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ladystoneboobs · 3 years ago

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Family, Duty, (Dis)Honor

so, something i've put way too much thought into is the parallels between two of my fave westerosi fams, houses tully and lannister. it's to the point that i wonder how much was even intentional. like catelyn/cersei are definitely meant as foils and probably jaime/brynden too in their interactions. but was it intentional that every single tully-named* member of the present main line can be considered a foil/mirror with one of the main lannisters? because imho they all can be.

consider:

hoster tully/tywin lannister

both are great lords whose eldest grandsons are rival teenage kings in the war of 5 kings. king robb saved hoster and his castle through his first victories in battle and hoster expressed pride in his most lucid scene on his sickbed. meanwhile king joffrey frustrated his grandfather and tywin felt he was winning joff's war for him.

[Catelyn, to Hoster:] [...] “Riverrun is free again, Father."

Lord Hoster smiled. "I saw. Last night, when it began, I told them … had to see. They carried me to the gatehouse … watched from the battlements. Ah, that was beautiful … the torches came in a wave, I could hear the cries floating across the river … sweet cries … when that siege tower went up, gods … would have died then, and glad, if only I could have seen you children first. Was it your boy who did it? Was it your Robb?"

"Yes," Catelyn said, fiercely proud. -Catelyn XI, aGoT

[Tywin, to Joffrey:] “Aerys also felt the need to remind men that he was king. [...] And any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king at all. Aerys never understood that, but you will. When I’ve won your war for you, we will restore the king’s peace and the king’s justice.” -Tyrion VI, aSoS

both lords are compared to kings on the day of their funerals. (although in hoster’s case it’s flattery from a near-stranger newly married into the family, while tywin’s praise came from a close and longtime lannister toady after he had served as power behind the throne to multiple kings.)

[Queen Jeyne, to Cat:]"Lord Hoster looked as noble as a king, my lady," murmured Jeyne. -Catelyn IV, aSoS

[Pycelle, to Jaime:]"I have served six kings, but here before us lies the greatest man I ever knew. Lord Tywin wore no crown, yet he was all a king should be." -Jaime I, aFfC

both lords lost their wives in chirdbirth and chose never to remarry, despite having only one surviving son and only one able-bodied son, respectively. hoster's lack of a second marriage to try for another son was likely just as much due to acceptance of catelyn as heiress presumptive after edmure as due to his love for his wife. while tywin's prolonged unmarried status even after his least favorite child became his legal heir could only have been due to his love for joanna and his stubborn refusal to accept jaime's status in the kingsguard.

both lords had brothers who recalled their love for their dead wives and it’s believed they were never the same after losing their ladies.

[Catelyn:]"[...]Once he called me by Mother's name."

"He misses her still," Ser Brynden answered.

.... Lady Minisa Tully had died in childbed, trying to give Lord Hoster a second son. The baby had perished with her, and afterward some of the life had gone out of Father. -Catelyn I & IV, aCoK

[....]Lord Tywin seldom spoke of his wife, but Tyrion had heard his uncles talk of the love between them. [...] “He was not the same man after she[Joanna] died, Imp." his Uncle Gery told him once. "The best part of him died with her." -Tyrion V, aSoS

both lords had brothers they had contentious relationships with. though hoster only had the one sibling, while tywin had 4 total and 2 of them remained loyal admirers. gerion left home and disappeared and we know tywin once froze out genna for half a year when she told him a truth he couldn’t handle, but that’s not as long as hoster and brynden’s voluntary estrangement (while still in the same country) of around ~15 years when the series starts. (perhaps this is down to tywin’s control freak tendencies making it impossible for him to let go of any close kin.)

[Catelyn, thinking about Brynden:] He was Lord Hoster's brother, younger by five years, but the two of them had been at war as far back as Catelyn could remember.

[...]The war had not ended until the day she and Lysa had been wed. It was at their wedding feast that Brynden told his brother he was leaving Riverrun to serve Lysa and her new husband, the Lord of the Eyrie. Lord Hoster had not spoken his brother's name since, from what Edmure told her in his infrequent letters. -Catelyn VI, aGoT

[Genna, to Jaime:]That shadow Tywin cast was long and black, and each of them had to struggle to find a little sun. Tygett tried to be his own man, but he could never match your father, and that just made him angrier as the years went by. Gerion made japes. Better to mock the game than to play and lose. -Jaime V, aFfC

[Tywin’s] relations with his brothers Tygett and Gerion were notoriously stormy. -The World of Ice and Fire: The Targaryen Kings: Aerys II

both lords conducted themselves as widowers such that the daughters who idolized them could not believe they ever had a mistress after becoming widowed, despite the evidence of a dead sexual partner right before her eyes in cersei's case.

She could not believe it. Her brother Edmure, yes; it would not have surprised her to learn that Edmure had a dozen natural children. But not her father, not Lord Hoster Tully, never. -Catelyn I, aSoS

My lord father had no use for whores, she thought. After our mother died he never touched a woman. -Cersei I, aFfC

both lords were very ambitious regarding dynastic marriage matches for their offspring, especially their daughters, which led to an attempted match between jaime/lysa.

in both cases their matchmaking ambitions could trump their children's personal feelings or any chance of their happiness: tywin meant to re-marry cersei against her will after she was a widowed mother of 3 and dowager queen in her 30s, while pressuring tyrion--a grown man whose dwarfism made tywin feel he could still treat him like a child--to marry sansa, daughter of an enemy house bound to hate the lannisters, to steal her claim to winterfell, as a replacement for tyrion's rightful claim to casterly rock. after the jaime/lysa match fell through and lysa revealed her pregnancy by petyr baelish, hoster responded by wedding her to jon arryn, a man older than hoster himself.

[Cersei:]"Three children is quite sufficient. I am Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, not a brood mare! The Queen Regent!" [Tywin:]"You are my daughter, and will do as I command." [....]You are the queen, Tyrion wanted to tell her. He ought to be begging leave of you.[....]"Since you stand no taller than a boy, I have found it easy to forget that you are in truth a man grown, with all of a man's baser needs. It is past time you were wed." [....]"You asked me to reward you for your efforts in the battle," Lord Tywin reminded him forcefully. "This is a chance for you, Tyrion, the best you are ever likely to have." -Tyrion III, aSoS

[Catelyn, about Lysa:]Lysa's match with Lord Arryn had been hastily arranged, and Jon was an old man even then, older than their father. -Catelyn I, aSoS

(cont. from above point) their matchmaking ambitions also trumped courtesy to other great houses. tywin was deliberately rude to the unnamed princess of dorne regarding the prospect of a jaime/elia or cersei/oberyn match. and according to tywin, when jaime ruined their plans for a jaime/lysa match, tywin offered tyrion as a replacement and hoster rudely refused. later, hoster basically extorted jon arryn into marrying lysa by threatening to withhold his military forces, even though the ned/cat match should have already tied him to the rebellion, not to mention that one of his own bannermen had been murdered with rickard and brandon stark. (a situation not too unlike walder frey--tywin’s red wedding ally--extorting 2 betrothals from catelyn/robb when he already owed support to his tully overlords or show!tywin forcing a cersei/loras match by threatening to name loras to the kingsguard.)

[Catelyn, to Hoster on his deathbed:]"You made him take her," she whispered. "Lysa was the price Jon Arryn had to pay for the swords and spears of House Tully." Small wonder her sister's marriage had been so loveless. The Arryns were proud, and prickly of their honor. Lord Jon might wed Lysa to bind the Tullys to the cause of the rebellion, and in hopes of a son, but it would have been hard for him to love a woman who came to his bed soiled and unwilling. -Catelyn I, aSoS

[Tywin, to Tyrion:]"I once hoped to marry your brother to Lysa Tully, but Aerys named Jaime to his Kingsguard before the arrangements were complete. When I suggested to Lord Hoster that Lysa might be wed to you instead, he replied that he wanted a whole man for his daughter."

So he wed her to Jon Arryn, who was old enough to be her grandfather. Tyrion was more inclined to be thankful than angry, considering what Lysa Arryn had become.

[Oberyn, to Tyrion, about their parents:]"Years later, on her deathbed, she told me that Lord Tywin had refused us brusquely. His daughter was meant for Prince Rhaegar, he informed her. And when she asked for Jaime, to espouse Elia, he offered her you [at a time when Tyrion was not only a dwarf but a dwarf baby expected to die in infancy] instead." -Tyrion III & X, aSoS

both lords committed violations against their children relating to control over their sex lives. hoster effectively poisoned lysa to abort her pregnancy by petyr baelish without her knowledge, partly to facillitate marrying her to a husband old enough to be her grandfather. this may have been the cause of her later reproductive troubles, resulting in multiple miscarriages and stillbirths. as stated, after giving cersei to a husband who physically and sexually abused her, tywin planned to marry her off again, despite her protests. and tywin also organized a gangrape of tyrion's first wife, tysha, for her crime of being a peasant who dared to consort with a lannister, and ordered tyrion to participate. hoster's response to lysa's first pregnancy was sadly but likely typical of what some other lords would do in his place. and at the least, he felt genuine regret about what he did to lysa on his deathbed, especially because of the (perhaps unexpected) amount of bleeding. otoh, tywin's interest in tyrion's sex life was pathological. he never expressed any regrets and likely went to hell still thinking he was right in all his abuses of his children.

[Tyrion to Bronn:]"[....]Lord Tywin brought my wife in and gave her to his guards. [....] He sat me down in the corner of the barracks and bade me watch, and at the end she had so many silvers the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling on the floor, she . . . " The smoke was stinging his eyes. Tyrion cleared his throat and turned away from the fire, to gaze out into darkness. "Lord Tywin had me go last," he said in a quiet voice. "And he gave me a gold coin to pay her, because I was a Lannister, and worth more." -Tyrion VI, aGoT

[Hoster on his deathbed, to Cat, thinking she was Lysa:] "That stripling . . . wretched boy . . . not speak that name to me, your duty . . . your mother, she would . . . " Lord Hoster cried as a spasm of pain washed over him. "Oh, gods forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.” [....]

"Forgive me . . . the blood . . . oh, please . . . “[...] His hand groped for hers. "You'll have others . . . Sweet babes, and trueborn. [...] Forgive me," he said, so softly she could scarcely hear the words . "Tansy . . . blood . . . the blood . . . gods be kind . . . " -Catelyn V, aCoK, & I, aSoS

both lords punished disobedient vassals with a massacre which killed innocents. however, tywin's destruction of the reynes and tarbecks was on a larger and more unprecedented scale than hoster's destruction of villages in the rebellion. the survival of the freys with their continued oath-wavering is proof enough that hoster was never feared nearly as much as tywin was.

Lord Tywin did not suffer disloyalty in his vassals. He had extinguished the proud Reynes of Castamere and the ancient Tarbecks of Tarbeck Hall root and branch when he was still half a boy. -Tyrion III, aSoS

[Notch, a member of the brotherhood without banners and native riverlander:]"This was Lord Goodbrook's village. When Riverrun declared for Robert, Goodbrook stayed loyal to the king, so Lord Tully came down on him with fire and sword. After the Trident, Goodbrook's son made his peace with Robert and Lord Hoster, but that didn't help the dead none." -Arya VIII, aSoS

and both lords had overmighty vassals who resented them and attempted to replace them, though as above noted, those attempts ended very differently, mostly because the freys had tywin’s backing.

[Jaime:] "Every great lord has unruly bannermen who envy him his place. My father had the Reynes and the Tarbecks, the Tyrells have the Florents, Hoster Tully had Walder Frey." -Jaime VII, aSoS

brynden tully/jaime lannister

both knights were widely known by a sobriquet, to the point that they are addressed that way more often than by their first names alone. the difference is that the blackfish was able to embrace an epithet originally meant as pejorative, while "kingslayer" is almost always meant as an insult and jaime never stopped being hurt when he was called that instead of jaime.

During one of their louder quarrels, when Catelyn was eight, Lord Hoster had called Brynden "the black goat of the Tully flock." Laughing, Brynden had pointed out that the sigil of their house was a leaping trout, so he ought to be a black fish rather than a black goat, and from that day forward he had taken it as his personal emblem. -Catelyn VI, aGoT

He drew up a yard from Ser Brynden, and inclined his head to the older man. "Kingslayer," said Tully.

That he would make that name the first word from his mouth spoke volumes, but Jaime was resolved to keep his temper. "Blackfish," he responded. -Jaime VI, aFfC

both characters are known for their way with words, brynden's on full display in parley with jaime. both men can also be very stubborn about what they want and believe. the blackfish is known for a give-no-fucks attitude and saying what's on his mind. though jaime tries to affect a similar attitude he actually has a hellava lot of fucks to give, and often his spoken words hide his true feelings, sometimes even lying to himself.

brynden was very close to the 3 tully siblings growing up, practically another parent more than an uncle. jaime did not have the same relationship with cersei's 3 kids, though he is their bio father as well as uncle. (i've always thought not coming out of the incest closet was the one area where cersei was the more rational twin, but it is a bit hypocritical to fuck jaime right next to her passed-out drunk husband, and yet think an uncle taking an interest in his twin's children when they all live in the same household would be too dangerous.)

Nonetheless, during all those years of Catelyn's girlhood, it had been Brynden the Blackfish to whom Lord Hoster's children had run with their tears and their tales, when Father was too busy and Mother too ill. Catelyn, Lysa, Edmure … and yes, even Petyr Baelish, their father's ward … he had listened to them all patiently, as he listened now, laughing at their triumphs and sympathizing with their childish misfortunes. -Catlelyn VI, aGoT

[Jaime, to Cersei:]"He[Tommen] is my seed. He's never called me Father. No more than Joffrey ever did. You warned me a thousand times never to show any undue interest in them." -Jaime IX, aSoS

both men refused the dynastic matches made for them by their lords (elder brother and father, respectively) and still refused to marry anyone else years later. however, while jaime's reasoning in this matter is clear, we are given no specific reason for the blackfish's chosen bachelorhood.

[Hoster, to Cat:]"I told him . . . commanded him. Marry! I was his lord. He knows. My right, to make his match. A good match. A Redwyne. Old House. Sweet girl, pretty . . . freckles . . . Bethany, yes. .... [...] Spit on the girl. The Redwynes. Spit on me. His lord, his brother . . . that Blackfish. I had other offers. Lord Bracken's girl. Walder Frey . . . any of three, he said . . . Has he wed? Anyone? Anyone?" -Catelyn XI, aGoT

Cersei took him aside and whispered that Lord Tywin meant to marry him to Lysa Tully, had gone so far as to invite Lord Hoster to the city to discuss dower. But if Jaime took the white, he could be near her always.

[Tywin, to Jaime:][...]”You are the heir to Casterly Rock. That is where you should be. .... And it is past time you were wed. [....]"

"NO!" Jaime had heard all that he could stand. -Jaime II & VII, aSoS

both knights made their reputations in rebellions which ended in the death of kings. jaime is infamous for his murder of the mad king during robert's rebellion, while the blackfish is famed for his feats in the war of the ninepenny kings, the last blackfyre rebellion, which saw the death of the last blackfyre pretender. though the would-be king maelys the monstrous was killed by another of jaime's foils, barristan selmy, not brynden. both men are known as formidable fighters and jaime thought that single combat between them would have been quite a fight, if he still had both hands.

.... at that age, no girl interested Jaime half so much as Hoster's famous brother, who had won renown fighting the Ninepenny Kings upon the Stepstones. -Jaime V, aFfC

jaime's served in the kingsguard for over half his life (which strained his relationship with his father), though he broke his oath to aerys through kingslaying and later committed treason against robert with cersei, fully willing to kill him too if the need arose. brynden served his kin in house arryn loyally for ~15 years as knight of the bloody gate, guarding the border of the vale (which put further distance in his relationship with hoster), until he left the post to do his duty to house tully defending riverrun. jaime refused to quit the kingsguard when his maiming gave him an out, and tywin demanded he do his "duty" to house lannister. but he was in effect still serving his most immediate family as the king is his own nephew-son and the queen mother is his twin sister.

both knights serve royal nephews, as grand-uncle and uncle-father, respectively. when they meet at the 2nd siege of riverrun, jaime is under orders from the queen and acting in the name of his 2nd kingly nephew-son, while brynden is still acting in the name of his dead kingly grandnephew under orders to protect his queen. both of them recently lost a teenage royal nephew when each of their kings was murdered at a wedding, and each knightly uncle was miles away during the fatal feast.

neither knight was ever head of their house, but they were both very important war commanders in the riverlands campaigns. brynden was made warden of the southern marches (of the northern kingdom) by robb before the red wedding, holding the tully domains in the place of his liege edmure and in the name of his king, in which capacity he held riverrun under siege until jaime forced edmure to surrender. jaime was twice sent to conquer the riverlands, in the name of his king(s), and on the orders of his liege(s), tywin and cersei.

related to the above, brynden tells jaime that the boredom of the siege was the only reason he met him in their failed parley, with siege-based boredom being the same factor brynden counted on to lure jaime into the trap he planned with robb. despite the dullness of sieges and the fact that brynden would be more likely to defeat one-handed jaime, jaime cannot bait him into a fight the way he himself was tricked during the first siege. even after the surrender, when jaime may have thought he’d avenged his own prior defeat there, he finds out instead that brynden has escaped and will not be captured like jaime was.

both knights used harshly pragmatic tactics in the 2nd siege of riverrun. brynden expelled all “useless mouths” from riverrun and picked the land bare for miles around. jaime achieved a bloodless surrender of riverrun only by making horrific threats to edmure. the difference is jaime’s tactics were more unconventional by the “rules” of war and also more melodramatic. (shooting a baby from a trebuchet has to be one of the most needlessly ott ideas for infanticide possible and could only come from a drama queen like jaime.)

jaime claimed to brynden that it should not matter how robb stark died, yet it seemed he shared brynden's opinion on royally-sanctioned murders when describing the details of rickard’s and brandon's deaths to cat.

"I would have slain Robb Stark in the Whispering Wood, if I could have reached him. Some fools got in my way. Does it matter how the boy perished? He's no less dead, and his kingdom died when he did." -Jaime VI, aFfC

[Jaime:]"[...]Answer me this, Lady Stark-did your Ned ever tell you the manner of his father's death? Or his brother's? [....] After, Gerold Hightower himself took me aside and said to me, 'You swore a vow to guard the king, not to judge him.' "

[....]Catelyn could taste bile at the back of her throat. The story was so hideous she suspected it had to be true. -Catelyn VII, aCoK

catelyn tully/cersei lannister

lysa tully/cersei lannister

both ladies had secret forbidden loves from childhood who were their first kiss, first sexual experience, and impregnated them. lysa's love was her foster brother, petyr baelish (an inappropriate match because of his lower noble status), who sired her first pregnancy, which was aborted by her father. cersei's lover is an actual blood brother, her twin, jaime, who fathered all three of her children when their affair continued into her marriage.

[Catelyn, about her own and Lysa’s first kisses with Petyr:]How young they all had been—she no older than Sansa, Lysa younger than Arya, and Petyr younger still, yet eager. The girls had traded him between them, serious and giggling by turns. [....] "He tried to put his tongue in my mouth," Catelyn had confessed to her sister afterward, when they were alone. "He did with me too," Lysa had whispered, shy and breathless. "I liked it." -Catelyn XI, aGoT

[Jaime, about Cersei:]"I can't remember when we first began to kiss. It was innocent at first. Until it wasn't." -Jaime VII, aFfC

both ladies had early sexual experiences where their partner used the name of the woman he actually wanted to be with. for lysa this was her first time with petyr (when he was too drunk to know what was going on), who preferred her sister, catelyn. for cersei, it was her wedding night with robert (who was also drunk but could have at least been aware he'd just been married), who she did not love and who never got over his dead betrothed, lyanna stark.

[Lysa, to Sansa:]"That was the night I stole up to his bed to give him comfort. I bled, but it was the sweetest hurt. He told me he loved me then, but he called me Cat, just before he fell back to sleep." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Cersei, to Ned:]"The night of our wedding feast, the first time we shared a bed, he called me by your sister's name. He was on top of me, in me, stinking of wine, and he whispered Lyanna." -Eddard XII, aGoT

both ladies were originally intended by their fathers for betrothals which fell through, lysa for handsome knight jaime and cersei for handsome prince rhaegar. instead, they were given as wives to other men as a result of events in robert's rebellion, stuck in unhappy and loveless marriages. lysa was disgusted by her husband, jon arryn, because he was old and missing half his teeth. cersei was disgusted by her husband, king robert, because he was fat and persistently drunk.

[Lysa, to Sansa:]"Jon Arryn was no dwarf, but he was old. .... Half his teeth were gone, and his breath smelled like bad cheese. I cannot abide a man with foul breath. Petyr's breath is always fresh . . . " -Sansa VI, aSoS

[Cersei, recalling sex with Robert:]The wrong man came back from the Trident, the queen would sometimes think as he was plowing her. In the first few years, when he mounted her more often, she would close her eyes and pretend that he was Rhaegar. She could not pretend that he was Jaime; he was too different, too unfamiliar. Even the smell of him was wrong. -Cersei VII, aFfC

both ladies eventually killed their unwanted husbands using wine, for reasons relating to their lovers and their children. lysa poisoned her husband on petyr's advice, motivated by a wish to stop him from sending their son to dragonstone, with a cover story blaming the lannisters for his murder. cersei had her cousin give robert strengthened wine during a hunt so he would be mortally injured in his fight with a boar. she wanted to stop him being told that her children were really jaime's, and the crime was covered up as a hunting accident.

[Lysa, to Petyr:]"[....] You told me to put the tears[of Lys poison] in Jon's wine, and I did. For Robert, and for us! And I wrote Catelyn and told her the Lannisters had killed my lord husband, just as you said." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Varys, to Ned:]"Oh, indeed. Cersei gave him[Lancel] the wineskins, and told him it was Robert's favorite vintage." The eunuch shrugged. "A hunter lives a perilous life. If the boar had not done for Robert, it would have been a fall from a horse, the bite of a wood adder, an arrow gone astray . . . the forest is the abattoir of the gods. ...." -Eddard XV, aGoT

both ladies then donned performative mourning dress for their murdered husbands. though lysa made use of her dead husband’s own sigil, and cersei used the colors and gemstone associated with rhaegar targaryen, robert’s enemy. (in contrast, mourning dress is never mentioned regarding catelyn, genuinely mourning the husband she loved and did not murder.)

The Lady Lysa wore black silk, with the moon-and-falcon sewn on her breast in pearls. Since she did not look the sort to join the Night's Watch, Tyrion could only imagine that she had decided mourning clothes were appropriate garb for a confession. -Tyrion V, aGoT

All of them were clad in black, she realized with a feeling of dread. Mourning clothes ...

The queen wore a high-collared black silk gown, with a hundred dark red rubies sewn into her bodice, covering her from neck to bosom. They were cut in the shape of teardrops, as if the queen were weeping blood. -Sansa IV, aGoT

both ladies could be quite possessive about their secret lovers, refusing to believe the men could have their attentions turned on another woman (or girl, in sansa's case), despite any evidence to the contrary.

[Lysa, to Sansa:]"[....]You think you can have any man you want because you're young and beautiful. [.... ]But you are mistaken if you think big eyes and strumpet's smiles will win you Petyr. He is mine." She rose to her feet. "They all tried to take him from me. My lord father, my husband, your mother . . . Catelyn most of all...." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Melara, to Maggy the Frog, in Cersei's memory:]"Will I marry Jaime?" she blurted out. You stupid girl, the queen thought, angry even now.

[Kevan, to Cersei, about Jaime:]"[....]on his way back to Riverrun he left his tail and went off with a woman."

[.... ]Her. The queen remembered the Maid of Tarth, a huge, ugly, shambling thing who dressed in man's mail. Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature. -Cersei VIII, aFfC & I, aDwD

both ladies arranged positions at court for their childhood lovers, so that they could no longer be separated.

[Lysa, to Petyr:]"[....]It was me who got you your first post, who made Jon bring you to court so we could be close to one another." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Jaime, remembering when Cersei seduced him to join the Kingsguard:]By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest. -Jaime II, aSoS

both ladies disliked their lovers’ facial hair.

Littlefinger stroked his chin, where his beard had been before Lysa had asked him to shave it off. -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Cersei, to Jaime:]”I had hoped that by now you would have grown tired of that wretched beard.” -Jaime III, aFfC

both ladies have young sons who inherit their titles before the age of 10. both act as regents for the boys, but each has an uncle who doubts their fitness to rule.

"A woman can rule as wisely as a man," Catelyn said. [about Lysa]

"The right woman can," her uncle [Brynden] said with a sideways glance. "Make no mistake, Cat. Lysa is not you." -Catelyn VI, aGoT

[Kevan, to Cersei:]"[....] and from what I saw of Joffrey, you are as unfit a mother as you are a ruler." -Cersei II, aFfC

both of the said uncles deserted the ladies, so they could return to the family home, refusing to serve their nieces because of choices they disapproved of.

[Brynden, to Cat, about Lysa:]"[....] I asked your sister for leave to take a thousand seasoned men and ride for Riverrun with all haste. Do you know what she told me? The Vale cannot spare a thousand swords, nor even one, Uncle, she said. [....] Well, I told her she could bloody well find herself a new Knight of the Gate. Black fish or no, I am still a Tully. I shall leave for Riverrun by evenfall." -Catelyn VII, aGoT

[Kevan, to Cersei:]"[....]I will remain and serve His Grace . . .

[ . . .] so long as you name me regent as well as Hand and take yourself back to Casterly Rock.

[....]If you will not yield the regency to me, name me your castellan for Casterly Rock and make either Mathis Rowan or Randyll Tarly the Hand of the King. [...] You may make Moon Boy your Hand for all I care. My brother is dead, woman. I am going to take him home.” -Cersei II, aFfC

related to the above two points, both ladies were seen as unfit mothers and had men close to them who wanted to separate them from their sons, as well as a disapproving sibling. in lysa’s case, this was jon arryn, her husband and father of her only living child who was himself old enough to be her (grand)father. later, her sister catelyn expressed a similar sentiment about the boy’s need for fostering. for cersei it was first her own father, tywin, then later even her brother jaime had the same wish. jaime, who is her children’s true father, and thought of cersei as if they were husband and wife. (uncle kevan also shared tywin’s desire to get cersei away from tommen.) the difference is in the boys themselves and how their mothers influenced them. lysa’s smothering and coddling of sweetrobin left him immature for his age and sharing his mother’s fear of outsiders but he is not vicious or sadistic like joffrey was. (and while cersei encouraged joffrey’s arrogance and cruelty, raising him to rule as a tyrant, tommen is little like his brother. cersei is abusive to tommen but to think the only problem with that is an inevitable joffrey 2.0 result ignores all other factors of influence and the children’s own inclinations.)

She[Cat] glanced at her nephew and sighed. "The boy is utterly without discipline. He will never be strong enough to rule unless he is taken away from his mother for a time."

"His lord father agreed with you," said a voice at her elbow. She turned to behold Maester Colemon, a cup of wine in his hand. "He was planning to send the boy to Dragonstone for fostering, you know … oh, but I'm speaking out of turn." -Catelyn VII, aGoT

[Tywin, to Jaime:]”[...] and I want him[Tommen] away from his mother.”

My sweet sister, the deceiver. He would need to find some way to winkle Tommen from her clutches before the boy became another Joffrey. -Jaime VII, aSoS & VII, aFfC

both ladies were resistant to remarriage, relishing the chance to rule on their own. lysa would only agree to marry petyr, the only man she really wanted to be with, who was finally seen as a fit match for her once he was lord of harrenhal. cersei is determined never to re-marry, as jaime is the only man she really wants, but she knows they'd never be allowed to be together publicly. (and unlike lysa, who willingly gave power to petyr once they married, cersei has no wish to relinquish her power to anyone, including jaime.)

[Brynden, to Cat, about Lysa:]"[....] She swears that this time she will choose her lord husband. [....] it seems to me Lysa is only playing at courtship. She enjoys the sport, but I believe your sister intends to rule herself until her boy is old enough to be Lord of the Eyrie in truth as well as name." -Catelyn VI, aGoT

[Cersei, to Jaime:]"[....] I will not have another husband. You are the only man I want in my bed, ever again. [....] I want to be your wife, we belong to each other, but it can never be, Jaime. We are brother and sister." -Jaime IX, aSoS

both ladies' lovers thought they drank too much, and they also gained weight reflected in their gowns, though cersei is in denial about that.

Her aunt's breath smelled of wine. [....]

[Petyr, to Lysa, as she threatened Sansa and spilled his secrets:]"Have you been at the wine again?" -Sansa VII, aSoS

Petyr had given her his late wife's wardrobe, [....] though the great bulk of it was far too large for her; Lady Lysa had grown very stout during her long succession of pregnancies, stillbirths, and miscarriages. -(Sansa II/)Alayne I, aFfC

[Jaime, watching Cersei:]The queen was in her cups, Jaime realized. Of late, Cersei always seemed to have a flagon of wine to hand.[...] -Jaime II, aFfC

[Cersei:][....] her wretched washerwomen had shrunk several of her old gowns so they no longer fit. -Cersei V, aFfC

both ladies are protective of their young sons to the point of paranoia. lysa, because she lost all her other babies and sweetrobin has always been weak and sickly. cersei, because of a witch's prophecy, which supported her prejudice against tyrion, feelings which increased after her firstborn son was killed right in front of her. both mothers are driven by their paranoia to make threats against their own siblings.

[Cat, recalling her parting with Lysa:]She had offered to take Lord Robert with her, to foster him at Winterfell for a few years. The company of other boys would do him good, she had dared to suggest. Lysa's rage had been frightening to behold. "Sister or no," she had replied, "if you try to steal my son, you will leave by the Moon Door." -Catelyn VIII, aGoT

[Cersei, to Tyrion, after capturing Alayaya:]".... You've been scheming against me since the day you came to King's Landing. You sold Myrcella, stole Tommen, and now you plot to have Joff killed. You want him dead so you can rule through Tommen. [....] If Joff should be killed, however, or if Tommen should fall into the hands of our enemies, your little cunt will die more painfully than you can possibly imagine." -Tyrion XII, aCoK

both ladies had an abortion, the only named characters i can think of who did. (as opposed to the more common moon tea, which appears to be more like a fantasy plan b potion) but lysa's was a forced abortion without her knowledge after she told her father she was pregnant by petyr baelish, the boy she loved (who she also raped). cersei chose to abort a pregnancy by her hated husband, robert (who raped her repeatedly), and the man she wanted to be with, jaime, helped her do so.

[Lysa to Petyr:]"I would have given you a son too, but they murdered him with moon tea, with tansy and mint and wormwood, a spoon of honey and a drop of pennyroyal. It wasn't me, I never knew, I only drank what Father gave me . . ." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Cersei, to Ned:] "Your Robert got me with child once," she said, her voice thick with contempt. "My brother found a woman to cleanse me." -Eddard XII, aGoT

both mothers used a whipping boy for their young sons, a practice which doesn't seem to be common in westeros.

[Lysa, to Sansa:]"[....] We keep a whipping boy for Robert, as is the custom in the Free Cities." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Cersei, to Tommen:]"If you lie to me, I will have no choice but to send for Pate and have him beaten till he bleeds." Pate was Tommen's whipping boy, as he had been Joffrey's. -Cersei V, aFfC

both ladies threatened sansa's life when she was in their care and was a prospective daughter-in-law. lysa did so after she saw petyr kiss sansa, and cersei did so during the battle of the blackwater, purely out of spite, so that sansa could not outlive joffrey if he were defeated. (and by the time of lysa’s threats, sansa was outwardly living a bastard’s life as petyr’s natural daughter, alayne stone, without the public protection of her true noble name. years earlier, cersei had made an implied threat against her husband’s actual daughter and actual vale bastard, mya stone.)

[Sansa, to Cersei:]"And if the castle should fall?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Cersei did not wait for a denial.

[...Cersei, to Sansa:]"I do not mean for him[Stannis] to have us alive. [....] So perhaps you had best pray again, Sansa, and for a different outcome. The Starks will have no joy from the fall of House Lannister, I promise you." -Sansa VI, aCoK

Lysa Arryn was frightening her[Sansa] as much as Queen Cersei ever had.

[.... with Lysa at the moon door:]She tried to wrench free, but her aunt's fingers were digging into her arm like claws. Lysa gave her another shove, and Sansa shrieked. Her left foot broke through a crust of snow and knocked it loose. There was nothing in front of her but empty air, and a waycastle six hundred feet below clinging to the side of the mountain.

[...] As they[Lysa and Littlefinger] hugged, Sansa crawled from the Moon Door on hands and knees and wrapped her arms around the nearest pillar. She could feel her heart pounding. There was snow in her hair and her right shoe was missing. It must have fallen. She shuddered, and hugged the pillar tighter. -Sansa VII, aSoS

both ladies are prone to blaming innocents, while denying the faults of the evildoers they love (2nd husband petyr, and elder son joffrey, respectively). lysa blamed sansa and cat for enticing petyr (yet also blamed cat for rejecting him), while denying petyr's forced kissing of sansa. cersei blames tyrion for their mother's death and blames arya for joff's abuse of sansa, while minimizing joffrey's abuses whenever she can.

[Cersei, to Sansa:]"Joffrey will show you no such devotion, I fear. You could thank your sister for that, if she weren't dead. He's never been able to forget that day on the Trident when you saw her shame him, so he shames you in turn." -Sansa IV, aCoK

[Lysa, to Sansa, after Petyr kissed her:]"It was you, just as I thought. You are as wanton as your mother." -Sansa VII, aSoS

both ladies were victims of patriarchal violations against their bodies but also sexually abused others. lysa first had sex with petyr when he was too drunk to consent and thought she was cat, and she refused to realize the truth of what she'd done. cersei hurt her victims intentionally. she twisted tyrion's penis when he was a baby, and years later tried to re-enact her own marital rapes when having sex with her friend taena.

[Lysa, to Sansa, recalling her first night with Petyr:]"[....] he drank until he passed out at the table. Uncle Brynden carried him up to bed before my father could find him like that." -Sansa VII, aSoS

[Cersei, recalling her marital rapes, then later having sex with Taena:]She wondered what it would feel like to suckle on those breasts, to lay the Myrish woman on her back and push her legs apart and use her as a man would use her, the way Robert would use her when the drink was in him, and she was unable to bring him off with hand or mouth. Those had been the worst nights, lying helpless underneath him as he took his pleasure, stinking of wine and grunting like a boar. [....] Cersei pinched the nipple now, pulling on it hard, twisting it between her fingers. The Myrish woman gave a gasp of pain. "You're hurting me." [....] She twisted Taena's other nipple too, pulling until the other woman gasped. "I am the queen. I mean to claim my rights.” -Cersei VII, aFfC

both ladies accused tyrion of murder and tried (and failed) to have him executed. lysa had no previous grudge against tyrion and knew he was innocent of killing her husband because she herself was the murderer. cersei wanted tyrion dead for years, and in her prejudice and paranoia, she genuinely believed he murdered joffrey.

lysa was murdered by her lover, petyr, and cersei's lover, jaime, is a possible murderer of her according to a prophecy. cersei would never expect this of the brother she loves, but lysa never saw petyr's betrayal coming either. unlike petyr, who never actually loved lysa, jaime was devoted to cersei for most of their lives. however, his feelings about her have recently changed, at one point dreaming of knocking out her teeth and at another shooting down ilyn payne’s suggestion of murdering cersei only because of tommen. (which would not be an issue if tommen and myrcella predeceased cersei as prophesied.)

just as cat/cersei both had a son murdered at a wedding, lysa/cersei both have a beloved son who was/is victim of a poisoning plot involving petyr baelish. lysa’s death left her son vulnerable to his stepfather’s plan to slowly kill him through the same drugs used to treat his illness, because petyr is now the boy’s regent through his marriage to lysa. meanwhile joffrey’s death left cersei vulnerable to a downward spiral which could end in her own murder after all her children are dead, if the prophecy comes true. unbeknownst to cersei, the poison used to kill joff was provided by petyr and administered by the tyrells, the boy’s kin through his own short-lived marriage.

edmure tully/jaime lannister

both knights are uncle to their boy-kings through their sister. edmure's kingly nephew robb was a better general than he is and is even seen as a military prodigy, like king robert or daeron the young dragon. edmure tried to respect his much younger king even though he also envied robb's glory. jaime had no respect and little, if any, affection for joffrey, despite joff being his own son as well as his nephew. joffrey was better compared to the mad king than his putative father robert or bio dad-uncle jaime, and even though jaime was captured by robb, he was still considered joff's most valuable warrior.

both knights suffered embarrassing early defeats in the war between their families, partly due to their own rashness and glory-seeking--both men are thought to be emotional and shortsighted. jaime caught edmure before his army was fully gathered to defend riverrun, defeating edmure and holding him hostage. then jaime was defeated and captured by robb after ignoring the loss of his scouts and heedlessly chasing after the blackfish, falling into a trap. in jaime's 2nd riverlands campaign he was more careful with scouting, determined never to be caught offguard again. while edmure's victory at the fords may have been a pyrrhic one, the fact that he won suggests he also learned a lesson and made better use of defensive tactics.

[Ned, learning how Edmure had spread his men to defend all the riverlands]And that may be precisely what Lord Tywin wants, Ned thought to himself, to bleed off strength from Riverrun, goad the boy into scattering his swords. His wife's brother was young, and more gallant than wise. -Eddard XI, aGoT

[...]Jaime Lannister, the gilded knight who men said had never learned to wait at all. "The Kingslayer is restless, and quick to anger," her uncle Brynden had told Robb. And he had wagered their lives and their best hope of victory on the truth of what he said. -Catelyn X, aGoT

related to the above point, both knights unwittingly fucked up a plan of their overlord (robb and tywin) by going off on their own without thinking things through, attacking an enemy whom their commanders hoped to lure into the west instead. edmure wasn’t told of robb’s intent to lure lannister forces back into the westerlands until it was too late (and imho there was no need to keep it secret from him), but he should have realized that keeping tywin away from riverrun and harrenhal would either keep him in the rest of the riverlands indefinitely or send him to king’s landing to defend joffrey instead, either of which would just lead to more problems. edmure was likely blinded by his need to avenge his earlier defeat by jaime and a desire to not be outshined by robb. jaime was blinded by anger over tyrion’s capture when he confronted ned in the street, which left ned too injured to go after gregor clegane himself, which is what beric dondarrion surmised tywin expected and wanted as a way to take ned hostage in return (or kill him). jaime was motivated by his love for tyrion, one of his redeeming qualities, but his fuck-up was both more cruel than edmure’s and more stupid because even with no idea of tywin’s plan, it should have been obvious killing ned could endanger tyrion and killing ned’s men just to punish ned didn’t help the lannister side at all. (show!jaime/show!tywin’s first scene with jaime being lectured about his attack on ned gives me similar vibes to edmure getting chewed out for his “folly of the fords”.)

