#i am getting at least 30k a month written. but feels bad when last year i got a minimum of 40k a month written

[oathkeeperoxas]

so apparently in order to "finish" my "wips" I have to "work" on them. it's in the name or something

[punkrockgirlalmighty]

Something broke inside of Carlos and with a gasp he arched his head back, twisting a fist up into TK’s hair and pulling his head down as he craned up to connect their lips.

This was what he wanted; TK’s tongue seeking out his own, his hand curling around his hip as he pulled Carlos back against him, to swallow up the needy moans TK was letting out.

He wanted TK to latch on to the hollow at the base of his neck and leave his own mark there right next to the cross.

He wanted to be able to wear them both with pride.

They tumbled sideways onto the bed and Carlos rolled onto his back as TK straddled his hips, diving back down to keep kissing him.

A loud clanging sound from the kitchen had them snapping apart. Carlos pulled a pillow over his crotch as TK tried to fix his hair.  It took them both a minute to realise no one was coming into the room.

TK laughed nervously. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I wanted you to.” Carlos raised the pillow off of his lap to show TK what he had done to him. “See.”

“Carlos,” TK groaned. “We can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’re both leaving again in a few weeks.” TK sounded frustrated.

“Can’t we just pretend until then?” Carlos knew he wasn’t thinking entirely with his upstairs head when he said it, and that it would inevitably lead to more heart ache when their time together ended again, but he also knew he wouldn’t regret it.

TK’s eyes raked over him, pensively taking him in as he considered what Carlos was suggesting until his mouth spread into a slow grin. “Yes. Yes. Please let’s do that.”

Then he was on him again, discarding the pillow to one side so he could connect their hips and grinding down. It was like no time had passed as Carlos let the taste and smell and feel of TK on top of him overwhelm him. It wasn’t until TK was kissing down his chest, his hands climbing underneath his shirt to push it up, that a thought struck him. “Have you been with anyone else?”

TK stilled and rested his chin on Carlos’ stomach, looking up at him from beneath alluring eyelashes. “Do you really want to know that?”

Carlos thought it about it for a moment. He definitely didn’t want to have to admit to TK that he’d been with several boys since him and it would shatter every illusion he was trying to create if he pictured TK with someone else. They had the holiday to be together and he had condoms, that was good enough for him.

He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“Me neither,” TK said before reconnecting his lips with Carlos’ skin.

There was another crash from down the hall and Carlos groaned. “We can’t do this here.”

TK sighed and started to pull away. “My dad isn’t working tonight, he’s at home too.”

They stared at each other despondently. Carlos thought about his car but he didn’t know anywhere he could drive them that they wouldn’t risk getting caught and it was too cold for it to be fun anywhere outside. Memories from senior year flooded him and he looked at TK hopefully. “Treehouse?”

TK’s eyes lit up. “Treehouse!”

.

.

technically not wednesday yet but I am moving back to Australia tomorrow and since it is tomorrow there already here is a snippet of the 'tis the damn season fic

also the last time I moved to Aus was right before covid and I didn't get to see my family or friends for 2.5 years and it turns out I am not a fierce independent bad bitch but a bitch who very much can't survive without hugging her mama at least once every 6 months so I have been super stressed the past week and couldn't work on this fic much. I am hoping once I am settled back in Australia I will get this finished (also I am a really slow writer - like it takes me all day to write a thousand words, how people churn out 10k a week I'll never know - so it is probably going to be a while until this is done because I have written 30k and am about half way through)

So anyway , please give a very anxious and panicked girl some validation :)

[procrastinatorproject]

Fic writer review, thank you to @thelaithlyworm  for the tag <3

how many works do you have on AO3?

Ten? Oh no, it’s actualy 12 now!

what’s your total AO3 word count?

86,468

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Grand total of 1: Star Trek: Picard - although my latest offering might branch a bit into other Trek as well.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

“Passengers”

“And a Barrel of Gagh”

“CMO’s Log”

“Preparations”

“Game Night”

Which is actually kinda interesting. I wrote Passengers, Preparations, and Game Night while the fandom was still a lot more active (especially in the Aramis in Space corner), so that makes sense. The CMO’s log has had chapters added every few months, giving it probably the most exposure of any of my fics. Barrel of Gagh, though? I think I’m gonna attribute that to Thimblerig turning it into a truly, TRULY brilliant piece of podfic. Also the fact that it’s whump involving a character played by Santiago Cabrera. ‘tis A Thing..... :D

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really try to! I love talking with people in the comments and just... thanking the people who found the time and energy to leave comments. But especially in the last few months I have gotten very bad at keeping up with the comments and now there’s about two dozen that I have neglected to reply to for a painfully long time 🙈

But I will get there! Because I love that kind of interaction!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

So far, none of them have had angsty endings. Angsty middles, yes, but not endings. I’m just a sucker for everyone being happy in the end. Or at least on the way to being better, and supported and cared for on that way.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t yet, but I’m definitely not opposed. One of the threads of my 200k unpublishable whump scenes takes place in a continuity that has existed in my daydreams for... I wanna say six years at the very least, probably longer. It’s mostly straight-up Star Trek, but with the twist that it involves the Wraith, the telepathic, hive-minded alien race from Stargate: Atlantis that suck the life force out of you with their hands? Or, well, at least a variation thereof.

I once typed up the world building for that particular setting and it took me three hours to try and make it all make sense. So it’s... involved. But not necessarily “crazy”. And I’m not sure I’m ever actually going to publish any of the stories I have set in it (not least because that would envolve finishing any of them and bringing them into a form that is interesting to read for anyone but me...)

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Hm, not yet. I do enjoy reading smut, but only under very specific circumstances. I think I may eventually try my hand at smut, but the inner prude is still very strong. Writing about Rios and Xyr making out (which, honestly, was really tame, all things considered) made me melt in a puddle of blushing embarrassment, so full-on smut is probably beyond me at the moment. One day!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Though litigating that in a fandom like ours would be... tricky. ST:Pic is way too small to steal stories outright. But similar or the same ideas pop up all the time. And it’s a complete coincidence. Reading the book that recently came out and that has a kinda similar setting to a lot of my stories (pre-season 1, early in Rios’s history as captain of Sirena, dealing with original characters, holo shenanigans, friendship with Raffi, etc.), I was struck by just how many elements, both scenes or story beats and little details, were similar to things that have cropped up in my writing. And it is entirely coincidental, because I am beyond certain that the author doesn’t read fanfic. Just... for legal reasons. Not to mention I wrote a bunch of the things I saw parallels to while the book was already in production, and some of them are only in my drafts.

So there is a ton of convergent evolution going on in this particular section of the fandom, and trying to litigate who came up with certain plot ideas or character beats when would be a sysiphean disaster. Some things are clear and whenever I use any of them I give credit where I can, but people will have very similar ideas. It just happens. So no, I haven’t had either a full-on story or “an idea” stolen, and I might change my tune if it ever does happen, but so far, I’m trying to practice equanimity, so I’ll be better at it should I ever need it.

have you ever had a fic translated?

Sadly no. My dad keeps complaining that all my fic is in English so he can’t read any of it, but honestly? I’m kinda glad for this very convenient excuse. Maybe if I ever feel like I want to practice my interpreting skills, I will give translating the stories into German a shot. We’ll see. Otherwise, if anyone feels inspired: Have at it! Just let me know, okay?

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not quite. I have a draft of off-the-cuff worldbuilding that I wrote on Discord with @curator-on-ao3 and that I would love to turn into an actual short fic (letters from a conference on holo-ethics), but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

I don’t really do shipping.

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL NEVER ACCEPT DEFEAT!!!! One day, I will write the next installment of Star Trek: La Sirena! I have so many ideas for that continuity and those characters. I’m not going to abandon them!

what are your writing strengths?

Hmmmmm. Probably detailed worldbuilding? Ask me something about, say, a technological or cultural aspect of Star Trek and chances are, I have thought about it in the past or will come up with three different sets of intricate lore within half an hour. (Things like... the architecture of San Francisco, or Will there still be taxi drivers? or the treaty between IKEA Intergalactic and the Borg Collective, or the Universal Translator, or Emergency Services or Why There Are Very Few Ambulances On Earth Anymore etceterah etceterah...)

I’m also good at slapping together off-the-cuff plot ideas (if, say, you need an explanation for how Seven and Agnes ended up stranded on a desert island, I could probably give you three different scenarios pretty quickly. Just don’t ask me to make them poignant or actually write them.

I’m also very, very good at beginnings.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Everything that isn’t a beginning. Especially endings, or rather: finishing something, but also just... keeping momentum.

I think my dialogue is somewhat samey and not distinct enough between characters. (Also my witty banter is... let’s just say it doesn’t come to me naturally...)

And I also struggle with keeping things brief and to the point. I can write you 30k of whump covering a span of three hours, but fitting a whole story in the same space? Much more difficult!

I have also avoided writing full-on action so far, but where it has crept in it has always been a struggle and been workshopped a lot with the indefatigable beta.

Otherwise, I don’t know. My self-perception is always a little warped, so I’m not sure what other people would say my weaknesses are.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Oof. Well. I have used Spanish sentences in my fic and done the thing where they’re translated in the end note, but I’ve mostly done it sparingly. I’ve also done the ‘“What do you want?” he said in Spanish.’ It’s tricky. But I will likely keep doing it in some instances, even if it’s a bit annoying.

(It also really helps to have a native speaker of Spanish as a beta, even if it’s Spanish from a different region than you’re character.)

Speaking of regional: I’m also torn about the whole “phonetically writing out accents” issue. Some people love it, some people hate it, I’m really unsure because I’m not a native speaker of English, so I’m not even sure I’m consistent in my narrative voice’s regional quirks. So far, I’ve mostly gone with describing that an accent is happening, and only writing out when phrasing actually differs from standard English. Like Ian (Scottish) saying “dinnae” but not writing “I” as “ah” as you’d see on, say, Scottish twitter.

Though it can be a very useful tool if, for instance, you want to indicate a characters accent getting stronger as they get tired or upset. 🧐

Anyway, I don’t think there is one right or wrong answer here and everyones milage will vary.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Published? ST:PIC

Actually first? Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Pretty much simultaneously, though I did write more for LotR. On graph paper, mind, with my fountain pen turned upside down so I could write smaller. I still have folders worth of those stories that I urgently need to digitize before they fade and I lose them forever...

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’m going to quote @thelaithlyworm here: I Love All My Children Equally! I honestly couldn’t say. They are different and I love them for different reasons but I love them all.

Thank you for the tag! ❤ I’ve kinda lost track of who all has done this already or has already been tagged, so feel free to ignore me! But I tink I’m tagging @curator-on-ao3, @aini-nufire, @29-pieces, @flowers-creativity, @highfunctioningflailgirl, @cristobalrios and @the-goofball. And anyone else whom I forgot or who feels inspired to do this!

[josaeul]

Love Confessions PT 1° BTS

______

☽: Pairing: BTS (OT7) x Female Reader / First Person

_____

☽: Au: Momentary High School Au! Yandere !

☽: Word Count: 30K

☽: Chapters Here: 13/(Currently)26

☽: Summary: It didn’t matter that you didn’t know them, it didn’t matter if you had your own plans; it did matter if you didn’t return their love.

______

☽: A/N: Hi, I’m Dio/Ado! I used to have another tumblr account where I originally published LC but it soon became more of a “personal” so I took it down, while I didn’t publish chapters here I did publish up to 26 chapters in other platforms, so instead of publishing 26 1k-3k words I meshed them all together into 2 parts, as of now the story is still ongoing so there will be more than 30 chapters (my original estimate). If anyone is wondering, this fic has been ongoing since the 7th of July, 2018 and has been on-and-off in the works, mainly because I’m still in high school and it’s h a r d to have a schedule when you’re swamped with hw. This is edited but there may be spelling errors and bad usage of full-stops and commas where they’re very wrong (I mainly speak, not write in english lol that’s why I’m better verbally speaking than writing) but bare with me; english isn’t my first language!

Because this fic is so damn long, especially here on Tumblr where I decided to mash up some chapters, I’ve added a key for the recommended rest/stop place! It’s this  “____ღ”, this is where the original chapter ends!

________

It’s been going on for ages ever since I moved back here strange notes have littered my locker everyday. Love confessions as a matter of fact. They made no sense, the situation made no sense they weren’t written by the same person but they were written by the same group of people. Honestly, at the beginning I found them to be quite cute they were written with such fondness it made my heart flutter. It was clear they were written with care, each word delicately being chosen, that time had been spent crafting each. But as more time went on they became more aggressive, possessive, threatening and even demanding. Still, these people continued to declare their love but showed strong aggression towards my friends and family at the same time. The notes started to include personal information, from where I lived to what underwear I had been using that day. I suddenly felt unsafe like my safety and life was being analyzed and used against me. Suddenly wasn’t just notes soon there were eyes following me too and in those moments where I felt eyes following me as I walked around the schools' hallways, I hid on the rooftop where I knew that this stalker, or stalkers, would leave me alone. Or at least for a moment or at least I thought so, I hoped.

Today I was clutching my bag tightly as I made my way behind the gray wall of the roof, where I’d hide whenever I felt those eyes following me around, one that was meant to keep us away from the storage room, and failed to do so, when suddenly a girl, probably a few years older than me, walked in followed by a fellow student; a boy. And the boy was none other than the one and only Jeon Jeongguk. Seeing his stupidly handsome face made me scowl, I quickly hid behind the wall and listened in to hear what was happening I didn’t want him to think of me as a loner that couldn’t make any friends other than him because I could.

I knew Jeongguk we were actually best friends when I first lived here. We’d go everywhere together, the park, the movies, we’d also go to each other’s house so often we had the others’ clothes and some belongings there, it had gone to such a point where our parents began planning our wedding. At the time the thought of marrying Jeongguk made me cringe because we were best friends but now just the thought of breathing the same air as him made me want to cut off my oxygen intake and just suffocate a slow and painful death. In other words; I, [Whole Name] [Last Name], hated Jeon Jeongguk with my life.

He became the embodiment of what he, we, used to hate. So coming back home to Jeongguk version two felt like I had lost a friend, a part of me and I did. Jeongguk forgot completely about what we had, about me. He became cold and he distanced himself, started hanging out with the ‘cool kids’, or whatever. I don’t care at least not now. I could make new friends, I could act cold, I could ignore him and I did. But did I want to? No, not really. But at the same time, if this was Jeongguk now, I don’t want anything to do with him.

At the beginning when I had just come back I did my best to become friends again but with how he was acting and seeing him act like such a dick made me want to beat him up, he had completely forgotten and ignored me, he didn’t even spare a glance my way. The only time I’d go to his house now was when Mrs. Jeon, his mom, invited me to help her cook and try to bring us together again. But every time I went there he’d either ignore me or throw insults at my face, and after that he’d just stare at me for the rest of my stay there.

The last time I went was over a little over a month ago and it was solely to take the things I’d left there when I was younger. I did my best to go when I knew he had football practice so I didn’t have to meet him. That day I made sure to call his mom to get her to lend me her keys something she happily did at the end of the day I was [Family Nickname] the girl that helped their shy son and became his first friend. I took with me some boxes, I don't remember exactly what or how much I left, but whatever it was I was taking it back. Jeongguk had made it rather clear he didn’t want anything to do with me so I made him a favor taking back my stuff back. The minute I stepped foot inside the house I noticed a pair of my favorite shoes there, I probably left them there when we said goodbye so when I came back I could leave with my special shoes, how cringy. Mrs. Jeon probably left them there they looked so clean as if someone had just bought them, I could imagine her cleaning the shoes everyday. Laughing a bit I took the shoes and placed them in one of the boxes I had brought, maybe Mrs. Jeon would miss them but Jeongguk wouldn’t. As I made my way to the living room, everywhere I went something was there. My old portable game console, a few books I had been looking for, some random hair ties, those looked too childish to be from Mrs. Jeon and I don’t think Jeongguk would use hair ties either, some toys, and like that I found bits and pieces of my childhood everywhere, it felt nostalgic and to some point my heart ached. And it all went into one of my boxes, so by the time I had walked all the first floor all traces of my belongings had left and all that was left was the second floor,  I had filled up the of one of then cardboard boxes I had brought, I still had two left and one that I had brought full of his belongings he’d left when we were young that my mom had kept just in case he’d need them back. I made my way up to where the rooms were I noticed how the only one that had my old stuff was Mrs. and Mr. Jeon’s and Jeongguk’s bedroom, the guest rooms and Junghyun’s room where practically bare with no traces of the family, much less me. His parents' room had a few pictures and a few tacky drawings me and Jeongguk had made, those I didn’t touch, I even noticed how in her dresser Mrs. Jeon still had the bead bracelets I made her. But the room that shocked me the most was Jeongguk’s, his room was filled with my stuff and I didn’t know if two boxes would be enough for all of it. He had stuff from pictures of the two of us to even my old plushie I brought with me when we had sleepovers, just to name a few that stood out. He kept it all and I didn’t really know how to feel. I snapped to my senses and quickly took all I could fit in my boxes and as I did a big part of me felt weirded out. Why did he act like he hated me so much if he kept all of this, it took me over all almost an hour to clear his room but it felt right, no pictures or plushie; no [Name]. He wasn’t going to be reminded I ever existed now. Good, I didn’t want to be remembered by him. I took the box I had brought myself and left it neatly on his bed, quickly wrote a small note explaining what I had done and why. I didn’t apologize, why would I? He erased himself from my life emotionally, and even went as far as avoiding me, so might as well say physically too. I was doing the same thing, but as I took out my boxes and walked back home I couldn’t help but feel guilty and empty. After that I ignored the Jeon’s. I didn’t go to their house, only waving to them when we stumbled on the supermarket, didn’t really pick up their calls leaving my parents to do so, only going over if I knew my parents or someone else I knew was going too. Basically never. I had erased them from my life; but most importantly I erased him.

If only I had seen how Jeongguk reacted to seeing all his collection gone.

So, seeing him now being dragged all the way over here probably for a love confession made me cringe and hard. Seeing your ex-best friend being asked out definitely felt weird. And I felt a strange pang in my chest as I looked at the girl, her name was Sakura and she was cute. The different kind of cute I was, I mean am I even cute to begin with? Maybe that’s what his ideal type is, the opposite of me. Why was I being so damn petty?

As they walked towards the railing of the roof I pressed myself closer to the walls, I didn’t want to get caught somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, much less by Jeongguk. Plus, as wrong as it was, I wanted to see how it turned out. As much as I say I hate him, he still played a part in my life, a part I wasn’t about to truly forget or replace.

The girl shyly fixed her hair behind her ear as she spoke, she took her time probably nervous, “W-well, Jeongguk... I know you must get this a lot...”

”Oh god, please hurry up!” He exclaimed impatiently. God he was such a dick.

”Ah, ok! I like you, a lot. I know you’ve dated prettier girls and I may not be the best but-“

”Cut it, will you? I don’t know you, what even is your name Sana? Sinb? Sarah? Look, I guess you’re not that bad, but come on, me? Please, don’t waste my time like this, this is unnecessary.”

”Wh-what?” The pretty girl choked out, I wasn’t really looking by now having seen enough but I could tell by her voice that what that dick said hit her hard, sure those are insults someone would have thrown around in second grade but still, pouring your heart out for it to then be rejected in such manner must have hurt. I had never been rejected, but I could only imagine the pain.

“Are you fucking stupid? Look,” he started, “please get lost and refrain from contacting me ever again.” Ya ou could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke and I bet all my money that as the girl left running she was a crying mess and I couldn’t blame her I was close to crying too, just where did Jeongguk go. I know people change, especially from fourteen to seventeen, hell even from ten to eleven, but the changes he went through shocked me to the core.

I sat waiting to hear the door open and close to indicate he had left too but it never came. It seemed he was staying out there, he didn’t walk either he seemed to be standing in the same place. I thought he had fainted, a pretty good thing if I wanted to run away without confrontation, or something until he burst out laughing. The sound of his laughter was psychotic, it started out quite but it grew to the point I wanted to rip my ears off. No one had told a joke and nothing funny had happened, if anything the scene that just played out was quite sad, especially since I had been in similar shoes. So then, why was he laughing. I pressed my back tightly against the wall and pushed myself further away from the edge. His laughing fit didn’t stop though. It became even louder. He laughed so hard he fell on the floor, the sound of his knees making contact with the ground bounced all over the place accompanied with the sound of him hitting the ground in laughter, he sounded demented.

After a few seconds of this the laughing stopped, but again the sound of the rooftop door opening didn’t come much less the sound of him standing up. Now the only sound other than the wind and soft rain softly passing through tree leaves was the sound of him crying and speaking through broken sobs.

”I didn’t do enough, didn’t I? Of course I didn’t”, he screamed, his voice sounded constricted and forced, “Why won’t she love me! I did everything Namjoon told me to do... everything!” He began shouting towards the end of his mumble. He clearly wasn’t stable, at least not now, and it broke my heart to see him like this. Who was Namjoon? Did he make him act like this? Perhaps, was it student council Namjoon? Was he somehow responsible for the strange change Jeongguk went through? I mean, he holds enormous power considering he’s just the president of the student council, I mean, he’d been in this school for such a long time but no student has that much power. He was to graduate soon, his class was the first to graduate since the extension of high school education from eighteen to nineteen-twenty, he was older than many of us but that was no reason for him to hold that much influence.

Yet the poor boy kept on crying and I couldn’t listen to him anymore. Not even the sound of the rain could really drown his sorrows out. I was disappointed in him, and I had no idea why he was crying, but either way he still had a big spot inside my heart and I felt weak hearted, and I did what I had told myself countless time I wouldn’t do. I stood up, picked up my bag and made my way towards the broken boy.

As I stood a few feet in front of him I could feel my heart break slightly, it looked worse than what it sounded. His shirt was soaked with tears and rain, his nose was runny, I couldn’t see his eyes as he covered them with his hands. I walked slowly towards him and he finally seemed to hear me and the weight in air as he went stiff, losely growling as he spoke, “How long have you been there?”

But unlike his voice, his body shook slightly as tears continued to fall from his eyes and down his cheeks. I felt awful, he still was my Jeonggukie. Scared of what others thought, shy and a cry baby, a dummy, impulsive, and reckless, to name a few. He was still my Jeongguk. That’s what I wanted to believe now, would it stay like that though?

“A-ah, shit,” I froze before blindly speaking whatever came to my mind, “Jeonggukie, please don’t cry, uhh, you’ll make me cry too!” I cringed realizing that I had used the ‘special’ nickname I had with him with the technique I always used on him when we were younger so that he’d stopped crying. The nickname wasn’t special anymore, it seemed like all the girls in this school used it on him, but still I could silently pride myself on being the first one to call him that. And that technique wasn’t going to work, he was older now and he hated me, didn’t he?

“Bunny?” He asked shyly, he slowly let his hands drop from his face as a small blush took over his features. Maybe, just maybe, he still was my Jeonggukie somewhere deep down.

Finishing the few steps I needed to be by his side I crouched down to his level, and brought my hand to caress his hair softly, we were getting soaked so I try and cover us with my school bag. Slightly humming as confirmation that it was indeed me, and after him looking over me fast as if to confirm that it was really me, he threw himself at me and I fell on my butt from the force, we were now in the shade of a roof as I hit my back against the wall. He quickly hugged me and immediately began crying once more.

”[Name]! I’m so so sorry if I made you mad or hurt you, oh god, don’t tell me I hurt you!” He began blabbering as he cried harder. What happened to him? Only a few minutes ago he was being the biggest dick to a sweet girl and now he was crying and apologizing to me?

“Jeongguk, what happened?” I tried to ask but he refused to listen and opted to continue apologizing and not letting go. He wasn’t as scrawny as he was when he was younger, he was actually quite *big in comparison to me so pushing him away was out of the question. So I opted to silently embrace him. We had spent such a long time like this that we both ended falling asleep and missing class. Not that I cared, I was happy being like this. I could never be mad at him forever.

By the time I had woken up, I expected Jeongguk to be gone because it was either A) a dream or B) he regretted what he did and decided to be a dick again if not an even bigger one. But to my surprise I woke up to a big pair of doe like eyes staring up at me from his position on top of my chest.

“Bunn,” he began, his voice husky from just waking up, “I’m sorry if I upset you, I know you went up to my house and took your stuff back, I almost had a panic attack when I noticed your things were gone. I’m so sorry if I was ever a dick to you. I-I just love you so much I’m scared I’ll hurt you.” He whispered softly as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, blushing slightly I stare away from him.

”I love you too, Kookie. Don’t worry about anything, ‘kay? You’re always going to be my best friend.”

If only I had noticed how his eyes seemed to have darkened at the mention of best friend.

That day, Jeongguk walked me home. We went up to our lockers, and I was surprised to see one less love note. Today, there were only six. I expected Jeongguk to ask me about it, or ask me if I knew them, but he if anything he seemed more interested in me arriving home safely.

That night was the first night I received a letter inside my house. Freaking out I quickly open the letter only to find out my suspicions were true.

——☽

Our dearest [Name],

We are all very happy to know that you have finally accepted your fate to be with us. It is on our best intentions to tell you that it will not be long until we are reunited again.

In the meantime, we wish you do not engage in any form of relation with any male or female other than the ones you already engage with. If you do happen to break this wish, we are sorry to tell you that we will be forced to deal with the source of the problem very similarly with how a gardener does; take out the malice from the roots. All that we ask of you is to stay put and wait for us as we will come when the time is right.

Meanwhile you wait and we prepare it all, we will be keeping an eye on you at all times. Do not fear anything as we will take care of it for you.

We will meet again but for now,

Goodbye.

-BTS

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_____________________ღ

——

It had been less than a week since me and Jeongguk had begun hanging out again. And as nice as it felt it also came with this overwhelming feeling whenever he was around, he was too clingy. He’d be there always, and if he wasn’t he’d be calling me or texting me.

He had been doing the latter all day. He said it was his way of saying sorry and that if he could he would’ve come over. And at that, I didn’t know what was worse; him calling me or him being here.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful that we’d finally be able to hang out like we used to, heck yes I was, it’s just not like this. I didn’t like the feeling he brought with him whenever we hung out; it was just like at school. But instead of eyes, it was actions and words.

Who knew words could have such an effect on somebody?

They knew.

The people that have been leaving the notes on my locker knew. I had no idea why, but after a while of this strange occurrence, I started collecting the notes. It became a habit of mine whenever I was bored to try and decipher or try finding patterns in them. And today seemed like a nice day to try, everyday seemed like a nice day to try if it brought me closer to stopping these creeps.

I had turned off my phone. Giving Jeongguk a quick text saying I was going to study so I couldn't have my phone on, liar liar. I had decided to try and analyze the notes, do something with them at least.

And the best way to do so was to go to the beginning.

I decided to paste them to a small notebook I had laying around, so I just had to flip a few pages to find what I was looking for.

The first note, and it happened to be signed by Suga.

It was rather short but heartfelt, and the first time I read it I couldn’t help but blush furiously. It went like this;

”My muse,

I’ve been loving you for a while now, you know? My heart skips a beat every time I see you, and it starts creating a new melody for you, its eternal muse.

All I can do is hope that when our time comes to meet, you help me create the most beautiful symphony for us.

Until tomorrow and forever,

Suga”

Even now, the thought that someone like me was able to inspire someone with such a way for words to create music made my heart skip a beat. But this ‘Suga’ boy wasn’t as sweet as he introduced himself as, slowly I saw his transition from a love struck boy to a sick pervert. Especially on his latest note, which by far has to be one of the creepiest;

”My dearest muse,

What exactly do you think you’re doing? Talking to those no life like that, letting them flirt and touch you. Are you that lonely that you’re willingly letting anybody touch you?

I’m the only one allowed to touch you, perhaps there are few times were I’m allowed to do so but I treasure them intently.

Next time that happens I’ll make sure to cut their dirty hands off and burn them to ashes, so they never bother you again. I promise to send their ashes to you soon.

I  don’t like breaking promises, darling.

Whatever happens remember that I still love you.

With eternal love,

- Your loyal servant, Suga”

Reading the note over and over again I couldn’t help but think that I should go to the police but as quick as the thought formed it had to go away. If it was true that they were watching my every move then I couldn’t risk going to the police because who knew what they’d do, they already knew where I lived and so they must also know my family and friends too. I wasn’t going to go around and risk them unless it got too dangerous.

Time had flown by the window, and by the time I finished reading all of Suga’s letters it had already turned dark.

”Ah, I must’ve skipped lunch and dinner...”, I mutter. I wasn’t surprised, actually, it happened very often where I’d be so caught up I forgot about time. Today was no exception it seems.

Everyone in my house, except for myself, were out for the next week. I wasn’t worried about being by myself, neither about the stalkers since from what I caught on they seem more keen on keeping me out of harm, strangely knowing that they were there and would try and keep harm away from me made me worry less about the dangers of being by myself, though a recurring theme on their letters was taking me away when the right time came that was going to be easy to avoid; I just wasn’t going to give them the right time. I’d make it impossible for them to take me until I could be sure that I and my family could be safe, then I’d go to the police. That’s the plan, the best case scenario.

Deciding that it was enough blabbering to myself, I try to cheer myself up and go make some food. I wasn’t going to make some Gordon Ramsay premium meal, fuck that shit, I’d just go for one of those 5-6 minutes microwave dishes or whatever.

As the dish sat in the microwave I decided to turn on my phone, and not to my surprise Jeongguk had bombarded my phone with texts and calls. Even though I wasn’t surprised, it didn’t mean it didn’t creep or worry me out.

We hadn’t even been around each other for a week and he already was slightly getting on my nerves. I was going to have a talk with him about respecting others privacy.

I open the messenger app to find texts after text from Jeongguk. My chest slightly hurt, since when was he this dependable?

——☽

Jeonggukie

Hey i’m gonna be studying so i’ll have to turn my phone off (>o<) :ME

Jeonggukie: okay (^o^)!

Jeonggukie: it’s fine just text me once you’re done!

Jeonggukie: gtg team needs its’ golden player again

[sent at 1:16pm]

Jeonggukie: YOY O Y OY O!!!!

Jeonggukie: Why haven’t you texted me bakc?

Jeonggukie: *back

Jeonggukie: are u mad @ me??

Jeonggukie: Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）

[sent at 1:23pm]

Jeonggukie: wait.... don’t tell me you’re actually mad?

Jeonggukie: fuck,

Jeonggukie: gtg again for practice but by the time i’m back you better not be studying anymore and be online with me,,,

[sent at 2:34pm]

Jeonggukie: [Name]...

Jeonggukie: Are you ok?

Jeonggukie: You’re not hurt right?!

Jeonggukie: Oh fuck....

Jeonggukie: What if someone took you?!

Jeonggukie: What if someone HURT you?!

Jeonggukie: [Last name] [Name] you better text me right now or else I might do something we both will regret....

[sent at 4:20pm]

Jeonggukie: [Name]...

Jeonggukie: I went over to their house but,

Jeonggukie: They told me you weren’t with them...

Jeonggukie: They also didn’t know where you are...

