#i am bad at angst the whole time i’m like okay.. a misunderstanding… some fighting.. yada yada yada.. when are they going to

[drowsyanddazed]

that unnamed wip 🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶 i need a happy ending or i sort of am gonna die

hi!! not to worry there will be a happy ending xx

[onlyjaeyun]

DADDY’S HOMEEEEE PART 2 🙏🏼🙏🏼except this time i’m in astronomical pain. im sliding down the wall… holding my head in misery… pulling my hair out my scalp…. tears rolling down my face…. staring at the wall with nothing but pure agony in my eyes… no words. literally no words. i’ve typed out like three sentences yet i already took 5 breaks already. zadie what THW FUCKKKKKKK🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ WHAT EVEN IS GOING ON ATP??????????? 1) they fucked AGAIN (EVERYONE ACT SURPRISEDDDD) and hoon was an actual human being this time????? like what??? when the aftercare parts started i literally had to double check whether or not im fr fr reading CH rn or nah because WHAT???

BREAKING NEWS: NEW AND SHOCKING PHENOMENA APPEARS AS THE APPEARANCE OF PARK SUNGHOON FROM ‘COLD HEARTS’ SHOWCASES HIM ACTING LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN (HOMOSAPIEN) BEING RATHER THAN HIS DEFAULT BEHAVIOUR OF AN ASSHOLE???????????????????

okay now that that’s out of the way let’s move on to 2) wait first i’ll like to say that i won’t be able to cover up all the events of what happened so im just going to talk about what i can remember rn anywho SO 2)😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ik damn well u did not just make riki & yn argue 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂if that even counts as an argument or misunderstanding idk but just the fact that they’re not speaking nicely to eachother made me shed a tear. and also whAT THE FUCK???? WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL?????????? nah because if this is fuma’s response or anger to yn bailing out on him last minute bcs mister park decided to man up and ask for pussy generously this time then i really hope that fuma gets hit by a basketball square in the face fr 😐 bitchass rat who tf do u think u are to do some shit like that. u and yn DIDNT make ur shit exclusive so what the fuck is ur actual problem ⁉️⁉️ u wanna fight me so bad ooooo u wanna get fucked up 🤼🤼 u wanna get fUCKED UP 🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾PULL UP RN FUMA. PULL UP HOE ‼️‼️ atp with the whole hoon straight up being a munch followed by the double KNOCK OUT DING DING DING🔔🔔🔔 combo of someone snitching on yn + riki getting in a fight— im losing the idgaf war fr 😁😁 i’m genuinely fighting demons & voices rn. i cannot do this bro. i fr thought i was built for zadie angst but gang i cant do this one, im not a fighter im not a survivor im a victim 💔💔 i cant thug this one out bro i genuinely can’t 🤣🙏🏼🙏🏼 how am i supposed to move on from the fact that riki got into an argument with the only family member he still has left because of some bitchass sewage rat. how am i supposed to accept the fact that yn isn’t gonna visit him because she knows he’s angry at her 😂😂😂🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 (im not tearing up dawg there’s just a washing machine in my eyes it’s all good bro dw it’s coo🙏🏼) zadie pls go easy on us i know u said there’s another wave of angst coming but please bro what about my heart what about my artery what about my soul. anyways i’m gen having a headache now so i’ll stfu 🙏🏼

before i end this i just want to say (since i havent sent an ask in so long first of all fuck off to that anon who said ch is boring or smth do me a favour and disappear pls [no i’m just playing] but genuinely it’s not that hard to stop reading smth when u start disliking it 🙏🏼) zadie i genuinely hope that you’re taking care of yourself like fr fr. especially after u stayed up till like what 5 am to write smth first of all let’s get a round of applause for madam zadie come on now 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏mhm 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏i know that’s right 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏now that’s what i’m talking about 👏👏👏👏👏 your dedication and love for the art that u create is genuinely admirable and really shows how much all of this means to you and just honestly thank you so much for dedicating so much energy effort and time of ur days to this work you’re ridiculously talented and the enha community is seriously so lucky to have you zadie :( ilysm thank u sm for sharing ur work and uploading consistently no matter what you’re genuinely so ?????? just an insanely admirable person like ur passion for this is crazy i love it sm and again thank you so much for all ur work and effort, you’ve been putting out banger after banger since hype boy nonstop that’s like an artist dropping an album after an album and all of the songs being number 1 hits material like woah zadie— yk what let’s get another round of applause 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 there we go 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏exactly👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 anywho sending u so so so so much love baby !! please take care of yourself and get enough rest and sleep ! sending u so much love and so many hugs & kisses i can’t wait for the new update (but pls rest !!) :DD <333

- ⁉️

omg bABE WAKE UP LOOK WHO SENT ME AN ASK IM GONNA CRYYYYY!!!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU BABY!!!! I really hope you know just how much your asks mean to me, I always find myself rereading them multiple times before answering because of how happy they make me :( I almost deleted this one on desktop I WAS STRESSEDDDDDD</3

now onto the actual reply!

I love how we all collectively suffered when they finally fucked again AND he actually provided aftercare like a decent fucking human being, WE CHEERED, WE CELEBRATED!!!!

WHY DID THOSE LAUGHING EMOJIS MAKE ME CHUCKLE YOU SOUND SO STRESSED IM SO SORRY :(((( I know the nishimura premium sibling argument was painful but iTS FOR THE PLOT I PROMISE IT WILL BE WORTH IT

nOOO i am lock mad at myself for making y'all hate fume so much even if it was only short lived, HES A GOOD MAN SAVANNAH, A GOOD. MAN. I SWEAR

sigh, I genuinely love your asks so much and am just so happy and grateful because they never fail to make my day. you sent me this a few days ago but I still thought about it every day until now bc I was waiting for a moment finally respond to them, so thank YOU so much for all of your kind words and your genuine reactions. I love and appreciate you so much and am so so so grateful for such genuine love and support, you make this experience the best ever, I love you :(❤❤❤

[oolongmilkteaaddict]

GETTING IN A FIGHT

genre: angst/fluff

warnings: cuss words here and there

characters: tsukishima + oikawa w/ gn! reader

a/n - i haven’t done any angst headcanons before so i thought i could try it out :) sorry for the heart aches. check out my other headcanons here !

➩ TSUKISHIMA KEI

it all started when you both thought the other was cheating

at first you both wouldn’t be yelling only making passive aggressive remarks to each other

neither of you knew what the other was mad, there was no communication just anger

not even looking at each other, distancing yourselves

both laying as far from each other at night

sometimes he’d be gone or you stayed out too late leaving him to worry

it was just a mess

hey watch it tsukishima said as he made his way into the kitchen. you scoffed at his comment as you took up more space in the small room. didn’t you just hear what i said? you continued to make your food ignoring him. whatever, always acting so fucking rude. that final comment he made hurt you. this sharp pain entered your chest as you continued making you food. at least i’m not disloyal. he turned around, your back facing him. what do you mean disloyal? you’re one to talk.

you turned around to face tsukishima. yeah i am one to talk, don’t you think I’ve noticed how you laugh and smile wither whatever girl you’re talking to? i’m right there! it would be easier to do that in secret! god! you don’t even hide it! he looked at you with such anger and confusion. all he knew was that he wasn’t talking to anyone. but instead of saying that he wanted to make sure he had the last word. very funny y/n. what about all those times you’ve come home late?! huh? in some fucking mysterious car that drives you home! why can’t you hide it? his cheeks started to turn read just thinking about it. watching you through the window stumbling home as you wave to some guy in the nice shiny car. you know it’s hurts. the fact that you don’t even end this and instead keep on staying. pisses me off. he shook his head ready to leave the kitchen. you stood your ground raising your voice. oh yeah! why don’t you end this? go be with that girl!

oh yeah?! go be with that fucking loser you’ve been sleeping with! his voice cracked ready to cry. tears welled up in your eyes. what did he mean by that? you weren’t sleeping with anyone. he wasn’t messaging anyone, he wondered where you got that from. it hurt you both to see each other on the brink of tears. staring at each other waiting for one of you to crack. but you both were so stubborn. too stubborn to just talk and instead have the last word.

i haven’t been sleeping with anyone, it’s you who is cheating. you say so quietly not wanting him to hear your trembling voice. no it’s you y/n. you both looked at each other puzzled. how could you both be cheating on each other. so you decided to speak up. who was it that you’ve been texting then? you waited for his response. the group chat, the one i’m in with hinata, yamaguchi, kuroo, and bokuto. who did you think i was texting? he looked at you trying to figure out why you would think such a thing. i thought it was some girl. you looked down at the floor ashamed of your assumption. well then who was driving you home all this time? tsukishima’s heart beat sped up as he hoped his thoughts were a mistake. my cousin, c/n, she was dragging me out to party with her since her girlfriend and her broke up not too long ago.

so this was all a big misunderstanding? you finally looked up meeting his glossy eyes. yeah...i guess so. he whispered. you dropped whatever it was you were holding and ran into his arms. i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m so sorry. you said over and over into his chest. he hugged you right not wanting to let you go. i was hoping i was wrong and just getting in my head. his voice trembled. tsukishima lightly rubbed your back trying to calm your sobs down. it’s alright y/n, it was just a big misunderstanding. it not your fault. it’s okay. i love you. you know what right?

you looked up at him. i know that. i love you too

➩ OIKAWA TOORU

he had been coming to the apartment very moody

throwing his stuff onto the couch, not greeting you back when you welcome him home

always coming home later than usual even though his practice ends earlier in the evening

you’re already in bed when he comes home

you try to confront him about it but he always brushes you off saying he’s tired or that he has to hurry and go out

he doesn’t even kiss you or tell you he’s leaving

you’ve had enough

what happened to you? you ask him standing in front of the door way blocking him from leaving. what’s going on? you’ve been out of it lately. he just stared at you holding his bag. what do you mean. i’m fine. now move, i’m going to be late. oikawa used his free arm to try and push you aside. no you’re not fine, you retaliate moving his arm away from you trying to reach for the door before he can. yes, i am! now leave me alone! stop acting like bitch! you stopped resisting and let him go. you knew those harsh words didn’t mean anything. he was just mad. but it really hurt knowing that he might’ve thought of you that way. no tears, no yelling, just silence. you sat on the couch and turned on the tv not saying.

*time skip*

oikawa barged through the door in anger. he had really hated the way he treated you before he left. he’d been beating himself up about it all day. truth was oikawa hadn’t been feeling confident lately, just recently he had lost a game and he never told you. he’d been bottling his anger up and ignoring you all week. all he needed was a hug from you.

he turned on the light to the living room to see you sleeping on the couch. the tv was on in the background playing one of the weekly dramas that you watched from time to time. he walked over to you. hey y/n, come to bed. he quietly spoke trying to carefully wake you up. you rose from the couch stretching your arms to see oikawa. you stared at him not uttering a word until you said no. turning your head away from him you laid back down on the couch and went to bed.

a bit panicked oikawa kneeled down on the floor meeting your face. come on honey. look i’m sorry. i know i’ve been acting unlike myself. i’m sorry for treating you that way this morning. you blinked a few times as you examined the look of regret on his face. sorry for this morning? how about sorry for all week! you got up again. you’ve been unlike yourself for a whole week leaving me to wonder why you were acting this way. you never told me anything! that apology is not going to cut it tooru. you crossed your arms maintaining eye contact with him. you felt bad for yelling at him like that but he needed to know how you felt.

oh y/n i am sorry for this week. we lost a game, and I’ve been taking out my anger on you. i apologize. i get it if you don’t want to talk with me for a bit. just know that i love you. i really do. oikawa got up and walked to the room you two shared. you waited until he went inside to follow him. he was getting ready to brush his teeth but you came up behind him giving him a hug. that’s all i needed you to tell me. you sighed into his back. you have to talk to me about these things otherwise we’ll fight. and i don’t like to fight. he turned around to give you a hug. i don’t like fighting either.

[sketching-shark]

I think we should start a protection squad (although they don’t need it because they can protect themselves) for Sun Wukong and Guanyin

“Begone monkie kid fandom trying to down grade these really interesting characters with interesting personality’s and backstory ( the both of them like seriously Guanyin backstory is so cool) to a villain wile trying to justify your angsty backstory (that are no where near as cool as monkey who fights gods and Person who has 1000 arms and heads to help people in need) for the actual villain”

So who wants to join

Me:*raises my hand*

Ps: sorry if I got Guanyin backstory wrong am not an expert on it.

Haha okay so some critiques on the jttw & associated media western fandom & fandom in general coming up, so please skip this upcoming text wall if you don't want to encounter my undoubtedly ~devastating~ words (i.e. don't like don't read as people love to say, & if I have to be inundated with images of my notp every time I go into the sun wukong tag then I imagine people can be chill with me expressing my opinions & giving people fair warning that I WILL be critiquing common fandom trends, but no need for you to see that if you don’t want to. Cool? Cool.)

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PFFFFFTTT oh man there are many times when I feel like signing up for such a protection squad...when it comes to the current western jttw & Sun Wukong fandom I do feel like I'm often swinging at a rapid pace between "well it's fandom & people are allowed to make the stories they want" & "I am once again begging my fellow monkie kid enthusiasts (& sometimes creators) to do more research into the og classic/show it more respect so you can avoid any potentially offensive/off-the-mark misunderstandings of the status & cultural context of the characters in their country of origin (I promise it's super interesting & I can provide you with links to free pdf copies of the entire Yu translation, i.e. the best one ever created, so feel free to ask!) & maybe also stop constantly stripping away all the nuance of Sun Wukong's character for the sake of either making him an entire asshole so your little meow meow can look completely innocent in comparison and/or making the monkey king's entire life & character revolve around said meow meow."

Like I get that fandom's supposed to be a kind of anything-goes environment, but one thing that honestly seems to be true of a lot of fandoms--and the western one for Sun Wukong & co. is certainly not immune from this--is that there often seems to be a kind of monoculturalization at work in what stories are created & what character interpretations are made popular. Across a multitude of fandoms, you frequently see basically nothing but the exact same tropes being made popular & even being insisted on for the canonical work (especially hasty redemption arcs & enemies to lovers these days), the exact same one-dimensional character types that characters from an original work keep getting shoved into, the exact same story beats, etc. And I get it to an extent, as fandom is generally a space where people just make art and fic for fun & without thinking too hard about it & without any pressure. 

This seems to, however, often unfortunately lead to the mentality that it’s your god-given right to do literally whatever you want with literally any cultural figure without even the slightest bit of thought put into their cultural, historical, and even religious context, even (and sometimes especially) when it comes to figures that are really important in a culture outside your own. For such figures--even if you first encounter them in a children’s cartoon--you should be a little more careful with what you do with them than you would with your usual Saturday morning line-up. It of course has to be acknowledged that there exists a whole pile of absolutely ridiculous & cursed pieces of media that are based on Journey to the West & that were produced in mainland China, but for your own education if nothing else I consider it good practice for those of us (myself certainly included) who aren’t part of the culture that produced JTTW to put more thought into how we might want to portray these characters so that at the very least (to pull some things I’ve seen from the jttw western fandom) we’re not turning a goddess of mercy into an evil figure for the sake of Angst(TM), or relegating other important literary figures into the positions of offensive stereotypes, or making broad claims about the source text & original characterizations of various figures that are blatantly untrue, or mocking heavenly deities because of what’s actually your misunderstanding of how immortality works according to Daoist beliefs. Yet while a lot of this is often due to people not even trying to understand the context these figures are coming from, I do want to acknowledge that the journey (lol reference) to understand even a fraction of the original cultural context can be a daunting one, especially since, as I’ve mentioned before, it can be really hard & even next to impossible to find good, accessible, & legitimate explanations in English of how, for example, the relationship between Sun Wukong and the Six-Eared Macaque is commonly interpreted in China & according to the Buddhist beliefs that define the original work. 

That is to say, I do think it’s an unfortunate, if unavoidable, part of any introduction of an original text into a culture foreign to its own for there to be sometimes a significant amount of misinterpretation, mistranslations, and false assumptions. There is, however, a big difference between learning from your honest mistakes, & doubling down on them while dismissing all criticism of your misinterpretation into that abstract category of “fandom drama.” The latter attitude is kind of shitty at best and horrifically entitled at worst. 

Plus, as I’ve discovered, there is a great deal of interest and joy to be drawn from keeping yourself open to learning aspects of these texts & figures that you weren’t aware of! I can say from my own experience that I’ve always really enjoyed & appreciated it when individuals on this site who come from a Chinese background--and who know much more about the cultural context of JTTW than me--have taken the time to explain its various aspects. It often leaves me feeling like woooooaaaahhhhhHHH!!!! as to how amazingly full of nuanced meaning JTTW is like dang no wonder it’s one of China’s Four Great Classical Novels. 

And I guess that right there is the heart of a lot of my own personal frustration and disappointment with the ways that fandoms often approach a literary work or other piece of media...like don’t get me wrong, a lot of the original works a fandom may grow around are just straight-up goofy & everyone’s aware of it & has fun with it, yet the trend of approaching what are often nuanced and multi-layered works in terms of how well they fit and/or can be shoved into pretty cliche ideas of Redemption Arc or Enemies to Lovers or Hero Actually Bad, Villain Actually Good etc...well, it just seems to cheapen and even erase even the possibility of understanding the wonderful complexity or even endearing simplicity that made these works so beloved in the first place. Again, I feel like I need to make it clear that I’m not saying fandom should be a space where people are constantly trying to one-up each other with their hot takes in literary analysis, but it would be nice and even beneficial to allow room for commentary that strives to approach these works in a multi-faceted way, analysis & interpretations that go against the popular fandom beliefs, & criticism of the work or even of fandom trends (yes it is in fact possible to legitimately love something but still be critical of its aspects) instead of immediately attacking people who try to engage in such as just being haters who don’t want anyone to have fun ever (X_X).   

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Anyway, I know I didn’t cover even half of the stuff you brought up in the first place anon, but I don’t want any interested parties to this post to suffer too long through my text wall lol. I was asked to try my hand at illustrating Guanyin, but as with you I’m nowhere near as informed as I should be about her, so I want to do more research on her history and religious importance before I attempt a portrait. I’ll try my best, and do plan to pair that illustration with my own outsider’s attempt to summarize her character. From what little I do know I am in full agreement that her backstory is so incredibly amazing...just the fact that she literally eschewed the bliss of Nirvana to help all beings reach it, and even split herself into pieces in the attempt to do so (with Buddha granting her eleven heads and a thousand arms as a result)...man, I can see why she’s such a beloved & respected deity. 

----

 As for what western fandom commonly does with everyone’s favorite god-fighting primate...I can talk about this at length if there’s interest, but for this post I’ll just say that I guess one lesson from all of this is that for all the centuries that have passed since Journey to the West was first completed, literally no one drawing inspiration from the original tale in the west (lol) has come even slightly close to being able to equal or even capture half the extent of the nuance, complexity, religious, historical, and cultural aspects, and humor that define Wu Cheng'en's story of an overpowered monkey who defied even Buddha.

So thank the heavens we'll always have the original.

[starbuckie]

𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐰

challenge: 200 followers challenge by @angrybirdcr

prompt: “there may have been a slight misunderstanding, but nothing we can’t fix.” and locked in the trunk of a car

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

words: 5,504 words

warnings: post-endgame, bucky’s kinda a dick, enemies to friends(?), swearing, angst, mentions of violence, talk about sexual assault, guns, bickering, jealousy

summary: bucky had been adjusting to the new familiarity of having a stable routine, right until she walked in.

a/n: I DON’T NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO MARVEL. okay, great, done that, but congratulations on 200 followers!! i had so much fun taking part in your writing challenge, so thank you so much. imma be honest, there’s not a lot of romance in this, it’s some enemies to friends type of shit and i genuinely did not think this fic would get so angsty and dark and actually long, but i had an idea and ran with it mid way through the old fic with this prompt. also i had an idea for an epilogue to this, so tell me if you want that part 2 because i am on the verge of writing it. this is not proofread by a beta, but i edited it myself and hope it is okay. anyways, now that we’re done with that, please enjoy this rollercoaster of a fanfic i’ve written.

main masterlist || sebastian stan characters masterlist

Life in the twenty-first century was strange, Bucky concluded. Though he’d been free of HYDRA for around nine years technically, being a fugitive and in another realm didn’t give him much time to learn about the modern world. As soon as he came back, Steve had left him and he had to move on without his childhood best friend. It was hard for him to adjust to this century, with the new rules and the whole scene in general, but he seemed to make it through just fine. He’d come to peace with the fact that there was no escaping the fighting at all, falling into a steady routine that became his holy grail. 

In the new Avengers compound in Upstate New York he felt content and more sure of himself than he’d felt in a very long time. Everyone in the tower was quiet and kept to themselves mostly, still dealing with the aftermath of losing so much in so little time. But in that silence Bucky felt like a free man, able to walk around without fear of being hunted down every second and time to really look about this new world.

There were still times when he woke up in a sweaty panic, disoriented and terrified until he realized he was in the safety of his room in the compound. He’d flinch at loud noises in the quiet and his heart would stop, something that went by unnoticed by everyone else, though he didn’t blame them for it. Bucky felt extreme guilt for the horrible things he had done as the Winter Soldier, memories of bloodied and dead bodies, bodies he had made fall to the ground motionless. It wasn’t him, he knew, but his hand still had pulled the trigger. When he found something new a smile would split across his face, ready to tell Steve what he had discovered, until he remembered that the rambunctious blond boy was gone, a wrinkled grey man with a new family in his place. It still hurt him to think that he had left him so easily, with barely a goodbye. Bucky still had days where he felt so incredibly tired, left still on his bed as horrible thoughts ran through his mind, anxious about the future.

But then he found new things everyday, things that seemed to outweigh the bad by a whole lot. He’d found cool ranch Doritos were the best chips and that he really liked the season of fall with the leaves falling around him as he took a serene walk. He found that he really loved Frozen, the songs and Sven the reindeer making him crack a smile every time he watched it. He found that he could sleep in on his days without missions and Wanda liked her pancakes with an unhealthy amount of syrup on the side to dunk them in. He found that Sam was actually really funny, always making the worst puns or the dirtiest jokes at the most inappropriate of times. He found a new sense of respect and warmth in the family they’d built together, learning how to go on without those that they loved. He found that he was really enjoying his new routine and his new sense of peace with himself.

All until she walked in.

Bucky could still remember the exact moment she flipped their world upside down. Sharon had fawned over her, talking about one of her old SHIELD buddies who was finally coming back to the states. After the organization fell in 2014, Y/N L/N fled to Hawaii, running away to the one place she knew no one would find her. She was done fighting, or that’s what she believed until Thanos showed up. 

It was shameful, really, that Y/N was aware of all the problems that went on, yet did nothing to help. They needed her help, she knew they did, but she couldn’t bring yourself to go help her friends. Originally she was trying for a settled down life, planning to retire from the constant fighting, but after a few failed relationships Y/N realized that she wasn't cut out for that white picket fence life. Those had just been the dreams of a fourteen year old Y/N L/N, left empty and hollow by the horrors she had seen during her time at SHIELD. There was nothing left waiting for her, no family, no friends, but she was too stubborn to get back into the fight, so she stayed in her humid Oahu apartment and waited for something interesting to happen.

Well, maybe Y/N shouldn’t have wished so hard, that “interesting thing” showing up in the form of being snapped out of existence by a large, purple grape.