[Brynden, to Edmure:]"When you stopped Lord Tywin on the Red Fork," said the Blackfish, "you delayed him just long enough for riders out of Bitterbridge to reach him with word of what was happening to the east. Lord Tywin turned his host at once, joined up with Matthis Rowan and Randyll Tarly near the headwaters of the Blackwater, and made a forced march to Tumbler's Falls, where he found Mace Tyrell and two of his sons waiting with a huge host and a fleet of barges. They floated down the river, disembarked half a day's ride from the city, and took Stannis in the rear." -Catelyn II, aSoS

[Harwin, to Arya:]"It was a trap, milady. Lord Tywin sent his Mountain across the Red Fork with fire and sword, hoping to draw your lord father. He planned for Lord Eddard to come west himself to deal with Gregor Clegane. If he had he would have been killed, or taken prisoner and traded for the Imp, who was your lady mother’s captive at the time. Only the Kingslayer never knew Lord Tywin’s plan, and when he heard about his brother’s capture he attacked your father in the streets of King’s Landing. [....] He[Jaime] killed Jory," Harwin agreed, "and your father's leg was broken when his horse fell on him. So Lord Eddard couldn't go west. He sent Lord Beric instead, with twenty of his own men and twenty from Winterfell, me among them. There were others besides. [...] But Gregor was waiting for us at the Mummer's Ford, with men concealed on both banks. [...]” -Arya III, aSoS

edmure tried to defend all his lands and protect all his people, out of a sense of chivalric duty and family honor. when he's not trying to kill children, jaime too tries to protect innocents, also acting from a mix of chivalry and pride.

[Ser Rodrik to Cat, reading Edmure's message:]"[....] He vows to you that he will yield no foot of Tully land without first watering it with Lannister blood."

Hundreds of smallfolk had been admitted to the castle, and allowed to erect crude shelters against the walls. Their children were everywhere underfoot, and the yard teemed with their cows, sheep, and chickens.

[Catelyn:]"Who are all these folk?"

"My people," Edmure answered. "They were afraid." -Catelyn VII, aGoT & V, aCoK

[Tyrion, about Tysha:]"Jaime and I were riding back from Lannisport when we heard a scream, and she came running out into the road with two men dogging her heels, shouting threats. My brother unsheathed his sword and went after them [....] Jaime was all in a lather to hunt down the men. It was not often outlaws dared prey on travelers so near to Casterly Rock, and he took it as an insult." -Tyrion VI, aGoT

[Jaime, about Pia:]One of the Mountain's men had tried to rape the girl at Harrenhal, and had seemed honestly perplexed when Jaime commanded Ilyn Payne to take his head off. .... When Ser Ilyn presented Pia with his head, she had smiled through her ruined teeth. -Jaime IV, aFfC

though jaime is outwardly more confident, both knights are insecure about their reputations (edmure as a “floppy fish” and jaime as both a kingslayer and later a disabled knight) and their father's views of them (especially edmure). however, jaime has the more cold-hearted father while he is still known as tywin’s favorite, and edmure is right in thinking his father favored cat.

[Edmure, to Cat:]"Tell Father I have gone to make him proud. [....] I mean to give him better reason than mere birth." -Catelyn VI, aCoK

Jaime wondered whether Lord Tywin had received the goat's demand for ransom, with or without his rotted hand. What is a swordsman worth without his sword hand? Half the gold in Casterly Rock? Three hundred dragons? Or nothing? His father had never been unduly swayed by sentiment. -Jaime VI, aSoS

both knights had a sister and a sibling of their father's (uncle brynden and aunt genna, respectively) who doubted their abilities to act in their father's place.

Catelyn knew that Edmure had a soft heart; sometimes she thought his head was even softer. She loved him for it, yet still . . .

[Brynden, to Edmure, about his pyrrhic victory at the Stone Mill]"Had it been me I would have flayed you for your stupidity rather than praising this folly of the fords." -Catelyn V, aCoK & II, aSoS

[Cersei, to Kevan:]"[....] Jaime is gallant, but a bit of a fool, let us be frank." -Cersei II, aFfC

[Genna, to Jaime:]"You smile like Gerion and fight like Tyg, and there's some of Kevan in you, else you would not wear that cloak . . . but Tyrion is Tywin's son, not you." -Jaime V, aFfC

both knights had important ceremonial roles at their father's funerals, which left them uncomfortable. edmure had to light his father's funerary boat but was too emotional to shoot the arrow true, dealing with grief and guilt for not visiting hoster more when he was dying. jaime stood guard over tywin's corpse, attempting to keep vigil for a whole week. he felt no grief but more guilt for his role in tywin's death through freeing tyrion. both men didn't want to accept aid with their tasks, though edmure ended up letting brynden shoot the last arrow to light the boat, and jaime left his vigil to comfort tommen.

both men were admirers of (known hot-headed fool) brandon stark, from what they knew of him in their boyhood. edmure served as brandon's squire in his duel with petyr baelish, and jaime wanted catelyn to know that he liked brandon better than ned.

Her brother had acted as Brandon's squire at the duel, and Littlefinger would not forgive that. -Catelyn VII, aGoT

[Jaime, to Cat:]"Brandon was different from his brother, wasn't he? He had blood in his veins instead of cold water. More like me." -Catelyn VII, aCoK

both knights were unmarried at the start of the series, and were resistant to the marriages that were arranged for them. however, edmure just wanted to choose his own bride to avoid an ugly wife and did eventually agree to marry a frey for the sake of robb's war effort, while jaime was motivated by his incest with cersei and still remains unwed.

both men were absent from the wedding receptions where their royal nephews were murdered. jaime wondered how edmure could consummate his marriage while robb and cat were being killed, just as cersei tried to guilt-trip jaime by asking why he couldn’t return home in time to help protect joffrey at his wedding.

"You should have come sooner," she[Cersei, to Jaime] murmured, when he took her in his arms. "Why couldn't you have come sooner, to keep him safe? My boy . . .“

[Jaime, to Edmure]"I am told your wife is pretty. She'd have to be, for you to bed her while your sister and your king were being murdered." -Jaime VII, aSoS & VI, aFfC

both men had important emotional scenes while taking a bath. jaime was sharing a bath with brienne when he revealed the full truth about his kingslaying, a bath which ended in embarrassment when jaime passed out and heard brienne calling him kingslayer. edmure was in a bathtub when jaime threatened him into surrendering riverrun, choosing to play up his reputation for villainy as opposed to the more sympathetic side he displayed in his own bath scene. this traumatic bath also ended with humiliation when jaime called in a singer who happened to be the same man to make a song about edmure's "floppy fish".

the conflict between their families is bookended with each man making choices concerning their children which had major consequences, though jaime’s was a violent choice and edmure’s a peaceful one. the first overt act was jaime pushing bran stark from a tower, to stop him revealing jaime's incestuous relationship and endangering cersei and all their children. later, edmure surrendered riverrun to save his unborn child (among others), after jaime threatened to fling the baby from a trebuchet as soon as it was born--an upward arc which is the opposite trajectory from the straight downward path edmure's nephew bran took when jaime defenestrated him. this surrender can be said to mark the end of the war between the lannisters and stark-tullys, or so jaime hopes.

*(i say tully-named because cat and lysa’s kids are still half-tully as much as they are, but only robb really has a clear, direct lannister foil in joffrey to the same extent as their mothers do with each other.) the outcast of the lannisters, tyrion, does not have a tully counterpart because other than he and lysa both being abused related to their sex lives, i don’t really see any specific comparison points regarding personality and life circumstances as with his siblings and father. anyways, the point is that the golden twins may project all over the tyrell siblings but i see way more parallels between the tully trout and the lannister lions.

#asoiaf meta #house lannister #house tully #tywin lannister #jaime lannister #brynden tully #hoster tully #cersei lannister #catelyn tully #catelyn stark #edmure tully #lysa arryn #this one is super long #longer than i thought #tho i guess i shouldn't be surprised by the length of the lysa/cersei list #Pride of Lions #one fish two fish red fish blue fish #i started this behemoth before posting cat/cersei separately so that's why some quotes are repeated #(c)lsb

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sugarbooger513 · 3 years ago

Text

Mine (Stepbrother!ChosoxFem!Reader)

This is my collaboration piece for @severelytalentless Are You Afraid of the Dark collab! I had a lot of fun writing this... work. I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you to my very amazing friends who helped me out during this piece, especially my wifey @kentosovertime and my bestie @roughwithfluff. It wouldn't have ended up as well written as it did without the help.

Warnings: stepcest, possessive nature, unprotected sex (wrap your willies), oral (fem receiving), spit, Choso slaps reader in the face like once, he also slaps in another place, daddy kink, dom Choso, Choso is very petty, mentions of cheating ex, mentions of alcohol and nicotine consumption, degradation, praise, slight breeding kink if you squint

"Don't bother calling me anymore! I see what's more important to you.." You hang up your cell phone and throw it across the room. Your bed feels colder than it usually does, but you lay on it anyways, allowing your tears to flow onto your pillow.

Your boyfriend, now ex, of two years had called you with a plea, begging for your forgiveness. How could you forgive him, though? When you heard about your best friend sleeping with him, you couldn't get the image out of your head. You knew she thought he was attractive, but there was never a worry in your mind that either of them would take it anywhere.

You sit up, suddenly realizing that he would be on his way home from work in an hour, maybe two. You had to leave before he got home. It wasn't like you feared he would hurt you for leaving him, but he would certainly try to guilt you into staying with him.

Your heart rate increases when you realize that you have no idea where you can go. He knows all of your family, and is pretty loved by all of them. Your stepmom even has the habit of calling him her son. 'Her son...'

You rush to grab your phone, dialing the all too familiar number. If there's one person in your family you can call, it's the one he's scared of.

"Y/N," your step brother lets out a long yawn after answering, "what's up?" "B-bubs.." You can hear him drop something on his end. "Honey, why are you crying?" "He.. he cheated on me.. with her.. you were right.."

Choso bites the inside of his cheek, suddenly enraged at the thought. He never liked that guy. When they first met, Choso punched him in the jaw for being an asshole. You were mad at him at the time, but eventually understood why he did it. Since then, your ex was too scared to look Choso in the eyes.

Still, he now finds himself smiling.

"I'm so sorry, honey. Is there anything I can do?" Your sniffle makes him clench his fist. "He's going.. to be home s-soon." "Drive over here. I'll set up the guest-" "C-can you get me..? I don't want him tracking my car.."

Your pitiful voice goes straight to his crotch. Even though no one else is at his home, he finds himself trying to conceal his half hard cock with the kitchen counter.

"Of course, honey. Pack a bag. I'll be there in twenty." "I-I love you, Choso.. thank you." He has to bite his lip to keep from moaning. "I love you too, honey."

When he hangs up, he groans loudly and places his head on the cool marble. "Okay," he talks to himself aloud, "just.. keep yourself in control. You got this, Choso. She's your step sister, for Christ's sake." He shakes his head, grabbing his keys.

Still, he can't deny the things you do to him. It makes him feel terrible, but you're so damn tempting. He always figured that your hugs would last a little too long, your eyes scanned him a little too much, your hands lingered on him a little too suggestively.

He knew better, though. Your teenage years were spent on tons of dates with guys who were the complete opposite of your stepbrother. He would sit in his bedroom, no doubt on a video game, while he listened to guy after guy go in and out of your bedroom. It wasn't like you were a whore.

Those guys just eventually showed their true colors.

He knows that when you love, you love with your entire heart. That's why he was there for you through every heartbreak. He would hold you for hours, dry your tears with his own shirts, make you your favorite snacks, take you on long walks so you weren't cooped in the house all day.

Why? Well, because in his mind you already belonged to him.

You pace your living room, already holding your overnight bag in your hand. Of course, you'll probably stay with Choso more than one night, unless your dad tells you to stay with him and your stepmom instead.

Who are you kidding? If Choso offers to let you stay longer, you would much rather stay there.

Your front door opens, and you jump in fear that your ex came back early. "Shhh, honey it's me." "C-Cho.." Choso walks across the room in quick strides to pull you into his strong embrace.

His hands gently cradle you against his body. "He doesn't deserve your tears Y/N. Don't give him the satisfaction." "Y-you tell me that after every breakup, Choso.." "I know. That's because none of them deserve your kindness."

You close your eyes and feel yourself relax in his strong arms. He's never let you down. Choso has been the only guy in your life to prove he would always be there for you. You truly trust him with your life.

That being said, you can't ignore the feelings that have formed over the years for your stepbrother.

Your fingers grip his shirt in an attempt to pull him even closer to you. He sighs softly and buries his face in your hair. "Is there anything I can do for you, Y/N?" "Just... don't leave me. Please?"

His heart pounds in his chest at your feeble plea. His throat seems to dry, so he can't manage to speak. Finally, after what feels like an hour, he clears his throat.

"You know I won't, Y/N. I never have." "And never will?" His large hands squeeze your body a bit harshly, but your breath only increases at the feeling.

"I never will. Now, why don't we get you loaded into the car and get you home?" You finally pull away, blinking your still teary eyes at him so innocently. "Home..?"

The look on your face has his body on fire. You look so damn innocent, just like an angel. They're still red and puffy from your crying, but that only has him straining in his pants.

The things he would give to take the innocence from your face this second..

"Of course. My home is yours for as long as you need." He jingles his keys in an attempt for you to hurry and follow.

"What.. what about as long as I want..?"

That sentence has him blushing furiously. He looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course. You're family and I love you, so my home is yours. We should go though. I don't want to-" His sentence is cut short when you wrap your small arms around his frame.

"Cho.. you're the only person in my life that cares this much.." "Don't say that, princess. You know that isn't true." His large hands are so gentle as they rub your back comfortingly. The small action has your heart pounding.

It also has your core burning for more.

"I-I want to stay with you." "Princess, then why are we still here?" There's a hint of laughter in his teasing tone. "I mean.. stay with you." You bury your face in his broad chest, hoping desperately that he gets the hint.

And oh boy does he ever. He can't help the small groan that escapes his throat at the mere thought.

"Y/N.. you don't mean that." You finally look up, shocked at the tint of rosiness on his usually pale cheeks.

"I-I do mean it.. You're the only guy who has ever-" "I'm family." "Not blood. D-Don't act like you don't feel the same Choso!" His eyes widen, and your accusation has him backing away from you, causing your hope to falter. Had you been mistaken this entire time? Had the stares and lingering touches really just been his own way of showing platonic affection.

"Choso.. I-" "Am I truly that obvious, Y/N?" You blink once, twice before giggling softly. "Y-yeah.. have I not been?" "No. Your.. attention always seemed to be on others. I just assumed.. you saw me as your big brother." You shake your head, walking slowly to stand directly in front of him again.

You've always thought his eyes were gorgeous, a slight grey tint over the almost golden color, they truly are their own unique shade, but right now they seem even brighter.

"I.. I was scared. People would.. call us freaks if anything came of any attraction to each other. I mean.. we've known forever that we weren't related, but our parents have been married-" "Going on ten years now. Even dated for five years before that. Trust me," his hand reaches to touch your cheek gently, as if he's afraid he could break you, "I've been bouncing the pros and cons in my head for so many fucking years."

Your cheek fits so easily in his palm, as if it was made to be there. "So.. who gives a damn about the cons anymore?" His eyes darken at your words, suddenly not focused on your gaze, but your lips. "I don't think I do, Princess." He suddenly turns the two of you, pressing your body into the wall that was originally behind him.

His lips hover centimeters over yours, making you whimper pathetically. "Tell me what you want. I'll give it to you, Y/N." His lips turn at the corners, making the already handsome guy seem even more so. Your hands reach out, gripping the loose t-shirt he's wearing tightly. "I-I need you, Cho. P-please?"

"Well, why don't we take this little.. fiasco to my place?" "No." He tilts his head in confusion as you smirk. "Fuck me on his bed.. onii-chan."

His lips are on yours the instant that word leaves your mouth. Despite the fact you're almost certain that Choso doesn't know what lip balm is, his lips are so plush and soft. It catches you off guard, causing you to moan softly in his mouth.

He isn't shy about exploring your body either. His hands grab every bit of plushness they can. Your hips, thighs, ass, until he finally reaches your breasts. His hands squeeze them harshly, not caring about any actual pain he could bring. You gasp in the kiss, which allows his tongue to finally invade your mouth, easily taking over as the dominant one.

He tastes faintly of cheap wine and cigarettes, but that doesn't shock you. You've spent multiple nights in his room smoking and drinking after rough breakups.

You have to smack at his shoulder a few times before he pulls away, leaving a strand of saliva connecting the two of you. He lets out a deep growl before grabbing your arm to yank you upstairs.

He kicks the bedroom door open, not caring about possibly busting the damn thing. "I have waited for so fucking long," he shoves you onto the queen sized bed that you once shared with your ex, "to have you all to myself. Now that I have you..." He pulls the shirt over his head, causing your eyes to shamelessly wander over his toned body. He catches your gaze, causing him to lick his bottom lip in anticipation. "Oh I am never letting you out of my grasp now, little one."

You sit up and, without a second thought, throw your shirt off and into the floor. "A bit possessive, are we?" He chuckles a bit darkly. "I don't see you complaining. Besides," he rips your pants off in one fluid motion, purring at the dark spot already staining your panties, "it seems you know who you belong to." His head is almost instantly between your legs, his hands shoving your thighs open effortlessly.

He licks a long stripe up your covered slit, causing you to mewl. "Go ahead, princess, tell me exactly who owns you." This time he places a small kiss just over your clit. "F-fuck, you!" "Hmmm," his hand comes down to smack your pussy with an unnecessary amount of force. "Not good enough. Try again." He lands another smack, this one making tears prick your eyes.

"W-what do y-you want-" you cry out as he lands two more smacks on you. The pain is startling at first, but it quickly has you moaning in pleasure. "How about that fun little nickname you've given so many men that have entered your bedroom?" You squeak, making him chuckle. "Oh come on, there's no way you thought I never heard you. Always had the fucking nerve," another smack, this one even harder, "to cry out for other men while I was in my bedroom dreaming of making those pretty eyes cry in my bed. Come on, call me that sweet little name and I'll fuck you better than any of those assholes could have."

The last smack has you screaming, and you can't seem to care that any of your neighbors could hear. "D-Daddy! Y-You own me! I-it's always been you, I swear daddy! P-Please fuck me, I-I need it!"

He groans loudly before ripping your panties from your body. "I'll have to remember that you beg beautifully once I get you home." Two of his fingers spread you apart, and he smirks at the puddle of essence already pooling on the bed. "So fucking wet for me, aren't you?" He doesn't give you a chance to answer before he buries his face in you, eating you out like a man starved.

The sudden onslaught of pleasure makes you try and clamp your thighs closed, but one of his hands shoves it back down. His eyes look up at you as he continues to lap at your drooling pussy. The stare speaks every word he can't at the moment.

This is for his pleasure, not yours, and you're meant to lay back and take what he's giving you.

Your fingers tangle in his raven hair, and the slight pain has him growling against you. His lips wrap around your throbbing clit, sucking harshly, and he shoves two fingers into you without any warning.

You knew beforehand that Choso had slept with at least a few women, so he's not inexperienced, but you never knew that he was this experienced. His long fingers curl into you, pushing against the spot that has you screaming his name to the heavens. He has to rut against your mattress in a desperate attempt to get some sort of relief.

"D-Daddy.. I-I'm g-gonna cum.." He could already tell. Your walls sucked his fingers in as soon as they entered you, so he knew you wouldn't last much longer. "Hmmm," his sharp teeth nip your clit gently, but it still makes you squeak, "I sure hope you aren't telling daddy what you're going to do.. That would be awfully rude of you, little one."

The sheer dominance and control radiating from him has your eyes rolling in the back of your head. Since when was your sweet step brother so demanding? "C-can I please cum, daddy? I-It feels t-too good.." You feel that damn smirk against your clit. "Of course, baby. Just scream my name when you do it, okay?"

He really must not like you talking much, because he doesn't let you answer him before he starts ruthlessly pounding his fingers into your cunt. Your entire body arches from the bed as you cry out for him. It takes one last flick of his tongue on your swollen bud to have you writing in the bed, coming completely undone before he even pulled his pants off.

He slows down, but doesn't completely stop, allowing you to ride out your high as he uses his tongue to lap up every drop of sweetness pouring from you. "Good girl, I've got you sweetheart. Are you feeling up for more, or do you need to stop until we go home?"

He sits up, eyeballing your form as he licks his lips clean, ignoring the fact he's dripping your own cum from his chin onto you.

You giggle, still a bit spaced out from the intense orgasm. "W-want you.. inside me, please daddy?" He chuckles softly before reaching to finally unhook your bra and fling it to the side. "Of course baby. Where are your condoms?" "D-Don't have any. I'm on.. the pill." His cheeks flush a bit, but he doesn't question anything else.

He makes quick work of his sweatpants, leaving him in only his boxers. The outline of his cock alone has you snapping back to reality. When he pulls the boxers down, you outwardly moan when it slaps back against his abdomen. He's much bigger than any guy you've had before. Also, it's so.. pretty.

The shaft is a lot like the rest of his skin, a very pale color that almost shines if sunlight hits it. The head is a soft pink, very reminiscent of the blushes he always seemed to get if you teased him too much, with droplets of precum around it. A large vein runs from the underside of it, and you can see it actually throb the more he stares at you.

"See something you like, love?" You whimper at the very affectionate nickname. "I-is it going to fit? I mean.. I've never.." "Don't worry, little one," he gently lays you back, "daddy will get it to fit. If it hurts too much, just let me know. Okay?" he grabs one of your exes' pillows, placing it gently under your lower back. "O-okay, daddy. I trust you."

His smile warms your heart. "That's my good girl. Spread your legs for me." You nod, following his instructions immediately. His hand reaches between the two of you, grabbing his cock and gently rubbing the tip around your entrance. "You sure you want this, Y/N? I don't want you to feel forced." You whimper, nodding instantly. "P-please fuck me, Choso.. I've waited so long.." You spread your legs more, effortlessly enticing him.

When his tip enters you, you're already a moaning mess. It just feels too good. He watches your expressions intently as he slowly pushes into you, searching for any signs of discomfort. Once he's about halfway in, he stops completely.

"How you doin' baby? Any pain?" He leans down to give you a gentle kiss. "G-good. I-it kinda burns, but nothing bad, I promise." He smiles against your mouth and starts to push in again. "We're almost there, little one. Just- fuuuuck." He finally bottoms out, the stretch of it making you whimper loudly and wiggle around. He pants on your face, the scent of you still heavy on his breath.

"S-so fucking tight.. can't believe this is happening..”

He chuckles softly, giving a tentative thrust into your heat. You bite down on your lip, finding both pain and pleasure in the burn that courses through your body. "D-daddy-" He cuts off the rest of your sentence by leaning back onto his knees and grabbing the back of both of your thighs. He manhandles you easily into what you can only assume is a mating press.

"So easy to throw around, aren't you? My pretty baby.." He pulls out of you until only his tip is still inside before slamming back in, causing you to see stars. "You take cock like a pro, baby. I wasn't sure a cute little thing like you could handle it." You tighten around him at his foul language, causing him to growl. "I'm gonna ruin you for anyone else, baby. I'll make sure I'm the only one who can make you scream. You want that, baby? Want daddy to fuck the imprint of his cock into your slutty little hole?"

You throw your head back and cry out for him. "P-please! Make me your little toy, daddy. W-want you to own me.. prove who I belong to, please?" You know you've done it now from the way he snarls at you. However, the sudden ringing of your phone makes both of you freeze. He leans back up to wrap your thighs around his torso.

He's the first to reach to the floor and grab it, still buried deep inside of you. "Oh, lookie there.. a video call. Hello?" Did he-

"Choso? Where is Y/N? Why do you have her phone?" Your ex's voice sounds from the speaker, making your eyes shoot open. You meet Choso's eyes, mouthing the words 'hang up' over and over.

"What does it matter? She dumped you and called me." "Of course she did. Dude, let me talk to her." Choso chuckles darkly, finally thrusting into you, making you squeak loudly despite your best effort to stay quiet.

"What was that?" "Y/N. She's currently.. held up. Or.. down, rather." He smirks at his own joke, reaching down his free hand to start circling your clit with his middle finger. The feeling has you tightening your thighs around his waist.

"You... what?" "Are you deaf and stupid? I said she's busy, aren't you little one?" He smirks down at your form, panting and shaking your head in a desperate, silent plea. This can not be how everyone finds out about this. No way in hell.

Choso's mocking pout makes your face flare up. "She seems a little shy. Let me show you instead." "N-no! Choso I-!" The choking gasp from the phone call shuts you up. Choso's eyes show no mercy as he looks at you almost amused. "That isn't what you should be calling me, is it?"

You look directly at the camera on the back of your phone, your face a deep scarlet color. Before you can correct yourself, the hand that was idly playing with your clit launches up, smacking your cheek with enough force to have your eyes switch to his. He smirks and shoves his index and middle fingers in your mouth without warning, making the ring he wears clack a bit painfully into your teeth.

"Pretty little whore just needs to learn some manners. Don't you, love?" He gets a wicked grin seeing how you blabber around his digits, trying so desperately to behave and give him an answer. "Sorry, princess, I didn't quite hear you. Try again for daddy." He shoves his fingers farther down your throat, causing you to gag and cough. Spit pours out of your kiss bruised lips, making Choso moan above you.

Your teary eyes make him pull his fingers out, wiping the spit across your face. "Why didn't you tell me you couldn't speak? Silly little girl. Now, what should you be calling me?" "D-Daddy! I'm s-so sorry.." He groans, running his thumb down your bottom lip. He gently pries your mouth open before leaning over you, letting spit fall from his tongue into your waiting mouth. He purrs as you swallow it so obediently. "I know you are. You're such a good girl for me. Oh, he hung up." Choso chuckles softly and tosses your phone back to the floor.

"I believe that I have some work to finish, right baby?" Both of his hands grab your hips, surely leaving bruises, before he starts to mercilessly ram into your sopping cunt. Your throat is still somewhat raw from his fingers being in it not two minutes ago, but he's determined to pull every sound he can from you.

He slides one hand down, harshly pinching and rolling your swollen clit between two fingers. Your cries only encourage his ruthless actions.

"D-daddy I-I.. something.. something doesn't-" Your pleas are cut off when the hand on your hip actually lifts you off the bed, giving him enough access for the tip of his cock to batter into your cervix.

If you aren't sore tomorrow, he hasn't done his job.

Sweat drips down his forehead and chest as he growls deeply. "There we go baby. T-that's the spot. Cum for daddy, want you screaming until my name is the only t-thing you know." His hand starts slapping your exposed clit again, finally throwing you over the edge. When the coil in your abdomen snaps, you scream his name, raw throat be damned.

Choso hisses as you tighten around his cock, spraying his lower abdomen in your essence. "Sh-shit I-" His sentence trails off when he thrusts into you one more time, letting out an animalistic snarl as his own climax washes over him.

You can feel his cock throb as he unloads his seed deep inside you. The feeling makes you tremble and mewl. There's so much of it that it still manages to spill out, staining the bed sheets under you.

He's still panting pretty heavily when he slides out of you, careful in case you're still too sensitive. When you squeak, he reaches up to cup your cheek. "You did so well, baby. I'm so proud of you." You nuzzle into his hand, placing a small kiss in the palm. "Th-thank you, daddy. I-I'm so tired." When your eyes start to flutter shut, he carefully stands from the bed, shamelessly admiring your disheveled state. "I'm sure you are. Let me get us cleaned up. Then I'll take you home, okay?"

Your small nod is plenty of an answer, so he rushes to the bathroom to search for a rag. He takes only a few seconds to wipe himself clean before rushing back to your side. You wince slightly at the feeling of the cloth wiping you down. "Shhhh, daddy's got you baby. I'll be done in just a second." He smiles to himself as you visibly relax into his touch, allowing him to finish.

"You know," he chuckles as he helps you pull your clothes back on, "your dad is going to try and kill me." "Your mom is going to call me every name in the book." He nods in agreement, finally starting to dress himself.

"So.. should we stay quiet? I imagine shit-for-brain isn't going to, but we can play that off as him being an idiot." You bite your lip, weighing the consequences of either decision.

There's no doubt in your mind, you want to be with Choso. It's clear he's willing to do whatever you want, but from the look in his eyes, the answer is obvious.

"I'm not hiding it." He blinks at you in shock. "B-baby.. your repu-" You stand up, despite your legs screaming in pain. He's quick to rush over and pull you into his chest. "I don't care.. I love you, and I don't want to hide it anymore." You squeak loudly when he picks you up bridal style, holding you easily with one arm.

The kiss he gives you is soft and loving, full of nothing but his affection for you. "I love you too, Y/N. I want nothing more than to tell the world that."

He carries you downstairs to grab your overnight bag, and then out to put you in his car. He really refuses to let you do anything, since he even leans inside to buckle you up. Your protests have him laughing. "When you're with me," he kisses your lips after getting into the driver's seat, "you're the spoiled princess. Got it?"

The drive to his house is quiet. He holds your hand the entire time, stroking along it with his thumb, occasionally bringing it to his mouth and kissing each knuckle.

"Oh.. oh shit." "What?" You open your eyes from almost falling asleep.

Your blood freezes when you see what he's looking at. Your dad's car is already parked in his driveway.

Tags: @katgalle, @savonline

#dark content #stepcest tw #choso #choso jjk #jjk choso #stepbrother choso #jjk #jujutsu kaisen choso #choso kamo #choso smut #choso x reader #choso x reader smut #choso x fem reader #choso x you #choso x y/n #choso brainrot #choso supremacy

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myafterlifeisbetterthenyours · 4 years ago

Text

OBSESSIVE STOLAS X Male Imp Pt.1

(This is a long fanfic and will consist of multiple parts.)

The day Stolas met you, the life which had been boring at worst and full of love and respect at best, was in complete shambles. Broken ever since the "Brunch incident".

He and his wife were barely on speaking terms, and when they did speak, it would almost exclusively devolved into a fight filled with harsh words and thrown objects.

His darling starfire hadn't spoken to him in over a week. Something he'd usually chock up to teenage angst, but she actively avoided him now.

Something she'd never do before.

And so with his homelife slowly tearing him apart, he naturally thought a visit to his favourite Imp in all hell would brighten his day.

And that's where you came in.

You'd worked at I.M.P for the last few months and were quickly becoming a valued member of the I.M.P family.

Youd just finished a job and were about to fill out the rather tedious paperwork the job entailed, When the towering Demon Prince entered the office.

You were too proud an Imp to admit it, but when you first saw Prince Stolas you were a little starstruck.

Said Prince, apon finding a new Imp at I.M.P's office immediately inquired as to who you were

Taken off guard by suddenly be talking to a Prince of hell, you spent a moment fumbling your words, before finally telling him your name.

Stolas finding the whole thing quiet adorable.

Stolas sparked up a conversation, asking how you ended up at I.M.P and your work with the company. Something you were more than happy to tell him about.

You told him how Blitzø had hired you after youd single handedly killed 3 men in a fight with only a can opener.

Then you told him about how working as an assassin was challenging but enjoyable work, all things considered.

You tell him how working for the chaotic force of nature that is Blitzø was great too, when he wasn't being a prick.

As charming as Stolas found your slightly flustered conversation. There was a purpose to his visit. And so asking you if Blitzø was in, to which you told him he was in his office.

Stolas suddenly became anxious, wondering aloud if his outfit was presentable or not.

This caused you to laugh, placing a hand over your mouth.

Stolas was immediately indignant, demanding to know what was so funny.

You killed the laugh with a cough, before telling him you laughed because simply put "You'd never seen a more ravishing demon in all your time in hell" And for him to be anxious was funny to you.

Stolas Blushed hard, a Warmth he didn't understand spreading through his chest. It had been so long since he'd received such praise from someone who wasnt utterly subservient to him.

Sputtering out an timid thank you, before immediately making his way Blitzø's office, Ignoring your cries to wait.

Being violently thrown out of Blitzø's office was not how he saw this unplanned little 'Rendezvous' going.

Blitzø stepped out stared down at him, a mixture of disgust and anger plain on his face.

'I'm so sick of this shit stolas' Blitzø grumble out, pinching the bridge between his eyes. 'We made a Fucking deal, I come over ONCE a MONTH and fuck your brains out. And you leave me alone unless you have a job for us.'

Stolas tried to reply, trying to explain why he was there. But before he could Blitzø interjected 'I can put up with all creepy perverted texts and shit, but I am not your God Damned SEXTOY Stolas! I don't want to see your ass don't here again!' He screamed, before slamming the door.

Stolas just sat there. Unwilling to move. He felt like he'd just been slapped.

His eyes stung. His throat burned. He clutched at the ground, and even as his world fell apart around him, he could only focus on one thing.

He felt so cold...

He had no one.

No one loved him.

He felt so cold...

It took everything he had not to breakdown, he couldn't, not here. It was unbecoming of a prince to been seen showing such weakness.

The sudden sensation of something on his shoulder. Daring to open his eyes, he was shocked to find You, standing over him. Hand on his shoulder and a sympathetic smile on your face.

You reached into your coat and removed a handkerchief.

Croutching down you wiped the growing dew around his eyes.

Putting away the hanky, you stood up and offered him a hand.

Helping him to his feet, you asked him if he was okay. Stolas immediately tried to put up his aristocratic facade and assure you he was fine.

Only for the words to die in his throat and for him to almost burst into tears again.

Leading him into the nearby office, you find yourself in the conference room. You sat him on said conference table.

Quickly zipping off, you returned a moment later with a little plastic cup of water.

Handing the little cup, he took it with a wordless thanks.

Stolas felt cold.

He felt like his whole world was falling apart. He had nothing.

His wife couldnt stand him.

His beloved Starfire wouldn't stay in the same room as him.

He had nothing and no one.

No one loved him.

Why should he even go on.

Even through there crimson glow, you could see just how close he was to breaking down.

So before his despair could consume him completely, you did the only thing you could think of.

You climbed atop the conference table and pulled the poor owl-boi into a hug.

It was a little awkward due to the height difference, but standing on the table brought you high enough to pull his head onto your chest.

Stolas was utterly shocked, not just by the action itself, But the fact you did this on your own acord.

He didn't have to barter or beg or make promises for your affection.

You just... gave it freely.

He couldnt help himself.

It had been so long since he'd last felt the loving touch of another soul.

And for you to give affection so openly, he felt he could let himself be vulnerable to you. He releases a long anguished cry, bursting into tears.

You just held him close, gently petting his head, whispering words of comfort, telling him everything would be okay.

He didn't know why but your words brought out

Stolas threw his arms around you, holding onto you as though you were the last anchor in his sea of despair.

The poor owl drenched the front of your shirt with his dejected tears.

Stolas didn't know how long he cried for, and you simply didn't care.

You could tell he needed this and were more then happy to give the demonic prince some much needed affection.

Eventually, Stolas shed all the tears he had, standing up he unintentionally pulled himself from your warm embrace.

Stolas instantly missed the warmth of your touch. The same all consuming coldness as before instantly returning.

Looking up at Stolas you draw your handkerchief and go to wipe his tear stained face.

But before you could, Stolas grabbed your hand, his other hand was placed on the back of your head, he pulls you into a kiss.

You weren't sure how to react, stolas certainly didn't give you any time to figure it out as he pulled you deeper into the kiss.

While you were initially shocked by the kiss, you honestly, didn't care to put up any kind of resistance.

While you would of preferred he asked for a kiss, you could tell the guy needed this. And all things considered, you were happy to oblige him.

So when his tongue slid across your teeth, asking for entrance, you wrapped your arms around his neck you let it in, giving stolas full access to your mouth.

You began leaning into the kiss, doing your best to return his passion.

Stolas, took your returning passion as further permission, he became more aggressive.

His tongue dominated your mouth, as his hands began roamed across your body.

Stolas was in bliss, each time you shivered or moaned, bringing him further pleasure.

Taking each sound as encouragement, he became more and more aggressive. Sure that each sound you made was an unconscious sign of love.

He became more desperate to hear your angelic voice as moaned or cried out. Desperate to hear someone say they loved him.

Gripping his head, you tried to de-escalate the situation before it got out of hand.

Of course that was easier said then done, as Stolas was much stronger then he looked. But after much effort, despite Stolas's silent insistence that you continue, you finally managed to break the kiss.

Stolas's forceful nature found you pushed back onto the table. Stolas towering over you, staring down at you with those awe inspiring crimson eyes.

'We cant be this doing this' You try to tell him 'Not here. What if someone walks in on us?' The question hung in the air. When it became obvious it wasn't deterring his growing need you asked 'What if Blitzø catches us?'

Stolas pulled back at that.

Looking to the side he rubbed his arm, Anxiety bubbling in his chest.

Stolas hadn't thought of that.

What if Blitzø did walk in?

Finding him with one of his employees.

In his office.

Would Blitzø be upset?

Would he yell at him, scream and throw a fit, insisting he had betrayed him...

Would Blitzø even care?

There was a part of him that said 'Of course he would. Blitzø, no matter how much he denied it, surely Blitzø cared for him on some level.'

Stolas could tell himself that all he wanted, but deep down, he knew the truth.

He placed his hand on your cheek, looking down at you. He tried to speak only for a new wave of emotions hit him, causing him on reflex to fall silent.

It was in that moment, as he stood over you, did he realis he didn't need to hide his vulnerability from you. You weren't judging him, he could be vulnerable to you and would judge him for it.

His heart swelled and despite having just met you, he found himself developing a deep yearning to be with you.

'I-I know this is sudden. And you have every right to say no. But please... No one has ever shown me such genuine affection like you have today.'

' I'm so used to people only interested in me for my status or resources.' Stolas held himself, looking dejectedly to the side. A new wave of sorrow enveloping him.

'Your the only one who's shown me the slightes care, past what I could do for them.' He didn't meet your gaze, he ran his hand down your chest, his voice becoming just above a whisper. 'I have nothing (Y/N), I have no one. Right now your the only thing I have.'

'I need to feel something (Y/n), I need to feel something before I fall apart, and I want feel it with you.' He was practically begging you by this point.

Things like pity and mercy were a death sentence in hell.

There was nothing stopping you from saying no. You cared little for royalty. You weren't some door mat that took every word from royalty as gospel.

But right now, this great Demonic Prince standing before you. He didn't want your obedience. He wasn't forcing you to do anything.

He just wanted some sort of affection. something you knew you could give him so easily.

How could you say no?

With a deep sigh, you resigned yourself to your fate. Leaning forward you place your hand under his chin and raised his head to meet your gaze. Stolas was shocked when pulled him close and planted a kiss on his his beak.

'Lock the door' you whispered.

#helluva boss #helluva stolas #x reader #headcanon #helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss x reader #stolas x reader #stolas

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separatist-apologist · 3 years ago

Note

Lucien and LoA being reunited after not being able to really see each other for years and years. Bonus if Elain sees and it melts her heart because she loves that Lucien is an unabashed mama’s boy.

Prompt 18 was chosen last night. Everyone say YAY that we get to make spell-cleavers happy. Although I read this prompt wrong so it's Helion x LOA reuniting but...Lucien does see his mom. And he is a big mama's boy.

This is SFW because there is another Helion x LOA ask that is distinctly smutty and I am imagining it as a part 2 to this.

Please accept this as an apology for my joke about the cursed threesome. I swear I won't write it.

Amera had no right to be here, no right to walk these streets again. She’d said no, had rejected him without Beron’s sword at her throat. She’d never been convinced of duress no matter how she’d quietly grieved in the aftermath. She’d sent the letter and Helion had never responded, had said nothing at all which felt worse. She’d always thought he’d fight a little, maybe beg…offer some workaround she could live with.

His silence was worse than any physical blow Beron had ever dealt, crushing her far worse than she could have imagined. Even centuries later the memory of how he never looked at her with softness after that letter, how she never heard a word spoken from his lips in kindness could still leave her breathless with hurt.

Beron’s death offered freedom and for the first year she’d remained with Eris in Autumn, hiding. She was a coward, walking those halls like they meant anything to her. She was happy to see Eris thriving, happy as High Lord and busy with reform but each new day made her long for the male she’d rejected long, long ago.

She’d almost worked up the courage to go see him when the bomb that was Lucien’s parentage erupted around her. Lucien was furious and though no one ever said a word, she was sure Helion was too. Lucien had stopped coming to visit for a time though Elain still did, angry and resentful of the choice she’d made so long ago.

