#i am now really craving a bagel

[imaginespazzi]

NIVIII LOVELY OMG I fear you are invading my outside of tumblr world… was getting a bagel this morning (let me just say it was delish… GOOD sesame seed bagels do not get the credit they deserve) anyways this little girl was calling out for her mom and the mom replied “yes stephie” DA FAWWWKKK I froze so quick

Anyways hope you’re doing well

— 🤩🤩

BRO I LOVE A GOOD SESAME BAGEL!!

Ahahhahaha was the mom a single beautiful light-skinned brunette because idk babe maybe you should've shot your shot?

[yunniestars]

peach mango pie 🥧

pairing: kinich x chef!reader tags: fluff, kinich is a bit grumpy here but we cool, based off that one tiktok i saw around 4 months ago but i forgot where it is now, implied insomnia, not proofread (i think i've never proofread my works help), the title is based on what i wanted to cook for a while already and i did (i'm actually eating it right now)

as a hunter, kinich usually suffices with just meat and berries he caught in the wild. he doesn't care about the quality as long as it is edible and it fills up his stomach (not too much though to avoid feeling too full). ajaw has complained multiple times about this but kinich reprimands him that they can't just slack off during a commission to cook a 5-course meal, much to the dragonlord's rage.

which is why when he met you, ajaw was ecstatic. you would always give so much treats to the point kinich reprimands you to not spoil ajaw too much.

jokes on him, though, kinich is guilty of being spoiled too. you always make sure he eats 3 meals a day while also checking if the food won't be a hindrance to him when he goes out for commissions. nevertheless, though, kinich is super grateful for your kindness.

so whenever kinich comes home after a long day, he would always await for whatever meal you had prepped up for dinner and hug you tiredly. in exchange, he does the dishes so you won't have to carry the burden of cooking the meals and doing the dishes.

kinich is thankful, he really is, but there's just one thing that concerns him.

୨୧

it's 3 am and kinich woke up from a bad dream. it was you leaving him for some fontaine boy, without even telling him the reason of why you broke up with him.

he was looking for your presence, about to panic because you weren't there, but then he started to smell something from the kitchen.

"oh god not again."

he immediately gets up and the moment he steps out the door, he sees you holding a tray of red velvet cookies. not only that, but he spots another tray which seems to be bagels stuffed with hotdogs.

you turn to see him looking at you with an expression that only you know that means "disbelief". he looks nonchalant, but really he's just ??? about why you're baking at 3 am AGAIN.

"good morning," you smile and take a bite off a cookie.

"why are you cooking at 3 am again? can't sleep?" he approaches you with slight worry. he's concerned about how you'd suddenly wake up at ungodly hours in the evening just to bake.

"mhm," you nod and let him embrace you. "and i was craving for the bagels we ate last week."

kinich sighs while ruffling your hair. "you couldn't wait till morning?"

"i felt the wayob telling me to do it now."

he chuckles and caresses your face, wiping the velvet crumbs off your face. "you probably misheard the wayob. you need to sleep, love."

you sigh and rest your head on his neck. "not tired..."

as you say that, kinich rolls his eyes because every time you say that, he ends up carrying you back to the bedroom while you sleep. which was what was happening right now, before he could even get the chance to tell you about it.

he sets your body gently on the bed, caressing your sleepy face and admiring how peaceful you look despite of the amount of desserts you baked just now.

kinich then sighs. that's another thing he has to worry about. where is he supposed to store the newly baked desserts when there's still 5 boxes from last time?

well, he'll just clean up for now and struggle it alone. what matters is that you're getting the amount of sleep you deserve right now.

"sleep well, my dearest."

[ written with love, yunniestars. ෆ ]

a/n: rahhh thanks for reading!! im really thankful for each time u guys read my work, it gives me lot of motiv hehe. one question though, how do u guys think kinich will say "love"? like the equivalent of "mon coeur?

[not-terezi-pyrope]

I'm gonna stop vagueposting about this and be concrete because holy fuck do I not make good decisions when I leave myself to internalise. Also because in a slightly less pleasant way I need attention, I want others to look at me and argue for what I should do even if I ultimately don't listen to them.

I had been clinically obese for most of my adulthood. I was a skinny teenager but picked up some binge eating tendencies after a mental health crisis when I was 19 and was pretty much eating twice what a doctor might have asked me to. I tried not to care, but I did care. People treat you like shit if you're fat, and if you're a fat trans woman... I felt unwanted, invalidated and unloved. I am the sort of person who craves physical affection and I was being isolated. It felt like death.

At the start of last year I decided I'd had enough and finally listened to what the whole world was telling me, threw aside my concerns about betraying fat pride or whatever and committed to losing weight. Managed to get semaglutide treatments which gave me the kick I needed and started eating less too. It was good. I saw results. My life got better in every way. I was more social, more feminine, people were actually attracted to me.

I may have fucked myself over somewhat now with the positive reinforcement loop, because I'm still not where I'd ideally like my body to be and as I've got used to eating less and found it easier to mentally set myself to do so, over the past few months I started directly counting calories and have been tapering myself lower and lower, substituting low calorie foods for previous staples and being increasingly strict and consistent and eating fewer meals until now recently over the past few weeks I've been averaging less than 800 calories a day and

Yes, I know it's not healthy. I know that and I knew that from the outset. I know all about the risks of eating disorders but you know what, as I often do when I'm making unwise choices I coveted the unbounded disordered thinking of others. Coveted the idea of being so deep in the sauce I couldn't even think about straying from the path I was on. I would (and still do) read through the tags for those dangerous as hell eating disorder communities on tumblr and twitter, and wish that I could go that far.

I look back at the 40kg I've lost in the past year and yet I see people who's "starting weight" is still 10 or 15kg less than I weigh now and think "fuck I'm so bad at this. Will I ever catch up?". I want to catch up. I'm currently in the "healthy" weight bracket but my body is not where I want it to be.

And now I realise I may have been fucking stupid because I'm feeling like shit all the time and my emotions are everywhere and I can feel that I have no energy but it's not like I can. Turn this off! Because I cannot go back to how I used to be, I simply cannot, and I've spent the past year dismantling years of conditioning and replacing it with new conditioning where I have convinced myself no matter what I cannot give up. Because if I do I'll bounce back and I'll be the same unwanted lonely person I was before who people would laugh at on the bus because of my size.

I can't go back surely people must see that. But going forward is skewering me in a way that I am not prepared for. I'm so cold and so tired. Even though my body is still large. I know there's probably a healthy middle ground here but I can't convince myself to risk it when I only just got myself under my control.

