#i am one nosy bitch

[kirasworldofwords]

If anyone has a link to the newest Landogate, lmk pls 👀

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

So i finally listened to The Magnus Protocol and uhh holy shit, yall mind if i

[The contents of this post has been deleted]

[teabookgremlin]

i’m so happy that the yellowjackets fandom chose this week to be the week where we just assign a day to each character and make everything about them bc i am having such a shitty week and it’s so nice to open tumblr and just have my dash be flooded with a character i love thank you guys for improving my week

[dontflirt]

the kpop space is so tiring

[lerr-writes-fic]

the struggle between putting on headphones while writing in a coffee shop or eavesdropping on the table next to me as they discuss their living/relationship/astrology/yoga problems.

[administer-distractions]

.

[flamingtouya]

𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐩 (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞) —

pairing: dabi + f!reader

word count: 4381

cw: getting to know each other (against your better intuition), flirting, bad flirting,some explicit language but nothing too bad, no quirk AU, dabi commits a crime or two

summary: In which Dabi meant to text Toga instead of a random stranger. But these things happen, and you were never one to shy away from troublesome men. This whole thing is told entirely through text messages.

a/n: check out my AO3 for different formatting! :)

Mar 02  10:07 PM

Unknown: Grab bleach while you’re out Unknown: And paper towels

You: who is this??

Unknown: So funny

You: u got the wrong number my guy 

Unknown: Shit Unknown: You don’t happen to have some bleach at your disposal rn? 

You: try the convenience store You: where’s the body at, anyways

Unknown: Ohara street by the fitness park, you should come check it out

You: sounds enticing You: i’ve always wanted to be on a true crime podcast

You: sort of expected myself to be the alive one though

Unknown: I was taught that women tend to be smart about stranger danger and stuff Unknown: You're out to prove me wrong

You: how’d you know i’m a woman? 🤨

Unknown: U sound cute Unknown: And men don’t listen to true crime

You: that’s so sexist You: and correct You: you'd do numbers on reddit

Mar 03 00:16 AM

You: hey don’t leave now

Mar 03 00:34 AM

Unknown: Had a body to take care of

You: you didn’t wait for me? :(

Unknown: … Unknown: Are u fr

You: ofc not You: i don’t hang out with edgelords

Unknown: Whatever u r probably boring anyways

You: entertaining enough for u to keep texting me

Unknown: We all have our moments of weakness 

Mar 03 01:09 AM

Unknown: So wyd

You: you don’t have anybody else to bother?

Unknown: I do Unknown: I want to bother you tho

You: damn, what’d i do to deserve this

Unknown: Is that a complaint

You: i have uni tomorrow and ur buzzing keeps waking me up

Unknown: Mute your phone, stupid 

You: can’t mute unknown numbers

Unknown: Save this one then Unknown: Or block me idc

You: what name should i put it under

Unknown: Dabi 

You: lmao i knew you were an edgelord

Dabi: Stfu

You: good night to you too

Mar 03  07:58 AM

You: fuck

Mar 03 3:56 PM

Dabi: Did you miss me that bad 

Mar 03 4:32 PM

You: i overslept and am blaming you entirely

Mar 03 5:19 PM 

Dabi: Sucks to be a useful member to society

You: why what do you do

Dabi: I'm actually a bit of a part-time freelancer, you regular uni folk just wouldn't get it

You: freelancing around ohara at 1 in the morning sounds like the truly fulfilling purpose we all long for You: did you just get up

Dabi: Hey now  Dabi: Yes  Dabi: I’m still in bed technically, looking at the ceiling fan is so interesting when I don't want to move a muscle

You: you are everything I am jealous of

Dabi: I promise you it’s not that good 

You: first time a guy’s been honest right away. i applaud u

Dabi: Omg no way 

Mar 03 5:40 PM

You: no way what

Dabi: No way you said something witty 

Dabi: Maybe you’re fun after all

You: i’ll have u know that deep down, i’m just a fragile being trying to make it thru this bitch of a world, running on fumes and caffeine all while chasing a childhood dream that i'll never be able to reach anyways because of my parents' expectations of me crushing my soul

Dabi: Damn, being vulnerable already 

You: your turn

Dabi: I’m not sad. My life is great and my parents never expected anything of me

Dabi: That was a lie 

You: so you’re a liar

Dabi: I suppose I might be

You: that counts as being vulnerable. i’m so proud of us. <3

Mar 03 9:12 PM

You: you probably have daddy issues

Mar 03 11:34 PM 

Dabi: Mind your business 

You: so i’m right

Dabi: Nosy sounds more like it

You: that’s a yes then

Dabi: When I tell you he SUCKS so bad 

You: LMAO You: i’m guessing you don’t particularly like your family then

Dabi: It's not the type of stuff I'd tell anybody, especially not to some nosy individual whose number is one or two digits off

You: alright i’ll stop digging You: wait how old are you You: am i talking to some 50 y/o dude You: please no

Mar 04 00:02 AM

Dabi: Chill I’m 48

Mar 04 00:06 AM 

You: say sike right now You: if u rly are then i’m half your age

Dabi: You thought Dabi: Are you actually 24 tho

You: give or take a few days lol

Dabi: When’s your birthday 

You: do you want my social and tax numbers while we’re at it

Dabi: Stfu I wanna see if I’m older 

You: 🤨 You: it’s at the end of this month

Dabi: Baby 

You: are u flirting with me or insulting me

Dabi: Can’t I be doing both 

Mar 04 06:30 AM

You: love me a guy who can multitask You: did you ever get your bleach and paper towels

Mar 04 11:11 AM

You: it’s 11:11 make a wish

Mar 04 2:02 PM

You: my wish is that you’d commit to a humane sleeping schedule

Mar 04 2:59 PM 

Dabi: Anybody hear sum 

You: i heard you’re a lazy bitch You: who doesn’t even do his own grocery shopping

Dabi: Maybe I do. Maybe I got the bleach all on my own like a big boy

You: X

Dabi: What's that mean

You: X for doubt You: it’s a meme

Dabi: Here I thought we were about to get spicy 😔

You: ew

Dabi: I was joking  Dabi: …unless 

You: has anybody ever told you that your flirting is immaculate

Mar 04 7:10 PM

Dabi: What do you study 

You: are you trying to find out my location

Dabi: Let it be known I’m terrible at geography and if I wanted to stalk you I'd already be on it

You: that’s a consolation You: forensic science You: i actually can’t wait for the semester to be over bc my professor is one of the most annoying individuals i have ever had the displeasure of meeting

Dabi: So you do have bleach 

You: never said i didn’t

Dabi: What do I have to do to make the list of annoying individuals. What's my current score

You: we haven’t met You: and i’m not sure if i’d survive u

Dabi: You have a point, I'm super nice tho

You: bet You: are you handsome You: asking for a friend You: the handsome ones are usually more annoying

Dabi: I'll say I’m frighteningly unique-looking 

You: ...well played

Mar 04 10:09 PM 

Dabi: My boss is making me do errand work in the morning like I'm some kind of functioning human being with principles Dabi: The next piercing I’m getting is a lobotomy 

You: thought you were “freelancing”

Dabi: Freelancing only gets you so far. You'll understand when you're my age

You: can't imagine what the back pain must be like You: do you have a tongue piercing 👀

Dabi: Perhaps I do

You: u r so mysterious You: tell me an opinion 

Dabi: Mint ice cream makes my teeth feel weird 

You: that’s not an opinion 

Dabi: Alright, more foods should have mint in them. And coriander. I want to make things inedible for 80% of the human population

You: nvm keep your opinions to yourself 

Mar 05 02:26 AM

Dabi: I've gotta burn this number. Txt u in a few 

Mar 05 05:16 AM

You: what are you, some kind of druglord This message could not be delivered.

You: I knew it This message could not be delivered.

Mar 0512:03 PM

You: ayo are you still there This message could not be delivered.

You: this is only funny if you come clean right now This message could not be delivered.

Mar 05 4:16 PM

You: "text you in a few" minutes? hours? days? This message could not be delivered.

You: just know that if it takes to long i'll forget about u This message could not be delivered.

You: won't even miss u This message could not be delivered.

Mar 06 09:00 AM

You: hello is this thing on This message could not be delivered.

Mar 07 3:15 PM

You: my social security number is 6007 0023 6799 0324 This message could not be delivered.

Mar 07 8:46 PM

You: eggs, vinegar, panko, sprite, sliced ham, parmesan, deodorant sencha if they have the good one ground pepper, lemon juice This message could not be delivered.

Mar 08 04:44 AM

Unknown: Am I still the man of ur dreams

You: I'm killing you You: violently

Unknown: I was hoping softly Unknown: With your song

You: are these messages being monitored You: am i a suspect

Unknown: If they were, could I write that I'm a ruthless baby killer anti-government fuck the police pro abortion the prime minister is an idiot bomb. bomb at the airport, terrorism, detonate Unknown: I guess now they are

Dabi was added as a contact.

