#i always have such positive experiences while drunk. something i am very grateful for. i never feel like not myself or not in control
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haloiisms · 10 months ago
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spoke to many beautiful women tonight. yes we were all drunk but that does not diminish how lovely it was. it was a saltburn themed party which is a movie i don’t even like but it did mean all the weirdo gay freaks were there and that’s exactly who i want to be around. got so many people’s numbers because i am charismatic and charming and sincerely interested in other people’s passions and also incredibly attractive. it was so much fun YAY 💛 peace and love on earth
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setsumushou · 1 year ago
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I am weirdly feeling positive for the first time in a very long time right now.
I will be receiving a highly-anticipated Christmas gift (I'm so grateful to that friend for agreeing to take on my fucked-up prompt - I am so curious to see that concept written by them!), so this gives me something to concretely look forward to. I have offered to let another friend give me a challenge, but it remains to be seen whether that friend cares enough for Roosmav by then to even give me that prompt.
I think I now have such a strong vision for what I want to personally accomplish in my contributions to the Roosmav zeitgeist (lol I know they will all be ignored, but that's okay - I find what's most important is just to find a way to release my ideas into the universe somehow) that I suppose it doesn't matter how much support I have or don't have. The greatest lesson I have learned from my Roosmav experience is to just do things because you find them personally interesting/inspirational. Before Roosmav, I used to want to see that number go up, and while I was on the Roosmav server, I lived to see my friends' reactions to the things I did - but now, I'm pleased just re-reading my own garbage and admiring my own art for myself, and just being happy that I was able to bring to life a vision that I've had. (My own Roostergina vision, lol.)
It definitely is a massive weight off of my shoulders to not have to hide anything anymore. That may have been what was fucking killing me - having to be so indirect and wishy-washy about my circumstances. I'm glad I can reminisce about the past now, but I will try to put my main focus and energy into moving on to the future in as positive and fruitful of a way as I can.
@unrealwasteland Thank you so much for being supportive and excited for my AU ideas! And I WILL GET YOU DRUNK AGAIN ONE DAY, I PROMISE. You were such a baller for that kinkmeme fill so early on in the fandom, and I believe you can bring that same creative energy again one day. xDDD
@bog-beast Thank you for taking up my prompt! Gosh, you really are game for absolutely anything, and I really had needed someone like you in my life. Talking to you has really opened my brain up to many things. And thank you very much for considering me a good "guide" in Roosterfuck, lmao. I mean, it was always what had most piqued my interest to try to tackle myself. But I just never felt the need to do things until I was yeeted out of the fandom, lol. My bad for being such a lazy, complacent bitch before this year, I guess. :S
I have another friend whom I will be thanking in a different way, but I'm grateful to you for being willing to openly associate with me! I do understand why some others don't, but all I ever wanted was to be treated like a person, so thank you for that! <3
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wildflowertips · 4 years ago
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Hi! I was curious if you had anymore Kuroko fic recommendations? Thank you! 🥺💗
hey! 🥺 i do have more kuroko fanfic recs. i didnt know what type of kuroko ship you wanted, so here are a few from some kuroko ships <3:
Kagakuro Recommendations
the flower that blooms in adversity by aotetsu
When Kagami falls for Kuroko Tetsuya, a famous prostitute from the red light district, he manages to find a whole lot of trouble and a person worth it all.
this fic deserves more love and attention. kagami love for kuroko absolutely made me sob
Brothers in Woo by buttwade
in which Himuro jokingly offers to help Kagami win Kuroko over and the joke's on him
kagami is drunk & himuro cracks jokes. this fic is funny. jealous!kuroko
Beastly call by TCon
"You mean," Kuroko started. "You'd be my Heat Partner?" He didn't expect Kagami to explode into a myriad of different shades of red more impressive than his own hair. "Y — yeah tha's what I'm sayin'!" for some reasons he lapsed into english with an odd accent. KagaKuro Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics & Sex Pistols AU - Fusion
Lots of smut in the beginning. there’s crime, suspense, and i read this fic like 5 times.
Stamina Training by tnsxbunny
As the weakest member in the team, Kuroko stays back after basketball practice to train on his stamina. Kagami watches from afar and decides to show Kuroko what real stamina training is.
SMUT. SUCH GOOD SMUT. thank u
The advantage of being Kuroko by heartfilledteddybear
mayuzumi hits on Kuroko & Kagami gets jealous 🥵
Akakuro Recommendations
Forget me not flowers in our hair by miniaturepsycho
When Kagami is captured by a beast Kuroko doesn't think twice and bargains to take the red head's position instead but it seems that there is more to this castle than meets the eye, and what has it have to do with forget me not's?? Basically a beauty and the beast AU that I decided to do after seeing the live action (which I totally did not cry at, not at all!!) COMPLETE
Contains Aokaga. Akashi as beast & kuroko as belle. So good 🥺
All I ask by TsuruKuni
"It's none of your business." "Tell me, Aomine. How can it be none of my business when you're throwing away the only person I've ever wanted?"
THIS FIC MADE ME SOB AT 3 AM. I highly recommend listening to ‘All I ask’ by Adele. I promise you will cry. Aokuro & Akakuro.
Bridezilla by DancingMarshmallows
Weddings are stressful... try helping people plan them. With two months to get everything together, a bridezilla and her bitch of a maid of honor, and finding love at the worst time, Kuroko would be lucky if he makes it out alive.
CEO!Akashi & WEDDING PLANNER!kuroko. you will not regret reading this one.
That Ridiculously Long Dance by Harmonia_Silverberg
Aomine, Kise, and Kagami never learn, do they? But apparently their "joke" works in Akashi and Kuroko's favor this time.
literally one of my all time favorite akakuro fanfic
What Would Chihiro Do by anewtinystory
Akashi is dating Kuroko, whose two brothers are very protective of him.[Based on a Tumblr anon's prompt: Nijimura and Mayuzumi are Kuroko's brothers; while Nijimura approves of Akashi, Mayuzumi feels the opposite]
slight smut. protective bros. i love it sm.
Aokuro Recommendations
Traded Mistakes by Acetate, Chrystie, exuberant_imperfection, kate882, luckypen
For the prompt: Aomine having an accident and losing his memory so all he remembers is being best friends with Tetsu and he doesn’t understand how that could stop.
Angst, oh the angst 😫😭.
Third time’s a charm (or maybe fourth) by LajtHane
Aomine really didn't mean to crash into him at Quidditch practice.
HOGWARTS AU. if that doesn’t temp you, idk what will. My fav Aokuro fic.
Maybe a touch of your hand by skinandbones
[Written for AoKuroWeek 2015]: Aomine moves into a new apartment and befriends a ghost boy.
no bc this fic made me cry too. pls read it 🎶ifwehad5moreminutes🎶
The Boyfriend Jersey by exuberant_imperfection, kate882
Kuroko, in a half-asleep mistake, ends up wearing Aomine's jersey to school.
THIS FIC IS CUTE SUCH DORKS
Hey, Come Here Often? by imabignerd
In which Momoi holds his magazines hostage, Aomine hates everything and everyone, and Kuroko is politely bewildered.
Aomine crushes on the lifeguard!Kuroko & Momoi is a little shit about it 😌🤍
Midokuro Recommendations
It’s Always your Fault! by warsandwich
Kuroko and Midorima are secretly dating, but Takao finds out their secret. De-anon from the anon meme.
Short, sweet, & funny 😌.
Partnership by Fayah
Their partnership starts in English class, but like everything else in their lives, turns into a matter of basketball.
Midorima really cares for Kuroko 🥺
Midokuro Ficlet by pandacchii
based off of imagineyourotp blog post: "Imagine your otp confessing while they were half asleep" Pairing: Midorima/Kuroko
short story but it’s really cute ☺️
An Unexpected Alignment by cinnaelle
Midorima Shintarou does not expect such a reoccurring encounter. But the wheels of fate are turning and Akashi moves his shogi piece.
well-written i love it sm. deserves more praise
The Way You Come Undone by oshare_banchou
"Midorima Shintarou is completely silent during sex. And Kuroko, who is both fascinated and frustrated by this discovery, wonders just how much it would take to make him come undone." - Kuroko/Midorima, in that order
do i need to say more? 😫
Kikuro Recommendations
Careless Whisper by DarkWoods
When Kuroko is dared to come up with some dirty talk, no one expects him to be good at it. Certainly not Kise.
my favorite kikuro fanfic. flustered!kise & tease!kuroko
如果的事 (If) by stormterror
People fall in love in many different manners. Love feels like many different things to many people, but Kise Ryouta thinks there's nothing that quite beats the feeling of being in love with Kuroko Tetsuya. [kise/kuroko]
SO GOOD I CRIED I SMILED SO HARD. pls kikuro deserves the world
Wires, Connecting by Bakagami
It's like being blind but not, like touching air, grasping at straws, voices dissipating and reverberating.
This story is locked so you need to login into ao3 to read it. PHONE SEX & DIRTY TALK 🥵
He Promised by imabignerd
Kise promised he'd smile for Kuroko the whole way through, all the way to the end.
Zombie apocalypse AU. Death. sobbing violently.
It’s a Small World by SilentSilhouette
Kise tries to find his soulmate through social media. Soulmate AU where a picture of your soulmate is tweeted to you on your sixteenth birthday.
This one made me crackle & laugh😂😂
Murakuro Recommendations
No Such Thing as Too Much Vanilla by plumtrees
Kuroko and Murasakibara have baking days. What do you mean it isn't canon?
baking!boyfriends & fluff 😌😉
Vanilla Cream by yoimrei
Murasakibara eats Kurokos ass after something Ahomine says which sparks his jealousy.
here me out first, the ass eating in this is *chef’s kiss* 🤌🏽🤌🏽
Philia by DarkWoods
That time Murasakibara and Kuroko started kinda-sorta fake dating, and kinda-sorta never bothered to break up.
Still going & i love this writer sm. i read all their stories 😙✌🏽
Lavender Secrets by SailorHikarinoMu
Kuroko was the one to bring out his true love for basketball, which had been hidden from prying eyes since the beginning. It was one of those things he was unsure whether he should feel grateful for, but all the same, it did mean something. What this 'something' was, exactly? Murasakibara did not know. Not yet.
FLUFF AAA FLUFF
Rainy by overdose
Kuroko listened to the rain pouring, and more importantly, Murasakibara's steady breathing.
smut. couch sex. size difference. 🥴
BONUS
Hanamiya Makoto/Kuroko Tetsuya
Scotomas by Darkenedcrystal
After the game against Jabberwock, Kagami goes overseas and Kuroko finds himself without a light. A slightly angsty, rather light-hearted story about what happens to Kuroko after Kagami leaves. Features teens finding their way around life, Seirin without a light, the Generation of Miracles being a family, the teens finding love and appreciating the heartbreaks. Kuroko tries to find his own style without a light, and stumbles into the darkness that is Hanamiya Makoto instead. Extra chapter added!
love this fic so much. downside: akashi is kinda a dick
Of Unlikely Friendships, Sneaky Bets, Shogi and Sake by itsthechocopuff
Imayoshi had introduced his two favourite kouhai to each other as an experiment. He did not predict they'd get along so well, both being shadows, but they did, and they worked, oddly enough. Hanamiya brought out the worst in Kuroko, while Kuroko brought out the the best in the other; and they both caused heartattacks to unsuspecting teammates who could not believe their darling shadow was not as innocent as he seemed.
you wont regret reading this one omg
Haizaki Shougo/Kuroko Tetsuya
A Taste That Lingers by therealmoyashi
I couldn't say anything, and that was alright because he didn't want an answer. I'll never forget the way that tasted. Yeah, I thought, he ruined me.
i cried reading this for the first time. out of character kuroko
By the Tomatoes by Wayfarer_Rye
It starts with a blue-grey t-shirt that says "Nothing but Net".
Haizaki wants to try again.
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ptergwen · 4 years ago
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from one kid to another
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w/c: 6.0k
warnings: mentions of drinking, lots of swearing, implied smut, and angst at times
summary: it was a mistake, a beautiful one that you didn’t make on your own
a/n: this genuinely is my favorite thing i’ve ever written :,) i say that a lot but this time i mean it, it’s really special i think and i so so so hope y’all do too <3 enjoy my loves
-
there’s only one thing in life that testing positive for is actually positive.
depending on the situation, obviously. yours isn’t ideal, or planned or a blessing or whatever people say. it’s a gigantic mistake that you didn’t realize you made until a minute ago.
you’d noticed something was wrong when your time of the month came and all you experienced was the symptoms. cramps, cravings, everything except your actual period. as everyone is pretty much taught to do, you ran to the closest drug store for a pregnancy test. what the hell else could it be? you messed around a few weeks ago, so there’s a possibility.
your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest the whole time you waited for the results. you’d thought of calling tom over for support, but there are a couple of reasons why you couldn’t do that. you realized you made the right decision when your timer for the test went off.
two red lines. you’re pregnant. you’re pregnant, and your best fucking friend is the father.
where do you go from here?
the test falls from your hand and hits the floor with a mocking clank. you slide down until your back is against the bathtub. well, you’re fucked. what an ironic word choice.
the fact that you aren’t ready in the slightest to be a parent when you’re still growing up yourself is one thing. it’s another that this could ruin the most important relationship you’ve ever had.
no, tom won’t be mad. he’s never once fought with or even raised his voice at you. in your times of need, he’s been the one to uplift you and kiss your puffy cheeks dry. no matter how he takes this, you know it won’t be out on you. he is half responsible.
but, with how you left things the last time you spoke, you’re not sure you’ll be able to get past it.
tom is alarmingly good at hiding how he truly feels. you always tease him that it’s because he’s a gemini. he’ll come back with shut up, i’m an actor and stick his nose in the air to give you the full image. in all seriousness, it does take a toll on how well he can communicate.
you’ve seen it in small ways, like when he brings you along for press days and uses unenthusiastic smiles to cover up his yawns. how he’ll be polite in a conversation with people he’d rather not speak to, then mumble about it once you’re home. he tries to put forward the “appealing” parts of himself even though he’s more than them.
tom’s biggest communication issue is that he’s been in love with you since year nine and hasn’t said a word about it. you’ve yet to figure that one out.
you two became friends while tom was starring in billy elliot. his schedule was so scattered between shows and school, so he struggled to balance both. he often had to stay late for extra help on the lessons. you’d also been there a few times. you worked better in the classroom, and he was grateful he didn’t have to be alone with the teacher.
most kids made fun of tom for his interest in theater, to his face and behind his back. not you. you thought it was just incredible that someone in your own classes worked at the west end. you’d told him on your way home one night.
he’d heard you before he saw you. “you’re tom, right?” you asked from behind him, the two of you making your way through the hall. the question sounded friendly, and it wasn’t every day kids were nice to him. tom stopped walking so you could catch up. “yes, and you are?” you gave him a small smile, books clutched to your chest. he instantly returned it.
“y/n. i heard you’re in billy elliot?” you laughed at your understatement, then corrected yourself. “that you are billy elliot, i mean. that’s so cool.” “oh, i am. thank you,” he chuckled back, a full grin taking over his face. you were both walking again, you by tom’s side. “i was hoping to come see you soon.” your voice got quieter as you told him, like you were nervous.
tom never had much luck with girls, not at this point in his life. this was an opportunity to change that. at the very least, to make a new friend. he offered something you said yes to without a beat of hesitation. “what if i got you the tickets?”
from then on, you began talking during class and not only when it ended. tom really knew how to keep the conversation going, telling story after story that left you laughing so much your teacher would shush you. you’d eventually moved to hangouts at either of your houses. harrison came into the mix at some point, the three of you forming your own group.
the difference between tom and harrison was that while harrison linked with other girls, tom was only interested in you. he’d gotten a crush on you pretty fast, if he was being honest. it might have been your shared sense of humor or the way you said his name.
thomas, when he was being cheeky. tommy, which took the place of a pet name. even regular tom. that might have been his favorite. he loved how it rolled off your tongue. he loved, and still loves, you.
you’d gone to all of tom’s performances you possibly could, the ones for school theater included. you also gave him the push to take his talents to hollywood. tom was afraid he wasn’t cut out for the big screen, that he needed more practice and experience first. you told him that if this was what he wanted to do, he had to start somewhere. why wait?
tom then landed his first movie role in the impossible at the age of fifteen. he’d received tons of praise and almost gotten nominated for an academy award, all because you convinced him to audition. you played a huge part in keeping him grounded when he was between films, and caught him up on whatever schoolwork he’d missed.
you practically zoomed to tom’s house when he was announced as the next spider-man. you’d been constantly refreshing every social media platform marvel was on since tom became a finalist for the part. that process was probably the most difficult experience he’s ever gone through. you’d know, having heard all about it from tom.
the two of you celebrated along with the rest of tom’s family that night. you kept giving him little proud of you squeezes on his shoulder or knee. tom is eternally indebted to you for being the most supportive of everything he does.
he of course sends the support right back. although he went down the movie star path, acting wasn’t for you. you’d gone off to university and studied hard as hell and aced all your shit. tom quizzed you on material whenever you needed. he wanted to help you somehow, and this was all you’d let him do.
he’d offered to pay off your loans and any other expenses necessary because he had the money to do that now. you refused every single time, not trying to become dependent on him. he admired your drive, yet hated it at the same time. everything you’d done for him, it was his turn to be the caretaker. it should’ve been.
whenever tom wrapped filming for the holidays and came back home, you were always preparing for final exams. he kept you company, content with simply being in your presence. you typed away on your keyboard and read over notes until your eyes burned. tom occasionally brought you snacks, tea, asked how you were and what he could do.
sometimes, he would have to cut your study time short. he’d say it wasn’t healthy or you were overdoing it and to come relax with him for a bit. other times, tom let you be. he didn’t want to get in the way of your already stressful assignments. those were the nights you’d fall asleep in front of your laptop. drool on your chin, hunched over at your desk.
tom made sure to tuck you in, press a light kiss to whatever part of your face wasn’t covered in spit, then let himself out. he knew where your spare key was, so he used that. you’d wake up to a “Fell asleep studying again. Rest today x” text the next morning.
when it came time for you to graduate, tom was on the first flight there. it was during another round of reshoots for chaos walking. he respectfully told doug that he’d have to work around his schedule or replace him, which couldn’t be done so late into filming. tom didn’t care that it made him seem like a prick. he was getting to you no matter what he had to do.
he’d earned plenty of stares and whispers from people as he took his seat in the crowd. he was a proper celebrity now, so he expected it. his solution was to ignore everything and chat with your family about how proud they were of you, tom the most. he saw you go from a kid attempting algebra equations to an adult at her uni graduation. you’ve really grown up together.
it was why he teared up hearing them call your name, seeing you beam as you walked across the stage. your mom grabbed his hand and nodded at him, like she could tell exactly what was going through his head.
you ran right up to tom after the ceremony was over, leaping into his arms. he let out a couple of chuckles as he spun you around. “i didn’t think you’d make it,” you’d admitted, happy yet sad tears in your eyes. tom put you down so he could pull you in for a real hug. “i’ll always be wherever you are, y/n,” he said into your ear, rocking you while you gripped at his suit collar.
flash forward to a year later, your career is finally taking off, tom’s is flourishing like it has been for years, and you’re pregnant with his child. you’re trying to recall the series of events that led you to this moment.
you were both drunk, blackout drunk because the only reason you remember sleeping together is that you woke up naked in the same bed. harrison’s bed.
he threw a housewarming party for himself, having recently moved out of tom’s and the other boys’ place. the three of them, sam, and you were all in attendance, along with a lot of others you hadn’t met.
neither you nor tom could figure out where he knew all those people from. he’d clinged to you two for the most part, more so you now with tom usually away. they could have been from work. harrison is breaking into the business himself, small roles here and there. tom actually met him in your school’s theater program, then he introduced him to you, ten years ago already.
sam entertained himself by making concoctions with the snacks harrison set out. harry got together a playlist for the party. harrison and tuwaine struck up a conversation with some of harrison’s actor friends. that left you and tom alone, out of stuff to do, and with one way to fix it.
“drink?” tom had asked you, a smirk playing on his lips. “love one,” you hummed back and set off for the kitchen. the two of you raided harrison’s liquor cabinet, grabbing his biggest bottle of wine. he’d dumbly pointed it out during the house tour he gave you before the other guests arrived.
you were about to search for glasses, but tom’s fingers threaded through yours. he gently tugged you away and nodded behind him. “let’s bring this upstairs. seems much more fun there,” he’d murmured over the music, a grin breaking across your face.
tom is big on clubbing and socializing, however, you aren’t. he comes up with ways to get you out of these events, just in case.
“we can break in harrison’s bed for him,” you said as a completely harmless joke, no intentions of that becoming your reality later on. spoiler alert: it did. “and how are we gonna do that?” tom quirked a suggestive eyebrow and breathed out a laugh as you dragged him towards the stairs. despite yourself, you’d giggled at his words.
not one drink in either of you yet, and you were stumbling and cracking up as you ran upstairs. you’d pulled tom by your still attached hands into what you remembered as harrison’s room. tom shut the door, locked it, saying under his breath that would be a “convenient investment” for him to make as well.
he took out a bottle opener that he must have put in his pocket at some point and got to work on your wine, you getting comfortable on the new mattress. the two of you passed it to the other after every sip, tom licking the taste of your lip gloss off his own lips every so often.
the equivalent of three drinks in, you were making out. both of you were just tipsy at this point, tom holding you by your hips as you lied down, your legs around his waist. god, he could’ve done this sober. he’d dreamed about kissing you, really kissing you since he was fourteen. you’d always felt like you two had something more. ah, there it was.
halfway through the bottle got you past the next two bases, and you were ready for the fourth and ultimate one by the time you shook the last few drops onto the tip of your tongue. tom groaned at the sight of that, drawing your half naked body in closer to his.
you two had forgotten to use protection in each of your drunken states. without a doubt, you both would’ve agreed to a condom had your minds not been everywhere but where they should have.
you’d woken up first the morning after, panic immediately coursing through your veins thicker than blood. a fully nude and sleeping tom had you in his embrace, arms secured around your middle, facing you. you gasped when you made the connection, loudly enough to wake tom up. his long eyelashes tickled your face, a confused pout on his lips. uh... um...
