#i am not well abt this podcast can you guys tell?

[truth-over-solace]

Just finished the latest ep and got hit w such a massive wave of protectiveness over the tmagp group after hearing georgie and remembering what tma's clutch went through

Not to mention the fact that im now willingly listening to the same thing happen to the tmagp crew while all the tma alternates are just one step away from falling once again into the slippery slide of eldritch horror and theres nothing i can do abt either of them

[zukkacore]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

ANYTHING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT THE LOVERS UNIVERSE OR ANYTHING AT ALL

Hiiiii truly sorry friend this literally took so long!!!!!!!!!!!! b/c i sat here wracking my brain abt what tf i wanted to talk abt and i got all distracted by wanting to finish Biggest Lie and. i decided to just do what i did last time and. Just go over everything that was a reference or not to something else within Almost b/c I do think that is the easiest way to comb over this gd fic from head to toe. If i don't finish in one go I'll just reblog w/ additions and tag you in

"You're in love, aren't you?" / "You've been sighing all day" I've talked about this before, it's actually a pull from Howl's moving castle. Easily one of the most shameless things i've pilfered and it doesnt even really have a meaning, I just think the exchange is funny.

When J2 approaches, Porter Cliffbreaker lights up with the most insufferable, self-satisfied grin J2’s ever seen in his short life. “You’re early,” he practically purrs. - (In ch 3 for context. This is Porter seeing J2 for the first time.) Obviously we're continuing the Hadestown motif of "you're early" "I missed you". This is again part of the Porter n Jace whole Thing of like. Jace breaking up with him (not in the Big Break but you know). Obviously part of the reason Porter is being so smug is that he thinks Jace is coming crawling back to him. Lol. He thought, didn't he?

"I’m in the correct place, right?” / J2 turns to a tiefling girl in a plaid skirt and a ripped band shirt who is strapping bass guitar to her chest. “Hey, kid. Am I in the right class?” This is a weird pull but this is actually Twelfth Night to me, the scene where Viola first meets Olivia. I just think it's so funny when Viola comes in and doesn't know whether Maria or Olivia is the lady of the house. "The honorable lady of the house, which is she?" / "Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty—I pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast away my speech—" etc etc. There's a lot of Twelfth Night influence just b/c there's a lot of like mistaken identity stuff and being in love with someone while they're in love with someone else etc etc all that good stuff. I also think the scene where Viola has to woo olivia is just like. Hot. To be fair tho, J2 is kinda doing the opposite here, he's letting Porter down easy abt the breakup. It's a loose pull but i like the idea of J2 being so out of his element he doesn't even know he's in the right place.

“ What are you?” “I… can’t say. An olive branch? A… A best kept secret, maybe. Between you and the guy up top.” “A secret?” “A parting gift.” But also “What am I?” “That. But also why are you here? A beat. “I’m…” Finally, J2 settles on, “A messenger?” and “It’s—he wants to insist he’s not at war, here.” “Well, that’s a damn shame" is so this Twelfth Night exchange to me:

^^^ to elaborate (sorry i didn't wanna type it out): Idk the viola n olivia vibes in this whole scene not just this part are so flirtaeous and i liked the mentions of war and divinity. Like Porter is the god of war and yet the clones existing as this kind of olive branch. And there's this question of What J2 Is. And there isn't really an answer to that. I liked this idea of him being a secret. A gift. The line "to your ears divinity, to any others profanation" was just. ough.

I'll do this like. It's a big block of text so:

The fluorescence flickers. Mindless, as if purely out of routine, he makes his way over to the sink, to the cabinets full of mugs and glasses. J2 spots Jace’s immediately—it’s purple, with a slogan from his favorite podcast. He snatches it by the handle and throws it against the floor, where it shatters into a million pieces. He thinks about Jaceprime, and about being Dispelled. Despite the fear he can feel rising in his chest, making it hard to breathe, he thinks for another long moment. What a satisfying crash. He wonders if his fear of oblivion is unique to simulacra, or if it's something Jaceprime also has to grapple with every day. He wonders about the weird glowing gem in his chest, and how Jaceprime always refers to a time Before, with him and The Big Guy, but refuses to say outright what happened. He thinks about Porter—and of rage. He stares at the shattered pieces of the cup on the ground. And after a moment of serious contemplation, he grabs another mug off the shelf, and he does it again.

Anyway^^^: That's a reference to The Haunting of Hill House! Both the show and the movie. Theodora says it in both versions. Here's the anecdote I love so much:

“When I was a child,” Theodora said lazily, “—'many years ago,‟ Doctor, as you put it so tactfully—I was whipped for throwing a brick through a greenhouse roof. I remember I thought about it for a long time, remembering the whipping but remembering also the lovely crash, and after thinking about it very seriously I went out and did it again

The variation from the show also includes something along the lines about "I learned a lot about my own mother that day. Taught her, too." which I completely forgot is such a movie special but. I think was also so vital to why I loved that line and wanted to include a nod to it. Like. I've already talked about this but i wanna reiterate that I do not feel bad making motherhood comparisons w/ Jace and the clones b/c he is their creator! He is their frankenstein! Anyway, the imagery of like, getting satisfaction out of doing something destructive, and then doubling down out. Even if you get repercussions from your parent. Or maybe because of that. Maybe spite is the motivator. It was so striking. I think we tend to get this perception of J2 as this soft baby boy but this is one of my fav moments of his because it's so impotent and petulant. It's so him trashing a bathroom to have some semblance of power. J2 has so little power, but he can destroy Jace's favorite mug! (also, yes it was a complicated woman podcast mug. Also in IYWD Jace mentions the fact that he started bringing crappy mugs to work bc his kept disappearing and this was kinda a nod to that.)

"I—Fuck, Porter! Why don’t you just tell me what to do!" Ok, this is also pretty broad. Pulling from a few things here. I mean. This is very Pearl-coded to me. I still think about that scene to garnet where she says "I'm useless on my own. I need someone to tell me what to do". Also Please don't laugh, I have an old Hugh grant comedy that's my favorite and there's a scene where the son is having an argument w/ his mom and when he says "Because we never have any discussions, we have an argument, and you always win! Why don't you just tell me what to do" and she goes "Because I want you to think for yourself!" and then he's like fine then mom its not up to you if hugh grant is my friend even if he did pretend to have a two year old son so he could sleep with the single moms at the single parent support group. I love this movie btw. which i've already said like the paternal connotations to godhood mean i don't feel TOO bad when Porter's vibe gets weird and paternal. There's also a definite "I want someone to tell me what to wear in the morning. I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning fleabag vibe. I mean. Who said that.

“I—I’m not a consolation prize, Porter,” I think this is technically broad enough to not be a when harry met sally reference, but Sally does say this to Harry when he's trying to apologize to her and he's basically like "lol if neither of us have a date to the new york party we can go together" which. If that's not the vibe for whats going on. Filling in a spot because the other person is lonely.

“I want you. I’m only here for so long, and all I know is. I like you, ok?” and “I think you’re right.” J2 is working to keep his voice steady. “We both know that I was made for you. Literally. But more importantly… I like you. I know that much.” This is such a weird pull but this is such a Parks and Rec "I love you and I like you" (evil version) for me. I think there's such an interesting distinction between like and love. There's something so sad about J2 trying to insist, to me anyway, that he would also choose this even if he wasn't destined to love Porter due to being Of Jace. Love is destiny, but "like"? Like has the connotation of. Friendship. New feelings, innocence, juvenile. Just enjoying each other's company. J2 has so little, and he enjoys being around Porter. He loves Porter, but he likes him. It's... almost... adolescent. But it's also very. Forget the sweeping romance. I would do laundry and taxes with you.

“I like you, too, Bluejay.” I mean. Barely a reference but we all know Bluejay is so Hey, little Songbird coded from hadestown. I've joked about this but legit i was so so so so so terrified to give J2 a nickname to individualize him b/c i was so scared of completely blowing it. And I was just like. This is BARELY an individualization. He likes blue. Is that the dumbest thing ever. Obviously the concept of ownership is so prevalent in almost, and J2 is so comforts of a gilded cage coded. He's the precious gift, the one who learns to love the cage that Jace rejects. He's ESPECIALLY hey little songbird coded to me, b/c it's about Jace running away (Persephone) and Porter finding someone else to replace him (Eurydice).

