#i am not feeling beter yet

[balkanradfem]

Health news!

So, I've been having neck pain, that turned into head pain, for a year and a half now, and while I've had some more comfort since the center of pain was switched to my head, I've still been unable to walk, run, dance, jump, or use any tools like a hammer or a hoe. My right arm became functional again, but my left arm hurts from even holding a cup of tea. I had a neck MRI, and then a brain MRI, and there was no visible cause of pain, so I had a talk with my doctor, and she decided to test my blood for low vitamin D and low B12, and to check my thyroid function.

It turned out my thyroid is fine, but I had low b12, and critically low Vitamin D. She explained to me I need to get b12 shots every month, and that this could be the cause of the pain. When I came in, the doctor seemed overjoyed we finally found something concrete that is wrong with me, that we could treat, while I was wildly skeptical because I've been looking up symptoms of the deficiencies. While I had every symptom for vitamin D deficiency, I had none for b12, and only one article suggested there could be muscle pain as a result of it. Seems like feeble proof.

I have not been ignorant of my poor diet and living habits, I knew I had low vitamin D, and had supplemented it over the winter months, but apparently the store-bought dose I was taking was not enough. I did suspect a b12 deficiency as well, and was starting to take some B vitamins recently, but then read somewhere that they're dangerous to randomly take so I stopped. So what I'm saying is I knew I was sorta deficient, didn't think it was a big deal, I thought I was fixing it, I wasn't, my supplements didn't affect my pain or health. I got prescribed some powerful Vitamin D supplement, and got a b12 shot.

I have to say though, the nurse who was giving me the shot was acting ridiculous, first she was saying it to me like I'm a child, and I'm an adult, so I said 'I like shots, this won't be a problem'. She was not impressed. When she put the needle in me, I commented on how I can barely feel it, because I love acting cool in front of women with my high pain tolerance, but then she said 'When people tense their muscles it can get real bad and the needle can get stuck inside of them'. She said that while the needle was in me! I said 'I don't think I should be hearing this right now' and struggled to stay relaxed, and then she quickly pulled it out and it was fine. Maybe she just hated my positive attitude about getting the shot and needed me to be more apprehensive and afraid, which I don't feel is an attitude a medical professional should have?? Anyway. The shot was free for me so I love that.

The doctor told me 'you're going to feel much better next few months', super confidently, but I am still skeptical, I mean I wish I did feel better, and I'm relieved that something at least is getting attempted, and maybe a healthy dose of vitamin D will help with mental health, so okay, that would be an improvement. I doubt it will cure my head hurting while I walk though. Maybe I just don't understand deficiencies.

[enmmyheavenscg]

MY SITUATION .

hello everyone ! if you’re aware, you know im currently back from my break!

But my situation hasn’t gotten any better.

TW FOR ATTEMPTED SUI, MURDER MENTIONS, ABUSE - just my parents being horrible . Invasion of privacy

I don even know how to tag this properly.

Today on tuesday, July 30th 2024, 3:42 am as I am writing this.

My mental (and physical) health has worsened since everything had happend, My parents have been making me feel genuinely worst

I just happened to be in a call with a friend before oh- the first time, my parents came in and yelled at me.. my mother raised her hands up a bit, yes but. She usually does that so usually I am not affected by it but today was just. horrible.

After the first couple times they did this, they turned the wifi completely off, I was still In a call with said friend but I was muted. My parents were being absolutely horrible.

I would go detail by detail. syaing hooe the whole wrugement started but No, only thing I’ll be saying is.

My mother went absolutely ballistic and was trying to open my locked door. (Which I Have video of) she kept hurting md, threw something at me and just absolutely started screaming at me , she jus wnt crzy

My father laid his hands on me for the first time today aswell, it was a truly horrifying experience. I’ve always preferred my father over my mother yet - today trigged something inside my brain ? Made me genuinely hate him - myself , everyone around me. My younger brother was sleeping , yet we were fighting in his room .

The argument affected me, it was only an hour ago? .. couple minutes . im

not sure . It all went so fast my brain jusut ii

They kept tyryung to corneer mme and my mom trid to hold me in pllce , not allowing me to leave / get into Myy riom

I had to forcefully do so

I don’t even know what happened . Today started off so good yet endlu horriblly .

I tried

I tried to end it all after that conversation. I was messaing that said friend before, begging them to call help, crying . I’ve never felt more scared, weaker . Horrified . I tried choking myyosg and I still can’t breatffwi

im tryiy not sure how im writiing this but im doing it . I really hope I get my wifi back to be able to send this (if I do then that means I did)

I trid casling emergency servieces, I didn have service - no wifi, nothing. I ws basically stranded , in panic moddee

I wssso lightheaded, dizt and honestly felt like I eas dying (I stsuol am bu am doiing bettr(

I

I would’ve died if I kept chokiif myslf with it a bit longer

They were gona kill me though. They . Thhy said os

My mom sid my dad woul beat mme until I was dead and unconscious - my ddad sid he din lov me tdoy

My dad sid god woul mak that happen when I said I’d die

My mom threatened to murder me tdosy (twice or once) she was holding sormyuing when I ws forced to opn my door . I can’t rmebr but it was a utensil . N ths all I rembr . Was it a knife? No clie. was it something else ? no clu

Theve alwys been horubel but this was jut icing on cak . I just need to get mor evidence on wht tehy did . Then I havs my proof . (I mite attach wht my mom did to my lock . I rmeber . 4? 3? Years ago she brok it .

And now it’s even more borkn. It may not look like it but it is. N sometiije thi year she brok mmy doorhsndle. Iiz awful here

I truly wanna leave but I hav no choice)

im

I’m just so scard, I’m mortified geniunlly

photdo down here + vudeo if I can (took the screenshot at 03:51 so ths why it says tagt) plus one I jus took .

sory I knowthuu iz all too much but I’m so

So

done here. . I add more on as I can try and remember beter . I don’t feel like myself currently so it’s quite hard to remember stif that . Doesn’t but also does feel like me

(ddin add all images.)

Poease . If you rpost thji pls do . I need to get outta herre soon enough

If you wanna talk to me- @ahaclownnoises is my main / my discord

[thetreefairy]

an euphoric night

p.1 - masterlist

@slasherscrybaby here is part two to your request

Warnings: yandere themes, reader lies to erasermic telling them that their new friend has a partner, erasermic are gaslighting reader into not working, yandere shigaraki is a warning on its own, eri and hitoshi are also kinda yandere for us, this shit long AF. they/them reader

Shigaraki tomura couldn't believe it.

Aizawa Reader, gave him, their number.

Eraserhead's child gave him their number.

And they healed them, without even knowing his name.

When he was at the hide out, he immediately got animal crossing ready. He needed an excuse to talk to them, he needed to know how much they even know about the League of Villains, he needed to become their friend.

He just needed to text them, but what should he say?

Tomura to Reader: Hi, we met at the game shop...

No... That didn't seem right....

Tomura to reader: 'Hi, it's Tomura, is this Reader?'

Yeah, that seems right... Then he can confirm that it's truly Aizawa Reader.

Reader to Tomura: Hii Tomura, this is reader :D, I'm so happy you decided to text me :D

Tomura couldn't help but chuckle at the quick response, it seems that the rumors are true, Eraserheads and Present mics oldest child truly is desperate for friends.

Yet it seemed endearing and cute to him.

Tomura to reader: Thank you for healing my neck, and a new gaming buddy? I am not going to pass that up.

'This won't scare them off right?' He thought as he scratched his neck. Then he got a notification:

*Reader changed Tomura to Tomu-Tomu*

he chuckled, they truly are cute.

Reader to Tomu-Tomu: Its no problem, just make sure to not scratch your neck that much. Well I hope we can be great gaming buddies Tomu!

Perhaps he should give them a nickname too. And he has just the one in mind

*Tomu-tomu changed Reader to player two*

Tomu-tomu to player two:

Send me a list of games you play, player two~ maybe we can play multiple games together :D

Tomura couldn't help but feel giddy, Eraserheads child, talking to him, without knowing who he truly is. Oh how exciting.

Player two to tomu-tomu:

I have to focus on dinner right now, my dads are glaring at me lol, I'll send you a list afterwards :D

Tomu-tomu to player two:

Alright, eat well.

Reader themselves were eating dinner with Erasermic and their siblings as their phone pinged the whole time. And with every ping Reader picked it up, typed something and then put it down.

"Are you done?" Shota asked annoyed. "Yes, sorry." Reader whispered as they ate. "who is texting you?" Hizashi asked. "tomu-tomu! I met him at the game shop with his partner!" Reader lied smoothly. The eyes of their siblings and fathers softened instantly.

