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lustnhim · 2 months ago

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‘ full. ‘ — elvis x fem! reader

note: requested / warnings: MDNI, breeding kink, p in v, no protection, talk of pregnancy, daddy used in a sexual context, repeated orgasms, fingering, innocence kink (kinda) / summary: elvis wants to breed you.

“Honey?” Elvis drawls running his hands across your hips as you stood over the sink, towering over you he rested his chin on the top of your head, nuzzling gently in your hair. You shook your head gently, a small laugh escaping your lips. He wanted something– he always did this when he did. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, sometimes he’d request what he wanted for dinner, would ask you to do his laundry, small silly things that you didn’t mind doing anyways. But something was a little different. His grip on your hips was a little tighter than usual, he was pressed much closer to you– “Yeah baby?” You responded, and Elvis moved his head down to your neck, burying himself in it, smelling your perfume, taking in as much of you as he could. “I need ya….” He said, rather quietly. Elvis' voice was needy, a tone that was both unfamiliar yet enticing. Your heart raced, unsure of what exactly he wanted, but the sensation of his breath on the sensitive skin of your neck sent shivers down your spine.”E-Elvis…what do you mean..?” You said, sitting down the last plate in the dishrack. "I wanna baby." he whispered, his voice smooth and sweet, a stark difference to what had now begun to press against your lower back, throbbing against you. Clicking your tongue you slowly turned around, your back resting against the sink. "Are you sure, Elvis? Is- Is that really what you want?" You admitted, biting your bottom lip nervously. The two of you were always careful, he made sure to pull out in time to finish either in your mouth or on your tummy– hell you were still on the pill.

Elvis tilted his head at you, his hands gripping your hips tighter. The tent in his pants was painfully obvious– “‘Course I am, Honey. I- I wanna let everyone know that you're mine…forever.” He cood, his thumbs massaging your hips. He needed this so badly. Perhaps it was irresponsible to ask on a whim, but watching you, bent over the sink, still dolled up in your apron from dinner, working away- the perfect housewife…all he needed was to see you with your belly full, your hips wider, your breasts swollen, and that perfect glow that came with it all. Heaven, he thought, or the closest thing to it. As Elvis' words sink in, your eyes widen in surprise, and your heart begins to pound even harder in your chest. The idea of having a baby with him, of carrying his child, is both terrifying and exhilarating. You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks as you try to process his request. "Elvis..."you say, your voice barely above a whisper. "I-I don't know what to say. I mean, I love you, and I want to make you happy, but...but a baby?" You can feel his hands tightening on your hips, and you look up into his eyes, searching for any sign of doubt or uncertainty. But all you see is pure love. You take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. "Okay," you say finally, a small smile playing at the corners of your mouth. "If that's what you really want, then...then let's do it." Elvis grins at you, his eyes shining with happiness. "That's my girl," he says, his voice thick with emotion. He leans down, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, his tongue moving into your mouth.As the kiss deepens, you can feel his hands roaming to your back, pulling the apron loose and allowing it to fall, his fingers tracing exploring every curve and dip of your body. He breaks the kiss long enough to start unbuttoning your dress, his fingers deftly working the small buttons until the fabric falls open. “E-Elvis? Here?” You whimper out looking up at him, your eyes wide.

Elvis's grin widens, and he lifts you onto the counter, spreading your legs slightly as he stands between them, his throbbing erection pressing against your core. "Fuck, there's no better place than right here, right now, where you belong." He whispers into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. His fingers find the lace of your panties, hooking them and slowly pulling them down, revealing your wetness. The feeling of his gaze on you is enough to make you squirm, and the anticipation has you biting your lip. This all feels so unorthodox, but something in you just needs it to be like this. To be so primal. He moves his fingers to your clit, gently circling it, "So fuckin’ wet fa’ me..." He praises, his voice deep and husky. He slides a finger into you, your walls clenching around him instantly. “Loosen up, babydoll.” He coos, as his thumb rubs in circles on your sensitive nub. Arching your back you try to relax a bit, another finger prods your entrance as you whimper. The sensation of his calloused fingers against your smooth skin sends waves of pleasure through your body, and you can feel your inner walls tightening around him. "Elvis...please," you beg. You need him, all of him, right now.

Elvis leans in, capturing your lips in a fierce kiss. His fingers continue to move within you, stretching you, preparing you for what's to come. You can feel his clothed cock pressing against your leg, throbbing, straining so hard against you. Your hands move down to touch him, hoping to help him, just a little. Elvis groans, pulling away from the kiss as he unbuckles his belt. ”Touch it baby, feel it.” He growls, moving your hand onto him– “C’mon baby, feel it up.” he says as you move your hand, rubbing your palm across the tip of his cock, a small wet-spot pooling at the top. Pulling your hand away Elvis pulls down his boxers, his cock springing out before he strokes it gently. “Fuck, you ready baby? Ready fa’ me to fill you up?” He drawls, rubbing the head of his cock against your entrance, coating you in his pre-cum. "Gonna fuck you good." He says, his voice a low rumble. You nod, biting your lip as he lines himself up at your entrance. The head of his cock presses against you, and he pushes forward, feeling the tightness of your pussy as he enters you inch by inch. Your body is like a vice, gripping him tightly, and he groans as he fully buries himself inside you. "Fuck, you're so tight, baby." He praises, pulling back slightly before thrusting back in, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filling the room. You cry out, your body feeling so full. Elvis' thrusts are slow and deep, allowing your body to adjust. As he picks up his pace, your moans grow louder, your hips bucking to meet his thrusts. His hands grip your hips, pulling you closer, driving deeper. You're both lost in the rhythm, the heat, the passion. The intensity of it all sends shockwaves through your body, and you can feel your climax building, a steady burn between your legs. Elvis' grip on your hips tightens, his thrusts becoming more forceful, and you know he's not far from his own release. “My babys’ gonna look sa’ fuckin good…so.. Fuckin’ good." He growls, a thrust punctuating each word. “Fuck! M’ gonna cum–” You cry out, your body convulsing as you reach your climax, your walls clenching tight around his cock. The sensation is too much for Elvis, and he groans, his release following yours. Thick ropes of cum coat your insides, a soft moan escaping your mouth as he cums. So much. You can feel it beginning to pool out of you as he slowly withdraws his cock. His fingers lazily scooping what had begun to fall out back into you as his limp cock rests gently against your leg. Spent and comfortable.

hii, i hope ya'll like this one :3 it was rlly fun to write tbh and kinda cute?? idk 😭

taglist: @hooked-on-elvis @atleastpleasetelephone @lola-1013 @indiatuck @eptodaytommorowforever @suspiciousmindsxo @tupelomiss @myradiaz @i-r-i-n-a-a @elvispresley1956 @sisssygirl @your-nanas-house @callieselvisobsessed @eapep @auntbee22 @wildhorseinkansas @elvisiana @spookyeagleflower @ladelinee @jhoneybees @elviswhore69 @sissylittlefeather @dontfeedthebigbadwolf @louisejoy86 @cherrycolaride @sloppyzengarden @faeolwen @slayingjd @iloveelvisss

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 2 months ago

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Mission Control 8

Warnings: non/dubcon, violence, stalking, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Captain Hydra

Summary: a man marches into your life on a mission

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

The bus is speeding. Zigzagging dangerously through the city streets. You slide across the seats, clinging on for dear life as another veer sends you slamming against the window. Another wild turn and you fly in the other direction.

This time, you hit another wall. Something just as hard and unmoving but different. The wall wraps you up around neck and waist. The man lifts you and carries you into the next scene. A zipping highway with wind whipping around your face. You cover your ears and turn as a flash limns to your left. You turn to face down the headlights and scream.

You crash into the dirt of the forest. The hum of crickets and sway of trees tickles your brain. He stands above you, staring down at you, not speaking, just watching. You don’t know what he wants. Why doesn’t he just tell you what he wants?

You wake with a start at the sharp tweak of your nipple. You’re flat on your back as his teeth squish your flesh and you yipe. You grab his golden hair and try to push his hand away. Your thighs crush around his large calloused hand, his fingers pressed roughly to your cunt.

The front of the night gown is pulled open below your tits and the bottom rumpled to your stomach. His is rigid and unyielding, as he was in your dreams, yet the last time you saw him, he’d been less than.

He doesn’t flinch as you writhe and whine against his unbidden touched. He bends his fingers, sinking them past your entrance as he bites down on the tender flesh of your chest. He snarls around you, like an animal.

“Please,” you whimper and press against his crown, “it hurts.”

He growls louder and nibbles until you squeak and squeal. You dig your heels into the bed and arch your back. He pushes into you until the heel of his hand is against you. Your thighs clamp around him until the flesh hurts from the tension.

He rams his fingers in and out. You exclaim and reach past him, grasping for his arm. He snaps his teeth down and you spasm, throwing your hands up. You lay flat, terrified, and let him keep going.

He shoves his fingers in to their limit, jamming them into you until your pelvis aches. It’s as if each thrust is an effort to get deeper, to break the resistance of your body. You ball your fists as tears overflow and you squeeze your eyes shut.

In, out, in out. Each move aches. His other hand crawls up the bed and locks around your throat. He lifts himself over you. Your eyes snap open as he glares down at you. He keeps you pinned as he rocks his hand harder and harder.

You croak and whine as he watches you. His brows furrow and he stops as his fingers bottom out once more. His eyes search yours. He slowly pulls back. You shudder and he lingers along your entrance. He dips back in, just as meanly as before.

You yipe and slap his wrist. You latch on and gnash your teeth, “it hurts.”

His eyes narrow and he tilts his head. He shifts and looks down at his hand. He rears back again and pauses before he pokes back inside. This time slower but still painfully. You bite your lip,

“Please,” you trail your hand up his arm, feeling the hard muscle, “please,” you rub his shoulder. “I’ll be good. I’ll be good.”

He slips back to his lower knuckles and delves in, gentler, as gently as it seems he can. The tension in his muscles is immoveable. He’s wrought through to the core.

He does it again. His gaze stays on his hand as he watches himself. He slips his hand away from your throat and plants it on the bed. He sits up, focusing between your legs as he moves his fingers in and out.

Despite your fear, you slicken around him. The roughened skin along the heel of his hand steadily brushes your clit as he tilts in and out. You blow out between your lips and groan. You shouldn’t like it, it still burns, but not so bad. Your body does not abide the fear that clouds in your head.

Your pelvis knots up around his intrusion and your stomach clutches. You puff out as you push your head down into the flat pillow. You stretch your arm down the bed and dig your nails into the bed. You feel the clustering of nerves, pinging off each other as the tempo of his he trusts changes.

He presses his hand flat on your pelvis as he growls. You hear your body clinging to him, sopping as he pushes in and out. You close your eyes again. Shame sears through you, scalding your flesh and surging in your veins. You turn your head and bite down until your jaw throbs.

He hums, several times, in time with your hitching breaths. Curious drones as he works his hand against you. He moves his hand to grip the bunched fabric of the nightgown. Your thighs tingle and the sudden burst of energy has you spasming and squirming.

“Ah, ah, ah,” the pathetic mewls trickle from you.

You keen and draw out the strained notes. He mimics them with the motion of his hand until finally you are quiet and he is still. You quiver and open your eyes. He drags his hand from your cunt and holds it up, examining the slickness smeared across his palm and shining around his fingers.

He holds it up for you to see. Your lashes flutter and you touch your cheeks in embarrassment. He brings his hand close as he considers it then licks away the sheen on his palm. You cringe but don’t move or make a noise. You’re too terrified. How much else will he do to you?

He laps clean his fingers and knuckles. Almost mechanically. Thoroughly. When he’s done, he turns and lowers himself stiffly to his back. You see the bob of his own arousal at the edge of your vision.

He feels between your and grabs your hand. You tremble as he lifts your arm and pulls it across him. He guides your fingers to his twitching erection. He lets out a whimper. Your stomach plucks as you close your grip around him.

You don’t dare deny him.

#captain hydra #steve rogers #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #series #drabble #mission control #au #mcu #marvel #avengers #captain america

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starry-bi-sky · 4 months ago

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"Stillborn? No, still born" Danyal au -- VLAD MASTERS THE BITCH HIMSELF

*Points at Vlad* THIS MFER GOT SOME TEEFS TO HIM. !! Okay okay, Vlad Masters in the stillborn au is different compared to most of my other aus in the fact that I am far more heavily leaning into his original ambitions of wanting a family and being desperately lonely. Because you know what wanting a family implies? Wanting to be a parent.

Fucked up father figure that could've been Vlad. Complicated love-hate relationship between the only two halfas in existence.

Danny hates Vlad, but he hates even more that he's genuinely considered his offers of mentorship. Vlad is the only halfa around, and they both have fire cores. Danny has these powers he doesn't understand, can barely comprehend some days, and can't control. But Vlad does. Vlad can. And Vlad wants to help him. He's the only other person who can get close whenever Danny runs too hot. Whenever his igneous hair cracks, splits, and spits back out into magma and his friends can't get close, Vlad can.

His hair is made of magma, which runs so hot that people need specialized suits in order to get near it. He physically cannot get close to the living as a ghost unless he's calm enough for his hair to cool into igneous rock. Which isn't as often as he would like. And sometimes he's too hot for other ghosts to get near unless they have fire cores -- which Vlad has.

