#i am just capable of liking both
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I wanted to elaborate on that one post but decided it is too big so Imma post it separately xD
Remember the abysmal reaction to Hunting Palismen and because Hunter licked Luz's hand he is officially her brother and therefore is incest. And if you don't see them as siblings then it's still incest you are just fucked for not seeing OBVIOUS sibling vibes.
Well now almost the exact opposite is happening with King and Collector. Minus the harassment, guess they aren't as popular as lumity. thankfully
Before Collector and King got more screentime I've seen mostly displeasure towards the ship and how they are too young.(even though kids can have kid crushes but what do I want from fandom moralisers)
And after getting all the interactions and showing Collector bonding with Owl fam... suddenly people can't see them as siblings. And they are shipping them. You can throw your hands how it's qpr/soulmate/its own thing all you want, in it's core it's shipping. Putting two characters(or more) together in not familial and not platonic relationship, because what they have is separate and special. and its a you problem if you think that shipping is all about sex and not actually exploring qpr and everything else.
Ah the moralisation that works only on ships you don't like.
In this case fandom. Fandom decided with no actual proof that Hunter and Luz are siblings and started aggressively pushing on it(because if you don't shout in people's face how they are siblings, others won't know, which is pretty telling on the legitness).
But when two characters received way more possible 'family' material but the fandom is more interested in shipping them, then suddenly 'every interpretation matters'.
#the owl house#toh#shipping rant#the collector#king clawthorne#hunter deamonne#luz noceda#i don't mind the shipping#i think they are cute#i am just capable of liking both#while fandom cherry picks who is a 'family' and who is not harasses the chosen target#not that i am displeased that there is no(visible) harassment#just still salty over lunter treatment#i dont even ship them i too love them as family#but MAN fandoms aggressivness already turned me off a family concept i LOVED in other fandom
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I have finally finished 2.4 and oh my GOD watching Dan Heng be so protective of his friends nearly killed me, MY HEART.
And yes, the cutscene where he pushes the trailblazer out of the way and even cushions their fall with his own body, but I mean even before that! When he was already trying to protect them and March 7th from Feixiao and Lingsha!!
Because if you watch the dango trio throughout the main quest, you'll notice that they often position themselves in the same way, which is a detail that makes me super happy that Hoyo thought to include- when the three of them aren't evenly spaced, March 7th and the trailblazer tend to gravitate towards each other and stand very close together, frequently side-by-side. And by comparison, Dan Heng usually stands slightly away, and often even slightly behind them, where he can pull on their leashes to wrangle them keep an eye on them.
This is probably a habit learned through experience, since March 7th said during Belobog she is the "queen of unannounced disappearances" fjdksajfkldjsak
And of course at least a little bit of it is just done for like, aesthetic purposes. It's a video game. Things have to look nice for the player. The trailblazer and Dan Heng are the same height, March 7th is a bit shorter, and Yanqing is even smaller. It makes sense to have the trailblazer and Dan Heng stand on the ends, with March 7th and Yanqing in the middle, it just looks nicer and more balanced that way. But still! Even when they're accommodating for Yanqing in this quest, they still all arrange themselves the same way, almost every time!
But this changes after Dan Heng and Yanqing become suspicious of the visitors from the Yaoqing.
The dango trio still stand around relaxed and in their usual manner when they go to the artisanship delve and meet Skott,
but Dan Heng takes notice of Lingsha when she arrives, and he and Yanqing mentioned her specifically when discussing their worries.
Yanqing worrying so much about Jing Yuan got me right in the heart, he's such a good boy WEH
And when the four of them go out to the alchemy delve to meet Lingsha for tea, the pattern breaks. Suddenly Dan Heng is standing right up front, and even walks in and enters the scene before March 7th and the trailblazer to get to Lingsha before them. He stays a step in front of them the whole time, too.
And then when Dan Heng and the trailblazer have to go be interrogated by Feixiao! The same deal! Dan Heng walks in ahead of them and stays in front of them! Noticeably so! Enough that even Feixiao takes note and voices it!
Dan Heng is so so fiercely protective of his companions, and I love it, I adore hyper vigilance in the wake of trauma like this, I'm so excited to see what else he does in 2.5, I hope we either get to see him get fucked up or the trailblazer gets fucked up in his place, I wanna see them run through the meat grinder!!!
