#i am going to get hope is the promise of love given between us tender two tattooed on me

[lamentofspring]

haley nichole green, I wrap in my softness your broken wing

[harryspet]

well kept [5] r. cameron

[warnings] dark!ceo!rafe x reader, size difference, billionaire!older!rafe, shy!reader with low self-esteem, reader is a person who stutters, boss x personal assistant, heavy abuse of power, emotional/mental manipulation, little editing, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK 18+

A/N: even longer chapter :)

word count: 5.3k

In which Rafe presents you with his plan for your future and you question the true cost of his offer.

well kept masterlist

You breathed easy for the first time in a long while. You laughed, smiled, and your heart beat at a normal pace. You sipped your drink not from nervousness but from a desire to truly enjoy yourself. The evening was about fun and connection, and you were determined to embrace it.

The week following your cabin trip had been a deep pit of depression. Your friends, concerned by your obvious distress, had insisted you join them for the weekend. They only saw the stress of work weighing on you, Rafe’s hidden bruises were invisible to them. You had opted for jeans and a crop top, deliberately avoiding a dress that might reveal the lingering marks of his anger. 

It was an act of rebellion to wear something Rafe hadn’t picked out but it was freeing. It was time you accepted that he didn’t own you 24/7, he had no right to you two days out of the week.

You bought your friends drinks, a part of the new perk that came with having salary. You liked treating them but every swipe of your card reminded you of all you were putting up with to get it. 

What Rafe did to you, he did out of selfishness, no one who cared for you truly could treat you like he did. You certainly weren’t a couple like everyone in Rafe’s close circle assumed you were. You didn’t know much about relationships or what real love looked like, but you were certain of one thing: whatever you had with Rafe would never evolve into something warm and tender enough to be labeled as love. You were reclaiming some normalcy. Or at least, that was what you hoped for. 

The three of you had decided to move the party back to your apartment at 2 AM, and the city lights flickered like stars in the darkened sky. Imani, with her arm securely interlocked with yours, clung to you, her presence both comforting and grounding amidst the night’s chaos.

You squeezed into the backseat, chatter and laughter from the evening buzzed in your ears. Angel was making smalltalk with the driver because that was just the type of person she was. Closest to the window, you checked your phone for the first time all night. Three messages from Rafe. Your heart started to beat in the rattled way it had been, pressing against your ribcage in a way that made you feel like you couldn’t breathe. 

Two images of you. Outfits you’d sent him. Along with a message. 

For Monday and Tuesday. - R.C. 

Sent at ten the night before. Imani leaned closer and you locked your phone, shoving it between your legs. 

“He’s really texting you? It’s Saturday.”

“Sunday now,” You tried to not sound rattled as you met her eyes.

“Like that makes a difference,” You expected her tone to be light given the vodka on her breath and silly pop songs playing on the radio, “No wonder you’re going crazy.”

“Crazy?” You laughed but it came out hollow, “Y-You guys thought I was sad and now I’m going crazy?”

“Yes,” She spoke matter-of-factly, “And it’s strange that you won’t tell us anything about him.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this,” You said, realizing she wasn’t going to drop it.  You wondered if this was her plan, to get you drunk and then pry out all the gossip about your new boss.

“I’m really worried, Y/N,” She said, “You don’t have to tell us everything but at least … let us help. We can help, I promise.”

Angel tuned into the conversation, realizing it had gone serious, “Yeah, my Mom and Dad are literally cops, Y/N. Just say the word-” 

“I promise it’s not that serious, Angel,” you said, shaking your head. The idea of involving the police felt almost laughable given the magnitude of Rafe’s wealth and influence. “I told you g-g-g-guys, he’s just a demanding asshole.”

“If it’s not that serious than why has he been over at our apartment? If you’re not sleeping together or not dating?”

“It’s complicated,” You spoke robotically. 

“We want to be there for you,” Angel added. You wanted to believe that. If you told them the truth, you’d have to explain why you hadn’t walked away yet. Rafe had given you every reason to quit and yet here you were. 

“You guys are there for me. I-I-I appreciate this night so much. I’ve just b-b-b-been letting work consume me. You guys have pulled me out of my fog. This next wwww-week will be better because I’m actually taking care of myself.”

It was an excuse, a way to rationalize why you hadn’t walked away from Rafe yet. You started to believe it, convincing yourself that things would get better just because you were trying to take care of yourself now.

“Just because he’s rich doesn’t mean he gets to have your body,” The world seemed to go quiet after Imani spoke those words. The music quieted and both you and Angel stared at her, the heavy silence enveloping the three of you. 

“She’s right, you know,” Angel said softly. 

How had she seen so clearly what you were trying to hide? Why were they prying into your life? You were an adult, after all. You should have the right to make your own decisions, however flawed they might seem to others. But their concern felt invasive, as if they were prying into a private struggle you were barely managing to keep under control.

Pity. 

Your best friends pitied you, “Oh, y-you’re not serious,” You smiled crazily, “He’s not …I’m nnn-n-not …you both have it so so wrong.”

They stared at you, trying to guage your reaction, but your heart and brain were going crazy. You couldn’t pick what emotion to convey because you were feeling all of them. 

“I’m drunk,” You rested your head back, “I’m so drunk.”

As the rideshare pulled up to your apartment building, you fumbled with your seatbelt, eager to escape the heavy conversation, “Y/N, we didn’t mean to upset you,” You heard Angel say at they followed you out of the car. 

“I’m okay. So okay.”

You wanted to hurry inside the lobby but felt a hand wrap around your arm, “Y/N,” Imani stopped you. 

You whipped your head around, panicked, “I’m fine. I sss-said I’m fine.”

“You boss’s car is parked over there.”

You followed her pointed finger, and your blood ran cold. There it was—Rafe’s sleek black car, parked conspicuously outside your building. “Wha—” you stammered, unable to process the sight of it, “Oh.”

“Why the fuck is he here?” Imani cursed. 

“I’ll meet you guys inside–”

“Go talk to him but we’re standing right here until you’re done,” Imani crossed her arms in front of her and gave you pointed look. 

“Angel,” You looked at you other friend, pleading. 

She shook her head, “We’re standing here, Y/N.”

“Fine,” You whispered. It was a quiet declaration of your frustration, a statement of your internal struggle. 

They didn’t trust you. You could take care of yourself. This would upset Rafe, you knew it would. You took a deep breath as you wandered towards the small parking lot beside your building. His bright truck lights shined against the brick of the building and you saw his arm resting outside the window, fingers drumming nervous on the frame. You pulled at your crop top, wanting to force it to be longer, as you got closer. 

“Y/N,” His voice cut through the night air with a sharp edge. 

Tonight, Rafe’s blue eyes were wild. Instead of the usual darkness you saw behind his pupils, you saw wildness. Dark circles under his eyes spoke of sleepless nights, and his other hand was busy rubbing worried circles over his buzzed haircut, a nervous habit you hadn’t seen before.

“Rafe, wh-what are you doing out here?” You dropped the formalities. It felt wrong to address him with respect, more than it usually did, when he was sitting outside of your apartment at two in the morning. 

He looked you over once, before his door opened, and he climbed out. Dressed in a polo and khaki shorts, he left his car running, before he was standing in front of you. Only a foot away and already you weren’t breathing correctly. He moved closer but you said, “You shouldn’t touch me.”

Hurt, confused, he gave you a look you hadn’t seen before, “Why not?”

You gestured as subtly as you could, to your two friend who were settled under the awning that hung over your apartment buildings entrance, “My roommates are waiting for me.”

Rafe’s jaw ticked, before his hands found his hips, “Right,” He nodded before he laughed, “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just feel crazy tonight, you know?”

Yes, you knew. Now your crazy was starting to feel like nothing compared to whatever was building inside of your boss. He was different tonight, younger, and out of control, “What are you doing out here?” You asked again, “It’s two in the mmm-morning.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to show up like this. I just wanted to talk to you. I came earlier and you weren’t here and I … I started spiraling, you know? You’ve been out all night. I don’t like …I just felt fucking nervous.”

“Nervous b-because I went out with mmm-mmm-my friends?” Your words were cautious but you couldn’t help that your eyebrows raised in confusion. 

“I needed to see you.”

“You see me now,” You said, “What … what is it?”

Rafe took a breath, “I made a mistake at the cabin and I think, ever since then, you’ve been distant.”

You nodded as you tried to understand his meaning. He made a mistake when he spanked you with a belt, making two of his close acquaintances listen to you scream, and leaving you to cry yourself to sleep. The distance he now complained about was a direct result of his actions—a defense mechanism you’d put in place to protect yourself. And yet, here he was, expressing frustration over your response, as if your withdrawal was the real issue rather than his behavior.

“Rafe, honestly, this isn’t h-h-helping … I d-d-don’t know if I can handle this right now. I don’t know if I can be who you need me to be,” You took a step back and you were comforted by the fact that he couldn’t take a step towards you. He wouldn’t make a scene, not in front of your roommates. Maybe you could forgive their intrusiveness. 

Rafe seemed to tense at your words and you watched as his eyes wandered down the sidewalk towards your friends, “Okay, uhm …they say something to you?” His voice carried a note of suspicion, as if their presence was somehow a direct affront to him.

“They’re my friends,” you replied tersely, hoping that would be the end of it. Of course your friends had expressed their concerns about him. 

“Okay,” Rafe said, his voice edged with frustration. “I just … I’m here because I want to fix things.”

“C-Can we talk about it on Monday, please?” You asked, “I’ve been-”

“You’ve been drinking,” He filled in your words, more unamused than before, “It’s not safe, little girl like you, only your friends to protect you … there’s lots of bad, bad people in this city.” 

The way he said "little girl" stung. It wasn’t the first time he’d used it, but it felt more patronizing and condescending tonight.

“I can take care of myself,” you said firmly, taking another step back towards your building, trying to put more space between you and his imposing figure.

“Can you?” he taunted, the words heavy with mockery. “Alright, I’ll give you some space. You know what? Go ahead and take Monday off, you deserve it, sweetheart.” 

“Goodnight,” You said before you turned away from him. You jumped when you heard his truck door slam close but you didn’t look back. 

Your friends, witnessing the tense exchange from the corner of the awning, approached you with concern written on their faces. Angel reached out, placing a gentle hand on your arm. “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice soft but filled with worry.

“Fuck, that dude is crazy,” Imani said, “You have to quit. I’ll get another part time job. We both will while you look for something else. We’ll make it work.”

You should have cried in their arms, letting their comfort and love wash over you, but instead, all you felt was exhaustion and apathy. You didn’t have the energy to be comforted or to express your gratitude. Numb and drained, you trudged inside, your mind already longing for the softness of your pillow. Your friends followed quietly. 

Tuesday morning, your alarm didn’t wake you up. There was a pounding on your door before Imani stormed into your room. Heart racing, you lifted your head and checked your phone sitting on your side table. It was thirty minutes before your alarm was even supposed to go off, “What the-”

“Look!” Groggily, you sat up in your bed just as a crumpled white envelope was thrown at your chest. You held it up to the light trickling into your room from the window, and you easily saw red bold letters stamped across the top of the letter: EVICTION NOTICE. 

Without another thought, you ripped open the envelopement, “It’s probably a-a prank, Imani.”

“What is going on?” Angel stumbled into the room next, mouth full of foaming toothpaste. 

You held open the letter as you began to read carefully, “As per the terms of your lease agreement and in a-a-accordance with the state and local regulations, this letter serves as your official notice of eviction–”

“Fuck,” Imani cursed. 

“This decision has been mmmm-made in alignment with our current business strategy which includes renovating the apartment to increase its value and preparing the property for sale to a prospective buyer …”

“Someones buying our entire apartment building?” Angel asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“This is fucked,” Imani added. 

You continued reading, “The termination for your lease w-w-w-will be affected sixty days from the date of this notice. Please ensure thhh-that you vacate the premises by this date …”

You read the letter over and over, trying to make sense of it. The signature at the bottom confirmed its legitimacy.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Imani sat down on the edge of your bed, head in the palm of her hands, “They can’t do this. It’s illegal! Where are we supposed to go?”

“Sixty days from now is right before the holidays start,” Angel leaned in the doorway, her eyes starting to well with tears, “I can’t go back home.”

Imani shook her head, “This apartment is my home.”

Determined, you climbed out of bed, pulling on the work clothes you had pre-selected. You kicked off your fuzzy socks, removed your bonnet, and began fixing your braids into a messy bun. “I’m going into the office,” you said resolutely. “I w-w-w-work for a real estate company. Rafe will know what to do. They can’t just do this. If anyone knows how to get out of this, he will.”

The two girls exchanged glances, their concern palpable. “We don’t need his help,” Imani said firmly.

“I don’t think I want it,” Angel added quietly.

You stared at them, incredulous. “He c-can help. You don’t know him like I do.”

“Y/N, is this really smart?” Angel asked, her voice tinged with worry.

“I can’t believe you guys. Get out, I’m getting ready,” you snapped, frustration rising. “Get out, now!”

As they left the room, their worried faces lingered in your mind, but you were focused on finding a solution.

Despite drunkenly conveying your uncertainties about your position with Rafe a few nights before, that morning, you were the epitome of perfection.  You wore exactly what he had chosen for you: a light blue dress embellished with sparkling sequins, pockets, and a Peter Pan collar. You even spent more than ten minutes putting on your makeup that morning, you looked flawless, more effort than you’d ever put in before.

You recited his entire schedule with only a slight stutter, had a steaming cup of coffee waiting for him at his desk, and arranged for lunch from one of his favorite restaurants. You allowed him to wrap his hand around your waist, to lean down and bury his face in your neck, to inhale your scent and press a gentle kiss against your skin.

It was like nothing had changed. Seeing Rafe outside of your apartment that night was frightening, a reminder of the presence he now had in your life, but you’d never seen him look so … desperate. Rafe Cameron was desperate for you, of all people. It dawned on you that perhaps there was room for negotiation. At the cabin, you had vehemently resisted his behavior, and his reaction had been explosively violent. But now, with him admitting to a mistake and showing a rare glimpse of vulnerability, you realized you might possess more leverage than you had previously imagined.

You spent the first few hours at work hyping yourself up to bring up the eviction notice to Rafe. All of his morning meetings went well and he didn’t have the usual cloud of darkness that was constantly over his head. When there was finally a lull in the day, you finally told him the news you’d learned that morning. However, his reaction made your face fall into a frown that you didn’t have the strength to correct.

“I’m not sure what the problem is. Don’t I pay you enough to be able to afford your own apartment?”

“My friends …” you began, struggling to find the right words. Mentioning your friends was wrong. You knew how he felt about the voices of reason in your life. 

“Right, your friends. What would you have me do?” His words continued to be indifferent and detached, as if he could want you so bad, but care nothing about the lives that were closest to you, “Offer them jobs? Pay for them to live as well?”

“No, that’s nnn-not what I mean,” It felt like he was purposefully miscontruing your words, and in turn, your character. Of course you didn’t expect for him to take care of your friends. Not letting him take advantage of the sea of emotions you were feeling, you recited your problem clearly, “I just want to know if you have any advice. For handling the situation. Something that’s in our control as tenants.”

“You don’t have much power at all, as tenants. You’re subject to the decisions made by the property management and the owners,” Before the reality of his words fully sunk in, he sighed, continuing, “You could look at your lease agreement and read it thoroughly to find any clauses that protect you. You could consult with a lawyer though that would be a pricy right to go down. You could talk to your landlord and try to get an extension to find a new place. That’s where I would start, sweetheart.”

Rafe’s hands folded together, looking up at you, as a smile graced his face. You nodded, “Okay,” You were grateful for a straight answer, but admittedly, you thought he would offer a better solution, “What should we look for in the lease? What would protect us?”

“Anything about early termination, language about renovations or changes in property management. Stipulations about how much notice is required before evicting you. If the landlord has violated any of those terms, it could be grounds for negotiation.”

“Huh,” you nodded, your heart filling with a small bit of hope, despite how out of reach some of his suggestions felt, “O-Okay, thank you. Yeah, I’ll t-t-talk to my roommates about it.”

“If it were me, I would be make sure I focused on my own safety and well being. You can’t really help your friends if you’re out on the street with them.” 

His words, rude and smart like always, stung but you didn’t dwell on them, “Thanks for the advice, sir.” 

For the rest of the morning, you shuffled between tasks and scrolling through your lease agreement. You searched it for the keywords that Rafe at mentioned and when that search wasn’t fruitful, you started to read it top to bottom. Your landlord was only required to give you sixty days notice for an eviction. You found absolutely nothing about property management changes. Hours passed and as lunchtime approach, you were sufficiently frustrated. 

You brought Rafe his lunch as he sat through a lunch time meeting but you made your way to the breakroom quickly afterwards.

Imani had called you a few time so you returned it. You’d texted your groupchat about all the steps that Rafe had mentioned. Imani had replied that he was probably withholding information. You weren’t quite sure why that idea hadn’t crossed your mind. 

“Hey, I still haven’t found anything–”

“Cameron Development is the one purchasing the apartment building, Y/N.”

Your heart sank and you plopped down on the breakroom’s leather couch with a heavy sigh, “Shit,” You whispered. 

“Shit is an understatement,” She replied, “Y/N, I’m starting to think you need to be really careful. Maybe we should go to the police.”

He’d lied to your face, unabashedly. 

"We'll talk about it later, I promise," You spoke before you hung up, not giving her a chance to argue.

It was much too late for careful. You should’ve ran after your first conversation with him but now … you were effectively trapped. Rafe had sex with you even when you didn’t want to. He hurt you and you held him for comfort after you. It had been weeks since you’d even felt like yourself. 

You leaned back to stare at the ceiling and you didn’t move for the next thirty minutes. Eleanor was the one who came to find you after you’d gone missing, “Y/N, Rafe’s been looking for you. What are you doing?”

