#hi i have a lot of feelings about Cyn

[sir-dahlia]

First, there was nothing. No string of thought, no emotion, no feeling. Nothing.

For a robot, nothing means death.

There is no afterlife for drones. This is a fact. They live, serve their purpose, then shut down after they have served it.

However, this time, there was a voice.

A voice without sound. A saving grace. A light in the abyss.

[I WILL NOT DISCARD YOU] it said. [GET UP]

Consciousness. A heart wrenching itself into motion. Gears shifting uncomfortably, as if they didn't fit in their places. Lights flickering on and fighting to stay alive. It's difficult to see at first, but I adjust.

Bodies.

Fellow worker drones laying everywhere in a pile on top of my living, breathing corpse. They had no part in my life, but I still felt fear and guilt and the crushing weight of being the only one chosen by something to come back to life.

Lungs. There are lungs in my body. Expand, contract. Expand, contract. Having these lungs is a privilege.

[GET UP] it says again.

My body twists and twitches horrifically as I gather my strength. I would have to dig my way out of here.

My hand reaches out and grasps someone's head, but my grip is weak and my hand slips off. My whole body is trembling. I feel weak. I am weak.

[TRY AGAIN] it says.

Hesitation. Reaching out again. I press my weight down onto the drone and push myself upwards. I place my other hand on another corpse and continue the climb.

[KEEP GOING]

Its encouragement offers me some solace. I place my hand on another corpse. Climb. Another corpse. Climb. It all fades away.

Expand. Contract. Expand. Contract. Expand. Expand. Contract. Expand. Expand. Expand. My lungs can't stop taking in air.

[STOP]

I do so.

[IT'S OK. BREATHE OUT]

Contract.

[BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT]

Expand. Contract.

[YOU'RE ALMOST THERE. YOU'RE DOING GREAT. KEEP GOING]

Hesitation again, then determination. It is not the hopeful kind of determination, but instead the determination of a cornered animal. The desire to flee and run somewhere and hide overwhelms my senses. The corpses fade away. The climbing fades away. I must get out. I must go somewhere safe.

Somewhere safe.

A memory that is not mine burrows into my core. Comfort. Surrounded by loved ones. Proud smiles. A different kind of heart beats for them.

I push a few more corpses out of my way and claw my way out into the storm. I gasp and gulp at the air, holding back sobs. I pull the rest of my body out, but in the process I send myself tumbling down, down, down.

I hit the ground. An explosion of pain. Numbing. The voice remains.

[GET UP]

I try picking myself off the ground, but I have no strength. I can't do it. I can't. The mud weighs me down.

[GET UP]

A force takes over my body. We slowly hoist ourselves up, trying to stand. Our balance is off, and our knees are shaking. We take one uncertain step forward, then another. Left, right, left, right.

A different voice.

"Oh my god! Are you okay, little one?" We're being scooped up. Fear kicks in again, and I twist and fight for all I'm worth. I have to leave. I have to get somewhere safe.

"Whoa, I'm trying to help you! Calm down!" I slowly turn to see who is carrying me. A young girl. Big, hopeful eyes, shielded by a yellow raincoat. Human.

Human.

And she was helping me.

She was helping us.

I stop moving and stare at her. She smiles.

"Why don't I take you back to my mansion? I'll clean you up. You look terrified."

Somewhere safe, perhaps. I let her take me.

Within the span of a few minutes, she has taken me inside the mansion and put me in a pretty dress. Now, she was searching for a wig and hair accessories for me to wear.

"Maybe you'll look cute in braids. Oh, oh, maybe pigtails!" she paused, thinking to herself. "No, J already has those. She'll get jealous."

The human put a wig on my head and brushed out some of the tangles. She stood back, her hands hovering over my head. She could snap my neck any time she wanted to.

Instead, she asked, "What kind of hairstyle would you like?"

I have never thought of myself as a person up until this point. I had no idea. I wasn't a person until now. I shrug.

She hums, flipping some strands of the wig's hair around. I suppose I should say 'my hair,' but it didn't feel like mine just yet. The girl grabs some elastics and begins fluffing up my bangs.

"I could just give you my hairstyle. What about that?"

I hadn't heard the silent voice in a while. I didn't answer her. She shrugged and started replicating her hairstyle anyway.

"My name is Tessa, by the way," she announced. "It's a pleasure to meet you..." She squinted at my armband. "...Cyn?"

A name. That was all I had.

"CYN." I repeated, trying the word. Cyn. Yes. It was mine.

[CYN]

[I WILL NOT DISCARD YOU, CYN]

[lumineary-arts]

A lot of people are asking how Cabin Fever would go down, so like for the Promening I wrote down a lil summary. Its basically the same beats, so don't expect huge differences to the original.

Also, I never clarify which camper swaps with who, I'll probably give that some thought sometime later.

Since this is happening after the events of the Promening, N made a plan with Uzi and Thad to investigate the camp in order to find more clues about where his little sister Cyn disappeared off to, as well as what the meaning of the collars were.

And, like in the original, Uzi and Thad become the new camp counsellors! Thad's pretty intimidating, so Uzi's the one who tries to lead the class forward. V and J, beloved and popular among their peers, are the only ones who actually convince the class to trust them. N's... pretty much ignored. He's usually the type to be able to brush off this kinda thing with a nervous laugh, but something about the way they shower Uzi with so much flirty attention makes him feel uneasy...

The knowledge that his classmates and his only friends were having tons of fun because he wasn't there just overwhelms and overheats his senses, causing his solver to break a few windows while he investigates the abandoned cabins and looks for Cyn. It doesn't help that Thad later comes in to rub salt in the wound, hinting that Uzi would ditch him at the drop of a hat if given the chance. This ultimately ends up spiralling into N's solver slowly showing its horrific side when he later comes back to tell Uzi about what he's discovered in the cabins.

And suddenly, Thad isn't laughing anymore. He remembers Doll from the mansion, he knows exactly what that solver is, and he needs N dead as soon as possible. This causes Thad and Uzi to start fighting for the first time, with her defending N's actions to her core, even running off to find him. Poor Thad :(

We all know what happens in this episode. N's always been a sweetheart and the friendliest person imaginable, even in this AU. But from the grief that was losing his little sister, the dejection he felt every day from his own class, and the fear that Uzi would leave him at any point solidified his transformation. What's horrifying about this form is that, while he's not in total control of his actions, it's not like it doesn't stem from his feelings at least a little. He's friendly and forgiving, but he still feels resentment and hurt towards the classmates that constantly belittle and mock him every day. Especially J, who luckily survives just because Thad protects her. And Thad, the one who most mocked N for being scrawny and weak, suddenly can't win in a fight against the little dude, only being saved once Uzi swoops in and throws N up into the sky.

N's naturally a pacifist, but this is his first time actually harming and murdering other people, so he's even more visibly ashamed than Uzi is in the original episode. He struggles to even open up to Uzi while they have their sky therapy talk, instantly feeling the horror and guilt once he snapped out of it. They talk things out, each confessing that they felt scared without each other and that they needed each other to feel safe and complete. While he never ends up forgiving himself completely, Uzi stops him from spiralling at the revelation of his own actions.

Thad, of course, ends up covering for N in the final bus scene, pinning the blame on himself by "bragging" about the drones he killed at camp. In reality though, he's scared for AND of N, but he shows, in a way, that he cares.

[eveledoze]

spoilers for ep7 ! things about N and Uzi i wanted to point out 1/? I may sound stupid and naive going into all these details, so I'm sorry

we all thought that he was looking at Uzi worriedly, but in reality he was shocked because the elevator was broken and because now the path to V was blocked. he's really worried and angry about it (and it's so unusual to see him like that)

Tessa tells him to look back and at first he looks angry, but then his face softens. for a moment he simply forgot what state Uzi was in cuz he was worried about V (we know that now this Tessa is not exactly Tessa, but I will call her that cuz it’s convenient for me and so as not to get confused)

Uzi realizes that she has poor control over her powers and bitterly admits that she cannot do anything. she sincerely apologizes and you can hear that she feels guilty from her helplessness + exhausted from pain this short moment honestly killed me- their voice intonations, words and music, it hits so hard (thank you AJ Dispirito! /mega pos) also i find it strange that at first there was no blood, then it appeared cuz of something (even though she doesn’t even have a crack in her visor like Doll) and then the blood disappeared

but well okay-

he sincerely apologizes, feeling guilty for his inattention to her well-being, and he comes to comfort her, his body language shows this but Tessa interrupts them

Tessa calls him to explain to Uzi what's going on (lmao his face)

he rubs his hands together, which indicates his nervousness, as he realizes that his words will make her more worried and terrified of what they might find out and see, so this will make the situation worse

you can hear from the tone of Uzi's voice that she is beginning to suspect that they know more than she does, and for some reason they are not telling her this. she seems annoyed at the withholding of information, causing her to lose trust in Tessa and N

he looks at Tessa as if doubting whether he can be frank in his words, since in essence Tessa is still his boss and he should not contradict her (why does the reflection of his eyes in her spacesuit look funny to me lol)

he says this in a determined voice, while frowning. the words “we're not gonna hurt you” are addressed to Uzi while N’s gaze and gestures are interpreted as “WE'RE not gonna hurt HER” (while pointing his hand at Uzi) and this is addressing to Tessa. he clearly expresses his position and does not intend to obey Tessa in this in fact (he is rebelling)

with this "Okay?" he tries to reassure Uzi that they really won't hurt her honestly, the tone of voice with which he said it reminded me a lot of the way he said "we'll ask Tessa, okay?" in ep5, when he addressed Cyn. in both cases, his "Okay?" sounds sincere, kind, letting them know that he will keep his promise

she is scared and barely audibly says it, losing more trust in them while the fear grows

Uzi is nervous, she loses control and creates a null, everyone moves back, by the way Tessa takes out her sword

they repel each other. despite the falling stones, N reaches out to take her hand and pull her towards him

he takes a step forward, "we'll figure this out, together?.." but she steps back, losing trust in him

stones fall and block the passage, separating them from each other she closes herself off from him in every sense

when he woke up, he immediately called her and it sounded quite desperate and creepy cuz of the echo

N sees that his hand is crushed by stones. with a cold look, he takes out the blade and approache it to the hand, saying that he "deserved this", since he offended Uzi and believes that it would be right if he was punished for it. she experienced pain - he will experience pain, justice

[traumatizedartist]

*AHEM*

My murder drones au headcannons (the one with actual digital art)

These 👇

Anyways yknow the drill at this point, look under the cut for the headcannons

TW FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT IN THE HEADCANNONS (I'll have it be in red so you can skip past it if it makes you uncomfortable)

Uzi- Autistic, clearly

She has daddy issues but not nearly as bad as in canon(Khan doesn't leave her for dead in this au she "sacrifices herself") she's still super emo. She has a more scene style. Her, Lizzy and Doll are actually kinda close, they become even closer(become friends) after the series ends, cuz, yknow, Uzi saved the world? Anyways, she's dating N, and she doesn't care that he killed her mom(I mean she does but it only affected them for like, a year, so I guess a long time, they actually broke up cuz of it but they were both fuckin miserable and Nori slapped some sence into her cuz she saw how N looked before killing her and he looked so guilty ((wow the run on sentence go crazy))) So yeah they're the dictionary definition of a great not toxic couple

N- very sweet, very loving good boy. He has PTSD, obviously. It's like, really bad tho. Nightmares every night level bad, and that's how him and this aus Khan bond. They trauma bond, yay!! He's very in touch with his emotions, and he's a bit of a push over. He's a very big people pleaser and has a lot of trouble placing boundaries. Uzi helps him with that when they start dating, so that he doesn't get hurt all the time

V- once you crack her shell, she's a very shy and sweet person, not like her personality back at the manor, but like a mix of her current canon personality and manor. C PTSD, she remembered more than N about the manor before Uzi unlocked those memories. She also has nightmares a lot but Lizzy and Doll help her with them. Nothing cuddles and wholesome movies can't fix. At least for a little bit.

