#i am a liar i cant sleep

[kayak-lmao]

I guess this is my life now

Without filter and og image ^^

I wanna start putting songs with my art so uhhh this does not fit at all but I like Chappell so it's going here anyways

Also NO I didn't draw his hand backwards, he is pressing it with with pinky because he is extra >:(

[manicali]

The weekend isn't enough I've literally been passing out on the bus.

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.

[drunkndaized]

Get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head

[jackass-jones]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

[tortademaracuya]

Going 'haha I do that' while reading about symptoms of depression and immediately shutting the thoughts down

[hyperexplosion]

.

[ceruleansx]

for eternity | jack champion

↳ pairing : beachgirl!reader x actor!jackchampion

↳ warnings : nothing much but pure fluff, insecurity, comfort

↳ summary : after a long year of filming for scream 6, you, jack, and the other cast members decide to take a trip to one of their beach houses along the coast. you two spend some time together on the beach, only for him to end up confessing his love.

↳ a/n : hey guys!! sry its been a while, but i would really love if any of you guys dropped some requests!!

------------------------------------------------------------

"okay okay!!" jenna screamed as she looked around at everyone. "there's gonna be two cars."

she started naming everyone's assigned seats (just for fun), but you weren't paying attention. you were paying attention to jack. he was there in a little puffy jacket, since he got cold so easily.

his curls looked perfect that day. but not like they always were. you loved his hair. sometimes you just wanted to hug him so tight and mess around with his curly hair.

"and in the backback seat is gonna be y/n and jack!" jenna gave you a smirk.

she knew that you had the biggest crush on him ever since you two started filming. you were his 'love interest' and the directers told you that you guys had to spend quality time together.

but you and jack enjoyed each other's company, without any of the directors orders. sometimes you thought that jack liked you, but you were just too delusional.

you nodded as you walked over to jack. he looked and smiled back at you. now it was his turn to stare.

jack liked you for forever. he started liking you when he saw a movie that you were in. he was practically in love with you. in his eyes, you were basically the only girl living.

but he didn't know how to show it.

---------------

jack insisted that you went into the very backseat first. your tummy flustered at his action, but he was just being a gentlemen you thought.

the backback seat was very tight for some reason. so now, you two were basically squished. it wasn't awkward or anything, you two were very close.

"hope your not claustrophobic." you laughed.

his face looked like he was gonna puke, "now i am because i'm next to you." he joked.

you opened your mouth, about to say something, but he covered your mouth with his hand.

he could feel your cheeks burning through his palm, and he smiled softly at the expression and feeling. he patted his lap.

"cmere.." he said softly. "it's gonna be a long drive."

you rolled your eyes playfully. "dude the drive is an hour."

he chuckled softly. "so? lay down, cus when we get there i'm throwing you into the ocean."

"cant wait for that." you said as you laid your head down on his lap.

he was honestly so comfy, and so warm. he smelled good too. he was surprised at his own demand of making you lay down on his lap, but he wanted more.

he laid his hands down on your head and started to massage your scalp. you adjusted yourself to be more comfortable, trying to avoid him seeing your face completely red. the others in the front and other back were too busy talking to notice. but jack liked it. he liked being alone with you, just the two of you.

you eventually dozed off to sleep, and jack did too. his hands were now placed on your waist and shoulder, keeping you safe and secure, even though no one was there.

---------------

"cmon sleepy head." jack teased as you stumbled of the car.

everyone finally arrived to the rented beach house in time. the house was just in front of the beach, the type where the backyard door just led to the ocean and sand.

"i'm weak jack!! i'm done forr.." you groaned, pretending that you bag weighed 1,000 pounds.

he rolled his eyes and ran over to help you. he grabbed the strap of your backpack and lifted it up with no effort.

"the hell?!" he laughed.

he heard you snicker in the back of him. "you little liar!!" he grabbed your waist and picked you up.

"jack!! what the heck-" he put you over his shoulder, "oh my gosh jack if you drop me!" you screamed playfully.

"i won't" baby. he almost said it. he practically thanked the gods that he stopped saying what he was gonna say.

you gave up your efforts of trying to get down. but deep down in your heart, you really enjoyed being so close to him all the time. first the car ride, now this? it had to be a dream for you, but you always were overthinking. jack was just being a good friend. nothing else.

but it wasn't like that in jacks case. jack adored you. his eyes were only for you and forever for you. he would practically worship the ground you walked on. or he would paint every sunset you saw. he really hoped you felt the same way.

after everyone got into their rooms, you and jack started to unpack. the room was a good size, and there was one big bed.

"can you unpack fasterr??" you begged as jack folded every single piece of clothing.

