#i also won over 2 of the 3 dogs

[avatar-aaang]

im really doing this hanging out thing. I think im even doing it right

[crystallinestars]

If They Were Your Pet Cat (Part 3)

This won the poll, so here is part 3. My HCs on what Gepard, Ratio, Dan Heng, and Sampo would be like as your pet cat.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore

Links to previous parts:

Part 1 (Genshin)

Part 2 (Aventurine, Argenti, Jing Yuan)

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Gepard:

🛡️ Norwegian Forest cat

🛡️ Gepard is the most dog-like cat you have ever met. Much like a dog, he sees you off when you leave your house, and greets you when you return. He enjoys playing fetch more than chasing after a string, since it fetch gives him more of a workout. He’s also easy to train to perform tricks since he understands and obeys commands quickly. If you wanted, you could bring him to cat agility tournaments and do fairly well in the competition.

🛡️ He is incredibly loyal to you. While he’s welcoming and accepting of your loved ones and lets them pet him, he only listens to you. He doesn’t obey their commands the way he does yours. He might comply if your relative gave him an order to come here, but won’t do tricks and such for them. If you tell him to come here, roll over, play dead, etc… Gepard will comply without hesitation. He’s that trusting and loyal towards you.

🛡️ While to you Gepard appears harmless, in reality, he’s a force to be reckoned with, even for a house cat. If he sees you welcome someone into your home, he assumes the person is important to you, so he welcomes them in turn, albeit with some initial suspicion. That’s why he’s so accepting of your loved ones. However, if someone enters uninvited, especially if it’s someone he doesn’t know, Gepard won’t hesitate to growl and threaten the person to leave. His fur stands on end to make him look larger, and his teeth and claws are bared, showing that he means business. It’s usually enough to discourage anyone from trespassing. If not, then he’ll alert you with a loud yowl if you’re home, or go in for an attack. Furthermore, if someone makes you uncomfortable in your own home, Gepard senses your discomfort and is immediately at your side, ready to attack if the other person tries anything. He has no reservations about using his claws and teeth for the sake of protecting his owner.

🛡️ Due to his long and thick coat, Gepard requires regular grooming. Based on the somber expression on his cute little muzzle, you can tell he doesn’t enjoy being bathed and groomed, but he soldiers through it without struggle or complaint. As mentioned previously, he’s very loyal and trusting of you, so he understands that what you’re doing to him is not dangerous and is for his own benefit. Giving him praise about how much of a good boy he’s being, seems to help warm him up to the process.

🛡️ While he’s not a huge fan of being pet, but if you spend some time gently petting his head or brushing his fur, he will relax and accept the attention. He purrs and kneads at whatever is under him, clearly enjoying the experience. You try to give him gentle pets as a reward for waiting for you to come home and keeping watch of the house, and it works to deepen your bond with him.

🛡️ He’s vocal when with you. Gepard often communicates with you via chirps and low meows, using them as a means of calling you over for something. When you leave something cooking on the stove and forget about it, Gepard smells smoke and meows at you to come over and take care of it. If you haven’t unloaded the washing machine for a while, he calls on you to let you know its done. He just wants to help his owner stay on track.

🛡️ Once the two of you settle into a daily routine, Gepard expects you to maintain it. He’ll be unhappy if the pattern is broken. If you oversleep, Gepard is there to wake you up. He’ll meow and walk all over you until you get up and feed him. It’s great for when you sleep past you alarm since it prevents you from being late to work/school, but it’s not so fun on the weekends… Similarly, Gepard expects you to go to bed at the same time every night. He’s used to going to bed together with you, so if you stay up late, he’ll sit nearby and glare at you, tail twitching in dissatisfaction. If you don’t get his hint to abandon everything and head to bed already, then he’ll quietly meow to get your attention.

Ratio:

📘 Is a Bengal

📘 Ratio is an extremely intelligent cat, but he has a nasty attitude. He’s very prideful and stubborn, and despite your attempts to discipline and train him, he refuses to bend to your will. If anything, you’re the one bending to his. He’s not a troublemaker, but if you piss him off enough, Ratio can resort to knocking items off shelves or swatting at your face (with claws retracted, thankfully) in retaliation. If you scold him for his behaviour, he simply glares at you with his ears flattened to his head and tail flicking, as if daring you to say more. Everything about his body language screams he will swat you in the face if you say another word.

📘 If he messes up big time, such as breaking something important or accidentally nicking you with his claws, then Ratio accepts the scolding with a guilty expression. The flicking of his tail indicates he’s not happy to sit through your verbal lashing, but he’s smart enough to understand that what he did was bad for you. Despite his prideful attitude, the feline doesn’t want to cause you too much trouble, or so you like to think.

📘 You find out that Ratio is unusually intelligent for a cat soon after adopting him. He enjoys playing with cat toys that serve as a puzzle he must solve to get a treat. Ratio also observed how you open doors, and devised his own methods of opening them despite not having hands. He also likes to sit beside you on the bed or desk when you read books, in particular textbooks. As a cat, there’s no way he knows how to read, but you frequently catch him staring intently at the pages. It’s a mystery as to what is going through his mind during those moments, but it sometimes unnerves you how he seems to be studying the images. Aside from books, Ratio also enjoys watching TV, especially if it’s a documentary where he can observe various animals. He’s smart enough to know that what’s on TV is not in real life. If you bring something new home, Ratio takes time to thoroughly sniff and inspect whatever that something may be. He’s very curious and enjoys interacting with new things. That said, he also requires a lot of exercise. He’s a large and muscular cat for his breed, and requires ample space and playtime to run around and burn off excess energy.

📘 Despite being a cat, Ratio considers himself your equal, if not your superior. Back when you first got him, you had placed some cat food into a bowl on the floor for him while you sat at the table to eat. Ratio had expressed a clear dislike for this arrangement, climbing onto the table and angrily meowing at you. You expect him to eat kibble off the floor like a common cat, while you eat a freshly cooked meal at the table? Absolutely not. Know your place, human. After several consecutive sessions like that where he angrily yowled at you for constantly shooing him off the table, Ratio now eats at the table with you. He always waits to eat together with you, so if you skip on a meal or are late to eat, he’ll make his dissatisfaction with you known.

📘 On the topic of food, Ratio dislikes eating cheap cat food. He likes healthier cat food brands which usually end up being more expensive, but he especially likes it if you cook his meal yourself. Some cooked chicken, fish, or seafood make him a very happy cat. He’s a spoiled cat.

📘 Ratio dislikes loud noises, so if you have noisy guests over, he will usually hide. He developed a habit of sticking his head inside a small paper bag you had lying around, and wearing it on his head until the guests leave. You’re unsure if he’s trying to block out the noise or trying to hide, but one thing for certain is that he becomes very upset if you remove the paper bag from his head. The bag must stay.

📘 Ratio typically isn’t into being pet or cuddled, so such occasions with him are rare. He does, however, enjoy it when you scratch under his chin. He tends to close his eyes and purr when you lightly scratch under his chin. Another time he allows you to touch him freely is during baths. Ratio is probably the first cat you’ve ever met that loves baths. He seems to always be eager to hop into the tub and soak in the warm water. He lets you clean his body without complaint, seeming to enjoy the pampering. He’s patient while you dry and brush him, but he expects you to do a good job of grooming his fur. If you’re gentle enough with the brush, he might lean into it and purr in enjoyment.

Dan Heng:

🐉 Is a Dragon Li (I had to)

🐉 Dan Heng is a reserved cat. He prefers to spend time alone, away from the chatter and activity of people. You can often find him sitting by a window, pensively staring outside at the world beyond the glass. You can only wonder what he’s thinking about with such a somber expression. What kind of troubles do cats have on their minds?

🐉 If you have guests over, then Dan Heng hides. He dislikes crowds and loud noises, you’ve noticed. It’s rare for him to come out of hiding to meet guests. If he does, he tends to keep his distance and peers over the corner at whoever you have invited. Once his curiosity has been sated, he’ll leave without interacting with your guest at all.

🐉 Dan Heng is pretty antisocial, but he’s more amicable around you. While he doesn’t humor your guests when they try to play with him, when you’re the one dangling the cat toys or laser, Dan Heng engages in play with you. He also lets you get away with more than you think. He tolerates it when you play with his paws or rub his belly, even though he doesn’t actually like it. You’re also the only one he allows to pick him up.

🐉 Despite purchasing him a cat bed, Dan Heng doesn’t sleep in it. He acts a bit awkward around it, as if not knowing if it’s for him or not. He prefers to sleep on the floor, usually on a comfy rug. With some time and patience, you can coax him to sleep on your bed but know that he won’t snuggle up to you. Dan Heng will keep some distance between you and will lay at your feet. Even then, he’ll only lay on your bed if you’re settling in to sleep. During the day, he still naps on the floor.

🐉 Sometimes, you notice Dan Heng’s legs twitch and ears flatten when he sleeps, his fur standing on end as if he were terrified of something in his dreams. You’re uncertain if cats can have bad dreams, but Dan Heng’s reaction makes you think he’s having a nightmare. He seems dazed when he wakes from such episodes, and you wonder if he dreamed about something horrible from his days when he was a stray. You try to comfort him through these episodes by checking in on him and speaking gently, which seems to help calm him down. He follows you around for a bit after that, as if wanting to remain in your presence for a bit longer.

🐉 Despite how aloof Dan Heng is, you still know he cares about your well-being. If you’re having a bad day, he softens up to you. As if sensing your sadness, he comes out of hiding and remains by your side, sometimes even lying on your lap or chest. He allows you to pet and cuddle him if you need the comfort, and stays with you until you feel better. If you take medication, Dan Heng reminds you to take it on time if you forget.

🐉 Dan Heng keeps himself quite clean, and only needs an occasional bath and claw trim from you to keep him in perfect condition. He's surprisingly tolerant of baths. You thought he might struggle and run, but Dan Heng calmly handles the entire bathing process without so much as a peep. If you make fun of him for looking like a wet cat, Dan Heng will give you the most unamused look you’ve ever seen from a cat, and proceed to give you the cold shoulder for the rest of the day.

Sampo:

💣 Korat breed

💣 Cats are renowned for how quietly they walk, to the point their owners don’t hear them approach. It’s an amazing skill, yet somehow, Sampo manages to surpass the average cat in terms of stealth. While most cats still make noise when they accidentally knock something over when walking along cluttered surfaces or running around the house, Sampo doesn’t. He’s silent and careful about the way he moves, putting his feline brethren to shame. This skill of his comes at a detriment, however. You don’t hear him trail behind you when you do chores at home, and sometimes trip over him or step on his tail on accident. Sampo still hasn’t forgiven you for squashing his tail.

💣 He's a very intelligent and mischievous cat. Sure, he can do tricks in exchange for treats like a dog, but his intelligence goes far beyond that. Back when you first got him, there was a time when you were having dinner and Sampo came up to you and started to rub himself against your legs. He was very responsive when you leaned down to pet him, purring up a storm as you cooed at him. You were so engrossed with how cute and affectionate Sampo was acting, that you didn’t mind when he climbed up onto your lap for more affection. That was your mistake. While you were distracted with petting him, the furry scoundrel took the opportunity to snatch some food off your plate and made a run for it.

💣 He tried to use the same trick on you again, but it didn’t work a second time. However, he uses it fairly often on your guests. Despite your warning to not fall for his false charms, Sampo always manages to win your guests over and then unceremoniously yoinks their food from their plates when they least expect it. He has now been banned from the dining area when guests are over.

💣 Sampo has proven his cunning in other ways, too. Since the same tactic doesn’t work on you twice, the little furball devised another plan. He learned that you respond very effectively to his calls of distress, and so now when you have a meal, he goes into another room in the house and yowls in the most pitiful manner you have ever heard. His distressed meows make you abandon your food in favor of searching for your cat, concerned that something might be wrong with him. While you’re busy searching for him, Sampo slinks past you to where you were eating. By the time you come back after a fruitless search, you discover that half your food has gone missing.

