#i always have some kind of accessory on and its been a long time without any

[coridallasmultipass]

OMG IT WORKS, I WAS ABLE TO REPLACE THE STRAP WITH A SWATCH STRAP!!!!

Guys, it's been SO LONG since my cheap-ass generic/unbranded watch's strap started breaking, and I had to take off my favourite watch a WHILE ago (you can see the old strap in the bag is completely broken on both sides now, it just crumbled when I picked up my watch to measure it).

I had no clue how to shop for a replacement or which point to disassemble the old strap at! Turns out, it's Swatch compatible! So I went ahead and ordered the name brand Swatch strap for this size, and IT FITS. Well, the strap fits. The Swatch metal posts that hold the strap to the watch body were too thick by a hair and wouldn't slide in the metal watch body. Thankfully, the old posts in my watch were still good to use, since they were original to the watch.

I'm SO glad I can keep using my 2019 impulse purchase. I've already replaced the battery in it once, and now knowing how to replace a watch strap has been a really good skill to add to that. I hate throwing shit out when it stops working, I'd rather repair it, especially because this is a really cool and comfortable watch to me. Yeah it's hashtag retrowave aes, but it also uses a tally system with the LEDs for telling the time/date (as opposed to analog/digital), which is really cool and not something you see often. Also, with the new strap being leather - I know how to care for leather, and it will definitely last longer than the previous plastic that only lasted for a couple years of wear.

I'm so fucking excited.

[lovegalor333]

lord please save her for me

paige bueckers x fem oc

story info • chapter one

hi bbys! thank you for the love on chapter one, part of me wishes i never started this lmao maybe its my ocd but i hate it already but im gonna keep going but i think ill just stick to one shots once im finished with this 🤓

chapter two:

this is why leni didn’t drink often. the pounding head, dry throat, intense nausea and violent shakes were not worth it. the girl had decided that her day was going to consist of rotting on the couch. she was already wrapped in her fluffiest blanket and had netflix playing in the background. riley had left a few moments ago to go to work and leni was glad of it. she felt guilty about kissing paige last night but not guilty enough to stop fantasising about it.

paige clouded her dreams last night. coming to leni in her sleep like some sort of devine sign. she dreamed of what life was like before when paige was a constant in her life. she woke up in bed alone and cold and questioning everything.

it took leni a long time to even look at another girl after paige. but when riley asked her to go for coffee one day all leni could see was her blonde hair and light eyes. if she couldn’t have paige, she would settle for riley and that’s what she did. riley was a nice girl and treated leni well but she would never be paige and deep down, leni knew that all she was doing was filling a void.

there was short knock at lenis apartment door and she considered not answering it because she was too comfortable but she imagined it would be riley, having forgotten something or the other. wrapping the blanket around herself like a cape, she trudged to the front door and opened it without looking through the peep hole.

“paige?” leni was caught off guard seeing the basketball player at her door. hair tied into a low messy bun, grey beanie pulled over her head. she was wearing what paige always wore, sweats and a uconn huskies tee. the silver cross chain that leni was oh so familiar with, hung delicately around her neck. but something leni wasn’t familiar with was the rectangle, clear framed glasses that were perched on the bridge of paiges nose. they were new and it made leni feel something she couldn’t quite place. sadness because it showed change in paiges life that leni had no idea about? attraction because the girl in front of her looked hot as hell with her new accessory? whatever it was, leni had been thinking about it for too long and not heard what paige had said.

“so…” paige trailed off waiting for an answer to her question that had fallen on deaf ears. “sorry- what did you say? actually, what are you doing here? how do you know where i live?” leni asks a series of questions as reality hits and she realises what is going on. paige is at her apartment.

PAIGE is at HER APARTMENT.

“i said can i come in?” paige repeats herself for lenis benefit but she doesn’t wait for an answer before stepping inside. paige looks around lenis apartment, taking in the foreign view. she notices small accents that make it obvious this is where leni lives. the photobooth pictures tacked to the wall, the string lights adorning the window frame, the copious amounts of potted plants dotted around, the place was leni all over.

leni looked different from last night, obviously, but that didn’t bother paige. she always thought the tanned skin girl looked pretty in her natural state. tossled curls, makeup free skin, comfy clothes. lenis beauty had no limit and paige wished she had told her that more often.

“i didn’t actually say yes.” leni mumbles but closes the front door anyway. “how do you know where i live?” after the fallout from her and paige, leni applied to transfer accommodation and her request was granted. in her head, a new space signified a fresh start. somewhere paige hadn’t infiltrated…until this very moment. “it wasn’t easy. money was involved.” paige tells her with a nod of her head. “you paid someone to tell you where i live? that’s the kind of thing that gets someone branded as a creep.” leni says starting to feel awkward, stood in the entrance way, still wrapped in her blanket, curly hair a mess from the night before and her embarrassingly juvenile bunny slippers on her feet.

“i thought it was romantic.” leni rolls her eyes, “paige, please. i can’t have a repeat of last night. i can’t go over all this again. last night was a mistake. we were both drunk and i meant what i said. we need to go back to not knowing each other. it’s-” lenis words were rushed and messy and her heart pounded as she spoke. her body was having an adverse reaction to what she was saying. morally last night was a mistake but for someone who always lead with her heart, it wasn’t.

“i ended it with camilla.” what?

“what?” lenis brain felt like it was turning to mush. from the hangover mainly but also because of what paige had just said.

“i ended it with-“ paige begins to repeat herself but leni cuts her off.

“yeah. i heard what you said. but why would you do that paige?”

“because of you len. for you.” leni shook her head which only intensified her headache, “paige you make me laugh. not because you’re comedically funny but because you’re insane funny. you broke up with your girlfriend for me?”

“yes i broke up with her because of you. not that it matters, but we’ve only been together a few weeks. it was never going to work out. me and her, we didn’t fit. not the way you and I fit, len.” paige gestured between the them and leni understood because she felt the same about riley. both girls were searching for each other in different people. it was an impossible task because to paige no one could compare to leni and to leni no one could compare to paige.

“why now paige? why after all this time?” leni mutters, vlice soft and sweet.

“last night. seeing you. speaking to you. kissing you. i know that all means something. and you think i didn’t try? you blocked my number and my instagram and my snapchat and my tiktok, you even blocked my student email for goodness sake! real mature by the way. you moved apartments. you did everything you could to avoid me. i had given up hope and then last night…”

“last night i was drunk! do you really hate me so much that you can’t stand to see me happy? you just have to throw a spanner in the works?”

“hate? HATE?! leni you are so far off it’s ridiculous. and are you happy? are you really? because you’re doing all this shit that isn’t you. going to parties, getting drunk, you don’t have your nails done and you took your nose piercing out.” leni almost always had her nails done, the most elaborate sets too and her nose piercing was a part of her personality at this point so of course paige noticed when both were absent.

“just because i’ve changed doesn’t mean im not happy.” leni scoffed, taking steps further into the apartment. the close proximity of her and paige was beginning to get to her. she could smell her cologne, vanilla and woody. it was nostalgic.

“don’t give me that bullshit, leni. i know you more than you’d like to admit. tell me you’re genuinely happy. just say the words and i’ll let go. i’ll let you go.” paige had matched lenis steps and was just as close to her, if not closer than she was when they were by the door.

like last night, leni couldn’t say it. leni couldn’t tell paige she was happy because she wasn’t. she was comfortable. she had settled for riley. it was secure and consistent and she was content but she wasn’t happy.

lenis silence only encouraged paiges actions. paige knew if she was happy she would say it- hell, she would scream it. leni was a scorpio and a true one at that. she loved passionately and intensely and she wanted the whole world to know. if she really loved riley and was really happy, paige would have to accept that but that just wasn’t the case.

paiges movements were calculated. soft and gentle, a stark comparison to lenis rushed and needy ones last night. she cupped the shorter girls face, taking a moment to study her perfect features without the the influence of alcohol. her eyes were such a deep shade of brown, almost black. paige truly believed leni could move mountains with a single blink. her lips were naturally plump, with an exaggerated cupids bow that made them so enticing paige felt dread just at the thought of never having them pressed against her own again. her brows were carved into the most precise arches and when she glanced up at paige her lashes were long enough to reach her brow bone. to paige, leni had the type of beauty that the greeks would have carved into marble.

paige traced over lenis lips with her thumb and lenis eyes fluttered closed at the feeling, “paige…don’t.” she breathed out but she didn’t do anything to stop paige leaning down and kissing her. she didn’t pull away, she didn’t refuse to open her mouth to allow paiges tongue to slid in, in fact, she moved her own tongue in accordance. she moved her head to the side to allow paige a better angle. she dropped her blanket and let paige to guide her backwards by her waist, not breaking the kiss. and when her legs hit the back of the couch and paige laid her down, she opened her legs just enough for paige to insert herself inbetween them.

when paige reached for the waistband of lenis pyjama shorts she made a point of looking in her eyes, waiting for the go ahead. leni nodded, in a haze of need and yearning for the girl leaning over her, everything else disappeared. riley. the hurt paige had caused. the months of healing. it all washed away in a wave of pure love. lust. love? lust.

“say what you want, len.” paige needed to hear words.

“fuck me, paige...please.”

thank u for reading baddies! as always let me know if u wanna be added to the tag list 💋

tag list: @unadulteratedcyclepaper @heart4caitlin @jadasogay @avvwritesstufff @bueckersp

story info • chapter one

[gretavanfleetposts]

Give Me Shelter

Author's Note: The long awaited sequel to Make Her Happy that literally no one asked for lol here's the first part

Content Warnings: dirty talk, penetrative sex (18+ minors do not interact), swearing

Word Count: 5.5k

Jake stood on the other side of the door with a grin plastered to his lips that you knew he hoped would make up for the fact that it was him rather than his brother.

It almost did.

It doesn't.

Almost.

"He could at least call me," you said angrily without so much as a 'hello' in his direction before you turned and let him meander through the door in your pursuit. This was an occurrence you were getting all too used to and formalities had been done away with long ago. You certainly weren't in the mood tonight.

"Maybe he was worried he'd feel the icy stare through the screen," he quipped from behind you, placing the bouquet of flowers in his hands that you hadn't even noticed on the counter as he followed you into the kitchen.

"He'd deserve it if he did."

You were beyond frustrated with him truthfully. Josh had sent Jake in his place several times since the first, although the first time had been the only time things had gone as far as they had. But you were beginning to feel like you were dating his twin. Not that he wasn't good to you when he came over. He just wasn't the one you wanted.

Well, maybe it was a bit more complicated than that.

"You want me to fight with you? Let you pretend I'm him?"

"He wouldn't fight with me," you sighed as you rummaged around in your kitchen cabinets looking for a container large enough to hold the full meal you had cooked. "He'd be understanding and sweet and make me feel heard and it would annoyingly take all of the fight right out of me."

"I'll be me then and fight back," he said with a wide smile that you didn't return as you moved to put dinner into the tupperware you had pulled out. But when he saw what you were doing, his brows furrowed and the smile disappeared. "Woah, what are you doing? It's still hot, we should eat it."

"I don't want to. I'm just going to order something," you answered flatly.

"I can do that." He took your wrists in his hands to stop your movements, even as you tried to pull them away. "Hey, wait, stop, I can do it. I'll put it away and do the dishes while the food is on its way. Just tell me what you're in the mood for."

It felt like a dam breaking as you let your face fall into his chest, his arms circling your body as tears began to flow.

"I just don't understand why he can't at least call or give me some kind of warning. He always does this, he does this more and more, and more and more I just feel like an accessory that sometimes he wants to wear and sometimes he doesn't."

"You're not an accessory to him, I promise you." He soothed you with a quiet voice and a hand snaking up into your hair to hold you against him. "He wanted to be here, he always does. It kills him that he's away so much but he really does love you."

"You're off, you have a break. Why are you here and he isn’t?"

"Well, I don't require nearly as much maintenance as that little diva," he answered with a laugh at his own joke. The joke didn't reach you though. It only seemed to solidify the feelings you'd been having more and more lately: Josh didn't have time for you.

"Come on," he jostled you from your thoughts before they could spiral, holding you away from him so he could meet your eyes. "You're hangry. Food will put things into perspective."

Food won't fix this.

Pizza does sound really good right now though.

You swiped tears away from your eyes with the back of your hand and sniffed back whatever waterfall needed desperately to fall.

"Pizza?" you asked quietly.

He smiled.

"Pizza it is. Go put your feet up; I've got this." He nodded toward the living room and with a sigh, you resigned to let him take care of things for the night. But before turning to head toward some actual relaxation, you met his eyes with gratefulness seeping into yours.

"Thank you."

"You can thank me later," he said with a smirk that had your stomach doing somersaults despite your internal reprimanding.

—

"Food's here."

Jake's voice woke you. Well, that and the smell of piping hot pizza. You hadn't realized you'd fallen asleep, hadn't even realized you'd been tired. But needing to cry often did that: lulled you into a frustrated slumber of avoidance.

