#i always have to cath my breath when i watch these scene and i think thats so yunlan of me

[dwarvencraftsdirectfromorzammar]

talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it

[laurenairay]

I'm still haunted by the memories - S. Crosby

Summary: Maeva thought five years was long enough to get over Sidney breaking her heart. Apparently not.

Words: 5.5k

This is my fic for @senditcolton​’s birthday bingo! I chose the bingo squares ‘wedding season’, ‘It was always you’, ‘free space – argument scene’, ‘second chance romance’, and ‘interrupted kiss’. I haven’t written a full fic for Sid in ages, so I really hope you like this!

Warnings: angst, past break up scene, exes to (potential) lovers

Title: Little do you know, by Alex & Sierra

~

“What am I to you?”

“What?” Sidney asked, confused.

“What am I to you? What do I mean to you?”

“What’s going on, Maeva?” he asked, frowning.

“Can you just answer my question please?”

Sidney frowned even more at the sharpness of her voice. “You’re my girlfriend. I love you. What’s going on?”

“You love me?”

“Yes! Mae, seriously…”

She could tell he was getting frustrated now, but that didn’t settle the gnawing feeling in her stomach.

“We’ve been together five years now. I love you more than I thought could’ve ever loved anyone. Five years of cheering you on no matter what. Five years of supporting you and the team and all the better halves as they’ve come and gone. Five years of always coming second but putting on a smile because I know hockey is your whole world. But I thought I would’ve at least had a part of it?”

“I don’t understand what you mean. Of course you’re part of my world,” Sidney said, confused.

Was he really going to be that cruel, to pretend he didn’t know what she meant?

“At the team get together this weekend, when we celebrated the latest Pens rookie getting engaged, someone joked to you about when you were going to put a ring on my finger too. But you just snorted and changed the subject…”

She trailed off, watching Sidney’s face pale a little bit, his reaction sinking like a stone in her stomach.

“I don’t…where did you hear that?”

“I was right behind you, Sid. I was right there and Kris & Cath saw me but you didn’t. They sent me pitying smiles and I hated it, Sid. Why don’t you want a life with me?” Maeva asked, her voice finally cracking as tears threatened to spill.

“We already have a life together. Why do we need to complicate it?”

“Complicate it? You think marriage is just a complication?” she shot back.

“I just don’t see why we need to put a label on things. We’ve got a good thing going,” Sidney huffed.

“Labels? Are you kidding me? I’m nearly 30, Sid, and all I have to show for the thing I’ve poured my heart into for five years is a couple of photos on your cup days? You won’t take me out in public, you don’t talk about me to anyone outside of your team and your immediate family, you can clearly drop me at any moment…are you ashamed of our relationship? Have I been wasting my time?”

“Damn it Mae, I’m not ashamed! I thought you understood that I like my privacy!”

That’s all he took out of it?

“I know you value it, Sid, but I didn’t think it would get to this point. I didn’t think you would go this far. I’m tired of being an afterthought to you!”

“And I’m tired of you being so insecure!”

Her breath hitched in her throat as a pang of hurt rang through her chest, and she could see a flash of regret immediately pass over Sidney’s face.

“Maeva…”

“I’m done. I can’t do this anymore, Sid. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel appreciated and there is nothing wrong with wanting to know that I have a future to look forward to. Because apparently I don’t. Who knew that Sidney Crosby was such a commitment-phobe?”

~

Maeva glanced out of the airplane window, hazy memories passing through her mind as the plane started its decent into Halifax airport. It didn’t seem like it had been five years since her life with Sidney had fallen apart, almost as long as their just-over-five-years relationship. But the memories of that awful night still burned her heart like a hot poker. She may have left him that night, may have returned to Canada, but she hadn’t been able to move back to Nova Scotia. She’d tried, sure, but she’d only lasted a few months before the memories of their time there together was too much to bear too. It had felt right to flee to the other side of Canada, all the way to Vancouver where she was able to secure an apartment and a job where no-one knew who she was. Maeva had only visited her parents a few times in the five years since – and only when she knew he absolutely wouldn’t be there.

Everything had just hurt too much. It still did.

But now, for the first time in as long as she could remember, she was heading back to Cole Harbour in the summer. Her cousin Natasha was getting married, and her aunt had begged Maeva to come home to join her parents in attending. If it wasn’t for the fact that she and Natasha had grown up as close as sisters, Maeva would’ve found an excuse somehow – but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. All she had to do was survive the long weekend. It was late Thursday evening that she’d flown over, leaving Friday for wedding errands, Saturday for the pre-wedding celebrations, and Sunday for the wedding day itself - both ceremony and reception. She’d managed to book a flight home at midday on Monday, but she knew that this weekend was going to be a test of her strength.

Maeva had done so well to protect her heart for so long, and she didn’t want a few days back in Cole Harbour to ruin it.

It didn’t take long for her to pick up her suitcase and head to the arrivals area, a small smile crossing her lips at the sight of her dad waiting for her. Maeva could happily admit that she was a daddy’s girl, through and through, the two of them having the only blonde hair in the family, his quiet calm aura always making her feel happy and secure. That was one of the only things she regretted about not toughing it out in Cole Harbour – she didn’t get to spend the time with her dad that he deserved.

She made a mental note not to take that for granted this weekend.

“My little Maeva,” he said gruffly, warmth seeping into every word as he hugged her tightly.

“It’s good to see you. I’m…I’m sorry it’s been so long,” she murmured when they eventually separated.

“Oh don’t you worry about that. I’m just glad you’re home for the wedding. Lord knows I need a little more sanity in the house.”

Maeva just snickered, looping her arm through her dad’s as they started to walk out to the parking lot. “Mom’s succumbed to wedding fever then?”

“Happily skipped into crazy town, more like it,” he grinned, “I don’t think I can survive another day of folding bits of paper into little birds to decorate the tables.”

Maeva just grimaced, making her dad laugh. That sounded like her idea of nightmare chaos. “Any chance we can avoid most of the wedding prep tomorrow?”

Her dad just smiled indulgently. “Oh I’m sure I can figure something out.”

She really had missed him.

~

Just as her dad had promised, he managed to get the two of them out of the intense wedding preparations that the family were taking part in on Friday. The two of them went out for a long breakfast in the morning, before her mom could bundle her into the car and over to her aunt’s, and after a slow walk by the waterside, telling him all about her life in Vancouver and her small circle of friends and her low-key retail managerial career, they eventually made their way back to the house. Her mom was annoyed with them both, Maeva knew that much, but she couldn’t stay mad at Maeva for long, not really when she knew exactly why her only daughter never came home – and Maeva made up for it by ironing her dad’s shirt for the wedding and steaming his suit, her mom’s dress, and her own dress, while her father shined his shoes to her mom’s satisfaction.

There would be enough time to apologise to her cousin on Saturday during the welcome lunch up at Hatfield Farm, where 30 close family and friends would be staying overnight ahead of the wedding on Sunday (with the same 30 staying on the Sunday night). Thankfully the venue was only a 40 minute drive from her family home in Cole Harbour, so she would have plenty of time to make her flight back to Vancouver on the Monday.

She just had to get through the weekend first. One step at a time.

Saturday morning was as chaotic as Maeva thought it would be. Her mom had the three of them loading up her dad’s car like a military operation, checklist on clipboard included, to make sure that nothing was left behind, especially as their part of the family was in charge of the table centrepieces and fairy lights for decorating the reception hall. Once all of that, and their wedding outfits (and shoes and accessories) were ready, along with their overnight bags, it was coming close to midday, and with a picnic basket full of snacks and drinks for the little cabin that the three of them would be staying in, they hit the road.

Despite everything, it made Maeva smile as she recognised the other cars on their journey, all of them making their way to Hatfield Farm like a miniature invasion. The curse of a small town.

It didn’t take long to sort out the accommodation keys, and once Maeva had hung up her dress for the wedding (at her mom’s request to reduce wrinkles), she sprayed a little perfume and fluffed up her blonde hair before rejoining her parents.

“Ready to face the circus?” her dad grinned.

“Honestly,” her mom tutted, elbowing him.

But even she gave Maeva a worried glance.

“I’ll be fine. Cole Harbour may be a small town, but it’s not like Sidney can pop up everywhere,” Maeva said, trying to convince herself as much as them. “It’ll be good to celebrate Natasha’s happy day.”

“Atta girl,” her dad said gruffly.

Her mom just nodded, threading her fingers through her dad’s to silently lead them across the grounds to the main reception hall, where the welcome lunch was being held. They weren’t the last people there, not by any means, but they definitely weren’t the first. Maeva could see her cousin walking towards them with a big smile on her face, dressed in a gorgeous peach dress and looking radiant with happiness, and that joy was infectious.

Until Maeva glanced across the other side of the room, that is.

The sound of her breath catching in her throat was enough to make her parents look in the same direction, and her unflappable dad scowled in a way she’d never seen before.

“What is he doing here?” her dad asked lowly, lips pursing as he turned back to look at her cousin.

Natasha glanced over and cursed under her breath. “Sid wasn’t meant to be arriving until later. I was meant to have enough time to give you a warning, Maeva. Carl invited him but wasn’t sure if he could make it – they’ve been friends since they were kids.”

“Curse of a small town,” she murmured, her smile shaky.

She glanced back at him, thankful that he hadn’t noticed her looking yet, her heart racing in a way that made her feel sick as she took him in. Sidney looked good, of course he did. Broad shoulders, giant ass, and thick thighs filling out his suit so perfectly, hair dusted with grey in a way that only made him look distinguished. He was standing sideways, talking with Nate (of course Nate was here too) and a couple of other guys from their hometown, and as he laughed, head thrown back, the sound of his ridiculous honking giggle made her want to cry.

She wasn’t ready. How could she think she was ready?

Her mom subtly took her hand in hers, squeezing gently to reassure her, only making her dad curse under his breath again.

“Hey, you’re my cousin. If him being here is going to ruin your weekend, I can kick him out. I don’t care if his name is on the town sign – you are family,” Natasha said firmly, voice still quiet.

Tears stung at her eyes slightly at her cousin’s care, but she shook her head. No, no she had to face being in Cole Harbour at the same time as him at some point. She wasn’t going to let him ruin things, not this time. “It’s been five years. I’ll survive.”

Natasha just frowned, taking Maeva’s free hand in her own.

“You just say the word and he’s gone, okay? I haven’t had a chance to be bridezilla yet,” she said, grinning sharply.

Maeva laughed a little wetly, shaking her head again, squeezing Natasha’s hand and her mom’s to say thank you silently.

“Everything will be fine. There will be enough people here that you can just avoid him!” her mom said, smiling.

Maeva didn’t need to look at her dad as he huffed to know that just wouldn’t happen. But still, she had to believe it was possible or she wasn’t even going to make it through today. She could avoid him as much as possible – there was only so much her heart could handle.

“Drinks?” Natasha suggested.

“Hell yes,” Maeva sighed.

Drinks, then setting up the reception hall with the fairy lights, and bringing in all of the table centrepieces ready for the venue staff to set up in the morning. Then maybe some more drinks. She could handle that.

When she eventually went to sleep close to midnight, her heart was aching in the worst way – Maeva hadn’t expected to actually be able to avoid Sidney, but she also hadn’t expected to feel his eyes trailing her around the room for the entire day.

And she was dreading tomorrow even more, now that she knew he would be there.

~

Breakfast in the morning was a communal affair. The wedding ceremony wasn’t until 2pm, and the staff at Hatfield Farm were putting on a breakfast spread for all the guests from 7-9am, so Maeva was making good use of it, knowing she wouldn’t eat for hours after this. Her dress was a flowy one thankfully, so she didn’t have to worry about carb bloating – it was one of the reasons she’d chosen it, along with the fact at it was light and airy enough for the warm weather and a gorgeous shimmery gold colour that complimented her wonderfully. And it didn’t conflict with the beautiful lilac and cream wedding colours either, which was a bonus.

Her parents had already eaten and headed back to the accommodation, leaving Maeva to finish her orange juice in peace. Still, being back in Cole Harbour after all this time, surrounded by people that she’d left behind in her efforts to leave him behind…it was almost too much, and she found herself stepping outside for some air to clear her head.

One more day.

She could make it one more day.

But the moment that she heard footsteps walking over to her, she knew her luck had run out.

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get you alone.”

Hello to you too, Sidney.

“Why would you even want to?” Maeva said, voice cold and polite as she turned to face him.

Sidney just winced. “Mae, come on, you know why.”

Oh screw him. Shortening her name like he used to, playing with her emotions like that? No.

“No, Sidney, I don’t know why,” she said shortly, “We broke up five years ago, almost as long ago as the whole length of our relationship was – so what could you possibly have to say to me?”

“Please don’t be like this. I’m trying to apologise,” he said, frowning.

“Apologise for what, exactly?” she asked, folding her arms over her chest.

Sidney just huffed out a frustrated breath, putting his coffee mug down on a nearby table.

“Maeva, I’m serious. I’m trying to be the bigger person here and-”

“Are you kidding me? The bigger person? Our relationship ended because you couldn’t commit, Sidney, and you’re talking about being the bigger person like I’ve done something wrong?” she said angrily,

The nerve. What the hell.

“If you would just listen to me…”

“Listen to what? What could you possibly have to say to me?” she spat, cutting him off again.

“If you’d stop interrupting me then I could actually say it!” he shot back, shades away from shouting.

“Uh, guys?”

Maeva looked sharply to the left, seeing Nate standing there awkwardly looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“What, Nate?” Sidney said shortly, cheeks flushed.

“Uh, your mom is looking for you, Maeva,” he explained, grimacing.

“Thanks. We were done here anyway,” Maeva said coldly.

“No we…”

But she just stormed away, not letting Sidney finish, ignoring the hissed conversation between the two men, trying desperately to keep her composure until she was alone. Just as Nate said, her mom was glancing around, and the moment that she spotted her, her face fell.

“Let’s get back to the rooms to get ready, yes?” her mom said, pasting a smile on her face.

It was all Maeva could do to nod, letting her mom usher her along, the fire in her chest from their building argument fizzling away into an all-consuming black hole of sadness. Why would he confront her like that? Why would he want to unsettle her like that after all these years? She would never have thought of him as cruel, but this…this was the last thing she needed. Those few minutes were everything she’d been trying to avoid, and the wedding hadn’t even officially start yet – how was she going to make it through the rest of the day?

The moment that their cabin door was shut behind them, her mom whirled around to face her.

“Maeva, sweetie, what happened?”

She opened her mouth to explain, but all that she managed to do was start crying, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her mom let out an uncharacteristic curse, cradling her in her arms, only making Maeva sob harder. This is why she never came home. This is exactly why.

She didn’t know how long it took for her to calm down, for her sobbing and tears to fade to sniffles, and she was just glad that her mom hadn’t changed into her wedding outfit yet.

“Give me the word and I will get laxatives put in his drinks. I know people,” her mom said seriously.

Maeva choked out a laugh, smiling shakily at her mom’s attempt to cheer her up, but shook her head.

“It was stupid. Just stupid. I wish he wasn’t here but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of leaving,” Maeva said sadly.

“You’re a braver woman than I am,” her mom said, huffing out a laugh.

“Nah, I get it from you, eh?”

Her mom just smiled shakily, giving her another quick hug before pulling back to rest her hands on her shoulders.

“Let’s get ready for this wedding. Have a shower and then I’ll help you with your hair,” her mom said firmly.

Maeva just smiled, nodding her head, heading towards her room as she heard the shower stopping. By the time she’d gathered her towels and underwear, her dad was back in the room he shared with her mom, leaving her to shower quickly. Leaving her with her swirling thoughts.

Even though minutes ago her blood was boiling with his audacity, her heart still ached for him. Up close the grey in his hair looked even better than she’d thought, the slight laughter lines around his eyes only adding to his appeal. His voice was a smooth as she remembered, his figure just as broad and overwhelming compared to her slight frame as it always had been. Even his intensity, his emotion, was exactly as she remembered, sending shivers down her spine.

She missed him.

And she hated it as much as she loved it.

She loved him. Even as much as she wished she didn’t.

It didn’t take her long to do her make up and put on her dress, and she blow-dried her hair to the point where it was manageable by the time her mom knocked on her bedroom door.

“Oh sweetie, you look beautiful,” her mom said, voice earnest and sweet.

Maeva just grinned back at her, twirling on the spot to watch her golden dress flare in the mirror.

Her mom laughed, rolling her eyes fondly as she guided Maeva to sit down on the end of the bed. She expertly twisted half of her hair up into an elegant bun, fixing it in place with a couple of bobby pins and a ribbon that matched the gold of her dress, leaving the rest of her hair to flow down her back in blonde waves. It was simple but refined, and she felt pretty the moment she looked in the mirror.

“Thanks mom. Let’s do this thing.”

“That’s my girl.”

~

The wedding was beautiful. Maeva didn’t know what else she expected though, if she was being honest. Natasha looked ethereal as she glided down the aisle, her fiancé crying a little when he saw her, and the two of them didn’t stop smiling at each other the whole ceremony. Maeva kept her eyes on them the whole time, even though she could feel eyes on her throughout the hour – she knew exactly who they belonged to, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t, not at a wedding she knew she would never have.

All the guests moved into the reception hall, sitting at their assigned tables, Maeva sitting between her parents with each of them holding one of her hands like they didn’t want her to disappear. She could only imagine what her mom her told her dad about her breakdown this morning, but that was the last thing she wanted to think about right now. All through the wedding speeches Maeva sipped on her champagne, laughing at the appropriate moments, tearing up at her uncle’s heartfelt words, cheering the toasts to the new bride and groom. She could barely remember what she ate when the food came and went, but she dutifully ate under the watchful eye of her mom, making small talk with the other members of their table, answering politely to questions about her life in Vancouver, 6000km feeling even further away than ever before.

By the time the additional guests joined them all for the evening reception, Maeva was well on her way to being overwhelmed, but she joined the circle of people on the dancefloor to watch Natasha and her new husband in their first dance.

Just as the music started, a familiar figure stepped up next to her. Maeva froze, desperately trying to think of how to make a subtle exit, but Sidney gently pressed a flute of champagne into her hand.

“This is an apology drink,” he murmured. “I should never have lost my temper with you this morning.”

Not here. Not now.

She didn’t know what her face was showing as she glanced up at him but Sidney’s face just looked sad.

“Can we talk after their first dance finishes? Please?” he begged softly.

There was something in his voice that made her façade crack.

“Fine.”

She didn’t dare take her eyes off of Natasha and her husband for the rest of the dance, sipping the champagne flute, waiting until people started joining them on the dancefloor to slip away, Sidney subtly following her. Just off the side of the venue was a small courtyard, separated from the rest of the outside space by a trellis of flowers, just enough to give them a semblance of privacy.

Maeva put down the glass as Sidney joined her, wrapping her arms around herself partly as a guard, partly as comfort, her ex-boyfriend standing in front of her looking just as overwhelming as he always had.

“Thank you for agreeing to talk to me,” he started, smiling a little.

“What did you want to talk about, Sid?” she sighed.

“I messed up all those years ago,” he murmured.

No, no she couldn’t do this.

“Sidney I can’t,” she interrupted, shaking her head.

“Please, please just let me finish,” he begged.

She just bit her bottom lip, glancing away from him briefly to steel herself, before nodding.

“I have spent five years trying to think about what I would say if I ever got the chance to see you again. Five years playing the conversation over and over again in my head, going through every scenario, and right now in this moment, none of it is coming to my head,” he said softly.

That was so typically Sid.

“Forget what’s in your head. What’s in your heart?” she found herself saying.

He huffed out a laugh, nodding his head.

“I love you, Maeva,” he said, tears glistening in his eyes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh god this was the last thing she’d been expecting.

He still loved her?

“Do you love me too? Is there any chance that you still love me?” he asked desperately.

He still loved her?

Running on pure instinct, Maeva choked out a sob as she leaned up and kissed him, hands clutching at his shirt.

Of course she still loved him.

Sidney didn’t hesitate as he kissed her slowly back, cradling her face with both hands, pouring everything into the embrace. Maeva’s head swirled as her blood surged and her heart raced…and then a couple of wedding guests stumbled outside too, clearly drunk. They were mostly giggling and falling into themselves, so they didn’t notice Sidney and Maeva springing apart, and as they stumbled around the corner Sidney quickly took one of Maeva’s hands in his, breaking her out of her frozen state of shock.

“You still love me?” Sidney asked hopefully.

“That was so stupid. I shouldn’t have…we shouldn’t have…”

His face fell.

“Please don’t run away. Please don’t leave me, not again,” Sidney begged, interrupting her rambling words.

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this.

“We can’t just go back to how things were, Sid,” Maeva said sadly, “We’re different people now, we’ve both changed.”

“Then let me get to know you again. And you can get to know me,” Sidney said desperately, “We still love each other – isn’t that enough?”

Maeva’s face must’ve looked as incredulous as she felt, because he squeezed her hand a little tighter, eyes burning with intensity. She remembered that look. It still had the same effect on her, knowing that Sidney was leading up to something heart achingly earnest.

“You are right, I’ve changed – I’m not the same man I was before. I made the biggest mistake of my life taking you for granted, letting you go when I should’ve fought for us, and I regretted it the moment I realised you’d truly left. My stupid pride kept me from reaching out to you in the first few weeks, and when I got over myself, it was too late.”

“Sidney…” she murmured.

“No-one would tell me where you went. Your parents wouldn’t talk to me, or to my mom. Your friends blocked my number. All Taylor could find out was that you were in Cole Harbor for a few months before you left for good and that you’ve barely been back since. I searched for you, for any sign of you, wherever I went and it still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”

“Sidney,” she repeated, tears stinging her eyes.

“I am so sorry, Mae. I love you. I always have – it was always you. It was always going to be you, and I’ve spent five years regretting every single moment of that stupid fight and everything I did leading up to it. As selfish as it is, I can only hope that no-one else has your heart. Can you ever forgive me?”

Maeva swallowed heavily, letting go of his hand to run shaky fingers through her hair in an effort to compose herself. This was everything she’d ever dreamed of hearing from him and it was also everything she’d dreaded. She’d spent so long in therapy building up her walls, repairing her heart, learning how to heal herself and protect herself from falling into this kind of heartbreak again.

But she loved him.

She loved him so deeply that she didn’t know how she could ever stop. Sidney Crosby was so intrinsically part of her that she knew that, being honest with herself, she didn’t know what a life without him looked like. It was one of the main things she still talked about with her therapist, her inability to accept anyone new into her heart, and she knew deep down that no-one would ever replace him, not truly.

But was she ready to just fall back into his arms.

“I don’t know if I can,” she said softly, and wow wasn’t the devastated look on his face heartbreaking? “I want to, Sid, but I have spent years trying to move on from you and I don’t think I can handle going through what we did again.”

Sidney let out a shaky breath, smiling sadly as his eyes shined with tears. “The last thing I want is to hurt you. I just…I want to show you that I’ve changed. I want to show you all of the love that I should’ve shown you five years ago. You deserve that much. You should have someone love you in every single way that you absolutely deserve.”

“Sidney…” was all she could murmur again.

Maybe it was her lack of refusal, or the softness in her voice, but Sidney took one of her hands again, squeezing it gently.

“I know that we have separate lives now. I know that you have created something wonderful for yourself without me. But all I’m asking for is a chance to start over,” he said softly.

“But how would that work with you in Pittsburgh and me in Vancouver?”

“You’re a Canucks fan now?” he grimaced.

