#i always have to make the little gay people in my computer kiss

[beeehiives]

Scars

Healing together, bandage changing, and boys kissing

Steve stays with Eddie in the hospital, after everything. He watches him breathe under the sterile, too-bright lights of the room, and reminds himself that he's alive.

His own wounds are light in comparison, his neck taking a few raspy days to heal up and his bat bites lightening to pinkish healing tissue in no time.

It takes Eddie two excruciating days to wake up, and when he does he's all groggy and confused.

He lays a hand over the extensive bandages covering his torso and croaks out a weary "made it, huh?"

Even with bleary eyes, messy hair, and furrowed brows, Steve still thinks Eddie looks beautiful. He holds his tongue.

It's only after Eddie's released from the hospital under strict guidelines not to bother his healing wounds that Steve realizes how deep his damage goes.

Steve volunteers to help Eddie around the house - his shifts at Family Video have been put on pause as the whole town repairs itself from the "earthquake" a few weeks ago - and Eddie still needs help with activities that require lifting his arms; getting dishes down from the cabinet, changing his shirt, even laundry.

Steve catches glimpses of it in Eddie's cagey behavior. He makes him close his eyes when he changes Eddie out of his shirt, only letting him look when he's cozy in his pajamas.

He'll refuse completely when Steve offers to help him wash his hair or face, changing the topic as quick as he can.

It comes to a head when the doctor starts letting Eddie change his own bandages at home if needed - his healing is coming along steadily and Eddie keeps complaining about making the trip out just to get poked and prodded at.

Still, he's supposed to have help. The bandages go all the way around his torso, and Eddie's still not supposed to be twisting around.

Eddie tells Steve that Wayne always helps him out with the bandages, so no need for him to worry. He tells Wayne that Steve's been doing it.

One night, Wayne's at work and Steve's at the new Munson Residence (thanks, government hush money), working on cleaning that night's dinner dishes.

Eddie darts by him, having grabbed fresh bandages from the hallway closet and making his way to the bathroom.

"Whoa, dude, you changing those?" Steve stops washing the bowl in his hand. "Shouldn't you wait for Wayne?"

"I'm not--It's fine, really." Eddie says quickly. Steve puts the bowl down and faces Eddie, drying his hands.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be doing that by yourself."

"It's not that big of a--"

"Eddie," Steve says, firm. "Let me help you. You could seriously hurt yourself."

Let me help you. Let me take care of you.

Eddie looks stuck between a rock and a hard place. He's gone too long without changing them, since the last time he did it he got lightheaded and had to sit on the floor of the bathroom, hunched over in pain with tears stinging his eyes.

"Fine," It's barely a whisper.

They awkwardly shuffle to the bathroom, Steve rolling up the sleeves of his sweater and Eddie fiddling with his rings.

"Okay," Steve says. "I don't mind looking away to help you change. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I've gotta look to do your bandages. How does Wayne usually do it?"

Eddie shifts uncomfortably. He's not sure what to do with his hands.

"I don't--He doesn't, really." Eddie says quietly. "I don't want him--anyone to see. What I look like."

Steve's heart sinks. He feels guilty for not realizing how this was affecting Eddie sooner. He wants to reach out, to take the feeling away. He tries for words.

"I've got some too." Steve reaches for the hem of his sweater. He lifts it enough to show the remains of his bat scars, still healing but well on their way to becoming scars.

"Oh, and--" Steve continues, parting his hair on the left side of his head to reveal a thin, white scar. "That one's from a plate to the head. Fun times."

Lastly, he moves the neck of his sweater over to reveal a circular, purple scar just below his collarbone. It's old, clearly. The wound looked like it had been deep.

"There was a thing that happened at the mall, before it, uh, burned down These guys were interrogating me, and I wasn't giving them anything, so, you know," Steve makes a vague gesture. "Knife time, I guess."

"Can I touch?" Eddie whispers. He's been silent this whole time, staring at Steve like he's seeing him for the first time.

Steve nods, moves to take off his shirt, and lets Eddie feel his way around his scars. He closes his eyes when Eddie gently runs his fingers through his hair to inspect the scar Billy had given him.

Eddie's hands drop to his stomach, gently tracing over the bat bites, moving their way up until Eddie closes his palm over the scar near Steve's collarbone, causing him to shudder.

"I just--nothing could make me think, could make me see you as anything other than--beautiful," Steve breathes. "I want you to know that."

Eddie nods. His gaze is unreadable. He holds his palm over Steve's chest for a few seconds before stepping back.

"Could you take this off?" Eddie gestures to his own shirt. Steve nods, grabbing it by the hem and closing his eyes before lifting it.

Once it's off, Steve puts it on the countertop, keeping his eyes shut. He feels a gentle hand on his face.

"You can look." Eddie says. Steve opens his eyes to see Eddie's eyes, lovely and wide, staring up at him with trust.

"May I?" Steve asks, reaching for Eddie's bandages. He nods. Gingerly, Steve removes the layers of wrapping from Eddie's torso. Eddie has moved to steady himself on Steve's shoulder.

Once they're off, Steve makes eye contact with Eddie again, checking in.

"Doing okay?" At Eddie's nod, Steve takes the new bandages and wraps them around, having to step closer to fasten them behind Eddie's back.

All finished, Steve starts to move back. He's stopped by Eddie's hands on his waist.

"Thank you," Eddie whispers. He's leaning closer. "Hurts much less with you doing it."

"I'm glad." Steve manages. His gaze is glued to Eddie's lips. His heart is pounding.

Eddie's the one that crosses the boundary, kissing Steve with gentle fervor, hands wrapping around Steve's waist.

Steve breathes out like he's been suffocating, bringing his hands up to cup Eddie's jaw.

Between tongues and panting breaths and beating hearts, Eddie breaks away for a few seconds to manage: "Do it for me every time?"

Eddie heals a little smoother after that.

-+-

Smooch smooch thank you for reading, as always feel free to submit a fic/ficlet request via my bio (•‿•)

[pawnshopbleus]

These Are the Days Two - And the Rest is History

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader High School AU

For the summary, warnings, and more please visit here

Previous Chapter

The softball field at Lakeview is - to put it nicely, a piece of shit. The field is uneven, the grass almost never gets cut, and the bleachers have millions of spiders living in them. It’s not like the school doesn’t have the budget for it. They do but the pitch still looks like this because Principal Orangebottom could care less about girls sports even though they win more than the boys. 

The horrible conditions of the softball field don’t keep them from winning. In fact, it motivates the girls to win even more. Hours and hours of practicing on a field that can be only described as hell teaches them teamwork. 

Having a team that can overcome anything is what makes Abby’s job easy. No matter what, she can always count on her girls to get her through anything. Right now, Ellie was getting Abby through a particularly grueling session in the gym.

“So, about the new girl. She seems nice. A little quiet but nice,” Ellie said as she handed Abby her bottle of water. 

Abby was intrigued by what she saw in you. She remembers when she first saw you, your figure blurred by the stainless glass window in your bedroom. In the blink of an eye you were gone, but not from her memory. The U-Haul in your driveway gave her all the information she needed. You were new to town and she hoped that you would go to Lakeview. It’s always been a fantasy of hers to become friends with someone who didn’t know who she was, the daughter of Bellevue’s esteemed surgeon, Jerry Anderson, and the girlfriend of all-American football player, Owen Moore. She just wanted someone to treat her like a normal human being rather than just some accessory. 

And when she first spoke to you she knew her prayers were answered. 

“Yeah. I sit next to her in history. She's pretty smart,” Abby nodded along. 

“Do you think she’s gay?”

That stops Abby in her tracks. The not-so-simple question that always leaves her perplexed. What does it mean to “be gay?” one might ask. Abby asked herself that question multiple times. Not because she is gay but simply because she'd like to understand it more. 

Abby looks at Ellie, confused. “Number one, It’s none of my business. Number two, why does it matter? And number three, I’ve only known that girl for two weeks. It’s not like she’s gonna tell me something that huge in such little time.” 

Ellie shrugs and grabs her gym bag. “Just curious.”

“You know what they say about that cat.”

“What cat?”

Abby rolls her eyes and gets off the weight bench. “Never mind.”

In the library, you’re hunched over a math assignment. The thinly lined paper is filled with tiny holes in obscure spots from your constant erasing. No matter how hard you try to study, math just isn’t your strong suit. You’ve always been jealous of people who simply have a knack for it but their constant bragging about how “easy” math is gets on your nerves. 

Jesse laughs a little too loud which earns him a glare from the librarian and her assistant. His chortle breaks you out of your math day blues. He turns his phone around to show Dina a video and she just shakes her head. 

“Why are you on Youtube shorts? The only person I know that willingly watches YouTube shorts is my four-year-old cousin and he can barely read.”

“That’s because he’s four!” Jesse yells. The realization of his mistake is automatically recognized as he turns around and apologizes to the librarian. She simply glares at him and returns to her computer.

“You two fight like an old married couple.”

“We get that a lot. Sadly,” Jesse nods.

Dina scoff, “Sadly? As if you’d ever be lucky enough to get with this.”

Ellie swaggers into the library with Abby by her side. The evidence of their workout being their glistening skin and their athletic clothes clinging to their bodies. 

Ellie sits down in Dina’s lap and kisses her on the cheek. Dina holds her nose and tells Ellie that she needs to shower. Abby smiles at the exchange, happy that her best friends were lucky to find each other. What Dina and Ellie had could never be replicated. 

The thought of Owen and her becoming an IT couple scared her. There’s too much responsibility when it comes to being the couple everyone looks up to. You have to hold hands all the time, make out in the hallways, be with each other all the time. That honestly sounded like a chore that Abby wasn’t willing to do.

“I’m having a little get together at my house this Saturday if you guys would like to come. It’s a little beginning-of-the-year celebration. There’s gonna be booze, chicks, weed, video games, pizza, and salad if you’re into that vegan stuff,” Ellie declared. 

Dina looks at you, “When Ellie says ‘little get together’ that means that the entire school is gonna be there.” 

You gulp. You’ve been to parties before but those parties had max twenty people. This party sounded like it was going to be one of those parties you only see in movies. 

“I’ll be there,” you say. 

It would be good for you to get out of the house. Staying home and doing nothing was starting to kill your social skills so some time partying like a normal teenager would be good.

As Dina, Ellie, and Jesse debate on whether or not Jesse could jump from Ellie’s roof and into her pool, Abby leans in and whispers in your ear, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I’ll make up an excuse for you if you’d like.” 

“No, thanks. I really should get out of the house more. The silence is killing me.”

“Tell me about it. My dad’s at work all the time so when I come home it’s just me and Alice, my dog.”

Abby doesn’t seem like the type of person whose parents would neglect her. She’s so kind and vibrant, the complete opposite of you. Maybe she had the type of parent that tried their hardest to stay present while still working hard shifts. Or maybe she had parents like yours. You hoped that she didn’t. 

Ellie gets off of Dina’s lap and grabs her duffle bag. She taps Abby's shoulder who reluctantly gets up from the table. “Let’s go, Abs. We gotta talk to the coach before we go to our next class.” The two of them wave goodbye before exiting the library. 

Your eyes linger on Abby for a little longer than they should. To an outsider it would look weird but you knew your intentions were innocent. The mysterious aura that she carries makes you want to just look inside her brain and learn everything that there is to know about her. 

In history, Mr. Miller makes his dramatic entrance and sits down at his desk in the front of the room. His glasses sit at the tip of his nose. He looks at the class over his circular framed glasses making him look like a cheap version of Harry Potter. 

He takes out another stack of papers from his messenger bag and starts handing them out. Students sigh or laugh with glee as they see their recent test scores. Mr. Miller quizzed all of you on what you’ve learned from previous history classes. It didn’t really matter grade wise but some people still took it seriously, like you. 

Mr. Miller reaches your desk and hands Abby her test first. Then he slides your test face down across your table. Your heart drops. In previous classes, teachers only did this if you did horrible on the test. You reach to flip the test over with shaky hands. Your fingers feel the paper under their tips and with a deep breath, you flip the test over. A perfect score and a note that says ‘see me after class’ are written on the front of it.

You nearly collapse with relief as Mr. Miller leaves your table with a smirk on his face. He must get a kick on almost giving his students a heart attack. 

You glance over at Abby and see her glaring at her paper before shoving it in her backpack. Her right hand keeps clenching and unclenching, almost as if she had an invisible stress ball in her palm. 

“Are you okay?” you ask, hand almost going to touch her shoulder but she jerks it away. Your hand makes its way back to your side, embarrassment taking over. 

“Fine,” she says. 

After class, Mr. Miller waits for all the students to exit the classroom minus you and Abby, that is. You look at her in your peripheral vision. She’s manspreading in her chair, her leg is bouncing up and down, and her hand is still clenching and unclenching. You wish you could help her but she seems like she just wants to be left alone right now. 

“Now, I asked the two of you to stay behind because both of you were on both sides of the spectrum when it came to the test.” 

Mr. Miller says your name in a way that can only be described as proud, “She got a perfect one-hundred while you, Abby, got a ten. It would be good if you were going for gold, but unfortunately, I want you to pass my class and stay on the softball team. So, I propose the idea that you two get together once a week and study.” 

He claps his hands together, “So, what do you think?”

You look at Abby for her response but she just stares at the space in front of her. 

“Fine,” she grunts. 

“I accept,” you say. 

You’re a little hurt that Abby isn’t more excited about this. Granted, she got a ten on a test but she has the opportunity to better her grades. If this were you, you would be jumping up and down and kissing the person who was so willing to help you…Okay, maybe that was a little much, but still. You’re going out of your way to do this for her so more than a grunt would be nice.

Mr. Miller smiles. “Great then. I look forward to seeing how both of you do on our next test.”

Abby rushes out of the classroom, leaving her pencil behind. You snatch the pencil and run it to her, your backpack bouncing up and down as you run down the hallway. 

“Abby, wait up.”

She slows down but doesn’t stop. Your frantic running turns into more of a fast walk as you catch up with her. 

“You left your pencil.” 

You hand her the simple number two pencil. She thanks you and continues to walk. 

“So, umm, when do you want to start?” you ask, hoping that your question doesn’t strike a nerve with her. “Monday,” Abby replies. 

You nod, already planning out how you’re going to tutor Abby and still make it on time for your - that's right. You have absolutely nothing else to do. This is going to be your life for however long Abby needs you.

You watch as Abby’s baby blue ford pickup truck makes its way out of the empty parking lot. You wave goodbye as the truck skirts off. 

Until Monday, Anderson, you think to yourself, your hand still waving to the empty abyss that is the Lakeview student parking lot.

Next Chapter

Taglist: @soupycloud

Thank you all so much for reading!

[polaris-stuff]

*destroys the door*

You.

Do you have any ships with sun ? I want to know them.

I don't need sleep I NEED ANSWERS

Ohhohoho, I have, dear anon 😎🤏✨

Let's make a little organized list so this post doesn't look so disastrous lol

Sun x Eclipse (SunChips): The first ship I saw and loved in this show. Sun and Eclipse are so similar to each other; they both went through horrible times thanks to Old Moon, they both wanted their own bodies, and I dare say that if the show had taken another route, Sun and Eclipse could have been friends talking about their traumas and Old Moon being the cause of them 😔 OG Eclipse was always defending Sun in a way, killing the government agent who threatened to decommission Sun, wanting to rebuild the world so that July 16th wouldn't happen again, facing Old Moon when Sun couldn't. Idk, it's like a enemies to lovers with extra steps and slow burn XD💖💖💖

Sun x Spaniard: EHEM. HEAR ME OUT. It is no lie to anyone that Sun was in daycare most of the time, even when New Moon or any other family member was not there, but do you know who was always there accompanying Sun? The computer, Spaniard. Also, Spaniard asking Sun for a body? That blew my mind, I was like WOAH!! He wants to kiss Sun! Hehehe ✨

Sun x Solar: Oh, the tragedy of being the spitting image of the person your lover lost. Sun helping Solar to heal slowly, making him understand that he is not a monster, what happened is not his fault, Solar just wanted to live 🥺💖 Plus, man, Solar would be so sweet and nice to him, lowering his voice to talk to him because Solar knows that Sun doesn't like it when people talk too loud. Kissing Sun's hands and hugging him when Sun is having too much anxiety 😔💖💖

Sun x Bloodmoon: oh boy, Beauty and the Beast but the Beast does act like a beast. Idk, imagine Sun seeing the BM twins being so gentle with each other, caring so much about each other's well-being, I feel like Sun would think that they're not really that bad, yeah, they're murderers and all that, but it's not their fault either, they were programmed that way; After all, BM really likes the calm.

Sun x KC: HEAR ME OUT PART 2!! When Old Moon died, I love to think that Sun ended up living with KC for a couple of weeks just because KC was the only thing left of OM. And of course, KC knew that but if he could help Sun feel better, he would gladly do it, he owed it to OM.

Sun x Dark Sun: man, I love selfcest. Dark Sun doing his whole plan to, idk, help Sun? That's so gay. Dark Sun really cares about Sun and wants to push him to his full potential, that's so beautiful. And gay.

