#i am actually feeling a little insane.
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a few too many things have happened in the last five days, i have decided.
#i am actually feeling a little insane.#me yesterday: feels like i should be feeling something about this actually but u know what i'm not#me today: vibrating severely#thank u bun for making me yell i probably should go somewhere and yell more#remembered that like aside from the guy who got. murdered. like a hundred feet from me this weekend we found out the guy who#hired me for this job eleven years ago had a heart attack and passed this last week also#i'd forgotten til coworker mentioned it tonight#like oh thats why i already felt raw#among a hundred other things that are happening#and arent gonna stop happening#send me strength to finish commissions tomorrow and wednesday sjhdjs
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doodles as i relive my spideyman phase from eighth grade
#first fanart in a while!#i was rewatching the ultimate spiderman cartoon bc it was my entire childhood lol#also this also happened bc i watched deadpool and wolverine and loved it but also came out of it loving spideypool and i feel like ive been#played. somehow#their dynamic is so good and crazy and i started reading the spideypool run and its actually so insane im crying#anyways here i am sorry i forgot about tumblr for a little bit i just forgot to log in ndjfhdjjr#school starts back up again and i am Excited (fear) but hopefully i can still post stuff ehe#have a good day and week! :3#spiderman#peter parker#marvel#ok bye
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As promised, incredibly stupid s4-5 drawings
#i didn't sign the one I actually colored but it's fucking fine I guess I'll redraw it later anyways#I am never satisfied when I color my shit in fr#martin blackwood you are the realest of the fucking real for asking your man to eldritch-equivelent block someone cuz youre jealous#hate him all you want he's out here speaking the truth#he wants that twink obliterated because he's jealous and he is not ashamed to admit it!#i have so many thoughts and feelings about s5 so far that I must commit to paper hruyggnm#one of which being that Jon is wearing martins flannel in the fucking eminem pose I drew him in#it's the little things I say as I go ever so slightly more insane#my art#the magnus archives#tma season four#tma season 5#tma#tma spoilers#tma fanart#tma podcast#the magnus pod#martin blackwood#jonathan sims the archivist#jonathan sims#jon sims#god i hope those tags arent for the real ass dude#jonny why did you name the poor meow meow after youself man why#jonmartin#good god what is their ship name#jmart#tma jmart#jmart fanart#“ceaseless watcher. show me this guy's balls”#please do not do that I'm quoting a meme
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Picture this; Bones holding Joanna, rocking her to sleep and the part in Beautiful Boy where it’s like “The monster's gone, He's on the run, And your daddy's here” is playing. :,)
Fatherhood gives you certain... skills. Coincidentally, this is also how Jim finds out that Bones sings.
:'))
#star trek#star trek fanart#star trek aos#star trek alternate original series#jim kirk#jim t kirk#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#joanna mccoy#mckirk#mckirk fanart#ship or platonic? up to you#this sort of ties in to another thing ill be posting soon. but only sort of?? mainly it's joanna's design and symbols lol#yes joanna has character symbols im a little bit insane and a huge nerd#this is when jim decides he HAS to woo that divorced dad lmao#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK ANON ILYSM. im so happy with where this ask took me and i hope you enjoy!!#what is jim dreamjng about you ask? well. The colours are a reference sorta actually but iykyk (aos lore?)#this hit me in so many different feels. SO MANY. im a changed man because of this ask anon i am in your debt#im so in love with all of your brains btw. the reqs yall send in are so so good#honestly if youre a recurring anon feel free to leave a calling card or something. i would love to shake you adoringly by some sorta name#happy first contact day!!
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WHAT???????
#i am. actually floored#the thing about the books. is that the characterisation is either a little too kid-friendly or just absolutely unhinged#why the hell is this boy carrying around two daggers and an axe. i feel insane#can anyone hear me#me so scared of writing jay ooc & in coke melissa with a steel chair#what a fucking bit of characterisation#now i need to rewatch descendants knowing that jay has two daggers and an axe on him at all times#descendants#descendants isle of the lost#jay son of jafar
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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i! ro! ha! (six years edition)
#忍たま乱太郎#nintama#nintama rantarou#rkrn#quirinahdraws#digital#六い#六ろ#六は#tachibana senzou#shioe monjirou#nanamatsu koheita#nakazaike chouji#zenpouji isaku#kema tomesaburou#i am so normal about my six favorite characters in the series (liar)#the six years r like my pookies i love them...im trying to draw as much as possible for this character month (totally insane)#sorry if you follow me anywhere else and had to witness the insanity that is trying to draw daily (HELP ME)#i wanted to continue the trend with the fourth years of their illustrations all having different vibes but i feel like my vision wasnt supe#clear so theyre all a little more similar ORZ...the recurring cloud motifs r fun thou#i like circle compositions.#GUYS. BEING ON TWITTER IS SO INTIMIDATING THERES SO MUCH GOOD ART HELP ME#oomf made a whole amv for rokuha day.......my fakefan era...#are your faves even isaku and tomesaburou if you didnt make an entire ANIMATIC#i like how the room duos all have like the one guy whos sort of outwardly put together but has a short n quick fuse#and their chaotic kind of disaster counterpart whos actually pretty emotionally stable and grounded#they balance each other out nicely AND THEY HAVE A CLOSE RANGE AND FAR RANGE WEAPON GUY#i feel like their individual class duos r so nice together.....but i feel like the six years have so many fun combis too#they bounce off each other in fun ways AHEM HEM KENEN HEM HEM CHOUGOUGUMI AHEM TRAINING TRIO AHEM#TAG LIMIT ARGHRHGRGRHGHRGHRH trust me when i say i have infinite love for these idiots in my heart
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HELLO CAMP CAMP FANDOM !!!