Of course that was his priority. Still, she found herself choking out a laugh, shaking her head as Sidney flushed a little with shame. “I haven’t watched hockey since I left Pittsburgh. Vancouver was just the furthest I could get away and still be in Canada.”

The look that passed over his face was a curious mix of sadness, regret, and frustration, before it settled into the determination she’d known for years.

“Can I call you?”

“What?” she asked, frowning.

“Can I call you?” he repeated. “I’m still not on social media, other than whatever the team makes us do. I’m getting better at texting. Emails are so-so. But I would love to talk to you, to hear your voice. I miss you, so much.”

How did he know exactly what to say to make her heart cry out?

“Sidney, come on,” she pleaded, trying to ignore the lump rising in her throat.

But he didn’t back down.

“Tell me no, Maeva. Tell me no, and I will walk away. You know I’m not that guy – no means no, and if you mean it then I will never bother you again,” he said seriously.

“You know I can’t,” she murmured.

Sidney just let out a shaky breath, squeezing her hand again as a smile hopeful smile crept across his lips.

“So let me call you. We can start with baby steps. I know you have a life in Vancouver now…but I just want to be part of it. I wasted five years of my life without you because I was an idiot who didn’t appreciate the incredible woman I had – all I want is another chance. Do you love me?”

He really was devastating, wasn’t he?

“Do you love me?” he repeated, running his thumb over her knuckles.

“I do love you. I don’t think I know how to stop,” she said, feeling like an idiot but smiling anyway.

Sidney just smiled like he couldn’t believe his luck, and slowly lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently, keeping his gaze locked on hers.

“I love you, Maeva,” he murmured.

He kissed her hand again before gently lowering it back down to their sides, so much emotion in his face that Maeva didn’t know what else she could possibly do.

“You can call me. I’m making no promises, but you can call me,” she said softly.

The smile that spread across his face made her heart soar for the first time in years.

~

Little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep? Little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories? Little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece? Little do you know I need a little more time?

Oh wait, just wait, I love you like I've never felt the pain, Just wait, I love you like I've never been afraid, Just wait, our love is here, is here to stay, So lay your head on me.

[serasvictoria]

So @mercurygray had an idea for a Weekend Workshop and the whole point of it was to Set A Scene. To write a piece as if you’re watching a movie and to take the location and surroundings into account.

I really struggled with this and ended up with something that I’m convinced missed the point entirely, but I never know what I’lll end up with when I start writing anyway. In the end, this basically turned into preparation for something that I know I’ll have to write at one point in the future.

This is my location by the way.

The Fall

Waving at her brother as he drove off, she made her way up the pathway to the large building. There always seemed to be a flurry of activity near the entrance. Visitors that came to take their relatives outside to enjoy the sunshine and patients who were being discharged and sent back to the care of their families. Seeing the smiles and hugs always managed to tug at her heartstrings, because she had no idea when she’d be able to do the same thing. She took a deep breath to settle herself before passing through the entrance.

It was painfully obvious that the walls had been painted in colours that had been deemed calming. Yellow at the top. Green at the bottom. The hospital that one of her brothers had been in when he had broken his leg when they were children had seemed to operate on a similar principle, but those walls had been light blue instead of the two tones that they had gone for here. But not even the supposedly soothing colours could do anything about the hospital smell that seemed to waft through the corridors at all times. Antiseptic mixed in with the sweet smell of oranges that were delivered from the orchard nearby. The combination was so odd that it had made her nauseous on many occasions.

As soon as he was well enough, she’d take him outside, park him outside on the green grass so he could sit in the shade of a palm tree. Maybe peel one of those oranges for him that they had a surplus of in this place. First thing he had to do was wake up however and no one seemed to know with certainty when that would happen. If it would even happen at all.

The x-rays look good, they’d tell her. Everything is as it should be.

The doctors, both the older one and the young ones, kept offering her reassurances and even showed her the pictures that she couldn’t make heads nor tails of. The nurses with their sympathetic eyes. Even the young priest that seemed to pass by her husband’s bed more times than he did the others. Always lingering near his bed whenever she came round for a visit, pretending that he was there for different reasons. He was always merely checking up, keeping tabs on the patients, but that couldn’t possibly be part of his job description. Whenever she’d pull up a chair and sit down next to the bed, she’d sometimes catch him shaking his head and frowning. That couldn’t be a good sign, could it?

Talk to him, they’d say. The sound of your voice will do him good.

So she brought him newspapers yet again, the sinking of the Lusitania by a German submarine was very prominently featured today, but reading to him about the horrors that happened at sea was probably not what staff had in mind when they had told her to read to him. Maybe it would be better to read from the automobile section. She’d seen something about that racecar driver that he liked and a fire truck running 15 miles in 23 minutes when she had skimmed through it that morning. He’d probably like that a lot more than if she told him that a Vanderbilt was amongst the many people that had died when the Lusitania sank.

Making her way through the largely empty corridors, she reached the room that he shared with two other people that were absent at the moment. The older man in the second bed frequently wandered the halls and the man in the first bed had been on one of the benches with his family when she had entered here. The fact that he wasn’t around was a very comforting thought, because he spent most of his time complaining about how ill he was and that he was positive that he was dying when it was clear as day that there was nothing wrong with him. How he could even say such things when there were people in the hospital who were a lot worse off than him was simply mind boggling.

Picking up a wooden chair that stood near the door, she put it on the right side of his white iron framed bed. Always on the right side. Sitting down, her eyes briefly flickered to the 3 that was painted over his bed before gingerly running her hand down his arm and checking the bandages around his head. They had stopped coming away all bloody a few days ago, but she had never seen what kind of mess lay underneath. Shaking her head, she turned the pages until she found the right section, cleared her throat and started to read.

“There’s an article in here about Teddy Tetzlaff. You remember him, right? Terrible Teddy?” He was in that short movie that he liked, The Speed Kings, with that other racecar driver Earl Cooper. “Well, he went on a 1500 mile trip to Big Pine with his Maxwell 25 and got caught in a big blizzard…”

From the corner of her eye, she could see him shift on the bed next to her, but that wasn’t unusual in and of itself. He had remained passive during the first three days, but after that he had started to move. During one visit the muscles in his leg had spasmed so violently that she had screamed and had to be led out of the room by one of the nurses. They’d taken her into one of the quieter rooms and had called her brother to pick her up, because she was in no state to continue her visit. Not after seeing that.

The car ride back to the house that her brother occupied with his wife and their two kids was still burned into her memory. That was the first time that she had broken down over this. All that time she’d kept herself together, kept pushing herself to stay strong. Not just for herself but also for the man that lay in that bed and for the life that was growing inside her that she hadn’t even had a chance to tell him about yet. Surprise.

Her poor brother had taken the brunt of everything that had been on her mind, but hadn’t told anyone about until then. Listened to her scream about how she didn’t know what to do, how to cope with this, didn’t know what he would be like if he woke up, how broken he would be. That was the main issue. What would he be like if he ever came out of this? No one had been able to give her a definitive answer. The doctors who kept going on about those damn x-rays didn’t know jackshit about what state her husband would be in if he ever came to.

He’ll be fine. But how did they know? Just keep talking to him. But did he even hear her at all?

“They were warned to turn back, but Teddy decided to keep pushing on…”

She’d been about to quote his words directly as they had been printed in the paper, something about Teddy saying that it was the worst blizzard they had ever seen in the valley, but the words suddenly started swimming in front of her eyes. Without even realising it herself, she’d dropped the newspaper from her hands, the pages sliding down her lap and scattering on the floor. A pair of bright blue eyes that she hadn’t seen open for eight days were looking right at her and not just that, but they actually seemed to be registering her presence as well.

“Hey.” Reaching up to wipe at her eyes which were already stinging with tears, she then took his hand in hers and squeezed. “Hey, handsome.”

“C-C-Ca- Cath-” He swallowed hard, his voice hoarse and sounding like his throat was lined with sandpaper. “Ca-Cat-”

His throat needed moisture. That much was clear. Turning around, she wildly reached for the basin and pitcher that were always right there in the corner, but there was no cup that she could put the water in. Her eyes were drawn to the cup that was on the cabinet on the other side of the bed and it was almost a mad dash to get there fast enough. Her hands shook as she clutched to the ceramic cup tightly and when she was back where the pitcher was, she dropped the damn thing and it rolled under the bed. Swearing under her breath, she dropped down on her knees to pick it up when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking back up at him, he was still trying to find words which didn’t seem to be coming.

“Oh Christ.” Her eyes darted up to the crucifix that hung on the wall and said a silent prayer for using the lord’s name like that. “You had an accident.” Where he wasn’t able to find words, she had no problems and suddenly unleashed a torrent of words on him. “You… you… it was that last job of yours. Your boss told me the scaffolding wasn’t secure, the whole thing just… collapsed. You fell and hit your head. It’s… it was bad. Probably still is, but I’m not an expert. Lord, I should get the doctor. Tell them you woke up or something.”

“R-r-re-” Again he tried to search for words which weren’t coming. Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a deep breath. “Fuck.” She couldn’t help but suppress her laughter over that. Naturally that would be the word that wouldn’t cause him any problems. “Re-rel-l-ax.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Reaching for the cup, she got back to her feet and started filling it for him. “It’s just… I didn’t think you’d…”

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she held the cup to his lips and helped him drink. His right arm seemed to be fine, a bit shaky, but there was movement there as he reached for her hand to ensure that she didn’t pull the cup away before he had drained it of its contents. When she was finally allowed to pull it away, his eyes kept following her as she moved and his hand had tightened in her dress to ensure that she couldn’t get up.

“Glad you’re back.”

“C-c-co-couldn’t l-l-le-”

“I know.” He didn’t have to finish that particular sentence since it was something he regularly said. A shared joke between them. Unbeknownst to him, those words which he usually uttered without thinking about it, had turned into some kind of indication to her that maybe things weren’t as bad as she had initially thought. Maybe he would be alright. “Can I go get the doctor now?”

“N-no. S-st-stay.”

“Fine. But only for a couple of minutes, okay? They probably want to know that you’ve come round.” A brief look of annoyance crossed his features, but he kept his words to himself. Leaning into him, she pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth and pressed her forehead against his temple. “I really missed you, Chuck.”

[smolbeandrabbles]

One Thing Right - Andrew ‘Pope’ Cody x Reader (Animal Kingdom)

Author’s Note: So, whilst this is a stand alone - it can also be a little re-imagining of ‘Last Habit’ (Specifically how long it takes her to forgive him) - and was actually part of Last Habit, before that story took me another direction and left me with this-!

Heavily based on the restaurant scene from both the movie and episode 1 of the show (If you’re here for the Show!)

One Thing Right - Marshmello & Kane Brown

Disclaimer: Animal Kingdom characters/plot not mine / lyrics & gifs not mine / leap from “Last Habit” idea based on discussion with Ms. @mandy23b​  

Premise: Still frustrated with Andrew from a continuing argument, you’re determined to hold it together for a dinner event. In reality though, can you help doing anything other than forgiving him? Even if he doesn’t apologise?

Words: 6469

Warnings: Swearing / References to drug taking

_______

I've cheated and I’ve lied I've broke down and I've cried I’ve got nothing to hide no more I've loved and I've hurt Broken people down with words More grace than I deserve, for sure Known to be crazy, known to be wild Mama had herself a little devilish child Ain't no stranger to the troubles at my door You saw right through my pain Kept us patient while I changed Never even crossed your mind to walk away  When I was gettin' crazy, reckless, and wild Actin' like my mama's little devilish child It took a heart like yours to find its place I’ve been at the wrong place at the wrong time Chasin' all the wrong things most of my life Been every kinda lost that you can't find But I got one thing right Been the kinda guy girls' mamas don't like Runnin' with the wrong crowd on the wrong nights 'Cause I've been wrong about a million times But I got one thing right... you Yeah, I got you ---

It all started with a nervous, little, nonchalant proposal. The same way that Andrew always asked you to do anything with him. Like a ‘no’ was no big deal… As if you would ever say no in the first place, but the alternative never really seemed to cross his mind. “So, uh, the guys are doing some… wives and girlfriends thing next week… I dunno…” He tapped the sideboard and wouldn’t meet your eyes, “If you wanna come, then…” You raised an eyebrow; “Who are the ‘wives and girlfriends’? Surely that’s just me and Cath…? Cuz Kelly is no longer around…?” “Nicky…” “Who!?” Was Craig onto someone else already? Perhaps Darren, he was a sweetheart. Who else? “Jay’s girlfriend.” Ahhhhhh!!!! Jay. Yes, you misremembered for a moment that Andrew’s nephew was living with them now. In fact you hadn’t been over since then, so you hadn’t met him either. “Oh! Yeah, of course… Well, do you want me there?” He still wasn’t quite meeting your eyes but he nodded, “Yeah, I think so.” You smiled sweetly with a nod of your own; “Then, honey, of course I’ll come!” ***

Andrew drummed his fingers on the back of the empty chair next to him; and Baz knew it wouldn't end there. "She'll be here, mate. She wouldn't miss this." Andrew only stared at him across the table with a look that clearly asked him to shut up. This kind of thing was awkward enough for him, without worrying about where you were. He had been having second thoughts about going - only you wanted to be there, so he would put up with mundane social interactions for you. Also, if you were there and his social battery ran out - which it so often did - you usually came up with brilliant excuses to leave, or let him just find protection and comfort in your presence. Andrew, you've done enough... It's okay... You were always fine alone; more than confident with answering all the questions for him when it was clear he was no longer going to actively participate.

 Only you hadn't shown up yet, and he had to shuffle awkwardly in his seat, almost wanting to blurt out that you were an actual real person, you were just late. But why? You hadn't given him a reason. Andrew was getting more anxious by the minute, and his best friend had to watch this unfold growing exceedingly uneasy himself. What would Andrew do if that battery ran out and you weren't here yet? What would he do if you were a no show…?

 **

DAMN. Today, of all days, was clearly not meant to be yours. Not only had you been called into work to fix something on a weekend, but now traffic back into the city was beyond a joke and your cell phone provider decided that this particular route had next to no signal on it.

 So, by the time you got to the restaurant you were flustered and frustrated, and thought you couldn't possibly have made a worse first impression. It wasn’t just the first impression either, it was what you knew would be going on in Andrew’s head that worried you more. You’d been fighting- Well, okay fighting was pushing it because you and Andrew didn’t really fight, mostly because you couldn’t help but be a little worried about exactly what may happen if you really did get to fighting with him. But his brothers had a nasty habit of doing drugs – and Andrew wasn’t ever want to miss a little bit of participation, despite the fact that you’d told him time and again that you weren’t happy when he did so. When he’d invited you to this event last week you had been excited about it. You hadn’t exactly ever hung around his family in a group like that before, and the more you thought the happier you got. Andrew never invited you to things like this because they weren’t even his scene (you supposed you might have to thank Baz for that later), so to be included at all very suddenly added a new dimension to your relationship. So, now you were super excited to meet Jay and Nicky – and finally have another Cody Girl™ to hang out with. That was until yesterday morning when you’d caught him in your apartment with drugs and subsequently thrown him out, telling him you didn’t know if you were coming today. And if you were honest with yourself you were still mad at him. But you also knew Andrew, he’d probably quietly indicated you were coming ‘no big deal’ and he certainly wouldn’t have told anyone that you’d thrown him out, suggesting you weren’t going to make it – mostly because that would have been too big of a confession. You could imagine the questions, the ammunition it would give his brothers. Selfishly you supposed your reputation was on the line here, and you didn’t want to let him down. Even if he’d let you down, Andrew just meant too much to you. Honestly, you just really really wanted to meet the kids. Besides you could sit here in traffic and reason with yourself – it was dinner, which meant a maximum of 3 hours interaction - if you were still pissed about the drugs (you would be.) then you didn’t have to go anywhere with him afterwards. Seeing everyone else was a little more important than not going just to spite him. You took a deep breath, checking your phone again – still nothing. Well, if you were late then you were shaving yet more time off having to interact, if you were prepared to see it that way.

Baz, facing the door, spotted you first and was off like a rocket. Thank GOD for that! You were holding your mobile in one hand, bag slung over your shoulder, oversized white shirt unbuttoned nearly all the way to reveal a black vest top, tucked into a work mini-skirt. But you’d slipped from your heels into your pumps to drive, and your shades were in your hair. All in all, your face said you’d had better days, but really Baz was just glad you were here. He enveloped you in a warm hug, which you were only too happy to return. "Oh, Baz! I'm so, so, SO sorry!" "What the hell happened!?" "Work-! IT. When isn't it IT?" You huffed and folded your arms, "I feel like us casing the place that one time ought to have told ya it was time to leave." You scoffed, laughing, "It's a good place to work, I just can't believe today of all days it was such a MESS - and traffic!? I haven't see it that bad when it's rush hour! I mean what the hell!!" “Aw, honey, I’m just glad you’re here – we were worried.” – about Andrew, who was worried about you. You bit your lip, looking everywhere but Baz’s face and the table, “How is he?” “He’s… Andrew. Why?” “He didn’t tell you did he?” “No.” Baz would never go for the ‘tell me what?’ if it was something so obvious as the way you looked back to him. You took a deep breath, throwing your phone into your bag, “Okay.” And then more to yourself than to Baz, “It’s gonna be fine.” “Woah, you… you wanna talk about it-!?” He stepped backward with your step forward and held his hand out, concerned. You shook your head, “Not right now, thanks Baz.” And you really did appreciate his concern, “I just wanna meet everyone!”

 Andrew looked just as relieved as Baz did, swivelled in his seat now to watch you both walk through the restaurant, by this time Baz was already trying to lighten your mood and he’d made you laugh more than once; you were smiling – he was good at that. Andrew vacated his seat to take the last few paces to hug you himself; that movement was important – he knew exactly what he’d done, and you weren’t sure if you were supposed to accept his PDA as an apology. But something about him holding you in his arms softened you for a moment; "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry!" You mumbled into his shirt, "I really... I really AM sorry! It's been the morning from hell..." He shook his head, almost not caring; loving the feel of you holding him this close, your nails digging into his shirt. You gave him just the energy shot he needed. "It's okay..." He mumbled, though you felt that was probably far from the truth, "I'm just glad you made it safe..."

He let you slip from his arms, PDA wasn't his thing, so you knew this was because he needed it desperately only. Or you were right and it really was in apology. You kissed his cheek gently, feeling that would be the most comfortable, and rounded the table quickly to hug Darren. He was the baby, and looked and acted like it. He was like the good natured one who had yet to be fully dragged into this mess. You might have been a complete outsider, but Andrew told you as much as you were prepared to hear... Or that he knew you had to know. Usually that came with his more protective nature. That put you in solidarity with the youngest Cody sibling, and you felt you probably liked him the most – Darren liked you too; though you knew he was a little wary of your relationship. "What they got ya in for on a Saturday!?" He was referring to your attire, and you noticed Craig linger a little too long on the fact your white blouse had buttons undone to just the wrong side of inappropriate. "Oh. You know the company has to be running smoothly Monday morning and that’s that..." You sighed, “I’m so sorry.” He laughed, “Aw, you don’t need to apologise to me.” “No, only the whole damn table…” But Darren patted your back gently, “Well! Get on with it, we’re starving-!” You skirted the table while saying ‘Hi’ to Craig, Smurf and having an animated five minute conversation with Cath that had Baz rolling his eyes and sighing; "GIRLS! She's late enough!" Cath pushed him with a laugh, as you bashfully kept running around the table to where Andrew was still standing up, leaning on the back of his chair. At least there was something resembling a smile on his face as he watched you interact with his family. "Sorry, honey..." You almost smacked yourself, but realised there wasn’t really any stopping you, your heart was starting to overrule your head. You’d have to try to keep yourself in check – then again… He squinted slightly at the cute nickname, but pulled your chair out for you, to which you thanked him again as he pushed you in and reseated himself. "Can we EAT now!?!" Craig huffed, clearly on the less kind side of annoyed; "I was ready to order, like, 50 minutes ago!" You flushed and covered your face with your hands, "OH GOD!! I'M SO SORRY!" "He's just being a prick... Y/N... You're fine..." Baz's voice at least held a laugh, but you weren't sure it helped your feeling. Like he hadn’t already commented on it-! Andrew placed his arm around the back of your chair and shook his head at his sibling. Say something like that again and just wait until we get home. You liked that movement, it made you feel safe and comfortable. It was an assurance you sometimes needed in situations like this. Yet you knew you should still be mad at him; you were about to spend this meal incredibly torn…

"So!" You referred to the two teenagers sitting at the far end of the table. "You must be Jay and Nicky? I confess, what I know is little, although I have heard a bit. It's nice to meet you! I'm Y/N!" "Guess they might know a little about you, too..." Baz gave you an amused look that told you they'd be lucky if they'd even heard your name before you said it. Andrew shuffled in his seat in response to this, he needn’t have reacted at all - you had that kind of hunch yourself. The teens bashfully introduced themselves in answer to you as everyone ordered – in the back of your mind you were already thinking they were way too sweet to be involved here, and that adoption should be the way to go. You supposed that attitude shouldn’t surprise you, given the state of your family – your parents would have signed on the dotted line about 5 minutes ago. Still, you supposed you, in the remnants of a business suit, looked like the odd one out around the table – but that’s exactly what you were, and you were strangely comfortable with that. They were very sweet and shy, meaning you tried to make every question you asked kind and open – they didn’t have to answer if they didn’t want to. All you really wanted them to know was that you were decent; they were safe and you’d protect them at all costs. Besides, you reckoned Jay should know by now you were dating the most volatile man at the table. You’d like to say you knew that Andrew wouldn’t lay a hand on them – yet you also knew that he was capable of anything. You’d also like to say you were capable of stopping him, truth was, you were scared of what might happen if you got between Andrew Cody and something he deemed necessary to do. As you kept talking throughout dinner, and you tried to keep questions off yourself, you were aware of how close you were getting to Andrew. That was all subconscious because he’d barely moved an inch, but it was an act you loved doing. There was something very powerful about Andrew’s aura and you liked orbiting it; right now he was calmer – sure, his eyes still shifted around the room and to everyone in the table, yet everything about him was saying he was protecting you. Because even you were just waiting for Craig to come at you; he wasn’t exactly a fan of the fact that you didn’t come from the same place as them, that you came from a different class and social background. No prizes for guessing where he might have got that from. You got the feeling Smurf thought that you felt you were too good for them – not necessarily…. You’d seen the way she treated Andrew; the lost cause. The idea of wanting to get him out of this was something you thought about often. Though you also thought it was pointless when he was in your house doing drugs – but you would digress. In fact, you loved most people around the table. Really you felt a lot of them were better than the positions they found themselves in – if she really wanted your honest opinion. But you could only date one of them. And he was work, you’d give him that.