"Thats great, but why is he texting you so much?" Eri asked, tilting her head confused. "Oh, he wanted me to send a list of games I play so that we can see how many games we can play together. I told him I would later."

Shota hummed in agreement. "I heard from Hitoshi that you went to a cat Cafe with him and that you got a job offer there." Oh, reader already knew how this would go, Reader glared at Hitoshi and said: "They did, I told them I would think about it, apparently I fit their aesthetic."

This time Hizashi spoke up: "But don't you already have enough allowance?" Reader gulped at his tone, it was clear he didn't want them to work there. "I do." They admitted but continued: "but I would like to work for my money too. It gives a sense of fullfillment, I guess."

"then you can do extra chores for extra money." Hizashi said. "Don't you agree, Shota?"

"Indeed, it seems like a way beter idea then working in a café." Shota agreed, Hitoshi nodded in agreement causing reader to groan in annoyance. Eri sudddenly asked; "what if you get kidnapped by a villain and get experimented on like me?"

Reader stared at their younger sibling in shock. "Eri, did you have a nightmare again?" They blurted out. "Do you want to have a sleepover in my room?"

It seemed that Reader was oblivious to how they wear their Heart on their sleeve. To the point even Eri could manupilate them with ease.

"We can have a family sleepover." Hitoshi counter suggested. "Okay!" Eri shouted happily, she knew that she did exactly what her parents taught her. They must be so proud of her! And they were, Erasermic smiled at their youngest child.

"I'll decline the offer." Reader told Eri with a small smile. However everyone in the room could sense Reader's disappointment.

They were always quite easy to read.

"Can I be excused?" Reader asked. "Of course." Hizashi said with a smile and then asked; "Are you going to send that game list and rest?"

"Yeah, if we are going to have a sleepover, sleeping won't be a top priority." They teased their family, causing Eri to giggle.

When Erasermic saw reader disappear upstairs they couldn't help but think:

I hope that that 'Tomu-Tomu' won't take Reader from us.

If anyone wants me to make a taglist for this post, tell me and I'll add you to it.

this is kinda long ngl

[yoshimickster]

I'M DONE-oh thank all that is dark and pure I am DONE with Wish!

I don't know if its an ADHD thing, but when I see something overwhelmingly STUPID I need to take several minute breaks.

I started this movie a little before 10. It is 5:26 when I'm typing this.

Like the climax was KINDA okay, but Magnifico was horribly written, Queen Amaya should've been evil as well, and I want my god damn romance between a sorceress in training and a STAR PRINCE dammit!

ALSO...wwwwwwwwwwwhy the seven dwarves?! Like, Asha is supposed to be the god damn Fairy Godmother, yet they make her friends NOT ONLY characters from another story, but characters who are ALLEGORIES of characters from another story!

And OH WOW-the wish granting villain ended up turning into the Evil Mirror, haven't seen that since "Once upon a time" only it somehow feels even MORE stupid!

UGH-bad movie, glad I watched it so I can appreciate the beauty of all around me but UGH could've been so much beter.

[theddude]

Before bed,..

So while I was praying for you, like i always do,... i was talking with Him,..I said,..

I dunno sir, you've put me here,.. to be what i am now,..? Lost in sadness and loss off the love of my life,..to what purpose?,.. you are gracious i've learned and have seen,.. then why this, now for us?... im not sure if i be able to outlive this summer and continue in anxiety for what to come,..

I know that she misses me as well, loves me, wants to hugg me,..

I Hope she wants me back,...

Every day i have a loud noice in my head, keeps on getting louder,.. I know where its from,..

I had signs from you up above that we will be together again,... and I know I have to trust you too,...

But thats the thing, i don't trust easily because off,.. well,.. everything really,.. but there are 4 people I trust, You, Her, My Dad, and myself,... you 3 are still no problem atm... but myself im struggling with,... because I want to live for you 3 as best as i possibly can,... spend my life devoted to that,... im flawed but i try my best,... i really do,.. You gave us love, just like you gave it to the animals,.. to become soulmates,.. like in the animal world as well,.. but we people make it hard on ourselves i guess,... the basic idea of the love we have is not to confine it, but to excersize it,.. we people made it confined in rules and convention, just to make it easy for the not-so-in-love-partners to grant an easy partnership,.. in nature love works in a way that constantly requires effort en admiration, affection and exercition of love for each other,... and we as humans put an ring on each others hand, buy occaisionally flowers and gifts, and almost see not beeing upset with oneanother a sign of affection.... is this how you intended it when you created this on this planet?...if we look at nature we know the answer already,...so thanx for your reply,..but, ive devoted my life to Her, couldnt excersize how we really wanted just yet,.. but we had rough plans,..and a thing to look forward to,.. and I couldnt show my affection as much as I would have liked, but there was time, our moment still had to come,...she also gave the devotion, love, affection back to me,... we have a click, an unbreakable connection,.. and I thank you for that,...

But now she is out of reach, out of touch,.. the more she is in my mind, my heart, my soul, my everything,... but it feels like this anxiety is swordfighting with my soul,.. and she gives signs she is winning,.. winning for team me and her,... but i don't got her back in my arms just yet,... can you help? Because im struggling a lot,... can you also help my love? I worry about her a lot, and she needs all the help she can gett,...She is the most amazing human beeing you have givin me to meet and build an relationship with,...I don't want to live without her anymore,... and i think i can't as well,..

Thanx for listening, im not much, but one of the team,..

So after that, I looked at my phone,... thinking, need to share this,..

You see, im not okay, but thats okay, its harder every day, and know it wont get beter,..im patient, i will be,.. but o hope so much its not in vain, and we will be back together again...

Love you Bestie, soulmate, lover...

[nevergiveupalwayskeepfighting]

9/27/2023

So....long time no posing. I....I have not been well. I have so much pent up and my depression is at an all time high and my god its so bad. My anxiety is up too, God i have had 9 anxiety attacks this year alone. My best friend and my girlfriend are both trying to help me and I feel like I'm fucking ailing. I have so much medical debt, loan debt for my truck that is currently down, I don't know how much i can take and yet, here I am, ignoring my feelings and pushing them down and down and down and I now that its not healthy by any means. My best friend, A, has been seeing a therapist for her own anxiety and depression and she's told me that wrighting my own thoughts out is a good thing to do. I've been meaning to for a few days and haven't so I've revived this blog and reworked it. A,M, if yall find this and read this by chance...im sorry for keeping so much bottled up and hidden but I cant let my shit bother you two cause yall have enough on your plates as it is. I love you both. My grandmother on my fathers side died a week ago, my vehicle is down, I don't really eat breakfast or lunch much anymore, I'm almost always numb or easy to make aggravated or upset, I'm trying so hard to be strong for everyone else. I feel like I'm failing at so much and I cant fucking keep up with everything...im in so much debt, I'm trying so hard to make ends meet but it isn't working. I want to make ends meet and be able to help my friends and family DAMN IT I WANT TO FUCKING FEEL BETER AND NT BE LIKE THIS I WANT TO BE MYSELF AGAIN!!! WHY HAS THE PST COUPLE OF YEARS BEEN ONE SHIT SHOW AFTER AFUCKING NOTHER WHY CANT I FUCKING SEEM TO GET ONE SINGLE GODDAMN BREAK?!?1?1 I just want a break....I want to be able to not worry about much....fuck.....i hope that my truck isn't bad...I.....I think I'm gonna wright a list of things that's bothering me, that I'm stressed about...I think that's a good idea.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

One thing that hit me really hard last night and still does (hence me making a post. Screaming at the void makes me feel beter) is that I made my Discord server on Feb 17th. Almost three weeks after the Avenging Ranboo stream.

And I remember very clearly how often we would joke about looking forward to the first 'Techno dsmp lore stream' we'd get to experience together. How the server would lose their collective minds. How we would scream and laugh in the watch party.

In the end the only Technoblade content we got to experience together was the Hypixel charity stream with Ranboo, Tommy's tournament video, and the VR video. And each time was such a blast. For the charity stream in particular I recall staying up till 4 am just to freak out with my friends.

But I really was looking forward to a dsmp stream. My server is built around c!Techno. We talked about him constantly, theorized, shared and made fanfic and fanart. He brought us together.

It's so bittersweet to think we didn't know yet that c!Techno's story was already over. We never got to experience that hype together.

(there are a lot of older streams me and some others on my server never saw beyond clips. Pogtopia, Nov 16, the butcher army, Doomsday. When things calm down and the pain isn't so fresh, we'll hold a watch party. We WILL get to watch lore together.)

