#i am aware that this song is about today’s generation doing better for the ones who died bcuz of the war

[wangxian-the-zhijis]

WangXian x “As You Wish” by Faye Wong

If you are interested in xz’s version:

[etherealsworldvision]

What is a step you can take toward your own well-being?

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about: Marine Conservation Institute. They’re a non-profit organization working to defend our ocean by advocating for stronger protection and to save the ocean for all of us and future generations. If you’re interested do check them out and if you’d like to further support this organization click donate.

New song discovery for the reading: Elijah Waters - Perfectly Silent

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings!

Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.

[ Collective Messages: 234 (or 2:34? I’m not religious but for some reason I got this?); Leaving the past behind; Elevating; Patience; Timing; Learning to walk again; Stumbling; Material abundance; Getting news about material/job offers; Your confirmation is Yes; Positive changes; Water wheel finally turning; Think before speaking; Rainbows and Sunshine. Mars Placements.]

Pile 1

“My head is like a washing machine. Tried to wash away these thoughts, still can’t get clean.”

Cards: 9 of Wands Reversed; Emperor; 10 of Cups Reversed; Empress Reversed; 2 of Hearts; Queen of Clubs; Six of Clubs

[ Messages: Stubborn; Self-Sabotage; Fear of Change; Overthinking; Stagnation; “Just Do It”; Red Sox; Baseball; Taking initiative; Ares; Aries placement; Coffee; Accepting your heart; Janine Teagues; “Things will go wrong whether you’re doing what you want or not. For me, regrets are always harder to live with than consequences. I don’t regret […] living my life to the fullest […] it’ll be alright, trust me.”– Mr. Johnson ( Abbott elementary S3EP14 timestamp 16:10 - 17:08). ]

The first thing standing out to me is your emotional and mental health. You may be experiencing a time where you’re unable to take care of yourself. This isn’t to shame you, I just want to acknowledge that you’re already doing enough. If no one said this to you today; I am so proud of you. Another thing I do want to say is: please reach out to your support system or check in with yourself. Honestly you don’t need to prove anything to be deserving of love and happiness. It’s okay to want and need something that emotionally fulfills you.

I feel like this pile is very independent and an over-thinker which can cause burnout, as well as aiding in self-sabotaging tendencies. For some reason I feel like you may “psych yourself out of it,” meaning you’re so excited about something only to get worried before having a chance. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow but it needs to be said. Self-sabotaging and overthinking is what’s holding you back. You may be experiencing Imposter Syndrome and Control issues as a result.

With the emperor, empress, and queen of clubs here — you are very much qualified to go after what you want. It does look like you're someone who knows what to do, is aware of the things you need, and what you want. I don’t know if it is a job or related to your social life, however, there’s this feeling of being overqualified for something or feeling deserving of more/better.

There is also a confirmation here that things will get better and you will get what you want. However, it is you who decides to go after it. I do recommend looking up books about self-sabotaging or YouTube videos about this topic. If you are in therapy, maybe this is a subject you’d like to bring up?

A good question to ask yourself is: What have I always accepted as true that turned out to be false?

So that’s all I’m getting. I know this reading is short and straightforward. I would like to say thank you for taking your time reading this and I hope this reading resonates with you.

Pile 2

[ Cards: King of Swords; The Devil Reversed; Page of Wands; Queen of Cups; King of Spades; 3 of Hearts; Jack of Diamonds; 5 of Hearts ]

Messages: Retreating; Refuting; Verbally Vindictive; 3H Mars; Leo or Cancer Mars; Fire and Water Placements; Trauma Dumping; Changes in Communication; Online Regina George Trope; Air Signs (Specifically Suns); Birthdays; Online Personality; Healing; Dictator - Rei Ami; YouTube commentary or essays about online ( trends )

I feel a bit overwhelmed when reading this pile. As if I have to be someone I’m not? I feel that social media is really coming in, especially TikTok/Twitter discourses. There’s this sense of having to upkeep and over consume to be considered a: ✨main character✨ otherwise “you’re just not cool and an utterly boring, basic loser, yuck 🤢 🤮, You’re not even a side character yikes.” /J (I am using sarcasm and joking).

For some of you I get the feeling that this could be stemming from social media addiction, others it may be, that you are embodying the online personality. Over all this just feels like a huge weight on your shoulders or a ball and chain on your leg. In an odd way; maybe your phone or whatever you use is home to you? It’s where you can express yourself via feelings, personality, opinions, etc. This is in no way to shame you at all. I also use social media and so does the next person, right?

There’s this need to give yourself a balance again. To double check with yourself on how you’re feeling after using social media. I feel most of you are ready to gain control of your media consumption or at least contemplate the effects it has on you. Taking a step back from social media — maybe trying out a hobby or just reconnecting to something that makes you feel like you may help.

Also if you want YouTube recommendations on over consuming let me know, I can send you the links. The number one takeaway is that it’s okay to be yourself. You being you is main character energy. No amount of products, social media influenced personality, or aesthetics can take that away from you. You are enough, I promise you that. It’s okay to want to change but if you’re feeling influenced by something that isn’t true to you then you might want to ponder on that and ask if that is really what you resonate with.

A good question to ask yourself is: What is one small step I can take today towards a goal that feels out of reach?

That’s all I’m getting for you pile 2! If you stuck around this far I’d like to say thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it and hope you resonate with this reading.

Pile 3

[ Cards: 4 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles Reversed; Five of Pentacles Reversed; Queen of Cups; 9 of Diamonds; 6 of Diamonds; Queen of Diamonds; Ace of Hearts ]

Messages; Open mind and heart; Chihiro by Billie Eilish; Money Growth; Finances; Earth and Water placements; Fear of Missing Out; Take out; Diners; Over consumption; Capitalism; Low Income; 111; Unemployment

( Tw: financial experience and control issues. Disclaimer: for some reason I feel called to talk about my financial experience and how I dealt with this. Maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for in my experience? )

So I had been unemployed for two years then found a job for 3 months then unemployed again for a year. When I tell you, I searched for a job everywhere, I mean everywhere! I applied everywhere and every time. I even tried to save what I could and budget with what I had (I live with my family and occasionally would get money. I understand/am aware of the privilege and support I have. I’m also very grateful and appreciate them)

I yelled at the universe, cried, and had sleepless nights. However, what helped me (besides living with my family) through this tough time is to focus on things I can control while applying for jobs. That’s what honestly made me stay afloat. So maybe this is what can help you during this trying time?

Finding a (free) third place meaning: the park, public library, or just a walk may help ease a bit of tension. Sometimes journaling or confiding with someone will help as well. Doing something that helps you remain in the present and eases the anxiousness could help. I know this may not be what you were looking for and I wish I can give you financial advice but that is not my forte.

There is only so much control we have when it comes to finances and it is certainly not a lesson from the universe or it’s not happening to you or happening for you. I don't care what they say, it is not a lesson! It is just an unfortunate situation to be in, it just is. Like yes you can learn from it but it is not something (pre)destined or “contract” written. It just happens and we live in late stage capitalism. That’s me being real with you.

So yeah, I’m sorry for the little tangent. What I am getting is to fill your emotional cup for the meantime. Yes, do what you need to do with your finances; finding a job or to save/budget money whatever you can do to the best of your abilities.

You just have to remember to do things that are within your control and to not neglect your emotional/mental health. If singing, drawing, talking, or simple things like cloud watching helps you stay present and makes you feel in control then by all means do that.

I’m not saying to use escapism but I am saying to do your best to emotionally check in with yourself from time to time. Also if you have a support system do talk with them or be around them. A good question to ask yourself is: “Who do I feel most myself around? Why?”