"What do you do, Y/N?" Eventually questioning did get back around to you, and you were trying to figure out how to answer before you were cut off. "Here we go..." Craig scoffed "What, jealous!? You can go it for me if you want!" Your eyes narrowed, arms folded He at least laughed; "No, No, I think I'm good - thanks!" You shook your head at him and turned back to Nicky's question, "I do IT." "Do IT?!" Baz repeated in a mocking voice "What? I do." He leant forward, "Nicky, she's just being polite and modest." "HA-!" Andrew shifted impatiently, which made Craig shut up again before he even started. Baz was allowed to finish his sentence; "She's a CIO." You leant on your hand with a small smile, "And CISO. If we're getting technical." "And that-!" Baz pointed to you, "Whatever the hell that is-!" Chief Information Security Officer, if he really wanted the answer. "That's why I said IT!" you laughed, “I head IT for a very small company, Nicky, it’s nothing.” “Enough to drive a Lamborghini.” This was exactly where things got complicated; where the divide showed, even though it didn’t matter to you. You were always uncomfortably aware of what it looked like to everyone else. “Will you guys stop!” You pushed Baz’s arm, but he was smirking and that only sent them all off laughing again. Causing you to hide in your hands for a second, shying towards Andrew – who despite still daring Craig to say another word with a frosty glare, had a hint of pride about him and the way he sat. Somewhere in the back of your mind you could almost hear the ‘That’s My Girl!’ that every other man around this table would likely say; his eyes flicked to yours, lips pressing themselves into a line that very nearly threatened smile. You were glad Andrew never got that far; not that it would have mattered anyway – because of course, you smiled back. Before you remembered why you were mad and your smiled faded for a moment. You lowered your eyes from Andrew’s face tracing them down his neck to his black buttoned polo shirt, then looked away from him entirely – realising you were just making yourself sad thinking about it. Still, he didn’t let you go; the slope of his body and the tip of his head as he watched the way your eyes traced him, he leant into you to keep you close – but he didn’t reach out. You didn’t expect that from him either. Andrew knew you were still mad at him; he could think about removing his arm from the back of your chair opting simply to pull you closer, but he wasn’t made that way. Andrew wouldn’t – at least not publicly and certainly not here.  Right now, he wasn’t even sure you wanted that – or if you’d simply push him away. Nevertheless, he noticed how torn you were and hated that it was him that had caused it. What a mess for a quick fix. Wasted and pointless. He ran his hand over his cheeks – suddenly imagining the feeling of your nails embedded in them as you lowered your voice to a sexy level of threatening. Andrew shifted in his seat again, this time away from you, and kept his hand there for a moment – you couldn’t help but notice the way his breathing change abnormally. You also realised all that had triggered in you was a smirk, absentminded enough for you to be shocked at yourself – yet you knew exactly why, and hell if you wouldn’t call it useful information…

Dinner continued until you were stuffed and couldn’t eat anymore, pushing your knife and fork neatly together you sat back, nestling gently into his arm that was back around your chair. Finally comfortable enough to seek the warmth of his body. By now he was staring at you, and he had been for quite a while, because that’s what Andrew did. You’d long since given up trying to guess, or even ask him, why he would choose to stare at you in the particular way he did. It was never any less intense than the way he would look at everyone else… yet it was so different – and this stare was strangely hopeful. You supposed he was considering whether or not you’d forgive him – then again, so were you. Turning your eyes on him you couldn’t help but gaze back; lost in another beautifully silent conversation. I’m here for you. But don’t you dare think I forgive you for what you’ve done just yet.   You knew he needed you here, and he must have known you knew that right now. You brushed your forehead gently to his, resting your hand reassuringly on his knee. It might take you a while to excuse him, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t love him. Everyone still pushed for dessert; at which point you swapped seats with Craig, bowing out – not without brushing your lips to Andrew’s cheek first, which very nearly startled him - to learn a little more about Jay and Nicky. Cath joined you a little later and with Jay joining in with his uncles, Smurf joined you in a girl’s conversation. It was nice to learn some more about her, and talk just a little about yourself without the whole table either wanting you to flaunt it, or scoffing at you for being a show off. You liked that you had the opportunity to chat with her in the quiet, which became quieter as Smurf and then Cath left you to it whilst they went back to the boys – clamouring for attention once more. Andrew was back to watching you, into his usual habit of making sure you were safe at all times and you were quite enjoying catching his eye every now and then. It’d make you smile and look away; a simpler form of flirting, but one you felt you probably both enjoyed. When he and Baz got up to pay the bill, Andrew walked behind you, brushing his hand over your shoulders. Fingertips pressing into your skin in a way that had you fixating on his touch and looking up at him as he walked away. You’d quite forgotten what you were saying and instead Nicky was left witness to that way you stared at each other, before he turned and they strolled to the counter – although you didn’t look away. Blinking a few times you cleared your throat; “Hey guys-!” They swivelled back, “Yeah?” You pulled your card from your purse and held it out, “I was late, it’s the least I can do.” Andrew waved away the suggestion, “No, Y/N, it’s okay…” “We got this – you can owe us later.” Baz added with a wink, and you figured he might spend the next five minutes trying to persuade Andrew onto a double date; which he would love of course.

Instead you watched them talk seriously at the counter for a minute as they split the bill; with the glances they both kept throwing to you, and the way Baz very nearly clipped him (about the only person who’d get away with it), you assumed that it was really an integration about the previous morning, causing you to look away quickly for fear of being dragged into it. Nicky giggled gently, and you realised she had continued watching you, “You really love him, don’t you?” You continued focusing on the table, although even her words had you smiling, and you very nearly laughed. “Yeah.” “How long have you been together?” That made your eyes raise to her - suddenly you realised you didn’t even know the answer. It wasn’t like Andrew was ever going to keep track of your anniversary – and to be honest being held up in a parking lot was not exactly something you wanted to remember the date of. “…Oh, uh…” You also couldn’t believe someone would want to ask you outside of your family; a lot of your friends thought Andrew was strange at best and would probably rather forget you were with him. You were grateful your parents foster kids more than made up for that. “…Just over a year?” you squinted, no, it felt longer than that - “Maybe closer to two?” then you smiled, genuinely, “Thank you for asking.” “I thought that was normal?” She tilted her head, making you laugh, “I don’t know if you’ve met him before today, but,” You looked around her to watch them still in heated discussion, “Andrew’s not exactly…” you paused, “He’s a little different. I think that’s probably why I like him so much. Then again, it’s not exactly something that gels with a lot of people,” you bit your lips together, “it’s a real shame - you know, if he was given the chance…” you trailed, “Sorry! That’s a lot for… the first time I’ve ever met you.” You place your head in your hands again, “Late and rambling, man, I must have made one hell of a first impression!” But she was smiling, and reached out to touch your hand, “I think it’s sweet – that you care about him like that, and I see the way you look at each other, he cares a lot about you too I can tell. He doesn’t take his eyes off you.” You weren’t sure if you should set her straight or agree with her; “That’s also a very Andrew trait, something to get used to for sure. I guess it’s okay if it doesn’t bother you…” “Does it?” God bless her innocent curiosity. “No. Except, nothing about Andrew bothers me.” “Should it?” Your eyes flicked back to him and then to her, and you said it as honestly as you could without really telling the truth; “He’s just… a lot to unpack.” ***

He stopped by your chair as they walked back, and everyone else started to rise, so you supposed dinner was over. As he’d helped you in, Andrew also helped you out. “You okay?” “Yes…” You gave him a gentle nod, “Thank you…” and you realised all at once that you really hadn’t had a verbal conversation yet. You wondered how you could just get back in your car and drive away after that. Andrew had to know you were still reeling a little – but it didn’t sit right with you, to just say goodbye and leave him to his own devices once again. Especially considering that could just drive him back in the direction you were trying to pull him from (or drag him – kicking and screaming if necessary). As you made your way from the restaurant - close but not touching; he wasn’t even trying to take your hand to keep up appearances (and sometimes Andrew did) – it was clear he was thinking along the same lines. Baz was the first one to turn to you, “How about it, Y/N? Drinks? I mean you can just park the car up and take off tomorrow if you’re worried about getting a DUI.” “Oh, no I really… I’ve had a day, you do not want me to take up any offer of drinking.” You waved your hands hoping he might drop it. “Aw come on – what!? You know how bad we get-!” No such luck. You indicated to the teens, “I would rather keep up appearances!” “It's cool, guys, I'll take her home." Andrew cut in before anyone else could protest your objection. You turned to him, wondering if a conversation in the place he’d done the crime was even a good idea. Maybe it was the only good idea. Of course, no one argued with that; "Okay, Andrew, see you later!" Although he waited for you to hug Nicky goodbye. You were good at bonding with people, and there weren't a lot of females in Andrew's life beyond his mother and Cath. So he knew you'd be particularly receptive to this teenage girl who had no idea quite what she was getting into. And that you'd likely want to protect her from that. Afterall, he’d watched you talk to her for at least the last hour, with that same sweet, caring smile on your face that you often gave him. Not that he thought he deserved it ever, perhaps even less than usual right now. And here you were again, being as naturally kind as you always were. "...It'd be cool to hang out too! I mean I dunno, maybe you're a little too cool for me!" You gave a gentle laugh that made her smile; "No, I'd like that!" "Awesome, well, you have my number now. Do not hesitate to call me. Especially if you happen to have to hang out with these boys again... In fact, Cath, you and I should have a girl’s night - Good Lord." "Don't tempt me!" Cath yelled from behind you, which made the three of you burst out laughing and all the boys look on a little confused. You hugged her tight and protective; she was so cute and utterly sweet. As the only other real outsider (and completely in the dark) you wanted to keep her on that side of things for as long as possible. It was your choice not to know anything, you didn't want her to have to know there even was a choice.

You waved them all off and walked with Andrew back towards the car park; he fell into the rhythm of your walk, studying every single other person on both sides of the road. He didn't hold your hand, but your skin was millimetres apart, his shoulder brushed against yours every few steps - as if to make sure you were still there; as if you'd be anywhere else. You were used to this by now, and if you were honest you loved it. There was something unvoiced about it all, how you were both aware the other was there and close, but there was no needed physical contact. Andrew was the most comfortable you'd ever been with a man in your entire life. And you weren't sure if that was ironic or not. "Are you driving?" "I don't have my car." You held out your keys, "Are you driving?" He took them gently, suddenly falling out of step with you, and then behind as he stopped. You paused a little further down the sidewalk and turned with a raised eyebrow; "What-?" He held the keys up, "You drove your Lamborghini to work!? AGAIN!?" This only went back to every other time he’d told you to be careful driving it around, should some opportunists try to car jack you… again. You folded your arms, somewhat impatient with his lack of answer; "Oh, I didn't realise I had to stop on the weekend too - now are you driving or what-!?" You knew he could stop the excited smile from crossing his face, but it escaped into his voice; "Yes!"

 ** Even though you still hadn’t spoken to him properly, it was all in his body language. For him it was the same, all in your actions. You didn’t have to let him do this – in fact you could just have turned to him and said that he wasn’t coming with you. Yet here he was, driving your gleaming silver Gallardo through Melbourne to your apartment. You noticed Andrew was making the most out of the opportunity by taking you the scenic route. All you could do was watch him. How comfortable he was – just you and him and driving. How careful and in control – a real force to be reckoned with, not that Andrew ever wasn’t that, but the whole aura of it was different. This time he couldn’t keep that small smile off his face – tiny sure, and if you weren’t looking you were bound to miss it, but it was there. You liked that he was comfortable, because you often watched him be so uncomfortable with everything. The social situations he was forced into especially; for that matter, Andrew didn’t often talk in social settings. He could still be the one in the room in control and be uncomfortable, his body language would tell you such. Here and now though, his energy was confident – and though he was alert to the conditions he was surrounded by on the road, Andrew was the most relaxed you’d seen him in a long time. You let yourself actively enjoy it. Because you wanted to revel in him when he was like this. It was a glimpse, a rare thing that you weren’t about to let slip away from you. You knew how much he loved this car, even when he was sitting passenger side, and when he actively showed it that was even better. Andrew was letting himself enjoy the moment as much as you were; just by watching him you’d been persuaded to smile, to coax your hand from your lap to entwine with his fingers. He didn’t look across to you – but his lips twitched and for half a second that smile was visible, before it dropped away again. Still, Andrew Cody didn’t let your hand go. ** You were back to being cold and silent by the time you were in the lift to your apartment; perhaps not by choice, but because you just couldn’t figure out exactly what to say. You weren’t sure how to approach it, and certainly hadn’t had time to think of such things. After all, you did kick him out of your apartment yesterday after screaming then using Andrew’s own ‘quiet & threatening’ tactic against him. You just knew that you couldn’t keep up the silence; part of you worried that if you did  Andrew would switch from understanding why (as you were sure he did) to thinking screw this and heading back home – where all that really awaited him was his brothers, alcohol and more drugs. Certainly not what you wanted. He was looking at you again though, and Andrew thought that maybe the air of friendliness you’d been displaying this evening had been for his family only. Just for dinner. He supposed it made sense, but Baz had told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to apologise to you, quickly. Andrew was just trying to figure out how best to do that – of course he’d been thinking about it, but you’d been regarding them both and he didn’t want it to come out like the only reason that he was saying sorry was because Baz had asked him to. No, he wanted it to sound as sincere and genuine as he felt. Usually silence was good for Andrew, he found a comfort there that he could seldom find anywhere else. Even around you. This wasn’t comfortable – not when there was so much unspoken between the two of you. You would often communicate without using words – but that wouldn’t even save you both now. He let you have it, 5 minutes of total silence, how you stood with your hands down on your kitchen counter staring at nothing. You could tell exactly what he was thinking, considering he was pacing up and down the room, and wouldn’t take his eyes off you. Until eventually Andrew sighed, making you raise your eyes to him; “Why… Why even bother turning up? Why would you want to be there today? With me. Why are you even okay with me?” He looked away from you, squinting in thought, “I understand the reasons you hate me right now. Which makes me not understand why you would…” He trailed, finding it hard to describe how he could know you weren’t happy – but you could still look at him like he was your world… Was there even a way to describe that? “Oh. Andrew…” You almost sounded desperate, but exasperated, your face softening and for a moment your heart bled for him – because he always felt like everything had to be understandable and logical; it was just how his brain processed. Just once sometimes you wished he would realise that your feelings for him really weren’t logical at all. You could never really hate him. “Look. I love you. And that’s never going to change, it’s just sometimes you make me SO mad!” You ran your hands through your hair with a small exhale, settling your eyes back on his infinite stare; “Because I see the good in you Andrew. And I want more people to see that. YOU might think he’s gone, and your family clearly do, but not me. I KNOW it’s there. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t see it. But you do things like this, and I just…” You gave a gentle shrug, unable to even explain it for yourself; “If I don’t believe in you, who will? It hurts me when you hurt yourself. And I feel sorry for you and… that is that.” His stare was measured, and his blink slow. You knew he wouldn’t say anything, Andrew just wasn’t built that way. But you wanted him to, right then more than any other moment you wanted words to spill from his lips. Andrew’s blue eyes left yours and he looked to the floor - that was a lot, all at once it was a lot for you to just say to him. It would be a lot to not respond to; then again, he wasn’t sure what he could say. He wasn’t good at expressing his feelings for you, Andrew never had been, but he knew he felt something – things he’d never felt for any other person, not even his own family. They were just so hard to say with conviction that sounded like he really believed them. You stepped from the counter and walked across the room to him, although he took several paces back, shying away from your touch. You wouldn’t take that as an answer, because you needed him right now – he needed you too. You took Andrew’s hand in yours; allowing him to maintain the gap but letting him know you weren’t about to let go. He shook his head slowly, still not meeting your eyes, and his next sentence was murmured – a thought to himself that maybe he hadn’t meant to say aloud; “I don’t deserve you. But you’re the only thing I’ve got right so far…” You tipped your head, unsure where exactly that had come from; “Andrew, I-” “I shouldn’t have done it. I know that.” Sorry. He was saying sorry, in a typically Andrew way of saying it. It’d take time for the actual word to come – or else maybe he’d simply show you. You framed his face with your free hand, tilting his head back up so those haunting eyes could meet yours once more. “…What…?” Andrew’s lips parted, no words came, before he swallowed and placed his hand over yours. For a moment you thought he might pull away once more, but he didn’t. His eyes simply searched yours for any way he might get away with never saying something so honest again. “I know you heard me.” You didn’t quite roll your eyes; instead pulling yourself to him, forehead against his – gently humming your agreement. I Did. You closed your eyes to the silence and lost yourself to the sound of his breathing. You knew exactly who this man was, and everything he was capable of – no matter how much you tried to burry that beneath your love for him, and no matter how hard you tried to save him from it. But, more importantly, Andrew Cody was yours - and you weren’t about to ever let him forget it.

---

Thank you for reading-!😍

@happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

[murphyhatesme]

Sorting it out

Summary: The boys sort it out with a little help from their extended family (notes at the end - AO3 Link )

Steve sighs as he puts his phone back in his lap. Leaving Danny is the hardest part of this but the mission has run its course, he’s done. He needs time to shake the memories, to find the fabled peace of mind. A sense of dread tries to claw its way up from the pit of his stomach, he squashes it but it’s too late. A visual has already wormed its way into his mind, Danny, alone in his chair on Steve’s beach. The urge to get off the plane and back to Danny is strong but he manages to suppress it. He wonders what would have happened if he finally told Danny that the casual ‘I love yous’ had taken a deeper meaning for him over the last two years. This afternoon, for one glorious moment, he thought Danny was going to lean in and kiss him, but his partner turned away and left Steve staring at his back. It cemented his belief that he needed to leave the island, get over Danny, find peace and then maybe he could go back to seeing Danny as his best friend and not a love interest. Then he remembers Danny’s face and the look he gave Steve. He rubs at his eyes, fuck is he making a mistake?

“Is this seat taken?”

Steve glances up in shock, because he recognises that voice.

“Catherine ..”

“Hey sailor”

“It was you? You cracked the cypher?”

She nods her head yes.

“Lincoln got a hold of me, said you guys needed some help. So ..”

“He’s a good man”

“He must be, did you really give him the keys to Danno’s car?”

“Well, we can’t have Danny Williams driving his own car”

“Yes we can, you just won’t allow it.”

They both smile before Catherine sits down and takes his hand, squeezing it slightly.

“What are you doing Steve?”

He sighs, letting his head fall against the rest and closes his eyes.

“I just need to be on my own for a while. Find a semblance of peace”

“No, I’m not talking about that and you know it.”

Cath tugs on his arm and he rolls his head towards her, taking a deep breath before he looks at her.

“Why in god's name are you leaving the one thing behind that can give you everything you are looking for huh?”

“I .. Now listen. We don’t .. Jesus Cath, Danny doesn’t love me that way okay?”

She squints her eyes, a broad smile taking over her beautiful face.

“I meant the team, you know, your chosen family? Funny you immediately jumped to Danny.”

“I ..”

But Cath holds up her hand and shakes her head.

“No. shh. Let me talk okay?”

When he doesn’t answer she prods his shoulder.

“Fine! Were you always this bossy?”

“Yes I was, you liked that about me. And I’m pretty sure it’s why you fell for Danny.”

He shakes his head and opens his mouth but she gives him a look and he makes a zipping motion with his hand.

“Look, I know the past few years have been hard, especially the last months. I, more than most people, understand the need to get away. After Billy, I needed to find some peace but most of all quiet. A place where I could admit to myself that we” she gestures between them “became complacent. We were together because it was comfortable, easy if you will. I love you, very much, but we weren’t in love  at the end. You and Danny? You fit. He loves you. Probably more than he’s willing to admit. And you love him, have loved him for a while now. I don’t understand why you haven’t said anything yet? You were never shy? And I know what you guys got up to in the barracks after the light went out.”

“Can I talk yet?”

“Don’t be a smart ass.”

“Danny and me, it’s complicated. I always thought once we’re settled, with a pension plan in place we would see what we could become. But it was never the right time, always something going on and then a few months ago he started pushing me to date. And then I realised I missed my window.”

She looks at him intently for a moment.

“So nothing happened to make him push you away? Nothing at all?”

“No?”

“So you didn’t sell the restaurant? Told him you weren’t ready?”

Steve blanches, Danny knows it was just the restaurant. Right?

“Danny knows that was just the restaurant!”

He’s aware of the slight panic in his voice as he echoes his thoughts. Cath places a warm hand on his arm and he focuses on that as he takes a deep breath.

“That was your pension. Your happily ever after. The one you pushed to have, together. And then suddenly you’re out? That must have stung and maybe it told him you weren’t ready to take the next step.”

“But he said if you’re out, I’m out. I mean this wasn’t my decision alone!”

“Of course he said that.  He. Loves. You .”

“I know. We’re best friends.”

“Right, I hoped this wouldn’t be necessary but you are .. argh!”

Steve frowns as he watches her raise her arm. Within seconds two air marshals come into the cabin, stopping short at their row.  

“Commander McGarrett,” the marshal, Andy Turner, steps to the side as Cath moves to the empty seat across the path “If you’d be so kind as to follow us.”

Steve narrows his eyes at Cath, he gets up but he’s not feeling kind at all.

“What did you do?”

“It’s for your own good.”

“What did you do?”

He repeats and he’s conscious of all the eyes on them.

��Missing a window is not possible if you are the one crafting it. Also if there was a right time? Then this is it.”

“Cath you can’t force this. It’s not your decision to make.”

She grins at him as she pushes past him to take the window seat.

“As I said, it’s for your own good. Oh and Steve?”

He stops but doesn’t look back.

“Don’t blame the kids okay? They just want you to be happy.”

The marshals lead him off the plane straight into a holding cell. It’s bare, one cot, pillow, sheets and toilet and sink in the corner. They leave him there. He inspects every surface of the small room, already knowing he won’t find any surveillance equipment because monitoring the cells is in violation of the privacy law. He sits down and waits.

Not even thirty minutes later the door opens and Danny comes in, leaning heavily on his cane. When Tani lingers in the doorway Steve suddenly and with clarity knows exactly what Cath meant with don’t blame the kids. He rushes forward but Tani is quicker and she closes the door with a deafening sound. He slowly turns to Danny and goes for the offence.

“Look what you did! Now we’re stuck here.”

Danny hmms, sits down on the cot and purses his lips.

“Do you honestly think I didn't know they were up to something? Steve, you’ve been gone for an hour and a half, when Cath called to tell me you were detained at the airport nobody was surprised. Charlie is a better actor than most of our team.”

Steve grins at that, remembering Charlie’s innocent face when a bag of candy appeared on the belt at the supermarket. Danny catches his eye and Steve’s heart seems to skip a beat. The dread turns into hope and somehow that’s worse.

“So why are we here Steve?”

“Because Cath is a busybody.”

Danny’s sigh is filled with disappointment and Steve’s stomach clenches.

“Fine. We’ll wait them out.”

The silence is oppressing and Steve struggles to keep quiet when suddenly Danny’s cane hits the ground, hard.

“No. You know what? You’re finally going to listen to me without deflecting or running away! You’re an asshole.”

Steve opens his mouth but Danny is suddenly in his space holding a finger up.

“Shut it.  You are an asshole. You were perfectly fine with walking away and not looking back. I get it. I do. But fuck Steve you left me months ago. You twisted your way into my heart, my home, my life and eventually my retirement. And I let you. That is on me. But just when I, we, landed on the same page you dropped me. The restaurant was too much. You couldn’t do it. It wasn’t you. And again I got it. I let you walk out but you kept coming back and I couldn’t handle it. So I pushed you away, onto the dating scene, hopefully giving me a fighting chance to get over you and still I .. Then you told me you needed time. Away from me, from everything you call home and for the last time I told you fine. I thought this is it, I was going to tell you but you shut me down. I just, I desperately wanted to be the reason you’d stay. But this morning made me realise I’m once again not enough. And that’s fine, this is the story of my life. I .. with all my negative thinking, with every imagined scenario you leaving me behind never crossed my mind. That’s how sure I.. Look, I’m sorry. This isn’t fair but damn it! I’m pissed.”

Steve blinks, the hope burst into a million tiny butterflies.

“Okay, sit down before you keel over.”

He helps a grumbling Danny back to the cot.

