#i am just really not feeling good about anything i do anymore

[saikenakoego]

Last one before I try doing it with another character (and before i force myself to get back to work on art and stuff lol)

With the usual lady herself. The scourge of the undead and the paranormal alike. Hunter of monsters. Breaker of bones (and hearts). EATER OF RARE HAMBURGERS.

The unwilling vampire, Sammy!

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv This gal! vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

This one is really long, so I'll be dividing them by sections like the original!

Appearance

1. What is your favorite physical trait that you possess?

SM: If I could, I'd be feeling flustered right now. But since I can, I'll just say something at random.

SM: ...

SM: Hair.

2. What would you wear if they told you you had to gussy up?

SM: ...

SM: I AM gussied up.

3. Is there anything about your appearance that you would change if possible?

SM:

SM: Hope that answers your question.

4. Do you have a favorite material that you like to wear?

SM: Denim or leather. Easy to wash, hardy enough. Hides bloodstains.

5. What's your opinion on scars?

SM: I miss them.

6. How much do you take interest in trends?

SM: More than I'd like to. Apex predators have to stay at the top of the game.

SM: Oh, you mean fashion trends? About the same. Even if I don't feel anything, I want to look my best when I put the bloodsuckers back in their graves.

7. Is there someone you try to look similar to?

SM: Myself. From about 2 years ago.

8. Do you have a physical trait that you're known for?

SM: Take a guess.

9. What do you smell like?

SM: Wouldn't you like to know. Good enough, is what I'll say.

10. If you could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

SM: Sunglasses. Or a new jacket. Anything that can help keep me cool.

11. Is your favorite color a color you wear often?

SM: Yeah.

12. Have you gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

SM: I guess you could say somethin' like that.

13. What is something you would refuse to wear?

SM: Anything degrading.

14. Is there a style you're afraid you can't pull off?

SM: Average.

15. Would you wear something someone else picked for you?

SM: Silver picked this outfit for me. It's easy to move in and looks good, so I don't mind.

16. Is your appearance more telling or deceiving?

SM: What a way to ask about it. Hopefully the first one.

17. What are your thoughts on wearing costumes?

SM: It's been tainted for me, the whole "human pretending to be a monster" thing. But if it's for innocent fun, I try not to mind.

18. Do you have a favorite outfit?

SM: I feel like I already answered this.

19. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?

SM: Crucifix. Practical reasons.

Objects

1. Is there an item you don't like to live without?

SM: Crucifixes. Have to keep them upside down, though.

2. What gift would you give to someone you didn't like, but felt obligated to?

SM: Something as cheap as generic as possible. A card or something.

3. What object is likely to catch your attention?

SM: The answer is inside you. Literally.

4. Is there an item you liked that you can't get back?

SM: Don't think so. None that I recall.

5. Would you ever try to haggle?

SM: Depends. For what?

6. Is there something you're proud to own?

SM: I can't feel pride anymore. But I used to brag a lot about my cd collection.

7. Do you ever spend more time than you have?

SM: I have all the time in the world. But I do spend more time than I should...

8. What would it take for you to give up an item you like?

SM: A stake, or cash. Depends.

9. Do you prefer to give or receive gifts?

SM: As long as they're useful, receive.

10. Is there a type of object you don't like?

SM: Anything that can cause bodily harm. And I don't mean to myself.

11. What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for you?

SM: Burger.

12. Do you personify objects?

SM: No, but I know someone who does.

13. What do you most enjoy shopping for?

SM: Nothing in particular.

14. Is there an item you're embarrassed to own or want?

SM: Again, I can't feel embarrassment anymore.

15. Would you prefer something bought or made personally?

SM: Something that functions.

16. Are you willing to ask for things?

SM: Who isn't?

17. What is most important to you when shopping?

SM: Keeping an eye on the budget. Unlike some people I know.

Food and Drink

1. What flavor would you say your personality is?

SM: Bitter.

2. Would you prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

SM: Cooking. No one seems to get it right for me.

3. Is there a food or drink you're unwilling to try?

SM: Their... "specialty".

4. How big is your appetite?

SM: One appetite too big.

5. Do you consider eating fun?

SM: These questions make me angry.

6. Would you consider eating something you didn't like just to appease someone?

SM: No.

7. Is there food that has made you sick?

SM: Not anymore.

8. What is your favorite food group?

SM: Food has groups?

SM: ...Why?

9. Do you like to try new foods?

SM: I sure hope I did.

10. What is a childhood meal you cherish?

SM: ...Burger.

11. Are you food-motivated?

SM: ...

SM: Really?

12. Which meal time is your favorite?

SM: The final kind.

13. How much do you care about wasting food?

SM: Very. My mother raised me well.

14. Do you prefer restaurant or home-cooked food?

SM: Restaurant. For the time being.

15. What food or drink do you consider a treat?

SM: Burger...

16. Is there a food texture you don't like?

SM: Liquid, viscous and slightly oily.

17. What kind of drinks do you prefer?

SM: Water.

Weather and Nature

1. What would you do if you were suddenly caught in the rain?

SM: Find a place with a roof.

2. Have you ever had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

SM: If I have, I can't recall.

3. What season would you say you're most similar to?

SM: ...What?

4. Is there a natural phenomenon that scares you?

SM: I don't feel fear. But for sake of the question, I'd rather not be involved with any right now.

5. Have you ever had an animal phase?

SM: Don't think so.

6. Do you enjoy sky-gazing?

SM: I don't mind it when Johnny asks me to join him. That's about it.

7. Do you have a good sense of direction?

SM: Yeah. Par for the course.

8. What type of environment do you like best?

SM: Not too hot, not too cold.

9. Are you good with animals?

SM: Animals tend to run away from me. Don't blame 'em.

10. How would you react to snow?

SM: Just 'cuz Vegas is in a desert doesn't mean it doesn't snow. The place is literally called Nevada, por dios.

11. What part of nature do you most resonate with?

SM: The supernatural has no place within the natural world.

12. Could you survive on your own in the wilderness for a week or more?

SM: Depends on the place. Probably.

13. What element best represents you?

SM: Darkness.

14. Do you prefer hot or cold weather?

SM: Cold. Reasonably cold.

15. Is there a creature that scares you?

SM: No.

16. What celestial body interests you the most?

SM: The sun.

17. Are you good with plants?

SM: About as good as anyone.

18. How willing would you be to nap outside?

SM: Unwilling.

19. What animal would you say best represents you?

SM: A mosquito.

Community and Relationships

1. Do you prefer company or solitude when sick?

SM: I don't get sick.

SM: ...

SM: But Silver being a pest during... that, wasn't so bad.

2. What is your favorite kind of social event?

SM: None.

3. How comfortable would you be with singing and dancing in front of everyone?

SM: I would not care. Though it would be better if I got something out of it.

4. Are you upfront about your feelings?

SM: If I had any.

5. Who would you seek first if you needed medical help?

SM: Nobody. For their sake.

6. How willing would you be to go to a party with people you don't know?

SM: If it leads to something useful, willing. Otherwise, rather not.

7. Who are you most honest with?

SM: Silver.

8. How likely is it for you to initiate a friendship?

SM: Unlikely.

9. Where is your comfort place?

SM: ...Home.

10. Is there a habit you've learned from someone else?

SM: Less learned and more forcefully conditioned into me.

11. Do you think you have people who would worry about you if you got injured?

SM: Yeah. Somehow.

12. How would you react to being put in a position of leadership?

SM: I don't like it.

13. Would you be good at providing medical assistance?

SM: Would a starving bear be good at it? Carajo.

14. Who would you say knows you best?

SM: Silver. Maybe a little too much.

15. Is there a person you would turn to for backup in a fight?

SM: The boys. Either of them, for different reasons.

16. Who would you most like to sign your cast if you got one?

SM: If I were able to get a cast? Everyone, probably.

17. How well do you work with others?

SM: Well enough.

18. What is your favorite form of affection?

SM: Minding your business.

19. Do you enjoy celebrating holidays?

SM: I really don't care.

20. What would it take for you to get into a fight?

SM: Not much.

Mind, Body and Soul

1. What is a habit you have that others might find cute?

SM: I don't think anyone would ever find me cute.

2. Are there any particular sounds you're fond of?

SM: Heartbeats.

3. Are you more prone to fight or flight?

SM: Fight.

4. Do you believe in myths and fairytales?

SM: Do you?

5. What words could tear you down?

SM: None.

6. How well do you act under pressure?

SM: Pressure isn't something I'm familiar with.

7. Are you good at practicing self-care?

SM: That's not a luxury I can afford.

8. What do you find most comforting?

SM: Not comforting, but I'd rather be left alone.

9. Do you have any allergies?

SM: No.

10. Are you a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

SM: I don't need sleep.

11. Do you have a strong willpower?

SM: Given how everyone around me remains safe and ignorant, I'd say yes.

12. Are you more likely to give advice or take it?

SM: Johnny seems to ask me for advice often, and I can't understand why.

13. How do you relax?

SM: I don't.

14. Is there a secret you long to hear?

SM: The method to end this madness.

15. Do you have a sleep routine?

SM: I used to.

16. Would you feel confident in a fight?

SM: Why would you be in a fight otherwise?

17. Are you more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

SM: Night. Self explanatory.

18. How often do you have nightmares?

SM: ...Often.

19. Are there scents you dislike?

SM: Blood.

20. Is there a fear you'd like to learn to overcome?

SM: I fear nothing.

21. If you had to act in a play, what role do you think you'd perform best?

SM: Background character. A tree or something.

22. Do you have a high pain tolerance?

SM: Pain is a quality of the living.

Hobbies and Activities

1. What kind of games do you most enjoy playing?

SM: Silver introduced me to Castlevania. Good game.

2. Do you have a secret hobby?

SM: Its a secret.

3. What talent do you wish you had?

SM: The talent to end this quickly.

4. Is there an activity you used to enjoy that you now dislike?

SM: ...Hard to decide.

5. Which do you prioritize more, work or hobbies?

SM: Work.

6. Do you work better with creative or technical endeavors?

SM: Direct endeavors.

7. What is a talent you're proud of?

SM: The talent to brutalize all these parasites.

8. Are you more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

SM: ...

SM: "Indoorsy".

9. What is a topic you'd be exited to talk about?

SM: Again. Can't feel excitement.

10. Is there a skill that you don't know you're bad at?

SM: I-- What?

11. Do you have any injury story?

SM: Fine. Since you're so insistent. Let's see, I've been stabbed and maimed multiple times. I've had my limbs torn one by one. I've been cut in half. Decapitated. Had my bones broken. One time I had to gouge my own eyes out. Had my tongue pulled off. My neck broken. I've been ripped apart, and one other time I was eviscerated. Then I got flayed. Had my skull caved in, my mandible displaced. And lately I had my brains blown out with my own friend's gun.

SM: Oh, and this one time a creep bit me and drank my blood. But really, it didn't hurt. Happy now?

12. What kind of music do you enjoy?

SM: I used to like pop. But lately, I've been subjected to hours of rock music by Silver.

SM: It's not so bad. The guttural screams keep my... mind off things.

13. Have you ever made something for yourself or someone else?

SM: I used to cook often.

14. What is your opinion on cheating in games?

SM: A necessary evil sometimes.

15. How good are you at following through on projects?

SM: VERY good.

16. What's an activity that reminds you of someone else?

SM: That's... I don't wanna answer that.

17. Do you prefer music or silence?

SM: Its complicated.

18. What is something you wouldn't wanna talk about?

SM: I don't want to talk about it.

🌸My Super Long Hopefully Fun Character Ask Game:

👕Appearance

What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?

What are your character's opinion on scars?

How much interest does your character take in trends?

Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?

Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?

What does your character smell like?

If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?

Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

What is something your character would refuse to wear?

Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?

Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?

Does your character have a favorite outfit?

If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?

📦Objects

Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?

What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?

Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back? 

Would your character ever try to haggle?

What is something your character is proud to own?

Does your character ever spend more than they have?

What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?

Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?

Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?

What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?

Does your character personify objects?

What does your character most enjoy shopping for?

Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?

Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?

Is your character willing to ask for things?

What is most important to your character when shopping?

🍽️Food and Drink

What flavor would your character say their personality is?

Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

How big is your character's appetite?

Does your character consider eating fun?

Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?

Is there food that has made your character sick?

What is your character's favorite food group?

Does your character like to try new foods?

What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?

Is your character food motivated?

Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

How much does your character care about wasting food?

Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?

What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

🌤️Weather and Nature

What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Has your character ever had an animal phase?

Would your character enjoy sky gazing?

Does your character have a good sense of direction?

What type of environment does your character like best?

Is your character good with animals?

How would your character react to snow?

What part of nature would your character most resonate with?

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?

What element best represents your character?

Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?

Is there a creature that scares your character?

What celestial body would interest your character the most?

Is your character good with plants?

How willing would your character be to nap outside?

What animal would your character say best represents them?

🤝Community and Relationships

Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

What is your character's favorite kind of social event?

How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?

Is your character upfront about their feelings?

Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?

How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?

Who is your character most honest with?

How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

Where is your character's comfort place?

Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?

Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?

How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?

Who would your character say knows them best?

Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?

Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?

How well does your character work with others?

What is your character's favorite form of affection?

Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?

What would it take for your character to get into a fight?

💓Mind, Body and Soul

What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?

Is your character more prone to fight or flight?

Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?

What words could tear your character down?

How well does your character act under pressure?

Is your character good at practicing self-care?

What scents does your character find comforting?

Does your character have any allergies?

Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

Does your character have strong willpower?

Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?

How does your character relax?

Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

Does your character have a sleep routine?

Would your character feel confident in a fight?

Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

How often does your character have nightmares?

Are there scents your character dislikes?

Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?

If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

Does your character have a secret hobby?

What is a talent your character wishes they had?

Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?

Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?

What is a talent that your character is proud of?

Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about? 

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

Does your character have any injury stories?

What kind of music does your character enjoy?

Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?

What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?

How good is your character at following through on projects?

What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

Does your character prefer music or silence?

What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

[lopsicle]

Arcane season 2 spoilers

/////

I have been thinking A LOT about Jayce and Viktor, mainly the scene where Viktor is reborn out of his pod of Hexcore.