This is all that I’m getting for the reading. I hope this reading resonates. Again, I am so sorry if I made things worse or didn’t help! Please remember to check in with yourself — take care :)

[cowboywritersworld]

Making you feel like a princess

General Masterlist | AEW Masterlist | Hangman Adam Page Masterlist

Prompt: 05. Hurt/comfort from Flufftober 2024 by @thepenultimateword

Thanks to @madhatterbri for the idea, because I was going crazy 😂

Summary: Y/N was supposed to get married the year before. Maybe her fiance cheated, etc. Adam (I'm assuming it's him?) Takes her out for the whole day to lift her spirits.

One year... It is one year since you should be happily married. Exactly one year ago you were ready to get to the altar and marry the man of your dreams, but a major car accident has taken him away from you.

One year and you can't still forget him. In one year, many things have changed for you, but you still aren't doing progresses on the pain. You sigh as you try to eat breakfast at the hotel, that particular day is hard on you and luckily you don't have a match that evening.

"Y/N?" A male deep voice distraughts you from your thoughts, making you look up at who is talking to you.

"Morning Adam." You smile tiredly at him. "Sit down if you want." You both have grown closely, he is a very handsome man and if only you could get over that loss, Adam could be something more than a friend.

"How are you feeling, y/N? I'm always here for you." He sits down in front of you, looking at your features.

"Horrible." You say blatantly. "Have hardly slept. Good thing I'm not on the show tonight." You take a bite of your pancakes, knowing you need to eat.

"Why don't you come with me? It's a surprise, but afterwards we can do everything you want." He asks you gently. "Comfy clothes that you don't care if they get dirty."

You perk up your head at his words. "You know you don't have to Adam, right? I don't want to be a burden or ruin the day by being sad." You look down at your plate, sighing.

"I can't make your pain go away, but maybe I can help you relieve it just for today." Adam ruffles your hair, smiling. "Meet me at the hall of the hotel in 30 minutes, you won't regret it."

When you finally join him, he has his cowboy boots and hat on and is holding a basket, with the keys of his rental car in the other hand. In the car you both stay silent, only the songs coming from the radio being what makes noise.

Your eyes get wide when you notice the ranch with many horses.

"Are we going to ride a horse?" You ask, excited. You love horses ever since you are three years old.

"Exactly. We'll stop in a small cute place and have a picnic. When we get back we can go anywhere you want, Y/N."

He pays for both, helping you to get on the horse you chose, even though you don't really need help, but you find it cute. When he is ready, you ride off, enjoying the sunny weather, the Fall scents which surrounds you, especially when you go through the forest. Being a wrestler, you rarely have time to be on a horse, but there you are and for some moments you forget everything else; it is only you, Adam and your two horses. You ride for about an hour, before you stop on a clearing, from where you can see the whole city.

"This place is wonderful, Adam." You help him set up for the picnic, sitting then with your head against his shoulder.

"I don't get to come here very often, but I thought you would like it." He places a hand on your arm, caressing it slowly.

"This smell, this view, the sound of the animals..." You sigh, closing your eyes.

"We can stay here how much you want, even in silence. Just know that I am always ready to listen."

Adam sure is sweet, but you still aren't ready to open yourself fully to him. He is aware of what happened on this day one year ago, so you don't need to explain anything. You keep chatting about everything and nothing, eating the lunch he has bought for both of you, riding back in the afternoon. It has been a while since you had even just a bit of fun just like that, surely work doesn't really help, but right now you feel so much better.

"Do you think we can go to the movies after?" You ask with bambi eyes, chuckling when he rolls his eyes.

"Of course we can do that, this day is all for you."

[factcheckingmclennon]

Can you fact check This One being about John? It's an interpretation that really annoys me because I think it just comes from one rambling answer about relationships in general where he vaguely connects John and George's relationship to the song and not one where he's saying anything meaningful about his and John's relationship. I love the song and it's so outside of my interaction with it that I find the way it's accepted as McLennon fact really hard. But maybe there's a source out there I'm not aware of

oh i can answer this one immediately bc i am one of those believers (sorry anon, sob) & probably one of the folks who has annoyed you w this over on my main

but my answer is the same as it will be with pretty much Any lyric interpretation (unless it's a song that's like obviously and blatantly and said a million times to be about the other, like "here today" or "how do you sleep?") which is...

bc ultimately, as fans, we are all going to have our own interpretations of songs and that's fine! i mean, people shouldn't be repeating it as hard fact, but at the same time sometimes u just gotta breathe out & let people interpret how they will. (like i, for one, don't think "dear boy" is about john, but it's not my business if someone thinks it is)

so i will say now (& it is in my pinned, a bit), unless there's some definitive answer on a lyrics based fact-check (like, again, "here today" or "how do you sleep?"), my answer is pretty much Always gonna be neutral. but i will do on any of these types of questions is try & find both sides of the interpretation as well as any quotes from john/paul/others on the song.

so let's get into it ! i'll present both sides & try to remain as unbiased as possible but do know i Am one of the people that thinks it's about john and it's okay that you're not and it's fine that i am. we are all living in peace and harmony and mclennon here lmao

so here's the quote in question (which i'm sure you know, but for everyone else):

Interviewer: Let me ask you about one of your new songs, ‘This One’. About a marriage? Paul: A relationship, yeah. Interviewer: And about not expressing emotions and feelings.  Paul: You get those moments where you always think; "I’m saving it up. I’ll tell him one day." And you know what happens. A lot of people, John for instance, getting back to that subject. He died. Um.. I was lucky. The last few we- months that he was alive we’d managed to get our relationship back on track. We were talking, having real good conversations. Real, nice and friendly. George, actually, didn’t get get his relationship right. I think they were arguing ‘till the end, which I’m sure is a source of great sadness to him. And I’m sure in the feeling of this song that George was always planning to tell John he loved him, but time ran out. That’s what the song’s about. Like, there could never be a better moment than this one. Y’ know now. Take this moment to say… "I love you."

(source) (again, an archived blog, but it's audio so i'm using it as a legit source)

argument for it being about john

well, to start with, paul immediately answers with "i'll tell him one day" which, regardless of if it's about john, is a very blatantly queer answer. maybe a slip of the tongue, who knows, but there's not much question at the least that this song is romantic. so paul saying it's about a "him" is very interesting, even if it's not john. (edit: given the youtube video linked below, it can also be heard as "them". i still don't hear "them" or think it's continuous, but that is one interpretation & hearing of this interview and it's a valid one!)

second, he does connect it to george and john's relationship, but he does it in a way that's just again connecting the song to him and john. he says "i'm sure in the feeling of this song that george (...etc)" which is just him saying he thinks george can relate to the feeling of the song.

and ofc back to the beginning of the quote, right after saying "i'll tell him one day" he says "a lot of people, john for instance (...)" which is just connecting that sentence to john. he goes on to say they got their relationship right, but then at the end loops back around to saying the song is about regretting not saying "i love you", which we know from "here today" and other paul quotes he does deeply regret not saying to john. so an Entire Song about that regret is not like. unfeasible to be about john.

i will say, i at least think this song is about more than one thing. he says here it's about that type of relationship he had with john (or the nebulous "him" who i mean. who else would that be? tara?) and then he does also talk about how he had fun w the storytelling w the word play on "this swan" and the hindu imagery. (edit: also with the full context of the youtube video below, this is even more relevant, because paul also talks about family and a "her". imo, it's more than likely a song about many people/relationships. some people think that one of those is john, myself included!)

argument for it not being about john

like you said, it is a bit of a rambling answer! and saying it's about john IS just an interpretation. paul saying "him" could've been a slip of the tongue, or maybe he had some other romantic relationship with a man we're not privy to, or maybe he did completely mean all those lines platonically and it's about various men he's been friends with or even john in a platonic way.

he does also connect the song to george and john, so it could be about that. i've also seen someone posit that here he is trying to reach out to george in his own way- thinking george must have the same regrets as him with john & thus this is his attempt to repair that relationship before they have those regrets with each other too.

and ofc, it could just be a totally hypothetical song. he never says it's about his own life, and he does include a lot of fictional imagery about a swan in this song. he could just be telling a story he doesn't necessarily relate to.

edit: there is also a full youtube video (time mark for part of this interview comes at 59:51). in the video, paul also mentions parents as someone you might regret not telling how you feel. following another edited clip, he says the "I’m saving it up. I’ll tell him/them one day," line, which can also be read as a "them" referring to parents rather than a "him". he also mentions a "her" in this interview as well, which adds credence to the fact that this song is about many types of relationships/people and this doesn't necessarily mean it's about john at all. or that if it is, it's romantic, since he mentions parents as well.