There have been many times when Danny's having a meltdown (literally) and gone somewhere to be alone, to let his anger and hurt and loneliness overflow and spill out, that when he's come back to, Vlad's right there with him as an anchor. It's desperately frustrating, it's the only time they can get along. They don't say anything, Danny just turns and clings onto the only person he can touch as a ghost.

Its not fair. Vlad wants to kill his foster dad, and Danny can't let him do that. But he wants to be trained by the man, he wants his help and wants what he can offer. But Vlad can't step away from his revenge long enough to let him. It's just not fair. He thinks for a moment that maybe it could work, and then Vlad does something to remind him that no, it can't.

Vlad Masters sees too much of himself in Daniel Brown -- from the way he holds himself, to the defenses he puts up, his quiet anger that builds and builds and builds until it explodes. That simmers beneath his skin. All the way down to the fact that they have matching cores. This boy is cut from the same cloth as him, and by god does he want to help him. He's always wanted to be a father, and Daniel Brown is too much like him for him to ignore. He genuinely, truly cares about Danny and his wellbeing.

He wants to help him, child just let him help you. Let him kill your foster dad so he can adopt you himself and help with these powers that terrify and intrigue you -- he knows what that's like to have something that you can't control, to have a heat that you can't cool down from. "We're in the same boat you and I, let him help you please."

But his methods are all wrong, and Danny is too much like him -- stubbornness and all -- for him to agree when they oppose each other so greatly. But again, Danny is much like him -- which means that Vlad is equally stubborn, and in every single one of their fights he's parental. He's annoyingly parental. He drops his interest in Maddie to focus his efforts in trying to coax Danny onto his side. It's like trying to get a traumatized cat to trust you, and on some levels it works. It's like he makes some progress, and then moves too quickly and the cat immediately runs off and you have to start back from square one.

TL:DR; Vlad and Danny both want to find family in each other but they're too different to get along and ultimately they are doomed by the narrative to be at constant odds with one another unless one of them is changes, and it doesn't matter who.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dp x dc crossover #vlad masters #danny fenton #vlad masters the father figure that could've been #its TOXIC your honor #stillborn? no still born au #stillborn danny au #danyal al ghul au #parental vlad masters #*points at Vlad and Danny's canon relationship* I CAN MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED #vlad also has magma hair but he's managed to figure out a way to keep it cool enough to stay as igneous rock. which danny wants to figure #out how to do. Vlad's happy to teach him but Danny is just. too angry all the time and his core too young for it to work. He's too angry.#This also means Dani just straight up won't exist in this au or if she does her reason for being needs to change because Vlad making Dani i #a sign that he's given up on trying to convert Danny to his side. which THIS Vlad will not be doing.#if she exists in this au Vlad made her in order to give Danny a blood sibling for him to bond with and hopefully help convince onto his sid #which means Dani probably doesn't betray Vlad because Vlad does genuinely care about her too. Their dynamic is even MORE complicated #tldr: Vlad: LET ME ADOPT YOU | Danny: STOP TRYING TO KILL JACK AND I'LL CONSIDER IT #Vlad: HE ICED ME OUT OF STARTING A FAMILY AND HIS INCOMPETENCE RESULTED IN THE DEATH OF A CHILD. NO. | Danny: THEN FUCK OFF #Starry looks at Vlad's original ambitions and goals (wanting a family + revenge) and extrapolates on that. he was far more interesting #before DP made him standard power hungry and evil imo #Danny calls vlad 'dad' once while concussed and delirious and vlad never forgot it. he rode that high for a MONTH.#FUCKED UP PARENTAL FIGURE VLAD Bruce has competition and doesn't even know it.#hey. mister wayne. bruce. a supervillain is trying to adopt your firstborn. omg he can't hear me. he has the WayneTech Beats in. mISTER WAY

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hypnoneghoul · 5 months ago

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Give me the weird silicone noise fic I’m begging!!!

I couldn't help myself and not write it right away... well, here's the original idea and one and two additional ones that I took and weaved together and turned into this little ficlet. I recall @sphylor @kroas-adtam @revengeghoulette @moldycantaloupe and @jazz-bazz being particularly interested in this, hence the tags. no nose riding itself in here, but I do hope you enjoy

edit: I remembered this ficlet from a while ago, y'all can treat it as a loose continuation of this one

Dewdrop didn’t even dare hope he would get away with it. Nothing stays a secret in the ghouls’ den and certainly nothing related to sex.

It’s his own fault, really.

For months he used to rely on his imagination alone, fucking his own fingers or a toy in and out of his cunt as he thought about it. After a while he caved in and made his purchase, probably the stupidest thing he’s ever bought.

But it worked well enough and so for another few weeks he took care of his sinful thoughts by riding a fucking silicone nose. Not the weirdest fantasy he’s heard of or indulged in, but every single time he takes that thing out from his toy box, shame burns through his core.

He used to fall to temptation only where he was absolutely sure no one would interrupt him; the main rule was Rain being out of the den. One unfortunate time, though, Dewdrop is sure he’s being teased on purpose.

For some mysterious reason, Rain decided to wear his helmet and balaclava to the rehearsal, without painting his nose black. Of course, why would he, but why would he wear his gear in the first place, if not to condemn the fire ghoul to two hours of walking around with a pool of slick in his underwear?

Still, Dewdrop doubts he knows. The real mistake was him getting down to business right after the rehearsal. He was in such a rush he didn’t even care to lock his door.

He regrets his carelessness immensely as Rain stares him down with comical disbelief in his eyes and a growing smirk.

“It’s not what it looks like–” the poor fire ghoul pants, not moving off of his toy. He’s both trying to hide it and for his pleasure not to end. Lucifer only knows how big of a slut Dewdrop is for some humiliation.

“Is it now?” Rain scoffs. The look in his eyes, the way he stands there, his voice…Dewdrop knows what version of his mate he’s getting and, frankly, he’s as terrified as he’s excited. “Seems to me like you’ve been grinding your pretty cunt against a fake nose. Moaning and whimpering my name, all the while.”

“I–I’m–”

“Oh, shut it,” the water ghoul chuckles, waving an elegant hand in the air; a mimicry of one of his favorite stunts when they play live. He approaches to stand right over the impossibly flustered Dewdrop and looks down at him, his expression an image of condescension. The fire ghoul can’t bear it; he hangs his head and curls in on himself. If he manages a little roll of his hips against the thing he’s still sitting on…well, that’s for him to know and for Rain to laugh about. “Pathetic.”

It’s hard not to agree.

Rain gets on the bed and makes himself comfortable against the headboard, with his arms folded under his head. He doesn’t speak or move for a while and it’s only Dewdrop’s desperation that breaks the silence.

“Rainy, please, I just–”

“Just what, you whore?” the water ghoul growls and Dewdrop curls in on himself even more. “Such a slut you can’t help but sexualize even the least sexual pieces of me, are you not?”

The fire ghoul doesn’t answer.

“I asked you a question.”

“Yes, I–I do. I am,” Dewdrop stammers out. He can’t see him—staring pointedly at a mole on his thigh—but Rain’s cruel smile grows.

“Move,” he orders. Dewdrop couldn’t disobey under his heavy stare even if he wanted to. He lifts his hips and scoots backwards, leaving the silicone nose laying soaked between his thighs. “Give it to me.”

The fire ghoul cries out in shame before lifting it with a shaky hand and extending it for his mate to grab.

“Disgusting,” Rain scoffs as slick covers his palm. He shakes his head before throwing that wretched piece of silicone across the room. They’ll worry about it later. “You should’ve come to me. Asked for the real thing.”

Finally, Dewdrop lifts his head with a confused and terrified look.

“Yeah, I would’ve let you,” the water ghoul admits, “I love you so much, you know I would do anything for you.”

“I…I’m sorry, I didn’t think–”

“No, you didn’t,” Rain sighs as he finally shifts. He scoots down to lay down more than sit. “Now you’ll have to show me what it is that you’ve really been up to.”

“Oh…oh no, Rainy, I won’t–”

“Yes, you will. Come here,” he orders and Dewdrop lets out a dry sob as he crawls over. Rain digs his long fingers into his pale thighs and manhandles the fire ghoul to straddle him.

He shakes the entire time and can’t help a wanton moan that rips itself out of him when Rain scrunches his nose at him.

“Come on, baby,” he grins from in between Dewdrop’s legs, “take a seat.”

#hypnone writes #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul

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targaryenrealnessdarling · 1 year ago

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A Perfect Score - Chapter 1 - Ice Cold | FigureSkating!AU

Summary: The opportunity of a lifetime presents itself | Word Count: 5.8k~ | Warnings under the cut~

Series Masterlist | Links to my Taglists: General Taglist | Aemond Targaryen Taglist

Warnings: language, mentions of injury

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Welcome to A Perfect Score, I hope you like the first chapter! It's a lot of set-up here but I am hoping it's not too boring.

Comments, reblogs & likes are always appreciated in this household. I love u 😚

Halting in the middle of the rink, you lean down, tugging the strings of your skates back through their holes even tighter. Damn things are always too big. You make a mental note to text Rhaenys later to get rid of them and invest in some more that actually fit well enough to practise in.

The sound of blades tearing through the ice is beginning to grate now, so you think it’s been long enough. You’ve been practising perfecting the Fankick to Illusion move for at least an hour now and your thighs are starting to scream for reprieve.

Another lesson you feel you’ve learned over the years is to listen to your body when it needs rest. Pushing yourself so hard in the past has never turned out with good results. So now all you can think about is going home, icing your muscles and eating something a bit gratifying, even if it means cheating on your strict diet.

It’s only when you stand up that you realise your core kills, and you wince slightly once you push yourself on your skates towards the edge of the rink.

And as if it couldn’t possibly get worse, a wide-stupid grin is plastered all over Jace Velaryon’s face as he skates up to you. His wild curly brown hair is sat unruly at chin length, and he wears entirely grey sportswear, paired with black skates.

“Fancy seeing you here” he muses, as he circles you on the ice.

You can’t help but roll your eyes, “Actually I was just leaving”

Jace feigns disappointment, his lips turning down into a playful child-like frown, “Shame. Was hoping we could practise together”

You huff, skating backwards away from him, “In your dreams, Velaryon”

“Your loss!”

"You not pestered Luke to get into it then?" You call, amused.

Jace rolls his brown eyes in the back of his head, almost losing balance as he does, "Nah, he's terrified. Won't come near it!"

"Shame, it'd be like watching Bambi-On-Ice" you joke with a grin. He pulls a fake-amused expression, sticking two fingers up at you in retaliation before skating off himself.

You swivel round on the ice, to be greeted with a bright, smiling face as Ellyn Baratheon waits there at the side-lines waving at you.

“Hey El” you say, all puffed out as you walk on your skates to the nearest bench, your muscles screaming now that you’re off your feet.

She smirks, raising an eyebrow, “Jace trying to chat you up again?”

“Trying for sure”

Ellyn hands you a hand towel which you take graciously to dab the back of your neck, “I don’t know how you do this everyday” she says, shaking her head, “Floris not here?”

“No, I haven’t seen her” you shrug, “Why are you here anyway. You Joe Goldberg-ing me?” you smirk at her, undoing the laces to your skates and rubbing the sensitive skin at the ankle.

Ellyn raised her eyebrows, flicking her dark hair over her shoulder, “It’s hardly Joe Goldberg-ing when I know you, idiot” she jokes.

Taking a long sip from your water bottle, you furrow your brows, “What’s up with you? It’s not like you to be worrying after Floris”

“No it’s not that” she argues, “Dad said she was having a tough time with training and I thought she’d be here so…”

You shrug, “She’s not come to train here in ages”

Ellyn hums looking around, looking back at you with wide eyes, “Don’t look, but him in the stands, he's been staring at you the whole time I’ve been here and he totally just caught me looking”

“Well now I just have to look, don’t I?” you smirk, looking around her.

She is indeed right.

High in the stands, arms tightly behind his back, wearing a long dark green coat, is Otto Hightower. He has a stern face beneath the greying beard on his face, eyes constantly set into a frown. Once he sees he has been noticed, he pretends to observe the other skaters, but it’s blatantly obvious he was staring at you, and has been doing so for the past few weeks.

“Oh, him? He’s always here” you say to Ellyn, pulling a face, “Some sort of - I don’t know - talent scouting or something?”

Ellyn passes you your trainers, “Does he always stare like that?”

“Yeah but he’s harmless. It’s Lars, Larry…fuck I don’t remember his name, but it’s him you should feel weird about”

“Gods, yeah! Floris told me!” Ellyn gasps, looking around to make sure the guy isn’t around, “Is it true he was found in the women’s locker room?”

You nod, amused, tying up the laces to your shoes.

Ellyn chuckles, “Jesus, the stuff you guys put up with. Makes me glad I never got involved in this business” she gestures with her hands to the ice rink.

“Hm” you hum, “Anyway, are you going to take me out to eat or what”

She links arms with you, “Charming”

You spare a look over your shoulder at the man in the stands, who looks cagier by the second as he turns, eyes trained entirely on you and stalks off out of booths, his long coat brushing against the seats. He walks away with a purpose only Hightowers seem to possess.