[xmalfoyweasleyx]

Infuriating- D.M (smut)

Summary: Draco is mean to you, he always is. But it turned you on, it made you go crazy. What you didn’t know is that it was obvious. What you didn’t know is that Draco knew. And it made him want to destroy your innocence.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT!, cursing, innocence kink, dom!draco, choking, praising, daddy kink and slapping

A/n: I absolutely LOVE this! I love the story line behind all the filthy stuff lol.

Words: 2k

He was a git. He was mean to you the whole time, for years already. You never knew otherwise, you were used to it. He pushes you, he yells mean things like "silly Y/H" or "stupid little girl" or he humiliates you in front of everyone.

But it did something to you. Those mean words and actions, it made your stomach tingle. Something about it made you crave him, it made you want him.

It turned you on.

You didn't know what it was but every mean word, it did hurt your feelings, but it made you wet.

Yup, there was definitely something seriously wrong with you.

Even after what just had happened. You sat in potions, thinking about the event that took place only 10 minutes ago. He literally pushed you on the floor when you tried to walk in the classroom. "Get out of my way" he said while pushing you.

You fell, your head smacked on the cold floor. You were mad this time, so so so mad.

"Fucking Malfoy! You're... your'e.." you tried to come up with a word to describe it, but failed. The anger overtook your body but the familiar butterflies in your belly were there too. It confused you.

Okay, it's not rocket science, you're just in love with the stupid little douche. But why? That was the big question. He was horrible to you.

"Infuriating? Is that the word you're looking for darling?" he answered, adding a little wink in synchrony with the typical smirk. It made you gasp. Did he just wink? Did he just say darling?

It took you a while to obtain. And now you sat here, in potions. Still so confused. Did he want you to get bent out of shape?

You sighed looking at the Slytherin boy, his light hair perfectly styled, his eyes focusing on professor Snape, while writing with his oh so perfect hands. Oh what those hands could do to me, those long fingers...

Fucking hell, why couldn't you just feel those things for some nice boy, someone who didn't push you on the freaking floor!

"Miss y/n, is mister Malfoy here more important than my class?" you heard Snape who was standing right in front of you. Where did he come from?

The whole class looked at you. This was the most embarrassing thing ever. Your face got red immediately.

"I-I-I'm sorry, sir" you mumbled.

"You can write an essay for me as punishment y/n" Snape ordered.

"WHAT? Just because of not paying attention for a second?" you snapped. Snape furrowed his eyebrows.

"You'd like detention instead?" he warned.

"I just mean, this isn't fair sir!" you trembled.

Smart. He's so angry now. "Detention at 5" he sighed.

"Of course she couldn't take her eyes off me, what a pathetic slut" Draco suddenly screamed for the whole class.

God you once dreamt he said that to you while he was pounding into you, but you didn't want it here, not in front of the whole class. They all laughed. It was horrible and you wanted to cry.

"Detention for you too Malfoy" Snape added.

Malfoy gave him a glare, squeezing the parchment in front of him harshly, trying to control himself, to not punch the professor in the face.

He looked at you, your eyes met and he saw the tear falling down. You dried the tear as quickly as you could.

You swore you saw a glimpse of guilt in his eyes.

*

5 pm

You were scribbling faster than ever, deeply concentrating on your work, trying to end this detention as fast as you can.

And then you heard the door close. Fast footsteps, walking to the desk next to you. Before you could look, you already smelled him. A big wave of the expensive cologne filled up your nose.

He didn't look at you. He was obviously not happy to be here and glared at the parchment in front of him.

"You're still staring y/l/n, didn't learn your lesson?" he hissed.

You glanced away as fast as possible, not answering him.

It made you nervous. You fidgeted with your skirt while tapping the table with your other hand.

"Stop it!!" he snapped. It scared you to hell, it almost made you fell of your chair. You flinched while shutting your eyes.

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

Dit he just...

Apologize?

“Why do you always act like this? What did I do to you? Did I do something wrong in the past?” you asked, not knowing where the courage came from.

He stood up from his chair, walking towards yours. To your surprise, he sat down on your table, facing you with a dark look.

“God, you look terrified princess. What’s wrong? Normally you always watch me with that lust in your eyes, when I humiliate you” he whispered coming closer.

You gulped, horny and embarrassed at the sime time. So much was going on in your head right now. First of all, he called you princess, where did that suddenly come from? The nickname went straight to your pussy. Already wet, but that was nothing new with that boy in front of you.

And second, he saw that you were feeling those things? Was it that obvious?

“You.... y-you see it?” you asked not wanting to look in his eyes. You stared at the big clock on the wall. Out of the blue, he grabbed your face.

His fingers pressed on your cheeks when he turned your face to look at him.

“I even see it now” he chuckled while looking you in the eyes. He probably thought you were weird, that something was wrong with you.

What you didn’t know was that Draco knew it all this time. He noticed it the first time a year ago, when he yelled something (not very nice) at you.

He noticed how it made you angry but most of all he noticed how you always gasped for air and how you looked at him with thos doe eyes. Those innocent eyes that were practically begging him to fuck you, to destroy you.

That’s why he kept doing it. He almost got addicted to the way you kept looking at him like that. So he kept torturing you, humiliating you. But you didn’t know he knew, until now. He knew you must’ve thought he was just a git, an asshole. But the truth was he never wanted to hurt you, he was just addicted to the look in your eyes when he did.

The look you were giving him now.

“I know you want me” Draco admitted.

“I, I don’t know what you mean” you stuttered trying to sound convincing.

Draco stood up and stood behind your chair now. You breath hitched when you felt him breathing in your neck.

“Oh no?” he whispered in your ear from behind. His hands slowly made his way down your body, ending on your skirt, while he kissed your neck. He lifted you skirt up gently and pressed his fingers on your clothed pussy, making you gasp.

“Then why am I feeling al this wetness here?” he asked daringly, still rubbing you.

“I still don’t know what you mean” you added, playing the game with him.

“Oh, and what about me taking your panties off? Still don’t know now?” he asked while slowly pulling your panties down.

“N-no..” you breathed loudly.

Before you even realised he placed you on the table, his legs pressed in between yours. His lips smashed on yours and you pulled him closer, your legs wrapped around his pelvis.

The kiss was passionate, it was heaven. It made your stomach twist and spin.

You grabbed his hair and deepened the kiss, moaning in his mouth when he grabbed your ass.

“You have to be a good girl now” Draco whispered when sinking down on his knees. Was this really happening?

He placed kisses on your thighs, going closer and closer to the place you wanted him.

“Please Draco, please” you begged breathing heavily. “Patience princess, patience” he answered, pushing you down on the desk, making you lay down on it now.

He did a silencing spell and locked the door.

You moaned when you felt him kissing your clit gently. He opened his mouth and sucked. His soft lips felt beter than you imagined. “Draco” you moaned. He inserted a finger while still sucking and licking gently. Your legs where trembling and you took off your shirt while he added another finger, making you moan louder.

“Please Draco, fuck me” you hissed. Draco’s pants grew tighter, his erection now painful, he was finally going to do what he wanted to do for so long. Fuck you into oblivion.

But not just yet.

“You want me to fuck you baby? You want me to destroy you the way I like to do? Just like all those times I destroyed you but now for real, now while I fuck you?” he asked huskily, still pumping into you, while holding your legs down.

“Yes please, hurt me, hate me, do what you want but please fuck me” you begged, not even feeling ashamed of it any more.

You heard his belt clicking, giving you the sign it was happening. His dick finally faced you.

God he was big. You couldn’t wait any more and whined.

“Is my little slut a little desperate?” he grunted with a raspy voice.

You nodded eagerly. “Yes daddy” you said.

The name made him crazy, almost made him come there and then. Without a warning he slammed into you, making you scream.

He didn’t move, letting you adjust a little but not for long.

Draco grabbed you, pulling you close to him. He was still standing in front of you while you were sitting on the desk.

You bit your lip while moaning. “Daddy’s going to make you feel good, because you deserve it, because you’ve been a good girl, okay?” he whispered in your ear, while you placed wet kisses on his neck.

He started moving, making you gasp. You grabbed his back and he grabbed your ass, allowing him to move deeper and faster.

Your forehead was on his, looking straight into his dark lustful eyes. You scratched his back, while he squeezed your ass harshly.

“Oh yes Dray, feels so good” you moaned. “That’s not my name” he grunted. “Sorry daddy” you answered looking at him with doe eyes.

He grabbed your neck, his fingers fitted perfectly around it and he squeezed gently. It made you clench around him, making him move faster. A delicate moan left his mouth.

Draco felt euphoric, waves of pleasure and excitement going through his body. He slapped your cheek. Making you gasp but also a filthy moan escaped your lips.