Mainly because it means a lot for Viktor’s character. On a fundamental level, he never seen much worth in himself, but he did see worth in inventions, the things he made, it’s how he could prove himself to the world. This is why he becomes so concerned with his illness and the legacy he’ll leave behind on the world; he needs the Hexcore to work because he doesn’t have anything else.

But now, he is literally fused with his invention, his invention that he has grown to hate because it killed one of the only people who truly saw value in Viktor, and not the things he could, partly due to his own negligence. Viktor put it best, in his pursuit of greatness, he failed to do good.

He doesn’t really know how to process what happened to him at all, he’s a smart man, he can clearly deduce that his body has undergone some cybernetic change, he can probably remember the explosion in the council room, but other then that, he’s just confused, hence why he asks Jayce, “what am I?” Viktor’s body is entirely different and unfamiliar, and taking into context that the Hexcore, his greatest invention which he tied all his worth to, has failed before this, it’s likely Viktor had lost sight of who he was, and his new body only served to further that descent.

Jayce can’t think about any of that though, he’s just happy that his partner is alive and who wouldn’t be, he’d been waiting for days, possibly weeks for him to wake. Viktor’s mortality is one of the things that Jayce has struggled with the most in the series, which is what makes his survivor’s guilt so much more pertinent. A lot of people claim that Jayce grew up rich and coddled, and I think that’s true to an extent, but they forgot his family were workers, tool smiths. Jayce seemed to grow up with the idea that he wasn’t that fortunate, that he was a working, middle class man who was going to change the world, and then he meets Viktor, a “poor cripple from the Undercity,” and then he sees what the Undercity is really like and the conditions people live in. And that’s when Jayce realises; he had it good. I believe this is what encourages part of his admiration of Viktor; he is what Jayce thought he was.

Tangent aside, I feel that their hug is a very, very important moment, mainly because of Viktor’s reaction.

He isn’t relieved or uncomfortable, it’s just…nothing. Given what Viktor says about how he doesn’t feel that it’s cold and just recognises that it is cold, I believe this is the moment where it fully sank in how much his body had changed. He couldn’t feel Jayce.

And like, first off, that is such beautiful symbolism for what he says later about how they’re relationship was only held together by affection. Viktor physically cannot feel said affection anymore and know has no reason to stick by the side of someone whose views have become so contrasted to his. But more emotionally, it’s representative of Viktor’s belief that he is unloveable, his new body is merely proof at that, he can’t touch Jayce, he couldn’t save Sky, he couldn’t make the Hexcore work properly, he couldn’t even get Jayce to destroy the Hexcore. To himself, Viktor is a failure who is unworthy of love.

But, he still huge Jayce back. Despite not being able to feel Jaycee’s warmth anymore, despite it feeling like his whole life has crumbled, Viktor wants to give Jayce one last act of service. Perhaps to prove that he still has use, or maybe this was the moment where he decided he would have to part ways with Jayce, and just wanted Jayce to remember his touch, even if Viktor couldn’t remember his.

Anywho if enough people like this dribble, I may post my take on the rest of this scene because it shattered me

[hiraethwrote]

VENT SESSION LETS GOOOO — you’re allowed to scroll if you don’t care mwah

i spend an ungodly amount of hours on this app, and i look at you as my friends so just want to let you guys know

i am also a very nosy person myself, so seems only fair i share my own situation. but if you don’t care about all this, you can just keep scrolling. i honestly don’t mind lol

anyways… a few weeks ago, i told you guys i was going through something that was kinda heavy — yeah my bf and i were going through some stuff and started seeing someone professionally… we broke up

there was an understanding that this might be outcome when we first opened up this can of worms, and there turned out to be a lot of underlying issues that both of us had refused to acknowledge

it was definitely a mutual decision. though it’s a hard pill to swallow, we came to the conclusion it was the best for the both of us

we want such vastly different things in life, things neither of us should compromise on. to me, life came at me a lot faster than i anticipated and felt like there were things left unexplored — and neither of us want to hold the other person back from what we want

however, this is a person i have been with for six years, a quarter of my life. there’s obviously a lot of shared history which is hard to let go of. it’s also so incredibly painful when we’re not splitting due to lack of affection and love for the other person, but because our desires and wants in life just don’t align

he is still my best friend, and because of how our life situation is, we will continue living together as we have been doing for the past three years (he only lives here half the time due to work), until i move across the country when summer comes. we’re also going to celebrate christmas together because it just feels right lol

i would say i am doing as well as i can… we are obviously on good terms, but this is probably one of the hardest things i’ll go through. it is the biggest heartbreak of my life. but that is really just a sign that the time we’ve shared together haven’t been a waste. we can be proud of the fact that we’ve been honest, faithful, respectful and kind throughout the entirety of our relationship, to the point where this is so hard even though it’s the right decision

obviously, i am very scared of the path that lies ahead. he has been by my side for the better half of a decade, and i have the privilege of exploring things on my own. it’s obviously what i have been missing in my life, so i am excited for what’s to come, but terrified of living a life he’s not going to be such a big part of anymore

but things are going to be fine. idk how long it will take, i am suspecting very long, but i know in my bones this is for the best for us both. so with time, i will be happy

and not to worry, i have a fantastic support system. i have incredible friends who are there for me. i am lucky to have a family who is not guilting me about leaving a long term relationship, despite also being sad. and i’ve learned i have a great community on here who has showed so much kindness, and i am so grateful <3

that being said — i am not planning on taking a break from tumblr lol. if anything, i am starting to get out of my writers block. this past week i have written more than i have the last month so that’s good! i think i might try and be a little more productive than i have been the past few weeks (at least i hope so, work is picking up again hehe)

not putting this out here for sympathy or anything, but just a little update. i am interested in the lives of those i follow, so maybe some of you are interested in mine

wishing everyone a nice weekend 🫶🏻 i got work in the morning (day after the breakup that’s fun)

[featherandferns]

my thoughts on the rudy/madison discourse and obx 4 generally (spoilers):

I watch obx 4 for the characters. I appreciate the actors, find their behind the scenes moments entertaining at times, and indulge in the occasional interview or Instagram post, but I do not 'follow' the actors. My fanfics are about JJ Maybank as a character, not Rudy Pankow. I appreciate Rudy Pankow's attraction, especially when playing JJ's character, but writing fanfic about Rudy himself (or any other actor) is, for me, uncomfortable. That isn't to shame anybody who does write or read such content, it just makes me personally feel uncomfortable.

All this to say: I don't care about the drama. I don't care about why Rudy left the show, whether this was his decision or the writer's. I think Rudy's girlfriend seems lovely, but I am highly aware neither myself nor anybody else knows her. Rudy is a grown man. He's in his twenties. He can decide who he does and does not want to date, and who he does and does not want to spend his time with, both on and off set. An Instagram post Rudy made on his story on Canadian Thanksgiving I think summed it up perfectly: he loves his girlfriend, and if people can't get behind that, then get out.

Furthermore, Madison and Rudy do not owe anybody anything. I don't find interest or want to engage in the toxic debate of the 'he said, she said'. They're all adults, they all have their own lives, this is all between them. The speculation and pressure from fans is cruel and uncalled for. They don't owe anybody insight into their private lives. Maybe they aren't friends anymore - that's okay! People drift apart, people fall out. Yes, it's sad to see the change from season 1 in terms of dynamics, but a lot can happen behind the scenes. That's life! Also, I don't like the comparison between Rudy and Madison, and Madison and Chase. People saying 'but the actual ex-couple can work together fine' are forgetting that every situation is different! I had an ex-boyfriend at an old job; I was pissed at him for a few months but civil at work, and then I got over it and he apologised and we became actual friends about a year after the break-up. However, I have other ex-friends and ex-lovers who I could not ever tolerate or be near, and I can't imagine what it would have been like having to work with them after a falling out. If this is the case for Rudy and Madison, that's a really tough thing to navigate! Give them grace - yes they're actors, but they're humans too! The bottom line is: it's their life, leave them alone.

Following on from that, stop placing blame! We don't know why Rudy left the show. There's all different opinions and sources about who said what, who did what, who is the 'bad guy'. Nobody knows the truth but the three involved and, as I said before, they owe this to nobody to disclose.

I think Rudy leaving the show, whilst sad, is a fair decision. OBX began filming in 2019. You do a lot of growing from there and, especially with changes in writing, you can want a change. I think actors can sometimes be too tethered to their characters and it limits their future work abilities, because nobody can picture them as anything other than that character. You can still have successful careers because of this (think Camila Mendes and Riverdale; Matt Le Blanc and Friends; Ellen Pompeo and Meredith Grey), but Rudy clearly wants to explore other areas and other characters, like theatre and Indie movies. Good for him! We should support him! I don't love this 'I'm sorry we couldn't save you from your actor, JJ' stuff, because Rudy gave his heart and soul to that character and that performance. He doesn't deserve to be punished because he craves a change. It's the same as any other job/career; we all want a change sometimes.

The writers and show creators have been getting a lot of backlash too. Here's my thoughts on season 4: was it their best season? No. Did it do some of the other seasons and previous plotlines/character development justice? No. Did JJ have to die? Not necessarily. However, it is easy to lose sight of the small picture when you have increased demand and increased budgets. Netflix like 'bigger and better'. When people are given more creative freedom, sometimes things can veer off course. We can forget the original character motivations, dreams and desires by getting caught up in the spectacle. The only show I've ever seen that really keeps the characters true and consistent, whilst developing, and never forgetting a plot point, is Bojack Horseman. To me, that is the only show. It's a shame, yes, that it veered so far from season 1's aesthetic, but that's how it is.

As a fellow creator, I feel it's cruel sending so much blatant hate to the writers and creators for making the show. If Rudy did want to leave, they had to find a way to make this work for JJ. Yes, I've seen some say 'he didn't have to die' but I sort of disagree. JJ is too loyal and attached to his friends to just 'go off' on his own to somewhere else. That would also be out of character. I think the way he died, and the build-up and plot points that didn't get resolved prior to his death, is a little annoying. I don't like how it wasn't in Kildare, in his home, and in a different country. But hey - that's just me.

I know, that if I took so much time and energy and money, working and building something that I am proud of just, just to receive so much black-and-white hate, I'd be crushed. Constructive criticisms and opinions are good - we can be upset about a character dying - but saying 'fuck you' and 'we hate you' is a bit mean, in my opinion. The time and energy and work gone into this season is astounding. The travelling and set design is incredible! I mean, the shop is the most awesome thing I've ever seen!

I also respect that they killed JJ. I'm not saying I wanted him to die. I'm saying, it pisses me off when shows give plot-armour to the main characters. It lowers the stakes. You know they're going to be fine because they're always fine (think the majority of Stranger Things - there's a really good video essay about that here btw that articulates this point a bit better). JJ's death was shocking and upsetting, that's how a death (in a show, at least) should be, but it means hey, there are real stakes here. It's not fair he died! He didn't deserve to die! But he did, oh my God. It takes guts to kill of a beloved, main character. I agree, JJ was my favourite part of the show, but I respect the choice, personally.

I liked season 4. It wasn't as good as season 1, I wish they stayed more grounded and didn't start so many plot points without resolving any/all of them, but I liked it. It was entertaining. The acting was pretty decent, though the chemistry and acting when Rudy and Madison had scenes together was a little disappointing (again, I don't want to point blame at a certain individual; it's hard to have good on-screen chemistry, especially when you don't feel like it matches your character's true motivations).

Was it unrealistic at times? Yes, but OBX usually is haha. It's a show about finding EL DORADO at this point, like I can accept that they let Sarah and JJ get swept into the sea during a storm and come out fine, without a single earring out of place. Sure, whatever, I'll take it (so unrealistic, 90% would drown and you'd at least shed your clothes to help you swim and stay afloat but WHATEVER. Also put your life jackets on guys wtf it's a STORM).

I wish there was more development on the plots, done by having less plots at once, and more conclusions for JJ before his death. I felt as though we were building up to a big blow-out/resolution with Pogues which never really came. Also, don't love how they handled JJ and his biological dad. I don't think he'd be that willing to trust a random man who abandoned him so easy. Yes, he's reluctant, but COME ON. JJ has the biggest trust issues. I just don't buy it. Also, explain, please, how Luke went from being so wonderful and gentle with JJ to full on abusive? Just a bit of explanation would be nice, please. Not a huge fan of the pregnancy plotline but hey, sure, whatever.

So, yes, that's my thoughts on everything: leave the actors alone; the writers have balls for killing JJ but that isn't necessarily a bad thing; give people grace; treat people with kindness; I'm going to keep writing for JJ; and season 4 altogether gets a 6/10 from me.

I'm open to different opinions, further thoughts, or just general musings/ideas. I hope this doesn't upset or offend anyone, I'm not trying to spark drama or shame a certain person or people: these are just my thoughts and views! So, I won't be participating in any 'who's the bad guy' discourse surrounding the actors. I'm just here for JJ and the Pogues. Take care of yourselves and spread positivity in this crazy, difficult time <3 and, of course, rest in peace, JJ Maybank <3

P.S. These are my season-by-season ratings: season 1 - 10/10; season 2 - 8/10; season 3 - 6/10; season 4 - 6/10.

[inwumaki]

Still with You— ft. Yuta Okkotsu

Anime: Jujutsu kaisen/jjk

Character/s: Yuta Okkotsu

Synopsis: Yuta getting flashbacks after you two broke up (Angst??)

A/n: I wrote this while listening to Jungkook's Still with you so- (I'm not the best at writing these kinda stuff so I apologize in advance)

날 스치는 그대의 옅은 그 목소리

"Your faint voice that brushes past me"

He could remember it all so clearly, the way your lips moved as you said the words which made his heart stop. The bitter after taste of the recent encounter between you two ate him up from inside.

"Yuta"

"Mhm?"

"I'm sorry..but I cannot do this anymore. I love you but I can't ignore the constant paranoia of you still being in love with Rika."

Was it something he had said? Done? He could swear on his life he would fix the mistakes. He loved you but you refused to listen. He had moved on long ago, did you view him the same as your ex?