Lucien had forgiven her in time but more cowardice prompted her to leave another three years between Beron’s death and finallyventuring from the Forest House and into Day. She hadn’t been since she was a teenager, a girl of eighteen on the cusp of being married. Every rendezvous that happened between her and Helion afterwards happened in other courts, including her own. It was that meeting in Autumn that caught her—some snitch told Beron about Helion’s presence and her late husband had put the pieces together.

Still, Amera’s hands shook from the bottom of the hill Rhodes was situated on, looking towards his gleaming, sprawling palace. He’d never wanted to be High Lord, she remembered that well enough. He seemed to have settled in just fine and if the people disliked him, she saw no signs of discontent in the citygoers as she walked.

Rhodes was just as beautiful as she remembered, the blinding light made golden, reflecting off thick white buildings with rounded blue rooftops. Brilliant color seemed to hang everywhere, mingled with snaking plants and the sound of laughter. It was a symphony to her, proof that life existed well beyond her small world in the Forest House in Autumn. She held no resentment to the people of Rhodes and the freedom they held. She only wished that could have been her.

It was Elain who had invited her and Elain who was waiting, dressed in flowing white, when Amera reached the steps of the palace. Elain rushed down, throwing her arms around Amera like the daughter Amera had always wanted.

“I’m so glad you came,” Elain murmured. “I’ve arranged everything so…” Elain cleared her throat. “So we can spend the maximum amount of time bonding.”

So you can avoid Helion.

“You’re so sweet,” Amera praised, following behind Lucien’s mate. The palace was unchanged from when she’d last seen it, still bathed in white marble with tall, open windows that filtered in the beautiful overhead light. Rhodes was a city built for sunlight that the palace was certainly no different.

Amera hesitated outside her door, recognizing it instantly. “You chose this?” She asked softly, reaching for a familiar, golden handle.

“I ah…had to ask the High Lord what he had available,” Elain admitted. “Do you not like it? You can stay with me if you want, I’m sure Lucien wouldn’t—” “This is wonderful,” she lied, pushing open the white door to reveal a drawing room attached to a bedroom. She’d stayed her once before during the solstice ball her family had allowed her to attend…had snuck out of this room to meet the High Lords son for a week straight, climbing from the low hanging balcony down into the courtyard where a young Helion had been waiting for her.

“Do you mind if I rest for a while?” She asked, suddenly overwhelmed by the memory. Elain nodded, tucking a piece of buttery brown hair behind her ear.

“If you need anything I’m just a floor up. Lucien, too.”

Amera nodded, grateful when Elain closed the door behind her. She exhaled loudly, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. She shouldn’t have come, should have known Helion would do something subtle to remind her that he remembered everything just as well as she did while keeping his distance. She could hardly stand it. She flung herself on the bed, draped in the same seafoam blanket she’d once slept in, and cried until exhaustion stole over her and she fell into a fitful sleep.

She woke to darkness, her resolve sharpening. She’d go back to Autumn and remain there. She’d been born to Autumn, after all. She didn’t belong here, wasn’t wanted in Rhodes. Wasn’t wanted by the only man she’d ever loved.

She’d go at first light, making her excuses to Elain and hopefully seeing Lucien at least once. She sighed in the dark, fingers tingling just before she let the fireplace. She laughed softly, still endlessly delighted she could use her magic again.

“You hear that, Beron?” She spoke to the cackling fireplace. “I could light this whole palace ablaze and you can’t stop me.”

She climbed out of bed, walking purposefully to the drawing room. “I’ll light this fireplace too!” She spoke to the darkness, as if Beron could hear her. It was a safe act of defiance—after all, he couldn’t hurt her from the grave. He couldn’t force her to leash her magic, couldn’t demand she take off her clothes, couldn’t wrap his hands around her throat or sink his teeth into her legs. “You’re dead,” she whispered, standing alone in that room. “I’m alive and you’re not. I survived you.”

She lit the fireplace when she was mere inches from it, crouching to look into the flame cacking merrily mere inches from her face. She raised her hand, igniting the flame that was her birthright, the power that had trapped her in that ill-fated marriage to being with.

“I’ll burn it all to the ground,” she murmured.

“I would prefer if you didn’t,” a deep, masculine voice murmured from behind her. Amera fell to the ground with a yelp, singing the bare skin of her leg when she forgot to extinguish the fire burning on her palm. Helion was sitting in a chair facing the fireplace, invisible to her in the darkness. He’d put a damper on his own magic, she realized, intentionally to keep her from noticing he was there. He was leaned forward, elbows on his bare knees, watching her with such interest it made her want to curl in on herself. “I could suggest an isolated cabin, however.”

“That’s…that’s not necessary,” she replied, carefully rising to her feet and smoothing out the plum-colored gown she wore. Helion was in a white chiton held up at the shoulders with sun shaped broaches, his sandals snaking up his shins. Onyx hair hung loosely around a truly beautiful face and when he exhaled, his magic returned in full force, making him more lovely with the sun-kissed glow that stole over his dark skin.

“Do you speak to him often?” Helion questioned, no hint of malice in his voice. How was he so calm, she wondered? Her hands shook at her sides.

“Sometimes,” she admitted.

“Because you miss him?” Helion asked just a tad too quickly.

“So he knows he didn’t win,” she replied sharply, hating that the first conversation she was having with Helion in over three hundred years was about Beron. Helion nodded.

“You’re here,” Helion said simply, his eyes never leaving her face. “To see Lucien, I assume?”

She couldn’t meet his gaze. She heard him sigh, rising to his feet after a moment.

“After three years I’d hoped you would come see me.”

She was going to cry, her whole-body trembling as he approached. She blinked rapidly, unable to stop the tear from streaking down her cheek or her gasp when he reached out and wiped it away. “I waited for you to come to me.”

“Why would you want that?” She asked, unable to keep her anguish out of her voice. “After everything I did…”

“What did you do, Amera?” He replied, cupping her face to force her to look up at him. “What did you do you thought I couldn’t forgive?” She couldn’t look away. “Lucien—”

“You kept him safe,” Helion interrupted, as though he’d though he’d practiced this conversation. “Look at how well you raised him.”

A sob escaped her lips at his words. Had anyone ever said such a thing about any of her boys? Helion didn’t let her go, his other hand coming to hold her steady. “I didn’t mean to make things worse for you,” he whispered. “I never thought you’d end up pregnant.”

“You didn’t make them worse,” she said, voice cracking. Tears dripped down his hands, unbidden as she confessed to him the things she’d always wanted to say. “You made them better. Lucien…he was oursand no one could take that from me.” “Why didn’t you come? When he died I just assumed…”

“I was scared,” she whispered. “You should hate me.”

Helion chuckled. “Should I? Do you not remember the promise I made to you in this very room?”

She sobbed again because Amera did remember. She remembered that last night together, remembered breaking the news that she’d be married to Beron within the month and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it. How she’d tried to do the right thing and break things off and Helion had sworn, in that moment, that he’d wait until he died if he had to.

“I never stopped loving you,” Helion whispered, his thumb wiping more tears. “Just like I said I would.” She took a shuddering breath.

“Tell me you didn’t either,” he pleaded. “I need to hear you say it.” She swallowed hard. “I never stopped loving you, either.”

Helion pulled her into his chest, hugging her so hard she couldn’t breathe. She clung to him, breathing in his crisp scent. He’d always smelled like the ocean on a hot summer day and she’d never once forgotten it.

“Will you stay?” Helion asked overhead, pressing a kiss to her scalp. She closed her eyes, reveling in the soft affection. When was the last time anyone had ever touched her like this? It had been him, she realized. He had been the last person to touch her affectionately.

“Do you want me to?” She murmured in response, burrowing her face into his chest.

She screamed softly, surprised when he lifted her into his arms without warning. “Yes,” he replied, walking her from her bedroom as though her weight was inconsequential to him, cradling against his body like she was infinitely precious. She was sure she looked a mess between the stress nap and the crying. The halls were quiet and even if someone had the inclination, there was no stopping Helion. He took her directly to his chamber, slamming the door shut with his foot. He didn’t let her go even when they found the bed, rolling with her, arms still wrapped around her body.

“I’m not going to float away,” she whispered, watching him attempt to kick off his shoes without letting her go.

“Every time I’ve let you go, you’ve vanished for years at a time,” he replied without an ounce of anger. “It’s safer for me to keep you just like this.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Someday you’ll tell me everything that happened,” Helion interrupted. “When you’re ready. But until then, you don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“But—”

“Nothing, Amera. I don’t care if you throw a vase at my head or burn down the palace or scream that you hate me. You. Do. Not. Apologize. To. Me. Ever.”

She blinked tears again, wishing she could explain how much that meant for her to hear. She’d spent centuries apologizing for every little thing, preemptively at times in an attempt to head of Beron when he got in one of his moods.

“Okay,” she agreed after a moment, tugging him closer. Helion rolled to his side, his face closer than she’d meant for. Their eyes met and she caught the blazing hunger staring back at her, blinked away after a moment. He wouldn’t touch her unless she asked, would do nothing more than hold her if that’s what she wanted.

He brushed pieces of hair from her face. “I’m afraid this is a dream,” he admitted, his voice scarcely more than a whisper. She touched his face, her fingertips gliding over the rough stubble of his jaw before pressing her lips to his.

Soft. It was the first thing she thought. Helion had always been soft, been gentle and sweet and all the things she’d wanted in a male. She’d used to compare him to the rough, painful touches of Beron but Beron was dead now. There would only ever be Helion for as long as she lived. For as long as he wanted her.

He was smiling when she pulled again, hand resting on the curve of her neck. “Was that supposed to prove you’re real?” He questioned.

“Did it work?” She replied, his smile infectious.

“If anything, I’m more convinced you’re merely a figment of my imagination.”

“Perhaps I should do it again,” she murmured. Helion sighed against her cheek, kissing her without demand, only ever touching her face. She was grateful that he seemed to understand what she needed, what she wanted. He’d always been that way, even when he was a young male with very little experience under his belt.

He stroked his thumb over his cheek. “I don’t know if I could stop myself.”

“I’ll stop you,” he promised, his breath warm on her cheek. He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Kiss me again. Please.” He didn’t need to beg. The sound of it made her heart crack. She meant to tell him that he could take whatever he wanted, no asking required but Helion’s lips were back over her own, his own desperation fully present. She caressed his face, moaning softly when his tongue darted, licking her lips. She opened for him, scooting slightly just in time for Helion to draw her firmly against his body, his own half covering her torso. She could feel the hard length of him gently pushed against the side of her hip and she marveled that all it took to arouse him was a few chaste kisses.

Her tongue slid against Helion’s, eliciting twin moans of pleasure at the feel. Too long, it had been too long since they’d been together like this. She’d all but forgotten the dark, masculine taste of him, had forgotten the softness of his hands, the sound of his moans mingled with their heavy breathing. Her hands were suddenly everywhere—in his silken hair, tugging at the roots, ghosting down his muscular biceps, and trailing down his chest.

True to his word, Helion caught her wrists with what sounded like a pained groan. “Not tonight. Not like this.”

“Why?” She demanded, wanting to lose herself in his body.

“Because I found you screaming at your ex-husband,” Helion ground out, his hips rolling so she felt every glorious inch of him. “And the only males name I want to hear you scream is my own.”

“I want you,” she admitted, pleased at how his eyes rolled back into his head at the words.

“You have no idea how badly I wanted to hear you say that. Tomorrow. Rest tonight, just rest.”

“Why tomorrow?”

Helion smiled. “That’s the extent of my control. I’m trying to be a good male…but I am only a male. I’ve been dreaming of you in my bed since the moment you left it.”

“I love you,” she murmured, resting her head on his chest. Helion kissed her forehead.

“I love you,” he agreed.

She didn’t remember falling asleep. It seemed she dozed only to wake to kiss him, over and over until her dreams had become reality and she wasn’t sure what exactly was real anymore. Was she kissing him in her dreams? Was his hand on her leg? She woke needy and aroused and judging by the darkness in Helion’s amber eyes, he could smell it. The sun peaked through the windows, betraying a new day and Helion’s promise she could have her if she slept.

“Amera,” he murmured when she straddled his lap.

“I won’t be denied,” she replied, her kisses frenzied. Helion’s hand immediately went for her ass, sliding up the dress she still wore, rumpled from travel and sleep. Sliding up the fabric, Amera sighed at the feel of his hand over her thighs, traveling towards her—

“Father,” came Lucien’s voice from the doorway. “Do you plan to miss yet another meeting?”

She immediately froze. “Father?” She whispered, her heart pounding for an altogether different reason.

“If you walk into this room, you’re not going to like what you see,” Helion warned his son lazily though Amera was already sliding off his body.

Lucien didn’t heed the warning, striding in as though he couldn’t be surprise. He froze in the doorway. “Mother?”

“Lucien!” Elains voice from the door interrupted the awkward scene. “Have you seen your mother? I think she left—”

“She’s…she’s right here,” Lucien replied, turning his back to his parents.

“Oh. Oh! That’s wonderful! Get out of there!”

Lucien scowled but Helion nodded. “Listen your mate…and make my excuses, son. I’m not coming to any meeting today…likely this week, if we’re being perfectly honest.”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” Lucien muttered. “Hello mother. Would you like to have lunch today?”

Amera glanced at Helion, who shook his head no.

“Tomorrow?” She replied. Lucien let out a long-suffering sigh.

“Fine.”

“Why are you so grumpy?” Elain’s voice carried as Lucien walked towards her. “Your parents are together—” Her giggling screech, followed by the slamming of Helion’s door, told Amera Lucien was hardly angry at all.

“Got him running your meetings?” She whispered, trying to pretend she found it all charming and not overwhelming.

“I wasn’t lying when I said you did a wonderful job raising him,” Helion replied, reclining back into the bed. “I make him do everythingI hate.”

Her chest constricted. “Does he like it?”

“He complains endlessly, the little shit. And he’s always got a comeback…but I couldn’t have asked for a better heir to this court…unless of course, you want to offer Lucien a little competition?”

She laughed, so happy she thought she might combust. Helion lifted the blankets over their heads, shielding them from the outside world and Amera could only smile.

Happy. She was happy.

#helion x loa #helion spell cleaver #the lady of the autumn court #LOA #hot sun dad #hot pumpkin mom #she made me sad #apologizing like she was #i imagine in a century she'll scarcely remember beron at all #but im glad its helion there to help pick up the pieces

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aetheternity · 3 years ago

Text

Being a big brother when you've never been a big brother (800 follower special)

Synopsis: In which Levi's been dating you for a year and a half and gets the news that Kuchel is pregnant.

Introduction: In this Kuchel is 43. She had Levi as a teenager (17). Female reader and Levi haven't talked a lot about having babies yet. You two live together but haven't discussed it fully but you have told Levi you'd be open to the idea of having children while he was slightly on the fence.

• To say Levi is shocked is a monumentous understatement.

• When he gets the news that his mother was pregnant with his step father's baby he gets quiet.

• Doesn't say much.

• Well what would he say honestly?

• You on the other hand are spewing out baby names and bouncing in your seat while asking his mother about her plans for colors in the nursery.

• It's not surprising that he's distant. He's 26 and he just found out he's gonna be a big brother. He knows next to nothing about children as it is.

• Though eventually he warms to the idea and by warms I mean he becomes as helpful as possible in aiding his pregnant mother around. Buys her anything she wants/needs and goes on all the trips to buy clothes, toys etc for the baby's arrival.

• Even though he's still pretty quiet on his feelings about the whole situation.

"Babe?" You call to him one night as you're both getting ready for bed. He turns his head slightly to look at you. "Are you ok? I know this might take a lot more getting used to."

He sighs placing his tie on the dresser. "How would you feel?"

It's not said maliciously just curiously. Grey eyes fully scoping the lines of your face. "How would I-" You start and then stop, eyebrows raised and cheeks puffed. "Well.. I know you probably don't need to hear awkward."

He blinks turning his attention back to the mirror. "No! I'm sorry, Levi!" You gestured out to him with both hands and he sighs, walking over to you with light thumps on the carpet.

You laid back in bed and he slowly pulled himself over you. His hands on either sides of your shoulders, legs spread on either side of yours and head resting delicately on your chest. "It's gonna be ok. Look the first year of that kid's life is just them needing love and a bottle to suckle. Worry about the first year once they're born and everything else will fall perfectly into place."

Levi snorted against your skin, fingers lightly stroking the arms of your tee shirt. "Perfectly.."

"You know what I mean." You reply, pressing the smallest kiss against the top of his head. "I'll be by your side the entire time."

The only reply you get is a soft exhale. Levi's heart beat softly evens out and with your fingers curling through his gorgeous black hair he slowly falls asleep.

Finding out the baby's gender:

• When Levi finds out he's having a little brother he feels.. pretty much the same though apart of him is kinda sighing in relief at knowing he won't have to protect a little girl from nasty boys.

• You on the other hand are beaming, "Levi, you're gonna have a little brother! Isn't that great. Kuchel were you hoping for another little boy?"

• Kuchel smiles, "I wasn't too concerned with the gender just as long as they were healthy." She admitted "But I wouldn't have minded a girl, just to see what parenting the opposite gender would be like."

• Somehow the conversation of Levi's future baby brother turned into a conversation about you and Levi's possible future child and what you'd want your first kid to be.

• Levi didn't stay long when that started, promptly excusing himself and you found out almost three hours later that he'd taken a walk and ended up at home.

"Levi?" When you walked into your shared house he was laying on the couch with an arm over his face.

He slowly laid his arm out flat next to his body and you walked over to him cupping the hand closest to you.

"I was going to come back but.."

"You didn't?" You gave him a small smile running a finger over his cheek. He went quiet, eyes falling shut.

"Don't.." He sighs, eyebrows twitching on his forehead. "Don't start that thing you do.. you know when you worry about people.."

You scoff, "Well I am worried about you, I've never seen you look like this before."

His eyelids flutter open slightly, grey eyes flashing over to you through the slits. "You've thought about our future kid a lot?"

You blink, mouth hanging open, "I- well I.. wasn't ok I was it was just for Kuchel." You tried to laugh.

Levi's eyebrow raised, "No, you didn't tell me how much you really thought about it beyond our past conversations. You've thought about it more than you admitted so you might as well stop pretending."

He sits up on the couch, hands dangling between his spread legs. "Ok fine you win." You admit with a huff. "But with Kuchel and the baby and the baby shower and all it definitely wasn't the right time to revisit this conversation. I just couldn't help it."

His fingers come up to rest in your hair carding away any loose strands where they are on your face. "Looks like we have to discuss it again." He says

A couple weeks after the baby's actual birth:

• You and Levi had come over only a couple days after the birth of the youngest Ackerman.

• "I named him Chance." Kuchel had remarked, her eyes filled with light as she held one of the smallest things Levi had ever laid eyes on.

• "Chance?" You replied, slowly transferring the baby from her arms to yours.

• "Because he was a Chance baby. It was honestly a little worrisome having him since I'm getting up there you know. More of a risk." She laughed it off.

• You looked to her with a small smile. "He's gorgeous." Your smile only getting brighter as you held the small person in your arms. Watching as he softly sucked his pacifier.

• "Just like his big brother." You added, smirking in Levi's direction.

• "Tch." Was the only thing he could muster as he stared in any direction other than the one where his girlfriend was now holding his newborn brother.

• "Levi, don't you wanna hold him?" Kuchel asked her smile never fading.

• Now he felt himself look up. He looked first at Chance and then to you holding him so tight.

• "Come here." You whispered and like a startled deer Levi slowly surveyed the situation a little more before he was coming closer.

• He inched his way down right in front of you and Kuchel, plopping down on the coffee table. Eyes locked on Chance's currently closed eyelids.

• "Not yet right?" You said to him

• He looked up at you then back to baby Chance.

• "Yeah.. not yet." You confirmed

☆☆☆☆

• You'd been right about one thing all Chance needed was love and a bottle to suckle..

• It just for whatever reason wasn't allowed to come from Levi.

• He'd hold Chance, he'd cry.

• Kuchel would hand him his sleeping brother while she got his dinner ready. He'd wake up and scream bloody murder.

• And at this point Chance had successfully: Peed on, spit on and thrown up on Levi.

• And all with the same blissfully smug expression.

"Don't get discouraged, Levi." Kuchel said soothingly "He's just not comfortable with you yet." She explained as she rocked Chance in her arms.

"You did talk to him the least while Kuchel was pregnant. Maybe it has something to do with that?" You tried with a shrug.

"All I know is I'm sick of being covered in his different bodily fluids." Levi huffed

"Awwww. Barely a year old and the brothers are fighting already." You giggled, Kuchel quickly joining in on your laughter.

Levi just rolled his eyes. He felt a little pang in his chest as he looked at his sleeping brother. No one else got nearly as much shit from this kid as he did. But it couldn't possibly be a personal attack the kid was less than one year old what could he possibly know about fights with his brother?

You and Levi take one year old Chance to the park:

• It was comfort weather.

• The perfect kind of weather to take Chance to the park on a crisp Saturday when you both were off from work.

• And a part of Levi was sort of glad for this opportunity.

• Kuchel and his step dad had gone out for pizza and here he was with you and his brother.

• It was surprising to Levi how lively Chance was: trying to push the hood of his stroller up and messing with the buckle strapping him in.

• Felt like just yesterday he couldn't hold his own head up.

• "Alright Chance. Come here." You giggled, gently pulling him out of the stroller with Levi's help.

• You guys had a little set up going in the shade under a tree. Blanket, Chance's toys and his sippy cup all sprawled over the space.

• You handed Levi a red donut shaped toy and told him, "Hold it out for Chance, he loves this game."

• "Chance look." You said as Levi held the toy up to a distracted Chance.

• Unsurprisingly the first thing he did was cry.

• "Here let me try." You offered, pulling the toy from Levi's grasp.

• The second you took the toy and held it in front of Chance his smile practically touched his ears and he leaned forward trying to grab it with his hands and then his mouth.

"You're doing great." You praised, pulling Chance onto his legs.

Levi just sighed, "Anything else?"

You pointed to the ball with one finger, still bouncing Chance. "He loves that squeaky thing."

Levi looked in the direction of the small toy, yanking it up off the blanket. He held it up giving it a little squeeze in front of Chance. It drew his attention surprisingly fast and he watched Levi's hand as he squeezed it again.

He was so weirdly enamored by such a normal item it was honestly really cute. A warmth spread through Levi's chest as you smiled at him in his peripherals.

"You want this?" Levi asked, holding it out for Chance.

Your smile stretched over your face as Chance reached for it. Little legs working to get him closer to the ball in Levi's grasp.

"That's it." You cheered softly. "Good job."

It wasn't clear who the compliment was directed towards but Levi was too distracted by Chance's little hands trying desperately to pull the object from his grasp. You still had your hands around Chance to support him as he finally grabbed the ball at a weird angle. The object immediately meeting his mouth.

"Yay, you got it." You said, bouncing Chance lightly. "See now you guys are-"

Chance turned in your grasp, the ball plopping onto the grass with an almost inaudible thud. Unfortunately Levi didn't account for Chance to bend over at the same time as him trying to pick up the ball and his nail came down on Chance's forehead. Not hard enough to leave a mark but hard enough for Chance to scream at the top of his lungs as if he'd been stabbed instead.

"Wait no!" You gasped, picking up the ball.

"Shit." Levi sucked his teeth.

"Levi!"

Luckily Chance probably didn't hear either of that thanks to his loud screaming. You tried to give him back the ball only to have it smacked from your grasp. The tiny object tumbling down the hill as you tried and failed to coax Chance down.

Thankfully Levi reacted fast grabbing it before it could roll too far away.

"Is he alright?" Levi tried as you rocked him back and forth.

You giggled, "Yeah, he's a drama queen you know that." It didn't seem to really help though. Levi's features scrunched and his shoulders unnaturally hunched. "Let's take him for a little walk, maybe then he'll calm down."

☆☆☆☆

It took around thirty minutes of walking and rolling Chance's stroller through the once quiet park for him to finally tucker himself out.

Levi huffed as you and him plopped down on the nearest park bench. You rifled through the bag pushing the hood of Chance's stroller up before placing his blue bucket hat on his head. Which perfectly matched his blue overalls and blue socks.

"Sorry." You finally heard him mutter as you pushed pretty brown locks out of Chance's eyes.

"It's not your fault." You replied "I promise Chance is just being himself he probably would've cried that hard if I or anyone else had scratched him too."

Levi said nothing. Just watched as you pushed the brim of the hat up. With a little click you fastened it to the front of his hat. Chance's soft features in full view. The little froggy on his green shirt moving with every breath he took. But Levi could only watch.

"Hey, look here." Your cheeks were puffed out as you yanked Levi's face toward yours. "He's gonna warm to you." You said with softened features. "You're doing such a good job." You praise.

The edges of Levi's eyebrows slowly relax and he lets his chest flow with air like he hadn't done since he made Chance scream earlier. The corners of his lips lift a little and he sits back as you push the stroller back and forth with one arm.

Before he can even think about it he spills the awe flowing in his eyes, "You'd make a great mom."

When you smile at him it makes his heart sink. You slowly turn your attention back to a sleeping Chance and he moves in a little closer.

"If there's.. some future where I actually have a child. I want you to carry my babies."

Your eyes are blown a bit, mouth agape as you look back at him. "Levi.." You start but are immediately cut off by a soft aww from two passing women.

"He's adorable." One says, staring into the open stroller.

"You guys are the cutest parents." Says the other.

"O-oh.. I.. we're actually just babysitting him." You struggle

"Still he's cute." Says women number two bending down to have the same view as her friend.

"Thank you." You practically choke. Eventually they leave and you run a shaky hand through your surprisingly sweaty hair.

"Levi." You start before he can get the chance. "I want you to be sure. Ok, I mean we went from Chance being a drama queen to you saying you want me to have your kids?"

"I didn't mean to say it here." Levi admitted "I did mean it though. You weren't the only one thinking while Kuchel was pregnant."

You give him a little kiss on the nose, brushing your finger over the tip of his ear. "It would be a huge step. We're not even married."

Levi nods, "Someday.."

"Someday."

Family beach day? Family beach day:

• Mikasa had come cause this was her first time getting to meet Chance.

• There were lots of firsts actually. It was also Chance's first time on the beach.

• Chance instantly loved Mikasa the second she held him.

• Soft laughter and a bright smile flooding his face.

• Kuchel and Levi both spent as much time as possible under the beach umbrella.

• You spread sunscreen on Chance's body while Mikasa distracted him by showing him how to make a sandcastle.

• Cue you also trying to get some pictures for Kuchel to hang on the family wall she had back home only for Chance to turn away every time.

• Which he genuinely thought was the most hilarious thing ever.

• And in all the time you'd known Mikasa you'd never seen her smile so much.

• "Is it.. possible it's Chance?" You asked while Chance threw any and all the sand that could fit in his tiny fists.

• She just playfully rolled her eyes, handing Chance the shovel. Which he didn't know what to do with so he just resorted to shaking it around till it flew from his grasp.

• "That's such an Ackerman response." You chirped reaching for the discarded shovel.

• You were more than a little surprised when Levi's uncle Kenny showed up. Slamming the door of his kidnapper van closed.

• "Woah Kenny came?" You asked Levi as you sat on the edge of his beach chair.

• You, Mikasa and Chance had all decided to take a break from shell collecting to come up and eat lunch.

• Kuchel laughed at your surprise. "He hasn't met Chance yet." She explained

• "Ahh." You replied

• Chance seemed.. confused by Kenny.

• His only response to Kenny holding him being a blank stare.

• Kenny didn't seem to notice though as he yapped on about the time he accidentally put Levi in the washing machine.

• "You what?" Kuchel gasped

• "It wasn't on!" Kenny explained

• "If me and Levi aren't free to babysit please try Mikasa." You whispered to her.

• Chance spent most of his time after that resting in Mikasa's lap while she rubbed his back and hair.

• Cue Kuchel trying to get Levi to help her put a fussy Chance down for a small nap a couple hours later.

• Which unsurprisingly made Chance more fussy.

• Though the second Levi left, Chance drifted off on the towel in their tent.

• Mikasa made Chance a seashell crown 🥺

• It was a little big so it slipped off his head when he turned a certain way but he laughed whenever she'd place it back on his head.

• Mikasa had been a little on the fence about it but you had basically insisted on getting Levi to take Chance to the water.

• Unsurprisingly Mikasa wasn't the only one on the fence.

"He's having fun with you and Mikasa so you should be the ones that take him down there." Levi argued

"Oh come on Levi! It'll be fun."

Mikasa bounced a calm Chance in her arms as he played with the seashell crown she'd made for him. "He hasn't been with his big brother all day because you've been sitting here reading a book." Mikasa tried but it was only successful in getting Levi to suck his teeth.

"You know I don't wanna go anywhere near the water Y/N." He replied

Finally you got bored and peeled the book from Levi's grasp a cold stare greeting you when he looked up. "You can just go into the water for five minutes with Chance, please! Just so I can take a few pictures and he can get a feel of the water and then you can give him back to me and Mikasa and return to your book."

You could see the gears working in Levi's head as he looked over at a happy looking Chance. His red striped shirt covered in sand which Mikasa was happily dusting off. You already knew exactly what he was thinking but you didn't actually have to say anything because he was slowly rising from his chair:

"Mikasa give Chance to Levi." You said, holding your camera out as Levi reached for a distracted Chance.

Mikasa's arm came up to Chance's back, "Shouldn't I carry him to the water?" She tried

You tilted your head, "Mikasa.."

She finally relinquished Chance, handing him over as if she were fearful Levi would drop him. Levi looked down at the small boy in his arms mildly comforted in the fact that he didn't immediately cry, scream or pee on him.

"Come on guys let's get to the water." You called beckoning to them.

"I'm fine to carry him, I've done it before." Levi assured her as Chance looked behind him towards where they were headed.

"I'm not really worried about you." Mikasa replied, looking down at Chance who was now kicking his legs against Levi's sides.

When you'd all arrived near the water Chance was in awe. His bright grey eyes practically blown and his mouth hung open. He nearly dropped the seashell crown in his arms. Luckily Mikasa scooped it up before it fell.

"Look at this Chance." You cooed gesturing to the water. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Chance responded with glee reaching his arms out toward the huge body of water. He bounced up and down, hands out as he grasped onto nothing.

"He loves it!" You chuckled, carding your fingers through his gorgeous brown hair.

"Armin's gonna love him." Mikasa said, rubbing Chance's belly.

"Ok, quick get him over here while the water is calm." You gestured to the flowing sea and Levi placed him down, holding his waist awkwardly.

You lowered the camera in your grasp, "Come on big brother sit with him, make it look like you're really having fun at the beach with him." You gestured and Levi begrudgingly sat.

He looked back over to you and you gestured again to the water coaxing Levi into splashing water on Chance who was currently staring out over the huge body of water in delight.

Unlike Chance who was actually wearing water shorts Levi was not. He'd come to the beach in cargo shorts because he hadn't planned on sitting on anything but a beach chair or a towel. So now that he was wading uncomfortably in barely ankle deep water his shorts probably looked like he'd pissed or shit himself.

Though he still followed your advice, flicking a tiny bit of water in Chance's direction. It worked surprisingly well because Chance's attention immediately caught on to Levi sitting in front of him.

"Good job baby." You cooed as you snapped picture after picture. Meanwhile Mikasa crossed her arms as if she were waiting for Levi to mess up so she could jump in.

Chance's lips curved up slow and before Levi or anyone could react he lifted his legs slamming them down hard. Water flying all over Levi in the process. It made Chance guffaw and he did it again this time with his hands forcing Levi to shield his eyes from the assault.

"Chance stop it that's not nice." You called but Chance continued smacking and splashing every bit of sea water that flowed between his legs onto Levi.

And for someone who'd never played with water he was way too good at understanding how to get the most water with each scoop. Drenching Levi until Mikasa stepped in to stop it.

"Chance, that's not funny." She said, her features cold. "If you can't play nice in the water, you can't play in the water.

That seemed to strike a cord in him. His breath hitching as tears flowed down his little cheeks. He clung to Mikasa and sobbed until she reached up to rub his back.

"Are you ok?" You asked Levi as he spit ocean water. His hair clinging to his face.

"I just wanna take a shower." He admitted, though his jaw was locked as he spoke.

His hoodie was drenched and his shorts had turned dark brown all over. He walked a little bit faster than you and Mikasa as you both made it back to Kuchel and Kenny.

"Oh God what happened?" Kuchel asked immediately grabbing a towel while Kenny laughed.

"Chance happened." You answered for Levi as he dried his head first stripping his wet hoodie off to reveal his bare chest.

Kuchel looked to Chance who was now innocently sucking his thumb, his head laid on Mikasa's chest.

"I guess his first time in the water was interesting." She sighed

"I got some good pictures before things hit the fan. I'll send them to you." You said, showing her the first couple pictures you had pulled up of Levi and Chance sitting in the ocean together.

"Thank you so much Y/N."

Chance's first words:

• Chance had said his first words when he was 6 almost 7 months old.

• And barely anything else since.

• He really was an Ackerman.

• Every now and then he'd say little things: Ball, Mashed Potatoes (cause they're his favorite food) And TV.

• And of course names which he was pretty good at.

• But the only name he refused to say was Levi.

"Alright Chance you remember your big brother's name right?" Kuchel asked, Chance looked up from his block fort. Kuchel pointed to Levi who was calmly drinking tea and surveying the scene. "Levi." She said

Chance blinked then went back to his block fort. "He has to say it eventually right?" You asked Kuchel as you handed Chance another block.

"He's being stubborn and yes he has to." She replied squeezing Chance's waist.

Chance's eyes rolled to the sky as he placed the block you'd given him next to the tower of blocks that he'd already built.

"When did he learn that?" You huffed in surprise.

"Same time he learned the s-word probably." Kuchel sighed when you gasped she laughed a little. "Stupid." She explained still laughing.

"Oh! Oh."

The two of you continued to laugh as Chance rearranged the tower he'd built knocking it over in the process.

"Chance I believe a smart two year old like you can say a name like Levi I mean you got Mikasa down." You say

"He calls her Mika actually." Kuchel replied

You hum and Chance puffs, "Don't wanna."

He finally gets the block tower to look at least slightly how he wanted it seemingly. He slowly leans back like he's trying to get a better view.

"That's amazing Chance." Kuchel applauds with a soft gasp.

"Good job sweetie." You chime in

"It's not bad." Levi says to which Chance is rolling his eyes again.

"What are you gonna call it?" You ask hoping it'll cut the tension you can feel growing.

Chance peers at it then opens his mouth but before he can say anything he looks at Levi who's staring back. And slowly but surely that slow moving grin works its way onto his features.

"Stupid Levi!" He exclaims with a laugh before taking a block and smashing the whole thing in.

"Chance!" Kuchel huffs

"That's one stubborn kid.." You say with a sigh as Kuchel takes Chance to the punishment chair.

Emergency in babysitting (in which Levi gets high but Kuchel needs to drop off Chance because she has an emergency to take care of.):

{This is based off some headcanons I read for Levi when he's high. If I ever manage to find the post again I'll link it here.}

• You'd forgotten how clingy Levi got when he was high.

• He hummed into the fat of your waist as you sat still trying to watch TV on low volume.

• His leg shaking a little every couple minutes.

• Your fingers slowly carding through his head as his eyes stayed shut tight.

• At some point the doorbell rang and you tried to pull yourself out of Levi's grasp thinking he was sleeping.

• "Where are you going?" He almost whined, pulling himself up on his knees and crawling to you.

• "The doorbell baby. I promise I'm coming back." You said giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

• "W- OK.. I'll wait here." He sat on the edge of the bed, kicking his legs a little.

• You can't help how hard you smile, "I'll be back, I promise."

• The second you open the door you're bombarded with words and Levi's step-dad holding his nose.

• "Oh God what happened?" You asked

• "I need someone to watch Chance for a couple hours while we go to the hospital. He fell on one of Chance's toys while he was carrying some boxes and.." She gestured absently, handing Chance over

• "Sure, no problem." You replied "Hope you feel better." You said to Levi's step-dad.

• Kuchel quickly handed you a bag of Chance's stuff before hurrying off with Levi's step-dad.

• You shut the door with a sigh just as Levi came down the stairs, "You said you'd be back." He huffed

• "I'm sorry, listen your step-dad is going to the hospital so we have Chance for the night." You explained

• You honestly couldn't tell what Levi or Chance's faces meant but both boys seemed to be in silent agreement.

• "Are you hungry Chance?" You asked as he sucked his thumb laying his head on your chest.

• "Mashed Potatoes." He nodded

• "Yeah? OK let me get you some."

Levi followed you into the kitchen and watched you as you placed Chance in the high chair you guys had for when he visited.

"I know, you want to sleep off your high baby just give me a few minutes to get Chance fed and asleep." You offered

Levi nodded but he stayed by your side as you grabbed the box with mashed potato mix in it and got to work putting it in a pot with some water and butter.

"You don't want anything else babes? Just mashed potatoes?" You called to the small boy kicking his legs behind you.

He nodded, "mashed potatoes." He repeated with a kick of his legs.

You managed somehow to get the food cooking while Levi clung to you like a puppy. His gaze soft whenever you met his eyes. His hands in your shorts pockets and arms coming up to meet your waist.

"You know Chance, mashed potatoes are more of a side." You explained

Chance shook his head, he glanced over at Levi who was still holding onto you like he was worried you'd fly away or something. Which immediately sparked tears, he shoved at the tray in front of him screaming your name and reaching out for you.

"Ok, ok please don't cry Chance!" You shouted over his crying when you picked him up, he instantly stopped, yanking you closer to press a kiss to the side of your face before snuggling into your shoulder.

"Aww Chance." You patted his back giving him a kiss back on his forehead.

"I want kisses, please." Levi said bouncing on his tippy toes.

You quickly gave him a forehead kiss as well and he calmed down enough to rock against you, "I hope you're still this cute when you're holding my children." He sighs.

(Ok so I reached the post number limit. Might make a P2 of this let's see how this one does first.)

#aot x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #levi ackerman x reader #snk x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi x y/n #aot imagines #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman fluff #snk levi #aot headcanons #aot au #kuchel ackerman #kenny ackerman #cal writes

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levixreader · 4 years ago

Text

Dad!Levi x Mum!Reader- Daughter of Mine

Warnings: Just fluff

Charlotte: French name meaning freedom Summary: Charlotte was exactly like her father, stubborn to the core. Even though Levi would never allow her to join the military, she gives him a run for his money. Read as your teenage daughter turns your husbands day completely upside down when he agrees to have her join him for work for a week. Who knew someone other than you could break the Corporals composure so easily.

Requested by Anonymous

Master List | Requests | Next Chapter

“No”, Levi said firmly, taking another sip from his tea. “But DaAaAad!”, Charlotte whined. Levi ignored her closing his eyes while taking another sip from his cup. “Levi, you could at least take a minute to think about it”, you chimed in from the kitchen. He opened his eyes, glaring at you from the breakfast table. “No”, he repeated, his tone more severe. “I am an adult now!”, Charlotte argued sitting next to him. He turned his glare to your sixteen-year-old daughter. “Dad please!”, she pleaded her voice becoming more desperate. Levi remained in a frown.

Levi had promised Charlotte that he would give her whatever she wanted for her birthday. Of course, the only thing she wanted was for him to let her join the army. And sure enough, he had denied and blocked her every step of the way. She had tried to sneakily signup, several times might you add. Tried to even go to Erwin, Levi’s superior. And gone as far as convinced even you. But to no avail. He would never allow her to join.

