#i also was told I’m ready to move up a level in classes

[no1islost]

I was looking to buy new rash guards for under my BJJ gi and I randomly came across this women-owned small company called….Black Widow Combat Supply. I swear I didn’t go looking for this specifically hahah I was just looking for generic stuff. Of course it’s not Marvel Black Widow themed, but I like to think that it is lowkey inspired by her. It was so rad so I obviously had to buy a long sleeve. And lemme tell ya, I channeled miss Natasha Romanoff while wearing it under my gi in class tonight. 🕷��

[zreamy]

i'll love you forever

pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader

summary: you were sunghoon's first everything; first friend, first love, and first heartbreak. after years of quietly crushing on you, he was finally ready to confess. so ready to confess, that he told his parents the two of you were already dating! it was an easy enough lie to keep up and he kept it up for months, what could possibly go wrong? he thought. little did he know, you would have a falling out and stop talking for months.. and then, you'd both get invited to spend a week at home with his parents, who still believe you're his girlfriend.

genre: smut, fluff, angst, college au, childhood best friends to lovers, fake dating

warnings: minors dni, fake dating is pretty mild (sorry), she kinda doesn’t rate him at the start, these two kind of exist in a vacuum a little bit idk i had a self-enforced word count to stick to and broke it.. (im within the 10% allowance !), sunghoon in a vest, sunghoon arms, sunghoon

word count: 21,858

playlist: click here.. (for my non-spotify babes, the main song is light by wave to earth (which for some reason i put last.. whatever))

author's note: for silly @asahicore. happy birthday pooks i hope it's amazing and that u enjoy reading this when u have the time !!! LOL (lots of love) also im never writing without telling you things again this was so absurd.

to everyone else.. ok happy reading also emma did not beta read this so im sure it's missing its charm .. anyway it's for emma not you 😭 anyway i hope u enjoy regardless and lmk ur thoughts! omg this is the first fic im nervous about posting.......... please enjoy or else.

In the three years since Park Sunghoon moved away for university, he’d been doing a pretty good job of going home to see his parents. They’d welcome their baby back to the nest with open arms and wide grins. With a rehearsed level of indifference, his younger sister, Yeji, would say, “Oh, I didn’t know you were coming home this weekend.” when she saw him at the dinner table. Sunghoon pretended to only be marginally hurt by this. 

In the last three months, he hasn’t so much as sent a text to his parents. 

Or to you. 

Ignoring texts from his mother is devastating. Between classes, he watches as, “Hi, sweetie, I love you 😍,” turns into, “Missing you, honey, know you must be busy but spare some time for your old mummy, no?” which turns into, “Getting really worried now, are you doing okay? Has something happened with YN? Talk to me, I love you, my baby boy!” 

Ignoring texts from you is easy because texts from you never come. 

Sitting at the end of his bed, Sunghoon rereads a text his mother sent a few minutes ago: Please talk to me, son. Really worried and YN isn’t answering calls either. What’s going on with you two?

When he leaves his room, he finds Jake lying on the couch, and with his keys in hand, Sunghoon says, “I’m going home.” 

And the drive is great! At least, he tells his mum it is. In truth, the drive home without you was nearly impossible. Your ever-expanding home time playlist buzzed through the speakers in his car, but without you there to screech along to the songs, it wasn’t the same. He felt your absence the most when he stopped to get petrol and you weren’t there behind him struggling to carry enough snacks to feed a small family without offering to pay. 

The look of worry on his mum’s face stirs a pit in his stomach. “Why are you so quiet these days? God, you look so tired,” she says, frowning. “Is it school? Or something with YN? It’s not like her not to text back.” Her brows crease as she whispers the word unless. She pulls him into a hug, her chin resting perfectly on his shoulder, and her comforting hand strokes the hair on the back of his head. “Breakups are never easy, honey. I’m so sorry, I know how much you love her.” 

Breakups are never easy. The sentence hangs heavy over his head. 

Whether she knows it or not, she’s handed him a get-out-of-jail-free card, the opportunity to set things straight, to end this mess once and for all. No further questions, and most importantly, no more lies. 

For the first time since he left your flat three months ago, Sunghoon lets himself cry. He’d imagined this moment countless times, his first cry since you ended things. In his mind, it was always intense. Today, as it happens, only a few salty tears leak from his eyes, spilling onto the cuff of his sleeve, darkening the blue cotton in tiny indigo splotches. 

“We didn’t break up,” he says in a small voice—for some reason. “I’m just having a hard time.” Neither statement is technically untrue, but the words taste rotten in his mouth.

The tightening grip of his mum’s arms around his body is what brings on the harsh, shoulder-racking sobs he’d been anticipating. For a while, they stand like this, Sunghoon weeping into his mum’s cardigan until she sends him upstairs to lie down, promising a cup of tea that never comes. 

His childhood bedroom is chilly, so he changes into clothes he left behind and climbs into bed, pulling his duvet up to his chin. He turns his head to look at the walls and the room around him, everything is exactly where he left it in the summer. It should be comforting, but it’s weird to be home without you. 

There are photos of you and him everywhere, growing up and around each other through different stages of life. The two of you together during the summer your family moved in next door, you wore glasses back then and were the first friend he’d made in his life. Sunbathing and sharing earphones at the beach, listening to music together on your iPod classic. Sunghoon in thick glasses with a stiff smile and your arm around him on the first day of high school. Wide grins at the start of this summer, the last time things were okay between you. 

Overwhelmed, he stares up at the ceiling, only realising he’s crying when a hot tear slips from his eyes to tickle his ear. Because Sunghoon likes to upset himself, he screws his eyes shut and thinks about the night before you stopped talking. 

Though he didn’t know it at the time, you’d left Yeonjun’s place to sit with him in a tiny restaurant on campus, the one you’d only visit to toast to each other’s heartbreaks. It had become a ritual — ever since your first year boyfriend dumped you after two weeks — to cry as much as you wanted and drink as much soju as your bodies could handle before stumbling back to your apartments. 

Having spent years suffering from an unrequited crush on his best friend, Sunghoon was always the one to comfort you. But that night was different; you were there to comfort him. It was easy enough to play the part of ‘boy whose crush likes someone else’ because he spent your entire friendship in that role. He’d had no problem accepting his fate, but his composure started to slip when you met Yeonjun. It was the first time you’d dated someone who Sunghoon had reason to be jealous of. In every way, Yeonjun was better than him—taller, funnier, hotter. Sunghoon knew he didn’t stand a chance. He took it personally, you liking Yeonjun instead of him, and let his jealousy consume him from the inside out. 

This jealousy led him to start telling you about Minjeong—lying to you about Minjeong, and his feelings for her. She was a girl from a college out of town that he saw on his Instagram Explore page. He followed her by accident, and by some stroke of luck, she followed back. Sunghoon didn’t really have feelings for her — he didn’t even know her — but she was a girl that you didn’t know, so you wouldn’t be able to meddle. 

It only took a few weeks for Sunghoon to become so upset about your relationship that he couldn’t hide his emotions anymore. So, in a fit of tears, he told you over the phone that things ended badly with Minjeong, and he was in urgent need of a soju ceremony. 

But the night was missing its usual comforts.

It was strange to be the one crying, to see you looking put together and ordering the food. To see you pouring the drinks and raising your glass to propose a toast to ‘Hoonie’s first heartbreak’. You were driving that night, so you only had a tiny sip of soju and let him drink as much as he needed, the way he always did for you, at the same table, in the same restaurant for years. 

Hours later, in your car, you entertained his drunken rambles, though he remembers how your lips were set into a frown that he wanted to kiss away while you gripped the steering wheel like you thought it would run from you. Sunghoon was more drunk than he’d been in a while, drunk enough to let you sling his arm over your shoulders and keep him upright until you reached his flat. 

The voices coming from Yeji’s room disrupt the memory. He’s thankful.

“Your brother’s going through something, so be nice to him this weekend.” His mother’s voice is her version of hushed—a loud whisper. 

Yeji’s response is harder to make out, but he doesn’t miss the way their mum says, “I mean it, missy.” 

A dramatic sigh rumbles through Yeji as she barges into his room without knocking. Sunghoon sits up, feeling an ache in his back and crossing his legs. 

“Mum told me to lay off you today, which is fine, but before I do, I need to tell you something.” 

Yeji pushes the door shut behind her, and the open window makes it slam, both of them flinching from the sudden noise. She pulls her hair out of a silk scrunchie and throws herself on the floor. A pang of irritation forms in his chest, knowing that he could immediately find the empty hanger in his wardrobe where the shirt she’s wearing used to live. 

“I hate you and your perfect golden boy image, Hoon. Would it kill you to fail a class for once? I don’t know how I’m supposed to carry on your legacy.” She’s looking up at him, her chin in her hands and irritation written in the crease between her thick brows. 

It’s impossible to know if it’s because of Yeji’s complete lack of boundaries or the fact that her ‘perfect, golden boy’ big brother is on track to fail three out of three classes and get cut from the hockey team, but Sunghoon immediately bursts into tears. 

“Oh, uh.. I’m sorry?” Yeji offers. “I was kidding if that helps.” 

“I’m alright, it’s okay.” The tears don’t stop stinging his eyes. “Why do you want me to change everything about myself?” 

With a frown, Yeji pours out her frustration and mild resentment. She doesn’t understand how Sunghoon effortlessly conquers every aspect of life while she struggles. Neither do their parents, who had been baffled by her plummeting grades since she moved to boarding school, especially when Sunghoon’s academic performance has only soared since he left for university. The weight of this perceived injustice pulls Sunghoon’s shoulders down with guilt as she talks about the expectations he has inadvertently set for her. 

“But other than that, I’m good.” She shrugs, sitting with her legs out, and leaning back on her palms. “How’s YN?” she asks. It’s clear from the brightness in her voice that she thinks she’s helping. 

Sunghoon cries again. 

Back on campus, he’s trying to scrape together what’s left of his academic career with the help of two of the smartest guys he knows, and their friend Jay. Though the word ‘friend’ feels a little strong at the moment given the way Jay’s goading him. 

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, sitting back in his seat. “There’s nothing you can do that I can’t,” he says, meaning every word. 

Jay scoffs, shrugging and raising his brow in a way that, over the years, Sunghoon knows to interpret as his ‘about to say something ridiculous’ look. “Pretty sure I could call YN right now, and she’d answer.” 

There’s a pit in Sunghoon’s stomach as Heeseung turns his head in the other direction like he’s been slapped, trembling with stifled laughter. At least Jake doesn’t hide his amusement, throwing his head back in a fit of giggles that draw nasty looks from the other students in the library. Sunghoon doesn’t waste his energy trying to argue because Jay’s right.

Now composed, Heeseung turns back to the table, flipping through some of Sunghoon’s course materials to find whatever his class was doing in class that week. The English Literature class he’s taking — The Modernist Movement: Joyce, Woolf, and Hemingway — is the same class he had to send a million emails over the summer to get enrolled in, but it’s the same one Heeseung aced two years ago. Lucky for him none of the boys seem to be in the mood to make fun of him for trying so hard to have a class in common with you, and then practically failing out of it before the term had started properly.

“This class is, like, beyond easy, dude.” Heeseung pauses to sniffle and twist the stud in his ear. “Everyone in my class aced it. How are you doing so badly already?” 

“I only took it because YN thought it’d be fun if we had a class together, but.. I kind of haven’t been going since we stopped talking.” Sunghoon shrugs, pretending to be unaffected. 

As if the mere mention of your name has some sort of summoning power, like saying Biggie Smalls in the mirror three times, you appear in his eye line, rounding the corner with a furious stride. Your demeanour crumbles when Jay waves at you, and you grin, waving back, but as soon as you look Sunghoon in the eye again, the rage comes back, and you smack a hand on the table when you reach it, leaning over to him. 

“Sunghoon, a word?” you ask.

He thinks you’re asking, but it’s hard to tell with the way you set your jaw afterwards, and the way the warmth of your signature vanilla scent hits him hard. Dazed, Sunghoon lifts a hand, pointing at himself. “Me?” 

“Does anyone else at the table answer to Sunghoon?” 

“Okay,” he says, somewhat pathetically, nudging Jay for laughing at him. 

As slowly as possible, Sunghoon pushes his chair from the table and stands up, following you to the corner of the references section where only anthropology students in scratchy thrift store knits, and Jay, come to check out encyclopaedias by volume. You look good, save for the rage written all over your face—which, honestly, Sunghoon thinks he likes.

Sunghoon isn’t sure what to expect, so he says, “Hey.” He’s being cautious, waiting a moment to gauge your reaction. “What’s gooooood?” His cheeks burn as soon as he closes his mouth around the vowel, but you laugh. You laugh, and it’s beautiful and happy, and you’re laughing because of him—or at him, but he’s glad either way. 

Annoyance quickly clears all traces of amusement on your face. “Were you ever going to tell me we’re spending next week at Mum and Dad’s?” you ask. 

Sunghoon gasps dramatically, clicking his fingers. “I knew there was something I’ve been meaning to do.” 

His attempt at lightening the mood falls flat, and you only nudge his shoulder gently, sighing. “Can you be serious? For once in your life, even for a second, can you please think about how the things you say affect me?” You’re frowning, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at your feet. “It’s not fair, Sunghoon. For you to keep saying things—making plans involving me and then acting like I’m the bad guy when I turn you down.” 

“I don’t think you’re the bad guy at all,” Sunghoon admits. “If anyone is in the wrong, it’s me, I guess.”

You scoff, looking at him like you hate him. “You guess? Are you serious?” You look furious, but you sound hurt and Sunghoon hates it. Hates himself. “I can’t have this conversation with you right now. Tell mum I’m sick, and it’s contagious.” You roll your eyes and walk away, leaving Sunghoon alone with his thoughts and judgemental stares from students in crochet scarves so long they graze the floor. 

He sighs, slumping against the wall. How does he keep getting it wrong with you? 

Back at the table, Sunghoon manages to act like he’s not falling apart and makes some serious headway on his missing assignments with Heeseung’s help before they call it a day as the sun starts to set. 

When he gets home, he lies down on his bedroom floor, spending hours poring over the conversation you had. Over the minute changes in your facial expression, the tone of your voice, and the endless list of things he should have done, rather than watch you walk away. 

The moment feels familiar, both identical to and worlds apart from what happened after you left three months ago. When he managed to scrape the last shreds of his dignity from the kitchen table, he dragged his feet to his room and lay down like he is now, face to the rug. That day, he left his door open and lay so still that Jake thought he was dead. Sunghoon remembers wishing he had been. 

For once in your life, even for a second, can you please think about how the things you say affect me? The words run on a loop in his mind, over and over, until he can’t remember the order of the sentence or where you put emphasis. They’re cutting all the same. 

Sunghoon sighs into the itchy fibres of his black rug before rolling onto his back. In the diminishing purple light of the setting sun. he looks at the walls of his room. At the Fleetwood Mac poster, he stole from Jay when they moved out of their first year dorm, that curls away from the wall towards the ceiling—a diagonal strip of shiny tape being the only indication of the otherwise invisible tear through the face of Stevie Nicks. 

He’s glad when his phone rings, cutting through the quiet, though the sight of your name and the anatomical heart emoji next to it only dampens his spirit. Reluctantly, Sunghoon answers the phone, holding it to his ear. 

“I just got off the phone with Dad..” You trail off. Tangible silence follows, so thick it weighs on his chest. “I’ll go home with you.” 

“You will?” 

“Yes. Goodbye.” 

Sunghoon reaches your flat at five in the evening. You don’t smile when you open the door for him, nor do you invite him in. Instead, you dump your bag at your feet and he cringes, looking from the floor to you. You’re aggressively beautiful and cosy-looking as you pull a jacket over the sweater you wore that night. Sunghoon’s heart aches in his chest and he wonders if you even realise. Suddenly, the memory of the last thing you said the morning after hits him like a truck: Then let’s not be friends at all. 

A familiar weight lands on his shoulder—your hand. Concern lines your eyes as you ask if he’s okay. 

With a lump in his throat, Sunghoon nods. 

In the discomfort of his car, the two of you sit in silence while he starts the drive home. 

“How’s Yeonjun,” he asks, eyes flicking towards you but regretting it immediately when he sees how you clench your jaw. 

“No,” you say simply, shaking your head. “You don’t get to ask me about him.” 

These are the only words you exchange until Sunghoon stops for petrol. He has enough fuel for the rest of the journey, but he feels like dying and thinks the fresh air might quell his thoughts of running his car off the road. Like always, the two of you get out and head into the kiosk, where he follows you wordlessly through the aisles, watching you debate on snack choices before settling on the same things you always get. Sunghoon pays for your snacks and you roll your eyes but don’t protest, mumbling thanks as you take them into your arms, leading the way back outside.

He knows he needs to tell you before you reach the house, but he’s not entirely sure how to say it—so he just does. “My, uh.. my parents think we’re dating.”

You stop so suddenly in front of him that he almost bumps into you. Stepping around you, Sunghoon keeps walking. 

Over the top of his car, he watches your face cycle through all five stages of grief until anger comes back around in the loop as you scoff. “Why do they think that?” Your face is devoid of expression now, the blankness over your features dragging a sharp chill over his spine. 

He stares blankly at you, processing. “Because I told them we’re dating,” he mumbles. 

“Why did you.. do that?” You tilt your head, eyes pressing shut in a long blink. “What are you even talking about? Why did you.. What?” 

A thin layer of sweat coats his palms despite the cold. Why did he do that? “We can stage a breakup during the trip or say we broke up right now,” Sunghoon offers. “Just one night, YN, please.” 

The wind whistles by, ruffling your hair and jacket that you hug tightly to your chest. Behind you, Sunghoon takes note of the group of girls standing by the pumps, all five of them jerking their heads abruptly when they notice him watching, suddenly finding interest in the scattered litter and flickering halogen bulbs in the steel canopy over their heads. 

You’re staring when he looks back at you, nostrils twitching with a sniffle before you sigh. “Or we could say that you’re a liar and end things there,” you say. “Or better yet, you go down there on your own and tell them the truth.”

Sunghoon’s gaze drops, his thoughts racing in his mind. He knows you’re right. At some point, his parents will have to find out, and it’d be better for them to find out now. Sunghoon sighs, nodding. “Alright,” he concedes. “I’ll take you back.”

An angry laugh comes out of you as you shake your head. “No need, I’ll walk.” 

The station you’re at is neatly nestled in the middle of nowhere, on a road so narrow he’s not even sure it has a pavement. You’re halfway through the three-hour drive, so there’s no telling how long the walk would be, never mind the fact that the sun is already setting and it’s deep enough into October for the wind to sting. 

“From here?” he asks, incredulous. 

“Yes, open the boot so I can get my bag.” 

Sunghoon can only bring himself to say your name, a desperate whisper. 

“Open the boot.”

He repeats your name as if it’ll make a difference, he’s pleading with you, begging—though he doesn’t know for what. 

You go to the back of his car where Sunghoon joins you, a pit in his stomach when you step away. With misty eyes, you look up at him and his heart breaks. “Please.”

Sunghoon knows you well enough to know that you’re not actually going to attempt the walk home but also knows that you won’t back down if he keeps challenging you. He nods, opening the boot for you and getting into the driver’s seat—your move. 

You stand there, unmoving, and long enough passes that he thinks you’ll actually leave. The boot closes softly and you join him in the passenger seat. You sigh, buckling your seatbelt. “Let’s just get this over with.” 

For the rest of the journey, you sit in silence as Sunghoon briefs you on the relationship, fighting a smile as he thinks about being your boyfriend—even if only for a night. You scoff when he ‘reminds’ you that you’ve been together for four months now and the only reason you haven’t been able to come home recently is that your schedules don’t match up very well anymore—which couldn’t be further from the truth as, before term started, you went out to celebrate the fact that your class schedules couldn’t be more suited for seeing each other. 

Finally, at Sunghoon’s childhood home, the two of you smile and laugh for his parents before going to bed. Your relationship has only made his mother more averse to the idea of you sharing a room under her roof than she had been when you were younger. He’s relieved about this, and in the solitude of his bedroom, he lies on the duvet of his twin bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about the last few hours. 

With his parents, you’d sat up in the living room watching TV. They sat on the couch together, his mum nestled in his dad’s side, while you two sat on the couch opposite, mirroring their position. If your complete stiffness was anything to go by, you were less than comfortable with his arm around you and Sunghoon felt terrible for begging you to go along with this. It was after midnight when you all went upstairs and you let him kiss your forehead before all but slamming the door to the guest room in his face. His heart twirled and his mum beamed at him before saying goodnight again. 

Now, at 3 a.m. he can’t sleep. Flinching at the knock on his door, he furrows his brows and goes to open it. It’s you. Standing there with your hair scraped away from your face in one of his t-shirts. Your eyes are red, brimmed with tears as you step into his room and sit on his bed. 

He closes the door softly, heart aching at the sight of you so upset, and when he sits next to you, his heart tears apart because you move over, putting a distance between you. It falls out of his chest onto the floor when he realises you’re not wearing your necklace. 

Sunghoon suspected you might have stopped wearing it, it only made sense that if you didn’t want him, you wouldn’t want the necklace he bought for you either, but at least earlier, your sweatshirt sat so high he couldn’t see if you had it on or not. 

It was a gift for your sixteenth birthday, after your first heartbreak. He was so upset and angry that you let some loser hurt you that way, upset and angry that someone could be loved by you and fuck it up. Sunghoon was inspired by Jay, who’d gotten a pretty necklace for his girlfriend, and talked about her cute reaction for weeks, how happy she was to have a piece of him with her all the time. It was a locket, with a picture of Jay in one side and a picture of her in the other so the pictures would kiss when she wore it. 

While at the jewellers with Jake, Sunghoon thought something like that might be a bit much for the two of you and eventually picked out an equally pretty piece with his first initial on it. He wrote a corny note to put in the box, something about how ‘boys come and go but Sunghoon is forever’ and gave it to you with trembling hands a few nights later—it was the first time he ever made you cry. Immediately, he thought he’d done something wrong and was ready to snatch the box and run back to the jewellers (even though he trashed the receipt). You hugged him and told him you loved him. Sunghoon’s been riding that high ever since. 

Until tonight at least. 

“Are you okay?” he whispers. 

“I’ll do it, Hoon.” Your eyes lift from the floor to meet his gaze. “For as long as you need me to, I’ll pretend.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, Sunghoon feels lighter, an unbearable weight slipping from his shoulders. You haven’t called him ‘Hoon’ in ages, and he can’t tell if you’ve said it out of vulnerability, or even noticed that you’ve said it at all, but it warms his heart nonetheless. However, he’s not fully at ease, still curious about your sudden change of heart and why you’re crying. 

“What happened?”

You pull him into a hug, and his eyes bulge out of his head. “It doesn’t matter,” you say, the words muffled by the skin at the base of his neck. 

For as long as he’s known you, you’ve smelled like vanilla, a sweet warmth that grounds him. Yet it’s only after these months apart that he’s able to put a name to the sensation: home. The realisation of how much he’s missed this feeling, missed you, floods him with a rush of emotion so overwhelming he can’t find the words to press the issue. A moment passes before he remembers to hug you back, his arms finally wrapping around you, pulling you close, and you sink into his hold. Months ago, he would have kissed the top of your head and mumbled reassurance into your hair, but tonight, Sunghoon settles for stroking the back of your head and hopes it’s enough. 

“You can talk to me, you know? You can always talk to me.”

A heavy silence follows, sharp as a dagger—scraping his skin, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge and lodging itself between his shoulder blades. Sunghoon’s breath hitches in his throat when you cling onto him even tighter, shifting so close you’ve had to settle in his lap. His heart races in his chest, pounding a rhythm so loud it fills the room. 

Finally, you speak, assuring him that you know and that you’re okay. At this, Sunghoon holds you as tight as he can, and neither of you speaks for the rest of the night. You fall asleep like this, in his arms, so deeply that you don’t even stir when he lies down. 

Rubbing your back, he watches the clock on his nightstand, the piercing green LED digits cycling through two whole hours right before his stinging eyes until you wake up. Sunghoon presses his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep when you kiss his cheek and leave his room. 

For the entire morning, you stay in your room, and although Sunghoon is concerned, he decides not to bother you. In the afternoon, he sits at the dining table with his mum, listening as she talks about work. When she asks him, he gets up to make a cup of tea for her. It’s at that moment when you finally come downstairs, looking so effortlessly pretty. Your hair is still damp from the shower, and you’re bundled up in one of his old sweatshirts. There’s a bright grin on your face that leaves his heart thudding. 

“Baby!” you squeal when you see him, charging towards him and wrapping your arms around him from behind. “Good morning.” Your words are muffled against the back of his t-shirt, and the four-letter word, and the sugar coating it, make his cheeks burn. 

“It’s great to see you too, YN,” his mum says with a smile. “My night was amazing; I slept very well and had no dreams.” 

You let go of Sunghoon and walk over to the table, kissing his mum on the cheek and wishing her a good morning as well. “Sorry, mum, how are you?” 

His mother doesn’t seem to have the heart to correct you either, allowing your 3 p.m. ‘good morning’ to go unnoticed. 

Sunghoon carefully fills both mugs to the brim and, with extra caution, carries them to the table. He places a steaming cup of peppermint tea in front of his mum and a milky coffee in front of you. A warm smile spreads across your face as you mouth a ‘thank you’, and his knees turn to jelly. 

The next day, after eating an early dinner with his parents at the table, the four of you go out on a walk along the bike path you used to take for school. His parents have gone ahead, not intentionally, but because Sunghoon can’t stop you from dragging your feet. 

As with most things in the town where you grew up, nothing about the trail has changed. The leaves are yellowing in standard form for the season, and crunching under his feet with each step he takes. The only foreign experience is the silence that you’re determined to uphold. Everything Sunghoon says to you is met with either a hum, a nod, or no acknowledgement at all. At this point, he feels like he could drop dead at your side and the most you’d do is step over his body like a fallen branch. 

After letting you go ahead, the weathered slats of the wooden footbridge sag in the middle under his tread. It’s been like this for as long as he can remember and he wonders how nothing has been done about it. The stream rushes under it, loud and unruly, the smell of wet grass both comforting and suffocating as you look over the railing. It’s like something from a postcard, the low-hanging branches sweeping back and forth under the breeze, the grass lush and green around the path, murky water thrashing against the mud and rocks underneath with you in the middle of the frame, peering over the edge.

You keep walking when Sunghoon approaches, leaving him alone on the creaky bridge with nothing but the ache in his chest. He looks up, staring at the grey clouds in the sky through the gaps in the leaves, and sighs. 

Eventually, he catches up with you, grabbing your hand and locking his fingers with yours when his parents slow down. You stiffen, looking up at him with cut eyes and a creased brow. “What are you doing?”

Sunghoon matches your clipped tone. “Holding my girlfriend’s hand.” 

“No one’s looking, boyfriend.”

“You think my parents aren’t going to wonder why we’re lagging behind?” 

A scoff—your fingers remain defiantly stiff. “Do you think your parents are going to care whether or not we’re holding hands?” 

“My mum might after the show you put on yesterday afternoon, baby.” Bitterness covers the word like a blanket, a stark departure from how you said it. 

A long sigh rumbles its way out of you before you fix your lips into a strained grin. “Sorry, sweetheart, this is my first time pretending to be in love.” 