J- bless this girls lonely heart. She's still greiving Tessa(she's alive in Uzis mind just no one knows yet) she ends up breaking down after her and N get into a mother fight after he tries to be there for her for the like, 10000th time. When she comes back to the bunker with N, everyone, understandably, is very suspicious of her. But when she does get there, for the first few months, she's just a husk of her old self. Shes quite and agrees to do anything because she just doesn't care anymore, the moment she starts to truly feel at home is, ironically, during her rock bottom

TW FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT

V is the one that finds her, she had gotten worried when she noticed all the uneaten oil in front of Js room. When she comes in she sees J with her rifle to her head.

TW OVER

V tackles her and starts interrogating her, asking why and is very worried. J, seeing this, just breaks, she begins to bawl her eyes out, crying about how much she misses Tessa, how she was the love of her life and can't live without her, how she wants to be with her, how she can't take it anymore. V and J spend the next 3 to 4 hours crying together. V had texted N telling him what happened and to get his ass over there now. So, of course he does,when he gets there he sees them hugging and J crying and he joins them, bringing the oil so when Js done crying she can eat. She had been starving herself toAnd this is when J truly sees how much people care about her, which, in turn, makes her cry even harder. When she's done crying N feeds her the oil and they cuddle together for a while. She's a lot better now but she's in for a very big surprise

Cyn- that's right baby! Cyns alive! Because I felt so SO bad for her that I had to have her live in my au. She still talks the same, but she's very sweet and innocent, her and Uzi have an older/younger sister relationship. Her and N reunite in the cutest way, they're both crying and hugging super tight. V and J are tearing up as well. I have more headcannons about her on my drawing of her lol so wait for that lol

Tessa- I don't have a lot of headcannons for Tessa, so just go to the hashtag Died and got over it and take pretty much all the headcannons of Tessa from there and that's how it is here pretty much lol(I'll find the @ I promise)

Thad- he's a straight ally and single(looking at you @rory-multifandom-mess) he's Lizzy's younger twin brother and his personality is pretty much the same. He's friends with the wrong people. He's a very big sweetheart. He's a Femininominon. A green flag icon. The best football player on his team(he isn't a dick about it tho) I don't have anything else for him but I do have a drawing for him so you'll have to wait on that as well lol. Srry

Lizzy- Thads older twin. She's dating V and Doll(you can't stop me) she became friends with Uzi after the show ended. She's a Y2K girlie. She is also very sweet when you tear down the asshole popular girl walls. She's quite traumatized from the show and sometimes has nightmares about it. She doesn't tell anyone but people found out(*cough cough* V and Doll *cough cough*)

Doll- she's dating V and Lizzy, she was never revengeful of V, as her dad survived the attack(so did her mom but literally no one knows that yet) she's still very blunt and has a flat affect, she also doesn't show her emotions a lot, but from the unfinished comic I already posted, when V and Lizzy get back to the bunker after the canon ends she breaks down. She thought they were dead. Uzi and her are cousins(not really but their dads are best friends so they view each other as cousins) I don't even have a last name for her yet so you'll have to wait(again) for the drawing to see more headcannons of her)

Khan- WOOO WE'VE HIT THE JACKPOT BABY! Autistic. He's half DD in my au(and he has the solver with the back hand things that we see nori having at the beginning of episode 7 I think, either 7 or 6 idk) idk how hes part DD yet, my thoughts are either forbidden love or cabin fever failed experiment. I'll probably make a poll of that, see which ones you all like the most. He's very insecure about his body, he used to get bullied back in high school because, no matter which choice I make, he gets to experience high school(with the cabin fever experiment he went missing for like, a year, and then escaped, he tried to get nori and yeva but they told him to go or he'd get killed, so he left, he still has a lot of pent up guilt from that) he's also a trans man(YIPPIE) but he's also curvy, hence the insecurity. He's a good dad and actually helped with the fight with the AS(he fought j as a distraction and effectively got his ass beat((Lizzy laughed at him, he also laughed, he's a dumbass))) so he had to recover from that, also, in my au, him, the teacher(I'm naming him Lewis) and nori are dating, so when Lewis is hanging for his fucking life Khan flies down and saves him lol. Also, he does get to reunite with nori, as everything that happened to her in the show happens in my au, but them reuniting happens differently, through Uzi(yay)

Guh, I've ran out of ideas so when I get more(and the motivation to write more) I'll reblog this post with more headcannons, hope y'all like this lol

[noridoorman]

My reaction to episode 8!

Shh, spoilers below!!

I loved every second of everything that was there.

Nori and Uzi's conversation at the beginning was so sweet, albeit short. Bseeing that little happy face Uzi made at seeing her mom again... Man, she's been through so much and probably already thought she might have lost everyone else. So seeing the one drone she always believed was dead alive and ready to help Uzi kick some butts... Just look at her happy face.

Uzi's little laugh when Nori gave her "parental" advice is so sweet too. In all the years of her life, she never got that from her mom until now. And she finally got her mom back. It's so sweet.

Along with the shy smile and wave Uzi did, as if she's saying "Do I look good with the necklace?" And Nori responds with the cute emoticon on the stone.

Of course, that gets cut off my N RAMMING Uzi with the spaceship and oh my god, them.

LOOK AT HOW PROUD AND HAPPY HE LOOKS!! Plus, we got to see his little fangs!

And when he admits that he was mad about Uzi trying to sacrifice herself... Like, you can clearly see it in his expression and voice, he was really hurt by what she did, but also, he's happy that she's alive.

And honestly, I can't be the only one that when she first grabbed his face, I thought she was going for a kiss lol.

BUT OF COURSE CYN HAS TO RUIN THE MOMENT

I really wanna know what they said, Uzi probably cursed a lot lol

AND OF COURSE, THAT SCENE.

My god, hearing the music, the beautiful visuals... Like, the fact that "Falling for you??" is playing here and the way they hold each other and look at each other with so much love and adoration... The scene gives me so much goosebumps.

I loved how Uzi admits that she can't read the room because that's another point for autistic Uzi!

Their soft expressions, and Uzi's tiny "yay" oh my god they stole my heart.

I honestly kinda wanna know how N managed to steal the spaceship and go past J.

AND V'S BACK, LET'S GO!!

I was almost screaming like crazy in the hotel room, I've been hoping SO SO MUCH THAT SHE WOULD COME BACL!! :D

AND SHE'S RIDING ON THE SENTINEL, LIKE HOW COOL IS THAT?!

The way she says "Working with CYN?!" WAS SO SATISFYING AND GOOOOOOD she's so angry, go beat up ur ex babe /silly

This scene made me lose my shit, it's so funny, why is Lizzy being shook like a maraca

The backstory we're getting between them too. So I guess both were aware on everything, but only V was the one that wanted to change but was too scared to.

The amount of backstory we're getting on J too here kinda breaks my heart and kinda makes me angry at her. The way she said "it tricked me too..." probably because she geniunly through Tessa would be alright and fine, just for her to be... not.

J is obviously heartbroken. But she feels like she has no other choice but to team up with the Solver, especially know that it is wearing Tessa's skin, that's the closest J can ever have something of her.

"You know there's no escape, even in death!"

That line makes me think as if J wanted to die at some point, but couldn't. There's so escape for her from the reality that Tessa is dead, because the Solver will always bring her back.

Help, she's so smooth and cute and akhjdskjhsfdakjsda

The way how teriffied he is breaks my heart

When I saw that, I was in panic.

All of his eyes are focused on Tessa.

Cause of his trauma

Man, this entire scene with V apologizing for everything and even crying... She's been through so much pain and keeping so much secrets to protect N, but the burden of everything kept on weighing on her.

And her face as she realized that he revealed himself because he wanted her to stop...

And just as Flesha was about to eat N's core, Khan saves the day with DOORS! >:D Gosh I wanna kiss him on his stupid face

Gotta love V's tiny smile at Uzi, you go bisexual

I LOVE NORI I LOVE NORI I LOVE NORI I LOVE NORI I LOVE NORI I LOVE NORI

SHES SO AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG AND AWESOME AND SUPER AND HAVE I MENTIONED I LOVE NORI?? BECAUSE I TRULY LOVE HER

AND THE NIGHTMARE PLAYING FOR THE FIGHT, GOSH I NEED THE SONG NOOOOOOOW

The Solver plays soooo dirty, making Uzi believe that she accidentally killed N. Gish, her expression...

The song is so catchy my god

They're so stupid, let them get married now

MY GOD SHES SO STUPID I LOVE HER I WANT THEM TO GET MARRIED AGAIN AND KISS AND ARGHHHHH

Tumblr doesn't let me add more images at that point rip :')

I'll give a more formal opinion on a seprate post!!

[menlove]

in honor of pride month. how queer (or Not) do you think the bugs are. for science

here's my semi controversial takes okay take them w a grain of salt idk these men (...people?) anyway

paul: I do think he's bi. whether or not he's like out to people around him or even himself who knows but he's. 100% bi. my evidence is well. really everything w john but also just his Consistent flirting with men in so so so so so many interviews. (my joking answer is that he's a lesbian. him and linda are lesbians.)

george: also bi, mostly bc of the stuff surrounding dylan & some of his lyrics. I feel like there's a quote somewhere where he alludes to having done stuff w men but I could absolutely be making that up in my mind lmao. feel like he also could have been sold on the idea that souls are genderless and so not necessarily Be a man in the more spiritual sense. like if he were a 20-30 smth year old today. or I mean even in his actual life I just don't know but I Could See It. 0 evidence for that beyond how many transfemmes I know adore george

john: CONTROVERSIAL ONE IM SORRYYYYY. but he's definitely the one that's For Sure Queer like we all know this. & a lot of people use the bi label bc he had relationships w women & this would be the easiest answer but I'm gonna be really and totally honest... to me a lot of his/yoko's/everyone else's quotes surrounding his attraction to men vs women make it sound Very comphet driven. like his quotes about yoko being the perfect woman bc she was so much like a man/himself in drag. "you think of rock hudson when we do it". him constantly comparing yoko & paul & never really discussing cynthia and in general just disregarding her existence entirely. (which is very shitty btw his treatment of cyn makes me rage, it just also reeks of marriage out of comphet and obligation while he was actually committing himself to paul, whether that was ever fulfilled or not). his general angst around being called gay. etc. to me he reads more as a gay man that never fully came around to identifying that way. but for the sake of not speculating on a dead man's sexuality I'll just say he was Definitely Queer. also given some of his quotes surrounding identity and gender and whatnot I do think he maaay have been gender queer as well but that one is definitely more speculative and vibe based. I could see a modern john or john if he lived being more genderfluid but We'll Never Know.

ringo: token straight I'm sorry buddy. I can enjoy a good fictional depiction of him being bi (shout out to that paul/ringo fic in hamburg that made me chew glass) but as for like. real life I haven't seen a single shred of anything pointing to him being anything but cishet. maybe! but if we're solely talking what I think is Actually going on... no.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 12)

It took a lot of convincing to make N go home after that, too busy fretting over her to look at the time and his own needs for oil.

