#i am making this solely for me but pretending like other people are interested. It's good for the self esteem

[ranvwoop]

I have textured 42 little guys. if anyone was wondering how that's going about

[stuck-writing-sickos]

Slick (yandere coworker)

ONE

[Masterlist]

T/w: suggestive, violence, gore

So you got jokes, don't you now?

You notice my keen interest, and it makes you nervous. I'm sorry to see your darting eyes searching for an escape whenever I approach you, but that is all I will be sorry for. You see, I don't care if you find me off-putting: I like to see whichever way you react.

I have drifted through a couple of countries. I assume so have you. Cultures may vary, but under laws, social etiquettes, cuisine and fashion, we all aren't so different. We eat and sleep. We feel good when we get what we want, and we feel bad if we don't. And since not everyone is aware of how similar we are, most of us like people who agree with us a little (or sometimes, unfortunately, a lot) more than the rest. You would assume I am a cynic, but I in fact celebrate this persistent likeness among us all. I think it is humanity. Wouldn't you agree?

And what I rejoice in even more so is the effort that we put into controlling these primal instincts. Self control - a rare and remarkable virtue. You work hard on it: punctual, courteous, and moderate on all front. I like to see it, the way you resist your emotions at any given point to upkeep this image. What minotaur are you keeping away in this intricate prison you have built? Let me in.

You see, I don't want to sleep with you. Sure... it would be nice, but that isn't my end-goal at all. If I were to, it would have been out of morbid curiosity. I want more than sex. I need to know you like an autopsy. I want to cut you open, peeling through your skin, cutting through your muscles, and opening you up to take a look at the way your organs are arranged. I will be precise, I promise, in both slicing you open and sealing you back up. All I want to do is look.

With how wary you are around me, I didn't expect for you to say yes to dinner. Maybe you were sick of eating alone, or maybe you just felt rude not to. Either way, I could tell that whichever reasons compelled you, it wasn't about me at all. No matter.

Again, this isn't about you.

You courteously ordered the mid-range price item. I asked if you were sure. You said you liked that dish. Do you, now? I didn't correct you. You refused wine, even when you were not driving home. You didn't think I would notice you coming in from an Uber, did you? I pretended not to see you coming in - you're not the sole clever one between us. I didn't push it anyhow. I liked what I was seeing: you were cautious and observant, safe under you soft-spoken exterior.

You asked me questions. You wanted to know where I grew up, if I had any siblings, how college was for me,... so on and so forth. You didn't answer any of mine - not really. I got a little antsy, I admit. Not every day do I see someone not keen on talking about themselves.

So you got my history and I got that you grew up "pretty far from here", that your hometown was "quaint but charming", that you went to college for "a degree you "aren't even practicing right now". Funny. You got jokes, don't you? You gave me a little taste of my own medicine. I felt as if we were trying to meet eyes through our own microscopes.

I didn't push you to open up. I thought entertaining your questions would loosen your guard eventually, but you were committed to your fortress. Fine... all good. I could still watch the way you move, precise and gentle as you maneuver around the table with candles, empty glasses and flower vase. You were too smooth, as if holding back a force. It was as if I was looking at a pressure cooker. This level of management implied, at least - from my humble opinion - a boiling chaos from underneath. After all, equilibrium can only be attained by equal forces.

You kept yourself so effortlessly mysterious, it made me wonder why you would even go on this date with me. I bumbled my way through the food and dessert, antsy and eager to see a crack on your mask to no use. I suppose you got into my head... not the other way around. Still, you kept me going - your elusiveness thrilled me.

As I said, I like anomalies.

You got me so good, that by the end of the night past all the talking and electricity, my confidence took such a hit that I offered to drive you home with my tail between my legs. I would love to say I was taking it slow, that I was enjoying the process of solving the puzzle that you were, but truth is I was ashamed of myself. You didn't unravel the way I hoped you would, and I protected myself with the conviction that you were a robot, and that I wasn't that interested in your process after all.

So you could imagine the surprise when you tilted your head with the most deviously clueless look and said "really? I didn't think I was going home."

[featherandferns]

rumours : where are they now?

jj maybank x grumpy!fem!reader

content warnings: mentions of sex and drugs

word count: 1.2k.

read rumours | Thank you so so much for 1000 followers!!! Since starting this blog in May of 2023, I have written so many characters and storylines. I get so many lovely anon messages telling me about their favourite universes and wondering what happens next after my fics have ended. So, I thought to celebrate 1000 followers, I’d indulge. Here’s the (current) where are they now for all of my fics so far…

There was a rumour that you didn’t like Sarah Cameron. 

“Did you know Sarah’s scared of you?”

You frown and turn your head to face JJ. Your feet are sprawled out on his lap and one of his hands is occupied by rubbing the sole of your foot absentmindedly over your sock. His other is fidgeting with his lighter, a small tick you’d picked up on a while ago, and one that was somehow both adorable and sexy. 

“What?” you chuckle. 

“Yeah, she’s full on fucking scared of you.”

“That’s stupid,” you grumble. His finger slips to a ticklish spot and you flinch. He apologies and the two of you continue. 

“I think that she thinks that you don’t like her,” JJ explains. 

“I don’t like most people,” you shrug. “She shouldn’t take it personally.”

“You like me though,” JJ says. You frown at him, pretending to contemplate it, and JJ squishes that same ticklish spot to make you crack. Squealing, you try to wriggle out of his hold but his other hand abandons the lighter, latching around your lower leg and keeping you in place. 

“Get off me, freak,” you giggle, trying to sound vindictive. 

JJ laughs quietly as he pulls you towards him. You know what he’s after and he won’t let up until you indulge. Sighing, as if it’s some great burden, you lean over and press a kiss to his cheek. He’s quick though. JJ turns his head and presses his lips to yours, kissing you with such fever that it makes you laugh. It only gets funnier with how you feel him twitch under his sweatpants, against your feet. 

“You’re such a guy,” you light-heartedly berate. 

“Damn straight,” JJ grins boyishly. “Your guy.”

“Unfortunately,” you grin, kissing him again. Then, feeling the need to clarify, “I do like Sarah, by the way. She doesn’t need to be scared of me.”

JJ reconnects your lips, giving the slightest of nods. Breaking apart, you lean to retrieve the television remote from the coffee table. 

“Which one’s this one?” JJ asks. 

“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” you reply, clicking on the title and pressing play. 

The two of you get situated, comfortable on JJ’s couch (his dad out somewhere, giving you both some peace). JJ rolls a joint as the opening credits start. He’d traded in smoking cigarettes for smoking joints, and whilst you still didn’t love it, it was a lesser of two evils. 

As a way for JJ to make it up to you, he’d agreed to watch all the movies he claimed he liked when he was first trying to score you. That education journey turned into weekly movie nights, with JJ pretending to be tortured every time despite obviously enjoying each one you showed him. He liked the Clint Eastwood ones especially, which did not surprise you in the slightest. The ones with the cowboys and the gunfights and the plots that are as loosely tied together as a pasta necklace. 

It was hard to trust him again. Harder still to believe him. You hated that it was that way and hoped that with time it would pass. There didn’t feel as though there was a wall up between the two of you, but you did feel as though you still held yourself back just slightly. You couldn’t help it. You were careful to let people in as it was and after being made a fool of once, you were in no hurry to relive it again. Especially now, when your feelings had only grown for him. It’s so annoying how easy it is to love JJ Maybank. What an asshole. 

“I am proud of the earrings. Heirlooms, you know. Been in the family for ages.”

“You’d never know it - they look just like new!”

“Oh…quite. You might be interested in my tiara. I always carry it with me - afraid to leave it in the state room.”

“And you’re not afraid to show it to Lorelia?” 

“Now stop, she won’t know you’re teasing.”