“did we fucking...” you trailed off, no words to describe whatever unfolded. “fuck?” tom finished for you. a very blunt explanation, but true nevertheless. “looks like it,” he rasped, pout changing into a smile. your face fell at the vague memories of how you spent your night.
you definitely wanted to do it. just, he’s your best friend, who’s seen you at your least sexy moments over the years. when you were sick, had breakdowns from stress, you name literally anything, tom was there. it took one bottle of cheap wine for him to forget that?
the real answer was no. tom is entirely in love with you, for a decade at that. you were beginning to discover you feel the same, only you had no idea he already loves you. you’d assumed this was meant to be merely a hookup. from the frown your face held, he’d thought you were regretting it. oh, were you both so wrong.
“um... we don’t have to talk about it,” tom told you halfheartedly, under the impression that’s what you preferred. you physically felt yourself get weaker in tom’s strong arms. he’s not interested. “yeah, that’s probably for the best. i...” you were lying. his heart shrunk, shriveled up inside his chest. she doesn’t love me like that.
“you have to go. aren’t you behind on some emails?” tom hoped you didn’t hear his voice strain from the tears pushing at his eyes. “right. almost forgot, thanks.” you’d plastered on a smile, slipping out of his grasp. a tear rolled down his cheek, so he wiped it away before you noticed. you’d already gotten out of the bed and begun picking your clothes up off the floor.
“i’ll drive you home, then.” he rolled on to his other side, you thought so he could give you privacy to change. it was that, and also because he was crying. he couldn’t hold it in. tom is naturally an emotional person. imagine finding out the love you’ve had almost half your life is unreciprocated. it’s soul crushing.
you two found harrison snoring and on top of tuwaine as you left the house. no silly remarks or shared glances for the first time in ten years. tom couldn’t muster anything up, and you felt numb.
the drive was painful. you’d said your goodbyes after tom pulled up to the curb, which held an odd weight to them. once you were out of the car, a sob wracked through him, banging on the steering wheel and not giving a shit about the loud horn going off. you collapsed face first onto your bed. hours passed by while you stared at nothing and contemplated everything.
since it happened, you haven’t spoken much. small talk over text every few days or so, both of you pretending things are normal for the other’s sake. about a month later, today, is when you found out you’re pregnant.
there’s no use wallowing in any of this. you need to figure out your next move, one that should probably involve tom. first, you want to talk to someone else. you want other opinions and a voice in your head that isn’t your own. harrison gets a text from you saying to come over now, the now in all caps. he does.
you let him in after the second knock, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. however torn you are, you must look it. shirt balled in your fists, lip quivering. he keeps his eyes on yours as he steps inside, pushing the door shut behind him. this is all becoming too real. “y/n, are you okay?”
you’re about to cry in three, two...
“haz, i fucked up,” you choke out, tears unable to stay at bay. he takes you into his arms for a hug. half your face is hidden in his shoulder, hands clutching at his back. he lets you cry it out, holding you until your heavy breathing steadies. “what’s happened?” harrison asks quietly, both of you leaving the hug.
“if- if i tell you, you can’t freak out. you can’t tell anyone else, either,” you instruct, searching his eyes for certainty that he won’t under any circumstances. “i won’t, y/n/n,” he assures you and puts an encouraging hand on your arm. your heart pounding abnormally fast, you spit it out. your first time saying it aloud. “i’m pregnant.”
harrison flinches and doesn’t even try to conceal it. he takes his hand off of you, worry swimming across his features. he blinks at you, unsure of what to say. you’d react the same way, maybe worse, so you don’t blame him. a discussion you, him, and tom had a couple years back replays in his mind.
the three of you were talking about your futures, seeing as you were close to living them. when tom asked you two where you stood on having your own families, you didn’t hesitate to answer. “nope, the factory is closed for a long ass time.” until you were in your thirties, you aimed to focus on yourself. harrison distinctly remembered because of how you phrased it.
“you’re... you... wow,” is all he replies with. you head over to the couch, more tears welling up in your eyes. do the pregnancy hormones act up this early? harrison follows you over and sits down next to you with an awkward clearing of his throat. “do you want to be pregnant?” he has to ask because he’s not sure if he should congratulate you or what.
“i don’t know,” you answer honestly, voice airy. your eyes are fixed on the wall in front of you. you haven’t given yourself time to think about it. there are so many reasons you don’t, and a single one you do. “do you, um, know who the dad is?” harrison glances over at you. “yeah.” your voice cracks. you’re both afraid for him to ask what he does next.
he shifts so he’s sitting up. “can i know?” a sniffle passing through you, you finally look at him. “it’s tom,” you say it before you lose the nerve to. harrison’s face doesn’t change this time. he isn’t surprised you and tom went there. he’d seen your friendship growing into more the older you all got. what he can’t believe is where it took you.
his best friend pregnant, and his other best friend responsible for it.
“when did you...” “at your party,” you explain, bringing your legs up so they’re criss cross on the couch. “i thought you were gone a little too long.” he says that to try cheering you up. you appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t work. you’re not in a joking mood. he’ll stick to the main issue. “so, have you told him?”
“clearly not,” you scoff, not at him but at what you two have gotten yourselves into. “y/n... i think you should tell him,” harrison sighs out, then adds, “whether you keep it or not.” “why? that would ruin everything, it already has.” you’re getting angry now, which plunges you into angry crying, voice unsteady as you go on.
“the last time i saw tom was that night, and i guess it meant more to me than it did to him because we haven’t talked about it at all. he didn’t want to.” you swipe the back of your hand across your eyes, gaze stern compared to harrison’s soft one.
he drapes an arm around your shoulders, you curling into him with another sniffle. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, then he tries again. “i know you, y/n, and i know tom. you’ll kill yourselves not talking about this.” he’s right, no shit he is. avoiding telling tom how you feel, and your pregnancy on top of that, it’s eating you up inside. it’s swallowing you whole.
“what if he doesn’t want to be a dad? or- or i’m a shit mum?” you croak out, your doubts getting the best of you. “i can barely take care of myself. what am i supposed to do with a baby?” you’re leaning forward with your hands pressing into your temples. harrison’s hand moves to your upper back. “i- i don’t think i should have them. i... we can’t,” you conclude.
“tom loves kids,” he gives you a gentle reminder. “why would his own be the exception?” another good point, yet you still have rebuttles. “right, he’s a godfather and he’s really good with them and all that, but i’m not the right person, and it’s a terrible time,” you tell him all at once, in a rush to get your words out before harrison’s sway you.
“he’s never around, i’m doing my own stuff. we’re not meant for this.” you lift your head out of your hands and sit back on the couch. harrison returns his hands to his lap. he’s frowning at you, which you see from the corner of your eye. “i’m not going to force you to have the baby. just saying you have options.”
yeah, really shitty ones.
“either way, talk to tom.” harrison says this more like a demand so you’ll take his advice into actual consideration. “at least about the hookup.” your teeth sink into your lower lip, eyes watering for the nth time already.
you have no choice because he’s right again. you’ll never move on from what happened unless you and tom address it.
the next morning, you do what harrison told you to and invite tom over. he replied saying he was on his way maybe a minute later. he’s nervous to see you because yeah, but more so looking forward since it’s been so long. you’re so nauseous you barely have room for nerves. it’s morning sickness with a hint anxiety.
it feels almost normal when he first gets here, no how’ve you been and what are you up to these days? being as close as you and tom are, you’re not capable of such a dry conversation. personally, you still feel uneasy while he recounts a golfing incident him and harry got into the other day. you know something he doesn’t.
“when i tell you we flew, we flew,” tom makes a pushing forward motion with both hands. “right into the tree. i think harry, like, dented part of his face.” he lets out a breathy laugh, you forcing out one of your own. you’d be more interested without the fact that you’re expecting a child, his child, at the back of your mind.
tom exhales, shifting to face you on your couch. it’s funny how different things were when you and harrison sat in these same spots yesterday. so much has and is about to change.
“they had to send another golf cart to come get us. it was wild.” “it sounds wild,” you hollowly agree. he can tell you’re not too invested in hearing about harry’s terrible driving skills, so he changes the subject. “anyway, harrison told me he came over last night?” your stomach drops, heat coming over your whole body.
“did... did he say why?” you murmur with a look of urgency in your eyes. tom shrugs a shoulder, and casually. there’s no way he knows. “no, was he supposed to?” his tone stays playful, which you can thankfully tell. that puts you more at ease. “no. no, never mind. i would’ve asked you to come, but...” you’re searching through your catalog of excuses.
thank god tom says something else because you can’t find a good one. “it’s alright. i actually, um, had a work call.” a small smile spreads across his face, a proud one. intrigued, you raise both eyebrows. “what’d you talk about?” tom twiddles with his fingers in his lap. “i’ve been offered an audition for this really amazing film. everything works out, it’ll be huge for me.”
you’re smiling back this time, putting a hand over one of his. “woah, that’s incredible. i’m so happy for you, tom.” you lock your fingers with his from the back of his hand. he looks down at them, humbly shaking his head. “when is it?” “a few weeks from today. it films in brazil...”
oh. you can’t tell him now. it’s not worth him missing out on a milestone in his career for a baby you’re not sure you should have. that would be so unfair of you to ask. what are you going to do, not support his dreams for the first time in a literal decade? and, you’d call yourself his best friend through it all?
you guess this also means the way you feel about tom is one sided. he’s okay with leaving you after the most intimate moment you two have ever shared. you’ll dance around it the rest of your lives. better yet, act like the night never even happened. that’s not so easy to do when you’ve got a permanent reminder of it.
the thought makes you sick to your stomach. so sick, you could...
while tom is talking more about what the audition entails, you suddenly bolt up from the couch. you run for the bathroom, a hand cupped over your mouth. his face twists up in confusion from your disappearance. tom calls, “y/n/n?” out to you, but you can’t respond because your head is in the toilet. he rushes in when he hears you retching.
he gets onto the floor with you. you’re bent over, puking your guts out, back in another place where your life changed forever less than twenty four hours ago. tom pulls your hair out of your face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand, his other on your back. that’s all you have in you. you stay over the toilet just to be sure.
saliva drips from your mouth, making you cough roughly, the sound echoing. tom moves so he’s next to you, keeping his hand in your hair and not caring one bit about the smell because he loves you and he’s utterly concerned about what he witnessed.
“love, are you sick?” he coos, searching for your eyes. they water from the intensity of everything. “morning sickness,” you answer without thinking first. shit. shit, shit, shit. it came out of you like more vomit, word vomit. there’s no going back now.
tom lets go of your hair with his eyes still on yours. his hand on your back then leaves you, fingers trailing down your body as they go. “morning sickness,” he repeats, putting it together. “you’re pregnant?” guilt taking over your features, you sit across from tom. you’re once again leaning against the bathtub, him against the counter.
“this isn’t how i wanted you to find out,” you admit and bring your knees up to your chest. “i took a test yesterday. it was positive.” your arms wrap around your legs, you now tearing up because tom figured it out. a shaky breath passes his lips. “i haven’t gone to my doctor or anything yet, but i-“
“are you keeping the baby?” tom cuts in. not to judge you for your choice, to find out what the fuck is going on before he travels across the world. you tighten your arms around yourself, grabbing your wrist. “i haven’t decided.” he gives you an understanding nod and reaches out for you. you dodge him. he might not want to do that after what you say next.
“tom, i... there’s more,” you whimper out. “yeah. i’m... i’m listening,” tom croaks, unable to hold in his infinite amount of emotions for a multitude of reasons. he’s losing you a second time. more tears spill from your eyes as you break the news, the news that will destroy what he’s been working towards his entire life.
“the baby is yours.” his face relaxes, looking almost relieved when you confess it. “when we slept together, uh,” you’re sure it’s obvious enough that you don’t have to go over the details. he’s tearing up himself. you reluctantly continue. “if you still want to audition, i get it. we don’t have to do this.”
“fuck the audition. fuck the whole movie. all of my movies, really,” tom surprises you by blurting out. he moves in until your legs are touching. “i’m staying. even if you don’t have the baby, i have to be here.” you watch in disbelief as he wipes away what are actually happy tears. “really? i was scared you’d resent me for it, or hate me even,” you mumble to him.
“y/n, what? why would i ever do that?” tom places a hand on your cheek, touch gentle and filled with love. you part your legs so he can be closer to you. he takes the space between them, thumb brushing over your skin. “i didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of this. i thought that night was only a hookup for you.” your voice wobbles under his gaze.
“no, are you kidding? i thought that’s what you thought.” he’s smiling now, eyes twinkling along with it. what he’s been meaning to tell you since you were only kids finally comes out. “i’ve loved you as long as i’ve known you, y/n. i always imagined myself doing this with you.” his words draw a quiet laugh from you, a happy one. “i know we were drunk, but i meant it all.”
the sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes, they make you cry all over again. you’re getting used to it.
“i love you, tom,” you lean into him with a sniffle and a grin, his forehead now resting on yours, using his thumb to catch one of your tears. “i really do.” “i love you forever. i always have,” tom speaks lowly, breath fanning across your face. your hands grab at his shoulders. “so, you’ll stay? you’ll do this with me?” he reminds you of what he said before, this time a promise.
“forever.”
-
you ended up having the baby, and tom held your hand through the entire labor. nikki was holding his other hand, your mom holding your other hand. harrison had originally been in the room as well. when you started to push, he got freaked out and had to leave. your support system remained strong either way.
despite his repulsion of your daughter’s birth, you and tom decided to make harrison her godfather. he eventually became the godfather of your other two children also, which you had a few years later.
tom took a paternity leave from the industry so he could be with you and jamie. he’d also used his time off to propose to you, something else he fantasized about since year eleven in school. it wasn’t anything too grand because the whole world was already buzzing about you two, and a big gesture felt too impersonal with everything you’d been through together.
he did it in the form of passing a note, something you often did in class to avoid being scolded by your teacher for talking. the note came with a pencil to check off either the yes or no box, “will you marry me?” written above them. anyone else would have found it so unromantic, but you giggled as you checked off yes before your lips crashed into his smiling ones.
you were married shortly after the proposal, jamie as your flower girl and all your friends and family in attendance.
to do what he loved and stay with the people he loved, tom created his own version of hollywood in london. he took it upon himself to assemble a team and make a production company. harry behind the camera, harrison and tuwaine in the films, and tom either starring alongside them or directing. they give so many young actors tons of opportunities.
you eventually went back to work, too. it was like you’d never left, coworkers offering endless hugs and going over what you missed, not that you struggled getting into it. tom was there to celebrate every promotion, every compliment from your boss, every part of your life. jamie was also there, then liam and lucy.
all three of them are running around the house right now, putting on shoes and collecting their supplies for school. you take a sip of the orange juice liam didn’t finish with a lighthearted eye roll. tom chuckles as he passes you in the kitchen, getting the kids’ lunchboxes for them to minimize the chaos.
“you have that pitch meeting today, right?” he slips his hands through the lunchbox handles and walks over to you. “mhm,” you hum, mouth full with juice. his lips press to your temple, giving your waist a one handed squeeze. “you’ll smash it. always do.” “thanks, tommy.” putting down the cup, you reach up to button whatever parts of his shirt he didn’t have time to.
“aren’t you doing a casting? for the new script they sent?” you wonder aloud and smooth down the cotton material. “me and harry. should be interesting,” he remarks, you giving him a quick kiss back on his chin. they tend to have their artistic differences. “good luck with that. you do drop off, i’ll do pick up?” you pat one of the lunchboxes around his arms.
“deal.” tom goes in for a kiss on your lips, then a chorus of dad, we have to go led by jamie rings through the house. with a knowing smile, you push at his chest. “see you later. love you.” “love you, holland,” he bites back a grin of his own. his last name, now yours, suits you perfectly.
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lunnanunna · 4 years ago
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Blonde
BTS Extra Member AU
Summary: The story of how and why Jungkook dyed his hair blond. (Or at least the story within my AU 😂)
Warnings: swearing
Taglist: @kimonmars​ @mythicalamphitrite​ @hyunmijung​ @poutypoutybin​ @sunflower-0180​
Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from a taglist.
A/N: I know this happened a while ago, but whatever. Hope you enjoy!
Requests are open! Let me know what you think.
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“Lexi?” Came a whisper. Lexi grumbled as she felt someone shaking her awake.
“For fuck’s sake, Kookie, the dorm better be burning down,” she hissed as she sat up in bed. The lights in their shared room were still off, and the clock on her nightstand read 3:43 AM.
“No, the dorm’s okay. We’re safe,” Jungkook assured her.
Lexi glared at him. “Go to Hell,” she grumbled as she flopped back in bed, pulling her blanket back over her. They had schedules later that day, and Lexi wanted to get as much sleep as possible.
“Lex. Lexi. Han Chaewon.”
“What do you want?” Lexi whined as she sat up again, pouting at the other.
Jungkook grinned. “The cordi noonas were asking me if I wanted to change my hairstyle when I saw them today, but I had told them no,” the man said.
“Good job Kook-ah. You can say no to people,” Lexi rolled her eyes, moving to lay back down.
“No,” he giggled. “That’s not the end of my story,” the dancer said pulling on her arm to get her to sit back up.
Lexi scowled. “Are you drunk or something?”
“No, I’m pretty sober,” Jungkook nodded seriously.
“Okay, then what?”
“So I had said no, but like now I want to try something,” Jungkook said.
“What? Now?” Jungkook nodded with a grin.
He had to be drunk. Why did Lexi always have to deal with Jungkook’s 2 AM ideas?
She squinted at him in the dark. “What do you want to do? And why are you telling me?”
Jungkook hopped on her bed, facing her. “I want you to help me,” he said excitedly.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “No,” Lexi said, then laid back down, facing away.
“I want to go blonde.”
Lexi shot up and looked at him, eyes blown wide. “Bitch, why didn’t you lead with that?!”
Jungkook chuckled. “Dunno,” he shrugged.
“I think I have some left over supplies from when I went blonde back in the summer,” Lexi stated excitedly as she got out of bed.
Blond Jungkook would not only make ARMY very happy, but Lexi had been trying to convince him to go blonde for years. She would not miss this golden opportunity.
“I’m glad you’re so on board,” Jungkook chuckled as he sat back and watched Lexi scurry into their bathroom looking for the supplies.
Lexi stopped and glared at him. “Sir, I’ve been on your case about going blonde for years. You really think I’d miss this chance? You’re lucky I have experience in dying hair. So you’ll be blonde before the others even wake up,” she grinned.
Lexi had not only dyed her own hair a few times, but she had also been in charge of Yoongi’s dye jobs in the past. The man was particular about who touched his hair after a stylist burned off a chunk of it during a dye job. When he saw how good Lexi was with her own, he started asking her to do his. Lexi jumped at the idea, loving that he trusted her enough.
Once she gathered everything she turned to grin at the other. “Ready?” she asked him.
“Hell yeah,” he grinned right back.
~
A few hours later had Jungkook hanging his head over the sink while Lexi washed out the conditioner. The sun had risen a while ago, but the other still seemed to be asleep, which Jungkook was grateful for. He wanted to surprise them with the finishing product.
“How’s it looking?” Jungkook asked.
“Good so far. It’ll definitely look better once it’s dried,” Lexi stated, running her fingers through his soft hair. The man rarely ever bleached his hair, so it was far from damaged. It was also able to take the color well, though Lexi would still have to dye it again in a day or two to be able to get the right shade of blonde he wanted.
“As long as it’s ready for the Golden Disk Awards,” he had said.
“Oh, we definitely have time. No worries,” Lexi had assured him as she applied a bit more of the dye.
“Okay, all done,” Lexi said as she reached for a towel to dry his hair.
Jungkook stood up and groaned. “I hated that. That’s literally the worst position,” he grumbled, letting Lexi ruffle his hair with the towel.
“Well if you had given me proper warning, then maybe I could have ordered you one of those fancy salon chairs,” she said, flicking his forehead.
Jungkook pouted. “Don’t be mean,” he said.
Lexi rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Go sit on my bed and I’ll grab the hair dryer,” she directed. Jungkook nodded and made his way over.
Lexi grabbed the dryer, ignoring the mess in the bathroom. She’d regret that later, but they were almost done, and Jungkook had promised cuddles and actual sleep when they’d finish.
She quickly made work of drying his hair then grabbed a mirror and handed it to him. Lexi beamed at the finishing product. This had to be one of her favorite and better jobs she’d done.
“See? This is why I came to you. It looks awesome even if it’s a bit yellow,” Jungkook said, running his hand through his hair.
“Yeah, we’ll let your hair rest a bit before we go for it again. I don’t want to fuck it up,” Lexi stated.
“Makes sense,” he agreed, turning his head from side to side, looking at his hair from all angles.
“You look handsome, alright? Can we sleep now?” Lexi begged, latching onto his back. She nuzzled his neck.
Jungkook chuckled, placing the mirror down. “Yes, we can sleep now.”
“Yes!” Lexi whispered then got up and tugged on his arm, directing him to her bed. The two laid down and in minutes fell asleep.
Bonus:
“Do you smell that?” Taehyung asked sleepily from the kitchen table.
Seokjin and Hoseok who were making breakfast looked at the younger then sniffed the air.
“It’s coming from the maknaes’ room,” Namjoon said, already getting up from his seat. The other three followed him down the hall.
Jimin was by Jungkook’s and Lexi’s room then turned to them. “Did Jungkook go to bed blonde?”
“What?” Seokjin asked, eyebrows furrowing.
“No, why?” Taehyung asked,
“Well he’s blonde now,” Jimin answered, pointing at the door.
Everyone looked at each other then walked into the maknaes’ bedroom. There, laying in a tangle of limbs were the maknaes and a very blonde Jungkook.