And I think that's it! I can't remember any more at the moment but if I do, I'll edit this post 💖✨

[positivelybeastly]

Would you be willing to get into some of your partners’ views on your mutation? It seems Trish was less than supportive and Brand saw it as pretty normal but sexy; but they’re not the only people you’ve had relations with. What about Vera? Alison? Cecilia? Simon?

"Trish was . . . hrm."

". . . I'll step in, to talk about this one."

"Patricia Tilby was - is a strong willed woman who fights for what she believes in. Ostensibly, those things are justice, freedom of information, and civil liberties, including mutant rights. She believes in honesty and transparency."

"Patricia Tilby used classified information on the Legacy Virus that she obtained from the Muir Island computers to leak the news to the whole world that the Virus had made the jump to humans. This led to an immediate spike in mutant hate crime, and at least five fatalities that we know were at least indirectly linked to that news report."

"Patricia Tilby claimed not to be unnerved by my appearance. Patricia Tilby broke off our relationship because she was worried about what other might think about us. About what I actually am. About my current status as a living being. About what I qualify as now. About what I - "

Hank took a deep breath.

"Patricia Tilby, is not as comfortable with mutants whose X-genes have manifested physically as she claims, or, perhaps, as much as she likes to believe. She is not a bigot, and she is an ally to our cause.

That being said, I would prefer that she be honest, with herself, and with others, before she hurts anyone else."

". . . Vera was always fine with us. She liked us for us. I feel like we didn't leave things with her as well as we could have, and she was more forgiving than we really deserved."

"That much is true. She was far kinder to us than we deserved, considering our inadvertent cruelty to her."

The younger Hank winced a little, rubbing at the back of his neck selfconsciously, hating that he didn't have a defence for himself.

"I loved her, you know. She was . . ."

"You didn't love her. You never did. And that was always the problem. Don't be dishonest, now, I know you better than you do."

". . . Alison was always cool with us. She thought the fur was sexy."

"That she did. Abigail, too. I'd often wake up in the middle of the night to find her tracing the contours of my face, as if committing them to memory. She would just smirk and tell me she was conducting a xenozoological experiment, and then kiss me."

"Nice."

"Down, boy.

We looked more normal to her than humans, in some respects. Like the father that she seemed to care for more than rest of her family. One could be uncharitable and read something terribly Oedipal into all of that, but I never took it that way. It was - nice, to find that sometimes human prejudice is only human prejudice, and that in some respects, the rest of the galaxy is a little more open-minded. In some respects.

"Cecilia . . . do you . . . ever think we kinda fumbled things with her? I feel like . . . the fur obviously didn't bother her, and she was the one making the moves a lot of the time. We bugged the bejesus out of her sometimes, but. She liked us. Do you think . . ."

"Yes. We did. And I do think precisely that. There's a world out there where we didn't let that chance slip out of our fingers, and we're happier for it."

". . ."

". . . And Simon, for the record, was once sat right next to me while I wore an image inducer projecting what I would look like at that age in my human form, and didn't so much as look at me, let alone recognise me. I asked him about it later, and he simply shrugged and said, I quote, 'I've never known you as anything other than this. This is just who you are to me.'"

"Which was. Nice to hear. I rather like just being Hank to someone."

". . . Though he really shouldn't be included in this answer, given you were asking about romantic partners and people whom I've had relations with. Simon is neither."

"Yes. Quite."

"Exactly."

". . . We're not gay, anonymous."

"Stop showing that!"

[heymrspatel]

Macy's Tag Game Tuesday Wednesday Thursday: Fandom Edition ✨

i was tagged by @celestialmickey @metalheadmickey @tanktopgallavich @suzy-queued and @gallawitchxx thank you loves!

your name: julissa. hi!

your age: 11,998 days old - i used an excel formula for this 🤘🏼

your first fandom(s): harry potter. *sigh* fuckin' ���🙄😤 you know? but boy was i obsessed with it!

your current fandom(s): shameless! that's it. i might dip my toe in other stuff but nothing has quite had me in a grip like shameless in a while.

how did you first get into fandom? reading books and being obsessed and talking to my friends about it and making little drawings and then googling on the family computer until i stumbled upon a woooorld of like-minded people!

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? god i want to say like 20ish years now? wtf... i've just always been into something even if i wasn't active online. there was a period of time where i got overcome with life changes and starting my career where i didn't have it in me to BE online for much. but i was still very much into stuff! i've always made stuff just for me or had posters and little collectibles. idk who i am without fandom honestly. i was on tumblr for years in multiple fandoms before taking that break! then came back and lurked until you all drew me out of my little shadow.

how often do you read fanfics? asdlfkj it used to be every day, now i'm amazed if i do a couple times a week. that's sad 😔

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): ian, mickey, lip

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! oh god no

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? if so, drop a link! yes! i'm currently in a slump but hi yes. you can find them all here on tumblr orrr here is my ao3 for easier browsing!

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: oh no someone just slapped down an uno skip card. next question!

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? 3x05!!!!!!! they're digging up bones. child services is coming. fiona is screaming about gay dads. lip is ghetto married. debbie is going to drown a bitch in the pool. carl needs to know where the gay weiners go. first kisses. gunshot right in the ass. ian can explain this!

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? ooooh it's about community and acceptance and creativity and support! cheering each other on and being absolutely unhinged without judgement. it's everything? especially now. it's weird to think about? but this space literally gave me my best friends and i don't really understand how that happened, but it did and i am just so grateful. i feel accepted and loved and it's beautiful.

i'm feeling really tag shy but imagine me zooming by you and dropping a bouquet on your lap pls 💐

[objectosexual]

hey gamers, this blog is a huge WIP (and i might change the URL... we'll see) but for a basic intro/pinned post...

my name is carson, im in my late 20's, im gay and objecto. im also trans and use he/it pronouns

my main blog is @clippy + my selfship blog is @ohgodimyearning... consider this blog to be a companion to the latter (most of my F/O's are objects)

i also have a locked NSFW twitter account with similar content that can be found here (you will need to send a follow req to it tho, sorry!) -- keep in mind that it 1) doubles as a vent account and 2) does have NSFW images

this will also be a general animism/POSIC+ blog, tho please keep in mind that i primarily view those things through a lens of being romantically and sexually interested in objects... that isnt to say i want to fuck every object i view as having a soul, but wanting to fuck objects has essentially made me... aware of it, i guess. (that and im autistic so i've always had weird hyper-empathy toward objects)

my literal first crush ever was on Herbie (the VW beetle) so i have a huge soft spot for cars, but i also like other vehicles/modes of transit, robots/computers, toys, roller coasters, and buildings

i also like objectheads and i know those arent inherently an objecto/posic thing, the main one i care about is Cl*ckboy, whose design helps me Process my feelings for the real life object he is based on

^ i will go more in depth about this sort of thing in the future (i think explaining my "journey" with this part of my sexuality will help others who are "questioning" -- i used to talk CONSTANTLY about wanting to kiss cars on main and i've had ppl tell me i helped them connect the dots so. lol) but i currently am fighting w my body for energy so dont expect it soon...

THIS BLOG IS AN 18+ SPACE, MINORS PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW!

I will block people with no ages in their bio (unless i already know you)! While i will not be sharing mature images, i will 100% be sharing sexually explicit/suggestive/etc text posts.

if i interacted with your post, and you're a minor or don't want NSFW blogs interacting with you, please let me know and/or block me! i wont take offense to you asking me to delete a reblog or being blocked. everyone's comfort is my priority, and i do my best to screen OP's of posts before reblogging to my sideblogs but sometimes i forget/miss things

anyway i think that's all for now...? i will start reblogging things here ASAP i think, but just know im kinda working behind the scenes and probably wont make many, if any, original posts until im a little more settled here

[gardensof-babylon]

To him

I always say that he was just a moment in time, and I reduce the marks he left only to the ones on my body. He’s one of the only things I’m truly ashamed of. Under the surface I know the way he treated me for all those years wasn’t nothing and it probably shaped my brain - but I don’t wanna accept that. Someone as rotten as him, ugly and vile in the bones, can’t be a variable in the equation of me. I refuse. And he’s probably the reason I think often thin so little of myself, because he treated me like a doll, who’s only use was to please him , who let him do what he wanted. In those years he never took me on an actual date, or even one where he didn’t touch me. He knew we had nothing in common, he didn’t care about the things I liked or talked about. It just didn’t matter. They only mattered as a means to touch me. And he didn’t even try to hide any of it very well. But he would constantly praise himself on how much he does for me, how much time he makes - to what? To constantly have his hands on me ? To fuck me? To pressure me into jerking him off? To beg me to give him a blow job until I said yes? And not once did he treat me like a human. Yes, you were a great wonderful boyfriend you fuckface.

Oh and remember when you begged me and fought over a year to make me go on birth control? After I said i didn’t wanna have Sex anymore for a while? You twisted my mind so bad I always ended up apologizing, for being a bad girlfriend and not just being a fuck toy like you would have liked.

You refused to let me know anything about you, it’s almost like I dated a stranger for years, you know, I did. Any question I asked, you just closed the door on me.

Anything I did, I breathed, you sexualized me. I was the sweetest person on earth back then. I was so nice, naive, impressionable. Everyone tried to warn me. All of the guys. Even tho ones who were dicks. They knew.

All the times you would tell me you’d hurt yourself if I left, the time where you broke up with me and then for a year refused to let me live my life, kept me on the hook. I have never fought with anyone before. You made me act like an insane person so bad, I started googling the way I was acting- borderline.

I never said such bad things the way I said them to you. And I don’t think I’ll ever reach that level of anger and split so bad like I did back then. I was the picture of borderline. I was so ashamed- I thought I was the one hurting you. But you made me crazy. You mentally abused me everyday for a year and didn’t let me leave, threatened me you’ll kill your self. I tried so hard. Just to end up in a relationship with you again, getting back to the abuse.

It all happened all over. You touch me, I say no, you touch me anyway, I push you away, you laugh, push me into the grass and put your hand around my neck and keep kissing me. You laugh.

You touch me, I say no, you take out a condom, and I take it out of your hand and throw it across the room. Because I knew that would keep you out of me.

You laugh.

You are a spawn from the depths of hell. How are you not ashamed?

And I defended you to anyone who tried to say anything against you - for fucks sake I was defending the most disgusting things you did on the daily. And you wouldn’t even admit to your boys I was your girlfriend?

I was nothing to you, you didn’t love me, no matter how much you claimed you did. The fact I’m gay doesn’t matter. I loved you in my own way. Not in the way you wanted, or I wanted, but I did kinda. In some twisted, small way. But you didn’t even give me the honor of human decency. Hell, you loved your computer and Mountain Dew more than me. You loved your socks more than me.

You are the beginning of the darkest creeks in my soul, you are the worst thing I ever experienced.

I don’t often wish upon people suffering really bad things, but for you, oh god I hope life gets you good.

Sincerely,

M

[spy-7]

Chapter 2 : During My Relationship And Coming Out Story

Me and my girlfriend would try to met up at my school. She already graduated high school so she didn’t to go but she always had an appointment every Tuesday that was near the school and she would come early. When I get to school I get there around 8 am. My school starts at 9 am but I had internship that time so I didn’t really had to go since it didn’t count as a class. So we would go on dates before me going to school. We would eat breakfast at this small restaurant near by and we would go to the store and we would most of the time just find a spot to sit and talk, kiss, and cuddles. 🥰 I missed those times. After that I would have to go to school. When I graduated high school it was hard to go out since I had strict mom. So now that we got this far now is time to talk about my coming out story. I was basically had no choice in this situation because I would be on the phone with my girlfriend every day and I would hide that I was on FaceTime when my would come in my room. One time she came in and she was really curious what I was doing on my computer. I was on zoom with my girlfriend so I hide the tap and put a game tap. My mom saw the game but she didn’t believe me so she try taking my computer from me and I didn’t let go I was too scared for her to see my girlfriend. We was going back and forth with the computer and she ask is there something you want to tell me. My mom always been asking me if I liked girls or boys. And she mentioned this question in the conversation so I said I like both. This conversation was scary. She was just upset but try to be calm but mostly upset and try talking to me about how I’m confused and explain to me why I was probably confused. And would mention the Bible of course. During this conversation my girlfriend hang up. It been a rough week since then since my mom would bring this conversation again she be confusing because she wants me to like boys but at the same time she keep saying it’s my choice and that I’m 18 and do whatever I want. She says it’s not what she thinks you do what you want if that makes you happy. But I know that she wants me to like boys so it’s hard what to do in this situation so I just listen and go to my room when the conversation finish. Also I forgot to mention I have a gay brother but he much older and he lives with his spouse and she treat him good. But her excuse was that his dna shows it and there nothing he can do about it. 😑 Back to my relationship my mom got to talk to my girlfriend through FaceTime but I haven’t told her she my girlfriend so she know as my friend. we planned to go out to the park across the street from my house. So I had to ask permission to go which was difficult because she didn’t want me two and would think the worst so when I was on the phone with my girlfriend and I bring my mom to the room so she can talk to her so my girlfriend can ask her if she can take me to the park. It was a little easy because my don’t usually turn down people since she show her nice side but when it’s me she give me excuses. She said yes so we got to go to the park.

That’s the end of this chapter. Continue in the next chapter.

[angelinechastain]

the first chapter of my book called Before Us

I killed her. I fucking killed her. The glass went through her skull. My life feels ruined, it feels like I’m losing everything, like my friends. I basically dropped my full love to travel across the country to live somewhere else. This feels illegal. I miss them so very much. But I’m Nerezza, hi and this is my life. We just moved to LA from New York City, and this is the worst thing ever. I hate this. I fucking hate this. I know it's two big cities and it's for my own good, I know it's for the people who hate me. They hate me because they think I killed Gemma. It wasn't my fault. Or at least that's what they want me to think for my “mental health”. But I really think that they just want me to stay sane at this point. I hate the fact that I felt like everyone seemed to hate me. 

Well, except for my friends, Ollie, Jack, Lexis, and Henry. They stuck with me during our last few months of sophomore year. I'm in junior year now, and I can't deal with the fact that they aren't here with them. I miss them and it's been too long, it's been like two weeks since ive seen them in person. I miss them so much. I call them every  day. I’ve known them for around 1st grade,  and they have been my best friends ever since. 

Moving is one of the worst things in the world. It's the worst thing in the world. I have no friends here, nobody but my family to comfort me, sure I’m close to them, but I need someone other than three guys, (even if two of them are gay, and very sterotypical sometimes) I need a girl to hang out with. Like even at home, I was friends with three guys and a girl. Henry, Jack, and Ollie are the sweetest guys in the world, but I definitely would have gone psycho without Lexis around to keep me sane. I hope she stays sane without me.

 And of course I loved the boys, but they were like an extension of my brother at times, like, we were all at lunch and someone yelled at me that I was a “murdering bitch”, Ollie and Jack held his arms as Henry used the guy as a human punching bag. I honestly have no fucking idea howe they got away with that. Maybe it's because they are rich and white, I mean their dads were like part of the royal family at one point. Like that shit. 

Me and Gemma had the best relationship, I definitely had a crush on her, but that's not the point. We spent all our time together. And I loved that. I loved the fact that we were so close. She always smelled like vanilla. The smell always calmed me. It makes me feel like I'm floating, like I'm not really here, that I'm somewhere else. The fact that it all happened so fast and the fact that person just had to drive drunk and hit us, killing her. Killing the person that I loved forever. Forever and always. I just can't. He tried to apologize, but there's no apologies for stuff like that. 

I now live in la, without anyone to beat someone up for me. They helped me with my room to help with the adjustment to La. My bedroom is white theme, white sheets, paintings with light colors, white desk, with books on it, pictures of me with my family and me with them, I was on henrys back, while Lexis was on Jacks back, and Ollie was in the middle of us taking the picture. I have an arm around Henry and I'm holding Lexis’s hand. Lexis and Jack are dating and it's quite obvious in this picture. She was kissing his cheek and he was smiling so big. God, I miss them. There's a white wicker chair as the desk chair. I have pictures on the wall. Like in a heart. All of me and my friends. I have a bookshelf filled with romance books. There are white curtains around my beds. They are clear and have little gems. I always spray vanilla perfume in my room to make sure it never smells bad. I hate dirt and bad smells. It's really just a pet peeve I guess.  

♡

I let out a sigh as I lay on my bed, I'm on my stomach, when I lay on my back I feel fat, and I mean ya I'm plus sized, but that's nolt the point. I'm on my computer, scrolling through youtube, trying to find something to make sure I won’t die of boredom. Kurtis conner videos, Danny gonzalez videos, and a couple other random people that I don't know, or really care about. There's nothing to do without friends here. Like I love my brother and my dads, but daddy doesn't have time to hang out with me, he’s out at work, and I get it. He runs his own fucking business. But still and dad, the model. I am a nepo baby. I will forever know that, I hate when people try to deny it, because we are. It's just me and Ryan in the house currently and I really like that. It's just fun. 

I decide to call Henry, I open his contact, and I realize that we’re in different time zones. I look it up, 3 hours apart, they are ahead. It's 10 right now so I could probably call. I tap the call button. He picks up immediately. “Hey” he prolongs the Y in the hey.

“Hey I miss you guys” I say looking at his facial features, he looks better in person. 