When she came back she felt nearly indifferent, knowing that five years had passed by her, and though Y/N felt nothing but emptiness she knew that it was time to go back. It was her duty when she had joined SHIELD to always be there and protect, and she had failed that job. But Y/N was more than ready to make up for it. Nothing like Thanos could ever happen again, so she called Sharon, one of her closest friends and previous commanding supervisor at the organization. She was ecstatic to have Y/N back, probably a bit too much, and before she could have second thoughts the girl was on a plane overlooking JFK, ready to land in New York.

So when Y/N walked in, with a tight-lipped smile and butterflies anxiously fluttering in her stomach, Bucky couldn’t help but despise her. Maybe he had formed his opinion off of Sharon’s explanation of her past, but Y/N got the life of settling down that he didn’t and he was infuriatingly jealous. 

“Hey, Bucky, Sam, come meet Y/N!” Sharon said excitedly. Her hair was put back in a headband neatly, two suitcases in hand as she looked at the two tall, muscular men. Of course Y/N recognized both of them, she hadn’t been living under a rock. Keeping up with the news of the Avengers and remaining SHIELD officers had been one of the only things keeping her from coming back, hearing of the terrible fights and destruction done to whole cities. She recognized Sam Wilson, the infamous Falcon being marked down as a “war criminal” in 2016. She never believed that crap, if he and half of the other Avengers were locked up there had to be a good reason behind it.

Then, there was James Buchanan Barnes. Now, she knew him from her eighth grade American history books, reading about the brave Howling Commando who had given up his life for saving the country, but Y/N knew him better as the Winter Soldier from her time at SHIELD. The fight in 2014 had been brutal, hectic in all forms, but she’d caught a few glances at the metal-armed man. He hadn't been in his normal state, with being controlled and tortured by HYDRA at the time, but the kid inside of her freaked out, remembering memories of gossiping with her friends about how hot he was in the textbooks and how much of a hero he was. That man was still in there somewhere, hidden by decades of reprogramming and mind-wiping, and Y/N was finally seeing him in the flesh. She would be working with him daily, living in the same space as him. The thought made her giddy like a middle schooler with her first crush,though his presence was intimidating as well.

“Hi there, I’m Y/N L/N, it’s a pleasure to be working with you.” Sticking out her hand, she gave a bright smile, already growing out of her nervous state. 

Sam quickly shook Y/N’s hand, giving a warm greeting in response to her introduction. Then she turned to Bucky. “It’s nice to meet you, Bucky.”

His cold, dead glare locked onto Y/N, staring straight through her soul. It felt like he could see every insecurity and guilty action she had, and she didn’t like it one bit. “That’s Sergeant Barnes to you.” Without another word, he walked out of the room like a petulant child, leaving Sharon, Sam, and Y/N flabbergasted. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N, he’s usually more friendly than that, I’ll go check in on him,” Sharon furiously said with a painfully fake smile. Sam grabbed the new girl by the arm, linking it with his own and led her in another direction as he explained the usual training routine and schedule for the week. 

And while she was completely enraptured by Sam’s comforting words and the exciting compound, her heart still felt heavy from Sergeant Barnes’ cold greeting. 

-

She had tried to be nice. She really had. But after two months it was pretty clear Sergeant Barnes wasn’t getting any better, and Y/N was beyond pissed off. Childish, is what he was being, fucking childish. 

It started off with leaving every room she came into, blatantly ignoring her presence. When she would say hello every morning he’d grunt or even worse, he wouldn’t answer her at all. Y/N had begged Sharon if she knew why the sergeant was acting up, but she didn’t know either and just asked her to ignore him and his “crappy, old-man behaviour”. Sam wasn’t very helpful to Y/N’s cause either, but he was a great mentor and an even better teacher.

Sharon was really the only person Y/N had in her phone, her parents dead and no boyfriend accounted for. The rest of her family had wanted nothing to do with her when she joined SHIELD, but that was okay with her. She knew what she had gotten herself into, and it was an extreme risk to even be acquaintances with her. But now, living with several others in a compound that seemed so large after the great loss, Y/N became part of their family as well. 

It was nice to have friends again, as years of solitude on an island where she knew nobody had made her nearly desperate for more human interaction than with the teenagers who worked the cash registers at the grocery store. Y/N became an integral part of the Avengers (she could actually say that aloud now), going on missions and kicking ass just like she used to. Of course, Sergeant Barnes’ behaviour in and out of missions stayed the same, but she usually tried her best to not take it to heart and move on. After all, she couldn’t have everyone like her.

But one day they both snapped.

Y/N was sitting with Sharon and Wanda, eating lunch and talking over their most recent mission with them and Barnes in Cairo. It hadn’t been a necessarily bad mission, per se, but she had run back into the building to get Wanda out from under a fallen pillar, which apparently was “severely dangerous”. Looking back, she could see how it was, putting her entire team’s secrecy and mission in volatile danger, but Wanda was like her sister and in Y/N’s heart she knew that she had to. Bucky had had to grab them both, nearly dragging her back to the jet before the building had collapsed. He’d been beyond angry with Y/N for the stupid decision, but when they landed he just huffed and stomped away. The redhead was grateful for her and so was Sharon, but lunch was just for a simple stern talking about mission protocols. 

“Y/N, I know that you’re a fantastic agent and even better friend, but when we’re on missions we need that agent. You can’t let your feelings and outside life get in the way of our objective.” Sharon said in a firm voice. Y/N dropped her head in her hands and rubbed her face tiredly.

“I know, Sharon, I’m sorry, Wanda could’ve probably gotten herself out but I just let my instincts act too fast and ran back in without another thought.” She groaned. “Plus, I just caused more damage than anything else. It won’t happen again, I promise.” Wanda and Sharon nodded in understanding just as the Asshole Supreme walked into the kitchen.

“You talking ‘bout how Y/N fucked up the mission yesterday?” Sergeant Barnes grunted. While Sharon and Wanda gasped in shock, Y/N’s eyes were trained at the plate on the table in front of her, not daring to make a sound. She muttered out a sorry and got up to put her dish in the sink. As long as he was here, he was going to make her life a living hell, and as much as she wanted to lash out, it would be cause for her dismissal from the team. While her old, solitary life was what she had once dreamed of, Y/N now saw her future among these people, this family, somewhere she finally felt a part of despite Barnes’ horrid behaviour. “Sorry?” He scoffed, “Sorry doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to run back in for you. Sorry doesn’t make up for the extreme risks we all pull to save your ass out in the field.”

“Bucky, stop.” Sharon yelled.

But he ignored her words and sauntered over to Y/N with a knowing smirk, leaning down to meet her level. His warm breath hit her face and she could stare into his deep eyes, swirling like a raging storm of blues and greys. “You shouldn’t even be out there, L/N. I mean, you haven’t had training in years, it’s not like you were anything special either. Just another agent, hoping to get to work in the big leagues.”

“Shut up.” Y/N whispered meekly. Tears were just barely being held in, her chest feeling empty and hollow with anger and guilt. Is this what it felt like to want to kill someone with so much vengeance? 

“Where were you when Thanos came? Where were you, L/N? We needed all the help we could get, but there you are, in fucking Hawaii, with you little fucking margaritas on the fucking beach-”

“Shut the fuck up!” She screamed. The room went dead silent with her voice. None of the team had seen Y/N look so angry, so sad, so vulnerable, at one time. It was easy for her to hide her emotions and Wanda refrained from trying to toy with her mind, but shame was overwhelming the girl by the second and Sergeant Barnes was right, as much as she didn’t want to say it. She was a coward, thinking she could run away from the “hero life” so easily. They’d caught her, and Barnes was making her face that truth right now. “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I know, that I was absolutely scared shitless of returning here, facing all of you after what you endured for so long?” 

Y/N took a deep breath, laughing mirthlessly as tears ran hot down her cheeks. “I’m sorry that I came back, I really am, but I’m trying my damn best to make up for what I did. Being scared is no excuse for why I ran away, I was fucking terrified of having one more thing to lose. My family is dead, SHIELD fell, and I had no one to lean on so I ran as far as I fucking could. But I’m back now, I’m ready to serve up to what I left behind, and you better fucking deal with it because this,” she jabbed a finger into his broad chest, “is not fucking it. I’m not going to live with your shitty behaviour anymore, Barnes.”

He, Wanda, and Sharon all watched as she slammed the plate into the sink, storming out of the room. They could hear her door slam shut, and the two women glared at Bucky.

“What the hell is your problem, Barnes” Wanda hissed in a scarily low voice. Fuck. He knew he’d messed up then, gone farther than he ever dared to with insulting Y/N, and both of the women were severely overprotective of the new Avenger. 

Sharon walked up to Bucky with large strides, delivering a slap to the side of his head. Yeah, he definitely deserved that. It was dead silent in the kitchen, the tension still high strung from the fight seconds before. “You better go apologize, Barnes, I swear to God this has gotten far too out of hand. You two have a mission tomorrow, estimated a month, and wheels are up at 2300 hours. I need you two to go get the intel quietly and undetected and we can’t have both of you arguing the whole damn time, so you better fix things by then.”

The blonde agent walked away, Wanda trailing behind her, but not without the middle finger from both of them. A mission? Tomorrow? With Y/N? This was going to be horrible. Bucky ran a hand over his face and trudged off to his room. 

It was going to be a long month.

-

Y/N stared out of the window as they flew over the clouds above the Mediteranean Sea. Eleven in the morning in Italy gave a clear view of the skies, light blue as far as she could see. They were ready to start their descent into Azzano and the woman glanced to the man beside her, his stormy blue eyes glaring in any direction but hers. The sergeant had avoided her all he could up until they boarded the jet, and even then he only spoke to her when necessary. “Hey, Barnes, we’re starting to descend, go get ready.”

The brunette looked over to Y/N and grunted in response. Oh well, it was better than him yelling at her. His little outburst in the kitchen had her pissed at him more than ever, but the words thrown around still rung true in her head. But now wasn’t the time to think about that.

She paid careful attention to where she was supposed to land, a shaded facility almost five miles south of where they had to get the intel from an old, but rebuilt HYDRA base. The same base where James Buchanan Barnes was once held captive, experimented on and tortured until Steve Rogers came to save him. Y/N didn’t care much for Barnes usually, but she also didn’t know how he’d react to being in a location with such horrible memories attached to it. They had both been at the mission briefing the day before of course, he knew what it entailed and he seemed unfazed, and he was always good at hiding his emotions. As the jet touched down finally, the agent thought back. Well, sometimes he was good at hiding his emotions.

Making sure her comm fit snugly in her ear, Y/N unbuckled herself from the seat, heading back towards the wall of weaponry they kept in the back of the jet. Barnes was already there dressed in hs black kevlar tactical suit, hugging his body nicely and vibranium arm on display. When he was around her he tried to hide it, and she saw him joking around and being comfortable in other’s presence with it out, wondering what made her so different. She personally found it fascinating, the beauty of the gold and black metal with the incredible Wakandan technology, but she respected his privacy and tried to not think too much about it. 

Y/N threw a vest on over her own navy blue tac suit, tightening her combat boots before she fully zipped up. Were they finally ready?

Three guns perched in holsters by her waist.

Two taps to her earpiece and Barnes’ breathing in her ear.

One mutual nod with the sergeant himself, and they were off, slowly making their way to grab the intel, not a trace to be left behind. 

-

Getting stuck in the trunk of a car was not in the plan. It definitely wasn’t. Bucky remembered every single inch and cranny of that meticulously planned out schedule, every move, every kill they had to make, but not once was it mentioned that Y/N was to get stuck in Baron Zemo’s car without any weapons on her.

“L/N, what the hell do you mean you’re in the back of Zemo’s car.” He seethed, already searching frantically around the large remains of the building for her. It had gone smoothly, she was just supposed to quickly check inside his car as he searched the base. It’ll be so much quicker if I do it, L/N, is what he had said, but now he regretted it. Like the incompetent fool she was, she was spotted and ended up shooting out half of Zemo’s goonies before dropping all her weapons to the ground and running when she ran out of ammunition.

“There may have been a slight misunderstanding,” Y/N whispered into her comm, “but nothing we can’t fix! Just come find me, Barnes, and all will be well.”

She could hear his angry curses and jostling, which she assumed he was running to come find her. It wasn’t entirely Y/N’s fault she had run out of ammo. Some of it must have fallen from her pockets during the shootout and when she saw the car she thought it’d be the perfect place to hide. Until she realized that no one else was at the partially burned down HYDRA base besides Baron Zemo, the person who Sharon had told her to avoid at all costs, and she was in his damn car. Practically her death note.

“If you had just listened to me you wouldn’t have been caught!” Bucky furiously whispered through the comms. 

Y/N rolled her eyes, though he couldn’t even see her, and groaned. “I did listen to you, Barnes, I checked the damn car, but we weren’t expecting his guards to find me so I killed them and hid. Is that actually so bad?” 

“Yes it is!’ He explained. “Give me your coordinates.” She checked the small watch on her wrist, pushing a button on the side that gave a small holographic image of the time and her coordinates on a world wide map. Reciting them for him, Bucky followed, continuing to berate her as he did so. “And you’re right, L/N, I asked you to check the car, not fucking jump inside it!”

This time Bucky could envision her rolling her eyes as she groaned even louder in very Y/N L/N fashion. “Would you rather I be dead?” She asked. It had been a few seconds, but she still received no response. “Barnes?” Crackling. “Sergeant?” Absolute nothingness. “Sarge?”

The trunk of the car opened as the woman let out a squeak, the broad frame of James Barnes hovering above her, some dirt smudged around the annoyed expression on his face. “Don’t call me that.” He grumbled.

He reached his hand towards her, grasping her own tightly before pulling her to a sitting position. “Why, you had all the ladies calling you that back in the day?” She mimicked a much higher tone, nearly resembling Snow White if the princess were high on drugs and had a Brooklyn accent. “Hey, Sarge, we goin’ dancing? Sarge, you goin’ to give me some sweet lovin’ tonight? Oh, how I’d just love for you to shove your fat, ugly head up your a-”

A loud beeping from his wristwatch cut her off. With a glare, the man let go of Y/N’s hand, checking to see what the problem was. A small red tracker on the map moved, and both of them knew they were in deep shit. “Crap, Zemo’s coming this way. That’s one of the trackers I set up on the ground and we gotta go quick.”

Faint whistling from Baron Zemo made both of them panic as Bucky tackled her back down and quickly shut the door behind him. Footsteps were approaching, the whistling getting louder and a door opening let the two Avengers know that they couldn’t get out anytime soon. Y/N could feel Bucky’s racing heart against her chest, hers beating just as fast. He turned to face her, a lot closer than both of them expected, lips dangerously close and noses nudging against each other. Ther breaths mixed together, the hot air of the car doing nothing to help her current close quarters with the man. 

“Can you bust us out of here?” She whispered hurriedly, rather uncomfortable with the present situation.

“We’ll die if we leave now. He’s much more prepared than we thought and with half his men down he knows something is up. Zemo wasn’t even supposed to know we were here so we’re far too unprepared and you lost your damn weapons. There’s no way we can go out so we’re going to stick in here until he gets out.”

Truth be told, Bucky was terrified and had no clue what to do next. Being stuck in a small confined space with Y/N had to be his worst nightmare, especially after he didn’t apologize for his shitty behavior last night. And the night before. 

And the several months before that.

From his view Y/N seemed to be uncomfortable and as the car started moving, she wiggled around, struggling to get as far away from Bucky as she could. He too was extremely uncomfortable, but as her wriggling continued, his already tight fitting pants seemed to get even impossible tighter as she practically grinded on him. 

“Would you stop squirming around?” Y/N shot him what would’ve been a questioning glance if not for the pitch blackness of the trunk, and heard his loud sigh, warm breath fanning across her face. “I’m sorry, I’m having a situation, uh, down there and your wiggling isn’t helping it too much.”

Her face heated up, not knowing what to feel after he said that. Was he… flustered? Y/N had never seen Bucky Barnes anything less than grumpy or professional before.

When she said nothing, he assumed the worst and thought she saw him as a disgusting and creepy person. Before that moment he’d never had any particular care about how Y/N felt, but he knew that there were still a lot of perverts, if not more perverts than back in his day. With his four little sisters always getting catcalled and the crude men who thought women were their property, Bucky knew it was definitely terrifying to be assaulted or any situation such as this. 

There wasn’t much he could do, but he shifted so they weren’t lying down hip bone to hip bone. “Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I don’t want you to think I’m a pervert or anything, it’s just been a while since I, well, y’know…”

“I understand, Barnes, but thank you for apologizing.” Y/N said carefully. It was weird to hear the now shy and surprisingly considerate sergeant apologize to her, but she had to admit that her respect for him had gone up. 

He cleared his throat in return, trying to turn in any other direction besides hers as they listened to the tires of the car bumping along the road, heart wildly thumping. 

It was quiet. Far more quiet than it had ever been when either of them were in the same room. As Y/N stared down at Bucky’s head, almost resting on her stomach, she saw the man she’d read about in middle school. For a moment she was able to look past the last few months of fighting and hatred, and see the noble sergeant she’d admired for so long. 

“You can rest your head if you want to, I knew keeping it up like that must be hurting your neck. I promise I’m okay with it.” She reassured him. With a small hesitation, Barnes submitted to his screaming neck muscles and laid his head on her stomach, the vest providing cushion. A few more seconds of silence and gathering courage, and she finally asked him the question she had been wondering since her first day at the compound. “Why do you hate me?”

I’m jealous, he wanted to say, but he wasn’t brave enough to say it. With a small sigh, he managed to get out, “I don’t.”

“Then why are you so cold to me all the time?” Emotions that were borrowed so deep inside Y/N’s chest seemed to come barreling out, seeping into every question that she asked. “Am I really that horrible an agent? Do you not think I’m trying my best? I know I made a mistake, I wasn’t there when you all needed me, but I’m trying so, so damn hard to make up for it. I swear on my life, and every one that comes after it, that I’m-”

“It’s not you, it’s me, God damn it!” Bucky exclaimed angrily. Both of their blood ran cold in fear that Zemo might have heard them, but the radio continued to drone on in the background, nothing seeming to have changed. He took a deep sigh and tried how to best explain it to her. Even though he’d probably never have Y/N’s forgiveness for insulting her so plainly and hurting her so much, he felt as though she deserved as much as his reasoning as to why he “disliked” her so much. It was difficult for him to say, having to also put his pride away for once to just admit it. “I’m jealous of you, Y/N. You got the sweet life for a while, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. When you look at us who remain, not a single one of us was planning to be an Avenger. You were getting the dream home, the kids, the family that I’ve wanted since I was a boy back in Brooklyn, and all you had to do to get it was run away. It was so simple.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, not at all expecting that. “It wasn’t all too much ‘sweet life’, you know? It was my dream when I was younger, I thought being an agent was temporary and then I’d move into a big, old house with a loving spouse and have millions of little carbon copies of myself to occupy my days. But the truth about what we do is that we can only stay away from it for so long, Barnes. With people like us,” she squeezed her eyes shut, letting the final tears roll down her cheeks, “there’s no running away from the hero's life. It's just who we are. We’ve already done too much to change that part of our lives.” 

Y/N felt him nod through the fabric on her skin, sniffles letting her know that he was crying too. They were connected. All the shouting, all the yelling, the pain, the battles, the fore, the blood, the years of torture, all led to this moment. This historic moment in Y/N and Bucky’s relationship where they both waved white flags, wet faces and hearts filled with sorrow for the life they never had. 

“I’m so sorry for the way I dealt with my anger and jealousy, Y/N.” Bucky croaked. 

“I used to idolize you when I was a kid.” Y/N recalled with a faint smile on her face. “In the eighth grade I wrote a history paper on you, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, American hero and inspiration to all. And you know, I always kinda had a crush on you. Wondered what it would be like if you were still alive, if you would’ve gone home after the war, if you would’ve had a family. No matter what wild thoughts ran through my head, though, you were always my hero.” Bucky took her confession in shock, pure amazement and surprise coursing through his body. Maybe a little bit of sadness, longing for that old life, maybe a bit of bashfulness of her having a crush on his as a schoolgirl. “And then I met you and you were this grumpy, irritable old man who seemed to despise me as soon as I walked in the door. Definitely not what I had expected.” He opened his mouth, ready to apologize again, when her next words cut him off. “I want to start over, don’t you?”

How was she so calming? Her words were exactly what he needed to hear and didn’t need to at the same time. Her voice brought back all the old memories of running around New York with Steve as a kid, reminding him of his wise ma in a way. “There’s nothing I’d like more than that, Y/N.”

Y/N smiled to herself, looking towards the top of the car. “Perfect.”

And with the twinkle in her eye and his head resting on her stomach with a small grin, it really was.

[washymylifeaway]

MatsuHana fanfic recs

HI LOVES :D MatsuHana is one of my FAVORITE ships and I always love reading their fics! I’m procrastinating my other wips rn, so that do be why this is coming out rn LOL. Also that ask really made me get onto writing this, so anon thank you for sending it in LOL. There are some with VERY sensitive topics and they’re very BOLD, but I hope you all are safe while going through this list <3 (also matsuhana leans more to lots of drinking, spicy smut scenes, and teenage boy humor (like d*ck jokes and sexual innuendos) and sometimes I don’t remember to warn for that, so again CAUTION)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

plus one by orphan_account (G) 6.1k // this fic made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside LOL. It’s also hilarious and is definitely worth a read! When will I get to share a heart shaped bed with someone :( But I really love it when they just go with the flow of things, and other people are like,,, aren’t you already dating? BUT THEY’RE LIKE UMMM NO? HSAKJSH.

rated m for by orphan_account (T) 10.7k // I love this fic it made me laugh so much throughout the whole thing! The vibes in this fic are immaculate and give me life (we love a good reunion with mystery writers), it is SO good! That’s why you should never leave/stop listening prematurely (@ iwa when he was a single dad fic). 

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream by h_lovely (T) 12.4k // THIS IS SO GOOD, I love this fic. It really takes you through the emotions, and I love all the development in it!!!! Their relationship with one another (but only as homies right? ofc ofc), and even their families loving the other, this fic is so good! Read it even if you don’t like slow burn, you won’t even notice <3333

call me maybe by totooru (T) 33.6k // okay yea another (semi) chat fic,,, fight me. MatsuHana are just funny in general but throw some other characters (like Kuroo) into it and it turns into a comedy show. But the main point of this fic was like the near miss meetings and I think that the misunderstanding were hilarious (as much as I hate misunderstandings LOL).

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal by plumtrees (M) 10.9k // I lost this fic once and I searched for it FOR THE LONGEST TIME. But that’s cause I wanted to reread this masterpiece. IT’S SO FUNNY AND CUTE AND DOMESTIC AND UGH. Also the small angst made me SO SAD. But the ENDING? THE KISSES AHHHHHHH. (I’m yelling a lot BUT that’s cause I really love this fic <3333)

hang out fall in love by carafin (T) 8.6k // I love the Makki hates Mattsun initially but then falls for the irresistible charm he posses trope. It might be my favorite trope for MatsuHana specifically LOL. Like I really love this fic and it has MAGIC. It’s like a magical version of the VA one LOL. But like no radio shows or reunited best friends in this one :(

THESE ARE VERY ANGST!!!!!!!

