#i am aware why they made the decision but it could have been handled better

[cycyuu]

In just 4 hours wow...

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗱𝗲

paring: mum!florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): fluff fluff fluff, flo being a mum, r also being a mum, pregnant!flo, flo melting by just looking at her family

warning(s): tooth rotting sweet, grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 2.3k

note: you asked (I asked), you begged (@allbeatriz begged) and now 'Same shade of green' part 2 is here! FINALLY. Shout out to that lovely person that got me into writing this fic. I love you, stranger, and I really hope you like it. Hope you all enjoy, lots of love, M. <3

requests are open! + check my rules here + masterlist <3

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Part 1 | Part 2 ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Florence always knew she wanted kids, she had always pictured her future surrounded by cute little children.

Then Aaron came along and she felt like it was meant to be. Sure, the baby’s dad wasn’t in the picture, hell, he wasn’t even aware the kid existed until he was born. But it was just how things unfolded, he had left town before she was even aware she was pregnant, and then she couldn’t bother to reach out to him.

She felt like she owed it to her son, he needed his father in his life. So when Aaron was born, she got in touch with him. But he didn’t want anything to do with the baby. Florence didn’t push him, she wasn’t going to let someone into her baby’s life if that person didn’t want to be part of it.

At first she thought it was the right thing to do, but then Aaron grew up and she could tell that there was something pissing him off, yet he never said anything about it. Florence felt guilty for taking that decision for him, she wanted to take it back, she should have done something about it. But then you came along, and somehow you made everything better.

Your eyes were squinted, your tongue was poking out of your lips, brows furrowed, deep in concentration.

“No! Dang it!” you muttered, making the two greeneyed chuckle.

“Eat my dust,” Aaron joked beside you.

“You got me again, little man,” you said, gently ruffling his hair.

It was the third time in a row that Aaron had beat you, it was kinda lame losing to a 10 year old at ‘Mario Kart’, but it was worth it to see him smile at you.

“Okay, time for bed, mister sweet face.”

“Five more minutes, mum, please,” Aaron looked at Florence with puppy eyes.

“It’s late, Aaron.”

“Please,” he tried again, but Florence had a stern face. So he tried with you.

“Oh no, please don’t look at me like that.”

“Five more minutes.”

“Buddy, I—.”

“Please,” you swore you could melt by just looking at those big doe eyes.

You looked at Florence, seeking help. But she was already looking at you, carefully watching your next move, letting you handle the situation.

You cleared your throat, “If you go to bed now, I promise we can get ice cream tomorrow,” you negotiated with the little man.

“Cookie dough and vanilla ice cream?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay, that’s a deal,” he shook your hand. “Good night then,” he said with a smile on his face, leaving a peck on your cheek.

“Good night, little man.”

“Night, mum,” he went to kiss Florence goodnight.

“Night, baby. Sweet dreams,” she kissed his forehead and watched as he entered his bedroom.

Florence took a seat beside you on the couch, letting her body crash against yours as you wrapped an arm around her.

“So, how did I do?” you said with a tint of mischief.

“What do you mean?”

“I know what you are doing.”

“What am I doing?”

“You let me handle him. Why do you do that?” you were genuinely curious.

“I don’t know, I—,” you could tell she was holding something back.

“What is it? Tell me,” your fingertips brushed her hair, offering her some comfort.

“You know how I’ve always wanted kids,” you hummed in response. Ever since you had met Aaron 5 months ago, Florence had come clean to you and told you how she always wanted to be a mother. “Well, I have been thinking, like a lot, this isn’t just a rush thought,” she was rambling, she was clearly nervous.

“Just spit it out,” you chuckled.

“I want another baby.”

You stopped brushing her hair, which she noticed.

“I know, I know,” she said, turning to face you. “We’ve only been dating for a year now, and you had only met Aaron just five months ago. But Y/n, you have to understand that it’s what I want,” her bottom lip was trembling. “And I need to know if it’s something you would eventually want or else I… I don’t know.”

But she did know, she would have to let you go. Something she didn’t want to do, but she couldn’t force you into something you wouldn’t want to be part of. Her heart would break into a million pieces.

You felt your stomach sink into itself, she had caught you off guard. You knew this was a long overdue conversation. She had repeatedly told you how much she loved Aaron and you weren’t blind, you could tell she loved kids. That conversation was bound to happen, you just thought you would have a little more time to figure how you felt.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want kids at all, the thought had never crossed your mind. You were always too busy with your life, living in the present as you called it. And then you met Florence, and you started to think about your future with her right by your side. And then Aaron came along.

At first it was weird, for the three of you, but mostly for you. You felt you didn't belong, like you were in their way. They were a family and you were just you, trying to figure yourself out. But the little man welcomed you with open arms, and that was all it took for your walls to break down. You thought that things wouldn't work out, that he would hate. But it was quite the opposite really.

“Y/n?” Florence snapped you out of your thoughts.

Her eyes were watery, your silence made her uneasy. She regretted having brought up the subject, she could tell you weren’t ready for that kind of commitment. But she had to know where you stood.

Who were you to deny her such wish? You only wanted to make her happy.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your heart. “I say… we should try to make one right now.”

“What?” she sounded surprised.

“Aaron’s asleep, isn’t he?” you began to kiss her neck.

A soft moan escaped from her lips, “We don’t have to—,” you could feel the tint of worry and doubt in her voice.

“Yes, we do,” your hot breath on her neck sent a shiver up her spine. “I want this, okay?” you searched for her eyes. “I want this, I want you,” you kissed her lips. “Unless, of course, you don’t want to make a baby right now. In that case, I’m gonna make some tea,” you teased her, kissing her jaw.

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“Oh, I’m gonna do more than that,” you smirked as you watched her cheeks go crimson red.

[…]

You leaned your head to the side, squinting your eyes trying to understand what your eyes were looking at.

“So that’s the head?”

“Yes,” the doctor answered.

“I just don’t— oh, there it is,” you said, smiling up at the screen. Finally seeing the baby’s body.

“Looks fat,” Aaron said next to you.

“Aaron!” Florence scolded him, making the doctor chuckle.

“Yeah, she does,” you giggled.

“Y/n!” she now scolded you.

“But she still will be cute, don’t worry about it,” you joked.

“How do you know they are a she?” she raised her brow at you, as the doctor moved around the tool on her belly checking on her baby.

“That’s my kid, right there. I know.”

“Yeah, sure,” Florecen rolled her eyes at you. But couldn’t shake the butterflies she felt when you said ‘my kid’.

“Well, the baby’s healthy, nothing to worry about. I’ll see the four of you in about 3 weeks, and we can see the baby’s sex.”

“I’m telling you, doc. It’s a girl,” you nudge the boy beside you. “Right, buddy?”

“Yeah, I guess,” you noticed he didn’t sound excited at all.

“Okay, that’s it for today. See you guys later,” the doctor said as she closed the door behind her.

“Oh, gosh. I’m starving,” Florence said as she cleaned herself up and adjusted her top. “I’ll go to the restroom and then I’ll meet you guys at the car, okay?”

“Yeah, go ahead, love.”

The two of you walked in silence back to the car, and you could tell something was up with him since it wasn’t like him not to be talking. He was like Florence in that way, they always had to be doing something or else they would explode. Unless, of course, something was up with them.

“Okay, spit out, little man.”

He looked at you, and he knew there was no escaping from this conversation.

“I just… I don’t know…”

“It’s okay, take your time.”

He breathed in, “I don’t want things to change,” and then breathed out, as if a weight was lifted off of his shoulders now that he had said those words.

“Oh,” you understood. He had been an only child for 10 years, soon to be 11. Of course this whole thing was a big change for him. “Look, honey. I can’t promise you that nothing will change because change is part of life. But I can promise you that your mum and I are always going to be her for you, okay?”

“I just… I don’t think I'm ready to share my mamma with someone else,” he shyly confessed.

“Oh, Aaron, baby. it’s okay to feel like that. But you must know that your mum loves you dearly, and another baby won’t change that.”

“No, not mum. I don’t wanna share you, mamma.”

Your heart skipped a beat, “Me?” You asked in disbelief.

“Yes!” he complained. “I just got you and now I have to share you, it’s not fair,” he said walking faster to the car, clearly mad.

“Aaron, wait up,” you jogged to catch up to him.

You stood right in front of him, looked into his watery eyes and then hugged him tightly. You could feel him sobbing into your chest as you ran your fingertips through his dark hair.

“It’s okay, baby,” you cooed. You didn’t know he felt this way for you, you swore you could melt right there.

“You will like her more than me.”

“Hey, no! Don’t say that,” you gently pulled him away to look at him in the eyes. “Don’t say that, okay? You are very special to me, you know that?” your hands cupped his cheeks as your thumbs wiped away his tears. “You may not be mine biologically, Aaron. But you must know that I care for you as if you were.”

His bottom lip was trembling, his eyes had a red hue around them and at that moment he looked exactly like Florence.

“It’s important to me that you know that, okay?” he nodded. “And I’ll remind you of that as many times as I have to, alright?” he nodded once again, and smiled as you left a sweet kiss on his forehead.

“Oh, there you two are,” Florence said, approaching the two of you. “Is everything okay?” she asked as she could tell something had happened while she was gone.

“Yeah, mum. Everything’s good,” Aaron said, as he held you tightly.

Florence looked at you confused, but you just muttered a ‘later’ under your breath and she understood.

“Okay, who’s hungry?” you said, snapping the two greeneyed out of their thoughts.

[…]

The moment her loud crying filled your ears you swear your heart stopped beating for an entire minute.

You felt all types of emotions all at once, happiness, anxiety, love, worry, joy, fear, devotion. It felt as if you were finally complete. And then when you got to hold your babygirl, with Florence and Aaron right beside you, you finally felt at home.

“Oh, I’m so glad she has your nose,” was the first thing that came out of your lips, making the two green eyed chuckled.

“I hope she doesn’t have your bad temper,” Florence mumbled.

“Or her bad jokes,” Aaron added.

“Hey! Knock it off, you two,” you meant to sound hurt, but you were filled with happiness that it was impossible for you to feel some other way.

“Can I hold her?” Aaron shyly asked.

“Of course, buddy,” you smiled at him.

He got comfortable in his chair and you gently placed his baby sister in his arms. Aaron gently brushed his index finger through her tiny hand, and you watched as Florence's eyes began to get watery.

“She opened her eyes,” Aaron gasped.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but ugh…” he scoffed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you scoffed back at him, getting closer to him and watching your baby girl over his shoulder.

“She has your eyes,” he mumbled, annoyed, playfully rolling his eyes at you, making Florence giggled.

“How dare you, little man?” you wiped a fake tear from your eye.

You watched closer, it was true. She did have your eyes, same shape, same shade as yours. And you couldn't help but smile at that, fighting back the tears, because you promised yourself that you wouldn't be one of those corny people who cried just by looking at their babies. But there you were, almost sobbing just by looking at her in Aaron’s arms.

You watched as he began to baby talk to his sister and a smile formed on your face, biting your bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

“We did good, didn’t we?” you whispered to a sleepy Florence, getting back to her side.

“We did great,” she smiled back.