Jeonggukie: Or if you’re with someone

Jeonggukie: So then the question is...

Jeonggukie: Where are you Bunn?

Jeonggukie: They didn’t tell me :(

Jeonggukie: Will you tell me?

Jeonggukie: :(

[sent at 5:37pm]

Jeonggukie: They told me they didn’t know but I know they’re lying!

Jeonggukie: So I took care of them!!

Jeonggukie: Aren’t you happy?!

Jeonggukie: Awww, but now I’m dirty :((

Jeonggukie: Your prince can’t be dirty can he?

[sent at 7:43pm]

Jeonggukie: i still can’t find u tho...

Jeonggukie: you can’t be still studying... actually you may!

Jeonggukie: idk BunBun, it seems weird to me u never did this before....

[sent at 7:56pm]

Jeonggukie: u know what!

Jeonggukie: I'm going over to your house!

Junggukie: and if you’re not there or with someone else...

Jeonggukie: Kookie is going on a man hunt ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

[sent at 8:00pm]

——☽

What the hell? What was he going on about? In all honesty I was curious, but I didn’t want to find out. The more I thought about what Jeon had texted me, the more it confused me. Thoughts mixed with illusions, and facts mixed with theories.

What if Jeongguk was one of the note writers?

It seems so far fetched, I mean how did I even come with that conclusion, but it also makes so much sense. If he was one of these creeps then- no, he couldn’t, but then it could explain his weird behavior. My gut feeling was hysterically telling me to block him out of my life but...

Heck, [Name] stop it, you’re mixing up reality with fantasy and making life more difficult than what it should be. I did my best to push the thought away, but it somehow always found a way to linger in my mind. But there’s no way Jeongguk would be stalking me, we had barely even reconciled. I had been so caught up in thoughts that I hadn’t heard the front door opening, and by the time I did the intruder had already made their way to the kitchen. Tensing up at not only the arrival of the intruder but also at the obnoxious sound of the microwave announcing itself ready, I jump slightly when a hand pats my shoulder to then engulf me in a hug.

”Bunny! Oh my god! I thought someone had hurt you!”, Jeongguk pouted, “Why didn’t you answer my texts, [Name]?”

Feeling uncomfortable I slightly push his hands off me but to no avail as he continues holding me tight.

“God! Jeongguk, I told you I was studying! Not everyone can get A’s without working!” I try to sound as true and confident as possible. If my assumptions were true then any false move could mean hell for me.

“Ah, Darling you flatter me!” He joked, “but don’t go around thinking like that, don’t tell me someone told you the opposite?”

Fuck, why is he acting so weird! Who even asks these questions? This wasn’t the Jeongguk I left. He’s meant to get these thoughts away not confirm them!

“Jeez, Jeon, it’s nothing I promise you. This test is very important to me and I can’t risk failing it” I try to reason with him he was acting unreasonably right now.

“Mhm, is that so?” He questions as he lays his head on top of mine, “Then it’s decided. Tomorrow I’ll take you to a friends house so he can teach you, he’s really smart Bunny!” He laughed a bit.

“Haha, really?” I ask slightly disheartened.

”Yeah, his name is Kim Namjoon, do you know him by any chance?”

Hell fucking no, he couldn’t be talking about council president Kim Namjoon, right?

“The-the council president?” I gulped, please no no no no no no no no no no n-

“Yes, you’re not that anti-social, Bunny.”

Fuck.

——————————☽

[Earlier || 3rd p.o.v]

Jeongguk was freaking out. You hadn’t answered his text for a while now. You couldn’t be studying for that long, right? You normally always had your phone with you so then why weren’t you texting him? Had you met someone better? Did you meet someone better? Even after all he did for you? He changed so much because of you and you were paying him like this? It was clear to him that you wouldn't be studying for that long.

No, it wasn’t you, it was probably some pesky friend of yours keeping you away from him, let’s be real you love him so why would you ignore him.

Jeongguk didn’t like that at all.

Maybe what he was going to was harsh, but it wasn’t like it was his first time doing this for you. But he couldn’t do it alone.

He had gotten so anxious and scared something had happened to you he began shaking. With the anxiety eating him away he shakily dialed the number and waited to get his call to get picked up.

”Namjoon, I need help with something”

It had taken Jeongguk and Jimin little to no time finding out where your ‘friends’ were.

”Does she really have to hang out with people like them?” Jimin asked Jeongguk, accentuating them. It was clear that the boy didn’t approve of the people you hung out with, why couldn’t you hang out with him instead? He was clearly better than these Joy and Lisa girls.

”Oi! It’s not my fault none of you had the balls to hang out with her before.” Jeongguk snarled at his older friend, they made you happy, why was Jimin questioning you?

“Well, why don’t you grow a pair and hang out with her then?” Jimin mocked, he knew why, they all knew why.

”Oh shut up you burnt piece of-“

Just as Jeongguk was about to throw a punch, the front door open and out came your best friend, Joy.

Confused she started at the two boys and asked, “Jeon, Park? What are you two doing here?”

Jumping slightly, Jimin offered her a charming smiling as he pushed Jeongguk's’ hand away, “Aw! Joy you caught us! We were just wondering about [Name], and since you two are friends we thought we’d come and ask you!”

It didn't make sense to Joy why they’d come to her house when they could’ve texted he, much less when they could have directly asked [Name]r.

“Why didn’t you call me then? It would’ve been easier...” She trailed off.

“We didn’t have your number!” Jeongguk smiled.

Liars, they did have her number and she knew it, how else would’ve they invited her to those parties. That’s when she noticed why it felt odd.

“Well, how did your know where I live” She questioned further, they weren’t acting like usual. Joy never liked them, to be honest, she always found them weird but this was on another level.

”We checked the school records, silly!” Jimin laughed, he was starting to get annoyed.

”What are talking about? Stop acting so weird!” She shouted, who would go that far to know where someone lived!

Plus, the school records had her dad’s house not this one!

”Atta, girl!”, Jimin smirked walking towards the girl, “You haven’t been answering any of our questions and it’s getting annoying..”

”Where is [Name]?” Jeongguk butted in.

Shaking her head slightly she tried closing the door on them, things were escalating quickly and she didn’t like where this was going.

”Stupid girl, where is she?” Jimin asked harsher, she was taking too long and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was willing to put up with her. Jimin was a patient good boy but when it came to you he couldn’t wait, he wasn’t going to wait.

”I-I don’t know now leave me alone!”

Oh poor Joy!

—☽

It had taken the boys a few hours but eventually she broke, everyone brakes eventually.

But sadly, it was true; she didn’t know where you were.

And now the boys had spilled blood that shouldn’t have been spilled.

”Look what you did Jeongguk!”, Jimin scowled as he dragged what he hoped and looked like the leftovers of a girl's arm, “Now we have to clean this whole shit up by ourselves, you little bitch. ”

The younger boy had been given the task of taking out the heavy load as he had been the one responsible for this kill.

“How many times do I have to tell you she wasn’t, and still isn’t for your fucking information, picking up my calls or responding to my texts!” He shouted from outside, it was true. While Jimin was busy trying to coax out information about your whereabouts, Jeongguk had been repeatedly calling you.

“Be grateful we actually got useful information about [Name] or else I would’ve told Namjoon about your breakdown.” The eldest of the two threatened as he glared at the younger boy.

They had been cleaning for a good hour when they realized they still had a shit more to clean, deciding to call for help, they patiently sat at the dead girls house as they roamed through a box of momentum’s Joy had of her and her friends.

And to their luck, she had a few pictures of you. They had passed the rest of the wait there going through her stuff trying to find anything about or from you, which they did. In their eyes, they hit the mother load.

They had been so caught up by the box and it’s content they hadn’t realized their friends had arrived.

It was like the two boys were there with you! Gushing at the thought they searched further and further in the seemingly never ending box.

“Kook, we need help if you want to burn the evidence, I’m afraid you’ll need to-“, Namjoon started but his voice drifted off as he took a better look at the box in the youngest hands, “What’s that?”

”Ah! Just a box Jiminie and I found at the girls house, if you look closely it has a lot of stuff from [Name]!” Jeongguk exclaimed happily, hell yes he was proud of himself, he means, how many times can the others say they found anything remotely similar to this?

”Are you sure there’s nothing else like that in the house?” Namjoon asked again as he took a look through the box, maybe there’d be something, anything that could help get closer to you, help him get closer to you.

”Don’t know...”, Jimin trailed off, “maybe we can search while we finish the place up.”

And that’s what they did, four boys; Namjoon, Jimin, Jeongguk and Taehyung went through the house searching for anything that could be of use to them. But to much of their dismay, they didn’t find much.

Clearly pissed Namjoon mercilessly threw the lighter at the house setting the building ablaze. Without even looking back, he made his way to the car and patiently waited for his friends as they watched the building burn.

After a while, Jimin and Taehyung suggested Jeongguk to continue searching for you. And so the youngest did, texting you about going to your house he asks his friends to drop him there.

As they watched him leave the car Namjoon calls out to him, “Kook, we helped you with your little stunt but now you have to help us, you’ll set us up with her somehow, ok?”

A little nervous, Jeongguk just nods. How is he supposed to set you and the other three up? Turning around towards your house he sees the lights on, you had to be there. Scolding himself for not checking your house earlier he invites himself in, not really caring if you wanted privacy or not.

Because why would you want to be away from your groom?

———☽

[Present// 1st p.o.v]

After leading Jeongguk out of my house, after agreeing to take his stupid study lessons with that Namjoon man, I can’t wait to go to sleep.

Taking a quick shower, I throw myself at my bed only to be met with the odd feeling of paper against my chest.

Terror courses through my veins as I slowly sit up from a lying position. Oh hell no, please no. Fully sitting up, I stare in front of me to find a pretty, slightly crumbled, white envelope with a pretty heart sticker in the middle.

How did it get here? The only other person who came here was.... Jeongguk. But when did he come inside my room?

——☽

Our Dearest [Name],

We are happy to see that you keep the notes we give you!

It shows how much we mean to you, of course you will never understand the extents we’d go for you. You will soon learn how to truly accept us as your future lovers.

It does sadden most of us to see you only read Suga’s letters, in the other hand he was beaming. Tell us, darling, do you read the rest of our notes like that too?

We hope.

Anyway, we are glad that we will have an opportunity to get closer soon, and we trust your feelings will come to light soon too.

With Love,

-BTS

———☽

_____________ღ

The fated day had arrived, and I was now heading over to Jeongguk’s house for our study session. I was terrified. I didn’t want to meet Jeongguk, not now that this awful theory had planted itself on my brain, and I definitely didn’t want to meet Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon, face of an angel and a personality Satan himself would be jealous of. He was student council president. At the beginning he was a sweetheart, he tricked all of us to believe him to be one. He was despicable, using his powers to his advantage to remain on top of the social hierarchy at school. Even if it was just school to some, he saw it as an opportunity to climb his way up in society now. Hanging out with the kids whose parents were CEO’s, treating them with respect and giving them what they wanted. And excellent grades, working extra credit every day and following the rules like a bible. And just like that he had managed to secure himself job offers from big companies at the age of eighteen and a half, he had enough offers that he could get fired from each one everyday for years and never be jobless. But to keep such a picture perfect image some dirty work needed to be done, of course his hands wouldn’t even budge as he always had someone else do it for him.

He was so wicked and corrupted the Devil himself was afraid.

I was shaking throughout the whole drive, my legs began moving by themselves and it suddenly felt like I wasn’t in my body anymore.

“Gran, are we close?” I asked, my voice breaking at the possibility of only being a few minutes.

”No, baby, the road we normally take closed so it’ll take us a while longer put it half an hour? God, why do things like this happen at the worst times?” Gran commented, she was right. Why do the worst things happen when you least need them to? Was there a need for balance? Did every time something good happens something bad had to contradict the previous events as if to remind you that ‘hey this is real life not a movie, so bad shit happens, deal with it’.

Sighing I tell Gran that I’ll try sleeping the rest of the trip off, maybe it’ll take my mind off things, hopefully I won’t dream surely they’d be nightmares.

But sleep wouldn’t take me, thoughts about what could happen, whether it be due to the nonsense that my brain had come up with or not wasn’t clear to me, the thoughts haunted me and sleep seemed farther and farther away.

So for the rest of the car ride I just stared ahead of me. I counted clouds, the number of red cars that passed, how many people would wave back at me if I waved, how many dogs were on the street, I did everything to not be reminded that I would drown in the five hours without parental supervision next to a former friend and potential stalker and a student council president sociopath.

Closing my eyes I let out a sigh, maybe if I don’t speak about anything personal and just focus on studying it’ll go faster.

——☽

By the time we had arrived at Jeongguk’s house I was almost an hour late. And knowing from experience Namjoon didn’t like it at all. My friend Irene, the head of our club had told us stories about the boys’ ill temper. Approaching the driveway, I fumbled with my book bag and silently prayed that some stupid shit happened to Namjoon and that he wouldn’t be able to come to the tutoring session. But whatever deity is up there seemed to want to fuck me over and went out there and made him wait for me outside. And damn did he look pissed.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck- I pissed Kim Namjoon! I had unwillingly and unknowingly pissed Kim Namjoon, and now here he was death glaring at my car.

I didn’t care that my grandmother was driving me, fuck that, what I did care was what Namjoon could and would say. His presence was enough to invoke fear and terror and plant it in my chest.

Getting out of the car I ask my gran to pick me up earlier, “Grans, I know the session ends at six, and it’s now one but please for all that’s good pick me up at five or maybe even earlier? Make anything up, that you needed me for something! I don’t know like, help with the tv or whatever, please! I’ll do anything!” I begged her.

”Why? Weren’t you and that Jeon boy friends?” She asked me curiously, she didn’t exactly shoot down my offer yet I knew that did I say anything wrong she’d probably pick me up at ten out of spite.

”Used to, we got into a fight and I don’t want to stay with him too long, I-please.”

”Fine, fine. Just text me and I’ll come before but no matter what I’ll pick you up at five okay?”

Nodding viciously, I thank her and bid her goodbye. I had an escape plan now if things went south, and if I grew uncomfortable I could text the girls, now all that’s left is actually going through with the study session.

“Ah! Hello [Name], it seems you finally showed up!” Namjoon says as he stands up to shake my hand, I don't know if he’s being kind or just being a sarcastic prick, but at this point, I don’t care, I needed this to go faster, so fast that it’d seem like a dream, a horrible and awkward dream.

”Oh yes, the street I normally take was closed due to a house fire nearby” I try to excuse myself.

”Oh yes! I heard it was quite brutal, it seems they also found a dead girl there, I think she went to our school, Park Sooyeong or Joy does it ring a bell?” He asks faking concern, why do I think he’s faking concern? Maybe it was due to the way his eyes twinkled with wonder when I asked him what he meant, maybe it was for the joy laced in his tone.

“I’m sorry, what?” I laugh, tears gathered around my eyes as I tried to understand the wicked grin that sat in his face, why couldn’t he have told me differently, not so vaguely and so disinterested probably because he knows she was my best friend, because she’d always cause him trouble, because she was different; why? Joy, the thought of her dead made me start bawling my eyes right there. She couldn’t be.. dead? She had called me yesterday to make plans to hang out next weekend. Her happy voice haunted me, there’s no way.... Why hadn’t anyone told me before? Was she the only one dead? Or did her mother and sister die too? Why wasn’t it on the news? Or had I been so selfish that I didn’t check properly?

”Shhh, [Name], it’s okay! You’re safe,” Namjoon whispers as he pulls me into a hug, from what would I be safe? I didn’t care and my grip on his shirt tightened, I wanted to pull him away, “They won’t hurt you, they’d never hurt you.”

Who?

Who was he talking about and why was he so certain. Suddenly something clicked in my brain, something Jeongguk said the rooftop that day.

”Why won’t she like me! I did everything Namjoon told me to do.... I did everything!”

Namjoon. He had something to do with Jeongguk acting weird, and now here he is not worrying about the death of somebody but me? Jeongguk and Namjoon. They did hang out together, did they not?  Nothing made sense anymore, and I didn’t know what was real or fake. It kept getting mixed up in my head. What if Jeongguk and Namjoon are working together?

“What are you talking about? You make it sound as if it was a serial killer, this town is safe why would a killer be loose?” I ask, I needed to get as much information out of him and Jeongguk as possible. But there is no way he’ll believe-

“Oh, haven’t you heard what I said? They mutilated the girl, it has to be someone experienced with murder and getting away, I mean if you looked at the news you’d see, they found pieces of the dead bodies all around the street, there were footprints of five to four different shoes and sizes, unless the perpetrator had many different sized feet then it’s clear that there were more people, at the very least four. It’s even said that whoever mutilated the body, even if not being a doctor due to the way the bones had been sliced, was someone with experience.” He stated matter of factly, but it just didn’t seem right to me. What news? No news station had reported any of this. My grandma had the news on as I got ready and no news about this had been displayed at all, and how would these things get out to the public? Different shoe sizes, what were they going to do, measure everyones’ feet?

But before I could ask any other question Jeongguk came out rather excited for our study session. I think this is the first time since coming back that I’ve been glad Jeongguk showed up.

In my head this suddenly this wasn’t just a study session, this was my opportunity to figure what the hell was happening, not only to me but to Joy and the town.

——☽

We had spent three hours studying and I still had no progress on my new mission. And it honestly felt like hell. I sighed slightly as Namjoon kept on rambling about Newton’s laws of motion, acceleration and pressure. I knew this stuff, not to a cup of tea but definitely more than what Namjoon seemed to think I knew.

He suddenly stopped though, maybe my sigh wasn’t as discreet as I thought it was and he looked at me straight in the eyes without saying anything. Finding this a bit creepy I look over to Jeongguk, who had been unusually quiet, to find him staring at me with the same intensity, let’s say for lack of better wording.

Feeling utterly uncomfortable, I excuse myself to the bathroom only to be grabbed by not only Namjoon but Jeongguk from both wrists, not letting me stand up properly. It was a horror KDrama scene. I stumbled to the floor and gasped, what the hell?

”Uh,I need to go to the bathroom? Can you, like, let me go?” I question, what the fuck are they doing?

”Don’t-don’t take too long, Bunny!” Jeongguk says blushing as he retrieves his hand waiting for Namjoon to do the same.

”Y-yeah, we-we still have a lot to cover!” Namjoon tried to cover up his embarrassment by bringing up more work, fuck him for that.

”Yeah, I’ll keep it in mind...”

I hurried to the bathroom with my bag in my arms and pull out my phone. I hadn’t used it all day, too scared about seeing my inbox flooded by texts from Jeongguk. As fast as I could I open the messenger app and tap on our friend group.

——☽

NO LIFE’S AND THEIR MOM LOL

Nini♥︎: omfg, did you guys hear?

[Sent at 12:57PM]

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: yeah, i didn’t believe it

Rosie🌹: my mom sat me down and told me

Rosie🌹: i haven’t cried this much in ages

[Sent at 1:34PM]

Mom-rene💖: who’d do this?

Seulgi bear🐻: I heard they stole the friend box she had

Seulgi bear🐻: like, the one with pics and stuff about us?

Wen-Wen💙: the one she did with us when [name] came???

Seulgi bear🐻: yeah, it’s gone

[Sent at 1:35PM]

Chicken🦆: so you’re saying someone broke into joy's house, burned it, killed her all for a box??

Yerim💜: who the fuck would do that that’s sick as fuck,,,,

[Sent at 1:45PM]

Seulgi Bear🐻: ok so you know how my dad works at the police station???

Nini♥︎: yes

Yerim💜: seulgi......

Seulgi Bear🐻: they found the box

Mom-rene💖: what?!

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: with all of the stffu

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: *stuff

Seulgi Bear🐻: now, don’t freak out much but

Seulgi Bear🐻: they found fingerprints, they assume that’s the people that killed Joy AND  burned her house....

Rosie🌹: people???

Chicken🦆: like more than 1?

Seulgi Bear🐻: yes, but here’s where it gets really weird.... all of the stuff about us was there...

Mom-rene💖: tell me how’s that weird?

Seulgi Bear🐻: All but [name]’s

Seulgi Bear🐻: her stuff was gone, all of it.

Nini♥︎: you don’t think....

Wen-Wen💙: seulgi,

Wen-Wen💙: who’s fingerprints did they find??

Seulgi Bear🐻: Park Jimin’s, Jeon Jeongguk’s and Kim Namjoon’s, those were in the box

Seulgi Bear🐻: in the door handle they found Kim Taehyung’s

Mom-rene💖: [name]! weren’t you at Jeongguk’s house with Namjoon?!

Yerim💜: get out of there!

Chicken🦆: now!!

Lalalisaaa🤟🏻: she’s not responding, omg do you think she is dead??

Seulgi Bear🐻: she will be fine, the police are investigating further, don’t worry [name]

Yerim💜: can’t they just arrest them!!

Seulgi Bear🐻: sadly, they need more evidence... they could’ve found the box after  the murder left or maybe even before, joy could have gifted it to them and Taehyung could’ve gone over to her house before, you know how they used to date and all....

Mom-rene💖: but IF they’re the stalkers, does that mean they’re also responsible for the love notes?

Wen-Wen💙: idk probably

Rosie🌹: So they’ll probably not hurt her,,,,

Mom-rene💖: [name], whenever you read this, getting out of there understood?

Nini♥︎: go to seulgi’s house, k?

Seulgi Bear🐻: we will all be there, you’re not alone....

[Sent 3:47PM]

I’m getting out of here now, don’t worry:You

[Sent at 3:53PM]

——☽

“I’m sorry but I need to go now, my grandma just texted me.”

___________

“Wait! What? [Name] don’t go, please!” I heard Jeongguk yell behind me, causing Namjoon to look at him. I ran as I saw Namjoon turn away and Jeongguk run beside him.

I hid behind the wall  of the corridor as Jeongguk scrambled next to Namjoon, asking him what to do. I could hear Namjoon talking over the phone and Jeongguk crying his eyes out whispering soft mantra of “What do we do?”.

“S-shit, Jeongguk stop screaming- [Name] left? N-no Jin don’t hang up, I-I know we’re in deep shit but- yes, we’ll be more careful next time, and we’ll- yes, we are going to call you if we- when we do it again”, Namjoon sighed, “she doesn’t know, she left running I think, she was texting her friends’ silence, “Yeah she’s friends with Seulgi the daughter of the chief detective- Shit!”

He hung up and made his way towards the bathroom door, in other words the other side of the room, the side I wasn’t in. Bolting my way outside I make my way towards Seulgi’s house.

Just who was Jin, why was Jeongguk acting so weird and what dip shit were they in?

——☀︎

“G-god! [Name] you’re alive!” Irene threw herself at me the minute I entered Seulgi’s room.

Irene was never one to cry, but here she was mourning the death of her friend, our friend Joy, she was gone. Seeing all my friends in a room faces red and eyes swollen made me realize that it was true; Joy was dead.

That they killed Joy.

”It has to be them, it just has to be!” The youngest, Yeri, cried, she was a few months older than me yet we always treated her as the baby.

”I-it probably is them, dad said so and he’s good I-I trust he’ll bring justice to Joy.” Seulgi whispered, she seemed to be in disbelief, I remembered how she used to like Jimin only a few weeks ago.

”Cheeky, you were with Jeongguk and Namjoon, two of the suspects weren’t you?” Lisa asked, she was stroking Rosé’s hair as the later filled the room with sobs, I couldn’t bear to watch her.

”Y-yeah, they were acting w-weirder than usual.” I choked out, tears brimmed my eyes and I realized I hadn’t cried much over Joy’s death; why? Because Namjoon freaked me out and Jeongguk is a weirdo, that’s why.

“W-when I left N-Namjoon was t-talking about not getting caught”, I sink into the bed beside Rosé, “T-they talked about the police a-and I-I think they killed Joy”

“But why?”, Jennie asked exasperated, “Why would they kill Joy? What did Joy have that no one else did?”

“Well- I mean, hadn’t we established that they were the love note writers?”, Yeri asked and we all nodded, “So remember how they started getting weirder and weirder as time went on?”

Again, we only nodded.

“So, what if they are the stalkers? I-I mean not like average stalkers I mean full out ‘I-Will-Kill-For-You’ stalkers? Like, Joy was friends with [Name], and both of you hanged out a lot even without us, so what if they wanted to, I don’t know, figure out where you were and they got mad or something and killed her? I mean, it’s not really the first time someone close to us or someone that has shown interest in us, in [Name], has died suddenly, and you’ve all got to admit they’ve always acted weird when [Name] was around. We always played it off as coincidence but, really…? That’s just dumb..” Yeri trailed off, I was left in shock at how much sense it all made; had I been that stupid?

“There we have killers and a motive.” Seulgi said slowly, it made so much sense that another wave of tears came.

“But! They have an alibi, don’t they?” Wendy spoke for the first time with a hoarse voice, she sounded defeated, it hurt seeing somebody as extroverted as her so quite.

”What if it doesn’t coincide with , for example, Jeongguk did though, I mean I was with him that day...”

”What? What do you mean, [Name]?” Rosé asked, probably excited at the possibility of Joy getting justice, but a part of her also seemed confused.

”What was Jeongguk’s alibi, Seulgi?”

”Seokjin said that he, Jeongguk, Namjoon, Taehyung and Jimin had spent the whole evening with him and that they didn’t really leave the house.” Seulgi recalled, yet something felt odd...

”That is just plain wrong, Jeongguk went over to my house, the-the day of the murder he was out! Seokjin is in this, maybe it’s true that he was at home but the rest no, and so is Namjoon, of those two, when I went to Jeongguk’s house I saw a car that was probably Namjoon’s,  so that’s a fact now, though he drives like shit, Jeongguk told me that, and the car that had dropped him off had a very bad driver because my front house neighbors’ complained about a black van that almost ran over their sons in a play date that day, that was Namjoon! S-so it’s possible Jimin and Taehyung were there too!”

“A black van? Dad said that a few witnesses saw a black van!”, Seulgi added in shock, “Kim Yerim you’re a genius!”

“Now we need evidence, to get them in jail where they belong”, Jennie spoke up, “But how do we do that?”

”Easy, we know their weaknesses and we’ll use it against them,'' Irene said determined, she sounded as if she was planning something, “They won’t get away with this.”

”And what is that?” Wendy asked her, she sounded unsure at the idea of interacting with them.

”Their weakness is [Name], she'll need to get close to them, gain their trust and then find clues as to what is going on... that is if she’s up to it.” Irene looked me in the eye.

”We now know they are serious trouble, are you up for it [Name]?”, Jisoo looked up from the window, she had spent the whole conversation so quiet I hadn’t even noticed her, “Do you want to put an end to this?”

“Yes.”

_____________ღ

Year: 20##

Place: Some Dumpster

Point of view: Hoseok Jung

———☀︎

Biting at my bottom lip I try to slow down my pace as to not bring too much attention to me, that’d be bad. Very bad. It’s not like what I was doing was going to not draw attention to myself, everyone stared at me suspiciously as I walked with my big, green bag. I would too, honestly.

The bag itself wasn’t what would draw attention, it was the smell. It smelt fucking awful, and I knew that everywhere I went it left the smell of a corpse around. Sure, if someone used their imagination they could come up with a strange and repulsive accusation, but then again...

What could have I done?

No one would suspect a 15 year old of murder, would they? I could easily say it was my gym clothes, with puberty and all. It wasn’t the whole body, oh no! We left the big stuff to Seokjin and Yoongi, I just had the inside stuff, the organs. But most importantly and my biggest worry was the heart.

A thief’s heart.

The heart that almost stole [Name]’s. His name was Mark Lee, he was around [Name]’s age, maybe younger, they had a few classes together and talked every once in a while when he suddenly decided to confess to her, who was he to do so? But that wasn’t a problem, that wasn’t meant to be a problem. All she had to do was rejected and then we’d all be okay, but no; she gave him a chance.

She gave that little asshole a chance but wouldn’t even spare a glance my way. And for that I was going to make his life a living hell.

They were going on their first date tomorrow, it was meant to be at the movies to watch  a crappy romance movie she’d been gushing about with him about, ha, watching movies at a first date with my [Name]? She deserves the best first date in the world, something only I can give her. She doesn’t deserve that, not from him, she deserves the world.

“And you can’t give that to her, can you Lee?” I mumbled as I made my way to the dumpster.

——☽

By the time I arrived at the dumpster, the sun had set and the whole sky had an orange tint to it, [Name] would be home probably in her room doing whatever her little heart wanted, maybe getting ready for the big day tomorrow and a big day it was.

Opening the bag I gently sit down in the middle of the garbage, I look for the healthiest and best looking organs and store them little containers Seokjin had given me before, he had taken them from one of his father's hospitals, he wouldn’t miss them they had many. The old man had everything, hospitals to hotels. Those organs we’d sell or do whatever Yoongi did with them, we didn't care what he did with them as long as it brought money for the our, my her, plan.  

Humming, I put on the gloves and prepare myself to take out the organs that seemed to have taken the least damage from Jimin’s little fit with the younger boy, poor Mark his handsome face was completely destroyed now. Too bad, [Name] wouldn’t even want to look him in the face now.

“Aish, the kid needs to learn not to break valuable stuff like this...”, I muttered as I try and arrange Mark’s brain nicely in the box, “Why did you have a brain and didn’t use it? It’s making such a mess now, it’s only use is that making messes, look where it led you Mark. Now you’re dead and probably getting sold to some weird Frankenstein scientist or something...”

Looking at the boxes I had arranged, I take out my spare phone and text Yoongi warning him where the boxes where for him to pick tomorrow, if he didn’t we could get into some shitty  trouble. Now I could focus on the main attraction.

The Heart.

Putting on my gloves again I play with the small organ, it fit nicely in my hand.

“What happens if I give you a- haha!”, I squeeze the muscle a bit and see it twitch as it continues palpitating slightly, “Haha, look at this! Useless, you aren’t even attached to someone and yet you try so hard to be useful, pathetic.”

Tossing the heart around for awhile I grew tired, and decided to finish the boy off.

“You’re lucky Namjoon didn’t want me bringing the kit with me or else you would’ve been dissected right here, right now”, I looked at it with pity, “God, you were very naive you know? Thinking someone like [Name] would even be interested in you, ha, please”

I take it and squeeze it tighter, blood gushing from the little arteries.

Quickly getting the butcher knife from the bag, with shaky hands I cut the heart in small pieces trying to make them as symmetrical as possible. Fucking disgusting.

”Now! Don’t you look better?”, I ask to no one as I place the heart pieces with the rest of the organs that Yoongi wouldn’t be able to sell, “Bet you your friends would love to have a taste of you won’t they? Seokjin and Taehyung will have a good meal to prepare for your friends now~”

I laugh a bit as I fish for a bag around the dumpster, finding a broken recycled bag I place the containers filled with the body parts and store them for Yoongi, “You’re lucky we like the same girl or else I would’ve ratted on you ages ago...”I muttered as I place the containers in then old, worn out bag, “This is all for you, [Name]”

Does this mean I’m happy sharing? No, of fucking course I’m not.

But who said I can’t rat them all out later?

