#i am not a catholic so if anyone has more to add about it. please do

[heligan]

I am thinking, on this fine winter evening, about Raphael’s halfhearted belief in heaven because he thinks it’s a better thing to believe than the alternatives. How does the Catholic idea of having a fixed point of death after which he can go to heaven, hell or purgatory match up with the knowledge that he doesn’t die in the sense that other humans die, because there’s no moment in time at which he becomes dead but rather he slowly becomes less and less alive?

(Cut because it’s a bit long)

There’s clearly a progression from being alive and human in all ways except physically - ‘just the same; his colours all gone but just the same’ to unmoving and unresponsive like the markayuq in the graveyard, to wearing down until they are only distinguishable from normal stones if you know exactly what to look for, but it’s unclear whether there is an instant in which a markayuq becomes definitively dead.

In chapter twenty-seven Raphael does refer to the markayuq in the house and graveyard as ‘nearly dead’ but there’s a few reasons why I think this might not be an accurate description. Raphael has spent his entire working life thinking about and dealing with death from a Catholic perspective, having not had a chance to interact with anyone from his home since childhood. There’s also the fact that there is only one markayuq in a generation at most, so although he seems to be an expert on them from Merrick’s perspective (not that the bar for that is high), there was nobody to teach him properly so it’s quite possible he doesn’t know as much about the markayuq as he should. In the same chapter he finds out for the first time that markayuq talk to each other and that St Thomas used to know Atahualpa, the last Incan king. Even if he is aware that the end of a markayuq’s life is more complicated than just dying, he’s speaking to Merrick and therefore could be referring to the decay markayuq undergo as death for simplicity, which certainly aligns with his own attitudes towards inter-cultural translation.

Incan attitudes towards death, however, make a lot more sense in conjunction with the idea of markayuq not having a fixed moment of death. Markayuq used to guard the Incan kings both while they were alive and after death at their tombs, and so the view of them decaying over time matches the view the Incas had of death, also not as a fixed moment but as a linear progression beginning with the decay of the mind and body in old age and ending with ‘social death’ - when one is forgotten by the last living person who remembers them. A person’s heart stopping, or consciousness leaving them, are just one step along the way - and even these two often occur at different times. Incan kings especially were viewed as still being active in society after their physical death and therefore still alive in other ways; their bodies were mummified to preserve them and their panaca (some particular relatives) would make social and political decisions on their behalf which would be taken into account as if the king was still alive [1].

It makes much more sense to have kings who slowly became less alive as they become older, new kings reign and their influence in the courts wane, guarded by markayuq who also become less alive as they spend longer and longer asleep and their stone bodies are worn down by the elements than it does to have markayuq who die and go to heaven. Raphael is, however, as Merrick puts it, one of a ‘new generation of hispanicised markayuq’, and the only one who holds a belief of the afterlife which is not only different to every one of his peers but also is at odds with the very nature of his existence.

Raphael thinks of his own belief in heaven: ‘it wasn’t belief of the mathematical, reasoned kind, only the sort that arises when the alternative would mean becoming one of those men who worked like machines and never spoke to anyone, old at forty.’ but that’s an understatement! His alternative is slowly losing his ability to move and think after watching everyone around him be buried, accompanied only by people who consider him an outsider in his own culture, no more kings to guard on their own paths to being forgotten until his body eventually becomes building material for the Spanish, yet never truly dying.

No wonder he wants to believe in heaven.

[1] Rostworowski Tovar de Diez Canseco, M. 1988, Historia del Tahuantinsuyu

[wisecrackingeric-2]

Luis ramble time

TW//homophobia??

I think my favorite thing about Luis has to be the idea that his religious trauma led him to become homophobic but not in the sense of how it normally is. I think he internalized it as he grew up in a Catholic setting and became more interested in other people. This is why I believe he probably wouldn't have kissed Leon,,he will flirt and make flirty gestures but I don't really believe he'd full on go for it. I think it's more believable that he would've felt guilty because we all know one thing Luis still holds dear is his religion.

To me Luis is bisexual and when he met Leon it made him remember those odd feeling but he was to afraid to express them both from fear of loosing Leon and the feeling of being sinful. (this comes from someone who connects to Luis in these regards,,dw I came to terms with myself awhile ago!) And just like everything else in his life he ran away from it and ultimately..

He never let himself feel those emotions nor tell Leon

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FERAL I WENT OVER THIS I STARTED GOING DOWN SUCH A LONG RABBIT HOLE OUUUUGHHH

BUT YOURE SO RIGHT YOU HAVE A BIT BEAUTIFUL BRAIN IT HURTS SM,,,,,,,, I think you’re absolutely right but I wanted to add my own headcannons too cuz I think it could be a very very interesting discussion!!!!!! I’ve put my thoughts under the cut so it doesn’t clog up peoples dashboards!!!!

I couldn’t agree more I think it’d be pretty safe ro say Luis has a FAIR BIT of internalised homophobia from his religious upbringing (now I wanna clarify that I don’t have any religious trauma like, at all, I wasn’t brought up relifious but I have TONS of friends who’ve gone through it so I’ve done my best to understand it best I can!!!!) and where my headcannon sliiiiiiiightly differs from yours is that I think Luis probably would have come to terms with his own queerness by the time he’s working with Umbrella

Obviously he’s already very flamboyant and VERRRRYYY flirty w both men and women and he’s clearly confident in himself- but what a lot of people seem to forget that the lovely @blveherb and @possessionisamyth have gone into detail about is that Luis is an immigrant, and if you look at literally any piece of history from before like,,,, roughly around the 80’s queer and immigrant history were REALLY intertwined, like, the two communities would often be at the same places or facing the same struggles at the same time etc and obviously white historians haven’t done us any favours with preserving this history (and ALSO also i am WHITE AS ALL HELL so im obviously not in a position to be speaking on topics that i dont fully understand/havent affected me which is why i ask that if anyone is more knowledgable on the topic please do elaborate on it!!!!!!!)((also it’s obviously very very important not to try and take away focus from or erase poc history when talking about queer history!!!!!!!!!!!!!))

So I don’t think it would be much of a stretch to say that Luis, after leaving Valdelobos and ending up wherever he did, would have also discovered the queer community as a whole just by virtue of being apart of a minority (again, this isn’t something that’s ever even remotely effected me so please if I’ve made any mistakes or if anyone wants to point anything out do so!!!!) also I just imagine that, in general, Luis would’ve been grateful for any kind of community to fall back on after he left his own- how old he was when he left is unknown obviously but I can’t imagine being barely even an adult discovering the big wide world for the first time after spending your entire life in a tiny rural catholic village would’ve been easy which is why communities like that are so important (also you could absolutely go into how Umbrella would’ve fed that need for a community even further in a young naive Luis but that’s getting ahead of the subject)

Also somewhat on and off topic but M A A N Y historians have pointed out that Don Quixote is a pretty queer fricken book. That’s an entirely different discussion in and of itself but the whole book itself, the relationship between Alonso and Sancho, the history itself surrounding the book etc can leave a lot of queer interpretations to be read (and @highball66 has pointed out that while not specifically a term used for gay men, in some areas ‘Sancho’ has been used to refer to ‘the other guy in the relationship’, ie the man the husband is sleeping with etc) ((AND also it’s just,, kinda hard to analyse super old books through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community as we understand it roday- Kaz Rowe on YouTube has some good videos on the topic I can’t reccomend enough!!!!))

And so I personally like to imagine that by the time he returns BACK to Valdelobos, he’s probably come to terms with it- but like most traumas, returning to the place where it all started and manifested probably would’ve brought up those same feelings of internalised homophobia like you’ve said; which is why he’s so afraid to confess to Leon. Even if he KNOWS he’s come to terms with his identity n such, that doesn’t mean that returning to the place where it all started doesn’t bring back up those old feelings (also him returning home in the manor that he does just makes my theory/headcannon that he’s Trans go WILD but I’m saving that for ANOTHER DAY)

‘He holds Religion very Close to him’ GOD YOURE SO RIGHT ABT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like even if he doesn’t still believe in god or anything his upbringing still effects him!!!!!!!!!!!!! He still always does the sign of the cross whenever he sees a dead body and obviously that classic catholic guilt and need to repent follows his every actions alongside just, y’know, the average amount of guilt people would feel in his situation BCNEHENDJDND so can you imagine how much WORSE he’d feeling going BACK to Valdelobos and meeting LEON and having all those feelings and fears come up again???????????? OUGH WHY MAKE ME THINK ABT THIS OP /lh

AND and, like you mentioned, Luis always has this reoccurring theme of thinking he has more time than he actually has and that he can run away from anything. It’s honestly so so so very tragic; and just the idea of that cycle repeating AGAIN in something SO PERSONAL (ie, his love for Leon) is just,,,,,,,,,, o u g h it’s so heartbreaking man why would you say that I am strangling you /jjjjjjjj

Luis always thinks he has more time to fix his mistakes, to be a better person- and even when he starts to realise he doesn’t, he still holds out hope. He thinks, ‘tomorrow I’ll tell Leon’, but he never gets that opportunity.

And finally this one is purely self indulgent but I’ve always pictured Luis as being the kind of person to just be happy labelling himself as ‘queer’ cuz it’s quick and convinient but BISEXUAL LUIS SL TRUE

(Also obligatory ‘these are just headcannons/theories/analysis nobody is saying these are CANNON this is just an observation’ message!!!!!!!)

[starkwlkr]

please post about what’s happening in palestine you have a big account

A lot has happened since i left. I’m still educating myself on everything that’s been going on so if i get anything wrong, please let me know. Thank you.

As of now, 7,028 Palestinians have been killed. Many of them are minors.

Recently, Israel denied the Gaza hospital attack. In response, the Palestinian Ambassador called the Israel PM a liar for blaming Islamic Jihad.

I found an article from the New York Times that says American officials say the attack likely killed 100 to 300 people. Gaza officials estimate the death toll closer to 500.

Here are some accounts that have more information and where you can donate.

Some more news about recent events that had happened, one of which has affected my family.

In Lewiston, Maine, a a mass shooting occurred in a bowling alley. The shooter is on the run, his name is Robert Card. At least 22 people have been killed and over 50 people are injured.

The following people are some of the vicitms I could find as more information comes out:

Tricia Asselin, the only woman killed.

Bill Brackett

Michael Deslauriers II, had a girlfriend and three children

Bob Violette

Steven Vozzella

Joseph Walker, 56, he was the manager at Schemegees Bar & Grill. His father told ABC News that his son attempted to go after the shooter but he was shot twice in the stomach.

Peyton Brewer-Ross

Tommy Conrad, he is survived by his 9 year old daughter. He was a new manager at the bowling alley.

Both Steven Vozzella and Bill Brackett were part of a gathering of deaf people playing cornhole at Schemegees Bar & Grill.

In Mexico, Hurricane Otis has left 27 people dead and four are missing. In my house, we cut the cable because it was getting very expensive so we only have wifi so I don’t want the news on TV. I learned about this Hurricane when my aunt from Mexico called my mom yesterday and told her all the damage that the hurricane had caused. I have family in Acapulco, Guerrero, so we’ve been making calls and watching the news on our phones.

Hurricane Otis was a category five.

The storm is one of the strongest ever to hit the southwest coast.

“Communication and power systems remained largely off in much of the state, making the scope of the hurricane’s toll difficult to ascertain.”

Acapulco is a port city with more than 852,000 people. It is the largest city in the state of Guerrero. Many hotels were packed with tourist since the city was hosting a international mining industry convention.

80% of hotels were damaged by the storm according to the governor of Guerrero.

Acapulco remains without power, water and communication.

More than 8,000 members of the armed forces have been deployed to the area. More than 500 emergency shelters were opened for residents.

The president of Mexico, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador has acknowledged that the government was late in arriving because of the havoc that Hurricane Otis had left.

