#i am going to pass away now i think
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the birthday boy (bradley)!!
#i love drawing bradley 😭😭😭🥹🥹#i am going to pass away now i think#top gun#top gun maverick#pete maverick mitchell#bradley rooster bradshaw#calkaleart
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aziraphale, the one who gave the first human exiles his flaming sword as both a source of protection and warmth, who did not look on them as sinners deserving of destruction but people entitled to the best chances possible, has never once looked at crowley, a heavenly exile, with anything other than compassion and a desire to protect. from their first meeting, he never wanted anything bad to happen to him. when crowley slithers up to him in eden, he treats him like an equal rather than an adversary. when crowley appears, his eyes fill with love and excitement, his gaze turns soft and hesitant, his whole body seizes with joy of seeing him. crowley might typically the one to seek him out, but aziraphale has always welcomed him home.
#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#I AM WRITING THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY FIC 😈#they make me so……#the ex christian in me turns to a rabid dog when i think abt them#they both love each other with that christian ideal agape love#the kind that would sacrifice itself for the other#to love is to will the good of the other and all that#i just love and adore them both ok u will never catch slander against EITHER of them from me#tags added later :#is now a bad time to mention i think go3 will be#aziraphale realizing that crowley is his home and he was crowley’s#like heaven is not going to be as he imagined it#and he’ll realize being head archangel can change nothing#and ooooh that homecoming.. for both of them….#well i expect to be in tears that’s all i’ll say#IT HAS TO END WELL THO or may actually unfortunately have to pass away on the spot
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Here it is! The seventh and final day (and once again belated) of my comic for @byler-week!
I am deeply going to miss working on this series, but am beyond happy for it to be done and posted! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for sticking around and I--once again--thank the Byler Week team for putting this challenge together. It was an event that I will never forget. I hope you all enjoyed reading my take on the prompts just as much as I did making them! 💚💛💙
Day Seven Prompts were: Empty, Arrive, D&D, Blue/Yellow Color Scheme
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six
#cadetart#now you may be wondering#what am I going to do now that byler week is over?#well#im gonna pass out#play katamari damacy#and think about byler until my brain melts away :-)#byler#bylerweek#bylerweek2024#byler nation#byler fanart#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers
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Girl help my brain won't brain AGAIN
#i'm trying to figure out some publishing related stuff#but i'm worried that i don't understand it and am not getting it right#and i just. can't think right now#and i know this is weird but i SWEAR it's partially because of the news about maggie smith passing away#obviously i never met her or anything but i still feel weirdly intensely sad about it#i don't know. i just kinda feel like crying kinda wanna hide under a blanket all day#kinda wish i had the capacity to be a functional adult#that sort of thing#probably going on a little walk or something will fix me#but also i just don't want to do anything and at the same time i NEED to do something#because also anxiety my old friend and sitting still does not really help with that#okay venting done#time to do...something else. idk what
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s5 episode 19 thoughts
last night’s episode had me singing. clapping my hands together and rejoicing. doing a little twirl, even. so i wonder where we will go from here?
if i may be so bold as to venture a guess: i would say a two parter leaving on a cliff hanger that is resolved by the movie?
hmm. i would be happy to be wrong, but we shall see.
post episode thoughts: i think i need to ponder this one for a few months and get back to you. there were things i liked, and other things that frustrated me, which i ended up spending quite a bit of time analyzing. still, i do not mean to be a total hater; my heart was melting at the hospital scene!!!
anyway, back to me from yesterday!
let's read the episode description... mulder is taken hostage?!?! oh, is scully going to go berserk? i am willing to see this. HOWEVER, i would prefer if my boy was left unharmed. maybe the captor will be polite. his poor finger probably still hurts!!!
but, a mulder kidnapping arc is good for me, because i believe being a damsel in distress ought to be a gender neutral role. so let’s see what we have going on
(and the episode is called folie a deux… shoutout to the best fall out boy album)
what if your job was to type into a blocky white computer and call people all day? this could be you, but it is the case for this man, named gary.
he is talking to an uninterested man about siding, and then auto calling someone else. i know these callers well. they plague my job.
an insect is here too, but we don’t have to worry about that. surely the sound design team did not put that in there purposefully for me to notice /s
gary is nervous as he makes another call and hears more insects. i don’t like this. wait, have i seen things about this episode before….?