Laughing loudly, I take out the gas and lighter as I throw the gasoline around the area making a heart, or at least something similar.

“This is all for you, baby” I repeat as I throw the lighter at the fire. I watch a bit as the fire grew and grew taller and taller, deciding that I should change clothes I strip down from my sweatpants and stay only using my t-shirt, only then I realized how cold it was.

All for [Name].

Sighing a bit, I dirty my spare pants to make it look like I had gotten into a fight or something, even going as far as punching myself to create bruises; who would suspect a boy how had just gotten mugged?

Taking off my shoes and one sock I throw into the fire, watching it burn brighter as I throw stuff into it, filling it, making it go higher and higher and-

“It’s like my love for you”, I giggle, “the love I’ll be able to give to you soon, very soon”

No one would suspect Jung Hoseok for murder; I won’t let them.

_____________ღ

“Geeze, [Name], we didn’t really think this through did we?”, Wendy whispered beside me as we made our way through the school halls, she was right. We, indeed, didn’t think this through.

”I mean, yeah- we didn’t think through it all, but god if we’re right it’d make things so much easier for Seulgi’s dad to catch them!”, I explain as I try and mask the, very obvious, fear, “Plus, I don’t think it’s just Joy they killed, they must’ve done this multiple times, it was all to clean, Namjoon himself said so, plus if they got out of it once who says they couldn’t have done it before?”

“Yeah, plus why would a police station have their data in it if they hadn’t found their dna somewhere else?” Wendy questioned anxiously, I hadn’t noticed it before. But then again, didn’t the police station have the dna of all of those who lived in town? But then, they did seem wary considering the way Seulgi's’ dad spoke of them.

”Mark.” I stop walking as I suddenly stop dead in my tracks.

”Mark Lee? The dude that went missing before your date...” Wendy stared at me as she trailed off.

”You don’t think?”, she asked me shaking slightly, “That they had something to do?”

“I mean-“

”Hello! You’re both Wendy and [Name], right?” A student council member asked us.

Ah yes, the plan.

“Yeah! We wanted to talk to Kim Namjoon about perhaps holding a funeral service for our friend Park Sooyeong, she passed away a few days ago. We are on the list, right?`` I ask trying to make myself sound as sad as possible, Wendy catching on and only responding with a nod and a short sniffle.

“Yes, please, can we speak with Namjoon?”

”Yes. Follow me,” He walks towards the farthest door, us walking closely behind, “So, please don’t take long, Namjoon has been acting really off lately, don’t-don’t tell him I said that! So the council is trying to take as many interviews and meetings ourselves.”

The boy looked at us, concern lacing his eyes as he whispers, “Please, be safe and don’t anger him too much.”

He then motions towards the door and leaves.

”Wendy, leave it to me, stay here, please.”

——☽

I knocked on the door thrice, when I heard a faint “Come in”, followed by some paper shuffling.

I open the door and peek inside, this was unexpected. The room was mainly filled with browns and dark reds, the schools colors, the furniture giving an antique feel to the room. In the middle, the desk of the council president sat, a leather couch by its side and two chairs in front. It looked like the whole schools budget went into the room. No wonder Namjoon blackmailed students.

”State your business an-“, he began monotonously when he looked up at me to meet my eyes, “[N-Name], I didn’t think it-it was you, I- here! Take a seat please!”

He was stuttering and he couldn’t even form a sentence.

“Ah, Namjoon! Please don’t worry, it’s fine”, I smile at him as I sit down, “I came here to talk about the funeral service for Sooyeong, Joy, she-she was really close to me an-and now that she’s gone, I- we felt it would be important to be able to hold something in her memory, you know?”, I feel tears swell in my eyes at the thought of my friend. Maybe acting like it hurt wasn’t going to be as hard as I had thought, fate had laid down the prefect Shakespearean tragedy.

He slightly stiffened at the mention of Joy, or my tears I don’t know at this point. Blushing red he gives me a small pocket handkerchief, and looks at me smiling, how can he smile so freely?

“Would that make you happy?” He looks at me as he grabs my hand, his hand covered all of my hand, his smile was cute; but he may have been the murderer of my best friend and there’s no way I’ll forget that. Until he’s proven innocent, I won’t budge. Too much evidence was piled up against him.

“Yeah, it would, it really would, thank you”, I smile back at him.

“Anything for a friend”, he smiles, “You’re friends with Jeongguk so you’re friends with me too.” He squeezes my hand slightly, and let’s it go hesitantly.

He stands up, walking all the way towards me from behind the desk just to help me stand up. He places his hand around my shoulders, leading me towards the door. Shouldn’t this meeting be longer?

“Namjoon, I shouldn’t be saying this but...”, I suddenly stop at the front of the door, shaking slightly from fear and sadness; real fear and sadness, “Seulgi’s dad, who’s in the case, thinks that maybe they killed Joy because she was my friend, I’m scared Namjoon. He said it was definitely a murderer, and that it was all to similar to other ones he had participated in; he searched for a bit and found that there were at least two cases that were similar Mark Lee and Vernon Choi, and they were close to me, th-then he said that other people close to me kept disappearing even after I left, and even more now that I’m back th-he thinks I’m next and I’m scared Namjoon, I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t want another Joy.” I made it all up, but fear and sadness that if I failed my friends and those I loved would be hurt, was real, my sanity was deteriorating, I can’t lose anyone anymore. Another loss, I couldn’t have that, I wouldn’t be able to handle it..

”[Name], I promise you that me and Jeongguk will always be there for you, if it makes you feel better I have some friends you could meet, they’re all rather athletic and are really nice, we aren’t the police persee but maybe we can help you feel safe. Maybe I could present you all at lunch today?”

”Ah, yes please, if it’s not too much!” I ask, was he going to let me meet...

“They’re Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin, Jeongguk will be joining us but you already know him very well, don’t you?”

”Yes! We are really close, is it that obvious?” I lied through my teeth, my heartbeat was off the charts as my hands grew sweaty.

”Haha, kind off,” he chuckled, “he never shut ups about you.”

“Really?” I turn red a bit, that jerk, he probably told them all my personal info, god that little son of bitch!

“I look forward to lunch with you, I hope we can become close friends.” He smiles at me as I walk out of the door. Wendy is there waiting for me, we both wave goodbye and leave hurriedly as I begin to tell her about it all.

“Wendy, I think he knows something, he wants me to go eat with the other six.”

“Are you sure about that?” Wendy asked, “They won’t hurt you will they?”

“I don’t know. Have you heard about Irene?” I ask her, we both knew that we didn’t have the answer to her question but maybe Irene did.

“She’s with Park Ji-” My eyes widen, nervously I look at Wendy, she understood.

Her phone rang with a text she looked worried as she stared down at it, I bit my lip.

“I gotta go, go hide in a bathroom so the teachers don’t see you.”

——☽

”Guys we have a special lunch today...”

——☽

“[Name]?”

”Yeah, I got her to come have lunch with us and to speak about a memorial for Sooyeong, but that’s more on me”, Namjoon sighed, “She thinks we’re out to get her, what do we do?”

”Out to get her?”, Seokjin asked eyes bulging, how could she ever think that? Where they too obvious? Had they gone too far?

“Is it because of Sooyeong and ya know?”, Yoongi asked, “I told you, don’t kill unless they impose a threat, what type of threat was her family and her? Wearing the wrong colored shoes?”

“Jimin and Tae said she had caught them before that and that she was already on to something...” Jeongguk trailed off, it wasn’t the first Sooyeong had caught the duo spying on [Name], and it wasn’t the first time she caught any of the seven.

“They had reasons, okay?” Namjoon sighed irritated, what do they win now arguing, it already happened.

”Of course you’d say so, you helped them too!” Hoseok snarled at Namjoon, how could Namjoon be so fucking dumb.

”Well, who was clumsy enough to get her to remember Mark Lee, huh? Didn’t you say you were going to make her forget Mark was even a name yet you couldn’t even talk to her!” Namjoon harshly whispered to the boy next to him, Hoseok’s eyes widen as he looks around the empty classroom in embarrassment.

”She-she what?”, Jeongguk asked, “She remembers Mark?”

”Yeah, she even talked about him to me you fucking idiots, by the way she spoke she seems to remember every single one, even after she left”, Namjoon sighed, “We can’t do much now, or act by the plan, we-we gotta wait longer and not act-“

”Wait longer?”, Yoongi laughed incredulously, “I waited for years, years, Kim, she fucking left and I had to wait longer and now you come up with this bullshit? What about all that, we gotta go fast before she’s tainted and all that bullshit Tae and you blaber on about?”

”If [Name] was able to catch onto something than most possibly the police too, Min, Officer Kang already did for the fucking record, meaning that if the only person alive were to suddenly disappear she would become the prime suspect, and even if they end up cleaning her name, her life would be ruined because that’d mean they’d need to find us and a) she’d be unprotected, b) or they’ll see her like an accomplice, she’d go to jail because of some shit she didn’t do. That’d be fucking it, it’s better to get close to her and wait for a while or convince her to come with us willingly.”

Yoongi stayed silent as thoughts raced around his head. Who did they think they were to tell him what to do?

“Namjoon’s right...”, Jimin sighed, everyone sighed, “It hurts, but we can wait, right? It’ll be nicer to have her now, but don’t you think it’s better to be cautious?”

”Jimin is right, let’s-let’s leave this for later guys”, Taehyung suggested, “[Name] will be having lunch with us won’t she? So, let’s get ready for now, ok?”

He only received a crowd of unmotivated grunts, as they stood up and made their way out of the classroom.

——☽

”Taehyung, do you think she really remembers Mark?” Jeongguk asked his older friend as they made their way towards their lesson.

”Probably, she cared about him a lot, she almost stopped hanging out with you ‘cause of him, remember?” He answered nonchalantly, he knew that was a sensitive spot for Jeongguk.

“Mark Lee”, Jeongguk test out his name, “Mark fucking Lee, I hope you’re burning in hell.”

”I-I can’t believe it, even after everything we did, she still remembers him? Yet she wouldn’t talk to me? If I could, I would bring him back to life over and over again, and kill him every fucking time. I’d make sure to make him suffer, to let him know that he isn’t worthy of thinking of [Name], that I won her heart the minute she won mine, that she’s mine. Mine! Not his, mine! He probably threatened her to go out with her; asshole. Fucking asshole! It’s his fault! I’m meant to win, not him! Haha, I’m happy we got rid of Mark Lee that summer.”

The oldest of the two seemed unfazed at the youngest fit, rather opting to continue walking in silence. He had to agree, though, he also was happy they got rid of Mark Lee and he would do it again if it meant being with [Name].  

Suddenly, a pair of footsteps made themselves clearer behind them. Stopping half way both males stiffened as a voice made itself heard through the empty hallway.

“Y-You killed Mark?”

ღ__________________ღ

“I did it.”

Irene watched in shock as the younger boy confessed to the death of her younger friend.

“But J-“ The oldest began, but was soon cut off as the male before her began speaking.

”Don’t, I don’t know why I’m telling you of all people, after school I-“

”No, J- I’m... we’re talking here now, you killed someone! And n-now you’re after [Name]?” She shouted as anger began numbing her rationality, she knew what was happening, she had told her and now he came here lying to her?!

”[Name]? I could never! I swear, I-It was only Mark I was after!”

”Only Mark? Only Mark?”, the brunette raised her voice, “What about Sooyeong? Or Nayeon? Or maybe even Jae? Or Yugyeom? Or-“

”Or who? I didn’t kill them!” He shouted, he was getting angrier by the minute, mimicking the eldest girl.

”But you killed Mark, huh?”

”Y-yes.” He answered back, but they both knew that the uncertainty in his voice was clear.

“You didn’t, both you and I know-”

”Stop acting like you know what you’re talking about, Joohyun- !”

”Stop lying! You’re too young, Ji-“

”I’m too young? You’re talking as if I didn’t kill Mar-“

”I know he threatened you, Ji-“

”He who?”

”Namjoon!”

”N-Namjoon had nothing to do with tha-“

”I know you didn’t kill him, Jisung, it was Hoseok wasn’t it?”

———☽

The younger boy looked in horror at the older girl.

”N-no, I s-swear it was m-me!” Jisung stuttered.

”No, I know it wasn’t you. Seulgi’s dad, he told me about how the prime suspect for the Mark Lee case suspect were Jung Hoseok and a man named Son Saeyoung; they closed the case with it being Saeyoung fault, both the murder and death, but it wasn’t like that, right? Hoseok murdered Mark and then someone sold the body parts to Saeyoung, incriminating him. They paid you to tell me this right?”

Silence, only a confirmation to Joohyun. Poor Jisung, he probably only found out by accident and now he was probably going to jail for something he didn’t do.

”It’s okay, tell them I believed you; that I’ll tell Seulgi’s dad, ‘kay? Don’t go to the police just yet though,” Irene stayed silent for a while, “would you follow me? It’s something I need you to do before you go.”

Only nodding in agreement the younger boy walked behind his friend, thankful for her brain, thankful of her for being able to pick up what was wrong.

”Thank you, Joohyun”

”No problem, if we die we die together, ‘kay?”

———☽

Biting her nails anxiously was a wrecked Wendy, she needed to call [Name], fast.

”F-fuck, Joohyun, why did you do this....”

The older girl just cracked a broken smile, her cheek cracked awkwardly as more blood came out from the cut that was plastered on it.

”Ji-Jisung, I-I couldn’t blame him, Mark-k wouldn’t have wanted that...”

She was greeted with silence from her younger friend as she tried calling [Name], again.

”Gosh, [Na-! God, finally! [Name], call Seulgi and her dad, now! Irene is hurt, I need you to come to the rooftop as fast as possible! W-what? What do you mean you’re actually going to have lunch with them? Leave the fucking plan!”, she screamed angrily at the phone, “Irene is dying, and you’re worried about that?”, silence, “You’re gonna call Seulgi, now.”

Wendy cut the phone call before [Name] could protest further, she didn’t want to hear her.

”She’ll call the ambulance and Seulgi’s dad, don’t worry too much, you’ll be fine.”

”G-good, I need to te-tell [Name] something.” Irene muttered.

“I-I just can’t believe Jisung did that, he could’ve killed you...”, Wendy felt tears form at the corner of her eyes, “Joohyun, you could’ve died, we really don’t know what we got ourselves into....”

The older girl pushed herself from the floor, immediately worrying her friend but she was quick to brush her off.

”T-the thing is, Seungwan, [Name], she won’t make it, no matter how hard we try and shake them off; they’ll always find her somehow....”

———☽

”Seulgi! It’s Joohyun she-she’s gotten beaten up, she’s with Wendy now but please come, with your dad and an ambulances too! God, f-fast! Please! It-It was Jisung, it seems like it, but I-I don’t know, okay? I wasn’t there, I’m sorry, please focus on the task at hand.” And with that the girl hung up the phone and rested her head against the bathroom door.

”I should get going now.” She pushed herself and readied herself for the dreaded lunch.

I don’t want to do this.

She thought to herself bitterly, she sighed and pressed a cold hand to her forehead.

“Have I gotten a fever? My cheeks are red...” She felt her cheeks too. They were blazing. She was worried sick about her friends, what was going on?

Silence. The only sound was that of a girl exiting the bathroom.

She walked through the empty halls, her light footsteps barely echoing through the hallway.

She looked through the window, she saw the younger kids during their PE class, she saw a few girls during their free period walking through the quad.

She suddenly stopped dead in her tracks as she heard the words. She didn’t know what had happened before but she blindly spoke in response.

“Haha, I’m happy we got rid of Mark Lee that summer.”

“Jeongguk? Y-You killed Mark Lee?”

The boy in question and his companion stopped and turned around. Their faces paled, their eyes widened and their mouths turned agape.

”[Name]?”

———☽

“They don’t want to kill her, they want to keep her....”

———☽

“Jeongguk, what do you mean?” I asked as I backed away slightly.

He said nothing, he stared directly at me as his friend looked at me wide eyed.

I couldn’t place my finger on how, but I felt like I knew the boy beside Jeongguk; the boy who laughed at the mention of Mark’s death.

”Kim Taehyung?” I whisper softly to myself, I ruffled my hair slightly and let my hand fall on chest. No...

”Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jeongguk, you both killed Lee Mark?” I ask, as I looked at them both in the eye.

Mistake number 1.

Taehyung’s eyes widened further, if possible, as he began to shake and fiddled with his finger. His mouth parted open, and even from where I stood I could hear his jagged breathing.

“Y-you know m-my name?” He asked as a bright blush took over his cheeks, “You know my name, haha, you know me!”

He looked over at Jeongguk, giggling as he grabbed the younger boy by his shoulders,

“She knows me! M-my baby knows me, Jeongguk, oh my-!”

”Taehyung...” Jeongguk grabbed his friend trying to stop him, but he shook him off as he began chanting repeatedly the words “She knows me!”

”Taehyung, she heard us!” Jeongguk whispered harshly, tugging at the oldest sleeve.

”She knows...”

At those words, the blushing male seemed to have been hit with the truth. His smile shut down, and his body took a more menacing, yet lazy, stance.

”My baby knows me, she know us and what we do, because she isn’t stupid, right baby?” He asked me as he began walking towards me, slow steps echoing through the hallways.

”What?” I ask him as I began walking back with every step he took at my direction.

”Taehyung, could that be why she agreed to eat lunch with us?” Jeongguk asked as a dull look came over his eyes, his posture mimicked Tae’s.

”Probably, but don’t worry Kookie! She will spend the rest of the week eating lunch with us, won’t she?” He asked as he backed me against a door.

When did he arrive here?

“N-no! Stop, I’ll tell the police!” I tried pushing him off, but Jeongguk came and took one side of me as Taehyung took the other. I was trapped.

Mistake number 2.

”But, Darling, you wouldn’t want Taehyungie to tell Namjoon would you? That you were toying with us?”

”Are we toys to you?”, Taehyung asked against the crook of my neck, “Do you want to use us? Are we nothing more?”

Excitement took over his voice as he spoke, he began kissing my neck.

”Stop it now! Seulgi’s dad is coming over any second now!”

”Are we toys to you? I don’t mind being your toy, do you Jeonggukie?” Taehyung repeated and asked Jeongguk, ignoring my previous threat.

”No, if it means she’ll only pay attention to me!” He giggled and kissed my cheek.

”Me neither, but just for today; I want to play with her instead, so let’s go!”

He gave me one last kiss, and looked me in the eye, a look that made me shiver; suddenly running away wasn’t an option that didn’t include anyone not getting hurt. I didn’t know what to do, they just confessed to murder damn it! Why can’t I be smarter like Yeri, or athletic like Lisa or cunning like Irene? Why did I have to be me?

”But first, we gotta establish some rules!”, Taehyung continued after he took my bag from my shoulder rather harshly, I grunted in pain as the material brushed aggressively against my neck.

”Number one, you tell no one about what you just heard! That means no Irene, no Seulgi or her dad, no Wendy, or Lisa, or Jennie; we don’t want another Joy, do we?

Second, you’ll only look at us and talk to us, your family’s okay, but only direct family; boys and girls alike will be taken care of accordingly.

Third, you’re doing this out of your free will, if anybody asks; even the other guys!

You have to say yes to us! M’kay? So if I were to ask if you love us you gotta say yes, ha!

Hmm, that’s all I can think about now, we’ll add more as we go, now let’s go skip class! Let’s go to that ice cream place, maybe the others will be there, or maybe just Yoongi!” Taehyung giggled once more and led the way for me and Jeongguk as they both took my hands. We don’t want another Joy? Huh?

I don’t know what’s worse; what they’re doing or that I can’t find the strength to fight.

——☽

By the time we reached the ice cream shop, I had received a text message from Wendy thanking me about calling Seulgi and her dad, she also asked me where I was.

It was the first time I lied to her, it wasn’t a complete lie though, right?

Mistake number 3.

I had to hide to be able to text her as I was being watched at all times by Jeongguk and Taehyung; I felt weak. Why did this happen to me?

”So, [Name]? I went and ordered your favorite ice cream, we also took the liberty to call Yoongi and Jimin so they’re gonna arrive at around 1:40? So while we wait, do you have any questions?” Taehyung asked.

I looked around me, trying to find a possible exit but Jeongguk who sat over at my right, was clutching my hand tightly and Taehyung was blocking the pathway towards the door.

He looked at me curiously, as did Jeongguk, the later being way more quiet but more touchy. He now had a hand on my cheek as he caressed it softly while Taehyung played with my hand.

“Yes, I-I have been receiving letters by a group called Bts; Jin, RM, Hope, Chimmy, V, Suga and Cooky, are they you by any chance?” I did my best to not stutter, to sound confident, to be like Irene.

He stopped playing with my fingers, as he took my hand to his lips and began kissing it.

“My baby is so smart! Yes, I was V while Jeonggukie was Cooky, pretty names right?” He accentuated each word with a kiss.

Suddenly, similar to falling into cold water, I remembered something Lisa told me a few months ago that made me shiver.

“Did any of you ever call a friend of mine?” I asked nervously.

“What? No, why?” Jeongguk asked me, he had stopped playing with my hair, something he did when nervous.

”S-so you don’t know anybody called Seungkwan?”

”Baby?” Taehyung asked growling, he took both of my hands and pressed them against each other and pressed them against his cheeks; pulling me slightly over the table.

“Ah-it’s just a boy that had called a friend of mine as-asking for me, and I thought that maybe that was one of you...” I stuttered, trying to take my hands away.

”That wasn’t us....” Taehyung growled lower, he let go of one hand and continued playing with the other.

“Did he call your friend on her cell phone?” Jeongguk asked as he resumed playing with my hair.

“Yeah... I think she still has the phone on her record....”

”Tell her to give us her phone please, Bunny!” Jeongguk pouted.

“Yeah! But it’s fine though, he won’t bother you, not while we’re with you!” Taehyung smiled at me, but in his eyes I couldn’t ignore the clear look of anger in them.

Just then as Tae finished his threat, the door to the shop opened rather obnoxiously and in came two overly contrasting boys.

Min Yoongi and Park Jimin.

Park Jimin; the schools sweetheart, wearing his ever iconic oversized sweater and charming smile, his school uniform perfectly clean, and stunning hair, which was dyed a pretty dirty blonde, and skin well kept.

Min Yoongi; the schools bad boy, wearing his iconic, and rather cliche, black leather jacket and bored face and look, his uniform messy and dark hair fell over his eyes as he looked around almost as if intimidating everyone who looked his way was his goal.

They seemed to be having a friendly conversation, with Jimin doing most of the talking, when suddenly Yoongi looked over and made eye contact with me, fuck. His eyes widen as he lightly hits Jimin causing the younger boy to look over and a bigger smile to break through.

Just as the two boys made their way over to the table, the waitress came with our orders. Her forearm balancing all of the ice cream’s was suddenly knocked over by Jimin’s overly excited steps and were sent flying onto my school blouse.

Yelping from the coldness seeping into the thin fabric I stand up, harshly setting aside Jeongguk, and try dabbing the icy liquid out of my shirt to no use. I was scared and cold as fuck.

”Oh- [Name]!”, Jimin exclaimed pushing the poor waitress and knocking her over, making her fall to her butt. God no, what is wrong with these people?!

”I-I-“ She tried speaking but was soon cut off by Yoongi.

”What’s your name?” His eyes seemed to widen with anger and his pupils dilated and widened threateningly. He looked like a street cat, I couldn’t help but feel sorry and scared for the young woman.

”Gretel Zacharias...”

Yoongi then looked over at me and my shirt and crouched down next to the woman, whispering something into her ear that caused her to look at him in horror and scramble to her feet quickly and storm off, screaming apologies with tears streaming down her face.

”Sweetheart, please use my sweater!” Jimin began taking off his sweater and handed it to me, blushing furiously. Sweetheart?

He handed me the dark red fabric and smiled sweetly down at me.

Nodding silently, I began to make my way to the bathroom when suddenly Yoongi asked.

”Where are you going, my mus- [Name]?”

Blushing, I boldly walk up to him and tiptoe to the significantly taller male, trying to find the words to make him blush, I’d try a Jennie approach.

”The ice cream got into certain places, it kinda fell into the space between my chest, and I think it’s kinda deep in there too and I don’t want to get a cold...”

Turning away I march into the bathroom stall to take out my shirt and bra. What was I thinking?!

Thank god I hadn’t taken out my other bra from PE the day before...

Why had I done that?

Unfortunately, I didn't think I’d need more shirts and so I had to put on the sweater.

Wetting a bit of paper towel to clean off my chest and hair, and spray some perfume.

“Hopefully Jimin won’t mind the smell...” I snort a bit as I imagine how uncomfortable Jimin would get thanks to my perfume. Hopefully he won’t mind me not using a shirt. Thinking of facing Yoongi again after what I had done made me cringe.

——☽

By the time I got out of the bathroom stall, I got gently grabbed by the arm by Min Yoongi as he gently led me to the table.

”You’re only wearing a bra?” He tried to ask quietly as we sat down.

Blushing at how loudly he said that I look over at him at a loss for words.

”Sweetheart is using my sweater without a shirt?” Jimin squeaked, while Jeongguk muttered  something that sounded like the words; “Lucky bastard”.

”Don’t worry, [Name], no one is allowed to look at you dirtily, only us!” Taehyung giggled as he took my hand and resumed playing with it.

Suddenly Jeongguk grabbed a strand of hair and began braiding it as he had done earlier, when I felt Jimin take my other hand and play with it too; giving it kisses while Yoongi leaned against me and began leaving kisses wherever he could find bare skin.

I couldn’t stop them.

Mistake number 4.

———☽

”Wendy, they want to make her their doll.”

_______________

“I can’t find her!” Seulgi looked over at her dad distraughtly, where was [Name]? She wasn’t in danger, right?

“Bear, are you sure it was her who called you?”

”Yes? I mean, it says on my phone it was her and Irene and Wendy told us about her.... maybe someone kidnapped her!”

”Why would you think someone kiddna-”

”Where’s Irene?” Seulgi looked over at her dad, the poor man didn’t understand his daughters fast words and seemingly nonsensical actions.

“In the ambulance getting treated, she’s fine but will be take-”

He never finished the sentence as his daughter ran out of the room and out into the parking lot screaming for her friends.

Running until her lungs felt like they would collapse Seulgi pushed past the paramedics until she saw her two friends talking in whispers to one another.

”Wendy!” The black haired girl shouted as she made her way to the girl.

”Seulgi! What happe-“

”Do you know with who [Name] was with?” Seulgi said breathless, her heart was beating in her ears, she felt all of her senses alert. Suddenly she was in survival mode.

”The boys, she-“ Wendy tried to explain, but Seulgi’s nervousness began affecting her too.

”No, she wasn’t with them, she wasn’t the bathroom, right Wendy?” Irene cut off the younger girl.

”What- no! She-“

”She wasn’t with them, I saw them whilst Jisung asked me to follow him.”

”Ah, really? But she told me-“ Wendy tried to debate with the eldest but was cut off again as Seulgi began speaking.

”I think- I think we should talk to [Name], or at least me, I’m the one who knows the most and they’d kinda figure out if all of us suddenly-“

”Irene! The doctors couldn’t find any broken bones, just a lot of internal and external bleeding but it has stopped, you were lucky this time as it was quite a superficial case so you’ll be able to go home just fine! I’ll take you-“

The female in question, much to everyone’s amazement, stood up by herself; not resembling the girl who had just been lying there before.

“Go look for her outside, she might be with an angel and ice.” Irene spoke, she didn’t look back as she began running away ignoring the younger girls calls and making her way to the ice cream shop.

Just like they’d planned.

———☽

”Seulgi, I-I think I know where [Name] is but we shouldn’t go there now, let’s send your dad.”

”Why?”

”I think Irene....”

The older girls eyes widen as she stared at her friend.

“N-no.... but that’d mean that Joy-“

”Shh!” She was hushed by her friend.

”We need to tell [Name] and the other girls! I’ll call the others you go tell your dad [Name]’s at ‘Angela’s Cream’! Go with your dad, we’ll meet over at your house!”

”Ok!” Seulgi began running next to Wendy when suddenly they were stopped by the scream of a teacher.

”Oh my god! There’s a dead boy in the basket ball court- it’s Park Jisung!”

They both froze in place, looking each other in the eye; an albeit silent, but mutual agreement of what was happening and what must be done was shared and they both parted ways.

Another life could be taken any minute now, they couldn’t risk it because the next victim could be [Name] or maybe even themselves.

____________ღ

As the four boys talked around me, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of questioning if I had done the right thing. If my assumptions were correct the girls would show up any minute now, or at least Seulgi’s dad.

Please, Wendy, you’re smart!

I prayed silently, looking out the window I noticed how the former quiet road was now taken into blue and red; a police car. I was about to cry out of joy.

The black car pulled over at the street and out came the familiar looking officer; Police Chief Officer Kang. Also known as Seulgi’s dad.

He marched into the ice cream shop until he made eye contact with me. Relaxing my previously tense stance I gently nudge Jeongguk and point over to where Mr Kang was standing as he spoke with the shop owner.

”What...” He whispered shocked as he took my hand forcibly.

”Taehyung, the police...” Jimin trailed off, he began sweating anxiously as the officer made his way towards our seats.

”Hello, are you students from-“

”Yes we are, we are out here with permission sir.” Yoongi cut off rather rudely.

”Well, good for you! Now, I need to know if Miss [Last Name] is he-! There you are, you’re needed in the police station now, please come with me.” He answered back rudely back, he never did enjoy taken bullshit from other people, I felt tears pool in my eyes in relief.

”What- why?” I asked faking shock.

”For the murder of your friend Sooyeong and the recent murder of a boy named Park Jisung”, he answered, “We were told you were close to both of them and you might be the clue to finding the murder of these two.”

”J-Jisung?”

“Yes please, follow me now” He took my hand from Jeongguk and pulled me out of the cage he and Yoongi had made and led me to the exit.

The words of protest were blocked from my ears as they seemed to be filled with blood, the thick liquid blocking all sound except the words forming in my head.

It’s your fault he’s dead.

The words kept repeating themselves as I boarded the car and I sat next to my friend Seulgi.

I stared at her through as tears kept falling and the imaginary blood in my ears kept rushing.

She said nothing as she too cried and held me in her arms tightly. Probably afraid of what was going on.

If only I knew it was because of the sick betrayal of our close friend.

”[Name] , I’ll be taking you to my house, Seulgi told me that the other girls were going to be there by the time we arrive; so please don’t worry...” Officer Kang spoke softly to us as he drove the black police car to his home.

——☽

As we drove through the town, I couldn’t shake the bitter feeling of regret of ever coming back here.

The pretty colors of the sunset that painted the windows and our sling in the car only added to the bitter feeling of helplessness and nostalgia that ate me away.

Seulgi, who was exhausted, had fallen asleep beside me and was now resting herself in my shoulder as I stared out the window.

Watching the commercial buildings turn into the neighborhoods, and the businessmen and women turn into gangs of kids playing games out with their families and pets, I couldn’t stop the hopeless wish that settled in of wanting to stop it all.

As we pulled into the driveway of Seulgi’s family home, I nudged her slightly for her to wake up.