I am praying for everyone that has been affected by these tragic events. I know people hear this a lot and think “oh they’re just saying that, but they don’t actually mean it. It’s just to make them look good for the media.”

No, in my family, we always pray for everyone. Especially now since dia de los muertos is coming up, my family prays a lot during that time. I am catholic, I was raised catholic and I pray for peace on this earth.

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

End gun violence

Pray for Acapulco 🇲🇽

If anyone would like to add links for share more information, please do so!!

Here are some links that I found talking about Palestine.

[the-owl-tree]

PLEASE tear into moth flight's vision i am so interested in hearing ur thoughts about it

look at the time the fandom hyped up dotc so hard i got my hopes up and i vehemently hate this arc because of it. it is a hotbed of misogyny, ableism, shitty characters who are never portrayed to be wrong, abuse apologia, fatphobia, and did i mention the misogyny? like wow. they fucking hate women in this arc.

and i'll be honest when i went i first read moth flight's vision, i was already going in with a negative view because i hated dotc so fucking much...and i hated it! I ended up rereading it waaaaayy later and hated it AGAIN i have no clue why people put this arc or era on such a pedestal it sucked ass so bad. i want a written apology and financial compensation from the erins after i read it.

i know im being like a little dramatic but listen to me. i need everyone to hate this arc as much as i do.

Moth Flight's super edition is a mess of ideas, half-baked executions, and honestly...just bad? It doesn't convince the reader why a cat would be pushed to do this. Everything that goes wrong is because a) Moth Flight doesn't ask for help and b) Skystar, despite being redeemed, is a continuous antagonist that fucks over anyone for the sake of the plot.

The book is so afraid of having to deal with an actual redemption that Skystar is allowed to be the reason why Micah and Tiny Branch are killed yet the narrative refuses to foist any responsibility onto him. He's not allowed to be a villain, he's just there to service the plot then walk away scot free. Why? Why am I reading this??? What is the point of 6 books of this guy being an arrogant bloody dick with a half-baked redemption only for him to saunter out to cause problems with the books need it and don't even bother with sticking to him being an antagonist?! Anytime he's on screen I'm begging for someone to kill his ass already, I don't understand why the narratives tries to also push the blame on Moth Flight.

....speaking of her, her entire conflict doesn't work. Look, the idea of an individual problem leading to an entire societal wide change that cause more problems than it solves is interesting but the book doesn't sell it! The Clans are communal, she has tons of options in asking for help. The narrative is constantly patting my back saying see? see? she can't do it therefore it makes sense why she thinks no one can do it. It's an entire book of "how can a WOMAN raise her CHILDREN without her MAN" and the answer it gives us is: she can't :'( and by the end of the book i feel like i've been spit at. There's an overwhelming sense of disdain towards parents who ask for help (how Moth Flight treats Slate is cruel) and all of it is presented as in the right because the entire thesis is that despite living in a literal communal society where there's an entire rank dedicated to looking after children, single parents (read: mothers) are unable to look after children without a partner (read: the husband).

There's nothing wrong with a law being cruel or unfair, it actually adds to the story! It makes things interesting! But her entire story doesn't sell me on why the law was made, it makes me think more and more that the erins are really fucking weird about women (which has been made even more clear by that shitty kits & queens article no i will not let that go). But Moth Flight's conflict sucks ass, I don't buy it, and I feel I'm being shown one thing and told another.

I especially don't get why they didn't go with the obvious reason of having it be for superstitious/religious reasons (this shit is already so catholic, just go even further into the nun thing). Like, okay, here's my pitch of the law: kittens of medics are thought to be more at risk of curses/sickness/etc. Having it so Moth Flight's children share the same fate as other characters who are born to Medics: doomed to a life of suffering or go onto a path of destruction.

It wouldn't be true of course, the reason these children go off the rails is because the Clans expect them to but it would still be interesting!!

and that is my rant on this shitty super edition, thank you for asking :D

[parishqs]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ wanted connections ( +3 ) ˚₊‧✩ੈ

ੈ✩‧₊˚ OPEN / closed ˚₊‧✩ੈ MASON GREEN ( grant gustin ) is looking for their TWIN SISTER around paris ! they’re apparently around 31 years old, and look like a copy of ANYONE WHO LOOKS LIKE THEY COULD BE GRANT’S TWIN. the mun DOES ask to be contacted @lamouretlechocolat (or @cirillawitcher) before applying. // the two of them were always close growing up. With Mason being the shy one, I’m thinking his sister is more outgoing. But they always have each other’s backs. It would be fun for them to be a musical duo but totally not necessary, that’s just for funsies. All other details are UTP! Feel free to contact me and we can establish some additional headcanons so we are both on the same page. So if the musical duo (think Donny and Marie) is not your thing, then we can think of something else and work their dynamic! 

ੈ✩‧₊˚ OPEN / closed ˚₊‧✩ੈ LUCILLE JACQUEMONT ( taylor swift ) is looking for their EX FIANCÉE around paris ! they’re apparently around 31-33 years old, and look like a copy of ANY FEMALE FC FITTING THE AGE RANGE. the mun DOES ask to be contacted @bigbadwclf before applying. // Due to Lucille's rebellious behavior entering her teens, she was sent to a catholic all-girl boarding school in L.A in hopes her behavior got better. This is the place where she started her metal band and where she met your muse, who was her first friend ever in America and dormmate, and eventual first love. The two developed feelings for each other and started a relationship that lasted around 9 years to the point they were engaged, but things went down between them as Lucille tried to deal with the increasing fame and chose poor coping mechanisms for it around the summer of 2015. They haven't spoken since they parted ways, but she remains Lu's greatest love to date that still haunts her, so seeing her around again would really mess her up. I left the actual reason why they broke up open cause I'd love to plot it all out so I'd please need you to contact me so I can share Lu's bio and we can sort details out. The angstier the better bc I'm such a sucker for messy drama! 

ੈ✩‧₊˚ OPEN / closed ˚₊‧✩ੈ ALEXANDER MORGAN ( tom blyth ) is looking for their FANSERVICE FAKE RELATIONSHIP around paris ! they’re apparently around 27-30 years old, and look like a copy of NAOMI SCOTT, EMILY RUDD, SEYCHELLE GABRIEL, JAZ SINCLAIR, ANY FEMME FC . the mun DOES NOT ask to be contacted @xcestlavie (or actuallystumacher on discord!) before applying. // alex was known for his work on a show in american where he worked with y/m and it was no secret that the pair were shipped because of 'undeniable chemistry', his team saw an opportunity and jumped on it proposing a 'relationship' to the pair to keep their names on people's tongues. alex at least found some hesitation with the set up but after a month of convincing they made their first public appearance. it's been two years since than and alex has moved on from the show to make a bigger name for himself in the industry, the pair still keep up the act because it's what's worked so far. alex moved to paris because he likes the culture and france was also the backdrop of his most recent project, your muse could've followed to keep up the appearance of support for their boyfriend/for a project of their own/or another reason. literally everything about this is plottable, i am a big fan of slow burn (enemies to lovers) type situations. i think it would be hilarious if they didn't even like one another at the start and still take little small jabs one another now. Please be sure to add any extra information or diversity notes here: any femme or nonbinary fc is welcome that fits the age range! where they’re from isn't overly important and completely up to you, i just kind of defaulted to them being american. this isn't an immediate end game situation but has potential to be??? i ship chemistry before anything.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "WARHAMMER 40K Tyranids Pissed Off Space Marines Fight Scene (2023) 4K ULTRA HD" on YouTube

I tried to stop him from infiltrating the shadow dome and getting the giant robots and robot armies and I did but tell my own detriment and the robots deteriorated just as everybody said they would and I could not help it the second I took them out he would start trying and his computers are varied and it takes over computers and uses different formulas just like our friend says he's a Master formula it is working very well for him now I have to figure out what it's doing and our friend said it's fine and easy it said fortress that I described to women bill on Titan and it's really a system of computers and one person can run it but you have to have a whole bunch of laser light computers and what we're saying is all sorts of malarkey and ridiculous and we have to get to it and it makes sense that jhwb defeated him and he defeated him back and also makes sense that Max after it but our friend says that it's a lot more to it and he says he's asking me how many churches there are on Earth that are Catholic and I said about 450 million and then Protestant would be about the same and then there are temples and cathedrals that are not churches the add it all together this 5 trillion of these places with alters each and every one of them probably has something under it and alien each and every one of them are to raise others and maybe even raise something larger they knows how to so we are in a lot of trouble these monsters are all over the place we found them as gargoyles this is going to be chaos and that's what he wants I don't I don't get why he's doing it yes I do he was persecuted and blamed for everyone's crimes it's because he was a sinner and disguising himself but everybody else is but what he does is horrific he says his body and skin can transmutate into just about anyone and he can probably sit there and do it with blood with special with some chemicals and some radiation and not much else and nobody can and his granddaddy did a little to an extent and family and race but he's different just like her friend is and his DNA proved it and thank heavens he mentioned it he didn't know what to do he said he's a giant and I am but I've never been Giant so he's kicking my ass so he has to tell someone this is the story and I'm sticking to it I'm losing and everybody is losing and these Giants came out of nowhere and kicked our robots ass and I had him juiced up okay and we had some teams in there they have to be really bad now these new robots will be hard but I don't think impossible he said what made sense as he took it three or four tier mutant which exist with us and The Rock says Yes and then there's been like he'dora which are higher and have lasers out of their eyes and you mix it with one of the humans and somehow and there you have it Galactus and he says it's amazing please and I do see it too he's got to look the look let me know that we know how to fight these guys these things okay there's someone human and they do feel pain and there are ways to hit them even if they're robotic and I'm not going to disclose where but several places at the same time and I've seen people do it that was The Rock and he said he's valuable and here it is

Not to go on talking but we have to do something

Tommy f

[angeltreasure]

I have been wanting to become Catholic for a few years and have been working through my difficulties. However, the thing i keep coming back to is birth control. I actually came to the Catholic belief on birth control before I really realized i wanted to be Catholic, and so my husband and i have been trying to practice NFP. However, that has just resulted in me being pregnant every year for the past four years. And i love my children of course and I am glad it happened how it did. But it's gotten to the point where I am constantly stressed about becoming pregnant again, and I have postpartum anxiety and depression and I can't even focus on the kids i already have. I still feel that the Catholic position is right, but i don't know how I can practically live it out in my marriage. I can't ask my husband to be celibate indefinitely and nfp hasn't worked at all. I've had 3 miscarriages in between 3 pregnancies and I'm just physically exhausted. And now to add to it i feel i can't ever become Catholic because if i commit to that i have to fully commit to never being able to even use condoms, and i just know I'll be pregnant for the next 10 years and i am terrified of what the next pregnancy could be like because they've always been difficult for me. So I may never be able to participate in the sacraments that have drawn me to catholicism. Do you have any advice or i guess just prayers.

Just in case you did not know this before and I do not claim to assume that you may or may not know already: birth control and contraceptives such as condoms, are not 100% preventative. Condoms, for example, can possibly break.

While the Catholic Church is certainly against all forms of contraception -but approves of NFP- please do not feel unworthy. You can absolutely join the Catholic Church, not matter your past. Do not feel afraid. There are many options we have as Catholics and pro life when raising a child. Many people are willing to volunteer to watch your children, Catholic churches will assist in donating free items to you, pregnancy resource centers offer free classes / free supplies / free support and free counseling. We also have options of adoption, safe haven baby boxes, and surrendering your young baby to a safe place such as hospital / police station / fire station if you cannot raise another in your family. I can link you up to wonderful, free pro life resources if need be. You don't need to be Catholic in order to receive these free resources.

I highly suggest talking to your nearest Catholic priest (or bishop). He will not turn you away; he will be so patient and answer all the questions you have about this in more detail than I can, as someone who has personally not had children yet. You don't have to be Catholic to speak with him. You can e-mail him, call him, or even speak in person to him. It's never too late to consider Catholicism, or even just asking for help in general.