💣 Sampo’s antics don’t end there. Once when you came home, you found your pantry raided and fridge open and emptied. The culprit was none other than your feline fiend of a pet—Sampo. You can’t fathom how, but he figured out how to open the fridge, among other types of doors. Of course, you gave him the scolding of a lifetime. He immediately started begging for your forgiveness by rubbing against your legs and staring at you with his big, green eyes as if begging you to not be angry at little ol’ Sampo. Despite sucking up to you, Sampo continued to steal food from the pantry, but in smaller quantities this time to not get caught. You still caught him in the act, though, and now have locks on all your cabinets and fridge to keep him out.

💣 Aside from food theft and manipulation, Sampo also has a habit of collecting various knickknacks around the house. He squirrels away anything that catches his fancy and that isn’t securely stored away where he can’t get into. He keeps his “treasures” in a small nook where he suspects you won’t find them, such as under your bed, behind the couch, or in a cluttered spot inside the closet. You only discover his secret stash when you do a deep cleaning of your home. There, in the dusty corner, are your missing hair ties, jewelry, candy wrappers, random string and other junk that you lost track of long ago. Sampo will be very upset if you confiscate these items.

💣 You can’t force Sampo to do something he doesn’t want. If you want bathe him and he hears the water running in the tub, he vanishes without a trace. If it’s time to go to the vet and he sees you get out the cat carrier, he disappears like smoke. He’s right next to you one moment, and then gone the next. No amount of “pspsps” or cat treats will coax him out of hiding. You can even turn the entire place upside down and still not find him.

[withasimplelobsterhat]

This has been in my drafts for over a week I completely forgot about it! Here's a list of comics references and other things that I spotted in Dead Boy Detectives

- in episode 1 Charles says he misses spaghetti, in Jill Thompson's graphic novel we learn that he won a spaghetti eating contest when he was alive

- in episode 2 Charles and Edwin say the phrases "day officially saved" and "job officially jobbed" which is what they say in part 1 of schoolboy terrors after "rescuing" the painting

- in episode 3 the words behind the library desk are designed to look like the 2001 graphic novel cover art

- it was mentioned on the preview panel that a character in episode 4 is wearing a jumper that is a replica of one of Neil Gaiman's and that was what Dagfinn was wearing I think

- in episode 5 Richie is wearing a Doom Patrol tshirt, the doom patrol show is where Charles, Edwin and Crystal (and the night nurse) first appeared on TV

- in episode 7 we see Crystal's parents preparing for an art exhibition, the same one that Charles and Edwin rescue Crystal at in the comics, with "art is theft" written on the building

- in episode 8 on Charles and Edwin's closed cases board we see "run ragged dogs" which is the case that was the start to the 2013/14 run

- also I like to think that the intro having the skeleton posing like Sherlock Holmes is a nod to how much Edwin mentions Sherlock in the comics (a lot)

I'd love to know if there's any other references to the comics because I'm sure there's more that I missed

Adding a tag for @hatterandahare because you asked for the list of what I spotted :]

[justalilpearlie]

AITA for torturing my soulmate after he ditched me?

I know how the title sounds, but bare with me for a second.

So for context, a couple months ago I (27F) was put in a hunger games sort of death game with a couple friends where we'd have a random amouth of lives assigned to us and the last one standing would win. We could gift eachother lives or trade with them. To make it short, I got 6 lives, putting me in dark green, but my ally (28M), let's call him S, got 2, and was on his yellow life. So we partnered up and I ended up gifting him TWO of my lives this season, and we became best friends.

The problem started about a month ago, after he won last season and we moved into the next one, yet another death game, this time with only 3 lives each, however, there was a twist. Basicly we were all soulbounded to another person there, and when one took damage their soulmate did aswell.

Everyone went on their own separate ways, looking for resources to start off and testing if anyone they met along the way was their soulmate or not. I did this aswell! And ended up sticking around my friend M (33M). We separate for a little bit, and when I find him again M asks me if I wanna go to the NETHER with him. Worst. Mistake. Of. My. Life.

But I thought "Yeah, a quick trip to the Nether cant hurt, as long as we're careful, our soulmates wont mind!", thats where I was WRONG. Once we got back we called over everyone else in the server who hadn't found their soulmates yet, and two people quickly arrived, S and C (42F), both of which were my friends and allies from the first season! M made us play a little game called "Lost and Bound", or would've if we hadn't figured out early who my soulmate was, when a goat attacked S.

Turns out S was my soulbound and C was M's! And they weren't very happy about our little adventure. They called us cheaters, told us we abandoned them, said they'd be eachothers soulmates, and practically broke up with us… in a soulbound way? They also claimed to HATE us for just a small Nether trip. I was heartbroken I'm ngl. My two best friends and past allies, abandoned me just like that, and claimed I was the cheater!

Not only that, but M was quick to ditch me aswell! He even said he blamed me for it. After that I was left alone with my precious dog Tilly (??F), I built a tower alone since I had nobody left with me. But guess what? Everyone started calling me a WITCH and S stared acting like I was some sort of "crazy ex girlfriend".

This is where I feel like I might've been wrong with how I acted. So my other friend, lets call him R(41M), gave me the idea of taking small amounts of damage to "torture" S. I know its bad, but I was very angry at him for what he'd done and said at the time. So I took R up on it and accepted his powdered snow gift, I'd chill on it often to "tickle" S and scare him a little bit. I'd do this almost every day, sometimes standing next to a cactus aswell once I got one.

But in the end, M, C, S and I teamed up together until we all turned red. From then on I kind of went all in at C and might've sent my pack of dogs after her… and of course killed M in the process. Then S told me to meet him where it all started, before blowing himself up with tnt to let me take the win.

It's been a bit since that happened and we're probably gonna start another of these games soon. I've forgiven him for what he did, and it seems like he did aswell, but… I cant help but feel a bit guilty for all that pain I put him through. AITA?

Edit: I also forgot to mention how C tried to burn my dog?? So I was also very pissed at her about it.

[tiddygame]

Ghoap god type au part 3!

part 1 /// part 2 /// part 3 /// part 4 /// part 5 /// part 6 /// part 7

Their first official meeting face to… well, almost face. Soap’s doing his best.

[Disclaimer: I have been fiddling with this for ages, and just like everything else i’ve written, i’m not quite happy with it but i’m done looking at it. sorry if it’s awful lmao. also it’s around 5 goddamn thousand words]

Another battle won, another victory to add to the general’s reputation, and another fight that left Ghost feeling empty.

Part of him hated that he had become a disciple for the god of death. It was hard not to notice the changes that started after he first left an offering for the god. The way he felt a little less alone, the way enemy arrows would occasionally miss their target, the way the aches of battle faded much sooner, the way the world seemed a bit brighter. The way it gave him hope.

Hope was a dangerous thing. It tricked him into thinking he was meant for more than just dying on the battlefield. Made him believe that he could have a happy ending.

In reality however, Ghost would live and die a prisoner, having forgotten the taste of freedom. The world was not bright. It was cruel. If there were any good in the world, the other side would have won. Would have slaughtered them like pigs.

Instead, they lived to fight another day. Once the wounded were stable, they moved on. Found a spot to camp on a riverbank. As always, Ghost ran off. Let himself indulge in the falsity of hope.

By now, everyone in the camp was used to his routine. The only one brave enough to confront him was the general and so long as he returned to be his rabid dog whenever he needed, he learned not to care.

So, he left. Continued his search for more temples that once housed devout believers of the god of death. He appreciated the distraction from the real world, a short respite found in half-mindless wandering through abandoned cities or overgrown forests.

Ghost still knew very little about the god. While he knew the story of why the god had been forgotten, he still knew next to nothing about who the god was. They didn’t seem too bad at least; Ghost was still alive and has yet to be punished to an eternity of suffering.

He knew if he tried asking the god, (if he received an answer at all) it would all be what he wanted to hear and not the truth. So, he searched.

Most temples were too dilapidated to glean any information, but the little he had gathered seemed to point in a mostly positive direction. But he still needed to know more. He didn’t even know the god’s name for fuck’s sake.

Wandering through the forest, he wasn’t too worried about getting lost. It wasn’t so dense that shadows swallowed it whole and he could always follow the river to find his way back out.

Over the months spent on this routine, he’d learned a lot about how to find the temples, especially in forests like this one. It was rather simple: find a trail of slightly younger trees and follow them.

The much bigger, much older trees would outline a path that had long been lost to time. While hundreds upon hundreds of years have passed since the god was praised, the evidence was still dug into the earth.

Sure enough, after an hour or two of following a line of newer trees, he found a temple. It was the most intact one he’d found yet, all four walls still up, even if they looked ready to cave in at any moment. The only structural integrity was likely from the amount of vines slithering in through the cracks, acting as rope to hold together a building that wanted nothing more than to collapse.

The inside was surprisingly well lit. The holes in the roof that had been filled with various plants let in a soft green light. In the middle, extending from the back wall was a pedestal atop which sat crumbled rocks. As he guessed, taking a closer look proved it to have once been a statue that had either fallen prey to the passage of time or the anger of the locals.

Turning his attention to the walls, on his right was another doorway that would have led to a balcony overlooking the surroundings. Now, however, it was a simple curtain of vines leading to a pile of rubble falling down the hill. On his left was a wall of vines that was so thick, he wasn’t even sure if the wall was still there. But just peeking out towards the bottom looked to be the bottom edge of something that had been carved into the rock.

Curiosity piqued, he walked over and tugged at the ivy. Most didn’t even budge, but he was able to move enough to see that it was likely a mural of some sort. He hoped it was, at least. He was desperate for any information on who or what he’s been helping.

Pulling at the vines only resulted in his hands becoming covered in ants that had been hiding and he had a vague thought about setting fire to it, but there’s no way it would catch and if by some miracle it did, it would likely cause a forest fire. No other option readily available, he sighed and drew his knife, beginning the long and arduous process of hacking through each individual branch.

There was no easy way to do it. They clung to the wall so tightly that to try and slash them would just scrape the edge of his knife on the stone and ruin the edge. The brambles on them made him very grateful for his gloves saving him from turning his fingers into mincemeat. He worked carefully, pulling far enough to get his knife under the stems and cutting through them one by one.

It took hours of meticulous removal and a smarter man would have stopped a long time ago. But Ghost was determined now, he started the process and he couldn’t leave until it was finished.

He didn’t pay too much attention to the actual mural as he worked his way through them, waiting until he could see the full thing. At some point, he had to stop to light a small torch. Darkness having begun to set in, he didn’t notice he had cleared most of it until he took a step back.

As he suspected, it was a mural of the god, depicting some of his godly deeds. The original carving was already rather simplistic and the aging didn't help in deciphering what story it was telling. He was worried that in brushing off the dirt, the carvings would come with it, so instead he brought his torch closer and tried to figure out what he was looking at.

It seemed to be a set of stories, all of which featured the god as kind, helping people who were suffering. The first carving was of an old man on his deathbed, the god putting his hand over his eyes. The next was of parents watching as the god kissed their newborn on the forehead. The third grabbed his attention.

It was a soldier with a knife in his chest, the god holding his hand.

Months ago, Ghost had been in that exact situation. Dying was certain, and yet instead of doing whatever it is the god of death does when someone is dying, the god saved him. Healed a fatal wound with a golden scar. (And put a flower behind his ear, but he often elected not to think about that when remembering the event.)

All of the carvings were different tellings of the same story. For months he had been asking the same question with no answer: Why was Ghost’s story different?

Ghost shook his head. As always when trying to think about the why of it all, he concluded to not think about it. To just push it aside and ignore it. Whatever snake was hiding in the grass waiting to strike was too hidden for Ghost to see. Until the day comes that he gets bit, he will forget about it.

Pulling himself away from the third image, he turned back to the statue. The mural didn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know and hoped the collapsed statue would hold some answers.

Sure enough, it was still just as collapsed as before. There were marks in the rocks that proved it wasn’t the passage of time that felled it, but the anger of a mob.

Now looking at the pedestal with the torch, he saw the shadow of inscriptions on a plaque near the bottom. Kneeling down to get a better visual, he saw that it was four words written in an ancient language.