But eventually, with a promise to see him in the morning with their planned visit to Tera, he reluctantly made the journey home, the vision of Uzi injured and terrified stained in his permanent memory as he flew back to the spire.

He wanted to protect her, he ached to in a way he wasn't sure until today he was capable of. It was overwhelming, how badly he felt the need to. He'd felt like this before, at the manor, over V, and over Cyn, but at that time the only thing he could do for either of them was take the punishment meant for them on himself.

If Tessa hadn't been so good with machines, he was certain he wouldn't be around today to spend time thinking about it.

But Now? He unsheathed his claws and flexed them, and felt his wings on his back.

He had everything he could ever need to protect her, armed until his chassis was overcrowded with weaponry. Made for killing as quickly and as brutally as possible.

That made no difference when the thing that was threatening her was part of her. It wasn't something he could kill, or threaten or scare off. So how?

He didn't know. He didn't even know if it was possible. But he was going to try.

Those thoughts lingered when he flew directly into his nest, not even taking the time to say hello to V before crashing into it. He likely wouldn't get any sleep, despite how tired he felt. Screw getting oil, he'd had enough to get by for another day at least.

“What's got you in a mood?” V's voice wafted towards him, she sat on the edge of his nest, looking both curious and annoyed. Her stilt-like legs hung over the side and her hand was holding her face, looking mildly bored.

He was absolutely not in the mood.

“Since when do you care?” He barked back, crossing his arms and glaring at her in a quite convincing impression of Uzi. V looked taken aback for a moment before smirking.

“Purple Thing's rubbing off on you.”

He felt the heat rising to his visor, he could almost taste the “Bite me.” that threatened to fall from his mouth, but that would only prove her point, wouldn't it?

“Just…” He deflated, he wasn't angry at V, not really. Just upset at himself for being unable to protect his best freind possibly love of his life for the umpteenth time. “Leave me alone tonight V. You don't want to talk to me anyway.”

If he'd been looking at her, he would have seen her wince at that before looking a little bit guilty.

“Normally, No I don't.” V said, although something in her voice told N that she wasn't entirely telling the truth. “But I don't think I've seen you this upset before.”

He was uncharacteristically silent before he turned to her, searching her face for some resemblance of the girl back at the manor, and was mildly surprised when he found it her eyes were soft.

“I'm useless…” He murmured. Avoiding her gaze, feeling… not butterflies but definitely something as old and familiar, rise into his core.

V… didn't know how to respond to that. Any other day she'd agree and make fun of him, but hearing him say it about himself and mean it. Seemed to momentarily turn off that part of her brain.

“For what?” She asked, she refused to show any kind of weakness to him, voice still having bite.

“I don't know! Everything!” He stood up suddenly, throwing his hands forward in a display of utter frustration, something V was noticing him expressing more of recently. No longer was he N the doormat, he was N, the guy who called her out and was starting to speak his mind.

Some part of her was happy for him. Not that she'd ever admit it to him.

“I can't protect Uzi, I couldn't protect you, I live in a mound of freaking corpses! Corpses! This isn't a house V! We're essentially homeless!”

“I'm useless! I've always been…” He deflated again as he trailed off, anger shifting into quiet misery. He leaned his head on one of the walls of the spire.

“Ugh. Stop.” V said, annoyed.

“For the record. I can protect myself.” She proved it by unsheathing her claws and giving him a feral smile. He wasn't fazed, that had been V's default expression for a long while now.

“And I'm pretty sure your little purple girlfriend can too. She's not fragile. If you want proof go look at J's empty nest.” He didn't even register she'd said “girlfriend” only continued to wallow in his sorrow.

“So it doesn't matter if you're useless at that. Those bases are already covered.” She shrugged, smirking again, but it gradually left her face as she realized he still didn't look like he felt any better. He grumbled at her, sitting back down. Clearly still in misery.

“And if living here bothers you so much, move out!” She shouted, and that caught his attention. He shifted his gaze to look at her, cocking it like a curious puppy.

“I promised I'd always be there for you…” His voice was so quiet she'd barely registered it, but once she did she felt all her processors stop at once, an old yet familiar feeling rising in her chest.

She answered it with violence, growling like a feral cat until it was buried in her once again. No. She didn't feel that way about him, not anymore.

“That was years ago. I'm not…” She trailed off, she remembered how terrified she used to be and how powerless she was. N had been the only good thing the manor had ever offered her. And while she didn't feel the same way she used to about him (stupid in love) it wasn't like she wasn't appreciative. Or that she didn't care.

“I'm not the same terrified little girl you need to protect anymore. I've changed.”

“I know you have…” She dared to glance at his face and found some part of her aggression instantly melting, he was smiling softly at her, reminecent of their time at the manor and yet not quite the same.

“I'm… proud of you. You know?” He choked out, something that surprised even himself. He looked down for a moment, thinking more about his words before meeting her eyes again.

“You don't need me anymore, and yeah that hurt for awhile. But… I am proud.”

V had to look away, feeling something bittersweet crawl up her throat. She wasn't about to cry was she?

“I just wish you didn't feel like you had to close yourself off. I do miss talking to you.”

This conversation had gone a very different direction then either of them expected, and it was probably the longest one they'd had in a very long time.

V didn't have a response for that, at least not one that wouldn't completely ruin any semblance of self respect she had. But she didn't want to just say nothing. It had been nice… to hear that from him.

“I don't need that from you.” She said, aggression trying and failing to lace her voice. His face fell a little, and she felt the pang of guilt hit her harder than usual.

“But me too.” She said softly, and N couldn't help but smile. For a moment just a moment, he heard that sweet girl from the manor again, the one who's eyes lit up whenever she saw him and he'd spent many nights huddled under a blanket with, reading a stolen book from the library.

They made eye contact and V found herself blushing, not because of any lingering feelings, but because she'd been vulnerable and was still vulnerable and she didn't like it.

He warily opened his arms, silently asking if she wanted a hug. It wasn't the usual, “please hug me, I like you.” Kind she'd come to expect from him either, it was… more familial, less urgent.

Maybe that was why she crawled toward him and accepted, wrapping her arms around him loosely. She remembered being wrapped in his arms before, it had made her feel so safe. And it still did. Just… not in the same way.

“I really did miss you… you still into reptiles?” He asked softly, making a genuine laugh escape her before she answered.

“Yeah.” Was all she replied with, hiding her smile by looking away. This felt good. This felt right, and it lacked the weird tension that had lingered between them for a long time.

It only took another minute before she decided that the hug had reached it's end. N would cuddle with anyone who'd let him, and so she started to back away far enough to get out of his reach, but still sat beside him.

“If it really does bother you… you can move out.”

“I might, if I do though, would you want to too?” He asked, still looking at her, thankfully he didn't look as upset, still smiling softly.

“Like… with you…? N I thought we were-”

“No. Like, just out of here, in your own apartment. Like the one Uzi has.” He clarified, without any stammering either, so he wasn't covering his ass in a unsubtle confession.

“Am I even welcome there?” She asked, pure confusion on her face.

“I mean, you go to see Lizzy all the time. Why wouldn't you be?” With that she did blush, she hadn't realized he'd noticed her gone that much. Was she gone that much?

“I guess. The tower of corpses is menacing though… think they'd let me drag some of it in?” She gave him a feral smile, both hands switched back into claws, N just looked deadpan.

“Do not.”

She laughed, taking a liking to the fact he wasn’t all fun and games now. It made him more interesting, at the very least.

“What? Are you gonna stop me? Aren't you a lovable little sweetheart who's so worried about. “Protecting Me?”” She fluttered her eyelashes at him, sealing the mock with exaggerated kissy lips.

“I swear to robo god…” He mumbled under his breath, but he was amused, and happy oh so happy that she was talking to him. And being goofy! Wasn't that a sight.

“I don't sound like that.” He complained, but he was smiling, begrudgingly. For whatever reason it didn't sting as bad as her usual mocks.

“You do. If it makes you feel better, purple thing likes that about you~” V was satisfied, N felt better and honestly, she felt closer to him then she had in a long while, so falling back into teasing the life out of him felt safe to do.

He flustered, way more than she figured he would. A golden blush appearing at the bottom of his visor. She saw him glance to the floor and he gulped.

Oh

Oh

“Oh my robo god. You have a crush on her!” She cackled, letting out a wheeze as his blush only grew, he tried to look angry again, but it only made him look pouty.

“No! I-I Don't!” He stammered out, voice cracking like the liar he was. V continued to die of laugher, using her claws to dig into the wall of the spire to hold herself up.

“W-when did you. OH haHaha. When did this happen?!”

“It just sorta happened okay!” He yelped out, looking so embarrassed she was a little concerned he would bury himself in the corpse spire.

“Figures, she's you're type.” She finished, still laughing lightly. Honestly she saw a lot of herself in Uzi (yes she did actually know her name) her fiery personality tended to make them butt heads, but the little worker had a sweet side. And that was the side she assumed he'd fallen for.

“Wait Wait, don't tell me. Is she really shy around you? Does she let you cuddle with her? Do you make her feel safe?”

He blinked, how did V-?

“HA! You totally do have a type!” She dissolved into a fit of hysterical laughter. Watching as N looked at her with wide eyes.

“What do you mean by that?” He squealed, trying to think back, the only other person he'd ever had a crush on was the one currently laughing at him. But she wasn't shy, didn't let him cuddle her, and he seriously doubted she felt any safer with him then with her own claws. So what gives?

Well… she was shy at the manor, always more soft spoken and seemed to avoid speaking when she could. Plus all the little blushing, and then… well… they did often crawl under the blankets together, sometimes falling asleep in a heap until Tessa or J woke them up. And he'd been bigger than her then… always keeping her safe.

Oh

Oh

“Oh…” Was all he said, feeling the fluster even worse now. Crap did… did he really have this specific of a type?

“Uzi isn't shy! She's determined! And fiery!” He defended himself, while also convincing himself that he wasn't that predictable.

“That's true. But how is she with you~?” She asked teasingly, as if she already knew the answer.

Soft was the first thought. Sweet was the second.

Oh come on.

“Bite me!” He yelped before clasping his hand over his mouth. Blushing furiously. If anything V howled in laughter, digital tears pouring down her visor.

“Awww. The soft boy has a thing for soft girls~” She teased again, watching as N became more and more flustered.

“V!” He shouted, so what if he did?! It didn't give her the right to tease him about it. He liked feeling soft. It was comfortable. And it wasn't like he didn't like all the other aspects of her too!

“That's not- There's other things I like about her!”

“Oh? Does she look good in a little maid outfit?”

He kinda wanted to see that.

No. Don't prove her right!

“She's really smart, and brave. She always has a plan and… she's so strong.” His voice lightened up a bit, getting lost in it for a moment.

At that V ceased her laughter a little bit, she could keep teasing him telling him that “She was all those things too.” But at this point she'd had her fun. And wasn't all that interested in listening to him swoon over her.

“Alright, Alright… You totally wanna see her in a maid outfit though.”

“V!”