God it made you so horny. The pain turned into pleasure and the only thing you could hear were the fast, slapping sounds and his grunts and moans, even the table under you moved with you. For a second you were scared the table might break.

Without thinking you slapped him back. He was shocked first but a little grunt escaped his mouth. “You like that don’t you? Little slut? Does that make you feel good princess?” he grunted in your ear, making shivers go down your spine. His pace quickened, faster and faster.

“Please daddy, can i come, please” you begged while grabbing his hair and tugging on it. The action made Draco almost come too. This was the hottest moment of his goddamn life.

But he didn’t want it, not yet.

“A little patience, love” he said while turning you around and now pounding into you from behind. You gasped in shock.

He pulled on your hear when you arched your back. Your back was pressed up against his chest now and he pounded into you in an unbelievable pace.

Your head rested on his shoulder while he kissed you neck again.

You tried to not fall by grabbing the desk in front of you. His fingers were digging in your hips, pushing you up and down, clearly leaving bruises.

“Fuck” he sighed in your ear. He saw your ass wiggling while he fucked you. He was close.

“Come for me you pathetic slut, show me how good you are, come for me baby” he grunted now louder. He grabbed your boobs and trusted deep and sloppy now, still trying to hold the fast pace.

That was it for you, and you let go, seeing stars. You screamed and moaned his name. “Fuck dray” you moaned, not even caring about the name anymore. You wanted to say his name, to show him he was making you feel this good.

Hearing you moan his name like that, feeling your pussy clench and your boobs resting in his hands, made him come immediately after you. A loud grunt left his mouth: “Fuck y/n” . You both breathed heavily.

“Good girl” he sighed while placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder

You both stayed like that for a moment, still trying to process what just happened. After a while he pulled out and cleaned you up. You both put your clothes back on.

“Y/n?” he asked with a sudden shyness.

“Yes?” you answered with a little smile on your face.

“Would you... like to go to Hogsmeade with me? This weekend” he stammered, making you smirk.

“Well, if you won’t push me on the floor anymore, or scream at me or humiliate me” you smiled jokingly.

“Oh I’m going to keep that for in the bedroom from now on, darling” he smiled back, adding a wink.

***

[mytwilightimagines13]

Memories from the past (Caius Volturi)

Word count: Trigger warning: mention of depression

Okaay, so I have decided to try and make one poly story. It seems they are quite popular and since my bisexual ass loves blondes, I figured I will ship our main character with Caius and Athenodora. Also I haven’t seen this ship just yet and I want to explore it hehe. Also, I got the idea from the facebook post below, so thanks for that person for giving me an idea! Hope you guys enjoy it!

Word count: 1083 Trigger warning: mention of depression, suicide

Here lies Isabella Marie Swan September 13th 1987 – September 16th 2027 "Death lies on her like an untimely frost Upon the sweetest flower of all the field." (Romeo and Juliet, Act IV, Scene V, Line 33)

I stood as I looked at the gravestone. My mother’s gravestone. I knew what I was supposed to feel. I had to feel grief, I had to mourn. Yet I didn’t. I was relieved, happy. She was finally free, she could finally rest. “Are you ready to go, kiddo?” my grandfather asked, his voice still shaking with pain. I nodded my head, finally removing my stare from the gravestone and towards the brown orbs that belonged to my grandfather. The brown was surrounded by red as his eyes were puffy from crying. “Yes, let’s go. Shall we go to the diner?” I asked, hoping some food would lift our spirits. Grandpa simply nodded his head as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side. His hand was wrinkled yet laid firmly on them, almost afraid I would vanish as well.

“You know you aren’t allowed to drink, Xandria.” Grandpa said as I took a sip of my white wine. I chuckled. “I turn 21 next month gramps. Besides, I am allowed to drink in Scotland” I said as I took another sip. Grandpa rolled his eyes. “Yet you are in the United states right now. But I guess I can let this one drink slide for today.” He said as he took a sip of his beer. His hair was almost completely white, with some gray streaks woven through it. His face had been wrinkled and a kind yet stern look resided on it. And finally, a moustache in the same colour as his hair accompanied his features. I chuckled sadly at his remark. “Thank you, grandpa. And thank you for letting me stay here.” I said as I played around with my glass. “Anytime panda.” He said, using the nickname he gave me when I was a little chub. Grandma had once dressed me up in a complete panda jumpsuit as a toddler (yes, including with a hat that had little ears on it) and since then the nickname had stuck. The memory of it made me smile as I still had the little jumpsuit back at home.

Grandpa drove us back to his house, the ride back to it was quiet, as had our time at the diner has been. Neither of us felt like talking, not knowing what to discuss without returning to the topic that was my mother. My now dead mother. Once inside I helped grandpa get comfortable on the couch with another beer in his hand watching the football match that evening, yet his eyes where hallow. He merely stared at the screen. I kissed his cheek and made my way upstairs, towards mum’s old room. I jumped on the bed, plunging my face in the pillow as the tears finally came. Truth be told, she never really was much of a mother to me, sure she tried to be there for me but she had a crippling depression that she never could break out from. I had never seen her smile, well truly smile for that. There were only ghosts of what might once had been a genuine smile around her lips, but it never reached her eyes. I sad up and sniffed as I wiped my eyes. I had to remember that she was in a beter place now, and that she was happy. I sighed as I got up to make my way towards the bathroom, only to trip over a loose floor board. I yelped softly as I caught myself on the door handle, my other hand smacking against the wall beside it hard. “Everything okay up there, Panda bear?” Grandpa yelled from downstairs. “Yeah I am fine gramps, just lost my balance. No worries!” I yelled back as I turned around and examined the loose floorboard, only to discover it had a hidden compartment underneath. I knelt down to examine the compartment closer and found a small box hidden in it. I gently grabbed it and sat down on the bed. The box itself was a velvet blue with a simple clasp to keep the lit closed. I flicked the claps and carefully raised the lit, only to find multiple photographs of my mother and a necklace with some sort of crest on it. The crest was made of a lion, with a hand above it and three clovers in a banner underneath the lion. It was beautiful. I felt the tears burning yet again as I grabbed the pictures and started to look through them. It was my mother in her senior year of High School. She had pictures with all of her friends, they were in the parking lot, in classes or they were hanging out. But the last picture intrigued me the most. It was my mother on her 18th birthday, and she was standing next to a boy who seemed to be her age, only there was something odd about him. My eyes traced over his pale white features: the hard square of his jaw, the softer curve of his full lips—twisted in a smile, the straight line of his nose, the top of his forehead—partially obscured by the tangle of rain-darkened bronze hair. He seemed almost unnatural. But the thing that shocked me the most was my mother’s smile. It was genuine. Real. It even reached her eyes. I close my eyes and try to control the tears that are threatening to fall once again. I imagined she might have smiled this way the moment before she jumped off that cliff. I imagine she might have thought about this man. Maybe he was once her true love, before she met my father. Maybe he passed away, and is that the reason why no longer could smile after both he and my father passed away. I could not imagine what it would be like to lose someone you love twice. Even if it might have been years apart. I finally opened my eyes and allowed for one last tear to slip away. I had to believe she was happy now. That she was with my father and her first love again. That she is smiling now like she did in the picture I was holding close to my chest. I just had to believe that.

[lifeofroos]

A/N: I am running out of titles. Anon said one where Clarisse watches out for her fathers’ temple and her brothers are there.

AO3 - KoFi

The Temple

Clarisse stood right in the middle of her fathers’ temple. The place was small, seemingly not bigger than a single room, and the ceiling had holes in it. She wasn’t sure whether it was some place from the ancient times or a shack in Chicago. All she knew was that she was meant to be guarding it. 

She guessed the small box that was sitting next to her needed special care, too. It was a pretty thing, silver with red, made from sturdy wood and with a intrequite little patern on it. 

Clarisse didn’t dare touch it. Knowing mythology, that would probably get her cursed. She did stay close by.

She clenched her hand around her spear. Somehow, there was something in the temple. Phobos and Deimos? No, they would have made themselves known with a whole bunch of bravado. This was just a feeling, the looming threat that something was there. Something Clarisse could do very, very little about. 

She stayed where she was. ‘Hello?’

‘Good night.’ The voice was at the same time pleasant and awful to hear.  ‘You’re not trying to fight me.’

‘There is little use in wasting energy fighting something I can’t even see.’

‘Clever.’ She could make out a face in the darkness. Gorgeous, with pink eyes and long flowing black hair. 

Her shoulders tensed. 

‘Say it.’

‘Eros. Why are you here?’

