#i am exposing myself out as a true stan of this guy and it's a little terrifying but what can we do

[cherrycheridarling]

tic-tac-toe | mcu

marvel cast x actress!reader

warnings: one swear, fluff, no plot

summary: you play aphrodite in the MCU and it's time for the press conference for infinity war. based off of this press conference

wc: 2.7k

"Tom Hiddleston!" Jeff Goldblum introduced the man who was sitting on your right.

Everyone applauded before Jeff moved onto you, "Y/N Y/L/N!" more applause rang through the room.

"Sebastian Stan!" you looked to your left where Sebastian waved to the crowd as you clapped with everyone else.

"Anthony Mackie!"

After Jeff finished with the introductions, he explained how the panel would work. He would pull a ping pong ball out of a container and it would either have a name or category. The audience would be able to ask a question to that person or a person in that category after Jeff called on them.

As he pulled RDJ's name out of the container, Tom leaned over towards you.

"Does your water taste funny, too?" he whispered making you stifle a laugh.

You nodded, "Kind of like lemon, right?"

He shook his head, "Mine tastes like mint. Can I taste yours?" he held his hand out as you passed him your water bottle. He took a sip and spent a moment analyzing the taste, "Yours does taste like lemon! Why does mine taste different? Here." he passed you his water.

You took a sip and were hit with a strong mint flavour, "Woah. I think they're trying to drug you." you joked making him laugh.

"As I am answering this question, Tom Hiddleston and Y/N Y/L/N are discussing the flavours of the water behind me." Robert exposed you and Tom to the audience making the room burst out into laughter.

"They have fancy water. Mint and lemon." Tom spoke into a mic drawing more laughs. "Sorry. Carry on!"

As Jeff pulled the next name, you adjusted your dress. A white, long sleeve, blazer dress with gold buttons down the middle, the dress ended mid-thigh. The v-neck cut showcased your subtle gold necklace. Black stiletto heels covered your feet.

You unconsciously began bouncing your leg up and down in a fast motion. Sebastian placed a hand on your thigh, stopping your movements, "You're gonna drill a hole through the floor, Y/L/N." he chuckled.

"Sorry." you laughed quietly.

Sebastian pulled out a notepad and pen, "You need a distraction. Tic-tac-toe?" he offered.

You smiled with a nod before making your move.

"You absolutely suck at this." you chuckled as you won the third game in a row.

Sebastian scoffed, "You can't suck at tic-tac-toe."

"And yet, you do." you smirked.

He rolled his eyes playfully before you continued playing.

After two more rounds, your attention was back on Jeff as he pulled a new ping pong ball. "Ooh! You can ask a God or Goddess." Jeff announced, "So, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth or Y/N Y/L/N." he reminded the crowd, "Okay, yes, you!" he picked a woman in the front row.

"Hi, I'm Alexis with Forbes. My question is for Y/N." the room applauded as Jeff tossed the ping pong ball at you and you caught it with one hand.

"See, Robert! It's not that hard!" Jeff exclaimed making everyone laugh.

"Screw off, Goldblum! You chucked that shit at my head." Robert joked back. "Sorry, Alexis, go ahead."

"Um, I wanted to ask about Aphrodite's powers. We all know that she is the Goddess of Love and can seduce anyone with her beauty. We see in the trailer a small clip of her seducing men. How many people did you seduce in the film and were there any funny moments filming those scenes that you can share?"

Her question drew a mix of reactions from the cast. Some laughed, some furrowed their eyebrows and others were just confused. You took in the question before opening your mouth to reply, until you remembered that you weren't wearing a body mic. The cast laughed again before Sebastian passed you a mic.

"Sorry. Um, how many people did I seduce in the film? None." you stated drawing more laughs, "How many people did Aphrodite seduce? All of them." you chuckled, "I'm kidding. Although, I'm not sure what I can share because I don't know what's in the trailer." you confessed, "Kevin, Joe, Anthony, what's in the trailer?" you asked them making everyone laugh again.

Kevin picked up a mic, "I believe it's you seducing Spider-Man, Starlord, Drax and Iron Man."

You nodded, "I do have a funny moment that I'm sure Mister Holland will kill me for sharing, but it's too good to not tell." you smiled thinking of the memory.

Tom immediately grabbed a mic, "You wouldn't!" he exclaimed making the audience and cast laugh.

"I would," you retorted, "We were shooting that scene and, as you know, they have to act like they are falling in love with me. Like I'm putting them in a trance. Well, Tom took that a bit too seriously." you paused at the laughter that your sentence caused, "They're all on their knees in front of me, looking at me as if I'm their queen, because I am." you joked, "And then Anthony calls 'cut' and Dave, Chris and RDJ all get up and start chatting, but as I'm turning away, Tom doesn't move. Still on his knees, looking at me as if I hold the world in my hands." the room filled with amused laughs and chuckles as Tom covered his face with his hands.

"No, it was so bad because I just looked like a creep that couldn't stop staring at her!" Tom laughed at himself.

Robert grabbed a mic, "Very true. I was watching and it honestly had me convinced that Y/N had real powers."

"I have to say, I understand the kid's reaction. Y/N's costume for Aphrodite and the way they transform her only enhances how gorgeous she already is." Anthony Mackie spoke up causing the crowd to gush and clap, "I'm pretty sure we all had the same reaction when we first saw her while filming Civil War." he looked around as the cast nodded.

Scarlett picked up a mic, "Yeah. I remember her walking on set in this stunning white dress which made me extremely jealous," she confessed, "Because, one, it's so gorgeous and she looks absolutely amazing in it," the crowd and cast applauded again, "And two, it's made of the softest silk while my suit is leather and spandex!" everyone laughed at her comment.

Benedict picked up his mic, "Although, it wasn't Tom's first time seeing Y/N as Aphrodite. He was in Civil War and still could not contain himself." he teased making the audience and cast laugh again.

Robert spoke again, "Yeah, he did that during the filming of Civil War, too." the room hollered with laughs.

Tom's face was bright red, "I'm just a very committed actor. I really give all of myself to my work." his comment drew more laughs.

"That's why Sebastian despises Tom. It all started when Tom couldn't take his eyes off of Y/N." Chris Hemsworth added making everyone double over in laughter.

"I feel so loved," you held a hand to your heart as the room chuckled, "These are genuinely the best people in the world and I guess you could say I seduced one person during filming." you joked as the crowd continued to laugh, "Sorry, Tom. I'll buy you some juice, don't be mad." Anthony and Benedict laughed loudly. "Thank you for your question!" you thanked the lady as the cast clapped before Jeff picked out the next ping pong ball.

Next was Scarlett. You sat back and silently judged the man who asked about fashion. Scoffing with Sebastian at his question and laughing at Scarlett's sarcastic and witty responses.

Sebastian leaned over again, "I have to piss."

You stifled a laugh at his abrupt confession, "Go to the washroom, then." you nodded your head towards the exit.

"We're not allowed to leave." he frowned.

You chuckled and reached over, patting his thigh with your hand, "Don't piss yourself."

He rolled his eyes playfully before Jeff called out the next name.

"Anthony Mackie!"

"Hi, I'm Tiffany with Times Magazine. With such a star studded cast, do you find it difficult or any obstacles in developing your character with all theses amazing stories being told and struggling for screen time? Like, are there any obstacles or special difficulties or is it all just amazing?"

Before Anthony could answer, Joe Russo picked up his mic, "Are you asking Anthony Mackie if he has a hard time getting attention?" his comment caused the whole room to erupt in laughs.

Anthony nodded slowly as the laughter died down, "Touché, touché. Uh, well, Tiffany, a wise man once said that some men need an hour to make their presence felt and some need thirty seconds." there was an uproar of laughter and hollering at his comment as he dramatically dropped the mic on the table.

"Who are we asking next?" Jeff squinted at the ping pong ball, "Ooh! Back to the Goddess of Love herself, Y/N Y/L/N!" the room applauded for you as Jeff threw the ball to you.

Sebastian intercepted the toss and caught the ball himself with a smug smirk. You rolled your eyes, but smiled as Jeff picked a lady out of the dozens who had raised their hand.

"Hi, I'm Amy with Esquire and I wanted to ask about the relationship between Bucky and Aphrodite. We see in the previous films their awkward tension from their past history. They have a very special romance and their love story is a fan favourite in the Marvel fandom. What was it like building that bond and relationship on screen? And what do you think of the choice to match the two characters together, how did you react when you found out? Did the pairing of the two help build your bond off screen?"

Jeff spoke again, "I said 'one question', that was at least twenty." he teased the lady drawing laughs from the room.

You chuckled and nodded slowly as the laughter died down, "Excellent questions. Umm, I honestly really like the pairing of the two. I think it gives a great dynamic to both characters and reveals sides of them that we never would've seen without their relationship. It's a very 'good girl falling for the bad guy' trope. And if I'm being honest, I've always wanted that." you confessed causing the room to chuckle, "Their relationship is, without a doubt, one of the most complicated ones in the MCU, but I think that's what makes it so loved by the fans since there's not a dull moment between the two. It's nice to see Bucky have a sentimental side, in his own awkward way of course. And you get to see Aphrodite fall for someone who's not a God or a Titan." you turned to Sebastian, "What do you think?"

You offered him the mic, but he didn't take it, letting you hold it up for him, "Yeah, I agree. I never thought Bucky would have a love interest, if I'm being honest. But I'm glad he does because Aphrodite brings out the soft side in him and he brings out the fighter in her. They really balance each other out and Y/N portrays the character in such a unique way, it really brings a whole new fresh persona to Aphrodite and it's amazing having her as a partner on screen." the audience applauded at his words, "When I first found out about Bucky having her as his love interest—"

"—He called me screaming about how hyped he was." Anthony Mackie cut him off making the room laugh. "Anthony! Anthony! Bucky is gonna be with Aphrodite! That's gonna be sick!" Anthony mocked his voice as you were hunched over with laughter.

Sebastian nodded with a smile, "I did. Won't lie, I did. It's a really refreshing relationship and I'm glad that the fans love it as much as I love playing it. Back to you, you haven't talked about the development and our bond." he gave you a lopsided grin.

You chuckled, "I feel like I'm rambling, but yeah. Their development is definitely," you paused, trying to find the right words, "A development?" you settled on drawing more laughter. "Well, as I said, it's very complicated, but awkwardly adorable at times. Since Seb complimented me, I feel obligated to say something nice about him," you joked making them laugh again, "Kidding. He really does play Bucky with such passion and commitment, it's truly inspiring. And working with someone who loves what they do as much as Seb, it definitely motivates you tremendously and yeah. Um, I won't lie, I honestly was dreading working with Seb," you confessed drawing laughs and a gasp from Sebastian.

"Why?!" he exclaimed making you laugh.

You sighed, "Not because I think you're a bad person or anything, but you come off as very intimidating to people who don't know you very well. And I knew nothing about you before filming other than the films you'd already done, so you scared me." your confession caused everyone to laugh loudly.

Sebastian smirked jokingly, "I am extremely frightening. I understand." he shrugged.

You scoffed with a laugh, "I caught you sleeping with a stuffed turtle and whale noises playing." the room roared with laughter again, "That's when I knew you were a big softy."

Sebastian rolled his eyes playfully, "She's joking. I am the toughest man alive." he deepened his voice.

You shook your head with a chuckle, "Sure. Thank you for your questions." the room clapped for you as you set the mic down and relaxed back into your seat.

"Nailed it." Sebastian held a hand out for a high five and you chuckled before hitting your hand against his.

For the rest of the press conference, you sat back and listened to your friends answer questions. Laughed at jokes made and clapped when appropriate. Small tic-tac-toe games went on between you and Sebastian. Your attention was fully on your nails when Tom Hiddleston got called on.

"Hi, I'm Samantha with Daily Mail and I was wondering, since Loki is a very closed off and mysterious character, we never explore the aspect of him having a love interest. So, if you could choose anyone from the MCU for Loki to end up with, who would it be and why?"

You turned to look at Tom as he pondered on the question, crossing his arms and rubbing his chin, "Very good question. Umm, who would I choose for Loki? Let's see," he paused again and looked around the room until his eyes landed on you, "Ah, I'd steal Aphrodite from Bucky." he answered making the room laugh and Sebastian chuckled with a nod.

"Why Aphrodite?" Jeff asked.

Tom chuckled again, "Well, it's Aphrodite." he simply answered drawing more laughs, "They are so different yet similar in so many ways. Loki is never fully evil nor fully good, but I think Aphrodite has the best chance of turning him good. And who wouldn't want to end up with the Goddess of Love?"

The cast nodded understandingly before Chris Pratt grabbed a mic, "If you were to ask any person on this stage that same question, I guarantee the answer would be Aphrodite." the whole cast nodded.

"They're all trying to steal Sebastian's woman." Jeff teased.

Sebastian scoffed jokingly, "They're all jealous." he wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

You chuckled with a shake of your head before Robert spoke up, "Adding onto the conversation. Miss Y/L/N, who would you want Aphrodite to end up with?" his question drew excited reactions from the crowd.

You let out a bark of laughter before looking from Tom to Sebastian, "Hmm, excellent question, Mister Downey." you rubbed your chin, "Stop doing that, Holland." you chuckled as you saw Tom point at himself in the corner of your eye.

He raised his hands in surrender before Anthony Mackie spoke up, "Spidey is five years old, kid." everyone laughed at that.

"I'd have to stick with Bucky. He is her true love." you shrugged as the crowd cheered.

Sebastian smirked from beside you as the men of the cast faked disappointment.

As the panel came to a close, you looked around at the family you were surrounded by. Friends you love more than anything. Hundreds of memories with the most amazing people you'd ever met. Your home.

[stardomthenightwing]

I love the ships in wings fire but I don’t think it was really ok to have same sex couples (sunlow and jamapple.) it is a kids series and I do like sunlow but tui is really just throwing out mlm and wlw ships. my sibling is constantly asking about why sunlow is a thing and she asks about why it’s expectable for this to be in a 8yo book.

I respect your cautiousness for the younger audience that reads these books. Same-sex couples have been a controversy throughout all of our history, so it's not something new. It just so happens that it has gotten really popular in modern media, and I agree, media that includes LGBTQ makes understanding others more cumbersome for youth. It's kind of a problem to be told your whole life that males only get with females and have your core values changed by a children's book so suddenly. As a parent or older sibling, it's really difficult to speak with your child about these things, and I get it because I have a younger sibling who looks up to me.

Your viewpoint is valid, but mine differs. I personally think that including LGBTQ themes in children's media can be a good thing because it helps children determine things for themselves and gives them a head start on figuring out their philosophy and view on the world. As a child myself, I was exposed to many adult concepts, and that turned me into the intelligent person I am today. It depends on the path you want to take in life what you make of controversies, and children who want to endure the difficult understanding go down a much more rewarding and thorny path than others who prefer to ignore it. And to keep prejudice from arising within our society again, I think Tui's demonstration of these relationships is tolerable, even for people who don't think LGBTQ people are valid. Children should decide for themselves what they make of these relationships, and it's better through a book than a possibly biased parent.

Opinions aside, you've got to respect Tui's boldness and desire for change. She clearly strived to do something different, all the while knowing how some people would receive this, and I really admire that 'true' demonstration of courage.

Now I totally see your other concern, the fact that Tui might be cashing in on LGBTQ. She's throwing all these LGBTQ characters into her books to feed and fuel the desires of her fanbase, and from a certain point of view, it would appear that Tui is exhausting that category of character and cashing in on it. Too many LGBTQ characters can be a bad thing, and my personal opinion is that Tui doesn't have too many yet; we will see what happens in the future with that.

If you are searching for advice to explain this to your sibling, you came to the right guy. If I were you, I would tell them that times are changing and that people are changing with those times. LGBTQ people aren't bad people, neither are furries, stans or any of those other silly types of people you hear of on the internet. A person is defined by their actions, not by their sex, color of skin or mental conditions. You should never hate a person, only the bad actions a person does, because all people are allowed to change but not what has already been done. Sunlow is a thing because Tui decided to represent one of those kinds of people, and that's acceptable because the sexuality is depicted fairly and not misleadingly. There are many different kinds of people in this world, and it's up to you to decide who you accept and who you do not.

[wingsofhcpe]

SNOWPIERCER S3E6 THOUGHTS: IMPEACH LAYTON

No I don't even care actually I hate him.

Not just because he's killed Pike but because he's so goddamn self righteous about it. If any of you guys have watched AoT, and know of Erwin Smith's character arc (best morally grey leader ever), you'll understand what I mean.

Ruth thinking it was all a misunderstanding and she could "clear Pike's name"... I'm in pain.

Also since I mentioned aot, if this was an anime Zarah would have jumped in to save Layton or Ruth would have jumped in to save Pike. In any case, they would have ended up getting stabbed instead. Now that I think about it, that's a good fic idea... (Don't ask me why I constantly think in Anime Terms. It's just who I am).

And ofc she's gonna blame herself. Of fucking course. Kudos to Pike for not saying he's doing it for her even when directly confronted... but even the implication, the knowledge of it, is enough to drive someone like Ruth insane. She's SO gonna blame herself.