As your words hang in the air, Sunghoon’s emotions brew like a storm within him. Frustration gnaws at his patience. All hopes for a smooth week are dashed, though determination simmers in his chest with a strong resolve to make this work, to fix your relationship. It doesn’t stop the sharp pang of hurt piercing his stomach—he knows you don’t feel the same way, he knows you’re faking, but the word ‘pretending’ hits him like a truck anyway. 

“We held hands all the time when we were friends,” he points out.

Your smile drops immediately, hurt flashing behind your eyes. “Yeah, and now we’re not.” 

If there was a competition for who could hurt Sunghoon’s feelings the most, you’d be a shoo-in for first place. With distinction. 

“Exactly!” he says, feeling the sting of his own words. “Because now we’re dating.”

At the sight of his mum turning around, you switch up in an instant. Lock your fingers with his, wrapping an arm around his bicep, leaning into him, giggling. It’s forced but his parents are far enough away that all that matters is the curve of your lips.

“You two okay back there?” she asks. 

“Perfect! I feel like a kid again!” you call back, beaming up at Sunghoon in a way that makes his stomach flutter even though it doesn’t meet your eyes. 

The two of you don’t talk at all when you get home, with you hugging his parents goodnight and running up the stairs. 

“She’s not feeling too well,” he explains, nodding when his dad tells him to make you some tea. 

His parents spend the whole day at work, and you spend the whole day following him around like a shadow until the evening when they return. He doesn’t pretend not to like it.

Sunghoon helps you make dinner, turning leftover rice into fried rice with the help of some eggs and vegetables. It’s nice moving around the kitchen with you, watching you scramble eggs in his t-shirt and bump his hip with a playful frown when he eats some of the peppers you’re chopping. 

His parents watch from the table, cooing over the two of you and he does his best to fight the blush forming on his cheeks and neck. Embarrassed, he hugs you from behind, hiding his face in your neck—the scent of your coconut conditioner mixing with your vanilla perfume doesn’t do anything to stop the flush. 

Over a bottle of wine, the four of you eat together at the table, swapping stories about your days. Sunghoon tries to hide his surprise as you lie about the time you spent at the play park by your primary school, competing for height on the swings and spinning on the roundabout until you couldn’t stand up. You grin at him, and it meets your eyes as you hold his hand under the table, and kiss his cheek.

After eating, his parents head upstairs, leaving to clean up together. You hum a song he’s never heard as you load the dishwasher, carefully placing the plates and cutlery in the rack, shaking your head when he hands you the glasses you’d used. 

“Leave ours,” you say. “If you want.” 

Sunghoon nods, putting them back on the table, where you sit in the seat across from the one he was sitting in. He sits too, staying quiet rather than saying the wrong thing. You don’t speak either. It’s reminiscent of the past—the hours you’d spend in the same room, only speaking to share a funny post you’d come across or to ask if you were hungry. 

His eyes track your movements—reaching for the half-empty bottle on the table to pour yourself another glass, filling it to the brim. Before putting it down, you offer him some, filling his glass too when he nods. The three glasses of wine he’s already had must be the reason he wants to reach across the table and hold your hand, run his thumb over the soft skin on the back of it. 

Sunghoon doesn’t know why you’ve been so nice to him all day or why it makes his chest hurt. 

“You know you don’t have to be nice to me when we’re alone, right?” The words come out before he can stop them.

Over the top of your glass, your brows knit together. A sound of confusion, a low hum, comes from your throat as you try to finish your sip. “What?” you ask finally. 

“I only asked you to do this because of my parents, you know? You don’t have to sit or talk with me when they’re not around.” 

Sunghoon’s known you long enough to recognise the look that flashes across your face. The way your eyes narrow and your brows tug together, the little pout that sets on your lips before you speak; you’re hurt.

“Why can’t I just be nice to you because it’s the right thing to do?” 

Because it hurts, is what he wants to say. He wants to cry, to beg you to forget everything he said that day. “Because I don’t want to make you any more uncomfortable than I already have.” Is what he settles for. 

Your face softens. “I don’t feel uncomfortable around you, Hoon. We were best friends for ages, I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable.” You pause to take a gulp of wine. “Why can’t I just want to be nice to you?” 

Sunghoon has to chew on his cheek to distract himself from how much your word choice stings. The implications of were and all of your past tense. “I’m sorry,” he says. 

“What for?” 

“Everything.” 

There’s a sadness in the way you run your fingers on the base of your glass. The way you chew on your lip, how your hair falls when you tilt your head and how it moves when you shake it. “It’s not your fault,” you say. “I don’t know anyone who would choose to have unrequited feelings for their best friend.” 

Wow, he thinks. You’re on a roll. Sunghoon wonders if you’re meticulously choosing your phrasing to upset him. Wonders why you feel the need to remind him that his feelings aren’t reciprocated as if he didn’t live through and spend hours reliving the day he confessed. 

“But I didn’t have to tell you about it. It was unfair of me to spring that on you when I knew about Yeonjun.” 

“Did you.. did you think I was going to leave him for you?” 

“Maybe?” Sunghoon chews on his lip—he has no idea what he thought would happen. “I think I thought I loved you enough for both of us, that you might play the part for fun or out of curiosity, and.. I don’t know, just learn to love me.”

“Hoon,” you whisper, frowning. “How could you even think about settling for something like that?” 

Sunghoon shrugs. “It’s not settling if it’s you.” 

Silence takes a seat at the table after he speaks, interrupted only by the ticking clock on the wall—a glittery mess of scrapbooking paper and washi tape layered over each other that Yeji had decorated at summer camp years ago. You’re picking at your fingernails, letting flecks of black polish fall to the table, stark against the varnished oak. 

“I know it’s not my place to ask,” Sunghoon starts after a while, hesitant and only continuing when you nod. “But what did Yeonjun say when you told him? About.. everything?” 

You take a long sip from your glass and sit quietly for so long that he thinks you’re not going to answer him—he doesn’t blame you. 

“I didn’t.” 

He waits for you to elaborate. You don’t. 

Sunghoon nods slowly, deciding not to ask any follow-up questions. Instead, he takes another drink, scrunching his nose at the bitter taste. “He didn’t ask why we stopped hanging out?” he blurts out.

“I told him we fell out but I didn’t say why.” You shrug, but your posture is stiff. 

“Where did you tell him you were going to be this week?” He knows it’s not his business at all, that he’s pushing your boundaries, but he can’t help his curiosity.

“Nowhere.” 

“You told him you were staying on campus?” 

“I didn’t tell him anything.” Your gaze shifts, avoiding his as you toy with the stem of your glass. You drum your nails against it, letting the dull clink ring out. 

“So you just left?” 

“Does it make a difference to you?” 

Sunghoon nods.

For a while, you tug at the drawstrings on your hoodie, pursing your lips to the side, considering this. “Yeonjun and I aren’t together anymore.” Your admission is so shocking that Sunghoon’s jaw drops. He tries to cover his surprise by coughing, his tongue sticking out like a small child. “I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want you to think it was because of you.” 

Sunghoon’s thoughts move at lightspeed, too fast for him to catch onto any of them and process this information. His emotions compete with each other—disbelief, guilt, and a painful glimmer of hope he hadn’t dared to acknowledge until now all at the forefront. 

“Was it?” he asks. “Because of me?” 

You scoff—an incredulous sound that doesn’t match the sad look on your face. “I don’t know, Sunghoon. Do you think my boyfriend used me to make his ex jealous because of you?”

He’s not sure what he expected you to say, but this is.. Complete disbelief eclipses him as his heart sinks in his chest, shock, and guilt bubbling in his stomach. 

“I’m sorry,” he says after too long. “That I wasn’t there. That I haven’t been there.” 

“You didn’t know,” you say, gaze softening as you look up at him. 

“But I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it.” 

You shake your head. “I made me feel like I couldn’t talk to you about it. All you did was change the friendship, I’m the one who ended it.”

“I still should’ve been there.” 

“You’re here now, right?” 

Sunghoon nods, earnestly. “Always.” 

Only one thing comes to mind when you repeat the word ‘always’ before taking a sip from your glass, downing its contents. Sunghoon gets up and crosses the room with wobbly steps to open the fridge, where he pulls out as many bottles of soju as he can hold in his hands and puts them down on the table. He goes back to collect some glasses from the cabinet, puts some of the leftover fried rice from dinner into the microwave, and brings it all over when it’s done, with bowls and utensils. You watch him with a fond smile as he opens a bottle and he hopes you think the flush on his cheeks is from all the drinking you’ve been doing. 

“Is it bad that I’ve missed doing this?” You’re grinning now.

Sunghoon shakes his head, raising his glass. “To YN’s fifteenth heartbreak.” 

You grin, clinking the rim of your glass against his. “To YN’s fifteenth heartbreak,” you repeat. 

Both of you down the glasses, and Sunghoon refills them, pouring the soju with an oddly steady hand. As you eat spoonfuls of rice and sip your drinks, silence settles over the room. The soft glow of the kitchen lights forms a warm ambience, a cosy familiarity that brings up simple memories—doing homework together at the table while gossiping about your classmates, the first New Year after you were both eighteen and had your first drink with his parents. 

For at least an hour, the only sounds are the occasional clinks of forks against bowls, glasses hitting the table, the faint hum of the refrigerator and the steady tick of Yeji’s clock. Sunghoon’s eyes meet yours, and he can’t help but notice the slight change in your expression when they do. 

You clear your throat, running a hand through your hair. “This is my sixteenth, actually.” 

“What?” 

You take a small sip of soju, staring down at the table. “My fifteenth heartbreak was losing you. Yeonjun is my sixteenth.”

In the two days since your soju ceremony, Sunghoon finds himself sinking into the role of your boyfriend like a hot bath. But there’s no use pretending it doesn’t hurt. Pretending it doesn’t hurt when you kiss his cheek before bed, or when you reach out to push the hair out of his face or snuggle into his side on the couch; because it does hurt—a lot. It hurts to think that in three days when you put your bags in the boot of his car, you’ll sit in silence all the way home. When he drops you off at your flat, you’ll close the door in his face and stop talking to him again. These realisations are harder to confront when he’s alone in his room, like now. 

About an hour ago, you asked if you could borrow his car, saying there was something you needed to do on your own. It seemed important, so he handed over his keys with no question. Sighing, Sunghoon gets up from his bed and heads to the shower, where he jerks off to clear his mind. On his way back to his room, he notices the light leaking from the open kitchen door that illuminates the landing. 

He hears the lock on the front door clicking, and stands at the top of the stairs, dripping water onto the carpet while listening attentively. His ears perk up when he hears a gasp—his mother. 

“What’s this for?” she asks. 

“I just..” You trail off. “I know it’s not much, but I wanted to thank you both for always looking after me.” You pause, and Sunghoon holds his breath, waiting. Your voice trembles as you continue. “It’s been hard since my parents went back home, and I guess it was still hard when they were here, but you both supported me. I don’t think I could’ve managed without you guys. I want to make you guys proud, you know? And I’m trying, really, so this is me saying thank you. I’m sorry it took me so long.” 

He grips the railing by the landing, digging his nails into the wood until they start hurting—an ache in his fingertips that makes him wince. 

An odd feeling settles in his stomach, a bittersweetness tinged in his fondness for you, and the gentle shock of realising how much his parents have done for you. Growing up, you became an honorary member of Sunghoon’s family. His parents showered you with gifts during holidays and birthdays, which you often celebrated with them rather than your own family. 

The memory of your parents’ sudden decision to move across the country still lingers, and Sunghoon vividly recalls the tearful conversation he overheard at the top of the stairs. Your parents understood the enormity of their request but had earnestly asked if Sunghoon’s parents could continue looking after you. 

His chest tightens when you start crying. 

“You don’t have to thank us for anything, sweetie. Just you being here and taking care of our boy is more than enough thanks. You never forget our birthdays, and you always come and visit when you can. You’re doing a great job, and you should give yourself some credit,” his dad says, a little choked up. “We’ve always been proud of you.” 

Sunghoon’s eyes sting with tears and his skin gets dry in the spots where the water from the shower is evaporating. He presses his fingers to his closed eyes, forcing a few tears to fall and walks the rest of the way to his room with his eyes shut. He can’t hear anything through his closed bedroom door, which he decides is a good thing as he coats himself in moisturiser and swipes deodorant under his arms with intention to spend the whole night alone. Once he’s dressed, he gets into bed and pretends not to be bothered by the way his wet hair dampens his pillow. Under the duvet, he tosses and turns before sighing and heading to Yeji’s room.

In her absence, the room’s subtle transformation is stark. The sage green-painted walls, once a backdrop to the A3 faces of Wave to Earth and Beabadoobee, now bear the faint imprints of those missing posters. Tiny, shadowy rectangles are the only remnants of the 6x4-sized pictures of her and her friends, of her and Sunghoon, that she took away with her to school.

Her hairdryer is still on her desk where she’d left it for him to use and he sits in her stiff wooden chair, plugging it in. The airflow starts immediately, hot and loud, humming throughout the space as he runs his fingers through his wet hair, feeling cosy under the heat. His shampoo is fresh and soapy scented under his nose, and his reflection watches him in Yeji’s mirror, eyes red and concerned while his hair blows around his head. Sunghoon closes his eyes and finishes his hair, sighing as he lets his worries slip under the whir of the fan. 

Finished, he shuts off the dryer and opens his eyes, flinching at your reflection in the doorway behind him with a soft smile on your face. “Mum and Dad are going to open a bottle of wine if you want to join,” you say, meeting his eyes in the mirror. 

Sunghoon can’t find it in himself to speak, only nodding in response. You smile wider but don’t move. He unplugs the hairdryer and leaves it on the desk where he found it before crossing the room. Without giving himself a chance to think about it, he pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head, smiling into your hair when you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him closer. 

You’re sitting on the edge of the bathtub, mumbling sleepily that you’re never going to drink again, and Sunghoon leans over the sink brushing his teeth, he’s glad you have the decency to cover your mouth as you speak. 

“Brush your teeth and go back to sleep then,” he mumbles around his toothbrush. 

You don’t respond. 

Sunghoon sighs through his nose, spitting foamy toothpaste into the sink, leaving bubbly, blue splatters on the porcelain. “And quit staring at me, I can feel your beady little eyes on the back of my neck and it’s freaking me out.” 

“But you’re so pretty,” you coo. 

There’s a flutter in his stomach and he rinses off the sink and his mouth, buying himself some time. With a hand on the Listerine, he lifts his gaze to meet yours in the mirror and stops short. You’re still staring at him, features soft and glowing under the afternoon light. You look like an angel; a gentle smile spreading over your lips, and a sleepy glint sparkling in your eyes, wide and gorgeous as you watch him. Sunghoon gulps, mumbling his thanks and looking back at himself. He hopes you can’t see the flush on his cheeks. 

“Go back to sleep,” he says. 

“Will you come and lie down with me if I do?” Your voice is a sleepy drawl, coming out in a slow, high-pitched slur, and your eyes are closing on themselves. 

Lying down doesn’t sound like a terrible idea, especially not if it’s with you, so he nods. “If you brush your teeth, then yeah, baby, I’ll lie down with you.” 

You chuckle softly at Sunghoon’s agreement, the sound carrying a mix of exhaustion and genuine amusement, showing no repulsion to him calling you the B-word. He didn’t mean to, it’s been a confusing few days. You nod, saluting to him and getting up to join him by the sink, using your hip to bump him out of the way, but he feels like he’s glued to the spot. 

“Move, baby,” you mumble sleepily, reaching for your toothbrush. “We can cuddle in my bed,” you suggest, to which Sunghoon only nods, taking your words as a cue to unstick his feet from the floor and go to your room, playing the word ‘baby’ on a loop in his head. 

He stands in the doorway staring at your bed, the duvet is all crumpled in the middle, and the pillows are in an L shape at the top corner. He sighs, he can’t go on like this, can’t stand around hoping even a tiny part of you called him ‘baby’ and it meant something for you as it did for him. It’s not fair for him to project his feelings on you like this, but he can’t help it. You’re already pretending for his parents, so would it be so bad to pretend for his sake as well? Even if only until the day after tomorrow when you leave? 

The sound of the bathroom door shutting behind you snaps him out of his thoughts, your bright smile making his heart race when you tug him by the sleeve to your bed where the mattress dips underneath you as you curl into his form, resting your head on his chest and falling asleep. You’ve shared the bed before, countless times, but he knows you’ve only asked him because you’re tired. Because your brain is foggy with drowsiness that clouds your judgement, not because you want him there, not because you miss him when he’s two doors down the hall, tossing and turning at night thinking about you. He wonders absently if you can feel his aching heart beating through his chest, a painful, yet all too familiar rhythm that pulls his own eyes shut, plunging him into a deep sleep too.

It’s dark in the room when he wakes up, the sun already down behind the curtains and the soft yellow of the bedside lamp casting a glow around the space. You’re staring up at him, smiling and you don’t look away when he catches you. “What is it?” he asks, voice thick with sleep. 

“Nothing,” you mumble. “I just missed you.” Sunghoon has no time to respond or even register what you said before you clear your throat, speaking again.  “Come on, dad’s cooking tonight, he’ll need help.” 

Helping Sunghoon’s dad with dinner always looks an awful lot like Sunghoon eating snacks on the kitchen counter and staring at you as you help his dad cook. Tonight is no exception, he’s sitting on the island, and his snack of choice is a family pack of Chilli Heatwave Doritos his mum bought for Yeji. He’ll have to remember to replace them before leaving seeing as he’s reaching the halfway point. 

You go back and forth with his dad about measurements, with you rummaging through the drawers for measuring cups while his dad says it’s best to trust your gut. Reluctantly, you nod, chewing the inside of your cheek as you watch him eyeball the seasoning. 

The gas stove turns the kitchen into an oven, and you complain about it while opening a window, pulling your hoodie over your head and leaving it in Sunghoon’s lap. Time stops when you grin at him, the light from the stove hood illuminating the necklace you’re wearing, his initial resting on your chest and glowing under the light. He chokes around a crisp when he sees it, catching your attention with his coughing. 

“You’ll spoil your dinner, snacking like that, baby,” you scold, using a hand to push his knee. “We’re almost done, I swear.” 

All he can do is nod, cheeks burning as he folds the crisp packet over before putting it back in the bread bin where he found it. 

“Wow,” his dad says, resting his hands on his hips and shaking his head in amusement. “Being in love looks good on him, he’d never have listened if I said that.” 

It’s already your last day when Sunghoon picks up Yeji from school. She grumbles for the entire half-hour drive and all the way to the front door about why the two of you couldn’t have started the trip today instead of ending it, but all of her irritation dissolves when she sees you in the hallway, leaving the front door wide open to fling her arms around you. You and Yeji exchange compliments for a while — You look so pretty. No, you look so pretty. I love your hair. I love your hair. — as Sunghoon locks the door and watches with a smile.

“God.” Yeji sighs, holding you by the waist and craning her neck up to look at you, as you push some of her hair from her face, pinning back her wispy bangs with the palm of your hand. Yeji giggles. “I’m so happy you two are together, even though I have no idea what a girl like you sees in my loser brother.” 

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall. Despite his mild irritation at Yeji’s words, he finds the sight of you with her so adorable his stomach flutters. Over the top of Yeji’s head, you look at him with a fond smile. “He’s not so bad.” 

It doesn’t sound like a compliment, but Sunghoon takes it to heart. 

Like always, Yeji manages to capture your undivided attention and the two of you giggle and whisper with each other all afternoon while Sunghoon watches, too enamoured by the sight to care about being left out. An hour or so passes like this, until his parents get home from work, excited to see Yeji after a few weeks, and you leave her side, coming to cuddle with Sunghoon instead. 

It’s nice being home with everyone, laughing and sharing a meal before his family walks the two of you to his car with at least a month’s worth of cooked food for you to share at university. Yeji makes you pinky promise that she can visit you and waves with a pout on her face until the car is out of view.

Contrary to what he’d been expecting, the drive back is nice. Your playlist is on, and you’re telling him about all the new songs you added, catching him up on things with Chaewon and Yunjin, and all the things you got up to in the time you spent apart. You tell him about a new café that opened up near your place and how you’ll have to go together when he has the time, and Sunghoon bites his tongue before telling you that he always has time for you. The first half of the trip goes on like this but you start dozing off around the halfway mark, your sentences becoming few and far between, eventually turning into half-mumbled thoughts that end prematurely. 

You’re still asleep when he reaches your flat, head propped up against the window with your soft lips parted, looking too pretty and cosy to wake up. Instead, he drives in circles around your block, deciding to wait for you to wake up on your own. It only takes a half-hour but you blink your eyes open, stretching your neck before looking around and out the car window, recognising the street. You don’t say anything, only smiling when you look at him, a small curve of your lips that makes his heart race.

He gets out of the car with you, opening the boot to get your bag before pulling you into his chest for a hug, liking the way your arms settle around his waist. “Thank you,” he mumbles into your hair. 

Sunghoon doesn’t follow you when you take your bag from him, only watching from the back of his car. You don’t notice until you reach the main door, looking over your shoulder and frowning at him. “Aren’t you going to walk me up?” 

The two of you walk in silence up four flights of stairs as the lift in your building is out of order. Your bag feels much heavier in his hand now than it did outside. At your door, he watches you dig around for your keys, sighing with relief when you find them. 

“Do you want to come in?” you ask from your open doorway.

“I—uh—I have training in the morning and I’m already pretty tired, so..” He trails off.

Unfazed, you nod. “Right, of course. I had fun this week.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

You smile at him, sweet and sincere. “Text me when you get home, yeah?” 

Sunghoon nods, saying goodbye. Out of habit, he doesn’t leave your doorstep until he hears the lock click shut, and walks back to his car with his head down. 

True to his word, he sends you a text to let you know he got back to his place safely and you read it immediately but don’t reply. It’s empty in the apartment, Jake is out with his football team and the space is larger than usual in his absence. Far too tired to even consider going out and joining him, Sunghoon goes through his night routine, putting his phone on the charger and stepping into the shower where he spends entirely too long wishing he could live in this week forever as he scrubs his body. With brushed teeth and damp hair, he goes back into his room where his phone lights up with a notification; a text, from you.

YN🫀: i’m glad you got home okay, i just got into bed :) i don’t want to make you uncomfortable or overstep or anything and you can say no (obviously).. i’ve been missing you so much and didn’t know how to reach out or if you wanted me to but i had soooo much fun this week and spending time with you again made me happy, so i’d like it if we could keep hanging out, like before yk? ik it’s a long shot ahahaha but just say you’ll think about it? 

hoonie: You’re not overstepping at all, I’ve missed you too, so bad. I had soooo much fun this week as well and I’d like it a lot if we kept hanging out, thank you for agreeing and coming along 😚 If you’re free after Lit tmrw you could come over? Or we could go out and do something, whatever you prefer

hoonie: I missed you so much.. 

hoonie: 🤍

The texts greet you as the first rays of Monday morning light filter into your room, instantly lifting your mood. Your bright smile doesn’t escape Chaewon’s notice as you find her in the kitchen, bathed in the soft light seeping through the sheer curtains. The kettle is boiling with a loud rumble that fills the whole room and leaves her yelling as she speaks to you. 

“Good trip?” she asks, coming over and hugging you. “Never leave me for that long again,” she mumbles into your shirt. 

“It was a week, Wonie,” you say, rolling your eyes even though you missed her too. 

She leans away, looking at you with knitted brows. “It was nine days.” 

“The longest of my life.” 

Chaewon pulls air through her teeth, tilting her head and releasing you. “That bad, huh?” she asks, walking back to her seat at your tiny square table and shooting you a look that tells you to join her. 

During your trip, you gave her nightly updates over text, so you know she knows how much you enjoyed yourself, but you elaborate anyway, sitting across from her.��

“No, not at all,” you say, shaking your head and trying to fight a smile. “I had fun.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, you have to bite your bottom lip to stop the grin curving them; it doesn’t work. 

Chaewon raises a suggestive brow, crossing her arms over her chest. “How much fun?” 

“You’re disgusting.” 

“I didn’t even say anything!” she defends, holding her hands up. “I made an implication. It was only a matter of time, you two have that whole.. lifelong best friends to lifelong lovers thing going on, and it’s hot.” 

“Shut up.” 

“You’re telling me, you spent nine days playing lovers with Sunghoon and you still don’t want him? You’re a lost cause, people would kill for that chance,” she says, tilting her head. “I think I would kill for that chance.” 

“Don’t touch him.”

“Oh?” 

“Jesus, Chaewon, it’s not like that. Hoon’s too sensitive for your roster.” 

“I never said it was like anything, you’re the one who’s dangling me over the ledge for saying I want to fuck your hot best friend.” 

“Sunghoon isn’t hot; he’s..” You find yourself at a loss for words, unsure how to continue your lie. Of course, Sunghoon is hot, you’ve known since you were seventeen and spent the summer at your grandparents’ house, only to come back to find your previously scrawny best friend having ditched his LEGOs for dumbbells. You sigh. “Just leave him alone.”

Chaewon grins, eyes sparkling as she leaves the table. “Okay,” she says in a singsong voice, leaving you and the irritation in your stomach alone in the kitchen.

You sigh, pressing your eyes shut and trying to will away your discomfort. It’s not like Chaewon would actually try anything with Sunghoon. Right? Even if she did, it wouldn’t bother you, nor would it be any of your business. They’re grownups and reserve the right to explore their options. Still, there’s a nagging feeling you can’t shake, an uninvited guest in the back of your mind. 

When you check your phone, you realise you have half an hour before you need to head to campus, so you leave to get ready and text Sunghoon back on the way to your room.

you: sounds good, see u later 🤍

After showering, you stand in front of your wardrobe, towel hanging from your body as you pick an outfit. For some reason, you feel under pressure, picking a pair of jeans that do the most for your ass and a low-cut top that Sunghoon once — drunkenly — said he loved on you.

You have the residual sting of mouthwash on your tongue, and one foot out the door when your phone vibrates in your hand. 

hoonie: Do you want to head to class together? 

you: sure! i’m omw out, where should i get you? 

hoonie: .. I’m outside your building :D 

Breathing a laugh through your nose, you don’t fight the giddy smile on your face as you make your way downstairs to meet Sunghoon. Through the glass in the main door, he’s standing at the edge of the pavement and kicking a stone between his feet. The top of his puffer jacket covers the bottom half of his face, and the draught nips your skin when the door opens. Two girls you vaguely recognise stumble in with smudged makeup and heels in their hands, smiling at you while holding the door to let you out.

“Hey!” you call out, jogging over to him. 

Sunghoon turns around, his head poking out of his jacket to grin at you, holding a travel cup and an abundance of tinfoil in your direction. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d have eaten anything yet, you don’t normally in the morning,” he says, a sheepish smile spreading over his lips when you take it. “Matcha. Ham and cheese toastie.” 

“Did you make these?” you ask, inspecting the familiar cup and appreciating the warmth it provides. 

He hums, nodding his head.

You ignore the heat spreading over your cheeks and thank him with a hug, grinning when he offers to hold your drink while you eat on the walk. The toastie is still hot, the cheese coming close to burning your tongue as you chew, but you appreciate it wholeheartedly, humming contently with each bite. When you’re done, you shove the foil into your pocket, taking your drink from him and smiling around the sweet taste of a matcha latte as he tells you about his schedule for the day. 