“You’re not joining”, he said pissed off, “That’s final”, his impassive expression returning. Silence. Charlotte’s eyes welled up. You sighed, stopping loitering in the kitchen knowing perfectly well that you would need to intercede between them yet again. They had been having this fight for a month and half since her birthday to be exact. It always ended the same way, him denying her and her crying.

They normally had a great relationship, an unspeakable bond of trust of father and daughter. They understood each other in a way that you, even as her mother, could never completely comprehend. Which is why watching them have a go almost every other day was really painful to watch.

“Why?”, she asked, tears ready to fall. This was the first time she asked him for his reasoning. He turned to look at her icy grey eyes, the pain in her eyes palpable enough to soften his expression. He sighed loudly, giving in to her request. “I would never want to feel responsible if something were to happen to you”, he said sincerely. Hearing him broke your heart.

Levi could be many things, but even through his thick layered skin, he was ultimately human. Still only a man; flesh and blood. Still felt grief from every single one of his comrade’s deaths. And even if he rarely showed it, he had an almost unmovable sense of morality. Not even humanity’s greatest soldier could take in his shoulder the death of his only child. Even as a child if she had been out of his sight for what he thought of as too long, he would feel panicked. Not even when you were in the Corps had he felt this unnerved. You might be his soul but Charlotte was his heart and joy.

“But dad, even mum used to be on the force!”, she tried again, her voice shakier than last time. “She isn’t any more”, he pointed out. Both of them turn to look at you for some kind of support. You sighed again approaching them from across your standing position opposite them. “How about this”, you began sitting diagonally from both your husband and daughter, they both leaned in eager to hear your opinion, “take Charlotte for a week in the HQ”, you suggested. Charlotte’s eyes sparkled obviously appreciating your suggestion. Levi, on the other hand, had his eyes narrowed poignantly glaring at you. Oh boy, you knew that look. It was the look he used when he would make you pay for whatever you had done.

“Common dad”, Charlotte pleaded calling back his attention. He stared down at her, “No”, he answered. “But you said you would give me anything I wanted”, she insisted placing her hands on his knees. He stood his silent ground. “What if I don’t leave you side?”, she offered. He still didn’t say anything. “I’ll even clean your office”, she added, her eyes fuller than ever. He closed his eyes, sighing in defeat. “One week”, he finally replied. She immediately stood up screaming “YAY”, and then proceeded to twirl around the room. “I’m not done yet brat”, he said his eyes narrowing at her celebration in disapproval. “You’ll wake up every day at 5:00”, he began listing his conditions, “You do exactly as I say”, he continued, “And most importantly”, he emphasised, “You cannot leave my sight”. Charlotte who had been listening intently to his every word nodded furiously, “I promise!”, she said happily and proceeded to run up the stairs presumably to pick exactly what she was going to wear.

“Tch”, Levi said watching her disappear up the stairs. “You’re not off the hook either”, he said with half-lidded eyes. You rolled your eyes. “You’re just as bad as that brat”, he said meeting your gaze. “No, for that you have the full credit”, you commented smiling softly. His eyes narrowed, “After tonight, we might even have another one”, he casually said. “What?”, you replied blushing. “You heard me”, he said reaching to grab your face with his hand. “If I have to take the brat to work, you’re also suffering the consequences”, he said almost growling. “Yes, Sir”, you said seductively making him smirk, “It’s Corporal to you, brat”.

* * *

It hadn’t even been half a day and Levi was already regretting agreeing to bring Charlotte with him. His eyes narrowed watching his daughter in the courtyard with the 104th cadets. He didn’t have a problem with his daughter meeting the cadets but, what he did have a problem with was the newbie 104th cadets flirting with her. “Stupid shitty glasses”, he thought narrowing his eyes further as Jean, a horse-faced teenager, made Charlotte giggle. Hanji had, as per usual, bust into his office with news of some sort of experiment or another. But had promptly stopped when she laid eyes on Charlotte. “Is this little Charlotte I see!”, she had screamed in delight. Hanji was a regular at his house and knew Charlotte quite well. She had begged Levi to let her give Charlotte a tour of the facilities. At the time, he had been half thankful, since he still had half a mountain of paperwork to get through and Charlotte wasn’t making it any easier with her whining and asking when he would be done so that the both of them could go exploring. He trusted Hanji, but looking at things now, that had been a big mistake.

His eyes opened like plates. “Fuck. No.”, he thought having enough of the little show outside. He got up immediately from his desk chair. Eren had touched her. Moronic, hot-headed, titan-shifting Eren, had dared touch her.

Levi wasn’t an unreasonable man. He was praised for keeping his impulses in control. In fact, if anything, he was more the type to step back and assess before acting. But, all of that was thrown out the window when it came to his daughter. No one touched his daughter. Especially with dirty, filthy crummy hands like Eren’s. He stopped his way to the entrance of the courtyard. “Cadets!”, he screamed pissed off. The little group at the centre immediately turned to look at their superior. Levi’s eyes met Charlotte’s, she wasn’t happy and shot him half a glare. When the rest of the group realise it was the Corporal calling them, they all ran to stand in attention. “Heichou”, they said more or less in unison standing straight. Charlotte, on the other hand, leisurely made her way towards the line of cadets and Levi. Levi’s eyes fixated on her, narrowing in anger at her insubordination.

Of course, this did not escape the boys that had been flirting with her attention. Eren looked conflicted between Charlotte and Levi. Jean was biting his lip trying to think of what to say. Reiner’s brow was sweating unsure of what to do and so on and so forth.

“Captain!”, it was Eren who spoke first. Levi tore his eyes off Charlotte to look at him, his steel eyes warning him off wanting to cut his head off. “Charlotte is new”, he said less confidently mirroring Reiner’s sweating. Levi’s right eyebrow cocked up. “We’ll make sure she knows how to greet her superiors properly”, he said closing his eyes and lowering his head as a form of apology. “He”, Levi said in dark amusement. At least one of them had the balls to try to shield that stupid brat of his. Eren opened one eye and sneaked a peek at the Corporal. Levi looked even more annoyed. “Yes Corporal!”, this time it was Jean three persons down. It was his turn to be glared at. “Please forgive her!”, he pleaded also lowering his head. Levi felt red hot anger curing through his veins.

“So, you lot think you know how to handle my daughter better than me?”, Levi said with molten furry. Eren and Jean instantly raised their head in shock. All of the six in the group were shocked. Daughter. Charlotte was the Corporal's daughter.

“Dad!”, came a whine from Charlotte. Levi’s lips became a straight line, “My office”, he managed to say with a still controlled tone. “But-”, she tried, “Now!”, he emphasised louder. She pouted crossing her arms in front of her chest, “Dad stop”, she tried once again. His glare intensified, his eyes turning to look at the still processing cadets in front of him. “Since you all seem so eager to speak on her behalf”, Levi said calling back the attention of the boys, “you can all take her punishment too”, he glared at the line, “100 laps and stable duty for 2 weeks”, he called out waving a hand to dismiss them. Groaning they all made their way back to the courtyard to start laps.

“Charlotte”, he said turning to see his daughter once again. Oh, she was in for it. He never called her that. “We’re leaving”, he called grabbing her forearm and dragging her out of the buildings.

* * *

“Hey!”, you called out hearing your husband and daughter come in through the front door. “How was today?”, you asked moving to the living room to greet them. They both looked angry. “Oh God”, you thought approaching them. “Fine”, Levi said walking past you to reach sit on the couch. “Right”, you thought turning to look at him. “Why the long face?”, you questioned earning you a glare. “Ask her”, he responded pointing at Charlotte, who was still pouting. “Me?!”, she dramatically argued. His eyes narrowed. “What is going on?”, you asked a little lost. “I’ll tell you!”, Charlotte volunteered, “Dad went crazy”, she informed making you frown. Crazy?

“The military is not a flirting patch”, he answered rudely making Charlotte’s cheek colour. Your eyebrow shot up at her reaction. “I wasn’t flirting!”, she defended whilst flustered. You turned to look at your husband who was by then already staring at you with a “see” face. “Levi”, you said walking so that you stood in front of his knees. “What did you do?”, you asked crouching so that you could meet his gaze. “Nothing”, he said turning away. “L-evi”, you said softly. “If those brats have the balls to touch my daughter then they can have the balls to demonstrate their endurance and cleaning skills”, he said, not a single bit sorry. You sighed, turning your head slightly to look at your daughter. “Charlotte, give us a minute”, you said smiling softly at her. She frowned softly but complied and ran upstairs.

Sighing again you hung your head. “Levi”, you said your tone a little stern. He did not answer opting to look elsewhere as you looked up to his face. “You can’t do stuff like that”, you said placing both your hands on each of his knees. His eyes still didn’t meet yours. “Charlotte is not a child”, you said gripping his knees. To this he turns to look down at you his eyes dipped in disapproval, “She will always be my child”, he said catching you by surprise. That was so uncharacteristically of him. “You should have seen how they were looking at her”, he said in disgust, “They got what they deserved, tch”, he said returning his eyes elsewhere. You stifled a chuckle.

You had only seen him like this once and it had been back when you were dating and someone dared ask you out. Levi had had a field day with them.

“Levi”, you called out even softer than before. He looked at you, his eyes now softer with a hint of sadness and anger. “You can’t treat Charlotte like that”, you said drawing circles on his knees. He sighed, his shoulder’s relaxing a bit. “I know”, he said in defeat. One of your hands moved upwards to hold his cheek. His face shifting to put its weight on your palm. “It’s just-”, he started thinking of the best way to describe the feeling, “hard”, he settled on. “I know”, you said empathising with him. He sighed again, moving his face so that his lips were the ones on your palm now. He kissed it before getting up. “Are you going to talk to her?”, you asked watching him disappear further into the house. “Something like that”, he said underneath his breath making you chuckle.

* * *

*knock, knock*

Two knocked protruded from her room’s door. Charlotte looked up from her bed, fresh tears still falling down her cheeks. She didn’t answer, not really in the mood to see you or Levi, especially Levi. “Stupid dad”, she thought burring her face on the pillow.

The door creaked open, allowing Levi to walk inside the room. “Brat”, he called out from the foot of the bed. Charlotte didn’t even shift. He sighed sitting down on the corner by her feet, “Brat”, he tried again. Charlotte simply buried herself deeper in the pillow. She didn’t want her father to watch her cry. “Charlotte”, he said softly placing a hand on her leg. “Hmm”, he heard her muttered from her pillow. “Common, let’s have a talk”, he said tapping her leg. She sighed emerging from the pillow and turning to look at him. His heart twisted when he caught her still watery eyes. “What is it?”, she said quietly. “I’m your dad”, he informed making her eyebrows knit. “Yeah?”, she said quizzically. Levi sighed once more, completely defeated, “even when you’re old like me, you will always be my brat”, he said looking down at her bedsheets. This made Charlotte giggle. “I know”, she said this time placing her hand on his leg. “You’ll always be my dad”, she echoed making the corner of Levi’s mouth tug upwards. “Always”, he answered looking at her with a smile. To his surprise, Charlotte threw herself at him hugging him. Levi eagerly hugged her back.

“This doesn’t mean you can get out of 5 a.m. training tomorrow”, he said making her push him so that he was at arm’s length. “Training?”, she repeated confused. “What? You thought I would back away from a promise?”, he asked rhetorically feigning offence. Charlotte beamed, “Really? You mean it?!”, she asked bouncing. “Yeah, yeah”, he said ruffling her hair, “Be ready at 4:30 sharp”, he said getting up from her bed, “If you’re late, I’ll make you run laps”, he said closing the door of her bedroom.

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la-fille-en-aiguilles · 4 years ago

Text

The Only Living Thing

Billy Russo x Female Reader

Warnings: Language.

Synopsis: You’ve been friends with BIlly Russo for as long as you can remember. Then, on that one night in New York, feelings get mixed up with the liquor that burns and everything spins out of control. So much for being the only living thing that Billy Russo has ever cared about... Or is it? A/N: This just sort of happened. I may be writing more if you guys want, I think I can definitely take this further? I have a pretty hectic schedule but I might make it happen x

Song : Adam French - The Only Living Thing

New York, November 2019.  

Breathtaking.  

You are breathtaking, like the most beautiful view from atop the mountain or his biggest fear coming alive under his stare.   You’re a mix of excitement and terror, and you are enchanting enough to keep him on the tips of his toes, second-guessing everything, his every decision and every word...

You are meant to leave him wanting more.

The night New York has never looked so good on a woman before.

Billy’s vision goes blurry for a second, his stomach hot and heavy.

You are glowing.

You radiate a kind of a warm sepia glow, so beautiful and genuine and so fucking effortlessy...

Smooth and unapologetic.   

Messy strands of hair framing your face, your blushing cheeks, as you laugh your heart out, throwing your head back. Your pearl teeth flash in the dimness of the bar. Your thin black tights are torn at the thighs, your lips are red and irritated as you sink your teeth in, again and again.

Your laugh is flamboyant, intoxicating. Raw.

You are something else...

When suddenly, you see him, your black eyelashes fluttering as you wink at him. Billy’s chest feels too wide, too fragile and too hot. Do you see those unspoken words shining out of his drunken eyes?

When you make your way to him through the crowd, he’s paralyzed, afraid to move forward, afraid to scare you off, but mostly, afraid to let everyone see how desperate he is for your touch.

This is wrong, so fucking wrong, but why in hell when you come over, throwing your elegant arms around his neck, your cute perky nose touching his chest - it feels so. fucking. right?! Like you were custom-made for each other?...

Before he can stop himself, he slides an arm around your waist. You say something to him, something funny, for everyone around him snorts and chuckles, but his mind, his entire world - suddenly comes down to that spot just below his cheekbone where you plant a soft peck of your velvet pouty lips.

“Those twenty bucks we bet on? I win,” you half laugh, half exhale in his ear, your lips brushing against the lobe. “Madani is fucking obsessed with you”.

“Ah,” Billy smiles, both of his hands snaking around your waist now as he looks down at you.

...And I am fucking obsessed with us.

“And you just enjoy rubbing us - this! in her face right now, aren’t you?” he mutters instead, his temples buzzing with the gin and tonic he has been downing all night.

God, he hopes you’re too buzzed to have noticed his slip of fucking epic proportions.

He promised himself he wouldn’t drink, not with you still around - because whatever it was that he felt for you mixed with liquid that burned equaled a very bad outcome.

He might be well into the tipsy territory by now but Billy isn’t delusional. The chances that you would go back to his place or even kiss him back are entirely too slim.

Because friends don’t do friends.

Friends might as well become a new f-word for all Billy cares at this point.

When you throw your head back in an explosive laugh, Billy’s distracted. He gets an extensive view of your elegant neck, your delicate collarbones, but mostly - of the swell of your mouthwatering breasts, as your black silk top tightens over them.

Fuuuuck him.

“Fuck you, Russo”, you echo his thoughts somehow as you wink at him once you’ve restored your breath, not stepping away from his embrace, however, letting him keep his hands on you.

It’s always like this between the two of you. You’ve known each other for a while now - four, five years? After Billy bumped into you at a brunch at Liebermans’ and spilled his frappuccino all over your gorgeous rack. He wasn’t even going to come - but boy, was he glad he did - even though you wasted no time opening that sassy mouth of yours and verbally eviscerating him.

This wasn’t a love at first sight.   For you, at least.

“At least buy me a dinner first,” Billy barely manages, his vision a tad blurry.

He notices you giving him an unimpressed stare. Feeling stupid all at once, Billy blinks quickly and lets go of your waist...

Only to tremble on his feet and almost fall on his face.

“Heyyy,” he registers your breath on his cheek before he hears what you’re saying, your small hands holding him in place. Your touch burns through the fabric of his button down shirt as your palms slide up his sides to his shoulders. “You okay there, Russo?”

Billy squirms, chomping on his bottom lip as he grabs you by your elbows.

‘’M fine”, he says quietly, but doesn’t let go. When he lowers his stare to meet your eyes, he almost wants to cry. There’s concern in their bottomless depths, worry for him and desire to make it all better. He just wishes there was more heat there, and less of that f-word that ends with -riends.

“You don’t look fine, lover,” you retort, wiggling and pushing and pulling onto him until you’re snug under his arms and carrying his dead weight to the exit. “Let’s go get some fresh air, come on.”

Billy utters something half-heartedly, his head feeling like it’s filled with cotton. He didn’t even drink that much, as least he doesn’t think so. Must be your fucking intoxicating perfume, sweet but voluptuous and so fucking tempting...

Pure sin.  

Even drunk out of his fucking mind, he’s still the envy of every guy at that bar because he’s with a stunning, breathtaking, prettiest woman in the whole damn world that is you.

“If you were able to stand right now, that line might have gotten you laid,” you inform him with a laugh, basically carrying him to the exit on your shoulders.

Through the drunken haze, Billy realises he might have spoken those words out loud, but the terror is quickly replaced by...

“Are you shitting me?” He slurs, trying to stay vertical. “Are you saying you want me?”

By the time the words escape his mouth, you have pushed the exit door wide open and nudged him to step out. Losing his balance, Billy crashes into Frank, Stein and Madani, smoking outside.  Dina’s eyes flash mischievously as you step out of the bar, immediately throwing your arms around Billy protectively, helping him to steady himself.

“Oh, so it’s common knowledge now, then?” Dina ventures, licking her lips bloodthirstily, her eyes never quitting yours. “You’ve finally admitted you want to drag that fine Caspian ass in your bed?”

The running joke aimed at Billy looking like a Disney prince feels out of place; all conversation is silenced out as you narrow your eyes at Madani, your grip around Billy’s waist instantly becoming tighter. Frank clears his throat in an attempt to defuse the awkwardness, but doesn’t intervene.

And Billy is... well, happy. Over the moon, actually, and still drunk off his ass.

Apparently, you have been wanting to drag his ass into your bed for a while now!

That does mean you see him more than a friend, right?

What if... What if all this time you were just as hung up on him as he was on you, but neither of you had the balls to say anything?

In his picture perfect drunken world, Madani makes sense and his heart sings.

You want him.

If it were a Disney cartoon, animals would be singing and dancing around praising your couple.

Frankie would have probably made a sick unicorn.

“Oh Dina”, suddenly your voice cuts right through Billy’s happy fantasy, and there’s way too much sass in that voice for it to belong to a Disney princess. “Just because your friend Sam here and your own desperate fan-girling ass carry a boner for some fucked up teenage fantasy that involves boinking Prince Caspian, doesn’t mean all women have that same one-track mind. Some of us can actually look past a dick and see a friend. So why don’t you lay off that Cosmopolitan and fuck off, vodka-cranberry sure ain’t making you brighter”.

Billy frowns, deep lines creasing his forehead.

Frank snorts with laughter, not even bothering to conceal his reaction.     You hold Dina’s hateful stare.

“Whatever, bitch” the latter one finally utters, throwing her cigarette away. “I never fucking liked you. Maybe after this your little fanboy here will see you for what you really are - a fucking coward and a tosser”, Billy’s stares at her in disbelief, his mind still foggy. Madani’s dark eyes flash dangerously in his direction. “Of all women, Russo... Karma is a bitch, isn’t she? Your little princess here only loves herself, lover. Get out while you fucking can”.

Smashing her shoulder into yours, Madani goes back into the bar, leaving equally dreary and awkward silence behind.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Frank isn’t laughing anymore as he folds his hands on his chest, giving you a questioning eye.

You roll your eyes dismissively.

“Well, she’s obviously shit-faced,” you shrug, sliding your hands off of Billy. “What, you’re surprised she hates me?”

It’s a whole another world there, in Billy’s head. Have you just distanced yourself from him after what Madani said? What, you thought he’s so drunk he wouldn’t fucking notice?

“...so just because I have basic restraint and actually appreciate a man as a friend, I’m a damaged bitch with a twisted sense of humour? Look, I don’t know, Frank”, you rub your eyes tiredly with the back of your hand.

“I do,” Billy suddenly chimes in hoarsely, his eyes bloodshot and dark, darker than usual, as they narrow at you. “Know. I know.” Billy stutters, then takes a deep breath. “That’s all I am to you then, sweetheart? A friend?”

Billy wavers a bit as he speaks, but his words are deadly. Your eyes pop wide open at his words, like Russo has just grown a penis on his forehead. Frank’s mouth forms a silent O.

And just like that, the tension is back.

“Well, of course you are my friend,” you say slowly, stretching out your hand in an attempt to grasp Billy’s wrist. Your eyes are searching his face, but he’s locked, like a goddamn prison cell. “You’re my friend and I love you”.

Wrong answer, if Billy’s expression is anything to judge by as he recoils from your touch. His face is a mix of disappointment and anger, his lips a thin line as he turns away.

“Fucking idiot,” he mutters under his breath as he turns on his heels and makes a tentative step towards the bar. Only his body is ruled by gin and whatever shit he chased it with, so his feet get mixed up together. Billy trips over his own shoes.

“Hey, easy there, tiger”, Frank, who’s been standing closer, grips Billy by his arm to help him keep his balance. “What’s gotten into you, man?”

Billy chuckles, throwing his head back, and that has got to be the most bitter sound you have ever heard. You shudder involuntary, watching Russo like a hawk.

“I would have given you the fucking world, you know that?” Billy stares you dead in the eye, grabbing the door handle in front of him. “You just keep fucking with my head like a fucking sadist, and I live by the shit you give me!” you blanch as Billy goes on with the program, hurt dripping from his mouth. “Must have always thought that should be some spectacular pussy you’ve been packing, totally worth all your shit”.

“Bill!” Frank calls him out sharply, his expression terrified.

But the damage is done.  

Your eyes are brimming with tears, but you stay silent, unblinking. Your chest seems a little caved-in, but you hold your chin high as your trembling lips start to move.

“Fuck you, Russo”, you spit, “Fuck you, friend”.

The next thing he knows, Billy explodes in a fit of bitter laughter - even though all he wants to do is fucking cry.

This just goes to fucking show there’s no such thing as Disney fairytale in real life, is there?

“Oh don’t worry, friend, somebody will,” he promises you, swinging the door to the bar wide open. “Gonna go help Madani fulfil her teenage fantasy. While you can stay here, think about us fucking like rabbits and feel better about yourself”.

With those words thrown over his shoulder, he steps into the crowded bar, the sound of the door shutting behind him sounding final.

Plot twist. Curtain falls.

Frank can’t even venture a look at you - he doesn’t even hear you breathing.

“He’s just piss off drunk, that’s it. He doesn’t mean it,” Castle attempts to do some damage control, even though he knows that that ship has most definitely sailed.

“Thanks, Frank,” he hears you say quietly, and as he raises his eyes, he catches the sight of you wiping your cheeks quickly.

You inhale slowly, closing your eyes and fisting your hands.

“Tell Karen and the guys I wasn’t feeling so hot, okay?” you ask, and there’s definitely pleading in your voice.

You never plead.

Before Frank can ever mutter anything about Karen having his head if he lets you walk away at night all alone, you wave at him dismissively.

“I’ll see you”, you say as you collect your hair in a ponytail and walk off, your silhouette soon lost in the bustling New York night.

#billy russo x reader #billy russo x you #billy russo #billy russo angst #the punisher imagine #billy russo imagine #billy russo story #billy russo au #the punisher story #the punisher

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rebeccccccaaa · 4 years ago

Text

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ɴᴇʀᴅ ⓟⓐⓡⓣ ②

_________________________

ғʀᴀᴛʙᴏʏ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs x sʜʏ-ɪsʜ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀᴜ (ɪɴᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ ɪ ɢᴜᴇss)

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: (two part series!) You’re starting to struggle in class and decide to ask your professor for some tutoring or extra classes to boost your grade. He ends up assigning the last person you’d expect to tutor you. (is it really a surprise though?)

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: cw: talking about a car accident and infertility

smut 18+ (praise kink, dirty talk, oral fem receiving, hair pulling, marking, choking, slight spanking if you squint, slight bondage), major aftercare, fluff? This is pretty filthy lmao.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 𝟺.𝟹 ᴋ (ɪ ᴀᴍ sᴏᴏᴏᴏᴏ sᴏʀʀʏ ᴛʜɪs ɪs sᴏᴏᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ!)

ᴀ/ɴ: Thank you so much for all the love in the last part! I was truly expecting maybe about 20 likes but so far its gotten over 100! Thank you for being so nice to me on my first ever post and hope you enjoy part 2!

__________________________

For the next two or so weeks you avoid Bucky like the bubonic plague. You didn’t exactly hate the fact that he kissed, but he was your tutor. Isn’t that inappropriate? Let alone him being a part of a frat house. It wouldn’t be a good mix.

One good thing though is that your overall grade in class has gone up since your tutor sessions with Bucky so at least it wasn’t for nothing. He’s tried to talk to you in class a couple times when you didn't go to him but ended up giving up when you began showing up right when class started or going out of your way to even go near him.

Again, you didn’t hate him; hell you weren’t mad anymore, but you still avoided at all costs. It’s totally not because you're scared you’ll actually fall for him. How could someone like Bucky even look your way? Maybe he just wanted to get into your pants like all the boys in the house.

You didn’t tell Natasha that Bucky kissed but she could definitely tell that something was up. You were usually at Bucky’s frat house on weekdays but you’ve been canceling sessions every night since the incident.

One night you were studying alone in your apartment and Natasha was pacing around on her phone. She was dressed to go to a frat party tonight but it seems maybe her ride isn’t available. You wonder why she can’t herself when she has a car.

“Hey Y/n,” Nat crept up to you.

“Yes,” you drew out.

“Would maybe, possibly, perhaps, might be able to be my DD?” she asked.

“Your what?”

“My designated driver. Wanda has a family emergency; her and her brother flew out like an hour ago and I haven’t been able to find anyone to pick me up.”

“I can drop you off and pick you up,” you offered. You’d rather stay up late in case she wants to come home than stay at the party all night, especially if she finds another bed to stay in till morning.

“I mean you could do that but would it be more fun to actually party for once. Come on babe you’re too uptight, you need to have fun especially with how hard you’re working in school right now.”

“Nat, you know that’s not my scene.”

“Just stay with me. Or Bucky I’m sure he wouldn’t mind hanging with you tonight,” she suggestively, bringing confusion to your face.

“Huh?”

“Oh nothing Just come with me please? If it gets too much text me and I’ll let you know if I need a ride back home.”

“Actually?” you asked.

“Pinky promise.”

“Ok give me like 5 mins.”

You ran to your room and picked out an outfit you felt sexy but comfortable in; I mean if you were going to inevitably run into Bucky at this party might as well look presentable right? When you came out ready, Nat whistled, hyping you up and felt your face heat up a bit.

“Stop, let’s just go,” you averted.

You arrived at the house music booming from down the street. People outside drinking from red solo cups, cars already picking up drunks and dropping people off to get said drunk. You hastily parked the car and Nat grabbed your hand and pulled you close as you guys walked to the party. You weren’t going to lie, you were really nervous.

You heard stories about these parties but you were trying to convince yourself that they may be exaggerated somewhat but still didn’t do much for your nerves. When you walked you eyes almost immediately locked with Bucky’s. To say he was shocked to see you at a frat party was for sure an understatement.

Bucky began to move through the crowd to meet up with you but when he got to the entrance it was like you disappeared. Disappointed, he returned to the mini bar where the drinks were all held, where Steve served the drinks. Asked for a beer.

“How’s it going, man?” Steve asked.

“She’s here.”

“Nat? I really think there's something between us. I’m thinking about asking her on a proper date you know?”

“Really? That’s awesome, but I’m talking ‘bout Y/n,” Bucky clarified.

“What? I thought she hated parties.”

“I did too.”

As if on queue, you tapped Bucky on the shoulder.

“Hi.”

“Hey, what on earth are you doing here?”

“Nat needed a designated driver and Wanda and her brother are out of town.”

“Yeah Pietro lives here in the house, Steve drove him and Wanda to the airport a couple hours ago.”

You nodded your head and things got awkward again, but then again what’s new with that.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“I can’t drink.”

“Oh right. Do we have soda?”

“We coke for the rum but you can take a can.”

“Thanks Steve,” you took a can of coke from him.

You and Bucky and Steve all held wholesome conversation for a little bit then Nat came and whisked him away. Bucky was put on bar duty from then on and you decided to keep him company until Nat was ready to go home. But so far from the way Steve and her were dancing together you didn’t think Nat was gonna wanna go home.

You asked Bucky how long Steve and Nat have had their little thing and apparently it’s been going on for awhile. You had sneaking suspicion that they were together in some way but since Nat never brought it up you didn’t want to bug her. It was pretty easy to figure out though considering she didn’t come home some nights.

They’re good together though and you hope they make it official soon.

Talking to Bucky, you felt a hand brush against but when you looked no one was there. You figured it was just getting crowded. After a couple of hours you decided to text Nat to see where she was. When she didn’t respond, you took it upon yourself to call her.

“Nat where did you go?”

“I'm in the car,” she slurred.

“What! You can’t be driving! How did you even get the keys?” you yelled.

“I snatched them from you when you and Bucky were flirting with each other. Steve couldn’t find his keys so I took yours,” she shouted into the phone.

“When did you- whatever, is he sober?” you asked.

“Yeah and I am not even that dru-,” she hiccuped.

“Nat…” you warned.

“Steve is my boyfriend and we’re clean. I’ll be safe; it’s not like I can have kids anyway.”

“Nat.” When you moved in together at the beginning of the year, you noticed one time her grabbing her lower stomach in discomfort and offered her any products for her period. She told you she doesn’t get one and being the dumbass you are you asked why. She told you when she was a teenager she got into a car accident that caused extreme internal bleeding causing Nat to become infertle.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that,” you apologized.

“It’s ok babe. If anything you be safe.”

“She can’t see you, babygirl,” you heard Steve say and laughed out loud.

“Oh! I’m winking!” she shouted.

“Oh my god. Whatever,” you rolled your eyes.

“Anyways buh-bye, girly!” she hung up the phone.

“What happened?” Bucky came up behind you. You looked over at the bar and saw Bruce bar-keeping.

“Nat took the fucking car with Steve.”

“Why didn’t he use my car?”

“She said he couldn’t find the keys and I guess it was easier to just steal from me when I wasn’t looking.”

“Wow, ok. Stealth much?”

“Right? She’s like a Russian spy,” you laughed.

“Well, you probably need a ride then,” Bucky brought up.

“I don’t know if I wanna go home knowing Steve is probably gonna be railing her into the next dimension.”

“Yeah, you can spend the night here. I can sleep on the floor.”

“Really?”

“Yeah it’s not a problem. We probably have an air mattress hiding somewhere.”

“Thanks Buck. well since I’m not going anywhere I guess I could have a drink now.”

“What’ll it be?”

You drank a couple beers feeling the alcohol beginning to flow effortlessly through your veins. The music was still booming through the house and you found yourself getting lost to the rhythm. You made your way to where everyone was also dancing and let the music guide your body sensually.

You didn’t notice it yet but Bucky was staring completely in love with the way you were moving. He’d never seen you in this kind of environment and definitely not in the clothing you were wearing. You looked truly sexy even more so dancing the way you were dancing; like you had control over everything in the world.

You soon felt a pair of hands circle around to your waist instantly knowing who they belong to. Bucky moved his hips snug against your backside perfectly fitting with you. You let your head lean back feeling Bucky breathe against your neck.

“You driving me crazy, doll,” Bucky whispered against your ear.

You shivered at his words.

“Please, let me show you how fucking stunning you are,” he moved his hands towards the front of your hips.

“What?” you turned around. You hadn’t expected Bucky to want to do anything with you.

“I can make you feel so good. You deserve it.”

“Bucky-”

“Do you want me to make you feel good?”

“I do,” you whined as he rubbed his hands against your lower back, pulling you so close.

He kissed you too softly, barely touching your lips, as he grabbed your hands and led to his room upstairs.

When you reached his room, the back of his knees hit the bed and he sat while your knees went to either side of his thighs. God his thighs. His hands went up your shirt grazing your bare skin with his fingertips as you continued to makeout sloppily.

“Can I take this off?” he asked, tugging your shirt.

“Please, yes please.”

Your arms went over your head and Bucky slowly kissed the exposed skin as your shirt inched higher and higher up until he tossed it to the side. The straps of your bra left off shoulders and Bucky continued to kiss any exposed skin on your body. Your hands ran through his hair and you tugged his strands earning a moan in return.

You tugged at his shirt as well and he complied quickly getting rid of his shirt and throwing it to the side. Bucky hands ran over your bottom and you jumped off him nearly ripping your bottoms off your body. You heard bucky chuckled as he too took the opportunity to take his pants off leaving him in boxers and nothing else.

“I want to taste you baby girl,” Bucky bit at your ear.

Your body tensed a bit because although you were not a virgin, you were not that experienced, especially compared to Bucky.

“Is that ok? I’m sorry, we don’t have to do anything. I don’t want you to regret anything, princess. We can stop.”

“No! I don’t want to stop. No one’s just ever wanted to do that, you know,” you whispered feeling a bit overwhelmed.

“Oh baby, what kinda shit boys were you with? Let me show how good a woman is supposed to feel, got it?”

You swallowed hard, but nodded of course.

Bucky picked you up and gently laid you down onto the bed. His hands rubbed your thighs softly and he kissed your stomach ever so softly. He was trying his very hardest to make sure you were comfortable and relaxed as much as possible. Bucky traced the lining of your underwear and looked to you once again to make sure everything was ok by you. You nodded but that wasn’t enough for Bucky.

“Words, baby. I wanna hear you say it,” he whispered, lips against your inner thigh.

“Bucky,” you whined.

“Come on, baby. Use your words like a big girl,” he snickered.

“Please, touch me, Bucky. I want you to use your mouth on me like you promised.”

“There ya go,” he said pulling your underwear down your legs.

He slowly opened your legs and kissed your inner thigh leaving a dark purple mark for him to see and him only. When he was satisfied with the marks he left on your inner thighs he licked a slow and wet line against your pussy. Your hips instantly bucked into his face and your hands flew to his hair.

You tugged at his hair again and released a grunt from Bucky, the vibrations from his mouth pleasuring you even more. Bucky brought his fingers to your hole and he continued circling his tongue around your clit making you moan and arch your back.

He entered a finger into you and then another. You were already beginning to feel full from just his fingers alone, you couldn’t wait until he was able to fuck you balls deep. Your orgasm was approaching quicker than you anticipated, your toes curled and your back arched off the bed. Your heels dug into Bucky’s back but he simply continued to eat you out until you finally peaked.

“Bucky!” you shouted his name in pleasure.

“That’s it baby girl. You're my good girl, right?”

“Yes, I’m your good girl. Oh god, I’m cumming,” you moaned.

Bucky helped you ride out your first orgasm of the night completely enamored by your beauty. When you finally came down from you high you reached for Bucky pulling him into a heated kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue and moaned into his mouth. You pulled him closer and sat up moving him to sit his back against his headboard.

“I don’t know what I want to do more, return the favor or ride you until my legs shake.”

“You can return the favor another time. Let me see you ride my dick, doll,” Bucky growled. Another time?

You crawled onto Bucky’s lap after he discarded his boxers letting his dick spring up, the tip red from lack of attention. It shocked you if you were being honest, it was so… big.

“Is that gonna fit?” you asked genuinely.

“Yeah, it will; but if it hurts too much you tell me to stop ok?” you nodded.

Bucky reached behind your back and unclasped your bra only to toss it to wherever the rest of your clothes were. His hands caressing your breasts; thumbs rubbing over your sensitive nipples, sending chills throughout your body. He kissed along your collarbone to your neck to your jaw before whispering in your ear.

“I have to grab a condom from the bathroom, baby girl. Sorry,” he began to move you.

“Why are you sorry?” you stopped him.

“I don’t wanna ruin the mood but safety is important before anything else.”

You weren’t gonna lie that actually kinda shocked you; and turned you on even more. You had completely forgotten about having a condom. You were on the pill but that doesn't mean you shouldn’t still use a condom. Bucky was back in no time and you took the condom from him wanting to put it on for him. Bucky moaned as you wrapped his dick and soon enough you were ready to go, arousal practically dripping down your inner thighs.

Bucky’s hand lid up to the back of your neck as you slid down his cock; both moaning at the feeling. You took a second to move but when you did things practically fell into pace. You quickly found a good rhythm for the both of you and soon enough you felt yourselves growing near climax.

Bucky’s hands gripped at your ass, grunting and moaning at the feeling of your walls gliding in and out of you. He smacked your ass leaving a slight red-ish mark for you to admire later. You pulled him closer, if that was even possible, burying your face in between Bucky’s neck and shoulder.

“I can feel ya getting close, baby. Fucking squeezing me. Feels so good, princess.”

“I'm gonna come, I’m so close.”

“Don’t come until I say so. Hold it, I know you can. Be my good little girl and fucking hold it.”

You sucked and kissed and licked his neck leaving little marks not nearly as big as the ones he was leaving all over you. Soon enough you felt the coil building in the pit of your stomach snap and you moaned so loud into Bucky’s ear, he almost came from hearing your moans.

“Sorry I literally screamed in your ear.”

“I told you not to come until I say so.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t hold it anymore. You felt too good,” you whispered, barely audible.

“That doesn’t matter. I told you to hold it,” Bucky got off the bed and reached for his pants. You got so scared that he was going to leave; terrified. But instead he took his belt he was wearing and stalked back towards you. Oh how the butterflies in your stomach fluttered right now.

“Arms up baby girl. You don’t get to touch me now.”

You complied, your stomach fluttering immensely at the mere thought of what Bucky was going to do with you now. When he finished looping the belt around the headboard of the bed his hands ran along your entire body kissing here and there until back up to you.

“Too tight?” you shook your head.

“Perfect. Winter; say the word and I stop,” he kissed passionately, sliding back in you, pussy sensitive from orgasming twice tonight.

Bucky didn’t take as much time as you did before starting to slam into you over and over again. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, toes curling in themselves, tears brimming your eyes. Bucky fingers dug into your waist surely leaving more marks for you in the morning.

His hand came up to wrap around your neck and squeezed ever so slightly.

“Feel good? My little fucking slut, whining and wiggling under me,” Bucky said, more to himself than anything.

“Fuck-” you moaned. You wrists rubbing against the belt, trying to pull away so you could touch Bucky.

“What is it? You wanna touch me,” Bucky’s hand squeezed a bit more and you moaned even louder, legs wrapping around his waist pulling him closer that way.

“Oh good please Bucky, let me touch you!”

“Uh-uh, bad girls don’t get what they want. If you want to touch me you have to beg me like the good little whore you are,” Bucky growled.

“Fuck Bucky please, I’ll do anything for you just me let me touch you. Please, please, please!”

“Tell me your mine.”

“I’m yours, Buck. All fucking yours. No one else’s!”

“No one is ever gonna fuck as good as I do. Your mine.”

“Yes! I’m yours, oh god,” you moaned.

Bucky was extremely close to cumming and so were you so he undid the belt with one hand skillfully and your arms wrapped around his body pulling as close to you as humanly possible. Your hands ran through his hair and pulled hard as you both fell over the edge. Bucky settled between your legs for a minute kissing your breasts, your chest heaving trying to catch your breath.

Bucky got up and discarded the condoms making sure there were no tears or rips considering how rough he’d been with you. He didn’t intend to be rough at first but his mind was so clouded with you he practically lost control; but you didn’t mind not one bit.

Bucky came back with bottled water from a small refrigerator he kept in the corner of his room and held you back and head as you brought the water to your lips. After satisfying your dry and hoarse throat, Bucky picked you up and set down on his bathroom counter, the cold of the marble counter in extreme contrast to your hot skin.