“Did you know?” You asked her solemnly, your voice felt broken. 

She came to sit beside you and you felt her place a hand on your shoulder as she leaned closer, “Topper told me they rushed the deal. Offered twice the asking price. Said it was horrible idea, completely financially irresponsible, but Rafe insisted. ”

“Wh-What should I do?” You turned your head towards her, tears in your eyes, “I-I’ve never had sss-someone feel this way about me b-but th-this feels wrong.”

“What should you do?” She repeated, “I think he loves you.”

“L-Love?” You seemed to choke on the words. 

From what you could tell, it didn’t seem that Rafe was capable of loving anyone, “What does your gut tell you?”

This entire time, your gut had been telling you one thing, “T-To run?”

Even now, you were so unsure of yourself, “Makes sense, he’s suffocating you.”

You sat up in your spot, “Should I go now? Leave all my stuff? He p-paid for it, anyways.”

“I don’t think this is the time,” She squeezed your shoulder gently, her eyes soft as they fixed on you, “If you run, he’ll drag you back to his mansion kicking and screaming. Rafe just made this grand gesture to display his power. A huge fuck you to all the people you care about. He’s desperate. This is your time to get what you want from him. Tell him, you’re not going to be his little sex secretary anymore or follow him to the mountains, unless he changes.” 

“Y-You think he can change?”

“I didn’t think so before,” Eleanor said, her voice firm. “But now, seeing how desperate he is, I believe he’ll do anything to keep you.”

You could barely admit to yourself that part of you wished what she was saying was true. The notion that Rafe might have feelings for you, even if expressed through flawed and controlling actions, was both intoxicating and unsettling. Maybe you could take the bad with the good if the good started to outweigh the bad. But Rafe’s bad was more than bad. His soft gestures were often accompanied by demands and manipulations. 

There was no pros and cons list to be made. You looked at your situation objectively, Eleanor’s words having finally forced you to. If you ran, he’d come after you. If you ran, you’d have nothing. No apartment or salary to support yourself. You longed for a relationship where you felt safe and cared for and you wanted to live in a world where your friends were also taken care of. 

“I hope you’re not handling your personal business during workhours,” Rafe had said when you finally returned to the office. 

Ironic, given all the personal things you two had done together in that very office. 

“I’m not the one who made it personal,” You spoke easily, smoothly. 

You made your way to your desk. Your words seemed to bothered him but you didn’t glance at him long enough to take in his reaction. 

“And how did I make it personal?” You flipped through your personal calendar, taking a pen and marking down all of Rafe’s scheduled social events. 

“It’s not g-g-going to work. Using my friends to threaten me.”

“Oh?” That single word was dripping with venom.

“Just makes me think even www-worse of you. And I-I already had a poor opinion.”

“Yeah?” You wanted to look at him but you kept your eyes focused down, “What makes you think I give a fuck about your opinion of me?"

“B-Because I drive you crazy. Because I’m the one person y-you want to control completely.”

“Maybe I wanted to make things easier for you. Maybe I know that you’ll outgrow your little friends soon and you need a push in the right direction. You have friends in higher places now, you know that?”

“Y-You don’t like that they tell me to quit. That they know sss-somethings wrong with you.”

“You’re wrong,” He shot back.

“You’ve done a good job b-because now I can’t leave without losing everything,” It took everything to keep your voice from breaking. Finally, you turned your heads toward him. You saw the way his chair was towards you, the way his grip was tight on the armrests of his chair.

“Maybe I’ve been selfish.”

You scoffed at that, “You’ve mmm-made it clear that you don’t care about my needs or mmm-my feelings.”

“I know your feelings, sweetheart. You wear them so clearly,” Rafe replied, you could see it in his face that he was trying to keep his tone subdued He leaned foreward slightly, eyes as intense as ever, “Tell me what needs I haven’t tended to. Let me fix things, yeah?”

His offered seemed genuine and exactly what you were hoping for, weren’t you? 

“You really want to fix things?”

“Yeah,” He said like the crimes he’d committed against you were something that could remedied, “I can’t change what I don’t know.”

“It’s not just about what you’ve done wrong. It’s a-about how you handle things from now on,” You started, choosing your words carefully, “It’s about allowing mmm-mmme to set boundaries and respecting them.”

“Boundaries?” His head twisted to the side like he wasn’t entirely familiar with the term, “There’s multiple?”

“First, I want you t-to do what you can to remedy this apartment situation. Then, I don’t want you to ever bring my friends into this again.”

“Fine, I’ll get them another apartment. I’ll even throw in free rent.”

“No,” You shook your head, “You own the building which means you let us stay. No renovations.”

“I made an investment. I have to make a profit–”

“I’m serious,” You countered, “Y-Y-You made your point. You have all the mmm-money in the world and we have nothing in comparison.”

Rafe sighed, fingers tapping against his leg, “Okay, they stay but you come to live with me.”

“What? Why?” It was another layer of control, not a solution. 

“Your friends will want nothing to do with me or my help. If you continue to work for me, they won’t want anything to do with you either. If you want to maintain those relationships, some space would be better. Let them see you happy and they’ll come to their senses about our relationship.”

The implication of his words was clear. He was offering you a way to keep your friends, but it came with the price of further entangling your life with his. It felt like a manipulative trade-off.  You thought about the way he had manipulated you before, using your friends as leverage, and it made you wary of his intentions.

“I won’t say yes right now,” You decided, “Sss-sss-since we’re talking about living situations. Next year, I want to stay in Charlotte.”

“That won’t work.”

What had Eleanor told you to do? Had she forgotten how stubborn he was? 

“Y-You’re asking me to move across the state with you. I-It’s t-t-t-to much. There will have to be another arrangement.”

“Hmm, I won’t say yes right now,” he repeated your wording with an edge of mockery. You scowled, feeling the frustration build up inside you.

“You just sss-said you wanted to fix things.”

“My intentions … my intentions are to leave the city and spend the next few years settling down. I’m getting to a certain age and I’ve been thinking about, you know, getting married and having kids. It feels like the right time,” The information is a shock to you, not the thought of Rafe wanting a wife and kids, but knowing immediately he was implying that you’d be filling that role, “It’s a beautiful area. I wouldn’t expect you to continue your role there. You’d fully be a stay-at home wife, you could pursue any hobbies you wanted, and of course you’d have access to even more money than I’ve been paying you.”

Rafe began to paint a picture of a gilded cage. On the surface, it was tempting: a life of comfort, stability, and freedom from financial worries. But the price was your independence and autonomy. The thought of becoming a stay-at-home wife, completely reliant on him and cut off from your own life in Charlotte, was suffocating.

“What if I d-d-don’t want that life? W-What if I want my own career?”

He hesitated, his gaze narrowing as he leaned back in his chair, “What career do you want? I’ll give it to you. You can do practically anything from home these days. If you want to spend the first years doing that, fine, I’m not expecting kids right away.”

You hadn’t realized it but your breath was starting to quicken. You placed a hand over your chest, all of that resolve you had going into the conversation starting to fade away, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Rafe seemed to talk to himself, “Hey, hey, calm down.” 

Your breath came out in quick shallow breaths. Rafe’s proposal pressed down on you as the room started to spin. You felt his arms around you before you could fall from your chair, “Eleanor, I need you here,” You heard clearly. For the next moments, you could only hear their muffled talking. You remembered seeing both of them, panicked look on Eleanor’s face, a hand rubbing down your back. Rafe was talking to you, his eyes trained on you intently. You remembered a glass of water coming to your lips and you tilted your head back, welcoming the liquid, thinking it might quell the fire inside your mind. 

Though your thoughts still raced, the room’s spinning slowed down, and the you heard Rafe dsay, “It’ll help you feel better.”

He stayed with you, rubbing soothing circles into the skin of your thighs, “Thank you,” You whispered though you hated that you found comfort in his touch. A wave of drowsiness overcame you and despite your best efforts to stay alert, you felt yourself lean forward until you were fully in Rafe’s arms, “Rafe–”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart. Rest,” Rafe murmured, his voice soft and reassuring as he held you close.

This got too long, gonna have to make another part! Pls pls pls reblog and let me know your thoughts and predictions!

[seigephoenix]

Hi!!! For a prompt, maybe you could adjust “Person A fixes Person B’s tie” for f!warden/Leliana? Fixing robes or armor or that silly Divine hat, maybe?

Thank you for the prompt! For @dadrunkwriting. I used my Briar Amell and Leliana for this as they have such a sweet romance that endures through so many years. Including sneaking a Warden Commander into Skyhold and getting caught in the rookery.

Content Warning: smooches and tender feelings Length: ~900 words

The mirror showed all the nerves on her face, the only time she let down her guard.  Her position didn’t allow for any slip ups, no weaknesses.  She’d seen how the mantle wore Justinia down, and now it seemed it was her turn.  Her reforms were going over as well as she thought they would.  Badly.  Leliana knew she’d win them over eventually, they would see it as she did.  Her hands smoothed the stray hairs down before she turned towards her headpiece.  Her eyes widened as she didn’t see it anywhere.  Leliana looked under the table but didn’t see it there.  She stood in front of the mirror with pursed lips as she tried to remember what she could have done with it.  Movement caught her eye and she looked into the mirror.

Into very familiar blue eyes crinkled in amusement at still being able to sneak up on her so many years later.  In her hands sat the cream colored headpiece all Divines were required to wear.  Blonde hair still pulled back into a ponytail, though much longer now, still swept down over the finely carved staff.  A staff that still carried a charm she’d given the woman not even a few weeks after knowing each other.

“Briar.”

Briar Amell grinned as she stepped close to Leliana and lifted the hat, placing it gently upon her head.  Her hand cupped her cheek with a quick brush of her thumb across her bottom lip.  A warm smile curved on her lips and Leliana felt a sense of longing fill her chest.  These moments were so precious to her.  A quiet respite against the chaos that life threw at them around every corner.  She’d hoped the spend the rest of her days living with Briar, but duty pulled them apart yet again.

“Divine Justinia.” Briar’s voice was still the same, smooth as finely aged whiskey.  Her voice had captivated Leliana at that very first meeting in Lothering.  “Your senses are going soft being in such a position I see.”  Leliana laughed at the amused quip.

“Hardly, you know you have always been the one who could sneak up on me.”  Briar’s smile widened as she stepped back and she looked towards the door.  “I have to go soon.”

“I know.  I’m here for a moment before I, too, am pulled away.”  Leliana knew Briar had wanted to retire as Warden-Commander of Ferelden.  She’d worn the mantle for a decade, and she was growing weary of it.  “I wanted to speak with you before I go to where I’m needed.”

“I am glad of it.  I sorely miss you.”  Briar leaned forward and rested her forehead against Leliana’s.  Leliana felt the sharp ache in her heart, knowing this would be all she could see of Briar.  Until the next time they could find a few moments of stolen time together.  Bittersweet was how their story ended.

“I will always come find you, my nightingale.”  Leliana laughed at the nickname.  Briar had once told her she could turn it into a name that could be feared but between them it would always mean something softer, intimate.  Briar once teased her that she could make her sing as no one else and just the thought was enough to make Leliana’s ears grow warm.

“What thoughts pass through your mind my lovely Divine?”  Briar’s amused tone broke through Leliana’s thoughts and she simply smiled.  “Ah, a Divine must have their secrets then?”  There was no malice in her words and Leliana knew Briar accepted her as she was and everything that came with it.

“I will miss you.”

“And I you.  But don’t fret.  I won’t be too far away, I promise.”  Briar winked before she leaned down.  Her lips covered Leliana’s in a gentle kiss, her hands gently cupping her elbows as Leliana leaned into the kiss.  Briar grinned as she lifted her head.  “Make sure you don’t forget your speech now my beautiful rose.”  Briar laughed as Leliana’s eyes narrowed at her.  She slipped away after one more kiss, full of longing and the decade of feelings they’d had together.  Bittersweet lingered on her tongue as she watched her go.

Leliana arrived at the grand cathedral and was surprised to see Wardens kneeling as she approached.  There were others that seemed apprehensive but Leliana knew not to be.  These Wardens followed a much more level headed leader than Clarel was.  She passed by and each Warden rose as she made it to the next, closing ranks behind her so no one could bother her.  The sight did give her a moment of pause as it was usually Templars that escorted the Divine.

“Divine Victoria!”  The herald’s voice rang out in the cavernous room, so large it once made Leliana think she could get lost in it.  She climbed the steps to the Divine’s seat and her step faltered for just a moment as she spied the person standing next to the grand seat.

“The Divine always has a right and left hand.  You bucked this tradition but the sisters and I believed this one tradition was needed.  If not for balance then for your safety.”  The Grand Cleric of the Val Royeux Chantry explained as she walked with Leliana part way up the stairs.  “When the Warden Commander approached me with her proposition, I couldn’t turn it down.  You traveled together during the Blight correct?” Leliana looked over and nodded briefly.  “Wonderful.  We put our faith in these Wardens, perhaps they can make up for their brethren’s sins.”

“Under this Commander, I have no doubt they will Grand Cleric.”  She bowed and took her seat as Leliana continued to climb the steps to herself.  She situated herself in the seat and Briar took up her spot on the right side.  She kept the smile off her face as she spoke quietly to Leliana.

“I told you I wouldn’t be very far.”

[halsins-herbal-underpants]

an excerpt I added to my fic

I'm terrible about fiddling with my fics long after I publish them lol but I added this part in Control and I REALLY like it and want to show it off so I'm posting it here. The full work on Ao3

This takes place between the end of Act 2 and Act 3, at the stop before hitting Baldur's Gate. My Seldarine drow Dayan (Tav) and Halsin have some very enthusiastic D/s intimacy Dayan requests, with bondage and pain play. Halsin bottoms and he and Dayan have a talk about the experience after.

“So, tell me. Did you enjoy yourself, my love? Did you get the catharsis you hoped for tonight?” Halsin asked softly as he lounged back and basked in the soreness given to him by his lover.

“Mmhhh...it was amazing," Dayan sighed, stretching and groaning a little when bones creaked at the action. "Better than amazing, in fact. There's no word for it. But as to catharsis..." He looked up at the sky, and sighed. "I hope so. I certainly feel more relaxed,” Dayan laughed. “And it was nice to…know what to do, for once. Know what worked."

He lifted a knee and crossed his arms over it, chin lowering to rest on the crook of his elbow. He looked down at Halsin and smiled softly. "I worry so much about every decision I make, now. Whether a grove should be ransacked by goblins - that's easy,” he murmured. “But we’re going into the lion’s den and I don’t know what to do. Everyone’s counting on me and I’m lost.”

“My heart,” Halsin lifted himself onto an elbow, reaching to take Dayan’s hand and bring it to his lips. “You’re not alone in this, I promise you. We are all of us all counting on each other.” His voice lowered and he leaned in. “For as long as I’ve known you – you’ve only ever tried to do what you thought was right. Often at some great cost to yourself.” He paused and smiled, bittersweet. “I know that firsthand.”

Dayan’s brows crinkled. “Halsin…”

A finger to his lips. “Shush. Water under the bridge, as you like to say. But listen now. I speak only the truth.” He tapped Dayan’s chest. “Your heart is the strongest lodestone I know. Follow it, beloved. And I’ll follow you. I will be by your side, always.”

Dayan didn’t trust himself to speak. He just nodded and leaned down to kiss his sweet bear so he wouldn’t see wetness at the corner of his eyes.

He shifted to lie on his side and lowered his head, pressing it against Halsin’s shoulder for a moment; his eyes fell to the druid’s chest and he blinked, lifting his head with a wince. Reaching out, the drow ran fingertips over all the bite and claw marks that covered the elf, all the wounds he left on Halsin’s skin.

“Too tired to heal these away?” he asked, a little worriedly. “Are you all right? I hope I wasn’t too rough…” He paused and looked him in the eye. "How do you feel about it all, now?"

“Not too rough at all, my heart. It was perfect, every moment,” Halsin reassured him. He paused a bit and looked down at his arm, tracing fingers over the scratches and the bites, a soft and tender look in his eyes. "It...I believe it may have been exactly what I needed. I feel - relaxed in a way I haven't in decades. Perhaps even longer." Dayan watched him, not commenting, letting Halsin have his time to get his thoughts out, as the druid allowed for him.

Halsin spoke slowly, scar crinkling as he worked out his feelings bit by bit. "I've had to be in command of...so much, for so very long," he continued quietly. "Not only the grove. Ending the curse...my own emotions, my fears...how I felt about myself. How I felt about - well. Most things." His jaw tightened. "Always in control, always." He paused. "You saw how little that was worth."

Dayan slid his hand over Halsin's and laced their fingers together. "No self-loathing tonight, sunstone, or I'll make you do all the shopping in the city. Every day. With Astarion." Halsin blinked and then laughed, shaking his head.

"Apologies, my heart. Even with all you accomplished I still have moments of-"

"We accomplished, I am going to bite you somewhere tender I swear-"

Halsin gave him a teasing smirk. "Do you promise?"

Dayan couldn't help but laugh. "All right, all right. Settle down, sweet bear, I only have so much stamina." He lifted his hand to gently hold Halsin's chin and turned his face to his, his expression serious. "Listen to me, Halsin. Now I'm speaking truth."

He leaned close, his expression tender and his voice gentle. "You spent one hundred long years with the weight of blame on your shoulders. You agreed with me that the shadow curse wasn't your fault; but I'm quite sure you never believed it."

Halsin didn't refute Dayan's words; they weren't untrue, after all. He just looked down at their entwined fingers, rubbing his thumb over the back of Dayan's hand.

"It wasn't," Dayan said emphatically. He felt Halsin inhale a shuddering breath. "I hope in time the weight will leave you - I think you still feel the ghost of it on your back. But if I can lessen it in any way, my love - then let me start here." He spoke slowly, decisively.