You: just when i thought i'd have to find another witty asshole with a tongue piercing

Dabi: Aw you missed me Dabi: Does my tongue piercing make me hot be honest

You: what are my chances of getting an explanation for the past few days You: are u a murderer fr, that would be so cool You: i totally didn't use our abandoned chat as a grocery list btw

Dabi: The only thing I slay is pussy 😎

You: somehow i have doubts about that statement You: animal abuse is no joke

Dabi: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100, if you guess it correctly I'll tell u everything

You: 69

Mar 08 08:21 AM

Dabi: It was 72 Dabi: Because you were so close I'll give u one free question. But I want another one in return

You: you're a dirty little gremlin who plays dirty little games You:: do i get to ask a follow-up question

Dabi: No

You: in that case You: which of the following activities did you partake in? 1.) vandalism 2.) drug dealing 3.) drug trafficking 4.) violent crimes 5.) violent crimes that resulted in the death of one or more individuals 6.) assisting someone in a violent crime 7.) assisting someone in a non-violent crime 8.) theft 9.) robbery 10.) hate crimes against a minority 11.) politically motivated acts of defiance 12.) consumption of illegal substances 13.) running and/or hiding from law enforcement 14.) domestic terrorism 15.) human trafficking 16.) money laundering 17.) having a good time

Dabi: What the fuck Dabi: What is this, a multiple choice? Dabi: 1, 4, 6, 7, 8, 13 Dabi: My turn Dabi: What's your favourite food

You: fr, just like that You: that's your one question out of everything you could ask? am i really that boring

Dabi: I ask what I ask

You: spicy miso ramen with minced pork You: can we go back to the part where you ran from law enforcement

Dabi: Don't we all have demons that we run from Dabi: Mine are just a bit more persistent

Mar 08 10:52 AM

You: i want another question

Dabi: If you come up with one that's not related to the past few days, go ahead

You: fine i'll take it You: have you ever been caught and gotten in legal trouble for one of your… dubious activities

Dabi: Yeah

You: …and?

Dabi: That's another question. Gonna trade?

You: fine

Dabi: When I was 16, two Officers Of The Law 🐷 caught me dumpster diving behind a 7/11 Dabi: The dumpster diving wasn't the crime but because it was on private property they charged me with trespassing

You: damn, that's a lot of truth from u in just two sentences You: i wanna know ur tragic backstory so bad

Dabi: You could try to get me all sentimental for the 6 minutes after really good sex before the post nut clarity sets in

You: uh huh, taking notes You: anyway. you get one question. think hard

Dabi: If you couldn't have minced pork on your ramen, what would your second topping choice be

You: you're impossible

Mar 08 1:27 PM

You: tori karaage or extra ni-tamago i guess

Mar 08 2:23 PM

Dabi: Doesn't the Karaage lose its crispiness if it's in the broth for too long Dabi: I wouldn't know

You: please let me recommend you a good ramen place, you seem like you'd need it

Dabi: You have no idea. Take me out

You: like romantically? or are you asking me to murder you

Dabi: I love surprises

You: i just laughed out loud in the middle of my lecture

Mar 08 7:18 PM

Dabi: Need your forensic expertise for a sec

You: …oh no

Dabi: It's a purely hypothetical scenario

You: alright lay it on me big boy

Dabi: If a 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person were to climb over a 4,60 meter high fence that has electrical wiring on it Dabi: What would the most likely way for them to die be?

You: this is not forensic at all You: how strong is the electricity You: is there a way to shut it off You: where would you hold onto the fence You: can it be damaged

Dabi: Not me, a 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person

You: where would THE 176 CM TALL AND 67 KG HEAVY PERSON HOLD ONTO THE FENCE

Dabi: The only points that provide decent grip surface are the hooks holding the wires in place

You: so the most likely way to die would be electrocution You: will that be all

Dabi: How would one determine whether the electricity has been properly shut off Dabi: In the theoretical scenario that you couldn't get close enough to hear

You: the 176 cm tall and 67 kg heavy person should tap the wiring from the bottom with the back of their hand You: that way their fingers curl downwards and not around the wire You: so the person won't DIE from ELECTROCUTION

Mar 09 00:08 AM

Dabi: Excellent Dabi: Gonna do some field research Dabi: Will report back in maybe a day

Mar 09 08:01 AM

You: i'm gonna be so mad if you die before you've had decent karaage This message could not be delivered.

Mar 11 6:10 PM

Unknown: So it turns out that the person did not have to climb the fence after all. Pliers are such useful tools Unknown: Thanks for the electricity tip tho

Mar 11 6:39 PM

Dabi was added as a contact.

You: you're so hot when you're alive 

Mar 11 9:14 PM

Dabi: Do u think I'm a catch 😏

You: judging by the way law enforcement is trying to get their hands on you, i'd say you're pretty slippery

Dabi: The slipperiest Dabi: You couldn't handle me

You: i'd trap you using cheese and a paper box  You: put you in a jar and turn you into spicy miso broth 

Dabi: Would you hold the jar tight at night and tell me everything's going to be okay 

You: of course 

Dabi: I'm liking this scenario 

Mar 12 01:07 AM 

Dabi: Ever thought about what Mint Karaage would taste like

Mar 12 01:23 AM

You: i need u 

Dabi: Tell me more

You: to shut your mouth

Dabi: Are you trying to romance me

Mar 12 07:15 AM

You: i'm actually so upset right now  You: can i vent

Mar 12 07:27 AM

Dabi: Listening Dabi: Am I gonna have to get the tissues out

You: you're not empathetic enough for that 

Dabi: How would you know 

You: call it a woman's intuition  You: i just need someone to bother about my hot girl troubles

Dabi: Let's hear it girl  Dabi: Men ain't shit 💅

You: damn right they aren't You: but unrelated to that You: i ran out of my medication a few days ago and thought if i stretched the remaining 3 pills to last me 6 days i'd be able to make it till the end of the week  You: now my doctor's office is closed and i can't seem to get an appointment anywhere You: and i'm super jittery and on edge and almost had a panic attack just trying to make coffee

Dabi: What type of medication 

You: Ativan You: it's prescription only

Dabi: Nothing is ever "prescription only" 

You: i'm not gonna try some experimential backalley drug You: just feel like dying rn

Dabi: Who said anything about backalley? You actually came to the right guy for this  Dabi: What's the name of the nearest druggery 

You: ...fukuju pharmacy

Dabi: So I've been talking to a Setagaya girl 

You: only moved here for uni, hate to disappoint if ur expecting a wealthy maiden 

Mar 12 10:02 AM

Dabi: Don't you feel like getting a snack from the vending machine  Dabi: Specifically the one next to the pharmacy  Dabi: A bag of skittles sounds nice, doesn't it?

You: ? ? ?

Mar 12 10:34 AM 

You: did you commit a crime for me  You: how did you get your hands on actual fucking Ativan this fast

Dabi: I don't kiss and tell

You: did you follow me home  You: is this how i die

Dabi: You make it so hard to be nice to you Dabi: What do you think I am, a creep

You: if you were here i'd suck you off so good rn

Dabi: Whore Dabi: (Respectfully)

You: lmao ur right You: thank you for real though

Dabi: Stfu

Mar 12 1:33 PM

Dabi: Do u like cats

You: yes

Dabi sent an image.

Dabi: Noodle thieving menace 

You: 🥹 You: that has got to be the fattest street cat i’ve ever seen

Dabi: He’s hella fast 

You: how does it feel to be the one chasing the culprit for once

Dabi: Not nearly as thrilling as being the one committing the crime 

Mar 13 00:00 AM

Unknown: Congratulations! You have been selected as an eligible member for a free trial of Osaka Daily Post. Unknown: If you would like information about your benefits, reply 'BENEFIT' Unknown: If you would like to stop receiving these messages, reply 'STOP' 

You: i know it's you shithead

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: this is the unfunniest you've ever been ngl

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: you're truly one of the most annoying individuals in my life

Unknown: Your message could not be processed. 

You: STOP

Unknown: LMAO you thought

Dabi was saved as a contact. 

