#i am also still being very delusional about the entire rest

[schadenfreudich]

Okay, I have no idea if any of this is like, sane thoughts or I'm just being so very delusional.

Because back in like, August or something, I had a dream and the actual dream was very non-specific. There was this guy and he intensely stared at me. We were at a train station, though everything was foggy. It didn't even actually look like a train station, there was barely anything that wasn't just gray. And this man didn't say anything, he just looked at me, like he knew me, like he had something to tell me.

When I woke up, it felt so strangely real. It felt like he was a real person, who was trying to find me, like he had something to tell me. And while there was nothing indicating it, there was this instant "he's jewish". Something that has felt so strangely important ever since.

I was fully convinced I would see him in my dream again. But I didn't have a dream that night or any night since then, I rarely actually get dreams. But this feeling didn't go away. It just shifted to other things. He's a real person, he'll introject, he's already a headmate, stuff like that.

And none of those things happened. I didn't want to give him a name for a while because I worried it might make him introject. But I didn't want to refer to him as "the jewish man" for much longer. So we gave him a name, but it didn't feel like just a name, it felt like *his* name, which also didn't help. How could it be *his* name, if he isn't even a person.

And now, thinking about the soul lake and my innate connection to it, I have what feels like a memory and the thought of "what if *Anton* is stuck in the soul lake and needs *my* help?" because apparently know I'm also the guide for new souls or something.

Also I guess I don't feel like having to think about how we deal with headmates who have a wildly different religion. Especially not when the headmate came from a month long delusion. This wouldn't be different if he was christian or most other religions. It might be different if he was a muslim, just because we grew up muslim.

So I'm just kind of trying to avoid going to the soul lake, while I feel so very drawn to it. I must know, but I don't think I should know.

[kryptonitejelly]

art donaldson x childhood friend reader who he hasn’t seen in a long time (whose had a crazy glow up) visits him at stanford at the same time as patrick and patrick starts hitting on her (him and tashi are in an open relationship) and art gets jealous.

(maybe she tells patrick she knows he’s in a relationship and he tells her tashi wouldn’t mind and she would probably be down to join idk)

art donaldson x reader // challengers // fluff; happy ending

a/n: i did not hit the prompt on the head 100%, but i’m not mad at it. this ended up turning into a monster i had no control off and ended up being alot longer than i expected (i haven’t done a word count, and did not mean for it to spiral into this but i enjoyed writing this very much). i am an art donaldson defender and this is my way of giving him everything he deserves (i hope you guys can see what i subtly tried to do in places - please leave comments/reblog if you see them, it would mean the world). also i typed this entirely on my phone without proofreading - you’ve been warned.

edit - as a disclaimer, i do not purport to comment on the victim/villain/any dynamic in the challengers universe. this space is purely for delusional thoughts and fiction only (see also)

-

Good luck.

Art shoots the text off to you before taking a swig out of cup of diet coke he has in hand. He leans forward, his forearms on his knees, teeth crunching on ice cubes as lets his gaze sweep across the court in front of him. It is devoid of players but already has the umpire and linesmen ready and waiting.

You’ll buy dinner if I win?

Art doesn’t expect to get a text back, so he checks his phone absently, but his face breaks into a tiny grin as he sees your reply. Most other players would have been hyper focused in the moments before a match but you, in the breezy light hearted way you always were, still had it in you to joke around.

Yes, but if you lose…

Art sends his response, the tiny grin still on his face.

I’ll feed you.

Your reply is fast and it makes art shake his head lightly a quiet chuckle dropping from his lips. He is just about to type another reply but is interrupted by the loud cheers that erupt from around him. Art looks up from his phone to see Anna Davies walk out on court in the same colour red as he had on. He claps politely with the rest of the men’s team who he was sitting amongst in the stands, in a show of support.

Art catches sight of Tashi and Patrick, both perched a few rows down from him with the rest of the women’s team both clapping and hollering in support. He notices the turn of Patrick’s head, no doubt to check in on Art but he doesn’t tilt his head or smile back in acknowledgement as he usually would - he is far too distracted by you.

Art can feel his jaw slacken slightly as you walk on court. He knows what you look like, but you in the flesh - Art thinks you are breathtaking. Your top is in a shade of your college’s colour, paired with a white tennis skirt that shows off a pair of toned, long legs. He catches a glint of metal just above your ankle, and he finds himself squinting in a feeble attempt to make out the look of the ankle bracelet that you have on. Art moves his gaze your face, taking in what he can see from his perch on the stands as you walk out towards your designated bench on the court, bright neon green bottle in hand, your tennis bag slung on a shoulder.

You had been close back home for most of your childhood and more formative teen years, and the both had kept in touch since he left for Stanford and you to your own school of choice, but too infrequently - the occasional text, more frequent reaction or comment on each other’s social media and the small conversations that spiralled from those interactions - like two planets orbiting in the same solar system, but not close enough. Life had overtaken, the excitement of moving your separate ways to a new environment, of college - tennis, academics, people, parties, it had overwhelmed you both, individually and together - made you just about forget that you had each other.

Art is transfixed. You are, lithe, glowing and with a hop in your step - Art finds himself questioning why he had never made more effort to keep you closer since you had both gone on your separate paths. He watches as you settle your bag on the bench, turning your gaze to the stands, eyes narrowing from the glare of the sun as you search the stands, only for your gaze to fix on his. Art sees you smile, lips turning up as you wink directly at him. It makes a series of heads turn to look back at him - your fellow team mates, the small group of supporters from your college who had come along, and the Stanford women’s team plus Patrick, half curious, half puzzled. Art can only raise a hand beside his chest in greeting as he remembers to breathe, letting the air he had been holding in his chest out.

He sees turn away while reaching for your phone which you had wedged in between the band of your tennis skirt and skin. Your fingers flying over the keypad briefly before you toss the phone into your tennis bag, hand fishing out your racket. Art feels his phone buzz in his hand and he looks down at the text that had come through.

Stanford still hasn’t taught you the right way to wear a cap huh.

Your text, a reference to his penchant for securing his cap on backwards, makes Art laugh, out loud, the sudden sound causing his team mates to crane their necks in attempt to look at his phone. Art swats them away as he refocuses his attention back on you, watching as you do a few hops, shifting your body weight from side to side before walking to your position on court, racket in hand. You lose the coin toss, and Anna choose to serve and yet your demeanour is one of ease, something Art can’t help but think is so stark in contrast to Tashi before a match. You aren’t smiling anymore, and yet in an unexplainable fashion, Art can feel you smiling as you bend to ready position, your hands flipping the handle of the racket around, poised to receive. He sees Anna toss the ball, her back arching, hand shooting up, before she connects her serve, and he watches you receive it with ease, your body moving in a smooth motion as you hit it back. Your strokes have their own weight and intention behind them, they are careful, thought out - but what surprises Art is he sees little calculation behind each. Instead, he watches as you let yourself feel each shot, as you let your instinct take control with each step. Art sees himself moving pieces of chess across the court when he watches replays of his game, but with your game, - Art manages to see colour, life, ease. He sees something he hasn’t seen in his tennis since he had last played with you, Art sees fun.

-

The match isn’t long drawn out, you win - effortlessly, just as each of your strokes and movement are. It frustrates Anna, as is evident from the increasing number of unforced errors she makes on her art which leads to her swearing loudly as you easily hit the last heavy, driving it quick and to the opposite corner of the court from where she is positioned. Art finds himself clapping enthusiastically along with the crowd as the umpire calls the game.

-

“You never told me you had such good looking friends,” Art feels an arm sling itself around his neck, pulling him close as he stands outside the court, waiting for you to finish your match debrief with the rest of the team.

“Shouldn’t you be with Tashi?” Art questions as he tugs himself out and under, away from Patrick’s hold. His eyes remain focused on the door of the tennis court, waiting for you to emerge.

“Some strategy meeting,” Patrick offers as explanation, “refocusing or something like that.”

Art starts to say something in response only to be stopped by the view of you walking out from the courts. You both lock eyes, not too similar from how you had with you on the court and him on the stand. Art thinks that your smile is more brilliant up close.

Neither of you say a word, as you walk up to him, hands reaching up to tug his cap off his head only for you to pop it promptly on your own head, the right way around.

“The right way,” you say in greeting, pointing towards his cap which is now sitting on your head, the Stanford red a confusing contrast to your your top, now a loose fitting tshirt in your college colours, as Art chuckles while running a hand through his hair, attempting to shake out any flatness.

“The red looks good on you.”

“Perhaps I should transfer.”

“Didn’t peg you for a traitor,” Art teases which makes you laugh.

“Do I get a hug,” you ask, both of you oblivious to Patrick who is just watching.

“C’mere,” Art says, his words inviting, but just almost slightly shy as he opens his arms to you. You step into his embrace, arms slipping around his body as Art brings his arms around your shoulders, hands bumping into the tennis bag you have on your shoulders. His embrace is familiar, and you let yourself relax into his hold.

“Could I get a hug?” you hear a different male voice chime in and you pull away to look curiously at the brunette who is standing just beside you both.

“Fuck off Patrick,” you hear Art say with no bite, but notice as he steps just that one inch in front of you in an attempt to place himself as some sort of barrier between you and the brunette.

“Patrick Zweig,” the boy says, ignoring Art as he proffers a hand to you which you shake to be polite while introducing yourself.

“Do you go to Stanford as well?” You take in his attire of jeans and a white tee, the lack of red - you would guess not but it didn’t hurt to ask.

“I’m just visiting,” he says, “I’m actually playing on tour.”

“Losing on tour,” Art corrects.

“Your tennis is insane,” Patrick comments, ignoring Art, “when will I see you on tour?”

“I don’t intend on turning pro,” you respond with the flash of a smile.

“Why?” Patrick continues the conversation, now slightly befuddled, “you’re a natural.”

You shrug with a laugh, not answering and simply brushing off his question.

“Why don’t I take you to dinner and you can tell me why.” Patrick’s statement makes Art roll his eyes.

“Aren’t you taking your girlfriend our for dinner?” Art chips to which Patrick simply shrugs not phased in the slightest and answers with a no.

“Thanks, but I already have a dinner to cash in on,” you offer Patrick a smile, before glancing at Art.

“I’m sure Art wo-”

“Nope, fuck off Patrick,” is what Art says again, not even giving the other man a chance to finish his sentence. It makes you laugh, but you follow as Art grabs your hand, tugging you off in a direction away from Patrick.

“It was nice meeting you Patrick,” you call out, turning your head towards him giving him a wave with your free hand, “good luck on the tour!”

