#i am going to pass away now i think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

calkale · 3 months

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the birthday boy (bradley)!!

#i love drawing bradley 😭😭😭🥹🥹#i am going to pass away now i think #top gun #top gun maverick #pete maverick mitchell #bradley rooster bradshaw #calkaleart

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watchingwisteria · 9 months

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aziraphale, the one who gave the first human exiles his flaming sword as both a source of protection and warmth, who did not look on them as sinners deserving of destruction but people entitled to the best chances possible, has never once looked at crowley, a heavenly exile, with anything other than compassion and a desire to protect. from their first meeting, he never wanted anything bad to happen to him. when crowley slithers up to him in eden, he treats him like an equal rather than an adversary. when crowley appears, his eyes fill with love and excitement, his gaze turns soft and hesitant, his whole body seizes with joy of seeing him. crowley might typically the one to seek him out, but aziraphale has always welcomed him home.

#aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #good omens #I AM WRITING THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY FIC 😈#they make me so……#the ex christian in me turns to a rabid dog when i think abt them #they both love each other with that christian ideal agape love #the kind that would sacrifice itself for the other #to love is to will the good of the other and all that #i just love and adore them both ok u will never catch slander against EITHER of them from me #tags added later :#is now a bad time to mention i think go3 will be #aziraphale realizing that crowley is his home and he was crowley’s #like heaven is not going to be as he imagined it #and he’ll realize being head archangel can change nothing #and ooooh that homecoming.. for both of them….#well i expect to be in tears that’s all i’ll say #IT HAS TO END WELL THO or may actually unfortunately have to pass away on the spot

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superstarcadet · 2 months

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Here it is! The seventh and final day (and once again belated) of my comic for @byler-week!

I am deeply going to miss working on this series, but am beyond happy for it to be done and posted! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for sticking around and I--once again--thank the Byler Week team for putting this challenge together. It was an event that I will never forget. I hope you all enjoyed reading my take on the prompts just as much as I did making them! 💚💛💙

Day Seven Prompts were: Empty, Arrive, D&D, Blue/Yellow Color Scheme

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six

#cadetart #now you may be wondering #what am I going to do now that byler week is over?#well #im gonna pass out #play katamari damacy #and think about byler until my brain melts away :-)#byler #bylerweek #bylerweek2024 #byler nation #byler fanart #stranger things #mike wheeler #will byers

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syncopatedid · 13 days

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Obligatory kkhai 0910 day mini toast to the best running boys but also because the Blue Ray DVD premium box set I've ordered in since late June at fire sale prices muahaha finally made its way home after one heck of a long trip via sea shipping... but talk about perfect timing for its arrival! Please hold while I yell into the universe a bit あああああああ～. The website says they're going to discontinue this set soon, which means not only do I have an official sub AND dub copy now, it's going to become "rare goods" in due time? Nice.

p.s: I... don't have a Blue Ray player btw, haha!

#kazetsuyo #My fandom let me show you it #It's my tumblr and I'll cry if I want to #Thinking out loud #Since I have no blue ray player I am in no hurry to open the packaging actually I am just gonna hoard it away like a hamster lmao #Centuries from now someone is going to excavate my site and find this DVD in pristine condition and this is how I will pass history on lol #Yes I am still here

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welcometoteyvat · 1 year

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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse #if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY #now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default #also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet #subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate #also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him #too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed #listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci #jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person #plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing #also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving #the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female #mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3 #the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting #tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO #ramblings!#zhongxiao #if you want to filter it out ??

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chappellrroan · 8 months

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the family drama is about reach it's peak

#so like. dadi passed away i mean i hated that woman ofc so i am conflicted about it #plus she was old anyways but now mom's crying and dad has to leave tomorrow and there are no flights available #and i can hate him but that was still his mom i can't and don't want to imagine what must be going through his mind rn #and his siblings are pieces of shit no parental grandparents means they'll now talk about property and shit #it's already been so messy nobody talks to anyone anyways but now they'll have to face each other #99 percent sure mom is not taking us even if she has to go and hundred percent sure none of this will be peaceful #i just feel weird atp cause i hate her but this is terrible terrible time for her to go #anyways i will just switch off my brain and not think #mine #tw death

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tamagotchikgs · 14 days

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having perhaps a full anxiety attack over that email i dont know why i responded i cant work a job i cant do any of it i am so weak i can barely get down the stairs i am so ugly i am so bad at talking i am so Scared. i am just filled w dread i want to hide i want it gone i Cant Breathe

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the--days · 1 month

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so it's like this.

you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.