“Hey. What’s with the silent treatment?” says Porter. “Cat gotch’er tongue?” Um. Hey. Little songbird. Cat got your tongue? Always a pity for one so pretty and young... No excuse.

I'll pair it with Porter rises from his desk, and J2 is in the embrace of his arms. and It feels so good being in Porter’s arms. and “I can make it go away,” says Porter, so softly—tenderly—even as he tightens his grasp on J2, secure. etc etc. Because that's not like. As on the nose but that's ALL Hadestown comforts of a gilded cage imagery. Someone who could love these walls that hold her close, and keep her safe, and think of them as my embrace. etc etc. Just. This idea of J2 running away from somthing and straight into the trap that was so heartbreaking to me. "Strange is the call of this strange man. I wanna fly down and feed at this hand. I want a nice soft place to land. I wanna lie down forever." etc. Even as he's getting this like. Horrible revelation about the truth of what Porter did to jace, and he's feeling this new fear that this could be him, he was built to find comfort here. He was raised to find comfort here. Porter wants everything. And J2 owns nothing, not even himself. "Seeing as you've got nothing to lose, and I could use a canary"

To go to something... maybe funnier? Maybe not. Again. Silly pull. J2 sniffs. Finally, he braves a look up, blinking back tears as he says, “Can… you just hold me a little longer?” Porter’s smile makes him forget all else. “Of course.” Like. This doesn't take place in chapter 7, but to me, this is the smoking gun that J2 and Porter were always going to sleep together (i mean, they already have, but in a Mega Turbo Detect Thoughts Sex Trick Orgasm Way). This is actually something from When Harry Met Sally! Sally says this to harry when she's crying about her ex getting married. And he holds her and gives her a kiss and this is the first time they sleep together. Like this is so Hurt/Comfort (evil version) of that scene to me, and the nature of like, comfort that turns into sexual tension is fascinating to me. And like. There's something so comedic and pathetic and cloying about the way she asks it too. Like. The desperation but also the slight comedy of it.

I'll also say, if you wanna read this into it too. I do this this is All I've Ever Known (evil version). "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, but now I wanna hold you, hold you close, I don't wanna ever have to let you go. Now I wanna hold you hold you tight, I don't wanna go back to the lonely life" etc etc

 “He still loves you, you know.” / Jace is... “ —A good guy,” he insists hard, / “I—I know we are… of the same. But—I don’t understand it. If—” / “Porter, gods, Porter, if I loved you the way my master loves you…” / "How does he love me?”  OK. So this entire scene is a little bit Handmaiden coded in that it's like. Ohhhh what if we were fucking and I was pretending to do this in service of teaching you what the person you're supposed to be with and what they would do this is just instructional i prommyyyyy.

But Also this whole Thing to me I was taking on a kind of. Like. Reverse Twelfth Night thing? Like, the concept is very much closer to Orsino and Viola's deal, in that Viola loves Orsino while Orsino loves olivia (Say that some lady, as perhaps there is, hath for your love as great a pant of heart as you have for Olivia! You cannot love her, you tell her so. Must she not then be answered?". "I am all the daughters of my father's house. And all the brothers too") But I do really like the idea of Viola having to convey the depth of Orsino's longing for Olivia by using her own pining for Orsino. That's littered throughout this scene. There are a ton of nods to the exchange. "How does he love me" is a direct quote. There's also this:

If I did love you in my master’s flame, With such a suff’ring, such a deadly life, In your denial I would find no sense. I would not understand it.

But yeah it's this idea of like. J2 is channelling jace and getting extremely horny about it. He's imainging the depth of Jace's longing and he finds it genuinely moving. He things Porter deserves that. but also. J2 is using his own longing here, and essentially giving Porter a gift because he knows the depth of that longing would mean more to Porter if it was from Jace. Which of these is the truth? Maybe both

"With adorations. With fertile tears. With groans that thunder love. With sighs of fire" This is the only thing that is like. A direct quotation of something Viola says in Twelfth Night, and I just think its so horny and honestly? Effective. Why ruin a good thing?

OK! Last one!

J2 is getting what he wants. He gets to be by Porter's side, despite the risk. (And in his memories, Jace looks so happy. Doesn't Porter deserve that, too?) So why does this feel like… death? Like he’s dissolving into snow—dissipating in the warmth of the sun? That’s how it works, right? He doesn’t know that much, but it feels true, doesn’t it? When your heart breaks, you should die.

Like.... Am i gonna get stoned for this? Do I have the right in invoke Tony Kushner? Do i deserve this? I'm being so real here, this is one of those "janelle is using paradise lost to talk abt jaceporter" things that just feels deeply WRONG.

Anyway. This is 100% and Angels in America reference. And I... It feels a little wrong to put Jaceporter fanfiction and such a beautiful piece of art in the same breath but here we are. The line is:  "I don’t understand why I’m not dead. When your heart breaks, you should die. But there’s still the rest of you." Like... I just think that line is so sad and beautiful. Am... Am I allowed to do this??? Like. It doesn't feel right. It felt right to put it there. It was so clear in my mind. It just felt so emotionally true... J2 is so green... And it's this like. Invocation that he's a person but he's a simulacra. he's animated snow. How does being a person even work. How does it work when you've been robbed of your purpose?

It's just. That's how it should work, right? When your heart breaks, you should die.

Anyway. Thank you for my long winded nonsense. Genuinely sorry this took so long.

[psych---ologically-deranged]

psych 3x2 commentary: murder, anyone, anyone, bueller?

AB, JB

So happy abt the highschool romcom ep, & so happy that there are only 2 ppl & the audio is so clear.

Brokeback episode? An ice storm episode? Shawn & Gus in a Tent? Yes please.

Shawn: perfect memory High school: Nowhere in his brain, so he claims

Rachel Lee Cook

Yes! So glad that they're together!

"There... there is already confirmed a season 4."

An ACTUAL high school "this was filmed at lunch" XD ok

Nah I looove tracking shots. "If you admired any of James Roday's thigh tone, it's from this work"

"Judd Nelson is watching the podcast commentary right now at home"

"that's an actual stunt guy we threw off the building. He is no longer with us. I would like to thank him for his commitment to the show." "It was Andy Berman!"

I just realized, there was no flashback here!

"It was cold. Vancouver is not Santa Barbara." "You can see the, what do you call it?" Me: Fog? Breath? "Their spirits leaving their bodies."

"It's because I can't find another job"

They're treating the podcast commentary like it's a job interview now XD

Huh, first ep ehe filmed, good for him

they actually filmed the maddie/henry phone call live on opposite sides of the sound stage!?!? That's actually cool, I love if when they discuss this sort of thing on film commentaries.

Lassiter, not Juliet? ig he is head det

"The wonderful Tim Omundson" Your reunion, my date, your case but your reunion, I'm on it with you but no I'm not also why are you

""wE COULD HAVE BUT WE DIDN'T""The background is red because it's evil" "It's deeply religious"

Oh her pills & rushmore

"Yeah but your script was 140 pages"

"Look at that package" was not in the script "Actually it's in every andy berman script"

I love background artists

Wow henry is sad

"We record these in the morning & I'm on my starbucks Green, & I am so regular, BMs like a champ" Buddy why are you telling me this on the commentary track? "You could do it in Kelly's trash can" !???

(in singsong voice) phallic!

Guy in green jacket! Guy in green jacket!

"Don't you hate it when your parents show up at the high school reunion?" 'Oh yeah mine ruined the whole night' "Mine won king & queen"

That was Corbin genuinely lasting

"Painted whore" That was like a two-AM inspiration on my part

All pills & a pair of scissors

*reads label* "Well that figures"

This man did the dance of EVERY character & he had to come up with what specifically to do On Set

Aw man imagine if they DID have russian strippers

*Out of the blue in silence* 'Do you think John Hughs saw this movie?' "No." '...End of commentary'

I hate on Lassiter a ton but he really loves Juliet. When the chief comes in all sus, he says she was helping him arrest his date. He's great. Then Karen says "Ok, I believe you" but immediately turns around with "Whatever it is you're really working on, you're not getting paid" & like... yeah ok lol. I like his little face with the small mouth

Talking about puberty now & armpit hair in jr high, what are these commentaries?