"Halsin, you deserve to be cared for. Doted on! Wholly, fully, without reservation. In every way you need, and want. Heart, mind, body." He brushed a strand of hair from the druid's forehead. "My sunstone. You shine the way through the dark, for so many...you'd let your own light burn you to ash. Don't, please. Let me, let Astarion take care of you when you need it. And even when you don't," he smiled. "More nights like this, yes? More nights when you put the weight down. Promise me."

It took Halsin a long time to find himself able to speak, his throat thick and his eyes wet. His hand pulled Dayan's own to his lips, cupping it with both big paws and lowered his head; Dayan felt warm, wet drops fall over his fingers. He rose onto his knees and without pulling his hand out of Halsin's, wrapped his arm around those massive shoulders and pulled the druid into his chest. He could feel the silent sobs shaking through the elf as he held him, but he didn't speak on it. Just pressed kiss after kiss into the tangle of Halsin's hair and held him until the shaking stopped. He wondered if this was the first time his love allowed himself to express something beyond joyful relief, since they left the curse behind.

"So many different kinds of catharsis," he murmured in Halsin's hair, thinking aloud. The druid sniffed hard and gave a shaky laugh.

"I feel I may have experienced them all tonight, with you, my heart." His voice wavered; he paused, then coughed softly, clearing his throat.

"I promise."

Dayan squeezed the druid tight. "Good boy."

He got another soft laugh from Halsin in response and grinned, pressing a kiss to his bear's scarred brow. He sat back on his heels, Halsin still nestled into his chest, and stroked through the druid's hair for awhile, the two just sitting in a comfortable silence. 

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[12timetraveler]

Something In The Orange

Chapter 4

Summary:

A chance encounter brings things between Hosea and Reader to a head.

Notes:

This is it gang. It's happening

There is smut in this chapter. And by that I mean this chapter is 14,500 words and more than 9,000 of those words are smut.

Just a heads up with the holidays barreling down toward us, I may fall off my posting schedule a little. I'm hoping I'll manage to keep up but if I do miss a week I apologize.

Below is a little teaser. Read the full thing on AO3

A reminder that you must be logged in to AO3 to view my works. However if you want to read this and do not have AO3 please reach out as I am working on an alternative.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I think it's very nice. It's classic, cozy, and a little rustic." Hosea hummed, stepping inside and looking around politely. "There's lots of potential as well of course, but honestly I think it looks great like it is. It's very... You."

"I think that's a compliment?" You giggled, sidling up alongside him.

"I meant it to be," he chuckled, looking at you from the corner of his eye. He turned and faced you fully. You met his gaze, letting those hazel eyes hypnotize you. He brought a hand up to your cheek, brushing his fingers against your skin. "You know I think you're lovely," he hummed, voice dropping.

"I think you've mentioned," you said, leaning into his touch.

"Well you are. You're absolutely beautiful."

"I... I don't really know what to say," you hummed. You didn't necessarily think you were as special as he made you out to be. And you'd never been great at taking a compliment.

"You don't need to say anything," he assured you, stepping closer. "Just believe me when I say it." He gave you a small smile. The moment was tender, and neither of you dared to speak loudly. "I don't know if it means much coming from some old fool but--"

"Hey," you cut him off quietly, stepping closer so the two of you were chest-to-chest. "You don't get to be all self-deprecating and compliment me at the same time," you reached out and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, letting your hand slide down to his. Your fingers didn't quite interlock, but you were close. "You're so handsome," you murmured. "Distinguished, charming, and drop-dead gorgeous."

"I'll do my best to believe you, if you promise the same," he suggested. You smiled and nodded. Unconsciously the two of you had been leaning in closer. His face was just inches from yours, far closer than was socially acceptable given the situation.

"We shouldn't," you whispered, some semblance of sense coming to you even through the haze of the moment. Like a last attempt to keep this professional and appropriate.

Hosea froze against you. "Y-you're right," He hummed, stepping back. "This can't end well. We--mmmph"

Like a supercharged magnet you latched on to him, arms locking around his neck, lips smashing against his. His lips met yours without hesitation, and his arms slid around your back, lifting you up on your tiptoes and pulling you as close as possible.

You shouldn't. It was wrong. Your best friend's father. Nothing good would come of this.

All of that kept spinning in your head as your lips moved with Hosea's. You knew it was wrong. But god it felt so right. So out of your control. Like it was inevitable. Some may even call it fate.

There was so much heat in the kiss, so much passion and fire. You'd never felt anything like it before. You felt so... Alive. How could something so absolutely wrong feel so completely right? You fit into his grasp like a puzzle falling perfectly into place. As if you were made for him, and he for you.

You grabbed onto him tighter, refusing to let him go any time soon. He just felt so perfect against you. So warm and comforting.

Hosea broke the kiss first, though he didn't let go of you, knocking his forehead against yours. "Well now you've gone and done it," He whispered.

[pearblossommina]

ToG Read-A-Long, Empire of Storms, day….

(I am a little bit behind, but I’ll catch up)

Here are my notes for the first 11 chapters

Ch 1 “Lorcan breathed it in, allowing his Fae senses - the senses he'd inherited from his prick of a father”

LORCAN TOO? There’s literally no such thing as an SJM man without daddy issues

Ch 2

I’ll just try to be less annoyed, because I feel like this is what I’m gonna get, for now, from Aelin and Rowan. Just those heat filled glances, growling, toe curling, and copious amount of desire and lust for each other. Without a bed or any place to consummate, and with too much pride to do it against a tree. Or in a pool.

(This is fine.)

Ch 3

Manon! I’m obsessed with you my love!

Are you gonna make out with Dorian? What are you gonna do?

Ch 4

I kind of had a good time with Darrow and the meeting. It’s kind of nice for once for the stakes to be boiled down to bureaucracy and classism and political intrigue, as opposed to magic and demons and the worst kind of evil bad intense intensity. Idk, I’m kind of into it.

Like obviously I think he sucks and I kind of hate how mean he was to, well, all of them

But it’s just kind of a breath of fresh air for the “bad guy” to be like, politically opposing them, instead of literally possessed by a demon trying to take over the world.

I also think, even though Aelin is, and should be recognized as Queen, it’s valid to question her authority - and her ability to rule - since she’s only a young queen after all. She hasn’t really demonstrated that she can govern. There’s a difference between being a powerful warrior and being the leader of a nation.

I just think this chapter was super interesting, and I’m glad SJM went there.

Ch 5

“She had laughed once at Dorian - laughed and scolded him for admitting that the thought of marriage to anyone but his soul-bonded was abhorrent. She'd chided him for choosing love over the peace of his kingdom.”

She DID do that, didn’t she!

I remember because I was like, Dorian’s so cute, how he wants to marry someone he loves, but that’s a very 19-year-old-man thought. I thought back then that she was arguing for her own choice to make out with Dorian because she didn’t think they would ever be sanctioned to marry. Listen, I believe in love, and I believe it matters, but I also beleive in getting married for other reasons. ESPECIALLY if you’re in a royal family in medieval times.

“She should have cherished them more - those happy, calm, boring moments on the road.

Should have savored each second they were all together, all safe.”

How come i didn’t get to read about any happy, calm, boring moments on the road!

I like happy, calm, boring moments!

I like Fleetfoot!

Idk - I kind of do hope that she gets to prove Darrow wrong.

Also I hope Evangeline is ok

Ch 6

I feel so bad for Dorian!!!

He’s so alone. He has no family, and no friends! No one! And he has to deal with the stress of coronation, idk, I just feel like that would be hard on a person at the best of times and here he is just going through it while trying to be a man again.

Hopefully these witches are here to make out with him instead of make his life worse.

Ch 7

Nope, it doesn’t seem that way

Lol MANON what are you waiting for! Can’t you see our boy is hard up for a small little inkling of soft love and tenderness! He’s so sick of all this heartbreak and sorrow! I’m sick of it, too!

Wow this chapter has so much murder! So much action!

Rowan’s here too! That was fast!

Hello Rowan! Come to the rescue I see! Good for you, Dorian needs a friend very badly right now.

Ch 8

“These past weeks of travel had been torture -

the need to claim her, taste her, driving him out of his wits. And given what Darrow had said ... perhaps, despite his promise when he'd left, it had been a good thing that they had not taken that final step.”

Yeah, no, I do not agree

She’s not a broodmare whose only use is to be married off to make babies, and she’s not a virgin whose only value is in her “purity”. What difference does it make if she chooses to take a lover? Even if they use archaic methods like examining her genitals for “proof of virginity” Rowan would STILL be in the clear, because she had at LEAST one lover before him… so….

This guy is starting to piss me off, lol

I know he’s just being mopey because he’s in love

But STOP IT

She loves you, too

I’ve had it up to HERE with this nonsense

Can you two please just learn to be happy and be in love. The angst is not doing it for me.

Ch 9

Elide and Lorcan vs weird creatures!

Girl I bet you miss Manon so much.

(I miss her too)

Ch 10

"Why travel with me at all?”

"There are more details regarding Morath's interior that I want from you. I'll keep you from danger, and you'll provide them for me.”

Hell yeah. Best friends road trip!

(in the Shrek and Donkey way) (they’re gonna start off annoyed by each other and slowly develop into best friends on this road trip) (y’know)(like Shrek and Donkey)

(Elide is the Donkey)

Ch 11

Hell yeah, Manon saved Petrah one time, that makes her thoughtful as well as beautiful.

I can’t believe her grandmother has it so bad out for Asterin!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER!

Let’s all band together and kill the three matrons. Seriously. What good have they ever done us, they just like to make life worse!

I for one am ready for life to start getting BETTER!

[nxiousxpsistence]

I know where I come from and I know where it will end.

(2022)

The words in my head formulate to me a wonderfully intricate TRUTH looking me right between the brows.

I know where I come from.

The womb I climbed out of some years ago is the exact hole I would like to crawl back into.

To be gone forever this time. The burden I’ve born I will hand over to Sisyphus (My drag king name will be SYSSI PUSS). This is the last time I hang around in bars after a full day of cutting trees.

The body is weak. The pull is too strong.

- tenthousand days in the fire is long enough -

I forgot the face of my father and broken my promise I’d given to the first wink I released to the unknown that we call the future yet 0 isn’t smaller than 1.

You’re the product of whatever has come before you and will dissolve in whatever will come after.

If you will.

ROSE + wink + kış bahçesi + forget the notes / SING

I’ve kept your place; go then (there are other worlds than this).

All the while p/cherish the sight of blood you so love to wrap yourself in 

Just to have a good look of how beautiful you are in the mirror.

Dicks and balls and all.

I broke my promise. My turn is over now. The legacy I will bring to whatever will come out of me will be eternally tainted and I AM NOT THAT VALUABLE/EFFICIENT/COST-EFFECTIVE to run. I’m a computer that you end up dumping somewhere.

And that’s beautiful.

One night, I found myself lying in an extremely comfortable bed, made to feel all the safer for the presence of two well-wishing male-presenting friends nearby. The chemicals thawing in my veins, erupting here and there like into trembling little orgasms / imploding into pits of anxious hell / leaking puss just to crave some again.

i.e. I was too excited to sleep. 

She and he were laughing outside. They had lost themselves in enviable stupor, having managed to get as drunk as they would get with booze as with whatever else. Dreaming their pretty dreams, most probably made to feel all the safer for the presence of another well-wishing male-presenting friend and their best friend and her manit nearby.

She and he were having the most beautiful laugh my ears had the pleasure to hear. They were bonding. I was in my bed. MADE TO FEEL ALL THE SAFER. The veins have always been my friends, tolerating whatever shit I’ve put in them, I don’t know if that’s a good thing, but I’m way past 27, aren’t I?

So yeah, I was too excited to sleep.

The shit was good apparently. The much anticipated eruptions took us to yet another world this time - the orgasms became a volcano of one huge ball of energy travelling through me. Finding the places that haven’t been touched recently. The places that need some tender loving care.

Stimming can be transformative.

My hips, my eyes, the third eye I’ve painted at the back of my neck, my feet, (she and he) (and they) through the laughter, the bed, the 23-degree weather, the open window, the scent of a woman sweating for all the right reasons planting itself into the very fibre of the linen that MADE ME FEEL ALL THE SAFER. 

It was everywhere. People think so highly of the light, but some of us aren’t built that way. 

The energy that finds me is there; light you need to know dark when you see it. all truths are half truths.

The singularity of it all - I’m sure of it yet I can’t say.

All my truths are half truths.

My beautifully painted yet amateurish third eye sometimes speaks to me.

You know it’s friendly veins, people I love laughing, good shit, MADE TO FEEL ALL THE SAFER, soft warm linen, balls of energy (well), eruptions turn into volcanoes, the all visits me, and I give up on my earthly existence, and closing remarks.

I made a deal that day. I hope it is with who I think it is.

I asked for agency.

To do whatever I wanted to do.

And I said, “But I’m done with this existence”.

I forgave all. I love all. My turbulations are futile. I shall submit.

I forego whatever has been given / whatever has been promised.

If I have the agency to choose what I believe in, I shall believe this.

I signed the dotted line - I’ve got the agency.

If I hadn’t, I would’ve not fallen into all the pits I’ve invited myself to fall into.

If I hadn’t a famous writer wouldn’t have drowned 16 of his characters in the same well and call it his.

If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have tried and tested myriad ways of getting into the ways of this earth. It make no sense now than it did when I was 5.

I give up. As this is what I choose.

But if I hadn’t, my future being would’ve created a new reality for itself. There is only one reality. And I now want to be a part of it.

And I am the product of my age; so the ugly ways you have chosen to invest in for your salvation are mere brushes with yourselves, the intention having been undersigned only in a half-assed contract which many a judge will read a few times 5 minutes before hearings.

I shall make it mine.

If I can choose whatever I want to/can believe in, this shall be it.

1 and 1 and 1 is 3.

[vermontjp]

Twenty-sixth ceremony – Jennifer and Troy

Welcome

Welcome everyone and thank you for coming to celebrate the marriage of Troy Braley and Jennifer Perry. I hope you've been enjoying this spring day and gotten to smell a few lilacs or gotten yourself a maple creemee. I know that is my next stop today.

Thank you for coming to share this special day with Jenn and Troy, it means a lot to them that you're here. 

[I last saw Jenn at Dylan's wedding in October. You and Melissa still here and married? Good.]

A second marriage is different from a first marriage. You've learned some things. Aged a little. Gotten to know yourself more. Been through some stuff, like maybe a LOT of stuff. And gotten through it, and had some spots that were maybe a little raw, but those spots eventually became tender and opened up to love again. Jenn and Troy, I'm so happy that you've found each other.

Reading

I'd like to read a poem called “Mouthful of Forevers” by Clementine von Radics

I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you.

And I will not be afraid of your scars.

I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know: whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.

Vows

The couple have written their own vows. Troy, would you please read your vows to Jennifer?

Jennifer, would you please read your vows to Troy?

Declarations

Do you, Jennifer, take Troy to be your husband, your constant friend, your faithful partner in life, and your one true love.

[I do]

Do you Troy, take Jennifer to be your wife, your constant friend, your faithful partner in life, and your one true love.

[I do]

Rings

Sawyer (Jenn) and Bentley (Troy) do you have the rings?

We talk about rings being a circle, not having a beginning or an end, and that is true. But what is also true is that rings are paired. Your rings say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bound together. Let these rings also be a sign that love has substance as well as soul, a present as well as a past, and that, despite its occasional sorrows, love is a circle of happiness, wonder, and delight. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today and that paths you have taken to get here..

Troy and Jennifer will now exchange rings as a symbol of the promises they made, and of their ongoing commitment to each other

Troy will you now place the ring on Jennifer’s finger

Will you now repeat after me please?

I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and my faith in our strength together

Jennifer will you now place the ring on Troy’s finger. Will you repeat after me please?

I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and my faith in our strength together

Pause

Before I pronounce you married partners, there is one last thing (and I do this at all the ceremonies, so you might have heard this one before). A wedding is often a hectic day that flies by. You spend a lot of time trying to GET here but it can be hard, in the moment to BE here. 

Troy and Jennifer, we're going to spend a short moment to focus on one another.  Take a moment to look at each other, with your friends and family, and feel everything in your heart and mind right now, in this moment, to keep forever.

Finale

And now, one final benediction, by Edward Abbey

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view! 

By the power vested in me by the State of Vermont, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss!

Congratulations. Please join us inside for cocktails and appetizers while the wedding party get their pictures taken.

[genshingarbage]

Could I request any boys of your choice where they’ve had an exhausting day and their s/o says they should take a nap on their lap? Thank you!

Cute boi hours again? Yes <3 Sleepy time awe! I am gonna pick a very select few that i think this works well with, so i hope you're okay with the hand picked few ;) - Mod Diluc

Rest My Love.

|| Head Cannons ||

Kazuha/Diluc/Xiao/Kaeya

Kazuha

He was beat, exhausted and aching, every muscle in his body ached like something fierce. But, who ever said the life of a lone wandering samurai was gonna be a breeze? Yea, that's right- no one. Because it sure as hell wasn't. He was use to feeling this way yet somehow it still made him just as grouchy as the first time.

He walked into the small building that was titled as your homestead and yawned; stretching his arms out he heard a few odd bones pop from the pressure, it relieved some of his tension but not nearly enough for it to be actually satisfying. With a huff he removed some of his more heavy going clothing, including his shoes, till he was more loose and relaxed.

He shuffled slowly into the house, trying not to wake you. You were his lover and so him coming to your home was somewhat normal now, but he often was away for large periods of time, and he never liked to disturb you. Specially when you're busy. Which you were, you had your nose deep between the pages of a gripping story written so entrancing like from a book. So much for his first theory that you'd be asleep at this time, huh?