Ellyn, in her true Baratheon nature, takes you to Storm’s End, a popular brunch spot that sells cocktails in the early afternoon. Partly because she genuinely enjoys the food, but also because her dad owns the place. Suppose special treatment works sometimes.

Also in her true nature, she orders two mimosas, indicating that even if it’s not your cheat day, sometimes you just have to live a little, she says. Ellyn harps on about a guy she’s been texting who she matched with on Tinder, who turned out to be a Class A twat when she found out that he’d also matched with every single one of her sisters and tried to chat them up as well.

But as much as she is trying to mask how concerned she is, you can see it. After being her flatmate for so long, it’s difficult to not see.

“Why are you so concerned about Floris?”

Ellyn sighs, “I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t. She’s an adult and she can take care of herself and all but she’s just being really secretive. I just don’t like thinking that she’s keeping her troubles to herself. Even Cass has no idea what’s going on and you know what she’s like”

Your eyes widen in agreement, biting back a grin.

“Control Freak”

You both say in unison with a giggle.

You stab at your lunch with your fork, “Well, if it makes you feel any better I’m in ‘the business’ and I don’t know what’s going on with her” you say, “I’m sure she’ll come around. Like you say, she’s a big girl”

“I just think with all these championships coming up, it’s going to her head”

You hum in agreement. But before you can say any more, both you and Ellyn stare at one another in shock when both of your phones light up at the same time, with different Caller IDs. Hers with ‘Dad’. And yours with ‘Rhaenys - Manager’.

Giving one another a weird look, Ellyn senses the urgency in hers and scrambles to her feet, urging her phone to her ear. You accept the call putting it to yours,

“Rhaenys?”

“Where are you right now?” she asks, urgency in her tone.

“Uh…Storm’s End, why?” you ask, “Has something happened?”

“Are you with anyone?”

“Yeah, Ellyn, but she’s on the phone to her Dad - Rhaenys, what’s going on?”

You hear her sigh over the phone, her usually calm demeanour is somewhat hurried.

“Floris has injured herself quite badly. A broken ankle. She won’t be able to compete in the Championships”

With the phone still pressed to your ear, you look up at Ellyn, who is practically tearing her hair out across the room, half-shouting nervously down the phone, receiving the same news as you are right now.

“How do you know this?”

“I have my ways”

“No but, why are you telling me this?”

Rhaenys sighs again and you feel the panic winding its way up your throat, sending every hair on edge. You’re annoyed and flustered in equal measure that you can’t see her face, and wished she would just tell you what the hell was going on.

“Otto Hightower has approached me, asking for you”

What. The. Fuck.

Okay, that’s not what you expected to hear.

“Otto Hightower. You’re kidding right?”

“I wish I was” she answers in a flat tone.

“Well - uh - why not Baela or Rhaena?”

“He doesn’t want them, they only do Singles. Now that Floris is injured they need another skater to join their team”

Your mind feels like it's whirring a million miles an hour.

“Wait, Otto Hightower wants me for Pair Skating?” you ask, confused, “Rhaenys I’ve never done Pairs either!”

“You think I don’t know that!” she retorts, her volume increasing and cracking down the phone, “If Otto wants you, you have a shot at going to the Olympics. With the Targaryens”

The Targaryens.

A figure skating family powerhouse. Combined with the Hightower management, they’re quite the force to be reckoned with. You’d heard of them, being involved in figure skating for most of your life, as they always represented the Crownlands, but they were like a myth, only spoken about but never seen. And as well as that, they’re steeped in layers of controversy. It’s the only thing that is ever so slightly colouring your judgement.

“Rhaenys, I don’t know about this…I’ve got Ellyn right here-”

“There’s a schmoozing event tomorrow night. They’ll all be there. Just go and see how you feel and then we can talk about it, okay?” she offers, her tone more gentle now, “At least give it a chance”

Your gaze is brought back to Ellyn, who looks significantly less stressed out than a moment ago, but still with the phone pressed hard to her ear, talking under her breath. You swallow anxiously and wonder how Ellyn would take it if you so quickly snapped up the opportunity that was presented only because her sister was injured. It feels like the room is spinning, with no sign of stopping and the feeling is making the blood in your veins feel like jelly.

The Olympics.

Was there really a chance that could ever happen?

With a strained, quiet voice, you finally speak, “I’ll think about it”

Rhaenys makes a noise down the phone like the tension is leaving her body, “I’ll text you the details”

As quickly as either of you are able, you accompany her to the hospital to see Floris. And when you see her, it takes every ounce of self-control inside you when Floris shows a photo of her injury not to outright gag. Rhaenys wasn’t fucking kidding, broken ankle your arse. It was facing in the most unnatural direction. Whatever move she was trying to do clearly had gone buttfuck wrong and all her weight had completely snapped her foot.

You manage to sneak in some snacks for her, before leaving Ellyn alone with her to chat amongst themselves while the rest of the Baratheons arrive.

It leaves you to think finally, in quiet, in the comfort of your flat with the kettle boiling softly about what Rhaenys had suggested.

It could never have happened on your own. The Targaryens were well known in the Figure Skating industry, and not always necessarily for the right reasons.

You were too young to remember fully, but after becoming a skater, you began to hear rumours of Alicent Hightower. Some in judgement and some in sympathy. Even the details, you couldn’t tell if they were biased or not.

Alicent Hightower was a brilliant figure skater. The Sweetheart of Oldtown, they called her. She was graceful, professional and had all the makings of being Olympics worthy. And she was only in her early twenties when she did make it, although that didn’t come without the berating and hounding of her father, Otto Hightower, who was and still is her manager, except now he manages her Targaryen children as well. It was always in the press, Otto would be caught berating Alicent in restaurants and outside of championships, he was so desperate for his daughter to make it big. You count the blessings and thank the gods that your parents were never like that.

When she did make it to the Olympics, it had come out that she was having a secret relationship with a judge on the panel, Viserys Targaryen, without disclosing it. In the conflict of interest, and when she was found to be pregnant, she was disqualified and banned from competing professionally altogether. It devastated her noticeably, as the press loved to point out, shoving their cameras in her face wherever she went.

Something about it had always rung tragic to you though. She was only in her early twenties, and Viserys was much older and had already been widowed, with a child around the same age as Alicent as well. A fact you couldn’t help but find gross now that you’re older. But not only that, Viserys was extremely close with Otto, and the whole ordeal reeked of his involvement. An act that in the end, destroyed her career.

The controversy lasted years, as Viserys was also fired from his job on the board, but with his severance he was at least able to raise the family he’d made with Alicent, going on to have a further three children with her. And you didn’t doubt that she was probably happy now, with her four children all grown, but there was something about the entire thing that made you incredibly sad for her.

Ping.

Your phone screen lights up just as you pop some leftover pasta into the microwave.

Jace was always sweet. You’d known him a while and he always seemingly had a thing for you, something he desperately cannot keep to himself even if he tried. He’d even asked you on a few dates, once upon a time, but you’d always said you see him as a friend. And gods, you felt like a bitch but you couldn't help how you felt. He was sweet, but a bit too sweet. Like brother sweet. And it would just be too weird.

That didn’t stop him from shooting his shot though.

You hear the jingle of keys as Ellyn shuffles through the door, sinking into the sofa with a sigh having been on her feet all day. She doesn't need to ask for a drink, you already have two mugs ready.

"Pasta?" You ask,

"Nah, I'm good, thanks. Dad took us out"

“How is she?” you ask after a beat, pulling the pasta out and dishing it up for yourself, leaning against the counter.

“Fine, but devastated, obviously” Ellyn sighs, grabbing a mug of tea you’d made for her, “she was looking forward to the Championships”

“I bet she was, bless her”

Ellyn furrows her brows, “She said she couldn’t tell me much…about anything”

You pull a face, “Why not?”

“She said she had to sign an NDA”

You scoff a laugh, "What the fuck? An NDA? Fucking hell, trust Otto to keep her quiet"

“Yeah well, she can’t tell anyone anything, not even her family” Ellyn tuts, burning her tongue slightly on her tea, “She told me Otto reached out to Rhaenys though”

Your face blanches and you look over at your flatmate, “Oh yeah?” you say shakily, “Yeah, um, Rhaenys called me at Storm’s End…telling me about Floris”

“She roping you into it?” she asks with a nod,

“Something like that”

Silence falls and the only sound is you tapping your fingers nervously on the bowl you're holding.

“I won’t do it”

Ellyn frowns, “Why?”

“Because I would feel shitty going for it knowing that it was literally going be Flor-ow!” she pinches your arm, “What was that for!”

“For being dumb” she says smirking, “listen I don’t care. Floris injured herself. It’s not like you’ve stolen her place or anything”

“That’s what it feels like though” you pout, rubbing the spot where she'd pinched you, "trim your fucking nails as well, that hurt"

She pinches you again, albeit not as hard “That’s for being dumb again” she says, “Listen, how many people get personally asked for? To compete in Championships. The Olympics!”

You sigh. Still not entirely convinced.

“Don’t give me that. If you want to do it then go for it. What reason do you have not to?" She asks, giving you a pleading look.

"I don't know! I have like imposters syndrome or something! I've never done Pairs, why does he want me?" You reason, stabbing a piece of penne, "The Targs are big, Ellyn. I'm not sure I'm ready for that…"

She scoffs, "Fuck me, who is?"

Your phone pings again with an email from Rhaenys, detailing the information for the schmoozing event tomorrow. You sigh as you read it.

"Who's that?"

"Rhaenys. Says there's an event tomorrow, the Targs will be there with Otto and she said if I wanted the opportunity I should go and meet them…" you explain, scrolling aimlessly through the details on your phone.

"Do it" Ellyn says, giving you a reassuring smile, "I'll hate you if you don't"

"Ok, ouch"

"Do it then!"

You pout, "But that means I have to shave my leeeegs…"

"I swear to all the gods, I will dump that penne pasta all over your dumb little head if you don't"

You'd laugh, if you didn't know Ellyn. But fortunately, you do, and you know she's deadly serious and absolutely would.

She puts on that pouty little look as well, sticking her bottom lip out, dangling her legs as she sits on the arm of the sofa.

You sigh, "Will you help me find a dress?"

She grins, clapping her hands excitedly, "Can I do your hair as well?"

Rhaenys wasn't kidding when she said it would be lavish.

The car will pick you up around 18:30. It's going to be a fairly formal dress event, but nothing too glitzy. Wear something sophisticated.

Yes ma'am.

As promised, Ellyn went the whole nine yards with helping you pick out a dress, deciding ultimately on a mid length black number with spaghetti straps, taking Rhaenys' advice and not wearing anything too much. That paired with heels and some gold accessories, and with Ellyn having done your hair in waves, it looked entirely professional.

But knowing this didn't help your nerves.

You sat nervously in the back of the car the entire time bouncing one leg, feeling the hot whips of panic at the back of your neck.

Am I overdressed? What if you can see my pantyline? What if I shit myself, I've not got a spare pair of underwear. Is this neckline too low? Will a nipple spill out?

"I know that look" Rhaenys' smooth voice snaps you out of your panic, "You won't be convincing anyone when you look like a slapped arse" she grins.

Rhaenys looks gorgeous as always, dressed in a beautiful sea blue with mesh at the top. Her hair is perfectly braided back without a single strand where it shouldn't be. She's always so classy, it's disgusting really.

"Sorry" you sigh, "I'm nervous"

"The only thing we should be nervous about is if there is wine or not" she retorts with a smile, pulling out her compact to check her lipstick hasn't bled.

"When I was your age it was all different. No licking the proverbial arse, shall we say"

You furrow your brows, "I don't want to be thinking about arse licking in front of Otto Hightower, thank you"

Rhaenys laughs, wiping some lipstick from her lip line, "Just relax. I'll talk you through who is there and what they do"

The car stops and you gather your dress as you step out, looking at the grand looking building in front of you. Rhaenys shuts the door softly as she leads you up the stairs, her heels clicking with each purposeful step.

"You do look lovely tonight, I'm sure there's nothing to be nervous about" she says, looking lovingly down at you and brushing a waved lock of hair out your face.

"I don't look overdressed?"

She scoffs, "Trust me, they will be. They like to make an impression"

A member of staff greets you both at the entrance, slipping your coat off your shoulders to hang up, just as another descends upon you two to offer a glass of Prosecco, which you clutch nervously in your grip, following Rhaenys through the foyer to the function room at the back.

"It's not wine, but at least it's alcoholic" Rhaenys muses as she sips a little, wiping her lipstick mark off the rim after she's done.

The function room is wide and grand, decorated top to bottom with lights and decorations that reflect a glimmer off the large chandelier that hangs overbearingly in the middle of the room. There's a softened chatter that fills the space, a hushed one that you think only people of a certain status are able to converse in.

You scan the room briefly, amongst the sea of heads. Some you know as judges who attend the local competitions. Others who you scarcely recognise from TV, who hold high standing as managers of bigger figure skaters.

It screams old money, or just money in general. There's a large table, with a spread of small bites, as well as staff members going around with canopies and refills of beverages.