I would have loved to see the entire slideshow, going down the row of guys in speedos & then Gus at the end fully clothed. I WISH it was a thing on the DVDs

We literally see juliet arrest eileen maswell

That one guy "Alternatively we cut to the whitest guy with a blank face"

"Sometimes you see extras & some of the people are making out, & did they naturally start making out or were they directed that way?" Buddy you're the one who works in TV

I miss psych but this fixation is leaving me

[thebreakfastgenie]

@mashed4077 yes, I knew there was a tag limit. from experience lol

#hehe#also honestly the way i see it w the homophobic gay trope like#the same podcast where gary markowitz talks abt the original george ending#he says they submitted tht script w that plot and got it back#and the studio was like no we dont want this#u cant have this fruity lil scene where hawk n trap get frank drunk n get him to talk abt a crush on a guy he had#idk why.. the ep already was handling homosexuality in the 70s#like tv censorship was ridiculous but how was tht more explicit than anything else in the ep?#was it bc it'd be canonizing a main character as queer? possibly#regardless the ending we got wasnt proposed by markowitz or his co-writer#and markowitz took issue with it. he was like do we rlly wanna frame homosexuality as a mistake from ur past that ur not proud of?#and honest to gd. as groundbreaking of  an ep as george is and as glad i am it exists bc it def is important#i think THAT canon ending is a lot more homophobic than frank being queer#bc the reality is sometimes internalized homophobia does get projected outward#and sometimes bad people are queer!#whereas portraying queerness as a shameful phase. thts undeniably homophobic#sometimes ppl do go thru experimental periods (but there shouldnt be shame in that). but is a weird theme to project onto this ep#like george himself never indicates it's in his past. hawk & trap jus choose to push that angle on frank#and it feels tacked on. i dunno#txt#frank#but ya i think a lot abt how flustered he gets in some of those scenes#frank bi panic incidents#... idk if when we call him gay it's an umbrella term but i think hes bi <3#franks evil bisexuality to hawkeyes evil bisexuality#local moron hits tag limit again. did u even kno there was one. There Is

I need to actually listen to that podcast still so this is all SO interesting! also good points. I think you can argue Hawkeye and Trapper take that angle because it's more likely to work, but certainly it's still problematic on a narrative level. I think there's a slight distinction too between Hawkeye and Trapper who seem wholeheartedly chill with George being gay and Henry who is more of the "well, he shouldn't have his entire life ruined over it" opinion. Henry could be fully supportive too, but I think it's telling that we don't get more than that from him. It shows a wider range of reactions, because there's also Margaret who's shocked and uncomfortable but notably does not help Frank try to report George. I feel like all those choices were intentional. Quite a thing for 1974.

i think you’re of the same mind as me when i think constantly that they should have put frank burns in so many more gay situations bc him being a repressed homophobic homosexual could have been the single most hilarious running gag on the army doctor show

The bits that are there are SO FUNNY!! The original plan for George was Hawkeye and Trapper were going to find out Frank had been gay for a guy in the past and blackmail him with that. What could have been......

Also insert "I think you and I are a lot alike" gay Frank Burns dialogue here.

[new-hyperfixation-every-month]

(SPOILERS FOR TPP SEASON 4 AND A BIT OF SEASON 3 IG)

so i just finished season 4 of tpp and damn it i have some WORDS TO SAY

i rlly dont know how to feel abt nureyev rn. he clearly expected dark matters to attack the carte blanche, and although he probably isnt working with them, the fact that he also told whoever he took the loan from that he would be bringing them all the items he and the aurinko crime family stole makes me think he didnt just escape from dark matters. he probably used this as an opportunity to escape from the family as well, especially since in the journal he literally tells juno not to look for him.

i hate to say this, bc nureyev is a huge comfort character for me, but i think hes up to smth rlly bad. and i cant believe hes pulling this betrayal bullshit AGAIN

(also i understand he wants juno to learn more abt him and his past, but how did he expect juno to react to the love of his life ranting abt how smitten he was for another guy in a journal made FOR HIM)

the vulnerability in nureyev's journal makes me incredibly happy you have NO IDEA

im such a sucker for characters who mask emotions finally showing vulnerability through stories of their past, in which they didnt feel the need to hide or were only starting to. (for example, the contrast between younger nureyev talking abt the world knowing his name versus older nureyev who can barely even speak it himself; "just...call me what you used to.")

im kind of scared abt the whole slip jackson situation. slip seems completely in love with nureyev, which makes me think nureyev is probably the reason they broke up. he probably did smth hypocritical like lying or betraying slip, and genuinely idk if i can take seeing nureyev do anymore shitty stuff ok i RLLY LIKE HIM and am sick of seeing him being a dick.

SO ANYWAYS bc ive caught up on tpp, ill need a new podcast to listen to soon (RECOMMENDATIONS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED) but this is also the perfect time to work on that recap video project i talked abt in another post, so if i do end up doing that, ill update anyone whos interested on the progress as it happens.

ALSO does anyone know when the next episode will be out bc i think im driving myself insane by listening to these unfinished podcasts and now that i think abt it the next two episodes wont even be junoverse so im gonna have to listen to the second citadel thingy too (gimme opinions on that bc i wanna know if its actually good)

[war-sword]

i think evi deactivated like an hour ago on ao3 and here, i was reading turn on ap3 and went to the next chapter but it it said error page not found 😭😭 i really hope she’s okay, and i’m really sorry if a lot of your asks are abt her, i’m sure we’re all just worried :(

hello, anon.

first, i'd like to start by saying you and any other person who has messaged me in the past 6-ish months have not upset or annoyed me in any way shape or form. to the public, evi and i were friends and it made sense that i would know of her whereabouts. if i was in y'alls position i would do the same thing, so please don't take this as me complaining about anyone sending me messages!

i will tell you the story that i now know. if you ever listened to our podcast, evi was in a very small groupchat with me and three other draco x reader writers. none of us have been active in the fandom in the level we all were in 2019/2020, but regardless we were all still in quite constant contact. she was on a break from about october 2020 to february 2021, which you guys might remember she came back to her blog (acciodracoo) and our groupchat for a time. then she went offline again.

earlier this week i discovered she had been on another blog and a new ao3 consistently since she left in march. i'm not going to share the url and user here for her privacy, as it is clear that's what she wants and i am NEVER one who would endorse a witchhunt. i was hurt and upset someone i considered a close friend would just ghost not only me but many other people like that. after she realized i knew it was her, she blocked me. my other friends send her dm's asking if she would be willing to tell us why she wanted to cut ties, but she has not answered them as of now, still. of course, she can do whatever she wants on her public blog. i would never blame someone for deactivating or abandoning creative works they no longer want to be involved or associated with. i was simply upset that she would block me and ignore all the rest of us with no warning when she seemingly left us on a good note.

it's now been a few days since all of this went down, and i am feeling more calm and detached from it. it seems clear evi wants nothing to do with who she was and anyone she knew from her time on draco x reader tumblr. if it is any consolation, it seems she is happy and active on her new accounts. i'd like to reiterate again that creators can do whatever they want with their work at any time. please do not go looking for her, especially in any capacity to try and get her to return or put her works back online, as it is clear to me, as someone who would like to say i knew her pretty well, she doesn't want to come back to this era of her life.

with all of that, i ask you all to please not message me or any of my other friends about her. we don’t know any more than you guys do now, and we have decided together we’d like to move on from all of this with evi as well.