“I’m meeting with Coach after class to talk about my grades, but I’m all yours after that.” 

“Talk about your grades? What’s wrong with your grades?” 

Sunghoon groans, head falling back and highlighting the bump of his Adam’s apple. “My grades are.. I failed my coursework this month, so I have resubmissions during finals, and I think he’ll bench me if I fail again.” 

He sounds like he’s being serious, and if the look on his face is anything to go by, he is. The news creases your brows because for as long as you remember, Sunghoon’s grades were your parents’ favourite point of comparison.

“Really?” you ask. He nods. “What’s up? Is something the matter?” 

A humourless laugh slips out of him before he pulls air through his teeth. “Yeah, my best friend didn’t talk to me for three months.” 

“Oh..” Guilt stirs your stomach as you look up at him. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not blaming you, it’s not like I was trying to talk and you ignored me.” He nudges your arm with his elbow, giving you a warm smile. “But if you feel as guilty about it as you look, you can tutor me for Lit.” 

“Deal.” 

Sunghoon grins, wrapping his arm over your shoulders and holding you close; the action itself isn’t unusual, but the increased heart rate it brings about is. “You’re too good to me,” he says, holding onto you for the rest of the walk to class.

At his request, you sit with Sunghoon in the back row, watching as the lecture hall gradually fills up in front of you. He seems well-prepared, with his laptop and a small notepad and pen neatly arranged on the desk in front of him.

Throughout the class, your eyes inadvertently track his every move. He diligently types up colour-coded notes, occasionally pausing to write things in his notepad before continuing to type or stopping entirely to listen. There’s something melodic about his actions and the way his fingers run over the keyboard. 

During a five-minute break, you glance at his screen. What you find is more than just lecture content; it’s a document adorned with Sunghoon’s own musings about Hemingway’s style and carefully analysed quotations that go beyond the class discussion.

“How are your notes so good?” 

“I picked up the book over the summer when you mentioned it,” Sunghoon replies with a shrug, a shy smile playing on his lips as he leans back in his seat. “I liked it.” 

A slow nod is your response, though your thoughts swirl like autumn leaves in a breeze. The last time Sunghoon read for leisure, you were in primary school, buddy reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid. But this—this is different. You can’t help but stare at him, awestruck as you take him in. His eyes are wide, shining amber in the sunlight as he pushes some of his hair from his face, frowning when it falls back where it was. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” he mumbles. 

Sunghoon takes a new line in his document and points at the screen where you watch the cursor move through the words he’s typing: I would’ve read and annotated the Bible if you wanted me to..

There’s no time to digest what he wrote or the funny feeling in your chest as you reread it before he deletes the whole sentence, pressing his lips together and looking out the window. Speechless, you stare at his side profile, willing your heart rate to slip back to normal. Steep-sloping nose, plump lips flattened into a line, two points of the triangular mole constellation on his face. Analysis worsens your condition, breath hitching in your throat before stopping entirely. Warmth and trepidation blend within you, fuzzy enough at the edges to seem like one thing—a single force that makes your palm itch with desire, desperation, to reach out and run a finger over his features, feel the bump of the mole on his nose — the most prominent — against your skin. 

You remain this way — silent, watching — even when your lecturer resumes the lesson, and Sunghoon starts typing, writing, and listening again. Polite enough to pretend he doesn’t notice your gaze searing into his face.

After class, and his meeting with Coach, you let Sunghoon lead the conversation and the way to your flat, where you find Chaewon and Yunjin sitting on the couch, whispering to themselves while the two of you study at the coffee table. It’s uncomfortable, an awkward height, too high for the way you’re sitting but you feel calm under the supervision of Chaewon and Yunjin—you won’t do anything to merit teasing in front of them, no matter how badly you want to feel Sunghoon’s face in your hands or stroke his cheekbones with your thumbs. 

To the best of your ability, you answer the questions he has for you—he’d written a ton in his tiny notepad during class, his own concerns clear with each neatly-penned iteration of: How to see actions/dialogue for what they are and not what I want them to be? written in the margins and you try not to feel heartbroken for him.

Three hours have passed by when you walk him to the door, the two of you wrapped up in a bubble so secure you’re surprised to find Chaewon and Yunjin still sitting on the couch. They don’t say anything about Sunghoon in his absence, or the fact he’d given you his sweater when he noticed you were cold. You’re not sure why their silence disappoints you.

Instead, Yunjin asks you about trivial things like dinner while Chaewon sits in silence. 

“What flavour for ice cream?” Yunjin asks, rolling her eyes when you tug on the blanket but not complaining. “And don’t say something ridiculous like mint chocolate, YN.” 

“That happened once! And it was three years ago.. How was I supposed to know you hate fun?” 

Chaewon leans into you, letting you curl your limbs around her from behind as you rest your chin on her shoulder, liking the way her clean scent tickles your nose. 

“Mint-cho isn’t that bad,” she starts. “It’s a little jarring, sure, but it’s kind of sweet. Like watching people come to terms with their feelings for each other.” 

You nod your head, humming in understanding and furrowing your brows when Yunjin scoffs, staring straight at you. Her tone is equal parts cutting and loving, so you know she’s not trying to insult you, but don’t know what she means when she says, “It must be so nice to be as oblivious as you.” 

Yunjin never elaborates, and you never ask, actually feeling the statement’s journey in through one of your ears and out the other when dinner arrives. The three of you share pizza, ice cream, and secrets — the three pillars of 20-something-teenage-girlhood — at the kitchen table, with Chaewon sitting in your lap and picking pepperoni from your slices. 

It’s only hours after Yunijn’s gone home, that her words circle back to you, the statement and all of its weight perching on your chest with all the debilitation and persistence of a sleep paralysis demon.

“I think I’m getting sick,” you say as soon as she opens her door. “It’s been coming on for a while now, at least a week, maybe more.” 

Unimpressed and exhausted, Yunjin looks down at you through half-closed eyes. “Do you..” She pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing. “Do you have any idea what time it is right now?” 

“Yes. It’s three a.m.” 

“Exactly. See a doctor if you’re sick, I’m going back to sleep.”

“This is an emergen—” Yunjin cuts you off by pinching your lips together. “It’s three in the morning,” she reminds you. “You can’t yell like that in my hallway, come in.” 

You nod, crossing the threshold and taking off your shoes next to hers. “Sorry,” you whisper when the door is closed. 

Using her hand, Yunjin lifts your chin, squinting as her eyes adjust to the light when she flips the switch to inspect your face. “You don’t look or sound sick,” she mutters, flicking the light back off and going to her room. “What are your symptoms? And why did you come here?” 

You don’t have an answer for her last question so you ignore it, following her and tripping over a pair of her shoes in the process. “My cheeks start burning like crazy and my heart races, sometimes it gets hard to breathe.”

“You seem fine to me.” 

A shoulder-slumping sigh slips from your lips. “That’s the thing. I’ll be fine and then Sunghoon shows up with his pretty smile and perfect hair and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.” You know how it sounds, choosing your wording meticulously to let Yunjin be the one to say the words out loud instead of you—it’ll be easier to confront that way. 

From the doorway, you watch as she arches a brow, her interest piqued. “Oh?” 

“I know.” You nod, head bobbing rapidly in furious agreement. “It’s only a matter of time before I cough up a lung and die in his bedroom.”

At your words, Yunjin doesn't reply, only lifting her duvet and getting cosy underneath. You feel like you’re glued to the spot, waiting for her to say something, anything, but nothing comes. All she does is pat the empty spot in her bed. 

“What are you smirking for?” you ask, entering the room properly and closing the door. 

Her response only comes after you’ve taken your jacket and hoodie off, sitting next to her under the covers. “It’s nothing,” she says, laughing. 

“Tell me.” 

Yunjin sighs, resting a hand gently on your shoulder. You think it’s meant to be comforting but it’s the opposite. “You’ll be fine, I promise. Lovesickness isn’t deadly.” 

Feeling the weight of her reassurance, you settle down properly and sigh when your head hits the pillow. Lovesickness. Hmm. 

Closing your eyes, you try to sleep but can’t help tossing and turning as Yunjin snores behind you. You pat blindly around the end table for your phone, grabbing it and wincing at the brightness of your screen. Chewing on your lip, you open Google, looking up ‘lovesickness’ and frowning immediately at the results. Endless negativity fills the screen, terrifying words like ‘unrequited love’ forming a pit in your stomach. There’s nothing negative about what you feel for Sunghoon, nothing unrequited—you think. 

It was obvious during the trip, painfully so. In the way he’d tuck your hair behind your ear when his parents weren’t there to see, or how he slipped up and called you ‘baby’ in the bathroom, blushing when you said it back. You can’t fake something like that.. Can you?

Yeonjun did.

Shaking your head, you open Instagram to distract yourself. Jake’s story comes up first; he’s at a party where Jay is losing a game of beer pong, and at the other end of the table is Sunghoon grinning with a bright red lipstick kiss on his cheek. You lock your phone, using your hands to press on your belly to stop the stirring. 

Oh, you think. Lovesickness. 

When you wake up, the first thing you do is check Jake’s story again. The video is still there and that terrible stir in your stomach churns on, burrowing deeply into a pit of canyon-like proportion—so vast there’s a safety railing lining its edges. 

You eat breakfast in silence with Yunjin, zoning out mid-chew to figure out the origin of these feelings and how to handle them. Suddenly, the moment hits you clear as day, vivid like you’re watching it on a screen—it was your third night at his parents’ house, after your walk. 

You felt bad about how you acted, and what you said, so went straight up to your room. With nothing but the bedside lamp turned on, it was dimly lit, shadows cast on the walls as you sulked, replaying everything in your head. Guilt wrapped its long arms around your body, making you feel sick as you thought about it all. About the hurt etched over his face with every word you said, and the frown that stuck around for the rest of the walk as his hand clung limply to yours. 

There was a knock at the door, so gentle you almost missed it, and Sunghoon was standing there when you pulled it open, chewing on his lip with a mug in his hand. Steam skated over the opening, a rich chocolatey smell hitting your nose but the real kicker was the mug itself. In its place on Jake and Sunghoon’s mug tree, it was unassuming, a regular white mug, but upon meeting hot water, the face of young Sunghoon appeared, grinning with his tiny glasses on. It was a gift from one of his old coaches and though he never used it, it was your absolute favourite cup in the world. 

You felt soft around the edges when you looked up at him, his eyes wide and unsure as you met his gaze—he brought that mug three hours across the country so you could use it again. The thought shifted your heart into a comfortable position, settling in your chest with overwhelming warmth and an increased rate. 

“Hi,” you said, clearing your throat. 

“Hi,” he repeated, holding the mug out for you to take. “It’s still hot so be careful.” 

Nodding, you covered your hands with your sleeves, taking the cup from him and asking if he wanted to come in. Sunghoon nodded, shutting the door behind him and standing by the bed, watching you set the hot chocolate on the bedside table as you sat down. The two of you stayed like that for a while, with him only moving when you patted the spot next to you on the duvet. Your train of thought escaped you as soon as he sat down, the warmth of his familiar fresh, citrusy scent taking over and becoming the only thing you could register. The smell of summers with him, long days at the beach and short nights spent on the couch at random parties, cuddled into his side with his arm over your shoulders. The smell you’d come to associate with comfort and home—with Sunghoon. 

“It’s not fair for me to treat you like shit just because I’m annoyed, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that earlier. I’m sorry.” 

A crease ran over Sunghoon’s thick brows as they tugged together, he shook his head. “You don’t have to apologise. I roped you into this whole thing and didn’t even try to think about how you would feel. I’m sorry.” His eyes carried a mix of regret and sincerity, mirroring the weight of his words.

“Anyway, I only came to bring you that,” he said, pointing at the cup. “And to check up on you, I’ll get out of your hair for tonight.” Sunghoon wiped his palms on his pants before standing up, reaching behind him to pick up the cloth he brought. For a moment, he stood there, staring down at it in his hand while you thought about telling him to stay, telling him that you wanted him in your hair—whatever that meant. But he spoke before you had the chance. “You left this, at mine, after.. well, you know. I’m sure you left it intentionally, I mean it was folded up perfectly on the end of my bed, so I know you did, but it didn’t feel right keeping it, you always wore it more than me.” 

Sunghoon extended his hand, holding it out to you and you knew exactly what it was as soon as the fabric touched your skin after so long. It was the shirt Jay bought him for Christmas in first year—they were roommates still trying to get a feel for each other. For a few weeks, Sunghoon had been pestering you about what he should get for Jay, saying it didn’t feel right not to get him anything, and you suggested a targeted t-shirt, one you’d been laughing at all day after seeing an ad for it on your timeline. Sunghoon was sceptical, but bought the red shirt anyway, hoping Jay would find BEING DAD IS AN HONOUR, BEING PAPA IS PRICELESS funny. He did. And Jay bought Sunghoon a targeted shirt too, your favourite. It was black and two sizes too big, with I NEVER DREAMED I’D BE A SEXY FIGURE SKATER BUT HERE I AM KILLING IT written over the chest. 

“Goodnight, YN,” Sunghoon said, crossing the room to leave but hesitating before closing the door. He poked his head through the opening and sighed. “I really am sorry.”

That night, you fell asleep in the shirt, the thinning, yet cosy, fabric wrapped around you like a hug as your heart started to beat a new rhythm, one that eerily echoed the five-foot-eleven figure skater who you let break it. 

This morning, Yunjin claps her hands in your face, seeming irritated when you look over at her. “You have class in an hour, what are you doing?” Before you have the chance to speak, realisation covers her face. “Oh, the feelings.” 

You nod solemnly, too caught up in the butterflies raiding your stomach to come up with something to say. 

At lightspeed, you scarf down the rest of your food, apologising for showing up so late as you head out the door. When you get home, you take the fastest shower of your life and feel grateful Chaewon isn’t around to tease you about the smile you can’t wipe from your face thinking about Sunghoon—you’ll text her later.

You run to campus, feeling the brisk autumn wind beating against your face while the rest of your body overheats under your jacket, hoodie and long sleeve. Despite the discomfort and ache in your lungs, you don’t stop until you reach the door of your lecture hall, huffing and puffing into the faces of classmates who don’t take any notice. Of course, in a stroke of pure luck, your lecturer is late, and you realise bitterly, that all of your huffing and puffing was in vain—you would have gotten to class with time to spare even if you walked.

It’s not a total waste though; you use the time to update Chaewon. 

you: i have news wonie..  i like sunghoon

wonie: …………….. fork in the kitchen yn what’s the news? 

wonie: OHHHH news to YOU.. can i call? 

She calls you immediately. You answer without thinking because your lecturer still hasn’t arrived, and there’s no one sitting close enough to hear or notice you taking a call. 

“Are you going to tell him?!” Chaewon’s voice is so loud you wince, pulling the phone away from your ear. 

“I don’t know.” You shrug even though she can’t see you, still holding the device at a distance just in case. “I don’t have any confirmation that he still.. likes me. It’s been a while, and I was pretty mean that day. 

Chaewon groans and you can picture her throwing herself onto her bed, exasperated. The rustling that comes through the receiver only frames the image, hanging it up. “Did you have to tell him to get a grip?” 

“You know..” You trail off, chewing on your bottom lip. “In hindsight, probably not.” 

A beat passes, she’s thinking. “Don’t worry,” she says. “I’ll help you.” 

“I.. have never been so worried in my life.” You sigh, picking at your freshly painted nails. “But I know you’ll do something no matter what I say, so do what you want, Wonie, but please be subtle about it.” 

Chaewon squeals down the phone. “I love youuuuu!” And it’s the last thing she says before kissing the mic a few times and hanging up. 

Slumping in your seat, you don’t have any time to stress about Chaewon’s plans because your lecturer walks in, with a travel cup in her hand and a paperback tucked under her arm. 

She apologises for being late, running a hand through her hair as she announces that you’ll be watching a film, an adaptation of a book you read at the start of term—Ian McEwan’s Atonement. You spend the first hour of the movie falling in and out of sleep until a text comes through from Sunghoon, and sheer excitement keeps you up.

hoonie: Wanna study together after class? 

you: of course!!!!!! 

hoonie: 🤍

The rest of the movie goes by in a drag, and you come away from it with a mild irritation towards Saoirse Ronan.

you: class just finished, heading to lib rn 

hoonie: Shit, still in the locker room, sorry !!! Omw, can you get a table? 

you: i’ll try..

It takes a while but you find an empty booth on the second floor, and set your bag on the plush green seat to take pictures of your surroundings to send to Sunghoon. You sit on the side facing the stairs so he can see you when he arrives. The thought of seeing him makes your heart race and you try out a few natural-seeming poses for when he’s here, cycling between resting your palm under your chin and sitting with your arms crossed a few times until the top of his head comes into view. 

Seeing him knocks the wind out of you as he approaches the staircase, taking them two at a time with his damp hair clinging to his forehead and neck. It doesn’t help that he’s wearing a tight black vest, and his sweats are hanging low on his hips. A breath you didn’t realise you were holding slips out when he lifts his head, spotting you immediately as a grin spreads over his lips and he raises his arm to wave, the veins in his forearm peeking out to say hi too. You can’t tell if it’s his lack of winter wardrobe or your newfound appreciation for him that’s making his biceps look so huge but it’s hard to look away, even when he reaches the table. 

“Are you hot?” you blurt out. 

Sunghoon laughs, raising a brow and something about the way he’s looking down at you makes your cheeks burn. “Depends who’s asking.” He takes his backpack off, leaving it on the table as he sits down, dumping his jacket and hoodie in a pile beside him.

“I’m asking,” you mumble. 

“Then, yeah, I’d hope so.” 

Is he flirting? It sounds like he’s flirting. Flirt back! “Nice arms.” 

He looks down at his biceps for a beat before looking at you warily. “Are you flirting with me?” He can’t fight the smile twitching at the corners of his lips but he tries his best, pressing them into a straight line.

“A little. They are nice though,” you admit.

Sunghoon grins. “Thanks, I’ve had them for a while now.”

You can’t come up with anything to say, too distracted by the way his smile reaches his eyes, lighting up his whole face and forcing a flustered heat to spread over your cheeks and neck. It’s only when you look away from him that you remember what you’re here for. It’s a study date, not a study date—there’s a difference. 

You hand Sunghoon the material you’d printed for him over the weekend, excerpts from texts you’d studied in class, so he can practise close reading and proper citation. As he makes his way through them, you can’t help stealing glances, smiling at the way his tongue sticks out a little while he focuses, or how he twirls his pen in his fingers while he’s thinking. You aren’t making the best use of your time together, copying out the slides from class yesterday, but you can’t help noticing the way he watches you when he thinks you can’t see. The small smile on his face while he does so only flusters you, an odd weakness settling in your knees as your cheeks heat up. 

After a while, Sunghoon sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Could you stop watching me?”

“If you noticed me watching, that means you’re watching me.” 

He shrugs, chewing on his lip. “Well, yeah. I’m always watching you,” he says like it’s a given. “But you don’t normally watch back, it’s distracting.” 

“You’re distracting.”

A playful smile curves his lips as he arches a brow, smugness painting his face. “Am I?” 

Too scared to verbalise your response, you nod slowly, hoping you don’t look as wound up as you feel. 

Sunghoon’s eyes flick over your face, flashing with something you don’t recognise. At least not from him. He sits back in his seat, assessing you and eventually shaking his head. 

“You know,” he says, eyes glowing with something you do recognise: cockiness. “If my sexy arms are getting to you that much, I can always put my hoodie back on. Wouldn’t want my little tutor getting distracted, would I?” 

Oh. 

Your stomach turns with want, mind reeling from his tone and the way his gaze lands on your lips. Sighing, you roll your eyes and try to seem unaffected. “Sunghoon, I never said your arms were sexy.” 

His phone starts to go off, buzzing against the table and he turns it over immediately, screen down on the surface as he shifts his focus back to his work. He chews on his lip while he does, eyes flicking back and forth between his phone and the words on the page. Curious, you lean over the table, elbows propped up as you rest your chin in your hands. He doesn’t spare you or his phone, which vibrates another four times, a glance.

“Are you going to get that?” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “It’s nothing.” 

You hum, letting just enough curiosity seep into the sound that he’ll elaborate without being asked to. It doesn’t take long for him to deliver.

“It’s just Chaewon,” he says, running his hand through his hair and lifting his head. Sunghoon smiles. “We’ve been texting a lot these days.” 

“Cool.” You nod a few times, aiming for nonchalance but hitting bobblehead as you wait for him to continue. He doesn’t, only humming in response, nodding too. 

After a beat, he picks up his phone, angling it just high enough that you can’t see the screen. He reads the messages, an exhaled laugh coming from his nose as the tips of his ears redden—Fuck. This is worse than you thought. 

Chaewon’s commitment to girl code runs deep—she’s been rebuffing Jake since first year when she overheard a girl she’d never seen before telling her friends she thought he was cute. So you know without having to read the texts that nothing she’s saying is even remotely flirty, you can smell the auto-caps and use of the word ‘buddy’ from across the table. 

What you hadn’t counted on, however, was the potential for Sunghoon’s feelings to shift. If they really have been texting more, can you rule out the possibility that he might like.. her? Chaewon is a catch, beyond a catch, and you’d already turned Sunghoon down. Brutally. Of course, he’d move on, he has moved on. 

The rest of the study session is spent manifesting, writing Park Sunghoon over and over in the back of your notebook. You fill three pages while brainstorming ways to snatch a lock of his hair until he suggests that the two of you call it a day. He walks you home, telling you about how Jake’s been bribing him with food to get a ride to the LEGO store across town for the new Marvel set. 

“With or without the meals, I would’ve taken him, but his ramen is my favourite, so..” Sunghoon says, climbing the last step of your building and holding the door open for you. “He even brought a slice of tiramisu to the rink for me after practice.” 

“You’re terrible,” you say, frowning up at him as you search for your keys. “Do you want to come in?” 

Sunghoon chuckles, shaking his head. “I have a meeting with one of my lecturers soon, I’d have to leave in—” He pauses, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket to check the time. “—eight minutes.” 

“I’m cool with that if you are,” you mumble, suddenly shy. 

A bright smile spreads over his lips and he nods, following you in. 

Chilled by the harsh wind, the only thing on your mind is a hot drink as you lead Sunghoon to the kitchen. He shakes his head when you offer him one, sitting on the countertop and exhaling into his palms before rubbing them together. You can’t help but frown at the sight, feeling guilty that you can’t change the weather to suit him. At your thought process, your brows raise. Wow, you think. Is this who you are? 

You busy yourself with the selection of hot drinks you and Chaewon have accumulated, eyeing each container from top to bottom. A purple tub of Cadbury’s hot chocolate that you’re sure is on the brink of expiration, coffee—sachets of the instant stuff you’ve grown to like since leaving home, Earl grey from one of many brands, or the fancy silk tea bags Chaewon’s mum brought home from a trip���rooibos or plum-apple-cinnamon. 

Craving something sweet, you settle for hot chocolate, pulling the heavy container from the cupboard next to Sunghoon’s head and setting it beside your cup. He’s on his phone, scrolling too fast to take in anything he’s seeing and he shakes his head when you ask if he wants something to drink. 

On the dish rack, Chaewon’s mug catches your eye, so you pick it up to dry it off and put it down next to yours. “I’m going to check if Wonie wants any,” you say, wiping imaginary crumbs from the counter onto the floor. 

Sunghoon only clears his throat, shaking his head. “She’s not home, one of her acrylics popped off so she’s at the shop waiting for a cancellation.” 

The information itself isn’t jarring but hearing it from Sunghoon is. You put on what you hope is a neutral smile and nod, taking milk from the fridge and assembling your drink on autopilot while thinking of ways to redirect the conversation. 

“If you knew you’d have to go back to campus so soon, why’d you walk me home?” you ask, watching your cup spin in the microwave. “I could’ve walked on my own.” 

Sunghoon is already looking at you when you turn your head, his cheeks puffed out with air as he blinks slowly. Because I love you, is what you hope he’ll say. You think you need him to say it. 

“Because you don’t have to do anything on your own when you have me,” he says instead, and it’s infinitely better. 

The words seep through your every fibre, his intonation and lucid affection making a home for themselves in your heart, spreading warmth from head to toe. Your smile becomes a radiant grin, only brightening when he shakes his head, smiling down at his feet. 

Sunghoon hugs you in the kitchen when it’s time for him to leave, his arms holding you tight to his chest as he rocks you back and forth. You inhale his scent, all warm citrus under freshly washed cotton and something exclusive to him.

Wiping the smile from your face feels impossible. You don’t let go when he does, and a sweet laugh — a giggle, you think — tumbles out of him as he mumbles that he really has to go. Still, you cling onto him, taking clumsy steps backwards, with your arms locked around his waist, to your front door, smiling as you watch him put his shoes on. 

“You don’t have to walk me downstairs, honestly,” he says, looking down at you in the doorway.

“I want to.” 

His lips quirk up at the corners, a full smile breaking through and causing your stomach to flutter with so much force you’re sure it’s visible through your shirt. His eyes fall to your lips, lingering, before he clears his throat, looking away. 

“I’ll text you when I get to the door, promise.” 

You lock your pinky with his. “Send a selfie, just so I know it’s you and not someone else using your phone.” 

Sunghoon’s head falls back in a laugh. “Should I just call you? That way you can make sure I get back to uni in one piece.” 

You nod.

“That wasn’t anything with Chaewon earlier, I just needed advice on some girl stuff..” He trails off, searching your eyes. It’s obvious that he’s telling the truth, that he wants you to believe him. You do. “I wasn’t sure if that was something I could talk about with you.” 

Girl stuff. Hmm. You try not to read too much into it and look at the bigger picture instead—your best friend is going through something and doesn’t feel like he can come to you about it.. You squeeze his pinky reassuringly, a flutter in your stomach when he smiles. 

“You can talk to me about anything,” you say, meaning it. 

Sunghoon presses his lips together, humming and unlinking your fingers. “Next time,” he says after a beat, waving at you. 

You shut the door, locking it while watching through the peephole, he leaves as soon as the lock clicks shut. In the kitchen, your hot chocolate is cooling down, and your phone rings in your back pocket. Sunghoon’s calling. 

Hanging out with Sunghoon. Making sure he sticks to the time-blocked schedule you made for him. Quizzing him on biology terms until he gets restless. If the last two weeks were an episode of Family Feud, those would be the top three answers to the question: Name something YN is doing right now.

Thankfully tonight, it’s the first one. 

You’ve been sitting on the couch for so long, Jake has both left for football practice and arrived from football practice. Conversation ebbs and flows—an hour or so of nonstop talking, followed by another hour or so of comfortable near silence. 

It’s during a quiet hour that Sunghoon sits up straight, clearing his throat before saying, “Let me ask you something. He retreats to the other side of the couch, turning to face you with his whole body. “I don’t want things to be weird after I ask, so no matter what your answer is, I won’t bring it up or ask again.”

Arching a curious brow, you nod. “You can ask me anything,” you say, meaning it.

Sunghoon’s face is impressively blank—minus the motion of sharp teeth worrying plush lip, there’s absolutely nothing behind his eyes that seem to stare right through you. 

Eventually, he asks, “Can I kiss you?” He says more. Big, scary words like for closure and moving on, but they don’t register. They don’t matter. 