And everyone is going to scream at me to go eat a bagel and they will be right and yet I know I can't. Not until I've reached a threshold where taking that risk won't bounce me back to where I was.

I literally am at an impasse here and it's an uncomfortable one. I feel like I can't even really claim this properly because it hasn't been an issue for super long and I'm still large bodied and I'm going so hard on pulling attention to myself - it's like, am I really committed? Am I committed enough long term to treating myself like this to be taken seriously? And the only way to affirm that is not to turn away from my path, not to eat more. Even though

I'm spending a large proportion of my time now in a sort of suspended animation state of emotional disruption because my brain isn't working properly. Working is hard. Leisure is hard. My social life has taken hits lately, and that isn't all my fault. But some of it is, and some of that is because I'm less emotionally stable because of this, and that really should show me that I'm being self-defeating because the whole point of this was to find more friends and community and to be wanted and for people to want me and to have lots and lots of sex

Which I had been getting. But I'm getting less of now because I'm less capable physically, mentally, and emotionally. And yet I don't feel like I can stop, because I still don't want to. And I'm like fuck what have I done to myself. This is such a stupid way to have approached things. But I'm not sure there's really any other way I could have you know

Sorry this is a really rambling post, I'm getting worse at arranging my thoughts. Fuck!

[gamora-borealis]

incoming rant about discussions about diet culture & body positivity i've seen online (for context, I am a fat person):

I really do appreciate people who spread body positivity and dispell myths about bmi and diet culture, but seeing people be like "well if you are craving a food that probably means your body need it!" has me a bit... concerned? like I respect the sentiment. I really do. we don't need to feel shame about what we eat. however, some of us have adhd, messed up gut microbiomes, binge eating disorder, and/or metabolic issues. like sometimes I need to tough it out and not give in to my cravings because if not I might throw up, pass out, or feel physically sick.

like, another example, I have PCOS and a lot of chronic pain. diet culture in terms of like, obsessing over calories or thinking you can't have any of a certain food is not good. however, my doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory diet plan, which is basically a packet that says "these are kinds of foods/ingredients that tend to increase inflammation in people who have PCOS or other inflammatory issues, so try to avoid these if possible" and when I do follow it I absolutely feel better than when I'm constantly eating the food that is feeding my adhd dopamine cravings. adderall sometimes helps with my ADHD binge eating, but when I ran out of it for a month because of shortages, my eating got out of control and now my gut and brain are having a really hard time adjusting back to where I was (not to mention my ADHD causes me to forget to take my Adderall a lot too 🤦‍♀️).

like, there are lots of foods being marketed to us constantly that really aren't that great for us. not that they are necessarily dangerous, but they are being made to taste as good as possible so you'll keep buying them, by corporations that do not have your health in mind. and like. if you eat "unhealthy" all the time and give into your cravings, that's okay! it's completely understandable. food is good and fun and sometimes your body does need certain things! plus sometimes the "healthier" food is wayyy more expensive or hard to make. but I just think we need to be careful making blanket statements about food when certain foods are more harmful to some of us.

like, again, we shouldn't feel shame about food or being "fat." there are fat people out there who are very healthy! however, some of us who are fat have chronic illnesses or disorders that are tied to weight gain. now, tbh our goal shouldn't be to manage our chronic illnesses or disorders so that we'll be "skinnier," the goal should be to try and manage our illnesses (as much as one is able) for the sake of our health/wellbeing. unfortunately, a lot of doctors tie weight to health, and say "oh you're losing weight the treatment plan is working!" when that really shouldn't be the indicator, or at least the sole indicator, that a treatment for a chronic illness or disorder is working. we should change that mindset. (there's so much more one could say about fatphobia in the medical field tbh).

Idk, I'm just very literal and don't like blanket statements made online without a lot of nuance or backing. I feel like there's a middle ground between obsessing over weight and dieting and encouraging people to eat whatever they want without taking other health factors into consideration.

like, even though I'm prediabetic and struggle with inflammation, I still eat sugar and carbs. but I try not to over-do it if I can (some days I just don't have the impulse control and that's alright). for example, I buy dairy-free ice cream sandwiches that have 9 grams of sugar (very low compared to most ice creams treats) and real fruit frozen pops (that have natural sugars) because my brain is always craving sugar. but they aren't as sugary as some of the other stuff out there and don't have the dairy or dyes that trigger my inflammation. I also love bagels so I eat these really yummy protein bagels. they probably have more carbs than I really need, but if I'm gonna eat a bagel for that sweet sweet dopamine hit, at least they are organic whole wheat (which is better) and the protein helps keep me full for longer. it takes research sometimes, but it can be helpful to find a middle ground between your cravings and "healthy eating" especially when you have a chronic illness or disorder you are trying to manage. but if you are struggling to find that middle ground and are just eating "unhealthy" a lot, you aren't any lesser for it. Or even if you just, never chose to try and eat "healthier," you aren't lesser for that either. you still deserve respect. we shouldn't change our diets because of judgement from others. I feel like that should be the ultimate goal of body positivity/anti-diet culture discussions.

[inconsideratekidney]

10/22/24

good evening y'all,

question (/hot take?): do you prefer toaster ovens or air fryers?

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i'm curious why people put stickers on poles and other public structures. why do they waste good stickers on public spaces? sure i don't want a furry sticker or an anime one, but someone does, so why do people throw them up everywhere? i'd say keep them if you bought them! i know some are advertisements, but i see the same furry wolf sticker every week and do not need to see it. if you like it, keep it or advertise it on your own belongings, not on a public space.

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can you get along with someone who is very similar to you? do you just get someone that is very similar to you or do you clash and butt heads often? for me it depends on the person and the differences (wow, no shit!) but like seriously, yeah.. if our differences are that we both share the same trait, but in different ways, then yeah we're bound to actually be more different, but when we both have the same personality and humor is works out nicely. it's either water and oil or bread and butter. now i want some bread and butter, ooooh, no i want garlic bread.

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how does one achieve that tomboy aesthetic, while also maintaining femininity? i've had this problem since elementary school, believe it or not. i can't tell if people think i have it all together fashion-wise cuz i don't. i often see people wear similar things every day and have a general style--even if that style is extraordinary and extravagant or if they're gender fluid--i still see somewhat of a pattern, but what do they think in their heads? i'm constantly annoyed when a fit doesn't eat and also isn't comfy. it irks me that a fit is just mid and plain and stupid. when i put effort into it and it just looks like i did nothing or like i cant match a style to my body type. i still don't know what my body type is and what style would look best.

i did actually find myself recently thinking of friends and others i see on a regular basis and what clothing i would put them in or what i think would look best on them and it's honestly so much fun, until i can't focus on it for very long. i cannot daydream or fantasize on purpose which is rough when i actually have cool ideas. i wish my brain let me focus on one thing, then i'd have more to write about in this section. womp womp.

