#i am Rambly about them and i apologize for that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aspenmissing · 2 days ago

Note

Hi there~ First off, just wanna say I absolutely love your writing — I have notifications set up so I can read everything you post! ❤️

Second, I’d love to submit a request for something a little specific. Please feel free to ignore it if you aren’t feeling it! Apologies for the incoming ramble as well. Just wanted to give a little context. 😅

I am, unfortunately, highly genetically predisposed to cancer — most of my family members have developed some type of it. My luck of the draw has been skin cancer, which is luckily something that’s highly treatable and mostly preventable. The good thing is that I’m a goth introvert who doesn’t mind avoiding the sun, so I haven’t gotten a positive diagnosis yet! (Little wins, lol.)

That being said, I’ve had to have several abnormal moles fully removed as preventative care. And while I’m grateful that doing so catches the issue before it fully develops and spreads, each surgery requires several stitches and leaves some fairly big and ugly scars. Most have been on my back, out of my sight. But this last removal was on my chest, and seeing it has definitely been a blow to my self confidence and body image. There’s a high likelihood that the next one will be on my face, too.

I was hoping I could maybe read something about Arcane characters reassuring a self-conscious reader over their medical scars? Something along the lines of telling them they’re still beautiful and loved? I would enjoy reading any characters you feel open to writing, but my favorites are Jayce, Viktor, and Silco.

If anything, thanks for reading my long message! You’re amazing at what you do. ❤️

ᴍᴀʀᴋꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ

ᴊᴀʏᴄᴇ | ᴠɪᴋᴛᴏʀ | ᴊᴀʏᴠɪᴋ | ᴠᴀɴᴅᴇʀ | ꜱɪʟᴄᴏ | ᴍᴇʟ || ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ/ꜱᴘɪᴄᴇ || 4135 ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ || ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜱᴇʟꜰ-ᴄᴏɴꜱᴄɪᴏᴜꜱ, ᴅᴇꜱᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴄᴀʀꜱ, ꜱᴘɪᴄᴇ (ꜱɪʟᴄᴏ'ꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛ)

ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀ: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇᴀʀ, ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴋᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ᴡᴇʟʟ! ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ, ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ! ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴀᴍʙʟɪɴɢ (ᴀꜱ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇꜱ). ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ꜱᴄᴀʀ ᴏɴ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ɪꜱ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ꜱᴀʏꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ, ᴀʀᴇ ᴀꜱꜱʜᴏʟᴇꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴅᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ <3 <3

JAYCE

The candlelight flickered softly in the dimly lit bedroom, casting golden hues over the walls as the sound of rain pattered gently against the windowpane. You sat on the edge of the bed, your fingers absentmindedly tracing over the scars that lined your arms—silent reminders of surgeries, of painful recoveries, of the battle your body had waged against illness. The faint, raised lines told a story of resilience, but in moments like these, they only reminded you of what had been taken.

You hated how your mind spiraled in these moments, how the weight of insecurity wrapped around your chest like a vice. You had tried to push past it, to pretend that you didn't care. But some days were harder than others.

Jayce noticed, of course he did. He always did.

"Y/N?" His voice was gentle, laced with concern as he approached, kneeling in front of you. His large hands found yours, warm and grounding. "Talk to me."

You hesitated, chewing on the inside of your cheek. "It’s nothing," you murmured, eyes fixated on the floor.

Jayce wasn’t having it. He carefully loosened your fingers from their grip around your wrist, his gaze following the scars you tried to hide. He traced them lightly, his touch reverent rather than hesitant. There was no pity in his expression—only warmth, only love.

"You don’t have to pretend with me," he said softly. "I see you, Y/N. Every part of you. And I love you."

Your throat tightened at his words, emotions welling up before you could stop them. "They make me feel…less," you admitted in a whisper. "Like I’ll never be beautiful again. Like my body is ruined."

Jayce exhaled softly, shaking his head as his hands came to cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing gently against your skin. "No, Y/N. You're not ‘less’ because of them. They don’t take anything away from you. If anything, they show how strong you are. How much you've been through. They’re a part of you, but they don’t define you. And they sure as hell don’t make you any less beautiful."

Your breath hitched as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss against each mark with slow, deliberate care. His lips whispered love into every line, every faded wound, as if willing away your pain with every gentle touch.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion. "I see someone who has fought battles I can only imagine. Someone who faced fear, pain, and uncertainty and still found the strength to keep going. That’s beauty, Y/N. That’s the kind of beauty that never fades."

Your chest ached at his words, the tightness loosening as warmth flooded in its place. "But what if I never feel that way about myself?" you asked, voice small.

Jayce smiled softly, resting his forehead against yours. "Then I'll remind you. Every single day, for as long as it takes."

A shaky breath escaped you, the weight in your chest easing as you let yourself lean into his touch. Jayce had always had a way of making you feel safe, seen—loved.

"You really mean that?" your voice wavered, and he chuckled softly, his grip on you tightening just slightly as if anchoring you to the truth in his words.

"With everything I have."

You closed your eyes, letting his warmth surround you, letting yourself believe him. Because with Jayce, love was never anything less than whole.

VIKTOR

The sun hung high over Piltover, casting shimmering waves of heat along the stone streets. The city bustled with life, citizens fanning themselves with delicate lace and folded paper as they sought respite from the sweltering day. Even in the Academy, where thick walls and towering shelves provided some relief, the air remained heavy.

Viktor leaned against his cane as he wiped the sweat from his brow, sighing before looking over at you. His sharp eyes lingered on the long sleeves covering your arms, fabric clinging uncomfortably to your skin despite the oppressive warmth.

"You must be boiling in that," he remarked, voice light but laced with concern.

You forced a small smile, gripping your sleeve as if to hold it in place. "I'm fine. Just… comfortable like this."

Viktor frowned, his sharp mind already piecing things together. He had noticed it before—how you flinched when someone brushed against your arm, how you tugged at your sleeves when passing reflective surfaces. He knew all too well the silent battles fought in the mirror, the way old wounds whispered insecurities long after they had healed.

His gaze softened as he exhaled, shifting his weight to lean closer. His cane tapped against the floor with each slow step before he settled beside you. His fingers, calloused from hours of invention, brushed against your wrist—a silent request rather than a demand.

"May I?"

You hesitated. Even with him—even with Viktor, who bore his own scars, who knew pain as intimately as you did—the thought of revealing them made your stomach twist. But his touch was patient, steady, warm. Slowly, you let go of your sleeve.

The fabric slid down, exposing the scars beneath. Jagged, uneven lines stretched across your skin—some faded to a soft silver, others still pink, as if whispering the pain they once held. These were not simple scrapes or childhood accidents. No, they were the remnants of something deeper. Something medical.

Viktor's gaze traced over them, not in horror or pity, but in reverence.

"How did this happen?" His voice was quiet, careful, as though he feared pushing too hard.

You swallowed, the memory thick on your tongue. "I was sick. When I was younger. There were… surgeries. Treatments. Some of them worked, some of them didn’t. These—" You glanced down at your arms, tracing one of the scars yourself. "These are what’s left of it."

Viktor was silent for a moment, his golden eyes studying every inch of the marks you had spent years hiding. Then, without hesitation, he reached for your hand, threading his fingers with yours.

"You are not hiding something ugly," he murmured, voice thick with emotion. "These marks, they tell stories of what you have endured. They are part of you. And I love every part of you."

Your throat tightened. "But—"

"No," he interrupted gently, his eyes meeting yours with unwavering certainty. "I know what it is to feel like your body betrays you. To think others might see weakness where you feel strength. But you are not weak. You are…" His fingers curled over yours, holding you steady. "You are breathtaking."

You blinked, feeling the sting of unshed tears. "You really think that?"

Viktor exhaled a soft chuckle, his thumb running absentmindedly over your knuckles. "Of course I do. Do you think I would love you any less because of these?" He motioned toward your arm. "I have scars too, you know."

You looked at him then, really looked. At the way he carried himself, the way he leaned on his cane, the way his own body bore the marks of battles fought—not with swords, but with time and toil. You had always admired him for his mind, his relentless drive, but in this moment, you saw him as something more. Someone who understood.

"You don't have to cover yourself for my sake," he continued, squeezing your hand. "Not ever."

A warm breeze drifted through the open window, shifting the light against the room's walls. You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling a warmth in your chest that had nothing to do with the summer heat. Maybe, just maybe, you could start believing him.

And as Viktor leaned in, pressing a feather-light kiss to one of your scars, you felt, for the first time in a long while, something like peace.

JAYVIK

The dim light from the bedside lamp cast a soft glow over the room as you stood in front of the mirror, clad only in your underwear. Your fingers traced over the scars, following the paths left behind by each removed mole. Your back, your arms, your stomach—all bore evidence of battles fought before they could begin. Rationally, you knew they were victories, but each one felt like a reminder of something stolen from you. The thought of more, especially on your face, sent a shiver down your spine, an uneasy weight settling in your chest.

You let out a slow breath, willing yourself to see past the imperfections your mind magnified, but it was difficult. The scars were a testament to resilience, to survival, and yet, all you could feel was loss. The soft hum of the night filled the space around you, the quiet almost suffocating as you stood there, trapped in your own thoughts.

The quiet click of the door and the familiar creak of the floorboards pulled you from your thoughts. Viktor entered first, his gaze immediately finding yours in the reflection. He approached with careful steps, resting his cane against the dresser before standing behind you. Jayce followed moments later, his larger frame warm and solid as he moved to your side, his presence an immediate comfort.

Neither of them spoke at first. Instead, Viktor’s fingers brushed against yours, coaxing them away from your scars. His golden eyes, always sharp and filled with thought, softened as they roamed over you. Jayce’s hands found your shoulders, rubbing gentle circles before one slid down to rest over your heart, feeling the steady rhythm beneath his palm.

“You’re doing it again,” Viktor murmured, his voice thick with warmth. “Worrying about things that do not lessen you in the slightest.” His breath was gentle against your neck, the weight of his words sinking into your skin.

Jayce hummed in agreement, his lips pressing to your temple. “He’s right, you know. You’re still the same incredible woman we love.” His voice carried certainty, a deep warmth that settled into your bones.

Your throat tightened. “I just… I don’t feel like myself,” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “Every time I look at them, all I see is—”

Viktor silenced you with a kiss to your shoulder, his lips gentle against the scarred skin, his hands coming to rest on your arms, grounding you. “Strength,” he interrupted, firm but kind. “Proof that you are fighting, that you are winning.” His hands ran down your arms in slow, reverent strokes, a silent reminder that every mark was something he cherished.

Jayce followed his lead, dipping his head to press a kiss over a mark on your collarbone, lingering there as if to soak in every part of you. “Do you think so little of us that we would see anything less?” His voice was almost teasing, but the seriousness in his gaze as he pulled back told you just how much he meant it.

Your breath hitched as their hands and lips continued to trace the places you had been so self-conscious about. Viktor kissed the curve of your spine, the scars dotting your back like constellations only they could read, a map of survival painted across your skin.

Jayce knelt, pressing reverent kisses along your thigh, your knee, your calf, his hands stroking up and down your legs in slow, soothing patterns. Their touch wasn’t just reassurance—it was worship, devotion, an unspoken promise that they would always love you, no matter what.

Viktor’s voice was a whisper against your skin, a warmth that seeped into you. “Your scars are not imperfections, můj drahý. They are simply another part of you—one we cherish as much as the rest.” (My Dear)

Jayce stood again, his strong arms wrapping around you, pulling you against his chest as Viktor followed suit until you were enveloped in them, in their warmth, their certainty, their unwavering love. You felt the steady beat of their hearts against you, solid and real.

“We love you,” Jayce murmured into your hair, his lips brushing against your forehead. “All of you.”

And, for the first time since seeing your reflection, you believed them.

And maybe, just maybe, you could begin to love yourself the way they did.

VANDER

The warm, amber glow of the Last Drop cast soft shadows across the wooden walls, the scent of ale and faint smoke lingering in the air. It was a slow evening, and Vander relished the rare moment of quiet. He leaned against the counter, polishing a glass absently, his sharp blue eyes flicking over to where you sat by the fireplace, lost in thought.

Your fingers ghosted over the scar tracing down your cheek, a mark left behind from one of your many mole removals—an act of precaution, but still a reminder of battles fought against your own body. You weren’t new to scars. The ones beneath your clothes, hidden from view, told their own stories. But this one, out in the open for all to see, felt different. It made you different.

Your thoughts were pulled away when a small voice piped up.

“Why does your face have that line?” Powder, ever curious, tilted her head, her large, expressive eyes locked onto you. She had no malice in her question, only genuine wonder. Still, your stomach tightened as you lowered your hand from your face.

“Powder,” Vander warned gently, setting the glass down, but you shook your head. You knew the child meant no harm.

“It’s... a scar,” you answered softly, forcing a small smile. “Something that had to be done to keep me safe.”

“Oh.” Powder considered this for a moment, then her little face scrunched up in thought. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore.”

Vi, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside her sister, eyed you with a look far too knowing for someone her age. “Does it bother you?”

You hesitated, caught between wanting to reassure the girls and the raw honesty of your own insecurities. “Sometimes,” you admitted, looking away. “People stare.”

A warm, heavy hand settled over yours, grounding you. You hadn’t even noticed Vander moving, but there he was, standing beside you with that steady, reassuring presence that always made you feel safe.

“Let ‘em stare,” he rumbled, his voice firm but gentle. “What do they know? You’ve got more strength in you than they could dream of.”

Your throat tightened at his words, but you let him continue.

He knelt slightly to catch your gaze, his hand lifting to brush his knuckles tenderly along the length of your scar. “You think this changes how I see you? How much I love you?” His voice dropped to something meant only for you. “Nothing could.”

Your eyes stung with unshed tears. He always had a way of saying exactly what you needed to hear, as if he could read your heart without you speaking a word.

Powder grinned suddenly, hopping up onto the chair beside you. “I think it makes you look cool! Like you fought a beast and won.”

Vi nodded in agreement. “Yeah, like a warrior.”

A laugh bubbled out of you before you could stop it, the tightness in your chest easing. You glanced up at Vander, who was already watching you with a soft smile, his thumb now idly tracing circles on the back of your hand.