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

[tigerdrop]

for what its worth i originally followed you /because/ i find it so charming how passionate you are for your specific niche interests. like i know nothing abt hlvrai like i have literally no idea what it is (is it... a podcast? lets play...?) idk how i found you but i just thought huh this person is really cool and neat and super into this thing ive never heard of and super unapologetic that its "weird" fetish shit, thats dope, /im/ into weird fetish shit lol and ive loved seeing you on my dash since then, even though i still got no clue who these dudes are. Sorry this is weird lol i hope this doesnt come off as condescending or anything i just thought why not let you know (:

that is very nice of u and i have no idea how you got here or how youve managed to stick around but.....thank u nonetheless

and i know you didnt actually ask this but this ask is basically fresh meat to a piranha so (swiveling in my chair) i am going to tell u about hlvrai.

hlvrai is a half life machinima, which basically means "a handful of people used a video game to roleplay a bunch of characters in a story". (sorry if this seems condescending. i dont mean to be im just erring on the side of caution.) you can find the abridged version here on youtube. it was streamed live on twitch by funny man wayneradiotv, and ended up developing a terrifyingly huge fanbase b/c A) its funny, but also B) it has a dude that exists purely to antagonize/flirt with the main character, gordon freeman. this dudes name is benrey. he is almost certainly the biggest reason why this fanbase exploded shortly after it aired. he is also, unfortunately, the half life security guard model that cursed my dick

the thing about hlvrai is that it also spawned a uniquely sex-averse fanbase. which is why i end up with so many people giving me shit on here. there are a number of interlocking reasons for this. one is the average age of the fans. its an M-rated machinima based on an M-rated game, but a huge chunk of the fandom consists of 15 yr olds with incredibly wack ideas about sexuality. red vs blue (the halo machinima) also had a primary audience of teenagers and young adults, but it has over 10 fucking thousand fics on ao3 and not nearly the same violent repulsion towards adult works. probably b/c the average gamer was more likely to just call you a slur if they found out you wanted the purple and orange master chiefs to bang.

this dovetails with some popular misinterpretations of comments made by wrtv and the cast about nsfw fanworks. wayne doesnt like seeing them and it makes him uncomfortable to be shown them, but he has stated multiple times that he doesnt actually give a shit if people make them and we can do what we want in our own spaces. he has no desire to play fandom police and, more importantly, has no desire for anybody else to do so, either. buuut most people who are het up about this are teenagers who are already uncomfortable around the subject of sex, who think that wayne was just being coerced into saying that stuff, and who very much do not want to be convinced otherwise. (and im certainly not gonna fucking try.)

at the end of the day a lot of peoples problems with nsfw fanworks boils down to, they see these machinima characters as just "the streamers being themselves", so drawing them touching dicks amounts to drawing rpf of real, actual guys. like the mcyt fanbase. but its just demonstrably untrue! wayne repeatedly has to cajole himself into getting into character as gordon freeman. benrey has his own fucking plushie and is a recurring character on waynes streams now. they are their own characters! and at this point i have psychoanalyzed them so thoroughly and read so much into a half life improv series they might as well be their own fucking OCs. (god knows thats what most content in this fandom amounts to, anyway.)

sorry. that was mean. anyway i dont know if you care about any of this but if you ask me literally anything about hlvrai i will explode like a water balloon. i am just enthralled with the concept of the series and with these two characters in specific and i still really really want them to fight and fuck and piss their pants or whatever embarrassing shit

[thoriffix]

Can you rec some media with canon queer characters 😌

ofc!! thisll by no means be an exhaustive list but idk what youre looking for specifically so ill break it into categories

my current favs!! if u follow me u know these already lol

the umbrella academy: netflix show abt dysfunctional superpowered siblings reuniting to stop the apocalypse. canon mlm character (pansexual according to his actor) w mlm romance, canon wlw character (lesbian according to someone on the show dont rmr who) w het romance in s1, wlw romance in s2 - this is one of my absolute fav shows at the minute in general its brilliant

the magnus archives: horror podcast abt the head archivist of an institute researching experiences w the supernatural. protagonist is canonically biromantic asexual, in a mlm relationship in s5, and there is another canon bisexual character, as well as (iirc) a canon wlw couple - yall know ive been so into tma lately its so so good, obviously if you dont like horror its not for you but if you do.. 👀

sanders sides: youtube series abt a gay dude working out his emotional problems via personified aspects of his personality. all the characters are gay cuz thas what thomas is baby! - i was hesitant abt putting this cuz thomas is a person not a character lol but if u haven't seen sasi i recommend it its like free therapy but theres songs sometimes

shows!

julie and the phantoms (netflix remake): musical show abt a teen girl rediscovering music after her mothers death w the help of three ghosts who were in a 90s band. canon gay character w a slow burn romance (not yet canon bfs but s2 lets go) - its very cheesy and the musical segments can drag on a bit but its p good overall

lucifer: detective show abt lucifer abandoning his rule of hell to buy a nightclub and beginning to solve murders w the lapd. lucifer is canonically bi/pan, as is his demon pal mazikeen, but queerness rly isnt a focus of the show its more casual rep - that being said its a good show overall, if a little predictable now n then (s1-3 on amazon prime, 4+5 on netflix)

kipo and the age of wonderbeasts: fantasy cartoon set in a future filled w mutant intelligent animals, kipo finds herself lost and has to get home w the help of her friends. canon gay character as one of the mains, canon nb side character - its a rly good cartoon! lots of fun, excellent soundtrack, and the main characters are all poc which is rly nice to see

the dragon prince: cartoon abt two princes and an elf assassin returning a dragon egg to its mother. canon mlm couple, several canon wlw characters, canon nb character - i havent seen the show myself but ive heard very good things abt it!

i am not okay with this: netflix show abt a teen girl discovering she has superpowers and hating it. protag is canon wlw (i THINK shes a lesbian but i havent watched it in a hot sec), developing wlw relationship - ianowt slaps! sad that s2 got cancelled but s1 is real good its a touch spooky and theres a bit of gore/blood so watch out lol

schitt's creek: sitcom abt a rich family who lose all their money and have to move into the motel of a town they bought as a joke. canon pansexual character and canon gay character w one of the sweetest mlm relationships - a rly good witty show w excellent character development for every character!

good omens: show abt a demon and an angel trying to stop the end of the world. every celestial character in it is nonbinary, + crowley and aziraphale have a nonexplicit (ie no on screen pda lol) romance - good omens is such a good queer show none of the characters care abt gender in the slightest lmao, plus the show in general is fantastic (the book is also very good)

movies!

the old guard: a group of immortals fight an organisation that wants to capitalise off their immortality. canon mlm couple - another one i havent seen yet (i will!) but apparently very good

it chapter 2: horror sequel to It, w the main characters returning to derry to defeat pennywise for good. canon gay character in unrequited love - i only say chapter 2 because his queerness isnt referenced at all in the first film, again its big horror and theres no gay romance just gay tragedy but its a good film

love, simon: romcom about a closeted gay teen falling in love w someone over emails. do i even need to state the rep? - honestly if u haven't seen love simon yet what are you even DOING its so good proper fluffy queer romcom, the book (simon vs the homosapiens agenda) is also really good!! so is the sequel (leah on the offbeat) where the protag is a bi girl + it focuses on a wlw romance

the way he looks: brazilian coming of age film abt a blind teen boy falling for the new kid at his school. canon mlm relationship - this doesnt seem to be on (british) netflix anymore so idk where youd find it with subtitles but i rmr liking it a lot!

games!

night in the woods: 2d platformer abt a young woman (well. cat) dropping out of college and coming home to live w her parents + discovering spooky happenings in her hometown. canon mlm couple and i believe the protag is canonically bi? - i will recommend nitw to literally anyone who will listen its one of my all time favourite games, deals w a lot of mental health issues and its absolutely gorgeous w a brilliant soundtrack and rly good dialogue thats witty and serious and realistic (its on steam + switch for sure dk abt other platforms, abt 15 quid i think?)

tell me why: adventure game abt twins returning to their childhood home + findin Secrets. canon trans male character - i havent got around to buying + playing this yet but it looks really good! (its in three chapters + on steam, not sure on price)

other media!

the art of being normal: slice of life novel abt a young trans girl discovering herself. main characters are a trans man and a trans woman. - a good novel! trigger warning for transphobic actions including descriptions of a transphobic attack on the guy, and its certainly not without its faults otherwise, but i thought it was pretty good

the adventure zone: dungeons and dragons podcast by the mcelroy brothers. idk specifics but theres a lot of canon queer characters in it! - i havent listened to taz yet but i know a lot abt it, inc that its good and funny and has plenty of queer rep

theres several more i like that arent listed here but to keep this from getting just ridiculously long ill leave it there :] tried to get a range of genres and medias, hopefully theres something for you in there!