“You need to explain everything, please.”

———☽

The dyed red-head made her way to the ice cream shop, only to find the people she had wished to find gone, sighing she fixed herself through the reflection of herself in the mirror; she didn’t look that bad for what she was about to do and had done.

She didn’t even feel guilty, she tricked her friends and? That didn’t mean she regretted her actions it was her survival over theirs. It was a selfish world they lived in.

”Irene! You’re here?” The red-headed laughed bitterly.

”Please, stop it... I can’t keep it up like this! They’re gonna end up dead!” Irene cried, tears falling.

“Tell me Irene, does it look like I care? I’m dead for all they know, and a dead girl can’t cause chaos.” Sooyoung asked.

”No, Joy, you aren’t dead but I sure wish you were....”

_____________ღ

“What?” Chaeyoung exclaimed, no one was ready for what Wendy and Seulgi had just said.

”Joy is alive?” Jennie asked confused as she leaned against the wall.

“Yeah, she’s probably working with the guys after [Name] too...” Wendy finished, she sighed.

”We should tell Seulgi’s dad...” Chaeyoung suggested, despite her shock she still was more useful than I could ever be.

”Yeah, then that’d rid Sooyeong and Irene, and with our witnesses they’ll at least put Sooyeong in jail” Seulgi agreed, I knew by the way she spoke that the idea pained her, it pained all of us. Irene and Joy, who would have thought?

”But then that leaves the boys....” Lisa brought up a very big point, the main point.

”I’ll deal with them”, I speak up suddenly, “It’s my fault, not yours, I-I know what I have to do just give me some time and things will go back to normal.”

”No”, Jennie sighed, “You won’t, that’s just fucking stu-“

”Let her”, Jisoo spoke up, “She’s- [Name], [Name] are you sure about this?”

Nodding I look at her as determinedly as I could, I could fix this.

“You won’t changer your mind will you?” Yeri laughed bitterly, I wouldn’t betray them.

I nodded again.

”It’s for the best” I said quietly, even if I was unsure I had put people in danger, I have been useless and I have only been an inconvenience, I wanted to do something, I needed to do something.

”But these boys, that we don’t even know, can do anything! What if you end up hurt? The what if’s are endless!” Jennie argued, she was blushing with anger, “We can’t just send you like that?”

“Jennie”, Jisoo hugged her tightly, “It’s our [Name], she won’t go down without a fight. I trust her and should you, all of us.”

”I can’t believe we’re agreeing to this...” Wendy said exasperated, tears bubbling under her eyes, I felt tears bubble in mine too as I looked at my friends.

“What are you going to do?” Yeri asked again, “Maybe we can come up with a middle ground.”

”I’ll give them what they want” I stated without budging.

”What?” Wendy shouted, jumping from the bed and slamming her hands on the bedside table.

”What’s so bad about that?” Chaeyoung asked, suddenly her eyes widened.

”She’s gonna give herself! That’s what she’s gonna give!”, Wendy raised her voice.

”What?” Jisoo exclaimed, eyes widening.

”You can’t do that!” Turning around, Lisa began hyperventilating.

”You-“

The girls began acting up, begging me to change my mind, but I wouldn’t. All of this was happening because of me, and if I could stop it then I fucking would.

”You’re gonna do wha-?”

“You stupid bi- you’re gonna give yourself like that?”

”Gosh, you-you’re really stupid aren’t you? How are you even going to do that?”

“By walking out the door, duh?”

———☽

They locked me in the bathroom.

I was locked in the bathroom, sitting in the bathtub and silently singing nursery rhymes as I waited until they finished telling Mr Kang the truth.

I was indeed very stupid.

Silently running the plan through my head, I lean against my knees and pray that their intentions aren’t bad. That if I do end up going with them that I won’t end up dead in a ditch. But it was indeed better than having my friends dead.

Leaning against the bathtub, I close my eyes and let myself sleep for a while. Numbing myself to the surrounding world. I hadn’t been able to really have a peaceful time since coming back to this damned town.

As I stay there, nightmares and never ending thoughts began plaguing my mind.

What if I jump out of the window, make my way to Kook’s house and let him kidnap me. No one will miss me anyway, plus I’m the reason why all of this is happening. The reason Sooyeong faked her death, killed her sister and mother and betrayed us. I’m the reason Mark’s dead, Nayeon, the rest. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t deserve to be alive now.

Tears began slipping out of my eyes, as the thoughts began multiplying and breathing became hard. Shaking harshly from the mere memory of the news articles declaring my friends deaths; knowing that somehow I had caused them.

I lost track of time. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying as blame and guilt began consuming me.

All my senses began failing me.

I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t touch and I couldn’t speak.

A feeling of numbness began biting at my ribs, leaving trails of pain as it made its way up my head until I was left with a pounding headache. My cheeks felt cold as the tears ran across them, broken sobs that overtook the sound of footsteps and bodies falling.

I couldn’t think, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t understand and I couldn’t feel.

”Please, anyone, save me”

The door burst open, and I let out a scream.

———☽

[3rd Point of View]

The blood from the bunch of young women laid over the house as Sooyeong stood panting.

“I-I did it....” She whispered softly.

Laying down, she waited for her captors to come over and finish the job. Laughing lightly she looked over to her presumably dead, older friend, Irene.

”Onnie, we’ll meet in hell, haha, just like Jennie said!” She laughed full of delusions.

As she rested on her back, she tilted her head to see all her friends, gone.

“If only...”, she whispered, “If only I was allowed to kill her too, then we’d be together forever...”

Smiling, she let bitter tears run down her cheek.

“I can’t believe I’m fucking dying full of regrets, haha, fantastic!” She turned around in the bloodied floor, she noticed her sides were all red and sticky.

”Ugh, didn’t Officer Kang keep cigars?” She muttered, as she pulled herself upwards.

Stumbling into her dead friend’s father office, she made her way to the ‘empty’ liquor cabinet, the one Seulgi so many times defended and said was filled with juice and snacks. There sat stacks of Marlboro and heavy liquor. Opening a random packet she took a cigarette and slowly lit it, placing it between her lips. Taking a heavy breath she let out a dull huff.

Laying against the table, she counted the minutes until her death.

Still with her cigarette, she made her way to the bathroom, sitting against the door she knocked softly.

”Guys?”, she heard her friends voice, ex-friend, she reminded herself bitterly, I sold them away.

With a clear idea of who was in the bathroom, Joy began to speak.

”You know, I always told myself that if any of my family members or friends were to get in a life or death I would put myself after them and take the bullet. But, ha, now that it really happened, I killed my fucking parents and sister, sold you lot to them and signed my own fucking death note and now, they’re gonna take you away! Priceless!”, she laughed, “Fucking priceless, I promised myself that I wouldn’t die full of sin or regret but look at me now, keeping you busy while they kill your family! They’ll come by any minute and kill me, bet you they’ll do it quick. That way they’ll take you away faster, you’ll live like a princess [Name], ahhh, how much I wished I was you right now. Seven hot dudes killing for me, I’d die for that...”

A muffled voice could be heard, and loud banging against the door.

“Joy?”

She ignored her.

“Tell me, [Name], should I let myself be killed or should I kill myself?”

”Where are the others? Joy!”

”Oh, the girls?”, Sooyeong asked as she took another swing, “They’re dead. I killed them, anyway, what should I do?”

The girl inside the bathroom finally was able to hear it all, all at once it hit her, her senses overwhelmed her, and so she cried, punched and kicked, she let the inner turmoil inside of her manifest itself into the surface.

”Let me out you psycho!” Never once did [name] question if that was Joy.

”Sweetie”, Joy laughed, “I’m not half as bad as them!”

”Who? Who dammit?” The younger girl cried in frustration.

”BTS”, Sooyeong accentuated every letter, “Your secret lovers!”

”Wha-“

A loud bang into the door and several footsteps were heard from the floor below the two females.

“They’re here, fuck them, I’ll do it myself” Sooyeong muttered to herself.

Standing up, she opened the lock to the bathroom door, however she didn’t open the door; yet.

Heart racing, she took the gun that was situated next to Jennie’s body, they were getting close. She could tell due to the increasing volume of the chatter, the sound of footsteps and the smell of rotten seven little pigs who will all burn in hell.

Hastily she made her way to the bathroom and opened the door to revel a petrified [Name], tears streaming down her face as she looked at her demented friend.

They were now outside the door.

“Bye bye, bitch. Remember that I love you and I will save you”

Joy leaned the gun against her chest and shot her herself.

Blood spilled everywhere as her falling body made way to the most agonizing and traumatic sight.

Seulgi’s room was littered with her friends dead bodies, including Seulgi’s parents. The walls showed claw marks, blood splattered against the walls and organs spilled on the floor.

Gagging, [Name] cried louder than before, sobs echoing on the almost empty house.

A rush of footsteps and angry mutters made their way outside the bathroom door before five male figures appeared on the doorway.

“[Name]!”

____________ღ

With wide eyes I look up and find Jeongguk and his ‘gang’, people I know now to refer to as Bts.

After hearing what Joy had said before shooting herself, I couldn’t help the fear that ran through my veins as I saw five of the seven males, where were the other two? What had happened?

”Get away from me!” I shouted at them and pressed myself into the wall, Jimins’ sweater and my skirt were now soaking wet from the leftover water, my socks were drenched, but I didn’t care, I needed distance right now.

“What?” Jeongguk asked flabbergasted, he stepped forward but I let out a scream to show I was not having it.

”I said what I said! Get away from me, you freaks!” I screamed, now with anger replacing the fear. These men ruined my life in just a few days, in just a few hours they took almost everything I had away from me, I only had my family left now and even then I wasn’t sure about that.

”I- we’re here to rescue you!”, Taehyung said as he approached me slowly, he pushed Jeongguk slightly to the side as he opened his arms.

”No! Joy told me everything, she said that you made her kill the girls and that this bullshit, yeah this fucking bullshit, that it’s all your fault!” I screamed at them, I motioned to the room as tears hot ran down my face.

”She did what?” Namjoon asked as he pushed Taehyung and Jeongguk away and walked over to me.

Peering over the bathtub, he gently took my hand.

”Baby, how do you know she wasn’t lying? Huh, she faked her death, killed her friends and family, how do you know she wasn’t lying to you again?” He whispered softly, he took my hand and rubbed circles against my palm.

”Because I know her-” I tried arguing with him but my mind was shutting itself off.

”Mhm?” He asked softly as he helped me stand up and exit the tub, I began shivering as I looked over to see the body of my friends, the people who had only tried to help me, looking so damn dead.

”She said you killed my family and that you were going to come over and take me away, I trust her more than I’d ever trust you.” I trailed off, my feet wobbled as my legs gave out due to the sight in front of me, I was about to puke.

”Really now?” He questioned as he took my legs and carried me bridal style, he took me and the four other boys away from the bathroom, he looked down at said girls body and silently motioned Yoongi, “Do you think we killed your family? That Kookie did?”

At the mention of his name, Jeongguk came over and kissed my cheek as Namjoon held onto my now shaking body.

“No, Kookie wouldn’t... right?” I questioned myself softly as I began questioning myself.

”No, bunny!” He lied, he was lying! Joy would never lie.

”See?”, Namjoon asked, “he wouldn’t lie to you, we wouldn’t lie to you, on the other hand your friends over there did. Irene knew about Joy, she even helped her. So how do you know the others weren’t in on it?”

”How do you kn-“

”Irene came to me about it, after she got injured, she told me she knew all about Joy and her plan, that’s why we went over to your house to be sure you were okay, thank god you weren’t there because a fire started all over the neighborhood, seven or so houses caught on fire,” Namjoon continued on speaking.

”Sweetheart, I’m sorry but we weren’t able to get your family out on time at all.” Jimin added on as he opened the front door.

”What-?” My family… was gone?

Why did it make sense?

”Mhm, we think it was Joy who did it too, I mean she already killed at least twelve people, what are three more?” Namjoon continued on talking, I shook at what he said.

“Hey, Namjoon help me ove-“ I heard a voice speak, but I couldn’t pinpoint whose voice it was, being too concerned about what Namjoon was talking about, he did sound familiar though.

“Jin, say hi to [Name] over here, she’s currently very scared,  but we’ll fix that, won’t we?” Jimin told the owner of the unknown voice, he sounded happy.

“Aww, is she? Are you sad? Don’t worry, we’ll be taking you to a beautiful vacation in a few hours so don’t worry, you’ll be safe soon.” Jin awed, he pinched my cheek it hurt but I couldn’t bring myself to show any sort of reaction .

Too tired to question what was really happening, I let them take me to the black van parked outside of Seulgi’s family home. I didn’t have it in me to fight, I wasn’t like my friends; I was alive and they were dead now, there was no use comparing us. As we walked, I couldn’t help but notice the strong smell that began floating in the air, were they pouring gas all over the house?

Why wasn’t I fighting? Was I that weak?

As Jeongguk opened the door to the van, I couldn’t help but notice how a few of my bags from back home littered the van.

”Why do you have my bags?” I asked with a monotone, soft voice I could barely talk.

”Ah, that was me, your parents had been noticing how you had been feeling off, so I had taken out your bags to go over to my house earlier that day,” Jeongguk explained, he talked too fast though, maybe he was lying but I couldn’t find it in me to care..

“Ah, okay.” I truly didn’t understand the logic behind that explanation but I was too tired to try to question them further, I was too numb.

Letting them pile inside the car, I lean against Jeongguk and slowly let myself succumb to sleep.

“Ah, Jin we didn’t need ropes or drug, I told you so.” Namjoon whispered.

”Hey, Namjoon, where are we going at the end?” Taehyung asked as he caressed my face.

”Far away, Tae, really far away”, Namjoon responded mindlessly, “So far away that people will forget we even existed here...”

————☽

Waking up by suddenly being picked up by someone, I peel my eyes open.

“What the-” I was about to complain when I began panicking.

”Oh! You’re awake?” I heard a voice I didn’t recognize ask, who was he?!

Looking up, I see a rather attractive male with noticeable folded ears smile down at me.

“Who are you?”, I whisper-shout at the unknown male, “And where the- where are you taking me! Put me down, sir! This is borderline kidnapping, that’s what this is! Let me down or I am calling the police, I am going to shout, I swear it! My best friend’s father is a police officer damn you!”

All the unknown boy do was smile down at me and hugged me tighter to his chest.

“Stop it this instant! Do not cuddle me! Who do you think you are?” I continue to toss and shriek.

“Haha, cute.” Was his only answer, this fucking bastard!

“I am not cute-“ Stopping suddenly as I feel the man going up stairs, I panic, “Where are we going?”, I ask less loudly, I then realized I had let the boy take me to who knows where, “You haven’t answered me yet.”

”Oh, we’re boarding a plane.” He smiled and continued walking forward.

”What the- No we are not! You are boarding a plane, and you are forcing me to board it with you! Who- I am so telling on you to the police!” I shout at him.

Suddenly arriving at the top of the airplane stairs, the man carrying me puts me down and opened the entrance to the plane.

Pushing me slightly inside, I meet with the gaze with five familiar males. Memories of earlier this day rushed into my brain.

“Y-you!”, I look at Namjoon, “You sweet talking mother fucker! Let me go, now!”

As if he’d gotten hit, he flinched and looked at me hurt.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t do any-“

”My ass! Go suck my spiritual dick you little fucker! You fucking drove Sooyeong insane, you killed my family with a fucking house fire you little dick!“

”We did not kill your family it was a house fire-“ Namjoon tried to explain to me as he stood up.

”God you must really like my ass, it’s impossible! We had the wires in the whole mother fucking neighborhood checked less than two weeks ago, so unless someone like you fucking tampered with the wire there is no reason for that fire! Do you really think I wouldn’t know my best friend? Sooyeong couldn’t even get the goddamn wifi working without five fucking youtube videos and her dad!”

”You do have a good ass.” I heard Yoongi remark, I flipped him off as I continue screaming at Namjoon.

“And we didn’t do it why would you think-“

”Because everytime you kill you make a fire to burn all the evidence, you dumbass! At least get creative and do something new! Don’t serial killers enjoy being different and unique and quirky or some shit?”

”How do you know?” Jimin asked slightly alarmed, the tension went from me being a little bitch to them all being in high alert.

“Do you think I’m that dumb to not notice how every boy and girl I’ve ever gotten close with dies? Look, I didn’t go around announcing it like-like it was something I was proud of it, but does that mean I wasn’t slightly suspicious? Like, dude, any boy I went three meters next to dropped dead, man. Like, that shit ain’t normal.” I asked dumbfounded, sure I wasn’t smart like Yeri or Seulgi but I wasn’t dumb either.

”Shit, if you realized than-“

”Ha, but don’t worry because you murdered the head officer in your case! He was going to announce it in a meeting in a few days or whatever but oh so lucky you! He’s fucking dead and in ashes because you idiots couldn’t think of anything better!” Maybe I’m being unreasonable, I’m fucking fighting with the murderers of my friends and family but I’m not afraid not anymore at least.

”You don’t understand! We did because-“ Jimin began trying to explain.

”We love you!”, Taehyung finished, “We love you so much-“

”Well, I hate you!”, I shouted at him, “You lot ruined so many lives, including mine! How the bloody hell am I meant to return feelings for su-“

”Wowowow, sweetie hate is a strong word, maybe you could say slightly displeased.” Namjoon remarked calmly as he walked over to Jeongguk and Jimin who were now in border line tears.

“Well, I have a strong hatred towards you!”

”Hmm? What’s with all the noise-! Hey, princess, you’re awake! Good, come on, sit over here.” A handsome male came over to me, taking my hand and leading me to a plush chair.

”Awww, you’re crying? Come here”, he took my head into his chest, “Don’t worry, I’m here, shhh, what did these awful, dirty, stupid, morons do? Come on tell Jinnie.”

I hadn’t realized I had been crying until he had remarked it, man, I really did cry a lot.

”T-they hurt me and my-“, I choked out.

”They what?” He spat as he slowly and gently sat me in his lap, re-taking my head into his chest not allowing me to look.

”N-no, they- they, I’m scared,” I cried into his shirt, “Please help, Jinnie”

I had no idea what his name was, was this that Jin dude, I could only blindly guide myself from what he had called himself.

”Y-you’re scared of what?” I heard him ask flustered, flustered by what? I had no idea who this man was or his name and he really isn’t leaving me with the best impression.

Pushing my head off his shirt I met his familiar looking eyes.

“T-them....”

”Awww, princess, don’t worry! They won’t hurt you, they’re with me. We’re trying to protect you, baby.” He smiled.

“F-from what? You’re the ones hurting people. I asked, all the changes in my mood began making me tired. I couldn’t think properly anymore.

”Shhh, babe, have we hurt you?”

”N-no?”

”Then, are we really the bad people?”

”I-I don’t know? Yes?” I answered as my voice broke in confusion, they were bad people. Why couldn’t I say so? Why were they so kind? Weren’t they the ones that were trying to hurt me? They killed everyone, right? But then, they seem kind so how would they do it? Maybe, it wasn’t them?

”Namjoonie, come here, tell our princess here that we aren’t trying to hurt her.” Jinnie motioned Namjoonie to come. No, Namjoon, he doesn’t deserve an affectionate nickname.

”Hey, babe, look up at me. We won’t hurt you, we’re saving you from the bad people like Sooyeong. You know, the girl who killed your friends and her family?” Namjoonie said.

No he isn’t Namjoonie.

”Why would I lie to you, hmm? Jinnie, Kookie, Jiminie, Yoongs, Taehyungie, Hoseokie and me wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Y-you wouldn’t?” I asked, suddenly everything was getting number and number.

The air smelled sweeter, my vision was hazy, I couldn’t think properly. I felt giggly. Suddenly, Jinnie seemed like the comfiest surface in the world so I threw myself into his chest, giggling.

”Ahh, p-princess, you’re making me blush!”, Jinnie laughed.

“I’ll tell the pilots to start since someone is too busy.” I heard Kookie say.

Hearing him stand up and leave the room, I lean against Jinnie further.

————☽

By the time I as suddenly woken up, I still felt slightly giggly from whatever had happened earlier. A sudden weight had been added into my chest and stomach making me open my eyes and look down at the male on top of me.

”Hi, umm, who are you?” I asked him.

“Your Jinnie,”

“No, I mean who are you?”

”Hey, babe. I- do you really not remember me?”, ‘Jinnie’ asked suddenly.

Looking down at him in sudden confusion I shake my head no.

”Ahh, such a pity.... I do, you know, remember you.” He said as he leaned further against my chest, “I remember meeting you the first time like it was yesterday, it’s engraved into my mind. Sometimes, I have dreams about the day I met you, about how I could have acted to make you mine. Yet I didn’t do that. Those dreams made me act like this, those dreams helped make my mind clear; that I needed to protect you from the bad people. Not like I don’t always dream of you. Every dream I’ve had since I met you is about you. Innocent and not. Dreams about what I could do to you, how I could claim you as mine and lock you up in a castle and protect you from there. God, the thought that you don’t remember me makes me so fucking sad you have no idea yet knowing that I can restart with you is almost like a blessing.”

He looked out the window as did I. As I looked out I noticed how dark it was, and how the stars seemed to make the sea shine brighter.

“I’m- I’m Kim Seokjin, I’m currently twenty-two and I’m taking you, [Last Name] [Full Name] being now seventeen years of age, to the farthest place I can find. It’s a pretty island that I bought a few years ago, in that little big island I made a whole village for you and the rest of the guys. There we’ll have everything, and when we run out; I can always buy more. I can run my business from there, that way we won’t ever run out of money and if you ever want to leave I’ll be able to take you away to anywhere...” He introduced himself smiling softly.

”Seokjin... like the Kim Seokjin from camp?” I asked suddenly.

”Wait you remembered?” He asked in shock, his eyes sparkled with hope.

”W-well not one hundred percent but I think I do?”, I answer in quite a bit of a shock myself, “You bought an island and built a village for me? You have to be kidding, there is no way you-“

”Well, my family owned it anyway but I bought it from my parents; it was practically a gift from them.” He answered.

”But still! You’re insane, who the hell spends that much money on a crush?”

”You are not a crush, [Name].” He laughed, “I love you! For god’s sake I made a whole little village for you!”

”G-god, you’re insane!” I freaked out, the effects of earlier gone.

A dulling look came over his eyes suddenly when I spoke those words.

”Princess, look, I have done way worse shit than buying and building a goddamn village for you. If you needed I’d start a war for you. So do what you do best, and be a good girl for Jinnie, okay? No cussing, no acting out of line, drinking all of the juice and no calling me a freak.” He whispered against my ear.

”What’s wrong with you!” I shouted at him.

Suddenly I heard shuffling from the seat behind me, and the boy that had carried me earlier popped up.

“Good night, what happened darling? Did the serum ware off?” He asked, he seemed tired yet he still smiled, he was wearing a beanie that made his ears pop out even more.

”Yes, it did, Hoseok could you please bring in some more.” Jin asked Hoseok.

“Jung Hoseok? Like star dancer Jung Hoseok?”

He didn’t respond as he fiddled with a bottle until he sat down at the seat next to mine with a little silk piece.

“The one and only, pumpkin, now close your eyes and you’ll feel happy again! You want that right? When you start behaving nicely as you do with this we’ll stop dozing you! Okay? So be good for me, please?”

He gently brought the silk next to my nose and I felt myself go into complete darkness, the same sweet air in my lungs again without me wanting it to.

____________ღ

A string of light coming from the barley opened curtains, followed by the sound of waves crashing against the sand happened to be the reason I woke up today.

Opening my eyes slightly thinking, hoping, that I’d wake up to find myself in my room. But I wasn’t. This wasn’t my room and most definitely not my house.

With fully open eyes, sit up in the comfy bed I happened to be laying in. White, silky sheets with beautiful lace designs, and pillows that smelled wonderful. The bed wasn’t the only dead giveaway that I wasn’t home, other than the rather obnoxious sound of tropical birds and the sea, the room was too.

The spacious room was adorned with clean, grey, stone walls. Walls that were gracefully decorated with minimalist paintings and photos of me and seven men I didn’t know, upon further inspection I saw a picture of what’s supposed to be the night sky the day I was born. A white desk sat in the corner of the wall in front of me, a desk filled with gifts.

At both sides of the bed, there were bedside tables made of glass and black wood. On top of them, each had a lamp and a picture frame of what appeared to be the sea, in one sat a remote control, a small white box and a ring box. In the other, sat a bunch of my trinkets from back home.

The room had a black, clean and shining marble floor, and in some areas had fluffy rugs like beneath the desk and a round glass table, with a rather beautiful flower arrangement, that was placed in the corner, next to the window, it seemed to take a good fourth of the wall.

Looking around once more I saw what I assumed was a closet and bathroom. Both of which, by the looks of it, seemed to be overly spacious.

Standing up from the bed, I looked down to find myself in a white, silk nightgown, quite similar to the fabric of the sheets.

Expecting cold from the marble floor, I was astonished to find that the floor was actually rather warm.

Now as I stood in the middle of the room, I realized how big it really was.

“God, it’s like, three times my old bedroom...” I trailed off.

Remembering the box that lies next to my bed, I rushed over to the bedside and rushed to open the package. Inside was a brand new phone, black and cold to the touch.

”What the-“ Turning around I run to the desk only to find it full of designer branded bags and boxes.

From Gucci to Louis Vuitton, my mouth fell agape at how much all of this must’ve cost. Not only the gifts, but the television, phone, computer and this very same room must have cost a fortune.

“Who the heck has that much money?” I ask myself quietly as I sit down on the desk chair.

A sudden curiosity came over me as I stood up and made my way to what I assumed must have been the closet. Pushing the black door I’m met with a closet as big as my room back home, filled with expensive looking clothes and shoes. Jewelry was stored in glass cases, the light casted a glittering shine to the diamonds and pearls, and a vanity sat in the far back, also filled with makeup. The walls were of black marble, they seemed to hold a certain shine to them that was only noticeable thanks to the beautiful and large glass chandelier that laid on top of the jewelry case.

As I walk inside what’s basically Narnia, I hear the door to the room open as a pretty looking girl looks at me and squeaks.

”Oh! Miss Kim, I thought you wouldn’t wake up ‘till later! Well then, I guess I’ll help you earlier than I thought!” She exclaimed happily, her smile was wide as she spoke.

“Miss Kim?” I asked her as she gently pushed me inside and sat me down in the black velvet chair.

”Yes! I’m one of the maids that are meant to help you when you’re with Mr Kim, other times I guess you’ll get called depending on which Mr your with! Honestly, I think you look cuter with Mr Seokjin!” She giggled as she began combing my hair, she was soft and careful as she brushed my hair

”Hmm, ah! I know, how about a dress? Yes! They said that they would appreciate if you could wear a dress today! It’s hot, so how about a sundress? A strapless one could do, you do have a pretty skin color so I guess a black one could work!” She chanted to herself.

”Okay, go take a long, nice shower and I’ll help you once you get out. Now go, go, trust good ol’ Chuu!” She laughed.

Standing up, she led me to the bathroom and directed me where everything was. She then left me do wash myself.

“Love, take as long as you want but do keep in mind Misters have been waiting for you since you’ve arrived!”

And so I washed myself. I tried to use the best smelling soap and shampoo I could find, to then using the best smelling perfume once I was done. Sighing at how good it felt to be clean, especially after all the mess from earlier, I take a look at the redness of my eyes and puffiness of my cheeks.

I hadn’t realized how long I had taken, but it seems that long enough for Chuu, or Jiwoo as she had also introduced herself as, to pick a black summer dress, shoes and beautiful makeup.

Giving me the dress, I change as fast as I could to let Jiwoo do her magic, maybe she’d take long enough to take my mind off things.

By the time I was ready, I still remembered all that had happened and Jiwoo had left me in the room, telling me another girl would come and pick me up to take me to eat.

So now, I was sitting in this foreign room waiting for god knows what.

———☽

”Hey, [Name]?” I heard Taehyung ask me as he gently nudged me.

”N-no...” I groaned as I covered my face with the silk.

“Yes, princess, c’mon, if you don’t want to walk I’ll take you by force!” He laughs as he lifts me up.

”No.” I groan as I turn around, causing him to almost drop me.

”Shit! [Name], we’re leaving to eat, now.” He scolds as he looks at his watch, he then takes my hand and exits the room.

I get dragged in silence through the modern and yet old looking house until we exit the building and enter the garden.

“Do you like it?” Taehyung asked suddenly.

”Like what?”

”The island?”

”I haven’t seen it much, but it doesn’t seem bad. But I’d rather be home with my family, not, you know, being kidnapped and living with a bunch of stalkers, it’d also be nice to you know, know whats happening? And like, be home and safe?“

”We aren’t stalkers, [Name], we’re just doing something important; taking care of you, plus, your family is dead.”

Staying in silence, I keep trying to ignore the fact my family was fucking dead and that maybe two of my friends turned out to be murderers.

Was Jiwoo into this too? She seemed to be so kind but then again, Joy did too...

Suddenly being pulled down, Taehyung took my hand and led me into a fancy looking greenhouse in the middle of the garden.

“Why are we here?” I asked him as he hummed a melody as we walked through arrangements of different flowers and exotic looking plants.

”To eat, silly!” He laughed, he squeezed my hand as he led me faster.

Once we reached the section filled with my favorite flowers, I began hearing chatter and the sound of plates being served. The voices grew louder the deeper we walked into the [Favorite Flower] filled space.

“Hey, princess, did Jiwoo give you you’re medicine?” Taehyung asked as we made our way.

“N-no?”

”Ahhh, we’ll need to talk to her then, but don’t worry! I’ll give it to you here!” Taehyung smiles down at me.

Even though there was nothing scary about Taehyung, his way bigger frame than mine and the smile that was etched into his face whenever he saw me definitely began creeping me out enough, as if he being my stalker and killing my family wasn’t enough reasons to be wary of him.

He stopped when we were met with a glass room that was seemingly placed in the middle of the greenhouse, he knocked on the door and let go of my hand, placing me in front of him.

The chatter died down as a maid opened the door and we were revealed six males and a few maids, who were standing to the sides. The men were sitting around an organized and pretty wooden table that was filled with delicious looking foods.

”[Name]!” I heard Jeongguk exclaimed as he stood up and made his way to us.

”God...”, I heard Jimin sigh, “Pretty....”

”Please sit down, over here.” Yoongi motioned to the end seat next to him and Seokjin in the head of the table in their end.

Jeongguk took my hand and led me to the seat as Seokjin took out the chair for me to sit. By the time I was sat down, the majority of the boys had already engaged themselves into conversation leaving me to myself when suddenly Yoongi began talking to me and Seokjin.

”So, kitten, how much do you really know about us?” Yoongi asked me, I suddenly remember his comment about my ass and blush slightly as he smirked.

Blushing even more at the nickname, I look back at him and shrugged slightly.

”Gosh, you’re so cute!” Seokjin gushed as he squished my cheek.

”I-I guess, not much... I mean, what I knew were only theories made by my friends...” I spoke quietly as I swatted Seokjin’s hand.