"What're you saying...?"

"I'm sorry" You mumbled one last time before leaving.

Yuta swore if you would have atleast given him a minute to react he would got on his knees begging you to stay.

내 이름을 한 번만 더 불러주세요

"Please call my name just one more time"

Yuta could hear your voice of all those times you called him by his nickname 'Yuu'. The times you would whine and complain about how much Gojo had put you through on the missions.

"Yuuuuuu!"

"Yes?"

"Did you know today Gojo-sensei promised to help us with the mission but that jerk left us stranded there."

"How about we get ice cream to make you forget about the day? Will that be good?"

"That sounds more than good."

He always loved when you complained to him even though that's not anything special but to Yuta it was, the fact you would open up to him made him feel loved and important enough. He wished to hear you say his name again the same way.

얼어버린 노을 아래 멈춰 서있지만

"Though I’m standing under the frozen sunset"

Now all he could do is watch you leave. So close yet so far. It hurt him physically to even think he won't be able to do the things he used to with you— going out on dates, cuddling, movie nights to even the dumb small arguments. He missed them he really did. But he had to let you go without a fight. Sometimes he wondered, would you have stayed if he went after you? Or would you have broken off that last pinch of hope, though for him both of it seemed better than silently deluding himself.

그대 향해 한 걸음씩 걸어갈래요

"I will walk towards you, one step at a time"

Still with you.

"I don't know what to do.." Yuta mumbled clenching his fists as his hair hid his teary eyes.

"Try to talk to her..maybe stop doing what made her leave?" Panda replied

"But she refuses to say what's wrong.. how am I going to fix it if she doesn't want to...?"

"Yuta, let me tell something. No one can help you with this, it's your job to figure it out and fix it cause at the end it's you and her not us with her." Maki said with a straight face.

"Or just leave her alone and forget about her, she shouldn't have felt that way if you didn't make mistakes."

He knew, he knew very well that he might have done something, you were never the type to be offended over small things...but he was willing to pinpoint it and heal it. Leaving you and forgetting about you wasn't in the list. He loved you, he would kill for you...die too if needed he really would but how would he explain this to anyone?

"I cannot let it go like that..even if it means it'll take time I'll do everything"

어두운 방 조명 하나 없이

"In the dark room without a single lighting"

익숙해지면 안 되는데

"Though I shouldn’t be used to it"

그게 또 익숙해

"It feels familiar again"

Yuta had been waiting despite the rain infront of your favourite restaurant where they were supposed to have their first proper date. The shirt on his body slowly soaking the tears leaving off the sky. The bouquet of roses drenching in the water. Had you forgotten about him? Or were you in trouble? The restaurant staff who knew he had an reservation were worried and invited him to come inside several cause of the raini Yuta would just mumble a "she'll be here in a few minutes..I'm sure, then we can go in together." But you didn't show up, seconds, minutes turned to hours. When he finally had enough he decided to check up on you–to atleast hand you the roses he got. He got there only to see you standing under an umbrella with someone else, a guy he didn't know. You had seen him and approached him, you were all dressed up in a pretty white dress with your hair done. Yuta assumed you had ditched him for whoever the other guy was and dropped the flowers there while walking off, without a single word. With you yelling at him to listen.

"Yuta-!"

"Yuta.."

"Yuta please just let me explain myself.."

He stopped on his tracks. The rain pouring on both of you, but neither of you cared.

"I'm not mad..but you could've atleast told me. Or maybe you forgot.."

He might say so but the hurt and sour taste of his tone was enough for anyone to see right through.

"Yuta I would never forget about you."

Yuta felt a pair of arms wrapping around his drenched physique. He didn't want to pull away but he did, he refused to be deciceived. He turned around to face her.

"Then who wa-"

He was suddenly cut off by her lips. He was taken aback, their first kiss.

"That was my cousin, my uncle is in the hospital..I needed to go there urgently and I forgot to take my phone..I'm sorry Yuu."

나지막이 들리는 이 에어컨 소리

"This subtle noise from the air conditioner"

이거라도 없으면 나 정말 무너질 것 같아

"If I don’t even have this, I think I’ll break down"

함께 웃고 함께 울고

"Laughing together, crying together"

이 단순한 감정들이

"These simple emotions"

내겐 전부였나봐

"perhaps they were everything to me"

The moments he got to see that smile on your face, the simple times you would end up crying on watching tragic lovestories. Yuta never thought much of it, but only if he knew they'll be what he treasures the most. The simplest and the sweetest days together. He hoped it stayed forever.

"Why're you crying-?!" Yuta panicked

"Romeo...*sniff* Juliet- they deserved so much better-"

Oh so you were just watching a Shakespeare cliché

"You scared me for a second.." Yuta let out a breath of relief and smiled.

언제쯤일까

"When would it be"

다시 그댈 마주한다면

"When I meet you again"

눈을 보고 말할래요

"I’ll look into your eyes and tell you"

보고 싶��어요

" 'I’ve missed you' "

Now Yuta sits on the roof by himself wishing upon the shooting star that maybe he'll get another chance to tell you that he loves you. But you only exist in his thoughts now, leaving him to only imagine you sitting next to him in the cold night and watching the moon as you used to while he stared at you.

[sgiandubh]

Why would Ashley go to follow and stop following Caitriona? After all aren't sam and caitriona supposed to be just friends and colleagues so why do that? They're the ones creating all the fuss for nothing. If they acted like colleagues no one would go looking 🙄🙄🙄 . I don't understand this need to always dismiss Caitriona as if it's oh my god never associate Caitriona with sam. What a crime to see two friends together ! Following Caitriona means nothing, it doesn't define an affair nor a relationship between them so I don't see the point in avoiding following this woman 🙄🙄 !

Dear Following Anon,

You can try to dilute things as much as you want, but you seem to ignore one of the weird Laws of Thermodynamics in this fandom:

Follows and unfollows are important and relevant. Until they aren't.

I do not share many people's mystique in this regard, simply because I happen to believe social media is nothing more than a tool. Whether it is used for promo and/or manipulation is anyone's guess. What is clear is that there are more things than the bits we are privy to via Instagram, very often with an agenda.

In that particular case, the follow clicked with some info I was shared regarding that get together at the Milady's bar. I was also told Ashley did (help) organize the event, which is consistent with her posting an IG story featuring some Sassenach bottles she was delivering 'somewhere' just before it took place.

And then, there's also this detail:

Clearly she knew the owners/bartending team and arranged things.

But perhaps she thought/was told that would be exposing her too much and then changed her mind about following C? I suppose all we can do is speculate, Anon. Fact is Ashley followed her and she doesn't anymore. Anyone's guess, really.

I will respectfully disagree with you about them deliberately 'creating this fuss for nothing'. You probably are a Fencer and, as all Fencers do, you seem to be unable to connect the dots and never question anything you are told. A most regrettable, unpleasant thing that takes away all the fun and permanently closes all the interesting doors and avenues you could explore in this fandom. Your explanation does not hold: if there is nothing, why condone this ambiguity? For clicks? That is ridiculous. C doesn't give a flying duck about clicks and he just has to take off his shirt: mommies worldwide will instantly unite and drool. How Pavlovian!

There is also another thing: C's Stans really seem to have strong, repressed feelings for her, that might go beyond what is socially acceptable from a fan. They seem to display such a deep sense of possession, it often made me raise an eyebrow in disbelief. If we follow this reasoning, then McGill is the perfect, harmless companion: they see him as no serious threat to their fantasies. S is something else and their minds dissociate - otherwise, as Yeats once famously wrote, 'Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold'.

'Following Caitriona means nothing, it doesn't define an affair nor a relationship between them'. Oh, Anon, I hope you didn't imply Ashley and C... come on, get a grip! By now, all the side players must have been gently, but firmly briefed about people's behavior in this fandom: lack of filter, and all. What would you do, if you were Ashley Hearn?

Finally, let me correct something about the timeline of events - thank you for the opportunity to do so:

I did write in a previous post (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/765519132954329088/seems-sams-mom-has-been-in-new-york-as-well) that the Milady's get together was on October 17th. I was wrong and superficial, albeit in all good faith. It was on October 16th, after C was spotted at the Burberry's 57th Street Flagship Store Reopening VIP Dinner, in New York:

I do apologize for this mistake and would like to thank @mojo106 for rigorously setting the record straight: what would I do without your collective scrutiny? Probably make a fool of myself.

However, the whole rest of it is legit and I am sticking to whatever I could write about it. Never a problem acknowledging mistakes and owning them, here. Warts and all, Anon. Warts and all.

[littlestarbigsky]

outsiders week - johnny

@outsidersweek

in which we explore johnny’s first time meeting the curtis family ;) he has some anxiety in the beginning but it’s all okay… mama curtis i am your BIGGEST fan <33

gang i’m really proud of this one pls be nice to her❤️‍🩹

johnny realized he had made a mistake the second he stepped off the bus. the first few days of kindergarten had gone alright, and he had gotten onto the right bus and gotten off at the right stop to get home, but it had been a long day and he was tired. it didn’t help that his father had kept him up half the night shouting at him over his coloring homework. he was only six, how was he supposed to be able to do this all by himself?

he’d zoned out for a few minutes and lost track of what stop they were at, whether they had already passed his or how many more stops there were before they weren’t in his neighborhood anymore. he got off at the very next one, realizing that he wasn’t in the right place and even though all of the houses were vaguely familiar, he couldn’t remember where to turn or how to get to somewhere he recognized.

he knew his mama wouldn’t come looking for him, she thought he was too old to be getting lost, and she didn’t have to worry about feeding him if he didn’t come home in time for dinner.

he stood, stick straight and paralyzed where he was in fear, his blunt fingernails digging into his palms. as hard as he fought them, tears welled in his eyes and fell down his cheeks. he would have to get all the tears out before he got home, his parents wouldn’t be very kind about him getting lost, especially after they had explained the routine to him so many times.

“hey, is this your stop?” a voice called from behind him.

johnny didn’t answer. no, it wasn’t his stop. what if they were mean to him and tried to steal his backpack or tackled him. it wouldn’t be hard, the doctor had told his parents that he was still really small for his age. so instead of turning around and answering, johnny stayed still. he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do anything different if he wanted to.

“hello?” the voice asked again, but it hadn’t raised or gotten meaner. “did you hear?”

johnny stayed glued to the spot until another boy suddenly popped in front of him, causing him to jump back. he could feel his heart pounding in his throat and his stomach turning to lead. he was lost and now someone was gonna pound him for it, just like mama said, just like dad had threatened to if he made a fuss about it. he braced himself for a blow, would it be to his stomach, maybe his face? what if they did it the easy way out and just tackled him right off the bat?

the punch never came.

“hey,” the voice said again. “i’m not talkin’ to another deaf fella, am i?”

johnny opened his eyes. the face in front of him didn’t look mean at all. as a matter of fact, the boy in front of him was smiling, his brown eyes twinkling in the late august sunshine. he was wearing a backpack, too, and if johnny remembered correctly, they had the same teacher at school.

johnny shook his head, and the other boy sighed deeply, “thank goodness, i keep accidentally talkin’ to that old lady over on center street who can’t hear no more. mama says i really oughta be more considerate about that.”

johnny didn’t know what to say, his feet still felt rooted to the spot.

the boy tilted his head, not unlike the golden retrievers the soc families walked in the park, “you… you can talk, right?”

johnny nodded aggressively and still didn’t say a word, but with every word the boy spoke, he could feel the tension in his shoulders easing away.

“well… what’s your name?” he asked.

johnny had to open and close his mouth a few times before he could squeak out, “johnny cade.”

the boy did the same head tilt that he had done before, and johnny knew he had spoken so fast and so high-pitched that he had missed a couple of vital sounds in his name. oh, now he would have to say it again-

“wait!” the boy straightened up excitedly. “you’re in my class, right? aren’t you johnny cade?”

he nodded, and for the first time since stepping off the bus, johnny smiled.

“my name’s sodapop curtis,” the boy said proudly. “even says so on my birth certificate, but my family calls me soda.”

johnny had to stifle a giggle at the name.

“don’t laugh, sodapop isn’t any funnier than johnny cade,” soda said sadly, but when johnny went still again, soda quickly added, “but, you know, there’s nothing wrong with johnny cade. that’s just something my mama told me to say if anyone gave me a hard time about my name.”

“your mama sure sounds nice,” johnny couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth, and he immediately wanted to clap a hand to his mouth as if that would put them back in so he had never said them.

soda’s eyes lit up, “she sure is! you know, she’d probably love you, you’re nice and quiet. she hasn’t got one kid that ain’t a big chatterbox. you can meet her if you wanna! we live just over there.”

johnny’s eyes followed to where soda was pointing, landing on a house that seemed rather worse for wear, but in their neighborhood, that was pretty average, anyways. still, there were toys in the yard and the front door was held open by a painted rock. it seemed so welcoming, and soda’s mama had sounded so nice.

johnny still shook his head, “i have to get home.”

“oh, that’s right,” soda bent down to tie one of his shoes. “i’ve never seen you get off here, do you live around here too?”

“sort of,” johnny felt his cheeks getting hot. “i lost track of the stops and… i don’t know… it’s alright. i’ll find it.”

soda seemed to be getting even more excited, “mama can help you if you need! i can bring you over to meet her and she can help you get home!”

johnny thought he might cry, or maybe he’d be sick. he wasn’t sure which one would be worse, nor was he sure if it would be out of relief or fear. he tried not to think about it as he fell into step next to soda.

“mama! i brought someone!” soda called as he let johnny into the house, letting the screen door slam shut behind him.

a blonde, kind-faced woman stuck her head out of the kitchen to see her son walking in. before johnny could get a good look at soda’s mama, another little boy came sprinting into the room. he had fuzzy, light brown hair, which was all johnny could catch a glimpse of before the boy had jumped on soda, hugging him as tight as he could. johnny had to laugh as he took in the little boy, he was probably a couple of years younger than they were. he was wearing a pair of blue swim trunks that were obviously too big, judging by how tightly they were tied, and he had a smile that could sink a thousand ships. he opened startlingly grey eyes to blink at johnny over soda’s shoulder and tilted his head in the same way his brother had.