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one second i crave chocolate, and the next i crave cheese. what is up with that?? i really want one of those cheddar baked-on bagels ever since i saw someone eat it yesterday. i know i won't like it, but i want to have it. i also really love brie now. has anyone else been getting those cooking videos where all they do basically is bake garlic and smear it on bread with brie or make pesto and smear that on, drizzle a shit ton of olive oil at like every step and tons of salt and pepper at the end. crazy how at one point i saw so many of those videos and they just stick with me. love them, but they do bamboozle me. one account can just label themself as a cooking channel, but mostly post the same garlic recipe five thousand times. i will like every single one they post, but will still be annoyed they know how to get people like me. i am still shaking my fist at the stupid good algorithm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i wrote something yesterday while walking to class and added a bit more to it:

something about the warmth of the wind and the liveliness of the swaying flora around summoned her attention to the auburn leaves and singing fronds about. suddenly the depths of the internet mattered no more than benign particles floating just out of sight. her gaze traveled to the earth around calling out for one glimpse of recognition. one existence waiting peacefully to be noticed and appreciated by the bumbling folks who don't often pay any mind to the beauty around them. only then when her breath come back into her body did she realize she had forgotten everything prior to this moment. she took it all in, breathed in and out, and continued about her day.

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it is a struggle for me to not pick up leaves off of the ground lately. i'm kinda addicted to leaves rn. got a whole bunch of them sitting on my window sill..i'm not kidding, there's probably at least 20 or 30. and i love them all. all so beautiful in their own ways even with their "imperfections" which are totally perfect to me. i love every leaf i see on the ground, but especially the vivid orange and red ones. i do love a good brown and green leaf as well tho, gotta represent my favorite colors.

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anyshways, i felt like this was a good blog. it felt genuine and not over the top ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tldr?: it didn't feel that long, but there's always someone who thinks it is

toaster oven or air fryer?

stickers in public

opposite persons

tomboy/feminine style

food...

something i wrote

leaves!!!

idk if these tldr's are useful or not, but i like summarizing and it keeps me on track knowing i gotta write one so i don't go on and on. maybe i should put these at the beginning, but i don't wanna. >:(

guten tag,

kD >:p

[makethatelevenrings]

Hey! I'm jewish and I just wanted to say you're doing fine. I stand with Palestine. This situation has nothing to do with religion. You've done nothing wrong

I kept this in my inbox for a few days bc I just wanted to ruminate over this and I chatted with a lot of IRL folks and yeah. Yeah. I want to just kind of expand on this in a way I don't think people really think of but idk it's been marinating in this brain soup of mine for a few days now.

I was heavily, heavily Christian a few years ago until I hit rock bottom mentally and realized how hard the church was on my mental health. And I had to unravel so many pieces and parts of me and expose so many open wounds before I could come to terms with who I was outside of religion. Somedays I still listen to hymns when I feel the need to, but I haven't been able to pick up my Bible in two years. The Beatitudes and Psalm 23 still rests on my tongue a lot. I use religious allegory and allusions frequently in my writing.

But oh how jealous I am of the devotion I see Jewish and Muslim people have towards their religions. I hold so much jealousy and love because of all the people I've met, I have been so amazed by their devotion and also their kindness. I think of my Muslim neighbors bringing over a platter of Syrian desserts on Christmas Eve with a note that wished us a Merry Christmas and blessings into the new year and that while they didn't celebrate the same holiday as us, they hoped their prayers would mean just the same. I think of my Jewish friends in college listening to my struggles with my own faith over coffee and bagels that they insisted I had to try. I remember sitting in our campus nondenominational room with a Torah, Bible, and Qu'ran seated next to a statue of Lakshmi, a Catholic portrait of Christ, and a prayer rug.

Perhaps this is such an American formerly evangelical protestant thing for me to say but I love the way that people who love their religions have so quietly touched my life. I remember how blatantly I would tell people I would pray for them, how we would grab hands with strangers and just pray over them, how we would stand on street corners and wave signs inviting people to church, how my church shunned me for asking questions.

But then there was the quiet Muslim man who handed me a free copy of the Qu'ran at a local food festival and he bowed his head as he handed it to me and asked that, "if you have any questions, concerns, anything, please come by our mosque." There was a few days ago when I expressed interest in Jewish theology that my friend plied me with links upon links of free resources, explanations of the Torah and the Tanakh, Mishnah, Kabbalah, etc. and told me to ask questions.

Idk this is a ramble of thoughts that have been whirling around in my head for a few days now. I just find myself craving the peace that many people find in religion, especially now. I hope that, right now, that those who believe in a higher power are able to lean on that.

[bruhmantics]

hiii my beautiful boygirlfriend @winn-in-doubt tagged me in a thing which I will do here :)

favorite color: it was pink for so long but now I don’t own much pink and it’s not really my fav anymore!! time to reassess. maybe deep purple, or black if that counts.

last song I listened to: Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter of course

currently reading: Resilience and Melancholy by Robin James, it’s an academic-ish music philosophy book about how the EDM-pop music of the mid-2010s reflected the neoliberalism of the moment. it’s good!!

currently watching: I’m in the middle of Lola Sebastian’s Sweeney Todd video essay, and I just resumed watching Scavengers Reign I have a few episodes left!!!

currently craving: a bagel with scallion cream cheese

coffee or tea: tea always, ewwww coffee

current art project in 3 words: many unfinished things

tagging: @we-made-it-this-far-kid @hare-m00n @am-i-really-conscious

[kaiasky]

Tag 9 people to get to know better, tagged ages ago by @machine-saint

3 ships/ First ever ship:

probably liked something before this. but Rosemary (homestuck) is what got me on tumblr.

House/Wilson is a good dynamic but not something I'm compelled to read fanon about.

there's like a million friends at the table [mortal person]/[the machine-god that is their wife and/or eating them slowly alive]. but let's say [signet]/Belgard bc recent developments have got me Thinkin About Them

Last song: when i exported my Spotify playlists to mp3 the thing i found searched YouTube for "{artist} {songName} lyrics" and applies yt-dlp to the first result. this doesn't work for lyricless songs where somebody's written fan lyrics. eg searching "toby fox megalovania lyrics' gets you fanlyrics. which i usually slowly delete but i got a new mp3 player and i only delete them on device not in the computer's master library.

all that to say, it sounds like somebody wrote lyrics to DJVI - Don't let go (from geometry dash)

Last movie: i really don't watch movies. personal failing.