This episode basically confirmed that they really did love each other, that they were just...afraid. Especially Ruth. And now they're never going to get their chance at happiness because Pike was STUPID. Let's be real here, the core of the problem is with Layton, but Pike acted with the clear intent to end up dead. He truly believed the best part of him was dead, there was nothing for him to hold on to, and he wanted to go out at least trying to set things right, to prove that Layton is not fit to be the leader any longer.

Also the fact that he said he would never hurt the baby. Also Zarah idgaf about your ugly cgi doll, fuck you.

(yeah no ok I know she was scared and that's completely fair, I just don't like Zarah in general lol).

This week is mostly gonna be me screaming about Ruth and Pike but also I loved the little details about the Tail traditions. Good to see they remember Old Ivan even after all of this. Also hey Astrid's alive, good to know.

ALSO MILES. HE GREW SO TALL. HIS VOICE GOT DEEPER. MY BABY SON GREW UP.... I MISSED YOU MY CHILD!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!! I'm so glad you didn't also die of influenza.

Carly's and Alex's interactions were adorable actually, also kinda gay, I ship it. (Though I will remain an Alex/LJ stan forever)

I feel real bad about Wilford and also I'm very angry re: Audrey, but after everything that happened this episode she can honestly go fuck herself (or Till ig).

Speaking of, the little interactions with Till and LJ. Big Sis Till is back and I'm loving it. No Os tho :((

I hope Roche survives at least. Glad to see him trying for Carly.

I love Lights so much and I wish she ended up with Till bc they're great together.

Asha is a mood, I too would like to hide in a dark hole with my comfort object in order to avoid people. She doesn't have as big of a role as I imagined though. At least not yet.

I can't even bring myself to explain why I'm so mad at Andre. Like the fact he literally only agreed to fight Pike because Pike threatened to expose his lies and destabilise his influence/leadership based on said lies... I think that's what really made me go against Layton. He didn't care about solving any of this, he just wanted to buy Pike off as usual, and when he realised he couldn't, and that Pike knew he was bullshitting the entire train, he decided to fight to the death. This is the biggest issue with his leadership and why he's no longer fit to lead.

Winnie putting her lil doll with Pike's dead body.... AND RUTH IS PUTTING THE BOMB IN THAT DOLL IN THE PROMO FOR EP7??? FUCK ME.

Also I've said that already but goddammit Ruth is just not allowed to be happy huh.

Closing this rant off with the fact that the drinking scene between Ruth, Roche and Till was gold. Just a few seconds, but honestly, vibes. I want a scene of them getting piss-drunk together in the next season. I'm talking WASTED.

Also I hope my prediction won't come true but I feel Ruth will start acting like Roche now. Just...more contained. She has a good poker face, unlike him.

Anyway. Till (haha) next week. Also if the show writers even CONSIDER killing Ruth off, I would like to formally announce that I will find you and I... I... I will steal all your snacks! So you better leave my wife alone!! >:(

[chaoticspacefam]

wonder if part of why the swtor jedi-sith conflict plays the way it does with “sith stans” and etc because the sith empire are functionally saturday morning cartoon villains - “murder and mayhem await!” compared to the more, i guess, believable evil of the republic/jedi following good ideals to bad conclusions and justifying war crimes

I'd certainly say it doesn't help things, you're right! I have...a lot of issues with the Jedi and their portrayal (especially in the Legends/SWTOR era), but I also recognise that a lot of that is very personal to me and that another fan might feel differently. Long, ranty post ahead so if that's not your deal, skip this one.

TL;DR: thinking critically about the behaviour of the Good Guys bad, I guess, since they're the good guys and you're obviously not allowed to use your own agency to decide something they do makes you deeply, viscerally uncomfortable.  And God help you if you disagree with anything they do and cite personal experience behind your (very justified) avoidance of that rhetoric/teaching, because Bad Things Justified If Good People Do Them and how dare you have different personal experiences and responses. If that's what you do, you're doing fandom wrong /s Also, bad writing choices of the writers themselves that perpetuate toxic, harmful viewpoints and/or stereotypes don't mean anything when said viewpoints/stereotypes are the Bad Guys because...Bad Guys Aren’t Supposed To Be People With Rights, Thoughts and Feelings Too, They’re Just Evil, (cringe)

Disagreeing with someone’s opinions is fine, but if you’re going to deliberately expose yourself to content you don’t like and then attack the person that is making the content because they made it and it upset you when you went looking for it....you are, in fact, the one at fault babes. No one is holding you hostage, you can block tags or unfollow a person (especially me. I really don’t care honest to god, if my posts are not your jam just leave. please.) if you hate what they post so much and are unable to just scroll past things you don’t like to stay for things you do. I’ve done it and will continue to do so, and my fandom experience is happier for it. Also, people are human and sometimes we’re tired and we make mistakes like we miss a trigger tag, and you are within your right to come to the person and point that out, but you are not within your right to threaten them because they made a mistake. Then you’re just a dick.

But I still wouldn't be the one going around (passive) aggressively attacking other fans for disagreeing with my opinions and again, this is based on personal experience, but I've seen a lot more of that stuff from "pro-Jedi" people who seem to be conveniently okay with shit like mass-genocide and cultural erasure because "the Jedi are the good guys and the (OT) Sith are fascists!"

I don't interact with the subsect of fans that do think "the (OT) Empire did nothing wrong hurr durr" unironically (and for good reason, I don't agree with that viewpoint either and the fact that half the time the "defence" of these other fans is "well you're pro-fascist then!!" lmao) but there's a very big gap between the OT Empire which is rightfully a mirror of fascism and dictatorial governments and I do, in fact, raise my eyebrows in heavy criticism and disdain at the writers of the TOR-era deliberately choosing to "justify" the ultimate end being said fascist Empire by making the Sith species (and as always I preface this by saying I am in fact white & therefore know I have priveledge and can only "relate" on a much shallower level as POC fans, but there are places where I do find them more relatable than the TOR-era Jedi which reek of conservative, pearl-clutching Christianity (which I spent way too much of my life having forced upon me by the bible-bashing Evangelists(tm) in my family) to me and I just don't have the fucks to give to spend time fixing something that's honestly traumatising for me to be reminded of):

-heavily Indigenous/POC-coded

-"tribal" and not in a properly-researched and respectfully portrayed sense but in a very deliberate "these people are savage and need to be colonised and "sophisticated" by the More Acceptible (Human) Dark Jedi" even though they had their own society, belief systems, and even had technology - just not in the "socially acceptible, conventional sense" I guess

-perpetuating this by adding slavery and all of that can of worms into the mix too, just to drive home the "evil and bad" prototype ig. I'm not even gonna speak more on this part because it just makes me angry.

-Deliberately giving them more "alien" or inhuman characteristics, which while by itself is not necessarily a bad thing, put it together with all the other things?? Big. Fucking. Oof.

-Were literally exterminated and the survivors selectively bred for ONLY the "bad and evil" traits for not agreeing with the Jedi's beliefs. Their own practises and beliefs were automatically "evil" and "wrong" just because they didn't want to "convert" (sniff sniff, Christianity, is that you?)

A direct quote for those who can't be bothered to click and read the link:

For nearly two thousand years, superstition, loyalty and sympathy were bred out as the two groups interbred, and qualities such as cunning, ambition and affinity to the Force were favored, which shaped Sith society over the centuries.[3][21][22] In the Sith Empire, as time progressed pure-blooded Sith were steadily bred out,[6] resulting in only a few pure-blooded Sith left in the Sith Empire by the time of the Great Hyperspace War.[13] Long after, the true species in the Empire were believed to have gone extinct due to the interbreeding process.

And conversely the Jedi:

-Deny young children contact with their parents, siblings and families from the moment their Force sensitivity shows (hmmmm. )

-Continually and actively support the condemnation and Exile of "imperfect" Jedi, hell, it's even pointed out on Wookieepedia, that any Force sensitive, even those who are not aligned to either faction, but that train with or follow teachings that are not Jedi Approved (tm) is labelled as a "Dark Jedi" by the Jedi Order

Although "Dark Jedi" originally referred to a Jedi who had fallen to the dark side, it could also refer to uninitiated Force-sensitives who received no Jedi training but began their careers under another Dark Jedi. Others were simply dark-side users who did not follow the teachings of the Sith or other dark side organizations.

because "oh noooo you do not follow the way of the Truth and the Light you horrible person how dare you defy The One True Correct Teaching, that makes you the Devil Incarnate no matter what" UGH.

-Continuously push the idea (very heavily) that Emotions Are Bad, which just creates a bunch of emotionally-stunted powderkegs unable to recognise, confront and deal with said emotions (and as I've said, I would know, I was one and maybe still am in some ways lmao) , then blames said powderkeg for exploding because they were never taught how to handle the emotions in the first place.

(Fuck "there is no emotion, there is peace", that's not how people work and never will be lmao)

I don't really know what else to say about this to be honest, because even though I've only been on tumblr about a year now, I'm already tired of this constant "I'm right, you're wrong" finger-pointing between those people in the fandom.

Cause to some of these "pro-Jedi" people it's an unthinkable crime to dare to have a different opinion to them and just want to be left alone, I guess. I've literally been attacked for saying "I don't like the Jedi and find dealing with their dogma too traumatising based on personal experience and trauma from my childhood so I'm going to avoid it but you do you"

I've had American Christians (tm) clap back to that with the ever-wonderful "LMAO bitch you don't have religious trauma, you didn't grow up in the bible-belt, stop trying to be edgy, shut up and go to therapy"

(all of this is sarcasm, for those who need me to spell it out for you. I'm still traumatised by the shit I went through and have to constantly check myself and my own feelings because of the toxic "habits" those teachings tried to push onto me as a child and I have zero tolerance and patience for your (not you, ssalmon, but the royal "you" as it were) victim-blaming abuse apologism "gotchas")

because 1) clearly American Christianity and the bible-belt are the only insidious and harmful subsect of Christianity and it's not like the concept of Evangelism as a whole is inherently toxic, harmful, and traumatising to those subjected to it right 2) Obviously there's a Stated Right Way To Be Traumatised and anyone who falls outside of that (Non-Existent) handbook is "faking it for attention" 3) bold of them to assume that curating my own fandom (and life) experience, and refusing to engage with things that trigger me, isn't something that I literally fucking learned in therapy lmao

Also, I find it funny how these are the people going around attacking people like me, who are literally minding our own motherfucking business, but then claim to preach “love and tolerism” and all this other bullshit. Karen, sweetie, only one of us is going around telling people they deserve to be murdered/stabbed for disagreeing with thier opinion about a videogame and pointing out that “hey, that’s...very yikes maybe don’t do that, step back and calm down” and it ain’t me (true story, this happened a couple of months ago and I don’t wanna dredge the post up because it’s very upsetting to think about) People are allowed to have opinions, and they don’t have to agree with your opinion just because that’s what you think, and the second that you sink to sending people death threats because they don’t share your opinion, you are, in fact, the asshole in that conversation.

It was even funnier because the person in question followed me first, I initially thought they were pretty cool so I followed back, then they threw a massive temper-tantrum and threw a bunch of very upsetting and triggering shit at me without my consent because I didn’t agree with them (I’d even put my opinions in tags on MY blog in an attempt to be courteous and not hijack their post with negativity, in hindsight perhaps I should have made my own post in the first place and I do acknowledge that BUT if that’s all they’d said I would have apologised and moved on, quite gladly, there was no need for them to explode the way they did at me for...making a mistake because I’m a stranger on the internet who didn’t know them & wasn’t a mind-reader and I happened to miss a trigger tag that I didn’t think of at the time lmao)

This post is getting awful long and rambly so I'm going to shut up now, but that's my take on it I guess, I hope that's what you were getting at and if it's not I apologise, I've been taking a huge step back and actively just avoiding any and all major posts related to this discourse as of a few months ago because it just infuriates and upsets me too much, it’s not worth the detriment to my mental health, I’m just here to make friends who are also hyperfixated on SWTOR and have fun vibing and talking about our characters, not get into one-sided morality debates with pearl-clutchers. 🤷

[kuwurapikaaa]

Chrollo Character Analysis

I have to warn you, even if this analysis does not have spoilers in the manga, but it is very long and with a dash of personal bias towards Chrollo - Admin MeiQi

Chrollo Lucilfer. One of the main villains of Hunter x Hunter. Leader of the phantom troupe, the band of thieves responsible for the Kurta massacre. Love him or hate him, he is an impressive character from a writer’s standpoint. You don’t know his morality. Like many characters in the manga, you don’t exactly know where to pinpoint him in the morality spectrum. He’s very gray in his morals, and that is what I want to see with a character.

Honestly, Chrollo is my most favorite character to write for, his complex character and his cunning personality easily makes him one of my favorites to stan and write for. Dissecting him is a very interesting thing to explore. - When I said that I can write a 2000 word essay on Chrollo, my friends said that they couldn’t believe that it was true or if I was joking, but here we are, with the quarantine and nothing to do, it has to lead me into this, a 2000 word monster.

His Past and How it affects him.

As of writing, we knew nothing about Chrollo’s past. And I think Togashi is not that interested in Chrollo. In my headcanon, Chrollo grew up roaming the streets of Meteor City. No family, no money, no food, nowhere to go. I can even see Chrollo doing sex work just to get around his life. He had to grow up very fast and was exposed to a cruel society at an early age. So, with his charm, his intelligence, and his sex appeal, he can put anyone around his fingers.

Meteor City is already a rough environment for an adult but you should also think about the children who roam the streets. How would a child interact with an environment as harsh as Meteor City? The city had always been described as this hell hole. Where people throw unwanted things, including unwanted children. Nobody was written in records and nobody knew the place. The city seems like it has no peace and is constantly in danger.

If my dad is writing this, he’d say that Chrollo is “Nagutuman” it literally means “starved”, it means that Chrollo got something taken away from him. Something that is really important. If I am going to paint a picture of Chrollo’s past, it would be less than beautiful.

Combined with Chrollo’s harsh upbringing and some type of mental illness, you have a recipe for disaster. - Perfect building blocks for a villain of a series as complex as Hunter x Hunter. As an aspiring writer, I always looked up to Togashi’s work and how complex the series is. Chrollo’s layers are one of the hardest for me to dissect without writing a long essay. Once you make me talk about Chrollo, I will run my mouth for ages. (Like what I am doing right now)

If I am going to embody Chrollo as one of the seven deadly sins, I think he’d probably represent greed, although envy is very close as well. He was a man with nothing who wants everything. He wants the money, he wants vast knowledge, he wants other people’s nen, he wants all the worldly things.

He was very obsessed with human nature. To the point that he will use this obsession to manipulate another person, and get what he wanted from them. He instilled himself to read books and observe the people around him. He used these books to pick a personality trait. Look, in typical literature, it’s easy to distinguish who is “good” and who is “bad” and personalities are not as complex as humans are.

With no one to talk to, he had this very reserved personality. Then, the books and observations couldn’t suffice anymore, so he started stealing very important things from people to know how they would feel when those worldly possessions were gone to them. When he saw how these people reacted to him doing that, he was joyed. He was happy in a twisted way to see what would happen. 

I would say Chrollo is kinda numb, but can you really blame the man himself? I don’t think so. Nobody looked after him. Nobody cared for him. Not that I’m trying to convince you that Chrollo is a good guy, which obviously is not the case. (Being the antagonist of the series)

Stealing these things made him understand humans, made an empty void in his body filled in this twisted way. But since Chrollo is greedy, these things never satisfied him. I can even compare him to Ging, Gon’s dad. His greed made him leave his son so that he can have all these adventures and stay a hunter forever.

That’s why I would hate being in the hunter x hunter universe. As someone who has a very set standard of morals, I don’t believe greedy people like hunters deserve the privileges that they are taking for granted. I believe that people should have equal rights and people that have privileges should use their privilege in the right way.

What is the troupe for him?

A favorite quote of mine from him would be “I’m not important, but my orders are.” It shows that Chrollo treats and respects each leg of the spiders like his equals. I would even argue that the members of the troupe are the only thing that is important to Chrollo. I would go more into that in the last category.

The troupe is everything for him. His friends, his family, and lastly an extension of himself. The troupe became his identity, the thing that gave him life, and probably the only thing that is making him significant in this world. The troupe members are the only ones who cared for their beloved boss

To form it, he gathered people that he trusted the most. They all shared a thing in common, immensely talented nen users and outcasts. They shared his philosophy. “We can steal anything from you, but never steal anything from us” He built the phantom troupe with immense trust and him sharing the same principles as his members.

The troupe members are the only people that actually know Chrollo and even then, as I observed, he doesn’t seem super close with anyone in the whole troupe, minus Pakunoda and Machi ?? I will expand on Pakunoda and Chrollo at another time.

One of the ironic things I have seen with the Phantom Troupe is how they would go through all that for the death of a member. (With the requiem for Uvogin) But it was also said that in order to join, you have to kill a member. I find it very contradictory. Or maybe they would get mad or be like that when the person who killed Uvogin didn’t join the troupe ?? That is just very ironic.

Although I don’t have an opinion on it, I am putting it out there so that we can discuss it below and what do you think about this ‘rule’ made by Chrollo. It was something I never thought of when writing this analysis or just as I am watching the anime and dissecting the manga.

How would his demise be?

