#i am choosing to see the blorbo in this situation

[tiredandoptimistic]

Me when the stabbing pain in one of my eyes continues for multiple days: oh my god, just like Stanford Pines!

[ilgaksu]

i will now be referring to this situation as weimargate, because i must laugh or i will dissolve into the void.

aka i have had a VERY weird experience of it in fandom lately, and it has escalated to memes in lieu of interpretative dance*, but also i want to talk about it because i think, in more general terms, it's relevant for discussion about how fandom is evolving.

(*as illustrated by @difeisheng because i am personally intimidated by photoshop. interpretative dance would've only had me to blame.)

so. hi! if you don't know me, i am an ao3 writer who goes by the pen name ilgaksu. i have 179 fics on my ao3 account, and of those, 46 of these are for DMBJ or grave robber's chronicles. i've been writing in this fandom for roughly three years, which means according to the laws of mathematics and my own inability to stop posting about my favourite blorbos, that's a new fic every 3.39 weeks. i have not counted chapter updates in this count, but given several have multiple chapters, i think we can see there's....a lot. one ongoing series is currently sitting at about 200k, word-count wise. i like to write, overall, about disability, reclamation, legacy and memory. i also overuse semi-colons.

i am also a very private person at this point in my fandom career. this will be the first post i've made in a while talking about myself where i have allowed there to be reblogs on it. this isn't intended as an affront to anyone else in fandom. my ask box is open, sans anon, and in the last few years, i chose to reply to every comment i could to make sure i still get to engage about the characters i love without compromising my own desire for privacy about my personal life. i choose to work under an explicit persona - because we all do on the internet but i have made mine obvious and enunciated and almost a brand - because i think there is something freeing about allowing myself that experience. it's allowed me to write work that i relate to deeply without having to divulge my life to be analysed by strangers on the internet. generally, i like to post my silly little stories, talk to people about them, and then go about my day offline.

anyway, so this week, i seriously considered walking away wholesale from my current fandom, and i'd actually like to talk about why, and talk about me as a person as opposed to the narrative of persona that i've crafted.

because the reality of a persona is that a real, living person is required to animate it. if i am the person who is small and human and anxious to even speak about this, then i am also the reason the operation is running. it's a one-man show. as much as i want my work to speak for itself without my need to justify its meaning or worth, without my experiences, research and choices about my time, the work would not exist. that's just fact. it's fact for every writer and artist and podficcer and person who labours out of love you see. i also deliberately consider myself a writer as opposed to a content creator, because i believe that label mimics a wider culture i have no interest in - that of someone creating a consumable, ownable object. my fanfiction is a hobby. it cannot be owned by other people. unlike my original work, where it can be bought, there is no formal, explicit contract between me and the reader. there is, however, in fandom, an implicit social contract of equality and collaboration, where we are all equals. i am fundamentally no better than someone who never writes fic and never wants to and never will. i reject the idea of superiority among fans because i do not engage in subculture to mimic the dominant culture, the one that tells me stories are something only certain people are allowed to see themselves in, or even tell to others; that production is the only means of social capital and intrinsic worth.

i am aware, also, that by being private the way i am, i end up sacrificing some experiences that i could have by being more accessible, but i want to reiterate that i have never gone out of my way to conceal my tumblr, nor ignored people who contacted me directly to talk about my fic. in fact, if you show up to talk about my fic, i will probably be so thrilled i'll never let you leave - especially since, when it comes to a majority of it - i spend a lot of time on research, something i enjoy, and deliberately cite my research in the notes because i want to share it as part of the experience of my writing. clearly, i want ideas i have come up with to be enjoyed and loved and shared, because otherwise why would i take the risk of putting them out online, where i then cannot control how they're received or transformed?

however, since about a year ago, i've maintained a policy of works based on my own that i've had outlined clearly in my profile on ao3 here:

as someone who is playing in someone else's sandbox for free myself, my only request is if when you use an idea, usually a headcanon, which is one i created, which you can as much and in whatever way you want because that is the nature of collaborative fandom and the reason i love it so much, you cite that i was the originator of the idea. and secondly, that you let me know. this is a personal request based on how writing can be a very lonely project, even in fandom. you put your work out into the world, with no sense of who it will reach and if it will mean anything to them, and you have to work on the faith that even if it doesn't, the work itself was worthwhile. but you hope it will, because everyone hopes it will.

all of this is outlining so it's understandable to people that read this how i was completely off my face bewildered when i found out a headcanon of mine had reached the level of fanon popularity where it's been mistaken for canon, and has been for over a year at the very least, and i had literally no idea this had happened.

which, frankly, was both hilarious, in a very bizarre way, and completely, deeply sucked.

i know this is my idea because of how distinctive it is, and how much it contravenes canon - namely, that a character, hei xiazi, was a medical student in berlin during the weimar republic. i know it's mine because the timeline with the canon we're told by the actual writer of the source material doesn't match up, which i was aware of and chose to retcon. it was designed and fitted to a personal interpretation of canon material i had been working on for years, and involved a lot of time and research and intense love for the era, the character, and the ways a story about being alone in a foreign country had intertwined with my own personal life. ever since i wrote it, i assumed that the one or two people who had used it with credit were the only ones who had, and because they had honoured my request i was honestly completely thrilled. i still am that those fics exist. that's because it was collaborative.

i want to be clear: nothing about the situation as it stands has been collaborative. a writer being the last to know about the commonality of their own idea in a small fandom is not collaborative. and while it might not bother everyone, it's bothered me to the point i've had serious consideration for several days about whether i should walk away from the fandom.

but ilgaksu, surely you should be flattered that people liked the idea so much?

yes. this was never about the use of the idea. it's about the way this idea has been isolated and used with an assumption that i would have no interest in knowing, or that i would even need to know. i'm not sure what has caused this - whether the persona element of my work has led people to believe i would not have any emotions about finding this out, but i am not, actually, a persona. i am the person who uses it. and as the person who uses it, this is how it felt to find this out. it felt, and still feels uncomfortable, hurtful and isolating to find out your idea has been so beloved but that nobody considered whether you would like to know. it feels like the collaborative element of fandom has been severed from you, specifically, and that your fanwork has been treated as entirely other from you as a fan. i hope nobody else making work feels like this, and i've been told this situation is so strange as to ensure that's hopefully not the case, but i think this is an ongoing issue more widely - the idea that writers are separate from fan culture, and their works are products as opposed to the shared results of a hobby.

do i think this was deliberate? not at all. do i think this was intended to be hurtful? not even in the slightest. but i want to be clear how personal this feels.

i don't have an answer for this situation. the cat is out of the bag, ilgaksu knows about the fanon, and hei xiazi is, despite all canon, going to medical school in 1920s germany. expressing my discomfort with how this has gone down feels important to me anyway, and it's also important to me that i do it in this very detailed way so that people who were unaware do not feel personally at fault, or feel like by me expressing this i am taking this idea back from them. i always wanted this idea to be loved and to be shared.

i also always hoped this idea would find people who wanted and needed a story about someone a long way from home following an ambition, and how much fear and hope and desire goes into the decision to do something like that, and what it means to be a disabled person in a foreign country, and what it means to be queer in a foreign country, and overall what it means to be a stranger in a strange land. i want to be clear that while i wrote this for me, i also wrote it for everyone who has also lived that. i want my work to feel like someone is holding your hand, not that they're at a distance and disregarding you, the reader, and the relationship we have together during the time you read my work.