"God, that smells so good," you commented, stretching and sitting up to make room for him on your couch as he set the large box down on the coffee table.

"I know. Way better than whatever you were cooking." He joked as he took a seat next to you, fiddling with the TV remote while you threw open the box and pulled out a piece.

"Be nice, I'm still hangry," you mumbled as you began eating in a way that betrayed how much the cheese was burning your tongue.

"I mean it," he added, dipping his head a little to see your face better. "You can yell at me if it would be cathartic."

There was a sincerity behind his eyes that warmed you. He always was too sweet to you, to do this so consistently. And surely he was busy some of those times. Never too busy for you though, it seemed. Because he always showed up.

Why do you always show up?

"Wouldn't be the same," you shrugged, abandoning the slice of pizza you had grabbed on a free space of the box as you decided to let it cool a bit more before you burned the rest of your mouth.

You felt his fingertips suddenly brush against your skin as he pushed hair behind your ear almost absentmindedly. And meeting his eyes, you saw more of that sincerity. But this time, your eyes plunged down to his lips, a movement that surely didn't go unnoticed as his followed suit. And you suddenly felt nervous under his gaze, anticipating what he might do as a result of that look and unsure of what that would mean to you.

"Jake…I don't know how much I'm in the mood for date night."

That's not true.

It was an easy way to put a swift end to the tension and had him dropping his hand back into his lap with a soft smile that didn't look the least bit wounded.

Maybe he's just good at hiding it.

"That's fine. I don't have to be Josh tonight. I can be whoever you want me to be."

You knew deep down what you wanted him to be that night but you didn't let yourself acknowledge it. You couldn't. Not before dinner, anyway.

"Can you be my friend right now?" you asked instead, ignoring how hot you suddenly felt and how good the exposed skin on his chest suddenly looked.

His smile widened a tinge as he caught the path of your eyes again but he didn't acknowledge it.

"Easiest thing in the world," he said in a soft voice, sitting back further as if to welcome whatever you were about to lay at his feet.

You sighed and turned your eyes toward the pizza box as you thought about it, the fact that Josh wasn't there and Jake was.

"I'm so proud of you all but it's getting harder. Undeniably. And I just don't see him ever having the time for me. At least not more than he does now. And even now, the time he has for me is…dwindling."

"Have you told him this?"

"No," you admitted. "Not lately and not in those words. With the tour ramping up and having him home this week, I was trying not to give him anything to dwell on on the road. No distractions."

Maybe that was stupid but you hated the idea of him being far away and worried about your relationship. You hated the idea of him being onstage and not being able to fully enjoy it, worried about you the entire time.

"You're part of his life, not a distraction. If he wants to make this work, he'll have to find a better balance. I think he'd understand that if you just talked to him."

Maybe he couldn't make up for the lost time. Or maybe you'd grown too attached to what seemed to always be right in front of you, like you'd been an afterthought for too long.

That's not fair to Josh and you know it.

"Aren't you worried he's gonna stop sending you?" You shot Jake a smile that masked the thoughts you'd begun to spin in your mind. But he only shook his head and sighed heavily.

"He knows I'm not the answer," he said candidly.

You thought about that for a moment before meeting his gaze again and asking the obvious.

"Then why does he keep sending you?"

"Because I'm always free," he suddenly smiled, masking his own thoughts he'd begun to spin in his mind, surely.

You couldn't stop your own smile, even knowing it wasn't the truth.

He was quiet a moment, turning away to face the TV you'd both been ignoring and the pizza that was cooling as he seemed to lose himself in thought. But god, he looked pretty that way. You hated to admit it but he did. He was a good listener and easy to listen to. He'd been your sounding board for the past few months on the date nights he'd filled in for, helping you finish off bottles of wine and working through a list of classic movies one or both of you had never seen. He'd eaten countless dishes meant for you and Josh and even learned the card game you had meant to teach Josh, although he was a much poorer sport than his twin would have been. But still, it had made you laugh watching him try to cheat using the reflection of the wine glass sitting in front of you and throwing the cards all over the table when he'd been caught. He'd only done it because you'd been crying when he had arrived and he was determined to take your mind off the obvious. And then there were the flowers, which were becoming a more common occurrence…

"Did you talk about it the first time after I left?"

You felt like you were pulled out of a reenactment of a dream but you knew without asking what he was referring to.

The first time. When you said filthy things to me and I loved it.

"No. It didn't feel like we needed to. We just woke up and went about our day together."

Like nothing even happened.

"Maybe that's why he sends me," Jake suggested. "He isn't worried about it."

You were unsure what to make of it and even more unsure of what to say. So instead, you nodded silently and reached for your pizza, deep in thought and ignoring whatever Jake put on the TV despite your eyes fixing to it. And you ate mindlessly for what felt like a long moment before you finally spoke again, a half-baked sentiment that was more formed out of anger and frustration than anything else.

"I'm not dating you though, I'm dating him. He could act like it."

Jake didn't turn to you.

"Is this your way of telling me you want me to leave?"

"No. It's better than being alone."

"Well, I'd hardly call that a raving review," he laughed, seeming to fake hurt that was probably somewhat real.

"It is nice of you to do this," you quickly added, getting a glimpse of how it had sounded without.

"I don't mind," he answered before taking a bite of pizza that effectively jumbled his words as he continued speaking. "Not in the slightest."

"Well, to be fair, you got to fuck me so no, I imagine you don't mind."

He looked somewhat shocked as he tried to swallow his bite rather than choke, mumbling out a, "Jesus-", that you didn't let him finish.

"Am I wrong?"

"I don't keep coming over here with my hopes up if that's what you're implying."

Would it be so bad if you did?

"You don't think about it?" you questioned, feeling emboldened by God knew what and hoping, praying even, that you liked his answer, especially given how much you'd thought about it as of late.

Fucking annoying, honestly. He could have at least done me a favor and been bad in bed. Maybe that would have made things easier.

"Of course I think about it," he admitted, "I think about it all the fucking time. It's indecent how much I think about it."

That brought a smile to your face, one that you couldn't stifle even if you tried.

"But I'm happy with whatever you're happy with," he continued. "I don't come over here expecting anything. I'll take whatever you want to give me, whatever that means for you. I told you, I'm whoever you want me to be and that, tonight, is friend."

I don't want you to just be my friend tonight.

You played with the hem of the oversized t-shirt you were wearing, suddenly far less hungry than you had been as you thought about what he was saying and how he had made you feel over the past few months.

And why does he always have to look so fucking good?

"What if I didn't want it to just be friend?" you asked hesitantly, unsure of how he'd respond.

It suddenly felt more dire that he could find a way to make that work too, as easily as he could the friend part.

God, you were nervous.

"Then I'd say can you at least let me finish my pizza before you jump me? Geez," he joked, presumably not taking you seriously.

So you tried again.

"I mean after," you responded with a much more serious look, "when this horrible movie you put on thinking I wouldn't notice is over and the leftover pizza is cold and he still isn't here. What will you be then?"

He leaned forward to discard his crust back in the box and brush off his hands before he drew in a long breath, fuel for the thought he was trying to carefully voice.

"After," he began slowly, "when the movie is over and the leftover pizza goes cold…and Josh still isn't here…" He paused to look at you, something cryptic written in his features that you wished you could shake out of him. You needed his thoughts and his honesty to help you mitigate yours. You felt far too alone in your desires at the moment, the one person who never seemed to hold back finally doing just that. "I'll walk you to your room and I'll tuck you in. And if you ask me to stay, I'll stay. Because I'm your friend."

You gave him an understanding nod and a quiet, "Okay," before turning back to the pizza.

—

You couldn't even say what the movie was about. It was a documentary that had started about aliens but somehow had drifted well into pirate territory in a confusing arc that you clearly hadn't followed. To be fair, you were watching without seeing, hearing without listening, enraptured in a swirl of self-destructive thoughts that actually weren't so self-destructive but more left a path of destruction in their wake. And just as predicted, hands stopped reaching for slices of pizza and cheese stopped boiling over the edges as the air took it to its chilly grave. The movie somehow came to a meaningful conclusion that only really meant something to you because credits rolled across the screen. And Josh still wasn't there.

"You look tired," Jake commented after a moment of sitting in darkness next to you, the only light being the tiny white names scrolling across the screen.

God, how many people could it have possibly taken to make that?

"I could sleep," you lied. Well, maybe you could sleep but that wasn't what you intended to do.

Nonetheless, he nodded and stood silently, taking the pizza box to the kitchen and returning to take your hand and lead you from the couch to your bedroom, implication suddenly heavy in the air as he led.

He said nothing as he stood in the doorway letting you walk past him into the room, nothing as you approached your bed before turning back to face him, nothing as you waited for a move he clearly wasn't going to make on his own.

"I think about it too, you know. The first time…" You trailed off without further explanation, your hands suddenly fiddling with the hem of your oversized shirt as you hoped it incited some action on his part.

Jake was silent for a beat before understanding washed over his face and he nodded quickly.

"I’m flattered," was all he said with a soft, almost shy smile as he finally crossed the room to your bed to pull down the comforter, turning expectantly, waiting for you to get in.

He wasn't typically one to be humble but there was something endearing about the rosy hue growing brighter on his cheeks. It almost reminded you of Josh to be honest. And you weren't sure if that made it worse given how much you wanted him.

Without any warning, instead of climbing into bed as he'd expected you to do, you closed the space between you and pressed your lips to his jaw, reveling in the sound of a sudden hushed inhale as he instinctively leaned into the feeling. But his words, hushed and quiet as he spoke them as if he were hoping you wouldn't hear, betrayed the struggle in his mind that was much less willing than his body.

"I think this is a bad idea…" he trailed off quietly as he tilted his chin ever so slightly to let your lips continue their attack along his jaw. And when he heard no response from you, you felt his Adam's apple bob with a gulp as he mustered up the strength to speak again. "I know that you're upset-"

"You said he wasn't worried," you interjected quickly as your mouth moved to his neck where you felt goosebumps prickling against your lips and tongue. You continued your movements as your hands weaved their way into his linen shirt, only to be met by his hands grasping your biceps as if he were going to stop you but the fight had evaded him before he could.

"I know what I said-"

"I just want to feel you," you said finally, pulling your face away to look him in the eyes and put your desperation on display for him.

He was better than being alone. Far better. And fuck, you wanted him.

He seemed to give in almost immediately as his lips found yours more earnestly, losing himself finally in the way you tasted. It felt like a relief to have his hands on you, any hands really as the nights you'd spent alone had grown longer.

"This is the last time," he murmured against your lips as his hands traveled up under your baggy t-shirt to explore the smooth skin that lay beneath.

You agreed with a half-hearted hum on your lips as your own hands traversed over the thin material of his shirt, slipping downward in search of the belt he always wore. You worked quickly to pull it off, setting your hands to work on the button and zipper as it clamored to the floor.

"I mean it," he mumbled again, never really pulling his mouth from yours entirely.

His hands were warm on your skin and did their best to distract from what he was saying, words you'd process later when your mind was no longer numb and flooded with him alone. If there was a line you were crossing, you'd see it in the morning when you woke, drawn perfectly on the floor and smudged only where you and Jake had danced across it.

"Yes, sir," you whispered that time, pulling back ever so slightly to bat your lashes up at him, only to be greeted with an eye roll in return. But a smile adorned his lips nonetheless.

"Gonna get me in trouble," he whispered back as he shook his head, the rosiness of his cheeks growing hotter and redder thanks to your mouth and hands on him, now prying his shirt from his body to send it floating to the floor.

He pushed into you again, squishing any space between you so you sent your arms circling his shoulders instead. He held you closely too, hands pulling you in at your waist impossibly closer even while he walked you backward toward the edge of your bed. You felt magnetized to him, utterly incapable of prying yourself from him even as the thought of Josh's impending arrival swirled somewhere in the back of your mind.

Jake started with the hem of your leggings, tucking his fingers in and doing his best to work them down your legs without his mouth so much as leaving yours. And when the material moved beyond his reach, he helped you shimmy them down the rest of the way and step out of them. And the moment your legs were freed, he spun the two of you so he could take a seat on the edge of your bed and pulled you into his lap.

Pulling his face away from yours finally and letting his hands drop to his jeans to finish the work you had started, he spoke again in a much more serious voice, gravelly and grave.

"You're going to ride me. Take exactly what you want from me."

It was a little glimpse of the Jake he had been the first time he had filled in for date night. And it was exactly what you hadn't realized you were missing.

"Can you do that for me?" he asked as he freed himself and coaxed you into a hover over him with one hand at your hip while the other pulled your panties to the side.

You were speechless, his eyes boring into yours and his hands guiding you even without your answer until the head of his cock brushed your entrance. Your eyes watered with anticipation, every muscle in your body tense as you waited to feel him push inside. And not a single word formed on your tongue or a single thought in your mind.