I think his demise would be ironic and symbolic. As an avid fan of Teleseryes, anime, and a reader of many book series, I know what I’m talking about. His death would be satisfying to both him and the reader. I am aware that Togashi defies the tropes of regular shounen manga, but this ending is the best in a way that it is shocking and satisfying.

His death would be bittersweet. - His death would seem cold, yet twistedly satisfying. He would have nothing to lose. I have to stress it again, that he’s a man who has nothing, and for him, death is inevitable. Remember what Melody said? “He walked with death by his side” That means that the man is really prepared for his demise and feels satisfied whenever it would happen at whatever point of his life.

I can see that his troupe members would be in heaven already. Him being cornered by either Kurapika or Hisoka (if Hisoka wants a re-match). He’d be happy if Kurapika killed him because the boy will get what he wants because he knows that nothing good will happen in a life full of revenge. Kurapika will just regret it in the long run.

Yet, he would die with a smile on his face. A genuine smile, not the one that he’s showing to the people he manipulated. It would be the only time Chrollo would feel happy because he can join his troupe members in heaven. (If they are ever going there) He would be happy to be with the only people that he cared about.

In his conversation with Neon, which showed his human side (but of course, in typical Chrollo fashion, he used this vulnerability as an Uno reverse card and manipulated Neon with it) he showed that he genuinely believed in the afterlife. In life and death. In heaven and earth. In sin and forgiveness. In my headcanon, Chrollo is a devout Christian like myself. He prays every night and day.

His favorite bible verse in someone’s headcanon that I also agree would be Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily anger, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This exact verse shows that Chrollo is someone that has sympathy, as much as he is portrayed as evil, in fiction’s black and white principle. But, he always cared for the Phantom Troupe. The troupe is above his life. The number tattoo that they have shows his loyalty and how he would instill to his members that “once you’re a spider, you’d always be a spider”. As said before, the troupe is the extension of his identity.

The million-dollar question: Is Chrollo capable of loving someone?

As much as I am the Chrollo fucker that I am, I will answer you wholeheartedly, No. Why? You may ask. Because at the end of the day, Chrollo is a thief, a wanted criminal with a high bounty on his head. Having a significant other can throw him off from his highly unattainable ambitions, from him achieving what he wants in his life.

When I was writing my OC, Zara, that was partnered with Chrollo, I started thinking about this deeper. Since Zara is an OC of mine that is like the opposite of Chrollo. She wanted simple things like a family and a husband that will love her forever. - Chrollo doesn’t want all of that. As I said before, what he wants is the treasures and knowledge to fill his empty void.

I don’t think Chrollo is someone who is capable of loving someone. - That is my opinion. 

Like he isn’t the kind of guy for a long term commitment. He will fuck, but he’s the kind of guy to leave you behind. He sees that his troupe is far more important than some girl/man that would leave him if they knew he was this wanted criminal.

As much as the troupe is a piece of huge evidence to show that Chrollo is capable of loving people in a genuine sense, but his love for his troupe is limited to familial and mutual respect and trust. It isn’t something that should be taken into a romantic context.

Chrollo’s relationships minus the troupe will always end up in an abusive standpoint. It will always be filled with Chrollo feeding his partner lies about himself just to get what he wants. I said in his past that he never had anything, so he wants to take away everything from other people.

Without his manipulative nature, it would be hard for Chrollo to express love in a genuine way. I can even say that he’s like Kurapika in this department. They both are emotionally constipated people. Yet, they express it in a different way, being traumatized in different ways. Chrollo, unlike Kurapika, he used people to get what he wants and not push them away.

Since I am not a registered medical professional, I am not going to diagnose Chrollo with a mental illness. Like surely he does, but without proper knowledge, I cannot personally deliver it to the reader.

[madllamamomma]

I Think I Have a Problem.... (A personal true story).

So as the title suggests, I have a strange problem…. Just as a warning, this is about my view of my younger self. It is about religion, and gender identity. This is not how I see the world anymore. It was how I told how the world should look. If you are offended in any way, please know this is a vent post and nothing to hurt anyone else. This is just what happened to me as a child. Shit….. This is about to get very long winded, so buckle up and here we go… *takes deep breath*

So a little backstory on your Mother Llama: I was raised in a weird backward ass “Independent” Baptist church most of my young life. If you guys don’t know what those are, be thankful…. But I guess I should explain it the best way I can…. they are a borderline cult. Yes. I said it. I’m not sorry. It may sound like an extreme accusation, but hold on. Just listen to me.

Now, I have no problem with Christians, or religion. You should believe whatever you want to believe in…. I do however, have a problem when religion is used as an excuse to not educate minds about the real world, force them to not let them think for themselves, and when someone questions any of it, they are punished or shamed for it instead of thinking about an answer. If you can’t tell, I am still a little angry about that shit. Imma try to keep on topic here….

I wasn’t taught science (real science anyways, it was all about ‘creation’ bs—OH! And being anything but a cis straight person was compleltly unexceptable. Woman were the weaker sex and were made to raise babies and take care of the husband. Men were superior and should be taken care of.) nor about World history or about other cultures, other than biblical of course. And when they were mentioned, they made them look evil and behave like heathens because they didn’t believe the same as they did. Everything changed when I went to public school half of fourth grade when my family moved to a different state and there wasn’t any church school like I went to. I learned a lot those years, that ‘The World’ wasn’t as bad of a place as they said it was. It was vast and had many things to offer. (No, not the World, Dio’s stan power from Jojo’s bizarre adventures—that is what our pastors called anything outside of the Baptist approved realm. Something ‘Worldly’ was basically something sinful and ungodly and therefor was bad and wrong).

So this may seem like a strange Segway in to what I am actually getting at, but I had a huge crush on this boy back when I was young and it started when I was about 12 or 13 years old and ended when I was 16. He was the same age as me, and he was the son of a pastor of a small church of about 20 people, mostly military families— we will call him.... D.... for dick...

I thought for a long time that I ‘loved’ D. I thought that ‘God made him for me’ (yes I really said that and it hurt to even write it). I really thought I knew what love was back then, but I was very wrong.

D was homeschooled, he didn’t have many friends and was also a navy brat like I was. So, naturally, we got along very well, and I would hang out with him at his house sometimes. We mainly played video games I was terrible at and he would always bet me. But I liked hanging out with him, so I didn’t care if I won or not. My heart for some reason was totally head over heels over D. And he liked me too for a while… or at least I thought he did… He however never made a move. I always thought D was just too shy, and didn’t know how to ask me. Any time I tried holding his hand, I’d chicken out. It was a stalemate. But this particular church did a thing where people had to court. Yes... COURT someone, not DATE (Courting is where you had adult chaperones keeping an eye on you two, you were never really alone. Ever, because apparently you can’t be trusted?). When we both turned 15 yo, D started a private Christian school. Being the awkward girl I was, I never told him how I felt, I just waiting for him to say something. Time passed, and I still waited and waited for him to ask me out.

But here’s the thing! He didn’t know the real me.

I was in public school, in middle school, and I started to become a weeb. Like a super cringy weeb that didn’t like anything else but anime—I was also kinda emo/punk kid thought I was edgy. (Yeah rock music was bad too, it was ‘Worldly’).Not a very good mix for Baptist I know. At school, I was one person, and at church I was another.

Well, being an anime fan meant I was exposed to a lot of things like the LGTB+ community for the first time. A lot of my friends at the time started to come out other than straight and that was very new to me.

During that time, I soon was starting to secretly question my faith, my understanding of my own sexuality and gender. Like, maybe people liking the same sex or both is actually not a bad thing after all (if you haven’t seen any of my works, hopefully you guys know that I know better that what I was taught—I am a proud fuckin’ ally! I still consider myself cis-straight, but some days I feel like I’m bi-curious, and that’s ok! It took me a long time to realize that, but I’m here now. Gender roles are dead and stupid.)

So here is the kicker~ One faithful day we had a guest pastor join us for a few weeks from another church. This mother fuckin’ nasty ass old white man from Alabama came with his ‘perfect quiet godly’ wife. Who badly ever spoke a damn word. She always just sat in the corner all ‘ladylike’.

—Oh!!! Another fun fact, I didn’t wear pants for a year when I was 10 yo becasue that was considered “cross dressing”— I’m dead fucking serious. My parents then decided after attending sporting events and stuff like that to drop that ludicrous lifestyle, becasue it was stupid. So, Outside of church, my family and I still wore pants and shorts and whatever, but in church we pretended that we didn’t wear anything but modest skirts, dresses, and long culottes. (That’s a little damaging…. don’t you think? Telling people your one thing, when in reality you're not like that at all??)

Anyways— I hated skirts, especially wearing them in the state we lived in, it was way too hot and I’d get chafed (these had to be knee length or longer btw). And of course that guest preacher would preach about the sins of women wearing pants, but I didn’t care. I wore them for so long, it just made me angry anytime someone would bring that up. I liked my jeans and I was starting to become a rebel teen who gave less than a fuck and started to speak my mind. Which was dangerous to that community…. Also I had a bad tendency of not keeping my legs together when I bent down, and one time I accidently showed my underwear (that’s really embarrassing btw, it’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s awful when you're 14 yo-- really any age actually).

So, one day I wore a long jean skirt for a youth outing with the church. I was required to wear it, but I always wore leggings underneath so I wouldn’t accidentally show my undies if I fell down or the wind blew it. This fucker had to say something about it. The old man turned to me with a wrinkled smirk as I was passing by him and dared to utter, “Now, don’t you feel most femine and ladylike in that skirt? I’m sure Jesus would like seeing you like that.”

My shoulders clench up tight, my brow furrows. All I can remember seeing is fucking red and actually trembling with fury. (This was happening in my pastor, D’s father’s, own living room mind you.) D was there watching as I blanched about ten shades of red in anger and embarrassed because that prick of an old man called me out in front of everyone. I turned to him and half shouted, “NO! I don’t!” I could see my pastor’s mouth drop to the floor as I began to completely obliterate this old man. But I couldn't stop myself as I started to further cut into him. “—I hate wearing skirts! I don’t feel ladylike! In fact, they make me feel vulnerable! What if some guy tries to rape me! They won’t have any problem getting to me!—Why is something with a whole on the bottom more ladylike than something that actually covers me?! I like pants! They are comfortable and they make me feel safe! Why is that a sin to wear something that is more covering?!?! I’m not cross dressing, my mom bought them in the girl’s session!! [Keep in mind that was a long time ago, I don’t feel like people should care about what section they get their clothes from, wear what you want] And what do you know about wearing a skirt?! You’re a man! You try wearing them! They suck! You need to stop telling me what I can and can’t wear! I’m not dressing like a whore for wearing something with a crotch!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Everyone in the living room was just stunned at my audacity to dare speak to this pastor like I did. But he was so fucking quiet after that. And I stormed out of the house and the guest pastor never spoke to me again about it. Luckily my mom came and picked me shortly after that. She was angry too after I told her what happened. That old fuck singled me out and I was pissed off. I was a teenager and that shit was embarrassing!

But I made the mistake of showing my true self. I think after that moment, D stopped liking me after that.

Some shit went down south with my parents behind closed doors of my household, and eventually they got divorced. They left the small church because the pastor didn’t approve of it. Pastor said that my parents just needed more counseling but he didn't understand that they just needed to not be together. Sometimes you can’t make things work. Especially when your dad is a toxic piece of shit that only cares about himself.

Anyways, everyone in my family left the church, but I stuck around that shit-hole just to see if D would ask me out. I was so desperate, I felt like I waited forever, but really it was like 2-3 years, and I felt like I couldn’t give up. Eventually D and I turned 16. He started to become distant and a little mean towards me and I became confused and started to realize the worst. Finally, I was tired of waiting so I asked his older sister if he liked me on the way back taking me home. I could see it in her face, that she didn’t want to have my heart broken, but reluctantly she told me no. He actually liked another girl at his new private school and was going to ask her parents to court her instead.

I was so devastated.... It hurt so much, I cried myself to sleep that night, and most of that week I was very sad.

Obviously, after that, I stopped going to church entirely, I couldn't show my face anymore. Finally let myself question my faith, sexuality, gender roles, and humanity all together. And realized that religion was stupid (in my opinion at the time) and I came u with the conclusion that people can be sheep. I was a sheep for a long time. And I refuse to be one ever again.

High school was very enjoyable after that, and I let myself grow and started to love other religions and world history, and tried to stop being so judgmental of others and what they felt like. I even got into a relationship with a sweet boy around my age.

Eventually in college, after a break-up with my high school sweetheart, I reconnected with D via FB. Apparently, the church went under and his parents moved away to Greece to be missionaries or something. D still lives in the same town I’m in, but graduated from a “Christian academy”—not Catholic, Christian. Catholic colleges are accredited at least. But he basically told me he was a secret “bad boy” now. He lost his virginity in highschool, (like I did) and he was totally trying to booty call me. Not even hiding it either! He was like, “Hey, Llama, you wanna fuck?”.

And I was like, “D! You broke my fucking heart when we were young! Don’t you remember that???”

And he was like, “Oh no! I had no idea! (the fuckin’ liar). Well, we can fuck now!~ *wink, wink*”

🤨

This is where I was a jerk.... Because he broke my heart. I led him on, told him I would meet up with him at his house to sleep with him, and just didn’t show up—ghosted him ever since. The worst part about that, is I still don’t regret doing that to him. I hope I hurt his feelings and felt like an ass like I did.

So years have passed, I consider myself as a rather successful woman now. I’m 27, I consider myself Buddhist (I am a terrible Buddhist I know), I am an Occupational Therapy Assistant and I have a great husband (I married the guy I was with in high school). And he loves the real me—the crazy closet weeb, cartoon watching, creative, expressive, me! The person who also writes fanfiction about a romance novel and he is fine with it. Because he is a huge nerd too and we are both nerds together.

My husband is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him. When I write about Rhemi and Muriel, I draw a lot of inspiration with our conversation we have and how relationship dynamics are and I think it makes the writing more authentic and makes them feel a bit more real.

I love my husband more than anything… So why do I keep dreaming about that stupid asshole that just liked the fake me? D was and always will be a total tool. He is like the basic bitch of a man. And yet I still find him creeping in my dreams and I try to cheat on my husband with him in them. I wake up feeling totally terrible and weird after them too. D is a terrible fucking person—the worst person you can be in my opinion—The kind of person why lies and tells people one thing, but hides the fact that he’s really just a nasty fuck boy. If you are one, just be honest! Don’t tell another woman you're a good christan man, when really you’ve slept with not just one, but multiple girls! That how you get fucking STDs! I hate being lied to, and I’m sure other girls do too! So I guess that’s why I do, because I felt like I was lied to my entire life. Then again, why should I even care?! Why do I feel like I still obsess over him? I hate him so much now! So why do I even care? Why do I still find myself stalking him on social media? Why does it even matter? Why do I want him to see I’m happy without him? Why do I want him to see what he could have had with me? We were just stupid teenagers! Why did I care so much? Why did it hurt so much when I found out he didn’t like me?! It’s been over a decade, and we didn’t even really date! Why did this affect me so hard? …. FUCK!

So yeah. That’s my long ass rant for you all… thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[5sosbitchfest]

Alrighty, Nonsters.  We currently have 290 Asks in our box!  As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them.  Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down!   I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one.  So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard.  Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings.  Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.  

Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it!  I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!

********************************

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.

[cornholio4]

Loving Spider

Author’s note: this was a one shot I made on ao3 I had decided to continue as a normal story. You can find the story here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13138303/1/Loving-Spider. It is indeed a shameless plug.

It was after school and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was frustrated after what had been going on for about a week. Lila had gone back to her lies and everyone was buying them again, it led to her having to sit at the back while Lila got HER seat next to Adrien.

Of course she had gotten over her old crush on Adrien, but still the seat meant a lot to her as her friendship with Adrien helped her become more confident. But now it seemed like him and the whole class was against her.

Well Chloe, she had been dethroned as the one on top of Marinette’s hate list. For how angry that Chloe had made her after all this time, it never made her so mad that she was in danger of being akumatized or turned the whole class against her!

“I know things are bad Marinette but they will get better, I promise, why don’t you give Peter a call? That is bound to cheer you up!” Tikki suggested popping her head out of Marinette’s bag. Marinette’s eyes opened when she remembered that she had yet to call her long distance boyfriend Peter Parker.

They had met during the Summer when she had her parents had went on vacation to Queens, New York. She had met Peter who was a gifted science geek. She had gotten to know eachother especially when by accident they each discovered the other’s secrets........

About one of them being like a spider and the other being like a ladybug.......

They agreed to keep eachother’s secrets (it was embarrassing to her that all her hard work that she had her identity exposed to someone else). Peter was in actuality New York’s costumed super powered crimefighter Spider-Man. They grew closer, Marinette even helped design his new suit with him to replace the homemade one he had been using before. They had by impulse kissed before they left. But they had been keeping in touch by email and phone calls.

Peter actually knew certain people who gave him someone to help him translate different languages. True as Spider-Man, he reminded her of Cat Noir but as Peter he was a loveable dork. Her parents and his Aunt May even remarked how similar they were. plus it was nice to have someone else to open up about having to keep secret being a superhero.