“Just a sec” he says as he starts clicking on his phone. He adds Ollie, Jack, and Lexis to the call. It takes a couple seconds to get them on the call. 

“Heyy” they all say in unison. 

I smile at their jinx. “Hey guys. I miss you so much,” I say. 

“We miss you too,” says Lexis. “I cant tell you how much I cant deal with hanging out with just boys all the fucking time” she puts the phone on her vanity as she ties up her long brown hair. 

“Are you getting ready for basketball?” I ask as I look at my walls. I should really hang up some pictures. It would make it so much better. 

“Yep” she says as she goes off camera, presumably to put on her uniform. 

Lexis is really into basketball since like 8, she's always trying to get on varsity. And she's always on it. It's been her passion forever. We’ve always gone to her games and the fact that I can't be there for her. Our whole friend group helps her when she loses, and I'm the only one who can go into the girls bathroom when she lost the championships. The fact that I'm not with her right now, that makes me feel sad. I always wanted to support them, but now I can't. 

I smile as I think about the time at the last game I went to. “When's your next game?” I ask as I lay down. 

“Uh in two weeks” she says as she gets back into frame. 

“We will record it for you,” Jack says. 

“Thanks” I say smiling. 

“What's happening in Hollywood right now?” asks Henry. 

“Bitch I've been here for like two weeks. I can't know” I say 

“Ugh you should just know LA girl” says Ollie. 

“What the fuck did you just call me bitch?” I say sitting up, pretending to be angry for the effect of the joke. “Care to say that to my face?” 

“Fucking LA girl” sings Henrny with a big smile on his face. Ollie ecos him as he laughs

“Nobody fucking likes you guys. shut up” I say smiling at them, remembering how they have made me laugh. The way they always tried to make me laugh, and I've always loved how they are so thoughtful, the way they care about each other, and me. 

♡

We end up talking for hours and just talking about life. We ended because Lexis had to go to practice, which made me feel like I'm missing something, like I'm not there. I'm missing the way things were. It feels like I'm going to feel like I'm gonna be disconnected from them. I am going to miss them, I hope they don’t forget about me. 

I hear a knock at the door and I look up. It's Ryan. “Hey” I say as I look at my computer. I open a tab and I start to look up the snake google game.

“Hey bestie” he says as comes and sits on my bed. 

“What the absolute fuck did you just call me?” I ask him as I look him right in the eyes. 

He laughs a little, “Never” he says smiling. I put up the middle finger at him. “Oh my gosh” he says “so rude” he puts the back of his hand to his forehead, he pretends to faint on my bed. 

I push him jokingly and I say “Shut up oh my god” he laughs and turns on his stomach. 

“Dude what are you doing?” he asks as he turns my computer to see my search for jobs. “Job? You do know we don’t need those.” hs says to me. 

I roll my eyes and say “We’re gonna need them in the future”. 

“Stop being responsible, making me look bad” he laughs as he looks at my computer screen. “How about this one?” he asks, clicking on a link. 

I look over his shoulder for a listing of a babysitter for a family with 4 children. “I can't do that!” I wine. “There's too many kids,” I say, trying to wiggle my way out of this one somehow. 

“You like kids though?” he asks as he looks up at me. 

“Ya but I was thinking more like I don't know, like mcdonalds” I say, “easy shit”. 

He sighs at me and says “dude just stop, like do it. Al”so what about karens? Don’t they yell all the time, report you all of the time. That’d be the worst. Don't you think?”  He pushes me a little.

“Fine, fine, I'll do it” I let out as I rolled my eyes. 

“Here “ he says as he clicks something and it’s a listing for a babysitter. The family looks like a really rich family, they were paying 35 dollars an hour. There has to be a catch, but do I care, not really. I just want that money. Like a normal person. 

“Fine, fine.” I say smiling at the screen. I scroll down to a description. I know that this might be unsafe, but I don't care, I really want the money. 

Babysitter wanted 

We have two kids (2,4). A boy, Jamie (4) and a girl, Alex (2). We are looking for a high school aged student. There aren't any allergies. We live in LA, this job will only be on the weekends, all day. They will need help with cleaning their rooms, reading, going to the bathroom, and bedtime. Our email is deagilo.gonzolles82@gmail.com. 

“Sure, sure,” I say as I click on the email. It has a profile picture of a bald white man who is hugging two little kids. A little girl with pigtails, and a little boy, who looks a bit older than the girl, maybe two years. The little boy is wearing a red shirt with a baseball cap. The little girl is wearing a flowery dress with a bow on the waist, she has pigtails and is holding a lollipop.  They seem so cute, I hope they're not terrible. Like they don't make a fuss all of the time. The little girl looks innocent enough. But I know the more innocent they look, the weirder they are. “What should I say?” I ask. 

“How about ‘hi I’m Nerezza and I am interested in babysitting your kids, I am 16 and I am available. I am available everyday at night, or on the weekend.’ easy as that” he states like it's so obvious. It's not. I hate the fact that he's better with words than me, I mean I know he wants to be a writer, but still. He’s just like someone that likes sports, a jock, but a smart jock. It feels like he's always trying to one up me, I know he's not. But it always feels like he is. 

“What no” I say as I look at him. “What if I want to go out with someone?” I ask. 

“Dude you're not going out with someone” he states as he looks at me with an annoyed look on his face. 

“Why not?” I question him. 

“Because, y’know. You're my sister” he says. “Just don't wanna see you dating, you're my little sister”. 

I type in the email ‘on weekends’ “there, I put in everyday” I lie. 

“Thank you,” he says, looking at me as I send the email.”How are you doing?” he asks, putting his hand on mine.  

“Fine, why?” I ask, looking at him, putting my other hand on top of his hand.

“Because of the move, I know moving has been hard.” he says looking at me with real care in his eyes. He hugs me and kisses me on the forehead. 

He always looks concerned when I'm sad. Because well he's always been this way. Protective, I guess, like a normal big brother. But our parents are always proud of him and he's always the favorite, I can tell. Just because hes got good grades and is just like always a great guy. Parents always say they don't have a favorite kid. But I feel like they are always lying. It's not his fault but it kind of is. If he wasn't so perfect they wouldn't care about him more. That's why back home, or what was home, I would sleep around. They always tried to stop me, but they knew they couldn't. I think that was the thrill of being bad. Or what I thought was bad. And of course being the daughter of a Paris fashion week model and a famous fashion designer. I got a lot of recognition of the fact that I was the “bad girl” or something like that. And I know people at the school will find out because of the press, but I want to stay as normal as possible. 

I look at him “I'm fine I promise, it's just thinking that it's gonna be hard, leaving the people that ive known forever” I say looking down, knowing if I don't I'll cry, holding back gasps of tears, knowing I wont see them as much and they will probably find someone to replace me with. Replace the idea of me, to find someone to fill the void of me.

“You’ll make new friends here” he pauses “i promise”. 

“Fine , fine” I say as I look up at him, “but if I don't, you owe me ten dollars”. 

He laughs as he puts his head down on the bed. “Other than friends, what are you afraid of?” he asked me. 

“People finding out,” I say. People can’t find out about gemma and what happened. Its just gonna fuck up my life again. I feel so guilty for something I didn't do. 

“They won't, and if they do and they care, they won't after I talk to them, promise” he says. 

I laugh, “stop” I say “I don't need you to protect me anymore, i'm not twelve”. 

“Are you sure you're ok? And you’ll always be twelve to me” he  asked looking into my eyes, to try to calm me down, from all of this shit that has happened to me. 

“Yes. Yes, I promise.” he looks at me with an eyebrow up. “Seriously” I smiled at him.  

“Ok, well now I'm gonna go hang out in the living room, if you're sure” he walks to the door and stops. “Oh and by the way, my friends that I just met a couple days ago at the senior party.” he looks at me. 

“Ok,” I say. “Wait”  He looks at me with a bit of confusion. “What are their names?” I ask, looking up at him with questioning eyes. I wanna see if they have cool names. I ju​st wanna judge them before I know them. Like any sane person would. 

“ Ty  and Louis, they are twins” he says as he walks out of the room, I watch I’m as he closes the door, the smell of him still lingering somewhere. I grab the vanilla perfume. I spray it around my room, not because I don't like the smell of him. It's just that I like the smell of him, I just like vanilla better. He always smells like weather sweat, because he plays lacrosse, or he smells like lavender, I really like the smell, or a mix of both. By the way, it really smells like shit. I hate the fact that he has to smell all the time. 

Once he closes the door, I run to the window and open it. I open one of the desk drawers as I grab the box of cigarettes and the lighter. I crawl out the window and I sit on the roof, I look out as I get out a cigarette and light it. I put it to my lips and suck lightly. I put my head back as I blew out the smoke from my mouth. I smile as it calms me. I look down at the street that's below the house. I watch the cars speeding by. I smile at how rich the cars look. They are all white or some flashy colors. They’re still pretty, of course. But they are still rich. All the things that have happened in the last 6 months come back to me as tears form in my eyes. 

I let out a sigh as I put the cigarette to my mouth, I inhaled lightly and let the smoke out. A tear falls from my eyes, I put my head down and I wipe the tears from my face. I keep smoking the cigarette as I cry at the fact that my life feels like it's falling apart, like I just can't. I had to move across the country to keep my life safe. I had to move from my friends and the people that I’ve known forever. I just hope that I can make some friends and make people like me. I let out a sigh and I looked to my right. There's trees surrounding the pool and I smile at the fact that there's a bigger place where I live now. I look to my left to see the rest of the house, with a big roof and another floor of the house.

I lay down on the roof and I lifted my leg to put it down on the roof. I look at the sky and I smile at the sky. The sky is so blue and has clouds floating around, there's one that looks like someone singing with a microphone, which I find really cool.I’ve been smoking since the crash, it's been months and i've just been hooked. My dads don't know of course. Well cause they wouldn't like it of course. But right now I just don't care. Theres just so much going on right now, so why the fuck not. And ya know fake IDs and shit. But I digress it calms me, knowing that I will always have this thing in my pocket. 

Once I'm done with the cigarette, I climb back into the window and I dust off my ass. I put a mint in my mouth and I sprayed my body with body spray to get the smoke smell off of me. I set down the bottle as I walked to my bed. I let myself fall onto the bed. It feels like I'm laying on a cloud. I close my eyes and I think for a second, about random things that I feel good about. Like how when I'm with my brother, family and friends. About how the school will be. I hope that I won't be the outcast of the school. I just hope it won't happen to me. I’m entering my junior year and I don't know how it’ll go. I hope it’ll be fine,

 ♡

Ty  Sounds like a nice name, seems like someone that I could get along with. But Louis sounds weird, I don't know, just gives me bad vIbes.  Ty  Sounds cool, Louis doesn't. Maybe it's just me, but that's just my opinion. I just don't see the point of naming your child Louis. It's such an old name. Like king louis the 4th. Just sounds wrong. I mean you do you I guess. But I don't know. I'm just very jugey I guess. I can admit that i am. 

I opened my school schedule, to see all of the easiest classes I could find to sign up for. I chose German for my language this year, since I already know some of it. I smile to see how many frees I have. I didn't take art this year because I don't know. And it's just boring. I feel like I should, I don't wanna fail. I look up the school to see what it looks like, it's really big. Like huge. It has a huge cafeteria, library, and locker area. 

I look for my own, not knowing what my locker number is. They all look nice, the whole school looks so nice, nicer than my old school for sure. The lockers are super big and tall. They are all in a line outside of the class rooms. I love all of the school, it's also the outside that's really nice. It looks like Niagra falls, just without the waterfall. Its so fucking buetiful. There's a forest that surrounds a little wood house that has a little door. Presumably for little kids. It's a private school from preschool to senior year. So that's fun. There's a little quad that has benches and chairs. It has tables with chairs surrounding the tables. 

 The campus makes my old one look like a fucking dump. And that was like one of the fanciest places in the area. I think I will love this place, maybe. Just maybe. But it might be betraying my old friends and home by maybe liking this place. But maybe, just maybe it’ll be ok. I hope so. I really do. 

I get up from the bed and I walk to the shower and I turn on the shower. I let out a sigh as I got undressed. I closed the bathroom door and I feel the water, still cold. I go to the mirror and I smile at myself.  I get my phone and turn on the music. The song “Power” by Little Mix plays. I connect it to the speaker in the bathroom. I grab my hairbrush and I start to brush my hair as I dance around a little bit. I open my drawer and I grab the cleanser and my toner for after the shower. I grab the scrub and the razor. 

I put them down on the bench before I do anything. I then get in the shower with the razor and scrub. I let the hot water run down my body for a couple seconds before I start to wash my hair. I grab my shampoo as I close my eyes to let my fears go away with the water. I squeeze the shampoo out and I scrub the shampoo into my scalp. It smells like roses and flowers. I let the water go through my hair to wash out the shampoo. I grab the conditioner and I put it on the ponytail of my hair.

 I grab the soap and scrub it on my body, the soap smells like lavender. I love the suds on my body. I wash off all the soap from my body and hair. I grab the razor and the scrub. I scrub my legs with rough soap. I start to shave the little hairs, they always annoy me. The scrub smells of vanilla and rose. I used the water from the shower to wash off the little hairs on my legs. 

Once I'm out of the shower I grab my towel and I rub off all of the water. I go to the mirror and I look at my face. I sigh and grab my clothes. I changed into a big t-shirt and some black pj pants that are way bigger than is necessary. But who needs nice fitting pants? I grab my phone from the bathroom counter, I turn off the music, it was playing Bigger Than Me by Louis tomlinson. I walk to my bed and sit on the bed. I let out a sigh as I looked around the room studying my surroundings. 

 I put my phone onto the bedside table and I walk to my desk and I sit down. I let out a sigh and I open my computer.

I hear a knock on the door as I start to type on a doc, “Honey” Dad yells into my room before he comes in.

“Come in” I say, not looking back at the door to see him walk in. 

The door creaks as the door opens a little. He fills the room with the smell of his pine body wash. It comforts me in a way, to know that every time I smell pine, I think of my dad. My dad sits on my bed and says “would you be interested in a trip to france for two weeks? The school offers it for all of the French students every year. Seems like something you’d be interested in,” he says as he looks at me with the warmest smile in the world. 

“Sure, that seems fun enough. It'd be good to learn” I say as I look back at my dad. There's a silence for a second. 

He smiles at me and opens his mouth “great i’ll put in the deposit.” he stands up. He gives me a hug and kisses my forehead. He goes to the door “i love you” he says before he walks out of the room. 

I look at him as he stands there, “love you too”. He walks out of the room and I drop my head on my desk. I smile at myself, knowing I got away with smoking on the roof of the house. It makes me so happy, knowing I could probably do whatever I could. By the end of this year I could smoke in every room of the house. It's my goal for my junior year. But at the end of the day I just wanna pass my classes and maybe just maybe find someone to be with. And I know that maybe i will be happy here. Just maybe. I know that one day I have to get over her death, but today, tomorrow and the day after that isn't that day. Or at least I dont think it will be.

I get to recreate myself at this new school, to be a new person, a person that is something different from what I was last year, something different from the person that's haunted by her best friend that she thought she killed. But they all say she didn't. And nobody will ever find out because I will never tell anyone. And if they find out? They find out. And my life will be ruined, the best thing we can do is move to germany. I mean I speak German so I could just move. Boarding school, ya’know? Just have fun. I'd be willing to do that. But that's not the point. I'm gonna be ok here. I just know it. It's gonna be something that I get through. I will get through this, being new, and not having any friends other than my brother. Well maybe his friends too but that's not the point. Not having any friends that are girls, who understand me. 

[yeasty-boy]

I posted 248 times in 2022

That's 212 more posts than 2021!

19 posts created (8%)

229 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gay-panic-in-a-bottle

@dingdongyouarewrong

@nandodelacruz

@bestmannequin2018

@starfleetrambo

I tagged 84 of my posts in 2022

#pathologic - 18 posts

#unreality - 7 posts

#artemy burakh - 6 posts

#goncharov - 5 posts

#daniil dankovsky - 5 posts

#i would die for each of these doggos - 2 posts

#artemy my beloved - 2 posts

#clara the changeling - 2 posts

#someone please knock me out - 2 posts

#been using it to make my insomniac episode more bearable - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#like the game is one bog performance so having the characters being literal actors is just ✨ muah ✨ chiefs kiss

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

....