I'm going so crazy about him yes yes
#can you tell im going insane ? can you? i am. i am going down the rabbit hole at insane speeds i tell you#what a GUY#such a silly little fella !!#commits a bit of murder on the side yes indeed#i do feel a liiiiittle bad for max though. unlike elvis presley he did not get wise to the devil in disguise#camp camp#cc daniel#camp camp daniel#cc max#camp camp max#cc fanart#camp camp fanart#also this is like my first time drawing for this fandom so be kind !! hahshehe#i admit i feel a little 'eeerrrhrnrngng' abt these. someday I'll understand how to actually draw david & daniel#my art
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RE drunkJop: this also gives Crozier's own drinking issues such an intriguing flavour because ofc the captain cannot be flogged so. Jop having to deal with that, maybe with resentment. Who knows maybe he himself had gotten drunk because he was done with Crozier's bullshit. Or meaning to do away with the recent bottle. (dont mind me I am just rattling the bars of your braincells' cage so that they may run free)
*the cage breaks open and my braincells scatter in every direction like this:*
IT'S EVEN SUPPORTED BY THE SHOW IN A WAY. At least in my humble reading of it.
We all know Nedward is mad when Crozier drinks but (although subtly) Jopson hates it just as much. You can see it if you pay attention to him enough. He's not exactly angry, but he HATES it when Crozier is drunk. I've made a post about it before i think *furious searching* found this one at short notice but i've definitely made more. He absolutely HATES it.
When Francis punches Fitzjames, Tom just leans against a cabinet and stays there, breathing like he's trying to calm down.
The little pause and a big eyed look before he says "two bottles, sir" has been haunting me since i thought abt it too hard one day.
A good reason for this attitude towards Crozier when he's drunk would be the "i got lashed for less and here he is still in command of a ship" attitude, or maybe, from another angle, it may be "oh my god Captin what the FUCK are you doing" thoughts.
Since he would have been just 23 (which is Insane to me HE WAS SO YOUNG WJAT THE FUWK) and the drunkenness was on duty AND severe enough for 36 lashes (jesus...) it must have been REALLY BAD i reckon.
Of course if we take the show canon, then he may be drinking because of his mother. He left her there, hand maimed, with his brother... Must have felt terrible the poor lad. Even though she wanted him to go, he might have had second thoughts. Maybe felt like like he shouldn't have left.
I think that's a really good reason.
But. If we diverge fron that a bit and step aside for a moment... Take a breather...
I think Crozier's (very bad) love language is giving people way too many/hard tasks. I SWEAR i just saw a post about it recently but i cannot for the life of me find it. How Crozier puts Little under so much preassure Because he loves and trusts him. Maybe he was doing that and more to Jopson during the Antarctic expedition. Maybe Jopson just couldn't handle the work/stress/preassure/whatever Crozier was putting him through at 23. But he was too proud to admit it/didn't want to disappoint him, so he turned to drinking. Maybe he thought nobody would notice? But then it got out of hand.
Two ways this could've gone after the lashing.
The way he's quick to fulfil commands in the show could be "you can't break me again, not like back then" kind of quiet, invisible defiance. He might think it wasn't deserved or at least not to such an extent and hold some resentment toward Crozier for it.
On the other hand he could be trying to prove to him that he's Better now and he's Stronger now and More Capable, Look, Daddy, Look At Me Aren't I So Much Better Now. Could be trying to undo all the shame from disappointing him back then with being the perfect steward now, going above and beyond although he doesn't need to.
Really an interesting thing to think about, to me. Which way did he swing? I need to think more abt this. Anyway.
It would also explain why he doesn't drink in the show! Since drinking on the job was the source of his previous punishment he'd be more likely to decline that shot from Blanky.