[myelinshreek]

I get that everyone is swooning over “Provider”, but the song was putting up some red flags and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

After a few listens, the whole song reminded me of The Shitty Ex™️

That is to say, I think it’s a telling a story about lovebombing. I think it’s Sleep lovebombing Vessel.

First, “provider” as a goal is giving tradwife vibes. “Final Decider” is also giving tradwife vibes. As in a controlling partner, not an equal.

“Garner you with silk like a spider”

Spiders tie up their prey. Yes, the idea of Vessel being tied up in silk rope is hot, but stay with me, they also liquify and suck up their insides. This is not good, loving imagery. This was not on accident.

“That bit of fuel to your fire / Stoke your desire”

These lines hit personally hard and is what set up a red flag. My ex knew I loved him, but he wanted me to be toxic passionate for his entertainment / prove I loved him? He had a thing for “Toxicas” and wanted to see how far I’d go. He literally went on a trip with his ex while we were dating to get me to rage.

Being someone’s lover truly is so, so, so different.

Being in love with someone is ii collaborating on Vessel’s song about leaving them for fame and glory.

Being in love with someone is trusting your loved one so they can go heal a deeply held bond.

“Cause you been hitting my phone so hard I found it / Breathing through a tube in the ICU”

This line is literally poking fun at the other person’s desperation to get in contact with them, and making light of it using imagery of literal abuse. They’re fully aware they were reaching out and let them sweat.

They’re finally responding after several desperate attempts to get in contact, and it’s this seductive ballad filled with “I want, I want, I, My, I, I, I.” This person is self centered.

“When you look at me like that got me falling right back / And your fingers / Foxtrot on my skin … / I can give you what you want / And our bodies converse like old friends”

Have you ever had that friend who keeps going back to their shitty ex they ran into/hit up? This is exactly what it feels like. Your nostalgia lying to you.

“Going Under this Time”

I wanted to separate out this line because it tells us a lot about where Vessel’s mind is at. When we visually see Vessel go into the ocean and submit himself to Sleep, it’s with the title card “The Truth Is, I Am Ugly, I Am Inadequate, I Am Lost” in the “Fall For Me” music video.

Generally, yes, this is the mindset you’re in when you reach out to your ex, am I right?

“And I told you / I can get it so right / Even in the daylight”

This is a promise they’ve made before and for some reason they weren’t believed before. The “even in the daylight” line is interesting, because it implies they’ve only had a nighttime / in the dark sort of relationship. That there was a lack of accountability and they’ll do so much better and everyone is going to see they’ll do so much better they promise.

And all this concludes with three finale of “Infinite Baths” where… listen. Vessel is fucked. Sleep has been trying to teach them they’re Not A God since the “Fall For Me” video.

And they’re gonna learn that lesson today.

This was such a great song. This song has so much potential storytelling. I could just be projecting my own experienced; but if this is a song portraying lovebombing in an abusive relationship, Vessel did an amazing job portraying it from both sides. Like… holy fuck.

And the fucking contrast between “Provider” and “Gethsemane” as conversations with your ex is… fuck.

[twopoppies]

Nothing to do with Larry, I wanna spread awarness about the tragedy that happened in my country, Macedonia in the city of Kocani on the 16.03.2025. Nightclub fire claimed the lives of 60 young and innocent souls. This is the most massive tragedy in the history of my country and it all happened because of corruption, since everyone can have a license to open a nightclub in a barn with foam insulation that burned down in two minutes, leaving 60 families and an entire country forever shrouded in black. They were all young souls, aged 14-30, including the band I grew up with, a duo called DNK who performed that fateful night. All members of the band are deceased, except for one lead singer who is in critical condition and one backing vocalist. The other singer of the duo, Andreja Gjorgievski-Andrej DNK, managed to get out during the fire but returned to help fans trapped in the fire and never came out again. A great humanitarian, he sacrificed himself to save others. I must also mention all the other victims who managed to save themselves and get out in time but returned to help others and then never came out. My country is small, 2 million people, Kocani - the city of tragedy is an even smaller city and today it is sending its entire generation of future and young people on an eternal journey. Please everyone pray for peace for the innocent souls who died, pray for all who are currently fighting for their lives in the hospital. Listen to a song from DNК to pay tribute to the members and everyone else. May God welcome them to the gates of heaven. I am in shock and I can't believe that they are gone and that nothing will ever be the same, listening to them makes me feel a little better. This is from their 20th anniversary concert two years ago, the song Heart, also the last song they sang. They sang it at the moment the fire broke out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G0P977grdw

Oh, darling, I’m so sorry. That’s absolutely horrible. My prayers go out to anyone affected by this. 💔

[gabe-dasha]

LONG POST. This is the rant that my friend (who isn't into Euromusicals as much as I am) woke up to today, because I don't care and had to inform her of all this:

Disclaimer: I speak only ein bisschen Deutsch, so if the translations aren't good, sorry in advance

Woke up today suddenly specifically aware of how the song where Rudolf is arguing with FJ about politics and usig Elisabeth as his defensive argument is basically the same song as the song where Elisabeth was being yelled at by her mother-in-law and trying to use FJ as her defence ("Rudolf, Ich bin außer mir" and "Eine Kaiserin muss glänzen")

"Mein Kind, man schläft hier nicht so lang"

"Warum?"

"Ich dulde keinen Müßiggang!"

"Ich war so müde..."

"Um fünf Uhr früh beginnt der Tag, pünktlich beim Glockenschlag jeden Morgen"

"Du mischt dich in die Politik"

"Mit allem Recht"

"Doch ohne Kenntnis und Geschick"

"Aber nicht so schlecht"

"Du setzt dich für die Ungarn ein"

"So wie Mama"

"Sprich nicht von deiner Mutter"

So yeah, you could call this the scolding motif.

But then again it only shows how much Elisabeth and Rudolf were actually similar, going against the court and following their own beliefs. There is even a bit of dialogue between FJ and Rudolf that's like

FJ: You are favouring the Hungarians

Rudolf: Just like mom!

FJ: Don't speak about your mother!

Rudolf: Why not? She thinks just like me. That's exactly why she left you!

(Elisabeth basically skidaddled for a trip around Europe so she didn't have to put up with FJ)

FJ: That is not true!

Rudolf: She didn't want to watch you continually miss chances for a better future

And so on

And like FJ basically wins the argument with "I'm older and I'm your father so respect me bitch". And then Rudolf goes to speak with Elisabeth to ask her to ask FJ to forgive him, cuz he believes FJ will only listen to her. And the whole entire thing in this song is Rudolf singing about how similar they are and how he wishes he could be her mirror, so that she could see herself in him but the main problem is she won't even look at him.

And then when she finally acknowledges his presence (with words "why is someone disturbing me? What's going on? What do you want?") Rudolf tells her that she needs to talk with FJ and get him to treat Rudolf like a man and not a kid. And Elisabeth basically responds with "I've long since freed myself from the emperor. I never beg. I won't do it even for you."

And then Rudolf goes "So... you're leaving me alone" WHICH IS WORD FOR WORD THE SAME EXACT THING THAT ELISABETH SAID TO FJ WHEN HE SAID THAT HIS MOTHER WAS RIGHT AND ELISABETH SHOULDN'T RESIST

And then Rudolf went and killed himself.