Currently reading: in between books rn. Just read Labrynths collection of Borges short stories

Currently watching: hunter x hunter! somewhere in greed island i am continually astounded at how fucking good this anime is.

also, an astounding amount of HermitCraft youtube

Currently consuming: active in my body is 400mg caffeine 200 mg l theanine because i made some choices. is that consumption? also tumblr

Currently craving: christ thats a big one huh. i want the spark of brilliance where i feel untouchable and undistractable like im. Concentrated into a single brilliant point. the focus and the bliss that comes with that focus [this is a bad, or difficult, thing to crave]. also. i would like an everything bagel toasted with butter from mr. timothy horton and I will acquire his goods in the morn.

[not tagging anybody right now but mayhaps i will later]

[frogofalltime]

11.02.2024

i woke up at 8am with extremely painful cramps. i got up to use the bathroom, took paracetamol, went back to bed, and eventually got back to sleep after an hour or so ?

then i woke up again at 12:30pm and just stayed in bed until finally getting up at 3pm. i was in so much pain and i felt very nauseous.

i ate a toasted bagel, a pear, and a bowl of leftover rice and beans from last night. i also read a chapter of percy jackson and the sea of monsters. my flatmate started cooking fish and the smell was very gross and overwhelming so i quickly got out of the kitchen, but i forgot to microwave my heat pad that i use instead of a hot water bottle, so i just had to suffer :(

i used the hair dryer robin lent to me to dry my walking shoes which got soaked through in the snow last week. it worked pretty well, idk how to use hair dryers for their intended purpose but i have successfully dried wet shoes with this method a few times lol

then i went back to bed and did nothing at all until around 8pm when i made myself two hummus and salad sandwiches and ate them with bombay mix.

i read more of my book while eating an apple and some hazelnut chocolate which i was really craving. then i was in too much pain to sit up in a chair so i went back to my room.

i used the bathroom and brushed my teeth and now i am in bed yet again. i have basically been curled up in bed all day. i feel awful physically and mentally. periods are the worst for me because they hurt so badly and also cause so much gender dysphoria :( i hope it gets easier soon :(

[maryxoliver]

tagged by @full---ofstarlight for this "people you'd like to know better" tag game! ty for the tag :3c

--

THREE SHIPS: 

hmmmmmmm ok im no thoughts head empty so im just gonna scroll thru my blog and see what ship content appears

carmy x sydney on the bear - i was really against this season 1 but idk what happened season 2 that made me kind of want it... maybe it was bc i'm stubborn and as soon as molly gordon's character showed up i was like hold the phone (sorry claire love u claire i rlly do) or maybe it was that this season was a group project and nothing makes me ship characters like putting them in a group project together... anyway ya that's a new thing for me

jeff x shauna on yellowjackets - it's not that i think they love each other or that they hate each other it's a secret 3rd thing where he is scared of her but also kind of enthralled by this whole thing bc maybe the cure to suburban ennui is committing crimes together and helping each other cover them up

pj x hazel in bottoms: SOO GOOD. idk what else i can say. good shit.

LAST FILM:

rewatched barbie with my mom and aunts (they hadn't seen it before!) i still loved it but definitely picked up on some new stuff this time and feel even more strongly about the things i would have changed lol

CURRENTLY WATCHING:

i have one more episode of reservation dogs left (cry) and i also just started fall of the house of usher. reservation dogs is so good i had some criticisms of this season early on but i feel like it really came back around and stuck the landing and made it all make sense. fall of the house of usher is good but i was watching it on the plane tuesday morning and the jumpscares were a little much for 7 am lmfao.

CURRENTLY READING:

raw dog by jamie loftus. very funny and now i know way too much about hot dogs but i do love jamie so much <3 i also brought two other books with me: the idiot by elif batuman and bear with me now by katie shepherd

CURRENTLY CONSUMING:

hopefully thanksgiving leftovers soon <3

CURRENTLY CRAVING

coffee, good bagels

tagging: @theladysarmor @kelofmindelan @rowingtherubicon @nochturnes @romancednpc

[lucysweatslove]

(Tw ED related stuff under the readmore, this time talking about purging too)

(Don’t worry I’m safe/fine and didn’t engage in any disordered behavior)

So y’all know how I went on a hike yesterday and saw beautiful foresty sights?

Well idk how many calories I actually burned because fuck that, but I was out for a while, about 2.5 hours of actual moving but that involves very slow going on snowy patches. I spent maybe half an hour total with taking pics or stopping for a snack midway, some of that time getting low underneath trees to get closer to the creek (which was very active!).

Anyway, I was SUPER HUNGRY yesterday which is totally fine because 2.5 hours of activity requires fuel.

But today I’ve been having like a really hard time feeling full and satisfied, which is probably also related to hiking. Doubly annoying is that my body doesn’t want protein. Like I had a protein heavy breakfast but needed to pair it with potatoes (which, like carrots, are absolutely not a vegetable 😉) and toast because alone the idea of eggs and a vegan sausage like. I felt nauseated thinking about it.

Now I believe my body is trying to replenish its glycogen and is like “feed me carbs so I can continue to take you on hikes through knee deep snow!” which is fine but I don’t make carb heavy meals. Like they just aren’t in my repertoire of things to cook. And the few I do make that are carb heavy are also still protein heavy- like a turkey bagel sandwich is carb heavy because carbs in bagel, but I also put goat cheese (maybe with avo) and deli turkey on it and have vegetables and dip which I like with yogurt. Even my pasta is more protein heavy because I use lentil pasta (I honestly love the taste). Anyway most of the meals I know how to make and can do without much executive planning will have 25-35g protein in it.

And my body today is just not wanting it. I try, and the moment meat is being cooked, or cooked meat is being prepared, or I even smell the yogurt or milk, I literally feel so sick.

I could just eat carby things alone but something about it ALSO felt wrong- like just a bagel? Boring. Bagel with jam? Also boring. Also, snacky. I couldn’t bring myself to actually make a meal- even like, cutting up fruit I just couldn’t do. It didn’t make any sense to me. So after breakfast I finished an older protein bar I had forgotten about from last week, and then just didn’t eat.