Do not afraid. I will pray for you, and anyone else who sees this. God sees you and understands.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hi, thank you for all you share on here - it's been so helpful over the years. I've just been asked to be godparent to a sort-of friend's baby. I haven't been attending my old church in the last few years because it's catholic and I am still working out how I feel about that. and I also don't think my friend knows I'm gay. I'm feeling conflicted about whether I should tell my friend that to make sure she's okay with it, and also if it'll be okay to even take that role on? I'd be so grateful for any light you could shed on this situation 💜

Hey there, thank you for your kind words! This sounds like a complicated situation that's largely out of my wheelhouse; ultimately, you'll have to decide what's best for yourself. And if anyone else has thoughts, please share!

But yeah, here are my thoughts:

Most important question before anything else is: you want to be a godparent? Especially to the child of someone you classify as a "sort-of" friend? It's okay to turn down the request if you don't think god-parenting is for you / don't think you want that kind of deepened connection with this person and her family. .

If you're not sure whether you want to be / are qualified to be a godparent: I personally think the not-attending-church-often thing doesn't automatically disqualify you. You could bring that up with this friend first though, see what she thinks. But yeah, that aside, the biggest thing about being a godparent is whether you are up for the idea of supporting this child — especially if the worst happens and their parents die, but even if that doesn't happen. Will you commit to offering spiritual support? .

To me, that doesn't have to mean Catholic-specific support. I said yes to being my little sister's Confirmation sponsor while I was in college, even while I was starting to have an inkling that I was queer. And even now that I've "left" the Roman Catholic Church, and am a PCUSA minister, I don't regret my "yes" to being her sponsor. I'm still committed to supporting her spiritually (and holistically) in every way I can — praying for her, offering advice or information when she seeks it, etc. (She's actually not religious at all anymore, which adds more complexity to that; but spirituality is something anyone can cultivate, so I try to help her navigate more "agnostic" spirituality! But that's a tangent.) .

So yeah, if you want to be this child's godparent, I do think your instinct about making sure your friend knows you're gay is probably right; you wouldn't want that to come up later and have her act "betrayed." (If that were to happen, that would be on her, not you — but still probably something you don't wanna have to deal with years down the road). If you don't feel comfortable telling her you're gay, that's okay! That might mean it's best not to say yes to being her kid's godparent — usually being a godparent to someone's kid means being close to them or becoming closer. (You know your own context better than I do, of course; maybe you are able to cultivate close relationships with folks who don't know you're gay! That's fine too; this is just my thoughts about if I were in your shoes, I guess.)

Not sure if this was helpful or just made things more confusing, but there's my two cents for ya! Wishing you well as you reflect on this, anon! <3

[cheerfullycatholic]

hi:) I left church when I turned 18 and now I want to return as I never really lost my faith. I did not grow up strictly religious (my parents told me to „figure it out myself“ which basically meant I didn’t do that) but the polish side of my family is catholic and so was my grandma. I knew this was important to her and knowing how much good it brought her, I want to feel connected to that part of me again.

I struggle a lot with coming to terms with my existence. I tried everything but nothing gives me the warm feeling that I get whenever I think of god.

I want to go back to church and connect to my roots again, but my anxiety goes to the roof when I see more than one person in a church. I am so very afraid of getting judged and I don’t even know how to approach it as my social anxiety took the best of me.

I hope you could help me a little.

Hello ☺️ I totally get what you mean, I have a lot of anxiety at church, as well. What helps me, and I don't know if it'll help you or not, is firstly getting a seat where you're most comfortable. My church has a balcony which usually doesn't have a lot of people in it, I love sitting in the back where I can't easily be spotted. If I can't sit in the balcony, the back row is an excellent place, as well. And, some churches offer a separate room, it's usually for families with children, but anyone can go there. A church I visit sometimes has a room like that with a huge window so you can still see Mass, but you're not technically with the rest of the people. I've never been in it, but it looks nice, and I believe it's connected to the bathroom!

Something else that has helped with my anxiety is knowing that, church isn't about the laity. It's about God. We go there for Him. We're Catholics because of Him. It's all about Him. It doesn't matter what people may or may not say or think about you, all that matters is the Mass. No one's opinion of you is important except for God's, and I know that He is so proud of you, how far you've come, and how much you're trying. He sees your effort, and He sees your struggle. He's with you and He loves you. For me, personally, knowing that makes me feel better.

Another thing you could do is start small. Go to daily Mass, which usually has a lot less people. Get familiar with your surroundings. Being in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people can be scary, maybe knowing your church's layout could help you be more comfortable on the weekend. Or you could get to know your priest. Having someone you know there helps sometimes, too.

Now, as for your existence, I don't know what to say. I struggle with that a lot, as well, and I haven't figured anything out. Sometimes I question my existence, sometimes I hate it 😅 but I guess God has a plan for everyone. I'm trying to trust Him. Some days are harder than others. I wish I could help you.

I don't know if any of this was useful to you or not. I hope it was. Thank you for reaching out, anon. Please know you're incredibly loved and you're in my prayers. I am so proud of you.

If anyone has anything to add that may help them, please reblog this!

[zombiemarydaly]

https://terfsarehomophobic(.)tumblr(.)com/post/668614247922728960/i-kinda-hate-when-radfemsterfs-saying-that-they

thoughts on this post?

https://terfsarehomophobic.tumblr.com/post/668614247922728960/i-kinda-hate-when-radfemsterfs-saying-that-they

Looking at people discussing what they call "terfs" and then there’s me, a person who doesn't believe the people they call terfs should be called that is difficult. Some of the people they think are "terfs" aren't radical feminists at all to the point the label is ridiculous. Others are radical feminists but aren't actually excluding of transitioned people or people who identify with some gender, just the dogma of gender theory.

I don't "exclude" Catholics from feminism just because I disagree with Catholic dogma and point out where it is anti-feminist. They are welcome to participate and reap the benefits of radical feminist change. They will need to tolerate our criticisms of patriarchal religion. No demand to agree, or get lost, or to quit making their case it isn't anti-woman actually, but we aren't shutting up for anyone.

Aside from that I don't think I have claimed people are murdering women for being radical feminists on any kind of scale. I am not aware of it and may not be the best person to ask.

What the OP may be mixing up is how we discuss femicide. People are murdering women and girls for being female. Some of these happen because of a pattern of exploiting female reproduction, sexuality, and menial labor. Some happen due to other social injustices and average physical differences that leave women and girls more vulnerable to attack. Misogyny fuels hate that pushes even more violence. Discussing that is not discussing violence targeting radfems but I could see someone like OP confusing it. Those recent posts of gender fans losing it over "femicide" somehow being a transphobic idea make me suspicious.

Still, the calls for violence against "terfs" are common online on major social media platforms. It is fair to be concerned about that even without claiming murders are happening. People making these calls seem to not really have a grasp of what a terf actually is so that is extra concerning. Sometimes it seems to just mean lesbian @terfstillmeanslesbian receipts blog for that.

Arguably the murder victims of David Warfield aka “Dana Rivers” may have had differences of opinion on transgender issues involved in his motive. I do not think we can know for sure. We do know he protested Mitchfest and that both of his victims were lesbian women who attended Mitchfest despite the protests, plus their adopted son.

Some of the other claims made in this post... UK radfems and gender crits, do you feel "welcomed with open arms"?

I thought it was in the UK that some of the smaller acts of violence against radfems or just gender critical women in general have happened. I don't keep track of all this but I think I remember someone got assaulted in a park. Various incidents of trans activists calling the cops on women. If someone actually recalls the details here please add them.

Lots of women getting no platformed though I won't pretend that's violence. It is silencing. This includes Linda Bellos.

"And I don’t condone violence but if you show up somewhere openly disrespecting and being hateful to a marginalised community, I can’t blame people from the community for how they react to you really."

This would almost make sense if they could consistently distinguish "being hateful" and "openly disrespecting" from anyone who dares to disagree at all, no matter how sincerely open to discussion and anyone who dares to question at all, no matter how nicely.

It still would leave a lot to be desired because yes, you can hold people accountable for rashly deciding to be violent rather than mediating their conflict. Even when actual bigotry is involved. Even actual bigotry is not always a life and death scenario or one that violence is the best response for.

Ask any woman who has to live in this world. If we attacked all sexists we encountered we would have no time left for anything else. Even if we just limited our selves to the serious cases.

Anyone who understands restorative justice knows it is not an easy process or a comfortable one. It isn't always minor disputes among friends. It's also worth noting sometimes two people or marginalized groups can both be hurtful to each other, and there is no clear "hero" or "villain". In those cases mediation stands out as especially important. You can't just say go ham, heroes! Beat the shit out of the villains! That solves everything!

@terfsarehomophobic in case you wanted to respond to anything. I do not know much about what alleged claims of violence you and your anon were reacting to.

[the-quiet-winds]

The Gravity of Tempered Grace (part six)

[part one] - [part two] - [part three] - [part four] - [part five]

[Part 6: When We Live Such Fragile Lives]

The Life and Times of Jane the Queen, Chapter 7 - The Maid of Honor

“In 1532, Jane was promoted to maid-of-honor in the court of Queen Catherine, where she had served as early as 1527. The two were quite close - both were devoted Catholics, even as Catholicism in was falling out of favor in England, which brought them together, even as Jane served Catherine.

Jane’s sister Elizabeth also served Anne Boleyn, remaining loyal to her until Anne’s execution. Due to Jane’s own loyalty to Catherine and her daughter Mary, Jane did not bring Elizabeth into her own household when she became queen.”

Cathy and Catherine exchange no words as they race up the stairs and split off different directions down the hall.

Catherine barges into Anne’s bedroom, where the woman was starfished out on the bed, and shakes her awake. “Don’t make a sound,” she whispers as soon as she sees Anne’s eyes open. “Henry is here.”

Anne, still half asleep, looks alarmed. “Here?” She whispers back.

Catherine nods. “He’s here for Jane. I don’t think he would expect all of us to attack.”

Anne clambers out of bed, but keeps her footsteps silent as she follows Catherine into the hall, where Cathy and a somewhat-awake Anna are standing.

Catherine jerks her head in the direction of Kat’s bedroom, and Anne takes the initiative to wake her cousin.

“Kitty,” she whispers, “Kitty wake up. Janey’s in trouble.”

Kat’s eyes shoot open, but no sound leaves her mouth, even though Anne’s shadowed face lingering inches from her own was definitely enough to justify a squeak.

She and Anne return to the hall, and the house is still silent, everyone waiting for the explosion from downstairs.

But they all hear nothing.

No words spoken, no sounds of distress, just nothingness.

On silent feet, they begin to slowly descend the stairs, but the space Jane had occupied at the front door is now empty.

The door is closed, the lights are all off, and it’s almost as if Jane was never there in the first place.

Just as Cathy turns to the others, a small lamp by the couch flickers on.

The sight waiting for them makes Kat almost gag.

Henry is lounging on the sofa, one arm propped on the back cushion, with Jane curled up against him, her head resting on his chest. They almost look like a picture-perfect couple from those romantic comedies the queens sometimes watched when there was nothing else on late at night. They look like they’re just head-over-heels for each other, except when Henry turns to the ones intruding his precious moment, there is nothing but malice in his eyes.

“Do you mind?” He asks, and if he finds the appalled looks of his ex-wives amusing, he doesn’t let it show. “I am having a moment here with my love.”

“We know about the heart,” Catherine says boldly, stepping in front of the others. “We know you’re just controlling her.”

“Controlling her?” Henry repeats incredulously. He laughs. “Dear, you’ve been reading too much of this world’s fiction.”

“Enough of the games, Henry,” Anne warns, trying to seem imposing in her diminutive frame. “Let Jane go.”

Henry turns to the peaceful woman next to him. “Do you want me to leave?”

In her blissful haze, Jane shakes her head.

“Now, could you all please leave? It’s been five hundred years since I’ve seen my wife, I’d like to catch up with her.”