“See?” he murmured. “Even the kids know what I do.”

You sighed, leaning slightly into his warmth. Maybe he was right. Maybe, just maybe, there was nothing about you that needed to be hidden.

Vander pressed a lingering kiss to your temple before pulling you into his arms, wrapping you in an embrace that made the world outside seem small and insignificant. His arms around you were solid, unyielding, a fortress you could always retreat into. You let yourself relax against him, breathing in the familiar scent of leather, smoke, and the faintest hint of ale.

“I don’t get why people would stare,” Powder mused, tilting her head again. “It’s just a part of you. Like how I’ve got freckles.”

Vi smirked. “Or how Vander’s got that big ol’ beard.”

Vander let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head. “That so? My beard’s just a part of me, huh?”

The girls giggled, and you couldn’t help but join in, the sound light and unburdened. The fire crackled, casting a comforting warmth over the room, and for the first time in a long while, you felt at ease.

Vander squeezed your hand again, a silent promise that no matter what, you would always have a place here. With him. With them.

Because in their eyes—in Vander’s eyes—you were already enough.

SILCO

The dim lantern light flickered against the water-stained walls of his office. The scent of cigar smoke and whiskey clung to the air, mingling with the sharper tang of chemicals from the Shimmer vials stacked along the desk. Silco sat in his leather chair, fingers steepled beneath his chin, mismatched eyes tracing over you as you stood near the edge of the room—hesitant, withdrawn, guarded.

He noticed, of course. Silco always noticed.

His sharp gaze flickered to the pile of your discarded clothing, then back to you, wrapped in one of his silk sheets, clinging to the fabric like armor. You should have been glowing in the dim light, reveling in the aftermath of passion, but instead… there was a weight in your eyes. A flicker of something you tried to hide.

"You’re thinking too much." His voice was smooth, laced with authority.

You swallowed, gripping the sheet tighter, the fabric bunched between your fingers. Don’t do this. Don’t ruin the moment. But still, you couldn't shake the creeping insecurity wrapping around your mind.

His gaze narrowed. "Come here."

You hesitated. Silco was not a man you disobeyed, but…

"Now, darling" he coaxed, his voice lower, dangerous—yet still patient.

Your breath hitched as you stepped forward, the sheet slipping lower with each movement, baring more of your skin—and the scars that littered it. Marks of past removals, of flesh cut away in the name of preservation. You’d long since stopped counting them, but they were there, a roadmap of battles fought against something lurking beneath your skin.

You watched as Silco’s expression darkened—not with disgust, but with something deeper. Something possessive.

The scarred side of his face twitched as he exhaled, long fingers reaching for your wrist, tugging you forward until you stood between his legs, so close you could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"Let me see," he murmured, gaze dragging over every inch of exposed skin, over every line, every imperfection. Devouring. Reverent.

You flinched, moving to pull away, but his grip tightened—not painful, just firm.

"Don’t hide from me," he commanded, his voice almost a whisper. "I want to see all of you."

Your lips parted, your breath uneven. "They’re—"

"Beautiful," Silco interrupted, his other hand moving to trace the scar that ran across your collarbone, fingertips feather-light. "Like maps carved into flesh. Like proof that you still stand despite what tried to consume you."

Your throat tightened, emotion welling up. "You don’t have to say that."

Silco scoffed, lips twitching in amusement. "You think me a liar, darling?"

His hand slid lower, ghosting over your ribs, then your waist, fingers tracing each mark with the kind of reverence usually reserved for worship.

"You speak as if I don’t understand," he murmured, tilting his head, his own scar catching the lantern light. "As if I don’t know what it is to be reshaped by pain."

Your breath hitched when he leaned forward, lips brushing against the line of a particularly deep scar along your stomach. Heat pooled low in your belly, your skin prickling under his attention.

"Yet here you are," he continued, voice dropping, turning molten. "Still mine. Still exquisite."

A shiver rolled through you, his touch no longer gentle but possessive, demanding. Fingers sliding over bare skin, tracing the dips of your hips, the curve of your thighs.

"You think this makes you less desirable?" he rasped, eyes flicking up, dark and hungry. "Then let me remind you—properly."

His fingers hooked into the silk, pulling it away, leaving you bare before him. You gasped, but before you could protest, his lips pressed to your scars, his tongue following, slow and deliberate.

Silco had never seen flaws. Only devotion to be carved into flesh.

And he would spend all night proving it.

MEL

Golden candlelight flickered across the opulent room, painting warmth across silk sheets and marble floors. Mel lay beside you, her golden skin glowing beneath the soft light, her dark eyes tracing over you with a gaze so intense it felt like a caress. You couldn’t meet it.

You had turned away, arms curled around yourself, fingers ghosting over the ridges of scars that marred your skin. Old reminders—each one a moment of caution, of necessity. But reminders, too, that you were not like her.

Mel Medarda was exquisite. A painting given breath, carved from gold and power. There was not a single imperfection on her. And you—

"You are quiet tonight," she murmured, reaching out. Her fingertips brushed your shoulder, featherlight, before trailing down your back. Her touch followed the path of your scars, tracing them with the kind of reverence you couldn't understand.

You shivered but said nothing.

"You think I do not see you, don’t you?" Mel's voice was soft, carrying the weight of understanding.

You swallowed hard, shaking your head. "It’s not that. It’s just..." You exhaled. "When I look at you, I see someone so perfect, so untouchable. And then I look at myself, and all I see are—" You hesitated, unable to say the word aloud.

Mel didn’t let you. Instead, she shifted, pressing closer until her warmth enveloped you. "Strength," she whispered against your shoulder. "I see strength. I see resilience. I see a body that has carried you through more than anyone should ever have to endure. And that is beautiful."

Your breath hitched as she tilted your chin up, finally making you meet her gaze. Her expression was tender, but there was steel in her eyes—fierce and unwavering.

"Do you know what true beauty is, my love?" She traced the curve of your jaw, her thumb brushing over your cheek with aching gentleness. "It is not flawlessness. It is not perfection. It is the way someone endures and still dares to love, to be loved. And you, my darling, are beautiful beyond measure."

You felt your throat tighten, something inside you cracking open at her words.

Mel smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead, her lips lingering as if she could pour all her devotion into you. "You do not need to compare yourself to me, because I have already decided—there is no one else in this world who could be more perfect for me than you."

A shaky breath left your lips, and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself believe her.

Mel moved then, slipping from the bed with the grace of royalty. You watched as she walked towards her ornate vanity, reaching for something small and delicate. When she returned, her hands held a tiny jar of gold pigment, its surface shimmering beneath the candlelight.

"What is that?" you asked, puzzled as she settled beside you again.

"A tradition," she murmured, dipping two fingers into the rich, golden paint. "In my home, we do not discard things that are broken. We mend them with gold. We honour the cracks, because they tell a story of resilience."

Slowly, carefully, she touched your skin. The cool paint met the warmth of your scars, her fingers tracing each one with deliberate reverence. She painted along the ridges, following the paths they carved across your body like rivers of history.

She worked in silence, her expression focused, yet soft with affection. The gold shimmered as it dried, a gilded map of the battles you had fought and survived.

When she was done, she leaned back, admiring her work with a quiet satisfaction. "Now," she whispered, cupping your cheek, "you are even more radiant than before."

You looked down at yourself, at the way the gold caught the light, transforming each scar into something beautiful, something cherished. The weight of self-consciousness did not vanish entirely—but it shifted, just enough.

"You always do this," you murmured, your voice thick with emotion.

Mel arched an elegant brow. "Do what?"

"Turn the things I hate into something precious."

Her lips curved in a slow, knowing smile. "That’s because they already are."

You exhaled a soft laugh, letting your forehead rest against hers. And when Mel kissed you next, slow and deep, you let yourself be loved. Scars and all.

And this time, you let yourself believe you were worthy of it.

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softmamawrites · 2 days ago

Text

Love Within These Halls: Part 2

The second installment of LWTH, we don’t see as much Brenny I’m sorry for that.

19.3k words

Warnings: swearing, John not being nice to himself, talking of pee, masturbation in front of someone else, semi-public sex, soft penis blowjobs, handjobs, first time smut, some more not nice talking about penises, PTSD mentions, mentions of blood

mood board done by me

dividers done by: @firefly-graphics

special thank you to @trashbag-baby666 for listening to me ramble, helping me brain storm, indulging my Clegan thoughts, and being an amazing support. thank you 💕

“Knock knock…can I come in?” Marge asks as she stands outside of John’s room, the door halfway open. Showing off the boy sitting in his bed, freshly showered and scrolling through his phone. Looking through the pictures his sister had sent him of her class trip to D.C. Raising an eyebrow as he sees the blonde girl, they had only really talked a handful of times. She was usually attached to Gale’s hip when she was here, and he hadn’t really talked to Gale in a few days. The blond keeping his distance, seeming to realize better than John how upset he was.

“You can come in…” He trails off, waiting for the boy who’s been on his mind constantly to come into the room. A little bloom of disappointment filling his chest when he notices it’s just Marge stepping in. She leans against the foot of his bed, her hip cocked to keep herself balanced. Arms crossing over her chest as she stares at John, both of them not saying anything for a minute.

“I like you Bucky, I really do, but making my best friend cry. That takes you down a few notches on my list of likable people. I’m not here to fight Gale’s battles for him, but I am here to tell you ignoring him isn’t okay. I know he’s the king of ignoring people, but he isn’t going to come to you this time. He thinks you’re mad at him, which if you are…fuck you. He didn’t do anything wrong, you should be happy that he gets to come home. He’s put in a lot of work to get there, more than you’ve seen. So what I’m saying is, apologize for being a dick, and decide from there if this is something you still want to pursue.” The black haired boy sits there, staring at her, not knowing what to say. Taken aback by how incredibly calm she is, not used to dealing with calm women. He takes a deep breath and rubs his palms over his basketball shorts, looking out the window. Before he looks back at her again, seeing her patiently waiting.

“When do you guys leave?”

“We’re heading out of here at 430 today…gives you about three hours Egan.” She tells the older boy, before she’s pushing off of his bed and heading back for his door. Turning slightly with her hand on the wood, taking a deep breath and contemplating for a minute.

“He really does like you John…it might not seem like it. But he does, trust me, I’ve known him since we were three years old.” Bucky nods softly and watches her walk out, looking at the clock on his wall. Eyes trailing over the calendar, sighing softly as he sees all of the markings on it. Gale having doodled some little pictures on the edges, little cartoon characters that John didn’t recognize. Picking up his phone he clicks over to the text chats, chewing on his lower lip as he clicks his and Buck’s.

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘I know you’re packing and whatnot today…but would you have a few minutes to come down to my room? I’ve been put on bed rest for the rest of today. If not I understand, I’ve been a real jerk the last few days.’

From: Buck 😍

To: John 😊

‘You have been a real jerk…give me 30 minutes and I’ll come down. You do realize you’ll have to tell me why you got put on bed rest now.’

John smiles softly as he looks at the message, running a hand down his face and shifting in bed. Using his arms to push himself upright better, tucking one of his wedge pillows into his side. Reaching for his brush to try and fix his hair, groaning when it hits the floor. Frowning as he reaches for his baseball cap instead, putting it on backwards.

Trying not to let the ball of anxiety in his stomach grow as he waits for Gale. Looking up at the gentle knock on his doorframe, seeing the tall blond standing there. His eyes downcast as he waits for permission to come into the room, something tugging on John’s chest. He did not like this version of Gale, this version of Gale made him feel nauseous.

“You can come in Buck.” The younger boy slowly comes into the room, leaning exactly where Marge did earlier. His hip and thigh resting against the footboard of John’s bed. His arms crossed over his chest, bunching up the sweater he’s wearing today. Rubbing the toe of his shoe into the ground slightly, while he chews on his lower lip.

“I’m…I’m sorry Gale, I’m really really happy for you that you get to go home. I know you’ve worked really hard to get to do that, you should be proud of you. I know I am.” John says as he looks at the blond, watching as his eyes come up. Pretty blue eyes sad around the edges, making Bucky’s heart ache a little bit. Knowing he’s the one who put that sad look in those blue orbs. He shifts slightly to try and reach forward for Gale’s hand, the boy shaking his head slightly.

“You didn’t give me the chance to tell you, I really was going to. I got distracted when I saw you…because you make me feel so fucking good John. You’ve ignored me for the past three days and it’s been absolutely awful. And it terrifies me how much I enjoy being around you…I’ve never had that before. I’ve never had anyone besides Marge. And I want you, I want you so so much. But not if this is how it’s going to be…not if you’re going to ignore me.” Buck gets out, it all seeming to spill out of him without his consent. Shoulders deflating in the slightest bit, refusing to meet John’s eyes. Bucky makes a soft sound, taking a deep breath as he sits there. Frustrated that he can’t get up to hug the other, but realizing that Gale doesn’t want a hug right now. He doesn’t deal with his emotions with physical touch like John does, physical touch hasn’t always been an answer for Gale. He’s had to learn how to self soothe, he’s had to be there for himself always.

“Gale, I need you to hear me when I say I’m sorry. I really really love being around you, it’s the best time I’ve had in the past few weeks. I don’t want you to think you’re by yourself, I don’t want you to feel alone, I want you to know I’m here for you. I’m so sorry I ignored you, I know that doesn’t fix everything. It doesn’t even come close, but please believe me when I say I won’t let it happen again. I didn’t know what to say, I felt like a fucking idiot, and I didn’t know if you’d still want to do what we’ve been doing once you left. And…I want to go home. I want to leave this place behind so I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to come back here either.” Bucky explains as he sits there, rubbing his hands on his sweat pants. Not expecting it when he feels arms curling around his neck, the burst of vanilla cologne filling his nose. Citrus aftershave following close behind, a nose tucking above his ear while his head snugs in against Gale’s collar bone. His own arms coming up to curl around the blond’s narrow waist, tugging him closer until the boy is kneeling on the bed next to him. Both of them breathing quietly, digesting what the other has said.