You glance over to JJ to check he’s enjoying it. As much as you liked to pretend to give him hell for what he did, you didn’t want to subject him to something he didn’t care for. He always said he liked to read the things you would write and produce on your gifted typewriter (arguably the most important and valuable thing in your bedroom). You’d taken to making short movies and films, signing up for a video class at school, and he insisted on watching every picture. It wasn’t all one sided though: you’d join him to surf and fish and had tried to get him to teach you how to skate. He’d introduced you to his friends and you liked them - especially Sarah Cameron. You just weren’t particularly good at being approachable. You didn’t do the hugging and gossiping thing with your friends. Instead, you preferred to sit and observe and listen, and pass judgement only from time to time. 

When you look at JJ, you’re surprised to find his gaze already set on you. Quietly laughing, you furrow your brows as if to silently ask ‘what is it?’ You can see the effect of the weed already setting in by his demeanour. 

“What’d I do to get you?” JJ asks. 

“You were paid by a guy to take me out,” is your deadpan response. 

He rolls his eyes and tosses his head back. “Come on, man!”

“I’m kidding!” you giggle, poking his chest with your foot. “You were cursed in a past lifetime, is what I meant to say.”

“Hell of a curse,” JJ grins, seemingly to himself. 

“I’ll say,” is your snorting response. “Do you like the movie?”

The two of you glance back to the screen as if prompted by your question. Marilyn Monroe, beautiful blonde hair almost shining through the old saturated screen, sits pretty in a purple sweater. The tiara has just been planted on her head, sparkling every which way with every tiny diamond. 

“You’d look good in that,” JJ mumbles. 

“The tiara?”

“Yup.”

“Aw. You too, babes.”

“I’m serious,” JJ chuckles. The two of you turn your attention gladly back on one another. “Marilyn Monroe ain’t got a thing on you.”

“Maybe if I give you fifty bucks you’ll think different,” you can’t help but joke. JJ tosses his head back with another award winning groan. 

“Dude! Seriously? I'm tryn'a be romantic here.” 

Feeling slightly bad - worried your borderline cruel sense of humour might be too much - you practically crawl into his lap. Your fingers stroke lovingly at his jaw, coaxing his face to meet yours. Smiling, you lean forward and tenderly press your lips onto his: a delightful feeling of arousal and peacefulness stirring inside you when you do. Breaking apart, you whisper against his mouth: 

“No regrets, screw-boy.”

He kisses you again. Then, swift as a kite, he balances his joint between his lips like some sort of red-neck before hooking his hands under your ass, picking you up and tossing you onto your back on the sofa. Your giggles are soon silenced by his lips on yours once more. As the movie fades into the background, attention now elsewhere, you get the feeling that you were the best fifty bucks JJ Maybank ever earnt and ever spent. 

[scoobydoodean]

i do think it’s kinda funny that casgirls are now complaining about “deangirls saying cas is a bad dad to jack” when like… most of the bad dad criticism for cas (granted, based on what i’ve seen, from you and your/my mutuals) is about how he’s treated other kids in the show like claire 😭😭 for jack specifically, at most, i’ve seen criticisms about cas’s high expectations for jack, but it’s all said in a rather fair, polite way, still qualifying that cas is a good dad in other moments.

but… but then it makes me kinda sad cause their defense is often just here’s cute pictures of cas and jack and btw dean sucks and he only continues thee cycle of bad dads 😞😞

sorry for ranting to you like this, but a casgirl account showed up on my dash and (i did not interact with them but) now i’m feeling kinda like when dean gets insulted for trying to say his own opinions lolol

I don't think anyone was particularly mean about Cas, but you have to remember that deancrit is an accepted staple of destielblr and cascrit isn't. It's been that way for a long time and destielblr has allowed it to be that way. Cas fans are very unused to people talking about Cas even slightly negatively without 50 different qualifiers downplaying whatever he did/didn't do because that has become standard in order to soothe the egos of a handful of touchy cas stans.

I think Cas's intentions are always for good. Sometimes his actions don't work out the way he wants. Sometimes he has blindspots. I don't feel the need to prove I feel that way every single time I write a post. I don't even tag my posts with fandom specific tags. I assume my audience is my followers who already know how I think.

I guess I just think it's funny that saying anything about Dean goes, up to and including that he is the sole problem in every single relationship he has ever had, but the moment someone says Cas isn't actually around that much to parent Jack suddenly everyone acts like we're having this huge fandom-wide discourse deangirls are forcing them into it. Well the people who feel that way can go have that discourse by themselves. I'm not going to treat this like it's a huge deal. Cas did not take as active a role in parenting Jack day to day or being with him day to day as Dean did. If people want to bitch about me saying so for three days while pretending I am somehow inciting them to do that, they're more than welcome to do that over in their little area while I move on to more interesting topics.

[lucyskywalker]

I’m actually very curious to know why you don’t like jonsa! my reasons for example are: their fandom is acting way too insane for a ship that never happened and won’t ever happen; kit harington is unfortunately ugly. what are yours?

There are so many reasons that I dont even know how to begin with.

Alright. Let's go.

1st reason: It is only solely based on the show, and I really mean that. When you get to read metas and posts surrounding the ship, u realize these people never opened the books, while traying to pretend they did. I'm not being entitled. It is just obvious with what they write. Everything is taken out of contest. Especially surrounding Jon's pov and his lack of relationship with Sansa.

+ I despise the show. The only good thing about D&D's creations were the Dragons CGI and the dothraki and valyrian language, and it ends there. Out of it, everything sucks. They have rewrote all the female character in such a sexist and ridiculous way that I can't even start explaining for you.

2nd. I ship jonrya. Ik it is not everyone's cup of tea, but I do. And no. Idc if they become canon or not. I like the concept. I love their relationship. And I love what they can become. Now why the fact I ship Jonrya actually matters? Well, specially after season 7, a lot of Jonsa fans started taking things from Jon PIV that were about his love for Arya, and make it be about Sansa, with ridiculous excuses for their takes. The most commun and easy example being "What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister?" When Jon asks Melissandre, he is referring to Arya. And no. It is not a different interpretation. It is about Arya he is talking about. Another one was "Would you bed your sister?" And Again Jon thinks about Arya, but when you read Jonsa's metas; they say he is thinking about Sansa. Another common Jonsa take is that Jon died for his men in the books, or for Sansa, when again, this is not the case. He died for Arya. And that is explicit on the text with no room for other interpretation. No wonder why the last thing he tought was about her.

Jonsas straigh up lie about what happens in the books to support their takes, or they just read metas here on tumblr and believe it. Idk and neither do I wish to know.

Not only that. They started behaving as they had a moral high ground over jonerys and jonryas... when they don't, it is still incestuos and still problematic to modern standards - not only that, they behave entitled to this day, and attack Jonrya shippers and Jonerys shippers in a real coward way.

Many, many times, I received anon hate telling me to *kms*, slit my wrists. Someone even wished for me to get raped over a fictional ship.

My disdain over the ship is not only with the ship itself, hence taking a lot of Jon's dynamic and bound with Arya to give it to Sansa, which is really important in both of their stories and arc, but mostly about the fandom, and how I was affected by it. If it was treated only like a crackship (what book wise, actually is), as my beloved hitsukarin from bleach, I would have no problem with it.

But the community is far one of the most toxic ones I have ever seen or been in contact with. Actually, dealing with them heavily impacted my mental health.

3rd. I really didnt like Sansa way before dealing with the fandom. Since my favorite is Arya, the way Sansa treated her never vibed with me. (And no. It isn't normal sibling behavior. I am an older sister. I would never do half of the things Sansa have done, not even on 11). After book 1, I felt pity for her, but she still was the last interesting character for me, even if her Vale story was.... I guess, more berable.

After getting into the fandom, tho, Jonsas and Stansas ruined Sansa for me in every possible way as well to the point I read her chapters and I won't feel any kind of enjoyment in her journey or her character. She is my least liked character, not because "she is the most horrible person in the books" (she is not. She is far from being that. ) but because her fans made me feel terribly bitter about her. It is not logical or fair, but again, I'm not trying to be.

