#i am like..... really tired of begging people to treat me as an equal (especially as an artist) or at least be sympathetic to my problems

[hangryyeena]

:)

[obae-me]

hi!! may i please request nsfw headcanons of the brothers (+ Diavolo and Barbatos, if you can) with an MC with a pastel aesthetic who usually wears skirts and thigh highs who loves plushies and is a brat in bed??

This is my first time writing NFSW headcanons so I hope you like them! 💜

NSFW Below The Line, Please note that even if these are suggestive I always write with equal consent in mind.

Lucifer

Oh no. When they came down from the human world in light pink clothes, looking innocent and naive, he knew he was going to have his hands full. Their stark contrast against the Devildom’s bold dark colors was just screaming for some lower demon to take them.

The more he got to know them, the more MC drove him wild, but in a good way. They pushed his buttons in all the right places, puffing up his pride and then tearing it down in a tease.

Whenever they wore thigh highs, which was often, he would get distracted, wondering what those thighs would look like tied up in his many ropes or ribbons.

When they finally got to bed together, their behavior was even worse.

“Is this all the Demon of Pride can do?”

They were a brat, and he needed to put them in their place. If they were going to act like a child, they would be punished like one.

He wouldn’t stop till they were obedient. Till the mouth that would dare mock him was singing his praises. Till they knew who to obey. And he wouldn’t give them any pleasure till they begged for it.

Mammon

Their bright and soft aesthetic reminded him of a child, and the last thing he wanted to do was be a human’s babysitter. However he would never have guessed how deep MC would have him wrapped around their finger.

He’d end up giving them anything they wanted to keep them happy. MC would abuse this just a bit. If he was going to be their sugar daddy without knowing it, they wouldn’t refuse. He’d pamper them with clothes, cute gifts, plushies, all because he couldn’t resist how they looked when they pouted their lips and asked him for it.

They teased him though, god, how they teased him. Not only how they looked but how they acted, especially with demons other than him. But push Mammon too far and he can be even more possessive than Lucifer. He’s the Demon of Greed, and if he wants something, he’ll take it by any means necessary.

If they’re already in bed with him, kissing and teasing, but being a brat? Denying him what he wants with a smile and a roll of the eyes and watching him get flustered over it? That’ll drive him wild. He’ll growl in their ears and take what’s his. Making sure to mark them in several places so everybody can know who MC belongs to.

Levi

They remind him of a kawaii anime character. He’ll fall in love with them immediately. None of the demons around here ever looked like that. Even the school uniforms RAD had were always dark and mature. He could barely look at them without blushing.

MC knew this and lived off it. They’d purposely get close to him, grabbing his arm and pushing their chest close against it. Wearing extra short skirts just to expose just enough skin to make him all red in the face. He’s a shy baby most of the time, until the demon comes out of him.

They would dare question his otaku reputation? They would dare talk about being with someone else just to make him jealous? They would dare snatching one of his prized figurines to hide it behind their back?

“If you want this back, you’ll have to go through me~”

He’s played so many dating games that he knows the only way they’ll be satisfied is through force. He’ll play them like a game and make sure he wins. With his fingers in all the right places till MC finally ends up the one red and flustered.

Satan

He couldn’t care less how MC decided to dress. Aside from a cultural perspective, fashion was never important to him, what someone looked like was insignificant next to how much they knew.

MC knew this and so they would act dumb around him, but for the life of him he couldn’t discover as to why. They did just fine in their studies, and surely they couldn’t be as dumb as they pretended to be.

Until they got a little more familiar, and MC would do things to him and act stupid as an excuse to get away with it. Surely they knew how he felt when they rubbed against him in sensitive areas. About how he felt being compared to Lucifer. Were they insulting him? Insulting his intelligence? Nothing made him angrier.

“But how am I supposed to know unless you teach me?”

Oh Satan would teach them a lesson alright. Class was about to be in session. They would know how to behave around him. They would be taught how to act if they wanted for him to please them so badly. If MC knew what they were doing, they would have to be prepared for his wrath to be unleashed so well bad they’d not be able to walk to school tomorrow.

Asmo

MC is so cute he can’t stand it. They’re both pink and bright and beautiful. The Devildom is so bland and drab, meaning MC is such a breath of fresh air. He knows all sorts of outfits that would look amazing on them.

Ooh, they’re going to be bratty? How cute, he can be bratty too, so who would win in the end? Anything MC said to him he just found endearing. He’s been in bed with everyone, honey, he knows how to handle them.

Ah but what he wasn’t expecting was for them to cut them off completely. To shun them and act like he doesn’t exist, on purpose. He had enjoyed the bratty game, because it was some form of attention, but now they’re not even giving him any of it? The shining Demon of Lust has to be the center of all their attention.

That outfit MC was wearing wasn’t cutting it. He’ll tear it off and give them something...better to wear. He has a separate closet full of clothes he wants to see MC in. Especially if it makes them turn that bratty attitude shy.

He’ll make sure they don’t forget him or ignore him again. He’ll have them memorize every inch of his body and sear it into their mind. He’ll have his moans be the only thing they hear all night. Ensuring it’s impossible to ignore him. He wants MC to know his body better than their own.

Beel

MC reminds him of something sweet like a marshmallow, he has to be held back not to eat them right off the bat. He only just needs to be patient...

He doesn’t really pick up on the behavior at first. They want something to eat? He’ll get it for them. If they throw a little tantrum if the food is wrong, they can have his, he’ll eat anything. He’s more of a protector, not a punisher, and so he doesn’t quite get why MC keeps acting like this around him.

So MC had to step up their game, and decided to eat the last of his special ice cream. When he found out, he was furious. MC knew it was his, and it was a limited flavor that won’t be back for another century. 

“What’re you going to do about it?”

If they ate his ice cream, he was going to have to eat something else. He’d just have to have MC as the appetizer, main course and dessert. He’ll take their clothes off with just his teeth. Leave them with faint bite marks as he nibbles on them. He’ll finally get to taste them through thoroughly, feasting off of them until he’s full.

Belphie

MC looked soft, like a pillow or a colorful cloud during sunsets he remembers seeing in the human realm. Even just looking at them made him sleepy. 

He’s Sloth, he doesn’t have the time or the energy to deal with MC’s taunts or advances. It exhausts him, and he’ll just sleep it off.

Or that’s what he’d like to do if MC would let him sleep. They’ll talk about anything to keep him awake. They’ll shake him. Bother him. Rattle him up. Even go so far as to sit on him and straddle his body, refusing to let him get rest. He gets cranky when he’s tired.

If that’s how they wanted it...he’ll stay awake, just to pin them to the bed. He’ll make sure MC’s noises are muffled by his pillow so they’re not too loud. He won’t stop until they’re so exhausted they’ll have no choice but to fall fast asleep, with him doing even more to them in their dreams. That night MC will be his pillow.

Diavolo

He liked how MC looked. It was different. It was human. He couldn’t get enough of amazing little humans. He especially was fond the way MC seemed to forget the fact he was a ruler. A Demon ruler. The brothers that MC had gotten to know so well were fallen, yes, but were angels originally. They weren’t Hell Breed demons. So no one had ever treated him the way MC did, and it drove Lucifer up the wall which he found so much more entertaining.

MC was trying so hard to get him riled up, but he’s been alive for ages, he’s had demons of all sorts out to get him mad, to lose his composure. To ruin his image. It wasn’t going to happen, adorable human, try as they so desperately may. He’d let them think it was working, just to humor them.

He thought it was so refreshing to be teased instead of worshiped for once. He wants to see how far they’re willing to go. How far they’re willing to push their luck. He’ll treat their boldness with rewards, but he also has an image to maintain, so there’s no way MC is getting out of this without ending up on their knees. He’ll just postpone it as long as he’s able.

He’ll have them discover how much power he has, how much people fear him, how much special treatment he’s given them thus far. They’ve never seen a demon like this before. His very presence emanates superiority. At the end of the day he’ll find out how much more satisfying it is to have MC at his feet than anyone else.

Barbatos

Barbados is Diavolo’s source of information. None other than him could be the one to directly serve the Lord himself. He knows everything about MC. Everything. Every MC from every timeline and possible outcome. Which means that the fact that this MC was here like this says he chose them. He chose to be here in this present with this MC.

He’s the most composed demon in the Devildom, even surpassing Lucifer and Diavolo himself. No one will ever know if they’ve pissed him off, his expression is unchanging and they’ll find themselves along the branch of time where they die their worst death.

So the fact that MC was purposefully trying to frustrate him up was amusing. Of course he’d never do anything to harm them since they were important to Diavolo and the program, and he was quite fond of them.

He’d show them possible bedroom events they could have together, but would never give them any until they asked for it. He was still a gentleman and a butler, and so he wouldn’t do anything until someone told him to. He’d be pleased watching MC spend ages trying to pry him out of his cool-headed nature so he could do as he would with them. But eventually they would succumb against his unwavering gaze and beg for Barbados to fulfill some of those futures that he taunted them with.

[dumdumsun]

Forever and Never

A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this series ❤️ I’ve had so much fun writing this and am very proud of and excited for it, I can’t wait to see how people react to this. Um I know there are plenty of warnings for a first chapter, but I promise it’s not as depressing as it sounds. It’s just that this story can deal with heavy stuff sometimes, so I just wanna let you know that. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, death, sexual assault and mental illness

Word Count: 3194

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One: Hi, My Name Is

“So, what was your time in Pennsylvania like?”

“Uh… I’d have to say it was the best… and worst time of my life.”

“Best and worst, huh? Would you like to elaborate?”

“Well, I, uh… I mean, I don’t really know how to, like… explain it. It’s a lot. I don’t even know where to begin… Or how I would even word it or anything.”

“Well, you told me you like television and movies, right? You know those shows and movies where the main character tells the plot as, like, their life story? Maybe you could try that.”

“You aren’t… You aren’t serious, are you?”

“You’ll know when I’m joking, trust me.”

“Oh… Okay, then. Well, um…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi? My name is… (Y/N)? This is my life story, I guess.

So, if we’re going to talk about my life in Pennsylvania, we’re going to have to start with my life in Kansas, first. I had two loving parents that soon turned into one at the too-young age of nine years, when my mom died. I remember her as one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. She had this way about her that was so carefree, yet she gave a shit about everything. You could never pin a thought to her because she never let you in on what was bouncing around in her head. She was stubborn and patient and lively. I miss her so much. I don’t usually think about her unless it’s a particularly hectic day, which I then resort to talking to the ring I wear on my left pinky finger at all times. Wasn’t anything special, just some cheap ring with a little emerald inside she found at a thrift store. It used to be hers and she’d wear it on the exact same finger. My dad said she’d want me to have it.

My dad is my favorite person. He isn’t the most… present, though. His mind is never set in one place, always racing with hundreds of unrelated thoughts. It’s why when you finally drag him back into reality, he can’t repeat a single sentence spoken to him. Regardless, he’s all I had for a long time. I never really learned what he does for a living, but I just know that it forces him to leave town sometimes. Well, more like all the time. Before my mom died, it was easy for him to leave for weeks on end, but when he became my only guardian, he didn’t really know what to do with me. It was like he completely forgot how to take care of a child, his child. When I turned twelve, that was when he started travelling again. I would then be home by myself for a month to eight weeks. In these times, I had no choice but to learn to cook for myself, go grocery shopping and housekeep. I became pretty independent at a young age. It wasn’t like Dad left me totally alone, though. He would call every two or three days and he sent me two hundred dollars every two weeks. Like I said, I don’t know what my dad did, but he was definitely getting paid. At the end of eighth grade, Dad had a particularly long trip to go on, so he sent me to Pennsylvania, where his sister lived.

Pennsylvania was partially the best part of my life because of my family. My Aunt Pam was like a second mother to me. She was never able to have another child after my cousin Jacob and she’s always wanted a daughter of her own, so that’s what I was to her. The daughter she could never have. I’d often find her staring at me with a bittersweet smile on her face, watching my every move with a sense of pride, but when I’d ask her what was wrong she’d only brush it off as her admiring me. My Uncle David didn’t necessarily view me as a daughter, but he certainly treated me like one. When he wanted to spend time with Jacob, he included me as well. We’d usually go on drives around the town, but I always fell asleep to the soft and serene music that filled the car from the radio. On the weekends, we would head down by the lake and spend hours learning to fish.

I hated it, but I couldn’t complain. It gave me a sense of certainty to live with a father figure who didn’t leave me alone every two or three months.

Jacob was like a brother to me. He’s a year older than me, which, to him, meant that he had to protect me at all costs. I always assumed it was because he always wanted a younger sibling, and I was the closest he was ever going to get to that. I always felt as though I’d never be able to equal Jacob on an intellectual level because he practically had the IQ of Albert Einstein himself. I felt inferior to him until I found out how much of a joy he really was. On the weekends, he would beg me to accompany him in a movie marathon. I learned that Jacob was a huge fan of Tim Burton (his favorite was Beetlejuice). He’s the only cousin I’ve ever known. Mom and Dad didn’t like each other’s families, so I never met anyone besides this little family. Moving in with them meant that they’d have this huge burden on them.

Yes, I almost forgot to mention that I struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. It just means that my mind is flooded with these crazy and unnecessary thoughts and so my behavior is affected by them. For example, if I were to blink and felt I put more pressure on my left eye than my right, I would have to repeatedly wink with my right eye until they felt balanced. Sometimes I can’t enter a room until I have inhaled eight times. If I scratch an itch on my left knee, I have to scratch the right one in the exact same place. At the sink, even if I don’t use both knobs, I have to hold both in my hands. And when I turn them off, I often have to check about four times before I am certain they’re turned off all the way. I know, it sounds tiring. Just imagine being on my end, having it be a part of who you are. I can’t do anything to stop it, I wish I could. I was always afraid to make friends because of this. If I couldn’t be balanced, I’d freeze, and I mean actually stop whatever I’m doing and stand still, until my body felt as if I were balanced once again. Who wouldn’t make fun of me for this?

Apparently, no one gave a shit about it. After moving to Pennsylvania, I made quite a name for myself at school. Literally. My name was Zip. I have no fucking clue how that ridiculous name came to be, but that’s what I went by day after day. One could say I was considered popular, but it wasn’t like I actually spoke to anyone. When it came to extracurriculars, I only participated in theatre. I never was part of the cast, just the stage manager. Secretly, I wanted so badly to audition and be a part of the magic they created on that stage. Not to boast or anything, but I had the talent and potential to be a starring role. But I could never bring myself to break out of my shell. Nonetheless, being stage manager still got me quite the attention. Everyone was always so nice to me, so I felt a little bad for not considering any of them as friends. That was until I met Dina.

Dina was new to our school sophomore year. She had this sort of light to her that attracted the pesky moths that were our dull and boring school body. We had the same social status in school. People liked our personalities, so we were well-liked and accepted without doing much to prove ourselves worthy. She was sweet and compassionate and so fun. I didn’t mean to become her friend, but she was so welcoming, despite being the newcomer. We became close friends, but not best friends. We already had people filling those roles.

Dina’s best friend was Sydney Novak. Sydney moved to Brownsville around the same time as Dina, so the two became best friends quickly, but Sydney wasn’t very popular at all. She was shy and introverted, but I thought she was nice enough. I liked her and thought she was a pretty cool person. We weren’t necessarily friends, we were just well acquainted simply because we were both close with Dina. The transitive property, if you would. I just wish we could’ve talked more, our relationship was pretty much nonexistent.

Speaking of nonexistent relationships, let’s talk about Richard Berry. I honestly don’t want to even think about him, but he played a role in my life that was too vital to just offhandedly mention. For some odd reason, Ricky Berry was absolutely in love with me. It was so obvious to everyone except for me. Sophomore year, he expressed his love through the most arrogant and cheesiest of pick-up lines and compliments. I wasn’t so easily won over, if you could guess. I tried being good friends with him, but he’d always fuck it up when he tried to initiate intimacy. I didn’t want to hold hands with him in the halls or receive “friendly” cheek kisses. I’m not what you would call affectionate, especially towards people I’m not close to. It’s just never been comfortable for me. Junior year, everyone around me was buzzing with excitement when they heard Ricky was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. The cheerleaders, who got to know him through his high school football career, constantly pestered me with reasons as to why I would be so lucky to date The Richard Berry. Granted, he became less of a dick junior year, so I thought, Why not?, and accepted. Being in a relationship with Ricky was the most one-sided… anything I had ever been a part of. He was undeniably enamored with me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to reciprocate those feelings. He would show me off to his family and friends like a trophy, but if someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I’d go, “I mean, yeah. I guess”, so not a very healthy relationship. It also didn’t help that Ricky knew nothing about boundaries.

One night, we were in his bedroom, studying for a science test. Ricky wasn’t focused at all and kept trying to kiss and cuddle with me. I let him for awhile, but then he took my book from me and set it on the ground beside his bed. He suggested we have sex right then and there. Now, I was never a prude and definitely didn’t wait to have sex for the first time, but I never wanted Ricky to be my first. He hadn’t earned enough of my trust to even touch me suggestively. So, of course I refused. Ricky only took that as me teasing him, so he advanced, nearly forcing himself on me. Using all my might, I shoved him off of the bed. He stood to his feet, utterly confused, but I only gathered my things and left his house. He tried following after me, but I ignored him until he turned and went back into his home. The next day at school, he was holding me and kissing me and showing me off to everyone like he always did. As if nothing happened between us the night before. It was difficult to do, since he was so inconsiderate, but I managed to break up with him. He tried to deny that we were Splitsville for about a week, but everyone caught wind of our break-up. Once everyone knew about it, it became true for him. I never really felt comfortable with being intimate or open with guys after that.