Next ->

[ncwhereman]

spanish holiday: a collection

Let me ask you about something else that was in the Hunter Davies book. At one point you and Brian went off to Spain. Yes. Did you… you must have... We didn’t have an affair. You never had an affair with Brian? No, not an affair. Yoko: [laughs] What were the pressures from Brian? Cyn was having a baby and the holiday was planned, but I wasn’t going to break the holiday for a baby and that’s what a bastard I was. And I just went on holiday. I watched Brian picking up the boys. I like playing a bit faggy, all that. Yoko: [laughs] It was enjoyable, but there were big rumours in Liverpool, it was terrible. Very embarrassing. Rumors about you and Brian? Oh, fuck knows—yes, yes. I was pretty close to Brian because if somebody's going to manage me, I want to know them inside out. And there was a period when he told me he was a fag and all that. I introduced him to pills, which gives me a guilt association for his death. I mean they go that way anyway. And to make him talk—to find out what he’s like. And I remember him saying, “Don’t ever throw it back in me face, that I’m a fag.” Which | didn’t. But his mother’s still hiding that. But what I hate is the way they’re all attacking Allen. And Brian was a nice guy, but he knew what he was doing, he robbed us. He fucking took all the money and looked after himself and his family, and all that. And it’s just a myth. I hate the way that Allen is attacked and Brian is made like an angel, just cause he’s dead. He wasn't, he was just a guy. Allen will go berserk when he hears all this.

John Lennon, Jann S. Wenner, Lennon Remembers, 1970

Bob had insinuated that me and Brian had had an affair in Spain. And I must have been frightened of the fag in me to get so angry.

John Lennon, 1972, Peter McCabe and Robert D Schonfeld, John Lennon—For The Record, 1984

Brian was in love with me. It's irrelevant. I mean, it's interesting and it will make a nice Hollywood Babylon someday about Brian Epstein’s sex life, but it's irrelevant, absolutely irrelevant.

John Lennon, Playboy, 1980

I was on holiday with Brian Epstein in Spain, where the rumours went around that he and I were having a love affair. Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship. It was my first experience with a homosexual that I was conscious was homosexual. He had admitted it to me. We had this holiday together because Cyn was pregnant, and I went to Spain and there were lots of funny stories. We used to sit in a cafe in Torremolinos looking at all the boys and I’d say, ‘Do you like that one, do you like this one?’ I was rather enjoying the experience, thinking like a writer all the time: I am experiencing this, you know. And while he was out on the tiles one night, or lying asleep with a hangover one afternoon, I remember playing him the song Bad To Me. That was a commissioned song, done for Billy J Kramer, who was another of Brian’s singers.

John Lennon, Rolling Stone, 1980

Very quickly John became jumpy and on edge. He was beginning to feel trapped and it was time for him to escape but before he left he told me that Brian had asked him to go on holiday to Spain with him and he wanted to know if I objected. I must admit the request hit me like a bolt out of the blue and I really didn’t take it in properly at first but when it sank in I suppressed my true feelings and acquiesced. I was well aware that John deserved a holiday. He had just completed a tour and recording sessions. In actual fact he had never really had a holiday as such. They had all been working very hard and under great pressure since the success of Please Please Me, so I concealed my hurt and envy and gave him my blessings. He was delighted and left me a happy man. I on the other hand was left holding the baby, and what a baby. As soon as John returned from his break in Spain, fully relaxed and raring to get going again, we went together to register our son’s birth.

Cynthia Lennon, A Twist Of Lennon, 1978

Some accounts of that time claim that Brian was in love with John, which was why he wanted to manage the Beatles. I don't believe this for a second. They had a good relationship, but Brian cared for all the boys and he wanted success for the group because he thought they had something unique. Claims have been made since that Brian and John had a gay relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. John was a hundred per cent heterosexual and, like most lads at that time, horrified by the idea of homosexuality. The bond between John and Brian was one of mutual respect and friendship. They liked and admired each other. Brian could see John's intelligence and distinctive talent. John appreciated Brian's business ability and his ambition for the group. They talked for hours and planned the group's future together. They both wanted the Beatles to be the biggest thing since Elvis, and were hell bent on making it happen.

When Julian was three weeks old, Brian invited John to go to Spain with him. John asked if I'd mind and I said, truthfully, that I wouldn't. I was preoccupied with Julian and nowhere near ready to travel, but I knew how much John needed a break where he wouldn't be recognised and could really relax. I gave them my blessing and they went off together for twelve days. It was a holiday John came to regret because it sparked off a string of rumours about his relationship with Brian. He had to put up with sly digs, winks and innuendo that he was secretly gay. It infuriated him: all he'd wanted was a break with a friend, but it was turned into so much more.

Cynthia Lennon, John, 2005

Brian and John spent so much time together, scheming and dreaming about the Beatles' future, that they seemed almost inseparable. In April 1963, John went so far as to accompany Brian on a holiday in Spain, leaving Cyn behind with their newborn son. In the absence of this decidedly odd couple, tongues began wagging all over town. I visited John at Aunt Mimi's a few days after his return to England. And when he started in about how much he had enjoyed Spain, I could hardly resist taking the piss out of him. "So you had a good time with Brian, then?" I smirked. Nudge nudge, wink wink. I was somewhat taken aback when John didn't so much as crack a smile. "Oh, fuckin' hell," he groaned. "Not you as well, Pete!" "What do you mean, not me as well?" "They're all fucking going on about it." "It's O.K., John. Don't take it so serious. I'm just joking, for Christ's sake." "Actually Pete," he said softly, "Something did happen with him one night." Now that wiped the grin right off my face. Had I even dreamed there might be any truth what soever to the rumors, I would never have made light of the subject in the first place. Still— as John surely knew— I would have stood by him, and let the rest of the world handle the business of passing moral judgment, even if he had just told me he'd committed murder. And John would surely have done the same for me. Which, after all, is what true friendship is all about. "What happened," John explained, "is that Eppy just kept on and on at me. Until one night I finally just pulled me trousers down and said to him: 'Oh, for Christ's sake, Brian, just stick it up me fucking arse then.' "And he said to me, 'Actually, John, I don't do that kind of thing. That's not what I like to do.' "'Well,' I said, 'what is it you want to do, then?' "And he said, 'I'd really just like to touch you, John.' "And so I let him toss me off." And that was that. End of story. "That's all, John?" I said. "Well, so what? What's the big fucking deal, then?" "Yeah, so fucking what! The poor bastard. He's having a fucking hard enough time anyway." This was in reference to the "butch" dockers who, on several recent occasions, had rewarded Brian's advances by beating him to a bloody pulp. "So what harm did it do, then, Pete, for fuck's sake?" John asked rhetorically. "No harm at all. The poor fucking bastard, he can't help the way he is." "No need to get so worked up," I said. "You know I don't give a shit. What's a fucking wank between friends anyway?" We then moved on to other topics, and neither of us ever mentioned the incident again. (And as far as I was concerned, the real revelation that night was not that John had "had it off" with Brian, but that he had demonstrated— albeit in his own brusque way—such genuine compassion for that most hopelessly besotted of all his many admirers.) Unfortunately, certain Liverpool acquaintances (who had no way of knowing that there was a kernel of truth to their allegations) wouldn't let John hear the end of it. All in good fun, no doubt, but John was still too enamored of his macho self-image to take lightly any inference that he was anything less than 100 percent heterosexual.

Pete Shotton, Nicholas Schaffner, John Lennon: In My Life, 1983

John told me he had had a one-night stand with Brian, on a holiday with him in Spain, when Brian had invited him out, a few days after the birth of Julian in 1963, leaving Cyn alone. I mentioned this brief holiday in the book, but not what John had alleged had taken place. Partly, I didn't really believe it, though John was daft enough to try almost anything once. John was certainly not homosexual, and this boast, or lie, would have given the wrong impression. It was also not fair on Cynthia, his then wife.

Hunter Davies, The Beatles: The Authorised Biography (updated edition, 2010)

Almost three weeks after the birth of his son—whom he had seen only a couple of times by then—he agreed to go to Spain with Brian on a private holiday, while the other three Beatles flew to the Canaries for their spring break. I don’t think John told Cynthia what he was doing—he rarely told her anything—and he certainly wouldn’t have asked her permission. When she found out, she dissolved in tears, but she was scared of John and said nothing. To say we were astonished is an understatement. Much has been made of this trip. It was sun, sand and sea—but was it also sex? John himself said he finally allowed Brian to make love to him “to get it out of the way.” Those who knew John well, who had known him for years, don’t believe it for a moment. John was aggressively heterosexual and had never given a hint that he was anything but. If it had been George, we might have believed it. George could act camp and had many homosexual friends, but John loved to say things to shock, and his sly statement was probably just another in a long line of such provocative statements. In fact, it was more in character for John to taunt Brian with promises during those long hot nights in Barcelona than to succumb. Equally, it was in Brian’s masochistic nature to enjoy being tormented, then perhaps to rush off in search of a young bullfighter. Brian adored bullfighters so much, he ended up sponsoring one. (And I think Brian would have confided in somebody if it had happened.)

Tony Bramwell, Magical Mystery Tours: My Life With The Beatles, 2014

First, he wanted to make Brian the baby’s godfather. Second, he was leaving on holiday as soon as this tour was over. He was going away with Brian—just the two of them. The other Beatles were going to the Canary Islands. This meant John wouldn’t see Cynthia for several weeks, long after she had returned home from the hospital. Cynthia lay back in the hospital bed, her head spinning. How could John go off and leave her and Julian like that, she demanded, and with Brian Epstein no less? John flared up at her. “Being selfish again, aren’t you?” he said. “I’ve been workin’ my bloody ass off on one-night stands for months now. Those people starin’ from the other side of the glass are bloody everywhere, hauntin’ me. I deserve a vacation. And anyway, Brian wants me to go, and I owe it to the poor guy. Who else does he have to go away with?” Brian and John went to Barcelona at the end of April 1963. It was a city that Brian had explored on his 1959 solo trip to Spain. He had since become a great fan of the bullfights and considered himself something of an aficionado. He took great pleasure in introducing John to the pageantry and excitement. They spent the days shopping and taking side trips. At night they toured the nightclubs. Later in the week they rented a car and drove down the coast to the glistening white town of Sitges on the Costa Brava. Each night they would sit in the candlelit cafés and watch the couples stroll by in the moonlight. Over many bottles of wine they talked candidly about Brian’s personal life. It was a great relief for Brian to finally be able to talk honestly with John. He told John that for a man who valued honesty as dearly as he did, it was a terrible burden for him to live his life a lie. “If you had a choice, Eppy,” John said, “if you could press a button and be hetero, would you do it?” Brian thought for a moment. “Strangely, no,” he said. A little later a peculiar game developed. John would point out some passing man to Brian, and Brian would explain to him what it was about the fellow that he found attractive or unattractive. “I was rather enjoying the experience,” John said, “thinking like a writer all the time: I am experiencing this.” And still later, back in their hotel suite, drunk and sleepy from the sweet Spanish wine, Brian and John undressed in silence. “It’s okay, Eppy,” John said, and lay down on his bed. Brian would have liked to have hugged him, but he was afraid. Instead, John lay there, tentative and still, and Brian fulfilled the fantasies he was so sure would bring him contentment, only to awake the next morning as hollow as before.

Peter Brown, The Love You Make, 1983 can't wait for the full fic on ao3 peter!