"Yeah, I think you can," he answered for you with a smirk on his lips and his hand wrapped around himself, already guiding it into you. "And I'm gonna talk you through it."

With his arm snaked around your waist, he brought you down onto his cock in one swift motion, earning a sharp gasp from you as he filled you, a sudden stretch that felt somehow more delicious than it had the first time. Maybe because you knew what you had been missing out on this time around.

"Fuck, I missed you," you breathed, your eyes falling shut for a moment while your thighs warmed against his and the familiar sting of the stretch began to turn to pleasure.

His hands moved to your hips, finding the skin just under the material of the oversized shirt you still wore and digging into the skin there, not so hard so as to leave bruises but hard enough to keep you steady as you leaned forward to drop your forehead against his shoulder, suddenly overtaken by feelings you didn't quite understand.

He felt the shift, something akin to desperate to have him turned desperate to keep him. He felt it in your hot breath against his neck, felt it in the heat radiating from every point on your body, felt it in the unsteady beat of breaths you were taking, almost overtaken by the fierce pounding of your heart as desire and hurt and guilt all fought to take hold of your body. But he didn't retreat from what he felt, only held you that much tighter.

"Are you still with me?" he asked softly, just above a whisper against the shell of your ear, a brief pause from the man he seemed to become when in your bedroom.

You were with him. Maybe a little too with him, you realized. Josh had sent his brother to the rescue so many times, you were beginning to want to be rescued.

"I'm with you," was all you answered back, saving him from your inner turmoil in hopes he'd let you keep going through it.

He seemed keen to let you, too. Or maybe keen to let himself was more accurate. Regardless, wherever your mind had begun to drift, you were suddenly snapped back into place within his arms as he breathed out a rather unfair, "Good girl," and pulled your hips forward once, sliding you easily along his cock thanks to the slick that had been building since the moment you had seen him standing there at your front door. Shamelessly.

"Shit, Jake," you hissed as searing hot pleasure seeped into your body the longer you warmed around him. It incited you to move your hips, slowly at first, searching for that delicious push and pull and stretch of him inside you that felt like a too-distant memory.

He dipped one arm around your waist as his other curled up over your back to bury his hand in your hair, keeping your forehead pressed into his skin as he mumbled words of encouragement. Not that you needed encouraging. His cock, thick and hot inside of you was certainly encouragement enough.

"Ride it, just like that," he murmured as your hips worked up into a steady rhythm. "Just like that, that's it."

You clung to him as you did, clung to the feeling of being full, of his arms holding you. And it only spurred you on, your movements quickening their pace as you moved around him and the sound of skin on skin and both of your heavy breathing began to fill the room. Gentle curses whispered in nothing but a breath betrayed his always cool and casual demeanor and only seemed to fuel the feeling growing hot in your abdomen.

You slid easily along his cock, up and down, taking him fully each time before retreating. His arms helped you move too, encouraging your pace and squeezing you hard like you were grounding him even though you were certain it was the other way around.

"You're so fucking perfect like this," he whispered against your hair, the words punctuated by a noise you'd never quite heard him make, a shameless moan that you suddenly felt desperate to hear again. But having let the sound slip, he seemed to regain his control as he used his grip in your hair to pull your face back to meet his eyes. They were glassy, almost glazed over with euphoria, his lips parted as he struggled and failed to breath evenly, a thin sheen of sweat forming on his forehead and matting his hair to it. He was breathtaking, as usual.

"Jesus fuck, Jake," you breathed, your voice hitching in your throat as the words turned into a pathetic noise.

"Yeah? Tell me all about it," he asked in a breathy, hushed voice like it was a secret meant only for the two of you. "Did you miss me, beautiful? Does that feel as good as you remember?"

Better.

You gave him a desperate nod, answering all and none of his questions at once, your brows furrowed and bottom lip sucked between your teeth and the tension building within you clearly visible on your face.

He nodded back with a whisper of a smirk on his lips, breathless as he was himself. "Yeah, poor thing missed my cock, didn’t she? Tell me how good I feel," he urged.

"Fuck, Jake, you feel so good," you practically chanted, stealing a moment to gaze down at where the two of you connected while something about blurred lines fizzled out of view in the back of your mind. "So fucking good."

Like you belong here with me.

A groan ripped its way through his chest as his hips began lifting slightly to meet each of your downward motions, driving his cock into your sensitive spot with each thrust and only making you want to ride him that much harder despite the burn creeping up into your knees.

"You take it so well for me, such a fucking good girl," he praised you through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw. "Bouncing on it like you were fucking made for it, that's my pretty girl."

You reveled in his words and the way they heightened the pleasure of his cock pressing against that sweet spot inside of you on each inward thrust, pushing you closer and closer to your own orgasm.

He could see the impending release in your eyes, too, given the way he suddenly gripped you harder and brought his mouth close to your ear to whisper to you his words of encouragement, using one hand splayed flat against the bed to hold you both up. "I know you want to come. Let it go for me, I'll talk you through it just like I promised. I've got you, baby."

Fuck.

"God, Jake," you moaned against his throat, fighting through the strain of your muscles to ride him harder, to take him deeper and faster, wet noises now echoing obscenely through the room.

"Yeah, just like that, let it go," he urged in what was something like half-coherent words, half-moan. "I want you to come all over my cock. Make a mess of me like you're so good at doing." And then a light, "Fuck," after meant only for you.

You were close but it threatened to tumble back downward without reaching its peak, a mental block that you felt you were suddenly fighting, desperately trying to push through before you lost it altogether. But Jake's voice suddenly came softer, finding you in your struggle and bringing you back up to the surface.

"Just relax, let it happen," he coaxed as he took your jaw in his hand to direct your eyes to his, warm and inviting and safe. "I've got you, I'm with you. Just let me feel you."

Fuck.

With his words, you were done for. You felt it ripple through you lightly at first, quickly growing more intense as you pushed your body through it, spurred on by his continued movements matching yours. Your eyes struggled to stay open as it washed through you but watching you and, in turn, you watching him, seemed to push his own orgasm along. His own face began to show the control that was quickly evading him.

Suddenly he was flipping you onto your back, your bodies still connected, and driving into you as his name spilled from your mouth over and over again. Hiking your leg up over his shoulder, he pushed himself over the edge and you along with him for a second time, his hand still wrapped beneath your jaw but his forehead now falling against your sternum as he basked in it and fucked you both through it.

You each came down slowly, neither of you moving from your place where your arms still held one another. If reality was that he had to leave your arms, you didn't want to face it. But finally, with a sigh, Jake withdrew and pulled his exhausted self from your grasp to grab a towel and clean you up, cleaning himself up shortly after.

You maneuvered into the warm embrace of your comforter to watch him move about the room, collecting his shirt and belt and redressing silently before he crossed back over to you. But this time, he didn't join you under the covers. Instead he stood beside you and let his hand cradle your cheek for a moment, looking like he was memorizing your fucked out look. Or just all the little details he had missed.

"You should get some sleep," he said quietly, looking almost forlorn.

"I don't want you to go," you argued immediately, knowing his next steps would either carry him out the door or bring him to your side.

But he only shook his head, much to your disappointment.

"You said you would stay if I asked."

Maybe that was mean to throw at him but he had said it and you weren't really in a good place to be abandoned by another of the Kiszka brothers.

He swallowed hard and let his thumb swipe gently along your jaw. He looked…remorseful.

"Josh will be home soon. I think the two of you should talk. And I don't think I should be here when he gets here."

With only a quick kiss pressed to your forehead, he was out the door without another glance your direction before you had more time to protest, quietly padding through the home to collect his things. It wasn't until you heard the front door shut that you felt truly alone in your own home, wondering when Josh would arrive. And you felt tears well up in your chest and begin to spill from your eyes.

[chaifootsteps]

Hello Chai! No matter how many times I accidentally unfollow due to clumsy fingers (or perhaps Tumblr forcing it upon me, who knows), I am always around to return with just absurd amounts of text (and complaining!) to fill your inbox.

That being said, the sheer amount of differences between Tracy’s merch and Viv’s merch will never fail to astound me. They’re complete opposites of each other-- it’s like Lackadaisy’s merch was specifically tailored to be everything that HH/HB’s isn’t.

Let’s maybe go over some of those differences in mind; keep in mind I cannot provide exact numbers for Viv’s merch as there is too much to count and the majority of it is no longer being sold, and most of my takes on quality have come from the testimony of others. This is going to get long-- I apologize. 

As of now, the Lackadaisy store has five regular plushies, three tater plushies, four face pins, one chevron club pin, a ledger, five pieces of apparel, a singular keychain, four acrylic standees, and a signed bookplate-- as well as prints, posters, stickers, printed versions of the comic, and digital goods such as the HD pilot, the soundtrack, and emojis.

I will only go over the types of merch that both stores sell, as it would be disingenuous and irrelevant to try and compare a mousepad to a sticker pack, and so on. I will also avoid talking at length about something I have no intel about, such as the quality of prints or posters, though I may make base-level comparisons. 

Lackadaisy has five regular plushes to its name, each modeled to fit the specific face shape of the character with plenty of accessories, stitching, and extra details. Even the tater plushes resemble the characters incredibly without much variation on the base shape. HH/HB have tons of plushies of all different types and numerous makers. While some of the premium plushes actually look kind of good, the quality of some of the earlier or “more divisive” ones seems to… vary. (Coughs In McDonald’s toy)

Lackadaisy has four face pins and one chevron club pin, with each having a custom expression made specifically for the pin. There are three face pins that are currently retired, having initially been released limited-time to celebrate a mini-episode, and only one of these characters has a chance of not reappearing in merch. HB has quite literally hundreds of pins, with dozens being released at a time for both episodes and holidays, and bearing a history of being repurposed screenshots, coming out differently than advertised, and snapping in half.

The Lackadaisy ledger has a detailed front and back cover with the gold parts being slightly three-dimensional, gold-rimmed pages, and illustrations on some of the front pages. Stolas’s Grimmoir, I will say, also has 3D gold markings and gold-rimmed pages! The newer sketchbooks, however, do not have this detail, and the front and back covers are flat with simple illustrations. (I cannot speak on the Ozzie’s notebook.)

Lackadaisy sells five apparel items of varying build. The art on them is custom to each piece, and the bigger pieces (like the hoodie) usually have an astronomical amount of detail, stylizing literally the entire thing, even on the inside where you cannot see it. With very few exceptions, the HB merch is simply a black shirt or hoodie with art slapped on the front of it (again, reused) with more recent testimonies claiming that the art will peel or have its ink washed off.

Lackadaisy sells a singular keychain. It is made of zinc and (probably) enamel, has some heft to it, and has detail both front and back. I’m biased because I own it myself, but I do love the quality. HB sells many keychains, about even amounts acrylic and enamel, often (once again) reusing the same art seen across multiple other merch pieces. 

Lackadaisy sells two (count with me, two!) posters, and eight prints which come in two bundles. The posters are made specifically for special events, like the pilot or season one reaching funding, and the only limited-time one I can find was signed by Tracy Butler herself. I don’t know if HH/HB sells prints, but they do sell numerous posters. I don’t see many examples of reused art, and I can’t speak on their quality, so I’ll just leave you with the fact that their numbers, like many other HB merch types, probably surpass a couple hundred at this point. 

Finally, though there’s not exactly an analog for the Lackadaisy bookplate, it still deserves a mention. It has custom art made exactly for it, and once again comes with Tracy’s signature. HH/HB don’t carry bookmarks as far as I can see (though I have found some quite lovely ones on Etsy), but I can’t help but be reminded of the Playbill. Both the bookplate and the Playbill were made for special occasions, but hm, how long did that Playbill take to come out again?

Perhaps it is unfair to compare one to the other. Helluva Boss has two seasons to its name and many more characters, while Lackadaisy consists only of the pilot thus far. (Let’s ignore the fact of which exactly has been around for longer, or how much merch came after the Hazbin Hotel pilot before its full series release.) That, and they’re very different in style.

Perhaps it would have been more fair to compare it to TADC, given both series share many colorful characters, multiple episodes, and an imaginative made-up world. But, I do not buy merch of TADC. I buy it of Lackadaisy. And I think that there is still something to be said about the quality of Vivziepop’s merch, coming from a show that has two seasons, when compared to Lackadaisy’s singular pilot.

The difference in merch quality is astronomical, and it heavily skews in favor of Tracy. Helluva Boss, despite all of its budget and episodes and the money it makes, favors quantity over quality with no regard for its customers. Pins snapping, color washing off, just hundreds upon thousands of examples of the same art piece being reused and churned out in multiple iterations in order to squeeze as much money out of its audience as possible. The merch for Lackadaisy is all made on an individual basis, with art being custom made for a singular poster or shirt. The only place I could find reused art was on the emoji’s, for god’s sake!