Besides with Stanley Barber, of course. Stan was my best friend in the entire world. I told only my deepest, darkest secrets to him. And he told me his. The only things we really had in common were our lack of mothers and our hideous bacne. Stan lived a few houses down and was eager to get to know me a week after I moved in. I’d never met anyone in my life like Stan. He was so awkward, but loveable. I don’t know, I guess he reminded me of my mom. The way he didn’t care, but he so clearly did. Whenever I wanted to talk about something that was difficult to voice, we’d smoke to ease the tension. Of course, this wasn’t how we always communicated. Despite his nervous stuttering, he was easy to open up to. Stan provided a sort of security in my life. He was never going to leave me and that put me at ease when hanging out with him, which we did regularly. I don’t know when exactly I developed a crush on him, but I never wanted it to surface in our bond. He was to never know. It was just a stupid crush, right? He was a guy who wasn’t family and was so unbelievably caring towards me. It was bound to happen, but that didn’t mean he had to be aware of it. Though, it was a little hard to keep such a secret when we’d both made out twice already. The first time was while I was dating Ricky, the kiss was very awkward and ended after about a minute and a half. The second kiss was just half a week after my breakup. That time, we’d both known what we were doing. And I may be a little biased, but you couldn’t have even thought to fake the passion in that makeout session. We never talked about either of those kisses and remained friends both times. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that we didn’t become anything more afterwards. It was for the best, though, because two weeks before spring break, my dad returned from his job in Georgia and moved me to Kansas again. The move was so abrupt that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to anyone besides my family.

My life in Kansas for the second time was something I’d never want to experience ever again. Since it was a little late in the year, I finished junior year online. For some unexplained reason, my dad had us get new phones and new numbers, so I lost all contact with my friends. I had no one to talk to and it wasn’t like my dad paid much attention to me. I remember spending every waking moment with him when I was younger, talking or playing games or watching television. It used to be so fun being his daughter, but when we moved back to Kansas, I just felt like this huge burden in his life. Our relationship was strained and he clearly had other priorities in his life. Like whatever he left back in Georgia. I’d see his phone ring and the same number from that state would pop up before he’d leave the room and privately talk with whoever. It wasn’t the secrecy that was off-putting to me, it was the fact that it was so much more important to him. Once again, I was ignored by the one person in my life I wanted to spend the most time with. So, you can imagine the joy I felt when Dad had to go back to Georgia for work. I had been attending public school for my senior year and left not even a full month in. It didn’t bother me, I had no friends and nothing to leave behind. Mid-September was when I moved back to Brownsville with Aunt Pam. Everyone accepted me right back in. Especially my classmates. As I walked the halls I heard whispers like,

“Oh, my god, is that Zip?”

“Zip’s back! Where’d she even go?”

“I thought she died.”

The only person I really wanted to notice me was Stan. I missed him so much, I even got into his favorite band to have something to remember him by. I remember the day I got back to my aunt’s house. Jacob had picked me up from the airport and was driving me to the house. He was attending community college, but was still living with his parents. As we drove, he tapped his index fingers rhythmically to the shitty pop music that played on the radio. “So, what are you excited about for senior year?”

“Not much, I just missed Dina and Stan. Theatre, too. I wonder how they’ve been doing without me.” I chuckled. Jacob huffed in amusement.

“But you didn’t miss Ricky?”

“Fuck, Jake, you know I didn’t miss him for a second.” I frowned, waving my hand in dismissal. My cousin tauntingly laughed at me. Had he actually known about what happened between Ricky and I, he wouldn’t have teased me. In fact, Ricky wouldn’t even be alive that day if Jacob found out. No one knew about the incident, not even Stan.

Pulling up in front of the house, we got out of the car and headed to the trunk to pull out my bags. I tried carrying them in, but Jacob insisted that he do all the heavy lifting and simply asked me to carry my backpack and close the trunk. I did what little I was asked of and headed to the front door to greet my aunt and uncle inside, but stopped. In the corner of my eye, I saw movement from the Barber residence. Turning, my eyes locked on Stanley, who was frozen beside his car. He was wearing his work uniform and staring at me with the most bewildered expression on his face. It was like he thought himself to be hallucinating my existence. Smiling, I simply waved at him before walking back inside. When he got home from work that night, he headed over to my house and knocked on the door. I answered with a grin on my face. “Stan!”

“If it isn’t the famous Zip, showing back up in my life.”

“Ugh, do not call me that.” I rolled my eyes playfully before bringing him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin at the top of my head. I would’ve stayed there all night if I could’ve. When Stanley pulled away, my heart hollowed and a pit formed within my stomach. I felt unfinished, unbalanced. And I hate imbalance. He asked if I wanted to hang out and I accepted his offer. All we did was lay on his floor, listen to music and get high, but in that moment, that’s all I needed.

Bloodwitch, a joint, and Stan laying by my side.

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Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit

[imnotusedtobeingloved]

EQUALLY LUCKY

(PLEASE DON’T REBLOG!)

Warnings: Internal conflict / Mental struggles.

Pairing: Azula x f!Reader

Characters: Azula, Zuko, Izumi.

Requested: Yes!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor the gif. Credit to the owners.

Summary: You get a glimpse into Azula’s life years after Sozin’s Comet, with you by her side.

A/N: This was my first time making an x reader with Azula, so i’m very nervous to post this lol. It got way more angsty than i intended it to be, but i also wanted to try and stay true to Zula’s character to some extent. And i very much hope i did. Thank you for the great request @the-desert-shewolf​ i hope this is what you were looking for.

“Zuzu, you don’t look so good!”

The last Agni Kai. It was a day that was forever branded into your mind. You could still remember the heat of her flames. How her patient, strategic mind slipped into a rash and impulsive demeanor. She’d fataly wounded her own brother. Ready to do the same to Katara, if she hadn’t stopped her. And that was when you’d found her. Chained to a grid on the floor like an animal, crying in despair and spitting fire like a dragon. Nobody dared to go near her for hours. Nobody but you. “You need to stop, Azula,” You’d cried tears of your own as you forcefully hugged her, body winding against yours. Still trying to free herself. Still trying to fight. Still trying to win. “Please... I’m begging you...” Her whimper broke your heart. You were all that she had left.

There were times when not even a heartfelt “I love you,” could save her. Instead it was interpreted as a further manipulation through her mother. The so called ‘Puppetmaster’. She felt so far out of reach.

But not all days were bad. Sometimes Azula remembered. In the bright hours she recalled your supportive actions and words. You always hoped they would give her some kind of strength. And it wasn’t any easier to face those hardships yourself. To love someone who was hurt so very deeply.

“Being damaged doesn’t give you the right to abuse others,”

A lot of people called her crazy. Called you crazy for feeling affection towards the princess. But what were you supposed to do? You couldn’t just ignore them. Or turn them off. It wasn’t possible. It wasn’t what you wanted. All you were trying to do was to care for a person you’d known since you were a kid. A childhood friend, teenage crush and an adult lover. Where Zuko had been saved by Iroh, Azula had been saved by you. But it wasn’t quite the same. You'd just been a little kid yourself at the time.

“Are you going to see Azula?” You nodded, smiling at Zuko over your shoulder. The robes of the Fire Lord really suited him. “I am. I want to surprise her with a picnic,” He raised a brow, curiously leaning over the little basket on the table before you. You’d spent hours picking out different kinds of tarts and snacks, trying not to get in the way of the cooks.

It was a perfect summer day. The climate was warm and mild. Your timing couldn’t have been better.

Years had passed since Sozin’s Comet occured. Years full of anxiety and anger. But finally you’d arrived in a part of your life, where things were looking up again. The time spend supporting Zuko as the Fire Lord hadn’t been wasted. Both of you worked together on a daily basis. Especially when it came to his sister. Despite everything she had done, he couldn’t deny that he held a soft spot for her. So it was no wonder that she resided in one of the finest suites of the palace. After being monitored and treated for ages, her mental heatlh finally regained stability.

“She’s lucky to have you, (Y/N),” He said, attempting to steal one of the tarts only to earn a slap on the hand. Grumbling he retreated, watching as you checked the contents again, before closing the lid. “Maybe,” You turned around to face your friend. “But i’d like to think we’re equally lucky,”

Your picnic was set up in the gardens, by the fountain, under the old apple tree.

Her whole life Azula only gained approval from two people. Her father and you. The few moments of empathy she experienced were supported by you. If she had a nightmare late at night, you’d crawl into bed with her. When you reduced the choice between you two to physical affection, Ozai couldn’t keep up with you. The mixed messages her parents gave her as a child were what lead her into misery. But her best friend, someone of the same age, stuck by her.

Eventually you’d won her over. Relationships were rekindled. Needs were met.

And right this moment, you were beyond glad that you had. “There you are, sugarplum,” An involuntary grin spread on your face. You’d been so busy with displaying everything perfectly that you hadn’t heard her come up behind you. “I see you haven’t grown tired of the petnames,” That nickname would truly stick with you for life. She’d once used it mockingly, back when you visited Ember Island. And she did ever since. It was always used with an edge of sarcasm, but never empty of love.

“You wouldn’t have it any other way, would you (Y/N)?” You turned around to her, reaching for one of her hands. Her fingers intwined themselves with yours. “Of course not, Azula,” Pulling her towards your little arrangement, you sat down on the blanket, leaning against the strong stem of the tree and patting the spot beside you.

Since her recovery she’d formed a habit of over-sharing her feelings and often apologizing more than nessecary. Those were new sides that you had to grow accustomed to, but that weren’t unwelcome. Nevertheless you were relieved that she also kept some of her wit. She knew she could be free with you. Didn’t need to fear any jugdement. Some days were harder than others. On those Azula would cry a lot. And so would you. You couldn’t stand seeing her so broken.

“Keep it together, (Y/N),” She would say at first, making you laugh through your tears. “It’s okay,” You’d reassure her time and time again. “Healing takes time,”

It was hard to face all those bottled up emotions after such an amout of time. It wasn’t her favorite way to deal with things at first, but she quickly found it helped. And it didn’t take long for her to tell you.

“Sharing your tears doesn’t make you weak,” She’d repeat your words in her darkest times. It brought her comfort. Kept her from going back to her old ways.

The princess moved to sit in the spot next to you, but she never made it that far. Small feet rushed through the grass, running straight into her legs. A tiny, little person curled around them, hugging her as far as she could reach. “Zula!” They squeaked.

The so-called ‘Zula’ raised a brow and crossed her arms, looking down at the little troublemaker. “What do you think you’re doing here?” The girl only lifted her hands in response. You stiffled a smile as Azula picked her up. “Where is your father? Didn’t he want to spend time with you?” Yes he did. And he arrived right on time. “Izumi?” Zuko looked around, searching for her, until he spotted you. The princess was snuggling into her aunt’s chest, a place that always felt warm. You knew it best. “There you are!” His sister raised a brow, tapping her foot on the ground, when he walked up to the three of you. When they stood next to each other, the family-resemblance was undeniable. They shared the same shade of amber eyes, the soft umber strands, and the fair, spotless skin.

It was another person that had helped Azula on her journey. Izumi.

The girl got to experience the childhood the siblings never had. She was proof that princesses didn’t have to be perfect all the time. Nobody did. And she loved her aunt without any doubt or fear.

“You really need to keep better watch on her, Zuzu. This is already the fifth time this has happened,” The Fire Lord nodded, holding his hands out. “Of course. It won’t happen again, i promise,” Azula tried handing her niece over, who whined, clinging to her neck. “But i mean, now that we’re already here, we could also just join you on your picnic,” He argued, pointing to his daughter who held onto Azula’s clothes with all her might. “Izumi seems to like the idea,” You squinted your eyes at him. This was definetely not a coincedence. Accidents don’t repeat themselves that often. “Admit it, Zuko. You’ve purposefully told Izumi that her aunt is here, only so you could get your clutches on our food again!” You’d connected the dots and read the situation. He’d taken a glimpse into your basket every time before you went out the past times. Particular interest always occured when it contained those delicous fruit tarts. With rose pedals on top. He gasped. “No, i didn’t!” 

“He’s lying,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. Izumi proceeded to tell her father that “Lying is bad!” which earned her a gentle pat on the head from her aunt.

Nevertheless they swayed you to share some of the ‘goodies’ as Izumi liked to call them. Finally you had Azula were she belonged. Next to you. Her niece sat in her lap, munching happily as your lover ran her hand through her hair. It had taken some time until she’d been allowed to see Izumi at first. Zuko and her mother hadn’t let them meet each other until his sister was completely stabile. Additionally he didn’t want to put Azula through something she couldn’t handle at the time. Their first meeting had been nervewracking for everyone who watched, but an eye-opening event for the two princesses. They seemed comfortable. Content with each other. Sometimes Azula would act as if Izumi bothered her. But she couldn’t deny that she was fond of the girl.

It was also no secret that Azula was clearly the ‘coolest aunt’. At least from Izumi’s perspective. She looked up to her as the strongest female firebender, to be known. Of course she was still too young to fight. But that didn’t stop her from constantly begging the siblings for stories. “Can you tell me a story?” She’d ask, making a pout. “I’ve told you stories countless times,” Her aunt replied, booping her upturned nose. “Another one, pleeease?” Azula sighed. Zuko chimed in, coming to her aid. He started telling the tale of the ‘Dance of Dragons’ in great detail, paying no mind to his sisters sarcastic comments interrupting the tale. Izumi was exstatic about both of them engaging in the narrative. When the story was completed, he beamed at Azula. “Remember when mother used to take us to watch the Ember Island Players perform this play? Afterwards you and i would reenact every scene. I don’t get why i always had to be the dark water spirit, tough,” His sister scoffed, not hiding her gleefull smirk. “Clearly, i made a better dragon emperor,” Her niece laughed at their antics, clapping her little hands. You could comprehend her joy. It was hilarious to have them both participate.

Unfortunatly, Izumi couldn’t escape her duties forever. “Bye, auntie Zula! Bye auntie (Y/N)!” She waved when Zuko carried her back inside. Upon her loopsided smile, Azula couldn’t help but grin, waving back. It wasn’t a sneer or a grimace. It was a genuine expression of so much beauty, that it took your breath away. When she turned back to face you, she furrowed her brows. “Why are you looking at me like that?” There were a ton of reasons. You didn’t even know were to start. So your delight had to be expressed differently. Her lips weren’t far from yours. It took a mere second to connect them. They were soft, as always. She tasted sweet, like the pastries she’d eaten before. “You’re my everything,” you mumbled, her lips still brushing yours. You see her eyes watering as she struggled to speak her next words. They reminded her of all that she’d endured. And yet you’re important enough for her to pull through. “I love you, (Y/N),”

A moment later the tears were replaced by a smile. Her hands came to rest on your cheeks, one of her thumbs running over your bottom lip, removing the lipstick hers had left. You yelped as she abruptly grabbed your shoulders, pulling you to rest your head in her lap.

She worked to untangle your locks, massaging your scalp in the process. Her nails lightly scraped your skin every so often. It felt relaxing. Heavenly. The smell of smoke and leather teased your senses. Something so familiar that it was like home. You allowed yourself to close your eyes for a moment, being at peace with just... feeling her. Being in her presence.

“Agni, you look just as self satisfied as my niece,” She playfully remarked.

The slight breeze made the leaves rustle softly. “Why wouldn’t i?” You chuckled, slowly opening your eyes to look up at her. Her slim fingers hadn’t stopped spoiling you. She looked stunning in the midday sun. Her eyes glowed like molten gold, framed by long, dark lashes, casting shadows on her cheeks. “I’m being pampered by the princess herself. I consider myself to be very lucky,” Her lips pulled into a smile as she caught your gaze.

“You’re right, (Y/N). We are lucky,”

Because everything you did for her, she would return tenfold.

Despite all the hardships, neglect and abuse she’d suffered, Azula had managed to get out on the other side.

Stronger, and better than ever.

Reconnected to the world around her, she remained one of the most powerful fire benders. Her blue flames offering protection wherever you’d go.

When she’d first felt affection towards you, she thought you were her weakness.

Now she knew you were her strength.

[immortal-enemies]

this would probably be an unpopular opinion but i don't understand how everyone seems to sympathise so much with grace

yes, tatiana was abusive and she didn't deserve to have the kind of childhood she did - but does that really make her "a great character that needs a redemption arc" though? She's done a lot of awful things (explaining in detail is tiring but i think we all get the gist lol) and not everything was because she was simply forced to. This one is based on personal preference but i really don't think she has that much of a personality either.

something common I see is "she would be a lot more loved if she was a man" and while i agree, i honestly think she would also be criticised a lot more by the fandom. So many of the m characters have the "they're terrible because they had a bad childhood/was abused and didn't actually want to be awful" trope and the fandom is critical of them (as they should). But why is it different with grace?

I'm not trying to invalidate other's opinions but i just find it hard to agree with her getting a redemption arc. I'm fine with people liking her character, I guess it's more of when they try to justify what she did and excuse her actions? also sorry this is so long 😅

Hey!! Absolutely no problem!! This was, for lack of a better word, interesting to read.

Alright, I'm sorry that this took so long to answer, but I was considering exactly HOW I was going to answer.

So, I'm turning this ask into a ask/rant. Under the cut is my current, unedited, written at 12:00 am, honest opinions on Grace and ig Tatiana, keep in mind that I am, I guess, “anti grace blackthorn” so this isn’t full of defenses for her, quite the opposite, in fact. Read at your own risk (fair warning, it’s long), but since no one will probably read it anyway, idk.

Yes, after CoI that is an unpopular opinion. No, I don't understand it much either. To a certain degree.