“Why don’t you get some rest, my love?” you left a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Yeah…” she yawed. “I love you, Y/n.”

“I love you even more. Now, get some rest. We’ll be here when you’ll wake up,” you said as she drifted off to sleep.

A smile formed on Florence’s lips as she realised how lucky she was, and how grateful she was for the three of you. She swore she could have melted right there, in that hospital room, surrounded by the people she loved the most on earth.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[glassartpeasants]

Killer angst drabble cause why not

gn!reader

~~~

You knew how much Kid meant to him. It was obvious from the start of the relationship. Anywhere Kid went, Killer was right behind him. They were best friends since childhood so who were you to try and split them apart? But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

There's been countless times where Killer has ditched you for Kid. He wouldn't even notify you that he wouldn't show up, he'd just stand you up. You tried to explain to Killer that it hurt your feelings and if he could at least let you know that he wouldn't show up. It lead to a huge fight. Words were said, tears were shed and it ended up with you two breaking up for a week or two.

You tried to ignore the heartbreak cause you didn't want to make the crew uncomfortable. Hell you even talked to some people about leaving the Kid Pirates. After all, Killer was the reason you joined. So now that you two weren't a thing anymore, there was no reason to be on the Victoria Punk. The tension was too thick for you.

Yet the moment you had gotten ready to pack your bags, Killer approached you. He promised he'd do better and that you did mean something to him. You believed him the first two months but then he slowly started going back to how it was. Which left you to where you are now, watching the stars with your bag in you lap as you sit on the railing.

"The city lights look inviting doesn't it? It's a pretty city and island. Maybe I can stay here until a ship shows up to take me home." Your heart burned at the thought of never hearing Killer's voice again. Even if you didn't want to admit it, a small part of you had been ready to leave since the huge fight. Knowing you'd always be in second, third, and fourth place for Killer. You'd never be his first priority, no matter what happens.

"Not even a competition, and you still won Eustass Kid." Whispering to yourself, your aware of the tears slowly falling down your face. A sad little laugh leaves your lips as you wipe the tears away.

"Your crying." Jumping from the sudden noise, you snap you head around and see your soon to be ex.

"Yeah. I guess I am." A seconds silence fell over the two if you.

"What's wrong?"

"Just settling on my final decision." Even without seeing his face, you knew he was puzzled.

"Which is?" Taking a deep breath, you respond.

"That I'm breaking up with you." Killer’s body tensed at your words. The glassy look in your eyes had him realizing that this wasn't a joke or prank.

"I'm sorry Killer, I knew that Kid was super important to you when we got together and I thought I could handle you spending almost all your time with Kid. Unfortunately I've realized that I cant." Your lips tremble as you try to gently smile.

"I don't want you to lose a friendship you've had since childhood just cause of me." You feel the Victoria Punk start to move away from the island.

"S-Shit (Y/N) I'm sorry. I know I've been ditching you and that I promised that I stopped and you have every right to be mad-"

"I'm not mad. At least not anymore."

"But you should be! You should be mad! I made you a promise and I broke it after saying I'd change. Why aren't you yelling at me?! Why aren't you mad that I lied to you?!"

"Because I love you." Killer could feel his heart beating fast as the weight of his actions finally hit him. He tried to speak yet nothing came out.

"And that's why I have to go. Life is about living and learning. And we simply learned that we weren't meant to be. But that's okay, you'll finally someone who works out better for you." You start to put on your bag to get ready to jump off the ship and onto the dock the Victoria Punk was moving away from. Killer grabs your hand and pulls himself closer to you.

"I don't want someone else, I want you. You and only you. Give me another chance please (Y/N)." Facing Killer and his mask, you press a kiss to where his lips would be. Tears flow down your face knowing that's the last kiss you'd ever give him.

"I better see your name in the newspaper often." Slipping tour hand away from his quickly, you whisper one last thing before jumping on the very last edge of the dock.

"Goodbye Massacre Soilder Killer. I love you." You land on the dock and watch the Victoria Punk sail past the dock. And you watch with a heavy heart as Killer starts running to the end of the ship to catch you while screaming to stop the ship.

He looked at you and screamed your name as he sailed farther and farther away, watching you wave him goodbye with tears in your eyes.

[morallygreyvigilante]

ik it's a topic that's been done to death but, thoughts on the poor handling of consequences in mha?

The consequence handling in My Hero Academia does very much suck, but I can somewhat understand the reasoning for it.

For me, the first instance that comes to mind was the first training exercise pitting Midoriya and Uraraka against Bakugou and Iida. The instance I'm talking about is specifically the later stage of the exercise where Bakugou launched a full-power blast directly at Midoriya despite specifically being told not to.

I don't have a lot to say about this one, Bakugou ignored a direct order and - when told that the blast could potentially kill Midoriya - claimed that "he'll [Midoriya] be fine if he dodges." The exercise should've immediately been terminated and Bakugou should've been punished for:

Disobeying a direct order from the supervising teacher.

Displaying a lack of consideration or care for a fellow student.

Yes, I am aware that this was the first exercise that they'd participated in, and that rash actions/decisions are probably to be expected. But this kind of behaviour/thinking should've been nipped in the bud immediately.

The second instance that comes to mind is the Hosu incident from the Hero Killer Arc, where Midoriya, Iida, and Todoroki weren't credited for taking Stain down.

Now, why did this make sense?

It gets mentioned after the incident that while their actions were ultimately a good thing, they had also technically broken the law because they hadn't been given permission to engage the villain/use their quirks. If their involvement was made public then it could've damaged their chances going forward. However, I do think that the whole thing could've been handled a bit better.

When Midoriya headed into the city with Gran Torino, it was specifically to look for villains and - in the context of the previous conversation - it was specifically so Midoriya could gain some experience fighting different types of opponents with his new technique. While it's true he wasn't explicitly given permission to engage, it was already heavily implied that he would be allowed to.

Granted, we didn't see much of Iida and Todoroki before their involvement in the fight. But, based on what we knew of Endeavor at this stage in the series, I find it very strange that he wouldn't have already given Todoroki clearance to engage especially since it was made clear that he'd already received some form of "training" before U.A. Iida, however, did very much run off on his own. But, again, we don't really see much of their sides.

The issue with arc was very much a lack of clarity.

The third instance was the final exams I believe? Now, again, this one does make some kind of sense. So this one's going to be looking at Sero, Kaminari & Mina, Midoriya & Bakugou.

So, first one up, Sero. I think the issue that a lot of people take with this one is that Sero did contribute quite a bit towards his exam with Mineta, and I do agree that Mineta would've failed if not for the help Sero provided. However, the students were informed that they would fail the exam if they were either incapacitated, or they ran out of time. Sero was incapacitated so - as much as it sucks - it wasn't entirely unfair. He just got unlucky.

The exam with Kaminari and Mina, I feel, is the midway point on this scale. It's important to bare in mind that the purpose the exams was to make the students face the areas they're weaker in and see how they manage to work around it (if at all). Nezu was a pretty good opponent as far as that goal went, however - while it was played up for comedy - I do believe he went overboard. I'm not saying he should've gone easy on them because that wouldn't have been at all helpful in the long run, but I do think he took it too far.

And then, of course, there's the clusterfuck that was Midoriya and Bakugou's exam. From the get go this exam was heavily weighted towards Bakugou's development and not Midoriya's.

Midoriya has shown a willingness to work with others since day one, we saw it in the first battle trial with Uraraka, we saw it in the sports festival, we saw it in the Hero Killer arc. Midoriya will work with anyone.

This is exactly why he was paired up with Bakugou, who - at this stage - showcased a generally bad disposition towards teamwork of any kind, especially teamwork of any kind with Midoriya. He went as far as to physically attack Midoriya during the exam, which should have been an immediate disqualification. Yes, it was an exam, but it was a simulation intended to form an idea of how the students would operate in the field at their current level. Attacking your allies is not acceptable behaviour.

Of course, he did ultimately decide to work with Midoriya eventually, but by that point he should've already been disqualified.

As far as I can tell, the only issue they really had with Midoriya at this stage was the whole "putting All Might on a pedestal" thing. And while I agree that it was an issue that needed to be dealt with, it shouldn't have been done in a high-stress situation while also having him effectively serve as a stepping stone for Bakugou's development.

It's also worth mentioning that All Might (like Nezu) went way overboard given the nature of the assignment, but the series did at least acknowledge that part, so I won't linger on it for too long.

And finally, the fight between Midoriya and Bakugou after the provisional license exam.

Quite simply, Bakugou was the one in the wrong here. He specifically instructed Midoriya to go with him, he specifically led him somewhere where he thought there wouldn't be any witnesses, and he was the one to instigate the fight.

Yes, Midoriya did eventually start fighting back. But it's important to note that Midoriya didn't start fighting back immediately, instead he tried to calm the situation down and keep out of the way, and even if he didn't start fighting back it seemed highly unlikely that Bakugou would've let him leave without dealing some damage.

I do understand why Midoriya was punished, since he did ultimately join the fight. And his punishment was admittedly lighter, though not by much considering he only did so because he wasn't being given another option.

Now, I have heard people say that the main reason Bakugou picked this fight in the first place was because of the guilt he felt over All Might's retirement, because fighting was the only way he knew how to process his emotions (which does raise some flags) and he wanted someone to punish him. And, while that does provide an explanation, it doesn't excuse his actions.

The main thing about this instance that bugs me, is that I'm pretty sure that this was the event that led to Bakugou finally being told about One For All (I could be remembering wrong because it's been a while since I watched that season, so take this bit with a pinch of salt). Yes I know Midoriya let it slip in the first season but since Bakugou didn't seem to believe him at the time, I'm not counting it.

At this stage (particularly under these specific circumstances) Bakugou had not displayed enough maturity to be told the specifics about a secret had very little to do with him (if at all), especially since All Might himself had already pointed out how dangerous it could be if too many people found out. Of course, Bakugou himself made no attempts to reveal the secret afterwards, but the fact remains that his prior behaviour - at least, as far as I'm concerned - in no way indicated that he could be trusted with that kind of information, especially not since it involved Midoriya.

[ineffableluci]

I leave the first part of my fic! (It's my first one so don't be so cruel to me :) nice comments for me to get better at english are appreciated tho)

Name: Endgame

Fandom: Helluva Boss

Ships: Stolitz

Summary:

Stolas gave Blitz the crystal, little fight, little make up...long story short, they're okey. Although, there's smth they have to solve yet...Stolas is called for a trial by the Goetias, and it leads to secrets they didn't know about each other...

-Oh, shit- Stolas thought - THE TRIAL. Blitzy, dear, wake up .We’re going late!

-Wha...Oh, fuck! Shitshitshitshit- Blitz screamed.

That day, the Goetias had called Stolas to a trial without specificating what it was about. They imagined that it was about their realtionship. The night before, Stolas and Blitz had a deep conversation about it, and decided that they would accept the decision that made less harm to their families, especially Stolas and Via.