Husband made (quite large) garlic knots tonight to use up old pizza dough. THIS smelled divine. I ate one- still hungry. Second- still hungry. Third- why tf am I still hungry? He only made 6, 3 for me and 3 for him, so I couldn’t have another one. So I was rummaging through the cabinets and remembered all the candy and treats we got on Sunday. I still had some of those, so I finished off the licorice and hello panda cookies (maybe 1-1.5 “recommended servings” left for each), have a couple pieces of fruit mochi, even have some coffee candies and a lychee gummy because they sounded super good. I was sipping water throughout too, as I do throughout the day.

But nope, still hungry. And now I’m craving something salty. Like great I satisfied my need for carbs, but my body is still hungry and is now wanting salt. So I have a couple handfuls of cashews. Keep in mind this is all spread out around 3.5 hours. It’s not all at once. I’m giving myself time to eat, to get it in my body, have my hormones adjust to the new fuel, etc.

Finally, after the cashews, I feel ACTUALLY satisfied and full. Not sick full but like, appropriate full. The full that means I won’t be hungry at an inappropriate time but I’m not over full. No more cravings. Like “move on with your life” full.

But what does my brain decide to do with this? It’s like I’m 19 or 20 again and my brain is saying “nope we can’t feel full, hunger is good, get rid of it.” (Note: I primarily exercise purged, so this little voice isn’t just like throw it up or abuse laxatives, which I also have done, but also “count up all the calories, try to estimate, and then go to the gym and burn it all off, you haven’t gone since Tuesday!”)

It’s just this small little instinctual urge which is likely coming up because stress and new scholastic endeavors and being forced to have people perceive me. Just got me in that old headspace again because of situational similarities.

Also: the fact that it was cashews that did it at the very end is killing me. Like not even after the mochi or the lychee gummy. Something with micronutrients and very very much needed salt because I DO get dizzy without it. Something traditionally considered “healthy.” THAT is what turned ED brain on. It’s literally about how full or empty I feel and how many calories I believe I’ve eaten vs burned in a day. Doesn’t matter where it’s from. Oats or chocolate or molasses or fucking carrots or nuts.

I’m just annoyed that even this far into/past recovery, my brain still goes back ten years when my body literally just feels NORMAL. Ten years into recovery and my brain is STILL triggered sometimes just by *actually feeling fully and completely satisfied.*

Anyway: I’m totally safe, not going to do anything, it was just like this little whisper of old times which I can easily tell to stfu now, but these moments are so rare I forget they exist and when they come back, it’s just a reminder that I will likely always have them trying to peak through stressful times.

[pixeledwings]

Get to know a simmer

@wanderlustwhims !! thank you for tagging me, ( admittedly i got very excited haha )

Show your wallpaper:

An adorable drawing of my d&d character, calliope, and her (then) boyfriend! by my amazingly talented friend @arynaxolotl

Last song you listened to: sharks by imagine dragons, but the portals album by melanie martinez is always on repeat in my head 😩

Currently reading: warrior cats 🐱 !! i'm a lil late to the party.

Last movie: i don’t even know? either thumbelina or stardust.

Last show: jersey shore family vacation. (SAMMI? COMING BACK??)

Craving: i really want cheese fries.

What are you wearing right now: a wrestling is gay shirt and donky kong pants.

How tall are you: 5 foot 5 exactly.

Piercings: None!

Tattoos: a few -- a matching flower bouquet with my SIL on my arm, a peridot gem to go with my friends lapis gem (in this house we stan steven universe), a hand holding planets on my inner arm, a D20 with death and live saves under it, and the love tattoo lil peep had written on his stomach, on my wrist. i want so many more.

Glasses/contacts: i need glasses, but apparently, it costs an insane amount to see normally 🤧

Last thing you ate: currently in love with these everything bagel pita chips. 

Favourite colour: pastels and straight black. there’s no inbetween. 

Current obsession: i’m really big into dolls. monster high forever & always. rainbow high has caught my attention recently!

Any pets: 3! a ball python named asmodeus, a leopard gecko named tiamat, and a black cat named meep.

Favourite fictional character: i have no idea. handsome jack is deff one of them. draculaura is another.

Last place you traveled: i went to NY for a wedding a few months ago.

this was fun !! i never really talk about myself, haha. i'm a shy and anti social creature, i am tagging you all awkwardly and lovingly

@hellgirl-ix @akitasimblr @a-sims-garden @crsentfairy

[jaysficarchive]

The Picture of Monochrome

Chapter 2: Beneath the Mask

Two months after Francis's tragic death, Mona is trying to pick up the pieces of her life when she commits a heinous act: stealing from her in-laws. She tries to stop herself, but never has she felt so alive and bold in years.

Taglist: @floof-ghostie @calciumcryptid @jasontoddssuper @honeysgalaxy @elflynns-horde-of-stuff @peachyblkdemonslayer

A pair of jade eyes watched as the remaining lights in the mansion went out. Once all was dark, they donned a mask and slung a bag over their shoulder. They then made their way over to the manor.

Spotting an open window, the figure climbed in, landing in a sitting room of sorts. Noticing the painting on the small, they pulled out a forgery. Carefully, they removed the genuine from the wall and gently placed the fake in its place.

As they snuck into the hallway, they stole any artwork--paintings, vases, sculptures--out of the other rooms before swiftly replacing them.

Finally, they stopped at the art room. Before their eyes was a picture of Black people dressed in fancy clothes with expensive jewelry on their ears, necks, and wrists.

"Enoch Baptiste's Black Elite. What are you doing here in this bloodclaat's home?" They asked as they pulled out a spray bottle.

Rays of red lasers appeared through the mjst. But it didn't faze the burglar. Instead, they stealthily made their way through the lasers. Handstands, flips, and other gymnastic moves. Once at their destination, they deactivated the alarms.

They then turned their attention to the paintings on the wall. For people who looked down on artists, they sure loved having expensive art in their homes.

"Such beautiful paintings owned by such disgraceful people," the burglar said while pulling out a scanner. The device flashed a light, meaning the painting had a tracking chip.

"A tracking chip? How cute." The thief then pulled out a chip disrupter and aimed it at the tracker. Afterward, the thief took the painting down and carefully placed it in the bag. She then pulled out a replacement for the Black Elite.

However, it wasn't a duplicate.

"In recent news, someone broke into the home of former Gotham D.A. Felix Beauvais and left an ominous painting-"

Mona Lisa changed the channel to her usual soap opera programming. She wasn't in the mood to hear Felix bitch and moan when she had more pressing matters to tend to. He was too foolish to even recognize the rest of his precious property was stolen.