One of the things I think that people seem to forget/overlook/ignore is that, despite everything, Grace still had a choice. She decided to give in and spend years abusing a young boy. Tatiana is abusive, but that will never change the fact that, at the end of the day, Grace still had a choice. And yes, I understand why she did it. She was in a horrible place, mentally and physically, but she still decided. No amount of arguing will change that fact. It's her life, it's her choice.

Yes, she did do horrible things without needing to. Her power in to compel/control men. She didn't have to kiss Matthew and use it as some sort of blackmail, but she did. She actually had no reason to other then some personal reason. She could have made Mathew forget. In CoI Grace claims that Matthew would have forgotten the kiss anyway, so why do it in the first place?

That's one of the problems I have with how CC wrote Grace. She had to make the one girl abusing a boy be because she didn't want to show her young female audience that they can be abusive too. Women can be just as abusive as men, and TSC is an awful example of that. Looking at all of the abusive characters who were like that simply for their own possible benefit, the ratio of men to women in that is completely off balance. Not saying it has to be equal, but I'm fairly certain Grace would be the only female character abusing a male character for her own personal gain, while adding a character to her (yes, I also agree that she has none.) not necessarily a character to look up to, but she's not that in canon either.

Now, a point on Tatiana: Tatiana is a character who was driven to be crazy by severe trauma, grief and mental illness, and is portrayed as one of the main villains of the series because of what those factors led her to become. It's also used as a plot point that "she could have reached out to anyone in her family; they were willing to help." So you're telling me that she's the villain because she didn't reach out to the people who, in her point of view, murdered her father, husband and son? ESPECIALLY in the 1800-1900's? That ain't it. We all know that the Shadowhunter families, and Shadowhunters in general, are not responsible for this, but when you look for someone to blame, especially in a horrific mental state, that could very easily be the only thing you hold on to. To be clear: I'm not defending her. Going back to my Grace point, she DID still have a choice in who she became, but I hate how people go "UwU Grace" and then "Tatiana is the bad one 😡" when they're very similar.

Now, onto your last point: gender.

Yikes, touchy subject in fandom.

Yes, if Grace was a man, she would be much more liked from the beginning. But also, if she was a man, then the Grace stans probably wouldn't BE Grace stans, and would hate him relentlessly and criticize and hate. One of the main reasons that people excuse her so much are because she's a girl who's abusive to a boy!! And like, boy's can't BE abused. ESPECIALLY by women, right? I mean, THEY'RE always the abusers!! (/s)

Something else: Christopher.

Alright. This isn't very big, but people praise Grace for not controlling Christopher in CoI. That's horrible. You don't praise people and say "UwU so cute couple goals!" at the fact that she didn't do something absolutely awful to him.

A general criticism of YA is how, in general, m/f relationships are portrayed in a kind of stereotypical/abusive way? Like, you have the guy who, in absolutely NO way can call out/say ANYTHING negative about their female love interest, and are often portrayed as afraid of them. That's... Ew. And then you have the girl who is a badass mf who gets some sick pleasure out of scaring the "love of their life"? Ew. But it's also always said that that's what a relationship should be, and I'm not saying that that's what young girls are going to look up to/expect a relationship to be like, but fiction does affect reality. And honestly for a while I was genuinely terrified at being in a relationship because I didn't want to treat a guy how these girls in YA do. That was mostly unrelated, but I thought of it while thinking of a response to this ask so it's gonna be included.

Anyway, it does beg the argument: what would I have done in Grace's position? What was she supposed to do in such a difficult situation? Well. A mere year ago I would have said "I wouldn't have done it" but know that I would if I was broken down enough, especially at the age Grace was when she got her power. But now, I can easily and honestly say, that I would not agree to anything Grace did. If I was put in her position, I would venomously refuse.

There was more I wanted to say, but like, no one is reading this anyway do like-

[goth-surana]

Hope and Hopelessness Chapter 5

Chapter 5 of 7

Main pairing: Anders/Male Hawke

Main tags: Angst with a happy ending, tranquil!Anders, cure for tranquility

Summary: After some time on the run with Hawke, Anders is caught and made tranquil. Hawke cannot bring himself to kill him, instead chasing a distant hope that there may be a cure.

Read on AO3 or below the cut

Hawke could barely sleep that night, and he was in the best bed he had slept in in a year. He was too on edge, both from being in what he considered enemy territory and from the anticipation of the next day. The inquisitor may have given them her protection, but this decision was not supported by all. Anything could still happen, especially with Cullen hanging around. Hawke still couldn’t believe Varric had neglected to mention his presence here. This inquisition may have allied with the rebel mages, but any place with an army led by Cullen wasn’t safe for any mage.

How did the inquisitor not know that? Did she just not know about what an awful man he was? Sure, maybe he changed, but Hawke could barely imagine how a man with opinions like his could have.

Anders slept soundly in the same large bed next to Hawke, not nervous at all about the next day. Because he was still incapable of being nervous. Hawke was nervous. This had to work. Hawke was so close to breaking, this hope was all that held him together.

Finally, after fits of rest here and there, the sun rose over the mountains.

Anders woke up quickly, got dressed efficiently. Hawke missed his frantic scrambling when he realized he slept in too late, even if he didn’t miss Anders beating himself up about it.

Oh Maker, he even missed that. Anything to show Anders was Anders.

In the afternoon, the Hero of Fereldan arrived. Hawke was keeping to himself in the corners of rooms with Anders, staying away from the inquisition’s inner circle.

The doors to the war room flung open and in walked Surana, confident as ever. The whole room looked up in awe, all recognizing her.

Well, everyone stared in awe except for Leliana. Instead the woman rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the smaller elf, a hug which she returned in equal measure.

Surana was still not dressed in Warden’s regalia, likely trying to keep a low profile.

Surana muttered something to Leliana before turning to address the room.

“All right, get your staring out of the way,” she grinned. “Yes, it’s me, Hero of Fereldan, slayer of the archdemon. Blah blah and all that. I’m sure you’re all quite impressive yourselves.”

The room murmured nervously, and Cassandra scowled. Cullen was looking quite purposefully away from Surana.

Surana noticed.

“Ser Cullen!” She exclaimed, walking right over to the mortified man. “Good to see you again, although I’m surprised you haven’t combusted around all those mages out there.”

“Erm,” Cullen responded sheepishly, “a lot has changed since we last met, Re- uh, Warden Commander. I am no longer the man I was.”

“I sure hope not,” Regan replied good-naturedly, patting him aggressively on the shoulder. “Although I heard you did try to annul another Circle after Kinloch. Good thing there’s no more Circles, or I’d really be worried.”

She spoke easily, but venom underlined her words. So they had a history too, it seemed.

“I realize our meeting again is… complicated,” Cullen said. “But I do hope we can be acquainted better than last we met.”

Surana dropped her smile. “Fine, I can be civil. I agree that people can change. I’m here to help Anders anyway.”

Surana turned to the rest of the group. “So where are we doing this?”

“The cells,” Casandra said. Hawke turned to her immediately.

“To protect against the danger of suddenly returning magic,” she told Hawke firmly. “We do not know what kind of destruction he might unleash. Cullen will also be present in order to nullify any magic that gets out of hand.”

“You’re bringing him back with a bloody Templar hovering over him?” Hawke tried not to yell.

“Hawke, it makes sense,” Anders said quietly from beside him. “The inquisitor explained that I will likely be quite emotional. I will be a danger to everybody.”

Hawke shook his head. “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” he muttered.

Adaar looked apologetically at them both. She had probably fought this. Surana just looked disgusted.

“Fine,” the elf said. “Let’s go then. Shouldn’t draw this out anymore than it needs to be.”

The small group made their way to the dungeons. Cassandra tried to convince Adaar not to accompany them, but she insisted. “Under my protection means I’m making sure they come to no harm,” she said. Looks like she didn’t trust this woman.

Surana kept a purposeful distance from Cullen, and gave Leliana’s hand a squeeze before she left.

It got worse before it got better. After some amount of argument it was decided that Anders would be handcuffed and chained to one of the walls. Cassandra and Cullen would not budge in their insistence, and finally Adaar relented. Hawke glowered at her, but felt no real animosity. He was just tired, tired and unwilling to treat his love like a wild animal.

In the center of the room was a bowl of shining lyrium, and Surana knelt beside it.

“One of you will have to catch me,” she told the room. “Once I put my hand in, my body will collapse. This may take some time, but I will get a spirit’s help. I am not sure if my own spirit will wish to stray this close to the waking world. She is… willful,” Surana said with some small amount of amusement, “so I may have to elicit the help of another.”

Surana grimaced, plunged her hand into the bowl of lyrium, and fell to the side.

Multiple people lunged forward to catch her falling body, but Cullen got there first. He seemed to have moved on instinct, looking almost surprised as he held the limp elf in his arms. Surana looked strangely fragile in this state, her small stature more apparent.

Cullen kept holding on, but had the look of a man about to be burned. The rest of the room waited in silence.

Minutes passed, but it felt so much longer. Hawke just kept looking at Anders, sitting quietly and waiting for his entire world to be shaken. Hawke’s chest felt tight, his head light. This was it. It would happen soon. Surana would return with a spirit and… and Anders would return to him.

Surana stirred, opened her eyes, then took a sharp intake of breath as she scrambled away from Cullen like a scared cat. There was a wild look in her eyes, but one that faded quickly into anger.

“Was he really the only one who could have caught me?” She asked haughtily, but Hawke could tell it was a haughtiness meant to cover up another emotion. Genuine panic.

Surana shook herself out of it, took a steadying breath, and looked at Hawke.

“I… I found him,” she said. Hawke’s heart nearly stopped.

“Anders? In the fade?”

“No,” she said. Her eyes welled up with tears as she spoke. “Justice. He’s… he’s been keeping an eye on me, it seems.”

“Justice is alive?” Hawke asked, shocked. He had assumed the spirit had been burnt out somehow when Anders was made tranquil.

“He’s home again,” Surana continued. “And… he’s going to return Anders to us. He also wanted to say he was sorry to both of you.”

Hawke didn’t know how to feel. Justice, sorry? That was not an emotion he associated with the spirit.

“Just…” Hawke managed to say through the lump in his throat, “just… get on with it. Bring him back.”

Surana nodded solemnly and turned back to Anders. She knelt down in front of him.

“I’m sorry I failed you before,” she told him quietly, tearfully. “But I can help you now.”

Surana’s hand glowed with what Hawke now recognized as spirit magic, and she brought her hand to the brand on Anders’ head.

The light focused on her arm, wound around them both, and for a split second Hawke swore he saw a ghostly gauntlet joining Surana in her touch.

Anders shuddered, and Hawke saw the one moment of true life in his eyes before he let out an agonized scream.

Magic burst forth from Anders, knocking Hawke and everyone else in the room to the ground.

Hawke fought against the continuing onslaught and crawled forward, determined to reach the man he loved. But before he could, all magic in the room abruptly was cut off, another palpable force replacing it in the air.

Anders collapsed face first to the ground before Hawke could reach him. Hawke pulled Anders back up, seeing a trail of blood gushing from his nose. Hawke turned furious eyes on Cullen, the source of the divine smite.

Anders curled in on himself, clearly in pain.

“Anders, Anders,” Hawke muttered, patting his face and trying to gently turn his cheek to face him. He needed to see those eyes again, to see eyes full of life.

Anders yelped and shook free of his grasp, stumbling on his knees off balance and falling again to the floor. He looked up, saw Cullen, and screamed again.

“Shh Shh,” Hawke practically begged, hovering over Anders but not sure if he could touch. “It’s okay, love it’s okay…”

Anders was shaking violently, his breathing becoming ragged. Then he seized up, clearly trying to draw in air but failing. Hawke watched helplessly, felt tears of helplessness well up in his eyes.

“Love, it’s okay, it’s okay-“

Then Hawke felt another wave of magic wash over them both, and Anders went limp. His eyes fluttered shut, and he fell asleep.

Hawke was about to get angry again, but then noticed that once he was asleep, his breathing evened out. Hawke looked up to see Surana, having just cast the spell.

“He shouldn’t wake up with us looming over him,” she said in a somewhat rough voice. “The spell had to be powerful to work, it will probably last a few hours at least.”

The room was silent.

“If he hadn’t been handcuffed,” Surana told the room angrily as she approached with soft footsteps, “he wouldn’t have broken his damn nose.”

She knelt again, and waved her hand gently above Anders’ blood-covered face as she healed him.

“Fucking barbarians,” she muttered so low that only Hawke heard. He was inclined to agree. If they hadn’t woken him in a damn cell, he might not have been so afraid-

Hawke felt his heart seize. He had looked afraid. For the first time in a year, Hawke had seen emotion on his lover’s face. Abandoning all dignity, Hawke let out a sob and hid his face in his hands. It had worked.

It had worked. Anders was back. Afraid, hurt, but… but himself. Hawke kept crying, hearing the other talk around him but paying them no attention. He couldn’t get ahold of himself, emotions he hadn’t let himself feel in a year washing over him. It was one thing to hope, it was another thing to know there was a cure, but it was entirely something else to see the cure work.

When Hawke finally looked up, there was one fewer person in the room. Cullen, thank the Maker, had left.

“He still needs to be restrained,” Cassandra said with a frown.

“Why?” Hawke demanded, incredulous. “He’s fucking asleep-“

“He will wake again, and will likely react the same. We can get him a cot to lie on, we can unbind his hands, but he will stay chained to the wall.”

Hawke practically snarled, his eyes still red from crying.

“I can handle him when he wakes up. What he needs is some fucking compassion.”

Cassandra glared at him in response. “Cullen will also be on standby in case anything goes wrong. I wouldn’t want to waste the commander’s time, but we have no other inner circle members with Templar training.”

“Give me the keys,” Adaar told Cassandra. “I will release him as soon as it is clear he is not a danger, which should be soon. I can stay with Cullen, just call us when he wakes up.”

“I’m not letting Cullen anywhere near him,” Hawke said, standing tall. “He’s had enough Templars.”

“Please,” Adaar said, looking at Hawke with imploring eyes. Then she turned to Casandra and Cullen. “I will talk to them. You two head back up stairs, return to your work. The Warden Commander said you wouldn’t be needed for at least a few hours.”

Cullen retreated quickly, almost nervously. Cassandra stayed a moment, but eventually left.

Adaar let out a sigh. “I’m sorry about that.” She sounded genuinely sorry, but Hawke wasn’t inclined to be sympathetic.

“I meant what I said,” he warned her.

“I know. I will be waiting with Cullen the whole time and we will only intervene if we hear destruction. Please, Hawke. I’m not happy about the treatment of him either, but I need to keep some peace within my inner circle. And you can have the key. I trust you to know when Anders is stable.”

Hawke listened with suspicion, but was somewhat satisfied with her suggestion. He was well aware that they were in hostile territory, that it was a blessing to have Adaar on their side at all.

“Fine. But I’m not leaving his side, not for anything until he wakes up. I know I agreed to talk to your people about Corypheus, but that can wait until I know Anders is well.”

“Of course,” Adaar replied. “And Warden, I’m afraid they will want to talk with you as well. The Wardens have been displaying strange behavior as of late…and now that you’re here I’m afraid they insist on talking with you.”

Surana rolled her eyes, but nodded. “I know. I knew this would happen if I came out of hiding…”

“I will do whatever I can to make your stay here more comfortable,” Adaar insisted, “just know that there are a lot of tensions I must handle right now. Like I said before, I need to maintain some semblance of order. I will do my best to negotiate on your behalf.”

Against his better judgement, Hawke believed her. There was something painfully earnest in her eyes.

Adaar personally brought in a set of cots, which of course she carried herself. Damn Qunari.

Hawke lifted Anders onto the cot closest to the wall and Adaar unlocked the cuffs behind his back. Of course one cuff had to stay, but this was better.

Adaar left them then, and Hawke sat with his back against the wall and sighed. Surana also stayed, sitting a few feet away.

When Adaar’s footsteps faded, Surana burst into tears.

Hawke was taken aback, and asked what was wrong out of sheer habit. It really wasn’t his business.

“I’m sorry,” Surana gasped, “I just… I shouldn’t bother you with this, I should go to Leliana… but I don’t want to fucking look at him, and if I leave he’ll be there…”

Hawke could hazard a guess who this “him” was.

“Cullen,” Hawke said solemnly.

Surana nodded. “I… I hate that man,” she said in a low voice. “I hate that he’s here, I hate that he still makes me feel…”

“Afraid?” Hawke asked, remembering her reaction earlier.

“…yeah,” Surana said with a strained voice. “I know it’s unbecoming of me, and normally I can hold my own but when I woke up he was touching me, holding me like I was his to hold…”

“Did he-“ Hawke asked, alarmed. He knew Cullen was a monster, but surely-

“No,” said Surana. “He never touched me. Not like that. But… but he wanted to.”

“That’s not much better, Surana,” Hawke said. “If he tried to assault you, then-“

“It’s not like that either,” she said quickly. “I don’t think he would have done it… not without my consent. Back when I was an apprentice, I tried not to think about the mages who were the subject of a Templar’s… attention. I always told myself it would never be me, I was too annoying and loud and… well, it was all very silly. It’s not any of their faults they’re preyed upon.”

Surana was silent for a moment. Hawke waited for her to continue. Listening to her story was better than the silence, and it sounded like she needed desperately for someone to know.

“When I returned to Kinloch Hold during the fifth blight, I found out that the whole time, he had… lusted after me. The whole time a Templar had been fantasizing about me. The whole time, if Cullen had been a worse person…”

Her voice grew quiet. “… I could have been raped. He could have gotten away with it, if he wanted. I wasn’t so invincible after all, my delusion was shattered.”