Of course, Blitz stayed at the palace... and it looks like someone has overslept.

-Where are my pants?

-And my hat?

They prepared themselves as fast as they could. The trial was at 9.00 am, and it was already 8:50.

Inside of the carriage, they held hands.

Maybe they don’t think anything bad, maybe they just want to...talk about it? Stolas thought.

Blitz could perceive that Stolas was nervous.

-Hey, Stols- he whispered. He took the bird’s face in his hands and looked at him in the eyes.- Everything will be ok, do you hear me? No matter what those fucks decide, you the girls and I will stick together. We will be...- he was going to say “a family”, but he wasn't ready for that yet, not in that moment.- fine.- he said instead.

-I...- Stolas blushed and his eyes filled with tears- Thanks for coming with me  ,Blitz. I could have never done this in my own.

They kissed gently. There was no lust in it, just love and support.

The door was half open, so they could hear Vassago, one of the Goetias, saying:

-And where is Stolas anyway?

-Here -Stolas replied -sorry for the delay.

Everyone in the room remained in silence while Stolas and Blitz took their seats.

-So, where were we?-.Vassago continued.

At first, they explained the reasons why Stolas was being judged. Both Stolas and Blitz were surprised when a Goetia said:

-The reason of judgment is that the Prince lent his personal Grimoire to a hellborn of lower class for him to travel to the mortal realm, and that’s against the law-

Stolas didn’t know that they knew about his...loans of his book.

“Andrealphus must have been spying on me” he thought.

-Wait, so you aren’t mad at us for having a relationship? -Blitz asked for the both of them.

-Not really. I mean, we’re not very in favour of it, but we don’t consider it’s a fair reason of judgement when Stolas is legally divorced and has already produced a precautionary heir.- Vassago explained.

-So, it is the moment- He announced- After a long debate, our final decision is that this situation is being dangerous for the habitants in Hell. It has come to our ears that a group of human demonhunters is aware of your little works on Earth, and we have decided that, as punishment for putting in danger the safety of Hell, you will stop being part of royalty. Your powers and your possessions will be taken from you and you'll pass to be a hellborn of the lowest class.

Stolas couldn't even speak.

-All that only for... trying to help someone?- He said.

-Well, I don’t fucking agree- Blitz shouted.- Do y'all think you can take his-

-Blitz, dearest, I can handle it- Stolas whispered.

-No, no way I'm going to let you accept.- he answered.- He hasn’t done anything wrong.- He screamed to the court.- I was the one that tried to stole his book in the first place, so don’t punish him.-

Immediately he regretted his words.

-Blitz... what do you mean you tried to stole my book?- Stolas asked with a tremulous voice.

- I...- Blitz gasped.

Fuck...why do I always have to mess things up?

-Do you need a moment? - Vassago asked.

- Yes, please.-

Stolas went quickly out of the room to the corridor. When Blitz arrived, he was with his back towards the door.

-Stols, I...- Blitz sighed- the day I sneaked into your house, I wasn’t there to see you. I was there because I knew your book had access to the human realm, and I needed it for the business.I’m really, really sorry Stols.

-All this time thinking you thought of me...that you remembered me...- Stolas sobbed.

Blitz reached his hand and turned him to him.

He was bursting into tears. Blitz took both of his hands and made him kneel so they were the same heigh.

-Stolas, I’m truly sorry. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew this would happen...but ey, I assure you, all the time I didn’t think about you then, I think it now- a smile appeared in Stolas face.- Yeah, fuck...I can’t stop thinking about you, you pretty bird. How you treat me, your drama queen attitude, how you fight for things when they aren’t fair. The love you have for your daughter, your books, your plants...you’re living fucking rent-free in my head, Stols.

Stolas couldn’t do anything but look at Blitz with amusement. He had never opened to him that way.

-Thanks...for being here Blitz. Not only now in the court, but in my life.I owe so much...-

They kissed gently, and after a few seconds, Blitz said:

-Well, about the trial, I’m obviously not letting you give away everything you own, especially your powers.-

-But dear, you don’t understand what this people are capable of. At least, they won’t punish me so bad because I’m part of the royalty, but with you...they could end you, Blitz.-

-Well then...we’ll ask them what would happen if they punish me instead of you. We’ll decide later, ok babe?-

-Mhhh... Sure - Stolas flushed because of the pet name. He wasn’t used to it yet. - Although, if your punish is the death penalty, I’ll take it, and I won’t hear a no for an answer.- he said very seriously.

Satan takes me...when he’s serious he’s hot as fuck.

They entered the room again.

-So, what have you decided?- Vassago asked.

- We’ve thought of something...what would happen if you punish me?- Blitz said.

- In that case, you...- one of the Goetias whispered something to his ear.- You would be executed, to give example to any other rebel imps, you know?-

So it was true what Stolas said...these fuckers have no mercy.

-So, it’s the death penalty for you or Stolas stopping being a prince. Your choice.-

They looked at each other’s eyes. Blitz’s said “You don’t have to”, while Stolas four eyes replied “Oh honey, I would go to double hell and back for you”.

-I’ll take the punishment- Stolas announced.

-Are you sure?-

- Completely. Although, there is one thing that has been bothering me..., will this affect my daughter? - he asked to Vassago.

The parrot looked to the other Goetias and discussed the matter for a few minutes.

-She'll live with her mother permanently. She won't be punished but you won't be able to live with them.-

-Oh, and...as I suppose my possessions won’t go to her...who’ll keep them?-

-They’ll stay in a save room in the Central Hell Bank.-

-NO!- someone shouted at the other side of the room.

It was Andrealphus, the brother of Stolas' ex-wife, and Stolas knew that he would do everything and more to get as much of his money as he could.

-I don´t believe that is correct.-

-Andrealphus, you took your part of Stolas' fortune when he divorced from his wife. Why would you think this is incorrect?-

-Well, my sister, even though they aren't married anymore, is still connected to him. It wouldn´t be fair to her that, after years of marriage, she doesn´t receive anything from him.-

- Vassago, I don´t want this. I don´t want that woman to take anything from my fortune- Stolas said to the court.

Vassago looked sideways to the other members of the court and, deciding that they were all thinking the same, announced:

- The deal will remain as it was, Andrealphus.-

Other member of the Goetias said:

-So, this is it. -

He began to read a document:

"Stolas of the Ars Goetia, will no longer be consider part of the royalty, and will begin to be a hellborn of the lowest class. He´s powers will be kept and given to the next Goetia to be born, while his material possessions will be kept under high protection.”

-Is that all right?-

-I believe so. - Stolas said. He stood up, took Blitz's hand and said:

- Well, if our presence here isn´t more required, and think we will leave.-

Vassago nodded, and Blitz and Stolas left the room.

They remained all the way back to Blitz's house in silence, holding hands. When they arrived, Blitz saw a note from Loona saying:"Vortex invited me to a party. DON'T CALL ME."

Suddenly he heard a noise coming from the living room.

- Stolas, are you...?- he stopped when he saw Stolas sat in the floor with is back on the wall, his head between his knees and shaking.

He hugged him and whispered:

-You shouldn't have done it. Not for me.-

-Blitz- He raised his head and looked at Stolas in the eyes. His face was full of tears and slightly read."Has he always been this beautiful?...Fuck” Blitz thought. -  It hurts. It hurts now, and maybe tomorrow, and possibly in one week. But, eventually, I will heal. And the most important thing, I will have you by my side to help me. You will help me fill the empty space that I have inside me now that my powers are gone. Blitz, I would give my life for you to be happy.- he said with a soft voice.

-No. Look, babe, I allow that you give your powers for me...probably I will never forgive myself for it, but I allow it. But talking about giving your life just like nothing...I won't. I won´t let that happen. So, I want you to promise me that, don't matter what happens, you won't let yourself be ...killed for me, promise?-

-I...promise- But in the back of his head, Stolas thought "I´m a liar".

After a few minutes of them hugging in silence, Stolas said:

-And now what? I’m no longer part of the royalty. I don´t have a house, I don´t have money. I don’t know what to do Blitz. I’m so scared...

-Hey, hey, hey, don’t panic. Of course I won’t let you sleep in the streets. You will live here. I know it isn’t the most comfy place, but I’m sure that we can buy a bed. And for the money, I’m sure you will find a job so easy. Or if not, you can start working with me and M&M in IMP! Maybe you don’t want to become a killer, but you can help with the-

Stolas shot him up with a lip-crusher kiss. They melted at each other’s contact, feeling that there had been ages since they had been like that. Soon, both of them started feeling hot.

-Well, there isn’t a bed, but... there is a sofa and a floor. Which one do you prefer? - Blitz asked mischievously.

Stolas didn’t even answer. He just smiled and scooped Blitz in his arms. Blitz shoved his face in Stolas fluffy chest. Stolas laid in the sofa, still hugging Blitz, and he started to stroke Blitz’s horns. He rose up his head to look at Stolas. He was with his eyes closed, starting to feel sleepy.

-Maybe we don’t need a bed to sleep. – Stolas whispered.- Just each other.

[hangmatts]

Where do we go now?

Prompt: “i don’t want to fight anymore”

Ship: eddienick (eddie kingston x nick jackson)

Word Count: 659

—

“You’re so stuck in the past, you’re not even looking at how good I am right now! This is the best version of myself! I’m better than I’ve ever been.” Nick raised his voice. He was in the middle of an argument, all because Eddie stated he didn’t like how Nick changed.

“No, you’re not! You’ve just become an asshole with no awareness of how other people feel. I don't know what’s gotten into your head, what someone told you, but you are so much worse now. What is this even going to achieve in the long run?” Eddie asked.

“What do you mean? We’re already champions, we go on there and put on our best and win. Every week.”

“Do you? Because the last time I checked, you didn’t need to cheat to put on “your best”, and what are these people even doing here? What are they bringing to the table? What do they even give you?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nick scoffed. “They were there before you even knew I existed.”

“But they left! I didn’t! I’ve been here the whole time, trying to support you and you’re making it really fucking hard to do so.” Eddie responded.

“Why? Why is it so hard for you when I have a whole group of people out there that support me.”

“Is that what you think? Cause I’ll tell you right now, the only person in that group that actually supports you, is Matt. Everyone else is just using you. Especially Kenny.”

“Shut up.” Nick looked away.

“What’s the matter? Can’t handle the truth?”

“You’re just wrong! You have no idea- Kenny has always been there for us. He shows us that he cares.”

“What and I don’t? I’m sure you know so much about caring. You care about me so much that you didn’t even think of asking me about this- this whole turn thing.” Eddie gestured to Nick.

“Cause it didn’t matter! What you thought about it didn’t matter because it’s my decision! I don’t care about your input or what you think!”

Eddie sighed. If he had known this whole thing would turn Nick into as much of a dick as it has, he would’ve told Nick to stay far away from it.

“Your decision, huh? So, Kenny had nothing to do with it, right? You really think he has your best interests in mind? You think, after all this is over, that Kenny’s gonna care about you?”

“God, why are you so damn obsessed with Kenny?! Are you mad that I’m spending more time with him? Or that we’ve been friends longer? Or are you jealous because he’s actually successful?” Nick snapped.

Eddie let out a defeated laugh.

“I don’t wanna fight anymore, Nick. I’m tired of it.”

“So, that’s it? This conversation is over? You’re just gonna stop?”

“I can’t do it anymore. I’m done.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Eddie?” Nick sighed.

“This. Us.” Eddie gestured between the two of them. “It’s over. We’re done.”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Nick’s voice cracked.

“I tried. I really fucking tried to reason with you, but you are not the same person I fell in love with. I don’t think you ever will be. You made it clear you don’t wanna change, so this is it.”

Eddie grabbed his belongings and headed towards the door. He stopped and turned around to face Nick and say one last thing.

“You know I wish you and Matt all the success in the world. I’ll always be proud of you, no matter what. That being said, when this success goes away, when everyone leaves you, when you find out I was right, don’t come crawling back to me.” Eddie opened the door and left.