And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--

and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.

And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.

And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.

#dnd #dungeons & dragons #ttrpg #you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character #the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her #and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal #like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like #ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe #only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in #the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though #you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself #away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my #friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this #and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign #it's alive!#harris #fisher

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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months

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hmm i think i am not coping. very well

#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore #i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care #and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that #july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing #i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before #but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it #nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i #truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have #ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting #i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e #even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining #i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds #despite knowing a community of some kind would help #but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not #i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either #i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place #ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you #cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that #it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore #not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted #idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming #dlt ltr

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iniziare · 2 months

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Tag drop: Seele (Honkai: Star Rail). Listen, I used to write her and I miss her a bit, and also: there's Belobog people around. And also, well, she's much more interesting than people give her credit for. Also, prepare for some 'rewriting', because Belobog's pacing in specific ways kind of blew a little bit much.

#seele. [ we tell them “things will be better tomorrow.” everyone knows it's a lie; but it gets them to sleep with some hope. ]#seele: ic. [ he always says “humanity's endless conflicts”; but you don't get peace by offering everything up on a silver platter. ]#seele: inquiries. [ that's not the only thing you won't have heard of down here; princess. ]#seele: countenance. [ to all those thugs and gangsters in the underworld; i'm like a spectre always haunting them. ]#seele: introspection. [ the chief's right. sometimes a sharp blade is the only way to get people to come to their senses. ]#seele: meta. [ she got used to people losing their homes. and she got used to people losing their lives. but crying alone was useless. ]#seele: little notes. [ they only eat half their meal; throw the rest away. do they know people below haven't got enough food to eat? ]#seele: wishes. [ where there's hope: there's the will to fight. ]#seele: etc. [ a young girl smiles subtly. “how? right here; right now; i am alone… but it feels... very lively.” ]#seele: underworld. [ what's more important than miracles; seele. is to protect people's hopes for miracles. ]#seele: overworld. [ oleg saw how a look of gloom passed over her tender face. “let's go back. i don't want to come back here again.” ]#seele: sampo. [ wildfire has countless issues on its place right now. we don't need a side order of koski. ]#seele: sampo. [ so we're there; now it's real. now that you have me; do you want me still? ] inominati.#seele: bronya. [ they go their separate ways: one stepping into the light; and the other into the shadows. until one day; they meet again.#seele: natasha. [ i learned quickly that tantrums won't get you anywhere. she knows how to give you a taste of your own medicine. ]#seele: oleg. [ i probably owe my life to the chief. ]#seele: hook. [ don't let her appetite for chaos fool you; i think that kid's going places. ]#seele: v. youth. [ everyone in the dark side of town knew that fearless homeless girl. everyone wanted to avoid that wild; stubborn rascal.#seele: v. underworld. [ just what we all need: more lies about a world that never was and never will be. ]#seele: v. present. [ can you imagine the consequences if we told the people what happened here? they'd be devastated. ]#seele: v. future. [ ... priorities? what do you mean? are you saying rebuilding the underworld isn't one of your “priorities”? ]

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bibleofficial · 3 months

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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭

#diary #i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY #‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w #the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just #girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY #i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA #LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent #tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish #the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT #i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just #learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the #Context & what’s being Said #ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re #all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i #pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i #walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE #like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past #girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans #ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks #it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting #we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY #bring lunch whatever #i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET #i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND

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dirt-str1der · 11 months

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Thinking nonstop and reflecting on my past and the people i have talked with whom i now hate. Badly

#Listen to my problems #this is a vent post ->#i cannot believe she had the gall to text me out of nowhere and then delete her text like girl now i am thinking of how much i dislike you #and how worthless you are. like ok. at least you knew to go away #like somewhere out there im certain you will be someones favourite person but i wish you were dead #theres always a word i use when talking about my least favourite person and it is worthless #crazy how a person in real life can have 0 redeeming qualities and not just negative rizz but also be pathetic beyond measure #do you ever think of people you talk to because of circumstance and you get kind of close and you have way more contact than you would like #and you end up hating them so much because you were kind of close. like yeah if we met in passing i would not have despised you #but now i know how its like to be your friend and it is the worst experience of my life #like if we really hadnt talked. if we hadnt shared minimum 2 interests that was a gateway to me learning about the rest of you that is #completely terrible. AND liking the things i like and making it bad is like 😟 how can you like this piece of media if you like it shittily #how do you like the same things as me but in a way completely divorced from the thing itself my god you dont even deserve to be gutted #i understand exile as a punishment now. like no way im using up my state’s resources and facilities for you just get out of here