Hawke’s dull heart still felt for Surana. He knew too well how much a Templar could get away with. He heard from Anders about how all mages knew deep down that they were at the Templars’ mercy in every way.

“So….” Surana continued after taking a deep breath. “It was just bad, waking up with him touching me. Knowing he had touched me when I was unconscious. And that on top of seeing Justice again, coming here… it’s all just a lot.”

“So you’re hiding out down here for a bit to collect yourself.”

“Yep. Very brave, I know.”

“It’s not shameful,” Hawke said seriously. “I used to hide away in my room when things got bad in Kirkwall. Everyone saw the Champion, but only Anders saw me. Sometimes you just need to hide in order to go on to fight. It’s all about pacing yourself.”

Surana nodded, wiping her eyes. “I’m glad Anders has you. We don’t know each other well, but I just poured my fucking heart out to you and you just… listened. You’re a good man.”

Hawke smiled, slightly. Just knowing his Anders was waiting for him made him begin to feel like himself again. He was dependable and a good listener, he was empathetic and kind to his friends. Maybe he didn’t know Surana, but she was a friend to Anders and she needed a friend right now.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Hawke ventured, “I think Cullen shit his trousers when he first saw you.”

Surana laughed. “Yeah. I just gotta remember, I’m no longer trapped with him, he’s trapped with me. I’m the fucking Warden Commander.”

It broke Hawke’s heart a little to see a mage need to remind themselves they had power. He knew too well what was going on in Surana’s head, as he had seen Anders battle those very demons. Fear and helplessness. The feeling that suddenly everything would be taken from you when you could do nothing about it.

“Damn right,” Hawke agreed. “When Anders is better, before you leave again you’ll have to tell me stories from Amaranthine. The embarrassing ones Anders won’t tell,” Hawke finished with a conspiratorial nod.

Surana grinned. “I’ll tell you one now. It starts with a cave expedition, and ends with a very unclothed Anders…”

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello, Charity!! Based on your latest posts about toxic relationships with best friends, I think I might be in need of your advice. You probably won’t remember me, but I sent you a submission months ago describing my best friend’s issue regarding her own relationship with her fiancé and how I couldn’t comprehend how did she put up with all of that instead of just… you know, quitting.

[...]  We hardly talk, because she has been really avoidant these past six or seven weeks (the famous 9 disappearing act) and when she suddenly starts texting me, two or three times a day, it’s to ignore my other “normal” texts and to complain ENDLESSLY about how MISERABLE and TIRED she is.

[...] it deeply pisses me off when somebody has an easily solvable problem and WON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. She is not in love with this guy, she won’t stop texting me how much she hates him for verbally mistreating her, how much she is tired from the chores she has to do all by herself because he won’t move a finger and for having to basically provide for him, because he is not working since the pandemic started, and how she wishes she had a different like, with a different person. I know, it’s a toxic relationship, and I have tried all I could to convince her that she should just break up, but she won’t....

I’m sorry that you (and she) are having to deal with this. It’s always sad to see someone deeply miserable who won’t do anything about it or save themselves.

It sounds like your friend has a strong 6 fix; I recognize the 6 and 9 pattern of “aggressive complaining but not wanting to fix the problem and feeling like they can’t fix it.” It ties into the 6′s sense of loyalty -- it’s why a 69/96 will stay in a bad relationship that gives them nothing in return (especially if they are a 269 tritype) out of a sense of super ego “loyalty” and duty but wind up endlessly complaining about it. It’s a combination of 9ish apathy (”better get used to this, it’s all you’ll get out of life”) and 6ish anxiety (”I don’t want to be alone...”) competing with their unhappiness. Both types are separated from their emotions -- so their heart says “I don’t like this, I don’t want it” but they are ignoring it because to do otherwise will upset everything (9) or talking themselves into giving it another chance (6).

I can speak from experience because... I struggle with this a lot. Reaching a point of unhappiness in a relationship that is unequal and wanting out of it, but not knowing how to do that without causing upheaval that would cause my 9 deep anxiety -- even the THOUGHT of a confrontation / break up / fight makes me anxious enough to just ‘tolerate it’ while complaining to family and friends about my unhappiness and lack of satisfaction. Over and over, I hear “just dump their ass,” but... that seems “mean,” and what if I am being too hard on them, and maybe we can work it out (9ish idealism)? So I have total sympathy for your friend in that regard -- it’s way easier to be the friend off to the side saying, “Look, this person treats you like trash, and I am sick of hearing you complain and do nothing... so get rid of them,” and to have to be the person who looks someone in the face and says, “We are done. Get out of my house.” Because that person is going to argue, scream, cry, beg, or become verbally abusive, and cause the person doing it deep anxiety. It’s like setting an emotional bomb off in your living room, and 9s want to avoid that at all costs.

Your friend has to learn that she has POWER. To say no. To get rid of people who do not make her happy and feel no guilt in walking away (that’s hard). To recognize she has to take control over her own life, because no one else will. That being alone is better than having a relationship that is not satisfying or equal, where both people pull the weight. But you can’t tell her this, she won’t listen. It must reach a crisis point where she’s finally sick of it enough to DO SOMETHING about it. It’s really hard to break through super ego defenses (”I should...”) and allow yourself, as a super ego or compliant type, to say, “You know what? ‘I don’t like this’ is a good enough reason to quit.” Because for superego types (you know this, as a 2, you are also one) it’s hard to just quit, without coming up with reasons why you should stay.

Regarding her ignoring your texts and just focusing on her own unhappiness -- as her friend, you have a choice. To put up with it or to quit. Only you can decide if you want to tolerate this indefinitely or not. Just like she has a choice in staying with her fiance even if she doesn’t want him, you have a choice in staying her friend even if she doesn’t make you happy. I suspect that right now, this is preoccupying her, because the wedding is so close, and she knows she is tying herself to someone she isn’t sure about, and she is over-reacting and maybe even blowing his faults out of proportion (projection, paranoia, accusation, and vilifying someone you are disappointed in for not being a saint is also something 6s do)... and this may calm down in a few weeks once they’re married. Or it may not. It depends on her. She may go back to being the fun friend you love, or she might become this way permanently due to her own unhappiness.

I’m sorry. I hope things get better for both of you.

[solschem]

Just thought of a case closed like au where Tommy is basically Conan (important to note that the characters real name is Jimmy, but when he becomes a kid he uses the name Conan)

In the anime some dudes try to kill Jimmy, but it ends up making him a kid and only his inventor/ mad scientist friend knows (I’ll be referring to him as Doc). Because I never have an original thought, Dream is obviously the guy trying to kill him during exile and thinks he’s dead. Everyone else just thinks he’s off in exile or ran away. Now for some situations and dynamics I think might be cool. Also all of these will be anime logic cause it’s based off an anime. It’s all ooc now suffer through my rambles

You know that library scene where Jimmy has to think of a new name? I am absolutely keeping that it’s an requirement. Tommy finds Techno’s house and Techno discovers him in the attic. Tommy ends up backed against the bookshelves and sees the Iliad and Odyssey, and so when asked for his name he says Homer. 

 If Techno doesn’t realize it’s Tommy it would be like Richard and Conan, but if Richard was actually competent. Tommy might try to lead techno towards his and l’manburgs enemies. Techno would definitely notice, but he cares about the kid and entertains the thoughts until he realizes that there might be a point

honestly i just want to see techno doing his usual stuff and Tommy ends up following along. Most of the time causing trouble for techno, but sometimes he thinks something kinda pog and joins in on whatever destruction techno is doing (i know this makes techno one of those anime villains that occasionally team up for the greater good, but like that’s the point. Case Closed is an anime with the biggest case of anime logic like it’s the only way. Our favorite pig has to be reduced to this I’m sorry not sorry) 

Also I know that a competent Richard just wouldn’t be Richard but shhhhh let me have this

If Techno does realize he’s Doc. Like that inventor dude is perfect. Just tosses Tommy some potions and golden apples. Mainly lets him do his own thing, but as they get closer helps out a little. Definitely gives Tommy maxed out netherite armor practically immediately. 

Honestly whether Techno knows or not he’s still like Doc, but I think if he doesn’t know then he’s going to be a little more like Richard. 

Dynamic with Phil could go in 3 main ways 

Phil instantly knows because he’s immortal and has seen everything. He does some research to figure out how to turn him back, but he’s not too bothered and is in no hurry. Just mainly laughs and makes fun of him, especially if Techno doesn’t know. (Once Tubbo and Ranboo adopt Michael he takes the opportunity to bother Tommy and runs with it. Just sends him off for a playdate or comparing the two when Tommy does something childish) 

Phil doesn’t know but has seen this before. He eventually finds out and laughs about it, but techno would probably already know. Very similar to the first one, but shock value. I think it would be really funny

Phil doesn’t know and didn’t think it was possible. Maximum shock value and maybe some emotive wings thing here. Techno most likely knows, but would also be funny if he didn’t. Just the child that’s been living in his home is actually one of the dudes that betrayed him. (I think it would go with if Phil was the one to find him in the attic when he said the fake name. Just techno already knows and is slightly freaking out and Tommy just giving the worst name ever. Phil would definitely know that something is up, but he trusts Techno.)

Butcher Army things

Just doesnt happen for plot reasons, which is valid but come think of the drama and angst

If they come before Tommy is there then honestly it’s just the same plot, but Techno is even more cautious of Tommy, especially if he does know he’s Tommy. But also imagine he comes home from nearly being killed, and a random child he’s never met is there. He knows that Homer isn’t his real name, but he’s too tired to care and he’s not so heartless as to leave a kid out to die. No deal or partnership is made, just Tommy being told not to steal anything and to make himself useful. Basically just treated like Edward and allowed to exist in the same space. 

If they come while Tommy is there we know that Tommy won’t just stay hidden. He might get spotted in a window, he might rush out, he might be outside when they come, or my personal favorite 

As they’re taking techno away he might grab a bunch of random potions and weapons and run after them. Would most likely be caught and used as a hostage, but I bet people would be a lot more uncomfortable with a kid as the hostage (might even make some people second guess about l’manburg). But what if he is successful, and Techno is saved by a little Tommy/Homer. But what if Techno sees a random kid he doesn’t know show up with his own potions and spare weapons and helps him escape. It would be the greatest thing ever with Techno’s ultimate equivalency thing. He owes this kid a favor, which could lead to techno being more active in finding out what happened to Tommy. 

The library scene still happens cause it’s a requirement, but it happens after everything with the butcher army. So this either smooths over the whole thing of him actually being Tommy, or Techno doesn’t press on being told an obviously fake name. Either way techno would let him stay, but imagine the hijinks if techno doesn’t know

imagine the angsty moment when techno realizes that ‘Homer’ knows more about what’s happening to Tommy than he’s letting on and Techno gets frustrated and yells at him about if he really wants to find Tommy and the truth comes out

True Case Closed fashion would have some complicated plan to withhold his identity but this is Tommy and Technoblade we’re talking about. Without massive outside help that wouldn’t be happening, and even then it would just make Techno even more suspicious 

Scenario for if techno doesn’t know: he notices how similar ‘Homer’ and Tommy act and wonders out loud how old Tommy is. While he knew that Tommy was young, he didn’t think that Wilbur would have child fight in multiple wars and be vice president. Cue Tommy being flabbergasted

I know that has fix-it fic vibes but they exist for a reason. Let me imagine conflict resolution in peace

Imagine all the complications on people trying to figure out how Techno knows ‘Homer’

Crackfic style: When Tommy is asked why his name is Homer he in a panic tells people that his father really liked Greek Mythology. With all of Techno’s mythology references and Tommy being around him a lot people think Techno is his dad. 

The confusion, the misunderstanding. Phil congratulating techno and confronting on not being told, Phil knowing and laughing at the ridiculousness. 

Makes the most sense with if Techno already knows, but if he doesn’t he would probably have a talk on how he’s flattered, but that he shouldn’t be a father and blah blah blah. Maybe a talk about being equals? idk this is already in crackfic area it doesn’t make sense

People think they’re brothers. Honestly a lot of different ways this could happen, but would still be funny. 

Nephew!!!!! Would honestly be less likely to be disputed by Techno, but he probably still wouldn’t be a huge fan of it. Might follow after the dad rumor as who else would be that into mythology than Techno’s family? 

Family friend’s kid. Probably the cover story and where they end up with, but leaves a lot of room for speculation. What family? Who would trust him with a child? Is he just trying to hide his true relation? I view dsmp as basically a soap opera and by god I will make it even more of one

Most likely: a combination of everything. everyone has a different idea and no one knows the truth. 

If Tubbo was the one to know he would be the tech guy, but not like Doc was. He would be fully involved in helping Tommy get back to normal

Phil might find out if Tubbo asks suspicious questions 

Tommy would get a front row seat to Tubbo and Ranboo getting married and he would be happy for them but would not stop complaining 

People might think Tubbo is grieving by helping out a kid that acts a lot like Tommy

When confronted on where the kid came from he might mention how he told Jschlatt that he was pregnant and how could everyone else forget? 

Honestly ghostbur might bring that up and they just roll with it

When Michael comes around will absolutely tell Tommy to go “play with his brother”. Would be kinda similar to Phil with teasing Tommy about that, but more exaggerated. People might find out due to the teasing 

Ranboo

insert the million ways he can find out due to techno or tubbo

He moves in after doomsday and figures it out by ‘Homer’s’ mannerisms 

Maybe he sees Tommy become a kid and comes to the conclusion that the only place safe is with Phil, which leads to Techno basically taking care of him 

Would be so awkward but imagine the begging and explaining. Doesn’t make sense in terms of the smp but anime logic 

Butcher army drama intensified as Tommy is captured. Would fight whoever tries to hurt Tommy. 

If we go with true case closed style Tommy would secretly pass supplies to Ranboo, who secretly passes them to Techno with some dramatic speech and a soccerball, but that doesn’t quite fit here. 

Might have Tommy stay at his L’manburg house and it all goes terribly. They eventually go to Techno’s together cause i like the plot line

In this case Tommy might find out about Ranboo unknowingly being involved with Dream

Would put Tommy in charge of watching over Michael when the syndicate comes to snowchester 

If Tommy shows up when he’s already moved in it would be extremely complicated to explain but I don’t think they’d mind all that much? Techno wouldn’t like him stealing his stuff, but it’s less aggravating when it’s a child who probably had to steal to live. And anyways they took in Ranboo, who is basically a kid in need, and so how can they get mad at Ranboo for doing the same? Techno and Phil would let them be with the occasional offer to bring food, or let them stay while Ranboo makes an actual house

Tommy is probably there when the disc is found and there’s a whole range of scenarios to do there take your place

During Techno and Ranboo’s adventure for sponges and totems Phil would offer to watch Tommy. 

Insert what happened with Rachel almost figuring it out, but Phil isn’t fooled. He responded to the name Tommy and the signs are there. He has a long talk with Ranboo and Tommy about what’s happening when he gets back

Ranboo would absolutely try to pull off complex plans to get people not to notice, but because it’s Ranboo they believe him or ignore it. Tubbo would definitely press a lot more than others, but I don’t think Ranboo would break. He has no moral backbone but this isn’t for him to tell. 

Insert Tommy in a panic tells the syndicate his dad liked Greek mythology and Techno makes the comment of him not knowing that Ranboo liked mythology too. Phil would make the joke too, not mattering if he knows or not

Michael  

Just thinks Tommy/Homer is fun to be around. 

They get into trouble together, especially if Ranboo and Tubbo don’t know he’s Tommy. 

If they do know he’s Tommy they’re pissed 

Craziness for who knows about Tommy and/or Michael 

Tommy and Techno are worried/and or suspicious about Ranboo so one day they follow and find out about Tubbo and Michael. The syndicate checking out snowchester is so much more comical as Techno pretends not to know. 

Circle of secrets as Phil, Ranboo, and Tommy knows about Tubbo and Michael. Only Techno and Tommy know that ‘Homer’ is Tommy. Tommy is the only one who knows everything and absolutely holds it over techno’s head. Everyone knows that something is up, but asking would mean reveling their secret as well

yes this is the most anime like scenario that’s why im bringing it up

Phil would be most likely to just casually drop Tommy off with Michael. Techno might if push comes to shove. Tubbo would do so momentarily. Ranboo wouldn’t want to, but might end up doing it the most because he’s worried about people hurting Michael. 

Now what makes this like Case Closed is the attempt to get Tommy back to normal

aka it barely exists

Conan becomes normal momentarily a few times but then gets back to being a kid. It just keeps on going. The show is still running. 

There’s this attempt to go after Dream but it never really works, Dream might never find out. He somehow ends up in the prison anyways and still nothing happens

It’s just frustrating and nothing ever really happens we’re just all suffering

[in-tua-deep]

Ok, but alternative Pokémon AU where all the siblings have a team of Pokémon? I see Diego having a bisharp and/or weevile because SHARP and maybe a noibat/noivern for vanya?

i am v tired but i will gently toss the Hargreeves As Gym Leaders at you bc it’s much easier than combing through pokemon and trying to mentally debate which pokemon would cut it on their team as Regular Trainers but if u want me to wax poetic about how Diego should totally have a wartortle yeet me another ask i can answer at my leisure lmao

feel free to add your own thoughts/ideas! while i have loved pokemon all my life i am by no means an expert uwu

Luther:

Gym leader: Luther is, of course, the fighting gym leader. He views strength as being essential to any pokemon team. He goes through a journey of self discovery where he has to unlearn all the toxic ideas that Reginald implanted regarding viewing pokemon solely as tools, but after that his bond with his team is very close and he ends up in a better place for it. His fighting style is very straightforward. He tends not to use many status moves and focuses on taking down his opponents hard and fast, which can make him a tricky opponent for beginning trainers. 