“I really just meant the restaurant Danno. I could never truly walk away from you. You’re in my heart. I don’t want to give you a fighting chance. You’ve always been enough for me.”

Danny narrows his eyes at him but Steve ignores it and kneels down between Danny’s legs. He tugs him close and buries his face into Danny’s neck, inhaling the familiar scent. Danny tightens his arms around him, mumbling half hearted threats into his shoulder and Steve feels a tension, he didn’t know he was holding, leaving his body. He sags into the embrace, closing his eyes and just breathes for a moment. Eventually he draws back and looks Danny in the eye, he leans in slightly, giving Danny ample time to pull away. But when Danny raises his brow, Steve grins and plants a soft kiss on the corner of Danny’s mouth. Danny huffs and yanks him into a proper kiss, groaning when Steve deepens the kiss almost immediately. He gets lost in the kiss, loving the feeling of Danny’s fingers carding through his hair. They kiss for a long time, mapping each other’s mouths, necking like teenagers on a first date. He slips his hands down Danny’s back, but pulls away when he feels Danny twinge. Right, bruising, from the kidnapping. Fuck.

“Ah sorry.”

“You didn’t beat me up Steve.”

“No but it was ..”

Danny kisses the words out of his mouth and for a moment he forgets everything around him. Until Danny breaks the kiss, sweeping a thumb over Steve’s sensitive bottom lip.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“But Danny, you are the most important person in my life right now and everybody knows it. I can’t do this without you. I’d rather be miserable on my own knowing you are safe than be responsible for your .. So you see now why it’s better for me to leave?”

He looks at Danny willing him to understand only to be met with an eye roll and a cuff to the back of his head.

“I know you like to think you are superman but you do not control the actions of other people Steven. I’d rather have you here, being able to save me than thousands of miles away and not being able to do a damn thing. Afghanistan and Korea taught me that. So if you are going to stay, then make damn sure that this is what you want because if you leave again then we are done. No take backs, no do overs.”

Steve looks away, he’s going to have to stop fooling himself seeing as how he isn’t fooling anyone else. Cath was right, now is the time.

“I hear Jersey is nice this time of year.”

Danny’s laugh is music for his soul and he leans in to taste it.

******

Smiling, Tani quietly closes the peephole in the door. She checks her watch and shoots off a text to Cath  ‘mission accomplished’  seconds later she gets a  ‘I love it when a plan comes together’ back.

Fin

I seem to be on a roll, part of it is that people keep giving me inspiring prompts and another part of it is the fandom collectively deciding we needed a slightly altered ending. This tiny fix it story is based on a tumblr post from mcdannohmygod, @mireilleleerves​ tagged me in it and I really liked the idea. I did give it a twist, though. Hope you enjoyed it!

[metamousefiction]

Teacher and pupil

Summary: After Yato’s disapearience Yukine run off. Kazuma feels that his pupil is his responsibility so he starts searching for him. Looks that the younger shinki isn’t the only one who will need to face his demons tonight.

Characters: Kazuma, Yukine

Wordcount: 2154

Warnings: character death, manga spoilers, blood, mentions of suicide

A/N: I thought that I should redeem Kazuma and make him reconcile with Yukine. This is the first fic I ever published online so please go easy on me :) It turned out longer than it was supposed to be. Sorry for my english – I’m not a native speaker, I’m still learning. I hope you’ll enjoy the fic.

***********

Sweating and out of his breath, Kazuma run through the dark streets in search for young shinki who he used to call his pupil. He shouldn’t have leave the boy out of his sight even for just one moment.  Yukine was still a mess and completly shaken after what happened. He might do something he will regret... Or rather... Kazuma will regret. He knew that if something happens to his pupil he will never forgive himself till the end of his life. Well... it’s not like he could forgive himself already. He did to much wrong in his life, especially in the last few months. He still couldn’t get Yukine’s face expresion from that night out of his mind. The younger hafuri’s screams and pleading still echoed inside his head. He stopped running sudenly out of his breath while he felt something wet running down his cheeks. He put his hand up to his mouth in order to stop the crying sound. His strenght sudenly left him and he fall down to his knees while whimping. ‘I’m sorry Yukine. I’m s-so sorry... Yato!’

***

“Yato! Watch out!”

The monk staff passed just few milimeters from them.

“Whaaa... That was close! Thanks Kazuma!” said Yato while whiping the blood from his face. Last hit must have left severe head injury but the stray god kept fighting.

“Please get more cautious! That guy is really good!” shinki reprimended the god. At least they managed to keep Yukine out of the way with Hiyori’s help but Nora wasn’t any better. She fought by Father’s side for so many years already... They needed to create an opening or else they won’t stand a chance. Kazuma tried to think of some plan but nothing came to his head. That’s when suden movement of their enemy put him out of his foughts. The sorcerer came from offensive to defensive. He striked them down one time after another and finally landed his last blow. Kazuma didn’t have time to do anything beside shielding Yato and that was the last thing he remembered before his mind blackout.

“...an! ... ma-san! ... Kazuma-san!” Kazuma heard a voice as slowly regain his contious back. He could have swear that he hard someone else crying near.

“I-Iki ... Hiyori ... san?” He asked when he was fully awake.

“T-thank god” she said with her eyes full of tears “You’re ok!”

Kazuma sat trying to focus. His head was pounding.

“What happened? Where is sorcerer?” he asked. Hiyori eyes became even sadder as she respond with words: “He’s dead”

The girl stood up and went in the direction of the crying silquette. Kazuma looked there and his heart nearly stoped at the sight. There was a small figure of the boy on his knees clenching something to his chest and crying with Nora by his side. ‘Yukine...’

Why was he crying? Did he cared about sorcerer that much? Yes, he got a name from him but-

That’s when he saw it. The thing that the Yukine hold. The trucksuit...

He stood up so fast that he got dizzy. No way... no way! Of course he knew. Yukine told him before that if sorcerer dies Yato will disapear, but even though there was always a small hope in his heart that maybe it was a lie made up by sorcerer himself. That maybe Yato will survive killing his father and everything will end happily. Now the hope was gone. Yato was gone. After hearing so many painful words from Kazuma... He can never apolgise to Yato, to his friend and saviour. Never again.

The tears fall down his face “Y-Yukine...” he said “I’m-”

“Sorry?” he hard the other say. His voice raw and without any emotion. The boy stood up and turned to face Kazuma. His eyes were swollen but so cold that Kazuma could have swore that temperature inside warehouse droped a few degrees.

“What are you sorry for? You wanted this!” now Yukine was shaking with fury “You never cared for anyone besides yourself and Bishamon-sama!”

“T-that’s not true!” It wasn’t, right?

“SHUT UP YOU TRAITOR!”

“Yukine-kun!” Hiyori got to him and cathed his left arm while Nora catched the other one.

“YATO TRUSTED YOU! HE CALLED YOU HIS BEST FRIEND! AND YOU BETRAYED HIM! YOU LET HIM DIE! NO! YOU KILLED HIM BY ASKING HIM TO KILL HIS FATHER!” Yukine stopped trying to get free from their hold. He let his head down and began to shake again “And then you lost contious and left him all alone in his last moments! Yato died here completly alone! It’s you fault! Why? Why? GIVE HIM BACK!”

Yukine fall down to his knees sobbing hard. He haven’t said anything more. Just crying for minutes, hours, days, weeks...

***

Kazuma wiped out the tears from his face. He can’t cry. He needs to find Yukine before something happens to him. He used to be his teacher. He is responsible for him.

Yukine stayed in his room at Kofuku’s place for 2 months not talking to anyone, even Hiyori Iki. He wasn’t eating nor sleeping at all for this whole time. However tonight he disapeared.

‘Think...’ he told himself ‘Think Kazuma! There must be a place where he could have gone to... ’

He stood up so quiqly, that even he wasn’t sure if he was ever on his knees before, as the realisation hit him.

Yukine blames him for his master death. If he wants revange...

“Veena!” he shouted as began running nearly in the direction of Bishamons shrine. His master was still uncontious after being nearly killed by Heathens. She couldn’t protect herself in this state.

Once he got there, the worst possible scene came to his eyes. Yukine was completly posesed by demons. So much that Kazuma nearly didn’t recognise him. He saw this form already just before the boy was named by the sorcerer  with the help of Koto-no-ha. Yukine was holding Bishamon in his grip. The enormous claws were tightened on the goddess neck. She was still uncontoiuos but the frown on her face told Kazuma that she was in pain. She was gasping for air while the blight was already spreading from the place where Yukine beats claws into her skin. Kazuma had a flashback from the same situation when Tsuguha attacked her master.

“Y-Yukine!” Kazuma tried to reach possesed boy “Yukine, please put her down!”

The young shinki didn’t even flinch. Just turned his head to look at Kazuma and Kazuma wished he didn’t. His eyes, that looked more like ayakashi’s eyes now, where dark and liveless. It was just like looking into an abyss.

“And if I don’t?” asked the boy, his voice calm – to calm.

“Yukine, please listen. It’s not you!”

“Not me?” the boy’s grip on Bishamon’s neck tightened resulting in her screams. Kazuma panicked “Oh, that’s definitely me”

His heart was beating fast. He needed to act fast if he wanted to save his master but what should he do?

“Kazuma-san” the shinki continued “a few days ago you wanted me to share my pain and grieve with you. Maybe if I kill your master you’ll be able to understand me?” the spite in Yukine’s voice made Kazuma sick.

“Yukine, I am b-begging you, let’s go back. Hiyori will help you. I’m sure that Yato wouldn’t-”

Another scream from his master made Kazuma go silent.

“Shut up” Yukine said through his gritted teeth. “Don’t you dare saying his name!”

Yukine’s voice wasn’t calm anymore. Kazuma even without seeing his pupil’s face could tell that the other was crying.

“Yukine...”

“Don’t you dare saying you knew him! If you did, you would never let him do this! He never wanted to die!”

“Yukine, please let go of Veena! Let’s talk!”

“Talk?” the boy laughed “TALK?!”

His grip thighten so much that Kazuma was scared it might have broken Bishamon’s neck but her screams proved she was still alive.

“Yukine, STOP!”

“Or what? You’ll kill me? You have a lot of experience in this, don’t you?”

Kazuma’s stomach turned over when he heard those words. It’s true. Till now Kazuma never second guesssed his choices. He was ready to do anything for Veena. Even betray or KILL his friends so many times. In order to save Bishamon he didn’t hesitated to kill his entire clan, Tsuguha or even Yato. As long she was safe it didn’t matter who died from his hands. Now was time for Yukine too? Should he do the same now? Should he kill this poor little boy he used to call his pupil?

He shut his eyes tight and put his two fingers together ready to drawn a borderline. A borderline which will determine who will live and who will die. In his head he could see face of every person he killed. A vision of Tsuguha’s head lying in the pool of blood came back to hunt him. Will it switch to Yukine’s head from now on? His hand began to shake as tears streamed out of his eyes. No! He doesn’t want to kill him. He had enough of this. But what should he do? How can he help his pupil? Isn’t it too late already?

“What’s wrong?” asked the kid “It’s easy, isn’t it? You did that so many times to save her already. It’s just a little more blood on your hands...”

Kazuma opened his eyes to see Yukine’s face. It was calm... too calm! His eyes where looking at Kazuma with sadness and there was a lonely smile on his face. Just now it became clear to Kazuma what the boy wanted to achieve. He never wanted to kill Bishamon. He just wanted Kazuma to kill him instead!

Kazuma put down his hand.

“I’m sorry Yukine” he said “but I’m not gonna kill you”

The boy frowned.

“So you’re leaving your master to die? That’s so unlike you. I thought that anyone who wants to hurt your master is the enemy. That’s what you teached me.”

“It’s this thinking that got me in this situation in the first place. I’m fed up with betraying the people I care for. I don’t want to end up loosing anyone anymore. I don’t want to loose my pupil too” Kazuma smiled but it only angered Yukine more.

“Fine! If you not gonna kill me before I kill her you certainly will do it after I do!”

Yukine let go of the goddess letting her hit the ground and thrown himself at her with the intend to kill, ready to do the finishing  blow. Kazuma didn’t have enough time to think over how to react so he did the only thing he could think of. He thrown himself between his master and his pupil receiving the hit intended for Bishamon. Yukine looked at his teacher in horror.

“W-why?” he asked “You could have just kill me! Why did you do that?!”

“B-because” Kazuma said coughing blood “you’re my p-precious f-friend” he put up his hand to wipe out the tears on boy’s cheeks “so was Y-Yato... I c-can’t loose you too”

Kazuma began coughing more blood and his legs gave out under him. He could see Yukine’s panicked face. The ayakashi’s features where gone leaving broken and scared child.

“It’s alright” Kazuma tried to reasure the boy “I’m gonna be... just f-fine. The injury isn’t that deep. You had gone easy on me” He pated the kid’s head and smiled. It was clear that Yukine never intended to kill Bishamon even with the last blow. Kazuma pulled over to his chest the boy who was already a crying mess.

“Hushhh... It’s ok. It’s ok”

He took out a phone from his pocket and called Kuraha and after that Kofuku-san. Yukine needed Hiyori’s help, that’s for sure. After that he layed down and stroked Yukine’s head. The boy was still crying on his chest.

“Thank you Yukine” he whispered “Thanks to you I understood that I’ve been lying to myself all this time. I always thought that there is no other way. That betraying my friends was right as long as it is for Veena. But it wasn’t. I was wrong and I never did it for her. I did it for myself. I felt I couldn’t lose her so I never realy cared about her wishes-”

“That i-isn’t t-true” Yukine tried to object but because of the tears what came out reminded a chocked sound “Y-you did it b-because you l-love her. I understand that m-much”

It caught Kazuma off-guard.

“I forgive you” the kid continued “and I’m sure the rest would too”

Kazuma’s eyes began to sting. Tsuguha’s and other’s faces stood before his eyes but this time it was different – he saw them smilling...

The tears began to fall down from his eyes. Maybe he really could be forgiven. And maybe – just maybe – one day he will be able to forgive himself.

******************

A/N: So yeah... Kazuma’s character development because he needs to get rid of this not healthy obsession over his master he showed lately. Also for those who don’t like sad endings: Yato didn’t die (if you’re Tsukuyomi theory fan), just got the memories of the previous incarnation and needs time to accept it or was taken into custody by Heathens. Also I believe in Nora’s change of heart but still made her fight Yato and Kazuma – the reason is simple: no matter if she knows what Father’s doing is wrong or how much she wants to help Yato and the rest, she still cares for Father and for Yato and doesn’t want to loose them.

[fanficparker]

Faking, Falling > Part 2

Harrison Osterfield x Reader (Fake dating! Unrequited love switcheroo!)

Word count: ~2.3k words 

Warning: Swearing, Angst, Fuckboy attitude

Summary: Harrison has some walls he wants to break but ends up repairing them again & again.

<< PART 1 [ MASTERLIST ] PART 3 >>

Ting

The light sound of clinking wine glasses, followed by soft laughs filled the room, a lot less busy than it was on weekends.

"You are really late Harrison, we were expecting you to flake out!" Claire chuckled, walking towards Harrison, her smooth tanned legs shimmering in the yellow light. Before Harrison could remove the wine glass from his lips and answer, she snatched it from his hand and sipped the liquid. It didn't even take her a minute to throw her legs over Harrison's and sit on his lap.

"Sorry babe, I was thirsty," she simply said, ignoring her old question and Harrison was no more bothered to answer it as her sitting on his lap was more of a headache for him.

"I will get myself a beer then," he tried to move but she pushed him back.

"Please babe take me home..." She whined like a child wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Harrison's friends scrunched their nose giving him the 'no PDA' look. He nodded ignoring the beautiful girl whose presence was mentally strangling him. To be honest, he wasn't interested to go anywhere with her. Claire was already drunk much before Harrison joined them in the pub, he was sure she had already undressed and dressed twice with some other guy or guys. Her dress was creased and her hair looked like sex hair. He didn't want her hands on his body, who knows if she even washed them after whatever she did. The thought of Claire's maybe dirty hands made the bile rise up to his throat. But he didn't want to look disrespectful or create any scene. It isn't like Claire never slept with him before, but he didn't want her anymore.

Slowly and slowly he felt drunker than any of the days he was actually drunk. He hasn't even properly taken a sip of alcohol but his head was already spinning. He could no more tell what his friends were talking about or hear the music. Maybe it was because of the pair of boys standing at the corner, their backs facing him. Both were shorter than him and had brown curls. Just one of them had thicker curls than the other and maybe his shade of brown was much closer to red. Damn, he wanted it to be Tom and Harry. They must be Tom and Harry. He hasn't met any of the Hollands or Tuwaine for a long time. He wished with all his heart that they were them. He waited for them to turn to face him. He felt weird. He felt hopeless yet hopeful. He never shifted his gaze from the boys. Maybe, maybe someone told them of his weird gaze because they shifted and turned, finally.

No.

It wasn't them. They were someone else, just had similar hair. They squinted their eyes making Harrison turn to the other side only to face his new friends.

Friends...

Sometimes he asked himself why he was even considering them friends. They weren't anything like Tom or Tuwaine or the twins. But the latter were now no more his friends. The spinning in his head was no more alone, his throat and chest were burning too. He tapped Claire's shoulder but she still didn't move.

"Get up. Get the fuck up!" He whispered in her ear with gritted teeth, almost threatening her. Claire didn't say anything else and removed herself from him. He ignored the questions his 'friends' were asking and walked out of the pub.

No one followed him, and he didn't expect either.

At least he could breathe air. Instead of getting in his car, he decided to walk along the pavement. He shoved his hands inside his jeans pocket, he felt the chill breeze touching his cheeks but it only made the burning sensation bearable. He kept walking until he saw the café, the café he had spent the most time in. It was small and closed but one of the finest in London.

He peeked through the glass, the lights from the street lamps showed the setup. His head drifted back to memories... The memories... The memories when he and Tuwaine would tease Tom and Harry with the breakfast pouring their least favourite syrup on their waffles or pancakes while Sam was the one shaking his head at the stupidity. No one cared if people watched them, made faces for their nuisances, all that mattered was they were friends, more like brothers enjoying in their typical 'div' manner. Sometimes Harrison's sister Charlotte used to join them, but she had her head inside the phone, Sam's girlfriend joined frequently, sometimes more friends and sometimes Shelly used to join them too...

Shelly...

He puffed air remembering her face making the fog stick to the window panes. He rubbed it off with his palm, but this time instead of looking inside he focused on his own reflection.

He looked different. The mirror could tell he had changed from outside, but what it couldn't tell was how much he had changed from inside.

He thought he hated the old him. But he was wrong. He hated what he has become. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, calming his heart rate. He didn't want to go to his lonely flat. It's been a while he slept in his family house or ate with them. He missed how much he wanted to pat his dog Monty, how much he wanted to play with him or smile at the breakfast table when his mom made him breakfast accompanied with a little smiley she drew using ketchup or honey.

He checked the time. It was already 1:30 am. The new Harrison would never call his family at this time, he hated when they asked too many questions. But he missed the old him. He didn't waste any time and called his mom telling her that he was coming home and that there was nothing to worry about. He didn't care his family home was the complete opposite of where he was right now, he just drove there and it felt comforting.

* * *

You exhaled deeply, sipping your coffee.

"Is that Harrison's car?"

Yes, it was his car. You saw him through the open window. You instantly checked the time on your phone.

8:20 am...

Wasn't he supposed to reach there by six?! That's the only reason you had to stay late yesterday...

The curiosity in you got you up and you found yourself following him behind in your car.

All you remember was searching for the perfect opportunity when he was vulnerable. You were ready to roll your dice. You parked your car just behind him and followed him slowly as he hurriedly rushed inside the building.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

George wasn't yelling but he surely sounded frustrated.

"I just got... stuck in the traffic." Harrison moved his hand through his unruly, uncombed hair, something he did when he knew his excuse was scarily dumb.

He just felt too comfortable and safe sleeping in his family home. He knew he was already an hour late but still waited to eat breakfast with his family and petted his dog. But his mom didn't make that smiley with ketchup on his breakfast this time... Nor his sister talked about any new meme she stumbled across or about her new friends or a crush or something hilarious that happened in a party she attended. They did smile at him and were nice to him. But they weren't them... Maybe... maybe because he wasn't himself.

"It's two and a half hours past six. The photographers were really pissed. It's dangerous for my reputation. How am I supposed to face them again? Should I shut this project?" George slid into the chair, hands on his face. Harrison was always a bit late, but a 'bit' and this time it was literally too much especially when George had invited some prestigious photographers for magazines and advertising.

Harrison could see everything taking a worse turn, his own reputation seemed to be in danger right now. And then he saw you through his peripheral vision. He didn't care whether he considered you stalking but the fact that you were always punctual (and hence trustworthy for George) was something he could use.

"My car first stuck in the traffic and then got punctured, Y/n was right there. You can ask her!" He pointed at your direction as George's head shot up.

Harrison made a pleading expression with his face. Lips shut tight but a bit pouted, eyebrows bent and focused in the middle. He knew you were someone who would literally help anyone in trouble and he was shameless about using you.

But what he didn't know was you were into a game and were ready to help anyone maybe, expect him.

You gave him a smile and he felt assured. He straightened his posture and a proud smile tugged on his lips.

"Is it so Y/n?" George looked at you and you walked to both of them.

"I mean I would really help Harrison with his punctured car if I was there. I got out of the home after 8 myself and found him speeding. I have no idea. And basically, Cath drives via highway and is still on time, I don't know how Harrison got stuck in the traffic. Is it so Harrison?"

All this time Harrison looked at you wide-eyed, jaw slack. He was sure you would say yes, but wow... He had no idea what to say back, he kept shifting his gaze from George to you and you to George.

"Well, I gotta do my work so excuse me." And you moved away from the drama with a smirk on your face. Smirking was no more his thing now.

* * *

You were relaxing at your table when Harrison stormed in.

"Are you possessed or something?" He said with an annoyed expression. "You really could have simply said yes and you said---"

"The truth?" You raised your eyebrows.

"Uh-ah" He was once again devoid of replies, mouth slightly open. Still, he tried his best to defend himself.

"But-but... You could have lied. Now George will think I am a liar." He was unsure of his own words, he threw his hands to look justified, to hide how much your words were able to manipulate him, make him look weak.

"Become a liar myself to save your lying ass. Sounds fair." You pretended as if his presence or absence didn't matter making you read the magazine than looking at him.

"It affected my self-esteem." He said quietly which made you look at him.

"Like you cared for mine at Rick's party. I didn't ask you to lie, to pretend as if... as if you like me. And how did you treat me?"

This time you weren't acting...

"It's old Y/n. No one remembers---"

"I remember! Wished someone did that to you. You would know how it felt." You made your way out, not noticing how your little words completely swept away all the colour from his face.

***

Days went by and you were happy that you were really not at all giving Harrison any of your attention, although after the little conversation he didn't actually bother you much. Maybe your little plan was working. But you weren't satisfied with your work, you wanted all your venom for him. You wanted to hate him utterly and wanted him to know that you hated him.

Maybe you could do something terrible like he did?

But then won't you both be the same?

But what he did, is it worth to be forgiven or for god sake forgotten?

You thought about it all weekend, reaching no conclusion in specific.

There's isn't just any article available on the internet to teach you how to hate someone.

The more you thought about it, the more you asked yourself the question, is your goal is to show him hate or make him realise what he did deserve the hate?

There weren't many days left for the shoot to get over. You won't have to deal with him anymore. Why waste this precious time thinking about him? But you really can't completely get him out of your mind at the same time.