[toonbly]

i am here to ask abt ur gordon and joshua headcanons. tell us abt Them and their relationship

WELL IM GLAD YOU ASKED *stops holding you at gunpoint*

HERE’S A GOOD BIT OF FREEMAN FAMILY HCS (some of which were provided by my good pal @/sunkizt )

Joshua’s always been this kinda shy anxious kid but once he gets to high school ( I like to think he’s like? 15 in the art I posted earlier ) he starts trying to impress his peers and fit in a little better with VARYING DEGREES of success

Due to the shit that happened at Black Mesa Gordon kiiiinda tends to be a little overbearing. He got THIS CLOSE to dying so many times after the Rescas, so now he wants to be as involved in Joshua’s life as heavenly possible. He’s not controlling or anything but he tends to butt in on Joshua’s business a lot and pesters him pretty often.

So yes Joshua and Gordon are basically the “Shy kid who wants to fit in with an overbearing and embarrassing parent who means well” trope

That said whenever he was much younger Joshua clung to Gordon like his life depended on it after the incident. He’s gotten better, but even now if Gordon is away at the store for too long or gets home from work late without calling it’ll make Joshua super anxious

Gordon’s the living embodiment of the “Are you winning, son?” image. He doesn’t understand a lot of Joshua’s interests but he certainly tries

This is more a Joshua in general headcanon than a Freeman family one but- Joshua is mute! He communicates via ASL!

Circling back to Gordon being a little overbearing- this defo causes a bit of a rift until they can sort it out. Gordon being overprotective can be a little much for Joshua sometimes, and it causes iiiisssuuuuueesss

Gordon never telling Joshua exactly what happened at Black Mesa certainly DOESN’T HELP. Like he doesn’t wanna dump all his trauma on his kid so it’s understandable why he doesn’t. But to Joshua it just seems like Gordon just thinks he can’t handle himself which to a teenager is really! Not good

They talk it out eventually, of course but not until after a really emotional and SOMEWHAT HEATED argument that results in lots of tears and them both just shutting off from the other for the rest of the night so they can cool down. They talk about it the next morning.

Gordon starts tryna be less overprotective- Joshua understands why he was doing it now and is less hard on the guy for it, but Gordon’s working on himself still tho bro because thats what GOOD DADS DO, BAY BEE

On a fluffier note- Gordon’s that dad who’s super supportive of all of Joshua’s “phases.” Like I like to think Gordon had a rebellious phase in high school (not necesarrily fullblown Punk- yes the mentality bc Gordon being an anarchist is CANON, BAYBEE, but he never dressed that way. It was more old flannels and ripped up jeans for him) so when Joshua has any alternative phases Gordon is IMMEDIATELY on board.

Gordon’s a shovel talk kinda dad. Joshua brings home a boy one day and Gordon gives him a very GENTLE shovel talk- bc yknow, Joshie can handle himself it’s alright. It’s less a “You hurt him and you’ll die” and more a “I’m trusting you to be good to Joshua. It’s no surprise that you love him, everyone should love Joshua, so be good to him.” sort of thing

JOSHUA ALSO GIVES ANYONE GORDON DATES SHOVEL TALKS. BUT THEY’RE LIKE FULL ON THREATENING SHOVEL TALKS. Like “Listen my dad fucking rules and if you break his heart I will BURY YOU.” The problem being that Joshua’s this baby faced 15 year old with freckles and he’s like 5′2″ cause he hasn’t hit his growth spurt yet so like it’s hardly intimidating

Joshua’s that one vine where it’s like “Hahah yeah cool party guys! Hold on I gotta go to the restroom- *grabs phone* MOM I NEED YOU TO COME PICK ME UP KIDS ARE DRINKING BEER-”

Joshua’s like. A nerdy jock. He’s into high school football but doesn’t play it himself, he’s more into nerdy shit like books and podcasts n stuff

He’s still drawing too! He’s gotten better at it over the years

[edengarden]

HELLO THERE I HAVE READ THROUGH ALL OF YOUR MATCH UPS I LOVE THEM ALL😼😼😼. I am very excited... Do you think I could get a regular match up?? OKAY HERE GOES. I laugh a lot (too much, and it's a terrible laugh... No really but I don't care because it tends to make others laugh as well so it's worth it!!!🥳) I love to draw and just be occupied with a task!!! To summarise my personality I am a Hinata kinnie 🌻4/5, Bokuto kinnie 🌻5/5, and also, yes, an Oikawa kinnie 🌻2.5/5. When I say I am a 5/5 Bokuto kinnie I mean it *sigh*. I am great at being happy, but when I'm not it's just confusing and I get upset about being upset🤡 I am literally a smart person like I go to a selective school, but I am failing half of my classes just because so uh... Spelling and math. That's all. I rate them 0/10 because nope. I don't really listen to much music because I prefer podcasts... I like YouTube videos over those though👍. I need to be doing something, like I literally CANNOT handle just lying down and doing nothing... that's why my sleep schedule is messed up sma. I am still hyper even though I am not sleeping nearly enough wow😳 Yellow is my favourite colour because it's a happy colour!!! When I text people it's a mix of KAJDKAKDAKKDFK and me just spaming in all capital letters, withiught checking the spelling🤩. Idk if that's enough information but WORK YOUr MAGIC🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

You,,, you sound like such a ray of sunshine?? And you really weren’t kidding when you said Hinata kinnie?? Bruh??

Anyways, I’ll match you up with Lev!!!

Because oh my gosh?? That’d be so pure?? You’re so hyper and optimistic and Lev just loves that, he really likes being around you because you just make things fun and great and wow?? He’s absolutely smitten by you. When he first met you, the first thing he said to strike up a conversation was “are you related or do you know a small guy named Hinata by any chance?” And if you tell him that, no, you’re not related to a Hinata, he’s shocked?? But also relieved because if so it could have gotten awkward. And honestly just from that question you send the two of you into such entertaining and interesting conversation topics that Lev couldn’t stop thinking and talking about you. Seriously, Kenma was about to throw hands if he heard your name leave his lips one more time.

I’m CONVINCED that Lev is the type of person to send you links to YouTube videos that can be about ANYTHING. People building pools from nothing? Sent. “Vines that really butter my croissant”? Sent, sent. Cute cat videos? SENT. Theories on why the expansion of the universe means that we cannot and are not alone and that other life forms already know we exist? That’s sent, but around 3 AM. And he never expected you to watch the videos and call him to give him feedback and talk about it excitedly with him, but when you did he fell even more for you like you’re killing him?? Can’t he just marry you NOW??

Overall, 111/10, very very cute couple this boy is so weak for you, you’re his everything.

Songs!! (I headcanon that Lev’s taste in music is either very mainstream, or russian)

- Therefore I Am, Billie Eilish (he never listens to lyrics, if it’s a bop it’s a bop and when you tell him the true meaning he’s Shooketh but also wow powerful??)

- Fallout, Marianas Trench

- Troublemaker (feat. Flo-Rida), Olly Murs

- Cracked Actor, David Bowie (baby had noooo idea abt the meaning of the song omg please it was so funny when you explained it to him)

~My magic has been worked~

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some random numbers: 1, 3, 6, 15, 23, 31, 35, 40. give me ur ungodly long answers.

lmaooo YES brevity whom......i cannot be concise

1) favorite videos?

i sure spent 2010 - 2014 enjoying youtube horror interpersonal-drama series marble hornets, those are a good time. and here in the future you and i both know there is just a wellspring of wrol-related Video Content out there, god damn, i really love so many of them.....in between that there’s sure been a lot of fun and funney videos and like, some Artistique ones i like to revisit [or have disappeared :( ] but i always like to promote this Wuthering Heights one. i love it. oh lol!!!! and the uh, Skate 3 Glitch compilations!!! so so funny

3) favorite memes?

i think Deep Fried Memes are fun all the time lol. the Youtube Meme of “___ but ____” is a lot of fun OH YEAH steamed hams was awesome too. the 24601 Releases A Sammich On Parole ytp is priceless......this is just turning into favorite videos again lmao. vine as a meme and a whole

6)favorite mixes?

