#i am okay; just anxious and trying to regain my footing because i got a little too overwhelmed ( we love self sabotage )

[boxwinebaddie]

*jk vc* wE AHYR sO CRIMSAHN BAHCK awHN bABEY!!! ;) <3 xX

[page-doctor-bekker]

Rooftop - Part 1 (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) hey! i have a long ass one-shot and i kinda of want to make it lead off a lil bit of a cliffhanger so i've got part one here for you. this takes place a few days after this oneshot

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Sarah grabs her white coat from her desk chair, and stares at the embroidery.

Sarah Reese, MD

Dept. of Psychiatry

She sighed, before retreating to the bathroom to tuck and dress. Even after her orchiectomy, tucking was still mildly uncomfortable. At least she had graduated from using tape to using a gaff, which was much more comfortable and easy to take off at the end of the day.

Once she was dressed, clad in a pair of relaxed, navy blue dress pants and a pale pink button-down shirt speckled with cartoonish images of various types of fruit, she grabbed her lab coat, and shrugged it on.

There was a mirror on her closet door, and she caught a glimpse of herself in it. She gulped, and stood in front of it, staring herself down.

She pressed the pad of her thumb against her jawline, and dragged her skin around in a feeble attempt to soften it. Her jawline led her to her chin, the cleft in it causing a pang of dysphoria in her stomach. She puckered her lips, trying to make them look fuller, but that only exacerbated her chin. She sighed, and gave up. It is what it is.

She let her hand fall to her side, and fiddled with her coat. After a moment, she scowled at herself.

“Move on, Sarah, just move on,” She mumbled to herself, taking a hair tie from her wrist and putting her hair up into an unintentionally neat bun. No matter how hard she tried, she could never succeed in creating a messy one. That required more finesse than she had.

She smiled at herself, although her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I am a good doctor,” She affirmed, “A good doctor who made a mistake,” She quoted Dr. Charles, the thought of him filling her with calm.

“And Ava,” She gave herself a confident look, “Is not worth my time. I don’t even like her anyways.”

She paused for a moment.

“Because I don’t like women,” She shrugged, “And someday I will meet a man who loves me for me.”

“Don’t give me that look,” She snapped at herself, “Just because I’m not cis doesn’t mean I can’t be straight.”

“And I deserve better than Ava anyways,” She opened her mouth, then closed it, like a fish. She opened it again, “Someone better who is a man. I will find the man for me. The only reason I think I like Ava is because I haven’t found the man for me. That’s okay. I’m only 26. Some people don’t get married until after 30.”

“I am a confident woman,” She declared, “A confident straight woman.”

She started to walk away, but she looked back.

“And i’m a good doctor,” She said, sharply.

She saw Dr. Charles outside the hospital, and he waved her over. She ran to catch up with him, out of breath by the time she arrived, “Hello Dr. Charles,” She tried to catch her breath, thinking about how insane she must look right now.

“Dr. Reese,” He greeted with a nod, “How was your break?”

“It was very good,” She announced, “I feel like I am making progress with myself. I am a good doctor! What happened was a mistake, and it doesn’t define my clinical skills.”

He looked at her skeptically, “Good.. Good,” He gave a smile, “In my experience, all you really need after a mistake is to treat a few patients successfully, so I’ve volunteered you to be in the ED this morning.”

Her heart sank.

“And then, when Maggie dismisses you for lunch, come see me in my office and we can chat about what you did differently today,”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she could fidget discreetly. If he knew I’m anxious, he might send me home again.

He gave her a pat on the back, “Holler if you need me. I’m just a page away.”

He left her at the doors to the ED and she took a deep breath, and smiled at the big red letters.

“Help! I need help!”

Go time.

She ran towards the direction of the voice, a large man in his mid-40s who was carrying a young girl, maybe 5 years old, in a bridal-style position.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you, tell me about your daughter,” She prompted, pressing two fingers onto the girl’s neck while awkwardly walking with the man.

“Ah, she’s my niece, Miranda Maxwell,” He corrected, “Uh, she’s almost six, she’s got a.. uh… Heart condition? She was born with it. Her mom said she sees a doctor here uh… Dr… Dr… Beaker? Brekker?”

“Dr. Bekker?” The name made Sarah’s heart flutter.

“Yes, that’s the one. Anyways, she collapsed today, and says her chest hurts, and she’s a bit blue around her lips and nails.”

Dr. Reese took Miranda from the man, and took a light jog into the emergency department. The man took off after her. Upon entering the ED, she called to Maggie, “Five years old with a congenital heart condition, chest pain, trouble breathing, rapid pulse, blue lips and nails, where do you want me?”

“Treatment five.”

Dr. Reese set the girl down on the bed and Monique rushed to start an IV, “Let’s get her on the monitors, and get her changed into a gown,” Sarah instructed, “And Maggie?”

Maggie looked up from where she was conversing with the girl’s uncle.

“Page Dr. Bekker, Miranda is a patient of her’s, and get Miranda’s parents here as soon as possible,” She looked back towards the girl, “Miranda? My name is Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you feel better.”

“It hurts,” She cried, clutching at her chest.

“I know, I know, we’re going to figure out why,” Dr. Reese cooed softly, before taking on a more serious tone with Monique, “Get a CBC, BMP, urinalysis, 12-lead EKG, and get her on oxygen until Dr. Bekk-”

“Talking about me?” Dr. Bekker startled Dr. Reese, “My ears were itching. Miranda, did you miss me? Is that why you’re back so soon?”

Miranda giggled through the pain at that, and Dr. Bekker smiled. Dr. Reese almost allowed herself to feel endeared by the rare display of kindness, but quickly regained composure.

“Maggie, where are we with her parents?”

“They’re on their way, but they said to do whatever it takes to help Miranda,” Maggie called back, and Dr. Bekker nodded.

“What seems to be the problem, Mindy?” Dr. Bekker pulled her stethoscope off of her neck, and pressed the drum to Miranda’s chest, and listened thoughtfully.

“I felt weird and then fell down. My chest hurts real bad,” She complained, “I can’t breathe.”

“Let’s get an echocardiogram,” Dr. Bekker noted to Monique, who nodded, and started to set up the ultrasound machine, “Does it hurt more when you breathe?”

Miranda shook her head.

She’s so gentle with her.

Sarah smiled.

“Okay, I’m going to look at your heart with this special tool, you’ve done this before,” Dr. Bekker assured, before squeezing the gel onto the girl’s chest and pressing the ultrasound wand down.

She can be gentle. And kind.

“Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was shocked back to reality by Ava, who was snapping her fingers at her, “Dr. Reese? What tests did you order?”

“Uh… CBC, BMP, urinalysis, and a 12-lead-EKG?” She trembled, her voice seeming more questioning than answering.

“Okay,” She said quietly, focused on the ultrasound.

A few minutes of quiet later, Dr. Bekker put the wand away, “Clean her up, and,” Dr. Bekker looked back at Miranda, “And if I remember correctly, your popsicle of choice is cherry?” She winked at Miranda, removed her gloves, and helped herself to hand sanitizer off the wall. Dr. Reese nodded at Monique, who was wiping the girl off, and left as well.

“Um…” Dr. Reese started, “What do you think?”

“Transfer her up to the PICU and let me know when her parents get here,” Dr. Bekker told Maggie, before turning to Dr. Reese, “I think she’s in congestive heart failure,” She shrugged, “Did you see the ultrasound? She has a complete atrioventricular septal defect, she’s been my patient for the past year, we knew this was coming.”

“Why didn’t you operate earlier?”

“Her parents wanted to wait,” Ava shrugged and rolled her eyes, “Nobody wants to put their four year old daughter through open heart surgery. But now,” She gestured back towards the room, “Their five year old daughter is going to go through open heart surgery today.”

“Well is she going to be okay?”

“If I can get her in for- I’m sorry,” She interrupted herself, “Why do you care?”

“She’s…” Sarah balled part of her coat up in her hand, “She’s my patient, I just-”

“Not anymore she’s not,” Ava huffed, “Thanks for not killing her. Wish I could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

Ava flounced off.

Sarah watched her leave, and turned to Maggie, who pointed at treatment 1.

“Ear infection.”

Dr. Reese nodded, grabbing the tablet the charge nurse was holding out, and heading to treatment 1.

By lunch, she had treated three ear infections, a gunshot wound, a miscarriage, and sent a psychosis patient up to the psych ward. By the time Maggie sent her off for her lunch break, she had practically forgotten about Ava.

Dr. Charles was waiting for her when she opened the door to see him, and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, “How was it?”

“Uh, good,” She sat across from him, and he pulled out his own lunch while she unpacked hers, “I saw Dr. Bekker.”

“Oh? How was that?”

Sarah tapped her foot, “One of her CHD patients came in, um…” She took a bite of her sandwich, “I ordered some tests for her. She was snarky about it when I talked to her afterwards though.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, “Well, Ava will always be Ava, regardless of-”

“She said, um… She thanked me for not killing the patient and said she wished she could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

He sighed, and nodded, “Well, it’s only been a few days. She’ll get over it. You guys were good friends before, you’ll be good friends after a while..”

“Good friends?” She questioned, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, y’know,” He motioned back and forth with his hands, “You’d chat, you seemed to be happy when you saw her, she teased you a bit. All of Ava’s telltale friendship signs.”

Sarah was quiet, instead choosing to take a bite of her sandwich and chew thoughtfully.

“Tell me, Sarah, do you like Ava?”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, carefully.

“Like… You know, are you interested in her? Romantically?”

Sarah choked on her sandwich, coughing a few times.

“Remember to chew, Dr. Reese,” Dr. Charles reprimanded.

“I don’t like her,” Sarah defended, “I don’t care about her. I deserve better. If I still liked her after she talked to me like that, even if I liked her in the first place, I’d be crazy.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, taking a bite of his salad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“The shrug.”

“What do you think it means?”

“Did you do Yolanda’s intake?”

“Who?”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her half-eaten lunch back into the bag and tossing it in the trash.

“Sarah, you haven’t finished your lunch-”

“Not hungry, I’ll see you around,” Sarah started to leave, but Dr. Charles stopped her.

“I’m supposed to pass a note on for you.”

-

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(A/N) come back tomorrow for pt 2 lol

[imagineddworld]

Unexpected day (Part 1)

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: Neither of you went to Hogsmeade, so this was a great opportunity to spend the day together

Word count: 3,2 K (3292) 

Author’s note: This idea ended up being longer than I expected, so I decided to split it up into parts. Probably 2 to 3 max. If you prefer longer or shorter fics, you can always let me know. Requests for other fandoms are open. I just happen to be stuck in a hp mood. 

It was a beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly in the sky, a soft bries is blowing through the trees; making them softly sway from side to side. Little white clouds pass by easily. Nearly everyone was out to Hogsmeade, but you rather stayed behind. You didn’t really felt like going. It was nice to have some peace at Hogwarts, surely when the weather was this good. Places were always more enjoyable when there was less of a crowd. You had woken up early, slowly getting rid of the last bits of sleep. You admired the little sun rays peaking through your blinders, loving the warm glow it gave you. When you got down stairs to the Great hall, you were greeted with the aromas of the delicious smelling food roaming in the air. Some students were already headed off to Hogsmeade, while other grabbed a quick bite. In the meanwhile, you took your time to truly enjoying the food for once. It felt like your first day all over again. After that day, you always found yourself overwhelmed with homework and essays to write. You always were in a rush, storming from class to class. So this peaceful morning where you really could enjoy your food, was a true blessing.

After a good filling breakfast, you made your way towards the library. You were going to pick out a good book, before you would head out to the courtyard later today. You wanted to read outside while laying in the grass or sitting against a tree. Just hearing the birds sing their little songs, wind softly whistling in your ear and the soft sounds of water, made you feel at peace with yourself. Plus you nearly always had a beautiful sight in front of you. You could take your mind off things for once.   You had picked out a few books to choose from. You would read a few pages of each before deciding which one was more your liking. You started with the book that laid on top of your little pile. It had really grabbed your attention, because you didn’t realized someone had stood in front of you until they spoke up. “Hey (y/n)”, the voice said softly. Your head shot up, a bit startled from the sudden interruption. You saw a rather awkward Draco standing in front of your table, with a soft smile on his face. You were quite shocked to see him here. The two of you rarely spoke to one another, only the basic small talks whenever you had a class together or passed each other in the halls. You had heard plenty of things about him, but never knew for sure what to think of him yourself. He always seemed so cold and closed off, even rude. But he never was rude towards you, which was odd. Not that he was particularly sweet either. But if you paid enough attention, there often would form a small smile on his face as he passed you or as your eyes locked for a short moment. Maybe that was just you overthinking things because you had a small crush on him. You didn’t even knew what you liked about him. Maybe his mysteriousness or his attractiveness. You barely knew him and that intrigued you in a way. There seems more to him than meets the eye. 

“Oh, hi”, you smiled a bit confused. You carefully closed your book, holding your finger between the pages you were reading. This way you could look at him with full attention. “How are you?”, he asked, still standing in the same spot with his hands behind his back. He looked a bit stiff, so naturally you signaled him to sit down on the chair that stood in front of him. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?” you replied kindly, still unsure of where this conversation was going to go. “I’m good”, he ran his hand through his platinum locks. It looked so soft and shiny, making him even more attractive. The colour of his hair, fitted perfectly with his icy blue eyes. They always seemed to stand out against his dark shaded clothes. They hypnotized you with their intense stares and small sparkles of mystery.  You weren’t sure, but it seemed like he was nervous. He always kept a good posture, a smug smirk covering his face while his eyes were already judging the depths of your soul. He always came off a bit arrogant. While now he seemed more soft, which seemed odd. His shoulders slouched a bit, a small smile curving his lips, while shy eyes looked intensely at the wooden table, as if he tried to bore holes through it. But of course you never would know for sure, maybe he always was like this around his friends. Maybe his arrogant coldness was just an act. 

You sat in quiet for a little, while you pondered over your racing thoughts. Why did he sat with you in a nearly empty library. Only a few students were sat at the tables or in the comfortable chairs, either making homework or trying to read in peace. He sat with you while he could have fun with his friends instead. It wasn’t like you were that entertaining, for him at least. You hesitated a bit, before finally asking him the question that took all your attention. “Why didn’t you go to Hogsmeade today? Particularly with this beautiful weather, seems like a missed opportunity”. His eyes slowly went back up to meet yours, a smirk lightly taking the place of his previous soft smile. “I could be asking you the same”, he said smoothly. It was true though. Most people would call you mental for not going to Hogsmeade. But it just wasn’t your thing. “Well, I uhm, .. I didn’t want to go.. I rarely go to Hogsmeade. It’s always so crowded. I prefer the calmness here”, you answered honestly. You didn’t knew why you felt anxious telling him that, but it slowly crept onto you. Maybe you were afraid of what he would say. Nearly everyone loved Hogsmeade, so you must be out of your mind to not like it. But to your surprise he only smiled, nodding understandingly at your reply. You fiddled a bit with the hair elastic around your arm. “But you still haven’t answered my question though”, your voice sounded soft, nearly inaudible. Draco’s smile fell for a split second, before it regained its unusual brightness. “Well there wasn’t anything I wanted to see there”, he shrugged. Now it was your turn to nod. An awkward silence dared to fall over the two of you. You didn’t want the conversation to end yet, so you asked him another question that had sparked your curiosity. “What are your plans for today then?” 

It was only 10 in the morning. There were plenty of things he could choose from and more than enough time to fulfill them. “I thought.. that maybe.. I could spend the day with you”, he said as he leaned on his forearms to get a bit closer to you. A small, innocent smirk plastered onto his face, making him look that tad bit more attractive. You felt a light pink blush creep onto your cheeks and nose. You were taken back by his words. As if your ears had played some cruel trick on you. He couldn’t possibly want to spend time with you. “Excuse me?”, you asked shocked as your eyebrow pulled itself into an arch. Your voice must have sounded a bit harsh, because his face fell low. “I wanted to spend time with you”, he said unsure. Your face started to heat up more. He truly meant it. A happy tingling feeling filled your body, as excitement started to rise up. But you didn’t want to appear desperate, so you tried to answer him nonchalantly. “Okay, whatever flows your boat”, while those words flew out of your mouth, you picked up your book. You lifted it up high enough, so it would block your face from his view. It wasn’t a way to seem rude, but more so to hide your beet red face. You couldn’t believe he actually wanted to spend time with you. 

But that action must have given him another impression. He softly placed his finger on top of your book and pushed it down till your eyes were visible again. He had one eyebrow raised questionably, looking confused and a bit hurt. But even if your book was lower now, you still tried to continue your reading. It was hard to focus though. His eyes stared intensely at your figure. It was as if he was trying to find a way to your soul, and it worked. The longer you tried to ignore him, the harder it got. Your heart was racing, hammering against your chest. You started to tap your foot rapidly against the floor, hoping it would ease your anxiety.  

After a minute or maybe two, he decided he had enough of your behavior. He came to spend time with you, not to get ignored. He rudely took the book out of your hands. As he did so, your hands slightly brushed against one another. He closed the book onto the table, making a loud thud echo in the library Luckily the little amount of students cared too less to look up from their books. “Hey”, you exclaimed as your eyes stared into his, “How am I supposed to know what page I was on?” A small pout made its way onto your face, while you focused your angry glare on him. You crossed your arms in front of you, making you look like a little child. “Pfft, you will know”, he rolled his eyes. “No I won’t. I am not as smart as you”, you stated back annoyed. He looked puzzled at your statement. But it was true, you weren’t particularly smart. Surely not compared to him or Granger. You needed to put in twice the work to get an average grade. 

While he thought over a good response, you took your chance to subtly get your book back. His eyes stared at you, but his mind seemed somewhere else. As you kept your gaze onto him, you slowly leaned in closer. Your crossed arms were now leaning onto the table, while one of them was carefully reaching forward. You fingers softly slid over the table’s surface, making little to no sound at all. The smooth wooden surface gave you that advantage. Your eyes scanned his every move, but seemed to find none. He looked like he was stuck in a sea of thoughts, nearly drowning in them. You couldn’t keep quiet. It would give your intentions free more easily. “Besides, It’s still rude”, you decided to speak up, in hopes of getting the conversation going. Hoping that the conversation would keep his attention from your book, or wandering hand. In order to reach your book, you needed to tuck your legs underneath yourself. You were very close to the books, only a few more centimeters left. But that also meant that your face was nearing Draco’s. Not that you were focussed on that matter. Your eyes had subtly trailed of to your hand. You nearly could call out victory, only to be stopped by a bigger, but softer hand landing on top of yours. Draco’s hand felt warmer than you had expected.  As you allowed your eyes to meet his again, you were greeted with a smirking face. He leaned in only the smallest bit, nearly making your noses bump against one another. “Well, let me make it up to you”, he stated more than suggesting it. His minty breath softly fanned against your already heated up skin. Your cheeks returned to their beet red colour, as you started to realize how close you were to him. Never before had you seen his eyes from this close up. Every little speck of silver could be detected in his icy blue eyes. They were more mesmerizing than ever before. Draco’s smirk only grew wider at the sight of your reaction. He grabbed the book with his free hand, while the one that had laid on top of your smaller one, came to intertwine your fingers together. It was very unusual for Draco to show such sort of affection towards anyone, but you weren’t going to complain. It felt good to hold his hand.  He stood up, softly pulling you out of your seat too. You followed his lead towards the library doors. No further words were exchanged, till he suddenly handed you your book back. As you looked down to it, you saw he had saved the page you had ended on. “Thank you”, you mumbled, smiling to yourself. Your chest filled with an unknown warmth that slowly made its way throughout your body. It was a small, nearly non important, gesture. But to you, as a bookworm, it meant more. It was very sweet of him to do such a thin, while he always seemed so cold and cruel towards others. 