You walk for a minute or two more until the tennis courts are out of range before Art stops. He lets go off your hand, but reaches instead to grasp the top of the tennis bag on your shoulder. You raise a brow questioningly only to have him tug again with a slight tilt of his head. You relinquish the bag to him and he hoists it on his shoulder instead.

“What a gentleman,” you joke, but with a smile on your face.

Art does a mock bow with a flourish of his hand which makes you laugh with a shake of your head.

“Your chariot awaits my lady,” he extends a hand to you, waist still tilted in a bow, but his head up and looking at you.

“Lead the way,” you place your hand on top of his again.

“My car is that way,” he says jerking a thumb towards his right as he intertwines his fingers with yours. Its the second time in the day where he’s holding onto your hand but you don’t think too much of it and neither does Art. It feels right, comforting, familiar and like it’s supposed to be - and you go with it.

-

“Sorry about Patrick,” Art says as he fiddles with the paper casing of the straw. You are both sitting in a booth, plates cleared, your drinks left in front of you. Art is leaning back but being across him you can feel his knees knocking into yours. Dinner had gone by way too fast for Art’s liking. There had been both plenty to catch up on, as well as new information to learn and yet - it had felt like no time had passed between you both.

“He’s a bit of an ass isn’t he,” you say as you lean back, a mirror of Art. Your comment elicits a bark of laughter from him.

“Girls don’t usually say that about him.”

“What do they say?”

“Well not say, but they usually fall at his feet or into his bed,”

“No,” it makes you crinkle your nose while you shake your head.

“His girlfriend Tashi,” Art says, fingers still fiddling with the wrapper, “we played tennis for her number, she chose him.” Art said referencing the tennis match between him and Patrick. His sentence is blunt, to the point, and yet manages to be vulnerable at the same time. Art surprises himself as the words slip out from his lips so easily but it feels easy to tell you, safe to let himself be vulnerable, fine to let you view him for who he truly is.

You both sit in silence for a beat or two, the only sound between you both being the rustle of paper in Art’s fingers.

“Well,” you begin, “if she made you play for her number, maybe its for the better you didn’t win.”

Art’s fingers give pause and he looks up at you. His expression is unreadable, but you don’t feel like you’ve said anything wrong - just the obvious.

“I guess you are right,” he says after a few seconds of silence, before raising his head to look at you. There is a small smile on his face that you can’t quite place.

“When have I been wrong Donaldson?” You challenge in jest as you lift a leg under the table to jostle one of his lightly. Art leans forward, managing to capture one of your legs, your calf in the warmth of his palm.

“You really want me to start?” Art questions as you wriggle your leg in attempt to get away but no no avail.

“No.”

“Let’s see, the time we were six and you thought that the way to get strawberry milk was to dump pink food colouring in normal milk.”

“Stop,” you protest, but with a laugh on your lips.

“Or the time we were ten and you were convinced that the park we passed by on the way home from school was haunted and we had to sprint past that stretch of sidewalk for 3 whole months.”

“It was creepy!”

“How could we forget the one time we were thirteen and you thought that the way babies were made wa-”

“Arthur Donaldson,” you protest, managing to wrestle your leg out of his grasp which has grown looser with each anecdote. It allows you to set your foot on the ground, body shooting up to lean across the table, your palm coming to cover Art’s mouth to prevent him from announcing any further recollections from your youth.

You can feel his breath hot against the palm of your hand as his muffled laugher fills the space of your booth.

“Art,” you huff, relinquishing his full name for his nickname again. You move to drop your hand from his face, but Art catches a hold of your wrist. You sit back down, butt hitting the seat again, but with your hand still stretched across the table, wrist still loosely wrapped in one Art Donaldson’s hand. His shoulders are still shaking, now with a silent laughter.

“Art,” you try again.

“I’m sorry, it’s just so funny,” Art exhales, trying to collect himself as best as he can. He doesn’t remember the last time he laughed like this, freely and with such reckless abandon over something so innocent.

“Your dedicated court jester, always here to serve,” you mock with a roll of your eyes.

“You’ve been derelict in your duties,” Art says, now calm, but his eyes still twinkling under a mop of strawberry blonde hair. He keeps his tone light but what he really means to say is that it has been too long. You chuckle, not really having an answer for him.

“It’s been a while,” you finally admit, both your hands now resting on the table between you, you wrist now lying upturned in Art’s open palm. You had always been close

“It has, hasn’t it,” it isn’t really a question. Art has missed you - something he hasn’t realised until today. He had let himself be distracted by the complex, focused toxicity that was tennis, Patrick and Tashi, letting himself get sucked into the whirlpool, that he had forgotten to hold on to the things that grounded him.

“Maybe we should change that.”

“We should change that,” Art corrects you and you can feel the tips of your ears burning, and the skin across your cheek bones tingling for some reason.

-

You aren’t quite sure how ended up here, but one thing had lead to another as you both made your way out of the restaurant and back to Art’s car, and the next thing you knew you were heading back to his dorm to watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for some reason.

“How do you not find her hot?” You ask again for the tenth time as you both focus on the screen of Art’s laptop which is perched half on his thigh and half on yours. You are both sitting on his bed, shoulder to shoulder, both of your heads damp from (separate) showers in Art’s ensuite, and you smelling quite like him from having used his toiletries and borrowing a short and shirt set, both of which which were a baggy fit for you.

“I don’t know, I just don’t.”

“You’re rubbish Donaldson,” you snort, nudging your elbow lightly into his ribs with a simultaneous yawn.

“Tired?” Art asks, as you stifle another yawn.

“Yeah,” you accept, seeing little point in trying to hide it. You had after all, played a match today.

“I should really get back to the hotel,” you mumble, the back of your head leaning against the wall beside Art’s bed, eyes closing.

“You could just stay here,” there is a hint of hesitation in his voice because he isn’t sure if you’ll stay.

“Here?”

“My bed’s a double,” Art shrugs, “it would also be quicker for you to get to the matches tomorrow.” You aren’t playing but Art knows you would be expected to show up as a supporter for the series of matches between your two schools that continued tomorrow.

“Are you sure?” You don’t mind, after all - it’s Art, the boy you had known growing up, shared milkshakes and apple slices with after school, but you wanted to be sure he was truly fine with it.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Art moves to shit his laptop, lifting himself to bend over the edge of the bed to place the laptop on the floor, “you can take the inside.”

He flops down on the outside of the bed that is further from the wall too easily, his right hand going behind his head. Him moving forces you to move in tandem as you flop down on Art’s left, legs scrambling under the covers which Art has somehow managed to worm his way under in the flurry of movement.

Art reaches a hand over, his arm extending over you in the process to hit the light switch that he has beside his bed. It plunges you both into darkness, the only light the faint glow from the street lamps creeping in from below his curtains, and the glow of his digital clock.

You flip onto your right side, eyes closed, missing the turn of Art’s head as he observes yours features, closed eyes, lashes, nose, lips, finding his gaze lingering a moment too long on your lips.

“Stop staring Art.”

“Am not.”

“I can feel it,” you respond, lips curving into a smirk. It was a habit he had developed from the sleepovers you both had either in his living room or yours when you were both younger. You would close your eyes, just about to doze off, only to hear the faint shifting of a head against a pillow while Art turned to stare at you, his blue-brown eyes boring into you.

“Am not.”

“Go to sleep Art.”

-

“So I guess I’ll see you around,” You are standing just a distance off the side of the bus which is supposed to take you back to campus. The matches for the day had ended, with your school having won by one match.

“Yeah,” Art replies, drawing out his words as he takes you in, he finds himself think that he had very much preferred you in his clothes despite them being oversized and not as well fitted as your own. You had managed to change into a fresh set of school colours before the matches started earlier that morning, having pleaded with your angel of a roommate to help you lug your overnight bag, which you hadn’t even had the chance to unpack the night before, over to the courts before the matches had begun. She had taken one look at you in Art’s tshirt, shorts with his hoodie thrown over, and had given you the widest smirk known to man despite your insistence that nothing had happened.

“I think you are scheduled to come play next month,” you refer to the Stanford men’s team, “I’ll see you then?”

“Or I could see you next week?” Art says almost shyly as he raises a hand to rub the back of his head. Art was a walking oxymoron, easily grabbing your hand, asking you to sleep in his bed, and yet somewhat bashful in the moments in between, “the drive over is an hour, max.”

“I would like that,” your response earns you a mega watt smile, his eyes twinkling at you. You both hear voices calling Art away from the bus, one male, one female - but Art ignores them both.

-

“Yeah and I told her-” your sentence is cut off by a nudge to your shoulder.

“Stanford” you friend explains with slightly too much glee in her voice. She had seen the smile on your face after returning from your away game last weekend, and the way you had been constantly glued to your phone, grin on your face, laughter peppering your days, the name Art Donaldson a constant fixture in your notifications.

Your head swivels up and to your left to spot Art leaning against his black jeep, hands crossed loosely across his chest. He smiles when he sees you, and your face mimics his expression.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” you friend calls out as she pushes you in Art’s direction. You pull a face at her while rolling your eyes, but letting your legs carry you towards Art.

“Are you stalking me Donaldson?” You ask in jest. Art had texted you half an hour earlier, asking which part of campus your last class of the Friday was in and where he should pick you up from.

“Hundred percent,” he says as he opens his arms; you step into his embrace for a brief hug, before he turns to open the car door for you. You unload your bag from your arm, dropping it onto the floor of the passenger’s seat before climbing in. You move to close the door, but Art is in between you and the door, reaching over to click your seatbelt into place.

“Ready?” He asks, and you nod, gazing into bright blue-brown eyes.

-

“Positivism,” Art says simply at your question of what theory of jurisprudence he found himself most inclined towards. You think for a moment, the side of your face propped up with a hand, elbow on the counter of the bar you both are seated at, your body turned towards Art who is likewise, facing you.

“Positivism,” you roll the words around your tongue, “I guess it tracks,” you shrug, before raising a brow slightly, “but how does an engineering undergraduate so much about jurisprudence?”

“I read.”

“On jurisprudence?” You frown nose wrinkling as you reach your hand out to place the back of it against Art’s forehead as if to check if he had a fever, “are you alright?”

“You mean you don’t read engineering daily in between sets?” Art questions you with mock horror as he reaches up to tug your hand down from his forehead. Your hand ends up, yet again, in Art’s, which is resting on his knee.

“Why engineering, and not something with a lighter course load?” The underlying question is clear - Art had every intent of going the pro track post-Stanford, and it wasn’t that he would be making full use of his degree anyway.

“I don’t want the only skill I have to be hitting a ball with a racket,” he shrugs, “it feels good to know I can do something else.”