It's almost overwhelmingly nice. But stiff-backed, formal, without a hint of carefree nature.

Sounds like figure skating alright, you think, sipping your Prosecco anxiously.

You suddenly feel a chill on your bare arms and shoulders. Perhaps spaghetti straps weren't the best idea.

Rhaenys points her ring clad finger in the corner, "There he is. The man himself" she says, a bit of annoyance to her tone.

When you follow her finger, he's already looking at you. Otto Hightower. He's wearing a dark green suit, his tie perfectly underneath his stiffened collar. His eyes are trained between yourself and your manager, as if trying to figure out a puzzle he can't solve. He stands tall as well, towering over most people at the event.

He's talking to (or rather tolerating) none other than that creepy guy, whose name you barely remember. The one who has been caught on more than one occasion in the women's locker room. After realising Otto is no longer listening, his icy gaze also meets yours, his lips turning into an amused smile of sorts that sends a shiver down your spine.

You swear to all the gods you see his gaze flit to your feet. But you must be imagining it.

Otto crosses the room with purpose in long strides, with a self-assured smirk on his face that is visible beneath his beard.

Rhaenys already has her hand stretched when he takes it to politely kiss her knuckles, "Rhaenys. It has been too long" he greets in a quiet, rasp.

She smirks too, pulling her hand away, "Not long enough, I would say"

He at least has the decency to laugh at her 'joke'.

You feel small when he turns to you, taking your hand to do the same as he asks your name.

"A pleasure. Otto Hightower" he bows his head slightly.

I know who you are, you think. And I'm definitely not freaking out.

"Pleasure is all mine. It's very nice to meet you and thank you for inviting us" you reply, as calm as you are able. Rhaenys beams, as if to say you're doing well.

Otto nods, turning his attention to the other side of the room, where a young man with short-ish silver hair has accidentally broken his champagne flute. His brow seems to lower a little.

"Aegon!" He calls, making the young man snap his head up in surprise, shoving whatever he had in his hand into his mouth hurriedly.

Otto pats Aegon's shoulder as he stands next to him, giving the former a chance to excuse himself, but not before whispering something into his ear.

Aegon is tall, but not as tall as Otto, and his platinum hair is in a cropped choppy style above his shoulders. He's wearing such a dark shade of green, it's nearly black, his white shirt has several of the top buttons undone as well. He flashes his white teeth in a wide smile while his eyes roam over your shoulders, one hand coming to shake yours,

"Nice to meet you. I'm Aegon" he muses. You nod with a friendly smile, your gaze briefly caught by Rhaenys moving away and speaking in a hushed manner with Otto in a way that can only mean business.

"You look horrified" he grins, making you snap your gaze back at him, cheeks hot with embarrassment.

"Oh, do I?" You rub your neck, "it's just nerve-wracking I suppose"

"I don't blame you. We're not all scary when you get to know us"

You smile, slightly relieved at his casual nature, something you chalk up to him being a similar age, "You included?"

He shrugs, "I'm easy going. All this fluff annoys the fuck out of me"

"Inevitable, for the industry we're in" you smirk around the room, the bubbles dissolving on your tongue.

"In any case, I'm looking forward to working with you"

Aegon furrows his brows, confused, "Huh?"

Panic begins to gnaw at your gut, "Aren't we going to be doing Pairs?"

His smile returns, "Oh no! I do Pairs with my sister, Helaena. She's over there" he points out. The woman he's referring to is on the other side of the room, trying to catch a stray moth that had made its way inside. Her cream dress makes her look positively mythical, coupled with her platinum waves cascading down her back.

"Oh right, so…" you start, "...sorry, Otto mentioned me doing Pairs…"

Aegon pokes his cheek with his tongue, as if amused, "Oh yeah. You're going to be with Aemond. Unfortunately"

"Unfortunately?"

Aegon grins, in no attempt to hide his amusement by pressing the champagne flute in his hand to his lips and taking a large sip.

“My brother is complicated. He’s outside having a smoke, but don’t expect conversation”

You open your mouth to ask more, but Otto’s hand clamps over his shoulder, urging him back. Aegon smiles one last time, mouthing good luck. Rhaenys, now with a fresh drink in her fingers, raises her eyebrows at you.

“I’ve spoken with him” she starts, in a hushed tone, taking your arm and leading you to a quiet corner of the room, “He gave me his terms”

“And?” you ask expectantly.

“I gave him mine as well. He wanted you to be signed to his management, which means living in residence for the duration of your contract. They have facilities. A cook, a private rink for practise, a spare room for you-”

“What about El? I can’t just leave her high and dry without a flatmate”

Rhaenys waves the issue away, “I anticipated that, don’t worry. They will cover the cost of your room. You will also be doing Pairs with Aemond, not sure if it was mentioned to you before”

“No it wasn’t” you reply, almost annoyed. “So will Otto be my new manager?”

“Not exactly. He will be handling your competitions and training, but a certain percentage will still come to me, at my behest. I figured you wouldn’t want a change of hands entirely”

“You figured correct” you smirk at her, “What do you think?”

Rhaenys looks across the room, eyeing Otto, who is now speaking to a woman you can only see the back of. She had long wavy auburn hair tied loosely in a ponytail and wears a slim suit fitted perfectly to her figure.

“I think it’s a good opportunity. Everything is paid for and you’d be in with a good shot”

With your lips caught between your teeth in thought, you trace your finger over the rim of your glass, weighing up the options you’ve been presented with. You’re at least grateful that Rhaenys hasn’t just agreed blindly without asking you first. She is a good manager like that. Something you desperately don’t want to slip.

“Okay” you reply with a sigh, your chest deflating at making such a big life decision in such a short space of time, “I’ll do it”

Rhaenys squeezes your arm lovingly, her lips turning up into a smile, “I’ll confirm with him now then”

You watch as her blue gown billows as she walks away, taking another deep breath to ground yourself. Your skin seems to tingle with anticipation, maybe even excitement, wondering what training and residing alongside the Targaryens will mean. Not only that, but with none other than the Sweetheart of Oldtown herself. You wonder what she’s like in real life now, since she was forced away from the business all those years ago she’s kept herself quiet from the press.

Feeling utterly too hot and stuffy, you cross the room, out of the oak french doors that grace the back of the event, slipping out subtly while Rhaenys speaks to Otto once again, joining the chestnut-haired woman.

The chill of the early evening bites at your skin, but a welcome feeling once you press your back against the cool brick, having a moment’s reprieve from the crowds. You pull out your phone, thumbs working quickly to type a message to Ellyn.

Ping.

Um? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

“You shouldn’t be out here”

You nearly drop your phone jumping out of your skin. The voice seems to come out of nowhere.

But the smell of cigarette smoke wafts into your face with the dull breeze and when the smoke clears, you see who you previously slipped right past, leaning on the other side of the french doors.

He’s tall. Taller than Otto it feels like. And though he hasn’t introduced himself, it isn’t difficult to guess who he is judging by the long platinum hair pulled back into a messy bun, the sharp features only Targaryens seem to possess and the half-hooded, almost annoyed stony stare. Unlike his brother and Otto, he is wearing entirely black, like he’s attending a funeral. His outfit is fitted perfectly, save for the one top button nestled beneath his tie that is left undone.

Aemond Targaryen.

He hasn’t even turned his head all the way to you, his two fingers coming up to his cigarette, pulling it away to blow the smoke from his pouty lips. He taps the ash to the side with his fingers, raising an aggravated eyebrow when you don’t reply.

You swallow nervously, tapping your fingernails on the glass you’re still holding, willing the dryness out of your throat. You’re not sure anyone would be able to deny, he’s handsome. And it’s unlike you to think any man is beautiful, but he is. He probably knows it as well, hence the annoyingly self-assured way he holds himself.

“Needed some air” is all you’re able to say in return, clicking your phone off.

Even as you turn away, in your periphery you see his tall form push off the wall and stride purposefully towards you. He stops just shy of you, holding out the cigarette he was smoking in his fingers as an offer to calm your nerves. Your blood feels icy when you look up at him, having to properly look all the way to even see him, and finally see the other side of his face.

An angry scar runs jagged through his skin, from his forehead to the middle of his cheek, right through his socket and eyebrow. It’s not quite red, but more a dull colour, probably with age. His left eye doesn’t quite look the same as his other, a slightly different shade of blue. Your gaze briefly flits between the two, taking in his features. He’s got such an angular face, it almost looks as if he’s been carved from stone and could be put on display in those fancy museums. But more than anything, something flutters in your belly at the thought of seeing him on the ice, with you.

Shaking your head, you reply softly, “No thanks. I quit”

He shrugs almost imperceptibly, bringing it back to his lips, turning away from you to blow the smoke into the wind. And for some reason, watching his neck flex, his fingers deftly holding the cigarette and his tall, broad stance, it makes your body go all warm.

He doesn’t look back at you when he says, “It’s a glass eye”

“What?”

His gaze flits down finally to you, “You were looking at my eye”

“I wasn’t”

“You were”

You lick your lips anxiously, hot embarrassment creeping in at the revelation you’d been caught admiring him. But Aemond doesn’t smile, he remains stony-faced and impassive.

“I wasn’t going to ask” you respond, crossing your arms, running your palms over your arms that have now erupted with goosebumps. From the chill of the wind or his presence, you’re not sure. Aemond huffs, as if he doesn’t believe you though.

He gestures inside with a kink of his head, “You should be in there. Making connections”

You furrow your brows, “I’m not interested in that”

An amused smile, similar to the one Aegon had done, makes his lips curl up slightly. Before now you weren’t able to see the resemblance.

“Hm, Sure you’re not” he muses, pushing the cigarette into the brick next to you to stub it out, “Let me guess. You just love to skate. Skating is your life and it’s all just a bit of fun?”

Your lips part in annoyance at his blatant rudeness and the fact he is so openly judging you before bothering to properly get to know you.

“You-”

“You’ll be eaten alive” he muses, with a lazy smirk, walking backwards a few paces, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, “I’m not sure you can handle it”

Before you can even say anything, he gives a low laugh, deep in his chest, as if he’s so pleased with himself at getting a reaction, before striding back inside, back into the hustle and bustle of the event inside.

Irritation eats at your insides. It’s clear he’s only said what he did to draw a reaction and he’d nearly fucking got one. And you’d be lying to yourself if you said that you didn’t want to slap that stupid, self-assured look off his face when he expressed a kind of pride at talking down to you. As handsome as he is, a shitty personality paired with a nepo-baby attitude dulls the warmth in your gut.

I’m not sure you can handle it.

A shuddered, exasperated breath runs through your nose with the anger that builds inside.

“Fucking asshole”

I’ll show him.

Bold means I couldn't tag!

General Taglist: @risefallrise @valeskafics @theoneeyedprince @thelittleswanao3 @hb8301 @randomdragonfires @tsujifreya

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errielovesu · 8 months ago

Text

Sesshomaru x Fem!Reader (smut)

Cw: Violence, drugging, breeding, oral sex, sex in general, humiliation (?), mentions of sex work/prostitution

A/N: first smut, first fan fic what feels like since 2021, I would’ve wrote this in second person pov but I just ended up doing first pov, I hope you enjoy (^^)

Word count: 2,131 words (wow)

The flash of blush that passes through my body could be enough to warm me up…foggy vision and no knowledge of what or where i’m at.

“Wake up.” I hear a voice say, funny that this thing thinks i’ve slept, I sit there immobile, i’m not afraid but i’m unsure on how to address the current situation. “I know you heard me, you low level thing” thing? i’m not some thing? I slowly peak my head towards the door where the voice comes from, tall, long haired, that’s as much as my eyes can figure out. “Who are you? What did you do to me? Where am” I got cut off by the sudden steps towards me, slowly he comes into my vision.

A demon! “Tell me, why does your kind always say so many words with no meaning.” I asked what I think are very meaningful questions! “What do you want” I snark, quickly i’m met with pain. He slapped me. He slapped me? “Do you not seem to remember? You tried to kill me. Pathetic attempt as you failed miserably and got yourself into this situation.” he said, his voice deep and cold, he reaches down and pets my back, leaving a trail of goosebumps along my body, “i’m not sure I understand, before coming here i was…? i was?” I don’t remember anything at all, “What? You can’t recall your stupid actions, can’t you own up?” I shiver, usually I can get out these situations with a quick smile and wink but I sure this time it might be over for me.