"patience y/n.." he laughed inside as he saw that all you wanted was to go to the beach.

everyone was already unpacked, and they all decided to order panda express and play mario kart. but you nor jack wanted to. you begged him to go to the beach with him and watch the sunset.

he folded his last hoodie and he closed the drawer. "done!" he sighed, seeing a big grin on your face.

"finally gosh." you looked at his outfit.

you were already in your bikini. it was jack's favorite one, but you didn't have to know that. it clung your body so perfectly. sometimes jack wished that you saw yourself in jacks eyes. so beautiful.

"what?" he stared confused.

"where's your bathing suit?"

"oh! yeah." he grabbed the end of his shirt and took it off.

youve seen him shirtless before at the pool parties, but boy he was mesmorizing. his abs were toned so perfectly with his skin.

he caught you staring, and he couldn't help but turn a bright shade of pink. he cleared his throat. "my eyes are up here.." he teased.

you blinked before meeting his gaze. "i just zoned out jeezzz, don't worry, those crazy fan girls will take you all for themselves." you rolled your eyes playfully

"hmmm but what they don't know is that theres a special someonee." he hummed.

you gasped. you tried to pretend that you didn't like him, so he could spit out his crush. theres a part of you that was praying that it was going to be you.

"whoo?! who is it who is it." you started to punch his chest softly.

"stop-pp-" he giggled, since he was so ticlish. he blushed strongly again.

"let's just go to the beach you little baby." he ruslted you hair.

you rolled your eyes, "finee."

-------------

the sunset was beautiful tonight. jack thought for a moment. for some reason, whenever he saw a sunset, he thought of you. you were his sunset. his light.

he turned to you, seeing the colors of the sky through your pupils. you turned to him and met his gaze. you two held eye contact for which seemed like forever, until you heared a two shrieks.

"o-m-g!! jack champion!!" some two girls near you and jack's age came running offer.

"that's me..!" he said as he cringed to himself.

he looked a little uncomfortable. he was. a perfect moment with his girl ruined. well, in his mind you were his girl.

"can we pleasee take a photo with you??" they begged.

before jack said yes, they both gave you nasty looks. jack noticed their gaze towards you, and he also noticed you reaction. he saw that you were hurt, and that you were looking at one of the girl's bodies.

'she was really pretty' you thought. jack mustve liked her or something since he did a little pose with her, you also thought.

jack didn't though. ever since he met you, he never liked anyone else. and he knew it was going to stay like that.

after a few more pictures, they finally left. he gave a big sigh and sat on the towel next to you again. "told you." you said.

he turned, his curly hair moving along with his head.

"told me what?"

"those fans girls are gonna snatch you up quick."

he chuckled softly, saddened that you thought like that. "nahh, what makes you think that?"

"they were very pretty. perfect bodies too." you brought your knees to your chest and hugged them tight.

jacks eyes turned into guilt and sadness. "well your pretty too.." he said softly.

"yeah but-" you pointed out, "how could a guy not go for girls like them? they got the whole package and stuff."

he paused, scared off what to say next, hoping that it doesn't ruin your friendship. "but maybe.." he whispered.

"maybe some guys don't want annoying girls like them."

you turned your head, finding jack already admiring you. "y/n i-" he stuttered.

why was it so hard to speak? maybe it was because he was confessing his only one true love towards you.

"i'm in love with you. and i know it doesn't make sense because were not even dating, so im not really supposed to say-" he rambled before his words were cut off with your lips.

his breath stopped before he accepted the lustfull kiss. his lips were soft, but filled with such need that hes been keeping. his hands cupped your head as you two started to learn each other's movements.

you finally pulled away and pressed your forehead to his. "your so perfect.." he whispered.

"jack i-" you gulped. "i love you so much, words can't even explain."

"words can't explain how beautiful you are in my eyes y/n. i will love you for eternity." he said.

and with that, you pulled his face towards yours for another deep and loving kiss.

[riordanness]

— say don’t go - [tmr!newt]

wordcount: 0.9K

warnings: uh- you have the flare

requested: no

We’d been running for… how long? It felt like forever. Days and days of scorching heat, oppressive sunlight, harsh winds. My throat feels dry all the time, my eyes ache, and my legs are rubber.

At least I have Newt. No one could ask for a better friend. He’s always there for me, right beside me no matter what. He gives me the water even though I know he must be just as thirsty as I am.

He makes sure he’s the one carrying the pack we’re supposed to be sharing; he’s always taking my turns.

How can I tell him I know I’m not immune? That the cranks scratched me back in that old warehouse a few days ago? The weight of knowing my days are dissolving in front of my eyes is so heavy I can barely breathe. What should I do? What does anyone do, knowing you’re about to die?

I know I have to tell him soon. I can’t keep putting it off — it’s killing me in more ways than one.

Minho calls for a stop hours after nightfall. I have lost complete track of time; too lazy to keep track with my wristwatch. My head is fuzzy enough as it is.