“You’re an idiot…of course I want to keep talking to you and seeing you. I want to keep doing this…I’d like for this to have some kind of label, because Marge calling us fuck buddies isn’t great. But if that doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. But you’re a giant idiot John.” The black haired boy laughs quietly and nods his head, large palms rubbing up Gale’s sides. Squeezing softly and holding him a little closer to himself, nuzzling into his skin. Eyes staying closed as he feels the warmth radiating off of the younger boy.

“I am an idiot…but I’m your idiot. Or I’d like to be…if you’ll still have me.” Gale pulls away from John’s hair, looking down at him with soft eyes. His palms coming up to cup Bucky’s curls, knocking his ball cap off of his head. Before he’s resting his forehead down onto the older boy’s, breathing deeply. Scooting just a little closer, their chests touching now as Gale rests against the other boy.

“You know you still have to tell me why you’re on bed rest, don’t think for a minute that I forgot.” John groans softly as he pulls away from the blond, looking at him with a pleading expression. An embarrassed flush starting on the tips of his ears, before he’s meeting Gale’s eyes again. A sheepish smile forming on his face, groaning while dropping his head back onto one of his pillows.

“I was being an asshole and tried to transfer myself off of the shower bench, ate shit, twisted my ankle, and got told off by Danica. Patrick is on vacation and she was not happy with me at all. Depending on how my ankle looks tomorrow will depend on if I can do actual PT or if it’ll be stretches here in my room.” Gale looks at him for a minute, blinking slowly before he lets out a snort. Shaking his head slightly before he starts actually laughing, head tipping forward with his snickers. John smiling a bit at the sound, looking up when he sees Marge standing in the doorway. An approving smile on her lips as she leans against the door jam, watching her best friend laugh.

“I’m really glad to see you two have made up.” Marge says, Gale looking up from where he’s been wiping his tears. Watching as his best friend comes farther into the room, a little grin on her face. Before she’s perching herself at the end of John’s bed, humming at the coziness of it.

“Marge can I introduce you to my idiot, John Egan.” Gale says smirking a bit, Bucky groaning softly as he looks at the blond. Marge letting out a laugh at that, seeing the little loved up smile on Gale’s face. His eyes holding a sort of softness to them that she’s never witnessed before. His cornflower blue eyes trained on John’s face, admiring the curve of his Adam’s apple and throat.

“That’s gonna stick isn’t it?” John questions as he looks at the blond, seeing the grin on his face before he’s nodding. Bucky smiling softly as he rubs his hand up Gale’s back gently, glad they are on better terms. The uneasiness that’s been like a ball in his stomach lessening.

————————

“John…I know you’re not going to like what I have to say right now. But your friend…he looks incredibly pathetic sitting out there by himself. Everyone else has left from their visiting times and he’s just waiting out there. He’s been here every single week waiting for you. How much longer are you going to punish him?” Gale asks once he’s stepped into the black haired boy’s room, looking at his boyfriend. Seeing the way he’s trying to tug off his shoe, huffing softly at the pull in his back. The blond walking over and tugging off his shoes for him, setting them in their designated place. Knowing John will roll right over them with his chair if they don’t go back where they belong.

“I’m not punishing him…”

“John, he’s been coming here every week for almost two and a half months. You’re torturing him because he knows you’re down here, maybe he just wants to get eyes on you. I’m sure the last time he saw you was not a good experience for either of you.” Gale states as he works on one calf muscle, before going to the next. Kneading his muscles tenderly, before he’s looking up at John. Seeing him staring out of the window, a pensive look on his face as he sits there.

“You really should see the massage therapist, I know it gets offered to you. I don’t know why you decline it every time though, your muscles are really tight. It would probably help.” John swallows thickly, looking down at his boyfriend finally. Meeting his gaze, watching as Gale rests his palms on Bucky’s kneecaps. Rubbing his thumbs into the sides gently, feeling the slight twitch from John’s right leg. Smiling a bit at the ticklish reaction, before he’s meeting Bucky’s gaze again.

“Massage therapy makes me nervous, they’re going to touch my body and I can’t feel it all of the way anymore. And it would be Danica rubbing me down…it’d be weird…he looks pathetic?” Gale hums softly and nods his head, looking up at his boyfriend again. Seeing the way he’s staring out the window, before he lets out a deep breath. Eyes darting over to the clock on his wall, and then looking back at Gale.

“I’ll go with you if you want honey.” John shakes his head slightly and runs his calloused hands over his face. Before he’s leaning forward and resting his forehead on Gale’s, eyes closed while he sits there for a minute.

“I gotta do it on my own.”

John slowly wheels himself into the visiting area, brows furrowed as he goes. Lifting his head to look around, seeing the head of black hair sitting at one of the tables. Shoulders scrunched down in his leather jacket, no doubt fiddling with his thumbs. His leg jiggling as he sits there, making his body bounce slightly.

“I’m only coming out here because my boyfriend said you looked pathetic.” John states as he stops his chair behind Curt, giving the boy a chance to flip around. The plastic chair he’s sitting in screeching slightly in his fast movements. His electric blue eyes wide, not at all having expected John to come out today. He had been trying for almost two and a half months, once John’s older sister had told him where he was. He made the weekly visits, every Wednesday coming to sit and wait for a few hours. Just to see if John would give him the time of day, he wanted to lay eyes on a more coherent Bucky.

“Y you’ve got a boyfriend now?” Curt gets out, scolding himself mentally for that being the first thing he says to his best friend. Watching as John shifts in his chair, arms crossing over his chest. Breathing deeply as he stares at Curtis, seeing how his blue eyes don’t have that same boyish shine to them anymore. Bone deep exhausted bags under his eyes, making a frown form on Bucky’s face. Curt wincing as he waits for the younger boy to tell him to go, clenching his fist against the back of the chair as he waits.

“You look like shit.”

“Yea…I know. Haven’t slept a night through in almost three and a half months.” Curtis responds, watching as John slowly wheels himself over towards the table. Carefully turning himself so he can watch his best friend, not missing how John eyes the cookies. Homemade from his Nan, he knew the younger boy loved them, and if it was a bit of bribery he would never admit it. John wheels himself up to the table, pushing one of the chairs over slightly so he fits better. Curt moving to grab it, before he sees Bucky shaking his head slightly.

“If you’re going to start apologizing, I’ll wheel out of here. I’ve had a little time to think on it, it wasn’t your fault that night. And…I’m sorry for how I acted towards you when you came to the hospital before.” John voices like it’s been rehearsed, it had been, a few times to Gale. The boy was anxious about seeing Curt again, the older was always his rock. He always could rely on him, and Bucky had pushed him away.

Disregarding any of Curtis’ feelings, how the accident might have affected him, how this entire mess was hurting his best friend. Looking up when he hears the stifled sound come out of Curt’s mouth, he sees the boy with tears in his eyes. Trying to frantically wipe them away, John feeling a little helpless. He had never seen Curt cry before, not even when he broke his ankle during a football game being tackled.

“Jesus Christ Bucky…I shouldn’t have let Ham get behind the wheel that night. I knew how fucked up he was, we all should have just walked home or something. I didn’t even know what happened until the next day, it was Janie who told me how bad you got hurt. And when I saw you in that hospital bed, fuck John, it hurt so bad. And I was trying to give you space, I really was, I just needed to see you more…alive.” Curt finishes before he’s covering his face again, shoulders shaking slightly. Crying quietly into his palms as he sits there, almost jumping out of his skin when he feels Bucky pulling him into a hug. His arms curling around the taller boy’s shoulders, hugging him tightly while burying his face in his throat. John keeps his arms around the smaller boy’s waist, hugging him to his body.

“I don’t need to forgive you…because you didn’t do anything wrong Curt. But you need to forgive yourself.” John murmurs quietly as he holds his best friend a little tighter to himself. Feeling the way the other boy’s hands scrabble to grab the back of his shirt. Letting him cry for as long as he needs to, rubbing his back through his leather jacket.

————————

“Gale? What are you doing here?” Brady asks as he stops outside of John’s room, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees Gale sitting and reading a book. Brady was coming to sit with Bucky and watch a movie, or the latest episode of the show they’ve been binging. Brady having needed to find something to keep himself occupied now that Gale had gone home. The brunet missing his friend even if they did text every single day.

“I’m waiting for John, he’s in the rec room visiting his friend. How are you? No Benny today?” Gale questions, popping his bookmark into his book. Sitting up straighter in John’s bed, moving one of the wedge pillows the boy has there. Setting his book on John’s tray table, smiling as he sees Brady slowly stepping into the room.

“N no, he had an emergency meeting or something with school. Couldn’t come today.” Brady responds, shrugging softly as he fiddles with his rosary. Rubbing his fingers over the smooth beads, Gale watching as he silently counts them. Realizing briefly that Brady is doing better than when he was first admitted. His hands weren’t always scrubbed raw anymore, and he didn’t pace as often. He had even touched Meatball a handful of times without having a full blown panic attack. Benny giving praise each time, which would in turn make Brady blush a furious red color.

“Are you guys talking more regularly now? I know he asked for your number last time he was here.” Gale says, trying not to pry but wanting his friend to know he can talk. Gale was working hard on making and keeping connections. Still diligently coming to therapy once a week on Thursdays with Maureen. He usually would see John afterwards, and that usually meant he stayed for dinner. Him and Marge lived together now in her two bedroom apartment, so they ate dinner together every night. And Gale would be lying if he said he remembered to eat every meal every day. But he was putting in the conscious effort to at least try.

“Y yea, we are. He texts me pictures of Meatball sometimes…we FaceTimed the other night for a little bit. That was nice, he was doing homework but it was nice to still talk to him.” The blond boy smiles as he looks at his friend, seeing how he’s stopped fidgeting. The beads just an accessory in his hand, holding them in his palm instead of obsessively counting them. Brady knew every groove, every edge, how many beads there are, and how many silver pieces. He knew this rosary like it was a piece of his body, because it was essentially an extension of himself.

“That sounds like it’s really nice, I’m really glad to hear that you guys are talking more.” They both look over at the sound of wheels rolling closer to the room. John coming into view just a moment later, Gale holding his breath slightly. Not sure what kind of mood the older boy is going to be in, watching as he wheels himself into the room. Looking up from where he’s been staring at his knee caps, exposed by his basket ball shorts. A bag of cookies sitting in his lap, chocolate chip if Gale could see correctly.

“Oh…hey Little John, is it marvel movie time?”

John asks, slightly confused as he looks at the brunet, flicking his eyes to Gale. Not really having the energy to entertain Brady tonight but also knowing that he’s been lonely since Gale got discharged. Brady looks at the older boy, before he’s shaking his head slightly, even if it disrupts his routine. He would be okay, he could go to his room or go to the rec room to find something to do. Maybe he would call his sister and see how she was doing, or his mom.

“No, it’s okay. We can watch the movie tomorrow. You look tired. Was just stopping by to see Gale.” He informs the older boy, rising from the chair and smiling a little at them both. Before he’s going to step out, pausing next to John and gently tapping his shoulder. Gale’s jaw dropping slightly as he watches, before Brady is heading from the room. Bucky looks up at his boyfriend, chuckling softly at his expression.

“He just, he touched you! I have gotten exactly one hug from him, and it was one of the most awkward hugs I’ve ever gotten. And he just willingly touched you. He’s doing so good.” The blond says, eyes watering for a moment as he thinks of how far the younger boy has come. John smiling a bit before he’s wheeling himself over towards his bed, letting out a long breath. Parking the chair next to the bed and reaching for the remote to slowly start lowering it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gale asks as he looks at his boyfriend, chewing on his lower lip as he examines the older’s face. Seeing the pinched skin between his eyebrows, his plush lower lip between his teeth, muscles looking a little tight. John locking the wheels of his chair and moving so he can transfer himself. Gale shifting his body over, ready to get up and help if John’s arms fail at all. Bucky slowly gets himself into the bed, pulling his legs up, while huffing softly from the exertion.

The both of them get under John’s comforter, Gale leaning over to tuck a wedge pillow behind John’s back. Tucking him onto his side gently, while John feels the tears welling. Quickly blinking them back as he lays there, looking up the slightly tanned line of Gale’s neck. Before the blond is laying next to him on his own side, bringing a hand up to gently touch John’s hip in a soothing manner.

“He cried…Curt cried in front of me. I’ve seen him break his ankle, fall out of a tree, flip his dirt bike, have his heart broken. I’ve never seen him cry Gale, he blames himself. He fucking blames himself for what happened…it wasn’t his fault.” John says, the ending coming out in a whisper before tears are finally breaking free. Gale scooting closer to wrap him in a hug, letting John tuck his face into his throat. Little shakes racking up the black haired boy’s shoulders, arms curled and tucked into his sides. The blond letting him cry, gently petting and caressing his hair. Running his fingers through the messy curls, chin pressed against John’s head.

“Are you two going to see each other more? Maybe start talking again?” Gale asks softly once John has calmed down some, said boy’s face tacky with dry salty tears. His forehead pressed into the side of Gale’s throat, breathing having evened out. No longer shuddery when he exhales, his arm curled around the blond’s waist. Needing that skin to skin contact, craving it, it being one of the only things that keeps him calm.

“Yea…said he’s gonna come back next week for another visit. He’s starting a new job though, so he won’t be able to come until dinner time. But thought it would be nice to have dinner with him again, I’ve missed him.” John admits as he breathes deeply, Gale nodding in understanding. Kissing the top of John’s curls, breathing in the faint smell of his shampoo. It always made Gale smile whenever he smelt it, coconutty and absolutely not what he expected. John took good care of his curls, had told him once his older sister Janie would kill him if he didn’t. John may look like a 3 in 1 guy, but he definitely had more shower products than even Gale did.

“I’m glad you guys talked today, I’m glad you’re going to start seeing him more too. I think it’ll be good for you.” Bucky nods his head in agreement, tired from everything that’s happened. PT was physically exhausting, but seeing Curt again and watching the older boy lose it, was a kind of mental exhaustion he didn’t know he could feel. Gale keeps rubbing his back as they lay together, fingers tracing the scars without realizing it. Lulling John into a quiet sleep, nose tucked close to Gale’s pulse point. Long arm curled up under the back of Gale’s sweater, just holding him close.

��———————

From: Buck 😍

To: John 😊

‘Are you awake still?’