The merch has clear love and care put behind it, to ensure that fans are getting the quality they deserve. The advertisements are creative skits instead of glorified slideshows. The website is designed with aesthetic and usability in mind. Tracy answers questions about merch all the time, whether it be about its quality or how long it’ll take to get to someone! She’s not selling much, because she’d rather take the time to make sure that each and every piece comes out perfect, instead of immediately selling thirty face pins copied directly from the pilot, or taking some random pose from a character sheet and sticking it on an acrylic standee. 

If that does not speak to which series is the actual “vanity project” here, then I do not know what will.

100%. I'm thrifty to my own detriment and even if I were less over-the-moon in love with Lackadaisy than I am, I would still have to admit that their merch is some of the highest quality I've ever bought. Literally every piece I've bought has blown me away.

[spleenthecat]

ok ive been thinking about valentin a lot lately so im just going to infodump what i have right now.

first i should say. i dont plan on giving the guy trauma. i know its a whole thing with ocs and that they always have trauma, but i really dont want to do that with valentin. and i have a reason for this. the whole reason i want stan to have a boyfriend like this in the first place is because he deserves to have some kind of stable figure in his life. someone who can comfort him and be understanding of him without their own issues also weighing down on them. valentin is in a place where he is able to be that kind of person for stan. and thats because hes mentally stable enough to do that. okay now for the actually entertaining stuff. valentin is a very gentle and nice guy despite how big and scary he is (and the fact he kills people..) and is friendly with pretty much everyone in town like stan is.

hes very big into parkour and stuff. before he moved to gravity falls it was more urban parkour, scaling buildings and such, and afterwards he got really interested in exploring the forest and climbing the trees. he sees it like a giant playground. its very fun.

him being into parkour is actually what led to him becoming a hitman. i couldn't for the life of me tell you how exactly he ended up with that job, but it made a decent living and he didn't mind it much. but whatever

he has a few piercings. he has pierced ears (which was in the concept art) and ive decided he can also have snakebites and a nose piercing too, why the hell not. he probably has a few tattoos too, but i havent put enough thought into those yet.

speaking of snakebites. he loves snakes. i think everyone deserves a favorite animal and his is snakes. stan is inexplicably terrified of snakes so whenever theres one in the shack or on the porch then valentin is the one to take care of it.

also. remember how i said "dont ask this guy where he was in the mid 80's" on the concept art? well since youre here i might as well give some clarification to that. there were like. "parties" for bears in the 80's in california. he was over there. for completely unrelated reasons. dont worry about it. dipper was one thousand percent convinced valentin was a werewolf when him and mabel first got to the shack. sure, he was really nice to them, but what if it was all a ploy so he could eat them or whatever werewolves do?? plus, he was always running off into the forest to "work out". it was suspicious.. and then he realized valentin was just really active and liked nature. boring.

mabel loovves doing valentin's hair. its so long, the possibilities are endless!! lots of times he ends up just being a model for her, doing different hairstyles or wearing different accessories. its very sweet and wholesome and cool.

soos basically has two dads now. valentin is always there to teach him stuff and give advice. compared to stan he's the voice of reason most of the time. they're very close.

dont think i forgot about wendy! he's close with wendy too! she taught him how to use axes to climb trees more efficiently and other methods of navigating the forest. he taught her how to fire guns. it's great.

and now the best for last. stan.

valentin met stan after moving to gravity falls in order to be more secluded and less likely to be hunted down by cops. this was about 7 years after stan got there, so he was already pretty settled in. they met in greasy's diner and talked for a while, hitting it off. they kept meeting there for lunch and sometimes breakfast, and after a while they grew closer and hung out more often. blah blah blah they start dating its all great. cool!

fun fact. they're unofficially married. they can't legally get married since it was like. the 90's when they started dating and even then the timeline goes up until 2012 where same sex marriage still wasn't legal. but they said "hey even if we can't sign the paperwork (which would be a headache anyways) we can still wear matching rings and live together and basically be husbands but socially instead of legally." and so they're. basically married.

i said in the concept art that valentin is kinda housewife like? yeah. he takes care of the house and stuff while stan goes out and works, and really just. likes baking. it seems out of place considering everything else but he just likes it.

when stan finishes his work day, its immediately to valentin for emotional support and cuddles. theres nothing more relaxing than just sitting back and letting val hold him close. maybe talk about how their days went. domestic bliss and all that.

shockingly valentin is very bad at flirting. but not in the way you're probably thinking. stan will say something like "damn baby youre body is soo beautiful. all of that working out is really paying off huh." and then valentin will reply like "well i think your eyes are pretty and your silver hair brings out the way they shine when you're happy" like how the hell is stan supposed to reply to that. valentin is so stupid /aff

also stan gets flustered very easily around him. no matter how badass you think he looks with his brass knuckles ready to fight, he looks like a pathetic wet cat next to valentin.

ive also had a lot of thoughts about him and ford interacting, but im gonna put that in another post because this alone is already over 900 words and thats too much. so uh. yeahh. hope you like him.

[empty-dream]

Ngl from the moment I first saw her till now, I've always thought that Archetype: Earth from the late 2000s Melty Blood is one if not THE most beatiful and dangerous character Nasuverse ever produced. Hell, she (along with Arcueid) is the first one I'd think of when asked who is the most beautiful blond character ever. I don't know how to articulate it better, but everything about her exudes "inhumane beauty."

There is this dispassionate yet cruel royal aura around her. Big puffy ballgown that's screaming "princess." Feet-length hair that follows the rule of thumb: "The longer the hair is, the stronger the character is." Her slitted vampire eyes are also obvious culprit, but it's not just because of them. Nasuverse vampires and some other species have those same eyes, but hers is just different. I think it has to do with her expressions. Like if you get crushed in front of her, she would just walk away without even blinking or sneer because she is the one who crush you. It's like she's far removed from mortals, with the dignity and cruelty of a higher being. Which she actually is.

And for me it's something that's never been produced again. Not even when Takeuchi has evolved in terms of drawing and coloring skills. It's just one of a kind. Which leads to this thought below.

Tbh idk if this is a hot take and idc either way. Ever since her remake version came out, I've never felt as moved with the new design. (Idk which came first, FGO or Tsukihime Remake artwork.) Like, yes the art is still so gorgeous but some things felt off and I didn't know what exactly those are. And it kinda bugged me from the back of my mind for months. So after awhile I tried to decipher the answer myself.

Let's put aside the Saberface syndrome Takeuchi lately has because that's obvious reason from the get go.

Both have the same puffy white-blue ballgown with golden accent. But the Melty Blood version lacks ornaments like chockers, ribbons and tassels—accessories that royalty would wear. It's as if the Melty Blood version just throws the gown on without second thoughts. I've always considered Archetype Earth as both a supernatural regal big shot and a wild natural phenomenon, so the fact that she dresses like a princess in a pretty simple way enhances that image.

Personaly I like the Remake's blue shade better, but I can't help but be more familiar with the original one lol.

I guess the ankle-length dress is also a notable point. I know the actual combat sprite in Melty Blood has floor-length, and the picture above is her using her power so the hem gets elevated from the wind or something. But I still find the ankle-length to be weirdly unique because most of the time I see this type of ballgown reaching the ground like in the new design. That it somehow shows the heels and ankles just kinda fits the whole "this is not a normal human princess" thing going on.

Hairstyle. From the look of it, it seems the remake version is very emphasized as short hair with longer hair underneath, like Jeanne's. In fact I do dub it as THE Jeanne hair. The thing is, while Jeanne is feminine and dignified, she is noted to be tomboyish back in the day and did went to war leading men. So the combination works. All I'm saying is, that hairstyle has the feminine-yet-tomboyish combination vibe for me. That is not the kind of characterization I get from Archetype: Earth.

I much prefer the original one, just make it fully long behind the sidebangs. It's a bit vague but even if the original is actually short hair with longer hair, it is far less pronounced.

Note that I actually haven't read or got majorly exposed to the Tsukihime remake, so I don't know if there is already an explanation or characterization change for her in Tsukihime. Things I get are from FGO and since I think FGO kind of expands her characterization more, I can let it slide with its design choices. When it comes down to it, I just have my own taste and interpretation as well.

[sadnightforus]

HARD TO LOVE  (KHJ)

ex!hongjoong x gn!ex reader

SYNOPSIS: It’s been months, exactly 7 at that. And every time that Hongjoong shows up vulnerable at your doorstep, drunk and vulnerable, you let him back in for another night. 

WORD COUNT: 3.2K

WARNINGS: beware of the substance usage like alcohol, cigarettes and all that, distant behavior from hongjoong, full on angst emotional angst (think about how exes feel), a little cuss word that is avoidable.

PART OF HEARTBREAK STATION

A/N: this is legitimately my favorite song. I will not shut up about it. I hope I do this song justice with this fic (even though I might not be satisfied)

SONG USED: HARD TO LOVE BY ONE.

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

 It’s 2 in the morning and yet, you’re unable to sleep. 

 Your mind keeps racing, you don’t really know why. But you’re restless as you keep tossing and turning in the comfort of your own bed. You have an important day ahead but you feel uneasy and you can’t always count sheep or think of something that relaxes you to put you into a dreamland. Damn you and the seasonal insomnia. 

 You try your hardest to not touch your phone as you’ve been cutting contacts from social media and spend more time in real life, to remind yourself that life outside is beautiful too. 

 Who are you really kidding? You just can’t let yourself type his username into the search bar and stalk him again. 

 You know that your relationship with him was not an ideal love story at all. Even your friends tell you so, something they do when they sense that you’re thinking about him. 

 You first met him at the club, kissed and lost touch with one another and the only thing you both remembered each other by was the steamy kiss you both shared and the names that sounded like a mantra the more you said it. The unexpected reunion at your favorite coffee shop that eventually led to him asking you out and becoming lovers but soon enough, it’s damaging your own mental health more than anything. 

 It’s what you’ve been trying to tell yourself. 

 You hear a loud knock on the door and the rhythm is almost sloppy, not very steady and sober like. You were worried that the poor door might’ve been broken down until you realize that your place itself has thin walls and anything within 7 feet away can be heard loud and clear. 

 You’re sure that it might be Hongjoong, the man you thought about earlier but you didn’t want to be wrong. You quickly get out of bed, searching for something sharp enough to use as a weapon in case it’s an intruder. 

 Another knock makes a loud and invasive noise against the door, this time with a much faster rhythm. A slurred whine can be heard and this time you put down your weapon. 

“Can you open the door, please?” 

 It’s him, once again, drunk out of his mind and sound totally wrecked, unlike the guy you know who had his guards up and was tough. 

 You don’t want to, knowing that it’ll eventually fuel him to see you as his unofficial live-in guest who never goes home when he’s incredibly intoxicated. But you can’t help it as your legs already had a mind of its own and walked directly to the door, twisting the doorknob to let him in. 

 As you have expected, he is absolutely wasted. Totally hammered as he can barely stand up or walk straight without stumbling and almost tripping many times. You wonder how much he trip before making his way here because your place is on the 3rd floor. Someone might’ve dropped him here or he just significantly got even more drunk by the time he made it to your place.

“Sit down here, I’ll get some water for you.” You say, guiding him to your soft couch as you help him to seat himself down. 

 You take one look to fully observe him and tonight, he wears a long thin coat and only a black mask as an accessory. Way different from his usual style which consists of leather jacket and the black ripped skinny jeans pairing with some sharp earrings. He almost looks like a gentleman, the kind of man who you’ll introduce your family to after just 3 months of dating. 

 You open the fridge as you pour a glass of water, then grab the said glass and you tell him to drink up. Which he complies, gulping on the cold water that is relaxing in his throat. He puts the empty glass down as he fully lies on your couch, with you by his side, watching his every move like a hawk. 

“I miss you.” 

 God, there he goes with his drunk shenanigans. 

 You bite your lips, containing yourself from saying out the things you might regret letting him know. It’s unfortunate that he tells you he needs you and every sweet things only when he’s drunk. 

 The thing is, Hongjoong really does love you. Just that he doesn’t know if you’re also aware of that or understand that completely. 

 You don’t know if he does, or is it just in a wave of moment that is easier to admit when you’ll wake up in the morning and forget it. But you surely also still love him. Somewhere deep down, you know that the attraction was never about the superficial qualities, but it was something that only both of you can feel. Something much deeper and unknown. 

 He’s afraid of how deep his feelings run for you too, which is why he kept on the tough act and kept his distance from you most of the time. But god, is he addicted to making bad choices. And is he so addicted to you and the love you gave that he keeps running to your place when he’s just way too drunk, for the sole purpose of finding his home and to be honest with you. The alcohol was his courage drink because he’d rather act like a complete asshole than opening his heart fully like this. 

“It’s not hard to love you. But you’ll find it hard to love me. It’s also hard to love you when I can barely feel your love and I’m just like this… Gosh. I don’t know what I’m saying at all.” 