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piplupod · 3 months

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it will feel worth it in a few days, it will not be so crushing forever, things will feel tolerable again, you are just hypersensitive to any abuse you are experiencing right now as if you are an open wound but it will be scabbed over again soon and you will be able to deal with the cruelty again, this is just like every other month, it will end and you do not have to be the one to forcibly end it. things won't be okay but they will be mostly tolerable. and that is enough to keep clinging onto the small scrap of life you currently have in your hands because you sure do make the most out of that little ragged scrap !!!!

#and perhaps one day i can mend the scrap and attach it to another rag and then another until i have a threadbare quilt.#but thats far too hopeful a dream to have and it hurts too much right now but its there for when i can bear it again #right now i just have to get through the day and then the next until this has passed and i can tolerate the Everything again #i wish i didnt live here i wish my mother was not so cruel i wish i had sympathy i wish i had kindness i wish i had respect #i wish i had understanding i wish i had love i wish i had safety. but i dont. so i need to be okay with it.#put all the Wanting away until it is bearable again. put all the Needs away until they can be filled.#you are not hungry if you cannot bring yourself to eat much. you are not scared if you cannot find safety.#you are not hurt if you cannot help the hurting. put it away and do not feel any of it. you will get through to the other side.#i am going to go draw fdsjkl i am tired of thinking #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #abuse tw

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daz4i · 1 year

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hate when i vent abt my pain and ppl tell me "everyone has stomach aches, it's normal" okay but are their pains bad enough to make them cry or unable to stand..... at least once a week...... bc i think that if this was normal society might've collapsed by now. but what do i know

#at least I'm on the way to get another test to see if it really is crohn's or not :')#my other tests came out negative but the last doctor i saw said it's worth checking again :')#bc. he claims. you're never gonna guess it. these pains are NOT normal ✨️ who could've thought!#sorry for the bitterness. as you may be able to infer from this i am in severe pain and having a hard time standing up or moving at all #btw through this doctor i went to i found out i actually had internal inflammation back in 2018 too and i was just. never told abt it.#like i was in the hospital and they ran a test but bc it was for smth else they didn't think to point it out??#why do i have to learn 5 years later that i had smth wrong with me that probably got worse with time and that's why I'm like that now 😭😭😭#(i wanna apply good faith to this. they probably thought it was a result of my other stomach issues so it'll pass once they do.#but like. if it really didn't go away and in fact got worse with time. i feel like i have the right to blame them yknow?)#vent #possibly a tmi one idk ajskflglh #sorry. i am very tired

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philsmeatylegss · 1 year

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Today is like the last hot-ish day (not hot is wearing leggings without sweating) and good timing because girlie is having body issues more than normal

#I say more than normal because there has not been a moment that has passed since age 13 that I have not had body issues #it’s okay you can laugh it isn’t tragic when you think about it for too long because of the fact I was a child and so fucked up I was #was starving myself lololol #don’t even get me started on how I wanted to kms and was sh constantly when I was 14 and that truly just is devasting purely just tragic and #a waste of life lolololol #and it doesn’t matter how healthy I am now or how healthy I will get #I will never be normal #childhood trauma fucking rewired your brain in a way I cannot change ever lololol #no matter what restrictive ED’s don’t fully go away lololol #I want to have a healthy relationship and learn what love looks like and what healthy fights and proper communication looks like #but all I bring to the table is a shattered glass that I taped back together so like I can still hold water and I’m a whole glass but I will #always need this tape to keep me from breaking and I will always have cracks no matter what #wow this was a random rant😭😭#rae’s rambles #delete later

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orcelito · 5 months

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Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

#speculation nation #'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain #frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches #(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week)#then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up.#and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So #in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those.#what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells #i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong.#but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden #i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches #all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick.#im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out.#havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling #and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now #idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it.#i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live.#im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired.#give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭#i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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