You hum in bother understanding and agreement as you feel Art’s thumb begin to stroke the back of your hand. It distracts you, his calloused thumb sliding across your skin.

“In another life I’m sure you would have made a darn good engineer Art Donaldson.”

Your words make Art laugh, something he found himself doing a lot with you.

-

“So, this is me,” you point towards the dormitory buildings up in front and Art slows his car to a stop, pulling the gear into park. He kills the engine before hopping out of his seat. Your hand is on the handle of the door, ready to open it for yourself but Art is faster, his hand on the outside lever, pulling the door open for you.

Art offers you a hand as you hop out of the jeep before he shuts the door behind you.

“I had fun tonight,” you find yourself saying, suddenly feeling slightly shy for reasons you cannot fathom.

“Me too,” is what Art says in response, his hands stuck on the pockets of his jeans, heels rocking in a back and forth motion. You see his gaze on you, locking with yours before flickering to your lips. It makes you bite down one on side of your lip, an action which causes Art to gulp, making the Adam’s apple on his throat bob.

“We should do-”

“Can I kiss you?” Art blurts out his question in a burst and you can see his face flush slightly as he asks, a surprising and yet apt contrast to the Art who had no qualms about holding your hand in his. You feel your heart quickening, and with the silence between you both - you almost feel as if you can hear each beat.

“Yes,” you breathe out, a small nod accompanying your response. You see Art’s gaze flicker to your lips again, but you would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about this.

Art takes a step forward, pulling his hands out of his pockets. You feel him cupping your face gently, and you tilt your head towards him. Your eyes flutter close and your lips meet.

Art’s lips are softer than you imagined. You feel his hands move, slipping down the sides of your body, circling your waist and pulling you closer. You drop your bag off your shoulder onto the floor as your hands move up, one to cradle the side of his face, and the other reaching behind, fingers weaving into soft curls as you tug him closer towards you. First kisses with someone new had always been awkward for you - teeth, lips, noses, as you each try to figure out the grooves and crannies of each other, but with Art - there was no such thing. It felt as if you both had learnt each other long ago, each in and out, the curve of his neck, and the the planes of your body.

You break the kiss first, pulling away, eyes still closed, feeling as if the breath had been knocked out of you in the best way. Your forehead pressed against Art’s, body held firmly against his.

“I hope you aren’t going to send me packing after that.” Your eyes flutter open at his words.

“You packed an overnight bag didn’t you?”

“I might have,” Art pulls you even closer, his arms wound tight around you.

“Presumptuous much?” You run a hand through the front of his hair, pushing his fringe back.

“Just good at reading the room.”

-

12 years later

The skin across your knuckles are visibly tight, your hands clenched into fists, the only sign of the nerves that have taken over and riddled your body. Your eyes are shielded by dark oversized glasses, but your pupils are darting left and right as the final point of the match plays before you. The stadium is silent, save for the pop of the ball and the grunts from the two players on court. You hear an exceptionally loud grunt, the whizzing of a racket whipping through the air, and then you hear it before it hits you - the roar of the crowd, the thundering claps, and you feel your body freeze as even the announcer goes wild.

“Art Donaldson, ladies and gentleman, our new US Open champion.”

You remain glued to your seat despite the commotion around you - family, Art’s team, cheering, jumping, excited hugs being passed around. Your eyes watch as Art runs towards the center of the net, hand raised as he waves to the crowd around. He shakes his opponents hand, before waving to each section of the stadium in thanks of their support and there he is, jogging towards you. His hair is dripping with sweat, plastered to his head, shirt clinging to his body. He extends a hand to you even before he reaches the sideline and your body reacts from habit, standing, your hand extending back towards him. A warm hand, the back of it still slick from sweat grasps yours, tugging you forward lightly.

“Hi,” is all he says as Art’s lips meet yours. Art enjoys the tennis, but he doesn’t need it - doesn’t need the tennis, the fame, the money, or the trophies - all he needs is you.

You hear the crowd go wild at the display of affection, the announcer’s voice booming over the sound system with something about Art Donaldson and his wife, but it all fades - the commotion, the sound, the people, the tennis, because all you see is Art.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[suncchaser]

I am so done with this situation and I feel like addressing it.

Jegulus shippers not only mistag posts, but have now started tagging their anti-Jily bullshit posts under the Jily tag and forcing the rest of us to read that shit and I am done with it.

How dare you go on the tag of a ship to rant about how they don't make sense to you when you have an entire account dedicated to a crackship with no canon basis between two characters who would never look twice at one another? "She hated him, she couldn't have changed her mind." Well, she did not and why she did was clearly explained in the books, so maybe read before you comment idiotic things. The breakdown of her friendship with Snape and James’ change of attitude and them becoming Head Boy and Head Girl together are the reason. Also, keep your fake love for Lily to yourselves because no one's buying it. You love Lily so much and yet, 90% of Lily-centred content is still coming from Jily shippers, you know, the people who you claim give her no personality outside of being James' wife and Harry's mother. While in Jegulus content, she's either treated as a surrogate or James' second choice or in a barely mentioned w/w with any random character you decide to pair her with. Also, if James is so horrible to the point you claim she deserves better than him how come you have entire accounts dedicated to him and a ship involving him? James is perfect for your darling boy Reggie but a terrible partner for Lily?

Also, I really do not give a single fuck if you don't want to ship Jily because boo hoo, Jily shippers are so mean to you. No one is ruining your online experience, no one is not allowing you to have fun. YOU ARE THE ONES DOING THAT TO EVERYONE ELSE. With constant mistagging to gain traction on your posts, literally invading every character/ship tags with your bullshit, constantly commenting under Jily content begging for Jegulus versions of it or inserting Jegulus/Regulus. There is a reason why most people who do not ship Jegulus do not like you. It's not jealousy or a big conspiracy. Most of you are just delusional and very fucking annoying.

[yanderes-galore]

Silent hill time, so Darling is Silent Hill and meets James. They decide to help each out but it seems like Pyramid Head is fixated on Darling, which makes her terrified (I mean who wouldn't be?) So basically James against Pyramid Head? Since PH is part of James I think that would be kinda hard for Darling. -🐈anon

This has very interesting implications so sure! I am sorry the end is garbage, this was mostly just me exploring the idea since I found it really cool.

Yandere! James Sunderland vs Pyramid Head

Pairing: Romantic - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Violence, Trauma, Guilt, Manipulation, Delusional behavior, Stalking, Overprotective behavior, Possessive behavior, Attempted murder, Dubious relationship.

A rivalry between James and Pyramid Head creates an interesting dynamic.

Pyramid Head is part of James, a manifestation of his guilt... his tormentor.

Having them both go after you is like two sides of one coin.

James may be calmer, softer, and more caring.

While Pyramid Head is rougher, violent, and possessive.

Everyone finds their way to Silent Hill for one reason or another.

Most of the time to find something or someone.

They have a purpose and reason for being there.

You have your own reasons for going but either way... you meet James.

Silent Hill is filled with all sorts of different monsters created by the trauma of others.

Even the people in the town are paranoid, all there for their own reasons.

When you meet James you're weary of him.

Yet the man appears to be calmer than the rest of the people here.

More confused than anything, actually.

With some minor chat about the town and all the weird stuff happening in it you two convince each other to stick around.

James even asks if you've seen the monsters.

Even though I imagine the monsters are different for everyone, for this concept you also see what James sees.

James is mostly a quiet man when it comes to his past.

You don't even learn about who he set out to look for until later.

All he tells you is he's here for a reason... you reply with the same response.

Something brought you here... maybe it was even fate that you met James?

James is bad at consoling others yet he does try to look after you as you travel together.

James is a depressed, delusional, and reckless man.

Despite this, James himself shows the softer side of his yandere type.

He genuinely cares for your safety in this town.

Even more so when he hallucinates to the point of seeing you as his wife.

James feels he should protect you from the horrors of this town.

You're a young woman who appears just as confused as he is...

He just wants to... protect you from these demons.

James himself displays his overprotective and caring tendencies as a yandere.

In a way, him protecting you from the monsters of Silent Hill is like him trying to defend you from his inner demons.

He is the type of person for you to run to when you feel threatened.

He's appears harmless... yet not quite.

James is still the person who manifested Pyramid Head.

A beast you meet later in your journey.

Pyramid Head is a manifestation of James' toxic traits.

When you meet the monster it's stalking you and James from the shadows.

James may even say it's been following him.

Pyramid Head is much worse than normal James.

The beast follows you like a hungry animal.

It lumbers towards you at times with strange deep breathing.

Pyramid Head appears to be overly aggressive, possessive, and violent towards James.

It's an executioner, one made to punish the man of his sins.

Towards James, it yearns to hurt and kill.

Towards you... the beast expresses desire.

It's still rough with you but doesn't entirely try to hurt.

The monster grabs at you in desperation when it sees you, it roughly tries to take you for its own desires.

Pyramid Head is a monster created by James... yet James also tries to defend you from it.

It's sad yet oddly poetic.

Despite this you are correct, this pair up would be difficult as you could never fully get away from them.

James keeps you close to him as he feels he has to protect you.

Plus he begins to see you as the wife he lost to his own selfishness.

James is delusional... maybe his wife really did die.

Maybe you're her reincarnation... and he was meant to meet you (as insane as that sounds....)

As James' obsession gets worse, Pyramid Head gets fiercer.

As the two are connected, both obsessions fester the same.

As James begins to fall more in love with you in his delusions... Pyramid Head grows more restless in pursuing you.

Things may get worse and worse until one of two things happen:

James overcomes his inner demons and sticks with you after...

Or you both succumb to Pyramid Head.

The overall idea of this concept is what makes things interesting.

For the most part it is your typical yandere rivalry.

But the fact it's technically James fighting with himself is what's cool.

Part of him wants to cater and pamper you... hoping to heal his inner pain this way.

The other part wants to harm others to keep what he wants... the part that's a monster.

James came to Silent Hill to find his wife... yet in the end he found you to fill that empty void...

Unfortunately this means you're caught in the crossfire of a war between him and the monster he could be if left unchecked.

[roachfun]

This is probably a wild thing to get but your “Gojo should stay dead” post has got my unmedicated ass vibrating.

(I’ve only read jjk0, besides that literally all of my exposure has been via 3 video essays and fanfic… I basically got into the series backwards and tbh it’s an interesting experience…)

And tbh I agree with you more than not. Even though the view I have of the character is so fucking warped because jjk fanfic is too the gills filled with smut.