At the way he spat the word ‘wife’, how he possessively holds Jane, and Jane’s nearly drunken demeanor, all hell breaks loose.

It isn’t clear who lunges where and who grabs who, but at some point Jane is wrestled away from Henry and the former king is on the floor.

“Where is it, Henry?” Cathy demands. “Where is Jane’s heart?”

He gets to his feet slowly, almost as if for dramatic effect. The light from the lamp catches his face in shadows, and the womanizing king they all remembered is truly standing before them once again. 

“Now ladies,” he hisses, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Drop the act,” Kat spits, “where is it?!”

“Watch your tongue, woman. You forget who you’re speaking to.”

“You are no more a king than we are here,” Catherine says, stepping in front of Kat protectively. “You are just as mortal as us. So tell us - where is her heart?”

She’s nose-to-nose with him now, and the tension in the room is so thick you can almost taste it.

“Do you really want to test me?” He warns softly. “I may not be king anymore, but I have other ways of putting you in your place.”

Catherine almost smirks. “Is that a threat?”

“Perhaps.”

“You’re outnumbered here, Henry,” Anne says. “It’s five to one. You can’t win against all of us.”

He narrows his eyes at her, and, oddly, he chuckles. “My, my, I always knew you were short-tempered, but now you’re just… short.”

Anna has to hold Anne back at that, and the former king just laughs again. “Wow, I never thought I’d miss any of you, other than Jane, of course.” He glances to the blonde woman, sitting on the floor with Cathy, incredibly vacant. “But I’ve certainly missed your fire, and tenacity, and,” he leans slightly, catching Kat in his gaze, “other talents.”

God above, Catherine wants to strangle him.

“Why are you even here, anyway?” She demands. “You have Jane’s heart, can’t you bring her to wherever you were?”

“Well what’s the fun in that?” Henry asks. “Then I wouldn’t get to see the look on all your faces when you see me take what’s mine.”

“She doesn’t belong to you,” Anna snarls. “This isn’t our time, anymore. Women aren’t their husband’s property. She doesn’t owe you a damn thing.”

“You may be right about that, Anna,” Henry says. “I don’t own her. But you’re all also right about something else. I do have her heart.”

There’s a cloth bag sitting by the couch, nondescript and nearly invisible, which Henry picks up carefully.

He reaches in, and pulls out a heart.

Jane’s heart.

It isn’t nearly what anyone had expected - it doesn’t have veins running all over it, or a faint sheen of blood - it’s just red. Bright red. Almost glowing red.

“You caught me,” he says, but he’s smirking.

“Give that back,” Catherine demands.

“How many times do I have to say no before you’ll stop?”

“As many as it takes,” Anne says.

“You all are quite committed to this,” Henry comments softly, as if surprised.

“Jane’s our family, and we won’t let you torture her anymore!” Kat says, defiant and strong as she stands next to Anne.

Henry regards them all, scanning each face thoroughly, then looking to Jane and Cathy on the floor.

“Jane,” he says shortly, “come here.”

Without hesitation, Jane gets to her feet and moves to his side.

A cold, harsh shiver runs down Catherine’s spine at the sight of her friend, her once trusted confidant, so helpless against the evil man before them.

“These ladies want me to leave you, do you want that?”

Barely, Jane shakes her head.

“Come on, Jane,” Anna pleads. “Snap out of it. Henry’s controlling you. He doesn’t want what’s best for you. He wants to force you into a relationship.”

“Jane, you deserve better than that,” Catherine continues. “You deserve to have your own adventures and be your own person.”

“He says he loves me,” Jane whispers.

Anne pipes in next. “He says that Jane, but all he’s done is manipulate and control you. That isn’t love, no matter how you look at it!”

“Jane,” Kat adds softly, clearly quite uncomfortable with the circumstances, “he doesn’t really love you. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be forcing you into situations without your say.”

“And he wouldn’t feed you lies,” Cathay finally contributes. “We love you, Jane. We want you to be able to feel again, and do whatever weird things you like to do.”

There’s a tense moment, one where the world stands completely still, and smile begins to creep on Henry’s face.

But then Jane inhales sharply, and her eyes are more alert than anyone has seen in this life. 

“Jane?” Anne asks.

“What is happening?” Jane demands, looking wildly between her fellow queens and Henry. Her gaze finds the heart in his hand, and she lunges for it.

He pulls it out of reach, though. “Back up, Jane.”

Unable to resist, even as her face contorts with frustration, Jane complies, taking several stilted steps back until she’s among the others.

“I see being in the same room with your heart has woken you up,” Henry muses. He clicks his tongue. “How unfortunate. Just means that now I’ll have to kill you.”

[kurtanaaa]

Hi I love your chatfics please could you give me a list of the new directions’ private stories and who can see them?

YES I CAN AND I CAN ALSO GIVE YOU A KISS ANON I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS

okay this is going under a cut bc i am going to talk A LOT!!!! oh i am so excited jfjdjfjksls

so i’ve made a list of what i thought their private story names were before but that was before i really started writing chatfics regularly so this is a great chance to do it again!!!! lets get into it!! this isn’t gonna include the newbies bc i’m setting this before s4 :/// sorry yall

Brittany: my private story -miss girl doesn’t really like private stories with weird names. they confuse her :/ how is she supposed to know what it is if it’s named something weird like 99.9 virgin radio? that’s just a radio station babe! -everyone in new directions is on her story, along with lord tubbington (she made him a snapchat account), a bunch of vocal adrenaline kids she made friends with by accident, some of the haverbrook kids, a couple warblers (trent. she likes him a lot), and most of the cheerios! lauren zizes and matt are also on it!!! -she has banned all football players except the glee guys from her private story. they don’t get her fun times.

Santana: real lesbian girl shit -she’s a megan thee stallion fan and also gay. not much else to it!!! -again, all the new directions are on it, except occasionally she removes finn just to test his patience. she also has lord tubbington bc she loves her girlfriend. all of the cheerios are on her story and she uses it to make announcements to them sometimes (every time a cheerio leaves the squad she boots them from her story). she does NOT have lauren zizes (still salty over the hallway fight) but she does have matt!!! that’s pretty much it tho she doesn’t like to be too public with her crap

Mercedes: TOTS -bitch loves her tots and she made the story when she and kurt were bitching at each other about them. she won’t change it ever. -EVERYBODY is on cedes' private story bc everyone loves cedes. she’s got lauren, matt, most of the warblers that she met through kurt and blaine, a bunch of haverbrook kids, a good chunk of mckinley that she’s met through classes and such, sunshine corazon, even a couple girls from that all girls acapella group at season two nationals. unique is on her story too!!! she keeps up with everyone!!! -she has ALSO banned most of the football players. it is a point of soreness for the majority of them that they don’t get the privilege of being on her story.

Kurt: i diagnose you with gay -he saw a meme that said this once and laughed his ass off so he had to use it -kurt has a surprising amount of people on his story. he’s got all the warblers who were at dalton when he was, he’s got all the new directions plus lauren and matt, all of the cheerios who were on the squad when he was, a bunch of haverbrook kids, sunshine, a few mckinley students he made friends with, unique for SURE, and even some of the nicer football players. he also has karofsky on his story (bc hes too nice for his own good), sebastian smythe (so he can post pictures of him and blaine and make him jealous) and jesse st. james (so he can bully him directly). for some reason coach sylvester is also on his private story. no one except kurt and sue know why and they’re not revealing their plans to anyone. it is terrifying.

Sam: The Blackbird -he named it after the plane the x-men fly bc he is a Geek Bitch. -anyway sam is ALWAYS posting to his private story. every day there's five new videos of various hudmel shenanigans. he likes to record things just in case he has to leave again and he needs memories of his friends. -since he’s a sweetheart and doesn’t like people to feel left out, he’s got a fair amount of people on his private story. obviously the new directions and lauren (and matt! he met matt through mike and they hit it off), and some students from his old schools. he’s got some warblers, a chunk of the football team, some mckinley students, and lord tubbington. it’s a good time!

Puck: VIP ZONE -this idiot just likes everybody on his private story to know that they are SPECIAL and APPRECIATED if they’re there -he posts the most wack shit on his story bc he’s always getting up to something stupid so he keeps the amount of people on his private story low so he doesn’t get ratted out -so pretty much only the new directions are on it, plus matt and lauren and a couple of the more tolerable football guys. he has jake on his story too!!! (in my glee cinematic universe they met earlier and they’re bros) he also has jeff the warbler on his story for reasons known to no one, not even jeff and puck.

Rachel: 🌟Rachel Berry Exclusive🌟 -do i even need to explain this one. -rachel does NOT understand the concept of a private story. pretty much everybody who has her on snap is on her private story at this point. she does not give a shit she wants everyone to know what she’s up to all the time. this means that practically everyone she’s ever met is on there

Finn: cooler than puck's -this man is always competing against puck a lil i know it. puck thinks its hilarious. -not a lot of people on finn’s story! he’s got the usual suspects plus some football guys, and david warbler and wes warbler. they hang out sometimes!!! he thinks they’re fun dudes. he also has jake on his story bc he’s met him a couple times through puck and he seemed chill. also jesse st. james so finn can make him jealous bc he’s a little shit

Blaine: Sometimes Turnt -his story posts are usually very basic but when this man gets drunk he goes off the RAILS on his story it’s crazy -blaine’s another one whos got pretty much everyone he knows on his private story. all the usual suspects and all the warblers are on there. he doesn’t have jesse, lauren, or matt, but that’s bc he just. doesn’t know them. he’s got a couple people that he made friends with at mckinley on there too!! -cooper is NOT allowed on his private story. he is explicitly banned.

Tina: former goth bitches anonymous -’nuff said. -tina has the BEST stories. everyone wants to be on her private story - except for when she’s having a breakdown and keeps posting screenshots of sad songs on spotify. but the thing is she keeps her private story on LOCKDOWN. she’s got her new directions and lauren and matt, she’s got a couple haverbrook kids, some warblers, a goth guy she met at a hot topic, and sunshine!!! but NO ONE ELSE. everyone else is PROHIBITED. NO FUCKING ENTRY!

Mike: The Fuck -mike didn’t know what to name it :/ so he decided to name it after what he’s thinking every time he posts a video of his friends doing something stupid -everyone loves mike. everyone is on his story. thee whole mf gang. the new directions, lauren, matt, jesse, sunshine, the whole football team, all the cheerios, haverbrook kids, warblers, vocal adrenaline dancers, the works. he doesn’t know how they all wound up there considering he hardly ever posts, but he just keeps making friends with people and they’re like "hey you’re very sexy and hot. want to be on my private story" and of course he has to return the favour!!!

Artie: Artie's Priv -short and simple! -everything he posts is edited RIDICULOUSLY. like with stickers and filters and video edits, the works. everything. -he doesn’t have a lot of people on his private story mostly because he usually uses his public one, so he just doesn’t think to add people to his private story. but he’s got the new directions, he’s got lauren and matt, he’s got a few other mckinley students, and... that’s pretty much it. he just doesn’t think about it!

Quinn: Don't let my Catholic guilt see this -this one. i haven’t gotten to use it in a fic yet. but i will. its also fairly self explanatory -quinn is another gal who keeps this shit shut DOWN. almost nobody gets in bc a lot of her stories are just her RANTING about feminism or her life or SOMETHING that's pissing her off that she needs to vent about -she’s got the new directions, she’s got lauren and matt, she’s got some cheerios, and that is IT. nobody else gets to see this shit.

THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUN TO WRITE OUT OH MY GOD I AM SO PLEASED!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS I HAVE NOT FELT THIS MUCH EUPHORIA IN A LONG TIME!!!!!

[teacup-crow]

Shameless

It's the final @zombiesmake session for June! I enjoyed these so much, can't wait for the next ones! This is based on prompt 1 (Shameless by Tyler Glenn) and prompt 3 (a jar of paintbrushes)

Spoilers for S3M23. Simon and Amelia shenanigans from some time in mid-S3. CW for slightly NFSWish jokes/themes and nudity

Amelia makes Simon deeply uncomfortable.