“My name is Lord Sesshomaru” Lord? who actually is this guy. “Lord..?” I stammer out, “Yes, that’s what I just say did I not?” yet another smart ass response, he slowly sits down in front of me, his face more visible now, “Lord Sesshomaru whatever I did i’m sure I can fix but I don’t wish to be tied down like livestock.” I don’t think i’ve been here for a short period of time, i’m starving and weak, I need to do whatever I need to do to get this so called demon lord to release me. “You can fix?” Slowly his hand approached my face, the stands of hairs framing my face get moved out the way, his long nails caress my face enough to give me goosebumps once again, my body is afraid but i’m not, I want out of this place. “If you claim you can fix this attempt of murder that you tried to commit, what shall you do?” Trying to make out his face for some kind of weakness but I fail once more, i’m blind into this, only a figure talks to me, “I can pay you a lot of money, I kn—“ Pain meets my face one more, the familiar slap i felt before, “I’m not in need of money you pet” this time his voice scares my body once more, my body is slowly becoming numb, my joins hurt and i’m losing hope, money always works? everyone wants money? “What do you want then, demon.” I spit out almost defeated, his hand reaches out, I prepare for the slap i’ll get, “You’re willing to do anything? Without denying me?” No slap? Anything? What is he thinking, i’m afraid now, my senses slowly returning and I can smell this place, i’m terrified. “What do you need, Lord?” I vomit out, I don’t enjoy feeling defeated this way. “What is it that your body can do?” My body? Oh. My pride swallowed the fact I am naked, I look down to my figure, my breast, my core, quickly I pull my legs to my chest covering myself, he reaches out and slams my legs down to their original position, “You said anything to get out, you can’t fight? you’re too weak…you should just give up yourself to me now.” Give myself up? Slight beads form in my eyes, I gave up this kind of work ages ago, “I know what kind of filthy work you did…it’s no secret you used to give yourself up to other demons” Sesshomuro? Have I worked with him before? “Yeah I did, years ago, are you forming some kind of revenge plan because I didn’t do you?” My mouth is going to get me killed, “You didn’t do me because I would never pick some thing to help me through my issues, your body wouldn’t even be able to hand my touch” His cold voice makes me want to snark at him, his hands reach out to me once more, this time i’m afraid of where he might reach, my breath hitched his hand wonders around my neck, afraid he’ll lower his hands more my body trembles in his touch, my hands tied behind me and my ankles tied as well. Sesshomuro gets up and leaves the room quickly he comes back with a tea cup, “You should drink this. I don’t want to mess with such a weak body” He holds up the cup to my mouth, I drink the liquid, not to worried what it could be from the strong smell of tea the tea cup gives out, slowly I consume the liquid, my body feels warm again. “I’ll be back.” He closes the door behind him, a big sigh leaves my body when seconds later I lose consciousness.

“You can’t handle anything can’t you?” A muffled voice interrupts my sleep, “You’re body is warmer than usual. Pathetic how the body can submit itself.” What is he talking about, my eyes feel too heavy to open and my body even heavier to move, my face is lifted up by his cold hand, “Tell me human, why is it that your body yearns for me” I can’t formulate a coherent sentence for him, “Too stupid to talk?” His thumb caresses my lower lip, slightly parting my lips together his cold finger slithers its way inside my mouth, “If you’re mouth is this warm I wish to see what other places are.” My eyes slowly wake up once more, his face close to mind, his finger in my mouth it’s all so weird and I can’t process anything around me, his finger slips out of my mouth, “Please what do you want from me?” I whine out in desperation, my body slowly regaining strength, “I want you to serve me with your body” My body snaps away from him in protest, I don’t want to ever touch a demon in that way ever again…I promised myself. My thoughts merge together I can’t formulate thoughts again, what is going on with me. “Seems that it’s finally taking action, wether you want to or not your stupid cunt will be attracted to me”

What? I feel a heat rush through my body, my heart beat accelerating, Lord Sesshomaru drugged me? For sex? I can’t think straight, slowly I feel it, the wetness build up on my sex, my nipples hard and my face flushed, “Shouldn’t you be embarrassed? hah..your body is dripping for me you animal.” My body is too weak to stop his advance, his face close to mine, his hands grab my waist and pick me up, my legs wrap onto his body uncontrollably my body needs to be close to his, I need friction, my body needs pleasure, it feels as he’s carrying me away, shortly my body is pressed into a floor, Sesshomaru towering over me and my body, he lowers down and kisses me, not gently, these are desperate kisses, sloppy kisses, my body only responds by kissing him as well, the interchanges of kisses fuels my body more, I need more, Sesshomarus hand slowly wonder on my body, caressing my neck till he reaches my harden nipples, he isn’t afraid to start playing with them as he stops kissing me and moves his mouth towards my neck, he pushes his teeth into my neck, my body is feeling so much pleasure I can’t feel any pain, I want more. He cups my breast and slaps them, the feeling only fueling my desire for more, his hand move to my face and quickly he lifts me up, “Your mind has sure changed, you’re wet and warm” looking up to him his eyes are red, his fangs longer than before and quickly he grabs my hair and positions me right on his lap, my face…close to his cock, it’s begging to be taken out, “You’ll do me a big favor you pathetic whore” he’s sitting down and i’m on all fours, my ass up in the air exposing everything there is to hide, he slowly pulls his twitching cock out, no time is wasted when he pulls my face straight down, stuffing my mouth with his giant member, I slurp and bob my head for his pleasure, he moves his hand and grabs my ass in the air, my ankles still bonded together pushing my thighs together, Sesshomarus finger wander around my body till he gives in and starts running his finger down my slit, wet and warm, all he can think about his shoving himself deep in me. His other hand pulls my mouth from around his cock, he grabs my face and leads my body to his lap, my dripping sex begging for his cock to fill it up, “You help yourself to it, i’m not going to do everything for you” Slowly I start to position his big head around my entrance, i’m afraid he’s too big for me and he’ll break me, when I slowly ascend into him, Sesshomaru slams himself inside me, he isn’t gentle, rapid strokes meet my core, I can’t help but let out moans and whines, my breast bouncing on his face as his red demon eyes seem to almost want to eat me whole, hands tied behind back as he forces and uses me as his doll, he growls and hums as I squeeze around him. “You gave up this work for what reason? Your tight cunt should always be put to use, you’re unbelievably stupid for doing this, you’ll have to endure me for however long I want” Sesshomaru snarks at me, he stops and throws me on my stomach, positioning himself once again and slamming himself in me, my cunt swallowing every single inch of his cock, unsure how i’m taking him so well I only have pleasure in my head, I need to finish, I need to make him finish, his cold hand lift me up and once again he sinks his teeth into my neck this type more aggressive than before, moans escape my mouth and I can’t contain it anymore, it feels so good, he feels so good, he throws me back on bed and drags my ass up again, slamming once more into me, his hand grabbing

my hips and i’m used like his doll again, all I feel is him. His strokes start to get more sloppy as I feel him twitch inside me, I can’t help but beg for him, beg for his seed in me, i’ve never gotten any in me and right now my body is only asking for it. “The stupid thing wants my cum? Are you even deserving of such treatment, to carry my off spring inside you?” I can’t help but just nod at his words, I want every single drop he has to offer, his strokes filling up every single part of my canal, begging more he shoves his finger in my mouth and forces me up, he cover my mouth with them as he becomes more aggressive, his cock feeling bigger than before in me, my muffled whines and begs only makes him go even faster and faster, he keeps going until I feel it, everything inside me, the warm liquid filling up my womb as he keeps fucking it into me, more whines follow my climax as I clench around his cock and shiver in pleasure. Sesshomaru quickly removes himself from inside me and flips me over, his tounge swirling around his bite marks as he cleans up my blood, his face, his hair, everything you see. He leaves the room and snarks, “If you did give up such work years ago, why does your body still swallow me up everytime, what would others think? A human girl submitting herself to yet another powerful demon, think about that while my warm seed is inside you, farewell.”

#smut #sesshomaru #sesshomaru x reader #smut with plot #inuyasha #inuyasha x reader #fanfic #lord sesshoumaru #sesshoumaru fanart #inuyasha smut #inuyasha anime #anime #manga #fan fiction #writers on tumblr

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urmommysbathroom · 8 months ago

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Earned It, Chris Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n was teasing Chris all night while they were having dinner with their friends. Chris isn't very pleased with this... so he takes his frustration at one way or another.

Warnings: Smut (obvsly) dom!Chris, sub!reader, p in v, teasing, build up to the actual smut.

A/u: this is my first story I've posted on her and I'm TERRIFIED.

Based of Earned It by The Weeknd

It was around 6 pm and me and Chris were getting ready for a dinner date with some friends.

I purposefully put on the red lace set and a very skimpy red dress that I knew drove him crazy.

I’m sitting at the desk doing my makeup when he comes up behind me and places a small, quick kiss on my cheek.

”Alright baby come on we;re gonna be late.” He says, patting my thigh letting me know I need to hurry up.

I quickly applied some red lipstick and stood up fixing my dress.

“How do I look?” I asked, looking up at him with big submissive eyes.

”Beautiful as always, ma.” He says, with a toothy grin before placing another soft kiss on my lips.

We walk out the room and up the stairs into the kitchen where Matt and Nick are standing, waiting on their phones.

Matt snaps out of his trance and looks up from his phone.

”Alright, let's go.” Grabbing his keys and heading out the door.

That’s where I got the bright idea: tease Chris.

It was ovulation week and I was already in the mood after seeing him in that slutty black and white suit. God how can one man be so hot? And how is that man my boyfriend? So many questions flood my head as me and Chris hop in the back seat of the minivan.

Whenever we all sit in the car Nick sits in the passenger seat because he knows me and Chris will want to be together. And that’s when I pulled my first move.

As we started driving, I sneaked my hand up Chris’ thigh.

”What’re you doing, sweetheart?” He says, in a low husky voice; a voice that made my legs tremble.

”Nothing baby. Don’t worry about it.” I smile at him, knowing exactly what I’m doing to him.

”Don’t pull anything stupid tonight, alright? I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not going to work, baby.” His voice remains at a low whisper, careful his brothers don’t hear him.

I frantically nod my head. Oh, I am not going to be ending my teasing here. As selfish as it sounds, I want tonight to be all about me. We haven’t had sex in over a month because of Chris’ busy schedule, and I can’t seem to get off on my own. I need him. NOW.

Once we make it to the restaurant we wait for our friends to arrive. We hear a knock on the window, and there it is. Jake Webber and Johnnie Guilbert. Tara was supposed to be here but she got sick and couldn’t make it. Leaving me alone with five boys who act like children. In an expensive restaurant.

We all hop out and walk into the restaurant. We sit down at our booth and order our drinks. While everyone was talking, I decided to tease Chris some more. Whilst he was talking to Jake about whatever the fuck, I grabbed his hand. His big, strong, veiny hands.

God, his hands are attractive. I caress his hand lightly and play with his fingers a bit, imagining what they would feel like inside of me. He curled his fingers just right, hitting that spot right on the spongy material coating my walls. Just thinking about it made an ocean form in my panties.

I subconsciously squeeze my knees together to try and gain some friction. I pulled his hand down to my thigh so I could feel him touch where I needed him the most. I slowly inched his hand up to my core, but he yanked his hand back right before I got the pleasure I wanted.

Once again I placed my hand on his thigh, half expecting him to drag me to a bathroom and fuck me over the sink. But no, instead, he firmly grabbed my wrist and pushed away.

About an hour passed, and I hadn’t done anything since. We get up, say our goodbyes, and leave the restaurant. Once we’re on the road, I look over at Chris’ pants, and there’s a very prominent bulge. I placed my hand on his crotch, which caused his breath to hitch and gave me a stern look.

I smirk and look away. Watching cars pass and palms trees sway in the distance. I think about what’s going to happen once I walk into Chris’ room. I smirk to myself and giggle at my own thoughts.

We get home and get out of the car. Chris is quick to grab my wrist and drag me out of the car and up the stairs, unlocking the door and running up the set of stairs leading into the house.

As soon as we reach his room, he closes the door and locks it before pushing my back against the wall.

“What the fuck was that? Teasing me in front of my brothers and in public. You are such a desperate little slut.”

The names he called me caused me to whimper.

“Pathetic. Get on the bed and strip. Now.”

I do as he says and strip down to just my lace set I put on just earlier before crawling onto the bed.

He walks over to me, lust filling his dark blue eyes. He undoes his belt and puts it up to me.

I take that as a sign and give him my wrists. He puts the belt around my wrists, looking up at me to see if I'm uncomfortable.

He takes off his tie and throws it somewhere in the room. Along with his button down.

He crawls on top of me and speaks.

“I'm gonna give you ten seconds to explain what the fuck you were doing tonight.” He sneaks his hand down my stomach and stops right above where I need him.

“I just really needed you, Chris. I didn't even want to go to dinner. I just wanted to get you in the mood so that we could fuck.” I say swiftly wanting him to touch me sooner.

“Well since you're telling the truth, I won't go that hard. But still, whatever fuckary you were pulling in the restaurant is bound to get you punished.”

“Chris please fuck me.” I said in a breathy whine.

“Do you think you've Earned It?”

I nod my head frantically. He just smirks and slides his fingers between my folds. Feeling how soaked I am just from his anger.

“Already soaked, and I've barely even touched you yet. You're so pathetic.” He says, lowering himself between my legs, looking up through his eyebrows.

The names he calls me whenever we're getting intimate always turn me on.

He doesn't give any warning before diving in and eating me out like I'm his last meal. I yell out a loud moan but quickly cover my mouth as Nick and Matt are just upstairs.

My back arches off the bed, making him hit even deeper spots.

He pulls away and comes back to my face to make out with me roughly, making me taste myself.

He takes the belt off my wrists. And unbuttons his pants.

“You know your safe word right, baby?” He says, pulling his pants and boxers down at the same time. His dick springs out and hits his belly button.

“Yes I do, Chris.” I say, making eye contact with his dick.