‘Yes. Why am I here, when you’ve got the order to keep out everything and everyone that tries to enter tonight?’ He snickered. ‘Don’t worry. Even our father knows nothing can stop me. He won’t blame you for that.’

‘If you had been Phobos and Deimos, I would have beaten you to a pulp.’

‘I don’t doubt it.’

Clarisse took a deep breath. ‘Why are you here?’ She asked again. 

‘That’s something I should ask you. What about this place makes the presence of love necessary?’

‘Can we agree not to speak in riddles?’

‘I genuinely don’t know the answer.’

Clarisse thought for a moment, in the meantime listening if she really didn’t hear anything else get into the temple. At least not Deimos and Phobos, she would have noticed them. 

‘Maybe the box is for you? How would I know. I am alone here. There is no-one I could feel love for.’

‘The box? Oh… yes, that might certainly be it!’

‘Is it Aphrodite’s, or something?’

‘Hm-hm.’ He nodded. ‘Yet… why would you be asked to hold on to such a thing? Why you? Why not Phobos or Deimos, or even Enyo?’

‘Don’t know. Cheap labour? Rite de passage? A test?’ 

He laughed, a sound like a memory that you couldn’t quite grasp. ‘Those all might have something to do with it.’

Clarisse began to feel fed up. ‘Say, if you don’t know the answer, why are you asking me?’

‘Why would I be asking you something I already know? Wouldn’t it be more logical to ask you because I feel like you would know?’

‘Well, I don’t. That means you can leave.’

The bastard stayed right where he was. ‘But Clarisse. You do. They always do. There is always sóme answer.’

Clarisse looked at him. He really wouldn’t leave without an answer.

‘What do you want to hear? That this is a test for me to realise that love and war are inseparable and sometimes need each other?’

Eros began to smile. ‘I like that answer.’

‘Is it the right one?’

‘I don’t know, because I have no idea why you were placed in charge of this temple, the one that held that box. All I know is that other people who were left here, were so because they didn’t wholely realise why people say love can be a war.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll leave you now. You’ve given me my explanation.’

He carefully took the box from the floor. In the wink of an eye, he was gone, leaving a very confused Clarisse behind. 

She didn’t immediately have time to think about his words, as Phobos and Deimos were her very next guests. She managed to throw them out quite easily. They didn’t seem all that interested in taking over anyway. 

Just as Deimos got out via the ceiling, he looked down at his sister. ‘You talked to our brother.’

‘Fear, terror and love. Nice litter. And not so different from each other, please don’t say it, you really don’t have to.’

‘I see you don’t yet realise why people say that.’ He disappeared with a smirk. 

Clarisse wanted to yell something back, but nothing came out of her mouth. 

No, she didn’t realise why people said that. It seemed like a platitude, that love and war were the same. Of course both of them had a certain desperation, passion and madness to them, but still. 

She shook her head. Alright, perhaps this wasn’t a test, or a rite of passage, or even cheap labour. Perhaps this was just a way to make her feel confused about everything. They succeeded, in that case. 

She straightend her spear and stood in the middle of the room again. The night would be over in a couple of hours, and then she could forget about it all. 

I wished I could call Chris right now, she thought to herself. That would make me feel beter. 

A/N: Okay I don’t think this is fully what anon had in mind,,, but if y’all want more Clarisse beating up Phobos/Deimos I’ll just make more of that next

[juliecarstairs6]

The intern

Prequel

Pairing: L x reader

Summary: Y/N has been an intern for six months now at the Japanse Police station. But she decides to stay after a mysterious killer appears with the nickname kira. And it could also have something to do with that strange man she met in a coffee shop.

words: 1434

Warnings: mention of diet, serial killer 

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I've been working for the Japanse Police for over six months and it has been exhausting. Not only is it hard work I don’t get respected being a woman. They think that I am weak and refuse to send me on field work so I am stuck with boring papers and getting coffee. Thankfully some people do respect me it’s only a handful but that handful is keeping me here. My supervisor is one of them chief Yagami he is respectful man and I look up to him. I remember him calling out one of my colleagues for suggesting I simply become a secretary for crying out loud I did my training and graduated just like them and chief Yagami tought the exact same thing. He wasn’t the only one standing up for me, Matsuda my best friend always has my back and I have his. Our friendship evolved quite quickly we were both the outcasts of the police station and that meant eating lunch together and eventually having a drink after work. He makes my life so much lighter with his endless positism and enthousiam. The only downside to our friendship is the embarrassing moments he endures and drags me with him. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But the true reason I deciced to stay longer is Kira. He fascinates me and I wish to meet him and talk to him and possibly even take a brain scan and see what is going on with him. It’s obvious he is a serial killer he has a pattern like all serial killers and i doubt he feels any remorse. But why criminals? Perhaps it gives him a way to justify his killing he probably thinks he is doing the world a favor and even saving lifes. But then again why not turn in to the police if you can get close enough t give someone a heart attack you can surly hand them into the police? No he isn’t more than a horrendous killer.

“Y/N and Matsuda, can I talk to you in my office?”, I stop my train of toughts about Kira and look at chief Yagami. I hope I’m not in trouble and I try to make my voice sound strong. “Yes”. As i turn around I see that everyone is looking at us just perfect. Doubt washes over my body as I approach his office. That misstake I made with the Yuri case could it be about that? But why is Matsuda then also being called he had nothing to do with it? He gives me a reasurring smile right before we enter the office that warms my heart atleast I have him by my side. I nod to chief Yagami after I enter and see Matsuda saluting him. This is what I mean by embarrassing moments. “Both of you sit down please.” I can feel my heart beating out of my chest and fear for the worst it’s a terrible treat of mine. I swirl my h/c round my finger a of nervousity as he begins to speak. “This afternoon their will be a world convernce about the Kira case and I would want you two to come with me. It will a great learning experience for both of you.” My heart is once again beating out of my chest but this time for other reasons. Matsuda looks at me with a huge grin and I can’t help my face forming a smile as well. I anwser him not wanting Matsuda to say something to excited ,“It’s an honor to be invited to this sir and we will attend the convernce.”

I’m still in shock after I leave the office this is huge opportunity and I’m so thankful to chief Yagami for giving it to me and Matsuda. Now we can perhaps finally be taken serious. “Pinch me I need to know if I’m dreaming or not.” I turn to Matsuda and give him a little pinch we both giggle after that both in disbelief that out of all the cops beter and more experienced he chose us, ofcourse I am not complaining. “This is probably the best work day I’ve had in a long time.” Matsuda nods at me and laughs before saying, “Even better than when I introduced you to that coffee shop with those heavenly cheescakes?” Oh god I remember tasting that cake and being in love it’s the best in the entire world. I make a mocking thinking pose, “No I still think this day is better, oh speaking about it wanna get a drink their before we have to leave we are on our break anyways?”. His faces drops in a dissapointed scowl and he slugs his shoulders. He can’t come he probably still has work it’s typically him. Always doing things at last minute I really need to learn him to plan his work better that way he will have so much more time. But that task is more difficult than catching Kira himself. “Let me guess you don’t have time cause you still have work to do?” he nods and gives me a sheepish smile. “Well another time then goodluck and if you still haven’t finished work I’ll help you but you seriously need to learn how to plan.” He gives me one of his heartwarming smiles and I already know I will get a phonecall at night and will end up helping him. “Thank you Y/N. Without you i’d probably be fired.” I wave him good bye and head my way to the cafe. I mean it’s not my fault Matsuda still has work and a little treat won’t hurt my diet I hope. 

The cafe is only a 5 minute walk not that I mind it the weather is good and I feel the sunshine on my face leaving a pleasant warm feeling. The decorations outside of the cafe are questionable it’s all pink and white and definitly meant as a romantic cafe. On both sides of the door the walls are decorated with many many flowers and it gives a sweet and calm aura. The smell of coffee fils my nostrils and it’s one of my favorites things. How the hell do people survive without it. The smell enhances as I enter the cafe inside it has the same vibe as outside with pink and white everywhere. there are all kind of seating options from the clasic chairs to high chairs, sofa’s and beanbags all decorated with diffrent pillows.The two cats of the owners chairman meow and church are laying lazely on one of the sofa’s decorated with many cat themed pillows, that sofa is the cats spot. Normally I’d order a latte and cheescake but today I want something else so I walk to the menu when a guy bumps into me. Even after many years of police training I still managed to fall on my ass with the guy now on top of me. My face begins to redden as I see the enitre cafe looking at me and the guy. Who is back on his feet and sticks his hand out to help me and I can’t help but wonder if he is homeless. His hair is sticking in all directions and he has some of the biggest bags under his eyes that I have ever seen. Normally I don’t judge a book by it’ cover but this man is strange to say the least. But I was raised to have respect so I go ahead and apoligze. “I am really sorry sir I didn’t see you.” He sticks his thumb in his mouth and looks at me like I am some kind of riddle a puzzle to be solved it’s actually kind of cute. “No need to apolgize but there is a 50% change us falling is youre fault. I have been here many times and this event never occured to me so it might be a higher percentage.” This man is strange no doubt but yet I want to get to know him better he seems interessting and I was gonna drink and eat alone better see if I can get myself some company. “Well again I am sorry my head was in the coulds. I noticed you don’t have company wanna maby drink our coffees togther?” Now he is looking at me like I am an alien no he is analyzing me I reconigze his look. Now I really hope he says yes he fascinates me. “Altough there is a 70 % change I won’t enjoy this I suppose trying won’t hurt anyone.”