Gym team:

➤ Gallade: Gallade is a very important pokemon of Luther’s because it’s siblings with Allison’s Gardevoir from back in the day when they were very close and decided to hatch some Ralts eggs together. Luther and Gallade grew up together, and Gallade considers Luther a bit like an idiot kid brother. Before Luther’s journey of self discovery, Gallade often disobeyed and frustrated Luther. After, they repaired their relationship and are closer than ever.

➤ Primeape: Honestly this is just a pokemon reference to Luther being half ape so that’s a thing. Primeape is a passionate fighter and gets angry when Luther doesn’t use them in battle, so they’re often the first pokemon that Luther throws out in a match so he can avoid getting yelled at later.

➤ Passimian: I am very lucky as to have multiple monkey themed fighting pokemon so I can make this a joke reference again thank you ladies and gents I will be here all week. Luther’s Passimian is somewhat lazy in that it prefers not to battle when they don’t have to. Primeape and Passimian can’t be out together at the same time because they are mortal enemies.

➤ Machoke: every good fighting gym has to have one of the macho evolutions, sorry I don’t make the rules. Not a machamp because Luther doesn’t trade pokemon with other people because he’s a Lonely Loner. Machoke and Luther are lifting bros, Machoke is out of his pokeball a lot because of this and also likes to help out around the gym.

➤ Bewear: because Luther is a bigass dude and Bewear is a bigass dude and I feel like they could bond over this fact. Also Luther could probably endure Bewear hugs and I feel like he deserves hugs and affection every once in a while, bless.

➤ Pangoro: A gift pokemon from Klaus! Because Klaus is the most gift-y of the siblings let’s be real. Luther raised it from a baby Pancham after Klaus just left the egg in his gym with a jaunty wave and salute. Klaus insists on having ‘visitation rights’ that he uses as an excuse to ambush Luther in his gym for Forced Family Bonding Time after they all vow to try and do better.

Diego:

Gym leader: Diego would be the steel gym leader! Because of course, sharp and pointy is very important. That, and he insists that all his pokemon have to be as tough as him if they want to be on his team. On the inside though, Diego is squishy soft and loves his team so much. He tends to sneak them lots of treats and is a bit of a pushover when it comes to them begging. If you want Diego to do something, win his pokemon over first. His strategy is either more roundabout or as straightforward as Luther’s, depending on when you catch him and how recently his siblings have pissed him off.

Gym team:

➤ Bisharp: raised from a Pawniard, Diego took one look at its sharp little knife hands and immediately fell head over heels in love. Still insists that Bisharp is the “coolest pokemon ever” and 10/10 would murder anyone who insults steel pokemon. Bisharp is just as intense as Diego and has a soft spot for Klaus, who sneaks them extra treats.

➤ Scizor: Diego really saw a bug pokemon in a shiny steel coat of armor and went “that one. that is the one for me.” and it was that simple. Scizor and Bisharp are good friends but Scizor is the one with a sense of self preservation who tries to stop her idiot trainer from implementing his more stupid ideas.

➤ Aggron: Aggron was raised from an Aron and has yet to grasp that evolution equals a big size difference. They still think they are tiny and want very much to curl up on Diego’s lap. Diego, the softie, allows this even though is genuinely murders his legs.

➤ Lucario: Diego still insists that fighting pokemon are stupid but has quieted down on that front a lot since he got Lucario. He still insists that Lucario is mainly a steel pokemon shut up and refuses to use fighting moves, which Lucario grudgingly accepts (but rolls their eyes real hard over it)

➤ Doublade: why have ONE knife when you can have TWO? or well, sword that is. Ben gave Diego doublade for a birthday and Diego actually cried he was so happy about it. Doublade likes to be out of their pokeball and appear from nowhere, freaking people out. They also like pets very much which Diego is happy to supply.

➤ Durant: Durant is more of? A pest? Than an actual pokemon that Diego uses? Diego’s Durant is out of its pokeball a lot and it likes to wander the premises biting people’s ankles with its pincer-like jaws. Diego finds this hilarious and tells everyone that they need constant vigilance. No one else is amused by this.

Allison:

Gym leader: Allison is the psychic gym leader! A mantle she actually briefly retired from but has taken up again. She tends to be one of the trickiest gym leaders in terms of actually even getting to her and she has lots of puzzles and traps hidden within her gym. She plays to her strengths and has a lot of tricks up her sleeves when it comes to battling - however there are times when she’s out of sync with her pokemon and it shows. Change is slow to come to her, but she’s trying very hard.

Gym team:

➤ Gardevoir: Allison raised her Gardevoir from a Ralts with Luther, who has Gardevoir’s twin, Gallade, on his team. Gardevoir is a proud pokemon who dislikes battling weak pokemon, and is usually the last pokemon that Allison uses in a battle because of this. 

➤ Hatterene: Allison’s Hatterene hates everybody except maybe Allison, sometimes. When Allison is feeling emotional, Hatterene and her are very out of sync vs. when Allison is feeling calmer and more sure of herself. This discord only came about after the family decided to Actually Try and so Hatterene dislikes most of the other Hargreeves. Allison keeps them in their pokeball most of the time.

➤ Meowstic: Allison’s meowstic is very protective of her and is very competitive in battle. They hate to lose because they feel like they’re disappointing Allison in some way, even though Allison’s love does not depend on their winning ability. Somewhat insecure, Allison tends to sneak them berries on the down low.

➤ Espeon: Espeon would like very much to be seen as regal and graceful and untouchable and would totally pull it off if Allison didn’t scratch their chin in a way that makes them melt and then rub their belly for all the world to see.

➤ Galarian Rapidash: Absolutely has to have their mane brushed every day or they WILL die. Insists on Allison riding on their back everywhere and has memorized the route to every gym. Sometimes Allison will just hop on her rapidash’s back and let them take her wherever.

➤ Indeedee: A psychic/normal pokemon that Allison added to her team after mission FTFF (fix this fucking family) was a go. She got her indeedee to feel closer to Vanya and often has this pokemon out. She finds Indeedee soothing to talk to and a good listener.

Klaus:

Gym leader: While saying ghost would be easy pickings, Klaus is actually the dark gym leader. With his intense fear of ghosts (though surprisingly this does not apply to Ben) it shouldn’t be a shock that he surrounds himself with pokemon who can protect him from his fear. Klaus is tricky to face is battle purely because he’s so unpredictable - you never know what his next move will be or what strategy he will use. He does have a tendency to shirk responsibility and go wandering though, and many trainers need to hunt him down to claim their battle with him.

Gym team:

➤ Galarian Linoone: Klaus found a Galarian zigzagoon in a trash can once and since that day that have been inseparable. What was Klaus doing in a trash can you might ask? He changes the story every time, so no one can ever be sure of the truth. 

➤ Thievul: a pokemon that share’s Klaus’s magpie-esque nature in that it’s an absolute pick pocket. You genuinely have to log all your belongings before you enter Klaus’s gym so that you can be sure to leave with them. Has a longstanding rivalry with Liepard over who can steal the most shit without the trainer noticing.

➤ Liepard: an exceptionally sneaky pokemon that enjoys spooking people and stealing things. Very adept at the smash and grab as well. Liepard is more territorial than Thievul and takes more convincing to give up their hard earned loot, especially since Klaus is often laughing way too hard to be too insistent on giving it it back.

➤ Umbreon: A persnickety little shit, Klaus’s umbreon is fussy and dramatic and demands attention at All Times. Possibly related to Allison’s Espeon, though Espeon would never admit it. Umbreon often knocks things over for attention and has a loud cry that echoes and isn’t afraid to use it.

➤ Mightyena: The only level-headed one out of all of Klaus’s pokemon who is also an adult. Has absolutely given up on keeping anyone in line, especially Liepard and Thievul. Has been known to sit on Umbreon when they’re crying too loudly. Probably the most reliable and dependable of Klaus’s pokemon and knows it. The closest of Klaus’s pokemon with Ben - they share a certain sort of kinship over the levels of Klaus bullshit they deal with on a daily basis. 

➤ Pawniard: The child of Diego’s bisharp that was a gift from the pokemon itself due to its large soft spot for Klaus (partially due to Klaus’s reliability when it comes to treats, partly because Diego often even likes having Klaus over though he won’t admit it). Klaus dotes on the little Pawniard and often enthusiastically visits Diego’s gym with it so it can visit with its parent as well while Klaus coos over the cuteness in the background and Diego refuses to comment.

Five:

Gym leader: Five is the dragon gym leader! Dragon type pokemon are notorious for being slow to evolve, staying in their comparatively weaker unevolved forms for much longer than any other type. This vibes with Five being the ‘youngest’ of the seven and slowest to grow up. Five is a tough nut to crack and is very strategic in his battles, adapting to whatever his opponents do. People often complain he seems to be five steps ahead of them. He commands complete respect from his pokemon team, and even though he pretends he doesn’t have feelings he’s secretly as protective of them as they are of him.

Gym team:

➤ Dragapult/Dreepy: Five has a Dragapult which sounds fine and dandy except he also has a corresponding army of Dreepy that aren’t actually a part of his team that keep? Showing up? Five isn’t sure if they’re his Dragapult’s kids or if they’re just wild Dreepy or what but they sure do seem to like being shot like missiles so. That’s a thing. When there get to be too many Five rounds up some and dumps them on Ben’s doorstep.

➤ Dratini: Honestly Dratini was an accidental acquisition. They like to drape around Five’s shoulders (and they are large so this is not an easy thing to deal with) and have a mind of their own. They’re very protective of Five, which often leads to Five spitting curses at them because he can protect his damn self but Dratini never seems to care about this. Even though Five always threatens to get rid of them, he’d never actually go through with it.

➤ Zweilous: The two heads constantly bicker unless Five scolds them over it, in which case they tend to act like abashed children. They have a tendency to follow Five around like very large ducklings. Klaus comes over occasionally to gently coo over them while Five bristles and yells at his brother to get out, or to at least use the door.

➤ Flapple: Flapple has a one-sided rivalry with Dratini which Dratini is completely unaware of over Five’s attention and, primarily, his neck. Dratini is really too big to be trying to drape across Five’s shoulder, and Flapple would very much like that real estate thanks. It’s an ongoing battle. 

➤ Fraxure: Five’s Fracture is a somewhat nervous pokemon who likes to hide behind Five a lot. Five raised them from an Axew after they had to be removed from their nest because their playmates were too rough with them. Five is surprisingly good with them, and Fraxure is absolutely loyal to him.

➤ Noivern: Five’s noivern is an absolute asshole who loves Five. Klaus says that it’s one asshole recognizing another, superior asshole. He likes to swoop down and land on Five’s back, bowling him over, and then preens his trainer’s hair lovingly. He’s also inexplicably fond of Vanya and does happy dances whenever she comes around. He attacks pretty much everyone else though, which Five has done nothing to discourage.

Ben:

Gym leader: Growing up, Ben wanted to be the water gym leader but after an unfortunate incident involving the loss of his pokemon at the hands of Reginald, Ben became the ghost gym leader instead. Ben is notoriously tricky to get a hold of and if almost never actually found at his gym, making any trainer who wants to face him have to hunt him down. The first place they check should be Klaus’s gym, which Ben often seems to haunt (ha). He doesn’t particularly like battling and frustrates people by using a lot of moves that ‘protect’ his team, which draws battles out for a long time.

Gym team:

➤ Mimikyu: Ben’s Mimikyu has been with him for a long long time. It’s rumored that Ben has seen what is under Mimikyu’s cloak/costume, though Ben himself has never confirmed nor denied this fact. Ben’s biggest hobby is lovingly making Mimikyu a variety of different costumes. (Klaus has knitted it several hats, which it also appreciates).

➤ Drakloak/Dreepy: Every time too many Dreepy gather in Five’s gym, he drops some off with Ben. Ben’s Drakloak is very enthusiastic about this and dotes on all the little Dreepies running around underfoot. Ben isn’t sure whether to scream or just accept his life. He offers a free Dreepy with every gym badge won just to try and get some of them out of his gym.

➤ Phantump: Ben doesn’t really battle with Phantump, he just carries them around all day in his arms while they nap. They’re a curious little thing and have a habit of getting into places they really shouldn’t be when Ben isn’t keeping an eye on them.

➤ Polteageist: Sinistea’s come into being when a spirit possesses a cold leftover cup of tea. Klaus has a habit of interrupting Ben and dragging him on adventures. Ben is running out of tea cups in his house they are all getting possessed. And also he has a polteageist as well. Which is fine. Everything is fine. 

➤ Gengar: Gengar is a pokemon who is continuously trying to scare Ben and fails miserably because Ben is just that unflappable. He accepted his fate long ago, and if he can suffer through Klaus he can suffer through everything. Gengar is determined to frighten Ben though, and won’t quit trying. 

➤ Chandelure: Chandelure likes to follow Ben around and provide lighting. They have a tendency to just hang themself up in whatever room Ben happens to be occupying and Ben always thanks then because he’s polite like that. Chandelure thrives on their trainer’s thanks, so this works out well for them.

Vanya:

Gym leader: Even though Vanya being the ice or poison leader would be sick, she’s probably the normal gym leader. There are lots of parallels between Vanya having a ‘normal’ team vs. her being considered as ordinary and I feel like it would be cool to see Vanya succeed with ‘ordinary’ pokemon. Plus lets be real normal pokemon can be very versatile with what moves they can learn so Vanya is actually a very strong trainer with very diverse pokemon who can take on anyone who wishes to challenge her. 

Gym team: 

➤ Exploud: raised from a tiny little unassuming Whismur, Exploud is the powerhouse of Vanya’s team. Why are you putting in ear plugs Vanya, you ask? Yeah it’s because she’s about to send in Exploud. Otherwise though they’re frequently out of the pokeball and follow Vanya around. They’re very very loyal. 

➤ Eevee: As a pokemon with possibly the most adaptable DNA, eevee is representative of Vanya’s potential. Eevee refuses to evolve and is happy as an eevee, and Vanya does nothing to discourage this mindset. Her eevee is a stubborn little thing who likes getting their way, and it shows.

➤ Furret: Furret is - enthusiastic is a good word for it. Friendly to the point of concern is another way to put it. For whatever reason it loves Five? Privately Vanya thinks it’s because Five is all skin and bones and childish lankiness that Furret seems to have mistaken for its own child since it likes to curl around him so much though. Vanya is secretly an asshole who likes to see Five sputter and snarl though so it all works out perfectly.

➤ Audino: Audino is Vanya’s chillest pokemon. They just like to hang out and don’t mind any of the others. Like a capybara, no one really bothers Audino and in fact are usually on their best behavior when Audino is around. Unfortunately, Audino dislikes being out of their pokeball for long lengths of time and needs to recharge before seeing more people.

➤ Persian: A proud pokemon, Persian is the most fickle of Vanya’s pokemon. They love to battle and they love to win. Vanya’s relationship with Persian was somewhat fraught back when she was more of a wallflower, but Persian has come to grudgingly respect Vanya and listens to her unfailingly.

➤ Girafarig: Vanya got this pokemon after the family decided to actually make an effort, and so Vanya got a normal/psychic pokemon and Allison got a psychic/normal pokem to represent their new determination to put actual work and effort into their bond. Girafarig is very playful and gets along well with almost everybody.

[anyu-blue]

You know...

I'm not looking for someone to deal with me.. I'm not look for someone to fix all my problems either. That is not what I want or what I demanded of my previous relationship...

I'm a lot to handle and I do not expect anyone to do it for me or without wanting to in the ways they do. And I'm okay with people changing their minds.

I do know that I'm looking for pieces of me in other people though... You know.. things like being willing to motivate and cheer others on... Things like not expecting anything in return for love, but occasionally needing it (as is human) and getting some when asked (Because I know, personally I'm an idiot and can miss cues, but I'm more than happy to provide if I'm told where I'm falling short on needs- and I know I struggle sometimes too, but will always own up to it and let anyone be unhappy or angry with me as needed-- I've especially gotten better at that in recent years).

I'm also not look for someone to hold me and tell me 'oh poor baby, you got your feelings hurt and you have no responsibility for that' when I'm cussed out and brought to tears at work like I have been today.... No. While sometimes stuff like that is nice... I'm looking for someone to be understanding and willing to look at the whole picture with me. Just look. And if they want to gently/kindly tell me I did fine or I fucked up... Well that's icing on the cake.

I'm more than willing to do that for people. I do it for my sisters and my brother all the time... I do it for my friends when they're freaking out over something. I listen first (as best I can) and then talk with them about it. Usually they leave the conversation feeling better or totally pissed.. and if they leave totally pissed there's rarely been a case where they haven't come back when they were calm to tell me thank you and/or to apologise... Because they realized I did mean all my words in kindness and though it's not what they wanted, it's what they needed... That happens a LOT. And I'm always here and okay they they want to walk away or say awful things- whether they mean them or not. It's okay...

I do the same thing. I know I do. Especially when I'm not paying attention... I get upset and over the top... And yeah I come crawling back with remorse and apology... And sometimes it's not enough for them and I understand. They get to walk away.

And I appreciate all my friends and family who do do these things when they can... ...

But idk man... I'm tired... I love helping people lift their burdens and help them on their way...

I just feel that a lot of the time... I'm alone with mine unless I scramble and scrape and work up the nerve to bug people....and I don't want that. I know I'm a handful... And that's why it's so easy for me to fall into traps like the one my Ex snared me with... Many of my exes actually (Though thankfully not all- I'm so grateful to still have one that's an amazing friend whenever she can be)....