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr dan heng#dan heng#dancae#danstelle#he loves them so much wehhhhhh#(I know I threw in the ship tags but I mean that love romantically or platonically. tag this either way as you please)#but anyway not to mention the whole cutscene part and Dan Heng promising he wouldn't let them die before him#I could have screamed when I read that oh my GOD#Dan Heng. baby. honey. sweetiepie.#I am going to squish him#I wanna see him get a little freaked out about being stuck in the Shackling Prison again heehee#I hope we get to see his old cell at some point#looking at all this though like yeah no wonder Dan Heng immediately doesn't like Moze haha#Moze is capable of the bigger picture and of being objective. Dan Heng loses that ability when his friends are in danger.#It's just not something they can see eye-to-eye on.#Dan Heng and even the trailblazer both immediately see it as being cold and uncaring.#Moze: *breathes*#Dan Heng: I'm no cactus expert but this guy's a prick.#I love them both I hope they butt heads again later fjkldjaklfd#dango trio#Nameless trio#trailblazer trio#caelus#stelle#hsr caelus#hsr stelle#march 7th
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it's always super weird when you find out someone you thought you vibed with doesn't actually like you that much and really just tolerated you.
maybe it's just a neurodivergent problem. maybe normal people can always tell.
i can never tell. you talk to me a lot about our many shared interests, we hang out a lot, I thought we had chemistry, I felt comfortable with you and you never seemed uncomfortable with me, and you never told me I upset you...
but I guess I'm the idiot for being an open book and always telling people if they've done something I don't like. and for being willing to have hard conversations about boundaries from time to time.
my bad.
#gonna start lying like the rest of you#ah yes let me pretend i like you#im starting to think these kinds of people are just too insecure to shut down a friendship#like you just need to have friends to the point where you tolerate my existence#even tho i am offensive to your sensibilities#like come on bro#thats sad#just dump me#it wont bother me#not everyone is capable of tolerating me#thats alright#but say something you pussy#stop wasting both our times#pretending to be my friend hurts you more than me#i have real friends#i dont need parasitic pseudo friends who just need to feel wanted#im done with that#i know what a real friend looks like#youre not it and im not it for you either#i couldve been if you were honest#but people are not honest with others or themselves and thats what i hate most about people
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your fridge-build , original-red-and-purple-oufit magneto showed up in my dream yesterday and i was so unprepared it woke me up
reading this made me cackle for like a solid minute gjAELKGJAK he just wanted to say hi ....
leaving you with a fridge-magnet-sized magneto. so hopefully he can say hi again but less intimidatingly
#fave#i have to fave this i need to be reminded that this happened once in a while this is so funny#xmen#magneto#snap sketches#PLEASSEE THATS SO SILLY JVLKAJLKJ IM SORRY/YOURE WELCOME???#i dont think anyones ever dreamt of my art thats so silly and flattering#what was he doing ... what he just floating in the corner ..... please im still not over this its so funny ...#on that note tho im so bad at remembering dreams i never have them really#i used to have dreams a lot as a kid/teenager but they were mostly- if not all now that i think of it- nightmares#HOWEVER. i will say that like. a lil bit after i rewatched first class for the third time#i got a dream or two one with mcavoy and the other with film charles#the mcavoy dream was just that i met him in greece or something and i think the charles dream was at the school#they were both nice dreams so Am I Complaining absolutely not#just reminds me of the time when i binge watched an actor's movies and i had dreams of him for a whole week#in one of them he was making fun of me but it was in whatever semblance of japanese my brain could bs so it wasnt that bad#but it kinda was cause Since It Was A Dream i understood what he said but anwyays .... not important#THE OTHER DREAMS WERENT BAD THO he was my dad in one. aaand the other uhh.. i forget ...#i must stress me dreaming is such an oddity so these were so like. Oh Yeah Im Capable Of Dreaming JVLKAJK#very weird feeling waking up from a dream is what im tryna say .. i think ...#very funyn .... anyways i hope magneto visits you in your dreams again whether hes built like a semi or like a bug#just for the cosmic comedy of it all
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i think the thing to understand abt martha jones is that even after she leaves she is five seconds away from dropping everything and traveling with the doctor at any given time. bc that itch to blow everything up and damn her personal duty to hell in search of a higher call never leaves her. but martha is smart. and rational. and has spent a long fucking time needing to keep herself safe. (bc he comes when she calls but never before.) and so she has gotten very good at keeping herself on the right side of those five seconds. but i do think if ten was a different person (if he could acknowledge how much he needed her instead of just how much he liked her) (if he didn’t feel this righteous martyrdom when it comes to being left alone) (if he cared enough about her to beg. if he cared enough about himself.) i think that her answer no would come crumbling down pretty quickly is all.