He led you out of Hogwarts, towards the Great lake. Where to your surprise nearly anyone could be found. It was odd, seen that often students came out here to relax and enjoy the view. But today you had the place almost to yourself. You immediately felt happier. The sun warmed your skin, while a soft spring breeze played with your hair and clothes. A wide smile was plastered on your face, as you hummed a soft melody. You swung your intertwined hands a little, showing your happiness to Draco. You didn’t noticed as he looked adoringly at you with a loving smile covering his face. The light made your skin glow, your smile warmed his heart and your eyes sparkled brighter than the lake ever could. He nearly lost himself. You came to a stop, when you spotted a nice place where you could sit. You felt Draco bump into you lightly, seemingly being in his thoughts. “Is it okay if we sit here?”, you smiled amused at him, as he slowly came out of his trance. “Yeah sure, where ever you like”. You quickly sunk to the ground, loving how the grass felt underneath your bare skin. It always tickled a bit. As Draco didn’t immediately followed your lead to sit, you pulled softly onto his sleeve. You patted the space next to you, gesturing him to sit there. Which he gladly did. 

The two of you soon fell into a comfortable conversation. It didn’t felt forced or strange. It had a natural flow to it, as if you had knew one another for years. Which technically you did, but you just had rarely talked to one another. You only had created an image of him from the information you got from others, but that was nowhere near the truth. As for now, you could base your image of him from your personal experience. You learned many things about the mysterious platinum blond. You had started off by telling him about your life back in your muggle home, while he offered some fun stories about his youth in the wizard world. You felt so comfortable that you even told him about the many times your grandparents had taken you to the beach. Each trip ended the same; with you crying over some weird object that had hurt your foot while you had been in the water. After those stories you had not much choices left, but to admit your fear of the unknowns of the ocean to Draco. You face had heat up form embarrassment, while he just smiled lovingly at you. He took your hand in his, caressing the skin softly with his thumb. “Don’t worry, everyone has fears”, he whispered, as he had lend in closer to your face. You held each other eyes for a while, just adoring the sweet moment. He started to tell you about his own fear for birds. White feathered peacocks to be particular. His dad loved them, still does. They always visited a farm where they had many of them, often looking if they could have one as a pet. But one day a white peacock decided to escape form his territory and attack him. It chased Draco down the farm, up to the road; till he eventually could escape by climbing in a tall tree. For hours the poor boy had been too scared to come back down. Since that day, Draco could never look at white birds the same. The story made you chuckle lightly, which he surprisingly did too. You two continued to share funny stories from past moments, having a good laugh. But you also discovered some unexpected similarities between you. Such as your love and passion for astronomy and nature. Both subjects held some fascinating secrets a human mind would never be able to understand. 

“Up for a quick swim?”,Draco suggested after hours of talking. You softly nudged his shoulder, looking at him with a suspicious face. “Just to get a cooling refreshment”, he added innocent, with his hands in the air as a sign of surrender. It would be nice to feel the cold water against your heated skin, after hours of sitting in the bright sun. But you weren’t sure. The Great lake was beautiful, but it also had unknown secrets. It is a wizard world after all, who knows what creatures or objects might hide into the depths of it. “Maybe later”, you kindly declined his offer. “It”ll be fun, I promise”, he tried to change your mind, as a soft smile covered his face. But a light smirk started to pull at the corners of his lips. You drifted your gaze off towards your lap, fiddling with your hands. You thought over some pro’s and con’s, scrunching your face in the process. You heard some movement from beside you, but payed it not much attention. You were too busy thinking off every possible outcome. “As tempting as it sounds, it’s still a no for now”, You mumbled softly. After speaking, you looked back up to him. Your eyes were met with a shirtless Draco, who was smirking mischievously. The sun shone brightly onto his now exposed skin, giving him a nice sun kissed glow. The shadows that were cast on his bare upper half, made his muscles look more prominent. They also accentuated his abs. They weren’t too prominent, but still enough to show off his good body. Your eyes quickly grew wide at the sight of him, while the heat easily returned to your already reddened face. Your cheeks and nose became a vibrant red, as you tried to avoid his gaze at all cost. “Okay, whatever you like”, he teased. He slowly made his way to the water, but looked behind him once more. His eyes met yours, as his smirk shone wider than ever. He winked at you, before jumping in the water. His action nearly made your heart explode, making it pump triple as hard. You laid flat out onto the grass, covering your hot face with your hands. A soft groan left your lips, as you tried to get a grip of yourself. After a few moments of breathing in the soft spring scent, you felt your heart ease a little. You flipped onto your stomach, face towards the water. You decided to continue your reading, in hopes to take your mind off your thoughts. But every so often, you caught yourself glancing to where Draco was swimming lazily around. His figure started to shrink a little as he made his way deeper into the water.  

- To be continued -

[alrighttevans]

evermore

but if the world was ending you’d hold me, right?

inspired by this prompt 

Ao3 link

The tight grip over her heart was no stranger to Ladybug.

In fact, as much as she loathed the fact, it had grown into a very much familiar sensation for her. When she was Marinette, she felt it when she was on the verge of an anxiety crisis. When she was Ladybug, she felt it every time she watched an akuma take her partner from her right before her eyes.

On a few occasions, it was a spell she could manage to break. More often than not, it was some kind of possession that would turn him against her until she managed to capture the akuma. Yet, sometimes — too many times, for her displeasure —, it was murder, what took Chat Noir from her.

She felt deeply distressed every single time she lost her Chaton in battle, even though it had happened several times already — the stupid cat always had to put himself between her and any dangerous threat, being the great foolish hero that he was —, it always brought a sharp and incessant pain into her chest, like it was the first. At the pace that a little corner on her mind that archived the multiple occasions in which Chat had heroically and selflessly and kindly sacrificed himself for her had only grown larger, so had the hurt that each event left on her. She was not ready, when Timebreaker had taken him from her, back when they were still very young. She was not ready, when he had jumped from the gameboard, back at the time they fought against Gamer for a second time. She was not ready now, when the Polished Avenger had erased him from existence, so she could now control who was anybody and who wasn’t. 

When Ladybug hadn’t been quick enough to dodge the akuma’s attack and Chat Noir refused to let her pay the price for that mistake.

She was not ready.

Ladybug still found herself shaking, as she ran for her life, unwilling to allow her partner’s sacrifice to go to waste. She still felt her whole person being filled with a mixture of both fear and despair, as she gasped for air, leaning back on one of the walls of the narrow alley she had converted into her current hiding spot. She still had a growing overwhelming need inside her telling her to sit in a corner and cry, as she attempted to stop the tears that threatened to fall off her bluebell hurt eyes.

It was not supposed to happen, him being taken. 

They were Ladybug and Chat Noir! They were complements of each other! There was no creation without destruction! She became unbalanced without him; lost, even, to a certain extent — even though you wouldn’t hear her admitting to that —, because she wasn’t supposed to do this without him! She didn’t want to do this without him, but she had to, if she ever wished to see him again.            

No, Ladybug couldn’t allow herself to drown in the sorrowful taste that rose through her throat. She couldn’t give herself the benefit of the doubt; Paris depended on her, her sanity depended on her, her kitty depended on her and she had only one chance to capture the akuma and make things right again — one misstep and she would be doomed.

So she ordered herself to stop stalling and do her fucking job, because the clock was ticking and she couldn’t fail. Keep yourself together, she chastised, as she wiped her tears away and blinked a few times, trying to regain the focus she needed to think clearly and win this battle — and bring him back —, even if the weight over her shoulders kept pulling her from her objective.

Just… Why did he keep doing that? Didn’t he realise what a mess she became once he was gone? She loved him for all the qualities that made Chat Noir who he was, yet she still hated him for it, since those same qualities were the ones driving him into taking a hit for her again and again. Had he no sense of self preservation? Honestly. The boy could use some.   

She tugged her pigtails, sliding her fingers through her long dark locks. 

Focus, Ladybug. 

Throwing her hand upwards, she called for her lucky charm, hoping her luck wouldn't abandon her, and a red and black candy apple fell into her hands.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” She frowned, before carefully poking her head out of her safe area to see if she could find something that would snap the solution to all of her problems in her mind. Ladybug’s eyes ran through the perimeter and she was able to see the Polished Avenger searching for her, calling for that “pesky bug”, as the akuma so kindly nicknamed her; an idea forming in her head.

Feeling the ever so familiar adrenaline of a risky fight taking charge of her, Ladybug dashed back to the battlefield, only daring to go as close to the akuma as her plan demanded to. “Looking for me?” She called, before a frown took place in her face. Polished Avenger wasn’t there. Where had she gone to? Oh, no. Her frown was replaced by wide eyes at the realisation; it was a trap. 

Panic ran through her veins, as she looked around her, alarmed to find her opponent coming from only God knows where and jumping on her. She gave a last minute back flip, that prevented her from disappearing right that second and quickly occupied herself with putting as much distance as she could from the akuma. She couldn’t afford sloppy tactics, otherwise she would lose, lose him. She couldn’t let his faith in her to be misplaced.    

As she watched the Polished Avenger getting closer and closer from the corner of her eye, trying to touch her with her bloody duster, she threw her yoyo on the balcony of a nearby building and pulled herself out of the akuma’s way. 

“You can’t run forever, you annoying little pest.” The akumatized woman snarled, watching her carefully.

“Trust me, I don’t plan to.” Ladybug replied, more to herself than to her opponent, and threw her yoyo onto a farther building, one in which would give her enough time to land on the ground without being hit at the pace that the akuma chased her on foot.  

The Polished Avenger was just a few yards away when Ladybug prayed that her aim wouldn’t betray her and threw the candy apple in her opponent’s direction, as she held her breath. The akuma caught the sweet in the air, before it could hit her, and stretched her hand open to toss off the candy as she followed her way, only to stop when she noticed the apple candy was still on her hand. The woman tried to shake her hand like a loon, glaring at the offending sweet and sneer in frustration, but she couldn’t get rid of the apple candy. Lastly, she let go of the duster to try and remove it with her other hand, and Ladybug wasted no time and snatched the duster with her yoyo. When the akuma realised what she was doing, it was already too late; she broke the object and freed the familiar black butterfly from it. Quicky, Ladybug captured the akuma and cleansed it. 

“Bye-bye, little butterfly.” She said, as she dashed to the very confused woman standing before her and took the apple candy from her hands, without either a ‘please’ or a comforting comment to her; Ladybug was yet too exhausted, too shaken, too anxious to think about anybody else. She had won, it would have to do for now. “Miraculous Ladybug!” She called while she threw the candy into the air, feeling the bittersweet taste of her victory on her tongue.  

Chat Noir blinked, feeling the familiar sensation of time loss and confusion after an akuma possession flow through him, trying to evaluate as much as he could from his surroundings, however, he couldn’t assess much, for the first thing he put his eyes on was the red and black blur that was Ladybug running in his direction and throwing herself in his arms. 

Even though his eyes widened, his arms immediately found her back and held her, just as tight as she pressed herself to him. It took Chat a second to realise the soft, subtle sound of his lady sobbing, as he felt shock run through his body. 

 “My lady?” He called, as quietly as he could when he was full with concern.

She didn’t answer, at first, but buried her head in the crook of his neck and kept shedding her tears, and the only thing Chat could do was to hug her close, as she took her time and his heart filled with fright with whatever had got Ladybug this distressed. 

“Why do you keep doing that?” Her question came as a whisper, one in which he wouldn’t have caught, if it wasn’t for his heightened senses, causing his brows to meet in a frown.

“That what?” 

“Dying for me.” Ladybug’s voice broke with her answer, and his jaw dropped. 

She was crying because of him?

He was the mindless prat that had made her cry?

“I… I can’t help it. The thought of you—” Chat shook his head, refusing to verbalize that dreadful thought that haunted him every time his lady was caught in imminent danger, and it was his duty to prevent it from happening. “The world doesn’t end when I get hit by an akuma.” 

“Mine does.” He felt his heart break as she pulled her face away from his neck, allowing him to see the painful watery gaze on her pale blue eyes. He was hurting her, and he couldn’t bear to see her heart break. 

“It’s okay.” His hands found her face, as he cupped her cheeks, and Chat, touching her softly, carefully wiped her falling tears, that led a melancholic thread behind them. “I’m okay. It’s just temporary, everything always goes back into place.” 

“What if someday I can’t fix everything?” Ladybug prodded, “What if I lose you forever?” She whispered, as if she was afraid that, if she spoke too loud, some superior force would listen and shape her nightmare into reality. 

It was like having a knife being continuously stabbed into his chest, to watch Ladybug drowning herself in the ocean of guilt about his safety. She shouldn’t have the weight of his actions making her sink faster. Couldn’t she see that it was all for the best? For if she was the one that was gone, Chat Noir would break. He wouldn’t be able to think clearly and come up with a smart solution, as she did every time. He wouldn’t be able to focus on studying the akuma’s weaknesses, but instead he would fall into a deep cliff of despair and nothing and no-one would have the power to bring him back. Paris would be doomed; stuck with a hero too unstable to do his job. However, even if he managed to overcome his distress, he didn’t have a Miraculous Ladybug Cure to make it all right again — he would never be able to recover from losing her forever. How could she fathom the idea of him not preventing this catastrophe from happening?

Well, he wasn’t the one that was going to ask her that. 

One task at the time, and the present worry was to take that sorrowful expression off of her lovely features. 

“Do you really think you can get rid of me that easily?” He inquired, with a cocky smile, hoping his light comment would bring a smile to her lips. “I’ve told you, my lady, you have a life sentence to serve for stealing my heart.” 

“Chat! This is serious!” She chastised, hesitantly removing her arms from his neck to cross them over her chest. She still was a bit worried he’d vanish again if she ever let go of him.“You-you have to stop it. I can't watch you disappear before me, because of me ever again.”

“It's okay, Ladybug. It'll always be okay.”

“No, it’s not! Promise me you won't do it again.” She was inflexible; Ladybug had always been stubborn, but this, oh, she definitely was not backing down from this argument. He could see it on her eyes — they burnt with determination and fury. In usual circumstances, he would be intimidated by the glare she was throwing his way. Normally, he would soon agree with her, for she generally was right, especially concerning serious matters. She was a brilliant girl, after all. He would be a fool not to listen to her. But this? This wasn’t something he could give her. He would rather be forever gone than to live in a world where she didn’t. “Please.” Her tone was somewhere between demanding and begging. 

“I can't, my lady. I'm sorry.” 

“Stupid cat.” She scolded, before burying herself on his chest again and his arms immediately wrapped her close — it seemed that they never were close enough, even though the space between their bodies was none. 

They remained there, in silence, longing for more of something they couldn’t name, until the sound of her earrings beeping was what broke them apart and both their eyes grew wide with the realisation of what that meant. Chat Noir sighed, feeling a sudden exhaustion and all the weight that came with his duty settling over his shoulders. They could stay hours, days, years, there, in each other's arms, if it wasn’t for the alarm that dreadly announced the end of their timed moment together — the curse of desire and responsibility that kept chasing Chat, despite his best efforts. 

He was the first to let go, knowing all too well that if he dared to wait for a few more minutes, he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to do so. As soon as she felt the absence of his hands on the small of her back, Ladybug slowly untangled herself from him. Her pale blue eyes shone with the words that were stuck on her throat, as she raised her fist to him, with a bittersweet smile on her face.

Chat bumped into her fist with his own, without ever taking his gaze away from hers, as he wondered if she could read the I love you he tried to communicate to her with his cat-like eyes. 

However, “Pound it.” was the only thing they both said, in unison, before forcibly parting ways.   

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTICE: Characters/settings ©2008 Atlus. Story © me. All rights reserved. M for later risque situations and coarse dialogue. Cover art by takethesnowtrain.

WARNING: Rise's views and Ai's views on the LGBT community, and especially those of other characters in this work of fiction, do not always line up with those of the author. Please do your own research! The more you understand, the better our world will be.

CHAPTER WARNING: Bulimia.

NOTE: Happy New Year! Welcome to my particularly long and exhaustive crackship tome that literally no one asked for! What else is new, right? The first scene of this chapter is almost entirely copy-pasted from my other P4 fanfiction, "We'll Face Ourselves", though I tried to spruce it up and shift perspective so it doesn't feel like quite so much rehash. I thought it served as a nice lead-in to this story, with some added focus on the new ship. The second half of this chapter and the rest of the fic is all-new, don't worry. The "Golden" is more a reference to it being additional "dlc" for my other fic, not to me specifically focusing on Marie or any such content exclusive to P4G. Apologies if this dashes anyone's expectations but I hope you enjoy the fic regardless!

As for anyone wishing for that fic to debut... you know the one... well, all things in time. Soon, I promise. In the meantime, check me out at jxsleator dot carrd dot co !

Jessex

                                                  PROLOGUE

Once upon a time, in the quaint town of Inaba… a minstrel girl and a stubborn princess fought over a handsome prince. Very briefly.

"Can't you give me a little kiss goodbye?" the minstrel pulled back to look up into the boy's stoic face, her large doe eyes shining with tears — on purpose. She was a top notch minstrel, after all. "Something to keep me from… from dying from missing you?"

"Oh please," the quiet innkeeper muttered under her breath with a begrudging smile.

However, the prince obliged the minstrel girl with a kindly kiss upon the forehead. She was in awe of his tenderness. Right up until…

"Excuse me? What do you think you're doing, you bitch?!"

The others pulled back to see royalty approaching, hands on her hips. A truly glamorous princess indeed, even though her regal vestments weren't nearly as radiant as they had been in days past. The ever-present lacy pink turtleneck lived underneath a cardigan today rather than her school uniform.

"What is who doing?" the pouting siren protested, clinging a little tighter to her prince's arm.

"You! Little trollop!" The flawless beauty stomped over to the two of them, honey-brown waves bouncing as she got right up in the singer's face. "Take your greedy little paws off my boyfriend!"

The idol stamped her foot and snapped, "HEY! I don't see your name on him anywhere!"

The prince gulped and began to back away. "Uh…"

"Really?" the princess scoffed. "What makes you think you have any claim to him, slut puppy? He went to the festival with me — and spent Christmas Eve with me, too! And for your goddamn information, we got pretty close!"

Though the siren was comely, and manipulative toward many of the young suitors in the land, it was in playful jest; she did consider them friends but couldn't seem to suppress her womanly wiles, so she flirted for sport. Alas, the princess wounded her deeply with such words; her lip wobbled at the princess's declarations, even though that may have been for show.

"Senpai, say that's not true! How could you, when I… I let you… you know!"

"Hey, it doesn't count when I'm just sitting there and you plop your butt down on my hand," the prince said reasonably. "And Ai-chan, we hugged a little; please don't tease her by making it sound like more."

The prince's pair of suitresses were chagrined. The princess seemed a little more genuinely hurt than her rival for his attentions but neither were particularly happy with being called out.

"Whew," the flop-haired jester exhaled, wiping his brow. "Don't know how you get away with it, juggling two chicks like that."

"That's not…" The prince sighed, shaking his head as he facepalmed. "Maybe I'm glad to be leaving."

But in truth, he was not. Nor was anyone else present. As they alternately squabbled and lamented the prince's parting, other classmates and citizens of Inaba began to approach to wish him bon voyage. He really had left an impression in the short year he had lived there. When the train whistle signalled that it was about to pull away, the bickering came to an end so they could truly see their friend off. A lot of tearful hugs and well wishes were offered before the prince was inside, looking out the window at them as it pulled away from the station. They ran after him all the way to the end of the platform until they ran out of space, then stood waving after him until the train was completely out of sight.

And thus the prince's tale gave way to another. One about a minstrel who had lost her way and found it again, and a princess who had not always known she was a princess at all.

                                                         -------------------------------

                                                                CHAPTER ONE

"I just… he really left," Rise Kujikawa finally sobbed now that the click-clack sounds of the train had faded into the distance.

