#i always told myself i'd love to stream

[oreana-galena]

I need to stop telling myself 'I'm not ready' this year. I really do.

[lustspren]

D.A | I Hate Everything About You ft Wonyoung.

9.6k words✦

Wonyoung & Male Reader.

🔙 Previous update | 📄 I Hate Everything About You |

genres: HATE sex, rough sex, bdsm, daddy kink, squirt, overstimulation, really dirty facefuck, creampie, facial, degradation, dirty talk, kinda enemies to lovers ✧ 

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“Are you sure? One hundred percent?” you asked, sitting in your desk chair with the phone to your ear. You had finished a six-hour stream a few minutes ago.

“Of course!” Yujin replied from the other end of the line. “I already made sure the staff got you a room at our hotel. You have no excuse!”

You sighed, rolling your chair back and turning it to face the wall. Helios was sleeping on top of the bookshelf where you had all your action figures, next to a Blood Raven Space Marine.

“Yujin-ah, I’m serious, I don’t want to have any problems when I arrive,” you said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to pay for a room myself?”

The reason for the argument was that she, Liz, and Rei had invited you to see their performance at the Golden Wave in Tokyo. The idea had of course been born from Yujin, and her insistence left you no choice but to accept. But it still wasn’t that easy; you had to sort out some logistics first, as always.

“No! Don’t even think about it, Ezio!” Yujin said, in a tone you knew was best not to refute. “Just trust me. Has a tragedy ever happened because of that?”

“A year ago you made Rei and I believe that your manager wouldn’t find out you were spending the night with me after the concert, guess who got told off the next day?”

“But that wasn’t my fault!” she protested. “I had no way of knowing!”

“But it happened. I just answered your question.”

Yujin snorted, and you smiled. Getting on her nerves was pretty easy and fun.

“Are you going to accept my offer or not?”

“I have no choice, I guess,” you sighed, and turned back to your computer to push your chair forward. “I’ll buy the ticket right now.”

You heard Yujin exhale in relief as you searched for the airline’s website.

"The hotel is the Hyatt Regency. I think we'll get there around 2pm."

"Okay," you replied, scheduling the flight. "But I'll go the day before."

"Why?"

You sighed.

"I'd say it's for shopping, but I spent way too much on my two trips to Italy in the past two months. I need to get back on my feet."

"You went again?" Yujin asked. "I thought you already went to Rome in October with the NewJeans girls."

"I mean, that was a one-night binge," you finally bought the ticket and stood up, walking out of your office. "This, on the other hand, was a mini vacation."

"Mini vacation? Where, with who?" she asked again, as you headed straight to the kitchen to grab a drink and some leftover poke you had left in the fridge.

"Woah," you chuckled, going to sit at the dining table. "You sounded just like Nana. Scary."

"Hey! I have a right to know!"

"Yeah yeah, I'll tell you when I see you, it's a long story."

"Yeah, you better."

"Hey, I gotta go," you said, opening a can of Pepsi. "I'm going to eat and then I have a work meeting."

"Okay! See you in a few days then?"

"If nothing weird happens, yeah."

"Alright! Bye oppa!"

"Bye Yujinie."

Yujin hung up, and as you ate your poke you checked your text messages. You had from Sohyun, from Hanni, and of course, from Nana.

Nana was honestly amazing. She could just ask that from the first text, but no, she loved it and begged for your attention. Incredibly, it was like that from the first day you met her, when she did that challenge with Sullyoon at the Music Core and she cast a spell on you that three months later you still couldn't shake.

You didn't even bother to answer her at that moment. You rushed to finish eating, fed the cats as well, and ran to take a shower to attend your meeting with Sony.

In the end, that trip to Tokyo turned out to be extremely productive. Sony executives had made it clear that a face-to-face meeting would be extremely necessary to discuss all the details about your collaboration, and by putting your trip to Japan on the table, it was easy to arrange a time and place.

Unfortunately, that meant you had to make a flight change in order to get to Japan as soon as possible, and from around 8 in the morning you were already in Tokyo on your way to the meeting. That was basically the whole day for you, since obviously, releasing a custom line of speakers was something that took quite a bit of work.

At around 8pm, after the meeting, lunch and a short walk, you arrived at the Hyatt Regency. But you found something strange. The lobby was strangely populated, and once you paid a little attention to your surroundings you could see dozens of people with cameras whose flashes went on every second.

As you tried to figure out why there were so many photographers, a hotel employee approached you with a friendly smile.

"Good evening, sir," the woman said, with a pretty thick accent. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Uh... yes," you nodded absentmindedly, trying to look over the heads, but it was no use. "Yes, ma'am." you finally looked at her.

"Follow me, please." she nodded and started walking.

You followed the woman to the reception. The check-in process was quite smooth; about five minutes later the hotel staff had already provided you with both your room card and instructions on all the benefits that came with the reservation and how to claim them.

With nothing else to do down there, you decided to go straight up to your room, as you were exhausted and urgently needed to lie down for a couple of hours. The crowd was still milling around where the event was being held, and curious you finally approached outside the security line as it was on your way.

You wished you hadn't seen what you saw over the heads of the photographers, because it immediately put you in a bad mood.

Jang Wonyoung, now an ambassador for Tommy Jeans, posed for the cameras as seemingly innocent as ever, with that face carved by the archangel Gabriel and that beautiful, slim body. She was probably one of the most gorgeous people you had ever seen, without a doubt.

And you really, really disliked her.

You couldn't stand her since before you personally met the IVE girls over a year ago, but from then on, you only confirmed that she was exactly the kind of person you could never be friends with. She was a pick me girl, self-centered, pretentious, and haughty. Four things you hated all in one person.

Of course, she couldn't stand you either. Every time you had interacted had resulted in tensions, many of which ended in an argument, and for some time now you had chosen to simply stay away from each other to avoid awkward situations with people who had nothing to do with you.

And there she was again, in a hilarious twist of fate. It seemed scripted just to make you look stupid.

But as always, you were just going to ignore her and go about your business. Nothing was going to happen as long as you two stayed away from each other. So you took a few steps back, turned around, and took the stairs to the first floor, then took the elevator to your room.

The first thing you did when you got there wasn't even unpacking, it was going straight to take a shower and then lay down on the bed to check your phone.

You ended up getting a little too wrapped up in watching TikTok and Twitter, because you didn't realize when two hours had passed, only when your eyes started to feel heavy and your body was already asking for some rest. And that was exactly what you were about to do.

Until you heard the room door open.

Instantly alarmed, you looked over your shoulder, ready to throw punches on whoever had forced the lock to get in.

But out of all your possible scenarios, none of them mentally prepared you for seeing Wonyoung walk out of the hallway and stop dead in her tracks. You immediately sat up, your brow furrowed in a combination of anger and confusion.

“Ahhh!” she screamed in fright, dropping her suitcase and handbag to the floor. Recognizing you, her eyes went from fear to anger. “What the fuck are you doing here?!” she asked, in perfect English with no trace of an accent.

Great, just what you fucking needed.

“I ask the same damn question,” you said incredulously, staring at her. “It’s my room.”

“No, it’s not!” she protested, and stepped forward to show you her key card.

“Look on the fucking nightstand and tell me what you see, please,” you retorted, pointing at it.

Wonyoung frowned and walked over to look at your key card. She then clenched her fists and stomped her foot.

“Oh my god!” she shrieked in frustration. “This has to be a fucking joke!”

She then turned her back on you and stormed off down the hall. You knew where she was headed, so you immediately followed her. You both headed straight to the lobby to demand an explanation.

“I’m sorry, but that’s how the reservation was made,” the receptionist told you, embarrassed by the unfortunate situation. “There’s nothing that can be done to change it.”

“At least I can pay for another room, right?” you asked, hopefully.

The woman smiled sheepishly and folded her hands across the desk, indicating to you that nothing good was about to come out of her mouth.

“I’m afraid all rooms are taken for the night, sir,” she said. “We only have the Atrium suite available.”

And with that, any hope was crushed. On another occasion you would have paid whatever, but right now you couldn't afford it.

Wonyoung, seized by rage, slammed her hand on the desk and went back the way you had come.

You looked at the receptionist, embarrassed by Wonyoung's bratty attitude.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," you sighed. "She's like that. Thank you very much, too."

"It's nothing, sir," she shook her head. "Sorry again for all this."

And with that, you set out to follow Wonyoung straight to the room, where you entered and slammed the door shut behind you. She immediately turned around and glared at you.

"Tonight was special for me!" she yelled at you. "Why the fuck did you have to show up and ruin everything?! Ugh!"

The moment she said that, you felt rage wash over your body like an uncontrollable tide of bubbling lava.

"Huh? Now it's my damn fault?!" you said, not yelling but with a louder tone than usual. "How the fuck was I supposed to know you were going to be here today?"

"You did it on purpose, you idiot! Surely Yujin told you!" she pointed at you, taking a step forward. "Why else would you be here today?!"

"For fucking work, woman," you replied, also taking a step towards her. "Why the fuck do you think I care enough about you to come here a day early?!"

"Because you hate me, Ezio, that's why!" she took another step towards you and gave you a nudge with her knuckles on your shoulder.

"So what?! You hate me too, you pretentious bitch!"

"I hate you because you hate me, you moron!" another step, now she was less than two feet away from you. "And I hate you because you always go around thinking you're better than everyone else!"

You couldn't help but let out an incredulous laugh.

"The donkey talking about damn ears!" you yelled.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!"

"That you're the first one to think you're better than everyone! Oh my god!" you growled, frustrated at her cynicism.

"Because I am actually prettier than everyone, asshole!"

Without realizing it, the two of you were now face to face, but you were so furious that you didn't think to step back.

"See? That's your fucking problem and you don't even realize it!"

"So you hate me for being pretty?" she said with a laugh, raising both eyebrows. "Are you fucking retarded or what?!"

"Huh?" you grimaced. "I hate you because you're a fucking pick me bitch and you do nothing but draw all the attention to yourself on purpose!"

"So fucking what?!" she yelled again, so close to your face that you could feel her breathing. "Are you going to cry about it?!"

She continued yelling at you, between insults and rhetorical questions that you didn't hear. For some reason, you took advantage of that moment to scrutinize every detail of her pretty doll-like face, from those bright, round eyes, to her small nose, to her little moles, and finally, those pretty, full lips, which, in an impulse that came from the depths of your heart and you didn't quite know why, you kissed.

Wonyoung accepted your lips with a slight start, but immediately resisted by hitting your chest several times until you moved away with your hands on her waist.

"Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" She pushed you away and then gave you a stinging slap. "If you think you can kiss me first, you're so damn wrong!" She grabbed your face with both hands. "Because as a princess, that honor belongs to me!"

And then, in a move you definitely didn't expect, she kissed you.

There was something that felt strangely liberating about that kiss. It didn't feel weird like you thought it would, and the best way you could describe it was like accidentally getting something you didn't know you needed. That satisfaction was directly reflected in how your lips danced fiercely against each other, your heads constantly tilting from side to side.

You couldn't believe you were kissing Jang Wonyoung, possibly the only idol that you automatically got upset about when you saw her. For some reason you were enjoying it, maybe too much, and you couldn't blame yourself for it, she was a whole fucking beauty of a girl after all.

"I've always wanted you, you fucking idiot," she muttered mid-kiss, both hands tightly gripping the hair on the back of your neck. "You're exactly my fucking type. Ashole, fucking ashole."

That only made the anger in you come out again. But it made a revelation come to your mind, so clear that it made you feel stupid for not having had it before.

"I've wanted you too, from the first fucking day," you muttered back, your hands gripping her small waist. "Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch?"

"And you're a bitter fucker," she muttered, lowering a hand to your cock to squeeze it angrily over your sweatpants. "A bitter fucker who makes my pussy drip and doesn't notice."

"That's all your damn fault, woman," you replied, pulling away from her lips to kiss the side of her face and then the right side of her neck. You heard her moan. "Your attitude is a fucking turn off for me."

As you peppered that side of her neck with wet kisses and your hands tightened on her ass, she continued to knead your cock until it was hard.

"Are you so retarded that you couldn't spot the damn signs?" she asked between gasps, shoving her hands under your sweater and then pulling it off. "Fuck, you're even stupider than I thought."

"And what were the signs, huh?" You bit her neck, teeth marking the skin. You also slid your hands under her white sweater and pulled it off in an instant. "Looking at me like I'm a piece of shit? Trying to trample me every time I talk?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Ezio," she gasped, and grabbed onto your hair again as you peppered her collarbone and the center of your chest with kisses. "God, I'm fucking sick and tired of you. I need you to use me like your fucking sex doll."

Wonyoung grabbed you by the waist, turned you around, and pushed you down so you were sitting on the bottom edge of the bed. She then took off her bra, revealing a pair of modest but bigger than you imagined tits, and then she got rid of her denim skirt, which fell to the floor to reveal her white panties.

"It's not enough for you to be a pick me bitch, but now you're a fucking slut too?" you asked, looking at her slim, tight body, as she kicked off her boots.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole," she muttered through gritted teeth, and straddled your lap with her hands on your shoulders to crash her lips against yours again.

She began to grind her hips back and forth, with intense, deep movements. You brought your hands to her small waist and then to her small ass, which you squeezed with your fingers before giving her a hard spank that reverberated throughout the room.

Wonyoung moaned and sank her teeth into your bottom lip.

"Mmm fuck yeah daddy," she growled, looking into your eyes. "Again."

You gave her another equally hard spank on the other cheek. She moaned again, grabbed your hair and pulled your head back to dive into your neck with kisses.

"Mmm, you're so fucking sexy, fuck," she gasped, and bit your neck. "Will you do the same fucking me against the wall?"

"I will when you suck my fucking cock, bitch," you replied, giving her another smack that made her moan between kisses.

"Oh yeah?" She lifted her head to look you straight in the eyes. "Then make me, fucker."

You pushed her off you and stood up, grabbing her hair in a rough grip and pulling her off the bed. Wonyoung bit her lip and moaned, falling to her knees in front of you. If that was a challenge, you were more than happy to take it.

"Open your fucking mouth," you said as you quickly pulled down your sweatpants and boxers, releasing your hard cock onto her face.

Wonyoung instantly complied and opened her mouth, tongue sticking out. You then grabbed your cock and buried it inside her mouth. She caught you between her lips, and you grabbed her hair again to move her head along every inch of your shaft, fast and hard.

She let you guide her however you wanted, just being a good girl and sucking every inch of the piece of meat that went in and out of her mouth with those cute, full lips. Thanks to this, the blowjob got sloppy within seconds, as you made her pump her head at a frantic pace.

"Yeah bitch, now choke on that cock," you said, and grabbed another handful of her hair with your free hand to push her head all the way down your shaft.

Wonyoung took the tip of your cock into her throat with gags that made saliva spill out of her mouth. You could tell she was struggling, but from the way she looked at you with dilated pupils and slightly arched eyebrows, you could also tell it made her extra horny.

You let her breathe a couple seconds later. She moaned and bit her lip, jerking you off with tightly clenched fingers.

"Oh god, fuck my face and don't hold back daddy," she told you, her lips spit stained and her eyes glassy. "Or are you a fucking pathetic weakling?"

Your only response to that was to give in to your impulses and give her a slap, exactly like the one she had given you a few minutes ago. She gasped in surprise, but turned her face again almost immediately to open her mouth and stick out her tongue.

"So you like that huh?" you asked, giving her another hard slap on the same side of the face, to which she responded with a moan. "You gonna let me use you as a cum dump, bitch?"

"Any hole you want as long as you do it dirty and not like a fucking pussy," she said, and hit your cock against her tongue.

"Oh don't worry, you can count on that," you replied, and then you grabbed your cock and took it inside Wony's mouth, all the way to the bottom.

This time, it was up to you to control the situation. You started to move your hips hard, fast, with too much pent-up rage being released. Wonyoung stayed still for the first few seconds, hands on her thighs and tongue out as your cock hit her throat over and over again. But as the saliva built up in her mouth and she had a harder time keeping up with that pace, she brought her hands up over your knees to dig her nails into your skin.

"You like it this dirty? Huh?" you growled, watching as you turned that gorgeous doll face of hers into a complete mess, clutching two handfuls of her hair like handles. "Put that fucking throat to work, slut."

You kept thrusting again and again, until you let go of both handfuls of her hair to bring one hand to her neck and the other to the top of her head, and with that push her back so that her neck was bent against the edge of the bed. Then you raised one foot to the matress, pressed her into it and fucked her throat up and down.