#MARTHA JONES’ TWISTED SENSE OF DUTY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME#there is soo much nuance to this. obviously. and it really varies depending on when exactly in his run we’re talking#but me personally. i don’t think that martha was ever satisfied with the way things ended between them. i think she made peace with it!#but i don’t think she was satisfied and i don’t think she ever could be#which is also why i have slowly come around to her and mickey. even tho i think it IS very pair the spares in a way i don’t like#i do think they make sense together. in a genuine way and also in a you’re the closest i’ll get to what i want. you’re good on your own but#- you’re also the next best thing. and we don’t need to say this out loud bc we both know and it wouldn’t ruin anything by admitting it but#- it sure as hell wouldn’t feel good either#it’s not even like. directly about the doctor/rose here is the thing. it’s about the life he let them lead with him#which i guess is the crux of this. i think martha is capable of moving on from her Feelings for the doctor. but never her feelings about him#yknow. does that make sense. if anyone knows that the doctor is a symbol it’s martha#i don’t think she’s always in love with him. i think she was. tho my opinions on that r complicated hashtag tenmartha qpr BUT#but the IDEA of him? the idea which shaped her into a completely different person? i don’t think she will ever not want that back @ her core#she’s just too loyal to everyone besides herself to admit that. 😐#ok it’s 4 am i have been rambling abt this for fifteen minutes so sorry if it doesn’t make sense but i have FEELINGS ABT HER !!#ted talks#martha jones#doctor who
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and if i said that (I PERSONALLY) think that soukoku absolutely has the capacity to be a healthy relationship in future … would i be cooked
#bsd#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#skk#soukoku#emphasis on I PERSONALLY#i feel like the whole hatred and rivalry is greatly exaggerated. both from fans AND from those two themselves lmfao#esp after the recent chapters#where we see that they actually do just . calmly exist together#calmly as in calm with each other obviously they were stressed abt the fyodor thing#don’t get me wrong it definitely Hasn’t been healthy#but i think it has the potential to be#But whatever they actually do just hate each other and that’s all What an interesting dynamic#SKK HATERS AND MISUNDERSTANDERS DNI#i already know i am correct i am the only one capable of having correct opinioms abt these two
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cw: unbeta'd rambling once more, all mistakes are mine. vague references to true crime content, nothing graphic. just thinking of what would discomfort the charas, im basically throwing darts 🥴
i hc'd that kalim doesnt really get scared by ghosts and urban legends and to add onto that: i think kalim would be icked out by people with an interest in true crime.
like, the content hits uncomfortably close to his own encounters and some people frankly take a bit too much pleasure in going through all the gory details - wait, you're telling him there are people who fall asleep while listening to true crime podcasts?! on that note, some psychological thrillers (especially the 'adapted from true events' kind, compared to the 'dystopic social commentary' ones) would also fit into this category - just being plain uncomfortable to sit through, a movie/podcast/tv experience making him sick to his stomach.
i just think that kalim doesn't get the appeal at all, no matter the explanation. if someone tried to show him a few cases, he'd just be sitting in uncomfy silence.
(on the flipside, i think jamil hates horror movies with an abundance of jumpscares compared to slashers. he has an uncanny sense foretelling when they're gonna happen, but he still flinches during the actual jumpscare. bonus points if a fakeout is good, u get to see his soul jump out of his body twice.
on the topic of true crime, jamil just doesn't vibe with it, especially when it's not well-researched and/or poorly handled in its delivery. and like, he's already gotten the fearmongering-type of warnings* from the adults in his life plenty of times. he doesn't want to see it packaged in a spooky, edgy, internet detective-way, but he's more rational? understanding? of its appeal to others.)