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k // THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

The Truth Comes Out by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon (T) 10.2k // this made me so sad and empty after I read it. Like I just sat there being like wtf did I just read I’m sad now. Again read the tags, there is a suicide attempt but there’s also some cheating in this one. This one also ends happy. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

New:

kiyala // this writer has a LOT of fluffy MatsuHana and I really love their works! It’s just all (for the most part) really cute and there’s a lotta blurred lines and boundaries that get cleared up (they define what their relationship is but with ~love~) in their fics :) My fav? Making Sense by kiyala (T) 1.5k // it’s very cute and I am one who loves when things just fall into place :D

tookumade // this writer has some of MY FAVORITE MatsuHana fics in it and I’m kinda really sad I don’t get to ramble on about them here :( (dw I will elsewhere LOL) If I had to choose, I would say Remind Me by tookumade (T) 28.6k and Zenith, Nadir by tookumade (T) 10.7k were my absolute favorites, but I cannot choose between them so don’t make me.

plumtrees // I LOVE THIS WRITER OMG. Again, someone who has written my all time FAVORITE fics (did I mention OF ALL TIME?) and I’ve obsessively read some of them too many times :’) Because I already recommended my other faves above, Captured Light by plumtrees (T) 3.5k will be my acting favorite rn. It’s really cute and depicts some really sweet moments between MatsuHana too!

h_lovely // this writer has SO MANY GOOD FICS! I really love their series and their getting together fics are all SO GOOD UGH. I recommended my favorite teen one above, but the other ones I loved are explicit so just check out this writer in general LOL. (I REALLY love mirror flower, water moon, it’s my favorite but it’s E cause some smexy scene happen, but it’s really SO good omfg. Also the roses series IS AMAZING as well!!!!)

cream puffs and carnations; by crossbelladonna (series) 11.6k // AU SERIES!!! I love the AU’s in this series and I really liked the prompts they chose for this MatsuHana week :D My favorite from this series might’ve been there he is again by crossbelladonna (T) 1.6k cause a) I love the mattsun hc in this (for his appearance) and b) IT’S CUTE :D I definitely related to Makki and his not very subtle crushing, and also I like the IwaOi + Makki as friends trope (and then they meet Mattsun), if you couldn’t tell yet LOL.

on the anatomy of crushes by carafin (T) 2.3k // (kinda cp but not LOL) it’s very short and cute and I love it a lot LOL. I love medical AU’s (even though it’s very back burner LOL), but also, like Mattsun saves the day is the move. Like the dedication he has even going on the bus? Especially for a guy? Amazing. I could never :’)

Parallel Lines by orphan_account (T) 16.3k // IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE CONSTANTLY. I hate math. Just putting that out here. And while it’s a math fic, IT? IS? SO? GOOD???? And like I love it when characters are smart, like I love intelligent characters so like this was just ajndf. (also same Mattsun, I am allergic to normal math.) 

live it up, drink it in by punybastard (T) 2.1k // GAH this one! This is a pretty iconic fic in MatsuHana hell (in my personal opinion) and if I didn’t have that two fic limit on my staple fics, this would be there. I really loved the ending of it (v cute and v well done), but also the small side stories that were inserted made it all the more entertaining :D (aka the volleyball) But they are drinking underage, so if you’re not about that BE WARNED.

it's cold out here by bishounen_curious (M) 8.6k // PLEASE I LOVE THIS FIC. YES READ YESYESYES READ. OKAY FIRST check tags and warnings, there’s a lot going on in this fic. Like don’t be stupid like them, drinking underage, and don’t do drugs not a good idea very very bad. Aside from that, I am in love with sad sad sad Makki (along with stupid IwaOi) and him being a sad drunk made me ajhkjdfs. Just read it and feel the akfnakjs with me LMFAO.

poolside by tothemoon (T) 4.1k // I’m starting this out with I LOVE the ending and I REALLY LOVE the way this confession panned out. It’s such a great concept and it made me ajhfldshf inside!!! Also, recursive endings are some of my favorites (if you couldn’t already tell LOL), and I think it really makes something so nostalgic and adds depth to a fic.

The Courage of Stars by FairyLights101 (T) 7.1k // AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC YES!!!! OKAY TW CANCER THERE’S CANCER IN THIS NO DEATH JUST PAIN and chemo (which basically is pain). Some controversy, but the angst part of me wanted him to die DONT GET ME WRONG, I’m glad he lived, but like imagine. I really love this fic, and his efforts in the bucket list were admirable :’)

we could be the greatest team by anyadisee (T) 5.7k // it’s my crack fic :D Yes, this is just Seijoh messing around, boys being boys, relationships being compared with other relationships. No pining, just me with my established relationships (and Iwa fanclubs cause those are a thing. ALWAYS).

Wet Your Whistle by darkmagicalgirl (E) 5.4k // SMUT ALERT okay but like while it’s a major plot point (lmfao I can’t believe myself), the storyline itself is good. Also, I’m all here for bartender Makki and tattoo Makki and not subtle at all Makki and basically everything Makki. I like banter and stupidity okay?

[obnoxious clucking noises] by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.4k // some more crack fic for you <3333 Literally, just idiots being idiots. That’s the fic. LMFAO but seriously, I would like to participate as well,,,,, I have yet to lose a game of gay chicken cause of my lack of fear akdjaslk.

that's what you get (for waking up in vegas) by skittidyne (T) 4.2k // THIS IS SO FUNNY. I love Elvis cause he’s always officiating marriages in my fics LMFAO. But also IwaOi in this added some real nice comedy, and overall another crack fic but I really liked this one (AGAIN LMFAO).

A Bouquet of Flours by guyfierimpreg (G) 5.2k // first I want to know how they got the flour to scream, I just can’t figure it out so if anyone would like to send me pictures that’d be great. Second, they would do this bs and this is all canon. I said what I said, and I don’t take criticism. Like, matsuhana best parents proven by the magical mishaps fic (LMAO).

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic (renaissance) (M) 2.1k // okay I just wanted to say that the accuracy in the math stuff being mentioned makes me feel like this writer was in calc ab or something and that’s trauma right there. Anyways, it’s a texting fic kinda sorta getting together kinda sorta not? Idk how to explain it, but it was funny and then smut LMFOAJIAHFSJS (the derail was just like IwaOi in gay chicken, someone call the police LMFAO).

nebulas by tothemoon (T) 10.8k // I like the casualness of it. Like the confession was just so casual (smooth Mattsun) and like the progression was GOOD. Like, it’s a very poetic fic and there’s lots of thinking of deeper meaning, but its still got some comedy sprinkled throughout. I really loved the flow of it!!!!

my heart beats for contract law by orphan_account (T) 4.4k // I too would have a breakdown over school (me pretending like I haven’t already done that ahaha), but I really love so many things about this fic! Everything was just so ajsdfljdsn and I really love the 3 part plan Mattsun comes up with :DDDD (esp pt 3). Also, to propose while having an emotional breakdown at 3am in a McDonalds drive through. A mf dream.

Reflex by hiuythn (T) 2.3k // PLEASE IF THEY DIDN’T MEET AT HS THIS WOULD BE CANON ASF. You cannot tell me you don’t think this would not be cannon asf. They would meet like this. Also poor Teuchi stuck in the middle of all of this. I haven’t watched naruto, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is random emotional sexual bonding over something. That is important. (THE ENDING AJKFHKJ)

You're in Pink (and I'm in blue) by Hyeyu (T) 4.4k // whooooo Hanahaki whooo anyway, despite how it seems, I like the hanahaki trope. I don’t fully understand it sometimes (most of the time tbh), but it adds some nice angst and desperate confessions, and I do appreciate those :D Honestly, I really liked the way this fic panned out, and I felt really bad for Iwa LOL.

stranger things by tinypersonhotel (G) 10.2k // I really like this one :D:D:D I love Makki + Oikawa friendship and they’re really the best to each other :’) The ending was satisfying, and the PLOT omg. It was SO good. I feel like I say this a lot though LOL, but I’m just really into fics with good plot progression (or else I don’t read them OOPS).

something of a disaster by latenights (T) 1.4k // chaos ahahhaha. Another crack fic? I hope no one is surprised LOL. It’s just a really short and simple, cute getting together fic with a LOT of insults LOL. I love this one in particular, “Tooru’s dinner special”.

snakes, meth labs and something like love by orphan_account (G) 3.6k // THE ROOMMATE AD PLEASE. I honestly would never think Oikawa would get a snake, but that doesn’t matter LOL. This was me indulging myself in the makki IwaOi best friends and mattsun stranger agenda but it’s a great agenda okay? It’s a good fic and there’s a microwaved fish :D

Lemonade by carriecmoney (T) 4.1k // okay once again, responsible drinking and don’t drink underage bad idea smh. But MatsuHana just making out where they want? I could see that. Yeah. Anyway, as much as public make out seshes make me *gag* feel embarrassed, what made me feel more *gag* embarrassed was the fact that the girls? just? stood? there? Like why are you watching this. Is that just me? I feel like they should’ve left smh.

surprise, surprise by airblends (T) 7.6k // some more pining and dancing around the issue whoooo. As much as I hate them not getting to the point (almost as much as I hate misunderstandings), it was a great fic. This is nosebleed c*ck block (idk if I needed to censor that but I did fight me).

A God for Every Season by timkons (T) 18.4k // I love the Hades and Persephone trope! Okay, I just love mythology leave me be, but anyway I really love a lot of this fic. Like how Mattsun thinks it’s a little brighter with Makki? CUTE I LOVE. But also, the fish funeral is ridiculous but also very on brand for Oikawa. And some BokuKuroo (idk is that their ship) in here as well :DDD

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City by AngryKitten (T) 4.4k // literally it is the title. Just you know, looking for the best place to cry in the city,,,, I’d like to say, don’t cat call people cause we’re not about that here. Even if it worked out for them, just don’t do it :/ Also don’t follow strangers. I feel like that’s a given but jic ya know?

this isn't exactly how i thought i'd be spending my adult years by jadedpearl (NR) 7.5k // okay petty Makki is yes and so is my Makki + IwaOi agenda LOL. (I’m thriving here can’t you tell? Yes regular skype/phone calls constantly) Anyway, blackouts and sickness really be here getting people together. (I’m asking nicely, nike.) And Makki is smooth with his words. (SHORTER MEN MADE ME LAUGH)

chocolate by tellalie (T) 3.6k // the dedication in this fic was amazing. Like making a whole a cake? Someone go do that for me. (For mankind.) Fake dating is really something else, but fake dating to out gag your best friends? Seems like I need to step up my game (but no seriously, my best friends are PDA monsters I hate it here). Also practice confessions are wack.

FINALLY I MADE IT. You don’t know how many times I almost gave up on finishing LMFAO. Is this my longest list? Idk. But I just know that I would’ve finished faster if I didn’t end up rereading almost every fic on this list LMFAO. Like no seriously I almost had to make a post saying this wouldn’t be coming out cause I got distracted by one of the longer fics (I’m blaming Mirror Flower, Water Moon specifically). But I hope you enjoyed this, and once again go thank that anon for spurring me into finishing this list LMFAO (am I a horse? Yea, probably but if one thing, I’m not sturdy).

[livefordrama]

Reviewing Dramas I Have Watched Part 6

It’s been a while; I haven’t been able to watch a lot between school and just life. Not to mention the time I do have is spent doing buddy watches of kdramas I have already seen with my friends and family (On teleparty of course.) Again, here is my rating system:  1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again (or for movies may watch again), 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved

Korean Drama

Melting Me Softly: 3/5

Melting Me Softly is about a guy and s girl who get cryogenically frozen for an experiment for what was meant to be only a day. Unfortunately, something happens, and the 24-hour experiment turns into 20 years. Now they have to deal with the changes of not only their family and friends but the world and society as a whole all while trying to uncover the darker secrets behind the experiments.

I gave this a 3 because while the earlier and later episodes were amazing and hilarious, the episodes in the middle of the season bored me. I am not much of a romance person unless it is either subtle or played out a specific way and the romance in this wasn’t my personal cup of tea so it just got boring for me. On its good episodes though, it was funny, sad, and cute. I really did like the dynamic between the two main characters and the romance is pretty good, just a little slower in the middle of the series. The relationships with the family members of the two were so cute and so sad, I loved the all the scenes where the mains got to interact with their families. I did feel awkward and weird about the second-lead, I’m not sure if he counts as a second lead but for lack of a better term that’s what I’m calling him. I love Choi Bo-Min as an actor, and it had nothing to do with his acting, just the whole situation was uncomfortable to me. That other guy who doesn’t even deserve to be the second-lead, if you watch it you know, the stalker one, I despise that man. Not once during the entire show did I like one of his scenes. That could be why I didn’t enjoy the middle scenes as much cause he found a way to worm his way into almost every scene and I would get so annoyed with him. This show does have its good points and bad points, so I would recommend it for those who like romance with a little bit of suspense and humor.

Welcome to Waikiki (season 1): 3/5

Welcome to Waikiki is about a group of friends who own and attempt to run a guesthouse together. When they find a baby left behind in one of their rooms, they have to find out how to take care of her and find her mother. This becomes even more complicated when the mother returns in tears saying she had no where else to go and didn’t want her baby to suffer. After hearing about her troubles, they decide to take the two in, in exchange for help working at the guesthouse. It follows the group and mother as they try to figure out how to take care of a baby, save their failing guesthouse, and achieve their own dreams, all while falling in love.

This show was hilarious, I watched it because everyone was talking about how funny it was and I agree. I especially love how it focused on all the characters instead of picking just one or two and focusing on them. I love when shows really work on all their characters and this show played it out so well. Not one was neglected and I didn’t feel like any of them were underdeveloped by the end, and Sol was super cute! I loved every single one of her scenes, she was so funny and sassy and I know she is just a baby but she is amazing. I watched some episodes on the tv and my sisters even made comments on how cute she was when they looked up at the TV, even though they didn’t watch it. I enjoyed the ending and how it all played out and tied together nicely. 

It was a delight for the first two thirds of the season. However, yet again that romance hit and the humor kinda dissipated to be replaced by the romance for a good few episodes. While it was admittedly cute, and I adored the romance scenes in the last few episodes, most romance scenes gave me such second-hand embarrassment I had to pause the show for a while and gain the courage to restart it. I did enjoy it but would probably only ever rewatch the first two thirds and maybe the last two or so episodes. It reminds me of Love With Flaws in the second-hand embarrassment romance scenes, so if you enjoyed that show, definitely give this one a chance. If you like romance, humor, and can handle the second-hand embarrassment stuff I highly recommend this one! It’s super cute and hilarious!

Missing Nine: 5/5                                

Trigger Warning: Plane crash, Blood, Injuries, Suicide attempts, Murder

Missing Nine is about a girl who gets hired as a stylist for an arrogant and cold idol. On her first day, the plane they are all riding on to an event crashes on a vacant island. Only nine of them survive the crash and must now fight to survive and be found all while struggling with the betrayal of one of their friends who began to murder them one by one.

I really enjoyed this one, it was my perfect type of show; angst, suspense, subtle romance, crime, found family. The only issue I had with it was the unrealistic ending, I just don’t understand how it is possible and don’t know how I even personally feel about it. I am also probably one of the very few people who didn’t watch it for Chanyeol, don’t get me wrong I am an Exol too, but like really new Exol. You can skip this parenthesis if you want, it’s a kpop tangent. (I am a huge multistan. I love all the kpop groups I have listened to so far and have all the dalcomsoft games minus Gfriend even though I love them, cause I feel like it’s going to be a BTS superstar and get deleted so it’s not worth my time or efforts. Feel free to talk to me about any group and any member. If I don’t know them, I would be happy to find new ones so even if they are not well known or new, don’t feel worried about squealing to me about them, I would love to make kpop/kdrama loving friends.) I watched for Jung Kyung-ho and only when I started did I see Chanyeol which was cool to find. This also means POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT I wasn’t disappointed or biased after a certain episode like many of the people I saw raging in the Tvtime comments, not saying this in a bad way just stating that since I am neutral on certain events, I will be focusing on specifically the plot and how I felt about said plot versus how I feel about characters. SPOILER ALERT OVER

Overall I really loved this show, it was certainly an emotional roller coaster. I felt that it could have had a second season or a spin off to tie up that last little cliffhanger but I personally and satisfied with how the main issue wrapped up, other than that one weird ending scene. If you like angst, suspense, crime, and a little romance seen in an enemies to lover type of trope then I highly recommend this show. I gave it a 5 cause I personally loved it and am already planning on rewatching it with my friend. It does have a lot of blood and injuries so if you are sensitive to that, I wouldn’t recommend it to you. 

Because this is my first life: 5/5

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Attempted R@pe (but it didn’t get far at all, just be careful)

Because this is my first life is about a woman (Ji-ho) who has to find a new place to live as her brother is getting married and her parents gave the son the apartment that they had bought for both their children. Because of many misunderstandings and coincidences, she accidentally rents a new apartment with a very strict and stoic man (Se-hee). Due to more problems, the two come to an agreement that they should get married since they both can gain something from it. The woman gains a place to stay and the man gains a tenant to help pay the bills, no more, no less.

Okay, so while I said that I didn’t like romance this is the exception, much like Shopping King Louie, it was just a really cute slow burn that I thoroughly enjoyed watching. Many people in the fandom, on TV time at least, were giving Se-hee a hard time and saying he was using and manipulating Ji-ho but I didn’t see it that way. She consented and never voiced anything other than that and the deal was for her to stay in the apartment since she needed a place to live and he needed someone to help pay bills. He didn’t ask for anything more, she was already following his schedule before the marriage issue and was just fine and accepting when they decided to get married. Neither had any expectations of falling in love, they just both needed something that marriage would help them gain and both consented to it. Later on, Se-hee even asked her if any advances were okay and backed off when they weren’t with no questions asked which I find admirable. Okay, rant over. It was cute and at times annoying cause you just want them to get together already. I laughed so hard in so many episodes and cried in a few too. The cat was so adorable and I love the interactions the main’s had with the little fluff. The best, and sometimes most painful, bonding moments between the main’s were the ones that dealt with the cat. I wasn’t too fond of the love triangle but was pleased with how it actually played out with the two women actually accepting each others presence instead of being horrible to each other for the most part. Highly recommend it to any romance lovers, and especially to those who are fans of shows like Shopping King Louie as mentioned above.

Flower boy next door: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Stalking, Panic Attacks, Sensory overload, Bullying, Teacher Crushes and Manipulation of Such

Flower boy next door follows Dok-mi, a young woman with crippling social anxiety to the point she never leaves her apartment. From her window she watches her across the street male neighbor every day, taking note of his entire schedule. This all comes back to bite her when her neighbor’s brother comes to visit from Spain and catches her. What starts as an attempt to make her stop stalking her brother, quickly progresses into a mission to help her overcome her past, anxiety, and to get out of the house and adapt back to a healthy social life. As this mission goes on the two begins to realize they have feelings for each other, but Dok-mi’s own next-door neighbor has his own mission of getting her to stay inside and fall in love with him. He has been writing a web comic about her being a modern Rapunzel and has been in love with her for many years.

I enjoyed this one, I watched it cause the actor from Psychopath Diary starred in it and it was really cute. The romance was adorable, and the whole telepathy thing was a great addition that made me laugh. I love the whole adorable dork male with quiet cold girl trope so much. I didn’t like the whole stalking situation very much, it’s just kinda weird and was something that made me really uncomfortable during the first few episodes. I wasn’t a huge fan of the next-door neighbor, he just seemed like an enabler to me and I found myself angry through most of his scenes, as well as through most of Dok-mi’s childhood friend’s scenes. Other than those two characters, I enjoyed it well enough. I know some people can get annoyed by each characters flaws but I usually am good with morally grey characters as long as they learn from their mistakes. Some did in this show and there was a lot of character development and some didn’t which is realistic but makes me kind of sad. I recommend it to people who like a cute romance show with some angst and don’t mind morally grey characters.

Web-drama/Mini-series

Ghost Vros: 4/5

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Death, Some gore, Jump scares.

Ghost Vros follows two young men who are trying to start up a business where they hunt ghosts using virtual reality software. The main character is able to sense the ghost through his ears turning red and his friend programs the virtual realty to make sure the main has everything he needs to catch the ghosts.

I liked this one, it was fast like many web dramas are, but really interesting. I did attempt to translate it myself with my, admittedly little, Korean knowledge before finding the English subs (which you won’t be able to find now that Youtube has rudely removed community subs, unless it’s uploaded somewhere else. If someone finds it please let me know.) I was always engaged during the show and wasn’t bored at any point. It did have some confusing points and I wish we got more backstory as there was mentions of some interesting things that was never explored further, but it is a web drama, so that is more than likely too much to ask for. Recommend to anyone who enjoys a quick comedy ghost story.

 Cats Taste and Cat Bartender: 5/5

Cat’s Taste and Cat Bartender follow three cat gods who run a bar at night to make money for their injured owner. At this bar, they give upset humans cocktails which enable them to either posses said human or go into a dream world, this isn’t really clear, and correct the issue in exchange for items the cats find interesting on top of the alcohol cost.

This show was so cute, I absolutely loved and couldn’t stop smiling. I got the first season, Cat’s Taste, on my youtube recommend and decided to watch it since I was bored. I am so glad I did, I got super excited when I saw that there is a second season as well and spent forever trying to hunt it down before a kind person on MyDramaList put a link to the English subs in a comment (if anyone needs it, I will be happy to send it.) Both seasons were amazing, and I am hoping for a season three as the ending looks like it might be set up for one. The way they showed the bartending moves was so pretty and satisfying and I liked how all three cats got to show their moves instead of just the one.  I don’t like alcohol, have tried many kinds many times to but just don’t, however this show makes me want to drink the mixed drinks even though I know I would hate the taste.

Also, is it just me or does Ms. Hana remind anyone of Johnny from NCT? I don’t know if she looks like him or what, sometimes someone reminds me of someone else and the two look nothing alike. Don’t know what that’s all about but let me know because I could not shake the feeling that she reminded me of Mr. Johnny from Chicago. Anyway, tangent aside, I highly recommend to someone who like a quick but cute drama.

Korean Movies

Beautiful Vampire: 3/5

Beautiful Vampire is about a female vampire who tries to avoid people due to her nature, but has all that shattered when she runs into her landlady’s son one night and begins to fall in love.

This movie was pretty good, but a little confusing. I couldn’t even write a proper plot explanation cause I was just so confused. I honestly felt like a fever dream, though a relatively interesting fever dream. I wish we had more information and backstory cause it just kinda felt like a rollercoaster ride of pining. It ended okay; I mean I was bored at the time, so it was something to do. If I am bored in the future, I might watch it again. I agree with most on TvTime when they say, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, it was just something to do. I feel like the story line needed more work done and that it ended too fast and progressed in such a way that it was hard to follow. If you are bored or have nothing to do, give it a try, you might like it more than I did.

Chinese Drama

Take My Brother Away: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Alcohol Abuse

Take My Brother Away is based on a web comic about two siblings living with their alcoholic, debtor father in China, after their mom filed for a divorce and left. It follows the two as they go to school, work, and try to live a normal life. The sister hates her brother for being lazy and not being able to help her get what she wants, and the brother gets annoyed at the sister for always getting violent with him and nagging him.