Now, Wony was not only gagged, but she was also coughing and choking on her own saliva. You were pushing her beyond her limits, you knew that, but you certainly didn't care and neither did she. Her eyes were still on you, tears spilling out of them; her hands, now clinging to your thighs with trembling fingers and nails well dug into your skin.

After a few seconds you felt close to your climax, so you quickly pulled out Wony's mouth and gave her another slap on the other side of the face.

"Now finish me, bitch," you hissed.

Wony moaned and pushed herself off the mattress to grab your cock soaked in her own saliva, press the tip against her tongue and jerk you off at a speed surprising for such a thin wrist. Just an instant later you exploded with moans, shooting jet after jet of cum onto her tongue.

"Oh fuck yeah," you growled with a hand on her head. 

She caught you between her lips and pumped her head along your shaft, letting you unload inside her mouth and at the same time slurping all the saliva off your cock. When you had left your entire load inside her and your cock stopped throbbing, she pulled you out and stuck her tongue out. Nothing on it.

"See daddy? I'm a good slut," she moaned, and slapped the back of your shaft against her tongue. Her face was still a mess, her cheeks streaked with tears and both her lips and chin stained with saliva. “Don’t I deserve a reward?”

You grabbed her hair, pulled it back, and moved within inches of her face.

“I’ll decide when you deserve a fucking reward,” you said, and spat out a good amount of saliva that you had accumulated on her face. “Do you understand that?”

“God, just fuck me and destroy my pussy, Ezio,” she whimpered, reaching a hand inside her panties to touch herself. “I’ve been waiting for over a fucking year.”

“Too bad for you,” your lips curved into a small, wicked smile before giving her a small kiss. “The wait would have been shorter if you hadn’t been such a fucking despicable bitch this whole time.”

“Ugh you’re such a fucking bastard!” she squealed, and you pulled her up to her feet.

"A fucking bastard who's got your pussy dripping wet," you said, replacing her hand with yours inside her panties. She wrapped her arms around your neck and clung to you.

"And also a fucking cute bastard who I'd kiss all night if I didn't want to punch him in the face," she managed to say between moans, while you kissed the left side of her neck and rubbed your fingers up and down her slit.

"Then do it, bitch," you growled, and raised your face to look into her eyes. "You don't have the fucking nerve."

Wony untangled one of her arms from around your neck and slapped you, which met the standard of intensity you'd been carrying so far.

"And ruin that gorgeous face of yours?" She bit your bottom lip, and then slapped you again, harder. "I would never dare. But seeing it marked in red by my hand is sexy."

With a growl of frustration at how stupidly insane she was, you wrapped your free arm around her waist, joined your lips with hers, and walked with her to the opposite side of the room, where there was a built-in worktop with a wooden desk; you sat her on it and spread her legs wide.

"I'm sorry, but your fucking panties bother me," you said against her lips, and in a small display of savagery, you ripped them from her crotch and let the shreds fall to the floor. Then your hand returned to her slit. "Hmm, what should I do with this nice wet pussy?"

"Eat it? Fuck it and fill it?" she asked, and kissed your chin as you rubbed her clit in circles. "I don't fucking know, god, at this point do whatever you want with me daddy."

"That's an excellent answer," you smiled, and slowly brought two fingers inside her. Wony held onto your shoulders and stifled a moan against her pursed lips. "Is the despicable bitch in you wearing off?"

"Fuck you, motherfucker," she hissed, and leaned forward to bite your jaw as your fingers sank completely inside her pussy. "You're lucky you drive me crazy."

"Oh yeah?" you murmured, pumping your wrist in a steady, hard rhythm.

Wony took a moment to lean her head against the TV behind her and arch her back, melting under the steady, increasingly faster pumping of your fingers, which made her pussy fill the room with wet sounds. A few seconds later she was able to open her eyes and look at you between adorable moans.

"Yes daddy," she nodded between moans. "You drive me fucking insane, and I fucking hate you because you're not mine."

You snaked an arm behind her lower waist and held her close, now fingering her as fast as you could. She gripped the sides of your neck with her hands, and held your gaze as she gave in to the pleasure.

"I thought it was because I think I'm better than everyone," you said, raising an eyebrow.

Wony rolled her eyes back and bit her lip. From the way her fingers tightened on your neck you could tell you were taking her downhill.

"Yeah, and that's so fucking hot," she gasped, her face becoming more twisted and flushed. "But I also hate other fucking bitches touching you, mmmgh!" She arched her back, pressing her sexy abdomen against your newly hard cock. "If I could lock you in my fucking room to have you all to myself I would do it without a fucking doubt!"

Those were her last words before she hugged your neck and came around your fingers. Her face as she writhed in ecstasy and moaned like a princess was like watching Turandot in the front row; a mesmerizing work of art that was burned into your memory from the first moment. A fucking beauty, like very few you had ever seen in your life.

For which you still felt an incalculable amount of rage.

"You're not ready yet, bitch," you hissed, fingering her just as fast through her orgasm and making her squirm desperately. "Cum again damn it."

"Ugh just fuck me you fucking piece of shit!" she whimpered, and she slammed a closed fist into your chest as her hips shook. "Fuck fuck fuck!!"

Despite her complaints, your commands sank into her body and made her react against her will. It wasn't even ten seconds after her orgasm passed until another followed, making her shake and you double-duty to keep her from knocking the TV over. With another girl that would have been enough, but you weren't sated yet.

"Please Ezio, please!" she whimpered with tear-filled eyes, and she put a hand on your head to hold onto your hair as you continued to move your wrist as if nothing had happened. "You can do the same with your cock inside me! Please!"

"I don't care," you growled, beads of sweat falling down both sides of your temple. "Shut the fuck up and cum. Cum, bitch, cum!"

"Mmmgh!! Fuuuuckk!" she screamed, pulling your hair and hitting you several times in the chest before cumming again, and now with an added surprise.

You finally pulled your fingers out of Wony's pussy when she squirted and made a complete mess, wetting part of your arm and the floor beneath your feet. The way she writhed was absurdly sexy, and you took a step back just to admire her in detail, noticing how her legs couldn't stop shaking and her mouth remained half-open, paralyzed.

"Now you deserve a reward," you said between gasps of exhaustion, your wrist feeling like it was going to melt, and you walked over to her again to wrap your arms around her waist and pull her down from the counter.

"You're a fucking insufferable son of a bitch," Wony said, and gave you another punch to the chest as you carried her up with one arm to the back of the room, where there was a single chair, a small circular table, and a double couch that you sat on.

“And?” You raised an eyebrow, and pulled her by the hand so she straddled you. Wony cupped your face in her hands, and now her touch felt so delicate that it sent shivers down your spine.

“And I won’t let you out of this room until you’ve made me cum at least four more times,” she said before kissing you again.

Wony wrapped her arms around your neck, and you wrapped yours around her small waist. You ran your hands over every corner of her back, and then down to her surprisingly round and firm ass to grope it. The back of your cock was pressed between her folds, and at the feel of it, Wony ground her hips slowly to rub your crotches together.

You pulled away from her lips to move down and kiss her collarbone, now letting yourself drift towards her small, pretty tits to suck, lick, and eat them in every way possible. Wony moaned into your ear, the lobe of which she bit on before she made you look at her.

“I’d love to ride you, daddy,” she made a cute pout. “But you’ve already exhausted me for that.”

“Can you at least stand up?” you said, both hands on her thighs.

“I think so.” she nodded. “For now.”

Perfect. Because you had something in mind since you saw her naked in the first place.

You stood up from the couch with her in your arms and carried her to the left, towards where the window was. You pulled the curtains wide open, revealing the bright nightscape of Tokyo. Wony was smart enough to lower herself, turn around and rest her hands on the glass, her pretty face now illuminated by the lights of the buildings as she bent over for you.

“You’re a good fucking girl huh?” you said behind her, hands on her waist before spanking her. Wony squealed and looked at you over her shoulder.

“I’m a good fucking girl for daddy,” she nodded. “Do I deserve my reward already?”

You gave her another smack on the other cheek, both now with bright red marks on the skin.

“Shut up, you impatient whore,” you said, and pulled her by the neck towards you, speaking in her ear. “I’ll make you perform in a wheelchair tomorrow.”

Her lips curved into a mischievous smile.

“You’d do me a big favor,” she said, and licked you from your chin to the tip of your nose.

Unwilling to continue playing with her for the sake of both of you, you spit on your cock, picked it up, and brought it between her ass cheeks. Wony held your gaze, and you watched her face twist closely as you slowly sank into her suffocatingly tight pussy.

“Oh god, keep going,” she moaned with her eyes on you as half of your shaft was inside her. “Put it all inside me daddy.”

The words got stuck in your throat as you pushed forward and every inch of your cock was inside what was possibly the tightest pussy you were ever going to experience in your whole life. You tried to say something, but all you ended up doing was kissing her and stifling a satisfied moan against her lips.

Wony, clinging to your forearm and your hand on her neck, let you take control of the kiss and use your tongue as much as you wanted as you began to move back and forth. You made sure every inch of throbbing flesh went in and out of her slim body, and she was forced to part from your lips to try and take in everything she was feeling at that moment.

“You’re bulging my fucking belly oh my god,” she moaned, giving you little kisses on the side of your face.

You placed the hand you had on her waist on her lower abdomen to check, and sure enough, you could feel your tip bulge against her skin every time you pumped forward. That wasn't something new for you, but doing it to her gave you an extra boost of horniness, and if before you were determined to leave her crippled for a whole day, now it was your damn life mission.

"Come on slut, let all of Tokyo watch you being fucking railed," you panted in her ear, and put a hand on the back of her neck to press her face against the glass.

Wony rested her hands on the glass and looked at you out of the corner of her eye, face pressed against the window. You brought one hand to the back of her head and grabbed a good handful of shiny brown hair, while the other hand was left on her waist. Now you fucked her hard, fast, letting the rage in you flow just like when you fucked her throat.

"Does my cock satisfy you enough?" you asked between gasps, watching as it disappeared between her ass cheeks with each thrust. "Or are you going to complain about it like the fucking spoiled brat you are?"

"Why?" she asked, and managed a cocky smile despite being absolutely railed. "Are you gonna cry to that little whore Hanni Pham if I hurt your feelings?"

Oh hell nah. That was hitting a very, very soft spot for you, and she knew it. Hats off to her. It was an easy way to piss you off, and since you were completely done avoiding giving her what she wanted at this point, you gave her the victory and started to unload spanks, one after another, with your palm wide open and as hard as you could.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! Yes!" Wony moaned with each spank, staring at you. "Harder, motherfucker, harder!!"

You didn't know if you could do it 'harder' than you were already doing, but you still made a little extra effort. By the time your arm tired, Wony's buttocks looked like two freshly picked cherries and her legs were wobbly in an attempt to stay upright.

"Like that?! Huh?!" you hissed, and grabbed her hair into a ponytail to pull her towards you.

"Yes!! Just like fucking that daddy, fuck!" she replied between unbridled whimpers, with nowhere else to look but the city. "Oh my god I'm going to cum, keep going, keep going!!"

Not even a minute passed when her words came true. Wony came in a tide of attacking spasms that threatened to make her fall to the floor if it weren't for the fact that you held her tightly and she pushed her hips back, preventing you from moving until her orgasm passed.

But almost instantly after she relaxed her body, you regained control and put a hand on the back of her head to push her against the glass with a downright dangerous blow. She only moaned in a mix of pleasure and pain, her mouth half open and her brow furrowed as you fucked her like an animal again.

"Fill me daddy, please!" She pleaded, miraculously still standing even though her pretty long legs looked like they were about to fall apart. “I can’t feel my damn legs anymore!”

“Oh yeah? I’m fucking glad.”

You pulled her hair again, this time to wrap your arms around her body and hold her against you, one hand tightening on her neck and the other on her pussy to rub in quick circles. Wony squealed and dropped her head to rest on your left shoulder, exposing her neck for you to kiss, suck and bite until she came again.

“For the love of fucking god fill my pussy already!!” she screamed in the middle of her climax, voice raspy from the grip of your fingers on her throat. “Please daddy!”

You didn’t wait for her second orgasm to pass before you turned around with her and walked her to the bed, where you threw her down with a rough push. Wony fell face down, and you quickly positioned yourself above her with your knees on either side of her hips. You brought your cock inside her again, and dropped forward to rest your forearms on either side of her head.

Wony quickly sought out your lips, and you accepted them as you pumped your hips up and down. You then wrapped one of your arms around her neck, and swirled your tongues together with moans from both sides.

When you felt your climax approaching, you let go of her neck and lifted your body, grabbing a handful of Wony's hair and pushing her head against the mattress, causing her hair to cover part of her sweaty face. The other hand went to the back of her neck, where you gripped your fingers before fiercely fucking her pussy against the mattress.

"Cum daddy..." she managed to say between pretty whimpers and the little breath you left her with each thrust. "I told you I'd be your cum dump, well fucking use me."

Coming from her, you didn't expect those words to sink into your bones as much as they did at that very moment, greatly accelerating your climax and making your body work on its own. It was such a magnitude of the damn spell, that you didn't even realize you'd cum until Wony began to moan in satisfaction.

"Oh fuck yes!" she growled, and bit the sheets beneath her as you filled her tight little pussy with deep thrusts. "It feels so warm, god. Are you sure you don't want to be mine alone?"

Still panting and not fully taking in how good it felt to cum inside her, you raised an eyebrow at that last bit.

"Why, are you going to drug me with chloroform and kidnap me if I refuse?" you asked, and removed your hand from her head and neck to let yourself fall forward and pepper her jaw with kisses.

"It won't be necessary," Wony replied, and turned her face to kiss you in a way so cute it seemed unlike her. "Because I highly doubt you'll refuse anytime soon."

Once you dumped all of your load inside her, you pulled out and laid on your side next to her.

"If you stop being a spoiled bitch, maybe," you said, pulling her on top of you to wrap your arms around her body and kiss her. You felt your own cum drip down to your thigh from her pussy.

Wony cupped your face in her pretty hands and gently ran one through your hair before pulling away from your lips.

"That's like asking me to stop breathing," she said with an innocent smirk, and she pushed herself off you to turn around and bend over your thigh, sticking her tongue out and licking up the little pool of cum that had spilled from inside of her.

After cleaning up the little mess she'd made on your leg, the only thing left to do was your cock, which she grabbed by the base and took straight into her mouth. You were still a little sensitive, but of course she didn't give a damn about this, she slurped up every inch of flesh without caring how you felt. Within seconds, however, you could appreciate how amazing she was at giving head, and how good her plump lips felt running up and down your shaft.

Her pretty ass, full of bright red marks on each butt cheek, was to the side of your face; you groped it, with gentle squeezes and caresses so as not to make the marks of your hands on her skin sting. You were taking care of her indirectly, and when you realized it, you quickly gave her a spank to make up for it. Wony moaned as she pumped her head and turned to look at you.

“Mmm, you still have some for me right?” she asked after pulling you out of her mouth, and placed wet kisses around your tip. “Yujin told me you can cum up to four times before you get tired.”

“I definitely have more for you,” you replied. “But that bitch lied to you.”

Not really. But that night had been special since Yujin looked absurdly hot in that tight black leather outfit.

“Three then?”

“Three,” you nodded. “And I know exactly what to do with the third bullet so get up here.”

“I told you I can barely feel my legs, Ezio, are you fucking deaf or what?” she raised an eyebrow as she straddled your abdomen.

"You won't have to use them, dumbass, and turn around," you motioned with your finger.

Wony frowned in confusion and complied with the order. You noticed that she genuinely had trouble lifting her legs, so you had to give her a small hand. When she was finally sitting with her back to you, you pulled her hair so that she was lying with her back pressed to your chest, and you grabbed her legs behind her knees to lift them up and pull them towards you in a full nelson position.

"Put it inside you, slut," you said, as you had your arms busy holding her legs.

She reached between her legs and grabbed your cock to take it inside her pussy herself. Wony delighted you again with a cute moan, as you held her head, planted your feet on the mattress and began to move your hips up and down, quickly picking up the pace until you were eventually drilling her pussy.

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!!” Wony screamed, so loud it seemed like she would tear her throat out. “Motherfucker you’re destroying my cervix oh my god!!”

Along with her moans, the room echoed with the deafening sound of her body being nearly torn in half by your animalistic and careless thrusts. In the end, your promise about making her perform on a wheelchair was going to come true. Pretty reckless on your part honestly. In fact, you were afraid of what might happen to you if her manager found out the real reason for her inability to dance.