 It’s like a string of realization that has finally been broken inside of you. And for him, it’s like a scrabble of thoughts that has been scattered and repaired again as he begins speaking more. 

 He had never spoken this much at all, let alone with such sincerity that you were skeptical. Because the previous time, he would always tell you that he missed you and that he wanted to give it a try again but he’s scared of rejection and that he’s not stable enough for you. 

 It seems like tonight, he’ll be saying more than just few words or so. 

“But I mean it, it’s not hard to love you when I’m sober but when I’m… I can’t feel it. I can’t really tell it.”

 He’s slurring more words, like one of those new records that you bought with a shitty quality and half way into the playing time, it breaks down and starts scribbling into an indescribably odd sounding. 

“I wanna look at you, hear you say all those things again.” He sighs, head is tilting and the body is slightly moving due to trying to balance and his eyes keep occasionally close due to his non-sober state. 

“I don’t wanna be drunk like this anymore. I wanna keep looking at you but.. I can’t see anything clearly right now.” 

 There are tears, now forming in your eyes that are threatening to spill. 

 You know he’s being honest, even if his words don’t make sense in this state that he’s in right now. You can always tell that he really loves you, even if it was unconventional and almost in a non-traditional way. His love can be felt, not seen or heard. 

 That’s why you’ll always keep the doors open for him. 

“I’m sorry. I know you probably hate me now. I didn’t treat you like you deserved to be treated.” 

 He can feel himself almost break down into tears as he finishes off with this bang of a statement. 

 He’s so fucked up, completely fucked up. He knows that, he is aware of how unstable he is since you both broke up but he doesn’t want you to know that. 

 Every night that he doesn’t show up at your door, he can’t sleep at his own place. He struggles with insomnia since you decided to part ways with him for good due to many differences and you feel like you both can’t offer each other things you crave for anymore. He understood that but he always selfishly tried to keep you around for longer, knowing that his lack of improvement will continue to worsen the relationship and now he just went down the rabbit hole that is hard to get out of. 

 Sleeping pills were the only thing that kept his mind from bursting. Too many of his late night thoughts were always about you and the ‘what ifs’ that he never got the chance to act on. 

“I wanna change for you. I wanna try. But I have so many problems… but it’s not enough. So I’m sorry.” 

“Hongjoong.” You command his attention. “I never asked you to be the perfect man, you know that.” You tell him, tears are now slowly falling from your eyes. 

“But all I ever asked for is that we loved each other. I just wanted you to be yourself when we were together. I never wanted you to hold back on your feelings.” 

 Even if his side of story didn’t make sense to you at first, you really understand it as you remembered what he usually said when he’s this intoxicated and right now, you figured that he has a fear of real, deep intimacy because of his attachment. You observed him enough to know that he tends to get obsessive with certain things and hobbies and talking him out of it was no use, but you figured out it’s how he showed love. So you never understood why he never showed the same kind of behavior towards you too, up until now. 

“You know I always asked myself, why did you push me away? Why did you never want to explore the depth of our relationship? Was it something I did? What had I done for you to be so afraid of opening it up to me? You’ve always been hot and cold. You were sweet and the most loving man for a minute but the next, you suddenly turned your back and became the coldest man I’ve known. It’s complicated.” 

 You let your tears fall. You’re not fully crying but if this drags on any longer then you might be. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, shaking his head while keeping it low. “I’m so fucked up, aren’t I?” He lifts his head a bit to look at it. Only then, did you notice that his eyes are a bit unfocused but all of this talk makes him more sober than before. 

“I get attached way too quickly. I pushed you away because I’m so scared that history will repeat itself. But what I had told you before, it’s the truth.” He then continues. 

“I told you before, I’ll die if I don’t have you in my life. You may brushed it off as a joke but it’s true. You’re the only person who I told most things in my mind to, even if it’s so little. I knew that you’re the only one I’d need to be in my life in that way from the first time I saw you. Not during the relationship, the breakup or now.” 

 You’re shocked by this statement. 

 You didn’t take your ex boyfriend to think of you like that. You didn’t think that you left a strong impression on him but apparently, he thinks of you otherwise as you’re left to let his words soak into your consciousness. 

“I’m afraid of how deep my feelings run for you. Because there were people who told me it’s suffocating that I’m like this. I’m afraid that you’ll be like that too when you no longer need me, that you’ll be burdened by how intense my emotions are.” 

 He looks at you like you’re the only thing in his life that matters the most to him. And you are. 

 He just needs another chance to make it right. 

“I know I’m being so fucking selfish by keeping you around but I just need you in my life.” 

 With that, he lets a few stray tears escape from his eyes. As he desperately tries to find something to hold onto to find the balance in the current emotional state he’s in, you mindlessly extend your arm for him. He does, gently caressing the soft skin of your palm with both of his hands. 

 If he had more mind and awareness, he’d never admit that and leave you to think to connect the dots on your own. You’re not stupid but sometimes, he’s just expressing his affection in the most puzzling way possible. 

 He misses his sobriety, he misses being with you. 

“Since we broke up, I’ve never been sober. Whenever I was, I’d need to take sleeping pills to get me to sleep because I can’t  stop thinking about you.” He confesses, not to seek your sympathy but he just wants to admit this and see how much the breakup has been hard on him too. 

“Why would you do that to yourself?” You ask, tears now dried but the hurt is evident in your voice. 

“Because you’re not around.”

 You can see how broken he is, from the wavering tone in his voice. 

 His eyes, now shimmering with the dried unshed tears, beg for you to say what he wanted to hear. His own self built persona breaks especially in times where he has no control over his emotions, thoughts and speech or physical movement. 

“Do you know why I always let you in whenever you’re drunk like this at my door? Because… I still love you.” You then sigh, take a look at his face as you had promised yourself nights and months before that it’ll be the last time you’ll ever let him in. 

“But you know that we can’t always have things our way. I care about you a lot. I can feel your love for me. But it’s tiring that I have to chase after every tiny bit of your attention.” 

 You pause your speech, feeling your throat turning dry as you spend the time admiring the beauty that is your ex boyfriend. 

 Even if he is a mess, he’s truly the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. So beautiful that you don’t think any other man you’ve seen will come close to him. Many people would have agreed with you because he’s not only physically attractive but his demeanor is unique too. 

 He is unforgettable. Truly magnificent. 

“Don’t hurt yourself because of me anymore. I don’t think I’m worth that much of a person that you need me as a survival person.” 

 Hongjoong’s heart grows heavier with this phrase that left your lips. It’s really his confirmation that he’s not welcomed back into your life in the way that he longs for anymore. 

“No!” His outburst surprises you. “You’re worth everything!”

“You’re all I ever need.” 

 The last phrase was said with a whispery tone. 

“Overtime, you won’t. You’ll meet someone who can love you and need you as much as you do with me. But I can’t be that person.” 

 His body grows colder at this moment as the heat of the alcohol intoxication mow wears off and it slowly seeps into his system. He slowly regrets saying all of that but he knows he needs the proper talk. 

 You both need closure. 

 And you both also need to move on and forget about each other. 

You knew this for a long time but now, you make up your mind to really do it. 

 Everything from his speech, to his scent and actions really messes with your thoughts tonight. It’s ruining you because his desperation and needs for you runs deeper than just for sex, but for emotional and psychological fulfillment. 

 It’s why you kept letting the doors open. 

 You’re usually logical and you give chances too many times. You did that and now the confessions make you reconsider every move and thing you’ve said to him. You ask yourself if you still really meant what you said. 

 But you’re determined. Determined to not let yourself fall into this trap of his charms and neglect again. And no matter how much it hurts you because of the hidden love you have for him that will forever be buried deep there and would go unnoticed, you also have to let him go for your own good. You can’t handle this kind of love, if that’s the treatment you receive while being in a relationship. 

 You have too much pride and perhaps, self respect, to go back to him like that. You’re not gonna let history repeat itself. 

 Silence completely falls onto you both. He feels tired as the exhaustion from both the mental battle between his heart and his head and he lets go of your arm, silently stares at your now unattended palm. 

 It’ll be the last time he’ll see you. 

 He tries to savour the moment of your presence being so close to him a little bit more by fighting his sleepiness to look at you without saying a word. 

 He knows that deep down, he should’ve let you go a long time ago. He has been nothing but such a nuisance to you, yet you treat him with so much kindness and care that he took your actions for granted. Now that you draw the lines, he regrets for all of the time that he does this. 

 His intense gaze looks at you, drinking in you and your essence. It’ll really be the last time he gets to talk to you like this, or even have the privilege to say things to you if you both bump into each other on the streets. Or even have your house architects and rooms memorized by heart. 

 He’ll have to pretend that you never existed. 

 He can do that… he used to before knowing you. Now it’ll be a task for him to not have any thoughts involving you. 

 His eyelids become more droopy and he finally lets himself completely pass out on your couch. You don’t have a heart to tell him to go away; it’ll really be the last time that you’ll let him walk into his place freely as an uninvited guest. 

“You’ll forget all of this in the morning.” You whisper, careful not to be too loud while looking at him. “I’ll never stop loving you. I never hate you. I can’t hate you even if I tried. You’ll be staying at the back of my mind every day for the rest of my life.” And you finish it off with a phrase before you get up quietly to go to your own room to sleep. 

“I don’t hope that you know that, though. You’re hard to love when you’re like this, too.” 

COPYRIGHTED BY SADNIGHTFORUS, 2023

[blukutz]

i send you long sappy ask. because clover is in a reallly good mood and that means i have to send you something so i can get some of those feelings out. what to say.. what to say about THE blu.. my angel giggles.. besides the fact i think youre super cool and super talented and pretty and nice and sweet and interesting and the thousands of other words i could use, lets settle for cohesive paragraphs :D what to pick this time.. lets talk about just how comforting you are this time around! ive expressed it, id like to say im super vocal about it, but youre such like a.. a really, really nice person to talk too! as you know, your clover has anxiety (dwells within the social kind..) and its usually so, so difficult to talk to someone without almost bawling afterwards, even though that sounds dramatic.. its been exceedingly easy with you! i feel like you can see the switch when i got more comfortable, but i legitimately find so, so much comfort in talking to you, in your blog, in your person! im so, so happy you give me the time of day because it makes me jump and giggle and roll around in my own happiness.. even if you didnt, id definitely still lurk on your blog <3 besides that, i think youre so incredibly talented in like.. EVERYTHING you do!! beside the art, which i love sm, i think your art tastes just as sweet as honey <3 i think youre just a talented person, or at least one thats so endlessly interesting! the way you talk is captivating and the youre so good with creating things?? ik you go to a school for that (i believe? hopefully clover is remembering that right..) but to do it in your free time is like.. wooowww.. it actually leaves me stunned.. creating your own accessories? your own pins? making designs for merch? (even if they wont be pursued, still is cool asf) youre so artistic and amazing and interesting, i think i could learn everything about you and still thered be more to know.. im sorry i had to break it to you like this.. but youre actually the only kangel in my mind.. the only person i really correlate with the character (despite her being so popular over here..) i hear a song from nso? yep, thats blucoded. see kangel? yep, thats actually blu. id say im fonder of nso not even because the gameplay or the characters or the music, but because when i see it, i think of you and thats enough for me to be fond of something <3 ok thank you for reading whatever this is, if you took the time to look over it.. i luv you soooo much, hugging you tightly <3 -🍀

bwaaa im crying at how cute this is....your long sappy asks always make me so happy

im happy you're comfortable and that its easy talking to me.....i luv u

i don't rrly understand how my words/how i talk can be captivating to anyone....but im rlly flattered...

you thinking im the only kangel is making me giggle like crazy ehehehe

i love you so so so so so so so much clover i love you thank you i always appreciate you taking the time to write me so many kind words...im giggling...i love you

[thoselethalarts]

ℙ𝕙𝕠𝕓𝕠𝕤 𝔹𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕣 - ℙ𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪

(SR) Lab Coats (Part 2): "It’d Make This Exchange a Lot Less Fun."

(Ignihyde Dorm: Lounge)

(Phobos appears to be working on something intently. A gentle hissing noise and smoke is wafting up from before him as he’s leaning over one of the tables in the lounge)

Phobos: Hm…

Ignihyde Mob A: Well? How’s she lookin’?

Phobos: …Pretty sure that’s about it. Just needs to get cleaned up a bit and it’ll be good to go.

(Phobos holds up the finished piece: a freshly printed and soldered circuit board.)

Phobos: Here it is. Should fit right in place to where the old one was installed in the server bay.

Ignihyde Mob A: That’s so cool…! I didn’t know you could just make those so easily!

Phobos: It’s not that hard. Just takes some time to learn how to do, like any other skill. Phobos: All that’s left to do is let it cool and plug it back in. Let Idia know I’m gonna have that server back in working order soon enough.

Ignihyde Mob A: Yeah, for sure!

(The mob student takes off down the hall)

Ortho: That’s impressive work, Phobos Banner! You almost can’t tell the difference between the old circuit board and the new one, outside of the damage to the previous component of course.