[atopvisenyashill]

there’s a few potential sansa romantic endgames that i think have some textual basis and i think all of them come with a lot of issues wrt sansa being able to publically claim these relationships which is why i think sansa will say her children are “fathered by a wolf” because regardless of Who she’s with or even the legality of it, she’s going to be actively concealing their identity AND YET she needs to have children.

i think especially that even though arya’s love life is guaranteed to be less complicated, sansa will feel obligated to take this “burden” of ensuring their line onto herself; she wants arya to have the freedom to go where she pleases, be with who she pleases, and follow her passions and that is not easy to do if everyone is expecting you to come home and start popping out kids. I consider them a sort of reflection of ned and lyanna in this way in that sansa, second born and not meant to rule, uses her newfound power to let the wild, youngest girl (but not youngest child) in the family follow her passions wherever they may take her.

this is all kind of weird with the nixed time jump but considering that george has talked about writing stories from arya’s pov about her adventures, I think it’s going to be fairly important in story regardless of their ages that arya will attempt to offer to stay home and marry and have children as a way of helping to protect sansa’s very shaky claim on winterfell but that sansa encourages arya to do whatever she wants. to travel, to help shepherd the boatloads of refugees from the various wars to wherever they want to call home, to settle displaced northerners in other parts of westeros as well, to get involved in the lives of the people arya is helping and agree to help them liberate their own homes by using her skills (crucial here that arya is A leader but not the SOLE leader), or to go out into the woods and be a secret not-quite-an-outlaw (bc sansa isn’t outlawing anything that could hurt arya’s lil crusades, probably is helping bankroll arya) to bring justice to the smallfolk, like whatever it is arya wants to do with her life, the point is that she offers to give it up and sansa refuses to take the offer.

and then we have the idea that her kids are fathered by a wolf. not elizabeth-ing herself here exactly because she’s having children but never publicly acknowledging a father or a husband or even a lover.

i think the candidates most likely are jon snow and theon, with both brienne and podrick as like “i’m not saying he’s gonna do it but i am saying they make a lot of sense narratively” and aegon vi as a huge long shot but still undeniable contender. if briensa does go canon everyone owes me five bucks each tho. i think the options other people float are not just wildly unserious they also clearly don’t think sansa will be The Ruling Lady Of Winterfell, but some much more minor or less emotionally resonant title and i just do not vibe with that shit at all. harry the heir, sandor, sweetrobin, tyrion, littlefucker, like never mind sansa never once showing any real interest in these guys and NONE of these dudes being satisfied by the idea of being her secret husband, if sansa says to arya “yeah i’m marrying tyrion” arya is going “blink twice if you’re being held hostage and you need me to kill him” but it’s too late because jon snow is already unsheathing longclaw and bran is attacking with every raven in winterfell. it’s not fucking happening and imo it’s unserious to pretend like it could happen in canon. (and if it DOES happen in canon you will find me rocking up to george’s house in jersey and demanding to know why he’s so weird about teenage girls). i think margaery is a huge long shot here (and not just bc it would make them both canonically on screen gay) because i don’t think she’s gonna live to the ending, and jeyne poole is too traumatized at this point in time for me to feel confident in putting her in the same category as brienne and pod.

(theon’s trauma is WHY i think he’s still a contender - post reek theon is going to struggle a lot with figuring out where he’s supposed to be, who he’s supposed to be, and who he can trust as he puts himself back together, and that lends itself nicely to the idea of a secret husband/lover imo. once again, we are talking extreme trauma bonding here - that’s just the only way i see sansa’s romances going).

if you’re asking “who do you think arya is winding up with” it’s gendry. i don’t doubt that there were some plans for edric dayne, arya, and gendry but i think gendry was always going to be her great love here, that she’s always going to turn down the idea of marriage to him but gendry doesn’t care so long as they are still together. there’s a neon blinking sign over gendry’s head that says “endgame material” and i think it’s unserious to pretend it’s not there too!!

[toptophat]

Goddamnit, Me!!! Why am I so confusing sometimes 😭😭

I realise I won't be able to wait that long I'd probably give up and do it halfway so when Shadow of A Ranger does pop up it's gonna be the second part!! Because this cyborg cowboy just lives rent free in my head and I don't know if he'll ever move out!!! (Pls don't move out! It's a pleasure to have you!! Just pay the gosh darn rent!!!)

SPOILERS FOR 2.6!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT, SAVE YOURSELF!!!

First things first imma talk about the dreampeek call (which I'm surprised is legal, like what if a dream is too private?? 😅) so yeah, in summary, young Boothill is having dinner with his adoptive parents, the "Harsh Male Voice" confirmed to be Nick and the "Gentle Female Voice" which is most likely Graey. So during said dinner Nick is telling Boothill old cowboy tales to which Boothill would ask "To throw all that away to pursue someone who might not even exist, is it worth it?"

Doesn't that remind you of anyone?

Of course it does, cuz that's the exact kind of person the little Boothill would eventually grow up to be! He replaced his human parts for cyborg parts to evolve and grow stronger to chase an IPC scumbag who remains invisible in all but name. He sacrificed all of his happiness for this because justice needs to be served! I also find it interesting how, even in his dream, he can't bring himself to mention his real name... Almost as if he's punishing himself for being the one to survive, he feels as if he doesn't deserve that beautiful name and should instead embrace his role as the Boothill of his fallen home. He never even wants to think of that name because it's a reminder that his past self failed, that his past self was too weak to stop his home from being destroyed. It's like he feels unworthy of that humanity!And now that he's basically been reborn into the cyborg body, his humanity can no longer hold him back from his hunt!

After the young Boothill raises this question, Nick responds with "There ain't no reason needed for vengeance, only baddies need reasons" and yeah, that's true! Boothill never had to make excuses as to why he hunts the IPC, because his motive was always justified, they killed his family and his whole world, of course he doesn't need an excuse!!! And of course this dreampeek call foreshadows my new favourite Boothill scenes!!

The Assistanana therapy session!!! Or rather what it claimed to be one!! So in Boothill's POV he's asked some questions. One of which while less impactful at first, it makes you think, earlier he ordered 7 glasses of malt juice and drank a bit from each of them, passing it off as a habit, malt juice may not just be his go-to drink as a pass time but a comfort drink as a way to drink his sorrows away, it's one of the only things he has left in the world so he clings to it. And it's clear that he ordered 7 specifically because he always used to drink it with his family back then, perhaps now that they're gone, he drinks from each glass to sort of pretend that they're still here with him for a while? And now the Assistanana is asking him that if he gives up this comfort drink "will this make you worse off?" Giving up maybe the only time of bittersweet comfort he has...

The other question is more specific to his current struggle "For a person who has made revenge their sole purpose in life, what would happen if that hatred were to vanish?" Aside from this being the Assistanana's way of getting to Boothill, it does raise another question... Yeah! Boothill has dedicated his life to hunt down the IPC, if he succeeds in this hunt, what exactly will he do after? Sure, he could continue punishing evil but what is there for him to return to? He'd have no more grudges, sure but everything he ever loved is still gone... He'll have nothing to live for, just an empty shell of himself with no more purpose. I think it was also said that people give into Assistanana's words by choice. So Boothill wanted to give in, he wanted to be free of his burden, he wanted to be human again. He wants to have something to live for again! In fact he wants to be alive again... So he gave in...

And here's when things get bananas!!! March 7th interrupts the "therapy session" and tries to escape, the Assistanana blocks their way revealing that Boothill is still in that trance like state and when asked to shoot March 7th it's also revealed that the session had such an effect on Boothill that it set his mind several years into the past, the past he could never bring himself to share. It was definitely an interesting decision to not show a child Boothill model, and I feel like this works, it isn't the way we're used to seeing Boothill act, he's rough, reckless, loud and extroverted, this man points his gun at people before he even decides to introduce himself, and let's not forget that, if not for the synesthesia beacon, he'd be swearing like a sailor!!