“this is johnny cade,” soda explained, setting the boy down. “he’s my new friend from the bus! johnny cade, this is my little brother, ponyboy.”

“hi,” ponyboy said shyly, wringing his hands together nervously.

“hi,” johnny squeaked out.

“hi,” came a new, warmer voice. johnny’s head whipped up and landed on the woman who had poked her head out of the kitchen.

up close, johnny could only describe her as a sunflower come to life. she had curly blonde hair and deep brown eyes, just like soda. everything about her radiated warmth and comfort, and johnny felt safe in a way he never had before.

“you’re johnny?” she asked, and johnny nodded. “it’s so nice to meet you, sweetheart.”

johnny felt like he was supposed to say something, but he was saved the trouble when another boy walking into the room, taller and obviously older, and wearing his own pair of swim trunks.

“pony, i told you, we have to wait for soda before we can go!” he was calling.

“soda’s home, darry!” pony cried excitedly.

soda’s mama got down on her knees so she was level with johnny and smiled at him and soda, “ponyboy and darry were about to go play in the sprinkler outside. how would you two feel about going with them?”

soda’s eyes lit up, “of course! lemme go change!”

“i-” johnny looked down at his clothes and back up, feeling shattered.

she looked over at her eldest, “oh, right. darry, could you go grab something for johnny to wear?”

darry nodded and all of the boys disappeared into a room down the hallway, leaving him alone with their mother

johnny felt himself wanting to speak and it felt wrong, he didn’t know where the want had come from. there was a smile on his face, which maybe felt even more alien. he clearly looked excited, but the reality of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks. he had to get home. he was here because soda said his mama could help him get directions to get back home. this wasn’t his mama. it wasn’t like his would care when he got home…

“you think that’s an okay plan? gotta keep you kids busy while i make a snack,” she asked him, sitting down on the floor in front of him.

johnny couldn’t open his mouth to ask her how to get home. he knew he had to, and that his dad may beat his head in for getting home late, or maybe not even notice at all, but he wanted to stay. he wanted to have fun with soda.

he decided he had to be brave, though, “i… i got off at the wrong bus stop. i don’t know how to get home…”

“that’s alright, honey, do you want me to help you get home?” she asked him kindly. johnny realized where soda and ponyboy had gotten their head tilt from. “or would you like to stay and play here for a little while and then we can take you home? it’s up to you.”

his stomach turned over, things had never been up to him, “…don’t wanna bug you.”

“you’re not buggin’ me!” she smiled, and it was like johnny was being bathed in sunlight. “darry and soda bring their friends over here all the time! you are welcome here as long as you want to stay, sweetheart.”

johnny felt something loosen in his chest, something that felt like hope bubbling in his stomach.

“so,” she asked him again. “how would you like or stay here and play with the boys?”

johnny nodded excitedly, and she ruffled his hair gently. for the first time that day, he didn’t care what his parents would say when he got home or that he had messed up so terribly getting off at the wrong stop.

soda came back into the room with darry, who handed johnny a swimsuit and ushered him to the bathroom to change. it didn’t fit him perfectly, he actually got the distinct impression that it might have been ponyboy’s, but it would do just fine. he folded his clothes up and held them to his chest as he quietly left the bathroom.

“here, you give me those and i’ll run them through the wash, i’ve already got a load going,” mrs. curtis took the bundle from him.

soda sprinted over, grabbed his hand, and hauled him out of the house at a run. darry had already gotten the sprinkler going outside in the yard and ponyboy was running around, trying to avoid the spray as it tilted back and forth.

“come on, johnny!” soda pulled him forward and they both jumped directly over the sprinkler.

they lost track of how long they had been playing, making up games and running through the water to their heart’s content until all of them looked like they had just climbed out of a swimming pool. johnny’s cheeks were aching from smiling so big for so long, his stomach tight from laughing so hard.

it was at least an hour before mrs. curtis came outside with an armful of towels to collect them, shouting that she had a snack ready for them. all of her sons ran towards her, grabbing a towel and sitting down on the porch to munch on the sandwich tray she had left out. johnny lingered, his arms wrapping around his middle.

she caught his eye and waved him over, “you, too, johnny! c’mere.”

he walked over to her nervously, and she knelt down in front of him and used the last towel in her hands to dry some of the water from his face and hair and wrapped it tightly around his shoulders.

“don’t want a sweet little thing like you to get cold. now, go eat something, i’ll send the leftovers home with you,” she smiled, pushing his dripping hair back and out of his face. johnny didn’t normally like it when people called him little, but he didn’t seem to mind when she said it.

“thank you!” johnny beamed, waddling over to the rest of the boys munching on their snack and laughing together, their eyes dancing as they let the sun dry them.

[iamgonnagetyouback]

hey there, ‘s me <3 so, my first request will be for a story in a shell 🦪 for mattheo, with the "exes to lovers" trope i’ve been obsessed with lately, and the song will be sabrina’s good graces that i’ve been listening to pretty much ever since the release. i think it would be cute with the trope. thanks in advance 💘

Hey there me, it's Ivy! ⁠(⁠(⁠・⁠▽⁠・⁠)⁠)づ (sorry that was a terrible joke; I think it's my dad's influence) Anyways, thank you so much for requesting, honey (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) And yes I had good graces playing on loop the whole time I was writing it (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)

ivy's 1k celebration 🦪 navigation 🦪 characters

ˋ°•*⁀➷ MATTHEO RIDDLE exes to lovers with good graces by sabrina carpenter

The party was in full swing, voices buzzing and music thrumming through the walls. You could feel eyes on you, not the least of which belonged to Mattheo Riddle from across the room. Every so often, you’d look his way, meeting his gaze with a taunting smirk before turning your attention back to Theo, who was by your side, grinning like he knew exactly what kind of game you were playing.

The sound of laughter bubbled up as you leaned in closer to Theo, trailing a finger down his arm and smiling sweetly. “You know, I think you might actually be my favorite person tonight, Theo.”

His laugh was smooth, leaning closer to match your energy. “Glad to hear it. Though I can’t say that’s everyone’s opinion tonight.”

You knew who he was talking about but before you could answer, a familiar voice cut through the noise.

“Interesting, isn’t it?” Mattheo’s tone was laced with a mix of annoyance and a bit of jealousy as he looked between you and Theo, his jaw tight. “Didn’t know you’d be here, Theo.”

Theo just raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Hey, it’s a party, man. She invited me, didn’t she?”

You turned to Mattheo, one brow raised as you toyed with the rim of your glass, letting the tension settle thick around you. “Jealous, Riddle?”

His lips curved into a smirk, though his gaze was anything but amused. “Only if I thought there was anything real going on here.”

“Oh?” You leaned in closer, voice dropping, making sure only he could hear you. “Guess you should have stayed in my good graces, huh?”

A flicker of irritation crossed his face, but he didn’t back down. “Funny, coming from someone who used to be ‘sweet like an angel,’ as if you’d do anything for me.”

You shrugged, giving him a slow, infuriating smile. “I am still 'sweet like an angel', Mattheo. But I don’t waste that and my time on people who don’t deserve it, sweetheart. Besides, there are plenty of other guys who appreciate my attention. Like Theo here,” you added with a pointed look, making sure he caught your meaning.

His jaw tightened, his voice dropping lower as he took a step toward you, closing the distance between you. “You think this is funny? Trying to make me jealous?”

“Why would I care what you think?” You whispered, just close enough that he could feel the warmth of your breath against his skin. “Trust me, darling, I don’t give a fuck about you. Not anymore.”

There was a spark of something dark and hungry in his eyes as he leaned in even closer, his lips just barely grazing your ear. “Then why are you still here, talking to me?”

“Who says I’m here for you?” you countered, your voice all bite, but your heart was thudding as you took in every feature of his face. “You’re the one who keeps showing up, trying to ruin my fun.”

“Oh, is that what I’m doing?” he murmured, his voice dripping with sarcasm, but his hand lingered near yours, fingers almost touching. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re really over it.”

You clenched your jaw, refusing to let him see you falter. “I’m over you, Mattheo,” you whispered fiercely, lips brushing against his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

His eyes darkened, a wicked smirk twisting his lips as he looked at you, clearly unfazed. “You really want me to believe that?”

“Believe whatever you want,” you retorted, crossing your arms. “It’s not my problem if you’re still caught up on something that’s long gone. Just don’t expect me to sit around waiting for you to get it together.”

A dangerous glint sparked in his gaze, that familiar cockiness slipping back into place as he edged closer, eyes boring into yours. “You don’t waste time, huh? Right. So that’s why you’re here, standing in front of me, talking like you care about every word I’m saying.”

Your breath hitched for just a second before you steeled yourself, stepping back. “Don't mistake my nice for naïve, Riddle, I’m done. So unless you’re here to show me something real, you can find someone else to play your games with.”

He just stared at you, frustration flickering across his features as he tried to find the words. “Maybe I don’t know what to say. But maybe I’ll figure it out.”

For the first time that night, you let a little softness creep into your tone, though you didn’t let him see any hint of weakness. “Yeah? I guess we’ll see.”

You turned, disappearing back into the crowd, leaving him standing there, the mix of frustration and longing plain on his face.

The night dragged on, tension simmering between you and Mattheo like fire, every glance, every shared look, a new unspoken challenge.

Eventually, you stepped out into the night, the cool air biting at your skin. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering feeling of Mattheo’s words—and the way they still made your heart race.

You’d barely gotten two steps outside before you heard him again, his voice unmistakable. “Leaving so soon?”

You didn’t turn, knowing he was already close behind. “And if I am?”

He let out a low chuckle, the sound sending a thrill down your spine. “You don’t have to play coy with me. You and I both know there’s unfinished business.”

Turning slowly, you met his gaze, refusing to let him see the conflict raging inside you. “You keep talking, but I don’t see any actions, Mattheo. You don’t get to act like you care after all this time.”

He stepped forward, his face a perfect mask of intensity. “You’re right. I don’t deserve it. But I’m still here, aren’t I?”

The air between you was thick, every word charged with the weight of old feelings. You fought to keep your voice steady, refusing to give him any satisfaction. “Then maybe it’s time for you to stop waiting around. If you think you deserve my time, prove it.”

There was a flicker of determination in his eyes, his hands reaching out to cup your face. You froze, feeling every inch of distance between you vanish in an instant. He looked down at you, his voice low and hoarse. “Then let me prove it.”

The seconds dragged on, tension thick and consuming as he leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss that was as intense as it was inevitable. You gave in, matching his fervour, the unresolved anger and passion spilling into each kiss, each lingering touch.

Finally, you broke away, breathless, heart pounding as you met his gaze with a knowing smirk. “Stay in my good graces, Mattheo. Or I’ll walk out of your life and never look back.”

His gaze softened, a smirk of his own tugging at the corners of his lips. “I don’t intend to mess this up again.”

For once, you let your guard down, allowing a touch of vulnerability to show as you looked up at him. “Good. Because I don’t give second chances.”

His fingers brushed a strand of hair from your face, his eyes warm and full of promise. “Then I guess I’ll just have to make it count.”

And for the first time, you felt like maybe, just maybe, he was ready to do exactly that.

[mysticcrownwolf]

I know this is like just a silver lining and shit is bad but the only good thing that Donald Trump winning has done for me is that I don't have imposter syndrome anymore. Like 6 years of doubting if me even existing is important to the world or if I can ever achieve anything great and then this absolute moron of a man who doesn't have a competent bone in his becomes the most powerful man in the world a second time. Like don't get me wrong this isn't me being like he is an inspiration or anything it just he is such a useless disgrace of a human being that whenever my brain says you will never be able to do this I just hit it with "If Donald Trump can became the president of the United State I can do this" and then my brain is like fair enough because even it doesn't have a retort to that. Like I was always advised to act like I have the confidence of a white man whenever I needed to get a job but I was never really able to apply that in my life until now. Like I can actually feel so much better about myself as a person because I could be weird and useless to some people but atleast I am not Donald Trump or any of his supporters.

[lasandra]

Super Massive End Game Veilguard Spoilers Under the Cut!

Seriously. If you haven't finished playing Veilguard, DO. NOT. READ. So I finished DA:tV and I have been really trying to sort out my thoughts... And well...

Sdlkajshdfklajhsdfklajhsdflkjahsdklfjhaskldfjhaskldfhj I CAN'T!!! My dudes I am SO conflicted!!! Solas is the only character I have ever come across that I both love to pieces and want the best for him but I also want to beat him until he is a puddle of bruised yolk and cracked shells. This dude KILLED VARRIC FOR REALSIES! I am not okay with that. My Hawke's GOING to hunt him down when she finds out. If the Tevinter Magisters can get into the Black City then dammit so can she. And when she does, I am not sure even Lavellan can save him. Amelia (My Hawke) has lost so many of her friends/family/loved ones she can't handle this anymore. He also killed God's gift to elves Felassan. It's been over a decade since I read The Masked Empire but I don't remember there being a great reason other than him being upset that Felassan failed. Dude has GOT to stop killing his friends lol. Especially the hot ones. Like. Come on. As if that wasn't enough, he manipulated Rook. I love my first Rook (Carwyn de Riva) so much that I am STRUGGLING to play another playthrough with any of the other Rooks I had planned. To see that he manipulated her with blood magic... Stopped her from being able to mourn Varric with the others properly.... AND tricked her into that prison??? He didn't think she'd be able to get out. Luckily she had plot armor because if she hadn't gotten out I would find a way into Thedas to rip him apart myself. *Aggressive breathing noises* I feel very normal about this, obviously. Seriously though, guys, I came THIIIIIIIS close to tricking him with the fake dagger even knowing that Lanaya (my Lavellan) wouldn't have gotten her happy ending. JUST so I could see the LOOK on his face when he realized ROOK outplayed him at his own game! At the SAME time however... The idea of sending him into the Black City alone... hurts me lol! I don't want him to suffer. Dude has suffered a lot and honestly, I'm not entirely sure his being a friend-murdering ass is *entirely his fault... The longer I sit with everything, the more certain I am that Solas didn't really have a choice. Seems very much like he was sort of bound to the will of Mythal. Maybe I've missed something, I'm not as lore-savvy as I once was. But in the end when Mythal tells Solas that she releases him from her service and only THEN (NOT when Lavellan BEGS him to stop) is he willing to do the right thing? I don't know. It just reminded me SO much of his personal quest in Inquisition where his Wisdom Spirit friend had been bound and twisted against its purpose. If it works anything like what we saw in Inquisition with whoever drank from the Well of Sorrows, who's to say when something was him vs the will of Mythal? It could be a bit of a stretch but, there's certainly room for that interpretation, I think. And if that's the case, then he doesn't deserve the hell that awaits him. It's also the only interpretation I can really accept Lanaya still wanting to be with him. Varric was her friend too. While forgiveness is something I give freely, I cannot imagine reconciling with a man who did what Solas did without him having been essentially forced into doing it. *Sighs deeply* I saw the different versions of his endgame images... Shit man. The only way this man gets a happy ending is with Lavellan. Dude looks so miserable and gloomy in all the other endings. Moire (Trevelyan) was Solas' friend. She wouldn't want to send him off to be alone in such a terrible place. That would seriously eat at her. (Rook wouldn't care. Her give a damn was busted after he betrayed her for the twenty-billionth time.) It can never be anything but a complete and utter rollercoaster with this man! I do think that the ending I got with him was as good as it possibly could have been though, given everything. Sorry for this really poorly written rant. I needed to get this out of my system and it's almost 3am lol.