There. He’s managed to admit it to himself. The woman perhaps has the most unnerving manner of anybody he’s ever met, and he’s met a lot of unnerving people. He can’t, try as he might, manage to properly piss her off, and he can bring almost anyone to apoplectic anger when he wants to. It’s by far the least trustworthy thing about her.

Of course, she gets short-tempered when he puts off showering or stops seeing the point of getting up in the morning, and has been known to take extreme action just to rouse him when the smell of his socks becomes unbearably cloying. His gran used to have similar ideas about projectiles or a bucket of cold water to the face whenever he was late for school, so it usually isn’t too difficult to flip her off and flip his pillow the other way up.

But this. This is something else. A step too far.

“Amelia! For God’s sake, put your bloody clothes on!”

“You’re not even a teensy bit interested?” Amelia raises an eyebrow, a hand on one very bare hip, another cupping a breast. Simon blinks the crust of sleep from his eyelashes. He’s long stopped bothering with the mask around her.

“Jesus Christ, is this an attempt to seduce me? Because I’m really not interested in you like-“

Amelia throws her head back in a sweep of platinum hair and laughs in ringing peals. “Seduce you? Seduce… you?! Simon, bless you, sweetie, no offence, but I can do better than a brooding misery guts with half a face.”

“I’ll have you know I used to be a catch,” Simon manages crossly, pulling his blanket self-consciously over the remainder of his hands. “And the face is regrowing.”

“I know. I heard,” Amelia replies. “You were yelling blue murder last night until I chloroformed you.”

“What the Hell!”

“What? You were bringing on a migraine!” She moves her hand from her hip to her temple and massages it, her face pained.

“You chloroformed me?!” Once again, he’s shouting while she remains calm. He has no idea how she does it.

“I’m no good with a migraine! Also, you were screaming ‘oh please someone, someone make it stop, Mother Mary save me, help me, it burns’, blah blah blah. I thought you’d be grateful.” Then, more brightly, she adds. “You’re looking vaguely less dead today, though!”

“Whoopee. Now fuck off and get dressed.” He rolls over, trying to avoid the glare of the daylight streaming in through thin curtains. This apartment is their third hiding spot since they took the boat, and in his opinion, it isn’t nearly dark enough.

“No, you’re awake, you’re getting up, you’re starting the day and allowing me to do you a favour.”

“What do you want, Amy?”

“I thought, as we’ve scheduled a day off for you to recover, I’ve no plans in the works, we can get to know one another. Bond. Build our professional relationship.”

“This is not a professional relationship. You are not wearing knickers.”

“I’ve heard you used to wander round Abel Township shirtless all the time.”

“Firstly, where the hell did you hear that? Secondly, I’m a bloke. It’s… it’s different.”

She smirks, looking him up and down. “You’re what, thirty? And still such a good little Catholic boy. It’s rather cute.”

“I’m an agnostic who would prefer some common decency in his very, very small living space.”

“Oh no, I think you talk a big game, but you, Simon Lauchlan, are a prude.”

“I am not a prude!” Simon growls. “I just don’t want to see you naked after spending a night attempting to regrow my flesh with experimental drugs! Is that really so much to ask?”

“You can always get up and move if you don’t want to have to look at me.”

“Fine.” He clambers out of his campbed, still wrapped tightly in his blanket, and pushes past her with as much dignity as he can muster to the stove, putting on a saucepan of water. He catches a glimpse of himself in the bubbles, and realises the treatment failed. Again. He’s just as disfigured as before. All that pain, all the bullshit and for what?

“It didn’t work, did it.”

“Afraid not, nope. We’re going to have to try again!”

He closes his eyes, and feels his wounds throb, the sound of his heartbeat rushing through his head. “Amy, I… I don’t… I don’t know how much longer I can…”

“Grow a pair of balls, Simon. You’re going to grow your face back if we have to kill you trying to do it. Also, if you’re making tea, I want a cup. I’m absolutely shattered.”

Obediently, he reaches for both the mugs he’d salvaged, knocking a jar of paintbrushes in his search for the caddy. He turns, surprised, and then remembers that she's nude and swings his head back quickly enough to get whiplash. “This is what you were out getting while I slept?”

“I told you, I wanted to spend a day bonding. Getting to know each other. I thought you might like to try life drawing. It could put your mind off things while we try the next vial? If you’re concentrating on something, it might make it easier.”

She’s rendered him momentarily speechless. He stirs the tea.

“Jesus. Okay. But if you ask me to paint you like one of my French girls I’m leaving with the weapons and I’m never coming back.”

“Done. I’ve always wanted a portrait. I do at least expect you to put in a reasonable amount of effort. Try and capture my best side.”

“You are completely shameless,” he says, almost impressed.

“Thank you very much,” she swans off to her room, mug in hand. “Let me know when you want to get started.”

[alarriefantasy]

Hi, all! So it seems that the wonderful AO3 user - objectlesson - aka on tumblr as - horsegirlharry - has sadly deleted their fics. I have only a few saved in my files, but there are some I would really love to possess, if anyone has them? I would really appreciate it if you would message me and let me know! :)

Also, I am posting the whole list of amazing stories they shared for our fandom, and I am marking (with an asterisk*) the ones that I have myself, in case anyone else would like them too! <3

Silver White Winters

by objectlesson

In which Louis catches a cloud and pins it down.

Words: 5106, Chapters: 2/2, Language: English

I Must Confess (I Still Believe)

by objectlesson

Louis shrugs, eyes on the road. “You look cute in the blazer, too,” she says nonchalantly, and what the fucking fuck, what is Harry supposed to think?

“You probably do, too, but I wouldn’t know because I don’t even think you own one? Do you ever actually wear the entire uniform?” she asks, deflecting.

“Not since freshman year!” Louis boasts proudly. “They stopped giving me demerits because it’s, like, a lost cause. I literally haven’t seen my blazer in three years, I just borrow Veronica’s when I walk into Mass.” Her grin is very cheeky and bright, and she’s squinting in the sun, aviators pushed up into the overgrown auburn shag of her hair. The horizon is hazy and pink-orange as dark sneaks up on them, the air smelling of sprinkler water and BBQ smoke from people leaching the last warmth of October before summer’s gone for good. Harry feels alive with possibility, eyes watering as she smiles at Louis, unable to stop. She wrinkles her nose like it’ll somehow hide the way it looks on her face to be in love.

Or, Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl’s School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever.

Words: 44304, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Powerless (and I Don’t Care It’s Obvious)

by objectlesson

“Oh no, Lou, don’t make me laugh,” he whimpers. His Ribena-purple mouth twists into a glorious, breakable shape, and Louis’s heart stops. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet.

Words: 4090, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park

by objectlesson

The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse.

Words: 7556, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

*Life Saver

by objectlesson

Nerd Boy’s giant, dorky, adorable hand shoots into the air. Louis notices he has chipped red polish on a few of his nails and some tattered friendship-looking bracelets, like the sort you make in camp, and he might hear the distant chime of wedding bells. He thought he didn’t even believe in marriage because it’s, like, oppressive and heteronormative or whatever, but that was before Styles, Harry (Harry Styles!!! What an absurd, wonderful name! What a perfect thing to scrawl in the margins of all his notebooks surrounded in hearts!) appeared in the bio lab at his new school and ruined all his principles forever.

or, Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry?

Words: 14809, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Even Your Honey Dew

by objectlesson

It probably says something about Harry that he’s so obsessed with another omega’s arse.

Words: 9512, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

What a Heavenly Way To Die

by objectlesson

She’s thought about it a lot, and two big things seem to be holding her back, aside from the uncontrollable paralysis that overtakes her body every time she so much as tries to sneak a hand under the waistband of Harry’s knickers.

Or, Louis is afraid to do stuff to Harry, who has done a lot of stuff to her.

Words: 8052, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

A Firm Believer and a Warm Receiver

by objectlesson

a few months ago, Louis had his first heat. It was no big deal, aside from it being awkward and weird and all the other things it was supposed to be. He figured he would present as an omega, so he wasn’t exactly surprised or anything.

But then, last week, Harry had his first heat, too.

Or, the omega/omega sleepover fic no one asked for but y'all really, really need.

Words: 10895, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

You’ll Know What Makes The World Turn

by objectlesson

Sometimes, when things are messy and they have more than a few weeks apart, they need the reminder. It’s comforting to have stars to map your course by.

or, Harry’s blue bandana is a day collar.

Words: 4624, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Sing You Butterflies

by objectlesson

Louis stares for a moment before some primal sympathetic force in him activates. He has to help this boy. He can hardly walk, and he seems so young (yet ageless, beyond age, like a sea turtle or a parrot or a tree or something else odd and magical), and on top of all that, he has body glitter clinging to his skin, like that roll-on stuff his sisters used to use as preteens, only pink-gold and twice as thick. It’s, like, professional grade. He’s also wearing grass- and dirt-stained pink silk women’s underwear, so maybe he’s from London. Maybe he’s a drag queen who crawled all the way from a nightclub in Soho just to save Louis from his horribly mundane and woefully heterosexual neighbours out here in the middle of nowhere.

or, Harry’s a clumsy unicorn who accidentally stomps on a witch’s garden and is turned into a human as punishment, so he wanders into a nearby village covered in glitter, still figuring out how to walk on two feet, and meets the fairy-tale-fine Louis, who has to teach him how to live as a human and stop him from eating soap.

Words: 22701, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Holy

by objectlesson

She deserves not to be so goddamned put together all the time. Being in the world’s biggest and highest exposure girlband means she’s never seen without a flat stomach, a spray tan, contouring, eyelash extensions, the whole of her body inescapably toned and plucked and waxed so frequently she genuinely forgot what fucking color her own pubes are. Louis wants to eat burgers and smoke weed and be twenty three. She wants to wake up with Harry and spend the whole day in bed fingering each other because they finally don’t have to have goddamn acrylic nails for once. She wants to grow her pubes out. She wants to lounge around in a posh, red-velvet High Hefner robe.

Or, Louis is dressed like a fucking queen, Harry’s begging please.

Words: 6608, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Only One I Dream Of: A Drabble Collection

by objectlesson

A collection of all the m/m One Direction drabbles and timestamps I’ve written on tumblr, so my readers on here aren’t missing out!

Words: 5164, Chapters: 5/13, Language: English

Diamonds in the Moonlight

by objectlesson

The 70s au where Harry is a rich girl stuck in the suburbs who thinks she loves Shaun Cassidy, and Louis is the skater who breaks into her backyard and changes everything forever.

Words: 16136, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

In the Heat of the Night

by objectlesson

“You’re sleeping with me, obviously,” Harry says then, pausing to regard Louis with a funny expression, nose wrinkled and brows drawn tight. “Don’t tell me you thought that I’d let you freeze out here!? Absolutely not! C’mon, the bedroom’s cozy, I dragged a space heater out.”

Louis wants to protest about as badly as she wants to sleep next to Harry Styles, which is a lot. Too much.

Or, Louis is the only butch in London with a truck and Harry needs to move a couch.

Words: 7726, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Once Upon a Dream

by objectlesson

“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”

Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.

Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

Words: 16643, Chapters: ½, Language: English

From Now Until Forever

by objectlesson

The girls go to Britney Nite and Louis wears Juicy track pants and Harry is not ok.

Niall takes the pint glass back from Harry and takes a swig, regarding her over the rim knowingly. “You’re nervous,” she observes with a grin. “Because you’re gonna get drunk at a gay bar with Louis, and you haven’t told her yet that you wanna marry her.”

“Oh, my god, stop,” Harry scolds, hiding her face in her hands, everything suddenly hot and shivery. “It’s not that,” she adds, even though it most definitely is.