Because what I’ve gathered from the video essays and the few bits of fanfics that actually tried getting into his mind… is that the man is gd tired.

A god complex the size of the sun, that’s only ever been challenged once by one of the few people he ever formed a genuine connection with, and it was challenged as that person was leaving him. That incident may have motivated him to change, but that change was predominantly if not exclusively external, he didn’t really do much self reflection.

After Geto left, Gojo did better (became a teacher, warding Megumi, not letting Yuta be executed) but he didn’t work on being better (god complex, recklessness, belief that his way is the only way with no real consideration for the effects those decisions have on others)

He’s selfish, arrogant, and reckless, he doesn’t seem to take much of anything seriously and that may be a persona (again, I haven’t actually read jjk yet… the ending of mha did the characters, narrative, and audience so gd dirty I need to know how jjk ends so I set my expectations accordingly) but I can very much see this man never really developing his sense of empathy because he never really had any stakes… like he has some understanding, but the god complex and the fact people around him constantly reinforce it… he can’t put himself in other people’s shoes, there’s a detachment from reality that would read as delusional for anybody else, but he has spent his entire life being told he is the strongest with nothing ever being able to prove him wrong.

Than on the flip side of that god complex, honestly for a good while, and still sorta kinda… to me he reads as passively suicidal. (I know “Word of God” can be controversial regarding character analysis because of its absence in the base text) but the fact Gege’s rough rundown of Gojo’s daily schedule was basically “he sleeps for about 3 hours and spends the rest of his time working, his sweet tooth is actually somewhat practical as he uses sugar as a stimulant.” That’s not good for your noggin. Add the isolation caused by his status and his god complex, I see him coming to the conclusion that the only way he should die, is in battle.

And he did! Even if wasn’t in the “final sacrifice that ensures he becomes a legend” sort of way I think he would’ve hoped for.

But that also felt… right? (Certainly not fair, Gege openly admitting he kills off fan favorites for the shock value does dampen the possible emotional impact that could’ve been achieved… but I digress)

Every time Gojo fights, and I mean properly fights, he’s smiling, it’s a game to him, a chance to show off, to assert his dominance and reaffirm his status… so him dying so suddenly that his legs are still standing as his upper half falls to the floor, he’s lying there choking on his own blood as he bleeds out and Sukuna saying it “cleared his skies” (weird phrasing, but I think that’s a cultural/translation thing) it could’ve been a gut punch of a tragedy that amped up the stakes of the final conflict! The protagonists’ trump card is gone in a handful of panels and a flick of the wrist! He’s bleeding out on the ground as the big bad seems to reach a moment of genuine inner peace! But the backtracking and Gege’s history lessened that significantly

tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that Shonen Jump had something to do with it… the motivations for Gege’s writing choices are questionable to me (it feels spiteful and cheap) but they’ve been consistent until now, what changed?

Anyway it is… 5:45 am… I should be asleep, but I’m here vomiting character analysis based on partial information in your inbox… I hope you have a good day/night/whatever is appropriate for when you receive this

I hate that you had me read all that, but I couldn't agree more with most that you said (except maybe where you call him selfish and I lowk think geges killing system is fair and I like it a lot but🤷).

Anyways, I don't know how to really respond to this since you basically did all the talking lol (plus I'm tired from reading all that and just got out of school).

I do have a question tho. how did you start with jjk0??? Like how does something like that happen. Also you haven't watched the anime or anything😭???

Anyways, thanks for dropping this essay on me have a good day/night or life in case we never speak🩵

[fromtenthousandfeet]

How about a change of topic, @fromtenthousandfeet?

Last night I watched the JK Golden mini-concert on YouTube. Hold on, I am going to relate this to Jimin, promise. Here are some things I noticed:

He only sang 12 songs. 10 from his album, and two from his BTS days: Still with You and Magic Shop (singing his part with the recording.)

There was a fair amount of talking. Also two brief videos. So that took up some time.

I wondered how he would work the collabs. As far as I could tell, he just sang Seven and 3D without including the others.

He used the backtrack for his BG vocals. Why don't they ever use real background singers? This seems so inexplicable to me.

The production values were, I would say, modest. As in, sparse.

This was definitely an event for Army and JK solos. RM was there and did speak briefly from the audience on how much he admired JK. He said the others couldn't attend because they had schedules or words to that effect.

OK, here's how this relates to Jimin. I keep hearing that Jimin doesn't have enough songs to do a concert, but he certainly has more than 12! He wouldn't even have to include his collabs (except SGMB?)

Does he have enough time to rest between the intense choreo ones and the no-choreo ones? I think so? And please include his Black Swan solo. And maybe a cover or two. Keeping hope alive for something in Spanish, como siempre, but there are other possibilities. Recently I read a recommendation for Human Nature by MJ. What a brilliant idea. I could totally see (hear) that.

Everybody seems to agree that the 1st song has to be SetMeFree, pt2. Hell, yeah! But could they bring in the actual choir, please? And I wonder if Suga would do the rap part--I'm glad he isn't on the album, but it would be cool to have a truly live performance... and something that ISN'T just like the recording. That's why you go to a concert, isn't it?

I mean, I get why they have to have a backtrack, but how about some live background vocals from background singers, too? I found it disconcerting when Jimin sang WHO on Jimmy Fallon and there were those moments when his recorded voice came in. Isn't there a way to use BG singers in those moments?

But...bottom line: Jimin has enough material to do his own concert. Perhaps not a full two hours, unless he had an opening act, but his own concert is entirely feasible and very desirable. I believe he has the fan base to support him, or am I being delusional?

Should we start making a set list?

Anon,

Thank you for this wonderful ask. I'm sorry I'm a bit late in responding.

All of your points are so on point (lol)! I'm now obsessing over the idea of Jimin covering the best song from MJ's Thriller (IMHO). JM was born to sing Human Nature!

While it wouldn't allow him a chance to rest, I would love an award show-style dance performance or two. Marionette Fake Love? Blindfolded Lie? OMG. And yes, let's get Black Swan in there, too. He doesn't have to repeat these performances, of course. Something new would be amazing. Do people understand just how one of a kind Jimin is? His dancing is on another level.

Backup singers? Yes, please! I beg. Rearrange his songs so that he doesn't need to rely on backtrack vocals and use real, human backup singers since add such warmth and depth to songs. Why is BH so violently opposed to them? And that choir from LA? They are breathtakingly talented. Please add them to the tour, too.

Finally, a song in Spanish? Claro que si! We know he has it in him - it's only a matter of time.

Anon, let's get the set list started, vet some possible opening acts, and start crowd funding for the tour because I don't trust BH to do anything.

[lovemyromance]

I have a little rant lol.

In general, the entire acotar fandom is immature and toxic (I honestly think its gotten so bad since nesta's book came out). Most of these people are grown women and men arguing back and forth about characters and ships. It's bad enough that its been going on for years that its sad. "I'll laugh at the elriels or gwnyriels or the eluciens if their ship isnt endgame" Do the people who say that realize how embarrassing they are? Many people are going to have good and terrible theories but bashing people and harassing people over fictional characters is just immature. I also hate when they say "its that [insert ship] the one who is being the most toxic and weird" NO. its all of you. None of us know who is going to be endgame no matter the theories you have or anything. YOU DONT KNOW. So, please, can we stop this already? its getting annoying and weird. This fandom has made it incredibly difficult to know who the next book is going to be about when its right in front of their eyes. Sarah has not made it impossible to know who the next will be about and I think thats why shes been so quiet about because everyone is being so aggressive about this ship war. I just know the moment she announces the couple, she'll get a ton of hate when its not even her fault because people love to twist her words on paper and thinks she's probably doing that but it could mean a whole other thing. Yall have let theories get to your head and twisted words so much that I think it's incredibly unhealthy for all of you to be acting this way. Stick with who you ship or love and of course, you can have beautiful theories, but toxicity is not necessary. No need to go back and forth about who is the real "endgame".

I mean yeah this fandom is insane. Sometimes as I'm aggressively typing out a reply to an anon who calls me a delusional psychotic bitch bc I made an Elriel post they didn't like, I genuinely just blink and think what the fuck am I doing?

It's partly why I didn't want get involved. At all.

I still try to keep to myself. Only even entertain the antis if they come to my posts. I stick to my own tags.

But there are people - and you're right they are from both sides, as I have also said multiple times on my blog -that go out of their way to start a fight on posts they know aren't meant for them.

These are the people that are making this fandom so toxic. Like I understand, no one person can be responsible for a fandom's collective behavior, but you can be responsible for yourself at the very least.

I have always made it clear what i believe acceptable behavior for discourse in this fandom is and isn't. It's not something I can personally enforce for others, but I can follow myself.

It really is crazy how out of hand this fandom has gotten because other people can't control themselves. If I see an anti Elriel post I don't like (and I don't follow any tags, actually, so I see ALL the ships posting), I have the self control to ignore it and keep scrolling.

This fandom has been overrun by childish adults, intent on being louder than the rest. It's crazy how many disgusting things have been said over just fictional characters, it makes me wonder what these people are like in real life.

At the end of the day - there's going to be a book and one side is going to be proven right. It's not worth all these vitriol that's been spewed across all sides just to "be right". I at least, would be perfectly fine to read an Elucien book. If Elriel does happen, I'm certainly not going to lord it over anyone's head and laugh.

Not worth my time. Not worth my energy.

[bengiyo]

My School President Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

This show is giving me everything I wanted folks to get out of Lovesick the series. Last week we switched to Tinn's perspective and learned that he's just a nerd suffering from benign neglect that fell in love with a pretty boy with a nice voice that was kind to him once. We also learned that Tinn has unsuccessfully attempted to confess his feelings repeatedly for years. I love Tinn.

Now, after spending a whole episode anonymously helping the music club procure replacement instruments, he's committed himself officially to seeing Gun succeed in this competition in the hopes that maybe they'll date.

Gemini and Mark are fun together. Tinn is such a simp and it's endearing.

"When did he get here?" - "A while ago."

I like the scale of the villain of the current principal. She wants to cancel troublesome clubs, and I think demanding that slacker students perform academically isn't necessarily an unreasonable request of students who want permission to represent the school in a public competition.

We should be seriously concerned that the school building has a termite intrusion.

Holy hell they're so dense.

These marble tables are giving me Make It Right flashbacks.

Tinn's fantasies being consistently ruined by reality is actually such an important subversive creative choice. As fun and adorable as this all is, I'm glad young viewers are being subtly reminded that your fantasies will not always align with reality. Tiw reminding Tinn to focus on helping his crush is *chef's kiss*.