Then! Crozier goes dry and Teeheehee Just Like Meeee 🥰🥰 Ofc I'll Help You Get There Captiiin 🥰 And he might get a sick little kick out of it at first, because it finally feels like justice.
But then it goes on for one day too many and it's painful to watch and he starts feeling really bad for Francis. Like it's his fault Crozier's suffering so badly and he stays beside his bed for so many hours of the day and guards him so fiercly because he feels like he somehow caused it. And he doesn't want people to see the captain that way. He wants everyone to respect him and maybe to Jopson this would be the worst thing to come out of it. People not respecting Crozier.
Because nobody could understand his suffering like Jopson does of course! Nobody at all! And least of all Edward who's never had such problems but Tommy and Francis ooh they have so much in common now! He'd be insufferable about it.
(I've played with the thought of drunk Jopson in the fic, but not that much and i would love to expand on it... The Antarctic expedition in '39 would be the best way to do that it seems *sinister laughter*)
Moving on though. Timeskip!
When scurvy takes over him and his lash wounds open again he's really brave (stupid) about it and doesn't tell anyone. But it Hurts so fucking bad. So then he tells Bridgens, whom he trusts not to tell anyone and also to help him. Bridgens dresses his wounds and tells him to "Rest for god's sake". But we know Jopson ://
He doesn't rest and it gets worse and worse and he gets weak really fast until he falls while hauling one day and doesn't get up.
Crozier feels like Shit because well He Supervised that lashing. He's the Cause of this. He could've probably Stopped it, but he Didn't. He may have even ordered that lashing to be done. Oooh he'd feel so fucking miserable.
This is giving "300k fic" vibes and i don't know if im ready for that but GOD i so want to write it now. Thank you for stirring these thoughts, Anon 💖💖🙇
#This is written as very broad not specifically for the AU#For the simple reason of I think More People should think about this and i don't want to#Limit it by making it into the au#But if you ARE a fan of the au then by all means take things stated as basically canon or half-baked canon lmao#I have to sit on this a while more wow#I am. Having feelings. And so many thoughts.#It actually hurts#I have thought abt Tom drinking ofc. But this is certainly new holy shit#So many new layers i am going insane#I actually think it's going to result in a few thousand words at least#Wow#Okay#the terror#francis crozier#thomas jopson#edward little#Mention i guess
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Miwabiwis.......
I actually do like her official outfit! I just... had a deep need.... put that girl in a nightgown and slippers RIGHT NOW‼️‼️‼️‼️ Also it is admittedly so much easier to draw 🧍
I did try to keep in line with most of her official look though! Or add more emphasis to little details, like the red berries... other details I added, like the bloomers, keep the roundness of her og dress! BUT ALSO.... they are just so cutes.... I imagine they're made of rose petals...... I was also thinking angelic motifs. With the dress shape, and the smaller wings shaped as such!
#fire emblem#feh#so much of this was just. trusting her color palette actually. like i feel there are just A Lot. of colors here.#some of which idk if the even should work together!!! in combination like this!!! red/pink! easy! pink/purple! easy!#pink/green! ONE OF MY FAVES. pink/blue? CLASSIC. pink w a rainbow gradient? THE CROWD GOES WILD I LOVE THAT SHIT#pastel pink/hot pink! YIPPEE!!!!! all together?? um. all? together? all of them? you said. all of them?????? hhngh. OKAYYY....#ADD A LITTLE PINK/YELLOW IN THERE. JUST FOR FUNSIES. FOR THE BIT. ALRIGHT!!!! WHY THE FUCK NOT!!!!!!!#trying to balance this w my own touches too. like the butterfly clips. they add SO much whimsy.#you can tear those from my cold dead hands. do they match the berries at the bottom of her hair....? um. well#idk i just think she's so cute she makes it work.#another challenging thing from a logistical level though was trying to get the shapes right...#like. turning down the business of the design. trying to draw the eyes to a focal point (which i think is the gown?)#then your eyes can parse out ooohh big fluffy hair and cute round bloomers peaking through. and wings!#LIKE... i think the sleek simple gown w just a bit of ruffliness at the bottom does help a lot#she feels. balanced. i hope LMFAOOO#either way this is how i'm going to draw her now and you can't stop me. if i'm going to be drawing a chara one million times#I NEED. TO MAKE IT EASY ON MYSELF. and fun! i am SO in love w her little nightgown it's INSANE... look at hwr.... 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#mirabilis#my art
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Hehehe I'm thinking of doing a series where I yassify the fo4 companions, starting of course with X6-88 >:)c
Bonus stuff under the cut
#fallout 4#x6 88#sole survivor#fo4 companions#he would be such a big fan of Barbie actually <3#dreams of having the doll as he's seen it in old world archives#And he projects his desire to be human so hard it's insane he's all like “I am Barbie; Barbie is me”#Of course he has to squash that down in order to do the cute little atrocities he does on the daily :(#He's such a little bitch boy who represses any and all feelings I love him#Silly little robot man :')#so late to the barbie thing btw but the brainrot is real u_u
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man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.