Why is this trending

2 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#4

I just rewatched the goncharov and holy shit I have so much to talk about

First of all I absolutely love the way that color is used in these movies. It reminds me of some of the earlier films to use it, in that it was used sparingly. Everything is bland and bleak save for a singular accent color. It naturally draws the eye to the focus and makes everything else fade into the background and also taking away general noise

The color red is given a specific connotation in conjugation with the apple motif, symbolizing a loss of innocence through ones one choices, specifically the sort brought about through betrayal. When Katya kills her husband she is covered in blood, specifically staining her white coat, which has been used to present shelteredness and safety (though can also be interpreted as being trapped, which ever resonates more with you). Until this point she has never directly killed anyone and here she is, look how far she has fallen, covered in her own betrayal. She has destroyed the thing which protected her, melted her wax wings, but her fall is the most free she has ever been

Not only that but the use of green being interpreted as freedom (or alternatively wishes and desires). In Katya's final moments, she pictures Sofia, surrounded by lush green fields, forest, and freedom. Sofia up until this point has been wearing blue (which I can go into it's symbolism later) but in this moment she is wearing stark green, making nature itself look dull by comparison. She is the true freedom and only in death does Katya realize the gravity of that

(also I just love these two so much, like yes they are terribly people who cannot communicate basic emotions and if they just talked then at least two people could have had a happy ended but at the same time that's their tragedy because there was never a world where they could have ran away because katya would always be katya and sofia would always be sofia)

3 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#3

One thing I wanted to talk about was how fucking hard it is to find this movie. Like I heard about it through a friend of a friend who went on and on about how great this thing was so I decided to pirate it but it was impossible. Like every single one was either filmed on someones wet pasta noodle and then deep fried, or just covered in ads making it impossible to watch

After that I decided to look through my dad's massive movie collection (the man has well over 2000 movies saved to discs so if anyone had this film it would be him)

At this point I didn't even care about the movie, it was now a matter of pride. This movie existed and was thwarting my attempts to find it for well over a week now and I would be damned if it won

I sifted through boxes of movies, covered in dust, looking for the picture which was now burned into my brain. On the 3 box I found it, innocuous and real. The disc case was still intact, though the paper picture inside was warped from water damage. At this point I was fully expecting the movie not to exist and here it was, in my grubby little hands. I practically sprinted to my computer and started to play the movie. I was shaking from the discovery, after days of searching I found it, all on my dad's Blu-ray dvd

I'm sure now it has become much easier to pirate it (with growing awareness and such) but I'm almost glad that I had to work so hard to find it. That somewhere in my house it had been waiting for someone to open it up again and take a look

3 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#2

One of the reasons I love the barter system in pathologic is because it makes me feel like the middling part of a failed pyramid scheme. I run around, the vast majority of my inventory taken up by objects that are useless to me, in hopes of finding someone who will be willing to exchange it for something less useless. On the third day I distinctly remember running around with 10 various nuts, looking for the exact bullets I needed. Because of the various things you can trade, I end up hoarding complete trash and I love it

20 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don't know why but I absolutely adore the idea of pathologic time loop au. Like the character go through their twelve days and then BAM "IM BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING????"

They all navigate the second run in complete terror and confusion, jumping around through what little they remember of their quests and kinda doing better? But it mainly being hindered by their own existential dread, confusion, and general trying to figure what the fuck is going on.

Then it just repeats on infantum until (I'm choosing Clara for this since she's the resident strange girl) figures out a solution and everyone gets a semi happy ending or they have to make big sacrifice, what ever floats your boat

21 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gaypleasantview]

Tank Grunt for 003

OF COURSE.......

How I feel about this character

listen i never even got to fully process this boy and the depths of his painful life and then this adult version of him was thrown at me and i honestly find him to be such a goofball he's so endearing but in the way where i insult him constantly (that is my way of loving loser boys in the sims)

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character

i play the ds game as Cassandra and i honestly ship them a little bit, i think they make a cute little friendship with mutual respect and secret kisses. i like to think that the ds timeline is an alternate version of some events that will actually happen to my pc-timeline Cassandra and yeah Tank is actually grown there but in my normal version of events he would be way younger than her which made me think it would be super cute if he had an embarrassing teenage boy crush on her lol. i thought he's gay but now i see him as bi or maybe some other sexuality bc this is really cute. or maybe it's a comphet crush idk, my Cassandra is such a girlboss who wouldn't love her

okay but if we're talking romantic relationships of teenage Tank, ive always liked him together with Johnny, yes that sounds toxic but im a sucker for a relationship dynamic where someone tough actually gets the better version of themselves out with the help of their s/o while also not abusing them (does this remind you of someone in pv) anyways i would really like to explore this ship further. haven't thought of many others for Tank

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character

need to really give this some thought... i don't really see Tank having a lot of friends as a teen aside from what he thinks is a friendship with his dad (actually toxic), maybe he has like 1 friend who genuinely loves him despite everything but idk who. i would think of Tank as the quiet one but considering that he wont shut up in ds and treats Cassandra like his twitter he's probably secretly an oversharer and runs a blog no one irl knows about, and it's either super popular with angsty teens or completely private and no one follows him (who wants to bet Ripp knows about it and reads it all the time from Tank's computer bc he also knows the password). speaking of, he could probably be friends with Buck but definitely not Ripp lol. all of this will hopefully change when he grows up and parts with his dad. i feel like i kind of give Tank the dustin treatment so i'll consider my possible options for him and maybe i'll think of something super great

My unpopular opinion about this character

i feel like all of my opinions about him are very popular lol... im afraid of writing about the military part of his life bc i genuinely don't know much about how generals behave and i also really don't anticipate getting into this topic at all for obvious reasons but. i have a few versions in mind of what Buzz could be like that don't really go with what ive been thinking of him so far (and they would actually make him kind of a better person too) so maybe there could be a more interesting story for the Grunts in general. stay tuned

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

nothing i can think of right away? would be neat if there was an even heavier implication that he might have a very soft personality and that he could be gay but we'll do with what we have. i know he's canonically supposed to actually follow his father's footsteps (if you consider console games canon) but i really don't want him to do that ever. it's just not happening

My crossover ship

lets say this is about megahood, then... idk imagine Tank hanging out with someone like Puck and Hermia lol. they would be so much fun together. and of course what i explained about Cassandra up there. Alexander would probably throw him off a cliff for that

thank you for the ask!!!

[eddiemunsonsmiddlefingers]

I think it's officially a disease or something.

I've watched this show Too Many Times.

The first few times, I enjoyed the obvious bits: the crush, the kisses (including Darcy & Tara), the getting together, the happy date, the coming out.

Now though...in my last re-watch I found myself really enjoying other parts of it:

Nick looking up LGBTQ stuff on his computer, specifically the whole bit leading up to the quiz where all he really saw was terrible stuff. This, in contrast to the scene where Darcy says "We're such meddling gays" in the GC and Nick looks so happy.

The scene after he takes the quiz when he's standing at the table and all of his friends are turned away from him. It's the best visualization of the feeling a song gives me that I've ever seen.

Nick and Charlie running up the stairs. I love this even more than the actual kiss. Nick unintentionally gave Charlie the ability to lead the way in a manner he's really good at and choose where they go at the end. I don't know if Charlie would have been able to ask the questions he did if he hadn't had that burst of confidence and joy before hand.

The corridor run after fetching Tara and Darcy. There's so much to unpack here: Tara and Darcy first, holding hands to begin with (they're out, they're together, everyone knows it), Nick and Charlie next, grabbing hands as they go (together, but working on being out); Elle next; she's out and proud but she cares about Tao...and Tao himself, who is struggling to keep up, who isn't sure if he belongs anymore, who physically can't do the thing they're all doing (coming out) and doesn't know he can have what they have (Elle's right there but he doesn't see her care for what it is).

Isaac knocking over the monopoly board to end an argument that symbolizes Charlie and Tao's basic differences in perspective and opinion on a mutually experienced situation.

Darcy telling Imogen "thank you for your service" versus Nick saying "Glad to be of service" to Tara.

Elle's comments about getting suspended for hair length. That's the exact kind of bullshit reason a transphobic administration would come up with to get her out of their school without getting in legal trouble for discrimination. A little too real, but also her joy at being able to be herself is so GOOD to see.

Nick asking Charlie 'what's up' when he looks distressed juxtaposed with Nick's mom saying "Oh Nicky, come on baby" in the car vs Charlie's mom saying "you could at least change out of your pyjamas" like he's done something wrong and his dad asking what's wrong but failing to follow up when Charlie blows him off, juxtaposed with Charlie failing to communicate with Tao, always assuming he's done something wrong, and assuming he's ruining Nick's life. How parents interact with their kids impacts how their kids view themselves and interact with others, and this show draws that line very clearly.

Imogen hanging out at the gates of the boys' school every day. I didn't even question it until I realized wait- she doesn't go there. Why is she there? I want to know more about Imogen.

Every single time Nick makes that guilty "oh fuck" face when Charlie gets shit (or talks about getting shit) for being gay after Kiss. Kit's ability to convey emotion with microscopic changes in his expression is phenomenal.

Ben looking over their shoulders in that split second scene in the cinema. Also, all the cinema posters.

Tao and Nick's conversation in Boyfriend. Anyone who hates Tao can fight me. He IS a good friend—he's just fifteen, for fuck's sake. Mistakes happen, give him a break.

Isaac reading Radio Silence. Aled's here, my friends, just in another room.

The details about Charlie (and Tori)'s life that tie into the books and will lead into season 2 if it happens, but in such a subtle way that people who haven't read the books notice but think it's just stress, while people who have read them are crying with the sadness of it all.

The cinema fight. I don't know why. That scene fills me with ferocious glee because Harry absolutely deserved to get decked but for some reason out of all the dramatic stuff I did expect, I didn't expect him to get what was coming to him.

Charlie on the tree roots.

"Homophobia!"

That Nick and Charlie's date is at a place where they can both be open and carefree about their relationship. Charlie gets a golden memory, Nick gets reassurance that everything will be okay.

Whoops, apparently there's a character limit?

[starglow-xx]

hello! may i request headcanons for chuuya having a crush on someone who's dense? like he could ask them out in the most straightforward way possible and it would still go over their head?

yes, yes of course you may!

sorry this took so long! my computer was out of commission for abt a week (or two..??)

but this is also my birthday writing piece for chuuya!! (4/29/21) i even added a small drabble thingy in addition to the hcs for the occasion hehe

from where i am, it is about fifteen minutes past midnight so it’s officially chuuya day here!!

happy birthday chuuya i love you! you deserve the whole world and everyone is willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure your happiness! we love you! 💗💗

anyways, i hope you all enjoy this! i kinda had some writer’s block but it was still a lot of fun to write! there might be some mistakes, but i’ll scan over it again later. reader is gender neutral! have fun!

chuuya having a crush on a dense! reader

nakahara chuuya x gn! reader

im cackling somebody help him

he’s frustrated bc you can’t take a hint or a thousand but he can’t even be mad bc he’s whipped

“look at you all dressed up today, wanna go out later? my treat?”

“oh really? thanks chuuya-san! you’re such a nice friend. i’ll go invite the others right now, i’ll see you later!”

“...”

fast forward to later in the evening and he finds himself at a little restaurant with the black lizard + higuchi and akutagawa

sigh

in unison all of them go, “thank you for the meal chuuya-san!” (except aku and hirotsu are quieter & and gin just a nods hehe)

“no problem” (ꐦ ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

gin only pats him on the back in sympathy

he spends a lot of time trying to think of ways to make it absolutely and undeniably clear that he has feelings for you

he always fails

“(y/n) i like you”

“i like you too chuuya-san”

“really?”

“mhm”

“t-then will you—”

“you’re a really great friend! and superior too”

“...nevermind”

“oh were you saying something?”

“nah, just forget about it”

tachihara is laughing in the corner of the corridor

dont worry, chuuya made sure to get back at him

chuuya’s been pinning after you for years and frankly, his failed attempts to woo you has lead everyone to the breaking point

and i mean everyone

yes, even aku

hell even dazai

but dazai also thinks it’s funny, so he doesn’t mind all that much

okay bye bye dazai-san this headcanon set isn’t abt you rn

PLEASE EVERYONE FEELS SO BAD FOR HIM

they knew even if he kissed you, you still might not get it

so they decided to help him

super secret mission get chuuya and (y/n) together is a go!

they’re still working on a proper mission name, don’t mind them

they had a super secret strategy meeting!

you can bet your ass that they nearly got nothing done

akutagawa & kaiji weren’t much help, neither was higuchi, mori, or elise

tachihara nearly got killed for a thoughtless comment

“just tell them chuuya-san!”

“i already fucking did you ass!”

gin, hirotsu, and kouyou were the most helpful !!

hirotsu and kouyou both agreed on the idea that chuuya should try courting with bouquets of flowers instead of flat out asking you bc they knew you found them pretty

(even if you don’t identify as a female, flowers are for everyone no matter gender or sexuality! so let’s normalize giving flowers to everyone <33 )

gin didn’t speak but she used cards to communicate

everyone knew that you weren’t stupid (you wouldn’t have survived in the mafia if you were) but they did know that you were only stupid when it came to all this lovey dovey stuff

i mean, if chuuya gave you flowers every so often, there’s no way that you wouldn’t piece it together at some point

right...??

but kouyou assured him that even though you wouldn’t get it right away, you’d appreciate the gestures and that he’ll stand out more

she even said that if someone gave her flowers, she would appreciate it, whether or not she reciprocated their feelings

it takes guts to be so up front with your feelings after all

gin and hirotsu only nodded with her explanation

once again, this only provoked a reaction out of tachihara

“what do you know gin? i get the old man and kouyou-san, they’re grown, but you? what do you know abt courting? or flowers? what are you a girl?”

akutagawa choked on his cough, higuchi on air, and on the other side of yokohoma at the ada, dazai is cackling

yes, dazai somehow placed a listening device onto chuuya’s hat and was listening in

don’t ask how, it’s dazai

“DAZAI GET YOUR BANDAGED ASS OFF THE COUCH AND STOP LAUGHING”

anyways

the next day, chuuya did what was barely discussed and for once, things actually started to look up

until they started look to down again

at first, it actually looked like you understood his intentions after he gave you a bouquet of flowers

literally everyone was leaning against the opposite hallway you two were in and then they got excited !!

especially chuuya !

but then your expression sort of changed...??

and then in their heads they simultaneously went, “oh no”

they knew that expression

it was very familiar when you tended to friend zone chuuya

but boy let me tell you what you said next made them facepalm and or make their jaws drop

“ah, so you really are friend zoning me huh chuuya-san; what a shame, i really did like you”

LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I SAY THAT CHUUYA WAS DISTRESSED I MEAN HE WAS DISTRESSED

you liked him??

him of all people??

he wasn’t complaining, no of course not, but he still couldn’t believe it

but that wasn’t what he was really focusing on right now

what in any form or language did it say he was friend zoning you?!

flower language apparently

chuuya chose to buy the bouquet of yellow roses, pink carnations, and yellow carnations bc he thought you would appreciate the brighter colors, and so that you’d remember them better (because remembering them, meant remembering him)

but ooh boy

altogether, they meant the exact opposite message he wanted to send

someone help him pls

“you see chuuya-san, yellow roses mean friendship, pink carnations mean gratitude, and yellow carnations mean rejection; sooo in a nutshell, these pretty much say ‘thank you for being my friend, but im rejecting you”

no one can tell if tachihara is crying or wheezing

and dazai is having the time of his life

yes, he started listening in on him again

and chuuya is just stunned

like speechless and unmoving stunned

is he just bad at this whole courting/dating thing?? it’s only been one day and of it and somehow he was the one doing the rejecting??

“thank you for the flowers chuuya-san, i’ll be going now; i’ll make sure to let this affect our friendship. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you passed by the not so subtle group of people

“tachihara-kun..?? are you alright?”

just for context, he was leaning his forehead against the wall using his forearm

again, it was hard to tell whether he was crying or wheezing

“i-im okay (y/n)-san...i think c-chuuya-san has it worse than me”

“...okay..?”

BACK TO CHUUYA

he’s still frozen poor baby

but it’s okay bc after like 5 more seconds he’s chasing you down the hallway you were walking in

kouyou, with a knowing smile on her face, ushers everyone away towards the opposite direction

she received some whines (ahem, tachihara and mori) but silenced them by summoning golden demon

but it’s okay

if they run fast enough, they can see what happens through the security cameras

chuuya caught up with you and tried to explain everything but he was exhausted

emotionally, physically (bc since when did you walk that fast??), and generally just tired with the whole situation

he just wanted to call you his; was that too much to ask??

as explosive as he can be, he can be calm and collected too

and he really did try to be that way as he talked with you but it was very difficult at the moment

the dumbfounded and confused look on your face his face twitch with annoyance and his heart started beating faster bc god you were cute

BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT RIGHT NOW

thank goodness after what seemed like years, you finally somewhat understood what happened

you didn’t understand completely but it was something

The two of you stood in the middle of the unusually empty hallway facing each other, you with the bouquet still in hand. It was quiet as you and Chuuya assessed the situation.

You looked at him skeptically and he stared right back you with his gorgeous blue eyes.

“...So you do like me Chuuya-san??”

“Yes”

“And you were trying to court me just now, not friend zone me??”

“Yes”

You got most of your questions out of the way, but there was something that you’ve been wondering about for quite a while.

“...So you’re not gay for Dazai-san??”

“Yes, im not wait—GAY FOR DAZAI?? THAT MACKEREL??”

Chuuya did a double take. What in heavens name made it seem like he liked that suicidal maniac?? Why would he choose him if he had you?

Like he would choose him anyways; or ever consider him as a possible romantic partner.

“Oh, so you are?”

“NO! I SAID I LIKED YOU DIDN’T I?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you liked Dazai-san too. As annoying as he is, he can be quite charming—”

He was out of patience at this point (nope definitely not because you were talking about Dazai who told you that?) and just decided to kiss you.

You immediately melted into the kiss and kissed him back with the same amount of love and feeling.

