#i am now 100 % convinced that they're fucking

[acetonitril]

Zusammenfassung von Der Mann, der in den Dschungel fiel:

Mirko und Alberich, Opfer toxischer Männlichkeit, lösen zusammen den Fall. Boerne und Thiel überkommen unterdessen ihre toxische Männlichkeit und stehen endlich öffentlich zu ihrer Beziehung

[ssaalexblake]

now if we wanna talk about something i’ve thought about and decided to be cynical over, we have stp s3 :/ 

[beatrixstonehill2]

"What is up, my beautiful people? Madison here, notice anything different? I'm sure you did.... yes my voice is deeper. Bet you can probably guess why. The speculation on discord was 100% right, I'm detransitioning! Woot! My roommates convinced me. We were all showering together and, like, they said my boobs are really pretty but they're right, it's pathetic that I only have a three-inch cock. They tried to suck me off for fun but all that estrogen made it so flaccid they could barely help me get it up. They asked me if I ever thought about detransing and stop pretending to be a girl. They showed me lots of detrans videos and it really changed my mind.

Like I totally get it now that I'm just a boy who fantasizes about being a big-titted slut. Like all my opinions on how girls should behave come from porn, basically. I'm just acting how I wish girls would act! So, I feel kind of silly living 'as a girl' for so long. Like I can't even get my cock hard. It's great I forced my male body to grow a set of Hentai tits any normal girl would reduce in a heartbeat but I basically can't even cum because of my estrogen addiction? Enough's enough. I'm so happy my roommates brought me to my senses and convinced me to detrans! I know, I've been dropping some big hints in the Discord, like asking how much T a trans girl should take if she wanted a really big cock and didn't mind going through male puberty. Some of you thought I was just trying to get a big dick but a lot of you knew what was up.....

Sorry to anyone who really loved my girly content, try-on hauls, bikini vids, my many dancing and bouncing vids, and of course all the vids of me getting ass fucked at the club, usually in the men's room, fittingly enough. So my roommates have laid out a masculinization plan for me! No shaving at all from now on, especially once my facial hair and chest hair come in. No masturbating, no matter how horny I am, I have to fuck real girls and not just fakegirls/femboys. I having to work out and take this protein weight gainer stuff they bought me, so I bulk up. I have to throw out my girl clothes and make up starting today and only wear boy clothes. I have to keep my hair short. Any girls I see with big tits, a fat ass, or a big pregnant belly, I have to catcall and compliment, or just hit on them and make a lewd remark. If they get disgusted or slap me: good! I'm a man, I need to start being honest about how horny and perverted I am. I need to grope and touch at least ten women a day. I'm allowed to pump my cock like I'm jerking off but only if a girl can see me do it like I'm jerking of to them, but I'm not allowed to cum unless it's in a girl's mouth, her tits (but only if she's tit fucking me), her pussy or ass.

Unsurprisingly my roomates also expect me to get them pregnant once my sperm count returns to normal, saying I 'owe them' for having to watch a perverted boy with estrogen-fattened man boobs strut around all day in dresses and bikinis. Not a bad trade, but I can only imagine how needy they'll be once I'm totally detransed. Oh, and last but not least my breasts are getting removed live, right here on TikTok tomorrow morning! So if you ever wanted to see my big jiggly boy tits get mangled and chopped off by my roommates, who are both med students with a pretty good track record doing surgeries like this. They gave each other breast reductions last year, going from a G-cup and a JJ-cup to an A and B cup! So I trust they'll get my big fat tits off in a jiffy. I'll miss them, but I have to remember that's just my pervy boy brain wishing I was groping a big pair of tits, not that I actually want to have a pair myself! And soon enough I'll be fucking big-breasted sluts all around town like the man I'm meant to be! Can't wait! ❤️"

[glisten-inthedark]

The Experiment | Part 2

In case y'all missed it, I asked one of my best friends to watch Stranger Things and here's what she had to say about season 1 and 2 .

Now, here's the updated version of season 3 that she finished so fucking fast and I felt guilty because she told me didn't sleep because she was desperate for answers, my sweet summer child.

This time around she'd update me as she watched the episodes and needless to say I woke up today with way too many messages

She's 100% convinced that Mike is gay because she said and I quote: "What teenage boy takes off the hands of his girlfriend like he did?".She also said that Mike should remember that friendships are important too, she doesn't understand why he's avoiding his friends and focusing too much on El.

She loves Max Mayfield BTW (again, sweet summer child). She 100% agrees that El needs to learn how to be herself without the influence of others.

She said that the biggest problem she has with Mike and El is that El didn't even know what a friend was the first season, how can se be in a relationship? However, she does think that if Mike learns how to listen to her they might work it out but she's not sure they should. "Ok I guess they're not going to work it after all" says her after their break up. Also, she was like: "shouldn't he be more upset about this?

In comes the rain fight scene and I think the conversation deserves to be in a mural somewhere. This is what she said and I apologize for the language and for how she talks about Mike but this deserves to be translated in it's entirety because her rant was epic.

"Why. The. Fuck. Was Mike being such an ass?! He used to be so sweet to Will and now he's treating him like this? Hell nah! Like, I get that he wants to spend time with his girlfriend and that's fine, but that doesn't mean he gets to treat Will like this!

And who the fuck said anything about Will not liking girls? Will didn't! So why the fuck would Mike say this completely unprovoked? Like, this is the kind of shit Will's bullies would say! I don't know who the fuck this Mike is, but it's definitely not the kid from last season.

"Oh se he goes to apologize to Will but doesn't apologize to El?" She asked me after she calmed down from her seething rage. "Inch teresting"

"Oh boy, Billy is gonna die. Am I supposed to want him not to?".

"How the fuck did Soviet Union manage to build this entire lab underground without anyone noticing? And this is I'm thr hight of cold war too, makes no sense but what do I know?"

She absolutely adores Robin, she thinks she and Steve will get together.

"Am I supposed to feel bad for Billy?" Needless to say, she doesn't like Billy.

"What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Watching?" She asked during the people turning into slush scene.

"Oh. So I guess Robin and Steve won't get together after all" lmao I laughed.

"Oh they do want me to feel sorry for Billy, huh"

She had a mental breakdown over Hop's "death". She sent an invoice crying and cursing me for bribing her into watching the show.