”And what did they come up with?” Yoongi asked, as he took my hand and gently caressed it.

”That you were the ones that wrote the letters....” I spoke in whispers through gritted teeth, I try and pry my hands away.

“Ah, so smart!”, Seokjin laughed, “Who was who?”

Both of them looked at me filled with curiosity.

“I think that you”, I pointed at Yoongi and Seokjin, “are Suga and Jin, and that him and him”, I pointed at Jeongguk and Jimin,” Are Cocky and Chimmy respectively”

I looked at the rest of the boys quickly. Out of the seven, I properly had interacted with all but Hoseok and knew little to nothing about Taehyung, Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon

“You’re right!”, Seokjin laughed along with Yoongi, “Who else?”

”Ahhh, Hoseok he’s hope? And that Taehyung is V? And so that leaves Namjoon as RM...”, I trailed as a girl with a name tag that read ‘Heejin’ served my food.

”Ah, thank you! Miss... Heejin!” I thanked her brightly, or as brightly as I could.

“Hey, princess, look at us....” Yoongi pouted at me.

Blushing even more, I nod quietly, not wanting to anger any of them.

”You haven’t taken your medicine, have you?” Seokjin asked, causing Taehyung to look up from his conversation with Jimin.

”Yeah, she hasn’t taken it yet!”, Taehyung exclaimed.

”But she’s behaving so well!” Hoseok gushed.

”Yeah, but we don’t want that to changes do we?” Namjoon laughed as he took a little flask from his suit.

They passed it down until it reached Seokjin, who took the baby blue flask and looked me in the eye.

”Princess, how do you want to take it? From the bottle or with your juice?” He asked me.

”I-I don’t know-“ I stuttered as I blushed from the attention, was I child to them? Was this a game? I was a year from being a legal adult!

And how could I be so fucking weak?

”She doesn’t know, our baby doesn’t know!” Jimin awed as he sighed into his chair.

”So cute!” Taehyung agreed with his older friend.

”For fucks sake, I love her...” Jeongguk mutters with wide eyes.

What the hell is wrong with them?

”Want to take it from the bottle for us?” Namjoon asked as he fiddled with his tie, a pink blush taking over his cheeks.

”I-I guess?” I answered confused.

I took the bottle out of Seokjin’s hand a quickly chugged it down.

Tastes like the alcohol we’d sneak out of Jeongguk’s dad’s alcohol stash.

”Princess took it so well!” Taehyung clapped.

”Yes she did!” Jimin cheered as he leaned against his palm creepily.

As the other boys began talking with each other again and their attention drifted off of me I waited until only Seokjin and Yoongi were still quiet.

”Hey, what is it that you made me drink?” I asked Seokjin, I picked at his ring hoping to catch his attention.

”Ahh, just a little something to make you behave properly.” Seokjin assured me, he took my hand and kissed before setting it down next to the plate

”How?” I pressed him slightly.

”This makes you behave better, it makes you more well behaved for us, it’ll help you learn how to behave.” Seokjin tried to clear it out for me.

“Bu-“

”Look, darling, you’re done! You ate so well! Hmm, how about you leave with me now!” Jimin suddenly spoke up.

”Wh-” I had barely eaten, I hadn’t even touched the soup and I was starving.

”It’s my day today and tomorrow! Then again, I don’t remember anymore but dates aren’t important. So, let’s go!” Jimin pressed on as he helped me stand up and began dragging me out of the room against the judgment of the other boys. He quickly ran out and picked me up, now I truly couldn’t leave. I was getting tired and giddy by the minute.

“Let’s change clothes together!” Jimin suggested as he ran with me into the house.

———☽

Jimin took changing together quite literally. He brought his clothes to the closet, but instead of using my brain I let him.

The weird liquid they constantly fed me seemed to take effect quickly as I began giggling at every action Jimin did.

By the time we were done changing, we were both wearing matching outfits consisting of orange and navy blues striped oversized sweaters and light blue shorts, with white sneakers and socks.

”You look so cute!” Jimin squealed as he hugged me tight.

”Ha! Thanks Jiminie!” I laughed.

”Where do you want to go?” Jimin asked me as he took my hand and led me outside the other side of the house.

“I don’t know... let’s see a movie!” I suggested, not remembering that we were in the middle of an island the possibility of actually there being a cinema were scarce.

”Yeah, let’s go! In the village there is a movie place-“

”How?” I asked him as he took me down a path as we seemed to be walking down a hill.

”Jin’s family built a village here for their special workers, originally that is, so they could come over to have vacations and not risk having anything happen to them, they still sometimes come but not as often as a bunch of those special workers got ‘scared off by the bad vibes’ over here, as if....”

”So it’s haunted?”

”Nah, it was us trying to get them to leave so we could get this island for you! It was around the time you left, so we had a ton of time to make this place special!” Jimin recalled.

”Ahh, but how did you know I’d come back?” My eyes were dropping slightly, I was beginning to feel number and number.

”You’re very special to us, darling, there is no way in hell we’d let you leave us.” Jimin spoke seriously.

”Really?” I asked him in slight shock.

”Mhm, I mean, at least I do. I dunno about the others but I’m pretty sure I love you!” He spoke softly as we arrived at a town-ish little place.

There were a few people, people that looked very important and rich walking around. People that didn’t seem to like us, why?

”Let’s go, it’s over there!”, Jimin seemed to read my mind when he pulled me toward the cinema, “Let’s watch your favorite one!”

What Jimin had led me wasn’t exactly what you would’ve imagined. But it certainly was a cinema, black background and red velvet, cushioned seats. It was extremely modern in comparison to what I had childishly imagined.

As the movie played on, I couldn’t concentrate on it. Maybe it was because I had seen it over ten times or maybe it was because of Jimin sitting on my lap and cuddling me. No, it was because the drug was warring off, maybe they underestimated my tolerance to the drug. The more minutes passed the more conscious I was about the whole ordeal that had happened in the last forty hours. The death of my whole family, the death of my friends and their families, my kidnapping; everything.

Suddenly I began hearing the soft snores Jimin made while he slept. I looked down at him. One of my tormentors. One of the reasons everything I loved was gone. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted him dead. Frustration that had been built since I moved back into that god damned town was falling over me.

I was crying, I realized when a few tears had fallen into Jimin’s face. I watched as he moved a bit in his sleep as he smiled, muttering my name sometimes or even laughing.

Bastard.

In that moment I realized that if someone didn’t enter that cinema in the next few minutes I would murder that man. I would choke him to death. Scream at him how much I hated him.

It seems someone heard me as two males, followed by two females, came into the cinema.

“[Name]! Are you crying? Are you okay?” I heard Jeongguk exclaim as he ran towards me.

He growled at Jimin as he woke up from his nap in my lap.

”Wh-“

”Why is [Name] crying, Jimin?” Taehyung asked him seriously.

”Wh-“ I pushed Jimin off me, cutting him before he could even start.

I brushed my clothes off, in hopes of brushing him off me too.

“Because I fucking hate you lot, that’s why. What is wrong with you? You keep drugging me all the damn time and expect me to be cool with it? You fucking ruin my life in a few hours and think I’m going to be all lovey-dovey with you? You little fuckers, you all ruined my life!”

I straightened my posture and walked out of the building. I ignored as Jimin and Jeongguk broke down crying, I ignored Taehyung as he screamed at me to come back.

”What? Ha, as if I cared!” Taehyung shouted at me before he quickly realized what he had said, “Dammit!” He cried again.

”Bunny, come back!”, Jeongguk cried softly as he tried chasing me slowly.

”Fuck off.” I responded tired, “You really think that some random ass drug is going to make me be okay with you lot taking me for hostage or some shit?”

We walked out of the cinema.

”It’s not like that!” Jeongguk exclaimed, he was getting more and more frustrated as I spoke. “They love you, we love you! I love you dammit!”

”Love? You sickos call this bullshit love? You need medical help, Jeongguk. Cut it with your bullshit, are you really that desperate that you’re gonna up front kidnap me? And on top of that fuckery, you expect me to be in love with you? Like hell I will! I despise you, Jeongguk, I have despised you since I came back home. You were nothing but the biggest dick ever to me and then you pull up this bullshit? ‘I love you’ you say, bull-fucking-shit I say.” Pushing him as I walk towards the house, I look back at him. “You are so full of yourself it’s disgusting.”

Looking at me in shock, Jeongguk then straightened himself up and began making his way faster towards me. I couldn’t see his eyes as he walked with his head bowed down, yet I didn’t want to see his eyes.

”Look, bunny, I wanted to behave. I really fucking did, but this behavior of yours it’s not up to my standards,” he gripped my wrist suddenly, “and I call bullshit to it. You see, bunny, I behaved like a good little bunny boy because you liked me like that didn’t you? You wanted me to be your Jeongguk, and so I did because that way you’d be mine, right?  But it seems like you think you’re in control, that you don’t belong to me, and let me tell you sweetheart, I don’t like it when people take control. You promised me we would get married, you promised me you’d love me, that we’d be together forever, all if I was your little good bunny. And I did. But you, you didn’t keep your part of the promise, you weren’t a good owner. No, no, you went out there and caught others hearts and then moved out of town, you left your bunny alone with these impostors. I didn’t like it, I did not like it at all, and I’m making sure no one takes my owner away now, even if I have to make you my bunny.”

”What?” I asked in a whisper, yet he ignored me and continued on rambling.

”I’ll put a pretty little collar on your neck if you even think of running away, but you won’t, right bunny? You’ll be here with me, and you’ll help me kill them off. All of them.” He laughed as he began leading me inside the house, to his room.

“Ki-kill them?”

”Yeah, they’ve made your life a hell, Hoseok killed Mark, Namjoon spread rumors of you, Seokjin has poisoned you before, Jimin broke into your house a bunch of time with Tae, Tae stalked you and taken suggestive pictures of you and Yoongi, he started the fire.” He smiled evilly as he caresses my cheeks.

”B-but...”

”See bunny? You can’t trust anyone here, not even me, but unlike them I’m willing to do anything, within reason, to redeem myself to you, but no letting you leave, sadly.” Jeongguk then began kissing my hand and talking, “So, will you let me be your bunny? I’ll do anything you ask of me, I’ll be your servant. I promise you that you won’t regret it, just let me be your bunny again.” He pouted as he looked up and left one last kiss on me knuckles.

He then threw me on the bed and rested himself on my chest as he looked up.

”I’ll do anything for you, kill, cook, torture, plant flowers, anything, you can tell me what to dress, how to act, how you want my hair. I’ll be your doll, bunny, just say yes. I’ll protect you from them.”

Blushing, my mind began to race as my blood began pumping faster. My mind became hazy as I spoke words that I didn’t know if I regretted.

“O-okay, I-I mean, yes?”

Suddenly it was his turn to become excited, as adrenaline seemed to pump through his veins, his eyes got wider as he caged me in his arms.

”Really? Oh my- finally! God, I love you, I love you, I love you!” He cried as he cupped my face in his hands, tears began to stream violently down his face, ”I’ll be the best bunny!” He laughed as he kissed me in the lips, it wasn’t like he left me much choice.

You never truly learn how to stop making mistakes, do you?

________________ღ

When: Back then.

Why: Because she didn’t want to.

Where: Home?

—————— b e t r a y a l ————————

Blood. Everywhere. The room was drenched in the red liquid, the smell of iron attached itself in every surface the liquid was attached to, the sticky substance was dripping from its source to the floor and the surrounding areas. Patterns of blood everywhere, ceilings, walls, floor.

Mutilated. The corpses let out their rotting smell, it seemed to reach every corner and stay there, the smell didn’t fade, even if they had been laying there for years and years.

Standing in the middle was the son of a loving family, as he breathed heavily, as he stared at someone he never thought he’d hurt.

“Why? What did that poor woman do to you?” She asked him while tears pooled in her eyes, his eyes.

”Mom, you don’t understand!” He shouted at her, of course she didn’t; she didn’t know [Name] like he did.

”No I do not, you- look what you did! All for this girl who doesn’t even know you! I should call the police, Taehyung, what you’re doing isn’t normal! You’re going to hurt her aren’t you?” She yelled at him.

“Hurt her? We are talking about [Name] you know!” He yelled back.

He yelled at his mother.

”Yes I do, and I also know that this isn’t okay! Taehyung, do you think this is okay? Killing people?”

”Scumbags.” He muttered as his chest rose up and down at a dangerous pace.

”What did you say?” She asked, this boy, no this man wasn’t her son.This thing wasn’t human.

“They were scumbags, they weren’t people! They contaminated her, mom, they tried to dirty her! Why don’t you understand? I love her and she loves me back! I’ve seen it, I’ve fucking seen it!” He shouted at her as he took slow steps towards her.

”Wait until your father hears about this, I might not call the police but he sure will, he will not tolerate this!” The mother shouted at her son, her husband was a good man, he’d teach their son.

”Dad? He’s been gone for almost a year! What? Don’t tell me you thought he was gonna return now?” He asked her as he laughed, tears falling from his cheeks.

”Y-yes, he will and he will not tolerate this behavior of yours!” She tried to stand her ground against her own blood. This thing was not her son.

”He was with another woman, mother, he came back months ago, do you want to hear what happened with dad and her?”

He began laughing louder as he saw the look in his mother’s eyes.

”The secretary, mom, it was her; Heejae. You weren’t home when they arrived, I was though, I was here all along and I heard it all, do you want to hear it, momma? Hear how father cheated on you with that slut?” He walked to a small computer in the back of the room, he passed through corpses as if they were nothing.

The mother followed the son, almost like a robot, as he pressed play on a video. A video showcasing the most intimate act between two people; between her husband and his secretary.

“It was upstairs, momma, until they saw your car, they ran down here, my mistake was I didn’t lock the door, so they saw it all. He acted just like you said he would, but their phones were on their pants, they always are, but the problem is they didn’t have theirs on. And guess what I did Momma?” He looked as the tears streamed down her face as she looked at him.

”What did you do, Taehyung?”

”I killed them. Now tell me, mom, do you think that my relationship with [Name] is a bad one?” He asked as his mother threw herself at him as she cried.

”I-I-“

”It’s not, is it? What I’m doing is preventing her from doing things like this, now tell me, mom, am I bad?”

”N-no?” She croaked, her own sanity was falling down like sand castle, a human being can only take so much at a time before they fall into insanity. This boy was her son.

“See mom? Now, I don’t want you to end up like dad, so, will you help me keep my [Name] save?”

The son asked his mother for help. And just like any good mother, she accepted it.

“Thank you, momma, I promise you your daughter in law will be better than this dumbass of a father.”

———— m o m m a ————

And just like that the son’s mother set out to help him and his friends with all of their deeds. Of course, she didn’t cheer for all seven kids, that at this point she considered her own, she always hoped that her son would win the girl’s heart.

“Taehyungie, make sure you dress nicely today, you have biology with her, don’t you?” She reminded him every Wednesday and Thursday.

”Oh, yeah! Thank you, momma!” He’d always let her help him get dressed and fix his hair for her.

And just like that, a bond that should have broken only strengthened itself.

———— m o m m a ————

One day, the son burst out crying as he came in the house he and his mother lived in.

The woman didn’t work, as her husband had left them a great deed of money and her friend Miss Kim helped her, she was also in their sons secrets.

”Taehyung! Oh god, what happened?” She cried, the last time he had reacted this way was when his lover had left him to go elsewhere, since then all his friends and the families that knew had been trying to locate her and bring her back to them.

”Momma, Jin said- he said that baby bear was going to come back next week! She’s coming back, Momma!” He cried harder as he hugged his mother.

“She is?” She exclaimed she was ecstatic, finally her son was going to be happy again.

”Yes! I-I gotta make myself handsome for her shouldn’t I? Ohh, it’s been so long, what if she’s changed her taste? What if she doesn’t hang out Jeongguk anymore? What if she- she had a boyfriend?” He muttered the last part darkly to himself.

The mother chuckled to herself as she hugged her son, he looked older but he still acted like a little kid. This boy was her son.

”Don’t worry, Taehyungie, she won’t have a boyfriend, she isn’t like your bastard of a father, she wouldn’t cheat on you, and if she does, has that ever stopped you? You’re the best looking boy in your school, baby, she’ll realize her mistake in an instant! Then you’ll take her to the island and be happy there forever!” She hugged her son closely as he cried out his love’s name.

”Come on, tomorrow you won’t go to school, you know what? You won’t go to school at all this week, we’re gonna get you ready for [Name], how does that sound?” She decided as she looked down her son who was snuggled into her chest.

”N-nice.” He stuttered as he smiled softly.

That week, the son and mother spent a ridiculous amount of money to make the already handsome boy look even better. This woman was his mom.

———— m o m m a ————

And so it went, the boy updated his mother on his delusional relationship and the mother believed it and loved the thought of her boy with such an amazing woman as [Name].

Until the one day.

“Momma! Jeongguk said that [Name] is gonna hang out with him and Namjoon and that she might hang out with us too soon!” The boy ran to his mother shouting in joy.

The news caused her to jump in joy with her son.

”Oh! Baby, that’s amazing!” She hugged him as she smiled up at him.

”It is, isn’t it?” He laughed.

”Of course! Oh, by the way, the boy that tried to flirt with [Name] last week is in the basement, he’s sedated, so you can do whatever you want with him after you do your homework and remember that dinner is at seven!” She laughed as her son nodded happily and skipped up the stairs in joy. These two things are human.

——— m o m m a ———

“Momma, Momma! You won’t believe what happened!” He shouted as he sat down at the table with his mom and younger sister.

They weren’t siblings by blood, him and his mother decided to adopt her one day due to the similarities she had to his lover. The day they adopted the girl, they swore to protect her from harm. The son ended up as a father figure to the young girl and the mother watched almost as a grandmother. He liked to believe that she was his daughter with his lover.

“Huh? What happened, Hyungie?” The younger sister asked.

”Ahh, Jieun, we made a friend with the boys, her name is Sooyeong and she will help to bring my wife, [Name], to us!” The son smiled at the five year old.

”Really?” She asked happily.

”Oh, wasn’t she a friend of [Name]’s?” The mother asked, “Won’t she snitch?”

”Nah, she even killed her family! She’ll also kill [Name]’s friends so that she’ll only have us!” The son smiled proudly.

”Amazing!” Mother looked at both her children.

”See Jieun, you gotta protect [Name] just like Taehyung-ie when we leave to the island, okay?”

”Yes, momma.”

”So what will you do, Jieunie?”

”If [Name] does anything suspicious with one of the boys other than Hyungie I’ll tell Hyungie and momma about it so that they can purify her, then I’ll take her to drink tea and make her sad so she doesn’t do it again!” The girl recited by heart as she smiled, the two other people clapped and congratulated her.

”Yes!” Her brother smiled.

“Aren’t you an amazing little girl?”

——— m o m m a ———

“Momma?” She heard her son’s voice from the phone, she held her daughter tightly.

”Yes?”

”Are you on the plane with Jieun?” He asked worriedly, he needs his mom to be there with him.

”Yes, is [Name] with you?” She asked as the plane began preparing to take off.

”Yes, she’s sound asleep now. It’s so weird, it really is happening, momma. Ah, we’re landing soon, I’ll call you when we’re home, love you momma! Tell Jieun that she’ll meet my wife soon!” He made a kissing sound before cutting off the phone call.

”Momma, is it normal to do what we’re doing? Taking a girl to a place far away without her family, what if she gets lonely?” The daughter asked.

”It’s normal, Jieunie, we’re protecting her from those beasts that will make her cheat on Taehyung, not that she would, but it’s best to be sure. Plus, we’re gonna be her new family, so she isn’t going to be lonely.” Mother smiled at the girl as she curled into her chest.

”Are you sure, momma?”

”Momma always knows best, baby.”

______________ღ

——— m o n e y , m o n e y ———

“Hey, Seokjin, how was summer camp?” Seokjin’s older brother asked him excitedly, he hadn’t been able to go due to his parents forcing him to stay home and study but he was alright with it, he knew it was for his and his brother’s future.

”Ahh, Seokjung, it was something.” Seokjin commented tiredly, he was exhausted by how idiotic the kids in that camp were.

”Really? Huh, but what’s something, Jin? It can’t be nothing.” Seokjung pouted as he sat down on the couch next to Jin, couldn’t Seokjin see how lucky he was?

”Ah, it was okay, I guess, I was the second oldest though, so they put me in charge of my cabin, so I had to work with this girl, I think her name was Joohyun?” Seokjin told his brother.

”Ahh, Joohyun? Like Bae Joohyun?” He asked, now this was important, Seokjung smiled.

”Yeah, I think, why?” Jin mused, now this was interesting, was this the girl his brother had a crush on? No, it couldn’t Joohyun was fifteen, the same age as Jin, and Seokjung had said she was younger than him. Seokjung being only fourteen years old.

”Ah, was [Last Name] [Full Name] there?” Seokjung asked blushing.

”I think so?” Seokjin answered amused.

”W-well, you see, she’s the girl I have a crush on.” Seokjin confessed blushing red.

”Really? She’s like twelve dude, what? That’s creepy dude, what the hell?” Seokjin snorted, Seokjung pushed Seokjin laughing embarrassed.

”H-hey! I know, and that’s why I’m not going to act on my feelings okay? Anyway, she’s cute and all but she’s in what, fifth grade and I’m in eighth and the fact that she’s friends with Jeongguk, Jeon Junghyung’s little brother, isn’t going to help much.” Seokjung laughed.

”Wow, tragic, anyway, where’s mom and dad?” Seokjin laughed.

”Oh, yeah, they went out to dinner with this weird ass old man, dunno why, probably business.” Seokjung casually mentioned, “Anyway, Jin are you going to go to camp next year?”

”Hmm, do you want to?” Jin asked.

”Huh? Do I want to go? Hell yes I do, it seems fun as hell!”

“Then I’ll go, Jung, don’t worry, I’ll have fun for you.” Jin smiled.

If Seokjin could have something his brother didn’t and wanted, he was going to have it no matter what.

————— m u s t  b e  f u n n y ————

Fuck Seokjung, fuck mom and dad, fuck that damned company, fuck it all.

Seokjin, grumbled as he threw himself into his bed, why did Seokjung have everything?

“He inherited the company, the smarts, the good looks, every-fucking-thing, he has a crush, he is a crush, the money, the girls, he gets it all, he’s fucking younger than me by two fucking years and what did I get? Summer camp, summer fucking camp.” Seokjin whispered harshly.

He turned around in his bed and looked at the window.

”I could steal his crush.” Seokjin told himself matter of factly.

It was true, he got confessed everyday by some girl, even if he didn’t try so maybe if he tried he could steal [Name] from Seokjung.

”Yeah, that isn’t too hard, is it?” Seokjin mused. “But, what does [Name] like?”

Who was [Name] in the first place, was she mature? What did she like? Was what he was doing perhaps too petty? No, it was a dose of Seokjung’s own medicine.

That night, Seokjin spent it all looking around his brothers room while the latter slept. He found both something horrifying and absolutely amazing.

”He fucking stalks her.” He mused.

And like that he spent countless nights throughout the rest of the summer, rummaging through his brothers stuff, and during the day he’d stalk her to gather all he could to win her over. So someone would choose him over his brother.

———— i n  a  r i c h  m a n ‘ s ———

“Seokjin, oh god!” His mother cried in the couch, she bawled her eyes out in her own hands. Her son, her favorite son, had died.

”Your brother, Jin, he killed himself.” His father finished as he also cried, Seokjin knew that if it had been him they’d only shed a few tears, but with Seokjung? They’d cry a river for that bastard.

He knew.

”What?” Seokjin asked with, fake, sadness.

”Yes, we don’t know why, b-but me and your mother needs a break so we’ll be going on vacation for awhile, at that island we bought a while ago, anyway this isn’t what we need to tell you is that- you’ll be taking over the company.” His father smiled through tears. “Make us proud son.”

That was what his parents told him before they sent him to summer camp again, yet he didn’t want to go. Nothing else was said between him and his parents not that he cared, he had something more important at hand. He didn’t cry, why would he? He had killed Seokjung anyway, with the help of his friends that is.

His princess wasn't there anymore.

———— w o r l d ———

“I-I like you and I know I’m three years older than you, [Name], but you’re very nice and next year I’m leaving so I won’t be here anymore, really and I heard you’d move soon in like a month or more and I was like, wondering if you’d like to go out, not like a date, that’s like, weird but-“ Seokjung confessed to the blushing fourteen year old.

”Ah, you’re , but I like you anyway!” She smiled, she was not expecting that nor was he.

”You do?” He asked in shock.

”Yeah! And, yes I know I’m fourteen and that this is weird and all, you’re like what seventeen, but let’s give it a go while you’re illegal, ‘kay? After you turn eighteen it’s all gone! And if it doesn’t work you can forget me and if it does you can, like, totally wait!” She fingered gunned the boy as he laughed.

”O-okay?” He asked laughing harder at her antics.

”Totally tubular!” She joked as she grabbed his hand and interlocked their fingers and pulled him to an ice cream shop as they both chatted happily.

They were too happy to notice the group of four males glaring their way.

”Your brother confessed to her,” Namjoon gaped at the scene, he couldn’t believe what he had just seen.

”And she accepted him!” Hoseok cried, tears streamed down his face.

”And she’s leaving, leaving while dating your idiot brother?” Yoongi growled. “That’s fucking illegal!”

”He’s still underage though...” Seokjin commented numbly. He had finally realized after two years of stalking her, he had realized he had fallen in love with her too. But it was too late, and the fates hated him, and his princess was about to leave the kingdom without him. And she was now with that pig of a brother.

”Kill him.” Seokjin said suddenly as they stood up, he didn’t even think twice before saying it.

”What?” Hoseok asked scared, kill someone? Him? No way, he couldn’t even kill an ant!

”Kill him, let’s kill my brother.” Seokjin laughed.

”What the fuck, dude? You okay?” Yoongi asked worried, that wasn’t like Seokjin at all.

”Hell yes, I’m so okay that my brother stole the love of my fucking life!” He answered sarcastically, as he glared at the ice cream shop.

“Hey, guys, you said you’d do anything for [Name], right?” Namjoon asked suddenly.

”What are you talking about now?” Hoseok asked even more scared, if that was even possible.

”I say, we do it, murder Seokjung, he’s in the way.” Seokjin repeated.

”Me too.” Namjoon agreed.

”Okay, fine, it’s for [Name], right?” Yoongi asked, it didn’t take much convincing for him anyway. It’s not like he hadn’t considered murder before, he just never had the resources to actually do it.

”Yeah.” Seokjin answered him, obviously, who else would it be for.

”Hoseok?” Namjoon asked.

”F-fine, but let’s not get caught, ‘kay?”

“That’s the fucking plan you idiot.” Yoongi laughed.

”Anyway, how do we do it?” Seokjin asked seriously, not an ounce of hesitation or doubt laid in his voice.

”Fake a suicide?” Namjoon suggested, he couldn’t believe they were actually going to do this.

”Hmm, yeah, whatever. Should we call the younger kids though?” Yoongi asked as they walked the basically dead streets.

”Nah, they’ll probably snitch, plus Jeongguk isn’t in the best place with [Name] leaving and all that shit, he’ll need Jimin and Tae.”

”Yeah, so how do we do it? The fake suicide? What’s the story behind it, do we forge a letter?”

”We can make him choke in the new car dad gave him, we can lock him in the garage and turn the engine on, no one can survive that, he won’t be able to breath in a few minutes but just in case, we can leave him there for an hour or so.” Seokjin told them his plan.

And they all agreed.

And that’s how they killed their first victim. But it was too late, [Name] had already left town, without knowledge of what happened to Seokjung until years later, yet by that time she had bigger problems than that.

——— m o n e y  , m o n e y———

“Seokjin, aren’t you happy?” His driver asked him, he probably had no idea his brother died or that he really didn’t want to leave his home, he wanted to work, he needed to work.

”Not really.” Seokjin sighed as he leaned against the glass.

”Why is that?”

“Because the girl I love left.” Seokjin told him dramatically, he was the only adult he felt comfortable enough joking with.

”Ahh, how special is that girl?” The old man laughed, his voice was filled with joy and curiosity.

”Special enough I’d kill for her.” Seokjin smirked behind the old man’s back.

———— w a s  r e a l l y  f u n n y ———

If Seokjung had it, Seokjin needed it. That’s how you fell in the devil's hands. By mere bad luck and a one sided rivalry, quite a drama, right? At the beginning, he only wanted you for the sake of having something his brother wanted. But slowly, it became more about himself, and his needs. He needed you now, not his brother, not the company, you. And not even that overachieving idiot was going to keep you two apart.

Luckily for Seokjin, it seems like you didn’t remember either him or his brother. He now was the only heir of the Kim company in your mind and memory. He now had something his brother didn’t. He has you.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t regret killing his brother, he would’ve enjoyed seeing his face as he won you over.

But one can’t have it all, can they?

———— i n  a  d e a d  m a n ‘s  w o r l d —

————         

@nojamsnoham @camiliasmencles @yandere-hobi @spaceunicorn293  @prinnytaylor @mo-la @ggukkimari @ilovesomuchstuff @strawberry-leche

————

[mittensmorgul]

not a strictly spn question, but, as someone who wants to start writing, how the ever-loving fuck do you pump out so many fics so fast?? i’ve been working on outlining the same three stories for like a year (not really) ((but kinda))

Hi there, and congrats on that much outlining! I… don’t outline that much, ever, for anything. But I also don’t think I crank out fics all that fast. It might seem that way sometimes, but the Pinefest fic I posted in February has actually been drafted (and through several rounds of editing) since last August. I only just posted it for Pinefest. So it might seem there was only a month and a half between me writing that and the thing I posted last night, I’ve actually been working on THAT since January… three and a half months for 30k isn’t very fast. :P

I’m putting this under a cut because it’s kinda long, and possibly boring or irrelevant in the big scheme of things…

(I once wrote a 105k word original novel in 15 days, and a friend of mine wrote a 130k novel in just over three days on a deadline, but heck that is atypically fast… and nearly killed them… no really they developed shingles from the stress of it, do not recommend)

So I might be slightly biased here, but at some point you gotta stop outlining and start writing. That’s the secret. You can’t crank out stories unless you actually start writing them.

That said, when I say I don’t outline, I mean I have notes for fic that range from this, for my 8k short:

*soulmate situation described here: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/173681098950/i-saw-a-writing-prompt-that-went-like-this-you Officially written and posted on 11/14/18 as Lost Time.

that’s just a link to a post that inspired the thing, to this, for a 65k fic: 

*NAILED IT! How could I fanfic my way through this baking show? or maybe I should just… write fanfic of this… (notes document: Cakepocalypse notes) (in process as of 4/1/18 as a potential dcbb as Cakepocalypse) (posted 6/23/18)https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017792

(sorry, I removed the link to my notes doc, but what I am willing to show of that:

wherein a lot of those 15 pages consists of images of the cakes in each challenge for my own personal reference while writing.)