Letting the bouquet fall to the ground, you wrapped you arms around his neck and his put his on your lower back and brought you closer to him. After a few more moments, the two of you broke apart for air.

The two of you, slightly out of breath, leaned your foreheads against each other and just basked in each others presence.

Chuuya looked into your (e/c) eyes and asked you just a little bit above a whisper, “Now do you get my intentions and feeling?”

You blinked at him before breaking out into a grin, “Hmm I’m not sure; do you wanna do that again Chuuya?”

The red head only blinked back at you before rolling his eyes, a smile present on his handsome features, his heart fluttering at you using his name with the honorific.

“Dumbass”

Smiling cheekily at him, you pressed a kiss on his cheek and started dragging him towards the lobby to take a walk around the building perimeter, knowing that the two of you can’t be too far from work.

The way down to the lobby was mostly in comfortable silence until you said something that made Chuuya want to bash his head against the wall.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you liked me Chuuya. It’s not like I would’ve said no.”

Once again, as the rest of the more power mafia members watch from security cameras, it is hard to tell whether Tachihara is crying or wheezing of laughter.

omake !!

The two of you just started making your way around the building when suddenly a very familiar voice came from Chuuya’s prized hat.

“Chuuyaaaa!! It was about time you stopped being a chicken, Chibi!”

Removing his hat from his head, he started yelling at it not knowing exactly where the listening device was planted.

“TEME! HOW DID YOU—”

“And (y/n)! I would congratulate you, but I think I would rather offer you my condolences. Why him?! He’s just a slimy slug. OOH OOH how would you like to join me in a double suicide?! A shame it won’t be a lover’s suicide but it’ll annoy Chuuya so I think it’ll be worth it! ”

“YOU—”

“And please don’t kiss while I’m listening in. You made me lose my appetite! And it was such a shame! I was eating crab using Kunikida-kun’s money! Do you know what you’ve cost me?!”

“DAZAI YOU PIECE OF—”

“Ah! Kunikida-kun is here! I have to go!”

You can hear something is the background that vaguely sounds like, “DAZAI YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES STOP USING MY MONEY”

“DAZAI DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE IM NOT DONE WITH—”

*Click!*

The click sound from the hat revealed that Dazai disconnected.

Chuuya twitched and glared furiously at his signature hat hating that the voice he hated the most came out of it.

“Aww, I didn’t get to talk to Dazai-san”

Chuuya whipped his head towards you, a look of mock (or real) betrayal showing on his features.

You laughed at him before taking the hat out of his hands and placing it on his head.

He shyly looked away before muttering a thanks making you smile wider. Just as the two of you were about to start walking, a small explosion erupted from his hat; it was likely that Dazai made the listening device self destruct.

“DAZAI YOU BASTARDD”

At the Armed Detective Agency, a certain suicidal maniac hid from the wrath of his current partner as he thought about the wrath his old one.

“Hmmm I wonder if Chuuya would finally stop wearing his ugly hats if I blow all of them up...”

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[kaypeace21]

Idk if this is possible or not or if you've done it already but could you list all the rainbow references in the show?

Haha- talk about pandora’s box. Sure, personally i think the rainbows have multiple meanings -3 meanings to to be exact

1) Rainbows being associated with psychics + Will’s powers plot twist

*We see in the stranger thing novel 'suspicious minds' when overusing powers you may hallucinate rainbows (which are also associated with the void/ monsters in the series) .

Terry: “Spots bloomed behind her eyelids. Every color … as the sunlight turned to rainbows” ( p44-45), “streaks of rainbow appeared (p47)”,“The rainbow stayed with Terry for a long while, but eventually it faded and in its place: darkness. A pit.”(p. 48). 

Alice (who sees visions of the future) : “Snarling, snapping monsters,RAINBOW LIGHTS playing in the air around them” (p. 121).

cough Will being in the upsidedown/being chased by “monsters”. And Joyce communicating with Will  via “rainbow lights.”

The rainbow room (from s2) also has a rainbow on the door- according to the novel kali drew that rainbow. Similar to Will's rainbow drawing. Kali in the book also creates a rainbow allusion with sunflowers (Terry ref).

Kali: “field of yellow sunflowers  grew up around them. A rainbow arcing over the golden tops.” (p. 139).  “He noticed she’d drawn up there, a rainbow with her colored pencils. Maybe he’d suggest that for the playroom” (the rainbow room we see in s2) (p. 298)

I also already talked about how Terry saying "breath, sunflower, rainbow " is actually a reference to s1 Will- here (in link including pic of Will and Terry being told to “breath”.

*El in s3 also thinks of papa, her mother , and the rainbow room- cause she sees a cereal box with a rainbow (on it).

Dustin and susie sing a song from the film adaption of the book "never ending story". Which indicates how Will is subconsciously creating the supernatural creatures & people in the series . Before they sing, we also see  susie is next to a ‘wizard of oz’ posters & she reads & talks to Dustin about the book "wizard of earthsea'. 2 of the 3 examples have  rainbow-related songs (in their film adaptions) & all 3 hint at Will’s powers.

* wizard of earthsea:

It’s about a pre-teen wizard named Ged who has a bowl cut (Will) who casts a powerful spell, but the spell goes awry and instead he releases a shadow creature (by opening a portal between the living & dead- Will is a zombie boy remember?)! The new Archmage, Gensher, describes the shadow as an ancient evil that wishes to possess Ged. But the ‘shadow’ turns out  to be a representation of the darkest aspects of his personality. It’ only when he calls the shadow monster by his own name “Ged”(cough mf=will the wise) does the monster stop acting out. The only way to save the world is for ged to then  merge with the shadow(and for Ged to accept himself-and “become whole”).This also reminds me of the “Jungian shadow” 

* never ending story: 

Bastian ( who has a bowl cut- and is from single parent house hold) subconsciously creates a fantasy world being over run by darkness (symbolizing the loss of hope and dreams). One of the characters he creates is Atreyu (El). Atreyu ( was the child deemed the ‘chosen one). “Atreyu is knocked into the sea of possibilities. There he wakes on the shore of abandoned ruins. And Gmorick (mindflayer) then latches his jaws onto Atreyu’s (El’s) leg.”Pretty much what happened to El.”The Empress in the story later tells Atreyu, that despite being told he was the chosen one (he never was). And that it was always Bastian (Will) who was the chosen one-since his imagination created Fantasia (so he’s the only way to stop the darkness from over -running it).”

Will has mental health issues and  accidentally writes a “story” about the shadow monster (reflecting his tra*ma). Bastian is depressed (over his parent) and subconsciously creates a story about darkness over-running everything. Like how Hopper describes his depression- like a black hole.

song Dustin & Susie sing:

 “Written on the pages is the answer to a never ending story” (cough the books susie referenced - are explaining the answer to what’s causing the mindflayer/upsidedown/the lab...this story )

“DREAM a dream. And what you DREAM will be” ( Will’s imagination making his nightmares come true)

“Rhymes that keep their secrets Will unfold behind the clouds.And there upon a RAINBOW Is the answer to a never ending story.”

(the lyric “rhymes that keep their SECRETS” purposely pans to Will both times the song is sung). Because the ‘SECRET’ is -he’s causing everything. And thus he’s the only way to stop it- or they’ll all be stuck in a never-ending story. The only way to stop it is for Will to face his shadow/the mindflayer (aka the other Will) who is always shown within the STORM CLOUDS . Will needs to create a RAINBOW (out of those storm clouds). Like rainbows that show up AFTER a storm.He’d do this by accepting himself , his tra*ma/mental health relating to his dad, and or his gay identity- then the story will be able to end.Dustin even says “ defeat his RAINBOW of DARKNESS” (and later says a “rainbow is the answer ”(to the story). st book:”The RAINBOW stayed with Terry for a long while, but eventually it faded and in its place: DARKNESS. A pit.”AKA: Will has to face his symbolic darkness and the storm/and than create a rainbow from it- for the story to end...

When Dustin says ‘rainbow of darkness’ he talks about my little pony- where one of their friends became a dragon.  in d&d wizards can become dragons &Bastian also summons a dragon with his imagination powers in ‘never ending story’. And Will is associated with dragons: s1he  has dragon comic & drawing, s2 Will has dragon poster in his room + watches his friends play dragon game. And again... dungeons & dragons.

Also tw for s.a/parental ab*se (so skip to ‘wizard of oz’  if you prefer ). In the 4th book of wizard of Eathsea (20 years after the original, where ged was the protagonist). The new main  protagonist - was r*ped and burned by her father as a child (and in the sequel she became a dragon as a form of empowerment ). which goes with my lonnie theory-sadly.

*wizard of oz: 

it’s about a Dorothy creating a mythical world based on people she both likes and dislikes . Dorothy sings in the movie a song about a ‘RAINBOW’ and references ‘DREAMS’ coming true in a mythical land -much like the ‘never ending story’ song (referencing “rainbows”/”dreams” coming to life).

“There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby Somewhere over the RAINBOW, Skies are blue, And the DREAMS that you dare to dream, really do come true...”

We see in s1 Hopper cop-partner calls the lab “emerald city”. Murray in s2 says people “don’t want to look behind the curtain” (to see what’s causing the supernatural -in the film what was literally behind the curtain was a wizard-cough like Will). We also have -lion, tiger, and bear stuffed animals (as a ‘lion, and tigers, and bears-oh my!’ quote )from the film. And David harbor (Hopper) when referencing the s4 rainbow room (quotes the song)  and he also quotes a speech from Dorothy-when posting about the cabin the mindflayer destroyed.

2) Rainbow cups (hinting at Lonnie’s return) 

We see 2 rainbow cups in the series. 

in s2) when Mike & Will are sitting together & saying they’re “crazy together” . This cup next to them says “happy birthday” in rainbow. Later that season- they talk about Will’s birthday-rainbow drawing, Mike&Will meeting & Lonnie leaving. And in s2, we also see in Will’s room a card that says “sorry, I forgot your birthday”(most likely from Lonnie). So both Lonnie & Mike are associated with Will’s bday.

in s3) We see a woman yell “I don’t want her in my house!” (while she sits next to a rainbow cup). reminiscent of Joyce saying to Lonnie “get out of my house”. We also know there are rumors s4 takes place during Will’s birthday & Lonnie’s actor may have been spotted on set.  Along with the fact (it’s pretty much confirmed) Mike will be visiting the Byers in s4. However, the woman (next to the rainbow cup)  also says “2 visitor only. 2!″

THE 2 VISITORS ARE MIKE &LONNIE (for Will’s b day). 

Also, in s3, when El is drinking from cup- she sees a rainbow. And what’s the first word she thinks of? “Papa.”

so rainbow+cup= shitty dads (lonnie & brenner) probably returning

*And of course if that’s the case -Lonnie (the same guy who called Will h*mophobic sl*rs) will not be supportive of Mike & Will’s “friendship”. And will not be nice to Mike (to say the least). Like... imagine Hopper in s3 - but we know he’s not bluffing and the audience won’t have the option to take it as a joke... and yes the s4 movies hint at that...

3) gay symbolism

First we have Mike wheeler. He in s1 has rainbows sheets, rainbow bedroom blinds , and in his basement there’s a heart propelled by a rainbow. This is like how in s3 Mike kisses El and there is a drawing that says "Mike'. And on the drawing is a heart propelled by a rainbow. I already explained how its symbolic of him trying to be straight/fighting his feelings for Will, but wherever he goes a rainbow still follows (even when he tries being romantic with El). He’s trying to hide his “rainbow heart” by dating  El- why in s3 (the rainbow-heart in his basement) mysteriously disappeared from his room (but a similar symbol follows Mike even when he kisses El). 

Even in s2 when talking about Will (in the AV tech room): Mike is placed in the center of 2 objects : an object with 11 on it & on the right a rainbow apple (this apple is supposed to be an ode to the gay father of computers- but also about the forbidden apple). Hinting at the love triangle of Mike (with El/Will). PLUS, in the ST book ‘worlds turned upsidedown’ they literally show Mike in the AV room- and  put the caption “FALLING IN LOVE- with tech” (and placed rainbow flags next to the caption). And of course we have Mike & Will pose next to the rainbow apple- in the AV room.

 We also see when Mike and Will says they’re “crazy together” (aka LOVE-as Flo stated) and they’re next to a rainbow cup that says Happy birthday .

And later that season they ref the rainbow ship Will drew for his birthday-which Joyce was "proud" of.  And while dancing with a girl (Will according to the script was looking at Mike instead of her) . That girl is wearing a rainbow heart hair pin. This is essentially a parallel to Mike . Will (next to a rainbow heart) is dancing with a girl, but is secretly thinking of Mike. Mike (next to a rainbow heart) is kissing el but secretly thinking of Will (and immediately goes on a movie double date with Will after this). The lyrics of both these scenes indicate they're not happy pretending to be straight. The lyrics for Will are "every smile you fake". And Mike while kissing el is "just a little uncertainty can bring you down" (and during this lyric is when El puts her hands on him-and he removes her hands from him *aka he’s not as confident in the relationship as he pretends to be.

We see in s4 bts that the rainbow heart hair pin (worn by the girl Will dances with) is also worn by nancy while standing next to Robin (who is gay). So being near a  ‘rainbow-heart’ is prob a hint a character is gay. Aka robin & Will & Mike.

tumblr user “awhstrangerthings” pointed out the nancy -hair clip detail.

In s1 when troy is calling Will h*mophobic sl*rs (in front of Mike) he wears a rainbow shirt. And max while often critiquing m*leven (in s3) (to Mike) often wears rainbow shirts. I talked about how I thought Troy and max subconsciously remind Mike he isn't straight - so they're associated with the rainbow iconography-post here. Like we see Max with rainbow sheets (like Mike) and than she immediately talks to him on the phone. I mean she could be queer- but I lean to that theory at the moment. 

The whole being near rainbows when associating with a queer character makes sense (it’s like a ‘gay-dar”). Similar to Nancy’s hair clip when being near Robin/ that Girl having the same rainbow hair clip when dancing with Will. If we assume this theory than see a pattern with other characters (when speaking about/being near queer coded characters)....

it’s similar to how : When lucas (via subtext) criticizes m*leven- he is also next to a rainbow (in Erica's room). I explained here- why it’s about m*leven.

or when Jonathan says he’s going to hang out with Will (it’s near a rainbow).

This Jonathan moment -Is similar to when Steve ( who has a rainbow bandaid-from the Byers’ house) calls Mike “Nancy” (which is slang for a gay guy)

*another addition: you see in the comments of this post ghostgirlsatin mentioned Dart has a rainbow blanket. But, I noticed a couple of other things. 

notice Dustin says "we have to talk- its about my friend ,Will". As Dustin is near rainbow lights and a rainbow bed sheet. Like how

A) rainbows are associated with the supernatural creatures + Will

B) rainbow lights associated with Will

C) rainbows near straight characters when talking about /near queer characters... similar to how Jonathan is near a rainbow when talking about Will

*also can’t tell if that is a ‘rainbow ship’ poster?

We also see Erica has a sunflower & rainbow drawing in her room... at the moment not sure if its just a random easteregg , foreshadowing something supernatural we're not aware of yet? or just for the m*leven diss?

(although given the fact i think some characters were created by Will- and given all the Max &Billy/Will & jonathan parallels ... the rainbow stuff may be a hint Will created them? I mean they even made a Troy comic just to show his dad is a bully.) But, at the moment, i still lean to (some) characters having rainbow iconography because they’re referring to/are near a queer character.

[spicycreativity]

Good Omens but Make It Moceit (unfinished)

I said I would do it and I tried very, very hard but it's not looking like I'm going to be able to finish because ✨mental health reasons✨

Here's what I have so far (about 8k words)

EDEN

It is a little-known theological fact that the invention of the hypothetical coincided nearly perfectly with the invention of the thunderstorm, the latter being a rather effable invention of God, all things considered, and the former springing forth from the troubled mind of Phaedaël, the angel of the Eastern gate. The first drops of rain pattered to the ground and he curved one wing upward to protect his head. Addressing his companion, he said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I should be talking to you."

"Oh, and what a shame," cooed the serpent, who hadn't yet chosen a name, "and here I was so hoping you'd wring the details out of me."

"Oh," said the angel, considering this. He shifted uncomfortably, and made a face like he'd just been forced to swallow something bitter. "Well… What did you say to her?"

"Don't patronize me," said the serpent. He paused. "I don't suppose you could enlighten me, angel, on what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil?"

"They broke the rules," said the angel firmly.

"I don't suppose it matters that the rule was arbitrary?" The angel drew in a breath to reply, but the serpent cut him off, looking him up and down suddenly as though seeing him for the first time. A sly smile tugged at his lips. "Lose something?"

"No!" said the angel, far too quickly.

"Oh, come on. Lying doesn't become an angel."

"It's not a lie!" the angel insisted.

"Well, then. Please do tell me what happened to that flaming sword of yours."

The rain began to fall in earnest. A thunderclap sounded overhead. The angel said, "What if you had an opportunity to help someone--"

"What if?" repeated the serpent incredulously.

"What if," persisted the angel, "someone could benefit from something you were supposed to have, but weren't really using?"