I love Tiw with my entire being. We haven't had a wingman this committed in a long time. He might be a winner for the NAMGOONG BEST BOY AWARD for 2022. I'm glad the rest of the music club affirmed that Tinn is a good tutor, but Gun has specific challenges with math.

I also like the fantasy sequences not only because they reveal how ridiculous and adorable Tinn is, it allows Gemini and Fourth to have more fun interactions before they get together.

Okay, but I actually think it's awesome that Tinn's parents still are attracted to each other and can express that in front of Tinn. That Tinn only laughs about it means this is normal for him.

This apartment does seem very nice.

Not sure why they don't just share the bed.

And now we're ballroom dancing. Tinn's going to implode.

Did Tiw suggest he watch Bad Buddy to flirt, and then diss Ohm and Nanon to highlight Mark (his actor) while the Bad Buddy intro theme played? Yes he did, and I am losing it.

Scrubb is actually good, so I totally get the fantasy about "Close."

They always seem to have fun with these Canon ads.

Tinn's dad is the hero we needed when we needed him.

I'm all for baby gays being delusional about their crushes, but not when it comes to knife safety.

I do like the joke about how silly "baby is a messy eater" is as a trope.

They all passed! I wonder if we'll get a side couple out of Tiw?

Fourth is really charming. Gun's appeal is plain in this pool scene.

Hey, Tinn's first attempt at flirtation! He didn't cover it with a "just kidding" either.

One of the benefits of the last episode was showing that Gun isn't totally oblivious if someone is making active choices. So, when Gun suggests that Tinn join him on the bed, I can't help but wonder if that's a bit of curiosity from the poolside hint of a confession and the nervousness about dancing.

I love this dancing fantasy. Really a lovely sequence.

Well well well, looks like Gun is starting to fall, too.

Ahh, it's time for third party complications next week.

[emblazons]

hey marie <3 I've been experiencing byler doubt as of late for some strange reason?? And you're one of my favorite analysts so what would you say is like ... the moment or thing that made you actually consider Byler would be endgame?

oooh, I'm sorry to hear that! Honestly there are still some days when the weight of discourse in this fandom gives me little flairs of discomfort about the state of their relationship in S5, even though revisiting the show itself almost immediately assuages most of my fears because fuller context for me has always been most comforting? But...hmm.

I think more than anything—and these two points are really what my "favorite byler things" hinge on, more than the moments themselves—I first remember that the entire show can be subjected to the same scrutiny and level of detail as Byler (even independent of it), which helps me remember that seeing and even looking for evidence of the relationship between them isn't just me indulging my desire to ship them—it's digging into something that The Duffers and the 2000-strong ST production team put there.

Things like them reusing the track Girls on Film to parallel an idea between two scenes with Nancy, paralleling moments of depression between El and Max to show us their bond even from a distance and using set design to show a character trait about Jonathan show that the little details I pick up on for byler are intentional the same way the rest of the show is...and I'm not being unduly invested looking for them, the way a lot of byler critics claim when they say byler's are "delusional" and "reading too much into it."

Second, I remember that I am the audience for the show according to the Duffer Brothers—that they've made clear that it's people like me they're catering to, who love movies, filmmaking and indulge their nerdiest interests even when it means being "less adult" than one perhaps should be in the eyes of the people around them—on top of the fact that they have repeatedly said their story is mapped out and intentional, which means what I see on the screen and put together from "studying" it was designed that way, and isn't just a series of random choices or Finn "deciding" to make flirty eyes at Noah (lmfao).

Once I keep those to things at the fore of my mind, it's easier to accept that what I saw on screen even before I deep dived the whole show were 1) designed for me to catch and 2) intentional...which leaves me with the ability to trust that all of these things—

Mike and Will showing repeated and unprompted signs of attraction to each other mutually, while showing signs of deep emotional connection outside of just the simple bounds of friendship

Mike re-prioritizing his relationship with Will, to the point of saying he was over-invested in El, while also asking Will to be closer to him (which he kept up, all the way to the very last shot of the season)

Will's romantic feelings now being blended inherently with the painting, even though the painting could have easily been written as a platonic gesture if the duffers wanted it to be

Mlvn’s communication (verbal and nonverbal) breaking down in S4 without a single bit of promoting from the audience before it dropped, to the point where Will’s feelings are the romantic ones underpinning Mike’s perception of El & El is no longer behaving romantically forward him, even given the “I love you” that was meant to resolve the tension in their relationship

The fact that I can connect these events to several other moments across all seasons, because the concepts and relational dynamics aren’t new to S4—only the context is

—are good enough reason to believe that the story is headed toward romantic!Byler, while actively moving away from romantic!mlvn.

I think, at the end of the day, the reason why I believe in Byler is because I’m familiar with The Duffers as storytellers, have been invested in their show since S1, and Byler makes sense for the show thematically—it fits into the narrative, doesn’t require any wild jumps to recognize (neither does the end of mlvn, to be honest) and—probably most importantly—the details like color coding, where people are standing in the final shot, and even the insanity of that one way sign into the closet Mike has are just details designed to bring life to the story…not what I’m basing my understanding of the story on itself.

Basically: I believe in byler because that’s where the story is pointing, and I feel I have a solid grasp on the story and characters in several sections of the show, not just the byler one. Revisiting the show over the course of the year has only strengthened my sense of that—and even when I do doubt, it’s the show itself that reminds me why I believed it in the first place, rather than anything that goes on throughout the fandom side of things.

I don't know if that helps you, but it's what keeps my confidence steady throughout the ups and downs of fandom! And also...literally nothing confused me worse than vol ii when it dropped...and now I feel like it presented some of the most important moments for building toward romantic!byler, so. I feel pretty confident in my interpretation of the events of the show now lmao.

thanks for the ask!

and also...outside of all this: the moment that made me catch onto byler as an option fully as an "invested GA" was Will and Mike at the airport, because...that shit was crazy to watch for the first time honestly. My jaw was on the floor like "oh shit, they're really doing this?" and it just. never came back up the rest of the season LOL

[canayams-art]

when i tell you i can't even put into words how excited i am about the rest of the season and more lqq scenes, i mean it! i personally cannot wait to see him boiling qr alive, even if the censorship laws makes me think they might remove it :// still im excited to see how it gets handled! LITTLE LQQ WAS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AS WELL SKEKEKKEK I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT TO MENTION IT BUT OMG I WANNA WRAP HIM IN A BLANKET AND TUCK HIM SOMEWHERE SAFE

honestly i do believe there was a lot of missed potential for a lot of dynamics in tgcf, but we can always make up for it by being completely delusional about it! personally as much as i enjoyed them, i would have loved seeing mq interactions with literally any character beside the xl and fx and hc, and i think his character could only benefit from not being constantly and only put into scenes with three people who he has a complicated past with. his relationships with characters beside them, even if superficial, would have been great imo especially when it comes to the very polarizing view fandom has of him. and for lqq as well, seeing him also interact with people who are not apart of his arc/closely tied to his past would have been so good, but i guess there was sqx to fill in that in some way lol. i am somewhat disappointed that we didn't get to see much how heavenly realm works and that we didn't get much side characters interactions with other side characters. im always sooo interested in behind the scenes works and im not more often than not left hanging and needing to fill in the void myself :"))

i think tgcf, heavenly and ghost realms especially, explored through the politics among gods and ghosts as well as their relationships outside of it, is always cool, and i love it when i stumble upon it in fics.

lqq and mq being complimentary to each other and in a weird way, being what the other needs in their life to some extent, is soo true. i think they have the great potential of eventually getting closer even post-canon in the novel, lqq needing someone who can both help with guzi and is more cynical about the world around him, mq recognizing lqq's struggles navigating his relationship to xl after everything is out in the open because of his own complicated relationship with xl. i think there is a part why qianqing is so appealing to me is because it's somewhat similar dynamics to mulian, especially lqq and xl's parallel storylines, while also not possessing the issues mulian have throughout their entire relationship. (not that i don't find mulian issues appealing, quite the opposite but the mood has to be there lol)

there's also the fact that now that lqq apparently has haters as well (i honestly was so surprised when i saw, because it makes little sense to me), it just makes sense to have him and mq stick together 😭✊

mhmm, i totally agree. there's just some special charm about side characters/rarepairs that is hard to come across canon pairings. the "what ifs" and "could have beens" that makes even the best of us absolutely deranged about it.

snjsjeejej i cannot wait for it! i personally know i would love to see donghua lqq in your artstyle, he will be soo pretty!!! 🥰🥰🥰

ps. perhaps we just need to sit him on someone's lap while he holds hands with other two!! cuddle pile is always the option when you don't have enough hands for your boyfriends 🤭

[Disclaimer cos I’m still an ep behind on s2 so I have yet to see how the donghua team has handled Qi Rong lol]

Every lqq flashback restores another 5 years of my life. I really love the care that’s gone into making him such an interesting, compelling, and likable character in the donghua. We already knew he was all of these things, but I think seeing him in motion beyond the mind’s eye has been so good in terms of being able to really perceive his character. I love seeing the way he’s charmed so many people hehe

And yes! One of the reasons I love exploring rarepairs and thinking about hypothetical scenarios between characters who don’t typically interact in canon is because it forces me to consider how their behaviors and impressions of these new acquaintances may shift. I don’t like to assume that mq, lqq, or any other character is confined to one rigid type of interaction just based on the limited interactions we see them share with just 1 or 2 arc-relevant characters.

The more I think about qianqing the more I WISH they were closer in proximity LOL. If only lqq had been the martial god of the west, or mq the martial god of the southeast— seeing them as amiable neighbors in a way. I think mq would have a much easier time working with lqq than he would with qyz (although if you or anyone else wanna debate it I’d love to hear more about qyz and mq cos THAT has always been a funny combo in my head). In some respect though I could see qianqing being sooo bittersweet with respect to the mulian parallels— lqq’s stubborn determination to never lose his sense for justice and heroics would likely throw mq into a dizzying sense of deja vu. Every now and again I can envision him mistaking lqq for young xl— at least when a nostalgic “Your Highness” escapes him it’s technically the correct address,,,,, even if where lqq is standing, mq saw young xl for just a moment.

(I can’t even get into why I don’t understand lqq hate so I will simply be and let be 🥲👍)

Qianqingxuan cuddle pile is just two affectionate sweeties and their reluctant but tolerant cat (mq) who is trying so hard to seem like he’s not actually content to be there LMAO

[csmcwtch]

I understand this comes from a place of stress because we live in a hell world that only seems to be getting worse, I'm doing my best to be mindful of that.

what I see in this thread though, these comments, these tags, feels like a disconnect from reality. the same way online liberals in 2016 blamed Clinton's loss on "the Bernie bros" who they claimed didn't show up to vote despite the fact that we did. then in 2020 spoke as though Bidens victory had nothing to do with us.

