#i am lowkey fucked up right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

adarkenedforest · 1 year ago

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I am ready to just explode

#forest speaks #forest #i am lowkey fucked up right now #everything is fine now just residual stress #about to just explode like minecraft dynamite

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n0bluev · 4 months ago

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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔

#your reblog surprised me #THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff #so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out #and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon #because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of #so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful #i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother #trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess #(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed #(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and #that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol #WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL #A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED #(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before #AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI #FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip

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a-scary-lack-of-common-sense · 10 hours ago

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I am exhausted, good heavens.

#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me #BUT #BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal #actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day #I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies #and boysies and peepsies #my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail #MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles #sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is #anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way #I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL #WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING #I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED #I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes #I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going #I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick #and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN #because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333 #I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD #SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME #and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now #vent post #personal vent #tw vent #tw sui talk

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yikes077 · 9 months ago

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All I want is to consume more Smosh Reddit stories but I must wait patiently for the upload

#I don’t want to wait until noon and or 1pm #I lowkey don’t remember the upload schedule bc of a timezone change #but I am foaming at the mouth in wait #I do not want to be awake right now and the only thing keeping me going is smosh reddit stories #Shane in his little chair reading things I could look up myself #shayne topp #Jesus I just realized how he spells his name #i’m so fucking tired #reddit #reddit stories #smosh #smosh reddit stories #Smosh reddit #smosh reunion

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moe-broey · 14 days ago

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Doctor appointment went to go get my shots and.

A. Visual. So you know what I mean by *broadly gesturing to all of me*

^ Immune to disparaging remarks. On account of The Autism.

#sorry this is just funny to me. like oops my bad i was staring!#then i get hit w MY VERY FIRST. ACTUALLY. VERY FIRST. transphobic remark from a stranger at me #and my autistic ass just didn't even process it. already gone.#if i was ever bullied in school i simply did not notice it. this seems to remain true even now.#wait i'm remembering there was another time a woman yelled out her car window @ me but #again. i was in walking to my destination mode. also had my noise cancellers. it SEEMED rude #but i didn't even make out what she was saying. guy who is just walking to his destination.#also realizing the doodle is like. it's a self portrait just for funsies. but literally lowkey #reads like a bad faith alt right meme where it's presenting a caricature of a queer person.#you see what i lack in irl reaction time i make up for by having WAY too much awareness in a deeply online way.#i'm able to see fucked up online shithole shrimp colors and very specific christianity i was raised w shrimp colors.#that's it.#like you could def file the transphobia under either category but i'm talking like reaction time here LMFAOO #put me in a church (please don't.) and i can sniff out the double speak like a cadaver dog.#this does have the natural consequence of never being able to believe that anyone could ever actually like me as i am for who i am though.#sad!#my art

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nerdyfangirlingbooks · 2 months ago

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I've had a stupid merlin au idea stuck in my head for days now and I know I'll never get around to writing it the way I want it written but I kinda wanna try anyway even though I am 100% of the target audience