The serpent began to laugh. "Don't tell me you gave it--" he gestured into the distance-- "to them?" A few more hysterical cackles escaped his chest, but he swallowed the rest down at the anguished look on the angel's face. "Oh, relax. If you did it, it can't have been bad, can it? Angels don't do bad."

"And demons don't do good?" the angel looked at the serpent with uncertainty.

"Oh, yes," purred the serpent, "we're wicked to the core."

The angel went silent, considering this.

The thunder roared, the rain came down harder, the serpent remained, and the angel very gently lifted his other wing to keep his companion dry.

Who, after all, prayed for the Devil?

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

God (God)

Logan (Patton's overseer)

Satan (A Fallen Angel; The Fallen Angel, one might say)

Remus (Janus' overseer)

Janus (An angel who did not so much fall as back away muttering "I'm really going to do it this time; no one try to stop me")

Roman (a lover)

Virgil (an Antichrist)

Dog (hellhound, hellraiser, and sleeping partner)

21 YEARS AGO

In the Valendale Regional Military Cemetery lurked a demon.

Well, he lurked as best as he was able, given that the ambiance was all off for lurking. He had fudged the timing a little, being unaccustomed to the nature of the passage of time on Earth, and had accidentally arrived just in time to witness a beautiful sunrise over Florida's eastern coast. Half the sky was a magnificent golden ocean with waves of orange and pink. The military cemetery had also been a mistake, though this one bothered him less. While he had been hoping for something a little more ancient and decrepit, he soon began to console himself by playing hopscotch on the clean, flat grave markers, delighting in the muddy bootprints he left behind him.

Besides, he liked the way 'military cemetery' rolled off the tongue.

When he inevitably got bored of desecrating graves, he threw himself down in the grass and began to look for worms and bugs with which he might decorate his uniform.

This was Remus, a Duke of Hell.

He found a worm and began to speak to it, watching it writhe around in his palm. "I'm so bored."

He spent a good few seconds coming up with a voice to use to represent the worm, then asked himself in a high-pitched squeak, "Why's that, your

Grace?"

Remus cupped the worm in his hands and rolled over, nearly kicking the basket he'd brought with him. This bothered him less than it rightfully should have, considering what was inside. He only gave a blithe "Oops!" and returned his attention to the worm. "That little subordinate of mine is making me wait!"

The worm said, "You should punish him!"

"Good idea!" Remus exclaimed, stroking the worm with his fingertip. "What do you think, should I spank him? Make him kiss my boots? Or--" He cut himself off, having just caught sight of flashing red and blue lights in the near distance. Sirens had been echoing on and off throughout the night, but they were very near now. "There's my bitch!" he said with undisguised affection. He put the worm in his pocket and stood up.

The Interstate Highway System was ostensibly developed under the command of United States President Dwight D Eisenhower in order to facilitate the movement of personal use vehicles, public transportation vehicles, and self-propelled field artillery across the country. This project, as anyone who has ever attempted to traverse the Interstate Highway System can tell you, was a catastrophic failure. The criss-crossing network of freeways, highways, turnpikes, and byways is frequently backed up with bumper-to-bumper traffic.

What most hapless travelers of the Interstate Highway System do not know is that the cloverleaf interchange, one of the most commonly-used interchanges in city planning, is also the exact same shape as the sigil det in the written language of the Church of the Black Clock. Written correctly, it means "black fire upon my enemies, devour their souls!" (Note: Written incorrectly, it reads "kneel, gay men.") Every day, commuters slow traffic via their own ill-wishes on fellow drivers, granted life by the sigil. (It is a known fact that every driver on the freeway considers every other driver on the freeway an enemy).

It was one of Janus' most diabolical achievements. He was quite proud of himself, not only in the end result but in his methods. While a lesser demon might have had to go to the trouble of hands-on work: hacking computers, making bribes, and, Satan-forbid, possibly even sneaking out at night to move marker pegs by hand, all Janus had had to do was talk. He was quite good at getting people to do his bidding once he got his foot in the door.

Something Janus had inexplicably failed to account for was the fact that he, too, would occasionally need to use the freeway system. Such was the curse of Janus' great evil deeds: more often than not, they slalomed between his legs like a wily terrier and bit him squarely on the ass.

The irony snuck up on him sometimes.

Janus had dark hair and high cheekbones. His eyes and tongue were really only unusual if you looked at them twice, and he had a tendency to hiss when he forgot himself. He looked far too young, far too handsome, and far too svelte for the 1957 Cadillac Deville he was driving, bearing no resemblance at all to the sort of wealthy, elderly man who deals in classic cars.

He checked his watch, which also seemed too old for him, and glanced at the rearview mirror. Normally he enjoyed the minor thrill of having cops on his tail, but his exit was coming up and he did have someplace to be.

What he did next lacked imagination, but it got the job done: With one complicated hand gesture, he turned both officers into pigs and gently glided their cars to the shoulder. Then he turned on his blinker and took his exit.

Remus watched the police lights disappear  with impassivity, bouncing on his toes. When Janus finally emerged through the wrought iron gates, having bent reality to get past them, he raised his arms and shouted, "Hail Satan!"

Janus acknowledged this with two lifted fingers. "So sorry I'm late," he said, bringing his hand smoothly upward to tip his hat, "it's just that I don't value your time in comparison to mine." The sarcastic inflection was so light the words could very well be sincere. But of course Janus always meant every word of what he'd said. (Now that's

sarcastic inflection)!

Remus gave a feral grin. Janus was his favorite subordinate. "Wanna see my worm?"

Millennia of acquaintanceship had freed Janus from the notion that he needed to be polite to Remus. The demon was as twisted as they came and nearly immune to flattery. "As much as I'd love to, shouldn't we get this over with?"

"Yeah, yeah." Remus looked around. "Hm, now where did I put the basket?"

The basket was currently sitting atop the headstone for a General T. Pratchett. Janus spied it first and indicated it to Remus with a flicker of his yellow irises, careful not to let a trace of his hesitancy show on his face. He didn't even let himself hesitate when Remus, who had hopscotched over to the basket and then back over to Janus, thrust it out to him.

"So this is really it," Janus murmured, wrapping both gloved hands around the handle of the basket. Then he began to work. "What a high honor."

"So they say," Remus said.

"Remus, be honest with me." Brief pause, just enough for Remus to wonder at the weight in Janus' voice. "Did you pull some strings to ensure I was the one who got this task? Do I owe you a favor?"

"Are you about to thank me?" Remus asked, tilting his head. Addressing the worm in his breast pocket, he said, "Listen up, this should be good."

"So you did?"

"Of course not."

Here it was. After a few seconds of rallying, his ace: "So why me?"

"You've been in the field the longest." Remus' grin widened to an impossible degree and he grabbed Janus by the lapels of his immaculate suit jacket, coming nose to nose. "Some of us think you're getting soft."

Janus smiled back, the unblinking predator's grin of a snake about to strike, and hefted the basket. "We'll see about that." And he extricated his lapels from Remus' grasp and turned to leave.

"You didn't say hi to my worm!" Remus called after him. Janus did not reply. Remus fished the worm out of his pocket. "How rude."

"The nerve of some demons," agreed the worm.

The Cadillac's speedometer hit 110. Janus fumbled for the volume knob with a shaking hand. The radio was permanently set to 98.5 The Jukebox, which only ever seemed to play Queen.

"Shit," Janus muttered as majestic panned harmonies began to emanate from his speakers. "Shit-shit-shit. Why now? Why me?"

BECAUSE, came the harmonic vocals, YOU'VE EARNED IT.

Janus bit down on his tongue to keep from swearing. Communication via electronics had been another one of his ideas, hoping he'd be issued a BlackBerry or a Nokia. But no. Instead, upper management just cut into whatever he was listening to at the time and twisted it. "Thank you very much, my lord," he said, working very very hard to instill his voice with the proper amount of unctuous ooze.

THIS IS IMPORTANT, JANUS.

"Yes, my lord."

THIS IS THE BIG ONE.

"Yes, my lord."

AND YOU UNDERSTAND, JANUS, THAT IF THIS GOES WRONG, EVERYONE INVOLVED WILL BE PUNISHED. EVEN YOU. ESPECIALLY YOU.

"I understand."

GOOD. YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.

And suddenly, he just knew. A new Queen song began to play on 98.5 The Jukebox, and Janus hissed and slammed the heel of his hand against the steering wheel. "What was the point of all that, then?" he demanded of Freddie Mercury.

Freddie Mercury replied, "Don't stop me now! 'Cause I'm havin' a good time!"

Janus rolled his eyes and changed lanes without signaling. He had been instructed to head straight to a hospital on the edge of town. It was technically in an unincorporated community called Misty, but for all intents and purposes, Misty was Valendale. If he kept up this pace (the needle of the speedometer now closer to 130), he could be there in five minutes. Joy.

It had all been going so well, too. He'd really hit his stride in the 21st century, and now here was Hell pulling the rug out from under his shiny Armani brogues. Armageddon. What a nightmare.

In the Publix baking aisle, two angels stood side by side. One of them was Phaedaël, who had lately adopted the name 'Patton,' feeling it suited his corporation.

The other had been christened 'Loirea' once upon a time. As Heaven began to

modernize, Loirea had been the first among the angels to adapt to the changes being made. He had even taken on the name 'Logan' as a show of good faith. 

Both of the angels were human-shaped, having discovered early on that it's much easier to get things done when you have limbs as opposed to flaming wheels of eyes and animal heads poking out at odd angles.

Both wore glasses. Patton's glasses were round, wire-rimmed things, of the sort usually found on kindly old librarians and stern but fair headmasters of all-boy's boarding schools. Logan's glasses were made of shiny black plastic and looked like they could draw blood if strategically applied to a sufficiently tender area.

Patton was, at the moment, holding a bag a semolina flour under one arm and awkwardly attempting to explain himself. "It's called 'cooking.' It's actually really clever, you take ingredients and combine them--"

"Why?" Logan interrupted 

"Oh, uh, well," Patton hesitated, shamefaced, "it makes food."

"Eating," Logan said in such a forceful tone of dismissal that three boxes of brownie mix turned to ash behind him. "I don't understand why you waste your time."

"It helps me blend in," Patton said with a sheepish smile. Everything from his shoes to his shirt was a shade of white or blue; he'd never been comfortable dealing in gray areas.

"I see." Logan adjusted his tie. "Well, I'll let you get back to it in a moment. I just came to pass on a message: Our intel has given us reason to believe that Armageddon is underway."

"Oh," said Patton vaguely, staring at a bag of something labeled 'pasta flour.' "Oh!"

"We'd like for you to keep an eye on Janus. He's a demon; he's on a similar mission to yours."

"I, uh," Patton swallowed hard, staring right through the pasta flour, "I've heard of him."

"Good." Logan put his hand on Patton's shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "Patton."

"Y-yes?"

"When I say 'keep an eye on' I mean I want you to watch him. It's a figure of speech."

Patton nodded, forcing his mouth to curve into a pale imitation of a smile. Logan nodded back and vanished.

"Well," Patton said to the pasta flour, "fiddlesticks."

Brother Emile Analogical had been raised a Satanist. There is no such thing as an orthodox Satanist, but if there was, that would be the kind of Satanism that Brother Emile's parents had practiced. He had graduated with unspectacular grades, joined the Paralleling Order of Saint Botild, and promptly moved from Nebraska to Florida: more specifically, to the unincorporated community of Misty in the greater Valendale area. The climate had taken some getting used to, not to mention the long, black robes he had to wear, but he had survived the transition and found himself a good fit for the Paralleling Order.

Note: Saint Botild Comminalitus of Malmö was reputed to have been martyred in the middle of the fifth century, for reasons unclear. It is said that the Lord granted him the power to draw parallels and connections between topics; his last words are reported to have been "This reminds me of that one story about Loptr, when he--" Then his assailants lit the pyre.

At the moment, Brother Emile was thinking about the tall, dark figure stalking down the hallways at him holding a basket, likening him to a Scooby-Doo villain, the way the shadows seemed to stick to him.

"Jinkies!" said Brother Emile once the figure was in earshot.

Janus raised an eyebrow at him over the tops of his sunglasses. "Hello."

Unphased by the cold greeting, Brother Emile pointed to the basket. "Is that the fairly odd baby?" he asked in a high-pitched coo that indicated he already suspected the answer.

"No," said Janus, rolling his eyes. "It's a basket of kittens I saved from drowning. Aren't you wondering why I'm all wet?"

"You're," Brother Emile started, and Janus braced himself, fearing the last frayed thread of his patience might snap if the sentence ended with the word 'dry,' "a Mister Grumpy Gills, aren't you?'

Janus thrust the basket at Brother Emile and did not dignify him with any answer more notable than a slight thinning of

his lips.

Brother Emile drew back the blankets and began to babble at the sleeping Antichrist. Janus took the opportunity to flee.

"Look at you," Brother Emile said happily. "Sleeping in a pic-a-nic basket, huh, Boo-boo?"

After a few more moments of cooing, babytalk, and Boomerang references, he remembered himself and found a wheeled bassinet for the baby Antichrist. 

There is a game, common among carnies and street magicians in which a ball is hidden under cups and shuffled around. Unbeknownst to himself, the two sets of new parents, and all the friars at St Botild's, Brother Emile Analogical was about to become a mark.

And Hell had had nothing to do with it.

same rate, and good and evil had a knack for balancing themselves out in the grand scheme of things. And this left Janus and Patton free to pursue other passions, which somehow resulted in the two of them spending a great deal of time in each other's company.

silence. "It's not even that I disagree with you," he said apologetically. "It's just, well, you know, I'm not allowed to disobey."

his hazelnut hot chocolate. "What's a shame?"

Janus nodded. "Roman Dowling."

Roman was about to turn 21, and lived his life according to the belief that everyone over the age of 30 was, in some degree, an 'elder').

wanna do that."

"Roman!"

people; every social interaction, no matter how minor, always kept his body as tense as wire.

[jarofstyles]

SK8ER BOI - Kickflip

A/N: Here is the first installment our take on bad boy harry! It gets into things pretty quick but there is lots of content to come. Skater boy Harry is essentially what you wish every boy with a nicotine addiction was like featuring Timothée Chalamet as the uninterested boyfriend 🤭 We had a lot of fun writing this story so we hope you enjoy! - n+d

send feedback and requests here

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masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: smut, cheating

word count: 8.5k

Y/N was just an average girl. 

Though some could say she tread on the nerdier side of things, she was neither here nor there as far as social groups at school. No one really bullied her, she sort of just kept to herself and did her work and that was all she needed to get by. Her parents were middle class, working average jobs, and Y/N would likely follow suit. She really wasn’t sure what she wanted to do just yet. Everything was fine in her life, except for the fact that her boyfriend of three years refused to touch her. It was a shame really. She had grown a really strong attachment to him and they used to hang out all the time, but as they got older it seemed like he wanted less and less to do with her. His status as student body president definitely helped her out and well... Everyone had a crush on Timothée. She really wanted to explore with him, wanted to pleasure him and vice versa, bond in a way so many others described. But she just boiled it down to her not being sexy enough for him. She saw the browser history on his computer when he left it out in his bed while showering. He didn’t even try to hide it. Y/N, couldn’t say she didn’t have fantasies about one particular bad boy. Harry. 

Harry was in fact, that skater boy. That one guy that rode his board out of school— until he had gotten his car. He still rode it around the school campus, not at all hiding it. Even at the age of 17, he had gotten tattoos. His parents were wicked cool. They didn’t mind him doing whatever as long as he did well in school, and attended functions like family parties and whatever. They were close, anyways. His father was a well known quantum physicist and his mum, a romance novel author. His group of friends called his home their main hang out area. He had a good head on his shoulder despite what his look may say. He knew people would definitely be judging him and truth be told, he didn’t much care. He was more into what he was working towards versus what high school champs had to say. 

Harry was intrigued when Mr. Beck partnered him with Y/N for a science project, though. She was a very good girl. Known for good grades and dating that class president dude, Timothée. He was pretty sure the dude was 100% gay or at least bi based on the subtle flirting he had initiated with Harry until a few years back when he decided to date Y/N. In his opinion, it was a waste because whenever he saw them, there was no passion. Y/N was hot as fuck— you’d have to be blind to not see it. But he didn’t know what went on behind the scenes. He wasn’t close with her but she seemed chill enough, so he didn’t mind when she was partnered with him. 

“Hey. Come in.” He said politely as he answered the door for Y/N, holding it open and taking her bag. He could hear the little jingle of bells on collars and realized he hadn’t warned her. “Uh— we have a bunch of cats. Is that cool? Or do we need to leave? Sorry, I didn’t think to ask if you were allergic or something.”

“Hi.” Y/N squeaked out, taking a step inside and thanking him for taking her bag. His house was massive! You’d never be able to tell he had a house like this just by looking at him, but the address clearly stated it was his so she didn’t bother leaving and looking for another. The first thing she noticed besides the beautiful interior of the house was the sound of little bells. Y/N turned her head to see about four cats coming towards her and her heart melted. “Oh my goodness! I didn’t know you had kitties!” She quickly dropped down to her knees to greet them, “hi little angels!” She cooed, sticking her hand out for each of them to have a sniff and see if they liked her or not before she went to pet them. She looked up at Harry with a bright smile, “Sorry, my parents never let me have pets after my bunny died in 4th grade because they didn’t want me to go through that emotional trauma again.” She knew it was a bit of an overshare, but that’s just the kind of person she was. Harry looked extremely attractive from this angle, ideas swirling around in her mind about all the things she could do with him. Y/N stood up again, fixing her little overalls before pulling off her shoes and leaving them by the door. She didn’t want to get a nice house like this all messy. She walked up to Harry again, expecting him to lead her towards his room or wherever they wanted to work.