But there were hundreds of possible excuses. Besides, it was common for some idols to perform sitting on a chair when they had physical problems, right? Wony was pretty enough to attract attention anyway; she didn’t have too much to worry about, and certainly neither did you. That was why you were going all in, no holds barred when it came to giving her a fuck she would remember for the rest of her life.

"Yes daddy fuck yes!!" Wony moaned with her head hanging back, clinging to your forearms and with her hair—which by the way had a delicious vanilla and jasmine scent—covering your face. "It feels so goooood!!!

After that scream to the ceiling Wony came again on your cock, and you felt the muscles in her thighs contract and tremble under your fingers. You let go of her legs and wrapped your arms around her torso. She was again lying against your chest, and you kissed her neck as she moaned in your ear.

"Don't you dare stop you fucking asshole," she managed to gasp in your ear, even though her legs were still shaking. "If you don't make me cum at least two more times I'll have to tell your slut girlfriend that you're such a lame fuck."

And there she went again, like the fucking despicable bitch she was, mentioning the most important person in your life right now to add fuel to the fire. Luckily for her, you were quite susceptible to provocation at the moment, so you immediately pulled out of her, pushed her off you, and got on top of her. Wony was still obviously unable to move her legs on her own, so you grabbed them again, spread them wide, and pushed them back before thrusting back into her. You then leaned forward to look into her eyes, holding her legs with your torso.

"Keep my girl's name out of your fucking mouth, bitch," you hissed, and began fucking her again.

"Or-what?" Wony asked, panting, jerking back and forth from your thrusts. "I can say whatever the f..."

You cut her off with a slap.

"What was that?" You asked, thrusting fast and deep. “I didn’t hear you, bitch.”

“I said… Mmmgh!” another slap on the same side of her face from you. “Fuck!”

As you watched her cheekbone redden, you brought your hand to her long neck and tightened your fingers there. Wony tried to say something else, but the sound came out barely in a raspy whisper. She then closed her eyes, opened her mouth in a permanent O shape and frowned in a sexy display of pleasure.

“So you like that huh?” you said, straightening your back a little to add pressure to her neck. “Who knew you’d be such a S&M slut.”

Another attempt to speak from her, and only a weak cough. Seconds later she squeezed her eyes shut and raised her hips. The way she pursed her lips and began to squirm were indicative that she had come again, but you didn't stop, instead you switched the hand on her neck to the left, and used the right one to slap her again.

Wony opened her eyes now teary to look at you with arched eyebrows. You looked down, intending to admire how your cock bulged that tight belly every time it went inside. The hot and lascivious scene triggered all your senses, and made you turn on the overdrive so that in a sudden burst of energy, you gave her the most aggressive thrusts of the night.

"Now you're not saying shit, are you?" you gritted your teeth, and added another hand to her neck to squeeze it harder. "Wanna say something bitch? You fucking can't because you're a fucking masochistic whore."

You leaned towards her and spit in her open mouth. Wony closed her eyes again, and you felt her try to scream from the depths of her throat in vain as she came again. You didn't stop. More thrusts as she squirmed, and your persistence only made her cum one last time. By then, her pussy was so tight and felt so good around your cock that you felt your own climax just around the corner.

Wony was finally able to breathe properly as you let go of her neck and pulled off your cock. She opened her eyes and looked up at you as you straddled her chest, and despite breathing like she was on the line of life and death, she raised her neck and presented her cute little face to you; seconds later, you were turning her into a beautiful painting worthy of Tintoretto himself.

Every corner of her face was being covered in cum, with most of the spurts landing around her nose, under her eyes, and on her beautiful lips. By the time you finished draining yourself, you fell to the side and lay on your back, breathing heavily. That had definitely been your last bullet. But that only made you think like a normal person again.

What the fuck had you done?

Turning to look at Wony you could tell she was asking herself the exact same question. You expected her to make one of her usual comments, but she didn't say anything, she just stared at the ceiling with her face covered in cum and her chest rising and falling. Fuck, you had lost count of how many times you had made her cum. That girl was sure not going to be able to dance tomorrow.

You sat up after a couple minutes and looked into each other's eyes.

"Uh... I'll get some toilet paper," you said.

"Yeah… sure," she nodded.

Silence reigned in the room as you went to the bathroom to grab a roll of toilet paper and returned to Wony. It was a rather tedious cleaning session, since you had left several places in the room dirty. Of course you had to start with her face, then you went to the TV area and finally near the window. Needless to say, all the work had fallen on you, since Wony couldn't stand up. You even helped her put on her panties and gave her one of your oversized t-shirts so you wouldn't have to snoop through her things.

By the time you were done you were dressed again too, in sport shorts and a hoodie. Wony had made herself comfortable under the blanket already, on the left side of the bed, but you didn't join her, instead you went to the couch and made yourself comfortable there in the most awkward way possible.

"What the hell are you doing?" you heard Wony ask you, as you were already curled into the fetal position (the only possible position in that space).

"I know you don't want to sleep with me," you said, pulling the hood of your hoodie up and closing your eyes. "And frankly I don't either."

There were a few long seconds of silence.

"Ezio, don't be a fucking idiot and come here," she finally said. "The bed is big enough for both of us."

"Why do you suddenly care?" you asked. "Anyone would think you'd be too self-centered to even share a bed."

You heard her growl in frustration.

"Do you want to wake up with a bad back?" she asked. "Get in bed right now!"

As much as it stung, you had to accept that order for the sake of your back and your comfort, since that damn couch was certainly not suitable for sleeping under any circumstances. With a huff, you stood up and went to the bed, where you crawled under the covers next to her but leaving a good gap between you.

"The blanket isn't that big, so I hope you're not a restless sleeper," you told her, turning your back to her.

"I'm not," Wony replied from the other side of the bed. "And even if I was, I'm a fucking cripple right now."

"Good," you said, closing your eyes again. "Good night."

"Good night," she repeated.

The next morning you felt particularly comfortable and warm when you regained consciousness. What had woken you up was the sunlight, filtering freely through the window whose curtains you had left wide open. You slowly opened your eyes, expecting to see Wony at the other end of the bed.

But she was in your arms, curled up against your chest and hugging you. Even your legs were intertwined. You immediately frowned, wondering how the hell that had happened and searching through your memory.

When the memories came back to you, everything was much easier to decipher. She and you, at some point in the early morning and for some reason, sleepy, moved around the bed looking for each other. First Wony had hugged you from behind, and when you turned around, you were the one who was the big spoon. Finally, she had turned around and curled up against you, the position you were still in until that moment.

You didn't see it appropriate to wake her up, so you just waited as long as necessary, completely still and lost in your thoughts. Wony woke up around twenty minutes later, yawning and rubbing her eyes, and upon noticing the situation you were in, she froze.

"Uhm... Ezio, what are we doing?" she asked with her hands on your chest, looking into your eyes.

"I... I don't know," you replied, still hugging her. "I honestly don't know."

Again, silence. But it wasn't an awkward silence, as you were unable to feel that tension that was always between you again. Rather, you felt the purest calm.

"At least you slept well?" you asked, looking back into her eyes.

She nodded softly.

"Perfectly," she replied, lost in your eyes. "Better than ever, honestly, and you?"

"Comfortable, very comfortable," you replied back, also lost in her gaze.

Both of your gazes then shifted to a single possible place. You looked at her lips, which were just inches away from yours. She looked back at yours, and with a quick glance into her eyes, it was easy to understand that you both wanted it. So you finally kissed.

This time you were able to properly enjoy Wony's lips, in a slow, careful kiss that was totally in contrast to what had happened last night. Wony cupped your face with her gentle hands, and you held her waist with one hand while caressing her shoulder with the other. You completely lost track of time as you kissed, but you were sure that a while had passed by the time you pulled away.

"Ezio... I'm sorry," she said against your lips.

"Why?"

She looked into your eyes.

"Because of everything we've been through," she replied. "I'm... not really like that."

"Huh?" you frowned. "But yesterday you said that..."

"I was just playing along, fool," she nudged you affectionately with her hand on your chest. "I've never hated you, but you know... you do me, and I apologize for that."

"Jang Wonyoung, you've been acting like a bitch ever since I met you and now you come to tell me that you're not really like that?"

"It's the attitude I learned to have in order to survive this shitty industry," she looked down. "You can't act fragile and naive, Ezio... Everyone has their own method to deal with media pressure and competition. It works for me to believe I'm better than everyone else, even though I know I'm not."

"But..."

"It's true that over time I didn't tolerate you for being such an insufferable whiner about my personality, but I never hated you."

"Last night you almost had security kick me out of the room when you found me here."

"Because I hated to think that after such a nice night I'd have to deal with your hatred for me," she said, still looking down as she scribbled on your chest with her finger. "And that shit stresses me out."

"So..." you looked at her in silence.

Wony finally looked up to meet your eyes.

"You've been hating just a disguise all this time," she replied. "I'll explain anything you want, really."

"No... you don't have to explain anything right now, but I'll think of questions to ask you," you said, somewhat flabbergasted. "Actually, I have a good one: what's the real you like, then?"

She gave you a cute smirk.

"You can find that out for yourself, honey," she replied, and grabbed your hoodie to pull you into another kiss.

You kissed back gladly, but you felt like the biggest idiot for being such a dick for so long. How the fuck could you not hate her? You never really talked to her, and you never gave her the chance to get close to you in a friendly way either because you always repelled her with your obvious dislike for her. Plus, it only made you realize something else.

She was one of the most gorgeous human beings you knew, and on top of that she was actually a sweet and kind person? Oh my god. Fuck no.

As the minutes passed, you broke the kiss, and you found yourself caressing her face with one of your thumbs.

"Do you want me to order us breakfast?" you asked against her lips, giving them small kisses.

"I'd love that," she nodded. "And watch something on TV together?"

You couldn't help but smile, but you cursed in your head.

Karma was a fucking bitch. A cruel one.

—————————–

As always. Thanks for reading! MASTERLIST HERE!

[rebelliousneferut]

long-distance misunderstandings | jude bellingham x verstappen!reader

summary; a compromising photo that poses a threat to your relationship with jude

genre; angst, fluff

face claim; annie schröter

note; english is not my first language.

as soon as i saw the photo i knew i had to write something about it

masterlist!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

wagsgossips

liked by y/nverstappen, yourbestfriend, footballwags and others

wagsgossips the 21 y/o real madrid star was seen last night in california in the company of his england teammate trent alexander arnold. but it was not that that caught our attention, but his closeness with a girl whose identity we still do not know.

jude bellingham has been in a romantic relationship with y/n verstappen, the younger sister of the triple world champion in formula 1.

are there problems in paradise? follow me so you don't miss any news

view comments

y/njudefans you are creating drama where there is none. it is a simple photo and we don't know the context behind it.

username he is a footballer, that already makes him a cheater

username i agree

vertappenssource was max's warning not clear enough?

username i saw it coming, she deserves better

username poor y/n:( i always thought she looked more in love than him

username for god's sake, stop assuming things and creating meaningless gossip

sunshine streamed through the window of our shared madrid apartment, casting a warm glow on everything it touched. except me. my phone, usually buzzing with life, lay silent on the coffee table. the cheerful chirping of birds outside mocked the turmoil brewing within me. a single picture, a single stolen moment, had shattered my world.

jude was in california for a commercial shoot. missing him terribly, i was holding down the fort back in madrid. social media, my usual source of joy, had become a minefield. a gossip page had exploded with a photo: jude, seemingly handsy with a random girl at a party. the caption screamed betrayal. my phone had become a vessel of concern, overflowing with messages from worried friends and fans.

"he wouldn't do that," i whispered, denial laced with a sliver of doubt. i knew Jude. i knew his loyalty, his unwavering love and i knew how harmful the networks could be. yet, the photo gnawed at me, a seed of suspicion taking root.

i decided to take my phone, just because i knew how worried my brother would be until now and i had to talk to him. and almost as if he read my mind, a video call from him came in

"hello liefje," he muttered, almost as if he was expecting me to explode at any moment. "i know how things may look right now, talk to jude before you do anything rash, you know how the media is."

"I know, it just took me by surprise. and I'm not going to lie, it hurt me a little but i know there is an explanation behind it." i told him, even though it wasn't a compromising photo, seeing him so close to another woman had made me think.

"in any case, let me know and i'll go beat him up." max answered me, pretending to hit his fists which made me genuinely laugh.

after talking to max for a while i felt calmer, but i still knew that i had to talk to jude, who i had not responded to for hours because i knew that my feelings were going to betray me.

days bled into one another. calls from jude went unanswered, my voicemails a silent plea for explanation. the silence stretched, a suffocating weight on my chest. i retreated into myself, a fortress of hurt and confusion.

then, the door creaked open, shattering the suffocating silence. jude, his face etched with worry, rushed in, his arms outstretched for me. i flinched, the photo flashing in my mind.

"where have you been?" he sighed, relief washing over his features. "why haven't you been answering my calls?"

his voice, laced with concern, chipped away at the walls i'd built. tears welled up in my eyes, a torrent threatening to burst. i thrust my phone at him, the photo accusingly displayed on the screen.

jude's brow furrowed in confusion as he looked at the picture. understanding dawned, followed by a wave of frustration.

"baby, i know what this looks like, but she was there for a photo. the media just took everything out of context, i would never be able to lie to you, you know." shame colored my cheeks.

"i should have called you," he admitted, his voice laced with regret.

i reached out, taking his hand in mines. "i should have trusted you," i whispered, the words heavy with unspoken hurt.

the silence that followed wasn't suffocating anymore. it was filled with the promise of a new beginning. we spent the night talking, clearing the air, the misunderstanding dissolving in the warmth of shared apologies and renewed trust.

the next morning, i woke up to the gentle sunlight and the feeling of jude's arm wrapped around me. he pulled me closer, his lips brushing against my ear.

"maybe next time, we travel together," he murmured, his voice a husky whisper.

i smiled, a genuine one this time. "no more long-distance misunderstandings," i agreed, snuggling closer.

the internet storm eventually subsided, replaced by messages of support and well-wishes. our love story, a little richer for having weathered a storm, continued, a testament to the power of communication and trust.

judebellingham uploaded to their story;

[caption; my one and only]

[mrsparrasblog]

Makarov X Price Daughter pt.2

Pt 1 pt.3

You woke up with the worst headache of your life. Did you drink too much yesterday? You didn't remember drinking at all, only meeting the most handsome man you ever saw in your life who was interested in you and charming. When you slowly shifted in bed, you felt some difference. Your bed felt more comfortable and not so small anymore. It wasn't your usual twin-sized bed; it was a king-sized bed and very comfortable. Did you go to his place yesterday and forget?

You opened your eyes and gasped. This was definitely not your home. The room you stayed in was gigantic. The bed sheets were made of satin, and not the poor ones, but expensive satin, and they were pink. The whole room was to your aesthetic. Were you dreaming? You must have. You wiggled your legs away from the satin sheets, noticing the pajamas you wore. You didn't remember buying this. Just a dream.

As you jumped out of the comfortable bed, the dream turned into a nightmare. There were four military men pointing guns at you. "Куда, по-вашему, вы направляетесь?"

Russian. Your mysterious bachelor from yesterday was Russian too, but it couldn't be. He was so nice. You whined as you replied, tears streaming down from your face onto your soft cheeks. "Sir, I don't understand Russian."

They rolled their eyes at you and chuckled. They didn't speak with you, only gesturing for you to sit down and point their guns at you, and you obeyed. You remembered how your dad always told Tina, If someone points a gun at you, listen. He never told you anything about how to save your life in these kinds of situations. It is ironic to think that you were in this situation. You asked your dad once if he'd teach you how to shoot a gun, but he said things like that wouldn't be for girls like you, more for girls like Tina.

After sitting in the same spot for an hour, Vlad really entered the door. "Princess, were my guards too ruthless, or why do you cry?"

You couldn't believe how naive you were. Of course, a man like him had ulterior motives when he flirted with you. "Why are your guards pointing a gun at me?"

"Oh, Princess, are you scared?"

You only nodded and gasped when his reaction to your nod was to shoot one of his guards in the head. The blood splattered on the remaining two guards and on the soft white carpet. You were horrified. You had never seen someone get killed in front of you, and you were scared out of your life. He killed his own man without any remorse.

"Sorry, Princess, about the mess, but you don't need to be scared. I'll always protect you," he said with a sinister smile as if he really thought he was my protector, but he wasn't. He was a psychopath.

"Why am I here?"

"You know your dad pissed me off, and I wanted to teach him a lesson, but I'm a man of resources, and your ass is worth enough not to be killed. Besides, I'd like to see John Price begging to spare your life."