So seeing Boothill in the appearance we recognise juxtaposed with him talking as his past self: more innocent, gentle and polite, it definitely got me in the feels. And it shows that his mind was messed with to the point where it escaped to a place he never thought he'd go to again... And this is also the first time he mentioned "Aeragan-Epharshel" and Nick in years and we obviously know why he'd feel uncomfortable bringing it up! But let's see what the young Boothill says about his home world

"Death is the fairest form of grace" especially in battle, when one dies in the heat of conflict they'll be buried right there in the ol Boot Hill. Our man has been longing for this grace ever since Oswaldo Schneider (istg we better get to kill this ugly "thing" soon!!) took his paradise away. Boothill kept on hoping that he'd enter a permanent rest during the surgery. He feels disgraced from the fact that he lived when it could've been any of his loved ones, even his little girl that just started to walk for the first time, she never got to even experience life to understand death, perhaps it wasn't so fair at that moment, remember, Boothill doesn't consider himself to be completely alive, so maybe this form of death wasn't graceful at all

Hmmm, a part of me feels as if that wasn't just the young Boothill talking in those moments... Think about it, he still knew that the Assistanana couldn't be trusted, after all "only baddies need reasons" how even though he became a much more innocent version of himself, his spirit stays the same, perhaps he's always been in tune with himself, sure, he's much more aggressive as an adult but as much as he tries to hide it, he has a good heart, inspiring people to try new things (Robin), making up for first impressions (Luka) and cheering on friends (Rappa) it's also a nice touch that his younger self (in the image) is seen wearing accessories that our Boothill still wears! I remember seeing somewhere that Boothill may have had the sharky teeth even as a child, if that's so then maybe Boothill is more in sync with himself than he'd prefer to say, perhaps Boothill was even letting down his guard willingly, letting himself be vulnerable for a moment to finally get a clear shot? He definitely wanted that escapism but he knows that it's never gonna be real. Because it seems like the past Boothill and our Boothill aren't so different, it's just that our guy is dead set on his sole mission in life, and he's definitely not gonna let some fake euphoria distract him. Perhaps I was wrong, his old self didn't die on Aeragan-Epharshel, it simply adapted, inhabiting this new body and maintaining the new guy's humanity and kindness!

And then he proceeds to go apeshit on the Assistananas and Slumbernana monkeys!! As payback for trespassing in a place where they absolutely were not welcome! I think that was both Boothills in that moment because seriously, wtf Assistanana leave my boi alone!!!! Truly my favourite part of 2.6, heck even the entire game so far!! (I'm not biased) I'm just obsessed with his journey and I can't wait to see how it gets resolved, especially when all Boothill mains can collectively murder and torture Oswaldo 😁

It's just fun to put down my disorganised interpretation of things!

Edit: HOLY BABY!!! HE DID HAVE HIS SHARKY TEETH AS A CHILD!!!

[ganondoodle]

I am sorry to hear that the depression has stolen your spark.

I want you to know that you are the sole reason I gave Skyward Sword a chance. Your art was so beautiful and compelling that I just had to know about the media it came from.

Your art introduced me to an incredible community that years later, I am still benefitting from. Your art was the gateway, and I've always been thankful to you for that.

I hope your spark realights, and I hope you can kick depression right in its ass.

i- i did that????? qoq

yes im reviving old reaction pictures

i hope im not ruining the mood bc .. this legitimately made me tear up and i kept thinking of this ever since receiving the ask-

but bc i cant keep my mouth shut (i apologize if you are already well aware of all this i just .. like to talk i guess), i ... idk i have said this before but i feel incredibly conflicted about demise (am i allowed to like him??? do i even like him when i changed him so much??? am i a fraud fan????) and the game he comes from, i .. dont actually like skyward sword that much, or, not as much as it may seem like (my favorite is windwaker, second is botw), every now and then i even feel guilty for demise being my blorbo tm- as much as i love him im under no illusion what his introduction to the series did, the games lore is not .. great, it seems to have kickstarted the decline of the series writing and completely torpedoed any sort of fandom discussion by making zelda a literal reincarnation of the good tm gods of love and light and peace and everything good tm uwu and pit her against an evil demonnnnn that just crawled out the earth one day (??) and was only evil and bad and dark and hate incarnate an hated the good tm gods bc hes jsut so eviiiil, it gave rise to the utter dissmissal of any sort of ganondorf related discussions (funny how it only seems to apply to ganondorf, and none of the other villains hmmmmmmmmmmmm) bc, while not confirmed confirmed (though the fandom likes to pretend that), hes now widely seen as a reincarnation of demise and thus, doesnt need nuance or be given any grace or thought bc apparently when you say someone is a demon (or its reincarnation, which i dont believe ganondorf is, to be clear) that means its fine to not give them any thought bc demons are just evil tm and thats ok and good writing actually (wat????)

(if you take skysw as canonically how it all went down bc my interpretation makes it all be a fabricated lie so the gods can play their little games, there is no godess reincarnation, that was a lie to make way for an opressive kingdom belivieing itself to be irrevocably good no matter what they do etc)

it also cheapens any of the past entries, all of them have been flattened by this, why disscuss ganondorfs motivation lol, he just be a demon/demons puppet, zelda could never be wrong or do bad things bc she literal incarnation of goodness uwu etc- (and then totk, only the second game after skysw, retreads its points and makes it even worse while ALSO trampeling over that game imo)

i dont like saying it, but i do feel a little alienated even from ganondorf fans (i love him too!!!!!) bc they hate demise, and rightfully so, it feels weird having your main blorbo be the reason your second fav is constantly done dirty, why you cant even talk about anything critically bc 'iTs jUst a sIMpLe fAiRytALe' now and part of the reason the lore in general has gone to shit, and i dont know how much i can talk about that before i become an obnoxious 'well ACTUALLY my blorbo, who is the reason for all this, is ALSO done dirty and im gonna explain away the bad stuff via my completely noncanon reinterpretation-' guy, or if i already am what im doing with destiny is like .. my way of trying to fix it and make it interesting again? though at this point i guess im falling into the category of people who change their blorbo so much that there really isnt anythign left of the og, which worries me alot, though i wonder if thats even possible given how little there is to him in the first place, i so often see viral posts that make me feel guilty or conflicted for the way i work with media, "actually my blorbo did all those crimes and thats good you all who need to explain away the bad things are weak and annoying!!" "people who change their favs until they barely resemble the character anymore should just make an oc instead!!"-

i dont know if i take these types of posts too literally, i dont know when or how they apply, but it always circles around in my head, i know not everyone can like what you do, but i want to work with the material i have in an interesting way, not a puritanical way (or however you call that), its not in my mind every second, but it nevertheless makes me doubt what i do with my fanworks anytime i talk about them-

... this wasnt really the point of the message was it ... apologies, i hope not every ask will devolve into a sort of mini rant ;__; i dont mean to invalidate what you said, (and im not saying skyward sword is all bad, its full of charm, from characters to designs, just the lore is .. damaging) it is incredibly touching bc me or my art having a positive impact on people blindsides me every single time like "WHAT??? IMPOSSIBLE you MUST be thinking of someone else, no way i could do that", when something gets brought up my thoughts just kinda start pouring out, i thought about deleting everything i wrote, but then felt like that wouldnt be as genuine anymore (i am not normal tm after all and im long past a point pretending otherwise) and have wasted another hour for nothing, so im gonne leave it in and hope, pray even, it comes across correctly

q-q

[nikkoliferous]

This was NOT me and this is bullshit! I have been inactive for over a week and my friend just sent this to me. I would NEVER talk to another blogger like this ever. This was sent from an account @pussy-ass-bitch-fandom-wank

why do you think the anon signed it? They’re trying to frame me because I have been helping their victim @Lokilaufeysondiaries and they’re pissed about it. I’d never even heard of you until my friend sent this here’s some more proof. Here people are notorious for pretending to be others they sent a friend a nasty anon and signed it "Abby118" another very real Loki blog who doesn't do that kind of stuff ever. I hope we can talk because this just absolutely not okay what so ever and it needs to stop.

okay, I'm going to address this one time and one time only. I have nothing to do with @littlelokilad, @lokihiddleston, the LMQ server, or any drama going down between yourselves and the aforementioned parties. I literally don't know any of you, nor do I care to be involved in whatever petty, high-school-clique bullshit is going on there.