"Here you go, madame." Salome handed her a glass of water. "Hopefully the morning sickness won't be too bad in the coming months."

Mona took the glass and downed it in seconds. Was this how her own mother felt when she was pregnant with her? Morning sickness was like she was being beat up by an invisible entity when she least expected it. Not to mention the weird cravings. Last night's dinner was a cream cheese bagel with baked salmon and brocoli.

And who could forget the mood swings? Mona prayed her mother didn't listen to the heated voicemail she left her about dogs of all things.

"Thank you, Salome. Your help is really appreciated in these times."

Salome bowed then walked off to tend to the rest of the house.

Mona almost collapsed onto the bed when she went into her room. The morning was still early, which meant plenty of time to relax before getting ready for work. As she rested, her mind raced with thoughts.

What am I gonna do with the paintings?

It was true that she broke in Felix's house and stole his "prized" paintings. But now what was she going to do with them? They were very good quality, probably bought from the artists themselves.

I think I'll keep Black Elite for myself. It was Francis's favorite.

Unzipping the bag, she pulled out the famed painting then placed it in a secret compartment behind the bookshelf. As for the rest of the paintings, she'd probably sell them. But to whom was the question?

It was something to think about later. For now, she had to get ready for work.

"1, 2. And a 1, 2, 3!"

Mona played the piano as her dancers, twins Halle and Mamie, moved to the music. Usually her music videos didn't have dancing since her main genres were jazz and R&B. Still, it felt good to have a change of pace every one in a while.

"Mrs. Beauvais, you have a visitor," her assistant stated.

Mona walked off the set towards her assistant and followed her down the hall. They stopped in front of a room.

"In here, ma'am."

"Thank you." Mona opened the door to see a group of well-dressed Italian men sitting at the table. One of the men had a big, fat cigar in his mouth.

"You must be Mona Lisa," he said without looking up at her.

"I am." Mona took a seat across from him and his group. "And you are?"

"Name's Jimmy. Jimmy Calhoun," Jimmy replied. It amazed her how he could speak with the cigar hanging off his lips. "First, I just wanna say my condolences. It must be hard losing your husband at such a young age in such a manner. While I wasn't particularly fond of Mr. Beauvais, I did want him to grow old."

Memories of the funeral flooded back into Mona's mind. Even though it's been only two months, the wounds were still fresh. "Thank you, Mr. Calhoun."

"With that being said, I have an offer to make you." Calhoun finally looked up at her. "My wife's a huge fan of yours. Listens to every song, been to the concerts. The whole nine yards."

Learning Calhoun's wife was a fan brought a small sense of comfort to Mona. "Tell her that I appreciate the support."

"Actually, you can tell her that yourself."

Mona raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"My wife's birthday is coming up and I want you to perform at it. You and your dancers," Calhoun revealed. One of his men then pulled an envelope out his jacket and slid it towards Mona.

"You could use some extra money in your pocket. Stars like you don't get far in this city, which is a shame."

Mona agreed with Calhoun. Gotham high society was where the businessmen, politicians, and lawyers ruled. Celebrities weren't as respected. Not to mention she's been out of the public eye for a while due to a long period of mourning.

"How much will you pay me?"

"Name your price and I'll have it." Calhoun pulled out his checkbook.

"Think you can pay me three hundred million?" Mona crossed her arms. She knew it wasn't right to test someone like Calhoun, but she was feeling strangely confident today. Besides, the money would be used to pay her staff and fund her...extracurricular activities.

Just as quickly as he pulled it out, he put his signature and the amount on it. "I can do that. Will that be all, Mrs. Beauvais?"

Mona tapped her finger on her arm. He doesn't look like the kind of guy who'd be big on having paintings on his home, but it's worth a shot. "Would you mind if I bring some...wares?"

Calhoun's eyebrow raised. "Wares?"

Mona nodded. She wanted to keep it a mystery until the day of the party.

"Alright. You can bring them." Calhoun replied. "Does this mean we have a deal?"

Mona nodded and shook Calhoun's hand. As she stood up, she asked him, "Will you keep your word, Mr. Calhoun?"

"Of course. I'm a man of my word, Mrs. Beauvais. Breaking deals like this is bad for business."

Mona walked back to the set to deliver the news to Halle and Mamie. "We've been invited to a party for the wife of a man named Jimmy Calhoun," Mona explained, showing them the invitation. "He wants me to bring you two."

"Really?!" Halle bounced with excitement. She was the darker skinned of the twins with short red hair.

Mamie, cool and calm as always, had brown skin and white hair. "How much did he pay you?"

"Three hundred million," Mona replied. "The party is tomorrow night, so make sure you have your routine memorized."

The twins nodded before walking off to discuss the news amongst themselves. As for Mona, she had some other work to attend to.

Mona's eyes looked around as her car entered the parking lot to the garage. Salome tightly held onto the wheel. Part of her wanted to ask if her mistress lost her mind; but kept it to herself.

"Are you sure this is the place, mistress?"

"I'm sure. Is the gun still in here?"

Salome opened the glove compartment to reveal a gun inside, which Mona gave an approving nod to. "Please take it with you, mistress. You never know what these Arkham types are capable of."

"You're the one who needs it, Salome. I'll be fine." Mona grabbed the duffel bag as she got out the car. She made her way to the garage, knocking on it three times with a minute between each knock. It took a bit but the wait was worth it once the garage door was lifted up by a burly, bespectacled man.

"Mona Lisa."

"Adonis."

Adonis made way for Mona to come inside before giving a reassuring nod for Salome to pull the car inside. He then turned his attention back to the artist.

"Here for some new tech, I suppose?"

"Yes. Do you have anything new?" Mona put her hands on her hips.

"Follow me." Adonis walked over to a shelf and pressed a button. It lifted up to reveal an elevator underneath. Adonis, Mona, and Salome boarded on and waited as they descended underneath the garage.

"Such an inconspicuous place for a hideout." Mona looked around. "I would've never guessed this was where you got up to evil."

"No one did. Not even Gotham PD or Batman."

Adonis walked off once the elevator reached the first floor. On the walls were gadgets and tools of all shapes and sizes. Mona's eyes immediately fell on a tabletop littered with gadgets.

"Are those mine?"

"Yep." Adonis walked over and picked up a remote. When he pressed a button, several small robots out a box. Mona nodded, impressed. "What is it and how much is it?"

"This is a device that releases little robots that can dislodge and cut any frame of any material. Makes it easier to take the art without having to take the whole damn thing." Adonis's voice was proud and confident in his work. "It'll cost a pretty penny if you want it."