She also noticed how unresponsive Mike acted after El told him she loved him and was like: "is this boy ok? Like, I'm sorry Bia (my nickname) but you're telling me he just stood there with his eyes opened while she declared her love and kissed him? Am I watching this right? Answer me dammit!" (She was angry when I refused to tell her anything lmao).

Now, bare in mind that I haven't told her about Byler at all, didn't even tell her I ship it because I wanted her to be as unbiased as possible. She told me she had thoughts/theories and I told them to share them even after she claimed she didn't think she was right.

This bellow are her thoughts and hers alone, translated from Brazilian Portuguese to English.

"I just feel like Hop's letter is telling us something about Mike, maybe? Like, how he's afraid of change, of confronting his feelings, maybe? Like, I know you won't tell me, but I don't think this scene is about El leaving at all, I think it's about Will leaving.

"But I have a theory? I don't know, but the scene parallels the scene from when they find Will's body, right? But he comes home and holds his mom and I think this when he realized he has feelings for Will? Maybe? Or at the very least he realized he isn't straight.

" I didn't think Will was gay until I saw his reaction to what Mike said, and I think Will felt that he was stupid for believing that Mike cared for him at all. He destroyed the castle because he lost his childhood, he lost everything when he wasn't even looking, and I also think he called himself stupid because he thinks it was stupid of him to hope Mike could ever think of Will that way.

"I don't think Mike truly loves El, and he's coming to terms with the reason why he doesn't"

She then begged me for information which I refused to give her, obviously. But this is part 2. Now onto the last season *laughs maniacally *

[joyful-soul-collector]

Eclectic Ensemble

Pairing: Steven Grant, Marc Spector, and Jake Lockley x gn!reader (reader wears slightly more masculine clothing but other than that it's pretty neutral)

Summary: Reader decides they're going to ask the moon boys out on a date. Things do not go perfectly to plan

Tags: SFW, asking out, neighbors to lovers (is that a tag??), swearing, uhhh reader is a major fucking dork who talks to their cat like it can understand them, no TWs it's all fluff

Wordcount: 1288

Read on Ao3

You couldn’t figure out why you couldn’t stop thinking about him. You’d had crushes before, and those were tolerable, you would daydream, but you’d snap back to reality at some point, and go about your day like normal. 

With the man across the hall though… that was something else entirely. 

You tried to convince yourself it was just the mystery of him, the fact that he seemed to have three different accents depending on the day, how one day he’d be cheerful and awkward while the other he’d be suave or stand-offish or nervous. 

But you couldn’t convince yourself of that, because even after he explained to you that he had DID and was not in fact a method actor of some kind, you still found yourself fascinated by him despite the mystery being solved. 

Fascinated by all three of them honestly. 

You’d talked to each of them in the hall before, learned things about them, even visited Steven at the museum a couple days ago. That’s what started it honestly, you’d chatted for hours after he got off work, each of them periodically switching out to have turns to speak with you. Sitting next to them by the fountain, rambling on about anything and everything as the sky grew darker and darker, it was the most fun you’d had in ages. And by the end of the night, with the way you couldn’t seem to shake the thoughts of them, you’d think you were in love with all three of them.

Which is also part of the reason you were so nervous to be doing this. 

You folded the collar of your dress shirt down, sighing at your reflection in the mirror on your closet door. 

“What do you think? Too much?” You turned to look at your cat, who was sitting on your desk, not at all minding that she was wrinkling all your papers. She stared at you for a moment, then licked her paw. “Yeah. Too much.”

There’s no way they’ll say yes, you thought as you unbuttoned your shirt. Even if one of them likes me back, what’re the chances the other two will be willing to date me if they don’t like me? Even lower chances that two of them will be interested, and definitely not all three of them. This is such an awful idea, why the hell am I doing this?

As you were undoing the third button you heard someone walking down the hall outside your front door. Normally this wouldn’t be cause for alarm, but you recognized the voice drawing closer and closer. 

“Yeah, I know it’s your turn to choose dinner tonight, but I’m just saying, could you maybe not go wild with the hot sauce this time? You always do that and then leave me and Steven to deal with the stomachache after--”

A voice speaking in Spanish cut him off, and you would’ve started laughing if the panic hadn’t seized you right in that moment. 

They weren’t supposed to be home this early! You were supposed to have another hour to get ready, to rehearse what you wanted to say, to work up enough courage!

You didn’t even stop to think about what you were doing because you could hear them getting out their keys, and if you didn’t do it now you weren’t sure you ever would. So you sprinted to your front door and flung it open. 

There stood the man you’d been waiting for. It was clear that Steven was the one who dressed them that day, wearing his oversized clothes, but the perpetually frowning face 100% belonged to Marc right now. He glanced over his shoulder at you. 

“Oh, hey Y/N! How’re y--” He cut off as he fully turned around to see you, and it was only then that you remembered exactly what you were wearing. 

Not only was your shirt halfway unbuttoned, but you were wearing a rather old tank top underneath it, your bedhead was not the hot kind, you didn’t have any shoes or socks on, and of course, you were wearing a pair of fluffy blue pajama pants covered in cat fur. 

Marc was clearly trying not to smile, but it wasn’t working very well, and for a moment you were glad for it, as Marc seemed to smile the least out of the three. 

“I uh--Well I--Okay I was going to ask you something,” you said with an embarrassed laugh, running a hand through your hair as a nervous habit, but also just to try and get it under control a bit. “But just--Just hang on, lemme put on actual clothes--”

“Pfft, you’re fine, we don’t care about that, you should see the things Marc tries to make us go out in some days,” Jake said, his Spanish accent replacing Marc’s American one. “He would wear pajamas to work if me and Steven didn’t stop him. Go head, what’s up?”

You stared at him for a second, and in that moment you remembered exactly why you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about them. 

Because no matter who was talking to you, each of them had that same soft look in their eye. The one that made you feel instantly better after an awful day, that made you smile when you were worried, that made you feel like you could be yourself in a way no one else did.

The one that didn’t care at all how disheveled you looked right now, only about the question you wanted to ask him. 

“Do you wanna go out sometime? Maybe for coffee?” you said. Jake blinked, and immediately his demeanor changed, his head tilting to the side as fidgety fingers rose up to touch the strap of his bag. 

“You mean, like a date?” Steven said in his British accent. “You’re asking us out? All of us?”

You nodded and suddenly felt like looking anywhere but at their face, running a hand nervously through your hair again. 