Nick stared at the door, dumbfounded. He may have just ruined the best thing he ever had. He could feel tears welling up. Where does he go from here?

—

A/N: little late night angst for y’all!

if you like my work, consider supporting me on ko-fi! i also have requests/commissions open!

[mydarllinglover]

Alone || The Bridge

Previous

The next day, Rick, Michonne, Natalia and Daryl travelled to The Hilltop, Rick and Michonne had rode on horse back whilst Natalia had managed to convince Daryl that she was okay to ride with him on the bike, she wasn't safer with anyone more than him.

Maggie had greeted them, as the horses were dealt with, a mark was on her upper cheek, and she looked tired, her eye was bruised.

Natalia was angry when Maggie had told them what Gregory had done the night before, preying on an sobered alcoholic, who had just lost his son, to kill Maggie, so that he could take her place.

Rick had gone to talk to her, but also to talk to Maggie about help with the bridge, that he'd also managed to rope Daryl into joining.

Natalia had volunteered to watch Hershel as they talked, explaining that she needed to catch as much baby fever as she could, and no one was better at that, than little Rhee, one of the most adorable babies known to man.

"See, you're great with them, they love you." Michonne said, as she bounced the baby on her knee. "Now just imagine two of them."

"Michonne, you're killing it." She warned, closing her eyes and trying to get back into the mood of being excited for a baby.

"It don't matter If you get it or not, we're having them either way." Daryl said, as the pair watched the woman.

Natalia pouted, turning the baby to face her.

"Why, Hershel, why does bad things happen to me?"

He cooed in response, grabbing at her hair.

"Who am I kidding, you're so cute." She hugged him to her.

Maggie had decided that Gregory was to be publicly hung for his crimes against their leader, but also for causing Enid to face injuries so severe that the poor girl was resting in a wheelchair.

It was being held after all the children had been put to beds, torches were lit as the people were stood around, and Daryl was the person who had been asked to set the ordeal up.

Tammy-Rose and Earl were stood behind him, he was handcuffed, and looked disgusted with himself for his actions, Earl was a kind man, who had been influenced into making a horrible mistake.

"I don't want to do this." Maggie started, talking to the people. "But people need to understand that at Hilltop, the punishment fits the crime. Do you have any final words?" She asked the man sat on top of a horse, a noose around his neck.

"What you're doing isn't right. Somebody stop this, please. Killing me In the dead of night because you're ashamed." Gregory sobbed.

"You're wrong. I'm not ashamed." She told him, before nodding to Daryl.

"Stop this! Please! Now, for the love of God, stop it!"

Two children had wondered out, looking at what was happening.

"Maggie, stop!" Michonne cried, catching Natalia's attention as Rick held her, stopping her from running ahead.

Daryl hit the horse hard, it let out a whine as it marched ahead, causing Gregory's body to fly in the air, his neck snapping at the force.

"Get the children back in bed." Maggie ordered. "I made this decision. But this is not the beginning of something. I don't want to go through it again."

A wave of Nausea came over Natalia as she watched Gregory's dead body swing through the air, like a depressing pinata.

She jogged away, a hand over her mouth as the bile rose.

Michonne raced after, to help her friend.

A month had passed since the hanging.

Natalia was four months pregnant, and she was already growing bigger than her clothes could handle, everyone had been pretty heavy on her case about letting it go for so long, the signs were all there and she tried her damned hardest to ignore it.

She had started living in dungarees.

Daryl was pissed that he'd already missed a chunk of it, well, of what they were aware of, Rick had everyone working hard at the bridge, camping out, and her husband was the one in charge of keeping the Saviours in order, as they were doing most of the work, once again dragged away from his wife and kid.

Natalia was in Sully's old bedroom, they were converting it into the nursery, or Natalia was, to keep herself busy, considering no one would let her do anything, she was the first person to carry twins since the world fell apart, and currently the only pregnant person, and the people took the saying "It takes a village..." Very seriously. She also wanted to get it done before she was too big to finish it.

She was sad that she had to decorate the room, she missed him terribly, she missed her old life, her old family, the pregnancy was reminding her a lot of the start of everything, what she had gone through by herself, that she'd lost two babies to the world, the universe must've thought this was some cruel joke.

"Mom! Uncle Rick's here." Evie called from downstairs, she was doing some school work in the kitchen, before bed.

"Tell him I'm up here." She called down, Natalia had just finished painting the room, choosing pastel colours, they were going to be finding out the genders soon, though Natalia had betted on girls, she had a dream about it, she was certain it was girls, but Siddiq was busy at the camp, he hadn't been able to do the scan yet, she'd have to wait until he got back, she'd be ready in about two weeks anyway, the "official time".

"Hey." Rick greeted, standing in the doorway of the nursery.

Natalia was sat in front of a pile of wood, attempting to start the build of the crib, she had decided that they were going to have one big one, she heard once that twins didn't like being separated.

"Hi." She let out a sigh, sitting up as she looked at him, offering a smile.

"You getting on alright?" He gestured to the wood.

"We've known each other long enough, that it would just be rude to lie to you, right?"

"Lemme take a look." He entered the room, "The colour looks nice."

"Thanks, Daryl said I could do whatever I wanted in here, he's been too busy to, y'know." She raised her brows.

Rick sat down beside her.

"I want you to join me, tomorrow." He said. "I want you to see what we're up to, the bridge, you should see the building process, the future we're building for these ones." He looked at her bulging stomach.

"You sure that's a good idea, little weak delicate me on a building site in the middle of the woods?"

"Nat." He eyed her. "There ain't nothing weak or delicate about you, we've known each other long enough to know that."

She chuckled.

"Thanks, Rick."

"Also, I'm gonna ask Siddiq to come home, to help out with, y'know."

A bug was going around, so Natalia had been on house arrest anyway, until it passed, in hopes that she didn't catch it.

"Alright, let's see if we can manage this." He rubbed his hands together, rolling his shoulders. "Oh, that reminds me."

He looked behind him, grabbing the two things he had sat on. "Found these, wanted you have 'em for the twins, a gift from their Uncle Rick."

He handed her two teddy bunnies, one was a soft green, the other a baby blue.

"Thought they'd go with Sully's that Evie keeps in her room." He explained as she stared at them, her heart melting.

"Rick, thank you." She turned, wrapping her arms around him as she hugged her friend, the man she had first grown close to in this world, the first person to take her in after so long alone.

"Okay. We got this." Rick said, when she pulled away, picking up a piece of wood. "God, when me and Lori were putting Carls crib together, we both ended up in tears." He smiled.

"I bet he's laughing at me right now, the little twerp put a curse on me" She laughed, reminding herself what was in the letter in the drawer of her bedside table. "You know, if one of them turns out to be a boy, I've been contracted to name them CJ." She told Rick, who smiled, but it hadn't reached his eyes all the way.

It had taken the pair most of the night to put it together, Evie had ended up taking herself to bed considering both adults were stressed and frustrated at the furniture, but they successfully managed it.

Natalia placed the two teddies in the crib, ready for the next five months.

"Pregnant lady coming through, back up, make way." Rick told the people as he guided Natalia through.

She was dressed in a light wash, blue pair of jean dungarees, a white tank top underneath, one advantage she found, was her boobs were getting bigger, too.

"Rick, people can clearly see what I am, A and B are more than enough of a obvious sign." She gestured to her swelled abdomen, as people backed away.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Daryl had dropped the stuff that was in his hands staring at Natalia.

"I asked Nat to come." Rick took the heat from the ill-tempered archer, who was only growing more impatient the bigger his wife was getting, more protective and obsessive over her well being, as well.

"Nat." Aaron greeted. "Good to see you." He hugged his friend, minding out for the bump. "And you guys, too." He said to her stomach. "Lil Erin and lil Aaron."

"Hey, how's it going, you boys hard at work?" She grinned, Rick patted her shoulder as he went off to get updates from everybody else.

"Of course." Jerry came over, "Aarons just been telling us all horror stories about Gracie, that means double the trouble for you pair, with these munchkins."

"Alright, alright, get your paws off 'er." Daryl nudged the gathering people away, pulling Natalia towards him. "How long you staying?"

"Only a couple days, Rick wanted me to see every body in action, and to get some fresh air, away from all the sick people." She reached up, kissing his cheek. "And I missed you."

He scrunched the side of his face up, embarrassed of the PDA around everyone, especially the Saviours.

"Missed ya, too, an' Evie."

"Oh, she's still supplying baby names, Carol was wrong about her feeling left out, that girl won't shut up about having baby brothers and sisters, poor Judith's the one who's gotta listen to it all day."

"Come on, Imma get you a seat, sit in the sunshine whilst we get back to work." He told her, taking her hand and leading her towards his tent.

"Do you have to go back so soon, I just got here." She held his waist as he picked up a camping chair.

"Sorry, baby, gotta get that bridge down, so I can get home." He grabbed her hand again, leading her towards the construction.

Daryl had sat Natalia far away from the work, the tree's and anywhere she could find danger, but so that she was in his sights at all times, he'd even left her a canteen full of fresh clean water and a few snacks, that she tried refusing at their short amount, he'd also coaxed Carol into keeping the woman company, Rosita popped in from time to time, so had Tara, they had to pull Eugene away when he had started making the woman uncomfortable with his "Pregnancy facts."

"You thought about names, yet?" Carol asked, stood beside her.

"We don't even know the genders yet, gotta wait two more weeks, but me and Rick got a lot done in the nursery last night, he came over and helped me, when he offered about coming here." She explained.

"Awe, little Dixon babies, I can't wait." Carol let out a tiny squeal as her hands balled up into fists, shaking in excitement. "How are you feeling about it, compared to last month."

"Better." Natalia admitted. "I guess that's mostly down to the fact that I had to accept it, and had no other choice, I'm still shit scared, I just... I keep thinking about Lori, and what Carl and Maggie had to do, if something like that were to happen..."

"Natalia, stop. It's not going to, that was a completely different time, a very unfortunate setting, we have medicine, and we have the right equipment, and Siddiq's been training Enid as well as Evie, so she's gonna be there as well, if anything goes wrong, it'll still be okay, I promise you." Carol layed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks, Carol." She smiled up at the woman.

Henry had been on water duty, in charge that each person only had one cup each, that was until Justin got greedy, pushing the kid to the ground as he drank out of the tap.

Natalia jumped from her seat as everyone else looked at him.

Henry got to his feet, taking his stick as he knocked the man to the ground.

"Back off!" He told him.

"Hey man, it's cool, I got my ass handed to me by a kid one time, too." Another Saviour, Jed laughed at him. "Of course, I was 6 at the time."

Natalia headed over as Justin got to his feet.

"What the hell is your problem?" She called after him grabbing his arm, as he went for the boy, who went about his business.

"Stay out of it, bitch." He brushed her off, harshly, sending her falling to her ass.

Aaron ran to help her as Daryl grabbed Justin.

Laura and Carol had got to her as well, making sure she was okay.

"Hey! Leave 'em alone. Get back to work." He ordered.

"I don't need your people telling me what to do." Justin replied. "You're not my babysitter anymore, go deal with your whore of a wife."

He turned to walk away, but Daryl grabbed a hold of him again, causing Justin to turn and throw a fist, but Daryl managed to dodge it, throwing his own into the man's face, sending him flying into a large pile of sand.

He grabbed a handful of sand, chucking it into Daryl's face, temporarily blinding him, giving him the advantage he needed to push him to the ground.

The men began fighting as the Saviours gathered around, chanting.