And it's bugging me how tragically beautifully it was shown that they were so similar, but Rudolf was living in times when the world was supposed to end because it was right before ww1 and the entire society as they knew it was about to collapse. So Elisabeth only wanted to free herself from the court and her mother-in-law and her empress chores and such, but Rudolf was lowkey carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and no one wanted to help him. And Elisabeth was expecting him to man up and fight for himself (because ofc if she could do it, then why can't he?). But Rudolf was in a situation she was too selfish to understand, because she had completely different values.

And... that's not the direction I originally wanted this rant to go in, but doesn't that remind you of now? And of the older generations being like "yall young ppl just have ADHD and autism nowadays and other weird stuff that we didn't have. You are all 'depressed' and you don't want to work or have kids. Back in our day-" and like they don't see that we live in a world where politics is shitty, economy is shitty and the task of stopping the climate change was left to us, even tho we weren't the ones who caused it. Their main goal was to make a living in a world that didn't care about them. Our goal is to care about the world that doesn't even want us to make a living!

Anyways it's kinda weird that Elisabeth was written in the 90s, when nobody knew about the shit that would be happening 30 years later and I still found the way to find this relation...

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[askanautistic]

(1/2) One of my special interests is a 1960s cartoon that is a huge mess in every possible way (repetitive, mediocre animation, etc). It makes me happy but it still embarrasses me too much to talk about it with most people. Although the obscurity and lack of content made me really desperate, my biggest barrier is the fact that it is the fact that it's very politically incorrect by today's standards. I'm fully aware of it and I'm critical of all of my interests but I'm more worried about people

(2/2) taking it the wrong way and being uncomfortable. I also really want the DVD set with the full series except I'm too embarrassed to ask for it. On a more positive note, I have an idea for a fanfic where I will turn it into a serious thing. It will address all of the issues, and I have a very genius way on how I will reframe canon. I am also writing one of the main characters as (undiagnosed) autistic, and although I don't have a plot yet I do know it will center around him.

I'm not really sure what you're asking? Are you just hoping for some support, or reassurance? An opinion? Realistically very few things are morally perfect because no person is morally perfect. And society's attitudes and expectations towards things change over time. The most acceptable terminology can change. So even things that seem 'good' now might not be viewed as being quite as 'good' in the future. There are lots of things that age poorly based on people becoming more educated over time.

It often becomes a case of weighing everything up:

thinking about why we enjoy something or what parts of something we enjoy. Is it just nostalgic, is it certain characters, or is it the problematic content itself (which would probably be a bit of an issue and might suggest that it might be an unhealthy interest)?

thinking about how we're engaging and whether the way we engage is harmful. Watching a show in private vs watching it openly where people might be uncomfortable or uncertain of your opinions on the negative aspects of that particular media? Watching a pre-owned DVD, or adding to ratings by watching on TV/buying a ticket to see something.

Is the creator (still) problematic (or, if they are dead, did they learn and grow and change before they passed)? People can be ignorant, can make mistakes, and can then learn from those mistakes and grow and do better. I'm not interested in cancelling someone who posted something horrible on their Twitter account 12 years ago but have since matured/worked to improve and no longer hold those views. If that person had included something problematic in a novel or song they wrote, I'd probably be able to overlook it if they'd recognised they were wrong, apologised and made effort to make up for it and to do better in future.

Is the creator still alive? (Does death of the author apply?) So if you buy or are bought the boxset, will that benefit the creator of the show? Roald Dahl is a dead raging antisemite and Kanye West is a living raging antisemite. As a Jewish person, I wouldn't be as uncomfortable seeing someone openly reading one of Dahl's book on a train as I would hearing someone listening to West's music. I know Dahl isn't benefitting from someone purchasing or reading his book, and I know it's likely that a current reader might not be aware of Dahl's antisemitism. Whereas I'd know West is benefitting from a listener's support, and that his antisemitism is so public it's unlikely that someone listening to him isn't aware of it. [I wonder whether 'death of the author' will apply less in the future with so many current creators and celebrities being platformed so prolifically on social media/the internet in general.]

weighing up the issues vs the good. Is this media generally just awful, or are there positives? How offensive or problematic are the negative bits? Mild enough it can be overlooked or criticised without having to throw out the entire show, or strong/vile enough that there's no redemption possible?

the intent of the creator (ignorance that can be rectified, or intentional harm?), and the impact it had on audiences at the time and what the impact would be on audiences now. OR was it satire? Sometimes content that seems bigoted is poking fun at the bigots, but people misconstrue the content or cannot reconcile their discomfort with the intention (perhaps the bigotry is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable).

whether your engagement with something you have deemed to be problematic can be used for good. People often engage with outdated and problematic media to educate themselves, to understand the argument or point of view, to learn about social climate or to understand the creator, to be better able to debate with people who support the content, to write informative reviews or critiques, to educate. So consumption isn't always a sign that someone agrees with whatever it is they're consuming. Or it might be research into how to recreate and improve something - like you describing taking the good aspects to create it how you'd like it to be. We can't always ignore outdated media just because it has content that would no longer be acceptable - sweeping it under the rug, so to speak, creates the illusion that there were never issues with things like very open and public displays of racism or sexism in the past. This interest, as much as it brings you joy, could possibly also be used to educate. It can also be useful sometimes to point out media that was more progressive around the same time as problematic media, to show that it's not just a sign of the times, or excusable.

Thinking about these things might make you feel more confident in asking for the boxset, if you still want it, and feeling able to explain to people why you're interested in it and making it clear you recognise there are issues with it.

If you find any of my posts helpful please consider leaving me a tip.

[charlie-ver]

Sirens (:

disclaimer under the cut-off in case someone wants to be the person to say "OH THIS PISSES ME OFF YOU PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A SIREN IS"

Please note that making my sirens "fish" was a decision based upon the fact that I have cryptids and creatures with feathers & wings already heavily present in my characters' universes, but no sea-related ones. Also if you want to argue about "original", Homer did not describe Sirens in the Odyssey. I am also aware that Sirens are alluded to not actually eat people, and do not create illusions but lure men with their song only. So you don't have to tell me how wrong I am for my depiction, this was a deliberate decision on my part.

I could be wrong, but while the bird body & maiden's head was a depiction later on, I believe that came from Ovid, and not Homer. The fish-people then was when Christians took over the myths if I have the correct information, and that's what we have today.

So just in case you are itching to tell me that I am uneducated or stupid, yes, I know, and I don't care, fish-people simply fit better and that's what the common man will think of anyway. Yes, I was influenced by Epic, but these Sirens tie into lore-related plots where one of the main characters sails the sea in order to retrieve his partner. Making a sea creature was a pretty convenient thing, and why not a Siren. I like designing merfolk in general. The lore here would really be that someone calls them Sirens *due* to the mistake myth, but it catches on, so nobody else bothers to change the terminology. This does happen in real life (: We people do this.

[shame-is-a-wasted-emotion]

OK I think I have to talk about this to someone.

You guys might have seen me "joking" around that I have undiagnosed ADHD. For those of you who are not aware of it, ADHD refers to Attention Deficit and Hyperactive Disorder. It's a neurodivergent condition which is usually diagnosed at early childhood or generally in childhood when parents or teachers or anyone notices. Undiagnosed conditions can lead to difficulty in adulthood. And adults still can get diagnosed with that.

So I'm going to try to explain what I'm going through and I hope someone who is diagnosed with ADHD can say if my points are valid.

I don't come under hyperactive side of ADHD though my mind is always restless and thinks of thousand things. Imagine going through a panic situation or you are searching for something seriously, and at the same time, "What is this feeling" run in your mind. Oh it's not just one song, my mind is more of a jukebox/DJ mixer

I forget much of things (I'm typing this now cause I just forgot once What to type). It may be the smallest things from a simple command to big things. Once I misplaced my drivers license in my room and found it after a year. I forget immediately after I place an object somewhere. Or any command. If you think that I act out of being a rebel, I forget my things too (I almost forgot about the secret Santa writing).