It's hard to stand up and ask for these things... And when I do I've learned my lesson that if no reply is given and no effort is made following... To walk away.

But yeah... I still look... Because like many people I don't want to keep doing this on my own. It's hard. I want someone there to be able to help when I can't speak up... At least sometimes.

I can keep doing this on my own (with the support I DO have from friends and family) and I know that.. and that may end up as my fate... But I hope for more... To have someone be to me what I try to be to them. Working together, always. Through thick and thin. Not giving up. Being flexible. Being willing to push as well as pull- and not just I'm the ways comfortable and used to (again ex. He was willing to buy the world for me, which I didn't want... But unwilling to remind or motivate me to do a chore here and there, which I begged for because he wanted me to do that for him!)... Equal give and take... To work just as hard and care just as much...

Okay, maybe not just as much because I can definitely go overboard 😅 ... But.. enough, you know? I don't need that much. I try not to demand much either (Though some things we demand by default XP oops)...

But idk... I'm sad. I'm cold. My eyes still burn from me crying about comments made by someone random who DEFINITELY isn't worth my time today. I won't stoop to her level and call her names.. I just wish people weren't like that. And I've still got 4 hours of work left... And not much to look forward to going home to. I'll feel better once everything is cleaned, I know... But knowing it's waiting for me is... Exhausting.

Keep going. Keep going.

😂 the worst part is... If I desperately wanted everything I mentioned above so bad.. I'd have someone in a heartbeat. Problem is I'm not attracted to him. I don't like the way he treats me when I tell him I physically can't do something at the moment. I really don't like how he's treated me since telling him no ('has to distance' himself because I 'won't give him a chance' - reminds me of those 'nice guy' themes). I don't like how he treats his health. And I don't like how he treats his friends overall... I understand some things can be very upsetting, but if you flip out EVERY time Something inconvenient happens AND you're not interested in getting help or changing that yourself, well... No thank you. You do you, I won't judge you for it... But I don't want that as a partner. And if that makes me too picky... Well then I deserve to keep going it alone.

I will put up with a lot... As I appreciate most everyone who puts up with me... But we all have our lines too.

No one has to change for me... I am changing me and have been actively trying for a while now- there have been rough spots where it's been harder and stuff has ground nearly to halts... But I always have cared and tried even when struggling my hardest... Been quite a few close calls too... But if I don't judge people for it and try to understand and do my best and keep them going as much as myself... Why can't there be someone like that for me too?

There may be only one me... But in a world of billions... I'm not the only one and I know I'm not alone...

Maybe I'll get lucky... Maybe I won't or I'm already very lucky and don't 100% see it...

But well... Wishing for a little more... Trying for a little more especially... I hope it doesn't hurt...

[linkspooky]

Who are your top five BSD characters?

I love to talk about  how much I love my faves. If you ever ask want to ask me who my faves are for a series feel free to send me an ask.

1. Human Failure - Dazai Osamu

I like that he’s a bad person. I know I say this a lot, but I really do think stories are at their best when they allow characters to be bad people.. The narration itself never tries to make excuses for who Dazai is, or gloss over what he’s done in the name of making him look good. It just allows him to exist as is. Dazai is a total failure of a human being, but at the same time he’s more human than any of us. 

You get the sense that Dazai is an overgrown kid who just, never learned to deal with any of the things that adults learn to deal with as a result of growing up as a person. He views himself as this non-human thing and at first when he’s much younger means he thinks he can do whatever he want. 

There’s a lot of works in ficiton that attempt to correct the misery in “No Longer Human” Osamu Dazai’s final work, which to me is really a disrespectful response to the work itself. Like, Dazai wasn’t trying to comment on society, and he didn’t think he was more right than anybody else or saw through the lies of society. Dazai wasn’t trying to be miserable on purpose or like, meditate on human nature. 

I am writing a tired story for young readers,

not because I want to be different,

or because I am unconcerned with young readers’ tastes.

I write it rather because I know it will please them.

Young readers are tired and old themselves these days,

and my story can bring them no discomfort and no surprises.

It is a story for those who have lost hope.

No Longer Human is just this deeply honest and brutal work of his that stands on his own. People feel the need to make miserable things happy and correct them, but sometimes things are beautiful because they are miserable. Dazai himself as a character is like one of the only responses to No Longer Human that I’ve ever been able to digest, because it’s not trying to correct anything. 

Dazai is a bad person, but he’s still undeniably human he’s not something lesser or greater than human, and in his own way he is trying to live too. A lot of people forget the humanity of the work. 

2. Old Sport - F Scott Fitzgerald

He shares the name with the author, but Fitzgerald is so obivously based off the main character of the author’s most famous work, the Great Gatsby. Gatsby is at the same time, a scathing critique of the false dreams we spend our entire lives working towards, but at the same time instead of condemning us for dreaming in the first place like a lot of critiques do, it instead reaffirms that humans wants to dream, that they live because they want to strive for something and that there’s still worth in that even if it ends up entirely in failure. 

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther… . And then one fine morning—So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Gatsby sailed against the current, and it ended with him drowning and yet his efforts in life were not worthless. The book portrays that kind of complexity, that there are two sides to everything. 

“You can’t repeat the past.”“Why of course you can!”

And as a character Fitz embodies that complexity just as well. His goals are good, what else but family can you burn everything for? Yet at the same time, you see he goes the extra mile in trying to destroy everything around him for the sake of his goals. Just like Gatsby, his goals are inherently one impossible to achieve and two, self destructive. Yet, there’s something brilliant in watching how this man will not give up and will continually break himself against the currents trying to reach just a little bit farther.

3. Ugly Girl - Lucy Maud Montgomery

Lucy is a character I like because she’s the introduction of how victims can be more grotesque and violent. They are not always people who beg to be saved the way Atsushi and Kyouka do. As the story advances, it becomes deeper and deeper in complexity especially when it comes to the issue of saving the orphans, and being on the side of helping people. It’s not always so noble a thing as Atsushi makes it seem to be, it is sometimes messy and even harmful.

What I likea bout Lucy is that nothing about her is straightforward. Trauma has made it possible that she cannot be straightforward or forthcoming with her own emotions in any way. Not only that but you can still see just like Atsushi the effects of being raised as an unwanted child in an orphanage have not worn off. She gets mad when Atsushi ignores her, because she feels at any moment he might abandon her. Her assumption is that people will not care, that they will fail her and Atsushi has to work against these assumptions. 

Ultimately what I like is that Lucy does not get saved, but rather starts to save herself. The reason that she’s on this list instead of characters I like for the same reasons is that she’s started to show the growth that Akutagawa really has the potential to show and I myself cannot wait until he hits. She’s started to grow for the sake of one boy who inspired her and related to her, and in the end it’s more like she was the one who saved Atsushi which led to one of the most beautiful moments in the second arc of the manga. 

4. A Monster Without a Heart - Nikolai Goggol

Goggol is one of my favorite characters despite being only around for a few chapters at most. The ideas behind his character are so interesting and thematically rich. He’s a character who decides to live and die entirely based around the concept of freedom.

Due to that fact he’s far more insightful and clever than most of the characters in the manga. He’s the only person who can be on equal terms with Dostoevsky, rather than just being either a total sycophant, or someone mind controlled like the rest of his compatriots. That’s because Goggol as terrible as he is completely owns who he is as a person. 

His lines are some of the best in the series. The moment where he takes off his mask and reveals to Atsushi he’s not the villain of the story, but a human being completely aware of the harm he’s causing others just completely smashes Atsushi’s simple black and white values of good and evil he has been fighting with so far. It reminds the audience once more that this is a story about human beings. 

5. Just a Normal Person- Edogawa Ranpo

Ranpo is here for two reasons. One my love of detective novels, and Ranpo exists as a tribute to those same novels so every plot he is involved in reads as a love letter to my favorite genre. The second is that Ranpo himself is so interesting a person, because he’s so clearly coded as someone neurodivergent and not able to fit in with a lot of society.

Yet, he’s the only case of such a character where I’ve seen them so humanized. Nobody ever treats Ranpo’s quirks as a burden, or pities him for them. It’s even right in Ranpo’s backstory that he was constantly targetted and taken advantage of because he was only specifically really smart at one thing and couldn’t fit into society otherwise, and the detective agency was made to give him a place to fit in. 

Ranpo is valued for who he is. Because of that he’s able to be completely self confident and know his worth. His cocky attitude comes from the fact that he’s somewhere where he’s accepted by others. Not only that but Ranpo is also the person who helps accept other people into the detective agency, as shown in the empathy he showed Yosano. Rampo’s on my faves not because he’s treated like an eccentric super genius, but how much the story empathizes that underneath his layers he really is just a normal person the same as everybody else.

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the manga and it shows why I love humanizing work and human misery above all else. 

Your ability doesn’t matter. That sorrow has value. 

[holy-hyuck]

Stray Kids Reaction: You’re the 8th Member of BTS

Woojin:

Woojin frowned seeing you refuse food for the third day in a row. You said you weren’t hungry, that you couldn’t eat right before practice or that you just ate, but Woojin wasn’t an idiot, and was slightly offended that you thought you could get away with these lies without him realising. He’s been as honest with you as he could when he dieted (if he even did), and the fact that you didn’t tell him made him mad, but the fact that your manager nor your members stopped you from doing it enraged him even more.

“You have to eat, even if others are making you feel like you shouldn’t. I don’t care that Jimin or any of your members are dieting as well - you know how I feel about you starving yourself before a comeback. And why are the others allowing this anyway? Let me talk to them but now, just eat. You’ll be okay.”

Bang Chan:

Chan felt himself crumble under the pressure you were under, the exhaustion so strong that it radiated off of you and affected him. If staying up at night and composing wore him out, he couldn’t imagine the toll that touring, constant promotions and being in the spotlight had on you. He came to see you so many times, tired eyes staring back at him every time, and sometimes, he barely recognised you. But he knew he could trust your members to take care of you, and he told them that many times.

“Thank you for taking care of (y/n) when I’m not around. I know you’re the leader, and I know what it’s like to be one, but your members, especially (y/n), really appreciate it, and they feel safer with you. Just keep on taking care of them.”

Lee Know / Minho:

Both of you met through BTS, obviously. It was unexpected; he was just a backup dancer, and you didn’t specialise in dance the way J-Hope and Jimin did, even though you were a part of the dance line, so the two of you didn’t meet that much. After practice one day, he offered to help you with a dance for a special stage, and you grew closer ever since. And still, even then, you both knew you could only ever be friends, and in the misery you felt having that knowledge, the songs you wrote were dedicated to your love for Minho that could never be. That is, of course, until you confided in Suga, who was like an older brother to you, and he promised to keep it a secret between all of the members, and then told you to tell Minho how you really felt. When Minho found out what your members had done, he thanked them endlessly.

“I’ll never be able to thank you enough. I’ll treat them right, I promise; I’ll make them the happiest they’ve ever been. You have my word.”

Changbin:

Changbin felt the pressure of dating a member from one of the most popular k-pop groups every day, to say the least. He tried so hard to treat you as “just another person”, the way you told him to when you two met for the first time, but even as you got closer and began dating, it was difficult. Your name was everywhere, it seemed. Sometimes, he felt like he wasn’t good enough to be dating someone as amazing as you, and it wore him out. You needed to remind him that you fell in love with Seo Changbin, the man with big dreams, skyrocketing passion and a smile worth gold, not the main rapper of Stray Kids, and that he fell for your kindness and equal passion for music, not your income or the name he saw on the billboards.

“You truly are the most perfect human being there is, (y/n). A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of how lucky I am to be dating you, and I hope we can be this happy forever.”

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin begged you to dance with him to your choreographies or bring him to your dance practices. Whilst you couldn’t usually do the latter, you two often practised to some older songs after the other boys went to their dorms. Occasionally, some members of the dance line joined you, making Hyunjin too nervous to be able to dance properly, and he ended up tripping up or embarrassing himself one way or another. The others found him cute, though, so it didn’t bother them at all. You danced to anything from “Go Go” to “Fire”, and when you were alone, he would sometimes get too cocky and dance to “Blood Sweat and Tears” before rolling into a ball of embarrassed giggles. He sometimes asked for advice, admiring you the way a dancer would admire another dancer, and not because the two of you were together.

“Am I doing this right? Like this? Listen, I didn’t get six-plus years of practice unlike you, so be a nice girl/boyfriend and teach me something. Please?”

Han / Jisung:

Jisung was in complete awe of everything that you’ve accomplished. BTS debuted in 2013, at a time when Jisung only dreamt of being an idol, and to think that you have already gone through so much and had so many successes by the time that Stray Kids came to be amazed him. You became his idol, especially in moments when you spent nights on a song you wanted to dedicate to fans, when he could see the bond you had with your members, or when you worked on the choreographies with J-Hope. Every time he saw you on TV he was proud to call you his, and every smile you had because of your love for your job, after every win and speech you had, was enough to bring tears to his eyes, feeling pride swelling up in his chest.

“You did that! (Y/n), that was you and no one else. My (y/n)!”

Felix:

Felix was most nervous about meeting your members. You’ve told him loads about them, and he knew that you felt about them as strongly as he felt about Chan, and that terrified him all the more, because if they didn’t think he was right for you, they could change your mind about dating him, and the last thing he wanted was to break up. Before your first meeting, he was sweating profusely, telling you that he forgot how to speak Korean all of a sudden. But, of course, he was perfect, even though he switched from Korean to English a few times, and his hands were clammy, and he swore in front of Suga (who just laughed) once, because he was himself, and you knew that no amount of hate or disapproval from your members could make you leave him.

“Phew, that was really something. Were you this nervous meeting the rest of Stray Kids? That was horrible, I’m never doing it again. But on a more serious note, thank you for standing by my side the whole time and reassuring me. You’re such a heaven-sent.”

Seungmin:

You were Seungmin’s favourite vocalist, whether you thought you could sing or not. He always asked for duets, and once he has grown comfortable around Jungkook, he would casually ditch you to sing duets with him. You’d stand there, shocked, as they both laughed at your expression, and then you’d retaliate by dancing with Minho and Hyunjin instead of Seungmin because “they’re part of the dance line, not you”. He teased you from time to time, but Seungmin was your number one fan; everything you did was supported by him, and anything you did, he was by your side.

“If all else fails, at least we still have each other.”

I.N / Jeongin:

Jeongin admired you, from your hard work to knowing how long you have been in the industry, and therefore how much experience you had. That’s why he often asked for advice, and he took to heart everything you had to say, from tips on his technique to how to capture people’s attention when on stage (not that he had many problems with that to begin with). When he felt stressed out or self-conscious about his abilities, your encouraging and frank words were there to shine some light on the situation. He trusted you completely to tell him your honest opinion, and appreciated that you never tried to sugar-coat anything for his sake.

“One day you’ll be so proud of me, baby. I’ll hit that high note and I’ll go through a whole song without getting out of breath. I’ll make you so proud, you’ll see, like how I feel when I watch you perform.”

[notaboringmess]

I’m not asking you to stay

When Lily was almost 11 years old, her parents had an awful fight.

She remembers the screams that made her wake up, startled, and her mother loud cry. Her father screamed that he was leaving the house to “think”. She was hiding in the bedroom, afraid, but when her father said that he was leaving, she started running to where they were and begged and begged for him to stay. Her father looked at her and didn’t say a word. He just stood there. Her mother, tears still in her eyes, asked Lily to go back to her room, saying it would all be all right. It seemed like a lie, even then, even for a child.

You see, for young Lily love was supposed to be a fairytale and in those she had never seen or read about explosive fights, it was all romance and embraces and destiny. She believes it was in that night that she stopped believing in a love like that.

Because she remembers feeling heartbroken as she heard her own father speaking so many horrible things to her mother. The days passed and she didn’t heard any apologies, but she could see the sadness in her mother’s eyes and the way she looked down when her father was around. She doea not, however, remember when her mother started to look normal again. She just remembers the pain. As clear as day.

Not long after that, she went to Hogwarts, but that fight and the fragile look on her mother’s face would stay with her. At the time, Tuney said she didn’t want to talk about it and laughed when Lily asked if their parents were not in love with each other anymore. “You are just too young to understand”, she said. Sev just said that she was lucky if that fight was all there was, all she witnessed.

That night passes through Lily’s mind as she is currently screaming at her boyfriend, claiming he has no idea what she is going through and hearing that if it is so it is because she seems to want it that way. “You keep isolating yourself from everyone”, he claims and she hates to hear it, hates to think that he may be right and so she defends herself, tries to stop the conversation.

“How classic Potter, how very narcissistic of you to think you are everyone. The problem is only with you it seems.”

She regrets the words as soon as she says it, but they are already out. She sees hurt in James eyes and she hates herself. She could beg him to stay, like she did with her father, apologize and try to fix this. But the dark circles under her mother’s eyes in the days after the fight and the way she seemed to look down when her father entered the room are stronger. She realizes now that at the time she thought her mother looked weak. Come to think of it, she never heard her mother defending herself. And Lily was not defenseless, she needed, especially now, to be strong and brave. A true Gryffindor, she muses to herself with sarcasm.

“Maybe you should just go” is what she says instead.

“Do you want me to?”