you know i never really made or used playlists lol!!!! i will just be like, in the mood for certain songs or else like “i want to listen to music but....which ones”.....i say i can never be concise and all of these answers turning out short lol. it’s not b/c i’m Concise but b/c like, i don’t know what Favorites i have and i don’t have a memory that works without Direct Reminders of Specific Things so i’m just failing to like, come up with the info in the first place smh

15) favorite fictional characters?

here we go lol i can answer this one cuz when i have a fave rave it’s rare and like, easier to remember cuz i do not Go Hard about it that often.....weirdly for the first few years of The Decade i did’t really have such certain faves.....i was def enjoying some characters, as i always do, but nothing like super standout. then in ‘11 or ‘12 or whatever i was like oh hey, ed from cowboybeboy.......and then just had like, the solo experience of me humoring myself w/ that. bit of an usual one b/c a lot of the characters i Really latch on to will tend to be kinda roughly similar in ways that maybe seem pretty at-first-glance levels of obvious, buuut idk she’s not That far off from my usual selections i guess lol. anyways then in 2014 i was like, time to go ham for lars. what a valuable time it was....what Fun we had.....truly tho! and then another interval later it’s 2016 and for similarly (relatable characters of roughly the same cut) i was like, well here i am having a great time re: kip, all while getting to generously use of my fave shade of blue and fangs central and all that fun stuff. and then another interval later the Eventual Unfolding of what started innn 2017 i guess occurs, and it’s late 2018, and i’m like, time to look into Jared Kleinman b/c just from reading the wikipedia summary that didn’t mention him all that much i could tell this was probably a character i’d go ham for for predictable reasons, and the vague interest in that has stuck with me for the past little-over-a-year......and then i was Completely right lol. deh? well that’s just Bonus Jared Lore, to me (though of course alana in her own right is a great and similarly underappreciated character. rights)....and then of course i’ve had a lot of fun with pretty much each and every Wrol Role lmao.......Very fond of jeremy, and also christine, and bmc just has really enjoyable and interesting characters all over the place. and of course, here i am, Extremely #about winston quantbillions as another certified fave rave, really. call it classic!!!

[[answered both 23 and 31 prior, actually.....words were typed....]]

35)a random memory you remember with strange clarity?

tough one because lol a fair amount of “you recorded this memory in a fair amount of detail” is due to increased levels of unpleasantness / stress / discomfort, and if it’s also “i remember this b/c it was Nice” then i wouldn’t call that Strange clarity lol, and Random Memory like “just pull one up from the ol memory bank” is like, god, i wish it were that simple........but give me a min.

oh yeah i had a High Time of it when pokemon go came out (only pokemonn game i have ever played lol) coz there was like, this stretch of Landmarks stops that started at this garden and went along this waterfront / connected park forrr maybe like a half mile stretch? ideal territory and people would actually like, come from out of town to partake in it lol. and i’d Download podcast eps on my phone from my work’s wifi and just like, in the evening listen to that or music and just like, walk and do this shit. i had like five or six gyaradoses at one point cuz i guess the riverside nature of it meant they wanted to throw all these magikarp at you (there Were carp, also! one of the parks had a koi pond.) and like, there were just all these people around doing it along with you, even that late at night and in the early AM hours, so it was fairly social even if u weren’t there with a group or talking with anyone (though there was Camaraderie like, oh hey just so you guys know, there is a ____ over by the boat.) and it was just an interesting Walk with several things to look at and routes to take. and one time in a weird Dead Of Night time like 1am there was this like, smallish cruise ship docked that actually Set Off. and like, a bunch of us randos were just standing there and watching this unfold. this isn’t a very good Clear Random Memory but if i tried to think of a good one, god only knows how long it’d take me lol

40)an important personal revelation?

oh jeez this has really been a decade with lots of the unfortunate combo of “stuff that is a bummer but also boring” lol.......a benefit of getting to spend more time than not Away From The Parents’ House was like, oh sweet, having this perspective for long enough finally leads me to the conclusion of why i hate this......B/c It Is Bad. oh yeah and then there was also conclusively figuring out early in the decade like oh right, i’m trans, that makes sense.......other layers of Gayassedness like oh, more specifically i’m nonbinary, oh yeah and like, i’m not straight, call that queer and/or bi and/or also Gay......bein grey ace like a champ, and aromantic like, oh yeah i’m not like, fucking up at being a person somehow and Letting People Down by not wanting to date them (i mean besides rando cishet men. they can be let down regardless).....and just like, this ongoing process of getting the space to b figuring out myself and what i like For myself in alll kinds of ways....even up till now with the “oh yeah ive been a theatre gay all my life lmaooo” bit that’s like, totally obvious but just like, i didn’t much have the reason to even look at the would-be obvious stuff from the right perspex till now. and it’s pretty fun to realize a Lifelong Area Of Big Interest like that, cuz those sorts of things can feel elusive. and then also unfortunately a lot of the decade has involved like, “oh my self-esteem is so fucked that it’s circling back around and i’m appreciating and valuing myself and that i deserve decent treatment and Not bad shit,” which was a crappy process obviously lol but it was nice when i did start to get there, and making further progress on that front. im not dead certain when i was like “hmm...am autistic” b/c that was definitely a really ongoing process of figuring that out lol, but when / as i did it’s definitely a series of “oh hahaha this is why i’m like This or why i do This or feel like This about This!!” and it’s really easy to learn a totally Brand New Thing all the time abt bein autistic where it’s like Oh #Me!! coz yknow. the info By and For autistic ppl is not always widely available and known of. love that for us

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

tma for the fandom asks!!

under the cut bc its kinda long?

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: a match between martin, jon and tim!!!! i love them so much!!! (then sasha and peter and georgie and michael)

Least Favorite character: hm....... i dont really dislike any character? but a character i dont rly care abt would be melanie ngl (i did dislike daisy the entire last season, but now shes chill). NO WAIT elias fgdfg, a very passive dislike, a general ¯\_(ツ)_/¯-nes for him yknow?

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): JONTIM! TIMARTIN! PETERMARTIN! hmmmmm then a match between jongeorgie, timsasha and jonsasha

Character I find most attractive: tim :^) and...... peter.. and .. martin

Character I would marry: sasha.......................honey............

Character I would be best friends with: can i say tim? idk if Best friends but good friends for sure! 

a random thought: a great podcast! would love for it to have music (music is v important to me, and one of the reasons i adore wolf359), but given the format i can understand why it doesnt have any u_u

An unpopular opinion: i dont give a shit abt the extintion. I mean the statement Sounds cool but i dont care abt the fear itself. I Understand it but still, cant wait for peter’s plan to work and/or fuck shit up

My Canon OTP: .............i mean, jon and georgie dated.... so......

My Non-canon OTP: jontim..... is canon..... in my heart ;~;

Most Badass Character: basira, gertrude and georgie

Most Epic Villain: hes not epic but FUCK if i dont love him, peter, of course (WAIT NO, MICHAEL,LOVE THAT FUCK)

Pairing I am not a fan of: jone*ias. Pretty ironical considering i otp petermartin, but that ship makes me really uncomfortable for some reason? And then..... well......... i like jonm*rtin, but mostly when its angst and/or one-sided... im sorry but i really dont care abt fluff w/ those two (unless its on a polyship!). Also like, any of the guys w/ basira, daisy or melanie, mostly bc i strongly hc them as lesbians (daisy x jon is p cute and i do kinda support it, but yeah not rly ship it)

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): hmm cant think of anyone? bessides KILLING sasha

Favourite Friendship: jon and daisy :) also jon and georgie in s3!!!!

Character I most identify with:.......... jon (and a lil bit w/ martin)

Character I wish I could be: peter (listen............................... i too wanna be rich, evil, have a nice voice and impecable humor and a hot boyt-///shoot)

thank you!!!

[hopefullyababe]

;w;

ok obviously everyone go follow @amateur-artist bc theyre really sweet and very funny

but ALSO

@solareidolon posts about horror/general podcasts (as well as other horror content and your general funnyposting) and it is literally one of the kindest people ive met. (also sometimes it posts abt projects its working on and thas like the highlight of my month. its always doing something cool.)