ᓭ𝙹ᔑ!¡, ˧𝙹⟍̅ 𝙹⎓ ⟍̅ᒷᔑℸ ̣⍑.

He remembered little of the translation, recognizing the third word was “of,” and after scraping through his memory, he was pretty sure the second word was “god.” Either that or fish. His memory is not that great.

____, GOD OF _____.

Well, it didn’t take a genius to deduce what the rest of it said. While he was iffy on the translations, he knew the phonetics well. Excited to possibly have the god's name in front of him, Ghost made a mistake.

Which, he would like to clarify, he knows that he’s an idiot. Stupid, dumb, anything and everything between. Obviously, common sense dictates that when you find strange writing anywhere, but especially in an ancient temple, you DO NOT READ IT OUT LOUD.

However, as previously stated, stupid dumb idiot and all that. In his defense, he wasn’t fully aware he was doing it. It had been a while since reading the dead language and the old carving made it hard to decipher the glyphs.

So, not thinking, he sounded them out. Out loud. Reading a random sentence in an abandoned temple of the god of death, who was abandoned after claims of being a monster. It was not Ghost’s proudest moment.

But, he did manage to read it, saying to an empty temple, “Sau— No… Soap, God of… Death?”

He didn’t know if he read it properly. When he had learned the script, it had been taught with handwritten letters. How they looked on a pen and paper was very different to how they looked carved into stone. He decided to risk delicately brushing away some of the dirt, following the indentation of the letters.

He was still trying to read the plaque when he became aware of someone behind him.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he carefully maintained his position, not giving away that he had noticed the person. Looking out of the corner of his eye, he could see their shadow behind him and to the right.

Forcefully maintaining his casualness, he dropped his hand from the plaque and rested it on the ground as if he were just balancing himself. The other went to nonchalantly rest on the buttcap of his sword, holding it like it was happenstance for that to be the more comfortable position. He waited.

They did nothing. They did not move, didn’t take advantage of his weakness, he couldn’t even hear them breathing.

He had a sinking feeling that he already knew what was behind him. And if he was right, his sword would not save him.

Steeling himself, he stood and turned, drawing his sword. At first glance, they were not a soldier, thief, or mercenary. They drew no weapon and barely even reacted to his sudden advance.

It wasn’t human either. It… It “smiled” at him. Every fiber of Ghost’s being was telling him to run, run far away from this thing before it mauled him.

He stood still. No one can outrun Death.

His vision blurred but only when trying to look directly at the god. He was almost… translucent. When he risked a glance to the door, his image began to vibrate, like he didn’t need to hold himself together anymore.

Later, trying to recall any specific features would draw a blank. Eyes, hair, height — anything. He would question if the god had any physical form at all or if he just imagined it.

He needed to get out of there.

It seemed the god was examining him just as closely. Ghost tried to slowly back away, to inch closer to the door, but was stopped by the god circling him. Not having a secure exit made his skin crawl and he was sure to keep the being in his sights the entire time.

In the same way his eyes were warring over whether the god was there or not, he didn’t know how nervous he needed to be. The months spent offering whatever he had in exchange for company and help on the battlefield made him want to relax, to talk to him like he was an old friend.

The lifetime he spent being betrayed and getting used made him want to attack first. The back of his neck prickled at the reminder that he still owed the thing his life. He was not an old friend. He was a deity, the god of death, and would be able to kill him with ease. Ghost kept his sword level with the god despite being all too familiar with its futility.

The god, Soap, stopped his circling and stood in front of him, far too close for comfort. When Ghost backed away, he watched like he was observing a bug he found interesting.

The comparison was far more apt than Ghost wanted to think about.

“Your fellow soldiers call you Ghost, yes?”

It was the first time actually hearing the god speak and it was just as unsettling as he thought it would be. The voice reflected his flickering form, oddly deep and reverberating like it wasn’t meant for this plane.

Subconsciously, his sword slowly drifted down, no longer threatening an attack.

“…Yeah. How do you know that?” He didn’t bother trying to keep the accusatory tone out of his voice.

“I’ve been watching.”

Ghost didn’t like this. Not at all. Everything in his bones was screaming at him to get the fuck out of there. He readjusted his grip on the sword but forgot to raise it. He needs to get out. Now.

The god laughed.

“Don’t give me that look. You’re the first follower I have had in an age. What else was I supposed to do?”

Part of what made his voice sound off finally hit Ghost.

“The god of death is Scottish?” The incredulous tone probably wasn’t doing his life expectancy any favors.

“Aye. And you’re British.”

The god turned and began inspecting the rest of the temple. Ghost didn’t feel the true weight of the god’s stare until it was gone, now taking in several deep breaths as the pressure went away.

“Thanks, I didn’t notice.”

“I thought we were pointing out the obvious.”

The god smiled at him like it was a simple joke. But the annoyance was there. Even if the god was laughing now, that doesn’t mean he would still find Ghost’s disrespect funny in a few minutes. He needs to watch himself and be careful.

“Why do you look all… weird and shit?” Good job, Ghost. Real good about being careful and making sure to overthink his wording. Fucking hell, his own idiocy is going to kill him.

The god pouted his lip. Looking at Ghost with deceptively sad eyes, he asked, “Aw, are you calling me ugly?”

The god returned to examining the ruined temple. Even though he wasn’t looking, Ghost shook his head and raised his hand in a pause gesture. Gods have wiped out entire villages over less. He forced his breathing to remain normal, having to manually count it so as to not panic. Before he could backtrack and likely dig himself in a deeper hole, the god spoke.

“I am still weak. This is the first time I’ve managed to hold onto a tangible form.” Tangible was certainly one way to put it. When he ran his fingers over the ledges on the wall, the dirt and debris didn’t move. Brushing his hands through the vines led to them swaying slightly as if there were a breeze.

Ghost reminded him, “I tried giving you food. You didn’t accept it.”

The god laughed, “I know. The starving man giving the god food.” Ghost wasn’t sure if his tone was meant to be insulting or annoyed.

“Yeah?”

Soap sent him a look he couldn’t decipher, explaining, “Gods don’t eat. Not the way you do. Keep your food.” He made pointed eye contact with Ghost and winked as he said, “I prefer flowers and trinkets anyways.” He turned his attention back to the ruined mural. His eyes were wrong.

Ghost fucking hates gods. What the fuck does that mean?

He pointed out, “If you’re weak, don’t you need everything?”

“I am not that weak. Saving you hurt.”

Ghost prickled further at the reminder, taking a step back. Gripping the handle of his sword tighter, he defensively stated, “I don’t need your help.”

The god scoffed and walked towards him. Ghost tried to back up but the god was faster. The divine being put his hand on his ribs, right where the golden scar sat. With a furrowed brow he angrily stated, “This says otherwise.”

Ghost instinctively jerked away from the touch. It was staticky and cold. Wrong. It was somehow worse than human touch. He was tense, looking to see the gods reaction.

This was worse than dealing with an impatient, angry god. Those were predictable. This one has yet to give him any indication of his limits. Ghost didn’t know what would be the tipping point and could only hope that when it hit, the god would be kind enough to kill him quickly.

To his surprise, the god looked sad. His flash of anger gone and now quieter, he continued, “I was barely in time to save you.” If Ghost didn’t know any better, he’d say the god actually gave a damn about him.

But Ghost did know better. He stared at the third image on the mural. He asked the question that had been plaguing him since waking up from a deadly sleep, “You’re the god of death. Why… Why would you have run out of time? Why save me?”

He sighed, “Healing an otherwise healthy person is easy. Resurrection? Not so much. I do not control death the way people seem to think I do,” the god paused and sadly looked to the broken statue, “…or did. I can help people on their path but not change their course.”

The god was slowly walking closer. Ghost didn’t have much more space to back up, almost cornering himself, he had to angle himself more towards the door, following the wall. It allowed the god to get closer, much closer than Ghost would’ve liked, but it also allowed him to have a realistic escape plan.

Not that he’d be able to run from any god for long. The hope of success was a fickle thing.

Unaware or uncaring of his internal plight, the god happily continued explaining, “You were still on the same path, just veering to the left. Bringing someone back is possible, but not always worth it.”

Not yet learning his lesson about letting sleeping dogs lie, he poked back, “What? ‘They come back different?’”

The god gave a slight nod, “Sometimes, if their soul has been rotted or corrupted. But I meant the cost. Saving you was easy to do with all that you had given. To bring someone back from the dead… Well, there are some fates crueler than death.”

Ghost's eyes hardened, “I’m aware.” The god looked all sad again but he continued before he could interrupt, “But why did you save me?”

The god paused for a moment before simply stating, “You’re kind.”

Ghost scoffed and incredulously repeated, “I’m kind.” He nodded. Ghost continued, “So, you betrayed your own kingdom, domain, whatever to make sure I didn’t die because ‘I’m kind.’”

Soap smiled and for the first time since trying to touch his scar, reached out to him. “Exactly. I like you. You are kinder than someone in your shoes should be. That’s why I saved you.”

His hand hovered next to Ghost’s left. He was waiting for something. The god was still smiling softly at him.

He wants me to close the distance.

He’d rather the god have just grabbed him. Why was he waiting? Why was a god waiting on a mortal? Gods do not ask. They take. Why was this one any different?

When he was a kid, he’d run around trying to pet any and every dog that would let him. He would approach them slowly, holding out his hand for them to sniff. Some would approach immediately, but most took some time. They were half feral and scared of people, hesitant to even approach him.

At that moment, Ghost felt like a scared feral dog. He felt doomed, like there was no way out alive. He didn’t know if the deity was offering safety and comfort, or a quicker and less painful end. Soap’s hand was still extended, still smiling softly.

When a god asks, if you do not give, they will take. And will take more than they would have if you had handed it over to begin with. It’s best to give in before the consequences become worse.

He moved his hand into the god’s hold. It grinned. He tried not to shake.

The god rubbed his thumb along his hand, fingers trailing after an older wound that was on its way to scarring. The touch became slightly more bearable as he grew more accustomed to the peculiarities of the sensation.

After a pause, Ghost shakily contested, “I am not kind. I have more blood on my hands than everyone in the military camp combined.”

Soap, unperturbed, continued messing with his hand, watching the way his fingers bent and twitched. Not looking up, “I said kind, not a pacifist.”

Ghost tried to speak up. The god interrupted. The touch graduated into practically feeling each individual muscle in his arm, like he was trying to remember how a human body is supposed to look.

“However, if you want a more tangible reason, I did, and somewhat still do, owe you.”

Ghost didn't buy it for a second. "What? A god owing a mortal?"

Soap made eye contact once more. Ghost didn’t realize how close he had gotten. The god looked more human, but more wispy as well. His eyes didn’t make Ghost want to turn away before he turned to flame, but he could also see more of the temple through him. Perhaps their meeting would not last much longer.

“I’m sure you are aware that gods can die. the only reason I was still alive was because people would pass the ruins of my temples and remember me.”

He shifted to Ghost’s right and reached for his other arm. Doing the same hovering hesitation, Ghost simply nodded in approval. The god turned his focus to his right hand now, letting go of the left. He did the same examination as before, feeling over his knuckles and trailing what veins he could see up his arm.

…When had Ghost sheathed his sword?

His left arm tingled. He had to tell himself that he did not miss the touch.

“But no one believed in me. I was waiting for another thousand years when I’d be forgotten and could finally die. You not only saved me, but you gave me hope as well.” He accentuated the word by squeezing his arm, or trying to at least. He seemed to be fading fast.

With something in his eyes more earnest than Ghost was used to seeing on even a mortal, the god said, “So yes, I still very much owe you.”

The earnestness was gone and in its place, a joking tone as he continued, “Though, if it’s you I am indebted to, I don’t think that’s too bad of a fate.”

Ghost asked, “So… I don’t owe you a debt?”

Soap looked genuinely confused, “Why would you owe me?” With the way he tilted his head, he almost looked like a confused puppy.

Ghost was at a loss, having no idea how to answer that. The idea that gods just wanted to fuck over everyone they could for their own amusement was so ingrained that to try and put it into words felt impossible.