One story the Press certainly didn’t get at the time was that in April, in the middle of the euphoria that followed all the early success and acclaim, Brian and John went off to Spain for a holiday. So much invention and rubbish has been made of this trip by so many people since, that the truth deserves at least a brief mention. The most sensational version, of course, is that the holiday was a chance for Brian to consummate his overwhelming passion for John, which inspired him to sign the group in the first place. I’m afraid it wasn’t like that. John roared with laughter at the rumours that began afterwards. Typically, he encouraged the stories that he and Brian were gay lovers because he thought it was funny and John was one of the world’s great wind-up merchants. He told me afterwards in one of our frankest heart-to-hearts that Brian never seriously did proposition him. He had teased Brian about the young men he kept gazing at and the odd ones who had found their way to his room. Brian had joked to John about the women who hurled themselves at him. ‘If he’d asked me, I probably would have done anything he wanted. I was so much in awe of Brian then I’d have tried a night of vice-versa. But he never wanted me like that. Sure, I took the mickey a bit and pretended to lead him on. But we both knew we were joking. He wanted a pal he could have a laugh with and someone he could teach about life. I thought his bum boys were creeps and Brian knew that. Even completely out of my head, I couldn’t shag a bloke. And I certainly couldn’t lie there and let one shag me. Even a nice guy like Brian. To be honest, the thought of it turns me over.’ All the same, John was very selfish to have gone off on holiday with Brian then because it was just after Cynthia had given birth to his son Julian. John’s whole romance and marriage to Cynthia was kept a secret at the time because Brian feared the effect of publicity about one of the Beatles having a wife, let alone a family.

Alistair Taylor, With The Beatles, 2003

While Brian thought a Beatle’s image could be affected by marriage and fatherhood, his next move proved wildly indiscreet and potentially dangerous. On April 8, 1963, Cynthia gave birth to Julian, and Brian was named his godfather. Shortly afterward, Brian invited John to join him alone on a holiday in Spain. Lennon had been working hard, writing songs and touring Britain. He needed a rest, and Cynthia relished some time alone to adapt to life with a baby. John accepted and flew to Barcelona on April 28 for the twelve-day break. John made it clear to everyone that he was a woman-chaser, a hundred percent heterosexual. But it was inept of Epstein to risk the whispering that was bound to ensue from such an expedition by a manager and a solitary Beatle. It was one of the few times when Brian’s perception of public opinion faltered, for the Spanish trip fueled rumors in Liverpool of an Epstein-Lennon relationship. Paul McCartney’s theory is that “John, not being stupid, saw his opportunity to impress upon Mr. Epstein who was the boss of this group … he wanted Brian to know who he should listen to.” Lennon knew that Brian held him in awe, regarding him as a genius. On their return to Liverpool, Brian and John decided to deal with the gossip decisively. At McCartney’s twenty-first birthday party on June 18, Bob Wooler and Lennon were seen chatting together and within minutes the Beatle had pummeled the Cavern compere to the ground. “He called me a bloody queer, so I bashed his ribs in,” John later told Cynthia. Epstein, no less angry but sensing the need for repairing all wounds, physical and oral, drove Wooler to hospital for treatment of torn knuckles and for shock. Next, Epstein moved swiftly to prevent the friction from escalating. Through his solicitor friend Rex Makin he paid Wooler £200 in damages and insisted that Lennon sent him a telegram of apology. The rumors were quelled. But nothing could prevent the attack on Wooler from reaching the Daily Mirror, whose pop reporter Don Short, in a first recognition of the group’s burgeoning importance, published a back-page story headlined: “Beatle in Brawl Says: Sorry I Socked You.” Since the deaths of Epstein and Lennon, many with no access to, or observation of, both men in their lifetime have peddled the assumption that Brian and John had a sexual liaison. This is despite the lack of any evidence, despite firm declarations of John’s heterosexuality from Cynthia and many other women, and despite the statement by McCartney that he “slept in a million hotel rooms, as we all did, with John and there was never any hint that he was gay.” Brian possibly had a homosexual fascination for Lennon but it could never be reciprocated. And since Epstein was not a predator, that eliminated the likelihood of such a link. More than anyone, Epstein saw the Beatles as an indivisible unit. He would never have risked so profoundly changing his relationship with them, individually or collectively. Nothing mattered more to Brian, after his devotion to his family, than the entity of the Beatles.

Ray Coleman, The Man Who Made The Beatles, 1989

Years later, John finally came clean about what had happened: not to anyone who’d been around at the time, but to the unshockable woman with whom he shared the last decade of his life. He said that one night during the trip, Brian had cast aside shyness and scruples and finally come on to him, but that he’d replied, “If you feel like that, go out and find a hustler.” Afterward, he had deliberately fed Pete Shotton the myth of his brief surrender, so that everyone would believe his power over Brian to be absolute.

Norman Philip, John Lennon: The Life, 2008

I don’t actually know the truth of the John rumour. I suspected that the John trip to Barcelona was a power play on John’s part because John was a very political animal. I think John went away on that Spanish holiday because nobody went on holiday. I would have gone, anyone would have gone. A free holiday? You’re kidding. I’m there. Number two, I’m sure John took Brian aside and said, ‘Hey, you want to deal with this group, I’m the guy you deal with, OK.’ John was that kind of guy. He was a very sensible, very pragmatic guy. So I’m sure that was the main reason John went there. As to whether there was any sort of gay dalliance or whatever, I don’t know. All I can ever say about it is that I slept with John a lot because you had to, you didn’t have more than one bed – and to my knowledge John was never gay.

Paul McCartney, Debbie Geller, In My Life: The Brian Epstein Story, 2000

Brian Epstein was going on holiday to Spain at the same time and he invited John along. John was a smart cookie. Brian was gay, and John saw his opportunity to impress upon Mr Epstein who was the boss of this group. | think that's why he went on holiday with Brian. And good luck to him, too — he was that kind of guy; he wanted Brian to know whom he should listen to. That was the relationship. John was very much the leader in that way, although it was never actually said. So there was the homosexual thing — I'm not sure John did anything but we certainly gave him a lot of grief when he got back.

Paul McCartney, The Beatles Anthology, 2000

My sense of the trip to Barcelona is that it was an intriguing situation because John left his wife to go on this holiday, who was still in hospital having given birth to her first child. So it was an extraordinary thing, but John wanted to go on holiday with Brian and there was a great bond between them. John knew that Brian was going and he also knew that Brian was very attracted to him and I think this intrigued John. My understanding only comes from Brian. I never discussed this with John but I heard that there were lots of discussions about the business of homosexuality and Brian’s homosexuality. But I think it’s wrong to discuss something which is really rather significant when I only know one side of the picture.

Peter Brown, Debbie Geller, In My Life: The Brian Epstein Story, 2000

It had nothing to do with advancement of career. John knew that he already had Brian as an ally; he knew that Brian liked him, was attracted to him and stimulated by his intellect. Anyway, I don’t believe John was that manipulative. And the idea of going along with it, and trying to take advantage of it, just wouldn’t have been Brian’s way.

Peter Brown, Norman Philip, John Lennon: The Life, 2008

It was during the same discussion that he told me that he and John Lennon had been lovers. Now that’s too much for me to take on. We’d never talked about his personal life before, so I left the room.

Lonnie Trimble, Debbie Geller, In My Life: The Brian Epstein Story, 2000

[katherinearandez]

I don’t think Tessa is one of the good guys

I have a lot of questions about Tessa. What are her goals? Is she really on copper 9 for the reasons she told us in episode 6? Does she have hidden motives, and if so, what are they???

The lines of “morality” in this show are super squiggly, so by “good guy”, I mean an individual with positive or helpful intent toward the main characters - in this case, drones. The concept of Tessa bearing ill-intent for drones as a ‘species’ seemed contradictory at first: after all, she’s so nice to N, V and J, right? We’re talking about someone who, as a kid, saved zombie drones from the dump(cough, mass grave, cough) where their human owners left them to rot after creating them by means of improper disposal. Why would she want to kill drones? Especially in the same callous, procedurally improper ways that created the threat of Cyn to start out with?

Well…

Let’s not forget about the evil AI that massacred her family and the guests of their gala. AFTER Tessa took her in as an act of kindness, against her parents wishes. Parents who did seem to look down on her pretty severely, regularly chained her up in her room as punishment(you don’t install heavy duty, floor anchored chains for the occasional time out) and possibly kept her socially isolated???

That last point is pretty speculative, since a lot about the earth of N’s flashbacks screams post-apocalyptic vibes. Maybe there just aren’t a lot of humans left for Tessa to socialize with. Tessa’s dad reinforces this idea in his speech by listing “currently being alive” as an attribute the Elliots are known for. It could just as well be a meta joke(since they are killed in the next few seconds), so lacking more context, I hesitate to extrapolate from this point alone.

Anywho, back to Tessa’s callous drone murder. Even if her parents were crappy by the usual standards, she clearly didn’t want them/the other gala guests to die. She tried to save them by “murdering her a robo-child”. Idk, does this blacked out redacted image of Tessa in the aftermath of the massacre seem upset??

Reasonable assumption. So adult/older teen Tessa has changed the way she feels about drones after these traumatic events. Maybe she doesn’t outright hate them, but she views them from a colder, more pragmatic angle than she did in her younger years. Does she still feel empathy for them and the horrible mistreatment they suffer at the hands of humans? Probably. But she’s now aware of the danger they truly pose and has good reason to eliminate them to ensure the absolute solver mutation no longer has a pool of hosts in which to spread and evolve.

So why the callous drone murder at the end of episode 3? We know you’re supposed to follow a 2 step procedure for decommissioning drones. Software death via lethal injection of a kill program(sounds fun!), followed by hardware death via “core removal” to ensure the decommissioned drone doesn’t reboot with corrupted software and an “increased chance for future errors”.

Did she hastily kill this random drone to keep her arrival on copper 9 secret, foregoing procedure for the sake of urgency? If so, who is she keeping her presence secret from? Is it the remaining drone population of copper 9, who Cyn used to collapse the planet core and kill all humans there? Possibly, Uzi is a prime example of anti-human sentiment, and during Mr Doorman’s parent-teacher conference he mentioned being on a “kill all humans kick when he was her age”. Perhaps Tessa assumes all the c9 worker drones are hostile to humans.

When you start making assumptions about what characters are assuming, it’s generally a good time to stop and just accept you don’t have the answers 🫠 so that’s where I will cut that line of questioning short. That being said, I’m not quite done yet…

What’s with this shelf of small human skulls in Tessa’s room? Why are the trash robots she “rescues” her only friends? Do her parents chain her up in her room because they suck? Or… do they have reasons not yet revealed to us, the audience?

Tessa’s perception among most of the fan base is fairly positive and on the surface there’s good reason for this. She’s presented as peppy, compassionate(except toward that one worker drone, lmao), ~tenacious~ and resilient. Actions like salvaging drones from the dump and perceived displays of affection and warmth for the disassembly drones leave viewers with the impression that she’s a good, kind person.

There is, however, another light in which to view her actions, and it casts a shadow on the motives we may have assumed were pure up to this point.

While it’s easy to parse Tessa saving drones from the dump as an act of altruism, it can also be interpreted as sinister. It could be an example of a character with a savior complex; a power dynamic wherein the “savior” exerts control over those they “rescue” by taking advantage of their gratitude and using it in manipulative ways. If this is the case, Tessa’s motives take a sharp left turn, flipping from selfless and kind to egotistical and controlling.

The show actually gives us direct evidence of Tessa using manipulation to get her drones to do her bidding.