And then it hit like a switch. Simon who is also your assistant had a good fight over something with Harrison. And Simon was also the one who just a week ago asked you on a date. Why don't you date your enemy's enemy? Especially when Simon is nothing like Harrison...

***

All-day during the work you tried your best to be near Simon and when finally, in the lunchtime he looked relaxed you decided it was the best time to talk.

"I really thought about what you said. I mean I really thought about you..."

He gave you a confused look.

"Thought about what exactly?"

"I mean you are really nice and sweet and I think I can manage my time and think about... You know that... date?"

Fuck. This wasn't supposed to be this direct. What if he's no more interested. You sank on your seat, about to die from embarrassment when Simon chuckled... More like happily giggled.

"I am really really happy that you thought about it. I will love to follow up."

There was the biggest smile on his lips which in turn made you smile.

Fuck that time when Harrison made you smile with his fake ones. Fuck him.

"So tonight?" He asked.

"Tonight." You replied almost trying not to smile more.

Now all you have to do is go on this date and also in some way make Harrison know how much his enemy was better than him...

_________________________

I love you & your feedbacks... But idk if you love me...

PERMANENT TAGLIST (Everything I write):

@i-love-superhero  // @caswinchester2000  //@vintagexquill* // @babebenhardy //@acceptance07  // @caitcaitcaitcait1 // @httplayer // @hollisellers2003* // @thequeensardine // @osterfieldholland01 // @jjasalem // @zselenophile // @miraclesoflove //@yourmum792* // @maryosprinkle // @crazyfreaker // @practicallylivesonline // @trustfundparker // @emcsii04 //

Faking, Falling - Haz x Reader Series:

@haz-the-divvy-div-div* // @avenirectioner // @kisses-holland // @tominhoodies // @hazarchive a.k.a @deleteidentity // @yourmum95 // @alt-ernativewonderland // @plumsfrombucharest // @justasmisunderstoodasloki // @thotsterfield // @osterfield-holland-andcompany // @tomhollandthing // @veronicas-littleworld // @still-awake-daydreaming // @fic-lover // @v-valz-n // @justchillinhereandthere // @peter-man-parker //

All Harrison Osterfield x Reader content (Series + One-shots):

@tomhaz // @v-valz-n //

[winterisakiller]

Get Better - Chapter Ten

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 10/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do. This story will update on Thursdays.

Tag list: @tinchentitri @noplacelikehome77 @theheartofpenelope @blacksuitofdoom @nonsensicalobsessions @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @wolfsmom1 @just-the-hiddles @theoneanna @hiddlescastle @echantedbytwh @alexakeyloveloki

Previous Chapter

CHAPTER TEN

 Allie clung to her uncle’s hand, babbling excitedly, as they made their way through the park and back towards the house. Laughing, Tom did his best to follow the girl’s rambling but found it to be of little effect; not that he really needed to do anything save smile and nod along. But still, he tried. Bobby tugged at his lead as they passed the busy park gate, forcing Tom to keep a tighter grip lest the furry beast make another escape attempt.

 “Not on your life, dog,” he rebuked sharply. Bobby let out a soft yip of protest but quickly fell into line.

 “Bobby bad!” Allie shouted, giggling and pointing at the spaniel who let out a small whimper.

 Tom chuckled and shook his head. Out of the mouths of babes.

 More than a few people had stopped at watched the party as they passed. Allie noticed and waved happily at them. A few waved back and whispered amongst themselves when Tom turned and caught their gaze. It was strange still, the attention. Even after years of it, Tom still found himself a little taken aback.

 It didn’t bother him over much, as long as people were respectful (and usually they were). But the impact it had on those around him…Allie was young enough to think that her Uncle Tommy just had lots of friends. And had responded accordingly, with smiles and waves of her own. His eldest niece, Cora though…She had been there when things had been at their most chaotic (and there were sadly multiple pictures to prove it) and he’d known Sarah hadn’t been thrilled about any of what had happened. It was one thing to drag himself through the mess, she’d told him disapproval etched clearly across her features, and quite another to involve others who had little to no say in the matter. And she’d been right. He hadn’t been thinking in those few chaotic months. He’d just thrown himself in headfirst and hadn’t bothered to consider the consequences until far, far too late.

 Tom clung tighter to the young girl’s hand and quickened his pace. He kept his attention on the path ahead of them. If Allie had noticed the change in her uncle’s behavior, she made no comment on it, simply skipping along beside him, hand still tightly clasped in his. It took another five minutes before they were safely through the gate and Tom was unlocking the front door. He pushed it open and ushered both spaniel and niece inside. Bobby barked and hopped around excitedly (much to Allie’s delight) as Tom freed him from the leash and harness and took off like a shot down the hallway. Allie squealed (a frightening amount of noise from someone so small, Tom noted with a wince) and took off after the spaniel shouting “Bobby! Bobby!” at the top of her voice, her coat laying in a pile on the floor behind her.

 Tom shook his head and shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it, Allie’s small coat (which he’d grabbed and shaken out), and the harness on the hall tree. He padded towards the living room, finding Bobby curled up on his bed and Allie lying beside him, head on his stomach. He quickly pulled out his mobile and snapped a photo, texting it without comment to Emma. The answering series of heart-eyed emoticons he received in reply made Tom chuckle aloud.

 Allie sat up, looking at her uncle quizzically. “What funny?”

 “Your mum. She thinks the picture I sent her of you and Bobby is adorable and has told me so quite enthusiastically.”

 “Picture?” Allie’s eyes lit up. “Show me! Show me! Show me!” She leapt up off the floor and charged at Tom, arms outstretched and reaching towards the mobile in his hand. Tom laughed and knelt on the ground besides her turning the mobile so she could see the message between himself and mother, and scrolled quickly up to the picture he’d sent. Allie giggled in delight. “Allie pretty!”

 Tom nodded, kissing her on the top of her head. “Yes, my darling Allie is very pretty indeed. And smart and funny. And my favorite youngest niece ever.”

 She beamed at him and wrapped him in a tight, enthusiastic hug. “Bestest Uncle Tommy ever!” She boldly declared and Tom’s answering smile made her giggle all the more.

 With a grin of his own, Tom scooped Allie up into his arm, delighting in her squeals, and dropped her bodily onto the couch. Ignoring her cries of protest, Tom initiated a tickle attack and both were soon laughing and shouting at the top of their lungs. Bobby, thoroughly bewildered by his owner’s departure from sanity seemed to decide that if you can’t beat them, join them and threw himself bodily into the fray; barking and licking both Tom and Allie with unbridled excitement.

 The scene lasted until Tom, out of breath and clearly knowing when he was beat, called for a cease fire. Allie pouted but was quickly won back over with the promise of watching her favorite program on TV. With Allie firmly enraptured on the couch, Tom climbed to his feet and wrangled the bright-eyed spaniel back onto his bed. He ducked into the kitchen grabbing himself a bottle of water and Allie a glass of juice which she greedily drank down.

 At three o’clock on the dot the familiar buzz of his front gate echoed from the main hall. Tom pushed himself up from the couch and padded towards the control panel. Emma’s smiling face greeted him from the gate’s camera feed. “Ah, you’ve finally returned I see.” Tom joked, hitting the button that opened the gate.

 Emma shook her head and laughed. “Yes, Sir Whine-A-Lot, I’ve come to claim my daughter from your unsavory clutches. Be up in a moment.”

 The doorbell sounded shortly thereafter and Emma stood beaming up at her older brother. “So I see you’re still in one piece.”

 “I am capable of minding children, Em. I didn’t even break her this time.” He wriggled his eyebrows and laughed heartily at his sister’s answering glare.

 “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” Allie sprinted around the corner and threw herself at her mother’s feet, clinging tightly to her. “Missed you!”

 Emma laughed, bending down to give her daughter a quick once over and kiss her on the head. “She seems to be in full working order. Thank you for not maiming my baby this time brother dear.”

 Tom groaned good-naturedly. “How many times do I have to tell you that was freak accident? And she was fine…”

 “You however,” Emma chimed in, chuckling, “Were an absolute mess. God, I wish I had recorded it. I would have made a mint selling it online.”

 Tom narrowed his eyes. “And Luke would have murdered you…Right after I was done with you.”

 Emma scoffed. “Neither of you scare me, Tom. You forget I’ve known you all my life.”

 Tom narrowed his eyes a fraction more, his lips trembling with suppressed laughter, all but giving the game away. “Don’t you need to be off home?”

 “Aww is big bad Tommy upset that his little sister knows how much of a softy he really is?”

 “I am perfectly comfortable with my ‘softness’ as you seem determined to call it.” Tom retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest which only made Emma laugh harder.

 Allie pulled back from her mother’s legs and looked up at both adults. “Can we stay?”

 “No, honey,” Emma started, sighing as the light started to dim in her daughter’s eyes. “Gran is coming to our house to stay with you tonight while mummy and daddy go out for a little bit. We need to get you home and ready.”

 Allie frowned slightly and looked up at Tom, her eyes pleading with him to give in.

 He smiled down at her. “I know you want to stay, darling girl. But you do have to go home with mummy. You mustn’t keep your Gran waiting. I know she’s quite excited to spend time with you. And besides all that, Uncle Tommy needs to get ready for work now.”

 The young girl’s eyes immediately lit up. “You see Princess?”

 Tom let out a soft laugh at the confusion in his sister’s eyes. “Maybe. Now come here and give me a hug.” Allie stood obediently and wrapped her arms around Tom, who had knelt before her. He kissed her cheek and stood. “Now be good for your Gran. She’s been through enough just raising your mum.”

 Emma scoffed and hit Tom on the shoulder causing him to let out an involuntary yelp that quickly morphed into helpless laughter as he rubbed his arm. She narrowed her eyes at him and, with hands on her hips, snapped. “Thomas William!”

 He only laughed harder, tears welling in his eyes. “Sorry, Em,” he coughed out between bouts of laughter. “But that only holds power when mum does it.”

 Emma merely groaned and bent to pick up her offspring. “You are ridiculous, Tom. Completely and utterly ridiculous…And mum always liked me best.”

 Tom clapped a hand to his heart, a frown quickly spreading across his face. “Fair lady, you wound me.”

 “Save the theatrics for the stage, Shakespeare.” She adjusted her hold on Allie who was watching the interplay between mother and uncle with rapt attention. Outside the loud honk of a horn echoed. “Alright, that is our ride sweetheart. Say bye bye to Uncle Tommy.”

 Reluctantly Allie did so and with the echo of another honk behind them, mother and daughter headed out into the late afternoon sun. Tom shook his head, waving as they climbed into the waiting taxi and shut the door.  

 He turned to find Bobby sitting in the doorway of the living room watching him with a cocked head. “Yes your friend had to go. You’ll see her again soon enough you ridiculous mutt.” He reached down and scratched the spaniel between the ears. He glanced at his watch, sighed, and took the steps up towards his room two at a time. He still needed to shower and change and make sure Bobby was settled before heading out. The theatre, as they always say, waits for no man.

                                                             —

 Tom smiled as he joined hands with Zawe, Charlie, and Eddie as they looked out over the crowd and took their final bow. His smile brightened as the cheering and applause grew in volume. He let himself bask in the response from the audience. There was honestly nothing quite like the sheer rush he got from performing in front of a crowd, seeing their responses, feeling their energy. And while he enjoyed television and film work, there was nothing quite like the response one got from the stage. It was exhilarating and Tom knew he would not tire of it any time soon.

 The night’s show, overall, had gone rather well; though Charlie had taken great pleasure in trying to make Tom crack during the restaurant scene. He nearly succeeded when a piece of melon flew off of Tom’s fork and into the front row. It had taken everything Tom had to hold his composure as Charlie’s eyes bugged nearly out of his head as the melon soared through the air. He covered with a large sip of his ‘wine’ and thankfully they made it through the scene with minimal damage. They’d both recovered well and the rest of the show had gone off, thankfully, without a hitch. He sighed, thinking how easily it all could have gone to pot; such was the way of theatre.

 He’d caught Cath’s eye as he made his way off stage and towards the stairs leading to the dressing rooms. She smiled brightly at him before turning her attention back to Lorna. The two women appeared to be caught in a rather fraught conversation and Tom caught Lorna’s gaze flicking at him several times. It was strange and he couldn’t help feeling there was something happening that he was not privy to.

 Shaking it off, Tom continued his climb and once in the dressing room headed quickly towards the curtain which housed his street clothes. Methodically, he began to process of shedding Robert and climbing back into his own skin. It was such a necessary part of his overall process, physically removing the parts of each character he embodied and taking back himself. He wouldn’t have been able to explain it had he tried and he had, several times, to family and friends who were not ‘in the business’ as it were.

 From his hidden space behind the curtain, he could hear voices echoing up the stairs. Cath and Lorna followed shortly thereafter by Charlie and Zawe. Pulling his jumper over his head, Tom pulled the curtain back and headed towards Cath’s station to remove his stage make-up. Cath was waiting, something in her eyes he couldn’t quite read. They cleared and brightened as he approached which helped to ease the knot which had formed in his gut. He didn’t let himself think on the hows and whys of it, simply allowed her to lead him into the chair and begin to wipe his face clean. Her touch was light, gentle, and he found himself leaning into her hand as it rested on the side of his face.

 “Another good night,” Cath started as she brushed a strand of hair from her face before tossing the used wipe in the trash and reaching for another. “No major mishaps from what I could see…Save the melon you generously donated to someone in the audience.”

 Tom felt his face flush. “Well it was bound to happen sooner rather than later.”

 Cath snorted, “Yes. Especially with the way you flail about.”

 “I’m surprised he hasn’t taken my eye out yet,” Charlie’s voice chimed in from across the room. “Man is an absolute menace. I’m surprised the theatre’s got enough insurance to cover him.”

 “Very funny.”

 He turned his head and saw Charlie grinning widely at him. “Well I certainly think so.”

 “Of course you do, Cox.”

 Cath’s hand tightened on his chin, forcing him to turn back around to face her. “As much as I love watching you two old hens bicker, if you’d like me to get the rest of this lot off your face in a timely manner then I need to see said face.” Tom had the decency to look contrite as he settled further into the chair and let her finish her task. “Now was that so difficult?”

 Tom rolled his eyes, smiling at her. “You have no idea.”

 “Children,” Cath retorted, pushing at his back. “The lot of you.” Laughter echoed through the room. “Alright, you are good to go. Now scram. Go meet your viewing public.” Good natured grumbles carried the three actors out of the room and down the stairs towards the stage door and the waiting line of theatre-goers.

                                                          —

 “Tom, you were wonderful!” Emma gushed, pulling her older brother into a tight hug as he walked into the backstage greeting room. He’d shed his coat upon re-entering the building (stage door had been its usual bustling self though the weather had taken a much colder turn since the late afternoon) and was grateful for his own forethought. The room itself was quite warm and he had no doubt he would have sweated half to death had he left it on. “You blew me away. Honestly.”

 A broad smile spread across Tom’s face as he returned his sister’s embrace. “Thank you.” He pulled back and smiled at Jack who stood a few paces back, bottle of water in hand. “I’m glad you both could come.”

 “Like we’d miss this,” Emma chuckled, nodding back at her husband. “It’s been far too long since we’ve had a grown up night out.”  

 Jack nodded in agreement. “Too true.”

 “So,” Emma started turning her attention back towards Tom, amusement clear in her eyes. “Allie would not stop talking about the ‘pretty princess in the park’ all the way home this afternoon. Who’s the pretty princess, Thomas?”

 A groan slipped past his lips and he shook his head. “The head make-up artist from the show, Cath. We ran into her after Bobby, being the wonderful and obedient creature he is, took off on us at the park. Luckily, she found and brought him back. You know Allie and her princesses. She got it in her head that Cath was a princess and Cath was thankfully wonderful about it.”

 “Oh was she?” He did not like the look in his sister’s eyes at all and shot a quick glance at his brother-in-law for support. Jack merely shrugged and left Tom to the mercy of his sister. “Is she still here? I’d love to meet the woman who’s completely captivated my daughter.”

 Tom rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Everything in him was screaming that granting his sister’s request would only end in disaster. But before he could think of a polite way to turn her down, he caught the sound of Cath’s warm voice echoing from across the room. His eyes automatically sought her out, smiling at the way she laughed with Zawe and Lorna, her face alight as she listened to whatever story Zawe appeared to be telling.

 “Oh ho, would that be the famous Cath over there then?”

 He turned back to find his sister grinning knowingly at him with a spark in her eye that he simply did not trust. “Emma…”

 “Don’t ‘Emma’ me Thomas,” she started. “I just want to meet the woman Allie won’t stop raving about. That’s not too great a request.”

 This was not an argument he could win and Tom bloody well knew it. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. “Em, she’s clearly busy…”

 “It will take all of five minutes,” Emma countered before hurrying off across the room. Tom cursed under his breath and chased after her. His little sister on a mission could be a terribly frightening thing.

 “Emma!”

 But it was too late, Emma had come to a stop in front of Zawe and Cath hand outstretched and smiling brightly.

                                                           —

 Cath shook her head, laughter spilling from her as Zawe launched into the story of the odd encounter she’d had wandering around the city earlier that day; her hands gesticulating wildly as she described the way the woman had stormed out of the shop leaving a stream of confused and angry patrons in her wake. Had it been anyone else, Cath wouldn’t have believed it. Only Zawe would manage to stumble into such an absurd situation.

 Out of the corner of her eye she watched Tom chatting with a shorter, strawberry blonde woman; his sister she guessed as he’d mentioned her coming to the show tonight. She found herself watching them interact despite her best efforts to keep her attention on Zawe.

 “Earth to Cath. Are you even listening to me?”

 Cath blinked, her eyes snapping back to the actress’ amused face. “I’m sorry, what?”

 Both Zawe and Lorna shared an amused look before breaking into a fresh wave of laughter.

 “Could you be any more obvious?” Lorna snorted. “I mean seriously.”

 “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cath felt the color rising in her cheeks and knew there was no way she could hide it. “I’m just tired.”

 “Tired?” Zawe smirked. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“It’s nothing but me being ridiculous. Can we drop it, please?”

 Lorna quirked an eyebrow. “It’s not ridiculous if it’s a mutual thing. And boy has been watching you…”

 Zawe laughed and clapped her hands. “Oh yes he has.”

 “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Cath sighed. Both women shook their heads. “Of course not.”

 “Just because you are in denial doesn’t mean that it’s not true?” Lorna started.

 “It’s not like that, and you both know it. We are friends. He’s a great guy but it doesn’t go beyond that. It couldn’t not without being a huge mess.”

 “And why ever not?” Zawe asked incredulously.

 Beside her Lorna sighed. “I’ve tried that route. Little Miss Stubborn over here won’t budge.”

 “I’m not stubborn,” Cath retorted. “I’m just being realistic.”

 “Realistic about what?” Zawe countered. “If you were being realistic you would be able to accept that Tom…”

 A movement in the periphery of her vision caught Cath’s attention. She turned in time to find Tom’s sister moving with purpose across the room towards her, an exasperated Tom close on her heels. Cath blinked in confusion.

 “Hello, I’m Emma,” the woman started, extending her hand towards Cath. “This one here is my dork of an older brother.”

 “Cath.” She took the proffered hand and shook it firmly. “Pleasure to meet you.”

 Behind his sister Tom mouthed, “I am so sorry.”

 Cath couldn’t help the smile that spread slowly across her face. She knew all too well about overeager siblings and found herself wondering just what Emma had up her sleeve.

 “…wouldn’t stop talking about you. Clearly you’ve made quite the impression.” Emma shook her head, laughing. “Allie’s quite taken with you.”

 Everything clicked into place. With the way Allie must have talked it was no wonder the woman had seemed so eager to get to meet her. “You’re Allie’s mum! Oh bless, she is an absolute sweetheart! I quite enjoyed getting to know her. I do apologize if I got her all riled up. She was just so enthusiastic I couldn’t help playing along.”

 “It’s no problem. She’s usually a complete chatterbox after spending any sort of time with this oaf.” She reached back and thumped Tom in the chest. “It’s like they feed off one another. Can’t get a word in edgewise.”

 Tom grumbled and rubbed his chest. “I’m fairly confident she got the motor mouth from you. I just have had years of practice managing it.”

 Emma rolled her eyes and smiled at the women standing before her. “You lot must be saints putting up with him.”

 Zawe snorted a laugh. “He certainly makes the job interesting. Cath here’s the real saint. She’s the one that has to take that face and make it into something people actually want to look at.”

 “Hey,” Tom cried. “I am right here, you know. I can hear you.”

 “And we’re all thrilled you’ve not lost your hearing in your advanced age.” There was gleam in Emma’s eyes as she teased her brother, one Cath recognized all too well. She found herself heartened by the fact he was close with his family. True, he had spoken of them to her and to most of the cast and crew often enough, but seeing the bond he shared with his younger sister in person was something altogether different. It was another piece of the puzzle of him Cath was working to figure out. Another part of him that seemed to be exactly as it appeared.

 Tom let out a resigned sigh and shook his head. “To think I was thrilled to pieces about becoming a big brother. Oh to be so young and naïve…”

 Emma merely grinned, grabbing one of Tom’s hands and squeezing. “You love me and you know it, big brother. Besides what would life be like without me here to keep you on the level?”

 “Infinitely quieter.”

 “But so much less fun.”

 “So says you.”

 Emma stuck her tongue out at her brother and Tom dropped his head back, laughing heartily. Cath smiled, basking in the utter delight and amusement radiating from Tom. It was wonderful, watching him interact with someone he cared for. Seeing bits of him that he did not always keep on display; the long suffering and cheeky older brother.

 “But on a serious note,” Tom started once he’d calmed enough to speak coherently, “we should probably get going before it gets too late.”

 Cath ignored the jolt of disappointment at the idea of Tom leaving. Why should it matter? It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t see him the next day and the day after that. They had only just started the show’s run, there was still plenty of time to see and speak with him. She was being ridiculous and needed to get over this…whatever it was…and quickly. Cath smiled first at Tom and then at Emma. “Well then, I won’t take up any more of your evening.” She turned her attention towards Emma. “It was lovely meeting you, Emma. Tell Allie I say hello. See you tomorrow, Tom.”

 Turning and pointedly ignoring Zawe and Lorna’s quiet protest, Cath headed towards the greeting room door, intent on heading upstairs to grab her bag and coat. The dressing room had already been set to rights and most of the stage crew had left for the night; it was about time she headed home.

 “Wait,” Emma called.

 Cath paused, turning back to find the woman walking towards her smiling with her hand held out.

 “If you are heading out, why don’t you come with us?” Cath watched eyes Tom’s eyes widened then quickly narrowed at his sister’s words. The annoyance and frustration rolled off him in waves. Emma ignored the terse way her brother called her name, continuing on with her invitation. “We’re heading out for drinks and I’d love to pick your brain a bit more.” She paused, flicking her eyes towards Zawe and Lorna, before smiling. “All three of you. So what do you say?”

Next Chapter

[seelaa26]

6. I Warned Myself

“Do you remember when you said to not tell anybody? ‘Cause if you do, I’ll be the first to put my hands around your throat. I warned myself that I shouldn’t play with fire but I can tell that I’ll do it one more time”

As usual, I always arrived at the lab about ten minutes before my shift started so I had time to leave my things in the locker and go to the break room to make me a coffee, and if I was not alone, socialize with my colleagues. Sara was usually the first one to arrive, so we met in the break room, but this time, it was Catherine who was there.