She got out her phone and started calling Peter’s number, she answered it and asked “Hey Peter, how was Stan’s funeral?” she decided that she didn’t want to let Peter know about her troubles and comfort him. The last email he had sent her told her that Stan, one of the neighbors of his apartment had passed away. he was a nice sweet old man who was filled with stories and advice for Peter when he came to him. The funeral would have taken place by now.

“It was hard to say goodbye to Stan but we had eachother for comfort....... Sorry had to move there....... Still we are able to move on but guess what, on social media my Spidey account was contacted by someone from Insomniac Games and they want to talk about making me into a Game!” Peter told her a bit somberly but grew excited at the last bit.

NYCWallCrawler was the social media account that Peter had set up for his Spider-Man identity. It was becoming quite popular in New York.

Marinette was weirded out by the pauses but said nothing about it, she happily told him “when it comes out you can be sure I will be first in line at my local game store! Sorry Peter, can you hold for a second.........” Marinette sounded apologetic at the end when she saw that Alya and Nino were coming over towards her.

“Marinette, we have been giving this some thought and seeing how lonely you have been and how this has been affecting you.....” Alya told her and Marinette grew a smile waiting for the apology....

“We forgive you.......” Nino finished and Marinette stood there opened mouthed hoping that she heard them wrong. “We know that you just made a big mistake and overreacted from your jealousy, and you don’t need to apologize girl..........” Alya told her with a smile reaching out her hand that Marinette angrily smacked away with her free hand to their shock.

“Good because I got nothing to apologize for! Some friends you all are, I thought I knew you all better than that to go along with this! Now if you excuse me, I have to get back to my call with someone far more worthy of my time and attention than false friends!” Marinette shouted to the shock of the two, the classmates who were nearby and Marinette herself.

She walked away and noticed to her horror that her hand with her phone was still near her shoulder. She then went back to her phone and heard a gasp making her groan realizing Peter heard her shout like that. She should have covered it....

“Wow Marinette, what did Chloe do to get you this riled up this time?” Peter asked with concern making Marinette sigh.

“No Peter, Chloe practically had nothing to do with it this time....” Marinette and she decided to explain everything to him.

“Sorry to hear about that Marinette, from what you have told me I thought your friends were a great bunch that I wanted to meet myself..........” Peter told her apologetically and Marinette gave a sad smile.

“Still I have a great feeling that you will have a big surprise when you get home......” Peter told her cryptically before hanging up. She blinked and put away her phone in confusion.

“Big surprise, what does he mean?” Marinette asked Tikki and Tikki just shrugged, Marinette jsut began walking home. She was ignoring any classmates who tried to walk up to her.

She got home to see a huge crowd in front of her family’s bakery; she saw Nadja Chamack trying to get closer and asked what was going on. “You won’t believe it Marinette. Tony Stark is in Paris for a meeting and he brought an intern with him. A boy about her age and they are in your family’s bakery right now!” Nadja told her excitedly and Marinette blinked in shock.

She then made her way through the crowd and entered through the door. She saw that at the counter was a smiling Tony Stark along with Peter’s Aunt May. She then saw looked to see Peter waving to her with a cheeky smile.

She then engulfed him in a hug, “Tony came to me and my Aunt May about us coming over here on a trip, I have been having to keep a secret from you for some time so I can see your look on surprise.” Peter told her apologetically but Marinette didn’t think much of it.

“Marinette, why don’t you and Peter have some time to yourself and play a game in the living room.” suggested Marinette’s father when Marinette let go of Peter. They went to the living room where Tom already had a games console set up.

They began getting to work playing some rounds of Ultimate Mecha Strike III, having fun. While playing they started talking about recent bad guys they fought and Peter was telling her about a She Ra cartoon he had been watching on Netflix. However her thoughts began drifting towards what had been happening to her recently.

“if you ask me III makes up for the disappointment that II was, the first game set up a high standard that they only managed to match with III...” Peter told Marinette only to see that she was growing a bit sad.

“Is this about the lying girl and the gullible classmates?” Peter asked in concern pausing the game to meet her in the eye.

“I still can’t believe I allow my emotion to get an Akuma after me and I had snapped at Alya and Nino in the middle of our call....” Marinette told him feeling a bit ashamed in herself. Tikki came out when she was sure there was no one else about and gave Marinette a hug on the neck.

“They were the ones who screwed up and everyone has their limits, even the most sweet Marinette.” Peter told her making her blush a bit. “Plus you said that you overreacted when you first saw her and her first lie, well that was another mistake and if they are still buying lies after that then it’s their fault for being gullible. I still have some citizens buying the whole ‘Spider-Man is a Menace’ thing that Jameson spews on about.” Peter continued and Marinette just sighed once more.

“Plus I am not entirely honest myself, it’s not to get attention but i have to hide being Ladybug....” Marinette muttered but Peter picked up her head to meet him in the eyes.

“I know all about that, at least you jsut have to hide Tikki. I have to hide my outfit and equipment. Last time I had to hand wash my suit, my excuse to Aunt May was that I was washing the American flag....” Peter told her causing Marinette to laugh.

“Let yourself cool down Marinette and if they decide to keep being idiots then that’s their fault. You are the amazing sweet girl I am proud to call my girlfriend, you are the one whose a gifted designer who won a contest by a famous designer and was chosen by a rock star to come up with his album cover.” Peter assured her and she smiled.

She then decided to put it out of her mind as she asked if they can continue playing the game. Peter then got an idea and grinned while asking if she would give her a minute. Marinette blinked in confusion but gave a nod.

Peter then got out his phone and went on his social media page and logged in as NYCWallCrawler. He then began typing away:

You want to know Spidey’s tailor? It was made for me by a visiting design student from Paris. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, she designed an album cover for Jagged Stone! She is going to be big one day!

He smirked as he posted it and went and unpaused the game after putting his phone away. Hopefully now more people will know how much better than Lila, Marinette is and hopefully she won’t try and kill him when she finds out.

[ashisbaeee]

Sorry ahead of time for the request being too long but could you do a blurb where the reader (who is not famous) is dating tom secretly but the rumors of him and Zendaya are too much so they break up, and in one interview when the interviewer asks about Tomdaya Tom just blows up and basically exposed he was dating the reader. And could it end it in fluff because I could really use some happy endings right now.

A/N: sis, at the rate of how much of angst I’ve managed to put out, I don’t think this is normal at all, haha. definitely needed to have some balance y’know? Here ya go, I truly hope you like it :) thanks for your request! 

after all these angtsy fics, I needed some fluff in my life.  

1.5k of angst turned fluff.. my heart😩

___________________________

You’ve been dating Tom for about 10 months, no one knew except your families and really close friends(really like your 2 best friends and his best friends Haz and Tuwaine as well as Z and Jacob. You wanted to keep it as private as much as possible. Afraid of the possible backlash from the “fans” and media. 

With promotion of Far From Home, fans and people alike were really interested to see PeterMJ love story. And the promos didn’t help in the slightest. Everyone and their mothers wanted to see the ever so awkward but yet so beautifully portrayed high school relationship. Doing press tours were an added stress. All the interviewers were interested about PeterMJ and how filming went, with the occasional how’s working with Jake Gyllenhaal questions. Every interview had been cut out and edited so that it focused solely on Tom and Zendaya. Completely disregarding Jacob and Jake. Causing a rise in Tomdaya fans and countless pages on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr about their supposed relationship.  Even leading to a rapper to create a song about their relationship.  An attempt to “shoot his shot” with the ever so beautiful Zendaya. If you were being completely honest, it kind of bothered you a bit, but there was literally nothing you could do about it. If you and you alone came out about the relationship, who was going to believe you? They would probably think you were just a huge fan of his who had some grandiose ideations of dating the Hollywood star. 

Tom knew that it had bothered you, hell, it bothered him to no end too. It was moments like those that made him really wish that you both were public. But out of respect for you, and most importantly for your safety, he opted to remain mum. He didn’t want you to receive any hate, knowing how people can be online. Saying mean things behind a phone or computer screen. Not that he’d pay any mind to those words anyway. But you, you weren’t accustomed to this. He did this to protect you. He knew you knew how he feels about you and vice versa and that was all that mattered.

It all became too much for you. Too unbearable to handle. You weren’t as happy as you once were. All of the clips and edits of every press interview they’ve ever had, the constant “updates” on Tomdaya and how almost every interview shoved the idea of bringing PeterMJ to real life. Wishing that Tomdaya would be an actual thing. It all became unbearable. There was only so much your heart could handle. His constant words of reassurance, Z saying that she would never do such a thing, calling Tom her annoying brother as well as reassurances from Jacob and Jake seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing they were saying was making you feel better. It got to the point of being a bit much, becoming insufferable, really. So you did what anyone in your situation would do, you decided to break things off with him. 

That was mentally, physically and emotionally agonizing. You both cried so hard, you both know  that this secret relationship was greatly affecting you both. It was like both of your worst fears were becoming reality-an absolute nightmare, really. 

It’s been about 2 weeks since that fateful day. And those 15 days have been an absolute hell. With the release of the movie underway, there were even more stans. Talking about every detail of their supposed relationship, going back as far as Homecoming. Everywhere you went, wherever you looked that was all you saw; PeterMJ, Tomdaya. If you hadn’t known any better, you started to believe it too. 

Although you’ve broken up, you still watched their interviews. This was one of their last interviews for the press tour. And if you were being brutally honest, you could tell this break up was greatly affecting him. You didn’t have to have Haz, Z, Jacob and Jake text you to know how the young lad was doing. Because truthfully, you were feeling the exact same way. 

You took in his gaunt appearance, he noticed his change in attitude; no longer being his fun, bubbly and free spirited self. They all kept you up to date with him and how he was doing as well as checking in on you. 

You sat quietly as the interview began. After the quick hello’s, how are you’s, and thank you for coming, they began the interview. 

After asking about how the cast felt about working with Jake and out of all the places they’ve filmed and seeing where their favorites spots were came the inevitable topic. As soon as she had started, you noticed that they all had rolled their eyes. If they had rolled them any harder, you could’ve sworn they’d stay like that.

“So Tom, Zendaya, as you both are aware, there are many people, myself included that want to know, is PeterMJ from Far From Home occuring in real life as well?  Your relationship has gained quite the following. You know, I have to say, that your fans are right, you’d both make a lovely couple! I can hear the wedding bells ringing.” she spoke, ending her question err, rather statement with a chuckle. 

He was furious. 

“What the fuck? Are you serious right now? I just don’t get it. We’ve answered this particular question numerous times, and I don’t know how you think that answer will change otherwise but this is the absolute last time I am going to say this. We are not, have not, will not ever be in a relationship so you should let that dream die. We are friends, best friends and it is beyond disrespectful for you all to keep making these statements. If we were indeed in a relationship, why the hell would we say otherwise that we aren’t? Wouldn’t you think we’d share that with you guys? We didn’t share anything because there is nothing! We are friends and nothing more. All of your assumptions and stupid theories of us being together has pushed me to lose the love of my life. I was in a happy relationship with the most amazing girl that ever graced this earth. But due to all of this, it caused her to break up with me. Her name was Y/N, and we dated for 10 months, by far the best 10 months of my life. We’ve kept it quiet because I know how ruthless you people can be. I chose to keep it quiet for her sake. But that was stupid on my part. I shouldn’t have been afraid to tell you guys all about her, we were going to receive hate regardless; everyone voicing their opinions. I knew it bothered her but I thought by keeping it quiet, I was keeping her safe. And that isn’t the case. Y/N, darling, wherever you are, I hope you hear this, I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. As you can see, I’m an absolute mess without you darling. I need you and I miss you dearly” he cried, not caring about how he looked at that moment. 

He took off his microphone and placed it on his seat as he walked passed the interviewer and out of the room. The three stunned at what occurred. 

He ran into his dressing room and pulled out his phone. Instinctively, his thumb landed on your number. Without second guessing, he touched the screen. He was now calling you. 

After a few rings, you answered. 

“Hello, Y/N, darling. It-it’s me, Tom. I-I just needed to hear your voice. I’m so sorry about everything. I-”

“Hi Tom. I just watched the interview, uh, thank you for that. You really didn’t have to say all those things y’know”

“But I did.  I said all that because it’s true. I had to set her in place. I’m so sick and tired of all these people assuming I’m dating my best friend and costar. Like that shit got annoying real quick. But you know, I had to be polite and whatever. But not anymore. Listen, I know this was not how we had planned things to go, but the world knows of who you are now. And I’m glad that that’s finally out. It means that I get to hang out with you and we can do whatever we want and not give a damn about what others think. I know you know that my feelings for you are real and true and I know you feel the same. I love you and I miss you immensely. So uh, so uh, can we please be boyfriend and girlfriend again?” he asked nervously. 

A laugh managed to escape your mouth, laughing at his awkwardness after being so bold. 

“Of course, we can. I wouldn’t want nothing less than that. I missed you too. Hurry back so I can hug you and love you even more, as if that is even possible.”

He let out a chuckle before replying “I’ll be on the next available flight home. So I’ll see you real soon. I love you darling, so very much”

“I love you too, Tom. Always” 

[dobriks-hoeshit]

Exposed: Pt. 2

 Request: Technically not request? It was asked for a couple times to make a part 2 so here I am.

A/n: Here it is! Am I going to rip your heart out again? Or is it a happy ending? Who knows. There’s a possibility this is set up for a part three ;) Also does anyone else just love Natalie?? Because I stan.

Read part one Here :)

—

It’s been two weeks since you unofficially ended things with David. You just couldn’t handle the thought of your boyfriend being in love with his ex. I mean, who could? You were so blindly in love with the boy that you hadn’t even thought about the possibility that he wasn’t all in when it came to your relationship. At least you assumed he wasn’t fully in the relationship if he was in love with someone else. It was hard being separated from someone you’re used to seeing and talking to everyday, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him or forgive him. Not after what he did to you. Natalie was consistently checking in on you, basically being the best friend you could ask for. She was your voice of reason, encouraging you to take as much time as you need but also giving you the bitter truth that you need to talk to David whether you liked it or not.

David had sent you countless texts, calls, and he even resorted to sending you emails. The boy was sorry, you could tell and you weren’t going to be blind towards it, but he broke your heart with a single word. You’ve started mentally kicking yourself for giving him that kind of power and holding him to such a high standard, because he was just a boy. A boy you happened to be completely infatuated with even if he did manage to hurt you in ways you hadn’t even known possible. You had been so enthralled with this one person that you were unable to see anything like this happening. You never saw eight months being thrown into the garbage coming. You never saw you not being enough for someone.

“Have you watched any of the vlogs?” Natalie questioned. Though she was with you as much as she could be in your time of need, she still worked for David and had to stay at the house a majority of the time. You had resorted to FaceTime after the third time David called her while you were together.

“No I haven’t, why?” It was true. You vowed to stop watching his vlogs as soon as you walked out the door that day. You just couldn’t handle it, seeing the boy who broke your heart so easily.

“I just wanted to know if you’ve seen how David’s been acting. He’s really sad Y/n.”

“Yeah? Well you can tell him I was really sad when he smashed my fucking heart into a million pieces.” You seethed into the phone, shock appearing on Natalie’s face. Instantly you felt bad, Natalie was the last person you should be lashing out at right now. “Nat, I’m sorry.” You sighed rubbing your forehead.

“No, it’s fine I totally understand. Stupid thing to say.” Natalie replies quietly, making you feel 10x worse.

“No it’s not. You’ve helped me so much I shouldn’t treat you like that. Let me make it up to you. Coffee in 20? We can go to that little cafe you love so much!” You pleaded, feeling sufficiently shitty for your attitude. A smile broke out onto Natalie’s face before she replied.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” She laughed out causing you to jump up and immediately start getting ready. You two stayed on FaceTime, helping each other pick out outfits and just to have the company. You weren’t used to being in your apartment alone. You were hardly here when you were dating David. You basically lived at his house, even having a part of his closet to yourself. Which really sucked for Natalie because she had to pack up all your stuff for you and bring it to your little apartment. Eventually you ended your FaceTime with Natalie, having to drive to the cafe to meet her.

When you walked in you immediately spotted her, making eye contact shortly after. Once you reached Natalie she got up, wrapping her arms around you in a short lived hug before sitting down again. You followed suit, immediately noticing she had already ordered your favorite coffee. Feeling Natalie’s eyes watching you, you looked up to meet her stare. She looked almost expectant, drawing a confused look to your face.

“What?” You questioned, genuinely confused. She was waiting for you to talk, but about what?

“Y/n I know you don’t want to, but we really need to talk about David.” Her voice was serene, comforting almost as her sentence reached your thought process. You instantly scowled, crossing your arms like a child as you leaned back in your chair.

“Really Nat?” You huffed, turning your head away. You simply didn’t want to hear it, but as much as you wanted to hate her in this moment you knew she was right. Were you going to tell her that? Hell no. You needed to grieve, pick up your broken heart and put it back together. You weren’t weak without David, just sad that he could hurt you so easily.

“Are you pouting right now? Listen Y/n, I know what David did was wrong. I know how much he hurt you, but he’s sorry. I’m not saying run back into his arms, he’s an asshole and he needs to know that, but you need to talk to him. You guys ended so badly and you need closure. Both of you.” Natalie lectured you. 