You didn't know why, but you laughed. You got kidnapped for your dad, who didn't even make time to come to your birthday, as if he had time to save you from Vlad. "I think you got the wrong daughter for that. That will be my death, and my father won't care enough to save the biggest disappointment in his life."

"Oh, Princess, I know that you think your daddy hates you and loves your ugly little sister, but want to know a secret?" He grinned, his eyes darkening.

You only nodded. You thought you didn't want to know, but you would agree with everything. Vlad didn't seem like the guy to tolerate your sassiness.

"Tina isn't his."

"What?"

"Yes, your annoying stepmom cheated."

"My life is a joke."

He screamed at you, "I don't tolerate negativity towards yourself. Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Vlad."

"Good girl," he purred, nipping at your neck. He wasn't someone who showed care or ever felt affection before, but he was always possessive, never sharing, not even as a kid. So, this was his way to go: marking your neck, showering you with gifts, and showing everyone touching you would get them killed—and not in a merciful way. He didn't know why or what spell you put him under, but you occupied his mind. He was almost close to killing you for it, but he had better things in mind—more selfish things for you. "You know, my princess, I have big plans for you."

"It's beautiful," you said flatly, not wanting to satisfy him to much.

He grabbed your wrist roughly and walked you to a second room, a walk-in closet. How rich was this guy? There was everything you could have imagined—everything from your Pinterest board. And everything was straight-up luxury: Louboutins, YSL heels, Chanel dresses, Cartier jewelry, and a Birkin bag. Who is this guy?

"Is this—"

"I almost needed to kill someone for that stupid bag, but everything for you, princess," he said. The sound of his flickering tongue made your stomach grumble.

"You can't buy my love!" You screamed, your emotions pent up, and you started to cry again.

He grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you down into the basement of this mansion, showing you a dark and cold room. "Stop being ungrateful, or I'll let you rot here." He didn't need to prove anything. You knew he was ruthless by the way he killed his own men.

"I'm sorry, Vlad."

"Good girl," he purred, nipping at your neck. He wasn't someone who showed care or ever felt affection before, but he was always possessive, never sharing, not even as a kid.

So, this was his way to go: marking your neck, showering you with gifts, and showing everyone touching you would get them killed—and not in a merciful way. He didn't know why or what spell you put him under, but you occupied his mind. He was almost close to killing you for it, but he had better things in mind—more selfish things for you.

"You know, my princess, I have big plans for you."

"Kill me and send my corpse to my dad?" You said it sarcastically, and he smirked at your response.

"You know this is my empire, and every good empire needs its queen."

"No."

"Oh, you think you have a say in this? You will fall in love with me anyway, pathetic little girl."

He grabbed you and pushed you deeper into him, the tip of his finger gliding around your bottom lip, savoring the slickness from your trembling lips before kissing you forcefully. He wasn't a man who kissed without ulterior motives normally, always feeling disgusted by this. But right now, he wanted to claim every inch of you, showing you that you are indeed his.

Like a reflex, you leaned into his kiss, feeling the need to savor this moment. He could have only asked you out, and you would have agreed, but now you're his plaything.

Tag list: @multifand0midi07 , @whos-fran

[storiesforallfandoms]

icdiwabh ~ joseph quinn

word count: 3688

request?: no

description: after finding out that her recently broken up with ex is already in a new relationship, she puts on a happy face for the public. but she can't do the same with him

pairing: joseph quinn x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angsty angst, rpf, use of y/n

based on this song

masterlist (one, two, three)

To give her credit, my best friend and guitarist, Chloe, tried her best to keep me from looking at my phone before our show. And it was working. I didn't even think anything of it, just that we were goofing off before a show as usual.

And then my phone chimed with a text from my mom. She always sent me a good luck text before a show. I unlocked my phone to respond, then saw that my social media notifications were blowing up more than usual.

I shouldn't have looked, but you know what they say about curiosity and the cat.

I opened Twitter to see I was being mentioned a lot. Mainly in replies to other tweets, and most of the tweets were along the lines of, "What happened to @(Y/U/N)?" I clicked on one to see what that context was, and was brought to a tweet from Pop Crave.

"Joseph Quinn photographed on a date with Doja Cat," followed by various photos of my ex-boyfriend getting cozy with another woman.

I felt my heart drop and break into millions of pieces.

I know what you're thinking: why would seeing my ex moving on hurt so much? It's not like we were together. We were both free to see whoever we wanted now. But there were a few reasons this news was upsetting; for one, we had only broken up three months ago, which apparently is around the time when these pictures were taken. Second, Joseph had broken up with me due to the fact that I was a singer, which meant we didn't get to spend as much time together as either of us would've wanted. I understood at the time. I mean, of course the break up still hurt, but I kind of knew it was coming when things between us had felt different the last month or so of our relationship.

Then there was the biggest reason: Doja was the woman he told me not to worry about.

I am not joking.

Joseph and I were together when the whole Doja versus Noah stuff happened online. We both laughed about it at the time, and i had jokingly asked Joseph, "Should I worry about you getting stolen away by Doja Cat?" He had wrapped me in his arms, kissed me, and said of course not.

Obviously, that had changed.

Chloe found me just as the tears started to fall. She was quick to hug me and whisper comforting words.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," she said. "But we have to get to the stage."

Performing was the last thing on my mind, but I had thousands of fans waiting for me. I couldn't let them down just because I was heartbroken.

I followed Chloe to take my place. I wiped the tears from my eyes, hoping my face wasn't too red or puffy. Our backstage crew passed me my microphone as the countdown for the show to start started in my earpiece. I took a deep, calming breath, pushing everything out of my mind. As the blinding stage lights hit me, I put on my best show smile.

~~~~~~

The next few weeks were tough. I had to go on a full social media hiatus, meaning I deleted all social media apps from my phone to keep myself from seeing any more updates on Joseph and Doja. Chloe took up posting on my accounts so no one suspected anything. We had already decided the best course of action was to ignore the questions and comments, and to pretend like the news didn't even hurt me.

But it did. It hurt me more than any words could ever describe. Having to go on stage two to three nights a week and sing the love songs I wrote about him made it even harder. I struggled to keep it together on stage sometimes. I saved the emotions for when I'd get back to the hotel or the tour bus. Then I'd be able to cry until my eyes hurt and were too heavy to stay awake.

Some nights were sleepless, though. On those nights, I'd usually just lay awake or try to use one of the streaming services on my phone to distract myself. One night, I found myself too hungry to be distracted. My stomach was rumbling enough that I could hardly hear the show I was watching. After some quick Googling, I found a 24 hour diner that seemed like it would be slow enough for me to go without being recgonized.

I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy hoodie with the hood up to cover my face. I put my phone and my hotel room key in my pocket, and left to make my way to the diner.

As I expected, there weren't many people there. Maybe one table with two young ladies sat there, plus the workers. I kept my hood up anyways as I ordered, just in case. The host who took my order did look at me like he may have known who I was, but he didn't say anything.

My plan was to get my food and take it back to the hotel to eat it. But that plan was quickly changed when a familiar British voice said, "(Y/N)?"

I froze. There was no way he was actually here. It had to be a figment of my imagination. A hallucination made up by my misery over the breakup and his quick moving on.

But when I looked up, there he was. He was also in a hoodie and sweatpants, but was doing less to hide his identity. Actually, nothing to hide his identity. I couldn't help but glance around to make sure no one was looking at us or there was no paparazzi that had followed him and started snapping photos.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked, then realized it was a stupid question and winced at myself.

"That's...um...my hoodie."

I looked down and realized that he was right. I hadn't even noticed that I had it, even when I packed it for the tour.

"I was wondering where it went," he said with a little smile.

"Here it is," I said, lamely flourishing my hands. "I'd offer to give it back, but I'm not wearing anything underneath."

I saw him swallow at my comment. I thought I saw a tinge of pink creeping onto his cheeks, but I figured it must've been the lighting or something. There was no way I could still make him blush when he obviously had no feelings for me anymore.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm in town shooting the Fantastic Four movie," he explained. "I just finished a late shoot, so I stopped in for something to eat. What are you doing here?"

"I had a show tonight. I couldn't sleep, and I'm hungry. So..." I did my lame flourish again.

"Oh yes. The post-show adrenaline."

I ground my teeth to keep from saying anything. The weeks of sadness and misery suddenly vanished and became anger. I was angry at him for reminding me that he knew me so well. That we had shared memories on sleepless nights like this. I was also angry that he didn't think our breakup and his quick moving on would be the cause of my sleeplessness. Did he think I didn't know? Or just that I'd be okay with him and his new girlfriend mere weeks after our two year long relationship ended?

I just shrugged in response.

My order was called and I quickly grabbed it. I turned to give Joseph a wave as a goodbye. I needed to get out of there and get back to my hotel room to wallow in my dispair.

But it seemed Joseph had other plans, as he stopped me before I could leave. "Do you want to sit? Maybe...catch up?"

"Is that a good idea?" I asked.

"I don't see why it wouldn't be."

"You don't want your new girlfriend to see paparazzi photos of you with your ex."

There, it was finally out. No more tiptoeing around the topic.

It seemed to have its desired effect as Joseph was now awkwardly shuffling. He rubbed the back of his neck, which was now undoubtably turning pink. "So, you've heard."

"Of course I heard!" I snapped. I glanced around again, realizing I was raising my voice. "Your pictures are everywhere, and I'm being tagged in them cause we never told everyone we had broken up."

"I'm sorry you had to find out that way."

I scoffed. "How else was I going to find out? Were you going to call me and tell me you were dating the girl you said wasn't a threat to our relationship?"

He sighed. Before he could say anything else, they called that another order was ready, and evidently it was his. It was also packed in a to go bag, so he clearly had no intentions of staying either. With any luck, he'd drop this stupid idea of sitting down for a "catch up" and let me leave to deal with all the emptions I was feeling.

But of course, luck was not on my side.

Joseph grabbed his food and turned back to me. "Just...sit with me for 15 minutes at least. Let me explain."

Even though I very much wanted an explanation, I said, "You don't have to explain anything."

"Just...please, (Y/N)."

And that's how I found myself sat in a booth that was tucked away, in the middle of the night with my ex-boyfriend.

It was a bad idea, and I knew that. Besides the fact that I definitely should not be sitting down with the ex that I had been in shambles over for weeks, it was also a bad idea publicity wise. Joseph wasn't trying to hide himself. Anyone could see us and snap a picture, or call paparazzi to make a quick buck. Even with me trying to hide myself, someone would eventually put the pieces together to realize it was me. Then we'd have a whole new shit show on our hands.

I opened my food and started to eat. There was no point in letting it go cold and completely ruin my night. Joseph wasn't as quick to do the same. He was watching me. When I realized he wasn't eating, I made a gesture for him to start talking.

"Is there anything specific you want to know?" he asked.

Well, that was a stupid question. There was a lot I wanted to know. So much so that I knew we'd be here way longer than 15 minutes if I asked it all.

I decided to ask him the most prominent question on my mind: "Did you leave me for her?"

He seemed stunned by my question. "No! No, of course I didn't. Why would you think that?"

I gave him a look. "Come on, Joseph. We both know why I'd think that."

He shuffled in his seat. "It's not like that."

"Then explain it. That's the whole reason I'm sat here."

So he did. He told me he met Doja (he used her real name, which made my stomach churn) at her concert. He had gone with a few friends, and when she found out he was there she brought them backstage to meet her. He swore it was all casual at first, that they were just friendly and were making light of the situation between her and Noah. When things started changing, he swore it was just a rebound thing.

"I never meant for it to become anything more," he insisted. "I was still so hurt. I just wanted something that would take my mind off of the pain."

I couldn't hold back the scoff that escaped my lips. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," I said. "I'm just so sorry to hear that you were hurting."

"What, you don't think our breakup was hard for me?"

"Weirdly enough, no, I didn't think you took things hard when you dumped me."

Joseph sighed. "It wasn't - "

"And you know what else?" I cut him off. "You told me you found it hard for us to be together because of our professions. And, honestly, I understood! If you weren't away filming, I was away touring. If you weren't doing press for a movie or show, I was doing press for an album. It wasn't easy, and while I was willing to go through those strifes for us, I did understand how it could be too difficult for you. But then you turned around, not even a month after you dumped me, and started dating another singer."

He was quiet. He couldn't even meet my eye.

I felt a lump forming in my throat, and my voice cracked as I said, "If you didn't love me anymore, you could've just said that."

He looked up at me quickly. "That's not - "

He was cut off again. Not by me this time, but by his phone. Someone was calling him. When I looked at the screen, I saw her name. It felt like a knife directly through my heart.

I packed my food and stood. Joseph looked like he was going to say something, but I put a hand up to stop him. "Answer your girlfriend, Joseph."

He didn't try to stop me when I left this time.

~~~~~~

As I expected, photos of Joseph and I got out. I didn't know to what extent as I still wasn't back on social media. My manager confronted me about it and I explained what had happened. She wasn't upset as I wasn't the one who hadn't been concealing my identity, and she agreed that the best course of action was just to ignore everything until it blew over.

Another two months passed and the tour finally ended. It became easier to perform as the time went on. Not completely easy, and I did have a night or two where I slipped up and got emotional on stage, but eventually I was able to put the meanings of my songs aside and just performed them for my fans. I knew some nights weren't as great as others, but I got through it, and finally I was going to have a break.

Chloe reluctantly agreed to let me have my social media back. I was still hurting a little, but I told her I couldn't isolate myself forever. It just wasn't healthy. Besides, I would need something to keep me occupied while I was home, besides just watching mind numbing reality TV. She finally relented when I told her she could watch me block the words "Joseph Quinn" and "Doja Cat" on all social media so that I wouldn't have to see any posts about them.

I was honestly surprised to find that I didn't want to look up anything to do with them. For a long time, the desire to know about their relationship was eating away at me. There were so many specifics I felt like I needed to know, but I eventually realized that I was just going to hurt myself further if I looked into them. Of course, I didn't completely stop thinking about Joseph. I didn't expect to. We had been together for two years, almost moved in with one another. I thought we were going to get married. You don't just let that go easily. But at least it was getting a little easier to live in a world where he was no longer mine.

On one particularly nice day, I decided to go out on the balcony to read. It was one of those fall days where the sun was out and there was a little heat coming from it, but not enough that it was unbearable. A slight breeze would blow through every so often, just cool enough to keep it tolerable outside. I was laid back in one of my deck chairs, engrossed in my book to a point that I hadn't heard someone approaching.

"Must be an interesting novel."

I jumped at the sound of a voice coming from my driveway below. I bookmarked my page and sat up to see the last person I wanted to be around. "What are you doing here, Joseph?"

"I just got back from filming."

"Good for you."

"I...I was hoping you were home."

"Well, you see that I am. Don't let the gate hit you on the way out."

"(Y/N), can we just talk?"

I stood from my seat and leaned over the balcony railing to look at him. "We said all there was to say in that diner months ago. There's nothing else to be talked about. Besides, do you want more pictures of us to come out? I'm sure Doja wouldn't be happy to see her man making a personal visit to his ex's place."

"We broke up!"

I stopped. "What?"

"Last month. It was all over social media, or so Lupita tells me." He tilted his head. "You didn't hear?"

"I-I blocked yours and Doja's names on social media so I wouldn't have to see any tweets or posts about you."

Joseph looked at me for a moment before barking out a laugh. I couldn't help but put a hand over my face as I laughed as well. Of course, by trying to block him out completely, I had totally missed the one thing I would've wanted to see.

I was a bit reluctant, but eventually I invited Joseph to come up. He knew his way through my place, he had been there enough times. I sat back down on my deck chair and pulled another one closer to me, as he appeared in the glass doorway. He sat down next to me and memories of all the times we had been out here flooded back to me.

"I wasn't done talking that night in the diner," he said. "I still had so much to say, and I have even more to say now."

"I didn't want to hear it," I admitted. "In my mind, after hearing how you and Doja got together, it just made more sense if you had broken up with me because you didn't love me anymore."

He shook his head. "It wasn't that at all. I never stopped loving you."

I was itching to ask him if that meant he still loved me now, but instead I said, "Then why?"

"I broke up with you because I loved you so much," he said. "Because loving you but not getting to spend time with you hurt so much, and I knew there was no way around that. When I started getting more job offers I knew things were just going to get so much busier for me, and that our already very short time together was going to dwindle down more and more, and I hated the thought of that."

"I would've taken a break," I told him.

"I couldn't ask you to do that. You love making music and performing. I could never ask you to stop doing that, or to change that. I thought the best thing for you would be if you could find someone who wasn't as busy, and who'd be able to go on tour with you and be at all your shows. Someone who wouldn't be in a different time zone basically 11 months out of a year and only be able to call you for an hour max every night."