I'll get this out of the way now I am in no way saying that I will not vote nor do I mean to discourage anyone from voting but I understand it may come off that way; I think people really need some added perspective on all of this though.

For context I'm a white trans woman from the state of Iowa. I'm not out socially nor do I currently present myself in an openly trans way; to the rest of the world I'm probably just a weirdly shaped cis man. I'm well aware of the privilege I continue to experience living this way even if I internally reject it. I make just under fifteen thousand dollars a year. I have no formal training or a college education. I've never known financial stability in my adult life. this also applies to a lot of my friends and peers and almost certainly a lot people who might see this so you may understand where I'm coming from.

Donald Trump is most likely going to be re-elected in the 2024 US presidential election. I fucking hate that I have to type that it's a bitter pill to swallow. I'm not trying to scare anyone but I do honestly believe we need to live with that expectation. This does somewhat lead into my main thesis here:

I fundamentally do not believe that electoral politics will help us.

At least not yet. I have a 'why' in mind though I'll get to that.

What I do not mean is "and now it's time to start firebombing walmarts!" as evil a corporation as walmart is the reality is that a LOT of working class people rely on it for jobs and affordable food. What I'm also not saying is that we can expect to see real meaningful positive change completely non-violently and if you do believe that you're delusional, just, you know, it can be used smartly (like on oligarchs.)

What I do mean by electoral politics won't help us is that I'm 34 years old and I've seen with my own eyes over the course of my entire lifetime how they've continued to fail us. Do you remember how many elected democrats were immediately on board with war in Afghanistan and Iraq after 9/11? It was so god damn many! So many innocent people died because both parties agreed that it was the right thing to do! I'm aware they're the lesser of two evils but stop fucking pretending the differences are so vast.

Why do I think and feel this way? Enough to write all of this in hopes to quell any of the panic I see in people fearing the worst of the future and potentially to get people to understand the communities around them a bit better? I do have a few reasons all of which I feel are valid.

My first couple reasons have to do with voting itself.

Voter apathy. This is my weakest point and i already know that but firmly believe in its validity. Looking at data for the last couple of presidential elections has voter turnout average about 60% of people eligible to vote doing so. That's still over a third of people who aren't voting who can and that's a lot of people. I'm not talking about the very online sort of people currently saying that Biden is just as bad as Trump. I'll acknowledge that those people exist but I see them being used as a strawman like they're a much larger problem than they actually are. I'm not talking about people not caring either. I fundamentally believe that people in general do care and would rather see everyone around them lifted up together. I don't even believe that most conservatives want marginalized groups to face the oppression that we do but believe that we all deserve to live our lives however we see fit and who cares what people think, but they don't get candidates like that. There's also the very loud openly fascist conservatives who I see as a loud minority because I don't see posts online as a good indication of real life. Apathetic voters to me are people in situations perhaps similar to my own or worse. People who are barely able to get by if they're even able at all. People who, like me, saw the way that democrats and republicans together decided to start an endless war in the Middle East. Watched Barack Obama stand on a stage and take a sip of water from a glass expecting all of us to believe that the water crisis in Flint, Michigan was solved. It's been a decade since then by the way, while the situation with Flints water has improved it still hasn't been fully resolved. In 2020 these people watched how elected democrats fell over themselves to express how much they love and respect police as they brutalized this country's own citizenry for having the audacity to protest the way cops are allowed to kill people with little to no consequence. The votes to ban tiktok, to decry "from the river to the sea" as an antisemitic slogan were bipartisan efforts! And I know those aren't things that impact everyone's day to day life but I do think that they're still good examples of ways that a lot of elected officials don't really even view themselves as representatives of their constituents. The only people who care about banning tiktok are open xenophobes who've been made aware that it's a Chinese owned company. Israel's continued genocide (and I saw at least a couple people in the tags try to get away with saying it isn't a genocide and to you I say: you're part of the problem go fuck yourself) is less popular by the day. But that's what the people we voted for spent their time voting on. Not student debt relief. Nothing about the steadily climbing cost of living. Nothing in any way substantially meaningful to improving people's lives. All this and more for peoples entire lives how can anyone in good conscience hold it against any person who chooses not to vote. This is the weakest of my points and I fully acknowledge that. I don't even believe that there's a particularly large amount of people who choose not to vote due to apathy but I cannot find it in myself to be mad or upset at anyone making that decision, there are good reasons! The way people are trying to publicly shame anyone who chooses not to vote is fucking disgusting and only displays the way you are in an ideological bubble. ITS NOT BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T CARE ITS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALREADY BEING NEGLECTED BY SOCIETY!!

My next point is the real issue I think is important to consider and I have a lot less to say about because I think it's relatively self explanatory which is: voter suppression. It takes many forms and I want to mention a few I feel important but is by no means a comprehensive list. Policing, for one. By which I mean that when someone is sent to prison on felony charges making them a felon they lose the right to vote for the rest of their lives. You don't get that back when you're released. If you don't understand where I'm going with this: possession of enough cannabis at one time is a felony in the United States. My own state of Iowa has voter ID laws meaning if you show up to your polling place without a valid photo ID you cannot vote. I think any obstacles to voting beyond initial registration is bullshit and only done for the wrong reasons but I feel especially strongly about this one being that it literally hits close to home. Going to the DMV or city hall or court to obtain or update documents is already bad enough but add on top of that something like neurodivergence that probably becomes a much bigger ask. Another reason that I know is becoming a greater issue is that we've been getting a steady flow of migrants here and while they may have citizenship making them eligible to vote nine times out of ten they're a person of color who speaks English as a second language and while I don't know how that would impact someone's ability to attain a valid photo ID it's safe to assume it would become more difficult; the Iowa government did a few years ago pass a bill mandating all documents related to voting be printed only in English so they can't even pretend like it isn't on purpose. There's the old classic gerrymandering. You know, like that congressman who wears an image of his fucked up mangled district on his eyepatch like he's proud of. He most likely is proud of it because he probably wouldn't have won an election if it weren't fucked up like that. One example I would understand people may not be aware of is that polling places can be moved or closed, often at a moments notice leaving a bunch of people who now don't even know where they are meant to go to vote.

I don't know how much anyone reading this is involved in their community so I don't want to try to assume and I'll say that if you aren't you should be, assuming you are physically able. I understand that that's not the case for everyone. What I truly think will make a positive difference for the most people you can you should be an activist. You should be out protesting. Yeah you might get beat by cops and you might get arrested on nonexistent charges, that's an intimidation tactic to try to get you to stop. If you really care though you need to be willing to put things like your body on the line. Volunteer your time through an organization or independently. Find a neighbor and talk to them for a few minutes. Become more active in local politics. Each state in this country is basically it's own autonomous zone for the most part, the more difference you can make on a local or state level it usually isn't the federal governments problem. As for the reality of local and state governments that are deeply conservative such as my own what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that a lot of the most heinous, hateful bills that may pass your state house or senate usually get killed by judges because even conservative judges pride themselves on being Constitutional and will laws only designed to strip rights. Bother the shit out of your local representatives. I'm not even talking about violence here but the fact that elected officials are public servants and as a part of the public they're obligated to hear you out. As long as you aren't being aggressive or hostile legally there's nothing they can do to stop you and what people in positions of power really hate is being made uncomfortable in public.

I understand the pain, the fear, the anger of the way things are I hope this all comes across as coming from a place of compassion. What I see here though is people taking out their emotions in the wrong way on the wrong people and seeming to have no sense of awareness for the community around them and how if you are there for other people they'll be there for you too! Log off.

By existing as a citizen in and paying taxes to the imperial core, we automatically hold complicity in imperialist oppression because we are literally footing the bill for it. That is just the basic nature of being born to privilege in systems of oppression in general. We can be disadvantaged and marginalized in every single other consideration and we still have to understand and cope with this, and ensure we leverage it as effectively as possible.

Voting abstinence/sabotage does not absolve us of our responsibility to do everything in our power to lessen harm, but it DOES show that when our personal morals aren't satisfied, we retreat into (imperialist, this time) privilege to 'wash our hands' of the situation and declare it's not our fault and it's not our problem.

[prxttyvictim]

hello ♡ alright, thanks.

of course, i will. i doubt you will ever do anything that's truly bad, but i will let you know if you ever do something to upset me or anything. not in a mean way... i hope that doesn't sound mean, ahaha, i don't mean it like that. i just don't want any festering grudge to grow in our relationship or anything... so i would want to address any problems right away (: i do not think it will be a problem, though.

ahaha i do like that you're pathetic! i'm not sure what would be "too pathetic", but i don't think it'd be a problem with you. i like you a lot ♡ so cute. i hope you'll be yourself, though. i don't want you pretending to be something you're not—i'd like to know the real you more than anything. even if you don't like it.

of course (: it was a bit scary 😭 it was mostly just, well... horny people. lmfao. and also pedophiles... ugh. basically just what you'd expect. ahaha my definition of weirdo... ehh, i don't know. i can think of examples, but i don't know about an actual definition. yeah, the bad type of weirdo.

aww, you really don't have to do anything, okay? you're too sweet.

please do talk about yourself. and alright, i'll try my best to talk some about myself, too.

that's cool! ahaha thank you. no need to talk down on yourself, though. i bet your art is wonderful ♡ it'd be wonderful to me if it's coming from you no matter what anyway. i will tell you about my characters at... some point. same reason for not telling you about my cats... too revealing of my identity unfortunately! i am already being a little bit too obvious, but i feel that would be just incredibly obvious. ahh it's fine... anyway! yeah... that's very understandable. it's difficult. me too on writing stories about toxic relationships, ahaha, i have an unhealthy obsession with it... whoops. not except for yours, silly... yours is beautiful, too. you are not the exception!

yeah, i have the same problem... me as well! warrior cats... god, that was my entire childhood. i was so obsessed with it. i was actually kind of delusional about it—long story. as a start, you could check out https://www.poetryfoundation.org/ for poetry by more established poets or https://allpoetry.com/ for poetry by just about anyone (and some that's... reposted? by the website by more classic poets). i'll send you my account on allpoetry in another ask (don't post it please ahah) if you want to check it out (: yeah, perfectionism really is the worst. i've gotten a little better with it myself but it's still hard... i hope it gets better for you. you can do it! if you just start, that's the hardest part, and then you just have to keep pushing forward a little more, and you'll have made something that you can be proud of! maybe just try to finish something super small at first? like a little sketch or one page of writing. or for me, with poetry, i like doing a short haiku or a short acrostic poem to get started or at least get something done (: any effort is good effort!

understandable... i frequently forget how to do things, but that's what google is for! haha. that's cool! you should work on it more, if you want (:

thanks! i suppose i might be able to do both? i could do web development on the side if i had the time, maybe. who knows... (yeah, ahah, i was glad we're the same age, too.)

alright (: i'll send you pictures, too. your kitties sound so cute! love your descriptions of them. don't apologize for rambling; i love your rambling ♡

don't worry, you didn't take too long at all. i fear i may have taken a little too long to respond... whoops. i take a while. i'm glad you like my attention. i won't get bored of you, okay? (:

[other ask]

you're not burdening me at all, don't worry. i do want to talk to you! i'm happy to talk to you. i understand, it's just... not a good idea in my opinion. good luck with it anyhow.