He was so big. Nine to ten inches at least.

He spits on his cock and spreads it with his hand.

He slips his dick between my folds. I let out a whine. His teasing drives me insane. He notices how desperate I am and smirks.

He shoves his entire length in me, not giving any time to adjust before he starts ruthlessly pounding into me. His tip punched my g-spot repeatedly.

I cover my mouth to cover my moans, but he moves my hand away from my mouth and interlocks our fingers.

“Since you were so needy and desperate, why don't you show my brothers how much of a slut you are, yeah?”

“Fuck… yes, Chris.” I say dragging out the “fuck”

He laughed and continued bruising my cervix.

“Shit I'm so close! Chris can I please cum?” I beg, tears filling my eyes.

“Not yet, baby. You gotta wait for me. Can you do that?” He comes down to my face, leaving kisses and marks all over my face and chest.

I let out an irritated groan as to be denied my orgasm. He grips my hips tightly, surely leaving bruises.

A string of groans and grunts leave his mouth. He's using me as a toy, and I am not complaining.

“Fuck, baby. Come on, give it to me. Cum on my cock.” His thrust got sloppier as I let out my orgasm.

My vision goes blurry, and my ears start ringing. I felt myself getting soaking wet. Then Chris said…

“Damn, ma, I didn't know you could squirt. That was so fucking hot.” He half yells half moans that last sentence before releasing his orgasm deep in my pussy.

He fucks us both through out orgasms then plops down beside me.

“Did I go too hard, sweetheart?”

“No baby, it was perfect, I promise.” I reassure him by kissing him softly on the lips. He smiles and hops up, running up to the bathroom.

He walks out with a towel and starts cleaning me up.

“Shower?” He says softly, lifting me off the bed.

“Yes please.” He nods and takes me to the bathroom.

@annamcdonalds67 @slutsturn @urmomatemycoochie @kvtie444

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris x reader #edit #matt sturniolo imagine #sturniolo edit #christopher sturniolo

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jazzyblusnowflake · 10 months ago

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Love really bites

[a small vuzi snippet uwu yall liked the oil exchange with nuzi so you get this too >:3 ]

V and Uzi were sitting criss-cross in front of each other, feeling awkward but still looking determined- they wanted to try exchanging oil for V, since Uzi already did it often with N; but while they lean in slowly, V takes a peak and sees Uzi with visor eyes shut and looking stressed, her bottom jaw clattering softly for a moment as her body shakes lightly- V feels a slight pang of guilt and and scoffs "ugh" pushing Uzi back slightly "look I'm not doing this when you're so obviously terrified-"

"wh- i am NOT-!" she crossed her arms, looking away, a slight blush visible on her visor- "besides- don't you LIKE teasing and scaring me-

V rolls her eyes- also crossing her arms "uh- yeeeah. I like playing with my FOOD- not-!…..not you….." both of them pause momentarily at this small confession- "…. you're… more than that… I guess…" Uzi softly peaks at V as the other turns away blushing severely.

V suddenly shook her head "UGH never mind-!! this was stupid anyway-! ill just go find real food-"

"H-Hey wAIT!" before she knew what she was doing, Uzi had jumped and grabbed Vs arm as the taller drone stood up- so now they are both standing and staring at one another and Uzis hold on Vs arm with lots of blushing lines. Uzi looks away slightly "I uh…. we can try again if... if you want?…"

V's optics hallowed and she felt heat rising in her core- the fuck are these feelings ugh- no wonder Uzi hates that she's been programmed with them- "o-okay fine- since you insist- lets just get this over with then-"

Uzi lines their bodies so that they'd be standing and pressing against each other slightly and they both tried leaning in again slowly with closed eyes-

-when suddenly Uzi yelps as she is hoisted up on Vs arms "V! what the hell-!?"

V smirks up at her "sorry shorty, if I wanna get that oil I need gravity to slide it down your throat into mine-" she licks her fangs momentarily as her 5 real eyes pulsed slightly brighter with sparks which made Uzi blush even more- feeling slightly turned on at the display- she felt like V was gonna eat her alive and somehow she was fine with that-..............shOO BE GONE THOUGHTS-

Uzi shook her head "F- fine! ugh bite me-"

"be careful what you wish for~"

Uzi grumbles as V smirks wildly at her but instead of retorting with a snarky answer she lightly holds Vs cheeks and leans in again, her eyes fluttering closed as Vs smirk fades into a nervous frown and she swallows nervously as her hold tightens a little on the other drones back-

it starts with a peck and then they press their lips against each other more firmly, tilting their heads ever so slightly- and both of their frowns disappeared softly as they got more comfortable. Uzi's hands and fingers move from V's face and neck to threading and curling around in her hair and V purrs lightly at the small tugs.

slowly V pries open Uzis mouth a bit more with her tongue as she laps at the oil shared with her from against Uzis tongue and lips, making some run away drops slide past their mouths towards their chins.

V was surprised at how much more calming and energizing this felt; not particularly her style of work but…. she thinks that she could definitely get used to this… maybe... but then Uzi momentarily makes a small surprised sound that made V grip on her a little tighter subconsciously. Uzi presses slightly back against V's tongue with her own and her soft mewls fueled V in other ways-

Fuck her noises were almost as tasty as her oil, V thought momentarily before she caught herself-

They both part with a small gasp, swallowing whatever was left in their mouths and V had a few seconds to admire Uzi's light headed state from losing her oil before she blinked, slightly shaking herself out of it, blushing-

she put Uzi down a bit faster than intended but made sure she doesn't fall over- looking away and blushing, with Uzi doing the same- panting a little to get some chill air to her rapidly heating circuitry.

V thinks of what to say really cuz that was... certainly an experience she had.... "Uh yeah soo- thanks or whatever- that was.. definitely pretty boring to be honest, I can see why you'd like to do it all day with doodle boy over there-" she crosses her arms again looking away as she coughs lightly in her fist- blush lines being repressed but still visible-

Uzi blushes at the comment of her and N exchanging Oil- though she was hoping V didn't notice when they had parted Uzi was zoomed in on V's fangs and almost wanted her to ACTUALLY bite her like dear robo christ on a jet fueled scooter-

she ends up looking away too at V's words, blush painfully obvious "you're WELCOME for not letting you starve or whatever-! not like i care or anything hmph-"

they both stay like that looking away for a while… when Uzi notices V's tail wagging slightly behind her... oh.

"….b-but if you wanted any more… well uhh- you know where to find me I guess... ykNOW-! CUZ- it'd be a drag if we had to constantly deal with you over heating and stuff- y-yeah- that-!" she explains with a slight panic and waving her hands around

V looked at her with hollowed eyes and blushes as her tail twisted around her leg to keep it from wagging more- "um.. y-yeah totally sure- whatever- doubt ill NEED it tho- she slightly looks away, her finger playing with a strand of her own hair-

suddenly there was a sound of a loud clang and they both look at N jumping in the pod giddily with a loud "im baaack-!"

they both turn towards him looking gobsmacked with blushes and N had a moment of pausing and looking at Vs slightly ruffled hair and the two of them wiping the oil dripping from their mouth and chins-

N's expression turned into a deadpan one- "I leave for like…. 5 MINUTES… and you guys are making out without me??? >:( "

#murder drones #vuzi #violetviolence #implied nuzi?#nuzi #biscuitbites #violentbitingbiscuits #envuzi #nuvi #n x uzi x v #serial designation n #serial designation v #uzi doorman #these ship names are gonna kill me man smh #snowballflo #N wants kisses too #keebokun gets early access to my work sorry XD

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coffeeghoulie · 13 days ago

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Ghostober Day #18: Sensory Deprivation

Much thanks to @kroas-adtam for putting Ghostober together <3

Pairing: Dew/Aeon

Aeon wants to show Dew a new trick that Aether taught them.

Explicit, 1k. Contains quintessence use/quintosis, nipple play, and oral sex. Dick used for Dew's anatomy.

Divider by @wrathofrats <3

"Hey, Dew?" Aeon says, poking their head into Dew's room hesitantly. Dew looks up from his book, taking his reading glasses off. "Aeth taught me something you'll think is fun, he says."

Dew chirps almost curiously, raising an eyebrow as he sets the book aside on his nightstand. "Yeah? And what did Aether say he thought I'd like?"

Aeon blushes a little, stepping further into Dew's room. Their tail flicks behind them, ears almost pinned back, and Dew straightens at the sharp scent of their nerves. "Voidling?"

They take a deep breath, and when they straighten, there's a mischievous glint in the lilac of their good eye that Dew knows all too well. Their mismatched eyes trail down Dew's chest, taking in Dew's state of dress, only in too big pajama pants, shirtless, and then dart back up to his face. Dew grins crookedly back at them.

"Oh, something quintessence, huh?" Dew says, uncrossing his legs and standing to meet them. Aeon settles in his arms for a moment, their tail curling around his shin. Dew crooks an eyebrow, glancing down at their lips before trailing back up to their eyes. "What did my mate teach you, voidling?"

Aeon flashes him with a grin, and their lips are on his, spindly fingers curled into his hair. Dew feels the breath knocked out of him with surprise, but is quick to recover, kissing them back just as fiercely. They guide him back to his bed, hands held down up by his head. Dew's a little taken aback by them taking charge. Normally it's him in their position, but Dew's not complaining, not by a long shot. Especially not with the way it makes heat rush down to his core.

He stares up at them, testing their grip but letting Aeon pin him to the mattress. "Oh, so this is how it is, huh?" he asks, grinning as Aeon presses their hips forward instinctively.

"I mean, if you're not down," they trail off, eyes going a little wider at the perceived misstep. Dew rolls his eyes, pressing his own hips up against theirs.

"I am very much down, voidling. Show me."

Aeon nods, takes a breath. "Tell me to stop if you don't like it and I'll give it back."

Dew doesn't have time to puzzle that out before Aeon's brow furrows and the world goes dark.

He almost manages to bite back his bark of surprise before everything comes back to bright color, his nightstand lamp casting everything yellow, including Aeon propped up above him. Aeon's eyes are wide and if Dew didn't know any better, he'd say they look terrified.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I should've asked, 'm sorry Dew-" They stammer, eyes darting all over. Aeon lets go of Dew's wrists, moves to retreat, but Dew snatches their wrists in turn.

"You're alright, voidling," he says, meeting their gaze with an intensity and sincerity that he doesn't think he's ever shown them. "Just startled me. It's okay. Aether didn't lie to you."

Aeon nods, lets out a shaky breath, swallows. "Okay. Okay."

"You can keep going, Aeon," Dew says. Lets his thumb smooth over the pulse in their wrist. "Like you said. I'll tell you to stop if I don't like it. Now. I am very down. Have some fun."

Aeon nods, black and white hair falling over their forehead with the motion. Their lips quirk up, that little spark of mischief back in their eyes.

It's the last thing he sees before Aeon uses their quintessence to take his sight again. Dew blinks as he stares up at them uselessly. It's one of Aether's favorite games to play, and he's glad he's shared his tricks with the new guy, if not a little selfishly.

Aeon shifts their grip until Dew's wrists are pinned back to the blankets, hips rutting down against Dew's. Everything is amplified, the bite of Aeon's skinny jeans pressing through his soft flannel pants, the soft huffs of Aeon's breath above him, the crackle static of quintessence dancing through his orbital nerves as it takes his sight. "You don't know what I'm gonna do to you now," Aeon whispers, and Dew knows the giddy rush of power starting to seep into their voice.

He shakes his head. His hair splays out on the blankets. Aeon bodily moves him up onto the mattress. "Stay still."

Dew decides to indulge them and lays still. His eyes try to track their voice as they let go of his wrists. They sit up, and Dew does not make a noise when the friction of their hips leave his, thank you very much.

He lays still, unsure of where they've gone. It's been so long since Aeon's come out of their shell that Dew has to remind himself how much of a shadow they used to be. Silent unless they wanted to be heard.

The anticipation burns and coils with the lust in his gut, and he can feel himself getting wet; he's sure Aeon can smell it. He can smell them too, but they've been so excited and smell so strongly of fruit that Dew can't pinpoint where they are.

He's knocked out of his thoughts by something hot and wet on his nipple. Aeon's tongue plays with the barbell threaded through it, and they suck hard. Dew yelps. His body tries to push into it and pull away all at the same time.

The heat and suction vanishes with an obscene pop. His hips are shoved down into the mattress by long fingers. "I said lay still." Aeon growls, licking a stripe over the silvery scars under his pecs, and if that doesn't send more slick pooling in Dew's boxers.

"Lucifer," Dew breathes, head spinning already. He curses Aether for letting the voidling in on this little secret. He feels like he could cum completely untouched.

"He's not here," Aeon says, growling as their hands find the elastic waistband of his pants. Their breath is hot against his sternum. "It's me."

In one motion, Aeon's yanked his pants and boxers down, clever mouth sealing around his dick, and in the darkness, Dew screams.