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘Yea, was finishing an episode of ‘British Bake Off’, fucking Patricia burnt her caramel.’

From: Buck 😍

To: John 😊

‘Six attachments’

“Jesus fuck.” John gasps out, looking up at the closed door of his room out of habit. Laying tucked on his side, wedge pillows stuffed next to his spine and butt. His eyes wide as he clicks on the pictures, jaw dropping as he sees the images of Gale’s cock. Flushed pink, tip looking wet and ruddy, Gale’s hand wrapped around himself. John feels arousal pooling low in his stomach, flicking through the different pictures.

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘Did you text me for a booty call? Because last I checked…you don’t have a car and I can’t drive…’

From: John 😊

To: Buck 😍

‘Your cock is still the prettiest I’ve ever seen…definitely would put you in my mouth if you were here.’

John’s phone buzzes with an impending FaceTime call, swiping to answer it. He’s met with Gale’s bunny face, pink cheeked, a little sweaty, strands of his hair falling on his forehead. Bucky’s eyes go wide, taking in the way the blond is trying to focus on the screen. John is thankful that he has his headphone in his ear, able to hear the way Gale is whimpering quietly.

“Baby…are you touching yourself right now?” John murmurs, his heart speeding up in his chest, shifting just slightly in his bed. Watching the way Gale rapidly nods his head, jaw dropping down on a moan. Slightly high pitched and needy, John groaning softly in response. His eyes watching with rapt attention, the other boy’s phone shaking just slightly. Another whine coming from Gale’s mouth, eyes squeezing shut.

“Wanna, I wanna see your cock. Wanna see you touch yourself…please John?” Gale whimpers out, shifting just slightly on the bed, trying to get a better angle. Opening his eyes to look at John, seeing the way he’s staring at him. Glasses reflecting the light just slightly, his jaw dropped open. His own cheeks tinged a pink color as he lays there, infatuated with the other boy.

“Baby…why don’t I just talk you through it? Are you…fuck are you fingering yourself?” John gets out, watching the little shudder course through Gale’s body. The blond bobbing his head in acknowledgement, moaning as he presses down on his prostate. Desperately wishing he had thought to grab the vibrator, it curved just right inside of him. A frown forming on his face as he lays there, opening his eyes to stare back at his boyfriend.

“Wanna see you cum…please, wanna know you feel good too. Don’t wanna use you.”

“Fuck baby you can use me anytime. God I wish I was there, have your pretty cock in my mouth and put my fingers inside of you. You make the prettiest sounds.” Gale whines softly at the image John is painting behind his eyelids. His fingers pressing into himself a little quicker now, dropping his phone down to flick on the light. Blinding himself momentarily, before he’s trying to set his phone on the nightstand. John groaning when he gets a decent view of Gale, naked on his bed.

“You have such a pretty cock baby…I say it all the time but it’s true. I want you to choke me with it, will you do that next time? Hold my hair and make me take your cock? Oh fuck Gale, how many fingers do you have in yourself?” The black haired boy asks, his stomach tightening slightly as he watches. Gale shifting himself around so he can splay his legs open for John to watch. Stuffing a pillow under his butt to angle himself up enough, knowing he’s been successful when he hears the moan let loose from the older boy.

“Fuck you look so good…want you to ride my face. Just want to get my mouth on you, I should have licked my fingers clean the last time. Put a third finger in baby…mine are bigger than yours…it’ll be a stretch. Oh fuck look at you.” John almost whimpers the end as he watches Gale stuff three of his fingers into himself. His other hand moving as he strokes himself, thighs splayed wide for John to see everything. The boy unable to take his eyes off of the way Gale is touching himself. Listening to the bitten off whimpers from the blond, almost able to hear the wet squelch of lube.

“J John…I’m gonna cum.” Gale gasps out as his thighs tense, pressing against his prostate with every in stroke. His other thumb rubbing quick circles over his tip, a little puddle of precum on the skin below his belly button. Making the hair there sticky, the little mole on his skin shiny. His fingers pushing into himself quicker now, chasing his orgasm. Whines starting up as he works himself towards the edge, listening to John.

“Cum for me doll…cover yourself in it. That’s it, keep going. Fuck I want to watch you lick it off your fingers afterwards…and you’re gonna look at me while you do it. Fuck baby, yes fuck that’s it. You’re a good boy for me, fucking yourself so nicely when I’m not there.” Gale sobs out as he starts to orgasm, strips landing on his stomach and chest. Shivers rolling up his spine as he squeezes around himself tighter, fingers pushed against his sweet spot. Working himself through the aftershocks, able to hear John praising him on the other end of the phone. Glad he popped an ear bud in, not wanting Marge to hear the debauched way John is talking.

He slips his fingers from himself, whining softly at the loss, before he’s going to move so he’s facing John better. Blown pupils meeting the older boy’s, seeing how spit slick his lips are. No doubt from the boy biting down into them, his cheeks a pink color. Gale looks at him, bringing his fingers up to lick them clean. Bucky letting out a little whimper, his jaw dropping open. The blond making a bit of a show of it, sucking his cum off of his fingers.

“Jesus fucking Christ doll…I’m definitely getting you in my mouth next time.” John states once he’s caught his breath, Gale smiling and chuckling a bit. Laying in his bed, blissed out, a little tingly, and now getting sleepy. Turning his head to look back at his boyfriend, he sees him shifting in the bed. Wincing at the pull in his back as he tries to adjust the pillow behind his butt.

“Next time…I’m getting you in my mouth John. You’re lucky I had already started…as much as I enjoyed you talking me through it. I don’t like feeling like I’ve used you…” Gale tells the older boy, shifting to grab his phone, rising from his bed. Snagging his briefs and sneaking out of the bedroom to clean himself in the bathroom quickly.

Putting his finger to his mouth, even though Marge wouldn’t be able to hear John’s voice at all. Wiping himself up and using the restroom before he slides his deep blue briefs back up. Going back to his room and grabbing his pajama pants, pulling those on before he gets into bed. Rubbing his eye and flipping off the lamp, surrounded in darkness again aside from his phone screen.

“Go ahead…I can see it, you’re bursting at the seams.”

“You didn’t use me, I haven’t tried touching myself since the accident. The last time we did anything, it’s the first time someone has touched me since then. I feel awkward playing with my soft dick, don’t know how to do it, not used to not getting hard anymore. I definitely enjoyed watching you touch yourself, it might have single handedly been the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed.” John states as he looks at his boyfriend, reaching for the remote to lower the upper portion of his bed. Trying to take some pressure off of his back, Gale watching him. Waiting for the boy to get more comfortable, tugging up his blanket to cover his shoulders. The deep green comforter brought from home by his little sister, a little weighted and keeping John pleasantly warm.

“I respect what you’re saying…I want you to know though. It still turns me on to see your dick, even if it is soft. I still enjoy making you cum, watching your facial expressions. Listening to your sounds, it’s still hot to me. You don’t ever have to touch yourself, but never be embarrassed about it. Because, I enjoy your cock, and I think if we work together we can make it good for you.” John feels his face get hot, the tips of his ears burning a little bit. Burying his face in the blanket for a minute as he contemplates what he wants to say. His glasses fogging up just a little bit as he lays there with a little smile on his face. Gale smiling victoriously, he rarely ever got John to go quiet.

“Waxing poetic on me here Buck. Really know how to make a guy feel special.”

“Nah…I just know how to make you feel special.” The blond responds while smiling a little to himself, eyes closing as he listens to the soft chuckle flow through the speakers. Sleepiness invading his senses, body feeling heavy and relaxed from his orgasm. Listening as John says something about talking more tomorrow, already too far gone in sleep to respond.

————————

“Buck what are you doing? I need to shower, I smell.” John says as he gets wheeled into his room, the door clicking closed behind them both. Gale humming softly as he rolls the older boy over to his bed, grabbing the remote to lower it down.

“You are getting a massage today, and I’m going to suck your cock.” Gale states with a little shrug like it’s not a big deal, John choking on his Gatorade as he looks up at his boyfriend. Eyes widening as he sees that he is completely serious, the blond getting the bed down. Turning back to look at John with a little smirk on his lips.

“So do you want your massage first or your cock sucked? Because I’m down for either right now.”

“Jesus Christ Gale…what if someone walks in?” John gets out, clutching the bottle in his hand tightly. Feeling arousal pooling in his lower stomach, his eyes wide. Gale sits on the side of the bed, pulling John over towards himself. His large hands sliding up the older boy’s thighs, squeezing gently before he’s leaning in to press a kiss to John’s cheek. Kissing in a slow move over to the other boy’s lips, pushing his mouth against his. Sucking and nipping at his lower lip, dragging a hand up to grab at John’s chest, pinching at his nipple over his shirt.

“If someone knocks at the door, you’re going to tell them you’re laying down for a nap…do you want me to suck your cock John?” Gale murmurs as he drags his nose across the older boy’s jaw, moving over to nip at his ear. Goosebumps forming on John’s skin, his eyes fluttering closed. Whimpering when Gale slides his hand into his shirt to pinch and tug at his nipple. His other hand rubbing down onto John’s length through his shorts, squeezing slightly. The black haired boy whining at the dual sensations, hands gripping the arm rests of his chair.

“Fuck…of course I want you to suck my cock doll…oh fuck.” He gasps out when Gale pushes his hand into his shorts and briefs, gliding across the hair on John’s pelvic bone. Scratching through it gently, before he curls his hand around John’s soft cock. Squeezing gently, letting go and continuing on to cup the older boy’s balls. Rubbing his thumb over the globes, massaging them in his palm. Listening to the hiccuping breaths coming from John, bringing his face back so he can watch the other’s expressions.

“Does it feel good John?” The black haired boy nods, eyes fluttering closed as he moans softly. His stomach sucking in when Gale grips him a little tighter, tugging softly before letting go. Pulling John’s shorts down enough for his length to spill out, both of them looking down. John opening his mouth, before making a sound as two of Gale’s fingers are shoving past his lips.

“Don’t…I can see you getting ready to apologize, I’ll stop if you do. Let me play with you, let me make you feel good, yea?” The blond asks as he looks at the other boy, seeing him bob his head, a smile forming on his face. Slipping his fingers from John’s mouth as he slides down onto the floor. Situating John’s foot pedals so he can scoot closer, pulling his hair into a low bun. Securing it with a hair tie off of his wrist, his hands skimming across the other’s thighs. Humming softly as he does, smiling at the black haired boy.

“You always say my cock is pretty…have you seen yours? It’s so thick John, I’d feel you for days.” Gale states as he wraps his hand around his length, squeezing softly and tilting him up. Leaning down to lick across his tip, hearing the little whimper fall from Bucky’s mouth. His eyes flicking up while he smiles, before he’s flattening his tongue. Licking down the underside, going down to his balls and sucking one into his mouth. Laving his tongue around, humming softly and shifting to the other one. Making a popping sound when he pulls off, dragging his tongue back up John’s cock.

“Oh fuck Gale…keep going…please.” John murmurs as his lower stomach spasms, his eyes flicking to the door. Before he’s groaning at the feel of Gale wrapping his lips around his tip, sucking and flicking his tongue. Dipping it into the little slit, while his long fingers squeeze and move in little increments. Bucky’s eyes dropping back down to watch, one of his hands coming down to clutch at Gale’s bicep where it’s resting on his thigh. Whining when he feels the blond suck at him a little harder, dipping his head in an even motion now.

“You look so pretty…your lips are so pretty. Fuck Gale, oh fucking shit.” The black haired boy pants out as his nose scrunches up, his hand desperately gripping at Gale’s bicep. Gale moaning as he gets a little salty taste suddenly, flicking his tongue back up to John’s tip. Looking up to watch as John’s head falls back, the pale expanse of his neck exposed. Gale sliding his hand down to squeeze and massage his balls, tugging at them slightly. John’s free hand slapping up to cover his mouth as he moans, blunt nails digging into Gale’s inner arm. The blond presses all of the way down, nose touching the hair at John’s base. Swallowing around him, his tip touching the back of his throat and lodging there perfectly.

“I’m, fuck, Gale, I’m gonna cum. P pull up, fuck pull up.” John gasps out, shuddering at the growl released from Gale’s chest. Eyes flicking down to meet the little glare on the blond boy’s face. Feeling as Gale rubs his balls again, squeezing and massaging. Looking right up at John and watching as the tears well in the black haired boy’s eyes. His chin tipping to his chest as he starts to orgasm, jaw dropping open with stuttered out whimpers. Gale’s eyes fluttering a little as he tastes the dribbles spilling from John, salty and a little bitter. Pulling back slowly, licking at him the entire time as he goes. Before he’s popping off, panting quietly as he kneels between John’s legs on the floor.

“Did so well John, tastes so good.” Gale murmurs, voice a little hoarse as he carefully helps tuck the older’s cock away. Leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of John’s lips, smiling when he is being nose bumped. Their lips meeting in a kiss, both of them letting out soft sounds as they sit there. Before Gale is hoisting himself up onto the side of John’s bed, resting his forehead on the older’s. Jumping a bit when he feels John’s warm palm sliding up his thigh, squeezing softly.

“This was about you, I’m alright. Let’s get you into the shower and then I’m rubbing you down with this oil that Marge swears by.” The blond says smiling softly as he looks at his boyfriend, John taking a deep breath. Looking up at Gale with slightly sleepy eyes, the workout from PT combined with the blowjob making him tired. His large hand going around to hold the back of Gale’s neck and head. Pulling him close for a kiss, sucking gently at the blond’s lower lip. Both of them melting into the touch, just enjoying the push and pull of their mouths.

“You’re going to tell me if I hurt you at all right?” Gale asks as he kneels over the backs of John’s calves, the boy stripped down to his basket ball shorts. Fresh from the shower, skin still a little damp, curls wet and floppy. His head pillowed by his forearms, bed completely flat giving them plenty of room. The bottle of oil that Marge insisted he get for this warming between Gale’s hands.

“I’ll let you know Buck, can’t hurt worse than it always does anyways.” Bucky responds with a little shrug, resting his heavy head on the back of his hands. Gale frowning at that comment, before he’s uncapping the bottle and squeezing some into his palm. Dropping the bottle onto the bed, rubbing his hands together, and gently setting them to one of John’s thighs. Feeling the coarse, curly hair there digging his thumbs in gently. Working the tense muscles with a careful touch, covering John’s entire thighs and going down to his calves.