I loved this one, it was really interesting to see the dynamic between the family. I felt that the brother should have been given more credit in the beginning for all he does for his sister and I felt really sorry for the sister because she just wanted to be like the other students who could afford to read web comics or go on trips. Some episodes were hilarious, some were heartbreaking, some were admittedly annoying, some gave me secondhand embarrassment. I just love it all, the only reason I give it a three is because I wouldn’t watch all 50 episodes again, I loved it but some were more on the boring side like filler episodes and I just, don’t think I’ll ever watch the whole series again. I can defiantly say however, I will probably watch most of the episodes again. I enjoyed the ending though it was admittedly on the strange side, and felt it was wrapped up nicely. There was a lot of character development too which is always great. I recommend this to those who enjoy some dysfunctional family humor and some angst and who are able to commit to long seasons.

 Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

[juminsmysticmc]

Can I request the RFA suddenly meet old friends who were very close to them (maybe in their childhood, highschool,..), our boys said she's a good person but they're trying to separate the relationship between MC and the RFA (the RFA didn't notice this).MC told them about this and the RFA did not believe her, then they got into a fight, mc got hurt accidentally, plz.I love the angst, but can u make a happy ending?If it’s too much u don’t have to do it. I love ur blog btw, hope u have a great day!

Trigger Warning 

RFA meeting an old friend of MC who acts nice but want to actually separate their relationship but only trusting Mc after she got hurt in an accident 

Ohh hey! This is a really good request! It also would have been an amazing FanFic! Well, I hope you enjoy this Headcanon! Please feel free to tell me your opinion! And by the way, I also love angst with a happy end! Thank you for your kind words!

PS. the headline says trigger warnings because I am unsure if this could trigger you guys so please read with caution. 

You watched the group chat as the RFA was discussing whether to accept your friend as an RFA member. Everyone loved her; the woman who once was your best friend. The person who knew you the best. But she was also the person who hurt you the most. The lies she said, the actions with bad intentions… Everything came to you as more and more flashbacks. Ever since that happened back in University, you tried your best to cut contact. However, your love for her was bigger, and instead of cutting off the toxic friendship, she managed to make you become the loneliest person on the campus, destroying your faith and innocent heart for other people. You swore to yourself that you would never ever trust other people. Not until you met the RFA and your partner. They made you feel strong, positive about relationships, and managed to show you support whenever you needed it. But right now, that bad time was coming back. As if nothing changed, history repeated and people began to love her more than you. At least it seemed like that in your head. You decided to approach the person you thought would always support you. At least, you thought so.

Jumin

,,Jumin,“ you spoke up.

Your husband looked up from his phone as a smile decorated his face.

,,You never told me that you had such good friends,“ he spoke up first.

,,Well, actually, she isn’t a good friend to me. You know, maybe you guys shouldn’t hang out with her so much… she did some kind of hurtful things to me and-” you stopped as you saw Jumin’s face.

Why was he looking at you with that face?

As if you did something wrong, as if you were the bad person, just why?

,,You were the one who taught me to trust people!“ Jumin defended the woman who hurt you so deeply.

You tried to explain to him what happened.

,,She lied to me and to my friend! Because of her, I thought that my friend deceived me and vice versa!“ you told him.

How could he not trust you?

,,Maybe that was because you didn’t try to clear the misunderstanding,“ he told you, making you feel as if someone stabbed you in your back.

You rushed outside. You didn’t care about Jumin behind you, calling your name, and asking you to stop.

A fearful cry from him caused you to make a fatal mistake, looking back at him and not noticing the racing car which was approaching you.

The hit hurt so much. Your body crushed against the car and back on the hard floor, making you lose consciousness…

,,Mc! You‘re awake?!“ someone called your name.

You couldn’t really see the one who stood in front of you, but you knew perfectly well that this voice belonged to Jumin.

Even though you were still unable to move your limbs, you could feel Jumin kissing your hand.

,,I am sorry, that I… we didn’t trust you…“ he spoke up, making you notice that the RFA was there too.

,,Your friend won’t enter the RFA. Instead, we tried our best to make her go away forever,“‘ Seven laughed and began to explain how he found messages on her phone to get rid of you.

Zen

But you were kind of wrong.

Zen wasn‘t on your side at all. Instead,  he was on her‘s.

Once again, he was on the phone with her, laughing at something she told him.

At that point, you cursed the day you met her with Zen at the entertainment company.

With a fake smile, she hugged you and whined that you didn’t contact her anymore.

However, you knew that she hurt you a lot.

And Zen apparently came to like her a lot.

So much so that she was already visiting the whole RFA as if you were the newcomer.

,,You don’t understand how much she destroyed!“ you whined.

,,TRUE! I DON‘T! You're just jealous, Mc!“ he told you.

Lies, you thought.

Lies.

Like always. Lies.

You took your back and rushed out, not looking back at Zen or evening caring about telling him something.  

And then, without anyone noticing, you got into an accident.

While the paramedics were trying to save you, Zen was busy tidying up the room since your friend would come over.

Of course, the guilty was eating him from the inside, but right now he couldn’t change it.

And before Zen could keep on tidying up, the long-haired found something he shouldn’t read.

You diary.

The diary which page for page was about her, the one who caused your first panic attack, who made you think for two years that she was seriously sick, the one who played you against your friends.

And at that point he knew he screwed up.

Afterward, everything went over quickly.

Zen got called by the police, who told him that as you walked, you got hit by a stone that fell from a balcony and you were currently hospitalized.

At the same time, the girl who he thought was your friend passed by.

Zen couldn’t do differently and bashed her, telling her to literally fuck off before he would hit a girl for the first time.

,,I'm sorry,“ he sobbed late at night, your eyes still closed.

,,If you won’t wake up, I will fall asleep with you… so you’re free to choose yourself, whatever it will be. This time I will stay loyal to you,“

,,Dummy… of course I would choose life,“ you mumbled.

Yoosung

,,You’re my husband… why can’t you be loyal to me…?“ you begged him.

He just watched you as you shed tears in front of him, unable to give you an answer.

,,I just want you to trust me. Why do other people always come first? Am I not enough?

If the world was ending, wouldn’t I be enough? Do you need other people so bad?“ you sobbed.

,,Mc, I don’t understand your problem. We met your friend after such a long time and now you want us all to break contact? She’s so nice!“ Yoosung tried to explain, trying to touch you.

However, you flinched and stepped away.

,,Don’t touch me. If you don’t trust me, don’t touch me. I won’t forgive you for not trusting me… You’re unfair… Everyone is unfair… Why can’t you guys care about me? Why can’t you care about me the same way I care about you? Why is it always me who has to endure pain alone? Why?!“ you asked him and before he could stop you, you already ran off with the car key.

,,Mc is already missing for about three hours and isn’t answering her phone!“ Yoosung whined into the phone.

,,Don’t worry. And besides, it’s okay if she doesn’t come back.

Mc’s always been like this, as soon as something gets difficult she would go hiding. Don’t worry about her,“ your old friend said.

Yoosung gasped at the words your friend told him.

This wasn’t the way a friend should behave.

Without saying anything, Yoosung cut the call and instead called Seven, who immediately searched you.

,,Oh, oh… Oh my god,“ he gasped.

,,What?? Why? Seven??“ Yoosung cried.

,,Calm down, little man! I am going to pick you up, okay? Don’t freak out…“ Seven said and already cut the call to pick him up.

When the two of them arrived at the hospital, the other RFA members were already waiting in the parking lot.

Finally Seven spilled the tea, saying that he saw in the CCTV and that you were in an accident.

,,Two days already passed, Mc...the bad girl wasn’t accepted into the RFA so when you wake up, don’t worry. No one will replace you… and whatever she did back then, she won’t succeed another time… because we will stay by your side,“ Yoosung whispered before he fell asleep next to you.

,,Thank you…“

Jaehee

Tears kept flowing.

The thick drops were even louder than your breathing as you replayed what just happened.

You approached Jaehee to beg her to stay away from your toxic friend.

And then the argument.

You and her, who normally would work together, fought this time.

You even forgot what triggered you.

You just remembered how you got outside; alone in the dark.

The street lamp was the only thing illuminating the next five steps in front of you.

Suddenly, you shrieked as a dark figure approached you.

Fear was written all over your face and you were sure that the person in front of you could see that.

,,Who… are you?“ you whispered, trying your best to sound brave, but failing.

Instead, a sob left your mouth, making the stranger smirk.

The street echoed as you screamed as loudly as you could while the stranger stabbed you.

All he wanted was money.

You would have given it to him if he had just asked.

,,MC!“ you heard Jaehee and saw then her face.

And then darkness surrounded you.

,,She was always so stupid. That‘s why no one liked her back then in school.

It’s just better if you turn off the machines,“ you heard the one you once called your friend say.

You tried your best to open your eyes or say something, anything so that they wouldn’t kill you.

Anything, but nothing worked.

,,Please go. I don’t think that the RFA needs another member,“ you heard Jaehee say.

,,Don’t worry,“ she whispered and stroked your head.

,,I just realized everything and I will protect you,“ she kissed you, making you fall asleep in comfort.

Saeyoung

,,I thought since you’re a hacker you could see all her wrongdoings! But apparently, you’re blind!“ you hissed at him as you tried to beg him not to let her into the RFA.

However, you were already too late and realized that this ,,friend“ of yours already had all the data about the RFA.

Jumin said that maybe if you would give half the load of work to her so you wouldn’t work that much.

It would make it lighter for you.

In other words, you weren’t doing good enough.

They didn’t trust you with the work you were doing.

It hurt you.

It was a deep stab.

But you could keep going if your fiancé supported you.

Instead, he even did what the other person wanted.

No one trusted you.

You couldn’t trust anyone anymore either.

,,Someone leaked information about the RFA!“ the chat was in a fuss.

You knew who it was since you stopped working ever since she came into the RFA.

,,Mc was it! I can log in and see her email! Here‘s a screenshot.

Mc, how could you?

Why did you make the same mistake as back then in school?“ she typed in the chat.

You had to read the line four times until you realized that she was blaming you.

,,I’m disappointed,“ Saeyoung wrote.

That’s when you went you logged out and closed the app.

So she finally attacked you again, huh?

You were already waiting for it.

,,Mc!“ Saeran asked you and barged into the room.

,,You don’t trust me either, huh?“ you asked him, getting up and packing your stuff.

,,No, wait!“ your fiancé‘s brother tried to call you, to grab you.

However, it ended with you slapping his hand away, losing balance, and crashing down the stairs.

,,Did you push her?“ Saeyoung asked his brother.

,,ME?! WHY? I like her! And perhaps I do more than you! It’s your fault! If you would have trusted her, she wouldn’t have felt like that! If you would have supported her better… her friend faked the email. She was the one who leaked out the information,“ Saeran hissed, got up and left the hospital room, leaving an unconscious you behind him.

The next week, Saeyoung worked on finding out whether his brother was right or not and quickly kicked out the woman everyone thought was your friend.

,,From now on, I will trust you and listen to you. So open your eyes that you can scold me, okay?“ Saeyoung whispered and smiled as he saw your finger twitching.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

16.06.2020// 22:37 MEST

[bananxjin]

Trophy Wife || 7

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 3,641

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ TRIGGER WARNINGS: Swearing, emotional, verbal, and some physical abuse. Non-Consensual kiss. Gaslighting. Possessive behavior. Reader feels trapped. Touru manhandles Reader. Mentions of bruising on the wrist/arms. There’s a moment where Touru attempts to undress her, but nothing happens. Insecurity and second guessing. Mentions of being kicked out. Most of the bad stuff is in the very beginning if that helps. Chapter ends on a sad note.

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa​, @vanillanjin​

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted – You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

(A/N PLEASE READ: I promise things are going to be much smoother sailing going forward, and this should be the only chapter that will be like this. This Is a Heads Up: This chapter is emotionally draining and could be triggering to some. This chapter will contain brief mentions of light physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. More details mentioned in the TW above as I didn’t want to blindside anybody. This is the final warning. Please proceed with caution.)

✨ Masterlist ✨

“You’re quitting that fucking job.”

“No I’m not! I enjoy having that job!” You passed your fiance in a huff, dropping your bag and keys on the dining table before you were spinning around to face him again. “It gives me a chance to get out of the house! To actually talk to people! Touru, I don’t wanna hang out around here all day--”

“Then you can start coming in to work with me since you need constant attention like a fucking dog!” His cheeks were tinged a slight pink, and his blond hair had been messed up a bit from the wind, but it only made him look angrier. Unapproachable even. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you tried to speak your next words softly.

“Touru. We don’t have kids yet. The house still stays clean, and there’s still dinner on the table at the end of the day. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

If looks could kill, you’d be dead where you stand. Touru’s furious glare burned a hole directly through your face and into the forefront of your mind. You wouldn’t let it upset you, though. This was just a misunderstanding. Something the two of you could work through. Just like you always have.

He addressed you with a dangerously low tone of voice. “You know very well what my “Problem” is, (Y/n). You walked out on his fucking arm tonight!” He gripped onto the back of one of your kitchen chairs tightly, leaning all of his weight into it as if it were his last leg of support, both emotionally and physically. All the while, he kept his head down and his eyes sealed shut.

“Touru…” Although you called out to him softly, your eyes were anything but. All the questions you had for him, begging to understand your lover's obsession with Seokjin; to just let you into his mindset, to help you make sense of it all. To make things right. But he’s never let up; not once.

“Touru, ever since I got this job, you’ve been obsessed with Jin, I don’t understand--”

“Oh, so it’s just Jin now?”

“That’s what he asked me to call him!” You quickly defended. “Please, I just want to understand! Do you know him? Did he say something to you?! Tell me!”

Touru pushed the chair away from him. Forcefully so; enough for it to topple and send it clattering across the kitchen floor, but the sound hardly registered in your mind. In just a few quick seconds, Touru was stomping towards you, filling your vision and closing the space between your two bodies. He aggressively took hold of your wrists and slammed them into the wood behind you. The air escaped your lungs in a violent huff as he crushed his lips against yours. It wasn’t even what you would consider a kiss, more like a means to shut you up. He was as quick to pull off as he was to initiate it.

“Touru--”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize him at the restaurant?” He sneered, leaning in closer. “Or how he worked overnight with you? And you lied to me so I wouldn’t know about it.”

“I-I…” You swallowed around the lump in your throat, “I knew you’d worry if I told you, so I…” Touru pressed his warm lips to your cheek, hushing you.

“You knew I’d worry? Or you knew I’d find out about your little affair?” Your blood ran cold at even the suggestion of you going behind his back with another man. You knew better than to entertain a fling with Jin, and even then, you knew you were in love with Touru. Was that not enough for him?

“Seokjin, he… He didn't do anything. We didn’t do anything. I promise, Touru.” Your voice cracked as he put some space between the two of you. Not much. Just enough for him to look you in the eye. If he acknowledged your defense, he showed no evidence of doing so.

“What about tonight? When I heard you bad mouthing April over that fucking botanical garden shit.” He hissed, “What, were you hoping that arrogant, lanky prick was gonna do something to fix that? Your white knight was going to make it all better? Get you your flower wedding?”

“When-”

“I’m guessing he was the one pushing you to go back into nursing school too, wasn’t he? Since you brought that shit up again!” His voice was booming against your eardrum as his grip tightened like a vice around your arms before slamming them into the door again, causing you to whimper out in pain.

“Tell me, (Y/n): How long has it been since you chose to drop out? Two years? Three, even?” “No, I--”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been checking in on you at your Job,” He enunciated mockingly, “And everytime I do, you’re always hanging off that stupid mans arm like… Like some whore!” Your fingers began to tingle as his grip only got stronger.

“Have you forgotten you’re engaged?! Should I show you who you belong to?!” He demanded. Without waiting for a response, one of his hands released your arm so he could tug your skirt up. His pupils were blown out as his fingers wrestled with your panties, but you furiously fought him off.

“Stop! Stop it!” You thrashed and smacked at his shoulders. Finally wrestling your other arm out of his grip, you gave a harsh shove to his chest, and he stumbled back. There were tears brimming your eyes as your glare met his.

“Jin is my coworker! He’s my friend! That’s all he is; it’s all he’s ever been!” Your voice came out hoarse, “I don’t understand why you’re acting like this!”

“He’s forcing his way into our relationship! He’s ruining my plans!” Touru shouted back, grabbing you by the arms and shaking you with each word that left his mouth. “Why don’t you understand that all he is doing is trying to take you away from me!?”

And just like that, any fight you had left had drained from your body. Your lips were sucked between your teeth, eyes squeezed shut as your body became dead weight against his.

“It’s not like that… It’s not like that at all…”

You dropped your head down, sniffling as you finally felt the warm tears streaming down your cheeks. Forcefully sucking back the snot that had built up in your nose. Touru snarled and shoved you back.

“Cry all you want. It’s not getting you out of the argument this time.” He hissed. Your back hit the door with a soft thud before you were sliding down into a huddled position. Your arms wrapped tight across your body, gripping your shoulders with such force that you could feel the nail indentations in your skin. You kept your face buried in your arms to hide your tear stained cheeks away from Touru. Away from everyone.

“I am done playing these games with you. You have until tomorrow to make a decision.” He huffed, fixing his tie as his tone returned back to normal.

“It’s me or the job.”

Your eyes remained glued to the floor while he silently stalked off without another word. His angry footsteps echoed off the walls around you, like a beating drum pounding against your ears as he moved further and further away until finally. Finally, you heard the bedroom door slam shut.

Your lungs expelled any remnants of air and with it, all the tears you’d been holding back. You felt lightheaded when you could finally breathe in again, your head held tightly in the crooks of your arms as if you were protecting yourself. It was all you could do to keep control of the sobbing and the shaking raking itself through your body in violent waves.

It’s him or the job.

Him or the job.

Him or the job…

You don’t remember falling asleep. Or waking up. Your whole was morning lost in the midst of a hazy blur. You barely got any sleep at all that night, and you had to be at work early for another opening shift. Your energy was beyond depleted, and you weren’t even sure you were going to make it through the day. But the only alternative was going home.

There’s no escape no matter where you turn.

“Hey!” You’re startled by Jin’s sudden hand on your shoulder. “I texted you last night, but you didn’t respond. Was everything okay?” You give him a look like, ‘What do you mean?’ Before pulling your phone out. But you can’t even check your messages before you're caught once again by Jin’s sudden gasp.

“Oh my god, what happened?” He gently took one of your wrists between his hands, but you were quick to pull away and turn your back to him, as if that was going to undo the damage. As if somehow, shutting him out would make all of this go away.

“It doesn’t matter, Jin” You tugged your sleeves down as much as you could to conceal the purple marks. “Look. I had a really rough night last night, and I don’t even want to be here today. I just… Really need some space if you don’t mind.”

Jin was taken back by your nonchalant attitude. “He… Touru didn’t do that to you, did he? Because if he did--”

“No!” You snapped, turning back to him with pinkish cheeks and drawn in brows. “I’m sorry,” You sighed, closing your eyes for a second. “No, I… It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it.”

“(Y/n)… If he’s hurting you, you need to tell someone--” “I don’t think I need you telling me what to do, Seokjin.” You lied through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna get to work. Let me know if you need anything.”

And like that, your walls went right back up again. The whole day, you were no more than a football field's length away at all times, but being shut out by you made it feel so much further. There was a strange wave of déjà vu that would wash over Jin whenever he saw you,  constantly reminding him of the first time he tried to talk to you about Touru. The first time he’d really upset you.

But things are different now…

…Aren’t they?

Somehow Jin felt like this time would be different. Different in a way that maybe he wasn’t ready to see, and the one time he needed to talk to you about it, he wasn’t allowed to. He kept catching glimpses of you throughout the day. Passing by you in a sea of customers or when he’d be making runs to other sections of the store.

There were several times where you’d catch each other’s eye by accident and he’d attempt to smile at you, but you’d just look the other way. Jin couldn’t deny the stinging feeling deep in his chest. The fear that maybe this was the end of your friendship.

He did what he could to give you your space, but working in an environment like this made it difficult. Several times, he had to request your assistance, or he’d find himself in the same dressing room as you, going about his business as if things were normal, but otherwise, he tried his best to stay out of your way. He didn’t speak a word to you. Not because he was upset with you, but to respect your space. In the rare moments he did find himself beside you, you wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence. Either pretending like he wasn’t there, or dashing off without a word. It was painful, but what could he do? What could he say to make it better?

The worst part about all of this is that he knew. He knew Touru put those bruises on your wrists, but here you were at work, going on like everything was normal. Tonight, you’d go home to him and -- What, forgive him? Tell him you love him and pretend like it was normal?

What if she already broke up with him? What if that’s the reason why...

At the end of the day, Jin went home with more questions than answers. Went home wondering about the what ifs and how things could’ve been different had he intervened when he had the chance.

Late into the night, he tried texting you again. He went over the text a thousand times, reading it and re-reading it, hoping it was enough to get a response. At least enough to tell him you’d be okay. But the minutes turned into hours and still, silence. Frustration. Anger. Despair. Restless, but not quite tired enough to fall asleep. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t. All he could do was hope that you were safe and that things wouldn’t change too much. Because above all else…

He didn’t want to lose you.

__

If you were in a movie, this would be it.

This would be the final scene. The one where everything magically fixed itself. The one where the love of your life proves your best friend wrong -- That he can, and he will become a better man. The Right Man. Just for you. He’d be waiting for you in the kitchen with puffy, tear stained eyes and an apology on his lips.

He’d tell you he was wrong. He was wrong for how he acted last night. And he was wrong about Seokjin. He’s been wrong about him this whole time, and it’s okay if you continue to be friends with him.

If this were a movie, this would be your bittersweet ending. Sure, you didn’t fall in love with the best friend character, but you would come out of this with a happy marriage. One that is filled with unconditional love where you’re surrounded by your friends and family. This would be your favorite scene.

But this wasn’t a movie, and the problem wouldn’t magically fix itself. This was the part you’d been dreading all afternoon because until you walked through that front door, you didn’t know what was going to happen.

You thought about it all day; your ultimatum. You thought about the way Touru manhandled you the night before, and the clear indication of what happened having been left behind for people like Jin to see. The part you’ve spent the last five years trying to hide from everyone else.

Your mind had wandered back to your parents relationship while you were growing up; wandered about the times you heard them yelling at each other downstairs, and you questioned if they ever had moments like this. Where everything felt like it was falling apart.

Sure, arguments were bound to happen in any relationship, but were they always meant to make you feel this bad?

Click.

Walking into your house felt like walking into an unknown universe. You stood alone in the kitchen with Touru nowhere in sight, and still you felt alienated.

The setting sun cast a warm glow across your kitchen, stretching along your torso to paint you in a soft orange color. It almost felt like a hug from an old friend. Like somehow, you were being told that things aren’t as bad as they seem.

But that’s a lie. Things have been bad for a long, long time.

You glanced around. The kitchen was spotless just like it had been this morning. The chair had been set upright, although there was a clear mark on the leg where it had skidded across the floor.

Just another reminder…

You felt an obligation to start on dinner. To run off to Touru’s study and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek. Maybe if you could pretend -- You would set the scene, and maybe Touru would go along with it.

“(Y/n)? Is that you?” Touru called out from down the hall.

You didn’t respond at first, instead wanting to gather up the courage to face him, but he was standing in the kitchen archway before long, leaning against the white wood with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Welcome home.” He muttered softly. “Thank you,” You smiled. “How was work?”