-¡Hey, Cath! –I greeted with a smile as I walked toward the coffee machine to make myself one- Coffee?

-¡Hey Laura! –She greeted back a few seconds later- No. Thank you.

Catherine was sitting in one of the chairs and with her phone she was trying to call someone but apparently that person didn’t pick up the phone which led her straight to the voicemail.

-Are you okay? –I asked without knowing how she was going to take the question- Can I help you with something?

-Don’t worry, it’s just.. –she blew and put her hands in her head- Lindsey had a ballet performance today and I couldn’t make it in time, so the teacher called her father and now he’s with Linds and I don’t know.. I’m not calm knowing the mess Eddie is.

-Why don’t you take the night off then?

-I can’t, it’s Nicky’s night off and we’d be two people short –She breathed and tried to calm herself- Besides, we’ve got a 445A in a business building.

-What? A bomb?!

-Yes –She nodded before looking at her phone again for the last time- Sara and Grissom are already at the crime scene so we should be probably get going.

We picked up our field kit and we both climbed into the SUV that Catherine was driving. Apparently, the crime scene wasn’t far from the lab but still, we had to cross busy streets.

-You know, this is my first case with bombs.

-Yeah? You like them?

-No, I hate them –I explained myself- Besides leaving the scene in a mess, everything’s burned and in a thousand pieces. It’s a lot of work and usually I don’t mind it, but I just hate everything that goes BOOM.

Suddenly, a car coming from our left almost collided with us. Catherine stopped on the side of the road since we were both scared and with our hearts beating way too fast.

-Are you okay? –She asked putting her hand in my arm- I’m so sorry Laura. I just, I didn’t saw the red light and kept driving..

-Cath, Cath.. –I did the same and held her hands to calm her down- It’s okay. Nothing happened so don’t waste time thinking about it. Do you want me to drive from here?

She nodded so we switched places and a few minutes later we arrived at the crime scene. We met up with Brass in the front of what used to be the doors to the building. He filled us in.

-We’re all clear to go in, but here’s what we got. Couple of head wounds. Elderly guy had his arm torn off. The only fatality so far is Jake Richards, a security guard. Body’s still inside.

We turned our flashlights on as we walked through the lobby. Grissom and Sara were kneeling down besides the body. We made our way toward them and put our kits down as we looked.

-How big you think this bomb was? –Brass asked.

-It’s not the size of the bomb –Sara answered- It’s the overpressure in the air around it.

-The Van Gogh Effect in stereo, both ears –Grissom pointed his flashlight at the dead man’s head- A perfectly symmetrical amputation. Means he was looking directly at the bomb when it went off.

-Smell the sulfur? –Catherine sniffed and took a small sample scraping of the black stuff on the body - Light this, please.

-Gunpowder –I concluded when the black powder on the knife exploded- Well, we know the propellant.

-The dirty little secret of bombs is how easy they are to make and use –Grissom stood up- Our murder weapon’s here someplace in a thousand pieces. We have to find it and put it back together again.

-Bombs explode. Weird thing is their components survive the explosion. If we can piece together this bomb, we’re closer to finding who did this.

Using a magnetic device, I started gathering the minute pieces of metal in the debris. Sara and Catherine started bagging other pieces of metal and Warrick took photos of the whole crime scene. A few hours later, we returned to the lab and Catherine, Sara and I looked at all the bomb pieces we gathered spread out on the table in front of us.

-So all of this stuff is from a five-meter radius of the point of origin? –Sara asked surprised.

-Yep –I nodded- Graphic explanation of why I hate bombs.

-How could the victim possibly be in one piece?

-Vacuum effect –Catherine explained- The air is being pushed out so fast when the bomb detonates there’s a calm at the center.

-Did you figure out what this “FP” stands for? –Sara picked up a gear piece.

-I ran it through the ATF’s bomb database but no profile.

-So our bomber’s a newbie. Does he fit Grissom’s wack job from the bomb site? Dominic, the security guard?

-It’s too soon to tell.

Apparently, a security guard from the building in which the bomb had exploded had approached Grissom to offer his help. He was a fan of bombs. Speak of the devil.. Grissom walked into the room carrying something.

-I found something interesting –he showed it to us- Looks like a balance wheel from a clock. Bomb was time-delayed. This is a piece of a timing device.

-What about the orange stuff? –Sara asked.

-Heat of the explosion must have melted whatever it is all around the wheel. What’s orange and melts?

-I would have to investigate that –she answered with a smile.

-Hey, guys –Nick walked into the room and looked at Grissom- Can I steal you for a minute?

-I thought this was your day off.

-We’re kind of busy here, Nick.

-Yeah, I know and I’m sorry, but I don’t think this can wait.

Grissom and Nick left together, Catherine joined them a few minutes later and neither of them returned. Obviously something had happened and sooner or later we would know. Meanwhile, Sara and I discovered that the piece that Grissom had found belonged to a snoozewell and we discovered which one was, so we called Brass to track the sales of the specific snoozewell. It didn’t take long for Brass to appear in the lab with one of his ironic one-liners.

-Don’t you love the smell of sulfur in the afternoon? –he asked leaning against the door frame- You might want to take a tour of Dominic Kretzker’s house.  I tracked down the sale of SnoozeWell clocks. 926 credit card purchases in the last three months in Clark County; 7 to Dominic Kretzker.

-This guy either has serious problems getting up early or he is the person we are looking for –I mumbled as I approached Brass- You comin’ Sara?

-No, I’m going to stay here and help Warrick with the “FP” initials.

We headed to Grissom’s office and once we informed him, we set out to visit our suspect. Brass told me how intense he was, but I didn’t check it until I saw that he was waiting for us on his porch. He had a police scanner and that’s how he knew we were coming.

-What can I do for you guys?

-Dominic.. this is the type of device that was used to set off the Hansen bomb –Grissom showed him a picture- We have proof that you purchased the same make of clock. Want to show us that clock of yours?

-Okey Dokey –he said with a welcoming smile- Come on in.

We walked into the room. Dominic walked over to the table where there was a file box filled with stuff on the floor. He put the box on the table and picked up the alarm clock. He gave it to Grissom.

-The timing device is still intact.

-Yeah, ‘cause I haven’t made the bomb yet.

-Look what I found, sulfur –Brass handed us the piece he found with globs of melted orange on it- Is this from the Hansen bomb?

-Sure is.

-You keep your key piece of evidence that could nail you? –I asked surprised.

-That’s sentimental. Historical. I collect souvenirs.. that’s my building, you know. I mean.. that was my place of employment –he started to get nervous- If I had anything to hide, I’d hide it.

-Well, maybe so but you’re under arrest.

Brass cuffed him and put him in the car.

-I can’t tell whether he’s brilliant or..nuts –Grissom said to me as we watched them get into the car.

-Yeah, me either but I’ll tell you one thing; I like him, he says “Okey Dokey”.

***

Back at the lab, Grissom and Brass interrogated Dominic, while I went to see Sara and Warrick, to check how they were doing with the initials. On my way, I was stopped by Catherine.

-Hey Laura, can I talk to you for a second?

-Yeah, sure –we stood to one side of the hallway to not block the way- Everything okay? Have you been able to talk to your daughter?

-Yes, Eddie finally picked up the phone. Lindsey has a ballet class in a few hours and she wants mom to take her so.. she’s not mad. Thanks for asking –Catherine gave me a warm smile- Look, a prostitute has been found dead by strangulation in her home and someone from the team was with her last night.

All my systems automatically thought of one person. Showing up at work on a day off and wanting to speak to Grissom urgently.. Warning signs. Just as quickly as I knew it was him, that quickly I was disappointed. Nick and I didn’t meet because he already had plans with a friend when he really had a date with a prostitute. He lied to me and that’s what hurt.

-Nick –I guessed and Catherine nodded as a confirmation.

-Ecklie, the day shift supervisor, is assigned to the case but they will pass it on to me. I wanted to talk to you because I may need help.

-Count me in, but why me? –Catherine didn’t answer, she just looked at me- Because I’m the rookie, right?

-We need everyone working the bomb case.. –She explained and then suddenly, she greeted someone with her hand and headed that way- Oh, hey, Conrad, Grissom’s at interrogation but I need to speak with you.. about Nick Stokes.

Ecklie seemed like he wanted to talk, but since he didn’t know me he looked askance at me indicating that he wasn’t going to talk if there was someone unknown there. I took the step and introduced myself.

-Let me guess, about his involvement with a dead hooker?

-Come one, the hooker was a person. Her name was Kristy Hopkins.

-I realize that, thank you but his prints were all over Kristy Hopkins’s house. Let’s see wine glass, bedside table, bed frame..

Ecklie was giving us a visual image when Nick appeared on the scene. He stopped as soon as he saw that we were talking with Ecklie. We exchanged a look and after taking a deep breath, he approached.

-Nick, I don’t think you guys should be talking –Catherine advised.

-It’s no big deal. What’s up, Ecklie?

-I need a DNA sample from you, Nick. We found a condom, used.

-I assume you’re trying to prove Kristy Hopkins and I were sexually active last night. My DNA will match, no warrant necessary. I have something else for you –Nick handed Ecklie a piece of paper with writing on it- A license plate number. Vehicle belongs to Jack Willman. Had a fight with Kristy outside the Orpheus last night around midnight.

-Well, I’ll look into it but come one.. your fingerprints, your DNA.. that’s what’s going into evidence. I don’t want to believe a CSI could commit murder. Hell, I don’t even want to believe that a CSI could sleep with a hooker.

-You know what? –Ecklie’s way of talking pissed me off, so I had to say something- Nick’s private life..

-Is no longer private –he interrupted me- I’m sorry if you guys don’t like where the evidence is pointing but show me otherwise. In the meantime, I have a protocol to follow.

-Look, I’m going to get O’Riley to track down this Jack guy for questioning, but I am out on a limb for you here, Nick –Catherine said, and then she and Ecklie left together.

Nick put his hands on his waist and turned to look at me. His gaze was saddened and concerned. Mine was hurt and pissed off.

-Can we talk? –he asked me as my phone rang.

-Gotta go –I read the urgent message from Brass- There’s been a second bomb.

***

We made a quick little briefing after visiting the second crime scene, because it was raining, we collected the most important things and returned. Sara discovered that the orange stuff was actually orange polyester from a jacket. I ran a search looking for disgruntled employees in The Hansen Building and I found Norman Stirling, a former manager. Warrick investigated the initials and found out that they were made by an electric etcher. The manufacturer said that this etcher was only used for training purposes and Las Vegas School District was the one who bought it and Stirling’s son goes there. Last by not least, the second bomb was not remote, so Dominic was ruled out as a suspect because he was in custody. Grissom let him free to go with an advice; “Next time try not to be quite so trusting. You don’t need to be a hero”.

While Brass was in charge of finding and bringing both the father and the son for interrogation, I received a message from Catherine telling me to meet her at the DNA Lab. When I arrived, she was already there.

-How you doing, Greg? –I greeted him.

-Worried about Nick –he answered me and then looked at Catherine- It’s not your case, much as I want to help, no can do.

-That’s my case for the next twelve hours. Ask the Sheriff.

-I would never doubt your word –Greg opened the freezer and took out the envelope. He removed the slide and put it under the microscope- Nick’s little soldiers, all yours.

-Thanks Greg –Catherine looked through the scope and indicated me to look too- When did you say this sample was frozen?

-10.15 AM, why?

-What do you see, Laura?

-These guys are all heads, no tails –I answered.

-Kristy’s time of death was 6.00 AM. It takes about seven hours for bacteria to eat away at the tails..

-.. Placing the time of ejaculation at 2.00 AM –I finished.

-It doesn’t disprove Nick’s presence at the time of the homicide.

-You could be a little more supportive –I told Greg and then realized something- Do we have the murder weapon?  

-No, we don’t –Catherine denied with her head- She was strangled. If Jack killed her, it had to be something of convenience. I’ll go to the crime scene and have a look around.

-Catherine –I stopped her and gain her attention- What happens if we don’t solve this in twelve hours?

-They are going to arrest Nick –She answered honestly- If Nick’s arrested, it’s not going to matter that he’s cleared later. It’s automatic dismissal.

***

Catherine left to find the murder weapon and with the bombs case we were waiting for the father and son, I took advantage of the break to make a coffee. I really needed the caffeine. I put the phone on the table and went to the coffee maker. I leaned against the table while I waited but then I heard someone enter the room and close the door. I knew exactly who it was.

-Can we talk now? –I didn’t ever bother turning around- I’d like to explain.

-You don’t owe me an explanation.

-I know, but I want to –he made a small pause- Look, I don’t want you to think that I lied to you because I didn’t.

-What do you want me to think then? –I poured the coffee and turned to look at him- Nick, the fact that you slept with a hooker and she appeared dead hours later.. I’m confused, because I was starting to know you and that doesn’t sound like the person I thought you were.

-I wasn’t her client and I’ve never used that kind of services.. –he breathed and gave a step closer- I knew Kristy because of this job, I helped her a couple times before and..

-Helped her? –I interrupted her- Nick, are you aware of what you’re saying?

-I know, you listen, please –he gave me puppy eyes and I couldn’t resist them even though I tried- What I told you yesterday was the truth, I met this friend of mine and we watched the game then, when we were leaving the place, I ran into her then I drove her home and.. well, you know what happened. We had this chemistry, you know?

-Yeah, I know.

I nodded slightly and kept my gaze steady to make him understand that my answer referred to what I had begun to feel for him. Luckily or not, I could tell that he understood, but I couldn’t read further.

-I’ve been wrong about a lot of people in my life and I’ve played their game, but that has helped me learn to know when someone is double-edged.. and you’re not –Nick raised his head and looked at me surprised- I never thought you killed her. I know you didn’t. You don’t have to worry about my thoughts of you, they haven’t changed. I doubted, yes but I still think you’re good person, not a killer.

I smiled at him and for a moment I could see relief in his eyes. Then I got up to leave, but when I was at the door, he spoke.

-Thank you, I really needed to hear that.

***

Catherine sent me a message saying that she had found the murder weapon. She compared the cord from the curtains with the markings found round Kristy’s neck and it was match. Now, all we needed to do was look for fingerprints or a piece of evidence that indicated that Nick didn’t kill her.

-Hey Cath, that was fast! –I met her at reception.

-Yeah, everything for Nicky –The clock from reception chimed, she looked around at the sound and checked it. She realized how late it was- Lindsey. The ballet class.

-Catherine, go. C’mon.

-I..I have to examine the murder weapon. Nick’s case is running out of time.

-I’ll do it right now, don’t worry –She looked again at the clock- Go.

-If you have any doubt, call me! –She said while she was leaving- I owe you one.

-No, you don’t!

I walked down the hallway with the evidence bag in my hand, ready to apply everything I had learned, when Grissom crossed my path.

-I was about to page you –he said- Norman Stirling and his son are at the interrogation room. I was wondering, since you’ve been with us for a few months, if you wanted to do your first interrogation.

Dilemma. Grissom had just offered me to conduct my first interrogation and I really felt prepared to do it but then I looked at the bag in my hands, and I couldn’t. Proving Nick’s innocence was more important than taking another step in my career. So, I had to refuse. Running against the clock, I looked for fingerprints on the cord, but there weren’t any. Then, I had an idea.

-Kristy Hopkins was strangled with this sash –I dropped the cord out onto the table in front of Greg- It’s fingerprint-free, but the force of the pull would have scratched off epithelials from the killer’s hands, right?

-Abraded, yeah.

-And you can extract DNA from epithelials?

-If they’re fresh enough- Greg took a swab from the cord and put the sample under the microscope- Epithelials are affirmative. I’m just going to need something to compare to.

-I read on the file case that Jack Willman has a prior for sexual assault, so his DNA is on file.

***

Nick was pacing the floor when I walked in the break room. When he saw me, he stopped and bit his lip. He was very nervous.

-Where’s Catherine?

-She had to leave, but don’t worry, I examined the murder weapon.

Nick nodded and tried to calm himself down. I was surprised.

-What? You’re not worried that the rookie examined the piece that can send you to jail? –I joked.

-No, I trust you.

Nick was playing with his hands and even though he was almost going to have a breakdown, those words came out naturally and calm. He was telling the truth. He trusted me and knowing that just made me grow my feelings for him.  

-Jack Willman killed her.

Nick sighed and smiled as he walked towards me to give me a hug.

-Thank you.

His arms around squeezed me a fraction tighter and we both breathed more slowly. His embrace was warm, and his big, strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around my body. The world around me melted away as I squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end.

-Hey.. I’m just doing my job.. Besides, if they’d send you to jail I wouldn’t have my promised dinner.

-Laura –Grissom’s head popped out- The kid confessed everything. He put another bomb at Summit High School, we are going now to deactivate it. Though you wanted to come.

-Right behind you –I nodded.

-By the way, about that dinner.. –Nick made a pause- Anytime.

I smiled at him and followed Grissom. When we arrived, Grissom stopped the car and we ran out with the other officers. The students were running out of the school. As the last of them leave, Dominic exited the building carrying the package. He had the bomb in his hands.

-Dominic, stop! –I yelled- Stop right there. Put it down!

-No, it’s all right –he smiled- Everyone’s safe.

-No, no, no –Grissom yelled back- Drop it. It’s active!

Suddenly, Dominic stopped smiling and from his face I could tell he heard the clock timer ticking. Dominic looked down at the package in his hands. As we watched, the bomb exploded and we were thrown back by the impact of the explosion. Grissom checked on me a few seconds later, when we were able to sat up. Dominic gave his life for the students. He was the hero he always wanted to be.

[roundtableknight]

Morning after ‘The Outsiders’

In which Reagan never interrupted that precious scene of Cath and Levi after they finished ‘The Outsiders’  before Levi had to screw everything up in the next chapter. This may be horrible, and I suck at Levi’s personality, because I’m not a bubbly person, and also some parts (like Wren talking in her sleep) I made up because not that much info is given to us, but enjoy!

Also this is starting from a scene in ‘Fangirl’, and all characters are of course from the lovely Rainbow Rowell!

                                                   ~

Cath had been in quite a few precarious positions waking up into during her short duration of life she had been allowed so far. You don’t get normal mornings living with a twin sister who tends to be so outgoing, she transfers that energy into her sleep.

    By talking in her sleep.

Or having a father, one who you so love but desperately wish would go to sleep rather than stay up during the night and question if one could put a fireman’s pole through you and your twins room in order for a quicker way to the bathroom. 

    All in the name of efficiency.

This was how it had been for too many years to count, since Cath’s mother walked out on them when they were merely eight, because she quote, ‘Needed to figure things out’ and didn’t know how to be a mother. Cath thought that was a load of rubbish. What mother has twins, surrounds them with love, (not as much as their father) and then just decides that she’s had enough when their in third grade, when they needed a motherly figure then more than ever to lean on.  

    Cath was still angry at her sister Wren for speaking to their mother again, but that isn’t why she woke up.

If you asked Cath, she would probably recall the last things before she went to bed that night in her shared dorm with Reagan would go along the lines of something like this;

    Brushing her teeth earlier that night, so not to disturb herself while writing.

    Eating a Blueberry bliss energy bar because she was hungry gosh darn it.

    Getting a decent amount of Baz and Simon fanfic written since they were getting to the good part (all the parts were good to Cath, but some were just a notch or two higher than others).

    Falling asleep writing said Baz and Simon fanfic because everyone knows a laptop keyboard is as comfortable as a pillow (well maybe a wooden one, or one with all those weird feathers in it that people slept on during the 1900s.)

    This routine to Cath was becoming as normal as waking up to Wren talking about her latest boyfriend that she getting ready to dump (Alex, or Alfred?) in her sleep. Not that anyone could take her sister’s place. Reagan was barely in the room to count as a roommate, and when she was asleep she was practically a rock, making no noise until she woke up, and then the dam broke (not a literal dam, though with how hard she opened their door, Cath wouldn’t be surprised to hear about one breaking down from the shockwaves).

    So the fact that she not only heard someone in their room, but that said person was currently encompassing her in their arm, she was a little more than surprised, and also to be completely honest, freaked out. 

    It’s okay, calm down, just...recite the facts of last night, then if they lead to something disastrous I have permission to freak out.

     Cath thought this was a good plan, since she usually freaked out in her head, and no one seemed to notice, well, except Wren, but she wasn’t here at the moment, and they weren’t on speaking terms since she didn’t come back for Thanksgiving, but instead staying the day with Wren’s backstabbing mom. Their mom in reality, but Cath didn’t like to think of her like that, she didn’t deserve the title of it. 

    She lost that when she never came back. 

Inhaling a scent different from her own, one of cigars and a hint of coffee, brought her back to reality, and resumed the pounding in her chest and tingling in her limbs from being caught up in someone else’s body parts during the night. 

    Oh god, thought Cath, trying to remember the night before. She had a hint of Gingerbread Mocha in the back of her mouth, and a Blueberry Bliss Energy Bar flavour on the tip of her tongue. 

    That can’t be right, I haven’t had one of those since before Thanksgiving, Levi ate them all. 

    Levi.

    Oh god.

Cath immediately remembers the late night session of ‘The Outsiders’ that Cath read to Levi as a thank you for… well, everything he’s done. And also because Reagan was out again partying, and forgot she promised Levi the study session so he wouldn’t fail his Lit. Class exam on the book. Cath thought maybe Levi was dyslexia, but didn’t they get diagnosed before the age of College? Cath didn’t know, and she did care, but two things popped into her mind before that strand of thought could harbor any more room in her mind. 

    Levi is in my bed.

    I’m sleeping with Reagan’s maybe boyfriend.

    Reagan could come home at any time,

    Shit.

Okay, make that three thoughts. 

    The last two were obvious encouragement to what she was supposed to do, which was to get out of the bed, her bed, and wake up Levi. Or maybe she could just leave him here and go get a coffee at Starbucks and come back feigning that nothing happened, because nothing did happen. 

     But there were two things wrong with that statement. 

One, Levi made the best Mochas and nothing would compete, so it would be an utter waste of money to spend. And two, something did happen. 

    We kissed.

Cath remembers it now. It’s funny how the human brain works. When we want don’t want to remember something incredibly painful or not possible, it tends to block out said memory, but one thing about memories were that they connected to other memories, and unless she wanted to forget the whole last night, she was stuck with the memory. 

But to be completely honest, Cath quite liked the memory.

Cath remembered the way Levi had hooked her to his side as she read ‘The Outsiders’ to him, and how her drowsy and impaired mind (she blamed it on the mocha) attached all her thoughts not to the book, which wasn’t half bad, but to the feel of Levi’s flannel against her skin, or the passing look of seeing his lips before she quickly looked up to see if he was still awake, which he was. 

    Watching her with his startling blue eyes. 

Now in the morning, Cath had to be reasonable with herself. Which she did sometimes, once or twice. 

    A day.

Look, he probably thought I was Reagan. Or remember that the first time he saw Wren he said with complete factuality that she was the hotter twin, and that was just by a passing glance. I’m just a quick kiss. Okay, yeah, quick. Kiss.

    But Cath realized she didn’t want to be a quick anything. She deserved way more than that. She wrote dozens of Baz and Simon scenes of their love, wasn’t it time for her to get something like that? A love that isn’t fictional and based on a wizard and (presumably) a  vampire. 

    Cath like the idea of sharing these stories with Levi. He seemed to enjoy them (at least tolerate them) and he always had his opinions and questions on them, which Cath actually liked to answer. It wasn’t everyday you met someone who hasn’t read Simon Snow (because watching the movies don’t count).