“Then…you’re excited to see Louis in a schoolgirl skirt and bra? Covered in that body glitter that smells like cotton candy?” Niall presses, waggling her eyebrows, making Harry blush at the mere thought of Louis’s golden skin shimmering and sticky under club lights.

Words: 9223, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Hello, Heaven (you are tunnel-lined with yellow lights

by objectlesson

“Oh, yeah?” Harry asks, playing dumb as he helps Louis out of his coat before hanging it up. “A new phone charger? Mine’s still broken, the electrical tape didn’t work.”

Louis makes a face at him, all arched brows and tongue pressed into cheek. “Oh a phone charger? Is that what you need?” he quips lightly, voice high and lilting in this sing-song way that’s so, so high and gentle that it’s scary. He’s putting on a show for Harry, and Harry’s thrilled with it, already shivery and hot-cheeked because Louis got him something naughty, and they’re talking about it without really talking about it, wrapping it up in layers of mundanity and domesticity, still so excited to play the role of two Adults living in their new Adult flat in London that they bought with their own money from the X Factor. Harry’s living an unimaginably glamourous life so suddenly, and Louis and his gifts are right in the middle of it, the heart of his every dream.

Or, Louis buys Harry things sometimes.

Words: 2988, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Dream About That Casual Touch

by objectlesson

And that was the first thing Louis noticed about her. Not her nipples, or not only her nipples, anyway, but the fact that she was so confident with her body and didn’t seem to care that her tits were sort of soft and floppy and uneven or that she had a little roll of pudge around her hips that poked over the top of her jeans when she wore crop tops. She wore what she wanted to wear whether or not it was in fashion or technically even flattering; her hair was always messy, she only wore makeup half the time, and she seemed to like heeled boots even if she was already fairly tall and they made her tower over the boys. Louis always thought it was so fucking sexy how unconcerned Harry seemed with what people thought of her, how comfortable she was in her own skin. That by itself seemed like a sort-of gay thing, so Louis kept a remote, careful eye on her, hoping to one day see something else that blipped her radar.

Or, Louis and Harry fuck up two dates before they finally get it right.

Words: 7678, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

*Smoke Dreams from Smoke Rings

by objectlesson

“When I get a craving?” Louis says, “You have to help me chase it away. Distract me”

Oh. Harry can think of about one hundred different ways to distract Louis Tomlinson. One hundred better uses for his mouth, for example. “Erm,” he squeaks, well aware of the fact that he’s grinning and dimpling and blushing all at once, his whole face a suddenly mortifying warzone of transparent emotion. “How?”

“By hitting my arm as hard as you can,” Louis announces, holding out the arm in question. It bridges the gap between them, stiff and expectant, and Harry stares, not entirely sure if Louis’s being serious, if this is some prank that he isn’t clever enough to understand, or if the promise of touching Louis under any circumstances is so titillating that he just can’t process it. Louis rolls up the sleeve of his hoodie then, revealing his pale inner arm in maddening increments, pushing Harry somewhere between drooling and vomiting, he isn’t sure which. He just knows that his mouth is flooded, and the barely-there ghost of Louis’s veins through his skin is the prettiest thing that he’s ever seen. “Go on, hit me,” Louis orders. “Don’t be shy,”

or, Louis enlists Harry to help him with his bad habit.

Words: 18116, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Black Stars and Endless Seas

by objectlesson

Or, A Star Trek Original Series AU where Lt. Styles is a young science officer on his first away mission, and Louis is the headstrong ensign assigned to his security detail, and maybe they would be able to function together professionally in a normal setting, but not when their shuttlecraft crash-lands and they end up marooned together on an improbably and unfairly beautiful planet.

Words: 32246, Chapters: 3/3, Language: English

Rose Garden Dreams

by objectlesson

Harry thinks it’s a fever-induced delirium, at first. After all, she’s been sick in bed for a full forty-eight hours following the Best and Most Important beach trip of her entire life because fate is a cruel and jealous bitch who doesn’t want Harry to go on a date with the girl of her dreams.

or, Harry is sick and Louis comes to visit her.

Words: 9464, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Palms Reflecting in Your Eyes

by objectlesson

Harry visits Louis at his campus and finds a crop on the wall.

Words: 6496, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Wrap You Up in Daisy Chains

by objectlesson

Ten minutes later, an awkward, long-legged, curly-haired, so pale she’s reflective, and so obviously gay-looking Harry Styles is sitting shotgun next to Louis in a bikini, denim cut-offs, and heart-framed sunnies.

Or, Harry and Louis and a too-small bathing suit.

Words: 10613, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

To Keep the Night From Ending

by objectlesson

It doesn’t always feel real to kiss in the dark, Harry guesses. He wants it to feel real. He wants it to be the realest thing, burnt indelibly into his skin.

Or, Harry and Louis take a night swim.

Words: 5036, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Good Enough to Eat

by objectlesson

“Fuck,” Harry mumbles, shuffling. “You won’t give me shit for it? It’s sorta weird.”

“No,” Louis breathes. “Promise.”

“Okay. I just…fuck, I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Harry whimpers, and he must be blushing because Louis can feel waves of heat coming off him, his embarrassment a hot, palpable thing. “So, like…I love rimming videos. Nothing makes me come harder,” he admits, covering his face with his hands so his voice comes out muffled and strangled.

It takes Louis a few seconds to process, to mentally rifle through his Pornhub search history and remember what rimming even is; Harry has him so stupid he can’t keep stuff straight. His ears ring, and then it hits him, and, oh, fuck. His stomach turns and tightens so quickly he’s gasping, an audible and shameful scrape of air in the dark. “You…really?” he chokes out.

Or, Harry is convinced he’s never gonna be able to try his favorite porn fantasy on a real boy, and Louis offers to remedy this.

Words: 6722, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Grenadine Sunshine

by objectlesson

Harry’s only sixteen, it shows right now, and Louis wants…he wants so many things. He wants to taste the faint, sugary ghost of lip gloss, he wants to cup Harry’s face between his palms and swipe the shimmery wet shadows from beneath his eyes. He wants to show him everything he knows, even though he doesn’t know anything about this, about kissing boys or flirting with them or doing their makeup or even showing them it’s okay to want to wear makeup in the first place. Still, Louis just wants, wants and wants and wants. It’s what Harry does to him.

Words: 18067, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Only Angel

by objectlesson

Louis pops his hip out, looking down at Harry from beneath the cut of his fringe sassily. “How do I look?”

Harry…Harry doesn’t have words, not really. He sits there on the floor with a half-hard cock, gazing up at this taller, scarier version of Louis with wide eyes. “Like I want you to spin-kick me in the face,” he admits after a moment, shakily inhaling. “You look…really good.”

Or, Louis finds a pair of heels that fit, and Harry wants to be ruined, as per usual.

Words: 6599, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Someone Who Knows How To Ride

by objectlesson

Harry gives Louis a lap dance. Or, at least, he tries to.

Words: 5114, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Copper Kiss

by objectlesson

Harry’s not allowed to fly back to the UK without marks to remember Louis by.

Words: 4604, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

You Drive Me Crazy ( I Just Can’t Sleep)

by objectlesson

The first time Louis ends up in Harry’s bed is a total accident.

Words: 18520, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Christmas Without You

by objectlesson

It’s Christmas Eve and Harry misses Louis so badly he might be going little crazy.

Words: 5639, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Vinyl and Lace

by objectlesson

Harry tries on a skirt in the X Factor dressing room as a joke. Louis doesn’t think it’s very funny.

Words: 7541, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Touch of My Hand

by objectlesson

Words: 3104, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: One Direction (Band)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Additional Tags: Tour Bus Sex, Bus Sex, PWP, Up All Night Tour, Uan era, Canon Compliant, baby boyfriends in love, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Established Relationship

Born to Make You Happy

by objectlesson

Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.

Words: 25662, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Taste of a Poison Paradise

by objectlesson

Louis notices Harry’s mouth right away.

Words: 9894, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

A Little Love (is better than none)

by objectlesson

It’s supposed to be no strings attached sex, but Harry’s in love with beauty and tragedy and Louis Tomlinson so there might actually a few strings they’re not talking about.

Or, alternately, the four times they fuck and don’t kiss, and one time they fuck and do (with a few more times thrown in because I’m a mess and know how to write short fics).

Words: 15074, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

*Take Me Under the Blue

by objectlesson

Louis hasn’t even seen his legs yet. He doesn’t know how they work or how long they’ll be. Maybe they won’t suit the rest of Harry at all, and he’ll have to grow into them or something. It doesn’t matter; Louis has loved Harry for a year with scales, so he can’t imagine wonky legs putting a damper on his attraction. 

He supposes he’ll just have to find out. In the meantime, he wonders how the fuck he got here, in his squelching wellies about to save the love of his life from the sea and take him to bed and bang him for the very first time.

It’s sort of a long story.

Words: 19011, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

[larryfanficwriter98]

Ten

*Fake It Until You Make It Real*

-SMEXY TIME NEAR THE END I'LL WARN YOU JUST BEFORE IT STARTS- Also please enjoy my Storytime about this chapter's journey

Let me tell you about the roller coaster that this chapter has been through. I have rewritten this chapter a million and one times in the last few weeks that I honestly have no idea how I finished it. Then right when I got the idea I wanted to stick with my phone BETRAYED ME BY PLAYING GOSPEL MUSIC WHILE WRITING MY SMEX SCENE!!! GOSPEL!!! I was raised catholic though I'm not religious anymore BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHEN THAT WILL THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN VERSE CAME ON AS I WROTE ABOUT GAY RIM JOBS!! My grandma probably rolled over in her grave a few times, my lights flickered, my computer went out of sleep mode...y'all made me summon my grandma and that woman does not like me. She opened my closet door and had the nerve to not shut it after she left. My grandma sang that song every morning so that song summons her and it just happens to be the song that plays while I write about one of the many things she did not believe in.

Side note- Not sure if roadblocks are a thing in the UK/Manchester area but in my town there is a roadblock every Friday and Saturday night (obviously except during the pandemic) and when I tell you they will find every drunk driver above the legal limit that is on the main roads I am not exaggerating. So I mentioned them in this chapter because I'm American and that's what I'm use to. Also throughout this story you will notice I go back and forth between UK English and USA English because I try to respect that this is technically based in the UK and they're British and I know a lot of my readers are British, but I am not therefore I use different wording. If you are ever confused and can't find the correct term googling it please comment and I will tell you what it means.

That is all. Enjoy.

On his days off and hours he had to spare during his workdays Harry finished Freddie's bedroom and had went through Maddie's old clothes in her closet that no longer fit. He also had started going through the toy room downstairs digging through the toys from many years ago that he still had that she played with occasionally for a few seconds. He reorganized the toys and space and made sure there was plenty of room for Freddie's toys and future toys he knew he would buy him come Christmas and his birthday. He took down a few old princess dresses that didn't fit and the accessories and made a note in his home journal to ask Maddie if she wanted him to replace them when he spoke to her next. He made little notes as he threw toys in bags or moved larger things out of the room and by the week of Halloween his home was all ready for Louis and Freddie to start moving in. He left his Murano and keys at Louis' place for that week while he took his Audi to and from work for the few days that he worked and the other days he helped Louis and as promised he was the one who took the train table apart and rebuilt it back inside the playroom at his house.

"Come on Louis all five of us are off tomorrow I can call Amy and ask if she can babysit Freddie at my place and we all go there afterwards." Harry begged.

"Harry, I haven't even met Amy yet or talked with Freddie or even had five minutes to think about it. I'm not going to stop you from going out with your friends and if you want to invite Zayn out then go ahead, he'll be all for it. But I just- I haven't been out to a pub in years not like that at least. The last time I left Freddie with anyone other than Zayn or my mom I was given a fifteen-minute lecture about the apparent abuse and neglect I was inflicting on him by being twenty-two and having fun. I just...I don't want to leave him alone and-"

"Louis you are entitled to have fun a few nights. You're allowed to get a babysitter for a night once in a while. Amy is amazing and you will love her instantly and Freddie will like her. You will cause more harm not taking some you time than you will going out once a month to get drunk. We won't even get wasted we'll eat greasy bar food and have a pint or two then go home. I swear to you, you and I will not get drunk if you're worried about not being available for Freddie tomorrow. You're an amazing Papa Louis and I have no doubt a little hangover will never stop you from being there for Freddie but if you want to stay sober then we can."