“I think I got enough closure when he said he was in love with someone else Natalie.” You scoffed, tears brimmed your eyes as you turned your head back to make eye contact with her. “He had months to tell me he didn’t want to be with me. Eight goddamn months he let me go on believing he was completely invested in the relationship. Eight months he let me think we had a future together. Eight months he let me think I was good enough for him.” Your fist slammed against the table you were at, voice breaking on the final sentence. 

Natalie looked almost shocked after you finished talking, clearly not expecting that reaction out of you. She knew you were hurt, but she didn’t realize how personal you had taken it. You looked down, messily wiping at the tears that rested on your flushed cheeks. Before David you had given up on dating, given up searching and waiting. You were just living your life and he happened to stumble into it, making it impossibly better. You had never been one to be so infatuated with a single person, until David that is. Allowing yourself to care so much was where you went wrong you felt. Allowing yourself to give him so much power over you. It had you kicking yourself over and over again. Wondering how you could have been so stupid to have let your walls fall like that.

“Y/n you are not at fault for this. At all. You trusted him, that’s what you do in a relationship. You are more than good enough. So don’t you dare beat yourself up over this and think it’s your fault.” She reached across the table to envelope your hand with hers, giving it a firm squeeze. It was almost like Natalie had read your mind, like she could hear your inner battle with yourself as you did blame yourself. 

“I can’t talk to him right now. There’s no possible way I can stand my ground if I can’t even keep myself together around you!” You exclaimed, running your hands through your hair as you did so. “I promise I’ll talk to him. I just need some time.”

“Okay.” She whispered, “I have to go. Assistant duties, but we’ll FaceTime tonight okay?” She stands up before pulling you off your chair into another hug.

“Yeah sure, Love you Nat” you spoke softly. She nods sending a quick ‘love you’ before walking out of the cafe. Leaving you to sit by yourself, which you used as a couple minutes to breathe before doing as your best friend had moments ago.

Unlocking the door to your apartment you let out a sigh. Grumbling incoherent words to yourself as you made your way to your bedroom, figuring you could nap away your heartbreak. Quietly crawling under the covers before snuggling in. Your sheets were cold, causing a chill to run down your spine as you attempted to close your eyes. Just as sleep started to cloud your brain your eyes shot open in response to a series of knocks at your door. You whined before sliding out of bed and making your way through the apartment. Once you reached the door you instantly opened it, momentarily distracted as you rubbed at your eyes. Looking up from rubbing the sleep out of your eyes you were met with an intense stare causing your breathe to hitch, and not in a good way.

Standing in front of you at your door, was a nervous David Dobrik.

[itsediadmlove]

Reconciliating Westerosi fandom

Alright folk, first of all I am writing this post for 2 reasons: first of all because I’ve come to like this kind of shit (I thought it to be a nuisance 1 year ago), secondly because I’ve had enough of Reading 3 kind of posts this week; post saying the episode was shitty, posts saying Daenerys is a bitch, posts saying Sansa is a slut. I’ve had enough of people being biased or judging the episode from a ship perspective. Dame of Thrones and D&D don’t give a fucking damn about wich ship we stand or our expectations, we are going to watch the whole season anyway. And them giving us the chance to come here every day every week since the beginnig of the season, being unsure about the outcome, speaking to each other, arguing with each other because we expect different things how everything should end is amazing enough. And being wrong about where the story is leading doesn’t make the deliverance any less majestic.

 Episode 4 was amazing, shit is hitting the fan and the fans and we are back to what game of thrones should be: ‘bout the game of thrones. This season is being far superior to season 7, which in comparison felt plain and predictable (even Starkbowl being a fake was predictable). I have previously wrote a post about this episode in particular and I am going to take my time explaining why both Sansa and Daenerys were awsome this episode. Maybe I’ll repeat myself at some points, but I want the people to stop shitting about what other people believe to be right and take some serious insight on what those characters are doing.

 The last thing I want you to keep in mind before I get started is that I’m pretty aware that I am not a native speaker, and my english can be messy. So if anyone feels like wanting some kind of deeper explanation about what I mean at some point, I invite them to talk with me whenever they want, no matter the ship they stand or whatever; this is not about ships this is about characters understanding so we can enjoy the show without biased or shitty mindsets. I am also aware that I am not a great writter and I believe there is people around far better at exposing themselves.

 -        Daenerys: Amazing episode, the Dragon Queen is finally playing the game herself. Personally I reconciled with her this very episode. I doubted she was able to play the game, this very episode prove me wrong. First we got the Gendry legitimation; clever, as Tyrion pointed out it provided her a loyal (at least theorically) lord of Storm’s End, but it also allowed her to send a message to Sansa Stark about her claim to Winterfell which she could at least jeopardize just by doing something as simple as that. The chamber’s stuff was another amazing display. It allows us to see her concern about Jon’s claim to the Iron Throne. Being fair to her she was right about almost everything. Jon not wanting the throne doesn’t matter at all; even if he never pushed his claim, it will always be an excuse for every single lord around to contest her right to rule over them forcing her to take action making her a tyrant. She was right on the crypts as well (ep2); Jon’s right to the IT will always be shitty, his only prooves are his brother visions and a book anyone could have written, but it doesn’t even matter if it is true. Remember Stannis people, he was right all along about being Robert’s heir, and yet no one gave a damn just because they never wanted him as King. Now we got to the controversial part, her badmouthing Sansa. Yes It is true, but well, there is a throne at stake. For me at this point Daenerys has been thinking about the parentage reveal consequences and being true, the only way to prevent all the shit to come through is having Jon murdered, because even as looking for a way out, once she doesn’t need him anymore and Cersei is done for, she would have to spend all her life out of fear that someone learned the truth. I really believe she loves Jon. During the war council she was in a rush to leave, and I believe that she is actually trying to prevent Jon to tell his family and not because she gives a fuck about her people, after all, she is the very same person that in the books had a huge amount of ill people under her protection in Meereen just because they needed it. In all she is trying to manipulate him while lying herself. Before people start splitting on her (or me)   because of it, if at some point you have been invested in Pol!Jon  theory it seems unfair towards Daenerys to blame her to do exactly the same thing to him. Because what she is really trying here is to keep him safe. As I said before, at this point she should have already contemplated the possibility of murdering him, but she doesn’t want this to happen. Yet, we have to admit that she has already invested to much in Westeros, she has already sacrified to many things and people in her quest, to just back off. She has a responsability to all that people who have died in order for her to get there, and if she risked just because of a hot guy, it would feel to me as a betrayal to all those people, Friends and lovers she has sacrified, she wouldn’t deserve to be a queen while killing Jon would turn her into an usurper. Maybe I don’t like her as a Queen, yet I admire the character, it would be shitty for her to turn mad just because she wants power. If I should describe Daenerys in just one Word it would be passionate; in her way to fight, to rule, to believe on herself and, finally, to love. I don’t know how it is all gonna end, but, if she had to turn Mad, I would feel very displeased if she turns so just because she is ‘’POWER HUNGRY’’, it should be because of love. At some point Daenerys has to stop lying to herself and accept she can’t protect Jon, each death she suffers should push her to the edge, not because she is too sensitive, that woman has crossed the world fighting her way out doing great and terrible things, she isn’t weak, but because she has a duty to all those who believed in her, and for a queen, let a man just take it all away, even the very risk of it happening, should be out of question. And the more she lose, the more she feels endebted to her people and the more she understands, that at the end, she will be forced to kill the man she loves, admires, trusts and considers worthy of being a King. It should be heartbreaking, unfair, saddening and Shakespearian.

 -        Sansa: As always since the sixth season, her character was brilliant this episode. It is true that this episode was far more focused on Daenerys and yet Sansa always get the chance to be outstanding. I loved the political dance between her and Dany this episode. I will go straight to the point; the battlement scene with Tyrion. Sansa isn’t happy there, so much is evident. For some episode now she had been shown around people that were essential in her past (Theon, Tyrion, Sandor). All of them are people that tried to protect her one way or another, the problema is that all of them are related to some piece of her past she doesn’t want to remember. The only reason why Dany made reference to her in her convo with Jon is because she has realised how important he is for her. Everyone can believe if there is any romantic feeling or not, I’m not here to talk about what you all should believe, bute ven if it is just platonical sibling love, Jon is the only male character related to all of her good memories; from her childhood in Winterfell to the present, while being innocent or unrelated  about all the bad ones. This means he is very important to her, important in an extent that is even hard to understand. It is true that he asked something from her and she betrayed such trust; and so? You all antis go around speaking about how she betrayed him without giving a thought about why she did so. Right now, denying Sansa being one of the smartest characters around is just plain and simple denial and her scene with Tyrion was key this episode. There are two emotions in her in such scene: anger (for Jon to leave south) and fear. Anger was pretty easy to get, Tyrion realised, she was unhappy, now, fear shows u when Tyrion ponted out Jon not being a Stark, because this is the very reason that makes him going south dangerous. Sansa is brilliant and she has been thinking ‘bout the parentage reveal as well. And her conclusion is just the same as Daenerys: Jon is going to die because Dany needs him to die. Why she broke the promess: as I see it she has gotten the picture, Dany can’t kill Jon yet, as long as Cersei remains in the throne she needs him to keep the North and the Vale, so if she is going to do something about it, it needs to be now, so she plaid her move, not because she is power hungry, but because she wants to protect him just as much as Daenerys.

 It would be nice for us to be able to stan a character without disrespecting others, or at leasst other fans. The last thing that I want to tell all of you is that I had enough of people throwing the mysoginist bullshit over other people. I really believe GOT is full  of amazing females characters to putt he blame on that. Sure, the world of ASOIAF is unfair with women, welcome to middle age fuckers. If it wasn’t like this we couldn’t relate to such a period. Yet a pretty lot of people needs to defend their faves by pushing the mysoginist bullshit over others, it is pittysome and annowing, the very fact that such a large extent of our faves are females you speak against D&D being such a thing; females characters are amazingly complex here. The very same persons needing to pull such a vague and wrong reasoning over others are the very same people that go saying this or another female character is ‘’POWER HUNGRY’’. I will tell you a secret both Daenerys and Sansa are ambitious (fuck what a revelation) and I find it disgusting that is have to be a guy like me who has to tell you that women being ambitious (doesn’t matter it being Sansa or Dany) is perfectly right thing and they don’t have to love each other just for both of them being women.

[starfaring-princelotor]

Allura.... Allura is fucking racist how did I not even think about this before??? I mean, I get it, they destroyed her planet and her kingdom her father all of that, but she pins the actions of a single man with a group of followers on an entire fucking race. Like, Keith revealed to be galra? Nothing about him has changed except some new info arrived, but that has always been there, just unknown. I honestly cant stand allura....

Rather annoying, is it not? I wonder why she gets easily overlooked for her racist tendencies? Everyone is a little racist in the show, but DW doesn’t sugar coat her acts towards the Galra. Either through Keith, the BOM, and myself included, it is pretty obvious she holds us in something worse than contempt. Canon is simply a mess, but allow me to share with you a way Allura could have changed for the better. Let me see. Who else had the biggest influence on her in regards to the Galra and someone who she looked up to for the majority of her life?

King Alfor.

Before I continue, I should caution those who are hardcore Allura stans, whether fanon or canon, that you may not like what you read if you wish to continue. Especially if you view Allura as perfect and who grew for the better, for this talks more into exposing her flaws and criticizing DW for coding her as racist.

Also, big thank you to @legendofcarl for beta reading this. 

Many times throughout the earlier seasons, she states over and over again how her father sought peace and was a virtuous, intelligent leader. She was mostly riding his coattails and name dropping, though that does not mean she was wrong to be inspired by him or reignite hope in others with his title alone. In fact, it is a good thing to have a mentor.

Allura knows he messed up, as his AI even stated, and she understands that his mistake cost many lives. She put a lot of effort to fix her father’s mistake, an honorable goal and, ultimately, done out of revenge, too. A huge responsibility was placed on her shoulders as a Princess, daughter of King Alfor, the “last” living Altean of the universe.

However, let us take a step back and look at King Alfor from a larger point of view.

Coran explains the history of Voltron. He first starts out with a very important fact:

“In the beginning, the paladins were just five leaders, who despite coming from cultures which were vastly divergent, and in some cases, had been warring for generations managed to look past their differences in an effort to protect their common interests.”

The critical take away from this is that they were not initially allies. Some fought each other. Brutally. Now, the degree of fighting and number of death tolls may vary, but understand that they did have wars. Take note that they all joined together BEFORE Voltron was even created. This is a mutual agreement that turned into friendship, where all agreed to fight off those who wish to bring harm upon their solar system.

I will say this again. This is BEFORE Voltron was created, before Zarkon became poisoned by quintessence, before Honerva became obsessed with the Rift.

Why is this an important fact? The comet, the Rift, and the creation of Voltron is what started the friction between the group. I wholeheartedly believe that Allura first started seeing Galra as the “bad” guys when she first woke up from her slumber. Not before King Alfor used magic to knock her unconscious. There, she still had a young mind in the concerns of war. Much of her virtues were the same from S1-S3. Defeat Zarkon and everything will be a-okay.

However, when she awakes, her one-track sight transitions from hating Zarkon to hating everything and everyone who are under his Empire, who even look like a Galra, because Altea is gone, everyone she grew up with is gone. She had no chance to save them thanks to her father’s final decision. Altea was obliterated from the universe by Zarkon’s will. Perhaps if King Alfor had succeeded in fighting against Emperor Zarkon, she would have had more time to understand the true meaning behind the Galra ruler’s attack because I highly doubt Allura’s father explained every, single important detail to her.

You can see this by the way Shiro insists that Coran and Allura share the historic knowledge of Zarkon, Alfor, and Voltron.

“I know this is painful to talk about, but if we’re going to stop Lotor, it’s time we heard the rest of the story.”

But why didn’t Alfor explain all this to Allura? Why didn’t Alfor’s AI memory say anything? Is it because parents have an uncanny ability to shelter their children from their own past mistakes? Or was Allura so grief-stricken with the fact that Altea was gone, she hyperfixed on the past? Maybe Allura knew this history, but decided to keep it stored away as something irrelevant to the present circumstances? Was she purposely hiding information from the Paladins?

For whatever reason, let us say Allura did not know the entire history.

Yes, Alfor admitted that hiding the lions was a mistake, though if he explained why Zarkon was still alive, why Zarkon wants the lions, why his best friend went mad with power, then she would have a better understanding of how to take him down or, best route, not hold vengeful prejudice views of the Galra as a whole and instead see that the destruction of Altea was both Zarkon AND Alfor’s fault. Not because Alfor didn’t fight back, but because, as he said, it was too late. Zarkon has been given too much power for Alfor to fight against.

I am stating this: Alfor never saw Zarkon as this “evil Galra.” He saw him as a legitimate friend who became sick with quintessence until it led to his demise, despite the signs being glaringly obvious from the beginning. Alfor and Zarkon insisted on continuing the Rift and quintessence research for the greater good. They say this clear as day to each other.

Zarkon: Endlessly powerful ships for the Galra Empire.

Alfor: And an endless source of clean energy for the entire system.

Yes, King Alfor insisted they close the Rift after the initial creature came through, but there is a key point to take from their post conversation. Both of them knew what they were getting into and Alfor, albeit reluctantly, still supported Zarkon’s decision.

Zarkon: Your ships are the most powerful machines ever created. Who knows what else may be discovered if we continue working?

Alfor: You would risk your entire planet, the entire solar system, for what? For more power?

Zarkon: You know it’s more than that.

The discovery of quintessence, other realities, this was a dream come true for Alfor and Honerva. Alfor knew when to stop, but did not know HOW to stop his friends. He was not only fearful of the power of quintessence and the Rift, but also how it affected the minds of his allies. Was Alfor right in turning his back to his sick friends? No, but he did so anyways, and risked destruction on Daibazaal and his allies.

Alfor knew Zarkon was too obsessed, knew Honerva was too sick, and left them.

Then, Zarkon does realize the error of his ways when Honerva fell ill. The good old “I will do anything for the one I love, even lie to my friends” trick. Tragic, but it works, and we all know how that story ended. Both Zarkon and Honerva became overexposed to quintessence, which changed them completely. Apparently, Honerva transitioned into Haggar and lost part of her memories. Zarkon, however, seemed to still retain his past, for he became focused on obtaining Voltron.

For what reason? The show keeps saying it is because he wanted to rule the universe and Voltron was the only one able to stop him. Voltron was the only way he could rule the other realities, as well. Personally, I do not believe either of these options, but that is another story for another time.

One thing I would like to point out is that, while Zarkon was unable to rule Daibazaal, Alfor still sought to save the population by evacuating them to Altea and other planets in their solar system. Alfor still cared enough for Zarkon as a royal friend. He understood that all the grief which happened between Voltron, the comet, the realities, the quintessence, the paladins, it not only affected them, but the people who trusted them to rule as well. Alfor sought to save the Galra by any means possible, even if it meant destroying their home in HOPES to close the Rift, too.

The scary thing to understand from Alfor’s reckless decision to obliterate the planet? He could not have anticipated Zarkon’s recovery and powerful, vengeful strength once hearing Daibazaal had been destroyed. His home, the one he was unable to protect, the people he was unable to help, the wife who became someone else entirely, all resulted from his time being “dead.” I also find it personally disturbing that, whether or not Zarkon knew there were Galra ON Altea and other planets, he still only focused on ending Alfor’s life, despite the oncoming casualties from his own people.