Phobos: It better be impressive. I’ve been doing this for long enough that I’d hope my skills would translate to a print this simple at the very least.

Ortho: I’m a little surprised that you were able to make this circuit board without any assistance or machinery outside of an iron and a soldering gun. Ortho: With my “Precision Gear” equipped I’m capable of performing many intricate and minute tasks that would be difficult or otherwise impossible for a human hand to perform. Ortho: It has many tools and accessories that make it especially well-equipped for handling various medical procedures, but it can also easily be used for mechanical inspection and repair as well. Ortho: My brother requested me to assist you with this task for this reason, but… aside from fetching you a few requested items, you hardly needed my help at all.

Phobos: Like I said, I’ve got experience with this sort of thing. I’ve been doing this for years now since I started learning how to build my own electronics from scratch. Phobos: It helps to not have “human eyes”, too. My vision is better than most peoples’ in this dorm, easily.

Ortho: This is true! Your hands are quite steady too. You’re practically made for this kind of work!

Phobos: Heh… Appreciate the compliment. Phobos: Anyway, I’m gonna start cleaning up my materials. Since you have the small hands for it, why don’t you take this circuit board and reinstall it for me back in the server for me.

(The sound of footsteps clack against the floor as someone approaches Phobos from afar.)

Rook: Bonjour! Rook: I apologize for the delay, Roi du Poison required my steadfast presence and I could never say no to his demand.

Ortho: Oh! Good afternoon, Rook Hunt!

Rook: Monsieur Doll, a pleasure as always, as well~

Phobos: You actually showed up, huh. You really must have a death wish.

Rook: If it is by your hand it would be a death worth having experienced. I must admit, I’ve become slightly addicted to your penmanship.

Phobos: Ugh… Don’t make this weird. Here.

(Phobos hands a folded piece of paper to Rook)

Phobos: You remember our rules, right?

Rook: Oui.

Phobos: Good. Go ahead and read it whenever you want, then.

Ortho: Eh? A piece of paper?

Rook: Oui, but it is not just a simple piece of paper. Rook: Written upon its surface is a delightful dance of poetry and prose, with words so tantalizingly powerful they rewire the very fabric of your being. Rook: Never before have such simple words ever shaken me to my very core, hijacking my very essence and liberating my being from the very shackles of life to bring me momentarily to the edge of nirvana. Rook: It’s truly an artistry! A rush of adrenaline, of life, like none I have ever experienced before!

Ortho: Really?! Phobos Banner, I had no idea you were such a poet!

Phobos: …It’s not exactly like that.

Ortho: Aw, but Rook Hunt seems to really admire your talent! I’d love to read some of your work, too!

Phobos: You- …Actually. I’ll think about it. It’d be interesting to see what a non-human reaction would be to it. Phobos: Speaking of- you before said your currently equipped body is best suited for medical assistance. Do me a favor and stick around for a minute.

Ortho: Oh? Is something the matter? Are you feeling ill?

Rook: Ugh-!

(Rook collapses to the floor with a thud)

Ortho: Uwa?!

Phobos: No, but he probably is.

Ortho: Rook Hunt! What happened?! Ortho: Commencing emergency bio-scans. Ortho: Oxygen levels decreasing rapidly. Blood pressure levels dropping to dangerously low levels. Cause of emergency appears to be caused by sudden seizure of lung muscles. Ortho: No viral presence detected. No venomous presence detected. Ortho: Commencing emergency resuscitation.

Phobos: That won’t be necessary, Ortho. He’ll be fine.

Ortho: Wha-?! He’s going into shock, Phobos Banner! He’s very much not-!

Rook: (Gasps, then coughs roughly) It is... okay, Monsieur Doll... I am okay.

Ortho: Ah!! Rook Hunt! You’re… okay? Ortho: Scanning… Blood oxygen levels normalizing. Blood pressure levels normalizing. Lung function normalizing. Ortho: How is this possible…? I’ve never heard of the human body recovering from shock this quickly before. Ortho: This note…

(Ortho picks up the note Phobos previously gave to Ortho and begins reading from it)

Ortho: “The body and mind intertwine; two halves are now one whole. The mind becomes acutely aware of the body’s breath. The mind becomes aware that it must think in order for the body to breathe.” Ortho: “The mind detests its exhaustion. Detests the command to further breath. Detests that it must process an unconscious action in order to sustain the body’s life. Lecherous and co-dependent, a leech that takes and never returns.” Ortho: “The mind sets flame to its bridge to sever this connection of perceived toxicity. The mind seizes the body’s muscles, focuses on the chest, to stop the churning of oxygen through blood and flesh.” Ortho: “Ribbons of capillaries tie together into knots, unable to be separated. Serpents intertwine in a delirious dance of death.” Ortho: “In its fit of perceived righteousness the mind realizes still that the body and mind are one, and should one fall, the other shall follow.” Ortho: “The bridge is only just alight, flames lick shallow against the boards that hold its weight against the pull of gravity. The mind stomps the flames into the dirt. The bridge is left unburnt.” Ortho: “Ribbons untangle, deadly lovers separate from their dance. Air and blood flow free through muscle and bone.” Ortho: “The mind and body become two halves once again. The mind is no longer aware of the body’s presence. Perceived co-dependence fades into hazy memories.” Ortho: “Memories drift listlessly, ash in the wind trickling from the boards of a once-charred bridge.” Ortho: This is… ah!

Rook: Ohh, Phobos… you’re a truly dastardly devil. Your words hold such power, such conviction. My body cannot help but follow each delicate letter’s command so tentatively.

Ortho: You-! Phobos Banner! You used magic against Rook Hunt through the words written on this note! Ortho: You could have killed him! This is no better than if you had poisoned his drink and watched him collapse in front of you!

Phobos: Relax, Ortho. I’m not going to kill him. It’d make this exchange a lot less fun if I did. Phobos: My unique magic “Terror Black” doesn’t take effect unless the entirety of the contained message is read in full. If he at least glosses over the fail-safe I included at the end he’ll be fine. Phobos: Granted, I haven’t tested on what happens when I rip part of the message out of the original text… Hey Rook, I think I have an idea for a new abstract work I think will really take your breath away.

Rook: Tease me not, I can only become so enraptured in you before it becomes truly detrimental to my health.

Ortho: Rook Hunt, for the sake of your health I must recommend you not to continue in this reckless behavior.

Rook: Non, non… Monsieur Doll, despite your lively attitude you’ve yet to understand that which a human heart truly craves.

Ortho: Eh…?

Rook: The human heart craves beauty and artistry that truly envelops its entire being. True art and beauty can still the senses, numb pain, and steal away the body’s consciousness in a trance. Rook: I’ve never before in my life experienced such art that was able to perform this duty so literally… I feel fortunate that I was able to find someone so beautifully talented! Rook: Besides… it would betray my hunter’s blood to back away from a deadly challenge such as this. I must see this path through to the end, otherwise I’d never find the satisfaction I so dearly crave.

Ortho: I suppose so, but still… this seems to be too illogically dangerous for me to recommend at all in good faith.

Phobos: I’m not forcing him to take part in it; he can stop whenever he wants. Phobos: But… if you’re still interested in reading some of my “poetry”, Ortho, I can write you something special, just for your eyes only. Phobos: I’m a little more than interested to see how a machine might react to something I usually only let human eyes see.

Ortho: I’ll have to decline. Now that I know your intentions, I can’t find any merit in taking part in such an experiment.

Phobos: Eh. Offer’s on the table if you change your mind. I'm not gonna hurt you. Just... poke around a little on the insides. That's what this is all about. Phobos: I know my way around machines way more than I know my way around human skin. If there’s anything you could trust me with, it’s your safety. Phobos: You saw my handiwork earlier, at any rate. If there’s a couple things I’m skilled in tinkering with, it’s chemicals and circuitry.

/ End

[spectralstitions]

I thought it would be fun to show off the result of FOUR (4) ENTIRE YEARS OF DESIGN PROGRESS!!! The first design was made in March of 2020, the second in May of 2024! Even though he looks completely different now, he's gotten so much closer to my vision. I guess that's some form of design improvement!

Silas has always been a difficult character for me to design. I created him a few days after creating Finlay for the purpose of giving Fin some kind of companion to play off of. But I think because of that I never really figured out what to DO with his character. His personality has always remained about the same, but what about his ambitions??? his goals in life?? He wasn't much more than an accessory to Finlay, and none of the ideas I came up with stuck around for very long.

For most of the time I've had him, he was a runaway prince, which I eventually scrapped because, although I thought the romantic aesthetic of that was very fitting, it was just creating problems with the worldbuilding and I really had zero interest in exploring any of its practical implications. For a little while he was an astronomer and/or astrologer, and even though it made sense for his star theme, I dropped that too because honestly I just had zero fun learning about that stuff in order to write him. The prince thing evolved into him being some kind of chosen one character who didn't really care about his destiny, but that was quickly scrapped as well because, well, I just think chosen one stories are boring.

So, yeah, I was really stuck on his character for a long time, which is why I stopped drawing him for so long. UNTIL NOW! Earlier this year, I realized I could use the fact that I didn't know what to do with him. I did some reflecting and realized I would be INCREDIBLY interested in exploring the effect that a relationship like his with Finlay has on a person: when you center all your hopes and dreams on one person and nothing else. Realizing it's not working for you anymore, but being unable to admit it because it'd be like throwing your entire life away -- but you're miserable going on without addressing it. So here he is, finally: a naive and lonely guy with a romantic worldview, who gives up his current life for the promise of a more fun and fulfilling one, courtesy of his first love. 'Course, things don't exactly work out in the fairytale way he was hoping for. His arc is about a lot of things, but much of it has to do with him figuring out his place in the world. Very coming of age vibes, even if he's probably a late bloomer in that regard, much like me haha.

Although he isn't a prince anymore, I've always envisioned him with somewhat regal looking clothes, so I incorporated that into the worldbuilding of his people. Or, well, the forestblood, anyways. They've got a gothic aesthetic that I love leaning into, but in a regal, delicate way, with inspiration from various goth design tropes translated through my particular fantasy lens.

Another thing he's lost over the years is his star theming - sort of. This is yet another point that I actually put into the worldbuilding. So instead of his design emphasizing stars, now it's his backstory. (which has to do with the section about the desert I wrote in this post!) Seeing the stars again is more of a goal now that represents his yearning.

A lot about his current outfit is meant to reflect his naivety, romanticism, and his interest in adventuring. He's got elements that pull from ideas of adventurer clothes, but with extra flourishes and some impracticalities. For example, wearing a long cloak with tassels isn't the most practical thing for navigating dense woodland, and neither is an ornamental knife. But he just sees a cloak and a knife, the kinds of things travelers have got in stories (and lord knows Finlay embellishes his stories).

Another thing about his shadowy cloak (and his overall color palette being relatively monochrome) is that it symbolically reflects who he is in regards to his relationship. If you're a Crane Wives fan, you could say he bore the shadows that Fin made with no light of his own :P

Across all my ocs, I've also made it a goal to simplify their color palettes as much as possible. I don't want my color palettes to include any colors that are only slightly different from some other color on the palette. The only exception to this rule is for eye color, since I think a slight difference like that helps to draw the viewer's eye to the face, which is important. This is something I used on Silas, actually! He's just a great example of everything, isn't he!

It's been really fun seeing the evolution of my ocs' design elements as I accumulate a better design vocabulary, especially with the outfits. Silas has nearly always had a cloak, gloves, and some kind of tassel and clasp situation. Intuitively, I knew these elements needed to be there in order for him to feel like Silas, but they never felt quite right the way I incorporated them -- UNTIL NOW!!!!!

His asymmetrical, fancifully clasped cloak and top are in line with the worldbuilding. Horned and antlered raswa wear them to emphasize their (very loose equivalent of) masculinity. His "gloves" are now an extension of his top, meaning I no longer have to worry about creating contrast between the gloves and his shirt and his cloak while making all three darker than his skin. Also, instead of the dark part on his legs being boots, now they're his darker colored fur and hooves, and instead of those vaguely defined pants he's got leg wraps and puffy shorts with specific textures. He's been streamlined, specified, and made more cohesive! I'm very happy with the result!!