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Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me except Y/N all of them excpet the cats belong to the writers of Death Note the cats belong to Cassandra Clare. The plot is also highly based on the plot of the writers of Death note 

Be sure to give me advice and requests are also open for one shots with youre favorite or less favorite characters. I don’t write smut so please don’t request that cause I won’t write it.

[jacklyn-flynn]

“Fen, this is beautiful, thank you!” Farren wrapped the cowl around her shoulders, brushing her cheek against the soft fur. “Did you hunt and make this yourself?” she asked with a look in his direction as she continued to appreciate his efforts. 

“Indeed I did,” he confirmed, “I thought the red fox fur would compliment your hair and it does quite beautifully.” 

Farren took the one remaining gift off of the side table next to her chair. “Last one,” she murmured with a smile. 

Fenris pulled the twine free and set it aside, peeling back the plain brown paper. He had gotten used to receiving books from Farren for various occasions, or simply because she wanted to, but this one surprised him. There was no title on the cover or spine and when he flipped through the pages, he found them blank. 

“Amatus, this book is missing all of its words.” He raised a brow and looked up at her. 

“It’s supposed to be. It’s for your thoughts and feelings, or anything else you might choose to use it for. I thought you could use it to practice your writing. You don’t have to show it to anyone so you can do whatever you’d like.” 

“Does that mean we will no longer be reading together?” Farren noticed the audible hint of disappointment in his voice. When it was just the two of them, he allowed those emotions to show a bit more. Though, not completely. Yet.

“No, I enjoy that too much. I love when you read to me,” she assured him. 

“I cannot fathom why. You are constantly having to assist me or correct my pronunciation.” He closed the journal and set it on his lap. 

“It isn’t how you read to me, Fen, but that you do.” Farren smiled and leaned forward in her chair. “I never grow tired of your voice.” 

“Nor I yours,” he gave her that hint of a smile that always made her heart beat faster. He held up the journal. “Would it be rude of me to write in this now?” 

Farren was surprised by his eagerness, but certainly pleased. “Not at all. You can use my desk and supplies. I’ll be here by the fire if you need any help.” 

With a slight nod, he rose from his chair and moved to her writing desk. He stayed there for the better part of an hour, slowly forming each letter. Occasionally he would scratch something out and grunt in frustration or sound out a word under his breath. Farren glanced over intermittently, unable to stop her smiles. That he would show her that vulnerability, with his back to her and the door no less. He trusted her to both protect him when he was distracted and to withhold judgment on his lack of ability to read and write. 

Maker, she loved him. 

Farren set down her book when he finally rose and sat in the chair across from her again. He held out the closed journal, looking down at it rather than her. 

“Would you read it?” he asked, finally glancing up with his captivating green eyes. 

“You know it’s private right? You don’t have to share it.” Farren wanted to make it clear that the journal was his personal space. 

“I would like you to,” he insisted, “please.” 

She pursed her lips in a tight smile to hide her absolute joy and took the leather-bound journal, opening it to the first page. Fenris’s familiar shaky handwriting took up the full space and spilled onto the next. It was filled with spelling and punctuation errors, but the more she read, the less she noticed. 

My amatus is a mage. She has taut me many things. Not all mages korupt everything they touch. She tries to make the world beter, even if I do not always agre how she does it. She maks me want to be beter. I thawt my love for her made me a slayve to her but it does naut. I am a free man bekause of her and I chose to be free with her bekause I love her. 

The way he’d written over and underlined ‘with’ made a lump of emotion form in her throat. By the time she looked up at him, tears had gathered in her eyes. His expressive brows furrowed, green eyes darkening. “Is it so bad? Are you not able to read it?” 

“No, I can read it.” Farren had a hard time speaking any louder than a whisper for fear of her voice breaking. She swallowed thickly, looking back down at his words. “These are your thoughts and feelings about me?” 

“Yes. They are much harder to say than to write, even with my literary deficiencies,” he admitted hesitantly. 

She sat forward, handing him the journal back. “Will you read me the last three words?”  

Fenris glanced down to remember what they were and smiled ever so slightly. “Those three words should not be a surprise to you.” 

“No, but I like hearing them anyway.” She brushed away the tears that had gathered at the corner of her eyes. 

“I love her,” he quoted, meeting her gaze as he spoke them. She knew that he did, but it was still rare for him to voice it aloud. “I love you, amatus.” 

She rose from the chair and took the journal gently from his hands, setting it aside with the utmost of care. Climbing onto his lap, she straddled his hips and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you too,” Farren murmured against his lips before kissing him gently. 

It very rapidly evolved into something much more urgent and needy. She finally broke away with a gasp, rolling her hips slightly to feel his grasp against her backside, not having realized until then that his hands had traveled there. She smiled, brushing back his hair so that she could fully appreciate his hungry gaze. 

“How about we retire to our room and you can unwrap me?” she suggested, pressing into the cradle of his hips and the bulge in his pants. 

With his hands still on her backside, he surged up from the chair. “Absolutely,” he growled. Farren wrapped her legs around him with a laugh. As he walked them to the bedroom, she lavished his neck with kisses, licks, and love bites. “If you keep that up, there will be no unwrapping. I will rip everything off of you.” 

Farren’s only reaction to his words was to bite the lobe of his ear and tug, prompting him to take the remaining stairs two at a time. 

[xchoco-mixturex]

So wtf is going on in my head and my health in general that is honestly not fine.

this has many stuff like death, illness, and so many  other bullshit that are mostly negative

i have been trying to make and block ppl so they can give me peace of mind because most of them are ants that come and annoy me, not only here, but on ig, twiter and other places.

Study-wise im in hell. I am on ‘vacations’ yet my parents pressurize me to keep studying so i can make a goal asap, but they dont realize they are overweighting me. They said i need to be strong and to not lose time in petty stuff.

my only escapism is FLODDED in excursionists stuff and/or fndm drama that im just Daisy the duck from that duck serie where they offer her more juice and she covers her glass? yes, thats me trying to not get my face stuff being touched by fndm drama. (coughsgens//hi/nfndmcoughs)

And I failed.In between this hell studies, fndm drama, people harrassing me and almost trying to doxx me it reminds me of the dark era when i was in the r*/y fndm.

that and that other fndm drama with ppl also demonizing queer coded ppl that cannot be with ppl of the opposite gender (mostlyinthecursedfndmimentionedbefore) made me feel utterly flooded and ottled up with just a million thoughts to the on a place that was a safe haven for a bunch of friends ended up just unleashing that flood of hell and i ended up leaving. Even though they weren to blame, just me and my head of torment and bs.

I still have a friend in the icu, the one i said about before, and sadly my heart is starting to fail again. maybe its a signal of something.

and sadly i cannot gtfo of here because its the only way i can try and un-stress out in the middle of a fking p*nd*mic

im paranoid i will lose my friends over a crumbling state of mind that i cannot even talk to my parents because they would say i might be victimizing myself when im in the middle of a mental downfall  that i cannot even vent to my boyfriend because he is finishing his career and i dont wanna bother him.

so in the end i am starting to believe it would be beter if i stay alone, in my corner, rambling about bullshittery until eventually my heart fails and something happens.

whatever happens first

[fandom-star]

Non-Binary Week

I've not answered any of the questions the organisers of this have put out until now, but as yesterday was the last day, I'm just gonna answer them all today!

1. Personally, my experience of being non-binary is being a mix of both the male and female genders. The way I experience it can be shown in the ratio male:female as 80:20.

2. My pronouns are they/them, however I probably wouldn't mind he/him either.

3. My honorific is Mx. I used to have a mixed (ha) opinion on it, but over the past six months or so I've grown to actually really love it!

4. I mean, naturally I have to say that the purple on the flag represents me best! It's my favourite colour! However, of the four colours, it's the most obvious to symbolise the mix of male and female that I experience.