James is very keen on asking Lily a lot of things. Especially when they were trying to be friends, it was like he wanted to know all there was to Lily. Which, frankly, was scary, because there was not a lot to know about her. She was boring. He would see right through her facade and would eventually get bored. But here they are. In a relationship, at least for the time being. At least before he threaten to leave. And she lets him. But what does she want? Lily wants a lot of things. She wants to not live in a world where she is treated differently because of the family she was born into. She wants to not have to fight in a war about her right to live, to be seen as an equal. She wants to stop running. She wants love. A home. To not have a best friend who went to be a part of a group of people who are against everything she believes. She wants to leave Hogwarts and try to be an adult. And she wants James. With her. Every step of the way. But.

“It is not about what I want. You started this fight, go on and leave like I’m sure you want to and stop trying to make me say it.”

James lets a sad laugh.

“How classic Lily, thinking people want to leave you.”

Lily is so very tired and all she wants to do is sit in her bed and vent about this nonsensical fight and how she can say very mean things without really mean it, but she did not start this fight and she is not to blame and he wants to leave, he will do so, but not because she asks that of him and she wants to complain about that. She will not carry this blame – at least is what she tells herself, but the voice in her head is already telling is her fault. It is always her fault.

It also haunt her that the person she imagines listening to her rants is the very person to whom she is fighting with.

“I’m tired James. If you are going to leave me just do it.”

“Wait what?”

Lily says nothing. She probably feels how her mother felt. James gets closer to her.

“Lily, I’m not leaving you. I can leave so that we can calm ourselves, but not leave you. I never want to leave you. Not unless you want me to.”

Again with what she wants. Her bed is not in sight so she contents herself with just sitting in the floor.

“You should not feel obligated to stay.”

James sits besides her, but very slowly like he is wanting to see if she will stop him.

He rubs his eyes. He is tired too she realizes. Then he looks at her and she has tears in her eyes. But it is not like it was with her parents. He is not screaming. She is not silently listening as he screams. It is not the same.

“Lily, I love you. I just don’t always agree with you specially if you are insisting that you have to put yourself in harm’s way and that it is your fight and not mine and well, I believe we will never be in agreement about Snape.”

“Well I don’t always agree with you either. Especially when you sound like a privileged brat.”

“We need to talk about this.”

“Yes.”

James really is tired, she can sees it. She is good at reading people and she is very talented at reading the people she loves. And it is late after all.

“Lily?”

Lily just looks at him.

“Can we just.. sleep? And talk about it in the morning?”

“Why?”

“Because... maybe we will think clearly in the morning? It seems we are not resolving this tonight”

At the word “resolve” she recoils. Resolve sound like an end.

“If you want to break up you should just do it now.”

James looks hurt again which makes her feel bad and it is a very vicious cycle of bad feelings.

“Lily, I just told you I’m not leaving you. We had a fight. People fight. Do you want to break up over this fight?”

“No, but, I don’t know. It was a bad fight.”

“It was. Apparently I was a brat.”

“You were.”

“And you keep trying to accuse me of trying to leave in order to stop the discussion. Also you are mean when you fight.”

“I’m horrible at this, at being a couple.”

“Well, I would argue that you are a brilliant girlfriend, but we are in the middle of a fight.”

“I do love you though.”

“Even if I am a privileged brat?”

She rolls her eyes and feels a small comfort in the familiarity of the act.

“So we agree: we are in love, no one is leaving and this is an important matter we need to address.”

“I believe so.”

“Good”

“Brilliant.”

Neither move.

Lily starts breathing more unevenly.

“The sad part is that I just want to lie and rant about my day, but I want to do it with you.”

James grabs her hand.

“We will be alright, you and I. I promise and I keep my promises, and you know how I brag about keeping my promises. You normally make fun of me for the bragging.”

Lily gives him a small smile, which is all the confirmation he seems to need.

“And you can rant all you want. To me, about me. We are also friends, even though I am very attracted to you and mostly I’m a rubbishy friend to you because I keep trying to kiss you.”

Lily loves him so for just being him and trying to change the mood with his awful flirting, but mostly Lily feels bad about herself. And she knows that she is not wrong in this fight: James will never fully understand what she is going through because he is not a muggleborn. He is being a privileged brat. Yes, he can fight. But they want to kill her. They are against her. He is just a supporter. He can quit it, but she cannot, because it is who she is that they are against off. And she will be in harm’s way whether she wants to or not.

“I’m aloud to be angry about this and I’m not gonna explain calmly to you the reasons why. I’m not sorry about that.”

“Well, I am sorry. I just get... well I guess nervous when I think about you in danger and I need to just accept that this will be our reality. And of course I know rationally you are capable of defending yourself. But this is my fight too, even if in a different way.”

She nods.

For now she will accept this. She just has to learn to accept that he is not looking for a way to leave her and that he feeling worried is not him believing she is inferior somehow. It is a process. So, she takes him on his offer.

“So today I had another fight with Severus, than with my boyfriend, who I love, but I was rightfully angry at, but maybe I was a little mean and now I feel like a horrible person. And anxious. Like always.

James kisses the top of her head.

“You are not a horrible person, you just had a tough day.”

“Thank you.”

“And about the anxiety?”

She rests her head on his shoulders.

“Can I tell you about a fight my parents had?”

“Of course love.”

Lily talks. James hears all about it. Then they talk and James tells how his parent’s fights always ended with a dramatic move by his mother and that in the next day they would always apologize to each other and life would go on.

After that, they just go to sleep.

Before saying goodnight Lily says:

“Tomorrow we will finish our fight and then we will move on with our lives.”

James kisses her goodnight.

The next day they do talk. James understands Lily’s view. Lily accepts, for the moment, that he is not leaving. She apologizes for screaming. He accepts the apologies and kisses her. Their friends don’t even realize they had a fight.

They go on with their lives. Together. Even if sometimes that means fighting, but no one ever threatens to leave. Lily let’s go off the fight of her parent’s. They are nothing like them.

[creativity-is-rebellion]

Top 10 Favourite Movies I Have Seen (So Far)

How to Make an American Quilt (1994)

I’m not sure exactly why, but I have always had a thing for intergenerational movies that go back and forth in time, which I think that this movie does superbly. You get to know each of the character’s backstories, and it is also a coming-of-age film where the main protagonist must choose a path and be happy with the one she goes down. This was a film I would watch again and again as a teenager when I was sad (movie marathons were always the cure for my blues back then). More recently, there are other reasons why this movie appeals to me; I can relate to Finn’s thesis-writing (I know it’s frustrating and easy to distract yourself from), and I can also relate with her dilemma in choosing what kind of future she will have. Also, Winona Ryder can do no wrong. Winona forever.

The Joy Luck Club (1993)

Another intergenerational film, I think it does a great job of juxtaposing the difference between parents who immigrate to another country and their children who do not really understand the sacrifices they have made to actually get there, which can cause rifts and divides. It does this specifically with the Chinese culture in mind, which is fascinating in its own right, and quite different to the US, which is where they immigrate to. The daughters who try to understand their mothers are able to bridge the divide when they are able to empathise with where their parents are coming from, by the parents telling them tales of their origins. My favourite character is hands-down Ying-Ying St. Clair, whose backstory is definitely the most tragic. In China, Ying-Ying was happily married to Lin-Xiao (Russell Wong) with a baby boy in China until Lin-Xiao abuses her and abandons her for an opera singer. Overwhelmed by her depression, Ying-Ying begins to dissociate and accidentally drowns their baby son in the bathtub during one of these episodes, which haunts her ever afterwards. Years later, she has emigrated to America and suffers from trauma of her past, worrying her new family, including her daughter Lena. When she is able to get Lena find her voice and to leave her own abusive husband, Harold. I have nothing but love for this film, which breathes life into Amy Tan’s equally beautiful novel. This film adaptation does the novel proud; It’s well-acted, well-told, and simply just heart-warming.

Sinister (2008)

I love myself a good horror movie, and Sinister flips the script by starting out as a crime mystery before going bananas and introducing Mr. Boogie (or Bughuul), a pagan demon who manipulates the lives of children, having them kill their families, until he can consume the child's soul. Ethan Hawke, who both directs and stars in this film, does a phenomenal acting job as washed-up crime author Ellison Oswalt, who moves his family into one of the homes which was the scene of one of the ‘crimes’, where a whole family has been massacred and one child is missing. It isn’t long until he finds a bunch of 8mm tapes in the attic, which represent the equivalent of snuff films, detailing previous family massacres occurring elsewhere. Seriously, some of these 8mm tapes are both difficult but strangely thrilling to watch, due to their haunting quality. It takes him a while before he becomes aware of Bughuul, who he discovers hiding in the corner of one of the tapes, and who he is able to get to know about with the help of a rookie cop and a professor. The ending is also a delicious twist, and indicates the inevitability of not being able to escape evil. Seriously, it’s a must-watch, as it breathes rare new life into the tired horror genre.

Insidious, Chapter One (2010)

Another worthy 21st century horror addition, the Insidious franchise (especially the first film) delivers some great twists, and creates a rich universe way beyond any ordinary haunted house or child-plagued-by-demon trope, by introducing some genuinely scary characters (The Lipstick Demon, Doll Girl, and the Bride in Black, anyone?!), and also introducing The Further, a dark and timeless astral world filled with tortured dead souls and nightmarish spirits. I love the twist that the end of this movie delivers, and also the appropriate jump-scares throughout. It is yet another horror movie that breathes life into a somewhat tired genre. 10/10, I highly recommend this movie, even if The Lipstick Demon looks kinda like Darth Maul, lol.

Reality Bites (1994)

Although it’s kind of aged badly, due to advancing technology, this movie was one of the first to introduce the idea of reality television, whilst also capturing the zeitgeist of Generation X, with it’s rather nihilist message about life after college, and the trials and tribulations of growing up. Some of the characters (especially Lelaina and Troy) are self-indulgent, immature, intellectually snobby and navel-gazing, but you root for Lelaina to succeed because she is played with enough sympathy by the amazing and incomparable Winona Ryder that we believe she deserves better. This is one of the reasons I hate that she ends up with Troy, even if he is the broody bad boy we are all expected to swoon over. Seriously, he treats Lelaina so badly that I just want to punch him in the face. It also has some great side characters, like Vicky, who works at The Gap, but is scared to find a real job, and Sammy, who is gay and afraid that he may have HIV. It is also relatable for me as a Millenial who graduated from university when the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) hit, making it complicated to find a good job, mirroring the recession that these characters graduated into. I love that it talks about pivotal Generation X issues, as well as universal issues that encompass growing up and moving into adulthood. Also, again, Winona forever.

Candyman (1992)

Candyman is a horror film that subverts horror movie expectations whilst still managing to deliver some great scares. Being set in the long-gone notorious Chicago housing projects Cabrini Green, a name synonymous with vice, violence and murder, and a place which instils non-supernatural horror in an individual all on its own, tells the story of thesis student Helen, who is researching urban legends, and through her participants, she learns the story of Candyman, a vengeful rendition of the classic Bloody Mary, who will split you from groin to gullet with his hook for a hand if you say his name five times in the mirror. 

The people who recount this legend go on to recount a notorious murder that has taken place recently in Cabrini Green which has been attributed to Candyman, and Helen chooses to investigate the claim. Helen rationalises that the residents of Cabrini Green use the legend of Candy Man to cope with their stressful daily lives. Before visiting Cabrini Green, Helen and her research associate decide to test the theory by saying ‘Candy Man’ five times in a mirror, but nothing happens, at least not yet. In real life, the murder rate in Cabrini Green peaked in 1992, the same year that Candy Man was made. Candy Man himself (played with great aplomb by the legendary Tony Todd) doesn’t show up until around 44 minutes into the movie, but when he does, he steals the show with his dangerous charisma. 

In total, Candy Man subverts 3 horror rules: Number one, that you need to have a high body count to keep audiences engaged. By doing so, it stretches out the tension for as long as it can. Number two, there is a Black antagonist. There were some issues addressed by Black critics that this depiction played into some racist stereotypes, such as the idea that Black people need a White saviour, that Black people are especially superstitious, and that Black men prefer to pursue White women. But one could say that Candy Man is more a depiction of the White fears associated with Black poverty, and specifically, White Liberal fears that Black poverty can’t be helped, despite their best efforts. Helen doesn’t mean any harm (some may even call her an ally), yet she dies anyway. 

By making the antagonist Black, the film becomes about so much more than just visceral horror, it is about societal, racial and historical horror as well, albeit told from a White perspective. It also plays into the fear that Black people, through no fault of their own, could be killed for no reason at all but panicky neighbours. Finally, number three, this film is more sad than scary; sadness tends to be the most common negative emotion that I experience, so I am drawn to movies that have something to say about it. The only reason Candy Man gives for wanting to kill Helen is that she demystified him, which seems pretty petty and vindictive. She is also supposed to resemble his long-lost love that got him killed in the first place. When Candy Man kills the psychiatrist in the movie, it is literally the only on-screen proof we have that Candy Man isn’t just a figment of Helen’s imagination. Candy Man, like my most favourite horror film, The Shining, begs the question: Are there really supernatural elements at play here, or is the main character simply going insane? Phew, this was more than I planned to write, but I guess this film is complex enough to warrant it. See it for yourself.

Final Destination (2000)

As time wore on, the Final Destination franchise became more well-known for its gruesome deaths (and tired plot) than anything else, but the first addition was a fresh take on the inescapability of death, and the vengance Death Itself may take if you screw with his Design. The first 15 minutes of the film are truly thrilling through the main character Alex’s premonition, and the wait after the gang have been kicked off the airline for the plane to blow up without them on board. Seriously, that scene gave me aerophobia more than any Air Crash Investigation episode. What follows are some truly twisted, macabre domino-like deaths that prove that Death has a wicked, dark sense of humour. That every character in this franchise dies eventually is kind of disappointing, and definitely places Death in this franchise as possibly the most diabolical villain in all of the horror genre (move over, Jason and Michael and Freddy). The mysterious undertaker played with delightful maliciousness again by Tony Todd adds to the mystery of understanding Death’s Design. and the reality that no matter what the survivors do, Death will eventually come for them, really adds to the overall hopelessness and nihilism of the whole situation. The way that the last film of the Final Destination franchise, which is really a prequel to the first film, rounded out the franchise really well, and provided a twist as good as the original film was epic. If you are going to watch any of the films in this franchise, I cannot recommend the first and last film enough.

Now and Then (1996)

I love this film more for the cheesy, feel-good memories of my childhood it gives me. Christina Ricci is also one of my all-time favourite actresses (I absolutely loved her as Wednesday Addams), which just bolsters this movie in my eyes. Thora Birch does a good job as well. But seriously, I can pop this movie on any time and it’ll just make me instantly happy for a simpler era. Even if I wasn’t born in the 60′s or 70′s, there is a lot to relate to about bridging the gaps between childhood and the inevitable teen cross-over. I mean, who didn’t have seances in graveyards with their friends as a 12-year-old girl? No-one?! Just me then. OK. Ahem. I think my favourite character was hands-down Gabby Hoffman’s Sam, who is trying to cope with her parent’s divorce in a town and time when divorce is unheard of. I like that her grown-up character played by Demi Moore is a successful writer, and is also the narrator of the entire movie. If you want to watch a truly feel-good movie that promotes feminist ideals, this movie is for you.

IT: Chapter One (2017)

Since I watched the 1990 TV miniseries in 1992 at the tender age of 7 (my parents never monitored what I watched - which sometimes led to some gnarly nightmares), I have been waiting for a worthy remake. I, like most of the aficionados that watched the miniseries, loved Tim Curry’s rendition of the demonic entity of IT, but weren’t quite happy about the spider ending. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean. You may be asking why I haven’t included Chapter Two that came out this year (2019), and the reason is, despite Bill Hader’s wonderful performance as the grown-up Ritchie, a cameo by Stephen King himself, and more screen-time for Bill Skarsgaard’s scary clown, the ending here was also disappointing. IT’s true form just doesn’t seem to translate well onto screen. It was adequate. Meh. Anywho.

IT Chapter One, however, is awesome. Instead of jumping back-and-forth in time like both the mini-series and the book did, it focuses on the well-acted ‘Loser’s Club’ as kids, and is truly scary like this story should be. The bully Henry Bowers is truly sociopathic, and Bill Skarsgaard as IT truly nails the fact that IT is so much more than just a killer clown. The death scene with Georgie at the beginning of the film is quite subversive and daring, as it actually shows you the death of a child in all its gory detail. My verdict? Watch the first with gusto, but do not expect anything great from Part Two. Part Two has to exist for continuity, but the first film outshines the second installment in every way possible.

Lady Bird (2017)

For an Indie sleeper film, this story is fantastic as both a coming-of-age film and a depiction of separating from your parents and becoming your own person. Ladybird’s mum is overprotective, and Ladybird needs to break free, whilst also trying not to cause a permanent rift. She’s a different kind of gal, sensitive, intelligent, artistic, and so not meant for a dead-end small town. Her transition toward independence is extremely relatable to me, as I grew up with an over-bearing, interfering mother myself. Also, it’s set in 2002, the year I graduated, with adds to my feelings of nostalgia. It’s the relatablity of Ladybird that makes it so re-watchable to me. I grew up in a dead-end town, was creative and different to my peers, and went to a fancy private school that I didn’t fit into as well. So Ladybird is a cinematic delight as you see her progress to something more hopeful in the future. A must-watch.

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Depicting Black Characters:  A Writer’s Masterpost

I’m often asked for tips on how to respectfully depict Black people, or how to write from their point of view.  Because something about my marshmallow complexion evidently screams that I’m a jackpot of insider information on Black culture.

However, I appreciate that my followers want to learn -- that’s something we all need to do!  So I decided the time has come to compile a masterpost on sources from real Black people, so you can get your information right from the source.

More to come, and happy writing!