[scourgefrontiers]

oh right uhhhh spiritual talk under cut bc ive been thinking about it

so some of u may remember when i practiced buddhism like..two or three times. lol.

the reason i gave up on it each time wasnt out of boredom or something like..malicious or whatever. it was bc i genuinely thought i couldnt live up to the teachings of the buddha. i couldnt understand how i could properly practice buddhism without messing up or doing it wrong or not understanding it in the right way, and i felt bad for not doing it right, so i didnt do it at all.

one of the big hang ups i had with buddhism was how it teaches forgiveness. like, forgiving everyone no matter what basically, bc if you hang on to these feelings itll cause suffering. and for a long time, up until last night actually, i didnt understand how this was possible for me so i didnt think i could live up to that standard.

but after talking with ruby last night i realized my perception of forgiveness was like...wrong? i always equated forgiveness with "thinking everything is okay now" which isnt what forgiveness is i dont think. we talked about it and now im under the understanding that forgiveness is letting go. its not allowing these ill feelings and bad people to own you anymore and live rent free in your head. its not a requirement to feel ok with what happened, its not a requirement to say "yeah its fine now and what you did doesnt matter anymore". its about letting go of them and not letting them rule you anymore

i think with that understanding i feel like i finally understand that part of buddhism? and. god i feel really silly for saying this. but im considering taking up practicing buddhism again. i hate looking so flaky with spirituality like this since ive been an "on and off buddhist" for years and i dont want it to seem like im treating it as an accessory because im not. i just feel like theres a Reason i keep getting attracted to it and coming back to it. idk. maybe i wanna try again after all

another thing that kind of hung me up was the meditation and mindfulness part and i gotta tell you as someone with unmedicated adhd these two things are SO hard for me lol. but honestly i dont think it matters as much as i thought it did? i do believe in reincarnation which aligns with buddhism, and i know for a fact i dont have to get it all right on this try, or even on the next ten. if i struggle with meditation and mindfulness in this life for one reason or another, then i'll get it in another one. its fine. life is a cycle until you reach nirvana and i am not about to reach nirvana tomorrow LMAO

so erm. tl;dr i might take up buddhism again after i look into it more bc now i have new understandings of things i struggled with before <3

[fraglance]

BELONGING

by: fraglance

I belong to moments – moments where I can see and recognize they are fleeting while I'm living and mournfully savoring every second, yet love them all the same. Moments that end up encased in a box that lies in my mind. But this does not mean they are forgotten about at all. No, they become faint reminders, or even words that I either repeat or words that echo in my mind when my emotions are painted blue.

I'm broken up into millions of pieces, where there are small fragments of my being messily, imperfectly scattered everywhere. Where there are parts of me that make these moments their home. This is how I can still say that I'm right at home, where I've always been, my heart full to the brim with love.

The coffee pot is whirring, my mind is at bay, the clock in the other room ticks to where it's in sync with the beats of my heart.

That version of me hasn't experienced much change. Metamorphic change. She may have experienced it in some ways, sure, but no yet the kind she feared. She hadn't known that in only minutes, she'd be knocked off her course. It'd threaten to happen before, in glimpses of disdain. In snide, off handed comments easily sprinkled throughout conversations involving her parents.

The world had tilted on its axis when she was told 'I can't even stand to be in close proximity to you – a lesbian' by her own mother.

So, of course, there are some moments I wish I didn't belong to. Even after years.

But there are positives that sometimes are able to withstand each negative, because one of the previously said moments manage to tug at my already loose heartstrings in a way most others never could. And –

"Miel, are you okay?"

My fingers curled around the 'summer breeze makes me feel fine' mug that I haven't taken a sip from in however long instinctively tense up at the sound of Elko's voice, calm but weary. I seem to come back to life then, because all of my surroundings unblur with a few blinks; the round table in the middle of my cold kitchen, the wooden, nearly spotless floor, the jingling keys in Elk's hand – they all become clearer to me. It's like I've just been given glasses after being blind to faraway objects, though it only boils down to me being unaware of everything around me.

Not wanting them to see me so vulnerable, I attempt to hide the vulnerability; my tears, my longing for the version of me that was able to let my guard down around them. I attempt to hide it all by lightly rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, the sleeves of my 'Forever Chasing Sunsets' hoodie I'm wearing.

I can feel the burning question on the tip of Elk's tongue as they gaze; their eyebrows are pulled back as they run their fingers through their hair, the familiar gold ring that was given to them as a gift from Mat not far from getting caught in the curliness of it all. They slip their car keys in their jean pocket.

(They'd met Mateo when he hesitantly asked to come over to my place to get the last few lines of our band's song right. Elko and I are close to where I don't mind if they're in my home when I'm not, so we found them on my couch with a bucket of ice cream on their lap. It was theirs, thankfully. I vividly remember when they'd put it on the grocery list with a smiley face beside it.

Anyways, Elko eyed Mateo's ring the entire time we conversed, and since Mateo had, and still has, many beautiful accessories, he gave it away with a soft grin and a 'Admire it for me.')

A couple strides and Elko's closer now, gentle smile unwavering. I contently eye each of their movements as they lean their body against the table, then fiddle with the aforementioned ring, twisting it seemingly without knowing.

The realization that they've been waiting for me comes in the form of a sigh from my side. How long have I been inside my head?

"You've sat here for an hour," Elko answers for me. I let out another sigh, this one longer, as I tightly closing my eyes.

Yet again, I've let them down; this is the third time they've tried, and failed miserably, to get me out my house this week. I believe my every move alarmed them, at least in the slightest, as seconds after silence engulfs the room, they add, "All love."

I know It's their way of saying I don't mean any harm, I don't want to pry. I don't, I don't. But are you okay?

And I love them for it.

I allow a small smile to creep upon my face as my tight grasp on the mug loosens. I take a sip of coffee to hide the blooming grin that forms so effortlessly as a result of Elko, and instead tell them, "I'm okay," as I ignore the tinge of disgust the coffee subjects my tongue to. "I'm okay now, Ciervos."

Acting as if I don't hear the sound of their scoff and the protests following, I bring my teal and now-empty mug to the full sink. By standing on my tippy toes, I'm able to reach the highest cabinet to get a mug – specifically Elko's mug. It's matte blue with a constellation scattered across it. They told me (over the café chatter; the sound of drinks being drunk; the whir of the espresso machine) the name of it: Orion. The radiant glimmer in their eyes was more prominent than ever as they exclaimed, 'Y'know, it shines 85,000 damn times brighter than the Sun. The Sun!'

"I am not a red deer," they murmur with an eye-roll, still simultaneously twisting their gold ring when I glance over at them. They almost immediately give up on their mock annoyance, smile fond. The outwardly random nickname originates from Elk, which is a deer, a red deer, in Native America, or ciervos – the Spanish word for it. On the other hand, it's a simple play on words; another version of dear.

"Okay, Ciervos, whatever you say," I murmur, retrieving a jug of white milk from the fridge. The words I belong to moments not only echo in my mind, but reverberate in my chest. It is the sheer reason for the rhythmic calamity of my heartbeats. I belong to the stars and found families and mutual love.

I belong here; not the physicality of it all, so perhaps scratch that. I belong with Elko and Mateo. They make up each and every one of the moments where I feel at home.

[pushspacetocontinue]

"Nah, not really," Travis said, "It all helps that we have some common interests too though. We all like games for instance. It helped that we all grew up playing them in some capacity I guess, and books. I don't really read as much as my brothers did, but I had some books I loved. Alice in Wonderland was Lewis' favourite story. He would read that one to us all the time while we were growing up."

He smiled softly at that memory.

"We all like music and movies too," Travis said, "But I do like hearing my other bros talk about what they enjoy, even if I don't always understand or remember. It's just nice to hear them taking joy in things."

Travis laughed a bit.

"Yeah, well, kind of," Travis said, "I don't do it as much as I'd like to. But it became another outlet for me while I was in prison. Got a long way to go with learning, but I like doing it."

Travis nodded.

"I suppose that's fair enough, and it's your body, you can do what you want with it," Travis said, "But you've adapted even if your shadows do come from there."

His head perked up a bit on hearing the radio changing again, as he kept driving. It seemed wherever they were heading, they might be have been getting close.

"It would have certainly left me a lot more paranoid, and cautious about practicing my monologues, my laughing, and my theatre lines between reading and playing the games Willow gave me to play while I was here," Antonio said, "It was certainly a good time to practice my lines for my upcoming performance in Hamlet."

"I can imagine," Leofric said, "But I feel like you are doing well at discovering its potential, especially if might have been forgotten for so long."

And Rook was putting it to good use from what he had seen. If Russell had also known that Rook could have made it scarier, he would have appreciated the fact she hadn't a lot more. Right now, he was not in the mood for anything like that.

"Heh heh..." Russell's cheeks darkened that little more when Lucien made that next comment, "Well, I'm, I'm sure I, I can get some, some nice peach, nice peach bubble tea in, in the shop for, for when you're, you're in. Th-thank you, Rook. That, that means a, a lot."

It really did, considering just how things had been when Russell and Lucien had met for the very first time. So much had changed, and for the better.

"Oh is it?" Antonio asked, "Then I shall find a way to wear it without losing it in that case."

Perhaps he could get somehow get it fitted into a necklace or other kind of accessory.

"It's certainly safe to say I learned my lesson," Bill said, before his eyes widened, "Aww, you got me a little pressie. That's so sweet of you."

He then grinned in absolute delight when he saw the gold in the pouch.

"Oooh, now isn't this something? We could forge something really nice with this!" Bill said, "Thank you, Rook."

Leofric managed another fond smile on hearing that. It seemed that he had been right in that Bill would want to smith something with Rook again. But then Bill turned towards the door.

"Ah, is that our grand exit out of the pocket?" Bill asked, "It was a fascinating visit, but if we're ready to go, then I certainly am too."

It seemed he was looking forward to where they might have going, perhaps it was because Bill was simply with his found family, so he was happy to go anywhere.

"Rea-ready when, when you all are," Russell just said then.

Willow was glad they were all on the same page and welcomed the change of topic. While she enjoyed hearing about all the ways Travis and Erica terrorized people growing up, she'd rather learn more about the brothers they had yet to meet and file that information away for later.

"I take it having conflicting interests doesn't represent a problem for you." Willow mused.

Erica grabbed the seats as she shot forward. "You can dance? That's so cool!"

"Erica, don't scratch the seats. We'd like to use this car again." Nevertheless, Willow found her double's enthusiasm endearing.

"No claws." Erica said, before she nodded again, "Yep, it's a thing. There are many kinds of elves, some harder to find than others. I just wanted a normal back because I had enough of having extra holes in my body."

The survivors just didn't get that the bullets only slowed down the special zombies. Her tail and ears were enough to satisfy her elven pride and set her apart from the others. She didn't regret the decision at all.

"But I guess that it had some use because that's kinda where some of my shadows come from." Erica added, leaning back again.

Willow was quiet as she messed with the radio again. They were getting close to their destination, they had to be ready to make their entrance.

It had to be handed to Rook that she was certainly showing great self restraint there. She could have attempted so many things to make the pocket far more creepy.

"Yeah, it'd be unnerving to be in here with that kind of background noise." she replied, "Especially since you're never truly alone. There are a couple of fellows in particular that you don't want creeping up behind you. Being constantly on the lookout for which noises you didn't make would be exhausting."

And dangerous, considering the aforementioned prisoners in question.

"I'm just salvaging the pieces, really." Rook added with a shrug, "Between the Brotherhood guys shoving an entire building in and this place being essentially abandoned for decades, it's like we're discovering it for the first time again even with the instruction manual available."

"Even I wasn't aware of its full potential." Veronica admitted, "Although, I'm sure all that energy will be put to good use."

Rook chuckled, "Like I could get any sassier."

"You can't?" Lucien had a coin flicked at him.

"Well, I don't mind the approval. I never exactly got much of a chance to share my interests, being told I'm good at things has the same effect bubble tea has on Lucien."

"I'm well over that. I'm into peach flavored drinks now." Lucien protested.

"Oh, I bet you are. But I'm happy for you guys."

Lucien gave her a skeptic look as they got ready to go again. At least he got a nice bag of gold out of this. It would cover for the small fortune he spent on retrieving his cuffs.

Veronica hovered by Antonio as he put the coin away for the time being. "Chick's magic trace is embedded in that thing. It can be tracked down, so I wouldn't be so quick to put it in a drawer, if I were you."

Not that she could have much of a say in the matter. Veronica knew her limits and for now she would feel satisfied knowing she got a chance to mess with Bill. It was harsh being the responsible parental figure, she never got a chance to mess around.

She put on her stern look as they approached, feeling like having fun a little longer, and let Rook go ahead to check on him.

"Ah, nothing much, we stopped by the gift shop." Rook replied, "We grabbed something for you too. I figured you might have some fun with it."

And she hoped she would get to join in again. It had been nice working together to reverse engineer Ratchet's gadgets. She would have liked attempting some other project.

A new portal opened nearby, ready to be used.

[laurettabeier66]

Buying and Selling Cosplay Costumes: Tips for Saving Money in the Second-Hand Market

The second-hand market provides a valuable opportunity for cosplayers to buy and sell costumes of all kinds. Whether you want to make a bit of money on used clothes or need space for new ones, consider these suggestions when posting your offers online.

Why buy and sell cosplay costumes?