"I'm not going to make you stay sober just because I am the lamest twenty-four-year-old around."

"You're not lame. You're a parent. A parent with full time custody. I'm not, I don't have all the...precautions and feelings that you do. It's okay to have boundaries with your son, if you don't want us going inside a home, he is at drunk then we won't drink, or Amy can watch him at your place, and you can drop us off at mine then go home. Whatever you want it's fine and we will respect that. You don't have to worry about hurting feelings or sounding lame. Liam and Niall will completely understand if they are limited to one beer. They will respect that."

"It's not that either. I just want to think about it first. Tell you what, tell Amy to call me at my lunch if she can then I'll give you my answer after we talk." Louis said as he unlocked his classroom door before walking to his desk and setting his stuff down.

"Alright. I'm sorry. I just- I think it'll be fun for all five of us to do something before Halloween this weekend. Since you don't have school tomorrow and I'm off until the third and Liam and Niall are off tomorrow, they proposed a night out. It's okay if you don't want to though, we'll all be together Saturday anyway."

"I'm not upset or feeling pressured relax. I just want to think about it. I will let you know everything when I know." Louis said grabbing Harry's hands as he leaned against his desk.

"Okay. Fair enough. I'm going to go home and finish some last-minute things for this weekend then tomorrow we can go shopping together with Freddie then pick up Maddison and have a family dinner outing then have a family movie night. What do you say?"

"I say that sounds like a wonderful Friday night. I'm glad you were able to get Maddison this weekend."

"Yeah, it wasn't easy. I'm just happy I can have her around my family after so long. My family hasn't seen her in years. Not in person for more than a few minutes at a store at least. I should go before your kids come into the room and see me with their teacher. I'm sure that's in the rule book somewhere."

"Something like that." Louis agreed, "You're allowed in my room just no inappropriate displays of affection upfront of students."

"Ah so I should get my goodbye kiss before they come." Harry said quickly grabbing Louis' face and kissing it all over. Louis laughed and swatted at him pushing him off before he pulled Harry down for a proper kiss with his hands on Harry's wrists as Harry's hands cups his face.

"MISTER T!" Louis jumped pulling away turning red as his early arrivals entered his classroom teasing him already.

"I'll talk to you later." Harry said chuckling.

"Oh, don't stop on our behalf." One of his students teased.

"Don't you kids have breakfast to attend?" Louis said.

"Why should we when the tea is obviously all right here." Harry laughed before he kissed Louis' cheek and left the classroom with a grin leaving Louis to fend for himself amongst the teenagers, "is that the fiancé mister T?"

"Yes, it was and you three saw nothing."

*****

"You didn't text me after lunch." Harry said by way of greeting Louis when Louis got into the Murano.

"I know I forgot my charger at the apartment and wasn't able to charge it. The Nursery teacher called me after Amy, and I had to talk to Freddie because he was upset, he forgot his stuffy at the apartment. I obviously couldn't go get it then my phone died just as I was starting to calm him down, so I haven't eaten my lunch yet nor have I been able to text you." Louis said with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry. You know you can add my name and number to the nursery call list. I can do things...I am going to be your husband, your partner."

"I know you've told me this before I just keep forgetting to since the mornings are always so routine and the afternoons, I'm usually ready to just go home."

"Well how about we do it today. We'll go in together. Then I'll call the boys and tell them we can do it another time and-"

"No, we can go tonight as long as Freddie is okay by the time we want to leave. I told Amy she can come by an hour early so Freddie can get comfortable with her first and we'll decide then anyway."

"Are you sure? It's okay if you want to stay home and get pampered."

"I could use a beer. One beer for me at least."

"Okay. And if we have to wait until Freddie goes to sleep to have that one beer we can. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me as long as you and Freddie are comfortable and happy." Harry said kissing his hand as he drove across the street to the nursery.

******

Louis had kept himself at one beer though he had tried to convince Harry to have fun and get drunk, but Harry had kept himself at two. That didn't stop him from going on the dance floor with Liam who was already on his fourth beer.

"So, tell me about Freddie. I mean obviously Harry talks about him all the time, but I'm sure you can tell me something new." Niall said.

"Really? What does Harry tell you?" Louis asked not at all bothered just curious, he knew Harry had told his friends about Freddie, but he didn't realize Harry talked about Freddie with them.

"Literally everything. The easier question to answer would be what he doesn't tell us. He loves that boy you know, has a picture of you and him in his locker beside his picture of Maddie. Has a picture of him in his wallet too. Harry includes him when he talks about Maddie and sometimes when he gets really animated, he calls him his stepson instead of his fiancé's son. It's cute and I don't think he realizes it." Louis grinned as he looked over at Harry who was being spun by Liam.

"I didn't know that. I think he's worried about going too fast with Freddie considering everything."

"Yeah, he is, but he means well. I get why you two waited so long to mention it to us, with Harry's court situation and with Hannah and with you having Freddie. It's understandable you two just wanted to stay on the low until you knew where it was going. What I don't understand however is why have a wedding so soon?"

"Yeah, Lou why so soon? Are you-"

"NO! No, I am not." Louis quickly said when he saw Niall's eyes widen with excitement, "No. I won't lie the custody situation did encourage me to push for it sooner and also we both wanted a winter wedding, but we also both wanted a small intimate wedding and with all those factors I figured why not do it in January. We talked about it and concluded that if we could make it work then why not. The custody situation alone didn't pressure me into it and neither did anything else it was just a why not situation. We knew we wanted to get married so why wait an extra year. There will be some sacrifices of course, but nothing that is very major or decision changing for either of us."

"I guess that makes sense. That's what Harry said as well that it was just sort how it was planned. I knew Harry wouldn't have pressured you, but I also know Harry can sometimes be a bit...pressuring without meaning to."

"I haven't felt pressured in anyway with him. I know he can be pushy at times, but he has always stepped back when he needed to. Actually, I haven't found any flaws except his puns and dad jokes and - is he always fucking perfect? Like is that a trait his entire family has or just him?" Niall laughed as he set down his fifth empty pint glass.

"Perfect? Harry? I have no idea what you're talking about. That man is not perfect."

"He is perfect, he's always so...composed and in control of himself."

"You do see him on the dance floor, right?" Zayn asked making Louis turn and burst out laughing as he saw Harry and Liam doing a circle while shimmying together.

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT TOMLINSON!" Liam shouted.

"YOU PAYNO!" Niall shouted back.

"Go to hell Irish." Liam shouted as he grabbed Harry's hands and spun together dramatically.

"Okay so he's not always perfect..." Louis conceded, "But he's pretty damn close."

"I think you're blinded by those biceps Lou." Zayn said making Louis turn red as his jaw dropped.

"WHAT?!"

"I mean I can't blame you Dr. Styles definitely has a nice body. I'm impressed honestly. You're not one to go after muscular men."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Louis said looking down at his empty glass with melting ice.

"I tried to hit on Harry when he was transferred to Manchester Royal. I was already a nurse there and here comes this hot young doctor who had scrubs that hid nothing from view if you get what I mean." Niall said, "I mean I'm sure you get what I mean you probably caused a few...accidents during your secret stays." Louis buried his burning face into his hands and refused to acknowledge Niall and Zayn laughing their asses off beside him.

"What kind of view are we talking about Niall?"

"Okay we're done talking." Louis said quickly interrupting that train of conversation as he slid out of the stool and headed to where Harry and Liam were, "I'm stealing him back." Louis said wrapping his arms around Harry's shoulders.

"Only for a few minutes Tomlinson I'll be back for him after a pint. And don't think a boner will deter me we slept in the same bed during puberty when we had sleepovers." Liam said as he headed back to the table with a playful wink and a blown kiss towards Harry who playfully caught it and put it in his pocket winking at Liam right back and puckering his lips. Louis chuckled shaking his head as he pulled Harry away from the table's view and further into the crowd of dancing people.

"Ready to go home?"

"In a little bit, it is getting really late considering we only planned to be out until eleven. I think it's one already."

"Yeah, sorry I know you wanted be home. We can leave-"

"In a little bit Harold. For now, this is as close to a pub date as you're getting from me for some time which means we have to snog in the middle of aroused strangers who are grinding on us in all directions and probably trying to grab one of our wallets without us realizing. It's a relationship requirement." Harry grinned nodding as he looked around.

"I think we're meeting all the requirements."

"All except for one."

"Ah right let me correct that." Louis laughed as Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' waist and pulled him closer to his body just as their lips met. Slowly, almost hesitantly, their bodies started to move and after a few minutes, they were one of the many couples dry humping each other on the middle of the dance floor. Harry grabbed Louis' hand and spun him around then wrapped the arm around his waist and pressed him against his body causing Louis's breath to catch momentarily. He leaned back against Harry, leaning his head on his shoulder letting Harry keep his arms wrapped around his waist while his mouth stayed on his neck mouthing at him in various spots. Louis' hands slid up and behind to wrap around Harry's neck pulling him closer as he turned his face to kiss him again letting Harry's tongue take control while one of his hands cupped his cheek keeping him there. Louis could feel Harry's other hand twitching from where it was rested against his stomach, it was one of the things Louis had learned about Harry that he was very touchy and handsy when they snogged and tended to keep his hands firmly in place on his cheeks, waist, hips, or back not moving them at all except to those safe locations. Harry definitely liked to touch more than he liked anything while also being respectful and mindful of his hand placements and where it was deemed safe to touch. He was also very willing to let Louis be in charge, didn't seem to have any hang-ups about ''roles'' or positions that were stereotypically associated with carriers and non-carriers who were gay unlike most people.

"Oi if you're going to give us a free show at least do something worth watching!"

"Remind me to kill Liam tomorrow morning." Harry whispered against his lips.

"Sure thing." Louis said turning to face him only to be kissed again once he did, "We're being watched Harold."

"Fine. We can continue this behind a closed bedroom door preferably locked too." Louis chuckled as he followed Harry back to the table, "You're getting killed tomorrow morning. Are we ready to head out?"

"Sure, I am and yeah we are. I already paid the tab, so we just need to figure out who is the more sober one of us all and get to your place."

"That's probably Louis or myself." Harry said.

"I can drive." Louis offered, "I only had a pint, I'll be the safest if we hit a roadblock."

"Agreed. Here you are my love. Let's head home." Harry said placing the keys into Louis' hands before wrapping his arm around his waist and walking with him out of the building while the others followed closely behind.

"I have to pee so bad." Harry said running up the stairs as soon as the front door was opened. "Holy fuck my bladder is about to explode."

"Harry always has to pee after a beer. I swear it goes straight through him." Liam said shaking his head, "don't worry we'll show Zayn to the guest rooms and make sure he's comfortable."

"Thanks, I want to check on Freddie really quick. Zayn-"

"I'll be fine." Louis nodded then headed upstairs to Freddie's room entering it as silently as he could. He gave Freddie a forehead kiss then fixed his blankets and tucked him in. He grabbed Patches off the floor and laid the bear beside Freddie then stared at his son until he felt Harry sit behind on the edge of the bed.

"If you stay here any longer, he'll wake up and neither of us are strong enough to say no to a half-asleep Freddie wanting snuggles." Louis chuckled nodding but he didn't move. Harry stood only to kneel on the side of the bed and gently run his fingertips though the messy hair. He gave Freddie a light kiss as well then stood up and pulled Louis up wrapping his arms around his waist as he guided him out of the room, "let him sleep Papa bear. He's fine and we have a busy two days starting tomorrow."