Ive always been a silent kid. I never open my mouth. But I'm realizing in recent times that I am more of an impulsive person. I talk shit and I apologise. I just angry so much and I burst out. Or I cry and breakdown. I couldn't control my emotions whatsoever. Yesterday, I actually was anxious the whole day and I had to keep myself in my room. My parents think that I'm being a rebel and an asshole and disrespecting them. They don't realize that I'm pushing myself everyday to do things and I actually need help.

I am not attentive most of the times. I do things under pressure. I couldn't be organized anyway. If you see my room, you would run off. My clothes are never folded. I just keep them randomly ,with so much of wrinkle. I'm really suffering with studying and other things and I actually cried out today cause I passed my internals in a subject and I don't have to write it again. Also I have major issues of not attending classes if I feel so down.

I feel so depressed and it's always in episodes. I'm always exhausted and in pain (my backache and mind ache). I really want to feel energetic and bloomy for the day. Especially me being a medical student is a big bane.

I couldn't "change" myself for better. My parents are saying that I'm getting rotten and spoiled and I'm behaving badly. They have to keep reminding things and I get pissed off at certain times cause I don't have good relationship with parents. Let's just say that I am being silent with the whole purpose of preserving their purpose till I get independent financially and I finally hit them with reality check.

I always feel unmotivated and people actually wonder if I'm crazy for saying that I need motivation to watch movies, series and books for leisure. I watch very selected media and many a times I just leav them hanging in the middle cause I forgot or I not interested in general.

I have very low self confidence and my parents are not helping with it. They just keep making it worse and I actually don't care about my clothing choice , hair or any other normal things. I just feel like a zombie or a mannequin.

I couldn't maintain relationship with anybody . No body finds me appealing and in 5 minutes, they quit conversations. I have no friends, no love, no relationships and I am distant from my parents. It won't be long to see my parents leaving on my own sooner. I don't have a raging social life and I always confine myself to my room,

I guess covered much although I know I've forgotten a few things. Does anybody relate to these? I'm living in India and I'm broke as fuck. I can't even get diagnosed and treated or helped without my parents knowing about it. I really want to improve and I don't want to end up killing myself. I want to live a happy life and I know I have a purpose for my life. Someone help me , please. Also help me reblog this to much people and help me reach to right people.

[crimsonshadesblog]

Something fun I've been rolling around in my head today is how much exactly Sieten't hates Orologia.

Does he blame them for everything that went wrong in his life? Is he upset that they went to such lengths to ensure a timeline where their favorite person the Singularity happens to be doing well? Is he holding grudges for the people who were sacrified on the altar of the golden timeline, on the suffering that was deemed necessary in order to facilitate the wedge's wishes?

The wedge who is anything but infallible.

The wedge who is painfully aware of the blood on their hands and feels horrible about the choices they made, but had to make for the sake of extending the lifespan of the world.

I wonder how much of his situation he ended up blaming on them, even if those things weren't their fault. Or if he had accepted his life being the way it was until he found out about Seofon, whose life had taken turns for the better. Who was given opportunities that Sieten't had never had, who was allowed to become what he never could. Who is allowed to exist while Sieten'ts timeline was purged and locked in the boundary.

Do you think he'd go after them if he got the opportunity to, to claim revenge? Would he at least claim he's doing it for all the simulated timelines they carelessly tossed aside because they didn't give them the results they were hoping for? Or would he be open about being spiteful and vengeous? Would he want to reclaim his place in the timeline by usurping Seofon's or is he just out to burn everyone else's chance at a happy life because he was denied his? Because he has spent so long convincing himself that he doesn't need other people and all he wants to do is reset the world to fix all its wrongs?

It made me think about Mephiles, a boss in Shadow Generations, who was the big bad of Sonic 06 and that game basically retconned itself out of existence in the end, leaving Mephiles to never have existed. He seems aware of this in SxS Generations, because when he's beaten in the end he says, begs "I want to exist" before being denied that fervent plea. Even if he would have used whatever chance were given to him to bring about suffering, the heartfeltness of that desperation got to me.

...I've also been listening to Hell To Your Doorstep while pondering this, so of course I've been gravitating more towards Sieten't burning with an incandescent rage and overcome by the desire to murder Orologia especially, the second he gets his hands on them. Fancying himself the avenger of all those lives and happy moments that were sacrificed to get the present moment when really, he's just upset about having been denied himself. Even if his timeline was doomed anyway. It's always so much easier to have a convenient scapegoat ready, after all.

There's a bunch of the lyrics of the song that work with this scenario, including the ones alluding to his god complex.

Another great song for this scenario, that also happens to start with the word Hell is Hell's Coming With Me, which also works. Especially the best part, I am the righteous hand of God/ And I am the devil that you forgot. If you serve the Boundary God, or at least pretend to, are you not the hand of God, indeed? Can you not picture Sieten't approaching Orologia and taking off his hood and they experience horrors untold when they recognize a version of the man they worked so hard to reduce the threat level of? The version of him they had hoped never to see again after watching him slaughter their brethren in cold blood? Someone who was banished to the boundary and managed to come back?

I just think that would be cool.

[mybabydenkikaminari]

Nine People I'd Like To Get to Know Better

Tagged by: @agayprince (Thanks for tagging me, this was fun :D)

Last song: Habit from Sekai no Owari

Favourite Colour: Purple in all her variants

Last movie/TV show:

Luca: I love my gay fish as much as the next one, and considering that they became canonically gay like 3 days ago I wanted to rewatch my babes fall in love again <3

Little Witch Academia: And I freaking fucking love it!!!! The old lesbian vibes from Chariot and Croix were amazing, and in general, I love a good soft anime that fills me with joy and happiness

Last Book: Tampoco pido tanto de Megan Maxwell: And honestly I like it a lot, less than “A que estas esperando?” another book that is related to this one (by the way I read it in the wrong order, but it is what it is). Anyway it was a good read, nothing life-changing but very entreating, spicy, and fun, but be aware that this woman writes the best stories in the worst style possible (and I mean it, it's so frustrating, but the stories are worth it - most of the time at least - DON’T READ “BIENVENIDA AL CLUB CABRONAS SIN FRONTERAS”, the main protagonist is the worst and is really not worth it)

Sweet/spicy/savoury? I like all of them

Relationship status: Dating my beloved BF

Last thing I googled: Lucas OT, because my friend showed me Gala 5 from OT 2023 (if you don’t what it is, it’s a singing contest very famous in Spain that now is being held on Amazon Prime. There are like 16 people, most of the time similar in age, and they are isolated from the world for the duration of the contest or when they are being eliminated. The thing is that they are being watched by cameras all the time and every day they practice or do a masterclass and every Monday they perform and someone is sent home until there is one left. For me, the most international thing somewhat similar is RuPaul's Drag Race, but most of the time it's have been very heteronormative). I never had any interest in it BUT this year has turned out to be the lesbians and gays year and what can I say? It’s juicy to not get into it (I have the feeling that I will get it over soon but not sure) and I'm rooting for the relationship between Jaunjo and Martin because they are too cute together. 

Current obsession:  I have to main obsession which I burn too fast - you know ADHD live - but at the date of today I have regained my obsession for my beloved babe fish, aka Luca I have my new obsession with OT and I’m still somewhat invested in Little Witch Academia, but I’m losing interest every day. Also, these last few days I have regained my obsession for Han and Gisele from Fast and Furious (it’s a long story that I will get into another day) and Damianya because my babies. BUT I have been thinking a lot about Jess Mariano (Gilmore Girls) and writing an essay about why he is the best and I am going to dive deep into my Kamijirou (Denki Kaminari and Kyoka Jirou from Boku No Hero Academia - yes the Tumblr name comes from there) rabbit hole as every January since 2021 (it may have been instigated by my mom’s boyfriend gifting me the figures of both of them)

Tag Nine People: @clarixeon @sidsinning @spatziline @class1akids @thel0llip0p @lllluka @fangirlamongstotherthings @habken @frava8

(Feel free to answer or not, you choose)

[linaket]

Monthly Writing Update (February)

A slow January led to... a crazy quick February. I can't even believe its over, and I definitely dragged in my writing this month. Honestly, even sitting here all I have is a vague sense of what even happened this month.