@enby-catgirl is a homestuck artist and their work literally always inspires me. the colors fuck so hard, and the LINEART. *MWAH* he also posts about american girl dolls, and his many many other interests! haven has such a rich personality and u can really see it in everything they do.

@trashpremiium is literally just a guy. go follow them or else. *holds u at gunpoint*

(xes genuinely so fucking funny. xe posts alot abt dnd, those minecraft homosexuals, and also stranger things recently. xe is my bestest friend and i am so glad to have them in my life. theres just something so likeable about them. maybe im biased tho ;3)

((FUCK WAIT ALSO THEY HAVE AN ART BLOG AND THEIR ART IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE. GO FOLLOW @zephyr-draws))

@cherry-pie-bi is just a little guy. they do funnyposting, but also tmaposting and recently stranger things. august. is fucking hilarious. whatever sauce theyre on that makes them so funny i want it.

@quiplex <- this guy posts abt starwaes or soemthing idk

@crit20lesbian does lots of funnyposting, but theyre also a tma author! and theyre REALLY GOOD. genuinely their fics fuck so hard if u like tma go check them out. (also their art is so good 🥺🥺🥺 go follow their art blog -> @jevonne) also they have the best tags in the world and their whole vibe is :chefskiss:

also i know that prev also tagged tem but @purplexiasphinx is the best. guys go follow them. somehow they have all the spice of a retired homestuck veteran but they completely skipped over the homestuck part. what the fuck. (also genuinely tem is so fucking funny. they also have some kinda special sauce thay makes them hilarious.)

@bee-ideas this bitch. they have the secretest sauce of them all. the posts? fire. the vibes? immaculate. the penis? slayed. you may be asking yourself: how do they do it? satanic rituals.

(go follow them, they are hilarious. a post of theirs will cross my dash and brighten my entire day.)

@prototypeblues LITERAL BEST SENSE OF HUMOUR IN THE WORLD. the vibes are immaculate. they post abt anime alot id tell u which animes but im not an anime guy sadly :pensiev: this guy rules check them out

@werwaser is a funnyposter but also does the Gay Minecraft Guys. they are. so. So funny. they are the most >:3 ever. they are a tiny cat who got a tumblr blog. and theyre QUICK TOO literally theyre just always Like That. even in dms bestie how. how does ur mind do that. how are u so funny.

i think thats everyone. go check them out!!

(also, click prev to see all the other blogs ppl are shouting out!! cant vouch for them personally, but definitely go check those out if u have the time!!)

It's Show & Tell Time!

Reblog and tag a blog (or blogs) you think others should follow!

[thebrightsessions]

Abt you not confirming any characters as poc: It feels a little performative. Like you go on and on abt how important representation is but you leave poc out in the cold. And this isn't even addressed in a way that makes it seem like you care or have thought abt it. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's a little (a lot) upsetting

I’m really sorry that it seems like I don’t care or that I don’t think about it - I do care and I spend a lot of time thinking about this exact subject. But, like 98% of my thinking, I tend to keep it to myself or conversations with close friends and collaborators. The internet is not always the best place to learn and grow. I even debated answering this ask publicly (or at all - as you guys know, there’s about 900 unanswered asks in here) because I’m always afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, but I want to be transparent about this kind of stuff so that I can learn how to be better. 

This is a long post because I want to be as blunt and thorough as possible, so the rest under the cut. 

Representation is important but by talking about how I think representation is important, I in no way want to suggest that I am perfect or comprehensive with representation in my own work. I apologize if it’s ever come off that way - that is not my intention. I’m still learning and growing all the time - as is the greater population and wider entertainment world - and this inevitably means that I’m going to make mistakes or be behind the times or have major blind spots. I try to stay aware of my blind spots and listen to people around me who are smarter and better, but that doesn’t mean I can instantly course correct. 

When I first started The Bright Sessions, never mentioning anyone’s appearance in the show was a specific intention. I wanted our listeners to be able to imagine whatever they’d like to imagine and, selfishly, I was excited to see different interpretations in fanart, should we be lucky enough to have people drawing our characters. I naively thought that was unequivocally a good thing. After all, I loved imagining my own personal versions of the characters in books I read or podcasts I listened to - isn’t that the benefit of having no visual reference? I realize now how short-sighted that was. I still do think there’s beauty in having a completely open sandbox when it comes to visuals, but I also know better now that concrete representation is vital. 

Since then, I’ve been grappling with different questions. If I were to confirm someone’s race, would I be taking away something from someone? What’s the balance of having concrete, meaningful representation versus leaving doors open for listeners to make characters their own? I didn’t think about race in casting - perhaps another naive choice - so in making any races canon, would I have to recast? Limit the character’s race to the actor’s race? Are the rules different in voice acting? 

And, were I to make something canon, how would I do so within the podcast? This might seems like a lazy, cop-out question to ask myself, but it is something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. Certain characters have voiced their sexuality out loud because sexuality is something you can’t see, but it might feel awkward or shoe-horned in to have a character identify their own or someone else’s race out loud. In TV and film, the representation is there because you can see it - it isn’t being told to you. But of course, people do talk about their own experiences as a POC in real life, but that would mean writing a conversation specifically about the POC experience, which I feel isn’t my place to write. So, then, ideally I’d hire a POC writer, except I only recently started getting paid for writing this show myself and the last thing I want to do is cash in on someone’s experience and talents and then not pay them. That seems like the way worse option. 

Now, you might ask, “why not just confirm it on here or somewhere else online?”. Because it’s one thing for me to answer questions about a character’s favorite food or birthdays, but in my opinion, something as important as racial representation only counts if it’s actually in canon. I’ve confirmed some things that are heavily suggested in the podcast, but I’ve tended not to give answers about things like sexuality and race because until those things appear in the show, I have no right to claim them publicly for my characters. That’s how I feel right now but, as with all of this, my feelings may evolve. 

(sidebar: I did confirm Chloe’s panromanticism on tumblr before getting to it in the show, but she was already out as ace and I had a pretty decent idea that we were going to talk about her exes down the line)

So those have been some of the many thoughts that have been running through my head the past two and a half years and I still don’t have perfect answers for them. They are not at all meant to be excuses - I’ve been fairly upfront about the fact that my two big blind spots as a writer are gender and race representation. I know. That doesn’t mean I know how to be better. To be totally honest, I’m pretty scared to tackle those subjects as a white cis writer. I feel more surefooted writing queer characters - even ones with a different identity than my own - and male characters - even though I’m a woman - because men have been represented plenty in media. But when there’s already such a dearth of good POC representation (and the spectrum of gender representation) it feels like a much weightier thing to take on. But that should in no way stop me. Just because I fear identifying a character’s race in an audio format might lead to clunky dialogue, doesn’t mean it has to sound exposition-y and awkward. If I want to be a good writer, I need to find ways to write meaningful representation in multiple mediums, without sacrificing smoothness of writing. If representation is important to me in my work - which it is - I need to walk the walk and make sure that I’m considering what the breadth of representation actually means. 

(another sidebar because it always bears repeating: not everything can be everything for everyone. I get a lot of asks along the lines of “will you ever have a character who is x” and the reality is that I’m not running through a checklist of groups to represent in my work because I think that does lead to bad storytelling. That being said, if I want to challenge myself by telling new and diverse stories (diverse in the broadest sense of the word) and if I’m someone who believes that entertainment can be a force for positive change, I will do my best to widen the spectrum of the characters I’m writing. But: I am not at all obligated to do so. If a writer wants to tell the same story about the same people in 900 different ways for the rest of their life, they are allowed to do that. I wouldn’t want to do it - I personally believe that if you’re making something for potential mass consumption (as anything on the internet is), you’d ideally have good intentions that it would have a positive influence on the world. But the entertainment you consume does not have a responsibility to you. An artist is responsible for their art - if you make something and it has an affect on the world, negative or positive, you have to live with that. But as an audience member, I don’t think I’m owed anything by what I consume because I choose what I consume, and all the baggage that comes with it. If I waited for that piece of art that is perfect in representation and entirely unproblematic, I would be waiting quite literally for forever. Which brings me to my final point...) 