Your heart pounds at the base of your throat as you find interest in your hands that sit in your lap. Even without looking at him, you can’t get over the slight crease he had in his brow and the slight tremor in his hands. 

“For closure,” you repeat, though your voice doesn’t sound like it’s coming from you, muffled under the thump of your heart. 

Sunghoon nods. “For closure.” 

A humourless laugh sneaks past your throat as you look at him. You shouldn’t have. In the lamplight, Sunghoon is golden and glorious. Warm light casts one side of his face, diffusing gently over the steep slope of his nose, highlighting his moles and the look in his eyes, gentle and curious all at once. Unwillingly, your gaze falls to his lips, parted, tempting. 

One firm nod of your head brings Sunghoon’s hand to your face, his palm cupping your cheek with soft skin as his thumb traces your cheekbone. You grow anxious under his stare, under the drag of his eyes over your features, taking them one at a time like he’s committing them to memory.

Leaning in, your eyes flutter shut as your lips meet his and he freezes, mouth completely still on yours. Delicately, your tongue traces the seam of his lips, soft and plump, until they part for you, moving with yours. Sunghoon’s kiss is unpolished when it reaches you. It’s hesitant but tender, clumsy but sweet, he’s trying and he’s perfect; your favourite. 

The kiss is.. it’s everything. It’s the racing of your heart, the thudding, the vibrant buzz you can hear, feel humming against your ears. It’s a rush of blood to the head, a lightness all over that pulls you out of your body. It’s Sunghoon’s soft lips curving into a smile against yours, his gentle hold on your face never letting up as he holds you as close as he can manage, and it’s every bit as lovely as the rest of him.

Palpable is the heartbeat of your friendship, beating to a lull under the surface of the kiss, fizzling out into nothing, a steady silence, flatlining to give way to something more, something bigger. 

Every brush of your lips against his is a revelation, a confession. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, you tell him with your kiss. You’re everything I need. His free hand finds yours, locking your fingers and squeezing, the action timed well enough to make you think he hears you, to make you think he’s saying, we’ll be okay, I still love you. 

With that, he pulls away, a delicate tension piercing the air. Blown eyes and laboured breathing—he’s beautiful, fuzzy around the edges with warm orange and all of the love in your heart. Breathless, you chew on your lip, cognisant of Sunghoon’s hand in yours and the sparkle in his eyes as he looks at you. 

Belatedly, you squeeze his hand back, smiling. “Was it everything you ever dreamed of?” you whisper, part teasing, all curious.

Abruptly, Sunghoon stands up, letting go of you in the process. “I have to go.” 

You want to stop him, you think you’re supposed to. To grab him by the arm and kiss him again, to yell in his face that you love him until he understands. But you don’t. Instead, you stay seated, staring at Sunghoon’s back and following him with your eyes out of the room and down the hall until he’s out of sight. 

It’s your first time being so upset after a kiss, and you can’t tell if it’s his leaving or the mention of him moving on that’s tripping you up so much. That’s causing melancholy to crawl from the shadows, sinking its jagged nails into your skin to pull you under. 

You love him. He’s gone. 

Eyes stuck on the doorway, time stretches over the room around you, thick and malleable, wet and cloying—clay stuck under your nails for days as the fire in the kiln rages on. 

Sighing, you get up and wait at his door. You ball your hand into a limp fist, knocking weakly. Sunghoon doesn’t reply. You try again, harder. Still nothing. 

Barging into the room, you find him sitting on the end of his bed with his face in his hands. 

“Don’t move on.” The words come out before you realise and Sunghoon lifts his head, squinting at you. 

“Huh?” He tilts his head, watching closely as you approach him, tipping it back enough to meet your eyes when you stand over him. 

You take a breath, holding it until your head starts to spin. “I don’t want you to love someone else, Sunghoon. Please don’t move on.” 

The stillness that follows is disconcerting, a long quiet you can feel on your skin, amplifying the blank stare on his face as he looks up at you. His eyes flash, a spark of hope behind them so bright it stings to look at.

“Do you..” He trails off, his lips moving to form the next word though stopping short.

“I do,” you whisper, nodding. “I’m sorry for taking so long.”

An exhaled laugh comes from his nose as he grins, shaking his head. “You like me?” he asks, excitement and disbelief fighting for authority over his voice, his hands holding your waist and pulling you down into his lap.

“I love you,” you admit, settling on his thighs. 

“You do?” His eyes are wide and gleaming, searching every feature on your face before settling on your own.

You nod. “So much.” 

Sunghoon’s chin tips up, his lips pressing against yours, excited pecks that can’t turn into much more for the smiles on your faces. You rest your arms on his shoulders, hands clasping behind his head, nervous fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“So.. will you be my boyfriend? For real?” 

Tilting his head, he tries and fails to fight a smile. “I will. I’m a little bummed though.” 

“Why?” You raise a brow, and the word tips up at the end with it. 

“I wanted to be the one to ask you.” Sunghoon’s honesty warms the room, endearing you completely. 

You grin, loving the heat spreading over your cheeks. “Ask me anyway.” 

“Please can I be your boyfriend?” 

In the weeks that followed, it became immediately clear that boyfriend Sunghoon operated on a pendulum swinging between sexual ferality and terror. He’d get distracted during study sessions at home, finding more interest in biting at your neck than stream-of-consciousness prose, but closed his eyes if a sex scene came on TV. He’d buck his hips against yours while making out but flinch at the sight of condoms in the store.

He wasn’t ready to have sex and didn’t know how to tell you, so you took matters into your own hands, asking if you could wait until after his results for resubmission came in, saying you didn’t want the distraction for either of you. Sunghoon agreed, pecking your cheek and holding you tight to his chest. 

The only thing was that your lecturer hadn’t given him an exact date, so every morning, you held your phone in a vice grip waiting for Sunghoon to update you, and every morning, you got the same text: Nothing today, baby ☹️ 

This morning, you’re brushing your teeth when he texts you, in all caps: NO FUCKING WAY I GOT A 98 !!! LOOK !!!

When the picture comes through, it’s of him in the mirror and you choke on mouthwash at the sight. He’s smiling, bright and beautiful, in a black vest that he’s holding up a little to show his stomach, though his palm is in the way of his toned abs, and it cuts off right at the top of his grey sweatpants. 

Your mouth goes dry as you click on it, fixating on every little detail you can find: the thickness of his fingers against his phone, the dip in his collarbones, the breadth of his shoulders and the cinch of his waist. In a fit of desperation, you try swiping at the bottom of your screen, willing the picture to magically extend. It doesn’t. 

hoonie: Finger slipped.. You like?

you: mm.. 

you: 98??? HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT YOU!!!

hoonie: All you.. do you like the picture?

you: i love it………….

hoonie: My girl 🤍

Another picture comes in, and sure enough, through the glare of his laptop screen, you see: Course name: The Modernist Movement: Joyce, Woolf, and Hemingway. Marks Awarded: 98.0.

you: well done baby !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hoonie: Thx 😁

hoonie: Can I have my prize now ha ha .. haha 😈

you: just for that emoji, no you absolutely cannot.

Your resolve isn’t strong enough when it comes to Sunghoon, because purple devil emoji and all, you show up at his door with condoms in your bag and a bouquet of lilies behind your back. 

The door creaks open and Sunghoon greets you with a grin. “Hey, gorgeous. You proud of me?” 

You beam at him, holding out the flowers. “I’m very proud, Hoon, well done.” 

“I don’t want to ruin the moment,” he starts, taking the bouquet from your hands and sniffing the flowers with an approving smile. “But hearing you say you’re proud of me is awakening something I didn’t know existed.”

“A good something?” 

“Mm,” he hums, arms finding your waist before he pecks your lips. “A very good something.” 

Sunghoon’s words hit your lips and your core, a desperate heat flooding your stomach as he kisses you deeply, his body pressed tightly against yours while he pulls you into his apartment. He kicks the door shut with his foot, slipping his hand under your jacket to settle in your back pocket, not quite squeezing but holding your ass as gently as he can manage. 

He breaks away from you, love in his eyes as he stares down into yours, catching his breath. “I don’t think we own a vase.” 

In his kitchen, you rifle through cupboards to find something to hold the flowers, eventually finding a whiskey decanter in the cupboard under the sink, and holding it up for Sunghoon to see.

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “It’s Jay’s. It’ll work right?” 

You nod, taking it to the sink to rinse it. Sunghoon wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder watching you fill the decanter with water and flower food before grabbing the bouquet. He presses open-mouthed kisses to your neck and you struggle to stay focused as you cut down the stems on the flowers, arranging them neatly. 

“Can I take a photo?” he asks when you’re done. 

He’s smiling when you turn around to look at him, a soft curve of his lips that makes your heart race, a deep tenderness in his eyes when you meet them. You smile too. 

“They’re yours, baby, do whatever you want.” 

“A photo of you with the flowers,” he clarifies. 

Warmth settles in your chest, a grin spreading over your lips from ear to ear. You nod, taking the decanter in your hands when he lets go of you, holding the flowers up beside your face and smiling for his camera. As his phone shutter clicks away, you steal glances at his face behind it. He’s watching the screen with a smile, telling you how beautiful you are.

“I want pictures of you too,” you say, handing the flowers over. 

“I’m yours, baby, do whatever you want.” 

Sunghoon poses for your photos, smiling sweetly in some and sniffing the bouquet appreciatively with closed eyes for others. He’s glowing and he’s beautiful and your heart triples in size while taking picture after picture until your phone tells you it has ten percent. 

“Thank you, YN,” he says. “I’ve never gotten flowers before, I love them.” His arms settle around your waist, lips pressing against yours before you have the chance to respond. 

You try anyway, mumbling against his lips that you love him. In response, Sunghoon grins, but the feeling of his cock growing hard against you is distracting, a lust-coated thorn in the side of the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. With locked lips and uncertain steps, the two of you bump into corners and trip over your own feet, stumbling to his room and parting only to tear his hoodie over his head.

Breathless, you pull away, eyes trailing over him and picking up on everything, from the tremble in his hands to the lust-addled worry in his eyes. He’s nervous, you think—though it escapes you, the last word coming out like a question.

Sunghoon scoffs, his hands resting on your waist under your shirt, skin clammy against yours. “Of course, I’m nervous.” 

“You don’t have to be.”

“I just want to be good for you.” 

“Don’t worry about that, let me take care of you, Hoon.” Your palms drag up his torso — firm abs through soft cotton, defined chest over racing heart — to rest on his shoulders. “Sit,” you say when he nods. 

He gulps, taking a seat on the end of his bed under your gentle push, eyes widening when you sink to your knees between his legs and reach for his drawstring, pulling the ends to untie the knot. 

“Wait,” Sunghoon says, breathless, scrunching up his face and dropping his head. “Let me calm down, baby. At this rate, I’ll come just seeing your hand on it.” 

You giggle, resting your head on his thigh and wrapping the drawstring around your finger.

“I’m serious, YN,” he mumbles, laughing as he takes his vest off. “I need a minute.” 

Sunghoon’s eyes are pressed shut as he tries to collect himself, lips pouty and kiss-bitten, slightly parted with ragged breaths slipping out. You wait patiently for him. He’s so pretty like this, with the crease in his brow and the pretty pink flush dusting his cheeks as his chest rises and falls. You can’t help but smile, leaning into his touch when his hand rests on top of your head, his blunt nails grazing your scalp. After a while, he seems more at ease, his eyes finding yours and he smiles shyly, telling you he’s ready now and lifting his hips from the bed to let you pull his sweats and underwear down. 

Free from the constraints of fabric, his cock slaps his stomach with a wet sound as the tip meets his skin, leaving a pearlescent streak over his abs. The sight makes your mouth water and you can’t look away. “Pretty,” you whisper.

Wrapping a hand under his tip, you swipe it with your thumb, taking time to memorise the flutter of his eyelids, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple, and the soft sigh he lets out. You stroke him slowly, liking the way his breath picks up as his brows knit together before you take him in your mouth. It’s a tight fit but you do your best, spurred on by the way he tugs at your hair and stutters through a holy fuck as you take as much of him as you can. 

Sunghoon goes silent, only squirming when you use your hand to stroke him near his base. Self-conscious about his lack of vocal affirmation, you look up at him through your lashes, and the pure bliss on his face is unbearably attractive. His eyes are rolled back under furrowed brows, his mouth hanging open as he throws his head back.

“Am I doing okay?” you ask, using the moment to catch your breath.

He nods, inhaling shakily and screwing his eyes shut while his hips buck up into your fist. “I’m.. You’re doing such a good job, baby, so good.”

Satisfaction courses through you from the praise, a high that dulls the ache in your jaw. Still watching him, you massage his balls in your palm, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his tip when he whines. You tongue at his slit until he thrusts back into your mouth, tip hitting your throat, and he gasps when you gag, his arm coming up to cover his eyes. A belated apology slips from his lips, mumbled as he strokes your hair with a shaking hand and goes quiet again. When you speed up, his breath stutters, the muscles in his thighs contracting around your head as you suck and lick and drool on his cock. 

A moan of your name, and his hand holding your hand down, are the only warnings you get before Sunghoon comes, spilling his load right down your throat. Whining, his hips buck up against your face, pushing further and further until he falls back onto the mattress.

Your throat is hoarse and aches while you use the back of your hand to wipe at your lips, enjoying what’s left of his taste on your tongue. Deep red tints his neck and chest, a pretty flush gleaming under the sheen of sweat on his skin. He’s mesmerising, as he tries for air through swollen lips and looks up at you through squinted eyes. He reaches for you, cute grabby hands tugging your shirt and pulling you down so you’re lying next to him with your head on his chest. 

“You’re amazing, baby, so good for me,” Sunghoon whispers, eyes fluttering shut as you drag your nails over his torso, feeling the subtle heave of the slick, sculpted muscle over his stomach and chest. 

Pride heats your chest, satisfaction rolling over you like a wave. “Really?”

He hums in affirmation, nodding his head. 

“You were so quiet, I couldn’t really tell,” you add, hungry for more praise. 

“The walls are so thin in here, I just got used to being quiet,” Sunghoon says, frowning. Hand meeting your chin, he tips your head up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to your lips and mumbling, “I’m sorry. You were perfect, I swear.” 

It’s a sweet kiss. Until lips move harder and hands get lower, desperate as he thumbs the top of your leggings, palm unmoving but a dangerous heat blooms in your stomach anyway.

“Can I..” Sunghoon pinches you softly through the material, unsure eyes boring deep into yours. 

You nod. “You can.” 

Slipping under your waistband, his fingers skate across your skin dipping between your thighs. He grazes your slit, satisfaction clear in the groan he lets out as he feels the wetness there, pulling it over the length of your slit to cover your clit. Your breath hitches, a strangled gasp, pleasure and surprise meeting in your throat under the pressure of his thumb on your clit, the gentle sting of his finger pushing into you. 

What Sunghoon lacks in experience, he makes up for with the sheer length and thickness of his fingers. It’s almost jarring, it’s enough to force your eyes closed and bring a sigh rumbling out of you, ache and relief settling between your legs, where he curls a finger against your walls and drags slow circles over your clit. 

“Can you take these off, baby?” he asks, hand away to touch your leggings. 

You don’t waste a second, sitting up to pull them off, throwing them and your underwear across the room. Sunghoon licks his lips, tugging at the hem of your shirt. 

“And this? If you want..” 

You nod, pulling it off immediately to let it join the rest of your clothes in a heap on the floor. The way he gulps is a confidence boost, his dilated pupils taking in every inch of your body, though his gaze always pulls back to your bra—white and lacy, thin enough for your nipples to push through the fabric and Sunghoon can’t seem to get enough, though he waits until you’re lying down again to touch you. 

Sunghoon props himself up on his elbow, leaning over you. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, dragging a finger over the lace at the top of your bra, toying with the material and the little bow sitting between your breasts. His eyes flick up to meet yours. “So beautiful,” he repeats. 

Hiding your face in his chest, you mumble, “Thank you,” into his skin while trying to ignore the heat spreading over your body wherever he touches you. His hand trails from your arm to your waist, resting on your hips to slip over your ass for a beat, where he grabs and squeezes the flesh there before coming back around to slot between your legs—you lift one of them, resting it over his body, and he’s smiling sweetly when you look up at him.

Sunghoon’s movements are unchanging, though the sensation is heightened by the unbridled desire in his lidded eyes that urges white heat to lick over every inch of your skin—this time he pushes two fingers into you.

It doesn’t get better than this, you think. But it does, quickly. 

Leaning over you, his eyes flick across your face, one feature at a time as he chews on his lip. Reaching up, you push some of his hair from his face, holding it back and saying, “Relax, baby.” 

“Don’t want to hurt you.”

Moving your hand, you blink when his hair flops back over his forehead, tickling your eyelashes. His eyes are focused now, staring straight down into yours, want and worry flashing behind them. 

“You won’t, I promise,” you say, locking your pinky with his, feeling relieved when he smiles.

Sunghoon pushes in slowly, his name slipping from your lips when he exhales shakily, head falling forward. The sting, the pleasure, make it hard to breathe, molten desire taking hold of your lungs as he carves out a place for himself as far as you’ll take him, all the way to the hilt as slow as he can manage. 

A moan tears out of him, lewd and whiny as his hair tickles your collarbone, head falling into the crook of your neck. His skin is hot and damp against yours, his breath burning your shoulder as he tries to calm down. It’s difficult to register much else, tethered only by the sound of his voice when he asks, “Am I hurting you?” 

“Hoon,” you whisper. 

“Can you look at me, baby?” He lifts his head, resting a hand on your cheek. You blink your eyes open, gaze locking with his, where concern pushes through his desire. “Am I hurting you?” he asks again. “Are you okay?” 

You nod. “I’m okay, just..” You sigh. “Full. Need a minute.” 

Sunghoon kisses you, lips moving gently with yours, passing breathy whines between your mouths until you feel yourself relaxing. Pulling his plush bottom lip between yours, you suck on it, nodding. “Want you to move, baby,” you mumble. 

He scans your face, eyes meeting yours as he pulls his hips back. He’s slow, so slow with his thrusts that your belly turns with want, your fingernails sink into the taut skin of his back, and jagged sobs fall out of you with each drag of his cock along your walls. 

Everywhere his skin touches yours is set ablaze with scorching heat, goosebumps pushing past the surface as his breath fans your neck and his sharp teeth graze your skin. He bites hard enough to sting, and you wince as his tongue flicks over your bitten flesh to soothe you.

You were so worked up earlier, writhing against the sheets and coming undone in his palm, so bliss quickly pushes through the ache between your legs. “Good, Hoon, feels so good,” you manage, struggling to convey how perfect it is.

“Just want to make you feel good.” His words melt into each other, vowels soft and elongated as they curl around each other. He’s working up a steady rhythm, his tip consistently nudging you where you need it—the spot that makes the room blur around you. “That’s all I want.” 

Before long, the knot in your stomach pulls you up from the mattress, arching your back towards the ceiling. Mouth to mouth, chest to chest—it’s the closest you’ve ever felt to someone else, the closest you’ve ever been. The thought alone knocks the wind out of you, and his persistent whining does nothing to help.

Your want and adoration for Sunghoon run bone-deep, inching up your spine and creeping over your shoulders, intertwined with an all-consuming pleasure that turns the heat in your stomach molten as a shudder zips through you. Even though you can’t find the words to let him know, he lifts your hips from the bed to fuck you deeper, harder, into the mattress until shaky orgasms pull both of you under. 

You let him fall into you, fingers curling around his hair, whispering I love you into the skin of his neck as he comes, most of his weight on top of you while you catch your breath, relishing in the fullness you feel as the last waves of your high pull back. You stay like this for as long as he needs, his head coming up from the crook of your neck to smile at you before pressing his lips to yours. A sleepy haze fills the room around you, tongue swiping tongue as you giggle happily into his mouth. 

After a while, he gets up, tying the condom to throw it away and comes back with his shirt. He uses it to clean up—gentle between your legs, pressing kisses to your calves while he does. Sunghoon’s tenderness wraps around your heart, and love clouds your vision, forming a blurry trail that follows all of his movements, glowing like something from a dream, ethereal, an apparition. 

The bed dips beside you, his arms around you, pulling you in so his chin rests on your head. You push your cheek into his chest, hoping the two of you will meld into one—the thought makes you warm all over, a fuzziness that reaches every part of your body while he presses kisses into your hair, rubbing your back. 

“I love you,” he says, voice as soft as the rest of him. “I’m glad I exist.”

mama park: Hi lovely 😍 missing you lots, wondering when you’ll be home for Xmas………..love ma

Sunghoon stirs, nose scrunching as he snores softly into the quiet of a winter morning. His chest rises and falls steadily under your head and he doesn’t move when you sit up. The lamp on his desk is still on — neither of you could be bothered getting up to turn it off last night — and under its dim glow, you admire him. Perfect lips gently curved—long lashes kissing the skin under his eyes. 

Love hits you from all angles, warmth all over from head to toe despite the chill in Sunghoon’s room. You can’t help but grin, leaning up to nose along the underside of his chin, his natural scent so soft yet dizzying as you nuzzle into him. He stirs again, turning his head this way and that before resting, you feel a bit bad, deciding to leave him be and text his mum back. 

you: hi mum !!! missing you sooooooo much :((( will be home asap

mama park: BTW Sunghoon told me everything. I raised such good actors LOL make sure he looks after you and keeps you happy!

you: i’m so sorry we lied to you..

you: but i’m really happy with him and he loves me a lot

you: i love him so much .. never been so sure of anyone in my life

© zreamy (2023), all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or plagiarise my work. do let my know your thoughts !

permanent taglist: @asahicore

[rose-of-the-grave]

The Great War: Chapter 4

Pairing: Mattheo Riddle x Reader

Hey everybody! I know it's been a while but here's chapter 4!!! As always I'm the author (please don't repost)

Masterlist Series Masterlist Read on Ao3

Warnings: mentions of past friendships, chess, "princess"

Word Count: 1924

Description: Y/N gets invited to study with the Slytherins, plays chess with Ron, and discovers she and Mattheo have a class together.

Taglist: @sylveryfire, @undercover-smutlover, @relminnie

“So, for the project we need someone to do research on the origins of crystal-gazing and someone to talk about famous examples. I can do the famous examples?”

“That’s fine with me, I’ll do the origins.” There was sure to be a book or two on it in the library Y/N thought.

“Great.” Pansy said, “We’re all meeting up in one of the abandoned classrooms to study after lunch. If you’re free, we could work on the project then.”

“You sure about that?”

“It’ll be fine. We need as many girls as we can get. It’s mostly boys so the testosterone levels are off the charts.” She stook out her tongue in faux disgust. Waltzing off ahead, her robes swishing behind her.

Y/N walked over to the Great Hall like everyone else while Pansy seemed to be heading outside. The weather, she remarked, was nice. Bright blue skies with not a cloud in sight. Turning away she walked through the massive doorway, spotting her friends already seated. Dropping onto the bench next to Ron she set her bag down beside her, her stomach rumbled. She hadn’t had time for breakfast in the morning.

“Hey!” Hermione greeted her. A relieved look on her face. Glancing at her other friends’ faces she noticed how stormy they looked. As if they were engaging in a silent argument.

“Can you tell Harry that he needs to stop spying on Malfoy on that bloody map?” Ron asked suddenly, his gaze still trained on Harry whose eyes were boring into his plate, using his fork to move the food around. “He’s bloody obsessed with that thing!”

Harry looked up at him, a fiery look in his eyes. “I’m not obsessed!” He denied.

“Then what do you call staying up until all hours of the night watching his every move? If he were a Death Eater Dumbledore would know.”

Forever the mother hen, Hermione looked at him sharply. “You need your sleep Harry. Let Dumbledore handle it.”

He sighed, “I know.”

She looked at him, skeptical, but didn’t say anything else.

When they finished eating, she stood up ready to find Pansy so they could work on their project.

“Where are you going?” Hermione asked, puzzled. They usually hung out outside with Hagrid or went up to the common room after lunch.

“Group project for divination. See ya!”

“Bye!”

After leaving the Great Hall she headed to the library to get a book on crystal gazing before leaving in search of the classroom Pansy had told her about which was completely empty, save a few people. One of them turned around to look at her, his eyes piercing her soul. He looked slightly amused, a smirk on his face.

“Are you following me?” Mattheo drawled.

“What? No! Pansy invited me.”

“I doubt that, princess.”

Before she could assure him that she was indeed invited by Pansy, the girl in question flounced into the room and quickly approached them.

“Are you behaving?” Not waiting for a response she turned to Y/N. “I swear he’s like a dog, always snarling at outsiders. He won’t bite though. He’s really just a big softy.” She ruffled his hair. He playfully snapped at her hand causing her to laugh before taking a seat at the table.

When Y/N also sat down he leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I won’t bite. Unless you want me to.” She jerked away, scooting her chair a few inches to the left. Disgust causing her cheeks to flush. Laughing he got up and walked out of the room.

Shaking her head, Pansy turned to the task at hand. Taking out a piece of parchment Y/N began writing down some details from the first section of the book she had grabbed, ‘Crystallomancy: The Ancient Art of Crystal Gazing.’. It wasn’t long until she had some of the basics about its origins and the first practitioners of it.

At the table across the room a few Slytherins she didn’t recognize were huddled together, discussing something in hushed tones. None of them were from her year she realized, they were all second or third years. Confused, she asked the raven-haired girl sitting across from her, “Pansy?”

“Mhmm?” She didn’t look up from whatever she was doing.

“Where is everyone else?”

Pansy looked up, her eyes narrowed in confusion, “Everyone else?”

Trying not to seem too interested she responded, “Yeah, I mean where’s Malfoy and Nott?”

She shrugged. “Probably with Mattheo. Outside”

“Don’t they need to work on the project too?”

She smirked self-deprecatingly, “You’re talking about the two Slytherins who are top of the class constantly. Right up there with your mudblood friend.��� She spat the word out like it was a curse.

“Don’t call her that.” She retorted but there was no heat to it. She knew how purebloods viewed muggleborns, especially those who were once Death Eaters like a lot of her parents’ friends. Y/N couldn’t bring herself to hold it against her.

Pansy shrugged and continued to work. After a while it was nearing dinner time so they all left, eager for nourishment after hours of studying.

“Same time, tomorrow?” Y/N asked.

“Sure.” The Slytherin replied before making a beeline for her friends.

When she sat down Hermione turned to look at her, “Hey, where were you?”

“Studying.”

Hermione hummed, seemingly unsatisfied with her answer but let it slide, turning to face Ginny who had asked a question. Y/N leaned in as well, curious to hear what was going on between her and Dean. They had been on the outs for the past few days and yet earlier, between classes they had been spotted all cozy in the common room. Luckily Ron hadn’t seen them. It was already awkward enough having to share a dorm room with his younger sister’s boyfriend, he did not want to hear about it.

“So what’s going on with you and Dean? Have you made up yet?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah, he finally apologized for his remark, explaining that it was meant to be a joke but that he realized he took it too far.”

“That’s good, I was getting a little worried there for a second that you two were over.”

Ginny smiled, “Nope, not yet at least.”

Too bad, Y/N thought, they were getting to be kind of toxic. Not that she would say that out loud.