He didn’t respond immediately. His eyes darted down to your hands, tightly sealed together by the threads of your fingers. Just beneath your sleeve, he could see the hint of purple bruising peeking out at him. Begging for his attention.

Something seemed to flash in his gaze for a moment, but it vanished before you could address it.

“Work was fine.” He sighed, pushing himself off the wall and allowing his hands to fall at his sides. He finally raised his head back up, looking you in the eye, resembling the same poker faced man you’ve known for half a decade. No guilt or even an ounce of remorse crossed his face. Not a single tear. No apologies. Nothing.

“So? What’s the final verdict?” You swallowed. Now it was your turn to cross your arms. The million dollar question, but here you stood with no answer for him.

You couldn’t do it. You wanted some control; some normalcy that wasn’t just waking up to cook, clean, and do the shopping. You weren’t ready for all the things that came with being a trophy wife, but that didn’t mean you were willing to let go of the only meaningful relationship you’ve ever had either.

You looked down at your toes; at the mark on the chair. Anywhere that wasn’t him hoping there was an easy answer for you to find. But the silence was too heavy and drawn out, and so Touru took that as your answer.

“That’s what I figured.” He sighed, turning away to stroll through the living room. “I’ve laid out some of the suitcases for when you got home. But I want you out tonight.”

“Wait, Touru!” Your voice was laced with panic; your ears rang with fear as you chased after him, heels clacking on the hardwood floor.

“Can we talk about this?” “There’s nothing else to talk about, (Y/n).” His voice was firm in his reply, already having sat back down at his desk. His computer sprung back to life as he fiddled with his mouse, going about his work as if he didn’t just tell you to leave your shared house.

“You have to understand, I enjoy working! It’s not anything to do with you or not wanting to be a mother!” You pleaded, “I get bored and lonely all day, and-”

“I said I’m not discussing this anymore, (Y/n).”

“It’s not fair of you to make this decision on your own! I wanted to go into nursing, and you shot that down! This is only a temporary job that’s meant to last until we get married, and-”

“(Y/n)-”

“We’re still going to get married and everything’s going to be okay! We’re just going through a rough patch right now! I love you so much, and-”

“(Y/N)!” His voice echoed off the walls as he stood out of his office chair abruptly, causing it to knock into his desk. The computer shimmied with force and all his office supply tumbled onto the carpet.

“Do you even care about how I feel?” He asked, shoulders hunched around his ears. “It’s been hurting me these last couple months having to be close to you, knowing that you’re actively lying to me to go spend time with another man.”

“He’s just my coworker, Touru.” You whimpered. “You have five secretaries; all women. All who work very closely with you every single day, and I’ve never once accused you of cheating on me--”

“They’re all married, (Y/n)! They’d never try to come between you and me--” “You don’t even know if Jin’s married! You don’t know anything about him--” “Is he, (Y/n)?!” He demanded suddenly.

“What?”

“Is Seokjin married? Because he acts awfully friendly with you for being a married man.” At that, you fell silent. Once again looking away from him because you didn’t have the right answer.

“That’s what I thought.”

Your eyes filled with tears. “Touru,” You said his name softly, reaching out for him but he jerked away, just out of reach. “Touru, all I’ve been doing is working, and him seeing us at the restaurant was pure coincidence, I promise! I… I had no idea he even worked there…”

“You’ve done nothing but lie to me, (Y/n). Ever since you got this job, that’s all it’s been…” He sighed. ”I don’t trust you right now. I’m sorry.”

And there it was…

The one thing you’ve known; the one thing you’ve been scared of him saying to you for months has finally come out.

“Touru, please…” You couldn’t hardly breathe around the lump in your throat. Your voice became strained and whiny as the tears finally bubbled over. “Please don’t do this! I love you!” You reached for his hand again, but he just snatched it away from you.

“Please! There has to be another way around this! What else can I do?”

Touru shook his head. “I think it’s best if we separate for a while… At least until I feel like I can talk to you again.”

“”So that’s it? You’re just going to get rid of me?” You sniffled, “You’re just going to kick me out of our house--”

“My house.” He corrected, glancing at you from over his shoulder. “It was my money that bought this place--”

“Nobody’s making you pay for all of this on your own! I could easily help you; I want to help you--” “I don’t need your fucking help, (Y/n)!” He sneered at you.

“I need to feel like you love me again.”

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Walk Me Home - Ch 10

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension. 

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 1856

Author’s Note: Had some extra time today, so I figured I’d go ahead and post. We’ve reached the end, folks. Thank you to everyone for reading, reblogging, liking, and especially all the lovely comments. A million thanks to @mskathywriteswords​ , @fangirlxwritesx67​ , and @cracksinthewalls​ for helping my story shine. @thoughtslikeaminefield​ , thank you for the lovely image for the story. I hope everyone enjoyed it all as much as I do. 

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 10

“Sam looks really irritated,” Kimber whispers to Dean. The younger Winchester brother has just excused himself to the restroom, but the diner is pretty quiet, and she doesn’t want to risk Sam overhearing.

“Well, yeah,” Dean says, raising his coffee to take a deep, life-affirming slurp. He doesn’t bother to lower his tone or modulate his pitch in the slightest, and Kimber shoots him an exasperated look. “I stuck him with clean-up duty last night so I could get lucky. Not to mention, our room was the only free one at the motel, remember, so he either slept there or in his car. He’s not irritated, he’s pissed as hell and probably a little jealous.”

“But you didn’t get lucky last night,” Kimber says. 

“Went home with my high school sweetheart, got to see her unmentionables, and spent the whole night in bed with her after eating semi-homemade apple pie. I’d say I got pretty damned lucky.”

She sends an elbow his way, but he’s expecting it and leans back so she overshoots and lands across his lap. She splutters indignantly as she rights herself while he takes another calm drink of his coffee. 

“Seriously, though, he’s not pissed at you. The first few months after we left, the kid wouldn’t shut up about you. He practically worshipped you: hot, nerdy as hell, the whole package. And,” he adds, his teasing expression mellowing to one of genuine appreciation, “you really helped him out with that AP stuff. He got into Stanford because of you.”

“Shut up,” she says, her face heating. “He got into Stanford? That was him, and you know it. I just gave him some resources he didn’t know about, that’s all.”

“And I was able to keep up with all my AP classes no matter where we moved, which was a huge deal to me,” Sam says as he slides into the booth across from them. “You guys talking about me behind my back?”

 “Always,” Dean smirks. “So, what’d you find out?”

“Does the name ‘Jim Weeks’ mean anything to you, Kimber?” 

She frowns, setting her fork down on the edge of her plate. “It does. I helped him out, god, what...eight, nine years ago? He hadn’t been hunting very long, maybe a year or two, and he was investigating some...Let me think, hang on.” She closes her eyes, mentally shifting through years of research, both hers and others’.

“Human sacrifices. There was a symbol carved into all the victims. I helped him find the source, the deity it stood for. It was one of my closed cases; that’s why I didn’t bring it up. He called me a few weeks later, said he’d taken care of everything.”

“Well, he was wrong,” Sam says, his face grave. “I found his journal in the witch’s car. Jim documented you helping him, what you found, where you worked, and then how the case wrapped up. You actually helped him take down en entire coven of witches, guess he didn’t mention that part. Then he went on hunting for another seven and a half years, but a few months ago, he started to write about feeling like someone was watching him, tailing him from case to case.”

Sam pauses, giving her a moment to take in this new information, then he continues.

“Said he was starting to have periods of time where he didn’t remember stuff, would wake up in the middle of the road, in the middle of the woods. He wrote about finding a doll in his car one morning; it, uh..looked like him. Throat was slit, red paint, all of it.” 

Sam clears his throat, flexing his fingers on the table top as he watches her carefully. Dean’s hand closes over hers under the table, and she realizes her fingers are shaking.

“Go on,” she says. She doesn’t want to hear what’s coming next, she really already knows, but she needs to hear it.

“The entries in his journal stop after that. The cover was soaked in dried blood. So...yeah. I did some checking, and Jim died a few months back. The scene was...nasty.”

“So, who was our nutbag?” Dean asks. His tone is rough as he squeezes Kimber’s fingers. 

“I looked into the county records where Jim took down the coven. I don’t think he did too much research into the actual witches themselves; the coven included a family, a mom and dad and a teenager. Jim thought he got the whole coven, but maybe the teenager wasn’t at that meeting? At any rate, the papers from around then talked about the murdered couple’s missing child, and then the kid just dropped out of mention.”

“Okay, Jim was sloppy, and the kid survived, and what...swore revenge? How’d he find Jim again?”

“I found these folded up in the front of the journal,” Sam says, smoothing a couple of newspaper articles out on the table. The edges are frayed and ragged, torn rather than cut. There are dark smears on both, smudges and stains from who knows what, and Kimber’s gorge rises higher the longer she stares down at them.

The first article dates back to the first investigation, showing a grainy photograph of police and federal officers milling around behind crime scene tape. Kimber points to a figure off to the side, suited and facing the camera almost straight on.

“That’s Jim,” she says, her voice quiet. He looks painfully young in the photograph, and her chest twinges. The caption labels him as “FBI Special Agent Gaiman.” 

She looks at the second article, which is much more recent. She notices immediately that the location is the same, the premise almost identical. “Town’s Dark Past Resurfaces After Nearly a Decade” reads the headline. She looks for Jim’s face, spotting it in the crowd once more, despite him aging considerably in the years since she met him.

“He used the same name again,” Dean says, shaking his head. “I mean, he didn’t have much choice, since it was probably the same cops on the case, but still. Probably how the witch found him. Might’ve started up the sacrifices again just to draw Jim out. Anything else in the car, Sam?”

Sam shakes his head, his mouth working as if he’s got a bad taste in his mouth. “More or less standard witch paraphernalia, a couple more knives. I didn’t see anything indicating we have anyone else to watch out for.”

Dean purses his lips, then looks to Kimber. “You doin’ okay?”

Kimber takes the question seriously, doing a quick bit of mental introspection. “Yeah, I think...I mean...Okay, so I’m still queasy, but I don’t feel like someone’s breathing down my neck anymore. I’m going to be jumpy for a while, and I am definitely not going to stop going to my Thursday night classes anytime soon. But, yeah. If I’m not completely okay at the moment, I know I’m going to be.”

“That’s my girl.” Dean leans over, pressing a kiss to Kimber’s cheek. Sam looks away, but not before Kimber catches the embarrassed smile on his face. Dean slides from the booth, strolling casually over to the register and grinning at the elderly waitress, who blushes and giggles as she takes the check from him.

“Dad wouldn’t let him call you,” Sam says quietly. Kimber’s eyes flash to Sam, startled.

“When we left. Dean wanted to. He tried to, but Dad said he couldn’t. Said you were a distraction we couldn’t afford. He absolutely forbade it. They got in a fight, the worst one I ever saw between them when we were kids, and Dad...he...well, he, uh...He put his foot down. And later, after Dad died...I think Dean was ashamed. Maybe. I dunno, but I think he didn’t feel like he could call you after all that time, felt like he’d let you down.”

Sam glances over his shoulder, and they both watch Dean lean down to whisper conspiratorially with the blushing waitress as he hands her his credit card. Dean turns back to Kimber, winking, and her last little bit of heartache flakes off and fades away.

“Maybe don’t hold it against him too much?” Sam says, his best puppy-dog face in place. Kimber has never seen such an earnest expression from a guy asking on behalf of another man before.

“So, what do we have on the docket, Sam?” Dean asks as he rejoins them. Kimber throws her arms around his neck, ignoring the twinge twinge of pain on the side of her throat, and kisses him soundly. He looks startled but pleased as she pulls away, eyes wide and cheeks ruddy. 

“What was that for? I’m just askin’ so I can do it again.”

She clears her throat against an unexpected lump. Behind Sam, the waitress at the register gives her a double thumbs up. “I was just jealous of the attention you were giving the wait staff. Figured you thought I wasn’t paying you enough attention.”

Sam coughs discreetly, his mouth twitching from the effort of smothering his smile. “I actually don’t have any cases for us. I was thinking about going back to the bunker and reorganizing some of those files I‘ve been going through. You know, I could really use your help, Dean. Our inventories could use some alphabetizing, and-”

“Hard pass,” Dean says, flashing his brother a quick, mirthless smile. 

“If you’re looking for something to do,” Kimber offers, then hesitates when Dean turns his focus to her. “Well, I mean...fall break is next week. There’s a harvest festival in town; we have a crafts fair and a big farmers market and a lot of baking competitions. It’s pretty fun. If...if you wanted to stay a little while, Dean.”

...

In the end, Dean stays nearly two weeks. They go to every single day of the festival, during which time, they pick out a new quilt for her bed and Dean makes himself actually sick at the pie tasting event. When he does finally leave, it’s with a promise to visit soon, and their phone numbers saved in each of their cells.

“I will say, I’m not overly fond of watching this car drive off,” Kimber says, hugging herself through the inadequate material of her sweater. The weather has turned genuinely cold, and she wishes she’d grabbed something heavier, but she hadn’t planned on staying outside for so long. 

For some reason, though, she just can’t let go of him long enough for him to get into the car.

Dean rubs his hands briskly up and down her arms, his eyes sad and fond as they roam over her face. Before she can stop him, he pulls off his jacket, draping it over her shoulders and kissing her forehead.

“You look damned cute in my jacket,” he says gruffly. “One more for the road?”

And if her lips are still swollen and throbbing when he puts the car into gear and pulls away from the curb, if his hair looks like he came straight from bed, neither of them minds in the least.

…

The end.

[speuradair]

Hopeless | Villain! Izuku Midoriya

Word Count: 1.9K

Requested- by @hottopicweeb​

Contains- mild swearing, angst

AU- Quirkless Midoriya never inherits One For All and is left with mixed feelings towards heroes after All Might says he can never be a hero without a quirk

“They made you cry,

           but that will end tonight”

  You knew your boyfriend. Midoriya was caring, dedicated, and compassionate. Even as a young boy, he went out of his way to be warm and kind. He was the kindest person you knew, and you never doubted that for a second. So, what the hell was this?

Your grip tightened on the overstuffed notebook as you studied the messy hiragana before you, as if it would suddenly jump off the page and give you the answers you were trying to find. Flipping through the countless pages only raised more questions. It just didn't make sense. Why would Midoriya be keeping this kind of log book? He'd been keeping notebooks on heroes for as long as you could remember, sure, but this one was different. This wasn't just his typical notes on how to be a good hero. It was more detailed and focused, almost obsessive. 

There had to be over a hundred pages worth of notes scribbled here, a concerning amount of which were detailing the weaknesses and secrets of your classmates. There was enough here to take down almost any of them. It seemed less like observations, and more like a game plan. This was the last thing you were expecting when Izuku had said he wanted to show you something.

"Zuku, what is this?" 

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I know I can trust you," he grinned, his manner still as bright as it always was, despite the creepy nature of what he'd just handed you, "and I thought it would make you feel better!"

How was this creepy, secret stalker book supposed to make you feel better?

"I.. I don't understand. What aren’t you supposed to tell anyone?"

He stepped forward, extending his hand to lace his fingers with yours, attempting to comfort you. 

"I saw what happened earlier, baby. It's okay, you don't have to pretend you're fine! I know what's going on," His green eyes gazed into yours as he spoke.

A warm flush raised to your cheeks at the reminder of that afternoon’s events, mortification returning fast enough for you to miss that he'd just avoided your question. It had been embarrassing enough that it happened, and knowing that Izuku had seen it only made it that much worse. 

“It’s fine, I got my stuff back. They were just being jerks,” you lied, your voice sounding softer and less convincing than you intended. 

“It’s not fine. They took your personal things and made you cry.”

“Izuku,” you sighed, “They’re just being jerks. That’s what they always do.” It unfortunately wasn't uncommon for people at school to mess with you. Whether it was snickering behind you or trying to trip you or, as of recently, stealing personal things out of your bag, they always seemed to find some way to irritate you. At this point it just felt like an annoyance you'd have to deal with because that's just how high school was. 

"That doesn't mean you have to take it without putting up a fight! I hate seeing what they do to you! I spent so many years being the one that was pushed around, and seeing it happen to you now just reminds me of how bad it hurt then," his demeanor had changed. Though his voice was wavering as it usually did when he was riled up, it seemed to be rooted in an entirely different emotion. It wasn't sadness or embarrassment, it was anger. "I know you want out of here, and I do too."

You dropped your gaze in a subconscious attempt to avoid eye contact, causing your eyes to land on the notebook in your hands again. “But.. but what does that have to do with this?”

“It’s to let you know I have a plan to get out of here.”

The room had gone cold.  What the hell was that supposed to mean? There were only so many ways to use a book of weaknesses to your advantage.  Izuku, your Izuku, couldn’t possibly mean what you thought he did. You knew he could be awkward and oblivious sometimes, it had to just be that he didn’t realize how menacing that sounded. It had to be a misunderstanding. 

Trying to convince yourself that that’s all it was, you gave him a weak laugh, “What? Sorry, I think I’m missing the connection here.” 

Though you tried to hide your feelings, Izuku knew you well enough to recognize the concern in your eyes. Just because you weren't in the book didn't mean you'd been excluded from his meticulous observation. He knew everything about you, and that's how he wanted it to be. 

Without needing any more prompting, he slipped the book from your now trembling hands and set it on the desk behind him before taking your hands in his. 

"Hey, don't look so scared," he cooed, "You don't have to be scared anymore, I'm going to take care of it, puppy." 

You didn't know what to say. You wanted, needed,  him to explain some harmless reason to you and make you feel silly for thinking otherwise. You needed him to help dismiss your paranoia just like he always did. 

"There's a plan being put into motion, puppy. They asked for my help, and I've decided to give it to them. Then, they'll help us get out of here." He was speaking way too calmly for what he was saying. 

"They?"

"The League of Villains. I have a lot of information that they want. If I give them that book, they'll help us. If I can just prove to them that I really am able to get the kind of information they’re looking for, they’d have to keep me around. Especially now that we’re in UA, I have all kinds of ways to get information that none of the other villains can. And you have a really good quirk, there’s no way they’d reject-" 

You scoffed and pulled your hands away instinctively, immediately cutting off his rambling before he became too lost in his own thoughts.

"Woah, what the hell are you talking about?"

This didn't sound like your Midoriya. 

He sighed, seeming a bit dejected at your sudden retraction. "Baby,just let me explain." Before he could reach you again, you stepped back, trying desperately to grasp what was going on. 

"What is there to explain?!" There was an edge to your voice that you hadn't entirely intended, and it in itself scared you. You'd never had to raise your voice at him before. 

"Babe, don't you-"

"Don't 'babe' me right now!" You turned away from him, a sick feeling tugging at your stomach and threatening your already weak composure with a wave of nausea. 

There had only been a handful of times that you and Midoriya had argued, and it had always been from misunderstandings or overstressed pettiness. This was the first real fight, and it was a very serious one. 

Izuku understood your hesitation and dropped the pet names, but he wasn't about  to drop his argument. "Don’t you ever think about what your life might be like if you made different decisions? Haven't you ever questioned if what they’re telling us is right, really is right?”

“What happened to your whole ‘wanting to be a symbol of hope and peace’ thing?! How are you supposed to be a symbol of hope and peace when you’re working with Shigaraki and his goons?” 

“All Might was supposed to be the ultimate symbol of hope and peace,” he countered, his voice darker than you’d ever heard, “And you know what he told me? He told me, a starry-eyed preteen boy who idolized him, that I couldn’t be a hero without a quirk, that there was no use in trying. Does that sound like something that would inspire hope? The Ultimate Symbol of Hope and Peace destroyed my hope more than Bakugou or anyone else could ever try to.  Why would I want to be like him?” 

He spoke with unwavering deliberation, like he’d dutifully thought it over. Knowing Izuku, you didn’t doubt that he had. 

You didn’t know how to respond. You knew that All Might was a sensitive topic for him, and it pained you even just seeing the way his posture sank when the pro-hero was around. Hearing him blatantly describe the emotional turmoil inside of him was more than enough to pull the tears from where you’d tried desperately to contain them. 

“I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s wrong to still be mad about that, but why shouldn’t I be? My whole life I’ve been told I’m less than everyone else around me, and the number one hero pretty much said the same thing! And now people are doing the same to you. I was willing to take it when it was just my problem, but I won’t let them make any problems for you. This can end tonight. I just have to hand this over.”

“Do you really think we should trust the League of Villains with our lives?!” You let out a breathy, humorless laugh at the pure unbelievability of the situation. 

“Do you remember when Shigaraki led that attack while we were at USJ? They were so close to winning that fight! They’re villains, but they’re not stupid; They clearly know what they’re doing. They wouldn’t be bad allies. Would it really be so bad to work with-”

"We're not villains, Izuku! We're heroes, you're a hero! You've always wanted to be a hero, and now suddenly you want to screw around with the League of Villains?"

"No, (name)," he was suddenly calm again, boldly grabbing your wrist to keep you from moving away from him again. "I've always wanted to be one of the good guys. How are these people the good guys if they're treating us like this?" 

When you didn't have an answer, he continued. 

"Our classmates are supposed to be the heroes, but they're not the good guys. The good guys wouldn't beat us down like this. They wouldn't take our stuff and throw in the puddles, or make fun of us! When did All Might ever ridicule someone for not being as strong as him? Heroes are supposed to be a symbol of hope and peace, not examples of how to abuse others. If this is what heroes are now, I don't want to be a hero anymore." 

"Zuku.."

"They don't want us to stand with them anyway. They've made that pretty clear, don't you think? They all think I can't be a hero without a quirk. Hell, you have a quirk, and apparently they don't think you can be a hero either. Why should we fight this hard to be associated with mean people like that?" 

You hated that what he'd just said kind of made sense. Your classmates had done a pretty damn good job of showing that they didn't want you around. Their dead set mindset of you being weak had always made you want to prove them wrong, but did you really need to sell them out to the League of Villains to do so?

"Puppy, they already said they had a place for me if I help them. If they want a quirkless idiot like me, there's no way they'd turn down someone like you. All we'd have to do is turn this in, and we could be out of here." His big green eyes stared into yours, his free hand gently coming to rest on your cheek. "But I'm not going without you."

[negrek]

For the ask meme: 3, 6 (feel free to list multiples) and 7

More late ask replies! (For this old meme.)

1. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

That one's actually really tough, because a lot of them I've actually written, they just can't go in the story itself for one reason or another! For example, I've written a couple of scenes of what Nate gets up to after he splits up with the protagonist in Chapter 38, buuuuuut since this is a single-POV story, for some value of single POV, I can't include them. I've written a number of backstory bits, some published, some unpublished. I've written my various AU's, i.e. scenes I think would be loads of fun but which actually make no sense in the story as written.

As far as scenes that might actually go in the story, I do regret not having more scenes of Nate just getting to hang out with his pokémon during the League arc. Part of that's the fact that he was going to hang out with his pokémon away from the protagonist wherever possible, and part of it was that there's just so much going on in that arc already, it's bloated as it is, and so fun but not strictly necessary character scenes were naturally trimmed or not written at all. I'd also love to have more scenes of Nate's team interacting with the protagonist's team. I realized earlier today that there's a scene of that (which I quite like) in the next two chapters, and that's... the only one? There's only one time in the entire story where they talk?? How is that even possible???