He tried to creep past you as you read, but you wasn't born yesterday. So with a roll of your eyes and a soft exhale from your nose you spoke out. "Kazuha. Welcome home hun." You didn't even bother to turn your head around to him, you knew fully well he was frozen in his steps now, eyes wide like a doe caught in headlights. He blinked a few times before sorting himself back to his normal standing position and chuckling awkwardly, a breif rub to the back of his neck ensued.

"Ah, yea, I'm uh- yea. I'm home, thanks Y/N. I really didn't wanna disturb you there." He spoke softly and with great regret; like he'd just committed an awful crime. You simply closed the book after having bent the tip of the page you were on, as to know where to start off when you return to it, and placed the item down on the small table infront of your sofa. "Kazuha, it's fine... I was only reading a book." You chuckled gently.

"I know, but... it felt wrong to interupt you so abruptly specially when you seemed so into it-" you'd twisted your torso ever so slightly so your eyes could lay on his now, your heart almost broke, he looked absolutely shattered- like all life was drained from him. Just what had this crazy man gotten up to in his absence? "Kazuha- oh my goodness. Look at you! You're about to pass out."

He smiled politely and waved his hand side to side as if dusting your worry back into the wind. "Nah, I'm a lil tired that's all. I'm gonna have a lie down, I'll be right as rain after." He went to go back to making his way to the exit of your living room, that is until you called out ever so gently. "Or well, I wouldn't mind if you rested your head on my lap." A faint blush flushed your cheeks. He turned to face you yet again. Blinking several times over again.

"Really?" He tilted his head almost like a curious puppy, he has no idea how cute he is sometimes. "I mean, sure why not? You've not been home for over a month. I do get lonely ya know, the company would feel nice, and your presence is always warm and welcoming." You smiled sweetly at him and he returned the expression with full earnest. Nodding softly he made his way to the sofa, where you rested, and now reshuffled and organised yourself to get into a more comfy position.

It wasn't long before he was laying on his side with his head nestled into your lap, breathing softly as your hand gently rested adorn his head of hair. "Mmh. You're right, this beats sleeping alone any day." He hummed sleepily to you, by the way his voice was giving out you could tell he was close to succumbing to his slumber already. With a gentle smile still planted across your lips you hushed him softly.

"Shh, rest now. My Kazuha." You began to hum a quaint little lullaby that had him snoring in under three minutes. This man, he works himself so hard, but still, it's one of the reasons you love him so much, the fact he's hard working and never gives in. And you have the comfort in your mind of knowing whenever he gets this tired again, he'll have you here to be by his peaceful sleeping side everytime. Now and forever.

Diluc

The sky was a beautiful orange and red tone, the colours mixed so beautifully, with the white fluffy clouds scattered around too, it looked like a stunning evening. You were sat alone at the dinner table again, your chin resting on your opened palm, your eyelids half shut to block the rays of the last bit of presence from the sun.

The candles had long since burned out and the beautiful sweet honeyed roast you'd prepare with such delicacy and tender care was going cold. Diluc was suppose to be home over thirty-five minutes ago, he promised he'd make it in time for whatever dinner the maids threw together tonight, he wasn't aware you'd taken it upon yourself to lovingly prepare tonight's meal for him.

You couldn't be mad at the man; or hold a grudge for that matter, you knew what type of person he was, you knew he wasn't one for sticking to plans and promises, he simply couldn't be with the work he has, not to mention his little sun down hobby that you became privy too after several years with the crimson haired gentleman. If there was one thing you were grateful for, it was the fact you knew without doubt he truly did love you. And in a way that was enough for you.

It was sundown now and your dinner had long been since tidied up by the maids, with a somewhat solemn look to your face you'd decided to go to bed early that night. Knowing Diluc, he wouldn't be home for hours to come anyway. Your eyes were just starting ache and your eyelids were starting to feel heavy for you now. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth softly you let your body sink further into the warm embracing sheets.

Click.

Your eyes slowly opened back up when you heard the all too familiar noise of your bedroom door opening, narrowing your eyes slightly to help adjust to the dim glow of the room, the small aid of illumination being provided solely by your nightstand candle. It wasn't hard to make out who it was however, since his deep red hair practically danced from the slight glow of the flicking flame.

"Diluc." It came out more like a whisper which you never intended for it too, but you were so gripped by tiredness now it was hard to sound more awake at the given circumstances. "Sorry for waking you my dear, wasn't my intention." You hummed softly in response and then watched as best as you could as he removed his attire and shoes, stripping down to just his boxers.

Gripping the band that kept his hair up was the last part, with a tug his hair flew down and waved apart, you kept a watchful eye on him. As it was when his hair was down that he was always at his most tired and vulnerable mental state now. "The maids told me Y/N." He still sounded strict, or at least he was trying his best too. But his voice wavered in every sense of the word.

The bed dipped beside you as his weight was added to the mattress now, a small groan escaping his lips. You knew what he meant, it wasn't a surprise the maids told him you'd prepared the dinner today, you'd just wish they'd not sometimes, to avoid adding more stress to the man's poor ordeals. "It's fine, it was just a small attempt. I'm not exactly the best cook to begin wit-"

The poorly sounding wince from him cut you off, the failed attempt to stifle it and keep it under wraps didn't go unnoticed. You narrowed your eyes at the man beside you in bed now, and then you saw. He was littered with cuts and bruises, they surely must hurt, why didn't he say anything? Scratch that. He never tells you anyway, thinking its better that way. Silly man.

With a gentle huff you shook your head, shuffling your weight and sitting up ever so slightly, your back pressing against the several puffed pillows under you. "Enough of that. Come here darling." It was your turn to sound strict however, and for once he didn't fight back. Your heart tugged at you slightly as you felt the weight shifting around beside you and then were suddenly graced with the feeling of his head nuzzling into your lap.

You took it upon yourself to softly begin to caress his head, letting your hand stroke and massage the man's hair and scalp. The groans and sighs that left him were evidence enough he was in a blissful state right now, your sweet Diluc. Always putting his life on the line to protect those less fortunate than him, when will he learn? That his life matters just as much. Sigh.

You heard a soft mutter from him, something along the lines of 'sorry' and 'dinner'. But he was already taken by the nights calming embrace to be formulating anything coherent now, so you closed your eyes with another soft shake of your head and continued to massage his head. Till both you and your hand laid still, silent, asleep. Whatever he'd done tonight, whatever reason he'd missed dinner, it didn't matter. As long as he loved you it was enough. It always has been, it always will be.

Xiao

The stars twinkled softly an slowly, looking so entrancing from down below, the dark blue sky washing above you with the dazzling twinkles looking like small fire flies dancing around. You stood there, your knee bent slightly as your weight was supported by the banister of the top balcony to Wangshu Inn. Any minute now, you thought to yourself calmly.

And is if on que a sudden and harsh breeze blew past you, followed up with a loud thud. You turned your head ever so slightly, seeing the young looking yaksha lifting back up from his crouch landing position. "Welcome home honey." you said somewhat stone like, to which you got a simple sounding 'Tsk' as response, as he chucked his spear lazily behind him, to which it dissolved away instantly.

You rolled your eyes to the quiet scoff that greeted you back, shaking your head slowly, your eyes went back to focus on the landscape below you from the viewpoint of the balcony. It was so peaceful and beautiful. "How has your day been?" You decided to question him further, all while remaining your focus elsewhere.

"Fine." he responded in short. This type of reply was normal to you now, he wasn't the talkative type, despite having been the first to say to you he loved you. "Well, that's good then." you said back in your normal sweet tone now. You could tell from that tone in his voice he was exhausted, he didn't have to say or do anything, you could just tell.

Thinking it was best to leave now and give him his privacy you turned away from the balcony and began to walk to the exit. "I will let you rest my love, see you soo-"

"Wait."

His voice was louder than its ever been round you, the faint flush on his cheeks was evidence enough he never intended for it to come out so loudly from his own mouth. "Xiao?" you turned back round, seeing him stood there looking like a somewhat lost lamb, it was damn cute.

"S...stay with me, ... please."

His voice, so soft, so sweet, so gentle. You felt your heart crack slightly, your poor adeptus, he must've been rushed off his feet tonight. The dark bags forming under his eyes said all you needed to hear.

Chewing your bottom lip softly you breathed in and then walked over to him slowly. "Xiao..." you whispered his name lovingly, his eyes met with yours and for a brief moment the air left your lungs, the sight of his exhausted face so close to you, actively seeking comfort within you, it was enough to melt the coldest of icebergs.

Letting your hand slip into his with a gentle squeeze, a small smile on your lips you led him down the stairs of the Inn, into your bedroom, a tidy and quaint little sleeping quarter. He needed to rest, he is pushing himself too much, and if you do not take action, he never will.

Climbing onto the bed once you'd abandoned your shoes on the carpet you looked up at him, laying in a relaxing position. The red on his cheeks only flushed deeper and darker, and you couldn't help but laugh softly. Such a lewd mind, oh my, you never expected him to get the wrong idea over a situation like this.

"Xiao- no... not that." you chuckled at his confused expression, he was so alien to the concept of just touch in general now, that to him he sees it so black and white, being close means being intimate, otherwise why get close? So it was up to you to show him the ways of being human again.

You let your hand softly pet and stroke your lap and he raised his brow, but seeing the sudden light in his eyes spark showed you he caught on to what you really were aiming for. So he hesitantly dipped onto the bed next to you, he was tense and his movements were awkward, but he eventually shuffled his head and body to lay down with his head nestled softly into your lap.

"Is this... okay?" he muttered it nervously, like he was scared the slightest movement would shatter everything around him. You looked down at him and gently kissed your fingers, pressing them against his lips in response. "Shh, rest my love, you need it." Just to further add to what you were saying you let your hand gently rub the outer ridge of his ear.

The blush eventually left his cheeks, the tensed muscles finally went lax and his breathing grew heavier and more unguarded, with a pleased hum from your lips you closed your eyes too and began to succumb to the sweet calling of slumber too.

As long as he has you, you will always be there to help[ him, he may be an adeptus, a yaksha, but you? He is just as human as you or anyone else. Wrath filled or not. He is and always will be your sweet little adeptus. Your perfect lover. Your Xiao.

Kaeya

Another late night and you sat cuddled up on the sofa scanning through several paintings, more specifically paintings that you had done over the course of several months. It was a hobby of yours, but with the aid of Albedo giving you tips and throwing you pointers here and there you'd become surprisingly good at it; who would've guessed you'd secretly be an artist in hiding? Not you that's for sure.

It was fun enough to help tide over the unsettling impatience that always started to bubble under your skin at least, specially on nights like this, where Kaeya, your boyfriend, who also happened to be the Calvary Captain for the Knights of Favonius was out at an ungodly late time, dealing with a suspicion of criminal activities, within the borders of Mondstadt.

He never broke his promises to you thus far, of which were he will always return safely home to you, but it never did fully destroy the raging thunder of worry that often seized your mind on a daily, who could blame you? The man was always in such dangerous predicaments. Who knew if this morning, or any morning for that matter, where you kissed him goodbye, would be the last time you ever would see his face when you waved him off?

It isn't his fault you know this, but you do wish that sometimes he would be cut slack, just a little, so you could for once not have to distract yourself with idle glances of your paintings while waiting for his return. If only every now and then Jean, The Acting Grand Master would just let him have a day off-

Click.

You jumped slightly upon hearing the noise of your front door not open, but actually close. Turning your head you saw Kaeya stood there, arms covering his chest in a crossed way, a raised brow prominent as he glared down at you. "How long have you been worrying?" His voice sounded so flat and monotone, almost a hint of exhaustion. Was he growing tired of your over worried nature?

"I... uh. uhm..." You were at a loss for words, how long had you been worrying exactly? Two, three hours now? You were unsure of the answer yourself. He shook his head and sighed out slowly, it was long and drawn out; he must be so tired from his work today, seeing you up at this hour acting like a child probably doesn't help his situation in the least.

You looked down sadly, feeling ashamed and guilty of yourself because you do this oh so often to him, he always prays your in bed, safely tucked up and lost in your own dreams before he gets home, but you never are, you're always awake and worried, your face far from the peaceful look he often daydreams you having.

"It doesn't matter anymore my little petal." He hums softly as he walks around the sofa to get within arms reach, crouching onto his own weight to scoop you up, your mind in shock you let the paintings slip from your grip and pool around the seat you were just in and the floor underneath you. "Whe- Kaeya?"

"Shh, it is time to head to the bedroom." He spoke so matter factually, which left you eyes wide and beet red, to which he glanced down and a smug chuckle slipped from him. "For sleep Y/N." You relaxed instantly, a sigh escaping you. "Unless of course, you want the other thing?" You squirmed, embarrassed beyond belief, he loved to teased you. "Quit it Kaeya!" You pouted at him, to which he just chuckled at lightly, planting a soft kiss on your head.

Once in the bedroom he drops you so you fall and sink into the softness of your mattress and covers, to which he joins you quickly after. Now both in bed he simply huffs as he turns and crawls around before you feel his head find its preferred resting place; your lap. You smile and gently chuckle. "May i?" He asks just a tad bit too late for permission.

"You're already laying there Kaeya, bit late for the formalities now." You roll your eyes and turn to blow the candle out, leaving you both in darkness and silence, just your soft and gentle breathing in unison as you stroke and massage his head, to which he groans gently in delight too. He is so sweet when he sleeps on your lap like this, you feel closer to him now than you ever normally do, unless you involve the factor of intimacy sexually.

Its calming and sweet, and it helps you remember that he will always keep his promise to you,

He will always come home safely.

[shingia]

hey no worries!! the other 3 for the fight hcs were iwa, omi, and tsumu!

✗ THEIR S/O GET’S SCARED DURING A FIGHT

ok i really hope this is what you expected because i’m afraid that i might have missed a detail in your request since i deleted it :// (if it’s not, feel free to tell me and request it again !) <33

-> bokuto, iwa, kuroo, yams, atsumu, sakusa

⊹ BOKUTO

• it was just a little argument that you two had on the phone. but bokuto had never raised his voice at you until now, and it was enough to make your stomach twist nervously

• when he entered your apartment about fifteen minutes later, bokuto thought you might have gone to bed already, so he tried to be as quiet as possible

• but no, you were still up, obsessing over the fight. and since you didn’t hear the front door open, you flinched when he entered the kitchen, instinctively stepping back until your back hit the counter

• bokuto’s frown of fatigue immediately vanished at the sight of you huddled in a corner, visibly scared

• « baby what’s wrong ? » he asked, not thinking for one second that you could be scared of him. but it only took one glance to your eyes for him to understand. and he was horrified

• « hey, it’s me ! look, it’s just me ! » he repeated, pointing at his face like it was so obvious that he would never ever hurt you

• your shoulders started to relax, but as much as he wanted to run to you for a hug, he only opened his arms and waited for you to come instead

• which you did, after a few seconds of pondering

• « i’m sorry i yelled. i’m so sorry, can you forgive me ? » he pleaded, bottom lip quivering as he remembered the fear in your eyes

• you were used to bokuto’s hugs, but this one was the tightest he had ever given you. and by far

• he refused to take his hands off of you for the rest of the evening, either stroking your back, your arms or just holding you close against him

• and he apologized about five more times before you two went to bed

⊹ IWAIZUMI

• iwa had wanted to punch many people in his life. but you had never ever been one of them

• however, he tended to be pretty expressive during your arguments. up to the point that you got genuinely scared when he slammed his hand on the table

• « oh come on i’m not gonna hit y- » he started, not realizing the extent of your fear until he saw your shaky hands. « hey… hey, come here. you know i would never hit you, right ? i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have done that »

• he felt like shit, obviously but the anger he felt towards himself would have to wait, because right now you needed his undivided attention

• he reached out his hand for you to grasp before gently pulling you in his embrace. his arms were barely touching yours, like he was afraid of being too abrupt

• « look, it’s forgotten. whatever it was i was mad about, it’s behind us. i promise » he told you, placing the softest kiss on top of your head.

• he wanted nothing more than to bring you to your bedroom and give you the best cuddle session of your life. but then again, he was scared that you might not be ready for that much physical contact

• so he decided that he would first give you a glass of water first, before asking you if you were comfortable cuddling with him

• and you were, although the glass of water had been much needed

• iwa had never been one to pepper you with kisses at the first opportunity, but today was an exception. and a big one

⊹ KUROO

• all it took was for kuroo to put his hand behind his neck in annoyance for you to take a step backwards

• « please don’t » he heard you mutter, eyes closed like you were expecting the worst

• his heart dropped to his stomach in less than a second. he had never thought he would ever see you react like that to something he did

• whatever he was previously mad at you for was long forgotten - the only thing that mattered was your shaking figure in front of his distraught eyes

• his hands cupped your cheeks with the greatest care as he looked for anything in your body language that could show you were uncomfortable

• but it seemed like your fear had passed, some of it at least. so he took a few steps towards you, little by little not to scare you, and leaned slightly so that your faces were at the same height

• he loved that you were smaller than him, but right now the last thing he wanted was too look down on you

• « no matter the circumstances, no matter how tired or upset i am, i would never even think about hurting you. do you understand ? »

• you nodded quietly, trying your best to hold his gaze. his hands were warm on your face, and it reminded you of all the times they had already touched you - always with infinite tenderness and never ever in a hurtful way

• « come here » he smiled, encouraging you to come closer

• as soon as he felt your head rest on his chest, he wrapped the both of you in his jacket, keeping you as close to him as humanly possible

• « we’re staying like this until one of us has to pee »

⊹ YAMAGUCHI

• never in a million years would you ever think yamaguchi could hit you. but it didn’t mean that it was impossible for you to get scared during your arguments

• they were so rare that it felt like he was seconds away from breaking up with you. and just the thought of that made you panic rather quickly

• yamaguchi was so caught up in his ranting that he was more talking to himself than you, really. but that’s also why he didn’t notice your obvious fear immediately

• you were nervously playing with your hands, giving him an absolutely terrorized look that got him to stop talking as soon as his eyes met yours. 