I was promoted at work right at the beginning of the month, and spent a lot of time stressing over the drama and dynamics around that change this month. It even changed my shift schedule. I was working four days a week, ten hour shifts, and able to set aside an entire day for writing a week. My new position doesn't allow for that schedule, but while this is the first week in about two years that I'm back to working 5 days a week (and... six in a row on the first week) I spent most of my days off this month once again getting the house in order, and just being a general nervous mess about things...

Books Read

Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee

Jade City and Jade War by Fonda Lee (guess it was a Fonda kinda month?)

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

Four books at least meets the minimum of my (kinda unofficial) reading goal, even though I was pretty lucky this was a leap month because I only just finished Jade War today.

While I'm quite enjoying the Green Bone Saga, I've found something about it doesn't connect with me on a personal level, as a reader. Perhaps it is the POV that it is written in, but I am not getting the emotional connection that I often crave with books that truly sit with me. I'm absolutely going to finish it, and recommend it for anyone who wants to write epic fantasy. But I do think every book can teach a writer something new, and what I've been learning from this one is that I want to be more aware of the emotional stakes of my characters, and making that aspect more active in the narrative.

That being said, Untethered Sky? knocked it out of the park. Likely due in part to it being a novella, so everything was far more condensed. But 12/10 either way.

Writing Accomplishments

Honestly I am fighting the failure feeling just trying to type up this paragraph... basically, I tried to work on the extra for Shadow's Prey but ended up dropping it. I will likely still be aiming to release the ebook, but it will probably just be a very quiet release. It's mostly done and edited, but I don't think I'll be able to include an extra like originally intended. I started working on something, and MT kept singing its siren song and distracting me.

Also, I got art of the boys now! I'm excited to share it, and make some fun things for them.

That said, I did at least manage to finish something...

Favorite Excerpt

Valor told himself that it was better, that Ruse’s consistent prattling and teasing was an irritating distraction. But he couldn’t stop looking over at him. Though Ruse squinted against the brightness of the sun, the gaudy sunglasses hung on the collar of his shirt, stretching the already worn fabric. The bruises on his neck from the confrontation in Petra had faded over the last few days, gone from deep purple to a mottled yellow along the pale column of his throat. It was better that Ruse had gotten quiet. Better that he kept his gaze away, that he wouldn’t look at Valor. Every minute, every moment that Ruse didn’t look at him, didn’t focus his depthless attention on Valor, didn’t say anything, didn’t make a sound, was better because it meant that Valor didn’t have to think about what his hair would feel like between his fingers, what his throat would taste like under his lips. He could ignore the fact that he wanted to drown in Ruse, press his mouth against him and never come up for air. Valor tightened his grip on the steering wheel and went over the plan. Take Ruse into the Graves, retrieve the part for Jarl Nero’s scryer, and trade for information on the location of Noble Marek.  Then he’d find his father, and he’d kill his father. 

On Loop

Abe Parker - it is what it is

You're walking on the water that I'm drowning in Thought I heard a whisper, was it just the wind again Or the trail of blood I'm following? And if I'm the one to blame I guess all that I could say It is, it is, it is what it is All the things I couldn't change I lay with someone else's sins Let my soul just fly away All the way up to Heaven's light I pound those gates with no reply

Final Thoughts

I wish I had done more, and I also wish I could stop being hard on myself about this. It's no good. I am not nearly as hard on myself for not doing what I thought I should as I used to, but that's something really hard to shake, even if it doesn't help anything.

That said, it was a bit of a tough and strange month for me. I felt like I was dragging myself through each day, even dragging myself through reading. And while I did manage to at least finish some writing, I simply did not have the energy for anything more.

Hoping that I get used to this new schedule quickly. My work days feel much shorter now, since I'm used to the longer ones, and I've had more energy after. Also the position I took, while it was a promotion, is less stressful than the one I've been working. At least, so far. We'll see how the month shapes up. I am always far more productive, writing and other things wise, when I'm not carrying the work stress around, so. I'm hoping for the best here.

March Goals

Read 4 books again, and I've got a pretty good idea of what they'll be and excited about it, so at least I won't get struck by some kind of decision paralysis with that.

Release Shadow's Prey: Act 1 ebook! Yeah, it's still on goal for next month, despite that I wish I had it completely ready now. Really, its just final touches and me figuring out some of the technical details that need to be done. And like I said before, it'll probably be a very quiet release. I'll probably make a few posts about it after its up, but mostly its just to get it out there. I'm not really promoting the heck out of this one because, well... it's already tested with audiences. Probably the wrong audience, but it has been tested and it was difficult to get interest/attention, which is a fault of mine. I am NOT GREAT at marketing. And while I'm very happy with and proud of it, I know the work I'll have to do to really draw an audience to it. Especially considering the... not good at marketing thing. I have been researching and keeping an eye out for ideas and being practical about what it takes and what to do, but the task itself takes a lot of energy from me and I simply can't do that in time for a release. But I'm tired of simply sitting on all these books and doing nothing with them.

For Mortal Teeth, I need to finish the next arc. It's actually only two more chapters. This is a bit of a low goal, but I want to make sure I set something that I know I can do without feeling awful. Especially since these were supposed to be done last month.

Maybe a stretch goal of releasing character intros/aesthetics for the MT boys?

[sesshy380]

No official wordcount today. Instead you get new chapter of TKB 2nd chance! I feel it's the least I can do to commemorate the One Year passing of our beloved fandom creator, Kazuki Takahashi. Without his imagination, fics like mine wouldn't exist.

I have drifted away from the prior title I came up with. It was good, but just didn't feel like it related enough to this particular story. New title that I feel fits far better. It's a line from 'Scars' by Papa Roach. The song in general fits the tone of several characters in the story.

Also, I am going to bump the rating to Mature+, mainly for language and possible content. If I make it to the end and feel that I managed to keep things within the realm of Teen+, then I'll drop it back down. I just know how I can get sometimes when it comes to describing things.

New Title: Our Scars remind Us that the Past was Real

Rating: Mature+

Chapter Warnings: Mild descriptives of burn trauma/scarring (and how it was treated), Malik acting very YGOTAS (not so much a warning, but a heads-up so no one yells at me for playing off that scene...you know the one)

Summary: Imagine waking up, and everyone is trying to convince you that the things you 'remember' never happened, and that those 'memories' exist only in YOUR head. The Thief King doesn't have to imagine...because that's exactly what happened. -or- The Thief King get's a second chance at life (Yay! I came up with a summary! Still a WiP, but it works for the time being.)

Wordcount: 1653

Chapter 3 below the cut!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 3: Scars ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bakhure gave an impressed whistle to his surroundings.

“We’re fucking loaded, aren’t we?” he asked as Atem led them through the halls of their manor.

“Better off than most,” Atem replied casually.

“Pha-...Atem…I think ‘better off than most’ is an understatement.”

Calling the Pharaoh by name was weird.

“Perhaps you’re right,” Atem commented as he took a closer look at the decor. “I know both Ryou and Ren looked surprised the first time they came here.”

Bakhure shuddered at the mentioning of ‘Ren’. Whether it was because of his own twisted recollection, or something else entirely, he knew ‘Ren’ was someone he didn’t like.

“Question? If I have this issue with ‘forgetting’, why am I attending school? Seems counterproductive to send me to a place where the whole point is to remember stuff.”

“For starters, it’s what you wanted. Your therapist thought perhaps it would help. Think of it as a focus of sorts. The University staff is aware of your condition, so they cut you a lot of slack.”