When he didn’t answer, Soap spoke again, “I like you alive.” His hands moved, one going to feel the pulse point on his wrist and the other sitting over the left side of his chest, feeling his heart. Like he was making sure he was still alive.

The confused furrow did not leave Ghost’s brow at the explanation and he was sure Soap could feel the way his breathing and heart rate kicked up at the touch. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to lean into it and beg him to never let go or skin himself to be rid of the feeling.

“Besides,” Soap said, making eye contact once more. He grinned. It didn’t look human. “I’m not letting you go that easy.”

Ghost ripped himself away, finally in the doorway of the ruined temple. The orange light indicated that dawn was well on its way. He could not hear any birds chirping nor any leaves rustling. It was still smiling from the edge of the shadows.

The god spoke, “I hope we can meet like this again. I had fun.” With that, the divine being stepped forward into the light and fully faded at last.

Ghost took in several deep lungfuls of air. He stood frozen, watching as if waiting to make sure the god did not return. In truth, he was frozen. When it came to fight, flight, or freeze, he thought he had trained himself out of the latter two options.

But he stood there, terrified to move. He didn’t even shift his weight. It felt like to move was to acknowledge what had just happened, and to acknowledge it was to cement it as reality.

A childish part of him hoped he would wake up to find it was all a dream. Forcing himself to turn his back to the door, he ignored the way his back burned at being exposed and unprotected.

He absentmindedly made the long trek down the hill and to the river. He detached his scabbard and kneeled, splashing his face with water, the coolness of it shocking his system.

He turned to the left and vomited. He was shaking so much he almost collapsed. Locking his elbow, he was barely able to balance just to wipe his mouth.

He turned back to the water. Took in a deep breath and submerged his face. He stayed there, pushing the limit of how long he could stay under. His heart was racing, demanding air. He could feel it rattling against his lungs.

Just as the dizziness and weakness began to take hold, he ripped himself up. Taking long, heavy deep breaths, he looked up. Watched as the last of the stars faded into an orange and blue sky.

Stories and warnings from priests came crawling back to him. About what the presence of The Old Gods could do to a mortal. If he was shaking, vomiting, and scared stiff from seeing him while he was still weak…

Good gods, how powerful can this stupid motherfucker get?

He hasn’t felt so… so… so much in a long time. His brain was warring with itself over how he should feel about the interaction. Part of him felt hopeful, thinking that perhaps he might now have someone who actually cares about him and not what he can do for them. Part of him felt so hopeless that he didn’t see the point in getting up, in doing anything other than trying to die before he could cement his fate as a god’s new favorite human plaything.

He blinked and forced his mind to stop. The birds had returned, singing once more. He stood shakily, grabbing his sword and using it to help him up. It sank slightly in the mud.

Day officially broke. In the forest, shadows turned and ran to hide behind the trees. Animals were just starting to wake, some heading to the river to drink.

Ghost stepped into the water, following it downstream and letting the rush of water cover his tracks. The rapids threatened to sweep him away with every step, rocks underfoot falling prey to the force.

By mid morning, the river led him back to the camp.

The other soldiers stopped and stared upon noticing him but did not say a word. In fact, they fell completely silent seeing him wading through water that would drown a lesser man, muddy sheath in hand, soaked to the bone.

He stepped onto the shore, walking at the same slow speed he had in the water. The general, having noticed the sudden silence stepped out of his tent, demanding to know what the problem was. Seeing Ghost, he hesitated before demanding his attention.

Ghost was already on the path towards him. Face to face, the general hesitated, mouth moving but no words spilling forth. Ghost informed him that he was going to go to sleep. The general had yet to find his voice.

Ghost walked to his tent. Dropped his sword. Lied on his cot. He stared at the canvas above him, forgetting to remove his armor and gear.

When he got like this, feeling disconnected from not just his body but his soul as well, he tried to take stock of himself. Mentally document every ache and pain, how his clothes felt, even what the weather was like.

Instead he became aware of one sensation in particular, one clinging to both of his arms, his chest, and a small part of his lower ribs.

Everywhere the god had touched him felt electric.

How long has it been since someone touched me without hurting me?

He wondered why his skin still tingled. Why he missed the feeling.

[that-house]

can you tell us more about dronestrike & the campaign theyre from?

just read thhe post about it & immediately became obsessed

(context: Dronestrike is my warrior cats OC, an american imperialist robot cat the size of a horse and equipped with enough firepower to wipe out the clans if it seems like they're at risk of falling to communism. in the oneshot he accidentally fired a nuke at the city of LA and blamed "every other country" in a phone call with Bidenstar to avoid getting in trouble)

it wasn't a campaign, just an 11-person oneshot in the single most chaotic discord voice call I have ever been in. so i haven't played him since then, nor will i ever play him again

i can provide you a variety of facts about him i came up with after the fact though because he's a funny enough character that i can't stop thinking about him:

his brain is composed of three parts with an equal amount of control over his actions: the soul of a vietnam veteran, an AI replica of a cat, and every single super bowl halftime commercial

he comes armed with combat knives for claws, a machine gun in his mouth, a high caliber sniper rifle built into his spine, a pistol that he somehow uses with cat paws, and a douglas air-2 genie air-to-air unguided nuclear missile

transition could not save him because all trans people are godless communists who bully him on twitter

Dronestrike acknowledges every independence movement if only so that America has more countries to eventually colonize

he has read Marx so he can misuse quotes and flex on any marxists who haven't read theory

his greatest wish is for america to have won 'nam

doesn’t really have any physical possessions because he’s a cat who doesn’t have pockets or a permanent residence. he does however have $8.6 million in Shell oil stock

Dronestrike if he played League of Legends: only plays champs who have america-themed skins, but doesn’t actually own the skins because that would be giving money to a chinese company. plays all of them jungle to poor results. iron 4 two thousand games this season

has no mouth but wishes he did so he could taste the burgers that honest Americans have died to defend

Dronestrike's dream world is world war 3, with the stipulation that there is an american flag superimposed over EVERYONE'S vision instead of just his

if he had 24 hours to live he would start a “second american revolution” by attacking England

he isn't a good kisser: no lips, he's a cat, and also george washington famously said that romantic connections weaken your spiritual link with The State

response to being trapped in a maze of mirrors: breaks through the mirrors without noticing, but also can’t recognize his reflection. Thinks he has to fight these teleporting commie clones of himself to save the United States of America

he's on Santa's naughty list

on Halloween he dresses up as George Washington and “trick or disappears” journalists

Dronestrike hates the reds, the brits, women, and most importantly, himself

prefers fundamentals over schmovement

favorite board game is Monopoly because watching people go bankrupt or be imprisoned is one of his hobbies

his happiest memory is his first glimpse of an amazon packaging facility and the horrible conditions of the workers

favorite season is summer: 4th of July babey!!! the holiday where you're allowed to blow shit upppp!!! he also frequently sets off fireworks in the off season to scare dogs and people with anxiety

doesn’t date but he sends tech billionaires unethically farmed flowers sometimes

doesn’t play video games but he has a simulated CoD lobby’s chat going at all times in his head. they call him slurs whenever he misses a shot

relates strongly to Patrick Bateman

he was in ShadowClan. they picked which clan he would be deployed into by having him take the official "which clan are you" quiz

sometimes he doubts that he has the heart of a true warrior

[operationslipperypuppet]

Naddpod Carnegie based on what I can remember, post-show euphoria comedown. (That’s more for me so I can remember it later)

The music was played by a quintet, and the director was Emily’s brother, Brian. They were incredible.

Music started early and people talked through a lot of it but it was all incredible. When they played Kingshammer, everyone lost their shit after one note. When they finished we freaked out. We were correct to do this.

The whole two crew was dressed up and looked so great! Murph’s jacket was bedazzled.

The band stayed on stage for the show and played music under moments of it as it happened.

We started with the Boobs. They were nominated for the hit awards show, the Batubies, 5 years after the fall of Thiala. Bev was wearing a too-tight bow tie and grew a bad mustache. Hardwons outfit matched what Jake was wearing. Moonshine wild shaped just her torso into a penguin (still with huge boobs). Paw Paw was covered in hair gel and grew a perfect mustache. They were all gunning for pawpaw to win, and the photographers only wanted to photograph him.

Balnor was the host. He was possessed by a joke book, dungeons and laughies. He had veneers and Hardwon and Moonshine wanted some as well. Hardwon filed his teeth down to prepare, Moonsshine opted to wait for a dentist. The boobs HATED Balnor’s jokes. He hissed at them when they tried to take his book. Moonshine admitted to maybe being attracted to hissing Balnor.

The awards show started with an in memoriam to certain villains they’d killed. They were described: Josh - thrown out a window by Moonshine, The Crag - beheaded by Bev after a beheading song/dance (I do not remember lol), Galad - beheaded by Hardwon and then resurrected and beheaded by hardwons mom (jake blows kiss to Lydia), The Bear Prince - killed by Moonshine then brought back as a zombie so he could be killed by Hardwon, who was trapped in honey the whole fight, Thiala - eaten by Moonshine.

Awards were as follows: A best dramatic acting - they played clips from the actual pod; Hardwon finding out about his parents, Bev trying to resurrect Erlin when Thiala killed Pelor, Moonshine’s “child has a duty to his father, hero has a duty to the world”, and Donkey Kong’s recap of the wars - DK won. The audience was confused. Moonshine and Hardwon were angry because “that wasn’t canon”. DK sent in a video acceptance speech. Pendergreens won best redemption arc and gave a speech about how good Bowflexes are, and then Ren won a free bow flex. Coach Bortram won best smite, murph thought he remembered his voice. He did not

Best hero was the boobs rescinding their nominations so Paw Paw could win. Balnor, possessed, gave it to Galad, resurrecting him. Paw Paw was the only one to escape a restraining spell, and fled the theater, chosen knights in hot pursuit. The Boobs were annoyed with Balnor and when he died onstage were called out by Cobb and MeeMaw for being mean. It was nice to have Cobb.

Outside, he found the Triplets and Keychain, who were arguing with the astral worm bouncer because they weren’t on the list and Onyx dressed as one of the “Stranger Kids” cast to try to get in. (Murph still DMing, Caldwell as Keychain.) They wanted to kill Paw Paw (thought he was a weird dog) and were ready to fight the Chosen over it. Paw Paw rolled a nat 20 initiative, and ran again. Nyack killed 2 knights, Onyx killed 3 others. They got VIP passes and headed inside the theater, Onyx hitting on the astral worm along the way.

Paw Paw then found the Third Mates in a bar. Zirk drank windex, poisoned himself, and Fia and Hank also drank Windex. They talked about having Windex visions and seeing Windex Goblins. Paw Paw was familiar with the ladder. Bukvar could talk to Paw Paw and translated his distress to the Third Mates. He also asked why they drank Windex. Murph said that the bartender said “this only really sounds like one of you” and looked past zirk, very clearly calling out human man Caldwell. It was beautiful. They were ready to act, healed from poison by Paw Paw giving them water. Balnors evil book attacked, and Hank and Shank took it out in one turn, doing over 100 damage with an action surge. Murph was pleasantly shocked. Fia was able to use the disenchanted book to learn the spell to free everyone in the theater They then followed Paw Paw back to the theater.

Inside, everyone discovered that the Boobs had been kidnapped by Galad, who intended to use their blood to bring back Thiala. The only witnesses to this were our beloved Duck Team, who did not get restrained but didn’t help because they were busy playing smash on a DS.

Balnor, back alive, asked everyone to come help. There was some discussion over whether the triplets would go.

He took all the heroes in the Stormborn to the mountains of Irondeep. The triplets took over the captains quarters and claimed they already had rewards accounts. They tried to order chicken caesar salads from Calder, who could only find lettuce. Hank was steering, worried about gunk in the wheel. Fia was warming up the canons, Callie was in the crows nest. Sol was in the sails, Zirk got stuck in the engine. It was glorious.

