#so i’m signing up for comps and i’m freaking out lowkey because i just sent out an email to get my committee together and i feel so behind

[birdsofpvey]

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[survivormidwayatoll]

Ep. 4 - “Chill You’ve Only Missed One Round of the Warzone Freak” - Sara

DING DONG THE WITH IS DEAD. Ok, I don't mean, that I love her and I wish she wasn't so vocal about me not having power. But now... Kait is gone!! Yeaaahhh man! High key she was out for my blood and I'm totally fine with her being gone. She's a comp beast and a social threat and people like thhat are hard to take out at merge. So this is awesome for me. Also, I haven't gotten any blood on my hands yet, and I won this challenge in Rakiura, and I plan on doing it again. So I'm just doing what I can to avoid the Warzone. It sucks because I won't be making connections, but safety is better for the time being. I'd rather be safe and out of the loop, than a target with allies. Which brings me to my text point, being a target by winning challenges. That's EXACTLY why Kait was taken out, so I can't let the same fate come of me. I'm eventually going to have to go into the Warzone, but I'll do it after I see who submits and then I'll throw the challenge to get numbers. I wouldn't wanna have to mess my hair up while I'm in danger, so I might as well keep an entourage with me. I just have to really learn how to use this twist to my advantage. Isaac is getting a lot of blood on his hands right now, which is both beneficial to my game, and also not good at all. He's mentally not here for all of that, and if we keep sending him into the Warzone he'll burn out. So he'll either explode, or get voted off. But he's taking threats out for me, and I'm ok with it. But I want him safe for now. Allison seems to as well. Gage is just kinda there for me right now.... I have no idea where hes actually at. And Kelsey and Shae? Actual crackheads. What the fuck is going on with them? ACTUAL. CRACKHEADS. That's what. 

OH WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN FRIENDS??? Whew first of all I'm officially on a Witch Hunt for everyone that attended that tribal (except for Carson he can stay) but WHEW. Shea and Kelsey can stop with their fake drama like it's enough. I literally had to sit through a call with Shea and how distraught they were and it's just.....I don't buy it. I really don't. Especially if your gonna sit there and tell me you had no idea my duo was going and that my duo had no idea either like, I think I know my duo thanks. Then there's Tyler whose acting clueless that kait was even my duo and that he has absolutely know idea what happened. Like, do you really think that's gonna help??? I just hate fake people, I hate people who treat me like I'm a complete idiot. I'm not taking it! Not this season. I know if I go to the warzone I'm gonna be a Target so I'm gonna avoid it like the plague. My only Ally at this point is Jordan Pines and so if that ain't a sign that I'm on a death wish I don't know what is. But yeah anyway, #JusticeForKait will be served and these people are gonna realize they messed with the wrong black widows.

I don't even know what to say except what the fuck?

Last nights tribal just shows how out of the loop you are when you're not in the warzone I guess. I was thinking of throwing immunity for a solid 10 minutes and then I was like "chill you've only missed one round of the warzone freak @myself". Tribes who go on long immunity streaks miss game dynamic changes too. I'm just thinking too hard about it bc I want to have all the info in order to make the right moves but I just gotta remind myself that most of the time that's not feasible. 

I'm like the saddest 8 year old ever right now. The game of Survivor has so many layers, There's the social and physical aspects, the strategic aspect, but now with this particular season, there's the synergy aspect. Last night I tried to vote off my partner, yet it seems people were shocked by that move so a few people flipped and voted off Kait, which I was sad with because I really liked Kait. Kelsey set me off and I ended up outing him as a catfish, it just was eating at me. People were surprised I wanted Kelsey out but, I couldn't trust her. We don't have a partner dynamic like everyone else, we haven't been close friends for a long time. I thought I didn't know Kelsey before, but now I really don't know him. Apparently other people do, and Kelsey sent me this long paragraph about how he has leukemia and how this game means a lot to him. I don't know how much of that is true, if it is, I truly dearly from the bottom of my heart feel bad for him, but I just don't know if he is being genuine. He hasn't before, why would he start now. I don't want to go to tribal again, but it's likely i will. 

I'm completely crushed to be going back to the war zone. I feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna land here, It's so tiring. I'm back in that helpless feeling I felt last season, where there was a majority alliance closing in and there was nothing I could do. Ironically, I like the people on my tribe, but that doesn't matter. My closest allies in this game (Christine and Jordan) don't ever come to the war zone with me, and I'm left to fend for myself. I was put on a tribe full of strong physical players who I can't compete with in challenges. If this were a regular game, we'd probably never lose a challenge, but in a situation like this it's a nightmare. I'm going back to the war zone tonight where I'm going to, again, be lied to by some huge friend alliance Jordan says exists, and I'm probably going home 3rd tribal council, again, and thats really depressing. I'm sad to be in this position but there's nothing I can do. The only way I see myself staying is if people are actively gunning for a threat. I'm weak in challenges, I don't trust my duo, I'm easy to manipulate and a complete free vote, but people might not want to take advantage of that.

Remember what I said earlier about wanting to go to the warzone so I wouldn't feel out of the loop? Well here I am and I'm still out of the loop!! I hope it's just because it's noon on a Tuesday and people are at school/at work but I'd like to know what the vote is sooner rather than later. At this point I'd rather just take the easy vote and send Kelsey home because the first two votes were arguably uh...not the easy votes. Kait needed to go but I want that to be the only major blindside for the next few rounds but we all know that ain't happening 

I DONT KNOW WHERE I STAND IN THIS GAME BECAUSE I HAVENT HAD TO ACTUALLY PLAY YET. I'm really proud of myself for coming thru in these challenges, but it really limits the way I usually play, which is very social. I get stuck with 2-3 people every round, and like i get bored. I want a swap tbh. I really really really want to play with Billy. He'll keep me safe (or i hope so) I just really don't want to go into the warzone esp with people like Isaac there. But bet my ass I'm gonna fight to stay if I have to.

I don't know what is going on tonight and I'm highkey freaking out. Yes - the person who wants me out of the game is gone, but that does nothing to ease my nerves. I'm coming in a someone who is known in this series, either for winning, POTS, Hellwai or hosting. There are few people who came into this game without knowing me or knowing of me. That's terrifying. Yeah - I have people and I don't think I'm going home this week, but I don't know how long I will be able to pull this off TBH. I don't see them letting me make merge if they're smart. It'll be the first PI game I haven't made jury in, but I can just feel it. 

kelsey is gettin votes yeah

It aint a real TC if Kelsey and Shea aren't here! woo!

I have a lot of tea in a vid confessional I've yet to upload but basically Kait was killed and it SHOOKT up the game. And now my ass is in the war zone where I tried to get Shea killed but it might be Kelsey. But I've been lowkey worried it's Carson or myself because after Isaac went for Kait like that I'm worried like. The boy don't got anymore boundaries. I feel like he'll vote anyone. So I'll be sad if that happens and I go :') Especially because I have an IDOL. Well, technically a Rainbow Pistol. Which can become any of the super crazy color idols at random when played hehe. But I'm worried. Carson gave it to me to hold onto because he's not online so I'm gonna feel like shit if I'm voted out. I just have to hope I'm not getting fucked over!

Yes honey, back in town to shut it down and NOT receive a strike! XDDDD See you after this trial,  yes~? ;D