After dinner they all went back to the Gryffindor tower. Once in their room alone Hermione asked, “So who were you studying with?”

“Huh? Oh, um Lavender and Parvati. Why?”

The curly haired girl shrugged, turning to her stack of homework that she was still finishing up. “You go on ahead of me, I’ll come downstairs later.

“Mkay.”

Y/N changed into more casual wear before heading back down to the common room.

“Oh, look who it is! Just in time for a game of wizard’s chess!” Ron called from where he sat by the fireplace. His favorite game had become a ritual, every night they would play at least one or two matches while the other two observed. Over time Y/N had gotten better, managing to beat him a few times.

Weaving through the other Gryffindors who were also hanging out together she sat down across from him, awaiting his first move.

“Pawn to E4.”

And so the battle began, going back and forth, taking each others’ pieces until they were nearing a stalemate.

“Ready to give up?” She taunted.

Ron grinned, “Not yet.” Before smoothly moving his last piece, save the king. “Checkmate!”

“Wait, what? Oh.” In her pursuit to win she had left her own king open for the taking. Shit.

“Better luck next time!”

“Yeah, yeah. Stop gloating.” She told him, pretending to be hurt but not fully hiding her smile so he would know that she wasn’t.

“Rematch?”

Shaking her head, “Not tonight, find someone else to wipe the board with.” Y/N stood up and wandered over to the stairs. Hermione still hadn’t come down. She wasn’t too worried though because her best friend had a habit of getting sucked into her homework, completely disregarding the time.

When she did make it upstairs Hermione was lying on the bed, her notes covering the bed, some partially tucked under her.

Knowing that she wouldn’t want to go to bed without brushing her teeth, the occupational hazard of being the daughter of dentists, she gently shook her shoulder.

“Hey, wake up.”

Her brown eyes opened, blinking owlishly. After taking a second to readjust she reorganized her notes before going to brush her teeth.

The next day she made it through Alchemy before retiring back to the dorms to take a nap in preparation for the late night ahead. Why did she think that taking Astronomy was a good idea? She barely knew anyone in the class. That question kept circling in her head as she walked up to the Astronomy tower once it got dark.

The rest of her classmates were there, mingling. Some were already at their stations. Picking an empty one on the end she gazed out into the distance. The moon was especially bright, its silvery glow washing over the ground below.

“Mr. Riddle. I see you finally found your way after a month of classes. Join Ms. Y/L/N on the end.”

The Slytherin sauntered over to her station. “Well, well. Imagine seeing you here princess. Twice in two days, you must be obsessed.”

“Says the one who came here after me. If anyone is the stalker here, it would be you.” She retorted, her finger pressing into his chest punctuating her last few words.”

“Fair enough.” He admitted, grabbing her hand before she could pull it away. “And yet, you can’t keep yourself from touching me.”

Yanking her hand out from his grasp she pulled out the star chart and began that assignment.

After a few minutes she looked over to see that Riddle wasn’t doing anything.

“Why’d you even bother coming if you weren’t going to do the work?”

He shrugged, teasing her. “Maybe I came to annoy you.” Before giving her what she could only describe as puppy eyes. He had the most beautiful brown eyes that just made you want to trust him. But she couldn’t.

“I’m flattered,” She deadpanned, giving him an unimpressed look she continued working diligently, studiously ignoring his deadly gaze.

“Well, this is boring,” He said, grinning over at her, “Wanna see something fun?”

Shaking her head in despair she turned away. Before she knew it there was a crack and something heavy fell from the castle and onto the ground below.

“Mr. Riddle!” The teacher yelled, “Detention. And 200 points from Slytherin!”

One of the other Slytherins nearby groaned, probably upset that his house had just lost so many points.

When he didn’t move their teacher came over and told him to leave, she would see about his detention task in the morning.

The troublemaker shrugged nonchalantly, slowly getting to his feet. “So long princess.”

Rolling her eyes, she shot him a look of disgust before turning back to her work, definitely not watching as he walked away.

She spent the rest of class pushing out thoughts of him. He’s just a mission. He’s a Death Eater. He’s Voldemort’s son. His dad killed Harry’s dad and has repeatedly tried to kill Harry. His friends have made her life a living hell. The devil may wear a beautiful face but an ugly soul lies beneath.

Y/N hated Riddle.

Chapter 5>>

(Let me know if you want to be tagged in upcoming chapters!)

[blot-squisher]

We are officially one week away from Surviving the Game: Level 2 returning to regular updates! As a little teaser and a Christmas gift to you all, here's the opening for the upcoming chapter ψ(｀∇´)ψ

“I’m going to borrow this.”

The words kept repeating themselves over and over in Danny’s head but he couldn’t seem to fully grasp what any of that had actually meant. He was certain that it had been English, but he was still so stunned by everything he’d just witnessed, it made actually accepting it a bit difficult.

They’d been prepared and ready to go with Nemesis to Doc’s monthly injection appointment at Wesker’s ‘secret lab’ that… honestly wasn’t even a secret anymore. They all knew it existed, and now Evan, Jason, Michael, and Caleb all had the location so it wasn’t like they couldn’t find it whenever they wanted…

But there they’d been! Ready to go! Finally not taken by surprise when Nem came plodding in to grab Marcus! Everything was going perfectly! Until it wasn’t…

The Oni of all Slashers had decided he needed to talk to Doc and it couldn’t wait! Then again, Kazan had been waiting for quite a while… but still! Doc had been kidnapped again! Right out from in front of him! And all he’d done was stand there with a stupid look on his face!

After several minutes of stunned silence, Frank asked incredulously, “Did Doc just get kidnapped again?”

“And Ghostface was standing right there,” Susie added. “Like, did you even try to stop it?”

“Christ, Danny! That guy just came in here and kidnapped your entire boyfriend right in front of you!” Chucky berated. “And you just let him?! …Does he make house calls? Or like blondes?”

“Did you all notice the way Nemesis also just like… let that happen?” Joey asked, looking around at everyone else. “I swear, he actually took a step away. I can’t be the only one who saw that.”

“I mean… Did you want to try and stop him?” Julie asked, earning a trio of mumbled agreements.

Shaking his head, Danny finally managed to break himself out of his freeze. Glancing at the Legion, he quickly turned to stare up at Nemesis. “Hey! Hey, you!”

Nem looked down at him with an almost irritated sounding grunt, knuckles cracking as his hands curled into fists. To any sane person, that alone would have been a clear warning to leave him alone.

“Yeah! You!” Danny continued anyway. “Why the hell did you let Kazan take Doc?! Aren’t you on a mission to grab him and take him to Wesker?!”

Letting out a long, tired sigh, Nemesis had the audacity to roll his single eye. Making no further move to answer the question, he stomped past Ghostface. Ignoring the Legion as they scattered, he sat on the other end of the couch.

Staring at him for a moment, Danny demanded, “Excuse me?! What the fuck are you doing? No one told you to come on in and get comfortable! My boyfriend was just kidnapped by the wrong person! And I didn’t even get to go!”

“Man, having fun explaining that to Evan when he gets back,” Frank cackled, grabbing a can of soda from the fridge.

“Explain it to him?!” Danny shrieked, whipping around to glare at the brunet. “With any luck, Kazan will bring Doc back before Chuckles comes to take over as vet-sitter! Or anyone else for that matter!”

“Oooh, what if Michael finds out?” Susie asked thoughtfully. “I bet that would be hilarious.”

“Not if he thinks we had anything to do with it,” Julie interjected, and the other girl winced.

“For once, it’s not our fault,” Frank cheered. “We’ll be sure to tell him as much before abandoning you to his violent retribution.”

“It was your fault!” Danny yelled. Gesturing wildly at the door he was only three feet away from, he shouted, “One of you could have dove– diven– dived? Is- is it dived? Fuck me, I should know this. I'm a goddamn journalist when I'm not busy being a serial killer...”

“Dove,” Joey said thoughtfully. “Wait, hang on, let me think… English wasn’t my best class to be honest. Part of why I joined the swim team.”

“Diven?” Chucky repeated. “That’s not even a fuckin’ word!”

“S.T.A.R.S.” Nemesis offered, startling everyone.

“Yes, S.T.A.R.S. That’s the word I was looking for,” Ghostface thanked sarcastically. “One of them could have stars’ed in front of Doc to stop the kidnapping. Thank you, Einstein. Fuck the Entity. None of you are any help!”

“I’m not here to help,” Chucky dismissed, doing a double take when he realized the Tyrant was about to poke him in the side of the head. “What the fuck are you doin’? Get that away from me.”

“Careful, Nem, he bites,” Frank warned, before telling Danny, “Yeah, no, none of us are that suicidal. Maybe a little suicidal, but like, not in a serious, ‘let’s test Michael’s mood today’, kind of way. Especially after the snowball thing.”

“What the fuck is wrong with your generation?” the older Slasher asked, only to instantly feel himself age forty years. Oh god, he sounded like his dad.

Rubbing a hand over his face, he said forcefully, “Anyway. We have some time before Evan gets back to take over here. If by some slim chance he does show up before Doc is safely returned to me, you all will not tell him Doc’s been kidnapped! Right? Say it with me now! Nobody tells Evan!”

Getting nothing but unimpressed looks, he repeated, “Nobody. Tells. Evan. Or I’ll stab you in the kidneys! Chucky? Do you want me to stab you in your tiny little kidneys?”

“Wha- I’m not even a part of this mess!” he argued, only to nearly get knocked off the couch when Nemesis poked him in the side of the head. Slapping at his hand, the doll snapped, “Fine! Keep this fuckin’ cyclops off me, and I’ll tell him whatever you want!”

“No! Wrong answer!” Ghostface shouted petulantly. “You will not tell Evan! Nobody tells him anything! Right?”

With a lot of grumbling and groaning, he finally got five disgruntled agreements from Chucky and the Legion. Even Nemesis grunted at him, but that could have been because he’d tossed a balled up sock at his head when he tried to poke the doll again.

Clapping his hands together, Danny said as cheerfully as he could manage, “Right! So we’re all on the same page! Nobody tells Evan!”

“Nobody tells Evan, what?” a deep voice growled, and Danny froze, a thin smile on his lips as he turned to face the open closet and the Trapper. Fuck…

[12-seconds-to-live]

(Un)Lost: ‘Till the end of the line

Pairing: F12022/3!Grid! x Fem!Driver!oc

Warnings: DNF’s, angst, a little bit of love, episodes of anxiety, Seb’s retirement, harsh words.

DRIVE TO SURVIVE S.5 EP. 10

END OF THE ROAD

“So, What are your plans after Abu Dhabi?”

“I have a few things in mind, I’m officially unemployed. What are you gonna do without me?”

“Not much, for now we hired Charlotte as class clown, she’s is pretty funny. The other day she talked a lot about you”

“What did she say? Hope she didn’t reveal any secrets” Daniel showed a smile

“She looked sad, you know why?”

“Yeah. She’s the type of talent you saw on the track and your mind already click on what’s coming next, like, the next big thing. I told her that the events that happened on McLaren aren’t gonna affect our friendship”

“So, you’re good with the decision?”

“This is a sport that If they’re not happy with you, you’re out, you just have to remember the good days, enjoy the butterflies. I told her that she’s so powerfull, to surround to people who cares about her and then continue with their feet on the ground and let go the idea that you have to be the best or do the most to be worth something”

“You’re a good friend and we’re gonna miss you. What’s the next thing for you?”

“I don’t know. I guess we have to wait ‘till next season”

“Hello Charlotte”

“Hello Netflix, what’s up?”

“Good, how’s the media treating you?” I moved my head as saying no

“Like always, I haven’t been near my phone the past week, so Lando has to knock everyday at 5 am to wake me up”

“That’s a hard job” I laugh

“It’s discipline, I force him to go to the gym with me. Just to start the day with energy”

“Ready for the last race? This has been a incredible season, better that Hamilton’s”

“I don’t like to compare but yeah, the expectations has been high, for everybody, I also have a lot of responsability with me, Alex too. The team has helped us in a way that we feel in another level, even If we’re not longer be together, I’m gratefull and I hope to race aginst them next year. I mean, there was always a 50/50 situation and a lot of rumours and criticism but I just focused on what I wanted rather that follow people bad advices”

“Who gave you a bad advice?

“Daniel, he just told me to tell them F.E.A.”  

“What’s that?”

“Fuck them all”

“Inspiring” I laugh “And who gave you a good advice?”

I started thinking “Probably Carlos, he’s been helping me a lot, he just said don’t crash, pretty good advice”

“Hey, just wanted to wish you good luck”

“You too” I kissed Lando on the cheek

“I don’t like it there” I laugh and hug him

“Carlos is looking in our direction and his mom just took a photo”

He laughs “Family dinners are going to be fun with me in there”

“Funny, go get ready, love you”

“Love you too, my world champ”

“Let’s see” I looked around and the Sainz and my dad we’re smiling “Weirdos”

My get closer to my dad and hug “You’re mom is so proud of you, I know you’re going to be world champion, zero doubts, mind focus and have fun. Even if this is your job, remember those days when everybody just said that a girl, my little baby, can’t do it and now you’re proving them wrong, you always do that. We’re so proud”

“I love you dad. Mom’s still here” I said with tear on my eyes

“She is” I gasp “Carlos, let’s go. See you after the race” 

“Good luck, my favourite sister” I formed an “O”

“Ana and Blanca are gonna get so jealous, haha. See you on the podium or at the party”

“A little party sounds good” He laugh and I walked to my garage. All of the members looked happy, I took my balaclava and helmet and walked to the circuit to get in the car.

God, if this is my moment, please make it a good one.

“Radio check”

“Copy, ugh, I’m going to miss your voice”

“I already have the file of your radio in your inbox”

“You’re definitely the best race engineer in the world”

“Doing my best for you. Six minutes to formation lap”

“Copy, I remember that you’re going to McLaren with me, ups”

“Haha, nothing like a chaotic driver ‘till you decide to retire”

“Welcome to the last race of the season, here in Abu Dhabi. The story is repeating itself. Max Verstappen is going to be fighting for this year title with Charlotte Robyn-Jone, today as a Williams race driver and tomorrow she’ll be officially part of McLaren. There’s a lot going on in both garages. Red Bull has set up everything to a back to back and Williams has done the same for the girl. She’ll be the greatest, first woman to get through all the categories and win, hope that she do the same today and mark history”

Everybody is ready in their positions after the formation lap.

Five seconds to breath

Four seconds to be gratefull

Three seconds to blink

Two seconds to feel a champion

One second to be one

“And it all comes down to the last lap and no, Verstappen has braked and Charlotte has passed the Dutchman with ease and what a girl, she is three more corners away from being the first, mark history AND SHE HAS DONE IT, SHE DID IT. We have the first woman world champion in formula one. Remember her name, Charlotte Robyn-Jones is a world champion. Oh my God, I’m so happy”

“YEAAAAAAAAH, WE DID IT”

“YOU DID IT. What a race. We are so proud, Your mom is happy for you. This has been your year, champ” Everybody can hear the screaming coming from the Williams garage

“Thank you to all the members of Williams, I’m so happy. I hope we have a party tonight ‘cause everybody is invited. Call Kimi, Adam” 

“I don’t have his phone number and...”

“But I do, look for my phone. Oh my God, freacking champion. YEAAAAH”

Charlotte parked in front of  the P1, Max on P2 and Lando on P3. Due her excitement, she took off her helmet and balaclava faster than ever and run to Lando

“You did it. I’m so proud”

“So proud to deserve a kiss”

“As many as my girl want” And that kissed marked one of the most shared photos of the new crowned champion.

Little thing nobody knows. Happiness never last long.

Taglist: @evans-dejong @omgsuperstarg @bibissparkles @hoely-maria @mochimommy2002 @noope306 @eugene-emt-roe​ @80sloverry​ @rens-daylight @honeydanny​

part one

part two

part three

[kemendin]

Now that I’ve finished the Consular story, some Vanirr ramblings as I try to get a proper handle on his character….

He and Caspian were on Tython together as Padawans, though Vanirr was a couple of years older. Where Cas was stubborn and struggled with some aspects of being a Jedi, Vanirr was a natural, taking easily to the Order’s philosophies of tranquility and detachment. And it wasn’t just that it worked for him - even as a Padawan he had a deep-thinking mind, and he understood what was being taught on levels that usually took many more years of study.

Consequently, he and Cas did not get along well - not exactly rivals or adversaries, but Vanirr tends to be very preachy and ready with Jedi aphorisms, which didn’t mesh well at all with Cas’ logical mind and inability to remain calm or passive. You know that episode of DS9 with Sisko and his Vulcan rival at the academy? Take out the deliberate heckling/antagonism, and that’s Cas and Vanirr.

On the surface, Vanirr is a paragon of the Order - tempered and calm, skilfully using words to negotiate and mediate, steeped in wisdom from endless hours in the Jedi archives, always seeking to help and to learn. He is a veritable beacon of the light side. While trained as a ‘Shadow’, when he moves unseen and undetected, it’s actually because he’s melded with the light - he can either radiate or become a part of the whole, depending on the situation.

Unfortunately, this is where the expression ‘blinded by the light’ becomes painfully apt. Vanirr develops a sort of unknowing arrogance, fuelled by both the Jedi’s affirmations of his virtues and his own successes through the class story, shielding and sanctifying those corrupted by the dark side. He comes to believe that this is his calling - to purge the darkness from whatever place or person he can. And if he has to kill someone to do it - well, all things have their time, don’t they? He’s just causing that time to arrive a little sooner.

His weakness is for knowledge, for relics and holocrons. In his blind devotion to the light, he believes that even the darkest of Sith secrets can find no hold on him, if he stands true to the Jedi ways. Ultimately, this is what does him in, and causes him to fall prey to Darth Syphon, Head of Ancient Knowledge on the Dark Council. Syphon lures him with the promise of such secrets, captures him, corrupts him, and the fabled Barsen’thor falls. Cas encounters him at some point thereafter, and there’s such irony there - that this Master of the light side should be so deeply tainted, should succumb to the dark, when the Knight who faced the Emperor himself, who still feels that shadow inside him, did not fall. I’m not sure yet what the outcome of that encounter is - if Cas kills Vanirr, or tries to save him and brings him back to the Jedi to see if they can help.

Buuuut that’s a ways off in my brain. Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out Vanirr’s personal life. He’s told me that he ends up with two partners, in one sense or another - Nadia and Felix. It’s hard to define his relationship with Nadia - he’s her mentor of course, but there’s also a deeper bond that veers almost into romance, yet not quite. It’s not a sexual relationship at all, and barely even physical, aside from some fond kisses here and there. Felix, on the other hand, is a much more casual relationship, less attachment, more ‘comradery with a side of occasionally sleeping together’. I’ve actually never had a poly OC before, so this is interesting to mull over.

Anyway. That's what I've got for this lad right now!

[rosethornewrites]

Over a decade ago, I graduated with an MFA in creative writing focused in fiction. I discovered that graduate school is mentally and psychologically draining and I had a mental health crisis during it.

It wasn’t just the workload, or the fact that they gave me the 7am classes to teach for 2 years (idk who I pissed off) while having grad classes that ended at 9pm. Or the fact that despite teaching I didn’t receive tuition remission.

No, the last year was especially bad because the university lost the professor I had come to work with because they disrespected them, and the other guy I was working with suddenly got a movie deal and his books translated into like 26 languages and he didn’t need to live in that shithole city anymore.

That left the narcissist, who I thought would be a good chair because he’s also part of the lgbtq+ community and I was writing queer lit.

Alas, he was not. He was an abusive jerk who once went on a rant in class because a few students were turning in drafts not ready for feedback, and so he felt the need to tell the entire class that none of us would ever get published. Who was the only fiction writer left to chair my committee, but who outright told me he didn’t “have time” to read my thesis. Who, when I emailed him a week in advance to ask for a letter of support for a grant, also sent me a response that he didn’t “have time.” Who wouldn’t sit down with me and talk about what he expected of my thesis (even length). In my mind I called him Douchebag McWhinypants.

One time he let an undergrad take our grad-level workshop. When she made an undergraduate mistake of writing outside her culture without enough research, we as her classmates were gentle in discussing why this was problematic in her short story. Unfortunately she was writing into the professor’s culture, and so when we were done he tore this poor little undergrad a new asshole. It ended with her crying in the bathroom and never coming back. One of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen, and certainly cast a pall over the rest of the semester.

At one point I found myself standing on the 4th floor of an open-air building, thinking about jumping, and I immediately went to the counseling center for help.

I figured if he wasn’t going to support me in any way, I didn’t want him on my committee. So I got the paperwork to kick him off and took it to the CW chair after filling it out. She was shocked I already had it filled out, and became my new thesis chair.

During my graduate reading, she introduced me with a lovely letter written by the person I had moved to work with, who was then gone. Meanwhile the narcissist introduced my classmate by talking solely about himself.

As a result, I haven’t picked up my partial novel/thesis, though I want to. It really made me doubt my own fiction writing abilities. Part of why I write fanfiction is an attempt to heal.

I’ve since published a couple of original short stories and a fuckton of poetry—well over 100 poems and a chapbook.

What I learned from this experience was how NOT to treat students. It was sadly not the only experience that taught me this.

Undergraduate and graduate school can be traumatizing experiences, particularly for queer, bipoc, and neurodivergent people.

It’s been over a decade and I’m honesty still dealing with it.

Douchebag McWhinypants is of course still teaching.

[heartnaya]

Dancing with Destiny

Chapter 9

A few weeks had passed since Santana and Brittany’s first date and things were going great. Brittany loved spending time with Santana and Sophia, it was the best part of her week. As Brittany lay in bed, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to Santana and what she might be doing. She really wanted to make things official with the woman, but she didn’t know if it was too soon. Realising that she wouldn’t be able to sleep until she figured some stuff out, she picked up the phone to call Mike.

“Hey, Brittany! What’s up ?” Mike answered his phone.

“Hi, Mike. Can you get Tina? I need both of your help with something,” Brittany said.

“Sure thing, hold on a second,” Mike said.

Brittany waited patiently as Mike called Tina over. “Hey, Brittany. What’s going on?” Tina asked.

“I need your advice, about Santana.”

“Ooo, the mysterious Santana that has been keeping you occupied for the last few weeks, what’s she like?” Tina asked curiously.

“She’s great, and she has the cutest little daughter as well,” Brittany smiled, thinking about them.

Mike and Tina exchanged a knowing look. “We’re glad stuff is working out for you finally, Britt.”

“So am I. It’s just I don’t know how to ask Santana where we are in the relationship.”

“You mean like you want her to be your girlfriend,” Tina smiled.

Brittany sounded shy. “Yes, I guess that is what I want to ask her.”

“Aww, look at our little Brittany all grown up,” Mike laughed.

“She’s gonna be married with a kid before we get there,” Tina looked at Mike pointedly.

Brittany cleared her throat. “Excuse me guys! This is about me.”

“Sorry, Britt,” they laughed. “Just talk to her about it. You could try bringing it up casually to see how she reacts.”

“That’s a good idea. I don’t want to come on too strong, but I also don’t want to wait too long and miss my chance,” Brittany said.

Mike chimed in. “Yes, it’s important to be clear with her, Britt. Remember what I told you about you and Jake and communication. If you’re ready to be in a committed relationship with Santana, then you should let her know, there really is nothing better.”

Tina smiled at Mike on the other end of the line. “Aww, you two are going to make me cry,” Brittany laughed. “Also, yea Mike what the hell are you doing, get down on one knee for god’s sake.”

“I’m working on it, Britt,” Mike laughed, putting his arm around his girlfriend.

“Well, I’ll let you go. Thanks guys, you’re the best,” Brittany said before she hung up.

Brittany lay in bed gathering her thoughts, she really did want to take her relationship with Santana to the next level. She was about to turn the lights out when she got a text. It was from some of her high school friends inviting her out, they wanted to meet Santana as she was all Brittany talked about when they got drinks the other week.

Brittany first met them because she went to a prestigious private school in Manhattan when she was younger. She never really liked it there and struggled to make friends. She eventually made a group of friends; Martin, Phillip and Toby, and her parents did not approve. It’s safe to say that these friends were a bad influence on her, they skipped class to drink or do drugs and they bullied other students. Brittany wanted to get out of the friendship, but she couldn’t go back to how it was before. When she got accepted at Julliard, she figured it was her opportunity to leave all of that behind. But she ended up dropping out of Julliard and these friends were all she had left.

When everything happened, she reconnected with Mike and Tina, two people who she had known when she was growing up, however, they had lost touch when Brittany moved to New York. Mike and Tina came back into her life when everything was falling apart, and she never felt like she needed anyone else. But Martin, Phillip and Toby still stuck with her through a lot, and even though they were probably too childish for their age, she went out with them from time to time and it was okay.

Brittany replied to the message saying that she would ask Santana and get back to them. With that done she turned off her light and finally went to sleep.

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Santana invited Brittany over later that week for dinner. She hadn’t seen her in a few days and both her and Sophia missed the bubbly blonde woman. When there was a knock at the door, Sophia got up, bouncing excitedly. Santana opened the door and was immediately pulling in for a quick but passionate kiss. “Hi, honey,” Brittany said, laughing as Santana stood with her mouth open looking shocked.

She stepped further into the apartment so she could greet Sophia. “Hey, sunshine,” she said picking up Sophia and spinning her around. “How are you?”

“I good, Britty. Been waitin’ for you!” Sophia kissed Brittany on the cheek and hugged her neck.

Santana walked back into the living room and put her hand on Brittany’s shoulder. “She really has been. She talked about you all day, I think she’s forgotten about me,” Santana laughed.

“I missed you too, Soph. But we could never forget about mama, right? Because mama is the best,” she asked, bouncing the little girl in her arms.

“Love, mama,” Sophia giggled.

Santana stood on her tip toes so she could kiss Sophia three times on her cheek, she then tilted her head to kiss Brittany three times causing Brittany to also giggle. Santana loved this, her life had changed so drastically in the last few weeks, and it was truly amazing.

Later when they had finished the dinner, Sophia was playing in her room whilst Brittany and Santana washed up.

“So some of my friends from school messaged me,” Brittany casually brought up.

“The ones that you went out with the other week. What did they want?” Santana asked.

“They wanted to know if they can meet this woman who I can’t seem to stop going on about,” Brittany smiled.

“What did you say?” Santana questioned.

“I said I would have to ask you if you wanted to meet them. I know that my friends aren’t the most mature people around, but they stuck by me through a lot,” Brittany said softly.

Santana reached and put her arms around Brittany’s neck. “Well I would love to meet them,” Brittany smiled. “But my mom is out of town right now and I don’t want to leave Sophia alone with a sitter.

Brittany laughed. “You can bring Soph. Of course she is invited, she’s the only reason I put up with you.”

“Oh really, so it has nothing to do with this then?” Santana tilted her head up and caught Brittany’s lips, she slowly started trailing kisses down over Brittany’s jaw before she sucked lightly on her neck.

When she pulled back Brittany looked dazed, and Santana giggled at how adorable she was.

When Brittany came back down to earth she looked properly at Santana. “That is amazing. But seriously, honey. We are not going to go to a bar or a club or anything, just dinner at a restaurant, my treat.”

“Brittany, you don’t have to do that for us,” Santana sighed.

Brittany touched Santana’s jaw to lift her eyes to meet her. “I know, but I really want them to meet you two.”