To be completely, brutally honest, there’s a trend on tumblr/the internet in general that I’ve seen grow exponentially in the past ten years that really worries me. And that is the constant tearing down of anything deemed even slightly problematic. I’ve grown so much as a human and artist in the past three years alone and I live in fear of making a mistake that will end my career and alienate my audience forever. It’s easy to get the impression from the internet that there is no room for growth. I would be lying if I said that wasn’t a factor in me steering away sometimes from things where the chances of me fucking up and courting hate are high. Again - not an excuse. I shouldn’t give a rat’s ass what people on the internet think of me, I should stop being a coward and try things that are important to me, even if I do them badly on the first try. But I’m human and the truth is that strangers on the internet being mean to me actually really fucking hurts. And it especially hurts if I don’t even get a second try to do better. It is impossible and extremely dumb for me to wait for a time when I feel like I can tell certain stories without messing them up, but I think that’s an element of what I’ve been doing. That’s bad and weak-willed and I’m sorry. 

(final sidebar: this ask is not an example of the above. This isn’t a rude ask - you are well within your rights to be upset about this and as much as it stings to know I’ve disappointed listeners, it’s always good for me to know because that’s how I grow. I’m talking more about the hypothetical fear that I try to deliver on something that’s important to lots of people and fail and get a lot of means asks and then have a long cry about it.)

I don’t know if this sheds any light on my thought process or just muddies things further - I’m clearly still figuring things out. I think the main thing I’m trying to say is: I hear you and I know and I’m going to try and do better but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do things perfectly or even well. None of what I’ve said here makes up for the lack of representation or lets me off the hook, but I hope it gives you some insight into where I’m at now. The original run of TBS will unfortunately always be lacking in this regard - there’s nothing I can do to change that. But in projects moving forwards, I fully have the intention to highlight new voices and stories and perspectives. Especially now that I’m in more of a position to actually pay people. But I’m not going to sit here and promise you that I’ll satisfy you with my writing in the future. I have no idea if I will. I have no idea if I’ll even satisfy myself. All I ask, from you and all our listeners and my team and even myself, is that we continue being honest with each other and that we always, always leave room for growth. 

I’m sorry I’ve failed you, but I hope you’ll give me a chance to do better in the future. Stay strange. 

[assholemurphy]

so i forgot rafiki had a thing tonight (some video game thing the comp club puts on every semester, i wanna go to one but like, too many nerds, too many gross ‘nice guys’, etc) so i didn’t get kidnapped tonight, so my friends and i (minus rafiki, but plus gg, who is new and fucking great) hung out and ate cake. and we made a podcast (that will probs never be uploaded until we get enough common sense between us to have a solid fucking plan of what we want to do besides make bad jokes) which was great until somehow we got on the topic of trans ppl and pb and i got into an argument abt it (guess who’s on what side) and i can’t even remember how it was brought up??? but i’ve told him countless times i don’t want to argue abt lgbtq+ issues bc he’s a dumbass (like, he’s a great fucking guy, an absolute amazing human being, but he’s got misguided views and just generally doesn’t try to understand when i say stuff regarding lgbtq+ stuff) which just fucking spiraled into a p heated argument and i ended up crying bc i do that. i’ve got a lot of trauma regarding bdays and other family holidays and arguing tonight just made it so much worse, which sucks bc it was a rly nice day before that, like, i actually enjoyed it so much that when i was supposed to blow out my candles, i couldn’t think of a single wish so goldilocks blew them out for me, it was great. i’ve never been unable to think of something i want to wish for before, but like, being in theatre/finding my place in the world, finding the self confidence necessary to have sex with ppl when i feel like it (i’ve got two guys currently that wanna fuck me, but one of them sends up MAJOR warning signals so i’m probs not gonna fuck him, plus 1 maybe 2 girls that wanna fuck, it’s great, i love this shit, makes me feel good abt myself), having an apartment so i don’t have to live on campus/go home every break, and having some of the most amazing friends in the world, i couldn’t think of anything i rly wanted in that moment. i’ve got them, that enough for me, ya know? but then the argument started (and it wasn’t like the previous one we’d had abt communism vs. capitalism we’d had while the cake was baking bc that one evened out p quickly and we actually talked instead of just talking over each other) and everything went to shit. he threw his phone at me to make me read a source he’d found and i just kinda broke bc i’ve had things thrown at me all my life and even tho he said he didn’t do it in anger, it felt like it was, so i got pissed off and told him if he did it again, i’d hurt him (i’m a v angry person and i can get incredibly violent when i feel threatened or when i’m triggered back into a place where that kind of thing was the only thing keeping me alive) and so it just got worse and then he said something abt me thinking he was a horrible person and i called him a dumbass (bc that is the farthest thing from what i think, i don’t think i’ve met a better person ever, even if some of his views suck) and then i just kinda broke and hugged him and told him that he was stupid for even thinking i’d ever think that (i’m p sure i just called him a dumbass again and told him what i rly thought of him) and then things calmed down and it turned into a ‘hey, jackass (me), fix yourself, you absolute fuckwit’ talk, which we have often and things were worked out. he’s also the greatest person to hug bc while he is tiny, i trust him completely and therefore feel v safe when he’s touching me, unlike how i am with literally ever other person on the planet, and he’s the perfect height for me to put my head on his shoulder and yes, it’s nice, you should all get yourself a pretty boy, so he can make you cry and do all the exact wrong things at the wrong time and then fix them all completely by hugging you and telling you to straighten your shit out. it’s great. i could do without the first part, but like, i’ll take it. so things are fine now, i think. i hope.

but apparently most ppl in the theatre dept think i have a crush on him which is????? no???? wtf????? can a chick and a dude not be friends w/o ppl thinking this? must i be reserved and cold towards everybody in my life? am i not allowed to have a best friend that i’d kill for and trust explicitly and feel safe enough with to be the caring person i actually am underneath all my trauma? it’s fucking annoying and it bothers me so damn much. but he won’t tell me who keeps saying it and just kind of implies the whole theatre and i just, ugh, no. if i was gonna have a crush on a victory bro, it certainly wouldn’t be him. no offense to him or anything, i love the guy, but like, he’s too sweet and gentle and shit for my tastes. his brother on the other hand, well, eh, okay, this is more of a ‘if i had to pick or die’ kinda thing, bc i just can’t see myself wanting to date either one, tbh. i love them both, they mean the world to me, but they’re just friends. well, no, they’re my family, actually. but to date??? nope. but i have no idea what to do to make the dept not think this. no fucking idea. i just don’t like the idea of them thinking i’m pining after him when i’m decidedly not. the guy means the world to me and i’d fucking kill for him, hell, i’d die for him (and i don’t say that lightly), but just, no romo, dude. but w/e, i guess. let the masses think what they will, he’s perfectly aware i don’t have a crush on him and that’s all that matters (bc if those fucks made him think i did and caused our relationship to get weird, i’d kick all their asses one by one).

so i’ll probs be getting kidnapped by rafiki tomorrow night. then i’ll get drunk. but i’m also seeing my mom tomorrow after the show which will be nice (mainly bc i am broke and require a trip to walmart, mainly for soda, monster, and cigarettes, plus i need to go by the bank and put $20 on my card so i can pay the internet bill). i say nice. i mean ‘i hope it’s not painful’ but when it’s usually just us and not the rest of my family, too, then things are generally p chill. we’ll see how that works out.

i’ve got to be up at like, 11a, 12p at the latest tomorrow for the show bc call time is 12:30p (the show is at 2p, but i’ve got to sweep/mop the theatre and shit bc that’s my job as an asm, then i’ll have like 45 min to wait up in the booth with gg and pb (and eventually goldilocks) so it’ll be alright. but for right now, i’m gonna try to write a bit so i don’t fall asleep with my emotions running so high, bc if i do, the chances of me having night terrors increases tenfold. so, a bit of writing and then sleep by like 6:30a. i’ve been surviving off of 4/5 hours of sleep this week, so i’ll be fine on that much. i’ve got monster. i’ll survive. (i could survive just abt anything with enough caffeine, nicotine, and adderall, not even kidding.)

so, i’m off to write a bit. hopefully i can get at least part of the (incredibly fucking long, jfc, what the hell am i doing with my life) smut scene written tonight.