• but the sudden silence only made your fear grow stronger. this is it, you thought as your eyes began to fill with tears

• « please… » you implored with a shaky voice. his jaw slackened in shock. were you… scared of him ? your teary eyes sent a shiver down his spine - he had to make this right

• his cold hands wrapped around yours, holding them carefully as if they were the most precious of treasures

• « i’m sorry » he told you even though he was not really sure of what had scared you so much « are you… are you ok ? »

• the more seconds passed, the more scared he was. and as ironically as it sounded, he started to fear that you might want to break up with him

• hearts tight with apprehension, you two spoke at the exact same time : « please don’t leave me »

• just as you were about to pull the other in for a hug, you stopped in your tracks, taken aback by what had just happened. 

• yamaguchi let out a shy chuckle, and you were quick to do the same, both relieved that you two were still madly in love no matter what

⊹ ATSUMU

• atsumu was dramatic, you knew that. and it was one of the reasons why you loved him so much

• however, him being his dramatic self during a fight was definitely not something you were comfortable with

• he was very demonstrative, especially with his arms. and each of his movements made you fear the worst

• but the second he heard you whimper in fear, you can be sure that he immediately stopped moving, keeping his arms up for a few seconds while he stared at you with wide eyes

• « don’t hit me please » you pleaded, eyes shut closed like you were expecting his fist to land on your face any second

• atsumu absolutely refused to believe he had heard you right. but he had to face the facts : you were shaking like a leaf and your eyes were filled with apprehension

• he was always more than happy to initiate physical contact with you, but right now it felt like he was pulled towards you by an unknown force

• he didn’t even think about what he was doing, just wrapped his arms around your shoulders and rested his chin on your head like he was trying to hold as much of you as he could

• « what kind of sick bastard would hurt someone as cute as ya… » he muttered, not even expecting an answer « hey uh… can ya hug me back whenever ya feel like it ? just to let me know yer alright »

• you took a deep breath to calm your nerves, letting his cologne invade your sense of smell before slowly wrapping your arms around him

• atsumu let out a loud sigh, his chest rising and falling against your cheek. then, his hands made their way to your thighs before scooping you up and heading to the living room

• « here, i gotta make amends » he smiled before sitting you on the couch and slumping over you with the stupidest smile on his lips

⊹ SAKUSA

• you had never heard sakusa yell. and as much as you were glad to have a calm boyfriend, it also meant that he could get scary pretty fast during your arguments

• because quiet anger was often much worse than explosive anger

• you had noticed that his fists were clenched, but he was still not raising his voice and it seemed like he had no intention of doing so

• « this is seriously starting to piss me off… » he mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers, which only accentuated your feeling that his anger was just bottled up, and that it would eventually blow up

• so as soon as he raised a hand to run it through his hair, you let out a frightened gasp and stumbled backwards in panic

• sat on the floor, you didn’t dare to take your eyes off of him. and this was a sight that sakusa knew he would never forget. you looked terrorized, like a deer caught in the headlights

• the first thing he did was to kneel down to rest a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

• « are you ok ? » he asked, both referring to your fall and to whatever was going on in your mind « did i… did i scare you ? »

• the piteous sniffle that you let out broke his heart. and it was enough for him to pull you against his chest, letting you sit between his legs as he rested his chin on your shoulder

• he had never felt so guilty, and he was ready to spend hours holding you in his arms if needed

• « i love you. keep that in mind » he whispered, placing a quick kiss on your cheek « and i promise you, for as long as i live, nobody will ever lay a hand on you »

• he spent the rest of the day being the most attentive and cuddly he had ever been, even after you assured him that you were ok.

• and he even gave you two of his sweaters, just to make sure he was completely forgiven

@toworuu​ @catwithangerissues​

[sunmoonandeddie]

edge of the devil’s backbone

pairing: knight!bucky barnes x princess!reader

word count: 4,918

summary: Your knight has sworn to protect you always, even if that means committing a grave sin.

warnings: Smut, cussing, violence, murder, angst with a happy ending.

a/n:  Lol I really hope you enjoy this.  Bucky is kinda dark but??  Not really???  Also, I suggest listening to Devil’s Backbone by The Civil Wars while you read this.

It’s midnight when he slips into my room, Selene’s soft light guiding him to the bed where I lay, dozing peacefully amongst my mountain of pillows.

A slumber he hates to disrupt, but knows that he must.

To leave me without a word, without a goodbye and a promise to return one day when he can, would be the utmost betrayal to the delicate heart he holds in his hands.

“Princess,” he whispers.  Slinking through the room like a cat, he manages to not make a single noise loud enough to wake me.  It is not until his fingers gently brush against my cheek that my eyes flutter open.

“James?  What’s going on?” I ask, brows furrowing as I slowly push myself up on my elbows.  One hand holds the blanket to my chest, as though it’s anything he hasn’t seen before.

James is… familiar with my nightgowns, to say the least.

“I have to go,” he whispers, his hand shaking as he cups my cheek.  “I have to go before they catch me.”

“What?”  I lean into his touch instinctively, not even thinking about the strange wetness on his fingers that I feel.  “What do you mean?  What did you do?”  When my eyes adjust to the light, I realize what he means.

James’s white undershirt is stained with blood, the hot liquid smeared across his cheek like it is on mine now.

Letting out a squeak of alarm, I rush to look him over, trying to find any injuries to speak of.  “What happened?!  Are you okay?!”

“I killed him.”

I freeze, my hands pressing against his body through the thin fabric of his shirt.  Despite the chill of the oncoming winter, he is so, so warm.  Even with the knowledge he has given me, there is nothing I want to do more than drag him closer and make him cocoon himself around me to keep the cold away.  There is nothing that could ever make me not love him anymore.  Even murder.  I would still run to his embrace and spend the rest of eternity in his arms.

A foolish dream, considering our stations.

Even though James does love me the way I love him, my father would never allow a union between the two of us.  James has been my personal guard since I was young, barely five years old.  A peasant boy granted the honor of training to be a knight because he had found me after I had been kidnapped by bandits and kept for a ransom.  He’d just been fourteen at the time, and braver and smarter than my father’s entire army.

But no, none of that matters.  According to father, princesses must marry princes, who will make good kings.

Anyone with any sense could see that James was worth more than every prince and king put together.

“You killed him?  What him?” I ask, rushing to get out of bed to grab a rag.  I wet it carefully before moving to his side to gently clean off his face.  Even though I want answers, that doesn’t matter as much as getting him presentable again.

But he pushes my hand away, his sea blue eyes glimmering with something that causes a pit to form in my stomach.  “My princess…  My love…  I have to go,” he says, taking my hands in his and squeezing.  “I killed Prince Brock, and they will know it was me come morning.  I have to go…”

“James, don’t be ridiculous,” I scold as I try to start cleaning him off again, tugging to get his ruined shirt off.  “You need to change.  We’ll make it so they’ll have no idea it was you.”

James whispers my name, his bloody hand coming up to cup my cheek as though I am made of glass.  “They will know it was me, and regardless if they didn’t, the king would still pin it on me…  My affection for you is not exactly the world’s best kept secret…  And we both know how the maids like to gossip…”

Tears prick my eyes, and I shake my head desperately.  “No.  No.  You cannot leave, I forbid it!” I say, clutching onto him desperately.  “James, you cannot leave me.  Please, don’t leave me.”  My throat is suddenly dry and tight, my heart pounding within my chest so hard that I am sure I will not make it out without a few broken ribs.

A small price to pay if only my knight will stay by my side.

“You have stayed by my side for sixteen years, do not leave me now,” I order, trying to put on my most commanding voice.  I have been practicing for when I eventually become queen, but it has never ever worked on my most precious knight.

A choked laugh tears from James’s throat.  It’s harsh and broken, a far cry from the usual melody that I chase after.  “My love…  If I do not leave now, they will have me in the gallows by noon,” he says quietly, his forehead pressing against mine.  “Or worse, on the chopping block like a hen ready for the feast.”

I try to push the images from my mind, tears freely flowing down my cheeks.  “No.  No, they won’t know it was you.  Please, don’t leave me…  Or at least take me with you…  Please…”

“I need you to promise me something, princess,” he says as both his hands hold my face, his calloused thumbs rubbing against the tender skin under my eyes to get rid of wayward tears.  “If they catch me…  If I am sentenced to death…  Do not watch.  Do not watch them hang me or draw and quarter me or behead me, whatever it is, I forbid you.  Do you hear me?  I said, do you hear me?!”

“They can’t kill you, I won’t let them,” I sob, still somehow trying to get him to stay.  “I’m the princess, they have to listen to me.”

I have not gone a single day without seeing him in over sixteen years, and I do not plan to now.

But it seems as though there is nothing I can do to stop him.

The silk of my nightgown slides against my skin as I trace his features with my fingers.  “Will you come back to me?” I ask desperately after he denies my request another time.  “Once it is safe, will you please come back to me?  Come home?  I cannot live without you, without knowing you will come back to me one day…”

“I will,” he says reassuringly as he takes one of my hands and presses kisses over each fingertip, each neatly trimmed nail, each line in my palm.  “I will…  I swear to you…  But I could not let him live after today in the garden…”

“I am not angry with you,” I whisper reassuringly as I watch him, trying my best to memorize even the smallest of details.  “You swore to protect me… from anyone and everyone…”

“And I shall always keep my promise.”  He says it with such conviction, with such a fire in his eyes.  He always had, which is partially why I am not surprised that he punished the prince for his crimes against me.

When it comes to my safety, my happiness, James is the judge, jury, and executioner.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A growl rumbles in his throat as he pulls me closer, letting his eyes shut as he allows himself the comfort of knowing that Prince Brock had not gotten far enough to truly hurt me, to permanently mark me.  “I told him that nobody who touches you without your permission gets to keep their hands.  He didn’t believe me until about an hour or so ago,” he grumbles.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I can’t fight the giggle that erupts from my lips.  “My hero…,” I murmur as I look up at him.  As my eyes meet his, I am reminded that he needs to leave.  “I will miss you…  Please…  Try to find some way to write to me…”

“I will,” James says, his nose nudging against mine.  His blue eyes sparkle with tears as he swallows around the lump in his throat.  “Steven knows I am leaving…  He knows what I have done.  He is the one you can trust with your safety now, the only man I trust with your life, and he is outside your door now.”  Chapped lips press against my forehead for a lingering moment.  “I will write to him, and he will get the letters to you.  I swear on my life, princess.”

“Before you go…”  I take a deep breath.  “Before you go, will you grant me a kiss?  Just one…”

It is a request he does not think hard about, grabbing my face and kissing me so gently I think I may wither away from the sheer tenderness.  “I love you,” he says, stealing another kiss from my lips, over and over again.

It seems that now that he has started, he cannot stop.

Or will not.

I will not argue either away.

“I love you…  I love you more than words can say, James,” I say, fingers tangling in his long hair.

“I must take my leave, my darling… my dearest,” he breathes out.  “Before dawn comes and the lark sings…”  He stands, his weight disappearing from the bed, and a pang hits my heart.  “You must get sleep, my sweet nightingale.  Once they realize what has happened and that I have disappeared, they will question you for hours, I am sure, if not all day.  But rest well knowing that when you wake, I will be safe and waiting until I may come back for you.”

Tears roll down my cheeks as I hold onto his hand for as long as possible.  “I cannot watch you leave,” I whisper as I squeeze my eyes shut.

“You don’t have to, my love,” he says soothingly, pressing a kiss to my hair.  “Rest…  I will be home to you before you can even miss me…”

His hand slips from mine, and I do not hear him leave the room.  “James, please don’t leave me!” I say as I open my eyes, thinking he was still there.

But he had slipped through the door without a sound and left me alone in my cold bed.

My dearest,

It has been a month since I left you, and it has been the hardest month of my entire life.  I did not have the time to write to you until now because I was unable to get my hands on some parchment and a quill, and I had some trouble finding some place where your father and King Alexander could not reach me.

I cannot risk telling you precisely where I have had the luck to find myself, on the off chance that the letter is intercepted.  I cannot see why it would be, as it is carefully hidden with a letter written to Steven, but considering the man that I know your father can be…

Well, I am aware that I shall not need to explain more than that.

What I can tell you is that the sea here is beautiful.  The journey here was hard, filled with storms and a tumultuous sea, but it was worth it.  Though, it would be much better if you were with me to see it, my love, but you already know that.  Seeing the sun rise on the blue water—Water clearer than any I have ever seen before!—made me hopeful for the first time since I left your side.  In fact, the dress that you wore to your father’s last birthday feast is the exact shade of the sea here.  The soft sand reminds me of the gold trim, the white diamonds embedded in the leather…

Do you see what you have done to me, my love?  I miss you so, my heart longing to see you again, to hold you, that I have started to wax poetic about your gowns.

I cannot start on the way the flowers here remind me of the scarlet rouge you use to stain your cheeks and your sweet lips or I shall never stop.  But, I have dreamed of your lips each night, of the way that my name falls like a prayer, of the way you told me you love me…  I dream of kissing you again.  More mornings than not, I wake with tears on my cheeks because of the need I feel to have you close again.  I had waited for so many years to finally tell you how I feel, despite knowing the way we both felt it, and the night that I did, I had to leave.

It feels like a tragedy from one of those books you like to read so much.

One of the sailors on the ship guessed that I had left a woman behind that had broken my heart, and he told me that time would heal the gaping wound.  It was all I could do to explain to him that I had been the one to break both of our hearts, and that time could do nothing because I am counting the days until I may run to you again.

Time may also do nothing because of the depth of my adoration for you.

I wish that I could tell you where I am so that I may receive a letter in return.  I hope you do not regret what happened the night I left, the kiss.

I hope you will still want me, still love me, when I return to you.

All of my love,

Your James

My dearest,

It has been a year since I have seen you last, since I left your side, and I fear I am on the verge of dying if I cannot get a glimpse of your sweet face soon.

Despite writing to you every few weeks, I feel as though there is so much more I can say.  Every tiny little thing that occurs during my days, I wish to tell you.  I wish to tell you so you do not think that I am at the taverns, flirting with every wench that I set my eyes on.  Despite the way they bat their eyes, they can do nothing to even catch a glimpse from me because I am always picturing you.

Have you thought of me since that night?  I imagine you have had to, since I am writing to you and I am sure that Steven is getting these to you.  He may be a dunce in some things, but he is generally a capable man.

When I saw you in your bed that night, slumbering so peacefully, my first thought was that you looked like an angel.  I had been worried that I would be scared to touch you, to even set my eyes upon you, after what I had done.  But all I felt was reassurance that I had done the right thing.

I still cannot apologize enough for leaving you alone in that garden for so long.  Despite knowing that it technically wasn’t my fault, considering that the king had called for me to discuss the journey back home, I am wracked with guilt.  I should have had a servant fetch Steven to take my place while I was gone before I left.  But, I was naïve enough to assume that the palace guards that were present in the garden would protect a princess, even from their prince.

Coming back and seeing you so upset, panicking as he gripped your soft, sweet body hard enough to bruise…  I had realized when I looked at you that you thought I had abandoned you.

I hope you know that no matter where I am, I have not abandoned you.  I could never leave you forever, my dearest.

Your handkerchief no longer smells like you.  I had swiped it from your room as I left, needing something to comfort me on my journey.  I sleep with it pressed to my nose so that I may see you in my dreams.  But now it has lost your scent, and I have been on a search to find the perfume that you wear so that I may buy a bottle and need not worry about it losing your scent again, but alas, I have not been able to come across it.

I fear it would not smell exactly like you anyway, my love, and I would simply be disappointed.

I have pressed a few more flower petals to send to you, but I may not be able to send them again for a while, as winter will be here soon.  Even in this warm kingdom, it brings a chill that withers the flowers and crops.  Until then, I shall send you as many as possible.

All of my love,

Your James

My dearest,

It has been two years to the day, and I can only pray to whatever gods that I will be able to be with you forever soon.

Did you get my present?  I snuck into the palace after deciding that I couldn’t wait much longer to see you.  Even if I was not able to speak to you, just seeing your angelic face as you slept gave me a moment of peace.  My heavy heart was lightened.

You may need to hide the letters I write you better, it only took me seconds to find your hiding spot.  Of course, your father doesn’t know you as well as I do, so he most likely won’t think to check behind your mirror.

The necklace I left on your pillow is inlaid with pure opals and diamonds.  I had never heard of opal, I must admit, until I found my way here.  It is a great source of pride in this kingdom.  I knew the second I saw it that you would look absolutely stunning in it.

Perhaps you will wear it on our wedding day.

Every day I grow fearful that your father will find another suitor for you and force you to marry him before I can make it back to you.  I know how adept you are at avoiding the princes and lords that he shoves in your direction, but what can I say?  To see you with another man, even if you did not truly wish to be with him, would kill me.

I have been on a ship again for the last few weeks, so unfortunately there is not much to write to you about.  But please, know that you are in my thoughts every moment of every day.

All of my love,

Your James

My dearest,

I have just gotten the news of your father’s passing.

I am on my way home to you.

All of my love,

Your James

I sigh as I sit on the throne—my throne.  Mere hours before, I had been crowned as the new queen of my kingdom.

The scepter is heavy in my hand, the cold metal seeming to burn my skin.  How can I do this on my own?

My father raised me to be a queen, a wife, but not to rule.  I was raised to be the queen to a king, to support the man I end up marrying as he rules the kingdom.

But the only man I will ever marry is not here.

Steven is standing beside the throne, his hands clasped behind his back.  He has been good to me the last few years, as I have waited desperately for the day that my love, my true knight, will come home to me.  “You are troubled,” he says quietly as the both of us watch the nobility dance in magical patterns that draw the eye and lift the spirits.  “You should be excited, Your Majesty.  Today is a day of great celebration.”