Once in irondeep, they found Galad looming over the tied up boobs, stealing Rosaline back. They rolled initiative based on the highest dex of any of their characters and could choose one to take a turn as. It was dope as hell. Order was Galad, Jake, Emily, Caldwell.

Galad used his first turn to kill Jens. Turned him to dust. Murph demanded a sad song play for his death, and he got Valiant Ol’ Cobb. (Beautiful orchestration. Un fucking earned). The remaining triplets then explained his best moments to Balnor, including asking Keychain if he was a blender and watching Friends with headphones but the subs on so others could read it. Nyack shot at Galad. Onyx smacked the shit out of Galad (with the help of a chronal shift). Galad used legendaries to hit and then power word kill Nyack. Nyack blamed Calder due to the fact he didn’t have chicken on his salad. The familiars freed the boobs. Zirk helped Bev use a “blue smite” (Windex reference) on Galad. Galad attacked and crit on Onyx. Hardwon smacked the shit out of Galad and killed him once again.

Paw Paw was then given the divine power Galad had and Murph said the audience could decide if he resurrected Nyack and Jens. It was a split vote. In the end, only Nyack was resurrected.

We then ended the show with a One Big Bed singalong. It was so wonderful and sweet and perfect.

All in all, it was a great fucking show. What an absolute gift. Here’s to 5 more years.

[redbleedingrose]

Girl Dad!Rhysand x Reader Headcanons Pt 2

Part 1

A/N: So it turns out you all enjoyed the first post and I kept coming up with more ideas so here we go!

Girl dad Rhys back at it again stealing all our hearts smh <333333

I feel like Rhys is really into family vacations! He loves taking time to just relax with his mate and his little shining star, often taking you and the babe up to the private cabin to just get away from the stress of being high lord and high lady. He really believes that the key to having a happy and healthy relationship with both you and your daughter is being “normal” and truly just being himself around the people he cares most for in the entire world.

He is definitely the kind of mate to have a secluded beach house, a quaint cabin in the Illyrian mountains, a cozy cottage in the forests that he personally designed. Ofc there is a huge master bedroom with an on-suite sitting area with a gigantic balcony that has the best views in the entire home. He also designs the perfect room for your babe, even including additional rooms for any future children you may have (which he is quite desperate for). There is a play room with lots of sensory development toys, a library that holds collections of all your and your daughters favorite books from different authors, there is definitely a pool (for late night skinny dipping), and a music room that has the piano and guitars so your daughter can learn how to play.

He adores playing chess with his shining star. She always wins against her 500 year old father despite being only 3. He loves watching her little pigtails bounce as she dances and jumps with glee, teasing her mama: “I won mama, you never win against papa, right papa?” Her chubby cheeks flushing with excitement as she stares up at you with innocent widened eyes. “That’s right my shining star, papa always wins,” his violet eyes glinting with starlight as he sends you a cheeky wink that leaves you feeling flushed all over

The asshole never lets you win, in fact, he always has a stupid sexy smug smirk on his face every time you play against him.

At some point during your relationship, you forced Azriel to teach you all of Rhys’ dirty tricks so you can finally win against him.

It did not work.

Man’s already had you figured out. Watching you with one eyebrow raised and a grin tugging at his lips every time you played a move where you thought you had the upper hand, only for him to end up winning.

It’s okay though… he ate you out for hours as a reward for trying so hard

ANYWAY

I feel like your daughter and Rhys are connected on a deeper level. Like I said, this male adores her. Treats her like a princess. Coddles her to the extreme while making sure she understands her privilege. Regardless… they just understand each other more than you could ever describe. It is that unconditional deep love that he has for her that makes their bond so special.

Any time she has a nightmare? Rhys is already awake and jogging towards her room to bring her back to your bed and let her sleep between the both of you or on his chest.

When she was just a babe, before she could talk, you could swear that with the way Rhys and her stared at each other, they were communicating and could understand each other. They still do that now. It is like they have their own language, inside jokes that end with high pitched giggles and Rhys tickling her and pulling her close to smooch her ruddy cheeks.

There was a phase your daughter had where she would try to sneak into your bed to sleep with you and Rhys. You would wake up every single time she tried, silently watching with a soft smile and bleary eyes as Rhys shush’s her as she stares up at him with her violet puppy dog eyes, “C’mere little love, shh don’t wake mama, s’okay, you can sleep with us tonight,” already leaning down to pick her up under her outstretched arms to settle her between you both. When she crawls in behind you and tries to throw her tiny arm around your waist, you will turn around with a gentle groan and pull her into your chest, tucking her head under your chin and planting a soft kiss to her fluffy hair so she can snuggle into you completely.

Rhysand still struggles to sleep some nights. Some nights, he wakes up gasping for air and clutching his chest, staring at you desperately while you rub his back and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. On these nights though, Rhys is completely content and at ease. When you and his babe are with him, you both are entirely safe. The thing is… he feels entirely safe too. He leans in for a quick peck before scooting forward to cuddle you both into him, almost immediately sliding back into a deep sleep with you both in his arms.

This male is also the most extravagant and outlandish fae you have ever met. This male insists on matching EVERYWHERE. Before your daughter was born, he would have clothes that were specially made for you both so that you could match wherever you went. Now??? This male has you AND your daughter matching with him.

Matching pajama sets??? A MUST

Regular every day wear??? Better be matching

training clothes???

“We are on the same team darling, we have to match,” he pleads as you stare at him exasperated as hell. He will even rope your daughter in, I cannot with him frl… “Isn’t that right my little star? You want mama to match with me and you right?”

And how are you supposed to resist your adorable daughter clapping her tiny hands and clutching at your dress, rocking back and forth on her heels with her violet eyes looking up at you, “Yes mama! Please match with us!” with the largest toothy smile, reminding you how she is growing up too fast

Matching starfall outfits?? Absolutely, without a doubt, its not a want, its a NEED

Male gets weak in the knees when he realizes that you and your babe are wearing your hair in the same hairstyle. He bites at your exposed neck and whisper begs for another babe.

Can we just discuss how adorable your babe is? Her violet eyes and ruddy cheeks that are so chubby every time she smiles with wild hair that can barely be controlled? Her round belly and tiny hands that barely fist around 3 of Rhys’ fingers and her feet that stumble and scamper through the marbled floors with delighted screams as Azriel and Cassian play tag with her. She is your little angel.

All that to say, Rhysand absolutely blows raspberries onto her tummy that results in squeals and laughter that make the stars shine brighter. He also loves to pretend to eat and chew on her toes and feet. They are his favorite “snack” as he likes to tell your babe.

Whenever she falls or hurts herself, she immediately comes running to you with fat tears rolling down her ruddy cheeks and her arms sticking out so her mama can cuddle and kiss away her pain. Obviously a mama’s kiss is healing of all things. Rhys worries like a mother hen, fretting over her paper cut, “Should we call Madja darling?? Are you sure??? Look, she is crying!!! I think we should call Majda. She needs to clear out the clinic immediately so all of the healers can focus on her!!!” And you are just rolling your eyes and smooching away your shining stars tears and her boo boo. After she has calmed down a little, all she wants to do is cuddle with her papa, and he will immediately bring her into his arms and hold her against his chest, his fluttering heart with panic beating under her tiny head while he plants kisses all over her temple and forehead while checking her boo boo and signs of any other boo boos. He will also add his own kiss because, “papa wants to help too little love.”

You wanna know what Rhys thinks is the most adorable thing?? It is when your daughter follows you around and pretends to be high lady because she wants to be exactly like her mama. She drinks her milk from her sippy cup and pretends that it is the coffee that you drink every morning. She bosses Cassian around, forcing him to have tea parties with her to mimic gatherings with other courts, and loves when Mor dresses her up and gets her all dolled up. She loves joining you and Rhys in your shared office and acts like she is “in charge” of meetings, often falling asleep in the chair with her belly sticking out of her shirt that is riding up, milk dripping out of the sippy cup onto the wooden floors as it hangs out from her hand, soft snores while you and Rhys discuss political strategy softly in the background, kissing her head every so often to see that tiny sleepy smile as she shifts deeper into the sofa.

Rhysand has no strength against her. One messily pout from her gets her whatever she wants. Some high lord he is (affectionate in love eye roll)

She wants a horse?

“But darling, it is just a tiny project with 100 stables and 100 horses. It is entirely plausible. My little star deserves to have all the horses she wants”

She wants a pup?

“Okay little love, but we have to convince mama first so make sure you give her your puppy dog eyes okay?” (Smooches her cheeks ten times before settling her on his hip and making his way to your office)

She wants new shoes?

“My heart… she only has two closet collection of shoes… she should have at least fifteen as the future high lady!”

“Rhys she is only four.”

“That doesn’t matter darling! She deserves the best of the best, just as you do.”

She wants a new house?

“Sweetheart, we only have five houses. A high lord and lady can have a couple more. Especially if our shining star wants another.”

“Rhys, she does not need another house. She is fine.”

“But darling…” (whines like a baby until you give in and he builds another home for you)

She wants a sister?

“I think it’s time for another darling”

“You think so?”

“Yes darling, I-”

“I think so too husband.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

ACOTAR MASTERLIST

[clayvedevs]

ATP Hunger Games Simulator

With relatively little tournaments going on now post-wimbledon, i've decided that the next best thing is to watch the atp top 25 (minus rat) fight to the death in the hunger games. Since that's also not an option, i'm left just simulating what would happen if they were in the hunger games. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, meet the cast:

And it's lights out and away we go!

Day 1

And already, there are casualties. Local american idiots Ben Shelton and Taylor Fritz team up to fight brit Jack Draper and honorary brit Alex de Minaur. Unfortunately, Ben and Taylor don't make it. Rip american idiots. You found each other in every universe.

As the day goes on, we don't see any more casualties. However, faa is pricked by thorns, which is about the most action so far. Oh and Hubi sparing Lorenzo's life like the gentleman he is. Daniil with explosives, a great combination i'm sure. As night falls, 2 cannon shots can be heard in the distance. Rip Ben Shelton and Taylor Fritz.

Night 1

Some very interesting groups. Not sure why Lorenzo would want to hang out with the guy who just defeated him in a fight, but it's his decision. No more deaths yet. Sebastian Baez is a mood.

Day 2

Novak Djokovic with a spear is something that everyone should be afraid of. But having said that, it is Jack Draper who kills Felix Auger Aliassime, who evidently has not recovered from his earlier thorn prick. Jack - 3, everyone else - 0. A cannon can be heard in the distance. Felix Auger Aliassime, taken from us too soon.

Night 2

Everyone prefers night matches apparently, because all the action is happening at night! Both Chileans fall at the hands of the ruthless Sebastian Korda and the merciless Andrey Rublev respectively. Rip Chile, you had to put clothes on eventually. Alex de Minaur has opted to keep Lorenzo Musetti alive. This is the 2nd time someone could have killed Lore but his puppy dog eyes must have won them over. Will this come back to bite him in the arse? Honestly, i wouldn't need much convincing to snuggle up with Alexander Bublik.

Day 3

Hubi the gentle giant not so gentle, forcing Bublik to kill Karen. If i was Sebastian Korda, i too would question my sanity. I wouldn't even have to be in the hunger games. Alex keeps letting people live, which is nice of him, but what other chance are you gonna get to eliminate the threat that is Novak? Biggest news though, the number 1 seed is out! Yes, Jannik Sinner has been killed at the hands of Sebastian Baez. 4 cannon shots can be heard for the Chileans, Karen and Jannik.

Night 3

Not much to say here, except that Tommy Paul might have an infection, Stefanos is thirdwheeling ruru, and Jack shows mercy for once. Also, i've heard Novak sing in that backhand boys video, and he didn't have the worst vocals.

Day 4

A lot of sanities being questioned. Tommy Paul tried to be too clever and it has backfired on him. Sebastian Korda is the last North American standing. In a repeat of the Dubai semi finals this year, Ugo Humbert has taken down Daniil Medvedev. Is the arena filled with clay? Sebastian Baez seems to be enjoying himself though. And glad to see Andrey try to fix his sleep schedule. 2 cannon shots for Tommy and Daniil.