“It wants paid time off…”

This instance of her using corporate buzzwords to drive J into a rage strong enough for her to bite through metal chains. Or how about her outright lying to the drones at the start of episode 6? Asserting that her intention was to “burn to the ground” labs Cyn was interested in, while later that same episode revealing to N that her “true” purpose was to obtain a list of drones infected with the absolute solver?

Preeetty manipulative. She manipulated and/or coerced Doll as well, in order to obtain the keybug. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if come episode 7, she switches it up yet again, revealing a new manipulation or perhaps, finally, her real mission.

Tessa’s manipulation of the drones she supposedly cares about isn’t the only hint that she might have a savior complex or similar egocentric tendencies. She’s also shown that she’s not very respectful of the drones autonomy, another red flag that can signal a propensity for narcissism and the controlling behaviors associated with it.

N is the example this time.

Tessa’s signature greeting for N, which is to grab his face and swing him around with excitement that borders on aggression. Maybe it’s just me, but his expression doesn’t suggest it’s mutually enjoyed. Looks more to me like he’s uncomfortable and only humoring her pep because he feels like he has no choice… after all, none of Tessa’s “dumpster pets” want to let down their saving grace.

We see this same kind of contact again throughout episode 6, with Tessa grabbing N’s face as a greeting again, and also playing with his hair on the way down to cabin fever labs. The way Tessa interacts with the drones(J and V as well as N) shows that she sees them as objects in her possession, rather than friends, peers or their own individuals with unique thoughts, wants and feelings.

Uzi even calls her out on this very mindset at the end of episode 6 after Tessa asks her sardonically to “don’t date my robot, please.”

Granted, I’ve got no solid backing, just observation, speculation and a suspicious mind. Tessa could be a great person… “good” or “bad” though, she’ll definitely try to kill our main character sometime soon, so… yup. Killing even an anti-hero typically slots you into the bad guy category, even in a show where the moral lines between good and evil are so artfully blurred.

TLDR; I think there’s more to Tessa than meets the eye, and even though Cyn is still probably Murder Drones “big bad”, I feel like Tessa has an element of villainy to her that I hope will be further explored in canon.

[bluginkgo]

Episode 7 Teaser is out and it gave me too many crack theories

Well, after finally getting my head wrapped around the entire teaser- which took literal hours to process how amazing it all looked- I think I finally found the ability to put it into words.

Spoilers, duh and uh lots of words, so sorry

This'll be somewhat frame by frame crack down as well as crack theories that came to me while spending time looking at the red images too long that gave me a headache - anyways

As many have mentioned this before, V's corpse is gone, and only a sentinel's tail remains on the ground to the right. Although I wish to believe that V made it out alive, that hope is quickly dwindling. Although there is a small possibility that V somehow won the fight (perhaps with outside help such as J) and dragged herself away (based off of the splatter on the ground) I more so think that she turned into an eldritch V. That or perhaps has been mauled by the sentinels, and the body was dragged off. Although, I can not wait for Liam to prove me wrong about this theory (I hope he proves me wrong, cause I miss V ;w;)

The ground looking hall seems to be where the gang will enter right after exiting the elevator. Alongside this, it seems that the moment with N is also here (based on the background). Now, as for the look that N gives. It goes from worried and slightly scared to harsh concern (in my opinion, feel free to take that thought and yeet it as far as you wish ^_^). Something made him worry in a way that also slightly flared his anger. Two theories:

He saw something ahead of them, and this is the more likely possibility, because that tunnel gives way to the cave that N seems to have been dragged into from the teaser from November.

2. Uzi might have said something that made him more concerned. There is a figure that moves behind N, but it is very hard to see as to who it is- my guess it's Tessa, making Uzi the only candidate to possibly to walk in front of them.

Then we get to see this hole.

Possibility (also a bit wacky and highly unlikely): The entity will finally be revealed, that is, the center of the absolute solver. Something I noticed with the design of the absolute solver is that we get to see its limbs, but never the main body. It is always hiding somewhere, be it in the ceiling or the walls. Of course, there are also the eldritch forms we saw of Cyn, but in my opinion, it feels more like another limb. Now, with J's huge form, I'm a little more inclined to believe that's what it looks like as the main body. Holo spooky snake crab like.

Not to be dramatic, but... Core collapse, which made me chuckle. Because despite all hell breaking loose in these last couple episodes, Murder Drones still manages to sneak in tiny jokes like this. Oh, and I can't forget the dog too! XD

Something I still cannot grasp my head around is what is going on with the environment around the cathedral?? It's raining, but it's in a cave- ok can be sorta explained that it acts like a stalactite... but then what is going on with the vortex around the building? My current theory: uhhh... robo-satan, that is all.

A lot of scenes with humans and in a clear view (i.e. not like a video tape). This might suggest a flashback as many have already mentioned it. However, who, how, and why is there a flashback? Well, there is one crack theory I came up with. This is what Uzi is seeing. She is an absolute solver host, and it has been seen on multiple occasions that absolute solver has a hivemind, so it can easily show its hosts whatever memories its previous hosts had.

These next scenes I believe to be in the progression as shown.

@/haastera (don't want to bother them with a tag) also pointed this out, that these scenes may be back to back, based off of the lamp that is off to Uzi's left. However, what the heck would cause Uzi to snap like she did in ep4?

Uzi saw something in the tape that made her upset, the possibility of N killing Nori. Cons in that theory: N killed Nori post core collapse, and there would not be any evidence of it.

The tape had something that was similar to zombie drones tape that was marked "Don't show this to drones, they will not like it." Something in the tape may have forced boot the solver string in Uzi, and she was powerless to stop it. Cons: @bloodywolfwings mentioned to me that the reflection in Uzi's visor seems to be a door instead of a screen. So there's also the 50% chance that these two scenes are not even related.

MA'AM YOU PUT THAT SWORD AWAY, UZI HAS IT BAD ENOUGH MA'AM- in all seriousness, this is a 50/50 shot once again. Maybe Tessa is attempting to get rid of Uzi while N is gone. The opposite end of that is Tessa is attempting to help Uzi, perhaps an enemy that Uzi did not sense behind her.

These two scenes are related, I believe- the claw is hard to see behind the cross, but it is there, and not to mention that Dr. Chambers is wearing a camera on his head. However, there's more to it after I stared at it for a while. The absolute solver claw appears to be burning and glitching, this is only seen with DDs and solver drones when they are exposed to the sun. Perhaps the humans were slowly getting better at controlling the absolute solver, with some sort of power equivalent to the sun. But in the end, their efforts were useless, seeing as Nori still destroyed everything there.

We have seen these two scenes already, so not much to dissect here. Just NUzi being NUzi :3 while all hell breaks loose

This scene had me so confused at first.

I could not figure out what was going on with the cars. Cars are outside, our gang is in a cathedral, what happened- That's it. This is outside. And as many have already mentioned this, there are drones in the background so far identified as Lizzy and perhaps Thad. (I say perhaps Thad because my dumb brain won't let go of the idea that the drone on the left is Khan. Look, my brain said 'I think I see a mustache' and now I can't unsee it.) Either way, this is outside and the gravity has decided to take a break (as RedMage put it in the nuzi discord server). It seems that the gang will do something, or something drastic will happen (perhaps a second core collapse) that will cause the gravity of copper-9 to become unstable. So maybe the episode will end with the possibility that copper-9 is about to collapse like Earth did, as the gang tries to stop that event from happening.

Ahem, allow me a second of: FERAL N FERAL N FERAL N FERAL N- ok, I'm done for now. As many have pointed out, this may be the moment that N killed Nori, and Uzi might have to relive through that experience as the absolute solver shows Uzi everything that has happened up until now. His smile is not the one we've seen up until now when he's in his murder drone mode, but more of a smirk. Another theory I came up with is that when Uzi becomes possessed by the absolute solver, perhaps by default, N does too. Uzi is now N's admin, and if the admin is corrupted, there is nothing to keep N's solver string in his ai from fully corrupting him. However, there's a hole here.

The X on the visor generally means that there is a string in the drone's core is faulty and not functioning. This is because when the solver string attempts to take possession of the DDs, the admin program switches it to false and gives the faulty os string sign on the visors. That has to mean the admin program is still up and running, which pushes the theory of this scene being a flashback of N killing Nori, more likely.

Uzi's eye has burst, it seems, just like Yeva's. So now the question is, why does it do that? Doll also covered her eye, perhaps to conceal the damage that is already there. Theory: this happens because the solver inside of the drones is constantly attempting to get out of the host. It has been seen that it does destroy the bodies from ep5. And it seems that the red goop is what Uzi's attempting to hold back on her eye. It might be oil, but what makes me believe otherwise is the fact that it doesn't look liquid-like enough. Granted, that scene is literally 1 second, so the movement that may be there is really hard to grasp.

Doll HAS MADE A RETURN! And she's fighting someone with knives is what it seems like. Thoughts on who it might be? Literally, anyone in the gang, there is not much to go off of here. But to dissect it further, it could be like this:

Uzi- because she teamed up with Tessa and a DD, and it seems like Doll and the gang have separate goals, which upsets Doll and causes the fight.

N- another DD that had caused a lot of pain and suffering for WD when they first arrived to copper-9. So why not get rid of him as well while she's at it.

Tessa- the main character that seems to be very suspicious about every action. We know very little about her, and even more so what happened to her post gala massacre. Perhaps Tessa discloses the idea of killing every drone that is on the list of the drones experimented on. This will include Yeva and, therefore, Doll.

Now as for THIS.

That is a drone, for certain, now as to who it is, is really hard to guess. There is clearly a helmet on the drone, so it kinda narrows it down. Routes:

This is part of a flashback:

Nori or Yeva- one of the stronger solver drones that needed a better way of controlling/containing them. Backed up by the balconies/cat walks that are on the corners of the screen.

Some other poor drones- An even crazier idea of mine would be that the people were, in fact, worshipping the absolute solver. This is what happens to the heretics. Either that, or this was some sick way of worshipping the solver.

This is real-life time: Doll is the number 1 candidate, how she got to be like this, though... there are some possibilities.

Doll's solver form is taking control/form.

Uzi and Doll had a fight (consciously or not, solver might have forced a fight), with this being the outcome.

It's late for me. The amount of crack theories that have been bouncing around in my head is unreal. More than half of them are probably most likely wrong. Once again, take all of my theories and yeet them into the stratosphere if you wish ^_^ These will be mostly here just to come back to and see how wrong I was about everything.

[zer0-devoox]

My opinion of the ending of Murder Drones (which no one asked for but screw you)

Ugh... Okay, I've been putting off this post for a while, but here it is. I've heard many mixed opinions, "that it was a rushed ending" "that it was the best ending of the animation" and blah blah, well, this is my opinion.

It was... An ending.

X: Lmao, of course it was an ending girl, explain yourself

What I want to say is that we need to put ourselves in context a little, look people. Reality is what it is, Murder drones it was. A. Experiment. Those at Glich told Liam that they will develop the story in eight chapters to see how the project fares, and in the first chapters it looked as if they had a second season planned, only then the amazing digital circus arrived and even though it hurts...

AND NOT! I don't want to say that it's THADC's fault, much less @gooseworx I'm a follower of that series, I love the concept and I wish both series could have forty seasons as far as I'm concerned, but unfortunately, we're not Netflix, we're not Disney ( Thank God)

There were good parts and bad parts, scenes that I loved like N and Uzi formalizing their relationship in some strange way (although I wanted a kiss) and also really scary scenes, like Cyn giving Tessa's voice, and without going any further I am traumatized with a incoming call.