“You uh, you guys can think about it of course, you don’t have to answer right--”

“We’d love to,” Steven interrupted. You looked up to find him smiling brightly at you, the excitement so evident in him he practically glowed. 

“Really? ‘We’ as in, all three of you?”

“Yes, yeah, er, well we've been meaning to for a while really, we wanted to ask you at the fountain the other day but… I dunno, we weren’t sure you liked any of us that way, much less all three of us.”

You gave a small laugh and leaned your arm up on the door frame, shaking your head. 

“I honestly don’t know how I couldn’t like all three of you. Really it’s a surprise that all three of you like me.”

You gestured pointedly to your rather comical outfit, and Steven laughed. 

“I dunno,” he said, tilting his head and gazing at your eclectic ensemble. “It’s kind of cute, in a messy sort of way. Jake and Marc think so too.”

“Oh? Well maybe I’ll wear this on our date then.”

He laughed again, and you chatted for a few more minutes, long enough to set up a coffee date for Sunday, before Jake said he needed to get started on dinner (much to Steven and Marc’s annoyance). 

Once you were back on your flat with the door closed behind you, you punched the air with triumph, letting out a laugh of both relief and excitement. 

“YES, yes yes yes! Fuck yeah!” 

Your cat stared at you with her head cocked as you did a victory lap around your living room, before returning to licking her fur, and you liked to imagine she silently believed in you all along. 

THE END

If you made it this far, congratulations, you have read the first x reader fic I have ever written lol. Lemme know what you think, I hope you enjoyed!

[velvetvexations]

This Warless Weekend...I accidentally broke the one rule of Warless Weekend sending "Maya Henry is in fact a trans woman lol" to a TERF. Sigh. Forgive me, Velvet Nation.

The post was discovered because I was once again going through radblr looking for screenshots to prove beyond the shadow of the doubt that radfems hate even cis men, let alone trans men. It's going to be a multi-day affair because I want to include so many examples that when you click "read more" it'll be like unraveling an ancient scroll that drops to the floor and rolls down several flights of stairs in a cartoon.

I've also been debating a radfem who's not...the TERFiest? Hard to classify someone who thinks private spaces should be sex-segregated for now but corrects anons who misgender me and believes radfems shouldn't be so hostile to trans women* because they're "allies of the feminist revolution." My only concern is that my (mostly AFAB trans!) followers would see me interacting with someone who has those radfemmy beliefs in a way that isn't pure hostility and be made to feel unsafe as a result. I have no illusions that his radical feminist beliefs are harmful. But am I being too nice, regardless? I've been personally convinced he sincerely holds beliefs that makes other radfems hate him, thus the anon he got misgendering me and saying he should stop talking to me because I'm a homophobe.** Sometimes good people get praxis wrong.

And TRFs will say "ooh, look at Velvet, being courteous to people who self-identify as radfems, she'd never do that for transfems she slanders as TRFs." First of all, I think a lot of non-transfems are TRFs. Secondly, I do do that for TRFs, all the fucking time! As with anyone else when they're not just horribly cruel I do actually go to extreme lengths to be polite, approaching them as a submissive doormat of a person, offering the most politely worded but in-depth critique of their bullshit you could possibly imagine. I've started several posts of such a nature with "please take this in good faith" and at least once I've DM'd someone after reblogging them to go the extra mile assuring them I'm not trying to take a swing at them.

I think talking to people is good and healthy and should be encouraged, idk. That doesn't go for someone who thinks all trans women are monsters who want to abuse Trve Wymbyn, or that all trans men are deluded victims/fetishisers of cis gay men/escaping into privilege.*** Most radfems, like outright conservatives, are 100% bugfuck evil and do not deserve anything other than mockery and scorn. But if there's a chance you might be able to connect with an intellectually and morally honest person who seems to be going for what they truly believe is best for everyone...I think you should go for it.

I desperately want to believe people when it seems like they're really honestly trying out of sincere moral impulses and are truly capable of treating others with respect rather than it being an enemy psyop. I'm trying to not let my fear of being gullible deter me from offering my hand to people when our differences might be bridgeable.

*and other trans people, plus those who are dysphoric but do not consider themselves trans

**I believe they were referring to when I said homosexuality was also an atypical arousal pattern in response to someone pointing at a basic ass furry to say trans people were ridden with paraphilias

***I just realized how diverse the "explanations" for AFAB trans people are. With how much transphobia relies on being offensive to Trve Wymbyn you have to get creative to explain why it's also bad when one of their own contracts the mind virus and it's so obviously completely incoherent

[thebearme]

Any tf2 headcanons?

I was hoarding this ask for when I have alot of hcs but I now realize that that was an awful idea becuz now there too much going on in my brain. So I'll tell you the ones I can remember rn.

(btw this is gonna be a mess of silly and sad contention into a blender, so sorry for any whiplash)

Everyones business last name is TF2. It's canon, Ms Pauling said so.

Scout and Ms Pauling have one thing in common, they're simps for women out of their league and it's sad.

My current idea of the plot is that Ms Pauling is now the new administrator and the mercs are still working for her but now instead of a war they are now a Hire-A-Merc organization. Why, so they can pay the blood pact that the old administrator got them in from Abraham Lincoln.

The team is a merge for BLU and RED team members.

BLU: Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engineer | RED: Heavy, Demo, Spy, Sniper, Pyro

Engie has an gaming channel.

Engie is a little person. (you can't convince otherwise LOOK AT HIM)

Engie does his own surgery, not that he doesn't trust Medic. He just doesn't trust Medic. He has more trust that in his drunken state he could chop his arm off cleaner than Medic because of his god complex.

Engie says trans rights.

Engie has two moods: Wholesome bumpkin or manic "i am better than all of you".

Medic and Heavy are married. (but to be fair thats just canon)

Medic never had a medical license but he did go to school... for animal care.

Medic has a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree and lied ALOT to military when he got drafted to get out safely.

He got a nazi skeleton and dead parents out of that.

Medic burn his documents so now the only people that knows is the people he tells like Heavy.

Medic only have two reasons for being here- 1) to experiment on everyone. 2) Heavy

Medic eats like a cat eating a dragon fruit. And so does Archimedes.

Medic is the definition of "no rules no boundaries he doesn't flinch at torture and sells blood for money. He's your new best friend."