you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.
and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.
you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,
I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3
#toy txt post#i wasnt gonna end this on that silly note. but then i had to#ugly#pretty#beauty standards#not saying its easy. not saying you have to do this#but like if youre tired of feeling insecure about your face your fashion. you gotta just figure out what you like and lean in#and you gotra recognize this shit is made up and subjective and arbitrary and you shouldnt be doing it for anyone else ever#i used to be insecure about a few features of mine that i feared made me Ugly. and then i Decided to try to find it pretty.#it sounds so stupid and made up but like literally i just. Decided. im pretty now. this is pretty. this shit is made up. why am i listening#to you. you dont know shit. im pretty now. AND THEN i decided. actually. im ugly on purpose now but not in a way that has much to do with#my actual appearance so much as my complete disregard for your opinion on my appearance. you gotta do it for you. you gotta dress for#yourself#ANYWAY#before anyone comes in with how beauty standards are often externally enforced via peer and social pressure:#yea bud im a human being on planet earth. im aware. thats why i said: as much as you are able. i recognize i have a number of privileges in#this regard that not everyone does. the way im given more space and freedom to dress like a little freak as a thin white person etc#but like i still had and have societal pressure to shave my legs and underarms to conform. theres societal and peer pressure to wear makeup#and i just. dont. the legs thing is less noticeable tho ill admit cos i also Hate Shorts but thats a whole complicated can of worms#which also involves i am not exposing myself to ticks like that are u insane#anyway. yea. the other magical thing about this philosophy of mine is that you also just dont have to. like you can just Ignore Me.#you can keep doing what youre doing and thats fine too#but genuinely if you struggle with insecurity about appearance you gotta just. this is the fake it til u make it shit#i decided im pretty now and it got easier to take selfies bc i was pretty then#doing art and exploring different faces for ocs and making them look different from the conventional beauty standards. also helped#and like dont get me wrong theres still shit im vain about appearance wise that doesnt matter. i still like to style my hair before i leave#the house etc. im still looking in the cave sometimes#but perhaps one day i will be as blissfully uncaring about ppls perception of me as a fuckin goby#anyway. anyway anyway anyway#if you do this things get so much easier. but you dont have to. i have no power over you
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Just finished the trials of Apollo and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT
These books were so different to me because they directly revolved around a topic Rick clearly wanted to touch - abuse. Specifically, familial abuse. Personally I think he’d done it gracefully in a way that really sinks in for me now, but I’m not a victim of abuse and don’t pretend to understand the subject.
Regardless, I think the way Rick wrote Apollo, Lester, was absolute perfection. There’s an art to writing a literal god in first person perspective, and have him be one of the most human characters in the entire franchise.
Lester STRUGGLES. And he’s not perfect at all, he doesn’t even begin to understand everything at the start - not the world, not consequences, not the stakes and not the people around him. But fuck he learns, he learns the hard way, the only way, by doing. And it’s not a linear journey either - between book 1 and his more or less lucid identity in book 5, he goes back and forth between learning, and relapsing to his old ways, and learning again, and trusting and understand and rising victorious in all the confusion. He doesn’t shy away from his emotions - he cries a lot, and gets frustrated, and laughs. He learns to feel for other people. But he also learns to heal himself. And he does it by helping others heal, too.
To me, this red thread tying the books together by a common serious subject, made the reading somehow more whole. I can’t explain it, but Apollo slowly verbalising (well, thinking), realising there are similarities between his relationship with Zeus to Meg’s relationship with Nero, was so satisfying. Although I feel like “satisfying” might be a bit of a harsh word. Mostly I felt proud of him. I /felt/ for him, so very much, for so long. He’s likeable because he’s so human, and that includes both his silly and tragic sides, because these coexist within all of us. And I think he as a character encompassed that beautifully.
Reading that last book, expecting a showdown of sorts between Apollo and his father, and receiving a short conversation, an understanding, instead, was amazing. Because that’s Rick’s way of showing us what’s important. No use trying to fix what we can’t, what isn’t our responsibility to fix, what makes us miserable. Humans have this natural ability to rise from their own disasters and forge out of them their own paths in life. And Apollo did just that. It took him time, but that’s how it goes for all of us. And instead of fighting Zeus, he chose happiness. He chose focusing on what’s important, his old hobbies, his friends.
In a way, I’m bittersweet- I wish he didn’t have to stay at Olympus. I wish he could spend as much time as he’d like on earth. But the thing is, a god is what he /is/. But now, he understands for the first time that he gets to pick what kind of god he should be.