However, I will say that I find myself extremely suspicious of anyone attempting to paint @lokilaufeysondiaries as some kind of innocent victim in all this. I became involved in this stupidity because—and only because—LLD displayed some very inappropriate, manipulative behaviours towards @abby118, a friend, in DM over Abby declining to unblock them (which is absolutely her right). When Abby decided to publicly call out this toxic behaviour on her own blog, providing direct screenshots of their conversation as evidence, she began to be accused of "bullying" LLD (ridiculous) and has since been sent multiple abusive and suicide-baiting asks, ostensibly in LLD's defence.

As for the above accusations by @buckybarnes-winters0ldier, I find it hilariously ironic to, in one breath, complain about people falling for baseless frame jobs and, in the very next, accuse @lotus-eyedindiangoddess of backstabbing her own friends (namely, myself and Abby) and orchestrating this entire mess. Without a lick of evidence, of course. As you do.

TL;DR I am way too fucking old to be invested or interested in whatever manufactured drama is going down on that side of the fandom. My only interest in this bullshit is, and ever has been, Abby being targeted for harassment. Full-stop.

Now, I will say that I am inclined to believe you when you say you were not behind the aforementioned ask—if only because you would have to be very, very stupid to use the anon function only to announce your identity within the text of the ask. like, why?? And I am aware that Abby has been a victim of the very same (terribly executed) tactic. As such, I will update the post in question to reflect this... development? information? idk, whatever. That is, unfortunately, all I can really do, as we all know that once something is on the internet, it's on the internet forever. Even if I were to delete the whole post, any reblogs of it would still exist. If I update it instead, at least the contradicting information is there to be digested in the future, so that would seem to be the best option for dealing with this, to me.

I do sincerely apologise for whatever additional distress the aforementioned ask has caused to you. I have no interest in smearing anyone or discrediting their reputation. As I said, my sole interest in this entire matter has been Abby's well-being. Nothing more, and nothing less. Whoever it is behind all this manufactured drama—and I shan't make any accusations here because I have no evidence to present, regardless of any personal suspicions I may or may not have *cough*—really needs to get some less debilitating hobbies than treating real human beings on Tumblr like abused Barbie dolls to manipulate for their own sick amusement. It's pathetic.

[stick-ball]

I dont know how many of you will agree with this, but recently I had a realisation about Kevin. lt could be broken down to 3 phases:

The first is that Kevin is existing in very extreme emotional states - he either completely removes his emotions and as such vulnerability from a situation, or he goes all in reactive, which ends up with him being extremely dominant and agressive in his expression. The in between only happens when he is in the process of bouncing from one to the other.

Here is why I think he acts as such: as a kid, he had to really moderate how he expressed himself and constantly adapted to the situation. He had to be the golden child for the cameras, he had to be unfallible as an athlete due to his legacy, at the same time, he had to be submissive and lesser than for Riko and Tetsuji. Since most of the attention he got was both very keen and very dominant while emotionally removed (I wonder how much actual prize he got for normal things), it created a deeply rooted fear of honesty. It would be pretty natural for him to feel resentment at constantly not being the right thing, always lacking. As such, he became ultimately dishonest in his expression, which makes him repellant to opening up and being vulnerable in relationships. I used to think most of his dishonesty stemmed from fear because the truths he knew were very delicate and dangerous, but I am wondering if it wasn't born out of this deeper feeling of inadequacy. As a result, the Kevin we meet is used to fitting into someone else's ideas, and that's because he feels like every relationship is based on him GIVING them something of himself. Every one, not just the one with Riko. Living is a sacrifice of self for him, and he will end up, willingly or not, molding himself into whatever he feels he has to give away. When he asks for Wymack to take him in, when he makes the deal woth Andrew, when he wants Neil to believe in a future, when he drops all conctact with Thea, or Jean, after leaving the ravens. He feels like it's expected of him to be what others want to see him as and not what he wants to be. He can't be both of those things at once, so he is what they want or nothing at all. Just think of his attachment to the number two on his cheek and the meltdown that accompanied him, finally choosing to stand up for himself. To finally choose to come into his own identity.

That mechanism would lead from the beginning to him being very removed from his own wants in order to protect them. So, after a while, he would lose his sense of self. Which is funny, because that would lead to him having to relearn it through first finding the negative image of his preferences and his true self, like when capturing a scene in traditional photography.

As such, he is able to pinpoint everything he hates, dislikes, doesn't want and agree with - because they are an immediate danger. But that doesn't immediately lead him to finding what he likes, what he wants or what he is.

And this is where it gets interesting. This behaviour would also be responsible for him feeling very secretive about everything he does find that he likes and enjoys. For example history, if someone made it into a adressed thing, that he likes history, it would feel like he lost that interest, for the sole reason it's not just his anymore. You with me? Not in general, but in a personal relationship. That's why he is so annoyed at people not being good enough for his standards at exy but also not being excited at them caring or trying to meet them, only more and more critical even when he is totally having fun and excited about this.

The fact that even his interest in something like history could be demonized isba pretty common protection mechnaism. That's because when we shelter ourselves by pretending to not exist we are completely vulnerable when that illusion drops. It makes sense that he keeps everyone and everything at an arm's length with his cold and biting demeanour. Feeling like every person is a threat to who he is explains how screwed up almost all of his relationships are.

[jennilah]

Jenna, can you give us a rundown of who these Saw people are for everyone who follows you but has not seen and will never see the Saw franchise?

ok my beautiful and very accepting followers gather round i am going to try to provide you some basic context to these characters that feature heavily on this blog these days, and i HAVE smoked a bowl of weed already

majorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fucking series spoilers for anyone who might actually kind of be interested

mkay first of all despite what my blog might lead you to believe, this guy is like. the OG antagonist. the main dude for the whole franchise even when hes not technically present for most plotlines. all of his scenes are baller af

his name is John Kramer and he is the original Jigsaw Killer. He truly believes he can rehabilitate people who dont appreciate their lives (or commit crimes or take advantage of people) by putting them in saw traps. he pretends its not personal but it totally is. hes always putting people he personally beefs with in traps.

hes deeply fucked up but also really fascinating tbh like the whole fun of his character is seeing what reason hes gonna come up with to justify his next atrocity and how he manipulates everyone around him into doing his bidding. hes a mastermind. hes also Peepaw. Peepaw is kind of crazy but we love Peepaw

This is Billy hes a puppet

Billy is good

This is Adam Stanheight everyones favorite dead boy

hes so funny and charming and is also such a sopping wet pathetic sad rat. everyone loves Adam. We love pretending Adam is gonna come back but hes been super dead for years

This is Lawrence Gordon the guy he was stuck in the bathroom with and he does, yes, saw his foot off to free himself from his chain. hes an oncologist

everyone loves shipping him with Adam, thats called Chainshipping and its very cute but also very sad

esp because Lawrence turns to the dark side and becomes an apprentice to Jigsaw and never went back to save Adam like he PROMISED what the FUCK

but also i love Apprentice!Lawrence because of all the nutty implications and what other fun it has given us (such as AUs where Adam lives and even sometimes joins Lawrence as an apprentice himself)

This is Amanda Young she has many,. haircuts

I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER 😭😭😭😭 Shes an apprentice to Jigsaw and his pseudo adopted daughter and they have such a fucked up and tragic found family with each other.

i love that shes messy and emotional and vengeful and sarcastic and battling personal demons and questioning whether John's "rehabilitation" method really works (aka saw traps) and being unsure if she can take up the mantle when he passes. but he believes in her. and god they make me fucking emotional

this is Lynn Denlon shes a doctor kidnapped to treat John's cancer. and people ship her with Amanda, thats Shotgunshipping. it goes pretty hard tbh

like their scenes go fucking crazy through a shipping lens oh my fucking god. actually they all do tbh thats part of the fun of shipping in this franchise

oh boy big sigh here we go

this is Detective Mark Hoffman who is unfortunately my favorite character and i am REALLy high now. if u ever get confused like MANY of us did, you can recognize him by his bitch lips and/or boobies. ugh im gonna throw up i hate his ass

that last one oh my fucking god

anyway hes actually awful but i love him so much and at first i was scared that i was the only one who did LMAO.. anyway he also gets recruited by Jigsaw as another apprentice when he was in a very dark place, having just killed the murderer of his little sister. he made it look like a saw trap to frame Jigsaw.

but Jigsaw found out & was like nuh uh bitch you're working for me now, or else I'm telling on you.