1. The first time I heard of non-binary was when an old internet friend of mine came out as non-binary. I never really thought much of it other than now knowing what pronouns I had to use for them! 

2. I started questioning my gender more than two years ago. I used several non-binary labels before settling on just non-binary seven months later.

3. As I said before, I used some other more specific labels, which changed as my understanding of myself developed. 

4. I have! I came out to my best friend basically when I labelled myself as non-binary. Then I came out to my mum the next Summer. Then I subtly came out to my other friends. And I came out on Instagram on Tuesday (actual non-binary day) and Friday.

5. I haven't come out to my granny or my dad, and I almost certainly never will. 

1. I love the community we have. Like, the majority of non-binary people I know on- and offline are really amazing.

2. I definitely know a lot more about gender and the history of it than I used to.

3. I've gained gained more acceptance of the way I am. I've also gained insight to some of my behaviours when I was younger. 

4. My favourite gender euphoria moments are definitely seeing or hearing my name. Not many people actually call me Elliott regularly, which is fine bc in most settings it's preferred that they don't (e.g. at school or in fandom spaces where I've almost always been known as Ell), but it's really nice to open my laptop and see it wanting "Elliott J" to log in and things like that.

1. I'm asexual, bi- and/or panromantic and autistic.

2. Well, my sexuality and everything intersect because it's all queer. Autism and trans identities intersect because a lot of autistic people are also trans and/or non-binary. While there is no exact reasoning behind this, some have connected it to our lack of understanding or different view of social situations.

3. Well, autistic and non-binary rep is incredibly lacking separately, put them together and, well...

4. Please, please, please, don't listen to people who are "oh so concerned about the lickle autistic childwen" because they pretend that we can't think for ourselves, or worse, they BELIEVE that. We can. If autistic people couldn't think for themselves, I wouldn't be running this blog. I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. I probably wouldn't have friends. Don't fall into that trap.

1. I am asexual (cba to go into romantic attraction). I have known that for years, I feel like I probably class as an ace veteran! I'm not really sure how to describe my relationship with the terminology. 

2. Being non-binary definitely plays a part in how I refer to my body and and my relationship with it. As anyone who follows me probably knows, I have bad chest dysphoria, so I don't refer to that part of me with the "anatomically correct" term, I just call it my chest. I can't really change the terminology of anything else that bothers me. But yeah, being non-binary and the dysphoria I experience because of that definitely affects how I think of my body and relate to it.

3. Gender roles are shit, not gonna lie. I just do whatever the hell I want. I mean, cis people obsessed with them would probably say I fulfil the male role more than the female. But I don't know.

4. I definitely present myself in a more masculine way. I have short hair, I don't wear dresses or skirts, I only ever wear any kind of make-up for cosplay. However, a lot of my features are seen as proving that I'm "biologically female", and I don't bind as often as I'd like. 

5. I don't really know how often I think about being non-binary. I mean, I think about my gender more often than a cis man or woman probably does, but... I don't know. Not as much as I used to. 

1. Oh god, so many things people think are wrong. Probably that non-binary genders are new thing. They're not, they're really not. Western cultures just covered them up. A lot of indigenous cultures have more than one gender.

2. The most dangerous thing that people can think is that it doesn't exist and are only used to get attention. NO! If we wanted attention, there are SO MANY BETER AND SAFER WAYS TO DO SO!!!

3. I think it's definitely cis people, especially white cis people, who perpetrate the most misconceptions about us.

4. Binary people need to understand pretty much everything I've just said. And that if you want to have a say in this, do your research. And not just from a binary perspective. Actually LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT!!!

5. Just... just don't ask me anything unless I say you can. And when I do tell, please don't ask anything invasive.

1. I have both changed my name and my pronouns.

2. I want to legally change my name. I also want to legally change my gender to non-binary, but that can't happen until the government agrees to allow it. Which they haven't. 

3. I think I want to take testosterone for some time. Maybe between six months and a year. I also want a chest reduction. Not top surgery, because I think it would feel wrong for me if there was nothing.

4. I haven't tried to access any gender services yet. I probably won't have to lie, I hope not, I'm a horrible liar, but I suppose we'll just have to see.

5. I want to grow out my natural facial hair. I have a somewhat abnormal amount of facial hair for someone who's afab, and mum makes me get it off bc she's worried about bullying and stuff, so I'll probably have to wait until I go to uni to do that, which is only two years, so!

Thank you for getting this far! I hope this gave you some insight into me and my experiences as a non-binary person.

[peter-parkers-underoos]

Last Name Beck pt.1

Peter Parker x Beck!reader

ENDGAME SPOILERS!!! SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME SPOILERS!!!

seriously... SPOILERS

also this is only MY interpretation since the movie isn’t even out yet. i did all my research so leave me be!!

Synopsis: You and your father were transported to a separate earth in result of Iron Mans “snap.” Nick Fury explained this all- and he said you would need help from a brilliant man to get back home. What he didn’t explain was that the man who seemingly would be taking over Iron Mans legacy was a boy your age. You know how your father can be and you can see something off with this Peter Parker character- like he’s mentally sore from recent events. What better reason to ward off your father's illusions with the promise of keeping a young Spider-Boy safe?

Warnings: cussing, mentions of endgame, angst (in future chapters >:))

Words: 1601

A/N: HAHAHHAAHHA i hope it’s obvious who the reader's father lol. also pulled that synopsis outta my ass- as always. anyways enjoy. this is only part one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Your father isn’t who they think he is. He’s not some monster who’s only wish is to be famous. He’s not a bad guy. But he’s also not a good guy. You know, more than anyone, what he’s capable of. What illusions he’s got up his sleeve and just how far he’ll go to get the eyes on him.

That’s why you’re with him now. Not to help him- but to stop him. You don’t know who he’ll hurt on this earth. And the last thing you want is more casualties under his belt. He is your father after all.

You had a great deal of respect for him. You thought of him as ambitious and confident. But you’ve learned he’s more than that- you just can’t tell if what’s under the surface shows that he has a good heart or a speck of something greedy and more dirt ridden.

“This is Mr Beck.” You directed your attention the man you met earlier, Nick Fury. He was talking to a younger boy who was now talking to your father, Quentin Beck. They were giving him the rundown. The whole ‘Iron Mans snap tore a hole in this very delicate metaphysical object that divides our worlds and created a multiverse’ thing. And if your father was lying about this “snap” tearing a hole in the dimension, you weren't aware.

Thinking about whether this was all an illusion painted in a fucked up picture by your father made you shift uncomfortably in your seat. You brought one knee up to place under your chin and hugged your leg for comfort.

The younger boy looked around the room and you followed his gaze. He didn’t seem to want to be here. Something you two had in common. When his eyes landed on you, the tips of your fingers felt a slight electric shock.

“Uh- Hi I’m Peter… Barker- Parker. Beter Parker. Peter- Spider-Man.” You couldn’t help but grin. His uncoordinated and gawky demeanour held a soft spot in your heart. He reminded you… of a dog of some sorts. A puppy. One very nervous cute puppy.

“This is my daughter-” Quentin began.

“Y/N Beck.” You finished. The corners of Peters' mouth curled up into a small smile. His floppy brown hair framed his face well, and his deep-set eyes were relaxed. In a way he made you feel like you were home again. “Spider-Man huh?” You picked up your head and dropped your leg so you could fully stand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to- um- meet you... too.” A few moments of silence went by before he let out a soft ‘oh’ and held his hand out for you to shake. You gladly shook his hand and chuckled while doing so.

“No need to be nervous, kid,” Nick said as you let go of Peters' hand. Fury smacked the inept boys shoulder and walked over beside you. “In a way, she’s just like you.” Parker tilted his head somewhat and squinted. The way his eyes creased made you assume that he doesn’t meet a lot of kids his age who have powers.

“I’m guessing you’ve got superpowers or whatever right?” You asked as you crossed your arms. You grazed your eyes down his chest to see the crimson suit holding a nice spider symbol in between his chest bone. “You turn into a spider or something?” His mouth opened and then shut and he let out a breathy laugh.

“Uh no actually. I mean kinda- No not kinda. I sort of am a spider. Well, it’s hard to explain-” Nick grabbed Peters wrist and pointed it at the ceiling, pressing something on his palm. A thin line of web shot from his wrist and attached itself to the cement above us.

“Holy shit- That isn’t coming out of you is it?” Peter shook off Nicks' hand and twisted his wrist so he could easily grab the string. He smirked and pushed himself off the ground with his feet so that he could flip and land on the ceiling.