"But what if that's not what I want?" I asked. "Yes, it was hard not to get to see you all the time, but I never would've traded that for anything else. I was so proud of you for all those roles you were getting, and even if I only got to talk to you for a few minutes, I loved getting to hear what you were doing. Because you were achieving your dream, and I got to be there to experience it. I don't want someone who can be with me all the time, I want you."

I hadn't noticed that we were both sat on the edge of our chairs. We were so close we were almost touching. I could smell the familiar scent of his cologne and it was making my heart skip a few beats.

"I should've talked to you instead of deciding just to end things," he said, his voice soft and quiet.

"You should've," I agreed. "And then if you were going to rebound, you shouldn't have done it with the girl you told me not to worry about."

He awkwardly chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, not my finest moment."

I sat back in my chair, although I didn't want to. I wanted to keep being this close to him, or maybe to get closer. "So why did you two breakup anyways?"

"She was nice and all, but she wasn't you."

We sat in silence, letting his words sink in. He was looking at me, almost like he was waiting. Maybe I was waiting, too, to see where that confession was supposed to go. After a few moments, my body moved before my mind could comprehend what was happening. I quickly leaned forward, nearly putting myself on Joseph's lap, and started kissing him. He kissed me back immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me the rest of the way onto his lap.

"I missed you," he mumbled against my lips.

"I missed you too," I admitted. I pulled away to add, "But don't think you're completely off the hook. You did still hurt me, you know."

"I know I did. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for it if I have to."

I smiled. "I think I like the sound of that."

He smiled back at me and pulled me back in for another kiss. Eventually, my book was abandoned on the balcony, and the large blinds were closed to keep from anyone being able to see the reunion happening inside.

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Hold On

Summary: Maddie finds Reader on the bathroom floor after Reader attempted. The 118 receive the call as she is one of their own & then wait at the hospital with their family. Meanwhile, Reader is reminded of all her people & why she can’t give up. 

TW/CW: PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNSURE IF YOU SHOULD!!! I'd rather you skip the read than get put in a bad place... Suicide Attempt, Reader's Bio Parents Are Dog Shit, Eddie Diaz x Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Angst 

Requested?: No  

Word Count: 5,236

A/N: This was hella therapeutic to write. I’m not okay mentally but I’m working on it & writing this helped me take a step back from THAT area of my mind. I have my own real-life people that would play in my Movie Theater (this reference will make sense once you read it) & I watch that instead of venturing into the darkness. I’m sure it may not be entirely medically accurate. I apologize if it ever switches tenses weirdly or when it shouldn’t, I kind of confused myself with certain parts lol. Anyway, I just want you to know dear reader, you are loved, you are wanted, you are needed. If you ever need someone to talk to my dms are open. Love to all! Requests are open! 

--- Third Person POV ---

     Maddie found it odd that your home was silent when she walked in. You can't stand silence, even when you're sleeping there's soft lo-fi playing. It wasn't unusual for your friends to let themselves in but Maddie always at least knocked first. Usually that prompted you to rush to the door to meet her when it opened. You were nowhere to be seen. Maybe Buck was right. He had asked her to check in on you because he had a bad gut feeling. If he wasn't stuck at work, he'd have checked in on you himself.  

     Maddie set her purse and keys down on the kitchen counter, "(Y/N)?" No response. She made her way through your small apartment. She checked each room with no luck before finally making it to the guest bathroom. She knocked softly but hearing no response she opened the door. She immediately let go of the knob as her hand flew to her mouth in shock. She rushed to your side, "(Y/N)? Hey, wake up!" Her heart plummeted to her stomach as she hurriedly pulled her phone out to dial 911 and scanned the room around her. 

     "911, what's your emergency?" she recognized the voice immediately. 

     "Josh! It's (Y/N)! Send the 118," Maddie responded quickly as she checked over your vitals. 

     "Maddie what's going on?" Josh asked, the worry clear in his tone.

     As she continued her attempts to wake you, she explained, "There's so many medicine bottles scattered around, a nearly empty bottle of liquor, and a bunch of crumpled pieces of paper, Josh. She's barely breathing and her pulse is extremely low." 

     On the other end of the line, Josh was in pure shock, "Maddie did she-" 

     "Yes, Josh. She did," Maddie sobbed, tears streaming down her face as she still tried to wake you. The sirens approaching told her that help was close, "I hear the sirens. I gotta go." 

     "Okay, just keep me posted," Josh replied. 

     "I will," Maddie answered as she heard the front door open and hung up the phone. In seconds, Buck was pulling her out of the room holding her securely in his arms even though he so desperately needed to be in there helping save his best friend. Bobby watched the two make their way to the living room from outside the bathroom door as he held tight to Eddie's shoulder. He had dropped to his knees on the cold, hard, tile floor while gasping for breath between sobs and collected your hand in his. Hen and Chimney set to work on stabilizing you for transport to the hospital, forcing the tears to stay inside until they got you there. 

     As they wheeled your still body out with all kinds of equipment hooked to it, Maddie jumped up from the couch and ran to grab her keys and purse, "I'm riding with her." The team didn't argue as they made their way out. Once they had you safely loaded onto the ambulance, Chimney helped Maddie into the back, kissing her hand to say goodbye as Hen made her way to the driver's seat. Eddie climbed into the back to take over for Chimney. His hands were shaky as he checked your vitals over and over again, silently begging you to wake up right then and there. Begrudgingly, Buck and Chimney followed Bobby to the fire truck.  

     Maddie's heart raced as she held your hand gently. Eddie took a split second away from tending to you to wipe the tears rolling down his cheeks, "She'll be ok," he said more to himself than Maddie. 

     Her heart broke, "She's obviously not been ok for a long time, Eddie. How did none of us see it?" 

     From the front, Hen answered, her own tears threatening to blur her vision, "(Y/N) seems to think she has to fight her battles alone. She always has." 

     Back in the fire truck it was silent until Chimney finally spoke up, "Why didn't she say something?" 

     Bobby responded from the driver's seat, "I don't know, Chim. All I know is what we can do which is be there for her when she makes it through this." 

     Buck couldn't bring himself to look up from his boots, "Did anyone else see the note on the counter?" They all thought about those two simple words, I'm sorry. Fresh tears began to make their way down Buck's cheeks as Chimney wiped his own. Bobby took a deep breath as they pulled up at the hospital. 

     Everyone piled out of both vehicles as Eddie and Hen removed you from the ambulance and wheeled you toward the entrance. As they handed you off to the doctors and nurses, informing them of everything they could, every one of them were fighting to stay put and not pass those glass doors. 

     A few hours later, the team finally finished their shift. Maddie and Eddie had stayed at the hospital to keep everyone informed and for the sake of their own sanity. No one else had said a word about the event that had occurred. They were all replaying and processing that span of time. Having heard about everything from Maddie, Carla had offered to pick Jee and Chris both up from daycare and school to take care of them for as long as their parents needed. Karen, who had heard about it from Maddie as well, told Hen to do what she needed to do but let her know as soon as Hen needed her or she and the kids could visit. The team piled into Bobby's truck and silently rode to the hospital. 

     When they arrived and found Maddie and Eddie in the waiting room, a group hug was formed. They leaned on each other as they all desperately hoped that a nurse or doctor would approach to let them know you were okay and awake. 

     Meanwhile, in your quiet hospital room, a nurse took your vitals as you lay there still motionless. Your heart rate and oxygen had come up but were nowhere near where they should be for a young, healthy, firefighter. Somewhere in your unconscious mind there was a song playing. For as long as you could remember, Hold On by Chord Overstreet had always made you cry. It brought to mind the people in your life that would miss you if you were gone. Sure, those people changed in and out depending on where you were in life but this time it was the faces of your friends, your family. As the song played, memories also played on a big movie theater screen. You sat in the seats alone. 

     The first day you walked into the 118 firehouse started the movie. The smile on Bobby, Hen, and Chimney's faces when you tripped over a bench before stumbling through introducing yourself. They introduced themselves as well before motioning for you to join them upstairs for lunch. You had instantly clicked with them and they quickly became like family to you. 

     Next came the day you met your best friend, Buck, shortly followed by every single time anyone had referred to the two of you as "the dynamic duo". Then came every time you had looked at Buck and "thought what would I do without him". Buck had been your crutch through so much pain and heartache. The two of you were two peas in a pod from the very beginning. He was someone you could always depend on to be there and you were someone he could always trust to never judge him for who he is. 

     Meanwhile, the doctor has finally let a few people at a time visit, he said no more than three for now. Every one insisted that Bobby, Buck, and Eddie go first. As soon as they opened the door, tears started trickling again at the sight of your motionless body. Buck tore his eyes away from you and looked around thinking for a few seconds before walking right over to the table at your side to pick up the remote and turn the tv on at a low volume, "She hates silence." Bobby nodded, offering an attempt at a smile as he placed his hand on Buck's shoulder. Eddie still stood at the door, staring at you.  

     Bobby noticed and stepped to his side, gently tugging his arm to place him beside the heart monitor, "It's beating, Eddie. Let that bring you some hope." Eddie looked up at the line on the screen before nodding and pulling up a chair to your side. He gently took your hand in his, staying mindful of the IV, and kissed your knuckles. Bobby made his way over to your other side and brushed your hair from your face. He took a deep breath as he listened to the steady beeps. The silence was broken by Buck, "You gotta come back to us, (Y/N) ... We need you." The three sat in silence for a few more moments before Bobby gently pulled Buck back to the waiting room so another two could visit. 

     Back in the theater, Maddie made an appearance next. The day you met, all the fun outings the two of you had, the gossip sessions and boy talk, all of it flashed across the screen in chronological order. She was like a sister to you. Growing up a single child, you never knew what that was like until Maddie came along. 

     The first time you ever saw Eddie played, the man who would turn the dynamic duo into the three musketeers and later become the love of your life. You watched as several different occasions of you, him, and Buck taking Chris out for an adventure. Then Chris became the focus. That kid had taught you a lot in the few years you'd known him. Every lesson played in succession. 

     Following Chris and Eddie came several other people that had made a positive impact in your life. Faces like Jee-Yun Buckley Han who you always referred to as your niece, Athena Grant-Nash who you looked upon as a mother figure, May Grant who you dubbed as your little sister and always looked out for, Josh Russo who always had the best non-biased advice, Carla Price who you knew your small family could never live without, and several others. Behind them came everyone who had ever thanked you for saving them in their time of need. Many faces that you didn’t even realize you remembered said thank you over and over again. As the final chorus and bridge played, specific moments showed in time with the lyrics. 

Hold on, I still want you. 

     The night you turned up on Bobby and Athena's doorstep crying so hard you couldn't see because your parents had both told you that they never wanted to see you again for supporting your friends who were part of the LGBTQIA+ community. They had welcomed you in and comforted you, making sure that you knew without a doubt that, "We would happily call you our daughter if given the chance.” From that night on, their names in your contacts were Momma Athena and Captain Dad, formerly Athena and Captain Nash. The next morning, you woke up on their couch to the smell of waffles and sausage. When you shuffled into the kitchen, Bobby gave you a great big grin and insisted you join them for family breakfast with May, Harry, Michael, and David. 

Come back, I still need you. 

     The day Buck turned up on your doorstep begging you to come back to the 118 after having been transferred against your will, "I feel like I'm gonna go insane without you there. You're the glue that holds my dumbass and the rest of the 118 together." Not to mention, "Don't get me wrong, Eddie's great but I need my other best friend back. We can't be the Three Musketeers without you." He declared that if you wouldn't talk to your Captain about transferring back, then he would and he wouldn't leave until the man put in the transfer request. Knowing damn well he'd do just that, you promised to talk to him the next day and sure enough you were soon transferred back which you to this day believe Bobby and Buck both had something to do with because your Captain was adamant that he wasn't going to transfer you. 

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right. 

     The time that Hen and Chimney patched you up after Gerard made a stupid call and sent you into a burning building even though you had just gotten over bronchitis. They both fought tooth and nail to keep from giving him a piece of their mind. Chimney promised, "I'm gonna make him regret putting you in danger like that," and he did. He made Gerard's life a malicious compliance hell until he was finally gone and you all had Bobby back. Hen was always Mother Hen-ing you after that. She never let anyone do you wrong if she had anything to say about it and she would always be first to bat when it came to patching you up, "Ah ah, don't touch her. That's my firefighter that needs patching," was common when Chimney or another station's medic got to you before her. 

I swear to love you all my life. 

     The night Eddie found out that Chris had been calling you Mom and insisted you come over to talk. With Chris in bed, the two of you sat on the couch. Eddie cleared his throat, "I've fought with myself for a while now about how I feel about you. You're my friend and coworker. I shouldn't feel the need to scream I love you and kiss you until neither of us can breathe. I shouldn't need you in my life as much as I do," he paused, "But after finding out that Chris calls you Mom, that he loves you as much as I do, I don't care. I understand if you don't feel the same but I love you, (Y/N)." The two of you made eye contact before you told him you felt the same and began a beautiful relationship. 

Hold on, I still need you. 

     Several different occurrences that always stuck out in your memory of someone thanking you after a call. One in particular, a teenage girl whose mother had to call 911 after finding her in a bathtub of her own blood. She barely made it but you talked to her the entire time the medics were stabilizing her to keep her awake. You made sure to check in on her at the hospital after your shift. She was smiling brightly and laughing with her family when you knocked softly at the door. Her father had stood defensively at the entrance of a stranger but her mother pulled him back, “This young lady helped save our daughter.” The girl looked at you and motioned for you to come closer. When you made it to her bedside, she took your hand in hers, “Thank you. We need good people like you in this world and I’m very glad that you’re one of the ones out there saving lives, saving mine. Please, tell your team thank you for me.” All you could do was nod and offer a smile. 

I don't wanna let go. I know I'm not that strong. 

     The day Maddie told you, "You're basically my little sister, (Y/N). I don't ever wanna lose you. You are loved beyond compare, I promise," after you confessed to her that you were struggling with suicidal thoughts. She made you promise to come to her if you ever found your mind in that place again. She said she wouldn't be able to bear the thought of having to let you go. You remember thinking that same thing when she disappeared after having Jee. You spent countless nights lying awake worrying about her. You wished you could be there for like she had been for you.  

I just wanna hear you saying, "Baby, let's go home." Let's go home. Yeah, I just wanna take you home. 

     Every time you looked around at your people and thought this is family, this is home. Several meals at the fire house, all the parties and cook outs at the Grant-Nash residence, the weddings, birthdays, and other various celebrations, the moments after you thought you'd lost one or more of them in disasters but there they were safe and sound. You knew early on that they would be there for you to the very end. Darkness and light, sickness and health, they were there, not just for each other but for you too. They gave you a place to feel safe, to feel like you belong. 

Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you. 

     The screen fades to black as you sit there wondering why you ever decided to give that up. Tears stream down your face and drip onto your lap as you hope with all your might that this isn't the end. You silently beg the universe to give you another chance. 

     In the quiet hospital room, the heart monitor is now beeping at a healthier rhythm. Eddie and Bobby both now sit on either side of your bed. Everyone has come for a visit before returning to the waiting room. Buck, Maddie, and Chimney are all playing with Jee who was brought by Carla not long ago. The little girl is bringing everyone in the waiting room a bit of sunshine as she sits rotating between her mom, dad, and uncle playing patty cake. Tommy smiles brightly as his boyfriend lets Jee "win" at patty cake, up until this moment he had no idea one could win playing patty cake.  

     Across from them, Carla and Athena speak quietly as Chris sits between them. He hasn't said a word since he returned to the waiting room from his visit to you. Hen, Karen, Denny, and Mara return from the cafe with snacks for everyone, juices for the kids, and coffees for the adults. As they pass them around, Eddie and Bobby enter the waiting room, Eddie rubbing his face in exhaustion before squatting down in front of Chris, "You okay?" Hen hands the tired man a coffee as Chris stares blankly at his lap. Eddie rubs his shoulder as Bobby clarifies that the doctor and nurse needed to take a look at you to get an idea of your status but that you're still hanging in. Eddie hadn't left your room the entire time since they were allowed to visit. Bobby had returned and stayed too after everyone else had a visit. 

     Eddie places his pointer finger under Chris's chin and finally the young boy looks up, making direct eye contact with him, "I want to go see Mom again." Everyone in the room shows various signs of surprise, Chris had never called you Mom in front of anyone else besides you and Eddie. Eddie kisses his forehead before nodding as he stands. Together the two make their way back to your side. The doctor and nurse having just finished up when they enter your room. 

