#i am LIVING today

[juicingbeetles]

He's just a silly little guy how could he be a terrorist he's just a tiny dude

[bacchuschucklefuck]

couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[that-one-weird-cloud0]

Danny: *just chilling on the couch while being very still™️ at the Wayne Manor*

Clark: *comes to visit*

Clark: hey Bruce?

Bruce: yes?

Clark: why is there a dead child in your living room?

Bruce: what 0-0

Danny: oh shit

Danny: *starts up heartbeat* better?

Clark: *even more freaked out*

[xxplastic-cubexx]

you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier

[blueskittlesart]

in honor of the beginning of my final year at art school here are some highlights from my last 3 years here. truly an experience to remember

[obsob]

one small step for. kitties

[buckdiazlafd]

the people i follow have made way better posts about this but just to reiterate: a buddie blood transfusion would eat so bad. either one donating to either one would cause such extreme levels of horny in-love derangement that i don’t even know which scenario is best. Eddie donating to buck? part of eddie inside buck? yayyy literally what buck has always wanted. he’d trace the veins on his wrist and forearm swearing he could feel eddie there. Buck donates to eddie? the Ultimate act of service? buck was so so good for eddie, good enough to save his life! eddie feels lightheaded with it as buck plants kisses up and down the inside of eddies wrist, eddies other hand running thru bucks hair. “you saved me buck” he would whisper reverently and they’d both be soooooo crazy and wonderful about it.

[aceofintuition]

He opened up the drawer and made himself a nest while I was at work one day

[thuesdaynightdykelife]

forever and always, a butch leather dyke

[futuristichedge]

Traditional doodling

[somegrumpynerd]

How did he know…

[lautakwah]

Hey what's up it's Ling your favorite neighborhood nonbinary lesbiasian (or not, maybe you know someone cooler i wouldn't know) and I'm here to be insufferable about it being my birthday month <3

In all seriousness though, I'm currently unemployed (again) and it's hell out there for a uni dropout so if anyone's feeling generous I'd appreciate it a lot!! Also running a sale on my Etsy until the end of the month so if anyone feels like getting anything that'd be nice too :)

ppal | ko-fi

[rebornrosess]

“if there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact they didn’t do it right” andrew i’m trying to escape seasonal depression don’t do this to me rn

[ricksmarlene]

  I missed you so much. Words can't even say it right.                      You don't have to. I know.

[freyadragonlord]

How do I explain how married Han Yoojin and Sung Hyunje are in the post-epilogue Side Stories without sounding like I am exaggerating or making things up...