To create or purchase a costume, cosplayers often spend a lot of time, effort, and money. However, many wear the outfit only a few times before they feel like it is time for something new. Particularly for those who prefer to stick with what they know but still want an upgrade now and then, selling allows you to get something back for your investment while helping another cosplayer find something affordable. Conversely, buying second-hand costumes offers high quality without the expense of new ones.

How to buy cosplay costumes on the second-hand market?

1. Place to buy

There are various places selling second-hand cosplay costumes:

Online Marketplaces: Websites like eBay, Depop and Mercari have all kinds of second-hand cosplay costumes.

Cosplay-Specific Platforms: Websites such as Cosplay Marketplace, the Cosplay.com forums and Facebook groups are dedicated to cosplayers selling or buying costumes.

Local Conventions: Some conventions will have a space for attendees to sell and buy costumes in person, usually known as “swaps” or “dealer’s rooms”.

Read More: Recommended Locations for Cosplay Photographs

2. What Is the Reputation of the Seller?

When making a purchase on the online platforms, always examine the seller’s ratings and reviews. Product descriptions that are overly brief do not cut it–look instead for detailed information on what you are buying, along with clear photos.

3. How to Purchase Cosplay Costumes Online

Pay close attention to character measurements. All cosplay costumes look good on the model. They may or may not look good on you. Request additional photos, including close-ups of the fabric, seams, and any potential damage.

4. Look for Minor Flaws You Can Fix

Repairs to stain minor clothing blemishes can be done almost without cost. Given what it costs to have such shops do their work, I would add that if a costume is damaged but the price is significantly lower you may buy and repair it yourself or take it someplace like this for repairs.

5. Compare Prices and Negotiate

First, compare the price of the costume with similar listings. Check if you’re getting a fair deal from the seller. Many sellers are open to negotiation as long as you offer them a respectful price–don’t be afraid to make an offer!

How to Sell Cosplay Costumes Effectively

1. Clean and Repair Your Costume

If a used costume has been well maintained then it will sell more easily and for a higher price. Before you list your costume for sale:

Wash it following its cleaning instructions or using the fabric care system that is appropriate for its type;

Repair any minor damages like loose threads and missing buttons; and

Iron or steam the costume until it looks nice in photos so people are attracted to paying top dollar for your product.

2. Take Nice Pictures

Good photos are important in getting people to buy your cosplay costume. When photographing your costume:

Take multiple pictures from all angles.

Vital There is nothing like a wide shot of the whole costume to let potential buyers see right away whether this is what they want.

Show close-ups of any details, like embroidery, the way you have sewn things together, or accessories you have added to make it really come alive.

Be up front about any flaws. People can see these later when you both agree on what time is convenient for them and you to meet at a neutral place where they will try on the item (or if they should be sent back home before trying on) without any words spoken or emotions involved.

3. Write a Detailed Description

When you place an ad, make sure to include:

The character and series the costume is from.

Your size and exact measurements for this type of clothes.

Fabrics used.

The outfit’s condition (e.g., “worn once at a convention” or “minor scuffs on boots”).

Accessories included with outfit (wig, gloves, props, etc.).

4. Set a Fair Price

When pricing your costume, please think about the original price, condition, and demand. Costumes for popular anime, games or movies sell faster and can bring in higher prices. If you’re not sure, go check what other similar costumes are selling for.

5. Be Responsive and Honest with Buyers

Reply promptly to potential buyers’ messages and give more information when needed. Be honest about any wear or damage in order to avoid disputes and negative feedback.

6. Choose a Secure Payment and Shipping Method

Use secure payment platforms such as PayPal or Venmo in order to avoid scams. When you are shipping, use a tracking service to ensure that the costume arrives safely at its destination.

BUYER AND SELLER PRACTICES

However, there is a more humane way when people do sell their dresses. Such as those who have a need of another costume can swap one out for an existing outfit, or sell that item to someone else.

Read More: How Do I Make My Cosplay Photos Stand Out with Post-Processing?

Extra Tips for Buyers and Sellers

Buy out of Season: At conventions, popular cosplays are at lower prices.

Bundle Accessories: If you’re selling a costume with props and wigs, tie them together instead of one-stop.

Check Out Customization Options: Some vendors provide alterations, which can be very useful if you need any changes.

Avoid Scams: Deal should seem true, then newly?Pay-After : Payments are only possible when using secure transaction platforms such as Pay-Pal or Venmo.When ships, use a trackable service to make sure the item arrives.

Last Word

Sending old clothes for resale in the community is a great way for both buyer and seller to save money as well as thank the person who gave you the new idea about what to wear next. It has also increased the cosplayer community‘s overall level of recycling. By following these suggestions, you can maximize your benefits; off-load your costume efficiently; and make cosplay an environment that is healthier for everyone involved. Whether you are looking for a distinctive new outfit or whether it’s time to pass on a dearly loved costume, the second-hand market is an opportunity to keep creativity alive.

But it is, of course, still up to you whether to buy or sell costumes now that you know how it’s done. If you have an experience or advice for buying and selling shirts, share them in the comments!

FAQ 

Where can I buy second-hand cosplay costumes?

On eBay, Mercari, Depop in addition to cosplay-specific marketplaces such as Cosplay.com forums and Cosplay Marketplace. There are also Facebook groups dedicated to cosplay sales. Occasionally at some conventions there are booths where costumes are resold.

How do I ensure a second-hand costume fits me properly?

Always check out the measurements the seller has given you, don’t rely on label sizes alone. Accurately compare these measurements with your own, and if necessary ask the seller for more details or pictures of the costume being worn.

How should I price my used cosplay costume when selling?

Consider the original price, condition, popularity of character, and demand for the costume. Costumes from a trending movie or anime in general will sell at a higher price. Also, research similar listings and set a competitive price.

What are some red flags to watch for when buying used cosplay?

Avoid listings with poor quality photos, vague descriptions, or sellers who are unwilling to give you more details. Also, be cautious of excessively low prices, as they may indicate scams or very low-quality items.

What is the best way to ship a cosplay costume after I have sold it?

Use a reliable shipping service that provides you with tracking and insurance to make sure the costume reaches its final destination safely. Properly fold and package any delicate parts of the costume, so that there is no wrinkling or damage in transit.

Source: https://urcosplay.com/buying-and-selling-cosplay-costumes-tips-for-saving-money-in-the-second-hand-market/

[bunchofknowledge123]

Brighten Up Your Child’s Room with the MOB Animal Night Light

It is always fun and at the same time sometimes could be very tasking to try and decorate a child’s bedroom. You would like to have a proper workroom and, at the same time, have fun with your child; you would like your child to feel protected and creative. The MOB Animal Night Light is used conveniently in children’s bedroom or playroom as it provides light and brings cute design to the room. Here is why, this night light is among the best.

A Soft Glow with the Animal Night Light

MOB Animal Night Light gives a kind of glow which is suitable for children’s bedroom. It should also be noted that such non-concentrated light makes the atmosphere quiet and does not have any negative impact on the psyche of children, thus helping them to fall asleep. This isn’t simply a night light; this is something more, a magical presence that can warm up the space.

Long-Lasting Battery Life of the Animal Night Light

Another quality that I like about this MOB Animal Night Light is the battery life that is offered. Due to its long battery life which allows up to 10 hours of continuous light, one is assured of a softly lit child’s room the whole night through. Say ‘no’ to middle of the night lighting changes – this night light is built to light up your nights.

Convenient Micro-USB Charging for the Animal Night Light

Handling the charging of the MOB Animal Night Light is very easy since it uses a micro-USB port connection. This practically useful innovation allows to recharge the lamp by connecting to any standard USB charger. People who use this night light can easily power up this product at home or wherever they are without stress.

Safe and Secure: The Animal Night Light for Optimal Use

Security is the number one concern when it concerns items that are going to be used by kids, and this light is no exception. It is made with the security features that would enable the use to be safe and efficient. It has a firm and sound foundation; thus, it has a solid construction that offers parents a sense of security for child’s furniture.

A Multicolor Delight: The Animal Night Light’s Shade

Something to complement this feature of the MOB Animal Night Light is the Multicolor that it comes in. Entirely, the presence of these colors can blend with any kind of room décor giving it a unique appearance. Regardless of whether the bedrooms of the house are painted in light and gentle pastel tones or intense primary ones, this will be the perfect night light, to give some color and fun to the environment.

Lightweight and Portable: The Animal Night Light

The MOB Animal Night Light is rather light in weight; it only weighs 400 grams, thus it can be easily moved around. When you are shifting from the bedroom to the living room or packing for a sleepover at grandma’s, this night light is so lightweight. Due to its small dimensions and low weight it can be credited to any household as a useful accessory.

Painted Finish for a Stylish Look: The Animal Night Light

The color which has been applied to the outside of the MOB Animal Night Light elevates it to a classier product. Remarkably, this is not only a beautiful finish to the lamp but the surface also generates an additional layer of protection. The paint is durable and does not peel or fade and this assure you that the night light does not lose its new look for years.

100% Satisfaction Guarantee with the Animal Night Light

This is a core principle at MOBILITY ON BOARD – we always strive to keep our clients happy. For the MOB Animal Night Light, customers are given a full money back guarantee so you have nothing to worry about. However, they sometimes produce puzzles and if you come across any, their efficient customer service department is willing to help. Such a guarantee also represents the firm’s promise to deliver quality, creativity and functionality of the products.

Conclusion The MOB is not just a light for the animal lovers out there, it brightly complements anybody’s children room. It comes with soft light, long battery life, easy charging and safety and adds aesthetics to any environment. The Multicolor shade and painted finish eliminating the Mundane look provides it a fashionable look which makes it Can be a great addition to the interior décor. In addition, MOBILITY ON BOARD customer satisfaction guarantee assures you of the quality product as well as the good customer service support on the product that you are buying. Make your child’s room brighter with this amazing and adorable MOB Animal Night Light, which is functional and cute at the same time.

[thenonconformistcurmudgeon]

Won’t You Be My Neighbor

It takes forever in Maine for Spring to come.  When you can finally take a walk sometime in April on a day when you aren’t bundled up in a down coat, gloves and knit hat, you are incredibly grateful.  Feeling the warmth on your face on a sunny day with the temperature in just the 50’s is glorious.  I was out walking in my over 55 community on such a bright day feeling like the winter was easing and warmth would return, when I saw down the lane a nemesis. He wasn’t really an adversary but more of a nuisance. In fact, he seemed to like me and always wanted to chat me up. Carl was a nice enough guy but he wanted to talk to you or at you incessantly. He was poor at reading boundaries to when to end a conversation. It is hard to give him the brush off as he is either lonely or bored in retirement.

As I see him coming, I’m thinking how I can give him a bit of a cold shoulder without being obvious. I’ll bring up the weather briefly and simply move on. Here we go.  I say, “beautiful day isn’t it”.  Carl says, “yes, very nice, but we can use the rain”.  I can say yes and simply move on but my oppositional nature kicks in.  I know I will regret it but apparently couldn’t help myself. I say, “you know, I can do without the rain. I don’t like the rain.  First of all, it is wet, it is cloudy when raining, unless it is a sun shower and it prevents me from being outside, doing stuff I like, and windshield wipers are annoying.”

I knew this would set him off as he does not understand my humor, and he starts going on and on about all the ways the rain is important like I’m some kind of idiot, educating me on the connection between rain and living organisms. While he’s yapping, I’m thinking why is it always “we need the rain”, as the word “the” is unnecessary. It should simply be “we need rain”. People always put the word “the” in the sentence as if by adding “the” it magnifies the importance of rain as in “the rain”. The word “the” is already the most used word in the English language.  I see no reason to add to this distinction by adding it to rain.  I already can’t figure out why the NYC borough of The Bronx has The in front of it.

I see another of my lost soul neighbors is approaching, neckerchief man. He almost always wears the neckerchief.  I could understand a man wearing it if you have a scar or large oozing pustules but I have seen his neck and it there is nothing unusual about it. The neckerchief seems like an odd accessory for a man to me. It is fine for sailors, cowboys, farmers, and villains but to choose it as an everyday adornment seems curious to me.

As neckerchief approaches, I���m thinking about how I can leave these two together and exit gracefully. Neckerchief plays his role by accident to perfection as he approaches, he says, “what a spectacular day”.  As expected, Carl chimes in with “yes, but we need the rain”.  I then jump in and say, “you know, sometimes we get too much rain”. This has the planned effect as Carl takes over talking about growing up in Johnstown Pa. and the history of the floods which I have been subject to twice before. I then go to make my exit leaving poor neckerchief the subject of Carl’s overtalkativeness by saying, I need to finish my walk before I go out and buy some new dungarees.

This too has its intended consequences as the anachronistic term dungarees is generally no longer used, having been replaced by jeans a long time ago. Their stunned look was typical to what I usually encounter when using the word dungarees instead of jeans and simply walk away. I enjoy using terms such as dungarees or undertaker that no one uses anymore. It is a connection to my own past that I enjoy keeping alive and further legitimizes my self-conception and aggrandizement of non-conformity.