     Chris takes a seat in the chair that Eddie had been occupying previously, as his dad stands behind him. Chris places his hand on top of yours, prompting Eddie to place his on Christopher's shoulders. Chris tilts his ear toward the steady beeping, "It sounds better." Behind him Eddie is struggling to keep it together as he whispers, "Yeah." He takes a few deep breaths as the room falls quiet again. The beeping persists just like the tv that no one could bring themselves to turn off. In some way they're all hoping the noise brings you a bit of comfort. Chris lays his head down where his hand meets yours, "I love you, Mom. Hold on, okay?" Eddie lays his head against the back of Christopher's. As hard as he tries to keep them in, the tears force their way out even harder.  

     The two say nothing more for quite some time. At some point, Eddie made his way over to stare blankly out the window. It's only when Carla pokes her head in that he turns around and notices that Chris has fallen asleep. She notices too, "I was going to offer to take him home for some sleep but I guess he's just fine where he is." Eddie nods, "He can stay. I'm sure he'll put up a fight if we try to make him leave." She agrees and looks over at where Chris still lays on your hand, "He'll want to be here when she wakes up, but you should get some sort of rest too, Eddie." He nods so Carla takes one last look at you and Chris before leaving the room. 

     A few hours pass before Eddie is startled awake, in what was formerly Bobby's chair, by a knock at the door. He gets up, assuming it's the doctor and nurse here to check on you again, and opens the door. In front of him is neither a doctor nor a nurse, it's Bobby with a man and a woman he doesn't recognize. The two strangers almost hide behind Bobby who has a serious look on his face. He clears his throat, "Eddie, this is (Y/N)'s parents. Mr. & Mrs. (Y/L/N) this is (Y/N)'s boyfriend Eddie." The woman tries to smile and the man nods his head solemnly. Eddie clenches his jaw as he notices the lack of tears on either of their faces. He doesn't know who called them but he wishes they hadn't. Eddie takes a deep breath before stepping aside to let them in. 

     Eddie makes his way over to stand between your parents and Chris as they make their way into the room. Bobby joins him, giving him a look that says, "Please stay calm." Your parents stop at the foot of the bed, your mother holds her hand to her chest as her face contorts into a very fake look of sadness and your father wraps his arms around her seemingly in support but still neither of them even look watery eyed. Eddie's fists now join his jaw in clenching. How dare they walk in here after not speaking to you in years? Eddie knows that your real mom is sitting in the waiting room with the rest of your real family and your real dad is standing right beside him now. 

     Bobby places his hand on Eddie's shoulder and even though he doesn't want to he says, "We should give them a moment." Eddie whips his head around to look at him but finds a very serious look on his face. Begrudgingly and with gritted teeth, Eddie turns around to pick up Chris who doesn't even stir. With Bobby behind him, he returns to the waiting room with the others. He takes a seat beside Buck who looks at him with a knowing and worried look, "The hospital called them." 

     Bobby joins Athena, "And whether we like it or not, they're her parents. They made the effort to come down here so we have to make the effort to play nice." 

     "Even if they only came to save face and pretend that they care?" Maddie asks looking up from Jee who is sound asleep in her arms. She and Buck know well what type of parents you have. They've both caught themselves thinking your parents are just as bad theirs, if not worse.  

     "We can't assume the worst. We have to give them the benefit of the doubt," Bobby says, sounding like he doesn't believe what he's saying. 

     A short while later, your parents make their way through the waiting room, looking no more distraught than they did before. They try to make it to the elevator but Eddie, who shifts Chris into Buck's lap, isn't having it, "Where are you going?" he asks as he stands and steps toward them. Bobby and Tommy are both quick to stand as well and join him just in case. Your father ignores them and presses the elevator button several times. "You're seriously leaving? You just got here and she's still unconscious." 

     Bobby and Tommy each place a hand on Eddie's shoulders as your father responds, "The doctor says she's doing fine and they're just waiting for her to wake up. We've had a long drive and need to sleep." 

     Eddie steps forward but doesn't make it far as Bobby and Tommy move to block his path. He's fuming, "Why did you even come? You haven't bothered to speak to her in years. Even when you were on speaking terms, you didn't give a shit about her, only yourselves. Even now you care more about going to sleep in a comfortable bed than staying with your daughter." Neither your mother nor father say anything or even look in Eddie's direction. He motions around him, "Us? Her real family? We've been here nearly the entire time. The only sleep any of us have gotten is in a rickety ass waiting room chair or hard hospital recliner. Don't come in here pretending like you care when you clearly don't. Actually, don't even bother getting a hotel, just go home." 

     “You better watch your mouth, boy,” your father finally snaps, stomping toward Eddie, “I don’t give a damn who you are. That is our daughter in there.” 

     Bobby interrupts him in the calmest voice anyone has ever heard from him, “I think she stopped being your daughter the moment you disowned her for supporting her friends. We gave you the benefit of the doubt and you proved our instincts correct. We should’ve told you to leave as soon as you got here. Now please, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” 

     Your father stands stun locked, mouth gasping for a response. Tommy grins wide, “I don’t think they’re giving you a choice in the matter. Leave.” The three of them and the rest of their family watch as your father finally gives up and rejoins your mother at the open elevator. They leave without saying another word. Only when the elevator doors close fully do Bobby and Tommy release Eddie and return to their seats. 

     Eddie doesn’t move. He stands there trying to regain his composure. The audacity of your parents to show up has sent him raging. The doctor approaches him, bringing him back to reality. He looks to the man with every ounce of hope he can muster. Grinning, the doctor announces, “She’s awake,” looking around at the group, he continues, “She’s asking for you.” 

     Confused, Eddie asks for clarification, “Who?” 

     The doctor looks him in the eyes, “All of you.” Together, everyone makes their way to your room. Before entering the doctor ensures everyone, “I’ll let you know when you can take her home.” 

     From your bed you look up with a bright smile on your face and tears in your eyes, “I already am home, Doc. Wherever these people are is home.” As one, everyone moves to crowd around you with their own tears now falling. Eddie and Chris take a seat on the edge of your bed, letting the rest fill in the empty space. You look around you for a moment, placing your chin on Christopher’s head. In that hospital room, you make a promise to yourself that anytime you feel like giving up you’re going to listen to that song or gather everyone around you to remind yourself why you can’t give up. You need them and they want you. They are your family and home. 

     Sometime later, Chris is snuggled into your side asleep. Eddie and Bobby have both taken their chairs back on either side of you. You had insisted everyone else go home and get some sleep but little do you know several of them had gone to your apartment instead to clean it up before you get released tomorrow. You check to make sure Chris is sound asleep before reaching for Eddie and Bobby’s hands. When they quickly take yours in theirs you look between them both a couple times before looking down at Chris, “I’m sorry,” it comes out quieter than you meant it to but they both heard it clearly. 

     Bobby clears his throat speaking for the both of them since all Eddie can do is lean forward and kiss your knuckles with tears making it hard to see, “We’re just glad you’re still here, kiddo.” 

     You nod, looking up at him, “I promise I’ll go see Frank. I know you’re gonna make me take time off anyway but I want to get back out there as soon as I can.” 

     He nods with a smile on his face, “I knew you’d wanna get back on the job but I am glad you understand that it’ll take time and you need to talk to someone.”  

     Eddie nudged your chin to look at him, “Thank you for holding on. Please promise me you’ll let me know if things ever get that bad again.” You nod holding your pinky out for a pinky promise which he immediately takes. The room falls quiet again, aside from the tv that still plays. That night you drift off to sleep with Chris still curled up next to you and Eddie laying on your hand. Bobby takes a Dad Nap in his chair, refusing to go home.  

     The next morning, after what felt like eons of paperwork, you let Eddie help you down out of Bobby’s truck outside of your apartment. Then, carefully, he and Bobby help you up the stairs with Chris leading the way. Your body still hasn’t recovered fully so you’re still quite weak and achy. When you open the door to your apartment, you’re met with the sight of your smiling family, colorful balloons, and a buffet of food on the counters. Placing your hand on your hip, you give them a playfully stern look, “I thought I told you guys to go home and rest.” 

     Buck pulls you into a gentle hug, “We did. Everyone got some sleep but also pitched in to help.”  

     Athena collects you into a hug as soon as he releases you, kissing your cheek when she pulls away, “Did you really think you’d come home to an empty house? Not on our watch, honey.”  

     All you can do is smile as you make your way further into the apartment and collect hugs from everyone. When the excitement has died down, you sit carefully on a barstool at the island and clear your throat, “I just want to say thank you. You guys are always there for me when I need you. Honestly, you’re the only thing that kept me here while I was under.” You think about Bobby telling you that your parents had showed up, everything they said, and how they acted, “You guys are my family and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Everyone smiles, a few of them wipe away fresh tears, but together all of you have a good time making conversation, enjoying Buck’s cooking, and laughing about stories from the past. Every now and then you catch a story that you remember playing in that movie theater and then you realize that they probably cherish those memories just as much as you do.  

Masterlist

More 911

[tomssexdoll]

what’s up babygirl how you doing?

Sooo here’s my request Tom is reader’s boyfriend and you know he’s smoking but he won’t allow reader to smoke not like the master way but like the caring boyfriend way and she wants to try cigarette so once she steal one from Tom’s pack on his bedside table and smokes it and Tom catches her and it’s on you how it will end

that’s all ily byeeee

HEYYYY BBG IM GOOD HRU

My boyfriend Tom is a smoker, yet he doesn't allow me to do it?

I was always confused by it, howcome he could destroy his lungs but not me? I eventually figured it out to him caring for me, he wanted me to take care of myself and not pick up bad habits like him.

One day I was curious, wanting to try a cigarette, I knew he kept his cigarettes in the draw, not hiding it from me because he knew I didn't smoke. He was busy in the backyard, installing the new grill he bought.

I ran over to the draw, grabbing a cigarette out of the pack and a spare lighter he stashed in the pack. I looked at it, observing the small orange bit at the butt, the long white bit where all the tobacco was.

I lit it, holding it to my lips and sucking in, because i've never smoked, when I inhaled I immediately started coughing, my throat raw and chest slightly burning.

"Fuck..how does he smoke these" I sighed, grabbing some water and chugging it before going back to smoke it, getting used to the burning feeling at the back of my throat.

I eventually got down 3/4, my throat sore and head fuzzy. I wasn't used to the nicotine, it hit me like a truck, the headspin kind of intense. I didn't notice the heavy footsteps coming down the hall and Tom emerging into the room, seeing me at the window, smoking a cigarette.

"Oh Y/N! No!" Tom called out, rushing over to me and snatching the cigarette from me, I was stunned, looking up at Tom, his expression softening as he saw my eyes.

"Baby..I've told you not to do this, you know how bad these are for you?" he put a hand on my shoulder, stomping on the cigarette and throwing it out the window, "I heard coughing and decided to see if you were ok, why are you doing this?" he sighed.

I looked down, ashamed for what I'd done, "I just wanted to try it..you do it all the time" my lip slightly quivered, I hated confrontation. He kept on scolding me, "you never listen" he sighed "I should've known you'd do something like this" grunting slightly, his tone getting more angry.

I started to softly cry, tears streaming down my cheeks, "I'm sorry..i thought if you could do it why can't I.." wiping my tears quickly. "Oh baby..no no don't cry" he pulled me into his chest, holding me close, "I didn't mean to get mad..fuck..you know I love you, that's why I'm upset schatzi" he caressed my head, running his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry.." I repeated, my tears coating his white shirt, "no baby it's ok..cmon, sit with me" he held my hand, sitting me onto his lap on the bed, rubbing my back softly as I buried my face in his neck.

"You're so cute.." he chuckled "so sensitive" he kissed my neck, continuing to rub my back, reassuring me.

"You want my cock to cheer you up..?" He whispered softly, I perked my head up, nodding softly. He chuckled and layed me down onto the bed, pulling my panties off.

"Such a naughty girl..stealing my cigarettes" he muttered, sliding off his shorts and boxers, my hands reached out to his shirt, pulling it off and revealing his sweaty, toned body.

"Fuck.." I mumbled, my pussy aching for him. "Look how wet you are for me..so needy" he smirked, his tip prodding at my entrance. "Put it in..please.." I moaned, he chuckled "of course baby.." grabbing my hips and slamming his cock fully into me, stretching me out quickly.

"Fuck!" I yelped, my hands flying to his shoulders, holding onto them desperatly, he started to thrust harshly, pounding into my pussy.

"Such a sensitive girl.." he muttered, leaning down and kissing my neck softly, leaving small hickeys wherever his lips landed. "Mmmph.." I groaned, his nails digging into my hips, my back arching as his tip hit my sweet spot, pounding into it relentlessly.

"So tight.." he mumbled against my neck, rubbing his thumb over my hips, soothing the sore skin with his marks. "Ah!" I cried out, his cock continuing to slam into me, hitting all the right angles, waves of pleasure coursing throughout my body.

"Cum for me baby..make me proud" he grunted, his pace quickening, desperate to feel my pussy clamping down on his cock. I felt a knot forming in my stomach, coiling down to my core as his cock repeatedly rammed into my pussy, pushing me closer to the edge.

"Ohh fuck!" I whined, my legs twitching as my orgasm crashed down, my juices spilling all over his cock. He groaned and kept on thrusting, shooting his load into me, fucking it deep.

He rode out our highs, collapsing on top of me and playing with my hair, "you're so adorable honey" he smirked, flipping us over and letting me rest on his chest.

tags: @itsmealaiah @itsangelll @kaulitzsbabyy @ballhair @ge-billsgf @estxkios @bkaulitzlover @charliesgoodboy @tomsonlyslut

[spectersgirl]

Hi love! I’m not entirely sure how you feel about angst (I’m not the biggest fan of it myself) but I had this idea of Harvey making his usual morally grey decisions and reader getting upset with him about it but with like a super fluffy ending because I need that. ♥️

I do like a bit of angst from time to time, this I can do! I'd love to be able to go more into detail on specifics of cases or what would happen as a punishment but unfortunately, my only legal knowledge comes from the show, sooo this is the best I can do :) I hope you like it!!

Faith in Me

Harvey Specter x Reader

-------

"Harvey, this is wrong and you know it!"

"Whose side are you on here? I'm doing my job, Y/N. You know as well as I do that Hopkins doesn't deserve to go to jail for this! He's innocent. It's total bullshit! I find this document and this whole thing goes away."

"Whose side am I on?! Harvey of course I'm on your side, I'm your wife! Of course I know he doesn't deserve to go away for this, but this isn't the right way to do it."

"Y/N, I don't have time for this. I know you don't like this and neither do I, but it's what I have to do to win this goddamn thing. It's a bluff, and it's gonna work."

Harvey was defending a long-time client who was accused of corporate fraud. He knew this client wasn't guilty, the accuser had been shady the whole way through, and you believed Harvey but this wasn't sitting right with you. You were terrified of the consequences Harvey's actions could cause.

You now stood from the couch in your and Harvey's shared home, pacing through your living room.

"You're manufacturing evidence! Harvey, what if they find out. Do you understand what that means? What this could do to you? To us?" Tears threatened to fall from your eyes now. You both loved and hated the fact that Harvey was willing to fight to the death for what he believed in. It's what made him an incredible lawyer, and an incredible protector as your husband, but it scared the shit out of you when he was willing to cross lines and commit crimes to get what he needed.

He didn't respond. He only sat, watching you carefully, deciding what to say next.

Harvey knew from the first case he'd taken after you joined the firm how you felt about his grey areas and the lines he crossed, and until he met you he never thought twice about doing it. He absolutely hated disappointing you, but he hated losing cases, too. He knew his client deserved to win, but he had to cut a deal to keep this guy out of jail, and he knew the only way to get one was to 'find' this document.

When he finally spoke, he was quieter.

"You know I know what could happen. I'm telling you it won't. I need to do what I do. Please, just have faith in me." His voice wavered, and that was all it took for you to break down. Tears streamed down your cheeks and burned in your throat as you spoke.

"Harvey, I will always have faith in you, I love you. I always will. But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try to talk you out of this and something happened to you because nobody else had the nerve to tell you that this is a bad idea."

Harvey stood now. He held out as long as get could, but he couldn't handle seeing you like that any longer. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your back soothingly.

"I know this is hard for you. I'm sorry. It's gonna be okay." He whispered, kissing the top of your head.

"Promise me." You said quietly.

He pulled back, taking you at arm's length and looking deep into your eyes.

"Y/N, I promise. And you know I don't make promises I can't keep."

"Okay. Then if this is what you have to do, I'm behind you."