Here is something many overlook. Zarkon does not blame all of Altea as a race for the destruction of Daibazaal. He solely blames King Alfor. His race was not mentioned at all, therefore he lashed out at someone he thought was his friend.

But why is it important to know all this? Ever heard of the famous saying “those who do not learn from history tend to repeat it?”

Who else was unable to rule due to being otherwise incapacitated for a long time? Who else woke to the knowledge that their home was gone? And who else immediately sought out to kill the person that purposely destroyed everything they knew?

That’s right. Allura. She has more of the same history as Zarkon which is why I truly understand she would be a ruthless ruler who would enslave planets like the Empress mentioned in the Altean AU.

Yes, in the canon AU, part of her righteous goal was to free planets from Zarkon’s hold, end the war, but you can not convince me that Alfor’s death, Altea’s death, her culture’s death, did not partake in her decision to take him down. In the very first episode of Voltron, Zarkon states “I shall wipe that foul race from the universe…” and, yes, this is a very racist claim. But you may be asking, why does he say this? Is it because he had years to cultivate the prejudice that Alfor, someone he considered his friend, turned on him? I believe that Zarkon’s degrading mind slowly began hating not just him, but Alteans as well, even if he already reaped his revenge on billions of innocent lives.

The same thought process happens with Allura as Voltron slowly saves worlds. Perhaps initially, when she awakens, she understands that Zarkon is the cause of this war. But over time, while freeing other planets under the hold of Galra bases and fighting Galra face to face, she began associating all of them to be a “blood thirsty, murderous race.” This is a terrible, terrible path to go down and, oh, if only there was SOMEONE she looked up to that could explain that lumping together an entire ethnicity based on prejudice views will only cloud her judgement in every decision she makes.

If only Alfor told Allura that Zarkon was his friend first and foremost. I am a firm believer that the best friendships form from common interest, not common race, and DW showed this clearly with the first paladins of Voltron. It is too bad they did not keep to it throughout the entire show.

Let’s examine Allura’s first encounter with the Galra outside of the Empire: Ulaz. Shiro vouched for Ulaz, claimed over and over again that this “evil” Galra helped him escape from Zarkon’s clutches. Ultimately, I believe that without Ulaz’s help, Voltron would not have been found and the storyline of the entire show would not have progressed. What is the first thing Allura says to Shiro once he mentions that Ulaz is a Galra?

“You know you cannot trust them.”

Allura takes on a very close-minded view of him, despite the fact that he has not done anything to HER directly. She says that the Galra can not be trusted more than twice during this episode and obviously does not hide the fact she intensely hates them at first glance, no matter who helped or aided her friends in the war. More often than not, she openly states her own opinions before thinking twice about her words.

Remember their conversation?

Allura: I will not have some quiznak-ing Galra soldier on the bridge of my ship!

Ulaz: If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.

Allura: Are your Galra threats supposed to win my trust?

Ulaz: I’m not trying to win your trust. I’m trying to win a war.

And yet, we clearly see her prejudice misconception already clouding her judgement, making her spit out venom to a man who saved Shiro’s life. Who saved the BLACK PALADIN’S life. Allura is so adamant about protecting the universe and the paladins that she purposely avoided telling them the small bit of history she knows about her father and Zarkon. She claims that “I wanted to protect you from the dark history of the paladins so that you would have a chance to bond with your lions on your own.”

I do not know about you guys, but knowing all the history of war is vitally important so miscommunications do not lead to irreversible decisions. The Princess hiding this information, as well placed as her heart is, means trouble when her misguided views of the Galra once again rear its ugly head. When news that Zarkon’s robobeast is headed to their location in the crystal clusters, who does she immediately accuse?

Ulaz. And again, “I knew he cannot be trusted!”

And once more, when Ulaz “fled.”

“I knew we should never trust a Galra!”

My biggest issue here is that she changed from “I cannot trust the Galra” to “WE cannot trust the Galra.” She is unconsciously imposing her views on the other Paladins. Right after Ulaz sacrificed himself, I half-expected the Princess to apologize to Shiro for doubting him. Yet, it was Keith who apologized to him after recognizing that Ulaz, despite being a Galra, rescued them from destruction.

What does Allura say when Shiro is grieving over Ulaz and the question of how Zarkon tracked them floats in the air?

Keith: Do you really think Zarkon is tracking us?

Allura: We cannot know for sure. Only Ulaz knew our whereabouts.

Shiro: You don’t really think Ulaz gave us up? After he sacrificed himself?

Keith: Yeah! Maybe Zarkon found out about this place on his own. He’s probably been searching for the Blade of Marmora.”

Allura: It’s clear the loss of Ulaz has caused you great concern, but, regardless of how Zarkon located us, we cannot stay here any longer. It isn’t safe.”

This scene rubbed me the wrong way completely. Not only does Allura brush off Ulaz’s sacrifice and Shiro’s grief like a flippant “Oh, he was just another Galra,” she does little to nothing to honor him because of how strongly she clings to her views that “I should never trust the Galra.” She refuses to see that it is not just the universe that are suffering under Zarkon’s rule, but the Galra who are actively fighting AGAINST him as well.

At this stage, she can’t differentiate that there are good and bad Galras, and keeps to holding them in the “never trust” side like it is their responsibility to make her trust them in the first place. It is very disgusting to view an entire race as “I don’t trust you, so good luck changing that!” because of ONE Galra’s actions that directly affected her. Is she right to be angry at Zarkon? Yes. The rest of the Galra? No.

She lacks the empathy for the Galra race as a whole and on the individual scale.

This leads to her first magical self-growth dealing with Keith, which you can read all about at @legendofcarl’s meta here. So, yes, she changed for the better, learned her mistakes and admitted she was wrong. I will be honest, her entire attitude towards Keith during his own personal self-discovery was probably the most off-putting aspects about her character. Friends are supposed to support you in times of difficulties, but here she does not hide nor try to reason at first that her actions towards Keith are very improper and rude.

Which is odd coming from a person who claims diplomacy first, but only to races she does not discriminate against.

I was glad she “saw the light” with Keith, but then, disappointed once more when she reluctantly accepted the Blade of Marmora’s help in fighting Zarkon. She jeopardizes the mission and throws in their face that it is THEIR fault for holding back. Allura does not understand the struggles BoM went through over 10,000 years of war and, perhaps, people may see her me-first command not racist at all.

Kolivan: We need to abort the mission immediately.Allura: Abort? No! We cannot back away now.Kolivan: The Blade of Marmora does not take chances.It’s how we’ve survived for so long. Allura: It’s held you back. Your caution is the reason Zarkon is still in power.Kolivan: We would rather wait than jeopardize everything.

Allura clearly did not think things through at all when arguing with Kolivan, nor did she watch was she was saying. Not only was she disrespectful, but she also decided on her own how to handle plans that the BoM carefully laid out. Speaking over Kolivan like this and undermining his work was completely unnecessary on Allura’s part. Does his race have anything to do with it? I would think, yes, because if Kolivan was any other leader of any other race, she would not have rudely stepped into his leadership role. She is not being diplomatic here, she is being controlling.

Lastly, let us examine the final “battle” Allura faces with racism. Yours truly, Lotor.

It is already established that Allura views Alteans in a more pure light, “can do no harm” despite her father’s ONE fuck-up that cost many lives. Not just Altean lives, but Galra and every other race in the universe. And yet, when she discovers that it was an Altean working with Zarkon, she never once looked back and thought, “Huh, that’s troubling. I should probably look into that since I thought I was the LAST living Altean in the universe.”

Even in “Hole in the Sky,” the alternate universe where Empress Allura stops the Galra Uprising, she does not once think that it was problematic to bestow “justice” on the Galra. The show does a good job of leaving details out in the open and many are wondering if the Galra race in this alternate reality are eradicated from history or enslaved. Though, I am more inclined to believe that Empress Allura enslaved the Galra from the uprising rather than kill them.

Why did I come to this conclusion? The hoktril. Throughout the entire episode, it was clear to the audience that a race’s freewill was forcefully being taken from them. Of course, Princess Allura does not immediately see it that way. She first sees that Alteans are alive and flourishing. She first recognizes them before understanding that these Alteans have enslaved their universe. The storyline basically paints Empress Allura as Emperor Zarkon, or rather, what WOULD have happened if Allura had succeeded in taking down Zarkon.

Even Keith tried to reason with her, yet Allura kept her focus on the fact that Alteans were The Best.

Keith: Maybe you should think about this, Allura. It wasn’t that long ago that we thought all Galra were bad. Maybe things aren’t as black and white as she’s making them out to be.Allura: Keith, these are my people, and they may be the strongest allies we have in this war.

One thing I would like to point out is that both Emperor Zarkon and Empress Allura took their hate out on race as a whole, not just against the ones who did them wrong. Both were deluded with their own views of conquering the universe. Empress Allura through spreading “peace” and Emperor Zarkon through endless war. Both took on this view because of a great loss they were forced to endure.

When it comes to a certain Prince, Allura’s “Alteans first” mentality really rears its hideousness once again. At first meet, she blatantly groups me with the Galra by stating I was the “leader of the most bloodthirsty race of murderers this universe has ever known.” I will always bring this back because, after knowing her own Altean race in the alternate reality were not good by her standards, she still sees that their progress had “the best intentions in mind.” Yet, with myself and the Galra, she does not give us the same benefit of doubt at all.

It takes patricide for Allura to even see me as different. It takes the knowledge that my mother was Altean, therefore making me half-Altean, for Allura to trust me a bit more. It takes me crossing the universe, giving her magical powers that I have been searching and studying for centuries, just to have Allura’s smidgen of approval. And, sad to say, it was not even an approval for my Galra side! It was an approval that I was less of a “bad” Galra and more of a “good” Altean!

Do I really need to point out how wrong it is to think of anyone in such a way?

She fell in love with her own ideals of Alteans and pretty much viewed only that side of myself, despite the fact that I am a mix of two races. Allura clung to my “good” side, regardless of clear evidence showing that not all Alteans are righteous and not all Galra are war-mongers. I doubt she really understood my struggles over the span of 10,000 years and that I am not just the child raised in war. I mean living as a half-Altean, half-Galra child coming to terms about myself and the stereotypes of both ethnicities.

I may have accepted my heritage, but Allura did not. That already points to red flags.

The bigger issue with this is that, when shit hit the fan, Allura listened to an Altean over myself. This entire scene reminded me again of Hira and the Altean AU where she listened to her people first and foremost. Does she not view me as someone who is also part of “her” people? Why? Because I am of mixed races? Because I am not a full Altean like Romelle? Because I do not look Altean? It seems like when “full-blooded” Alteans are presented before Allura, she completely throws out all of her morals for the sake of “her” people.

Yet, in the face of Galra, all that prejudice and stereotypes come rushing back. When Zarkon destroyed her home world, she blames the entire Galra race. When Hira, ONE Altean, said Allura was no Empress, she specifically said “You’re no Altean.” Yet, when Romelle, a stranger, an Altean from her reality, appears and accuses myself, the half-Atlean man she supposedly harbors feelings for, of murder? Again, Allura shows she can not differentiate between race and individuals.

Then she purposely used her hatred for the Galra and for Zarkon to insult me directly. It is no wonder I immediately reacted and compared her to King Alfor, the man who failed to protect his own people. I hurt her where she hurt me the most and, no, I was not thinking about “Allura is Altean, so is King Alfor. This is a perfect jab at her!” If I hold any contempt to Alteans and the Galra, it is not at the same racist level as Allura.

Both of us grew up in different environments, but I am less racist than Allura. Being ostracized from the Galra is not the same as Allura hating the Galra as a whole because of Zarkon’s will. Zarkon did not specifically say “Hey, loyal subjects, once you see Allura, just spit on her. Hate on her as much as you can. Make her life of 10,000 years totally awful.”

Facing such prejudice from the Galra is one reason which, I believe, is why I open up to Allura. Unbeknownst to her, I already met and spoke with Alteans from the colony and somewhat felt accepted by them. Maybe I even saw that there were good Alteans in the universe, aside from the only other Altean I grew up with: my mother who neglected me from birth. Perhaps I thought Allura would be just as kind and understanding like those from the Colony.

Nope. Allura proved to me that there are bad Alteans in the existence, not just Haggerva.

But let us analyze the friendship between Alfor and Zarkon, since DW enjoys comparing them to Allura and I respectively in the show far too often. Both are kings of their planet, respected by their culture, and care deeply for the safety of their people. Both kings used the power of the comet for their own need and, initially, both were careless with the miraculous capabilities of quintessence. Yes, one can argue that Honerva was the one who pushed Zarkon towards the tipping point, but it was Alfor who started it all and Alfor who turned his back on them when his leader needed them the most.  

This is not to say it is completely his fault. The main point to take from this is that King Alfor nor Emperor Zarkon saw each other by their race. They saw each other as allies with the same goal in mind. If only Allura and I could have worked the same way, moreso on Allura’s part since her racist views started the moment she woke up from her 10,000 years of slumber.

From all of this, I can wholeheartedly conclude that I am more like King Alfor and Allura is more like Emperor Zarkon. I do mean that in a literal sense, too. Take it like this: I helped empower her with magic that will aid her in the long run, we both worked closely to learn about quintessence, both sought to defend the universe in some way, yet when plans went awry and I tried to reason with her, she used her power to take control of the situation.

However, whereas Alfor saved Zarkon while he was in the Rift, despite his second betrayal to the team, Allura and the Paladins abandoned me to my fate over one accusation that had no grounds of proof or evidence. I suppose we were never really allies or friends if trust could so easily be broken like this, regardless of what the show made the audience believe. I truly wish DW was more inclined to start off the alliance between the Paladins and I with friendship. Friendship with all of them, not just romance with Allura, because it only enforced terrible tropes when a major plot movement was involved. Even worse that they involved racial discrimination between Allura and I.

TLDR; Allura is racist and has actually degraded as a character thanks to DW’s lack of insight.

[kylandara]

A very interesting take. I would sadly agree Jon fell from grace, because whether political Jon is true or not, he enable Dany this far to cause the destruction she did. Not that Dany doesn’t get the max blame, but Jon has his share for his own soul. I can almost imagine his PTSD when this is all over. Onwards

——————-

The hysterical reactions to Dany’s dark turn were initially amusing to me because I enjoy suffering, but as this week has gone on, I have grown more disconcerted by 8x05 myself. I am not an emotional person by nature, but each day I am more agitated by the episode rather than less. I didn’t know exactly why it bothered me so much until I realized that I was running through the same stages of grief that Dany stans were.

Both of us lost our heroes.

I had been laughing about Dany stans not seeing where her arc was going when there is ample foreshadowing in books and show as pointed out in articles, metas, posts on Reddit, answers here on Quora, YouTube videos, wherever it is you go for GoT fan content, Dark Dany has been discussed. I thought the proof was so overwhelming that to not see it meant you were in denial.

I did not know I was in denial myself.

I thought Dany stans were watching a different show than the rest of us.

The truth is, I was watching a different show than some of you.

As much as this has frustrated me to no end, I think it has been the greatest success of GoT that D&D have exposed us to ourselves. Or at least, it would be if we pulled ourselves away from our feelings long enough to acknowledge what’s been staring us in the face the whole time.

Dany was not the only hero who fell from grace Sunday. I have been grieving for my own.

Dany burned thousands, tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of people Sunday, a horrific and inevitable event.

My hero stood by and watched. Worse, my hero knew it was likely to happen and enabled her. Even worse, my hero marched his men South to help her. And still worse than that, when Varys looked him in the eyes and said they knew what was going to happen, Jon refused to even try to stop her.

My hero did not commit the inexcusable evil that Dany did (Yes, EVIL. Yes, INEXCUSABLE.) But my hero did not take a stand. My hero was not heroic. My hero stood by helplessly while children were burned alive. How harshly did I condemn Stannis and the Red Woman for burning Shireen because I loved her? How harshly should I then condemn Dany for the same crime tens of thousands of times over? How harshly did I judge Stannis’ enablers for not stopping him? How harshly must I then judge Jon for not doing something, anything before Dany burned King’s Landing?

Dany stans justified every life she took before 8x05. I justified every life Jon had taken. No, there is no moral equivalence between those, but on Sunday, both committed wrongs that there is no justifying. Again, there is no moral equivalence between Dany’s actions and Jon’s inaction, but I realized my emotions as a Jon fan have been paralleling to a much subtler degree, Dany fans.

They are shrieking about bad writing and OOC behavior, and I have been saying much the same of Jon. But, maybe I was just as deluded as they were, believing what I want rather than paying attention to what I was seeing.

I thought the Battle of Winterfell was bad writing. I didn't think D&D were actually trying to tell us something about Jon, but maybe they were. Yes, his strength is uniting people, but if they are being led by the wrong person, it is meaningless to do so. As seen on Sunday, the wrong leader leads to madness.

The events of 8x05 may be the narrative punishment for Jon not taking up his crown with further spiraling yet to come, or, perhaps it was the rock bottom of him refusing his destiny and what we witnessed is what motivates him to rise up. We might see him well and truly defeated in the finale by what he has participated in, or he might take a stand.

