#i am comfortable in that id when im not at home and then suddenly

[yassifiedrumpelstiltskin]

questioning my gender every day but

[dirtybitfic]

Taken in Pt.1

matt x y/n

Y/n's dad suddenly passes , her dad left her everything in the will and left his business in the hands of his dearest friend ... but the business isn't all he left in his hands

Yesterday was my fathers funeral . I never thought that id loose my dad so young I guess I thought he'd always be around when I needed him . He was healthy and active which is why this sudden death was such a shock . My dad was my best friend , he loved me more than anything in the world and I the same , he may have been a hard working man but he was always there for me no matter what . He was a single parent to me since my mother passed from cancer when I was four, I know it was hard for him but he did the best he could and I couldn't have asked for a better dad.

Now that he's gone I just feel empty , like nothing matters . I decided not to finish out my senior yer of high school which my father was fully supportive of . I hated school , I was never good at it and it effected my mental health terribly . My father was very rich and now I guess... I am which is kind of scary . I enjoy art , painting and sketching is the one thing I am good at . My father loved coming home and sitting with me as he told me about his day and I would just paint and listen . My father told me " Me amore , if school isn't something you enjoy and you'd rather spend your time home painting and doing what you love I am in full support , I just want you to be happy and have a fulfilling life and if this is it then I am happy too" after that conversation he pulled me out of school and bought so many art products I couldn't run out even if I tried .

I found out during my meeting with our accountant that my father left me everything , the house , the money , the cars , the jet .... which I am grateful for but what could I ever do with all of that at 20 years old . The one thing I was least expecting was to find out that my father left his multi- billion dollar company to a man i've never met .... well evidently I did but so long ago I couldn't remember . Even more shockingly my father had out in his will that if for any reason he passed before I was married or had a family of my own that he wished for me to live with this friend of his .

So now I'm packing away my life to move to Oregon . Im so nervous only because I haven't seen my fathers friend since I was probably 4 years old , i'm not very good with people i'm introverted and quiet. If I had the choice i'd stay here and live alone , sure id feel a bit sad and very lonely in the house without my dad but id feel comfortable in my own space . I know my father wouldn't want me to live with his friend or leave his company with him if he didn't fully trust that he would take very good care of us. My father was very selective with who he was close with and trusted , i'm the same way so I know that he must be a very good person which I guess settles my worries a little .

My fathers assistant has been here helping me with everything , she is in a way a motherly figure to me . Lina has been my fathers assistant since I was about 6 so she's been a very important person in our lives . She helped me get ready for school and with my school work when I struggled and my dad wasn't able to help , she drove me to school and would take me shopping . All around she did everything a mother would and i'm sad to have to leave her behind. " Y/n I know this is all scary for you but I know Matt well . He is a bit intimidating and cold but thats strictly when we talk business , your father loved him as a brother . He trusted him with you for a reason okay , i'll always be a phone call away you know that" Lina says as we pack up the last couple of things . " I know I just... I hate leaving you Lina , you're the closest thing i've had to a mother and it breaks my heart that I have to move away . This house , the place i've lived my entire life ... I know It will always be here and you'll take good care of it but its bittersweet leaving you know" I say as I try and hold back tears but fail when I see her crying . " I know my sweet girl , I hate that you have to leave but on the bright side this could be good for you , new environment and new things to inspire you for your art " she says and I smile " yeah you're right I know it will all be okay " I say as we share a long hug and the moving truck pulls up in the driveway .

After loading up all my things , lots of huge luggage filled with my clothes , shoes , makup , art supplies , easels, canvases, room decor, books and other random shit. Evidently Lina and Matt talked and he asked what I like my room to look like and the furniture designs I like , then went on and entire shopping spree to make my room and his house to my liking . It was sweet of him but I feel bad he went through all the trouble for me . We load my shit onto one of the many big ass private jets my dad owns ... well I guess I own now , and i'm off to Oregon. Evidently we're flying into a small airport Matt had built on a big strip of land he owns close to his house . I put my head phones and put on some storm sounds and decide to just sleep though the flight .

I get shaken awake by one of the staff I know well " Hey y/n were about to land sweetheart " she says softly and I smile " Thank you Lisa" I say as I slide off my headphones and put then back in the case and put them in my bag. My leg bounces nervously as we finally land down . Im getting more and more nervous the closer we get to me having to actually get off and greet Matt. Lina did tell me he wasn't as old as my father , evidently my dad had met him when he was intern fresh out of college and the friendship blossomed from there. So I don't know exactly how old he really is but with and educated guess id say late 20's early thirties.

" Ms. Y/n , we're going to start unpacking the lower cabin into the truck but you can go a head and meet Mr. Sturniolo outside and drive up to the house with him" James our pilot says . " Okay , thank you James . Im so glad you decided to stay on staff you truly are the best pilot we could have ever asked for " I say to him before giving him a hug. " You and your father are my favorite passengers , good luck here I think you're going to like it a lot" he says with a little wink before opening the door for me . I step out into a cool breeze immediately looking out to a foggy field surrounded by willow trees and what looks like a garden maze . I walk down the stairs carefully before looking around for said Matt.

" Y/n" I hear a deep voice say to my right and I practically snap my neck to see ... the hottest man i've ever seen in my life . " M-matt?" I ask shakily . " Yep thats me , how was the flight ?" he asks as he walks closer taking the bag that i'm holding then ushering me to a car. "Good I slept the whole time " I say smiling and he returns it " Im glad to hear that , were going to head up to the house so you can get settled in okay , after they bring all your luggage up and we get it inside we can go get some food if you'd like" he explains and I smile and nod " That would be great, I didn't realize how hungry I was until you mentioned it " I say with a small laugh as my stomach grumbles.

He starts up the car and I have to hold back my gasp from how loud it is , his car is so sexy . We pull away from the landing pad and start down a misty road lined with trees and intricate lamp posts . I look out the window taking in the new place i'll be living for, at this point ,I don't know how long. It's actually quite beautiful if i'm being honest. The amount of deep thick wood and forest , filled with deep fog and animals lurking in the shadows , its quite alluring . I cant wait to paint it , show the true darkness and dancing shadows in the fog , the vibe here is matching my mood lately .

We finally reach a gate and make our way through and up a long loop drive way , he parks and turns off the car . He gets out and comes to my side opening the door for me and offering me his hand to assist getting out , another kind gesture that makes me smile. " come ill show you to your room" he says as he keeps hold of my hand leading me up the stairs and through the large black door into a grande foyer , it feels like a mid evil castle inside and I love every bit of it. " Wow your house is ... just wow " I say as I look around , my mouth hung open as I follow every detail with my eyes. " Thank you but it's your house too now don't forget that , I want you to feel at home and comfortable here so if there is anything you'd want to change I have no problem doing that" he says smiling at me I return it with a small nod. He leads me up the beautiful stair case and into a long hallway going to the right instead of the left. " Your room is just down here " he says leading me down the long checker floored hall . I love the vibe of this house its very dark but it has the perfect gothic victorian look. " here you are " he says as he drops my hand and opens the door for me , I smile as I take in my new bedroom . It's perfect , the dark rich blue walls that almost look black, all black furniture and bedding god I love it. " Oh my god I love it " I say as I turn to him smiling . " Oh thank god I really tried my best to make it exactly how you'd like from what Lina told me but... if i'm going to be honest I was scared you would hate it" he says smiling softly at me jokingly wiping sweat off his forehead. " No really its perfect I love it , thank you for you know ... putting in that much money and effort for me to feel comfortable here it means a lot" I say wanting to give him a hug but i'm to scared to initiate it. He opens his arms for me and I immediately hug him .

It feels ... safe and warm . His broad shoulders and muscles tensing as he holds me tight makes me almost want to cry. I hold onto him like my life depends on it . Feeling a mans touch , a mans hug makes me miss my father even more . My dad gave the best hugs so having that feeling again has tears falling down my face in seconds . Matt shushes softly as he runs a hand softly over my hair and holds my head closer to his chest letting soak his shirt with my salty tears . " I know sweet I know let it all out" he coos making me cry harder as the emotions finally hit me . He slowly backs us to a chair as he sits pulling me with him . Im cooled into a ball on his lap as he rocks me softly as I let all my emotions out . It does feel a bit weird to be rocked and on a mans lap crying at the ripe age of 20 especially a man I barley know but... it feels right and I feel safe .

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up in bed hearing quite shuffling somewhere in my room. I sit up looking around finding Matt putting away clothes into the large walk in closet in my room . I sniffle making him turn around to look at me . " Hey sorry did I wake you ?" he asks and I shake my head " How long have I been asleep ?" I ask and he looks at his watch " About 9 hours" he says smiling at me " Oh shit i'm sorry , we were supposed to get food I didn't mean to fall asleep" I apologize feeling bad I slept through the night . " No its okay , you wore yourself out crying and you obviously needed the sleep " he says as he hang up a couple of my sweatshirts in the closet . " yeah I guess you're right... I haven't been sleeping well lately" I say running a hand through my messy hair and yawning . " Well what do you feel like doing today , we can go get some breakfast, cook here , watch a movie, go into town and walk around ... whatever you want to do " he says and I smile thinking over the options . " I kind of feel like going for a long walk actually and maybe some coffee" I say and he nods "Done and done , I'll let you get changed and stuff and you can meet me downstairs in the kitchen when your ready" he says smiling and making his way to the door " Hey Matt" I say softly and he turns " Yes" he says quietly " Thank you " I smile and he tilts his head smiling " For what?" he asks and I shrug " For letting me come live with you , for being so kind , making this room perfectly for me and letting me cry lat night ... I know this probably throws off your normal day to day life and having a girl in your house is probably a lot to adjust to so really just thank you" I ramble on and he smiles sweetly " Of corse y/n , your father made it clear to me from when you were young that if anything went wrong he wanted me ti be there for you and I made that promise to him 10 years ago and I intend to keep it for the rest of my life , I know this all seems scary and is a lot to take in but all you need to know if i'm happy your here and you are not a burden to me " he says and I smile as I choke up at his kind words . " Okay i'll let you get ready now " he says as he steps out and closes the door . I throw on some flare leggings that are lined with fleece and out on a thicker off shoulder sweater and some fuzzy socks . I find my make up and toiletry bag and head into my large bathroom . I wash my face and do my skin care and putting on bit of makeup , eye liner, blush , a but of bronzer , brow gel and some light brow mascara . I run my hands through my hair quickly then head out of my room to the stairs and take them down . Im not exactly sure which way the kitchen is so I just wander to the left hoping its the right way. The further I get I start to hear nose and get hopeful i'm going the right way . I take a right turn into the kitchen and see Matt at the long island making some coffee . " Hey " I say softly as I approach him . " Hey , I heard you like espresso so I made you like a um... what do you call it oh Carmel macchiato or at least I tried to " he says as he hands me the ice cold coffee and I smile " Thank you " I say before taking a sip , I cant help the moan that slips out of my mouth as I close my eyes . " Good" he asks laughing at my reaction " Best one i've ever had" I say smiling at him " Oh that cant be true you're just being nice" he says shaking his head smiling " No seriously it's really fucking good" I say and he smiles " Good i'm glad you like it" .

After finishing my coffee Matt gives a bit of a hard time about me needing to put on warmer clothes if we're going to go for a walk . Some could even call it a small argument .

" You're going to need some warmer clothes if were going for a walk" he told me and I laughed " Oh come on ill be fine its not that cold" I told him and he shook his head " Yes it is y/n it is 48 degrees outside right now , you need to put on warmer clothes " he told me with a stern look " I don't want to i'll be fine " I told him crossing my arms stubbornly " If you don't put on warmer clothes were aren't going of a walk" he shot back with a glare and I laughed " Are you serious right now" I asked him and he shot me a look " Yes now go upstairs and change" he told me before pointing to the hallway and giving me a hard glare . " Wow one day in and your already ordering me around like your my dad ... I don't know who you think you are telling me what to do i'm not a child " I spit back with attitude which didn't seem to make him very happy " Your living under my roof until that changes ill tell you what to do and you'll listen is that understood " He has said to me in a tone that had me fuming . " Oh your roof now right right you know what . fuck . you. Matt " I had growled back at him before running out of the house and onto a path leading into thick foggy woods.

Now I seem to be lost and im fucking freezing . I am now realizing running away into these woods wasn't the bets idea . In the moment I was angry with him ordering me around so soon but ... now that use been out here for probably 2 hours I wish I had just listened to him and put on warmer clothes. The further I walk I start to see water in the distant fog . I reach the small clearing , i'm met by a small little pond swamp type of thing . I look to my left and see a grave heard in the distance and decide to wait out there till I either decide to magically find my way back home or some one to somehow find me.

I reach the grave yard and a chill runs down my spine , its slowly getting darker and more foggy creating a creepy vibe over the surrounding area. I would normally think this was beautiful but right now , i'm scared and cold and very much regretting my decision to run away. I find a small bench to sit on . I sit and think about how terrible my life is going as of right now. My dad just died last month , I up routed my entire life here, I have no friends , I know no one here and I just got into a fight with the only person who seems to care about me here .

The longer is sit here the more scared I get. I swear I keep hearing sounds around me , crackling branches , whispers in the distance and animals howling . The fog has become thick blurring my line of vision in every direction . Now that I think about it , I might have matts number in my phone . I bring it out of my pocket and look through my contacts searching for his number . I fine it and immediately dial praying to god he picks up , just my luck my phone is a bout to die which makes this situation that much worse. After 5 rings he picks up . " Y/N WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU IVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR 3 HOURS" he yells through the phone sounding angry but also worried " A- a graveyard , I got lost I don't know where I am and i'm scared " I rush out and I hear him sigh through the phone " Its okay I know where you are , stay there okay ill be there as fast as I can " he says as I hear tires screech in the background . " o-okay ... i'm sorry Matt I didn't mean to get lost for so long " I say quietly as tears threaten to spill . " Its okay I know you didn't mean too , i'm sorry for yelling I was just worried " He apologizes his tone calm now. " We will be having a talk when we get home okay , i'm not mad we just need to set some rules" he says and I sigh " Yes sir" I answer not even realizing how weird it was , i'm so used to saying it to my dad when we would argue and it just naturally slipped out . I hear him clear his throat before speaking "Okay i'm pulling up to the gate just look for head lights okay" he says and I look around " Okay I see them i'm walking to you now" I say as I get up and start towards the lights in the distance .

The second I reach the door I open it quietly claiming in not looking at him out of fear. " I was really worried y/n " He says as he starts driving away " I- I know i'm sorry I won't do it again" I say before a tear slips down my cheek . I feel terrible for the way I acted towards him , I mean fuck he took me in and this is how I thank him on the first day of living together .

We drive in silence until we park in the drive way and head into the house . " Come to the living room " he says and I follow behind him quietly . He sits in front of the fire place that currently has a crackling fire immuring heat into the room . I sit next to him on the floor curling my legs to my chest and resting my head on my knees . " so first things first . i'm sorry for ordering you around this morning , I didn't mean to act like I did and i'm sorry , second that can never happen again you could have seriously been hurt out in the forest all alone and third we need to talk about some other things so we can keep this from happening again" he says and I nod along " I accept your apology and i'm sorry too , I over reacted and worried you and that was not what I wanted to do , I guess I just... i'm not used to being reprimanded like that and I blew it out of proportion so again i'm sorry and any rules you set I will obey from now on I promise " I say and look over at him to see him smiling , I smile back and he puts an arm around my shoulder pulling me close to his side .

" Okay here are a couple ground rules , If I tell you to put on warmer clothes to go outside don't fight me on it i'm doing it for your own good , no wandering around in the garden or woods unless I know your going and you share your location in the case you get lost and I need to find you , last communicate your feeling with me so we can avoid situations like today I don't want to fight with you its not beneficial to either of us and honestly it feels wrong reprimanding you as If your a child , you're an adult and I would like to be able to treat you as such okay" he says and I smile " I understand and I will do my best to obey the rules " I say and he smiles " Good now that that is over with , go change and well go get some dinner i'm hungry and I know you must be too" he says and I nod laughing " starving actually" I respond before getting up and jogging upstairs to my room . I throw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants and some tines shoes then head back down to meet him in the foyer.

We went and had some good food and talked a lot about my dad and Matt seemed to be very interested in my interests . " I know you love painting so I took it upon myself to covert one of the rooms into a art room for you , i'll show you when we get home " he says smiling kindly at me . " That very kind of you" I say smiling at him feeling an over whelming feeling of comfort but also sadness. We head home after a while and i'm practically running into the house because for one its freezing and I have to pee really bad. " Someone is in a rush " he says laughing before unlocking the door " I have to pee" I yell as I sprinting up the stairs to my room .

I head back down stairs after using the bathroom and getting ready for bed , wearing my comfiest pajamas that are slightly skimpy but I never really cared about keeping it modest if i'm just going to be sleeping.

I hear music from the living room and follow it only to walk in seeing the music is coming from Matt playing a grand piano that is set up in front of the large windows looking out into the dark misty forest behind the house. " Claire de lune?" I ask smiling and slowly walking over to the piano . " Yeah its one of my favorite classical songs" he says looking up at me but still playing the piece beautifully. He cocks his head motioning for me to come and sit next to him. I do and watch as his fingers dance over the keys expertly . He finishes the song and taps my thigh softly " Any song you want to hear ?" he asks and I think for a second " Sonata 14?" I say more as a question than answer . He smiles widely before nodding . The second he starts to play I close my eyes and smile listening as he plays it beautifully . I took ballet classes from the age of 4 and stopped when I was 18 . I loved it so much but in injured my foot and it ended my dancing years. " keep playing ill be back" I whisper before running to my room and finding my point shoes in one of the snacked boxes.

I run back down with them in hand smiling . Good thing this house is mostly tile and wood , meaning it gives me a good surface to dance on. This living room is so large that I have a lot of room to dance . " Blair Claire de lune again pretty please " I say as I finish tying up my shoes . He smiles and nods as he finished the last song and slowly moves into Claire de lune again .

I move fluidly as I barre quickly backwards in a line and slowly move into turns . I smile as I move with the music feeling like myself again for the first time in weeks. As I finish a turn he stops playing ad I open my eyes still smiling looking over to see him staring at me with a look I cant quite place .

I walk over to him breathing slightly hard from all of the turns I just did . " That was beautiful " he says smiling at me . " Your amazing at playing piano" I compliment back and he shakes him head " Eh i'm okay I guess" he says making me laugh and lightly smack his shoulder " Your amazing " I say and I swear I see a light blush cover his cheeks.

I take my shoes off and he gets up " Come on ill show you your art room " he says and I follow behind him down a long hall to the right . We walk right into a gorgeous sun room that is now covered in different easels and multiple different sized canvases , shelves littered with every type of paint I could ever need all organized by color .

" Aww Matt ... this is amazing t-thank you " I say as I look around feeling overwhelmed . I feel tears sting my eyes , i'm honestly embarrass by how much i've cried infant of him already. " Come here " he says opening his arms for a hug . I immediately hug him tight crying thanking him over and over again . " I want you to know I really do care for you y/n , truly I want to give you the world just like your father did , and if art is what makes you happy then I will spend every ounce I have until this room is filled with supplies to last you forever " He whispers to me while soothingly running his hand over my hair . " Thank you Matt really , I - I don't know how to thank you but I - I feel cared for and after the month I have had you've made me happy so thank you really from the bottom of my heart " I say looking up at him smiling . He uses his thumbs to wipe my tears and places a soft kiss on my head . " Oh I also installed blue tooth speakers in the ceiling so you can play your music as loud as you want while you paint " he says smiling down at me . " Won't that disturb you though?" I ask and he smiles " No for the most part i'll be in the city for work but I will be spending a couple months working from home just until you settle in fully and are comfortable enough to be here alone " he says a nod " sounds good to me " I shrug smiling at him .

" Okay I have one last surprise in the garage for you" he says and I look at him confused " Oh come on you'll love it " He says grabbing my hand and ushering me towards the garage . We walk through the house and as soon as we reach the door he covers my eyes with his hands " Okay open the door and then carefully walk down the steps , there are 5 steps okay?" he says and I nod smiling feeling excited but scared i'm going to bust my shit . I carefully walk down the steps and sigh when I reach level ground " Okay take 6 step forward and then stop " he instructs and I do . he pulls his hands away and I open my eyes , jaw dropping when I see the most beautiful convertible . It's my literal dream car . " MATT WHAT this - this cant be for me ..." I say as I stare at him in shock " Oh it is . It's all yours" he says smiling as he hands me the keys . I squeal as I jump onto him hugging him giggling in excitement . " It wasn't all me ... your dad he um , he had told me a while ago that this was your dream car but he could never find one so I had been searching for it for a while . I found it and bought it for an amazing price but I had to have it reconstructed and fixed up but I know the red seating was the biggest part you loved so I had someone makes custom red leather seats for you " he says and I smile " Thank you thank you thank you " I repeat crying happy tears . I may have grown up with money but I was not raised like a spoiled brat . My dad spent his money wisely and never let me become the type of stuck up rich kid like so many others I grew up around . So having Matt go through all the trouble to make my room exactly how id like, remodel and entire room into a art studio for me and spend thousands of dollars on my dream car for me makes me feel so loved .

" You happy with it ?" he asks and I laugh " Are you kidding words cant even describe how this all has made me feel , I love it so much Matt thank you " I say bringing him back in for a long hug . " How about a little test drive huh?" I ask him wiggling my eyebrows making him laugh . " Okay go grab your shoes and a coat and we'll take it for a spin" he says and I immediately run giggling in excitement all the way to my closet throwing on a coat and shoes and running back down . " Woah fucking shit slow down slow down before you hurt yourself " he says as I run into the garage so fast I barrel into him kicking us both off of our feet . He groans from the fall to the floor as I burst out laughing apologizing through tears from laughing so hard " S-sorry oh my god I d-didnt mean to take you down like t-that" I say still laughing . " Alright crazy lets get this bad boy started up" he says as he helps me up from the floor and opens the car door for me . I climb in and wait for him to get situated in his seat before I turn on the car and smile eyes widening when I hear the loud engine start.

We get out of the driveway and onto the road and i'm immediately smiling as we Cruze through the windy roads . Its dark and a little foggy but I just cant believe i'm driving my dream car .

Matt had some upgrades done to the radio so I have a touch screen , navigation, back up camera and bluetooth. I connect my phone when we hit a stop sign and start playing Rx queen by deftones . He looks at me shocked " what?" I ask smiling and he smiles " Just shocked you listen to this band is all" he says laughing . " I loveeee deaftones" I say and he smiles " same " he says before turning it up . After driving around for probably 30 minuets were pulling back into the garage .

" Im exhausted" I say with a yawn and he nods agreeing " Me too , need anything before we head off to bed ?" he asks and I think " Mm some water and then I'm out" I say and he nods heading to the kitchen to fill up a cup for me . He hands me the ice cold water and gives me a quick hug before heading to bed. " I'll be up early , I have a couple important zoom meetings tomorrow so i'll be in my office most of the day but if you need me come and knock alright" he says and I nod " okay good night" I say waving good bye as I make my way to my room .

The second I hit the bed and rip off my clothes , shoes and socks and am left in just my under wear I turn on the fan and put on a movie I don't care about , I turn off the lights and fall asleep .

Ive only been here three days now but i'm already starting to like living here . Its a beautiful state and Matt has been amazing . Im excited to see more of what Oregon has to offer and growing closer to Matt hopefully building a better relationship and feeling comfortable to fully be myself around him .

[dystopian-penguin]

thoughts on culture and social media that english-speakers might wanna read

THIS IS NOT A GUILT-TRIPPING POST IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. i am merely sharing a point of view for the sake of exchange, i promise! 😁😉

americans and even first world english speakers have absolutely no idea how it feels to be fully bilingual and engage in international social media

from time to time you will find yourself in an (actually somewhat serious) identity and cultural crisis that will legitimately start to affect your mental health without you even noticing. it creeps up on you and you dont realize just how uttely lost you truly are until something happens and you spend some hours heavily engaging into your own culture and language and then it just clicks. suddenly you feel lighter, your mind more at peace. and it sometimes it can go on for months, even years, without you realizing where that disconfort is coming from. feels like there is a mist surrounding you very soul but you have the hardest fucking time putting your finger on it.

now to the part it might anger some (arguably immature) people from tumblr:

i had some serious body dysmorphia (had surgery since then, thank god), and i consider myself somewhat NB. as in, some days i feel like the girliest diamond-simping disney-like princess and the others i am the grimmiest most charmingly roughish of victorian era urchins. most days are close to a middle ground, of course

im only sharing this tidbit to really drive home the point i am trying to make: feeling far removed and disconnected from your culture can be psychologically compared to being forced to present your body/gender in a way that makes you unconfortable for prolongued periods of time

in this post i will try to pinpoint and explain the actual core of the issue, where (i believe, from an university level of understanding of the subject) everything stems from.

again, i am not making this post to guilty trip anyone, for the love of god. to the contrary, i wish social media was still dominated by my culture (long live Orkut lol). it is comfortable. there is nothing wrong with being in your confort zone (with some small moderation), no matter what tumblr tries to tell you. the human race has been struggling for 30k+ years to improve comfort. hell, id love to have that privilege of cultural prevalence in social media, aint gonna be hypocritical about it

i just wish native english speakers, in special those from the USA, kept in mind our way of speaking, our sentence conatruction, even the choice of slang translation we use. none of that is truly 100% "unpoluted". a lot of times we are trying our hardest to get to a close aproximation of our native language "personality".

tumblr and especially twitter could be a little more patient with it. its is damn fucking hard to master the flick of the switch to another language, let alone needing to change your whole manner of speaking because someone, somewhere, think you might be offending someone else, somewhere else

english speakers are fortunate that their native language became the world's Lingua Franca in a way that was natural. not "forced" like french way back when, or mandarin most recently. english flows. english is easy. i freaking love english my dudes, i literally majored in english translation. but when you dont have the need to learn a second language, it becomes, THROUGH NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN, natural to assume some text on the internet is being written under the same cultural and socio-econonical optics as you were raised in. ESL has become so commonplace, even more so for the last 5~10 years, that its nearly impossible to tell what country that person might actually be from.

and therein lies the problem: assumption. different people do things in different ways. there are some that are better and healtier than others (including from, yes, "third world" countries) there are some that are boarding inhumane (including from, yes, "first world" countries). but the massive majority? its simply different. if it works for you and your family and your peers, then it works. simple as that.

but on social media you only have text. how many feuds have been sparked because of the lack of intonation in text? everyone and theirs grandma's parrot has a story of miscommunication when texting. but when you add in manner of speech and cultural traits to it, it becomes a complicated issue

and then we ESL speakers overcorrect. even subconsciously, we start to shape ourselves to the native-english culture (mostly american, for the obvious reason called "sheer numbers"). but its not our actual culture. dont get me wrong, the more you can incorporate different points of view in your life the better. fuck, god knows how badly we need this in the world right now. nothing wrong with implementing it in your daily life and even your own "personal culture" and ways. hell, just see my spotify to understand how much i love punk rock, an initially political/cultural movement that doesnt even apply to my history 😂

but as i said, we are somewhat forced to overcorrect. and THAT causes more anxiety and anguish than people can possibly imagine. youre ESL reading this and think its not that bad, it cant possibly affect you that much?

allow me to demonstrate:

i cannot possibly expect an american (you will understand why i singled you out in a sec) to understand why is it that brazilians bore no ill will towards germany after the 7x1 or why is it that this last world cup in specificthe fault was actually on the coach and what were his strategy errors, or why the fault was on the players in 2014, or even WHY the players bevahed so, etc etc etc etc. soccer football simply isnt your culture. i only know of Tom Brady's existence cause of Gisele. Michael Jordan? 98% Space Jam, 2% the Air Jordan murders way back when. I have only a vague idea who Babe Ruth is, and keeping score in baseball sounds legit worse than quantum physics.

i cant expect you to answer the diference between bossa nova and samba, samba and axé, axé and pagode, pagode and samba, samba and tropicalia, tropicalia and bossa nova. and which group of people founded what, and why, and if it was for protest what they were protesting against. i cant expect you to know why the first election against bolsonaro in 2028 was worse than sophie's choice for the massive majority of us. and why the second in 2022 was another matter entirely. i cant expect you to know what the word "caiçara" means (or even that it exists!) and howcome its a different ethnicity than the ones simply 70km away, and a whole other ethnicity with the same word if used in another state

then why do all of us ESL people need to fully and nearly college-level understand the insane intricacies of american politics? why am i expected to view the mere fucking concept of police as evil incarnated, through the eyes of a country that has basically zero training of their force? why do i need to think and behave according to an apartheid-influenced race theory in my daily life, in my own country, when im not even from those ethinicities? why do i need to see gender pay gap and patriachism the exact same way, if the foundation of families (and labor law, lol) in my culture is nearly the opposite?

i belive, like, 90% of the people reading this by now will have clicked on what im getting at.

because for good or for worse, english is here to stay. no, chinese wont take over as Lingua Franca, not even in the bussiness world, and i could quite literally write a monography on the subject as to why. no, like, i actually can, i have an university degree in it. so yes international media is in english. that boat has sailed, that horse has been shot Inês agora é morta

ESL speakers obviously know that. we had to adapt to it.

but how much before "adapting" becomes "submissive"? well, i dont know the precise answer but id wage around 6~7 bus stops ago

so all i ask if that native english speakers consider that as well. we adapted, so can you. we are speaking your language, yes. we are engaging in your culture as well along with it.

but its almost 2023. isnt it time to realize that the culture of speaking english might not be only yours anymore? 😉😝

we try to stay away from everything that is widly known as offensive, obviously. most people know where The Line TM stands for most english speaking cultures. i hardly see a quid pro quo in this, but as i stated before, i dont expect people from other cultures to understand the intricacies of mine. everyone is subject to commiting a faux pas, everyone here is human ffs.

the issue is that i see native english speakers being actively but gently corrected on an honest mistake, aaaaaand then doubling down on it under the argument "this is english speaking media". or worse, an ESL person also commiting an honest mistake but then being canceled for all eternity because it didnt fit the english cultural optics.

social media is for all. english now is, like it or not, for all. we ESL folks dont mean to offend. and more: lot of faux pas are not even offensive to us at all in translation. and theres some english expressions that sound wrong to our ears but we let it slide

i think its high time we all come together to a middle ground yes? we are willing to learn, we have been for quiiiiiite a while. but maybe, juuuust maybe, not every different way of speaking in english and point of view should be considered "problematic" if it comes from a diferent cultural optic, hmmmm?

as for the culture-privation anguish i started this with? well, if you spend so much time trying to pretend to change your very principles for the sake of not being unjustly attacked by internet strangers, it will no doubt cause anxiety (to put it fucking mildly).

do a "going back home" session. take an afternoon to actively engage in music and media from your country. no social media involved. im willing to bet with the craziness thats our world, whatever language you speak shit is utterly chaos there as well. meditate on the messages of the lyrics and the plots of the series/movies/books and everything else in it. no need to go on a full monastery-like deep dive, or even to do it super frequently. it aint court-mandated therapy, relax.

but you may have gotten much more lost on that path away from your roots than you first realized. and stopping to find your way back, even if for a couple of hours, will do your mental health so much good.

as for the english speakers, just try to keep in mind the point of view i have exposed 😉

no need to agree, no need to change. hell, truthfully no need to even keep in mind if you dont want to, i suppose. but not everyone shares you issues, strenghts, and optics. not everyone has the same life story, or even history.

and remember: at the end of the day we are all the same species, sharing the same planet. we have more in common than you think 😉

[secretcessy]

respondinf to ur post that replied to my ask from earlier !!!! HAIAIAI CESSYYY >< i missed u sososo much u don’t even know !!! gosh ilove u sm🤗🤗

anyway i fear ur so real. ive been quickly posting out fics nd drafts so my followers can be fed sumn substantial enough !!! school has me sooooo cramped it’s INSANE 💔💔

atm im trying to apply for part time jobs rn as well as do tutoring for my volunteer hours 🫡🫡hopefully i can balance all that alongside hw and exams !!! who told me to take ap classes mannnn😞im genuinely gonna pull my hair outtttt sos !!! gonna miss sm things once school becomes heavier sighhhh but don't worry im never forgetting u cessy !!! love u so much 🗣️🗣️

u r so right ohmygod. november has js started nd it’s getting a lil chilly !! ion likeee it😭😭 i am SO bad w colder temperatures it’s so insane but at least no more frequent mosquitos !!! those little fat insects bite me sm it’s insane🥹and UGH i love hotpot esp when it’s at home likeee it’s js so comforting nd cozy 🫂🫂

please !!! tell me ab ur dreams bc so far i barelyyy get dreams now 😞 mine used to be sooo insane it was like i was smoking something while asleep 😣😣

ohmygod i totally forgot ab roblox !!! likeee idk, i js barely go on it now, i rmb durinf quarantine id js grind and grind on arsenal and adopt me 🤞🤞it was a def an odd combo but yk i was on that grind i fear nothing would’ve stopped me 💪💪 ill def have to look into froggie pond tycoon when ihave the time to ><

omgg i need to tell u this !! i recently went to queens cs i felt like it nd ive never been to any other borough but my own and manhattan and i got these little phone hippers from this store and they’re SO cute. like they’re called smiski phone hippers nd they’re so adorable💔💔 ugh i love cute little trinkets like the smiskis js look like they have no thoughts in their heads nd honestly that’s SO real !!!!

on a side note, i wanna give u a lil heads up, perchance a katseye sophia fic may be released this week for u !! 🤫🤫 perchance… 🤗🤗🤗

anywayyy i yapped sm ohmygod idk if ts is even gonna be able to send🥹🥹 goodluck reading this and hope u the best cessyyyy !!!!

HAI NING MY BABEH NINGGG iI MISSED MY NING TOO AWWHHIE HI BEBIII <333

I haven't finished binge reading ur fics bae 😭😭 I have sooo much to catch on but lowk can't wait to read them all GGRRAAHH everyone say thank you ninguitar for feeding ur children what a very responsible good parent u are not like me whos been traumatizing my children w hunger lmfao IM SRY KIDS BUT!! don't push urself too much w posting you need lots of rest and you totes deserve it bb 😚💖💖

WE TWINNING bc im also abt to apply for one more job bc I need me some more cash and money I hope I don't get passed out or something yall pray for me my workplace rn be stressing me out sm especially when my boss just changed and a lot of things changed liikkkeee gimme my old boss back ( I liked her very much she was like a 2nd mom to me liikkkeee waaahhhhhh ✋😭😭) I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU NING TRUST love you tew sm to ever forget an iconic sweet soul like you 💋💋💋

no bc literally where'd fall go????? it was HOT a while ago and now it's suddenly cold like where'd my fav season autumn go😭😭😭 girl the mosquitos here are soldiers they be still hanging around when its alr freezing season for them they be built different I fear 😟😟 like tf why you buzzin by my ear LEAVE ME ALONE 💔

im SO gonna tell you abt my weird ass dreams ning like they be diff level weirdness and I cant seem to stop seeing those types of dreams lately I've been waking up w fast pulses its crazy like tell me what I I did to watch those kinds of dreams man 😞😞

im currently locked in w restaurant tycoon again twas a total bitch at first bc yknow how I have to do EVERYTHING and it was a menace but now that I've got my workers I'm free from being a slave to my own restaurant <333 I might or might not be overworking my workers but oh well :P

I USED TO HAVE A SONNY ANGEL PHONE HIPPER jhgfdsasdfghjk like its an animal series and I got the lion one and its so so super duper cute you can see the cute litol wings and cute litol butt from the back and I LOVED it smmmm AND YOU BOUGHT A SMISKI ONE?????? OOOOUUUU I WISH 😭😭 I love love loovvee smiskis too they're so cute they have lots of variety and series to collect and oh god I dunno what I want my hands to get onto like I WANT THEM ALL <33333

IN SOPHIA LAFORTEZA WE TRUST god that womans got me on chokehold cant take my eyes off her when shes on screen like bae what did you do to me 😞💖💖 DONT PUSH URSELF buuuttt I cant wait for your banger fics bebi ur works are what makes this shitty world a better place never forget that ning 😚💗

[yengyangyo]

berry | k.s.w

pairings: kim sunwoo x female reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers

summary: you are in denial that you have a crush on your own friend, kim sunwoo until he made you confess your feelings.

word count: 1.9k

note: i wrote this on sunwoo's birthday. its quite late to post it cs i kept on postponing it sksksk but yea this was inspired by sunwoo's berry. enjoy reading! xo

-

you had sunwoo on your mind for days that you are lacking of sleep. it doesnt sit quite right for you to have this 'romantic' feelings for your bestfriend. meanwhile, sunwoo is not helping you to clear up your mind at all. he's just always there beside you no matter what.

he'd wait at the bus stop just to go to class together with you in the morning even when you're running late. lunch time together is a must unless one of you had other plans. both of you are just stuck together anywhere you go.

so for once, you thought it'd be a good plan to avoid him today. you woke up early that morning to get to class and you texted sunwoo that you had a discussion with your groupmates. this went on for a few days, you were making excuses everyday but sunwoo believed you.

until he couldnt take it anymore.

you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you saw sunwoo on the caller id. you were hesitating to pick it up until you felt someone grabbing your wrist from the back, turning you around.

"found ya!"

sunwoo appeared in front of you with the brightest smile. you couldn't help but to feel happy and welcomed by him that you started smiling unknowingly. you get back to your senses seconds later and avoided his eyes.

sunwoo knew something was wrong when he saw your expression fell. he glanced at your phone that kept ringing. he ended the call and your phone went off too.

"why arent you answering my calls? are you still busy?"

you couldnt stand seeing sunwoo looking all gloomy and upset. you felt bad for ignoring him so you tried making up excuses again.

"oh yea i was about to pick it up. sorry,"

sunwoo pouted and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. he's using his favourite perfume again today, you noticed. that scent happened to be your fav of him too. you felt weak and wanting to crawl into a hole or something.

"im craving chicken today. how about chicken and beer for dinner tonight?"

sunwoo turned his head at you, waiting for an answer. you looked up at him and his face was only inches away from you. you looked away, flustered. he had always been this way but only now you noticed how you felt about him which made it more awkward to be this close to him.

"i dont know, sunwoo. i'll have to check with my groupmates," you said, pretending to check your phone for your nonexistent messages.

"its friday come on. i havent hang out with you for days already," sunwoo whined and that made you laugh.

"alright but i get to choose where to eat,"

-

you chose the chicken restaurant near your neighbourhood where you both are regular customers there. the place was crowded with youngsters like the both of you, drunken with beer and chicken.

you were also getting tipsy from drinking. the first 30 minutes of the dinner went normal. asking how each other had been doing with the college life.

sunwoo sighed and rested his chin on his right palm. his eyes falters on you, searching for something. you looked away, feeling a bit burdened and transparent, because sunwoo knew you werent acting yourself these days.

"hey," he called you but you didnt answer and still avoiding the eye contact.

"hey look at me,"

you were startled at the warmth on both of your cheeks. sunwoo was cupping your cheeks to make you look at him straight in the eyes. you didnt know if this warmth was from his hand or from you blushing.

"what's wrong?" he asked. now his hand moved to yours, holding it tight. "you're avoiding me these days. do you think i didnt notice?"

silence fell between you two, just staring at each other. the guilt creeping up inside you and you didn't know where to start.

its the smallest gesture from him that create butterflies in your stomach.

that one time he opened the water bottle for you when he saw you struggling and saying that you're such a baby. his laughter filled the room when you frowned at the remark. you know how much he loves annoying you and in the end he always made you laugh too.

on rainy days, he'd always share the umbrella with you and keeping you close to him so you wouldnt get drenched. sometimes he'd gently rub your arm so you wouldn't get too cold.

sometimes he'd call you names like how boyfriend and girlfriend do, jokingly. though, you somewhat enjoyed it and played along. pretending to cringe but actually was flattered by him.

at this moment, your hand in his, eyes boring into each other, you just want to scream at him how much you love him.

you smiled in defeat and pulled back your hand.

"there were just so many thoughts going on my mind lately, sunwoo. im so sorry,"

he didn't question you any further and he nodded his head.

"whatever it is youre thinking, i just want you to know i'm always here for you,"

you smiled, this time sincerely at him.

"you always are sunwoo. i appreciate that,"

he smirked, "after all, i am the best that you got,"

you rolled your eyes and gave him your disgusted face.

"so are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?"

"i think i like someone. he's just always running round in my mind these days,"

you didnt know where the courage came from to blurt out that out of your mouth. sunwoo who was halfway shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth, stopped. he put it down and looked at you, doubting himself if he heard that right.

"i couldnt stop thinking about him. that pretty much explains that i like him right? or is it just my mind playing games with me?"

you swore you saw his face fell for a second but he went back to the usual sunwoo after that.

"does he know about your feelings?"

you shrugged, "nah. im still trying to find out what i really feel about him. should i tell him?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and chugged down his beer until its empty.

"yea why not," he answered simply. "he must be really lucky to have you,"

you laughed, "i havent done anything yet. there's a possibility that he'd reject me too anyway,"

its funny how you talk about this like its some stranger to sunwoo when you are talking about him. you felt light hearted a bit after letting that out.

"who'd reject you?" sunwoo said while playing with that piece of chicken, not looking at you anymore. "you're pretty and fun,"

you raised an eyebrow, wondering if you heard that right. he was still poking the chicken with his fork, eyes hazy and lips pouting.

"so you're not gonna tell me who is this guy you have a crush on?"

"you'll find out soon,"

-

sunwoo offered to walk you home though you kindly told him he didn't have to. he insisted and now you are walking beside him. he was suddenly quiet after the conversation you had with him.

"is that why you're avoiding me? because you have a crush on this guy?"

he asked, hands in his pockets, eyes looking forward. you looked at him, feeling a bit weirded out by his cold tone.

"no... okay maybe? i dont know. i just needed some time to myself,"

sunwoo fell quiet again for the rest of the walk home. when you reached the front gate of your house, you looked back at sunwoo. he looked like he was upset. you walked up to him and pat his side.

"hey thanks for walking me home. i'll tell you everything when i'm ready okay?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and you turned around to get out of that awkward moment.

"no i'll tell you everything right now okay? hear me out,"

you stopped in your tracks and facing him in confusion. he was pacing around, his hands are restless in his pockets.

"before you confess to him i guess i have to make a move on you first," sunwoo said, this time he raised his voice. "this is why people are saying we should always tell what we feel before we regret it and i dont want to regret it but i think im too late,"

you are worried at him. he looked like he was about to break down right in front of you. you wanted to comfort him but you didnt get what he's trying to say.

"sunwoo, i dont understand. what is it?"

sunwoo stopped pacing around and stopped directly in front of you. you swore you saw his eyes tearing up and you wanted to cry too. you thought, the alcohol has made both of you emotional.

"i like you,"

you both felt like the world is weighing down. it was as if the time has stopped for you two. you were staring at each other in disbelief.

"i know you like someone else and i shouldve told you sooner. i kept on putting back my feelings behind," sunwoo halted, gasping for air. "im too late now but i have to tell you this,"

"sunwoo-"

"i dont care who he is. but i want you to know that you deserve of love. you kept on telling yourself you dont deserve anyone. you know how badly i want to tell you that im here? i want to love you," sunwoo was practically shouting at this point. he sighed, "shit im already am in love with you,"

at those words, your tears came streaming down like crazy. you've never seen him cry but tonight he looked beautiful even when he's crying. you lurched forward and wrapped your arms around him. he buried his face in your neck and you felt his warm tears on your skin.

"im sorry. i just wanted to let that out after keeping it for so long. this is the worst timing huh?" he murmured under his breath.

you shook your head and laughed. you let go of the hug first and cupped his face in your hands. teary eyes staring at each other.

"sunwoo its you,"

"what?"

"i love you too,"

you closed the distance between the two of you, kissing him for the first time. that caught him off guard but then smiled in the kiss. it was sloppy but sunwoo is for sure leading you well at this. you both craved for this for a long time already. you were still crying of relief and touched by his confession.

"you should've told me before i start crying like an idiot," sunwoo looked down at you, smiling with his swollen eyes.

you laughed at him and you snuggled more into his embrace not wanting to let go too soon. you realized how much you miss him after those dreading days of ignoring him. he rested his chin on your head while gently patting you.

"im sorry ive been ignoring and denying my feelings for you,"

"its okay. thank god we actually like each other though," you both laughed at the same time and you havent felt this happy and giddy before.

"so i can actually call you my baby now?" sunwoo asked smirking at you playfully, knowing how much you hated it before.

"that's still cringy but sure, babe,"

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

How did you get round to doing all this research? Maybe it's the peer pressure but I'm around your age and I'm kinda jealous how you're so knowledgeable about a 60 year old band in like, our grandparents' day lol. But I'm impressed! Keep it up ❤️

Firstly, thank you! I had a very shitty night at work last night so when I came home and saw this message it cheered me up a bit <3 Honoured that you think im knowledgeable on them!

Onto the actual question though - ive always loved the Beatles (I used to watch Yellow Submarine every week when I was about 5 or 6 or so) and I would consider them my first favourite band! But it was only at the start of this year during lockdown that I started heavily reading into them; no idea why, just suddenly became obsessed. For the first few months though, I remember I didn’t actually have much of an opinion because I just didn’t know what to make of the history - but once I started participating in discussions and stuff, that prompted me to garner more of an assured perception.

The tips and advice I would give (other then neglecting school work) are:

1. I Read A Lot!

I just tend to read a lot of books in general, and so once I became captivated with the bugs, my first instinct was to buy a book on them - so I bought Phillip Normans book on John Lennon because id heard good reviews, and then it all just spiralled from there and now ive read about 7 different books on them this year (and ive got tons more that I want to get to!). Reading different books and essays on them is a great way to get a nuanced and reasonable perspective on them, albeit an imperfect way of navigating their historiography, because naturally every biographer will be biased in some sense.

A lot of people post quotes and sections from various books and essays onto this website, so if reading isn’t really your thing or you don’t have the time etc. you can still often find the important bits on here! But personally, reading Bealtes books is sort of like comfort food to me, so I typically have one on the go.

2. Tumblr & Forums

Part of my love for the Beatles I think has been perpetuated by having this position in an online community. There are other websites in which people discuss the Beatles, and ill occasionally use them (like ill check out reddit every once in a while), but overall, I just find the Tumblr community to be the most open to actual discussion, especially if it differs from the "established" Beatles narrative presented by biographers and documentary makers etc. for the past 50+ years.

Beatles fans using sites and forums like Reddit I feel are more focussed on the bugs actual music - which is fine of course, but im not so interested in discussing that, because for the most part I like to talk about their actual characters rather then their artistry. Also from my experience in interacting with people through those sites, people are quite closed-minded when it comes to drifting from the consensus. Whereas with the Tumblr community, it feels a lot more like an actual community. Like different users have their own sense of personality and their own opinions, and I just feel like we all tend to be pretty friendly here, or at the very least, tend to be respectful. People on Tumblr also seem to be a lot more open-minded to discussing less comfortable topics rather then immediately shutting down the conversation because it doesn’t fit within the “official” Beatles narrative.

Finding accounts who you would deem trusty and then sending them questions I find is also a good way to get some perspective. If im not sure what I make of situation concerning the Beatles, sometimes ill send users who I find to be quite perceptive an ask, and get their view on the subject; I might disagree with them in the end, but its still a good way to get some perspective. Also adding to or even starting discussions is another way of getting some info!

3. Second hand stories

I don't know that many people who are as into the Beatles as I am (because, shockingly, 17 year olds dont tend to obsess over bands that broke up 50 years ago 😳) but if I meet someone who does like them, sometimes ill pick up some new stories id never heard before in books or on Tumblr. Like a couple months ago my Dad told me about the time Paul McCartney drunkenly started taking the piss out of David Blaine (x), and I thought it was so funny and bizarre, I was surprised no one on Tumblr had ever mentioned it. So if you come across a bug fan, you might be able to weasel from them a couple stories you've never heard before!

4. Documentaries & Podcasts

I haven't actually watched/listened to that many Beatles related documentaries or podcasts so far, but going off of what ive seen id recommend:

Lennon/McCartney documentary on youtube

The "One Sweet Dream" and "Another Kind Of Mind" podcasts

Ive been watching the docu-series called "1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything" recently, and I think its fab! Its not solely focussed on the Beatles, but they are discussed a lot, as well as dozens of other great musicians from the era, and other wider contexts.

This (x) podcast episode on the psychology of John Lennon

5. Interviews

Not a lot to say here, just that finding interviews of them (or people who have known them) can of course be very insightful :)

6. Find The Topics that interest you

One way that I go about researching them is that I seek out essays or forums focussing tightly on topics that I am interested in. I know that my main focuses (at least for the time being) tend to be related to the interpersonal relationship between John and Paul, and their psychology’s and upbringings etc. So for example, I might actively search for information on John and his possible ED or Pauls parents etc. In comparison, whilst I obviously still love George and Ringo, I know that they just don’t interest me quite so much, so I just don’t tend to seek out information on them.

Figure out which topics resonate with you personally, and seek out information and discussions specifically regarding them!

[normal-thoughts-official]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IDEA. But may I also propose: Magnus cursed from a young age (probably bc of Asmodeus) that anyone who touches him is hurt by a blast of magic he can't control. (This may result in his mother's death). He locks himself away of his own will. Alec teaches then that it's fear that makes him lash out. Featuring: touch starved Magnus.

this idea is GENIUS actually and i love it. tbh me and my friend have a similar idea that we talk to each other about (lol) but it isn't a B&B thing, its more of an adventure AU. anyway, lets go!

so in this universe i guess magnus banished asmodeus like in the original sh verse but asmodeus cursed him with the "everyone you touch will be in indescribable pain" thing. maybe just as revenge, maybe to try and use it as bargaining chip because okay magnus, is it freedom that u want? u want to be able to have ur own friends and ur own life? fine. get me back, and ill leave u alone, and ull be free to have friends again. if not, ull be still isolated just like before. so is it gonna be win-win, or lose-lose?

but magnus doesn't budge because he knows that if he lets asmodeus free things will only get worse not only for him, but for the whole world. he is too dangerous to be out there. so, magnus resigns to his fate

and i guess in this version he wouldnt have a lot of close friends because he had been with asmodeus his whole life before he was cursed, so he was just. alone in his self-imposed isolation with no one to talk to. maybe he enchants the furniture so they gain sentience but they can't really feel pain, so at least he has someone to talk to. god im so fucking sad already

so is the furniture his friends in canon? im not entirely sure how i feel about that but also the idea of ragnor as that clock from the original movie is great. thats my most important thought on the subject ngl

btw its 4 degrees Celsius in here so im typing with gloves on so ull have to excuse my typos i am a mere brazilian and i want death

anyway okay so i guess his friends are like pieces of furniture that he spelled into sentience and they aren't his servants or anything cuz that's gross but they just like, hang out. wow im actually managing to type pretty well all things considered

so at least magnus has people to talk to but he's still touch starved because you know... a clock can't hug you and that'd just be weird. maybe them becoming sentient was an accident? lmao like magnus just wanted to automate some functions like having the clock talk to tell him the time or something and it turned out that they became sentient. possibly his magic is a little fucky because of the curse so that's why that happened? or maybe he just is way more powerful than he realizes and we all know he invented the spells he used to try and automate the things anyway. but if he gets people to talk to, well, he's not complaining

im focusing too much on this. anyway. id also like to note that im making rapha the cook/stove thing because i mean, come on. it's right there

and ok i guess alec comes into this because he uhhhhhh no u know i might go with that izzy thing. so izzy ran away from home because of maryse's bullshit and alec was sent to bring her back. so he was going after her but in the middle of the path there was the whole wolf attack thing that scared off his horse and LUCKILY magnus' house/tower/whatever was right next!!! so of course they take alec and his horse in but also WHOOPS there's a huge snowstorm that lasts for days (par the course for where magnus lives, actually. he DID want somewhere people would avoid. but also i think maybe his magic being fucky has something to do with it) so i guess alec is stuck at magnus' for the foreseeable future

which is HELL for magnus because he is terrified out of his mind that they will accidentally touch and alec will be hurt. and like.... his Constant Crave For Touch is already bad on a regular day, but having someone who could actually hug him in theory just makes it worse, you know? he hasn't interacted with other human beings in so long, just having one there is enough to make his need for touch almost unbearable and just... completely constant. it's hell

so magnus is scared, which means that he keeps to himself. so he tells alec not to go into his room, he tries not to eat at the same time, and other stuff like that, bUT his friends keep sabotaging his plans because they want him to have another friend, jesus christ!! (rapha being like "come on now magnus, you don't want my soup to get cold, do you? i'll be deeply offended. i guess you have no choice but to eat with alec". so magnus goes but the first thing he does is magic his regular table into a gigantic rectangular table with 41908410 seats and seat on on the side opposite to alec. alec just sighs

so like he's constantly coming across as rude because he is trying to avoid alec, alec just doesn't know why

but alec is also a stubborn bitch who goes stir crazy and refuses to just sit around isolated doing nothing while they wait for the stupid storm to finally be over so he can go get his sister. and magnus saved his life, so it's the least he can do to repay him in some way. besides, this is what, the first time that he's been completely away from his mom? for such a long time too? and he's finding that he feels... weirdly free and just relieved and he doesn't want to waste that opportunity with standing idly around alone all day. he had enough of that at home, thank you very much

besides yeah magnus is being rude but alec is used to straight up assholes and abusers (jace. i'm talking about jace. also maryse ofc but mostly jace) and magnus is not that. in fact he makes very polite conversation and is actually pretty fun during dinner, all things considered. he's just.... super private, i guess

AND magnus' friends are all being a nightmare with the making them interact so you know. they end up interacting. and alec makes it a point to help him take care of his house because it is a certified Depression Lair™. magnus can take care of it magically but it's like... so dark and almost suffocating at times and there is stuff like bad painting and piping problems that he never bothered to fix because it isn't affecting the functionality too much but it DOES makes life harder and alec "everything must be at 100% always" lightwood is not here for it so for a few days they are working on fixing the house and... magnus actually feels a lot better when the place has actual sunlight and looks inviting and like a home, he has to admit. when he says that to alec it might be the first time he's given him a real smile and man, is alec smitten

sidenote i guess this means that magnus doesn't exactly... dress well in this au lmaoo i mean it makes sense too because canonically magnus uses dressing up as a way to convey an image of power and untouchability and he doesn't really need that in this AU since he is completely isolated. so i guess he is a bit more like twi magnus - bare-faced and wearing comfortable clothes and the like. this isn't a twi au i'm just saying that it makes more sense for him to dress like that in that context

anyway. after the whole house fixing thing, they officially become friends. it turns out that alec also knows a bit about what it's like to feel isolated and touch-starved (altho he's always had izzy to help in that department, but still) and also what crappy parents are like. magnus shows alec his little mirror that he's enchanted to be able to show him anything he wants and how he uses it to be able to see all the places in the world he'd like to visit - he loves people, he loves culture, and sometimes it's all he can do to watch what's going on in Mumbai and it makes him feel a little better, so, he does that. he also admits that sometimes he catches on some drama happening and uses the mirror to see the people involved and make sure they are okay. kinda like a soap opera of his own but he has the means to interfere and help because of magic, so he will have someone who's struggling with money suddenly find hidden cash or have an "unknown dead relative" give them a lot of money in their will, or something like that. and if he also watches some of their personal drama that unfolds, well. he is lonely and it's not hurting anyone

but magnus doesn't tell him about the curse, and he still makes sure to keep his distance. it stings a little to alec, but it hurts magnus the most because fuck, maybe he just desperately needs someone who will give him the time of day, but he likes this guy and that only makes it harder to keep his distance. he makes it a point to always be at at least two arms length from alec, which alec thankfully respects and doesn't try to get him to breach, but. shit. it's still so hard to not want to just rest his head on his shoulder or get a hug or even fucking touch pinkies like stupid children and he can't. alec even once jokingly suggests that they have a ball since magnus doesn't know how to dance and magnus is actually excited for a second before he remembers that he can't, it would have to mean that alec touches him, and he can't

someone - maybe ragnor - even suggests that maybe he could try gloves and heavy clothing so alec isn't really touching him but magnus refuses to try because he doesn't want to risk it not working and alec getting hurt, because he'd never forgive himself. besides, getting a taste would only make it hurt more. he can't. he can't

but it's alright because at least he has some human company - he loves his friends, he does, fiercely, but it's different when they kind of have no choice but to be with him and also are enchanted creatures. he doesn't even know if they aren't nice to him just because he enchanted them into life, even tho to be fair if he had a choice ragnor wouldn't be that grouchy - and alec makes him laugh and gets him and helped make his place feel more like home, a little bit. and he can pretend that he feels the warmth from alec's body when they are sitting by the fire and feed these crumbs to his desperate need for touch and company

and then the snowstorm ends and it's time for alec to go

honestly, alec himself is kind of heartbroken, but- he loves his sister, and he can't just leave her alone in god knows where, even if he dreads the thought of coming back home now that he's been away from his family for so long. but magnus doesn't want to keep him, and doesn't want alec to feel pity for him, so he's all but pushing alec out of the door (not literally, of course. he can't do that, it would mean touching him) all "go, go, you never know when another storm might start. go see your sister. take my mirror, you can find her more easy". and alec's all "but it's been the only thing-" and magnus waves him off, of course, all "i can always make myself another one. besides, you'll have something to remember me by. now go"

so.... alec goes

and hooo boy magnus is heartbroken and a mess because even tho he knew how much having someone else there helped he had almost forgotten what it was like to be the only human in the house. he just feels extra lonely and even kind of bad about it because hey, his friends are there - not that they begrudge him for it, of course. it's not like they don't also hope for the chance to get out of the house and do other things, but well. they can't. so they understand him. and they know how awful he's feeling right then, but what can they do?

meanwhile alec finds izzy pretty quickly - she's living with this one insufferable villager named clary that alec absolutely can't stand, but- she's happy. and she doesn't want to come back, which alec expected, but he finds that he can't actually insist for her to come back. how could he, when he himself doesn't want to go?

and izzy insists that he stays with her - there's no reason for him to come back. they can stay in the village, and work, and build a life for themselves. alec is the only thing she's been missing ever since she left, and in here the both of them can actually be happy. and do it together, like they're meant to

and when he first gets into the village is the first time since izzy ran away that he was hugged and fuck, it's hard to say no to her

but also... he misses magnus already

and he doesn't know if he can just stay and leave him behind

and of course izzy is like "who is magnus?" so alec tells her the story, how he was attacked by wolves and rescued by this house that miraculously was in the middle of the single most inhospitable placealec had ever seen in his life. and the kind but wary stranger who always keeps his distance but seems so eager for connection, who made alec feel welcome and laugh and feel like he built a life for himself there

and clary tells him that she's heard of the story, but she never knew it was more than a legend - no one really remembers what happened. some say that magnus made a sacrifice to rid the village of a demon, and it turned him into a beast, forever locked in his castle. some say that he himself is the demon, and it's the tower that's containing him and keeping the village safe. some even say that he died battling the demon, and it's his ghost that keeps watch on the tower

she wants alec to explain which one is true, but it's all alec can say that none of these are right and he knows nothing because magnus never told him. all alec knows is that he doesn't want to leave magnus behind

and clary is like... well, if he's not a demon or a ghost, maybe we could bring him to the village too. he has magic, right? he could bring the tower closer. and maybe the other villagers could, you know, visit him and hang out. and he wouldn't be as lonely, and then alec and izzy could both stay

driven by this failproof plan, they decide to go back to magnus and tell him their great idea

except they are IDIOTS and forget about. you know. the damn wolves

and like holy shit is this pack big or what? like no seriously why are there infinite wolves in that one singular pack in beauty and the beast. like holy shit dude there's more wolves near the beast's house than in the whole yellowstone park

anyway there are Many Wolves and while alec is a good archer, izzy is a fantastic fighter, and clary is Fucking Crazy if you give her something stabby, there's only so many wolves they can take on at the same time

good thing magnus is a pining idiot who did in fact make himself another magic mirror and was watching alec with it. so he knows that the dumbass is in trouble and for the first time in years, he uses the portal (his own invention, and he had never gotten to use it before!) to get to them and fight off the wolves

so magnus saves all their lives, at the cost of getting severely injured and passing the fuck out. izzy, who's the one closest, runs to get to him and help put him on one of their horses... and is immediately hit by a blast of magic that almost makes HER pass tf out too

which is when they finally learn that, oh. that is the curse

izzy is fine, of course - the pain ended as soon as she was away from magnus

but it does pose the problem of How The Fuck Are They Getting Him Back To Safety, because they can't exactly wait for magnus to wake up (it's freezing, for starters) but with this amount of pain it won't be physically possible for them to hoist him up and get him on the horse. shit, will the curse work on the horse?

they bring alec's horse (by far the strongest of them because alec is huge buff mcgee) and try to get him to touch magnus and the spell does NOT work on the horse because in order to be dramatic asmodeus was like "you shall never feel human touch again" when he cast the spell, which accidentally gave a LOOPHOLE for non-human animals. so magnus could have had cats the whole time, which he had always dreamed of, but he didnt want to risk testing. besides, his house would be a poor environment for a cat and [self torture noises]

anyway thats one less problem to deal with, 99 to go, so they use some ropes to hoist magnus on top of the horse and bring him back to the tower (it's closer than the village) so they can tend to his wounds. thankfully, as the assigned Big Brother of a very irresponsible izzy, alec has experience with first aid, altho he never really dealt with anything quite this bad. and magnus' friends help, too, as much as they can. inevitably this means that alec ends up touching him even if by accident sometimes, but he knows what to expect so he Powers Through It because he won't let magnus die, damn. and as horrible as that is alec has experience with powering through pain, so. he's gonna bandage him up god damn it

izzy can't stand to see him dealing with that himself tho, so she helps, and clary ends up helping as well because they figure sharing the pain makes it easier and alec doesn't have to be too hurt. minimal touching accidents for alec! good

*narrator voice* And Then Magnus Wakes Up And Alec Hugs Him

full on launches on top of him and brings him into his arms and Magnus screams like NONONO OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALEC NO GET OFF ME YOU'LL BE HURT and his shock and distress at the whole thing sends another whole blast of magic that explodes that whole mf before it can touch alec and alec feels no pain and magnus is like.............. did i just COUNTER the spell? and everyone's like well! it looks like u did!

which earns him ANOTHER hug (oh my god alec stop he's so stressed out by this) (who knew alec was so touchy?) and this time he's paying attention to that gut reaction and because magnus is a Certified Magic Genius he realizes what it is that he's doing to counter the spell and immediately starts working on a way to turn this into unhexxing himself for good

which he DOES after some time idk how long but alec stays with him meanwhile and maybe izzy and clary do too, because magnus needs all the company he can get and besides, izzy has always wanted adventure and clary has never left the village before, so this is interesting to them at least. and magnus gets to meet new ppl which is nice

eventually the Begone Spell spell is performed and it works and turns out that when it does that it also unfucks magnus' magic and perfects his sentience spell turning all of his friends into humans WOW WHOD HAVE THOUGHT. so all of them are free to leave the tower as ppl at the same time and GROUP HUG!! and magnus cries like a baby in the group hug because holy shit hes been needing something like this so bad for so long and he never expected to have that with his friends but here he is :)

and then yeah they all move to the village to live a simple but fulfilling life and Magnus and Alec start living together in a little cottage and become husbands the end <3 this is so long too rip me

[simpsiren]

about the roommate

park seonghwa x reader

main masterlist

description. you talk about your weird relationship with the roommate you’ve been with for so long yet still dont know much about

genre. roommates au, fluff, seonghwa hinting at reader that they like them

warnings. nonee

a/n. hihii so i wanted to try writing for ateez since ive been doing a lot of nct ff already. its my first time so i doubt that it’ll be accurate but i got the idea from this post by @darling-akaashi so i hope it will be decent. i never thought that it would be this long but oh well HAHA enjoyy :D

how did you even become roommates with someone like him? you dont even know. all you knew was that you were finding someone to share the apartment rent with and it just so happens that your friend at college, wooyoung, has a friend who was looking for an apartment.

and now here you are. a year and a half of sharing an apartment with seonghwa yet the two of you are in your separate rooms. the only interaction you ever made today was at breakfast where seonghwa cooked for you scrambled eggs and toasted bread.

there’s wasn’t much you knew about him at first. but as you slowly but surely try to accomplish your mission of getting to know seonghwa (since you didn’t like being awkward with people all the time), you start to learn a thing or two about him.

you were glad that after a year and a half of staying with him, you got to know more about him, despite the fact that the interaction between the two of you still needed some work.

[ONE] : he’s a clean freak.

you were feeling tired from a long day of school and all you thought of doing while walking home was to sit on the couch and resume your anime marathon.

you unlock your door to find seonghwa mopping the floor. you nod your head slowly as you close the door and take off your shoes before taking any step further.

“didnt you mop the floor yesterday?” you ask, placing your keys on the kitchen counter along with your bag on the chair of the dining table.

“yeah.” was all you heard from seonghwa as you pour yourself a glass of grape juice. “you dont have to mop again-“

“its a habit.” seonghwa replies simply. with your cup in hand, you make your way to the living room, where seonghwa is currently mopping. you take a seat on the couch and grab the controller to turn on the tv. “hey wanna watch attack on titans with me?” seonghwa was mopping the floor in between the couch you’re sitting on and the coffee table and stops in front of you, raising an eyebrow.

“i dont watch anime?” you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “come on its fun! stop your cleaning and at least watch one episode.” you grab seonghwa’s arm and pull him down to sit next to you, making him flinch a little and quickly placing the mop beside the couch.

“how am i suppose to watch when i dont know what happened before?” you roll your eyes.

“if you find this episode good then you can watch it from the start in your free time.”

seonghwa sighs and and stands up, walking away to keep the mop before taking a seat beside you again and getting comfortable. “this better be worth it. im suppose to clean the toilet right now.”

“that can wait.” you nudge your arm into his chest, making him let out another long sigh before watching the show silently.

[ONE.2]

it was a saturday morning as you went to sleep at 4am. hence, making you wake up at 11am in the morning. however, you have always been laying around in your bed for about an hour or so before getting out of your room. when the clock striked 12, you thought that it would be a good idea to get out of your room and have lunch. gathering up all your energy, you brought yourself out of bed and lazily walk out of your room.

as you walked down the hallway, the first thing you saw was seonghwa cleaning the counter top of the kitchen. you clicked your tongue and walked over to where seonghwa was.

“did you make lunch yet?”

seonghwa looks up at you and shakes his head. “its a saturday so im spring cleaning the house.” you rolled your eyes and shake your head.

“you do that every single day!” you whine. seonghwa raises his eyebrow. “i like to keep the house neat unlike you.” you let out a soft ‘tsk’.

you have to admit, you were not a clean person at all. the only reason why the apartment is clean is because of seonghwa’s habit of being well organised and meticulous. basically everything in the apartment but your room is squeaky clean. although you see seonghwa staring at your room and looked like he’s holding back the strong urge to clean it for you, he doesn’t really do anything about the fact that you are the complete opposite of him. you dont know why but you only shrug it off.

“ill help you today, alright? then you can quickly cook something up for us. im hella hungry right now.”

seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and scoffs with a slight smile. you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “what’s that face for, huh?”

“this is the first time you offered to help. id say thank you but i know you’re only doing it because we both know im the only one that can cook.” seonghwa says confidently. you purse your lips and nodded your head.

“you’re right. but i’ll still help. so, what should i do?” seonghwa tosses the cloth that he was using to clean the kitchen counter. you took a step back as you quickly got a hold of it.

“wash it and wipe the bookshelf.” you let out a long sigh before flashing him a bright smile and headed over to the bookshelf. while you were wiping the sides of the bookshelf, you could have sworn that you saw seonghwa looking at you with a smile and a light blush of pink on his cheeks. you pretended not to notice though, and shrug it off.

[TWO] : he’s a great cook.

you still remember the first day you came to the apartment. the first thing you see your new roommate doing was cleaning. like intense cleaning. it was late at night and you didn’t bother to even greet the stranger since you felt awkward and wanted to rest for the night.

however, at about two in the morning, you were laying down in your room when you felt the need to have a night snack. you stepped out of your room and went to the kitchen. the whole apartment was dark except for the dimly lit lamp at the kitchen. you jumped a little when you hear seonghwa’s voice coming from the living room.

“y/n?” you turn around to see seonghwa chilling on the couch with his phone. the living room was completely dark and you could only see his face from the light illuminating from his phone.

“i was just getting a snack to eat.” you said as you opened the fridge to look for something to eat. unfortunately, there wasnt anything that looked like it would fill your midnight appetite. you hear seonghwa standing up from the couch at the back and walking towards you. you tilted your head to the back and see seonghwa standing behinf you. you tale a step back.

“i can cook something if you want.”

“no no its fine i just need a simple snack.” seonghwa kept quiet for a moment as you went back to the fridge to look for food again, as if something might magically pop up. but of course nothing did.

“well i didnt think of getting any snacks when i moved in. ill make something.” seonghwa walks over to the fridge and nudges your arm, making you move to the kitcen counter and leaning your hip against it as you watch seonghwa get to work.

you were looking through your phone, distracted when you heard the noise of two bowls being olaced on the table. you lift your head up and noticed that seonghwa made yoghurt with cherries and raspberries. it wasnt your idea of a midnight snack but at this point, anything could go in your stomach.

“thanks.” you whisper softly as you drag the bowl near to you. seonghwa only hums in response as the two of you take a bite at the same time. your mouth gapes open as your head slowly tilts up from your bowl to look at seonghwa. he was casually eating when his raises an eyebrow at your weird expression.

“how.. how does this taste so good? what did you do it? did you poison it?!” seonghwa blinks at you a few times and shakes his head slowly. your forehead creases as you look at him suspiciously. “i never really liked yoghurt but holy shit.” you quickly take another bite.

“i think you’re just hungry. it tastes fine to me.” seonghwa says in a monotoned lazy manner and grabs the bowl and taking a seat at the dining table. you purse your lips into a straight line and grab your bowl as well and walking down the hallway to your room. before you open your door to go in, you quickly turn your head to the dining table.

“thanks for the yoghurt! ill wash the bowl later.” seonghwa doesnt react, keeping his eyes on his phone. you gave a weird look before heading inside. you sigh.

he’s going to be hard to talk to.

[TWO.2]

“its your birthday, right?” your jumped in your seat when seonghwa suddenly appeared beside you on the couch. “uhuh.. how’d you know?” you say softly, nodding your head.

“wooyoung told me. lll make you a cake or something. anything you want to eat?” you blink at him a few times, your mouth still gaping open as you were shocked about a few things. 1. he talking to you in a more open matter and 2. he actually want to make you something for your birthday.

“make me mac and cheese, please! i love the way you cook it!” you smiled brightly. seonghwa smiled back and coughed, only to return to his monotoned face. you laugh softly. you found it cute somehow.

“i wouldn’t have allowed it since its unhealthy but since its your birthday-”

“thank you!” you leaned in to hug seonghwa. the didnt hug you back, so you quickly pulled away. you noticed him blushing again, this time it was more obvious. you shook it off, despite knowing you felt butterflies in your stomach. “ill go out to get groceries then.” seonghwa stands up from the couch and heads inside his room to get ready.

you smiled to yourself constantly as you waited for seonghwa to finish making the mac and cheese. you sigh in satisfaction as the smell of the delicious food fills the air in the apartment. you tapped your feet excitedly as you had your eyes glued onto seonghwa with the pan in his hands. your face lit up the moment the starts walking towards you. you clap your hands as he places it down on the dining table.

“fuck it smells and looks to good.” you moan out. seonghwa lets out a soft laugh, making you blush just from hearing him do that. “if i made this any other day, i would’ve asked you to pay for the groceries.” you roll your eyes.

“come on dont be rude to me.” you grab a fork and spoon, bringing your plate near the pan and cutting out a slice for yourself. “thanks for the mac and cheese.” seonghwa only nods his head and took a slice for himself before the two of you ate together slowly, indulging the savoury and amazing taste of one of seonghwa’s best dishes he has ever made dor you.

you appreciated times like thae with seonghwa. alrhough not much interaction was made during meal times, you really felt that he cared for you. making meals you like on special occasions, and he’s always asking you what you want to eat, despite the fact that he might not be comfortable with the idea, he doesn’t fail to whip up a great meal. you liked that about seonghwa.

[THREE] : he’s a great listener.

you basically the worse day that day. for some reason, everything just had to go wrong. the only thing you felt the whole day were anger and sadness, more so towards anger. it was late at night yet you were still fuming in anger, only wanting to let it all out the moment you stepped into the apartment.

you unlocked the door and dropped your bag beside you and slammed the door shut. of course the piercing sound of the door made seonghwa lift his head up in an instant. you notice him laying down on the couch with his phone and usual.

stomping over to the kitchen, you pour yourself a glass of cold water. you chugged the whole cup of water fast and forcefully place the cup on the counter. you clearly felt seonghwa’s eyes on you. you look up from your cup and notice him looking shocked, his mouth gaping open slightly.

“what?” you said, running your hand through your hair in frustration.

“you okay...?” you hear seonghwa ask. “does it look like im okay? today felt as if i entered a shit hole.” you huff. you made your way over to the couch, leaving your empty cup on the counter.

“move your ass.” you hiss at seonghwa. he raises an eyebrow and gets up from his laying position, proceeding to sit up and let you take a seat beside him.

you sit down and let your body sink into the couch, laying your head back as you sigh to calm yourself down. “what happened?” seonghwa whispers, putting away his phone and turning his attention to you.

you purse your lips into a thin line and slowly looked up at him. his eyes were filled with concern and his voice was gentle too. he hasn’t been this concerned about you before.

“apparently i got my best friend to dress up all cute and fancy so that she can have a date with my boyfriend behind my back.” you scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. you see seonghwa licking his lips nervously as he nodded his head.

“a shit show if you ask me. i saw him waiting for her in front of the shop i was working at.” you grab the pillow behind you and hug it close to your chest with you digging your face into it. “just how cruel can people get?” your voice was muffled but you knew seonghwa heard you loud and clear. you felt his hand resting on your back, patting it gently.

“its fine. rant all you want.” you took a deep breath and slammed the pillow onto your lap. you felt that it made seonghwa jump a little but he never fails to keep his composure in check. you could never be like him.

the night, all you did was talk, cried and screamed your heart out. and seonghwa was there to just listen to you. he didn’t react much, but he did nod a few times hear and there to let you know that he understood what you were saying. he wasnt so affectionate that he would hug you when you cried, but it felt good to just have him sit there with you while you let out all your anger and frustration. you figured that having him as your listener was his way of showing comfort for you.

[THREE.2]

it was 4am. you and seonghwa have been drinking since 2am. why? you had a bad day and you felt rhe need to destress with some alcohol. seonghwa wouldn’t have allowed you to get drunk but he was apparently having a bad day too and felt like he wanted to get a little drunk to forget everything that day.

“dont you know how fucking stupid that is? it only happens to me. why?!” you groan as you take down another shot. seonghwa fills up your cup again.

“just forget them. they’re being idiots.” seonghwa whispers. you gap your mouth open and roll your eyes. “how can i forgot something like that?!” you shout angrily, slamming your hand on the table. seonghwa laughs in a lazy manner.

“you’re cute when you’re mad.”

“excuse me?” you tilt your head to the side, wondering if you heard seonghwa’s words clearly.

“nothing.” you shrug it off and shake your head.

“by the way..” you started off. seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and lets out a ‘hm?’

“why arent you telling me why you’re drinking? you don’t normally do this. you dont even let me drink unless its a special occasion. i rarely see you drunk.”

seonghwa raises both his eyebrows and sigh. “i had a bad day. but yours sounds worse so ill let you do all the ranting.” seonghwa starts playing with his shot glass, circling his index finger around its rim.

you clicked your tongue. “but its always been about me. you cook me my favourite meals, you do all the cleaning and you’re always here for me when im pissed. i feel bad about it..” you quickly glance at seonghwa. its the blushing again. you started to accept the fact that you had an effect on him, instead of avoiding the fact that he might have feelings for you.

“i guess im always doing those things because...” he leans forward over the table, getting close to your face. you start to grow nervous and your heart started beating quickly. you held a fist to your chest, breathing slowly to calm you down, but it failed. its the first time you’ve seem seonghwa like this. he looked... hot?

“do you know the answer?” seonghwa asks, tilting his head to the side as you watch his eyes glaze over you whole face as if he’s admiring every inch of it.

“no?” your breathing stopped for a moment when seonghwa gets even closer. this time, your noses were touching. seonghwa chuckles lowly. why did that sound so good all of a sudden?

“i know that you know. i wonder why you’re shying away.” seonghwa’s lips immediately connected with yours. you blinked your eyes rapidly as you tried to process the situation. you couldn’t hold back. his lips felt great against yours. its like all the worries that have been piling up in you have been washed away from a simple kiss.

who knew you’d get this close to your mysterious roommate? its a drastic start to a good relationship nonetheless.

[tokyoghoose]

something that never was

pairing: daisuke kambe x reader

playlist: even if it's a lie - matt maltese*, a soulmate who wasn't meant to be - jessica benko, the less i know the better - tame impala, id rather go blind - beyonce ( cadillac records ), the house we never built - gabrielle aplin*, i cant make you love me - dave thomas junior, i go crazy - orla gartland, blow my brains out - tikkle me, hidden in the sand - tally hall

warnings: angst, mentions of cheating,

summary: the coldness he radiates gets the best of you, ultimately leading to the end.

announcements!

i dont really see daisuke cheating unless it was a misunderstanding or smth, but i liked the idea of this fic. Let me know what you think!

you can tell i didnt write this in a sitting lol. Im vv sorry if it's hard to follow!

feedback is welcome and appreciated! requests are open!

There's a warm body beside you, yet the bed feels cold. The arm around your waist feels almost as foreign as the face in front of you. It hurts to look at him, to feel him. It hurts to even be around him. He's so beautiful but he feels like half the man he once was. It's disheartening.

Maybe the saying, what you don't know can't hurt you is correct because you were feeling the repercussions right about now. Curiosity really did kill the cat, and at this point, you don't even know how to get satisfaction from it. How does one bring up cheating to their partner? Especially when the partner is like Daisuke.

He likes to brush things off without paying a price except for whatever was in his bank account, the type to hand you a card and say 'go get yourself something pretty.' And it wasn't like he was a bad lover, in fact, it was very easy to fall in love with him. He has a charm about him that's magnetic, one glance and suddenly it's impossible to look away. Or at least that was your experience.

With the final confirmation that closing your eyes will do nothing other than bringing pictures into your head, you turn your back to him and try and distance your body from his. It doesn't do anything to help when he pulls you closer subconsciously, except for maybe it makes you want to cry.

You'd confront him tomorrow, you decided.

If you need to.

———

The pace you set is leisure and if kt wasn't for the poor nail bed quickly coming to nothing, it'd seem like you weren't completely losing your head. It's all you can think about. Daisuke out with some girl—who you know for a fact isn't his sister, and who is all over him. He didn't even make a move to push her off! He hates that kind of attention so if he didn't object it, then he was asking for it. He wanted the girl on his side. In fact, for someone who insists the other person sits across from him at a restaurant- he looked quite comfortable with her nearly in his lap.

Maybe you're overthinking this, y/n.

The door clicks open and your ears strain to hear the sound of Daisuke's dress shoes. He's rather indulgent when it comes to dressing wear and the shoes were practically silent, even with the short heel on the back.

"I'm home." He says to no one particular, taking off his trenchcoat and hanging it on the rack beside the door. He stops his path to the bedroom when he sees you frozen in place and staring in the living room. He merely quirks a brow, going to take off his suit and tie.

Suddenly you can't speak and you have tunnel vision. It's unfair how calm he always looks—it's almost smug like he knows everything about you and more. Like he can read your mind and tell you your darkest thoughts and when you'll die because let's be honest, it'll probably be by his hand. Maybe you should back out now before you can say anything. Forget it all because what if you're mistaken? The more you think, the more weight is added onto your shoulders and the more it pushes you down, down further into the hole you want to crawl into. Maybe you should let it because all you want to do now is escape his piercing gaze. His eyes are studying you, taking in your form and the cogs in his brain are turning to find an explanation as to why you are standing there like a psychopath and not welcoming him home like you usually do.

You feel like you're drowning. Is the light getting dimmer? The black around your vision only seems to close in around Daisuke and you try to look anywhere else but his face. There's water in your ears, the popping of them only intensifies until you can feel it pounding into your head with faint static.

Am I going to pass out?

It's not until his hand comes down gently on your shoulder that the closing circle of vision widens out and suddenly all the imaginary water rushes from your ears. You glance down at his rings before back up him, barely catching the end of his words.

"Are you alright?"

He's never been one to beg, so you would have to answer now or he'll leave it be for the rest of the night and probably months after until you're like this again.

"I-can we talk?"

He eyes you suspiciously, narrowing his eyes and keeping his brow raised before nodding, slipping his tie off around his neck, folding it neatly into the palm of his hand. He gestures for you to start the conversation, going to the minibar curving around the kitchen and living area.

When you don't reply he urges you on, "Why so tense? Did something happen, darling?"

It'd seem like he didn't really care from how cold his voice was, but you've grown accustomed to the monotone to know that he truly is concerned for your health. He genuinely wants to know why you're acting so odd. It only makes this so much harder? You're wrong- you have to be. This must be a sick trick your brain has played on you. Or he must be playing some sick trick.

Anxiety settles itself into your gut and it seems like it won't leave anytime soon.

"Daisuke, are...- are you cheating on me?"

His eyebrows finally go lax but he doesn't look up from unbuttoning the cuffs of his white button-down. His fingers fidget at the buttons and instead of the previous loose form, his hand forms a fist.

"I- "

"Why—exactly, are you accusing me of this?"

His gaze sends chills down your spine. He's offended but he doesn't offer a defense. Suddenly your mouth is dry and you lose all your words? How exactly were you going to tell him you stumbled across him and some woman in a restaurant and practically stared them down for fifteen minutes.

You decide the bear it and swallow a lump that has formed in your throat.

"You were with a woman earlier this week snd well, the displays of affection that I saw were not very like you. You've been gone for long hours and even if you blamed it on the new job, Daisuke—you never tell me anything. Is she for a case? Are you using her for information? Go on, tell me about it. Give me a reason not to accuse you."

You regain your confidence but it falters when you meet his indifferent expression. You'd prefer it if he looked angry and the silence that fills the room is deafening and the tension suffocating.

"I can't tell you anything about our cases-"

"I'm your partner! What am I going to do? Rat you out to whoever is breaking the law? Why would I even how those connections, Daisuke?"

Daisuke inhales deeply through his nose like this whole conversation is a burden on him and you can't help but feel like a burden too. Was this relationship not worth the time to talk this out? One hand grips the bar and the other pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You aren't my partner, you're my fiance. My partner and I work together. So, no. I can't tell you about the cases."

You want to rip out your hair. This isn't about his stupid job or his stupid partner. This is about the dumb fucking restaurant and the dumb fucking woman who was hanging off him.

He can't actually be this dense!

"It's not about that! Either you aren't getting the point or you keep changing the subject because it's true!" Your voice rises in pitch, your confidence failing and turning more so into desperation. But you aren't crying yet. There are no tears and your eyes are dry and you absolutely refuse to cry in front of a Kambe.

It's like the beginning of your relationship all over again. A protective barrier around yourself so you don't get hurt and offended by his cold shoulder. Was it so bad to think you've moved on from that feeling? Why is it so difficult for him to just comfort you and push back those fears? Is he that emotionally stunted? You may not know much about his past and his family, but damn— at least you're trying to work through it with him. Can he put out a little more effort?

All he does is pour himself a glass. All he does... is pour himself a glass.

"You know what- forget it. If you're so entitled and so emotionally reserved that you can't even talk to me without a drink first, then I guess we'll talk about it another time—when you don't look like my voice gives you a headache."

Daisuke actually looks taken back by your words and you suddenly feel bad for hitting a sore spot. He may not have shown it often, but he doesn't particularly like not being able to show his true emotions; no matter the reason being.

"Y/N, wait.."

But you're back on adrenaline just as soon as he felt a drop, pushing past him to get to your coat. You just needed to calm down before you said something you'd truly regret. Words tended to stay in his mind much longer than they were intended to.

"I'm staying at my mother's. Don't call me, don't text me, don't come near me until you're ready to tell me what the hell you were doing with her. "

When he doesn't say anything more and you can practically hear the cogs in his head turn, you make your way out there door, making sure to slam it shut.

You slip on the coat angrily, slamming open the door without sparing him a glance but waiting for him to say something. Anything. Were you being too rash? You shake your head and scold yourself, mentally. You can't just turn around now, not after an outburst like that. He has to learn something from this.

Irrational or not, hopefully, his true colors would show.

[autumnslance]

A Healer Can Tell

So some folks may not understand, but @erickgage​ had another character at the start, until the day when mucking around with the character creator he created Erick Gage, the “perfect asshole.” Just a jerk blonde midlander, who another friend promptly made a sister for, and so the Gage twins have plagued us since. Erick has accidentally gotten character development and formed meaningful relationships with friends and comrades. Funny how that works.

Anyway, we hit up Expert Roulette, as you do. Got a nice BLM seeing Matoya’s Relict for the first time, and a tall buff healer lady wearing very little who had an assessment of the party right out of the gate.

Being the good friend that I am I have recorded this run’s chat log for posterity.

[ID: Screenshot of party chat, starting with Erick asking if the healer would like fast or normal. Healer: Okay, so we have a generic looking tank, a cute red mage...and a bunny boy. Healer: Go big or go home. Erick: GENERIC?! HOW DARE. Aeryn (me, the cute red mage): It’s true, Erick. Erick: I do not spend 2 hours in front of the mirror for GENERIC. Healer: Is very basic. Erick: Debuff Added: DEPRESSED. Aeryn: (Erick’s RP is his vanity too so this is great) Healer: Glad I can help on this.]

We did run into some trouble on Boss1, and we all died except Erick, who had intended to make GNB his main but since the Endwalker trailer he’s gone back to Paladin:

[ID: Screenshots of chat Healer: Be a paladin and be OP BLM: Oh no. Aeryn: He got it. Erick: Got im! Erick: Could a generic PLD do that? Healer: This should go pretty fast from here Healer: And to answer your question. Healer: Yes. Aeryn: XD Erick: D: *Aeryn consoles Erick* ]

The Healer was thinking they would have to leave the party for dinner, which made me sad if they had to go.

[ID: more chat screens Healer: I gotta dip after this for dinner. Healer: unless you guys wanna wait. Erick: kk, thanks for BREAKING MY HEART Erick: ... how long? Healer: 15 or so Erick: that'll be too long for me :/ Healer: yeaah sorry Erick: sad days Healer: just tell the next healer to break your heart Erick: Or Erick: we could not Erick: do that Aeryn: Sure can Erick: D: ]

But joyous day, the Healer did not have to leave! In voice chat, Drogar (Erick’s player) and I were certain their delay on dinner came with “no but I’m not done roasting this paladin in my dungeon.”

Me: “I like how she got into the dungeon, took one look at Erick, and just knew. She had his number instantly.” Drogar: “I feel like this happens to Erick sometimes. He’ll walk up to a woman and she instantly has his number and he ends up with a drink spilled on his lap.” Drogar: “This is what he gets for suddenly having character development.” Me: “What you get for rolling up The Perfect Asshole.” Drogar: “It’s true.”

We finish the acid trip and get to the final boss and have a couple minutes cuz the BLM is new.

[ID: More screens convo Healer: i am very good Healer: at playing limbo with tanks Aeryn: we're used to it our healers do the same Erick: *thousand yard stare, the healer mantra echoing in his ears* Erick: "How low can he go? How low can he go?" Erick: double digits on E12N @_@ Aeryn: you were fiiiine Healer: hold on Healer: someone in cutscene Erick: BLM is viewing the majesty Healer: of BACON! Erick: How Its Made got weird this season.]

In the end, it turned out that healer’s first time healing the dungeon, the BLM got to advance MSQ, and Erick sobbed a little (I did another /comfort, don’t worry) while I /doted and comm’d our healer for an entertaining run. The healer also thanked us for “putting up with” them.

One of them was kind enough to comm Erick, at least.

[baalzebufo]

🔫😃 give us them monster au Majima deets I dare you /hj

I'm invested, I wanna know stuff, like; What was the interaction between Kiryu and Majima like after the reveal? How did Haruka find out? Was it because she lives with Kiryu or did Majima tey to keep her oblivious to it as long as he can because no.?

I WANT THE DEETS AND I WANT EM NOW

(ya don't need ta do nothin if ya don't wanna, take yer time, I just wanna show excitement with this :>)

THANK YOU for the interest I am constantly excited to talk about things and will 100% share what deets I have

(Update: this got... WAY longer than I anticipated. So im putting it behind a readmore. sorry for the wall of text I got very passionate suddenly!!)

disclaimer: I have very little solid 'canon' established and 99% of this will be stuff I make up on the spot cause thats just how I do these things

So, in my head this all takes place after the events of the first game- Kiryu's been to jail, gets out, 10 billion yen drama ect. I think it would be peak drama if Majima accidentally let slip during the fight at Shangri-la that he isn't human, he got so hyped up on the idea of a 'fight to the death' with Kiryu (which, lets be honest, was probably a bit of suicidal ideation on his part because he wanted Kiryu to utterly destroy him) that he couldn't control himself and Kiryu gets an eyeful of claws and teeth and horns. But because things are so fucking manic during that point in the game, Kiryu deadass writes it off as a weird hallucination/'this might as well be happening' because he has WAY too much going on.

it's only after the games finished and Kiryu settles down, decides hes going to adopt Haruka and is trying to get his affairs in order when he's like. Holy Shit What Was Up With That.

Majima hasn't shown his face around him since because he becomes convinced Kiryu seeing that means hes going to despise him and/or try to kill him so he crawls into his hole to mope about it and Kiryu has to genuinely jump through hoops trying to find where he is. He was concerned! Eventually he gets in touch with Nishida who is equally worried about his boss (he knows Majima's secret but is sworn not to tell anyone) so he just. quietly tells Kiryu where Majima is living right now and prays it wont come back to bite him in the ass

He goes, Majima initially attempts to be like 'haha you hit your head pretty hard down there-' and write it off like that but Kiryu is nothing if not persistent and eventually he has a little meltdown about it and finally just shows him. Majimas been in a super weird mental state since Shimano died and hes just like, at his breaking point, so he figures 'fuck it, if Kiryu hates me, whatever' at that point

OBVIOUSLY Kiryu doesnt, hes just like. dude are you okay

they have a long ass talk about it and what happened and it all sort of culminates in an awkward love confession because turns out wow you two REALLY care about each other, huh!

Majima also shares that hes only really still in the yakuza because he feels like its the only place he belongs, that a monster like him doesn't deserve anything resembling a normal life. its that conversation that starts him on the path to realizing he's not happy there tbh

Im SEVERELY rambling at this point but. after a lot of emotional catharsis between these two they promise to try to make something work. majima considers leaving the yakuza, and kiryus going to make a home with haruka. and while hes not ready to join them properly, just yet, he's... thinking about it. in the meantime, he's heard some cool stuff about construction as a business, and he's lookin' into it.

they kept it from Haruka for a while, mostly because Majima is super not comfortable showing people. He didnt spend a lot of time around her because he still felt guilty about the kidnapping thing, but eventually Kiryu pushes him to try to apologize properly and make amends. Haruka is obviously suspicious of him but, I think shes got a good judge of character when it comes to if someones being earnest, and its clear Majima wasn't acting of his own volition. (She blackmails him for lots of ice cream as an apology.)

Eventually she picks up on the fact they're hiding *something* because of how like, furtive Majima becomes when he stays with Kiryu and how he's almost never actually around, especially since he loves being the center of attention otherwise. So they brace themselves for it all to come crashing down when they tell her.

It honestly... goes fine. Maybe its just cause she's a kid and was way more willing to believe monsters exist, but it's not quite the 100% world-shaking revelation. It does set them back a bit and there's a lot of convincing that 'not all monsters are evil', but eventually she settles on. 'he's not scary. he's just kind of weird.' and you know what? majima will 100% take that.

(also she thinks its funny how he purrs when you touch his ears a certain way. he's like a big weird puppy.)

okay goddamn this post got long enough as is but. thank you again for the interest I have... so many words in my brain about this. Ideally id love to write a proper fic but im really not great at structured writing like that- it takes a helluva lot of a work compared to just infodumping into a big nightmare post like this. One Day.

I mad appreciate any and all interest though! Like, at its heart this is a hurt/comfort kinda au, and my end-goal is for Majima to realize being a monster doesn't mean he doesn't get to be happy or that he doesn't deserve to be treated like a human. it is vitally important to me that these two old sad men be happy together and build a better life lmao

[dizzeeflower]

astra zeneca covid vaccine side effects - 1st dose

cw/ detailed discussion of medical symptoms, mention of vomit, covid mention

i got my first dose of the vaccine at 10am on saturday 3rd april. it was the oxford astra zeneca vaccine. for the record im 22 years old with asthma

here's an hour by hour diary of the side effects i personally experienced. these side effects are all considered typical of this specific vaccine

side effects hour by hour

the shot: didnt hurt a bit! the flu jab hurts more

in the first 2 hours after the shot i was pretty peppy abt getting rhe shot and made a batch of cookies when i got home but realised i didnt want to eat any, i put it down to not being hungry

3 hours after the shot i had a bagel and felt very nauseous after but didnt throw up

4 hours after the shot and i started feeling random aches in my hips and upper back and suddenly didnt have any energy so i crawled into bed

5 hours after the shot i got a headache. nothing too intense, the kind of headache u get if u didnt sleep enough last night. i also started getting chills despite no temperature drop, put on more layers and crawled under three blankets

6 hours after the shot my entire body started aching. the pain was about a 6/10 altogether so somewhat manageable. also my knuckles started really aching and i thought that was weird

7 hours after the shot i had drunk a litre of water so far which i rlly never do and still needed more. this is when a feverish feeling kicked in, but no actual fever. the body aches were the same pain level but i suddenly had so much less energy that i couldnt get up from bed anymore. trust me i tried

8 hours after the shot the pain was at a solid 7.5/10. i couldnt pick up my switch lite, i couldnt flip mysef over in bed, i couldnt turn my head without wincing

9 hours after the shot the pain was consistent, but my friend made me laugh on voicecall and it hurt so much that i whimpered in pain and started crying. at this point i had an actual fever. unfortunately i dont have a thermometre, but my chest and back and face were burning up. no sweating though, and i had an ice lolly to try to cool down.

10 hours after the shot i threw up said ice lolly and it absolutely killed my body... 8/10 for pain after that. also got some ringing and pressure in my ears but im not sure if that was from the strain of throwing up

11-13 hours after my shot are blurry. The pain got a lot worse at maybe a 9/10. i physically could not stop from crying and wincing and yelling in pain. i wasnt even moving, the pain was just throbbing and stabbing. mostly in my lower back, the back of my head behind my ears, and my hips. i think i got a little bit delirious. i took paracetamol at this point

14-15 hours after my shot i fell asleep for an hour and woke up drenched in sweat. despite the fever, the pain was briefly at a 4/10 which was pleasant. i stayed awake for a while talking to my friend then fell asleep again but not for too long, maybe two hours

18 hours after my shot i woke up again, this time absolutely freezing and shivering so much my teeth were chattering. pain was a 6/10. the site of the injection was swollen and very painful. when i accidentally leaned on my phone with it it felt like i was being jabbed with a needle

19-20 hours after my shot the pain got progressively worse very quickly. it went from a 6 to a 9 again. i panicked a little bit as i didnt have anyone around to help me. (if you are getting the shot make sure you have someone on call just in case u get to this point.) i took more painkillers

21 hours after my shot the pain was at a 7/10 an hour after the painkillers. not pleasant at all, but at least i stopped yelling and crying. my fever was gone but i still felt feverish and was sweating a lot. my head was still throbbing especially behind my ears. by this point id had 2.5 litres of water since my shot - please remember to drink plenty it does help

- that's where im at now, i will reblog with updates -

side note: my mum (49 yrs old, heathy but has smoked for decades) got the same shot at the same time as me literally in the same room. her side effects were later onset than mine (starting around the six hour mark) but they quickly caught up to mine to the point where we were both throwing up at the same time.

the intensity of both our side effects were exactly the same. she was also sobbing and whimpering with the pain at the same time i was (which was honestly rlly hard to hear)

the takeaway

GET THE FUCKING VACCINE this has in no way deterred me from the vaccine or made me regret it, if anything its made me so thankful ive got it because if this is what just the vaccine is doing to me, i honestly cant imagine how excruciating having the actual virus would have been

this is temporary and thats comforting. like it SUCKS im in so much pain, ive not been in this much pain since i had a two week long flu years ago. but this is firstly nowhere near as awful as getting severe covid would be. and secondly its only going to last for a couple days max and its so worth it to know that in a few weeks i'll be helping to stop the spread of this virus just for a few days of fever and bodyaches

please dont let the possibility of a bad experience with side effects deter you from the vaccine. im a complete baby and am terrified of pain and this is pretty scary but nowhere near as scary as my realisation when i was hearing my mum crying from the pain of the vaccine, that i dont know how severe it would have been had she caught the actual virus. i can feel this pain and hear hers and KNOW that it will be over and will make us healthier in the long run. if she was crying from the pain of the live virus, i dont think i would be able to handle it

get vaccinated

[ablackfangirlwrites]

New neighbor

1 2 3 4 5

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.” You said looking at keigo from across the table

“Honestly me either…"he joked take a sip of his water

The air between you went back to being awkward

Somehow this date was going everyway but the way keigo planned

The two of you had so much chemistry

Yet it was no where to be seen now

"Soooo….hows school?” Keigo tried to bring up a conversation

“Its nice…busy…”

“Oh…”

The night was going just like that

You didnt know why you were so nervous

“This is like the first date ive been in…a while im usually a better time than this.”

Keigo averted his eyes,“same…as you know im way more charming then this.”

“I wouldn’t say all of that.” You joked

“Theres that pretty smile.” He flirted

You just rolled your eyes, “please.”

“I can’t lie..maybe thats why you got me so nervous you look really pretty today…as usually.”

Hawks said giving you a smile

You shook your head, “well you clean up very nice too.”

The two of you went into a more comfortable silence

"Can I ask you something?" You asked him

"Yeah shoot." Keigo said stuffing his face with food

You couldn't help but laugh he was so strange

"Why are you a hero anyway?" You had to ask it was the one thing that had been on your mind for so long

"Hmm?"

"Like what made you decide that being a hero was what you wanted to do?"

Keigo was silent for a moment

"I feel like it would be basic to just say because I wanted to help people but when it comes down to it thats why I started this."

"Oh-"

"But dont get me wrong my view has chanced a bit since me wanting to be one as a child-if im honest with you kid its more about me trying to fix the system now."

That answer wasnt exactly what you were expecting

"But thats enough about me," keigo said, "how come you hate heros so much?"

"I dont hate heros."

"Yet when you found out I was one you were ready to put as much distance between us as possible."

You rolled your eyes, "....its no reason really.."

"Oh come oooooon." He insisted

You sighed, "ill just....ill...just say its probably in my best interest to away from them"

"Yet your hear with me." He smiled

You gave him a weak smile back,"Yet I am."

“Hey you wanna get out of here?” Hawks asked all of a sudden

You frowned, “dates over already?”

“No way I wanna show you something.” 

your raised your eyebrow, “I’m not sure I wanna see it.” 

Keigo laughed, “It’s gonna be cool I’ll get the check.” 

You watched Keigo get up and wondered what he had in mind 

the date wasn’t the best so far but you had a little hope that maybe he had something up his sleeve to turn it around 

“Let’s go Y/n,” Keigo called out 

When the two of you got out of the restaurant Keigo stepped in fount of you  

“Do you trust me?” He asked you suddenly

you frowned at his sudden question, “no.” 

“Well can you trust me for a few seconds?” 

“ughhhh-” 

“Oh come on live a little kid. He said with a wide smile never leaving his face

“okay but, stop calling me kiiiid!"

Before you knew it Keigo pulled you closer and took off into the air making you scream

for some reason it had never acurd to you that he was going to fly 

and it was in that moment that you realized you had a fear of hights

"Ohmygoshkeigoputmedown!" You screamed

You heard keigo laughing and you wanted to punched him

But you were too scared to let your tight grip on him go

"Y/n open your eyes."

"No."

"Come on."

"No!"

"You're supposed to be trusting me right now."

"A real stupid decision on my part."

"Kid I landed you can let me go and open up your eyes"

"Stop calling me kid," you snapped at him opening up your eyes

Just as you opened your eyes you saw the view

He had bought the two of you to a skyscraper

"Its beautiful!" You said

"It would be super corny if I said something like no you are right?"

You turned to look him, "Yeah, it would."

"Then I wont say it....but ill think it."

You playfully hit him

"I figured id make up for the awkward dinner with some decent sight seeing." He told you

"Well I am impressed."

"Y/n..." keigo said your name seriously

"Hmm?"

You turned only to seek him closer than before

"I really like you y/n...but you knew that already."

"Keigo.."

He was close enough to kiss you

And believing he was leaning in you closed your eyes

"Welp this date has been fun." Keigo said suddenly making you flutter your eyes open

"We should get home."

You were a bit shocked, but you didn't want him to know how embarrassed you just were, "oh you're right..."

Keigo would fly the two of you back to your apartment

"I had a nice time, y/n. We should do it again."

This time keigo was close enough to kiss you again

And he was leaning in you were sure of it

You subconsciously held your breath this time

But just before your lips could connect keigo smiled, "ill see you later kid."

Leaving you confused and alone in the hallway

[funkymbtifiction]

im wondering if you could help me identify the loop i’m in (to narrow in on my type)?:) or at least i think i’m in a loop. i’m super sorry for the chunky submission ahead i hope it’s not too much of an eyesore!! thank u in advance:)...

"How I want to be for people" implies strong Fe, the losing of oneself and being incomplete as separate from others, merging and needing to shut them out in order to be oneself, is 9, and a lot of this echos the recent Big Hormone Enneagram social podcast in what the 9 was talking about (merging into others, losing oneself in them, and the pulling away), so I'd assume ISFJ 9w1 so/sp or so/sx.

my personality feels really malleable when i’m around people in a way that i would picture in my mind what persona would go with this person, what vibe do i want to project, and adjust myself accordingly. so it’s weird when my different friends are caught up in a situation together with me there because i hesitate i don’t know which persona to project to satisfy how i want to be perceived by both parties. when this happens i either block out one person from my mind (which is really mean because i act like they don’t exist or like we’re strangers) or just “shut down” in a way, to retreat as my mind turns blank,which happens because i turn exhausted and it feels like suddenly, i want to hide to enclose myself to disappear and find comfort in the quietness of just existing with myself.

this tendency is a habit i have because it’s an all or nothing threshold potential where i either have to constantly engage with the outside world or not at all. especially with socialising. i think id merge with the atmosphere (not physically tho, i not the most physically sharp person) and be like yeah!!!! but once i leave it feels like the energy has gotten zapped out of me and i suddenly feel tiredness in my bones and i’d want to shut myself in my shell

shut in not exactly from the outside world but from people and i think this need to retreat comes from how much i can loose myself in people,,and when i get alone time it feels relieving but at the same time it feels like i don’t know who i am like there’s nothing i have for myself to push me and fill me,,, so when i’m back home with my family i become deadpan and also angsty?? like my “idealised” image projection completely switches off and when i think about having to turn it on again (in school etc) i get anxious because i’m scared i can’t configure myself in the best way for people to have certain ideas associated with me. at the same time, the more i close myself off, the more empty and antsy and dead i get,, so in a way being forced and having a reason to project “how i want to be” for people and socialising fuels and energises me!!

I’ve been monitoring myself and the “trends” i have, the times i would fall into pits of despair” and i’ve noticed that it stems from when my thoughts in wanting to merge and feel intimate oneness with certain persons becomes obsessive and i’d need to connect back to myself. and this is hard because that compulsive want for intimacy comes from the want for emotional richness and intimacy allows me to feed off that of the other person because i’ve realised i can’t produce that on my own i can’t seem to find emotional richness in myself, even though i desperately don’t want to feel empty. and it’s not that i don’t have my own interests but having someone to share it with or sharing their interests makes the experience feel so much more whole. i mean i don’t open up to just any person so easily though, and most times i don’t talk about myself and keep my interests private for some reason.

at my best (or better), i honestly think ^^this mindset is still more or less the same but im more sure of “myself” , of the image of myself i have in my head, that i like the person i am when i’m with people and alone, and i’m excited to do things that express myself.

[voidselfshipp]

A matter of time

Cw:food ment , slight angst

Summary:after being stuck in space horizon thought she lost it all,with the only hope being that the timer on her wrist didnt start the countdown to meet her soulmate., what could that mean?.

Soulmate au prompt list

Ok to rb

Mary though shed lost It all.

Her son, her home, her world...her life.

And worst of all...her soulmate.

Though,there was a little something that gave her hope, the timer on her wrist hasnt started yet.

So she worked hard and every day she spent modifying newt finally payed off as she entered the apex games.

And when she finally got herself comfortable in her room on the dropship, thats when the timer started to count down.

A month, then a week.

And when the day arrived she was nervous, biting her pen as newt rested on her lap, the machine purred under marys touch.

--You seem off--wattson said putting a hand on the scientists shoulder.

--I am, todays the day where I meet me soulmate, im so excited! And nervous?Will they like me at all?

Natalie laughed softly patting her back-- they are your soulmate im sure theyll like you very much

Mary nodded, letting out a nervous giggle.

Suddenly, the Doors Open, horizon look to the person entering.

A woman, Brown messy hair, eyes hid behind a peach colored round glasses, shes checking the timer on her wrist, she then looks up to Mary.

Theres an awkward silence, the legends all look at eachother,as If saying "somebody help them both".

Mirage was about to say something but he keeps it to himself.

Of all the people there it was obvious horizon and this woman were meant to be.

--uh...hello?-- the woman said as horizon Walked with timid stepts towards her-- im uh..jerico, youre uh..

--i am Mary,Mary sommers-- she extends her hand.

Jerico shakes it and smiles-- well, we are soulmates arent we?

--ye, that doe seem like it--horizon added interlazing her fingers with jerico.

--Lets get some food, this whole thing is nerve racking

Mary nodds as newt floats behind, the quiet chatter resumes on the common area.

In the dropshipps cafeteria they talk softly, they are sharing stories and their own personal experiences.

--Well I uh-- Mary started-- I used to have a son, I tried to save my home from an energy crisis and...--a Lump formed on her throat-- I got betrayed by someone I considered a friend..,I thought id lost it all, home,Friends...family--she then looked at her-- love...

Jeri takes her hand,squeezing it softly-- im so sorry Mary..

Horizon just looke away-- but on the bright side it was all it took to meet you...

Jer nodded kissing her knuckles-- now and forever togheter

--Now and forever...

[twisted-lies]

hey, i’m the anon that sent in that ask thanks for answering! i removed some stuff in the end but i hope this works. i’d like a DR (1 2 3 V3) kin match up (please and thank you!).

im an open book! i often over share (which i might do in this ;^^) to people i newly meet. whenever i do this it ends up an embarrassing moment i can’t get out of my head, which causes me to overthink a lot. i actually have a fear of embarrassment, which has prevented me from living (the most extreme thing being i stopped going to school for a year). because of the year break, and some people seeing me as too eager to talk to them i don’t talk with anyone irl. online is where i meet and know the most people, i try to join servers to talk about common interests but most the time i get too embarrassed to speak and just end up watching others talk. in a private group chat or dms, i’m a lot more talkative and people see me as funny. i’ve been called an airhead, which id say is kind of accurate. i tend to over react a lot as well, and i get scared very easily. i also consider myself fairly loyal, i can easily tell if i like someone and ultimately will dedicate all my time and energy to them if they allow me to. in the past, no one in my family took me seriously. i was the second youngest, and most of them coddled me. of course when my younger sister came along most of the attention went to her, but because were close in age it kind of stopped suddenly. i wasn’t really taught about necessities like i should’ve been, and i had to learn a lot of things on my own. as a result im very clumsy at things like cooking or doing my own hair, but i also am constantly learning. self care means a lot to me, and i’m very understanding of people’s boundaries. i get easily attached to people, even falling in love easily. i find myself being kind of cruel to people i think pity me, it makes me intensely uncomfortable and reminds me of moments i would rather forget. for interests, i like anything interesting! (i wasn’t sure how to word this, but i hope you get the idea) I enjoy video games (no specific genre), taking care of animals, and i also enjoy shopping, especially for home decor. i get easily sucked up into apps like youtube and tik tok, with my attention span being all over the place. i also really enjoy anything with drama, which is more of a guilty pleasure of mine. arguments on shows are just very entertaining to me, with some of my favorite shows being the challenge or big brother. i also have a soft spot for romance or mystery anime. i could talk about those topics for a long time, because i find them to have many different aspects to them. many things in my life tend to clash, the best example being that it’s natural for me to be talkative and energetic, i have a fear of embarrassing myself which refrains me from being either of those things. i try to put my self first, but i always have the need to help people. for example, a neighborhood dog has gone missing so i’ve been looking for it. it didn’t affect my daily schedule much as i’m mostly outside anyways. i like the drama in shows, but i don’t like the people who cause drama for nothing. i live pretty relaxed, so none of those really bother me. i don’t really have a sleep schedule, i sleep when i want to and it usually works out. it’s easy to persuade me, as i’m pretty gullible, but if you lie to me about something it makes it kind of hard for me to trust you again. my grades are horrible, but i really don’t care enough and i might not pass. despite getting attached to people easily, i tend to be kind of picky with who i hang around. while i can’t help if i like someone, if i don’t like someone i can be kind of vocal about it. in the past i’ve had a persecution complex, i consider myself over it now but i’m not entirely sure. i get random bursts of interests in different kinds of stuff, but when they’re random like that they hardly stick. i enjoy wearing over sized clothes, mainly because it’s comfortable. i love animal themed products, it could be anything i just find it cute!

I kin assign you with...

Ibuki Mioda

Firstly I thought of Ibuki Mioda, Ibuki is pretty talkative and tends to sometimes not have a filter to what she says and could easily talk too much to the point of saying something embarrassing and definitely could be seen as eager to talk. She's definitely onenof the funny ones in the group and lightens the mood pretty easily when she needs too. She could also be seen as airheaded and gets distracted pretty eaisly. She also can tend to over react or get startled pretty easily seen from certain scenes throught the game. Ibuki is probably one of the more loyal ones you'll meet. She'll take all of her time and energy and put it into one or multiple people she likes or really cares about. She doesn't have a very good attention span and can easily get distracted. She seemed to have a liking for video games in the anime when Chiaki and all of them played together. Ibuki also seems like the person to spend a lot of time decorating to make sure it suits her well. She could also easily be interested in drama due to her quirky type of attitude and input her thoughts here and there out of impulse. Ibuki would probably try to take care of herseld but when she sees someone who needs help she quickly springs into action and could easily forget about her own needs momentarily. I'd say Ibuki could probably have random bursts of interests and try to learn a few thing from her classmates though can quickly loose interest.

Tenko Chabashira

Secondly I thought of Tenko Chabashira, Tenko can be pretty talkative when it comes to the females in her class and could even often over share on accident. Though she knows when to stop when she's accidentally messed up though sometimes she won't and will carry on. Tenko can definitely tend to easily over react and be kinda protective towards people. Like when the male students of her class try to interact with the female ones she gets overly protective and over reacts about it and often tends to call them out and call them "degenerate". Which could link into you being a little more agressive or cruel when people come to pity you and as for Tenko it's likely it could be out of embarrassment or bad memories. And she's definitely vocal if she doesn't like you very well. I'd say Tenko is definitely picky with who she's friends with and when she finds someone she adores she'll try and put all her time and energy into that person if they'll allow her, though she may go over board sometimes. Tenko can fall in love pretty easily depending on her outlook on you like she did with Himiko, she probably did feel some kind of romantic attraction to her if not a really deep platonic one even if Himiko didn't exactly feel the same at the time. She definitely tries to be helpful if she can and though it may be one sided based on gender she's still pretty helpful to them and would leap into action when she needs too. She'd most likely be the first one to stand up for something as well. Tenko may be one for drama too, though not if it's unnecessary ones which could easily aggravate her. She probably also loves to watch romance related things especially if its wlw. Tenko is definitely loyal to ones she holds close to her heart and would do just about anything for them to keep them happy and on their feet. Tenko would probably be outside a lot like you are and likes to be pretty active thanks to her ultimate.

Gundham Takana

Lastly I thought of Gundham Tanaka, Gundham can be pretty talkative when she chooses to be or if it's the right person like when he started to grow closer to Sonia. When he did he pretty much invested all of his time into her and probably let her hold and pet his little hamsters! And of course made sure she was doing alright. Gundham loves animals of course, just like you do. He can be pretty judgemental of who he spends his time with and doesn't like people to pity him and doesn't take it awfully well and could be little more cruel or aggressive towards that person. He probably doesn't like to be seen as weak either. Gundham probably likes to listen to and or watch drama related things! Though he may not participate in it or put his input in he's definitely a listener and keeps up with it. He also probably isn't a fan of unnecessary drama though. He may also have a tiiiny soft spot for romance related things. Probably animal related if I'm being honest here. He probably doesn't take embarrassment awfully well and tried to cover it up with his more bold attitude. He definitely cares about others feelings and would like to help if he could especially if it involves a missing animal even if he may not show he does care. He probably doesn't have a consistent sleep schedule and whenever he does fall asleep it just ends out working for him.

I hope you're satisfied with your results! This was definitely enough for me so it was no problem!