"Geez, turn it off already," Yosuke Hanamura sighed as he clasped his hands behind his neck, pressing his floppy hair hard against his neck. They turned away to start toward home or wherever the night might take them. "You don't have to keep up the act when he's not even here."

"Act?!" She shoved him from behind, and he stumbled a couple of steps as his arms windmilled out to the sides, attempting to regain his balance. "Not cool, Hanamura! I am grieving the death of my relationship!"

"What relationship?" Kanji Tatsumi grunted.

"Boys, you could be a little more sensitive," Yukiko Amagi told them in an even, reasonable tone. She was dabbing at her eyes like everyone else, and leaning a little more heavily than usual on her best friend, Chie Satonaka, but she seemed to be maintaining her composure better than Rise could manage. "We're all going to miss him so much."

"I'm just trying to get Rise to wake up," Yosuke persisted anyway. "She's delusional. We all know Nakamura was trying to scam on that chick at the hospital."

"What?"

"You know. The nurse. Though I think she moved away…"

Kanji cleared his throat. "Actually, I… thought that woman with the kid was his squeeze. Y'know, the one that came up to him a minute ago?"

Chie squeaked, "He was doing what with who?! That's… why? Why chase a married woman?!"

"Oh, I thought it was one of you girls."

The group of them turned to blink at the girl from the drama club. "Who are you again?" Yosuke asked — very rudely, even though they were all thinking it.

"Yumi Ozawa," she said softly with a slight bow. "He gave me a great deal of help when I was dealing with my own family problems, you know. And… well, I revealed I had feelings for him, and he shut me down. Just said he wanted to remain friends, and it's hard to argue with that, isn't it?"

While Chie and Yukiko were chattering to her about that, the boys suffering through a "girly" conversation they had no interest in, the slightly jealous Rise found herself momentarily distracted. Everyone kept moving along as she slowly came to a halt, turned her white sandals off to the side, and approached someone who looked like she could use her company. Even if she wasn't absolutely sure of that.

"You okay over here?"

"Oh… no, no, I'm fine. Mind your own goddamn business."

"Wooooow. I guess that's what I get for caring, huh?"

"Wait," Ebihara suddenly blurted, standing up from the bus stop bench and taking a couple of steps toward her. "All right, I may have been unnecessarily rude. I just have no idea why you would want to talk to me when I was your rival for Narukami's affections."

"Because you looked kind of pathetic over here, all by yourself."

"I did not! I'm not 'pathetic', I'm legitimately upset that my boyfriend left!"

"He wasn't your…" But at least she managed to cut herself off with a roll of her eyes, swallowing down the jab and instead moving to hold onto Ebihara's shoulder. Tears were already rolling down the teen queen's cheeks, and her voice was tight and strangled, as if she were fighting back tears — clearly a losing battle. "He could never stay here. We all kind of knew that, and just talked ourselves out of believing it. I'm so mad! But… I have to get over it."

Clearly shocked by her more reasonable response, the prissy girl took a moment longer to respond herself. By the time she did, she was looking down toward their shoes. "Completely ridiculous. Right? I should have known better, I… ugh, I'm so pissed at myself."

"Right?!" Rise still wanted to slap her for trying to steal the boy of her dreams, but it really felt irrelevant now. So instead she tried for her most convincing smile — which, considering her previous vocation, was extremely convincing — and said, "Hey, um, why don't you try getting to know us a little better? Might as well, since you'll have more time on your hands now."

"Sounds stupid." The words came out so fraught with emotion that they were nearly unintelligible, but Rise still understood. "But I have nothing better to do, so lead on."

However, the closer they drew to the remaining group of students, the more anxious the prima donna became. Rise didn't know why exactly — and she couldn't know until Ai cleared her throat to get their attention. She could tell Naoto had been deep in discussion with Yukiko and Chie, though not what about.

"Yes?" Yukiko prompted her in mild surprise.

"I… thought I should say… I am sorry." She swallowed hard, brows furrowed. The expression still made her look angry and snobby, despite her tone of voice being gentle now; she just had resting bitch face. "Probably too late. But I was really going through some things when I sidelined you two in Aiya, and being rude is second nature to me. Can't be the most stunning girl in school without it going to your head, can you?"

"You say that like I would ever know," Chie snorted.

"Right. And… normally I would be agreeing with you and belittling you, Bowl Cu- I mean, Satonaka. I have a lot of practice." Grimacing, she growled, "Got so used to being queen bitch that it's hard to just be nice."

After a brief silence, so awkward that it felt as if any sound would have been preferable, Yukiko laid a hand on Ai's arm, gentle and reassuring. "Please, Ai-san. We all have darkness inside of us; nobody is a perfect person. So I think it's very admirable you're seeing your flaws and that you're trying to improve. I am the same, and so are my friends."

"Oh yeah?" The girl let out a wet-sounding laugh; indeed, tears were budding at the corners of her eyes. "How the hell aren't you perfect, Miss Goody Two-Shoes? I mean… I've always been so jealous of how the boys talk about you. No 'buts'."

"No butts?!" Chie burst out. "What do you mean? She's got a GREAT butt!"

Ai chuckled a little more heartily at that. Naoto was the only one who tapped her chin while noticing Yukiko's slight blush from the compliment; the others weren't paying it any attention. "No, no, not her ass. Which — fine, sure, it's fantastic. I mean like, they describe both of us as really beautiful, or hot or whatever. Same words for both of us. But with me, it always had a 'but she's such a bitch', 'but she's stuck up', 'but she's psycho' attached. Yukiko… a couple of guys said you were snooty if you turned them down for a date, but the rest of them saw through that. You're a good woman and I'm just a good-looking woman. I did so much work to be beautiful so boys would like me, but I'm just… ugly on the inside."

Though clearly, Yukiko was about to speak up, Chie beat her to the punch. "So that's it, huh? You're pathetic."

"Excuse me?"

"C'mon, Ebihara. You're made of tougher stuff than that. Where's that girl who slammed her leg up on the table in Aiya and demanded we appreciate it?"

Though the teen queen had been firing up, being reminded of that moment in the diner made her squirm and fold her arms tightly over her chest. "That was stupid. Do you wanna know why I did that?" When Yukiko nodded, she pushed ahead, "Thing is, I was a... when I was little, I was nowhere near the adorable Ai you see before you now. Fat and hideous, got told I had pig hooves. So like, I'm sure it sounds really stupid to you guys, but having dainty little feet now is super amazing to me still."

"You were fat?!" Chie demanded, looking her up and down afresh. "No way! I call bullshit!"

"Yep, a total blimp. And I got hella teased because I didn't match up with their…" What a pregnant pause. "W-whatever. Yu already knows all this stuff, but pretty much I decided to reinvent myself when I found out we were moving to Inaba. Obviously it went to my head, but… at least I'm better now. Getting better all the time."

The rest of the Investigation Team was speechless. Rise, for her part, couldn't believe the superficial teen queen actually had some substance under that lip gloss. Certainly hadn't seemed that way when Ai basically bit her head off just for being at the shopping center with Narukami. Maybe he was the one responsible. After all, the stoic boy had touched all their lives, brought about an awakening of sorts to their inner beauty that they likely would never have found within themselves without him shedding that light. It just seemed to be one of his latent talents. Unsurprising that he had done the same for the entitled fashionista.

"There seems to be only one solution for this predicament," Naoto was stating firmly with a small nod, finger tapping her chin. "We must return to Aiya to remember our departed friend, and strengthen our bonds with each other."

"Oooh, a party!" Rise piped up with an excited little bounce, despite the light drizzle that was beginning to fall. "Yes please!"

"I guess that's a plan," Chie agreed as Rise, Kanji and Yosuke joined them. "What do you guys think? We catching the portal to the meat dimension?"

Grimacing, Yosuke demanded, "Do you have to call it that every time, Satonaka?! Geesh! Sounds super nasty."

"Bet you can't even handle it."

"Wha- OH YEAH?! BRING IT ON!"

                                                               ~ o ~

"PHWOOOO! I can't even look at it anymore!"

The ragtag group of assorted teenagers, who would seemingly have nothing in common from an outsider's perspective, were all sitting back and holding their stomachs by now. It was almost painful how much meat was straining to escape the linings of their stomachs. Actually, it was painful for some of them.

"Yyyyeah," Rise groaned in agreement with Yukiko's statement, arms like wet noodles at her sides. "My… I'm pregnant… food baby…"

"Even I'm feeling it a little," Chie was chuckling as Rise staggered to her feet. "And normally I can demolish one of these no sweat!"

"Must be… getting old," Yosuke said as their voices began to fade into the background. She could hear Satonaka clapping back at him, but once the bathroom door shut she could no longer identify words, just noise.

In fact… there was a new noise filling the ladies' restroom. Not a pleasant one. Brow furrowing as her lip curled in disgust, she glanced at the bottoms of the stalls and saw a pair of designer shoes with their soles facing up.

"Is… are you okay… in there?"

"HRRK!" What a weird noise — but not nearly as weird as the sound of pronounced retching that followed. God, how disgusting! Maybe she should just backpedal out of the bathroom… but before she could act, there was some spitting, a clearing of the throat, and a strained tone calling out, "Mind your own business! Do you have to be so fucking nosey?!"

Oh no. "Wait — Ebihara?"

"Yes! And this isn't something I want anybody to…" Another gagging noise. "Ugh… you probably have an Aqua Balance on you, don't you, Risette?"

Her eye twitched. "Just because I did the commercials doesn't mean I have a bag full of them on me at all times, you know!" But she still hated to hear a girl in need, so she forced herself to continue, "Need me to hold your hair back?"

"No, I… I got it. Practice."

"Practice? Just how often do you toss your cookies?!"

Dead. Silence. When it had gone on for a few seconds too long to be normal, Rise began to sense she had broached a topic that Ebihara did not want broached. Her brow creased harder, and eventually she said in a meek voice, "I'll… go get you some water."

"Thanks."

She was so preoccupied as she hit the bar to get some ice water for the prissy girl that she didn't even comprehend the words of her friends calling out to her — though she couldn't even see Chie and Yukiko at the table anymore. The rest were probably asking her what she was doing. And what was she doing? Why was she helping this complete bitch who would never do the same thing for her? There was no doubt in her mind that Ebihara would have completely ignored her if she found her voiding her stomach in a public restroom. Might even have laughed at her. But she still remembered how distraught she looked when they said goodbye to their mutual love interest.

Maybe hanging out with the Investigation Team had revived the conscience of a jaded teen idol who had taken a brief hiatus from the spotlight. No, it definitely had done that; what was in question was whether or not the same could be said of Ebihara's willingness to open up to her peers.

"Okay, here," she sighed as she opened the door — and almost ran straight into the girl's face. "WHOA!"

"Shit!" Ai yelped as she took a step back, then patted down her chest. "You made my soul leave my body — what the hell are you doing?!"

"Bringing you water! Do you need to add a little ginkgo to your diet, Obaachan?! It's been like one minute since I told you!"

"Fuck your water! I'm gone, I don't need this!" And she actually tried to push past her.

"Wha- hey! No, you don't just get to run off like this!"

"Don't you tell me what I can and can't do, you cow! Now get your goddamn cankles and your crow's feet out of my fucking way!"

Holy shit. That was a lot of random venom. Rise knew already that she didn't have either of those things, but she still felt the sting regardless.

"I… was trying to help you, but fine. Go away." And she stepped to the side with a flip of one of her mauve-tinted pigtails. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out, brat."

What a mistake it had been to be nice to Ebihara. They were too much alike. Sure, Rise knew how to be polite, and was always warm and affectionate with her friends, but they both had the Bitch Gene and it ran strong through their veins. Ebi just led with that instead of saving it for people who deserved it.

She wasn't sure how long she had been standing there, looking stubbornly into the corner, before she felt the glass of water being taken from her fingers. She started to grab after it — instinct telling her she had dropped it and needed to catch it — until she saw Ai swishing it around in her mouth, then turning to spit into the sink.

"Oh," she breathed.

"What?" Ai grunted before she tipped the glass up again and started gulping it down. The lacy choker above her turtleneck bobbed with every swallow.

"Nothing, I just thought- I mean, did you leave and come back?"

Breathing a loud sigh as she set the glass down, she turned to glare at Rise. "Nosey. You ask too many questions all the time."

"I do not! They're really normal questions; you're just a bitch."

Her eyebrows furrowed, and her jaw tightened. Rise was absolutely positive she was about to give her a tongue lashing. But then she just snorted and shook her head, looking away.

"Wow. I don't know what I expected from Risette, but it wasn't you."

"I know," she began, making this up as she went along. "You either thought I would be completely spoiled and stuck up like you, or I would be such a goody-goody that I never had anything mean to say about anyone. Those are the two flavours of idols, right?"

Ebi smirked and pressed an open palm to the center of her chest. "I spoil myself. And I told you what I went through as a child; don't I deserve it? Isn't this my time to shine?"

"Not if it means you piss off everyone around you while shining. That's just selfish, you know. Don't you care about anyone but yourself?"

"No. Why should I? They don't care about me." Her haughty tone turned bitter. "Nobody in Inaba. Not anymore."

Most of her ire fading, she said, "You gotta put yourself out there. This whole time we've been at Aiya, you barely said a word. I actually forgot you were here until I heard you puking your guts out."

"See my point? The boys who idolize me are the only ones that remember I exist. And even them… I know they don't care about me as a person. They just keep hoping a strong breeze will show them a little flash of my panties."

"No, that's not right. I'm trying to tell you that it's your fault."

"Excuse me?"

"How are we supposed to get to know you if you just hang in the background and never say anything? That doesn't-"

"Look, I don't need to take this," Ebi sighed with a roll of her hazel eyes. "At this point, I just want to go home and be alone. Is that allowed? Or are you going to block the door again?"

Rise's lips thinned in frustration. It wasn't worth it. She didn't want to keep banging her head against this brick wall anymore. So she didn't even say a word; just turned her back on Ebi before she said something particularly nasty.

"Thanks for the water," the other girl offered shortly as she strode out through the door. And that really was it.

"At least she thanked me," she muttered to herself as she finally took her place in one of the stalls to do her business. But in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but replay those conversations over and over in her head.

Because none of that blustering truly hid the fact that Ai Ebihara was in pain. And if nobody did anything about it, Rise was almost dead certain she was heading for disaster.

-------------------------------

                                                 To Be Continued…

[im-hqlover]

Welcome to a new world

A/N - Hey guys, one more chapter of these fanfic. I was very inspired to continue this story, so I think it came faster. I hope you like it, because I'm finding it interesting to write this to be honest. So enjoy!

Warning: Some sad/anxious thoughts, maybe life risk? and probably English errors.

Y/n = Your name 

Word Count: 1939

First Chapter

Y/N's INFO:

Gender: Cis-Female

Sexuality: Straight

Height: Short

Weight: Not Defined

Skin Color: Not Defined

Hair Color: Not Defined

Eyes Color: Not Defined

Other details? No

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I had my eyes closed, and feeling that I was lying on a strange surface, I was not yet fully aware of what was happening, but I hear a voice, the same voice on the radio, he said:

"Hey milady, you don't look so good, but don't worry about me, I'm not the bad guy here, the ones you should be careful with are the monsters and don't starve, and as I'm a nice guy, I'll give you some little things."

I couldn't quite understand what he said, but when I woke up and regained my consciousness, I remembered him saying something about monsters and not starving. I sit and look around me, I was in a forest, but I was sure it wasn't the same forest I was in before, it was different. I got a fright when I hear the sound of something breaking, and when I look in the direction of the sound, I see something very bizarre, it was a rabbit, but an unusual rabbit.

- What. the. fuck. is. that. - It seems that I scared the rabbit when I said it out loud, because it ran away soon after.

I try to get up from there, even though I almost fell at first, I managed to keep my balance, I reach for my backpack that was on the floor and look inside.

I still had my water bottle, notepad, pencil, eraser, pen, which I always left in that backpack, because, you never know when you'll need to write something down, there was my sweatshirt jacket, my cell phone, the power bank that I had put in if the battery had run out while I was venturing into the forest, and there was a lighter too, which I was sure wasn't there before, because I never use a lighter, and there was a pocket knife too, which along with the lighter, wasn't there before.

I'm glad I always took some things with me, and I'm glad... those things came out of nowhere too? Well, it doesn't matter, it could be useful. Wherever I was, that is certainly not my city, in fact, no part of planet Earth to be honest. And my god, was this real? Was that possible? Or was that a dream? or was I hallucinating?

I was sure it was real and not a dream. Were my medications doing this? Because since I started taking them again, this madness started. But... it didn't make sense. So would that be another universe or something like this?

There was no time to think about it, I had to do something, I had to go home somehow and I had to survive in that weird place. If a rabbit already looked frightening here, imagine the other animals? I just know that maybe I won't be able to survive for long, because I never knew many things about how to survive.

Come on y/n, think, remember those rare episodes that you watched from those series that people had to survive. Okay, that could be fake, and they had a team, if something went wrong they are likely to be saved, already here, I don't even know if there is another human here.

Now I don't even know what would kill me before, my thoughts, hunger, for some animal, or just for my incompetence of survival.

But I had to stop, I had to take a deep breath and think, I had to find some source of water first, since a human can live much longer without food than without water, and even if I had a bottle of water that would certainly not be enough, it helped, but not for long. I could hear the sound of water in the distance and I followed this sound, until I could find a river, it was good that I stay there for a while or follow the course of the river so I wouldn't lose it.

When I got there, I don't know how long I was unconscious, but if the days are the same, then it should be noon now, or a little later than that.

I take the backpack off my back and take out my cell phone, and of course, there was no signal, no internet, and the battery was already at 60%, I turn it off, because maybe the battery would last some time longer, actually, I don't even know if I would use my cell phone, because without a signal for connection and without internet, it was useless, just maybe I could use it as a flashlight. I put the phone back in the backpack and grab my notepad and pen, and on a blank page I put 1, so that I would know that this was my first day there.

I put everything away again and start paying attention to my surroundings, I had better get some food, so in order not to get lost from where I was, I picked up the pocket knife and made some marks on the trees so that I would know how to get back towards the river.

As I walked I found some carrots on the ground, and I picked them up, maybe if I cook them if they get better afterwards. Everything was going well, or the best that could be, given the situation. When I picked up five carrots I decided to head back towards the river and when I got there, I started building a small fire. I gathered all kinds of branches and pieces of trees and dry leaves that I could, I gathered everything and together with the lighter I did a fire.

- Eureka! I'm like cavemen! - Even if I tried to lift my mood, I knew it was useless. I sigh and sit by the small fire while I wait for the carrots to be ready, as I've never baked a carrot before, I already expected some of them to burn or otherwise go raw, but it was better than nothing, imagine if i had to eat insects and larvae, ugh, just thinking makes me want to throw up.

As I look towards the sun I realize that it was starting to get darker, and that I was worried about, because I had the feeling that the night wouldn't be good, and to prevent being in the dark, I started to collect several leaves, sticks, pine cones, and everything that could be flammable.

So far I haven't found any monsters that have tried to kill me, at least not yet, I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened, and I don't even know how to hunt or fight a wild animal, and I don't even know what to expect.

The sun started to set and I didn't know if I enjoyed it or despaired, but as I was desperate all the time, why not resting a little and enjoying the sunset? I stood beside the fire, which was very hot, while the last rays of sunlight disappeared on the horizon.

I stayed up all night looking at the fire, the fear of something attacking me while I was asleep was terrifying, and I didn't want that to happen, even if if a monster attacked, there wouldn't be much I could do. I sighed in relief when the sun started to rise again, well, I managed to survive one day, uhul.