[manchasama]

In light of Nartothelar finishing the comic I commished from them, I am going to spend my Friday night ~productively~

So. The original idea was posted in 2022. And like all my fics, I think about them a lot, and notes to myself, come up with breakthroughs, change plots around, etc etc etc. And I would SWEAR I posted some of this, but I can’t for the life of me find it. And so. So. Sooooooo.

I’m gonna post the current plot of the RoadTrip!AU :> There will be some repeat beats, and it certainly isn’t the MOST fleshed out fic, but it should give a pretty good idea of what the fic should look like, and give a little more context to the comic.

Let’s start it like we did before. Emmet has been searching for Ingo for...a long time now.

Only that’s not entirely accurate, is it? He’s continued to work at the subway, continued to perform both his and Ingo’s duties diligently, allowing the authorities to perform their exhaustive investigation. Because that is what he’s supposed to do. That is the most anyone can do.

He wakes up every day (to an empty room). He feeds his Pokemon (and Ingo’s). He gets ready for the day (not looking in the mirror but aggravatingly aware of its presence; he also can’t bring himself to cover it). He pauses for a moment as he reaches for his coat (there are still two on the rack).

The day proceeds as normal. He walks to work. Greets the same people every day. Stops for coffee (the second cup isn’t taken, but he gives the barista a sad smile of thanks). Greets the depot agents and gets the day started.

Singles train in the morning (hard part first). Lunch with Elesa (a bright spot in his day). Double train in the evening (end on a good note). Walks home, occasionally battling an over-eager out-of-towner who challenges him. He can’t do anything but his best, and never really understand when the overwhelmed beginners get mad at him for it.

Dinner (at an empty table), loud Pokemon around him (to cover the silence). A few endless hours of going over reports, clippings, cold-trails gone colder, before he forces himself to stop. Goes to bed (in an empty room).

Emmet wakes up (to an empty room). He can’t stand it anymore.

He knows Ingo is alive, knows it in a way that others can’t understand. A “gut feeling” doesn’t help with a search, after all. So, he has to go out and search himself. Take the avenues others can’t or won’t. Find the impossible and make it true. He’s determined!

And in the impulsive way that Ingo had never been able to fully curve, Emmet up and leaves with barely a phone call to work to let them know he wouldn’t be in for a verrrry long time. (He tells them he won’t be in, and they wish him to get better soon. He corrects them; he is not coming into work ever. Or until he finds Ingo. He hangs up on the ensuing chaos to finish packing what he needs and wrangling his Pokemon.)

Cue Elesa barging in the house on him before he can finish up (she was called in by the depot agents). She absolutely pins him down and demands more details, of course, and once she realizes he is serious she calls in the big guns and gets Drayden on the phone. To her consternation, he is less supportive in her efforts to stop Emmet. (Drayden knows his boys, knows their cores too, and was honestly counting the days until Emmet cracked).

Elesa comes around to it (she has watched him become so faded, and this is the first sign of his old spark that she’s seen), but insists he slow down just a bit. He needs to wrap up properly at Gear Station, make sure his place is taken care of while he’s gone, and most importantly say his proper goodbye to her. (She will support him, and worry for him, and always be here when he’s ready to come home.)

Emmet begins scouring the world for help. His first stop; tracking down the local legends. In this world, while they are rare and elusive, there isn’t just One legendary Pokemon. Zekrom and Reshiram are extra elusive to humanity because of the History. But Emmet knows the general whereabouts of one trainer who has a Zekrom. And so he goes to find N.

(It’s pointless to keep this secret in these notes, but in the story it would not be obvious yet that Emmet is a Reshiram turned human. Surprise lol. But the interaction with N would be so interesting! Seeing N from an outsider pov react to a Pokemon that chose to become human. Having Emmet confront Zekrom who is not his brother, but understands. “I miss the you who isn’t you.”)

((Fun fact; I waffled SO LONG on deciding which dragon was which brother. In my notes about this part, I had Zekrom!Emmet lol. I STILL say either is good, but I have chosen and I will stick to it. Plus now I have art for it so it’s set in stone 8> lolol))

The scene is going to be a mash up of N and Emmet metaphorically circling each other warily, and Emmet and Zekrom butting heads. Zekrom definitely approves Emmet’s pursuit of his ideals (It’s a Truth, Emmet would argue), but the situation is beyond their limited powers.

Little snippet from my notes.

Emmet, staring at N. “You have a Zekrom.” Emmet is not so sure he’s comfortable, but he also cannot be stopped.

N, wary. “What a strange what of phrasing it. But yes, I have Zekrom.”

So it goes, so it goes. Emmet zeros in on the Pokemon who are said to grant wishes, but does not see hide nor hair of it. He tracks down a Pokemon said to be able to create strange portals, but they are the least helpful of all. He travels to Sinnoh, and for a while it seemed promising.

He looks for Uxie, the pokemon of knowledge. The lake trio is curious about him, but ultimately says nothing of import before vanishing. Uxie does grant Emmet an image of spear pillar maybe hinting Ingo is there, but provides no context.

At spear pillar there was a reaction, a swelling of power, of presence. But it fades away, leaving Emmet alone again. For whatever reason they found him wanting perhaps. (Dialga and Palika are unable to mess with the timeline during Hisui, it's too fragile to meddle with. Thus they can do nothing to help Emmet.)

One after the other, Emmet wanders the globe. He keeps an ear open for any mundane rumors as well, just in case. Asks if anyone has seen a man with his face. No one ever has.

Emmet is running out of leads. He will Not Let This Get Him Down. So he does everything he can to do it Right when he finds the Celebi, to ask them for help. Despite his preparation, they just flit away unhelpfully. He tries very hard not to get irritated. He might fail in that.

Then he spots a kid peeking out at him, looking as grumpy as he feels. After a bit of coaxing (“I am Emmet. What do you want?”), the kid comes out saying they can help. It takes a bit, but Emmet works out this is a Celebi that wants to be human. It’s not a common desire, and most Pokemon don’t have the power or ability to do it themselves, but it did it. And it still cant figure out how to fit in with humans, how to act like them. In the rare case it’s not immediately called out as a Pokemon in disguise (“It’s not a disguise! I am human now!”), it’s still considered far too strange to most people, who keep their distance. So it returned home to rethink its strategy. If Emmet will help it with that, then Celebi will help him.

As for how it can help, it confirms that Ingo is not in that time. Emmet counters that what can Celebi do as a human kid? Because the act of turning human is turning human. It’s not a disguise, it’s not an illusion. Humans and Pokemon think differently, react differently, have different desires and motivations. A Pokemon who truly changes loses most of their powers, because a human mind doesn’t work well with the instinct that drive those powers.

And in reverse, they can’t just change back, because they would lose what they gained as humans. Lose that way of thinking, that sense of self. It’s like running a sentence back and forth in a translator; what you get back is twisted from what it once was, and you know you’re not who you were. You can get close, but you will never be that person again. It’s not something done lightly.

(It’s impossible to lose all the power, because that too is inherent to who they are as well.)

The Celebi admits they can still do some minor time travel. Small jumps, and they can only hold the portal open for a short time. It takes a lot of power, so they’ll need to rest in between. Plus they don’t know exactly when Ingo is either. But they won’t change back into a Celebi, so he can take it or leave it.

It’s the first solid lead Emmet has. It’s less than ideal (lol) that Ingo got lost in time, but it explains why no one has been able to find even a hint of a lead. He will absolutely will take Celebi up on its offer without hesitation. The first lesson? Giving yourself an identity. He insists on Celebi choosing a name, because if someone else chooses it for them, it’s too much on the Pokemon side of things. She chooses ‘Anya’, and is now that much more human.

Now that he has direction, Emmet now has to figure out the method. Without knowing when he needed to go, he knew he’d have to cover a lot of ground to make sure that they didn’t miss Ingo along the way. On foot wouldn't do. Travel Pokemon would be better, but exhausting for all. There was one thing that Emmet was verrrrrry qualified to drive however. It just needed to be made portable.

He decides to gamble on a crazy idea. It was a mental exercise he and Ingo did as kids, a fun little project that had no use but was fun/cool to figure out how to do it. They've always had the idea of fighting on a train, and they were making their own. It was an engine that would travel overland, with a moving rail instead of staying on a track. Parts of it were still hypothetical, they never got around to working the logistics before the battle subway became a thing, but the train itself exists.

It's a steam train designed to work either on electric or fire to heat it (it exists! I found an article on it, pretty fun), and they would be having Pokemon to help with the various aspects of running it. Another reason they didn’t pursue it was because they would never have gotten the okay to have a train careening around the country side without a set path, but lol shhhhh.

(Fun fact, they have designed the conductor’s area with a switchable plate that connects to the water boiler. It can conduct heat/electricity to heat the steam needed to drive the train. Yes, it’s designed so they can tap into their fire/electricity powers to run the train while they are driving it.)

Thus Emmet dusts off their idea and gets to work on making it a reality. As quick, safe transport, a home base built in? It's perfect. To make it work, he needs a few things. One is of course the train itself. They used to spend their free time fiddling with it just as a fun side project, so it's not in bad shape.

The second thing he needs, which they never fully worked out a method for, are the tracks. Desperation is an intense motivator, and he has a terrible wonderful idea on what to do. He will need enough track for the length of the train he plans to take (engine and a car or two), plus leeway for maneuvering. And he needs something that will move the tracks. What better than a group of psychic Pokemon with enough precision to be able to lift and lay the track in a moving railroad. With the benefit of being able to handle terrain not normally maneuverable, if they keep a cushion of psychic power beneath the rails to keep them straight.

Why not just have them move the train? Because the train is way heavier and would exhaust them faster. Plus it’s much easier for him to control it himself than trying to control the Pokemon controlling the train.

So Emmet returns home with child in tow. He is starting to understand that people like to be Informed of things, so he lets Elesa and Drayden know he is around. He does not mention Anya lol.

Emmet and Ingo need to have a house in this AU, large property for both their pokemon and their hobby. It’s definitely more edge town, but still within walking distance of Gear Station because I say so. 30 minute walk? Sure. Emmet goes to uncover their project and starts going over it to determine what work is needed.

The work needed on the train is minor, he and Ingo had kept it in working condition over the years, and only in the last bit when Ingo vanished did Emmet let it sit untended. So he turns toward planning his task force. The rail needs precision though, so it can’t just be any partner.

Chandelure chimes in at this point, and she and Emmet have a heart to heart over things. Chandelure wants to be the one to help, has to be the one to help find Ingo. She hasn’t been able to control anything, let her control this. Emmet of course is grateful to her, but insists that it can’t be just her. Plus, he needs her help sensing Ingo in their travels, and how can she do that if she is concentrating on the train? She still learns telekinesis despite that, and is ready and willing to help if needed. She is the most skilled, and will be able to teach other Pokemon what’s needed.

Elesa shows up as Emmet is working on the train. Elesa meets Anya. Elesa calls Drayden to let him know. Drayden is busting down that door within the hour to meet his grandchild. (“She is not my child” “Such an adorable grandchild!”) Grandniece? W/e lol

So part of the story at this point would be Emmet trying to figure out what Pokemon he needs to find for his needs. I had some initial ideas, and some newer ideas, and I’ll be copying both here. If you’ve seen this before, that’s why :>

Some possible pokemon to consider and discard

Gothitelle - can see trainers lifespans. Very much a turn off to emmet, but also not suited for fiddly work

Abra line - not ideal, but powerful psychic. Emmet was going to settle for one, because he figured the high intelligence would help it understand what was needed and be accurate, if one wanted to help him.

Hypno line - predatory powers, not helpful for emmet’s quest. Puts targets to sleep.

*Espeon - would be a good battle partner, but not what he’s looking for. Plus he does not think he’d be able to befriend an eevee to the point it would evolve for him (ha ha haaaaa)

Wynaut line - no particular trait he’s looking for. A last choice

Spoink line - a possibility. Its powers could be used on items as well as enemies, so it might make a good choice. Spoink not being able to stop bouncing is a worry tho, meaning it needs special care to be kept healthy.

-Chinling line - no particularly good traits, plus a friendship requirement for evolution. A last choice. (wild ones follow the train eventually)

Munna line - no no nope if it created shapes based on emmet’s dreams he might cry. His dreams, not food.

*Solosis line - hardy! Able to survive in many difficult terrains! However most want to be battle partners, so he has a hard time finding any who want to help run the train. He is disappointed, thought it was going to be his solution since they are more powerful in groups. - It is more interested in physical battling. Emmet appreciates the enthusiasm, but it doesn’t really help his cause. Until it handshakes with Espurr. It’s not the same as linking up with another reuniclus, but it is able to help guide espurr to control their powers better. Useful as backup/emergency situations.