Basically the ONLY two fics I’ve ever written an outline for structurally required it:

Cakepocalypse and Around the World in 24 Days, both fics based off “reality show” formats– Cakepocalypse was basically Nailed It!, and AtWi24D is the Amazing Race (and over 101k, based on about 5k worth of very detailed notes I’d be happy to show you if you come off anon). There was no way I could keep track of that many “contestants” and all their challenges, travel, baking, guests, etc. without keeping these sorts of detailed notes.

My previous pinefest fic, Winchester 275, was a 57k AU based on a two sentence thing that had been sitting on my to be written list for YEARS:

*(writing for pinefest, working title of Winchester 275 as of 8/29/17, draft finished 11/29/17, posted 3/6/18 http://archiveofourown.org/works/13788693) astronomy night at a dude ranch in arizona, Cas brings the telescope, dean only sees the stars in his eyes oh god did i actually write that down? yes. yes i did.

And my first DCBB, Revenge of the Subtext, was 80k based on a one sentence prompt: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/130269813965/meangreenlimabean-mittensmorgul.

So if your fic doesn’t NEED you to make such detailed notes, just start writing already. :D

When I first started writing (loooong before I ever started writing fic), some of my encouraging friends told me some interesting stories. We got to talking about how annoying it was that so many people respond to someone saying they write with, “Oh, I’ve been thinking about writing a novel for years,” or something else along those lines. My friend told me she knew a guy who had been outlining his novel for more than a decade, but never seemed to be able to get it quite right so that he felt he could start writing. With that sort of attitude, he probably never will, you know?

You will never have a “perfect” outline. Just like you’ll never have a “perfect first draft.” You have to have a draft to be able to edit it, you know? Can’t edit a blank page, and an outline can only take you so far before it becomes so fleshed out that it ceases to be an outline and looks more like a first draft.

So set a writing goal for yourself. Shoot for easy to start with, and then you can tweak the goal as you fall into the habit. Say, 200 words a day. Or 1000 words a week (because in all honesty you might miss a day here and there, and you shouldn’t get down on yourself for that, either). I personally shoot for 1000 words on days when I write, but I’ve been doing this for more than a decade now. I don’t always make it, but sometimes I double that, or quintuple it, or more. And I have scheduled days off (Supernatural nights when new episodes air, and usually the day after, and Monday night when I play pub trivia and it’s Mr. Mittens’ night off work). But outside of those days, barring extreme exhaustion or illness, I try to write at least 1000 words a night.

Being that I’m not an outliner, I feel I need to say that I always know the whole story before I start writing. It’s all up inside my head, running like a film that I “transcribe” into a fic. So even if I don’t have a written, bullet-pointed list of plot points and emotional beats, I do have the “finished product” looping through my head continuously until I transcribe it all. I know that’s not actually useful writing advice for most people, and I have no idea if this is how anyone else approaches writing, but it’s how it works for me. Minor details may only show up while I’m writing, but the whole story is already there.

This is why I never, ever post incomplete, wip fic. I am a compulsive editor, mostly because I don’t create detailed outlines before I start, and for the sake of continuity, editing is my friend. Can’t go back to insert a reference into chapter 3 that will become important by chapter 14 if you posted chapter 3 half a year ago, you know? Your readers are not gonna go back and reread your updates when you remember that Important Detail never actually made it onto the page in the exact way you needed it to way back when. :P

Now, an outliner MAY have picked that detail up and inserted it before they ever started writing, but one thing folks might not understand until they actually start writing: Actually writing the thing out, making it flesh and letting it breathe, will inherently change your two-dimensional outline. I’m not saying that your plot will derail itself, but only once you begin bringing the story to life, begin living on the page through the characters, will you begin to feel them as living beings, and can really begin to understand them and make them feel real to readers. No outline can do this, and will always fall short of feeling “good enough” for this reason.

(sorry, a lot of how I feel about writing sounds slightly unhinged when I try to talk about it, so please remember that the first original novel I wrote was based on a recurring nightmare I had after a psychotic break, which I literally wrote as therapy to banish the Bad Thoughts. Yes, it worked. Yes, that’s why I still write this way more than a decade later.)

But this is where you’ll begin to fill in the “gaps” inherent in any outline. Personality quirks, inside jokes between characters, feeling their feelings and translating that to the page. But also picking up all the dangling threads like repeating themes and emotional triggers.

I think I’ve gone way far off the path here…

Basically, pick one of your outlines. Decide you’re gonna start writing it. Then start writing it. It’s that simple, and that seemingly impossible. Write one sentence. Then write another. Then write lots more.

Good luck! I know it’s terrifying. I’m terrified every time I pick a new fic idea to write and stare at that blank document. But I stare it down, give a hearty pterodactyl screech, and dive bomb the keyboard. It’s really the only way to do it.

It’s worked pretty well for me so far. :P

[henqiguai]

klance fic rec

enjoy!

❤ = favorite

❤ ❤ ❤ = god-tier

COMPLETED

All In by cheshireree (7k, T)

As far as Lance's teenage heart was concerned, apparently everything started and ended with him cradled in Keith's arms. Or something equally as embarrassing that Lance didn't really want to think about.

or, 5 times Keith carries Lance and 1 time Lance carries Keith.

all we have to do by aknightley (19k, T)

Keith gets hurt during a mission, and Lance is not sure how to handle that.

Lance wakes up on the floor outside of the medical bay, jerking wildly, body a mess of aches and twinges.

As If by surveycorpsjean (6k, M)

The five times Lance was his impulse control, and the one time he wasn't.

Ascension by Gigapoodle (11k, Not Rated)

Four times where Lance feels insecure, and one time where Keith has had enough.

Bright Ideas by ceiland (19k, G)

After a mission meant to be routine goes awry, Keith and the Red Lion crash-land on an ice planet in the rim of an obscure solar system. Except—Lance, in the course of risking his life to save Keith's, winds up stranded on the surface with him. Comms down and Lions out of order, together, they've got to avoid extraterrestrial weather conditions, Galra patrols, and the tension that happens when you're on a time limit to confess your feelings. 

Cut to the Feeling by usernicole (15k, T)

“Let’s do it again,” Keith says breathlessly. “Here and on every planet we come across. Let’s get married on every planet we can.” “Are you joking?” Lance asks, incredulous. “You really want to get married to me on every planet we land on?” “Yes,” Keith says, voice high pitched and shaky with residual adrenaline. “Yes. Every planet. If it feels like this every time, let’s get married ten, twenty, a hundred times.”

“Let’s break records. I want the universe to see us and be jealous.”

Or: Five times Keith and Lance get married, and one time they don't.

Rest of the fics under the cut!

electromagnetic by seabear (25k, T)

Lance spends a lot of time wondering about his place in the universe. And his place with Keith. Oh, also there’s a heist and some fake dating.

Entangled by Purpleneutrino (101k, M)

When Keith found himself mentally linked to Lance of all people, he never thought that it would end in anything but irritation and misery on both sides. He certainly never imagined that it would be a useful asset in team Voltron's fight against the Galra Empire. Now if he can just keep his feelings in check, they might actually have a chance at defeating Zarkon.

Needless to say, when he'd wished for a 'bonding moment' with Lance, this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind.

(Eventual romance and mature content for later chapters).

excelsior by warmth (4k, Not Rated)  ❤

“Onward and upward,” Lance says. “to greater glory.”

A Fish and a Bird by Methoxyethane (13k, T)

Lance has a boyfriend. Lance does not realize he has a boyfriend. Keith, understandably, does not react well.

got got got it bad by kairiolette (10k, T)

"He leans in to hook his arm around Keith’s shoulders in full. It’s right in Keith ear, when he speaks. “I have a crush on someone new, like, every week.”

“No—it's not someone.” Keith brings his head up, and it feels as heavy on his neck as if it were his center of gravity, and he meets Lance’s eyes with his own. Keith doesn’t mean to communicate something through their silence, he just kind of gets caught up in staring at Lance’s face, which tends to happen lately. Sharp features, cheekbones and chin. Impossible eyes and a loud mouth as expressive as his eyebrows. But Lance seems to come to some understanding on his own. He sits back in a rare, rare moment of speechlessness, that mouth of his slightly pursed and twitching in its search for words in what can only be, though Keith doesn’t know much about body language, immense confusion on the brink of realization."

Or: Keith acknowledges his feelings for Lance and promptly goes through the five stages of grief.

Homesick at Space Camp by Kobot (74k, T)

Lance realizes he's been an asshole to Keith, and on a diplomatic mission to a key planet for the Voltron alliance he... overcompensates.

i want your heaven and your oceans too by mothpoem (11k, T)  ❤

“Not—not that you’d be my rebound! I mean, you’d be helping me take my mind off of this guy, but to be a rebound, I’d have to have dated him first, I think, and he doesn’t even know I like him, so. You wouldn’t be a rebound. At worst, we become badass partners-in-crime with a grudging respect for each other, at best, we’re soulmates for life and this is fate trying to help us find happiness. So. Um.” Lance swallows and looks up at the Blade of Marmora soldier through his lashes. “What say you?”

They look down at their hands for a moment, fingers twisting together in deep thought. Then they’re pulling their gloves off, revealing pale, half-bruised knuckles of the human variation, and their mask is dissolving, giving way to big blue-purple eyes and an achingly familiar jet-black cowlick. “Who,” says Keith Kogane, in that low-pitched rumble that makes Lance’s stomach roil in the good way—holy fuck—“is this guy you’re trying to get over?”

I’d Tap That by VulpesVulpes713 (37k, T)

Keith has never really been good with words. He says what he means, and more often than not, what he doesn't mean, leading to several uncomfortable situations. One of said occasions happens on a planet during a mission, where Keith's attempt at complimenting the blue paladin is entirely misinterpreted, but Keith isn't able to properly apologize before the mission goes south, resulting in Lance being subjected to the 'gifts' the locals possess. So now Keith is at an impasse, with his communication skills severely lacking in the comforting department, and his growing feelings towards Lance making everything so much more difficult than it needs to be. If only there were a way to talk to the blue paladin without using words...

.. ..-. / --- -. .-.. -.-- / .... . / .... .- -.. / -.- -. --- .-- -. / .-.. .- -. -.-. . / -.- -. . .-- / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / ... --- --- -. . .-. .-.-.-

i’ll be waiting right here by queenfrog (20k, G)

Keith sighs and runs a hand through his already tousled hair. “I mean, we’ll just take the rings off and that’ll be it. No big deal.”

“No big deal?” Lance squawks, sounding slightly hysterical now. “No big deal?” He stands up quickly and waves his ring finger in front of Keith’s face. “Keith, we said vows. I’m pretty sure that’s the very definition of a big deal.”

Keith and Lance get married. Accidentally.

if we all die young then we won’t get hurt by nikkiRA (8k, G)

“We need him,” Keith says, as much to Matt as to Lance.

“And we need you, too, idiot! Keith, fucking listen to me, you are going to shut up and stop wasting your strength by talking useless nonsense and wait for me and Hunk to get there, all right, because I am not going to let you die, it is not happening, you do not get to kiss me and then die!”

Silence. He hears Pidge say, tentatively, “Excuse me?”

Ignorance is Bliss by YouAreInAComaWakeUp (172k, T)

As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew?

Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he's the less-evil one, too, so that's always a plus.

in stasis by ilgaksu (26k, T)

The story starts like this: with a story where you think you know the end, until it turns out you don’t, until it turns out you didn’t have a clue.

In which for three months of Lance McClain's life, he lives as an AI, waiting for his prosthetics to come online. It goes about as well as expected.

it’s all in my head by aknightley (7k, T)

"Uh," Pidge said, "Lance? Buddy? What's the deal?"

"That's Lance?" Hunk shouted, somehow still ramming ships away from the castle; Keith felt like bubbles were bursting in his head, effervescent pops of giddy fear mixed with conviction. Lance, he thought, Lance feels like this."Thank God, I thought I was going crazy for a second."

Keith Kogane and the Hufflepuff Enigma by arifail (30k, T)

The highlights of Keith's sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Featuring Quidditch, dick jokes, denial, and an inordinate amount of Lance Sanchez-McClain.

(Hunk and Pidge are there too.)

A Kiss is a Kiss (But it’s never like this) by GibbousLunation (25k, T)  ❤❤❤

“How does this keep happening to us, every time.” Lance grumbled.

“You’d think they’d stop sending us on away missions,” he agreed. Honestly, between the poisonous plants of their last planet, and Lance’s tendency to always end up on the business end of every blaster or pointy ended stick, Allura was just being inefficient at this point.

Or, five times Keith kissed Lance but the situation was less than ideal, and one time Lance finally kissed him back.

ladies and gentlemen we are rocking in space by mayerwien (2k, T)

LANCE do u like the taste of spam, van kieu because thats what ull get 1 glorious terabyte of def-not-garrison-approved viewing matl every hour on d hour

KEITH And now you’re blackmailing me. Wonderful. Look, I’ll tell you, alright? Not because your threat scares me, but because I’d like to cut this conversation as short as humanly possible.

LANCE glad ur being so cooperative ;) ;)

--

Lance gets a new flight simulation partner. Lance makes a bunch of mixtapes. Lance falls in love?

Galaxy Garrison + texting au. For the Klance Zine!

let me melt under the heat of your sun by akaeijis, esbis (24k, T)  ❤❤❤

He begins to seek Keith out in a crowd without meaning to. Eyes occasionally following him like they were magnetized, looking for the familiar waves that barely brush the high uniform collars. He looks for dark hair and dark eyes, crossed arms and a silent frown, stark against the sea of enthusiastic, starry-eyed cadets.

He feels drawn to him.

(Or, Lance falls in love with Keith during the time they spent together at the Garrison.)

((note: this is my favorite fic in this fandom it’s so beautifully written oh my gdo))

A Light in the Dark by usernicole (19k, T)  ❤❤❤

Far away from his friends at the castle, Keith's only way of communicating with them is a battered old phone. This is maybe going to be harder than he thought.

A long-distance, friends-to-lovers fic, set during season four.

Love and Other Questions by squirenonny (113k, T)

One week after news of the Kerberos disaster broke, Pidge receives a new Mark--proof that Matt is still alive. She breaks into the Garrison to find him, only to find herself caught up in the fight for the fate of the universe.

Keith keeps his arms covered so he doesn't have to watch Shiro's scars compounding on his skin--but doing so means cutting off contact with his romantic soulmate, who greets him each morning with a new (and terrible) pickup line.

Shiro and Matt thought they were the luckiest people alive when they found out they were going to Kerberos together. But Shiro hasn't seen Matt's untidy scrawl on his arm in almost a year, and he has no idea if his soulmate is even still alive.

[Canonverse Soulmate AU with romantic and platonic soulmates (and some gray areas in between)]

the meaning of donuts by Katranga (14k, T)

The next few days were filled with Lance informing everyone, multiple times, of their “new” friendship. “We’re friends now, did you hear? Keith and I are friends.” Over and over, big smile, loud voice. Looking between Keith and whoever he was telling like he expected a round of applause. Or confetti. Or a parade. What he usually got was somebody making a crack about bonding moments, which prompted a tight, put-upon sigh on Keith’s end. And Lance would look at him fondly, and Keith would have to bite his cheek to distract himself from how much he wanted Lance to lean over and kiss him. --

Keith realizes he may, potentially, possibly have some feelings for a certain blue paladin and he is Not Thrilled about it.

A Memory Like a Snapshot by MemeKonVLD (10k, T)

Pidge is still close —closer than is entirely comfortable if he has to be honest— giving him an evaluating glance. Lance doesn’t really know where to look, other than up her nose— but that grows old pretty fast. So he looks at himself in the reflection of her glasses. And squints.

He touches his own face for the first time since waking up— and feels the roughness of his chin.

“I have stubble,” he says, and the words are as alarmed as they can be even though they still sound slightly slurred, slightly off.

Pidge blinks a couple of times at him, and finally retracts into a more comfortable distance.

“Well, yeah,” she says. “You are like, what? 22? 23 in a couple of months?”

“I’m feeling— I’m feeling a little queasy,” he says then, with bright spots of color dancing in front of his eyes as he thinks 22.

Suddenly, a bucket gets shoved against his face. He takes hold of it with clammy fingers and he leans on his side so he can... use it. Thoroughly.

“I’m having Garrison flashbacks,” he hears Pidge say.

(Or: Lance is stung by an alien bug, loses his memories temporarily and makes assumptions about his and Keith's relationship. Also, Pidge cheats at Uno.)

My Youth is Yours by MilkTeaMiku (29k, G)

An unforseen blast in the middle of a battle de-ages Lance into a child for a week.

Keith does not understand babies.

No Greater Gift by usernicole (20k, T)  ❤

Keith gets a cat, learns the True Meaning of Family, and falls in love. In that order.

Of Escorts and Espionage by hisboywriter (95k, Not Rated)  ❤

Lance preened. Escort? That sounded kind of sexy and badass. “Why, of course, Princess,” he said, standing up to offer his hand at Allura. “I would escort you to the most Galra-infested reaches of the galaxy if you asked.”

Allura’s arm rose but the hand she placed in Lance’s palm was not hers.

It was Keith’s. ~

AKA I just really wanted klance blossoming through an adventure

open your arms to me by aknightley (17k, T)  ❤

Lance quickly finds Keith’s communication signal and hits call.

A few seconds later, he realizes what he’s just done, panics, and immediately slams the 'end call' button.

“Shit!” he hisses through his teeth, throwing the tablet on the bed and recoiling away from it like it’s a poisonous snake rather than innocent alien technology. Its screen goes blank again, wiped clean the way he wishes his impulsive action could be. “What am I doing?”

Premonition by CamelotQueen (22k, T)

It starts with a strange message from Lance, then goes downhill from there.

Keith finds himself trapped between two realities: one where Lance is alive, and one where he is not.

Purple Sky by AmbitiousSkyChild (72k, Not Rated)

Fondly, Keith shook his head. “So,” Keith started, laughter dying down as he leaned over Lance. “Cuba together?”

And Lance beamed – outright beamed – up at him as he pulled him down against his chest. “You bet your sweet ass, Cuba together.”

Keith, rash as he could often be, understood that his responsibility as a paladin of Voltron was to the universe. So, he understood that despite what they felt, he and Lance couldn't be anything other than paladins, at least until the war was over.

After nine years of rivalry, turned pining, turned something just shy of lovers, the war is over. The paladins are headed to Earth, Lance isn't wasting any time, and Keith, as much as he loves a challenge, just tries to keep up.

Run into the Bright Lights by peanutbutterapple (36k, T)

Keith was pretty sure his heart was going to explode out of his chest and if he didn’t do something about it, things were going to get bloodier than they already were.

Keith accidentally tells Lance his feelings on April Fool's Day, and Lance really knows how to take a joke.

‘Shiro and Keith’s Kickass Fighting Techniques’ by Lance MClain by skystiel (11k, T)

'And, really, it’s a pretty brilliant idea. Until Shiro’s Kickass Fighting Techniques quickly becomes Shiro and Keith’s Kickass Fighting Techniques.

That’s when things start going downhill.

Because soon enough, the bulleted list consists of more than just fighting techniques.'

or: Lance starts with one role model and ends up with two, a myriad of confusing emotions, and a notebook filled with condemning evidence which Hunk must never see

so what are you waiting for by saltylances (6k, T)

Lance swallows. He tries to refocus his attention on the slight prickling of his wound instead of the proximity of Keith’s face.

“Y’know. The suit. It doesn’t look like you ever get out of it. What do you wear to bed when you’re at the base, anyway? Some purple Marmorian jammies with little blades printed on them?”

Keith pulls a face. “What does my outfit when I go to bed there have to do with anything?”

“Holy quiznak!” Lance barks out a laugh. “You totally go to sleep in the suit, don’t you?”

“What? No – I – Lance, shut up!”

so why don’t we fall by aknightley (8k, E)

Five times Lance used a pet name for Keith, and one time Keith used one for Lance.

Keith has no basis for having a relationship with someone, so he's trying to follow Lance's lead.

something slow, something good by hiuythn (9k, T)

They fall together in increments, like the shifting of glaciers, of mountains strong and true. They fall in together, and it's inevitable.

--- Keith lands half on him and half on Red, laughing unrestrainedly. There’s fruit stains all over his mouth and chin and more on his hands and shirt, and Lance can feel the stickiness catch on his hair where Keith’s buried his fingers into.

the stars are bound to change by angstinspace (50k, T)  ❤

Both paladins turned to their new, small alien companion. She lifted her head to look at each of them in turn, her eyes round. Keith laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“How about you, Zola?” he said. “Are you ready to go?”

She didn’t answer right away. Then she hesitantly asked, “Where are we going?”

As he made eye contact with Lance over her head, Keith could have sworn he felt something electric in the air: a simultaneous resurgence of determination.

“We’re going to take you home.”

Keith and Lance rescue a little alien girl from a hostage situation and bring her home ... and learn a few things about themselves and each other along the way.

Sweet Quiznak by CheckeredCloth (6k, T)

"You're really into him," Hunk mutters, and wow, Lance's face is on fire. Hunk is killing him.

"Look, read into how you like, Freud, just make sure that if I die Keith knows I totally would've mowed his ass like grass. That way, I can laugh hysterically at his emotionally-constipated expression from the afterlife."

Or: Lance is badly injured and has a few skeletons in his closet. Or maybe just the one.

time out of mind by aknightley (27k, T)

Keith and Lance wake up married. In the future.

He lays there a moment, processing the faint throbbing in his head, a strange bitter taste like lemons in his mouth. When he opens his eyes, the room spins wildly into a kaleidoscope of colors, so he closes them again, breathing in and out until he feels less like he might throw up. He suddenly registers a warm weight over his waist, and lifts his head to see a brown arm thrown over him. It looks startlingly familiar, but different, bigger than he remembers, more toned.

Keith turns all the way around and comes face to face with Lance sleepily blinking his own eyes open.

Today, anew by MemeKonVLD (5k, M)

“Lance.”

Lance’s eyebrows furrow in concern for a second before his whole face goes gentle and open.

“Hey buddy, everything okay?”

Keith nods. Then shakes his head, then opens his mouth to let out a noisy sob before he’s hugging the air out of Lance, grip vise tight.

Lance hugs him back. That’s one of the great things about him— he doesn’t— he doesn’t need explanations for things like this. He doesn’t make Keith jump through hoops, the way other people might— he’s just— he just knows what Keith needs in times like this. No façades, no posturing.

(Or: the one where Keith is trapped in a time loop. A time loop from hell.)

you anchor me back down by aknightley (5k, T)

Five missing moments, and a moment that hasn't happened yet.

"Okay," Lance says doubtfully, "Just wanted to check. This has been..." He pauses, looking deeply at Keith for a moment. Keith stares back, trying to fit this boy into his memory, trying to figure out why the curve of his mouth is so familiar, why his voice leaves something itching at the back of Keith's throat. "A really weird day," Lance finishes finally, and looks away from Keith at the moon.

WIP

Antidote by salineshots (53k (8/?), E)

Based very loosely off of @eyugho's lovebug AU, which I love more than anything?? Thanks to them for starting this wonderful AU!

Keith's bitten by a lovebug, but this one doesn't make him all cuddly. Instead, every moment he spends away from Lance is physically painful for him, and every moment he spends touching him is really, really nice. That's frustrating enough already without Keith having to hide his massive crush.

Lance just wants to help, but he knows that Keith doesn't like to be touched. Also hiding a massive crush, because these two are horrible at communication.

I Was Born a Lion by spectralPHOBIA (15/?, G)

After Keith discovers he is part Galra and Red lion rejects him, there's only one way he can make himself useful: to join Galra and try to wreck them from the inside, while figuring out a relationship with a guy who turns out to be his biological father.

A comic about one stubborn man’s self-discovery, the challenges of spying, everyone in team Voltron being BAMF, and the universe that needs saving, as usual.

((note: this is a (brilliant and beautiful) comic! it’s tagged as klance, but as of now, it’s keith-centric))

in your shoes by lydiamartin (42k (10/?), T)

Hollywood did not prepare him for waking up in the body of a complete stranger.

Keith tried not to stare at this person’s junk in the full-body mirror. He did not know them, and no matter what Pidge might say, just because he’s Texan it doesn’t mean he was raised in a fucking barn like a savage. He would not act like a savage.

(Or, the one where Keith and Lance live in different cities but swap bodies – and angry love notes – multiple times a week.)

Live. Die. Repeat. by greenteafiend (42k (5/?), M)

On the day of the arrival Keith is forced to watch as a mysterious monster slaughters first Shiro, and then his classmates from the Garrison, one by one. It kills him too, but not before he manages to wound it grievously.

And then he wakes up back in bed that morning, alive and unharmed.

aka Keith is stuck in a time-loop and every time he dies, the day resets.

Moonset Deep by MilkTeaMiku (72k (29/?), T)

All his life he’d been told to make sure he was never seen – it was what all the children were taught from the moment they were born. Never let a human see you, never fall in love with a human, and most importantly, never kiss one.

For Lance, humans were a mystery. He'd lived beneath the surface of the ocean with his shoal his entire life, and had intended to remain there. He knew the danger humans posed to his kind, and what would happen if he came close to one. That's why, when he found one drowning, his first instinct was to save him.

He'd never been good at following the rules anyway.

red skies by angstinspace (18k (2/?), T)

Lance clambered up the sliding pile of garbage––scraps of metal and glass that cut into his palms and crunched underneath his boots.

A strange, inescapable feeling pulsed in his chest. Maybe he was imagining it, but he could have sworn his talisman was burning hot against his skin beneath his shirt, tugging him forward with a magnetic force.

Lance doesn't know where he comes from––only that he was found in a forest on a distant planet when he was an infant, with no sign of his origin except a blue talisman around his neck. Nowadays he's content to travel the universe with his best friend Hunk, scavenging and selling goods. But that all changes when a girl named Pidge hitches a ride with them, and in the same day the trio finds a crashed ship carrying nothing but a boy with no memory of who he is ... and a red talisman that matches Lance's.

The Shattering of Altea by YouAreInAComaWakeUp (100k (22/?), T)

Altea is a world of dragons, magic, and, until recently, war.

It's also entirely fictional.

When Lance put on his VR headset, he fully expected everything he experienced from that point on to be false.

But his feelings for the kill-stealing jerk in red armor couldn't be more real.

[raeofalbion]

Writing Pet Peeves

Someone asked about this a while back—the ask is gone but I think I’m ready to give my opinion on this. I wasn’t sure if they meant writing pet peeves as a writer or writing pet peeves as a reader, so I’m going to separate this into two sections and try to answer to the best of my ability. If you‘re easily angered by people bitching about things that annoy them, you might not want to read this. Also, as a disclaimer, I will not be calling anyone out by name. Just because that’s not how I do things. I might curse a bit, though. It’s also really long, so look under the cut.

Writing Pet Peeves As A Writer (in no particular order)

- When The Words Won’t Do The Thing

I’m pretty sure every writer has dealt with this. You’ve got this beautiful, perfect scene in your head and everything down to the last detail is perfect and you can picture it and you know it’s within your ability to write…and the words suddenly don’t come out right. They just…aren’t correct. The feeling’s gone and the details are off and nothing is coming out like it’s supposed to. You still have this perfect picture of the scene in your head, but it won’t come out into your paper. Why won’t you do the thing, words? What is your problem? Why have you forsaken me? WOOOOOOOOOOORDDDS?!?!?!

- Asshole Readers (Most Of Which You’re Not Allowed To Call Assholes Without Losing A Reader)

I feel like asshole readers fall into two categories and both are a pain for different reasons and I’ve got stories to go along with both.

So, first category: the outright asshole. I don’t mean the trolls who get off on being a dick, I mean the ones come at you, spouting venom, and acting like all their hateful words are supposed to, somehow, “help” you. For instance, waaaaay back (like 6 years ago) when I posted the first, not very good, draft of MoI I got a PM from a guy who had read through chapter 14 (about 60,000 words) and said “I’ve read through what you have posted and I feel like I wasted my time because you’re not putting any sex in. This is really bad. If you don’t have any sex in the story, it’s not a good story. Your writing would be so much better with sex in it. You should write a story with me because I write great sex scenes and you’ll learn something.” -very deep sigh- I could rant for hours about this guy, and how his response to my “thanks but no thanks” was even worse, but I will spare all of you from it. This, paraphrased as it is, speaks for itself I think. Please keep in mind that that draft was only on FFN…which doesn’t allow explicit smut and will delete fics with detailed making out. Now allow the soul crushing “you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me” feeling to grow. Please.

Second category: the “I’m not sure if you are purposefully being an asshole or not” asshole. This reader approaches as a fan, seems delighted to be in touch with you, and then…something happens. And you’re not certain if it’s a calculated thing or if they were just careless with their words and you’re over invested in your work, but it fucks you up nonetheless and, every time you think about it, it upsets you again. Usually, this seems to happen with readers being like “have you considered writing -insert thing here-? I think you’d be really good at it” and you consider it and decide “yeah, this would be fun to write”. So you write the fic, you post it, you tell the person “hey, I wrote the thing you suggested” and they just…never get back to you? Ever? And, if the fic is pretty niche and not something a lot of people are interested in, that kinda makes it even worse? Because, now, you’ve got this fic hanging around that no one likes and was written for a ghost that might exist but maybe you dreamed the entire fucking convo and now what the hell do you do with it? Was it intentional? Was it not? This is like conspiracy theory level paranoia-inducing stuff.

Continuing on from the second one, just…watch your words when you’re talking about a writer’s work. You might not have meant to insult my work, but I cannot read your thoughts through a computer screen. A while back I was approached about MoI (that fic has so many crazy stories attached to it) and, as anyone who has read it knows: the pair is a bi dude and a bi chick and they are bad at emotions. So this reader and I are chatting and they’re really nice and we end up chatting on and off for over a week…and then I bring up that I’m really proud of myself for recently getting better at writing romance and displaying it physically, which will be really useful in the fic’s sequels…to which they replied “well, I’m gay so I don’t care about stuff like that LOL” and changed the subject. Maybe it was a joke? Maybe it was a “I’m just reading for the story and not the romance”? But it really bothered me. This is gonna sound dumb, but I think about it almost every day and it’s been about a year since then. And every time someone reads without commenting or without liking it or I post something for someone that gets ignored, all I can think of is “I don’t care”. I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me or to be dramatic, just to warn you: never tell a writer—or anyone with a very specific interest that means a lot to them—that you don’t care. Even as a joke. It’s cruel and that’s the one thing that will stick with them even if they meet other people who love their writing or the thing they’re interested in. Anytime they’re snubbed or someone reacts unenthusiastically, all they will think is that it’s another person saying “I don’t care”. And, if they already have a hard time trusting people, this is going to fuck up relationships with other people, too. Just…think before you say something. You don’t know what harm you could do by being careless.

- Lying About Fic Trades

Usually, when you think of a fic trade, you think of two writers writing something for each other, but there is another kind, as well. This is when two writers like each other’s work and really need an outside opinion on their work and so they swap fics with the purpose of the other looking for errors and things to fix to help each other out. And this is what I’m referring to. When people are honest about wanting to do them, it’s really nice. You both get interesting opinions and thoughts you might not usually get if you only have one usual beta reader (like me). What pisses me off is when people claim to want to do this, but really have no intention of reading your work and are just using you as a beta reader. What’s funny is, I love beta reading and will totally help you out if you’re up front about what you want and I have time. You don’t have to lie to me and make me no longer want to be your friend just because you didn’t feel comfortable asking for editing help.