I knew it, Mona reached into the duffel bag and pulled out a jade vase. She knew she struck gold when she saw Adonis's eyes widen. "Will this be sufficient payment?"

Salome gasped. "Isn't that-"

"Hell yeah it will. Is that authentic jade?" Adonis held the vase in his hands, examining it closely.

"Wi." Mona smirked.

"Hell, you can take everything off the table!" He couldn't take his eyes off the vase. In his days as the villain Cybermaster, he only hacked into top secret files and sold them to the highest bidder. He didn't really use the money he earned from his schemes to buy anything luxurious. "How'd you get this?"

"Let's just say, Mr. Felix and Mrs. Helene Beauvais won't be needing that or any of their other art anymore." It honestly shocked Mona that she spoke so proudly of her crime. She broke into her in-laws' house! That wasn't something to be proud of!

Why am I talking like this? I've never stolen anything a day in my life...

"Keep up the good work. Knowing those two, they probably aren't worried that their stuff was stolen."

"They won't be for a very long time." A confidence that never existed suddenly surged inside her. Why did she feel so...so bold to talk about these things? It wasn't how her mother raised her... "I replaced most of their art with forgeries. All except for one."

Both Salome and Adonis raised an eyebrow.

"Enoch Baptiste's Black Elite. Instead, I replaced it with an original artpiece to let those fuckers know they're not safe."

You're horrible! You're a monster! Francis wouldn't have wanted this!

"What...what will you do with it, madame?" Salome asked in a hushed tone.

"Keep it, obviously. As a momento to my dearest Francis." Don't you dare mention his name, criminal! "Now if we are done here, I'd like to get back home and practice for an event tomorrow night."

"Go ahead. Take it all." Adonis went back to the vase. "This is one hell of a payment."

Satisfied, Mona placed the tools in the bag before walking back to the elevator. Salome, still shocked by the revelation that her mistress broke into the elder Beauvais's estate and left that painting, followed behind her.

"Mistress...why?" she asked. But Mona couldn't hear her. Too high on the boldness she'd suddenly gotten.

When Mona arrived home, she made a beeline straight to her piano. It was a miracle that it was able to still be hers. Her fingers ran along the keys, bringing her joy. The piano was a wedding gift from Francis. One that Mona appreciated greatly.

Francis...

A pit formed in her stomach as she recalled what was said in Adonis's garage. The realization of what she'd just admitted to seeped in as a sharp, horrified gasp left her mouth.

Her knees became weak. How could she have admitted such sins with carelessness? Had the Devil possessed her?

She was horrible-- a horrible wife, a horrible widow, and a horrible mother to be.

What have I done?! I've lowered myself to the level of criminals! Tears forming in her eyes, she ran to her bedroom. Mona threw open her closet doors and pulled out the suit and mask worn on that fateful night. They'd made become an entirely different person. The fact the wares she talked to Calhoun about were the stolen goods from her in-laws made her sick. And what of her unborn child? What would the other children say about her child having a thief for a mother?

She threw the costume into the flames of the fireplace. When she went to reach for the mask, her hands shook.

What are you doing, Mona Lisa? Why are you destroying your art?

"This isn't my art!"

Yes it is. You made those forgeries to protect your art; yet you didn't do the same for Felix and Helene? Why is that?

"I...I have to give these back-" Mona fell to her knees as she threw up. Why did trying to do the right thing repulse her? Her eyes then trailed up to the mask.

Think about it, Mona! This world has left you with nothing!

"It...it hasn't-"

It has! You've heard it many times! Now that Francis is gone, you have nothing left!

"That's not true! I still have my music! My true art!"

Really? What will those get you? You may have the fame and fortune, but you don't have the power! Power is what makes Gotham run! That's what being with Francis gave you!

"I loved him for who he was! Not for power!"

That I did, but I can't deny the high I got from what being in his circles offered me. I never talked the way I do now. Before, I was a wallflower. A doormat. Now, I've become a queen.

"I..."

Do I think I'd ever let Felix, or Helene, or any of those useless sons of Beauvais bitches go? After everything they did to me?! To Francis?!

Anger took over Mona as she remembered everything the Beauvais family put her through. How they never spared a moment to tear her down. Their remarks about her upbringing and career. The constant undermining of her marriage to Francis. Felix and Helene stealing her money and her home was the last straw.

"No."

Exactly. Do you see how they made Francis's funeral all about themselves? How they had no regard for an honest, honorable man who lost his life?!

Mona's body trembled with rage. She remembered the nasty glares Felix and Helene gave her when she walked beside them to take Francis to his final resting place. How they allowed everyone else to go before her to pay their respects and say their last goodbyes.

"No! They didn't even care that he'd been killed!"

So why should I care about stealing from them? Or anyone from that matter? If anything, it's payback for everything they've done to me.

"No weapon raised against me shall prosper. And if it tries to, then I'll take everything it loves and never look back."

Then stand up, Mona Lisa. Become who you were always destined to be. Show them your art is nothing to be disregarded. Rise, Monochrome!

Pulling out her needles, pins, and fabrics, Mona got to work making a new costume for herself. She wouldn't fight it anymore. If the world wanted her to become a villain, then a villain she'd become. The old Mona Lisa Beauvais died with Francis.

She held the mask--the key to her new self--in her hands. Sliding it on her head made her feel brand new, fresh. Alive after living death for two months.

The world would know Monochrome. And as long as she was alive, nothing was safe from her clutches.

[ghost-proofbaby]

i have a sudden intense craving for pizza rolls and i really don’t even like pizza roller that much i like pizza bagels

am i gregnant?

AM I GREGNANT I-

listen now i’m craving pizza rolls but i have to agree… pizza bagels are superior

[justoutsideofdoncaster]

23:19 08/01/25

Blog #13

Diet Plan. I don't want to call it that because that suggests a start and an end. It suggests restrictions and challenges and abnormalities. I just want to eat normal. This is about training my body and getting rid of my addictions to sugar. Changing my outlook and cravings.

Skip breakfasts on days without early lectures. This should be Saturday to Tuesday. Otherwise:

Small porridge portion + banana

Small portion raisin bran

Scrambled eggs + tomatoes

Water !!

Never:

Sugary cereals, large portions

Bread, bagels, cheese, butter

Breakfast always makes me feel sick in the morning. I usually naturally get hungry around 1 pm. This is why it's important to pack lunches if I'm in the studio, so I can get lots of work done. If at home, wait until at least 2pm to eat lunch. It needs to be a filling meal with protein, but not constantly lots of carbs like bread and pasta. I think I should make a rule where I can only have a sandwich meal twice a week, and pasta twice a week, as they are both filling which can be good when avoiding a binge or b/p.