“Uni-...I’M IN COLLEGE??!?!?!”

Atem nodded his head.

“How the fuck did I get into college??!?”

“Like I said, we’re better off than most,” Atem replied with a small smirk. “Plus there was something about ‘helping with diversity rating’.”

“I bet they’re loving the fact that I’m both handicapped and a minority,” Bakhure grumbled.

Atem failed to suppress a small chuckle as he stopped beside a door.

“Time to say ‘hello’ to the twins, Malik and Amir.”

He opened the door, where Amir sat leaning back in a chair with his feet propped up on a table. Next to him, arms folded across his chest, stood Malik. They appeared to be in the middle of some sort of argument that had been interrupted by Bakhure and Atem stepping into the room.

Malik glared at Bakhure. “Before you say anything: ‘yes’ I’m a boy, ‘no’ I'm not gay, ‘yes’ I’m sure.” He pointed sharply to Amir. “He’s the gay one. Not me.”

‘GAY’ Amir mouthed while poking a subtle finger in Malik’s direction.

“I saw that!” Malik shouted while rounding on Amir, fist pulled back in preparation to strike.

“You’re not?” Bakhure questioned, feigning disappointment. “So that steamy make-out session didn't really happen?”

Malik’s gaze slowly turned back towards him, eye twitching. “No. It didn't.”

Bakhure had to fight hard to suppress the grin that wanted to form. He'd made that part up, but based on Malik’s reaction, it had. He was going to have a lot of fun with that bit of info.

“Oh, sorry. Gets a little jumbled in here,” he said while tapping a finger on the side of his head.

“Yes. It does,” Malik replied through gritted teeth.

“So, from what I’ve gathered Amir is security or something…but what about you?” Bakhure questioned, gesturing a finger towards Malik as he tried to piece things together. 

“I’m just extremely annoyed at having to go through this bullshit on a near-weekly basis,” Malik stated in a blunt manner.

“The Ishtar family has always worked closely alongside ours in one way or another,” Atem explained, subtly glaring at Malik.

Malik scoffed. “That's the polite way of saying 'we work for you'...meaning I do shit to make your life easier. Honestly, that’s all you need to know about me.”

The smallest hint of a smirk formed on Bakhure’s face. "Wow, you seem to have a lot of pent up anger. Maybe you should see someone about it," he teased. "They can probably help with your closet situation too."

Malik puffed up, taking offense to the jest. "I don't need to see some quack like you do! And I don't need fashion advice!"

Atem covered his face while letting out an exasperated sigh. “Every. Single. Time.” He lowered his hand while releasing another heavy sigh. “Could you please refrain from antagonizing Malik?”

Bakhure revealed the grin that he’d kept hidden. “Sorry. It’s just too easy. He’s exactly the person I remember. Maybe next time I ‘forget’, you should send him in first.”

“Why? So you can bury your fist in my face again? I don’t think so,” Malik replied bitterly. “Amir can have that pleasure.”

Bakhure opened his mouth to retort when a very tense Atem grabbed him by the shoulders and directed him towards the door. “I think that’s enough re-introduction. Let’s go find Rishid.”

Once they were back in the main hall, and the door closed behind them, Atem relaxed. As before, he motioned for Bakhure to follow.

“For the duration of your current ability to remember, I am begging you, do not antagonize Malik. His mood towards you has been extremely sour these past few months."

“For someone that works for us, I’m surprised you let him speak to me like that.”

“Like you, Malik has some special circumstances that allow him a reprieve on his behavior,” Atem explained.

“You mean with how he’s obviously so far in the closet he’s become a Queen of Narnia?”

Atem shook his head, obviously trying to hide his amusement of Bakhure’s phrasing. “I'm not familiar with that reference, but I get the idea of its meaning. You must understand that it’s not something that is approved of back home. If he chooses to deny it, that is on him. Personally, I could care less about another person's romantic preferences. It harms me none."

“So then what are his ‘special circumstances’?” Bakhure questioned.

“You weren’t the only one who was badly injured in the attack. Malik got trapped beneath burning debris and was flown to the same hospital as you. He had to endure having skin permanently grafted across his back, and had to go through months of physical therapy just to be able to move without being in immense pain. That reminds me, under no circumstances are you to ever touch his back. And do not ask to see it. Do I make myself clear?”

The seriousness of Atem’s tone told Bakhure that this was something he shouldn’t press his luck with. “Like crystal,” he replied.

“Good. Here’s the kitchen. Hopefully Rishid is in a decent mood.”

Atem pushed the door aside to reveal a mostly bald man with a ponytail. He appeared to be busy stirring whatever was on the stove as he peeked an eye back towards his guests. The disfigurement that ran down the left side of his face gave Bakhure an idea on how his mind had conjured up Rishid’s brands. Seeing the scarring, he imagined Malik’s own ‘brand’ was probably even worse in appearance.

“I see it’s that time again,” Rishid stated in a casual manner.

Atem nodded. “Unfortunately. Though this time he is familiar with faces and names…for the most part.”

Rishid gave a slight nod of understanding. “That’s a good thing.” He returned his focus to the task before him.

“Is fattah still on the menu?” Atem questioned.

“I managed to obtain some fresh cuts from the local butcher this morning. Seems a shame to let quality ingredients sit because of something no one has any control over,” Rishid replied.

Bakhure leaned close to Atem to privately ask him a question. “I keep drawing a blank. What’s ‘fattah’?”

“Spiced lamb, or sometimes beef, along with vegetables that are boiled. It’s then served over rice and toasted pita, along with a garlicky tomato sauce. It’s your favorite,” Atem replied back quietly.

“I believe it. That description alone sounds right up my alley,” Bakhure commented.

“Rishid is an amazing cook and he puts a lot of thought into each meal. He even takes the time to prepare meatless alternatives for Isis and Malik.”

“Your compliments are flattering,” Rishid stated in an amused tone, having obviously overheard the not-so-quiet conversation. “I’ve had to go through a lot of trial and error to get this good.”

Atem chuckled lightly. “Yes, you very much have. I still remember your cooking from when we first arrived here. It was…edible at best.”

“He hasn’t always been a chef?” Bakhure questioned.

Atem shook his head. “Rishid used to work alongside Mahad. Like you and Malik, he was also injured, though not nearly as badly. He sustained minor burns to the left side of his face, but his vision on that side became impaired. He retired from security and became our chef instead. Honestly, Mahad was more than enough at the time, so it helped Rishid to feel useful. Then you came out of your coma. It wasn’t so bad at first, as you weren’t entirely ‘present’. It’s when your mind started becoming more and more active that I felt it was necessary to have a second security member again. Rishid suggested Amir, who was more than happy to take on his step-brother’s former role.”

“Damn. Does everyone in this house have a sad tale? I’m almost afraid to ask what tragic backstory Isis has…or anyone else I haven’t met for that matter,” Bakhure stated.

“Isis is all that’s left for re-introduction, other than Mahad.”

Bakhure counted on his fingers as he mentally listed off everyone. “Seven? There’s just seven people in this whole manor?”

Atem lowered his gaze to the floor. “...yes…”

“Are the rest just stuck back in Egypt or something?”

“...or something…” Atem quietly choked.

Dawning realization flooded over Bakhure. “...oh…”

A part of him hoped there wouldn’t be any more parallels than what he’d already come across, but it seemed that the more he learned, the more he encountered. At the moment, he wasn’t entirely certain which ‘reality’ was real: This one, or the one he remembered. The one he remembered was one he most definitely wished he could forget…but this one wasn’t looking too promising either. It was hard to decide which he preferred at the moment.

“Can I-...Can I go back to my room now. My head’s starting to hurt again,” he lied.