“You’re in pain because your muscles are like locked in an iron grip. God damn John.” Gale mumbles as he rubs and digs his thumbs in, listening to the even breathing that John is doing. The boy not responding to most of the touches, even if his skin goosebumps up. The sensation is dull, tingling going up his legs, before Gale is moving up his thighs again. Smirking as he massages the tense muscles under John’s butt, squeezing gently.

“Trying to get fresh with me Buck?” Gale snorts softly as he shakes his head a bit, smiling as he continues on his journey. Feeling John stiffen a bit when he gets to his hips, tugging the waist band of his shorts down slightly. Looking at the scars sitting there, before he’s leaning down and pressing his lips to the line. The scar tissue thick, raised up off of John’s skin, and a dark reddish pink color. Still in the process of fully healing, a little shudder going up the older boy’s back. More goosebumps rising as he lays there, able to fully feel Gale’s hands on him now.

“I already got fresh with you John…I’m trying to get you to relax for me.” The blond answers as he drips more oil into his hands and warms it. Before he’s massaging the pale expanse of the other boy’s back, rubbing his thumbs in soothing swipes. Feeling the tension slowly leaking out of John’s body, his eyes fluttering closed.

Letting a soft sigh spill from his lips, feeling the way Gale rests on his thighs. Being mindful of how hard he presses on certain areas, admiring the imperfections in John’s skin. Freckles, moles, stretch marks along his hips and under his arm pits. A few faint scars from bad acne breakouts, followed by the surgical scars lining his spine.

“That feels good…thank you.” John hums softly, muscles feeling like goo as he lays there. Eyes closed, cheek squished against the back of his hand, body completely lax. Gale smiles a bit as he continues, finishing up by John’s neck and shoulders. Pressing his forehead against the back of John’s barely damp curls. Breathing deeply, getting hit with the coconut scent of his shampoo and conditioner.

“You don’t have to thank me…but you’re welcome.” Gale murmurs as he turns John’s head with a bump of his nose to his ear. Smiling as he places a kiss to John’s cheek, nuzzling close for a minute. Feeling the way John’s cheek crinkles up with a smile, both of them breathing quietly for a few moments.

“I love you.” Gale whispers after a few minutes, his heart freezing in his chest. Not at all having expected that to spill out from his mouth, pulling away from John’s face. Seeing the way John has turned his head more to try and look at Gale. His own eyes wide, making Gale want to shrink away worried that he’s just ruined all of this.

“I love you too Gale.” John responds in a soft voice, trying to shift so he can look at the blond boy. Gale moving off of his body, sitting next to him with slick hands. Staring at his palms, heart still racing, stomach in knots. Before he feels John’s big fingers gently touching his cheek, getting him to meet his gaze.

“I mean it Gale…I really do love you. I think I have for a while now.”

“I love you too John…which terrifies me…” John nods his head in understanding, rubbing his thumb across Gale’s high cheek bone. Before he’s bringing the blond’s forehead against his own, their noses bumping. Both of them breathing quietly, John not wanting to overwhelm Gale at all. His fingers rubbing and massaging the nape of his neck, gently playing with the longer strands.

“What scares you about it?” The black haired man asks softly as he rubs his thumb under Gale’s ear gently. Reaching for the little towel he keeps by his bedside, offering it to Gale to wipe his hands off. Watching as the blond meticulously wipes the oil off of his hands, making sure it’s not stuck between his fingers at all.

“I’ve never had someone love me for just being me. Except for Marge…and Marge has seen me through some awful stuff. I’ve never had someone love me just because they want to, it usually comes with stipulations. My dad used me when he could and he beat me because he could. My mom had her own issues, she was a bipolar depressive woman who had a kid she didn’t want. This is all new for me…and new scares me. I’m scared you’re going to look at me one day and decide you don’t want me anymore. I’m terrified that I’m going to hurt you like my dad and mom hurt me. I don’t want that to happen, I don’t want us to turn into them.” Gale explains as he stares at his hands, John laying on his side staring at his boyfriend. Before he’s gently turning the blond’s face to look at him, eyes soft and tender. Brushing his long strands of hair back, trying to get the other boy to look at him. Taking a deep breath in and choosing his words wisely.

“My love isn’t conditional…my love doesn’t demand you be anything but yourself. I love this Gale that’s sitting in front of me, this one sitting here is holding my heart in his hands. I didn’t know your parents, but if they were like mine. I’m aiming to be nothing like my dad, he was a mean piece of work when he wanted to be. And my ma didn’t deserve that, I have no idea why she’s still with him. I’m not saying this to compare trauma either Gale. But if we don’t want to turn into them…then we’ve actively got to work to not be them.” John explains as he looks at the blond, finally getting his cornflower blue eyes to come up. A shiny glassy sheen over them, before he’s nodding his head in agreement. Letting John pull him into a hug, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder. His thinner arm curling around John’s waist, both of them just resting together.

“Just so you know…I’m absolutely going to randomly tell you I love you now. So good luck with that.” John murmurs a little while later, Gale smiling and letting a little chuckle slip from his mouth. Pressing a kiss to John’s cheek and snuggling close, enjoying how warm the older boy’s body is compared to his own.

“I won’t ever say no to you telling me you love me.” Gale murmurs as he kisses John’s cheek again, smiling when the older boy brings him over for a proper kiss. Gale making a mental note to get chapstick for John, but still enjoying the feel of his lips against his own.

————————

“Hi Gale, he’s back in his room. I know he’s had a headache, so he might be napping.” Nurse Hadley says smiling when she sees the blond making his way through the corridor. Having come from the floor above, therapy having been good that day. He had worked through a lot of emotions with Maureen pertaining to applying to school, and how that will change his life.

“Thank you Nurse Hadley.” He replies before heading down the hallway for Bucky’s room, a little pep in his step. He felt good today, not in a manic way where everything felt good with no consequences. But in a, life is getting a little better kind of way, a way he doesn’t feel like he’s treading water. Rather he’s floating in it, he’s able to relax just a smidge and breathe for the first time in forever.

Stepping into John’s room makes him smile, the sketches from Janelle are hanging on the wall, his giant calendar decorated for the month. There’s a few photos on his dresser now, the one of him and Curt placed delicately. The plastic covering it is still broken, but John won’t replace it. The smell in the room is completely John, his cologne mixed with his body wash.

Something woodsy, it reminds Gale of hiking in the summertime with Marge when they were younger. He looks up to see John sleeping in bed, laying on his left side with his pillows tucked all around him. His glasses are crooked on his face, like he fell asleep waiting, his phone face down on the bed. No doubt he was watching more ‘Great British Bake Off’, the obsession he had with that show Gale would never understand.

He quietly sets his satchel bag down on the chair, before he’s stepping over and gently taking off John’s glasses. Setting them on the tray table near by, picking up his phone to plug it in. Bucky was notorious for it just dying, he never seemed to realize it was dwindling down quickly. He goes to pull back John’s comforter, humming softly as he feels how soft it is between his fingers. Before he’s resting his hand on the bed to slide in, furrowing his brows at the wetness that meets his fingertips. Pulling his hand up and lifting the blankets a little more, his face is falling when realization takes over.

“John…honey, you’ve gotta get up. John.” Gale says quietly as he gently touches John’s shoulder with his dry hand. Trying not to startle the older boy, he runs his fingers through his curls softly. Before he gently shakes John, the older making a quiet sound as his face scrunches up. Squeezing his eyes shut before he’s opening them, smiling when his blurry eyes see Gale.

“Mm hi baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Come cuddle me.” John murmurs as he rubs his eye sleepily, briefly reminding Gale of a giant toddler. Lifting his head slightly, curls in a complete disarray before he’s able to see Gale’s expression. Shifting an arm down, his expression drops when he feels the wetness under him. Looking down quickly and almost making himself dizzy from the head tilt he sees the wet spot under him. Gale watching as a flurry of emotion filters across Bucky’s face, horror, shock, embarrassment, and then anger finally settling.

“John, it’s okay, let me call Rebecca or I think Sam is here today. It’s okay honey.” John doesn’t bring his eyes up to Gale, pushing the blankets down and glaring at his lap. His big hand is trying to blindly reach for his chair next to the bed. Groping around the air for it, before he’s suddenly almost tipping off the bed. The blond letting out a squawk and lunging for him, grabbing him by his shirt and kneeling in the wet spot with one knee. Keeping John stationed on the bed, their foreheads almost colliding.

“John stop, you’re going to hurt yourself. Let me call Sam in and he can help you. If you won’t let me, let him. I don’t want you to brain yourself on the floor. It was an accident, they happen, you couldn’t control that.” Gale is saying even as Bucky is shaking his head a bit. Hot tears forming in his eyes as he sits there, mortification sitting heavily in his stomach. A little whimper coming up his throat as he sits there, looking down at the bed again. Another sound slipping from his mouth when he sees that Gale is kneeling in his urine.

“I’m not a toddler…toddlers have accidents. I fucking pissed myself like a toddler. And now you’re fucking kneeling in it, you put your hand in it. All because I couldn’t fucking remember to go pee before I got into bed.” John gets out, trying desperately to not break down and cry. He did not want to cry in front of Gale, it would solidify his toddler stand point.

Refusing to meet the blond’s eyes as they both stay in the bed, before he’s catching the movement of Gale’s hand going to hit the call light. A defeated puff of air leaving his throat, a few hot tears of shame leaking down his cheeks. Before he’s quickly scrubbing his hands across his face when the knock on the door sounds. Nurse Hadley smiling as she steps in, before she’s seeing Gale holding both of John’s forearms.

“How can I help?” She’s asking as she closes the door 3/4 of the way, pumping hand sanitizer into her palm and stepping over. Eyes assessing everything she can see, landing on the wet spot on the bed, before she gets eyes on John again. Gale takes a deep breath as he looks at his boyfriend, waiting for him to talk. Not knowing how John wants to word this, not wanting to upset him any further.

“I need to take a shower…had an…I had an accident.” John mumbles the ending, Hadley nodding her head and going towards the connected bathroom. Turning on the shower head before stepping back out, lowering the bed a bit and pulling John’s chair over. Gale meets the nurse’s eyes for a second, before he’s watching her grab one of the towels off of John’s dresser and setting it on the seat.

“Okay, can you slide over? That’s it.” Hadley murmurs as she helps John into his chair, Gale letting go of his forearms. Kneeling there for a minute before John is slowly wheeling himself to the bathroom. Nurse Hadley is standing there for a minute, before she’s stepping over to the door frame. Letting John know she’ll bring him in some fresh towels, and to let her know when he’s ready to come out.

“I can change his sheets…I don’t think his comforter is dirty.“ Gale murmurs as he slowly gets off the bed, pushing said blanket down towards the foot of it. Wincing a little at the wetness coating the knees of his jeans, but knowing John probably has pants he can burrow. Hadley steps out into the hallway quietly, flagging down Rebecca to get towels, fresh sheets, and John’s pain medicine.

“John…can I come in? I need to wash my hands and change my pants.” Gale asks after he’s knocked on the door, hearing an affirming noise come from the older boy. He steps inside, being met by the steam from the shower, breathing deeply as he goes to wash his hands quietly. A pair of John’s joggers tucked under his arm, a drawstring on the waist so he can pull them snug on himself. He leans against the counter for a second, looking at the outline of John sitting under the water. His shower chair being pelted by the stream, while he sits there staring at the wall.

“I hope it’s okay that I’m burrowing your pants…I don’t have any here.” Gale says as he stands there, chewing on his lower lip. The water cutting off suddenly, John moving the curtain to the side to look at him. His eyes red rimmed, no doubt he had been crying in the shower. His curls are sopping wet on his forehead, almost reminding Gale of a long haired cat when they get wet. But his heart breaking at the expression on John’s face, his features trying to show no emotion. His eyes the only thing giving away how utterly devastated he’s feeling.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry you got my piss on your pants. I’m sorry my useless body can’t fucking work right. I’m sorry my dick doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. I’m sorry Gale.” John almost whimpers the end, the blond dropping the jogger pants onto the counter behind himself. Pressing his front to the other boy’s wet chest, not giving a damn if his sweater and shirt get soaked. His arms curling around the back of John’s neck to keep his face pressed against Gale’s chest. While John sits in the shower chair, crying quietly into the blond’s shirt.

“Your body isn’t useless John, you have no idea how strong you are. You’ve been through so much, you didn’t do anything wrong. Nobody is mad at you, except for you, you’re being your own worst enemy right now. You’re punishing yourself for something out of your control sweetheart.” Gale tells him softly, holding him close and rubbing his nose across his wet hair, squeezing him just a little tighter. Feeling as the shaking subsides in John’s shoulders, little wet sniffles coming from the older boy. Gale can feel shivers starting up John’s body, looking up just as Nurse Hadley is stepping in with towels.

Smiling softly at them, both Gale and Hadley wrapping John in two towels. One just wasn’t enough to cover his broad body, before she’s helping John transfer into his chair. Something he usually has no issues with but his entire body was drained. Arms shaking slightly, brain feeling exhausted and gooey, before he’s letting Hadley wheel him out. Gale changing his pants quickly before stepping out, watching as John gets dressed slowly. The older boy silently offering the blond a shirt, knowing he soaked his through.

“John, I’ve got your pain medicine here.” Nurse Hadley says softly as she comes over with the little medicine cup, John situated in his bed now. Pillows tucked around him to keep him comfortable, heating pad pressed into his middle spine. Gale tucking the comforter around his body, before he’s grabbing his water bottle. The thing covered in stickers courtesy of Janelle, John’s younger sister collecting them just to come and slap them on the metal bottle. Bucky accepts the medicine cup, tipping his head back and taking his water to wash them down.

“Gale…can you just, hold me for a little while tonight?” John murmurs once the blond has gotten into the bed again, blankets tucked around them both. Gale smiling a little and nodding his head, helping John shift around. Until Bucky is tucked into his side, his arm curled over Gale’s torso, head nestled into the crook of Gale’s neck and shoulder. While the blond gently rubs his back, fingers soft and sweet.