“I- What?” Namjoon whispered. He was aware of the fact that their maknaes were completely knocked out, but still needed to get his question across.
“When did this happen?” Seokjin whispered shouted.
Taehyung, who was grinning, shrugged. He grabbed his phone and snapped a few pictures to send to Yoongi, knowing that the older would want to know what’s going on.
“Did they do it themselves?” Hoseok asked.
“Probably. Lexi’s basically an expert at this point,” Taehyung stated, walking over to the two sleeping members. He ran a hand through Jungkook’s hair and smiled. “Lex did well,” he smiled.
“Lex is also trying to sleep,” Lexi grumbled, eyes still closed. Everyone looked at her, eyes wide.
“Jungkook too,” the blond added, turning away from the older members.
“You’ve admired the hair. Now leave and let us sleep some more,” Lexi said then burrowed herself into Jungkook’s side.
“You can talk about how good it looks later,” Jungkook said, waving them away.
Taehyung snickered, lightly smacking Jungkook on the thigh. The younger let out a whine.
“Fine,” Jimin chuckled.
“We’ll save you breakfast,” Seokjin stated.
The maknaes both held a thumbs up, making the others chuckle as they walked out of their room.
“What do you think ARMY will talk about more? Yoongi-hyung’s return? Or Jungkook being blonde?” Taehyung smirked.
“That’s a tough one,” Namjoon shook his head, smiling.
Lexi’s Mastelrist
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eclectic-soulss · 3 years ago
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Stuff I do to keep in touch with my spirituality...
There are lots of things we can do to keep us close and in touch with our spirituality, it all depends on what we personaly like , and of course on what our path, beliefs, and approach looks like.
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Some may prefer quick little things on a daily basis, while others may prefer to do more complicated stuff every now and then. Some may prefer to communicate with deities, angels, or spirit guides, while others may prefer to take a secular or atheistic path. Some may focus on obtaining things like money, a house, nice clothes, while others may focus on obtaining spiritual alignment, connecting to source, or expanding their consciousness. That's why, the things each of us do, will look completely different and that is okay.
But in this post, I wanted to share with you some things that I do (or did at some point) that help me stay in touch with my spirituality. Maybe it could inspire you to start doing some of them or to come up with your own.
Being gentle with my natural rhythm: I cannot even begin to tell you how important this is for me, I've tried waking up at 5 to exercise and be productive, but it always felt like torture. When I decided to let my body dictate my daily rhythm things felt so much better. After a while of letting my body and my energy levels guide me, I discovered a thing called "Ayurvedic Clock" and my rhythm was so in sync with it. (I'll be doing a post about it soon). I now wake up at 7 but get out of bed at 7:30. My days officially begin at 10am, when I go for a walk with my dog and have breakfast. It is not until 12am or so that I begin to do school/work stuff. So, in conclusion, living in harmony with my body's natural rhythm has helped me tremendously in so many aspects.
Soothing and caring for my ego: I love my ego, I am grateful for having an ego because I understand that the only thing it wants is to keep me safe. So I treat it with love and compassion, every time it gets scared, has doubts, or negative thoughts, I let it know that is okay, that we are safe. I don't see the ego as an enemy, it is just a scared little friend that needs understanding, love, and reassurance. I don't have to kill my ego, I just have to calm it down with love.
Meditating with crystals: or just holding crystals in general, to me crystals are a powerful way to get myself into my desired state. If I want to be optimistic I take a piece of citrine, if I want to be true to myself I hold a piece of amazonite, if I want to do something that scares me I take with me a piece of carnelian. For me, the simple act of holding a crystal already puts me in a different mental state/ frequency.
Daily divination: Through divination, I feel connected to source energy and to akashic energy (will also be doing a post about akashic records pretty soon). Daily divination makes me feel like a messenger of the universe. And I can use those messages to guide me, pulling just one or two cards helps me go through my day much more confidently.
Listening to positive music: I used to listen to a lot of sad-angry metal, and I still LOVE that type of music. But I realised that the more I listened to it, the more I unconsciously began to think in the same way; I was hopeless, sad, angry. Changing the type of music I listen to on a daily basis has had a huge impact on my overall mood and approach to life. I now listen only to music with positive, uplifting, and loving messages. The sad angry music I let it for very rare and very specific situations.
Sunbathing for at least 15 minutes: Used to hate the sun, never got out of my house and if I did I would always try to avoid the sunlight. But when I began to embrace the warmth and beauty of the sun, something within me changed for the better. Now, sunny days make me feel so happy and positive, with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. (I actually think I may have had a vitamin D deficiency, and that's why the change was so drastic 😂). But anyway, I now love the sun so much that I even want to move to LA.
Recording and listening to my own affirmations: I loved affirmations since the first time I knew about them, but the ones I would find on YouTube wouldn't resonate with me that much. When I started writing and recording my own, things clicked. Listening to my own affirmations in a loop while meditating has been an absolute pristine way to change my beliefs and assumptions.
Scripting: I haven't done it in a while. But when I did it daily at the end and at the beginning of the day, my mood and reactions to things would match that of what I wrote. I always scripted stuff like "I am so grateful that my days are full of positivity, love, and light". And that's what I would experience, if something happened people around me (and I) would always react with love and had a positive mindset.
Sleeping more hours: I love sleeping, what can I say? On average I sleep from 8 to 10 hours 😂. It not only makes my body and my mind feel well-rested, or makes my whole mood better. But it also helps me feel connected to source and to other astral planes, and levels of consciousness. I used to communicate with Poseidon through dreams a lot. I also love to lucid dream and to analyse my dreams to decipher any messages that could be in them. A lot of my magic happens in my head, and dreams are a way for me to tap into that magic.
Drinking more water: If I don't drink enough water my whole body resents it. My head hurts, I get nauseous, I got no energy. And how am I supposed to be spiritual if I physically don't feel well?. I sometimes have to force myself to drink water, because if I don't I could go the whole day without having had a single sip, and that is not good.
Talking out loud as if someone or something was there: I don't know, I may be the only one, but I feel like talking out loud kinda gives me a bigger perspective of things. Like it's no longer just my ego thinking of a solution, but source itself (or a specific god) manifesting through what I say, offering me a solution. (I will also be doing a post about this). Talking out loud to nowhere makes me feel witchy and magical for some reason, although it may look crazy to others 😂.
Letting my emotions flow like the ocean: If there's something I learnt from Poseidon is that, resisting the waves of my emotions will just crash me down, but instead riding the waves will help me grow and learn. (especially emotions like sadness and anger). And with this, I don't mean just giving in to whatever I'm feeling, but instead accepting it and letting it be there for a long as it needs to. By doing this those feelings usually go away pretty quickly and I feel so much better after a few minutes or hours.
Keeping my space clean: This has a huge impact on my mental health. If my space is all messy and dirty that's how I feel inside, if, on the contrary, my space is clean and organised it manifests as positivity, will, productivity, and happiness.
Removing myself from unwanted situations and conversations: I don't mean this in the sense of avoiding situations that make me uncomfortable, but rather consciously removing myself from situations and conversations that don't bring anything valuable to the table. Like for example, gossip. Or conversations full of negativity. Or stuff like getting drunk for no reason at all. If it doesn't bring anything valuable to me and my development, then I don't want to be a part of it.
Living from the heart/love: This is something I'm still working on, living from love. Making sure everything I do and say is coming from love. For example, exercising because I love my body and I want it to stay healthy and strong, instead of exercising because I hate the way my body looks and I want it to be skinnier. Changing my mindset and my approach to things to one of love hasn't been easy, but it is something crucial to me so I'm gonna keep working on it.
#Conscious Souls
Eclectic Souls
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ourstarscollided · 4 years ago
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jatp fanworks appreciation - day 1 (writers)
motivation - so in true me fashion and my aversion to brevity, i've made three (3) posts (see also artists, gifs/edits) to celebrate the wonderful people in this fandom who have made my jatp tumblr experience what it is; a community of people who simply shout into the void about their love of a ghost band and their fearless female leader. i've enjoyed simply being on the sidelines admiring everyone's love for the show, but i thought this would be a good time to really show my appreciation for all these wonderful people, because if i've learned anything from this pandemic, it's that there is NEVER a wrong time to tell someone that they are simply ✨the best✨.
disclaimer: i don't interact with most of these people personally and i simply absorb their content from afar and scream about how wonderful they are in the tags.
This list kind of became a fic rec, so if you're looking for some wonderful fics to read (or reread), I've also included my favs from the author here as well.
Okay this is gonna get a little long so please bear with me. But I just wanted to preamble this by saying that the fanfiction written by the jatp fandom is what resparked my love for reading fiction after about 3-4 years of not reading for leisure (be an adult they said. it'll be fun they said.). So I'm really grateful for that? I don't interact with a lot of people, just because it makes me a little anxious, but I will constantly yell about your content in the tags as if I were on a set of bleachers with a megaphone.
I also know there are so many wonderful fic writers out there (on Tumblr and not on Tumblr) that make amazing pieces of work, and this is just a tiny peek into that, and is not at all conclusive.
Without further ado here are some writers who live rent free in my head, in alphabetical order, so feel free to just skip to your name to avoid my rambling:
@bluefirewrites -> your Merry Ex-Mas fic had me on the edge of my seat every single time you updated. I am so in love with how you wrote the characters into this and at how many words you churned out for this fic. This was filled with so much adventure, and it was really welcome during a time when the world wasn't allowed to travel. And I simply love all the other drabbles and fics you write, but I especially enjoy the hilarity of Ray Molina, Crime Scene Photographer and Matchmaker.
@captainkippen -> I'm pretty sure Love Drunk was one of the first fics I ever read in this fandom. Your stories and your writing feel so goddamn real and I find myself so immersed in the worlds that you've created. I have reread most of your jatp fics and I still manage to find myself stupidly grinning at my phone each time. Your stories flow so easily and are such perfect characterizations of the characters we know from the show, but elevated to fit into your verse. I cannot say enough how wonderful your writing is and how talented you are!! (also a slight nudge that I am still very much following along with The Key and the Crown and I hope you continue it!)
@catty-words -> Your???? Exhaustive??? Music??? Lists???? The amount of work and dedication and microanalyzing that you put into pulling out every detail from each scene is so admirable. You not only manage to find the details, but you also give us EVIDENCE via your intricately selected gifs. You could've just put the video of the performance, but no, you take your time to find that specific 1 second shot to emphasize your point. And your little fics that you sometimes throw out into the world? They're so beautiful, and so fun to read and I enjoy them so much! (I am STILL screaming about this band's a snack) Thank you for validating my yelling in the tags, and for feeding my hyperfixation to this show. (I'm sad these lists are ending soon, but it's about the journey ya know?)
@lydias--stiles -> I don't even know what to say here because I've yelled so much about your fics that I feel like there's really nothing else to yell. Your Road Trip AU was also one of the first ones I read in this fandom, and really just made me go absolutely feral. Pretty sure I absorbed the rest of your fics in an ungodly amount of time and I just simply think you are incredibly skilled and talented. Every time you post a new fic I always wonder what it's like to be in your head because the ideas you come up with are so unique and so well thought out. Thank you for all the art you create for this show, I will constantly be in awe of you. (Special shoutout to the 5+1 fic that became a 31 chapter monster)
@pearlcaddy -> This list would not be complete if I didn't mention you. First of all, thank you for suggesting this wonderful week, it has been so lovely to see so much love being spread around today. Secondly, I never thought I'd find myself reading a Buffy or a Wizarding World crossover fic, considering I know nothing about those two things. And yet I found myself on various nights after work at 3 in the morning just silently screaming and/or crying into my phone. Your writing is so insane. Your world building is so insane. Your banter/dialogue is insane. The way you capture the love between Julie/Luke in different universes is so perfect. Thank you for gifting us these beautiful pieces of art, and I hope you know that you have at least made one person (me) a very happy reader. I also really admire your dedication to "this will only be a oneshot", only to write like 4 other POVs for it. (Special shoutout to 100 Bad Days)
@ruzek-halstead -> Literally every single fic you have written lives rent free in my head. The way you've managed to build this universe of different Julies and Lukes, and each one still captures the essence of them is astounding. You've extended their characters beyond what we know from the show and I am just in awe of everything you write. Please know that dead of night is both triggering to me and yet the most hilarious thing I have read. (Special shoutout to the Fake Dating Christmas AU and of course the Cinderella Story AU)
@serendipitee -> Your stories and your writing are absolutely magical. I think Write It Down was one of the first multi-chapter fics that I followed super closely and whenever you updated, I would literally drop what I was doing and read it instantly. You have such a way of building the plot and the characters for all of your fics and drabbles, and making the reader just want more. Please know that I am so obsessed with Oh, She Waltzed With the Dead and I cannot wait to see where you take the story!
@sunsetcurbed -> I have no words for your writing. I am simply in awe every time I read something from you. The way you've got down Alex and Willie's voice to a tee is so crazy good. You write their characters and their stories with such grace and care, especially with how you approach the topic of mental health. Thank you for all the research you do and for also writing in your own experiences. I literally binged the Princes Diaries AU during work and lost a good half day to it, and I regret nothing because that fic left me in SHAMBLES. I secretly adore the way you say you're going to keep a fic short, and end up writing an insane amount of words for it. (I have not yet left my obligated long-ass comment on Chapter 4 of the College AU yet because I am still processing the fate/destiny concept.)
@tangledstarlight -> Gahh. Rosie. Please. This is going to sound a little repetitive considering I just screamed at you last night, but now I guess I will just have to publicly confess my adoration for you!!! Thank you for being my first online friend in a very long time, and for putting up with me yelling at you about everything (and also nothing at the same time). I can't believe all it took was one message about your Royals AU for you to post it, but I will gladly take that credit any day. You are so so so incredibly talented with your writing, and your ability to transport me to another world while I read your fics is unparalleled. I adore the way you can come up with a new story to write every day, and then proceed to throw it into your pot of other WIPs. I am so so so so lucky to have gotten to know you and am incredibly grateful that I now have someone to cry about everything with 🧡 (If you read anything from Rosie, you need to read her Seasons/Long Distance Juke "friendship" fic and the Reggie x Photography oneshot that made me bawl my eyes out.)
@thedeathdeelers -> No thoughts. Just soulmates. Jk jk, you know I love your Reggie x Ray x Carlos fics, and I will scream in the tags about it until the day I get more of those fics from you. This is lowkey a threat, but wrapped in kindness. You are so wonderful to see on my dash (albeit scary at times because of the sheer amount of headcanons and theories running through your head), but you radiate such positive energy that it's impossible to not want to jump in and scream about soulmates with you.
Some special mentions to fics that also live rent free in my head:
@sunsetsandcurves wrote a Willex Cruise Ship AU inspired by a Simple Plan song and it’s something I never knew I needed until I read it. 
@phantom-curve wrote a Juke fic based off of Coney Island and I would just like to say, yes, it did shatter me. (Here’s the fluff sequel that makes up for it though)
@unsaidjulie wrote the Juke dog fic of my dreams and I simply cannot express how much I want the Molina’s to have a dog now. 
@pawprinterfanfic managed to get me incredibly invested in a Star Wars AU even though I know absolutely nothing about Star Wars. I just know that I would die for two (2) space boys. 
@sanssssastark  your Later universe made me realize that I do very much want there to be more mature content for this fandom (and you constantly deliver).
@theobligatedklutz wrote a Tangled Willex AU that makes me screech every time there’s an update. Just read it.
@alexthedrummerboy your talent knows no bounds when it comes to your Social Media AU. Also she’s written ORIGINAL songs for Alex and Willie?!?!?! 
@gennified has this really wonderful modern take on pride and prejudice for Willex and I’m so obsessed with how much miscommunication there is.
@bananaleaves okay, I just found your Tumblr today, and I know you don’t know me in any capacity, but allow me to scream about THIS FIC RIGHT HERE. If anyone in this fandom is to read ANYTHING, it’s this fic. This was one of the best things I’ve read in a long time and absolutely wrecked me. Please just read this.
This turned out WAY longer than it was supposed to, and I’m SO SORRY. (I also tried to make sure I got everyone’s pronouns right, so PLEASE let me know if they’re wrong!) A final sincere thank you to everyone in this fandom who writes. Your talent knows no bounds. Gonna stop talking now before this becomes an essay....
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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years ago
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Remember Me ~ Worick Arcangelo x Reader
Disclaimer: This is going to have mentions of past abuse and supposedly illegal behaviour, but considering it’s Gangsta we’re talking about, I don’t think anyone should be surprised by darker themes addresses.
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Birthdays...Have always been tedious. A drag. More work than they are worth...So, I wonder...Why do I actually bother doing a party at my home?
I mean, it’s true, I get it, I’m 21, I’m of age...Legally an adult, legally allowed to drink, legally everything whatever...The same as it has been for the past 3 years...
And MAYBE it’s fun to sometimes gather around with your friends and do the same things everyone always does at parties, loud music, alcohol, cigarettes and gossips...
But there is always that annoying anxiety feeling surging through my veins whenever I have to be around more than 3 of my friends, considering this is a party organised by me, and everything has to be done perfectly, everyone must feel good, and at home, not to be left out...
I can already envision myself being the only outcast, anyway, but that’s besides the point.
It’s already evening, the alcohol is sitting on the table, the pizza boxes are stacked up in a mountain on the floor, plastic cups everywhere, ash trays placed strategically, dim lights, coloured light projectors to make the room look like a disco...
And then there’s me. Sitting anxiously on the couch in the living room, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a long plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, along with some silver rings and a necklace. Casual, comfy, yet pretty elegant in its simplicity.
My friends arrived soon, very loudly congratulating me on aging one more year, fantastic...But they had a mischievous smirk on their faces...
And they brought in a tall, blond man who looked very macho, and I could only blink in confusion as everyone walked inside.
“Uhm...Who is he? One of yours boyfriend or something?” I asked, eyeing everyone attentively. “Nooo, silly! He’s our gift for you!” my best friend grabbed the man by his arm, shoving him towards me. “I’m...Not sure I follow.” I spoke with even more unease, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. “He’s Ergastulum’s most wanted Gigolo! And tonight, he’s all yours to do with as you please! C’mon, you deserve to let loose and have fun once in a while, y’know? Forget about all those jerks and enjoy pleasure like you’ve never felt before~!” my other best friend grabbed me by my shoulders from behind, putting her chin on top of one of her hands, slurring seductively. “...I see.” I muttered, looking away, trying to mask my displeasure at what I was hearing. “Anyway, let’s get you drunk! You won’t get to enjoy anything if you’re so cold and reserved with everyone, y’know? Maybe that’s why you’re always alone! Now c’mon, let’s have fun!” she dragged me to the drinks table, and we started playing drinking games like never have I ever...
Gotta say, Vodka and Bailey’s has always been a shot combination that I adore, and I’m grateful that it takes a long time to get me drunk, because these girls are wasted, while I’m not, so I can escape their grasp. Drunk dancing isn’t that fun, even to watch, and they were making fools of themselves, screeching, giggling...More or less sounding like pained donkeys.
Or maybe I’m just too judgemental and mean because I’ve been in a bad mood and spiraling since they got in my home. To be fair, I don’t even care what is the truth. These are my feelings and I’m not going to play them off as insignificant or non-existent.
Eyeing them carefully, I take a pack of cigarettes and make my way out of the house and sit on the stairs, taking a deep breath of the cold winter night air, I light up a cigarette, taking a drag and staring up at the sky, letting my endless train of toxic thoughts overwhelm me.
I was so long in my own mind that I didn’t notice the door opening until a shadow blocked my vision, and I noticed the platinum blond man sitting down on the stairs below me, resting his back on the wall on the side.