Newt glances at me, and gives me a weak smile. I try to return it, but I can’t. I collapse to the ground, my knees giving way after one too many hours of walking.

Newt is at my side in an instant. “Are you alright?”

I try to nod my head. “Just… tired. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He holds out our shared water bottle. There’s barely a gulp left in the bottom.

I shake my head. “You take it. I had it last.”

“No.” Newt is serious. “You need it more than I do. Besides…” He hesitates, but doesn’t continue. I’m too scared to ask what he means.

I eventually give it and take the water, the few semi-cold drops helping immensely. I feel my body shutting down, my eyes trying to close.

Newt shifts over to sit beside me. “Go to sleep, love.”

I don’t even try to stay awake. I lean against him and am instantly in darkness.

The next thing I know, I’m startled awake. I don’t know why, as it’s still pretty dark, the air is still cool, and none of the boys have stirred. I wonder briefly if a sound in the night woke me, but I see and hear nothing.

It’s probably just the growing anxiety and disease taking over my brain. I inch away from Newt, desperate not to wake him. He’s been doing so much for me, for everyone. I owe him my life ten times over, and I don’t want to disturb maybe the last peaceful sleep he may get.

I get to my feet, and my eyes stray to Newt’s sleeping face. I have a ridiculous urge to touch his cheek. He looks so soft and pretty and perfect, just laying there.

I force myself to turn around. I walk a minute, until I stumble across a little boulder and sit down, my chin in my hands. This illness inside of me is eating me up. I can feel myself fading away, everything that makes me me slowly dissolve into nothing.

I don’t know how long I sit there, despairing.

Eventually, someone approaches. I can tell by the slightly uneven footsteps who it is even before they speak.

“Hey, Newt.” I have no emotion in my voice, struggling to keep it even.

“Y/n,” he replies, gently sitting beside me. “What’s up, love?”

I shrug. “Nothin’.”

Even though it’s too dark to tell properly, I know he’s got his you-are-such-a-bad-liar face on. “Y/n.”

I sigh. “Okay. Fine. I—“ But the words die in my throat. I can’t seem to find the right way to tell the boy I love more than anything that I’m about to, well, die.

“You have the bloody Flare.” The anger in Newt’s voice takes me by surprise more than the fact that he knows.

“What—“

He slams his hand into the rock we’re sitting on, cutting me off. “It’s not fair!” He hisses. “We have to fix this, we have to—I cant, lose you—“

His voice cracks, and I hear him inhale sharply, like he’s trying not to cry.

That makes me break down. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I sob. “I just—I didn’t want… I don’t know. I just don’t want this.”

“Nobody shuckin’ wants the Flare, Y/n.” Newt’s voice is gruff, but almost teasing, a little reminder of what we used to be together. Joking, teasing best friends.

That makes me break down completely, and I cry heartbrokenly into my hands. I feel Newt wrap his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I cry into him, clinging to his shirt like it’s my life.

“Newt,” I manage. “I’m going to die.”

“No you’re not.” His tone is firm. “I’m not gonna lose you. I—I love you, ya dumb shank.”

“What…?” My tears come to a hiccuping stop, and I lift my head to look at him. “You…”

He lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Yeah. Sorry. Bad timing?”

I shake my head, a smile on my face despite it all. “I love you too, idiot.”

“Oh,” Newt laughs. “Oh, okay. Good.”

I lean towards him, pressing a kiss to his mouth. “Just hold me, please? Help me forget for a while.”

And Newt does exactly that.

[212-apricity]

mastermind, part eleven

we’re so back,

last gcse on friday AND bridgerton AND euros???😟😟 getting spoiled stoppp😍😍

goodness gracious im so sick and tired of this exam rubbish gosh i cant wait to be done😫😫,

anyways if you’re reading this rn im eternally grateful to you bc the way i wouldve left if i was you…

no but seriously i love you guys so so much😕😕, this is a very short one (apologies) bc its the first time ive written since like last year (we’re ignoring that) and i really hope you enjoy the scraps ive put together while on no sleep for the past 72 hours. as a result (look at me using exam terminology in my day to day life😋) there may be some typos or like whole sections that arent meant to be there so very sorry for that, i think it should be fine though

anyways have a great day/night, pls pls pls lmk what you think of it and PLEASE send me requests for absolutely anything🙏🙏🙏

warnings: none i think!!

masterlist

theodore nott masterlist

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

“Here,” Theo hands me a sandwich he had managed to make with the little supplies we had left, “You need to eat something.”

I absent-mindedly take the plate from him and take a bite as he sits besides me on the tattered sofa and grabs the radio on the table, fiddling around with it.

“They’ll be okay darling,” he reassures for the millionth time, switching between stations, “I promise.”