Elgyem line - Emmet does not like the messing with mind aspect of the pokemon. Might do in a pinch. A last choice.

Lunatone - Weaker during the day, and Emmet doesn’t plan on driving at night much. Might be good as a backup for that. But also not being able to pair with Ingo and Solrock make him sad.

Solrock - More helpful than Lunatone, but same applies. He wants to pair with Ingo if he were to partner with one. Also for both psychic is a secondary trait so weaker than other choices

*Espurr line - Emmet found out about it on his travels. He is charmed. He desperately wants to tease ingo about it. He wants one. It’s completely practical he promises. - First attempt, but he quickly realizes they will not be able to help. They can’t control their powers with enough delicacy. However they still really want to travel with Emmet, and so he gains a companion.

Hattena line - A possibility. Definitely a difficult personality to work with, would have to be handled with caution. (Eelektross does not like, and Emmet ends up discarding)

Mr Mime - A good choice, based on its abilities. Emmet might have gone for it

*Natu line - Emmet wants to find a Xatu. He needs its direction to help direct them which way in time to travel. It helping with the rails is secondary to that. - Emmet hears about Xatu’s ability to see past/future. He manages to convince either a Natu or Xatu to accompany him, but they are disinclined to help with the train. Still, they DO indicate he should start traveling to the past. He takes that as a good sign. (I like the idea of a Xatu flying above the train, though their dex says they stay stationary. *shrugs*)

Ralts line - More of an emotions pokemon, but the later evolutions would make fine battle partners. Not a top choice, but not last either.

-Woobat line - Elesa wants him to get one. He doesnt need a feels good pokemon! (He might get one) (Skyla totally makes him take one)

Sigilyph - More of a guardian. Not a first choice for the rails. Emmet doesn’t quite get how they think.

Indeedee - May not have heard of them. They would be good candidates, because they like to serve, but not sure they’d want to do physical labor for that.

Slowpoke line - too slow. Nope.

Exeggutor line - An interesting pokemon, but impractical for the trip

Girafarig - Would make such a fun battle partner, but not a strong psychic. Discarded.

Meditite line - Psychic power mostly to bolster its fighting style. Discarded.

Blibug line - Emmet would want an orbeetle, so it depends on if he runs across an entry for this or not. Good choice tho.

Baltoy line - Not quite a fit for what Emmet needs. Too old, might be hard to convince it to partner up. Might consider it as a last option.

Beldam line - Emmet considers it! Even if the psychic power isn’t enough, the steel affinity makes them more likely to be able to move rails well. He would need four of them tho, which puts them lower on his list.

Bronzor line - Emmet doesnt need a pokemon who makes it rain. But it is an interesting one. Lesser choice.

Delphox - Emmet doesnt have time to train one up to the final evolution right now. But he wonders if Ingo would have liked one.

Inkay line - Like Eelektross can float and survive out of water. Possibility

Emmett starting his journey to find the right kind of psychic Pokemon he needs to work the rails. His first stop is to find an Espurr. It’s a logical choice. Shush Anya, it has nothing to do with little frown and empty behind the eyes stare.

Honestly tho, he does actually try to find a good partner among them. First of course they have to find where they can be found. Then he has to see if any would join his cause. Some want to fight, some want to join TO fight, but none really care about his need for a psychic lifter.

He does run across one who isn’t interested in fighting, who shadows him as he goes around looking for a partner. Every time he asks if it wants to join him, he’s met with a blank look, so he figures that’s a no. Finally though he’s just about ready to throw in the towel, when he all but trips over it being too close to his legs. He apologizes and goes to head off, but it keeps. Following. He asks again if it wants to go with. Blaaaaank. Still follows. Finally he starts getting a clue that it just doesn’t communicate as expressively as most Pokemon. (He might be a little more in love with it). This time he is more patient, and figures out that it does want to go with and help him out.

They go through some training, trying to get the Espurr up to a base level for the job. Espurr doesn’t pass the training unfortunately, but Emmet is not about to abandon it over that. He may not have a conductor, but he does have a new partner.

Next area is to find the Reuniclus. Now this is a battle arena, and Emmet would normally be delighted by this. His Pokemon certainly are. It’s definitely hard not to have fun with such a challenge to over come. The more of them there are, the more powerful they are. None of them want to partner up tho, despite the fun battles, except one. Emmet explains he does not need a battle partner, but someone who will help with the rails. It is dismissive, going to head off. Emmet decides to come up with a compromise. He will take it on as a battle partner if it helps, but only if it can help Espurr with its control.

The Reuniculus agrees to try it out, and we have more training with the pair. They work out how to psychic handshake between species, and while it’s shaky, it’s usable. Reuniculus actually finds the exercise fun, challenging, so it’s not as put out as before, and now is enthusiastic about the trip.

Emmet takes a break from finding psycics to help to track down a Xatu. This would be an Emmet Anya chapter, as they talk over the logistics of the travel. Anya insists she can do it, even limited by human form, he should know that. (Not saying outright, but to those in the know it would be an obvious nod to Emmet’s situation.). He agrees she knows her own powers well, and he will take her word at it. But which way should they go? Does she know? She does not, just that Ingo isn’t in THIS time, and that’s not right. It’s hard to put into human words.

So they decide to try and find a Pokemon who can help their dilemma. The Xatus are definitely stand-offish, and most ignore their questions and requests for help. Perhaps it comes to them camping out, discussing the trip in question, and one of the Xatu overheards and is interested in such a journey. Seeing the past and future is all well and good, but traveling it would be an Experience. Once they get the understand that it will help them, Emmet asks which way. It indicates the past. Emmet asks if it’s sure it’s not just looking at Ingo before he disappeared, since that is what is tripping up Anya most. It assures them it’s MUCH better at this than she is. And thus a small rivalry is started.

Emmet decides to try the Abra line. He figures they are known for being able to communicate with humans when inclined, so it would be easier to convey what they need, as well as get a group of them to help. He just needs numbers at this point. Plus the Abra line is likely to be quite precise, so more helpful than his current explosive duo.

There are others he’s considering of course. The bug Pokemon is high on his list, but he figures he needs to put aside certain preferences and go for ones better for his cause. Alas.

While on the hunt for an Abra colony, he runs across a small group of Eevees in distress. (There is a pair of twins in the group, who walk around almost literally attached at the hip. They move in unison, and it brings a melancholic sort of fondness to Emmet.) They are being pursued by some bad trainers, who are trying to force the Eevees into certain evolutions for some underground battle ring. Either to participate or sell, something like that.

That will be an Event, where it’s Emmet versus bad trainers. He’s going to have to teach some lessons, probably more than once if it’s a group. I think he’ll have to run across them a couple of times. An initial “saves them but they are gone by the time he chases off their attackers” situation. And then he keeps running into people harassing this group of Eevees as he treks around looking for Abra.

Once Emmet catches on that this is an organized group and not just some bad trainers, he gets serious about eradicating them. Taking them out, and calling in local law to get them arrested and all.

Derailed from his original goal, he heads back out to again find the Abras. The Eevees find him first. They camp out with him, he and Anya tell them about their goals because they seem interested. The next morning the lot of them evolve into Espeons and present themselves like “here we are!” Basically Emmet accidentally befriends the Eevees so hard they evolve to Espeons just so they can help him out. He now has his task force.

(I would like to add this hilarious bit one of my friends provided for this scenario: extremely blurry video titled INSANE UNOVAN BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF FIVE POKEMON TRAFFICKERS AT ONCE (NOT CLICKBAIT) (HOW IS HE DOING THAT??))

Can you believe we’re not even at the road trip yet??? This is why it’s so hard for me to write, because I just keep adding MORE in.

I don’t know how much time would be spent, if any, on showing the training, but we’d rejoin when they are wrapping up preparations for the trip. Elesa is a frequent visitor, probably have some rotating people visiting scenes. Elesa insists on Emmet taking a rotom, and Skyla pops up with Swoobat. I think this will be a character development chapter, setting up personalities with each other.

The day before Emmet intends to leave, Drayden is in Emmet’s house as the final preparations are made. We’ll have a heart to heart between adoptive father figure and trying-not-to-spiral eldritch being. It will be great. (Really tho, Emmet is mostly just vibrating to get started. He knows he’s going to have a long journey ahead of him, but he’s optimistic that he’ll find Ingo at the end.)

Elesa and Skyla come over in the evening after Drayden leaves, and they can do their exchange then. Following day, Emmet gets to set off. I think we can even have the depot agents at the send-off? We’ll have to see how close they are in the previous chapters.

The train is both transport, protection, and sleeping/living quarters. It's able to hold all their Pokemon, plus the new ones, and an astonishing number of Joltiks. The reason to utilize tracks and let the train run as a normal train is that the train is heavy. It would take considerable more pokemon to carry it at speeds and lengths that they need. Track is much easier to move, though it does require precision and concentration. The Espeons get really good at it, however. Especially the twins :>

So begins Emmet's journey through time in search of Ingo. He retains his positive outlook, never letting the failures get him down. Sure, there are the occasional rumors that pop up about the phantom train that can be seen traveling the countryside, but it's never seen twice, and usually doesn't even get a footnote in history. Emmet isn't careless about driving near towns or roads, and those start to vanish the further back they go.

Almost on the first jump, Anya over does it. She wants to prove to Emmet that she is useful, that she can do this, and she pushes the jump too far back for her to handle. First thing to address is that Anya has been overconfident in her abilities. It’s not that she thinks she’s better, it’s that she’s determined to push passed healthy limits. So while she can open portals, they are taxing, and the further back she goes the more taxing it is. The first jump is a doozy, back at least 50 years, and she nearly passes out for it. Emmet is doing a heckin concern over it.

When she tries to brush it off, Emmet gets mad. She gets mad back. It’s argument time!

Anya thinks Emmet is being too condescending of her and her abilities. She said she’d help, and this is how she helps! Why is he even complaining? Doesn’t he WANT to find his brother?

Emmet is wondering why she is being so stupid about it? What good does it do them if she kills herself traveling? He does not want to be stuck in the past thank you very much. He does not understand why she’s trying so hard for someone she barely knows.

Because of how she over taxed herself, she can’t really tap into her power for a while either, so they are stuck in that time for now. Emmet is aggravated he cannot seem to communicate properly with her. He is concerned! But not because he is stuck, because she is not doing her safety checks! He already knew it would take a long time. This is Not the way to do it.

She is aggravated because she knows she could do better if she let go of her human side. She’s assuming he’d ask that of her to go faster, and is lashing out prematurely.

It takes a while for them to communicate and hash things out. By the end, she realizes he is fine with her human limited efforts, and does not think less of her for it. Emmet has a better time getting across that they are partners, and that this is not something to rush into dangerously.

They agree that they’ll just travel the country side for now, until she recovers from the strain. They don’t know how long it will take tho. So they’ll just…look for clues. They decide to leave Unova tho, because it’s too close to modern day, and they risk seeing someone they know and messing with time. Off to a neighboring region!

(Along the journey, some chimecho take a liking to riding along the current of the train. Their chimes are a soothing constant on the journey. Still wild tho)

So arrival in Alola, which does not have an organized league presence. Is the island challenge still a thing? It’s a smaller region, also lots more water in between, so they tend to park the train on the island and go walking to explore. What lesson should be learned here I wonder.

Learning to Relax (tm)

I need to research Alola and find out. It’s definitely vacation-esque tho, which probably rubs Emmet the wrong way. He was never one to take days off, and this is the very stereotype of a vacation spot. So maybe it’s getting Emmet to learn how to relax a bit.

Alola people work hard in the morning to get all the chores done, then spend the afternoon playing. Emmet first of all finds his work fun, so the separation of the two does not compute. And secondly, playing seems like a waste of time. Why not spend it battling or training? What kind of pokemon things can be done that are not battling?

This I think will be heavy on Emmet and the pokemon interacting. Okay after some research. Since they are looking for clues, they will visit a few places. They will also get sidetracked, which is where Emmet will learn some patience.

First thing upon landing. They decide to park the train, and Emmet tries to figure out where to go next. He has some sparse knowledge of Alola, but not a lot, and of course it’s out dated. Emmet DOES remember that the local TV station is about 55 years old, so it should be in service now. A central hub of information, a good place to start to see if anyone has heard of Ingo before.

When he turns around, all his pokemon are playing on the beach. He is annoyed, because he wants to leave Now. Anya is like “what’s your rush buddy weren’t you the one who told me it’s going to take time?” And Emmet is like That is different. Why are we wasting time messing around?

To the grumbles of his team, he gets everyone back in the pokeballs and on the way. Probably leaves the eevee family to guard the train, since they don’t have pokeballs? Or even if they do, w/e.

Makes it to the TV station. It’s a very relaxed, small time thing. They report on local news mostly, and no one has reports about any new visitors to the island. (Emmet is going to be infamous, poor thing. Small islands love to gossip, and he is the only newcomer in a while. Also how did he get there? Wasn’t by boat.) They promise to spread the word just in case, and where is he going to be staying so they can reach him?

Emmet did not think that far, and doesn’t really want to stay in one place, so he gets the Tourist Treatment. Told about all the hot spots, bragging about the island challenge, etc etc.

I think also Emmet might know about/ask about ultra wormholes, but they have not been discovered just yet. In a few years.

Emmet cannot sit still. He forgoes finding a place to stay, just staying in the train. But days of inaction on the beach is not his forte, and honestly his team tired of it after two days. They are battlers, and a break is nice, but they are all itching to GO. Anya isn’t ready yet tho.

So Emmet finds the Poni Gauntlett. He needs some battles please and thank you. There are some verrrry good trainers here, and Emmet has a fine old time. Honestly, he’d probably spend weeks there happily and not notice. I think Anya gets tired of it real quick, and goes off on her own. Makes her way to Melemele island and finds that orangu place to complain her woes away. It takes emmet a While to realize she is gone. Then he has to go FIND her.

Once he finds her, they once again argue until they are blue in the face. She wants to relax, DO something fun. He thinks battling IS fun. They work our a compromise.