Santana smiled and leaned in to kiss her again. “Fine, you get your way again.”

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Brittany walked into the living room to see Sophia scribbling in her colouring book. She sat down next to the little girl running her hands through her hair. “So Soph, me and your mama were thinking you might want to watch a movie,” Brittany laughed as the girl’s eyes immediately lit up.

“Nemo, Britty!” She yelled, clearly excited.

“Okay, let me put it on. Do you think you can go and get the blanket out of the hamper, sweetie?” Brittany walked over to grab the remote from next to the tv before returning to the couch.

She smiled as she saw little Sophia trying to drag the blanket over towards her. She was about to get up to help her when Santana sat down in her lap. “What are we watching then, Britt?”

“Soph wants to watch Finding Nemo,” Brittany laughed looking at Santana’s face.

“Why am I not surprised? It’s about the 15th time in three weeks,” Santana looked at Brittany. “You know I blame you for this, I have never met someone who loves Disney movies so much.”

“Come on, babe, don’t be a spoil sport,” Brittany said frowning. “You know that Nemo is a classic.”

Santana smiled wider at her new nickname and snuggled her head into Brittany’s chest.

“Mama! My Britty!” Sophia pulled on her mother’s shirt.

Santana giggled at her daughter. Brittany poked her head out to the side so she could properly see the girl. She was the spitting image of Santana when she was scowling, and it was all kinds of adorable.

“Mama! Off!” Brittany figured she should do something before there was a full-on breakdown, so she scooped up Sophia with one of her arms and brought her round to sit on Santana’s lap.

“There you go, Soph,” Brittany smiled. “This better?”

Sophia nodded grinning before also cuddling her head into Brittany’s chest.

Brittany smiled down at both of them before switching on the movie. Halfway through she got a leg cramp, and she was about to ask Santana to shift positions before she noticed that both her and Sophia were asleep.  Brittany didn’t want to wake them, but she really needed to get up, so she carefully reached around to get a firm grip, one arm under Santana’s legs and the other supporting her back, she gently lifted her up, with Sophia still sat in her lap, and placed them back on the couch. Santana immediately curled her body around her daughter and Brittany pulled out her phone to snap a quick picture.

After that she messaged her friend back to see the time and place for dinner with Santana and Sophia. She then checked the time and realised that it was eleven o’clock, no wonder Sophia was so tired. She bent down to wrap her arms around the little girl and lift her up off of Santana. She slowly carried her back into the bedroom trying not to wake her up.

After Brittany placed Sophia on the bed, she went looking around for some pyjamas for her to wear. When she went into the drawers, she saw that one side was sectioned off for Santana and the other for Sophia. She grabbed some white pyjamas with flowers on them and gently dressed Sophia. Brittany then slowly picked up the sleeping girl and put her under the covers before tucking her in and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Brittany walked back into the living room to see Santana sitting up rubbing her eyes.

“I just put Sophia down to sleep, babe, I hope that’s okay,” She said, hoping she hadn’t overstepped.

Santana opened her arms for Brittany to crawl into. “Yea that’s okay.”

She kissed the side of Brittany’s face before slowly trailing kisses down to her jaw. Brittany felt Santana turn her over as she pressed more kisses to her jaw. She pulled back looking deep into blue eyes before leaning in, their lips met in a soft, tender embrace. The sensation was delicate and slow, each of them taking the time to explore each other’s lips. With every passing moment, their desire grew, and the kiss intensified. Their lips pressed harder against each other, and their tongues entwined.

Brittany suddenly flipped them over, so Santana was lying on her back. The warmth between them became more intense, and they lost themselves in the moment, lost in each other. Santana was breathing heavily as Brittany slowly kissed her way down her jaw and started sucking gently on her neck.  They could feel the heat of each other’s body and the rhythm of each other’s breathing.

Finally, they broke apart, gasping for air. “We shouldn’t do that here,” Brittany said, still struggling to catch her breath.

“I need to tell you something,” Santana said timidly.

“What? You can tell me anything, you know that” Brittany replied.

“It’s just that it’s been a while for me,” Santana said quietly.

“Okay, that’s fine, we can take this as slow as you want,” Brittany said, leaning in to peck Santana on the lips.

Santana lay her head on Brittany’s chest as Brittany settled in the corner of the couch. “Thanks, Britt. But when I say a while, I mean a long while.”

“How long?” Brittany asked, curious.

“Since Soph was conceived.”

“So that’s like three years, right?” Brittany said casually, whilst trying to do the maths in her head.

“Yes, but there is something else,” Santana turned to face Brittany.

Brittany questioned. “Okay, what is it?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” Brittany nodded urging her to continue. “Basically, everyone in high school thought that I was kind of a slut. They thought that I slept around a lot because guys would date me and then brag afterwards about how far we got. I mean obviously I was gay and trying to hide it, so I did some stuff with guys, but nowhere near what they claimed. However, I let people believe it because it was easier than them finding out who I really was. I come from a really small town in Ohio and there was no other lesbians in my town, well at least no out lesbians. The point I’m trying to make is that I am not a virgin, obviously, I have a child, but I have never had sex with a woman before,” Santana rushed out.

Santana bit her lip nervously waiting to see Brittany’s reaction. “First of all just because you slept with some guys in high school when you were confused and figuring yourself out doesn’t make you a slut, so don’t listen to those people,” Brittany said, pulling Santana back down to lie on her chest again. “Second of all, I don’t care that you have never been with a woman before. That doesn’t make me think of you any differently. Okay, sweetheart?”

Santana tilted her head up to kiss Brittany’s jaw one more time. “Okay, babe.”

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Brittany picked them up for dinner the next Friday. When she got to the door no one answered but the door was open, so she pushed her way in.

“Santana, Soph, I’m here!”

Santana came out of the bedroom in a frenzy. “I’m looking for my earring, sorry, Britt.”

Brittany walked around the sofa to help Santana in her search. “Where was the last place you had it?”

“I don’t know,” Santana put her hand on her forehead. “Earlier in my bedroom.”

Brittany reached and pushed Santana’s hair over her shoulder. “Honey, you already have them both in.”

Santana reached up to feel her ear lobes. “Oh yea,” she laughed nervously.

“Don’t worry, babe. Everything’s going to be fine. We are just gonna have a chill evening.”

Brittany pulled her in for a kiss, mumbling against her lips. “You look beautiful by the way.”

Santana smiled at her, god she was so smitten.

“Oh, can you go check on Soph whilst I find my purse?”

“Obviously,” Brittany walked down the hallway towards Santana and Sophia’s room. She saw the little girl struggling to pull on her tights underneath her light blue dress. Brittany bent down next to her to help. “Let me do that, sweetie”

“Britty! You like my dress?”

“I love it. I think you look adorable,” she picked up the girl before sitting on the bed and pulling her onto her lap. “Do we have shoes then?”

Sophia pointed to the white ballet flats on the floor. “Mama got me new shoes.”

“These are super pretty, baby girl,” Brittany reached her hand down to the floor to grab the shoes before gently pulling them onto Sophia’s little feet.

She picked up the little girl and carried her back into the living room to see Santana quickly pulling her bag over her shoulder. “Are we ready to go then?”

“Yes, let’s go!”

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They arrived at the restaurant around thirty minutes later, Brittany had made sure that she could choose one with a kid friendly menu because she didn’t want Sophia to have to eat something she didn’t like. As she was thinking about this, she realised that she had never given her friends a heads up that Santana had a daughter, it would be okay though she thought. None of her friends had kids but they had never given the impression that they were averse to them.

When she got to the table she was greeted by Toby, probably the most mature of the friends, and his new girlfriend. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!”

“It’s new, and it’s not exactly the kind of thing that Martin and Phillip want to talk about. Anyway, what about you and your little family, when did that happen?” He said quietly so Santana couldn’t hear as she was across the table meeting Toby’s girlfriend.

“This is also kind of new. I’m just so happy right now though.”

“Good for you, Britt. You’ve been through it,” he pulled her in for a hug.

“So have you, I’m so proud of you. We both really grew up from how we were in high school,” Brittany laughed.

“I really think that Lucy is the one,” he gestured to the woman talking to Santana. “I know, I don’t think we can say the same for Phil or Marty though. You know Martin just got fired?”

“Really? For what?”

“Coming in to work late and hungover, or worse drunk. You know the usual with him.”

Brittany sighed. Her friends had all been through a lot, but Martin and Phillip really seemed to be lost causes. Toby was probably the only one she would choose to be friends with if she met them today. Santana walked over to Brittany and took her seat putting Sophia next to her. “Your friend’s girlfriend is really sweet actually, and totally in love with him,” Santana whispered.

“It’s new apparently. I’m so glad he found someone, he’s a really great guy.”

Santana smiled. She loved meeting the people that were important to Brittany, it just meant that she was becoming a bigger part of her life and Santana really liked that idea.

The waiter came over to take their drinks orders. “What do you want, babe?” Brittany looked to Santana.

“Can I get an apple juice for Soph and just any white wine for me, thanks?”

“White wine! Get something harder than that!” A voice boomed out from behind them.

Brittany turned around to see Martin walking in followed closely by Phillip. She rolled her eyes at their behaviour already. “Sorry, honey. They’re just being idiots.”

“It’s fine, Britt. I go to college remember,” she laughed it off.

“You’re still in college, how fucking dumb are you!” Martin laughed, sitting down next to Brittany.

Santana stared daggers at the man. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t swear in front of my child,” she said as calmly as she could.

Brittany put her hand on Santana’s knee, giving her an apologetic look. “Martin, shut up!”

“Hey Britt. God you are a babe,” he laughed turning to Santana. “I swear she gets hotter every time I see her, congrats for getting to bang her,” he reached up his hand to high five Santana.

Santana looked at him, disgusted. Before she could say anything a person she could only assume was Phillip interrupted. “Mate, stop talking, let’s go get a beer.”

As they both went to the bar to order a drink, Brittany looked to Santana. “I’m so sorry about him, babe.”

Santana waved her off. “It’s fine, Britt. Maybe they’ve just never met a woman before, or a kid.”

Brittany looked over at Sophia who was happily scribbling on the back of the menu, completely oblivious to the commotion. “I’ll tell him to stop swearing in front of Sophia.”

When Martin sat back down a few minutes later Brittany leaned over to him. “Can you please stop with the swearing! Santana has a two-year-old daughter,” she whispered angrily.

“You brought a kid, Britt! We were gonna go to a bar after this!” He practically yelled.

“Shut up, Marty. We said dinner!” Toby leaned over to say.

Brittany looked at him gratefully. She was too busy focused on Martin to see Phillip walk over to Santana.

“I just wanna say, you are the hottest milf I have ever seen,” Santana shrugged off his hand, disgusted.

“Back off man! Seriously!”

He held his hands up in mock defeat and walked around to the other side of the table. The waiter brought over all of their drinks breaking up the tension. Santana reached and took a big gulp of her wine before handing Sophia her apple juice and a straw to sip it out of. After that there was a long silence, Brittany was still mad at Martin, and Phillip was unsure of what was going on.

Toby was the first to speak. “So Sophia, how old are you?”

“I’m two,” she held up two little fingers.

“Your mom says you love dance?” Brittany looked at him and mouthed a thank you for including the small girl in the conversation.

“Yep, Britty teached me. She’s the best dancer!” Sophia said with conviction.

“Brittany is a really good dance teacher. Did you know that she’s been dancing since she was your age?”

Sophia looked at Brittany in awe. “Maybe I could be like Britty then?”

“If you work at it, you can do anything you want. Brittany was always dancing around in high school, she couldn’t stay still,” Toby smiled at his friend.

Santana laughed. “I can see that. She still dances everywhere now. I bet you were super cute when you were younger, babe.”

Martin was sat at the end of the table with Phillip rolling his eyes at the conversation. “Who cares about all of this, let’s do some shots. I just got fired!”

Toby looked to Brittany as though saying, sorry, I tried.

Martin called over the waitress. “We need shots,” he looked her up and down. “And we also need your number.”

The waitress turned to Brittany. “I’ll get you guys your shots.”

Brittany looked at Santana who was scooting closer to her daughter and she felt guilty. It was probably a mistake to bring them here, but she wanted her friends to see who was making her so happy. She didn’t think about the fact that two of said friends were immature assholes who wouldn’t be great around a child.

Martin and Phillip were quiet for a while after they got their shots, leaving the others to have a pleasant conversation. Santana talked enthusiastically with Toby about her degree as he did the same course in college. Brittany loved listening to Santana talk like this, she was so passionate, and it was very hot.

It was halfway through the meal when Sophia was talking more about her dance classes and the moves she had been practicing at home that Martin started to speak up again. “Okay, okay, let’s talk about something interesting. No offense little girl.” He started laughing. “Do you remember that time in high school when we got totally wasted and drove our car into a tree.”

Toby frowned. “Shut up Martin!” He looked at Brittany as though scared to see her reaction.

Santana saw the interaction and looked towards Brittany. Her head was bowed really low, and she had a regretful look on her face. “Are you okay, babe?” Santana put her hand on Brittany’s back.

“Yea, I’m fine.”

Martin leaned closer to Brittany. “I’m sorry, Britt. I didn’t think. It’s just that your friend’s kid is just really bringing down out party mood,” he actually looked apologetic for once. Brittany looked him in the eyes angrily, warning him.

Thankfully Santana was talking to Toby, and she didn’t hear the exchange. Brittany got up to go to the bathroom after the waiter had cleared the plates. Santana wanted to follow her to see if she was okay, but she couldn’t leave Sophia alone at the table.

“Who wants to go to a club after this?” Martin said, clearly drunk.

“Hell yes!” Phillip cheered.

“I think we’re going to go home, work tomorrow and everything.” Toby looked to his girlfriend in confirmation.

“We’ll probably go home as well. I’ve got to put this one to sleep.” Sophia was pretty much passed out by now with her head in her mother’s lap.

“Come on you guys. This sucks! Toby, you won’t go out because of stupid fucking work, how boring is that. And Brittany can’t come out because she’s got a boring kid now. Just stick the kid in a damn taxi and let her make her own way home!” Martin slurred.

Toby looked at him as Santana stood up. “Martin that’s enough, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Toby! You know it’s true. Brittany used to be fun, we would all go out and get hammered together back in the day. But know all she cares about is her stupid girlfriend and her dumb kid, I mean who the hell cares about dance? We should have been at a club right now picking up girls!”

Santana didn’t stay to hear the rest of his rant. She picked up her stuff and lifted up Sophia heading out of the restaurant. At that moment Brittany walked back in to see all the commotion and Santana heading out. “Santana! Wait!” She reached into her purse and threw some cash at the table, looking at Toby, who nodded signalling that he would take care of it.

She ran outside to catch Santana who was starting to head down the street. “Santana, let me take you home, please.”

“No, Brittany! We’ll get a cab.”

Brittany froze. Santana was shutting her out, what had her friends said to her. “Santana, come on. I’m sorry about tonight, but please let me take you two home so I can make sure you get back safely,” Brittany begged.

Santana eventually gave in and got in Brittany’s car. It was silent all the way back to her apartment and when they got in Santana just ignored Brittany in favour of going putting Sophia to bed.

When she came back out Brittany stood up. “Santana-“

“It’s fine, Brittany. You can go,” she pointed to the door.

“Santana no, listen to me!” Brittany pleaded.

Santana’s eyes were red. “No, Brittany, you listen to me! I can’t do this.”

“What are you saying?” Tears started to run down her cheeks.

“I’m saying that you’re in your twenties, Brittany. You should be going out to bars and clubs and picking up girls. I want you to have a life, I don’t want to trap you,” Santana said quietly as she cried.

Brittany reached out to wipe the tears from the girl’s eyes, but she stepped back pushing away Brittany’s hands. She felt a sudden pang in her heart. “I don’t feel trapped by you Santana, don’t you get that.”

“You will. Eventually you will grow to resent me, and I can’t have that. You shouldn’t have to deal with this Brittany, your friends were right. Them saying it just made me realise how different our lives are. I have a child, I have responsibilities. Hell, I can’t even afford to take you out to dinner, that’s how pathetic I am.”

“Santana, I don’t care about any of that. I love spending time with you and Sophia, that is when I’m happiest. I could never resent you, how could you think that?” Brittany felt like someone was ripping out her heart, she didn’t want to lose Santana over something stupid like this.

“Maybe I care though, Brittany. Maybe I care about what people think of us. They think I’m using you or they think that I’m trying to tie you down. Everyone at dinner thought that tonight. I don’t want this to feel like that,” Santana sat down and put her head in her hands. “I want you to have the life that you always wanted. You should spend your twenties going out and partying like a normal person, and then some day you should marry someone and decide to have a child, you shouldn’t have to just be stuck with one. I don’t want you to grow to resent me.”

Brittany kneeled down in front of Santana to try and catch her eyes. “I have a daughter, Brittany. Do you know what that means?” She looked up at her. “It means that I don’t have to just protect my own heart. I have to protect hers too.”

“I would never do anything to hurt you, Santana,” Brittany reached for her hands. “I don’t want that life. I want you… I want you to be my girlfriend.”

Santana’s eyes widened in shock. “I want you to be my girlfriend, San. I want to spend days at the park with you and Soph. I want to do normal stuff like go shopping together. I want to have food fights in the kitchen with you. I want us to watch movies together where you both fall asleep on me halfway through. I want to sit in this room with you and watch Sophia draw us, all of us together. I want it all with you. Please give me that chance. Please.” Brittany pulled Santana in for a passionate kiss and as their lips met they crackled with the electricity between them.

Santana smiled into the kiss. “I want it all with you too, Britt,” she whispered onto her lips, before kissing her again. She pulled Brittany’s bottom lip into her mouth and tangled her fingers into her hair causing Brittany to gasp in pleasure.

When they broke apart, Brittany stroked her hand down Santana’s cheeks and across her lips. “God, my girlfriend is so beautiful.”

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It was later that same night when Santana and Brittany were in bed curled up together and trading kisses back and forth that Brittany spoke up.

“I want you to know everything about me, San.”

Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany once more. “I want that too, Britt.”

“I guess, I want you to know why I was so… sad at dinner.”

Santana nodded. “Of course, baby, you can tell me anything.”

Brittany started to tear up. “ I don’t want you to look at me differently though.”

Santana pulled Brittany in closer and let her rest her head on her chest. “I would never, Britt. I’m in this for the long hall, you cannot get rid of me.”

Brittany sniffled and giggled slightly. “Okay, basically, it happened in senior year of high school…”

Brittany was sat in her classroom casually scrolling through her phone when a notification came up. It was an email from Julliard. The email from Julliard. She nervously clicked on it and read the contents.

Dear Brittany S. Pierce,

We are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted for our four-year technical dance course…

“Oh my god!” Brittany jumped up.

“Miss Pierce, please sit down!” her teacher said sternly.

“Oh my god, oh my god!” She jumped up and ran out of the classroom, ignoring the yells of her teacher.

When she got outside she ran around the school to reach the steps. The steps were usually where her friends hung out in between and sometimes during classes. The first person she spotted was Toby, he was trying to get signal on his phone to check his own college acceptances.

“Toby, I got into Julliard!”

He jumped up and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. “No way, Britt. This is huge!”

Phillip got up and patted her on the back. “Congrats, Britt. You deserve it.”

Martin was over in the corner smoking. He flicked his cigarette before stepping on it and walking over to the group. “Well done, babe. I’m so glad that all of you will be following along in your parents boring footsteps and going to college.”

“What else are we supposed to do, man?” Toby looked at Martin pointedly.

“You could come travelling with me. I’m getting the hell out of New York. You’ll have to get your own rooms though. Except you, babe” Martin turned to Brittany. “My bed is always open for you.”

Brittany scoffed at him, and Phillip laughed.

“Whatever, we need to go all out tonight then. There is no more school after today and we need to relax before you all get shipped off to college.” Martin grabbed Toby’s shoulder. “Come on man, you in?”

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“We were just so stupid you know?” Brittany said, fully sobbing. “I mean, Martin had always been an idiot, but I didn’t think that anything bad would happen.”

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Later that night the group of friends met at a park. They had to be picked up there because if any of their parents saw that Martin Powell was driving! They would have never been allowed to go. He had two DUI’s already, though his father had been able to get him out of any real charges. It paid to have a lawyer as a dad.

They each took turns taking drags from the same joint and swapping around the bottle of tequila.

“This is the life,” Martin said, squeezing Brittany’s knee.

“Aren’t we going a bit fast, Marty?” Toby said. “If we get pulled over and the police are involved again, I am fucked.”

“Relax, Toby!” Martin laughed. “Britt likes it when I go fast, don’t you babe?”

He started to move his hand further up her thigh as he accelerated the car. “Martin, back the fuck off! I am not into you like that.”

“Really? I know when a girl is turned on babe. I can see it in your eyes, you want me! I know you like it when I go fast,” he put his foot down on the gas, making the car go faster.

“Marty! Fucking pay attention to the road!” Toby yelled.

“Chill man! I’ve got it!” He turned back to yell at Toby. “I’m trying to get Britt here to admit she wants me. I know you do, babe,” he moved his hands up further, going under her shirt.

Brittany aggressively pushed his hands off at the same time a truck suddenly turned the corner.

It was as though everything happened in slow motion. Martin gripped the steering wheel trying to stop the car from spinning out of control. All Brittany could hear was the sound of the trucks horn and all she could feel was her heart thumping in her chest. She reached out to try and grab onto something but all of a sudden the car smashed into a tree, and everything went black.

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Santana had her hand over her mouth in shock. “The truck came out of nowhere, San, and Martin swears he didn’t see it coming. However, I guess it’s hard to see something coming when you are going one hundred miles an hour.”

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Brittany remembered waking up a few times in the ambulance to people calling her name and flashing lights in her eyes.

She was taken into emergency surgery and had to have an operation on her knee. One of her legs had been trapped when the car hit the tree and it caused a clean break. She also had a few broken ribs, but she didn’t care about that in the moment.

Here dance career was over before it even begun, and she spent the whole night crying out for her mom.

When her parents hadn’t shown up after 14 hours Brittany started to wonder where they were. She asked the nurses and they said they had called her parents hours ago and been told they were coming right in.

It wasn’t until later that night when two police officers showed up in her room that she realised something was really wrong.

“I want my mom. Can you please get me my mom,” she sobbed out.

“Miss Pierce, we are afraid something has happened to your family.”

She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and someone was on the floor stomping on it. All she heard through her tears was “trying to get here” and “their own car crash” and “dead instantly.”

Brittany jumped out of her bead and pushed the police officers out of her room screaming at them to leave her. She collapsed onto the floor sobbing. In one night, everything she loved had been taken away from her and it was all her fault.

Brittany didn’t speak to anybody at the funeral. They didn’t know her parents or sister. They just worked with them. They didn’t really care about her, they felt obligated to come. She didn’t want their empty condolences or pity, she just wanted her family to come back to her.

Brittany didn’t have any close family and it didn’t matter because she could look after herself, she was eighteen. She spent every day in the cold, empty apartment where she had grown up. She slept in her baby sisters bed every single night and cried into her pillow. Her sister, Ashley, had only been seven years old. She had so much of her life left to live.

Brittany couldn’t bear to look at any pictures of her family for eight months after the accident. She didn’t have many left anyway as she had torn the place apart one night after a full bottle of vodka that she had stolen from her parent’s liquor cabinet. She then sat there crying because no one was there to yell at her anymore for getting drunk and it wasn’t even her parents liquor cabinet, it was now technically hers. She spent all night on the floor crying for her family. She just wanted her mom to hold her and tell her it would be okay, she wanted her dad to uncomfortably pat her on the shoulder and then make a silly joke and she wanted her sister to tell her stories like she always did when she was sad.

But she couldn’t have that. She didn’t have anyone.

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Santana looked at the sobbing Brittany and her heart wrenched. No one should ever have to go through something like that. She pulled Brittany into her chest and rocked her as she sobbed. “I don’t have a family anymore,” she cried into Santana’s shoulder. Santana didn’t know how to comfort her, she wasn’t prepared for how awful this was going to be.

Brittany felt guilty for putting all of this onto Santana, but she couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t know how hard it would be to tell Santana about her past and once she opened the floodgates she couldn’t stop them. Santana continued to rock her and whisper over and over again. “You are not alone, you have us. We aren’t going anywhere.”

Brittany fisted Santana’s shirt willing the tears to stop. She couldn’t let Santana see her like this, she didn’t want her to think of her as a burden. Santana had enough on her plate without all of her baggage.

Brittany thought about Jake and what Mike had said about her needing to be open with Santana. Jake hadn’t been in the car accident with her and her friends. He didn’t go to the same school. Brittany shut him out after her family died no wonder he didn’t come to the funeral. Brittany willed herself to stop her tears, but her brain wouldn’t listen. She suddenly felt a small pull on her shirt.

“Britty, cry?”

Santana looked at her tiny daughter. “Brittany will be okay, Soph, don’t worry.”

“No mama! Britty cry?”

Brittany lifted her head off of Santana’s chest and reached around to grab Sophia pulling her in between them.

Sophia put her hands on Brittany’s face and looked into her bloodshot eyes. “Why cry, Britty?”

“I’m just sad, Soph,” she didn’t want to tell Sophia something she wouldn’t understand but Santana nodded her head to Brittany as though to tell her that Sophia would be fine knowing. “My whole family died in a car accident a few years ago,” she sighed.

“Your mama?” Sophia questioned and Brittany nodded. “Your daddy?” Sophia looked curious as Brittany started crying again.

Santana pulled her tiny daughter down to lay between her and Brittany before wrapping her arm around them both. Sophia looked again at her. “S’okay, Britty. Mama and me be your family.”

Brittany looked at the little girl and kissed her on the forehead before bursting into tears again.

Santana was lost for what to do. She didn’t want to upset Brittany any further so she just pulled them both in, hoping that Brittany would feel protected and safe in her embrace.

[annaisverige]

Day 117 december 12 thursday, 22:30

Do I missed two days again, I’m currently forcing myself to write these lines. Today was so great, I must tell you about this.

So this wednesday was kind of okay, as I remember it. I missed kultur, since the others had seminarie, so I only had english, history and photo. Stina was sick so I had to to photo alone, I didn’t even do anything since I didn’t have pictures to work with. The task was to edit them, but Stina never sent them to me unfortunately. Today was also okay, first we discussed the last part of Mornings in Jenin. I was grouped with Fiona, Jon and Ludwig. Ludwig was so smart, I loved his ideas, I feel so dumb compared to him sometimes. Also, to my surprise Fiona was interested about how people celebrate Christmas in Hungary, it is very unlike her to engage in any kind of conversation or do anything with me, so I felt very good about it. She’s still not my type of person, we certainly won’t be friends, but it’s nice that we managed to break the wall between us. The only one in the class who doesn’t say shit to me and ignores me on purpose is Thea R. She’s very bitchy, almost certainly on purpose. Nata says she’s jealous, which I didn’t even think about at first, but she might be right. Anyway, the best part about today was the fact that me and Nemo managed to quit the project with Fred and Alfred and we moved to Amanda’s and Philippa’s group. We were on the same level the whole time, we made so much progress, we sre almost ready. Our presentation will be about the death penalty in religions. It was so fun to resarch this, Nemo was also very engaged even though he doesn’t like any type of schoolwork. He also mentioned to me that he loved working with them. I feel the same way.