Medic is slowly going more insane with time and can't tell if it's because he sold his soul to the devil or because someone is secretly fucking with him. (it's Spy)

Heavy met Medic before joining the team.

Heavy has a cooking channel.

He's a masochist. (he has too if he's with Medic.)

Heavy will kill Soldier before he starts having kids with Zhanna. He's still not ok with him.

Heavy has lots of cute moles on him. (Medic makes sure to kiss each one and make sure they're not lethal.)

While Im at it Heavy family is cursed to fall in-love with insane men.

Pyro-vision is just Pyro going through a heat stroke.

Pyro is the leader of the hate spy club.

Pyro has kids that live in the ocean with his mermaid wife. Don't ask how, it's Pyro.

Engie and Scout are the only ones that understand what Pyro is saying completely.

Engie adopted Pyro unofficially but that's his son right there.

Soldier and Zhanna are gonna have twins.

Soldier and Demo had kiss once- with their socks on.

Medic did a blood test on Soldier and he actually is not 100% American, he doesn't know and everyone intends it to stay that way.

Soldier and Scout actually know each other from before getting hired by BLU. They were comrade in the 100,000 new men program in Vietnam.

After Scout left in general discharge from a land mine incident he thought that would be the laat time he sees him. He was wrong.

Don't worry they're chill, well as chill as man can be when their hand is somehow a magnet to your neck.

Sniper is a social smoker.

Sniper is like a lizard, he doesn't fuck with the cold.

Sniper is younger than Scout. He just spent too much time in the sun and now he looks like a divorce 40 y/o dad struggling with his mortgage. Or just a brown Adam Sandler.

Sniper got those old man bones AKA my bones. His knees be cracking down the hall.

Sniper hops round different peoples places for the holidays. He spent the most time at Engie's house with Pyro; he had spent a Christmas or two with Scout's family but a "certain someone" doesn't appreciate the bushman there and ruining his holiday with his family.

When Scout has to give directions or details of the area he just draws it. Because NO ONE understands this mans writing.

Scout's life mission is to be Gods greatest gift and not just for the women. Like the bible said "a hole is a hole"... or atleast thats what Scout remembers from church.

Scout while being illiterate CAN speak Spanish, Italian, Vietnamese and French. (but he doesn't remember where he learned french from tho.)

Scout is resistant to radiation at this point.

Before becoming a merc, Scout was working at a diner that fitted him quite well.

Waffle House at the graveyard shift.

Scout's fuckboy attitude comes from daddy issues while Spy slut attitude comes from mommy issues.

Spy came from a rich family until he ran away to help in the war effort and became a spy. He doesn't regret his decision nor miss his home but does wish he did a proper goodbye to his brother.

The reason Spy has teeth capsules in his mouth to begin with is because one time him and a his fellow spy were getting torture by the enemy by having their teeth removed. Now all his teeth are fake.

Speaking of teeth, Scout got his buck-teeth from Spy.

Spy HAS gotten lungs transplanted several times from Medic because this mf refuses to chill out and get help with his smoking problem.

Spy is gender fluid.

Spy is a furry.

Demo is going to kill him one day.

That day is when he finds his DA account.

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

[anamericangirl]

I noticed something recently. Since yesterday, I've been pointing out on liberal posts that Kamala said "Trump wanted to abolish the supreme co-… The supreme co… The supreme… … Land… of our… … … constitutional… American land." and that I think she might be retarded. And people have been replying saying she didn't say that, or that I need to prove she said that, or asking me where she said that.

Same goes for Biden when I point out his golden quotes such as "I was the vice president for Barack America"

Libs always have no idea what I'm talking about. They always demand I prove they said those quotes. When I said Hillary wanted to build a wall long before Trump did, they say she never said that, and I show them the video and they don't wanna watch it.

What I'm getting at is

Liberals don't even watch the speeches of their own candidates. They don't watch them at all! These are incredibly commonly known quotes, these are easy to find videos, these are things they say unbelievably commonly in all of their speeches and libs are always dumbfounded when you bring them up.

THEY DON'T EVEN WATCH THEIR OWN RALLIES.

If I said that Kamala said "We need to build Strength through Joy" at the DNC, which is literally a Nazi thing (google "Strength through Joy"), which she DID SAY, and Oprah Winfrey ALSO SAID IT, the libs would reply "She never said that" as though they didn't even watch the DNC at all.

It's fucking wild

They are completely uninformed, they aren't listening to their own candidates, they're voting entirely out of hate or racially fueled shit like "I want to vote for a black woman" instead of actually watching their speeches.

I've watched every single Kamala, Biden, Trump, RFK Jr, Obama, Hillary, etc. speech for every election I've been old enough to vote for because it's extremely important to me as a human being to know who I'm VOTING FOR TO BE A REPRESENTATIVE OF MY VOICE AND A LEADER TO MY GODDAMN FUCKING COUNTRY EXCUSE ME GOD

And when I bring up quotes that liberal politicians say, liberals will always demand I'm lying and demand proof, and when I give them the proof they refuse to watch it!

I am 100% convinced liberals are just white-hating racists who want slavery to make a comeback which is why they're so strongly for letting illegals into our country and giving them the right to vote and mass amnesty because the democratic party fought tooth and nail to give slaves full voting power so they could get their slaves to vote for the left wing politicians who wanted to keep slavery going because they were filthy rich under slavery, but now that slavery's been abolished they're looking for any other way they can get colored folks to vote blue hence giving them $150,000 home loans in California. 100% convinced.

Get "I study history" on, liberals. Reminder that Kamala's literally a descendant of slave owners. Liberals regularly say shit like "All white people should be killed because they're descendants of slave owners" but despite factual evidence Kamala's a descendant of slave owners, they make an exception.

Sorry liberals. But you are horrible people, you're racist, you're intentionally uninformed, you don't put a single bit of effort into reading about US history or the history of the politicians you're voting for, and you're retarded.

Liberals are the definition of low information/no information voters. They get all their news from tiktok and think they’re informed enough to vote on who is the best person to lead the country.

They have no idea how much context and information they are missing.

And at this point I think it’s largely intentional with some people because otherwise they would have to confront the fact that these liberal politicians they are putting on pedestals as the saviors of America who will restore “democracy” (another term they don’t know the meaning of) are literally everything they claim to hate.

It says a lot about them when they can pull up Trump quotes from 10 or 15 years ago but they can’t tell you what Kamala said yesterday.

[fluffle-writes]

1). I may have a few ideas for Jamil since we are dealing with gems, gold, jewels, and such. But I am also adding a bit of a snake theme idea for him

2). Imagine Yuu and Grim in the Cafeteria eanting to make an announcement among the school about their birthday. Would the reaction towards this vary or would Yuu be coddled like crazy based on how they see Yuu based on one of your previous posts?

Ooh, I'd love to hear your ideas for Jamil! I kinda want to give him a cobra hood behind his head and torso, but I'm not sure how well that would work,,, if it does work well I'd probably add gold and silver details in some places... I think I kinda want him to have a more human-y face like Epel does, but I also don't know what texture I would opt for - maybe a gemstone overlay with silver patterns on his face partially inspired by his OB form...

As for a birthday announcement!

I feel like it'd spread through the college like a rumour (Cater's fault) and Yuu would be the recipient of an odd approximation of human birthday traditions if they've explained how they work, or Weirdcore traditions if they haven't. I'll put my elaboration on both of these scenarios under the cut since it's gonna be pretty long lmao

If they've spoken about human traditions enough for it to be known of by their friends, then they'll wake up to a fair number of gifts left at their door from various friends and some other students who they're on the good side of (like some other flower-head students they helped get out of Azul's contracts giving them little pots of eye goop)

They end up needing Vil to go through any beauty products they receive to make sure they're safe enough for more fragile skin types, and they end up asking Ace and Deuce about what various items they were given are meant for (which is met by some teasing if they ask about something that are believed to be obvious in their world)

Some of the odd items they may receive are various ornaments that stick in corners of rooms like cobwebs, a one-way window film that makes it look like a galaxy is inside the house instead of letting people see inside, and some odd item like that plumbus thing from Rick and Morty. Aside from that, they might also be given assorted food items that may not be found in their world, or clothing items tailored to fit them.

As for a birthday party, it would be somewhat similar to the unbirthday parties in the Weirdcore AU - with odd desserts that seem to have faces or whimper when you go to take a bite to boot! (Don't worry, there are sweets and foods that are a bit more normal too! Trey even figured out something that's more like the cakes back home!)

If their human friend follows the Brazilian birthday tradition of giving the first slice of cake to the person they love most, everyone's gonna be trying to subtly or not-so-subtly convince them to pick them as the person who gets the first slice of cake. An Australian human may get an odd type of fairy bread from the faefolk students at their birthday party (Silver didn't let Lilia bake it, don't worry) and Lilia may sneakily use butter to grease the nose of a Canadian human on their special day! They're eager to attempt any traditions the human may have spoken of!

If you teach them the happy birthday song it will sound like some kinda fucked up cult is singing it. Just for funsies. All different voice types (glitching, echoey, rasping, floaty, etc.) singing a dissonant melody as they stumble through. A lot of them are earnest about it though, they're trying.

They're all so eager to try these new traditions and give their human friend a sense of familiarity - even if they don't get stuff 100% right I feel like they'd get an A for effort

Now, as for Weirdcore traditions, I'm not actually 100% sure about how they may go about celebrating birthdays in their world - although chances are they'll have different traditions depending on the part of the world they're from...

Maybe there's a special type of fruit pie that's baked in the rose queendom for birthdays, which is supposed to predict how their luck will be in the following year. Depending on the colour of the jam inside the pie after it's cut, you can make a vague prediction about what your future will hold! It's pretty much impossible to control what colour the filling turns after baking, so you'll only know after it's cut!

I can't think of any more Weirdcore birthday traditions right now... I may try brainstorming for a bit and if I come up with something I'll make a post later!

[im-the-j-in-anthony-j-crowley]

Hi guys, I want to start by saying that I love you all and that my time in the fandom has been amazing

I don't know if that time is over, but we're definitely going to have a break because I need to think things through

If you want a VERY long talk about my views on the subject, and my general perspective, it's below.

I should give warning that both SA and depression are mentioned, with reference to suicide

I have always had problems with the age of both Michael's and David's partners, and you don't know how much I loved the girl who asked Michael about it.

However, both relationships were consensual, so even though I don't agree with it, I could simply acknowledge the fact that we have different worldviews and that's it.

Now I assume we know what's going on with Neil, and here the allegation is that it wasn't consensual. And also, it was girls my age, or younger than me.

Neil, I know the chances of you reading this are nil, and that possibly my stance on this is irrelevant. But taking into account the time I've put into the fandom.... I don't usually generate close connections with famous people, I always feel like they're about to make a mistake. Because we are human, and nobody deserves a pedestal. But it was something I almost did for Neil, especially after the post I made when I was in a crisis, that ridiculous "if this has x notes I do y thing" post.

and I guess I'm never going to be able to see the fact of Neil reblogging that post in any way other than "hey, maybe without that I wouldn't be here".

But there's no way I can keep my mouth shut on this, SA is an extremely touchy subject for me, and I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. What am I supposed to do? Abandon this blog? Delete it?

Good omens is part of my life on an immense level.

It's on most of my tumblr, Crowley is my profile picture on TOO MANY things, Crowley and Aziraphale are my favourite couple of all time, basically my definition of the best fictional relationship.

And now all of that is mixed in with what's currently going on.

I don't know if I'm going to leave the fandom or not, but I do know that I possibly need to spend a few days or weeks assessing the situation.

I love you guys, if you decided to follow me here, I really do. I adore you. I love this blog, it's one of my favourite things in the world. But now every time I think about it, I realise that it's a little too close to home.

I hope the situation moves forward as well as possible, that it is resolved with the truth...

And I want to make it clear, it shouldn't be me, the 22 year old, who is saying that someone my age dating a person 20 years older is incorrect

Even if it is a consensual relationship, it should not be that it is considered a correct course of action.

I say that as the 14 year old who thought they were an adult, as the teenager who was convinced they were mature (I wasn't). And even though I now feel that I am 100% aware of my situation, and 100% capable of making the right decisions, I wouldn't be surprised if in 10 years I discover that my worldview was fucking wrong.

I say that as the 22 year old who is fucking obsessed with Michael Sheen, who has seen an immense amount of stuff just because he's in it. I shouldn't be the one to say that if the situation were to arise, it would be fucking wrong of him for anything to happen (This is nothing against Michael, he is simply the only actor who has ever interested me in that way)

If it turns out that the allegations are true, it's horrible

If it turns out they're not, Neil, please date someone your own age, PLEASE

NOT WITH GIRLS

Having finished that, I want to talk a bit more about the fandom itself. I'm not telling you that we should leave fandom, or anything. And I understand if there are those who have compelling reasons to stay, I have no problem with that and I understand that. I've had experience with deciding whether or not to leave a fandom.