So, nothing particularly plot-consequential, just generally more of characters that I enjoy bouncing off each other, angsting, being cute, whatever. Which I guess doesn't really qualify under the "can't be arsed to write all the set-up/context" requirement. I guess the only thing I can't be assed to write specifically because it would be too much effort is... any of the sequels? There are some bits there that I think are pretty *chef's kiss*, and I've already written a lot of them, but yeah, if I wanted those in actual fic form I'd need to write, like, all the scenes that go in between? Where you actually get from one chef's-kiss scene to another? Ugh. There is NO WAY I'm writing like three additional monster-sized stories to get some of my favorite follow-up out, I have other things I want to move onto instead.

Although I've been reading 20020 lately, and yeah, okay, if I had all of eternity, there is no way the universe would escape the entire Salvage series, lol.

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

Iiiiit's definitely Nate, if you couldn't guess. :P It's just very easy to get under his skin; he *reacts* a lot more than most of my other characters. Toss him into a scene for instant conflict, or have him on his own just to watch him work himself up and expode. All good fun.

In general it's the more bombastic characters... I think Steelix would be my second pick. I really enjoy characters who misunderstand the heck out of what is going on around them but are very confidently constructing a narrative that explains it nonetheless. The protagonist is also good for this! Both the ability and tendency to be very confidently wrong are things I enjoy writing in a character, heh.

There's also pretty much always a Rats-like character in my longer stories... they're just kind of my default personality. If I'm just sitting down and writing whatever, someone like her is probably going to emerge. I like these kinds of characters, they're fun, and they're also extremely easy/relaxing to write, since they're just what comes naturally, so to speak.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Ahahaha, funny you should ask that... *sweats loudly*

Probably the biggest one, prose-wise, is that I rely a great deal on verbs! On the flip side, I usually describe characters' looks very sparsely if at all. There tends to be more description of the physical environment, but not a great deal. Pen made a great point in that I like my compound descriptors, like "bruise-dark" or "lava-smoothed." One particular bad habit that I have to stamp out all the time in editing is sticking "half-" on the front of something, like half-turn, half-smile, etc. If it's like they kinda did a thing but also kinda not and I don't know how to say what I mean, that's what I reach for--pretty lazy! I want to try and save it for situations where I really like the effect rather than kind of gave up and stuck it in.

I also do a fair amount of personification, or maybe it's synechdoche, where you'll have somebody "twitch an annoyed ear" or "waved a dismissive hand" or what have you. Obviously the body part itself isn't annoyed or dismissive or whatever and the action is the external signifier of whatever emotion, but yeah, I do that a fair amount.

I also love battles and action sequences in general. Even in one-shots, there's almost always at least a little fight involved. Part of this, too, is probably my tendency towards very stubborn characters. If neither of them are going to bend in their convictions, well, then they're going to have to fight it out, right, if only with words? On the flip side, this can make character development very difficult for me. I have a lot of trouble getting my characters to change their minds! In fact, I generally need to hit them in the face for tens of thousands of words before they start to go, "Okay MAYBE I was slightly wrong about that one thing, a little tiny bit. Perhaps." I am not very good at dramatic revelations or character shifts, and they tend to land poorly for me in other media. ("What, X is really going to open up to Y about that? Already? And Y is going to reflect on their past behavior and resolve to do better? Sounds fake.") Definitely an area where my own personality puts some constraints on my ability to handle characters.

Rather abrupt plot swerves are another big one. They never seem very abrupt to me, of course, since I know where things are going the whole time, but ~dramatic events~ do seem to come in and turn the plot on its head a lot. It turns out we were totally wrong about whatever, so now we need to go do completely different thing instead! Oh no we screwed that up real badly, help we need to flee the consequences now, etc. In general this tends to be how I structure story arcs, I think... Things change very, very slowly for a while, then abruptly everything happens all at once, and things can shoot off in a completely different direction before slamming to a halt again.

Annnnd finally, people are always eating in my stories. All the danged time. Maybe I enjoyed Redwall too much as a kid, idk.

Generally speaking, people seem to agree with me on these.

[merci-bitch]

It Will Always Be Us Two

Kathleen Weatherly x reader

Request: i just saw you wrote for her so... kathleen (from florence foster jenkins) x reader where they’re together while St Clair is with florence but one day kathleen decides that she wants to be monogamous? ty!! :) - @witching-imagines

Words: 3,8k

Genre: angst/fluff

Warning (s): Angst, fluff, swearing, small hint of NSFW

A/N: I am so sorry this took so long! This has really been a pain in the ass to write. I got so confused by the request and I had to rewrite this whole story like 4 times. This was supposed to be out weeks ago but thanks to personal reasons, it wasn’t. And I’m so sorry for that. I wanna thank @kileyrose-2003, my very good friend for helping me with this. We both were so confused lol. I love you all and hope you all stay safe at home!

“You were very good tonight Florence. I must say, your voice grows stronger by each second that passes" Florence's smile was at it's brightest. "I thank you very much Y/N! It is all because of you" I felt St. Clair's hand on my lower back, leading me out towards the hallway. "Goodnight Florence! Sleep well!" I said as I stepped outside, seeing St. Clair call a taxi for me. "Thank you Y/N for tonight, you give her so much faith these days" I couldn't help but give him a smile. "I just do what I do best St. Clair. Give her a kiss for me!" He nodded and gave me a quick hug. I stepped inside the taxi and told the driver my address.

It was a late night in October, a rainy one to. I had spent the whole evening together with St. Clair and Florence. Sitting by the piano for hours, as my fingers were starting to hurt. How my throat was a little sore from singing for hours, not hat I complained. Music was a big part of my life. Half of my days were filled with music and song. It was a wonderful evening, I'm surprised I didn't see Kathleen there together with St. Clair. They had been together for quite some time now, well. So had me and Kathleen. Both me and Kathleen had known each other since we were kids and I had always had feelings for her. To be honest, I didn't know if she had for me. Sure, we were in a 'relationship' but ever since she started being together with St. Clair; she was distant. The kisses she gave me in secret weren't as loving as they used to be. When she said those three words, it was as if she didn't mean it. Kathleen knew what I had been through, how the last person I loved left me fro someone else. I felt as if Kathleen was doing the same. But you know me, always hiding what's true behind my plastic smile.

Earlier this evening St. Clair had invited me home with him for a drink together with Kathleen, but I didn't feel like it. Last time I saw Kathleen, we had quite the nasty fight.

~ I stepped inside the door, locking it behind me as I let out a loud sigh. It had been a rough night for me. All I wanted to do now was make myself a drink, take a shower and go to bed. More then ever. I walked into the living room and left my jacket on the couch, standing by the fire place and went over to make myself a drink. The light was on when u came in but I didn't really think much of it. I filled my glass and took a sip. The feeling of alcohol entering my system was almost like a relief.

Suddenly I heard heels clicking against the floor, leading down from the hallway, into the living room. Kathleen came into view as she raised a glass to her lips and took a sip, swaying slightly with every step she took. By the way her body moved, it was clear she was drunk.

"Welcome home darling"

Kathleen said as she gave me a smile. The want to drink alcohol was gone. I put my glass back down onto the table and walked over to Kathleen. "I'm a tat drunk" I let out a small chuckle, she always was. "Lucky you, you were at Augustus's play right? How was it?" Kathleen took another sip before answering. "Oh terrible! Finish it? I'm teaching first thing. The oculus with bad breath and two left hands which that tends to wonder" I took the last of the liquid that was in the glass into my mouth, then making a face. Whiskey. It had never really been my thing. Kathleen took her bottom lip in between her teeth before leaning in and giving me a kiss. The kiss was quick, and quite sloppy. She leaned back and looked me in the eye before speaking, "I love you Y/N"

After those three words she leant in again. Letting her small, soft lips touch mine in a much longer kiss. Followed up by small, muffled sounds coming out from Kathleen's throat. Her hands were moving up my body and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer by each kiss that passed time. Kathleen started pulling me down the hallway. I knew where she was going with this. She wanted me to join her in bed. And this wasn't just to sleep. As much as I wanted to, I didn't want to. But I was too scared to say no. Kathleen could be, I don't know, aggressive when she was drunk. Despite having to know since we were like 4, I was sometimes scared of her. I never told her anything anymore. I always did. And every time she would ask if I was okay I would be honest. Now, it's just 'I'm fine'. I didn't trust her the same way anymore, not since her and St. Clair got together.

After hours, Kathleen was lying bare and asleep next to me. I couldn't sleep. I was tired and worn out but I just couldn't fall asleep. I was looking up at the roof, studying ever little crack there was, every little line. Soon enough I felt Kathleen move and her hand placed itself on my chest. Curling her hand a little before relaxing. I took ahold of it and kissed it. I just wish every moment with her was like this. Every since she got together with St. Clair she started drinking more then she used to. Probably because of Augustus.

I felt the urge to cry. I didn't know what the hell was happening. I loved Kathleen so much! And I've known her for so long but, she felt like a stranger to me. Like I didn't know who she was. It hurt me to be honest but whenever she said those three words, it was as if she didn't mean them anymore. All the times she said we should meet u, go for a coffee or something. She never showed up. It was as if she was ashamed to be seen with me. I couldn't help but feel absolutely useless.

As time grew and my thoughts escalated, I felt myself starting to tear up. Eventually silent tears were making their way down my cheeks. I turned to me side, facing my back against Kathleen and tried to fall asleep. As much as I wanted to, it didn't work. Soon enough I felt her wrap her arm around my waist, spooning me. Leaving small kisses on my bare shoulder before leaning up on her elbow. "What's wrong Y/N?" I shrugged it off and slowly sat up. "I-I'm fine Kathleen." She took ahold of my shoulder, trying to turn me around but I pushed it away. I got up and got my robe from the old, dark brown wardrobe and walked out into the living room. I walked up the window and looked out at the falling rain and the windy air, making the trees dance around.

"Darling, what's bothering you?"

Kathleen's voice was soft and quiet. And full of lies. Before she could even wrap her arms around I moved away from her, refusing to meet her eyes. "Y/N! What's is wrong with you?!" I turned around and meet her frustrated eyes. Her hands were placed on her hips. "What's wrong with me?! So I'm the problem now?!" I couldn't help but let out a snort. "I never said that! I'm just worried about you Y/N. I love you" There it was again. I cringed as she said those three words. "No, that's the thing Kathleen. You don't. Not anymore at least" I heard her drop her hands and walk towards me. "What on earth are you talking about?! Of course I love you! We just had sex!" Sex. It was just, sex. She never used the term, 'making love'. It was just sex. I felt my insides burn, tears starting to flow down my hot, sweaty cheeks.

"So that's it then. It's just sex. I-I want you to leave Kathleen."

"Are you crazy?! Of course this isn't just sex! Are you out of your mind tonight?!"

She started yelling, and I was sure that this was in fact; sober Kathleen Weatherly. "Really?! Cause every time you say those three words, it's as if you don't mean them! Every time you plan for us to go have a coffee, you never show up! You love St. Clair, not me. And I just have to accept that. I love you Kathleen and I have for a long time, but clearly you aren't willing to take those risks anymore. You're not the same person anymore, neither am I. But under no circumstances will I live like this any longer! I am a living, human being to! I have a heart Kathleen! I'm not just some pleasure toy! I would rather not being in a 'relationship' with you then this. You love St. Clair, but you don't love me Kathleen. And clearly, I am the only one here who realizing what the hell is going on! I respect your decision of choosing St. Clair, I do. But please, save me from all of this misery and all of these misunderstandings. I'm not a person to play with. Please, leave"

She was speechless. She didn't say a word, she didn't even try and tell me I was wrong. Which includes that I was in fact right bout this whole situation. I was just her side, pleasure toy for whenever she was bored of St. Clair. This wasn't the Kathleen I knew, she wasn't as innocent and sweet. This one was aggressive, ignorant, selfish and had gotten a dark mind, filled with only lust. I didn't like this side of her. I wanted my Kathleen back. The woman who I fell in love with at early age. Who's been my best friend for nearly 20 years. Who I thought loved me back.

As I said before, I trusted Kathleen more then anything and to have lost that person who was the most important one in my life? She was the one to get me up everyday. Helped me with anything. if I was feeling sad, she was there for me. I still smile from the childhood memories. But, I guess those were just that. Memories. ~

The fight was weeks ago. And as time grew, I learned to build up a wall inside my head again, one Kathleen helped me build. I just couldn't understand, everything seemed to be about her. Not me, not St. Clair, her. It was always about what she thought. She was the boss. She was the one who had control over my life at least. Don't know with her and St. Clair, but I honestly couldn't care less. She was gone from my life and despite still having a big hole in my heart, I was much happier then a few weeks ago. I felt a big relief. I didn't have to worry about anything anymore. Didn't have to worry about not being seen with her, didn't have to worry about anniversary's. Believe it or not, I was the one to forget. But it's alright now. I didn't have to worry about it.

I stepped inside my apartment, a new one. There were too many memories of Kathleen in between the old one. Florence had been so kind enough to pay the rent for me, ever since I became her vocal coach. I had tried to say no, and tell her she didn't have to but she insisted on doing it as a thank you for helping her with music. She was one of the nicest persons I had ever meet. So sweet and kindhearted. Despite being sick, that didn't stop her from living her life to the fullest. Living each day with happiness and laughter. Refusing to let one single thing tear her down. I was proud of her. Happy to see someone being happy despite these depressing times. She lit up the room with her smile. Her passion was still there, clearly.

Florence had a concert tomorrow night. I was going to be there, of course. And Cosmé to. Cosmé was the guy who played the piano as Florence sang. He played quite nicely, he really did! I was impressed when I heard him play for the first time. But I didn't really wanna go tomorrow night. I knew Kathleen was gonna be there, with St. Clair. In a way I should go and just brush her off if she came too close but in the same way I just wanted to apologize for everything and let her wrap her arms around me. Go back to the old times. Those times were just somewhere I could dream myself back to.

~ I was standing by the big oak tree in the park. The stars were starting to show upon the sky. I sat down into the grass and looked up. Despite being sixteen and all, astronomy was one of my favorite things. What I would do to get up there and join the stars in a peaceful and calm life. I saw a bunch of star signs. Smiling wide as I looked up. Soon enough I felt someone's presence next to me. I turned to my side and saw Kathleen. Even in the dark, her smile could be seen. She leant in and kissed my cheek, taking ahold of my hand before looking up herself. I looked over at Kathleen. Studying every feature of her face. Her jawline, her nose, the small freckles gathering around her face. She turned her head and looked at me. Her eyes searched my eyes for a moment before turning back, to look up at the sky. Leaning her head on my shoulder. Many people would say that our friendship was odd. Kathleen was eighteen. Two years older then myself. I didn't really see the difficulty.

"I don't understand why you love the stars so much Y/N" Kathleen said after some time. "You can't be serious Kathleen! The stars are so fascinating! They show and tell so much!" She let out a chuckle as she made herself comfortable on my shoulder. "The stars you see up in the sky's are so much bigger then our son in our solar system. They are so far away as well! Stars are also made of very hot gas. The gas is mostly hydrogen and helium, which are the two lightest elements. Stars shine by burning hydrogen into helium in their cores, and later in their lives create heavier elements. -" Kathleen looked at me. "You know that I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about" I let out a laugh that was suddenly cut off with Kathleen's own lips on mine. Her hand had moved itself behind my neck, pulling me closer. I felt my eyes go wide. I pulled away.

"Kathleen! What on earth are you doing?!" She didn't answer, instead she leant in again. Letting her lips touch mine once again. This time, I didn't pull away. The kiss was soft and passionate. ~

***

I got dressed and fixed myself in the mirror. Pulling on the familiar black dress, the one Kathleen got me. Kathleen might seem controlling and all, but she ain’t. Sure, at some points she is but then again not. She got me this dress for my birthday. It was my favorite dress, but I’m surprised it wasn’t ripped. All the times Kathleen tore it off of me, too much information. Sorry. I took my purse and left. I called out a cab and told him the address. It was another rainy night. It helped me calm myself down.

As I got to the building, I payed the driver and got out. Walking inside, meeting St. Clair. “Good evening Y/N! I must say, you look ravishing!” I gave him a smile and took his hand, walking towards Florence. Backstage, were she was standing. Fumbling a bunch of words. As soon as she saw me, her eyes lit up. “Y/N! Thank goodness you’re here!” She walked over to me and grabbed my hand. Giving it a tight squeeze. “I’m so glad you’re here! I don’t know if I was able to do this without you!” I gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s alright Florence. You can do this!”

I had trouble getting up this morning. Not so much of the thought of- or maybe, yes. But my shoulder and my back wasn’t playing. It hurt and I was so sore, that every move I made hurt. Whenever this happened Kathleen would always be there, give me a massage and stuff. But she wasn’t here anymore. She wasn’t here to help me, and I had to do it by myself which wasn’t a problem. Was it?

As time grew, and the time got closer to me having to leave; my back and shoulders were hurting more and more. I could barely walk without hissing out in pain. I knew this wasn’t going to go unnoticed, specially not by Kathleen. She could real me like a book anytime she wanted. That was one of the things I didn’t really like with her. She could read me just like that, without even trying. She maybe couldn’t read my thoughts, maybe she could. What could I know? Anyways, I decided to take a shower in hopes of the pain going away but boy was I wrong. Or well, it helped a bit but it still hurt.

I went with St. Clair to sit down with the people here to watch Florence. That’s when I saw her. Sitting there with Augustus. Kathleen. Oh, how I just wanted to run up to her and give her a big hug. Telling her I was sorry, telling her I loved her. I missed her. More then I thought I would. I saw how both Kathleen and St. Clair shared a kiss. Kathleen looked back and meet my eyes. I looked away, clenching my jaw as my back started to give out into the pain come again.

~ “Kathleen! Please help me up!” My back was playing tricks again. Soon enough I heard heels clicking against the wooden floor. “Darling, is everything alright?” She said as she sat down onto the bed. Taking a strand of my hair out of my face. I shook my head and let out a hiss of pain as I tried to move. “It’s my back, again. Help me up. I want a shower” Kathleen nodded and walked out of the bedroom, leaving me halfway out for bed.

“Kathleen!”

Why did she leave?

“I’m turning on the shower!”

Oh, right. She came back and helped me up, holding me close to her as she helped me walk to the shower. She helped me take off my clothes. “Want me to join you? To wash your hair?” I shook my head. “No, I just need to stand under the shower for some time” Kathleen nodded her head, kissed my forehead and walked out. “Call my name if there’s anything darling.” I nodded and stepped inside the shower. Feeling a big relief as the warm water hit my shoulders and back. Closing my eyes and relaxing.

After some time I felt two arms wrap around my waist, and small kisses being placed on my bare shoulder. “Kathleen...” She shushed me and turned my head, giving me a kiss. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were alright” I gave her a smile and leaned my head back against her shoulder. Closing my eyes once more. I don’t know how long we stood there. But it was definitely worth it. ~

My whole body shook from the memory. Clenching my jaw once again and looked away. Suddenly I felt a hand on my lower back, pushing against a pain point. I let out a hiss of pain as I gripped the hand and opened my eyes. I was meet with with a pair of blue eyes. Kathleen. I felt eyes go wide, why was she here?! She took my head and lead me out of the room, towards the bathrooms. Closing the door behind her. “Kathleen-“ She cut me up with holding her hand up in the air. “Turn around Y/N” I did what I was told and turned around, taking ahold of the counter. What Kathleen did shocked me. She pulled my dress down to my waist and took ahold of my shoulders.

“Kathleen! What are you doing?!” She didn’t answer, but she started massaging my shoulders, dragging her hands down my back. Releasing some of the pain. I let out a shaky breath, the feeling of her touch again was something I didn’t really want to feel. Not right now. It got too much. I turned around and grabbed her hands.

“Stop, just stop!”

Her eyes filled with concern. “What? Something wrong? Did I put in too much?” I released her hands and pulled my dress back up. Telling her to zip me up again. Turning towards the door.

“Wait! Please Y/N.”

I looked back, over at Kathleen. Crossing my arms. “What. What is it Kathleen” She looked down before looking up again, walking towards me. “I miss you Y/N.” I couldn’t help the snort that escaped my throat. “I’m sure you do Kathleen” I said as I turned towards the door again, when she grabbed my hand. Pulling me to her, in a kiss. I felt myself tense up. I felt my whole world come crashing down. Enough said.

She pulled me closer as the kiss lasted longer. Ashe pulled away, both our faces were flustered and our lips swollen. “Kathleen, please don’t do this to me.” I said as I felt my own eyes starting to sting, the tears begging to come lose from behind my eyes. She took ahold of my hands and held then up to her chest. Giving each hand a kiss. Looking into my eyes, a meaning was flashing her eyes. I didn’t know what meaning. I had never been good at reading other people. It was always me who would be read by others.

“I love you Y/N. I always have and always will. And I want you”

“Kathleen, you have St. Clair. I’m just, me”

“You’re so much more then that Y/N. You made me happy like no other”

“But what about St. Clair?”

“Forget about St. Clair Y/N. It’s just us two now. And it will always be us two”

[mystic-kitten-writer]

Limerence [M] ︳07

Pairing: Zuko x OC

Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with future smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.

Rating: SFW

Words: 4300+

Notes: Thanks for the likes loves, and I hope you enjoy the story - happy reading

Masterlist ︳06 ︳08

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person.

The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.

Sisu

(Finnish/n.) The extraordinary determination in the face of adversity.

~ Ying Yue Jiang ~

           “Although tempting, I prefer you don’t hurt Zuko, Master Pakku,” I said with a giggle as I sipped away on my hot cup of tea. Master Pakku shrugged his shoulders before seating himself on the fluffy couch while slipping away on his mug. He looked confused as to why I would reject such an ‘amazing’ offer. I smiled tenderly over my tea, finding myself in a trance, absentmindedly watching the tinted green water sway side to side in the cup.

            I was confused, oh so confused. After the chaos that unravelled yesterday, Gran-Gran was kind enough to let me stay the night and cry out every emotion that I had. I was disappointed in myself; I should have remained calm, not snap like how I did. But between the argument with Katara and Zuko, I guess I had reached my limit. Gosh, Zuko. I bite my lip thinking about him again, was it stupid of me to still crave his company after everything he did? That in my weakest moment, my instinct was to cry to Zuko, even though he was the reason I was upset? Flashes of Zuko being shocked, angry, and then disappointed kept replaying in my mind.

            “What are you thinking about so hard, you look like you are ready to run back to him,” Gran-Gran spoke as she poured tea into her cup, it was clear her nose was still a bit stuffy from her cold. I looked up at her, a bit startled. “I-I don’t know. I keep remembering his face. He looked so surprised when Katara mentioned his engagement.” Gran-Gran snorted and waved away my concerns, “He was shocked because he got caught, that’s why. You can’t trust men.” Master Pakku raised a brow at Gran-Gran, and coughed, “I’m right here you know?” He said defensively. Gran-Gran began swatting her hand once again, “That includes you too.” She said as she turned back around and continued cooking away.

            I smiled looking at Master Pakku’s face of defeat, before he let out a breath and whispered just loud enough for me to hear, “That’s why I love her, she is a feisty one.” Master Pakku gazed over Gran-Gran with a look of pure admiration before he took another sip, “She acts all big and tough, but give her one compliment, and she crumbles.” He said with a chuckle. I smiled, seeing the way Master Pakku and Gran-Gran interacted made me happy yet blue, would Zuko and I have been like that? I groaned to myself, “What do I do?” I whispered.