i hope in future that if you use my headcanons and are aware of that being the case, you let me know. i don't have to read the work itself if you find that intimidating. i will not go out of my way to find it. whatever you've done with the idea, i will fundamentally see it as a compliment and evidence of an exchange between us as a fandom. but i want to know because otherwise, all i see is you taking something i loved and wanted to share and enjoying it with a door firmly shut between us. i am too old to care if i'm not invited to a party, but if the party is themed around a concept i put so much thought and love - for the source material, the people who were going to read it and myself - i can't help but care. it's hard to feel like a vending machine, even if the process of making the fic is so joyful for me that i won't stop until the joy is gone. it hasn't gone yet, but this week it's been dented a bit.

anyway - if you got to the end of this, thank you. please be considerate of how much this has taken for me to express, regardless of your own feelings on it, and how unusual it is for me to make a post that is able to be shared. if you use the idea in future, you do so with my blessing, which was always there. if you want primary sources, places to start, or anything like that - fashion, language, visuals - i want to be clear you can ask me and i will be beyond thrilled to help. i always have been and i'm concerned that because of this that hasn't been clear. but i also feel like if i don't state this experience in this way at this time, and how it was experienced by me, odds are i will now forever look over my shoulder and wonder if this will happen again, and i love writing for this fandom so much that i will not allow something like that to dim that love. i know you love these characters so much too - it's why you're here. i actually used to make a lot more meta posts like this, about fan culture, and i've been considering if i will again - just less personal and less anxiety-inducing to post next time. until and beyond then, i just hope we can all consider things like this in future - that i can treat you with the same grace - and understand the pressures and anxieties of writers in fandom at this point in time especially. a lot of us have hearts far more made of glass about the things we love, like our work, than can be immediately apparent.

anyway, i'm going back into hiding now.

your friendly local cryptid fanwriter,

ao3 user ilgaksu <3

[yellowhollyhock]

there is much to love about the tmnt fandom and I have to say one of the things I love the most, is when you meet somebody who has A Favorite and you get to learn about the character through their eyes

Like, my favorite is Donny, I knew it in the first episode, he is my classic blorbo type. And when we're talking 03 which is where I started, he's two of my classic blorbo types: obsessive genius and absolute sweetheart

So when I watch, while I love them all, I'm much more likely to notice his interactions a lot more and fixate on every slightest hint of what's going on in his head while Plot happens

And it's just indescribably delightful to like, I guess kind of have the other povs filled in?

For example I adore Mikey, they're so gender and so silly and SO full of love and self-doubt and insane levels of courage and entirely too much trust. Fascinating and multi-faceted and talented and the type of person I would admire in real life. But I'm never going to See Mikey the way someone who is as obsessed with him as I am with Don can, y'know? I love seeing fics and art that Show Him. Like there's so many angst fics? Not what I would have expected and it's so cool. Like. It fits for him in such a beautiful heartbreaking way

And Raph is extremely close with Donny for my fave spot, I love the different takes on him throughout iterations, I Adore him in 03. Early on my sister and I would laugh because I kept saying Donny was my fave and then going on and on about Raph. Here's the thing though: I see Raph from Donny's pov in a lot of ways. If you're watching 03 obsessively watching Donny, you're going to notice that Raph is always so so gentle and encouraging and protective. So in my head a lot of the time Raph is this Super Chill Guy who is filled to the brim with love and has never done anything wrong in his life and is capable of literally anything (which is how Donny sees him, according to what I made up in my head)

And I think it's partially for that reason that a lot of my close tmnt friends are big Raph lovers, and that's kind of what made me think of this initially because hearing about him from their pov is so enriching. Because he is actually a very flawed character and that's what's great about him! He's a teenager and so much happens and he's trying to process and he doesn't always choose the healthiest way and that is such a relatable experience. And that's also caused me to obsess Even More over the Brains and Brawn dynamic because. They make opposite bad decisions that sometimes cycle back into being the same bad decisions and they're so nonjudgmental towards each other about it and have such admiration for each other's strengths

I got on a bit of a tangent. Point: I was obsessing over Raph a lot but it's been so delightful to have friends who obsess over him More because they see him in ways that I can't from this angle

And Leo it's really similar but kinda flipped, like I love Leo for himself, but when I'm watching I'm mostly noticing two main traits, his patience, and also his social anxiety because! hnnn I don't know how to explain it. Like he takes longer to warm up to April which I'm Noticing because Donny warmed up to her Immediately and so I was watching for the others, you know? Or how he gets anxious during phone calls, either passing them off to someone else or taking them from someone else because he needs to feel in control because it's a high stress situation.

Anyway the more I get to know people who really deeply love Leo, the more I'm also seeing this indestructible older brother which I had mostly seen in Raph. (Which is also a whole other post because to me, Donny admires Raph and worries about Leo while Mikey admires Leo and worries about Raph)

And side characters! There are so many excellent side characters that are only in a few episodes and seeing fanwork that thoughtfully develops them in a way that's true to what we've seen but so much more? That's where it's at! I can't start listing them I'll never stop ahdhakshag no but I do have to say. Lotus Blossom!

I can go on forever but there's just nothing else like learning about a character from the people who love them probably even more than the creators, y'know?

[piss-love-and-understanding]

i was asked to answer as many of these questions as are applicable to me, which seems a great way to take my mind off election day stress, so here we go!

What do you enjoy the most about omorashi & pee desperation? It's About The Vulnerability. a grown man reduced to childlike behavior by his body's needs, all composure lost in the fight to contain himself, only for it to end in soaked humiliation? perfect, beautiful, delicious, i'll take twelve

What do you like to see in the aftermath of an accident? CRYING. blushing is also good. embarrassment in general.

What kink pairs best with omorashi or pee desperation for you? ageplay! it makes me a little sad that i seem to be in a minority as someone who loves omo and ageplay but not diapers. ideally i want the little to be roleplaying as somewhere between the ages of 5 and 10--too old for diapers, and therefore old enought to be properly embarrassed at having an accident.

Do you prefer being desperate to pee, or seeing others desperate? seeing others desperate, no question. my own bladder is an annoyance at best.

Have you ever made someone else wet themselves? yes! it was extremely fun and i want to do it lots more.

Do you prefer when people groan from relief, or whimper from embarrassment? whimper from embarrassment!

Do you like tiny leaks, big gushing leaks, or no leaking at all? leaks of any size are hot. no leaking followed by everything coming out at once is also hot. basically if the pants are wet i am happy

Do you prefer more extreme desperation with a 'just made it' ending, or mild desperation with wetting? wetting is preferable to making it, always.

Are there any words or phrases in omo that get you weak at the knees? "i wet my pants" is my absolute favorite. "i can't hold it" and "i'm not gonna make it" and "too late" are also extremely good.

Name an under-appreciated omorashi trope. as mentioned above, omo combined with ageplay without the addition of diapers is something i would like to see a lot more of.