-🪽

good morning!!! i hope you had a good rest as i did ^-^

thank you very much!! i will do the same! i'm pretty annoying when something upsets me so i'm sure i'll let you know lol, though i also doubt it'll ever come to that.

ughhh you're so mean... i suppose i can just be myself :( but if i end up scaring you away or something then i will be very sad. i only ask for your input because i really do struggle with my sense of self. i have a bit of a tendency to just mould myself to my partner's liking. hence why i really don't know how to act without one T-T

sounds like 4chan but worse >:( you're just as dumb as me in that regard, huh... i hope that was a long time ago. it'd make me sad if you still felt the need to go somewhere like that. and yes i suppose the "private chatroom" type of weirdo is self-explanatory lolol.

letting me do stuff for you is actually a service to *me*, not the other way around >:( it makes me happy to feel like i'm being helpful!

my art is just objectively bad though!!! if i practiced more i'm sure it could be good but i'm too lazy. you're flattering me too much you know. i suppose hiding your identity is the whole point of anon, so i guess i can forgive you.. >:( i'm impressed that we can relate on so many fronts! say something bad so i can stop getting so excited!!!!!

i looooved warrior cats. i'd read it on the ~30 minute drive to school every day, and i remember crying over the deaths in public.. i started with the dawn of the clans (i think it's called?) series and i'll always remember the vibe it made me feel. i miss being able to obsess over something like that T-T and i most certainly want to hear about that delusion one day. i kind of am starting to want to crawl into your brain. i'll try to sketch something after this, only cuz you were nice enough to encourage me. you're so smart.

i should revamp the visual novel and get help from my cute tumblr anon to code pretty menus and stuff. i'm sure you could do some sort of freelance coding on the side; i'd bet there's a good market for that! i wanna see pictures so bad... they sound so cute... and it may have been even more cute to hear you talk so fondly about them :>

well i fell asleep before i responded, so you win okay? it really does take me a while to write a coherent response so i'm sorry T-T don't make promises like that!!! you can just tell me if you're starting to get bored and i'll figure something out.. probably. i'm not very good at coming up with ideas.

don't worry about me, i blocked everybody except for one, and i suspect they'll say something to throw me off soon. be proud of me anon!!

as for your other askkk ^-^ i may or may not have stalked your account a little bit.. i will wipe the memory from my mind if you tell me to. i don't know enough about poetry to identify why i like your writing so much, so i just need to go with the shallow compliment of it sounding nice... i just spent 10 minutes rewriting a sentence trying to express how much i like it without sounding stupid, but alas i cannot. it's soothing to read somehow? the dumb website showed that there were an extra 4 pages and i was so sad when there weren't T-T i wanna read more.. i also feel that we can relate on a lot of subjects there too. plus your comments are all so sweet. adorable. (definitely didn't get jealous over a few poems.. that'd be ridiculous... i get attached at normal rates...)

your characters sound lovely! does it make sense to say that i really like the subject matter of your writing? it's that perfect mix between carnal and sweet. i can imagine your cute poetic metaphorical style in a narrative format and god i really wanna read it...

my timezone is eastern by the way! i'm in southern canada, meant to put that in my intro..

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

So another problem I am having medically that doctors simply ignore is that some of my bone structure is shaped very weird, but because the end result looks somewhat normal or attractive overall they won't take it seriously as a sign that something is up with my chromosomes or genetics?

Like my rib cage is shaped more like B than A in this diagram I have drawn, especially from the side:

A: A normal curved rib-cage, B: clearly belled, especially out the front lower ribs

But my breasts are big enough to come up level with them even in a sport's bra, and mostly disguise it unless you actually cop a feel and realize how far into my chest area my boobs actually go. Like I have 36E breasts and no one will believe it until they feel me up or I hand them my bra because my ribs bell out under my breasts so sharply. I have had women get pissed off at me when I tell them my breast size because I look relatively flat with clothing on [at least compared to what the cleavage amount suggests or my actual cup size] and they just get angry that I 'delusionally' think my boobs are bigger.

The problem is that means I have a rib shape so weird that any support garment or binding that's supposed to go down my ribs is shaped entirely wrong for my body, but also it means I have "genetic condition" level weird bone shapes and my doctors are just ignoring it because I look "attractive enough".

And it isn't just my ribs! I am half a cm off from qualifying as having microcephaly [my mothers head is huge and my dad has a normal head, all my relatives do], I have zero nasal bridge [flat line from top of forehead to tip of nose] and a nose shaped like a child [little button baby nose never impacted by hormones, I am 36]. I have a notably long skinny neck, a really shortened torso and really long legs and arms compared to the rest of my build. My mom called me "spider monkey" growing up because I had such weirdly long limbs and the teachers had to make an exception to the touching the ends of your shorts rule, because my arms reached my knees and they acknowledged that wasn't fair.

But long legs and child -like facial features are considered attractive on a "woman"!

And the chromosome anomalies that are known to cause this only show up in MEN!

So my doctors have always refused to even check my chromosomes!

In addition to this I technically qualify as being intersexed anyway due to hormonal complications, and have many other reasons to believe I am probably a chimera, including details about my mom's pregnancy, but they won't check! Even though it would be super relevant to managing my health!

They take one look at a "woman" who has long limbs and breasts that completely disguise the shape of their ribs, and a baby's nose and a dainty neck who sounds like a child at 36, who looks NOTHING -in body shape or proportion or any of these traits- like either parent or their full blood sister and who has stacking autoimmune conditions and simply REFUSE to check my genetics!

Also my pinkies are shaped like lightning bolts and my arms stick off my elbows at funny angles. My leg bones grew in at different rates cause me to be 'knock kneed' so severely I couldn't walk without bruising until I finished growing, and I keep getting weird rare growths that aren't supposed to happen at all at my age or multiple times unless you have a genetic condition, and they still just "Don't feel it's necessary u.u" to check, like...

And over and over what they cite as their reason is that most of these conditions -usually but definitely not always- come with severe mental impairment, and I seem to be of at least average intelligence, so I can't -possibly- have these mutations, even though the diagnostic manual specifies that not everyone with these abnormalities is impaired at all. Meanwhile they treat me the way people treat obviously autistic adults who sound like children due to underdeveloped facial structures.

And it seems to me that if they are ruling out the need to even look into it by people being "of average intelligence" they are guaranteeing that all known cases will continue to only show up with severe mental impairment.

And then I can't find a bra that goes down my ribs to support big boobs that doesn't dig horribly into my ribcage, and I can't bind to look actually flat or hide the wiggle without the same issue. And everyone gets some combination of angry or surprised when they see me with my shirt off, and tells me it isn't normal.

[nettle111]

Feeling empty

but this is the only thing that makes me feel a little okay. Maybe it’s coz I have barely any friends but my mind works overtime. Like I can talk to them about some of my problems sometimes but not enough to the point it helps at all. And then I run out of friends to talk to because if I talk to anyone anymore I’m gonna lose them because apparently I talk about myself and boys and shit too much. I’m literally better than most of the fucking bullies in my school anyway. I would feel so much better if that guy cld gimme the time of day but like no. His friend was such a gd kisser but like I genuinely could’ve ended that night differently and then I’d never develop this pathetic crush on him.

or would i

if you think about it if I ended up making out w him the entire night would i carry on trying to go for him because the guy I did make out with I spend half a week tryna get with again. I only moved on because he was being a dick and I couldn’t take him. Now I see him as a disgusting rat but that’s besides the point. Hey maybe I would’ve done the exact same but gone for the long haired blond I did make out with but half a week after. Or is he so special I’d still be in love with him. That would be so much better because I’d be in the same situation as I am now – except I kissed him a week ago on top of it – isn’t that brilliant! But that didn’t happen. i so could’ve made out with him tho coz the blond I met out while smoking and there I met the other guy too. In my head I’ve been saying I went out to see the blond but realistically I wanted to hit up some boys and the rest were in the sauna and I’d probably get banned or smth so going out to the smokers was the better idea. I don’t think I even took notice of him much except for the fact he looked so so so beautiful while smoking. He was also considerate coz he didn’t let me smoke for being an athlete. Is that cute or am I delusional? Anyway I’d like to think he was jealous coz he then was the first one who told on me making out. But he told the friend that invited me to the party, E. In my head he was jealous and all but who knows. Maybe he has loads of bitches he snaps when he’s leaving me on opened for a couple minutes. Maybe he’s in love with E coz even she’s grown sick of me constantly talking about him. They spent the whole night together and he’s the guy she found most attractive there. Fuck am I a bad person. She went in their car and when I tried saying bye to her she ran off for a smoke with him. And then he went to hers at around 5am to chill out and almost slept over. They’re so in love my heart hurts.

but I’ve been snapping him and it’s like alr. He keeps conversations going sometimes and occasionally asks questions. He did a subtly cute thing once where I was talking in his language but switched to English for one word, and he sorta replied but incorporated the word in his language to correct me when he didn’t need to if that makes any sense even tho it doesn’t. I also called him sexy and he said thank you very much in English. And he asks about my hobbies but he doesn’t care about it as much as football. Why am I obsessed with this guy outta nowhere I hate him

[anonymocha]

hi i. i may have been the. the culprit. for the ship. possibly singlehandedly.

short answer: i made them the fuck up and spawned it upon tumblr

long answer: okay so it started as literally IRONIC like “haha what if i draw the character i simp (kb) and the character i kin (mp) together :))) this will not alter the rest of my fandom activity forever whatsoever” so i drew them for the very first time HERE and it also happens to be one of my first r99 fanarts and KB ISNT EVEN OUT YEETTTTTT (is already heads over heels for her even then). i have already admitted that medpoc is a character i project to and a schrodinger self-insert so theres also that. also i easily go insane over any nblw since its so rare and a hungry nb lesbian like me gotta cook somehow! also kb is MY TYPE of fictional women so yay

after that initial silly doodle i wasn’t super into them then 1.3 happened. and this literal goddess (who is troubled) x sweaty lesbian (who is troubled) dynamic hits WAY TOO HARD and i practically locked the fuck in on them okay enough about me im gonna. be a TINY insane abt them. as a treat.