Harry was impressed. All the cats seemed to like her, including Grumpy. He was named that for a reason. His smush face and grumpy look were warnings for how he really didn’t like anyone but Harry and his parents. But he was rubbing against Y/N’s hand and then her leg with a purr. 

“Oh. I’m sorry about your rabbit. It always sucks when they die.” Harry said softly. He wasn’t sure why she told him, but it did make him sad to hear it. He lost a cat a few months back and it did hurt. There was definite emotional trauma in it. “They like you. That’s cool. They’ll probably follow us up. Are you cool with going to my room? That’s where my computer is.” He hadn’t brought it down but his room was his preferred study space. He also didn’t want her to think he was some creep so gave her the option, which she nodded to. “It’s at the top, the attic space so prepare for some steps.” He said sheepishly, picking up her bag again so he could carry it up. “Oof. Are there bricks in ‘ere?” He was teasing.

“I don’t mind.” Y/N felt good about the fact that his cats liked her, she was rather fond of them already so she didn’t mind them coming upstairs with them. She felt herself get all nervous because well... she would be going to Harry’s room. He probably had no idea about the filthy thoughts she had about him, even just watching him walk up the stairs was hot. “No! Just my laptop and notebook... maybe a pencil case... and a water bottle.” Y/N defended, feeling her face get all blushy because she did realize there was quite a lot of stuff in her bag. However, walking up the stairs wasn’t all too difficult. They were perfectly spaced out which was nice, all of the decor in the house was beautiful but still very cozy. The house was definitely lived in. 

His room though? Goodness. 

“Wow...” Y/N mumbled as she stepped up inside. It was amazing. The walls were white but he had a theme of wood and navy, some vintage looking items here and there. Overall she noticed his little reading nook and what seemed to be an astronomy section with bean bags and a telescope. He even had a mini fridge in there and a cupboard... even a microwave! It was a whole little man cave. 

“Yeah, s’nice. It’s my own little place.” He smiled at her reaction, putting her bag down on his bed as he grabbed his laptop and unplugged it from the charger. “Want a water?” He didn’t listen for an answer, rather grabbed her one and handed it to her. His mum had raised him to always give company a drink. “We can work on my bed. The cats will probably come in here and pretend they aren’t looking for attention when they are.” He smirked, going over to his bed and sitting against the headboard like area. She looked shy so he tilted his head, patting the blanket. “C’mon then. Don’t be shy. This isn’t your first time in a boys room, is it?” He couldn’t imagine that Timothée was dating a hot bitch like Y/N and not be tapping it. If she didn’t have a boyfriend he would be trying to get her to know better because she really was gorgeous. But they’d been dating too long and Y/N probably wouldn’t go for that.

Y/N knew that her blush gave away her answer as she went to sit on his bed, not quite next to him though. She was a bit too nervous for that. In her mind she was already sitting on Harry’s lap with his hands gripping at her ass, his perfectly plump lips slotted between her own. Y/N shook her own thoughts out of her head but felt like she needed to answer his question. 

“Maybe it is...” She mumbled, pulling her laptop out of her bag and turning it on. It suddenly got very hot in his room and not just because they were in the attic. Y/N was burning up, his eyes were very obviously on her and she knew he’d ask and she’d definitely confess to him. She’d do anything Harry wanted her to do really, fuck. She just wanted to be touched. Seeing the look of shock and confusion prompted her to explain further despite how anxiety provoking it might have been. “Timmy and I don’t—” Y/N started, looking away feeling all embarrassed. “He won’t...” She couldn’t even say it, she was just that shy and embarrassed.

Oh. Wow. He didn’t.... he didn’t fuck her? Harry thought.

“You’re kidding?” He raised a brow. He understood what she meant. It went from zero to a hundred real quickly but he couldn’t say he was angry about it. He just didn’t understand why. 

Y/N’s face grew incredibly hot, looking up at Harry with a serious but semi spooked expression when he asked if she was kidding. She absolutely wasn’t kidding. If she was kidding she wouldn’t be so damn horny and ravenous. She felt like she could burst all the time, touch starved beyond belief. Sure, he’d kiss her, but never anything too passionate. It would always make him uncomfortable the second they got too hot. 

“How come you’re tellin’ me this? I mean... it’s fine you do, I won’t say shit but, we barely know each other.” He questioned, putting an arm behind his head as he looked expectantly at her for an answer. She was hot. Sexy as fuck, had that innocent good girl appeal and he loved that shit, personally. Timmy. God, the least sexy name to moan in bed. Really. He could only think about the fairy godparents cartoon. Ick. He was surprised though. “You’ve been dating for years, haven’t you?” It definitely wasn’t a Y/N problem. She was blurting things out so if she wanted to, she would have told him.

Y/N’s mouth went dry because well, she had an answer for him, she just wasn’t sure how he’d react. “cause... I know you enough to know you make me really nervous, especially right now.” Y/N was really bad at being sexy, her delivery and flirting was horrible but she hoped he picked up what she was putting down. “Yeah... we’ve been together for three years.” Y/N explained, letting out a deep breath. “It wasn’t so bad at first, but I just—” She was horny. She was so fucking horny it was ridiculous. She’d probably moan if they held hands at this point. “I’ve tried, but he’s not into it I guess.”

Harry could tell she was horny. He could feel it. He just knew. Looking at her, she was a bit antsy. Not able to sit still but most importantly, squeezing her thighs together. No way. She was horny and maybe partly because of him? 

“Not into it? That’s some bullshit.” Harry scoffed. “Not to be weird, but you’re hot as fuck. If he’s not into it he might be gay or is just blind.” He didn’t want to offend her but he had a feeling it was the first. Either way, there had to be a reason for him not wanting to eat the girl alive. Harry had definitely noticed Y/N before. She was cute, kind, had his favorite type of body, and had pretty, full lips. Also, a very cute laugh. She was innocent and he liked that type of vibe. Maybe it was a bit fucked to be aroused by that but hey, he was a teenage boy as well. “Don’t have to be nervous, babe. I don’t bite. Unless asked.” He gave her another smirk. Her blush was cute and her flush reminded him again at how easy it was to work her up. They’d begun working but Harry still had a question of two, and he could feel her hormones— he swore he could. The poor thing. 

Well. There it goes. 

The guy Y/N had been having sexual fantasies about for years calling her hot? Of course she wouldn’t be able to calm down now. Her face hadn’t cooled off, he didn’t really give her a chance to either. She just pulled her hair up into a bun but it didn’t help. Poor girl, you could see it on her neck too. She was just nervous and embarrassed and horny. So so horny. Timmy being gay though? It could be a solid explanation for why he didn’t want to touch her. It’s not like he looked at other girls, he always called her pretty and complimented her looks. Was always okay with cuddling and other platonic stuff.. maybe the kissing was just him trying to make it seem believable. Harry was always around though, sometimes she’d just imagine it was his hair she was carding through, that it was his jaw she was cupping instead of Timmy’s. She loved Timmy, she did, but she wasn’t sexually attracted to him. She tried to be, wanted to be, if he reciprocated maybe she would be? But even having Harry next to her was turning her on. Even hearing him say he didn’t bite unless asked? She could have died, swore she let out a whimper when she shifted. 

“Has he touched you at all?” Harry questioned.

“No, just kissed but like.. nothing crazy.”

“Seriously? He’s holdin’  out on you like that? That’s not fair.” Harry muttered. Fucking crazy. The fact that the guy got one of the hottest girls in school and refused to do anything with her when it was blatantly obvious that she needed a good dicking, more than anything? Negligent, at best. “You said you tried and he’s not into it... what did you try? Was it something weird or just asking?” He was trying to figure this out. “You don’t have to tell me and it’s none of my business but, m’just curious.” He was curious if she was hinting towards Harry taking care of it. Which he would happily do. The poor thing looked like she needed an orgasm more than anything else. He wouldn’t be opposed to a good make out session and finger fuck.

Y/N was surprised by how genuinely shocked he was that nothing was happening between her and Timmy. It made those butterflies spring up in her stomach and go haywire, his tone was suggesting he was curious which was good of course. If he thought she was attractive then... surely she wasn’t the problem. 

“I um...” Y/N was so nervous talking about this stuff, it really wasn’t like her at all. Hearing her say these things out loud made her physically cringe but he did ask. He couldn’t read her mind, could he? “Anytime I’d try to like... grind on him when we kiss and stuff, he’d just stop it.” She explained, feeling her cheeks get all boiling hot again. She regretted wearing a sweater. “I haven’t brought it up to him or anything cause I don’t want him to feel bad.” Y/N was still a sweetheart, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate. She’d been with him for three years, that was quite the long time.

“Jesus. That is either some good control or he can’t get hard. If he can’t, he's definitely not straight, babe.” Harry could be positive about that. Any straight man would be like an eager puppy to get between her legs. Harry included, if that was offered up. “M’sorry. That sucks. So you’ve been sexually frustrated for 3 years then?” He shook his head. “Not to be a dick, but how come you haven’t broken up with him yet? He isn’t meeting your needs. Any good man takes care of their girl. It’s just... how it should be.” Harry couldn’t believe this. “Trust me, you’re hot as fuck. Again, sorry if this is crude but— you’ve got the perfect thighs and probably a gorgeous pussy. Can’t imagine a man not wanting to get his mouth or hands on it. Or your tits. M’sure you’re told that often.” Maybe his vulgar speech would deter her but he had a feeling she would love it.

If someone told Y/N she’d be sitting on a bed with her crush while he told her that she had great thighs, tits, and assumed she had a gorgeous pussy, she would have laughed in their face. Harry looked completely serious too, his own eyes had grown dark and Y/N just felt stuck in shock. 

“Yeah..” She squeaked, swallowing thickly as she tried to focus back on the project but she was just staring at the screen. “He’s my best friend.. I care about him and he’s been there for me through a lot I— I couldn’t just do that.” She didn’t have the heart to break up with him. She needed a proper reason, just so she could feel guilt free. Y/N couldn’t just ask him to help her out could she? He had expressed to her how he felt like any good man took care of their girl's needs and well... she wasn’t his girl but oh did she want to be. As far as Y/N knew, he had slept around quite a lot. He thought she was attractive but he probably thought many girls were attractive. Maybe he’d just fuck anything? 

But she’d been thinking about him for so long.

Harry knew that she was avoiding looking at him because she was aroused by his words. She liked what he had to say and how he said it. It was obvious by her reaction. Which did make him smile a bit. She was flushed and biting her lower lip and he wanted to see just how flustered he could get her. 

“I get that. But how great is he if he’s not taking care of a need you obviously are being deprived of.” Harry muttered. Little French shit. He could fight him for that alone. “Are you horny, Y/N?” He asked. His body shifted so he was properly facing her, closer than before.

She really thought she’d be able to hold it together, but when he asked her flat out if she was horny she knew she couldn’t lie anymore. Y/N has fully shown up to do work and now it was looking like she was going to get an orgasm too? That seemed fake, there’s no way. But he had shifted a bit closer to her, completely forgetting about his laptop. Her eyes snapped to look up at him, swallowing thickly before looking back at her laptop. 

“Maybe.” She offered up shyly. She kept glancing up at him and looking away. She was just that nervous. Y/N couldn’t even pretend she felt bad for liking it either. It wasn’t like she hadn’t given Timmy an option, she was positive he probably would be upset... maybe he would be, but— she couldn’t pass this up, she’d been thinking about it for so long.

“Do you want me to take care of you?” Harry couldn’t pass this opportunity up either. Especially because it was a dream. Y/N was exactly his type and he liked her energy. She wasn’t being treated properly by her boyfriend and that wasn’t okay in his book. He knew she would say yes but the whimper made his stomach clench. She was desperate for it. The look on her eyes showed it. His hand came up to feel her face, immediately feeling her cheek lean into his touch. 

“Poor girl. Have been left to fend for yourself for a while. S’not fair to you. Not at all.” He sighed, truly in awe of how any man could let a wet cunt and a woman eager to use it up. “What would you like me to do?” He wanted to coax something out of her. “How worked up are you?”

Y/N’s heart dropped so far it probably fell out of her ass. Hearing him offer to take care of her sent her into a fit of emotions. Her eyes got all floaty, her cunt creating a second heartbeat, her body was naturally leaning towards his and she could have sworn she was dreaming at this point because it was all too good. Of course she agreed, closing her laptop and casting it aside so she could focus on the task at hand. She was far too focused on how good it felt to have his hand on her cheek that she hadn’t registered that he was asking her about what she wanted him to do. Y/N felt her face warm up all over again because she didn’t want to say it outright. It would sound so dirty, she felt like she couldn’t say. She scanned his eyes, waiting for him to say something but he wasn’t letting up. 

“I—I’m really sticky..” She whispered, already feeling shy and embarrassed about all of this. Y/N knew she wasn’t exactly sexy or anything.

Harry knew that she may be embarrassed of how she said things but to him, it was hot. The fact no one else had touched her before and she was going to let him... it was sexy as fuck. Especially because she has a boyfriend who wasn’t up to par with what she wanted.

“S’okay, love. That’s good. Very normal.” He felt himself harden a bit at the visual. “C’mere. Come on my lap.” He motioned for her to straddle him, which she did eagerly. Fuck, this was going to be fun. He was going to teach her some shit. “Why don’t you show me how you like to kiss, sweetheart? Let me see how you want things. Don’t be embarrassed about it either. I promise I’ll find it hot.” He pulled her face down to his and felt his body warm up, her eyes blow and obviously her face warm and eager to get herself touched. “Just kissing for a bit. Then I’ll touch.”’

She wasn’t sure how she was meant to keep her breathing steady when he had so casually just asked her to straddle his lap. Y/N didn’t really think before she moved, surprising even herself with how easily and comfortably she moved into his lap. She felt like everything had gone into slow motion, nodding when he asked her to show him how she liked to kiss. That she could do. 

Y/N was positive he could feel her clench, cunt throbbing at the idea of finally getting to kiss him. She’d been waiting for so long, she felt like she wouldn’t be able to stop once she started. With her face mere centimeters away from his face, she paused for a moment before letting her eyes flutter shut as she leaned in. 

Fuck. 

The pathetic sounding whimpered she released at the feeling had her blushing even harder. Y/N hadn’t made many sounds or answered many of his questions, but that was mostly because she was used to being quiet. This kiss however? God was it perfect. Y/N felt hungry, kissing him with such a desperate need. There was still passion behind it, but she just really wanted him.

Harry could tell this girl was hungry for it. Literally starved for orgasms and he couldn’t help but think about what a damn shame it was that no one had been giving it to her. When her mouth tasted this good and she was so eager and hot in her kisses, he would give her whatever the fuck she wanted. He kissed deep right back, hand wrapping around her hip and pulling her down on to him. She was pleased at that, Harry showing her it was okay to grind. Which, to be honest, may have been a mistake considering how good she was at it. He groaned into her mouth as she rocked and worked her hips, her lips open as she whimpered. 

“S’it good? Think you’re rubbin’ your clit right against my cock like that.” He murmured into her mouth, wanting to talk dirty and see what she would do. What she would respond with.

She couldn’t have imagined it being this good, him kissing her back as if he too had wanted her for all this time. It didn’t feel like this when she kissed Timmy, as awful as it was to say, she was starting to think that maybe Harry was right about him. She was quickly snapped out of those thoughts when his hand pushed her hips down against him. 

“Mmmm” A long whine fell into his mouth, her hips moving at a pretty eager pace. Y/N really wanted to cum. She wanted it so bad she genuinely thought she’d lose it. Of course, she’s made herself cum before, but it felt so different when someone else was involved. Especially that someone being Harry. Y/N felt her cunt throb at the dirty talk. Another pathetic sounding moan fell from her lips and her eyes nearly rolled back in pleasure. “Feels so good.” She whimpered against his lips, desperate for him to touch her. Y/N wasn’t sure what he would do, but having his hands on her? In any way? She would surely lose her mind. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, sticking to his shoulder cause it just seemed right to steady herself. Y/N needs something more.

“Good. You can touch me.” Harry gave her the go ahead. “Wherever you want.” She obviously didn’t know how to do it and he wasn’t going to shame her or want to make her feel uncomfortable. Rather, he slid a hand up her skirt, gently lifting it up and getting his hands into her panties. It was arousing to say the least. His hands held her ass, grabbing at it and helping her move her hips. Holding the bare skin, he squeezed and licked into her mouth, feeling her work her cunt harder and hump a little faster against him. Obviously it felt good to her. “Such a perfect ass, baby.” He whispered, giving her a sweet pet name. “So eager for me. So sweet.” He chuckled, moving to kiss at her neck. She was going to lose it and he liked that he was the one doing it.