But then Hoffman was like guess what bitch I LOVE it here and i LOVE killing. he becomes the Jigsquad problem child and proceeds to kill or manipulate everyone he needed to so he could be the sole "Jigsaw" remaining. But he's sloppy and paranoid af so the FBI is on his ass from day 1. And the more he kills, the sloppier he gets, and the more frantic and unable to dig himself out of this hole he gets. and the more violent and crazy he gets. But the more crazy he gets, the more he keeps evading death like a cockroach. For real, watching his downfall was the major appeal of his character for me, and the start of my downfall..ing in love with him. lord almighty

anyway everyone hates his ass and we LOVE bullying him!!!!! he deserves it. for all of the atrocities hes committed and also because hes such a smarmy little shit. even Amanda bullies him

and then we have Peter Strahm who shows up and hates Hoffman immediately, as you do. u can tell its him from his ridiculous eyelashes

and, YEAH, YOUVE GUESSED IT......... PEOPLE LIKE TO SHIP HIM WITH HOFFMAN.......... I KNOW..... RIGHT.... COULDNT BE ME.......

Because he is Hoffman's biggest adversary for two movies, knowingly in one. It's a classic cat and mouse game.

Anyway we love Peter Strahm!!!!! He's also an asshole! He's extremely hotheaded and short tempered but extremely passionate about the case. like, his dedication goes crazy. He's also quite the sassy bitch himself

but its BECAUSE he is also caring and emotional, especially towards his work partner Lindsey Perez WHO WE LOVE BECAUSE SHES AMAZING AND CARING AND SHE'S BEEN PETER'S PARTNER AND FRIEND FOR 5 YEARS THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER I LOVE THEM

and those are the characters but ur probably like "what the fuck is up with the glass coffin" well my friends that is what us Hoffstrahmers refer to as our roman empire.

um i ran out of room for pictures :) but by now yall have seen the two traps reblogged and drawn by me a BILLION times, and those are: the water cube trap, and the glass coffin

so the deal with those:

the water cube trap: Strahm runs off to find Jigsaw himself after wildly following clues with no backup because he's so worked up from Perez getting hurt earlier and he sets off on revenge immediately. Hoffman catches him and puts him in the water cube.

It's meant to just kill him. he wasnt supposed to survive it. but Strahm is suddenly the main character when he fucking survives an unwinnable saw trap the fuckin crowd goes wild, it was fuckin sick dawg

and then through a series of Hoffman backstory flashbacks that he daydreams, he figures out the entirety of Hoffman's real secret identity and sets off to go catch him

and thats when he finds:

The Glass Coffin Trap: the instructions on the Jigsaw tape tell him to get into the coffin, it will hurt him but he will have a chance to survive. "do you trust me?" but he KNOWS its Hoffman and he doesnt trust that motherfucker so he doesnt get in. Hoffman approaches the scene, they get in a scuffle, and Strahm pushes him into the coffin and seals it.

but hoffman is like "neener neener poopoo you're an idiot" and tells him to listen to the rest of the tape. which tells him that if he doesnt get in the coffin, he's gonna fuckin die bro lmao rip

and so he does! hoffman, in the coffin, sinks into the ground like some cartoon villain and the walls close in and squeeze Strahm to death

anyway at first Coffinshipping to me was kind of a joke like just classic Asshole x Asshole, Enemies to Lovers, Hero x Villain shenanigans. Teehee what if they KISSED... in the COFFIN... and all.

but then i read exactly 1 fic and i was completely convinced entirely of the angst possibilities of these two. the "what if"s that were possible with them. the little Hoffstrahm community i found has been so fucking awesome their ideas are so fucking fun, and I'm having so much fun thinking of art of them and fics of them and ugh i love it here

[marumafan]

Hello, I am an old fan of KKM and I am really glad that I found your blog. Especially, since I have seen your conclusion about some additional information: You are right. Indeed. Yuuri is gay or bi...and he did go on dates with guys before or he would have had no reason to feel bad at a certain point in time, when the one whom he had defended resigned the team.

Yuuri has basically no interest in going out with girls, but pretends that he is solely interested in them.

What I also considered interesting is that he basically was thrown out of the team because of defending a love interest...He punched the coach, when I remember correctly...and he did get himself into the engagement with Wolf, because he did not dare to really punch him with a fist, because he felt at least attracted to him physically at that time.

So thank you for your your analyses up until now.

Hello there! Yes, but it's not like he goes around acknowledging it. I think that Yuuri is deep in the closet.

He's a character of his time. No way a teen would admit to being gay in the 2000s (they don't even do it in the 2020s here in Japan).

Just go to wikipedia and look at the summary table at the end of the article here to see how many rights LGBTQ+ individuals lack. Every red cross is an inequality. The dates Yuuri went on with those guys were very hush-hush, and I don't think he could quite admit to himself or others that he's gay or bi. For me, the clearest acknowledgement that he's 'not straight' is when his mom asks him if he's into 'people who wear uniforms' and he starts crying in Change /(Convert) the same story where he goes on a 'Christmas date' with the other guy.

After that story, there was no doubt in my mind that he already knew he was non-straight before meeting Wolf; but also that he was keeping it quiet.

I think his extreme closetness is difficult to understand by younger people and/or people who do not live in Japan. Anyone who lived in the 2000s America and is or knows LGBTQ+ people knows very well how closeted people were, especially after Matthew Sheppard. All of my closeted friends went deeper into the closet... and the ones out of it, quietly went back. It was a time of horror and I can only imagine it was worse in the past. That's simply the case that I recall as the horror of my time in the West.

I have many personal stories about the cruelty in treatment of LGBTQ+ people in the 2000s by Westerners AND Japanese, but I don't wanna get into it.

I'm just saying, I get Yuuri. Anyone living as 'non straight' during those years 'gets' Yuuri. And his wishful thinking about how 'getting a girlfriend will magically make him straight ', I know well and have seen myself.

This is a very realistic character of the 2000s.

It gets annoying at times, cuz he is a fictional character and why can't he just get it on in this fictional world with the cute guy that he's very much into?!

Stories are fantasies that we go on to escape the cruelty of reality, and when this guy 1) goes to a place with no sexual discrimination, which is what has kept him closeted 2) is surrounded by cute dudes and 3) the cutest dude is also into him , also he's like the king, you wonder... why can't he just accept the blessings the rest of us don't have?XD

But I think he struggles, like a lot of people, with his sexuality, and so he doesn't know really what to do.

Having said that, idk.... I feel like once they 'start sleeping in the same bed and have a child', there's a very clear innuendo that they're banging , but idk. The author keeps everything in a state of 'deniability' .

Which again... understandable.

You didn't read this from me, but def she's writing herself in Yuuri.

I think it's clear though, as the years go by, that she turns Yuuri and Wolf into a very solid couple with stories like Do you want an Exorcism, Crossheart, Misepan 2. Misepan 2 was released with the ending of the anime on DVD (2010s when she stopped writing), and Yuuri showing his love for Wolf in that story with the 'I would give you anything, Wolf' phrase, really sealed the deal for me.

After that we've gotten quite a few stories, and she even married them in It happens to everyone 2 and Shibuyas , two of the last stories that present them in the 'future'.

Like I said many times, they've been end-game for a while... it's just that no one noticed, cuz they're two guys.

[carcarcraziiv2]

Heartseel K'Sante Boyfriend HCs

~K'Sante, the poll broke my heart :'c. I love this man, gd it. Let's go bbg~

P.S. Asks are open! I am open to more Heartsteel, other League characters, different AUs, Arcane, etc. Just HMU :3

K'Sante isn't overtly open to PDA, however he doesn't necessarily NOT do PDA? He is often gently holding your hand, or leaning over to kiss the top of your head while you are pressed against him. Sometimes when he is feeling a little more out there, he will grasp your chin, lift your face up and kiss you gently, even if you're in front of people or your friends. If someone is giving you attention that he doesn't deem appropriate or is making you uncomfortable, he goes into immediate protector mode. "Did they make you feel uncomfortable? I'm sorry, my sweet. I'll stick by you now, okay? Hold my hand."