Either way, I don't think this season has been the total destruction of his character I initially thought it was. I think what we’re seeing is writers allowing a hero to suffer the emotional and psychological impact of what he's been through. I wish they would let us experience it with him, I wish they would have give us more that a rare glimpse, but just because I wanted something different doesn't mean they weren't being purposeful.

I resent what they've done because they took my hero from me and gave me a broken man. That's too realistic for me to enjoy, and I wanted to enjoy this season, not suffer through it. I did not want my vision of a victorious hero thwarted for anything. And that’s when it hits me. This is why it hurts. I can either morally compromise myself to pretend like Jon wasn’t wrong, or I have to allow my hero to fall.

Many were upset by Jaime returning to Cersei because we bought into his version of himself as a man escaped from his captor. We thought he had become good. We wanted him to be with Brienne. Yet, how can we objectively say that staying with a new lover is the morally superior choice to trying to save the life of the woman who bore his children? The woman who was pregnant with his child? In falling from grace in the eyes of Braime shippers, Jaime made the right choice.

Jaime is a better person for having died trying to save Cersei than he would have been had he chosen to fulfill his own selfish desire to let her die alone. He wasn’t good enough for Brienne before, he certainly wouldn’t have been if he had let his child die without attempting to save it. In breaking the hearts of shippers and fans around the world, D&D (damn them for making me appreciate them after I decided I didn’t!) turned Jaime into a morally superior character in 8x05 than the Breaker of Chains. A guy who pushed a child from the window attempted to save life while our Khaleesi took it.

Just because we have a version of a character in our head and a path for them to follow, just because we know what we want and are upset when we don’t get it, doesn’t make it better. Jaime chose better for himself than we would have chosen for him. Shame on us for being so morally incompetent that we didn’t recognize it immediately. By leaving her and trying to rescue Cersei, Jaime was closer to deserving Brienne than he ever had been before.

Another surprise in the episode is that The Hound had more moral clarity than Arya. The Hound who murdered for a living became the voice of sanity when he told Arya that if she followed where he led she would only find death. He told her to choose life even when he couldn’t. Arya listened, she chose to put aside vengeance and preserve life rather than take it. And here, we, the audience had been cheering her quest for vengeance, only to then cheer on the new decision, because we are led by our emotions and dumber for it. The Hound had better morals than we did. THE HOUND.

Cersei, that power crazed woman was just another victim. The bells rang and Dany burned them all anyway. And all the Dany stans who are finding ways to excuse, rationalize, or simply crying out “character assassination” are just in denial. Your hero failed the test of basic humanity because she has always wanted to. Her first instinct has consistently been to burn and destroy, she’s just always happened to have someone holding her back before.

That’s not bad writing. That’s making your audience question what we’ve been accepting and reject what characters say about themselves and think critically about what we have witnessed with our own eyes. It’s mental torture, but it’s the right kind of subversive because there are threads we can find that were always going to lead us here.

Some of us had been condemning Cersei and cheering on a woman who was essentially doing the same things. We just didn’t recognize it because we didn’t want to. Because Dany was framed as a hero, and we all know Cersei is a villain, we didn’t stop and think about what Dany has been doing for years and ask if it was right.

Jon didn’t know as much about Dany as we did. Maybe he hadn’t heard of what Dany did before coming to Westeros. Perhaps he didn’t fully comprehend what happened during the loot train attack, but he saw her talking about wanting to burn the Red Keep in s7, he saw what dragons were capable of beyond the Wall and during the Battle for Winterfell, he heard his queen threaten Sansa’s life for the horrible crime of asking what they were going to feed the armies. And yet, he refused to ever question her.

I don’t know that he had a good alternative, but Varys chose to defy the queen and die rather than take part in her plans. Jon refused to help him. Was Jon being a fool or was he being cunning? I still don’t know, but either way, he stood by while an innocent man burned. Either way, he did nothing. Nothing is never the best you can do. Except, nothing is what humans do all the time. I was prepared for Jon to lie, to be sneaky, to outsmart and use people. I was not prepared for that. I wanted clean margins around my hero, and they didn't give them to me.

People wanted Jaime to kill Cersei because we all know she’s evil, never mind the fact that Jaime has done his fair amount of evil, never mind that she was carrying his child. We don’t mind evil, we just don’t want it to upset us. In our heads, murdering Cersei was fine, but hurting Brienne wasn’t. We accept the grey, the dishonorable, the bad, but only when it’s in line with what we want.

I wanted Jon to be darker this season than the Jon we’ve had before, but I wanted it to be in line with the hero’s journey. I wanted it to be justifiable. I didn’t want it to be in the form of a mistake. I didn’t want it to be him misjudging the character of his queen. I didn’t want it to be at the cost of the lives of countless children.

I was willing for Jon to stray from the hero’s pretty, pretty path just enough to make it interesting, not enough for it to matter. This was a detour I did not expect, that I can’t just ignore, and that is a brilliant move by the writers. Oh geez, I’ve just complimented D&D again. Someone save me!

Jon, no matter what he does next, is stained in blood. He can’t be the hero I wanted him to be, there is no erasing this mistake. I didn't want him to fall prey to a cult of personality, I didn't want him to be stupid. I still don't believe he’s a total idiot, but while I watched 8x05 I took notes and when I reviewed them, I sounded like two different people. One screaming at Jon for being a moron, the other entirely sympathetic because he didn't have a choice. Both views were guided by my emotions. Whether he fell in love and was in denial or if Pol Jon is true and he believed he had no choice, Jon was complicit.

Either because he allowed love to blind him, or desperation to take over, while I still have hope for him, I can't deny what I saw. I hated seeing Jon as he is now: a man made less than what he is. He isn’t the hero I had fabricated in my head. I didn’t even know I had done that, but I had. This isn’t what I wanted. It’s not how the story is supposed to go.

But it is how this story went.

I wanted the fairytale. I wanted Jon to be untouched by what Dany did. I wanted him to remain innocent. I didn’t want him to be weak. I didn’t want him to fall. I wanted him to be above this.

But on Sunday our heroes fell.

What happens when they fall?

We can deny, excuse, insist its solely bad writing, claim it’s OOC, or we can accept that we are simply upset because it isn’t what we wanted. The second step is to acknowledge that this is what it means to have morally grey characters. This is the realism in fantasy GoT has always been touted for, we just never had to suffer so much for it all at once. We never had to face the reality that our heroes aren’t pure goodness, our villains aren’t pure evil with such high stakes before. It’s one thing for Jon to miscalculate and be murdered by his men, it’s another for him to not prevent a city of people from burning alive.

The “grey character” idea only works if you still recognize good and evil. We can’t twist right and wrong to make sure our heroes are always in the clear. Grey characters does not mean we should be morally colorblind. It means that the good and bad still exist, but that both reside in each character and in each of us. We have to choose how to act, and in certain situations, we will wander closer to one side than the other. It’s saying, let’s make heroes falter and villains sympathetic and force ourselves to see ourselves in what we hate, and what we hate within ourselves.

We had seen the good side of Dany intermingled with the bad, but the bad emerged in an unprecedented way on Sunday, and suddenly now we know that how we had masked it was always about protecting our own feelings, not about understanding who that character was at her core. Some in the audience have found strength in Dany, and to see her fall tore at parts of themselves that she had impacted.

Jon is still lighter grey than Dany, but on Sunday, I saw a streak of something repugnant to me, something that is the natural fallout of Jon’s behavior all season, but I had been ignoring it. Before this season aired, I expected victorious Jon. Now I think, even if Jon survives, I don't know how he'll live.

It is shocking to me how much it hurts to let go of my delusions and think, this is it. This is what all those words I’ve been spouting off about complex characters mean, and now I have to accept it. I have to “Look the truth in the face” as Sansa says, and as silly as it is since it is a tv show, it genuinely hurts! To a certain as yet to be quantified amount, Tyrion and Jon refused to do this. To a greater extent, Dany stans refused to.

I refused to.

So, what do we do when our heroes fall?

We must choose to be heroic ourselves. We acknowledge the truth. No more complaints or excuses. Our heroes fell last Sunday because this is that story.

I mentioned in a previous answer that I had a general feeling of defeat this season, and I think this is why. Jon has been slipping off the pedestal, and I have been trying to keep him up there anyway. Whether Jon was a “Northern Fool” or unsuccessful “Political Jon,” he isn’t the man I wanted him to be. D&D emphatically knocked him off his hero perch Sunday. Silly to be so attached to keeping him there, but I was. Emotionally, I was depending on my hero to make it all better. Maybe the point is, there is no hero who can?

Dany climbed too high and fell too far. She isn’t coming back from this. In my eyes, Jon hasn’t. D&D just made him fallible. He made a grave error and thousands upon thousands of people paid for it. I thought he would rise up a hero and prevent this, but there was nothing in this season to indicate that he could or would, and when the time came, he didn’t. I didn’t expect to see consequences for his “My Queen” routine, heroes don’t usually suffer those, but it is right that Jon see where that leads. It is good that we see it.

I think that’s what I’ve been mourning. I wanted hero Jon, not human Jon. Seeing Jon stand there with Drogon over his shoulder while Varys burned was very upsetting. I couldn’t reconcile it with who I thought Jon was, but that’s because I was thinking in the traditional sense of hero. In other books and shows, that wouldn’t happen. But, Jon made a series of choices that led to his presence and inability to do anything at Sunday night’s slaughter. Based on his decisions this season, Jon’s fate of standing there while people were murdered was just as inevitable as Dany’s fate of being the one to burn them.

It is much harder on the audience to endure this kind of story, but GoT has never tried to be easy. I didn’t want this, but it’s okay to not always get what we want. It’s okay for the writers to crack my rose-colored glasses.

Regardless of my misconceptions, in spite of his mistakes, Jon is still Jon. I still have faith in him. He’s just not impervious to failure, and somehow, I had forgotten that. And, for the first time, I genuinely do not know what the cost of this will be. That’s why I am so disturbed. I don’t want Jon to suffer, but his inaction may require narrative punishment. Maybe what we witnessed is the only catalyst that would force him to do what he needs to do, but it may be his mental and emotional undoing.

I don’t want that. I am uneasy after this episode because for the first time, I am genuinely wondering if I was wrong all along. Maybe this story isn’t building up to Jon defeating all odds, maybe the odds defeat him. So, instead of insisting that the writers are wrong, I am wondering what story it is they are telling. Is this a story about what it takes to make a man who can survive the game? Is it about a man who refused to play the game and will therefore be punished? Is it about a man who tried to play the game and learns that there is no winning without losing? Is the point that there is no winning at all?

I don’t know anymore.

So, in this, I have sympathy for the other side of the fandom that has broken hearts this week. And it isn’t entirely because D&D made bad choices, wrote this season poorly, should have had a longer season. I am upset because I am not liking the story they are telling me. I am not sure that that is anyone’s problem but my own for not recognizing what this was from the beginning. I’m still hopeful, I don’t know what we will see in the finale, but I have to accept that my hero fell on Sunday, and I don’t know if he will get back up. He could, but it is possible that he won’t

[forevershua-blog]

11 Questions Tag~

Yooooooo~ I must admit I’m really interested in seeing this and how the questions change whenever it’s been passed around. 😆

I’ve been tagged by @justsomekpopstuff and @jejublr this time, and I’ll tag both of you again! and @honeywonu, @jiminyoongs, @bfwooz, @softhaos, and @earlymornings-midnightcoffee (I want to tag some others too but I’m afraid you’re too busy and feel burdened or bothered, so if you want to, please feel free to do this)

My question:

Describe your ideal life when you’re in your 60s!

What do you love about yourself?

What is the nicest thing someone else has ever done to you?

What’s your very first memory?

Warm milk or cold milk? Warm water or icy cold water?

How do you feel today?

If you must move abroad and change your nationality, which country would you choose? Why?

Do you prefer sleeping alone or having roommate(s)?

Morning person or night owl?

Do you sing in the shower? What’s your favourite song to sing these days?

If you can choose ANYTHING for your meal tomorrow, what would you have?

(my answers are below the keep reading bar~)

JJ’s Questions:

[1]  How did you get into kpop?: Was it seven years ago? My roommate was a huge VIP but she was pretty updated too about other groups. So, one day she showed me SNSD’s Run Devil Run MV, and guess who got turned into Tiffany’s fan overnight! :))

[2]  Go on a rant about why you love your ultimate bias: wow JJ thank you for giving me this stage to officially rant about our shared husband. (crackling my knuckles, wiggling my fingers and preparing to type a long scientific essay titled “Why Ryan Loves Joshua Hong and Why You All Should Too”)

I love his dancing. Actually, his dancing is what dragged me to stan him in the first place. He isn’t technically perfect like Dino or DK (he often misses the beats of the song because he’s too busy counting the steps in his head), and he doesn’t pour enough emotion to the dance. But there’s something in his carefully calculated moves that screams ELEGANCE. I don’t know if he intentionally do it that way, but compared to other members, his way of dancing is saving him from the risk of injuries. And if you watch their performances, you will realize Joshua always does everything exactly how he does it on the first time, down to the angles and the way he sways his hands. Isn’t it fascinating?

His acting. This is hard to explain, so let’s just agree with me that his ability in changing his expression and masking his own emotion is as good as (if not better than) Wonwoo.

His soft voice. I don’t have to explain this point, do I? From his heavenly singing voice to his raspy normal voice and that hahahaHAHEUG! laugh. 😍

His physical features. From head to toe. It’s just perfect. 100 points. 딱 좋아. 내 스타일이야.

He looks innocent but sinful, calm but mischievous, tamed but beastly, all simultaneously.

I have endless other reasons but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time so let’s stop here.

[3]  What is your favorite scent?: The clean linen freshly out from dryer, fresh roses in foggy early morning, and black tea.

[4]  What is your self-care routine?: I don’t think this can be considered a self-care routine, because honestly I don’t have such things as “routines” right now. So, I keep my life and my actions around two main questions:

If I die tomorrow, am I going to regret this? Would I beg to rewind the time and be brought back to life?

If I live for the next hundred years, would I want to live this exact life?

By answering to those questions, I keep track about what I really need and what I really want for myself. I always make sure to shower as long as I need it. I eat when I’m hungry. I sing and hum when I walk to and from work. I wear make up when I need to but I wouldn’t think twice before going out barefaced.

Simple life = happy me

[5]  What is the worst story you have ever read?: There’s this novel where the female protagonist is really weak and lacking in personality: an okay-but-not-really-good job, financially unstable, still living with her parents, but instead of trying to do better, she focused herself to please her fiancé. When she finally broke the engagement, she fell sick because of the stress. Right after that, she started chatting with three guys separately, and all of them succeeded in convincing her that they loved and wanted to marry her (side note: all three showed the hints of a jerk, but she didn’t realize, at all). In the end, while contemplating which one to give her hand to, she got into accident and died. The end.

[6]  What makes you the most soft?: This is hard. 🤔 I’m the softest person in the world I can get all soft just looking at the bright blue sky.

[7]  Do you believe in karma?: Yes.

[8]  Who is the kpop idol who isn’t your bias but you will always hype tf out of?: Seungkwan. My Boo. My baby. My precious boy.

[9]  If you could punch one person in the face, who would you punch?: Only one? My older sister.

[10]  Who are your favorite singers, dancers, and rappers in kpop?:

Singers: IU, VIXX’s Ken, Roy Kim

Dancers: VIXX’s N, Seventeen’s The8, Oh My Girl’s YooA

Rappers: Seventeen’s Vernon, VIXX’s Ravi, Infinite’s Dongwoo

(bonus: this goes without saying but Joshua Hong is my favorite singer, dancer, and rapper above anyone else)

[11]  What is your Hogwarts house?: Ravenclaw (took the test several times with different accounts because I’m that doubtful about myself but my close friends are totally unfazed by the result so yeah I guess I’m a true Ravenclaw)

Nat’s Questions:

[1]  The world is in shambles. Society collapsed. You found a book. Read it or burn it?: Read it, of course! Why should I burn a book???

[2]  Eat the spiciest wing any man has ever tasted or the most sour candy in the world?: The most sour candy in the world. My weak stomach can’t tolerate too much spiciness.

[3]  Who’s your favorite singer in kpop and why?: No matter how many times I get asked this, the answer will always be Joshua. I love his sweet voice in low notes. <3

[4]  Describe yourself with an emoji: 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔

[5] Who do you look up to?: Anyone whose height is more than 158cm. There are so many people I look up to. If I must choose just one, then… my uncle (aka. my mother’s youngest brother). He is a quiet and wise man who went through a lot of obstacles in his life but can still see the positive in everything and everyone.

[6]  Give me three songs to listen to on a rainy day!: Rainy day is the perfect time for broken heart songs! XD

Infinite - 왜 날

Yoon Hyun Sang & IU – 언제쯤이면

Roy Kim – 그때 헤어지면 돼

[7]  How many siblings do you have? Tell me something about them! If not, would you like one?: One older sister (4 years older, married, one daughter, living in another city 5 hours driving from my hometown) and one younger sister (10 years younger, second year of high school, living at her school dorm, half EXO-L half Carat, the one who keep my phone line busy for at least 2 hours almost every night).

[8]  Cats or dogs?: Both.