#it's an f1 au btw #so I feel like a merlin x f1 crossovee is very niche #but I just have this idea in my head pf arthur as a driver and merlin as an aerodynamics engineer #and arthur starts off as an ass (as per usual) and thinks that he's god's gift to motorsports and all his good results are because of his #skill and bad results are because the engineers fucked up bad #and lowkey people don't like working with him BUT uther is giving red bull absolute mega bucks to keep him and he is actually a fantastic #driver in his own right. deep down he's not super satisfied though because people keep saying he's only winning because of his car #and his dad's money which is why he's a grumpy ass to most people and tries to claim good races as his and blame engineers for bad ones #also because uther probably taught him that attitude #in this au I think either Newey didn't exist but rb dominance still did or this is far enough after Newey that I haven't got arthur blaming #him for a bad car because y'all I can't do that it's too unrealistic no one would believe it #(yes I am aware that max and checo are currently complaining about a car newey made but shh)#anyway he secretly goes to sign for like. williams or something who currently suck so he can prove to himself and everyone else that he IS #a good driver and can drive a shit car well. he's admittedly doing fairly well in a tractor when merlin joins the team as the new head #of aerodynamics and arthur is giving him shit because he's so young and how could he possibly fix this shitbox #then Merlin's first big upgrade packages comes and makes a pretty big difference and arthur has to rethink a bit #the next season is the first car that merlin was actually mostly in charge of and it's a massive difference and suddenly it's competitive #meanwhile merlin's pov is that arthur sucks ass and he hates him but he keeps being told that arthur is his destiny #he refuses to believe this though and even though he has magic he point blank refuses to use it on anything that would help arthur even #somewhat indirectly like using it to help design the car. his official reasoning to people who know about his magic is that the fia wouldn't #allow it but personally he also just wants to say a fuck you to fate because he doesn't like arthur. but then they get to know each other #more and he realises that maybe arthur isn't that bad and they become friends like in the show #arthur is leading the championship (pendragon dominance could bore fans) but then he has a big crash and is out for a couple of races #by all accounts it's a miracle he's even alive (it's the only time merlin has used his magic for arthur). when he comes back he still has a #chance at wdc but it's way tighter than it was. maybe there's only a few races to go. he gets some podiums and his competition has some bad #luck (genuine not merlin) or something but then at like the second last race he can guarantee wdc if he wins regardless of where anyone else #places. he does it and merlin is the one to go on the podium with him on behalf of the team (maybe not for winning wdc but just his first #win after the crash idk) and it's this big emptional moment #also morgana was as good as arthur as kids but uther only supported arthur so now she works for sky or someone in a role like nico rosberg

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sepiasys · 3 months ago

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Why am I like- forgetting my tags for my blog? Like the tagging system. I switched acct on tumblr app bc post limit bullshit ykyk? I’m gonna pretend that’s why /hj

#sepiasys.txt #Unrelated; stomach is complaining. I *think* it’s hunger—which makes sense. But also maybe I’m digesting stuff.#Also regarding who I is; Influence from cat perhaps? But I got off call with mom. I feel like I should be one of the less anxious ones. I #say that because I can actually make eye contact. Usually we don’t really need to look people in the eye. But if I can look at our roommate #directly; then that’s significant. Yes we have to deal with a weird mix of possible limerence (that we’re actively trying not to spiral) and #apathy and stuff. Anyways I kinda wanna get food but I know it’ll still feel kinda awkward. Also I don’t really know what to get anyway.#I mean I guess I can make a shitty sandwich? Not feelin up to it. Also don’t rlly wanna make the easy microwave breakfast burrito; and dont #wanna get one of the sweet treats. Maybe I could get a drink; nobody is really drinking the pineapple+aloe (or whatever) drink much. I kinda #like it; so I wouldn’t mind it. It’s akin to the more *sweet* pineapple side than bitter but that’s not a horrible thing. It’s not sickening #I lowkey wonder what roommate’s work schedule is gonne become; he won’t have Saturdays off anymore I think. He also doesn’t seem to have to #work today. It’s nice to know a fairly regular schedule for him so I know when I have access to Elden Ring or his comp.#Plus I’m more comfortable with myself when he’s not around. Thinking about what to eat again /lh #ANYWAYS yeah regarding who I feel like? HOW I feel like? Fairly calm. chill. ‘serious’. /shrug #I know for a fact I have to have resting bitch face rn which is hilarious to think of. But I don’t think I’m mad about anything.#Stealing from a list of names I had before; I’m gonna pretend that I fit any of em. Ren. So whatever the fuck I am right now? Ren /lh #Ren feels like a green name. Probably. *Looks at this one image of various colors of sepia we have*#*Sees ‘Join or Die’ green sepia* that’s pretty rad /pf #Anyways. I wonder if there’s multiple of us that actually act/feel similarly. What if I can act like this and it’s not me but someone else?