K'Sante is an undercover jokester. He acts like he isn't in on the shenanigans with Ezreal and Sett, but he DEFINITELY is, and most likely is a big part of the execution. Now, when it comes to joking at you or about you, he will only do it lightly. He doesn't want to offend you by accident or make you upset. If you try and prank or joke on him, he will know it's coming. He is just too smart not to know. "I know you wanted to- hey do you want me to come back in and pretend? Sorry love! Can't prank the mastermind..."

K'Sante is big on giving attention but is generally content with being left alone. He is very confident, so he knows you aren't off doing crazy things while he is waiting for you or vice versa. Trust is key for him, and he trusts you whole heartedly. When you two are together, his attention is solely focused on you. He expects the same, so when the two of you conversate it is almost always meaningful and/or interesting. "Awh, my love, you're home! I've missed you. Come, sit on my lap and tell me about your day." K'Sante pulls you onto his lap and fiddles with your hair as you talk to him.

K'Sante gives EXCEPTIONAL kisses. Never a dull moment with this one. Even the most delicate kisses make stars erupt in your belly. He will grab you gently with a hand behind your neck, lean down and brush his nose against yours before placing his lips on your own. In a heated moment, he becomes ravenous, groaning into your mouth and holding your face with his hands as your tongues collide. "Your kisses are my oxygen, love." "Gods, the things you do to me, y/n."

K'Sante is very smart, and very levelheaded. He tends to be right, and although it pisses you off a lot of the time that he is, he is so kind about explaining things to you. He will never make you feel dumb or less than for not being right. When he is wrong, rare as it may be, he will listen to your explanation with the utmost kindness and try his best to let it sink it. "Do you get what I am saying, love? Please don't be upset, but this is really important that we are on level ground. I love you, sweetheart." "Oh, that makes sense! See, I am glad we talked about it."

K'Sante is great at giving you a reason to be excited to get home, or vice versa. He will whisper sweet nothings in your ear when you hug and kiss him before leaving, gently touching your arm or your face making sure you know just how much he loves you. All day, he may send you devious little texts just to make sure you are prepared for what's about to go down. "Wait for me, Love, in that outfit I bought you. You know the one I'm talking about, right? Good." "So good, so perfect. So Mine."

[lucidia-sys]

In Defense of Pharma

Guys I'm really tired of seeing ppl shit on Pharma solely for the incident with Ambulon. Seeing people defend Ratchet against him. Tired of people being awful to him because of things he couldn't control. People will really support the toxic ones because of the simple fact they are a popular character that everyone loves. I'm tired of pretending I like Ratchet (I adored TFA and G1 only). I don't. He's an awful guy when you look at the case with Pharma. And personally I just don't find him interesting like other characters. Ratchet fucking ruined Pharma pre-Delphi. He was this sweet guy who did his best and I strongly believe Pharma may have BPD, so that only makes what Ratchet did so much WORSE. The way Pharma attached to Ratchet reminds me of one with their FP (Favorite Person). He believed so much in Ratchet, looked up to him, considered him one of his closest friends, his FP if you will. He cared deeply about Ratchet, and it deeply affected him when he just up and fucking left without a proper goodbye. And so began a long fucking chain of him getting fucked over. Another point that gets used against him was the virus he unleashed, that wasn't his fucking fault. Tarn was pressuring him. He was stuck in an incredibly hard point. The DJD would after him if he didn't feed Tarn's addiction, he'd still be fucked even witht he fact he did it. Pharma gets stuck in the middle of nowhere with two people he doesn’t care for, and one of them is a direct target of the group blackmailing him into killing patients. There was nothing he could have done to make the situation better. And I fucking find it such BULLSHIT that First AId went to Ambulons side rather than Pharmas DESPITE THE FUCKING FACT Amublon is a ex-con, he could very well have been conspiring with Sonic and Boom. The fact Pharma got immediately blamed pisses me off. He was just doing his job, trying to keep his job, and juggle his issues with Ratchet appearing. His FP that fucking abandoned him. This is a STRONG example of how mental illness can fuck oneself over. As someone with BPD, I heavily relate to Pharma, so I am very defensive over this (no shit I'm writing a whole thing defending him). I understand his panic. His stress. The need to prove himself. A case too is with the incident of Ambulon. Yes, the way he handled the situation was awful, but think about it. He wanted to prove himself, to prove he was better than the asshole who left him behind. So how does he do it? Give a prompt to Ratchet that he KNOWS he can't fix, prove that Ratchet is not as good as he thinks he is. And as for Tryest, it's another situation of lose/lose. I didn't pay much attention to that bit of the story but I can say that Pharma was dealing with that whole 'I need to prove im better than these jerks so everyone will like me and need me' BPD mess he has going on. A person with BPD often seeks validation from others, needing FPs to love them and respect only them, which is why he usually claims himself as the best medic. He needs the validation, that boost to his fragile ego that is crumbling with every second. Plus Tyrest promised him a place in the forged only world he was planning. It made him feel valid and needed. He chased that feeling. And then Ratchet came along and started to derail his mind. Leading him to do something that ultimately painted him in a bad light. And he proved he was stronger within the Lost Light comics. Issue 4 showed him hurtingTyrest in such a fashion that not even the best medic, not even his "beloved Ratchet" (his words, not mine), could figure out how he caused so much damage. He was pissed off. He was having a split. He was damaged. I believe we should focus more on the goods of a character, the compexity of their issues, rather than honing on one specific thing that was not that big of a fucking deal. This fandom is awful with painting certain characters as awful awful people for simple issues that can be explained very easily. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUUUUSE ME. I'm going to take a moment to nap because I am so frustrated and overstimulated and angry rn.

[gffa]

Lumi, question, because I trust your judgement a lot and I'm weighting the headcanon for myself.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely do you think it could be that actual canon Anakin is a bit of a prude that finds premarital sex scandalous?

Doing my best to be completely honest and as objective as I can:  This occupies a nebulous space in my head, re: Narrative Intention vs What I Think Works For The Character Honestly And Truly. Do I think demi!Anakin who's a prude about premarital sex is the Actual Fax Intended Reading that Lucas had in mind when he wrote the prequels?  I wouldn't put money on that bet. But do I think it makes sense for the character, when I'm talking about them seriously?  That I don't just say it for a silly, fun joke, but that I could write serious fic about it, that I see it as a serious part of the character?  I am ready to die on that hill. For me, Anakin Skywalker never seems interested in anyone outside of the people he loves, he never really flirts with anyone (he tries to pretend he does once in TCW, when he says he's popular with women, but he's talking to Obi-Wan at the time and we never see him actually flirt with friends or enemies), and he never moves on from them.  Once that guy is in love with someone, he is in love with them forever, even if he's willing to kill them, even if he hates them, it's because it's coming from the source of his love for them. We could complicate this by talking about the way Anakin treats Padme is often paralleled (not intentionally, but with a fair amount of frequency) with the way he treats Obi-Wan, but even looking solely at the way Anakin is in his relationship with Padme, he's not gravitating to anyone outside of that marriage.  Even Padme has occasional moments, like with Clovis.  Or she talks about Palo, showing she had interest outside of that relationship once upon a time.  Anakin is just laser-focused on the one relationship, in contrast. Now, a big chunk of that is tied up in Anakin's possessiveness and greed for those he loves, but I can see a very easy, natural step from that hyper-emotional investment in those specific people to being demi, that he's only interested in someone once he's fallen in love with them, that the two aren't separable in his mind. I see Anakin as someone who tends to idealize people, he thinks the sun rises and sets on those he loves, even when he's mad at them or thinks they betrayed him, I see part of that as coming from a place of, "You were supposed to be perfect!  You were supposed to comfort me!  You were supposed to love me perfectly!" which I can see extending to his views on sex in a relationship, that he idealizes the process of falling in love with someone, that his feelings for them are special and grand and epic, that he has the most feelings ever, so naturally sex should be part of that.  Sex should be between people who love each other, sex should be only with people you have these big, uncontrollable feelings for. Sex should mean EVERYTHING to you, just like his feelings for someone should mean EVERYTHING to them. That's how Anakin approaches his feelings, his relationships with people he loves, and I think with sex, too. So, I don't think its precisely premarital sex that Anakin takes issue with (though, it's fun to joke about it) but the concept of a relationship without intense, all-consuming love.  Sex without being eaten alive by your love for that person is contrary to how he himself approaches relationships. I make jokes about how he would rain psychic scorn on anyone in the entire Jedi Temple who was getting their dick wet without being ~in love~, because I think it's funny and because I think you could rile him up to be prickly about it, but that ultimately I think he would just make a, "Ugh, gross." comment to himself about it and mentally block it out, because he's not actually that confrontational when it doesn't involve himself.  Does he have strong opinions about it?  Yes.  Does he get up in others' business about it?  Not unless prompted by something else going on with the situation. Ultimately, though, yeah, I do seriously think that Anakin views sex and love as being inseparable and it'd be weird and gross to fuck someone without loving them, even if he intellectually understands that other people feel differently and are apparently just fine with being weird about it.