What I will ask is that you please consider acknowledging the fact that the ages of the people involved in these relationships alone is questionable, and the possibility that it was without consent makes it even worse.

I'm not asking you to smash or burn anything with Neil's name on it, but please think about it.

Is there a chance it's a fake? Yes, but please consider supporting the victims, because it is a fact that victims of SA are often categorised as liars

Just... acknowledging what is happening is better than pretending it is not happening

That's why I'm doing this

It happened, this is my situation at the moment, I'm going to take some time to think about it

[bee-named-alex]

So episode 6 of IWTV s2. My thoughts? Many. Enjoy them, I'll try to make it as coherent as possible in my current state. Spoilers and my mental breakdown below the cut

Fuck this. I cannot wait for a week after this episode, how am I supposed to be normal after this???

So I guess I'll start from the start? The tension is in every word and I get why Daniel's getting afraid for his life, I mean I am afraid for his life rn and he's not even real.

The Dubai scenes, they contrast really well with the first couple episodes of this season. The cracks in Loumand relationship are very apparent now, they can't even decide on what painting to have in their house. And I read a post that was like "season 1 was music, season 2 is art" and it's so true and this means like their relationship is empty i guess or something. Maybe just that it's falling apart.

And the way they began this season holding hands and sitting so close, acting like everything was perfect, ready to fight Daniel and now they sit as far away as possible, fight like all the time about everything and Louis and Daniel (and even Rashid I think) keep on further unionizing against Armand... I think that's just great.

And Armand knowing that they know and from the start trying to spin it. I'm not sure how the sentence "Why do you ask, love?" from Louis is like the coldest thing ever but it just is.

I'll talk more about Dubai later.

But now to Paris. Claudia's diary "Fuck these vampires" - girl's so right (in both meanings of that word btw). Claudia was never really my fave, but out of everyone I feel like she deserves a happy ending the most (not counting daniel here) and fuck, she's not getting it. i know but it still hurts like hell.

Her and Madeleine's relationship is great. Inbetween all the plotting and manipulation and murder this feels like one of the only peaceful things. In the scene where Claudia reveals herself I though that she's like Madeleine's guardian angel. But also an angel of death. But Madeleine doesn't mind and I think that's very important, that she doesn't really see Claudia as a monster - or maybe she does, but it doesn't change what she feels (after all, she thinks that she's a monster)

Then the turning. First Louis trying to convince Armand and him not obeying- as Daniel says "maitre only when it's hot or convinient" (it was hot in the art room btw and it's so not fair that we didn't get to see at least a little more i mean that whole scene was inexplicably so hot and i need moreeee).

But it also reminded me of another post, the "Armand is a willingly leashed tiger" because like yeah, Louis has the power up until the point when Armand no longer wants him to have it. (also Louis persuasion being "imagine me without the burden of her" sucks, like sorry but this hurts, even if you didn't mean it and yes it matters if you meant it. But his later method - aka kiss to shut him the hell up - seems much better.)

Then I got a little pissed or perhaps confused at his "Are you asking or making me?" because we know that Louis can't actually make Armand do anything, not when he is 100 % sure he doesnt want to. Because if he could, Armand would've turned Madeleine. (speaking of, Armand not having turned anyone is pretty interesting, but i guess that that's how it was in the books and it was important so sure why not)

Also Louis' "It's ok, it's ok" here reminded me of "Of course, of course!" and also "It's fine, he's fine, we're fine" and it's just so funny how they all think that if they say things over and over again they'll convince themselves that they're true.

The turning itself was beautiful, as Louis said it would be. Like it wasn't violent, there wasn't fear, no tears. Just love and devotion and I'm so sad that Claudia's and Madeleine's beautiful dream didn't last longer.

Louis not caring afterwards is just another exampke of his dissociative state and I worry about his mental well-being. (All of their mental and physical well-beings tbh)

In Dubai again, Armand finally talking about the erased memories and how they both hate on him for it and they're right. Like what do you mean Daniel doesn't have the right to be angry, of course he does. It's fun to see Daniel delighted about fighting Armand.

But also... Louis asked him to get rid of those momeries (if he believe him. And I, in this episode more than ever and despite my better knowledge, do believe Armand. Maybe it's just because of Assad's phenomenal acting but I believe his words and I believe his tears. Which actually makes this all worse btw.) and that makes the whole situation suddenly much more complicated.

Other Paris plot - Santiago (fuck Santiago) and his coup -, yeah that kept me on my toes for the entire episode. Like Armand says that he was in love and Louis says that he got lazy but I just think he must've been blind to not see it.

I feel like Dubai kinda reflects this (Louis and Daniel unionizing as we've said and so it's like Armand losing his power over his people again) but also. Paris and it's aftermath was the biggest crisis of their relationship, must've been (followed by San Francisco and Daniel I'm sure). But now as the recount it they are also reliving it and are also in a full-blown crisis and i hope this one doesn't end in a fire.

And the ending of it all. Fuck. I was near tears watching it.

The double-date in the cafe felt like a dream, they even said in the episode insider that they wanted it to feel surreal or something like that, like a romantic comedy. And for a few minutes it does. They let you believe that they could be happy. You know they won't, you know that shit's about to go down and everything will end in ruin but this single scene makes you beg, no please, no don't fuck it up, just stay happy, like this, it can be good. And despite knowing what's coming, you stick your claws into this idea of happiness like a lifeline.

And then it hurts that much more when this perfect bubble pops.

I admire all the actors because idk what Armand was feeling the moment he stepped outside but through Assad's acting I felt it too. And as Louis looks around, seeing the world stop, here I know exactly what he must've felt- the realization hits, the betrayl and then the immense worry for Claudia and Jacob portrays it so beautifully.

"He chose." This breaks my heart. Because what did he choose exactly, or better yet, what did he choose over? I mean this is terrible, the trial, but what was his other choice? He calls himself a coward so maybe it was Louis and Claudia and Madeleine or him that the coven would go after. But maybe this was actually the better choice idk.