[9]  Pick someone famous as a roommate!: …you all know whom I will choose.

[10]  If you were in jail, what would most likely be the cause?: This is what the elders in my family always think would be happen to me (and why they always try convincing me to be less honest for my own sake): falsely accused for a fraud, organized by someone at high position who hates me for being too honest and is scared that their dirty secret would be exposed.

[11]  How would you want to be remembered by people?: The one they can always run to when they need a pat on the back and a little help.

[fmdxblue]

NEXT IN LINE: SEO MINWOO BLUE FROM UNITY

PRODUCER: Share as much information you are comfortable sharing to the public. Your words are your responsibilities, and you have the right to retain any details. Now: Here are your eight questions. Take one; Blue from Unity. 

What is life as an idol like? What are the hardships? What is rewarding?

Blue was sat on a stool with a knee bent as a leg dangled loosely and the other positioned atop the bars attached the stool. His position was comfortable: a slight lean, his direction pointed to a side as opposed to directly looking forward. With the question asked, his attention lingered downward for a while debating whether or not he should be entirely honest with answering the upcoming questions. A swipe of his tongue over his lesser lip, and his dark eyes traveled to the camera. “I won’t sit here and pretend that the idol lifestyle is relatively better than all other lifestyles, but I can admit with confidence that I prefer my life today compared to my previous living.” His attention travels across the room, his fingers fumbling around in nerves due to the confession. “The industries keep us disciplined, and we are monitored. The boys and I also struggle to keep our appearance due to Dimensions not focusing on Unity as of late, so we always have to confront our insecurities about the group’s future. And I know not many idols are fond of the demanding schedules, but I personally prefer having a booked scheduled opposed to none at all. It keeps me busy, and I am able to sharpen my skills.” Straightening his posture, a smile plays on his lips as he reaches a hand to gesture along with his words, “And I guess that’s the rewarding part, as well. Being able to do what I love, spending time with the boys, meeting the lovely Angels, and just living the best life I possibly can.” 

How would you feel if your future child wanted to be an idol?

Blue’s eyes widened at the mention of children. The vocalist was never one to dawdle on the thought of the future, for he was, in all honesty, afraid of what the future beheld, especially when it came to the topic of family. Having been raised in a toxic environment where he was not cherished as a child, the thought of having his own in the future never came to mind simply due to fear. He does not believe that he would make a great father, despite the effort he would instill in not allowing his child to have the same upbringing as he. Still, though, he could not think about it without being threatened with anxiety. “I would never want to hold my child back from their dreams,” he finally confesses, his expression serious while directed toward the rolling camera. “If he or she hopes to become an idol, I would allow them to with fair warning of how the industry. But, yeah...I would be supportive.”

Do you think the words “artist” and “idol” mean the same thing?

With the quirk of his lips, Blue thought hard about the question. He has never dedicated time before to ponder on the though; therefore, he lagged behind a few seconds with a response. A hand decorated with four different rings ran through his long, dark hair, and his attention was narrowed, which is a habit of his when in deep thought. “I believe an idol can be an artist, as well. True, our performances are not our own lyrically and choreography wise, but each idol’s artistic ability is demonstrated with how they perform the dance as well as sing the lyrics. We still have the opportunity to be an artist with the materials given to us. Does that make sense? Like, I’m not robotic when performing a song; holding no value over the songs. I actually dedicate time to put my emotions and perspective to what is given, so that’s why I personally believe an idol can also be an artist.” 

Are there sides to you your fans don’t see?

Another chuckle since the time the interview started, and his head rolled back exposing the length of his neck. His smile was authentic, and his eyes were lively with personality. “I still remember when we were featured in our first variety show, and I was extremely awkward,” for reasons he does not wish to share, “and the angels were quick to label me as the awkward member of Unity. I was then considered as the bad boy. My tattoos were featured more, and once I got my ears pierced, the title was official. So, my point is that, fans tend to only want to see one side of my person. But, I am more than just the awkward kid or the bad boy. I’m a person, and I do hope this documentary will help the public understand that idols are more than just some single concept. We have facets; we have depth.” 

What do you hope viewers will see through the airing of this show?

“Our hard work. Oh gosh---” an exaggerated breath leaving parted lips, he shook his head, his hair becoming disheveled from the movement. His hand is quick to push the strands back again, the sleeve of his top sliding down the length of his arm to further expose the decoration of tattoos he collects. “I just want everyone to see how hard each person works for their success in the industry. For many, this idol life is everything for them. Like, I-I cannot imagine my life without this career right now. It gave me a home and a family, and I cannot bare the thought of losing it all. That’s why I work hard, and I hope that is understood throughout the showing. And, this does not just apply to myself. A lot of idols work hard, and I hope viewers recognize that.” The clap of his hand against the bend of his knee, and his lips are pressed in a tight line as his focus remains forward as if staring directly at the person watching the segment elsewhere. “But, I also hope that this series shows how fun we can all have. From dancing with your friends, to sharing drinks, to sharing stories with comrades, to just being young and free. We want to show that work and play can be mixed together.” 

What do you hope you’ll get out of the experience of the show? Are there any other groups or idols you hope to get the chance to meet more through the show?

“I hope to experience it all.” Blue was quick to confess, his hands thrown up casually, only to drop again to his sides. A hand moves to fiddle with the charm around his neck, and his attention is on the floor as he thinks of what more he would want to experience. He would like to experience greater success, for Unity deserves that. They have been waiting for so long for a comeback, and this could be their chance of proving their worth. At least, he hopes, for it was something he and Ting discussed that could boost their image. “Oooo---yeah! I would love to meet MARS.” Blue supports many idol groups, and that much was obvious with his connection to them as well as his playlist. One group he was fond of was MARS, yet he is still to meet the boys of the group. He would like to let them know how much he appreciates their music, and how their videos are art pieces. “I don’t know, I just want to meet these cool guys. I also stan Femme Fatale, but I know the girls a bit here and there. To get to know them better would be awesome.” 

How do you feel about the upcoming Hallyu Triple Fantasy Concert in Jeju City?

“You are asking me how I feel about the concert?” He chuckled yet again, this time to mock the question with a wide smile to display his pearly whites that he paid to fix and whiten before becoming vocalist for Unity. “It’s going to to be wonderful, and I am super excited. You have no idea.” There was genuine glee displayed; he was over the roof with the upcoming concert. It’s going to be big!

Do you have any worries about being followed by cameras for the show?

On one hand, he did. He was worried that the cameras would catch a side of him that he would not want his fans to see. Perhaps a mental breakdown would conspire, or, perhaps, there will be a confession he would not want all the viewers to know. As much as he does not have any shame for sleeping around, he does know if that side of him was displayed, Unity’s image could be tainted, and his career would be over. So, he had to be careful with that side of him, and Blue needs to keep his interactions casual. “No---” he began, “I have nothing to hide from my fans.” And he was lying. He really was. 

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 12: “Phase One: Get the Grandma’s Boys Back Together” - Jones

I have thoughts.

1 I still feel bad for telling Tom to fuck off but also,,,,, I don’t ???

2 I hate that I’m the one who has to apologize to *****these men***** when they were the ones who apparently threw me under the bus in the first place

3 I miss Julia

Ok I don’t feel like doing the number thing anymore that shits dumb.

Um if Mitch is gonna let an alliance slide through the cracks again he’s not playing hard like he said, he’s just playing dumb and out of fear. Benj is probs gonna do whatever Mitch says tho so maybe it’d be better sooner or later to get one of them out before we split up the Jason/Tom/Ali trio

Speaking OF,, Julia went out saying that that trio is the biggest threat to win, but that’s only true about like,,, only Ali SKSKKDKF to me it’s kinda clear that Jason and Tom are Ali’s goats and they’re gonna be the easiest to beat for him in a F3/2 situation. Ali is by far the biggest threat to win and probably has been since Alex got voted out. Bc who doesn’t love Ali yk??? It’s gonna be hard to get him out but I feel like at least my 100% people (Caeleb and Mo as of this vote) would be down to vote him if he was the biggest threat.

Um also ??? These guys REALLY think Alex left with the durmitor idol???? Which is SO shocking because I cannot keep a secret for my life and I’m so easy to read. But um that’s a plus for me tho so woohoo? I’m not gonna tell anyone else ab it tho Bc,,,, obviously. This cast is messy as fuck I don’t want anyone else that I DONT trust to know about it. So I’m happy that my little inner durmitor triangle are the only ones that know.

I think this is mostly me rambling at this point so i’m gonna sign off I think.

okay so I really did a crap job of confessing last round, so I have a lot of catch-up to do.

so first off, i think i already confessed about this, but i have TWO IDOLS NOW jklasdfaf, the budva idol and the merge sapphire idol. like assuming i play them right, i can fast track myself to F6 already, which is SO EXCITING.

also... last vote was such a mess. so after the last vote, where i was left out-ish, in that Jones/Caeleb/Benj told me what was happening, but don't know that each other told me. Me and Julia (who was truly left out) talked, and I was genuinely hoping to group up with her. Benj suggested a F4 of me/him/Tom/Julia last round, and I was SO DOWN. Like I've genuinely wanted to work with Julia all season, I should have told her about the Alex vote, but I've been with her this whole time, so its frustrating what happened next.

So... I'm on call and Mo/Mitch tell me to vote Julia, and I agree, knowing I'm lying because I'm in a chat with Jason/Julia/Tom where we are trying to vote off Mo or Jones. But then Mo being shady, and I literally told Julia this to, tells Julia that everyone is voting her out, and Jones says Tom is who threw Julia's name out.

Julia. Goes. Nuclear. She goes on call, outs the alliance, says we are all shady and tries to blow up our games. I'm REALLY frustrated that she did that, because Mo/Mitch were literally voting her and we were stopping it, but she let them mist her. Also... I didn't want to vote Tom or Julia, they are both outsiders, as am I, and we needed each other. Tom/Julia were both not apart of the Jules vote, we just had a fight amongst the outsiders which... dumb.

Once Julia did that, I was sure Tom was gone, I was totally sure. But Tom managed to flip Mitch, which good for him. But I don't know how he did that, getting Mitch to vote with me, when Mitch has been paranoid about me above everyone else. But now... Mitch will likely be suspicious of me, Jones/Mo will know for sure that I'm targeting them, and I'm no closer to breaking up that group.

So now I'm confident I'll need to use the idol to fracture that group. A scenario I could see happening and working, is next round maybe Mitch/Jones/Mo/Benj and maybe Caeleb vote me, Tom/Jason vote Jones/Mo and I vote the other, which means my sapphire idol can both save myself and break up that group. I'll have to stay tuned on that one though.

This reward challenge flash game is very annoying, so I'm probably not gonna win. Considering how much I popped off for the last immunity, if I win two in a row, it might cause me problems. Hopefully the immunity challenge is do-able, because if I win that, I'm guaranteed a spot in FINAL SEVEN YAY.

I haven't done one of these in a while, but ideal bootlist moving forwards:

Jones > Mitch > Jason > Caeleb > Mo > F3: Me/Tom/Benj or F2: Me/Benj

And if I am voted out eighth, the order in which I would vote for people at FTC:

Mitch > Jason > Caeleb > Benj > Jones > Tom > Mo

also just wanna stay like... how much i stan jones? like we literally have not voted together pretty much at all across merge... but we stan?

she is just so much fun, like our game relationship... is fragile at best, but on a personal level I am and will remain a Jones WARRIOR.

Omg I no longer have the most votes cast for me cuz now Tom does. Even though 2 of Tom's votes are HIMSELF the bafoon.

I was not surprised to see Julia go last tribal. I of course did not vote for her, but her craziness kinda sealed her deal. Plus theres the curse within the curse of where someone who gets cursed initially also goes home (Alex, Jules, Julia). Lmao. But seriously, I voted Tom and he got really sad because we had a good thing going, but at the time no one was willing to be cemented on Julia, but Mo and Jones were cemented on Tom. So I went with the "confidence" and voted what I knew was more certain. However, Ali and Benj and Mitch all voted Julia. Ali and Benj are my closest allies so they let me know before tribal, but Mitch is a flip always been so. The two of them (Ali and Benj) are playing very well which makes me nervous. I either have to take control back in this game or start voting them off, even if that makes me a little cut throat. My other option is to let them vote off Mo next time (Benj's idea) and then have them drag me along and lose in FTC. Instead I think I'm going to get Mo, Jones, and Me to vote Mitch next round (taken he doesn't have immunity), with maybe Ali and maybe Tom but I think 4 might be enough. Then next round I work with Benj and Jason and Ali and Tom to vote out Mo. That puts me back in a strong position (I THINK BUT TRULY IM NERVOUS WITH ANY VOTE AND ALL VOTES IM JUST PRETENDING TO KNOW WHAT IM SAYING). I just hope Tom doesn't have it out for me after last time. That could make things hard, and I'll have to navigate trying to get Benj to wait to vote Mo and telling Jason, Benj, and Mitch a wrong vote.

I’m genuinely feeling confident in my score of 10 guesses, I don’t know what’s considered a good score but for me this is stunnin

Oh Jones, Caeleb and Benj tied for a score of 8? That’s cool... Happy for them... In all seriousness though I think Ali might of screwed himself over by doing the challenge drunk because this may very well be our lucky chance to get out a comp beast.

So... I didn't win immunity, which is a shame, but also probably good news, since if I won three challenges in a row, people would likely try and vote me at every opportunity.

I feel like I'm going to need to play one of my idols this round, which... is unfortunate, but also like kinda exciting? I think the ideal situation is that I play the sapphire idol, maybe in a way that since Tom/Jason have exposed votes, if Caeleb/Benj/Mitch/Jones/Mo vote me, and Tom/Jason vote one of Jones or Mo, I vote the other and send them home with one vote.

However, I'm not 100% sure I'll be getting votes, just since Caeleb and I are super close, so I don't see him super wanting to vote for me. I feel like if the plan was to vote Ali, Mitch would tell Benj, who would tell me, or Caeleb might not be down. Regardless, I'm very much expecting to have to pull out an idol tonight!

If I get my way tonight, I want Jones and Mo split up. As people, we love them both, but as players right now, they are too connected and have too much sway. If I got my way, I would want Jones out, since I think she is the glue between the Caeleb/Mo/Mitch, so would defo be worth getting out.

Just realised that if I play the sapphire idol, it gets rehidden which I do not want, so I might just have to play the budva idol if I'm getting votes tonight, which is frustrating but I'll have to deal with it sighhhh.

ding dong the witch is dead (ur welcome johnny)

confessing this because my brain is SO BIG, and I clocked this on call. Caeleb is the boyfriend of Matt who just won Kuwait. MY MIND IS SO POWERFUL

I've been meaning to write this all day but Tom fell asleep on call and I've been distracted the whole time. SO here we are

I'm also typing this out with Google whatever the f*** is Google voice??? So it might sound a bit robotic just bare with me here LOL.

but literally yesterday while I was doing the trash at work I was brainstorming probably one of my favorite moves I've ever and probably will ever accomplish ever?? I'm very excited about it, because it seems like it's going underway,,, like it might work?? and knowing my luck this shouldn't be happening but here we go,,

So phase one: get the Grandma's boys back together. So like,,, me Caeleb and Mo. we basically already trust each other with our entire hearts anyway and besides the Alex but we've stuck together on everything? So we might as well get the band back together you know what I mean? also they're probably the three people I trust the most and the three people that I really want to go to the end with for sure so that's how I'm feeling about that. Check that off the list.

Phase 2: get Mitch and Benj to possibly spill who the other side is voting for and or get them to vote for Tom or Jason. because quite frankly Benj and Mitch are a very obvious power duo and have floated through the middle the entire time and they've been together the entire game so it feels kind of obvious that they're working together. Plus benj told Mitch the plan about voting out Caeleb premerge, so it just feels like it's been a thing forever. call go to be honest thinking about it now, I feel is though we're going to figure out who Jason and Tom are voting for anyway because they do have to vote in advance? So as long as Benj and Mitch vote for who we tell them for, then phase 2 will be a success.

Phase 3: grandma's boys vote,,,,, ALI!!!!! sorry to say, Ali is by far the biggest threat in the game and probably has been for a long time? Not only is he amazing in challenges , but he has like one the best social games ?? Ever???? So no one would Want to vote out Ali, but it's like,,, the best move I think to do now . Esp bc he doesn't have immunity.

And then,,,,, optional step 4: play my idol. That way,,, we can guarantee that a tie scenario doesn't happen,, and then in the split Ali would theoretically go w 3, but if an idol is played either way on them, one of those two will go. SO YA HOPEFULLY THIS PLAN ACTUHLY WORKS HAHAHAHAHA

Update!!! So like I think im in an ok spot. I was the sole vote to send home Julia because I found her unpredictable and she voted me the round previously so.... This vote should be between tom and one of jones/mo/caeleb because they are an obvious trio and im pretty sure one of them has an idol. If there is an idol played and it is flushed, the trio of mo/caeleb/jones is broken up. If it isnt flushed, we intend to do a 3-3-2 with Benj Ali Tom Jason and I splitting between two of them. Id prefer if Jones stays because I feel like I have the best connection with her out of the three, but I also fear that they have gotten closer and closer ever since we have merged. We will find out what happens shortly because as of now, there is still no definitive plan