And he chose the human kind.
#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I FUCKING LOVE HIM#STRAIGHT UP IN MY TOP 3 WITH PERCY AND ANNABETH#this little rant hardly even scratches the surface of the feeling I have#I’ve only just finished reading the tower of Nero#for some reason I put it off for two years but finally here we are#whatever Rick put in this character#it fucking WORKED#the joy this little loser brings me is actually insane#his development is perfect#but again#I don’t mean that just in the “’becoming less of an asshole’ way#he also learns to deal with his own set of traumas#his pain and fear and guilt#and he does that by BEING HUMAN AMONGST HUMANS#which (surprise!) I am too! and so are you!#and it hits because like. he’s there for me#he said it himself#and I think he’s right I can feel it#I love you little buddy#I hope you’re well#the trials of apollo#trials of apollo#apollo#lester papadopoulos#percy jackon and the olympians#the heroes of olympus#pjo apollo#pjo#toa#riordanverse
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Stay With Me
Summary: Santiago and Chrysos have a lot of feelings to work out. Spoiler alert: they still don't confess. Word count: 2.6k Warnings: major character not-actually death (this is my Boxing Day gift to you all) A/N: I wish I could've put Major Character Death as a real warning. Alas... such is life. Anyway :) I'm super done with writing this, I don't wanna keep going insane, I'm just gonna post it as is. It's actually pretty tame for angst on my part. Enjoy!! Tagging: @thehollowwriter (finn mention!!!) @kitwasnothere and @nahelenia as my top 3 murderers <3
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When Santiago comes to, groggy and lightheaded, he’s greeted by the watered-down sun filtering through the seas of Octavinelle above him. Bird and sky separated only by the glass and several gallons of water, his limbs sure feeling as distant and heavy as the ocean.
Ah, he thinks, ever-intelligently. How did I end up here…?
He can’t quite remember. All of his recent memories are escaping like soap bubbles in the wind.
While he racks his brain trying to figure it out, someone approaches and kneels next to him. A single glance at the person’s blonde hair and red eyes tells Santiago all he needs to know.
“Sorry about that,” Chrysos says, monotone as always. It’s hard to tell if the merman really is sorry or not. “I usually don’t get normal customers involved when 86’ing nuisances.”
Santiago can’t help the smirk that comes to him all too easily. “Are you sure I wasn’t the nuisance?”
“Hard to say,” replies Chrysos with an amused huff. He stands back up and offers Santiago a hand, to help him stand up.
Something about it feels off—maybe because Chrysos’ gaze seems so benevolent, that he seems so unbothered about gently helping someone he’d normally be too embarrassed or proud to. Still, Santiago laughs and sits up. “Tight-lipped as always,” he comments, and reaches for Chrysos’ hand, pulling himself up to stand.
They hold hands for a moment longer than they need to. It feels, if he dares to admit it just to himself, nice—
“Hold it.”
As if he’s been burned, Santiago jumps away from Chrysos at the sound of Azul’s voice. Approaching them are the Octavinelle housewarden and his entourage of three.
Santiago notices, with a distant sense of dread, that he’s never seen Chrysos look so furious and disappointed upon seeing his upperclassmen.
“Get back, Parrotfish,” Floyd warns. “That’s not the right Lionfishie to be getting all buddy-buddy with.”
How odd. Why would Floyd, of all people, go out of his way to warn him?
Santiago glances at the Octaquartet, then at Chrysos, whose expression is steadily darkening.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Chrysos says coldly.
“My, my.” Jade conceals his magic pen, clasped tightly in one hand, beneath the other. “There’s no need for that frigid tone. I’m sure we’re already on the same page.”
“No?” interjects Santiago. “No, we’re not. What’s going on?”
Finn looks him dead in the eye and then cocks his head towards Chrysos.
Santiago turns back around, and everything changes.
Where Chrysos was just standing as normal, there’s suddenly inky shadows surrounding the Octavinelle freshman. His eyes flare red-and-yellow as the ink (no, blot) viciously wraps around him in strands to form a cocoon of sorts. Santiago staggers back when the cocoon contracts, a dark purple haze spreading throughout the area and blocking out the sun. The whole dorm is plunged into a deep-sea darkness.
It’s Chrysos and a towering Phantom now, him hovering a little too close to the glowing pendant around its neck for anyone’s liking.
“We’re running out of time,” Azul says grimly. “Our fight from earlier didn’t do anything—”
“I’ll help fight him if it cuts down on time,” Santiago immediately declares without missing a beat. “If it saves his life.”
“Of course you would. Well, stay sharp, then.”