“Y’know...I haven’t been to many birthday parties before, but I’m pretty sure the birthday girl is supposed to be pampered and the center of attention, and yet, here you are, outside, alone and sad.” the man spoke seriously, with his usual light glint. “How much did they pay you?” I muttered, lighting another cigarette, realising that the other one burn without taking another drag of it. “Hmmm? What do you mean?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I’m tipsy, not stupid. You think I can’t think rationally after 8 shots? You’re dead wrong. Now, tell me, how much did they pay you and what exactly did they tell you to do?” I asked in a pressed tone, side-eyeing him. “You’re certainly perceptive, I give you that. T’was quite a lot of money to spend the night with you.” he tilted his head in a playful way. “Not only they have no faith in me to get someone to even remotely like me...They have to pay someone to do something that I dread with a burning passion. Do you even know my name? I don’t know yours.” I shrugged, hanging my head, gritting my teeth in annoyance. “I see your friends screwed up a bit. Name’s Worick, nice to meet you.” he extended his hand towards me. “...Y/N. Nice to meet you too...I think.” I sighed, staring reluctantly at his hand, before slowly shaking it. “Pretty name for a pretty girl. Wanna talk to a guy you’ll never see again? I heard that venting and letting out pent up emotions helps.” he offered, making me look at him with a weird face. “You know you’re not gonna get any action, so you try to do something for the money you earned, huh?” I snorted, raking my fingers through my hair. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. Contrary to my profession, I’m a pretty chill guy. What do you have to lose, talking to someone you’ll never see again? And besides, I have little room to judge you, so if that’s your worry, you can throw it away.” he lit up a cigarette, puffing up into the sky. “You’re...Not wrong here. Okay, fine, Pretty Boy. Imagine this. You’re not even of age, you get your first lover and you’re happy. You finally feel superior. Someone gives a fuck about you...That’s the definition of a lover, after all, I guess...But here’s the deal. Barely one month into the relationship, the person starts getting very pushy and pressures you, without you realising. Words and actions. It goes to the point that they force you to do things that you don’t want to and you’re not ready to, mentally or physically...And you can’t do anything except for denying, since they don’t listen and they overpower you. How is that, so far?” I spoke, taking a few breaks in between sentences to keep myself grounded and lucid. “Very suckish. Does any of your friends know that?” Worick asked in a gentle voice. “They do...My two best friends do. The ones who apparently paid you. I don’t know what’s in those tiny brains of theirs, but I don’t think a one night stand is going to somehow magically get me rid of all problems, traumas, self-issues and nightmares I’ve been having for the last years. Or maybe I’m just paranoid. I don’t know, and at this point, I can’t stay that I care.” I shrugged, leaning back on the stairs. “Maybe you have the wrongs friends. I heard words about you that I don’t think friends should speak like that about their so called best friend who trusted them enough with their bad experiences.” he pointed out nonchalantly, as I shifted my gaze towards him with a frown. “After today...I...Think the same. I...Just...Wasn’t expecting something like this. What more can I say. I am disappointed. And if that wasn’t enough, my second boyfriend, who was a virgin, saw my own virginity as a prize. And the third pity-dated me. Can it get any worse? Because, if yes, I honestly give up.” I sighed, ruffling my hair, obviously done with life. “Life sure sucks, huh? And most people don’t make it any better. All we can do is get stronger, carry on, and fight our nightmares.” he nodded in agreement, clearly sympathetic. “...I see you’re speaking from experience. I wonder what happened to your eye...It may sound insensitive, but after what I just told you, I don’t think there’s any more need for caution.” I smirked at him with a dark sort of self-deprecation that I could also sense in him. “Well, y’know...Sometimes parents aren’t the safe haven they ought to be.” he shrugged, extinguishing the finished cigarette on the stairs. “I see. Yeah, life sucks. I guess I can see why you become a Gigolo. An attractive guy selling his body for money...By what they said, you are the most popular. I can see why. I feel sorry for you.” I gave him a sympathetic smile that disappeared as fast as it came. “You have a pretty smile, y’know? I always thought that people who can smile despite all they’ve been through are the strongest.” he commented, smiling back. “Is that why you appear to be so cheerful? You’re strong, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too? Wish I was the same. Maybe people won’t find me such an easy target to take advantage of.” I snorted sarcastically, making him chuckle. “It’s a pity people are shit to the few remaining ones who don’t give in to society’s awfulness. But what is a sweet girl like you doing in a shithole like Ergastulum? Doesn’t quite add up.” he asked, getting in a better sitting position. “Life happened. Dad left us, and mum is abroad working to get me enough money to go to university by the end of this year. This place, despite how scary and dangerous it is, was the cheapest place I could afford.” I bit my lip, trying not to worry too much about the future. “I’m sure you’re gonna nail it, so don’t worry too much. You seem like a smart girl, so just study hard and don’t forget to enjoy life. By your standards, not others’.” he smirked, tilting his head towards the door. “You’re funny, Worick. I wish we met under different circumstances.” my voice became lower, only to get interrupted by the door slamming open and the girls leaving the place. “Well, look at you two, lovebirds! You look so cuuuuuuuute! Hey, Gigolo, better take good care of her, got it?! The night is still young for you two! Awesome birthday party, as usual, Y/N, see ya next time!” the girls left, making me blush from embarassment, looking away. “You’ve got very sensible friends.” he muttered ironically, shaking his head. “I’ll...Go tidy the apartment. Maybe I’ll be able to focus on something else. Come one, I’ll warm up some pizza.” I shrugged, getting inside the house. “I didn’t think you’d want me around in your home.” Worick pointed out, leaning on a wall. “You got paid to spend the night with me, correct? Then you’ll do what you got paid for. Keeping me company. You have no idea how refreshing it is talking to someone with some fucking brain in their head.” I plopped down on the couch, putting my feet on the table, turning on the TV to a rock music program and patting the seat next to me for him to join. “It’s an honour to spend time with you.” he chuckled, taking a slice of pizza, leaning back on the couch and mimicking my position.
For the rest of the night, he was gracious enough to help me tidy up and clean everything, and when we were finally done, I went to change in my nightgown, taking a book and getting in bed, only to see the man leaning on the frame of the door awkwardly.
“Ah, yes, how could I forget. Let me find some larger clothes for you to change into.” I put the book down, going to the wardrobe and finding some oversized clothes in which I sometimes sleep. “Are these yours?” he chuckled in amusement. “Yep.Gotta be comfy when you sleep, right?” I shrugged, getting back in bed. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s why I sleep naked.” his grin grew wider, making me frown in confusion. “Sleeping naked is comfy for you?” I put the book on my lap, looking at him for an answer. “Did you try?” he asked smugly. “Yeah. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and anxious the for hours and couldn’t sleep. At 4 AM I couldn’t stand it any longer and I put a nightgown on.” I scratched my cheek, looking away. “That’s adorable. What were you reading?” he asked, getting closer to me. “Get changed and you can come over. I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. You got paid, you deserve better.” I waved my hand at him dismissively, only for him to leave the room, get changed, take the book from my hand, flip through all the pages, and return it. “Ah, Picture of Dorian Gray. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while, thanks for the opportunity, I have to say, I rather appreciate his monologues.” he gave me a shit-eating grin, plopping in bed next to me. “I...You...Huh?! You can’t tell me you just read THIS book, right now, for the first time in your life, by just flipping rapidly through the pages!” my expression was that of pure shock and disbelief, which clearly amused him. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, sweet cheeks.” he smirked, laying his head down on the pillow. “You...You have an extraordinary visual memory?!” I asked in a voice that I wasn’t sure was heard. “You’ve got that right, darling.” he chuckled with a satisfied smile. “...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU A PROSTITUTE?! YOU ARE A GENIUS! YOU COULD DO SO MUCH MORE WITH YOUR LIFE! EARN AN UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY! DO YOU HAVE NO AMBITION AND SAFE-LOVE?!” I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him, until he stopped me. “Calm doooown, Y/N, calm down. Thanks for looking out for me, but life is life. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got all I need here. You, however, have the whole life ahead of you, so don’t waste it like I did.” he advised in a soft voice, making me look at him for a few seconds, before sighing, getting up, and picking another book. “We won’t be seeing each other again, will we? Well, if that’s the case, take this. It’s a thanks for being nice to me today...But promise me you will take your time reading it, unlike now. Rest, relax, drink a hot cup of tea, and read each page carefully. Enjoy it, live it, feel it. Can you promise me that?” I asked, handing him the book. “The Hobbit, huh? Pretty cover, intriguing summary on the back...Fine, Y/N. I can’t 100% promise you, but I will try. Are you really willing to part with this one? It seems special for you.” he asked, more serious this time. “...Maybe sometimes the stupid ideas that your heart gives you are better than the rational ones from your brain. Now go sleep, I want to read.” I looked away from him, opening my book and pretending to read, away from him.
Five minutes passed, then ten, and fifteen, all of them in a deadly silence, almost awkward, until a chuckle split the atmosphere, making me turn around, looking at the man with a confused look.
“Usually, when people read, they turn the page after five minutes. What’s on your mind?” he asked, taking a strand of my hair and loosely twirling it with his finger. “..Well...You’re a stranger. And...We’ve only talked for a few hours. I know it makes no sense to ask this of you, but...I won’t be seeing you tomorrow anyway, so...Uhm...Do you think...I'm...Cold and mean...And unapproachable?” I mutter, looking away from him. “Not at all. I find you very endearing. The quiet ones are always the ones who have the best surprises once you get to know them. People deal with problems differently, it just takes the right person to want to understand you.” he kissed the strand of hair, making me bite my lip and turn off the lap light so my possibly pink cheeks won’t be noticeable. “Great. Thanks for the info. Now...How about you earn the money you got paid? You can do that by holding me and playing with my hair until I fall asleep.” I try to keep my voice from wavering. “You don’t have to put that pretext as a front, I would do that even if I wasn’t paid.” he chuckled lightly, holding me close to his chest, his fingers masterfully soothing my senses as he caressed by hair. “...Thanks.” I muttered, hiding my flustered face in his chest. “I have insomnia and general sleeping problems, including sleep paralysis and nightmares...And the only thing that used to be able to put me to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night would be mum holding me and playing with my hair until I fell asleep.” I confessed, my voice becoming softer and more emotional. “Thank you for trusting me with this precious memory, Y/N. It’s going to be okay. Now close your eyes...Sweet dreams, Y/N.” his peaceful, velvety voice was the last thing I heard before falling into a restful and calm sleep, for the first time in ages.
When morning came and I woke up, the bed was empty on the side that Worick was and I almost feared I imagined the whole thing...Until I noticed a piece of paper on the pillow where he slept.
“You’re a beautiful person, don’t let the darkness take over you. I hope to hear from you again, in the future, under better circumstances. ~ Worick”
To that, a phone number was written, and the first thing that came into my mind was to get that it tattooed on my body so I won’t lose it.  Of course, that will never happen, so I’ll settle for writing it everywhere I can.
For some reason, I wanted to make him proud, and I still had no idea why, so I only called him once a year, on my birthday, and on that day, we would chat on the phone all night, in memory of that night.  Finally leaving Ergastulum to go to University and get a better life for myself was something revolutionary for me, but after over 6 years, I managed to do just that. However, there was something that never left my brain, and that was the platinum haired man that completely changed the way I viewed life and how to approach it.
And I returned to Ergastulum after almost a decade.
I was dressed in a cute dress, and this time, unlike last time, a confident smile was on my face. Even though it’s fake, I adopted the “Fake it till you make it” motto, and nobody has to know about my problems.
I vibe.
Asking around for Worick, I find out he works as the Benriya with another man called Nicolas, who’s a tag, and even better, I got his address, so I knew just where to go.
As I entered the shabby apartment that was, for some reason, unlocked, I see a meek looking woman sitting on the couch, looking down.
“Did Worick get a girlfriend?” I leaned on the wall, a playful smirk on my face. “Wh-What?! G-Girlfriend?! W-Wait, who are you?!” she shot up to her feet, looking at me with big, blue doe eyes, frightened, might I say. “You’re adorable. What’s your name? And can I ask where Worick is? I’ve been told this is where he lives.” I played with a strand of my hair, trying not to intimidate the girl...Too much. “U-Uhm...He...He’s in his room...Who are you, miss?” she asked, trying to get some courage. “A friend, I’d like to think. From about ten years ago. Now, if you’ll excuse me...” I was ready to go look for him, only for a door to open, and the man in cause to appear, wearing only black boxers, and stretching...He obviously just woke up. “Ally? What’s all the noise?” he yawned loudly, rubbing his eyes. “Do you have a cute nickname for me too, Worick?” I smirked at him, as he widened his single eye, his jaw dropping in shock. “Y/N...?” he muttered my name, making me grin widely. “Glad you remember me. It has been quite a while since we’ve seen each other...And you age like fine wine, I’m telling you...You’re a sight for sore eyes.” he chuckled softly, only for him to come and pick me up, spinning a bit, before putting me down, cupping my face and kissing my forehead, leaving me a surprised and flustered mess. “And look at you! Can you get prettier than this? I told ya, you have a beautiful smile!” he grinned childishly, pinching my cheeks, making me yelp in pain and slap his hands away. “Jerk! That hurts! Ahem...Anyway, dear Gigolo, how are you? I heard some stuff about you working with someone named Nicolas...But I doubt her name is Nicolas.” I chuckled, pushing him softly away. “Oh, yes! Y/N, this is Alex, our new friend. You can say she’s kinda...Our secretary? I guess? Anyway, come over, we have a lot to catch up on!” he guided me to his bedroom that was, unsurprisingly, messy. “Wonderful and clean, just as expected. Have you ever thought of opening the window?” I teased him, plopping on his bed that was unexpectedly soft. “You, lazy little vixen...Here. I bought it years ago, after finishing the book you gave me, and I wanted to find out more. Now, I’m giving it to you. Are we even?” he smirked, handing me a copy of Fellowship of the Ring book. “We’d be even if I’d spend the night over as well. And if you gave me drinks and pizza. Basically a date. That will do.” I told him, looking dearly at the book I got gifted, although I already read it before. “My God, since when are you so bold?” he asked, getting on the bed, resting his chin on my knees, looking at me like a happy puppy. “Did you miss me, Worick? I hope you did, otherwise that little piece of paper you left would be incredibly disappointing and misleading.” I pointed out, booping his nose. “I’ve been thinking about you since then. By the looks of it, so did you. Are you sure you want a date with someone like me? You are beautiful, you are brilliant, your attitude in endearing as hell...And I’m still a Gigolo and my life is here, in Ergastulum. Don’t regret it later on.” he asked with a more serious tone, only for me to scoff and pull on his hair playfully. “I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Besides...Unlike you, I don’t need to be paid to spend quality time with you, doing nothing but chilling and chatting.” I teased him, making him laugh, as he plopped next to me, poking my cheek. “Great, problem solved! You’ve got yourself a parasite latching on you. Good luck getting rid of him now.” he grinned cheekily, only for me to cup his face and pull him into a kiss. “Why would I wanna get rid of a parasite this cute? Now shut up and hold me, it’s been ten years and I’m touch starved.” I grinned, nuzzling in the crook of his neck. “Damn, how I missed you.” he held me tightly to his chest, occasionally peppering my face with kisses.
It was definitely worth coming back to this God Forsaken place, even if it is for only one person. There’s place for everyone in this world, and in others’ hearts, and I found my place, in Worick’s warm arms, where I feel safest and most loved.
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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago
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Things Left Unsaid
Daniel x Taylor (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope)
Warnings: Swearing (of course, because Taylor)
Genre: FLUFF
Summary: When Daniel wakes up to find one of his closes girl friends in his bed, snuggled up to him on top of all, in his shirt, on top of that too, he can’t help but admit a thing or two to himself. Too bad he can’t admit it all out loud when the girl’s eyes flutter open.
Requested by my platonic spouse, amazing friend and chaotic fellow cult leader @hopeveon You already know how grateful I am for the request and how sorry I am for not completing it sooner. And you already know how much I love you so ON WITH THE DAYLOR CONTENT! Love, Vy ❤
How did this happen? - Is the first though that passes through a still half-asleep Daniel when he wakes up and finds he’s not tangled in his blankets like he usually is. In fact, the blankets are barely touching him. What little warmth he feels has nothing to do with them, but instead with the other body he appears to be sharing the bed with. The body that just so happens to be snuggled up into his side, head resting on his chest.
The body that has hogged all the blankets.
The second thought, a little less foggy than the previous, comes when said body shifts, causing the blanket to slip and reveal the material of the sleeping attire it’s clad in. That sleeping attire just so happens to be a particularly familiar shirt - his shirt:
Ok, now I gotta now how this happened.
It doesn’t take him a lot of thinking or analyzing to put two and two together and find the identity of the person cuddled up next to him. For starters, he’d never allow anyone else in this position and for seconds - that hair is hard to misidentify.
Taylor
The girl he developed a crush on at the very first glance. The girl he soon sparked a close friendship with - a friendship that he saw as a reason to try an terminate the crush he had on her because he felt it would ruin the amazing connection they had. He was prepared to sacrifice his feelings to keep things between them platonic in fear of losing her completely if he tried to move their relationship up the scale. Problem is, as much as Daniel would like to believe that feelings can so easily be erased, the truth is that the more hits they take the stronger they became. And Taylor hadn’t been helping him much either. Her caring glances, bright smiles, the subtle, probably subconscious touches on his arm. None of that seemed to be as meaningful to her as it was to him, or so he thought.  Daniel would have laughed at himself if he didn’t feel so pathetic - he was the one encouraging his friend Chris to ‘shoot his shot’ and mocked him the countless times he refused and then Taylor entered his life, causing the tables to flip on him.
As time went on though, the tables flipped again and it just so happened to be at a college frat party at the beginning of the year. After two years of friendship, suppressing feelings and desperately trying to beat them out of himself, he was still not the first one to confess anything. A good blow to his ego was that too.
Sitting on the edge of the fountain that was a safe distance away from the fraternity and its chaos, Daniel and Taylor ended up sharing a moment under the starry sky, both way too sober in terms of alcohol, but too drunk on the uncontrollable emotions that were flaring up and spreading throughout them like a wildfire. 
“I feel so childish sometimes.“ She admitted, looking down at her sneakers as she dug the heels of them in the dirt by the fountain, “Always thought I’d grow out of crushes eventually.“
Daniel wasn’t caught off-guard by this, after all, they had been discussing some class gossip to fill in the silence or perhaps to avoid saying something they shouldn’t. The gossip was generally surrounding their classmate Angela and their creative writing professor John, but in all honesty neither of them were interested in it nor did they know a lot about it which is why their conversation ended up straying into personal territory.
“Crushes are not something you grow out of.“ Daniel said in response to that, “They just get easier to deal with. Maybe even easier to confess.“
Taylor shook her head at that, her eyes wide almost as if the statement triggered something in her, “No, no way. They are in no way easier for confessing.”
Despite fully agreeing with this statement, Daniel chooses to play dumb an press the subject further in a teasing manner to cover up just how risky of a topic this is for him, especially when she’s around. “Sounds like you’ve had a personal experience with this struggle. Not one of the brave and the bold, huh?”
“Definitely not! If I were, I would’ve already admitted to you how much I like you.“ She didn’t bother to look at him when she said that, her eyes remained focused on the starry sky above, a small lazy smile playing at her lips.
While she was staring at the stars, the boy sitting next to her was star-struck, head spinning from the sudden confession on her part. He wanted to say something, anything for goodness’ sake! But, alas, he couldn’t. He couldn’t find words in general, let alone the right words to express how he was feeling. Thankfully, humans are more than capable of displaying their emotions through body language as well. 
It’s safe to say Daniel expressed all he felt and more when his lips landed on hers, leading them to share their first kiss in under the moonlight and the shimmering stars while havoc was wreaking less than a block away from them.
After that turning point in their relationship, they have been left in a sort of grey area. You know, the one that’s between platonic and officially romantic. This period that is still the present for the two of them is giving Daniel massive anxieties, doubts, speculations and fears that have kept him sleepless for more nights than he cares to count. He’s never brought it up to Taylor though. Speaking of her, she’s seems rather content, maybe even pleased with their current status of undecided, unlabeled fun. It’s reasonable enough, she was the one to initiate it after all. She said she didn’t like relationships or the label of being someone’s girlfriend, at least not this early on and definitely not in the near future and Daniel respected her view, allowing for their relationship to remain marked with question marks. However, the longer this lasted, the more his intrusive thoughts started to get to him. He’s become apprehensive, overly mindful, doubtful, suspicious and skeptical of every exchange they have. Hell, he hates himself for it but he can’t deny that he’s questioned Taylor’s intentions on more than a few occasions. He knew it was his own fears getting in the way of his rational thinking but he’s only human, he couldn’t help himself.
Taylor didn’t exactly specify why she didn’t want this relationship to be official. She didn’t want to be asked about it either. The two times he had asked she had dodged giving a concrete answer and instead changed the topic, using a vague response as a front to what was going on in her head. Daniel didn’t try and pursue the truth, he knew it had the potential of escalating into an argument, considering Taylor knew how to be rather short-fused.
Little did he know how good of a reason she had.
Every previous relationship she had entered was a train-wreck after a train-wreck. A disaster wrapped in another disaster, often times ending with her and her partner on horrible terms and talking smack behind each other’s backs following the break-up. Since junior year in high school, she hadn’t been in a relationship with a single person she liked liked. It was always a settlement for a person who’d show interest in her first, hoping her feelings would develop as the relationship progressed. Unfortunately, they never did and neither did the relationship - leading to the aforementioned disaster. The few times her and her partner remained friends were considered the successful relationships in her book.
All that taken into account, one would find her reluctance on labeling her relationship with Daniel as official pretty reasonable. She didn’t want to admit her reasoning out loud, thinking it was childish and downright nonsensical, keeping Daniel in the dark about what was going on in her head. This was the first time for her to initiate the start of something of this sort - that in and of itself made this connection between them special. Besides that, this was the first time there was a connection. The first time she liked someone. Liked liked someone. She wasn’t looking forward to starting it just for it to fall apart which is why it took her so long to set it all in motion to begin with. And that’s why now she’s taking things slow. Agonizingly slow. But from her standpoint - perfectly reasonable.
In the middle of his reminiscing, about halfway through his trip down memory lane, he shifts to provide himself a more comfortable position. He was quick to regret that decision though, very very quick, especially when he saw the arm that was previously draped over his chest reach up and run a hand through the short red hair that’s glimmering with the morning rays coming in through the window.
“Shit, sorry for waking you up, T.“ Daniel whispers, his eyes squeezing shut as he cringes at the stutter to his words and the fact he even woke her up, “Go back to sleep, it’s barely 6 AM.“
Taylor shakes his head, surprising him when she ends up snuggling closer to him as though this is a perfectly normal occurrence. “Nah, it’s ok...“ she twists her neck to look up at him, rolling over to have a better view of his face, “You seem like you haven’t been asleep for a while.“
He indeed hasn’t been. He has instead been looking back on all the times they’ve spent together, reading into them and trying to dig out every detail, but he’s of course not gonna say that. She’d probably poke fun at him for being so sentimental and sappy, “No, um, I was just thinking, that’s all.” 
All that thinking did bring something useful to him - the events of last night. How she dropped by to study together and maybe watch a movie on the small crappy TV in his dorm while Andrew is gone for the weekend. How they had started a friendly bicker session regarding their cinematic taste. How they had gotten so close to kissing....when the power went out. Daniel still regrets how much he silently cursed that power shortage - that very shortage happened to be what has led them to this: cuddling together in his bed. Taylor didn’t want to go back to her dorm in the pitch black, not that Daniel was gonna let her do so anyway, so she agreed to stay the night, scolding him for being ridiculous when he offered to sleep on the floor. Oh yeah, she also needed something to sleep in, that’s how she ended up in his shirt. With all the pieces put together, this position of theirs is even more precious in his eyes.
“Thinking bout what? If you keep talking I might end up falling asleep again...“ Taylor presses onward, prying words out of his mouth despite his obvious reluctance.