He cleaned you up and inspected your wrists making sure you weren’t hurt; although they were quite red and would probably hurt in the morning. Lastly, he grabbed a wipe and cleaned the remaining mess of makeup you had put on the night before speaking up again.

“Was I too rough? I didn’t mean to be,” Bucky caressing the sides of your waist. You shocked your head no; the face with a blissfully fucked out expression and a smile making Bucky chuckle. He rubbed your skin with lotion to ease any irritation anything may have caused and kissed the marks he made during sex. He admits that he really likes seeing you marked up by him knowing he’s the only one who gets to see them and make them. Makes him proud that he was able to fuck so good and you loved it too.

He picked you up and took you to bed; kissing you all over one last time before letting you fall asleep in his arms. The last thing you heard before you fell asleep was Bucky whispering about how good were to him, calling you his good little girl; rubbing your back ever so softly putting you to sleep.

+++

You woke the next morning arms and legs tangled with another. You turn your head to find Bucky Barnes’ face tucked into your neck soft breaths tickling your skin. You rubbed his arms and back, nails lightly scratching him causing him to stir a bit.

Bucky pressed soft kisses against your skin and rested his large warm hands on your ass and thighs. You felt the urge to use the restroom and haven’t going last night, you figured you should as soon as possible. Prying your mildly sweaty body from his was obviously unsuccessful with how much stronger he was compared to you. His legs moved further in between your thighs and he began kissing your chest making you giggle in return.

“Bucky, I have to use the restroom,” you grabbed his face.

“Oh, sorry,” he chuckled and released his hold on you, not without whining of course.

You ran into his bathroom and shut the door. When you turned around you gasped realizing how marked up you were. Dark purple spots littered all over your chest and neck. Your wrists were bright red from the belt he used last night; however they didn’t hurt, a bit sore but not painful. Your thighs were also decorated with love bites and hickeys from Bucky last night and you smiled to yourself.

After you used the bathroom you cleaned yourself as well as possible but admittedly needed a shower in the end. You opened the door only to find Bucky, grinning like a little boy. You folded your hands underneath your chin evidently hiding your body with your arms as much as you could.

Bucky came up to you and placed his hands on your waist kissing the top of your head before turning you around to look at yourself in the bathroom mirror. His body was flush against your and you could feel his dick sitting against your ass and lower back. His face came up and rested on your shoulder then grabbed your hands to wrap them behind his head and yours.

You played with his hair a bit feeling so confident and loved by the affection Bucky has been giving since you came into his room. His hands ran across your body everywhere they could reach before making eye contact with you in the mirror.

“Look at you, goddamn.”

“What?” you chuckled.

“Do you see what I’m seeing?”

You shook your head, feeling incredibly shy suddenly.

“Look how fucking beautiful and gorgeous and perfect you are. Geez, I can’t even handle it.”

You laughed out at how dramatic he was being.

“Goddamn, I could stare at your perfect body all fucking day,” he whispered, it wasn’t in a sensual tone however. It was almost like he was saying to himself, like he actually wanted to do as such.

“Please stay,” he asked you.

“Are you ok?” you sensed he was being incredibly serious, almost about to cry even.

His sad painted with sadness, eyes begging you to stay with him for the day. He wanted something with you.he wanted to be yours and hoped to God that you’d be his in return.

“Stay with me. Please?” you realized you didn’t think he was talking about staying for now, he meant stay with him, as a partner.

“What happened?” you caressed his face in your hands. He lifted you and placed you on the counter Like he did the night before, settling his hips in between your legs.

“They always leave,” he whispered.

“Who? ”

“I didn’t want to just sleep around with girls anymore so I started talking to them and taking them out but every time the night we had sex, they would always leave. I tried talking to them the next day but they always said they didn’t want anything out of it. So I stopped having sex altogether.”

Your heart ached for him. You didn’t want to do that to him. Of course you thought about it, but that was clearly before you realized Bucky wanted to be with you.

“I won’t leave.”

“We can stay in my room all day. You don’t even have to get out of bed. I can grab a couple game consoles from downstairs and we play on the tv. We order breakfast. I’ll wash your clothes. We have a washing machine in the basement,” Bucky said excitedly, you smiled excited as well for your day with Bucky.

“Can we take a shower first?” you asked.

“Yes of course, let’s take a shower.”

“Let’s?” you wiggled your eyebrows.

“Of course. Maybe we can pop in a couple rounds while we’re at it,” Bucky winked.

“Bucky!”

______________________

Ok, all done. :) Hope you liked it and maybe give it a little like or reblog? You don’t have to though lol

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ!

@baddie-barnes

@calwitch

@red42985

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #collage!bucky #collage au #au #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes smut

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years ago

Text

You and your words | Hendery

❤︎ Prince!Hendery x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff, Smut, Smut, Angst, Royalty AU, best friends to lovers, fuck buddies for some time hehe ❤︎ 3/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number

One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: You and prince Hendery are good friends... who lust for each other and trying so hard not to fall in love. But your mother, an ambitious woman, wants to use prince Hendery to improve the status of your family.

Word count: 9,614k

Warnings: Unprotected sex, virginity loss, making out, best friends but they lust for each other, masturbation (male), mentions of masturbations (female), they think of each other when they masturbate ano ba, fingering, a lot of kissing, dirty talk, corruption, slight exhibitionism, mentions of oral sex, fuck buddies for some time, dirty talking... but through love letters.... haha, mentions of other idols, strict parents, mother issues, Hendery being a spoiled prince, slight cheating, a lot of bad decisions, you might get mad to Hendery or reader?

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. inspired by the Netflix series Bridgerton and First Burn from Hamilton.

For my baby’s Love Letter event, @neosmutcollective HAPPY CUPID DAY!

February 14

My dearest best friend,

I am inviting you to my family’s soirée and ask you to accompany me the whole night. In return, I will sing praises about you to my cousin Xiaojun.

Prince Hendery

Everyone knows that an invitation to the queen’s soirée is the holy grail and it is very hard to be invited especially if the queen or king does not know you personally. But you, the ever so beautiful Y/n, is friends with their son Prince Hendery. So it’s up to you to claw your way to the top and to honor your family. At least that's what your mother wants you to do.

You don’t request anything from the prince, no. Everything that he does or gives to you is voluntarily and because he loves you dearly. As a friend.

It all began when he accidentally bumped you a little too hard because he was in a hurry to avoid a certain dance with someone he does not know. You were both in your teenage years at that time and it was a season where young people were rather picky. The young gents always look for the prettiest most flawless lady, and the young ladies always.... well, avoid anyone or everyone unless he's the prince.

You were quite young by that time and you didn’t care about courting, suitors, love letters, or expensive flowers. That’s why you didn’t know what the prince looked like nor his name, because you didn’t care at all.

“My apologies my lady, I didn’t see you” he offered his hand and pulled you from the ground. It was so kind of him to help you get up and straighten your dress. Not to mention he kissed the back of your gloved hand and apologized again.

“It’s fine. Is someone running after you?” you pursed your lips and hugged yourself to protect yourself from the cold. The palace gardens have it’s unique February breeze, you thought.

“Here,” he smoothly removed his coat and put it around you. “I’m Hendery” he smiled when he finally realized that you don’t know who you are with right now.

“Y/n. The ball is kind of boring and quiet. N-no offense to the queen and her family but everyone seems so uptight and pushing us, the young people to entertain the adults- I’m sure you understand what I’m saying here” your tone was a little loud and the annoyance caused by your mother is slowly showing.

“Very much. In fact, I was running away from a dance that I don’t want to be a part of” he giggles so handsomely to show his support for what you’re feeling right now. "Love is the last thing that I desire right now but my mother wants me to entertain a bunch of women and converse for some time with their mother or father"

“How many girls did you entertain tonight?” you asked back, and also giving back his coat because you’re about to leave him.

“Two. My mother and my sister” he answered proudly which made you smile and let out a small laugh. At least between the two of you, he has the freedom to say no.

When you finally got back to the boring party, your mother was quick to fix your hair and fluff your dress before she pushes you again on the dance floor and dance with the prince. She told you she went to great lengths so you could have some time to dance with the crowned prince even if it’s just for a few seconds.

“Work your magic young lady, enchant the prince, and try to make him interested in you. Be useful like your sisters, be engaged to the prince soon and all is well” your mother’s exact words.

Ah right. Of course, your mother’s priority is to use you as bait to the bigger fishes so you could earn their love and respect. So with a heavy heart and feet, you walked in the middle of the dance floor, feeling so ashamed and humiliated for you were so sure that the prince will not show up because he does not have any interest.

Tears are starting to ball at the corner of your eye but you felt a shiver on your spine when someone tapped you from behind.

Lo and behold, prince Hendery came and graced you with his attention.

“Are those tears?” He was quick to grab your hand and waist to save you from the humiliation but the place started gossiping in no time. You can hear people asking one another if you’re royalty, where did you come from and why is the prince only interested in having a dance with you.

“I’m sorry my prince,” you cleared your throat and hope that your face is pleasing, “we meet again, I have no idea that you’ve been gracing me with your time already. My apologies”

He let out a small laugh before he twirled you. “That’s Hendery, not prince Hendery. The quick moment that I shared with you outside made me feel that I’m free” he whispered beside your ear. So sincere, so true, but it sounded like he’s calling for help.

“Thank you prince Hendery, my mother is pleased”

“I too. I mean, the queen is pleased”

“How about you, your grace, are you pleased?”

“Very much pleased. Tell me, what’s your name?” You stepped back and bowed down to him, as low as you can.

“Lady Y/n L/n, your grace” you smiled and slowly recovered from your bow.

And in that very moment, while a unique friendship is slowly blooming in the middle of the dance floor, everyone started hating you even before knowing your name or family name.

But for prince Hendery, it’s a name that he will never forget and love starting that night.

From there on you and prince Hendery became the best of friends, making the whole town jealous and making everyone crave your attention, begging for you to answer the golden question which is, “Are you two in love with each other?” Something neither you nor Hendery can’t answer because you do love each other, but not deep enough.

Months and years have passed and still, you and prince Hendery please your mothers by being sweet whenever you have eyes watching. Balls, birthday parties, luncheons, soirées, all to which you and prince Hendery had a great time making everyone jealous. Like tonight, where prince Hendery should be right beside you because you are his guest but he is nowhere to be found. Until one of his guards came to you and told you, “Prince Hendery is asking for you in his bedroom, my lady” thankfully it was a whisper, or else it could have been a big scandal.

You have never stepped foot into prince Hendery’s room even though the two of you are incredibly close. No one can enter a royal bedroom except family, guards, maids, or his future fiancé. That’s why you were nervous while you continue to question yourself, ‘what are you doing here?’ until you found yourself in front of the prince’s bedroom and his guard opened the door for you.

“Are you going to marry me?” You asked after the guard shut the door, teasing your best friend and not coming any closer to him.

“Will you please come join me to bed? I’m sad” he pouted so cutely and lie on his side. “You look lovely tonight. The flowers I sent you this morning match your dress perfectly, I picked it from the garden where we first met” he added.

You giggle and told him to look at your head, there he saw a flower from the ones he sent you. “Creative,” he says and pats his bed one more, still asking for you to lie beside him. Of course, you gave up eventually, but you lie so far from him that he had to pull the sheets a little too harshly to get a hold of you which completely startled you and made you nervous. “Much better,” he says, face closer to you than ever that his breath touches your skin.

“No more games my prince, why did you summon me here?” you’ve never been close to Hendery like this. If the queen hears about this, you and your family will be in trouble.

“Nothing special, I just want to be free before I become the night's hot topic” he admitted.

“That's why I'm here. I promise to drag you away whenever someone is coming” He smiles at your effort to cheer him up, “or would you prefer dancing the whole night so we don't get disturbed?” you offered him a hug while you two lie in bed comfortably. “Everything will be fine as long as Im here” you added.

“Exactly, that's why I called you here” he smiles and closed his eyes, listening to the distant violin playing from downstairs. And to make him feel better, you threw away your shyness and rest your head on his chest. He automatically wraps his arms around you and giggled while his eyes were still closed. Secretly happy that you’re slightly on top of him while his embrace becomes tighter and tighter by the second until your face is much closer to his face again when he rolled on the side dragging your body with him.

Shyness creeps in your bones again as he looks at you deeply. Making your body incredibly warm by just looking at you and keeping your body close. You tell yourself, ‘look away, it’s improper to look at your prince like this’ but you can’t and you don’t want to.

“If I ask you to kiss me, will you say no to me?” he bravely asked, eyes hoping for you to say yes. But when you’re taking too long to answer, you saw the disappointment in his eyes, and his embrace was becoming loose. “I’m sorry for being a fool-“

To his surprise, you didn’t answer him through your words but through your actions. You kissed your prince friend on the lips which he returned without hesitation. He was happy and he’s proving it by the way he kisses you, smiling in between taking breaths, letting out a soft moan whenever he’s being too carried away. You didn’t expect to love the way how his lips touch yours, you didn’t expect him to be a good kisser but it was so good that when you closed your eyes you thought you were in a cloud and an angel is kissing you.

It was slow and not rushed. It is as if time stopped while your heads were turning and your tongues were fighting for dominance while no one noticed that your fingers are intertwined. When he pulled away and kissed your forehead to end the moment, he thanked you for not refusing and even asked you where did you learn to kiss like that. “I’m glad the first lips I ever kissed is owned by a woman who truly, cares for me” he smiles and kissed the back of your hand one too many times before he got up from his bed, and offered his hand to help you.

That night, while you and prince Hendery were kissing privately, something sparked inside him that he had never felt before. You may not know but during the party, prince Hendery noticed that you can be someone he can be in love with.

February 19

My dearest Y/n,

Have you been well? When can I see you again? Did you receive the flowers that I sent you and your mother? Perhaps I could pay you a visit and we can have a picnic somewhere private.

I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about the kiss we shared.

Prince Hendery

Days after that beautiful kiss, prince Hendery sent you beautiful flowers, one for each corner of your home that even your mother was impressed and had the wrong idea. Of course, she thought the prince is courting you and that sending you many expensive flowers is a sign that he is now ready to show his seriousness to you.

“May I see that letter, dear?” she reached out her hand, waiting for you to hand prince Hendery’s recent letter.

“Mother, I’m sure the prince will not be pleased with your idea," you said in the nicest way but the tone of your voice had a hint of begging. Why must she put you in this position? Your own mother. She walked slowly towards you and snatched the letter from your hand and watch your mother betray you in front of your eyes.

After reading, she was very much amused and happy by what she just read. “the kiss we shared, eh?” she said with a smirk. “Write back-“

“I will not” you talked back.

“Write back or I will” she said with a stern voice, “you are to write back and flatter the prince. Tell him you want to happen again, tell him to invite you again to one of his family’s events”

“Mother, I don’t talk like that”

“Whatever, just do as I say For our family’s name, for our family’s sake. Be useful like your sisters” she straightens up her posture and told you to go to your room and write the letter.

You thought that your mother understood the friendship that you have with Hendery but turns out she still wants to use you as bait and to get the attention of the royal family. It sickens you, to be honest. Because Hendery is a decent person, always nice to you and your family and also you love him dearly as a friend.

As you look at the blank paper and arrange your thoughts, trying so hard to talk like how your mother wants but you just can’t. So instead, you told him the truth and what your heart says.

February 19

Dear Prince Hendery,

You care for me always, I am well thank you for asking.

Apologies for not being around these days, I was catching up with some readings. I did receive the lovely flowers, they were very beautiful my mother was pleased.

I miss you awfully. And the private picnic you offered sounds wonderful and can be arranged for tomorrow.

Lady Y/n

“No mention of the kiss?” prince Hendery whined to his best friend Ten while he watches him clean his hands from their afternoon hunt.

“Maybe the story that you told me is just part of your imagination,” Ten laughed.

“It’s not. It’s much real- how can I bring this up to her again? I want it to happen again”

“Oh, you’re a spoiled prince. When will you change? Tell me my, friend, do you love her, or you’re willing to use her for your desperateness?” it was a bold question to open the eyes of the prince.

“I do love her but, it’s very little and I’m sure I’m driven by my lust” the prince admitted.

“Then court her. Feelings can grow and the next thing you know, you now have a queen. And your mother will be pleased”

Hendery shook his head to show his disappointment to his friend. He may be the prince but he believes that he’s not born in this world to merely please his mother but to follow what his heart really wants. Like to marry the one he loves.

On the next day, as promised, the prince planned a private picnic for just the two of you and it was perfect. Being with prince Hendery is like an escape from the reality of your home and for prince Hendery, being with you makes him feel normal. “The sun feels good, doesn’t it?” he put a strawberry in your mouth and watch you chew it while you lie comfortably on his lap.

Since when did you two start to exchange flirty glances? you asked yourself. But you shrugged it off and continue to mind your thoughts. You may not know but it’s obvious that your mind is not in this picnic and prince Hendery can see right through you, he knows something is bothering you so he asked you. “Nothing my prince, I’m just thinking and admiring the perfect weather,” you said with the slightest of interest.

“Why are you so proper when you’re writing to me or when you’re with me? What's the matter? Speak your mind your prince demands it,” he ate another strawberry and you got up from your comfortable position.

“That’s not fair,” you said because you can’t tell him what’s really on your mind.

“It was meant to be a joke, what’s wrong?”

He will never give up until you tell him something that will stop his curiosity, so you didn’t have a choice but to lie. “Having no suitors and my desire to escape from reality. That bothers me” you said and tried diverting your attention by indulging at the feast in front of you.

“Maybe there’s a reason for that. Look for a suitor that's very much like me” he says boldly, looking at you deeply like he’s telling you the answer is right in front of you already. And to be honest, a suitor that’s very much like the prince doesn’t sound so bad. He’s a gentleman, has good intentions, and also a good kisser.

“I will keep that in mind. Now read me poetry and tell me stories,” you went back to your comfort on his lap and listen to him talk while you two bask under the beautiful weather. He reads you tons of poetry that sounded real and full of emotions, tells you stories about his childhood and the things that he wants to do in life, even fed you with the palace gossips, and made you laugh. Again, the picnic is perfect and prince Hendery once again provided an escape from your ugly thoughts.

You watch the sun go down while you both finish the wine in your cups and eat the leftover cheese because there's nothing left anymore. Both a little tipsy from the wine already, laughing and giggling before midnight strikes then out of nowhere, the rain poured so hard that it got you both soaked in a matter of minutes.

Running hand in hand to look for a shade as the field becomes darker each second, good thing prince Hendery saw a thick tree that can provide shade in the meantime. With soaking clothes and wet skins you stand closely together behind the thick tree, waiting for the rain to stop. But the prince is thanking it silently for giving him this moment with you. A moment with you where he can admire you closely again, a moment with you privately where he can keep you close to him, and a moment with you where he can try and ask for a kiss again.

You’re not stupid. You can feel the warmth of his body like he’s sharing some of it to you, you can feel his fingertips dancing on your exposed back all the way to your nape, letting you feel the wetness of your skin which you very much love but you can’t admit it to yourself.

“You said you wanted an escape well I too,” he leaned forward to give your jaw a soft kiss that’s very much addicting, leaving you for wanting more. He pulled away to look at you for a few seconds, waiting for you to return the kiss and accept his offer. And without any hesitation, you kissed him on the lips and showed him what you want.

“An escape and nothing more-“ you said because giving the prince false hope is the last thing you want to happen.

“I understand, he says with a smile. Very much pleased to see you give in to him and his charms. He kissed you to show you how happy he is, reaching for your right leg and lift the skirt of your dress so he could feel the wetness of your skin further. You moaned and gasp sharply near his ear as you feel your leg locks automatically around his waist as he pushed you on the tree with a grunt and kiss you even more harshly.

Soon you feel his fingers creep in your inner thighs, closer than ever to your sex. “Hendery-“ you moaned when he finally swipes his finger on your sex, wetting his fingers in front of your eyes using his spit and putting it back to your sex and continue to make you feel good. He is holding you tightly as your grip on his shoulder tightens even more. Oh he knows what he’s doing. You smile at that thought while parting your lips, furrowing your brows, and moaning even more deliciously near the prince’s ear.

And while he continues what he’s doing to you, you felt something hard poking your other thigh while his lips were leaving marks on your chest, just right above your breast. Is that what you think it is? Well, if yes then his cock is big, and thinking about it makes you horny even more. “Are you happy?” he whispered, disturbing your lustful thoughts, nod your head yes, and returned your lips to his. Biting it and sucking his tongue, showing him that you are very much driven by lust too.

When he finally found the spot that instantly made your legs shake and your knees weak, he watched you let go right before his eyes and watch you bite your lips and make sinful sounds that he’s very much proud of. Satisfied with the pleasure that he provided, he removed his fingers from your hole and helped you fix your dress. You feel very tired and exhausted, that your legs are about to give up but Hendery will never let you fall. He kissed you more, asked for more and you gave him more until you’re both happy and satisfied with the long kisses that you shared. “Let me bring you home safely” he sweetly requested when he noticed that the rain was long gone and you’re in a middle of a dark field.

Walking hand in hand back to his carriage where his guards are waiting, you two remain unbothered with your wet clothes and stayed happy with the remaining time you have with each other on your way home. And when it’s finally time to part again, he thanked you for a wonderful day which made you incredibly shy as what happened earlier flashes in your mind.

As you settle in your bathroom, sitting on the tub filled with warm water, you can still hear Hendery’s sweet whispers and miss his touch terribly. Smiling through the idea of a gentleman such as Hendery touched you for the first time, and it was quite an experience. But still, you love him as a friend and that will never change because you will not let your mother win and use Hendery’s name to up the status of your family.

He offered you an escape, and that’s what you’re accepting. No more, no less.

February 23

Dearest Y/n,

I am lying to myself if I don’t admit that I miss your lips on mine. How I miss seeing your parted lips, touch the softness of your breast, and the wetness of your sex. I’ve been thinking about you every night since we parted ways after that eventful evening we shared.

But the purpose of this letter is to invite you to my uncle’s ball this evening and accompany me, be my guest and let’s enjoy the night.

Prince Hendery

Knowing that the prince misses you and your lips, is something that can surely make you smile while writing back to him and accept his invitation. Sealing the letter with the slightest of love but flowery words that will surely make him smile too.

This action can be accepted as playing with fire but no one reads your letters aside from the prince himself so you know that whatever you say to him will always be safe.

But right after you sent the letter, you regret writing those filthy words on paper and realized that you are sending it to your best friend.

February 23

Dear Hendery,

The invitation is accepted and I will be delighted to accompany you. But before I close this letter, I want you to know the truth about my impure thoughts.

I think of you at night whenever I touch myself. Imagine that your fingers are the ones inside me and not mine, I spread my legs so wide under the sheets, eyes closed while I try to remember how you please me.

When can we meet privately again? I hope it happens again soon.

Lady Y/n

As expected, while reading the letter that you wrote back privately, the prince’s cock got hard that he had to take care of it at once. So in his quiet room where the doors are locked, he sat on the edge of his bed and pull out his cock from his trousers. Stroking it slowly as he imagines you again, teasing himself so he wouldn’t release so soon.

Holding the letter in his left hand and reading the second phrase over and over again, trying so hard to picture you in his thoughts with your nightgown lifted all the way up until your sex is exposed and you touching yourself. Closing his eyes so tight while he strokes his cock faster than before as he pictures you gripping the sheets so hard and very much near to your orgasm.

Until finally he shoots his cum and lets it drip on his sheets, moaning and grunting deliciously as he enjoys the warm feeling while catching his breath. Wondering how can he control his lustful feelings towards you and turn it to love.

When the most awaited time has arrived and Hendery’s carriage is waiting outside your house, you didn’t quite expect to feel nervous as this never happened to you before. He was quiet and smiling handsomely when you sat in front of him, waiting for his carriage to move before he does as well.

“You look beautiful as always,” he sat beside you and completely startled you with his actions. A kiss on your gloved hand, and a kiss on your lips.

During the ball, Hendery was busy gracing the place with his presence on behalf of his mother so the two of you did not have much time to talk and dance, although he promised to dance with you once for tonight and that is perfectly fine for you understand his duties.

So while you’re drinking a glass of white wine on the corner, you can’t help but think and foresee the future that you can have with Hendery if you let your mother succeed.

A comfortable life, the wife of the future king, a loving husband, of course, he will give you children, but he will always be away to take care of the country’s current affairs because he is the crowned prince. And you well know that you don’t want a life like that. You want a life where a husband goes home to you every night and makes love to you until you're exhausted and tired.

“I’m sorry” Hendery whispered from behind which startled you. “Are you ready to dance?” you gave him your hand and guide you towards the middle. Careful to put his hand on your waist, trying so hard not to pull you towards him and plant many kisses on your neck.

“I read your letter” he started and completely clueless about your regret about it. You gave him a shy smile and looked away.

“So?” he started again, hoping to hear a response from you this time.

“So what my prince?”

“Do you still want my fingers inside you?” He teases, whispering beside your ear and smiling as if he’s not making you shy in the middle of the dance floor.

“I beg you-“

“Oh, she begs” He interrupted you and teased you further. But that’s not all, you feel his hand roam on your lower back, bravely did it still despite being guarded with many judging and watchful eyes. Slowly your patience with your friend is wearing thin and so you stared at him long and hard and thankfully he understood what your eyes were saying and stopped teasing you.

“Thank you for shutting up and remembering that you’re a prince,” you clear your throat and continue what you were saying earlier, “your fingers do felt rather nice inside me and... I wish what happened the other night would happen again. But Hendery I beg you, do not tease me like this because someone might hear you. At least talk softly,”

The prince let out a small laugh, so small that only you can hear it while he continues to dance with you and fool everyone for pretending that you’re having an innocent conversation.

“After what happened I can’t seem to forget how you purred beside my ear that night” he stared at you, holding your lower back to assist you more on the dance. “Your tight grips on my shoulders still ghosts my skin, how you say my name as if I am not a prince. But it came out from your mouth in a very sinful way because I am pleasuring you”

“I made those sounds, those sounds that you oh so loved because you knew what you’re doing in between my legs... Hendery” you said it as quietly as possible and smiled so innocently at your prince, feeling every turn and every step became closer than required. Bodies becoming warm in less than a minute that you even felt his skin became instantly hot.

“If you loved how I sound that night, well, I love how you pushed me behind that tree your grace... because I felt your manhood poke my thigh. And my my,” you shook your head from left to right and giggle beside his ear, then decided to stop teasing him and making him hornier than ever when you heard him clear his throat and see the blush on his face.

“The next time we are to be alone again, I want your lips to never leave mine, your body never be covered by layers and layers of silk, and always keep your body close to mine because next time, my fingers won’t be the only one going inside you”

The promise of a very sinful and lustful next time instantly made you feel hot and you feel like your dress is about to pop and your corset will give up in no time. But even though it sounded like it was all about lust, the promise of seeing each other alone again because he loves your presence made your heart swell with happiness and smile from ear to ear as he sways you slowly under a fading string quartet music from the background.

“I never want the song to end, I beg you, not as your prince but as Hendery, keep close to me. Please”

You didn’t want to ruin the moment and feel every note of that beautiful song come to an end. This time you’re no longer fooling anyone, you are simply showing that you adore each other in the middle of the dance floor with a sea of young people.

“Tell me, what else do you love your grace?” You asked him just before you part from the dance and bow.

“You. I love you”

Usually, when someone confesses their love to someone, positive reactions are expected from both persons. And when Hendery said it out of nowhere he wanted to take it back in an instant because it is not sincere and it is not true. Yet.

“Take it back, you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t love me” it was so hard to breathe at the moment. But you say it over and over again, very close to being mad but you can't make a scene “Please Hendery, take it back it’s not true and what you’re feeling is lust not love” you said sternly completely offending the prince with the truth.

“Alright, alright I take it back. I’m sorry, I’ll get you a glass of water. Come”

And so, the lovely night has ended earlier than expected. Hendery brought you home safely without a promise of seeing each other soon again.

Everything changed and it’s all because of lust.

March 2

To my dearest prince Hendery,

It’s been many days since the last time that we saw each other. Are you mad at me?

Word is spreading that you’re leaving the country for several weeks to attend an important meeting representing your mother. Is it true? Were you planning to tell me?

Please write back and meet me soon. I miss you.

Lady Y/n

After reading your letter and keeping it safe in his drawer, prince Hendery admitted to himself first that he misses you too, and that no he’s not mad at you. He’s just humiliated and he’s not yet ready to show his face.

It’s his mistake in the first place. He promised to offer you an escape, no more no less. “Unbelievable Hendery,” he murmurs to himself.

After a few days of self-pity and gathering his courage to face you again, he finally gave in to your request and meet you. He apologized while you two walk around town with his guards on the side, ate lunch at his favorite restaurant, and chat until your hearts are happy. Everything felt normal again, you can hear people starting to gossip about you and Hendery so you figured all is well between you and him.

“Tomorrow is my last night here, please accompany me. My mother insisted to host a ball, I told her no need but she still made preparations” he scoffed and finished the tea he’s drinking.

You didn’t want to ruin the mood and ruin the peace between you two but you have to tell him the truth, “Xiaojun- uh, asked me to accompany him and I accepted his offer,”

“Well, you could have said no. Didn’t you thought of me?” his voice was suddenly higher and stern. He wanted to shout at you but you don’t deserve that, you’re very much important to him so he won’t do that.

“I’m sorry my prince” you murmured and lowered your head.

“Don’t lower yourself for me. I think so highly of you, please” he reached for your hand kissed your knuckles, “It’s alright. My cousin is good company” he says, comforting you further.

When you and Hendery parted ways and while the prince is on his way home, he finally admitted to himself that he is jealous. Jealous because he knew you and his cousin Xiaojun used to like each other, and now he’s clueless if you still like each other.

He can’t eat properly and kept thinking if he should steal you from his cousin. He can’t sleep despite being so tired physically and kept thinking about how he’s not spending his last night here with you.

And when his last night in town comes, during the ball, Hendery is forcing himself to smile and greet his guests. Trying so hard not to look at you and his cousin Xiaojun for he doesn’t know if he can control himself from being jealous.

“Unaccompanied, huh?” Ten teases Hendery and looked around the place for you. Only to find out that you came with his cousin, “Ah... I see” Ten smirks and continues drinking his wine.

“I’m jealous so go ruin someone else's night-“

“No my friend, I’m here to rescue you,” he whispers and called someone from afar. “Prince Hendery I want you to meet my cousin Lady Lisa,” the beautiful lady bowed to the prince to give respect, complimented the prince, and soon earned his attention and invited her to dance.

Of course, a royal attraction such as Hendery with a different woman in the dance floor can awaken the gossipers in an instant. But it's not the gossipers that irritate you the most. It’s her giggles, Hendery’s hold on her waist, his beautiful smile when he talks to her-

“Are you alright dearest?” Xiaojun whispers, completely bringing you back to reality. You breathed in deeply and exhaled sharply before drinking your wine in one go.

“Excuse me for a moment, I need air and privacy” you request from the gentleman in front of you. Nodding with a lot of questions in his mind, Xiaojun did not even dare to stop you.

And away you go to the palace gardens to breathe and let out your jealousy. Breathing deeply over and over again, wishing to be separated from the corset that’s suffocating you. Until you finally calmed down and had the need to admire the stars in the sky and listen to the distant chatters from the ball.

“Did my cousin offended you? Violated you perhaps? Are you hurt?”

Hendery came out looking for you immediately when he did not see you by his cousin’s side. He knew that this is the only place you will go to breathe because this is where he first met you.

“No no, I’m fine. Your cousin is a gentleman like you, I just needed some fresh air. Go back to your guests” you shoo him away and suddenly you feel suffocated again.

“I care only about one guest. And she’s standing in front of me right now” Hendery says boldly, walking towards you and pulled you close by the waist and kissed you. Motioning you deeper into the gardens to hide while you share a heated kiss that’s saying, ‘we belong to each other’.

Soon the heated kiss becomes rougher while the prince’s hands roam freely around your body, undoing your dress, trying to free you from this tight corset, and said, “Make love to me tonight”

There was no sign of authority in what he said, you’re sure that it’s not a command from your prince, his voice was serious but full of love and passion. And that’s why you agreed, nod your head and kiss him again, and felt his charming smile in between the kiss.

Not even a single soul from the guests knew that he sneaked you to his bedroom again, dismissed the guards before shutting the door close and locking it.

The room was dark and cold and only the moonlight and the lights from the outside illuminates his room. But when his lips touched your skin again, suddenly it became hot and you feel weak while Hendery is the opposite because you noticed he’s full of energy and burning passion.

“Lie in bed,” he says sweetly but his actions say otherwise for he pushed you, hovers you, and continue removing your clothes. X by X he loosens your corset until you’re finally free and you’re all exposed in front of him. “Better?” He asks and you nod shyly.

When he proceeds to remove his clothes next, it is as if your shyness faded when you saw Hendery’s body in the dark but everything seems clear to you even with minimal light. “Can I spread your legs?” he asks, caressing your knee while he lies beside you and waiting for your consent.

Slowly and gently, he parted your legs and hovers you again, hands exploring around your body without barriers of cloth, kneading your breast while kissing your neck as you listen to him breathe and moan. And when his hands continue to explore your inner thighs, a sharp gasp escaped from your mouth and you spread your legs wider. This time, it’s your turn to feel his naked body and explore it with your hands. Feeling every muscle tighten whenever he makes you moan accidentally.

Then he stopped. Came closer to you until you’re bodies to bodies and his forehead rests on your temple.

You know exactly what’s going to happen next. You knew that it will hurt, and it did but you asked for more, begged rather. You see his handsome face contort when he finally pushed inside you, loving your tight walls, moaning like a mad man. He lifts both of your hand at the top of your head and witness him look at you with eyes full of lust that watches your breasts bounce up and down for every thrust he gives you.

For someone who’s inexperienced like your prince, he surely knew what he was doing. Folding your legs and pushing them closer to your chest so he could thrust deeper. Even he surprises himself.

With quick thrusts, filthy words here and there, and deeper kisses you finally reached your euphoria and moaned his name again. Something he oh so loved hearing and that made him lose his mind and let go. Pulled out immediately and shoots his cum on the sheet, while grunting and moaning so loud that you didn’t even know he’s capable of making such sounds.

When he’s finally calm and has enough energy to move, he gathered the ruined sheets, threw them on the floor, and covered you with the thicker ones. “What happened was special, don’t you think?” He asks and joined you under the thick sheets and kept you close to his still exposed body.

“Special indeed,” you said and reached for his lips to plant a soft kiss.

Now you know that you do have feelings for him.

“I want you to take this, as a promise that I will soon be home” you watch him remove his silver necklace and transfer it around your neck, leaving sweet kisses on your shoulders before pulls away. He promised to come home soon so he can replace the necklace with something even more expensive when he gets back. “Oh I wish to see you more like this wearing nothing but my necklace”

“Then don’t go. Stay here, the world will not go into war if you chose to stay” He smiles so sweetly at you, happy that you’re on the same page.

“Just for a couple of weeks, my love” he says and kissed your hand many times.

“So we're in love, huh?” You tease him.

He scoffed and looked deeply into your eyes, “I think we started being in love on the night first met. We were too young to think about love but I know we loved each other for years now”

And just like that, after years and years of going against your mother, you’re finally defeated because what Hendery said is true.

On the next morning, you and your prince spend the whole morning making love quietly and making sure that your time left with each other is not wasted. Exploring each other’s bodies further and diving headfirst to lust.

“Please “ you giggle quietly, covering your mouth as you moan with every flick of his tongue on your clit. You both came several times now and you feel so weak already in the middle of the morning. “You need to prepare,” you reminded him before he starts again and asks for one last. Finally, you feel him spread kisses on your body all the way up until his head appears from the thick sheets.

When the time of parting has finally come, he put you on a carriage first before he leaves. “You’re going to be a great king” and he wishes for you to be beside him always and forever. “Safe travels, my love. Write to me every day” you whisper to him and kiss him before you go inside the carriage.

“Expect love letters from now on. I’ll be home soon, think of me always” he says and kissed you goodbye.

The promise of receiving love letters from Hendery every day was kept. You read them in the morning when you wake up and at night before you sleep. Smiling like a fool and giggling alone as you remember his sweet words and miss him even more.

This has been yet your happiest time with Hendery. Although you’re not together physically, but through the continuous exchanges of love letters, your hearts felt closer than before. And you find it amazing because being oceans apart from each other should be hard and heartbreaking but no, your words and his words give comfort to your hearts.

March 10

To my love who’s oceans apart from me,

My heart longs for you and I miss your presence.

The country is treating me well with their good hospitality and pays high respect to my mother the queen. It feels like I’m on vacation rather than an important royal matter.

It’s morning here and I’m sitting by the beautiful garden with beautiful flowers as I write this letter and think of you. Now that it’s clear that we are deeply in love, I realized that I am in love with my best friend and the mere thought of it makes me blush and makes me smile naturally.

I think of you every second my love, imagining you reading a book in front of me or sleeping right beside me in my huge bed. I want to wake up and see your smile first thing in the morning or feel your warmth for as long as I want. But let us not worry for time will pass by so fast and we will be together again.

When I get back, we should have more picnics, share longer kisses, make love every night. Let us never let go of each other.

I love you.

Hendery

March 15

To my loving prince,

My heart aches for you too but your words give great comfort to my heart. This distance between us is nothing compared to our patience.

I am more than glad that the country is treating you well. Tell me everything you do there, I miss your stories. You’re going to be a great king and I wish you won’t forget to take care of yourself there. Eat plenty and rest when needed. My heart won’t take it if you get sick or become tired.

As promised, I always think of you too. My head is so full of you that you visit me in my dreams more often than usual. And I too my prince, want to see your charming smile in the morning and even at night.

Stretch your patience more my love. When you get back, I will never leave your side. But for now, I am happily and patiently waiting for your return.

I love you.

From the woman you love who’s oceans apart from you.

And for days and days of being apart, you and Hendery exchanged love letters and make each other smile through the paper. You tell him stories and gossips from home and he tells you stories and gossips from the country he’s staying.

“My prince, I brought bad news” The voice of his royal guard disturbed his peace while reading one of your letters. “How dare you ruin my peace, what now?” he says, still smiling from the letter he’s reading.

“Your stay here is extended, my prince” the royal guard informed him and did not dare to look his prince in the eye for he knew it will make him angry. “Your presence is requested at a royal gathering that your mother can’t attend to” he added.

And right then and there, Hendery thought about you and wanted to tell you the news immediately. He wrote as fast as he could and told his guard to send the letter immediately for Hendery was scared and disappointed with himself to give you false hope.

April 30

My dearest prince whom I love,

I waited for your arrival but you did not come. For days I was worried and could not eat or sleep well and all I did was think of you. Pray that you’re safe and wait patiently for you.

But now that I have received your letter I can finally stop worrying and stop imagining unpleasant scenarios. How are you?

I miss you terribly.

Y/n

May 20

My love,

Thank you for understanding further.

My purpose and responsibility here are becoming more tiring each day that passes but the promise of seeing you once I’m done here is the only thought that gives me energy.

Unpleasant scenarios? Imagine only me showering you with love, imagine us strolling across town and shock the gossipers and silence them once and for all when we finally announce our relationship.

Think only happy thoughts, my love, I will be with you soon.

I love you.

Hendery.

And that is the last letter you received from him for the month of May.

Hendery was told that someone is plotting to assassinate him and for his own safety, he has to leave the country secretly and go to a country where no one knew he is there. Even you.

For your own safety, Prince Hendery stopped writing you letters for the assassins can and might track you because of him. He will not forgive himself if you are to be tracked and hurt by an assassin because of a love letter.

Little did you know that he did not send his last letter on the 20th of May, and a very heartfelt love letter is on its way to you.