But like you see the regret in Armand's face in Paris but especially in Dubai and I trust him. I believe him that he regrets it, I believe him the tears and as I've said that just makes it so much worse. Because he chose this and now they suffer for it and he suffers for it too and blames himself (rightfully so), but it still hurts.

And then Lestat. Fuck. I knew this was gonna come (I just couldn't help myself and because of my recklessness saw a spoiler, that he's gonna be there) but that in no way did that knowledge diminish what I felt when I saw him. Because, hell, idk I'm just so excited to finally have him back because I love him but also I hate him and am so scared as to what he's gonna do. He's gonna testify against Louis and Claudia sure but what if he won't? Does he want to kill or fuck Louis? Will his and Armand's past play part in this or is that a box to remain unopened until later?

"You cannot script a hurricane" they said and so this means Lestat will go off script. But to what extent? At least to which it results in burning the theatre down.

The preview didn't help my state, quite the contrary actually. Louis in Paris is scared that Lestat's gonna come. Santiago's laughing. What does Armand feel? Who knows not me, I'm just scared. And excited. I feel like I won't fall asleep for two days after this but it's fine. I'm fine, everything's fine.

[aromantyczno-liryczna]

I'm at the stage of pmdd where I feel awful and guilty because I've convinced myself my flatmates hate me I've been avoiding them and the kitchen like the plague except for sometimes when I pass them on the stairs so I'll say hi or when one of my flatmates visits my floor and I feel terrible they have gone out drinking 6 nights in a row and that got me pissed even tho it's none of my business and they did try to include me and ask if I'm going the first few days but then they stopped bc I literally have been staying in my room all day then I started leaving early and returning late to take away that stress and after went out with friends Friday i was so chill it was the two glasses of alcohol but I thought that maybe I could do this and could go down to the kitchen but it's so impossible and my mum calls me everyday what did you have for lunch and I've been saying so much rubbish like all that food I had bought hasn't been touched even tho I said I've been eating it because she told me earlier how when she left on Saturday she was so worried how would I fend for myself when I was literally pushed into the deep end but she said she felt so much better after I explained how I was doing because I just know it would be 100% worse if i told her the truth. Anyway as I was saying my bread went mouldy and the cheesecake I thought everyone finished went mouldy and I do think my flatmates are nice because this girl asked if forgot that I had some and tbh I want to make an effort but I'm just so damn tired on Saturday they did a pub crawl and I thought maybe that's the perfect time but no i messed that up because I just didn't text them and then today they had a movie night and again that'd be a good way to break the ice but no i messed that up again because I'm sill sitting in the library at 1:50 am. And I was going to go back to my room but there's people downstairs so what did I do I went back to the library and now they're all jsut wondering where I am all week because they haven't seen me in days I do know names but I can't match some of the faces because I struggle with that I don't like being teased like 3 days ago one kf them asked if I know their names this isn't primary school ITS ALL S FUCKING STUPID I haven't used to my voice often enough i was literally going to cry on Friday because that was the first time I had people around me that week and it was nice to hang out and I'm just sad because my best friend hasn't even talked with me that much and he lives opposite me so now I'm panicking that a friendship of 7 years has gone to waste even though it was perfectly fine before move in I've literally been talking to my other friends back home more than i have been talking to people here and I want to attend the daytime events even but then I end up changing my mind last second what if went to the other uni the friends I've made are so nice though I just wish I lived in their flat instead we ordered pizza and we played smash bros so it was fun they don't all live in the same building they're spread out I was worried i wouldn't have anyone to get a 2nd year house with but they probably will because they're in the same kind if situation as me and anyway I was going to throw out the food yesterday something is blocking me from going inside the kitchen I even was meant to do the laundry because I'm running out of clothes too wear on the daily but did I do that? No and at the start I did keep my room clean but now it's all messy again I have to psyche myself up to go to the bathroom even though it's right next to my door so yes it is getting bad again

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

i had a nightmare, so naturally i wrote about some related to it lmao

My Pleasure | BFF!Levi Fluff

✧ word count ➼ > 950 ✧ notes ➼ fluff, bff!levi ✧ cw: mentions of gaslighting, mentions of invalidation

The breeze was pretty significant with how high up you were. If you looked under you, you could see the night lights. You weren't on that tall of a building, but it was high up enough that you were hidden from prying eyes. Your legs dangled off the edge of the building as you stared off into the distance, doing what little you could to regulate your mood.

Although your head was swirling with chaos, you wore a blank expression on your face. Your eyes seemed empty, and you had been masking for so long that it seemed like second nature at this point.

You didn't even remember what you were upset about, but all you remembered was that you were with your group of friends and had gotten upset about something. When you brought it up, instead of having a productive conversation, your friends decided to invalidate every other thing you were saying. You felt attacked and pushed away, and ended up deciding that the best thing to do was to shut up and mask.

"Haven't seen you here in a bit."

You heard a familiar voice and looked up, seeing probably the only friend you had right now that you didn't resent.

"Could say the same to you."

Levi took a seat next to you.

"Friends say you've been acting different."

You were looking down towards the street below you, holding your hands together as you twiddled your thumbs as a way of fidgeting. It was ironic that your friends even said anything, given how quick they were to push you aside.

You were upset and you couldn't deny that, but you felt you didn't have the right to be upset. You had internalized their beliefs that you were 100% in the wrong, and convinced yourself that any negative emotion you were having should just be pushed away and that you didn't need to bother anyone else with it.

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Levi said with a scoff. "Look at me."

After a few seconds of no response, he tutted in disapproval and shoved at your shoulder a bit.

"Look at me," he repeated.

You finally turned and lifted your gaze to meet his. You could see the deep level of concern in his eyes, and he was immediately able to see past your mask, and see the pain in yours.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

His soft tone made you tempted to break down and cry on the spot, but you couldn't. You still felt like you weren't allowed to.

"...I got upset about something," you said after a long pause. "I don't even remember what it was to be honest, but they kept on insisting that what I was saying didn't happen..."

You trailed off, pausing for a few seconds before continuing quietly.

"...or that I was overreacting, or that I was being dramatic. It seemed like every other word that came out of my mouth was just getting shut down."

You emotionally withdrew from the situation as a method of protecting yourself. Levi was able to tell that immediately. It was a habit of yours that he had picked up from day one, and he couldn't blame you, as harmful as it was.