He can never say no to her, to the point where it’s an actual inconvenience at times, which is why he lets out a long sigh before speaking up again, “Have I ever told you about the first time I caught feelings for you?”
“Nope.“ She mutters, “I’m all ears.“
Daniel inhales deeply, filling his lungs to their upmost capacity as he teleports his mind to that moment two years ago. The moment he first saw her. “It was my third day of classes and I was still in no way an expert at navigating this massive campus so I got lost on my way to the bathrooms in the second building. In my defense, it was my first time there so I couldn’t have found the way even if I was a navigation prodigy.“ He attempts to lighten up the tone with which he’s speaking but to no avail, there’s too much emotion in his voice. The moment he’s describing is too meaningful. “As I was aimlessly roaming the halls in search for any bathroom signs, I heard laughter around the corner. This was a big deal, mind you, cause I hadn’t seen a single soul for a good fifteen minutes. Following the sound, it led me to a group of three people standing by a classroom. You happened to be the only person facing away from me, how ironic.“ He lets out a breathy, humorless chuckle, “Even more ironically, just as I was about to approach your friend group to ask for directions, my roommate popped up out of thin air, calling out my name like the loud doofus he is.“
“Oh yeah I remember. Conrad is a handful. I remember my friends commented on how sorry they felt for you for having to share a dorm with him. You’re lucky he graduated. And by the way, fun fact, since we didn’t know your name we just took to calling you ‘guy in red shirt’. Makes me laugh every time I think back to it“ Taylor snickers, interrupting his story-telling.
“’Guy in red shirt’, huh? I like it. It’s better than Dan, anyway.“ This gets a laugh from her as well, “And that’s when you turned around and that’s when...“
“Wait, that’s it? I turned around and you caught feelings?“ She raises an eyebrow at him, unamused as ever.
“Yes.” No. “That’s when I caught feelings for you.” That’s when I fell in love with you.
Taylor rolls her eyes, resting her head back down on his chest, “Boring! I’m going back to sleep.”
If he could smack himself across the face without looking like an absolute weirdo he would do exactly that. “Sure, probably for the better...” I don’t wanna appear an even bigger idiot than I already have.
And so so many things remain unsaid yet again. But perhaps there will come a day when he’ll admit them to her and not only to himself.
One can only hope.
@artlovingbre  @megandaisy9  @sparrow-gg
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loserswin2 · 4 years ago
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A Matter of Timing (Jerza)
Read on FF or AO3
Erza felt that Jellal had the uncanny ability to always reach her side just in time. So the fact that now of all times is when he decides to be late is quite amusing to her. Or the fic where Jellal is late to witness the birth of not one but two of his children.
“Why don’t you rest for a bit? Today’s been very tiring for you.” Makarov made a motion for Erza to lean back onto the bed. She complied with his request but her eyes did not stray from the tiny bassinet near the bed.
“Did Warren manage to reach him?” She reached out to drag the bassinet as close as possible to the bed and she relaxed when her two sleeping babies entered her line of sight.
“Yes. Jellal is trying to get back as fast as possible. It doesn’t help that the client is being difficult.” Makarov gave an angry huff. “Mirajane is asking other guilds if they’ve worked with the client before filling out a letter of complaint to send to the Council. The client’s request was out of line and should have never been given to the guild.” What had been a simple escort mission that should have finished in two days had turned into a complicated mess. She didn’t know all the details and all she really cared about was that it had taken her husband away from her when she needed him most.
Erza bit her lip. It wasn’t entirely the client’s fault. Jellal had been reluctant to leave her side, especially this late in her pregnancy, and was initially going to refuse the request but she had insisted he take it. It was rare for clients to request Jellal’s aid as there were still some people who weren’t convinced he had earned his pardon. After several assurances that she would be fine as members of the guild would be on hand to check on her and that there wasn’t much to worry about as her due date was a month away, he left for his mission.
She knew something was wrong when he didn’t call home to check in. He always checked in, even if a mission was only going to take a day to complete. She felt he did that to remind himself that he had her to come home to now and that the life they’ve built together is not a dream but a reality.
Makarov had sent Meredy, Erik, and Sawyer to go to the town the mission was located in and everyone was unsettled when they were able to send a quick report back that the town was surrounded by a barrier that blocked people from entering and from communicating with those outside the town. They were positive Jellal was inside though as Erik had been partially able to hear Jellal’s thoughts. It had been a week since that report and the unease in Erza’s gut hadn’t settled.
It wasn’t uncommon for missions to run into complications and to take longer than usual but ever since Erza and Jellal had gotten together, they rarely, if ever, took long missions. Erza hadn’t ever thought of herself as a clingy person before but the fear that the universe would find a way to tear them apart again had her seeking shorter missions so she could quickly return to his side. She knew he felt the same and that the fear would never go away.
A whimper from the bassinet broke her out of her thoughts. She looked over to see one of the babies with a disgruntled look on his face which quickly went away when she reached out a hand to stroke his face to calm him. She softly smiled when the baby quieted down and turned to face his brother. She hadn’t had the time to process the shock of twins as her mind had been completely distracted by the pain of labor.
“I have to say, Erza,” Makarov’s voice was hushed but filled with warmth, “You and Jellal have made some adorable children.” He peered closer into the bassinet and said with a laugh, “Even if they did come rather early.”
She blushed. She knew he was referring to the fact that twins were born earlier than singletons but a part of her knew that he and the rest of the guild still made jokes about how quickly Erza had gotten pregnant. She and Jellal quietly married soon after her team had finished the 100-year quest and settled into a modest house on the outskirts of Magnolia. A few weeks later, they had found out that Erza was pregnant after she uncharacteristically burst into tears in the guildhall after Natsu had made a remark on her strange new eating habits. After seeing Porlyusica and breaking the news to the guild, everyone made sly remarks about now knowing why the two of them were never at the guildhall anymore but it didn’t distract from the sheer joy Jellal and Erza radiated at the prospect of starting a family.
“I’ll go inform the rest of the guild that we now have two new Fairy Tail members.” Makarov began making his way to the door. Only he, Wendy, and Porlyusica had been in the infirmary with her and she had refused to allow anyone else to see her children before Jellal did. She was surprised that none of the members had tried to force their way inside and figured that they were all behaving for once. Though it could also be that they were still terrified of an Erza ruled by pregnancy hormones. “Warren might have some more news on where your husband is.”
“Thank you, Master.” Erza gave a small bow before sitting back on the bed. Wendy had healed her earlier but she was still absolutely exhausted.
“Please get some rest, Erza. You know Jellal always finds his way back to you,” Makarov said before leaving. Though Makarov had tried to reassure her, Erza’s worry would only disappear once Jellal was by her side. The silence in the room only served to remind her that he wasn’t.
She turned to the bassinet and remembered what had transpired only a few hours ago. She’d endured many painful experiences in her lifetime but nothing could have prepared her for the pain of childbirth. It had felt worse with Jellal’s absence though her tears of pain had turned to tears of joy once her children were placed in her arms. Their hair shared the same shade of blue as Jellal and when they had briefly opened their eyes earlier, she saw they had her brown eyes. After briefly being looked over by Wendy and Porlyusica and declared perfectly healthy, they slept peacefully in the bassinet and hadn’t woken up since.
“Your father is running a bit late,” she whispered to the twins. “He’s usually not like this. He’s much more punctual than I am.” If Erza was to compare all her failures, she knew a majority of them were caused by her tardiness.
She had been too late to save Jellal from being brainwashed.
She had been too late in figuring that Siegrain and Jellal were the same.
She had been too late to stop Jellal from casting the self-destruction spell.
If she had been on time, maybe she could’ve spared them all the heartache. Whereas, Jellal’s timing, in her opinion, was much better.
He had arrived on time to save her from the dragons during the Eclipse Gate fiasco.
He had arrived on time to help liberate Hargeon Port from the Alverez forces.
He had arrived on time to save her and Wendy from Acnologia’s attack.
She knew if she were to tell these thoughts to her husband, he would disagree and insist that in the end, all that mattered was that they saved each other. That their mismatch in timing wasn’t something she should be concerned with and if anything, it meant they balanced each other out. Having a confident Jellal that was so positive about their future together was something she was still getting used to and reminded her of their time at the Tower, back when he was a bright-eyed boy and she a lost and confused girl who looked to him for strength. They’ve grown and changed since then but they were still quintessentially them and she was infinitely grateful that they found their way back to each other.
“I guess it’s only fair that he’s late this time since I’m so early. He can’t always be perfect,” she amusedly remarked. She recalled the few times a drunk Lucy and Levy had told her how lucky she was for having such a perfect husband and had wisely refrained from telling them all the stupid things Jellal has done.
She was content to just stare at her children until he arrived and she perked up when she felt the trace of his Meteor spell outside the window. He must’ve sped past everyone in the guild because in the next moment he was opening the door.
“Erza.” His eyes quickly looked her over before they were glued to the bassinet in front of her. From where he was standing, she knew he couldn’t see the babies. She felt the uneasiness in her gut disappear as she scanned him from head to toe and saw that he was alright aside from the minor cut on his forehead.
“You’re here.” She wanted to get up and go to him but she didn’t have the energy. He seemed to read her mind as he went to go wash his hands in the sink near the door before quickly making his way toward her. When he was close to the bed, she rushed into his arms and he held her tightly.
“I’m sorry for taking so long.” She didn’t realize she was trembling until she registered his hand running up and down her back to soothe her. “Are you okay?”
She pulled herself together and nodded. “I am now.” She leaned back and pressed her lips to his in a kiss that she hoped would convey the sheer mess of emotions that rattled inside of her since his departure. She ended the kiss before it could get out of hand like it usually did when one of them came back from a mission and muttered, “You missed a lot. Come meet your children.”
“Wha--” She laughed at how speechless Jellal was at seeing not one, but two babies in the bassinet.
She reached out to take his hand and gently stroked his palm while she explained. “Wendy kept hearing echoes of a heartbeat but didn’t think that could mean I was having twins. She’s really sorry about making the mistake and offered to babysit them whenever we want. We should probably take her up on that offer sometime. I’ve been told that twins are a handful.”
He grabbed both of her hands and stared at her with tears streaming down his face. She would never get tired of being able to see the love that shone freely from his eyes. “Erza, I…thank you,” he choked out.
She felt herself tearing up as well. She murmured, “I should be saying that to you.” They stared at each other for a few moments longer, hearts full of gratitude and love. They had taken a long and painful road to get to where they were now but it was fine as it brought them here. “Do you want to hold them?” she asked, freeing a hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks. He nodded and she arranged his arms in the correct position to hold them.
Once she safely deposited both babies into his arms, he whispered, “They’re so small.”
She rearranged the babies’ blankets, making sure they were covered and warm, and said, “Porlyusica said they’re the right size for twins and for being born early. They’re healthy as well so there’s nothing to worry about there. And it’s a good thing we couldn’t decide between those two boy names because now we can use both.”
He chuckled, probably remembering when she would spend a whole day declaring one name to be perfect for their child before deciding the next day that the other name was the better choice. “I do love that they have my hair color but I kind of wish they had yours.”
“Maybe the next one will.” Though Erza had grown up with the guild and Jellal had grown up with the people at the Tower, they had still largely kept to themselves and basically grew up alone. They decided they wanted a large family and that their children would never know what it was like to be alone and unloved.
“I’m still sorry I was late and missed everything. I promised to hold your hand forever at our wedding, remember?”
“I think I would’ve broken your hand. Labor was awful.”
“It would have been worth it.”
She hummed in agreement and looked down at the babies who had begun to squirm in Jellal’s hold. “Besides, you weren’t late at all.”
He gasped as the twins both opened their eyes to see their father for the first time.
“I think our sons will agree with me and say you came back like you always do, right on time.”
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maluminspace · 5 years ago
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Genre: Fluff
Pairings: Luke Hemmings/FTM Reader
Word Count: 2k
Requested by: @wildmalumflower
Please could you write a soft Luke fic? Maybe a cute anniversary date or something?
Trigger Warnings: strong language, vague references to past deadnaming, misgendering and transphobia.
A/N: I was overwhelmed by the love that my last FTM fic got, so of course I am back with more for my Andy! <3 Thank you to @h0tsos​ for helping me decide on the song for this! Title taken from ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ by INXS
***
“This is too much, Luke!” You gasp as you step into the huge, spacious hotel room.
The first thing that grabs your attention is the ornate, four poster bed set against the wall just to your right. A very large window and glass door in front of you reveal a large balcony that overlooks the city. Other notable contents of the room include a little sitting area (complete with a wall-mounted flat screen TV, cozy sofa and fluffy rug), the largest wooden wardrobe you’ve ever seen and what you’re sure is a jacuzzi bathtub, just visible through the open bathroom door.
In fact, the whole décor screams ‘overpriced’ and borderline pretentious but the romantic gesture from your boyfriend means the whole world to you. Plus you’re pretty hopeful that you’ll get to use the balcony and bathtub to tick a few things off of your ‘sex bucket list’ later.
“Well three years is a big deal!” Luke grins as he wheels the suitcase over to the far corner of the room near the large window. “I never thought I’d find anyone that would put up with me for that long.”
Your heart instantly melts at the soft look on your boyfriend’s face as he stares out of the window at the pretty cityscape below. He’s never loved himself much, in fact - that was part of what you’d bonded over. You’d never been a big fan of yourself either. The two of you had been searching for someone to reassure you, to love you for you are. Your own quest had been a subconscious one, you hadn’t even realised that’s what you’d needed until this lanky dork had shyly approached you at a mutual friend’s birthday party.
Over the years you’d been together, you’d learnt that Luke’s search for self acceptance had started with him sleeping around. He’d made no secret of the fact that he’d gone to bed with pretty much anyone that had expressed the slightest interest in him. Despite thinking that sex would eventually lead to love, it turned out to be nothing but a distraction from his everyday life.
The fact that Luke had always been so open and honest with you about his past made it easy for you to open up to him too. Following your initial attraction to him, you’d been determined to start your relationship off with the truth. You’d started your first date by coming out to him as a trans man. It’d been a deal-breaker for so many other people in the past, but Luke had simply taken your hand and smiled softly. He’d told you that you were the hottest guy at the party the previous night and he just couldn’t believe you’d agreed to meet him. You’re pretty sure that was the moment you’d fallen in love with him. That was three years ago and the feeling hadn’t faded one bit.
Stepping over to the window, you wrap one arm around Luke’s waist and cuddle into his side. “How many times do I have to tell you that you deserve to be loved, Hemmings.” You huff, nestling under his arm, revelling in his familiar scent and warmth.
He lets out a weak chuckle and hugs you close, almost as if he’s scared you’ll slip away from him if he doesn’t hold on tight enough. “I’m just still in shock that you haven’t ran for the hills yet, precious.” He explains, stroking your shoulder gently through the faded denim of your jacket. “I mean, you’re literally perfect and I’m still a bit of a screw up.”
Jabbing Luke gently in the ribs you lift your head to fix him with a stern glare. “You’re my screw up, Lukey, you always be.” You insist, “And I am so far from perfect... People still misgender and deadname me all the fucking time. I can’t even get the world to see me for who I am.”
Luke cups your cheek in one large hand as he turns to face you, lowering his head until the tip of his nose is pressed to yours. There’s a fierceness burning in his usually soft blue eyes, the same glint that appears every single time you disagree with him about how much of an amazing person you are. “Other people’s ignorance and stupidity has no reflection on you. None of that has anything to do with you being a perfect human being.” He whispers, yet his determination and absolute unwavering belief in his words are still all-too-clear. “You’re kind, honest, generous, funny, smart and have more love to give than anyone else i’ve ever known! Those are the things that make you perfect.”
A tiny subconscious smile curls the corners of your lips. “Is that all? I’m pretty sure you forgot a couple of reasons actually…”
Luke arches one of his golden eyebrows, a silent urge for you to continue. 
“Well, the fact that I make the best pancakes on earth has to count, right?” You giggle, pecking a kiss to Luke’s lips. 
When he pulls away a moment later, your boyfriend rests his forehead against yours, his unruly caramel coloured curls falling into your face and tickling your cheeks. “You’re right, precious… That definitely strengthens your position.”
“Speaking of positions…” You smirk cheekily. “I refuse to believe that you’ve ever had anyone that can 69 better than me.”
Luke laughs, running one hand down your arm until he can tangle his fingers through yours. “I’ve always told you that you’re the best at that.” He agrees easily. “I’m glad it was so easy for me to convince you how amazing you are.”
Despite the fact that you’ll never be able to fully rid your mind of the doubts that years of terrible experiences have buried within you, it’s getting easier to remind yourself that you’re not all bad afterall. You only have Luke to thank for that and you’ll happily spend the rest of your life showing him how grateful you are to have him.
“Room service will be here in about an hour.” Luke whispers into the comfortable silence that had settled over you both. “I thought we could eat out on the balcony, it overlooks the whole city.”
You tilt your head just enough to look out of the large window at the view beyond it. The sun is setting over the city, casting a warm orange glow over the impressive buildings and the seemingly endless tangle of roads. It really is an incredibly beautiful sight. 
“It’ll look even prettier when it's all lit up after dark!” Luke rambles, apparently feeling the need to convince you that he’s planned everything out well.
“It already looks gorgeous, Luke.” You smile softly, turning back to capture his lips in another kiss. “The view in here is even better, though. You know I love how pretty you look at sunset.” 
A slight blush heats Luke’s cheeks as he kisses you back a little more enthusiastically. “Not as beautiful as you, precious.” He mumbles between kisses.
“Hey if we have an hour to kill until our food gets here, do you fancy testing out this massive bed with me?” You ask, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively, jabbing your thumb in the direction of the fancy four poster bed you’d noticed when you first walked into the room.
“I plan to put that to very good use later, but there’s something I want to do first.” Luke smiles bashfully. “Before we both get too drunk on champagne, I want to do this.” He pecks a kiss to the end of your nose before pulling his phone from his pocket. He taps away on the screen for a few moments before the unmistakable intro to ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ by INXS begins to play through some unseen speakers. That’s probably why it’d taken him a little while, he was connecting his phone to the sound system. “We have to dance to our song on our anniversary, it’s tradition!”
Luke’s eyes twinkle in the dying light, just as they had done when he’d walked you home from your first date. This song had been playing in a bar across the road from your apartment building when he’d finally plucked up the courage to kiss you goodnight. You’d insisted that he sing it with you a few weeks later when you’d taken him to a karaoke bar on a date. A few months after that you’d danced to it together at his cousin’s wedding reception. Luke had also insisted that it be the first song you listened to together on your first night after moving in with him. It was undeniably your song, something special that ran through the fabric of your entire relationship, always reminding you of significant moments in your journey together.
Taking Luke’s hand, you allow him to pull you into his chest before you follow his lead, swaying clumsily to the song. “I love you, precious.” He whispers, just loud enough for you to hear over the music. “You know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, don’t you?”
You nod, knowing that now is not the time to dwell on all of the reasons why you think that Luke deserves so much more than you. “Who knows how you’d cope without my talented mouth and skills in the kitchen, eh?” You giggle, still unable to take the compliment properly.
Luke rolls his eyes fondly before resting his cheek on the top of your head. “I’m trying to have a serious moment with you, dorkface.” He mumbles, although his tone is much softer than he undoubtedly means it to be.
“I’m sorry, I'll Shut up now.” You promise, snuggling into your ridiculously tall boyfriend. 
The two of you sway together slowly for a few moments in silence, before Luke pulls enough to meet your gaze. “I mean it y’know.” He mumbles, his cheeks flushing again. “Every time I tell you that you mean the world to me.” Luke clarifies. “I sort of think it’s about time I show you how serious I am, rather than just using words all the time.”
You’re more than a little confused by his statement. “You show me all the time, Luke.” You reassure him. “Like when you take a ten minute detour on your way home from work at least once a week, just to pick up my favourite chocolate cupcakes from that fancy bakery. Surprises like this trip count, too!”
“I’m talking about something more permanent than cupcakes and weekend trips, precious.” Luke clarifies. 
When you offer him nothing more than a confused expression as a response, Luke takes both of your hands in one of his before reaching into the pocket of his jeans with the other. “I was gonna wait until we were eating our fancy meal out on the balcony to do this…” He sighs nervously. “But this moment feels much more fitting.”
Before you can even comprehend what’s happening, Luke drops down on one knee, still holding your hands in one of his as he lifts the other to reveal a tiny black box. “Luke!” You gasp, wriggling one of your hands free of his grasp in order to cover your gaping mouth with it.
He whispers your name as tears well in his eyes when he opens the box to reveal a simple gold band. “Will you marry me?”
Tears are streaming down your own face as you drop to ground, wrapping both arms around Luke and almost knocking the ring from his hand. Your throat feels so thick with emotion that you’re pretty sure you’re not able to form words, so you nod frantically, hoping that’ll be a good enough answer.
Luke must realise that your silent gesture is the best he can hope for in the moment, as he takes the ring from the box and backs up just enough to give him space to slide it onto your finger. “I’m sorry I couldn’t wait, I…”
You cut him off with a kiss, holding his face tenderly, not caring about how his damp cheeks are making your hands wet. 
When you finally pull apart for air, Luke meets your gaze, staring into your eye like he’s never seen anything more beautiful. “You’ve just made me the happiest guy in the universe.” He whispers, his voice still thick with tears.