BUG GUY????
gary is shaking with fear. WHAT IS HERE? the bug guy?!?!
(loud cheering as the intro plays)
short intro….. i clock thee once again
skinner time!!! my heart rejoices at this. why does he have multiple globes in his office? and some books and what looks like trophies under his bill clinton portrait. i wonder if he plays around with them.
agents mulder and scully are here!!!
uh oh… are they in trouble?!?!
they need to go to chicago to conduct a threat assessment. mulder wants to know why them. “because i prefer you did” <- ohhh yeah, give him the “i told you so” reasoning, skinner 🔥🔥
BAHAHA mulder picks up that the manifesto has “bizarre undertones” right away, which i think is a great way of describing something. and it speaks of a monster stalking employees!! augh. i hope the monster at least allows the workers their legally required breaks.
(scully looks frustrated)
(mulder nods) "monsters. i’m your boy" <- LMAOOOOO STOPPPPPP WHY IS HE LIKE THIS I’M CRYINGGGG
he’s angry!!! he thinks skinner is mad at him
“have i finally reached that magic point in my career where every time somebody sees bigfoot or the virgin mary on a tortilla, i get called out of my basement ward to offer my special insight on the matter?” <- oh. oh. i’m laughing, but i do feel a little bad. yeah buddy. that is kind of how you make a living. said with kindness though.
(i know he wants to genuinely know the Truth and find the answers and save his loved ones and learn the mystical secrets of the universe, and that there is angst in this genuine belief being misconstrued as the bigfoot guy, but you can see why such a mistake could get made when he is. you know. the way he is)
“you’re saying i a lot. i heard we” <- YEAHHH SCULLY! GET HIM!!!!!
(augh. and this plot once again fell victim to too much mulder saying i and not enough mulder saying we. probably my biggest complaint with this whole show)
she doesn’t think this case will be a waste of their time, but he says it won’t waste hers, because he will just go by himself! and he’s all pouty as he stalks off, leaving her looking confused. come on, monster boy. stop being emo.
oh, you know the episode is gonna hit when it says written by vince gilligan. i think? he’s the shippy guy, right? i normally don’t pay attention to these things, but people in the comments point out the writers, and he is spoken of positively
(i googled his name to make sure i was spelling it right, and it turns out he also wrote breaking bad and better call saul. wow! that is a man with some serious credentials!)
so mulder takes off to chicago all by himself to listen to the taped manifesto at the vinyl shop call ceneter. it was sent to the local radio station with the instructions to play it over and over 24 hours a day. the subtitles allow me to know that this is the voice of gary, warning of an evil monster who hides in the light. mulder looks very very bored.
the boss guy says he’s conducting his own internal investigation, which leads me to believe that he is the bug beast.
not even TWO STEPS OUT THE DOORWAY of that guy’s office and he’s calling scully LMAOOOOO I AM CRYINGGGGG... they cannot be separated or disaster ensues!!!
he wants her to check on the phrase “hiding in the light”. OH she swivels around at their desk :,) her at the desk makes me so happy!
he recognizes it from an old file!!! “which one? there’s hundreds” “i’m not sure, but i appreciate it” <- AWWW poor scully has to go through 8 million x files looking for a phrase… deep scully sigh as she resigns herself to the glamorous field of archival work. at least he said he appreciated her hard work.
gary sees mulder here and is watching him…. and gary sees his coworkers being called in to talk with the manager. he tells nancy not to go in there!!! “gary, i love you buddy, but you’re really, really weird” damn nancy, get him again lmao
and gary sees the boss go bug mode!! and hears her screaming!! he’s crying while the other manager guy tells him to dial and smile!!
bro is having a complete breakdown… nancy returns to her desk looking like a zombie????? at least to gary. to the camera, she looks pretty normal. things are unclear, narrative-wise.
pretty mulder is listening to the manifesto and taking notes; he has this sort of loopy handwriting i really like. it's a little messy. and he’s written down and then crossed out "obsessive compulsive disorder". “formality of phrasing: desire for authority - to be taken seriously” YEAHHH GO MONSTER BOY GO🔥DO THAT PSYCHOANALYSIS YOU LOVE SO MUCH
meanwhile, gary is gathering ammunition and loading a gun!!!! oh my god????
scully calls!!! she found the phrase and who said it and when and where!!! again, you really cannot out-research her. back in 1992 in florida, a deacon was worried about evil in his church and then showed up and shot people. oh god. and he said “the afflicted ones won’t bleed” hey that’s horrific
“scully, at the risk of you telling me i told you so, i think it’s time for you to get down here and help me” “i told you so”, she says, smiling <3
AUGHHHH i need to scream into my hands for a moment
okay. i'm better now. that was just so damn cute.
mulder shows up the next day at the vinyl office place, but it’s empty!!! nancy says to get down… gary points a gun at him!!!!
scully is pulling in to the parking lot while swarms of police and helicopters are everywhere…. scully introduces herself as agent mulder’s partner. the local FBI team doesn't have any updates on what is going on inside!!!!!
they want to call him and she says NO. it could put him in danger. this other dude is being condescending to her and she again says NO. we need to find another way. so take that.
oh my god??? inside, gary is making some guy tie everyone up and kneel with their hands behind their heads?? he says the boss is who they should be afraid of and to shut up and stop crying. gary. bro. this is not a good look.
and he says he’s not talking to the people who aren’t human, referring to the first three people the boss took in his office…
mulder is coming in to save the day!!! he asks very calmly why they should be afraid of mr. pincus, claiming that he is here to apply for a job. i can only hope that i could be as calm as him in a hostage situation.
gary says that mr. pincus is a monster who will harvest their souls and turn them into zombies. okay. like in a corporate way or a literal way?
mulder’s slowly moving to grab his gun when gary looks away….
he says everyone needs to hold their breath, and as the local FBI team tries to break in, gary fires at the ceiling!!! maybe he’ll use up all his ammo???? and then mulder can attack???
WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO SCULLY WHEN SHE SAYS NOT TO CALL HIM???? Y’ALL ARE PISSING ME OFF!!!!
so of course his phone goes off when these fools call him, gary sees mulder’s gun, and they lose their ONE SHOT OF SAFETY, and gary slaps mulder across the face and SHOOTS AT SOME GUY WHO DARED TO MOVE OH MY GODDDD YOU BITCHES WHO DON’T LISTEN TO SCULLY ALL ARE GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!
and gary finds mulder's FBI badge…. he picks up the phone and says he shot a zombie, but didn’t kill him. because he was already dead.
he says he will start killing actual people if they don’t get him on the TV!!!
scully says PUT HIM ON THE TV!!! WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!!!
can they maybe film him and pretend to get it on the TV, and just get it on the local channel so it only broadcasts to the office TV or something????
gary. bro. i’m scared.
mulder tries to remind gary that the guy he killed was a man, but gary says it was a zombie. and that the boss wants to turn them all into drones.
mr. pincus asks a great question: if he is the monster, what does he need all of these people for?? he says to just wait until they put him on the TV.
when they call mulder's cell again, gary answers the phone with “dial and smile” ohhh…. this is truly a man who has had enough of his job
so they’re sending the camera people in…. and scully sees that gary is holding mulder at gunpoint!!!
ohh, they *are* doing a closed circuit broadcast, so gary sees himself on the office TV and no one else will be subjected to him!!! yeah, shoutout to technology.
the cameraman pretends some wires are twisted, which allows the FBI team to see that the wall is clear…. and mulder is forced to lay down…. and now gary’s addressing “the people”
mr. pincus is being held at gunpoint…. and mulder gets in the way… gary’s screaming and screaming at mulder to get him out of the way, but he won’t do it… and scully is WATCHING ALL OF THIS THROUGH THE CAMERA FEED… WHICH IS SO CRAZY
he hears the buzzing again…. and the lights are out…
does mulder see the bug man too?? or is it all in gary’s mind????
the FBI team enters and someone shoots gary. mulder is splattered with blood, but he is looking at mr. pincus suspiciously……
GARY WHISPERS “now you know” to him as he lay dying…
HOLY HELL?????????????
what. hey guys! what’s up? what is going on here.
poor pensive mulder is looking off at mr. pincus. “you look exhausted”, says scully, which he instantly denies. and oh, he’s going to talk to him.
mr. pincus thanks him for saving his life. but mulder is in questioning mode. so mr. pincus had been, at some point, at the other plant where the incident went down a few years earlier, and had been to florida, where the x file case that scully had dug up in the files earlier was. bug guy… real??
scully is very confused. “what’s going on?” she asks softly, and he says he doesn’t know. ohhhh :( he sounded so lost :(
back to washington dc, where mulder is drawing lines on maps. with his poor busted lip and his poor busted finger. someone get him an ice pack
scully is shocked to see him! “mulder, why didn’t you take the day off?” he looks CRAZY and tells her to close the door.
oh, what must be going through her mind right now…?
he found the phrase “hiding in the light” or variations of it in 5 other x files, but the variations he lists seem pretty different to me. all the other cases were people who said evil was right in front of them but no one else could see it. which seems like a pretty typical x file trope. i'm not sure if he's onto anything here.
she asks what we are all thinking: have you slept? he disregards this and keeps going.
all of the cases with the phrase variations date back ten years, and that is how long pincus has worked for the vinyl company… hmm…
bro is still in his bloody shirt while trying to convince scully that perhaps a human bug creature could hypnotize its prey into not being visible. please get this man some clean clothes. it is not good to sit around covered in the blood of both yourself and others.
scully does not want to play along with gary's delusions or give them any credit. good for her!
“he was mentally ill. this monster was-was a sick fantasy, a product of his dementia”
(angry mulder nods) “i saw it, too.” (surprised scully face) “does that make me disturbed? demented? does that make me sick, too?”
ohhhh, there is panic in scully, i am sure, but she is good at not showing it.
(deep sigh) “no. no, this kind of thing is not uncommon. you… you went through a terrible ordeal, and sometimes people in close associations, under tense conditions, uh, the delusions of one can be passed onto the other” <- ohhhh scully… she is trying so hard to be kind and scientific and to support how he feels without fueling any harmful beliefs. it's a very careful dance.
he is furious though, insisting it’s not a delusion ("it's not folie a deux", he insists in the most american sounding way possible), and i can’t help but think about how his insistence on the existence of bug man fits in with his earlier disgust at being seen as the monster boy. well. you can see how these things happen when we wind up in this sort of situation.
he wants to prove that the people gary pointed out as not human really were turned into zombies somehow… maybe they can give them a checkup under the guise of “damn, y’all just went through some wild stuff”, but all i can think about is getting that man a fresh shirt and a nice long shower. can we give them a check up when you’re clean? please? thank you. bloodborne pathogens are scary.
scully refuses to autopsy the body- saying she won’t feed into the delusions- and he says he’ll prove it without her and storms off.
she must be so worried about him...... he's clearly not himself
oh shoot… he goes to gary’s place and finds the same map tracking pincus that he had made!!! and then mulder sees a zombified nancy outside!!! he’s running off, but the guy he's with doesn’t see anyone!!!!
now she’s driving off with pincus… where are they going???
scully is here to talk to skinner. he wants to know: why is mulder being weird?
AND WHY DID HE GET HER SCHEDULED TO DO AN AUTOPSY AFTER SHE SAID NO???? skinner KNOWS something is up and asks if there’s something she wants to tell him. she says “no, sir” and walks away, leaving him behind, confused
okay. so i feel like plotwise, i’m going to be annoyed if mulder is right, because he is acting really wild, and i get that it’s an intense situation, but you need to respect your partner. and listen to her and not make her do things that she refused to do. if he is behaving like he is having a break in his sanity, and scully is treating him with the care that this sort of situation affords, but then it turns out he was the only one clever enough to see the truth for the billionth time, making scully the scorned skeptic... well, it gets old after 5 seasons.
and we know that while he is often right about things, he is also incredibly prone to believing, and this can take him to self-destructive lengths, such as letting a guy put k in your brain until scully has to throw herself on him like a weighted blanket so he doesn't end things permanently. so. i don’t always trust his judgement.
but maybe she’s thinking, if i just autopsy the damn guy, we can get this over with.
all that being said: skinner’s confused face is so funny, lmao
scully does not want to do an autopsy. she’s outsourced it to someone else! i appreciate her sticking to her guns.
she’s trying to call mulder, but the guy doing the autopsy says it looks like the shooting victim has been dead for 2-3 days… and she says no, he died yesterday. HMM. weird. you can see the realization on her face…. something weird is going on here. but is it as strange as mulder claims?
pincus is going… somewhere. well, you better believe mulder is tailing him. hard for a guy that tall to be stealthy.
he moves the picnic table to look into the window of this house, and he sees the bug guys!!! then he breaks in, seeing an eyeless woman and a bug guy crawling behind him!!! breaking and entering... not a good look
the CGI is killing me lmao. bro is leaning out the window. LMAO WHAT THE HELL I’M HOWLING LOOK AT THE BUG GUY SCURRYING AWAY BAHAHAAAAAAAAAA
we need to appreciate this for a moment. crazed mulder breaking into some rando's house and shooting at the human-sized bug.
bug guy jumps off of the roof!!!
skinner is listening to the woman whose house he broke into testify… she says she felt a presence creeping towards her… and then this madman was in her house (pan to mulder) uh oh!!! one of many times mulder could have been fired, tbh!!!
she says he was screaming about monsters more than gary!! and then she leaves saying he shouldn’t carry a gun!!!
oh, mulder... what are we going to do with you?
pincus stays behind… oh, skinner is going to go nuclear on mulder if he opens his mouth to call him a monster one more time… poor skinner…….. pincus says he still considers mulder a hero for helping with the hostage situation, which is why he wants to handle this privately
LMAOOOO WAIT MULDER YELLED MORE AND NOW SKINNER IS SCREAMING AT HIM AND MULDER SEES PINCUS TURN INTO BUG MAN RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!!!!!!! HOLD ONNNN IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY BUT IT LOOKS SO SILLY I CANNOT HELP BUT LAUGH
skinner has to pin him down after he pulls out his gun!!!! oh my god!! he is gonna get fired for real!!!
(funny how often skinner and mulder come to physical blows. i just think it's neat)
mulder is in the hospital in chicago, and scully slips her hand into his (stop. i’ll cry. hey i’ll cry) and he says “five years together, scully. you must have seen this coming” <- HEY IS HE GETTING FIRED FOR REAL?? or just announcing the formal loss of his sanity?!
she says they more or less found what they thought they would find in the body… it looked more decomposed than it ought to have… but that really isn't unusual
oh, look how pained she looks as she listens to him try and explain the monster. he says pincus bit the lady whose house he broke into's neck. now is this a bug or a vampire? i guess those two categories have some commonality
she says the case is closed, and she only has hope he can see past this delusion AUGHHHH
i am imagining being scully in this situation and how much it would hurt to see your bestie and partner like this.......
“you have to be willing to see” “i wish it were that simple” “scully, you have to believe me. nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will” OUGHHHHHHHHH
:( :( :( monster boy......
“you’re my… one in five billion” OHHH. HE SAID THE THING. THE BLOGS QUOTE HIM SAYING THE THING ALL THE TIME. AND HE SAID IT!!! AND MY HEART DID A FLIP.
look at her looking at him……
that feeling when your bestie is out of his mind, begging you to believe in the bug men, and he says you're his soul mate.......... yeah.
back to autopsy land. this other dude is very confused as to why she wants to flip him over. AUGH. bites! bug bites!
she is shaving the dead body's head. which is not something i ever thought you had to do, but here we are. she shaves that dead body like a pro. and AUGH. more bites.
poor mulder is being restrained and shot up with stuff :( our pathetic man is suffering……..
he hears insects!!! did they bite him too???
NOOO!!! he sees the insect!! he’s screaming for the nurse!!!
he sounds absolutely wild as he tries to convince her there’s something at the window, and for her to let him go. oh, she opens the window…. is there something on her neck……. it looked like... juice?? gag.
he hears more insects…. i think it’s coming in his room?? it’s climbing on the wall??
OH SHIT!! the nurse is not letting scully in!!! and she sees her as a zombie, too???
SCULLY PARANORMAL MOMENT?!?!
OH, SHE BURSTS INTO HIS ROOM AS HE’S SCREAMING, AND SHOOTS THE BUG MAN!!!!
she’s looking at the window like wtf… am i going to have to pay to get that fixed…? and also was that really a bug man...? a lot of important questions are being communicated despite the lack of works
while he’s still fighting his restraints…
cut to a baffled skinner. “agent scully, i have to say, i’m at a bit of a loss here” LMAOOOO me too girl
“do i infer correctly from this that you believe there’s some… merit to agent mulder’s claims?”
(god, i typed "clams" at first. i wish there was merit to his clams)
this is shocking, but not unheard of. listen! scully just wants answers, okay? and sometimes they lie in the category of science yet to be explained.
(long scully pause) “i believe that agent mulder is mentally sound and fit for duty. aside from that belief, i can only present to you the few hard facts that i've been able to gather” <- queen of giving a measured response in a purple suit
oh shoot!! there was a toxin in the spine of the shooting victim!! and pincus is gone without a trace, with 6 other key witnesses!! including the nurse!!!
skinner wants to know what the intruder looks like… she deflects that it was dark. that is all we hear her say, even though i wouldhave loved to know how that conversation ended.
scully and mulder reunite as they enter an elevator. “what did you tell him?”, he asks her. “the truth… as well as i understand it” “which is?” (long scully pause) “folie a deux… a madness shared by two”
hey. why does it sound like she knows french when she said that? because i know that mulder took french, but he said it as american as possible. however, she took german and said that pretty darn well.
blushing a little.
AUGH, and a new company for WINDOWS has insect noises going on at the call center!!!
and so, the monsters continue to spread, ready at any moment to end humanity; a typical ending to an episode.
well. what did i think of this one?
hmm. i’m not sure. i was hoping mulder was going off the deep end rather than him being the most specialist boy of all who can once again see what the rest of the world cannot. he’s right too often, and we end up in the same situation where scully refuses to listen to his theories on account of the fact that he sounds crazy, and then he lowkey bullies her into doing what he asks rather than always considering her input, and then he ends up being right.
someone once got mad on one of my posts and said scully hates mulder (lmao. can you imagine?) because she never believes him even though he tends to be right. and buddy, i cannot really accept that as valid criticism, even beyond the whole point of the show being that yeah, they don't see eye to eye on supernatural matters. that is the most watsonian explanation to an incredibly clear doylist pattern, which is that mulder is the most special boy of all in this show and he knows all of the things and everyone else is a mere fool. this pattern annoys me greatly.
i just think it's funny (said with sarcasm) that someone would take the watsonian, in-universe explanation that hates on the woman character rather than acknowledge the fact that the writers clearly had a bias between the two. lmao.
and yeah. there are elements of both. scully is both purposefully written as stubborn in the face of his outlandish theories due to her loyalty to science as an element of her character, AND purposefully written as the one who naively refuses to believe mulder as some sort of audience proxy, because augh, that woman, she just won't believe our most special gifted genius agent mulder!
you can see how those two things work together, but one is clearly the result of the other. character decisions come from writers who often have their own biases and agendas rather than out of some mysterious creative ether from which a character emerges fully formed.
and poor skinner, trying to deal with mulder's often violent impulses.
i think it’s very interesting that scully believes herself and him to be victims of a shared madness. it’s the most logical belief for her to have, but it also places this kind of… like, concerning element to them being together. is everything they have experienced a shared madness? or just this after the trauma of him being held hostage? how can you trust your memory? how can you trust what you see?
i also think it’s very interesting how she refuses to feed his delusions at all when he proposed the idea. she would not do the autopsy. and from his psych training standpoint, i imagine that he knew she would say that, but was still hoping against hope because he was so out of his right mindset. she stuck to what she believed would help him recover, which is really admirable and doctor-y of her.
god, her slipping her hand into his as he’s in the hospital…
see, this is the problem with this show. it’s got me philosophizing on the meaning of the bug men. first of all, if they’re the ones in charge of call centers, i’m not really that surprised. corporate work turns you into a zombie; you don’t have time for passions or pursuits of your own, you just work for the shareholder. i get that interpretation.
but other than that, what are we to think of the bug men? are we to call into question the things that we see? are we to believe the manifestos and ramblings of people like gary?
i’m going to probably just assume it was a sort of “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” situation the writers concocted. yeah it *would* be fucked up if there were bug guys in the call center taking over america through ceaseless barrages of advertising. you've got me there, vince.
my feelings on mulder’s behavior are complicated. maybe it was a shared madness between them *and* there were some shady bug things going on. him sitting there still the day after the hostage situation, having gotten no sleep, still in his bloody shirt, drawing lines on the map… i mean, he did not seem well, even for a guy famed for his bouts of obsessive focus.
i am going to think on this one for a bit. perhaps a more coherent train of thought will arise. but for now, i have written a treatise on the nature of this show's frustrating parts while also highlighting the parts that made me giggle. like "i told you so" and scully's good french and mulder's terrible french and holding hands and undying love <3
#huh. didn't think i would end up writing 4 paragraphs on the narrative misogyny. but then again are we surprised?#anyway did i articulate any of that well? do you agree with me? do you like this episode? please let me know!#bug men: they're out there and they will call you on the phone.#i love you scully! mulder is also my boy but the writers piss me off#poor baby still had his fingers hurt... give him a vacation. let them have a joint vacation.#these nerds need to go queen out at a museum. and if enough time has passed since the gorilla incident they can go to a nice zoo.#yes i will ALWAYS be on my “take them to the zoo” agenda. always#anyway! i have to go wrap some presents. so tell me if you like this episode.#(i am now crawling away like the bug men)#juni's x files liveblog#5x19#the x files#txf
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me every time something new for t/b/b is announced 😭
a book, chat... they're getting a book... they're getting comics i cant do this anymore XD please i just want the movie clones to get something, anything
#every now and then i think of how cody was going to be in the knbi show and i pass away spiritually#i just gotta know what happened to him#dovepost#idm the t/b/b but i just wish some other characters got some focus too. the cody episode was easily one of my favourites#and i love omega so much. i want her and boba to meet it would be so silly#happy for u all but i am filled with envy
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Obligatory kkhai 0910 day mini toast to the best running boys but also because the Blue Ray DVD premium box set I've ordered in since late June at fire sale prices muahaha finally made its way home after one heck of a long trip via sea shipping... but talk about perfect timing for its arrival! Please hold while I yell into the universe a bit あああああああ~. The website says they're going to discontinue this set soon, which means not only do I have an official sub AND dub copy now, it's going to become "rare goods" in due time? Nice.
p.s: I... don't have a Blue Ray player btw, haha!
#kazetsuyo#My fandom let me show you it#It's my tumblr and I'll cry if I want to#Thinking out loud#Since I have no blue ray player I am in no hurry to open the packaging actually I am just gonna hoard it away like a hamster lmao#Centuries from now someone is going to excavate my site and find this DVD in pristine condition and this is how I will pass history on lol#Yes I am still here
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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic
#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse#if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY#now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default#also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet#subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate#also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him#too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed#listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci#jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person#plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing#also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving#the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female#mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3#the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting#tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO#ramblings!#zhongxiao#if you want to filter it out ??
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the family drama is about reach it's peak
#so like. dadi passed away i mean i hated that woman ofc so i am conflicted about it#plus she was old anyways but now mom's crying and dad has to leave tomorrow and there are no flights available#and i can hate him but that was still his mom i can't and don't want to imagine what must be going through his mind rn#and his siblings are pieces of shit no parental grandparents means they'll now talk about property and shit#it's already been so messy nobody talks to anyone anyways but now they'll have to face each other#99 percent sure mom is not taking us even if she has to go and hundred percent sure none of this will be peaceful#i just feel weird atp cause i hate her but this is terrible terrible time for her to go#anyways i will just switch off my brain and not think#mine#tw death
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also, i'm taking my mom to london for christmas, and we're spending it with my partner's family. but !!! i'm putting together a list of things for us to do together, and i am so heckin' excited because she never got to visit me while i was living there, and now i get to show her what my life looked like and why i loved living there so much. 🥹
#death mention tw#;; just below in the tags#;; my mom's been to london once but it was when i was a kid AND ALSO SHE HASNT BEEN ON A VACATION IN LIKE OVER A DECADE#;; SO I AM DEDICATED TO MAKING THIS SO SPECIAL FOR HER 🥹 especially since it's the first christmas after both of her parents passed away#;; she is really embracing adventures right now and just living and *doing the fucking thing* and i'm so inspired by her#;; and she's already talking about going to norway next summer where the rest of my partner's family lives 🥹 because she's excited about#;; how much i talk it up 😭 bc i also really do love norway like it's my partner's home and it's just BEAUTIFUL TO ME#;; i'm also just so excited to share the wonder that is my mother with my friends 🥹 and my community in my old neighborhood 🥹#;; which . . . since the holidays are coming up i owe one person a box filed with southern goods so i gotta get on mailing that 👀 and#;; writing a letter for one of my community elders who lives in my old neighborhood + thinks we are related which we actually might be??? 👀#♕░░ queen of the summer isles ( LUXX SPEAKING )#;; tbd.
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tired agaim
#bloodletting#brains brokennn and cant do stuff right#flooooor time#soonish. i think. or now. we cant afford to let me stay awake long#havent hit the breaking point yet even if it seems like we have n i csant do that rn#letss put it off till it gets rven worse later yaeay#or never#im here so maybe someone else can take care of it if o can go away long enough#im gonna pass out heater flooor i need. inneed nothing. bybye#got too rambly. chest heavy. didzy#sorry am fine
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Vent/grief
#hhhhh it always feels weird going into the notes on an old post and seeing a person i knew who passed away#like just a random old fandom post#we werent close but like. it was nice always seeing that person at meetups and feeling welcomed by them#(since i was the newcomer there for college)#i was miserable but i still really miss that time in my life and think about all the ppl i met there all the time#fuck im crying lol i wish id been better friends with literally anyone there but especially that person too#fucking social anxiety and people dying young and moving back and forth from college ugh#i wish i did a ton of things differently#i hate not being an outgoing social person#but thats how my family raised me - to be introverted and quiet bc im the weird one in this stupid rural town back at home#i had a taste at freedom and all i did was take a sip rather than the whole drink#its really hard looking back and judging myself tho bc i know i was really going through a lot w mental and physical health#but if i knew it was only going to get worse i wouldve pushed myself harder#i miss that person and everyone else i met there and its hard feeling like im not allowed to grieve for a person i hardly knew#i always feel like an outsider no matter where i am or the people im around#i dont have history with anyone so its like. how tf do u start over new when everyone else already knows each other#all the small moments of momentarily feeling like a part of a group meant so much to me#anyway im ugly crying now i gotta try to do something else#vent#personal#delete later / /#ShitPost.exe
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.
#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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so it's like this.
you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.
And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--
and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.
And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.
And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.
#dnd#dungeons & dragons#ttrpg#you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character#the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her#and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal#like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like#ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe#only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in#the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though#you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself#away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my#friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this#and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign#it's alive!#harris#fisher
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining#i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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