When Aaron left Laura and Carol to assist Natalia, going to aid Daryl, the man who had teased Justin, threw his fists at him, dragging him into a fight.

"Hey! Hey! Break it up!" Rick shouted, running over with Eugene, pushing people out of the way. "Get back."

Rick grabbed Justin, pulling him away as Daryl tried to get past him, to throw another punch.

"I said enough. Enough." He turned on Daryl, as Justin was being restrained.

Daryl wiped at his nose, spitting blood as he went in search for Natalia.

"Thanks." She muttered to Laura, who had taken over fully as Carol went to check Henry.

"You alright, he hurt you?" Daryl asked her, checking her over.

"I'm fine, I'm more worried about you." Natalia replied, leading Daryl away and back to the camp, Rick had followed them.

"So, that asshole just gets a free pass? Is that it?" Daryl questioned when Rick had come to talk to him in the tent. "He pushed Nat!"

"It's just a few more days." Rick pressed. "I don't like it, either, but we're in a rush to get that work done. He's strong. The Saviours are over half the workforce, and we've had too many walk off's already."

"Yeah. 'Cause that's who they are." He turned back around. "Some of them ain't ever gonna fall in line just 'cause you say so."

"Daryl's right." Carol backed him up, Natalia was sat down, watching the three like a tennis match, her hand rubbed her stomach, the denim was covered in dust from getting pushed to the ground. "These people have never had to live together. And we can't expect them to just forget what's happened."

"It hasn't been easy. I know. It won't be, not for a while, but it's not about forgetting. It's about moving ahead, all of us, together. We keep doing that, they'll see we're all on the same side." Rick pushed.

"Are we, though?" Daryl questioned. "Are we on the same side, Rick?"

"Well, you tell me."

"Thing is, man, I've been tryin' to. But you don't seem to want to hear it. Nat, come on, you're gonna stay in my tent till you're going home." He helped her up. "I ain't wanna be on the same side as anyone who has it in their right mind to push a kid and a pregnant woman over, but guess that's just you." He told Rick, leading Natalia out of the tent.

"Daryl." Rick called, but they both ignored him.

"That was so hot, baby. The way you were defending my honour." Natalia looped her arm in his, leaning her head against his arm.

"What you after?" He looked down at her.

She smiled up at him, batting her lashes.

"Come on, grub time." He told her, leading her to the food tent, Natalia groaned, hitting her head against his bicep.

"Mood killer." She grumbled. "Where's Rosita, haven't seen her in a while."

"Out making noise for the herds with Arat." He answered.

"Oh, ditched me for the rat." She said, bitterly, even though she'd been talked out of killing the woman, she was still holding a grudge, a lot worse than the one she had on Laura.

Aaron and Daryl had been moved to work away from Justin, working on cutting up the tree's and storing them.

Natalia had stayed with them, watching as she ate up her food, and Daryl's, and Aarons, even though he wanted her in the tent, he was never able to deny the woman.

The horses were beginning to get spooked as they went about their work, walkers were approaching.

"I got it." Natalia sighed, picking up her knife that was beside her as she got to her feet.

"Stay." Daryl ordered, picking up a small branch and stabbing it into a walkers head, before turning for the other, but Natalia beat him to it, plunging her knife into the second walkers head, dropping it to the ground.

"I told you to stay" He fumed, pointing at her.

"And I told you I got it, which I did."

"Uh, guys!" one of the workers called, a herd was heading right for them.

"A herd's coming, bug out, now!" Daryl told the others.

Against Daryl's protests, Natalia had helped take down the closest walkers as the others evacuated.

One of the saviours had dropped the rope that was supporting a large trunk, letting it fall as he jumped from the stack.

Aaron had pushed the man helping him, away, letting it land and crush his own arm, screaming at the agonising pain.

"Aaron!" Natalia cried, dropping her latest walker kill and running for him.

"Get them mules out here!" Daryl pointed, following. "You, get over here right now!" He shouted at the Saviour responsible, as he got ready to lift the heavy log.

"Alright, it's gonna be alright, Aaron, you're okay." Natalia rambled.

"Go. Get out of here!" Aaron told them, as the walkers approached.

Natalia ran forward, taking the closest ones to them out, so they could continue helping the injured man.

"Come on. Get up. Get up!" Daryl encouraged, when Aaron was set free. "Natalia, come on!"

She was too preoccupied.

A walker had grabbed a hold of Daryl, attempting to take a bite out of his shoulder before an arrow shot through its head, from Beatrice.

The others had gathered, helping with the walkers.

"What the hell is Nat doing?" Rick asked, as she kicked a walker down.

"What the hell does it look like?" She turned to him.

"We got this, get him back to camp!" He decided, turning to Daryl and Aaron.

When they had got back to the camp, Carol and Rick had started chewing Natalia out for her recklessness, before she had brought up that someone was slacking on their job, turning their anger away from her, and onto Justin.

Carol had been the one to have it out with him, he was her responsibility after all.

"Daryl?" Natalia asked, when he stormed out of the infirmary, his arm dripping in blood, that wasn't his.

He ignored her, marching to the tent Carol and Justin were in, and then not even a minute later, Justin came tumbling out, Daryl on his trail as he shook his fist.

He punched him against a tree, then picked up a copper pan, smacking it against his head, hard.

"Daryl, stop!" Carol called.

Natalia felt like she stepped in enough, she was too caught up admiring the show.

Daryl grabbed Justin by his shirt, throwing his fist at the mans face, repeatedly.

"Daryl!" Carol grabbed, him stopping him from hitting the man again. "Daryl. I said stop." She hissed. "We'll deal with him, but not like this."

"There's only one way to deal with these assholes." He walked back to the infirmary, and Natalia followed, wanting to check on Aaron, who had recently got his arm amputated by trainee, Enid, who had to follow a tutorial from her book.

"How's he doing?" Natalia asked.

"Well, just be thankful Evie's too young to do this kinda stuff." Enid said. "Luckily he's just asleep, breathing."

"You done a good job." Daryl told her, taking the seat beside the bed.

"You want me to check you and the babies over, you've had a pretty hectic day." Enid offered, as Natalia let Daryl guide her to sit on his lap, as they watched over Aaron.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine, A and B are as well." She smiled as Daryl rubbed a soothing hand over her bump, like he was trying to calm himself down from the fight. "Doctor Enid."

"You gonna call them A and B the whole time?" Enid laughed.

"That's what they are, this one is A" She pointed to her left. "And this one is B. Oh shit, or was it the other way around."

Enid laughed as Daryl tried to figure which was which as well.

"What do you think they are?"

Natalia looked at Daryl, wanting him to answer first, running her fingers through his hair

He shrugged.

"Long as they're alive an' breathing, I don't give a shit." He said. "But, one of each would be fine, be easier to tell the difference."

"I think they're gonna both be girls." Natalia said.

"How'd you know?" Daryl looked at her.

"Saw it in a dream."

He scoffed at that.

"No, I actually read that, that during pregnancy, mothers can actually predict stuff like that, but apparently you can tell as well, by the size or something."

Later in the night, Cyndi had come in for her hand, that Enid had to fix, she sliced it whilst peeling potato's, or so she said.

When she had left, Rick entered.

"Well done." He whispered to Enid, as Aaron continued to sleep. "He's gonna be all right?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "If we can keep the wound from getting infected. But he's still in a lot of pain."

"He's holding on, though." Daryl told him.

"One tough son of a bitch." Natalia repeated one of Daryl's most used phrases.

"Damn right I am." Aaron whispered.

Daryl patted Natalia's leg, signalling for her to get up so that Rick could take their chair.

Natalia did, kissing Aaron's cheek, before her and Daryl let Rick sit down.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you." He told the man. "We were all supposed to be working together. I thought we were."

"You couldn't have known." Aaron reassured him.

"I've been pushing everybody hard. I know I have. I put this project first. And you paid the price. Hell, Nat, she's been all over it as well."

"Remember when you said I wasn't weak and delicate." She mentioned.

"It was worth it." Aaron said. "When the dead started to rise... I thought I was seeing the end of everything. But you changed all of that, Rick. It's not the end of the world anymore. It's the start of a whole new one. I'll always be glad I was here to be a part of that. Anyway I gotta be around to see the mini Dixons wreck just as much havoc as their parents, too." He joked.

"Don't worry, gonna hire you as a full time babysitter if they're anything like their dad." Natalia teased, grinning wide.

"You got it." He nodded, his own smile on his face, even through his pain.

Daryl had encouraged Natalia to go back with Rick during the night, if she refused to go with him, Daryl would've taken her back, himself, today was enough to scare him back into putting her on lockdown, again.

"Hurry up and get this bridge done, so you can come home, Siddiq's back so we can have that scan pretty soon, and I can prove that dreams do mean something." She told Daryl, cupping his face as she kissed his lips throughout her sentence.

"Trust me, I'd rather be at home with you, Evie, A and B" He poked her sides. "Over anything, ya giving me leverage to not beat the shit outta another one of those pricks."

"I love you" She kissed him again.

"Love ya, too."

"Alright, are we gonna get goodbyes too, or are ya wasting them all on him?" Rosita asked.

"Yeah, I want a goodbye kiss from the pregnant lady that went up against a herd." Tara joined in.

"I too would like that, if you're offering." Eugene raised his hand.

"Ain't nobody getting any kisses off of Nat, 'Cept me." Daryl told them, he was attempting to come off more threatening than he did, but a grown man getting jealous and saying the word "kisses." Wasn't as imitating as he thought.

Natalia hugged her friends goodbye, a long line of people who came to love and care for her.

"Was pretty cool what you did, today." Laura told her, as she walked past her. "A bunch of these pussies could borrow some of your bravery." She looked around at the Saviour men.

"Thanks." She offered a half smile. "And for the bridge, Keep an eye on Daryl for me, trust you a lot more than I trust them, I'm gonna need his help pretty soon."

"You got it." She nodded.

"Hey, I'm glad-"

Natalia walked away from Arat, completely ignoring her existence.

"She killed my dog." Natalia muttered, when Rick gave her a look as they set off.

"You went up against a herd of walkers, like that?" Michonne asked, they were in the Grimes kitchen, something had happened at camp the next day, and Rick had gone back to deal with it, Evie was occupying Judith, she wasn't allowed into "work" just in case she passed the bug onto Natalia.

"What was I supposed to do? Aaron was hurt."

"How'd Daryl handle it, he go berserk like usual?"

"He was actually more mad I fought off one, it was Rick and Carol that shouted at me. Maggie fought in a war and I can't take out a few walkers?"

"Maggie wasn't eating for three, you're bigger now, than what she was throughout most of her pregnancy." Michonne tried to put it gently.

"Still, I got a few months left in me before I'm totally useless."

Next

[stripedwolf88]