You smile back at him, hoping that you can convey every ounce of love you have for him through that lingering moment of eye contact. “I think that’s me, actually…”
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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago
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Survey #369
“so close, no matter how far  /  couldn’t be much more from the heart  /  forever trusting who we are  /  and nothing else matters”
What are three emotions you experience regularly? Sadness, shame, and stress. Is there someone right now whom you really wish would care for you? -___- Does your job allow visible tattoos? I don’t have a job, but quite honestly, I probably wouldn't take a job that didn't. I just love tattoos a lot and plan on having many, and ignorance and old-fashioned bullshit isn't gonna stop me. Do you know anyone that’s transgender? Yes. Do you think dress codes are unfair? In some places, like schools, yes. Are in a relationship? Tell me about it. I'm not. How is your road rage? I don't have road rage. By god does my sister, though. Favorite cosmetic brands? I don't wear makeup nearly enough to have a preference. The beach or the pool? The pool. I hate the feeling of sand, plus the salty wind and heat. Manga or anime? Anime. Favorites for manga? I've never read any. It's tempting to read Deadman Wonderland since it continues off the very short anime, but I just don't want to. Manga isn't my style. Favorites for anime? Fullmetal Alchemist (including Brotherhood), Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. Favorite academic subject? English. A card game that you’re good at? I'm not exceptionally good at any. Do you eat breakfast? Pretty much always. A popular book you haven’t read yet? To Kill A Mockingbird, to name one I feel like everyone had to read in school. Do you like sweaters? I'm an oversized hoodie person, really. I don't like the look of zippers. Do you like sushi? Never tried it, never will. Do you wear prescription glasses? Yes. I badly need a new pair, because I can't see for shit. Generally, are you more likely to blame others or yourself for problems you experience? Myself. What is one thing about your life that you don’t ever see changing, even if you might wish it would? I have a feeling I'll always have some degree of social anxiety. I'm sure there are other things just not coming to me. At what point in your life have you been the most social or had the most friendships? And at which point have you been the least social? I had the most friends in my childhood years, probably. Or high school when I actually had a friend group. I'm sure I was most social as a kid in elementary school, not dealing with my social anxiety. I've been the least social like... now, honestly. I go essentially nowhere and have very few friends. Do you prefer to have a few close friends or a bunch of random acquaintances? Which would describe what you have now? I want close friends. I have like... two or so close friends and a handful of acquaintances. I don't know which I have "more" of when you consider the actual level of friendship/"quality" I guess. Do you journal? Generally, what do you write about? Do you find it helpful to get your thoughts out that way, or do you prefer another form of self-expression? I don't actually journal, but you could consider these surveys my "journal." I guess it's kinda why I do them so frequently? Like it lets me get stuff that's going on out, so I find it kinda therapeutic versus keeping all my thoughts jumbled up in my head. Have you ever been somewhere and REALLY didn't like a food that you were expected to eat? How did you deal with this? Are you someone who is likely to suck it up and be polite or refuse and save your taste buds? To start off, I am VERY bad at sucking it up and eating something I don't like. My gag reflex is very strong, and I'm also extremely sensitive to textures I don't like, so my reactions are just very involuntary. I can try to subdue my expression when I dislike something, buuut that's extremely difficult. But anyway, yes, I've been to places where I definitely disliked the food, especially this one occasion where we went to a local Southern cooking restaurant that literally ASSUMED you want the staple foods and sweet tea, none of which I enjoy. While everyone else was eating, I just very awkwardly sat there doing nothing and pretty much panicking over looking rude. Thank god, Ashley's father-in-law noticed and called over the waiter for me to actually order something, the way it should be. I was very thankful but still felt bad. What is one way in which you compare yourself to others? In this comparison, do you regard yourself as better or worse off than the people to whom you usually do the comparing? I am very bad and comparing successes with others, but only in ways that demeans me. Like I look at others and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?" It always leads to anger and disgust of myself. What is something you’ve been particularly grateful for lately? I've thought a lot lately about how thankful I am to have my mom. She does so very much for me, and I don't think I could absolutely ever repay her in full. I wish I could. She's a damn superhero. What kind of change or opportunity would be the biggest help in your life right now? I was initially going to say getting a job, but thinking about it, getting to my goal weight might be an even greater help. It would help my leg pain, not having to carry as much around, I'm sure my hyperhidrosis wouldn't be as bad (I hope), and it would MASSIVELY affect my happiness. Like I cannot tell you how negatively my weight has damaged my self-esteem, confidence, and peace with myself. Is there one emotion that you experience more often than any other? Is there an emotion you rarely ever experience? I'd say I experience stress more than anything. I'm always thinking of something that's causing a ruckus in my life. A rare emotion for me is uhhhh jealousy, even though I've dealt with it more lately. What is one illness you are afraid of having? Do you know anyone who has faced this illness? The disease that I think scares me more than any is Alzheimer's/dementia. I just... cannot possibly imagine. How do you tend to behave when you’re sick? What kinds of things do you like people to do for you, if anything, to help you feel better? I'm very mopey and tired, and I can be a bit more irritable. I really, really appreciate help with things like chores when I'm not feeling well. When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Were other people proud of you as well? Does it matter to you whether or not other people care about your accomplishments, or is your own satisfaction enough? It's a very small thing, but I weaned down from having two cans of soda a day to just one. Mom is proud of me for it, which I appreciate a lot. Admittedly, it does kinda matter to me that those who know it's a big deal to me see and care about my accomplishments. I'm bad about needing external validation. What is your least favorite thing about the season you’re currently experiencing? Are you okay with most types of weather, or are you only happy under certain conditions? Ugh, the heat. Spring and summer are miserable to me because I veeery much love the chilly weather and no damn humidity. Have you made any changes to your style or “look” lately? How often do you change your appearance, hairstyle, fashion, etc? Or is it a pretty constant thing? No; my style is pretty constant. What was the last thing you felt hopeful about? Do you think there’s a good chance of whatever-it-is working out in your favor, or not so much? Getting a job at the tattoo parlor. I'm fearful that they won't be open to the position I'd like, so I'm trying to not get my hopes up too high. We'll find out in two days. Have you ever “recovered” from anything? What does “recovery” mean or look like to you? Yes, a traumatic breakup. I'd say recovery is just healing as much as possible from something, be it physical or emotional. What are some ways your childhood differed from those of others around you? Do you think this difference was harmful or advantageous in the long run? My dad was an alcoholic, if that qualifies. That definitely isn't a *normal* thing for someone's childhood. I think it was harmful, honestly, especially because I've had more than a few nightmares about my dad drunk. When was the last time you did something out in nature? Do you notice a dip in your mood when you don’t get enough of the Great Outdoors? Oh jeez... Probably not since Sara and I went catfishing with my dad. I wandered around with her some as she ventured for toads, haha. I don't really notice a dip in my mood, just because I'm so used to being indoors. I do prefer getting some time with nature, it's just hard and uncomfortable with how easy I sweat, and my knees sure do cuss me the fuck out in the form of a billion cracks if I walk much (by my standards...). What did you dream about last night? I had two dreams, but I only remember one, in which a giant green tree python was eating me backwards so I was conscious through it all. No hard feelings, I still want one as a pet, haha. They're GORGEOUS snakes and no, absolutely cannot eat you even if it tried its damnedest. What were your childhood dreams? To be a paleontologist, then a vet. What are your dreams now? If we're talking career-wise, to be a nature and wildlife photographer that gets to travel a lot. What are some Halloween costumes you would like to wear in the future? I've mentioned that #1 on my list is Ms. Oogie Boogie, then uhhhh... wow, I'm surprised I'm blanking, because I know there are lots I've thought of. Were you born with hair on your head? Yes. Would you rather have a home birth or hospital birth? I'm not having kids, but holy mother of fuck I'd have my baby at a hospital with a goddamn epidural. I do NOT know how some people can do it naturally, bigass props to them. Do you currently live in the house you grew up in? No. If not, what do you miss about it?^ It was just in general a nice house, the best one we've lived in. We had a pretty big yard too, so lots of room to play around as kids. What’s your favorite type of yogurt? I'm not a big yogurt person, really. What were your high school’s team colors? Red and white. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Girt, Maria, Megan, Dennis, Dakota... What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? A tarantula. *puppy eyes emoji* Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? If so, what? English courses were very easy for me, and I was pretty good with science. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? Not like, a whole grade, but I surpassed Writing I in my last college endeavor and started out in Writing II instead. What’s your favorite rock band? Oh brother, you can't ask me this. Who’s your favorite country singer? I consistently like Tim McGraw a bit. How many drawers does your dresser have? My dresser is unnecessarily big. There's like five or six. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? Yes. One of my favorite pictures I've taken was at Ashley's gender reveal for Emerson; even she didn't know. When her husband pulled the fog thing and it was pink, her expression was just priceless. Was your first car used or new? I haven't had my first personal car. How did you discover your favorite band? By going through my mom's CDs when I was getting into rock music. Ozzy was the first truly metal and not rock band that I ventured into. What was the last big decision you made? BIG decision... I don't know. Probably dropping out of college. What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? I love window shopping for pets online, haha. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? A political stance. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Oh yikes, it's been more than a while... It may have been Girt? In which case we probably watched TV or played board games together. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Jason just loves to show up in my dreams more than anyone else. I don't really wonder that, no. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I wish I could tell Bryar (Jason's friend I got in a fight with) I misunderstood something he said to me ("martyr" has two different definitions, and I somehow didn't know the modern one at the time) that made me seem like an absolute, attention-seeking bitch. It's so fucking embarrassing to look back on, because I agreed with him because I thought he meant it as I would die for my beliefs, which is true. What worries you most about your future? Whether or not I'll ever be in the physical shape I want to be in again. Or if I'll have a stable job. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? Find distractions, like funny YouTube videos. I also engage in deep breathing and grounding methods. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? Oh my god, in elementary school, we read a book where everything a boy touched turned to chocolate. Weird book. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? Other people, definitely. I like having someone to talk to and comment on what we're watching. There's nothing I won't watch alone. What was the subject of the last video you watched? It was a let's play.
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thronesofshadows · 4 years ago
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Adagio e dolce || Nicole & Evelyn
TIMING: September 10th LOCATION: For The Record PARTIES: @nicsalazar and @thronesofshadows SUMMARY: The best place for the start of an unlikely friendship is a music shop.
Nicole stood anxiously outside “For the record”, hands clasped behind her back while she tried to get a peek inside through the shop’s windows. It didn’t look too busy, partly helping to ease her nerves. There were many places in White Crest she hadn’t visited, even staples of the town like Al’s diner she had managed to avoid in four years. She had walked by the music store dozens of times, stood there --often drunk-- and just listened to whoever was playing, even when she couldn’t always see the person responsible for the sounds, but never went inside. Evelyn’s offer was hard to decline. It gave her the opportunity to reconnect with a side of her she had long forgotten. She was too busy pondering on all the ways things could go wrong that evening, she barely noticed the woman approaching. Tearing her gaze away from the window only when her presence was hard to ignore, Nicole found herself next to a stranger who definitely looked like she had been a model at some point in her life. Had to be her.  “Evelyn, right?”.
It had been a while since Evelyn had spontaneously met up with someone, but her conversations with Nicole on the internet had been nice - simple almost, though in the best way. She had never so much craved simplicity before, but she had found that she did now - at least on occasion. The other woman intrigued her, and though Evelyn was not an expert on the town, she was aware of various other businesses about town and when the other woman had mentioned music, she figured - why not take this as an excuse to get to know her better and go and explore a shop that she did not go to all too often. After parking a couple blocks away, she made her way over to the store, a pleasant smile crossing her face as she saw someone waiting outside. Evelyn paused for a moment, though before she could inquire after the woman’s name, she had asked Evelyn. Another positive point in her favor, and Evelyn grinned. “I am indeed. Which means that I presume you are Nicole.” She moved towards the entryway to the store. “Shall we? I have heard that seeing things more up close and personal does wonders, after all.”
There was a special kind of relief when she realized she had addressed the right person, and so Nicole let herself muster a small smile. It would’ve been embarrassing to speak to a stranger. “Yeah, that’s me” with a curt nod, she spared a few glances at the woman, careful not to linger too long. Instead, the vinyl compilation on display suddenly looked very interesting. Her fists balled up unsure whether to reach out for a handshake or leave it at that. She turned to Evelyn again, “It’s nice--nice to meet you”, as tense as she felt, her words were honest. If she was able to speak to Evelyn with half the ease she did over the internet, she knew they would have a good evening. “Right...yes” she stepped to the side, waiting for Evelyn to enter the shop first. The glass windows didn’t do the store justice. Even if she had hated music, she would’ve been impressed by the beauty of the store. Her lips curved into a genuine smile. “Feels weird actually being inside” she turned to Evelyn once she realized she was mumbling to herself. “I’ve passed...can’t remember how many times” she omitted the part where she was wasted almost all of those times. The soft ambient music helped soothe her nerves, and when she found Evelyn’s eyes again, she was more confident. “You said you played piano growing up, right?”.
So her apprehension online had played into real life too. Evelyn made a vague note of that, though it was mostly irrelevant as she had no particular inclination to feed off of the other woman. “Pleasure.” She gave the woman another small nod, doing her best to appear comforting, at least slightly so. “It is lovely to meet you as well.” She relaxed her posture, wondering if she should have worn one of her pairs of jeans and a sweater instead of the dress and heels that she had chosen. It was too late to change that now, and useless to focus on that. Instead, she would focus her attention on Nicole, on meeting someone knew. She entered the shop and waited for Nicole to follow her before she nodded at the other woman’s words. “Oh yeah? Well, you work outside,” she bit her lip, “sorry, that was a horrible joke. This is why I ought to not make them so very often, I think.” She glanced around the shop before focusing on the woman’s words, her gaze soft. “I did. For quite a while. I think my father just figured it was something I should do. I mean, it makes me quite the stereotype, does it not? Rich girl, privately tutored, played piano in her home? I feel like something out of a children’s storybook sometimes, when I lay it all out.” She made her way over to a corner where a bunch of guitars were carefully propped up. “You played guitar, right?”
“Yeah” Nicole nodded absentmindedly at the question, but as the woman continued to speak she made sure to turn her attention away from the records she had been eyeing. She looked at Evelyn for what felt like minutes –in reality, only a few seconds– , her brain slowly processing the joke she had heard. Her mouth opened when it dawned on her. “Ah– cause...get it” while her eyebrows remained furrowed in confusion, a short but real laugh escaped her lips. “It was good,” she reassured her. She appreciated the attempt at lightening the mood, help break the ice. In her eyes, the joke had been perfect. She couldn’t say she was the best judge though, her attempts at humor often failed. She trailed behind Evelyn, listening to her speak. Her eyebrows rose, growing curious at some of the words she was choosing. Didn’t sound like a particularly fond memory. “Was it–” was she allowed to ask? She would hate to make her uncomfortable, especially since Nicole hated to be in the receiving end of personal questions, “you enjoyed it? Or…” she let out a sigh, blinking slowly. “I did” despite confirming, she didn’t feel like looking at her companion. “Think mom taught all of us” or was it her grandma? Her fingers traced the side of a guitar, hiding her annoyance at the haziness of the memory.
“I do not think it was, but I quite appreciate your saying so.” Evelyn found it incredibly easy to talk to Nicole - which was not a complete surprise, but a certain sort of comfort regardless. “I have been told that I do not get jokes so very easily.” Her mind wandered to Alain for a moment, before she pushed the thought out of her mind. Now was not the time to focus on pasts that she could not change. She was intent on making a good first impression, and while Nicole did not appear to be the sort of person who was quick to judge, Evelyn had no intentions of coming off as anything but her usual and pleasant self. “Playing the piano?” Evelyn glanced over at the other woman. “I did. I found it calming, it helped with the bouts of anxiety that I had as a child.” Bouts of anxiety my father made up as an excuse to keep me away from much of the world. Not that Nicole needed to know that. “I find the repetition incredibly calming.” Nicole’s gaze had left hers a bit ago and Evelyn bit her lip, still present and listening to the other woman. “That must have been lovely. Or it sounds as such.” She gave a nod at the instrument under the woman’s fingertips. “Go on, pick it up if it calls to you.” She grinned.
“Story of my life” Nicole was certain that since becoming human again, her brain didn’t work quite the same as it did before. She nodded to confirm, expecting Evelyn to expand on her experience. Tilting her head, she listened attentively, her smile slowly disappearing as her expression turned somber. “Oh...I--the repetition, yeah” clenching her jaw, she briefly glanced at Evelyn, her chest feeling heavy. She wished she could say she understood, that she was sorry for what she had experienced as a child. It would’ve been easier on the internet. Unsure she would be eloquent enough to say what was going through her head, she bit the inside of her cheek, nodding quietly. Maybe she could ask her to play something later, when the piano --currently occupied by a kid-- was free. With a fond smile on her lips, she nodded, reminiscing of countless family weekends where her mom’s music would be the life of the party. Simpler times. Noticing her eyes began to water, she blinked furiously to stop it before she could embarrass herself in front of Evelyn. She turned around, searching for any indication that she wasn’t allowed to touch things before releasing the instrument from the hanger. Positioning her left hand underneath the neck, her right thumb brushed the strings tentatively. “Was piano the only thing you played? Never got a hand on one of these?”
“Well, there we have it. I knew there was a reason we had fallen into easy conversation.” Evelyn grinned. “It is completely fine!” She didn’t know exactly why she was calming someone who was still almost a complete stranger, but far more bizarre things had gone on in the last few months that she hardly dwelled too much on it. She followed Nicole’s gaze to the piano, where a small child was currently banging against the keys, though not entirely off-tune. The child’s mother came over to them and rested a hand against the child’s back and Evelyn turned away, perhaps faster than she ought to have. Focused on Nicole’s music instead. That was easier. Not loaded. “Piano was the only thing I played.” She pulled over a stool and sat down, watching the other woman. “Never played a guitar in my life. I think some of the instrumental music I own uses guitar in it, which has got to count for something, right?”
At the words, Nicole’s lips curved into a shy smile. She was grateful Evelyn seemed determined to make her feel comfortable. Admittedly, she was doing a decent job, despite Nicole’s hang-ups. It had been much easier to speak to her than most strangers. Would thanking her be too awkward? Probably. The mental barriers and constant second-guessing were stronger than her desire to voice how she felt. Eyes narrowed slightly when Evelyn claimed things were fine, but she didn’t attempt to contradict her. She knew what fine usually meant, it was better to let it go. The fact that she hadn’t commented on her experience kept haunting her, however. Nicole couldn’t recall being an anxious kid. If anything, it sounded worse than being an anxious adult. All those feelings you couldn’t quite understand at that age. Her heart felt heavy for the woman. She had been idly strumming until the sound of the stool pulled her from her thoughts. Tearing her gaze away from the guitar, she lifted her head as sympathetic eyes sought Evelyn. “Might be fine but...I’m really sorry, about— by the way” that didn’t make sense, no. A weary sigh escaped her lips and she decided she could try again, ”no one should, y’know...go through— experience that kinda stuff”, she bit down hard on her lower lip, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. She didn’t want to make things any more awkward, so she chose to focus on the current topic. “I think— after playing the piano, every other instrument would be a piece of cake” she lowered the guitar, in case the other woman wished to try it. “You’re into that, instrumental music?”.
Years ago, she never would have thought twice about the fact that Nicole seemed at ease with her, or the fact that she was smiling. However, it was almost nice right now. Evelyn wanted the woman to feel safe, even though she knew that wasn’t always what was expected of her. Even if it wasn’t always what she should do. Besides, Nicole seemed to understand her - didn’t push her to expand on anything, which was much needed sometimes. This being one of those times - and surprisingly not even because the other woman was mostly a stranger. She found herself thinking that she would be more than alright with it if they spent time together again, however. She didn’t particularly like lying about being an anxious child, but it was the explanation that her father used and one that not too many people thought to question. “It really is okay.” Evelyn offered her a soft smile. “I appreciate your concern, but I am long over it. Worked through it. Dance did wonders for that.” That much was not a lie, it had been a permissible way to connect with her mother, and that was always a source of comfort for her. “Oh yeah?” She glanced at Nicole’s hands on the guitar, before focusing back on the other woman. “I prefer classical or instrumental to other forms, usually. Which likely makes me sound far older than I am, but I have always been that way. Admittedly, I did like the Spice Girls as a child and still have a nostalgic fondness for them.” She paused. “How about you?”
Nicole nodded calmly, accepting Evelyn’s reassuring words. Sometimes speaking wasn’t so bad—even when she sucked at it—she reminded herself. It became evident how important dancing was for Evelyn, and she was thankful the woman had found another outlet. “Yeah, you sound like a grandma” her tone was teasing, surprising herself at the realization. She was relaxed enough to joke for the first time in the evening. The woman had to be her age, though her music choice made sense. That bar Evelyn owned, she didn’t expect the music displayed to be top 40. Nicole saw the beauty of classical music, though it sometimes overwhelmed her. Prone to be disturbed by strong sounds, the idea of dozens of instruments playing at the highest volume intensity was hardly appealing. Her hand rested atop the strings, distracted by the conversation. “The Spice Girls. Guess we all have our flaws” she huffed, lifting an eyebrow. “No, my sister— she liked them too. Would get on my fucking nerves...blasting the damn songs” she always had a more reserved personality, while her sisters took after her mother, bright, loud. Her smile faltered, eyes darting around in search of something to focus on, instead of thinking about her sister. “Don't like music nowadays, I don’t understand a thing” she mumbled, shrugging. There was also the five year period where she was incapable of listening to music, waking up only to find a bunch of new people she knew nothing of. “Home was a mix of everything, so... that’s what I picked up. Dad was all about rock, mom preferred Selena and other Latin artists” she tensed up, offering a strained smiled. “Now I just— I listen to whatever isn’t too noisy” she paused, heat rising in her cheeks as she remembered, “old school Shakira. That was my thing. Before...whatever nonsense she’s doing now”.
“If I were, I would certainly be in the running for world’s youngest grandmother. Also it would be a miracle, given that I have no children of my own.” It was odd, replying in such a joking fashion. Not something that she would have been comfortable even a couple of months ago, and though she certainly did not find it entirely natural, she was more able to respond in turn. Evelyn watched Nicole’s hands rest against the guitar, giving a small shrug at her remark. “I am British, I think there is some sort of clause that I am required to like them.” At Nicole’s mention of a sister, she raised her eyebrow. “I am not certain I blasted them all too often, save for when I wanted to drown out something my father was saying.” A halfhearted shrug followed. “I mean, the score of Swan Lake just does not have quite the same effect.” She bit her lip as she noticed the other woman’s smile faltering. “A lot of it today makes no sense, you are not alone.” Surprisingly, Nicole began talking more - explaining more about where she came from, and Evelyn sat back, listening carefully. “You might like some instrumental music too. I find it comforting. Oh? I cannot say I was ever introduced to Shakira, though I do recognize the name. That gives me some credit, right?”