And Santiago tries, of course—
—but it doesn’t stop him from misfiring at some point, trying to hit the Phantom, only for it to grab Chrysos with a sickening crunch of his ribs and hold him up in range of the destructive fire spell. Santiago can only watch as it strikes Chrysos indiscriminately.
The resulting wail of agony is bloodcurdling and unbearable, but not nearly as much as when the Phantom moves a thrashing Chrysos closer and closer to its chest, a gaping hole like a beast’s maw forming there, the pendant dangling right before it.
“Wait—”
It’s what all the teachers warn about when they discuss the occurrences of Overblots. Defeat the Phantom, and the victim will come out unscathed. Take too long to destroy it, and the Phantom will… will…
Chrysos is brought to that gap, drawn in like an object near a black hole.
Santiago can’t breathe.
He can’t bring himself to close his eyes either. Even when a sinking feeling blossoms in his stomach, gripping him with all the force of a predator’s claws.
The ‘hand’ of the Phantom squeezes, another crunch of body parts that shouldn’t be breaking—
“Don’t you dare take him—let him go—” Santiago begs, but it’s useless.
The Phantom simply. Tucks Chrysos away in itself like nothing. Ignorant to his furious, fearful screams.
The hole in its chest closes over with viscous blot.
Santiago can’t look away.
“Ah… Ahh…”
He
can’t
look
away—
“AAAAAHHHHH—!!!”
A guttural scream tears its way out into the open from Santiago’s raw throat, burning and hoarse and painful. Still begging for a life not his own, his eyes fly open as he sits up in a grieving frenzy. “Chrysos, please, don’t leave—!”
“I’m right here,” calls a familiar voice from beside him, miraculously free of its terrifying Overblot overlay. It’s melodious and soothing, easy on the ears, just when he thought he’d never hear it again.
“You—” Santiago’s hand shoots out without thinking, clamping down on Chrysos’ where it was gripping the edge of his blanket.
…his… blanket…?
Only then does Santiago realize, half-delirious, that he’s on a bed in the school infirmary. He’s not in Octavinelle, he’s not surrounded by torrents and mists of pure blot. The air is clear here, and the sun is shining bright and pleasant through the windows like it does through the forest canopy back home. Although his lungs still burn a little, everything’s okay.
And, looking at the boy sitting right next to him—Chrysos is okay. He’s alive.
In silent awe, Santiago squeezes the cold, ungloved hand in his a little more tightly.
He’s alive.
Chrysos bites his lower lip and pointedly avoids looking at their joined hands. “What a nightmare you were having,” he says, false indifference in his tone. “Screaming like that… You’re lucky the nurse isn’t in right now.”
Santiago blinks. “A nightmare?”
“Yes. You were trembling and crying out in your sleep. If it weren’t the first time you’d shown any signs of movement in days…” Chrysos trails off, brows pressed tightly together.
Putting aside the fact that it was all little more than a bad dream, thank the Great Seven— “What do you mean, in days?” Santiago echoes disbelievingly. “I don’t even know how I ended up here, and you’re telling me I’ve been unconscious for days? Hello? Way to hit me with the double whammy.”
It was an attempt to lighten the mood for both their sakes, but when the corners of Chrysos’ mouth twitch downwards and his lips thin in a stressed frown, Santiago immediately realizes he’s said something either really wrong or really stupid. Or both.
“You don’t remember what happened at the SDC?” asks Chrysos. “Weren’t you there? You know, for Schoenheit’s Overblot, like Yu said…”
Santiago’s eyes widen. He only slightly loosens his grip on Chrysos’ hand a second later. “Oh, you mean—”
Toxic purple mist surrounded them, reeking of a sickly sweet concoction.
More saccharine still was the smile on Vil’s face. Even as blot dripped down his snow-white face from beneath his elaborate crown, he still found it in himself to pursue being the fairest one of all.
Showing simultaneously all and nothing of his burning jealousy and bitterness.
“—yeah, I remember,” he continues, letting out a laugh with no real humor in it. “I even remember getting a faceful of poisonous mist and then passing out right after the awards ceremony ‘cause I tried to act tough.”
“At least your brain wasn’t permanently damaged. That’s good,” remarks Chrysos with a half-hearted smirk. “Maybe you’ll be out of here sooner than I thought.”
No, there was definitely a screw knocked loose if Santiago was imagining Chrysos Overblotting in place of Vil… much less sobbing desperately at the possibility of his death…
…Santiago swallows, mouth suddenly dry for no good reason. “Uh-huh? I don’t know, I still feel a little off.”
He nearly jumps out of his skin when Chrysos suddenly leans forward, hand subconsciously moving at lightning speed to place itself on Santiago’s wrist. “You still feel off? You’re not messing with me, are you?” he asks, voice demanding with a hint of… something else. “I swear, I will have the nurse over here faster than—”
“Whoa! Don’t get your boxers in a twist, jeez!” Santiago exclaims, and Chrysos halts immediately. “Am I still dreaming? Did you just gaslight me into thinking this is reality? I mean, seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worried about me.”
“I’m not worried,” retorts Chrysos, although the watery look in his eyes as he tries to meet Santiago’s gaze says otherwise. And where there would normally be an underlying bite to his tone, it’s totally absent. “Isn’t it fair to ask questions when a certain someone has been unconscious for days?”
Nevermind, I’m definitely not still dreaming.
“So you’ve been worried about me. Got it.” Hopefully that isn’t giddiness bubbling up in his chest, despite—or because of—the way Chrysos sputters out another denial, because it sure as hell is conflicting with his sense of spite. “Why don’t you save any of it for yourself? You’ve been a resident here way more often than me.”
Chrysos stiffens, before puffing up a little; chin lifted indignantly and gaze judgmental. Santiago wouldn’t have it any other way.) “I was conscious all those times and did not actively inhale dangerous toxins made by a very powerful mage.”
Seriously, this guy… Santiago shakes his head. “Dude, I heard you nearly turned yourself into sand that one time, also because of ‘a very powerful mage.’ I saw for myself when you could’ve died fighting Jamil or Overblotted at the same time and had to stay in the infirmary for a very lengthy check-up. You know, you—”
died in my dream because of me and I would never forgive you or myself for that matter if that actually happened,
“—are a grade-A idiot getting hung up on the wrong details,” he decides to say instead. “One of these days, you’re gonna end up back here and I’m gonna get to say ‘I told you so.’”
“Hmph.” Chrysos scoffs and turns his head away. To anyone else, it might look aristocratically prim and stuck-up in the way his hair tosses slightly. “You wouldn’t come running to my bedside crying out my name, then?”
It’s Santiago’s turn to stiffen, feeling called out in too many ways. “...fuck, I forgot you heard me talking in my sleep. Well…” He pauses, searching for an appropriate response. “I would if you wanted me to.” He doesn’t have time to appreciate how smooth that was on his part before his traitorous mouth moves faster than his brain, going right ahead and saying, “And I’d still do it even if you didn’t want me to, ‘cause if you die on me I’m absolutely going to—”
Crap! Backtrack, backtrack, backtrack!
He shuts up immediately before he can incriminate himself any more, pursing his lips and watching carefully for signs of a negative reaction.
Almost too neutrally, Chrysos glances back over at him from the corner of his eyes, the piercing look in his irises only partially hidden by his lashes. “...You really would be that concerned?”
“Maybe,” Santiago answers, pasting on a nervous smile.
“‘Maybe’ isn’t an acceptable response.” Chrysos looks him straight in the eyes. His hand feels warmer, for some reason. “Don’t be shy. What would you do?”
Santiago huffs defensively. “Fancy that, you telling me to not be shy—”
“Santiago. Stop messing with me already.”
That tone, desperate and curious and impatient all in one, is singlehandedly more commanding than any other order Santiago has ever gotten in his life.
The beastman slumps back against the headrest, being sapped of his will to argue. He already knows it’s pointless. It’s kind of hard to beat around the bush when the bush has already slapped you in the face with a very thorny nightmare. “Miss you, probably. I mean, I dreamed about it, but…”
He thinks about the way he screamed and forced himself to wake up because that scenario had seemed so real. Probably can only begin to describe whatever he was feeling.
“...Well. You’re the only person who’s ever gotten me, y’know, so don’t die because you couldn’t help yourself. I don’t wanna have to cope with my dream becoming reality. Please,” he finishes lamely.
“Oh.” Chrysos stares blankly at him for a moment, then at their hands. “...oh,” he repeats, in a much quieter ‘sudden realization’ sort of voice.
Santiago squints at him. “Dude. What kind of guy tells his buddy to open up about his feelings in such a pleading tone and then is surprised when he actually opens up about it?”
“The one right next to you who was expecting his buddy to dodge the question again.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Santiago replies, rolls his eyes.
Chrysos worries his bottom lips, gaze shifting to the side suspiciously quickly. It looks like he’s considering something.
“...Are you taking that literally?” Santiago wants Chrysos to take what he said literally, to be honest, but that’s beside the point.
“Because you’re so dense, yes,” Chrysos snaps back. His free hand comes up to tug one of his curls closer to his face in that bashful way he always does. “If you died like you could’ve from Schoenheit’s poison, I would march right over to the afterlife and drag you back into the world of the living. Then I’d beat you into the ground for hurting me like that. Your ass is not leaving this life until I say it’s okay to. Does that make enough sense to you?”
“I don’t remember the story of the musician and his muse being this violent,” mutters Santiago, feeling incredibly touched despite the brash nature of that admission. Or maybe because of it.
Chrysos’s cheeks flush as red as the ends of his hair. “You asked. I delivered. Look who’s being a hypocrite now.”
“Touché.”
It feels like something between them has… changed, when they both fall silent for lack of things to say. Not in the terrifying way Santiago’s surroundings shifted during his nightmare, but a change for the better. Like a burden has been lifted off his shoulders, making the silence bearable.
“I… think I may need to go,” Chrysos says, a dusting of pink still on his face. Maybe because he’s spoken too much, or at least by his own standards. He stands up, letting go of Santiago’s hand. “Culture fair and. All that. You know how it is. I’ll see you—”
“Wait a minute.”
Santiago reaches out and, instead of just grabbing, intertwines their fingers. His longer ones settle perfectly between Chrysos’ knuckles as if they were meant to be there.
The merman goes still.
“Hypothetically,” Santiago begins, “if I asked you to stay a little longer—would you say yes?”
Chrysos’ mouth opens, freezes, and then closes. When he next speaks, it’s slow and cautious, like he’s testing out how the words actually feel. Testing the waters. “In this hypothetical scenario… I could be convinced to stay. Possibly.”
“Cool. So don’t run away just yet. Stay here with me.”
They make eye contact.
“...How persuasive. Well—” Chrysos sighs and sits back down, before offering Santiago a small smirk. Barely noticeable, but there. “It seems like I’ve actually got plenty of time to spare all of a sudden.”
Santiago can’t help but smile too.
#kai's writing#twisted wonderland#twst#twst oc#santiago parro#chrysos pendentif#with a minor guest appearance from#finn clearcove#canon character appearances <3 too lazy to tag once again#bro. these. these freaking two.#santiago 'i cope using humor because i don't think my true feelings are socially acceptable to talk about' parro#and chrysos 'i am going to go ten different kinds of insane if this bird doesn't speak clearly to me' pendentif#theyre FINALLY getting over themselves a little#santiago: im going to hide how i feel about this! he'll never know!#santiago when chrysos deems the situation dire enough to actually sniff out his bullshit: ...fuck#ill stop going insane in the tags but#these two are literally an inch away from just confessing 💀 im so done with them
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2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso
#i realized. its actually so unwell of me how i basically make the same exact interview gifs of him ever single day of a race wknd#like hes basically doing the same thing in all of them#and yet every time i still go absolutely insane iver ever one like OH YM GOD LOOK AT HIM!? ISNT HE ADORABLE?? ISNT HE THE BEST??#so uh yeah hope you too are insane like me and obsess over every little bit of footage we get#that meme 'its like a reward' literally me after every session making these#sometimes i feel the impulse to apoligize but then im like what no this is my blog i can make whatever i want#the important thing is that it makes ME feel incredibly unwell to the point of screaming#also might be because its 5 am and ive had a red bull... maybe that...#^ first gif made me in near tears due to these conditions i think. or maybe im just really that insane abt him. prob that.#'im done with his ass' i say as i make odd animal noises over a simple clip of him#the screenshots from both this and the quali interview....gahhhh im so mentally unwell#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#2023 las vegas gp#we do a little bit of f1
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what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.
#theo.txt#spn#charlie#spn spoilers#spn 10x21#almost none of the women who've gotten fridged on this show have deserved it but still#good god this one made me especially angry#why do you use this character for a plot point and then ship her off somewhere. to oz or to the afterlife. so often?#she was such a cool character with a good story that i enjoyed and related to and THIS is what they did with her?? and from my perusing she#doesn't even really come back like bobby occasionally does?? and his death. while devastating to me as somebody who really liked him. still#felt WAY better than this#sorry i ended that episode with my jaw on the fucking FLOOR oh my god. /neg#what did she have to die for? where is that post about female characters dying so male characters can feel sad but it's a gifset of all the#bullshit ass deaths of women on supernatural#i love the show fucking obviously but jesus h christ.#but also you know what. having the context that i have. still a fucked up thing to say but i see why dean says That to sam now during#charlie's funeral. it IS an interesting look into how they respond to the other one violating their wishes/freedoms and into their larger#dynamic actually! but thats not what this post is really about#wow. i am actually livid. poor fucking charlie.#if she was like a sister to the winchesters how about you bring her back huh? how about you revive her? jesus christ#i wonder what her heaven is like. i hope its dnd and movie night with the girls#i took a little break mid-typing this to see if i was just being insane and angry but no the super wiki has a whole section about the fan#outrage at charlie's death and the discussions it furthered about the show's misogynistic tendencies#and you know what? good!#ok anyway. im going to go browse charlie art and feel abnormal now.#supernatural#charlie bradbury
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