Lunch:

Salads

Soup

Veggie sticks + dips

Boiled egg

Stir fry

Monster + sugar free pop

Noodles + scrambled egg

Fruit fruit fruit !!

Protein yoghurt

Green tea

Avocado

Wraps

Water !!

I am on the fence about whether to eat tuna. I want to be vegetarian. I also want to be healthy. If I'm going to do this I need protein and tuna is a really good source, also great in salads and pasta... I don't know. I know I'm not single handedly destroying the ocean by eating fish but it feels bad. 'Sustainably fished' is bs. Bah! I don't know! Maybe one can a month of something like that. Either way I'm trying protein shakes first. Hopefully that works.

Tea:

Veggie curry

Pasta

Soups + homemade broths

Homemade fries

Protein shake

Water !!

This is usually when shit hits the fan. I have tea, and then I snack, and then I snack more, and then I have the breakfast I skipped that morning. And then I go to bed feeling like shit, promising to st*rve myself tomorrow to make up for it. Grow the fck up please. (This is why fasting trackers are so good.)

Snacks/desserts:

Veggie sticks + hummus

Tea (try green tea, if it's gross stick to red lol)

Fruit !!!

Low cal protein bars

Water + chewing gum (classic)

Frozen yoghurt + low cal sorbet

Zero cal fizzy pop

Ice lollies

Small hot chocolates (instant)

I am now excited to go to uni. The hardest part of my day is just getting out of bed. So get a grip. That's the hardest part. I'm so unbelievable privileged I've found a way to struggle at that. Stay busy. Eat well. Exercise. Make time for your hobbies. Get outside. Get off your phone. Go to sleep early, wake up early. It's that simple!! Yay!!

I'm so excited for my life, I'm starting it tomorrow!!

[tracking-these-wolves]

Blog #2 --- October 19th, 2024

I'm baaccck! I'm so happy I remembered to write here.

Today, I got my nose pierced! With the boy (I'll call him Otter, since he basically is one) lol. It was so much fun --- I was a little nervous it might be awkward, but honestly, we had a blast!

I started my day by walking to the barn to give Inka his meds and retrieve my bike. It was really cold today, so my hands were pretty numb when I got back. Then, I went to a bagel place to pick up sandwiches for Otter and I. Then, I popped into Trader Joe's to pick up a protein shake that I've been craving (I'm on my period, so it's been a little rough). I don't know why I was craving the protein shake --- it's.... not very good lol.

Then, I went back and changed quickly. I met Otter by my car -- we hugged, and he had brought me a bagel with cream cheese! We laughed a little about how we both got each other food, and then hopped in the car. We had a lot of fun talking and joking around. The conversation flows really easy with him, and honestly? I think I like being friends more than I liked dating him. There was this pressure removed --- this pressure of wondering if he still liked me romantically, or if I looked pretty, or if I was saying the right thing. Not dating him just... Made it easy. I think I'm going to start as friends with potential love interests from now on.

Anyways. After a little detour to follow the river, we got to my piercing appointment in MP. We walked in, and my pierce-er got me set up. His name was Ari, and he was super friendly --- and very sweet! I was really, really nervous though. I don't remember much of the appointment, but Otter said that I was being really funny. I'm so happy I can make him laugh. When I make people laugh, it makes me feel good.

After that, we walked around town a bit. We went to a super cute record store (I'm considering getting a record player now... and a cd player lol), then to the rock store. I got us pendants! Mine has a unicorn on it. I like it a lot. We then went to a bookstore, where we talked a lot about kids and how we both love/want them, and then about the books we read as a kid. We then went to a bookstore, where Otter saw a book he really liked, but it was $32... I learned later that he was going to cop it, but didn't want me to frown on him. I laughed at him, because I wouldn't have given a shit. I honestly would have encouraged it. Anyways, at least now he knows haha.

We sat in a graveyard for a bit, where I tried to teach him how to loon call. He got a few hoots! Very proud of him. We then went and had lunch at a Napal/Indonesian place, where we watched people try to parallel park and talked about our past relationships and what went wrong with them. He got pork chow mien and I got chicken momos --- both very good! After this, we went to NBNC and walked around for a while. We found a cool bench, he harvested some flowers, and we just talked in general.

We were talking about something I had said at the piercing shop --- I had started talking about my IUD (I was so out of it) and I half-jokingly told him he should have told me to shut up. He laughed, but shot back that he would never do that. I almost cried lmao. The amount of times that I've been told to shut up, or that I'm annoying, or this that and the other by people who were supposed to be my friends is (as I'm realizing) not... Healthy. It was kinda funny. I just had a moment of realization that I shouldn't have been told those things, and that I am okay --- I don't need to feel bad about being talkative or anything. I'm okay, I'm not annoying. I might cry just thinking about it.

That came at a good time, because the past couple weeks the things one of my closer friends (we'll call him Fox) has said to me had been weighing on me. Sometimes, when Fox gets jealous of me, he has a tendency to snap and say something really mean. A few examples would be when I made a joke (and added onto it in my head) and he snapped that "you aren't as funny as you think you are". Another time, he told me I was being annoying, and another time that I could apologize 1,000 times and it still wouldn't make up for how stupid I am. Along with this, there's always some little comment (at least once a week) where he calls me stupid/idiotic, airheaded, etc. It makes me really sad, because he knows that I'm sensitive about these things. But it's okay. I think I trust Otter's judgement more.

Anyways, then we drove back -- we listened to some great music, oo'd and aw'd over the mountains, and yapped more. When we got back, I came to his room while he gathered some supplies (he was going to meet some friends). I flopped on the floor and he gathered his things. I asked for some ibuprofin, and when he said sure, I said 'I love you'. Didn't mean to, but I've never been able to hide when I love someone (and no, not romantically --- I'm not my ex LMAO. Maybe one day I'll add the context to this blog, but I know what I mean). I'm so happy that he's my friend. He's so awesome, and apparently might also be switching into the education program? I think he'd make an incredible teacher.

Then, we went to Lowe's (where he snagged some firewood for free --- good for him), and then I helped him carry his stuff to the beach where he was meeting his friends. We said our goodbyes, and I came home to clean my septum. It was a GREAT day. I can't tell you how many beautiful trees we saw, and we got to pet three dogs, and see so many adorable kids. It was truly one of the best days ever.

I'm really tired, but I'm going to crochet.