- Review/Like Karma

I just…really don’t like when people come up to me and are like “I reviewed and faved your fic five seconds ago so why haven’t you done the same for me yet?” Chances are, if you give me a fave/kudos and/or a review, I will immediately check out your profile to both see what fics you have and if you have anything interesting in your favourites. If one of your fics catches my eye, I’ll read it and react as I feel is appropriate. You don’t need to harass me into reading your story. If I’ve read it and am not responding, it’s because I’m not into it and I don’t want to be rude OR I don’t have the spoons for interaction today. If you harass me, 90% chance I will not read your fics unless by accident. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Don’t be a dick.

- “Do You Have A Book Done Yet? One Of You Own Ideas?  When Are You Going To Get Published And Be Like JK Rowling?”

Okay, I lied, I am calling someone out by name: I’m calling out my entire immediate family (with the exception of one person, who’s on Tumblr, and doesn’t do this). That up there are direct quotes. I get these at least once a month, mostly from my immediate family and it is one of the worst feelings? I always have a lot of projects going on because I can’t stand to be not working on something. So the constant “are you finished with something? Are you gonna get published soon?” is really stressful. Like…how am I supposed to keep a level head and put out a good product if I’m sitting here, feeling like a failure and like I’m disappointing people for not getting published? My relationship with my original stories are really rocky. I can’t just work on them if I’m not in the right headspace…how the fuck am I supposed to get there if I’m sitting there stressed about not just being published but being successfully published? First off, JK Rowling’s dividends are an outlier, not the norm. Most writers live below the poverty line because 1) you get very little from being published unless you are very, very lucky and 2) people seem to think it’s okay to pirate books instead of buying them which is literally killing well established series. Yes, folks, it’s not publishers killing long-standing series, it’s dicks who think “stealing is acceptable because I can’t afford this luxury item at this second and I declare that I should have it so fuck the creator getting the money they need to live”. Secondly, “one of your own ideas” is quite possibly the worst way to describe original fiction. You think I didn’t sit here, plotting out every fucking chapter of this novel-length fanfic? You think this isn’t my story, my baby, my writing, my ideas? GTFO. Get out of my house. Unfollow me now. I work on this fanfic more than most writers work on their originals in one day. This is my story as much as any original story is. You do not get to disrespect my work just because someone else wrote the original world first. I am done with this bullshit.

Anyway. Moving on before I start challenging people to fights….

Writing Pet Peeves As A Reader (in order from least to worst)

- Sloppiness

I’m sure someone’s going to read that and be like “Rae, wtf? That’s rude” but I don’t mean “you’ve worked on this fic for months and have 1 (one) typo in 30k words and now I will never read your work again”. I mean, like,  “you worked on this chapter for an hour, didn’t spell check it, the paragraphs are all smooshed together so no one can read a damn thing, and there isn’t a single consistent detail in this entire fic”. Usually, I’m very forgiving when it comes to errors (unless I’m editing them), but…like…please run this through spell checker? Check to make sure your paragraphs are spaced apart? Do not post 5 minutes after you finished writing the chapter? Seriously, the best thing you can do for a story after finishing it is to set it aside for a while and not touch it. You’ll pick up all the stuff you learned from writing the later bits and be able to make the earlier chapters look lovely will make the readers happy.

(Note: I’m only aiming this at people for whom English is their first language.)

- “This Thing Is Bad But I’m Gonna Write It Like It’s Good And No One Will Notice It’s Bad, Right?”

This happens so often and I just…ugh. It seems like the main theme people use in this is the “person A raped person B and person B got off so it wasn’t really rape” or “person A and person B barely know each other, person A tries to seduce person B and person B resists. Person A rapes them. Somehow this turns into a romance and they live happily ever after”. And the writer never addresses that this is not right. Never. This sends such a bad message to people. It’s telling people that “it’s okay if you’re raped, your rapist loves you and this wasn’t a traumatic experience at all because they did it because they love you so much”. This isn’t true. Writing about a terrible thing and not addressing how terrible it is doesn’t somehow make it a good thing. Nor does it take away the fact that someone was suffering and you ignored it.

- The Writer Is So Meek How Are They Posting This??? (Someone Get A Blankie And Something Nice To Drink And Give Them A Hug.)

This isn’t something that makes me mad at the writer, it makes me mad at their readers. I have met so many good writers who have been so badly bullied and cut down by their so-called fans that they are just…how do they have the willpower to post? Writers who are so talented, but are so afraid of going against a single thing their fans say that they never can reach their full potential because their readers won’t let them. How do you do that to a person? How can you act so abusive and not realise that your behaviour is toxic and oppressive? You’re hurting someone who just wants to make you happy and…for what? To have say over what they post? It’s disgusting. If you do this, you should be ashamed of yourself.

- That Point Where Greed And Lack Of Care For The Material Meet And Somehow Coalesced Into A Single Shitty Book

And now we reach the point where I will drop your story in a fuckin’ heart beat if you do this. This one is more common in published work based on other media (ie books for video games/movies). I hate, hate, buying a novel and realising, not even a chapter in, that the writer isn’t interested in their characters or the world or anything. The novel has the consistency problems I would usually be okay with forgiving in an online fic, but is presenting it snobbishly and makes it clearly known this is just a cheap grab for money they don’t even seem to want. No love for the writing, no interest in their work, and all I can think is: why are you writing this? You don’t want to be writing this any more than I want to be reading it. And the book is never good. Never. It’s just…bad all around.

- Pretentiousness And Assholery

Have you ever gone onto a fic that was really hyped and well-received and you were excited to read, only to realise the writer’s an elitist prick that is using the space intended for sharing their work to scream incoherently for pages about how much of a better writer they are than the canon writers and how they’re going to fix the canon writers’ fuck ups and “look at how great I am” that, by the time you got to the end of their pages of bitching and the beginning of their fic, you want to just throw your computer/phone/tablet out a window? And then you realise, at the bottom of the chapter, they have another author’s note of equal length? Better yet, have you ever looked up reviews for a novel only to see the writer screaming at fans in response to every negative review like a small child not getting the toy they wanted? Do yourselves a favour: don’t bother with these people. They are the absolute worst and don’t give a fuck about anything but their ego and how much you can boost it. They aren’t worth it. I have dropped so many writers for this, it’s not even funny. It’s one of the few things I just...can’t separate the writer and their work over.

Bonus: Censorship From The Fans

I’m going to preface this by, once again, stating that censorship does not include wanting things to be tagged correctly. Censorship is someone with power saying “I don’t like this thing and no one else should, either”. Censorship of literature is anyone with any kind of power (and, if you have followers on social media you are in this group) saying “I don’t like this book because I: a) don’t agree with its message, b) don’t like the writer, or c) didn’t read it but thought the summary sounded sketchy and am deciding I know more than the writer. And, any one of you that reads this or enjoys this is to be shamed and humiliated and abused along with the writer for the rest of time.” Which, maybe you’re not saying word for word, but that’s essentially what you’re promoting. If you have a following, you have a large group of people that is looking to you. How you act influences them. If you sit here, shaming people for their books, then you are an asshole. If you projecting to your followers that they should shame everyone who likes that book, you are even worse. What you post, what you write, what you encourage others to do, that is on your hands. You are responsible for any harm that comes from that. And censoring media to the point where people are receiving death threats over it is disgusting. And if that shit’s being started because you started it, you need to stop and take a look at yourself. No one should be getting death threats over a fucking book. (If you’re interested in seeing a video relating to this topic, you might want to look here: Link )

Thank you for listening to me ramble, to anyone who has made it this far. If you have any thoughts, anything you want to add or debate, feel free to respond. Thanks for your time.

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: A Lack of Armor

Last week, we held our first AMA in the discord chat with @amberlehcar​, @peregr1ne​ and @thesockswhowearsfox​, where lots of people stopped in to ask about their work on A Lack of Armor! Here’s some of what went down:

Q: Amber, could you take me through your process of conceiving/planning out this fic? What inspired it originally?

AmberLehcar: Oh man okay, so there was a post floating around that was like "I headcanon Soul as trans and here's why" and I just really dug it. 

Peregrine: Wait, was it mine? 

AmberLehcar: I don't remember who it was, but they said things like him being hypermasculine to appear more "manly." 

Peregrine: I did say that in mine. That's crazy. 

AmberLehcar: This was supposed to be for last year's Resbang, so I've kinda forgotten exactly what was all there, but it probably was yours.

Q: So what you are saying is that you and Pere were destined to work together?

AmberLehcar: Pere claimed me last year too! I had to back out after fic claims because life was becoming too much. 

 Peregrine: I mean you did come to me before that. 

AmberLehcar: I did ask Pere a lot of questions. I'm cis/het, so I had a lot to learn and was really lucky that Pere was open and willing to teach me along with being an overall great partner. 

Peregrine: I tried my best ^^; It's not like it was hard, just talking about myself pfft.

AmberLehcar: It was helpful though! 

Peregrine: I'm glad it was. Was there more you wanted to say about the process? 

AmberLehcar: I did a ton of research and was really invested in it. I see a lot of posts about the lack of representation for the LGBT+ community and really felt like I wanted to add. 

Peregrine: Yeah, lack of representation really gets to me, especially because what representation there is is highly fetishized and honestly i'd rather have no rep than fetish rep.

Q: For all parties involved, where/how do you feel like you grew the most during this Resbang?

Peregrine: This was my first event where I did more than one fic, so working through that was hard, but I'm glad I did because I really wanted both. 

AmberLehcar: I think when I've written in the past, I've been really "this happened then this happened" etc. It was a lot more introspective this time around, so I focused a lot more on the feelings of the characters and evoking feelings in the reader. When I tried to enter this last year, I got to like 6k words but really struggled to get there. With a new direction, I got to 30k fairly easily. 

Sox: Well, it was my first Resbang and the first song I'd written since I was....18 I think. Just managing to write and record the song was a lot of growth for me.

Q: Amber, I am always interested in fic titles. Did you come up with the title of your fic beforehand, or did it develop as the story was created?

AmberLehcar: Okay, so I take all my chapter and fic titles from songs or lyrics. But A Lack of Armor made perfect sense to me because of my therapy. A few times in therapy we'd talked about putting on armor that was representative of support and good things in my life. The song "A Lack of Armor" has a line that says "like a knight without his armor I don't know who I am" and this all kinda spoke to me and fit really well with Soul and his depression/anxiety. I came up with the idea pretty much from the start and it's been with me since.

Q: You said it was a Motion City Soundtrack song, right?

AmberLehcar: All the chapter titles are from MCS songs, because I am trash lol. But they sorta go with the mood of each chapter if you go back and look at them. 

Sox: Can confirm Amber is MCS trash.

Q: There's a sick playlist somewhere right?

AmberLehcar: I do have a playlist! https://open.spotify.com/user/1266385830/playlist/3xN37XwvUGsVqZNuhpRtng

Q: Most of the time it seems the usual characterization for the Evans fam is for Soul's father to be the 'worse' parent, either that or both of them being equally bad. (At least that's my view.) So I am wondering: was your decision to make Soul's dad the more accepting one an intentional subversion or did it just happen? 

AmberLehcar: It just sorta happened? I am not a Mama Albarn fan. Aside from Marie, there are no good mamas in the series, so I just kinda went with that. 

Sox: Blair begs your pardon. 

[insert chorus of screaming about everyone's love for Blair] 

AmberLehcar: Blair takes such good care of her kittens. Okay I lied, Blair and Marie are good. But yeah, I didn't want him to have absolutely no support from parents, and someone had to have taught Wes to be a good person. So Papa Evans eventually came around. 

Q: For Pere: was there a scene that you knew immediately you wanted to illustrate and/or was it difficult to choose scenes to draw? 

Peregrine: I definitely wanted to draw the first hug scene when I read it, when Maka was accepting, because the feelies. And then later Amber had mentioned how there was going to be a scene where soul plays his song for Maka, and I knew I really wanted to draw that too, but it wasn't written yet, so I asked her to describe the scene more for me in advance so i could draw it. She didn't have a solid idea though, so some stuff I made up, and she wrote the scene to fit my picture later actually ^^; 

AmberLehcar: Your art definitely helped flesh out the scene there, thank you. 

Sox: I love when Pete draws things. 

Sox: *Pere 

[Lots of people yelling about Pete] 

Sox: God damn it. 

Peregrine: The first pic with the hair I also just thought would be cute to draw, and then just for visual concepts, I wanted to draw the different stages of Soul as a bonus even if they didn't actually ever appear in the story ^^; 

AmberLehcar: That first pic with the hair cutting is probably my favorite. I love them all, but that just made my heart flutter. 

Q: Sox I have sort of the same question for you, did certain scenes inspire certain lyrics? 

Sox: Uhhhh no not so much. I tried to write around the Mood of the fic and I talked to a local Atlanta musician about her experiences being trans with a bad family as a kid and tried to fit those to where Amber had Soul coming from. (Originally I was trying to write a SoMa Romance song but then... it came out as a Self Love Fuck you Mom song). 

AmberLehcar: I'm glad it changed. At some point when writing I realized the fic was more focused on their relationship than him, so I tried to change it up. I'm glad the song evolved that way too. After I got one of the last drafts of the song, I included it in chapter 8 in case people were wondering. 

Q: For Amber: what made you want to put Kim as Soul's neighbor out of any other character? What made you want to do the neighbor sub plot in the first place? 

AmberLehcar: Representation mostly. I love me some JacKim and thought that having a grump next door that Soul ends up kinda befriending and/or helping would be interesting. Kim was kinda a weird facet for me to write through. As someone who feels everything 110%, being in love can be kinda scary sometimes, so her thoughts on love are pretty darn close to my own: wanting to love someone wholeheartedly but being afraid of exactly how deeply you can really love someone. 

Sox: I FEEL. 

Q: There's a scene where they're watching a Youtube video. Is that video significant to you in some way, Amber? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wWBLbQInqk) 

AmberLehcar: Not at all. I was talking with Brian about assignments for the first day of class, and he mentioned he had to do that exact assignment and chose that exact video. The song's not bad and the video is... interesting? 

Q: For Pere: What program do you use and whats your general process for art? 

Peregrine: I use FireAlpaca because it's free lol. I usually do like, a base sketch that's really scribbly and focuses on like motion lines, if that makes sense. And then i decrease the opacity of that one and draw the actual lineart on a different layer on top, and then colour. Very rarely I'll keep drawing on the base sketch and just clean it a little but that's mostly for more actiony gestural stuff, or highly detailed things where I'm not bothered about solid lineart. 

Q: How long-ish did each of your drawings take? Do you tend to draw faster when you're feeling inspired, do you have a creative process or anything? 

Peregrine: Ah, I never know what to say when someone asks how long it takes, because it varies so much. But yeah, usually a drawing will take a few days if it's something average and not like the fricking Pacific Rim art I did way back when, which took like a month. I can do most pieces in a day if i'm properly inspired but it's like: yes, I can get this done in only a few hours, but those are completely straight drawing hours - no food or bathroom breaks or chit chats to be had. Honestly the longest part of the drawing process is actually the sketchy first part because I need to plan it out perfectly until i can see the end product in my head and then i can start actually working, and that can take weeks. 

[insert group yelling about how great Pere's art is] 

AmberLehcar: The boys brought me to literal tears every time they updated me. 

Sox: Lies. 

AmberLehcar: EVERY TIME. 

Peregrine: I spent 5 hours drawing Soul's hair even though I finished the entire rest of the picture in 2. 

Sox: I just had a mental image of Pere screaming the lyrics to Maroon 5's "Misery" while drawing. 

Peregrine: That's me. 

Q: For Amber: what were your easiest/hardest scenes to write & why?? Were there any that were easier/trickier to write than you expected? Bonus: favorite scene to write? 

AmberLehcar: All of chapter 4 is crap and I'll fight anyone who disagrees with me. For some reason writing just general happy, normal life was really hard. The pain though, that was kiddy stuff. The first full scene I wrote was Soul's accidental confession. The idea just messed me up and I couldn't stop writing until it was all done. It's probably my favorite scene too, followed closely by Maka's acceptance. 

Q: You super did not write linearly. That's so cool, I have to go in order. 

AmberLehcar: No, I rarely do. 

Peregrine: Man it was kind of tough reading your drafts, tbh. 

Sox: SAME PERE 

AmberLehcar: I'm so sorry!! 

Sox: "How am I gonna write a song none of this is in order" XD 

AmberLehcar: I need to give people an instruction manual for how to read my WIPs. 

Peregrine: There were so many scenes that were like, great scenes on their own, but then I'm like wait, how did we get from point A to point ? Also, reading updates was hard because everyone else I've fic'd with was like 'oh just scroll down to wear you last read' but in this fic it was like... I know something was added... but where tho... 

Sox: Slide to the left 

Sox: Slide to the right 

AmberLehcar: Never beta for me, it's a nightmare. 

AmberLehcar: (That's a lie, please always beta for me, I need all the help I can get.) 

Sox: Yeah but working with you is a dream tbh. 

AmberLehcar: The nice thing about not writing linearly is that I could really easily work with my partners to add in ideas they had. I don't know that it was easy for them, but making it more of a collab that way was really neat for me. 

Q: Do you outline everything out beforehand? 

AmberLehcar: As much as I can. I derail if I don't.

Q: AmberLehcar, how did you decided where to put scenes/order them? 

AmberLehcar: I have an outline template I wrote up based on a youtuber's outlining method! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eP73LMnphqEUn20mKd78_EB_qPlbXjklvkXLknxl5R0/edit?usp=sharing. This is the outline that I've been using recently, it's been really helpful. You guys are welcome to use it! 

Q: Amber, would you say this outlining method helped? Just in comparison to past fics etc. 

AmberLehcar: Definitely. I have so many incomplete fics simply because I didn't outline or didn't outline enough. 

Q: So was the end planned? That is the hardest part for me. 

AmberLehcar: More or less. It definitely changed a lot. I don't have any versions of the original ending, and there's still stuff from the finished product I don't remember because I literally finished at 3 a.m. the day of posting. I always have a very clear image of how the opening to any chapter or fic goes, but the end is always weird. 

Q: Do you remember anything from the first version? How'd they differ? 

AmberLehcar: I know the first half was a little different at the start of Resbang last year, but I have the worst memory... There was definitely supposed to be more NB Crona. Crona was supposed to be kinda the comic relief, making comments about their computer sciences classes that Soul does not understand. They named their laptop Nora and talk about it like it's a person. "Sometimes when Nora doesn't do what I want, I have to hit her" or something like that, make Soul concerned for this poor child. The "octagonal day" joke made it to the final cut. I think there was a scene at the end where Crona and Soul were supposed to be good friends after the "there's 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't." Because it's a math joke and a binary joke.

Sox: Amber Sox: Is Sox: A Sox: NERD 

Q: What was the funnest part of the fic for you to write, Amber? Or the part you were looking forward to the most? 

AmberLehcar: Writing Black Star was fun. There's a few one liners that I love. My favorite bit is when Maka asks for his name and the next bit is "Nervous. Stupid. Sweating." I needed that smooch like life itself. I played with them kissing when Maka apologizes and they made up, but it didn't feel right. So I saved a sweet normal smooch for the end scene. 

Sox: I literally cackled out loud on a train reading "no party like a floor meeting party because a floor meeting party is MANDATORY." 

AmberLehcar: That was one of my other fave lines. My goals for the fic were representation, make it as realistic as possible, and make people feel things. I like to think I did a good job? 

Sox: You accomplished all. 

Peregrine: Man the parents thing hit me so hard, you did a good job. 

Q: I'd love to hear about your process/writing rituals? 

AmberLehcar: When it was a scene I was particularly excited to write or just suddenly inspired, I can just sit and write. But most of the time it's me sitting at the computer with tea asking myself why I do this to myself and then I just make myself write. 

Q: Is there anything else you wanted to add other than more NB Crona, Amber? 

AmberLehcar: When Pere showed me art of Soul's physical progression, I kinda wanted an epilogue of Soul post surgery, but time and lack of confidence in writing it well... I don't think anyone understands exactly how nervous I was to write this. I waffled a while with "you have no business writing this, you are cis, please stop." 

Peregrine: Nooo it's cool because you asked. I definitely didn't think I could write trans Soul but I hoped someone would, if they asked and did it right. Which you did. 

Sox: One of my close friends is trans, and when I sent him Eden, I thought he was going to tell me he hated me. And then he didn't and I was v relieved. 

AmberLehcar: I definitely wanted to be as respectful and real as possible. Again, representation matters, and I wanted to help create a thing I hadn't seen done in our fandom. 

Sox: You did good. 

AmberLehcar: I'm really glad. I stalked the boys' tags on their work along with my own, and someone had reblogged Pere's art and was really grateful for trans Soul. I was glad to be a part of that. 

Q: Did you make any playlists or anything like that to get into the writing mood? Or headspace of a character? 

AmberLehcar: For headspace, Soul and I are very similar. I too am a bag of anxiety and depression trying to pass as a human. A lot of my college and therapy experience went into the fic. There's little bits of me in pretty much everyone. 

Peregrine: I have my trans boy song i listened to a lot pfft. It's from Treasure Planet. 

Q: Ooo which song Pere? 

Peregrine: I'm Still Here. If you look at it through a trans lens its super fitting. It's like my fave song ever.

Some additional post-AMA discussion: 

Q: Amber, I think that's a sign of a good writer, to take from one's own experiences and such. 

AmberLehcar: Write what you know, right? And what you don't know, you find out. The whole experience definitely gave me a new appreciation for the LGBT+ community, that's for sure. I knew some stuff, but I learned so much. 

AmberLehcar: To go back and slightly change my answer for difficult scene to write, while all of ch4 was like swimming in syrup to get written, Mama Evans outburst was so difficult to write. There was just so much anger and I felt icky writing a lot of that chapter in general. Writing Maka having to purposely misgender him hurt. 

Peregrine: I really liked the parents thing actually even though i hated it. It felt raw and real. 

AmberLehcar: So much pain, the whole time I'm just like "why would I hurt my son like this???" 

Q: Noticed you guys were still talking and guh I loved your collective art/story!!! I now know the gap between dimensions can't be breached because if it could I'd have reached through the screen and force-choked Mama Evans. I was kind of mad at Maka too though like... I can understand that Soul needed some time to himself, away from her, to really figure things out, but ;-; 

AmberLehcar: Yes! Maka was an interesting situation to figure out. 

Peregrine: Yeah I loved what you did there actually, because as much as I wanted her to be perfect, she wasn't perfect. 

AmberLehcar: I didn't want her to just immediately come back like "sorry you startled me, let's get married." 

Peregrine: As much as I want people to immediately accept me, they don't, even if they do eventually. It wasn't fantasy perfect world, it was real world. 

Q: I think... that's good. At first I thought Maka would be more likely to start off rough around the edges and then end the story gracefully. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if you're going to relate realistic stories about trans people/anyone in a similar situation, you probably have to... I don't want to say "break the reader's heart" because that would imply that those stories can't have happy endings, which they can and should at least as often as any other kind of story, but it put me in Soul's shoes and made me accept how likely it is that someone who is trans/lgbt/otherwise oppressed will be badly hurt by someone they think the world of, someone who's hard to leave behind. I dunno if I spoke out of turn there, but i think it was an empathically-written story. In my inexperienced opinion. 

AmberLehcar: That's definitely what I was going for. I wanted Maka to be his closest friend, for his sake and for my shipping heart's sake. But she was just too good to be true when I was writing her, so her running away happened. I was so stuck after I wrote his confession, I didn't know how to have her react. But when I thought about some of the internalized transphobia I know I've been guilty of, it made sense to add for her. It felt real. 

Look out for some more transcripts, coming soon!! Thanks again to Amber, Pere and Sox for their awesome AMA <3

[mindfulrunner]

#54: daring greatly: mississauga race report

the seed: rebellious child

I have a sassy, rebellious, high-energy toddler and I am still at heart a sassy, rebellious, high-strung child. I signed up for the Mississauga full as an act of rebellion. He was sick, and I was covered in snot and tired out of my gourd, but I did it anyway.

I thought: f*** it. I tempted fate.

Even though I have a rebellious streak, I fear and respect the marathon, and situations and circumstances I fear and respect tend to bring out the best in me. So that f*** it was also a tiny prayer: may I dig, dig, dig. May I get the most out of myself. Inspired by the openness of Shalane Flanagan and Gwen Jorgensen, I also put out my ambitious, challenging, yet within reach goal: to PB and break 3:07.

training: the limiting factor

Training this cycle went well overall, except for a major limiting factor: illness. Elliot picked up virus after virus at daycare, and I seemed to get every single one, except they lasted twice as long for me, and instead of taking off sick days to rest and take care of myself, I took them off to take care of him. Between January and May, I was sick with three upper respiratory tract infections (URTI) the flu (first time getting this in many years), and 3 GI viruses (at least one of the GI bugs was food poisoning, I think). In previous cycles, I got URTIs a couple of times that lingered, I assume because I chose to train through them, as long as I didn’t have a fever and my energy levels were OK. This year, the first of these infections struck just one week after seeing my naturopathic doctor at the end of January and telling her my immunity was great. Figures.

I was sick, or caring for Elliot, pretty much all of February, and I was intensely frustrated. At the same time, I was wrapping up a huge 5-month project at work that was overdue, and trying to maintain some fitness, mostly by running easy. Typically, I would feel OK after easy runs, but then the day after a harder effort like a long run or workout, I’d feel worse, and ease off again. On two occasions I took longer stretches off – 3 or 4 days— but had a hard time taking a full week off, which is what I probably should’ve done. My issue was I have zero faith in my immune system, and didn’t quite believe I’d get totally better with that amount of time off, since even when I’m not training colds and infections often last well over a week. In February, I averaged just 60k a week, ran only one proper long run of 28k, and 3 workouts total. In my last marathon cycle, I averaged 100+, hit all my long runs and workouts.

I raced the Chilly half sick at the beginning of March, another questionable life choice, and somehow ran a PB. It felt very hard from 6k on, which was early for me to push, and it was the first time in a long time I questioned my ability to complete a race. I coughed for a good five minutes straight at the end uncontrollably. In that moment, I really regretted what I had just done and had no joy in the PB, assuming I would get pneumonia or something, and screw over my work and family even more. Going into it, I wasn’t even sure I was going to race, but when I began to pick up the pace, I got competitive, wanted the PB, and somehow performed beyond my fitness and circumstances. Getting 100% out of myself on race day, despite only having 70-80% in my training, became my focus going into the marathon. I also figured if I could run 90 minutes on pretty bad training, the equivalent of a 3:09 marathon, I had a very good shot of PBing and, on a good day, maybe even running in the low 3s.

I got lucky and oddly enough actually felt better after racing Chilly. In March I averaged 94k per week, and in April I averaged 94k again. However, I only ran 7 weeks over 80k, and 6 of those were over 90k. In the last marathon cycle, I ran 12 weeks over 90k. So my overall build was not, for me, high-mileage. Workouts went OK. I ran marathon pace tempos between 4:21 and 4:25 pace. 4:21 felt too hard and 4:23 began to feel like the sweet spot. I had some craptacular long runs and workouts, and I noticed that these were occurring during the high-hormone, mid-luteal phase of my menstrual cycle. That started to psych me out, as the marathon fell on the same day. For more info, check this out:

pre-race: zero chill workin’ mom

The week before the marathon, a colleague abruptly went on vacation, which added an unexpected amount of stress to my workweek. Jeff was on days, which meant I was responsible for both pick-ups and drop-offs to daycare, which was also a little challenging, since Elliot seemed to be going through a period of separation anxiety again: he literally wouldn’t let go of my hand at daycare, and it broke my heart to pry his little fingers off one by one. Major mom guilt.

Taking over my colleague’s duties meant I was responsible for a project with a noon deadline the Monday after the race. F*** THAT, I thought. I worked my butt off to get it finished up as best as I could by Friday, putting in a 13-hour day, and dealing with Elliot, who was still not doing great: really fussy and clingy. I did not even have the time or presence of mind to properly track my carbs that day, although I think I got in around 500g.

After an awful night in terms of sleep, stress, and— OK I’ll admit it— a piss-poor attitude on Friday, I was super grumpy and lazed around all day Saturday. Jeff brought Elliot in to the walk-in and it turned out he had a nasty ear infection, poor dude, so I was concerned about him as well and cancelled the post-race party at our house.  We called in reinforcements, and my mom agreed to come in the morning to watch him, so Jeff could still come to the race.

It was only at 5pm that I properly started getting my head into the race. I realized all my gels and nutrition contained caffeine, so I zipped to the Runner’s Shop for some non-caffeinated ones and also picked up a sweet pair of Goodr sunglasses since I wasn’t totally sure where my normal running ones were. Then I returned home and got my bag and clothes ready with Elliot. Instead of being in bed by 9 as I should’ve, I made a pace cheat sheet with my goal 5, 10, 15, half, 25, and 30k times, as well as directions for the final really tricky with a bunch of twists and turns. I wrote out the directions moreso to ease my anxiety about the course, which I practiced running the previous week. I don’t think I fell asleep until late, maybe midnight, and was up at 4:40 to scarf down my oats.

execute: PB or bust

My goal was to PB. I didn’t care if I blew up. And I was a bit greedy. I wanted to run 3:03-3:04. I wanted to be well within striking distance of a fall sub-3. I wanted to prove this was my distance, this is where I shine. No plan B.

the race: hello glycogen depletion my old friend

Morning of, the temperatures were looking a bit warmer than expected, so I got a little nervous. And as with the Ottawa Marathon, I couldn’t properly go to the bathroom which was so weird. I wonder if carb loading messes up my digestion?

My teammate picked me up and we drove the short 30 minutes to the finish line to take the shuttle to the start. We missed our exit, and I ended up not really listening to my pre-race visualization and jams properly. At the start, I changed and immediately lined up for the bathroom and again tried to go but couldn’t. I very briefly warmed up, just 1k with a few strides, before searching for my teammates, Jake and Gar, who were going to run a similar pace. The plan was to start out at 4:23, but Gar was quicker after a few kms, so Jake and I let him go. Neither Jake or I felt great from the outset. We both had a shin issue that migrated into a hip issue, and I my calf started to cramp at 5k. However, I stayed calm, if not positive, knowing that marathons are long and these things can majorly shift. I especially tried to take the downhills in a controlled way to avoid slapping and aggravating my shin again.

As usual, the GPS watch just provided a guesstimate. This guesswork does tend to add some mystery and suspense into the effort, as I’m never totally sure if I’m hitting my goal, even if the numbers say I am, and I usually try a bit harder just in case. However, feeling that Gar was a very controlled pacer, and wondering why he’d gone ahead when he’d only wanted 3:05, I grew concerned we were running too slow. Between 8-14 k there were a few faster kilometres: 4:15, 4:17, etc. At 14k, I pulled out my sheet with the split times and some older women spectating chirped, “You don’t need a map, honey”, but the sheet told me that we were running well under our goal pace, that Gar was fast, and not to worry about him and just do our own thing. 