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mutalune · 4 months ago

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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

#starlight personal #the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening #the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope #now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed #because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that #2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences #4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it #treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great #treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body #idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing #PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks #ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months #until my next appointment #which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps #I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides #also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is #also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough #this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering #but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly #which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose #(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own #I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient #and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to #like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here #so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here #I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly #make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad

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anotheruntitledsong · 4 months ago

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lowkey reminiscing about how deeply locked in to tumblr I was at age 12. I like picked up DIGITAL ART (something I am and will always be genuinely terrible at) for it and everything

#I am not like embarrassed at all but I mourn that motivation #maybe I should be embarrassed though #its not a sin to make bad jokes but it's less of a sin to just be funny #i would post anything that came to mind #like I was on a fucking rampage bruh #literally the only thing i DIDN'T post was this midtier xar\bodkin fanfic that i was too embarrassed about #kinda crazy that that was the line i drew but you know #i had like 50 followers and i felt like a celeb #i had my middle school 'girlfriend' guest star on here and everything #we broke up immediately after that btw #lowkey i got made fun of for this blog a lot in freshman year but at least it was like an interesting thing to get teased about #now I only get made fun of for like wearing barefoot shoes and not inhaling weed right #unfortunate #side note i love my barefoot shoes and genuinely don't understand how im inhaling wrong because i get high anyway #so i am actually immune to propangada

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birdsofpvey · 7 months ago

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#okay this is mostly just to dump my stress of my grad program #so i’m signing up for comps and i’m freaking out lowkey because i just sent out an email to get my committee together and i feel so behind #the advisor mentioned she could be my chair which is great but she wanted me to contact her earlier and i didn’t so now i’m lowkey afraid #i sent a message out today telling her if we could discuss subfields and she said you could only discuss it if you have a committee #but also i’m like how the fuck am i going to get a second reader without having the fields ready or at least an idea #so now i’m planning on sending an email to the second reader she recommended and hopefully he agrees since i’m not asking him to chair it #like i know i fucked up and i waited too long but it’s just been so stressful and i feel so overwhelmed #i feel like i might’ve pissed off the advisor a little bit which i obviously didn’t mean to but damn life is kicking my ass right now badly #she seems genuinely nice so maybe i just read the email wrong but the email looked so cold like i just wanted an advising appt 😭

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blazingblorbos · 1 year ago

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Listen to me

I’m so sorry,,, normally I do not compare. But. She’s got me feelin some kinda way and ik June is over but I CANNOT contain nor ignore it.

especially after that hair reveal. it’s just . so blatantly obvious that I have a type and I can’t believe how specific the type is but they fucking got me. (AGAIN)

#it's 1000% a joke #in no way am I implying they're expies or anythnig similar #but LOOK!!!!!!!!!#AT THEM!!!!!!!!!#blazingshitpost #Herrscher of Sentience #Arlecchino #Genshin Arlecchino #anyways. now is where I take the time to rant about Arle and what she can do to me #she could ask me to manipulate the minds of countless innocent children to serve her own goals and I'd do it #I support women's rights and women's wrongs #I'm gonna fucking eat it UP when she does terrible things #I CAN'T WAIT #lowkey wish they made her more androgynous just like Hua #but I'm not complaining nor am I really disappointed at all

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iguessitsjustme · 9 months ago

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I have regrets

#do not go into the mdl comment section #i should know better and yet #i have seen some truly horrifying things this night #and i know it's for a show that i am not a fan of #but my concerns are about how casually racist and lowkey homophobic some of the comments are #without any self awareness about it at all #saw someone say that the writing sucks but that's fine because you can't expect good writing out of thailand because it's a small market #and i'm just like pARDON me??? there is AMAZING writing coming out of thailand #just because you watch shit shows doesn't mean they're all shit what in the absolute shit is that?#if i was feeling feistier i would call them out on it #but i used up all of my fight earlier at work because [redacted] department sucks and i hope they get told off #for screwing over me and my coworker who doesn't seem as annoyed as i am but now i have no energy #but that's some shit to just casually say you won't ever expect good writing out of thailand #when uwma and bed friend and triage and 1000 stars and so many more exist #and that's just bl so what the fuck are you going to write off an ENTIRE country saying they can't write? absolutely the fuck not #i hope that person stubs their toe and then right when it starts to feel a bit better they stub it again #i hope their pens always have barely any ink so they have to struggle to write anything #i hope they never get to have wonderfully delicious thai food ever again #and they can only ever eat midwestern casseroles that are more jello than anything else #oh these tags are long oops i guess i'll end my rant here