During lunch, me Iman, Rio and Hailey discussed sexuality. A couple of days ago I would not believe what I experienced today, since I always thought Rio and Hailey were so immature about this topic, since they’re both hypersecual and make rape jokes often. But it was such a mature conversation, I loved that we had it in public and felt no shame about it. I told them that it’s not common in Hungary to sleep around and that I think it’s a good thing, and to my surprise they agreed. They told me it’s crazy to sleep with someone you don’t know or trust, you don know what they’re gonna do or who you really are. I love that I found people with somehow similar values in a place where I least expected it. Iman is such a mature woman. She’s full of wisdom and she doesn’t even know t yet. Most of her values come from her religion, but she’s so wise beyond her years and has great opinions on relationships and sexuality. I love hearing her talk about islam and how she practises it. Her parents raised here extremely well, I hope I get to meet them one day.

Later today me Elsa, Nata and Tea went bowling. Before that, Nata, Elsa and me went to Kungsgrillen and had dinner. It was very good, I had falafel. I also met Islam and his friends, so that was very nice. The bowling was amazing too, I think I came third or something. Tea is another girl from the village I’ve never met before. She was absolutely amazing, so open and kind, a very cheerful person. It was so nice to be around her, I’ve never met a swede like her before, a huge surprise she is!

Today was my favourite day in a long time. I don’t wanna jinx it, but I feel like this is where it gets better, although I’m sure there will be ups and downs, but this is a great way to start!

Tomorrow we’ll have Lucia at school, I plan on going home afterwards if I won’t get to be with friends, but we’ll see

Song for today: Estraden - bra för dig

[jodilinbio]

In late August, Dotty, a couple of people from DSS, and I all piled into a van together. Dotty told me we were going to get carpet for my so-called new rooms in the new house we were supposed to move into. Being the naïve, gullible little idiot I sometimes was back then, I believed her, even though we were on the road for nearly an hour. Why couldn’t I have put two and two together and realized that we not only shouldn’t have had to travel that far for carpet, but also, why would a couple of strangers accompany us on the endeavor? Maybe I just didn’t want to accept that I was being bullshitted. No one wants to believe they’re about to be tricked into being placed in the worst place yet—and for two whole years! It was absolutely horrible. If I thought Brattleboro was bad, I hadn’t seen anything yet! Valleyhead, a residential school for girls run like a reformatory, was truly hell on earth. Nestled in the heart of the Berkshire Mountains in Lenox, Massachusetts, Valleyhead was anything but fun.

Valleyhead was situated on a series of hills with forests around them. At the very top of the twelve-acre property lived the owners, an older couple. Their sons and daughter worked there. Off to one side of their house was a small field where games like soccer and baseball were played. Down below in a large clearing was the main house, a huge mansion that used to be an inn. There were sixteen rooms upstairs, most of which had two sets of bunk beds and housed four girls.

Fortunately, I got along with my roommates, and although one girl could get a little scary at times, I never had any major problems with the other students—nothing more than you would expect from sixty teenage girls all living in the same house.

The top floor of the main house was where the special education and accounting classes were held. The Carriage House, about three hundred feet from the main house, was where the rest of the standard subjects were taught. It was a small, one-story building with only about six rooms.

Between the Carriage House and the main house was a smaller, newer two-story building. The troublemakers were downstairs, the slow kids were on the upper right side, and those doing exceptionally well were on the upper left side. I would eventually earn a spot (and a little more privacy and independence) on the upper left side once I realized that the only way to survive the place was to basically kiss ass.

Down another steep hill, just below the main house, was a pool.

At Valleyhead, you lived on a point system. There were four different levels, and the most you could get for an allowance was the amount of your level. Most people were on level two. In the end, I’d be one of the very few to make it up to level four. You weren’t allowed money from family or friends, and after you returned from a visit with your family—if you had one to go to—you were only allowed to return with one measly dollar. Even back in 1982, a buck or two wasn’t much!

“I’m not going to support your smoking habits,” the owner said one day.

“But why couldn’t our families be allowed to?” I asked.

“Because that wouldn’t be fair,” she’d say.

But life isn’t fair, and nothing’s the same for everyone in the real world. As far as I was concerned, not allowing our families to give us whatever money they wanted was just another means of power and control.

I often wished I didn’t smoke, but I did at the time, and I wasn’t nearly ready to quit. The most you could get back then with a couple of bucks was four packs of smokes for the week if you could find a buy-one-get-one-free deal.

It seemed that all I had to enjoy at Valleyhead were my stereo and guitar. I even composed a song with another student there that turned out beautifully. I still remember it to this day and have a copy of the lyrics.

I ended up closest to Denise, whom I often roomed with, along with Ethel and a Black girl named Stacy.

We were a strange bunch in the eyes of Donna, the school’s worst nightmare in the staff department (especially if she disliked you) and the only one we called by her first name.

At Valleyhead, it was lights out at 11:00 PM, and no one was to get out of bed unless it was to go to the bathroom. One night, we were pretty restless and unable to sleep, so all of us, except for Ethel, decided to do our own thing. Stacy was pacing around, mumbling about who knows what; Denise was fishing for something in the closet; and I was about to sit down on the floor and listen to music. Only, in the dark, I misjudged where my stereo was and ended up in the middle of the room.

The door suddenly flung open, and the lights came on.

We froze.

Donna glanced from Stacy to me and then to Denise. “What are you doing in the closet?!” she screamed at Denise. Then she looked at me. “And what are you doing in the middle of the floor?!” Finally, she looked at Stacy. “Come on, you bunch of weirdos! Downstairs! Now!!!”

We scurried out of the room.

“Somebody’s feet stink like shit!” Donna added on the way down.

Once downstairs, Donna had us all sit in separate rooms for a while. I guess she thought that sitting there and staring at the walls would make us bored enough to sleep.

“Weirdos!” we heard her tell another staff member. “One in the closet, one pacing the room, one in the middle of the floor…”

With the exception of that night, I had no problems sleeping at Valleyhead. That was easy to do when you were a walking pharmacy.

When I first arrived at Valleyhead, I had no problems with Donna. She seemed to like me well enough and often complimented my singing and guitar playing, even if I don’t remember myself being very good back in those young and untrained days. Jumping out of a second-story window would change all that. But even before that, not even cutting myself during a visit home changed much. This happened during the winter, so I was wearing long sleeves at the time and was able to keep it hidden. Or so I thought.

Once I returned to Valleyhead by bus after the visit, I called to assure my mother I’d made it back in one piece. Without thinking, I raised my arm at some point and ran it through my long hair. My sleeve slipped up and another student saw the cuts and asked if I had done it upstairs.

“No, I did it at home,” I told her.

“Did what at home?” Mom asked.

Although I told her it was nothing, she called back, dialing the office number instead of the student pay phone, and asked that I be checked. I don’t remember what sort of action or punishment occurred because of it, but I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant.

[muayythai]

Kicking Down Barriers in Muay Thai

Muay Thai Club UCSC (2023)

Rohan's View

Preparing for this interview based project, my group that consisted of Christian, Sammy, Omar and I, all decided to choose the Muay Thai Club here at UCSC as the student led organization that we wanted to spread awareness about and learn more of. We all decided that was a good move, and Christian, already being a member of the club made it easier for us to schedule interviews with other members. Lucky for me, my friend and roommate, Richie Nimnual, was a member of the club and he attended classes frequently. One morning, I asked him if I could record me asking him a few questions about his time at the club and he was up for it. It was around noon at this point and we had just woken up, but I grabbed my friend Lucy, who lived directly upstairs from us to record it. We stepped outside and on the stairwell of our building in Crown, where there is a spot with no roof, showing a decent view with direct sunlight. I had my questions prepared, Richie was by my side ready to answer, and Lucy stood ready to record. I told her to count me down, and it went 3..2...1,

Rohan - What’s up guys! I'm Rohan and today I'm actually here interviewing my friend and roommate who is a part of the Muay Thai Club here in Santa Cruz. So let’s begin! Please let our audience know your name, major, year, and where you are from.

Richie - Okay, Hi guys! I’m Richie. I’m from Los Angeles, I'm a first year student, and my major is computer science.

Rohan - Nice Richie! Okay care to tell us a little bit about yourself? Like what you enjoy doing in your spare time or any hobbies you have and stuff like that?

Richie - Umm lets see, I like to go to the gym in my spare time, I love listening to music, and I also like playing my video games. I like playing Fortnite, yeah that’s fine. 

Rohan - Nice! So Richie, you and I have actually known each other since middle school, we went to the same school, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about. I am are here to learn about your Muay Thai experience here at Santa Cruz. So let’s begin. How did you come up on and start doing Muay Thai here at the club?

Richie - Okay, so basically my gym buddy, his name is Erick, he’s Thai and he’s really into Muay Thai, and he was like “You should go here,  it’s fun, it’s really good cardio, and it’s good for your back and chest”. So I was like sure it can’t hurt, so that’s how I heard about it and I pretty much started going with him, and it has been cool so far.

Rohan - Cool! Do you have any past background in fighting or anything of that sort? 

Richie - No, not really at all. 

Rohan - Okay, so this is all relatively new for you? 

Richie - Yeah pretty much, I've never done anything like this before. No martial arts classes or anything. I just played soccer and volleyball in highschool. 

Rohan - Nice! Do you ever wanna compete in Muay Thai or anything like that?

Richie - I mean, right now i’m still figuring everything out. I’m just starting so I'm really a student learning the basics and stuff, but maybe if I get better, then I am open to it. It’d be fun to test my skills against others, and the thing I like about Muay Thai or fighting in general is that it is one on one, which is the ultimate level of skill and competitiveness. 

Rohan - Okay that’s fair. So on a scale of 1-10, how much has being a part of this club elevated your experience overall here at school? Do you enjoy it?

Richie - I mean this is the first ever club I joined here at school because i'm not in anything other than that, so yeah I think it’s elevated my experience here quite a bit. I am learning something new and it gives me something to do, which is a good thing because it’s making me happier and less bored. I also met some cool folks who also go to the club which is lit.

Rohan - Forsure, is this something you see yourself doing for the rest of your time here at school?

Richie - Umm, I am not too sure because I feel like I'm going to be really busy next quarter and there's always other stuff to do, but as long as my gym buddy keeps going, I probably will too. He doesn’t seem like he’ll stop, he is big into it, and he is pretty good. I also think learning self defense is important for everyone to know because the world is unpredictable and dangerous and we never know when we might need to defend ourselves.

Rohan - Okay, would you say it's like a hobby you're picking up? Or do you do it for cardio and exercise purposes only?

Richie - Right now, it’s just my go to cardio, but I think i’ll enjoy it more as I keep going. It sucks being one of the newer, less experienced people there, but with time and practice, ill hopefully improve. Rohan - Awesome good to hear that. Have you made connections being at the club? Is it a good social environment?

Richie - I think so. Everybody is kind and welcoming. Lucky for me, I went with my friend so it was a lot easier to meet other people. I thought it was a great place for social interaction, as any other sport is. 

Rohan - Yeah I agree. Do you like watching fighting? Like UFC or Boxing?

Richie - Not really, I haven’t gotten into that yet, but it sure looks entertaining, I just have to be more consistent and develop a stronger love for it. 

Rohan - That’s fair, I love UFC. Alright well I think we are done here richie, I appreciate you for doing this.

Richie - No problem bro

(Both proceed to dap up)

Christian's View

On Sunday, March 10, I decided to interview Aidan Chang, a 2nd year student who is one of the officers running the Muay Thai club here at UCSC. I sat down with him just outside of McHenry library for our interview. It was a beautiful afternoon with the sun shining through the trees. There was a nice breeze to keep us cool. Aidan was such a chill guy to talk to. Everytime I would ask him a question, he would give me such in-depth answers. He would apologize for talking so much, but I told him not to be sorry. I knew his answers were genuine and authentic. His answers came straight from his heart. Below, you will learn a little about Adidan Chang and the Muay Thai club. We hope you’ll enjoy the interview. 

So tell me a little about yourself. Was Santa Cruz your first college choice? 

No, not really. I come from Wanna Creek, California. It’s a small town. I went to a competitive school. A lot of smart people there. Many people were aiming for high UCs (Irvine, LA, Berkeley, etc). Santa Cruz was not my first choice. I looked out of state. I was trying to go pre-med but it was expensive. I just ended up going here. It is relaxing at UCSC. I can focus on Muay Thai and have peace of mind.

What do you see as a career in the future? 

I guess the obvious answer is a doctor. I want to be an ER physician. I don’t want to sit behind a desk. I want to help others. Job security-wise, it's good. It is a stable job. There are other passions of mine: Pro-fighting, mma, artist. A doctor is the only job I see right now.

If you didn’t have to worry about pay, what career would you really choose?

 I honestly do not know. I really like art, writing, and film. My brothers do that. I enjoy my writing. I like to write in my journal. Movies do sound cool. I want to create my own novel. I enjoy fiction. I enjoy martial arts and philosophy, so my books would be based on that. I want my books to be deep into life if that makes sense.

I was really intrigued by these last two answers. When I first asked him about his career, he surprised me with the fact that he wanted to do something with writing. I feel like there is a stigma at times where all martial artists want to do is either fight or practice fighting. Aidan shows the complete opposite. Martial artists can have interests and passions beyond the gym. Anyway, back to the interview.

When you got here to UCSC, how long did it take you to get into Muay Thai?

 I was introduced to it before college. I did a little bit of it before. I did wrestling before and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (for a bit). I wanted to learn another martial art and stay consistent with it. I love watching fights. I envision myself as a fighter. I want to have that strength and confidence. Coming to Santa Cruz, I knew there was a club. I went to an informal spar for the club. From there, I just started training Muay Thai.

What attracted you to the martial art? 

I first was attracted by strength and confidence. I was still trying to figure myself out in high school. Now, I wanna choose my own thing. Martial arts is an outlet for that. Discipline, calmness, controlling emotion. A lot of men need control over emotions. Emotional intelligence. People do not let anger out in a healthy way. Additionally, There is a lot of philosophy behind martial arts. Muay Thai draws a lot from Buddhism. Get rid of the past and your ego. Do not hold in anger, emotion, because it bursts out and becomes ugly. Martial arts allow you to see people from an outside perspective. You also need to love others. Men and Women need to love each other. Control is the basis of martial arts. Women can also feel empowered through martial arts.

How did you end up becoming an officer so quickly? What was that process like? 

The structure of the Muay Thai club is flexible/loose. I became an officer because all the previous officers were seniors. Running it is a big thing. We had Jorge, a professional fighter who went to Thailand. He had the most experience. Me, Milli, and TJ were the most into it. The previous officers saw that and gave it to us. All of us have traits to be leaders. I came from a wrestling team who had leaders. I saw how to organize, raise funds, and be the leader I always wanted to be. I do not see myself as a coach. I see myself as another kind of student. 

How has Muay Thai influenced your life? 

Daily life, I watch Muay Thai clips almost every day. I have a huge love for it. For me, it is not just a violent sport. There is beauty in the art. It is like a chess game. A lot of my friends come from the Muay Thai club. The sport can bring people together. Personally, I believe we have one of the most diverse clubs. We have some people who come to just box and show off. Those people get weeded out very quickly. You get a lot of people who are down to earth. They are not fake. They learn to be confident in the correct way. That’s not to say we do not have flaws. Me and the other officers are always trying to improve ourselves. We all have something to work on. We commit the same sins. It teaches us to work on our mistakes. You have to be humble and accept improvement. I feel like everything in social media is negative. We are trying to portray this image of perfection. We want people to see us in a certain way. At the end of the day, who you really are will be shown through sparring in a sense. You have to be real. That is my motto for life. I feel like everyone is trying to work on themselves. 

I relate to what Aidan is saying here. As someone who practices martial arts, I do believe anyone can practice them. It is not just a sport where you fight others for dominance. Martial arts can be a tool to bring all kinds of people together. Your race, ethnicity, height , or size does not matter. As long as you are willing to put in the effort, you will achieve success. Furthermore, Aidan continues on here at the end about social media, but I let him because what he is saying is quite true. Social media has had such a negative impact on the lives of others. Martial arts, if anything, is a positive in life.

If you were trying to convince someone to try the class, what would you say to them? 

Come try it out. To get someone to come, I could say all these things. Some people see the physical aspect as scary or harmful. I am a very idealistic person. I feel like everyone should do martial arts. There are different types of school and arts. It teaches you discipline, self control, and confidence. It is beyond punching someone in the face. People who take it leisurely, there is nothing wrong with that. As long as you are learning it the right way. You do not want to hurt others. Be humble with it. Learning the right things. Everyone is learning at their own pace. You can be casual with Muay Thai and still learn all the right things. I guess I would say, “Try it out.” I have had people come to me, men and women, and tell us that we are intimidating. Just come try it out. Be confident. Push through it. Eliminate self-doubt. We are scary but nice people. It is a choice to spar. You do not have to hurt each other. If you hurt your partner, you cannot train anymore. You love your partner. Practice isn’t evil.

Time for some rapid fire questions:

Favorite food? 

I do not know, But I would say…I am thinking a lot about this because I love food. I guess quesadillas. I would say sushi, but I love quesadillas. It is a comfort food. You can put different things in it.

Favorite song?

 I play this song in class a lot. La vida es un Carnaval. It is a happy song. Just sing and all your worries will go away. Just be happy. Life is what you make of it. If you are happy, your worries will go away. Do not stress about the little things.

Dogs or cats? 

I would say dogs. Dogs and cats are on an even playing field for me. Dogs are more social, cats are introverted. I like cats, but dogs are cool too. I want a dog right now. You feed off the energy your dog has. My dog at home is a chihuahua mix. She is a little diva.

Are hotdogs really sandwiches? 

I don’t know. In a way it could be a quesadilla. I do not know if a quesadilla is a sandwich. The loaves have to be separated. If they aren’t it isn’t a sandwich. It depends on what bread is laid on or used. 

I decided to end the conversation off with some light hearted questions. Aidan joked with me about how the last couple of questions were actually the most difficult to answer. At the end of our interview, we stayed for a little bit just to chat about life. I really got to know Aidan as a person, and I loved it. He showed me that martial artists are not special humans. At the end of the day, they are regular humans with struggles just like all of us. Hopefully, people will see this and take interest in Muay Thai and other martial arts. From what I have heard, there are only benefits to practicing martial arts.

Omar's View 

It was a crispy, cold morning by the McHenry Library. The air around you would be cold enough to where if you were to exhale deep enough you would see the cold air leaving your mouth, but at the same time the March sun was finally out again after it had rained for a couple days and you could feel the sun rays give you a warm bath of heat as you walked down the road. As I slowly approached the steps of the library I get the text from my Interviewee Kevin, a first year electrical engineering student,  that he was sitting outside the cold and empty benches right outside the cafe area, which was uncharacteristically quiet but understandably so it was a Sunday morning in which daylight savings had occurred so most of the campus I would imagine was still asleep. 

As I walked past the cafe into the leading bench areas, I saw my interviewee reading the text message I just sent him, telling him that I had just arrived. “What’s up man, Kevin, right?” I ask to see if this was the person that I was going to interview as I had never seen his face before. “Yeah, and you’re Omar?” he replies as he stands up to greet me. I will admit I was a little shocked when he stood up at first since he was noticeably taller than me. As he stood up to dap me up and greet me I noticed the very clean and stylish watch on his wrist, it looked like it would cost you a pretty penny. You could tell he cared about his appearance but not to the extent where he was going all out on every outfit, despite the fact that his outfit looked simple yet so clean. 

After greeting each other we decided to sit in the bench that was basked in sunlight since all the other benches were very cold and unwelcoming. 

“So, well just get straight into it here I won’t take up too much of your time.”

“It's alright I came here planning to study a bit anyways.”

“Alright sounds good”

“Now then, First things first, how was your morning?”

“It was alright, nothing too much, I did wake up a little late confused as to why my alarm went off so early then I remembered that it was daylight savings which made a lot of sense.”

“Ah yeah no that got me too I was confused as to why the sun was still down when I woke up as well”

“Yeah it kinda sucks that the hour was just taken away from us, I needed the rest too.”

“Yeah especially for athletes rest is crucial”

“Oh for sure.”

“We put a lot of strain into our bodies but we do it because we enjoy what we do, especially for those in the martial arts like yourself. Do you enjoy doing muay thai or why do you do it?

“Oh yeah no for sure I like muay thai a lot. It has certainly been growing on me especially in these past couple weeks, it's something that I find myself enjoying a lot. It's something that gets me out of my dorm and it's a great form of exercise that keeps me very well in shape, the conditioning especially is very exhausting and a lot of cardio involved.” “Yeah for sure, I could only imagine how exhausting it is as you use pretty much all of your body in Muay Thai right?”

“Yeah we use pretty much all of our limbs when training, it combines kickboxing with mma varieties of techniques which can make for a pretty exhausting combination of training.”

“Wow both kickboxing and MMA influenced styles huh, I can only imagine how rough the conditioning must be.”

“It can vary practice from practice really, it honestly just depends on how the coaches are feeling that, but in general the conditioning is pretty tough since the core of it is essentially just circuits so you get minimal time rest. Especially since we do actual fighting conditioning like punches to the gut blocking attacks and all that stuff. 

“Damn, that sounds pretty intense, do you guys have competitions that you train for or is it all just for fun?”“Yeah there are like these tournaments and competitions that some of the members go to, we call them PMT tournaments and they’re in San Jose and stuff. They train you with the idea that they’re preparing you for competition if you don’t decide to go, so the way that they do things is very methodical so you can have the best chance in actual matches. 

“Oh i see i see, do you plan to compete any time soon?“Maybe in the future for next year but as of now most likely not, I still want to grab my bearings here as a first year student in college, I want to make sure I know or have a good idea of what my time schedule will be, since being an engineering student and everything is very time consuming. 

“That’s true it's important especially for engineering students to have their time management down but, if you’re so busy most of the time why do you do muay thai? What are the benefits you see from doing this martial art?

“I do it because it's something I genuinely enjoy doing and it's a thing that gives me the opportunity to better myself. There are a lot of benefits doing martial arts in general like muay thai. I found myself to be more physically fit as well as an overall improvement of my mental health. I can say that Muay Thai has been one of the factors that led to the overall improvement in my confidence and how I carry myself as an individual”

“That’s always a huge plus, would you recommend the club to others?” 

“Oh yeah for sure, despite the fact that it can be relatively dangerous at times since people forget to hold back or they have poor sparring etiquette or what have you I would still recommend the club since it is a great way to meet people and an amazing form of exercise. They even hold extra classes for beginners at the beginning of the week so that they can sharpen their fundamental skills and make sure that they feel like they are welcomed into the class. It is a very friendly and approachable environment so I encourage those who have the time to come and join. We accept people of all skill levels.

“Well that’s always nice to hear.”

My interviewee and I continue on the conversation for a bit and then ramble on to about how hard it is to be engineer not solely because of the content but because of the fact that we can hardly get into any our classes since they’re so full and lack availability when they’re the ones that are usually always highest in demand. But, all in all Kevin was an amazing person to interview and he seemed to have nothing but positive comments about the club so if you’re looking for something new to get into this year or just need a form of exercise then the Muay Thai club here at UCSC just might be a great fit for you. 

Samy's View 

On Sunday March 10th I had the opportunity to interview Diego Garza, a member of UCSC Muay Thai club. He is a first year student majoring in linguistics and is affiliated with Oakes college. I walked into McHenry Library looking for a good spot to conduct the interview. A place that is usually full of people studying was now empty with a few people scattered about. I ended up choosing a table on the first floor by the elevators so it would be easy to tell him where to meet up. I waited a couple minutes for Diego to show up and once he did we introduced ourselves. Then I started asking him the questions I prepared.  

Question: How long have you been participating in Muay Thai?

Answer: Diego stated that he had no previous experience in Muay Thai but used to participate in karate before he got here. He expressed that anyone could join and it did not matter if they had previous experience or not because this is a club in which the officers and members help to teach you. They hold 2 hour practices every Monday, Wednesday and Fridays but members are always welcome to stay longer in order to practice more or spar with other members of the USCS Muay Thai Club. This schedule does tend to change a bit or so every quarter because of classes. Every 3 or 4 months they attend a competition of sorts, but these competitions are completely optional and no member is ever forced to participate in them. Although members are encouraged to participate in these competitions because it is a good way to measure your own strength and progress. These are all decisions that you take for yourself and not as a team like a lot of clubs at UCSC. 

Question: How has your experience been participating in Muay Thai at UCSC (maybe differ from previous experience)

Answer: Diego found that it was really interesting to see that the Muay Thai Club actually had a lot more structure than he initially thought they would. He used to attend a karate studio, which he had to pay for, but the Muay Thai Club is student run so he does not have to pay to attend or be a part of the club. Having said that he thought that because it was a student run organization it would not be as structured as it actually is. He thought that it would not be taken seriously and people would goof around a lot, but that is also not the case. People are able to have fun while still taking it seriously and keeping things professional. 

Question: How has the addition of Muay Thai affected your ability to balance all of your other commitments?

Answer: Diego found that Muay Thai never got in his way of completing his other commitments or workload. He actually found that participating in the Muay Thai Club at UCSC is a great way of relieving stress. He gets to channel all his negative energy and emotions into training. This in turn makes his day better because he no longer has to carry all that negativity with him. Socially, joining the Muay Thai Club has been a bonding experience for Diego. He has been working closely with the same people all year and considers many of them his closest friends. 

Diego had his headphones rested around his neck as he held his head high listening to the questions that came out of my mouth. He took the information in and was thinking of an answer while maintaining eye contact. After every question that was asked he would take a couple seconds to think of an appropriate response. His face showed just how concentrated he really was. 

Question: Have you ever been in a situation where you have had to use Muay Thai to defend yourself?

Answer: Diego had been in situations where this might happen but he always de-escalated the situation. He stated that “The point of learning any martial art is to be honest, is not to use it. Unless you have absolutely no other choice.”

Question: What is your least favorite and favorite memory or aspect of Muay Thai?

Answer: Diego expressed that he was having issues last quarter with scheduling. This has been his only issue so far. Now for his favorite part, he said that his favorite part so far has been seeing his progress. When he was sparing against people he noticed that he could now hold his own compared to in the beginning when he was really struggling. 

Question: Why do you think people should join the UCSC Muay Thai Club?

Answer: Initially people join because they think that it would be cool to know how to fight, but once they actually participate they see firsthand how difficult it is they appreciate it a lot more. A big portion of these people will not stay because they find it too difficult. The people that stay are the ones humble enough to see that it is hard but determined to learn it and want to grow. There are also a lot of benefits. Some of the major ones being that you learn discipline both mentally and physically. You are holding yourself accountable in  both of these. 

Question: Any last thoughts?

Answer: Muay Thai or “The art of 8 limbs” is a very unique martial art. In most martial arts you use mostly just your fists and legs, but in Muay Thai you are also using your elbows and knees. 

Diego Garza is just one member of the UCSC Muay Thai Club, but many others have had similar experiences. Muay Thai is a way for them to expel any negative energy they have, which improves their mental and physical health. Not to mention that spending so much time with a group of people you are bound to make at least a few lifelong friends. Maybe you should give UCSC Muay Thai Club a try!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

-Ippo was fired up. It was his rematch against Miyata! The rematch! It was everything he wanted and more.