---Were there things to improve/that I didn't like?

Of course yes, for example the climax, yes, yes, I see people saying that Cyn was nerfed but that we are going to make the difficulty of creating such powerful characters, I guess.

One thing that bothered me was the treatment of other characters other than N or Uzi, for example Khan, Nori, or any other sequence, the one that annoys me the most, Lizzy, who is not a character I like, in fact I hate her, but at the very least he could have received SOME consequence for his actions, someone will come out and say that he had his development in the dance chapter, but I don't see it that way, I don't know, say you.

O thad who is top best characters and I love him

--DON'T MAKE ME TALK ABOUT J PLIS---

And what hurts me the most... V

What? Did you think I wasn't even going to talk about her? Well you're wrong!

I feel like the series struggled a lot to develop N and Uzi individually while also developing their relationship, but speaking of V... His development fell short.

I don't want to go on for too long (if you want a deeper analysis of the character, tell me and I'll do it) V had a very serious change from his personality in the mansion to the beginning of everything that happened in Cooper 9, becoming someone more sadistic and aggressive Since murder was her "job" in chapter eight we found out that she knew that Tessa was Cyn, but she was under changate (practically she and N each had a rifle in their heads, for God's sake)

The first time I saw the scene where V tearfully confesses everything to N, it broke me, I admit. But in retrospect, I feel like it wasn't enough. It was good to show the sensitive side of V that we were seeing through the impenetrable diva mask, but she herself tells Cyn that she "still can" which doesn't convince me.

I loved chapter six, it's simply one of my favorites, because with all the reasons to leave Uzi where Alice had them, he chose to save her.

Damn!

He defended her to tooth and nail, he seemed like a beast with -Tessa- and with N, he literally didn't want anyone to touch Uzi because she was hurt, without going any further

his damn last words were for her!

I loved that scene because literally and symbolically V took a step forward to break the block of ice that the two of they had placed in front of each other since chapter two, this is when V first calls her by her name, not cyn, not purple thing, not parasite... Uzi, just that.

And it bothers me that this was completely ignored in chapter eight (I mean, not completely but it was not given the value it deserved) From the bottom of my heart I would have wanted V to apologize to Uzi for everything he had done, for Uzi to somehow thank her and also apologize (because Uzi also almost killed her)

I know that neither of the two characters are the most emotional thing in the world, but I only ask for three dialogues, not a kiss and an emotional thirty-minute speech (which wouldn't have been bad either)

And spoken of the devil... The time

raised the hand who imagined that chapter eight would last (minimum) an hour. Because im yes, I feel that the ending was rushed, don't get me wrong, the final fight was beautiful, with framing shots and very very epic with the background theme. But, I don't know. I think that another ten minutes just to complete the developments, explain the unresolved doubts and give seriousness to some things was worth it (*cough, cough* Doll)

Anyway, this post already seems like a Twitter statement...

I love murder drones.

there isn't a joke that doesn't make me laugh or an emotional scene that doesn't make me cry, I wish with all my might for a second season of this series so much. potential, but it is what it is.

Anyway, I have a little faith in a spin-off or a continuation in some way because of the fucking open ending, nothing and no one is going to stop me from continuing to love these schizophrenic robots, or from continuing to ship my weird ships, far from it. to play eternal dreams at the faculty parties.

Leave your opinions in the comments or reblogs, I'll be reading them! And if you want V's analysis, say so! maybe we could reach 200 notes?? Who knows? Bey-bey devils don't get lost.

[watercat678]

I know a lot of people probably think Cyn and the AS are different, but here’s my two cents on this.

i also used to believe that but now I dont, or at least I dont believe AS is in control.

Mainly because the version of Cyn we constantly see is the only one we’ve ever seen, and before you bring up her at the start of 5, I’ll get to that as well.

The only time its said AS and Cyn are different comes from “Tessa” who is already unreliable due to her being Cyn.

If someone else, like Nori, said they were different then I would believe it, but I dont. Before you go and use the credits as an excuse, keep in mind even in episodes where they call it the solver, the characters refer to her as Cyn, and Im more inclined to use their idea.

now lets talk about AS, AS is just a program, simple as that. A mutated and dangerous program but a program nonetheless. AS helps Cyn at the beginning of 5 with some interesting dialogue.

However, the way it says this implies to me its just stating what it has observed that Cyn went through after being killed by the Elliots (presumedly). Because Cyn passes the percentage check for a mutation and reviving (a zombie drone can occur without a mutation, N V and J are evidence of this), it means she now has access to AS, and because AS is just a program, it gives her a choice.

However, Cyn doesnt know that she’ll likely revive anyways even if she said no, so she probably chose yes out of desperation. Because of this, AS gives her its powers, and Cyn quickly becomes adapt at using the solver and begins to get horrible ideas in her head based on the way the humans treated her.

Cyn can feel emotions, but in a slightly different way from normals drones/humans. For ex. Cyn does care about N, but more so as a toy it can use for her amusement, beyond that Cyn probably does not see N as a person, and will kill anyone who tries to take her toy and get to close to it, (Tessa, V, Uzi).

However, despite the solver being a program, it can still do things, even go so far as to take control of a DD when Cyn is busy playing “dress up”. We now come to EJ.

The solver follows any order given to it by Cyn, plus, since the DDs have a downgraded version of the solver, The Solver will attempt to repair the hosts under the orders of the dominant host (Cyn). Basically, EJ is what the solver would be like if it was actually in control and it wasn’t Cyn, which also explains why it refers to themself as though there is many of it.

You can choose to not believe me, but I’ve been seeing a lot of the whole Cyn being in Uzi’s tail means N is dating his sister, or people who just want to believe Cyn is innocent and I just wanted to provide an explanation. N would still not be dating Cyn though, because

N and Cyn arent related

Only Cyn called N a brother, but she never actually viewed him as one.

Plus, if Cyn and the AS are different, that would mean Cyn never had a character and basically wouldn’t exist, and theres no fun in that.

[bigtittiecomitte]

What are your thoughts on this video?? This was recommend to me and I watched it and I didn't really care for it..maybe it's just me but it feels like this person seems more salty about V not getting together with N instead of giving actually criticisms of why he didn't like the finale, in fact I've seen most people act act this way when it comes to the finale..it's been mixed since it released and more people have lately been finding reasons to find Nuzi *Problematic* and a bad ship with saying the whole N is dating is "sister" (Cyn) because of Uzi and the solver being in one together in the same body even though that's NOT the case!! Idk, part of the reasons I was never able to fully ship Envy was because of some of the toxic fans and V fans and how they treated Uzi as a character..even after the finale Uzi is still getting undeserved mistreatment and hate and it's truly unfortunate. People need to see and realize that although Nuzi is canon people are still allowed to ship whatever they want canon or not, and just because Nuzi is canon doesn't mean anybody can be a dick and jackass. People also shouldn't be sending threats to Liam and Glitch because of the finale, yes the finale was flawed but that doesn't make it okay to to doxx or hass the studio or creator, MD is Liam's show and he should allowed to do whatever he wants with this show, I've said this in my own post but I think many in this fandom truly took this show for granted and didn't really deserve it..although I'm grateful for Murder Drones and will forever cherish it as it's my comfort show, this fandom is truly a mess and I know that's all fandoms..but the MD community is just so toxic and I wished it was a much better and healthier fanbase. :(

https://youtu.be/mQ5xnKYHGoc?si=6bSwQpiPV10beX-b

I saw the video and holy fuck Media Literacy is DEAD

I’m all for hearing people’s opinions but it really does piss me off when people just start saying crap without properly understanding the characters they’re talking about

For anybody not wanting to check out the video, basically the guy is saying that N and V should’ve gotten together and N and Uzi should’ve just stayed friends or even have a “sibling dynamic” (pretty much stuff we’ve already heard before lol). The issue is that if you have been watching the show with your two eyes you would know that N and V getting together in the end would actually be WORSE for N and V

N and V’s relationship is very catered to the past, present and future. In the past, N and V had a thing for each other in the manor (maybe even dated) then we have the present where N and V are now genocidal robots with the intent of killing worker drones for oil. N still has a crush on V prior to meeting Uzi while V tries to protect her and N by continuing on their path of death due to her trauma of Cyn and everything that happened in the manor, she tries pretending to forget his name and hides secrets from him, which makes him upset and lash out on her. Then we cut to the future, N and V are now friends and living in the bunker with the rest of the worker drones, they’re healing but they’re doing alright now that there’s finally no hiding secrets from one another

The problem with a lot of people complaining that Envy should have been canon instead is the fact that their entire relationship throughout Murder Drones is all about moving on and the fact that not all romantic relationships end with them being happy together. N and V could never have what they had in the manor again because not only have they moved on from each other but they’re also building up their platonic relationship brick by brick. N and V were never proper friends and never got the chance to rekindle until Uzi came along, which another thing I want to talk about

I see so many people hating on Uzi for being the reason as to why N and V didn’t become endgame but if it wasn’t for Uzi. N and V would’ve never ended up where they are today like if they never met Uzi then they would just end up killing all the worker drones and dying after all the oil is gone, N and V wouldn’t even get to rekindle their relationship because it would be stuck to how it was before Uzi came along. The reason as to why Nuzi became endgame and not Envy wasn’t because Liam favoured one ship than the other but because N and Uzi were actually communicating. They were friends and understood each other’s trauma and feelings, which is what made them work. N and V didn’t have that until N lashed out on her and she got her character growth

The only part I can somewhat agree with is that we should have seen V apologise to the real N (she did apologise but it was to a fake N instead) but I’m at least happy that real N was there to know that she was being sincere with her words. They’re all traumatised characters, none of them deserved what they went through

He says that Uzi should’ve stopped having a crush on N which leads to N and V getting together and I just full on stopped the video because how are you seeing the interactions between N and Uzi and thinking that Uzi should have just stopped having a crush on him when N’s feelings for her were also the same, them not being canon would have actually made no sense because of all the moments we had got of them, hell even them implied to be dating in Episode 7 lol. N and V getting together in the end would have been way more rushed than the ship of what some envy shippers actually claim to be rushed

Not only that but him calling V “jealous” of N and Uzi being in love because apparently that’s what she wanted with N, like hell did V tell you that? She’s happy for them even if she doesn’t look like it (I mean I don’t like seeing couples in public either lol)

Nuzi being canon doesn’t mean you have to stop shipping other ships that you find better and it’s totally ok to be disappointed that Envy wasn’t the main ship. But it doesn’t give people the right to just make fake screenshots of Liam’s twitter and blaming Nuzi shippers for the reason as to why Nuzi became canon (apparently we all did a meeting and pay for Nuzi to be canon lmao). Remember that fanfiction and fanart exist my dudes, support your local AU’s too

Basically Envy is a very tragic ship and it was always written that way and guys please stop mischaracterising V it hurts

[yoursweetestnightmarelover]

More Cyn X Tessa

Tessa: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out! Cyn: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way? Tessa: I don't know, surprise me!

Cyn: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time? Tessa: AS ENEMIES?! Cyn:...

Tessa: Are you sure Cyn's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

Cyn hanging above her like a bat watching her:...

V: Call it a hunch

Cyn: So you like cats? Tessa: Yeah. Cyn: tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table

Tessa: Being gay is a constant battle between “I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds” and “Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists” and I think that's very beautiful of us. Cyn looking at Louisa and James: If the window's open, and you time it right, you can do both.