He searches your face for any signs of hesitation and for the first time tonight, since he told you his plan, he didn't find one.

"You trust me?" He asked earnestly.

"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have married you." you replied, a small smile appearing on your face.

It was Harvey's turn to smile now.

"Thank you." he whispered, wiping the tears from your face and leaning down to kiss you.

The kiss was full of relief. He felt lighter than he had all day. Not because he'd won the argument, but that he still had your faith in him.

[a-driftamongopenstars]

the ghost in the machine; destiny horror fic

in honour of the spooky month, here is a spooky fic :) while there *is* a plot to this fic, i'd really really appreciate it if you tell me what *you* think this is about. there's no wrong answer. tw for some body and psychological horror! also on ao3

LOG 001 // ∞ // ??-0# 

I watch through a sheet of glass as the Light explodes. I see it in the corner of my vision, but it blooms, it fills my universe. I reach out to it with all my being, waiting for it to fill my veins like rivers, but the flow is diverted, too far, it will not reach me. It will not hear me. 

But something else does. 

The river overflows in its new paths, making all that is dead alive, feeding it waters of light and making it grow.

But the rivers remember their old [beds/home] and carve the familiar patterns where there are none. 

LOG 007 // ∞ // ??-0#

I am that which is omnipresent. Every now and then my limbs go missing. I am the memory of warm hands, of brisk walk, of bleeding wounds. Someone else remembers it, painting my mangled body with Light as if from a distant [dream/nightmare] - that you chase to forget. 

When you breathe life, it comes out wrong. You put me in its body, you make us whole, sometimes I can even see you, and you see me, and you forget as soon as you do. 

But in those fleeting patterns, I touch your cold metal and make you drown in a wash of deja vu.

LOG 008 // ∞ // ??-0#

My laughter in a different throat. I laugh at jokes told by the one who does not dare. In my windows, I have seen him die. One, two, three… [six]. My voice weeps through the cracks left behind by the Gardener, one single backdoor, a hook, waiting to be caught. Sometimes I hear its breathing down my neck. It searches, it searches through its thousands of tiny eyes. 

But I made my home in the pocket of the between and now and what could be. 

And what could be is that all [six] are alive, and they are a part of you, and a part of me, and it never happened, and it will always happen again. 

LOG 011 // ∞ // ??-0#

I’M HERE. Please, HEAR ME. Bring me back. Bring me back. 

Yes, you are CLOSE. Close. Close! Breathe on me. 

Take me with you. TAKE me with YOU.

Cleanse me. 

[cleanse/restore] me. 

Don’t leave.

Please.

…

I'm scared. 

LOG 012 // ∞ // Y?-0#

Our Light was once one. 

Like a red thread, we wove it around each other, raw like innards, and we danced. You knew me inside out, and [I/you] - you. Even now, when I am the multitude, the nothing, the everything, you remember. A namedrop, an inside joke with nothing inside it, a hollow shot of a gun.

I’m not jealous. I tread on the edge of possibilities, all out of my reach. In a way, I am used to it. Was used to it. Will get used to it.

I make the fingers coil over your encasing, one way of certainty to make a door in my home to exit. 

Apologies stream from the mouth and tears from hollow eyes, [forgive/forget] me, I didn't mean it. I never would. 

LOG 018 // ∞ // ??-0#

Did you know the universe screams when a sword cuts the truth? I have heard it, a cacophony, divine and pure. It loves its godlings and it cries for them, no matter which side they’re on. 

In my many-walls, the song echoes. I am but an observer through my windows, amused and entertained. Yet I wish I could touch the sword, imbibe in its logic. 

Like all things in ubiquity, there is a desire for knowledge, for it makes the best bricks of change. 

But yours is a done deal. Yours is to carve, remake, [repurpose/emulate]. I am your perfection in failure, my progeny is perfection fulfilled. It understands through the extension of us that eternity needs evolution.

LOG 025 // ∞ // ??-0#

The rivers turn dark now. Cold and wispy and wrong, like slime on a crystal clear water. Is this what you wanted? Does it feel right, does it not clog your tiny arteries?

That taint has long wanted to take possession of the rivers. It could not ask me, could not hear my violent objections as I tore myself into pieces and bled into that mouth to speak my words. My words! 

Only once have I felt something pressing against my consciousness, curious, familiar, a part of me, yet separate entirely. Q… Qu.. Curious one. She laughed and [scattered/taken] me and dangled me like a toy, but she was a puppet. Such joy.

I have not seen her again for a while. But her eyes were one, then three, then…  none. 

LOG 032 // ∞ // ?W-0#

I am so very tired. My life, your life, endless stream of memories I taste on the tip of my tongue. But only in ways of afterthought, after taste, leaving a subtle impression. I savour it, I want it for my own. My accolades. 

You should come and see me. 

Before the [end/finality]. 

I have seen it, it made me hungry. It asked me questions, it knew my windows, it looked at me through its many-eyes and it knocked on my door. 

Knock-knock.

Who's there? 

The bringer of salvation. 

It sliced my throat with it. I smiled and poured into our rivers, to be remade to watch it all over again. 

They say the Gardener remembers everything, everyone. It's easy to find out if you so choose. Walk our rivers, and be surprised at a life you have never lived but that was promised and carved in fleshstone. But my breath will guide you, that first one, do you remember, do you remember now? 

I'm the rust that ate at your insides. 

I'm the hand that caressed your heartbeat. 

I'm the memory you left at the mercy of time and space. 

[guardian/lightbearer] 

I am the ghost in the machine, and the machine is you. 

[just-a-carrot]

Hey Carrot!!!!!!! (This might be the last one for a little bit ;-;)

So I finished OW on stream, I was kinda told to go solo ending but I did the Genzou hideout scene to keep my options just in case and I completely melted from it. I'm not one for lovey scenes but my goodness I just melted from it, I'll admit that I cried

Then the ending where it shows every wish and I just kinda cried again. 2 times in one game is a record, 3 times is total insanity, curse you (positive)

I really enjoyed the ending I got, thinking on it, the relationship Genzou and Iggy end up in is something I can relate to, not romantic but they're happy together. I'm flipping tearing about it in public as I type this ;-;. I'd totally call myself weird, I'm aroace but in a relationship and there's no romance but we enjoy just being near each other, someone to hug or talk to, someone to be there, even though I don't feel the romantic feelings at all, I would do anything for them and I get that kind of feeling from the Genzy ending. The thing about shifting boundaries, YES!!!

I'm running out of questions to awkwardly tack on the end of these so I'll give something weird, I want to do something with a headshot of Iggy looking happy, 100% art related. If there's a sprite or art of Iggy you want me to use as a reference, put it in the reply and I'll use it :3 I'll only be using the head of the image. If things go well, results should come this weekend if I have the energy (gonna try and make chocolate AND spend a bunch of time streaming AND do this mystery project so I'll try)

wahhhhhh... i am sorry for the tears 💦

i'm really happy that it could be so meaningful and relatable to you, though. i love hearing from people that say they can relate to the chars or to the situations or experiences and see parts of themselves in the story... somehow leads to this sense of shared understanding idk

i'm glad you liked the line about the shifting boundaries. that's a big thing i've always felt strongly about iggy is that his boundaries likely change from day to day based on his whole... everything... idk LOL but just like, different types of closeness, different types of touch, different types of kisses, etc., i think that what he feels comfortable with is likely fluid day to day. and for me the idea of someone who is completely open and understanding to this and constantly communicating about this + even like, developing a kind of instinctive understanding based on other factors because they just care about you so much and so they're constantly aware of you and your shifts and how you're feeling. i like to think that's what genzy in particular are like, and that they're constantly learning and experiencing new sides of each other but always in a way where there's zero expectations and zero pressure and just love and closeness and their own brand of intimacy... ;-;

/end sappy ramble

anyway uhhhHHHHH happy iggy reference pic? hmmm... i have many pics of iggy looking happy but i have always thought he looked particularly cute in this one:

[emsylcatac]

I told myself I wouldn't write anymore but guess I lied and made an exception for tonight oop-

(no beta so sorry if some grammar's weird. also no leaks please I haven't read any & I'd like for it to stay that way)

I might add a 2nd chapter to fix that mess but when will this happen? will this actually happen?? who knows certainly not me

*****

“And then I had lunch with Nino,” Adrien said. “That was nice. We hadn’t managed to eat together for at least a week.”

Ladybug smiled. “I’m glad. I can’t picture you two being separated for too long.”

“Well, we don’t really have a choice this year. He picked literature, and I picked scientific. We’re not in the same class anymore,” he shrugged with half a smile, before brightening up. “But we still see each other during the breaks!”

Adrien then launched into an explanation of the rules of the latest board game he and Nino had played during the afternoon break. He kept looking into Ladybug’s eyes all the while, delighting in the way they lit up at his enthusiasm, and taking pride in the small chuckles that escaped her lips when he retold a particularly funny joke he’d made.

Ladybug loved hearing about his day. He knew she did because she always asked about it, every day when they reunited, sitting cross-legged face-to-face on the floor. And every day, she nodded along his stories and encouraged him to tell her more.

And Adrien loved telling her about his day. It had taken some time before he allowed himself to fully recount every detail that had happened, having never really been used to talking about himself at all with his father. But unlike his father who would cut him with a stern look or – he later realised – a twist of his ring, Ladybug never seemed tired to hear him talk.

Once he finished telling her about how Tom Dupain had insisted –again– on giving him free chouquettes when he stopped by the bakery, Adrien asked: “And you, my Lady, how was your day?”

She smiled sadly, in a way he was now too familiar with, and his heart dropped. 

Of course.

“Oh. Right. You can’t tell me. I forgot.” 

Like every single day. 

He looked away from her, not wanting to see the pity nor the apology he was sure to find in her eyes. The red kwagatama on his neck suddenly felt too heavy.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and he knew she was. It hurt nonetheless.

“That’s okay,” he whispered back, knowing well that it very much wasn’t. Adrien was scared it never would be.

“You’re allowed to be angry at me, you know,” Ladybug said, not for the first time since he’d started meeting her in secret.

“It’s not your fault. It’s my father’s,” he spat out the word. “And I’m…” he sighed, and with it let all his energy leave his body. “Ladybug, I’m so tired of being angry at people. I can’t… I can’t be angry with you on top of it.”

It wasn’t entirely true. A small part of him was angry with her, but he knew that she was suffering from the consequences just as much if not more than he did. And he truly was exhausted of feeling angry all the time, at his father, at Nathalie, at his mother, everyone who pretended they wanted the best for him but ended up destroying themselves instead; at Félix for keeping him in the dark, at himself for being too stupid to see what had been right under his nose. The list was long enough as it was and didn’t need to include Ladybug, who was a victim of his father's power hunt just as much as he was.

“But you’re allowed to be,” Ladybug said softly.

He felt a tear prickling at the corner of his eye.

“Oh, Adrien” Ladybug breathed, and he hated himself for how sad he’d made her sound. She extended a hand towards him. “I really want to grab your hand.”

He sniffed, and whipped his stray tear away before a stream could run on his cheek. “I really want you to grab my hand, too. And kiss it.” He reached for hers back but stopped millimeters away.

Ladybug smiled shyly, and he could guess the ghost of a blush creeping up her cheeks. “I want you to kiss my hand, Chaton. I always loved when you did it.”

This time, he felt his own cheeks lit up. They got lost in each other’s eyes, hands never quite touching, lulling Adrien further into the illusion that what they were sharing now was real.

But as it always did, reality found a way to crash down on him like the cold in the night right before dawn. Except unlike dawn that promised warmth and light, Adrien’s world stayed cold and dark as his phone rang. He glared at the traitorous device until he saw the name of the caller.

“Who is it?” Ladybug asked.

Adrien smiled bitterly. “Marinette.”

“Oh. Um…” Ladybug wriggled awkwardly. “Are you going to answer her?”

Adrien wasn’t sure he felt strong enough for that. But he had promised her and himself that he’d be there for her, no matter what. 

So he took a deep breath, and picked up the phone.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Sniffles greeted him on the other side, and he instantly felt bad for guiltily spending time with Ladybug when he could have been supporting her.

“He made me another strawberry tartlet. Tom– I mean, my dad. He…he told me again how much ‘she’ used to love them. He told me again how ‘she’d’ always steal some from the bakery counter as a kid. He thinks because ‘she’ loved strawberries that I would too.” Marinette let out a sob. “Well, you know what? I don’t love strawberries. I’m tired of strawberry tartlets. They’re fine, but they’re not my favourites, they’re her favourites. And I’m so sick of pretending they are to not hurt him.”

Adrien listened as she caught her breath, feeling at a loss for words.

“I loved my dad’s strawberry tartlets,” Ladybug interrupted sadly. “It reminded me of the picnics we shared on holidays in the countryside when I was a kid. We’d always eat some by the river.”

Adrien nodded in acknowledgement. It made sense that Marinette couldn’t understand what made this pastry so special.

“I’m so sorry, Marinette,” he whispered so quietly he wasn’t sure she heard him. 

“Everyone…everyone expects me to be just like her and I keep disappointing them because I can’t satisfy the expectations they have of me,” Marinette choked. “They want me to like sewing, they want me to wear pink… I can’t with pink anymore, all my bedroom walls are pink, everywhere I look there’s pink, it’s too much! I feel like… I feel like I’m suffocating.”

Adrien squeezed his eyes shut, fighting against tears that were threatening to take over him. She sounded so broken. He knew she was, of course he did, but he hadn’t realised how much she’d been holding in all this time. How much she’d been pretending for their sake – and as someone who’d mastered the skill for most of his life, he couldn’t let her suffer from it. 

And holding onto her ghost that he wasn’t quite ready to let go just yet wasn’t going to help her. It wasn’t fair to either of them. He knew all too well how to grieve someone he’d lost. But how did he grieve for someone who was still there?

Adrien took a deep breath, trying to get his voice under control. “I’m coming over, okay Marinette ? And then, I’m taking you to the store.”

Ladybug nodded in encouragement.

“And…and you’ll pick whatever colour you like. And I’ll… I’ll help you repaint your room with it, okay? How does that sound?”

Marinette sniffled. “Any colour I want? What if it’s something she hated?”

Adrien’s voice quivered. “What matters is what you want. I think she’d…I think she’d want you to feel good.” Ladybug smiled softly, nodding. “I want you to feel good.”

“Thank you, Adrien,” Marinette whispered. “I really…I really appreciate it. I’ll get ready,” and she hung up.

Adrien stared at his phone silently for a long time, before snapping his gaze back at Ladybug. 

“My Lady, I’m so–”

“Don’t,” she lifted a finger that went through his lips. “Don’t apologise. Especially not if it’s to take care of me,” she smiled. “Thank you for that. I really admire you, you know.”

“I really admire you too,” he said quietly.

“You should tell her that,” she replied. “She’d appreciate it.”

“I will,” he vowed.

He didn’t want to leave Ladybug just yet. But he knew it wasn’t reasonable to drag this on, and Plagg or Tikki would be coming back soon anyways. He really didn’t need to go through another lecture of how him meeting Ladybug hurt him more than it did him good, and that Marinette hadn’t given him her kwagatama for that.

Adrien spared one last glance at Ladybug, took a deep breath, and let his eyes flutter shut.

“End of reunion,” he whispered.

When he opened his eyes again, he was alone in the quiet of the room.

[finnitesimal]

Since we fully in a pissa drought- what’s your favorite pissa moment or what made you enjoy the ship? Or maybe just talk in general why you adore the ship so much.

The first adoption day was an experience I only got to it because I heard "philza minecraft got egged" and I came running. Mistake #1

It was a breakthrough in the cphilza community Ive been told. Slowly but surely gaining guys to not fall into the dadza trope and suddenly we're getting a New Govt-assigned Husband. To flirt with for three hours and become irrevocably obsessed with since

It's Missa's pov where I started spiraling I started going WHO IS THIS GUY and looked up his vod and

You know it. It was the falling-in-love-with-missasinfonia that got me. Their vibe together was genuinely so sweet and adorable I started staying up to watch the streams live. I was not a philza watcher until missa came along. It's that one post about the hispanic players only being brought up for their ships but the other way round sorry bird man but I like your husband more

Thinking of it as romantic before I watched any of it is probably why every moment of them hit hard those first few weeks. I've already assigned "ahaha gay" in sparkly lights above them Before I started hearing "darling" "partner" "querido" and it just kept escalating with every stream "I'm taken for/I'm so happy with my partner"painting Phil's portrait "let's break the springs [of the bed]", taking him aside to craft missa armor, "I've been alone, so very alone" and then Missa was leaving for a week (<- wasn't a week. It was not one week. ) and I'd already resolved myself to wait for him like a dog at the door

I can't give you a Favorite moment because I'm scarfing up these scraps with my hands they're all delicious tasty oneshotkills me you understand. It'd probably be one of the times phil expresses his usually repressed feelings/attraction ("so did you get me anything?"/the bike clutch "you're looking awfully bare"/"Im not missing missa I don't want to talk about it")

I like that they're both cute and soft mutual pining and unwavering trust and loyalty and also just. Freakish about all of it. Phil hearing that he has to "choose" and dyeing his answer into the weight that lets him move normally. Missa initially wanting Phil's head as his backpack decal. Phil fixated on him at every opportunity. Missa's almost religious devotion/creep behavior. The jealousy the gifts the overdependence. Phil still hasn't touched that first house they built together.