Atem nodded, saying nothing as he motioned for Bakhure to exit the kitchen ahead of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prologue, Ch1, 2

[rayless-reblogs]

Nine People Tag

Thanks so much for the tag @iffylogic

Last Song:

I'm listening to music right now, "Northern Lad" by Tori Amos. I was aware of Tori for a long time, but only really got into her around 2012ish. My interest can come and go in waves, but right now I'm really into her again. "Northern Lad" is a gorgeous and heartbreaking song, though, given the lyrics, not something you'd slow dance to at a wedding. At least, most weddings.

Last Movie:

I'm feeling really nostalgic lately, so I've been rewatching the 1980s BBC adaptations of the first four Narnia books. They hit this perfect note of being extremely earnest and wholesome and endlessly generous when it comes to making fun of them. The Disney movies are better as far as production goes, but not nearly as fun.

Currently Watching:

Maybe I should've saved the Narnias for this question. I'll switch in what I'm currently playing: The Caligula Effect II. The first one is something of a dark horse for me, so I'm curious to see how this one goes.

Currently Reading:

On my last vacation, I hit an antique store that was so desperate to get rid of its 1970s Harlequin paperbacks they were being sold for fifty cents each. I am easy prey for a) vintage romance novels and b) a deal, so I came away with eight. The Midnight Sun by Katrina Britt is the first one I've opened. Lovely but tragically scared Sabina has gone away with her new husband to a remote manor in Finland. How can he truly love her with her scar? Does he actually love a local college student with a bad attitude? What about the handsome plastic surgeon who's determined to save her from her hideousness? Will Sabina eat lots of Finnish cheese and rice pastries, because that sounds delicious. Whether there's any more plot than that, I can't tell you yet.

Currently Craving:

I'd been wanting some Cadbury hot chocolate, and despite the scorching weather, I had some today. So that makes me happy.

Last Thing I Searched for Writing:

Oh, I have no idea. Things I've recently searched (for different projects) include ancient Roman methods for treating asthma, the definition of "blowzy", and typically Dutch foods.

Three Ships:

My interest has been holding pretty steady on RedBoxer (Transistor), AschNatalia (Tales of the Abyss), and ArcherHakuno (Fate/Extra) for a while now. Though thinking about The Caligula Effect has reminded me that I liked LucidShogo for a hot minute in 2020, and I'm still sad there's so little content for it.

Tagging:

If you'd like to do this, consider yourself tagged! But I'll call out specifically: @deemoyza @pandor-pandorkful @peachyindeed @bibliophileemily @assortedpencils @vangrants @caffeinatedpoltergeist @somacruising and @sweet-suzume

No pressure of course!

[pbandjesse]

I had a really nice day today. I feel really happy right now. Maybe a little anxious but it's in the background. Mostly I feel happy. And I feel Sylvia's cold little feet touching my leg. My little connection to the world.

Last night was good. I worked on my paper point and tried to make it look pretty. James has gone over it with me and had some feedback. I felt really motivated.

I read some of my book. We're at a part that is just really grim. The whole books been white trash American from dark but this specific section has been a lot. I don't see it getting better.

I would do the dishes and put some stuff away in the baby room and the guest room. Just really enjoying puttering around the house.

Once I was tired I got Sylvie's next bottle and went to lay down. She would wake me up when she was hungry. And this time it was around 1am. I fed her and then went to sleep.

I had pretty intense dreams but mostly I just slept soundly.

When I woke up I was moving slow. The sun had been to bright in my face and I could tell it was warm outside already.

I got cleaned up and got dressed. Wore the lightest thing I could think of. And I was just really happy to see James and Sylvia. They were playing on the couch. They had read a book and were just smiling and playing together. It was very sweet.

I let Sweetp and Crabcake into the backyard. And started poking around starting the house planning out my cleaning tasks. James was getting ready to for for a couple hours bike ride. I tried to get Sylvia to lay on the playpen but she only wanted to be in her bouncer chair. Fair enough. She likes to be up and aware of what's going on. She likes to watch the world.

While James was gone I would spend time cleaning. Vacuuming and doing the surfaces. Just trying to make the house and and clean. I got some spider webs cleaned up.

Sylvia would fall asleep for a little while. And I finished cleaning. And once she woke up I brought her to the studio and we played in the ground for a while. Practicing sitting up. Singing a song. It was fun

I set Sylvia back up in her chair and I laid in the studio couch and rocked/bounced her. And rested my body.

James would come home when we had moved to the living room couch. They would get cleaned up before coming over to hang out. We had a little lunch. And spent some time just chilling.

But soon James would take over primary baby watching so I could go work in the studio. I was full of inspiration for the picture of the bugs dancing around the flowers I reblogged earlier. So I decided I would try my hand at applique quilting.

I spent a good hour drawing it out and cutting all the pieces. I was listening to a podcast and just having a really good time.

I sent a picture to Jess and we discussed our very different approaches to quilting and sewing as hobby in general. How I am a very much move fast and break things kind of maker and Jess is a learning everything before starting perfectionist. Which sometimes leads her to not actually make things. Which then leads to some feelings on her end that we talked through. I am aware of her feelings and it was good to discuss our approach.

I decided I was going to try glue basting for my very small pieces. But I do not currently have any washable glue so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Not a big deal.

While I was sitting and working on my cuttings we got word that there was white smoke at the Vatican. There was a new Pope! Me and James were both live streaming it and we were surprised it was neither of the people we had guessed. The new Pope is American! And he has a kind face. I hope he is kind.

It was fun being excited about this even if I don't really love organized religion. It is still a piece of history.

I went upstairs for a little. I was fixing some stress lights that had fallen and just laying down for a little. Watching TikToks. When I got one about a local trail that isn't hard and has a boardwalk path. And I love a boardwalk path.

I sent it to James and said we should go. And James said let's go right now! We would arrive at the beginning of Sylvia's next bottle. So it was perfect.

I put on sunscreen and we got Sylvia a hat. Though she wouldn't really need it. James put together some trail mix and we put everything in their backpack. And we were off.

It was about a half hour away in Ellicott City. Track #9. An old trolley track that is no more. And I was excited.

James would carry Sylvia and feed her. And once she was done eating I took her in the rainbow sling and we looked at nature until she fell asleep. The rock formations were beautiful. And there were some excellent mushrooms. There was also water!

Some kids had gone down to the water off the trail to jump on some rocks. Their mom's were watching from the trail. And they found a rat snake! Which then they all felt trapped and were screaming but me and James directed them where to go and told them not to try and move the snake (which was their original plan). And everything for our safe.

It was a really nice walk. I was feeling very happy. Just holding hands with my husband and carrying my baby and smiling at others on the train. It was a good day.

We didn't go in any of the trails that weren't paved. We didn't want to be out that long. So once we got to the next big part of the trail we doubled back to go back to the car. I found more mushrooms on the way back. And Sylvia woke up for a little bit so we could show her more nature.

Once we got back to the car James drove us to the grocery store. We didn't need much, but a few things for dinner. We also got Sylvia more formula. And we were off.

It was rush hour though and we had to drive downtown so it took almost 45 minutes to get home. We put on a podcast and just tried to enjoy the time together. Even if sitting in traffic sucks.

When we got home there was stuff to put away and some chores to be done. I would take a shower. And James would make pasta for dinner. Sylvia got upset again. It seems like the 6-7 hour is here hardest. It's not quite her last bottle before bed. It's not an amazing time to sleep, but she's clearly tired. So it's just a lot of screaming crying.

James took her so I could eat. But when I got her back she wouldn't calm down. James took her back and buried her a bunch and that got her to calm enough to nap.

Which is what she's doing now. It's almost next bottle time though so we will wake her up just to put her back to bed. These things happen. Not a big deal. I still think she'll sleep well tonight.

I hope we all do. Tomorrow is a full day. Going into a full weekend. And then James goes back to work. I'm not going to say we aren't both sad and scared about it. We'll figure it out but it's going to be hard all around.

Sleep well everyone. Have a nice night!