“A normal mail? For me? Not from the royal mail?” the mailman nods and hands you the letter.

“Put it on the basket together with the normal mails dear,” your mother said. Oh this house completely has no care about any other letter unless it’s sealed by the royals.

As weeks and months pass by quickly, you continue to wait for a letter from Hendery, and continue to wait for his arrival. But sadness had you by the neck that whenever you think about Hendery your heart will suddenly hurt and tears will automatically fall from your eyes.

Waiting is a long suffering and you understand that well before you decided to love Hendery. You knew what you signed up for… but you did not expect that it will hurt like hell while waiting for someone. It’s like waiting for a ghost to come back, you feel hopeless.

But even though you’re hurting so much, you grew more desperate to hear anything from him that you asked for his cousin Xiaojun’s help. Still, your efforts are wasted. And you’re reminded why you didn’t want to pursue your love with Hendery in the first place. “The pain that I’m feeling right now will double once he is crowned king, I’m sure of it. Is it wrong for me to ask for the man that I love? Why am I being punished?” you cry your heart out in Xiaojun’s arms, keeping you safe while he listens to what pains you and try so hard to provide comfort.

But just as you thought that you couldn't be any sadder, you are wrong. Now that everyone is expecting you to marry soon to save your family and fix the financial problem, sadder days continue to happen in your life.

“Stop your nonsense now young lady, you will marry prince Xiaojun and live with him in a new country. Stop humiliating your family and stop waiting for the crowned prince to come back. He may be all wedded and bedded by this time while you, you’re becoming even more miserable”

And that is the reason why you agreed to marry prince Xiaojun.

YEARS LATER

One night at the queen’s ball, you found yourself alone and looking at the stars again on the exact place you and Hendery first met. Breathing in, breathing out, and closing your eyes as you clear your mind and think about Hendery.

“What are you thinking about?”

You hear someone ask you from behind, you’re not sure who he is because your eyes are still closed but it can only be Xiaojun because he’s the one who knew where to find you.

But perhaps no. There’s another man who always knew where to find you even without telling him.

“Open your eyes my love, I’m home”

You turned around in an instant, looked at his face, and suddenly tears started to fall from your eyes, you can’t move and all you can do is cry. You have so many questions to him, so many sincere words left unsaid, but all you said right now is, “are you real? Or my mind is betraying me once again?”

“I am very much real,” Hendery says and gave you a tight hug, lifting you off the ground and kissing you as many as he pleases to make up for last time.

“I don’t understand, why did you leave me like that?”

“Didn’t you receive my letter?” he asks, wondering why are you so clueless when he is completely sure he told you everything. “Maybe it never reached you, I’m sorry. But now I’m back, come now let’s announce our love to my mother and ask for her blessing so we could marry soon” he was very excited but you are not.

How can you be excited? You’re already married.

Is it possible for a person to leave you and come back many years later then suddenly asked he wants to marry you as if you did not suffer greatly from waiting and being sad for months?

You remove your hand from his tight grasp and saw the ring. Now, everything is clear to him but he is very angry.

“Please don’t be mad-“ you begged.

“How could you- If only that letter reached to you, then you will know why I’m very mad right now!” He shouted at you, face turning red, eyes with tears on the side. “We were separated for years, give me a chance. Please come back to me. You told me you love me”

“And you told me you will come home! But they were only words, Hendery. And I do love you, still love you but I have a duty for my family and you have a duty for your country” He refuses to listen but you knew he needed to know the truth from you, “Please understand that you were gone for years, and I was arranged to be married to Xiaojun. I said no to Xiaojun for as long as I could, hurting him over and over again because I was waiting for you like a fool. Love someone with a strong heart, whose love is unconditional. Not like me. I can't turn my back on Xiaojun just because you're back”

"But you turned your back on me, just because I was away"

"I waited!" you shouted frustratingly back at him.

“Are you happy with him? Do you love him?”

Slowly you walked towards him to dry his tears with your hand and he’s quick to catch it kiss it before he finally lets you go.

“I am happy and no, I don’t love him but he loves me”

He nods his head slowly. Heartbroken and afraid to let go but what can he do now?

“Before I let you go, I want to let you know that... I asked you to marry me too. The man you love still asked you to marry him” he hugged you once again so you won’t see him cry because he doesn’t want you to remember him like this. “Why must our love should end tragically? I am not close to being happy but it’s good to know that you are”

He dries his tears and tried to stop crying for a moment so he can say his goodbye properly. “Go back to my cousin he must be waiting for you now. I will stay here, I will be fine. Go, it’s getting cold”

When you gave him what he asked you to do, he turned around and did not watch you leave for he doesn’t want to see you walking away from him.

Love is sacrifice and he understands that all too well now.

May 27

Dear Y/n,

This letter will reach to weeks or maybe months after I send it through a normal mail. I am being hunted down in this country that I’m staying and I have to hide and leave secretly with my guards for my own protection.

The assassins can track me through the royal mail and can use you as bait to find me. I will never forgive myself if that is to happen. I know you understand my situation right now because that’s how much you love me, let’s extend our patience together and meet when it’s safe. I am sorry my love but this is the only way.

But enough about the bad news. Last night I had the most beautiful dream because you’re in it and we are living peacefully in a country away from my responsibilities. The dream was short but it made me imagine a life with you and gave me the courage to ask your hand in marriage.

Will you marry me, when I get home?

I promise to be a good and loving husband while being a king and fulfilling my duties. I promise to never be away when you need me for I know that family is very important to you.

In the morning when you wake up and until you close your eyes to rest at night, I am going to be your husband and not your king.

I love you. Wait for me to get home safe and you will be loved by the man you love.

Hendery

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #kpopscape #cznnet #neosmutcollective #kwritersworldnet #kdiner #nct smut #wayv smut #hendery #hendery smut #hendery x reader #nct x reader #wayv x reader #hendery fluff #hendery angst #wayv angst #wayv fluff

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startanewdream · 4 years ago

Text

Light beam

‘Dad, hypothetically… what would you have done if Mum was Sirius’ sister?’

Lily notices it first, Harry pines and James cheers.

(AKA the Jily Lives AU discussing Hinny, for @sweeethinny and @isidar-mithrim)

Read on AO3 or all below the cut:

__________________________

It’s getting late when James apparates at the Burrow, feeling tired. He had spent all week immersed in old tomes across Europe’s oldest libraries, reading lost scrolls of magic theory - Dumbledore asked him to study heavy curse breaks, for whatever reason -, while Lily was away in the strangest Order mission he’d ever heard of: tracking down their old Potions teacher, so Old Slughorn could return to Hogwarts that year. He doesn’t know why this is important, but then again Dumbledore has been more mysterious than usual lately.

James can’t care about it now; all he wants is to go back to their house, to Lily and Harry, and enjoy some part of Harry’s summer holiday with them.

Especially after everything that had happened in June.

But ever since Voldemort had been out in the open again, the number of Order missions had increased. James can’t complain - as long as the Order is doing their job, as long as he is in the field doing what needs to be done, Harry doesn’t need to be involved, and they can pretend there is no prophecy hanging around Harry’s shoulder, carrying the weight of the world with it.

Harry had been quiet and thoughtful since returning from school, and James hopes these last days at the Burrow had helped ease some of his worries; or, at least, that his humour had been better than last summer.

Molly greets him with a warm smile (after making sure they pass each other’s secret code because these are dark times) and points him to her orchard.

‘They’ve been playing Quidditch all day’, she explains amused, offering him a tea in her kitchen. ‘All week, actually. If I would let them, I don’t think they would even return for dining’.

‘Ron would’, James says teasingly, and Molly laughs, agreeing. ‘So… I take everything is fine?’

‘Harry’s been nice, James’, she assures him. ‘He’s been eating all right and talking and… recovering, I guess. But, yes, he seems fine. Like -’

‘A normal teenager?’

She nods.

‘Your son is a good boy’, Molly says fondly, looking outside the window even though they can’t see them out there. ‘You and Lily raised a fine young man. He deserves some peace’.

James sighs.

‘It’s all I wish for him’.

‘You can let him come here all summer if you want’, she adds. ‘We’ve given the highest security protection there is, and here I can keep an eye on him too while you and Lily are out. Harry will enjoy being with Ron and Hermione’. Molly pauses briefly. ‘And with Ginny’.

‘I will talk to Lily’, James says. ‘But I don’t want to bother you or Arthur -’

‘You won’t’, Molly affirms. ‘In fact, don’t you want to stay for dinner?’

‘Lily will be finally home tonight, Molly, but I will accept on another occasion. I will just collect Harry now’.

She smiles. ‘Just follow the sound’, she says, indicating the pathway leaving her kitchen door.

James nods in goodbye and he leaves the illuminated kitchen. The sun is setting, so the pathway is dark, but ahead he can see someone has lighted a blue bonfire; as promised, he hears them even before he sees them.

‘We aren’t really hurting them’, he hears Ron saying, his voice sounding both exasperated and fond, and James knows he is speaking with Hermione.

‘Still, there has to be a better way of keeping gnomes away’.

‘We can always make Crookshanks chase them away. He seems to enjoy it’.

‘He wants to eat them -’

‘Well, it’s that or throwing them away, so -’

James gets closer, stopping just right before the bonfire can illuminate him, enjoying the view. Harry, Ron and Hermione are around the fire, sitting on logs, and while Ron and Hermione are locked in one of their heated discussions - about gnomes, he supposes, but it never took much to get them started -, Harry is quiet, his back for them actually, evidently not being a part of their discussion. For a moment, James thinks this is a bad sign - that Harry is in one of his reflective moods - until he notices Harry is not really brooding.

He is looking up at the sky, where the dark shadow of Ginny flying can be seen cut across the sunset sky. Ginny is making some nice movements - training loops and mid-turn stops - that James will have to remember to praise her later, but right now his eyes are fixed on Harry’s face.

Harry looks… serene? It is not the right word, but James thinks he has never seen that expression on Harry before. He looks simultaneously at ease and amused and fascinated; he looks like his mind is miles away, but still, his eyes don’t miss any move Ginny makes as if he could watch her flying for hours.

And he is smiling like… again, James can’t put his finger on it, can’t name that smile, but he knows he has already seen it before, and not on Harry’s face. Not even on his own - for all the similarities between him and Harry, it is not a smile James has seen in the mirror before. Where then?

It looks so familiar...

Harry suddenly raises, and when James follows the direction of his look, he sees Ginny is making a sudden dive, straight towards the ground. Harry looks ready to bolt towards her, but Ginny straightens her broom and lands smoothly, with an infectious grin on her lips. She had been laughing during her dive.

‘Wronski Feint?’, he hears Harry asking teasingly, as he approaches her. ‘What do you think you are, a Seeker?’

‘Well’, Ginny seems deep in thought, considering his question, but James can hear the same tease in her voice. ‘Last time I checked, yes, I was one’.

‘What happened to only playing Seeker while I was out?’

‘Maybe I enjoyed doing nothing all match. Guess I will see you on tryouts’.

‘Good luck with that’, Harry smirks. ‘I’ll let you know the captain favours me’.

‘Aren’t you the captain?’, Ginny asks, giving him a sly smile. ‘Merlin, they make anyone captain these days’.

‘Watch out’, he warns her, his voice dropping amusement. ‘Or the captain won’t call you’.

‘And lose the Quidditch Cup because he dare to forgo his best Chaser? He wouldn’t’.

‘He wouldn’t’, Harry agrees warmly. ‘As long as such Chaser stays in the Chaser position’.

Ginny laughs.

‘That’s all this Chaser wants’, she assures him, her voice as playful as his. ‘Just try to play all games for once, ok? No visits to the Hospital Wing or getting banished again’.

‘It wouldn’t be a normal year for me if nothing happened’, Harry notes, shrugging.

Ginny sighs.

‘Guess I will keep training that Wronski Feint then. Someone has to win the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor’.

‘With all the guidance of your captain, it should be easy’, he says, once more grinning happily, all negativity gone. ‘Of course, your Feint needs more improvement -’

‘Improvement?’, she scoffs, and James notes that all her indignation is softened by the fact Ginny is still smiling. ‘That movement would make any decent Seeker fall for it -’

‘I wouldn’t fall’.

‘I said decent Seekers, Potter’.

‘Oh, you are so on, Weasley’, Harry challenges, his eyes shining. ‘Let out the Golden Snitch, we will see who falls for who -’

‘Mr. Potter!’, there is a high shriek and James turns around just as Harry and Ginny look at him, finally noticing him at the edge of the meadow they are. Hermione is up on her feet, her eyes going from James to the bonfire and James has a pretty good idea of who cast the magical fire. ‘We were just -’

‘I am glad Molly lighted the fire for you’, he says dismissively, winking at Hermione, giving her a perfectly reasonable excuse for a bit of underage magic. ‘It is charmed to keep flies away, I hope’.

‘Dad!’, Harry cries, looking glad to see him. ‘You took long, I thought you’d stay in Germany forever’.

‘So dramatic, I wonder who you took that from’, James jokes. ‘Just arrived to take you home’.

‘Ah. Sure’.

That is not the reaction James hoped for. Harry always seemed happy returning home, his favourite place on Earth - but then again, James supposes, their house is so protected lately that Harry would be left alone there, unable to communicate with his friends by owl and most of the time alone, since James and Lily are working over the clock for the Order.

And there would be no Ron and Hermione there.

And no Ginny, he thinks, when he sees Harry glancing briefly in her direction, his shoulder slumped.

‘Molly offered for you to stay here during the day for the Summer’, he says, seeing a bright hope shining on Harry’s eyes at his words. ‘Why don’t I drop you here early and come to pick you in the evening?’

‘Weasley Daycare?’, Ginny pops in, grinning, and Harry turns to her with a mischievous smile already on his lips.

‘Someone needs to take care of you’, he says, and James thinks he isn’t really talking about Ron and Hermione. ‘Maybe even give flying lessons’.

‘I hope you don’t mind picking up pieces of your son, Mr. Potter’, Ginny says, winking at James. ‘He is going to be crushed tomorrow’.

Harry laughs, and it’s a sound so fresh and pure, that James laughs together.

They say their goodbyes and, as he and Harry are on the pathway to the apparition point, James keeps throwing glances in his direction.

That mysterious smile is once more on Harry’s lips, and James wishes he could remember where he has seen the same smile before.

He thinks of what he saw before between Harry and his friends - no, not all his friends. One in particular. Could it be…? James always thought they were a good match - certainly, their interactions in the past have shown all their potential -, and they seemed really friendly a few minutes ago, but he remembers how Harry was when he would talk about Cho Chang.

Nervous and red and sweating.

He looks the opposite of it now, really.

‘So, what was that?’, he asks, trying to understand his son. Harry blinks, surprised.

‘What?’

‘You and Ginny. You were… bantering’.

‘That was not banter’, Harry disagrees, laughing easily. ‘We were just talking’.

‘And teasing each other’.

Harry shrugs, unconcerned. James almost asks him directly what is really going on between them, but after a second he gives up. Maybe he is seeing things where there aren’t - Harry would tell him if there was something to tell.

But, still, that inexplicable smile keeps turning up afterwards, when they are dining and Harry is happily retelling his adventures from his days at the Burrow, talking about their Quidditch plays and throwing-gnomes contests and how he and Ginny were laughing about Bill and Fleur’s relationship and teasing Ron. James can’t help but notice Ginny’s name is mentioned most of the time.

Lily, who seems to as tired as James feels after a week away from home, is looking at Harry with an amused expression on her face as if she is watching for the first time a movie that will soon be her favourite.

‘Harry seems to have had a great time at the Burrow’, Lily says cryptically, as they are getting ready for bed. ‘I’m glad he will be there more’.

‘Yeah… did you notice something weird about him?’

‘Weird?’, she laughs to herself. ‘Different, maybe, but not weird’.

James looks at the smirk on her face.

‘You know what’s going on with him’, he accuses.

‘I was surprised you didn’t catch… But then again you didn’t notice the first time too’.

‘Lily - all this suspense is killing me. Harry is smiling like that all night and I can’t put my finger where I’ve seen it before -’

‘Come on, James, you know our son and me better than anyone. You really have no idea what is happening?’

He shakes his head, and she laughs again before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

‘Do you know how everyone says Harry looks just like you?’

‘Except for your eyes’.

‘And his smile’, she adds. ‘Harry’s got your lips, maybe, but his smile is all mine’.

‘So?’

‘So this Harry’s new smile is not new at all. If you weren’t so certain I wasn’t going to ever fancy you back, you would see that I beamed like that for you for a whole year before we went out together for the first time’.

‘Oh’.

‘Dorcas and Lene used to tease me all the time for being so oblivious to you - and they were right, it took me a long time of admiring you and pining after you to realize I fancied you a lot’.

‘Oh, so that means -’

‘That means Harry is still as oblivious as I was, so don’t interfere, James’, Lily adds, looking knowingly at him.

‘But -’

‘No prying. Let him find out in his own time. When he comes to talk to you, then you can gush all over like you want’.

‘That could take months!’, James complains, moping.

‘Don’t take that away from him’, she asks, laying down by his side. ‘Let him be a normal boy falling in love for the first time. It worked out for us, didn’t it?’

James sighs.

‘Well, Harry is much better than I was. Hopefully, it won’t take long’.

_____________________________

Harry doesn’t say anything for the rest of the Summer, even though, now James is looking at the signs, he sees it is really obvious how Harry’s eyes seem to shine brighter when Ginny is around, how he always looks for her the first time he enters in a room and how he seems to request her presence in everything he is in.

Lily says he can’t fault Harry for being clueless, reminding him that James had once been surprised when Lily had actually accepted his invitation for going out with him (‘I changed all our patrol rounds so we could always be together, James, and I kept finding reasons to touch you, how much more oblivious can a girl be?’), but James doubts he took that long to notice Lily’s feelings for him. And it’s his own feelings Harry has to notice - how much time can that take?

Still, time passes by and Harry starts his Sixth Year at Hogwarts without any mention of his growing feelings. His letters don’t say anything different, and James is almost giving up on his son ever realizing he actually fancies Ginny when they return home for Christmas.

And, by Merlin, it is suddenly so clear that Harry is pining after her that he doesn’t know how other people don’t notice it too. Harry actually sighs - a heavy, deep-from-the-chest sigh - when Ginny makes a silly joke and dances around him, his eyes following her with unquestionable longing.

He remembers Harry telling him how we went with Luna for Slughorn’s party - just as friends - and his confession that girls seemed more interest in him than usual, and James thinks all those girls are losing their time. Harry’s heart clearly belongs to someone else already.

The only thing James doesn’t get it is why Harry is pining instead of doing something about it.

As much as amused as Lily seems to be by the situation, she still forbids James of saying anything before Harry does, so James forces himself to press his lips for most of the Christmas holiday, watching his son stealing glances at Ginny like she is the only Golden Snitch he couldn’t ever catch.

Then, finally, Harry knows his father knows. It’s because of something silly, really: they are all together on Christmas morning at the Burrow, when Ginny says brightly:

‘Harry! You’ve got a maggot in your hair’, and then, as she picks it up, Harry reddens slightly and shivers at the same time. It’s rather adorable, James thinks, and he can’t help but smirk as his eyes meet Harry’s, which only makes his son flush even more, caught is his body admission that he is attracted to Ginny Weasley.

Fortunately for Harry - or not - there is a distraction in the shape of the Minister of Magic and the matter is dropped in all that happens and in the delight James feels as he watches Harry walking straight with Scrimgeour, refusing to accept being the poster boy for politics he doesn’t agree with.

Sometimes, more than others, James feels he and Lily did raise Harry very well. His heart bursts of pride for his son.

Harry is quiet when they return to their house for the night, accepting in silence the tea James offers him, and James thinks he must have a lot on his mind, with all the Minister proposed him and all Harry has been learning with Dumbledore - which the headmaster promised James and Lily it was important, even though he couldn’t share its contents with them…

‘Dad?’, Harry asks in a very soft voice. ‘Can I ask your opinion about something?’

James nods, thinking it’s strange for Harry to be so formal.

Harry glances around, to confirm they are alone in the Potter’s living room, before asking:

‘Just say it, hypothetically… what would you have done if Mum was Sirius’ sister?’

James blinks. There is a list of things Harry could ask him, a list of things that could worry him, but this…

He grins without being able to control it, and Harry sees it.

‘Oh, forget it’, he says, crossing his arms and looking very much like Lily when she is annoyed.

‘Sorry, Harry, I wasn’t -’, James fights back another smile, trying to look reassuringly at his son. ‘I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. With everything that is happening, it’s nice seeing you worry about something so normal’.

Harry frowns.

‘It is not normal’, he murmurs.

‘Fancying your best friend’s sister? It kind of is’.

He can see Harry’s face heating up again, but Harry doesn’t deny fancying Ginny.

‘It doesn’t feel normal’, Harry says, with a heavy sigh. ‘It feels like I am betraying Ron or something -’

‘Take from a guy who has actually been betrayed by a close friend, Harry, this is not betrayal’, James assures him. ‘Do you just want to mess her around?’

‘No!’, Harry seems appalled by the idea. ‘I actually like her, but…’, he bits his lips just as Lily does when she is nervous. ‘Ron caught Ginny and her boyfriend a while ago together, and… and he was so mad that I keep thinking - if Ginny was with me there instead, he would hate me too…’

‘Ginny is dating someone else?’, he asks, surprised. He had never heard Ginny mentioning anyone.

‘Yeah’, Harry looks dejected. ‘Dean. He is nice, I suppose, and he can draw so well… Sirius always told me girls like artistic boys’.

‘Well’, James tries to joke. ‘You are the Chosen One’.

‘Big deal’, Harry answers, clearly thinking he is misqualified as boyfriend material. ‘It is not like I have worked for it’.

‘You play Quidditch’.

‘He is in the team too’, Harry points out, gloomy. ‘You said you and Mum dated other people when you were younger?’

‘Yeah’.

‘How… how did you deal with it?’

James shrugs.

‘I don’t know if I can tell you exactly, Harry. It’s been so long ago that any jealousy I felt then doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I just remember hating it, of course, and wishing it would be me. But also -’

‘You wanted her to be happy too’, Harry finishes for him, with a sigh. James gives him a sympathetic look.

‘You can’t meddle with her relationship, Harry. If she really likes her boyfriend, then there is nothing you can do. And if not… these things crumble with time. Like you and Cho’.

‘That was not really a relationship’, Harry disagrees but he nods. ‘I guess I just have to wait then’.

‘And when it ends, that doesn’t really change your situation’, reminds James. ‘Ginny will still be Ron’s sister. What will you do then?’

Harry looks at the fireplace, without answering, and James can read easily his intern conflict.

‘You and Ron have been friends for a long time, Harry’, says James slowly. ‘I think that means he trusts you, including to be a good boyfriend to his only sister. But unless you talk to him first -’

Harry throws him an alarmed look.

‘Yeah, I think it’s a bad idea’, James notes, grinning. ‘Ginny would hex you if she knew you were asking for permission from any of her brothers’.

That makes Harry laugh.

‘She would’, he agrees, his voice full of tenderness as if he loves the fact that Ginny would really hex him without hesitation.

Oh, Merlin, Harry has really fallen.

‘Well, then, you are going to take a leap of faith on this. You know, for once do that thing where you act first think later for a good reason’.

‘It’s easier facing Voldemort’, Harry says, only half-playful.

‘I can’t really say, I’ve only done one of them’, points James in the same voice. ‘But I really think Sirius would have been happy for me if Lily was his sister’.

Harry nods in silence, lost in his thoughts, until finally, he smiles at James.

‘I will keep that in mind, Dad. Thanks’.

James waves dismissively. ‘No problem. Just promise to keep me updated, ok? Your mum and I have placed our bets’.

Harry blinks.

‘Mum knows?’

‘No offence, Harry, but I am surprised people don’t know. You’ve been pining all over Ginny since summer break’.

‘I wasn’t -’, their eyes meet and Harry blinks, unsure. ‘I was?’

James nods solemnly. Harry shakes his head.

‘At least tell me you bet in my favour’, he asks, and James laughs.

‘We wouldn’t dare bet against you’, he promises, and he doesn’t add that he feels Harry wasn’t really the only one whose feelings have grown up during summer.

But that is for Harry to discover eventually, with a little bit of luck.

___________________________________________

Harry is beaming.

It is not that James has never seen Harry happy before; he was a cheerful child, and even with things getting darker lately, there have been good cheery moments.

But Harry is positively beaming, his mother’s green eyes shining with bliss and a bit of amazement as if he can’t believe he gets to be this happy. There is something weirdly familiar about that smile, though, and James wonders where he has seen it before.

‘Hi, Dad!’, he begins, and his smile is so bright that James is surprised the whole room isn’t alighted by it.

‘Hello, son’, he says slowly, trying to understand what made Harry call him early in the Sunday morning in their two-way mirror.

As far as James knows, ever since the last time he talked with Harry - and it had been a tense conversation when Harry had confessed using an unknow dark spell on the Malfoy boy -, nothing could have happened to leave Harry in such high spirit. There was the final Quidditch match the day before, the one Harry hadn’t been allowed to play - maybe Gryffindor had won? That still wouldn’t explain his exceptional good mood or the early call, though…

‘We won’, Harry says, almost like if he is reading James’ mind. ‘Over three hundred points, just as we needed it. Ginny caught the Snitch’.

Harry smiles even more than it’s humanly possible as he mentions Ginny, and James has suddenly a vision of himself twenty years ago, entering hurriedly the men’s bathroom on the Three Broomsticks, throwing water over his face to confirm he wasn’t dreaming.

He had been really awake then, still with that lingering feeling of Lily Evans’ lips over his, and he realized that it all had been real - his date with Lily, her confession that she definitely fancied him and their first kiss - until James was left facing his own reflection in the mirror as if it belonged to someone else - someone that was happy beyond words, someone that couldn’t believe everything that had happened. He had been beaming then.

Just like Harry is now.

Harry’s pining smile may be Lily’s, but Harry’s in love smile is all James’.

‘Oh, Merlin, it happened’, he cries, resisting the urge to dance with the mirror in his hand. ‘Tell me everything!’

‘We are dating’, Harry admits, the satisfaction clear in his voice. ‘I did my thing’.

‘What is your thing? If it’s a weird teenage thing -’

‘That act first, think later thing’, Harry says, laughing. ‘I returned to the Common Room and we had won - Ginny had won for us - and she was running towards me and she looked so amazing and she had this blazing look -’

‘You snogged her in front of the entire Gryffindor House?’, James asks, and Harry nods, not looking remotely ashamed. ‘I am so proud of you’.

Harry lets out another happy giggle. It’s the most carefree laugh James has heard in a long time.

‘It wasn’t planned, it just… happened. And -’, Harry’s smile softens a little. ‘Ron was really happy for us’.

‘Of course he was’.

‘He did warn me to not, you know, break her heart or anything, but it’s fair’. Harry looks resolute. ‘I won’t. Break her heart, I mean’.

‘Good, because you are going to answer to me too if you hurt her’.

‘I think Ginny could handle herself’, Harry points out fondly, undisturbed by his father’s warning. ‘And I just want to make her as happy as I feel’. He pauses, as if to gather his thoughts, and when he talks again, it looks like Harry is talking to himself. ‘It’s been a long time since I felt like this… normal, I mean. People were talking about us last night at dinner, but I just couldn’t care less for once, you know? All I could think was that I was just so lucky that Ginny happened to fancy me back and that she agreed to date me… It is like I have this Patronus with me all the time now’.

James smiles.

‘I’m so happy for you two, Harry. You once asked me how I felt about your mother - well, it started like that’.

‘Dad, we’ve been dating for a day, take it easy’.

‘I will uphold planning the wedding’, James promises solemnly, making Harry blush and roll his eyes.

‘As if you don’t have everything sorted out already’, Harry scoffs, but his voice sounds more amused than anything. ‘Well, I have to go. I promised I would meet her for breakfast’.

‘Then go, don’t let your girlfriend waiting’.

‘Girlfriend’, Harry repeats, seeming to savor the word. ‘See you later, Dad -’

‘Actually, Harry, one thing before you go. Who made the first move?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You kissed her, or did she kiss you?’

Harry looks thoughtfully.

‘I think it was me, but since she was coming towards me... Does it make a difference?’

‘It does for us. That’s what your mum and I bet about’

Harry chuckles again.

‘Let me guess, you bet on Ginny’.

‘It’s not that I don’t trust you, son -’

‘That’s okay, I would bet on her too’, Harry assures. ‘I will discuss this later with her’.

‘Oh, “discuss”, is that how you say snogging nowadays?’

‘I said later, not that it’s all we would do’, Harry ponders, shameless. ‘Now I really gotta go. Don’t want to leave her waiting for me’.

‘Go on’, James says, watching the mirror flicker and show his own smiling face.

He is still grinning when he returns to the bed and kisses the top of Lily’s head as she rolls to hug him.

‘What was it?’, she asks lazily.

‘Oh, nothing unusual. Just our son finally kissing Ginny’.

‘What?’, Lily jumps, suddenly waken. ‘Tell me everything!’

#Eyes glistening #Jily lives #Hinny #Harry and Ginny #James Potter #Lily Potter #Jily supports Hinny #t: fanfiction

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smoochkooks · 4 years ago

Text

—lost stars, part 2 (m.)

⟶ pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

⟶ genre: smut, angst, bits of fluff, (troubled) idol au, childhood friends to lovers

⟶ word count: 20k

⟶ summary: in dead hours of the night he stumbles upon the bars, reaching, searching, trying to feel something, for once forget about consequences and taste the bittersweet freedom. between sips of addiction and faint touches of nameless lovers he finds you again: his own long-lost star on a blackboard sky.

⟶ warnings: explicit sexual content, soft dom!jk but also bit possessive!jk, sub!reader, oral (f receiving), praise kink, jk calling oc his pretty girl, unprotected sex (stay safe kiddos!), creampie, implicit car sex, mentions of infidelity, smoking, both oc and jk are emotional mess sometimes.

✔ read part one here!

a/n: i’m sorry i keep you waiting for so long but it’s finally here. as i promised, by the end of october. this story has a really special place in my heart, i’ve had it in my drafts for over a year now. i hope you’ll enjoy it!

Twenty-two. No, twenty-three. Or maybe it was actually twenty-two? Jungkook starts counting again.

Various, different certificates are aligned on the wall in front of him, every single one dedicated to the same man, sitting across the table with crossed arms and stern expression. It’s rather obvious his ego reaches far beyond the printed sheets of paper with his name written in swirly fonts. They are here just to make an impression, to fool people into believing that the pastel blue shirt he’s wearing and expensive watch on his wrist are the outcome of his hard work.

He opens his mouth to say something, but it doesn’t reach Jungkook’s ears. He starts counting again; this time the number of letters on the first certificate.

“What do you suggest we should do then?”

The man whose achievements in marketing and public relations Jungkook currently attentively analyzes, is Lee Ilsug, or at least that’s what those diplomas indicate. To be honest, Jungkook couldn’t care less about his name or the list of accomplishments that made him be employed here.

He’s new in the company, that’s certain. Jungkook didn’t have to deal with him before but Yoongi had the unpleasantness though, when he needed to deny the rumours going all around the Twitter about his slightly too close friendship with a female singer he had collaborated with.

Quoting Yoongi, Ilsung was pain in the ass.

“The photo is blurry. It’s debatable whether it’s Jungkook-ssi or not.” Another voice, this time female, cuts in. Jungkook remembers her face fleetingly from some PR meeting he had attended before. It looks like she’s now Ilsung’s assistant. “I checked SNS. Fans are on Jungkook’s side, they don’t believe what that girl had written, which is a good situation for us to interfere and release a statement.”

“What do you think, Jungkook?”

It’s Sejin. He was the one who contacted Jungkook about the ruckus in the company that has been going on since morning. The case is simple: on the day he did his walk of shame out of your apartment, he stopped to light up a cigarette that happened to be another one of his cardinal mistakes he’s made in span of 24 hours. What started with getting the temptation and alcohol got better of him and sleeping with you, ended with someone taking a picture of him while smoking.

It’s truly a miracle the photo’s quality is moderately vague. His mom always tells him he was born under the lucky star but for Jungkook it’s more like fate was playing hide and seek with him. This time, he managed to blend into the shadows in time.

Ilsung clicks his tongue. It’s not a secret he hates his job yet cherishes the money he earns. He pushes his thick-rimmed glasses up his nose and leans over the table. He’s close enough for Jungkook to notice the fresh cut from shaving on his cheek and a small, golden cross hanging on his neck.

He raises his brow, eyes trained on Jungkook. Cold, emotionless. Clearly, his ambitions don’t end on dealing with some idol’s reckless shenanigans. “Well? What’s on your mind, Jungkook-ssi? We are ready to release the statement denying rumours about the incident in an hour.”

Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek. “But that will be a lie then. I did smoke, it’s me on that picture.”

Next to him, he hears Sejin clearing his throat uncomfortably. “Jungkook, I know it’s unfair but we can’t let it affect yours or boys’ reputations right now. We are a month before the comeback.” he says and no matter how much he tries to make it sound neutral, pulling the ‘what about the rest of the members?’ card is usually the last straw to bend Jungkook.

Jungkook releases a long sigh at that. He feels unworthy. He let down his brothers again, made them worry about him countless times before and that’s what he offeres in return: disappointment. He cannot risk his bandmates’ good name because of his incautious behavior. They sacrificed too much to be where they are now to lose it over a silly scandal.

“Do what’s best for the team.” he decides after a while.

Once he’s out of the office, his thoughts drift instinctively to you. Do you already know about the mess he created? Do you even search through social media, looking for the updates about him? No, you wouldn’t go there, he tells himself. He’s almost sure. He hopes those revelations won’t ever reach you.

Sejin breaks his chain of thoughts, stepping into the elevator after him. “What were you even doing in that part of the city so early?” he asks, staring at Jungkook’s reflection in the mirror.

“Does it really matter?”

Sejin’s features soften a little. He’s been with them practically since the beginning. Seen their best and worst, always by their side even when the whole world seemed to be against them. Piggybacking Jungkook out of the practice room because he complained about his feet being sore, joking behind the stage about trivial things when no cameras where around. They trusted him. And he’s never stopped believing in them.

“I told you that million times before. You are allowed to lead your life the way you want, Jungkook. I know how you feel, but as a public figure you have to be extremely careful, first and foremost. People don’t forget, nothing ever disappears from the Internet,” he says, or rather repeats the same mantra he’s been telling them since they broke into the mainstream and started being overly recognizable. “I am here to protect you but I won’t be able to do that if you don’t take care of yourself first.”

He places a strong hold on Jungkook’s shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. Jungkook releases a sigh and the door slides open behind them. “Thank you, hyung.”

“Always, Jungkook-ah. I’m feeling like a father of rebel teenager now.” Sejin laughs lightly to clear the heavy atmosphere, making Jungkook snort.

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!”

Sejin ruffles Jungkook’s hair, ignoring younger’s grumbling protests. The walk into the spacious parking lot of the company and Jungkook suddenly stops in his tracks.

“Does Bang already know about this?“ he asks matter-of-factly, although he’s sure what the answer will be. The confirmation he needs comes with a nod from Sejin. “Is he pissed?” he adds then.

Sejin raises his brows, looking down at him. “His golden boy let him down, what do you think? He might not be mad but he’s sure as hell disappointed.” He gestures to his car and Jungkook follows him without a word, imagining his boss’ sour expression next time he sees him. In Bang’s self-made ranking he’s sitting at last place right now probably.

“Want to grab a proper breakfast with me? I’ve been called into the company while I was in bed. I didn’t even have time to finish my coffee.” Sejin offers, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts.

“Okay.” Jungkook says, hopping in Sejin’s car. “You’re buying?” he asks, mustering a snickering smile even though he’s definitely not in the mood for joking.

Sejin rolls his eyes, fastening his seatbelt. “Don’t you think you own it to me for saving your ass once again?”

“But I’m your rebel teenager kid, remember?” Jungkook pouts. When he sees Sejin hesitating, he opts for another strategy. The one that never fails. “Rock-paper-scissors?”

“Deal.”

Tonight, Jungkook pulls up in front of the club you’re working in with his car. It’s Friday night and he recalls you saying you work here every two weeks. He counted the days three times. There’s no way he made a mistake. He’s sober. And he has no intentions of getting drunk.

You’re surprised when you see him. You haven’t spoken a word for a whole week since he walked out of your apartment. He seems happier when he approaches you, flashing a bunny-toothed smile like nothing ever happened. Maybe he’s good at pretending. That’s exactly what you told him to do - act like the night he stripped you bare and fucked you silly was merely a mirage.

In a way, you’re relieved he makes everything seem ordinary, even though it’s anything but normal.

He waits for you to finish your shift. Tells you he drove here with his car and your eyes involuntarily widen. When you’re standing in front of his black Mercedes Benz, you can’t help but gawk.

“I don’t even want to know how much money this cost.” You take in the all-polished, black glory of his car, muttering “Holy shit” under your breath.

Jungkook chuckles to himself, gesturing for you to get in. You do it without a word, making yourself comfortable on the leather seat. If he manages not to make things awkward, you can do it to, acting as though he isn’t a well-known persona in your country with an addiction for unhealthy lifestyle.

He starts the engine and drives in the direction of your neighborhood, humming to himself the tune playing in radio. It’s awfully domestic, the way he navigates through the streets like he knows them like the back of his hand although you’re aware he’s glancing at his phone once in a while to check the directions. You catch yourself watching him from the corner of your eye with curiosity, biting your lip to suppress the urge to ask him million questions at a minute. Instead, you let him do whatever he has in mind. You can’t ruin this, you remind yourself.

Later that night, you’re sitting in his car in the darkness, parked on the rundown parking lot where no one’s standing expect for you. The only source of light is coming from the single street lamp nearby, illuminating delicately Jungkook’s features in dim, yellowish lighting.

He doesn’t say much. He fumbles with the hem of his jacket almost absentmindedly and you know him well enough to sense there’s something plugging his thoughts. You call his name and he turns his head to the side. It’s too dark for you to spot the tiredness on his beautiful face, too dark to read from his eyes and find all the needed answers in them.

“Is everything alright?” you ask and it sounds awfully loud in a small space of his car. Despite the silent promise you made to yourself about keeping things between you civil, you can’t help but interfere.

Jungkook then whirls on his seat so he can face you fully, flashing you a smile meant to throw all your former worries away. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to sit with you for a while like that, if you don’t mind.”

If anything, it doesn’t cure your concerns but you shove it to the back of your head for now. Nodding at his words, you fall into the distressing silence. The street lamp nearby goes out and if it wasn’t for the digital dashboard in Jungkook’s car, you would have been surrounded by darkness completely.

Jungkook chuckles under his breath and you follow suit. The sudden change in the atmosphere should be taken as a sign to abandon this damned parking lot and go somewhere else, but he looks like he has other plans in mind. Hearing the soft whisper of your name, you start feeling like it all was meant to happen. Him appearing in front of the club, the lights going out and enabling you to read the true emotions from your faces – it’s all like fate is again playing tricks with you.

You don’t know who moves first, crossing the invisible oceans between you and reaching homeland, but the next thing you feel is his lips on yours.

He tastes like the non-alcoholic beverage he drunk earlier, mixed with faint bitterness of his beloved cigarettes and something akin to mint, yet you’re drowning in it, in him, in the warmth of his breath on your wet lips.

You feel the world spiraling in front of your eyes, despite your soberity. You’re moving automatically; leaning into his touch and accepting the kiss with raw passion, welcoming his tongue in your mouth willingly. It should be alarming how good it feels to have him like this, in your arms, teeth scrapping your neck until you’re writhing in your seat. Breathless, he takes the hint, maneuvering your body until you’re straddling his lap.