#not to say that kalim is immune to jumpscares!#if he was really caught unaware he'd jump out of his skin he's human after all#but he doesn't get those post-horror movie scares while walking down a dark hallway#he's not scared of the shadow man chasing u up the stairs when u turn off the lights#yes im saying that kalim is the chara to pick as ur company when going through a spooky house if ur sensitive to vibes#the ghosts cant get u when u have litral sunshine by your side#technically jamil is more capable but ur both gonna be on edge until ur absolutely sure there is no danger to be wary of#(even if its jus as simple as goin home from watching a horror movie. its the jamil brand of overprotection/overbearingness/etc)#i think kalims a diff flavor of vigilant for intruders and people who Should Not Be in the vicinity#*on that note about parents fearmongering their kids! i like to think tht they were both heavily subjected to it lmao (tots not projecting)#not just in terms of their safety but also in terms of their health (yes i am hcing that the scarabia boys are 2 flavors of hypochondriacs)#dellet-asides#kalim al asim#jamil viper#twisted wonderland headcanon#twisted wonderland#twst#twst headcanon#dellet-writings
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Xena Warrior Princess 3x07 The Debt (2)
You mean that I should serve someone who hates me. More than that, you need to serve someone you hate. I'd rather die. You've been a dead woman for a long time now Xena, I'm offering you the chance to live.
#xena warrior princess#xwpedit#xenaedit#wlwedit#wlwsource#tvedit#dailyflicks#xena*#gif*#I am 100% on the xena/gabrielle train bc duh but man I LOVE xena's relationship with lao ma and I wish we'd seen more of it in the series...#lao ma being xena's first turning point and helping her gain her consciousness back etc is so important to me...#lao ma is described as both soft and hard and that's exactly what xena needed and yeah she loved her and admired her so much to the point#that she felt indebted to her#xena in the debt ep series is lit like that meme that's like#If Lao Ma has a million fans then I am one of them. If Lao Ma has ten fans then I am one of them. If Lao Ma has only one fan then that is me#If Lao Ma has no fans then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against Lao Ma then I am against the world.#anyway I just love it - I just love the idea that dark xena came around to the point of wanting to serve this woman simply because she#believed in her and in how much of a good influence she could be 'I have been blessed or cursed to see into the souls of others. You don't k#know it yet Xena but you're a remarkable woman capable of greatness'#LIKE....... idk it just makes me insane the unconditional support the unconditional love.... anyways
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Whatever....
Plus some other doodles! Not super in-depth, I didn't set out to think too deeply about it... but the Idle pose is what it would look like on the main menu/other areas where the sprites are relaxed, and the Battle Ready pose is the little animation the characters go into on a map. (The first drawing was meant to be the Battle Ready one, but! Changed my mind.)
I think the idea of Moe swapping expressions between the main poses is really cute, ESP if the expressions are opposites. Like you see characters go from a serious expression into an >:0 expression (and similarly, a smile into :D ), but I'm not sure if there's any that go from smiling to frowning/pouting... I really like the characterization of it, actually. Beyond how expressive it is in general, on a conceptual level, Moe is about balancing (if not mishmashing) opposite traits.
Any which way, the drawing I colored in is Exactly what I was envisioning for a Moe sprite! Which. I kind of alluded to w my attempt at a sprite edit (separate post). Moe would need a whole ass custom sprite. From its outfit to its pose (doesn't quite match Kiran's/the other Summoners you can pick from!). Plus, it's a staff user who has a tendency to do raptor hands (or ghost sleeves, or gay limp wrist......). I feel like its sprite would be smaller than the standard Summoners, too. Like Legendary Nohrian Corrin (being oddly smaller than all the other f!Corrins!)
I am... thinking deeply about it........
#feh#summoner oc#it was REALLY hard to choose between a laid-back smile or the pumpkaboo pout for its resting face#both of those expressions are very moe. ultimately though i DO like the flip between silly into serious#trust. moe is still scared. HOWEVER. it needs to be a somewhat capable fighter... eventually......#i am. VERY tempted to just keep going. like what would its action animation be... attacking/supporting#i think it's the same between staff sprites. would have to study it a bit#but to be so real i'm just procrastinating. i'm just fucking around. i have half a mind to start another stupid project#which wouldn't be as intensive as the other shit i got going on. but to be so real i am just avoiding things LMFAOOO#LIKE. I KNOW I'LL HAVE FUN. I KNOW I WILL. but i need a little downtime... esp recently#i had kind of a rough one off my meds. it always is but like. damn. having the self-awareness really does not always save you.#moe tag#my art
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Being in the middle of two sisters, Cassandra never catches a break.