Night 4

Another night, another Tsitsipas rizz masterclass. First cuddling with Sascha, now holding hands with Jack. In revenge of the Acapulco final, Casper kills Alex. Between this and Daniil, mouse man nation has truly crumbled.

Day 5

It seems like his age is finally catching up with Novak, whose ankle gives out after a chase by the fitter Andrey. After scaring him in Day 4, Holger doesn't finish the job and spares Korda. Maybe he felt bad for the jumpscare? But in a huge twist of events, evidently Bublik hasn't gotten over Hubi forcing him to kill Karen, so he enlists the help of Carlos to get revenge. Poor baby Casper is pricked by thorns. I wonder how he'll fare?

Everyone has failed their mandatory drug test and begins to hallucinate. Sebastian Korda wins the Sebastian Derby, and there goes Latin America's last hope. Both Carlos and Novak die hugging tracker jacker nests. Maybe it's a grand slam winner thing? Also Lorenzo and Holger attempt to run away to wonderland together, but their doomed love story ends there. At least they died together. I know the French eat snails but apparently they also eat scorpions too. And this one is a doozy. A whopping 8 cannon shots can be heard for Alex de Minaur, Hubi Hurkacz, Sebastian Baez, Carlos Alcaraz, Lorenzo Musetti, Holger Rune, Novak Djokovic and Ugo Humbert. At this point, i'm beginning to get scared that Sebastian Korda might actually win this thing.

Night 5

Korda continues his reign of terror, taking out Bublik. Grigor dares to dream, something that he hasn't done in a long time. Probably.

And it's time for the feast!

Oh my! Andrey Rublev has always been a wanted man, but now it seems like he's wanted more than ever, and not in a good way. Grigor doesn't go to the feast. At least he didn't see his lover die.

Day 6

Grigor goes and takes revenge for Andrey's murder, but ultimately decides against going through with it. 2 cannon shots can be heard. Rip Alexander Bublik and Andrey Rublev.

Night 6

Poor Grigor, still haunted by his dead lover. And here's another weird statistic for the atp, tree related deaths - 2. You heard that right ladies and gentlemen. Two people have died from tree related incidents: Jack from falling out of a tree and Sebastian Korda from being stabbed by a tree branch. Ouch. At least his reign of terror is now over.

So, who is still alive?

After flopping on the atp tour for these past months, Casper Ruud, Stefanos Tsitsipas and Grigor Dimitrov suddenly find themselves with a chance at victory. Will it be the iceman Casper Ruud who will find himself winning a title bigger than a 250? Will the balding, bisexual, Bulgarian Grigor Dimitrov win his 2nd title since 2017? Or will Stefanos "daddy issues" Tsitsipas prove that he can win without on-court coaching? Stay tuned to find out.

Day 7

Casper goes back to his Scandi roots and builds a shack worthy of rivaling ikea furniture. 1hbh off and Grigor runs away, knowing he can't shank the ball as well as Stefanos can. 2 shots can be heard for Jack Draper and Sebastian Korda.

Night 7

Stefanos wasn't invited to the cuddle party. The shock of that was too much for him and he passed out. Not fatally though.

Day 8

Stefanos, in awe of Grigor's backhand and slice, knows he cannot compete with him, begs to be killed. Grigor keeps him alive anyway.

Night 8

If this were another genre, it'd be the start of a smutty threesome. But it's the hunger games, so two of these men are gonna be dead come tomorrow.

Day 9

And what's this? Grigor Dimitrov has died from thirst. What a way to go though. And Casper Ruud from district 4, killing off his title contender for king of flopping, has won the hunger games! Congrats king, i hope you win a real title soon.

[crownedtargaryen]

cruel summer. - modern!jacaerys

Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4 pairing: modern!jacaerys x modern!stark reader (a/n): I’m going to preface this by saying this part is mostly filler to establish their dynamic and how the story will go for a while. this story i made while listening to cruel summer - taylor swift and i’m not sure how to feel about it. also, thank you @daenerysapologist for giving me the idea of hockey player Jace. I love it. rating: NSFW 18+, this chapter doesn’t have anything NSFW though. prns: she/her all notes are appreciated. words: 1k tag list: @hopelesswritergall @twizzy123 @howyouloveyourdragon @fairysluna

It's been a long few years here at Iron High, learning to adapt to the new social norms that change almost every week, trying to remember who's on top and who isn't when it comes to popularity, and of course… Tutoring the Iron High hockey captain, Jacaerys Velaryon.

I look at him as he leans back in his chair and looks up at the ceiling. It's been weeks and I swear I've heard the same jokes a million times from him. And the most frustrating part is? He laughed at himself. He finds HIMSELF hilarious! If that doesn't scream self-centered jock, I'm not sure what does. He must think he's the funniest son of a bitch at this school. He has beautiful brown hair and curious brown eyes that remind me of beautifully crafted bark on trees.

"Hey, Stark! Are you listening? Did you get the joke?" I hear him say breaking my thoughts. I stare at him, narrowing my eyes. Maybe his eyes remind me of dog shit instead.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not here to listen to your jokes, I'm here to teach you High Velaryon. Now, can we focus? If you fail this class, you know the repercussions," I remind him. He's only tutoring with me because he needs at least a C to pass, and currently, he's failing. If he doesn't pass, no hockey for him. His whole social life and reputation down the drain faster than it started. He frowns for a moment before leaning forward, smiling that cheeky and flirtatious smile he always does. This is when he's about to say something extremely obnoxious or excruciatingly unnecessary to the conversation.

"What do you call an alligator detective?" He smirks, and I stare back. You know what? I'm not giving him this one.

"An investi-gator. You're not clever. Can we just work on the assignment now?" I groan, watching his eyes widen.

"What?! You can't steal my joke!" He sits back, being playfully offended. I raise a brow as he acts like a drama queen. I can't help but smile. A small laugh escapes me. As he looks into my eyes, his eyes widen. There's something in his gaze that I can't place, a shimmer in his eye that wasn't there previously. His staring before speaking makes me uncomfortable."You just laughed!" He seemed excited, placing his hands on the table and standing up, knocking his chair over. "Holy shit you laughed!" He seems like he's just won the lottery. I furrow my brows.

Denial is now my best friend. "No, I didn't," I say casually, continuing my work. He glares at me. I can feel it on my head. "I think you're going crazy, maybe we should call this tutoring session early." I look up at him, closing my book and putting my papers in my folder. He opens his mouth to speak, but I softly shush him and touch his lips. "Shh, it's alright. The stress is getting to you. You're imagining things. It's for the best. I know, I know. You'll miss me so much." I put my things in my bag, throw it over my shoulder, and push in my chair. I watched him pick up the chair that he'd knocked over. I turn to leave but hear him speak, in a tone I've never heard before. It seemed eager and desperate.

"Y/N, can I give you a ride home?" Jace suddenly asked. When I examined his features, he still looked awestruck and almost pleading. I sigh, hating that I'm giving into his pitiful look.

"Fine. But you have to listen during the next tutoring session. Deal?" I turn around and watch as his expression glows with pure excitement. I feel a smile grow on my face, which I cover with a cough. He quickly agrees and rushes over, offering me his hand. I look at him like he's stupid, moving my palm to his shoulder and pushing him forward to lead me to his car.

I sit in the passenger side of his vehicle, a sense of regret washing over me as he starts his car and pulls out his phone. I expect some rap, some SoundCloud-level shit, and maybe even something he's made himself. What he puts on surprises me.

"Are you in a romantic mood?" I ask, raising a brow. He gives me a cheeky smile and turns up the song without another word. I can't help the grin that comes to my face as he proceeds to scream the words to a song that I'd never expected to come out of his mouth. "Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night, kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright," he says, looking over at me and grinning like an idiot. I laughed, grabbing my phone and recording him, seeing if he falters in shame. He doesn't, he stays strong. "Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life! ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE FOUR! I like shiny things but I'd marry you paper rings! Uhuh!" He looks at me as he grips the wheel, urging me to sing along. The only thing I can do is laugh as he gets stronger than ever. Jacaerys Velaryon is the last person I'd expect to see singing Paper Rings by Taylor Swift, but I can't say I'm upset. The entire way home he sings his heart out, the windows rolled down. The regret I'd felt previously has now disappeared as I enjoy my time with him. Maybe he isn't TOO bad.

As we ride up to my house, I feel myself growing disappointed that the time has come to an end, but I make sure not to show it. "Thanks for the ride, I appreciate it," I say softly, getting out of his car. He nods and then waves before honking his horn when I'm at my door. I turn around after my soul jumps out of my skin, glaring at him. He laughed but yells at me.

"Text me! We should go out somewhere!" He shouts, winking and driving off before I can protest.

Stupid Jace.

I then turn to my door, grinning from ear to ear, and walk inside.

[schvmacher47]

venus | oscar piastri (preview)

author's note: enjoy this little preview of my beloved best friends to lovers story, which i am currently uploading on wattpad! i would appreciate it so much if you would give my work a chance and i am 100% sure you'll love kaia as much as i do! feel free to share and also come over to my wattpad to enjoy the full thing. much love xx

6| flamingo pink, sunrise boulevard

I sank further down into the comfy pillows of the sofa, feeling the sleepiness slowly get the better of me even though it wasn’t that late. I was fighting against the urge to close my eyes, trying to keep my head upright. Desperately trying to not let it drop against Oscar’s shoulder, even though it looked so inviting. Instead, I tried to listen and focus on the ongoing conversation between him and his parents – a conversation I had long disengaged from. I let my eyes inspect my surroundings, his mum had a great sense for decorations and home design, until they stopped and lingered at a photo wall. A wall full of memories, Oscar and his sisters when they were still little, Oscar and his first win in a karting series. A photo of Oscar when he won the Formula Renault Eurocup. It was grouped with photos of his Formula 3 and Formula 2 title celebrations. The latter one was one I knew and remembered all too well. My eyes went wide, when I spotted myself on one of those F2 celebration photos. It showed Oscar and me hugging, with the Australian flag draped over my shoulders. A smile crept onto my lips as I remembered that moment, flushed cheeks hurting from smiling too much, hot tears streaming down and burning in my eyes. I felt Oscar’s gaze lingering on me, he must have noticed me staring at the photo for too long. A photo that served as my phone lockscreen for quite some time as well.

When I turned my head away from the wall, his eyes were still on me, a smile on his lips as he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

A yawn escaped my lips, when I shifted in my seat, bringing one of my legs up to rest in a more comfortable position. I watched Oscar with a faint smile on my lips, as he got lost in the conversation with his parents again, explaining something racing related. He was gesticulating wildly with his hands, emphasising how different parts affected his last races. He was oscribing. I listened contently, but soon got distracted by something warm at my feet. Rosie, one of the Piastri family dogs and Nicole’s emotional support for race weekends, was looking up at me with big eyes, tail joyfully thumping down on the floor. I reached down, picking her up and placing her on my lap. As Rosie settled into my lap and made herself comfortable, I absentmindedly started scratching behind her ears, earning appreciative little sighs from her. I continued to listen to the ongoing conversation, his gestures and explanations captivating me, feeling the pride wash over me.

My eyelids grew a lot heavier, and not even the animated conversation could keep me fully engaged. In my lap, even Rosie seemed to have lost her fight to stay awake, her little sighs had become a lot more irregular, her breathing became slow and rhythmic. She had fallen asleep, securely nestled on my lap. As I continued to softly rake my fingers through her white fur, I gave in and finally allowed my head to tilt to the side, letting it rest on Oscar’s shoulder. He immediately adjusted his position, making it more comfortable for me, as he slung his arm around my body. I automatically snuggled up further into his side, closing my eyes for a moment, as I listened to his heartbeat. His left hand rested on my shoulder, fingers tracing random, soothing patterns over my shirt, before they tangled up in my hair. I let out a content sigh, it was barely audible, as I got lost in the sweet sensations of his fingers playing with my hair. His steady heartbeat provided a comforting backdrop to my drifting thoughts, the conversations long forgotten. I forced myself to open my eyes again, I didn’t want to fall asleep just yet. I glanced up at him, his side profile was illuminated by the soft, warm glow of the standing lamps next to the sofa. I couldn’t help but smile at the subtle expressions and the way his eyes lit up when he got to share his racing experiences. 