            “Hear him out.” My head shot upwards, surprised to notice it was Master Pakku who spoke. He noticed my astonishment because he continued, “Your Grandmother is stubborn alright, but like any grandparent, it’s not a nice feeling to see your grandchildren get hurt. But if your gut is telling you something is wrong, listen to it. Should Fire Lord Zuko be engaged, do you not think that word of it would travel around the Nations? It would be quite a grand occasion.” He began. I listened carefully, taking note of what he was trying to hint, could it have been a misunderstanding? There was truth to his words, anything that ever happened with royalty always resulted in gossip amongst all Nations, could Katara have made a mistake?

            “So…you think…I should give him another chance?” I asked. Master Pakku eyed Gran-Gran, making sure she was still distracted and ear-shot away before shaking his head, “I know how it feels to not explain one’s self to the person you care about most. It was my biggest regret not telling your grandmother how I felt about her during our times in the Northern Tribe. But it was also your grandmother’s biggest regret not giving me a chance to speak, to listen before she left… But you didn’t hear any of this from me.” He swiftly ended before silently sipping on his tea.

            As if on cue, Gran-Gran placed a large lid on a pot before wiping her hands clean on her dishtowel. Her stew must be finished. I stood up with my empty cup and placed it in the sink, “I should get going… the others must be worried.” I started. Gran-Gran frowned and placed her hand on my shoulder, “Remember, if anyone starts trouble with you, you let me know. I’ll straighten them out.” She sternly spoke. I grinned and nodded my head, “I will Gran-Gran. Thank you for letting me stay the night and the tea.” I started. Gran-Gran smiled before hugging me tightly. I embraced her back, “Anything for my Grandchildren.” She muttered in my hair.

            I pulled away before waving at Master Pakku, “Thank you for the advice… on Waterbending.” I said, hoping he got my hint. Master Pakku smiled and nodded, acknowledging that he caught on. He waved swiftly and spoke, “I wish you the best.” I nodded my head, me too. I said my final goodbyes once again to everyone before I shut the door behind me, leaving the comfort of their home.

            It was cold outside, and I was thankful for the thick sweater Gran-Gran let me borrow for my walk home. I took my time regardless of the brisk air, enjoying the gentle tickles from the falling snow on my face. It was quiet outside, and I was grateful, it gave me time just to…think. There was no need for me to go home, since Gran-Gran demanded I wash up at there, as a symbolic way to wash away my troubles. Yet, the more I thought, the more anxious I got. Where do I even start? Do I go talk to the gang first, or do they come to me? I groaned to myself and threw my head back, running my hands through my hair, how did you get yourself into this mess?

            I sighed and looked forward, noticing that I was close to the house, before I spotted someone. Bright yellow, bald with some blue… “Aang!” I shouted, not realizing that I had drawn his attention to myself. I mentally scowled, well I guess this is how it’s going to start. Aang’s eyes widened when he realized it was me who called him; he dashed towards me, snow flying from either side of him. I couldn’t help but smile watching him keenly run to me; he looked like a lost child.

            “Yue, are you okay? I was going to Gran-Gran’s house because I know that’s where you usually go when you’re upset. I would have come sooner, but Zuko said-” Aang spat out speedily before stopping once he mentioned Zuko. It took me a few minutes to process what he had even said since he spoke so fast, he looks more upset than I was! The way his eyebrows pinched together, his mind turning, and eyes showcasing a large mixture of emotions. But it all came to a halt when he finally let out a long breath, and his shoulders dropped in pure defeat, “I’m sorry.”

            I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, a mixture of nervousness and confusion watching Aang struggle to stick to a single emotion. “What are you sorry about Aang? You didn’t do anything-” I started, but Aang frowned and shook his head disappointed. “That’s the problem. No one did anything. We should have never let this happen. I should have stopped Katara, and I should have stepped in when you and Zuko were fighting. What kind of Avatar am I if I can’t even stop a conflict between friends?” I sighed and looked down at the snowy floor.

            “It’s not your fault…” I grumbled underneath my breath, and I didn’t need to look up to know that Aang was distressed. “Yue, everyone feels horrible about what happened. We should have never let it happen. What happens between you and Zuko is between you two.” I looked up at him and frowned, “Aang he didn’t even know I was a Waterbender! And let’s not forget about the fact that he is engaged, to Mai, his apparent ex-girlfriend. I think it’s better you guys told me before he introduces me to Mai when I’m at the Fire Nation.” Aang frowned and shook his head, “Trust me, Yue, you need to talk to Zuko.”

            I crossed my arms and bit my lip nervously, “I know he is your best friend Aang, but-”

            “Please Yue, I know you are hurt, and you feel humiliated, but this is just a whole misunderstanding.” Aang started, his eyes begging. I looked back at the ground as I was once again perplexed. “Aang… what should I do?” I cried out softly. I could feel Aang’s arms wrap around my shoulders tightly as he brought me in close. I huffed as I let him hug me. It was an embrace filled with understanding and comfort. Aang was just one of those people who always knew what to say and what to do. And sometimes no words spoke louder than words. We must have stood there for a while before he patted my head gently and pulled away.

            His hands were still tightly grasping my shoulders, but he looked down upon me, staring into my eyes. “I know Zuko is rough on the edges; he is not the best when it comes to talking about feelings and to be honest, he is a complete idiot when it comes to relationships too…” I looked at Aang with a pout, “You are not exactly selling him Aang.” I said with a raised brow. Aang rubbed the back of his neck and huffed, “What I’m trying to say is as bad as Zuko looks right now, I can promise you one thing. He would never, ever, hurt you intentionally. He is stubborn and hard-headed, but he is not a cheater. Please, hear him out, even if it’s not for him, but me?”

            Aang looked at me with such pleading eyes that I couldn't help but smile weakly. Master Pakku’s biggest regret was not talking, while Gran-Gran’s was not listening. Although they ended up together in the end, happily married, it took them years to reach the point where they are now. Do I want the same thing to happen to us? What if Gran-Gran took the time to listen? Would they have been together from the start? “Aang…where is Zuko?” I asked.

            Aang eyes widen in pure delight as he jumped up, “Really?” He squealed. I smiled once again and nodded my head, “The truth is that I don’t want us to end…especially if it’s just a big misunderstanding, it would be silly wouldn’t it?” I started. Aang grabbed my hands and smiled brightly, “I promise you won’t regret it. We can go right now!” He said before pulling me away. I was utterly speechless as he tugged me away eagerly not towards the house, but off to the quiet streets once again.

            “A-Aang! Shouldn’t I see the gang first? Talk to-”

            “They can wait, but we need to do this now. Trust me.” Aang said as he waved away my concerns. His sympathetic demeanour completely disappeared, and suddenly he seemed determined. I couldn’t help but smile seeing at how excited he was at the thought of Zuko and I reconciling. And deep down, I was hoping, and praying that it would happen. Was it foolish to want everything to go back to how it was despite how much he hurt me? Was I acting naïve and stupid, wishful thinking? Hoping for too much from something that just started days ago.

            It was the sound of water that grabbed my attention, and I noticed we were at the dock, more specifically in front of the main vessel where Zuko stepped down from and where we met for the first time. “Is he leaving?” I gasped. Did I upset him that much? Did I cause him to want to leave? Aang turned around and noticed right away my concern as he stopped abruptly and rubbed the back of his neck, “No, he had to do something.” He said quickly. I raised a brow and looked at Aang perplexed, “Do something?”

            Aang smiled and nodded eagerly, “You worry too much. You over think things. Trust me…everything will work out in the end.” He said. I pouted but nodded. It was Aang’s confidence that seemed to calm down my nerves as he continued to pull me towards the grand ship. Right away the guards standing proudly at the lowered ramp nodded their heads towards us. “Does Zuko know we are going to see him now?” I asked. Aang didn’t bother to turn around to answer me. Instead, he continued to guide me through the interior of the ship as if this was his second home. “You can say…that he has an idea.”

            I opened my mouth to question him more, but I closed it shut, as my attention was quickly drawn to the interior of the ship. It was huge, the walls were tall, and almost everything inside was decorated with vibrant reds and golds. Although the walls were metal, they seemed to have an internal glow, most likely reflecting the light from the lamps that illuminated the corridors. Dad was right…the Fire Nation do know how to decorate. Everything seemed expensive, lavish. As we continued walking, guards and servants would stop and bow at us and then leave once we moved passed them.

            Finally, Aang came to a sudden stop, in front of two bulky metal doors. He turned around and smiled, “The moment of truth.” My eyes widen, and I could feel myself starting to freak out. “A-Aang, I…I…I don’t think I can do this.” I spoke anxiously. It felt too soon, too… real. Aang shook his head and grasped my shoulders, “Just breath, in and out. I promise you; you won’t regret it. I swear to you, as the Avatar.” I bite my lip nervously, fighting the conflicting emotions raging internally.

            Aang stepped back and spoke to one of the guards standing in front of the doors, “May you let Fire Lord Zuko aware that we have arrived?” Aang asked. The guard nodded before briefly opening the door and stepping inside. For a split second, I could see the flickering of lights inside before the door shut closed. Muffled voices could be heard, before the door opened once again and the guard nodded his head, signalling us to enter.

            My hands began to shake nervously, and for a second I completely forgot how to breathe. Aang grasped my hand and squeezed it, “I’ll be there with you. Don’t stress.” He said with a warm smile. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice before he stepped forward and began pushing the door open. I could see bright lights once again, and I was then able to take in the room we were in entirely. It was clear it was a study, bookshelves lining the walls, and a few piles of papers scattered across the floors. But when I looked forward, I finally saw him, Zuko.

            I felt myself nervously bite my lip, realizing that I was officially face-to-face with him. He looked pale and tense. His hair was pulled back in a tight bun, as he wore formal Fire Nation attire. He was leaned up against his wooden desk, with his arms crossed against his chest. I felt my eyes trail upwards to his eyes, and at that moment our eyes locked. It was like the air was knocked out of me, and all the emotions I thought I had in check was trying to erupt from within me. Was it too late to build another wall of ice?

            “Ying Yue…” Zuko breathed out heavily. As if my very existence caused him pain. My eyes fluttered down to my feet, feeling completely out of place and almost underneath him. Although Zuko looked upset, miserable, he still had this aura around him that commanded attention. But could I have expected anything less from a Fire Lord? I let out a deep breath and looked upwards, directly at him. “Fire Lord Zuko…” I muttered. Trying to look somewhat confident. But in truth, I didn’t know what to say, or where to start for that matter.

            So there we stood, looking at each other like complete fools, a waiting game as to who will speak first. Zuko’s golden eyes seemed clouded as if he had so much on his mind. What happened when I left? Suddenly, feeling brave, I stepped forward and spoke, “Congratulations, on your engagement, I’m glad things worked out in the end with Mai.” I said softly, trying my best to sound happy. Happy at the fact that he was engaged, but the moment I said those words, it felt like reality was rubbing alcohol in an open wound.

            Zuko sighed heavily and shook his head, letting his head drop as he gazed at the ground, “Save the congratulations because I’m not engaged.” My eyes widen, and I looked at him confused, not…engaged? Did I hear right? “But I asked you yesterday; you said…you said you were,” I said. Zuko uncrossed his arms from his chest and instead gripped the edge of the table. “So are you telling me you lied?” I asked once again after he remained quiet. Zuko chuckled lowly to himself and finally looked upwards, looking at me directly in my eyes.

            “It’s…complicated.” He started. I frowned and crossed my arms. “You want the truth? Well, here it goes. I’m not getting any younger, and as Fire Lord, it’s expected that I have at least some idea of who will bear the heir to the throne. My councilmen thought Mai would be the best option.” I looked down, not wanting to hear the rest. So he is in an arranged marriage? For the sake of his Nation…bound to duty. “But, I refused. I don’t love her.” He finally added. My eyes widen, and I quickly looked up at Zuko.

            For a split moment, a sense of relief engulfed me. Was it wrong for me to be happy? Zuko seemed to take notice at my shift in demeanour because he gave me a weak smile, “I…I don’t want to marry for politics. Look how that turned out for my family.” He said sarcastically. I sighed heavily, knowing very well that his family life was a touchy subject in itself. “But regardless I’m still engaged, just to no one. Since I refuse to marry out of convenience.” Zuko finally stood away from the table and slowly began walking towards me.

            It didn’t take long for his steps to stop right in front of me, so close that I could tell he barely got any sleep last night as his eyes seemed so tired. This must have completely consumed him… “I wanted to tell everyone, but it never felt like the right time. The only person who knew was Sokka, who told Katara. And now we are here…” Zuko finally ended off. I bit my lip anxious, taking in everything he told me. A big misunderstanding, Aang was not joking at all. I shook my head and softly laughed to myself.

            “So…as of now. You are…single?” I asked. Zuko laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “As single as can be.” The moment those words left his lips the urge to smack him completely overcame me. And I punched his arm, hard. Zuko’s eyes widen in shock as he gripped his arm, “That hurt!” He cried out as he rubbed his arm. I looked at him upset, “You should have said no to begin with, you-you idiot! You made me feel like a complete fool.” I cried out. It was then I realized I let my tears fall and this time I punched his chest hard.

            Zuko tightly gripped my wrist that punched his chest, pulling me towards him. My body was entirely pressed against his chest, as his whole frame engulfed me. One arm snaked around my waist while his other hand caressed my head, “I’m sorry. I was an idiot. A fucking idiot.” I didn’t care that I was ruining his expensive Fire Lord clothing at all with my tears and snot. That’s the least of his worries. “I’m going to kill you,” I muttered in his chest, and I could hear Zuko chuckle. “Can you at least wait till I ask you something?”

            I pulled away and wiped away my tears on my sleeve. Zuko smiled at me sweetly, but I could still feel his arm snaked around my waist. “Ying Yue, although I know you probably hate me right now, and this is probably the worst time to tell you this. But…I like you.” I couldn’t help but start laughing. Zuko likes me? He actually just confessed that he has feelings for me? “And this may be wishful thinking…but hopefully, you still feel the same way?” He asked me carefully, probably anticipating another punch to either his arm or chest.

            I shook my head, “Aang was right. You may know how to rule a Nation, but you are a complete fool when it comes to relationships. Of course, I like you! Why would I cry or bother coming here to talk?” I whined. I could tell Zuko was about to refute Aang’s claim, but instead, he laughed. Zuko patted my head, messing up my hair, and I pouted. “I guess that leads us to a more…serious conversation.” He said.

            My ears perked up at the thought of a serious conversation, but he still held me close. “I think we both know that this is not going to be easy.” He started. I nodded my head, he was right. Whatever we were, we were literally screaming out for trouble. It was the type of relationship your parents would advise against, yet here we were. “It’s because I’m a Waterbender?” I asked. Zuko sighed and nodded, “You not being royalty is one issue, the bigger issue at hand is your bending. I couldn’t care less…but the council on the other hand do.” I frowned and played with my fingers.

            “Yesterday, when you left, I spent hours thinking about how I could make us work. And I think I found a way.” He started. I looked at him confused, found a way? Zuko pulled away from me before walking over to his desk. He crouched down, opening a drawer in his study before he pulled a small rectangular box. As he walked back towards me, I could see how ornate the box was; a beautiful red, decorated with gold ink. “Open it.” He said as he passed me the item.

            I gently gripped the box, and I took note of how heavy it was. I carefully lifted the lid, the box was lined entirely with red silk, but in the center was a piece of black marble, shaped like an elongated circle. It had a Fire Nation symbol engraved into it, with a golden dragon swirling around it, embracing the flame. But more importantly, there was a pink gem placed in the forehead of the dragon. At the very bottom, there were words engraved. My fingers gently touched the words, feeling every divot and bump. Imperial Consort…My eyes widen, the heaviness of the words finally sinking in. Imperial Consort? Doesn’t that…Doesn’t that mean…

            “Are you proposing?” 

            Zuko’s eyes widen, and his face flushed, “Wait, what, no! Not that I wouldn’t want to marry you or something, but, uh, no.” He stuttered out. I laughed at his reaction and shook my head, “Imperial Consort, that refers to the Emperor’s wife, the Empress.” I said. Zuko shook his head and gently lifted the marble slab from the box, “For the Earth Nation, in the Fire Nation it means something different.” I titled my head confused, and Zuko thankfully continued.

            “Imperial Consort refers to the partner of the Fire Lord; it’s the highest position I can give to my partner, without marrying her. With this seal, you are fully protected under Fire Nation rule, and have the full respect of royals in the kingdom, since your rank would outrank everyone, besides me. If you accept this seal, you will become a Fire Nation citizen. We could date freely, and it would give me enough time to figure out the finer details in regards to us. But more importantly, this would protect you.”

            The seriousness of this seal was overwhelming, and it was crazy to think that this slab of marble, meant so much. If I accept this… I would have to leave here forever. I would be a full-fledged member of the royal family in the Fire Nation. My duties and roles would completely change. Zuko gently grabbed my hand and brought it up, his other hand still grasping the seal, and just hovering over my open palm. “I hope you know, that although this seal represents a lot, it does not mean that we must change. Should you want to remain friends or whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s just a placeholder, a protective symbol until we figure out what we want to do.”

            I watched the seal dangle upon my palm, the dragon tightly holding the Fire Nation symbol, it was symbolic, the dragon literally held the Fire Lord’s heart. “I guess this finally leads me to the question. Do you, Ying Yue, accept this seal, and want to become the Imperial Consort of the Fire Lord?” I was utterly speechless at the question.

            There were so many factors that I had to think about. Gosh, what would Dad say about this? Katara, Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Suki? Who would look after everything that I was in charge of? Does that mean I have to leave Kima behind? I looked up at Zuko as if I could find my answer, but instead, I was greeted with his stunning gold eyes. He looked down at me with such warmth and happiness, and he smiled at me so gently. I bite my lip nervously, trying to come to a decision. No matter what I say, there were pros and cons, but I knew deep down, what answer would give me the most happiness.

            “Fire Lord Zuko…I…I accept.”

Copyright © 2019 Mystic-Kitten, inc. all rights reserved. No reposting, modifying, or translations of any kind allowed. Thank you for your cooperation.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Storytime!

Sanders Sides Canon Divergence AU - fluff/angst - hurt/comfort - some intrigue - actually has a plot (side eyes my other fics) - largely Virgil centric - it’s about growth i guess idk

Words: 3,960 Warnings: Spiders Characters: Virgil, Janus, Roman, Patton, Logan, (Remus in passing) Universe: Storytime! Genre: Clingy Idiocy still

Chapter 26: In Which Bishops Haunt Virgil Again

newsflash virgil is still clingy but he’s doing okay unlike everybody else

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

   Virgil sat quietly next to Deceit with his hood up as Deceit talked to Remus again the next morning, waiting for whatever this meeting was where Remus got bit was to be over. Virgil leaned heavily on Deceit with the weight of exhaustion lulling him back to sleep. He couldn’t stop his eyes from fluttering periodically, though he stayed awake. He had trouble getting back to sleep this morning for some reason. Lately, he had been sleeping like a rock, but today he just groaned and rolled around after Thomas woke up.

   Remus waved with a manic smile and disappeared from the room. Virgil yawned and looked up to Deceit, who pulled his hood down. Sounds came back to Virgil’s ears as he blinked slowly up to him.

   “Can I stay with you today?” Virgil asked quietly and hung on to Deceit’s cloak.

   “Of course, I’m completely free to lollygag around, Virgil,” Deceit said sarcastically.

   “Please? I’ll be quiet. I’ll just nap for a bit or something,” Virgil pleaded hopefully. He really didn’t like being alone anymore. The idea alone made him squirm.

   “Can’t you play with your other friends?” Deceit looked to him in annoyance.

   “Logan’s on to something and Roman was asking too many questions. I can’t hang out in Pat’s room with him. I’m just too tired to deal with Remus right now. I just want to steer clear for a day. One day is not too bad to skip on, right?” Virgil begged with a sigh. “I don’t want to be alone all day. I know I’ll have to go back to my room later and all,” Virgil couldn’t stop the sad expression on his face from the knowledge of the inevitable and the potential of D just sending him to his room right away.

   “I suppose I can work in here for now,” Deceit conceded, sounding a little frustrated, and shifted to sit against the wall on the bed. He summoned a folder and his signature quill and worked on his wildly involved business. Virgil smiled and curled up next to him, pulled his sound dampening hood over his head, and rested his head on the edge of Deceit’s lap. Virgil looked up to see a half-smile on Deceit’s face and nestled in to and finally started drifting again.

— * * * —

   Patton looked longingly at the clock in the kitchen and frowned. “I guess Virgil isn’t coming to breakfast,” He said sadly, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. They had finished the food some time ago, and they were all sitting around chatting with coffees or cocoa, waiting for their weird anxiety. Roman knew he’d need to stick around to make breakfast for him, but Logan had even finished his paper and didn’t return to his room either. Roman leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs.

   “Maybe he’s sick?” Roman supplied. “He was acting a little odd,” Roman said, feeling worried and glancing at Virgil’s regular chair.

   “I doubt that Thomas has suddenly come down with some kind of mental ailment that would discombobulate Anxiety. He appears to be performing his functions just fine. Thomas is alert, mindful, and ready, to a certain extent. I believe he is just sleeping in again if the past few days are any indication. I am concerned, however, that he has been avoiding me for 2 days,” Logan said tonelessly, flipping through his newspaper.

   “Maybe he doesn’t mean to? He hasn’t been avoiding us and he knows we talk to you,” Patton suggested. “We’ve been busy lately. Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding,” Patton added hopefully.

   “I appreciate your optimism, Patton, but I would like to talk to him, regardless,” Logan said evenly and refilled his coffee cup. “Would you wake him, Roman?”

   “He just said yesterday that it was a terrible idea to wake him up,” Roman said and stayed seated with his latte.

   “Virgil has a tendency to exaggerate at times. It is just part of being anxiety. I am positive you will be fine,” Logan insisted, looking annoyed.

   “If it was something deters Remus of all sides, it’s probably a massive deal. You’re volunteering to come in and help me if I call, then?” Roman grumbled and put his drink down.

   “That is a reasonable compromise,” Logan said, calling Roman’s bluff right away. He didn’t get why Logan couldn’t just go, other than the whole ‘avoiding him’ thing. Roman grimaced and sank down to head to Anxiety’s room.

   The room was well lit, perhaps even a little sun coming through the windows. Nothing seemed out-of-place other than the fact that Virgil definitely wasn’t here. He wasn’t on the stairs, hiding in the couch cushions, not in the kitchen pantry. It was so eerily silent in there that Roman swore he could hear the spiders move. Probably Beatrice on the prowl. At least Roman hoped that Virgil didn’t have any non-pet spiders that were not as docile as Beatrice that he was hearing creep up on him. Maybe it was just the room trying to trick him. Anxiety’s room did always give him the creeps. It was no wonder Virgil enjoyed hanging out in Roman’s room. Roman kicked and pushed and dug around a little more, but it didn’t even look lived in. Virgil usually had blankets and pillows strewn around after waking up since he liked to bundle himself up. There was just one blanket folded neatly on the couch. Roman couldn’t even find a pair of headphones anywhere. Roman gave up searching for him and sunk back to the kitchen table.