It feels dangerously familiar. You know what’s going to happen next, when he unzips your jacket and places his hands underneath your sweater, relishing in the way you shiver at the coldness of his touch. When he sinks his teeth in your neck and withdraws seconds before leaving a blossoming mark. Yet you make no vow to stop him.

From this exact moment, it’s just a blur of hushed whispers, broken moans and quick caresses that leave you yearning for more. Jungkook acts like he knows your body inside and out, thrusting his fingers knuckle-deep into your heat until you’re keening and begging him for more. And he gives it to you with earnest, coaxing you into an orgasm with one last, final flick of his thumb on your sensitive bud.

Jungkook groans when you palm his bulge through the material of his pants, but he’s too desperate to feel your wetness around him to let you tease him any longer. When you sink down onto him, all of your rational thoughts fly away with the breathy moan you let out in unison with his choked gasp.

It’s fast and ragged, chasing the high that it’s both forbidden yet so craved. And it hurts, when tears well in your eyes, when you’re at the brick of pleasure and you know there’s no way in the world you’re going to experience a desire so raw and overwhelming with anyone, ever again. It hurts when Jungkook picks up the pace and fucks into you with ferocity and anger, because the world is unfair and he’s a slave in the system in which freedom means fucking you dirty in his car when it’s dark out.

And he hates it, hates it so much when you unveil in front of him, whimpering his name hoarsely and tightening around his cock deliciously. He swallows every sound you make with his mouth, clenching his teeth because the pleasure is right there, but he needs an extra push to throw himself over the edge. It’s his name on your lips and the whimper of “Inside, please” that finally makes him snap.

Then, there’s only guilt and laboured breaths. In his self-made list of mistakes, you’re aiming for the top.

Grocery shopping has never been your favourite thing to do.

You would never quite enjoy doing it, not due to the constant anxiety of forgetting about buying something even if you make a list of products beforehand, not when you don’t have enough money to buy a little extra than needed (thanks to the dear capitalistic world we live in).

Right now, you’re standing in the middle of an aisle with cereal, trying to look as much casual as possible so people passing by wouldn’t suspect you to be a wanna-be thief. The cause of your distress sits at the very top shelf and there’s no way in hell you’ll manage to snatch that Reese’s Puffs without knocking everything over.

Defeated, you raise your hand to take your second option (good, old Corn Flakes), but a familiar voice coming from the right stops you in tracks.

“Need some help?”

Twirling on your feet, you’re now standing face to face with Kihyun – Minho’s friend from work. Smiling sheepishly, you nod. “I do, actually. Can you pass me these ones, please?”

You feel stupid asking that but fortunately, Kihyun doesn’t seem to mind your awkwardness. You talked to him briefly a few times before thanks to Minho, who took his friendship with him as far as to go on a double date together.

“So, how are you?” Kihyun asks, placing the cereal box in your cart.

“I’m good, thanks. I assume you’ve been also doing well,” He raises his eyebrows at that and you clarify, “Minho told me you got promoted lately. Congrats, chief Yoo.”

“Ah, yeah, thank you,” There’s a tiny bit of pink covering the apples of his cheeks when he waves his hand dismissively at your comment. “But it’s not that big of a deal.”

“I’m sure working in a homicide department is a big deal,” you say. “And I heard it requires some extra shooting training as well.” you add, alluding to what Minho has told you the day you read the message on his phone from someone named Soyeon.

To your surprise, Kihyun furrows his brows in a manner that could only mean he’s confused. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Hiding your astonishment with a light laugh, you explain, “Don’t you go to the shooting range with Minho after work? He told me so a while ago.”

Something akin to realization crosses Kihyun’s face. He shakes his head. “Yeah, we went there together once or twice but recently he’s training there our new recruit, Soyeon.”

His words punch you right in the guts. Minho lied to you. He wouldn’t come up with that shitty excuse if he didn’t have something dirtier to hide, right? Maybe you’re exaggerating, but he certainly hasn’t been truly honest with you for a while now. It must be a reason behind his strange behavior.

“Are you okay?”

For a moment you’ve forgotten you’re in the middle of the grocery store with your boyfriend’s friend. Shaking yourself off your unpleasant thoughts, you send Kihyun an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry. I just remembered I need to go to the pharmacist’s and they’re closing soon so I gotta hurry now.” you lie. He doesn’t look like he entirely bought your story but nevertheless, he bids you goodbye.

You leave the store with half-empty shopping bag, raging headache and a torn heart.

They say silence can speak more than any exchanged words.

It hovers in the air, heavy and overwhelming, a tension primed to snap at any moment yet it has never happened before. There’s always quiet, no hushed sentences, half-lies or stuttered confessions leaving quivering lips.

Sometimes you wonder when will you have enough. When will you be able to resist, to say you’re hurting so bad it aches right in your heart, like there are tons of bricks lying on your chest, suppressing your breathing. And maybe this is the night.

A few unread messages on your phone, next one popping up and the screen lights up.

[1:23pm] jungkook:

i need you

It pains, a dull ache and suddenly there isn’t enough air in the room. [1:24pm] jungkook:

please

He never begs. It doesn’t suit him. There is too much pride and power inside him to crawl in front of you, to fall to his knees and plead. Yet, you falter, shaking fingertips typing a quick response. When brain screams fuck you, you don’t deserve me, a sight of him makes all the rational thoughts go to hell.

He stands in your door, slender body leaning against the frame. You haven’t seen him for a while, a week or maybe two. His skin is pale, sheer and delicate you worry it might break if you trail your fingers over it. There are bangs under his bloodshot eyes and you know he had trouble sleeping again. It hurts seeing him like this, beautiful and broken but you’ve always loved picking up the damaged pieces.

He smiles, a lopsided smirk you know oh so well, a dark amusement because here you are, pliant under his gaze, vulnerable under his every command.

“Hello, doll.”

It’s the ‘doll’ that makes you grimace. Nickname he uses only when you’re stripped bare for his liking, bend to his will. It means he’s been drinking. Probably the expensive whiskey you hate the taste of so much when it lingers bitterly on your tongue after each swipe of his mouth against yours. “Will you let me in?” he then asks although he already knows the answer.

It’s cruel of him how he uses your weakness. You hate seeing him like this, hate when he’s thrown apart and you’re the only one who knows how to fix him. That’s why you move away from the door in a silent invitation, biting your lip when you see his slouching posture and unsteady walk.

It hurts when you help him sit on your bed and he smiles at you lazily, in all his beautiful yet broken glory. You almost don’t recognize him. It’s not your Jungkook. Your Jungkook would never drown his misery in alcohol, he would never sit in your room barely conscious, smelling of cheap bars and cigarettes.

But you accept your fate the way it is.

“I need to sober you up a little. I’ll go get you a glass of water, okay?” He hums in response, although you’re worried it might have not reach his ears at all.

Jungkook looks up when your back, accepting the water and drinking it with eagerness. “You’re too good to me, you know that right?” he slurs a little once he’s done. “I don’t deserve you.” he adds after a moment, cupping your cheek with his unoccupied palm.

You squeeze your eyes shut because you fear you might break down in front of him if you look him in the eyes. He strokes your skin, murming “I’m so sorry” all over again.

You stay like that for a few beats of silence, breathing in each other’s presences until you hear Jungkook’s phone buzzing in the pocket of his jacket. Taking it out, you see ‘Jimin-hyung’ written on the screen. “Your friends are worried about you.” you murmur, nudging his side.

“Tell them to go to hell.” You hear him muttering under his breath. Sighing, you decide to exit the room and answer the call.

“Jungkook? Where the fuck are you?!” Jimin’s angered, thick with Busan dialect voice rings in your ears, making you flinch. “You should’ve at least answer my text once so I would know you’re okay!”

Mustering the courage, you take a deep breath and say, “Hi, it’s Y/N speaking. Jungkook’s friend.”

There’s a pause on the other side, until your hear Jimin clearing his throat. “Oh, hi. Is Jungkook maybe with you?” he asks and you smile to yourself involuntarily noticing how his voice has changed once he realised he’s not speaking to his friend.

“He is. Drunk, but in one piece.” you reply, sparing a glance at aforementioned Jungkook who’s now slumped down on your bed, probably fast asleep.

Jimin sighs with relief. “That’s good then. You know, we got into a little fight today and he suddenly disappeared without a trace, and we are right before the comeback so–”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me,” you interrupt his rushed rambling. “I’ll take care of him.”

“Thank you, Y/N-ssi. It means a lot.”

‘’I’ve been taking care of his ass practically since we were kids, so it’s not a big deal for me,” you chuckle lightly, even though you’re definetely not in the mood for jokes. “Well, maybe not in that way but still.”

“I know. He told me about you.”

Your eyes widen. “He did?” you ask, failing to hide the surprised tone of your voice.

“Yeah, he did. When he first told us he met his childhood friend accidentally in the club he got drunk in, we didn’t believe him at first. But then he slowly started opening up more about you and even showed me some picture of you and him when you were kids.” Jimin says. “You know, Jungkook hasn’t been himself for quite a while. He kept pushing us away but ever since he met you, he’s started smiling again. Please, promise me you’ll never hurt him.”

You release a shaky breath. “I promise.”

It’s easy to promise such thing. Because you’re for sure going to end up being hurt first.

It’s your alarm that wakes you up the next morning.

The sight of Jungkook is long gone, the only proof he’s been here in your bed last night is an empty glass on your bedside table and a small note written on the napkin.

Thank you for everything. I really don’t deserve you.

Jungkook.

Sheets have gone already cold underneath your fingertips where he laid beside you just hours ago. You didn’t get much sleep the night, watching his beautiful, pale features illuminated by the moonlight slipping through your window. He looked so peaceful with his chapped lips slightly parted and in that moment, you couldn’t think of any reason to hate him and what he’s doing to you.

Later, when you’re finally out of uni, you come home and take a quick shower. It’s Wednesday and Wednesdays are reserved for your small dates with Minho. The guilt you’re feeling while getting dressed and fixing your makeup is eating you from the inside. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you almost don’t recognize the shallow of a girl you’re seeing.

You are not a bad person, you keep reminding yourself, then why did you sleep with him that night? Let him crawl into your bed again and again after?

Minho waits for you outside in his car. He’s taking you to a new Thai restaurant and you manage to hide the frown on your face, because your dear boyfriend forgot you don’t like this type of food.

“You look pretty tonight, babe,” he says once you’re inside, waiting for your orders. You smile at him briefly. “It’s really been a while since we went out together, hasn’t it?”

At that, you nod curtly. It’s true, you haven’t seen each other last week at all. Minho ditched your usual Wednesday date in favor of staying at work for something important. It happened second or third time this month. You feel like you don’t have right to be mad at him. If anything, that’s what you deserve for lying to him behind his back.

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Your food arrives, you act like you don’t feel nauseous chewing on your pad thai and trying to break out the taste with red wine. Minho babbles about the new Netflix series he’s started watching and you’re pretending to be intrested. Wednesday date at its finest.

Then, when you’re about to pour yourself another glass of wine, Minho stops you with his hand on yours. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something,” You fight an urge to roll your eyes. He wants to discuss serious matters? What a change. “We’ve been together for eight months. My parents keep asking about you.”

“Oh,” you blurt out. To hide your anxiety, you force out a breathy laugh. “So, what about them?” you ask, however you already know what the answer is going to be.

“I thought we could visit them soon in Daegu over some weekend when you don’t have work,” he proposes, squeezing your hand as if to calm your nerves. It’s not doing much to put you at ease. “My mom has already started making plans what food she should make. They’re really excited to meet you.”

You feign a smile. It should be a natural progression for couples to take things at a time, step by step but you can’t help but feel uneasy. Minho wants his parents to meet you, the girl who lets a certain raven-haired boy play with her heart and mess with her head. In a sick game where both parties are out of reach, you’re terribly losing.

“I’d love to meet your parents.” you say finally, almost breathless.

“You don’t look very excited.” Minho comments with a smirk and you know he’s joking but the lump in your throat only grows.

You smile meekly. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. What if they won’t like me?”

“I’m sure they’re gonna love you. You don’t have anything to worry about.” he dismisses your concerns, reaching for the wine bottle to pour himself a glass. “I’ve got one more thing to tell you. I know it’s a lot for one evening but I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for weeks now so since we have this opportunity now, I’m gonna use it.”

Color drains from your face. What else is there to converse about all of a sudden? Biting the inside of your cheek, you give him a sign to continue.

“I’ll go straight to the point. I want you to move in with me,” The bomb explodes and you nearly drop your wine glass to the floor. “I know it might be a lot for your but I really, really want to see you every day in my bed. My apartment is big enough for both of us but once I get the promotion my boss talked to me about last week, we can look for something fancier.”

You stare at him blankly. First his parents, now this? Minho from the beginning of your relationship was the one who liked to take things slowly. He didn’t kiss you until your third date, he waited unnecessary amount of time to have sex even though you told him over and over again you were more than ready to do it with him.

The sudden rush feels weird. As if sensing your discomfort, Minho clears his throat and asks, “Don’t you want to move in with me?”

You notice the subtle change in his voice, the way he’s not as enthusiastic as he was a minute ago but you shove it to the back of your head. “I’m surprised,” you respond neutraly. “And of course I don’t mind living with you. I just thought you wanted to take things slow.”

Minho clicks his tongue. “This has nothing to do with that. I’m not asking you to marry me, Y/N,” he chuckles but you don’t mirror the sentiment. “I think it would be more comfortable for you to live with me than your current cubby-hole.”

He’s already irritated by your reaction and you know it’s better not to poke the bear but those three glasses of wine down your throat give you enough courage to disagree. “Your place is further from my university and work. Not to mention I have a five minutes long walk to the underground now and it would take longer for me to get there in your area.” you point out.

“You can get a driving license then finally.”

You frown. “What do you mean ‘finally’? You know damn well I can’t afford it now with the job I have and student loan. We talked about it before.”

Minho is aware that with your current financial situation you’re barely making ends meet and you can’t let yourself have another, bigger expenses. But you’re fine on your own, you don’t mind living where you do because that’s the result of your independence. You showed your parents you are able to study and work without their extra help. You’re proud of yourself for that.

“Now you’re literally making excuses. Just say you don’t want to move in.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you try to reason. “I’m not ready for such a big step yet. I need more time to think about it.”

Minho snorts, rolling his eyes. “What else is there to think about? Either you say yes or no!” His raised tone catches attention from the family sitting nearby and they send curious glances in your direction.

“Stop being so loud, please. We are in a restaurant for God’s sake.” you whisper-shout.

“Do I look like I give a fuck?” he snorts, obnoxious and annoyingly snarky.

You stay quiet for a moment, debating whether you should give up entirely and hang a white flag or wait for the atmosphere to clear on its own. But you’re so, so tired. Tired of being lied to. Tired of always having to choose your words carefully and bending to his will.

“You know, I met Kihyun the other day at grocery store,” Minho doesn’t seem much interested in your inquiry, still deeply frustrated with your tantrum. He simply hums, unfazed. “I congratulated him on his promotion. He for sure needs to visist shooting range more now, doesn’t he?”

Minho arches his brow. “Yeah, I told you he goes there with me and that new recruit.”

It’s ironic, how easily he can lie to you straight in the eye. But you’re strong enough now to fight back. “That’s interesting actually, because Kihyun said something totally different.” you say languidly, watching your boyfriend narrowing his eyes.

“And what is that?”

“He said you’re going there only with your new recruit, Soyeon. The one sending you messages on your private phone.”

Minho gapes at you for a few short seconds and then, bursts into laughter. “What are you trying to insinuate here, honey?” he asks.

The petname sounds mocking this time. Ignoring his lighthearted approach to the situation, you dodge a bullet. “I’m not insinuating anything yet. I just pointed out that you lied to me.”

“Lied? That’s bullishit. I would never lie to you.”

“But you did, Minho. The day I asked you who Soyeon was after reading the message on your phone. You said you’re visiting shooting range with her and Kihyun after work sometimes. Turns out it’s just you and her after all. Isn’t that a lie?” you press.

Minho doesn’t like being backed into the corner. When you confronted him first, he thought he had everything under control. Now, he’s losing it and he isn’t used to being that helpless.

“So what? Maybe I told you that so you wouldn’t freak out and think I’m cheating on you. Because that’s all it is about, right? You think I’m fucking someone behind your back.” he snaps, making you wince.

“I didn’t say that.” you counter but there’s no use for that. You stepped into the lion’s den.

He aprubtly stands up from his chair and the cutlery on your table clutters. “You know what? I’m done. I’m not in the mood for your bullshit anymore.” He withdraws his wallet from the pocket of his jacket and throws a few bills onto the table.

A bitter chuckle escapes your lips. “Your’e leaving? Just like that?”

“Yeah. Are you going with me or not?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I guess someone has to finish this bottle. It would be a shame to waste such expensive wine.” you say, mustering a sarcastic smile.

Minho doesn’t utter anything more to you. He nods and exits the restaurant, leaving you sitting by the table alone. Despite the stares, hushed whispers and an urge to run away and hide from the audience, you stay a little longer and drink up that damned bottle of wine until there’s no droplets left inside.

Once you’re outside, you inhale greedily the fresh air. Your head spins a little and you’re debating whether to take an Uber home or just walk thirty minutes on your own to sober up a little. You choose the latter.

You don’t know what makes you dial his number. You’ve never done that before. He was the one calling you in the middle of the name and begging without words to tend his wounds. Tables have turned, and here you are.

You call once, twice. After the fifth attempt you give up, showing your phone into the pocket of your coat. As the first tear rolls down your cheek, you realise he would never be there to pick up your pieces.

Three missed calls from: Jungkook

[11:11pm] jungkook:

I’m so sorry y/n. I couldn’t pick up the phone cause we had late practice

Please call me back. I’m worried

Two missed calls from: Jungkook

[11:36pm] jungkook:

At least text me if you’re okay

Please

[11:39pm] me:

I’m fine

[11:39pm] jungkook:

Thank God

You sure you don’t wanna talk?

[11:41pm] me:

Maybe next time

[11:41pm] jungkook:

Okay

Night, miss grumpy

You’re sitting in your favourite cafeteria, typing furiously on your laptop the last paragraph in your assignment. Your philosophy proffesor has been a bitch lately, telling you to write essays about the most uninteresting stuff she could possibly think of. And here you are, writing about Hegel’s triads, reminding yourself the semester soon will be over and so will be your mandatory philosophy classes.

Taking a moment to sip on a caramel macchiato you ordered, you notice a message popping up on your lockscreen.

[10:45am] jungkook:

Do you have time now?

I need to tell you sth

It’s been two days since your date with Minho. You’re still mentally flogging yourself for calling Jungkook that night repulsively because of your tipsiness. In that exact moment, he was the only person on your mind you could talk to. Once the fresh air cooled down your emotions, you realised how stupid your idea was.

With slight resistance (and raced heartbeat), you type a response.

[10:46am] me:

I guess

[10:46am] jungkook:

Great. I’m gonna call you now

Eyes widening, you stare at your phone. What is so important that he cannot just text you instead? Not even a minute later, you hear buzzing. Exhaling shakily, you answer it.

“Hi, Miss Grumpy,” Jungkook says and you could tell by the tone of his voice he’s in a good mood. He sounds like the old Jungkook you know well. It’s a pleasant surprise. “What’s up?”

“You called me to ask how am I doing?”

Jungkook chuckles and something inside you flutters hearing that. “And what if I did?”

Rolling your eyes, you respond, “Let’s just say it’s unusual of you. Shouldn’t you be at some dance practice right now?” you ask.

“We just ended a company meeting. And this is exactly the reason why I’m calling you.”

“Should I be scared?”

”Not at all. I’m gonna move straight to the point,” he says and your pulse involuntarily quickens. “Are you free next weekend?”

You bite your lip. There’s a part of you that wants so bad to counter with “What? Do you need a booty call?” but you don’t let your facade break that easily. Instead, you tell the truth. “Yeah, I am.”

“Would you like to go with me to Busan then?”

You nearly spill the coffee onto your laptop. “Oh.” You can’t quite hide the surprise in your voice. You would never expect him to propose you such thing, yet here you are.

It’s been a while since you were home. Not like you don’t want to see your parents, it’s actually the opposite. The reason you haven’t been in Busan for months is simple: you don’t have extra cash on the side to afford a two-way train ticket.

Sensing your bewilderment, Jungkook takes your silence as a sign to explain further his sudden proposition. “Our company gave us few days off to relax before final comeback preparations so I decided I could go home,” It’s what he says and unsure of what to answer with, you only hum in response. “You told me some time ago you haven’t seen your parents since Christmas so I thought you might accompany me.”

Something squeezes in your chest hearing that. You fail to hide the smile creeping on your features and despite the many obstacles that should be a warning sign for you to say no, you find yourself reminiscing in the idea of spending a weekend at home with Jungkook. Just like old times.

“Okay. I agree.”

Upon hearing your response, Jungkook breathes out a sigh of relief to the phone. “I thought you would ditch me.”

“Excuse me? Who do you think I am? I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to eat my mum’s bulgogi.”

You can’t ignore how you’re feeling, cheeks flushed and a silly smile stretching on your lips. But there’s still that bugging thought present at the back of your head, reminding you of your illicit affair and every mistake you’ve made so far. Maybe agreeing to a small trip down childhood memory lane is one of them.

Right now, sitting in a cafeteria and talking on the phone with Jungkook about the details and your mum’s cooking skills, you pretend like you’ve turned back the time and everything else is a mere drawback to deal with later.

“I can’t believe I agreed to do that.”

That, is a blatant lie. You know damn well why you’re standing on the pavement in front of the building you live in as Jungkook pulls up with his high-priced, straight-from-the-salon black Mercedes. Something ignites in your lower stomach at the mere memory of what you’ve done there inside last time.

When he exits the car, you disregard as best as you can the aloof feeling in your chest, seeing him adjusting his bucket hat further down. This is the life he’s living, you remind yourself. If he wants to minimize the risk of people with preying eyes recognizing him.

Dressed in all black, he comes up to you and lifts his head up. That’s when you see him fully for the first time since he stumbled through your drunk and barely conscious. He smiles widely approaching you, not an ounce of uncertainty in his movements when he wraps his arms around you in a bear hug.

“What’s that for?” you mumble.

“Just missed you.”

He smells like the flowery fabric softener you know he likes. It almost lulls you into paying no mind to the thumping of your heart against your ribcage and redness blossoming on your cheeks.

It almost makes you forget he’s not yours, and you will never be his.

You’re the first one to withdraw, stepping away. “You’re such a sap.” It’s the first thing that comes to your mind to say after such intimate moment – twist it into something without depth and meaning you’re so afraid of facing.

He shrugs, still smiling. “I’m just happy we’re going to spend some time together with our families.”

You know he is. Jungkook has always been a family person. Moving out at a ripe age of fourteen paradoxically strengthened the bond he has with his parents and brother.

He picks up your bag from the ground and throws it into the trunk next to his. Getting into the car, you mutter, “You know, I tweet ‘eat the rich’ every two days but you are safe from my hatred for high class as long as you drive my ass with this expensive car to Busan.”

Jungkook chuckles, starting the engine. “Thanks for your kindness, love. Good to know I’m pardoned.”

“Jokes aside, I mean it though. I might want Jeff Bezos to rot in hell but at the same time I think you deserve that money because I know you worked hard to achieve it.” you say, buckling your seatbelt.

He spares you a quick glance and arches his eyebrow. “I didn’t know you are actually a fellow comrade Y/N, Miss Grumpy.”

“Oh, boy. Follow me on my private account. You’ll see then how radical I can get.”

You earn another laugh from him and you find yourself getting more and more comfortable in the situation, sitting in his car and venturing onto a weekend trip to your hometown. The perspective of spending a couple of hours with Jungkook in the same car doesn’t seem to bother you as much as it did the whole week before.

Tapping the unknown rhythm on your thighs, you reach to press what you think might be the radio button. Your aren’t good with modern technology, so you smile triumphantly to yourself, hearing the first tunes blasting from the speakers.

The slow pop-ballad ends and radio host announces next song as ‘fan favorite’. You look out of the window for a short while just to be brought back to the reality by the sound playing in the background. You know this song more than well.

“No. We are not listening to this.” Jungkook reaches to change the radio station with a speed of light, but you swat his hand away.

“Jesus christ, stop being so dramatic. I love Blood Sweat and Tears! It’s a masterpiece.” you protest.

“I thought you don’t listen to our songs.”

You gasp, placing a hand on your chest. “Excuse me? I’ve been to your concert twice, dumbass. And I’m saving up money for another.”

That, is true. You like listening to BTS not because of Jungkook (though he might one of the reasons you fancy them) but it’s their music and message in general. Now, since they’re over their badboy phases and objectifying women in every ‘love song’, you’re fond of them even more.

You start humming Namjoon’s part when Jungkook cuts in. “Okay, then. Who’s your bias?” he asks.

You don’t miss the way he seems to grip the steering wheel tighter. Of course he would be that petty to ask you this. To entertain yourself a little, you quip, “Take a wild guess.”

“It has to be Jimin-hyung.” he says right away.

You shake your head. “Boo. Try again.”

“Namjoon-hyung. You bit your lip when he started rapping his part.”

“That’s bullshit. Namjoon’s hot but not my type. And you should keep your eyes on the road, buddy.” Placing your fingers on his chin, you turn his head away.

Jungkook sighs. “Who is it then?”

“Taehyung.”

Hearing your response, he snorts. “I should’ve known that.”

“And why is that?” you ask, trying to hide your amusement.

“Because he’s the most good looking from us all. He dresses stylishly,” You could tell by the tongue in his cheek you’re irking him right now. Adding to the irony, Taehyung’s part in the song comes blasting from the speakers. “He has a nice, deep voice.” Jungkook adds and before he can name another positive trait of his friend, you chime in.

“Is somebody jealous?”

Though you’re clearly making fun of him, he decides to chuckle like he doesn’t give a fuck anyway. “Jealous? Of Tae? Please. I have no reason to be.”

Smirking to yourself, you find his demeanor too entertaining. “That’s good then. Because I think you’re handsome too. And I love your voice when you sing.” you say, turning your head to the side to observe his reaction.

No matter how much he tries to hide it, clenching his jaw and giving you an eye roll, there’s no use for that. The blush covering his cheeks gives him anyway. His agony ends with one last beat of the song.

Hiding a yawn behind your palm, you lean back onto your seat. Last night you didn’t get as much as you’d like to and your four hours long drive to Busan seems like a great opportunity for a compensatory nap.

Drifting off to sleep, the last thing you remember is Jungkook’s hands on the steering wheel and his soft voice humming the song playing in the radio.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, wake up. We’re almost there.”

Slowly opening your eyes, you’re met with familiar-looking streets of your hometown, Busan. You jerk abruptly, straightening your posture. “Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” you ask, looking to your left at Jungkook.

He shrugs in response. “You looked like you didn’t want to be waken. And trust me, I know what it feels like to be brought back to reality from a good nap too early.”

You don’t dwell on that more. Instead, you look out of the window, greedily drinking in the city. You’re now driving through downtown, passing by shining skyscrapers. Both yours and Jungkook’s houses are situated in a more peaceful area of Busan, closer to the sea. That’s why you spent most of your childhood and teenage days there as long as the weather was merciful.

Spring has always been your favourite time of the year but spring in Busan hits different. You don’t have an occasion to sit by the sea and watch the sky burning in orange and red in Seoul. Here, where you used to grow up, spring is the cherry tree blossoming, your mum planting vegetable seeds in her small garden behind your house, you and Jungkook smoking cigarettes underneath the pier while the sun hides behind the horizon.

“Did you tell your parents you’re coming?” Jungkook’s voice pulls you from your thoughts.

“No, I didn’t. I want it to be a surprise for them.”

“Oh, that’s cute.” he comments curtly and turns right. You’re approximately thirty minutes until you reach your destination. “I need to talk with you about one more thing before we get there.”

You focus your sight on him, however he seems to avoid your eyes. You give him a sign to continue. “Go on.”

Jungkook rubs his forehead with his hand and then sighs. It’s a nervous habit of his, you recognize. “I just want to apologize for causing you so much trouble. Not only last time but in general,” He stops at the red light and cocks his head to the side to look at you. “I acted like a complete dick and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. I’m sorry for everything. I thought this small trip here would be some sort of redemption for me, I don’t know.” The lights turns to orange, then to green and he focuses his eyes on the road again.

Reaching over the gearshift, you place a hand on his thigh to get his attention. When he peeks at you with the same, round, sparkly eyes you’ve grown to adore, all you can do is smile softly. “I’m okay, Kook. If that’s what you need, I don’t mind helping you. If only it means you’ll be okay too.”

Perhaps he notices the sadness in your eyes when you say it. Perhaps he can tell your smile is not the happiest he’s ever seen. If he does, he chooses to stay silent. Instead, he nods. Taking his action as a sight to withdraw, you straighten on your seat.

“There’s one more anything, actually,” Jungkook adds after a while.

“What is it?”

“You’re invited to a party.”

“What party?” you ask, brows furrowed.

‘’We are celebrating Junghyun’s engagement.” he says casually.

Eyes widening, you let out a shocked gasp. “What?! Your brother got engaged?”

Jungkook sends you a look. “Jealous, buttercup?”

You roll your eyes. “I told you I had a crush on your brother when I was ten. It’s been twelve years since then. Twelve!” you exclaim, but he only smirks in response.

The reason you liked Junghyun as a kid was simple: he was your best friend’s older brother. He was just there yet unreachable at the same time.

(And he didn’t have as many pimples as Jungkook.)

But Junghyun getting married? That is a news to you. You clearly remember him telling you one day he would never form a serious relationship before he reaches thirty. Looks like he made up his mind.

“I’m just pleasantly surprised he decided to settle down. Junghyun has always been more of a free soul when it comes to dating. I even remember your mum throwing him a tantrum during barbecue because of this.” you say.

“Honestly, I’m not that shocked. You should’ve seen him looking at Hyerin during our Christmas dinner. This boy is whipped.” Jungkook chuckles.

“Your parents must be happy.” you comment absentmindedly.

He nods, the corners of his mouth stretching in a small smile. “Yeah, they are. They really like Hyerin. And considering they won’t be getting grandchildren anytime soon thanks to my line of work–” he trails off, “–they are even happier that hyung is settling down.”

The air seems heavy now inside Jungkook’s car. He said an obvious thing you were aware of but something aches in your chest at the thought.

You will never understand why there’s so much stigmatization surrounding idols dating other people. Wanting to be loved by someone is a natural, human need. Prohibition won’t magically stop them from catching feelings.

But there’s also another side of the story – the one Jungkook referred to. In his line of work even if there are no obstacles, it’s hard to maintain a long-lasting relationship. And he knows that.

You still remember vividly his first girlfriend. Her name was Eunbi and she was one of their manager’s daughter. Her dad used to take her to the MV sets, introduced her to the boys because she was a fan of them. And that’s how she met Jungkook.

Jungkook, age seventeen, was too shy to hold a proper conversation and keep eye contact with a girl at the same time but somehow, him and Eunbi got along pretty quickly. They shared a sympathy for the same video games and for Jungkook back then it was enough to fall head over heels for her. She was his first kiss as he told you (”First real one, because I don’t count that peck Jisoo gave me in fifth grade as a kiss.”)

After that moment you decided you’d never like Eunbi. Not because you were furiously in love with him, no.

You just didn’t want to see him form such a close bond with anyone else but you.

Their fairytale love story ended when Eunbi’s father found out about their secret randez-vous. Jungkook sulked for a week and then eventually got over Eunbi.

(And he was again texting you about that video game you had no interest in but you pretended to be a good substitute for Eunbi and her nerdiness you lacked.)

“What are you thinking about?”

You’re standing on the red light again. Glancing at Jungkook, you find him staring right back at you. “I’m wondering whether I’m invited to the wedding.” you lie.

“Of course you are. I’m sure hyung is going to do it officially tomorrow,” he answers with a grin. “I think Taehyung is coming too. He loves weddings.”

Narrowing your eyes, you reply with a saccharine sweet voice, “It’s about time you introduce me to your bandmates. Especially Taehyung-oppa.”

“Oppa?”

You bite your lip. There’s no doubt you did that on purpose. You find it rather amusing to see Jungkook so worked up over such a silly thing. You wonder how far you can go before he finally snaps.

Smirking to yourself, shrug your shoulders. “The light’s green. Watch the road, Kookie.”

Jungkook huffs, shaking his head. It’s approximately fifteen minutes until you reach your destination. “I’m sure you will be delighted to meet him.” he says with enough amount of sarcasm for you to know he’s irritated.

“Oh, I will be over the moon.”

“Good.”

“Amazing, even.”

You hope he doesn’t notice you failing to maintain a serious expression.

You moved with your parents to your new house in Busan at the age of eight, two ponytails, overalls and sparkly sneakers every kid wanted to have adoring your small frame, a look of pure concern worrying your childish, chubby features.

It was a quiet neighborhood, on the suburbs of the town, a row of similarly looking terraced buildings and small gardens in front of them, every single one akin to the other. There was nothing distinctive about the area, it screamed dullness and tedium but for years you have grown to call this place home.

You know every corner here inside out. A local grocery store owned by a lovable, elder woman known as Miss Kim, who always has spare candies underneath the counter for children who come to buy something for their parents. Next to the store, there is a florist’s. Your first, high school part-time job. The intense smell of roses makes you nauseous to these days.

There is also your primary school, huge backyard behind it with a run-down playground. You never minded it though, spending there probably too much time for your parents liking. Many memories were made there. First, innocent childish peck placed on your cheek from a 6th grader named Jinyoung. Twisted ankle, tears, pain and regret because you decided to jump off the highest step of the climbing frame one Friday afternoon after classes. A punch to the face of school’s bully Dongin, who called your new pair of Converse trainers ugly.

It was exactly fourteen days before the end of August when you met Jungkook.

You had been living in the new house for almost a month but still felt too insecure to explore the neighborhood. Most of your time you were spending inside, missing your old friends and reading books to distract your attention from the approaching start of the second semester in school.

It was probably one of the last scorching-hot days of the year and you were sitting in your garden alone, family’s cat named Leo purring on your lap, when all of a sudden a ball bounced on the grass right in front of you, landing perfectly at your feet and almost scarring Leo to death.

And then, you looked up and saw him.

A pair of big, black doe-like eyes hidden behind a fringe of onyx hair staring at you through the fence curiously. The boy was not much older than you, probably around your age. He was wearing a striped football t-shirt with some popular team name.

You fidgeted slightly on the pavement where you were sitting, glancing at the boy shyly like you didn’t know why he was looking at you so intensely. You noticed a small scar on his left cheek, his knees were bruised, splashed with dirt just like his sneakers.

“Can you give me my ball?” he asked suddenly, startling you.

Your eyes widened. Of course he would talk to you, you scolded yourself, he wants his ball back.

When you didn’t answer immediately, he continued, “I kicked my ball here by an accident. Can you give it to me?” He pointed at the object lying at your feet.

You nodded and picked up the ball from the ground. You threw it over the fence, so it landed directly on the other side.

“Thanks.” the black-haired boy said. “I’m Jungkook, by the way. What’s your name?”

“___.” you responded and the boy, Jungkook, grinned at you friendly, showing his bunny-like smile. He looked cute.

“Bye, ___! See you tomorrow!” he beamed and headed back to his house.

Tomorrow. He wanted to meet up with you and what? Play football? You were petrified, as the eight-years-old girl should be after hearing such thing from a boy.

And just like he promised, Jungkook visited you the next day. He took you to that playground behind your new primary school. You came home with bruised legs and splotches of dirt on your skirt, to your mother’s dismay.

You also came home with a content grin plastered on your face and a new friend.

Unexpectedly, Jungkook appeared to be a pleasant company and you found yourself enjoying his boyish bickering while fulfilling the rest of the summer break doing things your old friends would consider inappropriate for a girl.

You never thought you could be friends with someone like Jungkook. He was a boy, for God’s sake, and your eight-years-old-barbie-phase-self absolutely despised boys. But months passed quickly and you both found yourselves stuck to each other sides. Something in your relationship simply clicked.

The neighborhood you grew up in isn’t a suburban area but it definitely seems more peaceful than busy streets of downtown. You pass by local church, miss Kim’s store and the big, luxurious house owned my Gwon family you dreamt of living in when you were a kid.

And then, approximately two hundred meters further, there is your house.

“Here we are.” Jungkook says, pulling up at his parent’s driveway. They left the gate open, anticipating their son’s arrival.

Jungkook hands you your belongings, offering you sheepish smile. “I thought that once you unpack and eat dinner, we could go to the beach together,” he says, scratching the back of his head. “Of course, only if you want to.”

You don’t give his proposition a second thought. “I’d love to.”

He grins in response and you take it as a sign to leave and finally meet your parents. From the distance you see your mother in the garden, dressed in her usual clothing – black and red checked shirt and cropped denim pants she wears while gardening.

She doesn’t notice you yet, too busy pulling weeds from her precious tulips. You know her better not to creep behind her like that, so you take a deep breath and shout, “Eomma! It’s me!”

She stands up and twirls around to face you. Her eyes visibly widen, like she actually thought her mind is playing tricks on her and she might have misheard you.

“Good Lord, Y/N, sweetie, is that really you?” She throws away her gloves and jogs up to you, enveloping you immadietly in a bear hug. “I missed you so much. Why didn’t you say anything you’re coming?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” you mumble. “Jungkook took me with him.”

At that, your mother pulls away. She arches her brows. “Jungkookie is home as well?” she asks, earning a nod from you in response. “You’re talking with him again?” Her voice is laced with apparent bewilderment but that’s exactly what you expected her reaction to be like.

Your mother is aware you and Jungkook haven’t been keeping in touch for three long years. She was basically your only source of information about him (besides Twitter) thanks to her close friendship with his parents.

“That’s quite a long story. I will tell you everything later.” you say. Well, maybe not entirely everything. You’re for sure going to miss out the parts you’re not proud of.

Your mother doesn’t press you more about it. Instead, she puts her arm around your shoulders and pulls you to her side. “It’s your lucky day sweetie, because we have your favorite bulgogi for dinner. Honey, come here quick!” she shouts and you chuckle, hearing your father responding with: “What is it again?”.

The door to your house creak open, revealing your flustered dad. His expression morphs into a genuine smile when he spots you. “Is it really my daughter or are my eyes deceiving me?” he asks.

‘’Your eyesight is fine, appa. It’s really me.” You come up and give him a small hug. He was never the affectionate type of parent but once you moved out, he let his facade break a little.

From where you’re standing now, you have a clear view of Jeons’ house. Here, fourteen years ago, sitting on your porch, you met Jungkook for the first time. You see his window upstairs, alligned perfectly with yours. You wonder if he’s already there, inside, unpacking in his blue-painted childhood room.

(What if it isn’t painted blue anymore?)

“Come on, let’s go. You’re probably starving.” your mother says, pulling your mind back to the present.

Walking into your house, all you can think about are his tears-filled eyes when you were bidding him goodbye almost ten years ago in his blue bedroom.

It takes you more or less thirty minutes to reach the bay.

When you were younger, you used to ride there by bikes practically every single day during summer. You loved sitting on the beach and observing people enjoying their time; swimming in the sea, kids building sand castles and their mums trying to relax among childlike chatter and the smell coming from nearby fishmonger’s store.

It was Jungkook who discovered the spot underneath pier. His curiosity only a twelve-year-old can posses led him there one day after school. At first, you were rather reluctant to go and didn’t mirror his excitement but once he actually showed you it, you changed your mind completely.