Slightly concerned about this post but I'm going to do it. I have refrained from mentioning anything about the Gaza/Israel conflict that is going on because I was taking in information. Over the past few weeks, I have solidified my beliefs. Obviously, I am just an observer from a different country miles and miles away from what's happening and the information I could be receiving may not reflect what is truly going on over there and I am aware of that. I will firstly say I do not condone violence of any kind from any person against innocent people. That goes for everyone over there but also anyone in the world past, present, or future. I have started to come to the conclusion that there are multiple "groups" or "entities" that have made awful decisions and should be doing better. The Israeli government bombing hospitals and cutting off supplies to Palestinians is wrong. Hamas terrorists taking innocent Israeli citizens is also wrong. If I were to say I think the Israeli government should not bomb innocent Palestinians, that does not mean that I want Hamas to kidnap people. If I say I don't want Hamas to kidnap people and commit other terrorist acts, it does not mean I support the Israeli government's bullying acts they have done to Palestinians. I want peace for every person over there suffering from this conflict. I want people in power to take responsibility for their actions. I want people in power to try their best and their hardest to keep as many people as they can safe and healthy no matter their religion, what place they are from, or anything. We should want that for every human being. I will not be attacking anyone who expresses words of well wishes to parties who are in fact innocent in these conflicts (civilians on both sides). I will question if they are also giving support to the other side because both sides are suffering but I will not attack them. We are all people with biases and have our own set of ways of thinking. Not accounting for every person and every variable of a conflict every time we speak does not make us bad people. People should be taking this time to question and listen instead of attacking immediately. Human conflicts would happen so much less if we all did that. Don't cancel people. Question why they may be saying what they are. Take in the things they are saying. Come from a place of compassion and fire for wanting peace and health for all people because if you can't agree to that then yeah there is something in yourself you should take a look at. I know this whole speech I'm making is lacking in details and is overgeneralizing but that is because I am not willing to sacrifice my mental and emotional health in listing all the ways in which people in the media and in real life have been NOT handling this correctly. I won't speak too much more on it like this unless I feel that I want/need to but I just thought I'd get it out. The world is not black and white. People can mean more than one thing. Support for one thing does not mean a lack of support for other things. Silence does not always mean that you are allowing bad things to happen but it can mean you are taking in information before speaking on the matter. Silence can be a tool to not negligently influence people. My point is I wish people would lead their words and actions about this that is going on right now and other things with more patience and kindness. We would all be a lot better for it.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #10

I did the very scary thing today that I talked a little about yesterday.

I spoke up about a thing that bothered me. I tried to be kind and loving and sincere as I did it. I tried to set healthy boundaries. Anticipating rejection and abuse, I then exited the situation so that the folks involved wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. That probably wasn't the best move, admittedly. But I am not a perfect human by any stretch of the imagination; I still have a whole lot to learn. With this experience under my belt, I'll probably do a little better next time.

Maybe at first glance, it doesn't seem so scary to you to talk about the things that bother you; perhaps you'd laugh at me for acknowledging that vulnerability can be terrifying. But in that case, if you would laugh, then I would have to gently point out to you that if you had been brave enough to let everyone know you were struggling back in the year 2002 in your world, things in Nibelheim could have turned out a lot differently than they did.

In any case, I was shocked and touched when, in the end, some of the people involved reached out to me in an effort towards reconciliation. This sort of thing is unprecedented for me, and I'm not really sure how to navigate the situation. I'm also not sure if any efforts made towards navigating the situation will yield good results. I am in very unknown territory; the cynical side of me that is used to lies and empty promises is wary, but the hopeful side of me, in defiance of all my instincts, wants to try for connection and communication.

I saw this recently, and it feels very… applicable. So I'll put it here so you can read it, too:

"sometimes it don't be like that but you're so used to when it do be like that that you don't give it a chance to don't" is what it says. I know that the grammar is not correct, but brains are marvelous in that when English doesn't logic Englishly, brains brain by themselves to logic that English! ;P

I don't know if good things will happen or if bad things will happen. But I do know this: I don't want to stop giving things chances. Future me is strong enough to handle it if bad things happen, and the possibility for good things to happen is too precious to miss out on. So I'll try to keep my heart open, even if it means I might get hurt again sometime.

I think I handled the situation better than previous versions of me would have. And it's not lost on me that the only reason I was able to handle it at all is because of the people around me who helped me try to sort through it. I was reminded by the people who are close to me that my main responsibility in my everyday living is to behave in ways that are in alignment with my innermost nature and allow people to do what they wish with their free will, even if it means that they misuse it. I was also reminded that it is not in the nature of humans to operate from a fear-based lens or to make decisions in the throes of anger, bitterness, resentment, despair, or pain; when human beings lash out, that's just their trauma and adrenaline doing the talking. We are not ourselves when memories of our trauma are hijacking our nervous systems, and not everyone is equipped to notice it when their adrenaline is running the show.

Today, when doing the scary thing, the adrenaline flooding my system made my hands shake and my stomach feel all swirly. I imagine you have a lot more experience dealing with adrenaline than I do. I've heard that the sensation is a little different for everybody; I wonder what the sensation feels like for you. Are you mindful enough to be aware of the sensation when it occurs? Or did your circumstances force you to put the sensation from your conscious perception? I had to re-learn how to notice the sensation in my body, because in the past, I had to function through it so often that the easiest thing to do was to put it out of my mind until I forgot how to notice it altogether.

Still, re-learning how to be mindful of the sensation of adrenaline in my body was work worth doing. I've found that I can actually function better through it if I acknowledge its presence and make room for it, instead of pretending like it's not there and acting like it's not a factor in my mental state. When I am aware of it, I can make loving choices despite it, instead of letting it get its coils around me and from there allow the resulting emotions to control me like some kind of puppet.

We can deny that we have emotions all we like, but it's never actually true. All that happens is that those emotions we denied end up finding other ways to manifest. If we don't intentionally choose how to direct our emotions, then our emotions will direct us instead, and that leads to all sorts of weird and unpleasant problems…

I wonder what you've seen while wandering around the Edge of Creation. I wonder if any of the things you've seen have allowed you to remember how to be mindful of your body and of your sensations, emotions, mind, heart, and feelings. I wonder if you've been learning how to wield these things properly, in service to that which is beautiful, loving, and good.

I hope that someday, when you are strong enough to return to us and sing the song of your heart alongside us with a smile again, you will tell us all about your experiences and what you've learned. I hope you'll tell us all about all the things you've struggled with and how you've overcome them. I hope you'll tell us all about the things you still struggle with, and allow us to help you through them.

We'll be waiting until then. Remember that you are loved. Please stay safe.

Your friend, Lumine

[kygerbearr]

let me tell you about how my FF14 static went today.

we had to find 2 different fills for today, which is fine, no big deal. one of the people were quiet and did what they needed to, understandable, shy people are valid, grateful for them joining.

the other fill? the moment they joined the discord alarm bells rang in my head. I checked their steam profile, its a pesterchum handle and they have homestuck games in their library. concerning, but whatever, we need the fill

bear in mind, besides myself this whole group is old people who are like, married and shit. I normally don't believe in generational gap stuff, but oh my god. half of what they spoke of was zoomer memes, they would joke about kmsing themself, they frame 1 dropped information on how they were in a mental hospital for a while (valid, i do not think differently of them for this, but the rest of the group was a little shocked of how out-of-nowhere this was.)

they were loud enough to the point where one of our members had to actually deafen on discord just to focus on the raid. other members got somewhat offended at how volatile their banter was, the social awareness certainly could have been better.

we were DESPERATE for a new addition to the static, but when I talked to the rest of the group about it, they all were extremely hesitant due to their behavior. everyone was like "i mean, i guess we could make it work"

i am exhausted from being around them. everyone including myself came to the conclusion that, while they are not a bad person, there is a huge lack of synergy and that it would be very difficult for *basically everyone* to compromise. i had to make the decision to turn them down as an addition to the main squad.

to be honest I kind of vibed with them but they did not fit into the group at all. i had to turn down what felt like a kindred soul for the sake of the group. i am tired and slightly sad about it, but I still feel like I made the right choice as a leader at least.

(i am actually proud of how my leadership skills have grown but i still have no desire to lead. why cant i just be an advisor or something)

[starryescapades]

Life UPdate?!

So I am fortunate- I have a job.  I paid to take the test for certification for this job.

I like doing the tasks.

I have been made aware that I have been making some big mistakes.  Half of them are probably other people signed in on my name because I am shit at remembering to sign out, but there was one mistake I am 100% sure I made that is a pretty big oops.

So I got to thinking, and I realized.  I am shit at my job.  I am not fast and I am not accurate.  This makes me feel terrible, because I am getting paid to do terrible work.  I don’t want my name attached if it’s that bad.

But also I realized-  while I may like doing the tasks, I hate the job itself.  I loathe going in to work.  Some days I feel very, very uncomfortable being in the pharmacy.  Some days I hate when people get emotional about their medication issues.  But it’s completely understandable, and I need to be better about that.

But I’ve been thinking- what I hate is the stress.  This stress is different from other jobs because I am literally taking a persons life in my hands.  I thought I could handle it, but this mistake I mentioned.  I typed the wrong strength of a medication, and somehow the pharmacist working verified it.  What if next time I make a mistake it’s a completely different medication, or extended release instead of immediate release?

Healthcare is completely unforgiving of mistakes and I am the type of person that makes mistakes periodically.  I feel like if I stay a pharmacy tech then I am opening myself up for more future mistakes that will be costly to my patients.

Next step for me is to talk with my managers about this decision.  I will likely go back to wroking the floor in retail.  Ugh gross but it will pay the bills and that is why I work so.  Yeah.  I’m not sure how long I’ll stay with the company to be honest and fair.

I’ll miss the work fam and the actual work but I think leaving this job is in my best interest and the patients best interests.  I am still taking my PTCB exam because, well, it’s been paid for and also I can’t get a refund.

Woo, gettin a little emotional about this desicion.  It wasn’t made lightly but the past few months it has been on my mind to maybe find another job.  Finding out about all these mistakes that I haven’t been catching- that just drove in the nail.

So where am I going from here?  In the next blog post to follow! :)

[dead-in-and-out]

Its becoming a trend that i come back to this account to rant but whatever this is like a fucked up digital diary anyway at this point.

Heed the tags if for some insane reason you wanna read this lmao 👍

I find it? Incredible for the lack of a better word how people just exist as fictives. Like okay yeah i am kinda bitter and jealous but thats not the point. I see people talk about like source detachment and whatever as their no1 issue and goal and like its important but also who fucking has time for that?

I dont know if its just me being adjusted or whatever but i dont spend my every waking moment thinking about how im a fictiveee and how weird this "strange new world is". Like yea its fucked fnaf is a game and it looks goofy as hell but???? I have bigger issues!! Wow!

Im sitting in bed fighting a headache that could be from stress or dehydration or the last remains of the fucking concussion ive been recovering from and im so mad and bitter. Im so tired of having to be here and live like this. This family despises me, my boss sucks, my pay is ass and i have people depend on me. The irony isnt lost to me, shit pay, shit workplace and a job bigger than i am, yeah i sometimes get lost in my head thinking about how nauseatingly similar this is to then, but i cant afford to dwell for long.