Funny how things unfolded exactly how Y/N pictured it in her mind. The second she sat down on the bed she was thinking about straddling him and having his hands on her ass and now that’s exactly what they were doing. It felt so fucking good too. Y/N was trying to hold back her whimpers, but Harry didn’t let up. He just kept licking into her mouth, rubbing and squeezing at her ass as if she wasn’t completely losing it in his lap. Her hands hand hesitantly traveled up to his hair, the way she’d do it to Timmy except... he seemed to respond in a much more appropriate way. Harry seemed to like it, liked it a lot based on the hard squeeze he gave her ass. Y/N let out shaky moans when his lips attached to her neck, she couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Please— I need more.” She pleaded, “feels good, but I need more.. please.” Y/N was begging him to touch her. She wouldn’t tell him explicitly, but if he wanted to lay her down and work his fingers against her she’d like that or even if he wanted to put his mouth to work. Anything, she just needed to cum.

“There we go. Love to hear you ask me.” Harry had been waiting for that begging, and he had gotten it. There was a quick switchover, Harry laying her down and gently moving so he was between her thighs. He would start simple. His finger ran over the soaked through cotton of her pink panties, groaning at the sight. “They’re completely soaked.” He hissed, gently pulling them to the side. He couldn’t stop the deep breath that came when he saw her arousal stringing to the panties when he moved it over. “Fuck me. S’sticky all over your panties. I love that.” He has that effect on her, didn’t he? That was the best part. He had done that. He was going to make her feel the best she ever had. Fingers spread her open, a hum of appreciation coming from his mouth. “Just like I knew it. You’ve got the prettiest pussy... so wet... look how swollen your clit is.” He murmured, thumbing over it. It was visible and his mouth was watering. That pressure on her clit alone had the girl jilting under his touch, making him feel satisfied. His thumb rubbed harder in the sensitive part, watching her face scrunch up in pleasure. “So pretty. Fuck. Can’t believe he’s never touched it. Left it for me to play with.”

Thank goodness she was laying down because Y/N was sure she wouldn’t have been able to keep herself up. He had simply lifted her skirt and revealed her panties, he didn’t even think twice. It seemed everything he did just turned her on. She liked that he just took what he wanted but also made sure she was feeling good. Y/N didn’t realize just how wet she was until he started to run his fingers over her and they felt completely slick. Her eyes rolled back, one of her hands gripping at his bed sheets while the other stayed on the nape of his neck tangled into his perfect locks. Her breath hitched, her other hand moving to cover her mouth because she knew she was about to be so fucking loud. Her body practically twitched whenever he rubbed over her swollen clit, his fingers were working magic in her and honestly, she wasn’t even sure if she could do it better herself. 

“Ah!” Y/N whined, her hips bucking up against his touch when she felt herself getting closer. She was so worked up she knew she could cum right then and there if he would let her. Her body was giving it away.

It made Harry all too aware of how stupid Timothée was. He wasn’t touching this cunt? Wasn’t getting these reactions? He had to be gay. There was no other way. 

“You’re so sensitive... fuck.” Harry couldn’t believe she was trusting him. If all people do this to her. It wasn’t like they’d ever been close. They went to each other’s birthday parties in elementary school like all the kids in classes did. But that was about it. Thank god for anatomy. 

“Just relax, love.” He muttered, spreading her legs further as he got comfortable. “This is gonna feel really good. Just do what feels right. Can pull on my hair... be as loud as you want, please. Love to hear I’m going a good job.” He smirked, holding her thighs open as he licked one thick stripe up her cunt.

“Oh— oh my god!” Y/N gasped loudly when she felt his wet tongue on her cunt. Her legs twitched from the pleasure that was spiking now that he was focused in her clit. Her hand traveled down to tug at his hair as suggested, her whole body reacting to his actions. She’d never felt anything like this before, felt like she was dreaming. At first she was a bit shy with the noises she was making, but he clearly didn’t like that, immediately increasing the pressure and speed and sticking to it so that she was a moaning mess for him. Y/N knew that if anyone was home they’d think someone was being tortured but god— it was nothing but sweet sweet pleasure. When Y/N played with herself on her own she never pushed her limits like Harry was doing. She was so sensitive and she knew that, but he was purposely working over her most sensitive spots so she was writhing and twitching beneath him. “Ah— mmmm—“ Y/N whined out, “Harry!” She gasped, feeling herself falling over the edge quite rapidly. Her orgasm hit her like a ton of bricks, it was so incredibly fast she wasn’t ready for that at all. Her moans were high pitched and whiny, her breathing heavy as she tried to get air in her lungs. She held herself back too, felt like she was going to pee on him if he kept going.

Harry kept going. 

If this was her first orgasm by someone else, her first proper orgasm? She was going to get the best one. He knew she was sensitive— could feel it in her shaking thighs, but he was a man of conviction. He went full on, suckling on her clit. The way she was reacting was beautiful, a soundless scream followed by his name and shudders. However— he wasn’t expecting her to squirt. It was the hottest damn thing he had ever experienced in his life. Her first orgasm and she was cumming that hard, Harry pulling back and rubbing her clit hard as she continued to leak. 

“Fuuuuuck, yes. Give it to me, sweetheart.” He groaned. Holy fuck. He hadn’t expected it to turn out like this at all but he wasn’t going to complain.

The sound that escaped her even shocked Y/N. A loud, borderline pained, scream left from her throat and her eyes squeezed shut. Her breathing was shaky, her hands having moved to cover her face because holy fuck was she overwhelmed. It was a lot. Y/N didn’t think it was humanly possible to cum that hard, and he just kept going. She was so sensitive it hurt, especially when he started rubbing on her clit after she seemingly peed on him but, he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she thought he liked it. Y/N was in an endless stream of whimpers and throaty moans, he didn’t seem like he was giving up any time soon and she wasn’t sure if she could handle another. 

“It hurts—” She whimpered out, moving her hands from her face to grip at the pillow behind her. “But it feels so good.” Y/N was completely fucked. So gone for, the hormones and endorphins overcoming her. He seemed to know what he was doing, so she let him continue. She didn’t want him to stop if she was going to keep feeling like this.

“God, you’re so good. Letting me do whatever I want... we’re so deprived before, weren’t you?” Harry was shocked. The fact she was letting him continue, shaking but loving every bit? He was happy. Damn. Finally, a girl who could keep up with him and she had to be taken. “You okay?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over her clit lazily. His mouth had kissed at her thighs, biting down gently on one. “Hm.. can I mark here?” It wasn’t like her boyfriend was gonna see it. “And you don’t mind if I get myself off, do you?” He wanted to cum on her thighs or her stomach. His cock ached in his pants and he had no problem just getting her off, but he needed to cum. Of course he wouldn’t ask her to do anything, though. Despite it all, he respected her. She was a good girl. He was tainting her a bit but, she was happy to be tainted.

Y/N nodded her head to let him know she was okay, but he didn’t seem happy with her nodding, he wanted an answer. “Yes.” She whimpered out an answer to all of the things that he asked, still breathing shakily and twitching whenever the tension built up enough. The slow rubbing on her clit was still bringing her lots of pleasure, it made her want to cum again and that freaked her out. Could she really take that much? She’d never seen a cock in person before. Only even in porn but she didn’t watch that either because it made her feel yucky. Y/N swallowed thickly, seeing just how big he was. Holy shit. That was meant to fit inside someone? She already had trouble sticking her fingers in, but that? However, she was interested in watching him. Y/N watched him with loopy eyes, knowing for a fact she’d worship him after this. If he let her come back for more she happily would. Hell, she’d follow him around like a puppy if he kept making her feel like this.

It was probably the hottest hook up Harry’s ever had. Truth be told. He was in shock that Y/N was so needy for it and the fact she had let him be the one to play with her, to get her off, it was astonishing. There was nothing hotter than watching her legs open and pussy pulsing a bit from the intensity of her orgasms. 

“Mmm... you’re fucking hot.” Harry hissed, stroking himself as he bit down on her thigh. She let out a yelp that turned into a whine as he sucked a mark on to the softness of it, smirking when she rutted into his finger. After that though, he decided to take things up. “M’not gonna go in. Just... relax.” He rested himself against her cunt and rubbed the tip against her clit as he stroked himself heavily, hissing when her slickness covered him. It made it easy to stroke. “Jesus, you’re good. Feels good, hm? Better than your own fingers?” He knew it was. She looked fucked out, hips bucking into his own as he approached his own orgasm. Would it be too far to cum on her cunt? “Can I... fuck, can I cum on your cunt?” He had originally wanted her tummy or her thighs but seeing his cock against her now... he felt a bit primal.

Y/N had never expected this. This was the farthest she’d gone with anyone and the fact that it was with the guy that she’d been fantasizing about for years? It felt so unreal, definitely added to the intensity of her orgasms. Having him mark her? In a place where she’d be the only one to find it? That made her cunt throb. He started rubbing himself on her and she felt like that was a whole other level of horny. He felt so good against her, Y/N didn’t think she was that hot but Harry seemed to think so and that was enough to get her to feel confident enough to answer him with her full voice when he asked to cum on her cunt. 

“Yeah... you can cum on me..” Y/N didn’t have it in her to say cunt yet, but baby steps nonetheless. Harry was so hot, he looked so good above her. They weren’t even naked, just their lower halves, which in a way made it hotter because they were just that needy. His face was still slick with her, and that was something she couldn’t get over. 

It was apparent that Y/N didn’t know just how hot she was and that was a goddamn shame in Harry’s opinion. Because she was. She was so hot and he was sure that this wasn’t going to be the only time they had fun. 

“Fuck.. fuck.” He hissed as he began to cum on her. There was nothing like watching his cum stripe over her, soiling it with the white cream. It only made his orgasm better, a groan leaving him as he ran his cock through the slit and pressed against her clit again. “Fuck me, that’s so hot.” He whispered, mouth open at just how good it looked. When he saw her gawking at it, her tits moving under the fabric of her top, he smirked. “Want to taste it?” He ran two fingers through the mess.

Watching Harry cum was definitely the hottest thing Y/N had ever seen, the sounds he released and his scrunched up face was enough to make her shudder. On top of that, the feeling of hot cum ribboning over her cunt was something that she again couldn’t explain. It felt good, satisfying, especially because he seemed to be dying over it.

“Yes.”

It was a quiet squeak of an answer but it was an answer. Y/N was curious, she wanted to know what he tasted like and had a feeling that he too wanted her to try. If she didn’t like it she’d pretend to like it, but holy fuck she did actually like it. It was salty, a strange texture, but definitely not the worst thing she’d ever had in her mouth. It had its own taste, but she enjoyed that. Her mouth was wrapped around his fingers, gently licking and sucking the cum off his fingers while watching his eyes. He seemed to like this a lot too. Y/N was learning quite a bit, mostly that Timmy was definitely gay. But she didn’t just want to confront him like that that wouldn’t be fair. As soon as she was done, Harry kissed her again. This time it was more gentle than before. A kiss of appreciation. That was some good shit. Harry hadn’t been with someone who was a virgin and didn’t realize how horny they got— maybe it was just Y/N, though. He could have been having this and he didn’t. 

It was a good thing for Harry though. He got to have what he wanted and while he knew that was a lot, he didn’t really care that he could potentially hurt his feelings. He had made Y/N feel inadequate anyways. 

“Let me clean you up.” He murmured, smiling when she pouted when he pulled away. He was gentle with it, wiping her clean with tissues next to his bed. When she jumped, he chuckled. 

“Sensitive, I know.” He was smug about it though. Yes. He had done that. Though it was a shame she was too sensitive to clean it with his tongue. He would have been down.

The kiss was definitely something that Y/N needed. It was a nice little reminder that Harry was a gentleman and that she hadn’t just gone and done stuff with someone who was a complete asshole. Y/N always knew that Harry was a good guy, sure she’d heard rumors about him and knew he had gotten around and did drugs, but never had she heard about him being mean. Even when cleaning her up he was gentle, but of course she felt all shy again because she was laying fully exposed in front of the guy she had a crush on who had just made her cum three times within the span of 20 minutes. It was a lot. She’d completely forgotten about the fact that she was here to do an anatomy project. Y/N stayed quiet for the most part, letting him clean her up. Once she was finished she slipped on her panties again, though it felt quite dirty because they were still soaking wet. She’d need to take a shower when she got home. “Thank you.” She told him, feeling herself blush all over again.

“You’re welcome. Do you want a pair of boxers or something to wear instead of your panties?” Harry didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. At the relieved look on her face, he chuckled and went to his drawer, grabbing his smaller pair. “Here. May be big on you but, better than being uncomfortable.” He threw them to her and grabbed his water bottle, taking a sip before sitting down. “Want to do this project then?” Now that the sexual tension was at least fixed for a bit, he was happy to get to work. He wanted to see her get a good grade too. It didn’t have to be weird. 

“Oh, thanks.” Y/N smiled bashfully and stood up to change into them. There was no need for her to be all shy about it anymore. Y/N put her dirty panties to the side, taking a sip of her water bottle as well because lord knows she needed up. She was definitely a lot looser after their little activities, much more relaxed and open to talking and working. 

It really did feel better after they'd fucked around. Harry noticed that Y/N was more loose and seemed to feel more at ease now that he’s had his mouth on her pussy. They’d done a bit today and he was sure he would be on her mind for a long time after she left, which made him smug. 

----

They were finishing up when he asked for her number. “Put yours in. Dunno if you want to do this again but... I wouldn’t mind.” Harry would love it.

Y/N was already thinking about doing this again. Now that all her initial nerves were out of the way, she felt like I’d be easier for her to do things with him. She’d probably never initiate it again like this until she was this desperate, but whenever he wanted her again, if he did, she’d happily come over. She typed in her number and texted herself.

“The project or?” Y/N was a bit stupid sometimes, she didn’t want to assume he wanted to but based on the look on his face she figured he meant the other thing. “Oh, yeah— I um... I’d like that very much.” She said and finished putting her stuff away. “Thanks again... I’ll see you.” Y/N spoke when he walked her down the stairs and out the door. 

She’d left her panties in his room.

He had come upstairs to find the lovely gift that was left. Sure, it wasn’t on purpose but it was his now. He’d let her know that. They smelled like her and damn, it was good. Stuffed in his side drawer, he sat and absorbed the whole thing. Maybe he should feel guilt for having her cheat. But she needed it. The poor girl was nearly frothing at the mouth with need for sexual release and something about him tickled her. He couldn’t say no to that. Especially when she was so excited to do it and so responsive. 

Later that night he texted her. 

‘Hey, it’s Harry’

‘Did you want to come over again on Friday and work?’ He snickered at that. They’d work but... he knew by Friday she would be wanting more. 

‘Also, appreciate the gift you left. They’re lovely. Xx’ He sent a picture of the waistband of the panties in his hand.

On the bike ride home Y/N felt herself whimper every time she went over a bump. Harry had definitely done a number on her and she couldn’t have been more thankful. She texted Timmy when she got home, asking him about how he was and how his day was as usual though, she was surprised she didn’t feel really guilty. By the time she had showered and freshened up, she saw that she’d received texts back from both of them, but of course she wanted to answer Harry’s first. 

‘Hii! yeah, I can do that!’

‘oh my god 🤭’

She left them at his house? Fuck. She should have just put them in her bag but... she did have his boxers, so it didn’t really matter did it? Timmy had texted her back responding with how his day went saying he was super busy getting ready for his re-election campaign. It was his way of saying they wouldn’t really be able to hang out. She told him that she was sad but that she’d see him at school. Realistically she knew she needed to talk to him, but she wanted him to be able to tell her I’m his own time. She’d stop trying to have sex with him, only if he tried though.

‘I’ll be having fun with them. They’re in great hands. Don’t worry.’

He was smug about it for sure. But still, he couldn’t help but feel beyond happy about it because perhaps he had found a new person to fuck around with. Sure, he liked hook ups at parties but he had wanted a designated person to be around and fuck with. And Y/N was a cool chick. He hadn’t paid too much attention to her before, only to notice she was hot and also questioning why she was dating that kid. But the closer he got, the hotter she was. And fun to be around after she chilled out. She hadn’t mentioned being surprised by his room and the kind of nerdy star stuff in it. So he liked her a bit more for that. 

‘Good. Come over on Friday and we can work late. My dad’s away and my mom is on her book tour shit, so we’ll be alone, if that’s cool w you?’

Was he? He was flirting a bit wasn’t he? Y/N wasn’t exactly sure but him suggesting that his parents would be away and that they would be alone in his house again made butterflies erupt in her stomach. She was really excited to see his cats again and hang out, they’d likely finish another part of their project and likely fuck around a bit and that made her nervous all over again. 

‘Okaaay sounds good :) ’

She set her phone on her stomach and just looked up at the ceiling. Holy shit. Y/N couldn’t wait for Friday now, excited to see what else he’d have in store for her. She was simply excited to get to know him a bit more, he was hiding a lot of stuff from people from school. Of course she noticed all the astronomy shit in his room, saw the tons of books that he had with sticky notes showing they were clearly annotated. There was a lot more to him than met the eye.

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[part 2]

A/N: Without giving too much away, yes, skater boy harry is bi and is whore for astronomy but we’ll get into that later ;) - n+d

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