IGNORING THE FACT THAT THEY NEVER INTERACTED IN THE GAME AT ALL BECAUSE LIVE LAUGH LOVE RAREPAIRS 😍

I started piecing together more things that make them more appealing to me outside the “i kin this character, i like this character” thing. AKA making it the fuck up! To me, how I find their relationship interesting is the many possibilities of it going HORRIBLY WRONG AS GOD INTENDED (toxic yuri) or surprisingly but satisfyingly sweet if they manage to resolve the things that make the two of them not be able to work out in the first place (healing yuri)!

There is like a million alternate plots for them in my head but the horrible problematic nasty mutually destructive yuri vs rough but evident and warm healing growth tender calm-after-storm yuri are the two main ones i rotate in my head. The second of which may have happened after the first one.

The things they have in common is a devotion to research in their own respective strategies. One has a methodical but fragile approach the other a reckless but intricate approach to research. Both of them has a parental/mentor figure who tries to change them/projects into them one way or another. Medicine Pocket is a dog. Kaalaa Baunaa ate food already bitten off by a dog. Yuri. <<<delusional

Their relationship also has the appeal of being “forbidden” due to the age gap and just how much power they hold over each other. You might think that I see one of them with greater power but in reality both of them really holds the other at a chokehold. Her grief and projections of Kumar (which deeply tragically resembles how Kumar sees her in the first place as Kumar mentors her) onto them causing her to have a soft spot for them at the hopes they don’t end up like Kumar, she cares for them, helps them, keeps their secrets, spoils them, at one point parents them (neg), all of which makes her want to tear her hair out VS them wanting to exploit her prestige and kindness to further their own excellence but feeling that good ol’ guilt and weird weird weird fuzzy feeling in their throat that makes them want to tear their hair out ALSO nobody wants to piss of a senior researcher. They love the expression of her submitting to their whims as much as it eats at them. Whether this entire setup goes for a good ending in which both of them manage to navigate through their own vulnerabilities and see through their own wrongs/awful perceptions about each other then they may start to build/rebuild each other into better people, taking care of each other, being good adults that still break down from time to time. Alternatively they get stuck in the toxic yuri limbo. Your choice.

I am projecting a lot of my “fuck i have to do anything i can to succeed as an adult since im 18 now and the world wont tolerate if i lose my ‘prodigy’ status im getting into uni and they will tolerate much less academic faults” into Medpoc and having a kind and understanding mentor figure who’d hold them while they’re bloody and losing their mind over the needless intricacies/rules in tje research/academic/pragmatism world would help a lot I think! Especially since she spent a longer time in said field and SAW how this system fucks ppl up.

i made like. some tumblr yappings abt them. where i elaborate a mix of both plots in it. you can look at it to see my thought process

1 - https://www.tumblr.com/anonymocha/745307513988268032/suddenly-seeing-parallels-between-kumar-and

2 - https://www.tumblr.com/anonymocha/747092685637206016/my-insanity-ahead-textwall-i-mean-kaalaapocket

3 - https://www.tumblr.com/anonymocha/748712797312090112/ngl-my-first-thought-for-your-pfp-is-how-strangely

this doesnt include the shit i dumped to my partner theyre a real one for listening to my dissertation abt characters who never interacted in game. i could talk more but im tired after uni orientation week so im closing it off here but if u want me to like yap abt them more erm feel free to shoot me with anything

anyways thank you for showing an interest in the ship bc everytime someone asks abt it or mentions it or writes it or draws it i die a little /pos

EDIT:

would like to add something

in the toxic yuri beginnings neither of them sees each other as who they really are. where their relationship goes is determined by if both chose to see through the illusions they put up on each other by themselves. or not.

I haven't played since 1.4 but I NEED to know why kaalaa and medicine pocket are a ship now, I'm obsessed

Also have we had anymore The Fool content

[goldengoddess]

hi! I don't know if your requests are open, but if they are, can i please request some Matthias fluff based on the injury trope?

stay alive for me - matthias helvar

pairing: matthias helvar x gender neutral reader

a/n: i was gonna make this short but it was low key kind of cute!!!!!! also i know in the books matthias has like a military buzz cut and i reject that so he actually has very fluffy curls :’)

warnings: angst at the start and then fluff, violence and bullet wound

out of all of the stupid things you’d done in your life, this was probably the most stupid.

everything the job had gone to shit very quickly. jesper had given his signal at the wrong time. wylan had detonated the bomb too early. they'd underestimated the number of stadwatch that would be on duty and nina had ran into some trouble.

and you and matthias, alone, had needed to run away from at least seven men raining bullets at the two of you.

so after everything was said and done and you’d all met at the meeting point, gloomy, defeated, and penniless, you really didn’t want to mention the bullet that had skimmed your side during the chase.

but about ten minutes into the walk back to the slat, it was apparent that the wound might have been a little more than just a nick.

your vision was black at the edges and the whole world felt like it was spinning. the group walked ahead of you, keeping with the quick pace that jesper alway set. matthias lagged behind, every now and then glancing in your direction.

you held your side as inconspicuously as possible and reassured a slightly worried matthias with a fake grin.  when he looked forward and everyone else was occupied in conversation, you slowly pulled your hand away from your side. the sight of the deep red blood on your hand made you lose your step. suddenly you were on your knees holding your side once again.

you must have let out a whine or cry of pain because matthias turned his body in your direction. you locked eyes with him, though you could barley see his horrified face through your tears and fading vision. you collapsed onto the floor as you heard the rest of the team running back to your direction.

you fought to keep your eyes open. but then matthias’ face hovered over yours. and even though you were bleeding out on the street of this filthy city, you couldn’t help but admire how beautiful he looked.

you winced as matthias pressed his hands to your side to apply pressure to the wound. you took your bloody free hand and placed it on his head of curls. after the ice court, you’d managed to convince him to grow it out enough that you could run your fingers through it. he leaned into your touch and let out a wet sob.

“you didn’t say anything” he angrily said to you.

you did your best to give him a reassuring smile, “didn’t want to worry your drüskelle. you’re high strung as it is.”

he shook his head in exasperation, “if you don’t die i’ll kill you for your stubbornness myself.”you registered matthias’ arms underneath your body, lifting you up. you could hear the rest of the crows shouting instructions, kaz sending inej off to find a healer, nina crying to jesper out of guilt that she couldn’t do anything anymore to save you.

but all that really mattered to you was the steady and soldier like walk of the boy holding you. you pressed your face into his chest, “my blood is going to ruin your clothes.”

he let out what sounded like a small laugh, “don’t worry about my clothes my love. just stay awake will you?”

you nodded your head but you could already feel the energy draining from your body. “ ’m sorry i didn’t tell you i was hurt” you mumbled softly.

“i should have noticed” he answered gruffly, speeding up his pace at the groggy sound of your voice.

“you always blame yourself for everything matthias. don’t blame yourself for this, not my death” you said. the words coming of your mouth were delusional, you didn’t have much control or awareness.

but matthias’ response came clear as day, like a tether to reality and life.

“you are not dying today.”

the rest of the night went by in a blur. the last thing you remember was nina’s shouting commands, the sound of a door being kicked open, and the fleeting thought that it wouldn’t be so bad to die in matthias’ arms.

and then, sunlight.

the kind of light that was golden and pink at the same time. the filled an entire room. it was your favorite time of day, and in ketterdam it was rarely as beautiful as today.

you looked around the room and found you were laying in your bed at the slat. bloody towels were laid out across the floor. when you tried to move, your side felt sore. but it was obviously healed as well as it possibly could be.

at your movement, you heard a soft groan of protest from next to you. you gasped when you turned your head and found a sleeping body next to you. only then did you realize you were laying on the chest of said body and their arm was placed protectively around you.

you relaxed when you saw the familiar profile of your favorite person in the world. you snuggled back into this chest and placed a soft kiss on it.

this stirred him awake and you felt him shift underneath you. “love?” he asked in the softest voice you’d ever heard him use.

you nodded your head against his chest, “yes, i’m awake.”

the sigh of absolute relief that left his mouth broke your heart in two. his grip on you tightened and he pulled you even closer, if that was possible. he didn’t say anything, just placed a gently kiss to your head.

you pushed away from him slightly so you could sit up and look at him. his blue eyes sent shock waves through your body, the way they always did. but you didn’t fail to notice how they were less vibrant than usual, how his bags were much darker than the last time you’d really looked at him.

“i am so sorry i made you worry, i’m sorry i didn’t tell you” you told him shakily, a lump forming in your throat.

he quickly grabbed your face with both of his hands and leaned his forehead against yours. “hey hey, my love. it is okay. you are okay. that is all that matters to me now.”

you closed your eyes and placed your hands on your shoulders for support.

“but next time,” he started, “maybe you could tell me when you’re bleeding out?”

you giggled and disconnected your head from him, you nodded and bur your lip in embarrassment. “trust me, i will not be making this mistake again.”

he smiled a little bit and traced your cheekbone with his thumb. “you’re not allowed to die on my just yet.”

“just yet?” you teased playfully, leaning into his touch the way he had leaned into yours only a few hours before.

he shook his head and grinned fondly, “no not yet. you still owe me a lot of close calls, i’ve saved your life a couple of times i think you have to live to pay that back.”

you let out a scoff but mirrored his silly grin, “oh shut it. you know i’ve saved your life just as many times drüskelle.”

he smiled but his face turned more serious. “you owe me a life time of happiness, my love. you do not get to die and leave me alone when we are supposed to grow old together. be buried in the snow together.”

you placed your hand on top of his and squeezed to let him know you were here. that you were listening, breathing.

he smiled, “so if you could stop making stupid mistakes and let me help you, i’d really appreciate it.”

you laughed and placed a quick kiss on his lips, “anything for you my life. anything for you.”

taglist;

@vintagebitc @obiwansjedi @thegirlwiththeimpala @hybrid-in-progress @mrs-brekker15 @mrsbrekkers @simplyluvzuko @ode-to-joy @gallysonegoodlung @sixofshadowandbone @castielcouldbeasecretdentist @meiitanoia @caaarstairs @itisroe @the-jess-life @xsamsharons

low key forgot i had a taglist for a second sorry friends!