When it’s about getting things done, it’s always “the older two” which means her and Bela.
When she gets into all kinds of trouble with Daniela it’s always “the younger two”.
In one instance, Daniela is excluded, and in the other Bela is excluded. Her? She is always there and she’s never excluded from either responsibility or mischief.
#headcanon#house dimitrescu#cassandra dimitrescu#daniela dimitrescu#bela dimitrescu#alcina dimitrescu#resident evil village#resident evil 8#re8#it’s that middle child curse#being the sassy gremlin that she is she actually brings it up to her mama#like make up your mind which one am i#alcina just looks at her and tells her that she is BOTH depending on the situation#there is just no way out of it#when mama says she’s responsible then she is responsible#but then mama says she’s a troublemaker with Daniela and she immediately gets demoted to younger child with her little sister#there is no escape#she sulks and complains tho#which makes Alcina amused because her very capable daughter is acting the opposite of what she is claiming#but nah mama knows how make her feel better so it’s all forgotten about very quickly
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I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize
#im in sm stress#if i dont score above 75% im not eligible for my neet exam#which im planning to take a drop year for#and its gonne be both expensive and emotionally taxing#and i have to give THIS years neet exam too#for reasons#im not in the clear until may 20#adulthood is a scam#And that is well BEFORE i even start preparing for neet#well before i even have to consider the possibility that i might not get in#im pretty much using this post to vent in tags#its like 4 am#and im stressed. scared. everything#its really difficult just existing w adhd and mental illness#much less studying#and neet is like highly competetive#the cutoff goes so high#i want to get out of this city#and be safe and actually be alive for once#a big part of me will shrivel up and die if i stay#and this is the first time i've actually wanted smth for real#tentatively and doubtfully#but wanting still#and idk if i'll make a good doctor or if i'll fuck up and have it all blow up in my fsce#overthinking basically#im worried im not. capable of doing this#anyways desi tumblrinas where are you😭😭😭😭
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Nimona AU where Ballister is a villain but like, he's not even really that evil, like, at all. He's just, really bad at being a Villain.
And him and his "Nemesis" have the worst relationship, meaning that they have a great relationship because they don't even actually hate each other like Nemesis' are supposed to.
V!Ballister, doing an 'evil' monologue: Well well well, sir Goldenloin, it has been quite some time since we've last- What's wrong?
Ambrosius, whose face was scrunched a bit: Huh? Oh, it's nothing, these ropes on my wrists are just- they're burning and itching is all- you can keep-
V!Ballister, panicking and running over: Really?! Oh Ambrosius you've been here for hours! Why didn't you say anything sooner?! Are they too tight? Is it this new brand? I told Nimona not to get these ones but no-
*cue to Ambrosius staring fondly at Ballister as he continues to ramble about never buying this specific set of ropes again*
Half the time Ambrosius doesn't even know why he's fighting the guy, like, The Director is all "He's the personification of an Evil Villain" at Ballister and Ambrosius is staring at the same guy seeing him help a little girl get her kitten out of a tree and give a good bit of the money he stole to people in need and points at him like "Really????? "
#nimona#nimona 2023#nimona movie#Ambrosius questions the Director so much when it comes to Ballister#Nimona he's a little more inclined to believe because she's basically chaos- but even then he hasn't seen her ACTUALLY do something BAD#but Ballister himself is like- trying to be a villain with Nimona-#(and has the means for it I mean- c'mon he's a genius who can fight and has a kickass sidekick)#- But he's just- so bad at actually being bad.#he's very much capable of commiting crimes and doing villainous acts but other then that the guy is so wet cat and actually super nice#the people still 'fear' him as a villain because of the Institute and their propaganda and the other Hero's hate him#(because he's beaten them all before in battle- and wins every time)#but Ambrosius is the only one who's genuinely kind to him because he doesn't actually see him as a villain#kinda wanted to Uno Reverse Card things- so they both like each other but Am is so oblivious to Bal's advances-#even when he's being painfully obvious#like- it's not a 'we can't date cuz we're on opposite sides' thing- it's a:#'I really like him but he probs doesn't feel the same cuz we're on opposite sides' thing#okay so like- looking at it better now- yeah this is defs comic × movie now so#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#nimona comic#cuz like- they do give off those vibes#but in my head this Amb is still his movie personality and nice#with a mix of 'wake up don't believe everything this bitch is saying' juice#and as dumb/af comic Amb#like at some point Bal requires his help to get rid of admirers and is like 'I could use something cute on my arm to turn them away'-#and Am is like '... you could always use a nice handbag. You can borrow one of mine if you don't have one- or! I saw this really nice one'-#and Bal is just staring at him like 'Gloreth he's so dumb i can't not have him'#and he mentions that he meant a cute PERSON on his arm but Am is still like 'Oooh... uhm- I have this one friend- they might help if i ask'#and Bal just goes 'YOU! I MEANT YOU YOU ADORABLY DUMB TWINK OF A HIMBO! I COULD USE YOU NEXT TO ME TO FEND THEM OFF!'