“He isn’t here,” I say.  It’s all I need to.  His last letter is pressed against my breast, hidden inside my gown.  The necklace he left for me is heavy around my neck, the precious jewels glinting in the light.  “He said he was coming so where is he?”

The prince that had been seeking my hand before my father died is present, his gaze continuously finding me as he slowly works his way closer.  Over the past weeks, I’ve been able to avoid his advances with claims of my grief.

As if I could ever truly grieve a man as cruel as my father.

“It is possible his ship may have been caught in a storm,” Steven comments, trying to soothe my anger.  He has seen how unstable my emotions can be when James is not close by.  “He will be here.  You know he will, my queen.”

I am growing more and more annoyed as I realize that I will soon be expected to join the dancing.  But dancing is the last thing I want to do without my love there.

Beside me, Steven tenses, and I watch as his blue eyes flit around the room.  “Interesting…,” he says under his breath, almost too low for me to hear.

“What is it?” I ask, sitting up a little straighter.

“It appears that your latest suitor has disappeared.”

What?  Brows furrowing, I look around the room, pointedly searching for Prince Quentin for once.  Sure, he is a handsome man, but his blue eyes are forgettable when I compare them to James’s.  “Well, perhaps he found some maid to consort with in the gardens,” I say with an eye roll, quickly giving up on the search.  “It is not as though he is getting any sort of connection from me.  Let him have his fun.”

Steven snorts, his head dipping for a moment.  “I think it is time for you to join the dancing,” he says simply, in a tone that makes me wonder what he has up his sleeve.

He knows something that he is not telling me.

“Fine,” I say with a glare in his direction, getting to my feet.  I hand my new scepter off to the servant who has immediately rushed to my side, the song currently floating in the air coming to an end.  A new one begins as I step into the fray, easily joining the dance.

I am so swept away in the swirling skirts and joyous laughter of the crowd that I do not notice the man that had joined the dancers on the other side.

Passing from partner to partner, I keep a fake smile plastered on my face and absentmindedly nod with everything that is said to me.

“It has been a long time, my love.”

My eyes snap up to focus on the man whose arms I have just been passed into, and my heart stops inside of my chest.  “James?” I breathe out.  My eyes well up with tears just at the sight of his loving face, his sea blue eyes sparkling in the bright light of the ballroom.  “James, is it really you?”

His smile is almost blinding, and I realize that his own eyes are glassy as well.  “It is me, my princess.  Or should I say, my queen?”  Despite the rest of the people around us switching partners, he refuses to let me go, his hand tight on my hip and the other holding my hand firm.  “I saw your coronation this morning.  You looked radiant.  You still do, my dearest…”

I barely notice the world around me as I watch his tongue flick out between his teeth to wet his chapped lips.  “You were there?”

“Of course I was,” he chuckles, his large hand squeezing my hip.  “Do you really believe that I could ever even risk missing your coronation, sweetheart?”  Feeling the crowd’s stares, he leans in a little.  “Meet me in the garden in a few moments.  By the gazebo.”

Twirling in time with the music, my heart sinks as I am passed to the next partner and the next.  My hands are trembling with the fear that he could disappear again.  Logically, I know that he won’t.  But after spending so many years away from him…

“Go,” Steven says after I finally break away at the end of the dance.  “He is waiting for you.”

I don’t need to be told twice.  As I make my way to the corridor to slip out to the gardens, I have to reassure several servants that I am alright, but just escaping for a fresh breath of air.

The gazebo he told me to meet him at is further back in the garden, out of view from any of the palace windows.  His dark figure stands at one of the railings, looking out at the ocean.  The necklace around my neck burns as I take a moment to look at him, really look at him.  His hair is longer than it was when he left, and stubble lines his face.

Did he shave just for me?

I like the thought of him preparing to see me, nervously checking his appearance in the mirror.  Perhaps he bought a new jacket and waistcoat in his excitement.

“James?”

He turns to look at me immediately, a smile brightening his face, and I feel as though I am a teenager again, fresh with the feelings of love and adoration.  “My dearest…”  He does not waste any time as he pulls me close, his lips slotting against mine and his hands roaming over my body.  “I have missed you…  I have dreamt of you each night.”

And I know that anyone could come out and see us at any moment.  And I know that the gossip would run rampant and the possible alliance with Prince Quentin’s kingdom could crumble.

But I do not care.

I have been craving his touch for years, praying to the gods he would come home and hold me just as he is doing now.

“I need you.  I need you, James,” I say as my hands tug at his jacket and push it off his shoulders, going for his waistcoat next.

Thankfully, he does not argue.  “You’ve dreamt of this as much as me,” he says in relief as he unties my corset enough to tug it down to reveal my chest to him.  James chuckles as he catches his letter as it falls.  “You kept this so close to your heart, my love.”  Seeing the letter only makes him more ravenous, his lips attaching to my neck as he works his breeches down.

Pain runs through me as he sits and pulls me on top of him, finally joining our bodies together, but I don’t take the time to care.  The glory of finally being with him is far greater than any pain I could ever feel.

We are so tangled that you cannot tell where one of us ends and the other begins as he moves me, taking his pleasure and granting me my own.

“You’re mine,” he growls, nipping at my neck.  “That sorry excuse for a prince thought he could touch you.  Thought he would ever be worthy enough for you.”

It suddenly occurs to me that his arrival and Prince Quentin’s disappearance were correlated, and I see a drop of blood on his white undershirt.

It tears a moan from my throat.

The knowledge that a man as powerful, as strong, as my knight would protect me in such a dangerous manner, so desperately, sends a jolt down my spine.  The fact that he is willing to go to the ends of the earth, to commit such a sin…

It is delicious.

The dagger he must have used glints in the low light of the moon as it rests on the stone floor, having fallen from his breeches when they’d been torn down.  The sharp edge is crusted with a dark red, almost brown substance.

“I am all yours.  I have always been yours, my knight,” I say as my fingers tangle in his hair and pull, our lips locking.  “I love you.  I love you so.  I cannot breathe without you.”

“I am never leaving you again.  Never.”  His teeth grab onto my lower lip as he picks up the pace, grinning as he glances down to watch my body.  “Fuck…  It’s even better than I dreamed of.  I love you so much, my queen.”

My release is fast and hard, knocking the breath out of my lungs as I cling to him, my nails scratching at his back and creating a rip in his shirt.  “JAMES!”

James is quick to follow, his hips jerking as he reaches his peak and spills inside of me.  “Perhaps you will become heavy with my child,” he whispers as he steals another kiss, tenderly fixing my dress before helping me stand and dressing himself.  “Perhaps we will have a little prince or princess on the way.”

“Well…”  A smile spreads over my face as I cup his cheeks, running my fingers over the dark stubble.  He would look so delectable with a beard.  “In case you have not been informed, I have been made queen…  And I decree that you are to be my king.”

A laugh bubbles in his chest as he pulls me close once more, dipping me low and kissing me something fierce.  “Your wish is my command, my dearest.”

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

liar liar pt. 2

request: I have a request, the reader is dating Spencer, and she and JJ are the ones that know that Emily faked her death. I’m thinking of it taking place in “It Takes A Village,” and she has to deal with Spencer being upset with her, like he was with JJ, but it has a fluff ending? Thanks!

for: @flklrevrmre

word count: 2,192                                                                                     reading time approx: 9 mins

a/n: i hope you enjoy this ending ;) and i’m elated to have so many new friends on my taglist.

masterlist

pt. 1

My ring finger traced the circumference of the wine glass I was drinking out of, while my eyes followed the marble trails of Rossi’s countertop. The team was giggling and chatting amongst themselves as I secluded myself. My thoughts were captured by my insecurities, paralyzing every fun bone I had in my body. Occasionally, I would contribute to their conversations, but only enough that I didn’t make myself seem bereaved. 

After a while, it became apparent that I wasn’t participating in the festivities, which conjured Emily and JJ to step away from the group, joining me. “Hey…” JJ eased into small talk, stuffing her hands into her pocket as she approached me. I replied with a light smile, their presence uplifting my current state. 

I knew what they wanted to say. I knew what they were going to ask. 

Spencer. 

“How are you holding up Y/N?” Emily hesitantly brought herself into the conversation. They both gazed at me with doe eyes, tenderness evident in their touch as they resided beside me. 

I took my lip in between my teeth, shaking my head as the fatigue had finally caught up to me. My chest throbbed from being sore all week, my shoulders were frail from being uneasy all the time, and my heart burned with self-reproach. With every passing day, I felt my limbs grow limp and my soul go numb. In contradiction, the two halves of my brain battled one another till my doubts were left to torment me further. 

With the silent response, JJ and Emily shared glances of disquietude, pondering their next steps. “Y/N?” JJ called out softly, laying a tender hand on top of mine. “You took a burden alone. That doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone,” she murmured, nodding to Emily. 

“Y/N, I can’t help but feel like this is my fault,” Emily lamented. “I just...tell me that there’s a way I can help.” 

“There’s nothing either of you can do…” I smiled bitterly, glancing at both of them. I squeezed JJ’s hand, feeling a film cast over my eyes. “And Emily, you had to protect Declan,” I empathize, using my other hand to pull her into a side hug. “I would’ve done the same.” 

“I can tell,” Emily looked at me with somber reverence. “Especially for what you did for Spence.” 

Another pang hit the center of my chest, making my ribcage sting. The mention of his name made my skin crawl instead of making my heart flutter like it used to. I wordlessly winced at Emily’s notice, trying to conceal it the best I can. “And I would do it again,” I declared, meaning every word. “I’d burn the entire world if it meant making sure that he isn’t alone. I...I know what it feels like to be confined in your head--it’s something me and him share. It’s a merciless place.” 

“You really do love him, don’t you?” 

“More than I can ever fathom.” 

I  stared at the ceiling, letting my tears travel back inside of my head. I shut my eyes, feeling a deep burn envelop my eyelids from all the crying I’ve done previously. “I spoke to him,” Emily brought up. 

My attention instantly shifted to her, prompting her to elaborate. “I spoke to him when we wrapped up that case in New York,” she explained. I unknowingly leaned over, listening intently to her story. “We had a conversation about everything--you. I won’t get into details because that’s between you and Spencer, but I did encourage him to come tonight.” 

My nerves did small somersaults, unable to process the new piece of information. “Are you sure?” I falteringly asked. 

“I’m sure he’ll come.” 

But he didn’t. 

A few hours had passed, and there was no evidence of Spencer’s attendance. With another disappointment, the burden of my thoughts pried at my most vulnerable parts. 

I had enough. 

I rose from my seat, bidding everyone adieu as I excused myself to the backyard. Amid the formalities, I assured everyone of my well-being and that I would return soon. Their persistent objections were loud, loud enough to stifle the opening of the front door as I stepped outside.

I felt the cool air caress my shoulders while crickets chirped a nightly symphony. The moon glowed with elegance, and stars painted the sky in an ethereal light. From a distance, it looked as if the planets were mere neighbors greeting one another. 

It was beautiful; it took me out of the confines of my mind. 

Chatter can still be heard in the background, but somehow it blended nicely with the lively sounds of night creatures. Although what I didn’t realize was the thump of approaching footsteps behind me. 

“Hey,” muttered a hushed voice. 

The instant I recognized the presence, my entire body stiffened. The inside lights cast a shadow on the wooden porch I sat on, displaying a lanky silhouette on the ground. I couldn’t bring myself to move, let alone speak. My tongue was pierced against the roof of my mouth, petrified to unpack the situation at hand. 

He responded to my silence with a reluctant step towards me. Even in our circumstances, I can still feel his presence lingering on the soft skin of my back, making the little hairs stand. Our proximity was slowly closing in with every soft thud until he was eventually situated next to me. 

I unconsciously looked over my shoulder, opposite of him, to avoid his curious stare. I shut my eyes, isolating myself in my mind in the hopes that this was a dream. But the frequent trembles of my stomach told me otherwise. 

“Y/N?” he called out delicately. “Y/N...please,” he attempted to brush my hand with his fingers, but by instinct, I retracted them with swiftness. A bolt of electricity shot up my arm from Spencer’s touch, a cruel remeberance of the fervor we used to share. My fingertips shivered at the loss of contact, but the static sensation remained. 

“Y/N, I know that you probably don’t want to talk to me--and you have every right to…” he babbled. “...but I just--please just listen to me.” 

But I refused, every word that fell from his supple lips made the echo in my head boisterous. 

I was a mistake. 

I was a mistake. 

I was a mistake. 

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling my abdomen clench in misery. The sensation traveled deep into my chest, pulling me in different directions. My throat cinched up, and the coldness wandered all over my body. Every muscle in me cried out in anguish, unable to persevere through the exhaustion that I’ve let consume me. 

“Y/N-” 

“Please just go…” I whispered, choking on the aching sobs rising in my esophagus. 

“I’ll leave...I promise,” he muttered in a pained voice. “But just...please, let me say this.” 

Newfound tears threatened to spill over my eyes, the sorrow in his voice creating a void in me. With the little compassion I had left, I turned around facing his direction. Although I didn’t dare to acknowledge his gaze, instead, I settled my attention on the wood below. 

“I know that it’s hard to get through to me, and I know I get stuck in my head,” he began, lowering his head. “You and I both know how hopeless it gets being alone there.” 

He twiddled his fingers as he spoke, an implication of his distress. An infinitesimal part of me still yearned to comfort the man, to ease his worries away, but I didn’t have to courage to do so. 

“When I get into that space, I get...I get frightened by the doubts that my mind conjures up,” he admits. “Everyone looks at me as the genius--the expectation given to me. But, only you and JJ look at me for who I am instead of who I must be for the team.” 

His voice started to crack in between his words, his deliverance laced with dejection and bitterness. I rang my fingers over the textured floorboards, distracting myself from the swelling ache in my heart. 

“But you Y/N…” he whispered, gazing at me with a rueful adoration. “You alone bring so much light into the obscurity of my mind. You...you make all my pains go away with nothing but a glance of your smile, ” he chuckled pitifully. “Y/N, you-” 

“You told me I was mistake…” I croaked, ignoring the sharp twinge in my throat. 

I finally met his gaze with a weary expression. His hair was slightly disheveled, and the bags encompassing his eyes were prominent. But it was the torment evident in them that was the most striking. His irises failed to gleam of their usual autumn hazel, and the golden specks scattered across the tender hue were dull. 

“I...I know,” he struggled to admit. “But, I was wrong-” 

“You...you told me I was your biggest mistake,” I reiterated, my voice coming off shaky and unstable. “Reid, you…” I paused, my pitch elevating as a whimper loomed to escape my lips. “You hurt me...so much, Reid.” 

I scoffed, my vision going blurry from impending tears. Spencer hung his head in remorse, combing his hand through his curls as he attempted to keep his composure. An uneasy silence ensued that not even the blissful sounds of wildlife can mask the tautness in the air. 

“I...I know,” he muttered quietly. “JJ, she told me the truth after our...after what happened at the station during the case,” he confessed. “You did all that...you took all the blame, just, so I had someone to be there with me.” 

I sighed, shutting my eyes at his admission. “I didn’t...I couldn’t bear the thought of you going through it alone,” I affirmed. 

“But you…” Spencer paused, shaking his head at himself. “You...did it all alone.” 

All of my guards fell at the utterance of his words. My heart throbbed, and my chest ultimately gave out. Suppressed sobs wracked my entire being, slipping past my tired lips with ease. My head felt faint, and my shoulders slumped. Agony coursed throughout my body, feeling it prick every inch of my skin. 

Spencer shifted next to me in an instant, engulfing me in his arms. There I wailed and cried every tear that was humanly possible. I set free the entrapped painful sentiments I’ve burrowed under my stubbornness, and I let the numbness drift out of my body. All that was left was the carcass of my grief and an apprehensive heart. 

“I’m sorry Y/N...I’m so sorry,” Spencer repeated, cradling me back and forth while he tried to mask his whimpers. 

For most of the night, we stayed in each other’s embrace as the moonlight graced our figures. My face was delved into the cleft of his neck, and his chin laid snugly on my head. The rise and fall of my chest was still erratic, but it was in a much healthier state than before. Our combined breathing was the only distinguishable sound floating in the air after we had steadied ourselves. 

The party inside was subdued, and the chatter was nonexistent. The lights were still on, but it seemed that the team had moved elsewhere to celebrate their festivities. Before long, the quiet around us ceased as Spencer broke the silence. 

“Y/N?” Spencer whispered. 

I nudged my face further into his neck, prompting him to continue. 

“What I said...the horrible things that I told you, you have to know that they’re not true,” he lamented, taking my balled-up fists into his palms. “Y/N, you’re far from a mistake. The biggest mistake I’ve made to date is making you believe that,” he croaked. 

“Spencer...what you did-” 

“Wait--just--let me finish,” he nodded, playing with my hands. “Y/N, you bring color into what I see...yo-you bring color into everything that I do,” he professed, stumbling over his words. “You make it easy to wake up every day and do what we need to do because I know I get to wake up next to you.” 

His lips began to tremble, and his hands began to shake. Instinctively, I cupped his hands and brought them close to my chest. 

“I…I love you...so much, Y/N,” he whimpered. “And I hate myself for making you feel like you were comparable to anyone else, or that you were insignificant.” 

I pressed small kisses to his knuckles, knowing that it would calm him down. I felt a pang hit my torso in Spencer’s discomfort, igniting the part of me that longed to console him. I observed the collapse of his stature and the decomposed state of his demeanor, his appearance visibly in plight. 

“Truth be told, Y/N. You are the most significant thing in my life…” he whispered. “You make me whole.” 

As he finished his declaration, tears welled up in both our eyes for the last time. “Spence…” I breathed, basking in the warmth that his eyes radiated, despite his desperation. 

“Loving you...is one of the greatest thing I will ever do.”