    But she also had to admit one fatal flaw in her plan, she hasn’t even asked Levi if he liked her the way she did, and also Reagan.

    Shit.

Cath heard the intake of breath, well, deeper breath, and felt Levi move. Now was the time. Was he going to slowly take his arm that he had encompassing her back and leave without so much as a glance, or was something else going to happen, something more magical. 

    Cath didn’t know what was going to be scarier. 

But what Cath didn’t think of was Levi kissing her on the top of her head, and pulling her closer to him.

    Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit

She was completely and utterly screwed. 

    Though at that moment she didn’t know exactly why. There was no menace to the name Reagan, or thought of impending doom if she missed her morning classes. No.

    All she could think of was the way he kissed her on the head, with that small but cute mouth of his, the one hours earlier she was questioning if he could easily eat an apple with. The one that caused her whole body to go flush and red just by that little move. 

    She felt more than saw (because her head was still by/on his chest persay, and couldn’t see him) him smile. The muscles coordinating it gave him away like a whale breaching the water for all to see, it was very obvious. 

    Cath looked up, and got a bruise on her forehead. 

    Holding her head, she reopened her eyes and saw Levi, looking a little less beaten and smiling quite a bit more than her, more than anyone really, at her as she felt around her skull for adjustments to her temple area. 

    “Ouch” Cath said, and mentally scolded herself.

‘The first thing I have to say after we slept together, well...not like that.’

    “Sorry, I didn’t know you were awake.” Levi said, putting his one hand on the bruising temple as Cath brought her hand back down. 

    “It’s fine, just if I was sleeping, why were you tilted downward, since I did not hit your chin. The area I hit was definitely smoother.”

    “Ah, so are you a chin expert as well as a Simon Snow lover?” Levi asked with a smile on his face, a continuing smile. 

    “Of course, one must be knowledgeable in all types of things.” Cath waved her arms vaguely around to show all the types of things. 

    Also, Cath wanted to point out that they were still laying together.

    On her bed. 

    Oh Shit?

“So are their any other area of the body that you and that brain have been studying?” Levi shifted, but still kept one arm under her around the waist while the other was free, watching her contemplate the question. 

    She had, and the answer didn’t need verbal response. She turned red. Again. 

“I’m going to deny all wrongdoing to the court.” Cath mumbled and she shielded her face from Levi, instead putting it against her pillow, but he had already seen her face, and had started to giggle, giggle and not chuckle. 

    Cath felt him stretch again and reach for his phone. 

“Oh.”

“What?” Cath said, a little more nervous than she was before. Not knowing what Levi had seen on his phone. Had Reagan walked in on them and saw the precarious position they were in, and had left fuming and given a threat to Levi that whatever they had was over, done with?

    Cath also realized that she picked a good major to go into, since it seemed she was always so dramatic.

    “I’m an hour late to work, I better go before the customers start to get angry that no one knows their order.” Levi untangled their limbs (which caused Cath to finally be able to feel hers again) and rose from the bed. Grabbing the empty Starbucks cups, he maneuvered between her and Reagan’s bed (Cath had a conspiracy that their room was just a walk in closet converted over to a dorm room, but that’s for a different discussion) and brought them over to the trash by the door to be thrown out. 

    Cath really didn’t know what to do in a position like this. Did she start to say goodbye to him? Tell him that she had a nice time reading (and the things that came with it)? She didn’t know, but what she did know was that he was opening the door to leave, and they barely had a civil conversation, and that was only about various studying of body parts. 

    Wait, reading!

“Levi, you forgot your book!” Cath said as she starts to fumble around the bedsheets, and finally produces the same copy (albeit a little dented) of ‘The Outsiders’ that she read him the night before. 

    “You might need this to study from for the exam.” Cath got up, saw her shirt was riding up a little too high, and fixed it. She continued her trek to Levi when he held up a hand for her to stop. 

    “I don’t need it.” He said, smiling at her again like she just said something funny.

 Did I say something funny? Did I look funny fixing my shirt?

     “Well, I might be a good reader, but even I can’t remember everything in this book, and we just read it last night.” Cath was really grasping for straws here, or needles, but straws hurt less. She started to recite what she had done ever since she woke up, and didn’t find any (too) mortifying as why Levi stopped her going to him.  

    Why doesn’t he want his book?

Would it bring back painful memories of last night, of them together. Him (maybe?) cheating on Reagan with her, but they just kissed. And tangled limbs. Did he not like her, and given her that kiss in the head as a friendly gesture, but then why did he watch her sleep?

    Sometimes boys are so confusing. 

“I don’t need it.” Levi says, sounding like he’s been saying this for awhile but Cath hadn’t heard him at all.

    “Why not?” She questioned, she wanted to get to the bottom of this before heading off to her classes, so her head wouldn’t be stuck in the clouds (well any more stuck than usual).

    “Because I’m going to work and I don’t think my coworkers will want me to be reciting ‘Stay Golden, Ponyboy’ to them.” He looked at her however like that would be a fun endeavour, and told herself to warn Levi’s coworkers about him and classic novels. 

    “So what do you want me to do with it.”

    “Keep it”

    “Really, why?” She figured this was the question to get the answer they had both been swimming around for the last two pages, oops, last two minutes. 

    “Because then I have a reason to come see you again, not that I need a reason.” 

Cath starts to speak out of habit from this conversation, then realizes what he means, and starts to go red for the third time that morning. Cath think she broke her record. 

    “Oh, Okay.” Cath looked down at her socks that she left on from the night before (with ‘Carry On, Simon’ on the tops of them. A gift from Wren for her birthday one year).

    She realized Levi had said something. Again. And that she had missed it. Again. 

“What did you say?” She asked as he was about to shut the door, about to end the conversation, one of her favorites to date. 

    “I said six o’clock I’ll be done at work.” Levi said, moving his blond hair back from where it fell in front of his face to look at her. A face full of cute eyes and lips. Oh boy. 

“Great” Cath replied.

“Oh, and also expect the best Gingerbread Mocha to date.” He said, and shut the door, but not before seeing his smile, and heard him walking down the hallway. 

“Even better.” Cath replied to no one in particular, but maybe to the Baz cutout that was currently peeking out from her closet area. 

    ~

And that’s all she wrote folks!

 -Also are Simon Snow Socks available? Because I need so badly!! I also figured out that writing scenes in a characters mind is my favorite, because the two talking isn’t my cup of tea!

[blogmaria333ph]

Slight Differences, A few Changes

Chapter 2: Meetings

Merlin…

Merlin woke with a start, relaxing only because of Catheryn. She was curled up to his chest and seemed to be sleeping peacefully, a rare occurrence for both of them. He smiled at his surrogate sister, gently combing his fingers through her shoulder length hair.

Merlin…

He must still be half asleep, since the voice hadn’t stopped calling his name yet. He gently nudged Catheryn, not wanting to be late for his new, if unofficial, job as Gaius’ apprentice. “Cath. We need to get ready for the day.” he whispered, knowing that neither of them would be alright if they separated.

“Hmm…?” Catheryn yawned, looking much like a cat. “Good morning…” she greeted sleepily, rubbing her eyes while trying to stretch her back.

Merlin…

“Do you hear that?” he asked her as they both got out of bed. Catheryn looked at him in question, head tilted to the right. Her face was scrunched up in a frown as she concentrated. “I can sense at least two other magical beings in the castle…” she told him after a moment, before backtracking. “Make that three others, aside from us, though I sense no ill will from any of them.”

Merlin…

“Let’s investigate later.” Merlin opened the door before gesturing for her to go out. “After you.” he said with a hint of teasing. Catheryn huffed, arms crossed over her chest. “Not a lady…” she grumbled before going ahead. He followed after her, chuckling lightly at her attitude.

“Ah, good. You’re both up.” Gaius was brewing a batch of potions in the corner of his chambers. “Just a minute, I have deliveries I need you to make.” he said as he placed herbs into the pot. “That’s fine.” Merlin spoke at the same time Catheryn said, “Could we have breakfast?”

“Of course. There’s porridge on the table over there and two sets of bowls and utensils. I also got you water for bathing.”

Merlin and Catheryn easily fell into a routine, where Catheryn added more porridge to Merlin’s bowl before they began to eat. “Hunith and Will would both be devastated if you didn’t eat right, Merlin.” she told him when he gave her a seemingly resigned look. “I would have gotten more later, Cath.”

“You and I both know you wouldn’t have.”

Gaius observed their interaction with a raised brow, contemplating what could have lead to his dear old friend taking the young girl in. Once the two were finished eating and bathing, Gaius gave them their list of deliveries. “Here, there’s Hollyhock and Feverfew for Lady Anne.” Catheryn took the two bottles and placed them in a sack. “And this is for Sir Olwin. He's as blind as a weevil, so warn him not to take it all at once.”

Merlin nodded as he took the potion from the physician. “Where exactly are they, at this hour?” he asked, not wanting to get himself and Catheryn lost in the citadel. Gaius informed them of the areas (and told them in a quiet tone to “... lay low and avoid being noticed…”)

→ Training Grounds ←

They were making their way back to the castle for lunch when they heard a rather arrogant voice ask, “Where's the target?”

Catheryn gave Merlin a look. “I’ll be with you. I know how you are about these kinds of people.” she said before taking Merlin’s hand in hers. They continued walking and tried to ignore the scene in the training area. They could hear the knights laughing for whatever reason before they heard someone say, “I'll put the target on the other end, shall I, my lord?”

“Teach him a lesson. Go on.” One of the knights suggested, not even attempting to smother his amusement. Merlin took a deep breath before turning to see what was going on, exactly. “This will teach him.” a blond haired knight said, readying himself to throw a knife. The knife flew from his hand and hit the shield, thankfully, and not the young man holding it up. “Hey, now! That’s dangerous, my friend!” Merlin announced, Catheryn staying far enough away to not get hurt but close enough to assist if need be.

The blond knight turned to face him, blue eyes regarding Merlin’s stature. “Do I know you?” he asked, arrogant and very, very annoying in Merlin’s opinion. “I’m Merlin. Who are you to treat him like that?” his eyes met the knight’s own and he refused to back down. “You do not know me?” the knight had a look of surprise on his face. “A prattish arse?” the blond made a sound of annoyance. “I could have you thrown in the dungeons for that!”

“Why? Are you the king?” Merlin asked in a mocking tone. “No. I’m his son. Prince Arthur.” Catheryn could not handle it anymore and decided to intervene. “Prince or not, at the end of the day, we are all people.” Merlin spoke slowly, as if he were speaking with a child. “Merlin, we need to head back to Gaius’ study.” Catheryn said as she stepped over to them.

“Hah! Tell Gaius that your... friend here will be in the dungeons for a while.” Catheryn gave the man a long, cold stare. It was rather unnerving, if Arthur were honest. “My brother and I don’t really agree with your ways. Just because you are more experienced in battle compared to us, you believe you have all the right to hurt us…” Catheryn became quiet at for a moment before pulling her brother away. “We have to go see a our new acquaintance, remember?”

Arthur was shocked, so much so that he could only watch as the two strangers disappeared into the castle.

→ Hallways ←

“I was very annoyed at him, too!” Catheryn huffed as she walked with Merlin. “Just because he is in a high position, he thinks he’s immortal or untouchable! The nerve!” She stops speaking only when Merlin’s strides came to a stop. “Merlin?” her voice held concern for her brother. “Nevermind. It’s nothing.” he said, faintly smiling at her. “Let’s go meet our caller, shall we?” Catheryn nodded at his words, though she frowned at how he disregarded his own worries and problems… Just as always…

They walked in relative silence after that. Until they reached the dungeons, of course.

“Cold cells?” Merlin asked, not sure whether to be amused or worried. “They think cold dungeon cells will keep magic users from escaping?” he shook his head, exasperated. “You’d think they would know by now that they need magic restraining objects to keep escapes from happening…” Catheryn nodded at the observation. “Maybe there are more cells further in?” she asked before Merlin pulled her arm, holding her against the wall. “There are guards over there. They seem tired, but they would notice us if we continue on.”

“I’ve got it.” She reassured him before her blue eyes turned gold. “Slǽpan.” The guards promptly fell asleep, slumping into their chairs. “See, all good. We won’t get caught or hurt as long as we have each other’s back.” Merlin gave her an appreciative look before they walked to what appeared to be the entrance of a cavern. Catheryn walked in first. “I truly hope we won’t get into trouble, here…” Merlin whispered mostly to himself before walking after his sister.

“Who are you and why have you been calling Merlin?” she all but shouted to the empty cave. “Catheryn! Don’t try to enrage a magical being! We don’t even know what we could be facing up against…” Merlin was startled as he heard what could only be wings flapping. It wasn’t long before a large dragon landed before the pair, golden eyes studying them both. “Ah, young warlock. How small you are for such a great destiny.” the dragon then looked imploringly at Catheryn. “Hmm… How peculiar that you are here.” he said, sounding shocked.

(At least, Merlin thinks he was shocked. He has no experience with dragons, though, so he could not be entirely sure.)

“I won’t let those visions come true.” She spoke as though she was warning the dragon. “Wait, are you speaking of the prophecy?” Merlin asked, confused as to why the blond girl was seemingly annoyed with the dragon. “Yes.” she answered, glaring at the dragon like she expected it to agree. “It seems I do not need to tell you of your destiny, young warlock.” the dragon breathed out a puff of smoke. “I shall simply tell you this. None of us can choose our destiny, Merlin, and none of us can escape it.”

Catheryn scowled at the beast. “That is true, but the future is split in two paths. We will never let one of the two happen.” she said with such determination. “Whatever path you take, the end result shall be the same.” The dragon spoke with such authority that Merlin worried about Catheryn’s reactions. “The future you see is different from the one I see.” She told the dragon before taking Merlin’s hand in her own. “You know which one of us has a better Sight, dragon. Don’t ever forget who I am.”

The dragon roared as the they made their way out of the cavern.

→ Prince’s Chambers ←

The royal chambers were, naturally, spacious. There was a bed large enough for three or four full grown men. It was placed at the center of the room. To its left was a large window overlooking the courtyard below, where peasants and noblemen alike were milling about. Opposite the window were the doors. The bed face the right hand side of the room, where a study desk could be found. Prince Arthur sat behind the desk, looking pensive and confused.

“I’m Merlin. Who are you to treat him like that?”

“Prince or not, at the end of the day, we are all people.”

He sighed, not knowing why he even bothered with those words. “I am the prince. I have no reason at all to heed the words of a peasant…!” he told himself before taking a deep breath. “Morris!” He called, satisfied that the servant entered his chambers not even five seconds later. “The feast won’t begin until the Lady Helen arrives, Sire.” the man had bowed upon entry and had yet to rise. “I am aware of that. I wish to hunt for a while.”

→ Hallways ←

It did not take long for Arthur to be prepared for his impromptu hunting. He sighed once more before leaving his chambers. On his way to the stables, he saw the two peasants from earlier exit the dungeons. Before they could notice him, he hid around the corner of the hallway, listening intently.

“That beast has no idea what he speaks of.” the girl spoke with a huff. “Well, maybe if you two just talk it out, you wouldn’t fight with each other?” the boy, Merlin as he recalled, had an amused air about him.

Arthur frowned at the idea of a beast living in the castle.

“Yes, well. If he learned to appreciate my talents, then perhaps we could get along in the future.”

Arthur suddenly felt quite silly. Perhaps they were talking of a possible suitor for the girl, though she looks no older than fourteen. Likely, even, that she was younger than fourteen.

“Well, next time, you could ask him for flowers and sunshine!” Merlin’s voice was full amusement and laughter. “Merlin! I’m not a lady!” she retaliated. “And even if you were a delicate lady, you would not even toy with the idea of pestering him for flowers?”

Arthur shook his head before continuing on his way, berating himself for listening for so long.

“Would you believe that he and I are supposed to be friends at the very least!?” the girl’s shout was loud enough to be heard across the hallway and Arthur found himself pitying whoever thought they could court her.

→ Court Room ←

Arthur never did get to hunt. For on his way to the woods, Lady Helen entered the gates of Camelot.

It was late afternoon when Lady Helen was welcomed by the royal family, including the King’s ward. “Lady Helen.” King Uther held her hand as a form of greeting.”Welcome to Camelot.” He told her before releasing her hand. “I am honored to be performing in this lovely city.” She said with a smile. “The honor is ours.” The king gave Morgana a pointed look when her smile seemed to waver.

Morgana scowled once Lady Helen had gone to her guest chambers. Her dark skinned maidservant had simply placed a hand on her shoulder to get the fair skinned lady to calm down, even for a little. “Shall we get you dressed for the feast, My Lady?”

“Yes. Thank you, Gwen.”

Arthur watched their exchange, feeling that familiar tinge of jealousy at seeing how deep and true their bond was. Gwen seemed to know exactly what Morgana needed and how to give it to her with no problem. Morgana was fiercely protective of her, as well. The two were so close, Morgana claimed they were best friends. Arthur wished he could find someone like that for himself. A true friend, at least, for he knew whenever he married, it would be for politics and not for love.

If only I could leave this part of my life and have someone who sees me as myself.... He thought as he he made his way to the training grounds. If I can not vent while hunting, I should at least be able to work these feelings out of my system through sparring.

→Physician's Chambers←

"Ah, Merlin. Catheryn. Just in time." Gaius told them as they entered. "I need you to deliver this to Lady Helen." He handed a vial of clear liquid to Merlin. "What is it?" Catheryn asked, studying the vial. "It's a tonic for the throat. To help prepare her for her performance." Merlin pocketed the vial before turning around to leave. "Oh, Catheryn. I need some assistance brewing these potions." Merlin froze up. "Go, Merlin. We're in the castle. No one will hurt either of us here." Catheryn gently nudged him out the door.

"I'll be quick. I promise." Merlin gave her a meaningful look as he spoke before hurrying on his way.

"Alright. You may ask me any questions, now." arms crossed over her chest, Catheryn gave Gaius a scathing look. The old physician was startled for a few seconds before he regained his bearing. "Yes, well. How do you and Merlin know each other?" he asked, returning to his potions. "And before anything else, I truly do need assistance." Catheryn raised a brow, though Gaius could not see her expression, as he was turned away from her. "Pass me the pestle while you begin your story."

Catheryn took the pestle from the table to her left and held it to Gaius. "It's not a happy story." She said before recounting the events in a hard, cold manner, like she was simply an overseer of the whole story of their meeting. By the time she finished with the tale, Merlin had returned. He had a frightened look on his face and his skin was paler than usual. Catheryn promptly tended to him. "Is something wrong? What happened?" she asked him.

"I saw... Spell book... Not her... Reflection..."

Catheryn's eyes narrowed and Gaius gasped as Merlin explained.

[winterisakillerwrites]

Get Better - Chapter Ten

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 10/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do.

Previous

CHAPTER TEN

Allie clung to her uncle’s hand, babbling excitedly, as they made their way through the park and back towards the house. Laughing, Tom did his best to follow the girl’s rambling but found it to be of little effect; not that he really needed to do anything save smile and nod along. But still, he tried. Bobby tugged at his lead as they passed the busy park gate, forcing Tom to keep a tighter grip lest the furry beast make another escape attempt.

“Not on your life, dog,” he rebuked sharply. Bobby let out a soft yip of protest but quickly fell into line.

“Bobby bad!” Allie shouted, giggling and pointing at the spaniel who let out a small whimper.

Tom chuckled and shook his head. Out of the mouths of babes.

More than a few people had stopped at watched the party as they passed. Allie noticed and waved happily at them. A few waved back and whispered amongst themselves when Tom turned and caught their gaze. It was strange still, the attention. Even after years of it, Tom still found himself a little taken aback.

It didn’t bother him over much, as long as people were respectful (and usually they were). But the impact it had on those around him…Allie was young enough to think that her Uncle Tommy just had lots of friends. And had responded accordingly, with smiles and waves of her own. His eldest niece, Cora though…She had been there when things had been at their most chaotic (and there were sadly multiple pictures to prove it) and he’d known Sarah hadn’t been thrilled about any of what had happened. It was one thing to drag himself through the mess, she’d told him disapproval etched clearly across her features, and quite another to involve others who had little to no say in the matter. And she’d been right. He hadn’t been thinking in those few chaotic months. He’d just thrown himself in headfirst and hadn’t bothered to consider the consequences until far, far too late.

Tom clung tighter to the young girl’s hand and quickened his pace. He kept his attention on the path ahead of them. If Allie had noticed the change in her uncle’s behavior, she made no comment on it, simply skipping along beside him, hand still tightly clasped in his. It took another five minutes before they were safely through the gate and Tom was unlocking the front door. He pushed it open and ushered both spaniel and niece inside. Bobby barked and hopped around excitedly (much to Allie’s delight) as Tom freed him from the leash and harness and took off like a shot down the hallway. Allie squealed (a frightening amount of noise from someone so small, Tom noted with a wince) and took off after the spaniel shouting “Bobby! Bobby!” at the top of her voice, her coat laying in a pile on the floor behind her.

Tom shook his head and shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it, Allie’s small coat (which he’d grabbed and shaken out), and the harness on the hall tree. He padded towards the living room, finding Bobby curled up on his bed and Allie lying beside him, head on his stomach. He quickly pulled out his mobile and snapped a photo, texting it without comment to Emma. The answering series of heart-eyed emoticons he received in reply made Tom chuckle aloud.

Allie sat up, looking at her uncle quizzically. “What funny?”

“Your mum. She thinks the picture I sent her of you and Bobby is adorable and has told me so quite enthusiastically.”

“Picture?” Allie’s eyes lit up. “Show me! Show me! Show me!” She leapt up off the floor and charged at Tom, arms outstretched and reaching towards the mobile in his hand. Tom laughed and knelt on the ground besides her turning the mobile so she could see the message between himself and mother, and scrolled quickly up to the picture he’d sent. Allie giggled in delight. “Allie pretty!”

Tom nodded, kissing her on the top of her head. “Yes, my darling Allie is very pretty indeed. And smart and funny. And my favorite youngest niece ever.”

She beamed at him and wrapped him in a tight, enthusiastic hug. “Bestest Uncle Tommy ever!” She boldly declared and Tom’s answering smile made her giggle all the more.

With a grin of his own, Tom scooped Allie up into his arm, delighting in her squeals, and dropped her bodily onto the couch. Ignoring her cries of protest, Tom initiated a tickle attack and both were soon laughing and shouting at the top of their lungs. Bobby, thoroughly bewildered by his owner’s departure from sanity seemed to decide that if you can’t beat them, join them and threw himself bodily into the fray; barking and licking both Tom and Allie with unbridled excitement.

The scene lasted until Tom, out of breath and clearly knowing when he was beat, called for a cease fire. Allie pouted but was quickly won back over with the promise of watching her favorite program on TV. With Allie firmly enraptured on the couch, Tom climbed to his feet and wrangled the bright-eyed spaniel back onto his bed. He ducked into the kitchen grabbing himself a bottle of water and Allie a glass of juice which she greedily drank down.

At three o’clock on the dot the familiar buzz of his front gate echoed from the main hall. Tom pushed himself up from the couch and padded towards the control panel. Emma’s smiling face greeted him from the gate’s camera feed. “Ah, you’ve finally returned I see.” Tom joked, hitting the button that opened the gate.

Emma shook her head and laughed. “Yes, Sir Whine-A-Lot, I’ve come to claim my daughter from your unsavory clutches. Be up in a moment.”

The doorbell sounded shortly thereafter and Emma stood beaming up at her older brother. “So I see you’re still in one piece.”