Name a kink you’re on the fence about, and explain why. potty training. it doesn't not appeal to me, but since i love wet pants so much, it's not my go-to fantasy. it's got definite possibilities, though--like, telling a sub they haven't earned the use of the grown-up toilet, so they have to go in the potty chair if they want to go at all, and then seeing if they choose to debase themself by doing that, or by holding it until they wet their pants.

What’s something you fantasize about, but would hate in real life? i often fantasize about entirely taking away someone's toilet privileges, but in real life, solid waste (which is not my kink) would be an issue. (my fantasies have science-fictional workarounds for this.) i also like to imagine making guys wet themselves in public indoor settings, but that's something i wouldn't want to inflict on service workers.

What type of porn does the world need more of? men in clothes with openings at the butt wetting themselves while getting fucked from behind, please.

What omo trope do you know is cliche or unrealistic, but you love anyway? i love contrived setups for situational omo. yes girl, give me a convoluted sequence of events concocted for the sole purpose of making blorbo wet his pants

What's something you only see in animated porn or fictional erotica that you wish was possible in real life? i love the thing in omo art of visual gauges representing how bad someone has to go. the psychological element of desperation intrigues me, and i wish i had a kind of telepathy for this specific purpose alone.

How do you feel about fear wetting? i've been known to go gaga for it in fiction (hello, otacon) but the problem is it often comes out of nowhere with no desperation buildup. if we do get some desperation beforehand, then fuck yeah.

How do you feel about bed-wetting? again, often no desperation buildup, especially if the wetter is asleep when it happens--although the embarrassment when they wake up can still be quite good. if they're awake, though--like, say, if a sub woke me up in the middle of the night to ask for permission to go pee, and i didn't give it to him, and kept him pinned to the mattress until he peed all over both of us? now we're talking.

How do you feel about bathroom schedules or needing permission to pee? pretty much my favorite way to engage with this kink as a dom, especially the needing permission.

Do you like watersports/golden showers? i'd be lying if i said i hadn't thought about it, but it's not my go-to. i'd be willing to give it a try if a sub really wanted it.

What is the wildest pee fantasy you ever had that actually came true? well, as i said, i've made people wet themselves. which is not all that wild, i suppose, but that alone was something i once thought i'd never do. getting comfortable with the fact that i am Into This was a whole process, from "this is ONLY something i fantasize about" to "okay maybe i want to try it in real life" to "i would do this literally all of the time if i could," but now that i'm here, where i can not only talk to people about this but even sometimes get them to play with me, i gotta say it's pretty awesome, and i never take it for granted. life gets way more fun when you unlearn shame.

Name one pee-related turn-on and one turn-off you have. turn-on: when they won't shut up about how bad they have to go. turn-off: manly expressions of rage.

Dramatic pee dance, or denying their desperation? DRAMATIC PEE DANCE yes please always

Jeans wetting or skirt wetting? jeannnnsssss

Athletic uniform or business uniform? business uniform. in my day-to-day life, i emphatically Don't Sports, so i don't like to go there in my fantasy life either, even though i've thought on multiple occasions that it would make a great fantasy setting, what with the potential for public humiliation and locker room tenderness. if i were gonna go there, i think i'd go with baseball. those cute little uniforms are just begging to get peed in. ANYWAY, i have a particular fondness for business casual--khakis just don't hide anything--but a suit is also super fun, what with all the additional clothing items that can get wet.

Naked holding or cozy casual holding? i will take any clothing over none. naked omo is pointless to me

Do you pee in the shower? yes. fun fact, i used to be physically unable to pee unless my ass was touching a toilet seat, but then when i was twentysomething i strategically trained myself out of that, so now i ritualistically pee in the shower because i can. and then when i was unhoused i got really good at peeing outside. last hurdle: mastering an stp device

Do you pee in the water when you go swimming? ...oh yeah, and i still can't seem to pee while submerged

Do you or would you pee in front of a date or partner? yeah, assuming my bladder cooperated. i've done it in front of my current primary

Whats your safe-word? i use the stoplight system. if it ain't broke don't fix it

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Thoughts - Dracula Daily - August 24

In which Mina and Jonathan are reunited at last!!!

Even if Lucy wasn’t eager to hear everything (and I’m sure she is) I am!!! Tell me everything bestie!!!

The way Mina can *immediately* see the toll Dracula has taken on Jonathan…. :(

That being said, I love that Mina knows Jonathan remembers more than he lets on, that he’s keeping it from her in part to protect her and in part to protect himself. Again, she’s so smart!

Sister Agatha is the ultimate shipper for this couple: “hey girl I can’t tell you what he’s been through *but* he didn’t cheat :)” QUEEN 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Mina: “as if I would be jealous! That’s silly. But also thank you that helps”

I really do feel like Jonathan’s head spinning is due to something more than just it being overwhelming for him…leftover influence from Dracula, perhaps?

I love that he trusts her enough to let her read the book if she wants to — this is one of my favorite parts of their romance <3333333

Plus he even puts a caveat in place for her to tell him what’s in it even though he refuses to talk about it right now!!! I don’t know why that part sticks with me, but it does :)

My blorbos got married!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 congrats to them 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Him being firm and strong in his words while he’s weak physically while she’s almost unable to speak from crying and is ok physically! I love the contrast of this 😭😭😭😭😭

“oh, Lucy, it is the first time I have written the words 'my husband'” — I seem to recall a certain diary entry that says otherwise, but I think she means the first time she’s written this with Jonathan as her husband. I refuse to believe Mina hasn’t written “my husband” about Jonathan several times in her diary margins :D

And now my *other* favorite part of this entry — the wedding present. Mina “returning” the notebook to Jonathan and sealing it with wax and her wedding ring is so 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 AHHHHH! I just love it because it’s a sign of trust for them!!!! She’s letting him know she won’t open it without him knowing about it (something he likely was worried about, but didn’t show for her sake). Plus, she promises not to open it unless she absolutely has to, despite her obvious curiosity (she is studying journalism, after all and the situation does involve 💕her husband💕)

The fact he was going to even tell her a part of his past just to show her how much he appreciated the present (but couldn’t)…DRACULA WHEN I CATCH YOU—

Emotions aside, I wonder what he was going to share with her? Shaving mirror incident? The lizard climb down the castle? Something more dark? I feel like he would’ve shared something medium bad — not too horrifying, but bad enough to justify a shock. It’s pretty bad that I can’t obviously guess which incident he could share because there are *so* many to choose from here :(

Their pledge sealed with a kiss 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

HER PARAGRAPH TO LUCY IS UNBELIEVABLY SAD. NO I WILL NOT EXPLAIN

Speaking of Lucy…

Wanting to write everything down to be closer to Mina :(((((

Yeah something is still very wrong here. Lucy shouldn’t be having dreams or feeling worn out!

Arthur is sad too :(((( he knows something is wrong with Lucy! She’s usually so cheerful and in this short diary entry, she just seems…depressed

I’m sorry Mina can’t be there to keep you safe Lucy 😭😭😭 and I don’t know how much help your mom can be…

[starlightrows]

Final thoughts on The Bad Batch Finale

I’ll cut to the chase here and be honest. I am not mad about it, in fact I’m over all pretty content with this ending.

Are there unanswered questions? Yeah.

Are there loose ends? Yeah

But to be completely honest, after a while with this show, I lost a lot of real attachment to it. I stopped caring so much about how it would all shake out. And it improved my viewing experience immensely.