It was a perfect place to hide from the world. You called it a ‘temple’ because it really felt like no one beside you knew about its existence, and that’s what made it sacred to you. When Jungkook moved away you were left to go there by yourself. Without him, it always felt like it was something missing.

Right now, sitting here feels like you’ve you’ve turned back the time.

It’s like you’re eighteen again, running away from the whole world, starting your own rebellion with a cigarette caught between your lips and sun disappearing behind the horizon. Listening to the songs Jungkooks had saved on his old iPod and catching up with everything that happened during the last few months when he was absent in your life.

When you were eighteen you didn’t even know how to smoke properly, blowing out the fume too quickly and stiffing a cough so Jungkook wouldn’t laugh at you. Now it’s a different story.

Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you notice how much he’s changed physically over these five years that have passed. Gone is the baby fat on his cheeks, replaced with sculpted jawline and prominent nose. His hair is longer, falling on his forehead. There’s more piercings on his ears, an expensive watch wrapped around his wrist.

He looks breathtaking. It never occurred to you before just how beautiful Jungkook really is up close, when there’s no flashing cameras around and make-up covering every imperfection on his face with concealer.

This is your Jungkook. The same one whose competitive nature never let you win any of his computer games, who called you after their debut showcase with quivering voice, who always treated you as his equal even when other boys were making fun of him for being friends with a girl. Your Jungkook, who’s too good for this world to be treated so unfairly.

“I think Minho is cheating on me.” you blurt out.

It’s been sitting on your tongue for weeks and now you finally let the words slip. You don’t see his reaction but from the sharp intake of breath you assume it’s not something he’s expected to hear from you.

“Few weeks ago I read a message on his phone from some girl asking when he will be free next time,” you continue before you could stop yourself. “He’s been meeting with her alone behind my back this whole time and I didn’t notice anything until now.” A pair of arms wrap around your frame. Jungkook presses a fleeting kiss to the crown of your head. “I don’t even know if that’s true or I’m overreacting but I just can’t understand how he can lie to me one day and the next propose to move in with him.”

You don’t realise you’re crying until you feel Jungkook hugging you closer to him. You burry you face into his chest as sob after sob shakes your body. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispers, stroking your hair. “I’m here.”

Few minutes pass until you calm down, wiping your tear-stained cheeks with your hand. Jungkook offers you a tissue and you thank him with a small smile. You can only imagine how ridiculous you look right now, with smudges of mascara underneath your eyes and red nose. Not a sight for sore eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just needed to get it off my chest.” you say after a moment.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Y/N. If you need to talk about it, I’m here for you. I’m still your friend, right?” Jungkook asks, meeting your eyes.

You nod, although he’s anything but friend for you. “Right.”

Because friends don’t console each other with burning touches on bare skin. They don’t give into carnality and submit to pleasure, putting it before everything else.

From the corner of your eye, you see Jungkook’s jaw clenching. “I’m gonna kick his ass when I meet him.”

Before you could stop yourself, you mumble, “He should probably kick yours, too.”

Jungkook visibly stiffens, hearing your words. He avoids your eyes, staring down at his lap instead. You wonder what he’s thinking about now. Does he regret his actions? Do you regret letting it happen? No matter how much you know you did wrong, there’s a part of you longing for more. Because with Jungkook, you felt alive. Minho could never compare.

Reuniting with Jungkook after three years made you realize just how much you needed him back in your life. You actually stopped being mad at him the moment he stood in your room for the first time that night, disheveled and sleepy.

You could love him. Perhaps you’ve always did. But he cannot give you more. Nothing besides bitter-sweet pleasure between the sheets.

It’s Jungkook who speaks first.

“I might not be the best man in the world but I would never, ever hurt you like Minho does,” he says and you know he means it. He stares at you intensely. “You do believe me, right?”

“I do.” you whisper truthfully.

He then leans closer and when you think he might actually kiss you, he places a small peck on your forehead. ‘’Good,” he murmurs, still inches from your lips. “Come on, let’s go. It’s getting late and I can practically hear my mum already complaining she doesn’t have enough time to spend with her son.”

You nod aabsentmindedly at his words.

There’s a tough conversation for you to have once you’ll be back in Seoul again. Finding out about Minho’s lies was a point of no return for you. It made you realise you’ve been on this path with your relationship for a while now, missing signs or not paying enough attention to the details.

But what is even more disturbing to you, is that you didn’t let Jungkook warm your bed out of simple frustration or heartache. You did it because you wanted him. And that thought scares you the most.

The first thing Jungkook hears in the morning when he wakes up is the high-pitched chatter and the clutter of pots coming from the kitchen.

He sighs to himself, staring at his blue ceiling. The clock on his bedside table reads 10am and at this rate, it looks like he won’t be getting any more sleep, not when his mum and soon-to-be sister-in-law are making a fuss downstairs preparing for the party.

The strong smell of homemade food invades his senses as soon as he enters the kitchen. He spots his mum putting something in the oven, her usual red and white polka-dot apron adoring her form. Hyerin is right next to her, busy cutting some vegetables and listening tentatively to her mother-in-law’s babbling.

“Good morning.” Jungkook says in a groggy voice followed by a yawn.

“Morning.” Hyerin quips, flashing him a smile.

Jungkook’s mother barely acknowledges his presence, too busy moving around the kitchen and making sure nothing is burning or overcooking. Feeling the first rumble of his stomach, Jungkook opens the fridge and stares blankly at its contents.

Miss Jeon runs her house by the rule the more, the better when it comes to preparing food for special family occasions. Hence why there’s so many different type of products lined up in front of him, just begging to become a remedy for his empty stomach.

“Nu-uh, don’t even think about it!” she chimes in, closing the fridge in front of Jungkook’s face and crushing his dreams about having egg toasts for breakfast. He stares at her with confused expression. “Order yourself something for breakfast, please. We need kitchen to ourselves right now.”

Knowing better not to argue with his mother, Jungkook sighs in defeat and opens the food delivery app on his phone. He chooses the first option that comes to his mind that won’t take too long to make and slumps down onto the couch.

“Eomma, where’s dad and hyung?” he asks, debating whether to turn on the TV or not. He decides on leaving it silent.

“I sent them to the grocery store. They should be back in two hours,” she responds. “Hyerin-ssi, please make sure to keep an eye on the soup. I’ll be right back!” The door to bathroom slams behind her and Jungkook chuckles under his breath.

“Is she giving you hard time?” he asks Hyerin once he knows his mother cannot hear them.

Hyerin looks up to peek a glance in his direction. “Your mum is a lovely person, really, but she can be… a lot sometimes. Especially when she’s stressed.” she says, smiling coyly.

“Tell me about it.”

She lets out a laugh that quickly dies down when aforementioned woman emerges from the bathroom. Instead of heading straight to the kitchen, she makes her way to Jungkook. “What are you planning to do after breakfast, Jungkookie?”

Jungkook shrugs because honestly, he hasn’t given a thought it yet. “I don’t know. Maybe I can help you with something here.” he proposes, although cutting onions and cabbage is the last thing he would like to do.

Fortunately, the grimace on his mother’s face tells her she’s not quite fond of his proposition. “Oh, no, no, no. We’re perfectly fine on our own with Hyerin-ssi. We don’t need extra pair of hands. Why do you think I told Junghyun to go with dad?” she asks rhetorically with raised eyebrows.

Of course Jungkook knows why. Kitchen is his mother’s kingdom. No one steps a foot there while she prepares food unless she permits it herself. Today she’s even more uncompromising about it because it’s the first time Hyerin parents are meeting Junghyun’s. It’s the matter of making a good impression as the host.

“Maybe you could call Y/N and ask her what her plans are? I’m sure she won’t be very busy.” Jungkook’s mother prompts and he feels like he’s ten again, bored on Saturday and wondering what to do with himself. Then, an idea pops in his mind.

“Yeah. You’re right,” he agrees. “I’ll call her.”

Maybe a literal trip down memory lane is everything he needs to feel like himself again.

As predicted, at first you welcomed his idea with a little bit of qualm, yet you said yes nonetheless.

And now here you are, hanging out together at the playground behind your old primary school. Getting there wasn’t an easy task, it required some parkour abilities and jumping over the fence because the place is apparently being locked on weekends now. Ten years ago it used to be your life estate on Saturdays.

You’re currently sat on a swing, watching Jungkook doing pull ups. You have a nagging suspicion that he chose to go on with his daily workout routine right now on purpose but you’re not better yourself, doing rather poor job at ignoring the way his hoodie rides upwards with every move he makes, revealing his toned abdomen.

“Okay, I’m done.” he grunts, letting go of the bar. He plops down on the other swing next you with a heavy exhale. “How many was it?” he then asks, referring to the number of pull ups you were supposed to keep a track off.

For a moment you forget you’re supposed to answer, eyes focused on Jungkook’s throat as he chugs down the whole water bottle.

“Hmm?” he repeats and you quickly snap out of your trance.

“I lost count.” Truthfully, you didn’t even make an attempt to do so. You were too distracted by the act itself to pay attention to anything else, let alone do basic math. Now you do understand all these girls going crazy when they get a glimpse of his sculpted body.

Jungkook rolls his eyes in response and starts swinging himself back and forth. It you recall correctly, he lost one of his front baby teeth here, jumping off the swing.

“I thought a lot of would change here after so many years. But it looks exactly like I remembered it.” he says, slowing down to a halt.

You nod at his words. Apart from a little painting and renovations done here and there, it’s like it all got stuck in time. You’re about to add that your mother told you the infamous principal Choi is still consistently running the school, but Jungkook doesn’t let you vocalize it.

“Wait,” He stands up suddenly and walks to the seesaw swing. You furrow your brows as he crouches on the ground and attentively observes the object, presumably searching for something. “A-ha! Here it is! I knew it still would be there.” he exclaims excitedly after a few seconds.

Confused, you come up to him. “What are you doing?”

“Look,” he says, pointing at the wooden base of the seesaw. At first glance you don’t notice anything but as you get closer, you see what he meant.

Jinyoung + Y/N = ♡ engraved on the swing.

“Oh my god.” you groan, covering your face in embarrassment.

Jungkook ignores your whining and actually snaps a picture of his finding. “You know what’s actually funny? It was me who did this because you didn’t have enough strength.” He giggles, making your cheeks heat up in bright shade of red. “I stole my dad’s pocket knife for it. Such a shame your love story lasted only a week.”

“I’m not listening to you!” you announce and quickly come back to your previous spot on the swing.

Jungkook doesn’t give up easily though, enjoying tormenting you with your pre-teen love life. He follows you, asking, “Wasn’t he your first kiss as well?” You keep your mouth shut, avoiding his eyes. He then clasps his hands. “Yeah, I remember now. Sixth grade. He kissed you here, am I right?”

You wish you could wipe off that smirk from his face.

“I never liked Jinyoung,” he continues, sitting down next to you on the second swing. “But I always wanted to have that black range rover his dad drove.”

Your face heats up even more at the mere mention of Jinyoung and his dad’s car in one sentence. Jungkook can make fun of your silly crush as much he wants, but he doesn’t know one thing.

That your little infatuation had a sequel.

Taking a deep breath, you lean closer to him and ask, “Wanna know a secret?” He sends you a curious look and nods. You brace yourself for what is about to come. “I lost my virginity at the back of that range rover.”

Jungkook chokes on air. His eyes widen in pure shock and you have to fight an urge to laugh at how ridiculous he looks right now, gaping at you with mouth wide open. “What the fuck, Y/N?! Tell me you’re joking, please.”

You sigh, shaking your head. “I wish but unfortunately, that’s true. We went to the same high school and somehow… our paths crossed together again.” you explain.

“And you decided to fuck him in his dad’s car?”

“No, dumbass. We were dating. For whole six months.”

Jungkook sends you a look. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“It’s not like we were talking back then,” you reply sheepishly, toying with the edge of your sweater. Suddenly it’s hard for you to meet his scrutinizing stare. “You stopped responding to my messages a little before I started dating him.”

The atmosphere between you tenses. Jungkook’s expression morphs from astonishment into guilt and you curse yourself for ruining the mood.

Jinyoung is just a mere memory, one of many mistakes you made during your teen years. He wasn’t anyone special to you anymore, he never had been. Not even when he deflowered you on the backseat of his dad’s car one night after some party. You were too drunk to care and too inexperienced to do more than just lie there and take it. With your skirt hiked up and blouse mid-open, wondering if Jinyoung was just as clueless as you when it came to sex or he simply didn’t know how to pleasure women.

What Jungkook doesn’t have to know, is that you jumped into the relationship with Jinyoung to fill the void your best friend created three years ago with unanswered messages and never returned calls. You were lonely in high school, you couldn’t manage to form a close bond with anyone after Jungkook. You hoped Jinyoung was good enough for a replacement.

“What about you then?” you ask to clear the atmosphere. “I told you my secret, now you reveal me yours.”

To loosen up the tension a bit, you decide to play the quid pro quo card. Partially out of curiosity, but mostly because you feel like you’ve exposed yourself too much in a short period of time. It will only be fair if he gives you the same in return.

Jungkook smiles bashfully. For the person who had done many dirty things to you before, he sure looks shy now. “I was nineteen as well. She was a friend of a friend, four years older than me. We met a party, flirted a little and one thing led to another,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ve never seen here after that. She tried to contact me but I just… I didn’t want to commit to something more.”

Is he ready for more now? you wonder silently. The question stays at the tip of your tongue though. You can’t wish for more when everything he’s able to provide is a few, quick moments of blissful relief between the sheets when sun goes down.

But what if you want more? What if you’ve always, subconsciously, felt like you belonged together but universe decided to split you apart? What if you’ve always been in love with your best friend?

The realization hits you like a tsunami. All these years, you spent denying your feelings for him. And when there’s a chance for you act on them, you back away.

Because even if he’s now inches from you, he seems out of your reach.

By the time you gulp down your third glass of champagne, Jungkook’s brother’s engagement party is in full swing.

Junghyun and Hyerin didn’t invite many people to celebrate. It’s a small, family gathering. Your parents were invited thanks to the almost twenty-years-long friendship with Jeons, which started when you moved into the new house next to theirs.

Jungkook looks painfully handsome dressed in black suit pants and emerald green button-up shirt. His raven hair is styled the way you like the most, parted in the middle and revealing his forhead. You, on the other hand, are wearing a simple, long-sleeved navy blue dress you’ve had on multiple occasions before but it’s still your top go-to garment when you have nothing else to put on.

“Have I told you look great tonight, buttercup?”

Turning around, you’re met with Junghyun’s smiling face. Of course he would approach you with his childhood nickname for you that used to make your heart flutter.

Besides his hair color, there’s little resemblance between him and Jungkook when it comes to appearance. While Jungkook took a lot after their father, Junghyun is almost a cardboard copy of their mum. Even their characters are two polar opposites. Junghyun is the more outgoing, boisterous type but Jungkook still tends to act introverted towards strangers.

And paradoxically, it’s the younger brother who’s making a career in entertainment industry.

“Shouldn’t you be complementing your fiancée instead?” you ask, accepting another glass of Martini Junghyun hands you.

“As you can see, she’s busy being interrogated by my mother.”

From the corner of your eye, you see Hyerin nodding along to whatever miss Jeon is telling her right now, expressively gesturing. It’s her brand to do so. Your father says that she talks with her mouth and hands simultaneously.

“I’m sure Hyerin-ssi went through it already when they were preparing food together earlier today.” you joke.

Junghyun chuckles, having a seat next to you. He sends quick, supportive thumbs-up to to his girlfriend when she glances at him from the spot she occupies on the couch. You can’t help but coo at the sight.

“So,” you quip, “when’s the wedding?”

“Next year in August,” Junghyun answers. “You’re obviously invited as well.”

You smirk around the champagne glass. “I wouldn’t miss seeing my childhood crush getting married.”

Junghyun laughs at that, throwing his head back. After a moment he adds, “It’s funny though, how you were gushing over me when the boy who had heart eyes for you was right under your nose.”

You arch a brow. “You mean Jungkook? He had a crush on me?”

“If course he did. You were the only girl who talked to him and moreover, you always helped him with his homework and you know how bad he was at algebra,” Junghyun says, sending you a knowing look. That much is true. Jungkook did suck at Math and could not, for crying out loud, interact with girls. “If he could, he would’ve taken you with him to Seoul all those years ago.”

Your eyes involuntarily drift to aforementioned boy, standing with his father in the kitchen. They are looking at something your dad is showing them on his phone, probably pictures of the car he recently renovated.

(A classic Chevrolet Camaro 1969. For all you know it looked like Damon’s car in Vampire Diaries.)

You can see Jungkook’s eyes growing big as he stares down at the screen. Obviously, he’s genuinely amazed with what he sees. You can only hope your dad won’t try persuading him to sell his luxurious Mercedes and buy something vintage instead.

“Why didn’t ever tell me that?” you ask, your voice quivery. You take another gulp of your drink to soothe the emotions bubbling in your chest and you barely succeed.

Junghyun shrugs his shoulders in response. “Would it change anything? You were thirteen-year-old kids back then and he was moving out to another city to make his big dream come true.”

Pursing your lips, you nod. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

You don’t know exactly what Jungkook feels for you right now. Back when you were teenagers, it was just a fleeting attraction. Perhaps he thought about you this way because you were a girl who liked spending time with him.

“I know him giving up your friendship was a dick move but you have to believe me that this boy has been really lost these past three years. Now he’s trying to find himself again, to become a better version of himself,” Junghyun remarks. “He needs his best friend to help him do so.”

Turning once again to look at Jungkook, you catch him staring right back at you. He flashes a cheeky grin and completely fails winking at you. You’re lips automatically stretch into a smile seeing his goofiness. You like that side of him. It suits him.

“I think I need to go save my fiancee from my mother.” Junghyun whispers, catching you off guard. He follows your line of sight and smirks to himself. “Go talk to him. I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind snatching Jungkook for a bit.” Unlike his younger brother, he lands a perfect wink.

Like beckoned, Jungkook approaches you when Junghyun leaves the table. “Aren’t you a little sad he’s getting married, buttercup?” It’s the first thing that night he says to you.

Fighting an urge to snort, you ask, “Aren’t you tired of being jealous I chose Junghyun-oppa as the object of my affection and not you when we were kids?”

Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek, manifesting his irritation. You relish in it even more now, having the knowledge he used to pin after you. He ignores your witty retort though completely.

“Want to get out of here for a while?”

Your heart skips a beat. “Where?” you blurt out, looking around the room for any place comfortable for you to stay in for a while.

“Isn’t it obvious?” When you raise your brows in question he adds, “To your house, of course.”

“But–”

He shooshes you with a finger on his lips. “No buts, Miss Grumpy. It’s been ages since I’ve been in your room. Do you still have that Edward Cullen’s poster above your bed?” he asks and this time, you actually land a punch to his arm.

Downing the rest of your champagne, you get up from the chair. “Shall we?”

“Ladies first.”

“I still can’t understand why did you really hang a poster of some pale dude above your bed.”

You’re climbing up the stairs to your room, and Jungkook is in the middle of his rant about Why Twilight Has Ever Been A Thing. You’re ten seconds from pointing out his teenage female crushes one by one, starting with IU just to rile him up.

“It’s just weird for me,” he huffs upon taking one last step to the top.

You whip your head to send him a glare. “Do you really want me to say the same thing about your fans worshipping your posters?” you ask, eyes narrowed. “You’re out of their reach just like Edward Cullen was out of mine when I was fourteen.”

He points his finger at you. “But he’s a fictional vampire and I’m real.”

“Exactly!”

You leave him with that, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and open the door to your room.

“So you did get rid of him after all.”

Nothing really much changed in your childhood room since you moved out four years ago. Your walls are still painted in lavender but the posters are long gone, much to Jungkook’s dismay. There is a bookshelf with all your favorite positions (Twilight included) standing directly next to the desk which is now pearl white, just like the rest of your furniture.

Before you can say anything, Jungkook plops down onto your bed. “You still got them though,” he murmurs and you glance in his direction, waiting for him to elaborate on what he means. He raises his finger to the ceiling. “Those yellow stars that shine when it’s dark. You have the same in your apartment in Seoul.”

“Oh, yeah,” you awkwardly reply, looking up. “I put them there so I can have something reminding me of home.”

Truth to be told, you are a sentimental person. The very best evidence of your heart’s weakness is the corkboard with old photos in your apartment. As cheesy as it might sound, it gives you a sense of comfort.

Jungkook hums at that and pats the spot next to him with his hand. “Come lay with me.” he proposes.

“Why?” you ask, although you sit down on the bed anyway.

“Because I want you to,” he grumbles and places his palm on your stomach, pushing you to lay flat. “There you go.”

It reminds you of old days, how you used to lay down with him like that on your bed and just do nothing, simply staring at the constellations on your ceiling in silence or speaking about trivial things.

Life was much easier back then, when there was no cameras flashing around and capturing every move your best friend makes. When you were just two kids with head full of dreams and dragging on forever doing your Chemistry homework. When you were each other’s beginning and end, yin and yang, sun and moon and the starry sky above you.

It slips off your tongue eventually, what have you been meaning to ask him since the beginning of your illicit affair. And now it seems like you’ve finally reached the point of no return. “What are we, Jungkook?”

You turn your head to the side, staring at his right profile. His chiseled jawline, black lashes ghosting the skin of your cheeks. He opens his eyes slowly, focusing his sight on you but you quickly look away.

“You know damn well that we aren’t just friends anymore. Maybe we’ve never been,” You sit up straight from your position, finally gaining enough courage to face the matter. “You can’t play with my emotions like that and expect me not to catch any feelings for you. You’re confusing me so much, Jungkook. I don’t think I can go on like that any more.”

You feel his palm on the small of your back, comforting and bringing you a brief wave of solace. He follows suit, getting up from his position as well. “Look at me,” he murmurs and you jerk your head to the side. You don’t want him to see you like this again - vulnerable and exposed. “Please, ___.”

It’s his pleading voice that makes you succumb to his request. Hesitantly, you accept his touch on your cheek and meet his doe eyes, two black charcoals shining in the dim lighting of your childhood room. He has the same look in them as you saw the first time he kissed you. If the teeth worrying his bottom lip are anything to go by, you could mistake it for nervousness.

“I shouldn’t feel that way about you,” Jungkook finally says. “I shouldn’t wake up with an urge to text you because if I didn’t, my day would be incomplete. I shouldn’t picture us doing mundane things like cooking ramen in your apartment or picking you up from work,” he recites, voice laced with an emotion you can’t quite put the name on. Or maybe you do.

It’s longing.

“I shouldn’t imagine us being together because I can’t give you all of these things, ___.” Lone tear slides down your cheek and he catches it with his thumb. “I’m so, so sorry.”

You’re shaking your head, because no, he shouldn’t apologize for the world’s unfairness, for wanting to have more of you, of freedom. “Jungkook–” you start but he’s quick to interrupt you.

“I told you this before and I’m repeating it now: you deserve so much better than what I can give you, ___.”

He tries to distance himself, to back away and leave because that’s what he’s a master of but you beat him to it, extending your index finger and poking him right in the middle of his chest. “Now you listen to me, Jeon Jungkook,” you urge, not caring about your tear-strained cheeks and shaky voice. “I’m a very stubborn person, and you know that. If I wanted to leave you, I would’ve kicked you out of my apartment the day your drunk ass stormed back into my life.”

He smiles sheepishly, putting a strand of hair behind your ear. “And why didn’t you do that?” he asks, his palm not leaving your cheek.

“Because more than anything, I’ve never stopped caring about you,” It’s almost a whisper. “No matter how hurt I was, I couldn’t let you slip away from my reach again.”

And then he’s leaning even closer, lips almost touching yours yet it feels like it’s not enough. It’ll never be. “___,” he murmurs your name softly, breath smelling of champagne hot on your skin. You feel dizzy, drunk on him. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

You both know it’s a white lie, that as soon as you’re back in Seoul the reality will brutally kick you in but you let yourself for a moment indulge in this fantasy – that you’re his and he’s yours. You’re on the opposite sides of the spectrum, yet you cannot be separated.

And you need to hear him say it.

“Promise?”

Jungkook seals it with a kiss, the one that leaves you breathless and pliant in his arms, blindly reaching for him and pulling him closer with your hands on his neck. “Promise.” he whispers, eyes trained on yours.

For now, it has to be enough.

Then, as if he can’t hold himself back any longer, he dives in for more, hands finding purchase on your hips. He’s tugging you closer until you’re perched on top of his thighs, feeling the hard flesh flexing underneath your weight. It feels familiar; that funny, pulsing sensation building up in your core when he swipes his tongue over your bottom lip to meet yours. It makes you tangle your fingers in his black locks and pull, just to hear him groan into your mouth.

But there’s another pressing matter on your mind and before you can go any further, you’re pulling away from his lips with a light smack. Jungkook doesn’t take the hint though, anchoring your hips over his crotch.

“Wait,” you mumble in between kisses, biting down the moan that almost tears from your throat when he uses the grip on your body to grind down on him. “What about the party? What if parents will come home and–”

“Shhh,” He silents you with a peck on your quivery lips. “They won’t. The party has barely started. And even if they do come home, you’ll just have to be quiet, right?” Something about his tone makes you nibble on your bottom lip to suppress a whimper. He sees it, and leans down to kiss your throat. “Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Mhm,” you mewl, angling your neck to give him more access. He sucks a mark right above your sternum and it almost distracts you from asking him one more thing. “Jungkook,”

He licks a stripe up the column of your throat and looks at you, lips shining with saliva. “What is this?”

Despite the urge to kiss him stupid right here and there, you cup his cheeks and repeat the same question that led you to this very moment. “What are we?”

Jungkook looks like a living sin with his blown out pupils and disheveled hair yet his gaze is nothing less than affectionate. He brings one of your hands to his lips and places a kiss on your knuckles. “Whatever you want us to be,” he responds, sincere. “You know I never give up without trying.”

You nod, a small smile dancing on your features. “I know.”

He captures your mouth in another kiss, like he’s trying to prove his statement with actions; sucking, biting, kneading your supple flesh just right. Suddenly there’s too many clothes separating you and your fingers grip his silk shirt in faint attempt to satisfy your yearning to feel him fully.

As if reading your mind, Jungkook stops mid-decorating your neck with yet another red mark. “Get up and take off your dress for me, baby.” he says, all soft but still demanding enough to make your knees wobble. As much as you love the dominant side of him, you’re enjoying this new-found softness of his.

You comply to his request in an instant, raising from his lap to a standing position. Your fingers travel to your backside and pull the zipper down. Your dress falls on the floor with light thud, leaving you in your underwear. It’s matching but not your best pick nonetheless; simple black lace bra and cotton panties. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind though, two antsy hands gently pulling you closer to him until you’re in between his thighs.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, leaning down to press a feathery kiss on your belly. You let out a shaky sigh, trying to avert your gaze away from his burning stare but he destroys your attempt. “Don’t shy away from me now.” A squeeze to your hip is a warning. You give in, looking down just to see him smirking right back at you.

“I won’t if you take off your clothes as well.” you challenge despite your trembling voice.

He gets up, towering over your figure. “Undress me then.” Your shaky fingers reach for the buttons, opening one by one. He watches your movements attentively, lets you run your palms over his broad chest. His silky shirt joins your dress on the floor as you fumble with his belt buckle.

There’s something intimate about this moment. It’s not the first time you’re seeing each other naked yet everything feels new, unchartered. You’re exploring each other again, mapping your bodies with subtle touches and observant eyes.

Jungkook strips off his slacks, steps off his shoes along with socks. He sends you a cheeky grin. “Now we’re even.” He swallows your giggle with his mouth, not wasting any more time and pressing you against his body.

You moan when you feel his erection touching your hip. He uses it as an opportunity to slither his tongue inside, each experienced lick making it hard for you to follow his tempo. You go lax in his hold, letting him snap your bra open. He maneuvers your body until you’re laying on your back and he’s straddling your waist.

“So pretty,” he marvels, palms caressing your breasts. Your nipples harden under his ministrations, breathy moan escaping your lips when he pinches them. “Such a pretty baby.” he repeats, lost in touching every part of you he can reach.

Jungkook peppers kisses on your belly, hands travelling to your thighs. He leans to kiss you on your panty-clad mound. You mewl at the sensation, unconsciously sliding your legs wide open and giving him more access to your center. “Can I eat you out?” he asks, continuing mouthing over your pussy. When you don’t answer him in time, he slaps your thigh in reprimand. ‘’Hmm?”

“Please,” you whimper, mind send into overdrive. Minho rarely went down on you and you almost forgot how good it feels to have someone’s mouth on you.

Jungkook grasps your underwear and pulls it down your legs, revealing your dripping pussy to his hungry eyes. His breath tickles your folds, sheets grasped tightly between your fingers. Jungkook kitten-licks your pulsing clit, eyes trained on your face to see every small reaction he emits from you.

“Jungkook,” you keen, hips rising to chase after his mouth.

He nibbles on your thigh playfully, flashing you a sly smile. “What do you want, doll?”

It’s the ‘doll’ that makes you whine pitifully at him. He relishes in it, sucking your clit into his mouth as an apology for his teasing. You whimper, “Please, I want more. Give me more.”

‘’Demanding, are we?” he snorts but complies anyway. No matter how much he loves hearing you beg, he enjoys eating you out more. He covers you your pussy with his mouth, tongue swiping over your sensitive numb. He licks up clean your soaking slit, not missing a single drop of your pearly arousal.

He groans at the taste and throws your legs over his shoulders. He pulls you even closer to him until his face is burried between thighs. Your fingers wander to his hair on their own accord, threading into his silky strands. After a harsh suck he abuses your clit with, you pull. It spurs him on even more, a groan mouthed against your pussy causing even more slick to drip down your opening.

“Tell me how good it feels.” he mumbles, glancing up at your face. You focus your sight on him, his chin is shining with translucent substance, hair tangled and sweaty against his forehead.

“So good,” you mewl.

“Yeah? That good?” Jungkook asks, tone almost mocking. You’re now only nodding in response, your cunt pulsing with a need to release. “Can you cum for me like this, baby?” he mouths along your folds.

“Please, please,” You’re nearly crying, tears pricking in the corners because the pleasure is too much to bear. Your clit throbs, eyes rolling to the back of your head. “Oh my god–Kook!”

“Good girl,” He rewards you with two slender fingers pushing inside your pussy, searching for that one stop that makes your insides flutter. “My pretty baby, tastes so sweet for me.” he rasps before licking a stripe up your cunt.

His digits slide even deeper into you. It sounds sinfully wet but you don’t care, accepting whatever he gives you. And give does he, plunging his fingers repeatedly inside and flicking his tongue against your bud – a perfect symphony to finally send you over the edge.

“There you go,” he murmurs, feeling your walls tightening around his fingers. More juices leak out of your hole and he drinks them up eagerly. “My pretty girl doing so good for me.”

He prolongs your orgasm until you stop him with a breathy whimper of, “’m sensitive.”

Jungkook gets up to hover over your shaking body. He opens your mouth with a deep, wet kiss. You taste your arousal on his tongue, feeling no longer foreign and eliciting a moan out of you. His length presses against your hip, hard and straining his briefs. With a surge of boldness you reach down, rolling his underwear off his body. His cock slaps against his abdomen, curved tip leaking precum.

Nibbling on your bottom lip you watch as his hand encloses around his member, giving it a few pumps. He groans, head thrown back. Your eyes focus on the sweat dripping down his sculpted body all the way from his neck down his chest. Jungkook is a sight for sore eyes– slim waist, toned thighs. Everything about him is mesmerizing.

He settles between your legs, cock prodding at your folds. “You sure?” he asks, searching for your eyes.

You don’t answer him verbally this time and he doesn’t press about it. Instead you open your legs even wider, a small smile dancing on your features as you nod. You’re welcoming the stretch with a drawn out moan. He pushes himself inside slowly, until he’s flushed against your pelvis, his neatly trimmed pubic hair tickling your skin.

“Fuck,” he curses, hands coming up to grip your sides so tightly you’re sure they’ll leave fingertip bruises. “You’re so perfect, baby. Made for me.” He leans to press a kiss on your mouth, tongue lazily lacing with yours. It’s messy, saliva trickling down your chin but you don’t care, reciprocating with vigor.

Jungkook pulls away and places one last peck on your cheek. “Ready?” he murmurs.

You couldn’t be more than. “Ready.”

He picks up the pace, blindly reaching for your legs to make you encircle his waist. You’ve never fucked in this position before, with him so close to your face you could practically taste the sweat dripping off his body on your lips. He relishes in having you like this, palms caressing every square inch of your flesh.

‘’God, I missed having you like this, doll,” he grunts. He props his hand next to your head and it gives him leverage to hammer himself faster into your cunt. “Do you like how I’m fucking you?” he asks and you keen in response. He doesn’t seem to be satisfy with your reaction. “Too fucked out to speak?” You hear him chuckling evily into your ear.

“Shit, Jungkook,” you whimper, throwing your hands over his neck. His skin his hot and slippery under your touch. He rams himself even harder into you, hips never losing the rhythm. You feel the pressure building up in your abdomen already, reducing you to mewling mess underneath him. “I-I love it. So, so much.” you stammer out.

“Yeah?” he prompts, fingers slipping down your belly to toy with your clit. “Love how my cock is fucking you?”

“Yes, yes–fuck,” you chant. “So good.”

He loses himself in you, in the way how tight you feel around his cock. He tells you this, spits filthy obscenities into your ear and punctuates it with deep strokes inside you. He wants to have you like this forever, keep you to himself and hide from the whole world.

It’s selfish of him to think that way but he can’t help it, not when you’re moaning so pretty when he tightens his grip on your waist and rails you harder into the mattress. Not when you’re there when he needs you, when you’re his lifeboat bringing him back to the land (sanity).

He wants to see you smile for him, because of him. Wants to call you his. And that’s what he asks you to, begs in stranded voice. “Say you’re mine,” You’re shaking your head, tears threatening to spill from your eyes but he needs to hear you say it even if it’ll be just this once. “Please, tell me you’re mine, ___.”

Your whole body shudders from pleasure. You open your quivery lips but nothing comes out of it except for a broken whimper of his name. “J-jungkook–”

“Please,” he pleads once again, entangling your hands from around his neck and pinning them over your head instead. “Say nobody will ever make you feel this way. Fuck you until you cry,” he continues, fingers circling your nub with ferocity. “Fucking say it!”

You sob, pleasure rippling through your body and throwing you off the edge. “I’m yours,” you whisper hoarsly, staring into his dark orbs. “Yours, yours, yours!” you repeat, creaming his cock with your release.

“Fuck,” Jungkook groans and you don’t know it’s because of your confession or your walls constracting around his member. Maybe it’s the mixture of both. “You’re mine just like I’m yours.” he spits as the orgasm approaches him, shuddering through his whole body. He comes with a call of your name, spilling himself inside.

You whimper at the sensation, your arousal mixing with his and dripping from your hole. Jungkook lets go of your wrists, pressing a peck on each of them. His palm cups your cheek and he leans down to kiss you. It’s lazy, your mouths barely moving but it feels good anyway.

He’s in the middle of pulling his softening cock out of your core when you hear your mum’s voice.

“___, honey, are you here?” She’s downstairs, approximately forty-five seconds from reaching your room.

Jungkook sends you a panicked look. “Go lock my door!” you hiss.

He obliges quickly, naked butt jogging across the room to twist the key. You can’t help but giggle as he tiptoes to the bed again. He puts a hand over your mouth and murmurs, “Shhh, be quiet.”

Your mum’s heels clink on the stairs. Few seconds later she’s knocking on your door. “___, are you there?” she asks. You’re praying she won’t twist the handle because in that case you’ll have a lot of awkward explaining to do. Fortunately, she gives up. “I guess they went for a walk.”

By ‘they’ she means you and Jungkook who’s currently stifling a laugh against your shoulder. “Well, maybe not for a walk but something equally energy-draining.” he whispers. You elbow him in the stomach, making him chuckle even harder.

When you hear the door to your house closing, you let out a breath of relief. “I knew fucking in my childhood bedroom wasn’t a good idea.”

Jungkook smirks. “You sure about that?” he teases, squeezing your hip. It makes you roll your eyes but you don’t hide the smile on your face afterwards anyway.

Jungkook reaches for your panties and rolls you onto your back, carefully cleaning you up and then himself. He tucks you beneath the covers, encircling your body with his arm. You relish in the heat radiating of him, pressing your cheek right where his heart beats.

“You’ve never told me what would be my biography’s title.” Jungkook says after a moment.

You smile to yourself, fingertips drawing patterns on his skin absentmindedly. “I’d call it ‘Lost Star’.” you answer.

“Because I’m a troublesome celebrity?” he chuckles and you shake your head.

“Well, of course you can interpret it like that but for me it has more of a metaphorical sense,” you explain. “You’re a star, like those on the sky, which got lost and came to Earth instead. That’s why you’re so special. Because you’re out of this world.”

“I’m no special,” Jungkook grumbles, pouting.

You sit up from your position to look him in the eyes. “You’re wrong, Jeon Jungkook. And I think I’m not the only person who thinks the same,” you urge. He meets your gaze and you realise how young he looks right now. Young and boyish. “You make thousands of people smile because of your music. That’s a special ability to me.”

He flashes you a small smile. “I’ve never thanked you for believing in me from the very beginning.” he says, cupping your cheek in his palm.

“Always.”

You drift off to sleep with his voice humming softly in your ears.

[4 months later]

“Bangtan Sonyeondan are currently at the Incheon International Airport, leaving for their upcoming world tour. Their first show will be held this Saturday in Los Angeles and–”

You walk into the living room and sit on the sofa, staring at the pictures Korean press took of Jungkook and his bandmates while they were departing to US. They are dressed in their casual clothing and you know the fans are going to freak out seeing Jungkook’s hair has gotten long enough to tie it in a man bun. You’re almost sure the news have already spread on Twitter.

The TV is too big for your liking but Jungkook insisted on buying it anyway. You can almost see the pimple on his cheek he woke up with this morning. It makes you smile involuntarily.

Rest of the design in his–now yours as well– apartment was mainly your idea. He bought it without telling you because he knew you would freak out. And you did, obviously, call him crazy. But he didn’t mind. Told you he needed a space for himself for a very long time and now he has someone to share it with.

The house feels empty without him. It’s too spacious for one person and when he’s not around, you feel like intruder. But you’ve put on your big girl shoes this morning after a passionate round of love making and teary-eyed goodbyes. You won’t slip them off until he will come home to you in two months.

He promised he would show you Paris and London. You know he will keep that promise, although you aren’t sure you’ll be able to make it with your new job. After breaking up with Minho, Jungkook encouraged you to try sending your drafts to different publishing companies. And one of them responded positively.

You check your phone–your smiling face meeting you on the lockscreen. Jungkook’s smooching your cheek, but prying eyes wouldn’t be able to tell it’s him from that angle. His last text message is from fifteen minutes ago.

[5:55pm] jungkook:

We’re departing in 20 minutes

I’m missing you already so much:(

You reply, although he’s probably fast asleep like he always does during flying.

[6:01pm] me:

Miss u too!!

And you mean it. You’re missing him when he’s at his dance practice, when he’s in the studio. But it has to be enough for now.

The dates he takes you for have to be in the confines of your apartment. You can’t go for a walk and hold his hand or kiss him in public. He said you needed to wait for the tour to end to discuss publicly announcing your relationship. You’re wondering what’s better: forever hiding or being judged for every step you take.

You’re a strong girl, he once told you. And you’ll continue being one. For the two teenagres on the beach smiling to the camera in the framed photo next to your TV.

However long it takes.

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