"I'm questioning if maybe they're right," you continued. "Maybe I am just seeing things that aren't actually there, feeling things that I have no right to feel-"

"Cut that out," he said sternly, cutting you off.

You immediately stopped talking and looked at him in confusion.

"Are you not hearing yourself?"

He sounded annoyed, but the look of concern in his eyes remained.

"You're allowed to feel how you feel," he said with a frown, as if he was astonished that you were even doubting yourself. "It doesn't matter what the fuck other people say happened or not, how you feel is how you feel and there's no changing that—and they're fucking idiots for trying to tell you otherwise."

You looked away, pondering over what he was trying to say.

"And they're assholes for trying to tell you that you're not allowed to feel a certain way or invalidating what it was that got you upset."

Your cheeks began to heat up as he spoke. As always, every word that came out of Levi's mouth hit you like a truck. The validation from him alone brought up something within you, although you couldn't tell exactly what it was. It made your heart pound and your entire body heat up. It was just the effect he had on you.

"...really wish more people were like you," you whispered.

"Yeah?" he said, glancing down at you.

"Yeah," you affirmed, looking down at the ground again. "Sorry for being a pain in the ass."

He shoved you again.

"Didn't I say to cut that out? Quit pitying yourself."

The pout returned on your face as you slightly stuck your bottom lip out.

"You're valid and allowed to have emotions or get upset over things. I don't give a shit what the rest of your friends say. They can fuck off for all I care."

You quickly found yourself leaning against him with your head resting on his shoulder. This wasn't a new occurrence and it provided you an oddly comforting feeling.

"Thanks for always being there," you mumbled as you shut your eyes.

It was always Levi that was there, no matter how shitty your situation was. If you were a little less distracted, you might have been more willing to explore whatever it was that was going on between the two of you, but neither of you were emotionally aware enough at the moment to do anything about it.

"...my pleasure."

#: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @moonmalice @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @belovedackerman @bejewelledd @sad-darksoul @ackermendick @aomi04 @apolloshaiku @laraackerman @pulpolicia @raenacreates @nube55 @roseofdarknessblog @saenora @noctemys @sixpennydame @sleepyfairyxo @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @levis-squishy-cheeks @dumbfound-princess @deepzombieyouth @evas-leslas join my taglist!

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

Now why the hell did I just read an article about the infantilization of trans men try to convince itself AND the audience that trans women somehow have it easier than trans men when it comes to having their gender respected and taken seriously and get more leeway to express and play with their gender outside of norms and stereotypes like, is this a fucking joke, am I being punked...the article outright states that a trans woman can wear pants and nobody will think that she's less of a woman for it but let a trans man wear a skirt or dress and people will see it as a sign that he's really a girl like BRO...have you forgotten that trans women are pressured to perform femininity 100% to a tee to prove that they're real women way more so than cis women...like you were EATING up until that part, you legit could've made your point without throwing transfems under the bus and acting like they couldn't POSSIBLY EVER have the same or similar hardships and struggles with having their gender recognized when they don't conform to gender norms as you do...like why don't you try talking to some transfem butches or tomboys or studs and try to say again that trans women are "allowed" to be masculine and it's given more leeway than trans men being feminine...don't make me laugh. And then ofc the article went on to say that trans men are "socialized as women" and yeah that's when I stopped reading, ofc the guy who wrote that article thinks that trans women don't get invalidated when they don't conform 100% to the feminine norm...he straight-up thinks that trans women are privileged over them due to being "socialized as male" a flat-out TERF lie!!! And like ofc the article didn't explicitly say that or at the very least I didn't get to that part in the article yet where they obviously WOULD say it but either way that's clearly the implication. Just so sad to see. Men regularly dismiss women's complaints and concerns and act like they're the ultimate victims because the only way they can talk about their struggles is by putting women down...and to see that that happens in the trans community too is really shameful. Like oh my gosh. 💔

[nerdylilpeebee]

it gives me hope to see someone who doesn't let themselves be swayed by the romanticism of rooting for an underdog (or more accurately, a very carefully crafted image of an underdog) and actually bothers to check facts

i see so much support for gaza among my peers and you blog makes me feel a little less alone... a little less insane

someone else sees it

Yeah, I honestly see the support for Gaza (really, Hamas, cuz really supporting Gaza would require being against what Hamas is doing and wanting Hamas to be removed from power, which is the opposite of what pro Palestine people are doing) EVERYWHERE. Making it confusing that some of them seem to think they're being censored, which I'm honestly convinced is a manipulation tactic, but anyway...

I have even seen people, some of them mutuals, who I know are good people reblog and spread the constant lies and propaganda every day. That's part of why I'm pushing so hard into it. Because the propaganda is working. It is making good people decide the terrorists are the right people to support because innocent people are dying in direct response to the terrorists' actions. It makes them ignore that Hamas openly admits that this is on purpose, that they intend for the innocent people of Gaza to suffer and die. It makes it so that Hamas, who is willing to lie about how many have suffered and even attach faces of even their own victims to propaganda pieces saying "Oh look at what Israel did," and even FORCE THEIR OWN HOSTAGES to wave and smile at them as they're released in order to paint the picture that Israel is the villain, can make people believe they are the good guys despite killing innocent people and admitting to using Gaza as a human shield.

They have MASTERED the art of propaganda. And I refuse to let it go un-called-out. I refuse to let people on the internet literally helping spread these lies by making their own up, or manipulating information (by leaving out a detail, changing a detail, straight up just lying that something like tunnels near the ocean is impossible despite it being 100% possible, etc) go un-called-out.

Tho, I will have to be honest, I may force myself to slow down a bit now. I had a bit of a stress response at work today. I doubt it was just about this stuff, but it no doubt added to it as I am very passionate about this subject. And I really don't wanna repeat this stress response. Health issues is not something I want to come about simply because I am stressed.

So I may have to back off a bit. But I am still 100% on the side of "both sides have shitty things they've done, but Hamas is literally the one who started this, killed countless innocents, and kidnapped a LOT of innocent people, including literal infants (something there is no precedent for, I might add. No one's ever really taken literal babies hostage like this before), and I will not condemn Israel for retaliating. I will, however, push for peace as regardless it is a fucking tragedy that people are dying and it NEEDS to stop. And it really can't until Hamas is removed. They keep breaking the ceasefires, all throughout the history of this region. Long-standing peace is not possible with them in power."

That got very long-winded. XD sorry.