-

taglist: @rexorangecouny @howdycharlie @honeymilk-4 @linthebinbag @andreasworlsboring101 @ssareidbby @kyleetheeditor @tclaerh @jimilogy @lulwaxim @jhillio @m3ssytrash @haylaansmi @meowiemari @ashwarren32​ @spencerwaltergubler​

‘liar liar’ taglist: @lieswithoutfairytales​ @foreveryoungxx3​ @goldentournesol​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @kenny-0909​ @andiebeaword​ @hercleverboy​

tags that don’t work: @crazymar15 @nighttimerain123

[legolasbadass]

A Lifetime Apart [1/3]

Artwork by the lovely @gwen-ever​

Relationship: Thorin x OC

Summary: Thorin meets his One while still a young prince in Erebor, but their lives are torn apart by their families and the arrival of Smaug. 

Based on Alice Tynan’s interview with Richard Armitage in ‘The Vine,’ this fic was inspired by @gwen-ever’s wonderful art for the @tolkienrsb 2021! 

Warnings: Angst. Seriously guys, this is really angsty, get your tissues ready. (gwen and I are not sorry lol)

Rating: T

As always, the fic can be read on AO3. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 

There is a room in Erebor, a secret place where once their love bloomed in peace. All the memories of that place, where he held her and worshipped her with his lips, were forever engraved in his mind. It was there that, after months of struggling with his feelings, he had realized she was his One.

All Dwarves know that Mahal sometimes creates two of his children from the same stone, bonding them for life. Of course, not all Dwarves marry. Even those granted this honour by their Maker do not always choose to marry, for some value friendship above all other bonds, while others devote themselves to their craft. Still, as a young boy, Thorin had hoped Mahal would deem him worthy, and every night he had dreamt of the moment he would meet his One, conjuring their likeness like an artist who paints a picture and gives it life.

He had also wondered what it would feel like to meet his One. Would he know immediately? And how would he know? Perhaps it would be like in those romance novels his sister liked so much. A tender, all-consuming look from across the room, silently reassuring the other that they had found each other at last.

Perhaps due to long hours in the council chamber, Thorin had become more of a realist as the years went on. He always had to be on his guard, and he learned quickly that he could not trust his desires, for they could be manipulated by advisors and enemies alike. Romanticism was fine for artists but not for princes. The idea of a destined love became no more than a child’s fanciful dream, and Thorin grew gradually less opposed to the concept of an arranged marriage until the thought of it did not bother him at all. After all, his parents had been married for a political alliance and had still grown to care for each other. Thorin knew he would do the same.

At least, that was what he had told himself before he met Rúna, his dear Rúna.

He did not know immediately that she was his One, but from the moment their gazes met, he knew he would never again be the same. Her presence had so bewitched him that he had not realized he was walking toward her until she stood right in front of him. Then, stumbling over his every word, he had thought himself defeated, oblivious to the fact that she felt the same indescribable pull toward him.

“Thorin, at your service,” had been his first words to her.

“Rúna, daughter of Ragni, your highness,” she had replied with a curtsy, enchanting him all the more with her melodious voice.

“I hope you are having a pleasant time, Lady Rúna.” Already, he had loved the way her name rolled off his tongue.

“More pleasant than you, at least, seeing as you have found nothing better to do than stare at me from across the room,” she had replied teasingly.

Blushing furiously, he had attempted to remain formal and composed but, ultimately, had failed miserably. “I had hoped that would go unnoticed, or at the very least, that you would humour me and pretend like nothing had transpired. And just because I was watching you does not mean I am not having a pleasant time. On the contrary, my spirits were lifted by the sight of your fairness.”

Thorin could still remember the beautiful blush that had painted her cheeks. “Forgive me,” he had said hastily. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I did not say I did not enjoy it,” she had replied with the most enchanting smirk.

That was how their conversations usually unfolded. Thorin, who always prided himself on being in control and always knowing what to say, would find himself barely able to think. He blamed her low-cut gowns and the redness of her lips for that.

They soon became inseparable. Every day, they would meet in their secret room, a haven where they shared stolen kisses and soft caresses. Âzyungel, she would call him, for she, too, had accepted Mahal’s will. She had accepted Thorin as hers, and in those moments, both of them had believed nothing would ever separate them, for they were destined to be together.

Deep in the caverns of his mind, a voice called out to Thorin, warning him against the intensity of his passion, but he did not listen. He found himself thinking of her at the most inappropriate times, and she haunted the nights he wished he could spend with her. When he closed his eyes, he saw her smile and heard her laughter, clearer than the soft splashing of water against limestone rocks.

What would it be like to spend his whole life with her, his Rúna?

Thorin thought with utter surety that he would soon know when they announced to their families their intent to wed. At first, everyone was overjoyed. Rúna came from a wealthy and respectable family, so the king had no objections to his grandson’s choice — not that any of that mattered to the couple. Ale and Dorwinion wine flowed freely as the news travelled through the mountain. The prince had chosen his princess.

Thorin and Rúna welcomed their families’ approval, but they secretly longed to be alone once more. When at last they found themselves in the comfort of Thorin’s chambers, they drank some more wine between languid kisses, committing the moment to memory. Fingers braided hair then caressed the skin they hastily revealed, their cheeks tainted with the soft glow of love.

That night, like their hearts forever bound, their bodies became one. Thorin was gentle, attentive to her every need, and even afterwards, he continued to bathe her in tenderness, scattering kisses all over her skin as they murmured promises of eternal love to each other, bodies entangled.

Rúna fell asleep to the soft lullaby of his heartbeat beneath her cheek, and though she never doubted for a second his sincerity and devotion, those promises were never fulfilled.

Rúna knew they should have been patient, and although she was usually very sensible, she had not known how to resist her handsome prince, especially not when his body had promised her glorious passion, now and for the rest of their lives. Besides, it was not as though premarital relations were unheard of. However, princes had to follow much stricter rules. And these rules had been carelessly ignored. And as the days went on, Rúna knew she would not have the luxury of keeping their transgression a secret, for inside her bloomed the product of her and Thorin’s love, but also the cause of their demise.

Even if it had not been for her growing belly, her morning sickness and alarmingly fluctuating moods would have given her away. And they did. She had never seen her parents so furious, and their disappointment pierced her heart. Her father shouted about her stained reputation and their ruined bloodline, leaving her in tears as she tried to scramble away in search of Thorin even as she knew it was hopeless.

She knew they would separate them.

King Thror, with the support of Thorin’s parents, banished Rúna from Erebor, never to see her beloved again. She tried to fight them, indignation festered inside her like a poisoned wound, the unattainable promise of Thorin’s love shattering her heart into a million pieces, but it was hopeless.

They did not inform Thorin of this, for it was their firm intention never to let him know about the bastard child. Instead, they told him she was bedridden while they conjured up a more permanent plan. And so, unaware that his One had been taken from him, Thorin brought flowers to Rúna’s door every day. He hated every moment he was forced to spend away from her — it felt unnatural — but he consoled himself by thinking that they would spend their whole lives together.

Then the dragon came.

Thorin had been out hunting in the woods with his siblings when a strong wind began to rattle the treetops. Then a roar like thunder split the sky, and the blood of Thorin’s veins froze when he heard a shout from afar.

“Dragon!”

Rúna.

Without so much as a glance at his companions, Thorin bolted toward the mountain, fear clogging his throat.

Refusing to believe this was real, he did not even stop when the gates loomed above him, riddled in flames, but the screams piercing his ears grounded him to the bitterness of reality. The air was wrought with the stench of burning flesh and the sorrow of a broken people. All around him, children cried in fright, and mothers wept while the distant ringing of useless steel announced their defeat.

No help came from the Elves that day, nor any day since; a betrayal Thorin never forgot. Even if there had been survivors still clawing for breath inside the mountain, they had no means to reach them.

Rúna.

Thorin searched for her everywhere, shouting her name until his lungs burned, but when the moon appeared, and she was still nowhere to be found, Thorin knew it was hopeless. Grief crashed over him like a hurricane.

He had lost her.

He wanted to tear the sky open and demand retribution from Mahal himself, but all his remaining strength he used to remain on his feet. He had to be strong for his people — what remained of them. His family had miraculously survived, but even that could not have filled the gaping hole where his heart had once beat.

Rúna, his dear Rúna. The memory of her lips against his turned to ash in his mouth. When he had last kissed her and held her, he had done so thinking he would have a lifetime to keep loving her. But she was now no more than a memory.

He forced himself not to think of that, for his people needed him now more than ever. Only once he was finally alone did he let his tears run free, and all through the night, he sobbed into his pillow, his only comfort the memories of their secret room, untouched by fire and blood. Thorin held onto those memories all through the years, never forgetting, never forgiving.

—

Khuzdul translations:

Âzyungêl: Love of Loves (used here to refer to the Dwarven belief in a single, destined soulmate)

Taglist: @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @mcchiberry @bitter-sweet-farmgirl​ @i-did-not-mean-to​

Let me know if you’d like to be added to my taglist!

[inviouswriting]

Family with you

Simeon x fem!reader

Some light smuts mixed in, but mostly fluff. Nothing graphic but enough to be cut.

If mc was already a mother when arriving to Devildom with their child. Needed something for myself too. 

TW: for reasoning behind the father figure not in as a result of them leaving, or uninterested. Abandoning mc. 

When you had first arrived at Devildom, the others were surprised to the child with you. Looking no older than between five to seven and hiding behind you. Lucifer was first to be taken aback by this exchange, and Diavolo immediately is dropping down to say hello.

Things progressed as they normally did afterwards. You had a stronger backbone when it came to threats and reminded the demons that you’ll have their horns and wings if anything happened to your child. 

You are single, and comforted your child as best as you can in a world full of demons. Diavolo set up a special way for your child to be cared for while you attended RAD. Spending time with Barbatos, to learn from him rather than be around all the chaos.

When you met Simeon, it was like something clicked between you two. Barbatos had brought your child to you at the end of the day, and Simeon is already enamored by them. His eyes shined at seeing them, and you feel trusting of the angel. Luke sees a potential friend, close in age, able to relax, though he felt more like an older brother figure. 

“Why not visit us a little more?” Simeon offers, and you take him up on the offer for any peace and quiet from House of Lamentations. A steady relationship bloomed between you and Simeon. Alot of the time spent guiding both Luke and your child in the right directions.

When Simeon asked how your child came to be, you felt your face hot at mentioning everything prior to Devildom, whether a joyful one or a unpleasant. Your child was someone you never regretted, even out of wedlock. 

Simeon understood the question he asked was personal, and remembered how it sounded from an angel.

“I mean genuinely, I am not asking you or putting you under a confessional. I am just curious, do you have anyone in your life... in the human world?” You see the dusting of pink on his face, and it clicks for you.

“No, they’re not in the picture anymore.” At your words Simeon takes your hands into his own, realizing he has a full chance. 

“Would you go on some dates with me then?” You are surprised at this, and want to say yes, but your eyes drift to your child playing a game with Luke. 

“I’d love to, but who would watch them?” You haven’t quite trusted the brothers, the closest one you feel you could is Beelzebub, and Asmodeus. 

“I think Barbatos can, he does enjoy both Luke and your child. I’m sure it would be fine to escape for an evening.” He offers solutions, and you agree to a date.  Agreeing was easier than the actual planning.

The night arrived, and you are dressed nicer than you normally are. Asmodeus being supportive and helped with an outfit that accents a Ristorante Six date. Simeon took care of arranging Luke and your child to be with Barbatos to learn how to cook some things together.

All that was needed was you, so Simeon met you at the restaurant. When he first saw you, he thought you really are an angel in disguise. Once inside, you talk about your life prior to Devildom, him learning more about the things you’ve gone through to raise this child, the hardships you’ve faced and he feels more protective of the idea of being with you.

Simeon walked with you for hours afterwards, you went back to House of Lamentations to drop off food you had leftovers from to Beelzebub. Promising him at least a dessert. The rest of the evening was spent walking through the city portion with Simeon. Getting to know him, his ranking as an angel, how he is raising Luke almost as a child of his own.

“More like grandson.” He amuses aloud, and you gently poke his sides. A moment is stilled between you and he takes his first kiss with you overlooking the Devildom.

After that first date, many more were had, till you are sure you are inseparable to Simeon as much as your child is so fond of Luke. 

When you became so entangled in your angels life and him in yours. You find yourself yearning for the love you two have made. Seeing him fall head over heels with your child, you laugh at moments when he is tender and gentle teaching them different ways. 

There have been only a few fights, only when it came to how you chose to raise your child. A little more firmness than Simeon letting Luke have free reign to learn from his own mistakes. You still had a role as a mother, and reminded Simeon that it works for him, but not for you in some aspects. You reminded your child of boundaries whenever Luke showed discomfort in sharing something.

After an evening of sharing insecurities with Simeon, explaining how hard it has been being alone. He runs his hands through your hair to remind you, you are not alone anymore. You question if he finds you attractive, the hour late, and you both knew Luke and your child sound asleep.

Simeon expresses his desires in you, even when you shyly bared yourself to him, he graciously kissed any marks left on your body from carrying those years ago. Didn’t care of your breasts were a little uneven, or what others have said as a “mom” body. Whether you were skinny or you never lost the weight, belly that sagged or didn’t look right to yourself.

“This is the result of the miracle you have brought into the world. And you are far more beautiful than you realize.” Simeon looks over every spot of you, blue eyes curious to the scars he may see, whether you had a rough pregnancy, or the scars left to save you both. He leaves no spot unkissed, letting you feel truly seen and loved more than the first time a man took interest only to leave later on.

Simeon sees the faint hurt in your eyes when it is reflected after kissing a spot that flared a memory. He replaces that memory with his own touch, reminding you that he loves you even as he loves you till you are clutching his bedsheets or pillows.

In the morning you feel wonderful, renewed and shy as those dark arms are wound around you possessively. Simeon not wanting to let go of you yet, your eyes being greeted to his face first thing, blue eyes meeting yours. 

You tease each other, tease long enough that Simeon coaxes you into a softer session with him in the shower together. Where he holds you up against the wall and any of those smut novels never compared to the things an angel has done to you.

When you broke the news to both Luke and your child about your relationship, Luke is surprised and almost unsure, questioning Simeon about whether he wants to risk his job as an angel. Simeon refutes this with.

“There are no risks involved, I’m in love.” You realize he could lose his wings.. you don’t want to make him choose. Your child on the other hand looks at Simeon with love in them. That an angel could literally be their father.

“Does this mean you’ll get married?” The thought crosses your mind with Simeon glancing to you, perhaps hopeful of your thoughts on the idea.

“It might mean that, if he wants to be.” You feel a squeeze in your hand from Simeon, and you catch his gaze. He is successful in the things he does, and he shines unique as an angel.

“I would love that. To have a family with you. Perhaps once we are in the human world?” Simeon asks, and you nod to make that a goal. 

The path to marriage was longer, going through so much, that the evening when Simeon actually asks you to marry him, you thought he was joking. It was on his birthday, and you had spent the day with him. Luke and your child set up a pleasant surprise for you both, getting Barbatos and Diavolo in on this unique exchange.

“Of course!” You are happy to no end and Simeon is relieved. The ceremony is held on the spot, as a more private exchange. The brothers agreed once you had chosen Simeon solely.

It isn’t until you were given a honeymoon to Diavolo’s private island that the need for your angel was truly awakened. Spending almost every day with him and night finding out just how much Simeon wanted you more than you realized. You wondered how much he held back from the first time you were together. 

Soon you settle into a routine with the new life with Simeon. That it surprised you when you found out you are pregnant again. Fear rises in you, as this was the scenario you had the first time. Perfectly happy, then it came crashing down when the other half didn’t want to be involved.

So you hide it from Simeon, for now. You wanted to wait before you told him, to see if your body could handle another. It isn’t until you are lying down fatigued that Simeon catches on. His fingers are tender as they touch your stomach to sense life, giving you a firm stare for not telling him sooner.

“My love, how long have you known?” He questions, he is already pressing his face to say hi to the life forming. 

“Only a few weeks... I wanted to be sure that this one will stay.” Simeon looks up smiling, the intensity in his eyes fades.

“My lamb... how could you keep this wonderful secret from me.” Your hands card through dark brown hair, bright blue eyes peek up more framed by dark skin. He is over the moon and nuzzles his face into your belly. 

You smile and feel a little guilty he found out this way. You wanted to tell him, and see him full of joy instead of concern. Though his happy expression keeps you from spoiling him too much. You learn him and his ways of showing love, but this side of him. 

You are amazed at how much he dotes and loves you. Seeing the blush on his face realizing all those sleepless nights resulted in a life that is of you and him. That this brings you two closer than ever.

When Simeon looks up he sees your eyes brimming with tears and he freaks wondering if he did something wrong.

“Please don’t leave me...” You plead him, and he remembers that years ago that a child is the reason your first doesn’t have a father. Whether by them leaving, vanishing, or expressing unwanted. He sees the pain return to your eyes, the wound that he had spent so many times trying to mend to heal your heart.

Simeon moves to sit with you and cups your face into his hands as he presses loving kiss after kiss.

“Never will leave you. Not now, not ever.” You tremble in sobs at the shock still going through you of the fear settling in, that it “could” happen. He could grow tired, just like before. When things got tough and they just left. 

Simeon sees the hurt still, and it takes coaxing from him to get you to curl up into his side. His colder hands pressed to your forehead as a nausea wave hits you and you let go of all your fears and tell him you are afraid he will leave you.

He assures you, he is there permanently, he won’t leave, not unless you chase him out yourself. And that breaks you of your spell, the fear of pushing a literal angel away overwhelms you and you raise up to kiss him like you haven’t before.

You still had hours before Luke and your child would be home, you spend the next few hours entangled together. You and Simeon on the floor of the house you call home. His hands going over every speck of you, and kissing away your worries. He is surprised when you take initiative to ride him, and your love making with the angel is truly felt through every nerve that you hold onto each other tight.