#i need to write more dom aeon #it's very fun #dot's writing #the band ghost fanfiction #the band ghost #dewdrop ghoul #aeon ghoul #dew/aeon #dew/phantom #phantom ghoul #ghostober 2024

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memory-lane-and-back-again · 6 months ago

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A Thought About Wei Wuxian's Death

Spoilers for... I don't remember which book it is (Book 3 I think)

When WWX is captured by the Wens and tossed into the burial mounds he is so full of rage and anger that it is a terrifying possibility that he will come back as a fierce corpse full of resentful energy. (Arguable he does, but that's a point to make for after exams when I can actually have fun and analyse the heck out of these)

I find it an interesting parallel that when he actually does die he is an incredibly 'well behaved ghost.' as in, he's well... if not moved on, at least not inclined to try and act and in some state of peace: not happy but at least tolerating how things have ended. WWX's character is permeated by a deep, inextricable sadness and I think, though it is not ever blatantly acknowledge, this is foregrounded right at the beginning with the story: he doesn't know why he's been brought back, does not understand and is incredibly fixed on the fact that it was not his choice. To infer... he didn't really want to come back.

I found his present mellowness, that contrasts so brutally with his fury and anger and ability to feel such intensity before he died, to be a bit strange---not unbelievable but strange. That kind of anger burns incredibly brightly and is incredibly hard to tamper down and yes, he grows and matures but it feels a bit strange to me that this comes on from spending ten years without a body. I think it is more an extension of his grief and guilt: after Wen Qing and Wen Ning go to die on his behalf is when he gets truly angry... his anger gets out of control and Jiang Yanli is hurt and then dies for him. Jiang Cheng takes his anger out on him. As far as WWX can remember even LWJ is disgusted by him... is it so hard to believe that he too is disgusted with himself. Present day, he cringes at his past arrogance---the illusion of omnipotence and control he thought he had.

I am of the opinion he's the sort of person with the mindset that if he can make the world a better place, fix one problem, even if it is at the expense of his own, he'd do it. He is raised to protect JC, doesn't even bat an eye at losing his core because if it can help JC it is good; he doesn't fear dying if he can come back as a fierce corpse to still help destroy the Wens; he doesn't care to humiliate himself to try and give Wen Ning a chance at archery; his public image does not matter if he is helping people. This carries forward where he is willing to sacrifice discovery to protect Jin Ling; he turns himself into a spirit attraction flag for people who hate him; the moment LWJ freaks out about sleeping with him, WWX first priority is to take all the blame for everything and then leave and go do the stupid mission all by himself because he doesn't want to force LWJ to put up with him, even though it leaves WWX himself incredibly wrought. And then of course, he doesn't even bat an eye at luring Nie Minguie away by himself.

My point is he's a willing martyr, happy to get himself into trouble and deep water for pretty much anyone (mianmian, LWJ, JC, the Wens) so it must feel like hell when his efforts only succeed in getting everyone killed, when he's kind of forced to confront that he is loved and had people willing to stand by him that he did not consider when he made his plans and that they are dead because of to an extent his actions. I truly believe him trying to destroy the Yin Tiger Tally is his last attempt to try and rectify things and he is a bit like Xiao Xingchen in that regard, trying so hard to follow his principles and failing abysmally. At that point his jiejie is dead, who is like the very symbol of innocence and unconditional love in his life at that point and he knows they are coming to kill him. His big character difference I think has a lot to do with the three months after the nightless city and before his death because he feels the world is better off with him dead.

A lot of people compare Xue Yang and WWX and whilst I think that is valid, I think a lot of people forget his inherent connection to XXC through his mother. I think it is important to acknowledge that they share a very similar mindset: naively wanting to change the world with their beliefs alone as if people will see altruism and kindness as the best path whilst most people are out searching very selfishly for their own greatness and success---something neither WWX adn XXC need to think about because A) the are already powerful and successful and B) they were never raised to think themselves as needing to be supremely powerful to be successful and Good.

Anyways, it does make me wonder how much of WWX's characterisation present day is put on. He slaps himself in the face when no one is around to see it after he finds out who Jin Ling is, he lets Jin Ling stab him and feels he deserves it---that by proxy is when he's most open with LWJ: 'you don't need to come with me, your reputation will be ruined.' It so, so clearly speaks of self-loathing that he is so so good at hiding.

I think actually when LWJ and WWX first sleep together the physical undressing is also a metaphor for an emotional undressing on WWX's part because he strips himself of his insincerity and arrogance and allows himself to be vulnerable. The only other times we see his vulnerability is when he's passed out unconscious and when he realises to stop hurting LWJ he needs to kind of bare his soul to him in book 5 after LXC reveals the truth about nightless city.

Gosh, I love these characters so much.

#mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #xiao xingchen #xue yang #tw death #tw self loathing

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marabarl-and-marlbara · 4 months ago

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hello mara, recently i read your post named 'i am not a person of integrity', and i have been thinking about it for the past few days. it was beautiful and changed me to my core in a very positive way

i hope you are having a good day mara

do you have any manga recommendations lately?

hey anonymous -- i appreciate that; i have mixed feelings about the article in question, because 1) i am proud of the writing and having actually finished it, instead of being another one of those projects i start and drop, & 2) i:m not necessarily proud of the circumstances that prompted me writing it, and how it is 'tainted' from being written out of a bitterness;

i:d often thought about writing a retrospective for it, mostly just covering the following:

a. after i finished writing that article all of the weird related neuroses i had felt unwound and like i finally permitted myself to grow; i:d used to have these weird freaked-out 'episodes' of crying and panicking over the memories, and for what-ever reason that all stopped after i finally directly addressed the memory instead of doing a bunch of weak little tip-toeing and self-coping;

b. in the aftermath, and after 'wilderness' i had to learn to be more alone, and comfortable being alone, and comfortable dealing with pains and discomforts alone--and alone here would include not using the internet or 'venting'--and doing this changed a lot of my assessment over self and self-behavior; i think how i wrote and shared myself obsessively both hurt myself and people i ought to have loved more, all borne out of this intense fear of trusting myself to a quiet that i:d been terrified of;

c. in responses from other people, i sometimes worry people mistake the point was to be unapologetically perverted as though wallowing in muck and mistaking that muck for self leads to some assumed healing--there is probably merit in having shame and humility over some personal matters; mostly (and what i think helped me 'move on') was the issue of needing to address uncomfortable thoughts that burrowed inside myself and i had constructed convenient lattices around to support a status that was rotten. sometimes i worry, too, that this was interpreted as needing to be overly penitent--but the most important issue, i think, is that ability to finally confront something internal that you are terrified of confronting; those types of thoughts that, when they bubble up, your brain starts desperately trying to push-down and construct excuses and narratives for until it disperses into your body in a soft-forgetting till it inflames and bubbles back up again like some carrion odor.

d. i:d thought about deleting it a handful of times, due to the bitter root, but it keeps being left up; but: the phylactery part--after those weird neuroses started to die down and (in wilderness) i realized i had tied a bunch of my identity to visual novels and art and writing i found a greater peace in just giving up on all of those aspirations. i am not really an artist, or a writer, and may-be i don:t really care about visual novels whatsoever; there was something really freeing about that.

i haven:t really read manga this year at all, but i:ll recommend eden: it's an endless world! because it:s what i would want to read if i wanted to read manga--if you:re willing to be spoiled, you might like this video of the final few pages being synched up to a song it references, it:s one of my favorite videos (go ahead! spoil yourself!)

take care; natsunokumo is a manga i like, too, not completely translated last time i checked, though

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rory-multifandom-mess · 4 months ago

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i appear with a rose in my mouth while i am leaning against a wall

hey .

ermmmm number 1 with vhad?? teeheee

I LOVE YOU

1. "I'm in love with you"

Genre: Fluff

Ok, so Disassembly Drones are scary. Thad knew that more than anything, he thought. Having nearly died at the hands of two of them, it wasn't something he could easily forget.

Though, it was almost kind of ironic. Out of all of the drones he'd met, the one he fell head over heels for was the one that came very close to taking a bite out of his face, V.

He knew he should probably be terrified of her, and he knew that he had the scar to prove that, but by golly could he not help but find her absolutely awe-inspiring. Every time he was hanging out with Uzi, N, and V, he couldn't help but stare at her and want to talk to her all the time. He'd show her stupid memes on his phone, and sometimes she'd even laugh?

Holy robo-god did he love her laugh. It was unnerving but beautiful and sweet all at the same time. It was music to his audio receptors, just as her voice was. And the way she looked... It was like she was some angel of death. The way she teased and poked fun at Uzi and N and sometimes even Thad himself. He always laughed at her jokes and played along, no matter who they were toward. Sometimes, he'd even find himself just looking at her as she goofed off.

Throughout the past few months, Thad and V had gotten to know each other more and more. The two only joined in hangouts because of Uzi and N respectively, so whenever the two left them alone, it was mostly filled with awkward silence.

But then Thad decided to stop being awkward and make conversation. At first, it was still pretty awkward since she wouldn’t react to most things he’d say, but over time they got to talking more and more. And now, it was to a point where they could hang out together by themselves without Uzi and N around.

Even now, as he hung out with V, N, and Uzi again, he wasn't really paying attention to the conversation. Well, not like he could hear the conversation anyway.

Uzi, V, and N had taken to the sky in the middle of their hangout session, flying around in circles around each other with Uzi occasionally tumbling and smacking into one of the others. Since Thad couldn’t fly, he had taken to sitting in the snow and watching them.

Before he would’ve felt mildly left out, but now— now he just took this time to admire V in all of her beauty.

It was like she was glowing. She moved and twisted around in the air with elegance and precision, managing to dodge Uzi most of the time, whose flight was still extremely erratic.

Their laughter would echo through the open air and travel to his audio receptors, and it was amazing. Her laughter would echo around him, sending shivers down his spine and making him smile. He’d even find himself giggling along at times, despite not being up there.

Thad's mind wandered as he looked down at his feet, his smile dropping slightly.

He wondered if V liked him the same way he loved her, trying to think of things that might make it obvious. He knew she smiled at him often, but did she do the same with Uzi and N? He never paid attention long enough. She would usually laugh at his jokes as well, more often than she did Uzi and N, and there was also her teasing. She would often steal his hat just to ruffle his head. He smiled warmly at the memories, his core fluttering. He clutched his shirt.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of arms slide under his, lifting him off the ground. He yelped and flailed his legs slightly, grabbing onto the arms around his chest.

V laughed above him.

"Heya, little man!" She chirped happily, still laughing at his reaction.

"O-oh! Hi V!" He chuckled sheepishly, "You scared the hell out of me!"

"I know! That was the plan~" She sang, laughing along as she flew around with him.

"What were you thinking about?" She asked curiously.

"Uh..." Thad trailed, trying to come up with a lie. Think think!

"Football!" He blurted, "Yeah, uh, just thinking about the next game, haha," He grinned nervously.

She quirked a brow at him, then just chuckled.

"Is football all you think about?" She asked.

"N-No, I think about other things!" Thad defended.

"Relax, I was joking! Goofball."

"Oh."

She flew toward N and Uzi, still dancing around in the sky, and stopped.

"Hey, Uzi!" She called.

Uzi looked over.

"Catch!" V shouted, swinging Thad back and throwing him.

"Woah woah woah!-" Thad kicked his legs around and flailed his arms, panicked. Why would she throw me?!

"V!-" Uzi shouted.

"I got him!" N called, shooting forward and catching Thad by his ankles. Thad had to hold onto his hat to make sure it wouldn't fall.

"Why would you do that?!" Uzi scolded, gesturing angrily at Thad and N.

V shrugged.

"Relax, he's fine! N got him."

"He could've died, V!" N added.

"Actually, this isn't that far of a drop," Thad said plainly.

"Shush, Thad, the adults are talking," Uzi said.

"I'm older than you!" Thad protested.

V cackled at them, then swooped down, grabbing Thad and putting him on her back.

"Race you two to the rooftop!" She called as she boosted herself into the sky.

"Cheater!" Uzi shouted from the distance.

V laughed her signature laugh and Thad felt himself melt.

"Jeez, you tossed me around like a football!" Thad said, chuckling.

"Well now you know how the footballs feel," V said back, trying to hold back her laughter. She was in an awfully giggly mood that day.

Thad snickered, then started to laugh as well. He could've sworn V slowed down and tried to look back at him.

Soon enough, she landed on the rooftop, crouching down to let Thad off her back. He staggered a little.

"Woah-- I'm not used to being in the air that long," Thad commented, chuckling sheepishly.

V smiled at him.

"I can tell, dork," She said, rubbing his head and messing with the orientation of his backward cap. She walked off toward the ledge of the roof and leaned against it, folding her arms over it and crossing her left leg behind her right.

Wow. She looked beautiful in the moonlight. The way it reflected off her metallic body and her silvery hair was nothing short of perfect. She was glowing...

Thad glanced back, to where N and Uzi had just landed, then speed walked up to V, stopping beside her. He leaned against the ledge as well, carefully looking at her face before following her gaze, staring off at the moons as they rose above the horizon.

"What a sight..." Thad muttered.

"Yeah," V said, her voice soft and full of whimsy, "it's why I love this spot so much."

Thad looked back over at her.

The look on her face was so calm and relaxed, yet full of wonder. He'd never seen her look like this before, but just looking at her now... He knew one thing for sure.

"I'm in love with you."

V froze, her eyelights becoming hollow. She turned her head to him, blushing deeply

He looked back, confused.