I need to get it together and get up every day and go to work and pretend that i dont want to bash my head against the counter and make jokes and smile at my coworkers. I dont Get to be tired of it all for longer than an hour at a time if im lucky. I dont get to be scared like i see so many people do.

I dont have the time to be cared for and listened to. If i break down then i wont be able to focus at best, function at all at worst. This fucking situation sucks, this disorder sucks and im so tired of people making it silly haha omg i am Not a magical person anymore how strange!! Wow!! Why cant we talk about the hard parts and coping? More than coping with physical changes some people may need adjustment to?

Idk im just really fucking salty tonight. Its almost 2am and i have to see a doctor tomorrow and maybe im not handling it well. Shrug. I dont like being the host and needing to be here and aware all the time but it beats the constant confusion and memory gaps that less common fronters have. Someone suggested i try to step down and let someone else handle work and our life for a bit but i dont really have a choice. Im the host because im the person best equipped to handle everything not because its a silly decision i made. Besides i dont want to stress anyone else out like i am stressed. I dont want to shove the responsibility on someone else like it was to me.

[likemilkandhoney]

this past week I have been thinking about the why. why did he end things with me, what was the point. and I feel as though I've come to some conclusion.

he believed I deserved better. and that broke him because he could not give me better. he was not enough.

I remember thinking of the words he used and how he ended things so-- abruptly...

and it's clear to me that he's been thinking about this for a while.

he really felt like he could not naturally deliver the things he knows I deserve.

and if there is something I've learned about men / have been reminded of during my time with Grant it is that those who are inexperienced and immature, those who have so much more life to live- they can be overly confident (if you want to call it that).

arrogant. arrogant is the word.

they don't want to admit what they cannot do. you can tell them it is okay and that you understand that they cannot deliver (something that you know you could easily get from someone else mature enough, and even still if you are loving on them, you don't even see it as a flaw) and they would still try to prove to you that they can do it.

I was talking with my older sister, Tippy, about this.

she asked me, "why do men do that? why do they make promises and say stuff without you even suggesting it? why do all that if you aren't going to actually do it"

and to me the answer was simple. is simple.

they are learning in the moment that they can't do it. they made a promise they couldn't keep. AND to someone deserving of all the kindness, sweetness, love, and care in the world.

no emotionally immature man can confidently admit what they lack.

it's like it triggers this thing in them that reminds them of how inadequate they already deeply feel.

and by you saying, "it's okay you don't have to deliver for me," they take it as such a deep cut. it is such an insult.

because you are telling them to their face, "I am content knowing that you are not man enough for me. it's okay, baby."

and while you may have done your best to be sincere and accepting of them, they know deep down, that if they were man enough, you wouldn't be saying these things.

this is why men with experience. men who have lived on their own. men who have emotional maturity can handle this kind of talk.

they wouldn't even take it as an insult (and rightfully so because it is simply a statement).

they would understand and be calmly aware of what they can and cannot deliver.

it's a different beast to enter into a relationship with someone so warm, caring, loving, understanding, beautiful, cute, sexy, sweet, all the things you've wanted in a partner, in a lover, in a companion, and they say to you, "it's okay, baby, I understand that you are not enough."

the constant reminder that they are not enough- that is.

Grant was being constantly reminded that he is not enough.

and it had nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with me.

I remember sending him a voice message crying and saying that I don't know what I did wrong. I felt so horrible and I couldn't sleep. asking him- pleading to him to tell me what it was I did. and he simply said.

nothing. you did nothing wrong. and there was nothing that would have changed my decision (and ultimately how he feels about himself when he's with me).

in some ways I'm sure he felt confident, powerful, and man enough to walk in a room with me, to have me on his arm and in his hands. I felt that way when I was with him. so, I know that's how he felt.

I felt safe and at home. if I needed anything or anything happened, I could hold onto him and he would take care of it.

and while that felt nice for me, it was more stressful for me. because what happens when he can't protect me. what happens when the responsibility of being this man for your woman is too much? and you don't know how to be man enough for her?

but I can now imagine how he would feel unworthy of my warmth. my sweetness. my attention on him. when he wishes he could give me everything and he can't.

for him, that's what it was.

it was eating away at him, things I had no idea about.

and I don't deserve to wait for that from him. 1. because I would be waiting a long time, and 2. there are men right now who are mature enough and can handle it.

and he's not one of those men. who knows if he'll never be. 051024

d.

[friedesgreatscythe]

ARR speedruns are getting me through late winter into early spring, as well as allowing me a chance to come up with different characters to give AU Eorzea adventures. I've perfected it from about 10 days in February, to three days in the Eren Jaeger run last month, to possibly 20 hours total in my current Twilight Princess!Zelda run. I'm taking a break now because I'm holding myself accountable to productive decisions lol But considering the rate I've been going I'm almost posi I can manage at most a 24 hour run time.

I've perfected little ways to make it go by as quick as possible: start on Dynamis (NA data center that gives a massive exp boost) and always have food handy for another bit of EXP boost (if an FC invites you and has an EXP boost as well, all the better, but you don't have to rely on this); use NPCs in dungeons and pull big mobs if you're DPS or healer (the tank is beefy and the healer can keep up with him, but i haven't tested out the combo of you tanking + NPC healer yet); sign up with every chocobokeep at aetherytes so you can pass between settlements without spending much gil; use the airship service liberally to also save gil; if you go archer/bard, always use peleton to make sprinting faster; skip cutscenes (which i only condone here bc i've played the game before) and make the language Japanese and the text 9+ speed for the ones you can't skip. For the grand companies, the Immortal Flames or Twin Adders are the better choices since their headquarters are so close to major aetherytes (and will load in faster as opposed to Limsa, where everyone is all the damn time).

Using all this, I started the conjurer/white mage Zelda cosplay run yesterday at 12:30PM and got her to level 50 and unlocked Brayflox by 2AM. I did have to take a break for dinner, so that added about a half hour to the run time, and I did do two side dungeons for another boost of EXP, so that added to the time as well. I don't have gear good enough to solo dungeons at this point, but I can turn in the silver chocobo feathers I have to get some relic gear to help with iLvl and stat increase.

You may be asking yourself, "Krist, why are you doing all this?" And the answer is simply: so Twilight Princess!Zelda can get the Torgal mount and fit my own personal satisfaction of having a lore appropriate mount from her game lmao Also to keep seeing how fast I can get through ARR at this point.

The FFXVI crossover event lasts til May goddamn 8th. I have over a month to do it, but I have an awful sense of FOMO and an insatiable need to put pressure on myself to succeed, so this is how I've tried to come to terms with that. Even though I'm never satisfied with what I do. Even with all these accomplishments, I went to bed last night thinking, "What a waste of time, you're such a loser." And hey, that could be true, but as long as I'm applying myself to things that will actually help me in real life, I don't see the problem.

Which is why I'm spending the day typing up my rewrites draft notebook so I have that to work on in the oncoming draft.

Accountability. Productivity. Accomplishments. I'm capable of all of these, and now I just need to make sure I keep doing them, and that I include myself in these efforts. Looking after my mom and now my stepdad after his sciatica flare up has made me more aware of how easily and readily I'll set aside what I want and need to do for someone else. Reassuring my sister that I'm available to help whenever she needs it makes me aware of how quickly I'll reach out to someone else, but never think to offer that same support to myself.

My goal for the year is to finish this draft--polished, finished, ready for beta readers--by Thanksgiving at the latest. I know I can do it. I know I need to focus, to reach out to other writer friends who are on their indie pub journeys, or keep track of their progress and how they're handling themselves. I need to be more supportive to myself. I need to celebrate how determined I am, even through the hardship and discomfort of having no financial independence (and the BPD impulsivity of overspending when I do have money, combined with the PTSD sense of foreshortened future. Why save money when I can't imagine a need to support myself because I can't imagine wanting to live [which is different from wanting to die, it's simply a total apathy to the concept of existing and wanting to do so]).

I just... need to be better to myself. I need to jump to my own needs the way I do for others. I need to reassure myself the way I do for others. I need to set goals in the immediate and long-term future and meet them, and be proud of meeting them. I need to start looking at my life and what I'm doing in it as things that are good, and useful, and valuable, and necessary, and wonderful, because no one and nothing else is going to give me the life I'm desperate for. I don't get a second chance at this. It's not something I can start over. I'm alive now, whether I like it or not, and I have to keep dedicating myself to things that make me like it.

Even typing that out makes me scowl or cringe away from the very idea. But why? Why don't I want to make myself happy? Why don't I want to make my life better--to make my life my life, how I want it? Why can't I just... be a healthy person? Why can't I like myself--not even love, just like? Why am I repulsed by the very idea of taking care of myself? What happened to make me this way, and how can I fix it?

[yrsaartifex]

(BE WARNED - Long post ahead)

I know I'm in the minority here, but respectfully, I have never liked Cassandra throughout any of the seasons of the show. In S3, she drove me absolutely insane. I am aware that most of the writing for S3 was all over the place and very flawed, and she is a victim of that. However, the writing can't be blamed entirely her flaws. They were built up through the entire show.

From the very biggening of the series, I personally found Cassandra to be annoying. She was seemingly nothing but negative, rude, and overly angsty for no reason. I'm all for serious and/or sassy female characters, but she just far too negative, and her sassy was just plain mean. She took everything personally, and she never cut Rapunzel any slack.

I understand that Punzi was very flawed and was to blame for a lot, but especially in S1, many problems could have been solved if Cass had just understood that her friend was still mentally a child. Rapunzel had extremely limited social interactions growing up, and she doesn't know how to deal with people. Yes, she will say and do things that will hurt Cassandra's feelings, but that's because she doesn't know why they would upset a person or why they're wrong. Yet Cass never understood any of that. Yes, her spotlight was taken away by Rapunzel, but Punzi had never experienced true affection before. Of course she loves being in the spotlight, and she'll overlook how that can hurt others.

Take one of Cass and Punzi's interactions in the first part of The Great Tree. After their horseback ride, they have a conversation, and Rapunzel eventually says, "I don't need someone to keep me safe". Cass takes this as Rapunzel diminishing her, but that's not the case. Rapunzel is stating a fact. She doesn't need someone to take care of her. She can handle herself just fine, that much had been shown up until that point in the series. I don't believe that Rapunzel understood that saying something like that would hurt Cass. Why would it? She's just stating a fact that she assumes Cass already knows, because she's seen it. Cass also needed to understand that Rapunzel brought her along not as a bodyguard, but because they're friends. She's not there for protection, so she shouldn't be upset when Rapunzel points that out.

Later in The Great Tree, Cass is very much in the wrong. She's insults Rapunzel and calls her oblivious and naïve for trusting Adira, when Adira has done nothing to show that's she deceiving them, and then gets salty when Rapunzel, justifiable, is upset about it. Rapunzel is right. She's going to make decisions that Cass will disagree with. There's nothing wrong with that. That's just part of being a person and having a relationship with other persons.