“Don’t know— we’ll have to investigate” Nicole clicked her tongue, shaking her head. “Fair, they were huge at some point, kinda impossible to avoid them, no judging. Well— very minor judging”. With a lighthearted smile she listened as Evelyn mentioned Swan Lake, taking a moment to understand she was talking about a classical piece. If anything, blasting that sort of music made a very strong statement, in her opinion. She didn’t say that though, instead she nodded  to herself as Evelyn suggested she might enjoy instrumental music. Maybe she could ask for a recommendation. “You don’t...you don’t know—” her eyes narrowed. Was that a joke too? She shot Evelyn a puzzled look. The punchline however, was taking too long to be delivered. Had she found the only other person in White Crest with less music knowledge than her? Against the initial shock, she came to realize Evelyn’s ignorance made sense. She didn’t know much about Shakira’s popularity overseas, especially at the start of her career. It was entirely possible for the woman to have never heard of her before. She let out a breath and gave a half-smile. “Okay...I’ll give you some credit. Can’t really judge people for who they know” she shrugged, knowing she would do terribly if questioned about popular artists. She went quiet for a moment, her gaze lowering at the guitar again. She delicately traced the bridge of the guitar, contemplating. “Y’know...I only remember about four chords. Probably shouldn’t get one”.
“I suppose we will.” Evelyn raised an eyebrow. “Next time, alright? I am not certain if we can investigate the age of the world’s youngest grandmother while in a music shop.” At Nicole’s next comment she could only shrug. “They were huge, and thank you. My favorite, likely not to anyone’s surprise, was always Posh Spice. I should say - not to anyone’s surprise, whether or not they know me. Apparently, my look would give that away.” Not that she minded. That assumption about her was a welcome one, and certainly better than some others that could circulate about her. “Do not know what?” She pursed her lips. “Oh, do not know Shakira? As I said, very much lacking in music taste. I know bits and pieces of what my father liked, but even that I found myself mostly lacking interest in after a certain point. Perhaps some odd form of rebellion?” She gave another shrug, unsure of why she was sharing so many tidbits of her life with someone who was still technically a stranger. A kind one, though, and Evelyn found herself relaxed around the women. “Good, thank you.” She flashed Nicole a smile. “Why not? If - if you enjoy it, you ought to. If it is not too strange of an offer, I am happy to pay for it.” She pressed the palm of her hand against her thigh. “Perhaps you will learn more chords in no time.”
“On it” her lips pressed into a thin smile. Even if hypothetical, the idea of planning for another outing, raised her anxiety once again. Evelyn was just following along with the joke she had started, she reminded herself. At the explanation, Nicole’s gaze drifted downward, taking notice of the woman’s appearance. “Okay, Posh. I’ll trust you on that” she nodded, a hint of amusement in her tone. She recalled the first time they had spoken, when the woman mentioned her dislike for people’s fashion choices in White Crest. She clearly did a good job separating herself from the people in town. Lifting an eyebrow, she glanced at her curiously. She wanted to ask, intrigued about the ways in which a woman so outwardly put together as Evelyn chose to rebel. But as it had happened countless times before, she remained quiet instead. She could never tell where the boundaries were. Why didn’t she have a beer or two before meeting Evelyn? Alcohol always facilitated social situations. “Is that how it works?” for her buying things usually came down to necessity. And while the idea was tempting, a guitar definitely didn’t fit that category. Her face contorted in surprise when Evelyn offered to buy it for her. Yes, yes it was strange. Though maybe it wasn't. Good people gifted things to others all the time, and Evelyn definitely seemed good. Besides, she had made it clear in their previous conversations that she had the means for it. Her laugh was nervous, barely a laugh at all as she took a few steps back, trying to distance herself. “No— no, I couldn’t…” what she could do however, was stammering to decline “I— appreciate that, but” she really did appreciate the offer, though it was far too nice, “I can... get it on my own” she clenched her jaw, anxious eyes darting across the room. “If— if I hear you play something, I’ll be convinced” she nodded to the now empty piano. She was painfully aware of the absurdity of the request, but it was all she could think to draw attention away from her.
“Good. You seem like you’d make a good detective.” Though the jokes still felt odd on her tongue, she decided to roll with it. This was some of the most at ease she’d felt in weeks, save for the time out with Jasmine. This was good, she imagined. Even if Evelyn didn’t entirely understand it. She would be thirty in two years and knowing exactly how was appropriate to feel was still something she struggled with, sometimes. She ran a hand through her hair. “I am trustworthy. I mean, given my upbringing, it truly seems to be the only proper one to be.” She gave a small nod at Nicole’s next question. “I suppose. Or it can be, at least.” She fought the urge to roll her eyes at Nicole’s refusal. People did often do this, she’d found. “You can. I would not offer otherwise.” Evelyn took another few steps toward Nicole. She had to admit that it was nice that someone wanted to hear her play, even though it had been years since she’d done so. “Fine. You know what? I play the piano, show you I still remember, and then you let me buy you the guitar. How does that sound?”
In silence, she gave that idea a brief thought. She would actually make a decent detective, jokes aside. She had the supernatural skills to match her curious nature. Too bad she wasn’t fond of police. “Good to know… I don’t usually— don’t really buy shit just cause I felt like”. She shook her head, “no...listen, it’s nice that— but you can’t”. Her eyebrows shot up when Evelyn agreed to play, not expecting things to backfire. In hindsight, why didn’t she see that coming? As the woman stepped forward Nicole retreated in synch. No, that didn’t sound good. She huffed, setting the guitar back on the hanger. It was the part of the evening where her heart began to race, her breath turned shallow and her brain tried to get her out of interacting with people. It would be incredibly rude to walk out with no explanation, she tried to reason. And as much as she was making her agitated at the moment, she liked Evelyn’s company. Screwing that up would be much worse. So, despite her head begging her to go, she ignored it. Instead, she held a harsh gaze, if nothing but out of stubbornness. She wasn’t normally as defying in person as she was online. She wanted to retort that she wasn’t some stupid charity project to feel good about herself. Except, it wasn’t the case at all —Nicole knew it— and somehow that made it worse. For once, she was thankful her mouth didn’t cooperate. Misty eyed, she blinked, biting hard the inside of her cheek. “Fine” the low, reluctant tone in her voice contradicted by her gaze softening. “Better be good at it” was added in a mumble, a weak attempt at keeping her edge.
“I know. Not everyone does.” She gave another shrug. Evelyn found that she rarely got flustered over the remarks that others made. There was little reason to, usually. She’d built up enough of a tough skin growing up the way she had, and besides, it wasn’t like Nicole’s remarks were mean. Not in the slightest, it was merely an expression of her opinion, which Evelyn could appreciate. Perhaps taking steps toward her was not the best idea, she mused as she watched her step away. Except a grin crossed her lips as the other woman seemed to agree to her proposal. “Excellent.” Her smile softened, then. “I am good.” She settled at the piano before she took in a deep breath, letting her hands rest on keys. It had been years, but it had also been something she’d found herself drawn to as a child, as it was a way to keep her father out of her hair. A way to be by herself. A gentle tune began - nothing in particular. “Do you have any requests? Preferably classical, or else I might not know them. Or find sheet music in the store and we can see how good I am at reading music.” She continued playing, glancing over to Nicole. “Up to you.”
In a childish gesture, Nicole shoved her hands inside the pockets of her jacket. Her shoulders dropped and she hung her head, reluctantly trailing behind Evelyn toward the piano. She nervously paced around the instrument, unsure where the best position to listen would be, but finally decided to stay on Evelyn’s. Her eyes were fixed on the woman’s profile as she prepared herself to play, and when her fingers danced confidently across the piano, Nicole couldn’t help her smile. Maybe she didn’t regret asking for her to play after all. Though she couldn’t tell what she was playing, the music’s calming effect was instant. Her breathing slowed down, eyes too focused on following Evelyn’s movements to worry about anything else. “Oh...I don’t” she cleared her throat, a light blush appeared on her cheeks when Evelyn asked for requests. She didn’t know a lot of classical music. Or if she did, it wasn’t like she could recall them by name to suggest one. Scrunching up her face in concentration, she tried to remember. “The uh—wait” her hand reached for the woman’s shoulder, stopping herself half-way. There was one. They would always listen to it, during Christmas. By the time she was a teen she ended up rolling her eyes every time her mom would play it. Even though it was tradition, she hated it. But, what was it called? “It’s the… the one with—el...el cascanueces” she snapped her fingers, willing herself to find the words in English. “What is it called, dammit. The uh, the nut...nutcracker! Is that it?” Was it even possible to play that on the piano? At least she was capable of naming one classical piece, she considered that a small victory.
She didn’t play for anyone. In fact, if anything, Evelyn usually ignored the fact that she had ever even played the piano. It wasn’t a bad thing, not at all, but it also was not a part of her childhood that she often felt needed highlighting. However, she also knew that she could be stubborn, and given Nicole’s initial refusal to let Evelyn buy the guitar, she was determined to figure out a way to get the other woman to let her. Even if that took doing something she hadn’t done in years. She was grateful that it seemed to be easily coming back to her. She caught the woman’s hand reaching for her shoulder out of the corner of her eye and smiled. “I - yes, I can do something to that effect, even if it is not the full song. That might even be too easy, what with it also being a classic for ballet. I have it rather a bit ingrained into my memory.” she said, a gentle smile crossing her face as she looked up at Nicole and shifted what she was playing. “How is that? I have a feeling you may be walking out of here with a guitar, but I have always been a bit confident, or so I have been told.” She stopped for a moment. “How did I do? Well enough to earn your trust and perhaps earn you a guitar?”
“I—” she could only shrug, eyebrows knitting together. Nicole hadn’t realized the advantage she was giving Evelyn by suggesting a ballet classic. Dumb. She should’ve thought about her answer more carefully, but she had never been too great on the spot. She exhaled, slightly frustrated. “Only one I could think of. It’s— it’s.... There was no Christmas without it, y’know? Ever...ever danced to it?”. Even if it was an easy request, she still wanted to hear, see if Evelyn could remember it, there was a guitar on the line. Her gaze lowered to the keys as the woman shifted to the familiar tune, mixed feelings overcoming her. How many times did she complain about The Nutcracker back in the day? And yet, now that she heard it again, she couldn’t tell what was so bad about it in the first place. She followed the delicate movements with a small smile, putting her judgement behind. It was beautiful. She raised an eyebrow, almost chuckling at her confident claim. “Wha— cause I went easy on you! It was...you were decent” she defended herself. She wasn’t a music critic, but it wasn’t hard to tell the woman was a good pianist. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. It was all too much.  “Listen, I—” she turned her head away, watching people pass by the store. “You don’t— you don’t have to, y’know. I...I can buy it myself” she explained calmly, tone reassuring. Had Evelyn earned her trust? That was a complicated question, Nicole assumed she didn’t expect an honest answer. They were two strangers. She knew the other woman was also keeping some cards to herself. But as her eyes traveled from the glass window back to the woman, all became clearer. She couldn’t remember ever talking to a person with the ease she did Evelyn, not in a long time. As scary as it was, she wanted to trust her, and what could matter more than that? “But... but if you really want to. Guess you could” she averted her eyes away from Evelyn’s, embarrassed.
“It is a Christmas classic,” she responded, her fingers brushing against the keys. Evelyn gave a small nod. “I have, yes. Though I have to say, as far as famous ballets go, I am still much more drawn to Swan Lake. The Nutcracker does hold a certain amount of nostalgia, though - I think it is an experience or memory that many have. Or at least those who celebrate Christmas.” For a moment she wondered if she would have kept playing longer if her mother had been alive. If that would have been something else they could have done together. Too many what-ifs were of no use though, and she had to laugh at Nicole’s next comment. “Yes, well, I suppose I appreciate you going easy on me. Quite kind of you,” she winked, adjusting the song once again, letting one melody flow into the next. “I have no doubt that you can, but I can as well, which is why I offered.” She stopped the music, swinging her legs over the side of the bench so that she could face Nicole. It was so easy to talk to her - and had she been the sort to have believed in kindred souls, she might have wondered if Nicole was one. “I do really want to.” She hopped off the bench, moving toward Nicole. “And I also like getting what I want, so you are truly doing me just as much of a favor as I may have been doing for you. What do you say? Pick whichever one calls out to you most and we will get it.”
“Don’t know Swan Lake. Or— maybe I do... just don’t know it by name” it wasn’t the first time Evelyn had mentioned that piece, so Nicole took a mental note to search for it when she had the time. There had to be something special about it. Nostalgia, that’s the word she had been looking for. “Uh— okay. So what I’m getting is… is, I’m the one who should be thanked then” something about live music had put her in a more relaxed state, where she felt comfortable enough to try her hand at cracking another joke. She shook her head, and she had to laugh at how spoiled Evelyn sounded. But the confidence was a nice balance to her own personality. “Thank you for…” she took a few steps back, giving Evelyn the space to stand from the bench, “not just the guitar— not sure if I’m fine with it yet” she furrowed her eyebrows, turning on her feet. “I appreciate—” the company? She certainly did, but she debated whether it was the best way to say it. She lifted a hand, rubbing her jaw. “I liked spending time here” she settled for instead, casting a tentative glance. Maybe there were other places in White Crest to enjoy besides bars and hiking trails. She reluctantly dragged her feet back to the guitar section, trying to delay the embarrassment as much as possible. “You’re... a very good player, by the way. Best one I’ve heard” she stopped abruptly, turning her head back to the woman. “Okay, uh... the only one technically, but—” she knew Evelyn hadn’t taken her previous words seriously, and appeared far too confident to be affected by them, but Nicole felt the need to clear things up. “Still— good...good to hear you. Probably hate the nutcracker less now”. It was hard not to look at the price tags in every instrument, anxiety setting again at the pit of her stomach. Evelyn wanted to pay for it, she reminded herself. The amount of options was frustrating to her, who needed that many guitar colors? But as her eyes traveled to the top row, the oxblood colored wood caught her attention. By the time she had released it from the hanger, she didn't want to look at Evelyn in the eyes. Mortifying. “Uh— think this one will do”.
“It is a classic. I can show you whenever we meet up to determine if I am the world’s youngest grandmother.” Evelyn offered the other woman another smile. “Yes, you should be thanked. It is nice to see that you are starting to keep up with me, Nicole.”  It registered to her that her entire body had become relaxed, then - not that she had been nervous in any way, shape, or form, but it often took longer than this before she was able to relax around someone. It had happened almost instantly with Alain - but Nicole was different. Evelyn thought not to question it too much, though. She very much doubted Nicole was a hunter, and even if she was only human, Evelyn could manage that. She’d learned that some humans were easier to spend time with than others. More worth spending time with than others. Nicole absolutely was worth it - and she had to admit that there was a certain sort of thrill that she could get Nicole to let her buy things for her, even if it took a bit of bargaining. She liked that Nicole didn’t make things easy - friendships (or acquaintanceships, even) that were too easy were no fun at all. “You are welcome for any and all of that.” She looked over to the other woman kindly. Following her over to the guitars, she grinned. “Well, thank you. Nice to see that I still have it in me. Even if I am the only one. I have always been fond of being unique, so I happily accept this title. Pleased to make you hate the Nutcracker a bit less, but I also would be happy to show you better ballets.” She watched Nicole choose a guitar, patiently standing back. “I like that one. I am hardly an expert on this, but I think that one suits you.”
“Alright, then. Proving my point with the ballet, just saying—” half a smile played on her lips, nodding at the idea of meeting up. A small part of her looked forward to the possibility, and she had only grown more certain as the evening progressed that she could get along with the woman. Nicole wouldn’t mind that, she realized, as long as they stayed away from stores. “Yeah, yeah— gotta give it time, I’m slow. I’ll get the hang of it” shrugging with one shoulder, she let out a weary sigh. Social interactions always took a lot of energy out of her, and as much as she liked Evelyn's company she was definitely looking forward to driving back home. “Next time...not letting you buy me anything” she replied with a warning tone, pointing a finger at her. She shook her head, laughing at the pride in her words. She briefly glanced at her as she voiced her opinion, eyes back on the guitar a beat later. She wasn’t an expert either, but she imagined Evelyn knew a thing or two about taste. She fell quiet for a moment, reflecting. Why did that suit her? Just cause she had picked it over the rest? Did it say something about her personality? She had to stop second guessing every decision she made with pointless questions, she decided finally. “I’ll...I—yeah. Gonna trust you on that'. Trying to leave her indecision behind, eyes began to search for the check out instead. With the hint of a smile on her lips, she motioned Evelyn toward it. She couldn’t have imagined when they first agreed to visit the store, that she’d end up leaving with a free guitar. But more importantly, with the potential of making a friend. She still had no clue how that happened, but it was the one thing she wouldn’t question. They seemed so opposite from each other, yet things had flowed naturally, almost with ease if she considered all her issues socializing. It would take a lot of time to not feel awkward about the guitar, sure. But as she told herself when they left the store, there were other rewards for choosing to step out of her comfort zone.
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psychvamp25 · 4 years ago
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love you for writing so many prompts 🥰🥰🥰 May I suggest 35. Some very protected sex to celebrate the fact that I’m not/we’re not/you’re not pregnant 😊
This got longer than I was expecting, but I am sure you won’t mind. Smut is below the read more. Thank you for the ask!
Arya had never been happier that self checkouts had become a common thing, otherwise she was sure her purchase of a large can of iced tea, a family bag sized bag of cheddar popcorn, a large box of condoms, and three pregnancy tests would have earned her a side eye. The condoms were because if she was not pregnant, he was going to be wrapped up good from now on. This whole problem was because they had gotten drunk at a friend’s birthday party and had been well into the mood when they’d returned to their apartment. Only, they were apparently out of condoms, and their stupid brains had told them it would be fine to go without, just that once. Arya was also on birth control, but her period was over a week late now, and she needed to know. She rushed back to her apartment, the bag white knuckled in one hand while she downed her iced tea using the other. 
Gendry was at work still and she was grateful, she would tell him about it no matter the outcome of course, but she needed to find out alone. She locked the door behind, throwing the popcorn on the dining room table as she walked past, before heading to their bedroom. She tossed the box of condoms onto the bed and went into the bathroom with the tests. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, her face was flushed and her eyes wide. She took a deep breath and finished off her tea in a few gulps. 
She opened the first test and sat down on the toilet to do her business. The tea hadn’t taken effect on her bladder yet but she was still able to get something going. The box said three minutes, she placed it on the counter along with the test, set the timer on her phone and went to lay on the bed. She didn’t know what they were going to do if she was pregnant. They were both still finishing their degrees and their apartment did not have the space for a baby. They had a small amount of savings, but it wouldn’t be enough, especially if she had to quit her job. Her parents would help out, they liked Gendry, but she hadn’t asked for their charity. She sighed, she was spiraling before she even knew the truth. 
Her phone went off and she made her way back to the bathroom. She picked up the plastic stick with shaking hands and looked at it, only one line. She checked the box, not pregnant. She let out a sigh of relief, but it was always good to double check. She went out to the living room, grabbing her popcorn and plopping down on the couch. She would take the second test once the tea worked its way through, from experience, she knew it would be about 20 minutes. She flipped on a true crime podcast and ate her snack, her leg thumping as she waited. One she felt the telltale stirrings in her bladder, she got up and took the second test. 3 minutes later and another negative test later, she was almost ready to cry in relief.
“Arya?” Gendry’s voice called from the living room.
“Back here babe!” She responded, throwing the used tests and boxes away. The third one she stuck in the drawer, she might need to take it tomorrow, just to be sure.
“Everything alright? I saw the popcorn bag.” Gendry asked, now leaning on the bathroom door frame.
“I panicked, my period is late, so i went to the store for some pregnancy tests.” She told him.
“And?” He asked when she did not continue.
“Not pregnant.” She told him, closing the few steps between them, “You okay with that?”
He smiled at her, placing his hands on her arms, “I love you and would love to have children with you. I just don’t think we are there yet.”
“Good, we are the same page then.” She told him, leaning up to place a kiss on his lips.
“Did you buy the giant box of condoms in hopes you were not pregnant?” He questioned, nodded his head at the bed.
She smirked, “I did. I don’t need stress like this again, so you are staying wrapped from now on buddy.”
He chuckled, “You know I don’t mind.”
She nodded, “Good. Now get naked. Let’s have, so glad we aren’t pregnant sex.”
“Gods, I love the way you think.” He said, leaning down to kiss her lips while also walking backwards toward the bed, dragging her with him.
She ran her hands down his chest until getting to the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it up. He took a small step back and pulled it over his head. Her hands went to her own t-shirt and she followed suit, leaving her in her purple bra and jean shorts. He gave the appreciate look he always got before he started to work on his belt. She quickly got out of her shorts, bra, and panties, standing naked before him in no time. He stood up from taking off his socks, now also bare and his cock at full attention. His hungry eyes watched her a moment before he reached forward and brought their skin into contact, pulling her against him. They kissed for a moment before he lifted her up and threw her onto the bed. 
She always loved when he did that, in bed was the only place he ever really showed off his strength, and it made her wild. He climbed in after her, positioning his body between her legs and placing his mouth on her clit. Her eyes rolled back in pleasure as he got to work on her, his tongue and fingers eventually coming into play as well. She used to think she was complicated when it came to orgasms, but it turned out, she just needed Gendry’s help and she was there in no time. Gendry was dragging this one out though, teasing her to the edge a few times before finally letting her cum. Her walls held on hard to his fingers as she came and he shifted up to lay a long languid kiss before pulling his hand back. Her own hand reached forward and wrapped around his cock, now in reach that he’d moved. He didn’t need much working up though, already as hard as he was going to get. Gendry opened the condom box and tore out one of the condoms. He ripped open the foil and she rolled down his cock for him. 