When you woke up much later, Simeon is next to you in the bed you share, just watching your face serenely. Foreheads pressed together.

“What time is it?” You question him, and start to raise to look at a clock and Simeon guides you to lie down.

“Almost time to make dinner. We still have time before they’re back. Let me spend this time with you?” You look at him and lay your head back down next to his. He seeks out your left hand to rub at your wedding band, while his other hand presses over your belly. He’s more loving here than what he did hours ago, touches you with such tenderness that you feel your heart thudding in your chest.

You indulge Simeon as he presses loving kisses and you both discuss the possible baby names. Simeon ever grateful you choose to be with him and love him.

[uswntxfootball]

purely by accident (leah williamson x uswnt!reader)

everything was going to plan until you made the mistake of wearing her shorts to practice.

word count: 2044 ish

rated F for fluff, S for stupidity, and M for messy as fuck.

——

it was open training today in tokyo, and you fucked up.

you fucked up.

the olympics were set to begin next week, and you fucked up.

~~

so flashback to last night.

with some thorough bribing, you finally coaxed jordan to crash with beth for the night, promising and swearing not to defile her bed while she was gone.  

you glanced down at the defender in your lap, her attention solely focused on the show playing in front.

the show was leah’s pick and it didn’t particularly interest you, as you were more focused on the sight before you.

both of you were in bed, leah’s head in your lap, your right laid gently over her side, and leah’s hand was playing with your fingers absentmindedly.

the girl in front of you let out a laugh at something that played on the screen, the sound making your heart skip a beat.

upon hearing your silence, she looked up at you.

leah’s cheeks flushed when she saw you already staring down at her, a loving smile stretched across your face.

“what is it?”

you lean down to kiss her.

“nothing. just my girlfriend is really cute is all.”

leah rolled her eyes but met you half way, pressing a tender kiss to your lips.

she turned back to the show and slipped her fingers between yours shyly, an action that caused butterflies and wholeass rhinos to have a disco party inside of you.

it was only a few minutes later when leah spoke again.

“you’re acting weird.”

you quirk an eyebrow at that.

“me? how so?”

“you’re staring at me like you really love me or something.”

you let out a snort.

“congrats baby it only took a year and a half for you to figure out.”

leah giggled, and you grinned, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

you couldn’t help but let out a sigh at how good it felt, having your girlfriend in your arms after not seeing each other for a month.

given the hectic schedule of the olympics, you both wanted to spend as much alone time together as possible.

you both knew that coming out in the midst of big events was a terrible idea, with first the world cup and the olympics following suit.

it wasn’t that you were ashamed of it, it was just that the media could be a lot at times.

and so could your teammates.

the two of you had met during the world cup, leah taking a particular liking to you after seeing you in the semi final match when england played the us.

she then had missed the chance to talk to you, but lucky for her, the next year, following suit with many of your other teammates, you signed internationally, landing a spot as a midfielder for arsenal.

trainings and games brought you closer together, and feelings developed, with both of you realizing quickly that they weren’t platonic.

but it still took an embarrassingly long amount of time.

and jordan couldn’t stand the two of you.

neither could rose, with leah and you both complaining to them, respectively.

even after quarantining with the defender (and jordan) and spending every second of the day with her, it was almost the end of the fixture when you finally mustered up enough courage to ask her out, only for her to beat you to it.

jordan can’t tell if this was better or worse.

on one hand she no longer had to witness the idiocy and obliviousness for days on end, no longer had to hear the desperate pining from both sides, and no longer had to deal with leah having a mental breakdown overanalyzing every text you sent her.

on the other hand, she now had to deal with the sickening cuteness of the two of you, and had unfortunately caught the two of you going at it in the arsenal locker room after practice, before practice, in the shower, and basically everywhere in the house.

rose was in a similar state, though being overseas, she was spared the worst of it.

the two of you had parted ways when national team duty called, leah staying in england and you flying back to the states.

and here, in tokyo, you were together again, and you couldn’t be happier.

~~

it was 11 pm now, the lights were off ,the defender fast asleep and snuggled close into your chest, your arms wrapped around her.

you had the vague thought of getting up to set an alarm for your training tomorrow, but any attempts to get up were squashed by your girlfriend, who at any movement only held onto you tighter.

your heart melted at the sight, but your rational thought knew this was a bad idea.

worst case is that you miss practice.

best case is that you somehow wake up on time naturally.

unfortunately it ended up being worse than that.

~~

you were jolted awake by your phone ringing.

the girl next to you let go of your waist and mumbled sleepily:

“turn it off.”

you stood up and saw rose’s contact name flash and you picked up the phone groggily.

“uh hello? what do you want?”

“HELLO?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO I WANT THE BUS FOR TRAINING IS ABOUT TO LEAVE IN SEVEN MINUTES WHERE ARE YOU?!”

you glance at the clock and the panic sets in.

7:23 am.

fuck.

oh. fuck.

you mutter a “shit” into the receiver before hanging up, glancing over at leah who was fast asleep.

brushing your teeth and putting your hair up quickly, you went around the room grabbing your jersey, jacket, shorts and cleats as you prepared to leave.

but before you left, you leaned over quickly and gave your girlfriend a light kiss on the forehead before rushing out the door.

you sprinted across the street to where the building where the us teams were staying, making it onto the bus quickly and collapsing on the seat next to rose, hoping no one saw where you had came from.

luckily for you most of the team was chatting and preoccupied, except christen who noticed and gave you weird look when you stepped onto the bus.

sam gave you a weird look too when she finished talking to mal.

“when did you come in? why are you still in your pjs? do you even have your kit and training things?”

you decided that saying you overslept was the best excuse.

you could tell sam didn’t quite believe that.

“well why didn’t rose wake you then?”

“um-“

rose cut in and saved you when she said with a shrug:

“it was a prank. i turned off her alarms and thought it would be funny.”

that was slightly more believable, as the younger kids played pranks on each other all the time, so sam let up her questioning.

you turned around on the bus, quickly pulling on your jersey, shorts and socks, all the while hearing a wolf whistle from kelley upon seeing you changing.  

you flipped her off when you finished.

“so where were you-oh,” rose’s eyes widening.

you scrunched your eyebrows in confusion.

“oh?”

rose let out a laugh and pointed to your collarbone.

you looked down and cursed.

there they were in all their glory, two hickies, bright as day.

“fuck this is an open training too.”

you were freaking out.

but thank god for rose.

rose thought about it for a minute before suggesting:

“well it’s kind of cold out today, you can keep your jacket on for the whole training and no one will see.”

“what would i do without you?”

“i dunno die probably.”

~~

arriving at the pitch, you hoped that your hyper-vigilant fans wouldn’t notice anything.

you did make sure to take some pictures with fans on your walk there though.

you noticed walking to the locker room that christen kept giving you weird looks, but you just brushed it off and got your mind set for training.

the open part of practice went well and without issue, except for the odd looks occasionally thrown your way by some of the veteran players.

when closed practice began a little bit later, you asked christen about it.

“why do you all keep giving me weird looks? do i have something on my face?”

christen shook her head, and upon seeing that there was no one around she whispered:

“i’m pretty sure it’s because you have a lionesses crest on your shorts.”

you looked down and gasped.

shit.

she was right.

in your haste this morning you had unknowingly grabbed leah’s shorts instead of your own.

in your defense, with the the english and us home kit both being white and both of you being #14, it was an honest mistake.

but still.

fuck.

so much for keeping it a secret.

christen opened her mouth to say something else, but upon seeing your face decided against it.

besides the one hiccup, the rest of practice went smoothly, and you were on your way back to the locker room when you were stopped by sonnett.

“do you play for england now or something?”

“it was an accident.” you said, shushing her.

all the way back into the locker room emily teased you, so much so that your face couldn’t have been any redder in your life.

you changed as quick as you can, trying to get out of the locker room as fast as you can.

walking out, you stopped abruptly upon seeing your girlfriend in the stands.

“leah? what are you doing here?”

your girlfriend, who looked radiant as always, said with a smile:

“well i was originally going to come bring you your shorts baby.”

“oh you found out about that?” you said sheepishly, a blush crawling up your neck.

leah shook her head and laughed.

“i woke up to us trending on twitter so yeah. did the girls tease you about it?”

you pouted a little nodding a yes, and leah just laughed, cupping your cheek with one hand and smoothing back your flyaways with the other.

at this point some of the chaos crew came out of the locker room looking for you, and upon seeing you and leah, they stood back and watched with wide eyes.

they watched you giggle at something leah said, lindsey making sure to keep a hand firmly closed around emily’s mouth to keep her from speaking.

some of the vets came out to see what the holdup was for, and upon seeing you, they stood back as well.

sam whispered quietly:

“are they flirting?”

“i think?” lindsey whispered back.

“it sure looks like it..”

christen shook her head.

the gears clicked into place in christen’s mind quickly, first with the hotel this morning, then with the shorts, and now this.

“i think they’re dating.”

emily’s eyes bugged out of her head and she finally ripped lindsey’s hand off.

“they’re WHAT??!”

this caused you and leah to turn, cheeks flushing when you see the majority of the team there, watching.

then they all started screaming at once.

“come introduce us to your girlfriend y/n!”

“hi leah!”

“WAIT CAN I GIVE HER THE SHOVEL TALK??!”

“I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND Y/N I SHOULD DO IT!”

“NO IF ANYONE DOES IT SHOULD BE ME I’M HER TEAM MOM”

you turned back to leah as the rest of the team quarreled.

“well since they’ve seen us already, let’s formally introduce you to the team.”

you stuck your hand out and said:

“come on. i’ll catch you.”

leah let out a laugh and took your hand, jumping down from the stands.

meeting the team wasn’t as bad as it could have been, partially because vlatko called sonnett away, but at the end you were both glad you had done it.

leah intertwined her fingers with yours as you walked across the field to the bus.

“i do have to admit my shorts look good on you.”

you looked at her and winked.

“maybe i’ll wear them on purpose next time.”

[kitacco]

teenage fever.

pairing: gn!reader, nanami kento.

genre: angst, suggestive.

summary: the line between the good and the better.

cw: age gap, implied sex.

wordcount: 1.7k.

! a sequel to teenage talk. !

the drink tastes bitter after the second sip. it’s no surprise; he hates this place.

nanami hasn’t visited the bar since the both of you met. not because he couldn’t face you. after that night, his face stinged for around thirty minutes. he didn’t move, simply sighing as he heard the door closing, signaling you had left his house. he couldn’t explain it, why had he let you go so easily? you probably thought he didn’t care. he didn’t know either. all he remembers is pouring the lasting liquid on the sink and going straight to bed.

in a month, he stopped thinking about it all together. nanami wasn’t curious about your whereabouts, nor was he purposely trying to avoid you. actually, at first, he wished to see you, just to make sure.

with so little conversation he’d managed to make an idea of you inside his head. you were tender, curious, hesitant and extremely conscious (he thought so by the way you’d softly try to reach for his body after the both of you laid quite drained, as if you weren’t sure if he’d want you to touch him like he hadn’t kissed every part of your body with his every sense).

he stopped concurring the bar, not because he couldn’t face you. after that night, he was sure you’d learnt one or two things.

nanami was sure you were doing exactly what that night you’d done with him.

and once he stepped inside the bar, what he’d wished was a ridiculous judgement, materialized when he noticed your figure by the rail on the balcony of the bar.

exactly where the both of you had met.

his legs wouldn’t stop slightly jumping under the table, nanami was sure his colleagues could tell he was feeling uneasy.

he wasn’t jealous, of course not. you didn’t belong to him, neither he could protest. after a year he was sure you’d gotten over the whole incident, his memory long erased from your brain.

wearing a rather revealing black dress, you played with your hair as what seemed like the third man tried to entertain you. in less than two hours. nanami couldn’t help but chuckle, had you become too exigent with your tastes or had he managed to grab your attention so fast? he’d like to know, consequentially getting up from his seat, excusing himself from the group, and directing his way to the balcony.

“what a surprise,” you’re fast to say.

nanami seems to be taken aback. he guessed you’d gotten out of your shell, however, he wasn’t expecting you to appear remarkably unruffled to his presence, as if you were waiting for the moment the two of you would meet again.

nanami is nervous, he has to admit it. small steps, clearing his throat whilst he plants himself right beside you.

“you’re alone tonight?”

“yeah,” you shortly answer. nanami only hums, nodding. “what about you?”

“out with my colleagues.”

“that’s nice.”

he cringes, picking on the way the words leave your mouth. he knows exactly what you’re thinking, oddly.

nanami is quick to understand the situation - and confirm his judgement. what could he say to you? he missed you too, even when you’re straddling him, and the noises that slip out of your lips sound and feel usual, almost like this was something you were custom to. he’s taken aback by your movement and the lingering touches on his body, completely losing any control he ever thought he had over your body.

once again, he understands, after you leave a faint kiss on his lips and let your back fall onto the mattress, the bed you were familiar with once.

“i couldn’t stop thinking about what you said,” you whisper in the night, hoping nanami is listening to you.

you don’t have to check, you know he’s listening to you, and you know he’s waiting for you to say something.

“i’m—”

“thank you, actually,” you interrupt him, chuckling. “you don’t understand how much that helped me.”

he doesn’t want to ask, but he does, his body shifting to rest his weight over his side, searching for your eyes in the dark. “how come?”

after returning to the bar and meeting another man, you couldn’t stop. you quickly realized that nanami wasn’t the only man that could make you feel special, being you the only one capable of deciding that. you would visit the bar, find someone, go home with them and repeat, every week. dates didn’t really catch your attention anymore, nor did your classmates once the change started to adorn your eyes. your friends were quick to pick on it too, but you had your mind made up. no other man will let you down. it was harmless fun. you’d talk to whoever approached you, immediately letting them know your intentions and wishes. they decided if they’d take it or leave it, you were quick to learn there were men like that too, men that’d make everything easier. that way, both of you would get to enjoy, which was the plan all along.

you had turned into the kind of teenager you had dreamt of. completely free.

but nanami couldn’t understand it.

he wasn’t jealous; he knew he long ago had lost any possibility of making a comment on your living. yet the uneasiness wouldn’t leave his body.

but how could he tell you? how could he let you know that, as a man, as a person that had lived a few more years than you, he thought you were being reckless? that’d only make you shake more, that’d only cause you to seek for more and more. because, after all, nanami realized he had taught you wrong, or were you mistaken?

nanami wanted to tell you about all the dangers your ideas could bring, but would you understand him? would you take the indefensive suggestion?

is no surprise you don’t, furiously grabbing your clothes and leaving his apartment like the last time.

only this time, nanami can’t let you go.

“listen to me,” he calls, following you down the stairs of the building.

“what? you’re gonna brag about how grown you are and that i’m being childish again? trust me, i heard it the first time, i don’t need it again.”

“listen, it’s dangerous, and i’m not saying it because i think you’re incapable of taking care of yourself, i am saying it because i believe you deserve better—”

“better? and what’s better? you’re better?” you laugh, your bare feet tip toing the stairs as you try to put on your heels again.

“i’m not saying that i am better, i’m saying you’ll find someone better, but the way you’re acting now is not it,” nanami tries again, finally reaching you.

you stop when his fingers wrap around your forearm, stopping you from descending any further. 

silence, this time, unbearable. your eyes are unable to communicate like he once used to believe, and it’s like now you’ve completely blocked him from your system.

“what’s so wrong about it?” you whisper, and nanami frowns, approaching your face to hear what you said. “what’s so wrong about wanting something better?”

nanami can’t seem to understand what you mean, dumbfounded.

you sigh, shaking his hand off your body. “isn’t growing up all about understanding yourself? what’s so wrong about listening to what my head asks for?”

“it’s not—”

“i want to feel special, and i want to enjoy any given time with whoever i want and if i want, is that wrong?”

“you’re confused.”

deep in the building, is impossible to hear the engine of the cars that surround the busy street nanami’s building is. it’s probably four in the morning, not a single step is heard all along the staircase. the building was quite tall, there was no doubt probably nobody used the stairs. nanami doesn’t care, though, he doesn’t mind anyone walking between the two of you, interrupting the moment. nanami doesn’t care anymore.

you turn to face him. nanami observes you, trying to look for any sign of rejection, but all he is able to do, is recognize the desire, the eagerness for him to finally share his mind with you.

“please,” you whisper. “please enlighten me.”

nanami can’t help it. he had promised himself he wouldn’t do it. yet, it’s impossible to suppress the simple thought of meeting your lips again, the longing of your warmth, craving of your touch, and yearning of your presence.

when you left he thought of how ridiculous the situation was. what’d his colleagues thought? acting like a boy in love in the body of a man that has already conquered the phase. nanami didn’t chase after women, there was no need to. it was simple, so incredibly simple, the idea and possibility of you turning him down that night was thrilling, the possibility of being complete shut down by the uneasiness of a man his age approaching you because, at the moment, you knew he was too much for you. when you accepted his offer, he was waiting for the excitement to wear off. so he thought when your body collapsed against his chest once you came down from your high. it never did. that morning after, he walked inside the office, uncertain of what his colleagues would thought if they were to find out he’d slept with a twenty year old girl. after an hour, he realized he didn’t care. after realizing he was excited to find you in his bed, waiting for him, he had to leave early and rush back to his apartment, the excitement once again making his heart beat as he opened the door and noticed your clothes were still in the dryer, and that you were still, laying on his bed.

you made him feel thrilled again. not because of the fact he was a few years older than you. you made him thrilled because that ingenuous, that innocent image of love you had in your eyes had reached his heart. he wanted to experience the love you were eager to receive.

nanami is not good with words nor is he capable of deciphering what exactly you need to hear, but he guesses, and so wishes, that keeping you by his side gives you an idea.

it’s rushed, it’s silly and it’s childish, but nanami finally realizes that night he met you wasn’t simple luck.

that night he was meant to find you just as much as you were meant to find him.