From that point on, Jake and I took turns leading until about 24-25k when I was officially slowing and starting to feel pretty crappy and let him go.

I don’t fully remember why I was slowing, if it was just overall discomfort or a negative mindset, or if my calf or hip were bothering me more. But I remember consciously letting him go, yet wanting to keep him in sight, and beginning to feel like the race was slipping from my control. I remember too, trying to quiet the needling thought: this is too early to feel so bad. I must’ve quieted most of my thoughts successfully, because I don’t really remember much about the next hour of the race. Maybe I lost focus? Or maybe I was incredibly focused on just hanging on. I don’t remember.

Something I struggled with that I could have controlled, maybe because I was distracted by what my teammates were doing and not running my own race, was fueling. I didn’t have a written plan, didn’t take the little baby bottles (literally baby bottles, ha ha!) of Maurten Jeff handed me, and didn’t take Gatorade at every station as I did at Ottawa. I think I took 4 gels total. I began to bonk around 34, 35k pretty hard. My watch was mostly in the low 4:30s, whereas I had wanted it in the low 4:20s. Around 35k, my heart rate also dropped according to Garmin? I’m still wondering if this was a fluke.

It was suit of armor hard, like in my first marathon. But I was reassured by the fact I was breathing pretty well, which to me signified it was still a manageable, if intense, effort. Not dead yet. I don’t think I took in any fuel after 37k, which again was silly, but I finally took one of the little bottles Jeff handed to me just prior to that. After 37, the effort to take Gatorade or a gel at that point seemed overwhelming. I need to learn to mentally prepare to work with this feeling and override it.

Luckily, during this period of bonking and serious effort, I did focus mentally, since I had women around me I was competing with. One woman in blue was wearing headphones and had very strong surges; we ran alongside each other for parts beginning at about 34k. We eventually caught up to a woman in black, who looked strong and was being paced by 2 male runners. I took their encouragement to her as my own “You’re doing great” and “Now’s the time to push if you have anything left” and we played cat and mouse a bit. I took the tangents straight, a bit aggressively, elbows a little out. 

Because the course was so twisty, I did not have the finish line in sight until the last 100m or so, although I could hear the crowds. Finally, with about 20m-50m to go, my competitor in black, who I later learned was named Karoline, had a huge kick but I somehow responded (despite apparently not using my arms at all!) and caught her at the line and came 4th woman by 1/10 of a second. My teammates were pleased I put on a funny show at the end. 

I had snuck under my PB of 3:07:36 by 50 seconds, running 3:06:46. It was a satisfying result, looking back, but I still somehow felt I’d messed up the race and felt a bit deflated, if not disappointed. Immediately after I felt terrible and needed my puffer in my bag, so I just focused on getting that instead of soaking in the accomplishment as much. 

Next time, I will be more grateful. PBs are PBs, and they don’t come forever.

But there are things to improve: higher mileage. Immunity. Fuelling. Form.

after: and when it was bad it was horrid

After the race: I. Was. Trashed. Possibly worse than after my first full. My calves and quads were dead, my lips were blue for a good hour despite wearing multiple layers, my cough was bad, and my old groin injury had somehow resurfaced. I was a GD mess. I was in pain standing and walking, but afraid to sit and cramp up.

Nothing looked more appealing than a woman, probably late 50s, laying on the grass with her legs up and feet on the trash can. I laid next to her and we chatted and both had the sillies and shared some jokes and stories. She asked my time and I asked hers. She was late to running, and expressed joy at discovering it later in life. She asked me “how’s your mind”? And I said, “Fine. I think. But you know. I shouldn’t drive” and we both cracked up laughing. She had a beautiful laugh. It was probably my favourite moment in the race besides…

BESDIES MY TEAMMATES ABSOLUTELY CRUSHING IT. Jake, Heidi, Martina, and others had absolutely mind-blowing races. I was elated for them.

Walking to the truck wasn’t possible, so after I picked up my age category prize (4th overall, 1st in age group), we walked a little until Jeff got the truck and drove back to get me. Congratulatory texts and posts started streaming in. The satisfaction of the accomplishment moreso came to me secondhand.

gone gone beyond gone.

During the race, the heart sutra surfaced. Gate (pronounced: gah-eh), gate, paragate para sam gate, bodhi svaha! 

 I first learned it after I listened to Michael Stone’s podcast during a cold, wintery sidewalk run in the suburbs at my parents’ house. In the podcast, Michael said it’s a very good sutra to say after someone has died; for me it comes up in the blank part of a run that’s just effort, where I’m struggling to settle back into it and just accept. Instead I cling to it for distraction, for something to hold on to. One last clinging thing. I also just like the rhythm of it. It’s like counting to eight again and again in a run, but better.

We chanted it at Spirit Loft and at Downward Dog after Michael died in his memory. 

Sometimes it arises out of nowhere, which was what happened in the race. Michael translated it as: gone, gone, beyond gone, across the other shores (the tone of “across to the other shores” is a bit celebratory because of the “svaha!” like a bit of a hooray thrown in).

After the result on the car ride home, I squirmed and fished around, looking to find what was gone, struggling to settle in my accomplishment, in the extreme effort of crossing to the other shore. 

I texted my brother, and Jeff previously texted my mom. Fourth woman sounds kinda cool, and it’s the type of thing non-runners usually find more interesting than running a certain time. Maybe what I needed was the validation. I scrolled through the congratulatory messages I received, searching there too. Trying to find the hooray on the other shore, the bit of joy. But I couldn’t.

The truth is I always feel a peach pit in my throat and ache in my chest after a race since my dad died. A text was never sufficient for the depth and breadth of his enthusiasm for my running. He would want a phone call with a detailed play-by-play. He would’ve looked up the result. He probably would’ve been there, cheering, telling me to kick butt. He would have gasped with amazement and interest that I’d outkicked someone at the line with an “Em-chen! You’re kiddin’!” and a big WOW, and would’ve called me “fast twitch” in the next few emails or texts he sent me.

I didn’t make the mistake of trying to search for my dad in my mom. They are different. I am growing. I didn’t begrudge her for not being him. The night before the race, she told Jeff that after my dad ran his first marathon, she let him know she wouldn’t support him running them anymore. I asked her about it when we got home from the race, curious but also already knowing why. She said, “It’s too extreme, the training takes too much time, you get too thin. My friends were asking what was wrong with him, he got to 145 lbs. 10ks, those are fine. But I said, with three little kids, we wouldn’t come to your races. You could do it on your own time. But we won’t support it.”

At one time I would’ve seen a jab in these words, a pin to deflate my victory balloons, which were already pretty sad and deflated. But now I frame it as touching: a mother’s concern, her sharp attention, even though I am grown up now, noticing and worrying about the lines in my face, the cough that won’t go away, the apparent lack of rest and pleasure in my life, the strange seriousness and intensity of my hobbies.

I sent her a text thanking her again for her help with Elliot and explaining, “I know running isn’t the most pleasant/healthiest hobby but for me it is very exciting to discovery athleticism, teammates, and a sport I have some skill at. Really really appreciative of your help.” She responded, “You are welcome. Glad you were happy with results. My bias will always be for optimal health. Which everyone perceives differently.”

My dad perceived optimal health differently than her, too. He sprinted the last part of his easy runs with his running mates, racing for fun. He always beat Rob, and mostly beat Sean. He ate the burger and the chips. He sometimes had the extra drink. He got chippy in the corners at hockey and didn’t control his emotions very well at all when fishing or playing golf. From the outside, his leisure time sometimes looked stressful. He had a rebellious streak, too. And he savoured the juices of life.

shore up

I am my father and my mother. I am the rebellious, intense child, but also the patient, steadfast mother. I don’t want to run reckless. I try and do things that impact Elliot the least: lunch runs, run commutes, 5:00am runs while he is sleeping. I don’t want to compromise my long-term health in a serious way, or my connections with Jeff and Elliot. I don’t think I am. 

But I can’t deny I’m curious. I’m hungry. I’m keenly interested in limits. I want to be a student of limits. There is a spark here, there is a flame. I’m protective of it. I want to tend to it.

As a teenager and in my twenties, I shrank myself to accommodate my parents’ expectations. Risk-taking was out of sight, never in the open. The dark parts of my personality were hidden away the best that I could and came out in sulking and silence. My seriousness and intensity came out in academics, the secret crushes I had, and maybe our political and philosophical arguments around the dinner table, but I didn’t express it openly in my hobbies. I wrote but always in secret. I wrote with expletives, experimentally, raw and weird and my mom came across my blog once, the F bombs and all, and was shocked and disturbed, and never again followed any of us on social media. I published a poem but later requested it be removed from a website, ashamed of my rawness. I hemmed up all my raw edges.

But my goal this year is to neither puff myself up, press on foolishly headlong into bad decisions, stubborn and imagining myself so alone, nor shrink into the background resentfully, obediently, and only do-- on the surface-- what’s normal or expected or desired from others. 

Neither puff up nor shrink. But also ask: why not me? 

I see no reason I can’t achieve big goals.

I see no reason I can’t go sub-3. 

I say this neither puffed up with ego, or shriveled with shame about the intensity of my own interests, the extremeness of my personality that befuddles and perhaps annoys others, even those I love the most.

So many of the skills I have as a runner– equanimity, understanding and maintaining boundaries, mental toughness, a desire to research, detachment, a deeper spiritual faith or purpose underlying my actions, the deeply joyful appreciation of nature on the trails and recreational paths– all of these things come from my mother. 

But some skills come from my dad, too: taking corners aggressively with elbows out, the cycling between anxiety and excitement, the runner’s high, the chicken-leg calves, the competitive show-boat streak, the hacking cough, the imagination running wild late at night or at work with fantasies of fast finishes and faster times and unimaginable improvement. 

The fascination with something like the heart sutra appearing unannounced at the end of a hard effort? Well, that one is the best. And that one is both of them.

I am a blend of the two, one measured and questioning, one seeking and a little recklessly enthusiastic.

And I am so much more: a mother, a partner, a sister, a teammate, a spiritual seeker.

Why not me?

[poisonpainter]

I know there (again) has been a lack of content lately, but this time for a good reason: I’m busy writing stories! But I’ll get to that a bit later, as today I’d like to talk about writing stuff in general and stuff I did more or less recently.

Two years ago the Bücherstadt Kurier published their March volume including my story “Nebeljagd” (Mist Hunt). This was the first of my stories that has ever been published in a proper medium and not just on this Blog or on DF.PP Entertainment or in The Forum (back when it still existed :( ). I remember being so proud of this. I remember calling my Mum right away after I received the mail with the amazing “You’ve been chosen”-line. I remember printing out the story and showing it to her and the smile on her face. I also remember what happened next. For me those two things will forever be remembered together: My first success and my biggest loss. Still, that didn’t keep me from continuing, I knew she would have (verbally) kicked my ass if I had dared to do that. Just giving up, wasn’t quite her style. ;)

It took me more than a month to at least be willing to write again, the result being “Ein neuer Tag” (A New Day), starting there a lot of my writings involved darker tones about loss, flight and/or death. Part of me used this to talk about my own experiences and thoughts, another part just found it fitting for a characters’ journey. I believe a prime example of this is Mina’s side-story from my second Advent Calendar.

I’m fairly certain that “Der Weckruf” (The Wake-up call) was the first story I published on a Blog after it all happened – in retrospective it’s quite a fitting title for the situation – not counting “Der Zufluchtsort” (The Haven), which was the last story I finished the day before it happened and scheduled for the day after. Still, from there I kind of got back into things. “Your Picture – A Story” was (kind of still is, even if I didn’t manage to write anything for it these last couple of months…) a good outlet for me to just explore different topics and characters without going into too much details thanks to the word count. This was also where you could see the changes I mentioned earlier the most.

Another new step I made regarding my stories was/is attending a Lesebühne (Reading Stage) where I read them aloud in front of an audience (in a pub). It’s always a thrill to do that and I’m nervous time and again. Though there is rarely any feedback: A few people told me they enjoyed the stories, someone said the stories I read improved over time, another encouraged me to try my luck with a publisher, others had minor complains, but most of them said nothing. It’s still an interesting experience and with the amount of Short Stories I have yet to read (or write) I have quite some stuff still unknown to the listeners.

Speaking of trying my luck: I also managed to win Eve Estelles’s writing contest, twice, without actually expecting to do so:

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Contest #1

Contest #2

With “The Raven’s Omen” and the “Campfire Tale“, I impressed her enough to let me win and those two are also prime examples of my English Short Stories, as I usually tend to write those in German. The only downside to this is my pessimism coming into play here and telling me I only won, because (it feels like) there wasn’t much competition.

I am very pessimistic (in general and especially) when it comes to my stories, I like them, but I rarely think they’re good enough for anyone else to like them, so it came as quite a surprise when fruehstuecksflocke asked me to become a part of #Projekt24. With “Blind Date“, I hope I made an adequate addition to it. This project will soon be not just available on his Blog, but more on that when it’s officially announced. ;) With my success here I also tried to add an entry to the Literary Advent Calendar of the Bücherstadt Kurier and some people quite laughed at my take on “The Crib“.

When this year began I told you about three stories I edited/translated for another project, namely: Ein neuer Tag, “The Quest for Ore” and another one called “Verloren” (Lost). These three are for Projekt Myra as exchange for some advertisement they did and as they still wanted/liked to get more I sat down to write out another of my organ-concert-ideas (see link Ein neuer Tag) concerning the Dwarf–world, I came up with back when writing The Quest for Ore and drafting Verloren. That story, however, did not want to be a Short Story and has by now roughly 30k of written out scenes and notes under the (working?) title: Der Wunsch der Königin (The Queen’s Wish). It’s still a lot of work to do and I’m still not entirely convinced it fits into the corner of Myra that we decided on – and again, that they really like what I’m writing-, but we’ll see once I’m done. Which I hopefully will be one day and don’t let it go to waste (like Michael’s story that I still haven’t managed to properly write down). Unfortunately I’m already kind of bored of writing out the notes and missing scenes, as motivation plays a rather huge part in my process and when the voice in the back of my head tells me something is not worth doing, then I have the tendency to listen to it, which is awful and counterproductive and absolutely annoying.

Another annoying thing is me jumping between ideas. As soon as one pops up I want to pursue it and everything else is then put aside (like writing this post, when I should be doing something else ;) ). One of the last times this happened I had nearly/finally finished with last years Advent Calendar and then I somehow decided to write two more stories. The first one was the Christmas story “Santa’s Helper” that I kind of feel like continuing in this year’s Calendar, though I’m not sure if I really should – any thoughts? The other was “Winter Moon” that I did get carried away with and which now has the basics for the twelfth chapters I speculate to write under the working title “Neubrandenwolf“. Though I still don’t know whether I should publish a Chapter a month (close to the full moon) or just publish as soon as I’m finished, Twitter wasn’t helpful for that decision…

The idea-jumps doesn’t make it any easier to get anything done though, quite the contrary. They are especially awful when it comes to the Fanfictions I started over the years that are still not finished yet, especially as I kind of took a year long break from them. Though I did manage to update 3/4 stories by now, even if updating one of the stories was recently postponed by writing the first ~7k version of The Queens Wish and then finished after I dreamed about one of the characters pulling me towards him… Still, they’re a great medium where you technically don’t have to think up that much regarding the worlds you write in and just can explore different story lines with existing characters. Which doesn’t mean I did not think things through, because that would be impossible for me, as I want things to make sense, even if that makes things more complicated and nearly as bad, as if I thought up my own worlds.

Anyway, a few people keep telling me I have a talent for writing and that I should try sending stuff to a publisher, but the voice in the back of my head, still tells me that I’m not good enough, that the stuff I write is too full of clichés, too boring, too simple and that no one would want/like to read it anyway (hence the lack of motivation at times). I really don’t know whom I should listen to, but that doesn’t mean I won’t keep writing – and potentially improving. All this stuff has to get out of my head somehow. There are still too many stories left untold that I don’t even dare to think about to not get distracted by them…

But don’t worry, you will get a few things to read in the future – whether you like them or not. ;)

PoiSonPaiNter

Celebrating @BK_Buchfink publishing 1 of my #stories 2y ago by thinking about what I #waswriting I know there (again) has been a lack of content lately, but this time for a good reason: I'm busy writing stories!

[topicprinter]

Hi, my name is Dave and I'm the CoFounder of Blogger Outreach software NinjaOutreach.com.Last year I published a post here on Reddit entitled:In September 2014 We Set A Goal To Build A $20k/month SaaS Business In 1 Year – Here’s What HappenedYou can read that here:While I recommend anyone interested in our story to read that post to get the proper background on the start of the company, I’ll highlight the TL;DR as it’s written there:January 14: We launch the business several months later than we expected after 2.5 months in beta and a few hundred people trying it out.January – July: We make a ton of mistakes and the business “grows” to around $3k mrrAugust – December: We make more mistakes, but we do a lot of things right, and end the year over $10k mrr, short of our original stretch goal, but in line with our “first” goal which was $10k mrr, (although not in 365 days from the original statement, but within 365 days from launch).And at the end of that very long post, there is a small line that is easy to overlook. It readsOur goal for 2016 is $30k and 1k customers!So here I am ready to report on our progress, and again I’ll start with another TL;DR:We did it.Here’s our REVENUE statement from the last few months plus the Year To Date. The profit statement is not very impressive because we invest everything back into the business such as new hires, etc—but it is positive. Customers actually turned out less than 1k, but because we increased prices we hit our goal anyway.Click to view screenshot hereIf that piques your interest, here is a bit more about what actually happened.January - MarchTo summarize these three months, the business didn’t really grow much at all. Actually, it flatlined around $10k and was like that for most of December through March.In fact, in one month we actually went BACKWARDS in MRR, which, for a subscription business, is a big no-no.It’s important to look back at a time like this when we’ve actually hit our goal and remember that things didn’t always look this good. The year actually started off terribly and I was legitimately thinking that this might be it i.e. that the business wouldn’t grow anymore.Frankly, we were running out of ideas.Given what I know now, there are some pretty important lessons here, those being:You can finish strong even with a slow start. Don’t lose hope until you really have tried everything.April - MaySo, how did we get out of it?The biggest thing we pulled out of nowhere during this time was “acquiring” my personal blog.I had been running a personal blog on marketing and business for about two years called SelfMadeBusinessman. While it never lived up to my expectations, I had definitely worked hard on it and it had a decent amount of traffic and quality white hat links.Unfortunately, on account of the fact that I was actually running a business as opposed to just blogging about business, I no longer had much time to keep up with the blog. Eventually, I stopped writing on it altogether and it was just sitting there collecting dust.Right around this time, I read a post from Matthew Barby about acquiring websites for traffic and it sparked an idea to transfer all my site’s content to NinjaOutreach and do a full redirect.Mind you, this was not an easy decision. Although it wasn’t making any money, I believe based on the traffic alone I could have sold it on a market like Flippa for at least mid-four figures. Additionally, SelfMadeBusinessman represented my personal brand and was a source of networking and forming contacts. And of course, I figured one day I would go back to it, and I’d be better off not having to start from scratch.Still, NinjaOutreach has been my number one priority since the beginning, so we decided to go through with it. NinjaOutreach basically swallowed SelfMadeBusinessman.The traffic boost from this after a month or so was significant. Within two months we had doubled our traffic, and doubling our traffic meant more sign ups and gave us the fuel to grow again.Here’s what that looked like:Click to view screenshot hereSurprisingly, over the course of last year, we never pulled the trigger to acquire another website.However, that changed just a few days ago when we bought one off of Flippa, which is in the process of being redirected. Whether or not it produces similar results is yet to be seen, but it’s definitely one of our goals this year to find and acquire a few websites. If you have one you’d like to sell, hit me up!We also launched massive link building campaigns throughout the year using our prospecting and outreach tool.One of our earlier campaigns involved broken link building work where we leveraged thousands of bad-for-SEO dead URLS leading to the now defunct company, Topsy. Long story short, we contacted bloggers who linked to Topsy in their posts and suggested our tool as an alternative where we provide the content and they link back to us instead.This campaign alone drove hundreds of backlinks to our site in a span of a few months.We also launched a competitor link building campaign where we contacted bloggers who’ve included some of our competitors in their posts. We reached out and asked if they were interested in also adding NinjaOutreach to their articles or resources.This campaign received a pretty high response rate (72%) and generated close to 150 unique inbound links for our site.Overall, it helped us gain higher Domain Authority and ranking, taking our site from DA 30+ to DA 50.June - JulyDoubling our traffic in such a short time was huge, no doubt about it, but at the end of the day all it really does is move the ceiling higher, but it doesn't remove it altogether. Basically, we had bought ourselves time, but we needed to find new ways to keep up the momentum.Two major things happened in June / July that helped us do that.The first was a promotion / partnership with Warrior Forum where they sold our product for relatively cheap. We had done something similar with AppSumo the year prior and it was a huge success. Now we wanted to try a new audience.While the launch from Warrior Forum didn’t quite deliver the kind of revenue we were hoping for, it was the highest grossing month we had all year and gave us new traffic, links, and exposure. While we aren’t looking to do something similar in the near future, it’s definitely something I recommend for a new, small business.The next step was upping our prices.We had upped our prices a year before in August and experienced a lot of growth from that.Firstly, there is generally an uptick in sign-ups as people want to be grandfathered in to the old prices.Secondly, the new sign ups are worth more after the change, and although the number of sign-ups might go down slightly, in our experience, the added value from the customer far outweighs it.This is something I have heard from a lot of other business owners and it’s why the general advice is to make sure you continue to increase your prices as you add value to the product.To give you some context on the increase, when NinjaOutreach first launched, our prices ranged from $19 - $149. Now they range from $49 - $599 and we have people on all plans.As a side note, it really does feel a lot better having fewer customers but of higher value. It helps keep customer support more manageable and allows us to be more personal in our approach.For example, we’ve always invited people to have free consultation calls with us, but when people are only paying you $19, it feels like you’re selling your time for peanuts.August - DecemberBelieve it or not, there weren’t any major tricks pulled out in the most recent months that I would describe as “game-changing”.At the end of the day, it’s mostly just math. If you have the sign ups, the conversion rate, and the customer value in the right alignment, you’re going to grow. Not forever, of course, but for us to hit our goal, it was enough.Although there are a few things I thought we did well.We also continued to improve the product and the traffic during that time, but mostly through the same ways we always have, i.e content marketing and influencer marketing. One new channel we added was retargeting, which has definitely helped us be more efficient with turning our traffic into signups.Most notably, during this last half of the year, we’ve been able to bring on 5 new employees, which has helped tremendously with a number of things we’ve been able to get done. Though, I should also mention we had to let go over 2 other ones, which is never enjoyable.Currently, we’re up to 14 people including the 2 active co-founders.Our Next GoalFrom here, we want to get to 1M in Annual Recurring Revenue, which is more than double where we currently are at—so we have a long way to go.But, since it pays to be ambitious, we’re going to try to do it by the end of the year, mainly by sticking with the team we have and putting the right processes into place. Some other revenue streams we’re excited about are building out our services.For example, we just launched The Ninja Academy, which is a 12-module course on how to grow a business via Inbound Marketing. You can learn more about it here:We also have our Done For You link building services, where we leverage our network of bloggers to get you featured. More on that here:If we properly market all of these and continue to grow the subscriptions, I think we can have a great year.Happy to answer any questions the community has!

[moisblogs]

I’m Worried

this has been on the back of my mind for a while, and considering what’s going to happen in less than 24 hours from the time of this post, I figured now would be a good time to talk about it. I’m worried. I’m worried about the next 4 years because even though I’m willing to give Trump a chance at the Office, I don’t know what to expect from him. Last thing I want is for millions of people to have their lives ruined because of a piece of paper that they can only apply for through either marriage or a parent/child that meets the requirements asked. Last thing I want is for millions more to be oppressed and denied basic necessities because of their skin color, religious beliefs, or income level(s). Last thing I want is for the one country I call “Home” to come apart because of ideas and political beliefs that our political leaders, and sometimes people themselves, only see as Black or White. No Grey area. Right now, we have a Republican Congress with a Republican President(-elect) and a soon-to-be Republican Supreme Court (I know the Supreme Court is supposed to be unbiased, but it’s human nature to be subjective). I’m not saying in ANY way that all Republicans act the same, but I am worried for those that I believe have lost grasp on what the Party, as well as the Country, was founded on. (From this point out, I will be interchanging “Republican” with “Conservative” from time to time, so bear with me.)

I’ve seen a lot of my Conservative friends post things like how it was Republicans that supported the 13th Amendment, it was Republicans that gave the newly freed slaves a right to vote, that it was Republicans that supported giving every man AND women a right to vote, and that Republicans don’t support the Affordable Care Act (I’m not going to call it Obamacare because they are one in the same) because it was going to fail from the start. Recently, I looked up the Preamble to the Declaration of Independence, and if there’s one thing that stood out to me was how everyone had the Right to Life, Liberty, and to Pursue Happiness. That is the very core of the foundation of the United States of America. Now I’ve seen a lot of Conservatives also bash on Liberals for being too radical, but when you think about it, the Right to Life, Liberty, and Pursue Happiness were very Liberal ideals. Everything about the Bill of Rights were set with Liberal mindsets. Yes, they were set mainly to separate the Colonies from the United Kingdom, but at the same time, it’s what the People demanded. They demanded to be free from King George’s rule, they demanded to have freedoms that were later mentioned when Jefferson wrote the Declaration. You’re probably wondering how does that tie with the ACA, well, if everyone has a Right to Life, why not make certain that the life they have is a healthy one? 

Think about it: the purpose of the ACA was in response to increase in insurance premiums. Nowadays, if someone needed to go to the Doctor’s office, they would need premium because even getting a physical is expensive, so the ACA was written to make sure that people (mainly without any insurance premium) can go for a regular check-up without breaking the bank each and every time. This was the original purpose. What got passed was a revised version that only met part of the original intent. That doesn’t mean that the ACA is a complete failure, it means that it still needs to be fleshed out, but the issue becomes that people want it gone because they only know it as Obamacare, which automatically makes people think President Obama, which a surprising amount people think that he did a bad job as President so no thank you. (I personally believed that President Obama did what he can given he’s a Democratic President with a Republican Congress, but that’s besides the point). The point that I’m trying to make is that if we agree that everyone has the Right to a healthy life, then why is it okay for insurance premiums to charge a significant amount of money for the basic of health coverage? I also want to bring up that I’ve seen Republicans say to their political leaders and even give public speeches that without the ACA, their life would have been over (just something to think about).

“Because it’s costing us tax payers a lot of money.” So is paying taxes to the military which is at a state of creating so much surplus that who’s buying them? The police. That’s another topic entirely, but if it all boils down to money and profits, then hear me out on this one. I get that we are a Capitalistic economy, so we thrive off of wealth and profits, I get that. However, this economy is at a state where the rich get richer and the poor gets poorer, and no one wants to live a poor life. That’s not the American Dream, but it is the reality we’re living in. Call me a Socialist, but I do believe that more rich people should contribute in helping the middle and lower class actually develop in life. “I started with nothing to get to where I am,” okay, but this generation of youth are starting with LESS than nothing. Earlier today, I was in a class where we talked briefly about the average student loan debt. The average student loan debt is about $30k. I’m gonna be roughly $50k by the time I graduate, and I’ve heard of people being hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to student loans. I’ve also heard of people graduating with $0 of debt, but the common case is that a student is in debt because of college. Theoretically, we do have the resources and “finances” to have free/affordable public college education, but the thing about economy is that if a small group of people hold all the wealth for themselves, then money is not flowing properly in and out of the system. Plus even with the argument of how a Baby Boomer was able to work part time and pay off college that way, the cost of an education was at least 10 times cheaper than what it is now, and wages were well above the federal minimum.

This ties in with the Right to Liberty. You’re not free if you have a debt with someone. I’m not talking about how criminals have a debt to society, I’m talking about civil debts. Debts like student loans and credit card loans. I’ve seen a post that said “College is the only necessity that’s priced as a luxury.” Every generation of people that I know ALL agree that having a college education is important, however the issue with college is a simple one: it’s too expensive. Public colleges and State Universities are supposed to be cheaper options as opposed to Private college, but they’re still too expensive. One semester at my state college is roughly a year’s tuition at my Community College. I didn’t start taking out loans until after I had graduated from said Community College. Once I graduate from my State University, one of the first things that’s gonna come to mind is where can I get a job for the purpose of paying off my debt. Yes, I should go with the field of my degree, but my experience is that no one is going to hire someone fresh out of college. I may have a remote chance if I graduate Suma Cum Laude, but it’s not a guarantee. This isn’t just my case, a lot of other cases are like this where people graduate from college and start off with (or keep) an entry level job like working at a Fast Food place or a supermarket. It used to be that you have a degree, you’re set for whatever life throws at you, but now you need to know what you’re gonna do with your life by Sophomore year of High School, and even then, nothing is guaranteed.

Lastly, the Right to Pursue Happiness. Everyone wants to live their dream job, but in today’s world, if you’re dream job is to be an internet entertainer, which is possible, I know, I’m friends with a YouTuber, then you’d get laughed at because most people don’t believe that’s a real job. People always say “do what makes you happy,” but it’s looking more like “do what makes you happy, as long as it follows our set of social norms.” Happiness is probably one of the most subjective emotions, but it’s an internal emotion. You’re happy because something happened that gave you a joyous sensation. Whether it’s something you did or something someone did for you, you can only make yourself happy. If working in the Industrial Industry makes you happy, that’s fine. If being an Internet Sensation makes you happy, that’s fine. If living the retired life with your loved one makes you happy, that’s fine. If taking family vacations every other month makes you happy, guess what? That’s fine. What you define as happiness may not be what someone else thinks happiness is, and that’s fine.

All of this is what I worry that our Republican political leaders are missing. At one point, Republicans were about being progressive and pushing towards equal opportunities for EVERYONE. That was a long time ago, and I fear that the modern Republican will completely lose sight of that. The Party was created on the notion of following facts and figures, but nowadays, it seems like they prioritize personal emotions over facts. Example: I had to do a research paper, and I partially brought up immigration. I found PLENTY of academic sources saying that everyone should be able to immigrate to whatever country they want freely, but when I tried to find the opposition, basically stats supporting the fears a lot of Americans have for [undocumented] immigrants, the closest that I found was along the lines of “there is no proof [those fears] happened, but they need to be considered anyways.” (I’ll link my paper down bellow if I can). During the RNC when they officially nominate Trump for President, a reporter from CNN was talking about how figures show that America is the safest place to live, and the interviewee (a person running the RNC) said, “yes, but the people don’t feel safe.” I worry that our Republican leaders will also prioritize subjective emotions over objective facts. I worry that Republicans forget that their Party once thought the same way the modern Democrats are thinking in terms of progressive policies.

I just worry......

Research Paper: https://1drv.ms/w/s!AoD9I_rFbbYyiTpmdCPaJysr8uKR