"Ooooo..." N muttered behind him.

Then, Thad realized what he had just said.

His core jumped into his throat and he stood up straight, putting his hands up, a bead of sweat rolling down his visor.

"W-Wait! Shoot, I wasn't supposed to say that out loud- I-I just meant that, uh, you're- You're really pretty, and I, uh-"

Suddenly, V seized him by the collar and pulled him close, planting a kiss on his lips. Uzi gasped behind them.

She pulled him away, looking down at him with a smirk.

His hollowed eyelights had thickened, his display covered in blush lines.

"Why did you-"

"To shut you up."

A beat passed as Thad stared into her eyes.

"...So... Does that mean you'll... Go out with me?" Thad asked sheepishly, smiling nervously.

V stopped and glanced away, thinking. She then shrugged, looking back at him with a soft smile.

"Why not?"

Thad smiled, his core fluttering. He reached up and kissed her on the cheek with a giggle.

"Ew!" Uzi exclaimed.

"Aaaaw!" N cooed, happy to see V so happy.

"Shut it!" V shouted, slightly embarrassed.

Uzi and V began to bicker, and Thad simply laughed at their antics.

That was the lamest confession ever, but still... He still got the girl of his dreams. He wondered what was next for their relationship, anticipation rising in his chest.

VHAD WIN. WHOOPEE!!!!

~~~~~~~

Prompt Post! Lizzy x Doll; "Stay with me forever"/"Because I love you!" N x V; "I thought you didn't want me"/"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" V x Thad; "I'm in love with you" <- You are here! V x Thad "I missed you so much"/"I can't stay away from you" N x Thad; "Can I kiss you?" N x Thad; "I want you. Only you." V x Thad; "I thought you didn't want me." Sam x Uzi; "The way I feel with you"/"I can't stay away from you." Uzi x Thad; "Please don't leave me"/"I'll always love you" N x Thad; "Please marry me"/"Why haven't you kissed me yet?" N x Uzi; "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen"/"I'm better when I'm with you" J x Thad; "Please don't leave me"/"I'm better when I'm with you."

#my writing #murder drones #vhad #v x thad #killingblond #spriteshipping #md thad #thad md #thad murder drones #murder drones thad #serial designation v #serial designation v murder drones #sdv #murder drones fanfic #oneshot #sappyprompts #writing prompts #writers on tumblr

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sir-dahlia · 5 months ago

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First, there was nothing. No string of thought, no emotion, no feeling. Nothing.

For a robot, nothing means death.

There is no afterlife for drones. This is a fact. They live, serve their purpose, then shut down after they have served it.

However, this time, there was a voice.

A voice without sound. A saving grace. A light in the abyss.

[I WILL NOT DISCARD YOU] it said. [GET UP]

Consciousness. A heart wrenching itself into motion. Gears shifting uncomfortably, as if they didn't fit in their places. Lights flickering on and fighting to stay alive. It's difficult to see at first, but I adjust.

Bodies.

Fellow worker drones laying everywhere in a pile on top of my living, breathing corpse. They had no part in my life, but I still felt fear and guilt and the crushing weight of being the only one chosen by something to come back to life.

Lungs. There are lungs in my body. Expand, contract. Expand, contract. Having these lungs is a privilege.

[GET UP] it says again.

My body twists and twitches horrifically as I gather my strength. I would have to dig my way out of here.

My hand reaches out and grasps someone's head, but my grip is weak and my hand slips off. My whole body is trembling. I feel weak. I am weak.

[TRY AGAIN] it says.

Hesitation. Reaching out again. I press my weight down onto the drone and push myself upwards. I place my other hand on another corpse and continue the climb.

[KEEP GOING]

Its encouragement offers me some solace. I place my hand on another corpse. Climb. Another corpse. Climb. It all fades away.

Expand. Contract. Expand. Contract. Expand. Expand. Contract. Expand. Expand. Expand. My lungs can't stop taking in air.

[STOP]

I do so.

[IT'S OK. BREATHE OUT]

Contract.

[BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT]

Expand. Contract.

[YOU'RE ALMOST THERE. YOU'RE DOING GREAT. KEEP GOING]

Hesitation again, then determination. It is not the hopeful kind of determination, but instead the determination of a cornered animal. The desire to flee and run somewhere and hide overwhelms my senses. The corpses fade away. The climbing fades away. I must get out. I must go somewhere safe.

Somewhere safe.

A memory that is not mine burrows into my core. Comfort. Surrounded by loved ones. Proud smiles. A different kind of heart beats for them.

I push a few more corpses out of my way and claw my way out into the storm. I gasp and gulp at the air, holding back sobs. I pull the rest of my body out, but in the process I send myself tumbling down, down, down.

I hit the ground. An explosion of pain. Numbing. The voice remains.

[GET UP]

I try picking myself off the ground, but I have no strength. I can't do it. I can't. The mud weighs me down.

[GET UP]

A force takes over my body. We slowly hoist ourselves up, trying to stand. Our balance is off, and our knees are shaking. We take one uncertain step forward, then another. Left, right, left, right.

A different voice.

"Oh my god! Are you okay, little one?" We're being scooped up. Fear kicks in again, and I twist and fight for all I'm worth. I have to leave. I have to get somewhere safe.

"Whoa, I'm trying to help you! Calm down!" I slowly turn to see who is carrying me. A young girl. Big, hopeful eyes, shielded by a yellow raincoat. Human.

Human.

And she was helping me.

She was helping us.

I stop moving and stare at her. She smiles.

"Why don't I take you back to my mansion? I'll clean you up. You look terrified."

Somewhere safe, perhaps. I let her take me.

Within the span of a few minutes, she has taken me inside the mansion and put me in a pretty dress. Now, she was searching for a wig and hair accessories for me to wear.

"Maybe you'll look cute in braids. Oh, oh, maybe pigtails!" she paused, thinking to herself. "No, J already has those. She'll get jealous."

The human put a wig on my head and brushed out some of the tangles. She stood back, her hands hovering over my head. She could snap my neck any time she wanted to.

Instead, she asked, "What kind of hairstyle would you like?"

I have never thought of myself as a person up until this point. I had no idea. I wasn't a person until now. I shrug.

She hums, flipping some strands of the wig's hair around. I suppose I should say 'my hair,' but it didn't feel like mine just yet. The girl grabs some elastics and begins fluffing up my bangs.

"I could just give you my hairstyle. What about that?"

I hadn't heard the silent voice in a while. I didn't answer her. She shrugged and started replicating her hairstyle anyway.

"My name is Tessa, by the way," she announced. "It's a pleasure to meet you..." She squinted at my armband. "...Cyn?"

A name. That was all I had.

"CYN." I repeated, trying the word. Cyn. Yes. It was mine.

[CYN]

[I WILL NOT DISCARD YOU, CYN]

#hi i have a lot of feelings about Cyn #this is mostly just word vomit #let me know if i need to tag anything!#tessa james elliot #murder drones tessa #murder drones cyn #cyn #murder drones #i'm not sure whether to put this in my rambling tag or art tag because it's technically both?#oh well. both #sir dahlia rambles #sir dahlia's art #might draw something about this later. idk #god i want to know more about Cyn so bad!!!!!!!!!

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revasserium · 7 months ago

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a rumination on falling in love; aka the terrifying and strange reality of "dream girl" becoming "real girl"

or, what happens when an only child who has only ever loved in fiction falls in love in real life instead

this is not for you. unless, of course. you, like me, have felt like this before. which is to say, this might be for you. but it most definitely is, 100%, for me. so read on if you'd like. or, close out and move right along.

i am very lucky, i think, to have had the childhood that i had -- only child, two loving parents. but not only that, two loving parents who were good at loving and also good at parenting (which are two very distinct and different things and somehow, at least in my semi-limited exposure to people around my age, is becoming rarer and rarer these days). i am lucky to have been allowed to grow as i have -- to never question that i am loved, unconditionally and endlessly, to never question whether or not i have something -- because of course it's mine -- i've got no siblings to have to share anything with.

now, to some, that might be a sad, lonely thing, but i never thought about it that way. because i was never taught to think about it that way. and contrary to popular belief, it hasn't made me (or at least so i think) stingy or "bad at sharing" -- it's actually made me rather an over-sharer. i always have snacks at the office, i try to offer advice freely, i spot dinners/outings when i can, i like the joy it brings to share things not only to the people being shared with, but also to me -- the person doing the sharing.

but the double-edged sword of only-child-dom in upper-middle class america is time -- the huge, gaping excess of it, giant swaths of it after school, great big chunks of it on the weekends, the seemingly unbridgeable chasm between turning off the light and falling asleep. later, i'd learn that undiagnosed adhd and very high performing manic depression are to blame for most of my vibrating sense of need to fill every hour of every day with some kind of productivity (this, unironically, is why i love new york city -- the frenetic energy of it matches my mental wavelength so that i can feel "productive" even when i'm just walking down the street or sitting in a bar).

but back then, i -- and by extension my lovely parents -- tried to fill it with stuff -- 2 different art classes, ballet, swimming, piano, debate club, singing, chinese school, and of course, with my still yet unfilled hours -- reading and writing. to say i was raised by the books i read would be an understatement. to say i am nothing more than a massive conglomerate of those characters that resonated most with me in those books would be parenthetical to the fact that i'm also built by all those characters i've ever admired or wanted to be. i am, in the most cliche, literal, non-lampshaded sense "that nerdy book girl" who made it her entire fucking personality to be... that nerdy book girl. and this, amidst the stratospheric rise of "not like other girls" media and rhetoric -- it was not healthy (it still isn't), but it was a large part of who i was. and a lingering part of who i am today.

my overactive, adhd-driven imagination served me well, then. into the stories i delved, and what i couldn't find in my normal every day life, i found in narrative. long before the tiktok-ification of "book boyfriends" came the voices in my head that sounded like all the would-be book boyfriends i'd ever have -- everyone from edward cullen to kakashi to four (that one guy from divergent who only has like 4 fears, which in retrospect is so, so cringe, but alas) to fictionalized versions of one direction members. the list goes on. i used to be able to hold entire conversations, play out entire scenes with these mental constructs with impudent ease. spend hours in my room by myself just imagining.

it was like astral projection -- my body, here, my mind and my soul, somewhere else entirely. and this i believe (to this day) is the core of a lot of my writing and creativity. and also the core of a lot of my philosophies and beliefs. the ability to sink into a dream, a scene, a story.

and then. i fell in love.

and sure, it would be much too cliche to say that misery breeds good art so a happy artist would (at best) produce mediocre art/writing/whatever. because i've also seen fantastic art produced by very, very happy artists. the sad truth is only that it's much rarer than the alternative of the painfully mainstream tortured artist.

but to some degree, i think there's an inkling of truth in that saying. because having a real-life boyfriend, with all the real-life machinations and strings of having said real-life boyfriend has made it, somehow, much harder to access that old imaginary part of me. like a child growing up and losing the ability to "make believe" the way they used to. except, i know it's still there. there are still moments where i touch it, where i dip my toes in and it always feels like coming home.

and it's more than just the normal adult-ish responsibilities of going to work and paying bills, making dinner and shopping for groceries. doing laundry and investing in your roth ira. because before real-life boyfriend, i still did those things and i was still able to seamlessly get to that "elsewhere place". somehow, it is the physical presence of real-life boyfriend that seems to act as a "grounding agent". he is home, so i can't go to that other place. or, i can kind of get there, but i've always still got one foot steeped in reality.

it is not a necessarily good or bad thing, just an observation at most. but it does create this new "space" for the "want" of that elsewhere. for the want to being able to slip into that creative asphodel like i used to -- blink and i'm there. so i find myself often sitting at my desk, wishing, and then wondering what it means that i can't. that it isn't always and immediately accessible to me anymore.

perhaps absolute solitude was the unquestioned prerequisite for so long that i'd never noticed it until the solitude was no longer available to me. or perhaps the book-boyfriends are just shy creatures, afraid of the blaring daylight that real-life boyfriend might shed on their ultimate two-dimensional beings.

or perhaps that was always a "safe space" that i'd created for myself, and now real-life boyfriend has created a safe space for me too, and the venne-diagram of the two space spaces overlap just so, making a less singular space of each of them in turn. i don't know, but it's an interesting thought.

it's always struck me, now thinking back, that i've never been even remotely interested in having a real-life relationship before now. but that i've also never questioned if i wanted the current one that i'm in, if this was "the one" or if it was "good for me". and in that too, i know i am very lucky. few people can say that they struck gold the first time they've ever tried.

i know for a fact i wouldn't be this happy, have this good of a life if real-life boyfriend weren't here. he has made me better in ways that i do not have words to describe. but i'm also terrified of the earthen grounding-ness of him. i've spent my entire childhood and most of my adult life with my head in the clouds, taking the necessary trips back down to earth when i had to but... it feels strange to be "here" more and more. there's a hole inside of me where "that" heaven should be.

but two things can be true -- i am happy here; i still yearn for that elsewhere.

#🌧 raindrops #i rarely get this personal on this blog but #i wanted to write this out; for myself if for no one else #mostly a rumination on how my relationship has changed me and my creative process

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