With a smirk, she threw her leg over his hips and straddled him, sinking onto him without any further wait. She takes a moment to get used to the stretch but it doesn’t take her long and she beginning to slowly raise and then lower herself over and over again. He grew it for her and she feels it is only fair to do it for him as well. He growls, his hands gripping her hips hard to hold her placed as he pounds up into her, the speed and force bringing her closer again to that delicious edge. She lets out a series of swears, begging him to keep going, and he happily obliges. Arya brings on her hand to her clit while another goes to her breast, teasing them. Gendry’s eyes are dark on her fingers and his pace starts to fail, a sign he is getting closer. She moves her hips, matching his pace and that is what takes it for her, and she screams his name as she comes on his cock. He pumps up into her three more times before stilling with a grown as his cock throbs within her. 
She collapses forward onto his chest, their breathing heavy.
His hand runs up and down her back, “That was intense.”
She hummed in agreement, “I liked it too.”
He kissed her head before moving her off of him so he could deal with the condom. She admired his ass as he rolled over it and threw it into the trash next to the bed. She would have to get up in a minute to go to the bathroom and clean up, but that could wait. She just wanted to spend a few more minutes in the arms of the man she loved, and who would be the father of her children, but not yet.
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tvehyungs-gf · 5 years ago
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The 1000 letters that were never sent.
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Part 1 out of 2 of the The 1000 letters that were never sent. Word Count: 1.9K. Song Recommendation: Terrible Things Instrumental by Mayday Parade. I recommend you to listen to the song while you read. It will get you in the feels! Put it on a loop too!
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“Dear Y/N,
Fuck, is that to cliche? I still don’t know how to greet you in this letter despite this may be my millionth letter I’ve written to you. Should I keep it casual like the good ole days? Okay then, let me start over.
Hey, what’s up Y/N?
I... I don’t know if that’s any better to be honest. I feel... what exactly do I feel? Awkward? Regret? Remorse? All the above or somewhere in between? I don’t know honestly. I can’t remember the last time that I’ve actually written you a letter that was... well, sober.
I wish that I could sigh on paper. Sigh. I guess that’s how you do it, right? Haha... I guess that’s also how you laugh on paper... Honestly... I don’t know where to start.
Where do I even begin? Better yet, how I can explain this whole “thing” to you? Should I start from when I first met you or should I start from when it started happening? I don’t know, I really don’t. Can you tell that I’m lost? Y/N, I’m so lost. You were my guidance... Where did you go? Why did you leave me here without a direction? No hints no nothing, you just... you just left. Where do I even send these letter to? Your old home? Your parents house? His house?
I wish I had the guts to do that - but I don’t. I don’t even want to talk to him.
I... 
I just...
Do you remember back when we were younger and we took that super spontaneous trip to Busan? That 5 hour drive from Seoul to Busan may have been one of the best trips I have ever taken in my entire life. And I know that I literally dragged you out of class to go but if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have been able to experience one of the best times of your life, right? If you were here right now, you probably would’ve smacked me upside the head for bringing back this memory. I miss that.
The trip was, no is, a memory that I can never forget. I still can’t believe that I managed to get you to turn off both of our phones and only listen to the CD I burned full of songs that we loved. The highlight of the trip was your face when I said that we could only use a physical map to navigate us instead of the GPS maps on our phones. 
It was so fun, wasn’t it though? Haha.
Remember when I almost (thank god you were paying attention to the map!) took the wrong turn that almost took us to Cheongdo instead? Although... that wouldn’t have been so bad! I heard there’s this wine tunnel there, we could’ve been fancy and got drunk on wine!
I think I’ll go there some time to take my mind off of things. I genuinely need it but I just... don’t have the time.
Anyway... There are so many more memories where you saved me from going towards the wrong directions, not only geographical wise but life wise. You helped me get to where I am today and I’m so grateful for that. Thank you for always pushing me to keep going the right way and to just simply keep going when things weren’t going in my favor. There’s no words that can explain how thank you and grateful I am for that - for you.
You... You were really my light back then, Y/N. Did you know that?
I’m sorry that I keep asking you these questions but there’s just so many questions that keeps running through my mind. Truthfully though, there is one thing that I can answer honestly and that is my feelings.
I guess by saying that, it kind of sets the mood for the rest of the letter, right?
I wish you were here so I can hear you laugh at my lame jokes. Before I even start anything, I can’t believe I forgot to ask how are you doing? I hope you’re doing a lot better. Each day without you is so boring but each day is a day closer to me being able to see you again. Honestly, that’s the only thing that keeps me going, and aside from Daehyun that is.
She’s doing amazing, by the way. She’s doing what every 3 year old should be doing and I kind of feel bad because she’s becoming more and more like me. Isn’t that a good thing? Or a bad thing? I don’t know.
I remember all the times you called me annoying but I’m sure you were kidding... or I hope you were. We always had the love-hate-playful attitude towards another. I miss that too. I just.... I miss you. And I can’t be that playful like I was with you towards Junmyeon-hyung because it’s just weird. He just... He doesn’t react the way that you did. He doesn’t reply with the same things you did. 
I don’t know why I feel so annoyed when he doesn’t respond the way I want him to. He simply isn’t you and I shouldn’t get upset about that. I think this is my punishment for not telling you the truth before you left. I should’ve been honest.
Oh, and speaking of Daehyun, she just waddled here. Oo ... ~~ /
Oops, sorry, she just tried to reached for the pen. Um, here she is. She wants to say something.
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Isn’t her handwriting so cute? I can’t wait for her to start going to school. I’ve been trying to teach her so many things while you were gone. Her first words were “Eomma” and fuck, when she said that, I just wanted to cry. And I did. She’s been hanging out with Jongdae’s daughter and I guess she realized that she doesn’t have a mother figure like his daughter does.
And I just... Fuck, it hurts to see her already knowing that she’s missing someone so important in her life.
I...              I’m sorry. My tears are wetting the paper. I just, Y/N, I just miss you so much. I’m trying really hard to be positive but I just can’t. I really can’t do it anymore. I want you to only see the good things in me but I’m... I’m a monster. Every night, after I put Daehyun to sleep, I drown myself in alcohol. I drown myself in the thought you. And I don’t know how many nights I spend crying in my own tears because I miss you. I don’t know how many nights I’ve written drunk letters to you or even how many times I’ve called your number despite it already having a new owner.
It’s not easy doing this alone.
Sometimes.... sometimes I wish it wasn’t me, whose here... doing this. I know it’s a bit... no not a bit... it’s really fucked up.              I know it’s fucked up to think that way but it shouldn’t be me whose dealing with the aftermath. It should be him - he’s the one who              got you in this position in this place in the first place.
He should be here dealing with his conse       quences. Shouldn’t he have known better?
I don’t know.
I never liked him to begin with. And he just       continues to give me more reasons            why I should hate him. He doesn’t even want to      see his own fucking da        ughter. You know what he told me         after you left? He told me that he       oesn’t have a daughter that Daehyun isn’t his, that she’s a daughter of a whore. Fuck Y/N,          I wanted to beat that fucker up but your dad held me back. Fuck. I fucking hate him.
Fuck.
I’m so         rry my tears keep getting on the paper            Fuck, they won’t stop coming down.
But honestly, I’m glad. I’m glad I’m the one whose here, taking care of Daehyun. She’s the               only thing I have left that reminds me of you.... and I love her like my own.
I love her so much Y/N.           She’s          my on        ly hope left.
And like I promised you... I will do my very best to take care of her. I will raise her the best that I can but firstly, I need to move on, right That’s what you would’ve told me, right?
Daehyun just gave me some tissues she           found on the table. Y/N, fuck, she’s         wiping my tears.           She makes this so hard for me                Fuck I wish you           could hear what she just said. 
“Appa, don’t cry. I cry if you cry.”
Fuck, I’m so        rry. I need to catch         my breathe real quick. I feel so suffocated in here.
I’m back, I’m okay... for now. It took me about an hour to stop crying and to find the courage to finish this letter.
Where did I leave off?
Oh right.
Y/N... I just...
I can’t keep doing this anymore. I don’t know how many letters I have written for you Y/N because I have a whole box full of them.
Honestly, I wish I did have the courage to say all of this to you, in person, or at the very least, written and gave you this letter before you left. I regret so many things that I wasn’t able to do, or well, couldn’t. However, I can never regret my feelings for you.
Y/L/N Y/N, I love you. I love you since we were kids. I loved you the moment you fell down after riding your bike and scraped your knees. When you cried your heart out, I felt that pain inside of me and I swore to myself that I’ll be damned if I ever let you get hurt again whether it was psychically, mentally, or emotionally.
Y/N, fuck, I realized all of my feelings too late. I realized my feelings for you weren’t just a silly little crush the moment you introduced me to him. Fuck, I just needed someone to guide me the right way. I’m such an idiot thinking that I needed you to guide me to my own true feelings for you.
I’m so dependent on you Y/N that it was too late for me to become independent from you. Does that even make sense? I’ve been so out of it that I had to take a break from EXO. It’s been 2 months since I announced my temporarily leave and I just... I don’t know if I can even go back. I don’t have the energy.
But fuck, Y/N, each passing day, Y/L/N Daehyun, will remind me of my feelings for you because as each day goes by, she looks more and more like you.
Y/N, I will do my very best to raise her for you. And the least I could do, is be the best ‘uncle’ or well, ‘father’ for her. 
Daehyun, I hope, will help me move on and get back on my feet.
I love you so much Y/N. One day, I’ll be able to tell you my true feelings for you in person, or well psychically, when we can finally meet again.
Please wait me for me. I know how selfish that sounds but I just need you in my arms when its finally my time. Y/L/N Y/N, I love you so much.
Yours truly,
Love,
Byun Baekhyun.”
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A/N: i’m sad.
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geeky-introvert · 5 years ago
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Rise . Harald X OC
Summary:  Escaping from her abusive husband with her children Aurella never expected to end up with the Heathens, even more to catch the eyes from the King of Norway….One-shot.
Authors note: I managed to write this in a day after being sick all week. Feeling much better today, very grateful. Hope you all enjoy!
Word count: 2633
Warning: Mentions of abuse and smut.
Tag list: @lisinfleur @mdlady @didiintheblog @alicedopey @rekdreams247​ @mblaqgi @oddsnendsfanfics @aphnxrising @happydaysandersen @therealcalicali @naaladareia @inforapound @captstefanbrandt @waiting4inspiration @tabalugax @p8tn0lish @igetcarriedawaywithyou @laketaj24 @darlingp @tephi101 @youbloodymadgenius @lordsexmachine @wonderlandofsu @alwaysbenhardysgirl @sparklemichele @hecohansen31 @readsalot73 @narry28 
If anyone else wants to be added to the tag list let me know please.
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Ending up with the Heathens wasn’t what Aurella had in mind, but it was a far better life still then being married to that violent husband of hers. Yes, ending up as a slave, working in the hall for the king of Norway sounded not like the best thing but it honestly was, even more for her children.
For years she put up with her husband's ways and it only grew worse. She should’ve left him a long time ago but stayed because it was the only home they had. Then when he tried to take out his anger on the kids that’s when she acted and slammed a wooden plank over his head, giving her enough time to flee with her kids.
It was just fate, that’s what she was calling it, that the Heathens were nearby, planning to attack her village. Bumping into them was enough shock, but even more when her husband suddenly came out, charging behind them and then dropping dead, killed by a single arrow.
All she could do was shield her children as one of them approached her, later learning his name was Harald, king of all of Norway. Right there she promised to serve him, only to keep her children safe and after thinking about it for a moment he agreed.
Keeping his word he made sure her children and herself had their own cabin in his settlement right near the hall. All he asked was for her to serve him and she did. Her son, Durwin, was the eldest and old enough to help take care of his little sister, Linette.
It was a change for them, a better life she called it. Least she didn’t need to worry about her drunk and abusive husband anymore and give her children a chance in another culture. It meant forgetting about their god and embracing the Heathens gods, which was strange but at this point in life she didn’t care honestly.
The only good thing that life gave her was two beautiful children. 
Serving King Harald was something she was willing to do and he was much kinder than most of anyone else in her life towards her. It may sound strange but it was true. When while doing her chores she would see her children surrounding him.
At first she thought they might’ve been bothering him but quickly discovered he asked for them to be there, to tell them stories and listening to their own, learning about each other. She noticed that her children were comfortable with him and that made her relax.
After settling her children for sleep she then came into his room where she drew him a warm bath and waited for him. She grew used to this lifestyle quickly, and it was a better life than what she used to have. How sad was that, better to be a slave then married to her drunk and abusive husband.
“Aurella?” Hearing Her name she suddenly stood up and turned to see Harald in the room.
“King Harald, forgive me I didn’t hear you come on.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about, my dear.” He always called her that and it always made her cheeks flush red feeling shy about it always. “I don’t think you heard me, I said your children are very smart and beautiful, I enjoy their company.”
“Oh, yes, sorry-” She cleared her throat a little. “Just thinking.”
“Anything interesting?” He asked as he stepped forward and started to remove his clothes for the bath. It wasn’t the first time, but she felt her cheeks become warm whenever she saw his toned chest and tattoos, much better compared to the drunk pig belly from her husband.
“No, my lord.” She answered as he slipped into the basin and she poured some salt into the water for him to soak in.
“Hmm.” Harald hummed gently in return as he watched her fondly, giving a small smile. “You’re an interesting woman, Aurella, yet I hardly know anything about you.”
“Forgive me, my lord, but you haven’t really asked me anything.” She smiled gently as he smirked back in return. He really enjoyed her company.
“Please, Aurella, call my Harald, I’ve told you that already.”
“Forgive me, my-” Stopping herself she blushed a little. “Harald.”
“Now, tell me a little about yourself.”
Aurella started small, telling of the simple and poor life she had with her parents on their little farm. She was an only child since her mother died at a young age and her father fell ill as she got older. That’s when a man came to her, offering his hand in marriage and feeling desperate she agreed. At first she thought they could learn to love each other, but it was just a sad life being married to him. He grew fatter, lazier and soon became abusive. For too long she put up with it before finally making a run for it, and that’s when she said they found them and killed him just in time.
“He can no longer hurt you or your children ever again.” He told her as he listened carefully.
“Yeah, because you saved us from that life, from him.” Grabbing a rag she then started to help clean his arms, her eyes lingering too long over his tattoos.
“He wasn’t a man, but a fool, someone who got what they deserved for ever hurting you. I see a beautiful and smart woman willing to protect those they love. The moment I saw you I knew there was something special, and I suddenly had to...know you.”
“Know me? What do you mean?” She asked as she glanced up into his eyes. His kind words were heard and she wasn’t even sure how to answer him for that.
Harald moved his hand and touched her face, caressing her cheek and moved away again giving her a weak smile. “I find you beautiful, and I wish for you to be aware that I feel this pull towards you. I would like something more, and I don’t wish to scare you away.”
His confession didn’t surprise her honestly. There was a part of her that suspected this, but didn’t want to think too much about it. Yes, he was a very handsome man, but she didn’t know what to say or do about it.
“Any princess would be lucky to have you as their husband. I’m just a simple woman, I come from nothing.” It was true, not that she was denying him, just speaking truthful words.
“I come from nothing, my dear. That’s the life I was born into, a simple farmer. But I wanted so much more and I grew myself in power, became an earl, then I fell in love with a princess. I offered my hand in marriage to her but she refused, saying I wasn’t worthy yet, that I had to become a king to win her hand in marriage. So, I killed kings to become one, gained more power, more lands, and when I was ready I found out she married another man, an earl, it broke my heart. There was another woman, my enemies lover and she agreed to marry me. She...was beautiful, strong, and died in battle along with our unborn child. As time passed I slowly healed and found my gaze on another woman, but she chose to marry Bjorn Ironside instead. I’ve never had the best of luck with women, and I hope that even just once, I can feel that...tender feeling, love.”
She listened to him as he spoke. How could a man like him get hurt or lose someone, she didn’t understand this. Yes, she’s heard of Bjorn Ironside, son of Ragnar but that was it.
“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, Harald. I...I feel silly for saying this but…. I do feel something for you. For so long I put up with my husband, took all his anger to protect my children, and when he went to hurt them I attacked him and finally took off, and you know the rest. For once I would like to feel love as well, to know what it’s like, at least once.”
“Not just once.” He was suddenly closer then, brushing his nose against her own making her breath hitch. “I want it to last forever.” His lips were suddenly on her own in a tender kiss.
The kiss caught her by surprise but she didn’t pull away, in fact she slowly leaned into it, accepting the kiss from him. Her reaction pleased Harald and he deepened it more.
Suddenly he pulled her into the basin with her, making her gasp softly from the sudden wetness and the fact she was still wearing a dress but he didn’t seem to care before kissing her again. His hands roamed over her, pulling her closer against him more while she returned the kiss back before  letting out a surprised gasp against his lips feeling his hardness.
Not that she was against the idea, but she hasn’t really ever had a pleasent experiance with sex before. But it felt different now, finally a moment for her to enjoy with another.
“Aurella. I wish to have you, but only if you’ll have me.”
Never had she been even asked. “Yes, you may.” She wanted this just like him.
He pulled down the front of her dress then, exposing her breasts and massaged one as he kissed the other making her moan in pleasure softly. The reaction he gave her was so unexpected, but it all felt so real, and she craved for that.
Her head tilted back as his warm lips and beard tickled up her neck then, showering her in a bliss and love as she pressed herself closer against him.
His throbbing cock positioned against her before she suddenly was filled by him, letting out a loud moan as his thickness stretched her depths beyond like before.
“Am I hurting you?” His words were so kind, tender.
“No, you’re just very big.” She admitted shyly making him chuckle softly.
“All for you, my dear.”
He started to move her hips against him, slowly, allowing her to adjust and feel him twitch inside of her as she clenched a little, sighing in pleasure with her hands gripping onto his shoulders. Sex never felt so good before, this wasn’t what she ever imagined it to be like.
“Harald….this feels good.” She whispered as she moved her hips.
“It gets better.” And it did, so much. His cock hit the right places inside her, rubbing against her walls as she rocked a little more firmer against him, rubbing herself and building up both their pleasures.
Harald buried his face against her neck and shoulders, holding her close and savouring every second of this blissful moment with her. It had been so long since he’s felt like this and he didn’t want to lose that feeling ever again.
After a time their movements became more firmer, slopping, both closer to reaching their ends together. Neither stopped and just let it happen.
“Harald...I-I’m...I’m close!” She warned him but he only gave a breathy smile.
“Let yourself go, my dear.”
And she did, letting out a cry of pleasure, not caring who heard as she milked him and he suddenly followed closely behind, spilling his seed deep within her depths and riding out their orgasms together.
Aurella rested her head down against his shoulder as she panted heavily, tired and dazed.
“I want to take you to bed, to hold you in my arms all night.” He whispered between kisses.
“I would be happy to join you.” She answered back.
She was so dazed that the last she could remember was being carried in his arms and laid in his bed before falling asleep against his chest, savouring the warmth from him.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
When Aurella woke up the next morning she was naked in bed, alone, but comfortable and warm still. Holding the furs against her chest she sat up and wondered where Harald went off to. He was king, so of course he had duties to follow.
Suddenly the doors open making her gasp softly only to see another thrall coming in, looking up at her and bowing lightly.
“Forgive me, my lady. I didn’t mean to startle you. King Harald has asked me to help you get ready before eating this morning.” She then proceeded to get a dress for her
She didn’t understand what she meant but was left speechless. Silently she got out of bed, still holding the furs before the thrall helped her, something she’s never had done before.
“I-I can dress myself…” She told her in the nicest way possible.
“King Harald insisted I help, forgive me, I do not wish to disappoint him.
Once dressed and hair braided she looked at herself in the mirror and was amazed how she looked. The dress was way too beautiful, only fit for a queen, and yet she was wearing it.
Coming out she saw Harald standing about looking like he was waiting for her, and when he looked up he held a large bright smile, opening his arms.
“So beautiful, my dear. Kissed by Freyer herself.”
His words made her blush a little before she asked him.
“What’s going on? I mean, I’m just a little confused.”
“I see, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there this morning, I just had to prepare things. First off, you’re no longer a slave, you’re a free woman to do as you please, as well as your children.”
This caught her by surprise. “I...I don’t know what to say.”
His hands came up to caress both her cheeks. “I want you and your children to be happy, and I stop you from doing what you want. However, now comes another question. I would like to marry you, for you to become my wife and queen. Your children shall be raised as if they were my own and I swear it on my arm ring that I’ll never bring harm to them, or you, my dear. I won’t force you to decide though, it’s up to you.”
She was left speechless and didn’t know how to respond to him. Her whole life she had been trapped and now she has the chance to be free, but either with or without Harald.
“Mother!” She heard her children come running into the hall, clean and new clothes, fit for a princess and prince. They looked so happy and proud.
“Look mother! I’m a princess!” Linette gave a spin with a beaming giggle.
“I’ve never had such nice clothes. Thank you, King Harald.” Durwin said.
“Durwin, you may call me Harald, no need to be formal.” He said rubbing his head.
Aurella stared at her children with a soft smile. They looked so happy, not because of the clothes, but just being here. Harald was the only man to ever treat them with kindness, as he was the only one to treat her the same way. Looking back at him she then suddenly stepped closer and gave a soft kiss to him, hearing her children gasp as they saw this.
Moving away her eyes glittered as she caressed his cheek gently.
“Thank you, Harald, for everything. I will marry you.”
Harald gave a light happy chuckle, embracing her as the children looked at one another, surprised by the news but happy about their mother’s choice.
“You won’t regret this, I promise.”
She had a good feeling she won’t regret this either. Being here had made her the happiest in all her life. A new change and a new life, it’s all they needed.
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