Literature

25 Amazing Books by African-American Writers

10 Must-Read Books by Iconic Black Authors

12 Unputdownable Books by Black Authors

15 Black Writers We Should All be Reading

Websites

Black Enterprise  -- a website for Black entrepreneurship.  

For Harriet -- an online community celebrating Black women through history and storytelling.

Tea & Breakfast -- a Black-focused website bringing you the latest in news and entertainment. 

Ebony -- a highly respected resource for Black news, entertainment, and lifestyle content.

Clutch Magazine -- a mixture of news and editorial pieces.  

Racism

7 Things Black People Want Their Well-Meaning White Friends to Know

100 Ways White People Can Make Life Less Frustrating For People of Color

This is What it Feels Like to be Black in White Spaces

Growing Up Black in America

Blogs

@writingwithcolor 

@vintageblackglamour 

@ofanotherfashion 

@blackhistoryeveryday

@blackwomenworldhistory

@ukblackhistory

@blackhistoryseries

@blackhistoryarthistory-blog

Tips From Followers

I’m inviting all my Black followers to offer tips on authentic, respectful depictions of Black characters and culture.  If you have something you’d like non-Black authors to know, please message me and chime in!

Anonymous said:

I'm mixed race- black and white, and I think its important to mention the cultural closeness; a lot of black mothers are very overprotective, and restricting. Hair is important. A lot of my childhood memories had to do with my mom braiding my hair, or straightening it.

Anonymous said:

Here’s a bit too much information about me, which I’d very much appreciate if you kept anonymous: I am an Afro Latina, my grandma moved from Honduras to Ny when she was 15 and so my entire dad’s half of the family speaks Spanish (except me and my cousins lol). They’re all dark-medium skin like me, so when they speak Spanish it tends to surprise ppl, but they take pride in that. My dad grew up in Harlem during the crack epidemic and he saw a lot of people die, including his cousin who was shot in the head in front of him when he was about 8. He has a lot of unchecked mental problems bc of this and tends to lash out when he’s frustrated, tired, or guilty. His dad was also a rolling stone and unsupportive, so my dad tries very hard to be a better, more supportive father for better or worse. 

 My father met my mother when they were in college through a mutual friend. They were together for a year before they had me. They never got married. My mother’s family is what we’d call a bit bougie, so they didn’t take too kindly to this. They never outright disowned her, but a lot of the time they treat her like a black sheep. They’re a very “whisper-behind-your-back, never-confront-until-ur-drunk at-the-family-reunion” family. My mom and dad were together on and off for 23 years. Whenever my dad hurt my mom (never physically but still) and she had the means to, she would take me in the middle of the night and run to a shelter or friend. This happened about 5 times, each time my mother came back after about a half a year. 

 I have anxiety depression and add but great empathy, so a lot of the time I can understand what people are feeling but not why (basically I have no self awareness). I am an English senior that lives on tumblr. I am also very reserved but I’d like think I’m kind, if a tad childish. I love rpgs, marvel, and making characters but I have perpetual writers block. I also draw all over my notebooks. I’m not good with my hair though (an offense) and I used to be called an Oreo (white on the inside) in school, but I’m really just have always been a huge nerd. 

I also have a baby brother who I love and pick on constantly even if I’m at a dorm. I’m very protective over him and we’re nine years apart so I tend to feel equal parts caretaker and big sister. I am very close to my family, especially my mom, who I talk to almost every day. I am always tired, sometimes to the point of not eating at all, even as I write this I am in bed. However, I love shopping and walking to seven different stores around town, even just to window shop, is how I spend some days off. Like my mom’s half, I’m pretty non-confrontational, but I’m quiet and don’t like to gossip, so my friends and family tend to confide in me a lot. But I’m pretty closed off, so I don’t tend to share myself. I am bisexual but I don’t want to talk about that, bc I’m still not sure. I don’t like to touch people or have people touch me unless I’m close to them.   

 My half sister is also bisexual, as well as a preschool teacher and a single mom with two adorable girls. I don’t get to see them often bc we always lived in different states. She is a very sweet lady but is very no nonsense, and will be the first to step up if someone’s in trouble. I also have a half brother, who is mildly autistic. We live in different states too, but I never see him because my father didn’t treat him right when we were younger, bc he was “soft”. He is currently living with his mom and writing a GOT-esque epic, which he is excited to tell people about.

@trappedinfairytales said:

A Writing Account From a POC

Loving to read is a bit of a double edged sword. I love the stories, the worlds they depict, and most of all, the characters. But sometimes, I find myself disappointed that most of my favorite characters in my favorite novels are not POC (person/people of color). And if they are, they are depicted as stereotypes. And as a POC and a writer, there are ways to change that. Here are a few tips.

POC are FRIENDS, not FOOD

Now I love chocolate. I love coffee. However, if I read someone describing my skin color as the color of a cappuccino, I wouldn’t be to thrilled. Saying, “Her skin was like sweet milk chocolate, the kind you remember begging your mom for through a candy store window.” I imagine would be the equivalent of saying, “Her skin was so milky white, I could imagine dipping an oreo into it.” Ew.

Not all African Americans live in the poorest part of the city

Not all African Americans are poor and underprivileged. Some of us have gone to private schools, have parents with well off jobs, and live pretty comfortably. That being said, that is not the case for all of us. So if you want to depict your character that way, just make sure you do it respectfully, and not in a way that you would cringe reading at it you were in their place.

Don’t take advantage of our history 

African American history is filled with hatred and oppression. That does NOT MEAN THAT IT CAN BE EXPLOITED FOR A STORY. By all means, mention how awful it was, but do not use it to make other characters and or readers feel sorry for your character. We may want you to feel sorry, but more than anything we want you to understand that what happened was horrible and that it isn’t okay to use it any way you want.

So, yeah. Just respect POC. Even though you probably can’t imagine being in our position, be sympathetic, the same way you would want to be treated if you were being stereotyped.

If you have any other questions about depicting POC’s and want to ask a writer who is POC, I’m happy to help! @trappedinfairytales

[certifiedskywalker]

Night of the Roses - Margaery Tyrell

Anonymous said:

Hi! Could I get something fluffy with Margaery/ fem!reader where the reader is someone else's servant and treated horribly and Margaery takes them in and is really nice to them for the first time? Hi friends! I hope you like this one! There is some homophobia in this fic, so if that makes you uncomfortable or triggers you, you might not want to read this. I included it so that it would be more realistic to the Game Of Thrones world, where open sexuality is often frowned upon (not in Dorne though, woot woot for the Red Viper). There is also harsh, abusive language.

WARNINGS: homophobia mention, verbal abuse

King’s Landing was not renowned for its hospitality, but you had known that before your father had sent you off to live within its red walls. The tales of glory and the stories of squalor had reached your ears long before you were forced to call it home. The poor begging and dying in the streets, prostitutes slaughtered in bedchambers, all too common occurrences within the city. While the grime and vile happenings were horrific enough, there was yet another beast in King’s Landing that made your life there all the more terrible.

Cersei Lannister was a proud lioness, something you soon learned as her handmaiden. She refused to ask for help or aid, unless it came in the form of alcohol. A word of kindness never passed her lips unless it was in context to or with her children. Her green eyes would shoot daggers at you as you walked around the Keep, glaring for no good reason. You had been subjected to hearing grotesque rumor regarding yourself, started by the cold-hearted Queen. She was, quite literally, the worst person you had ever met.

Luckily for you, the lady of House Lannister was in an even more dreadful mood. Since House Tyrell had pushed back Stannis’ forces in the Battle of the Blackwater, the youngest members of the Tyrell line were stationed in the Red Keep. This included the lovely rose of the Reach, Margaery. You had heard of her beauty but, even from the great distance you saw her from, nothing could prepare you for seeing her in the flesh. 

Her long, wavy, auburn hair was laid down, framing her face perfectly. Her body was slim, curving beneath her gown, filling it out like a second skin. You had never seen such a beautiful woman in your life. Her ocean blue eyes sparkled in the torch light of the great hall, making you blush when you realized she was staring in your direction.

“Wine,” Cersei called, breaking you from your thoughts of the southern beauty. You quickly reached for the pitcher of Arbor Red and poured it carefully in Cersei’s claice. Her stone gaze fell on you, as if sensing your mind had wandered to sweet thoughts rather than tending to her every need and whim. “You like the Tyrells, don’t you?”

“They are our guests, my Queen,” you said coolly, refusing to hold her gaze. She narrowed her eyes at you, her lips pursed with distaste. “Hold an opinion, you weak little girl,” she sneered, “useless, you are. We are to attend a feast with them this evening. Try not to embarrass yourself, better yet…” Cersei stood quickly, facing you down with pure rage in her eyes, “don’t embarrass me.”

Throughout the rest of the evening, your thoughts were storming with worry. You had never been allowed to attend to Cersei during a feast, let alone one with such notable guests. House Tyrell, next to House Lannister, was an extremely wealthy house. However, the idea of being surrounded by people with that much influence was not what was daunting to you. 

It was the possibility of making a fool of yourself near Margaery that scared you half to death. You knew you would flounder being so near to her grace and aura, the one thing you feared was tripping over yourself further. Already you felt your feelings towards her as somewhat unnatural. You had heard that those that worship The Seven would hunt down people like you; women who loved other women. What if Margaery was the same way?

If you made her uncomfortable, she could have you exiled, or worse, killed. Resting all of that weight on your shoulders was debilitating. Cersei’s words before hand did not aid in alleviating it either. Now, you stood in the great hall, nervously waiting for the Tyrell’s to make their grand appearance. Biting the inside of your cheek as you stood, you tried your best to calm down. 

“Where are they?” Cersei growled, bringing the attention of her children and her father to her. Tommen frowned and looked longingly at the food laid out before him, unallowed to eat until the honored guests arrived. You pitied the poor blond haired boy. It had been nearly an hour now. Tywin, however, glanced at his daughter, giving her a stern look.

It was Cersei’s turn to frown then. You smiled to yourself, feeling a little better with Tywin also attending the feast. While he was harsh, cruel man, he was the only person that scared Cersei enough to silence. Joffrey grinned smugly at the exchanged look as well, but for reason twisted, beyond your own. The new King ran his pale fingers over the rim of his wine glass impatiently.

“Any minute mother, you know the Tyrells pride themselves on their looks. Especially Ser Loras, he cares more for-” Tywin cleared his throat, turning his cold gaze to his grandson. Joffrey, feeling the intimidating glare, silenced himself immediately. You turned around, smirking to yourself as you ready a new pitcher of wine. With your back turned, you could only hear when the door opened and the Tyrells filed swiftly inside.   

The head of the house, Mace, sat across from Tywin; Loras across from Tommen and Myrcella; Margaery across from Joffrey, placing herself neatly next to Cersei. You swallowed hard when your eyes fell upon her. She was wearing a lovely gown of light greens and soft, sky blues that made her skin look like polished porcelain. There was not a piece of lace or fabric out of place on her body, and her hair was equally as done up. 

“Welcome, Lady Tyrell,” Joffrey said, trying to charm her. Margaery, seemingly noting that the politeness was forced, smiled sweetly.

“Thank you, my King. I am dreadfully sorry that we are late. My father received word from my grandmother who demanded a rapid reply. You know how elders can be.” She smiled, then looked to Cersei, “Queen regent.” 

You curled your lips together to stop yourself from laughing at Cersei’s expression. Her jaw was clenched so tight you thought she might shattered her own teeth. Her green eyes burned like wildfire, as they were bright with pure anger. Margaery didn’t give her any attention for a moment longer, as she turned her head. Those soft blue eyes landed on you. 

She noticed your face, the hints of a smile on your lips and grinned at you. Warmth spread across your face as you turned around to hide it. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, pounding against your rib cage. Not only was she stunning, but her wit was as sharp as a freshly forged Valyrian dagger. 

“I do say, it is time for this feast to commence,” Tywin said above the din of friendly, and unfriendly, chatter. Tommen, who had been anxiously waiting to eat, dove into his meal, clearing his place in a mere few minutes. You rushed over and helped him prepare another serving.

“Hungry, my prince?” You said with a kind smile. Tommen grinned, food scattered around his mouth as he nodded. A cute giggle reached your ears from across the table. You looked up and past a few seats and found that Margaery was beaming at you. The blush you had fought returned when you held her gaze, and you quickly returned to your serving post. 

The evening was going smoothly after an hour or more had passed. The children soon retired, Tommen did so happily with a very full belly. The only people who remained at the table were Loras, Mace, and Margaery Tyrell, along with Cersei, Joffrey, and a tired Tywin. The younger Tyrells were only slightly buzzed, while Cersei was a bit more tipsy.

“More wine,” Cersei grumbled, lifting her chalice towards you once more. You started to walk towards her, but stopped when Tywin stood up. Cersei glanced over at her father, then turned back to face you. “Are you scared, slut?”

“I believe you’ve had quite enough,” Tywin said, leaning over the table to leer at his daughter. Cersei turned to look at her father once more, her eyes narrowed. Silence fell over the table, even the Tyrells grew quiet. Joffrey nervously glanced between his mother and his grandfather, waiting for who was going to make the next move.

“Pour...the..wine…” Cersei said to you, still staring at Tywin. The older man held his daughter’s gaze and shook his head. You looked up at him and waited for him to speak up. His light colored eyes bore knives at his daughter. Cersei speaking out was a blow of disrespect to his ego. She turned back to stare at you, “POUR!”

Her scream scared you so badly, you jumped, spilling the red wine across her lap. Some of the liquid even splashed against Margaery’s dazzling dress. Cersei scream again, this time is shock and rage. She stood quickly from her seat, raised her hand, and slapped your cheek. The strike burned like a flame; the impact rattled your jaw. 

“You dumb whore!” Cersei yelled, dropping her glass to the floor. She stormed out of the great hall, leaving everyone still seated there in complete silence. Mace looked up at Tywin, who wore the most disappointed frown you had ever seen. You held your bruised cheek, wondering if the sting would ever, totally fade away.

“My apologies for my daughter’s actions,” Tywin said, “please, finish your drinks. We will make more plans in the morning.” He pushed in his chair and walked around the table towards you. He met your gaze and rested a hand on your shoulder. “Go clean yourself up, girl. I will send someone else to take care of this mess.”

With that, that one spot of altruism given to by a Lannister, Tywin walked out of the room. You swallowed hard, glancing at the puddle of wine that had gathered on the tile floor. Mace cleared his throat and also stood away from the table. The sound caused you to look up, where you saw Margaery also standing. She was looking at you with a spark of something you didn’t recognize. In fear, you also ran out of the room.

You found yourself standing in the garden within the Red Keep courtyard. The smell of fragrant roses calmed your fried nerves. Birds of the night sang sorrowful songs that matched your mood almost too well. The cheek Cersei had struck still stung sharply. The idea of looking at it in any sort of reflection scared you. You just wanted to forget about it. 

“I was looking for you,” a soft voice sounded out from behind a grouping of bushes. You turned to face whoever was walking towards you and saw Margaery. She had changed out of her stained gown in exchange for loose fitting nightwear. Her hair flowed naturally like a fiery river of soft bouncy strands. She must have noticed you staring at her because she laughed quietly.

“Sorry, my lady, you caught me off guard,” you said, standing quickly. You suddenly regretted not going to your own chambers to change. “I’ll leave you be.”

“No, please stay,” she said, closing the larger gap between you. She sat down beside you on the stonework. “I wanted to ask you a few questions if that is alright.” You swallowed hard and nodded, finding your place beside her. Her warmth seemed to cover you like a blanket. 

“Does that happen often?” She asked, gesturing towards your cheek. You shook your head, hanging it shame. Cersei had hit your hand before, but never to the point where you had seen stars. Not like this time. “You’re Y/N L/N, of House L/N?” You looked up at the mention of your house.

“I am, my lady,” you said softly, “not many know of my house.” Margaery smiled and gazed down at her nimble hands that rested in her lap. 

“To be honest, I know little of your house, but I do know of you. I had heard my father speaking about you being Cersei’s handmaiden. He felt that it was a low movement on your father’s behalf. After what I have seen tonight, I truly agree.” “My lady, what are you trying to-” before you could finish, Margaery lifted a hand to the untouched side of your face. The gentle skin of her palm tickled your skin as her finger pads traced over your cheek bone.

“Sorry, Y/N, you are just so lovely,” she whispered, “it pained me to see you abused like that.” She pulled her hand away slowly, a smile on her petal pink lips. “Which is why I suggest that you become my handmaiden. It can be easily arranged by my father and Lord Tywin. And it would keep you out of harm's way. I would never let her hurt a hair on your head ever again.” 

You were speechless. Not only was the Beauty of the Reach speaking to you herself, but here she was, offering you a spot as her handmaiden. You longed to lean in, tell her yes, give her a kiss of relief and joy. The only thing that stopped you was the thought she might not feel the same. It was hard to tell how exactly she felt. You had never seen true kindness before, but, you believe, Margaery was the human embodiment of what it might look like. 

“Y-yes,” you replied nervously, but not nervous fear. Nervous joy; a feeling you had never felt before. Margaery smiled and stood swiftly. She leaned down and pressed a gentle peck to your bruised cheek. A dusting of pink flushed over your face at her action. 

“Very well, my darling,” she said sweetly, “I’ll tell my father now. I do believe this is a start of a wonderful relationship.” She leaned down once more, placing a kiss to your forehead. Her hand rested against your head as she pulled away. “Your stares did not go unnoticed, I thought I should mention. If this is to continue, we will have to perfect your subtly of love.”

“Sorry, my lady, I-” She silenced you with a kiss on the lips.

“You may call me Margaery when we are alone, and that is nothing to be sorry for.”