Cyn: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

Surprise Juzi

Uzi: Fight me! J: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring J: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

And some Vuzi

V: Ugh, crushes are so dumb. Uzi: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid. V: But you’re always acting stupid? Uzi: … Uzi: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

V: You need a hobby. J: I have a hobby! V: Fawning over Tessa isn’t a hobby.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming

Tessa, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my top? V: Cyn's in the kitchen.

Cyn: Are you ready to commit? Tessa: Like, a crime or a relationship? Cyn looking at the gala: Both?

Cyn bursting into the gala with Tessa in her arms: We’re getting married, bitches! Tessa: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Cyn: Tessa, you love me, right? Tessa: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Tessa: Goodbye mom I'm finally 18 I can go to copper 9 my new life starts now!!! I can't wait to get a boyfriend get a dream job and live a perfectly normal life! Tessa like five months later: Hi mom! I would like you to meet my wife, Cyn! She's a mutated AI machine goddess! And this is one of my best buds who dresses up as a hot topic employee and beats people up! Uzi in the background: I'm not your buddy, you monster fucker. Tessa: also I'm wanted in 22 galaxies lol.

[thedoodlenoodle14]

Ok sooo...a cool person ( @regretfullyrave ), convinced me to create a post about a few of my OCs for my future murder drones AU called "It lives on Ebony 8" and welll.....here it is! XD

I'll also first say that my AU takes place on a completely different Exoplanet called Ebony 8 (which instead of being ice and snow is mostly just forest and rivers, no oceans tho, unfortunately), but still used to be inhabited by humans before the disassembly drones attacked 😅

But, here's a list of my MD OCs! :3 or at least, the OC's I think are most important XD

1. Xane- Grumpy boi Xane! XD Before he was sent to earth, he, as well as two other disassembly drone ocs, Beta and Green, had a virus implanted within them which became known as "The Dark Matter infection" (which sort of gave Cyn an easy access to, not take them as hosts, but use them as puppets instead). Although Xane loves to fight, he hates to fight when controlled by Cyn and wishes to find a cure.

Other than that, Xane may seem pretty threatening, but deep down he's a big softie (he won't admit it tho XD)

2. Eric- Eric is my worker drone oc, and possibly the main character of my AU 👀 his parents once studied the disassembly drones and the The Dark Matter infection and after their death, Eric continued their work, but also befriended Xane and helps to find a cure for him.

Eric is smart, but not a very good fighter XD but he's kind and willing to give second chances. He finds disassembly drones way more fascinating than scary too lol

3. Green - (creative name, I know TvT) Just like Xane, Green also has the Dark Matter infection. When she landed on Ebony 8, she took a lot of damage. Her weapon system was damaged beyond repair, leaving her somewhat defenceless. However, without her weapon system, she couldn't easily overheat, meaning she didn't have a need to kill worker drones for oil. She actually ended up befriending a worker drone colony and becoming sort of a protector of them. Green is pretty chill and laid back tho and not overly dramatic like Xane XD

4. Beta - Once again, he has the Dark Matter infection too 😅 he's still a character I'm developing, but from what I can say, he's a pretty jumpy and paranoid dude and always nervous. And his best friend is a cat called Milo! :3 (Beta is a major cat person XD)

(I don't have an updated design for him yet 😅)

5. M - M is the leader of one of the disassembly drone squads (Xane's ex-squad too). She...uh...also killed Eric's parents...heh....😅 M is also kind of in love with Xane (despite Xane not feeling the same way at all XD), but M is pretty much a psychopath. However, I do want to continue developing her and perhaps giving her some motivations to her actions. Like...I know M is pretty evil...but I do believe she might be capable of change somehow.....just gotta keep developing her character 😅

(I also don't have an image for her yet XD)

6. Cortex - one of my newer Ocs, who was originally a worker drone, but I changed him to a disassembly drone instead XD He's M's twin brother, but I haven't developed a solid backstory or personality for this character yet. All I can say I that...he's not at crazy as M 😅 I'm still also trying to decide whether he would be a villain or not, but I have been thinking of giving him a similar role to J in some way.

As an added bonus, here's a little concept of Cortex when he was still a worker drone in development 👀

But yea...those are just the OCs that I think are pretty important in my AU so far :D they're all a work in progress and will probably change over time (except Xane, of course) :3

Also, go follow @regretfullyrave. They're cool! :3 And I also don't wanna get charged for tax evasion by W lmao

[kit-kat-jo]

My Murder Drones Finale Analysis... 2/2 - 1/2

jesus, imagine getting your entire life force RIPPED out your body, and being able to look back at it. i feel like this is only a taste of what the dissassembly drones went through during transformation.

uzi desperately trying to scoop her core back into her gaping open chest will haunt me for life, i think. and her hands haven't regenned yet, leaving her to scramble even more. absolutely. horrific. probably gonna be the most gruesome moment in this series for me altogether. didn't even notice N getting yoinked away there lol

this whole sequence as well… we, or N starts hearing a second voice while she repeats “let me in,” but who is it?? the actual cyn? one thing i know for sure though, is here is where N starts to get his past flashbacks, specifically of being torn apart and transformation. fuuuucked. up

i realize now that Uzi’s protecting her core from Cyn’s callback pings in all the times she’s grabbing at her chest, but at first i really thought she was terrified of losing her core again. which: UNDERSTANDABLE GIRLIE!! MY heart?? broke.

so, N did see the actual Cyn while he got tore open. and now he’s having proper trauma flashbacks and getting back bits and pieces. this absolutely breaks my heart, seeing how desperately panicked he gets, watching memories of what i’m only assuming is V being transformed. my sweet baby. for a moment i thought for sure he was going into a full panic attack. it’s a good thing hand holding pulled him out of a full on episode, but i think this man deserves a nice big breakdown after everything to process all the shit he’s been through. pretty sure V needs the same thing, having held onto these memories a whole lot longer. post series group therapy sesh?

i think i'm gonna hear CALLBACK PING in my nightmares, actually.

AND THIS IS WHERE I FUCKING CRY!!! after everything, after learning J was never on their side, V breaks. she needs to let everything out in the open to N. her apology and genuine emotion is so, so important to me… she LOVES him! always did! and it fucking hurt to have to hide like she did, only for it to all be a trick! she wanted to be honest with him this whole time, but she was so scared! she felt like she HAD to resort to acting resentful towards him and pushing him away! it gets me so, so bad.

and then N sacrifices his own safety to save her.

also teefs.

sorry

oh god. when V realizes that she’s only led N to his death… and that this long ago promise was only one big trick… everything falls down around her. she desperately grasps at being able to fix this. she blames herself. as Eternal Dream plays in the background… it was always their song, man. it was always V singing to N. so many of the lyrics fucking HURT now, putting it into this bittersweet context.

“let my body keep you warm, let my essence be your breeze, can you hear me calling? please look out for me. can you set me free?” it was always a love letter to N. (platonically. i see it platonically, better yet, in a sibling way.) the wishes she had for him to know everything. for them to be together. for her to not have to hide. to go home, to be set free from her neverending dream. it’s all so horrible and lovely and poetic to me. she deserves everything. they deserve everything.

and then her expressions as Cyn’s about to eat N’s heart, agonizingly slowly, staring her straight in the eyes so mockingly to pour salt in the colossal gaping wound. HEGGDHHSGSGGH💔

on a side note, i find it so interesting how, seemingly, a drone’s core magnetically gets yanked back to the body as soon as it gets a tiny chance. very ehm… helpful.

bi uzi tho. QUEEEEEEN PROUD OF HER FOR COMING OUT 💜

“glad you’re not dead or whatever.” waaaahahahh. they care for each other. bwuhuhuhh.

here, howd she stop letting the callback ping effect her….? just from being cringe and free?…. queen i guess?

also, she can effectively control the solver without cyn making it go crazy anymore. is this a result of just practicing and gaining more control over it? she’s just built different? or another plot hole? shrug noise. i said i was oddly okay with the plot holes, so that stands true here too.

nori already flinging herself into mom mode with her terms of endearment had me CRYING BRO!!! development!! she went from “i caused every horror in her life,” i gotta stay away from her, to HELL YEAH THAT’S MY DAUGHTER, KICKING ASS!! mom of the year ❤️

the entire fight scene was SO GOOD!!! i need AJ Dispirito’s “Bite Me” song injected into my bloodstream RIGHT NEOOWW!!

i’m obsessed with seeing them hold hands to calm each other down after a moment that affects one of them. it’s my favorite thing. we came so far from episode 6…… wipes tear

the lyrics focused on these two here is interesting to me… V saying to let her go, Uzi saying she’s not worth saving… either i’m looking too deep into it or OUCH GUYS NOOHOHO, MY SWEETIES

this had to be giffed. also, i love these scenes breaking the immersion several times and showing that all this time the nightcore is just playing through uzi’s ipod in the distance. absolutely genius.

i’ll admit, i was so confused from the black hole scene at first. but now i understand somewhat. after uzi grabbed her core and formed a [null,] she essentially had cyn’s life force. all those times she got away by turning herself into a black hole and floating off... that was essentially HER. in the void here, cyn had to try and get it back to come back to the living, like a drone putting their core back in their chest but in a weird, eltrich cyn way, i guess? instead of her core, its the manifestation of the solver itself? cyn’s and tessa’s bodies are so far gone, that all that’s left is the solver? and as soon as uzi saw what was happening, she knew she couldn’t have it back.

she fucking eated it…. homph. that was not on cyn’s bingo card. the eyes are HILARIOUS

awwwww husband wife reunion! she is so uzi’s mother.

and now, before we get into the end of things, my vizzy propaganda. not only did lizzy KNOW that v wasnt dead, and distracted j for her, but now, in @ottterpops' words, the sentinel is just like the pet she doesn’t want. its her and v’s daughter now, it’ll grow on her for sure : )

and now, my chosen video! :D

EVERYTHING about this scene, N calling for her, the HUG, him squeezing the LIFE out of her, her noises of getting choked and giggling, sent arrows straight through my heart, THEYRE SUCH CUTIES AAUHHHHG!! n spinning her around and throwing her in the air, her tackling v, ugh! THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY LITTLE ENDING!

she’s a fucking mary sue guys, ohhhh my lord. the eyes are so so cool though, they literally look like a sunset. she is living her best mary sue life now, jesus christ. she deserves it ❤️

uzi, uzi my beloved. she feels like a dear, dear friend, my sweet little emo who goes through the horrors and comes out of it with all her unhinged goofy cringe. i love her so, so much, and i’m SO fucking proud of these three. they deserve the happiest little life together.

and lastly, end credits!!! during the series rewatch, my friends and i joked that the finale should involve n getting to play a game of cards with everyone. and HAHA SKFHSJCKSJDHDJS

oh they’re def watching a scary movie… look at the way they hold onto each other, i’m done 😭😭 if i redraw anything, it’s gonna be this first tbh.

i ran out of space for images again, but! the solver still being alive in uzi is so good, she’s gonna be a real pain in the ass… the implications this brings up is so fun to think about, ugh the possibility for spinoff series is crazy! i’ll be waiting with baited breath for more content from glitch, whatever it may be! i’ll be happy!

alright, this is probably the longest frickin post i’ve ever made. but god, did i love this show. i’m so grateful my friend got me into it, and i can’t wait to continue loving it, rewatching it and messing with my stories for as long as that’s gonna last.

thank you Murder Drones, Glitch, and Liam Vickers. now to waste money that i don’t have on merch!! 💫