I look to him with glassy eyes and lean my head on his shoulder as he kisses the top of my head.

He finally finds the right channel and holds my hand as I continue to eat the sandwich. We listen out for any news of our families or Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Theo and I had been moving around, camping here and there for a few months now. Lord knows where the other three had gotten to. Looking for them would be foolish and most likely unfruitful under these circumstances. Theo had been comforting me and making sure I sustained myself this whole time, I don’t really know what I’d’ve done without him.

“Theo, can I ask you something out of the blue?” I asked him as he lifted a cup of tea to his lips, raising his eyebrows and humming, “Do you still love me?” I questioned in a way that wasn’t accusatory, but rather of wonder.

His eyes glassed over slightly as he put his cup away and looked to me with a confused- almost offended expression. “Why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know we just haven’t been this close and alone since.. The Yule Ball and I wasn’t sure where we stood.” I shrugged, trying to read his thoughts.

“Tesoro,” he started “I look for you in every crowd, I search for your eyes in the nature around me. I savour and stretch any moment we have together. I endlessly shame myself for leaving you  that day, but it was a necessary evil. I couldn’t let you get hurt. Not even a little bit. I lett you patch me up after fights even when I don’t like people helping me. I talk to you about my mother and father and I take delight in all your accomplishments. I love the way you talk to me, I love the way you are and I am eternally grateful that you’ve forgiven me somehow.”

I look at him with teary eyes and big smile on my face as he recisprocates and grabs my face in his warm hands smiling at me, “Doubt whether stars are fire; or the sun moves across the sky; or truth itself be a liar; but never doubt whether I love you.”

I kiss him softly.

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

“Hey I wanted to ask you,” I began as the smooth chatter of the radio fades into the background and he looks at me with his blue eyes, “Do you think we should go back to Grimmauld place? I mean it’d be a lot safer than us being in the middle of fucking nowhere, we’d be able to see everyone else and we’re running out of supplies anyways.”

Just as Theo opened his mouth to respond, a letter flew into the tent in front of us as Theo and I instinctively grabbed our wands before seeing the parchment.

Theo gives me a confused look as I say, “Who’d know we were here?” and grabs the envelope.

He opens it cautiously as I keep my wand pointed at it, just in case, and starts to read the contents aloud.

“Dearest Y/n, it pains me to have to invite you to this bloodbath or anywhere near it but I am doing so with The Order’s direct command. We are all either stationed or arriving to Hogwarts for the upcoming battle, you and Theodore should get here as soon as possible, and please darling at least for my sake, try and keep out of danger. I cannot say much at this point but you must get here quickly. Come to your common room and when you arrive, I’ll be there. Yours, Sirius.”

Theo and I stand in silence for a few minutes, rereading the letter again and again until Theo backs away and starts preparing a bag big enough for one. I break out of my gaze and collect some of my things I need to bring and pass them to Theo to put in the bag but all he does is give me a look of confusion.

“What’s this for?”

“My things?”

Something crosses Theo’s face before he hides it with a blank look, he returns to his packing and clears his throat before saying, “No, you need to stay here.”

“What?” I say, astounded at his words, “What do you mean stay here?! I’m coming with you, Sirius told both of us to come.”

He abruptly stopped packing and sighed, giving me a look of desperation and exhaustion. “Listen to me,” he begged, stepping closer and taking my hands in his slightly shaky ones, “You need to stay here. You’ve already been though too much and if Bellatrix sees you I have no idea what she’ll do but I will not risk your safety. Not ever. So please darling, please listen to me for once and stay here.”

“Theo that’s so unreasonable, what if I’m in-”

“If you are in danger,” he breaks me off “Go to Grimmauld Place and send me a patronus immediately. If you come to Hogwarts with me, I’d be worrying about you the entire time anyways, and you’d be targeted along with Harry.”

“What if you get hurt?” I ask, shoving my thoughts aside for a moment, lowering my voice at the thought.

He pauses, staring at my eyes, his swimming in hesitancy, “Darling I’d rather it be me than you.”

“Theo-” he kisses me suddenly before I can protest, he runs his hands though my hair and the other on the small of my back. He kisses me for the first time, and he kisses me as though its our last. 

He breaks away and looks at me with teary eyes,

“Sei il mio cuore, la mia vita, il mio unico e solo pensiero.”

You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

He looks lovingly into my eyes as though trying to memorise every detail about me before rolling is eyes, sighing and blinking tears away as he smiles and looks to the ceiling before bringing me to his chest and saying, “I know you.”

I look up at him with confusion as he holds me in his arms, his hands on either side of my waist as he looks down at me, “I know you, and I know that you’re going to come to Hogwarts anyway. No matter what I say.”

He smiles at me sadly as I snicker in his chest amongst tears, “But I swear if you hurt yourself,” he warns, resting his chin on the top of my head.