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it’s so weird to think that ryuji was only a major character in one canon game. like he’s such a strong character with such a strong personality it doesn’t feel like he was only prominent in one canon game at ALL. he feels almost as ever-present and beloved as someone like daigo and yet he’s basically never even mentioned after kiwami 2. that’s so crazy to me.
#am I saying bring ryuji back? yes. end of statement#same goes for mine to a slightly lesser degree. and somehow yokoyama agrees with me on both of these I think#I am biased in a way because I am one of the few who has been lucky enough to play dead souls but. yeah#those two are also just good examples of antagonists that are almost comically malicious but still somehow have depth under the surface#and redeemability. in a way. not saying mine bulldozing an orphanage is Forgivable im saying he Did start to have a change of heart at the#end of y3 so he’s Capable of change and whatnot. and ryuji’s just a bully who takes his feelings out on other people usually physically#like he’s very much a teenage bully in the body of a gigantic adult man.#cause he never had to grow out of that. no one challenged him/his views/etc enough to do so. until the end of yk2#AND IN DEAD SOULS ITS JUST A FACT THAT HES GROWN AS A PERSON AND MATURED.#it’s somehow a DRASTIC difference in personality from him in yk2 and yet still believable because of how much in his life had to change#and because he is like. the adult version of the previous ryuji. I know ryuji was already 30 in yk2 but you get my point. he wasn’t grown up#not really. (same goes for daigo- they’re such obvious foils for one another it’s so interesting and I wish it was explored more but ANYWAY)#ryuji#yk2#rambling
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Hmmm I do enjoy the large amounts of feral toxic and obsessive violence flavors of durgetash around but its not my preference, like. I crave the 'horrible awful worst people youve ever met are soft for (ONLY) eachother' dynamic. What if, given the opportunity, they really WOULD rule together side by side, and they really do secretly and shamefully yearn for that comfort together. What if they almost indulge in it sometimes. AAAAAAAAAA
I really love the star-crossed lovers, forbidden romance, mutual yearning, tragedy of the only person to ever know you, and even openly like you being a temporary co-conspirator but ultimately your sworn enemy you you know you must kill.
Maybe it's just circumstantial. Maybe in another life you really would have hated him, or worse, had no feeling towards him either way at all, but that's not your reality. Your reality is that he's the ONLY ONE that offers you a painful glimpse of normalcy. Or as close to normal as someone like YOU could get. And it's so tempting (comforting even? Is that comfort?) That you can't ignore it. No matter how much guilt and shame it brings, no matter how much fear you hold towards your Father. You can control your urges, but not this? This feeling, this longing is stronger than even your deepest nature as child of Bhaal, so much so that you can't control it. So you ask for forgiveness instead. With promises that in the end, the result will be the same. You will kill him all the same. He will die at your hand, before only you, yourself.
You justify it this way. To the temple. To Father. To yourself.
Death is the only way this could end anyway. Because could you really go on living the way it was before? Before being known, accepted, liked as you were?