“I love you John.”

“I love you too Gale.”

————————

“Hi Brady…can I sit?” Benny asks smiling as he looks at the brunet boy, sitting on a bench in the court yard. The soft mid summer breeze blowing through his hair, the sun shining down and making him almost look angelic. Brady looks up and squints softly, seeing Benny standing there before he’s nodding his agreement. The tanned boy smiling as he sits down, keeping enough distance between them.

“No Meatball today?” Brady asks, voice soft with unsureness, trying not to fidget where he’s sitting. Benny is smiling softly when he sees that Brady’s rosary is laying across his thigh, not clasped in his hands today. He could pass for almost calm, if it wasn’t for his fingers tapping a rhythm against his thigh.

“Nah, it’s a little too hot out for him today. But I still wanted to come by…and see you.” Brady is silent for a few minutes, mulling words over in his head. His stomach feeling like it’s wrapped itself around a telephone pole, his palms breaking out in a sweat. The boy wanting to scrub his hands clean, he hated being sweaty. He hated the feel of it on his skin, he hated the feeling of it drying, he hated it all together.

“Benny…I, I really like you. I’ve liked you for a long time now, and I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never wanted to hold someone’s hand the way I want to hold yours. I’ve never wanted to see someone smile the way I want to see you smile. I’m, I’m scared Benny. But I don’t want to be scared anymore.” Brady blurts out suddenly, his eyes squeezing shut as he sits there. His heart in his throat, stomach dropping before he’s frantically grabbing for his beads. Fiddling with them as he tries to calm himself down, Benny giving him a minute. Trying to formulate his own words, a pleasant bubble of happiness blooming in his chest. A little grin tugging at the edges of his lips, before he sees the drop of Brady’s shoulders.

“I like you too Brady…I don’t want you to be scared either. We can take this at your pace, there’s no rush. I’d be happy to just sit next to you every day, but I’d be absolutely okay with holding your hand. What if we start out small? Maybe just locking pinkies for now?” Benny offers as he holds up his hand, flicking out his pinky as if he’s getting ready to make promises. Brady looks at him, the breath leaving his lungs in a slow puff. Before he’s nodding a little and raising his hand up, linking their pinkies together shyly. Eyes closing at the skin to skin contact, something he hasn’t allowed willingly for a very long time. Not seeing the smile that graces Benny’s features as he sees the way Brady’s shoulders slump into a calm posture.

————————

“Curt this is Buck, Buck this is Curt.” John introduces as all three of them sit in the rec area. Curt snorts softly as he looks at his best friend before he’s looking at Gale. The blond’s eyebrows scrunching together, wondering if Curt is judging him. Before the black haired boy is leaning over and shoving Bucky’s shoulder slightly.

“You named him Buck? Jesus Christ Bucky, you shoulda just tattooed your name on him if you were gonna mark your claim.” Curt says before he’s laughing and shaking his head slightly, smiling at the younger boy. Gale looking at his boyfriend just to see him smiling a little bit at his fingers. Curt wiping the tears off of his cheeks, hearty laughs finally subsiding. Before he’s looking at Gale again and grinning cheekily, shoving his hand out for a handshake.

“My name is actually Gale, but he wouldn’t accept that as an answer when we first met.” The youngest says as he shakes Curt’s hand, feeling the callouses on his fingers. Similar to the way John’s palms were bumped over from wheeling himself in his chair. Curt shoots him a smile before he’s looking at Bucky again, causing Gale to look over. Slightly shocked to see the heated flushed covering John’s cheeks up to the tips of his ears.

“Why am I not surprised? This bastard is territorial if you haven’t noticed by now. But it’s nice to meet you Gale, he hasn’t shut up about you whenever I come by. ‘Buck this’ and ‘Buck that’, it’s good to put a face to a name. Not that he hasn’t shown me pictures.” Curt goads while smirking at his best friend, John groaning quietly at the ribbing he’s receiving. Gale smiling a little as he looks at the older boy, watching the blush get darker on his skin. John bringing his palms up to rub across his face, a bashful expression on his features.

“Alright, alright stop it now. You’ve made a fool of me enough today. I’m going to regret introducing you both.” John groans loudly as he shakes his head, reaching for Gale’s hand to hold it in his own. John was tactile, he liked to be touched and to touch. Buck rubs his thumb across the older’s knuckles in a gentle swipe. Feeling the little squeeze he gets in return, smiling softly as he does.

“Yea…he is a bastard isn’t he?” Curt cracks up again, laughing loudly as he sits there. Shaking his head with a giant smile lighting up his entire face, eyes crinkling. Making Gale chuckle softly while John tips his head back, just glad that two of the most important people in his life are getting along.

————————

“Careful of the lip, Janelle make sure the chair doesn’t hit the door.” Janie says as she pushes John’s chair through the threshold of his and Curt’s new apartment. Both boys renting out a handicap accessible place, John unable to live by himself quite yet. Gale and him had briefly talked about moving in together, but had decided against it. Gale was still new in his own recovery, and taking care of John would be too much. Curt had happily offered to move in with John, it got him out of his Nan’s house, and he missed seeing John every day.

“If the wall gets scuffed it isn’t a problem, don’t worry about it girls.” Curt says from where he’s setting John’s bags down on the couch, smiling at his friend. Seeing the smile that John flashes back, the car ride over had been eventful. John hadn’t ridden in a car since he was transferred from the hospital to the rehab center. He was white knuckling the door the entire time, Janie’s little car was hard for him to get into. It had pinched his back a bit, making the muscles tense and strain. Janelle had been talking a mile a minute in the backseat, while Curt and Gale had followed in his car with John’s stuff.

“This place is so cute! Aww John your room has a really good view of the pond back here! I bet there will be ducks and swans too!” Janelle squeals happily, having stepped off to explore once they got John inside all of the way. Gale searching in the bags for John’s medicine, knowing without a doubt his boyfriend is in pain. Janie fussing over John’s curls, brushing them off his forehead. While Curt is bringing John’s stuff to his room, his special bed already having been delivered. Any speciality pillows he needed sitting on the king sized mattress.

“I’m so sorry we didn’t meet before Gale, our schedules just never seemed to align. But I’ve heard a lot about you, you’ve got my brother smitten.” The older girl says, smiling as she looks up from her brother. Her smile exactly like John’s making her pretty blue eyes crinkle up, her own curly hair pulled up into a claw clip. John makes a soft sound, scrunching his nose, while Gale smiles a little bit. Stepping over with John’s metal water bottle, and a pain pill in his palm.

“I’ve been told that a few times now…it’s really nice to meet you too Janie. John has told me a lot about you and Janelle. Here John…it’s one of the lower dose pills.” He murmurs as he holds out the white tablet, before he’s offering the bottle next. John accepting both, wincing as he shifts in his chair again. Janie frowning when she sees how much pain her brother is in, brushing his hair back again softly. Gale smiling a little when he sees how much John’s sister loves him, and how much he loves her in return. Already opening his mouth to insist that he’s fine, just stiff from PT, even though he hadn’t had PT that day.

“Speaking of PT, when do you go back? How many days a week?” Curt asks as he steps back into the room, looking at the other three. Janelle already in John’s room, unpacking his bags for him. Janie out at her car, getting her scissors and hair cutting tools, commenting that John’s hair was too long. It needed to be trimmed up, his face needing a good shave too and she was determined to do it for him.

“I go back on Monday, it’ll be three days a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.” John murmurs as he sits in his chair, slightly overwhelmed from everything that has happened in just the last few hours. Gale brushes his fingers over John’s neck, rubbing in a gentle motion. Smiling softly before he’s leaning in to press a kiss to John’s lips, bumping their noses together softly. John reaching for him to tug him close, Gale slipping into his lap, his arm curling around the older’s neck.

“Ugh stop it you two…you’re gonna make me hurl.” Curt groans as he comes to the living room carrying a drink for himself, Janelle giggling as she comes down the hallway. While Janie steps back into the apartment, carrying her hair cutting tools and a box. Smiling when she sees John and Gale sitting together, a blush rising on the blond’s cheeks before he’s shyly trying to get off of John’s lap. John letting out a little sound, lips pushing out in a pout at the loss of his boyfriend in his lap.

“C’mon…your sister wants to cut your unruly mop.” Gale murmurs as he kisses John’s forehead, before he’s wheeling him into the bathroom. Janie smiling as she follows behind, watching as John gently wraps his hand around Gale’s wrist. Bringing the blond boy’s hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles, breathing deeply as they stay together for a moment.

“I’m going to make sure Curt doesn’t order the entire menu at the pizza place. I’ll be just a call away though if you want me back in here.” Gale says after a quiet minute, kissing John’s forehead shyly. Slipping out around Janie, before she’s stepping in and smiling a little. Janelle sneaking into the room to sit on the closed toilet lid, bringing her knee up to rest her chin on. Staring at her brother’s profile, smiling when she wants him breathing evenly.

“When are you two getting married?” The youngest Egan asks with a smile on her lips, John makes a sound at that. Shaking his head a bit before Janie is keeping his head still, combing out his curls. Being mindful of any tangles or snarls he might have, smiling when she sees how relaxed he becomes. He always reminded her of a dog when he was little, a few scratches to his head and he was putty. Rolling over and showing his belly to whoever gave him the attention.

“We’ve only been together for a few months Janelle…I don’t think either of us are thinking of marriage yet.” John says as he feels Janie beginning to cut his hair. Hearing the little scoff his baby sister lets out, the flick placed to his arm making him huff. Janie making a sound to tell him to keep still, concentrating on just trimming. She wasn’t cutting his curls off, they had spent too much time getting them to look good. She had taught him too much to just lob them all off, and he had spent too much money on curl care products.

“The way you two look at each other is true love. And you can’t tell me I’m wrong, I just won’t listen to it.” Both of the older Egans chuckle at that, smiling a bit at their sister’s antics. Janie brushing the stray hairs away from his collar, tilting his head to work on the sides. Her eyes meeting John’s in the mirror, smiling at him softly. Leaning down to kiss the top of his head, going back to trimming the sides of his hair.

“I do love him, but I don’t think we’re ready for marriage quite yet Jelly Bean.” She huffs and waves her hand at him, making Janie chuckle quietly. Running her fingers through the younger boy’s hair, shaking the curls out. Gauging how much more she’s going to trim off, humming softly as she goes. Something both her and John do, hum to themselves whenever they’re trying to concentrate. It didn’t matter the tune, didn’t matter the song, it was just a constant stream of noise coming from them.

“What do you think of him Janie?” John murmurs once Janelle has wandered off to see what’s been ordered for dinner. The older girl shifts him around to get to the front of his head, trimming up the pieces that cover his forehead. Getting them all to fall into their rightful places, pushing them back and smiling at her brother.

“I think he’s incredibly sweet Johnny, I can see how much you both care for one another. I’m glad he’s been there for you when we couldn’t be. Has ma met him yet?” John lets out a soft breath, shaking his head a bit. Watching as Janie nods softly in understanding, snipping a few more pieces of hair. Changing out her scissors for some texturizing ones, not that the boy needed the volume. She leans down and kisses his forehead, something she hasn’t had to do since he was 10 and she was 15. He had shot up and towered over her, the boy always the one to lean down to give her kisses and hugs.

“I get it, I know mama misses you, but she’s a grown adult, she’s known where you’re at. It’s on her if she hasn’t come to see you…I’m not going to preach about them. You’re home, you’re safe, and I love you.” The black haired girl states as she looks down at him, seeing the little quirk of his lips. She smiles at him, before she’s tilting his head up to look at him better. Hugging around his neck, kissing his forehead and breathing deeply. John’s arms wrapping around her waist, both of them just enjoying this moment. Janie not taking for granted the feel of her little brother in her arms again.

She had been terrified when she got the call from their mom, had rushed down in the middle of the night. She had been one of the first in the room to see him, one of the first to touch him when he was in the coma. She had made the phone calls to people, she was the strong one. She was always the strong one when it came to her younger siblings, she was nick named Mother Hen for a reason. She took care of her babies, whether they were actually her’s or not.

“I love you too Janie.” John murmurs into her shirt, squeezing her tight to himself. Breathing in her soft familiar lotion, the feel of her hands on him comforting. More comforting than even their mother’s hands, she was always there for him. If he ever had an issue he knew he could go to Janie. She never pushed him away, she never judged him, she raised him more than his mother did. And he loved his mom, but nobody would ever take the place of Janie.

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John has been home for exactly a week when he has his first nightmare, he had worked hard that day. PT was grueling, a migraine had taken place behind his eye, and his spine felt brittle. Resigning himself to bed early had been a no brainer for him, texting Gale to let him know. He was passed out before he even got a chance to see if Gale had responded.

John is back in the jeep with Ham behind the wheel, loud music is blasting from the speakers. Curt is in the backseat singing the music loudly, all three of them are laughing. All three of them had partaken in drinking at the frat party they had gone to. John is looking over and suddenly he’s seeing the curve coming into view, and he’s reaching for the wheel. Everything is in slow motion, it’s all happening and there’s no way for him to stop it. Glass is shattering, cutting his cheeks, the sound of it ear piercing. The sound being his own screams, mixed with Curt’s before he’s being propelled from the seat. Belt failing and snapping, going through the windshield and slamming into the ground. White hot burning pain taking over, agony ripping down his body.

John is bolting up, screams flowing from his mouth, his blankets tangling him up. Suffocating him, trapping him in place, and he’s shoving everything away. Trying to get out of bed, trying to get away from the things pinning him down. Knocking into his night stand, before he’s tumbling out of bed, the lamp on his table following him in his descent to the floor. The glass bulb shattering and spewing everywhere, a few pieces knicking his cheek. All while he’s fighting the sheets and still screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Ham! Stop the car! Stop! Please stop!” He’s shrieking, trying to kick his legs but unable to, stuck laying in a sprawl on the wood floor of his bedroom. Upper body on the ground while his lower half is caught in the sheets, causing him to almost dangle. Hot tears are rolling thickly down his cheeks, he doesn’t hear the door opening. Or Curt’s voice trying to soothe him, but he does feel hands touching him. Making him wail louder, pushing and fighting against it, not wanting it to drag him under. Under to the dark place that almost took him all those months ago.