“Nope.” He said from his place upside down. You walked forward as he detached himself from the roof and turned right side up just in time to land on his heels.

“Brilliant! It’s like you’ve made yourself some kind of- of synthetic web fluid-”

“With their own corresponding web-shooters.” You reached out for his hand and turned it over so you could inspect the gadget fastened to his suit. “What can you do?” You looked up and felt yourself blush.

“Um, n-nothing too special.”

“Yeah right.” Your father spoke up. “Her mind works over two-thousand percent faster than any normal human beings- which gives her the ability to process battle strategies quicker-”

“Not always about battle strategies, dad.” You let go of Peters' hand and looked to your father.

“Still extremely intelligent.” He combated back.

“But I often get wicked headaches.” You looked to him and then to Nick as he began to speak too.

“I think they’re forgetting to mention the fact that she can manipulate the space-time continuum.” Fury butted in. You looked to Peter who had a shocked look plastered on his face.

“My mind works so fast that the atoms around me make the most sense when aligned in the form of an-… well like an Einstein-Rosen bridge.” You tried to explain.

“I bet she could even open a wormhole with no end to it.” Nick looked to the computers as a small beeping noise occurred.

“It’s hypothetically possible, but as I just said… hypothetical.” Peter licked his bottom lip and nodded. He looked at you like a deer caught in headlights as Nick made his way to the computers where there was another woman working. You didn’t quite catch her name, but she obviously knew what she was doing.

“That’s… so… badass.” Peter quickly wiped his mouth, in case he was drooling, and turned his head straight. “Uh so does your mind thingy make you- like- Sherlock Holmes or something?” You laughed loudly and covered your mouth to try and stop yourself from being too loud.

“You know what? Maybe.” Peter beamed as your laughing fit slowly subsided.

“Looks like we’ve got trouble.” Fury gritted his teeth. “Been here less than a week, Parker, and you’ve managed to get the attention of every goddamn villain in the multiverse.” You walked over to Nick to look at the monitors scattered across the table. Red dots blinked around the city and you sighed. “Good news though.”

“What good news could you possibly have- unless you tell me that I can go back to my hotel and enjoy the rest of my trip.” Peter walked up beside you and crossed his arms. You looked at him and took in his figure. You couldn’t imagine doing this kind of work on your own- you always had your father. You wondered if maybe he had someone like that in his life.

“Well, you got part of that right. The bastard closest to us is right outside your hotel.”

“Shit.” Parker groaned and threw his head down. “Then I better get going.” He uncrossed his arms and turned to leave.

“Wait a minute Spider-Kid- but the good news was that I’m sure if you ask nicely, Beck and his daughter just might help you get rid of these dimension travelling assholes.” Peter fidgeted with his mask in his hands and looked to you and your father.

“You wouldn’t mind would you?” He asked shyly and your father cleared his throat.

“Why not? You need all the help you can get.” You teased and grabbed your armoured gloves from the table.

“Hey-”

“No offence kid but the evil on our world is more complicated than the evil on yours.” Your father patted Peter on the shoulder and walked towards the exit.

“Be careful.” Nick said, directing his attention to the monitor again.

“When am I not careful.” Peter jogged himself over next to your dad.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Nick looked up from his computer and locked eyes with you. “Was I?” You swallowed thickly and glanced at the floor. When you turned you were met with the confused features of Peter.

“I’m just… clumsy.” You joked with a smile and formed your hands into fists. He stared at you- seemingly not believing you. He had every right to. You were this mysterious random girl from a different earth and you both haven’t even worked with one another.

Peter still stared and you bit your lip. He’s suspicious. He should be. So are you.

“Keep staring. I might do a trick.” You quipped. You took your fists and pulled them up in front of you. Peter, once again, turned his head to the side like a curious puppy as you hit the bottom of your right hand with the top of your left. You broke your hands away from each other and spread out your fingers, which made a medium sized searing hole in front of you. The edges of the hole on the ground were sparkly like firecrackers and you made a ‘tik tik’ sound with your tongue and the roof of your mouth.

To make sure you knew where you were going you took one last two-second glance at the monitor.

“See you on the other side, boys.” You lifted your dominant hand next to your face and gave the two boys by the exit a small wave, still continuing to wave and smile as you walked calmly over the edge- descending into the dark depths of the wormhole you had just created.

[imaginewhatyouwant]

Dangerously in love

Pairing: BTS OT7 x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

Genre: Mafia, Soulmates

Summary: Y/N is a foreign college student who recently moved in South Korea. Bangtan one of the biggest mafia gang of South-Korea are a ruthless gang who doesn’t show any pity to any one who trespass their patience. Can those eight people fall in love after one glance ?

A/N: Sorry for taking this long but I was trying to find a good story line so I’ve decided to separate it in different parts. I hope it will not bother you. But enjoy!!

Asked by: @kpopgirlbtssvt

————————————————

Y/N POV

“Good evening everyone today we’re going to talk further about what we have seen the week before.”

Pffff I need to stay awake for this last 3 hours lecture...but I’m so tired why did they decide to have a 3 hours long lecture at 5 pm this is just unbelievable !! It’s winter so when class is over it’s going to be dark outside and I still need to figure out at which hour I can catch the bus.

You tried to pay attention to the lecture but it was so hard because you are extremely tired. You just moved a month ago in South Korea and are going at the University there in Seoul. But you still need to adjust to everything. It has always been a dream of yours to visit and here you are Seoul, South Korea !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright were done see you next week”

Finally!! After packing my books I ran as fast as I could, so I could catch my bus. Once I was in the bus I’ve put my earphones on and started listening to music 20 minutes later I hopped of the bus and started walking. It’s a 15 minute walk I still don’t understand why there is no bus stop there, but whatever a little bit of walking never hurt nobody I guess. I’ve kept my earphones on and started walking.

And now I need to walk into that creepy small street I’m not claustrophobic but this street right there just suffocates me no kidding especially at night that’s why every time I walk here I start to speed up because this here is giving me some chills.

So tell me why am I starting to hear some voices? Maybe it’s my imagination, oh please let it be my imagination even though I damn well know it’s isn’t.

Just keep walking Y/N!!

“Give us the money and your free to go!!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about we did not agree to this?!”

“I said give us the damn money and stop playing around!!”

Oh shit nope this is not happening?? How can I avoid this?! This is none of my business!! Why oh why does this happen to me ?!

You started to walk normally and did as if you didn’t hear some gang fighting about money. You could just turn around and find another way to find your house! But this is Y/N we are talking about she always thinks she knows beter. So you still kept walking with your music on. You just need to turn on the right and you can go home. But did that happen...of course...not!! No matter what your clumsy self do, you always fall/bump/hurt yourself so this was bound to happen.

You didn’t just stumble, you stumbled and fell pretty hard and your phone smacked on the floor. You groaned of the pain and I tried to stand up forgetting a second that there is literally a gang fight here just next to you. So you started mumbling some curse words and grabbed your phone. You looked on your left and 12 not so nice looking men were looking at you. You gasped and tried to run but it was already a lost case.

“Hey you!!” Said a short but strong man

He grabbed your arm and said.

“What did you see? What did you hear? Are you a spy or something?” He yelled

“Huh???! What,no I swear I didn’t see or hear anything!! Please let me g-“

“Kill her!!”

You started crying

“ Dong-Soo I said kill her !!”

“ No p-p-please I swear I-I didn’t hear a-anything!! Let me go!!”

You heard a click searching for the sound you saw a gun pointed straight at your forehead. You started bawling your eyes out because this there is something you don’t want to experience. Sweat was dripping of your head, your heart started beating as if it was trying to jump out of your rib cage, you started to tremble yet you couldn’t feel your legs, a numb pressuring feeling started to crawl upon your legs and arms you started hyperventilating this was all to much you started to have a panic attack.

“She’s having a panic attack!!”

“So what just kill her it will go quickly!!”

“No give her to me!”

“Now why would we do that?”

���Just give her!!”

You couldn’t figure the voices around you everything was to much, bodies starting to move around. Shouts were shared, punches were thrown and guns were fired.

*BANG*

The five men grumbled and ran away.

“This is not over!!!” They shouted

Somebody grabbed you,you started to see black dots around you.

“Shh you’re okay now”

You fell limp in the arms of the stranger.

You just blacked out.

Silence.

It’s all what the seven men heard.

But not for long in the distance loud booming sirens were heard.

“Shit...guys we need to go!!”

“What about her ?”

“...Just take her!!”

The seven men started to run towards their van and started to drive to their house.

Once they arrived they walked in their living room.

They layed her down on the couch and started to look at her.

“So it’s her??” The youngest member exclaimed.

“Yeah it’s her!”