I didn’t catch when the conversation changed topic, but I found myself listening to Oscar as he talked about our adventurous Melbourne experience and our trip to the kart track.

»What do you think Kaia?«, Nicole asked and brought me fully back to reality.

»Hm, what?«, I asked back, even though I knew what she was talking about. I simply needed a moment to compose myself, trying to change position, but Oscar’s arm around my shoulders made it impossible. I sighed, accepting my fate and Oscar’s warm presence, even though his parents, especially Nicole, were very much watching. 

»How do you like Australia so far?«, she clarified her question from before, a loving smile on her lips as she looked over at me, in Oscar’s arms and Rosie on my lap.

»Well, I haven’t spotted any deadly spiders…yet! So I guess that’s positive….«, I grinned, internally hoping to not come across one during my stay. 

»Don't jinx it now, Kaia. You’re gonna wake up to a Red Back on your pillow.«, Oscar joked, a laugh escaping his lips.

»I hope not. If I do, I’m going to board the next flight back to safety.«, I grumbled, definitely not too keen on an encounter that involved big, thick-legged, hairy spiders that were most likely very venomous. »But on a serious note, Australia has been truly amazing so far, even though your English can be weird at times.«, I chuckled. »But no, I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.«

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[thegamingcatmom]

Resi Village crack post in 3...2...1...

*The Lords and MM discussing what to do with MC*

OR:

*MC in the middle of yet another shitshow*

.

MM, pointing her finger: "Heisenberg - the mortal´s fate is in your hands-"

Lady D: "Mother Miranda, I must protest-"

Karl, imitating her in a pitch that is most unpleasant on the ears: "Mother Miranda I must-Oh, SHUT your mouth, super-sized freak!"

Lady D: *eye twitching, pressing her pointer finger to her ear as she recovers from that din*

Lady D, still prodding at her ear: "At least I am capable of producing sounds that will not be mistaken for a dying cat."

Karl: *indignant spluttering*

Angie: "HAHAHAA, she GOT you there! MEEEOOOOW!"

Karl: 😑

Lady D: 😏

MM: *wishes to be literally anywhere else*

Salvatore: *watery laugh*

Salvatore: "Hhahaaha, M-MghaOUUaaGRRahAH!"

...

Karl: "...Wtf was that?"

Angie: "Sounded like a dying cat INSIDE a dying cat! HAHAHAH!"

Salvatore: *watery spluttering*

Lady D: 🤦🏻‍♀️

MM, beneath her mask: 🙄

Karl: "More like a dying cat inside a dying cat on fire. HAH!"

Angie: *more mad cackling*

Salvatore: 🥺

Salvatore: "N-Not n-nice, no-no! Mother, they´re m-mean!"

MM, having zoned out ages ago cause she can´t deal: *elevator music*

MC, from the background: "...I thought it sounded pretty close actually."

...

*elevator music stops*

*everyone turns to her, only now remembering her presence it seems*

MC: *starts to sweat with all those eyes on her, clearly waiting for her to elaborate*

MC: "...I-"

Karl, who recovers first: "If that was a cat then I´m a giraff-eh."

Lady D: *giving Karl a rather extensive once-over*

Lady D, in all honesty: "Hm. The resemblance is quite uncanny."

Karl: *indignant spluttering*

Lady D: "And it´s Juh-RAFF, you ignorant fool."

Angie: "RAFF-RAFF! WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!"

Salvatore: "Ohh I l-like dogs!"

Angie: "Me too! They´re tasty! HAHAAHHA!"

Salvatore: D:

Donna, finally having found the correct channel: "Now now, Angie... Lulu was an accident."

Angie: "True! We only accidently roasted her over the open fire like a suckling pig!"

Salvatore: D:

MM: *contemplates having some pork for dinner later tonight*

MC: *stomach starts grumbling from all that talk about pigs*

MM: *eyes shooting in MC´s direction at the sound of a lycan*

MC, all by herself: *catches MM´s eyes, gives a shy wave*

MM: *confusion*

MC: *stomach grumbling again*

MM: *realizes there is, in fact, no lycan near*

Also MM: *torn between feeling appalled and impressed at the sounds that stomach is capable of producing*

Karl: "What do you mean Juh-RAFF?! How fucking stupid does that sound?!"

Angie: "RAFF-RA-Mmpf Mhhh-!"

Donna, still covering her mouth: "Now now, Angie..."

Lady D, quickly losing her patience: "It was an exaggeration on my part to make you understand, you idiot manthing!"

Karl: "An exaggeration that was fucking pointless to begin with! Everyone knows it´s giraff-EH!"

Lady D: *eye starts twitching again*

MM: *elevator music*

Donna: *eerily calm as she keeps Angie´s mouth shut*

Angie: "Mpff mhmm! MPFF!"

Salvatore: *still processing the doggie incident*

MC, who clearly has a death wish: "...Actually-"

...

*elevator music stops*

*everyone turns to her*

MC, with a confidence that is entirely misplaced: "It´s giraff-EE."

...

MC: "...Yknow, like, a whole new breed! Futuristic giraffes. Cause they´ll be so advanced, they come with built-in GPS to find those branches!"

...

*tense silence*

MC: *swallows*

Karl: "That´s..."

MC: *prepares for a rather painful death*

Karl: "...Fucking BRILLIANT! HAHAHAHA!"

Angie, muffled: *mad cackling*

Salvatore: *uncertain watery laugh cause he has no idea what that means, dude just wants to feel included man*

Lady D: *torn between slicing MC to ribbons and...other things cause MC got the pronunciation right after all*

MM: *oddly charmed by that...curious specimen*

MC, in the face of it all:

.

.

.

Yknow that feeling when you´ve won a game but have no fucking clue how you did it cause those damn rules make zero sense to you?

MC knows the feeling.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

06/10/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Con O'Neill; Save OFMD Crew Apology; TellTaleTVAwards Final Round; Watch Parties; Fan Spotlight: Cast Cards; NeverLeftPodcast; EmmyFYC Graphics; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Today's Taika

Hey Friends, this is a bit late, specifically because I have been dealing with a work emergency, but also because I know there was a lot of buzz going around on twitter regarding a post by SOFMDCrew yesterday, and I wanted to make sure I put their statement in here as well once it was ready. So apologies for the delay-- if you're here for that it's down below.

== Rhys Darby ==

All aboard the Darby Family Express! They're out at KimanaSprings!

Source: Rosie's Instagram

Source: Rhys Darby's Tiktok

== Taika Waititi ==

Reservation Dogs won another Peabody! Taika was out at the Peabody awards with everyone.

Source: Indigenous.TV Instagram

Source: byellowtail's Instagram

Source: heartsforpaulinaalexis' Instagram

And apparently Taika broke Sterlin Harjo's necklace, and he tried to fix it.

Source: Lane Factor's Instagram

== Con O'Neill ==

More behind the scenes of Con's new short film, "The Men" directed by @krisdeeds and written by Con O'Neill! Cinematography by @sebliminalimagery

Source: Brad_ah12's Instagram

== Save OFMD Crew Apology ==

Our crewmates over at SaveOFMD Crew put out an apology/ statement regarding the Call To Action that was posted yesterday briefly. You can see the information below. I'm linking to their website as well if you prefer to read it in bigger type.

Source: SOFMD Facebook/Website

== Tell Tale TV Round 3 ==

Round 3 is up! This is the final round! Thank you to the lovely @ofmd-ann for these adorable graphic reminders! Please vote here and often!

Source: OFMD-ANN's Tumblr

== Watch Parties ==

Good Omens Season 2

Dates: June 10-14, 2024

Times: 3:30 pm PT, 6:30 pm ET, 11:30 pm BST

Episodes: M-Th: 1-4, F: 5-6

Where: RhysDarbyFaction Discord Server

Need access? Reach out to @gentlebeardsbarngrill on tumblr or @aspirantabby42 on twitter.

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

Tonight's Cast Cards by @melvisik is Ringo R.! He's listed as being one of the folks at the Republic of Pirates. Can you spot him in the show?

Source: @melvisik's Twitter

= Never Left Podcast =

New episode of Never Left Podcast! This one is all about Phallic Imagery. To listen on your favorite platforms, visit their Linktr.ee!

Source: NeverLeftPodcast Instagram / Artwork: AmysBirdHouse

== Emmy FYC Reminders ==

Our friend @patchworkpiratebear is continuing to make these lovely graphics to share for #Emmy4RhysDarby and #Emmy4Taika as well as #Emmy4ConONeill for anyone who wants to use them! Please feel free to use them but also make your own! Please use the hashtags when you can! #FYC and #Emmys

Source: @patchworkpiratebear's Tumblr

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. This weeks already off and running--I don't know if the planet's have aligned strangely or what happened but things have already gone nutzoid on so many fronts. I hope things slow down for everyone.

Remember lovelies that we are all human, and we are all growing, give yourself some grace <3 Thinking of you all and sending all my love and support.

Source: BethDrawsThings

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Tonight's theme is hugs, because I think we could all use some more hugs in this life.

Gifs courtesy of the continuously fabulous @fandomsmeantheworldtome and @darkinerry <3

[flaresanimedump]

Why Fukuzawa is the Hottest BSD Character

*Cracks knuckles* ok here’s “what’s likeable about Fukuzawa/Why would Ranpo like Fukuzawa” because I saw that again recently

1) HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?!?!?

Twunks are agelessly hot. Don’t pretend you didn’t think movie stars 10+ years older than you were attractive as a teen. And everyone currently thirsting over BTS - he was the same age as they are when Ranpo met him.

2) You like strong, warm hugs where it feels like you’re swallowed up in the other person’s arms? You like the safe feeling it gives you?

What if those strong warm arms belonged to a bodyguard??

3) Ok now what if those strong arms belonged to a bodyguard who was also once a bad guy.

You know those hands can kill because they have before. But they’re gentle with you, careful. He’s on his way to being reformed but you’re seeing the good that was always there to start with, if only the world hadn’t pushed him into violence. This is Bungo Stray Dogs so just go ahead and briefly imagine this as a dog rescued from dogfighting that’s the absolute sweetest thing you’ve ever met. Now transfer that feeling to Fukuzawa, a man who was used by the government in a war Ranpo was too young to be part of, a rogue who’s learned the error of his ways and seeks to repent, a reformed bad boy with a heart of gold, you might say??? Incredible I’ll take 12.

4) Before we get into the long character analysis stuff I am going to try to impart to you the allure of an older man who isn’t a creep.

4.1) They’re wise and confident. They can offer help nobody your age can.

4.2) They stay calmer under pressure. An island of serenity.

4.3) When they get mad they usually get shit done. Way less drama. Fukuzawa may be a slight exception because of his former boyfriends but he has done his best to kill them both himself so I stand by the statement.

4.4) They’re still very human. Fukuzawa specifically gets passionate and loses himself in emotion when he’s worried or afraid, but it takes a lot to crack his exterior chill. It’s extremely hot when you get a reaction you had to work for.

5) Fukuzawa is about the most dependable husband-type we have in BSD.

He built up a whole agency to support his and Ranpo’s life together (a lifestyle they both wanted to continue, as mentioned in 4th anime opening Shirushi) despite initially being bad at 90% of the skills required.

(Rough Shirushi lyrics in question below)

Fukuzawa's described as "afraid of strangers" and thinks to himself how everything about leading a company is something he could never do in Origins,

and then we see him 12 years later and he's worked really hard to be able to do it. We get all these hints about how connected he is now

and we see how good he is at leading the ADA but there are times when it's clear it's something he adopted and not what he was born for, like when Mori started asking about strategy books and he'd only read the most common one, or how he plays Go but was reading a book about the rules in one of the official arts set in present day.