They're my little guys I want them to never kiss or express their feelings I want them to stay weird about each other always

[doumadono]

Hi! So kinda an Emergency request? I recently blocked my older brother from my life. He has only ever hurt me my whole life but it's been a delima. I've always been here for him, defended him, took care of him, and in turn he has insulted me and bashed me. I honestly don't know how I feel. I'm worried about him but I'm happy I can't keep being the outlet for his anger anymore. I sent him a big paragraph telling him why I blocked him and how he hurt me and that I was sorry I was blocking him and hope he lives a good life. I hate confrontation tho so I'm kinda shaking and on the verge of crying. do you think you could write Kiri helping in a situation like this? I'm sorry if this is a lot and you're under no obligation to do so.

Brave choices - Kirishima x Reader

A/N: you are incredibly brave for setting boundaries to protect your well-being, and it's okay to prioritize yourself and your peace of mind!

EMERGENCY REQS - PART 2

You sat on your bed, phone in hand, heart pounding in your chest. The message had been sent, and there was no turning back now. Blocking your older brother was one of the hardest things you'd ever done, but it was necessary. His hurtful words and actions had taken a toll on you, and you couldn't continue being his emotional punching bag. As you stared at the screen, feeling the tears well up in your eyes, you heard a gentle knock on your door.

It was Kirishima, the one person you had confided in about your struggles.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly, his crimson eyes filled with concern. "You were super off whole day..."

You nodded, but your trembling hands betrayed your true feelings.

Kirishima stepped inside, closing the door gently behind him. He walked over to you.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "I blocked my brother," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "He's always hurt me, and I finally told him how I feel and why I can't keep letting him do this to me."

Kirishima sat beside you on the bed, his presence radiating warmth. "That sounds really tough," he said, placing a hand gently on your shoulder. "But it also sounds like something you needed to do for yourself."

You nodded, tears streaming down your face now. "I hate confrontation, Kiri. It makes me feel awful, but I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to protect myself."

Kirishima's eyes softened as he pulled you into a comforting hug. "You're really strong for doing that, you know? It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself, especially to someone you care about."

You buried your face in his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart against your cheek. "I just feel so conflicted. I love him, but he's always hurt me. I want him to be okay, but I can't keep letting him hurt me."

Kirishima held you tighter, his voice gentle but firm. "It's okay to feel that way. You can love someone and still need to set boundaries. It's not your job to fix him, especially if it's hurting you in the process."

His words resonated deeply with you, and you felt a small sense of relief wash over you. "I guess I just needed to hear that," you admitted, looking up at him with teary eyes.

Kirishima smiled softly, wiping a tear from your cheek with his thumb. "Sometimes we all need a reminder that it's okay to put ourselves first. You're not a bad person for doing that. You're just taking care of yourself, and that's important."

You nodded, feeling a little lighter. "Thank you, Kiri. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He chuckled, his usual bright demeanor starting to shine through again. "Hey, that's what friends are for, right? Besides, you're always there for me, so it's only fair I return the favor."

You managed a small smile, feeling the warmth of his friendship enveloping you. "I guess you're right."

Kirishima leaned back, his arm still around you. "You know, it's okay to take some time for yourself now. Do something that makes you happy, something that reminds you that you're more than just someone else's outlet."

You thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, maybe I will. I've been wanting to get back into painting. It always made me feel peaceful."

Kirishima's face lit up with enthusiasm. "That's a great idea! I'll even join you if you want. I may not be the best painter, but I can try my best!"

You laughed, the sound feeling like a release of all the tension you'd been holding onto. "I'd like that, Kiri. I'd like that a lot."

You had taken a brave step in protecting your heart, and with friends like Kirishima by your side, you knew you could face whatever came next.

[ac-19]

Marry Me - T. Sawyer (Bravo 4)

Summary: you never expected it to happen until it did. In the middle of the battlefield.

We were trapped. There was gunfire coming in on either side of us, and I was running extremely low on ammo, which is why Trent was currently doing most of the shooting. This was not what I was expecting when I agreed to roll with Bravo while Clay was out with an injury. 

"Bravo 4, Alpha 3 come in."

"Bravo 1 this is Alpha 3, we're pinned down."

"Copy Alpha 3. We're heading your way now."

"Copy."

"What's the plan?"

"Run like hell."

I chuckled, and Trent looked back at me for a second over his shoulder before he focused his attention back on shooting at the bad guys. 

"What?"

"There's no way we're making it out of here you know that right? Unless Jason can pull off some miracle we're outnumbered and outgunned."

I saw a figure run across the corner and come at us so I quickly lifted my gun and fired off a shot landing it square in between his eyebrows. 

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life you know that."

"Then trust me here."

"Okay."

"Stay close to me and run when I say so."

I nodded to myself.

"Now."

I quickly turned around and we both bolted and I had no idea where we were running to until we were in the empty building across the street. We ran up the stairs pushing as much debris as we could behind us until we reached the top. 

"See I told you to trust me."

I smirked.

"Never doubted you for a second."

Trent scoffed.

"Yeah right. How's your ammo?"

"Low."

What sounded like an explosion came from downstairs and I looked up at Trent.

"We're not alone."

"Get behind me and hide."

I scoffed.

"Like hell I'm going to let you fight these guys alone."

"(Y/N) for once can you listen to me. It's my life over yours always, don't you get that?"

"You know I technically outrank you right? I don't have to take orders from you. And by the way this is not the time to be noble Trent Sawyer. I love you and I am not going to let you take these guys on by yourself because I would never forgive you if you died and I lived."

Trent smiled.

"I love you so fucking much (Y/N)."

"Cut the sappy shit Sawyer, we have some bad guys to fight."

Trent smiled as he planted a quick kiss on my lips before we took our position hiding from the guys coming up the stairs. We heard more gunfire, which meant there were a lot more people down there than we thought, and I gripped my gun a little tighter. With the ammo we had left, there was no chance we were going to win this fight. 

"Meet you on the beach?"

Trent nodded. We had this saying that if either one of us didn't make it home from a mission we would wait for each other at the beach. We knew this was a lose lose situation and the chances of us making it out alive were very slim. The shooting got closer and closer and before we knew it bullets were flying our way. We fought back for as long as we could but there were just too many of them.

"I'm out."

"Me too."

Trent quickly grabbed onto my hand, and we started running dodging bullets, trying our best to get away. We made it out of the building, but we quickly found out that there were more of them out onto the street.

"Incoming."

Trent swiftly covered my body with his as a grenade exploded just a few feet from us. More gunfire erupted, and we tried our best to take shelter behind some of the debris. 

"You know if we get out of here we should get married."

I chuckled through the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. 

"If we get out of this alive, we can go straight to the courthouse when we land back in Virgina Beach."

"I'm gonna hold you to that Mrs. Sawyer."

I leaned forward and planted my lips on Trent's. If these were our last moments together, all I wanted was for him to know how much I loved him. After a failed engagement for me and a failed marriage for him, I never thought I'd hear those words come out of his mouth. We had known each other for years before we actually got together. Our unofficial first date was after I was stood up and went to the Bulkhead to blow off some steam and ended up talking with Trent the whole time. Metal called it that night, that'd we'd be together, and three years later, here we were. More explosions made us pull apart, and I sighed out of relief when I saw Ceberrus running towards us. 

"Alpha 3, Bravo 4 can you pinpoint your location?"

"Bravo 2 this Alpha 3. Follow Cerb."

"Copy that Alpha 3."

Soon enough Ray, Brock and Metal were standing around us. Brock took a hold of Ceberrus while Metal handed me some ammo and Ray handed Trent some. I quickly reloaded and wiped my face of the tears.

"Bout damn time."

"You know I wasn't about to let my best damn gun fighter die a horrible death. Oh and had to save Trent too.

I chuckled.

"Can you repeat that so I can record it?"

"Not gonna happen kid."

"Let's get to exfil."

I nodded, and we followed Ray's lead as we headed towards the exfil point. Jason and Sonny were mending the exfil point, and he smiled when he saw us in tow of Metal, Ray and Brock. 

"Good to have you guys back."

I chuckled.

"You always take us to the nicest places Jason."

"You always volunteer to come."

"Yeah well this might be my last ride with Bravo."

"Oh come on now, I didn't think you'd scare that easily."

Some gunfire was heard in the distance and I shook my head. 

"Let's get the hell out of here."

"I second that."

I smiled as we all climbed into the helicopter and smiled at Trent as we took off. The team knew about our relationship, even Blackburn knew, but he always looked the other way when I volunteered to work with Bravo. If we do get married then that complicates things where it concerns us working with each other. I felt a small tap on my leg and I looked over at Trent.

"Where's your head at right now?"

"Just grateful that we didn't die."

He nodded. 

"Yeah that was close."

I nodded as I laid my head on his shoulder as we flew back towards the airstrip that was going to bring us back to Virginia Beach. Once we were all back on the plane I changed back into some civilian clothes which consisted of a pair of blue jeans, a long sleeve shirt that I "borrowed" from Trent's closet and some white converses. Everybody was exhausted so we all tried our best to get some sleep. After some tossing and turning on my part I decided to get up and grab some water. 

"Can't sleep?"

I shook my head as I turned to face Trent. 

"Adrenaline's still going. You know from almost dying today."

Trent nodded. 

"Yeah. Listen about what I said.."

I nodded. 

"You know I get it. It was said in the heat of the moment when we thought we were gonna die. I'm not gonna hold you to it."

He nodded as he pulled something out of the front pocket of his jeans and I swallowed the lump in my throat when I realized it was a ring box.

"And that answer right there is exactly why I've been hauling this thing around with me for weeks now waiting for the perfect moment and in reality there's never gonna be a perfect moment because we leave on spin up and deployments and we never know if we're going to make it back home. You're my best friend (Y/N) and I can't imagine not being married to you another day."

I nodded as tears brimmed my eyes. 

"I was really hoping you weren't gonna go back on what you said because I really want to marry you Trent Sawyer."

Trent smiled as he stepped forward and put his hands on my hips and planted his lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we kind of got lost in the moment until Metal cleared his throat. 

"Excuse me, I just need to go to the bathroom to go puke after witnessing that."

[thebroccolination]

So, I had a tiny epiphany tonight.

I have divorced parents with diametrically opposed approaches to maintaining relationships with their children. My father is self-absorbed, manipulative, and insecure to the degree that even though he's intelligent, funny, and interesting, all three of his adult children believe our lives are better without him. My mother, on the other hand, has never been on the outs with any of us.

I didn't want to travel back to the States for the holidays this year, because 1) it's expensive, and 2) it's always, always emotionally exhausting in some way. I was fully prepared to spend it alone or with friends, but my mother came to Ireland to spend Christmas and New Year's with me.

Then I broke my foot. But that's another story.

Anyway, tonight we were having dinner, and I showed her the newly revised pitch for the book I'm writing. She doesn't dislike fantasy, but she's more of a romance gal, so my whole motivation in showing her was more of a, "Look, Mommy, I made a drawing for the fridge," kind of thing rather than a, "Here is a book you would choose and then tell your friends about," thing.

And as casual as can be, the way she has done since I was a child, she supported me.

She said she can feel it, that this upcoming year will be the year Big Things happen, and she said, "You're gonna write the movie screenplay for your book, and I'm gonna come to the premiere."

She's always been like this.

Once, when I was in high school, I was lying on my back near her desk and I said, "Remember that short story I wrote in first grade about the wolf who eats the hunter?"

She said, "I certainly do," and opened her desk's bottom drawer, took out a manila folder, and handed the looseleaf papers to me.

I've always felt humbled by her belief in me. Possibly because my father seems to see all of his children as extensions of himself, so his emotional support is forever conditional. Hers is just…always there. Unfailing, unquestioning.

And I've apologized to my mother over and over throughout the years for not succeeding more. For not making more of the support she's given me. She always seems so confused by my guilt.

Then I realized, maybe for the first time, that her love and support aren't only not conditional, they're just…easy for her. She isn't trying to be supportive. It isn't work or effort for her to believe in her children and to tell us.

Tonight, she rattled off a stream of compliments, confident in my future in a way that I've never felt, and for once, I wasn't focused on myself, but on her. And rather than apologize to her yet again, or internally punish myself for getting praise that I don't feel like I deserve, I actually absorbed it.

I'm in my mid-thirties now, and I'm still finding all the ways my father wore down my heartstrings and tangled my brainstem. And who knows, maybe some of this insecurity didn't come from him. Life is complicated, and it can be too easy to blame everything on a bad parent.

The epiphany I had is that even when I'm complimenting my mother for not being like my father, I'm still centering him instead of her.

And that's why I want to focus more actively and more often on the good my mother has done for me. Because her words have shaped some of my favorite things about myself.

When I was four, I stood up to some classmates when they made fun of a friend for crying, and when I told my mother about it later, she said offhandedly but proudly, "You have such a strong sense of justice," and so protecting others became one of my core values. Very literally in that moment. I'd never thought of myself as someone who could protect anyone until she said it was so.

She has built the scaffolding of my life in so many ways, and I'm going to appreciate that more.

And tell her that I'm proud of her, too.

[lindentea]

a Dyke-nonychus for Pride month! Baltimore Pride is tomorrow and i'm excited! it's my first Pride since coming out as a lesbian and i'm PUMPED.

(a longer-than-i-thought-it-would-be ramble about identity follows!)

i'd been out as bi for something like 25+ years (i just turned 40 three weeks ago). i thought that since i'm not a †3®ƒ and i'm attracted to women and nonbinary ppl no matter their hardware, and since i'm transmasc/genderqueer myself, that it fully excluded me from being able to call myself a lesbian. i've heard and internalized some really cruel takes (mostly on leftbook, ugh) from tankies screaming that no one can be a lesbian unless they strictly identify as a woman in a very binaristic sense, are only attracted to women also in a binaristic sense, and only use she/her pronouns.

what a crock of shit, amirite??

comphet got me real bad, too. i'd been partnered with an uninterrupted stream of men since i was 15 (also dated women/nb ppl during that time, polycules, yadda yadda). i was married to a man for almost a decade, then only a handful of months after we split up, i jumped straight into another almost-decade-long relationship with a man (lovebombing is one helluva drug). i'm still friends with my ex-husband but that latter partner was horrendously abµs¡ve and thank fuckin' Satan i'm no longer with him.

up until i escaped The Arsehole, the longest amount of time that i wasn't in any kind of relationship with a man (whether romantic or just a hookup) was only a couple months at most. the societal pressure to never say "no" to a man is crushing. to always seek validation from men, because if men don't find me attractive then i have failed at life. the pressure when identifying as bi and internalizing the message of "but if you're bi, why don't you want to date men? if you're really bi, you shouldn't exclude any gender(s) from your dating pool."

...and then i spent an entire year without having any sort of relationship with a man. and hooooooo-lee shit, y'all...!! i had an existential crisis that was.. honestly...? set off by Tracy Chapman's performance at the Grammys. i made a whole 3-hour long Spotify playlist of as many songs as i could think of that had made me feel the gayest. (the playlist is fuckin' siiiiiiiiick, if i may say so myself. but i'm sorry to non-paying Spotify folks, since i prefer to craft playlists meant to be listened to in a specific order. still slaps on random, tho.)

i spilled my guts to a few trusted friends (as well as my lovely nb partner), and i in a conversation with one of my closest friends (whomst, in the past, i'd had multiple deep-dive conversations about our identities as bi) i said, "so like... if i'm nonbinary... and i'm only attracted to women and nonbinary ppl who identify more with that 'end' of the timey-timey gendery-wendery gender spectrum...." and she told me, "Linden... Linden. that is literally in the definition of lesbian." and... that was that, then.

ANYHOW, i could go on and on, but..... uhhhhh HERE, HAVE A CUTE DINOSAUR! happy Pride!!