She DID find out about a cemetary on Akala island, that supposedly has memories of people linger. They decide to check it out for Clues. On the way tho Emmet finds his Joltik are Missing. They fucked off to pikachu valley for a snak. The adventures of themb. They get back on track, don’t find anything at the cemetary, and eventually head back to the main island. Anya is feeling up for another jump, so with a quick check in on the tv station (if needed), they’re off again.

One thing that should permeate these chapters is how close the people are to their pokemon. It’s very ingrained in their society, even moreso than modern Unova. It’s a refreshing combo to our two legendaries let me tell you.

The next jump is going to be like 20 years. Emmet will not let her do more than that, for fear of her tiring out again. She argues that it’s too easy for 20 years. Eventually they’ll settle on like 30, and more as she grows stronger.

And that is the end of my notes for Emmet’s journey. Obviously I need More things for them to do over the years, and regions to visit. It’s a lot of research (so if anyone ever has suggestions I am ALL EARS). Until then, just know Things Happen. Eventually, he can sense they are getting closer. He’s not going to explain it (they know after all), but he just knows. Knows they are close. Knows when the next jump is going to be the last. He’s excited, nervous, overjoyed, and so impatient to get there. Anya opens the portal, and they go through it one last time.

Meanwhile, on the other side of history.

Ingo has been in Hisui for a while, and has adapted to living there well enough. He’s been appointed the honor of being Sneasler’s warden, and he’s trying very hard to fit in with the clans. It’s hard though. Something about it doesn’t feel right. Something is missing. Some part of him is so unknown, he just doesn’t feel like himself. But he has no idea what’s missing. Is it just the loss of memories? It feels like more than that. More than missing someone, he is missing a part of himself.

I’m going to have to change the order of events in canon for this to work out, so that Ingo and Rei can meet earlier. Some of the fic will be dedicated to that, and to setting up how Ingo has been fairing in Hisui. I have no notes on this apparently, and I have been fighting a migraine to get this posted tonight, so it’s going to be a bit sketchy. Just means I’ll need to update it later when I flesh it out more! :>

Another thing is that Ingo and Melli are going to spend more time together, because Lord Electrode loves Ingo (electric type solidarity), and Ingo likes to hang out with the Lord. And woe be it that Melli let this Pearl clan upstart mess with his Lord! I am of the opinion that while Melli can be grating, it comes from good intentions. He IS a good and attentive warden. When Adaman goes behind his back to have an outsider interfere with his ward, of course he’s going to be abrasive and condescending. He wasn’t even consulted about a decision being made for Lord Electrode. He had to barge his way in. (Yes, he was excluded because he was going to be a blocker, but still. Kinda douche move!)

Ingo, despite his lack of memories, has that New Yorker Unovian patience. He doesn’t mind a trainer who is confident in their own abilities, even if they can’t quite back it up. It’s the basis for becoming better, he feels. If you aren’t confident in your ability to win, how can you expect to put your all into a battle? If you do lose, train more and come back later. Melli technically does this.

(Ingo’s memory issues are actually exacerbated by the inherent but forgotten knowledge that he is also Zekrom, so none of his broken memories feel fully "right" without that explicit knowledge. One of the side-effects of the side-effects of him being an ex-pokemon who still retains typing, is that Lord Electrode really likes him. So Ingo actually hangs around that area more, finding comfort though he's not sure why.)

So due to immersion therapy, Ingo and Melli do tend to get along okay in this story. In fact, it’s not uncommon for them to be hanging out around Lord Electrode. Okay it’s more of Melli doing his token complaint about Ingo being there, but they do end up discussion the state of the mountains, people they’ve seen passing through, etc. It helps that Ingo wasn’t originally a part of the Pearl clan, and so doesn’t have the historic clan tension. Melli can’t keep up the animosity on his own, especially when Ingo doesn’t understand half the references. And then suddenly Ingo is pushing Lord Electrode out of the way (A distant part of Melli winders how was he strong enough to move the large Pokemon), and Ingo is struck by the frenzied lightning instead.

The thing about the frenzy, is that it latches onto the Pokemon and won’t let go. It drives them into a rage, and their base instinct is to attack. Ingo, however, has a human mind. Human rationality. And something is trying to swallow him whole. The Zekrom side of him is trying to rise to the front and force him to change back. Instinctively, Ingo knows this will destroy who he is, his sense of self, the history he can’t remember. There will be no chance of returning to who he was if he gives in. So he fights it. He doesn’t understand what he is fighting, but he fights it with every bit of himself.

At the same time, the desire to lash out at people, at Melli and Electrode and all the little Voltorbs around him, is almost irresistible. He wants to throw out his pokemon, command them to attack. He knows if he allows himself to do that, they will be infected by this power as well. He can’t do that to them. It hurts so much, he’s so angry, and he can’t hurt anyone. He won’t.

Melli get an up close encounter with a truly angry and terrifying Ingo. If Ingo’s self control was any less, Melli would not have walked away without injury. As it is, Ingo can’t suppress entirely the desire to lash out. It’s not electricity crackling around him, and the arcs of power sting when they hit Melli and Electrode. But with the assistance of Electrode and his pokemon, Melli is able to fend off the uncontrolled attacks, until Ingo gathers enough of himself to flee the area. Melli hesitates too long to try and stop him.

Now the people of Hisui have to deal with the knowledge that the frenzy can affect humans as well. They have no reason not to think that, after all. Rei is tasked with tracking down Ingo, and Melli insists on accompanying him. (He may not admit to Ingo being his friend, but he will explain that Ingo saved his Lord, so it’s his duty to help try and save the foolish old man.)

The thing is, they can't just lob Ingo's favorite food at him to calm him down. For one, they don't know what it is. For two, his brain is more human, so food alone isn't the same kind of comfort. Rei tries to challenge Ingo to a Pokemon battle, hoping that he can wear him down that way, but Ingo refuses to engage with his Pokemon. Every time he starts to lose control, to lash out against Rei and Melli, Ingo flees the area. Fueled by the frenzy, he is able to outmaneuver them to escape.

What Ingo knows in his frenzy is that he wants....someone. He doesn't know who, but he's raging at the world for this person, raging at god too because why not. But he retains enough of his mind to know not to lash out at the people around them. He'll yell at them and drive them off, because he does not know how to calm his rage and fears what he might do. He won't fight them. He WONT. Ingo's disorientation and undirected rage drive him on, but he doesn't know where to go. Ingo is basically terrorizing the highlands with no particular goal except to avoid people and not come apart at the seams, and no one can figure out how to help him.

Something in his subconscious drives him to Spear Pillar. The Zekrom part of him knows it’s the closest place to Palkia and Dialga, to Arceus, as the resident legendaries. Surely they sensed him being here. Surely they could have helped. Surely they know where the one he wants is. Why won't they answer him? (Because he is not a legendary anymore, but a human. Because there are rules. Because they are quite frankly busy with their own frenzied issues.)

Rei and Melli catch up to him there. Rei is again trying to face off against Ingo, but Into continues to refuse to fight. He doesn't want the frenzy to affect his Pokemon (despite the fact they are perfectly willing for that to happen if they can help him). He doesn't want to give himself up (he doesn't even know what this means with his missing memories, but he's resisting reverting to being a Pokemon. He subconsciously knows he could never return if that happened, not the same way).

So these two stories come together at this point. Emmet has realized his search is coming to an end next stop, and Ingo's basically at the end of his rope to fight against the force tearing him apart.

The scene is you have frenzied Ingo, atop spear pillar, being confronted by Rei and others trying to stop/help him. And behind him something appears in a rush of noise, obscured by the billowing steam coming off it. Emmet steps out of it, steam leaking from his mouth as well as he responds to Ingo's current state (Ingo sparking in response as he will always respond to his twin), knowing that they need to battle it out here as humans to save Ingo's sense of self. He's excited and ecstatic, and confident he can drag Ingo kicking and screaming back to himself.

Through the power of "because I the author said so", Emmet understands enough of the situation, can feel the power and frenzy, can sense his twin's distress, maybe even overhears people as he approaches on what's happening/how to fix it. Either way, he challenges Ingo to a battle.

Ingo wants to refuse. He's still irrationally angry, still wants to (bite, scratch) battle, but also HE is here. He's here, but Ingo still can't remember through the anger and fear and pain. Emmet being practical and insistent. Ingo tells him he doesn't want his partners to be frenzied. (Possibly Chandelure goes to his side (and indeed the frenzy bleeds into her almost immediately, but she stays by his side, ready to fight)). (Sneasler is going to be sticking with Rei, being more helpful there without getting frenzied herself).

(When Ingo first sees Emmet, he can't recall the right name. He starts trying to say "Re--" but stops himself, because he knows that's wrong. Emmet definitely picks up on that, and I think it would be nice to have him recite some of his scripts, both as affirmation of Ingo and Emmet, and to jog Ingo's memories. The whole "I am Emmet.  I am a subway boss together with Ingo" that kind of thing.)

In the face of his loved one's determination, he throws out two of his pokeballs (because he knows, he knows Emmet loves double battles more than anything). Emmet lights up, because of course Ingo would do that, even in the most dire of circumstance. He calls out their pokemon, and they have a wild, fantastic battle.

Emmet likes winning more than anything. With each pokemon defeated, more of the golden glow bleeds off. Ingo's pokemon drained the infection from him, and were able to release it with the battles. Ingo could not have done that without giving up his humanity. So in the end, Emmet does win, but so does Ingo lol. (Emmet's delighted laugh "how many new friends/partners did you meet?!" because Ingo keeps sending out more and more. However Emmet has also made new partners along the way.)

Bonus because it makes me laugh and likely wouldn't end up in the story:

During the battle, Rei is calling out that calming the frenzies with the favorite food worked before.  Emmet laughs a bit, reckless and amused.  Gets in close enough to stuff a meal bar or something in Ingo's mouth.  "You're not yourself when you're hungry, brother!"  Teasing.  Ingo getting Irritated and snapping his mouth shut, breaking the bar in half as he roars out Emmet's name because what else are little brothers good at but being an annoyance!  "Didn't work!" Emmet says, not particularly worried about it as Ingo redoubles his effort in defeating Emmet.

(Once we realize it's a twin dragon AU, probably during the Emmet vs Ingo stuff, we can do a flashback to how they decided to become human.  Bbie dragons spying on trainers and their pokemon doing battle.  Emmet's tail wagging in excitement, the weight of his brother on top of him as they spy, Ingo's hand slipping off his head into his face so ofc Emmet snaps back in playful irritation, etc.  They try battling a trainer, but the trainer is more interested in catching them than fighting, and the fear of being caught and separated makes them scramble to escape.  The longing to participate in the epic battles, sure that's what they want to do.  They don't even have to fight directly, just the close bonds, good friends, fun fights.  And ofc finally the transformation into children.  Probably do a Drayden adopts strange homeless children scene)

Some post battle wrapup and scenes. They end up all piling into the train to head back down to one of the settlements. Ingo is still kind reeling from the pain/relief and all that. I think at the very least Rei and Melli are going to be around. Emmet didn't pay them too much mind, more focused on helping his bro, but when Emmet goes to lead Ingo to the train to rest, the other two doth protest, thinking Emmet is taking Ingo away. So Emmet invites them to come with, he mostly wants to get the train to more stable ground and out of the cold.

Preface this with I don't ship the twins with anyone, but I like platonic affection a lot. Emmet sits Ingo on a seat and goes to conduct the train, and Melli sitting awkwardly next to Ingo, no idea what to do. (Possibly some discussion here between them, the “are you human” kind of thing. Still a hopeful/positive AU, so nothing cutting.) Ingo leaning against him in exhaustion, and now Melli REALLY doesn't know what to do.

At some point Ingo gets up to go to the front with Emmet. Just hugs him from behind, careful not to get in the way of what Emmet's doing to direct the train, pressing his forehead against Emmet's back. Not sure if Ingo's gotten or getting his memories back at this point, or if it's a gradual thing, or whatnot. And idk the thought of Melli and his Skuntank getting along great with their Garbador also struck me as charming.

Once tensions ease, Rei probably goes off to save the land and all that, all that’s left is the wrapup and the travel back. Obviously I’m missing a lot of interactions between characters in these notes, as Anya was a later decision to the battle at spear pillar, etc etc. There’s a lot of room here for details and additions. But I think this is the pretty solid foundation of the fic that I will one day hopefully write.

*collapses into a dark room to nurse my poor head*

p.s. Bonus, this song is kind of the inspiration to Emmet's decision to get up and DO something. I'm not one to go "ALL THE LYRICS MUST FIT" when it comes to music, so it's mostly the vibes of the song and the rather "train traveling" kind of beat to it that does it for me.

[icarusredwings]

Gonna have to reject your offer of He/ It cheif. Managment (Logan) would kill you for even inferring the idea.

Other people would come along and be like "What is that thing!??"

And you would just see Logan shift instantly from "Yeah ill give you a can of beans and a place to rest" to "Get the fuck off my property before you become his dinner" all while Wade is just... sitting there... behaving??

"He's not a THING! Thats my husband you asshole! And if you don't like it then fuck off!" Followed by Gabby going "Thats my papa you jerk!"

"It's just a zombie? You're married to a sombie!?"

"Again- HES my husband. I said till death do us part except death really isnt his thing so im stuck with him. You got a problem with that!?"

It makes Wade always very happy to be defended even though he surely could do it himself. For the most part things are pretty tame.

But he DOES clap a bit when logan mentions feeding him. 'Ooh yay, I get fed multiple times today' kind of way since Logan is very strict about resources, Wades is not allowed to just eat whatever because he'd probably just eat everything.

Sometimes if Logan forgets to feed him, He'll come to Logan and give him this specific whine, like a dog begging for bacon scraps only for Logan to feel terrible. "Oh my god Im sorry we were so busy today and- ... You're starving and you're not trying to bite me... you're trying so hard.. aw fuck wade.. im so sorry.. what am I going to do with you?"

"Mmm.... rawhrah?"

"Right. Feed you before you go insane. Got it."