“Bucky! Bucky it’s me! It’s Curt, I’m here. You’re alright, John it’s a nightmare!” Curt is trying to say, receiving a few hits to his chest and arms. Trying hard to not restrain his best friend, but not wanting him to roll right into the broken glass. He isn’t even blinking before he’s grabbing John’s phone, typing in the passcode and hitting the familiar contact. Trying desperately to get John to stop howling, his voice having gone hoarse from the sound. Curt’s trying to get his lower half untangled from the sheets and blankets. Terrified John is going to hurt himself, the twisting and thrashing he’s doing making it worse.

“Hi honey, I thought you were…John?! What’s happening?!” Gale’s sleep filled voice is entering Curt’s ear, his own voice coated with tears. Throat feeling tight as he sits there, he knew exactly what John was feeling. He had nightmares like his for weeks after the accident, screaming himself awake. His Nan had almost had a heart attack the first time, and that was why he had moved himself into her basement.

“Gale, I can’t, John’s having a nightmare. I can’t get him to wake up. I don’t know what to do, please…I’m so sorry.” Curt can hear Gale moving on the other side, getting himself dressed and calling for Marge. Promising he’ll be there soon, the sound of John’s warbles heart breaking in the background. While Curt kneels there as if he’s going to pray, tears beginning to drip down his own face. Trying to make sure John doesn’t roll into the broken glass, trying to talk to him.

“We’re here, let us in. I’m here.” Gale pants almost 15 minutes later, John’s cries having quieted down to high pitched whimpers. Face smooshed into the cold wood of his bedroom floor, shakes racking up his body. Curt not daring to touch him, scared to leave him alone. But getting up and running for the front door, unlocking it and stepping off to the side. Gale and Marge both standing there, in their pajamas, hair sleep mussed. Mirrored worried expressions on their faces before Gale is rushing forward for his boyfriend. Marge takes one look at Curt, stepping inside and closing the door before she’s wrapping him into a hug.

“John…sweetheart, you’re home. It’s me, it’s Gale. I need you to wake up.” The blond says in his calmest voice, stepping in and seeing the mess next to the bed. Treading carefully before he’s kneeling by the bigger boy, brushing his hand over his head. Getting a broken, hoarse sob to come from John’s mouth.

Tears from his eyes having mixed with the blood from the few knicks in his cheeks. Gale’s heart breaking slightly as he looks down at him, hearing footsteps stop outside of the room. John openly bawling into the wooden floor boards, his arms curled under his body as if he’s protecting himself. If he could curl into a ball he would, Curt having finally gotten his legs untangled from the sheets.

“Can you get a broom and dustpan? I’m going to need help getting him up into the bed, I just want him to come back a little more.” The blond says, turning his head to see Marge and Curt standing side by side. Curt’s face dry now, a hug having been had between the pair of them.

Marge nodding softly and going to find the broom, while Curt goes to grab the first aid kit they have. Along with some of John’s meds, knowing he is no doubt going to be hurting. Gale continues murmuring to John, keeping his touch light. Before Curt and Gale are lifting him, Curt’s arms hooking under his armpits, while Gale gets him under the legs. Marge standing by worriedly, ready to help if they need it, pulling and adjusting the blankets and sheets.

“Hi sweetheart.” Gale murmurs when he sees John’s eyes opening slowly, brushing his hair back off of his forehead gently. The broken bulb having been swept away, a new one popped into the lamp. Gale gently cleaning the few cuts on John’s cheeks, the tv in the room playing soft music on YouTube. John blinks a few times, trying to clear his vision to look at his boyfriend better. A soft whimper escaping his mouth; before he’s closing his eyes at the onslaught of tears.

“I know; you’re safe, nothing can happen here. I’ve got you.” The blond promises as he kisses John’s forehead softly, continuing to gently clean the spots. Swiping neosporin across them, before he’s grabbing John’s water and medicine cup. Curt peeking into the room, the blond nodding softly at him. John swallowing his medicine down before he’s opening his eyes up to see Curt.

“Is it alright if I lay in here tonight?” Curt whispers, watching as John nods his head. The three of them laying in the large bed together, Marge having gone home once she knew John was in bed. Gale apologizing but thanking her once again, while she made him promise to text her in the morning. Curt’s body curls around John’s slightly, tucking close just to feel his best friend breathing. Gale laying in a way that John can press against his side, the three of them quiet. John already half asleep, exhausted from everything. While Curt lays there wide eyed, staring straight ahead at the wall.

“He’ll be okay…it just takes time. But he’ll be okay.” Curt says quietly almost like he’s talking to himself, the lights now out, the screen from John’s tv illuminating the space. A nature scene with calming piano music playing, something that always helped Gale calm down. He didn’t think John would want to wake up to a silent room, he never did when he had nightmares.

“Yea, he’ll be okay. He’s got a good support system. I mean, he’s got us.” Gale responds softly, looking at Curt to see him nodding in agreement. His nose tucked into the nape of John’s curls, arm around the taller boy’s waist to keep him close. Gale realizing this is just as much for Curt as it is for John right now. Curt needing to know his best friend is breathing and still alive. Gale lays there with them, quiet as he watches them both sleep now. Letting himself relax with a hand on the back of Curt’s head, all three of them falling asleep piled in John’s bed.

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“You’re comfortable?” Gale asks as he looks at John, both of them in John’s large bed. The mattress holding just enough squish for the taller boy’s broken body to not be as sore. His multitude of pillows stacked on the ground, one of his soft wedge pillows next to him. The red cover on it velvety feeling, he had ordered it on Amazon. Specifically labeled as an ‘assistive device for sexual intercourse’. Smiling a little as he looks at the blond, seeing the way he’s staring back at him. Cornflower blue eyes intense, but tinged with need, both of them were needy.

They had the apartment to themselves, Curt was gone at Ken’s for the entire weekend. They had been talking about this for awhile now, but between John’s schedule and Gale’s, they couldn’t nail down a time. Not for something like this, not for Gale to actually be inside of John. The blond wanted to take his time, wanted John to feel good the entire time. It was going to take maneuvering, pillows, patience, and time.

“I’m comfortable Gale…will you let me suck your cock now? Been thinking about it for ages, you have such a pretty cock. It’s truly a shame it’s not in my mouth every single day.” Bucky states making the younger boy let out a squawk at that, shaking his head a bit and laughing softly. One of his large hands coming up to rest on John’s chest, before he’s looking back down at the other boy. Seeing the dopey little smile forming on his face, before Gale is nodding a bit.

“How far are we going tonight? I’d really like to make you feel good too…maybe get my fingers in you? I’ve been doing some researching and stuff.” Buck trails off slightly as he feels John’s giant hand coming down to squeeze his bare thigh. Both of them were stripped down to their boxers, and Gale could feel how hard he was. Tip leaking against his skin where it was trapped against his hip, no doubt soaking through his underwear. Feeling John’s large thumb brushing across his inner thigh has him shivering, goosebumps forming.

“I’ve never, I’ve never bottomed before. But I want to try with you, just don’t know how much I’ll be able to move for you. Or we could get out the vibrator again, that was fun last time.” Bucky says as he lays there, he wasn’t usually nervous or awkward when it came to sex. He never had to be, he was always confident in what he wanted. He was confident in how to make someone else feel good, but this was different. Him and Gale had done quite a few things, the most memorable being watching Gale ride a dildo.

That one still got him hot under the collar, holding the toy for his boyfriend to ride while also being sucked off. Watching the blond move his hips was tantalizing, hypnotizing almost. The moans that he was letting out around John’s cock were enough to convince the older that bottoming was worth it. The entire experience was definitely in his top five sexual experiences ever to date.

“Was reading that prostate stimulation can help with erectile dysfunction, since it wasn’t your prostate that was affected or injured. Might help you get hard, and if it doesn’t…then you can just enjoy the sensation. But if you don’t feel comfortable with that then we don’t have to do that.” The black haired boy looks up at his boyfriend, John smiling lopsidedly at him before he’s tugging him down for a kiss. He can taste the mint chapstick that Gale uses, pressing his tongue into the other’s mouth briefly. Squeezing at the blond’s thigh again, feeling the wiry hair resting there. Hearing the moan that comes up from Buck’s throat, his hand slowly moves over to cup the other boy through his briefs.

“I still want your cock in my mouth, so if we can make that work then I’m down for anything.” Bucky states once their mouths have separated, Gale letting out a soft breathless laugh. Shaking his head just a little before he’s shifting off of the bed to go to his overnight bag. His cheeks blushing a crimson color as he goes to the bottom of it, pulling out his small travel bag. John’s eyes tracking his movements, shifting in the bed just slightly. Using his arms to slide himself to the middle of the bed better, watching as Gale turns back around.

“Traveling with sex toys now baby?” Bucky taunts watching as Gale’s cheeks burn a deeper shade of red. The blond climbing up onto the bed and crawling his way over, briefs almost tenting from how hard he is. While he climbs over John’s thighs and situates himself down comfortably. Holding up his hands to show off his treasures, the older boy looking down. A bottle of lube, a silicone sleeve, and a small wand vibrator all sitting there.

“What’s the uh, what’s the sleeve for?” He asks nodding at it, feeling his insides curling with a mixture of arousal and nervousness. Gale had more experience with toys than he did, the blond seeming to have a toy for just about anything they could think of. John had dabbled with vibrators before, but mainly on female partners. He hadn’t really used one on himself until he had gotten into bed with Gale that is.

“This, goes in this, and then slides up and sits around you. Figured it might feel nice, I know I like it when I’m bottoming sometimes. I also…wanted to get a mirror so you could watch. That one over there…thought we could pull it over.” John’s eyes trail over to the full length mirror resting against his closet door. Jaw dropping a bit to bring his pupils back over to Gale, seeing the flush on his cheeks. The aroused excitement unable to be contained in his blown eyes, his cock aching in his briefs. John’s large hands coming up to squeeze Gale’s hips, thumbs digging into his hipbones slightly.

“Do you think about it a lot? Fucking me?” John questions, feeling the full body shiver course up Gale’s spine. His head tipping back, showing off the long line of his throat. Hips rocking forward like he can’t help it, pushing himself against John’s lower chest slightly. Bucky can feel himself twitch just a little in his briefs, his hand coming down to grip around Gale’s cock through his underwear.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about it. I love watching your face when you cum…fuck John. I love making you feel good, want you to see how fucking good you look too. Wanna watch your face when I’m inside of you.” The blond rambles as he grinds against John’s palm, moaning as the older rubs his tip through the fabric. Bucky letting out a low groan as he looks up at the blond boy, arousal pooling lowly in his pelvis. Before he’s pushing Gale’s briefs down, tucking them under his pretty pink balls. Giving them a little squeeze, looking down to watch the way precum beads at the blond’s tip.

“Do you wanna fuck my face first? Take the edge off? Look like you’re gonna blow everywhere baby.” John says in a little breathless tease, moving his fist on the younger boy. Squeezing when he gets to the tip, Gale moaning lowly at the offer. Hips chasing the feel of Bucky’s closed fist, hands gripping John’s freckled shoulders tightly. Toys completely forgotten next to them, John groaning softly as he watches the younger boy.

“Take what you need baby…that’s it, fuck look at you. You’re desperate for it aren’t you? Love watching you make a mess of yourself…love tasting you.” John rambles as he squeezes around Gale tighter, bringing his other hand down to grope and tug at Gale’s balls. The blond sobbing quietly at the sensations, hips pushing quicker now. Precum dripping down from him onto John’s briefs, his hips stuttering slightly in their rocks. Blunt nails digging into Bucky’s bare shoulder, before he’s tensing and beginning to spurt across John’s stomach.

“Oh fuck, fuck John, oh god.” He whimpers out, toes curling behind himself so hard he almost pulls a muscle. Shuddering through his release, knocking the bigger man back into the pillows. Just to press close and kiss him, panting still but needing to feel the other’s mouth against his own. Gale pulling away after a minute, resting his sweaty forehead on John’s. Breathing deeply and looking down at him with a sheepish smile on his face.

“So…fucking me really gets you going yea?”

John asks with a little smile, looking up at the blond, seeing the way he blushes a deeper shade of red. His body shifting a bit so he can shove his face into John’s throat. Stomachs and pelvises pressing together, smearing Gale’s cum across both of their skin. The dark smattering of hair under Bucky’s belly button becoming sticky with it.

“Is now a bad time for me to tell you that I’ve never topped anyone before? It’s not gonna ruin the mood is it?” Gale asks once he’s pulled away from John’s collar bone, a dark hickey sitting there now. The older boy gently tilts Gale’s face up, before he’s leaning in and kissing him. Large palm cupping his cheek, brushing his thumb across the constellation of freckles the boy has under his eye.

“No, it doesn’t ruin the mood, it takes some pressure off honestly. We get to share a first together…and that’s, it’s kinda special yea?” John murmurs almost shyly as he looks at his boyfriend, smiling a bit as he sees Gale smiling. The blond feeling fondness welling in his chest at the absolute hopeless romantic his boy is. Both of them leaning in for another kiss, slower this time, with deeper meaning. Before Gale is pulling away, grabbing the wedge pillow and holding it up.

“Can I lay on my stomach? Or will that make it harder for you?” John asks as he looks at the younger boy, lifting his upper body up, watching as the blond holds the wedge pillow. The blond boy gets off of the bed for a second, pulling the mirror over so that they can both turn their heads to look. Stepping back over when he’s pleased with where it’s sitting, picking up the red pillow again.

“I don’t think it’ll make it harder, might make it easier actually. But is it going to hurt you? Wanna try it and make sure it won’t put pressure on your back?” Bucky nods his head, before he’s shifting around, Gale holding the pillow so it sits at John’s lower stomach. The taller shimmying his body, with the blond helping adjust his legs comfortably. The velvet on the pillow rubbing below John’s belly button, his butt and hips propped up. He adjusts his upper body slightly with his arms, while Gale tries not to hover.