   “He’s not in there. It’s so empty that it doesn’t look like he had even been there recently,” Roman said, turning around to look at the stairwell. “I guess he’s in someone’s room?”

   “He could also be in the mind palace,” Logan offered. Roman’s face twinged. He better not be. “That was an odd reaction to my suggestion, Roman,” Logan stated with slight suspicion, raising his eyebrow at Roman.

   “I’m just worried,” Roman said dismissively. Virgil didn’t want anyone to know, and it seemed harmless to hide it. It’s not like it would change anything if Logan knew why he shouldn’t be in there. Virgil would still be missing. “He’s been very present lately, and it’s odd to not see him,” Roman said, sitting back down to work on his latte again.

   “Yeah, it’s been so fun to hang out with Virgil! But maybe he’s recuperating. He has probably been pushing his social energy to the limit lately,” Patton mused with a slight smile.

   “It’d make more sense if he was recuperating in his room, not in the mind palace or in somebody else’s room.” Logan corrected him.

   “Maybe he’s a master of illusion and was hiding in his room!” Patton suggested excitedly.

   “The only illusion I’ve seen him flaunt is somehow being comfortable and not sliding down the stairs when he lies on them,” Roman said, dismissing that idea.

   “Yes, I have also seen Virgil laying upside down on the stairs. I find it somewhat unnerving that he ignores physics so brazenly,” Logan replied. “I do not believe he would be in anyone else’s room, but if you see him, please direct him gently to talk to me. I will finish the information packets in my room,” Logan said with a nod of goodbye a sunk away.

   “Well, I can’t blame him for wanting to talk to Virgil and all, that but was annoying of him to make me his errand boy twice in the same five minutes,” Roman huffed and crossed his arms, leaning back on the chair.

   “Oh, I doubt he meant it like that, champ. It’s only if we see him in passing,” Patton said placatingly.

   “I’ll be in my room working most of the day, not passing by random side’s rooms for fun. I’m following Logan’s stupid schedule. He should know that,” Roman gestured in frustration and took another drink of latte.

   “Thomas has been busy lately. I’m impressed Logan found the time to write something and the packets. I kind of thought he’d skip them this week since you two have been working more and more these past couple days. I’m surprised you’re not more tired in the evenings,” Patton said, leaning forward on his hands.

   “You know me, padre, I’ve got plenty of energy,” Roman smiled knowingly and winked and Patton.

   “Oh! You’re right. I forgot,” Patton giggled. “Well, I hope you take the breaks you need, anyway. Creative burn out is serious business!” Patton said seriously, tapping the table with his pointer finger.

   “I’m well aware. I’ve got it under control. It’s actually nice to blow off steam with Virgil in the evenings,” Roman shrugged and crossed his legs.

   “You have been seeing him at night for a few days now. You haven’t been fighting the entire time, have you?” Patton said, looking critically at Roman.

   “Not the whole time,” Roman scoffed and posed with his hand to imply the implication offended him.

   “You should be nicer to him,” Patton frowned.

   “Trust me, Virgil usually starts it. He’s a little…” Roman considered the right word and twisted his hand in the air while he processed it. “… feral in my room,” Roman flipped his hand in the air. “Last night he tried to start a fight three times,” Roman sighed, shaking his head.

   “Oh! Well, sorry for accusing you of being mean, then,” Patton said sheepishly.

   “It’s fine. I started plenty of fights with him. It wasn’t an unfair assumption, and you haven’t seen him in my room before,” Roman said dismissively with a slight shrug.

   “Well, our kiddo is sure full of a lot more fight than flight, lately!” Patton mused, sipping his cocoa.

   “Well, unless you believe Logan’s whole… ‘avoiding him’ thing. I haven’t seen Virgil do that thing where he stiffens and runs off or anything,” Roman said, not really believing Logan’s accusation. Though Virgil was acting exceptionally weird, either way.

   “As I said, It’s gotta be a misunderstanding. Virgil’s been downright pleasant lately,” Patton pouted, summoning more marshmallows into his drink. 

   “Well, maybe for you,” Roman laughed. “I still say he’s feral. Oh, gorgon breath, Thomas has been at the computer blanking and I didn’t notice. He got there early today,” Roman rushed to stand up. “Damnit, Logan, that’s not on the schedule! I’ve got to run, Pat,” Roman hissed, sending off his drink and standing up quickly.

   “Don’t work too hard, kiddo!” Patton waved after him, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.

   “Work hard, play hard!” Roman called out with a proud grin as he sank out.

— * * * —

   Deceit must have given into the pouting puppy face that Virgil learned from Patton. Instead of all the things Deceit said he was busy with today, they were playing chess on the floor in Deceit’s room with snacks and drinks Deceit had summoned. Virgil had hoped whatever Deceit had planned wasn’t so important that it needed 100% of his focus so that playing chess was okay. But Virgil was happy just to be spending time with D. He always got him and always cared for him in his own weird way.

   Virgil didn’t mind if Deceit used him sometimes, honestly. It was nice to be needed. Deceit had even been more straight-forward with Virgil lately. Virgil was pretty certain Deceit did things the way he did because he didn’t want to be rejected or ignored. Virgil didn’t think it was from any kind of bad place. He could get that probably more than any other side, as a side who used to try to scare the others into listening to him. The other sides were kind of assholes to D, so he didn’t have many options. Deceit was kind of an asshole too, but it was hard to care about that in the past when he’d been helping Virgil constantly in the present. Deceit admitted he was wrong, and that was big of him. Virgil knew he hated doing that with burning and over-dramatic passion.

   Virgil was lying on the ground and agonizing between two different good-looking moves, but he was pretty certain Deceit had already thought ahead and was trying to pick the best move to survive over the best move moving forward.

   “Virgil, your bishop has had an opening for six turns, why do you refuse to use it?” Deceit asked, sounding somewhat baffled. He was sipping his tea cross-legged on the other side of the board and fiddling with one of Virgil’s fallen pawns in his other hand while Virgil was thinking. Virgil involuntarily winced and held his clavicle.

   “The bishop doesn’t need to get items from the king or queen for special moves,” Virgil said quietly, just realizing it was a dumb thing to have been waiting for as soon as he said it. He flinched at his own stupidity and buried his face in his hands.

“We’re not playing that accursed version that Remus plays,” Deceit said, tinged in frustration.

   “I… I know. My brain mixed it up, I guess,” Virgil mumbled through his fingers. “It’s not like either of us was playing like that up until that point. I would have pulled a knife on you already,” He exhaled and let go of his face.

   “Yes, it’s such a magnificent idea to pull a knife on me,” Deceit said sarcastically, tossing up Virgil’s pawn and catching it.

   “Well, how else could I have gotten two turns to take your knight without losing my own?” Virgil said rolling his eyes and flipping his hand out.

   “That’s not chess, Virgil,” Deceit said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know what to call whatever that monstrosity is,” He sounded exasperated by the whole subject.

   “Fun until it’s not,” Virgil said blithely. “You’ve judged for us before, but I’ve never judged for you two, are you any good at his weird version?” Virgil asked, finally making his move. It was a bad one, Deceit had immediately taken his piece, and he wasn’t that far from checking him.

   “I’m such a fan of being attacked,” Deceit said bitterly. Virgil chuckled lightly and looked up to Deceit, who looked annoyed.

   “So, really good until Remus pulls out his morning star,” Virgil posited with a smirk.

   “It’s not an inaccurate summation,” Deceit muttered. “I don’t understand why you want to fight with him so much, other than when your aspects eventually taint each other,”

   “He’s fun to fight. I just feel like I have to around him, I get all wired and need to punch something,” Virgil explained. “It’s certainly not that I want an enemy I can actually beat, unlike the crushing weight of capitalism or something,” Virgil added bitterly.

   “You don’t seem to beat Roman much,” Deceit mused with a raised eyebrow.

   “He’s much more fun when he thinks he has won over me,” Virgil said with a smirk. “Just taking a page out of my favourite noodle’s book,” His head swam for a moment as he fought the effects of Deceit’s room. He had been in here all morning, and it was getting very difficult to think straight.

   “Love the nickname,” Deceit said angrily, taking another one of Virgil’s pieces. Shit. He was within range of the king. “Check, darling,” Virgil scrambled for a move, he luckily still had valuable pieces that could protect the king for now. 

   Except for the fact that his bishops and remaining knight didn’t matter, in the end. Deceit had him beat in a few tense turns, regardless of any saving plays Virgil tried to make. He really was brutal at chess. 

   “Checkmate,” Deceit cooed and knocked over the king piece, the entire board disappearing right after. Virgil slumped to the floor and held his head.

   “Brilliant move,” Virgil mumbled derisively. Deceit placed his hand on Virgil briefly before pulling him up to his feet.

   “You need to go, Virgil,” Deceit said smoothly. Virgil pulled him in for a hug.

   “I’m handling it just fine,” Virgil groaned in frustration. Deceit rolled his eyes and hugged Virgil back, and they both sank out, causing Virgil to grumble angrily as they rose into his room. He stumbled for a moment after rising, feeling a little dizzy.

   “Yes, you are completely well and unaffected,” Deceit hissed, letting go of Virgil. Virgil held on stubbornly, though, partially because he wasn’t ready to be alone and partially because he was concerned he would fall over. “You don’t have to be a brat, darling. I’ll stay for a bit,” Deceit said, loosening Virgil’s grip on him with a tinge of annoyance. Virgil stumbled again when Deceit let go of his arms after pulling Virgil off of him. Deceit caught him before he fell to the floor. “Ah,” He said in understanding and carefully lead him to the couch, sitting down with him.

   “Thanks a lot,” Virgil murmured as Deceit lowered them both down together. Virgil pulled himself into a ball to catch his bearings, leaning against Deceit’s shoulder on the couch. Deceit grabbed the weighted blanket off the back of the couch from his nap yesterday and draped it over Virgil, which was an impressive move with one arm. The weight was really grounding and Virgil sank into the couch and laid down on Deceit’s lap instead of fighting it any longer.

   “I don’t know if any side should stay in another’s room that long,” Deceit hummed. Virgil grunted in acknowledgment, not really wanting to admit it but also not really in any state to disagree. “I would scold you for not saying anything normally, but I don’t think it counts in this circumstance,” Deceit mused. Virgil nodded in his lap, extremely grateful that Deceit understood. “I’ll just have to keep a closer eye on you next time,” Virgil cooed. Virgil looked up at him, seeing Deceit staring at a web instead of looking at Virgil. He was willing to spend more time with him even after Virgil had fucked up and let Deceit’s room get the better of him. He wasn’t even mad at him for it. Virgil sighed in relief and nestled into Deceit’s lap.

   “I’m still too dizzy to do anything else, but if you want to snark at a TV show or something we could do that,” Virgil offered quietly. He watched the remote fly up from the coffee table and the TV switched on. Deceit was flipping through the choices, looking for something to watch with him. Virgil was relieved that Deceit was willing to stay while he recovered.

   Deceit had watched 2 episodes and shared possibly a hundred insults at the characters with him before he turned off the TV and reached down to help pull Virgil up.

   “Thanks for staying,” Virgil muttered, sitting up on the couch now and rubbing his face to focus. Deceit looked like he got hit in the face with a whole-ass eyeshadow palette. He was a great actor, though. He wasn’t shaking or looking around wildly, or really anything. He held out his hand, and Virgil took it, and Deceit pulled him into a hug. Once they broke apart, Deceit conjured a large jar.

   “I require some of your fear spiders for an experiment,” He said twisting off the cap filled with holes and holding it out for Virgil. “I know they’re not quite followers but order them to listen to me,” He said evenly. Virgil looked at him in confusion for a moment, but placed his hand over the top of the jar, creating some spiders and webs for them to house inside the jar.

   “I can’t make them last past Thomas waking, is that okay?” Virgil asked as he finished and Deceit twisted on the top of the jar. Deceit just nodded. Virgil placed his hand on the jar and commanded them to follow Deceit’s orders in his head.

   Deceit kissed his head when Virgil pulled away and waved once as he sunk away with the jar. He wasn’t entirely sure what that was about, but he knew Remus was his test subject since their morning meetings and never minded throwing a wad full of spiders his way, in the same way Remus liked to whip out the demonic ooze often. Virgil sighed and crawled to the top of the couch to write some poetry. He needed a distraction, and it felt like it had been a while. He was partially recovered from Deceit’s room other than feeling exhausted.

   Beatrice crawled onto his head while he was writing, and she argued with him about the symbolism in his poetry sometimes, but her telling him he used death too often or to switch his rhyming scheme, but that was funnier than anything else. She couldn’t even hold a pen. Though perhaps with enough effort and some tiny weights she could type on a laptop. The visual made him chuckle. They wrote together quietly. He’d have to credit her on this sonnet, or she’d throw a fit.

   “Hey, Kiddo, we missed you at-Ahh!” He heard Patton say and watched him rise up, recoil suddenly, and sink back down right away. Virgil laughed pretty loudly.

   “My, Beatrice, your abilities have only grown since I created you. Even I can’t make Patton run screaming,” Virgil said with a laugh. Beatrice spun around on his head proudly.

— * * * —

   “He’s in his room this time,” Patton said, raising into the living room and rubbing his arms. “That giant creepy crawly was on his head!” He cried out and clung to Logan, who was working on the schedule in the recliner. Logan just sighed and pat him on the back, being slightly crushed by Patton’s hug.

   “Was he doing anything odd?” Roman asked curiously, looking up from his laptop at the table. Patton released Logan finally and went to go sit on the couch. He took a deep breath of relief.

   “He was sitting on the back of the couch writing in a composition notebook,” Patton said with a little shiver and summoned a blanket and wrapped himself up.

   “That’s completely normal for Virgil,” Logan said. “Did you ask him if he was still going to meet us later for the story session?”

   “There was a giant spider on his head, Logan, I’m lucky I made it out alive!” Patton whined and buried himself in the blankets.

   “I have never seen him with a larger spider than Beatrice, and she is only slightly large for a tarantula, I don’t know if he can even conjure larger arachnids,” Logan said plainly.

   “There are larger spiders than Beatrice!?” Patton screamed and sank from his spot on the couch, his blanket collapsing to the couch. Logan shook his head wearily.

   “I can’t believe he remembered that creeper’s name,” Roman said, rolling his eyes and returning to the laptop. “I’ll just send a note to remind Virgil,” Roman flicked his wrist and summoned the note pad. “I’m not a big fan of that fuzzy demon either,” Roman said and flourished his hand and the note disappeared. He went back to typing and Logan waited patiently to see if there would be a response. A skull sticky floated down to his laptop. “He sent a haiku about how he wants to punch me in the face?” Roman said incredulously and extremely confused.

   “That response seems more like something your brother would send,” Logan said, walking over to the table to take the note from Roman to see for himself. Roman handed it over and shrugged. It was indeed a simple haiku about how he wants to punch Roman in the face in Virgil’s handwriting. But the backside had a big checkmark. He showed Roman the check and placed it down on the table. “Well, he is informed and aware,” Logan said dismissively and returned his work.

taglist: @itsaamood-33 @elizabutgayer​ 

[han100894]

Spoilers for The Girl Genius Novel 4 –Mostly about Zeetha and Higgs

Okay I’m just going to start and say that so far I, in my obsession, mostly skimmed the book to find the parts with Higgs and Zeetha. So full disclosure there, I haven’t actually finished it yet. I got impatient with waiting for my physical copy and bought the ebook. I’ll read it properly with my physical copy arrives.

So I just have to say I’m really annoyed that the doubled down on the “Zeetha was being irresponsible and overconfident” bit—they even straight up admit that what happened was because of the plant and she was drugged, but still act like it was all her irresponsibility. That’s not how this works. When someone is drugged out of her mind—and to make it clear, yes so was everyone else, but they were aware they were drugged, Zeetha was clueless and so couldn’t fight it nearly as well—you can’t call them irresponsible and overconfident.

Not to mention, she didn’t even really do anything overconfident? She just briefly talks to Tarvek—that’s it. Also Higgs is the first one hit—he gets shoved back before Zeetha gets stabbed. He then also, while fighting very seriously—gets stabbed just like her? What exactly does he think would have gone differently had Zeetha not briefly talked to Tarvek?

And I get and understand that since this was his first wakeup call that he liked her (though I don’t think he actually realized truly realized until he’s on the clank—the way he words it makes it sound like he’s just figuring it out himself that he likes her, and wants her, and wants her to like him to) and so he’s not thinking straight and being overprotective—but I really wish the narrative would maybe point that out? Instead of acting like it’s a fact.

Like even if it’s just Mamma pointing out the he also got stabbed, after the fact, exactly like Zeetha did? Or Agatha tell Zeetha after her apology that no—you were unknowingly drugged—that’s not overconfidence, that’s not how that works?

Plus, honestly I feel that despite the fact he was trying to resolve her guilt when she first woke up, that Higgs focus on her “overconfidence” likely only worsened her guilt. She seems to take his opinion as fact as well…

Actually I think that a good chunk her trying to show off to Higgs is that she’s desperately trying to prove herself good enough after what happened. Both because she likes him and quite possible think all he sees in her is an idiot at this point, but also for her own sake… granted that second part is going into headcanon territory here.

(I have an headcanon/ fanon that Zeetha has a problem with “not being good enough” that comes from being a twin is Skifander, where her achievements were never good enough for a lot of people who saw her as a twin and nothing else, no matter how good they were or even if they were equivalent to those her age around her that got praised—so if that headcanon is true then well… Higgs words may have been a bit of a blow… Also in my fanon it’s her grandmother who is the worst of it too… so double blow?)

I should probably get over it, but it annoys me. I swear there was never anything major that indicated Zeetha had a problem with overconfidence until this subplot, so it still feels like it’s forced, and as the double down it feels even more so? Zeetha already gets to play worf whenever she’s fighting, it would be nice if she could at least not get called overconfident to. Especially in a world of Sparks—who are beyond overconfident and reckless—get to get away with it constantly?

(Yes, with the Horsie Beastie she gets a sprained ankle, but that’s the risk of fighting short ranged—and she was the only one of the group to work with someone else (Yeti) with a plan instead of just stumbling over everyone else. With Passholdt she’s very aware this is serious and they could die, and as she fought Lu in Agatha despite her boastings she was careful, both to test what Lu could do but also to not hurt Agatha to much (A wrong punch can kill someone after all).

Though I do like that it’s implied Zeetha did get Mamma’s blessing to join the fighting. And that other than her injury throbbing (as to be expected) she’s not shown once to actually be struggling with it. It’s not slowing her down, weakening her, or limiting her movements at all. She shows no sign of having trouble breathing, even after fighting or running, despite the fact her lungs had to have been punctured.

Though her injury… or rather her treatment… While it’s not confirmed here it is heavily implied she got the draught which, I mean yeah in canon it’s canon but still. I’m still not thrilled with the idea. Zeetha had been worfed so often that it just feels cheap—and kinda sad—that going forward she’ll likely win not through her own power (or even choice, she didn’t get to make the decision to take the draught after all) but through a mcguffin.

I would have also liked to see her power up come from either herself (Whether her keeping up as a badass normal, or some kind of war spark (I still hold onto the theory she had like, half the spark gene, and she had a psudo breakthrough when killing Bang’s fleet that maybe she’ll one day be able to control) or from something related to Skifander (since it is her character’s plot, and a huge part of her life.) Instead she once again kind feels like she getting overshadowed, whether by her connection it Agatha or her connection with Higgs. I like Ziggs, and it’s potential, a lot but I don’t want Zeetha downgraded to being basically Higgs girlfriends, which a lot of what has happened so far has felt like…

Well I’m just not thrilled.

I am hoping that her odd reaction (Two and half years in she’s neither mutated, or shown any enhanced ability in toughness or strength) to it is eventually going to mean that no—she didn’t react to the Jägerdraught in any normal way and isn’t becoming a Jäger. That her Skifandrian heritage (Which likely has something similar to the Dyne considering the connection of the Queens, and needing that power to become one…) basically neutralized it beyond taking the dyne water in its energy to heal her… or something. So she can get a proper power up through something else.

(I mean, I like the idea that Higgs won’t lose her to old age, but also kinda wish that a different method would be used to stop that… God Queen anyone XD. Though if all it did was make her un-ageing and that her power up comes from something else, I’m okay with that to.)

(…I still love the idea of God Queen Zeetha though… I mean, she almost more than Agatha has connections to that plot line thanks to Skifander.)

Also it’s confirmed she did die, briefly, which like… um, if she was that bad off maybe Higgs should have walked a little faster through the Castle, or let Agatha actually set her up on life support or something. They had set on Von Pinn rather quickly after all I mean… but whatever. They wanted her to die, for some reason. Probably to try and drive the overconfident point home… or something. (Or maybe to go God Queen you have to die, take the dyne water (or equivalent, it’s the energy that matters I think) and then get electrocuted… while the electrocution takes several years after the others that has all happened to Zeetha like it did Agatha…just saying…)

Also I’d like to say that Higgs stealing her swords was still a shitty thing to do. An understandably shitty thing to do, but a shitty thing to do regardless. While he may not know that, they are very important to her (they are the only thing she keeps in good condition before she meets Agatha, even her arm bands are grimy) and most importantly she’s an adult. Maybe take them away, still shitty but sure, but actually hiding them is infantilizing at best. Again him acting unreasonable because of sudden case of feeling, but I wish something had been made of it.

Also I want to make it clear, I’m not upset with Higgs actions. It’s great fodder for misunderstandings, a bit of angst, and grounds for them to have a good long talk that will end with their relationship growing stronger as well as character development. I’m just a bit annoyed with how the narrative as a whole is viewing them as well as… honestly… I no longer have much faith of the Fogilos when it comes to character three dimensionsness and development. So I’m… leery…

But enough of that, another thing to wonder

Who the heck is Omeetza that Zeetha briefly thinks is Higgs? IS this going to be a Time travel thing? Are the group going to end up in the past and become legends in Skifander? That would be hilarious. Makes me wonder what the “drive and burning singlemindedness” is about if it is/ will be him. 10 digibucks it has something to do with helping Zeetha. (Hopefully without overshadowing her though, please let the Skifander plot revolve around mostly her side of things, she’s been overshadowed so much.)

The other two options is that Higgs is just vaguely resembles a legendary figure, or that he’s been to Skifander in the past. The first one is boring, and also unlikely because why bring it up without fully explaining the legend then, and the last one I hope not, though, he does have an odd reaction when looking at the swords… so maybe he’s seen them before?

To be fair I understand him keeping that secret much more than him not telling Zeetha about the draught, he couldn’t answer that one as easily without letting his secrets go—plus knowing Zeetha he has no idea just how bad not knowing where Skifander is hurt even three years later. Though you would think that would have come up now that he’s confessed. And also I have a harder time think Zeetha would just let the fact he knew that go as easily. She might understand but I can’t help but feel it should hurt.

Alright back to a little salt though, I swear if it comes out that Zeetha wasn’t at least aware Higgs was a high ranking Jäger, if not a general or spymaster (though even those would be nice) then I’m gunna riot. The novels are even more clear how suspicions she is of him, and if Gil and Tarvek can figure it out—so can she. The Spark doesn’t help with noticing things like this (In fact I’d say generally it makes it harder) and Zeetha has just as much royal training as both of them. It would make no sense if she didn’t figure it out but let the secret lie until he told her. The only reason would be to make Gil and Tarvek more special in the main characterness, I swear…