[sketching-shark]

I saw your post about how you say that western interpretations of swk are just taking his goofy side and not much his violent side, but didn't you say before that western interpretations were just taking his violent side without understanding his character fully? and that he was more than just an evil/violent monkey? you said it with lmk for example, when they show in the past that wukong just wanted the powers for ambition and became ''evil'' and you said it wasn't right they interpret him like just a violent monkey

Im confused here

Complaining below, so if you (understandably lol) don't want to read all of that feel free to ignore.

My apologies for the confusion anon! And I will admit that I don't remember exactly what I wrote in this regard, though I do remember spending more time than I should have whining about both the goofiness and solely destructive aspects of SWK's character being given prominence in a lot of western interpretations lol. Maybe it was a combination of the two & me complaining of the prevalence of the "destructive meathead" interpretation of SWK? That IS a pretty common personality given to this monkey in western interpretations (see Netflix's The New Legends of Monkey & The Monkey King for example), and is a combination of goofiness & violence that shunts the "intelligent" part of "intelligent stone monkey" into the background.

THAT SAID, I am aware that I'm EXTREMELY picky in terms of Sun Wukong representations, and that it would be completely false to pretend there aren't a ton of Chinese presentations of the Monkey King that don't lean heavily towards a goofy and/or destructive characterization. Hell, I have heard and seen some pretty nasty examples of the Monkey King interpreted through the grimdark genre that ended with me hoping I manage to forget about them posthaste. And when it comes to children's media it makes sense that there would be a focus on the silly side of SWK's character. As I've said many a time before, it's not like you'd want to expose kids to a monkey running around smashing people's heads into meat patties.

I guess a lot of my personal frustrations come from the way there's a bit of a monoculturalization in the ways that western interpretations tend to lean heavily on the silly and violent sides of SWK's character while doing away with a lot of his intelligence, attempts to resolve matters through less violent means, and cutting out a lot of the actually pretty understandable reasons and contexts for why SWK does what he does in the classic. To give an example, one of the things that I find really interesting about SWK in JTTW is how he is undoubtedly a very violent monkey, BUT he's a very violent monkey in a world where many of the major power players, from the yaoguai kings to the Jade Emperor himself, are just as (if not more) violent as him. So you do for example have yaoguai like the Brotherhood of Lion Camel Ridge and the Demon Bull King being vicious man-eaters, with the Brotherhood in particular being described as living in a charnel house of human gore; the Tang Emperor, who Tang Sanzang is sworn brothers with, is literally described as a man who killed countless people to get his power, and we do actually see a lot of their ghosts his tour of Diyu; and the Jade Emperor, besides meeting out such vicious punishments as having Bai Longma hung in the sky and whipped 300 times before he was to be executed for accidentally burning some pearls, basically ordered the genocide of the Mt. Huaguoshan monkeys because Sun Wukong wouldn't surrender after stealing a bunch of immortality-granting treats that were grown/made, i.e. stuff that could all be replaced. So while SWK is definitely a vicious and frequently remorseless and ruthless monkey, this is taking place in a world where so is every other leader to a greater or lesser extent; Sun Wukong's just the most brutally honest about it. And the Monkey King seems fully aware of this and respond accordingly; his very first kill, in fact, was that of the Demon King of Confusion, who had kidnapped a lot of the children of the Mt. Huaguoshan troop. As is, you don't see SWK starting a lot of fights (he even often gives his opponents the chance to strike the first blow), but he sure is willing to escalate to get his way! Not to mention how it's ever-more painfully obvious that Tang Sanzang, who is always preaching nonviolence and compassion, would have been killed and eaten from the very start of his journey if he didn't have an ultraviolent monkey and multiple deities guarding his every step. And that dynamic does as such raise such disturbing and disturbingly relevant questions as: what chance does empathy and nonviolence have of surviving under these circumstances? What would it truly take to create a world were nonviolence and compassion are the rule of law? Can any ruler truly justify their violence based on higher purposes, or are we always dealing with a situation where might makes right? How do we persuade others, even those who can and have wield horrific violence, of the necessity of nonviolence? And does violence ultimately have a place in a world where acts of destruction take generations to heal, if they do heal at all?

IN CONCLUSION, I personally think that there's a lot of really interesting and important questions that the Monkey King and his story in Xiyouji raise, and while I am more understanding now as to why a lot of retellings don't even try to tackle half of them, I do find if frustrating that there seems like a real reluctance to even make the attempt. So you do end up with a lot of simplified versions of SWK, with a good chunk of them falling into the silly monkey, violent monkey, or silly violent monkey sides.

Like as far as lmk goes I'm kind of sad and pretty frustrated that even though they keep hinting at deeper or more understandable reasons for why their SWK is such a mess, Flying Bark now has a history of showing everyone and their mother yelling at SWK for being stupid and destructive and then going out of their way to show this monkey being stupid and destructive, and then basically waiting until the last possible second before suddenly pulling an increasingly unconvincing "maybe he doesn't suck THAT much" conclusion. Like...it's now been revealed that this dude, besides never even having a monkey yaoguai family he loved and was protecting, literally though it was a good idea to instigate a war against heaven with a grand total of 4 other guys even though that was clearly doomed to failure (vs. book SWK who was stuck waging a clearly defensive war against heaven with the entirely of his hundreds of allies and their troops), & even though it was definitely inadvertently he played a massive hand in almost exploding the entire universe with the Samadhi fire debacle. And that's to say nothing of how it increasingly seems like lego SWK is the worst Monkey King shifu out there. Could be that a lot of this is because the stakes are so much higher in Monkie Kid than they are in other stories where SWK has a tudi--as with Liu Chenxiang (who wanted the ability to fight his uncle Erlang Shen so he could free his mother Sansheng Mu) or Li Yunxiang (who was being targeted by powerful yaoguai and dragons for being Li Nezha's reincarnation & needed someone to protect him & help him control his abilities until he was ready to stand on his own), and certainly the unnamed Indian prince in the og classic (who was impressed with SWK & wanted to learn martial arts skills under him & who's life was never in danger)--but its genuinely disheartening how much Qi Xiaotian has now suffered specifically because of his shifu-tudi relationship to Sun Wukong. That's a reality that isn't even partially true in these other cases. It's the kind of thing that drives you to ask if the ever-more traumatized monkie boy would ultimately have had a happier life if the Monkey King never became part of it :(

Anyway, I hope that clears things up anon! If anything, just keep in mind that the Monkey King's character in the og classic is rich and varied enough to act as the baseline for a vast variety of interpretations and retellings, and that a lot of my complaining is about feeling that a particular retelling is going too far in its flanderization. People have come up with all sorts of characterizations for this monkey for literally centuries--and they range from a irresponsible and foolish demon to a honest and diligent holy being--but it does pay to remember what an important literary and religious figure he is, and what sorts of interesting and relevant possibilities he offers.