Then when Hector becomes possessed and the Great Tree starts getting destroyed, Cass thinks she's going to solve everything by trying to reach the spear and defeating Hector that way. That was never going to happen. Everyone would have been dead by the time she reached that spear, and even then, possessed!Hector would never have let her get back down to the Heart. She would have died before then. Her plan was not going to work, and yet, in her arrogance, she thought she was better than she was.

Rapunzel, however, had a plan that would work. Yes, she could have gotten hurt, but she was willing to take that chance. Rapunzel was willing to sacrifice herself to save the people she cares about. And what was Cassandra's reaction? She was ungrateful. She criticized her and refused to recognize that Rapunzel knew better in that instance and was trying to do a very selfless and noble thing. Rapunzel tried to save Cass. She told her to run, but Cass didn't listen. She again thought that she knew better than she did and was better than she was. She made the mistake of touching Rapunzel while she was in the Hurt Incantation sate, and she got burned. What does she do next? Blame Rapunzel. Cassandra hurt herself by not listening and being arrogant. She made the choice to stay behind and stupidly touch the possessed glowing creature, not Rapunzel. Cassandra was to blame for what happened to her hand, not Rapunzel.

And of course, my biggest problem is as follows. IT IS NOT RAPUNZEL'S FAULT THAT GOTHEL LEFT CASSANDRA. SHE WAS AN INFANT. And yet she blames Rapunzel for that. Not only does she blame Rapunzel, but she also commits treason in two kingdoms, steals an ancient and possible holy object without any knowledge of what it means or how to use it, joins sides with a demon, and possesses innocent people to use as her puppets. Mommy issues is not an excuse for betrayal. Poor communication with your friend is not an excuse for thievery. Personal unresolved feelings are not an excuse for treason. And enslaving innocent people is of course never excusable. It also always upset me that she got so mad over Gothel, and yet she had a perfectly good father the entire time. Again, ungrateful, thoughtless, and arrogant.

All of my problems with Cassandra built up into that final season, and yes, plenty of it was the fault of bad writing. But I have never liked her. I have never found her funny or enjoyable. She always striked me as too angsty, rude, distrustful, arrogant, thoughtless, and her reasoning is extremely poor in most of what she does.

This is all just my personal opinion, and not meant to hurt anyone. These are fictional characters, and there is no reason to be disrespectful and cruel to real people over it. I would love to hear what other people think of the matter! If you're still here, thank you for sticking around until the end of my rant. Be kind, and God bless!

OVERHATED CHARACTERS POLL: Cassandra (Tangled the Series)

Feel free to explain your position in the comments or tags, but any harassment, over-the-top fighting, or personal attacks will result in you being blocked. Do not attack real people, be they fans or creators, over fictional characters.

[lyrenminth]

Getting back together

Note: I need to decide if I make a second part of this, because i really liked it. Anyway, tell me what do you think.

Summary: You and Joe meet again after your break up and good things happen.

Damn. 

How long have been since you and Joe were in the same room? Three years? Four? Since you break up, you went zero contact. It was relatively easy because his work was very demanding and he travelled a lot, so the only thing you did was to block him in your socials and stop watching his games. Well, you lose many friendships with the others WAGS because you weren't relatable anymore but it seemed like the best for both. Actually, Joe's rising fame was one of the reasons you guys break up. Dating in college was nice and was something you could handle it, but the NFL was a different monster and living through Joe made you realized you weren't prepared for this. Being a supportive girlfriend was a hard task when you had your own problems and almost drowning on them, and of course you couldn't tell anything to Joe because he needed to be focus on his game. After many discussions with him about his moods and a couple of months in therapy made you take the decision to break up with him. It wasn't easy and Joe didn't take it nicely, but he respected your decision. "I hope you don't regret this" he said after crying in front of you.

And you thought you would regret it. The first months were hell. Crying every day feeling dumb and empty because Joe was your first love and he taught you many things. Crying because you missed him, his kisses, hugs and cuddles. The nights watching T.V and how he always criticized the series when the plot didn't make any sense. "How is that even possible?" he always exclaimed, annoyed at the T.V "That doesn't make any sense. Who is hiring these people?" And you just laughed. 

But you were expecting to live with guilt the rest of you life. It took all your self-control not to call him or being in contact with him. Because if one day you and Joe meet again, you wanted to be a better version of yourself. You wanted to be present and free of bullshit from you friends and family. You wanted to feel better about you body and everything else. Of course, you didn't expect him to take you back, because you knew he wasn't that type of guy but deep inside you, with all you dreams there was a desire of a chance. Also, you friend told you he was dating here and there, he was having fun without commitment and that increased your silly hopes. So, when your eyes meet in a room full of people you felt a shiver down your spine. He tried to hide his surprise but you couldn't. You weren't expecting him there. You looked at your friend and squeezed her hand.

"Why you didn't tell me Joe was here?" you asked her, trying not to sound nervous.

"How am I supposed to know?" she replied, frowning "Go and talk to him" she encourage you.

"Are you nuts? Mindy I broke up with him" you explained.

 "And?" You left out a sigh, looking around, trying to act normal.

"Oh my God, he's looking at you" she said, excited. "Stop" you mumbled, feeling like you were fifteen again. Act cool. You are cool. You talked to other people being fully aware of his presence and how all the women were around him, trying to catch his attention. You recognized Sam and Ja'Marr too. They were chatting and drinking. You tried to stay away,and in the middle of night your headed to the bathroom. You were heated and a little bit drunk. After cooling a little bit in the restroom you went out and found Joe standing in the hallway. You heart stopped watching him standing there. You thought he was a random guy but after a closer view, it was Joe. "Hi" you said, feeling a rush in your body. His blue eyes were fixed you. His face didn't change so much after these years, he was a little bit tanned, maybe from one trip to the beach. "Can we talk?" he said, raspy voice.

His first words after three years. You didn't know what you were expecting but oh, well. You nodded and you follow him to a different room you didn't know it existed. He close the door behind you. It was a bedroom...why the club had a bedroom? What kind of club it was? You were wondering why they had a room like this and didn't notice Joe was staring at you the whole time. You weren't going to hook up anyway. You wanted to talk, but he asked you first so you waited patiently. "Sam told me you were here" 

"I am"

"Are you living in Cincy again?"

"I'm visiting some friends" He nodded and added "I was surprised, I didn't expect to see you again" that hurt, because you were expecting the opposite. Joe walked through the room, doubtful about his next step. "I didn't know you were here" you replied. It was true, it was the biggest coincidence of your life. Being in the same club at the same hour, the same day.

"After you blocked me I wasn't expecting that either" he said. There it was. Joe in petty mode. "I explained my reasons" you stated not wanting to explain what you already explained in the past. 

"Yes, and I told you I didn't want to break up" he recalled, his eyes full of emotion. You didn’t meant to hurt him. You remembered how desesperate he was trying to change your mind “Please baby, don’t do this, we will make it, please”

You swallowed, feeling his stare burnt your skin. That was magic Joey, he made you feel special and unique. Besides, Joe was so passionate. "I wasn't the partner you deserved Joey" you replied, emotional "I was in a bad place, my family was having a hard time, my friend was having a hard time. I was having a hard time and nobody cared"

"Why you didn't talk to me?" he said, exasperated.

"Because!" you raised your voice feeling vulnerable and exposed. You cleared your throat trying to remain calm "Because I didn't want to bother you when you were in the middle of the season with a losing record. You needed to be focus, you needed to win because everyone expected it"

That was the worst season for you and Joe. And once the words left your mouth you felt relieved and exhausted. You gasped for air, not wanting to cry in front of him."I was young and immature. Everything was new to me and I didn't know how hard it was. I felt dumb when you arrived home in a bad mood and nothing I did made you feel better and then I was alone having this thoughts..." you voice cracked in the last sentence. You look up at the ceiling, avoiding Joe's eyes.

 "Are you better now?" he said in a sad tone. You nodded, pressing your lips together. "Yes, I got help and things got better" He got closer to you, you remained still not knowing what to do. You were face to face again and it was like seeing him for the first time. Joe was and always will be breath taking with that sharp nose and chiseled jaw. You wanted to hug him and bury your face in his chest, instead, you move awkwardly. If you stood on your tip toes you could reached his lips. 

"That's good because I have miss you really hard" he confessed in a low tone. For all the heavens, that was so unfair. "Are you drunk?" You wondered. Joe never did or said things like this. 

He laughed, a child laugh. "No, I'm being honest" His body radiated heat and his smell (fresh, clean, masculine) made you dizzy. This was so wrong but so good. "What you want Joe?" you asked, fixed your eyes on his.

"I want you" he said each word clearly. You had to close your legs because it was too much. You wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to ride him until you were breathless, to scratch his back muscles while he thrust deeply inside you until he found his pleasure. "Do you want to fuck me?" you wanted to clarify. 

"I want to fuck you, I want to date you, I want to have what we had before" his voice was full of desire. It made you squirm. He was so close and those pink lips seemed really appetizing.

 "I...we...we need to take the things slowly" you said out of breath. Trying to put the words together without mumbling. It was bad he wasn't even touching you "I don't want to repeat the same mistakes in our relationship" He nodded a little bit effusive. "Neither do I" was all he said."And we need to talk more, I need you to listen and I need time together" you stated. 

"Ok, I agree"

 You nodded, more comfortable. "This isn't going to be easy but I'm willing to try" you said, finally "because I still like you" You licked your lips, leaning towards him. You looked at his soft skin and his Adam's apple going down after he gulped. "Do you still like me?" you asked. You needed to know. Instead of answering, he took your hand and put it on his crotch. You felt his erection through the jeans and it left you speechless. "Fuck, Joey" you whispered, a little bit ashamed and extremely horny. "So, take that as a yes" You looked at the door. Mindy must be worried and searching for you. You should go back and clear your mind. You needed to think straight. You forgot how powerful was Joe, how could you forget it?

 "I-I need to take air" you said, blushed. 

That's fine" his raspy voice made you swoon.

"I need a little bit of space right know, but I don't know what to do..." you said, nervous "Can you give me your number? I'll message you later"  

"Ok"Joe took out his phone from his pocket and gave you his number. He was staring at you the whole time.

 "Are you here with friends?" He asked."Yes, my friend Mindy..."

"Let me take you home" 

"No" you quickly said.

"No?" 

"I don't trust myself right know and I want to take the things slowly" you explained, nervous "and I think I saw you drinking"

"So, you were watching me" he said with a mischievous grin.

"Me and another fifty girls, yes" 

"Then, my bodyguard can take you home"

"Do you have a bodyguard?" that was a surprise.

"Against my will" he explained. You almost rolled your eyes. "No, Mindy drive us here, don't worry" He nodded. You moved away towards the door feeling his stare on you, You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t expect to have this electrifying connection after all these years. It was like your body remembered him. Missed him.

One step at the time. You must take one step and enjoy it.

“It was nice to see you” you said, a shy smile on your face.

You wanted to see him again, and again, and again.