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LOLL that was so shit im so sorry...

anyways im so happy i FINALLY got this out like omggg it had been a MINUTE...

pls lmk what you thought and pls send me requests on what else to do‼️‼️‼️

[lovelykil]

「 All Nighter 」

main 4 x reader older ver.

cw; silly 😭😭

note; someone requested this and I am here to deliver, also this is what I would see with the main 4 lacking slumber from an all nighter... chaotic

Your eyes hung low, blinking slowly.

Kyle's eyes twitched, his hair in a mess looking like he was going insane.

Cartman fell onto Kyle's shoulder closing his eyes to rest but then opening them back up and shook his head awake.

Stan was spiraled out on the ground, his eyes looking up at the white ceiling in thought soon letting his eyelids close on their own while Kenny read through a playboy magazine, laying down with one leg over his knee 'oohing' every once in a while with a flip of a page.

It was around 3 and it looked like 2 or maybe 3 people were going to throw in the towel.

"Cartman stop laying on me."

"I'm not even laying on y‐"

"Yes you are quit it and go sit somewhere else!" Kyle poked Eric's shirt with a harsh tone. Fighting the urge to get some sleep in was making him crankier than ever.

You rubbed your face chuckling a bit, "Yall all are like an old couple fighting all the time." You snickered, sitting up on your bed. The two looked at you almost like you were insane.

Kyle just rolled his eyes as Cartman folded his arms.

"He started it."

"No fuck you, you did."

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh u-"

The ginger groaned out loud having enough, he pushed Eric away from him causing him to tumble off the small bed.

He crashed to the ground with a thud that was so loud it immediately made Stan wake up from the noise and the floor shifting some bit.

"YOU started IT FATASS"

"AYE! WHAT THE HELL KAHL?"

"What the HELL WAS THAT?"

"BAHAHAAH" the sound of cartman hitting the floor so rough made you burst out laughing to the point where you couldn't breath, curling up into a ball as your stomach ached.

Lord the lack of sleep was really getting to you lmafo (me)

"I- CANT.. BREAATHHH-"

"WHYD YOU PUSH ME ASSHOLE?" Cartman picked himself up, standing infront of Kyle. Kyle explained himself yelling at the fatass which made Eric yell back pointing his finger in his face. They both went back and forth, using the last of of their energy to bitch at each other.

You rolled around in your bed holding onto your stomach for dear life hollering for help.

Stan rubbed his eyes, groaning from all the rucks, he gave up on the all nighter challenge and just deciding to crash but now he wanted to leave your house and sleep on the street than deal with this shit.

With tears in your eyes you pleaded to Stan for help, Kenny was quite literally in his own world at this point being so unbothered by what was happening behind him.

"Oh my god.. Y/n stop laughing please."

"I AMM-... FUCKING.. TRY- INGGG HELP MEEE PLEASE." Stan watched as you held out your hand for him to grab. He looked at your hand then at you.

Blinking slowly, his movements slow and tired.

"No."

"WHAT"

"goodnight, I'm sleeping in your bathroom. Kenny wanna come?" Stan walked passed Kenny, his hand motioning him to follow along. Kenny shrugged, getting up to follow the emo with the magazine in his hands.

"I call tub!"

"What? no I want the tub."

"I called dibs on it first though." Kenny ran passed Stan to reach the bathroom first. Stan ran after him after standing still from shock.

"KENNY I SWEAR"

"You even got YOUR DROOL ALL OVER ME STUPID!"

"You are such a LIAR, FUCK YOU"

"NOOO, FUCK YOUU"

Eric and Kyle began to swing hands on each other now, the both of them standing up then falling onto the floor together.

You gripped your stomach, dying on your bed with tears trickling down your nose and onto the sheets.

"LORDD I'm gonna die here on this BEDDD"

Lesson learned you should NEVER have another all nigher sleepover with these 4 IDIOTS

[sweet-chimera]

// Yes, the person who i've had blocked for 5 years, has double digit call out posts about them, is friends with the proven abuser and liar-- said that me. The person who hasn't so much as posted about spork since februrary. Said that i'm going out of my way to harass someone. // Listen gang. I'm gonna address this once and only once. I've never sent anon hate, i've never stalked anyone, i've never not taken no for an answer. I work for government entities who would not hire me, if i have ever. And can find out quickly if I had. I do not care about them. I am an adult with a job, a home, and a life. Spork and curio are not worth losing sleep over much less my job. If they want to point fingers at me, because they both collectively pissed off about 100 people. They're free to. // I'm not the one doing it. This is infact. The last ask i will ever answer about either of them. I hate drama and hate that I had to do this cause two thirty year olds can't get their shit together and like starting internet drama. We literally, were the ones who wanted to simply, block spork and walk away and only posted the call out because spork likes doxing. And he got mad at us for all blocking, so told their following our blogs.

Have the day you deserve to have.

And fyi-- i've had fantasy concrete blocked since 2018. I cant see what ever bs they're posting. But i'm going to assume its a woe is me post people we have no proof of harassing us are 100% totally sending us hate some how.

[yippie-madness]

is my brain fucked from all the drugs they put my 12 year old brain on and forced me to deal with the side affects off or was it the abuse that no one will ever call abuse? this makes me want to die i feel sick all the time I'm nauseous im tired im seeing things i cant sleep im dizzy i cant focus i cant stop dissociating my head hurts ans why not tey another or a higher does. one last one then well let you go. but that wasnt coercion i am a liar.

[hellonerf]

suicide is discouraged in the workplace

im not even gonna try to be coherent here. this is not an analysis post i am braindead. if i was a better artist makima wouldve been my muse when i was deep into chainsawman. actuallt she kind of was but i pussyed out

OK everyone here can subconsciously understand this connection. dont get too hung up on makima's strong motherhood theme and i just thought about what if ame was motherly and i couldn't kill myself right aftee thinking that as i have no means to it. that was a joke its late and im just me. i decided i wasnt a fan of motherly ame though so all suicidal thoughts erased. i am really chill now

old makima fanart i drew that im trying not to rip my hairs out over thinking about it with ame. also dont worry if this makes tou find my mainblog or main accounts whatever

actually theyre really different in many ways now that im looking at these. ame is so much of a son and makima is so much of a mother its like oppsoite spectrums. but thay makes the commonalities fun actuallt. i keep thinking about the movies and makima hating bad movies. ame is not an art kid by any means does he even care of the beauty of the world? i doubt it. but he likes bad movies and he likes cheap entertainment so who knows... they'd disagree on that. well i think makima's opinion on that was pretty extreme so i think most would disagree with her really

i could imagine ame going "Chainsawman. Doesn't spit." and smoking for the first time to look cool like in movies only to pathetically cough. thats their common trait... artifice... humans... but in a way that loops back to being Really Human i guess. holds a kind of arrogance and hubris that is so associated with humanity. it cant be anything else. ame should kill himself i think he should get moments of clarity and awareness and want to kill himself rqlly bad

both concepts of control. awesome. SUICIDE IS NOT ENDORSED IN THE WRKPLACE. ame goes to protestant church once or twice and sleeps because hes useless. makima is baptised and goes to local catholic churches not the cathedrals she supports the local christians.FUCK i just remembered the country mouse city mouse thing. ame is a liar and hates everything and loves everything and never feels content. i like to imagine him as a country mouse so fucking bad i want him to chill out one day and go to those middle of nowheres i know exist in america(can i shove cana in here and get away with it). why are they in the city if they are country mice? because..... you know..... you understand..... another w for eternal unhappiness (refer to title of this post)(suicide is discouraged in the workplace)

they are evil bosses i am the employee and when i ask for a break they gaze at me with a vacant stare and smile and i know in my heart they are viewing me like i am beneath them. i get scared and run away but truth is they didnt hear my request. they do not register individual people

if they met they would know immediately and viceversa. because everyone knows subconsciously because lying is futile and everything melts away. ame:i know a toxic boymom when i see one... okay im kidding makima is a toxic boymom if u push the chainsawman in ur head 🙂 ame as a kind of control devil works inmy head. i really believe ame was a polite child but demanding in many ways. sincerely wanting.

ame:gun devil i'll give you one year of the lifespans of the american people. in exchange i want you to kill makima—that is... the control devil (i never got around to drawing this)(ame and gun devil can you imagine)

or:gun devil i'll give you one year of the lifespans of the american people. in exchange i want you to kill alfred f jones—that is... the united states of america (paradox)

throughout all this i wanted to cite the best makima artist in the world ever but i'd feel bad if they wouldn't want to be associated with evil hetalia america blog. also i want to be normal and not cringe at being cringe just becayse i think makima was a thunderstrike of genius that i shouldn't taint. ame is a more flexible character to me for obvious reasons. this is how i'd shove ame into makima's role. but u couldn't put makima as ame. only one way. im okay with that. concept idea consensus words fear control blablabla u get the point i hate using words dont care sleepy now

[bathroomtrapped]

saw ask. so let's say hypothetically (not really) all the apprentices are autistic (they are) headcanon them

saw ask ‼️‼️ i completely agree unironically and i keep that in mind when i consume/write/draw saw content. jigsaw apprentices? more like PDA autistics anonymous jfc

i (shamefully) am not an amanda-guy and dont have pretty much any headcanons about her overall so sorry about that but ill do some bullet points for the apprentices bc ive thought TOO MUCH abt this

adam

1. the most obvious PDA manifestation, though i think its strong in mark and lawrence for sure, adam just doesnt mask his. he pretty much built his life around maximizing free will and full control over his schedule

2. constantly reducing sensory input with music and being baked. his apartment is dead silent and dark 24/7 tho

3. honestly i think adam has shocking high levels of empathy. most people in his life wouldnt peg him as someone who would struggle with that but i think its what sets him apart from nearly every saw character. hes so isolated but desperate to understand and connect with other people, even if hes in the shadows

4. studies high class targets and their mannerisms. it helped him function during a few job interviews

5. hates eating, hates effort so pretty much eats like shit. very few specific, cheap, prepackaged meals that he can handle. anything that isnt a time commitment to prepare and eat

6. talks too much to overcompensate (not sure if people are able to understand what hes getting at and ends up rambling)

lawrence

1. i hc him as a narc as well which (as you can imagine) combined with PDA makes instruction/criticism/responsibility stressful so hes constantly overloaded

2. same as above, combined with asd i think its the biggest reason he has that canonical low empathy (similar to mark)

3. can only eat incredibly plain and simple foods. rice, bread, vegetables without butters/oils etc. very picky

4. very little auditory sensory issues after so many years in a hospital and needs noise in order to function (including sleep)

5. started wearing pajamas under his suits after a few years in residency because hes already tired 24/7, the terrible fabric on top of that just makes him insane

6. struggled through med school because lectures are hard to interpret and hes more of a visual learner

7. so much eye contact

8. remember that dog picture in his wallet we see for like 5 seconds? i cant imagine someone like him enjoying the texture or sporadic energy of a dog and makes it sleep in dianas room at night. its not allowed in the office and he meticulously cleans all of the dog hair the second he sees any

9. absolutely allergic to change in every way

mark

1. low empathy as i mentioned before

2. he wears a lot loose fitting suits in canon which i think are for sensory reasons. he clearly prioritizes comfort with those (interesting) track pants?

3. i have joked with my mutuals about his off-putting, autistic ass stare countless times

4. terrible liar because he has less control over his facial expressions and mannerisms. he ends up making too much eye contact and thinks that brutal honesty is a good idea. he has an almost nonexistent filter

5. he reminds me of that brand of autism that a lot of patriarchs have, the kind that goes unnoticed bc theyre the head of the household. meat and potatoes his entire life, strange rituals and routines everyone has to get used to

6. extremely black and white sense of justice and a poor understanding of hierarchal authority. he doesnt get why people are above or below other people and struggles with those concepts

7. everyone in the precinct knows not to joke with mark because it will always fall flat and have to be explained. mark has rly funny but dry and blunt humor himself

[madam-melon-meow]

VRISKA SERKET IS A BISEXUAL WOMAN.

This is Homestuck canon. She is a transgender woman. This is Pesterquest canon. If you can respect the one you can respect the other.

I understand some are attached to lesbian headcanons. But if yourr bedrock is to insist she experiences comp-het. A THING THAT DOES NOT EXIST IN ALTERNIA. A THING THAT IS NOT SUPPORTED BY CANON. THEN YOU ARE BEING BIPHOBIC. PLEASE DO NOT SPEND PRIDE MONTH ERASING CANON BISEXUALITY. IT IS UNDER REPRESENTED AND MUCH MALIGNED FROM BOTH OUTSIDE AND INSIDE THE QUEER COMMUNITY. BISEXUALITY IS QUEER ENOUGH. BISEXUALITY IS BEAUTIFUL. CHARACTERS LIKE KARKAT. VRISKA. TEREZI. DAVE. ROXY. ERIDAN. GAMZEE. THESE HAVE ALL EXPRESSED BISEXUALITY. IT IS CRUELTY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER TO BE BADGERED BY COMP HET THEORIES ABOUT CANONICAL BISEXUAL CHARACTERS. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THIS MESSAGE I AM SORRY BUT I REFUSE TO SIMPER AND KOWTOW REGARDING MY SEXUALITY. BISEXUALITY SHOULD NOT BE ERASED. IF YOUR DAVE HEADCANON RESTS ON OVERCOMING INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA THEN BISEXUALITY DOES NOT PREVENT THAT. SIMPLY RELABEL IT INTERNALIZED BIPHOBIA. BUT COMP HET WAS COINED BY ADRIENNE RICH-

~~~~~~~

A (transphobe, if you cant figure this out from the rad fem rhetoric) proponent of the belief that all women can be lesbians regardless of sexual orientation by identifying as a “woman-identified woman”, aka thst the woman’s focuses are on the needs and emotions of other women. This belief is A core component of the lesbian separatist movement began in the 1970s, which should be pinging alarm bells. This is the organization that believes women’s bisexuality , MY sexuality, is inherently anti-feminist because of the implied desire for penetration, sexual dominance, and submission. This woman stated that women due to their socialization could not ever freely “choose” to enter a hetero relationship, that coercion was ever-present. Her words imply bisexual women (and others socialized as girls while growing up) have inherent lack of agency, erasing the freedom and truth of our love for what can be perceived as straight relationships. Ti Grace Atkinson said “ feminism is a theory, lesbianism is a practice.” Lesbian separatists take this to mean Feminism is the theory and lesbianism is the practice, reflecting an assumption that lesbianism is the purest and most desirable manifestation of feminism, and that bisexuality thus is sullied and impure. Compulsory heterosexuality was coined by a TERF for the inherent purpose of invalidating bisexual and transgender women, as both run up against the terf ideology that all men are bad, that all relations with amabs are bad, that amabs are rapists in disguise and abusers on the prowl and to sleep with a man or anyone that could have been a man taints you. Bisexuality has always been transinclusionary. Those who exclude the one tend to exclude the other. terf theory should not be your bedrock of queer or feminist theory. What hurts one letter hurts us all.

S. Young’s “ Breaking silence about the B word“ has a fantastic paragraph about coming out as a lesbian and learning from other lesbians that my sexuality was considered a copout, that bisexuals were treasonous and would run back to men and leave the lesbians behind, that only lesbians had an anti-patriarchal sexuality, that we were buying into sexism by being bisexual. while gay men do not seem to view bisexuals as sleeping with the enemy as strongly as lesbians view us, there is still the presumption that a bisexual man is just trying to hold onto heterosexual privilege.  these views are not absent from fandom spaces.

Bisexuality is treated as a transitional category, as experimenting, as promiscuity, as being a liar and a cheat. To reduce every bisexual character you come across, to force them to “pick a side”, to comment on ship art of characters like John and Vriska as “generic boring and straight”, to similarly comment on art of characters like Vriska and Terezi as “lesbian favs”, to insist it is homophobic or lesbphobic when people push back against this categorization- this is cruel. This is biphobic. This is bisexual erasure. Andrew Hussie, no matter what you think of him, was very clear. They wrote a story in which an entire species is bisexual “by default”- where Kanaya is the only troll in a set of 12 to have a mono sexuality (albeit, while still displaying biromantic tendencies, at least in the ashen quadrant). Whatever issues you have with Vriska and Eridan viewing relationships with eachother and others (Terezi, Tavros, Kanaya) (Feferi) via the lense of their ancestors, that does not erase their bisexuality. (Vriska) canonically dated killed-by-Terezi!John , and followed it up with an albeit unhealthy relationship with Meenah. Vriska had a celebrity crush on nic cage, implied she was attracted to Karkat, and had a relationship with Terezi. Eridan flirted indiscriminatorily with most of his friends of both genders. Gamzee’s infamous flirtations with Tavros and relationship with Terezi exists. So does Roxy’s pursuit of Dirk and her insistence that Jane is hot. Dave pursued relationships with Terezi and Karkat, Davesprite dated Jade. Karkat caught feelings for Jade, John, Dave, Terezi. I could go on but i will not- there are many bisexual characters in homestuck, after all.

Many people view bisexuality as not committing, as not picking between “us” and “them”, as having “passing privileges” by finding an opposite gender partner. We are experiencing a time of great unrest. Do not return to the days of isolating aspects of the community, of infighting that weakens us. You see what rhetoric is being used against the transgender community, against anyone who dares to do drag, to break the binary boxes. Bisexuality breaks boxes too, by daring to love our own gender and other genders. By being unapologetically attracted regardless of sex. Fandom biphobia is nothing so serious as real world oppression, sure. You could say it is just another pin prick. But each pin prick makes me bleed. And I only have so much blood to give.

I see many musicians irl reduced to straight women or gay men when they have repeatedly expressed bisexuality. This is cruel. This is biphobic. This is not the move from inside the community i want to see. For young queer kids online, those experiences will shape them as much as bisexuals being kicked out of the gay organizations does those who are old enough to join one. Homestuck helped me understand I was allowed to be bisexual- i thought bisexuality didn’t really exist, especially not for women, when i was 13. If my first experience with homestuck had been being told vriska is a lesbian and is only compulsive about perusing boys, i would have never understood what i was feeling, because my crushes on boys as a kid, my relationship with men as an adult, those were not and are not a sign of being coerced by society. These feelings do not deminish or delegitimization my attraction to women. To say such a thing is to take away my agency, to reduce me to either an experimental straight girl or a lesbian who is “just confused”- the latter of which is rhetoric transmen and asexuals have aimed at them. This is a biphobic world you have been raised in. All i ask is that you do not impose the rheotric of a biphobic transphobic “feminist” on characters and people like me. This a shitty rant, but i needed to say it.