“I am capable of minding children, Em. I didn’t even break her this time.” He wriggled his eyebrows and laughed heartily at his sister’s answering glare.

“Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” Allie sprinted around the corner and threw herself at her mother’s feet, clinging tightly to her. “Missed you!”

Emma laughed, bending down to give her daughter a quick once over and kiss her on the head. “She seems to be in full working order. Thank you for not maiming my baby this time brother dear.”

Tom groaned good-naturedly. “How many times do I have to tell you that was freak accident? And she was fine…”

“You however,” Emma chimed in, chuckling, “Were an absolute mess. God, I wish I had recorded it. I would have made a mint selling it online.”

Tom narrowed his eyes. “And Luke would have murdered you…Right after I was done with you.”

Emma scoffed. “Neither of you scare me, Tom. You forget I’ve known you all my life.”

Tom narrowed his eyes a fraction more, his lips trembling with suppressed laughter, all but giving the game away. “Don’t you need to be off home?”

“Aww is big bad Tommy upset that his little sister knows how much of a softy he really is?”

“I am perfectly comfortable with my ‘softness’ as you seem determined to call it.” Tom retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest which only made Emma laugh harder.

Allie pulled back from her mother’s legs and looked up at both adults. “Can we stay?”

“No, honey,” Emma started, sighing as the light started to dim in her daughter’s eyes. “Gran is coming to our house to stay with you tonight while mummy and daddy go out for a little bit. We need to get you home and ready.”

Allie frowned slightly and looked up at Tom, her eyes pleading with him to give in.

He smiled down at her. “I know you want to stay, darling girl. But you do have to go home with mummy. You mustn’t keep your Gran waiting. I know she’s quite excited to spend time with you. And besides all that, Uncle Tommy needs to get ready for work now.”

The young girl’s eyes immediately lit up. “You see Princess?”

Tom let out a soft laugh at the confusion in his sister’s eyes. “Maybe. Now come here and give me a hug.” Allie stood obediently and wrapped her arms around Tom, who had knelt before her. He kissed her cheek and stood. “Now be good for your Gran. She’s been through enough just raising your mum.”

Emma scoffed and hit Tom on the shoulder causing him to let out an involuntary yelp that quickly morphed into helpless laughter as he rubbed his arm. She narrowed her eyes at him and, with hands on her hips, snapped. “Thomas William!”

He only laughed harder, tears welling in his eyes. “Sorry, Em,” he coughed out between bouts of laughter. “But that only holds power when mum does it.”

Emma merely groaned and bent to pick up her offspring. “You are ridiculous, Tom. Completely and utterly ridiculous…And mum always liked me best.”

Tom clapped a hand to his heart, a frown quickly spreading across his face. “Fair lady, you wound me.”

“Save the theatrics for the stage, Shakespeare.” She adjusted her hold on Allie who was watching the interplay between mother and uncle with rapt attention. Outside the loud honk of a horn echoed. “Alright, that is our ride sweetheart. Say bye bye to Uncle Tommy.”

Reluctantly Allie did so and with the echo of another honk behind them, mother and daughter headed out into the late afternoon sun. Tom shook his head, waving as they climbed into the waiting taxi and shut the door.  

He turned to find Bobby sitting in the doorway of the living room watching him with a cocked head. “Yes your friend had to go. You’ll see her again soon enough you ridiculous mutt.” He reached down and scratched the spaniel between the ears. He glanced at his watch, sighed, and took the steps up towards his room two at a time. He still needed to shower and change and make sure Bobby was settled before heading out. The theatre, as they always say, waits for no man.

                                                           —

Tom smiled as he joined hands with Zawe, Charlie, and Eddie as they looked out over the crowd and took their final bow. His smile brightened as the cheering and applause grew in volume. He let himself bask in the response from the audience. There was honestly nothing quite like the sheer rush he got from performing in front of a crowd, seeing their responses, feeling their energy. And while he enjoyed television and film work, there was nothing quite like the response one got from the stage. It was exhilarating and Tom knew he would not tire of it any time soon.

The night’s show, overall, had gone rather well; though Charlie had taken great pleasure in trying to make Tom crack during the restaurant scene. He nearly succeeded when a piece of melon flew off of Tom’s fork and into the front row. It had taken everything Tom had to hold his composure as Charlie’s eyes bugged nearly out of his head as the melon soared through the air. He covered with a large sip of his ‘wine’ and thankfully they made it through the scene with minimal damage. They’d both recovered well and the rest of the show had gone off, thankfully, without a hitch. He sighed, thinking how easily it all could have gone to pot; such was the way of theatre.

He’d caught Cath’s eye as he made his way off stage and towards the stairs leading to the dressing rooms. She smiled brightly at him before turning her attention back to Lorna. The two women appeared to be caught in a rather fraught conversation and Tom caught Lorna’s gaze flicking at him several times. It was strange and he couldn’t help feeling there was something happening that he was not privy to.

Shaking it off, Tom continued his climb and once in the dressing room headed quickly towards the curtain which housed his street clothes. Methodically, he began to process of shedding Robert and climbing back into his own skin. It was such a necessary part of his overall process, physically removing the parts of each character he embodied and taking back himself. He wouldn’t have been able to explain it had he tried and he had, several times, to family and friends who were not ‘in the business’ as it were.

From his hidden space behind the curtain, he could hear voices echoing up the stairs. Cath and Lorna followed shortly thereafter by Charlie and Zawe. Pulling his jumper over his head, Tom pulled the curtain back and headed towards Cath’s station to remove his stage make-up. Cath was waiting, something in her eyes he couldn’t quite read. They cleared and brightened as he approached which helped to ease the knot which had formed in his gut. He didn’t let himself think on the hows and whys of it, simply allowed her to lead him into the chair and begin to wipe his face clean. Her touch was light, gentle, and he found himself leaning into her hand as it rested on the side of his face.

“Another good night,” Cath started as she brushed a strand of hair from her face before tossing the used wipe in the trash and reaching for another. “No major mishaps from what I could see…Save the melon you generously donated to someone in the audience.”

Tom felt his face flush. “Well it was bound to happen sooner rather than later.”

Cath snorted, “Yes. Especially with the way you flail about.”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t taken my eye out yet,” Charlie’s voice chimed in from across the room. “Man is an absolute menace. I’m surprised the theatre’s got enough insurance to cover him.”

“Very funny.”

He turned his head and saw Charlie grinning widely at him. “Well I certainly think so.”

“Of course you do, Cox.”

Cath’s hand tightened on his chin, forcing him to turn back around to face her. “As much as I love watching you two old hens bicker, if you’d like me to get the rest of this lot off your face in a timely manner then I need to see said face.” Tom had the decency to look contrite as he settled further into the chair and let her finish her task. “Now was that so difficult?”

Tom rolled his eyes, smiling at her. “You have no idea.”

“Children,” Cath retorted, pushing at his back. “The lot of you.” Laughter echoed through the room. “Alright, you are good to go. Now scram. Go meet your viewing public.” Good natured grumbles carried the three actors out of the room and down the stairs towards the stage door and the waiting line of theatre-goers.

                                                       —

“Tom, you were wonderful!” Emma gushed, pulling her older brother into a tight hug as he walked into the backstage greeting room. He’d shed his coat upon re-entering the building (stage door had been its usual bustling self though the weather had taken a much colder turn since the late afternoon) and was grateful for his own forethought. The room itself was quite warm and he had no doubt he would have sweated half to death had he left it on. “You blew me away. Honestly.”

A broad smile spread across Tom’s face as he returned his sister’s embrace. “Thank you.” He pulled back and smiled at Jack who stood a few paces back, bottle of water in hand. “I’m glad you both could come.”

“Like we’d miss this,” Emma chuckled, nodding back at her husband. “It’s been far too long since we’ve had a grown up night out.”  

Jack nodded in agreement. “Too true.”

“So,” Emma started turning her attention back towards Tom, amusement clear in her eyes. “Allie would not stop talking about the ‘pretty princess in the park’ all the way home this afternoon. Who’s the pretty princess, Thomas?”

A groan slipped past his lips and he shook his head. “The head make-up artist from the show, Cath. We ran into her after Bobby, being the wonderful and obedient creature he is, took off on us at the park. Luckily, she found and brought him back. You know Allie and her princesses. She got it in her head that Cath was a princess and Cath was thankfully wonderful about it.”

“Oh was she?” He did not like the look in his sister’s eyes at all and shot a quick glance at his brother-in-law for support. Jack merely shrugged and left Tom to the mercy of his sister. “Is she still here? I’d love to meet the woman who’s completely captivated my daughter.”

Tom rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Everything in him was screaming that granting his sister’s request would only end in disaster. But before he could think of a polite way to turn her down, he caught the sound of Cath’s warm voice echoing from across the room. His eyes automatically sought her out, smiling at the way she laughed with Zawe and Lorna, her face alight as she listened to whatever story Zawe appeared to be telling.

“Oh ho, would that be the famous Cath over there then?”

He turned back to find his sister grinning knowingly at him with a spark in her eye that he simply did not trust. “Emma…”

“Don’t ‘Emma’ me Thomas,” she started. “I just want to meet the woman Allie won’t stop raving about. That’s not too great a request.”

This was not an argument he could win and Tom bloody well knew it. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. “Em, she’s clearly busy…”

“It will take all of five minutes,” Emma countered before hurrying off across the room. Tom cursed under his breath and chased after her. His little sister on a mission could be a terribly frightening thing.

“Emma!”

But it was too late, Emma had come to a stop in front of Zawe and Cath hand outstretched and smiling brightly.

                                                         —

Cath shook her head, laughter spilling from her as Zawe launched into the story of the odd encounter she’d had wandering around the city earlier that day; her hands gesticulating wildly as she described the way the woman had stormed out of the shop leaving a stream of confused and angry patrons in her wake. Had it been anyone else, Cath wouldn’t have believed it. Only Zawe would manage to stumble into such an absurd situation.

Out of the corner of her eye she watched Tom chatting with a shorter, strawberry blonde woman; his sister she guessed as he’d mentioned her coming to the show tonight. She found herself watching them interact despite her best efforts to keep her attention on Zawe.

“Earth to Cath. Are you even listening to me?”

Cath blinked, her eyes snapping back to the actress’ amused face. “I’m sorry, what?”

Both Zawe and Lorna shared an amused look before breaking into a fresh wave of laughter.

“Could you be any more obvious?” Lorna snorted. “I mean seriously.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cath felt the color rising in her cheeks and knew there was no way she could hide it. “I’m just tired.”

“Tired?” Zawe smirked. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“It’s nothing but me being ridiculous. Can we drop it, please?”

Lorna quirked an eyebrow. “It’s not ridiculous if it’s a mutual thing. And boy has been watching you…”

Zawe laughed and clapped her hands. “Oh yes he has.”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Cath sighed. Both women shook their heads. “Of course not.”

“Just because you are in denial doesn’t mean that it’s not true?” Lorna started.

“It’s not like that, and you both know it. We are friends. He’s a great guy but it doesn’t go beyond that. It couldn’t not without being a huge mess.”

“And why ever not?” Zawe asked incredulously.

Beside her Lorna sighed. “I’ve tried that route. Little Miss Stubborn over here won’t budge.”

“I’m not stubborn,” Cath retorted. “I’m just being realistic.”

“Realistic about what?” Zawe countered. “If you were being realistic you would be able to accept that Tom…”

A movement in the periphery of her vision caught Cath’s attention. She turned in time to find Tom’s sister moving with purpose across the room towards her, an exasperated Tom close on her heels. Cath blinked in confusion.

“Hello, I’m Emma,” the woman started, extending her hand towards Cath. “This one here is my dork of an older brother.”

“Cath.” She took the proffered hand and shook it firmly. “Pleasure to meet you.”

Behind his sister Tom mouthed, “I am so sorry.”

Cath couldn’t help the smile that spread slowly across her face. She knew all too well about overeager siblings and found herself wondering just what Emma had up her sleeve.

“…wouldn’t stop talking about you. Clearly you’ve made quite the impression.” Emma shook her head, laughing. “Allie’s quite taken with you.”

Everything clicked into place. With the way Allie must have talked it was no wonder the woman had seemed so eager to get to meet her. “You’re Allie’s mum! Oh bless, she is an absolute sweetheart! I quite enjoyed getting to know her. I do apologize if I got her all riled up. She was just so enthusiastic I couldn’t help playing along.”

“It’s no problem. She’s usually a complete chatterbox after spending any sort of time with this oaf.” She reached back and thumped Tom in the chest. “It’s like they feed off one another. Can’t get a word in edgewise.”

Tom grumbled and rubbed his chest. “I’m fairly confident she got the motor mouth from you. I just have had years of practice managing it.”

Emma rolled her eyes and smiled at the women standing before her. “You lot must be saints putting up with him.”

Zawe snorted a laugh. “He certainly makes the job interesting. Cath here’s the real saint. She’s the one that has to take that face and make it into something people actually want to look at.”

“Hey,” Tom cried. “I am right here, you know. I can hear you.”

“And we’re all thrilled you’ve not lost your hearing in your advanced age.” There was gleam in Emma’s eyes as she teased her brother, one Cath recognized all too well. She found herself heartened by the fact he was close with his family. True, he had spoken of them to her and to most of the cast and crew often enough, but seeing the bond he shared with his younger sister in person was something altogether different. It was another piece of the puzzle of him Cath was working to figure out. Another part of him that seemed to be exactly as it appeared.

Tom let out a resigned sigh and shook his head. “To think I was thrilled to pieces about becoming a big brother. Oh to be so young and naïve…”

Emma merely grinned, grabbing one of Tom’s hands and squeezing. “You love me and you know it, big brother. Besides what would life be like without me here to keep you on the level?”

“Infinitely quieter.”

“But so much less fun.”

“So says you.”

Emma stuck her tongue out at her brother and Tom dropped his head back, laughing heartily. Cath smiled, basking in the utter delight and amusement radiating from Tom. It was wonderful, watching him interact with someone he cared for. Seeing bits of him that he did not always keep on display; the long suffering and cheeky older brother.

“But on a serious note,” Tom started once he’d calmed enough to speak coherently, “we should probably get going before it gets too late.”

Cath ignored the jolt of disappointment at the idea of Tom leaving. Why should it matter? It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t see him the next day and the day after that. They had only just started the show’s run, there was still plenty of time to see and speak with him. She was being ridiculous and needed to get over this…whatever it was…and quickly. Cath smiled first at Tom and then at Emma. “Well then, I won’t take up any more of your evening.” She turned her attention towards Emma. “It was lovely meeting you, Emma. Tell Allie I say hello. See you tomorrow, Tom.”

Turning and pointedly ignoring Zawe and Lorna’s quiet protest, Cath headed towards the greeting room door, intent on heading upstairs to grab her bag and coat. The dressing room had already been set to rights and most of the stage crew had left for the night; it was about time she headed home.

“Wait,” Emma called.

Cath paused, turning back to find the woman walking towards her smiling with her hand held out.

“If you are heading out, why don’t you come with us?” Cath watched eyes Tom’s eyes widened then quickly narrowed at his sister’s words. The annoyance and frustration rolled off him in waves. Emma ignored the terse way her brother called her name, continuing on with her invitation. “We’re heading out for drinks and I’d love to pick your brain a bit more.” She paused, flicking her eyes towards Zawe and Lorna, before smiling. “All three of you. So what do you say?”

Next

[moodyblueangel]

Broadchurch - Season 3

I’m working abut 60 hours less this week than I usually do, so that's given me the opportunity to finally splurge out all the Broadchuch questions I have for the finale on Monday.  

I loved the first season. I loved the second season too and will never understand the criticism for it. I'm distraught that this is the last season and still don't understand why that's the case.

So with that in mind, I've nailed it down to seven questions that the show needs to answer in one 45 minute final episode. Yikes...

1) Who Did It?

Perhaps the most important question of the season. We've been there with Trish since she reported her attack and the show has delicately, sensitively and honestly dealt with the procedural and emotional repercussions of that brave act. At a time when we are littered with the negative ways that women who have been survivors of sexual crime are perceived and treated by the law, by the media and by society, it has been refreshing to have something  high profile, such as a successful drama show, combat this issue head on.

It may feel that the town of Broadchurch and it's surrounding areas is a little over the top in having so many men be in the frame and considered potentially capable of doing such a heinous crime. However, each is very different in the way they are culpable. Some are multiple adulterers and treat their spouses and the women they sleep with as possessions that can be used and thrown away at choice. Some are seemingly nice guys, but feel that they can obsess over women, stalk them, photograph them without their consent. Some think it's okay to view women as sexualized objects as long as it's through a screen. Others just simply doubt a woman who has been viciously attacked. This isn't Broadchurch being over the top, it's just simply portraying the ubiquitous misogyny that we have to deal with every day. Only one (or maybe two!) of those men are guilty of the crime, but that doesn't mean they aren't all guilty.

By about episode 6 of series one I was absolutely sure I knew who the murderer was and I turned out to be right. This season I do not have a clue. I have no main suspect. The list of suspects actually increased the further the series has gone on rather than decreased. Now, I love me some Hardy and Miller, but on this investigation they've gained victims and suspects! However, they are both super cute, so I'll forgive *pats silly detectives on the head*.

So the main suspects are; Ian the creepy ex husband, Jim the philandering husband, Lucas the weird trinket collecting cab driver,  Horrible Histories Rapist, Leo the Twine Boy and Ed the stalker.

Frankly, it could be any of those, they've all been highly under suspicion , questioned and investigated. Plus, they are a pack of creepy creepersons. Taking that into consideration, if one of those men were involved, it won't just be him that's guilty. There will be a twist somewhere. Maybe it was more than one. We know there were two other victims at least over the last few years, perhaps and most terrifyingly, it was a different man for each attack.

So that leads us on to the outsiders. The men who haven't been specifically under the spotlight.

Michael - Evil cab driver's stepson. He's got the face of someone who is guilty about something. Perhaps it's just because of the porn on his phone and computer, but dollars to donuts he's hiding something else. Maybe the bright light that Trish saw during her attack was from his phone? If Lucas Snr is involved then it's looking likely that his stepson knows more than we think.

Tom Miller - The reason the season one reveal was so spectacular and effective was because it was the option that would have the most effect on Ellie. She is the heart of the show and we follow her emotions and feelings. If Tom was involved in any way imaginable, that reveal would have the same kick in the stomach as Joe's did in the first series.

The housekeeper/Owner - He either knows more than he's letting on or is involved somehow

Paul the Vicar - There's always been a slight edge to the reverend, something less than holy. He's been very much on the outskirts of everything throughout the three seasons. Could he be involved? If he is, then it'll probably take more than an hour to explain it!

The caterer - We saw him briefly during the flashback to Cath's party and was briefly questioned by Hary and Miller. He was at the location all night. However, I can't remember his name. He's not a significant character. Would it be  disappointing reveal if it was him?

Nige - It's curious that they've brought Nige back, but we've only seen him briefly. What was that about? Was it just for the hit of nostalgia, or is there more to it? Susan said that she was worried that he would turn into his father's son. Maybe he has.  

SOCO Brian- Yeah, I'm considering everyone. It's a long shot and there's probably been too many DNA trails for it to be someone in the business.  

2) Who does the house belong to?

A few episodes back now, Hardy and Miller mentioned how Trish's attack would have been visible from the house in the grounds, or a light that Trish saw could have been directed from there. However, as of yet, they could not find the owner of the property. It still hasn't been revealed. Is this important? Is it something else that's going to be revealed? Or was it just a red herring?

3) Who does the blue twine belong to?

Twine Boy obviously knows more than he's letting on. I don't think either Miller or myself were fooled by his sob story in the least episode.  That being said, it's a seaside town, blue twine is hanging about all over the place. It really could be anyone.

4) What's going to happen to the Latimers?

I liked how the series reiterated how the grief of a family doesn't just suddenly go away, that it's on going and closure and moving on is a continuing battle. I also loved the actors involved in this family. They are brilliant at whatever they're given. However, for the most part their inclusion has seemed jarring sometimes with the on going story. There was just so much to explore with both stories, both seemed a little rushed at times.  Their story has linked well to parenthood theme that's run through the season, though. Either way, there's only 45 minutes left of the whole series and they seem to be in a more confusing place now than at the start of the season. Enough time to give them a decent ending?

5) Will Daisy leave?

Hardy ripped up her train ticket and did the best rant ever on television at the teenage boys. However, I'm not sure that's going to take away Daisy's dislike of Broadchurch. We still haven't found out what exactly happened at her mum's to provoke her move to the town with Hardy either.  

6) Have we seen the last of Joe?

There were some wonderful scenes in Liverpool with Mark, but the whole Joe storyline still seems a little unfinished. I know they all drove him out of town with the promise that they would kill him if he returned, but can we really leave the series knowing he's literally got away with murder? That's not even the most fearful part about it. He's out there free to groom any young boy that he may find. We've got no reason to believe he won't do what he did to Danny to another child. Also, how do we know he won't try to contact his children? Legally, he has a right to them. Unless any new evidence comes up, the law is on his side, not Ellie's in respect to how close he can come to his kids or the town.  

7) How will we leave Hardy and Miller?

The most important part of the finale, for me anyway. I love these characters, they are the spine of the whole show and have knocked everything they've been given this season out the park. I could literally watch them just interview the vile men of Broadchurch for hour after hour. My favourite thing in life is now Olivia Colman's 'done with mankind' withering looks.  However, I feel that these two characters have taken a sort of back seat to the case and the Latimers, this season. Particularly Ellie. It sort of feels very similar to the first season for her character. On the surface everything is almost tickity boo, but there are hints and clues all along that things are going to impload for her in the finale again.

I know we've seen how Ellie had a little struggle with Tom and porn on his phone, but so far it hasn't implicitly been suggested that it's anything more than stupid teenage boy behaviour. We know her mum died recently, but it was only briefly mentioned. We haven't seen any huge evidence of the obvious grief that event must have triggered. We know she's back as a D.S now, but we haven't really seen how she managed to work her way back into the job. We know she hasn't been sleeping and is having nightmares, but again, we don't know if this is just because of the case or if this has been a long term thing. We know she obviously doesn't see or hear from Joe, but we don't know if she's divorced, whether she did the same as Mark and found out where he is so she can keep an eye on his whereabouts.  

The same can be sort of said for Hardy as well. We don't know really know why he decided to come back to Broadchurch, Daisey in tow. We don't know how his health is. We know he doesn't sleep either, but we don't know why. We don't know how he managed to get his old job back (surely they must have had a DI in his place for 2 years?). We know he has a fondness for Broadchurch now, he's expressed that much, but we still don't know any more. I'm assuming that the Sandbrook case didn't completely fall apart at he court case, like Danny's murder trial did. A little reference to that would have been nice.  

Anyway, it's Ellie really who, for me at least, as a viewer I live and breathe with (but I love Hardy too). How are we supposed to wrap up their stories in just 45 minutes, along with all the other questions needing answers? I don't want to leave forever not knowing why they aren't sleeping, or if Joe will try and see his kids, or if Alec will stay in Broadchurch even if Daisy leaves.

I still can't believe we're leaving these two characters and never coming back to them. It feels like we've only just got them. I'm not done with them yet. I know they've said this is definitely the last season, but that just seems so final and definite. I know David Tennant and Olivia Colman are hugely in demand and Chris Chibnall in off to play in Who land, but surely a little Christmas special here and there wouldn't hurt anyone? Or possibly a spin off away from Broadchurch, with just those two characters?  

I just don't want to leave them yet. And I don't want to leave them without knowing they'll be okay.