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ihadmysightsetonyourightaway · 11 months ago

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Idk why my brain makes me think so much that the overthinking starts eating me from the inside out & when I speak out on my feelings I end up feeling like I am in the wrong and I shouldn’t have said what was on my mind.

I should probably go back to journaling my thoughts instead of trying to talk them out. No one really wants to see what I gotta say and nothing works out positively when I try to vent. I just end up messing everything up for myself.

They say communication is the key but in reality, my own words break me. Kind of hate being an open book with a fragile mind It’s a never ending battle with myself.

I be there for everyone but who’s there for me? I am. Hate being soft because I end up feeling like a burden so I end up apologize for my feelings.

#just my thoughts #ruining things at its finest #Issa repeating cycle #maybe I am the problem #no. not maybe. I am #always am #like what is wrong with me #why can I just shut up #I thought normal was boring #but all I want is to be normal #sadly I’ll forever be an annoying bitch #and always be in my stupid fucking feelings #the shit in my head lowkey makes me wanna end myself #but I know I am here for a reason #so I just gotta keep on keeping on #maybe one day I’ll get it right #but for now I’ll always be sorry for my feelings

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celestial-sapphicss · 1 year ago

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#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk #and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time #and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly #but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it #and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf #idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead #and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources #it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do #vi.txt

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bobapplesimblr · 2 years ago

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Man one of these days i'll find my perfect gshade preset

One day

Like, I have some very lovely presets <3 some of them even made by some friends of mine here on simblr! But I just,,,, my brain craves something a lot more specific.

Maybe I just need to play around more with the presets I already have, so wish me luck with that :,)

#rambles #i am tired as fuck right now #but i really REALLY wanna play stardew!!!! >X #>X'( *#i might end up playing sims intead but i really dont want to!#i am lowkey re-obcessed with stardew valley rn #i must talk to my love Harvey and finish tge community center #and be best friends with the Rasmodius #that plan is on the backburner now #hopefully one day I'll ve able to post really cute stardew edits :(

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astrxealis · 2 years ago

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about to become a fuuta kajiyama apologist

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#HI PLEASE NOTE THIS IS /HJ (A HALF-JOKE. mostly just a joke tbh)#i don't like being an apologist for anything even if it's fiction LMAO </3 #i will stop rambling (lie)#i love fuuta (real)#i think many just look at him face-value hebhgbahbghebhgjbjhebgjh but also IDK milgram makes me confused about my thinking process and all #it is just a wednesday what the fuck. i almost forgot i unfortunately still have homework #wow anyways can't believe i was here for the milgram site lowkey breaking bcs of fuuta. his power!!! he is so fire!!!#will never shut up about those kinda puns now. sorry (not)#oops i forgot to vote for yuno at all yet. i voted for haruka yesterday!!#did innocent to lower the gap a bit but ultimately i want to make sure he gets guilty but i am so conflicted.......#yuno ngl i would w/o a doubt vote innocent but i'm unsure what would be say... best for her? she doesn't have an actual crime imo #and i'm glad a lot feel the same (she has the right to do whatever she wants w her body!) but i do think she's too careless/apathetic #not that being apathetic or careless is necessarily bad but i wonder if a triple-innocent would be best even if i agree she should be #innocent. (please don't cancel me btw i'm just stating my thoughts at all hjhbadjgh i am pro-choice i love women fr)#i wonder what would happen with a verdict of 50/50. also idk if i've been using the word verdict right all this time lmfao

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