Of course, Tsun Tzu isn't exactly light reading, but I don't think Asagiri would make the character based on the most notable proponent of education in Japan be less well read than his opponent if it wasn't core to Fukuzawa's character in BSD. He's worked so hard to be what the ADA needs and wasn't/isn't a genius at it but still does well, and he basically switched careers on a whim at 33 to support Ranpo. Imagine if somebody did all that for you. If Ranpo wasn’t in love with him before I think that would be the killing blow.

6) Even if Fukuzawa’s not a genius, he’s able to understand and accept others more than any of the "normal" people in Yokohama.

He thought Ranpo was amazing when everyone else thought he was annoying (Fukuzawa also thought he was annoying of course, but the amazing part won out in the end). He experienced the full brunt of Ranpo’s observation and felt bad that he got upset over it when literally every other person who’d encountered Ranpo over the course of 2 years had been angry, shouted, and in the case of the Police Academy dorm head and presumably Ranpo's classmates, beat him for it.

We can guess from the agency members Fukuzawa employs that he’s a freak magnet and it’s probably because of this trait of his. I’d say he has ‘clear vision’ in that he’s able to see if someone is good or bad beyond societal norms even though he is aware of them himself.

Basically, Ranpo doesn’t like “common sense,” and while Fukuzawa is familiar enough with it to function normally in society, he’s one of very few like that who aren’t governed by it.

7) Fukuzawa is a genuinely good, kind person.

He listened to Ranpo more than anybody but his parents would, took him in when nobody else would. He refused to become a soldier, to go and kill other soldiers with no power over the outcome of the war, in order to assassinate the officials actually responsible for continuing the war.

I’d argue that Fukuchi was trying to follow in his footsteps with his grand war-stopping plan – that he felt Fukuzawa’s decision to kill the fewest possible people to end the war was correct. And Fukuzawa made personal sacrifices to do that, letting his best friend go to the front alone, not knowing if he’d live or die. Losing friends and losing the respect of those who did come back when he quit.

But even though there’s a good chance that what Fukuzawa did saved a lot of lives, and even though the people we're aware he killed were unquestionably evil, he still felt that his feelings at the time put him in the wrong. He was still horrified at what he was capable of and quit once all the officials who could restart the war were dead.

There aren’t many characters in BSD with that kind of moral fiber. Dazai’s not trying to repent in the ADA, he’s just there to do good because a friend said he should. Ranpo’s not a bad guy but he’s not exactly caring or in possession of a strong moral compass.

Atsushi’s obsession with doing good is so tightly wound into his own self-worth it’s almost involuntary, which takes away some of his agency in his actions. We know Tanizaki is willing to commit murder without fear, Kunikida was fine with letting Atsushi be kidnapped, and everyone in the Port Mafia is morally gray at best. Even the Special Operations Division is governed by a “needs of the many over the needs of the few” mentality.

Arguably the only other characters who even come close to this level of humanity are Oda and Chuuya, but Oda's not in this essay and even Chuuya doesn’t care as much about collateral damage. The only characters in the cannibalism arc who drew a line to stop their groups from killing each other and anybody who got too close were Fukuzawa and Mori, and Mori’s morality would require another essay. So I’d argue that in a series where many are great, Fukuzawa is a very rare good man.

As illustrated by his scene with Fukuchi and Teruko. Fukuchi is a great man willing to work himself to the bone and die for others, but he’s also willing to “curse” Fukuzawa, as Ranpo said in the finale, with the long-term burden of his plan, and to kill innocent people to make it all happen. Teruko is a great girl willing to carry out Fukuchi’s orders out of either devotion to him or to justice, but she’s willing to kill and frame a man she knows isn't a villain to do it. The ends justify the means.

(To be clear I think this makes her a great character, but not one whose allegiance is to simple good-ness.)

Fukuzawa isn’t willing to kill someone who isn’t evil. He WAS willing to kill his evil mad friend to save his other friends. We saw that when he first struck Fukuchi down, so it wasn’t the closeness of their relationship that stayed his hand after he understood Fukuchi’s plan. It was that he felt the ends did not justify the means.

Virtually every other character in this series would have done it, thus: Fukuzawa is a good man in a series full of great people.

And that is what I ultimately think made Ranpo attach himself to Fukuzawa and listen to him without question despite Fukuzawa being an idiot in comparison. Let's face it, Fukuzawa's a bit of a himbo. But Ranpo realized he could trust Fukuzawa to know right from wrong at the same time he realized he couldn't trust himself to know: when Fukuzawa shouted at him after his rescue in Origins.

Ranpo was in the process of doing exactly what all the other characters do: whatever it took to catch the bad guys/stop the bad thing from happening. He allowed himself to be kidnapped and accepted the risk that he might be shot in order to find the hideout of the men responsible for, so far, a murder and a kidnapping conspiracy with Very Bad implications for the peace in Japan (kidnapping Natsume is not something they would do JUST for a ransom).

Objectively, without considering the human element, this appears to be the correct choice. Ranpo being in temporary danger isn't a big deal when the grand scheme has such major red flags for national security. Many many more people were probably in danger, and we now know the group was somehow tied to Fyodor so yeah, he was on a Very Troubling Thread. But even without knowing Fyodor's connection it seems sort of brilliant and ideal.

The ends justify the means.

But Fukuzawa didn't see it that way. He didn't care about catching the bad guys, he didn't care about efficiency or Ranpo's plans or anything of the sort. He was the only guy in the city whose main focus was on the human element - on Ranpo. Fukuzawa presented a fundamentally different way of thinking that Ranpo and the majority of the cast just aren't capable of, and it's natural to him. And I think Ranpo understood that in a split second when Fukuzawa said he shouldn't put his life in danger and decided that even if Fukuzawa was essentially blind compared to him, Fukuzawa's decisions would always be better than his.

SO that's what I think Ranpo would like about Fukuzawa and what makes Fukuzawa attractive!! Also he's really sexy :D

[sheeparuu]

I’ll call it Severed link au for now.

So I was always a sucker for a bad ending and I wanted to put out a few ideas cuz I thought it would be fun. Yes it started from Linked Universe since I’ve seen people make their own versions and I thought it would be cool to do it too. Also, English is not my first language.

Games I’ve finished:

1.  Sky: Inheriting a god’s power after defeating them is not something Link would have expected to happen after stopping Demise. Still, if the corruption of his mind and body is not enough proof of that, his old home falling out of the sky might be.

2. Twilight: Having a pointy chunk forcefully jammed in one’s brain is bad, using it to keep switching between hylian and beast form is worse, loosing their mind the more they shift is the worst. At least he might be able to get a position as Ganon’s lap dog.

3. Wind: One would be surprised how hard it is to kill a parasitic entity, especially when it takes over your body as a host. Still, after such a gruelling fight, it might remain inactive for a long time, licking its wounds at the bottom of the sea.

4. Spirit: When the hero fails saving his best friend and end up having to swear allegiance to the demon lord inhabiting her body, everything seems to be going to hell. But having that fight with the said demon awaken something from the sea might be just as bad.

5.Wild: Sometime even if a friendly goat amputates your arm, it might not completely remove the malice from your blood stream, or stop it going to your brain. It might just slow it down enough for you to realize that something is taking over you from inside out.

Games I haven’t played/ finished but I tried to research:

6. Losing your uncle, the girl of your dream and having the path to Lorule closed might give someone things to grieve about. Hoarding magical items and knowledge for the purpose of “keeping the people you love safe” is also bad. Being swayed by the dark magic to the point where turning people into stone to “protect them” is, you guessed it, bad.

7. Time: Once a certain evil entity realizes that the kid carrying godness power is a better target than a mere Skullkid it might just have to switch hosts. Maybe if the other masks the “hero” carried weren’t splitting his mind like hair ends he could have stood a chance.

8. Four: Sometime allaying with the wrong side, even if you plan to change sides once you get the upper hand, might lead to actions that you can never forgive yourself for. And sometimes the shame grows to the point you can’t even face the three other versions of yourself, even when they are fighting the big bad of your world. And sometimes when they lose, you might feel the most vulnerable you’ve ever been.

9.Warriors: Maybe if the portals Cia chose to open lead to worlds were the heroes won their adventures, the story would have been different. Maybe if she never realized that Link wouldn’t be hers, even by force, she wouldn’t have turned him into a puppet king. Maybe if his mind wasn’t completely aware of everything around him, while being completely disconnected from his body he wouldn’t have had to agonize like this.

10. Hyrule: Sometimes when a the kindness and heroism of a child is rejected by the entire world and the cult that’s following him takes a much more manipulative approach instead of trying to kill him, it might just end much worse for the common man.

Notes: I always liked the idea that heroes are not purely good and always getting the good ending, and that if their life had just enough differences they would have failed/turned to the dark side. I mostly thought it would be cool for the characters to have a “failed” version and in my head they could serve as a “self discovery journey” for the og heroes. Like having to compare yourself with your worst version would cause some major introspection.

P.S: Yes I added Spirit since I think he and Wind could have some really cool dynamics. Also if someone already did the idea before me I'd like to know.

[copiouscouples]

Just an Off-Tangent Ramble

I really enjoyed season 2 especially in the first half. In my opinion, it’s better than season 1. What kept it from being a top-tier season for me was the absolute momentum killer of watching Edwina decide to crap or get off the pot. We didn’t need that. 

Then, there was also the lack of sexy times pay off. For some less thirsty than I, the garden scene hit the spot and to those people I say, congratulations for not being a thirsty hoe. But I needed all that passion and longing and pent-up frustration to culminate in a beautiful, passionate, romantic steamy scene. And it just didn’t happen.

My Theories as to Why Season 2 Had Sexy Times Slim Pickins:

The Powers That Be were trying to go a different direction and see if the audience would be ok with less sexy times. (We were not OK.)

The actors weren’t comfortable doing those type of scenes. That’s a valid reason. Just because you’re an actor doesn’t mean you should have to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

When it came to editing, the scenes didn’t look good and so were cut. I had heard that they’d filmed a lot of sexy time scenes that never made it into the show - if that’s true - not sure why. Nicola was talking about how they did the kissing scenes and what felt good didn’t always look the prettiest so maybe some of the Kanthony scenes didn’t meet the aesthetic.

When it comes to Jonathan Bailey, he is very boisterous and great at showing passion and humor. I was impressed with his physical humor in the falling in the water scene. That’s not an easy scene to do. He is the perfect pick for Anthony.

That said, he can only do roles like Anthony. I don’t think he could do a believable soft boy Colin like I don’t feel like Luke N could do an Anthony. They just bring different things to the table acting wise. And I’m glad for that diversity.

I feel like Luke has shown that you don’t have to yell to show passion and desire. You can communicate it in soft boy ways like looking longingly and following the girl you love around like a puppy dog and having a one-sided beef with another man.

And when Colin does yell, people pay attention. Eloise was so completely taken aback by his anger that she apologized like at two different points afterwards. I think that’s what is gonna make that one scene so 🔥 because he’s driven beyond his breaking point that he has to raise his voice.

Like we’re never going to get soft, earnest, endearing moments from Anthony. But we are for sure getting them from Colin. We got the “I want to tear your clothes off” (except they didn’t, BOO!) passion from Anthony and Kate. Now, we get the whole let’s be so besotted with each other that we go too far and then giggle afterwards. 

Kate and Anthony had angry, frustrated passion. Colin and Penelope have joyful passion.

The Colin and Penelope of it all just feels more real and authentic to how a lot of relationships are. I also kind of love the awkwardness of their new beginning.

And those steamy scenes! Season 3 has won hands down with just that carriage scene alone. It was so much better than anything we got in Season 2. I think a huge part of it is the willingness of the actors to be vulnerable and commit 100%. Nicola in particular especially.  Kissing and pretend humping is one thing, but boob touches/kisses. If I had a say, I would probably not let a fellow actor do those things. I’m glad she was OK with it because it made that scene HOT. 

And this is subjective, but they’re just pretty kissers. Their faces look good smooshed up next to each other. I really can’t explain why. (Please someone feel free to break down in a point by point explanation as to why their kisses look so good).

Season 2, realistically, could’ve been my favorite. I do love a brooding, angry caveman but something about the sweetness and earnestness of Polin. It’s winning me over as best season so far.