I decided that I would explore more today, I took my water bottle and filled it with water from the river, and with the rest of the fire that still had I boiled the water, at least so I would kill some microorganisms. After doing that, I took my backpack and started on my way, and to cheer up a little bit I started singing some songs that I remembered, that reassured me for a moment, until I heard a howl, I looked everywhere but I couldn't know where the sound was coming from, my heart started to beat faster, and I decided to run, until then I see a tree that I would be able to climb, and that's what I did, when I reached the middle I stopped, I looked in all directions but I couldn't see anything besides bushes, trees, some birds and butterflies.

It was better stay there for a while, until I was sure things were safe, but then I found a problem, getting off that tree, climbing was never a problem for me, but getting off was, and I was at some point that if I jumped or fell, I was sure to break some bone, or worse.

- Ok y/n, focus, just go... take it easy, and you won't get hurt. - And that's what I did, more or less, because right on the last branch it broke and I ended up falling to the ground, the good news is that I had reached the ground, the bad news, even if it was low, it still hurted me.

I pull myself together and check that there are no monsters around, and apparently not, I check my backpack and everything was still there. I go back to exploring and taking with me things I might need later. On the way I found several carrots, berries and seeds, as I didn't have a fire I started to eat anyway, maybe with a little fear because I was eating something raw, but it was food.

I walked for several hours until I feel something wet on my arm, and I realize that it started to rain, I look for somewhere that could shelter me, I knew that being close to trees was not ideal because they could attract lightning, but if I went to a field then it was certain that lightning would hit me, but I managed to find something like a cave, but it was a bad idea to get in there, because soon some spiders appeared and started chasing me, why did they have to be spiders?

I ran as fast as I could, until when I went to look back to see if I was still being chased, I didn't notice the roots of a tree, where I tripped and ended up twisting my right foot, I hissed in pain, and when I looked around I realized that at least those spiders had stopped chasing me. I tried to get up but failed and soon fell to the ground without the strength to get up.

I was soaked by the rain, I was dirty with mud, I was cold and my foot was injured, I knew that I probably wouldn't live long.

Several thoughts prowled my mind, will anyone notice that I am gone? If my family finds out? They would be devastated. What if people think I ran away just so I wouldn't pay Mr. Washington? I know it sounds silly, but it could be a possibility.

I couldn't keep tears of sadness, frustration and pain from falling, there were so many emotions that I didn't even know what I was really feeling.

Hopeless that I could live, I just lay there in the mud waiting for my end to come, unable to walk and in the rain, what could happen? I could lie there until the night came and the monsters caught me, or starve.

Until something spoke in my mind, it was weak and almost incomprehensible, but it told me not to give up, so what if I had injured a leg? I still had the other one that was fine, and even if I couldn't balance myself, I could still crawl, but I had to do something!

That gave me a spark of hope, that was right, I couldn't give up now.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I hope you enjoyed! Any English error/mistake let me know! If you liked it, please, consider like and/or reblog, it'll helps a lot. Constructive criticism is welcome! Until the next chapter! 

See ya

- Ina -

=-=-=-=-=

Masterlist

[emilyxvalentyne]

Alcoholic Love CH Part 3

A/n: here is part 3! I’m so glad you guys have loved the series. I am sooooo sorry I took forever to get this to you. This one is written in a 3rd person kinda scripted writing for the beginning of it. But then later on transition into Calum’s POV. I felt like it was important to portray his emotions now in the storyline. I wanted you guys to see how he has been dealing with their problems. This one is a bit short, so sorry I’m advance.

Disclaimer: I am in NO way associated with the characters used in this storyline. Nor am I a licensed personal to tell you what treatments the characters use in this part. Please seek personal help if you are developing or have any symptoms that make you concerned of your health

TRIGGERS/WARNING⚠️⚠️⚠️: Overdose, Alcohol Abuse, Drug Abuse, Depression, Anxiety. If you or a loved one are experiencing any of these illnesses please seek medical help or call the toll free numbers listed in the website below. You are not alone if you can not tolerate any of these triggers or warnings please STOP and skip this PART.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/

Word count: 1705

Part 3

EMT: “Vitals and BP are 76/55 a neighbor found her in her yard unresponsive. Unfortunately we could not find a form of identification, the police are working on the warrant to search the residents”

Dr.Lyn: “BP is low for her age. Any ideas why”

EMT: “ we found 3 bottles of alcohol at the residence”

Dr. Lyn: “well 3 bottles of beer could not have done her this much harm?”

EMT: “it wasn’t beer Doctor, it was 3bottles of Stella Rosa”

De. Lyn: “she’s going to need her stomach pumped, but before we continue, get radiology down her to preform an X-Ray to figure out why she can’t breath on her own.”

Nurse 1: Dr. Lyn Detective Mitchell is here to speak to you.

Dr. Lyn: great send him in.

Mitchell: Doctor we have contacted the owner of the residence he is on his way now. I need to speak to the patient when she regains her conscience.

Nurse 2: Dr. Lyn our patient blood pressure is dropping, radiology has confirmed that there vomit in her lungs.

Dr. Lyn: prepare suction tube to get it out of her lungs. Order an ultrasound. Look detective right now we are focusing on keeping her alive. If you could please get her information that would really help.

Nurse 2: Dr. Lyn you need to come see what’s on this ultra sound.

Dr. Lyn: Alright what is it.

Nurse 3: we went to get the vomit out of her lungs but we can’t preform the gastric suction, because we believe her appendix is about to rupture.

Dr. Lyn: let me see, run it over her right mid side. HER APPENDIX HAS RUPTURED WE NEED TO PREP HER FOR THE OR STAT! Let’s get her there now everyone let’s get her going, page Dr. Davis now.

Nurse and doctors rushed to get Emily into the OR. Meanwhile Calum was being held in the waiting room while he got his ID check, and so he can prove to the hospital that he knew who you are.

Mitchell: Calum Hood?

Calum: yes that’s me what is going on?

Mitchell: I’m Detective Mitchell I was called into this case when we found her at the residence. Now I need to ask you a few questions? Starting with her name, where she is from and any other information.

Calum: uhh okay yeah, her name is Emily Blanco, she from Las Vegas, and she is a full time student at UCLA, she on the girls soccer team.

Mitchell: and how do you know her?

Calum: she’s....... she’s my girlfriend, well ex girlfriend. Where is she I want to know I want to see her?

Mitchell: you’ll see her soon but as for right now you need to tell us how you can identify her tell us about her physical features so I and the hospital know that you are who you say she is.

Calum: okay. She has long dark almost black hair but it’s dyed blonde at the ends, She has brown eyes, a nose ring, a red dragon tattoo on her back, she 5’8, and she has a a birthmark on her left thigh.

Mitchell: alright I’m going to go work this information to the nurse and I want you to relax man. I’m going to give you my card if you have any other questions.

Calum: thank you detective.

——————————————————

I was just about to start my day when I got the call saying that there was an incident at my house. I never bothered changing the name to hers because I know she didn’t want to see me. She made that clear when I last saw her. I was going to give it some time before I would try to at lease speak with her. But I found myself not wanting too anymore.

Well now it felt like it was to late. I still don’t even know what happened. The lady I spoke with this morning only told me that they needed to search the house for their investigation, and that Emily was in the hospital and I needed to give out any information I know about her. Then that’s when I came directly here. I know that it’s Emily. But I myself, still have not processed what exactly is going on. I felt like I was in shock. I couldn’t hear anything, or feel anything. I now felt prisoner in my own conscience.

“Hey man is she okay? Have you heard anything yet?” Then my trance was broken. Ashton now appearing in my private waiting room. He didn’t look to well either. He seemed sad, worried, not his usual self. He damn well felt hundred times worse then I did. And that is what made me feel guilty.

“No man, they have not told me anything, I did get interrogated though. They’ve already built a case the house is getting searched right now” I don’t know why I felt this sort of way. I felt like I should not be here. Like I’m not that important. Her family should be here not me. I’m supposed to cry and feel anxious to hear from her, but I don’t. Now that is what made me a bad guy.

Ashton on the other hand was bitting his nails. A habit of his that he only does when he is anxious. Ashton was the first one to meet Emily. She was his roommate for 2 years before her and I got together. Ashton knew her from the inside out. Probably even better then I did. She was like his little sister. They never looked at each other anymore then that. Then when Emily and I started dating Ashton became distant with her. He both told us that he never wanted to get involved with our relationship because he strictly was never going to choose sides if we ever did split.

“Fuck man, I just hope she’s okay, I feel terrible for not checking in on her” he feels terrible about not speaking to her. About leaving her alone when she needed friends the most. About leaving her in the dark while I was out with someone new, all while she was trying her best to keep it alive. And Ashton was the one who felt terrible. I felt terrible for not caring. For feeling selfish and wanting to walk out right now. That how much of a piece of shit I am.

I took the past month of my life and moved on. I moved on so fast that I never let myself grieve over the lost of her love. Time and time again I let her down. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve a guy who spent his time lying and cheating on her. She didn’t deserve to wasting her time waiting up on me to come home, all while I was out sleeping in some other girls bed. She took care of me while I was sick. She picked me up from airports and parties when I couldn’t drive. She showed my parents the city of LA while I was working. She stayed through all the tours and was patience when we went on months with out seeing one another. She did it all. Just for me to forget about her so quick. I ditched her the moment things got complicated for me.

I wanted to so badly just get up and leave. To never step foot any near a place she was at. I wanted to permanently make myself forget that this ever happened. But if I leave now it would only prove I was the bad guy. I never use to let my ego control me. I never had much of one until I started seeing Haylee.

Haylee Bell, she was the blonde who took up most of my time. Haylee was my escape. I could fake that she needed me. That would be my ticket out of here. Ashton would have to buy it. I could just tell him that she was not feeling well and that I have to go see her. That would get me out of here. The only thing is that if the detectives came to find me here I wouldn’t be here.

“I got to go Ash, Haylee isn’t feeling to well”

“You’re just going to leave Cal? Aren’t you worried?”

“I am Ash. I just need to go handle Haylee first, I got to clear my mind up a bit” it wasn’t a complete lie. I was worried but I just needed to leave. Maybe if I convince myself that everything was fine it would turn out fine. I just needed to see Haylee.

————————————-

“Come on babe, you know you want too? Go to Steven he can get you a score” her sweet words had me at my knees. I needed to relieve my stress and get myself high. To get this weight lifted off my shoulders for just a few hours.

As always Steven met in the back ally by her apartment. It was always a causal deal. I take out the trash and see Steven taking out his. We exchange a quick hug and then we hand off. Nothing more. Then I make it back to Haylee’s.

“Good your back now let’s do this” words like that should excite someone, usually they’re tied to sex. But now for us. Ours excites us more. It’s like a kid opening his Christmas gifts and seeing that he got all that he wanted and more. This is what keeps me alive. Without it I would be down in the dumps. I first started it when I met Haylee. It was at a club on sunset Blvd. It was only two lines. Then as started seeing her more it tired in to three, then four, now five. As the effect starts to fade. That’s when I go in for another round. Nothing can bet the feeling then finally getting to fucking score off on drug.

I don’t love Haylee. But I now only use her as my anchor. I’m tied down here because she she knows the best dealers in LA. She’s a fucking decoy for my one love. I love cocaine.

@shanetoo @kikibelle @ambermtz13

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

WARNING : Graphic description of BLood and Violence. A Mild description of Panic/Anxiety attack .... 

And Not Beta Read. Sorry if there’s a mistake.

Click link to read on AO3. Click Keep Reading to read on tumblr~~

Chapter 1 3

Chapter 2

Word count : 2.4 k

From time to time their hangouts on Fridays become less frequent. Tim had already made meeting with Jason -a regular civilian- hard enough with his lifestyle. Back then, Jason would always seek Tim, just taking him out of that busyness for a chill night out. Or just because he misses Tim, and wanted to see his face.

Jason doesn’t do that anymore.

They used to meet once a week, that turned into once in a while, and it’s been two months since Jason saw him last. They would still text regularly though, because even though it’s hard to meet Tim face to face, Jason never wanted to cut Tim off, never. So texting and calling it is, and it’s so much easier than seeing the person physically.

Jason loves when Tim sends him pet pictures. Tim would send a picture Titus the great dane snuggling with Alfred the cat, and it was the cutest sight he’s ever seen.

Sometimes he would check on Tim, asking if things are well. They would call and chat about petty things at work or things they’re mildly annoyed with. Or sometimes just banter about politics. None of them know how they got into that, but they did.

Jason would ramble about novels and Tim about a newfound manga. Talking and chatting like that is easier than meeting Tim, but it gets less and less easy for Jason.

Sometimes their call will be interrupted by someone. Sometimes Tim sends a couple of pictures with Superboy. Sometimes Tim didn’t reply for a month because of a mission, and Jason can’t do anything but to pray to the void and the universe that he’s alive at least.

He hated those days without hearing from Tim. There are times that his hands will start to shake whenever he was reminded that he hadn’t heard about Tim. His mind just whirls into the worst possibility ever and it’s swirling down too fast for Jason to stop.

It gets dangerous when he would drop heavy things in the middle of work. A car engine, a box of tools, his phone, and as a bonus, sometimes they land on his feet. Or when he sees bad news from a villain on TV, the world would spin a little and it’s harder to breathe.

He wanted to check up. He just wanted to walk to Wayne manor and demanded to know where he is.

To calm himself, he reminds himself that Tim has superheroes friends on his side. A Kryptonian as a soulmate too. Tim will be fine.

But sometimes those train of thoughts backfires.

They really have grown up after all. Jason promised himself that he’ll never let Tim grows away from him, but knowing the path he takes, and the soul mark on his body, some things are inevitable. Even so, Tim will be fine. With or without him.

As ridiculous as it sounds, Jason is anxious because there’s nothing to be anxious about.

“Jason!”

The ground is so close to his face. When did he get down on his knees? No, not on his knees anymore, he’s sitting on the side of his hips. He sees his open hands on the grease-stained ground, and they started to double into four.

“Breathe, Jason. Come on, follow my lead.” It’s Mrs. Knope’s voice. Feeling her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and following her commands to inhale and exhale.

Jason is getting his composure back, enough to look back to the TV hanged on the wall.

A swarm of robots attack in central Gotham. Red Robin is the first to respond. Tim’s bleeding, thrown to the ground, but he keeps getting back up. Jason wanted to run there, to help, to do something.

His friends came in. Superboy carries Red Robin away.

And Jason sighs at ease.

Tim is safe.

Tim will be fine.

++++++++

[Two Months ago]

Tim

Saw you on tv todya

Today

I rly thought you gonn die if not for your bf saving your dumbass so many times

Get back to me after you’re conscious you mad lad

[One Month ago]

I hope you’re on a mission rn and not purposely ignoring me

Or are you still recovering? you better be having some fingers cracked for not replying to me

Jk tho heal faster bitch I need some Alfred’s fluff belly pics

[Three weeks ago]

Tim what’s going on?

[Two Weeks ago]

Hey, dude, I’m just checking in

Saw you in crime alley

You’re dressed as a girl but you ain’t fooling me

[Two weeks ago]

Nvm it’s not you

Where are you tho?

[Yesterday]

Tell me you’re okay at least

Just something

Anything

Tim

++++++++

It struck like a bad feeling. Like a ghost going through your body, sending chills down your spine that can only mean nothing but bad. He’s started shaking like a scared rabbit. The ground under his feet feels like moving like a boat through a storm, he lost strength in his grip and his legs.

He lands himself on the side of the car he was working on, leaning there until he gets his ground again. From far away he can see Mrs. Knope coming over to him.

“Jason, it’s okay,” she turned the TV off, knowing it’s one of Jason’s trigger.

It’s not. Not this time, and the reason is something Jason couldn’t explain. He holds on to her, and regain his breath like the practice she taught him.

“Mrs... Mrs. Knope,” Jason said after finally catching his breath, “I have to go, right now, I’ll work on weekends in return.” Then Jason takes off without looking back.

“What- oh you better!” she scolded before she’s out of Jason’s hearing range.

Running aimlessly, Jason found himself in the depth of Crime alley, trying to look for Tim there and it is as crazy as that sounds, but his mind is awry from rational thoughts to think any differently. So, there he goes running like he’s a scared tourist. Then, after regaining some of his sanity, he calls and texts Tim even though his chat from two months ago hasn’t been read yet. Unsurprisingly, Tim didn’t pick up.

Bearing no fruit from running around, the only reasonable place he can look for Tim is the Wayne manor.

He has absolutely zero fucks at the moment that it’ll make Batman know that Jason knew about their identities. That’s a problem he’ll deal with after he calms his sudden anxiousness. It sounds like a petty reason but currently, Jason feels like dying.

There’s no public transport to the rich residential area, but there’s a stop near there so he takes it. Annoying the people on the bus with the tapping of his foot. He calms himself, thinking about good things, positive things. That maybe he’s just imagining things, that Tim is fine and maybe on a prolonged mission, and he’s making a fool of himself.

That must be it. He just needs to know that Tim is fine, even though going to his home is stalker-ish, it’s just something Jason needs to do. His embarrassment will have to wait.

Jason runs there as soon as the bus’ door open, powered with adrenaline and anxiousness. Soon, Wayne Manor came into view, and he spams the bell by the gate until someone finally speaks from the speaker in a British accent.

“Wayne Manor, state your business.”

“I need to see Tim,” Jason demanded.

“I’m sorry sir, but Master Timothy is still at work.” Oh, that’s good, now he just needs to go there.

“Where? Tell me the adress.”

“And what is your business with Master Timothy?”

“I just need to see him, he’s not returning my calls and texts the past two months. So, just tell me where he is!” Jason is getting impatient.

“Pardon me, but I don’t like your threatening tone, please contact Master Timothy himself if you’d like to meet.”

“No! Mr. Pennyworth I’m sorry just listen to me,” Jason called his name, and the static noise means the butler hasn’t disconnected yet.

Jason felt like his breathing is getting hard, but, oh god, not now...

“I need to see him,” Jason’s breath is getting shallower, he doesn’t want to do this, but Pennyworth is stalling, deflecting, now Jason knows something is wrong. “I know you know who I am, and I know...” Jason gulps, “I know.”

There’s a pause from the other end, and the gates open.

“Please come in Mr. Todd.” The speakers say before it’s off.

Jason runs through the pathway to the grand 4-meter tall door. A butler opens it before Jason has a chance to knock. Face stoic and head high. A balding drey hair, matching thick mustache, judging eyes and dressed in a pristine black suit and white shirt. The old butler moves away from the door and gestured Jason to come in.

The room inside is warm and cozy, but so big that it feels uneasy for Jason that used to tight spaces. Carpeted floor, a high ceiling with a chandelier in the middle of it and a massive family portrait at the end of the wall. Tim is in it, along with Bruce Wayne, the first adopted son Richard Grayson, the second adopted daughter Stephanie Brown, and the blood son Damian Wayne.

“Master Tim had gone off-grid for an hour,” Pennyworth informed, “The others are trying to find him at this moment, we could wait together if you’d like, to calm yourself from having an attack.” The butler eyes him knowingly, eyes fond and understanding.

Jason grits his teeth, impatient, “No, where is the last point he’s offline.”

“If you have any intentions to find him, I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“You have to,” Jason stares down at the butler with fist clenched, “Depends on the area, he may not make it.”

“I assumed you knew about Master Timothy’s capabilities, I guess I assume wrong.” The butler shows his deprecating face towards Jason, and he’s not having that.

“Oh I know Tim can kick-ass, but I know these people even more, and their reputation underground. You don’t know how deep those villains connection runs. The people down there will do anything, only for a few bucks, or just something to eat. And you bet they would kill and conspire, and they won't care who they kill.”

Then, the butler’s expression is finally something else than calm stoic, but he stays silent.

“You don’t need to tell me anything else, just what his alias is, and the last time he’s visible. Please,” Jason begged, and it’s hard to control the croak threatening at the back of his throat.

“He’s last seen on Fulton street,” that’s near Crime alley, “his alias is Cal Corcoran.”

Jason sighs a relieved breath, “Thank you, and one more thing, don’t tell them that I’m looking for Tim.”

“Why is that.”

“Because he won't like my way, and I don’t want him to hold me back.”

Pennyworth’s face twisted in regret, but before the butler can say anything. Jason holds his arm in a firm grasp, eyes sharp the other’s pair of old wise eyes.

“I know you don’t trust me, but you have to believe in me. I’ll find him.” He’s filled with unshakable tenacity, newfound courage and an absolute determination to do anything. “Even with my life on the line.”

Pennyworth doesn’t move even a muscle on his face, then he holds the hand on his arm.

“Please bring him home,” the butler finally says.

Jason nods gratefully and runs towards the city. He knows exactly who to see first.

++++++

Jason had never been back here for years. When he left, he never looks back. How many years has it been? Yet everything is still the same. Still so easy to pick the door open. The room still smells foul, and the furniture is just as old and scarce.

An old man sprawled the couch, a beer on his hand and the tactical gear on his body means that he just returned from ‘work. He looks even older as if that’s even possible compared the state Jason last seen him.

“What are you doing here,” his dad slurred in his speech, not even bothered to stand up.

“You are going to tell me the list of your friends and where I can meet them.”

“And why do you think I would tell you?” He smirks, and he laughs, like a drunk. Then he throws the bottle of beer, aiming for Jason’s head, which he gives credit to his dad it was pretty close.

But he avoids it with ease, and the bottle breaks on the wall behind him.

“Get out! Get the fuck outta--” His dad finally shuts up, thanks to Jason’s knife against his throat.

His dad twists his face in outrage, “You don’t have the balls to--” Jason takes the knife away, leaving a red mark on the neck, and sink that knife on his dad’s right hand and through his thigh when Jason sees it grabbing into something in his pocket. The man only screamed for a millisecond before Jason shoved a bundle of cloth on his old man’s screaming mouth.

There are tears rolling down his sunken eyes. Jason never saw him cry before, not even when his mom died.

Jason left the knife there, and pulls another one and place it on a red line on his neck. His dad twitch away, he tried to, but Jason’s knife presses his neck hard against the couch. There’s no compassion left in him for his dad, not ever fear or guilt when looking at the man’s terrified and pained face.

“I will and can kill you if you’re not useful. I can get the names from anyone else, but I figure... You’d like a chance to do your son at least one favor, wouldn’t you?” Jason doesn’t frown, doesn’t show any expression. He doesn’t want to grace his dad with any expression. The knife sinks into the think fled on his neck, and Jason mercilessly drags it towards his Adam's apple like cutting a cake, leaving a trail of red that leaks blood.

“Wouldn’t you?” Jason says more firmly, pressing the knife even deeper.

His dad is shaking, eye blown wide in terror, and finally nods.

“Good, and along with the names, I’m going to need your guns and stash of drugs.”

[homosexualearthworm]

Never thought I’d end up writing a chaptered fic for tyrus, but here we are! Next update is on Monday and then every Monday after that.

Summary:  TJ's eighth grade year is completely turned on it's head after he breaks his leg and is no longer able to play basketball. Luckily Cyrus is more than willing to keep him company.

Ao3 Link

Dwell In Possibility

Chapter One

It was Tuesday, which meant Cyrus was sitting on a bench in the park as he watched TJ and Buffy’s weekly one on one game. What had started as a scheme to get TJ and Buffy on good terms ended up becoming a weekly tradition for the trio. This was mostly due to the fact that TJ and Buffy were both equally competitive and equally matched. Their win rate was nearly 50/50.

Today TJ was in the lead. At least, as far as Cyrus could tell. He was there to keep score but honestly he had no clue what was going on half the time. He just loved cheering on two of his best friends.

“Bam!” Cyrus heard Buffy exclaim as the ball swished through the net. “That’s another point for me, Cyrus!” She gave TJ a gloating smile as she jogged past him to get the ball.

“Oh, so I guess that only makes you 4 points behind me now.” TJ swiped the ball from Buffy’s hands and made another shot. “Actually, looks like you’re back up to 5. You got that Underdog?” He nodded over to Cyrus.

Cyrus smiled and gave TJ a thumbs up. He knew they knew he wasn’t actually keeping score but he appreciated that they included him in the banter. He sighed contentedly as he watched them play, thinking about how nice it is to have two people he cared so much about get along. It was so important to him that Buffy liked TJ.

“Hey! Cy-guy!” The familiar voice broke Cyrus out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Jonah, accompanied by a large golden retriever on a leash, jogging towards him.

“Jonah! Hi!” Cyrus’s grin practically took up his entire face as he beamed at the dog. “I didn’t know you had a dog! What’s his name?”

Cyrus got off the bench and crouched down on the ground to get eye level with the dog, letting it lick his face as he stroked it’s head and scratched it’s ears.

“Yeah, her name’s Stormy. We’ve had her forever.”

“I guess you’ve just never mentioned her.” At that moment Stormy jumped on Cyrus, knocking him down. He yelped as he fell but then laughed when Stormy stretched out across his lap.

“Stormy, no! Get off” Jonah tugged the leash slightly but Stormy didn’t budge.

“No, it’s fine Jonah, I don’t mind! I actually like it.” he chuckled slightly while rubbing his face in Stormy's soft fur, “I wish I had a dog. Three of my four parents are allergic though.” He scratched Stormy under her collar. “And she’s just so beautiful! Yes you are! You are such a pretty puppy! Oh who’s a good girl?”

TJ and Buffy were so into their game they hadn’t noticed Jonah or the dog. But Cyrus’s baby voice caught TJ’s attention. As he was dribbling the ball away from Buffy, he looked over to Cyrus to see what caused him to talk like that and the sight was almost too much. Cyrus’s face radiated pure joy as Jonah’s dog wagged her tail in response to Cyrus’s pets. TJ had never seen a more adorable sight in his life.

He was so distracted by Cyrus that he didn’t notice the large crack in the asphalt he was headed towards. As he melted over the sight of Cyrus, his foot got caught in the crack, lurching his body forward. He hit the ground hard. He fell at a weird angle and all his weight landed on his right leg. His stomach dropped and panic coursed through his veins as he heard the unmistakable snap of a bone breaking. He had never broken a bone before but there was nothing else that sound could have been. It made his skin crawl. Immediately he was hit with a wave of the most excruciating pain he had ever felt in his life.

“Aaarrrrrggaggagghhhhh” he gritted his teeth trying in vain not to scream. His hands clenched around his thigh, trying desperately to will the pain to stop but there was no letting up. “Aaarrgghh FUCK! Shit.” he hissed through his teeth.

Stormy whined as Cyrus threw her off his lap and ran onto the court.

“TJ! Oh my god. What happened? Are you okay?” Cyrus bent down next to TJ, frantically waving his hands around, trying to figure out how he could help.

“He doesn’t look okay.” Cyrus looked up to see Buffy and Jonah also hovering around TJ, their faces looking almost as panicked as Cyrus felt. “TJ you’re sweating. You look like you’re going to be sick.” Buffy continued.

TJ did feel nauseated from the pain. God please no, he thought, if I barf it’s going to land on Cyrus. He swallowed hard, trying to maintain as much dignity as he could in his current position.

TJ inhaled sharply. “I think my leg’s broken.” he said through gritted teeth.

“Can you move it at all?” Cyrus asked

“No.” Even just the thought of moving it filled TJ with dread.

“Okay that’s it, I’m calling 911.”

Cyrus ran back to his backpack at the bench to grab his phone. TJ considered for a second protesting, but he knew that he probably needed an ambulance. He was not about to move from where he sat on his own, and although he trusted his friends he definitely didn’t want them to try to move him either.

Cyrus ran back a minute later, still clutching his phone and typing something. “Okay TJ, an ambulance is on it’s way. And I’m texting your mom to let her know what’s happening so she can meet us at the hospital.”

“No, Cy- sh-she’s at work. She can’t miss a- a shift.” He said, panting through the pain. He felt tears leak from the corner of his eyes as he groaned in pain again.

“TJ! Look at you! Work can wait! Your mom would kill me if some EMT called her after the fact instead of me right now.”

TJ didn’t try to argue again. He knew Cyrus was mostly right anyway. His mom would want to know immediately. And she would drop anything for TJ. But work couldn’t wait. He knew his mom was on thin ice at work and missing a shift could be detrimental to their family.  

He couldn’t think about that right now though. He just kept trying to reign in his pain and keep his groaning and whimpering to a minimum. Embarrassment washed over him as he sat on the asphalt with his three friends all staring at him, concern and pity lacing their faces, while they waited for an ambulance.

Buffy leaned against the wall in the hospital waiting room, talking on the phone with Jonah. She promised to call him with updates since he had to take his dog home and wasn’t able to accompany them to the hospital.

“Yeah, he’s in surgery now. … Well, because they needed to screw the bone back together so it heals properly.” She paused a minute more as Jonah spoke on the other end and as she did she looked across the room at Cyrus.

Cyrus sat anxiously in one of the waiting room chairs, staring absentmindedly at the wall across from him and chewing on his thumbnail.

“He hasn’t said much since we got here. He’s just spacing out. I’ve never seen him this anxious and we’re talking about Cyrus, here. So that’s saying a LOT.”

Buffy nodded into the phone at Jonah’s response. “Yeah they are close, but this is taking it to a whole other level. Cyrus is acting like TJ could die or something, like reckless teenage boys don’t break bones all the time.” She looked back over at Cyrus, his eyes still trained on the same spot on the wall. She sighed. “Honestly I’m more worried about him than I am about TJ… Okay, well, I’ll text you when he’s out of surgery… Okay… yeah, bye.”

Buffy plopped down next to Cyrus after hanging up.

“Hey, you okay?” She bumped his shoulder with her own.

“Hm?” he glanced over at Buffy for a second before turning back to face the wall, still chewing on his thumb nail. “uh, i dunno.”

Buffy grimaced. “You really shouldn’t do that.” She reached up and grabbed his hand, gently yanking the nail out of his mouth and then squeezing his hand lightly between her own. “He’s okay, you know. It’s just a broken bone. People break bones all the time.”

“It’s surgery, Buffy!” his head snapped back up towards hers, eyes wide and brows furrowed. “He’s back there somewhere being cut open and prodded and they’re putting screws in his body and what if it was worse? What if he landed on his head instead of his leg? What if-”

He was cut off by the sound of shoes clicking down the hallway towards them. They both stood up as TJ’s mom approached them.

“Well kids, he’s out of surgery now and resting. The good news is the surgery went well. It was a clean break and they were able to reset it nicely. They’re hopeful it won’t cause any long term problems.”

Cyrus let out the breath he was holding. “Thank god.”

Buffy squeezed his hand she was still holding. “That’s great news, Mrs. Kippen! See Cyrus, I told you a broken bone is not big deal.”

The soft smile Mrs. Kippen gave them fell slightly. “And… the bad news is that this is one of the worst bones TJ could have broken. Femurs take a long time to heal. The average recovery time is six months.”

Cyrus’s mouth hung open. “He won’t be able to walk for six months?”

“What about basketball?” Buffy interjected.

“Unfortunately, there’s no way he’ll be able to play this season. Maybe not next season either. He’s going to need a lot of physical therapy to regain use of his leg. And he’s definitely going to need his friends by his side. I know TJ likes to act tough but this is going to be a really hard time for him.”

Cyrus nodded emphatically. “Of course. We’re going to be there for him.”

Mrs Kippen smiled. “Thank you. But for now, he just needs to rest. No use in you kids staying here any later than you need to on a school night.”

Buffy nodded and turned to Cyrus. “Ready to go?”

Cyrus seemed to hesitate for a minute. He really did not want to leave even if he couldn’t see TJ yet. “Er… yeah, I guess. I’ll be back tomorrow. Can you text me his room number?”

Mrs Kippen nodded. “Of course. Now, let me drive you home.”

It was a little after 11pm when Cyrus got home. He let his parents know that TJ was okay but dodged all their other questions, telling them he was really tired and they would talk tomorrow. In actuality, he just didn't know how to answer their other questions. His head was swimming and he couldn’t seem to parse together a clear thought.

He got in bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to will his body to relax, to go to sleep. He looked over at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 12:36am. Five and a half hours before he had to get up tomorrow. He sighed, knowing that he was never going to fall asleep at this rate.

He got out of bed and sat down at his desk, turning on his laptop. Working on the book report he had due next week always seemed to make him want to go to sleep so he figured he’d try that for a while. Instead he just found himself staring blankly at his computer screen as opposed to the ceiling.

He shut his laptop in frustration, rubbing his hands over his face and groaning. This is hopeless , he thought, I’m just not going to sleep tonight and that’s that .

When he looked up from his hands, he noticed a black notebook laying on the corner of his desk. His stepdad had given it to Cyrus when he started sixth grade. The transition from grade school to middle school was particularly challenging for Cyrus. He got bullied pretty frequently that year. He never told his parents about it but they noticed a spike in his anxiety nonetheless.

Cyrus’s stepdad pulled him aside one day and handed him that notebook. “Look, son. I know something is going on. I understand if you’re uncomfortable talking to me about it, but I want to make sure you’re processing your feelings somehow.” he said to him. “I’m not going to force you to talk to me or one of your other parents when you’re upset, but if you don’t want to talk about it, I want you to write about it. Just whatever is in your head. Stream of consciousness. It will help, I promise. Can you do that for me?”

Cyrus flipped through the blank pages of the journal and nodded at his stepdad. “Yeah, I’ll try.”

His stepdad ruffled Cyrus’s hair. “Good, kid.”

Now, two years later at 1am in his bedroom, Cyrus flipped through that journal. He did use it when he was upset that year and it helped him a lot. It made him feel less alone and more in control of his thoughts.

It had been about a year since he’d written though. He stopped using the journal when the bullying eventually died down. But now he felt the urge to use it again. He flipped to the first blank page and rested the tip of the pen on the top left corner. He didn’t know where to start or what he even wanted to say.

Just whatever’s in your head. Stream of consciousness. He heard his step dad's voice play in his head.

Cyrus took a deep breath and began to write.

He’s hurting. He’s somewhere in that huge hospital alone in a strange bed with his leg cut open and stitched back together. there’s screws in his bone and i didn’t even get to see him after he got out of surgery. I wish i could have seen him. I’m trying to imagine if he would smile at seeing me there or grimace in pain or maybe embarrassment because i’m too concerned and i think it’s hard for him to accept that people care about him. But i do care about him. so much. Too much. I just need to know that he’s okay. I mean. I know he’s okay as in he’s going to live and be fine but how is he feeling? Like emotionally? Does he even know how he feels emotionally? What if he needs to talk to me to figure out what he’s feeling, to work through what’s going on in his head? No. stop it Cyrus. Stop trying to fix everyone’s problems and make everything about you. It’s not like TJ needs me or anything. He’s smart and independent and confident. He can handle anything. But. I want him to need me. Is that bad? I think I need him too, though. Is that bad too? Does that make me codependent? No, it’s not codependent if it’s one sided. Then it’s just dependent. Just pathetic. I’m pathetic. God. I act like i have some silly schoolgirl crush on him. I don’t though. He’s just one of my best friends. I would never admit this to andi or buffy but he’s become one of the most important people in my life, right up there with the two of them. God, i just want to see him right now. I want to know he’s okay, I want to stroke his hair, I want to grab his smug face and just kiss him.

Oh.

I don’t know why I wrote that. It’s not true.

I mean, it’s a little true.

Damn it. I do like him.

[selfignitingimagines]

Derek- Recognize (Part 2)

A/N- I finally did a part 2 to something without it taking several months!

You were sitting on the reception counter of the vet clinic, talking softly with Lydia, when the screech of Stiles’ breaks told you that the boys had arrived.

You jumped down and met them at the door. “Did you find him?”

“No, but the cops did,” Stiles told you. “He’s at the station...and I’m guessing we have about fifteen minutes before they take his prints and run them through the system.”

“Why is that a problem?” you asked. “Derek’s never been arrested.”

“Not at this age, no,” Stiles said. “But just FYI, he’s going to a come up as a 26 year-old former fugitive of the state.”

You let out a choking sound. “A fugitive? For what?”

“It was mostly Scott’s fault. Kinda threw him under the bus when we were in a tough spot.”

You shot a sharp look at Scott, who was staring at Stiles with his mouth open. “We-we thought he was dead.”

“Dead?” you demanded. “Why would he be dead?”

“It’s not really important,” Stiles told you. “Are you ready to go?”

You looked from him to Scott, and then over to Lydia. She just gave you an indifferent shrug, and you sighed. “You’re coming right?”

She shook her head. “I’m going to pick up Kira and see if we can figure out why Kate might have done this to you.”

You must have looked anxious, because she placed a hand on your arm. “It’ll be okay. I’ll meet up with you later. Besides, you’re a total badass. You just don’t know it yet.”

You smiled at her, and let the boys lead you out to Stiles’ rusty jeep. You hopped in the back seat, looking back at her through the door. She gave you a small wave, and for a few seconds you felt like everything would be okay. Then Scott spoke up.

“So, Y/n,” he began as Stiles started the engine. “We know you know some things that Derek doesn’t. Do you think you can hold off on telling him until we figure out what to do?”

You bristled. ���You want me to lie to him about our families being dead?”

“Okay, it sounds awful when you say it like that-”

“He’s my best friend,” you informed them. “I can’t just lie to him, especially about something like that.”

“Look, Y/n, this is complicated,” Stiles cut in. “If we tell him, he might freak out, and that doesn’t help either of you get back to normal. If we’re being honest, we only told you because we had to.”

You glared at him. “Oh, so you were going to lie to me?”

“Uh, yeah, for your own good!”

You rolled your eyes and mumbled “I hope the older version of me kicks your ass.”

Stiles’ brows furrowed. “Actually, you’re usually the one stopping me from getting my ass kicked.”

You frowned. “Huh.”

“Anyway,” Scott continued. “We’re not asking you to lie. Just to back us up until we figure something out. Then you can tell him everything. If we get you guys back in time, you won’t even have to worry about it.”

You sighed, and leaned back in the seat. “Fine.”

You were silent the entire drive to the police station, thinking about what you could possibly say to Derek. You knew he was going to ask what had happened. What you could you possibly tell him that made sense?

You were certain he would be full of questions, but when you walked through the front door, it was an entirely different story.

Derek was sitting in a chair, hunched down as an older man with a badge stared down at him quizzically. Stiles leaned against the doorframe and waved frantically, trying to get the man’s attention.

“Dad!” he hissed.

The man looked back at two other officers, who were nearby. “I’ll handle this.”

When Derek looked up and met your eyes, a stricken look crossed his face. He quickly looked down, avoiding your gaze.

You walked over, and that was when he looked up. You could tell he was afraid. “Derek…”

He wouldn’t look up, and that when you sighed, and bent down to wrap your arms around him. He blinked in shock, but wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Y/n,” he asked, his voice muffled by your shirt. “What’s going on?”

“Something happened,” you started. “There was a fire...and our families…”

Stiles coughed loudly behind you. He, Scott, and the Sheriff were all staring at you. “These guys can explain it better. Just hear them out, okay?”

Derek nodded, and followed you into the Sheriff’s office. Once you were sitting on the couch, Derek’s questions began.

“What happened to my house?” he demanded. “Where’s my family? Where’s my mom?”

“There was a fire,” Scott began slowly, but when he looked at Derek’s terrified eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him. “Everyone’s okay, they just had to leave town.”

Stiles shot him a look, but you didn’t dare look at Scott. Derek looked up at you. “What about your family? Did they-”

You shook your head weakly. “They didn’t make it out.”

You felt horrible about lying to him, and that was part of the reason tears were spilling from your eyes. The other part was that you knew your family was gone, and Derek was all you had left.

He pulled you into his arms, tucking your head under his chin. “It’s okay. We’ll find my family. You can stay with us.”

This only made you cry harder, and Derek looked up at Scott and Stiles while your head was still buried in his shirt. “Okay, who are you? And who is he?”

“Who are you? We’re the guys keeping you out of jail,” Stiles answered.

“Let us help you,” Scott pleaded.

Derek’s eyes narrowed. “No.”

“Okay, dude, you almost tore apart two cops back there,” Stiles reminded him. “You need to listen to us, and that starts with no claws, no fangs, and no wolfman. Got it?”

“I’m fine as long as it’s not a full moon.”

“You still have trouble with the full moon?” Scott asked, surprised.

“I said I’m fine,” he said gruffly.

Scott leaned in, and let his eyes flash red. Derek stiffened. “You’re an alpha.”

Scott nodded. “I’m going to try to find out what I can. Once we figure out how to get your memories back, we can take you to your family. You guys can stay at my house for now. Stiles can take you there.”

“See, you can trust us,” Stiles told him.

Derek frowned, nodding toward Scott. “Him I trust.”

Stiles rolled his eyes and huffed, looking over at Scott “Why does this always happen to me?”

-----

“We’re going to wait here for Scott,” Stiles announced as he led you into the Alpha’s house. “We’re going to sit quietly, and we’re not going to call or talk to anyone.”

“Can I talk to you?” Derek asked.

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Who’s going to talk to him?”

“What are you guys doing here?” A voice from the kitchen caused you to jump, and you instinctively moved closer to Derek. Stiles was surprised too, which was obvious by how high he jumped.

“Are you getting taller?” he demanded of the man waiting in the doorway, who was, in his defense, quite tall. “We’re waiting for Scott.”

“So am I. We were supposed to have dinner.”

“Uh, he should be on his way,” Stiles lied. “We’re just gonna go upstairs and wait.”

You surveyed the man, who was wearing a badge that said ‘Agent McCall’. You realized he must be Scott’s dad.

“Who are these guys?” he asked politely.

Derek opened his mouth to speak, but Stiles was too quick for him. “My cousin...Miguel...from Me-hico. And uh...his girlfriend, Y/n.”

“Oh. Well, are you hungry? I’ve got extra.”

“Starving,” Derek answered, at the same time Stiles said “No.”

They glared at each other.

“No, I’m starv-” Derek began.

“No, we’re not hungry at all, thanks.” Stiles cut him off.

Agent McCall eyed them both. “Well, Stiles, if you’re not hungry, you’re friends can still have some. Egg roll?”

Derek grinned. “Hell yeah,” he answered, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the table.

Dinner went fine until Scott’s dad staring asking questions. “So, Miguel what did you say your last name was? You look familiar.”

“Juarez,” Stiles answered quickly. “Cinqua...Tiago.”

“That’s a mouthful,” Scott’s dad remarked. “Y/n, you’re pretty quiet, is everything okay?”

You opened your mouth, but Stiles chimed in. “She’s a mute. Doesn’t really talk much.”

You suppressed a smile and nodded in agreement, while silently stomping on Stiles’ foot under the table. Mr. McCall nodded and raised his hands, asking you how you liked Beacon Hills in sign language.

Stiles’ jaw dropped, but you confidently answered him back. Thank god you had taken some ASL in school. He slumped back in his chair relieved, but then McCall spoke up again, asking Derek something in Spanish. Stiles’ eyes went wide, and you wondered if he was about to go into cardiac arrest, because that was how he looked.

You grinned to yourself, thinking that of course he didn’t know Derek spoke Spanish. When he spoke up, replying to Scott’s dad, Stiles finally regained composure.

“You guys are an interesting pair,” he remarked, and Stiles grinned with pride.

“Yeah, they are.”

Derek smirked and reached for another eggroll, but when he did, he noticed the FBI badge on the table. “Mr. McCall, you’re in the FBI right?”

“He’s low level,” Stiles chimed in. “Very low level. Doesn’t even has a voice.”

The man nodded, and Derek continued. “Do you ever investigate murders?”

“Sometimes. When it’s a federal crime.”

“What about fires?”

You felt your breath catch in your throat. Derek reached out and squeezed your hand, trying to comfort you. He had no idea.

“Oh my god, I wonder where Scott is!” Stiles cried. “Shouldn’t Scott be here by now? We should call Scott!”

“What kind of fires are you talking about?” McCall asked Derek.

“Do you know anything about the Hale family?” Derek asked.

Things only got worse from there.

-----

“Why the hell would you lie to me?” Derek demanded, slamming Stiles’ head into the wall of Scott’s bedroom.

“Derek, stop,” you begged, grabbing his arm.

“You lied to me too!” he snapped.

“We didn’t lie!” Stiles cried. “We omitted certain truths. Vital truths now that I think about it…”

Derek growled and shoved him away. Stiles stumbled, and you reached out to catch him. He looked over at you in surprise, but you didn’t meet his eyes.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Derek snapped at him. “I want to talk to the Alpha. I’ll talk to Scott.”

“Okay,” Stiles said breathlessly, backing toward the door. “I’ll go get him. My phone’s downstairs. I’m gonna call him real quick, so don’t move, okay? Don’t move.”

He backed out of the door and Derek turned to you. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how,” you admitted, your voice cracking. “I lost my family too. I didn’t want you to go through something you didn’t have to.”

“So what, you were just going to keep it from me for the rest of my life?”

“No, I-I hadn’t thought...they didn’t want me to tell you yet.”

“So you’d rather listen to them than be honest with me?”

“Derek that’s not fair. You’re the one who didn’t tell me you were a freakin werewolf!”

“Fair?” he asked. “None of this is fair. Our families are dead, Y/n!”

You flinched, and backed away from him. Immediately, he realized what he said, and reached out for you. “Y/n, I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re right. None of this is fair. And I lied, and I’m the one who should be sorry.”

You turned away, heading into Scott’s bathroom and shutting the door. You didn’t want Derek seeing you cry, but he could hear you all the same. He sat with his back against the closed door, wanting to say something, but not knowing how to make things better. You were all he had, and he shouldn’t have blown up on you like that.

He stood up, ready to knock and beg for you to come out, but a voice from behind him caused him to turn. “Hey, Handsome.”

Kate was walking through the doorway, sleek and beautiful as always. “It’s been a long time. Longer than you think.”

“Derek?” Your wobbly voice came from behind the wooden door. “Who’s there?”

Kate sighed, reached for the chair from Scott’s desk, and stuck it up under the door.

“Kate, what are you doing?” Derek demanded.

“Oh come on, Derek, she’ll only get in the way of our fun. You know she has a crush on you.”

“Kate-”

“She’s always following you around like a lovesick puppy. Doesn’t that get annoying?”

“Derek!” you cried, although it was muffled by the door. “Open the door!”

You grabbed the knob and turned it, but the door wouldn’t budge. You banged on it, pleading for Derek to listen to you.

“Come on, Handsome,” Kate crooned, running her fingers through his hair. “Forget, Y/n. Let’s go have some fun.”

“Derek! Don’t trust her! Derek you have to listen to me!”

But as Kate led Derek out the window of Scott’s room, he didn’t want to listen. How could you talk about trust when you had just lied about something incredibly important? If there was anyone he could trust, it definitely wasn’t you.

-----

Amidst your frantic banging, you didn’t even hear Stiles come into the room. When he pulled away the chair, you were still shoving against the door, causing it to fly open and nearly hit him in the face.

“Y/n? What happened? Where’s Derek?”

“Kate took him!” you snapped. “Well, he went with her. He doesn’t know she started the fire. Damn it, Stiles we should have just been honest with him!”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” he assured you, raising the phone in his hand to his ear. “Scott, you were right. Derek’s gone.”

“Don’t worry,” he promised you. “We’ll find him. Let’s go find Lydia.”

-----

“You’re sure he’s here?” you demanded of Stiles and Lydia.

The three of you were standing under an overhang in the high school parking lot, trying to find Derek. The sun had now set, and the spring wind was blowing leaves around in the dark.

“If Kate’s looking for control, Peter said she would find it here,” Lydia reminded you. “It’s the most likely place Derek would take her.”

“She just wants his help? She’s not trying to hurt him?”

“She’s always had a soft spot for him,” Stiles told you. “Even when you guys are older. She’s pretty creepy.”

“She killed my family,” you spat. “And she killed Derek’s too. I’m going to kill her.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Stiles warned, gripping the bat in his hand. “As much as I’d love to let you do that, you’re not exactly a werewolf anymore.”

You froze. “What do you mean ‘anymore’?”.

Stiles’ mouth fell open, and Lydia shot him a glare.

“You mean when I’m older, I’m like Derek? I have claws and fangs and I go crazy every full moon?” you demanded.

Stiles sputtered, but Lydia was quick to step in. “No. You’re only right about the first two. Peter bit you a year ago, Y/n. Derek taught you control, and from what he told us, you got it almost immediately. And you don’t know this, but in a few years you’re going to be my best friend. You teach me how to be strong, how to be fearless.”

You swallowed. “I’m not either of those things. Lydia, I’m terrified.”

“You’re stronger than you think,” she assured you. “Trust me, I have an insider perspective.”

Suddenly, a roar cut through the air, and you turned toward the sound. “It’s Derek. That was him. He needs help.”

“How do you know?” Stiles asked.

“I just do!”

“Go,” Stiles told you.

You looked over at Lydia, whose green eyes were shining. “You can do this. Go get him.”

You nodded, and took off down the sidewalk, heading toward the sound of Derek fighting. Lydia and Stiles watched you go, wondering if you would remember how to shift.

“You never told her she and Derek are together, did you?” Stiles asked her.

She shook her head. “I hinted, but she never asked. She just kind of brushed it off like she didn’t think it could happen.”

Stiles scoffed as they headed toward the Hale family vault. “The only person more oblivious than Y/n is Derek.”

-----

When you ran up the steps toward the high school, you caught glimpses of the fight from around the corner. From what you could see, the things you had seen in the temple, whatever they were, were attacking. Scott, Malia and Kira were all on the ground, but Derek was taking on two of the creatures.

You felt your heart pound as you took them in once more. They were enormous, covered in bones that acted as armor, and with a large animal skull over what you could only guess was a face. They had large splinters of bone emerging from their hands, almost like claws, and Derek was dodging them left and right.

Could he really do this on his own? Despite your fear, you found yourself running toward him full force. Your nails began to grow longer, and you felt your teeth protruding from your mouth. Lydia and Stiles had been telling the truth. You were a werewolf like Derek.

Derek nearly froze in shock as you darted into the fight, slashing at one of the creatures with newly grown claws. You fought beside him, something that you had been doing for years, but neither of you remembered that. It felt natural, normal, and instead of feeling lost like you had for the last day and a half, you felt that this was right.

Throughout the fight, you felt yourself changing, remembering, and by the time Kate’s roar cut through the air, calling the creatures off, you recalled everything. When you looked over at Derek, he was back to being his broody self, complete with a beard and troubled eyes.

“Y/n,” he choked, standing there in shock.

“It’s okay,” you promised, as he brought you into his arms.

He was squeezing you so tight that it felt hard to breathe.

You knew what he was about to apologize for. When Kate had broken into his loft that night, he had felt helpless. He couldn’t do anything to stop her from hurting you, from dragging you down to Mexico along with him.

“I’m-”

“Don’t say it,” you cut him off. “It doesn’t matter.”

He ran a hand down your hair and pulled you closer, and planting a firm kiss on your forehead. He looked over his shoulder at Scott, who gave him a firm nod. He nodded back, and looked down at you, tucked under his arms.

You were right, he decided. He was right there was you, and you were safe. To him, nothing was more important, and like you had said, nothing else mattered.

[mariellewritesalot]

In Conclusion, 2018

Goodbyes have always seemed second nature to me, but as soon as they happen, there’s either nothing, or so much more left to say. It’s one of those things that should come easy for writers with much pain and experience to show for, but decides to be a creative roadblock with a deadline. The end always does feel like a new beginning, if you think about it; partially because goodbyes are often times so sudden that we barely have the chance to take a breath before speaking. It could also be the exact opposite: a slow burn that gives us time to prepare, but still manages to completely take us aback on how real it feels, so we end up letting out what begs to come forth, without knowing that some things are better left unsaid. I am a firm believer that people only mean what they say the moment they say it, and as I am writing this, I feel the weight of the entire year on my shoulder about to be eased by the promise of consolation: what lessons were learned, and how do I apply them? 

To tell you the truth, I’ve always had an inkling that 2018 was not going to be my year, but now I see that there were just a lot of battles that I won and lost, tragically. Most of the time chronically, so I truly felt whatever fortune life presented at that time. The first half of the year provided me with heartbreaks in the demise of a relationship, the death of a friend, and a rejection that threw my college future off-course for a while, before I was able to redeem myself: what’s meant to be, always will be. I graduated Senior High School with flying colors. I got into UPD through a talent test in writing. I watched LANY and Harry Styles live. I worked my first job at my cousin’s spa in Tomas Morato as their supervisor in the summer, met so many people I now can proudly call constants. I released a short story after a long writing drought. I learned a new thing or two, like how much I enjoy writing in Filipino that the course I never imagined taking gave me a mission to widen my writing span with a purpose. I joined the controversial 96th Philippine Collegian that raised eyebrows, but gave me a new family and so much insight on journalistic writing. I applied for UP Children’s Rights Advocates League (UP CRAdLe), my first org in UP, to give myself an avenue to help out. I gave my first talk on creative writing, alongside seasoned professionals, at PUP. I turned nineteen without much fuss, something my spirit animal Lily Aldrin-Ericksen (from HIMYM) will not approve of. I went out with my friends more, learned new ways to get around the city (and broke my curfew) at the same time. I decided it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, gave myself breathing space from my overachieving, perfectionist ideals and took care of my anxiousness rather than tolerating habits that contributed to its continuity. True to its promise, taking it day by day gave me the ride of a lifetime. I felt like I matured more this year than I ever have before, and I have that to be grateful for.

I also saw a silver lining when the next half of the year led me to the love of my life, only to fall short when I was doing so much for so little, and was given uncertainty and indecisiveness in return. It felt more than just saying goodbye to a person. There was too much on the line, so it started to feel like losing a part of myself especially because I found my best friend in the same person. But resiliency in two people can mean see you again or see you around, still, even in the attempt of friendship for the sake of the people affected. I never noticed how hard it was to fix things I can’t take the blame for; hence being forced to sit this one out because it’s out of my control. Forgiving myself proves to be a task I need to conquer in order to accept it. However, I can’t tell you how beautiful it is that even in hurt, just by looking back, I’m surprised of the love I’m capable of and the memories shared that no one else but the both of us know of. I will miss the people around us the most. What also adds salt to the wound is the fact that I’ll probably never have the chance to say my goodbyes or explain things from my perspective. I guess growing up means there has to be room for love to take shape in different ways, or for time and space to hone us into better people until we’re exactly where we need to be. If anything, I just have to let life run its course. Let the chips fall where they may (an ode to that iconic Gossip Girl Season 5 finale) until I get the winning hand. God has always had His own way of surprising me. If a love is meant to be, I’d know. I am my mother’s child, after all, born into a family that was favored by destiny and a lot of faith.

The lessons disguised as experiences I gathered this year were all pointing to the same virtue: patience. Let me tell you, for someone as anxious as I am, it’s hard to trust anything or anyone if I know I can take things into my own hands. I’ve always been the type to organize and plan whenever I could, I often feel restless because I choose to work for whatever I want and currently have. I guess that’s why even in different scenarios, a recurring theme I notice, in terms of learning, really, is to wait. In times when I don’t realize I am waiting, I wake up one day really happy because I got what I wanted, but I barely acknowledge all the times I had to sit still for it to happen. I truly want to forgive myself for ever trying too hard or not trying at all, for all the opportunities missed, and the embarrassing honest-to-god-knock-me-out moments I’d rather not relive. I apologize for any of it, because if you know me well enough, you’d know I thought about it over and over until I am certain of what to take the blame for and what to do next time I am faced with a similar situation. I will no longer punish myself for being too much, rather, I will redirect my energy to things and people that deserve it. It’s a long way to go, but what matters to me the most is that I’m trying to be better and acknowledging my wrongdoings along the way. I have the start somewhere, don’t I?

This year also gave me a rude awakening on commitment and priorities. I think I’ve made myself ready for anything, especially long-term, if I deem it worthy of my time and effort. I also see myself as someone with good time management (aka my “I’ll complain about it but you’ll never see me not do it” complex) so my priorities were never an issue, however, even if my IQ doesn’t suffer, my EQ does. I can’t blame anyone but myself for being such a hopeless romantic because no matter how much I deny it, I quite like being all lovey-dovey. However, after a series of failed attempts and investments despite being in my best behavior, I guess it truly is the time to let love take the backseat for a while. I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t break my own rules this time. After all, I can stand on my own, and ironically, it’s what men always seem to love about me until it backfires drastically in different ways. I either stray away from my usual, uptight self, or stay in the upper hand, until they get tired of it. I guess there is some truth in the belief that you fall out of love for the same reasons you fell in it. For 2019, the only person I am looking into falling in love with (again and again) is myself. I still have a lot to work and reflect on, and stubbornness to let go of. For whatever it’s worth, I got to admit that though there is the aura of loneliness that clings on solitude, nothing feels as good as going to bed without worrying about another person. In return, I’ll cling onto any good feeling that comes out of this as hard as I can.

There’s something about the end of another year and the beginning of a new one that rouses everyone from their stupor (momentarily) until we’re all out for blood, or the best version of ourselves. At the very least, it’s always for the benefit of ourselves and those around us, lest we forget what we came in for. I have a lot of things planned out for myself in 2019, a new set of goals to achieve and dreams to pursue. I’ve always made myself busy to fill voids. I can’t divulge any further, since I somehow still have the tendency of losing interest whenever I tell people what I am up to. Maybe it’s because I live for the thrill of it all, and the shock from everyone, including myself, when I manage to pull things off. There’s a certain charm to things when you least expect them.

The only thing I want to attest to right now is my promise to write more for leisure and give you more content to look forward to, both in Filipino and English. I can never be too sure of myself, since a new year can also mean a new set of problems, setbacks, failures, and heartbreaks I may never be prepared for; but at least I know that come what may, I will always be provided with the strength and courage to get through. If I had known then that growing up meant more than just the no-fail linear path that includes the college-job-marriage mindset, I would have wanted to stay young longer. Adults have often tried to warn me and others, though, so it’s fair game. I just wish I wasn’t so in the rush. I’ve always thought I was mature for my age, but at nineteen, I feel more confused by the minute. There’s so much more to learn and experience before I ever deem myself worthy of honor. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m almost out of my teenage years when I know I still have my childish moments. This is a process I’m willing to see through, no matter how unbearable it gets. As a writer, it’s imperative for me to experience life in the extremities of emotions, more than just the gray areas I’m well acquainted with. It’s what helps with the craft, well, I can’t write about what I don’t know. If I could wish for something in 2019, it might as well be to regain my footing from the setbacks of 2018. 

I’m ready if you are. Stay tuned.

*Let’s connect with each other through Spotify: mariellewashere.

[deactivated4179291]

The Cure - Part 11 (H.S AU) - “Apologies”

Trigger Warning: lots of mentions of blood

Slowly, a man with tan, tattooed skin stepped out of the shadows of one of the buildings clutching his bleeding side. He panted, with one hand in the air to block the sun as he appeared relieved to see another sign of human life. The slight smile on my face, however, faded when I got a look at Harry’s troublesome stare. His eyes searched the mans figure, landing on one particular tattoo on his shoulder blade, narrowing his eyes at it.

“Harry…we have to help him he’s hurt,” I said softly, trying to pull his gaze. The Civic behind us had also stopped in its path. Harry’s jaw clenched at he reached and slammed the car into drive.

“He’s not really hurt,” he shook his head, speeding towards the man who quickly smirked pulling out a gun. I couldn’t hold back my fear as Harry shouted “hold on!” before he pulled the car off towards the exit on the right re-entering the freeway. Before the truck could safely descend the sloping road, the car skidded across the pavement slamming into a brick building on my side, jolting me towards Harry. He looked panicked as he eyed me to make sure I was okay before proceeding onto the highway, as I gripped the dashboard in front of me. The Civic was long lost behind us as they took of down a street, the man chasing after them.

“You alright?” Harry asked, yet all I could hear was silence as the shallowly severed flesh just above my brow began to drip blood. When I finally stopped staring back to the empty road where the other car had disappeared, and looked to Harry my eyes grew glossed with confusion and fear. His breathing was rapid, as I allowed my eyes to bore into him with shock, lost for words with my eyebrows furrowed. “Shit you’re bleeding,” he said. His foot never lifted from the gas pedal, as we cruised down the highway passing endless rows of exits. I felt bile rise to my throat as I stared blankly at the dashboard in front of me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could make out Harry frantically giving me brief glances, and returning his eyes to the empty road ahead. For what felt like hours my mind raced with worrisome thoughts of my best friend and his pregnant mother. The thought of something bad happening to them crept through my brain and rattled me with relentless ferocity as Harry kept saying things that I couldn’t make out through the replacement of ringing into my ears. Crimson had dribbled from my forehead to my chest and to my denim-covered thighs, as I felt myself growing sick with an endless list of ‘what-ifs’; what if they got caught, what if they were hurt, or worse, what if they were dead. I swallowed the thick air around, me and gripped the broken window at my side causing blood to draw from my palm, with violent strength as I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Pull over,” I nearly gagged on my words. I could see him nod, though I refused to look at him. He knew the answers to questions I had never even considered to ask. When we reached enough distance between us and the men shooting, he slowly pulled over stopped the car and put it in park. I swung the passenger door open with brutal urgency, and clutched my stomach as I proceeded forward along the gravel roadside, until I reached grass and dropped to my knees, heaving the contents of my stomach in a surge to the release of my mouth as my body lurched forward and my palm pressed to the damp patch to support me. In the short distance I heard Harry’s door slam shut. Muffled footsteps approached me with speed – as I came up for air before my body flew forward once again. A strong arm crept around my shoulders from behind me keeping me from collapsing as my arm shook in weakness and my body had sent itself into shock. The second contact came from a strong hand, which wrapped around my growing hair, with a surprisingly gentle grip. The cold metal of rings brushed my scalp slightly, and I had realized that my body’s vicious attack on itself had ceased. When I regained composure,  

I was still staring into space, in shock unable to process the fact that we had just been separated from the rest of the group, and we didn’t know where we were, nor how to find them. I felt sick with panic as every bone in my body grew anxious and tears began to form in my eyes. My breath grew fast, as Harry attempted to get my attention.

“..you alright?” he mumbled. I gulped turning to look at him again. I didn’t have the words to say no. I hadn’t even felt the gash in my cheek, that accompanied that above my brow, yet didn’t flinch when he reached over to rid the flesh of the blood that had seeped from my skin. He sighed, unable to get through to me, as I continued to stare. Green, his eyes were so green, they put all of the earth I had seen to complete and utter shame. He almost looked sympathetic to my cause as he glanced at the vile contents I kneeled before that were laced with my blood, and back to me. I had grown used to coughing up blood, yet whenever it happened, it tended to shock those around me. Surely to someone who was normal, it seemed rather frightening, but not to a freak like me. Yet, I couldn’t allow myself to forget that he knew more than he was letting on, as he held out a hand to help bring me to my feet. I scoffed lightly, gently shoving it away, as I pushed myself to my feet shakily. My body faltered, for a moment I felt faint. I pushed past him and began towards the truck with my head held higher than it had ever dared to defy him. I heard him let out a frustrated puff of breath as I grew too stubborn for his liking.

“Do you even realizehow important your life is?!” he roared. I stopped dead in my tracks with my jaw clenched as he continued, “you’re no good to anyoneif you’re fucking dead!”

I turned and strutted up to him screaming, “Fuck you!” allowing the end of my exclamation to echo across the trees. He almost looked surprised. “How dare a human blood bag, like herdefine me,” he dared to ask with his expression. “I have lost EVERYTHING because of who I am!” my once soft voice boomed defiantly, its loudest to put the emphasis on everything.

“You have no cluewhat loss is,” he responds, closing the space between us. “You live to see another day even after the virus runs in your bloody veins, not just once but twice-“

“NO, Harry, I lost EVERYTHING!”I scream shoving him with every mustered bit of anger that bounces throughout my blood as my emotion gets the best of me. Tears begin to softly spill from my eyes, counteracting any chance I had at looking strong in front of him, I laugh humorlessly as my teeth grant him a fake smile, “I lost…everything,” I say softly, looking at the ground, covering my mouth with my hand as I begin to sob quietly, “I k-killed my mom when I was b-born,” sharp inhale, “I lost my p-parents and my fami-ly to the virus that didn’t kill m-me with them like it should have,” I shake my head in disbelief as my face contorts into hideous, sheer, emotion, “I l-lost my way, and allowed u to herd me around like property in fucking handcuffs,” I look at him with fire in my eyes and his once icy stare has grown to an expression I can’t make out. He almost looks guilty, but the mere thought of his guilt was absurd. Wiping my tears, I allow my breath to even before deadpanning my words to him, “I let you take away every ounce of hope I have had, in helping my friends. But I will notlose them, Harry.” I turn on my heel and begin marching in the direction of our friends…no of my family, grabbing my backpack from the truck bed, slinging it over my shoulder. Before I can leave him behind, though, his hand clamps around my wrist, and swings me back around to face him, as I instantly shove his grip from me.

“I-I’m sorry,” he stutters, shaking his head in disbelief. My face shows no emotion, as I forward and speak directly into his hear- “so am I,” I spit, turning once more. But my entire being is completely, and utterly awakened to its senses as he repeats his actions, this time yanking my body flush against his, wrapping his arms around my shorter figure.

“I’m sorry,” he says, though it comes out as a desperate plea, realizing he was wrong, and discovering just how much the others mean to me. I remained frozen, my body betraying me, as all I had ever wanted was for him to exude some type of emotion. Something, anythingthat could make me feel like I was an actual being. A complete entity before his eyes opposed to the mere object he tried to treat me like. For a mere moment I hadn’t noticed his body shake. Instinct kicked in as I pushed his arms down, and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him properly.

I found myself getting lost in the brief escape of reality, seeming to have entered an entirely new and exciting world as his forehead rested nestled into my neck slightly, using my shoulder to maintain his stability. He didn’t cry, he didn’t huff and puff in anger, he just closed his eyes and allowed himself to calm down. I stared straight ahead, letting silence run through me as I tried to remain calm until one of us cut through the silence, and the awkward emotional tension.

“I know where they’re going, we should start heading in their direction,” he mumbled clearing his throat, pulling away from my grasp. I nodded awkwardly. Then, as I remembered the mysteries which he held the solutions to in his beautiful damaged mind, I stared at him hesitantly.

“Okay...under one condition” he nodded, sliding his hands in his front pockets, “you have to tell me everything you know…everythingHarry.”

“I will, once I know we’re safe,” he promised, turning and shuffling back into the driver’s seat without another word. My weak legs were so desperate to stay glued in place, but instead followed him, sliding into the passenger seat with my backpack by my feet.

------

The entire drive was silent. I still had no words. Nothing seemed normal right now, but I would never be able to pinpoint the reasons for which I found myself growing calmer to his touch. Frustrated by my relentless emotional tug-of-war with him, I shook my head slightly, resting my elbow on the door to my right, propping my face in my hand before groaning quietly in pain as I finally acknowledged my damage. I shook my head at my frailty, resting my head against the seat, staring out the now missing window. The trees rushed in the direction against the truck, and the entirety of the drive, though I felt two beautiful green eyes boring into me through the mirror, not once did I give him the satisfaction of my attention. He had wasted too much of it for the day, and I was drained of potential words to throw at him in a moment of verbal combat.

I hadn’t even felt my eyes close, but as I was gently shaken into consciousness by a familiar face. My eyes focused and I thought I was dreaming for a moment when I was met with a pair of soft, chocolate eyes.

“Mason?” I mumbled in disbelief, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tightly. When we finally pulled apart, I noticed Harry hugging Mitch, and Addilyn in the distance. He seemed to be asking Addilyn if she was okay, before returning in the direction of Mason, and I , grabbing bags from the truck, and tossing them to Mitch, before closing the bed.

“hello? Earth to Maverie,” Mason said, snickering. I returned my glance to him, shaking my head and laughing at some comment he made about my head being messed with after getting all banged up.

“Come on, up you get,” he said laughing lightly, as he went to help me up. I went to respond, and claim that I didn’t need help, but a British accent quickly chimed in, as my eyes met his. I did not smile, nor did I frown. I had been at an utter loss for the energy to fight him on anything.

“Mason, go help your brother carry out stuff in,” Harry muttered, staring only at me, crossing his arms, with a blank expression; a blank expression and furrowed brows which lacked their traditionally dark intent. Instead, he looked focused rather than angry. Mason went to protest, and almost frighteningly knowingly, Harry cut him off with a raised eyebrow. Mason’s mouth clenched shut, as he faded into the distance of the space, being greeted by a pat on the back and a snicker from Mitch as the others headed inside. I turned my attention back to Harry who stood with his arms still crossed, but looked at me with a slight smirk. Rolling my eyes, I reached to my feet and pulled my backpack onto my shoulders.

“Don’t do that,” I sighed.

“Do what?” he asked, pursing his lips confusedly.

“Don’t act like you know anything about me, and Mason for that matter, because you don’t. Maybe if you spent time trying to get to know people, and treated them with kindness, you wouldn’t have to pretend,” I said in a gentle but pointed tone as he stepped back so I could descend the single step of the truck onto the ground. I took a second to take in my surroundings; we were surrounded by dim light, in what looked like a warehouse garage, with a metal sliding door to match the occasion. My lightheadedness got the best of me as I stepped to the surface of the floor, and my ankle wobbled, but Harry was quick to catch me. The atmosphere in the room had completely altered as I muttered a quiet, yet exasperated thank you.

He said nothing, yet nodded understandingly, releasing me from his grip slowly. Just as I began to walk towards the doors that the others had once faded into, his hand crept around my wrist, this time gently. I turned halfway, and glanced at him over my shoulder. He looked like he was fighting himself internally for a moment, before he leased his grip. My body was in goose bumps as I stood frozen in the mystery of what he would possibly do next. His hand slid up my arm slowly, and he stared at it’s trail, before it slipped behind my back. The other slipped under my knees, and in a surprising turn of events, he had lifted me effortlessly off of the dusty concrete floor, and carried me inside the warehouse.

Once inside, I received a warm smile from Addilyn, who made a space for me on an old workspace – brushing off the dust before Harry placed me sitting on top. I muttered a quick thank you, as Addy pulled out some first aid supplies.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, huh?” she asked warmly. I nodded with a tired sigh brushing my hair behind my ear. And little did I know that the next week of my life would be consumed with unforgettable memories. Some which would burn brightly in my mind for the months to come, and others which would completely break me, only to be pieced back together again slowly like an intricate puzzle.

[tarisilmarwen]

Cracks In The Mirror: Aftermath

( Chapter One, Two, Three, Four, Five, and Six.  On FFnet here.

This obsession of mine is finally done, holy crap.)

---

"Captain Kallus! Sir!"

Kallus turned to see a fidgety pink-skinned Theelin. "Miss Terez," he acknowledged with a nod. "What can I do for you?"

Gooti dropped her eyes, tapping her fingers together. "Um, I don't want to be a bother..." She looked back up anxiously. "Have you seen Mart anywhere?"

Sato's nephew. The sullen teenager had been scarcer than usual—at least according to Hera—since they'd joined back up with the rest of what remained of Phoenix Squadron on Yavin IV.

"I believe he was still down in the hanger," Kallus replied. A little softer he asked, "How is he?"

Gooti sighed heavily. "He's taking it pretty hard. It's not the first time he's watched someone slam into an Imperial ship to protect him."

Kallus put a hand on her shoulder. "You should talk to him." There'd been no one there for him after the death of his squadron, just a court-appointed therapist to ask him a few questions and then pronounce him fit for duty. He still remembered how lonely it felt.

"Mmm," Gooti said. Remembering something, she thumbed down the hallway over her shoulder. "Oh, and Hera said they want you out on the airfield for something," she told him.

"I'll be down in a moment." There was still something he wanted to check on. Or rather, someone.

Gooti stepped back and saluted. "Captain," she said, dismissing herself.

Kallus watched her leave, then blew out a breath, running a hand through his loose bangs.

Captain Kallus. It still felt weird rolling off people's tongues.

He headed for the medical wing. The hallways passed in a blur, the cool subterranean air light on his skin. He heard voices from inside the room, as he approached.

"And that's when Chopper sprayed him with fire retardant," Ezra relayed, finishing up some story.

"No," said Sabine. Her light laughter peeled out, echoing slightly in the long hallway.

"You should've seen it. Fur sticking up everywhere, foam dripping off him..."

Kallus paused in the doorway, looking in and observing quietly. Ezra was sitting up and looked small in the thin cotton hospital clothes they'd found for him, but seemed to be in good spirits. Sabine was seated in a chair next to the bed. She was much calmed from the last time Kallus had seen her, clinging to Ezra with her arms around his neck, berating him angrily, almost hysterically.

She leaned forward on her seat. "Tell me you painted it," she begged Ezra.

"Tried. It wasn't very good." He pinched a corner of the sheets, playing with it idly. "And anyway, I think it got left behind at Atollon. Probably spacedust by now."

"Aw man!" Sabine groaned.

"At least I hope it's spacedust and not on the Chimera. You know Thrawn just has a whole chunk of a wall you painted sitting on display in his office?" Ezra continued.

Sabine made a face. "Okay, that's creepy."

"Right?" Ezra agreed.

They made small talk for another minute or so, and then Sabine glanced up at the chronometer on the wall.

"Take it easy, okay?" she said, reaching over and squeezing his wrist. "I have to go report in, I'll be back later."

Ezra wilted slightly, his face pinching. "You promise?"

"You gonna be bored without me or something?" she teased.

He gestured around at the sparse room. "Not like I have anything else to do."

She smiled and squeezed his arm again. "Get some rest," she told him gently, moving to stand. "And Ezra?" she added.

She leaned in and wrapped him up in her arms. He returned the hug with a contented exhale, feeling her violet hair tickle his neck.

"I'm glad you're safe," Sabine whispered.

A second or two passed and then they let go, and Sabine withdrew with a smile towards the door, nodding briefly at Kallus on her way out.

Ezra's eyes followed her out, then shifted to him, and Kallus straightened before coming into the room.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

Ezra shifted on the bed, his gaze dropping quietly. "Sore, mostly," he replied. "Tingles in my arms and legs. Headache. Occasional heart flutters and chest pain." He glanced up. "Dr. Leslynn says there's some nerve damage and burnt tissue on my organs that's going to scar."

Kallus looked Ezra over and made his own assessment as the boy listed his symptoms. The patches of allergy rash had faded to a barely-visible pink. The nastier cuts on his face had been stitched up, the others left to scab. There were a couple red marks under the bandages on his wrists, Kallus knew, from where he'd been pulling on the metal restraints. Kanan had asked him to describe Ezra's condition when they'd had a quiet moment and had been positively furious when he'd gotten to that part. It almost unnerved Kallus how much anger had been in the Jedi's face.

Ezra had regained a lot of color, though, and looked much improved from when Kallus had first peeled him off the interrogation table.

Knowing that not all scars manifested physically, however, Kallus tapped the side of his head and asked, "What about neurologically?"

Ezra stared past him, off into space, his brows pinching between his eyes. "Everything's all just kind of... fuzzy," he said. Flashes came back to him—along with phantom pain—isolated bits and pieces of the incident that were out of order; he couldn't put them into a coherent timeline. There were blank spaces that he couldn't pierce and the edges of his memory blurred around them. He shook his head. "I don't... I don't really remember anything after I talked to you on the light cruiser." He met Kallus's eyes briefly. "Not clearly anyway," he added. "It's all kind of jumbled and mixed up."

Kallus nodded. "That's normal," he assured Ezra. "Some memory loss is expected after the more aggressive interrogation techniques."

Ezra was fidgeting. "Kallus?" he said, his voice anxious. There was a distressingly large blank in his memory after his conversation with Kallus on the light cruiser, and the only thing he could remember with any clarity after that was his initial interrogation in Thrawn's office. According to his own recollection he had seemingly just appeared there, and that in combination with something from the haze of pain and fear that was his torture...

Pryce standing before him, taunting him. "What loyalty do you owe Fulcrum?" she'd said in the interrogation chamber—or had it been in Thrawn's office? "He sold you out the moment he was able to."

It had to have been a trick, had to be. But it wasn't so easy to tell what was real and what wasn't anymore. Ezra breathed in slowly.

"You didn't... rat me out, did you?" he asked.

Kallus heard the unspoken plea for reassurance and took no offense. "I didn't," he promised, watching Ezra's shoulders sag in relief. "And..." he added, to get the boy's mind off his jumbled memories, "...you returned the favor. Even under torture."

Ezra snorted. "Only because I was too drugged to think."

"Don't sell yourself short," Kallus told him. "I've seen stronger men than you break after only a few cycles. You resisted, and for that, I am grateful," he said genuinely. "I'm sure many others feel the same."

Ezra didn't look at him for a long moment, staring at the wall, a sober expression on his face.

"...But Thrawn found us anyway," he said quietly.

"I don't think anything could have prevented that," Kallus sighed. "Sooner or later that clash above Atollon was inevitable." The Grand Admiral was too clever by far, too cunning. Every move they made, he turned it against them, like a relentless chessmaster. He was certain Thrawn was already planning around their half-defeat, already envisioning new traps he could set for them. But that wasn't what the boy needed to think about right now. Kallus placed a hand on the railing at the foot of the bed, offering an encouraging smile. "But because you warned us about the tracker we weren't caught unawares. You saved a lot of lives, Ezra," he said. "You might not feel like it right now, but it's true."

Ezra sat and absorbed that, then pushed himself a little straighter on the bed. "Thank you," he said. "And for, you know, getting me out." A small smile tugged at his lips. "Guess I owe you."

"We'll call it even." Kallus glanced about the room. "Do you need anything?" he offered.

"Something to read maybe?" Ezra suggested.

Kallus chuckled. "I'll see what I can do," he promised. "In the meantime, you should take Sabine's advice and get some rest."

"That's all I've been doing!" he whined.

"Because it's all you need to do right now," Kallus said, a slight edge of exasperation creeping into his voice. Teenagers, honestly. Always so restless. "There'll be plenty of work for you to do when you're well, Ezra. Don't rush your recovery," he cautioned.

Ezra held up his hands, shaking his head. "Okay, wait." He gave Kallus a weirded-out look. "Since when am I just 'Ezra'?" he asked.

Kallus was taken aback a moment. He hadn't realized he'd been dropping Ezra's last name when talking to him, or about him. He mused on it for a few seconds.

"I suppose... since I pulled you from an Imperial interrogation chamber," he guessed. He took a step back. "I'm sorry, does it make you uncomfortable?"

The boy's face wrinkled like he was still trying to decide that. "It's just... weird," he said.

A slight awkwardness passed through the space between them, before Kallus offered, "If you like, you can call me by my first name."

Ezra narrowed his eyes skeptically at that. "Really? What is it?" he asked.

"Alexsandr."

Ezra stared at him.

"...You're joking, right?"

A bit stiffly, Kallus snipped, "I can assure you, I am not."

"Yeeeeaaah, I think I'm just gonna keep calling you Kallus," said Ezra, shaking his head. He gave the former ISB agent a cheeky grin. "Easier that way."

Kallus huffed. "Perhaps I should continue to refer to you as Padawan Jabba," he replied dryly.

"Hey, you do whatever you want," Ezra told him, holding up his hands placatingly. "You're one of us now."

There was something suddenly very tight in his throat. Kallus swallowed and coughed to clear it.

"Get some rest," he repeated, once he'd regained his composure.

Ezra rolled his eyes, slouching down on the bed in boredom. "Yeah, yeah."

Kallus resisted the urge to snicker again, moving to exit. He left Ezra to his reluctantly quiet recovery and began to navigate his way up to the surface.

***

The cool temple air gave way to warm humidity, the moisture and sunlight both hitting his face as he stepped through the opening out into the light of a new day.

Kallus breathed deeply, taking in the lush jungle moon and the background buzz and hustle of the base. It was an almost peaceful atmosphere, the pilots and technicians moving at a leisurely pace, droids rolling by in a stately procession.

He was drawn to a huddle of familiar faces gathered around a communications terminal. A sketchy blue hologram was being piped in, and a low monotone voice rang out over the airfield.

"—assured that when he is caught, the former Agent Kallus will receive the Empire's harshest death sentence," Kallus caught the recording of Thrawn saying.

Ears pricking up, he slid into place between a stoic Kanan and an amused-looking Zeb, both listening in with their arms folded.

"As for the remnants of the Rebel cell known as Phoenix Squadron," Thrawn continued, his red eyes burning with a barely-contained displeasure, "they will be swiftly tracked down and eliminated."

Zeb chuckled. "He doesn't sound happy."

"Don't laugh," Hera chided, as she came up to the huddle. "He's already making good on his threat. Two more carriers fell into an Interdictor trap along the Perlemian Trade Route." Her eyes glanced briefly towards Kallus. "Glad you could join us, Kallus," she said curtly.

He tried not to flinch at the tension vibrating around her, the carefully controlled anger emanating from her. She'd been a maelstrom of determination and passion ever since they'd landed, working harder than ever, here one moment, on the other side of the base the next.

She tossed a datapad onto the terminal. "Tanyrn Outpost. What do you know about it?" she demanded.

"That's a high-security Imperial prison," Kallus replied promptly, leaning forward slightly to look at the datapad. "Full of Rebel operatives and sympathizers. Many are being held for interrogation."

"Perfect. Then that's our next target," determined Hera.

"Hold on," Kanan cautioned, unfolding his arms to put up a hand. "Even for us that sounds a little too ambitious."

"What's wrong with that?" Hera's hand flashed out at the empty space where the hologram had been. "You heard what Thrawn said. He thinks we're beaten and scattered. So we prove him wrong."

Was there a polite way to tell his new superior that her plan seemed... unwise? "I think a retaliatory show of defiance is exactly what he's expecting," Kallus eventually decided to say. "Remember, he's been studying your tactics and strategies for months."

"You're not thinking straight," Kanan said, putting much more bluntly the sentiment Kallus had been trying for. Even with the mask covering his face they could see a stern glare from him. "You're letting what happened to Ezra—"

"You're damn right I am!" Hera shouted suddenly. Her outburst startled even her, and she bit her lip, flinching, simmering down.

She released a heavy breath. Her shoulders slumped.

"All right," she admitted. "Maybe we keep Tanyrn Outpost on the backburner for now. But it is going to happen," she insisted. Fire burned in her green eyes. "I want Thrawn to know just how much of a burr in his side Phoenix Squadron can be."

"That, I can respect," Kanan told her, nodding.

"I'm up for annoying the blue bastard," Zeb agreed, punching a fist into his palm eagerly. "Kallus?"

Their enthusiasm and passion was infectious. Kallus let himself smile.

"Let's do it."

"We're going to need more allies then," piped up the voice of General Dodonna, walking up to join them.

"You have someone in mind?" asked Hera.

He nodded, reaching for the projector controls. "Senator Mon Mothma. She's been financing several Rebel cells under the table for some time." He tuned in to a recording from the Holonet news. "And she's just had some very strong words to say about the Emperor."

They leaned in, listening intently as the voice of the senator rang out.

It wasn't long before Kallus found himself rushing to board the Ghost, heading off into deep space, to start the next round of their chess match with Thrawn.

The skirmish above Atollon was over, but the war would continue on.

It was time to get to work.

---

 One final time, chapter notes!

1. WHERE THE HELL WAS IRON SQUADRON IN "ZERO HOUR"?! WHERE WERE MY CHILDREN?! I mean I know the fandom hates them but I needed that angst in my life I needed to see Mart's reaction to his uncle's death okay? So I couldn't help putting in a little reference. It just needed to happen, trust me.

2. AU!Kallus has become remarkably good with kids, how the heck did that happen.

3. So the accelerated timeline means that Kallus gets to be there for several major Season Three events he wasn't originally part of! I will leave it up to your imaginations how some of those scenarios might play out.

4. Since I was planning to do a Maul vs. Ezra apprentice fic anyway, that's one of the ones you might get to see.

5. Mon Mothma is a badass. That is all.

Thank you for following along with me on this journey, dear readers. I appreciate all your feedback.

[fangirlmesss]

Fuckboy, ChrisxEva,4x10 continuation

this takes place after Chris and Emma kiss and Jonas and Eva kiss Chris’s POV Emma takes my hand and leads me into an empty room inside Sana’s house. The party had died down a bit and they were only people left.But that doesn’t stop her from taking me inside.Just as she slams the room door shut with her foot, her lips make their way to mine. I’m taken back but respond back immediately, her fingers brush through my hair whilst I pin her agaisnt the wall. It’s a new feeling but I feel as if this is going to fast. I have never been the one to think having sex with a girl I just met is fast but I feel as if something is missing. I did feel intimidated by Emma when I saw her that is true, but I felt as if I genuinely liked her not the same as Eva obviously but- Shit, Eva I don’t realize what I’m doing but I pull away from Emma and I’s makeout session. “I can’t do this,” I breathe out, trying to back away but she keeps pulling meback. “What do you mean,” My indirect rejection doesn’t seem to faze Emma as she continues to kiss down my neck. “I mean I want to take this slow, like an actual relationship,” A shiver runs down my spine as the words leave my mouth, I never though I’d say anythung regarding a relationship, but I did. “A rel-relationship?” Emma stutters. “ Yeah, I want to give it a try.” I mentally slap my face as I realize that sounds harsh but then again I’ve never been in one. “Uh-uh, I just wanted to-” “ You just wanted to sleep with me, got it.” I slowly nod my head as her words hit me. I actually feel sad but I’m not sure about what. Picking up my shirt, I walk outside. Apparently everyone had left but a few people were still there. Striding outside, I spot William’s car indicating he hasn’t left yet. I walk around in hopes to find him, since he was the only person person I could talk to. I spot him in the living room with Noora. They were making out but I couldn’t give a shit less. “Williamm,” I whine out, sitting on the coffe table infront of them. They both instantly pull away on my presence making William glare at me but his expresson comepletely changes as he looks upon my anxious one. “What’s up?” he aks. “ I don’t know, I don’t know anything.‘Cause like one second I want to be with Eva and then I look at Emma and I’m like 'oh, who’s this’. And then we kiss and I feel like I;m in love but I dont know shit about love but then I think of Eva and I feel like I’m in love with her cause like her smile just comes in my mind and I just completly just get breathless even thinking of her and now I was just making out with Emma and then Eva came into my mind and I pulled away because I thought it was going too fast and then-” “ Wait, wait you pulled away because you though it was going to fast?” William cuts in between as I try to regain my breath. “Yeah, I told Emma that I want to take it slow and want to try out an actual relationship with her but then I find out she just wanted to sleep with me, which I get because like, I’m me but I’m so fucking confused about Eva man, I just don’t- like my brain doesn’t function when I’m with her, but when I saw Emma I felt like it was love at first sight and I just- what’s happening to me?” I speak out, looking up at Noora and William who had astonished looks plastered on their faces. “You love Eva?” Noora whispers. “I don’t know! I don’t get anything!” I exclaim. “Okay wait, first tell us what you feel when you look at both of them,” William suggests and for the first time it’s a decent one. “Okayy.. When I saw Emma I was like completely shocked because she looked really pretty and I’m 'like who is this, I want to know her’, and then we talked for a while and she’s so nice and I just don’t know what to say when I’m around I just focus on her face but I even feel insecure, yeah, I feel insecure that she’ll judge but then when I’m with Eva, I- I don’t give a shit about how she looks, I just get lost in her eyes and she’s so fukcing beautiful and my heart feels weird when she smiles and I can’t help but think of her all the time and then when I’m around her my heart beats crazy fast and I don’t care how I look I just want her near me and she’s so beautiful,” I say. “I was wrong,” William says slowly and I feel like I’m about to loose my shit because I don’t understand anything. “ WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!” I shout, pulling my hair. “I mean, when you messaged me saying you might love Eva, I thought it was some phase or he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but fuck man, you’re so in love with her,” William says shocked and I calm down a bit. I love Eva? “ What about Emma?” “ Leave her,you just developed an infatuation with the girl you don’t love her” Noora speaks in between. “No! Leave me alone,” I hear a shout come from behind me. I turn to look Eva run in crying with Jonas hot on her heels. “Eva! I didn’t mean it,” Jonas tries to convince her but she’s already left the house. I run outside and call Eva’s name a couple of times but she ignores me.I’m still running behind Eva who’s in the middle of the road. Hearing a loud horn come from my left, I look to see a car speeding in Eva’s disrection. Without a doubt in my head, I pull Eva out from the street and onto the sidewalk. “What the hell were you thinking?” I asked her, slightly furious. “I-I’m sorry,” She stutters,looking up at my angry face, Eva cries harder and I feel my heart drop.I immediately hug her and try to calm her down. “I’m so stupid,"Eva whiispers. "Yeah, you kinda are,"I admit, in result Eva pushes me away. "Shutup,” Eva slightly laughes and my mood brightens up knowing that I was capable of making her laugh. “Jonas and I were about to hook up and I was so happy that he was finally giving me attention after all those other girls, and then he goes like ” we aren’t getting back together right?“ and I don’t know but I felt so sad and like useless eventhough we’ve hooked up after we broke up before and I don’t know I expected something from him, he’s just a fuckboy,” My heart drops at her words knowing she still had feelings for Jonas and that she called him a fuckboy and called me the same before as well. “Do you remember what I said to you a few years back? If he makes a beautiful girl like you cry, fuck him,” I say, moving her hair out of her face. “Yeah, he’s just a cheating fuckboy,” Eva says. ouch. “Yeah, so am I,” I whisper. “What?” Eva asks. “You told me I’m a cheating fuckboy this morning, the same thing you said about Jonas,” I say, looking down at Eva’s tear stained face, wiping away her tears. “No,” Eva says and I look in her eyes. “Jonas is JUST a cheating fuckboy, but you, you are so much more than that so don’t let anyone tell you anything different,” Eva says. Yup This is the moment William was talking about,I’m so in love with this girl. Leaning in slowly, I look at Eva to see if she’s okay but I see her leaning in as well. Our lips barely touch and I already feel chills up my arms.Eva makes the first move and connects our lips. I kiss back slowly but there’s something about this kiss that seems different.. but better.Her hands entangle themselves in my hair while my hands snake around her waist. Our passion filled kiss ends when I slowly pull away but our foreheads keeps us close. “I don’t want to sound like a whore, but I wanna try.. us” I can almost hear Eva’s voice quietly tremble and I chuckle. “I wanna try us too,” I admit. “But you’re gonna have to be serious, and no flirting with other girls or even checking them out,"Eva says and I smirk. "Oh no! That mean’s I can’t even check out your mom? Because she’s for sure a milf!” I exclaim, pouting to seem serious. “Chris!” Eva shouts, not believing what I just said. “I’m kidding,” I kiss Eva’s forhead and reassure her. My happiness this second is undescribable, there’s nothing and no one interrupting Eva and I’s moment this second and I could not be happier.I smile as I realize that Eva and I are having a 'moment’. “Such a fuckboy,” Eva mutters under breath but I still hear her. “But now your just stuck with me,” I say. If this feels like love, then it’s bloody amazing.

[shadowsfascination]

YAAU - chapter 7 - A new reality

“You know who I am, right?” Amy said when sitting on the chair that was right beside the ebony and crimson striped male’s bed. She just handed him a plate with a homemade meal. She had been cooking for the both of them ever since they woke up in the very room of the infirmary. It had been a week since Sonic and Shadow returned home in a devastated state of both mind and body. Sonic had been very quiet since he woke up. He briefly spoke about what had happened and kept his cool, but the situation left its scars on him. Him talking in his sleep and trying to fight the enemy that appeared in his dreams to hurt him were a bit of a giveaway. During the days he was very silent and uncharacteristically calm, not in a rush, not moving all the time or being impatient like he usually was. Those signs showed the gang that the whole situation left its impact on their friend and they decided that giving him some time to recover from the wounds on his body and in his mind would be best. Every day at least one of the gang showed up to check on Sonic and keep him company. Shadow on the other hand was still only being visited by Amy due to problems with his memory. The doctors told the group of young friends that he suffered from a bad concussion which resulted in the loss of some parts of his memory. They had been told that it would be best for him if he got to spend time with one person first to regain memories back and so Amy was the first to be around him because they had been dating for the past 5 and half months. A chill crawled down the spine of Amy Rose when she remembered the events of last week. She had been counting the days to the homecoming of their friends and when the day finally was there, she got up early in the morning to cook and bake all kinds of food for the party they would be having the next day for Sonic and Shadow’s comeback. She was caught up in her cooking and lost track of time. That way she was totally caught off guard when the door was slammed open all of the sudden. She turned around- her heart leaping for joy to see their friends again- but that joy was slammed out of her heart along with door being slammed open. Her eyes caught the vision of a beaten up Sonic supporting Shadow to walk, who looked even worse. They groaned in pain and she could see the wounds all over their broken bodies. The black hedgehog’s eyelids were swollen and the blue hedgehog had a bone sticking out of his flesh on the arm he wasn’t supporting the black hedgehog with. Her eyes were caught by the sight of a shiny object that was attached to Shadow’s chest. They had bruises and cuts everywhere and they were covered in dirt. She could see that some of them were already infected badly by the pus coming out of it. They both collapsed on the floor. 

Everything after that went by in a vague way. She dropped the cake she had just pulled out the oven, ran over to them and asked what happened for about a hundred times in distress. She contacted Tails and Knuckles, Jayde and Rouge with her wristwatch that also functioned as a contacting device. They came rushing over- except for Jayde who didn’t answer to her call- and took the duo to the medical building of the academy. They both were transported to the hospital and entered a state of coma for a couple of hours while the medical staff took care of the many injuries they had on the intensive care, where the gang was not allowed. Amy walked around in circles for a while in the waiting room, but got too tired from the stress she was experiencing at the very moment. She had to sit down and wait: wait for the lamp in the sign above the door to be switched off. Wait for someone to walk through the mint colored folding doors. Wait for someone that would tell them they were out of danger. Wait for the moment to arrive that she could look back on this situation, knowing they had survived and all would be fine in the end. It was killing for everyone to wait like this and it seemed to take an eternity for something to happen. At the same time she wasn’t sure if she even wanted something to happen. As long as that light burned, as long as those doors were closed, as long as they were sitting here waiting, they were alive. Maybe the thought that they were alive was enough and they could keep waiting here all eternity. Maybe that would be the best outcome if the still unknown alternative could be that they were not going to make it. All caught up in her inner dialogue with a deeper layer of herself she didn’t reflect on much, a male figure appeared in front of her. She didn’t see him walking towards her or didn’t hear him calling her. “Miss Rose?” She looked at him and swallowed, not sure if she was able to bear the truth. “Now that I’ve got everyone’s attention: both of them are out of danger, but their situation is still critical and we will have to observe them for the next 48 hours. Shadow is still in coma. We don’t know if and when he will be waking up. Sonic is just sleeping. When they wake, they might still be in shock.” “Thank you.” A red echidna spoke briefly. His attitude showed a lot of respect as his hot tempered personality would cool down in times like these. “Can we see them?” Amy asked? The doctor frowned and looked away in order to think whether that was a good idea or not and decided it would be okay. “Only for a couple of minutes though. They have to get lots of sleep in order to recover properly.” “Thank you.” Tails rose from his seat and followed the doctor as he showed them their way to the room they were in. The others followed. Somehow they unknowingly depicted that Sonic and Shadow would look better than before because they survived the surgery, but were horrified by the feature that was being drawn right before their eyes. Knuckles bit his lip, but tried to hide it. Rouge gasped and instinctively pulled her hand before her mouth, shocked at the sight in front of her. Tails footed his way to Sonic’s bed and silently let his emotions rule over him by just standing there and staring at his best friend. He wasn’t even able to cry.

 Amy was standing in the middle of the room, looking from Sonic to Shadow and back, not knowing where to go, what to say or what to do and eventually started crying. The young woman’s eyes started to water when she was reminded of the horrific events from last week and silently she cried. She wanted to burst into tears, but knew that it would hurt her more to do so in the end because she wanted to be comforted by Shadow. She longed for his gentle touch and that he would reassure her it would be all right, but instead he didn’t even remember who she was. So, she cried only cried by herself because it was best to keep your emotions to yourself if you don’t have anyone to understand how you feel or if you don’t want to be a bother to the ones who could because they are suffering themselves as well. That’s what she told herself every time the emotions rose like stormy waves and washed over her. Shadow had been confusing her with the head nurse all week and even though she knew it wasn’t his fault, it still hurt that he couldn’t remember who she was. Even so, she was really patient with him and showed up to talk to him every day, hoping that he would remember her any time soon. “It’s almost 7 pm. Your shift will be finished soon. You can go home if you want to. I won’t tell anyone.” Shadow winked at her, still believing she was a nurse and that the only reason she was here was because she was obliged to be here with him until her shift was finished. The dramatic events that were due to their return had been three weeks ago and Shadow woke up four days after being admitted to the hospital.. Shadow wanted her to enjoy the time she had off work and thought that he was doing her a favor by letting her go early. In reality, she was his girlfriend who willingly showed up at visiting hour every single day with homemade food ever since he woke up from his coma. It hurt her real bad when he wanted her to leave early. “Go on, you must have got someone waiting for you at home.” Her face grew white as soon as he spoke those words and it sent a cold flush through her body. She shivered from it and didn’t know how to respond to that. The doctors had told her that it would only confuse him if she reacted against his ideas of reality right now and if he was confused, it would only take longer for him to regain his memories. She swallowed: “It’s all right, Shadow. I love my job, so I’ll stay with you until it’s exactly 7 pm.” He shrugged his shoulders at her and yawned. Unable to keep his eyes open, he slowly faded into a light sleep. She looked at him and wondered what his world was like right now and whether he had changed or not or whether the damage to his brain would be permanent. The sound of the clock beating 7 times in a row woke her up from her anxious thoughts. It was time to go home. She silently stood up and walked towards the door to push it open and leave. “Thanks.” She heard from behind.

“Huh?” “You’re always coming to see me, right? I’m starting to remember your face because of that. What’s your name again?” “It’s Amy, Amy Rose.” “Amy. I’ll try to remember that.” She nodded and smiled. It filled her heart with joy and her mind with peaceful thoughts that he called her by her name again. It will be all right. “Good night.” “See you tomorrow.” It will be all right.

Next chapter: read here