#gortash#bg3#durge#good this isn't even getting into HIS mind about it. but it's just as asdfhhbkvfgjkjfhh to me. very similar form of fucked up comfort.#just a different angle#they are both traumatized your honor. let them find real solace in eachother. even if it's mostly suffocated by fear and guilt#I'm all for knife and blood kinks but i don't think that's like. what they'd WANT the relationship to be#i think it would manifest that way because of how fucked and tense the situation is#but if they somehow both ascended to godhood &were free of their burdens what if they allowed themselves to finally b fully soft w eachothr#durgetash#durges prayer and gortash's creased book are driving me insane. insane. insane. how am i supposed to live like this#to each their own of course btw! i just crave the awful and irideemable being capable of and seen as worth of love and comfort
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really starting to believe that psychic who claimed i’m cursed
#like absolutely NOTHING goes right in my life#i have no friends no social life no partner have never been in a relationship even though i’m almost 30#i still live at home my job has horrible working hours and makes me absolutely miserable#like i can’t name you a single thing that goes right in my life i’m so far behind everyone#i wasted so many years studying and i’ve got nothing to show for it i’m a pathetic excuse of a human#i really wish i could give my life to someone who deserves it way more than me someone who really wants to live#the psychic claimed that my ex best friend’s mother cursed me#and i do find it somewhat silly to blame everything that goes wrong in my life on someone else or outer forces#but our friendship ended VERY poorly and her mother absolutely hated me by the end of it#so it honesty doesn’t seem too far fetched#bc ever since we went our separate ways which i never regretted btw i’ve just been struggling to survive#like if i’m honest i’m intelligent i’m capable i’m pretty i’m kind i’m funny but my whole life is a struggle#i know that my depression anxiety and overall low self esteem closes a lot of doors for me#but it’s just insane how unlucky i am like it can’t be a coincidence anymore#it’s just so heartbreaking when all your efforts are in vain like i try sooooo hard but it’s never enough#the psychic claimed the mother put a curse on me that basically blocks all roads for me#and like i said i haven’t had success or happiness in both my personal and professional life#it feels like every time i take step forward i take 3 back#good things never stay for long and bad things are so excruciatingly bad it’s unbearable#i’m just exhausted with everything… life shouldn’t be so fucking difficult wether it’s a curse or not#i know i also have many things to be thankful for but it seems like all the important milestones are eluding me#☁️
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Crowdsourcing a question
Okay totally personal post here because, now that search engines suck, my research is failing me. So I'm crowdsourcing my question about the residential care work industry!
Hoping at least some of my followers have experience in/with the industry and some intel on this:
Actual question: How common is it for jobs in residential care work (residential centers, btw, not home care) to actually have two people on the night shift? vs. just saying they always have two people on the night shift in interviews and their official policies, and actually it's not true?
Because my current job was, it turns out, apparently totally lying about "you'll never be on shift alone with clients" at orientation (when it comes to the night shift, anyway). Which, holy fucking safety issues, Batman!
Suffice to say this was a very fun thing to find out like three days before my first regular shift
So, I'm thinking realllll hard about switching companies, and I'm trying to figure out if I could expect to actually have a coworker at a different company, or if it's like an open secret in the field that actually, basically all the night shifts end up being solo shifts, because the industry is so chronically understaffed or w/e
#not news#ask#me#ideally only answer if you actually have specific knowledge of or experience with the industry#technically I'm working with disabled clients but also open to other sectors of residential care work if I do get another job#so if it's something that differs by sector please do let me know!#thanks so much#safety issues are for both me and the clients btw#this is not like “I'm afraid of the clients” in any way#it's about the fact that if something happened and I got hurt#I am the only staff in that whole house until morning#and there is MAYYYYYYYBE one client who is actually physically capable of calling for help#if I can't for whatever reason#also!!! this is an incredibly vulnerable client population with horrifyingly high abuse statistics!!#they should not be leaving someone they literally just hired completely alone with the clients every night for eight hours???#not gonna give more details for many obvious reasons#but like. just. no. don't do that. no.#in any residential care work facility imho but ESPECIALLY in this type of facility#also like if a client has a medical emergency#you're really gonna want both someone who can render aid AND someone who can call 911 and the on-calls and such#and yes the chaos and “surprises” around this job and scheduling is why I haven't been doing original posts lately#so answering also helps me get back to doing that sooner!
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