But I’ll still share some specific thoughts.

What I wish had been tied up

• I realize they can’t show it, because it’s a kids show. But I hope one or some of them hunted down Cid and killed her. She sold them out. Twice. I can’t fucking stand betrayers and backstabbers.

• A little bit more explanation on Omega’s M Count and how it actually affects her (who knows, we might find out later. Maybe she’ll meet Kanan Jarrus later in the rebellion!)

• What happened to Cody? Listen, I’m not really part of the Cody fandom space. But I love and support you guys, and I think you guys deserve to know what happened to your blorbo!

• Was Tech one of the winter soldier-esk operatives? To me it felt a little odd that they didn’t confirm or deny it either way. And it sort of doesn’t matter. If he was, there wasn’t going to be a way to save him and they would have had to kill him while looking at his face. If he wasn’t then he died to save them. He died a hero and they can mourn and remember him.

Most of these things, we might be able to get answers or closure to later in a future project. Fingers crossed.

Here are the things that I loved

• Omega has grown so much. We can see it in how she approaches situations and views the world. You can see little reflections of all of her brothers in how she behaves without them. And that is a beautiful thing.

• The batch has grown a lot too. They of course want to protect her, their little big sister. But they also trust her immensely. They taught her how to lead, how to think tactically, how to protect herself and others. The taught her to be a soldier.

• Nala Se knew she would not leave the base alive. And so did Omega. They both understood the importance of ensuring the empire lost all possibility of using that data. Nala Se also got to avenge her city and her people by taking Rampart with her.

• Omega leaving to join the rebellion means everything to me. She grew into an amazing young woman. She was raised by soldiers. Soldiers that didn’t choose to be part of a war. But she got to choose. She chose to become a soldier on her own to free the galaxy of its tyrannical government. There is nothing more Star Wars than that to me.

[heph]

Hey, I remember you mentioning on your IG something about two types of popular artists and one being good at social media and the other being good at art or something like that (I can't really remember lol). But it got me thinking, any tips for how to be good at social media? Cuz I'm certainly not even after posting art for six years lol

Heya!

What I meant by that is that there are traits that allow you to grow on social media, and traits that determine what a highly skilled artist is, and those traits do not always necessarily overlap.

I've seen so many amazing artists that post artwork that blow my head off, and yet they don't have many likes. On the other hand, some artists at the same skill level who draw more popular things will get way more attention.

That is not to say that either is the correct way to create art, but there is definitely a formula to social media that is in play.

There are a lot of posts about how to grow a social media account, particularly on TikTok, YouTube and Instagram art spheres, and imo you really need to examine what you want from your art before jumping into social media mode

The stuff you create to pander to social media might not be art that you want to create at all - I'm lucky, because I am less artist more storyteller, and what I enjoy is telling jokes and silly stories to liven up people's moods :] this, of course, conveniently does well on social media. On a personal note, I have a history of being a recluse and not connecting well with people, and art is my way of trying to communicate my feelings, one way or another.

So of course, if you draw for any reason other than my own, my approach to art and it's relation to social media might be inappropriate for you.

All that being said, if u take a look at those "get big on social media" videos they always cite the same few points... And you can look into that, for sure, but this video sums up how I feel about all that.

I spent like 20 minutes drafting words after the above paragraph, but I really ended up regurgitating sentiments from the video... So really don't listen to me, listen to that video

EDIT:

I just realised I didnt actually answer the question with my anecdotal experience, so here's a list of things I did

1. Posted like 3 doodles a day on social media

I did this for 6 months on a side account on Twitter recently and got the account to 11k followers... And I did this for 3 months on Instagram a few years ago and I think got 3.5k followers. Of course, do not spam maliciously and make sure your art is still of good quality, but for those artworks I posted quickly, I did not colour, and mostly did clean sketches. This also trains you in the matter of line confidence haha. Again, this worked for me because of my set of circumstances (love for the media, want to tell stories, simple art style)

2. Focus on my favourite aspects of media

This helps with respect to burnout - kinda hard to burnout when you love what you're making! For me, it's character interactions and comics. I want to see my blorbos kiss and if I'm not the one drawing it who will?!

3. Interact with people

People eat up work that they can interact with. A choose your own story situation, one of those like/rt to strip a character 😭 those do numbers for a reason.

Additionally, if you post stuff people love, people will respond to it with comments, maybe their own headcanons, adding on to the work... I've gone into long looong Twitter thread conversations with people who added onto my ideas that I threw up onto the screen and I think it's also a nice thing to do to respond to positive comments haha... I'm not very good at this (read: bad at communication)

I think that's the key points... Hope this helps!

[hansfallada]

also. having finally watched all episodes of lost means i can start reading fanfiction without accidentally stumbling upon spoilers. i hope there'll be a lot to choose from, but considering that the tv show used to be a Big Event, i am hopeful. these are my blorbos now and i need to see them be put in situations thanks and amen

[1tsjusty0u]

hehe...

revali, ezlo, canon botw link, siffrin, asriel and odile for blorbo bingo :]

INTERESTING SELECTION..!!

hes both a really funny character but also genuinely well written and the way the writers tried? to resolve his whole thing sucks to me honestly. its not/shouldnt be about having revali accept link as the hero/link needing to prove himself on some scale its about revali needing to prove himself to well, himself. + the layers of. whatever him and links dynamic is. the fandom just treats him either as a mean-spirited loser/someone unjustly needing link to prove himself/just mean in general, or just a plain loser which to be fair he Is a loser but he has Multitudes!!! i never see the more serious aspects of his character- his character is portrayed as serious Sometimes but its not in relation to himself if that makes sense? also with the loser depiction they make it like. a central character trait? i dont know how to describe it its like. they either make him dumber than he actually is for comedy or something? or it ties into the mean thing. also theres this

EZLO!!!! funny old man!!! i like the hat aspect and how he was originally a minish and accidentally helped? vaati. its just unfortunately i dont think about him much </3

haha. hahahHhaahshHEHYAHSDHSAHAHAHAHAHAHHA AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAGHA oguh ok im normal now 👍anyways. god ok so, i should explain that most of the above? applies Specifically to pre-calamity canon link. post-calamity does have Some brainrot but it has much less of a grip on me. also i actually know Why im brainrotted to him specifically however thats a secret for now! anyways its. specifically its the way he constantly masks/his dynamics with everyone else not really fitting in, how instead of taking the role he may or may not have been forced into with stride he actively struggles with it and the impact it has on how people view him and how he views himself. on this level i like to completely ignore certain aspects of canon + aoc because it feels like the writers genuinely try to make him the Perfect Awesome Hero + trying to make everything he does revolve around zelda instead of being. A Character. and on this level as well the fandom interpretations...,,,,,, so for pre cal they . not never its 90% of the time they dont get it right they genuinely make him the perfect awesome hero and actually lives to serve zelda/make him just. gross?? like deep voice oOoo suave perfect always sweeping the floor but still has those secret juicy problems its. sighs gang chat even cmon. ITS LIKE THE .

THIS ^ WHY DO THEY DO THIS. as for the 10% rest of interpretations its hard to describe as there isnt actually much of a common thread between them, in the end though it still isnt truly On Point. its possible im picky which yes i am but in the end it always feels like theres an aspect of the above image in his character in fanfics intentional or not, and they never seem to. critique it in a way? which completely fair you never have to center on something/mention it but its just. gestures wildly. sighs. as for post calamity i also dont like most of the interpretations but also its so much less worse. the only one that i think is Truly Honestly incorrect is link wanting/choosing to stay/follow zelda after freeing her, having it portrayed as he always didnt mind/even liked it. it just puts him into the same situation he was before/feels less like an actual genuine choice and more along the lines of it being chosen for him + once again revolving around zelda entirely rather than having his own thoughts and feelings no matter how 'wrong' or 'bad'.

OGUH ALRIGHT SO. ok so. for context; start again a prologue and in stars and time are two different games with two different siffrins per say- i think about them each differently (its like theyre aus of each other) and . theres a Reason for that, both meta(?)ly/personally and also. theres a reason in isat however thats the most major possible spoilers you can conceive of thats easily missable so. for the purposes of today, im guessing you mean isat siffrin!!! because there is a difference. ANYWAYS. this ones complicated for me personally because i genuinely Used to be brainrotted about them + i liked them a ton (personal reasons and also catharsis). once isat came out though, it . actually cured my brainrot </3 . theres new(ish) themes and character dynamics/thoughts and while i Can see the appeal for other people, for me personally i just have no attachment im so sorry.

ASRIEL!!!!!!!! THIS ONE IS ALSO COMPLICATED depending on if you think flowey and him are separate enough to be different characters. and. fun fact i genuinely like him a Lot More as flowey rather than "asriel" in a sense really just because of the true pacifist ending dialogue. he feels way too nice to me almost uwu in a way but also that isnt the entirety of his character gestures to the asriel boss fight and his dialogue as flowey. its. god ok its the way he was trying to hang on to anything he had left. asgore made him feel nothing toriel made him feel nothing (constantly watching her look for another human to take care of, another child to replace him until she finally forgets about him even though hes still there hes still here!! while toriel sees asriel and chara in every human that falls down and if they die shes failed asriel again,) papyrus mightve helped for a bit but like everyone else eventually apathy comes to settle in letting him feel nothing once again, alphys couldnt help him no one could help him hes seen these halls 100 times constantly daily and he wants to get out he cant be this anymore he wants to feel something!! anything!! he tried to die and he Did, deciding it wasnt worth it to live anymore, then discovering he could reset and load. he wanted what he had back, he wanted the ability to not be bored constantly to not know what comes next to feel something. chara is both the One Person who had yet to (unintentionally) "fail" flowey and the one person tied to his past who understands him. thats his sibling!!! toriel failed asgore failed the only person left is chara, and they cant fail. he remembers having so much fun with them!! he misses them because of the above and also because he has no one else. when he turns into asriel for lack of a better descriptor he's able to see things more clearly, recognizing that chara wasnt the bestest person ever and latching on to them as a solution was a choice made in anguish. in the genocide route he mentions that he had plans to do things on the surface with the souls but he says with chara around he wouldnt really mind/kind of drop his plans because chara is here!!! they can have fun again!!! theyre the only one who knows and understands what humans are truly like, what its like to be impaled by arrows (toriel caring for the next human child, forgetting about him) turning to dust and dying. they understand. they have to! also i should note i also love chara dearly and anyone who thinks theyre "evil" can die by my blade. anyways. hi . for the misinterpretations thing i think everyone mostly gets it right honestly i think people just tend to make him more "good" gestures to the uwu nice thing. OH and they also consider asriel to be the better flowey in a sense? like liking asriel for asriel but liking flowey for asriel rather than flowey. here just watch this for me ok. please i love you aromantism

LASTLY ODILE!!! i do like how shes the one to constantly sus out siffrin + having her own issues of family and belonging and having her own goal. + old lady win. that being said i also do not think about her a lot i am sorry. shes neat just not for me.

[clare-with-no-i]

you've said before that you don't want to try converting theogony into a published book, would you mind explaining why? just curious! thanks :)

I mean — sure! the short answer is that it was written to be a fic, and I don’t think it’s up to snuff to be published at all. I mean I don’t think I write at publishing level in general but that’s another discussion lmao (and I don’t say that to be self critical it’s just true! I am a hobby writer who writes hobbily! I don't really spend as much time honing my writing!)

more under the cut!

to elaborate on that, though: I think, personally, that there’s an inherent tension between what a good fic and what a good traditionally published novel are supposed to accomplish. fic is supposed to harken back — in however abstract a manner the writer chooses — to a canon concept or subject. if your main characters are unrecognizable (read: your own intellectual property), then it’s probably not great fic. there is a point of reference for creating the characters and setting that puts constraints on the ability to be original.

there’s also so much shorthand that goes into writing fic that could potentially leave narrative and world-building gaps in an original novel. and this is absolutely rampant in theogony lol. for instance, I make very passive mention to Petunia and Lily’s strained relationship, and it ends up being a significant factor in Lily’s final decision in the story, but I don’t take time to dissect exactly what happened, because I don’t need to. everyone who reads Jily generally has their own conceptualization of how Petunia and Lily’s relationship fell apart. I can just mention Petunia and/or Vernon and it evokes a relatively universal emotional reaction from the reader.

I think even intrinsically with James and Lily, I tend to be very liberal with how romantic they are with each other in my stories. even when they’re not together, I tend to make mention of one when writing the other. part of that is of course for fun of seeing people react to it, but part of it is also because (I tend to think) so much of fic consumption is predicated on not seeing them as individual characters, so much as a couple who the writer has temporarily split apart for the purpose of getting them back together. like, that’s the big emotional payoff of romance / couple-centric fic. there’s less narrative tension because we know in the end (or we should, if it’s tagged correctly lol) generally how the romance shapes up.

I think that also creates situations (for better or worse) where we as readers make excuses for our favorite characters because we come into the story already cherishing them, already knowing that they ‘get the girl’ so to speak. like I think it's very typical fic consumption behavior to give a pass to a character's bad behavior where you wouldn't in a published book because you've spent hours upon hours reading about how they're the most special perfect little blorbo of all time.

so, yeah! there’s the long, long answer haha.

now, to be ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY CLEAR: this does not apply to all fic!! some people write fic like it’s an original work and that is great!! some people are much better at avoiding shorthand and fleshing all of their characters out and I applaud them!!! and I am absolutely not saying that you can’t successfully convert a fic to a published book. that’s not what’s happening here. I just personally probably would avoid it FOR MY OWN STORIES because of the reasons listed above. I know a lot of people have done it before, quite well, and will continue to — and to that I say, hoorah! that is awesome!! this is all my own self-reflection.

thanks for the question!

[standfucker]

Requests are now open!

To celebrate my birthday month, requests will remain open for a few weeks or more, depending on how many asks I get. With that said, there are some rules to keep in mind

Rules

Be polite and courteous in your ask.

Please specify in your ask whether you want a drabble or headcanons. If you don’t specify, I will choose for myself.

Please specify in your ask the type of reader: AMAB or AFAB, and pronouns. If nothing is provided, I will default to a GN reader. 

Please specify whether you want a SFW or NSFW request.

I will not accept anonymous NSFW requests–they must be sent by a blog that’s over 18, with the age marked somewhere easy to spot.

Multiple requests are okay, but new people will be given priority (please don’t use anon to skirt around this–I do have work and life duties to see to as well!)

I will accept multiple-character requests, but with a limit of 5. Exceptions: when asking for general headcanons, it’s okay to request groups (E.G. “what are your headcanons for a free use situation with the Kid Pirates?”)

I will write for any character. If requesting multiple characters that don’t get along in canon (I.E. Vivi+Crocodile) I will not write for them together.

Characters must be of age (18) as of the time-skip for NSFW requests.

I maintain the right to refuse any request for any reason.

{This is not a rule, as it’s not required, but please–consider reblogging a request I’ve written for you. If you don’t reblog a completed request, I probably won’t write you a second one.}

I will not write the following kinks:

piss, scat, feet, hard vore, guro, A/B/O, intense humiliation, incest (step-incest is fine), age play (age gap is fine), lactation, pregnancy/breeding (creampie is fine).

-This list is not final, as I may discover something in a request that squicks me out. No judgment though.

Guidelines/Prompts/etc:

-Remember, specify whether you want a drabble or headcanon!

-Specify your reader and chosen blorbos!

-Specify whether you want a SFW or NSFW request.

-From there, you can think up a prompt on your own, or peruse the list to get some ideas. These are not required, but offered in case you’re having trouble thinking of a request. If you’re still struggling, feel free to throw a few kinks at me along with your preferred characters and I’ll figure it out from there, but being specific and detailed helps me out!

-I don’t mind a little or a lot of detail, but in the case the request is very open-ended and/or vague, I will fill in the blanks myself to my own discretion/preferences.

-Polyamory is okay.

-Dark content is okay.

-OCs are okay, but please link me to a description containing some information about them plus their personality. Same goes for self-ships–I need to know a bit about you before I can write you into anything.

-I will attempt to make these all consistent length, but no promises.

Preferred kinks/etc:

size difference, bondage, double penetration, anal, creampie, impact play/spanking, edging, age gap, roleplay, CNC, knifeplay, gunplay, biting, blood, threesomes/gangbang, group sex, free use, dubcon, noncon, power dynamics, toys, strap-ons, praise, light degradation, sex pollen/aphrodisiacs, drug use (weed only), monsterfucking (aka fish-men/mermaids/minks/giants/characters with monstrous features like Katakuri)

-I am open to writing other kinks, these are just what I personally like and will gravitate toward when choosing what to write for first. But I’m willing to try new things!

Prompts

(again, these are not required, just here for ideas!)

(SFW or NSFW):

-Reuniting after a long period apart -Scaring them (attempting to startle them just for giggles) -Scaring them (but they thought you were hurt) -Prank wars on the [insert ship name] -Having to teach them a new skill [what skill?] Or having them teach you a new skill. -One of you discovers the other’s secret identity -Starstruck: one of you is shocked to meet the other, who is in/famous. -Whump: one of you is comforted in the aftermath of a traumatic event [please specify] -Coffeeshop/Restaurant AU -Love confession [who confesses to whom? What were the circumstances?] -You stow away on [insert ship name]–and get discovered. [why did you stow away?] -Accidental Child Acquisition: one of you rescues a kid [insert character] and brings them back to the other for help -Monster AU: one of you is [insert monster] -Fake Dating: you have to pretend to date each other for whatever reason -Holiday Gathering: one of you brings the other to meet their loved ones, and is possibly overwhelmed by [insert family/found family/crew] -One of you stumbles upon the other one crying [what happened?] -One of you taunts the other one too many times, and the other decides to finally do something about it -Reader has [insert devil fruit] (fanmade ones are fine) -One of you discovers the other is secretly (or openly!) jealous -“You did all of this for me?” – One discovers the other has gone to great lengths for them -“YOU DID WHAT?!” – One of you does something risky. The other lets you know how they feel about it. -Your crewmates figure out your crush and try to help, with varying results. -Someone crosses one of you, and the other is not about to let it go. -“Let me do this, please.” – One of you insists on helping out despite the other’s protests. -“I’m not scared but if you are, you can hold my hand.” – One of you keeps finding any excuse they can to touch the other. -”I’ll keep you safe.” – One of you makes it clear to the other that they’ll always be protected, no matter what. -“I’m not going anywhere.” – One of you reassures the other.

Specifically NSFW prompts:

-Something embarrassing happens during sex -One (or both) of you accidentally discover that you’re really into a kink -“Just let me finish this [activity] and I swear I’ll go down on you until you cum at least three times.” -“You’re really good at that.” – One of you leaves the other a mess with how they’re treated. -They help you get over an ex by any means necessary. -“Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?”

Prompts sourced and adapted from lists made by @tropetember and @writinginstardust

[decepti-thots]

I wonder if age/generation has a lot of bearing on the decrease of fandom meta; like, the age of understood concepts/etiquette like “don’t like don’t read” or simply choosing not to interact w interpretations you don’t like aren’t really a thing anymore. People in general seem to have gotten way more aggro with conflicting ideas/interpretations and specific “fanon” tends to get established very decisively. Not to mention the larger internet culture has changed to be so, idk, personal? like sometimes i just see how younger people behave/interact on twitter or tiktok and they can be SO aggressive and eager to make someone out in the worst light possible, stuff like that, idk if this makes sense but yeah. culture changes, I guess

Oh, I have to disagree with you anon. "Don't like don't read" started because people had to be told that, told it often, told it frequently. The flamewars back in the day about things as innocuous as "who tops" were once legendary, after all. My experiences on LJ were full of constant drama, much of it nasty as fuuuuuck. Back in my day, making someone's beloved blorbo gay could get you death threats.

I don't think what has changed is any of that as much as the delivery mechanism. What did used to be easier, IME, was choosing how and where to interact to minimize unwanted contact with the people having those bad faith arguments, and the way those arguments were confined to static spaces once upon a time. Web 2.0 didn't make people act worse, but it did make sure that folks acting badly were algorithmically boosted on basically every platform. It's the reblog thing again, isn't it? A stupid take on a forum or a personal blog or even a community might get linked around (who else was there for fandom_wank, shout out), but it didn't get endlessly reproduced. I am wary of arguments fandom culture got "more toxic" in the abstract because I think it obfuscates the role that centralized platforms and especially the corporate idea of "user content" as something to be treated as a kind of resource to be exploited play in our current... situation? Twitter needs a main character to boost engagement to sell ads in a way that web 1.0 spaces just couldn't dream of. And the end result for everyone is that by design, avoiding the nobodies with rancid takes and ongoing drama is simply not possible now. No closed ecosystems. There's a reason the very common request for Tumblr to implement a "make this post unsearchable" function is unlikely to happen. (I'm still astonished they gave in on reblog controls, frankly.)

[limerental]

I recently got back into witcher brain rot but all the tags are filled with people saying how shit the show is and how Cavil leaving is the end times cause he was apprantly the only thing keeping together the entire story where he is present for like 30% of the time, And its legitimately making me question my sanity. Like im fine with being obsessed with media thats objectively shit, hell most of my favs are absolute trash, but like TWN isnt perfect by any means but its not that bad right? Has all my media literacy gone out the window? Am i wrong for thinking this show is objectively good to peak mid? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Yeah, it's a little goofy silly that it seems like so many folks have forgot concepts like

a) enjoying questionably good sometimes bad sometimes good media mostly for the community that can build up around that media (see: spn)

and b) not posting constant hate within the tags of the thing you now hate

Personally, I came to the Witcher universe through the show and came to enjoy several show-only elements of the universe, even though I enjoyed and prefer the story of the books. I wouldn't prefer a book accurate Dandelion or Fringilla or even Yennefer. I've gotten attached to the ways that TWN expanded or changed several character choices I disliked from the books.

Because frankly. The books are great! They're also occasionally the worst. They're not some literary marvel of the ages. They're good books! Entertaining! Have some deeply interesting characters and commentary and are very, darkly funny and are my favorite books, but there are sure as hell things I would change if I were to adapt them.

That's not to say I would adapt them anything close to the way TWN chose to lol but it's just a little absurd and telling to me that so, so many people seem deeply invested in a book series (or at least in the idea of their fave meathead actor liking a book series) that they rarely seem to have anything to say about except in the context of bashing the show

Anyway sorry, tangent lol personally I loathe the witcher netflix and also, I enjoy it dearly. I'll be as grouchy as anybody when they do some questionable shit to my book blorbos and situations, but I'll still be having a good time because I choose to.

The only thing that's really ruined my enjoyment of the fandom has been people with constant bad faith takes, zero media literacy, and people slurping at hcav's boots

[tiredassmage]

It's that time again - update rambles time kdfnalsdfnsd. The short version is, overall, I'm really pleased with this update, but there's... at least one thing missing that did sort of derail me in the end and I'll still need to go back and play it pubside on my Trooper, which I think I might enjoy slightly more for... cohesion of a story's sake, but that's. a) getting a bit into the actual ramble and b) getting my personal blorbo feelings involved which is absolutely what I do here but, let me do it in the right place, lmao.

Mechanically, this was. a really sweet update to me. There's lots of doing in progressing through the story part. The fights are engaging, the action is selling. It doesn't play like a bunch of run to checkpoint x, do y, hand in z, which is very nice. There's. actually a few things to consider. Comparing to 7.2 in Showdown, the action isn't just in the cutscenes this time - it's definitely there, too, I have plenty of nice action shots to add to the blasters out collection, lol - but it's also in the gameplay, at least from my take, so! I've really no complaints from a gameplay perspective thus far.

I haven't worked on any of the dailies or done the little follow up with Lane or whatnot yet because I sort of had my fill with the story for the day and I wanted to check out some of the lighting changes in other parts of the game, hehe! So, might run into other things later, but we'll see.

I also love seeing locations from earlier in the game making a comeback. The little hints here and there are enough to be exciting for me - though I see some people saying missed opportunity to do things with Jorgan and Corso and I will more than likely agree with that. I'd always be a sucker for more references.

Petra's really cool. I love her. Loved meeting her and working with her. As a local Imperial Agent enjoyer, I think it's only natural to say I do love the sneak and spy elements of this update, lol.

I got a lot of what I could've ever hoped to ask for out of this update. I'm just... missing the saboteur options? Which... really threw me at the end. There's at least a place or two that it felt exactly where those sort of options should've come up, but there's at least no directly labeled sight of them around, which is... jarring given Tyr's extensive history as a double agent for the Republic.

It's... a really tricky situation to deal with on Ord though, so that's. how I'm choosing to sort of interpret that one. There are some areas that felt a little too tight on strictly Imperial loyalty for how I typically play him, so it's. It's jarring, in short. One of my disappointment areas, I have to admit. I haven't done any of the dailies, but it looks like it'll end up being interpreted as Imperial support either way - which, fair, I'm playing an impside character, I know, but the lines were very clear on Ossus for where that saboteur option was involved and they even appeared on Manaan. I'm still hoping to see that storyline go somewhere even though there feels like there's a lot of moving parts on the board at the moment.

SO. With that said, onto my giggles and other miscellaneous references because it seems the last several story updates have thematically been reflective and reference-pockmarked for me, lol.

I cannot tell you the way I squealed with excitement to see these two in frame and actually doing something like cooperating.

And also the way I am, once again, haunted by being an Imperial Agent girlie. Because all I can think of in this is Double agent. Triple agent. Do you even know whose lies you're telling anymore?

Primarily, of course, my own feelings about blorbo who's been in the spy business for literally about half his lifetime and a double agent for maybe half of that - now he's going to balance being a double for the Republic with working with Sa'har? Ough. Tyr, babe. I hope you know what you're doing.

He wants to help her. He's wanted to from the start. Sa'har's I'm not sure I -want- to leave, speaking to that I'm not sure I can leave a job unfinished that Tyr is so, so painfully familiar with experiencing. Maybe he's got fleece over his eyes because of his own complicated feelings about working in unseen ways, but he does believe her.

ALSO THIS GIRL. NEARLY GIVIN ME A HEART ATTACK. GIRL I LIKED YOU DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT. Anyway. I love her. I love. Again, one of the most hilarious dialogue wheels you could give this man is I'm no traitor (lie, you've been once since you were in your late twenties, and you're like, what 46ish? It's been a long time since Hutta, agent) / I don't work with traitors (another lie, you're still kissing Theron Shan [Tyr. argues that doesn't count which is the only reason this is the option I went with] / and [Attack]

And then I won't be normal about him taking option 2 and dropping "I'd like to believe I've always been fighting for something greater."

I'm fine. I'm sure I'm fine. [Girl who is constantly plagued by the emotional agonies of maining a double agent.]

ANYWAY. Or perhaps also on that note. Krovos getting a little sharp about his misplaced priorities. Nothing comes of it. Yet. But it's enough to keep my brain stew going and bubbling about the weight of it all.

And it's just. so very Tyr to throw himself in the line of fire trying to keep people he meant to keep out of overcomplicating situations safe.

And I am, overall, just a sucker for the way this update brings it back to... I guess grass roots, you could say. Grounding the story in what's actually happening to places like Ord Mantell, brushing with some of the consequences on people in general - the Hidden Chain stealing supplies, possibly moving people, even, or at least their allies might be - sells the big story in the end, I think. Otherwise, the big, vague prophetic 'the fate of the galaxy sets on your shoulder' doesn't really settle as much. This might be what you're fighting for, or it might be what you're costing along the way. And I just like having that connective tissue that is 'they're here for supplies;' they're rebuilding and moving forward with plans after Ruhnuk, and Malgus's threat that all things will still unfold according to a plan is still lingering around.

[Also, Rass people. The flirts. wtf I love it. They're adorable.]

And I really am just. Such a hopeless sucker for scenes like this. A little slice of just being people in between all the galactic turmoil and heroics.

So, I've still got a fair amount of things to be chewing on! Once I'm through this last week of finals stuff, I'll expect I'll hop on TrooperTyr and go. redamage my emotions further and play it pubside and have a whole other whirlwind of emotions about how he handles it too dlfknsadlkf;sld. For now, time to pop some screenshots into the queue! ^.^

OH. ALSO. Kessing's Landing is fucking beautiful.

[quinloki]

Tell us about your self ship! 🥰

xD ha! Sure sure, I will.

Alas, as I am a complicated human, I have a few self-ships kind of mood dependent.

Primarily, and albeit newly, I have to say my front runner is Marco. I affectionately call him my retirement blorbo, but really what I mean by that is that he's the healthiest relationship option out of all the ones I self-ship with. He's stable, even headed, romantic, low key, experienced, and he's not a *bad* guy.

Also he's canonically just fucking ADORABLE with little kids, and that melts my heart pieces even though I have no desire for having kidlets in any situation.

Secondary is easily Eustass Kid - there's just a lot there. Found family vibes are crazy strong with the Kid Pirates, imo, it's like the exiles of the exiles stumbling into one another and finding solace in all their differences. It's dark, it's messy, it's rough, and it reeks of sex - and I like that. There's no apologies in the Kid Pirates for how they live, just that they LIVE, surviving in a world that wanted them dead even before they became pirates.

It's fierce, unapologetic, ugly and beautiful and I love it. I name Eustass, but honestly I see the whole ship a kind of conspiracy theory network of polycules and connections, and I'd be 100% okay with cuddle-piling and playing with pretty much everyone and anyone on the crew. But! It would be nice to be the Captain's "favorite" I'm ngl. (Ship's mascot, with my "height" xD if I'm being honest).

I also have self-ship ideas with Crocodile and Doflamingo... and maybe at the same time ^^;;; But! I mean, similarities between them aside, 1:1 would be very different. Crocodile strikes me as someone who wants to preserve what he adores as it is. Doffy wants to corrupt and manipulate and mold without breaking.

Caught between them Crocodile would be the one helping me preserve my sense of self, and Doffy would be pulling me into all manner of debauchery. I just feel like I could - and this is almost laughable - safely be evil with the two of them. Not even that I could BLAME them for it, so much as I could sink into things without losing who I was at my core.

Granted, me at my core would be horrified to be being mean, but if there's a way to be evil and kind, I'd sort it out xD

I think that's the big three for me - ones that I've given real deep thought to. I even have a self-sona? for the One Piece world, and at some point I want to write alternative isekai style stories where my existence in the world (as one Quill) changes the story - or not - based on what I choose to do.

Imagine a world where someone tells Crocodile the future >.> and he has time to plan around it.

[versegm]

OH FUCK I meant to send you a Director's Commentary thing when you reblogged it BUT I FORGOT anyway how about the deets on "And the Audience Clapped"? (If you're still in the mood)

For you? Always <3

The actual fic has a trigger warning for uh. Everything? The base premise of the fic is "Guda has incredibly disturbing intrusive thoughts and does not react well to them" so even if I don't think I'll get into details in my play by play, tw for thoughts of sexual violence, onscreen self-harm and suicide attempts, and overall blorbo from my show spiralling bad.

My primarily goal when writing this was "I want to see how fucking worse I can make Guda." But I'm a weenie I actually like bad endings so my secondary goal was "but I want it to end well."

I have absolutely no idea if I succeeded. I feel like I chickened out too much tbh (<- squicked out by sexual violence) and as for the ending I'm often told that what I qualify as a "good/okay ending" is often "fucking horrifying" to other people. Still I like the final result so that's everyone else's problem. This was however a nightmare to tag which is why I just went the "choose not to use archive warnings/fuck around and find out" route, because if I tagged everything it would be WAY too long.

Anyways. "What if the player was an outer god." I post about it a lot in a comedic tone over here. I wrote it as self indulgent porn somewhere else. But I really wanted to take it in a more... realistic? Direction I guess? What if things weren't automatically fine and ok because the story demanded it. What if it was in fact an incredibly distressing situation to be in. I don't like writing monsters are villains (not my vibe) but that does not mean the monster loving you & having good intentions should always be an instant smooth sailing. Which really means that Guda will be stuck in intrusive thoughts central for nearly 6k.

Now for a more specific play by play of the fic:

The problem with writing the POV character being possessed is that it is incredibly hard to showcase when "this is something normal from the character" vs "this is someone else speaking through the character" (doubly so when the character themself does not realize the possession is happening) So I was at times less than subtle about it. In case it wasn't clear, this is the player being worried about Guda, and Guda misinterpreting the feeling because "this is someone else's thought" is not typically the first conclusion people would draw. Anytime in the fic where you see Guda having conflicting emotions, or being confused about their own feelings, that was a case of player feelings interfering with their owns.

Outer gods are basically eldritch gods in Fate lore. As such I don't think they really have like. A body the way humans consider it. That's why the fics have various instances of weird fascination towards flesh and how it functions. From the perspective of a god, it'd be like suddenly figuring out how an ancient watch works.

When you're being possessed by someone who is 1) incredibly not fucking normal about your bestie and 2) does not know the difference between intimacy love and violence. Bottom text.

Also a lot of people initially assumed that I picked Castoria in this specific scenario because I, too, am not normal about her. And I mean. That is partially true (tho not to that extent lmao) but also Castoria IS canonically one of the closest people to Guda (& the most likely to realize that something is wrong.) It's not just "I'm having horrible thoughts about some random aquaintances" it's "I love this person with all my heart and I want to give them the world, but I can't even give myself to them because my existence is poison." So double the agony.

This was inspired by one specific scene from Mairimashita!Iruma-Kun, available on mangadex and probably crunchyroll please for the love of god read that manga it fucks SO hard.

When you're an Outer God with only a very vague knowledge of humans and what they look like so instead of focusing on eye color or haircuts you're just fascinated by the fact that this lil one has thirty-two teeth. Bottom text.

This whole section is meant to be "all the times Guda died before the player rebooted the games," so I picked all the hardest boss fights I could think of. There's someone in the comments who asked me months ago if they should pick up a guide for the Cernunnos fight because I brought it up like five times in that paragraph alone. My guy if you are following my blog, yes, you should. You really fucking should.

Also I use second person a lot when writing Guda fic because it's easier (they/them can be confusing when you're writing multiple characters in one setting) but ofc for this fic this also gave me the opportunity to write some moments where the player is directly talking to Guda (or at Guda, rather.)

I wanted to show that while the player was at their most Not Normal about Castoria, they do love everyone in Chaldea, which is why Guda is being more affectionate than usual here.

I'm just really proud of "You imagine lapping at her open wounds, lapping at her wet cunt." Intimacy and violence but also holes and fluids you know how it is.

My bitch Guda who wouldn't wish to bother others & show any weakness if they had a gun to their head.

Christ I can't summarize MHXX's lore concisely, but she is repeatedly compared to a character from a sitcom, hence why her first comparison is to tv shows.

This is meant to be a call-back to that bit earlier where they wonder how hard they'd have to bite to make Castoria bleed.

To lb6 players out there: I was thinking of Gareth writing this line.

I don't remember if I told you, but Castoria has Fairy Eyes, ie is capable of perceiving lies (tho the exact mechanics are unclear.) That's why Guda is being extra stubborn. They can't deny that they're fine because she'll know it's false, so they're trying to dodge the entire conversation.

My bitch Guda who is taking the entire situation soooo well (casually deshumanize themself & considers being dead in the same sentence)

[Castoria voice] why don't you get into bdsm and then maybe you'll feel better.

Anyways, that was blorbo from my game having the worst life of their life! I think I could have done worse, and will endeavor to do so soon. Still damn proud of it tho!