Some days are like this. When he's clearly much more human. Being permitted cuddles and nuzzles, to play with gabby and to sleep in the bed. It's very rare that Logan lets him sleep in the bed. But it's the happiest day for wade when he is. And its not like they can even do anything (bro lost his dick miles ago and has no clue where the fuck it went but it just fell off somewhere and now hes a ken doll. This is great for those of you who like transfem wade COUGH COUGH)

But even if it didn't fall off its not like they could do anything anyway, They can't even kiss on the lips anymore. Logan has a theory that it's similar to rabies, where the infection has to be spread through saliva into an open cut or your mouth, etc.

So the nights he's allowed, they honestly just cuddle and stare at each other for a bit before sleeping. Usually, Wade is the little spoon because having Wade behind him is dangerous.

Wade heavily sees affection as a reward now, so getting to hug the girls is a massive thing for him, getting to sit there and watch gabby draw him is a big thing, hell Logan will sometimes even let Gabby play with wade out front because Wade has whole ass attacked other zombies whos tried to hurt gabby before.

One time Laura shot him in the head because gabby thought it would be a good idea to play "pretend zombie" and Wade didnt put two and two togerher that acting 'feral' as Logan calls it, outside with gabby would be a bad idea.

"What the fuck did you do that for!?"

"He was feral and going after gabs!!"

"Nu uh!! We were playing and you killed him for no reason! Youre so mean!"

Logan just sighs as gabby runs to her bed because it upsets her greatly when they have to 'keep wade in check' she fully understands that hes dangerous but deep down thats still her papa and watching your big sissy kill your papa is not something most 13 year olds would enjoy.

".. L.. you gotta stop wasting ammo. You know if it was really a code red that wouldn't do anything anyway. You have to decapitate him if you even want a flying chance. See?? Hes already up again... hi sweetie..."

Wade, whos sat up and now giving them a confused look of 'what did I do? 🥺'

"...arr Arawh"

"Im sorry, wade.." Laura squeaks out, still holding the shot gun. Shes just terrified of loosing gabby is all. To her, gabs is her responsibility.

"Rah awr rahrrr..."

"I know. She's sorry. She's just.. scared. No more playing that okay?"

"Mmh..😔"

There is infact some drift between laura and wade but neither of them mean it. Really they dont. If gabs is put of the picture Laura still smiles and talks to him but its like the moment gabby is near him Laura goes full protection mode and over reacts.

And FOR THE RECORD i have never seen the walking dead but its terrifying how accurate that picture is.

The longest Wade has been unconscious is probably 18 hours but this was before getting to the girls.

They have witnessed the exact thing you're saying, though. With Wade tied down in the shed, on his leash, and handcuffed, trying to talk to him, yelling at him to snap out of it because he's scaring the girls. Something different about feral wade from the other zombies though is it seems he's smarter, knawing on his handcuffs while most will just flail their arms helplessly. While his teeth dont do shit to the cuffs, its scary for Logan because it makes him think that one day he might actually have to find a way to kill him permanently.

He can undo locks, open cans, do many things that the others cant and he wants to believe its just Wades human part being stronger because in some weird way hes half mutant human and half zombie. A weird combo that makes him much different.

Laura, unlike gabby, too is terrified of one day wade going feral while their father is out collecting more supplies or hunting and she wont know what to do.

Wade isnt fast though. Thats the ONLY good thing. Hes smart, cant die, and is starving to death all the time. But hes slow. Infact he dosn't heal properly. His leg is half broken still from the last time it fell off and seems to barely be receptive to his brains nerves telling it to move so he lowkey drags it, only being able to use it to stand up right and take very small steps.

When he DOES finally come back hours later, He cries. Apologizes, begs for forgiveness, and most times is actually SCARED of Logan. While he hates it emotionally, he knows that logically it was a good thing for Wade to flinch away from him after being locked up.

A scared and fed zombie is a well-behaved zombie...

And before anyone comes here to say this is dehumanization of what ever else- HES LITERALLY NOT HUMAN ANYMORE.

Case closed. Besides I think wade would worry more about the fact of him trying to kill his kids then the fact hes leashed to a wall.

I dont CARE that it's November 9th and "Halloweens over" ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH ILL POST IF I WANT TOO

Anyway.

Thinking about apocolpse au.

Wade getting bitten by a zombie, Logan freaking out, Wade dying, and him coming back (Again)

"Didn't you just die?? I literally fucking burried you!!"

And wades like:

"Of course. Man, God REALLY hates you dosn't he?"

And he's bassically the same person except just saying, "Rahhah har ran re" (translation: I think the devil doesn't want me either)

"What?? Oh for fucks sake... tell me you're kidding.."

"Rah?" 🤔

"Great so now you stink more and you can't talk. Fucking lovely."

"Mmmmh..." 🥺 (would you still love me if I was a zombie?)

"*sighs, blushes and grumbles how insane this is and how much of a bad idea this is* Fine! Come on...."

"Raah!!" 😄

And sometimes his limbs fall off because I think it would be funny if you just saw him stop, turn around, pick up his arm and shove it back into place like a dislocated shoulder. (Marvel Magic)

But its very obvious that Wade is still consious and so logan leads him around, puts a leash on him, ties him up when he goes to sleep the first few nights so wade dosn't eat him, sometimes luring him with a piece of his thigh or telling him he'll feed him soon to make him behave.

The only thing about this resource wise is that it seems Wade is a bottomless pit, not ever able to get enough. It's like all the nutrients just pass right through him, so he can't get fed meals daily, but Logan will share at least one bite of his food. It makes Wade so happy and way more "wade like" than zombie.

Logan has learned that the hungrier Wade gets the worse it would be, snapping at logan a few times.

"Grr-"

"Aye! That's enough outta ya"

"GggRah!"

"Hey!! I said no! Bad! Bad wade!"

"Mmmh??"

"Bad!!"

"Mmh....rahah.."

"I forgive you. But stop trying to bite me. I feed you, don't I? I hold your hand and tell you that I love you?"

Wade is actually extremely friendly for a zombie (duh) and still yaps at logan except its nonsense. Logan tries hard to understand him and talk back.

He holds his hand sometimes, even lays next to him only to scold him if he gets too bitey. This is hard because wade already had a biting issue and seeing as he practically ate anything or anybody now it was more difficult.

"...aahh-"

"Wade- No."

"Ggr.. raahh"

"Wade! No! Bad."

"Mmmh..."

"Ill feed you tomarrow. Don't bite me mkay? You wanna hurt me?"

He shakes his head like a dog shaking off from a bath, or that ate a bee.

"Then don't bite me."

"Mmh? Mrah?"

"No. No kisses right now. Im still not even sure if thats safe.."

"Mmmh...🥺 ahrrah?"

"No, not even a tiny one."

"Mm...😔"

Until Logan grunts and pecks his hand. "There. Happy?"

"🙂‍↕️mh"

"Good."

Honestly Logan felt bad, pitited him. No matter what food he ate it wasnt enough substance to sustain him and sometimes Logan would wake up to find him eating a different zombie that made the mistake of trying to eat Logan.

You ever wake up in the morning, lose your zombie boyfriend, call for him only to walk outside and see him knawing on some poor chaps arm like a happy puppy who found a chicken leg? Logan has. Many times. And he wishes his phone would charge so he could take a picture of it but unfortunately theres no electricity in the post apocalypse world.

This being said Logan is like- THE perfect guy for apocalypse au because he can smell everything and hear anyone before they even get to you, he has better wilderness survival skills then anyone I know and he'll never NOT have a weapon on him because of his claws. The only downside is that he's tired easily, needs a lot of food, and would lowkey be withdrawing from his tabccao and alchool, therefore very moody.

"Stupid fucking apocalypse having to happen when im fucking alive!! Why can't I just NOT live through ONE major historical event! Is that too fucking much to ask? One damn decade where everything is fine and dandy and- WADE! Get your ass away from that!! It's radioactive!! For fucks sake!"

"Rahahrah?"

"NO!! You can not become Spiderman! That's not how that works!"

"Aawr..😔"

The whole thing is they're on a quest to find Laura and Gabby, because when everything went to shit, they were on a cabin trip and now Logans brain is itching because he dosn't know where his babies are and its driving him insane. Once he finds them, they're gonna shack up somewhere with food and animals to hunt, and hes gonna make a little shed outside for Wade to sleep because he'll kill him if he bites one of the girls.

He dosnt care that much about himself really and he hates himself deep down for not being able to trust wade anymore but even wade dosnt trust wade, sometimes wandering off on purpose, staying about 30 feet away from him at all times, growling and giving Logan that glazed over look of unconsiousness. The only good thing about this, though, is after he removes himself from the idea of hurting Logan (because if logaj were to become infected - HA! Your all fucked. Utterly fucked. The whole humanoid species would go extinct because he'd kill anything that moved) he feels more trusting of him and it's not uncommon for them to hug after either. Afterall Wade- Some how???- is still wade and is very affectionate and sensitive when its not returned.

This whole thing also makes him think worse about himself, kicking reflective objects or staring at himself in a shop window in utter shock and disgust with a face of 'thats me..?' While logans raiding the place for supplies.

Did you know zombies can cry? Well, Wade could. Not a lot, only able to get a bit of liquid from dehydration, but sometimes Logan will catch him just... sitting there.. crying. Upset with himself for being bit. Upset with himself for trying to bite logan all the time. Upset at how ugly he is. Upset that he's starving all the time. Upset that he can't even talk to anyone, and Logan just has to guess what he's saying 90% of the time. Bro is literally

When they DO find Laura and Gabby, the girls are doing great. Laura was going to blow wades head off until Gabby ran in the shot, hugging him instantly, only to be ripped away.

"Of course my dad is the weirdo married to a zombie." Laura grunts, but is secrelty happy that wade is still 'alive'

Gabby, being as young as she is, thinks it's so SICK that her dad is a zombie now, giggling when he talks to her and holding his hand. She's not allowed near him for long, and not at all by herself, but Gabby bassically becomes Wades number one supporter, defending him when he messes up and snaps at laura.

"He's just hungry!! He's not bad! It's not bad to be hungry!" She'll say. "You wouldn't kill me if I was hungry.." she tells her bigger, more survival oriented sister whos suggested putting wade out of his misery, for his own sake. "I tried that... he found me again 3 days later." Logan tells her with a pang in his chest. It had taken everything in him to kill him the first time, and sobbed himself to sleep the next 2 days. By the third when he noticed Wade following him from a distance he couldn't believe it.

Not even the apocalypse could keep them away from each other..

[floret-affini-research]

RESEARCH LOG 018

RESEARCHER M. Arum

AUDIO FILE DETECTED, LOADING TRANSCRIPT...

"Aaand bam! That's how you get the recorder active on this thing."

"Woaaaa, that's so cool! How'd you even get this thingy? It seems really old."

"Back on the vessel I was joining for a short time, there was a collection of older technology, pieces that were considered too broken or obsolete for anything other than scrap. I was able to put this one back together, so they let me keep it for this research project."

"Oooooo, so you're really pretty and hot and smart and good with your hands?~"

"S-stop trying to fluster me like that. In any case, it will be beneficial for you to keep all this information in mind. It may be needed if I am to become ill again."

"Hehehehehe, I wouldn't exactly say you got ill, just really really happy~"

"Ugh, please do not remind me."

"You mean about how you were really really loud and kept asking Mistress to say that magic word to make you feel all good and tingly? What was it again?~"

"I swear Marianna, if you were not the only company I can have at the moment I would tell you to leave my presence."

"Hehehehehe, I know you don't really mean that, otherwise you'd be all huffy instead of all red and silly."

"Th-that is besides the point. In any case, I am going to end the recording. Terminate au-"

"Oh oh! Can I say it this time?"

"Huh? I guess so, yeah"

"Hehehe, ok ok, but first~"

"Huh-!"

...

"Y-y-y-y-ou can't just kiss me like that outta nowhere! Ugh, now I've got saliva all over my chin."

"Hehehehe, but it's so much fun, isn't it? Especially since Mistress gave me a special little biomod for kisses~"

"Wh-what are you... talking... about..?"

"Mayyyybe just a little bit of a cocktail of your favorites~"

"Because you trust me far too much~"

"D-dammit Marianna... how did I let my guard dow-"

...

"St-stars, that is... strong... how'd I let my... guard down so much for you?"

"C-clearly I do indeed."

"Hehehe, want me to say your favorite word?~ I know the urge is burning inside you by now~"

"F-frost... I-I can't... focus... too cloudy"

"Don't you just want to let go?~ Don't you just want me to say it?~"

"I... swear I'm... gonna get you back... for this..."

...

"Y-you keep... making my head fuzzyyy"

"...unmake m-me... please... I don't want to... think anymore~"

"Well, you'll only get to have revenge after, so you may as well submit for now~ So, beg for it~"

...

"Hehehehe, such a good doll~ Now then...

FALL

Oh roots your so cute like this~ Just completely at my mercy to do with as I please~ But I know someone who'll love to see it even more~ Oh Mistress!~"

Yes my darling little Floret? Oh! It appears that you two are greatly enjoying each other's company~

"We really are Mistress, but I think this dolly is feeling kinda shy~ Can you give her a voice? I really really would love it~"

Oh my, a truly splendid idea my darling, it would be wonderful to hear this doll sing~

"I'm a good doll, I do as I'm told. I don't need to think. I want to be played with."

"Hehehehe, seems like she's enjoy this a looot~"

Oh very much so~ Would you like for me to let you play with your doll all on your own for now?~

"Yes please Mistress, I wanna see what fun new things I can make her do like this~"

Very well then, but if you over do it, then I may have to have two cute dolls on my mantle~

"Y-yes Mistress, I'll make sure to be careful, I promise!"

Very good, have fun my sweet little things~

"Hehehe, you hear that? I get to have all kinds of fun with you alllll to myself~ So, what does this cute dolly want me to do?~"

"Use me however you see fit. Dolls don't think. Dolls cannot choose. I'm a good doll."

"You really are the greatest dolly~ But I don't think I want you knowing just what I'll do with you~ Terminate audio recording~"

[larapaulussen]

[captain-astors]

Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)

[snixx]

you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum