#i am going to pass away now i think
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the birthday boy (bradley)!!
#i love drawing bradley šššš„¹š„¹#i am going to pass away now i think#top gun#top gun maverick#pete maverick mitchell#bradley rooster bradshaw#calkaleart
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aziraphale, the one who gave the first human exiles his flaming sword as both a source of protection and warmth, who did not look on them as sinners deserving of destruction but people entitled to the best chances possible, has never once looked at crowley, a heavenly exile, with anything other than compassion and a desire to protect. from their first meeting, he never wanted anything bad to happen to him. when crowley slithers up to him in eden, he treats him like an equal rather than an adversary. when crowley appears, his eyes fill with love and excitement, his gaze turns soft and hesitant, his whole body seizes with joy of seeing him. crowley might typically the one to seek him out, but aziraphale has always welcomed him home.
#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#I AM WRITING THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY FIC š#they make me soā¦ā¦#the ex christian in me turns to a rabid dog when i think abt them#they both love each other with that christian ideal agape love#the kind that would sacrifice itself for the other#to love is to will the good of the other and all that#i just love and adore them both ok u will never catch slander against EITHER of them from me#tags added later :#is now a bad time to mention i think go3 will be#aziraphale realizing that crowley is his home and he was crowleyās#like heaven is not going to be as he imagined it#and heāll realize being head archangel can change nothing#and ooooh that homecoming.. for both of themā¦.#well i expect to be in tears thatās all iāll say#IT HAS TO END WELL THO or may actually unfortunately have to pass away on the spot
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Here it is! The seventh and final day (and once again belated) of my comic for @byler-week!
I am deeply going to miss working on this series, but am beyond happy for it to be done and posted! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for sticking around and I--once again--thank the Byler Week team for putting this challenge together. It was an event that I will never forget. I hope you all enjoyed reading my take on the prompts just as much as I did making them! ššš
Day Seven Prompts were: Empty, Arrive, D&D, Blue/Yellow Color Scheme
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six
#cadetart#now you may be wondering#what am I going to do now that byler week is over?#well#im gonna pass out#play katamari damacy#and think about byler until my brain melts away :-)#byler#bylerweek#bylerweek2024#byler nation#byler fanart#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers
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Girl help my brain won't brain AGAIN
#i'm trying to figure out some publishing related stuff#but i'm worried that i don't understand it and am not getting it right#and i just. can't think right now#and i know this is weird but i SWEAR it's partially because of the news about maggie smith passing away#obviously i never met her or anything but i still feel weirdly intensely sad about it#i don't know. i just kinda feel like crying kinda wanna hide under a blanket all day#kinda wish i had the capacity to be a functional adult#that sort of thing#probably going on a little walk or something will fix me#but also i just don't want to do anything and at the same time i NEED to do something#because also anxiety my old friend and sitting still does not really help with that#okay venting done#time to do...something else. idk what
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this is a test
#iām bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters thatās actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring letās think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk iām not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad thatās a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isnāt all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw thereās probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i donāt#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like iām actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much itās crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books theyāre all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry thatās made everything a bit messy. i shouldāve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think youāre being annoying i literally donāt care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now itās just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i donāt really have any thoughts to put here idk if weāre halfway ermmmm omg itās#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. itās wild how itās basically almost christmas. like#what. thatās illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesnāt crash or#smth cause iāve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but iāve saved it and holy jesus itās a lot of text im just sat here giggling thereās really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldnāt that be crazy) so wait thereās 140#haracters and 30 tags so whatās 30 x 140. someone hurry. i havenāt done maths lessons in two and a half years iāve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Obligatory kkhai 0910 day mini toast to the best running boys but also because the Blue Ray DVD premium box set I've ordered in since late June at fire sale prices muahaha finally made its way home after one heck of a long trip via sea shipping... but talk about perfect timing for its arrival! Please hold while I yell into the universe a bit ćććććććļ½. The website says they're going to discontinue this set soon, which means not only do I have an official sub AND dub copy now, it's going to become "rare goods" in due time? Nice.
p.s: I... don't have a Blue Ray player btw, haha!
#kazetsuyo#My fandom let me show you it#It's my tumblr and I'll cry if I want to#Thinking out loud#Since I have no blue ray player I am in no hurry to open the packaging actually I am just gonna hoard it away like a hamster lmao#Centuries from now someone is going to excavate my site and find this DVD in pristine condition and this is how I will pass history on lol#Yes I am still here
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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latterās canon relationship was Actually fanonās made up father figure/adopted child dynamic
#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse#if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY#now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default#also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet#subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate#also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him#too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed#listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci#jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person#plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing#also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game š#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving#the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female#mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3#the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting#tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO#ramblings!#zhongxiao#if you want to filter it out ??
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the family drama is about reach it's peak
#so like. dadi passed away i mean i hated that woman ofc so i am conflicted about it#plus she was old anyways but now mom's crying and dad has to leave tomorrow and there are no flights available#and i can hate him but that was still his mom i can't and don't want to imagine what must be going through his mind rn#and his siblings are pieces of shit no parental grandparents means they'll now talk about property and shit#it's already been so messy nobody talks to anyone anyways but now they'll have to face each other#99 percent sure mom is not taking us even if she has to go and hundred percent sure none of this will be peaceful#i just feel weird atp cause i hate her but this is terrible terrible time for her to go#anyways i will just switch off my brain and not think#mine#tw death
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Why didn't you give your cat a proper burial you sick fuck?
???? What part of me cremating my cat in a proper and respectful way makes me a sick fuck?? Have i pissed off the vegans somehow or smth. God forbid i want to be able to keep my cats ashes next to my dogs ashes in their honour i guess. Why don't you have a hobby besides harassment of strangers on the internet? Id argue one of us has more problems and it's almost certainly not me
#and for those who are genuinely curious why i didnt go for a burial#part of it is bc id like to have her close to me still#the other part is that I'm moving away from where I currently live and also im in canada.#the ground here is Very Hard at this time of year already#but in general i think I'll be burying pets going forward/doing communal cremation#partly for cost and partly because unless its like with ash#where i have the cat for 17 full years#or god forbid longer#I raised her from barely eyes open until death so like. she was my best friend#the vet actually gave me a clipping of her fur and i cried over it#im native right and hair is a big thing w us and i felt disconnected from her passing#bc it felt so fully gone#but with the fur clipping its like i have some of her spirit still with me at all times ā”ā”#anyways this ask probably was mesnt to hurt me but i honestly am just like.#really happy now bc i got to think of my babycat and her presence is reassuring to me#knowing im going into what may wind up being a huge change in my life for the better#so. thanks anon i guess.#i got to relax some before my interview with cat thoughts!
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#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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crazy how fast grad school went from āi suck at my job but iām ok at my classesā to āiām ok at my job but i suck at my classesā
#fuck this shit i just wanna get back into research#and i mean im still sort of useless at teaching but like. in ways that arenāt my fault. not my fault the answer keys are so fuckin vague#at least vague answer keys mean i can give my students more points#which is a win for them bc higher grades and a win for me bc i do not get paid enough to spend time nitpicking#but like. i am lowkey failing my classes lmao#i just need a B or higher in one of them and to pass one more and if I have to I can still drop one#which i think i will probably do bc trying to find an advisor takes way too much time and theyāre also wasting our time with the#stupid teaching class that would have been helpful as a second week of orientation but at this point is literally just taking our time and#energy away from. yknow. actually fucking teaching#anyway#i am going to send my goddamn emails this morning#itās 5:30 if i donāt have all four of my emails sent by 7:30 you all have permission to publicly shame me on tumblr dot com#screams into the void#update: i sent my emails (all 5 of them) now its time to go back to hiding in bed
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having perhaps a full anxiety attack over that email i dont know why i responded i cant work a job i cant do any of it i am so weak i can barely get down the stairs i am so ugly i am so bad at talking i am so Scared. i am just filled w dread i want to hide i want it gone i Cant Breathe
#the more time that passes the worse i feel#i want to b silly i want to play game#but i just#scared#so scared#what was i thinking why did i think i could to that#now its too late#if i miss this opportunity i can never work there#i need money#i need to get out#but does it have to be this way do i have to do it this way#im so scared#i cant do this#i want to hide i want 2 Hide i need to hide#i keep expecting it 2 pass but it isnt n i am just shaking n crying n wishing it would stop#its been going on for hours#i am so tired#but im too scared to even sleep#because if i wake up i might have a reply#and i cant handle that#i cant handle any of this#i want to sh so bad#i just want it gone#just make it stop#u can kill me if u want i dont care just make it go away
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so it's like this.
you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.
And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--
and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.
And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.
And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.
#dnd#dungeons & dragons#ttrpg#you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character#the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her#and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal#like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like#ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe#only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in#the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though#you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself#away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my#friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this#and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign#it's alive!#harris#fisher
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and itās going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad itās the worst month ive had since my dadās passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become itās not like thatās a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but itās all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to itās a task so daunting and draining#i donāt have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so itās only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc itās not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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Tag drop: Seele (Honkai: Star Rail). Listen, I used to write her and I miss her a bit, and also: there's Belobog people around. And also, well, she's much more interesting than people give her credit for. Also, prepare for some 'rewriting', because Belobog's pacing in specific ways kind of blew a little bit much.
#seele. [ we tell them āthings will be better tomorrow.ā everyone knows it's a lie; but it gets them to sleep with some hope. ]#seele: ic. [ he always says āhumanity's endless conflictsā; but you don't get peace by offering everything up on a silver platter. ]#seele: inquiries. [ that's not the only thing you won't have heard of down here; princess. ]#seele: countenance. [ to all those thugs and gangsters in the underworld; i'm like a spectre always haunting them. ]#seele: introspection. [ the chief's right. sometimes a sharp blade is the only way to get people to come to their senses. ]#seele: meta. [ she got used to people losing their homes. and she got used to people losing their lives. but crying alone was useless. ]#seele: little notes. [ they only eat half their meal; throw the rest away. do they know people below haven't got enough food to eat? ]#seele: wishes. [ where there's hope: there's the will to fight. ]#seele: etc. [ a young girl smiles subtly. āhow? right here; right now; i am aloneā¦ but it feels... very lively.ā ]#seele: underworld. [ what's more important than miracles; seele. is to protect people's hopes for miracles. ]#seele: overworld. [ oleg saw how a look of gloom passed over her tender face. ālet's go back. i don't want to come back here again.ā ]#seele: sampo. [ wildfire has countless issues on its place right now. we don't need a side order of koski. ]#seele: sampo. [ so we're there; now it's real. now that you have me; do you want me still? ] inominati.#seele: bronya. [ they go their separate ways: one stepping into the light; and the other into the shadows. until one day; they meet again.#seele: natasha. [ i learned quickly that tantrums won't get you anywhere. she knows how to give you a taste of your own medicine. ]#seele: oleg. [ i probably owe my life to the chief. ]#seele: hook. [ don't let her appetite for chaos fool you; i think that kid's going places. ]#seele: v. youth. [ everyone in the dark side of town knew that fearless homeless girl. everyone wanted to avoid that wild; stubborn rascal.#seele: v. underworld. [ just what we all need: more lies about a world that never was and never will be. ]#seele: v. present. [ can you imagine the consequences if we told the people what happened here? they'd be devastated. ]#seele: v. future. [ ... priorities? what do you mean? are you saying rebuilding the underworld isn't one of your āprioritiesā? ]
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW itās SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyoneās phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasnāt the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p ššš
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#ādo u have a cigaretteā āwhereās ur vapeā āwhere are we goingā āwhich bus is itā ādo u have a ___ā ādid u bring ___ā girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE šššš#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like āif we miss that train i will make sure u all go blindā ādid u bring a knifeā āI DONT NEED 1ā#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL ššššš#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol āim going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass outā#YES IM STRICT#i think itās so funny ok unrelated but like theyāll speak hindi & iāve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i canāt speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but iāll Understand the#Context & whatās being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally theyāre#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like š¦ bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like āwhat the fuck does he just know hindi nowā#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD ššššš LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like iāve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl itās been like a year i donāt even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc heās like āweāre in the uk why are u sitting like thisā bc he thinks#itās ātoo indianā ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA ššššš this hips were made for sitting#weāre definitely going to go back bc itās SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#iām exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#iāve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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