“Can you…can you help me move my legs how you need them?” John questions, chewing on his lower lip, suddenly worried he looks absolutely ridiculous. Flicking his eyes back when he doesn’t get a response from his boyfriend, seeing the way Gale’s eyes are sweeping over his body. His cock already half hard again against his hip, before he’s snapping out of his revere.

“I’m gonna touch you now, let me know if it’s uncomfortable.” The blond says before he’s helping move the older’s legs, getting them into a sort of frog position. Reaching up to carefully adjust John’s length, not wanting it to get squished between the cushion and his body weight. Gale leans down and kisses the small of Bucky’s back, hands rubbing and squeezing up his thick thighs. Feeling the curly hair sitting there, dragging his thumbs over muscle and skin. Goosebumps rising on John’s skin, a shiver going up his spine, while he feels his arousal reignite. Resting his upper body on one of his personal pillows, taking the pressure off of his thoracic spine.

“You look so pretty spread out like this for me…so fucking pretty John.” Gale murmurs as he nips at his butt, before he’s sitting up on his knees between John’s legs. His eyes dragging over his back, following the lines of his surgical scars. Pressed into the trench of his spine, freckles, a few moles, and stretch marks covering his skin as well. The blond’s nimble fingers dragging up his sides, squeezing softly when he meets the bottom of his ribcage.

“Fuck baby…feels good.” John sighs as he shifts into the touch, eyes closed as he relaxes even more. Becoming a puddle on the bed, feeling his cock give a little twitch, he liked when Gale gave him massages. The blond always knew where to touch, how hard to push down, he seemed to know John’s body better than he knew it himself. His eyes open when he feels Gale’s lips moving down his spine again, his hands sliding down to grip John’s butt cheeks. Squeezing gently and rubbing his thumbs in, spreading him softly as the blond keeps moving down.

“Jesus Christ.” John whispers as he feels Gale lick across his hole, the muscle fluttering slightly. Turning his head a bit to look at Gale’s body as much as he can in this position. Before he’s turning his head the other way, watching the mirror. Eyes trained on the curve of Gale’s body, his hands keeping John’s cheeks separated. Large hands wrapped around his skin, before Gale is lifting his head up. Humming softly against John’s cheek, nipping at it and turning his head.

He watches as Gale looks up his back before he flattens his tongue, swiping it across his hole again. Before the blond is pressing closer to push his tongue inside of John, the little gasp coming from the older making him smile. Humming against John again as he pushes his tongue in an even motion, letting some spit slip down. Dripping in an even line to Bucky’s balls, one of Gale’s thumbs coming to rub it in. Dragging the spit back up and sliding the pad of his thumb across the older’s entrance again, watching it clench.

“Talk to me?” Gale murmurs as he reaches for the lube, pulling the bottle down while he sits up on his knees. Looking at John again in the mirror, meeting his gaze and smiling a little bit. The older’s cheeks are a dark pink color, eyes wide with a mixture of arousal and shock. Jaw dropped open, with his plush bottom lip spit slick. He watches as John blinks slightly, focusing his eyes to meet Gale’s gaze, breathing deeply before letting loose a whimper.

“Didn’t think I’d like something like that…but fuck it felt good. You always say it does feel good, but I thought you were just bullshitting me, trying to make me feel good. Jesus Gale.” John breathes out the ending as he feels one of Gale’s nimble lube slick fingers circling his hole. Watching the motion in the mirror as much as he can, the blond smiling a bit. The younger leans down and presses a kiss to John’s freckled shoulders. Pressing his middle finger forward, both of them groaning as he sinks inside of the older boy. John’s half hard cock giving a twitch against the pillow, a lazy bead of precum oozing at the tip.

“You’re so tight sweetheart…gonna feel so good wrapped around me.” Gale states before he’s leaning up to kiss the other boy, sucking at his lower lip and moving his finger in an even motion. John’s walls squeezing and tensing every now and then, trying to get used to the sensation. He wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like, he didn’t have anything to compare it to from before the accident. A gasp getting lodged in his throat when the tip of Gale’s finger drags across a sensitive bulge on the inside.

“Found it.” The blond murmurs from where he’s been pressing kisses into John’s shoulders, his cock rubbing against the other’s butt cheek in even little pulses. Precum smearing across John’s pale skin, leaving sticky streaks in its wake. John moans again when he feels the touch to his prostate, a protesting sound coming out of his mouth when he feels Gale pull his finger free. Before there’s two pressing into him, the pressure from the stretch making his nose scrunch. A whining noise leaving him when Gale rubs over his sweet spot again, eyes squeezed shut at the sensation.

“Oh fuck Gale…fuck that feels so good. Don’t stop, please please for the love of Christ don’t stop.” John whimpers as the ball in his pelvis gets tighter, his fingers gripping the pillow under his upper body harder. Muscles bunching together slightly, moaning again as Gale drives his fingers in. The blond smiling softly as he keeps going, even as his cock leaks in steady drips. The sounds John is making has his head spinning, knowing he’s making his boy feel good. It’s a head rush that he wasn’t expecting, feeling the way John’s walls are squeezing tighter.

“I’m, Gale, I’m gonna…oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” John squeaks out suddenly, Gale sitting up slightly to watch. The older’s hole clamping down around his fingers, his cock giving a twitch before he’s dribbling cum down the pillow. A sobbing sound coming from John’s throat, tears welling in his eyes as he lays there. Gale’s fingers stilling inside of him, pulsing gently against his prostate. Dragging out the older’s orgasm for him, before he’s easing off and slipping his fingers out.

“Fuck John…that was, holy fuck.” Gale groans as he wraps a hand around himself, squeezing at the base tightly. Looking up to meet John’s half lidded gaze, a few tears having tracked down his cheeks. John was a crier when he orgasmed, Gale had figured that out quickly, the pleasure was so intense for him that he cried. And as much as Gale wanted to hate it, it definitely made something in his blood sing. John reaches back with a lead heavy arm, trying to grab onto Gale’s hand.

“C’mon…want you inside of me. Please, can see you’re hurting.” Gale leans up slightly to look down at him better, letting out a grunt when John gets his hand wrapped around his cock. Hips jerking forward on instinct with the pleasure, eyes squeezing shut to collect his bearings.

“I don’t want it to be too much for you, you just came. I can use my hand or.”

“Gale Winston…get your cock inside of me. I want you to use that wand thing, I want it all.” John interrupts as he tries to look back at the younger boy, finally getting Gale’s cock slotted between his cheeks. The blond’s hips moving just a little, holding himself up with a hand digging into the pillow John’s upper body is laying on. His knees tucked close to the wedge pillow as he moans lowly, his other hand going down to grab at John’s hip.

“Yea…yea honey, I’ll give you anything you want.” Gale mutters out nodding quickly, having to shift and pull away from him. Cock aching between his legs, dribbling another string of precum. Connecting the tip of his cock to John’s ass for a minute before it breaks. Reaching for the lube again and the vibrating wand, the cock sleeve attached to it already. Squeezing just a bit on his fingers he wraps his hand around John’s soft cock, listening to him hiss softly. Flicking his eyes up to look at him, he sees that John is looking back at the mirror.

“Wish I could see it better…but this is still good. I get to see you.” John murmurs, eyes trained on the way Gale’s body is moving. Pupils tracing over the lines and curves, drawn in on Gale’s butt and thighs. Before he’s moaning at the feeling of the sleeve sliding into place, the blond making sure it’s sitting properly. He meets John’s eyes in the mirror, flicking the little dial on the toy and listening to the moan he lets out. Gale tucks the wand’s handle under John’s thigh, making sure it won’t move at all. While John’s fingers are gripping the pillow tighter under his head as he feels the vibrations into his balls, eyes fluttering shut.

“Do you want me to use a condom? I brought some, just in case.” Gale offers as he sits up on his knees more, squeezing around himself again and moaning lowly. Watching the way John’s eyes flutter open to stare at Gale through the mirror. Shaking his head a bit at the question, swallowing thickly while he lays there. Moaning lowly at the sensation curling up his stomach from the vibrator.

“No, I want to feel you…if you’re alright with that.” Gale leans up to plant a kiss to his cheek, reaching for the lube to coat himself with it. Before he’s shifting his hips enough to lodge his tip against John’s hole, both of them holding their breaths. Gale’s hips push forward slowly, sinking into John in a paced glide. His jaw dropping open at the tight, hot squeeze, while John watches his expression. The pressure making his heart stutter, but Gale’s facial expressions causing pleasure to zing down his pelvis.

“Oh fuck John, you’re so tight.” Gale whimpers out once he’s halfway, worried momentarily that he’s going to blow. Letting out a little wounded sound as John clenches on him involuntarily, his hand going to grip the older’s hip. Balancing himself to look down and watch, thumbing around where John is spread around him. The black haired boy moaning quietly as he watches the muscles flex in the side view of Gale’s body. His glutes shifting, thigh muscle bunching, bicep bulging out a little.

“You look so good Gale…Jesus Christ.” John murmurs, watching the way Gale’s head tips back once he’s bottomed out. One hand desperately grasping at John’s ass cheek, the other gripping the edge of the wedge pillow. His eyes following the movement as Gale moves inside of him, feeling the drag. The vibrations around his cock causing pleasure to roll over his system, a slow rise. Before his upper body is almost shooting off the bed when Gale nails his prostate head on.

“Oh fucking Christ Gale! Jesus fuck!” John sobs out at the intense pleasure zinging through him, Gale huffing a soft breathless laugh. Angling his hips properly now to slam into it, holding on by a thread. Blunt nails digging into John’s waist, groaning long in his throat at the tight heat. Turning his head to meet John’s gaze in the mirror, watching as his eyes flutter for a minute. His jaw dropped down, little puddle of drool slipping from his mouth onto the pillow under his head. White knuckling the fabric as he lets out consistent grunts with each press to his sweet spot.

“I’m gonna cum sweetheart…oh fuck, it feels so good. Are you gonna cum with me?” Gale pants out as he snaps his hips quicker, chasing the pleasure coiling around his groin. The sound of his pelvic bone smacking into John’s ass loud between them both. The wet squelch of the lube making them both whine, one of Gale’s hands coming up to grab at John’s bicep. Finger tips digging in tightly, before he’s slamming home again and reaching his orgasm. A high pitched whine leaving his throat, body shuddering through his high.

“Oh fuck…fuck Gale, it’s oh fuck.” John wheezes as the blond’s blunt tip snugs up against his prostate. The twitches from Gale’s cock pulsing against his insides, making him bury his face in the pillow. The pleasure red hot, almost too much before he’s cumming again. Dribbling down the pillow case under him, sobbing openly into the fabric under his face.

Tears rolling down his cheeks as he spasms under Gale’s body weight. The blond presses shaky kisses to John’s damp with sweat shoulders, both of them panting softly. Gale carefully pulls his hips back, reaching down to turn the wand off. Before he’s collapsing next to John, the boy turning his face to look at Gale again.

“Holy fucking shit Gale.” The younger laughs softly and looks at his boyfriend, admiring the pink flush to his cheeks. Making his freckles more prominent as he lays there, curls floppy on his forehead. Blinking his eyes few times, contacts that he was still getting used to having gone a little dry. Gale shifts his body over to press his mouth against Bucky’s, nuzzling close for a second. Before he’s dropping back onto the bed, needing just a minute before he cleans them both up.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Gale…you and your magic dick.” The blond snorts quietly, shaking his head while he lays there. The little post orgasmic quivers settling in his limp limbs. Breathing coming back down to a controlled level, his eyes watching John now. His chest rising and falling evenly, the little shakes that were racking his system slowing down. A dopey little smile forming on his plush lips, cracking his eyes open to look at Gale again. Their hands intertwining as they lay there, enjoying their little blissful moment together.

————————

“Pizza is here!” Curt calls as he and Ken come into the apartment, smiling when he hears John and Gale talking in the kitchen. They were all having a movie night together, the newest action movie having dropped. John had been begging to see it, but the thought of going to the theater was too much. So a pizza, movie, and soda night was to be had, in the safety of their own home.

“We’ve got the sodas!” John yells back, wheeling into the living room with two two-liters in his lap. Gale walking behind him with plates and cups, both of them dressed down. Curt eyeing them up, a smirk forming on his lips when he sees the hickey peeking out of Gale’s shirt collar. Their hair is mussed, and John’s cheeks are still tinted a light shade of pink.

“Ya fuckin dirty birds, did ya at least both cum?” Curt taunts making Gale squawk, Ken squeaking a bit at his boyfriend’s nonchalance. He never understood how easily Curt could just talk about sex, it was never taboo for him. John chokes on his spit, laughing softly and shaking his head. Pushing his glasses up his nose before he’s glaring playfully at his best friend.

“We did, on your bed, it was super comfortable.” Curt makes a loud sound before he’s going to pull John under his arm, rubbing his knuckles into the taller boy’s hair. Messing up his hair even more while John tries to push him away. Gale trying to remind them to not pull John from his chair while Ken just tries to stay out of the way. The curly headed blond boy turning his head at the knock to the apartment door.

“I’ll get it…ya goddamn hooligans.” He teases while smiling at the pair, stepping around the couch. Heading for the door, undoing the deadbolt, and turning the knob to pull it open. The smile slipping from his face when he sees an unknown man standing on the other side. Two large Manila envelopes in his hands, one labeled ‘Curtis Johnathan Biddick’ and the other ‘John Clarance Egan’.

“Are Curtis Biddick and John Egan here?” The man asks, getting said boy’s to turn their heads, smiles falling from their faces. Curt heading for the door to his boyfriend, while John watches them both. Gale stepping closer to rest his hand between John’s heaving shoulders. Curling his fingers into the older’s shirt, a knot forming in his lower stomach.

“Yea…that’s us. Who are you?”

“You’ve been served, thank you.” The man states handing over the envelopes, turning on his heel to head down the steps leading up to their apartment. Curt watching him go before he’s shutting the door and turning to face the others. All of them silent as they stare wide eyed at the envelopes in Curt’s hands.

#softmamawrites #john bucky egan #gale buck cleven #buck x bucky #clegan #brenny #clegan smut #john egan x gale cleven #benny demarco x john brady #benny demarco #john brady #Curt Biddick #ken lemmons #Marge Spencer #curt x ken #love within these halls #rehab au

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