"I know I know I just wanted to make sure he was okay."

"Uh huh. Sure, you did. I'm sure you were hoping he'd wake up."

"Only a small part of me was hoping that would happen. I can't help it he's growing up too fast and soon he'll be too cool for snuggles."

"I still snuggle my mom, if he's raised right, he'll never be too cool for snuggles. And trust me I'll make sure he's raised to love snuggles when he's fifteen." Louis laughed as they walked into Harry's bedroom, well their bedroom now since they were mostly moved in by now. Louis turned in Harry's arms, so they faced one another and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"You know Niall told me something at the table."

"Oh?" Harry questioned wrapping his arms around Louis' waist.

"He told me you have a picture of Freddie in your locker."

"I do in a magnetic frame beside Maddie. You're in the picture too."

"He also told me you call him your stepson when you talk about him."

"I might say that word a few times." Harry said nervously as his cheeks turned red, "I love Freddie, I've told you he's my family now." Louis grinned as he stood on his toes and pressed his lips against Harry's pulling him in closer by his hand in Harry's hair. He walked back until his back hit one of the boards of the four-poster bed frame. Harry moved in and completely covered his body with his own slotting himself between Louis' legs.

"I don't want to like assume anything but-"

"Harry I am pressed up against your bed post by my own decision and you're worried about assuming things?" Harry laughed nodding.

~~The Smex starts in a few paragraphs~~(Smex spelling is so wattpad doesn't get their sensitive feelings hurt by already pre-tagged warnings of smex and the mature thingy tagged...they're pansies)

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted...assuming you're not on contraception methods which I'm not going to make you get on or anything obviously I know that can affect your body more ways than they tell you, I was going to ask what you wanted to do like if you wanted to top or if you have a preference. I'm sure you've noticed I have none and am completely fine with any method since I can't get pregnant. I mean obviously I have condoms and I’m obviously clean and everything I just don’t want to assume anything like you want to bottom just because you’re a carrier and I don’t want you to assume I only want to top because I’m not a carrier and I have an ‘’alpha male job’’ as some like to call it nowadays.”

“Oh well I usually don’t top unless I’m in my more fertile week. As I’m sure you know since men don’t ovulate or menstruate, we have a week of higher fertility rate that we can track by weekly pee sticks. Don��t care to know the science behind it so please don’t tell me.”

“I can give you a long lecture about your hormones and-“

“Don’t make me soft Harold.”

“Well alright. Are you-“

"No, it's always the first or second week of the month, it sometimes comes in the middle of the week, I usually take one very two days until I get it. So, stop worrying and stop talking." Harry chuckled as he pressed his lips against Louis' again pressing himself against Louis who was pressed against the bedpost. Louis' hands ran up under Harry's shirt bunching it until Harry pulled it off followed by Harry pulling Louis' shirt off. Their jeans and pants were off and in a few short moments Louis was bent over the bed with Harry between his legs giving him a mind-numbing rim-job. Something that not five minutes ago Louis would have said he hated because he never had a good one. Louis was very aware of the fact that they currently had six people on the same floor only few feet from them and one of those people being his son, which was why he was trying extremely hard to stay as quiet as he could. However, when two fingers joined Harry’s tongue at his entrance Louis gasp resisting the want to push back against them.

“I could do this all night. How are you feeling?” Harry asked smugly.

“Like if you continue, I’ll cum way too soon.” Louis said trying to swat at Harry but missed.

“If you think that’ll stop me you’ve got another thing coming. Literally.” Louis burst out laughing which quickly turned into a too loud moan that Louis just knew anyone awake on the second floor heard it.

“You ass you did that on purpose.”

“Well, they say you are what you eat.”

“You did not just say that.” Louis said laughing as he buried his face in a pillow muffling any and all sounds that came from him from that point forward. Harry kept his promise as he spread his cheeks wider giving him more room to lick his entrance pushing his tongue in.

A large hand wrapped around his cock and started tugging on it painfully slow while his tongue moved as fast as physically possible. When Harry removed his tongue, he sucked and ran a thumb over the wet hole before going back in not giving Louis any time to breathe between all the sensations. Despite all that not once was it hurried or rough in a way that took away the intimacy of a first time together. Louis moaned as he felt his orgasm building, he could feel it all building under his skin and when it was released it was released in strong spurts on the duvet cover underneath him and Harry didn’t stop until nothing else came out. Then when Louis was sure he’d get some time to breathe Harry pushed two thick lubed fingers inside of him making him groan in pleasure and slight pain at the over simulation.

“You’re not going to let me breathe?” Louis asked breathlessly.

“You’re breathing now, aren’t you?” Louis laughed shaking his head, “You’ll be fine I have faith in you and your lungs. You just relax and enjoy and let me know if you’re too sensitive. I am a doctor I know how to avoid a prostate.”

“No get out you’ve gone and ruined it with a doctor joker.” Louis said.

“Oh hush.” Harry said leaning over Louis to kiss his shoulder as his fingers slowly moved inside of him. Louis was all for slow fingering, but it was currently almost three in the morning and they had a long busy weekend coming up.

“Harry I’m all for slow sex and all but it is almost three in the morning and-“

“I’m obviously not doing it right if you’re able to think.” Louis opened his mouth to retort that Harry was doing great and it was just that it was almost three in the morning, but all thought process escaped his head when Harry pushed three fingers inside of him and started thrusting them, brushing them against his prostate. He moaned not even bothering with the pillow as he gripped the duvet in his fists before Harry rolled him on to his back. He arched his back as his legs spread almost automatically to give Harry’s arm more space between his legs. Louis cursed repeatedly when Harry wrapped his mouth around Louis’ head sucking it down as he fingered Louis, his second orgasm came as a surprise as Harry swallowed it all before Louis even realized he was cumming. Louis pulled Harry down for a kiss as soon as he had enough oxygen in his body and felt no shame when he could still taste himself on Harry’s tongue. His hands gripped Harry’s hair before he rolled them over, so he was straddling Harry’s hips as they snogged. Louis reached over and grabbed the condom on the nightstand then opened it and slowly slid it down Harry’s hard cock. Harry gasped tensing when Louis rolled the condom on before he relaxed and helped position Louis as he held himself in place. They broke the kiss momentarily so Harry could help guide Louis, he thrust up just enough, so the head entered the ring of muscle then his mouth was back on Louis’ to muffle the majority of the sounds that came out as he slowly slid himself down. When Louis was completely seated on Harry, he knew neither one of them would last long for multiple reasons. Louis slowly started a rhythm that he was comfortable with at first since he hadn’t had sex in years then slowly it sped up by both of their doings then Harry rolled them, so Louis was on his back when Louis was wearing out. The new position and angle had Louis burying his face in Harry’s neck before Harry was kissing him again. Harry started thrusting harder and faster leaving Louis to gasp and let out high pitched noises that he couldn’t help and only hoped they were as quiet as they seemed. When Louis came for a third time it was followed almost immediately by Harry as he groaned holding Louis close to him keeping their faces buried in the other’s neck.

“Holy fuck I can’t move.” Louis burst out laughing as rubbed Harry’s sweaty back as they slowly caught their breathes, “I’m serious I can’t move. We’re stuck like this. One and done.”

“I wouldn’t call that one and done.” Louis said making Harry laugh, “I’d call that almost two hours and done.”

“Last time I focus on your pleasure.” Harry joked before he kissed Louis’ forehead then straightened up and gently pulled out. Louis watched as Harry got off the bed and headed into the bathroom leaving the door wide open as he balled up some toilet paper and pulled the condom off. After tying it off he tossed it in the trash then he wet a washcloth and wipe himself off before he came over to Louis and wiped him off making sure to get everything from lube to the dried cum on his ass from when he rolled over the first time. Once that was done, he tossed it into the hamper and pulled off the duvet.

“Are you really stripping your bed? Right now?” Louis teased.

“No, I’m just pulling the duvet cover off, so we don’t accidentally sleep in cum or lube. If you dirty my white duvet, you’re in trouble though.”

“I promise not to ruin your fancy duvet.”

“Good.” Harry crawled into bed and pulled the duvet over them, “Come here and cuddle.” Louis grinned turning to face Harry as he snuggled into his warm body tucking his head against his chest and wrapping his arms arounds his waist, “Perfect. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

[renee-writer]

The Diary of Life Chapter 29 Looking towards the Future

A/N Dear gentle reader, on with the story.  We only have a couple more chapters. I am not sure of the law in the US about whisky making I do know about it in Scotland.    Trigger warning the next chapter will be incredibly sad and depressing.  It will not harm the story if you do not read it.  But this chapter is fun so as always.  Smile.   Please be kind.   From @ladymeraud

 AO3

“So, she was filled with hate and bitterness.” Ian and Jamie talk the next day.

 

“Aye. But maybe more fear of the unknown.  It seemed to be centered on anyone not Scottish or Catholic.  Either way, I pray she finds peace at Lallybroch. I will see she has a full Catholic funeral service.  You are welcome to come to the blessing we will have at her dis-internment.”

 

“I would like that. Ready to go see the distillery?”

 

“Aye.” Claire will be occupied shopping with Suzanne. He kisses her goodbye and they head out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You sure you don’t mind going shopping with me?”

 

“Not at all Suzanne. It will be good. Besides, I might need some new clothes soon.” She blushes.   Suzanne smiles.

 

“Oh, does Jamie know?”

 

“No, I am not even sure.”

 

“Well, let’s find out.”

 

 

“It has been in our family for close to three hundred years.  Started by the original Ian. One thing I have to thank Jenny Murray for. I do hope she rests in peace.” They walk into the barrel filled room.

 

“It is wonderful Ian.” Jamie touches the barrels with reference.

 

“Thank you. We age them for three years. Some of these barrels are fifty to a hundred years old and that gives the whisky a quite distinct taste. We are having problems getting it out of America as Scotland doesn’t trust American whisky.”

 

“I can help with that.”

 

 

They exit CVS with a small bag. “If my doctor wasn’t on vacation I would take you to her. This will have to do.”

 

“Where do we do it?”

 

“My daughter, Rachel, is close and is expecting us for lunch.”

 

They head that way.  Rachel is surprised to see them so soon. “Mom, lunch isn’t ready yet.”

 

“It is okay. We need your bathroom.” She holds the test up.  

 

“Oh wow. You know where it is mom. Good luck Mrs. Fraser.”

 

Claire smiled. “As I am using your bathroom, you may call me Claire.”

 

 

“I propose a limited partnership. I sell your whisky in Scotland and the surrounding countries and you sell mine, here. Fifteen percent of the profit from the sales goes to each of us. The rest to be used to build up the individual brand in the different countries.”

 

“I can surely drink to that.”

 

“Let us. I like to taste what I will be selling.”

 

 

It was strange, peeing on a stick in someone’s else’s bathroom. But she needs to know and isn’t willing to wait. 

 

“Three minutes.” She announces when she walks out. Both ladies wait on her.

 

“Are you excited?” Rachel asks her.

 

“I sure was when I was waiting to find out if she was on the way.” Suzanne adds.

 

“I am. I am ready to have a child with Jamie.”

 

Three minutes later, she takes Suzanne in with her to look at the stick. They both smile.

 

“Well?” Rachel demands when they walk out.

 

“Let’s have lunch.” Suzanne replies with a wink.

 

 

She waits anxiously for her husband to come home.  When he does he is quite drunk. “There she is, my beautiful wife.” He sways as he comes through the door. “I told Ian how much I love you. I tell everyone.” He stretches out his arms, almost falling. Making it to the bed, he falls on to it, jostling his wife. Kicking his shoes off, he leans against the headboard. “I really do.” Then he falls asleep.

 

Claire sighs. “You drunken fool. You will wake with a headache sleeping like that and I had something to tell you.” She manages to  get him laid down flat. “Getting drunk with Ian while I…” Her next sigh is softer. “If you can hear my Jamie, you are going to be a father.” He smiles in his sleep.