You: i'm reconsidering if the tongue piercing is really worth it 😤

Mar 13 04:55 AM

Dabi: Any particular reason why you chose forensics 

Mar 13 06:09 AM

You: i've always admired criminals but been to scared to become one You: and if i know about psychotic assholes it might help me to steer clear of them, or so i thought

Dabi: Is it working

You: evidently not

Dabi: Use me in ur thesis  Dabi: I'll be your lab rat

You: nah you're more beneficial to me when you're not stuck behind bars You: what do you have me saved as in your phone

Dabi: I don't save contacts  Dabi: Especially not yours  Dabi: You mean nothing to me 

You: aww do you know my number by heart, that's adorable You: i'm kinda genuinely impressed at how persistent you are at bothering me, it's almost like you like me or smth

Dabi: No fr though lmao if anybody finds my phone you'd be on a list

You: do u delete these chats

Dabi: Always

You: that's so romantic You: admit it you're actually a softie

Dabi: Would that make you more interested in me  Dabi: Then I'm the softest 

You: what do i need to do to make you the hardest

Dabi: ... Dabi: There's absolutely no correct way for me to respond to that  Dabi: You've left me speechless 

You: 🥵🥵

Dabi: What's your worst quality  Dabi: Besides being an irresistible smartass  Dabi: *irritating 

You: was that a freudian slip You: you're so obsessed with me it's adorable

Dabi: Proving my point so diligently 

You: you don't seem like the kind of person who would use words like 'diligently' You: i'm rather talkative at times You: to the point where it gets unbearable to listen to me

Dabi: I never would've guessed

You: what's yours? You: besides the obvious

Dabi: Still putting up with you 

Mar 13 7:45 PM

Dabi: Wyd 

You: i burned my rice a little You: but it's edible

Dabi: Don't you have a rice cooker? Who raised you 

You: my very strict but sweet and committed grandmother who made the best teriyaki salmon in the whole world You: i'd kill another human being to eat her home cooked food one more time

Dabi: So your parents ain't shit either 

You: eh, they're alright You: they're Business People overseas and aren't around a whole lot, means i get my own place though You: so i can have visitors at any desired hour 😏

Dabi: Omg sick Dabi: Me next

You: it was implied

Mar 13 11:11 PM

Dabi: Ok but do u actually wanna meet up sometime  Dabi: No strings attached ofc 

You: i'm down

Dabi: What if I'm a creep after all

You: if anything, it means i won't have to attend my lecture about carbon dots tmrw

Dabi: I can't tomorrow  Dabi: What about the day after Dabi: I'll give u my credit card info if it makes you feel more safe, don't bother trying to buy anything with it tho, you'll be disappointed

You: you may not show it a whole lot, but are you actually a considerate person? You: the day after sounds good

Dabi: Preem

You: oreryu shio ramen, right by harajuku station You: about time you had some good karaage You: my treat You: unless that's too far away for u

Dabi: I would fly across the world for u Dabi: Yes Harajuku works fine

Mar 14 08:49 AM

You: how will i recognise u You: what do u look like

Dabi: As my dad once said. I'm impossible to miss 

You: i laughed

Dabi: Guess it was all worth it then  Dabi: Do tattoos scare you

You: i was gonna ask cause there's no way you got only a tongue piercing and nothing else You: stand there with your tongue out

Dabi: Shouldn't we at least get to know each other before 😳

You: don't get any ideas  You: i don't intend to fuck u You: ...for now

Dabi: That's a relief, I thought I might have to file a restraining order afterwards 

Mar 14 1:42 PM 

Dabi sent an image. 

Dabi: If u see this guy u can still run the other way 

You: hhh fuck You: are u trying to intimidate me You: how do you have so many tattoos but no bedframe

Dabi: Cut me some slack, I just moved into this place 

You: fair warning i'm not as hot as u

Dabi: Bet 

You sent an image. 

Dabi: Why do women always lie. I thought you were better. I thought you were different

You: 😳 You: i'm actually worse

Dabi: We're such a good match

You: don't get ahead of urself. u r still a guy with no bedframe

Dabi: Please shut up

Mar 14 4:16 PM

Dabi: To be clear I'm not bringing flowers or anything  Dabi: And I'm actually willing to let you pay this time lol 

You: you have such a unique way with words 

Dabi: A bit tight on money rn but I'll pay u back some other way 

You: can we make that the first line in our sextape  You: dw i said it's my treat and i mean it You: does that make you feel emasculated

Dabi: Who would I be to say no to free food tf Dabi: If there's a next time I can take you out for drinks  Dabi: Nothing fancy but an old friend of mine owns a bar downtown and his girlfriend mixes a killer mule 

You: if you're gonna poison me after gaining my trust over my favourite food i will be incredibly sad 

Dabi: Give me some credit here. I'm trusting u to not rat me out to law enforcement 

You: you're giving me ideas You: is there a bounty on your head

Dabi: I'm not that important 

Mar 14 9:44 PM

You: so you're just too good to get caught

Dabi: Both flattering and factually correct Dabi: For the record I've never harmed anybody that didn't deserve it 

You: thanks for clarifying  You: i feel so safe now 

Dabi: Anytime  Dabi: If you're having second thoughts lmk before 10 am so I won't spend time getting ready for nothing 

You: 10 am is crazy  You: u r so vain 

Dabi: Alright then I won't 😔

You: i take it back You: be pretty for me

Mar 15 5:30 AM

You: can't sleep 

Mar 15 7:12 AM

Dabi: How the turntables  Dabi: Are you alright

You: yes  You: it's the good kind of sleepless 

Dabi: It's fine if you're having second thoughts, I won't hold it against you at all  Dabi: Just texting like this is nice too

You: fuck no i wanna meet the man behind the screen You: the myth, the legend, the crimelord himself 

Dabi: I'm never showing consideration for ur wellbeing ever again 

You: should've ghosted me before i got attached

Mar 15 9:54 AM

Dabi: Last chance to bail gracefully  

You: you make it so tempting 

Dabi: Getting out of bed then 

You: it's not a bed if it doesn't have a bedframe

Dabi: Shut, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, the hell your mouth

Mar 15 12:08 PM

Dabi sent a location pin.

Dabi: Is this the place

You: that's the one  You: be there in a few minutes 

Dabi: I'm waiting outside 

Mar 15 12:13 PM

You: omg i think i see u You: im shy

Dabi: U literally have so much blackmail material on me 

You: give me a second You: alright I'm coming over This message could not be delivered.

[themultifanshipper]

Back again the the lanoscar x sainz x reader

She(they) messing with all three of themm Lando and Oscar know about each other but they didn’t know about Carlos and Carlos didn’t know about them but then she gets caught somehow and they all fuck together 🤤

Your teammate Carlos was a nosy bitch when he wanted to be. And today he was going to reap the consequences.

Warnings: smut, more smut, threesome, almost foursome?, ferrari driver reader, bickering, Lando is barely there i'm not gonna lie, this is basically Carcar feat reader and special guest Lando, Oscar discovering things about himself, use of toys, one singular spank, dominant Carlos, sub Oscar

Requested from my prompt list

You were in his hotel room, riding him like your life depended on it and he was panting into your mouth as his hands wandered over your body.

This was far from an unusual occurrence. Often during race weekends you found yourself wandering into his room looking for some uhh… teammate bonding time.

But then he had to go and open his big mouth.

“You were not very discreet yesterday, I heard you in your room with Lando.”

You froze on top of him and your wide eyes snapped to his.

Being teammates, your rooms were generally next to each other. And yeah, you enjoyed blowing off steam during race weekends, sometimes with Carlos, sometimes with… well, not Carlos.

“It's okay hermosa, I'm not jealous or anything, I was just surprised. I guess I should have seen this coming, you and Lando have been getting a lot closer recently…” he started kissing up your neck.

“Uhhhh” was the only thing you managed to answer.

The problem wasn’t that you didn't want Carlos to know about you and Lando. The two of you were perfectly content for the other drivers to know about your escapades, and Lando was particularly… open about his sex life and who he told about it.

No, the problem was that it wasn't Lando in your room last night.

But you weren’t sure how Carlos would react if he knew that you were also hooking up with the man he despises.

“Maybe next time I can join you, no?”

The image of Carlos and Oscar fighting over you flashed in your mind. The hesitancy must have been visible on your face because he quickly added “Me and Lando used to have fun when we were teammates, I'm sure he wouldn't mind”

Yeah Lando definitely wouldn't mind.

Lando had been having regular threesomes with you.

But the third person was Oscar. And you weren't sure if Carlos knew about Lando and Oscar either.

So you brushed off the subject as a maybe and carried on riding him until you both came, successfully putting the subject out of his mind.

…

A few weeks later, you and Oscar had planned to see each other in your hotel room after a complicated practice.

Once you were both naked, he suggested sending a text to Lando to invite him over to join in the fun. Which he did. And you waited… and waited.

After a while you gave up on waiting.

You were so impatient you started without him and you found yourself perched on the end of the bed, on your hands and knees while Oscar pounded into you from behind, gripping onto your hips for dear life.

You were so loud that Carlos, who once again had the room next door, could hear everything.

And he assumed that you knew he was there and that you were doing this on purpose to tempt him to come over.

He knocked on your door and you moaned in relief, thinking it was Lando.

Oscar shouted for him to come in, neither of you wanting to stop your activities to go and open the door.

Carlos stepped inside and his jaw dropped at what he saw.

Oscar saw him at the same time and his hips stilled immediately.

“What the fuck, Carlos? Get out!”

Carlos ignored him in favour of staring at you.

“I thought you were fucking Lando!”

You felt Oscar's hands on your hips squeeze lightly in question and you sighed, dropping your head onto the mattress.

“I am fucking Lando…” you looked back up at him “and Oscar”

“You're fucking BOTH OF THEM?”

“Evidently, yes” you rolled your eyes.

His eyebrows furrowed “Why did you tell me to come in then?”

Oscar replied for you. “Because we were expecting Lando, dipshit”

Carlos growled and stared daggers at the two of you.

“So you don't want a threesome with me, but you'll accept this fucking guy? Unbelievable”

“Hey!” Oscar interjected angrily “I'm the one with my dick inside her so she obviously doesn't want you. Now kindly fuck off and let us get back to it”

Carlos stepped closer to the bed, fists clenched with barely contained anger “I have been fucking her longer than you have known her, so watch your fucking tone with me”

Oscar froze, and you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your head.

“You've been fucking Carlos? Seriously?”

You whined and nodded.

“I guess me and Lando need to step up our game if you're going to this guy for more…” he spat, voice full of venom.

Carlos scoffed “You are basically a child, I have much more experience than you”

“Oh yeah?” Oscar twitched inside you and started lazily rolling his hips against yours, sending waves of pleasure across your body “Then why am I the one currently inside her and you were in your room probably getting off to the sound of us?”

“You little shit, I thought you were Lando!” Carlos was raising his voice a bit now, and Oscar just thrusted into you harder.

“And my point still stands!”

The fucker was getting off on having the upper hand on Carlos.

“Then maybe when you are done I can take over and show you how a real man does it!”

“Oh please! If you fuck like you drive it'll be a snooze fest!”

“Well then maybe I should fuck you and shut you up!”

The sharp intake of breath behind you was a welcome pause in the bickering. None of you quite knowing what to say after that.

But you felt Oscar twitch inside you again. And that was the moment you knew you had to see that.

“That would literally be the hottest thing I've ever seen” you piped up and both pairs of eyes snapped to you.

“I want to see you two fuck”

Oscar shivered and Carlos, who was pretty riled up already, seemed to be seriously considering it.

You pushed Oscar off and went to sit near the headboard.

“Come on boys, we don't have all night” you purred seductively “If you really want to make me happy, get on the bed”

They both complied reluctantly, eyeing each other up as they went, Carlos taking off the long tshirt he was wearing that had been covering his already hard bulge.

They just kneeled in front of each other, staring daggers and obviously over thinking this way too hard.

Seemed like they were going to need a bit of coaxing if this was going to work.

You positioned yourself in front of them, and pulled them toward you by the arm.

You pulled Carlos in for a sloppy kiss as your hand went to Oscar's cock, teasingly stroking and thumbing the tip, tightening your grip as Carlos did something with his tongue that made you almost lose sense of where you were.

Once you heard a soft “fuck” from Oscar, you switched, shoving Carlos' boxers down and finally touching him while your mouth went to Oscar, biting his lip and sucking it just like you knew drove him wild.

Once they were both sufficiently riled up you leaned back, hands stroking them both at the same time.

“Now you two” you panted, lack of air making your head light..

Their kiss was violent, but entertaining as they fought for dominance and their hips bucked into your hands.

Carlos's hands went to grip Oscar's ass, hard, and the younger man whined, allowing the Ferrari driver to push his tongue into his mouth.

The rest of their bodies collided and you just managed to let them go before you ended up with a sprained wrist, as Carlos quickly pushed Oscar down onto the bed and started ravishing him, painting his jaw and neck in purple blemishes as he went.

Oscar was panting hard and his hands scrambled to find purchase in the sheets as Carlos got a hand around him.

“Carlos fuck-”

“I'm going to fuck you, Oscar. I'm going to show you exactly how she likes it”

“I dare you to fucking try you-”

He never finished the thought as Carlos manhandled him onto his hands and knees, facing you, and spanked him, hard.

The noise Oscar let out was frankly embarrassing and Carlos leaned over him, a hand coming to wrap around his throat.

“Be a good boy and follow the lesson”

Oscar looked wrecked already and when Carlos shoved two fingers in his mouth and ordered him to ‘suck’, his eyes fluttered closed and he complied without another word.

Holy fuck. You'd never seen Oscar so submissive and it was igniting a fire in your gut that you couldn’t ignore, so you trailed a hand down your body and slid a finger over your clit lightly, just to get some relief.

Carlos pulled his fingers out of Oscar's mouth and circled one around Oscar's rim.

Oscar was so relaxed, Carlos’ finger barely met any resistance as he pushed it in down to the knuckle in one go.

It didn't take much time for a second and third to join it, by which point Oscar was all but begging for Carlos' cock. And Carlos was nothing if not generous, so he slicked himself up with the lube you’d handed to him when he was on the second finger, and thrusted all the way in to the hilt in one swift move.

He grazed Oscar's prostate on the way in and the sound that came out of the younger man was somewhere between a wail and a punched out moan. It was so fucking hot.

Lando, ever the punctual fucker, had chosen that exact moment to barge into the room.

He was about to apologise for being late but the sight before him made his breath catch in his throat.

“What the fuck”

Oscar, still being held up by his throat, barely noticed his presence so Carlos answered instead.

“What does it look like? I'm fucking some manners into this brat.”

With that he started slamming his hips into Oscar's, making the younger man choke on his spit.

Lando just looked at you in shock.

“How the hell did this happen?”

You just shrugged and motioned him over. “Get your clothes off and get over here”

You've never seen a man undress so fast. He joined you on the bed and marveled at the sight of his old teammate railing the shit out of Oscar, who was babbling nonsense, his front now pushed into the sheets.

“Holy shit” Lando said, taking in the state of his current teammate. “Fuck. Oscar you're so hot like this”

His thumb came to rub at Oscar's bottom lip and the younger man let his tongue roll out of his mouth to let Lando press down on it.

“God. You want to be good for me and let me use your mouth?”

Oscar moaned and nodded eagerly.

“Fuck, okay”

He wasted no time guiding his cock between Oscar's lips and rocked his hips gently.

The three of them got into a rhythm. Carlos slamming his hips into Oscar, pushing him onto Lando's cock and gagging around it, saliva dripping down his chin, eyes rolling back in pleasure as Carlos nailed his prostate on every thrust.

Lando and Carlos leaned over Oscar and started making out sloppily.

You were almost overwhelmed by what you were seeing, and you slipped away to make your way over to your suitcase.

You quickly found what you were looking for: a dildo and a bullet vibrator.

Climbing back onto the bed, you positioned yourself over the dildo and sank down on it.

You picked up the vibrator and swirled it around where your lips were stretched around the silicone, then pressed it straight on your clit.

You let out a wanton moan at the sudden onslaught of pleasure and the noise attracted the attention of Lando and Carlos.

The two men gasped at the sight of you rocking back and forth on the dildo, pleasuring yourself to the sight of them ruining Oscar.

Carlos’ hips suddenly stuttered and he came with a groan, deep inside Oscar's tight heat.

The younger man sobbed as Carlos gently pulled his softening cock out.

“No please ! I need it, please…”

He was completely out of it, visibly distraught by the feeling of being suddenly empty without having come yet.

Lando pulled out of his mouth and took mercy on him, taking Carlos' place and fucking into him hard and fast, not being far off his own orgasm.

He grabbed a hold of Oscar's hair, arching his back and making him look straight at you.

“Fuck, Oscar. Who knew you could be such a good boy for us? Look at how it's turning her on so much she can't help pleasuring herself at the sight of you getting fucked”

Oscar reached a hand out for you and you took it.

“Gonna cum” he panted and you put your fingers in his mouth giving him something to suck on.

“Come for us baby, good boy, there you go...”

That was it for Oscar as he wailed around your fingers and painted the sheets white with his cum.

He tightened around Lando and the older man came inside him as well, filling him to the brim and adding to Carlos' cum that had since started leaking out.

You came not long after, moans muffled by Carlos' lips on yours.

Once you'd all come down a bit, Oscar laughed breathlessly and looked at you.

“I didn't know I had that in me, I've never come so hard in my life”

You giggled and stroked his cheek.

The bed was a mess of sweat, cum, and splayed out limbs. But there was nowhere you'd rather be.

They were your boys, and now, there were many, many more things to explore with them.

[muddyorbsblr]

team loki pt1

See my full list of works here!

inspired by this TikTok POV

Summary: Thor poses a question that puts you in an uncomfortable situation, and causing you to give him a desperate and thinly-veiled half truth

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warning/s: one (1) cuss word (nope, not sorry, Rogers); other than that…none? i think? this is mostly fluff with a side of slight angst?

Things to be aware of: mutual pining, idiots in love, Thor being a himbo

"Lady Y/N, may I ask a rather…personal question?"

You made sure to shut your Kindle before you looked up at Thor, bracing yourself for whatever the god of thunder might throw your way. However, nothing could have prepared you for the next words that came out of his unnecessarily nosy mouth.

"Are you in courtship with my brother?"

The common area filled with the sound of your sputtering bumbling reaction, as well as the borderline derisive laugh from Loki, who sat beside you. In fact the question caught him so off guard that he'd carelessly slammed his book shut.

"Are you out of your mind?!" you blurted out just as the raven haired god said, "Brother, don't be absurd."

Bitch please, only in my dreams, you finished in the safety of your mind. He could do so much better than me and he probably knows it.

What you didn't know is that Loki kept quiet his own sentiment. I should only be so fortunate. Every shake of your head and flippant denial felt like a dagger burrowing deeper into his heart.

"We're friends, Thunder," you answered, again biting back the words of Of course I'd love to be more, but that's neither here nor there. "That's it and that's all."

"I see…" Thor replied, the fond smile growing on his face putting both you and his brother in discomfort. "I'm glad."

"Excuse me?" you managed to croak out despite the lump that suddenly formed in your throat.

"Well if my brother is not what you fancy then that could only mean--"

"Whoa whoa whoa hold on there, buddy," you stopped him before he could even think of finishing the sentence. "I'm not into you like that, can you believe this doofus?" You looked to the god seated beside you, who surprisingly seemed even more tense than you were.

Jaw tense, eyes slightly squinted as he assessed the blond seated across from you. His entire body language suggested he was readying himself for a fight, which had you confused to no end. What stake did he have in this situation?

"Lady Y/N, I am no 'doofus', I promise you that," Thor said haughtily, shifting his posture to puff his chest out. "I will have you know that back in Asgard many a--"

"Well you're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy," you quipped. "I know you're gonna find it hard to get through that thick skull of yours, but not every woman with a pulse here wants to throw themselves at you pussy first. This isn't Asgard. And some people just like…different things."

You didn't dare even sneak a glance at the god of mischief beside you. But if you had, you would have seen that for a split second, his face lit up at your words. That for even a fleeting moment, he felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps because your fancies didn't lean towards his blond oaf of a brother, then there was even the slightest plausibility that he had a fighting chance to capture your attentions.

"Does that mean that you prefer…urgh what was it that Stark said about these unnecessary pedantic terms?" the blond Asgardian sighed. "Something about teams…?"

Your hand slapped down on the sofa, and you let out a frustrated groan. If he kept on prodding it wouldn't take long before he'd circle back to his brother and both of them would figure it out in record time. "Fine, Thor," you said, exasperated, throwing your hands in the air. "Yes. Not that it's any of your goddamn business, but yes. I am on the other team."

You really were. In a way. Just not in the way that Stark probably meant, considering that the billionaire genius didn't spend all that much time on social media these days.

So there was no way for him, or most of your teammates really, to know that the "teams" you were referring to were actually "Team Thor" or "Team Loki". Yes, the Internet was a messed up place that you wouldn't ever bother to understand at your fully grown age, but sometimes one of its considerably saner corners were mildly entertaining.

And in this case, that corner managed to wiggle you out of a near "egg on your face" situation.

"In that case, I hope you'll accept my sincerest apologies, Lady Y/N. For breaching on your privacy so--"

"Ham-fisted?" Loki spoke up, the slightest sneer still on his face. "As you always are?"

"Yes," he murmured. "Precisely. I hope this does not affect our friendship irreparably."

"Awww Thunder, of course it won't," you said with a click of your tongue, slightly feeling sorry for the goof that currently looked like a human embodiment of "sad wet dog". "Just give it a few weeks for that awkwardness to go away…because buddy you got me real worried there."

You stood up to take your leave from the common area, wanting nothing more than to get a drink and try to put all memories of the exchange behind you. Maybe if you acted fast you could hack your brain into not having to hold on to the trauma of watching how Loki's face curled up in disgust over even the thought of you two being perceived as a couple.

"Ohh! Lady Y/N, I distinctly remember that Lady Olivia in Research is also--"

"Appreciate the offer to wingman, Thor, but I'm all good, thanks!" you said over your shoulder, walking even faster to get out of there and return to your apartment.

Once you were out of earshot, Loki turned to his brother, conjuring a dagger in his hand pointed at the oaf. "What in the Nine was that, Brother?" he nearly hissed the last word. "This will be the last time I ever make the mistake of confiding in you who it is I wish to court. Norns, you cannot even help yourself, can you? Your ego is as fragile as rice paper that you have to prove that somehow everyone I ever set my sights on will prefer you."

"Loki, I--"

"Well in this rather unfortunate and might I say humiliating turn of events, at least I have been granted the fleeting consolation that she prefers neither of us. Perhaps I can derive some form of happiness from that--"

"Brother, I apologize," Thor blurted out. "I did not set out on this foolish endeavor of mine to scorn you and thieve away Lady Y/N's affections for myself. Though now I do understand how my actions may not translate consistently with my intent."

"No, no they really hadn't, you oaf."

"At the risk of my friendship with Lady Y/N, I posed those questions in hopes that perhaps she would have shown some inkling that your desire to have your friendship become something more was…reciprocated," he confessed. There was a somber look on his face as he continued on, "I truly am sorry for not bringing forth a more desirable outcome."

Loki stewed in his seat. He'd never known his brother to express even the most minute trace of allegiance to him in their youth. "All the others," he said accusingly. "When we were in Asgard, you consistently stole them away, why am I to believe that this time was different?"

"Brother, I know you may not believe me now, but please hear me when I tell you this. Those actions were not done out of greed. They were a test of loyalty. Theirs. To you. And each and every one failed," Thor explained somberly.

Just before he could let out a barb that in your case, the only failure was his own, the sounds of junior SHIELD agents' voices floated into the common area. "Look Sierra I get it, okay? We can all have different tastes and like different people, but we can also be wrong about some things. Like honestly after everything we've seen both of them do with our own damn peepers, how can you not be Team Thor?"

"I don't have to explain my choice in men to you, Ellie," the second agent spoke. "Besides you've always known that I like brunettes and I prefer the color gree--Ohh hey, you two!" The area filled with the grating sound of their heeled boots squeaking on the floor as their steps halted upon seeing the Asgardian brothers still seated on the couch.

"Ladies," Thor addressed them with a wide grin and a wave. Both women scampered off in the opposite direction, audibly flustered before they returned to their conversation.

Loki could pay them no mind, however, for their exchange suddenly gave new meaning to your words from earlier. "I am on the other team," he quoted you. When he looked up at his brother, it seemed the blond had come to the same realization, his face lit up with excitement as he stood to take his leave.

"It seems Lady Y/N has passed my ham-fisted test after all," he said triumphantly, clapping a hand down on his brother's shoulder. "Your lady."

Manners and decorum were the furthest thing from the god of mischief's mind as he stood abruptly, shrugging off his brother's hand. "I have somewhere to be," he mumbled, his mind racing with endless scenarios of how he would go about seducing you. Of where and when and how it would commence. If he should shower you with gifts, or perhaps whisk you away to one of Midgard's more picturesque destinations to create a breathtaking backdrop to his confession.

To the consummation of your affections for one another.

But then images of your features when you both brushed off Thor's prodding questions flashed through his mind, particularly the way you winced and squinted your eyes when he'd told his brother to not be absurd. And he knew that the only right scenario would be no tricks, no illusions. To come to you here and now.

He'd waited long enough. You both had.

A/N: Merry Christmas, everybody! This is yet another one of those ideas I had where I kept on shaking my brain hoping for some loose change in the form of ideas on how to get to my next story point, before ultimately realizing that this needed to be a 2-parter. Though who knows when part 2 will be posted because as my Discord status says, I am forever ✨drowning in a sea of WIPs✨ But just know that I'm fully intending for part 2 to be mostly some smuttery between these two 🤭

This might be my last story for 2024, but let's see where the final week of the year takes me. Anyways, I hope y'all have an amazing holiday with your families, I'm going back to working on 'the gallery™️'

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover @dryyoursaltyoceantears @herdetectivetheorist @alexakeyloveloki @lulubelle814

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about what would happen if Cassandra came back for revenge and borderline reset Logan's mental age in order to easily munipulate, but it backfires because Wade will be damned if hes gonna let another bald bitch steal his man. Finding home au what if.

Wade: Heeeyyy

Ororo: What did you do now?

Wade: About that-

Logan, Fully sprinting over: Mr. Wade I found a really cool stick that looks like a gun and I know you like guns so I brought it to you!

Ororo:....

Wade: Oh way to go, Pup! Up top! Down low! From behind! Yeah!!

Logan: *giggles and double high fives him* Im gonna go find more! *runs off in wolverine*

Ororo: ....Waaaaddeee

Wade: I know, I know! That's what I wanted to talk to you about. *puts stick gun in holster* So anyway this witch got mad at me and now he's like tiny on the inside.

Piotr, whos being nosy: Oh was that my sister? Sorry she's PMSing... what ever that means. Mom said it all the time.

Wade: Oh no no- A metaphorical witch. No, Wanda's great. You bring her chocolate then.

Logan: *comes back* I found a sword one!

Wade: Oh my god, I love you so much. You're such a good stick finder. Oh yes, you are! My widdle wild wolvie! Such a good boy!

Logan: *giggles while having his face smooshed*

Wade: But aw no I need two of them...

Logan: On it! *runs off on a mission*

Wade: Heh... kids. But anyway. Sooo... do you have someone who can fix this ooorrrr am I going to have to divorce my husband and become a single father to a 200 year old man?

[xoxochb]

⋆·˚ ༘ * but daddy I love him!

warnings: arguing, hades is a bitch here

pairing: percy jackson x daughter of hades and persephone

series master list

horrified looks fill the room. hades stands from his seat. at first he struggles to find the right words to use and you were sure he would just end up killing percy on the spot

“what are you doing here?” was his first question

percy takes cautious steps towards the front of the room where your father stands

“do you want the long version or the short version?”percy jokes

“the explanation”

you throw your bouquet to the side, and run (or try your best with these damn heels) to your father and your boyfriend

“dad, don’t get angry” you throw your hands up in a ‘calm down’ movement

“It’s a little too late for that”

“okay- well, just listen before you say anything”

hades rolls his eyes. “just spit it out!”

you sigh. “percy is my boyfriend and-”

your cut off my malicious laugh from your father, your brows furrow and you turn to percy who wears a similar expression and shrugs. when hades’ laughter dies down he takes a deep breath before speaking,

“I’m sorry about that. did you really think you could hide your relationship from me?”

“what do you mean?” you inquire

“I mean I’m not oblivious, I have eyes everywhere. this is why I married you off”

“I am not married yet!”

“you will be. do you think because I haven’t said anything about you and percy means I will let you be together? I found a man much more suited for you. he even shares blood with your beloved”

you turn around and troy stands behind you. “this,” you point a finger at him with a disgusted look “is related to percy?”

“let’s take this out into the hallway, shall we?”

your father guides the four of you to the hall, at least here there won’t be nosy gods trying to know all your business. when you get outside you cross your arms and ask once for an explanation,

hades begins, “it was amazing that for six years I was able to let you sneak around with the son of poseidon. last year I came up with an idea, a genius idea. I tell you about being married at eighteen, you believe it. I threw a party to help you ‘find’ a man to marry. but I had one all along, another son of poseidon who would be more than happy to help me”

“I’m sorry- but what the actual fuck?” you say

“watch your tone”

“and what makes you think I’m going to? it’s astonishing that you think you can tell me all of this bullshit and expect me to stay calm!”

“it was for your own good. percy is not suitable for you. his brother however…” hades turns to ‘troy’ and they share a smirk “triton, don’t you think you’re a much suited husband for my daughter?”

“hold on,” percy holds up his pointer “isn’t he already married?”

“gods can get divorced too!” triton defends “and besides I couldn’t not take up the offer to marry the gorgeous daughter of hades”

triton wraps an arm around you, his hand landing on your hip with a squeeze. you pull away and allow your hand to collide with his face

“you are a thickheaded asshole! keep your fish hands away from me!”

“y/n I will not allow you to treat your husband like this”

you throw your hands up dramatically. “he is not my husband! I will not marry him! he’s a million years old do you realize how odd that is?”

“actually I’m-” triton starts, but you interrupt

“nobody’s speaking to you”

“y/n” your father begins with a calmed voice, “you won’t marry triton but I can assure you that you will not marry percy”

“why not?” you cross your arms again

“he is very impertinent. he will not be a good husband”

“okay- well maybe he likes to break rules but I love him!”

“love is silly”

“so when you kidnapped mom it was silly?”

“that was different”

“how so? you kidnapped her because you liked her, then you got married then you had four kids together? how silly is that? and may I remind you that bianca is dead, melinoe lives elsewhere and me and nico have to sneak around all the time!”

the hall goes silent. hades looks at his shoes in embarrassment and you take this as a win and a chance to finish, “father, if you don’t want me to marry percy then that is fine. I will move out so I won’t be under your rules and I can live as I please. I assume nico will be doing the same after this also. I hope your childless palace will be a reminder why everyone leaves you. now goodbye, I wish not to speak further”

you let a large breath escape your lips before walking away, percy following

“are you really going to leave?”

“would you?”

“I would’ve left a long time ago. you’ve got more patience than I do”

you smile and shake your head. “believe me, I know”

“where are you going to live?”

“I am not sure. maybe I’ll move with my sister, I do miss her”

“or” percy grabs your hand, forcing you to stop and look at him “you could live with me. I have this house up in montauk, right on the beach. we don’t have to get married if you don’t want to, I know I want to but whenever you’re ready of course”

“are you proposing to me right now?”

percy shrugs. “I mean, yeah but I know you just ended a non existent marriage so if it’s too soon that’s fine”

“perseus” you cup his face with your hands “I would love to marry you”

his worried expression dissolves into a wide grin and his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug which you’re quick to reciprocate. maybe things won’t be half bad

@azure-drag0ness @itzmeme @leathesimp @pevenxie @mp-littlebit @inclusivesimping @emryb

[weediee]

All so oblivious

HUMAN ALASTOR X FEM WIFE!READER (She/Her pronouns)

Summary: Y/N has a neighbourhood friend over, Margaret. A regular talk with some tea and cakes quickly turned into a much more sinister and bruting talk.

E/N: Thank you all for the support in the last one, really, I am so grateful. I'm very glad you all enjoy my writing - I will continue to keep everyone updated! ❤️

Trigger warnings: This story contains talk of murder, blood, and abuse and is not suitable for young audiences. Please let me know if I missed anything!

"You know, it really is unfortunate. So many young people, innocent people, suddenly going missing." Margaret said solemnly. I was standing in the kitchen, cutting an apple Danish I had made for Margaret and as I hummed quietly in response, not paying much mind to her theatrics.

"I mean, what person could go and do such heinous things to such lovely people with long lives ahead of them." She pinched the space between her brows.

I paused, the knife in my hand scraping gently across the board as it came to a halt. "It's surprising you think all these people are innocent, Marg. We really don't know." I mumbled softly.

"Innocent or not, nobody deserves to die. Especially all those young boys." Marg scoffed at my response. She had always been this way, devils advocate. It was one of the few reasons that over the years I'd begun growing a dislike for Margaret. She was too sympathetic for the wrong people.

"Those 'young boys' with 'promising futures' were nothing but abusers! Every last one of them." I spat aggressively before composing myself. "Each of them had no right wandering our streets."

Margaret's voice quickly halted, one of the rare occasions she kept quiet.

"You're disgusting." She growled, I could hear her glass being placed on my table and the sound of the wooden floors creaked as she stood up to her feet.

"Why are you so against these people being alive. It's almost as if you have something to do with this all you know?" She added onto her statement.

"Me? knowing something you all don't?" I let go of the knife, turning to face her as I leaned against the kitchen countertop. "Margaret you're being silly. You must really go home, you're probably having post partum delusions again-" I was about to step forward before she stopped me.

"Don't come near me! You had something to do with this didn't you. I've been trying to tell everybody you and Alastor are too perfect for your own good, nobody listens to me. You're sick." She yelled.

"I'm not sick, Margaret. You are the one spitting nonsense!" I screamed back, my voice raising ever so slightly above hers. "How dare you come into my home and accuse me of these crimes." I shook my head in disappointment.

I moved my hand behind me, grabbing the knife slowly. "I will hand it to you though, you are correct." I shrugged.

"W-what?" She asked softly, hands dropping to her sides and clenching into fists.

"I know, Marg. It's a shame... I really did like you, but you've always been so loud mouthed. So nosy, always in somebody else's business when it's not yours to be concerned about. Me and Al can't have that. We have a reputation to uphold." I smiled softly.

"I mean, what would the papers say if they found out?" I laughed softly.

"You're a psychotic bitch! You know that." She screamed.

I hummed, nodding my head. I glared Marg up and down, tears could be seen falling from her eyes as they formed over a glossy shine.

"Before you die, I'm going to tear that tongue out of your mouth so you never speak about me or my husband again." My smile quickly dropped into a flat line.

I was as she quickly attempted to scramble to the front door, which was unsuccessful as she tripped on the rug. I quickly ran over, flipping her in her back to look up at me.

I smiled, pulling the knife atop my head with my hands before plunging it into her chest repeatedly. Once, twice, a fourth time, a fifth, as far as twenty before I stopped counting. There Margaret laid, in a pool of what looked like melted rubies. I stood up, leaving her in her final resting spot as I carried on with my day.

Cutting the Danish, doing the laundry, pouring Alastor his whiskey for when he got home. He could deal with Margaret when he arrived, but the whole time I finished up my jobs - the only thing on my mind was "They're all so oblivious."

E/N: How do we like this one? Yay or nay? Feel free to be honest (and feel free to send ideas)

Reminder to have a dandy day everyone!

- Weedie 🌹

[pookietv]

the not-so-useless hotline | george clarke

this has been rotting in my drafts for a while but it was a req so i hope you enjoy! may be a little sucky, sorry about that :)

dedicated to both the nonnie who requested and the nonnie who was adorable to me in dms so!!!!

to be honest, you didn't even really know what you had become well known for.

you started on youtube, ended up singing and modelling and vlogging and god knows what else, and you were a little bit of a mystery to the world.

but, nonetheless you had become adored by the internet, and eventually dragged on a podcast by max, who you had met on a brand trip and had grown to quite like, even if you had only seen him a handful of times.

so when you showed up to a little office with worn out computers and a smile on max's face, it did make you giggle to be on the set that you had seen him, and george, who even though you had seen him a lot online, you admittedly knew next to nothing about.

"y/n! hello, welcome!" you were invited in by who you assumed was a manager, who helped you get microphoned up, staying quiet whilst you listened to max and george speak and introduce the podcast whilst you waited on the sidelines for being introduced.

so when you heard the, "okay, send her up for the interview!" and you sat opposite them, your cheeks were a little red from laughing as it felt strange to be sat opposite them in such a corporate setting, even if was all a big joke.

"welcome y/n to your interview at the useless hotline! i'm max, this is george, very important interview today," max joked, and you nodded a little more, laughing and repeating, "very important, yes."

"yeah, i'm so glad to be here, i really need this job!" you joked back, allowing yourself to have a moment looking at george, being your first proper time meeting him. he was quite attractive, put together nicely.

"well, we have very high standards here, although max doesn't reflect that too well," george joked back, and you nodded in a teasingly solemn look.

"well, every company has it's stinker, and i suppose here it's max," you smiled, and max rolled his eyes.

"you bitch! haven't even introduced yourself and you're already mocking me," max grinned.

"oh, sorry, i introduce myself and then mock you?" you teased back.

after being made to make max and george extremely potent alcoholic drinks, and introducing yourself, with a little gossip about music and max's social life, eventually you get questions thrown your way.

"well, we figured we need to talk to you about your dating life, 'cause that's where our clickbait will be," george joked.

"literally! everyone knows you as some maneating mysterious woman going on dates all the time, and we're nosy," max teased, and you rolled your eyes in response.

"i'm not a maneater! jesus, you leave a bad impression max! i would just say i am very picky, that's all. y'know, high standards." you hummed a little as you drank your drink with a small grin.

"oh, come on, you know yourself there has been a cast of rotating rumours of people that the internet thought you might be dating," max urged, and you shrugged a little. "plus, when we went on that bar thing on the latest brand trip you told me about a few of them, so there must be some drama there!" he joked a little more.

"men are just very disappointing creatures, you know? there just hasn't really been one where i've been like, yeah, this person is fun to be around and i would like to be around them a lot of the time, so i'm still single!" i explained with a giggle.

"george is literally always saying something of a similar tune, he is kind of just a picky man," max joked a little, and i grinned and raised my eyebrows at george.

"picky, hm? i suppose i'm a little picky, but i don't think that's necessarily bad, i just think i would love to hold out for someone who is really for me, you know?" i asked him curiously.

"i wouldn't even say i'm picky, i just think... there's a kind of thing, where i'll, you know, find someone where i'm just like, yeah, this feels right," george explained, and i nodded.

"so do you have like.. a type?" max asked me, "george's type always seems to be women who don't like him back." max teased.

"there have definitely been some stinkers in the past but... i mean, i wouldn't even say i have a type, really. i like funny people, and i'd like someone that's taller then me... um, i guess i like facial hair but that's not a dealbreaker if not," i laughed a little awkwardly with a shrug of my shoulders.

"well, i'd say you'd like george but he is exceptionally not funny," max grinned to himself and i rolled my eyes in a giggly way, watching george turn to max.

"because you're just so witty yourself, max,"

the podcast continued, with topics only getting more intrusive and unhinged as we continued, before we got to the point where we were answering asks, and one came up asking george on a date as a plus one to a wedding.

"fuck you! see, everyone comes on the podcast and thirsts over george, but what if you had asked me? i would actually have shown up, how about that!" max huffed whilst george tried not to laugh.

"what, people try and hit on george through the podcast?" you asked, laughing myself.

"yeah, they do, his name is max balegde," george joked.

"they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel if they want george," max grinned, before looking at me, "do you get a lot of the whole randomers asking you out thing? seeing as you're so thirsted over on the internet?"

"i mean, i suppose so, but i don't read too many of them, they just stay in the requests bit of my messages so i don't pay them too much attention," you giggled slightly, shrugging, "though, i do appreciate the compliments, sometimes if i'm just having a really crap day i'll just look through edits of myself. is that narcissistic? maybe it is, but it does make you feel good,"

"max was begging people to make edits of him on one of the podcast episodes so i'm sure you're not too bad," george grinned to you, and you tittered a little at his answer, grinning back at him.

george was pretty attractive, actually.

it had been about a week since the episode of you on the useless hotline had come out: and to say you had been bombarded would be an understatement.

from shipping fan edits to insane tweets, there seemed to be a common theme, the theory that you were dating george.

he had texted you a little, talking about when the podcast was going to come out, and asking you if you had any plans over the weekend, mainly casual talk as he told you funny stories about his roommates, arthur and chris, and occasionally sending you photos of himself pulling faces.

liked by max_balegde, georgeclarkeey and 12,039 others

yourusername: my roommate tried to push me out of a window (but i made her take cute pictures so)

miaxmon: shut up i did not push you!

↳ yourusername: @/miaxmon whatever you say PUSHER

userone: since WHEN did she live with mia ???

↳ yourusername: since she begged me to live with her bc im awesome and sexy and she couldn't live without me (but actually for about six months!)

georgeclarkeey: she should have finished the job

↳ yourusername: smh silly george if she pushed me out the window then who else would the internet ship you with???

↳ georgeclarkeey: someone tolerable hopefully

↳ yourusername: i can see why you got stood up now

you have a new message from @/georgeclarkeey!

georgeclarkeey: now that was just cruel and uncalled for

yourusername: it was honesty which girl would show up for a date with you ???

georgeclarkeey: you hopefully

yourusername: you what???

georgeclarkeey: would you show up on a date with me?

yourusername: only if you said sorry for wanting mia to finish me off and that i am the best :)

georgeclarkeey: i just audibly sighed

georgeclarkeey: you are the best and i am sorry for saying i wanted mia to finish the job

georgeclarkeey: happy?

yourusername: absolutely

yourusername: so, a date?

georgeclarkeey: i was thinking a really tall building with loads of open windows. thoughts?

yourusername: you're sooooo funny george

georgeclarkeey: i know i know i'm hilarious

georgeclarkeey: i was actually thinking we could go to flight club and play darts

yourusername: i will beat you SO bad

georgeclarkeey: can't wait :)

yourusername: anyway, i thought you were really picky about who you go on dates with?

georgeclarkeey: i usually am

georgeclarkeey: i guess you just feel right

yourusername: are you this soppy with all your dates?

georgeclarkeey: well they usually don't show up so you'll be the first, obviously

georgeclarkeey: anyway i thought you were picky as well?

yourusername: okay shut up now george :)

[melonteee]

So I’m not actually caught up with the manga but I’m a nosy bitch and I gather one piece updates through the grapevine. Regarding the “Sanji calls Zoro a liability” moment, I’ve seen Chinese fans interpret it not as a “Sanji is acting ooc/mutating” moment but as Oda showing off the Zosan/wings dynamic yet again. Basically they say Sanji was having a Wife Moment aka “Zoro you have been dragging out this fight for way too long and I know you can do better and you’re also putting the entire crew in danger, I’m Actually Mad now and you should lock in.” Which is why Zoro didn’t talk back, he knew Sanji was right. Essentially Oda is telling us how zosan keep each other in check. Also these comments were made by Chinese dudebro readers so it’s not even a shipping goggles thing 🤣 Ofc they might not be reading the original Japanese and there’ll be translation misinterpretations yknow, I just like being delulu 🤭

Chinese fans are so fucking good with their analogies LMAO when Zoro was angry during Zou because Sanji left they compared it to being upset your wife has left the house without saying anything, and acting angry but actually being very worried about your wife FHJKSD like I am probably as delusional as you anon but the amount of times Chinese fans have compared Sanji to a frustrated wife is so funny because SOMETIMES...SOMETIMES IT MAKES SENSE DFJGHD

[yenqa]

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU — TEASER

READ HERE!

in which...

you hate heeseung. you hate his snobby little voice, his stupid little glasses that are too big for him, his nosiness, and his ability to prove anything or anyone wrong easily. you hate hate hate the way you try to avoid him, but somehow he’s always around, and he can’t see how much you hate him. you swear nothing could make you like him, but after you get caught in a sticky situation with him playing your knight in shining armor, you realize that maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

pairing — heeseung x fem!reader

genre — one sided enemies to lovers, highschool au, he falls first she falls harder, oblivious x obvious, tutor x tutoree (kind of), childhood friends (ish because the whole one sided enemies thing) to lovers, long fic

wordcount — teaser is 1005! fic est. 9k-13k words (hopefully not too ambitious)

warnings — profanity, kissing (no suggestive stuff or nsfw), miscommunication, parties/underage drinking, name calling (bitch, whore, stuff like that), food

featuring — lia of itzy, miyeon of g-idle, hyung line of enhypen (sorry maknaes too many people), ocs : sooyun + teachers

disclaimer — i am not saying this is an accurate representation of these idols or trying to sexualize them at all. this just something i do for fun.

release date — hopefully by mid march?

taglist — open! send an ask or comment to be added!

yenqa — watched the movie on the plane and i was kind of obsessed… but this does not follow the movie plot, i just thought the title fit

YOU WATCH AS THE SNOW FALLS SLOWLY TO THE GROUND

A blanket of white has got you and the guests at your house locked in for the night. You weren’t very happy with these strangers staying at your house for the night—In fact, you had just been completely shut down by your dad when you asked him to kick them out. It was obvious why he did that, but this definitely had to be your least favorite christmas out of the eight you had been through.

You snap out of your thoughts, continuing to eat whatever you had left on your plate, hesitating when you saw the amount of vegetables still left.

“Mom! I’m full.” You try to hide your plate from her, showing her instead a pout with a hand on your stomach. 

It didn’t work—obviously, so you were stuck at the table, a frown on your face as you forced in the greens. Across from you, a boy your age, who didn’t seem to mind, he almost looked like he was enjoying it.

That’s impossible though, no one likes vegetables. Maybe he was doing it so Santa would get him an extra special gift?

You grumble when he finishes his place, showcasing his plate that had been licked clean to his mom. He stared at you for a second looking down at your—full plate then looking back at his mom, she said “Great job Heeseung!”. He returns his plate to the table with a smile. 

Stabbing your fork back into your food, you stuff it into your face, hoping that you would enjoy it as much as Heeseung did. Again, it didn’t work, and the bitter taste returned to your mouth.

After what felt like hours of groaning and complaining, you had taken the last bite of your food, a proud smirk on your face when you made eye contact with the boy from earlier, who only smiled at you in return. 

Throwing away your plastic plate, you realized that now it was present time, and Santa just had to reward you for your good deeds.

Rushing over to the tree, you spot everyone gathered around the area, opening their presents. You run to your present, recognizing the wrapping paper from last year. Looking at your mom for approval, she nods and you tear apart the paper, lifting up the box inside.

You squeal when you see the picture, you had been begging your mom for weeks for a Lego set, specifically if it was minecraft themed. And Santa had gotten you just that. You hug the box, squeezing it. You exclaim a loud “Thank you Santa!” before running up to your room to assemble the build.

Reading the directions, you start the house, quickly getting confused on how it isn’t looking like how it does in the picture. 

“I think that’s the wrong piece.” A voice says, you whip your head around to see the same boy who sat across from you.

“Who are you?” Your eyebrows furrow at the sight, confused on why those were the first words he said instead of “Hi!” or something.

“My name’s Heeseung—Um, my mom told me to come upstairs and said we should be friends. Do you want to be friends?” 

You huff, “I’m Y/n. Also no, I don’t want to be friends, you’re mean.” You force your legos together, frustrated already with the pieces. You continue to reread the directions, pushing—what you think are—the exact legos to the board. But it doesn’t seem like it’ll fit. Maybe if you push it harder?

“Oh—okay.” You jump slightly, too focused to realize how he's been watching you for the past few minutes. “Do you need some help?”

Yes, you need help. But did you want to accept his help?  . This was your christmas gift from Santa, you shouldn’t have to share.

Glancing at the picture then to the building that had looked like an abstract rendition of it, you let out a sigh. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt, right? “Yeah, I guess.”

He takes a seat on the carpet next to you, focusing hard on the directions before breaking off the wrong pieces, reassembling it so you’ll be on the right track.

“Does this go here, do you think?” “No, it goes here.”  That was a summary of what the conversation was between you, and somehow you were always the one asking the question. Sighing, you lean back, taking a short stretch break before starting again.

You’re shocked at his speed and efficiency, it almost seems like he’s always a step ahead of you. Geez does this guy ever slow down? 

The roles are quickly switched as you are sitting watching him instead. Rummaging through each box only for his eyes to lighten up one he finds the right one. You watch him for a while, getting a break that you very much needed.

You hope that he waits for you to finish it, or that he doesn’t completely do it all by himself because again,  it’s your Christmas gift, and he wouldn’t do that, right?

Not right, because apparently he’s a machine—he finishes the build. He stands up, pushes his stupid glasses up also and smiles at you, heading to the door. You think he’s going to say something else like “Sorry for taking away your present!” instead, he thanks you for sharing and happily skipping away. 

Heeseung. Even his name infuriates you. He was very unpredictable and you hated that. Why did he just do that? He’s so rude. People don’t make sense—especially boys, they have cooties.

Your head was filled with calling him the rudest things you could think of—You even said a few curse words.

Though later you realized that you probably would never see him again, you were ecstatic, so ecstatic you had disassembled your legos just to rebuild it, to completely forget about your bad experience with the boy. 

Only two weeks later were you disappointed to see that same boy, sitting across from you during dinner once again.

perm taglist — @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @boyfhee @hanniluvi @teddywonss

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[marlinspirkhall]

If my body had Tumblr part two

[part one]

7 notes

🚫 tiddies

WEATHER ALERT: it is cold

175k notes

🤧 linus-the-sinus

I am once again begging you to wear a facemask

👃🏻 not-nosy-just-curious ✔️✅☑️🦀♋

Glasses on me

🤧 linus-the-sinus

Not a good enough reason to let me freeze omg?

👁️‍🗨️ oculus-prime

I don't like it anymore than you, but last time I let you put the glasses in our pocket they got smudged

🗣️ larynx-more-like-lar-minx

@tiddies everyone's jealous of us because we're the sexy bitches who stick out

🦴 clavicle

Wow. I respect literally none of you.

23 notes

🫀 badumtish

AWOOGA ALERT ‼️ AWOOGA AWOOGA hUMINAHUMINAHUMINA‼️‼️

7 notes

🧠 mr-brain ✅☑️

I love adding stuff to my google calendar because I always get notifications about it when I'm already on the way to the event. I bet you thought I forgot, but I'm seven steps ahead of you.

👆🏻 left-forefinger

Open google calendar. “singing lessom”

👇 right-forefinger

*lesson

🖕 fuckuofficial

simgimg

👆🏻 left-forefinger

Now change time to 5am

👍🏻 thumbly blocked

Change all events and duplicate "simgimg"

👆🏻 left-forefinger

I like what you're thimkimg

🧠 mr-brain ✅☑️ blocked

What the fuck have you idiots dome to ny post

507 notes

🦴 left-femur

So I guess we're still not talking about it huh

🦴 left-tibia

For the last time it's not my fault they only coded one emoji type into this app

👞 left-foot-official

This app has too much leftist infighting

🦶🏻 oooh-the-hokey-kokey follow

Free your mind. There is no division between left and right, in and out, up and down, clothed or unclothed.

👞 left-foot-official

Freak

80 notes

🟥 endometrium follow

Taking annual leave if anyone cares

0 notes

🦶🏻 oooh-the-hokey-kokey follow

Weirdoes on this app pretend I'm the problem as if it's normal to wear shoes all the time. It isn't. Or socks, for that matter.

75k notes

🫀 badumtish

Knock knock. What's big and veiny and thrums for you?

4 notes

🫀 badumtish 🔄 🌶️ you-aorta-know

anonymous asked:

literally why are you still reblogging posts from badumtish he keeps leaping around and saying AWOOGA AWOOGA when he sees a sexy lady or just like a mildly scary email message

🌶️ you-aorta-know

AWOOGA AWOOGA also get blocked, idiot

🫀 badumtish

I don't control my reaction to the email message btw. Awooga :(

19 notes

🤳🏻 all-rite-wots-all-this-then

Why am I tingling?