-Miyata was also fired up. But his Father made it clear.

-“Your time in the featherweights ends with this tournament. You win , you move up or you retire. Your body can’t handle this level of strain anymore.”

-Miyata knew his father was right. But at this point, he accepted this truth. He had known for a while. But he needed this fight with Ippo. To him, this fight was more important than fighting Ricardo.

-Miyata’s eyes showed something that scared his father. The eyes of a monster. He had surpassed him completely.

-Kamogawa could see the fire back in Ippo’s eyes. The motivation was burning brighter than ever before. He smacked Ippo in the back of the head.

-“Listen brat. I’m going to tell you this once. You better not lose. I know you feel satisfied with just fighting Miyata again. But don’t you dare stagnate!”

-Ippo did something that shocked his couch.

-“I’m going to win this match.” His statement said clearly.

-Kamogawa was unsure of how to respond. But he knew this wasn’t a statement of arrogance. Ippo was determined to win.

-Takamura walked in, telling the old man not to worry.

-“Your favorite son won’t let you down.”

-Kamogawa was surprised by the statement.

-“After all, IM JUST TOO DAMN STRONG!”

-cue slapstick. Takamura had continued being Takamura and was working to get his 3rd weight class title belt.

-Ippo’s match with Miyata happened to be the undercard for Takamura’s fight with Keith Dragon.

-Ippo told Takamura that he knows he can do it. While the couch leaves to handle some last minute business.

-Takamura looks to Ippo.

-“This place is only for monsters. You want to fight Miyata and win, you need to accept it. Your training got you far. But now you are here, and you need to decide.”

-Ippo hesitated, saying he still human…

-“Do you think a human would have made it this far? This tournament you’re in is nothing but monsters. And you already beat one. That guy was originally second only to Ricardo. And you beat him. You are a monster Ippo. And if you had ANY respect for Miyata or the old man’s boxing. You would accept it!”

-Ippo looked down at the ground. Takamura yelled at him.

-“Well? Are you a monster or not?!”

-Ippo looked up. His eyes showed something that even caused Takamura to flinch. There was the answer. Ippo, was a monster.

-Ippo entered the ring. As did Miyata. Both of them were filled with determination.

-Raijin vs Fujin. The thunder god vs the Wind god.

-The fight began. And it was explosive! Ippo and Miyata were already fighting intensely. Both focused on winning. They could predict the others attacks! Ippo blocking each of Miyata’s hits. While Miyata managed to dodge and deflect.

-The crowd was watching in silence as thunder cracked and wind bellowed. It was like watching a storm. They were awestruck.

-The first round ended and no one had the advantage.

-Round 2 and 3 were similar, but both Ippo and Miyata managed to land powerful blows on the other.

-By round four, Ippo managed to land a fierce gut punch to Miyata. Resulting in a combo that sent Miyata flying into the ropes. Miyata was down.

-Ippo showed no emotion change, he knows Miyata isn’t done. He could feel it.

-Miyata got up quickly. The count barely got to 4.

-Ippo charged, ready to capitalize. But Miyata vanished! Or so he thought. Perfected counter struck Ippo. He was down.

-Ippo quickly shot up after the surprise wore off. He got up at 6

-Round four ended. Kamogawa and Miyata sr. Telling their boxers what to do next. But stopped when they saw their expressions. These two were already mentally preparing.

-Round 5 began and the two boxers charged.

-Sendo commented how crazy strong both of them looked.

-Alfredo appeared in the stands, he says that both of them are far stronger than when he fought them before.

-Sendo laughed. Telling Alfredo that those two are rivals. And that they both grow when they fight. Which is making him excited to face the winner in the finals.

-Mashiba commented that “If you can make it.”

-“Oh I’m excited to fight Warlee. But Tigers eat monkeys.”

-Round 5 endedsimilarly to rounds 2 and 3. But Miyata realizes something, he’s slowing down. His body is starting to feel the strain again.

-Round 6 is when things needed to change. Miyata knew he had to end it in the next 2 rounds. Or exhaustion will catch him.

-Miyata landed a new jolt on Ippo. And it almost knocked him down, but Miyata didn’t expect the counter! Ippo had realized he had started relying to heavily on his Dempsey and even stopped using his jabs. So before his match, he made himself relearn everything from his prior matches. Including refining the counter he once used a long time ago. But this time, he was planning to use it for Miyata’s jolt.

-Ippo knocked Miyata down. And it was almost a 10 count. But Miyata got up at 9.

-Ippo charged as soon as the ref cleared and hit him with the Gazelle punch. Almost knocking Miyata out. But Miyata manage to make it miss the vital spot.

-Ippo was going to end it, Miyata can feel it. But he waited, for Ippo’s strongest punch.

-And sure enough, Miyata got the counter. Just before the round ended.

-Ippo felt the world flash. Ippo could feel his conciousness leaving. This was a heck of a fight. He could fall and be satisfied with how it ended. But that thought alone made Ippo realize… that wasn’t true at all. He’d HATE to end it here!

-Ippo stopped himself from hitting the ground, and from that low position. He hit the Dempsey roll. By pure instinct!

-Miyata couldn’t counter fast enough. The attack was too fluid. And it ended with Ippo’s last punch sending him flying out of the ring.

-Miyata was KO’d. Ippo had won.

-Ippo’s record now 25 wins, 1 loss, and 1 draw.

-The crowd was roaring with excitement. This Ippo was a true monster now. And the crowd loved it!

-Ippo went to check on Miyata after the fight

-Miyata was conscious and conceded that Ippo won.

-He told Ippo he would be moving up weight classes now. He had reached his limit in feather weight. He had for a while.

-Ippo asked why he didn’t do it sooner. Miyata told him. “Because we needed to settle our score.”

-Miyata sighed as he leaned back. He told Ippo that he couldn’t have imagined getting this far without him here.

-“You have to beat Ricardo now.” Miyata told him.

-This was a shock to Ippo. But he asked why.

-“Because I can’t anymore and you beat me. So you have to beat him.”

-Another baton had been passed to Ippo. Miyata’s and Date’s.

-Ippo told him that he would get to Ricardo.

———————————————————————

-Takamura beat Keith Dragon easily. In fact, it was easier than in canon. Takamura could see his brother in boxing excel and he refused to be showed up.

-A week later was Sendo and Warlee’s fight. And it was a real bloodbath.

-Sendo was surprised by the absolute ruthlessness of Warlee’s boxing. It made him excited.

-The fight ended up going the distance. Both wanting to win by KO. But Warlee won by a split decision. Sendo was pissed but admitted that he agreed with the refs on this one. If he had just gotten that last hit, he would have won.

-Warlee used that fight to refine his blood lust. Mastering it thanks to Sendo.

-Miyata commented that the fight could have gone either way.

-Warlee was excited to fight Ippo again. He wanted to show the boy that gave him his first loss all that he learned.

-Ippo admitted that out of all the people in the tournament, Warlee was the one he wanted to fight the least. (He was incredibly dangerous) But he knew that whoever won, would be a very powerful opponent right before Ricardo. A true test of his boxing.

Hajime no Ippo: What if

(What if Ippo did get to fight Miyata for the OPBF belt?)

-Everything leading up to Miyata’s 5th title defense, but with one change. Miyata didn’t see Mr. Sakaguchi or Randy jr in the crowd.

-Without the distraction, Miyata didn’t struggle and didn’t break his fist in his fight.

-Miyata was still champion and with no injuries, he would be facing Ippo on the promised day.

-Now with no need for an interim champion to exist. Ippo and Miyata are on a collision course.

-Randy Jr. Does show up to see Miyata and tell him the dates BS. Miyata is confused as this is his first time seeing Randy Jr. but brushes it off as not important right now. He has more important things.

-Both fighters are super motivated

-The time of the fight has arrived and Ippo, renounced his title belt. As was his plan with his Gym’s permission.

-Ippo ends his reign with 7 title defenses. Leaving the title vacant. Now taking his next step.

-Ippo is running on pure motivation. And at this time we know what he was thinking

-Ippo planned on retiring after this match. Now would he truly retire? We don’t know in canon. But at this time he was resolute. His goal was to fight Miyata

-Now one could argue he only came to this conclusion while he was waiting for Miyata because of the postponement. But I think this was Ippo’s state of mind. He was always planning to take over his family business.

-Anyway, the OPBF Title match arrives. People are hyped!

-Date, Sendo, Mashiba, and others are watching with interest.

-Coach could see in the kids eye, Ippo was motivated more than ever. A feeling in his gut that maybe this might be Ippo’s final match. Regardless, he was his coach and second. He’d make sure this kid put up one hell of a fight.

-cue flashbacks of the two at the start.

-Miyata remember when Ippo first showed up. Remembering their spars. Remembering the loss that prevented him from keeping his promise. But now, nothing will stand in the way. This is his fight.

-Ippo also remembering his spars with Miyata. Remembering how this was his goal from the beginning. Now, he was ready. The fight with his fated rival.

-The title on the poster, called “Fated” as a reference to the promise.

-The arena was sold out.

-The fight is called, the stadium is packed. The OPBF title match was underway.

-The first round. Ippo didn’t charge immediately. He was being analytical. It was a surprise. Everyone could feel the tension.

-Ippo and Miyata were running countless scenarios in their heads as they prepared. But then, they both began.

-The first round was a tie, no clear advantage.

-Miyata Sr, telling Miyata to keep cool. He has the speed advantage. He just needs to relax. Coach kamogawa telling Ippo to put the pressure on.

-Round 2 was an intense bout. Ippo landing the first clean blow, almost knocking down Miyata. But Miyata was able to fire back.

-The stadium was hyped up. Sendo commenting that Ippo was going to win, Mashiba commenting that Miyata has the clear advantage. Date comments on both their strengths and weaknesses.

-Round 3 and 4 are both intense rounds, Miyata starting to feel the downside of his weight control. Yet Miyata gets the first down on Ippo with a powerful counter. Ippo got up at 7. Ippo had realized That was Miyata’s hidden move.

-Round 5 Ippo gets his first down on Miyata. Barely grazing him.

-Both boxers evolving. Date comments that right now those two were world rankers and surpassed him when he had his rematch with Ricardo.

-Sendo could see it, the fire in Ippo’s eyes.

-Mashiba felt genuine guilt keeping these two from fighting.

-Round 6 has them Both score downs on the other.

-Round 7 and 8 has Miyata taking lead, almost knocking Ippo down. But Ippo lands some nasty liver blows.

-Round 9 and 10 Ippo takes point lead. And it’s still all tied up. Both almost knocked the other down. Both knowing that whoever goes down first would lose.

-Round 11, Ippo and Miyata start going at it harder. Both throwing Everything they got into the fight. Everyone was stunned by the display. Both of them evolved again. Ippo unveiling the Dempsey roll and Miyata showing his unseen punch. They both knocked the other down at the same time! Both by sheer spirit managed to stand up.

-Both make it to round twelve. Both in their mind knowing, this would not end with a decision.

-And they both go in. One final punch to end it.

[moemoemammon]

Following that "least favorite" request could we get their reactions to being to told that they're their favorite, but to not tell the other brothers so their feelings don't get hurt? Maybe because they relate to them the most or just get along really well. Thanks!

You're My Favorite! But Don't Tell the Others-

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

There are no words to explain the overwhelming satisfaction ion Lucifer’s face after you tell him that. Of course, it’s only natural that he would be your favorite, all things considered.

The Avatar of Pride won’t ever forget this moment. He carefully considers your words and agrees not to tell anyone, as much as he’d love to bring it up, because he knows more than anyone what kind of chaos would ensue should the others (especially Mammon) find out.

But they can tell something’s up when the eldest has been heard humming all day. He moves about the house with even more grace than usual, and hasn’t scowled even once.

But the REAL shocker was when Mammon tried hiding a bill right as Lucifer walked in... and the eldest let him off with a warning. A WARNING! The brothers thought the Devildom must’ve frozen over, but you and he knew different.

“MC, I would like you to accompany me to Le Pluvier this afternoon, once you've finished your studies. I've already made reservations, so be sure to get ready on time. I've made sure to consider the things you might like to eat, so I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself. Don't be late." "...I'm grinning? I don't know what you're talking about."

Mammon

The gigantic grin on Mammon’s face is so bright, it could rival the sun. You’ve seriously made his day. No, his year. Actually, he’s pretty sure he could ride this high for the next millennia! There’s nothing in this world that could dampen his spirits right now! 

He feels like he just won big at the casino! Of course he’s your favorite! He WAS your first demon, and now he’s gone and claimed his rightful spot as your number one! Good luck trying to keep him from saying anything. Mammon’s gonna throw it around in everyone’s faces for as long as he can milk it.

And you thought he was clingy before, just wait till you see how he treats you after hearing that. Despite always calling you his ‘servant’ or his ‘human’, you’d  think your roles were reversed. Mammon spoils you every chance he gets, buying you clothes and trinkets, filling the spaces in your room with the things he knows you like, monopolizing you completely until nearly everything you own is a gift from him.

Your words also help soothe that jealousy of his a little. Only a little, though. It’s easier to watch you talk to other demons when he knows he’ll always be your first man.

“Didja really have to stay after class that long? I know you were talkin' to that demon that lent you a book, but you outta ask ME for stuff! Tch... you're lucky I'm in a good mood today! But I guess I don't have to worry about some low level demon like that, seein' as I'm your favorite!"

Levi

Wait wait wait....Come again? Did you seriously just say what he think you said..? That had to be a mistake! Some kind of...uh..verbal typo! Because there’s absolutely, positively, NO WAY in all of the nine layers that he could be your favorite demon. And yet you still insist that you’re telling the truth, and Levi feels like he’s died and gone to heaven. 

Red faced and stammering up a storm, Levi looks like he might die. Is it really okay for a shut-in otaku to feel this giddy? Seriously, he hasn’t felt like this since he got his hands on a signed copy of a Ruri Hana audio drama! No no, this definitely beats that!

You’ve managed to inflate his nearly nonexistent ego, and now he feels like there’s nothing he can’t do! Maybe he could even go to Majolish right now?? THAT’S how good he’s feeling!

Almost as bad as Mammon in keeping it a secret. He doesn’t tell anyone right away, but they’re suspicious when they notice how much time he’s spending out of his room. And then when he and Mammon get in another petty argument, he drops the bomb that he’s your favorite demon in the entire Devildom, and you can guess how things go from there.

“Uuuoooo...!!!!! I've decided..! Since I've got a serious stat buff, I'm going to open a booth at the next convention coming up..! I'll sell my Ruri-chan fan art and spread her influence all over the Devildom! I'd never have the guts to do it normally, but I feel like I could do anything right now! Y-you'll go too, won't you MC?"

Satan

You nearly made this man spit tea all over his book, and now he’s coughing and spluttering and trying to figure out what could’ve prompted what he’s taking as a confession. You.. do realize what you’re saying, don’t you? And you know the kind of effect your words have on him?

Satan isn’t the type that wears his heart on his sleeve, so you have to look for his subtle expressions to tell how he’s feeling. But there’s nothing subtle about the redness of his ears and how he’s begging you not to look at him right now. For the sake of his sanity, give him a minute to recoup.

When he does recover, he agrees to keep it a secret for obvious reasons. And it’s hard to tell that he’s in a good mood, other than the fact that he hasn’t tried to pull any pranks on Lucifer lately. But Asmo sees all, and literally hounds him into spilling the tea.

He tells him a lie of course, but now the other brothers are noticing just how happy he is. Satan's smiling way too much today, isn't he? And he didn't even get mad when Beel got whipped cream on his jacket! Well, not THAT mad, anyway.

"Haaah... everyone's been harassing me all day, claiming I'm smiling a lot. I'm sure I look the same as I always do, but I'll admit that I've been happy ever since you told me that this morning. Wait.. you did think I've been grinning too, do you? I have??"

Asmo

Asmo always jokes about being your favorite and announces it as if the two of you are married, but when you actually confirm that his longing for you isn’t one sided, he ends up smearing lip balm across his cheek in shock. Did you... really say that just now? He knew it all along, but hearing it like that is just...!

Ooooh, he’s so happy he can hardly contain himself! Asmo throws his arms around you, peppering your face in kisses until you feel sticky from lip balm, wipes your face clean, then marks it up all over again. Good luck getting rid of him, because he might never let go.

Immediately posts it to Devilgram. Did you really think he’d let such a momentous occasion go unannounced? You must not have been paying attention to the kind of person he is! Asmo would put you on a pedestal in front of the world like a precious jewel if he were able, but this’ll have to do. He won’t hide his love at all!

Of course, the others don’t take too kindly to it, not that he cares. He never leaves your side, pampers you like crazy, and has even attempted to get you to move into his room. Lucifer put an immediate stop to that, though. Boo...

“I just can't get enough of you, MC! Just being near you gets me so excited that I can hardly stand it! You'll take responsibility for what you're doing to me, won't you? And in exchange, I'll take my time showing you just how much I love you. After all, you're my favorite, too!"

Beel

Beel never has a problem with choking while he eats, and it comes as naturally as breathing. Unfortunately neither of that applies right now, since you just made him choke on a meatball sub.

He usually takes your words with quiet acceptance, but this might be the most emotion you've ever witness from the stoic demon. His eyes are wider than that time that laid on an entire gingerbread mansion, sparkling up with such deep emotion you wouldn't be surprised if he cried. Instead he softens up and immediately embraces you.

...And doesn't let go. Sandwich long forgotten, he's been carrying you around all day, and ignoring any questions or protests from his brothers. Also insists on feeding you throughout the day. The food tastes better when he can enjoy it with you, so why not just bring you everywhere?

When he isn't carrying you, he's following you around subconsciously, either close up against you like a protective wall, or just far enough that you're within his line of sight. As far as not telling anyone, he... tells Belphie immediately. It was an accident though, since there's not much he keeps from his twin.

"MC, I won a meal ticket for Godevil Chocolatier. Let's get something for dessert today. Ah, you can get as much as you want, too. I really want to see what things you choose. They might become my favorites."

Belphie

There's nothing in this world that can wake Belphegor from his sleep, unless he allows it. No loud noises, no amount of shaking or smacking, and not even dragging him around the house. But the moment you whisper that he's your favorite demon, the Avatar of Sloth is wide awake.

Hey, you're not just saying weird things to get a reaction, are you? Because if so, this is a new level of cruel. Yet you confirm that you mean it and swear him into secrecy, and Belphie tries his best not to show how happy he is. A smile keeps creeping up on his face that he struggles to force down. It's annoying...

As funny as it’d be to tell everyone the news, he's good at keeping secrets. Instead, you've noticed that he's been sleeping a little less that before. When he does take one of his hundreds of naps, he finds some way to be closer to you. He's even been seen sleepwalking to your exact location somehow-

It's hard for him to believe that you're not teasing, though. How could HE be your favorite demon here? Belphie doesn't do anything special to win you over, yet after everything he put you through, you like him enough to deep him your favorite?

"You're weird, MC. I mean... me? I won't deny that I'm really happy though, but I guess I'm in disbelief. You should spoil me even more until I believe you. Lend me your lap for a few hours, okay?" "...I wonder what Lucifer would think if I told him, heheh."

[rek1s-headband]

Oh oh! Can we get some hedcanons about cherry adopting a girl who is around miya's age. Like how close would they be and how would others feel about her being his daughter now. Bonus points if uncel Joe and little missy mess with daddy blossom

Xoxo love your work so far, keep it up💙

➯ A/N: This was such an amazing request, I had so much fun writing it! Hope you enjoy :)

Also, i started watching Your Lie in April today, and its AMAZING! So much more than what I was expecting

➯ With a daughter

➯ Characters: Kaoru Sakurayashiki with a young daughter. Reki, Langa and co. are mentioned throughout!

➯ Warnings: none:)

Having a child had never crossed Kaoru’s mind before, but when Joe had teased him about how “you treat Carla better than you would a child!”, the idea kind of stuck with him. And so, he’d spent countless nights awake, wondering to himself if it was something he truly wanted?

He’d pass parks, seeing parents with spewing babies and toddlers throwing tantrums, wondering if he could actually put up with that? But as he passed the shops, he came across a mother and her daughter, who looked around 12. He watched them pass, a grin on the child’s face as she looked into her shopping bag, examining her haul for that day. And so it was settled

He wanted a baby girl he could spoil absolutely rotten

And the search for a child carried on, and this time instead of baby shops and websites, he was browsing the shelves of Claires and other tween clothing stores. It had only occurred to him over a bottle of wine with Joe, as they were discussing if Kaoru was truly ready for something like this. Instead of a crying baby or a messy toddler, he could simply adopt someone a bit older!

It made sense too. For a single parent, an older child seemed much more doable. Of course, he wouldn’t be alone. Joe was always telling him how he’d help out, yknow, if he actually went through with the damn thing.

Not to mention, the older you get, the more difficult it is to get adopted. Babies and young children will get adopted left right and centre, whereas the child he will take home will have been there for a while. Finally, they will have a place to call a home

He spent months trying to get the approval for adoption, and one fateful day he finally got the letter that yes he could go ahead and take one home. He was ecstatic, spending the next few days finding out the location of every orphanage around his area of Japan. He messaged every single one, asking when their next visiting day was

And so it was set: Kaoru would not rest until he had found his perfect little girl

He went through orphanage after orphanage, searching for someone he could call his own. However, none of the children were lighting that paternal flame inside him. It wasn’t their fault of course, they just didn’t click with him, staring at him any time he tried to talk to them. Visit after visit, he’d go to Joe’s, ready to tell him about his recent fail.

It wasn’t until Joe came up to him with a phone number, asking if he’d been to this particular orphanage yet. Apparently they had a few children aged 12 and up, and were available for visit that Saturday. And so there he was, packing a bag and getting ready to travel to the house. This time felt different, somehow. He could feel his palms sweat, as if he could sense he would take one of them home

When he finally made it to the house, he was a nervous wreck. The lady of the house let him in with a smile, telling him the children were in the backyard playing while she bounced a baby on her hip. Cherry winced as the baby gurgled at him, glad he opted for an older child

She led him outside, gesturing at the children who were sprinting around in the vast field, hiding behind trees and bushes. It was clear they were playing a game of hide and seek. He smiled as he scanned over them, but it quickly disappeared when he noticed one little girl sitting on the step, head in her lap while her shoulders gently shook with tears

He walked over to her, bending down with a soft smile. He didn’t know where this sudden calmness came from, but that was his last priority right now. A little gash sat on the girls knee, caked with blood as it trickled down her shin. He frowned, pulling out a tissue to gently wipe it. She jumped, wincing with shock from the fresh wave of pain, and surprise. Kaoru gently wiped at her knee once more before looking up at her to attempt a conversation

“Hello, is your knee alright?” She shook her head frantically, wiping a tear away from her face. A small breathy laugh escaped him as he watched the child stand, gesturing to her leg

“Nope, not at all. I think its broken, if you ask me. All cause of that stupid thing!” She threw her arm out, gesturing to a pink board Kaoru hadn’t noticed before. A skateboard.

That’s when Kaoru realised it: I want this one

Suddenly he felt a new sense of importance, like he had to make a good impression. He walked over to the board, tutting as he looked down at it. “This is what hurt you?” He looked at it with disdain as the little girl nodded her head violently. Kaoru could see how she hurt herself, the thing was massive, especially for someone her age. It looked around the size of a board he would use.

Grinning, he picked up the board. “Well, want to see something cool?” She watched in wonder as kaoru stood on it, pushing off and turning quickly, popping an ollie over a stray toy. The little girl jumped, throwing her arms up as she cheered Kaoru on. He finished with a flourish, coming back to stand beside her. “What did you think?” She was speechless, simply moving her hands, saying scattered “wows” and making various sound effects. Kaoru smiled, certain that he could teach her more.

When he realized visiting time was coming to a close, he proposed the idea to the girl, who’s name he had come to know was Lily: he’d come back next week, and he’d bring his board. He even promised to find her a smaller boar perfect for her to learn on, saying he knew a friend who could make her one. From there he would teach her the basics of skateboarding, even a couple of tricks once she got that down. She was delighted, bouncing up and down and declaring she couldn’t wait, all the energy of someone much younger than her. Kaoru found he couldn’t stop smiling himself either

He made his way back through the house, Lily skipping alongside him. He explained the plan to the Lady, that he would come back next week for another visit. Just as he was about to leave, he turned to the lady to request one final thing from her

“Make sure no one snatches her up from me while I’m gone, yeah?”

Needless to say a bottle of wine was opened at Joe’s that night in celebration of Lily, the potential daughter

And so the weeks turned into months, and Kaoru returned each week with his board and some sweets for her and the other children, teaching her everything she needed to know about skateboarding. After a month or so she could confidently ollie without bailing, and next time he visited she displayed it with delight, watching Kaoru’s face light up with pride.

She had taken a real liking to Kaoru, according to the Lady. She refused to pay any other visitors any notice, declaring they “simply weren’t Kaoru.” This is what finally made him realise that maybe it was time to ask if she’d like to live with him from now on, where she could practice with him every day.

When he asked her, Kaoru could’ve sworn he actually saw stars in her eyes. She simply lit up, throwing herself at Kaoru, tears streaming down her face as she shouted yes, of course she would. she wasn’t the only one crying, Kaoru could barely see from the tears in his own eyes, the lady dabbing at hers with a tissue

Once the paperwork was complete and Lily was his, he felt a weight had been taken off his shoulders. He had packed her a new change of clothes the day he went to collect her, bringing Joe along with him for emotional support. Lily came flying at him the second he got out of his car, wrinkling her nose at Joe

“You never told me you had a boyfriend, Kaoru” she stuck her tongue out at him from over his shoulder while they both tried to convince her that no, they weren’t a couple, before she ran upstairs to get changed. Joe turned to Kaoru, an almost offended look on his face

“Why were you so adamant that we weren’t together??” “I dont need her worrying she’s going home to a Gorrila” “HEY”

Once they all got home, they threw a little party at Joe’s who had closed a little early specially for it. Kaoru didn’t let her out of his sight, making sure she wasn’t uncomfortable with all the new people. Of course, it was only Joe, Shadow, Reki, Langa and Miya, all of whom she would meet eventually, but he still worried in case she got overwhelmed.

She made quick friends with Reki, who was ecstatic from the moment he realised she could skate. The two bonded over it, talking about tricks they’d learned, Reki shouting over at Kaoru because why hadn’t he taught him anything??

Miya was a bit standoffish at first, but when she saw the switch in his hand, the two were instantly bonding over who had better villagers in Animal Crossing, and who had passed more levels in Mario with three stars

As the months went on, Lily really settled into her new life in Okinawa, starting at school in Miyas class. The two were joined at the hip, Miya often coming home to Kaoru’s so they could practice together, or simply study and watch some movies. Reki constantly teased the shit out of the two, talking about how he heard “wedding bells”. This comment earned him a swift whack into the skull from Kaoru, warning him not to tease his little girl

Soon enough Kaoru was making her own skateboard with built-in Carla, who helped her skating improve insanely. As Kaoru said, she was definitely a chip off the old block. Langa and Reki would take her to the skate park with them, helping her land new tricks and would take videos of her to send to Kaoru

Shadow was like a chill uncle to her, bringing her flowers for her room and taking her out to get some clothes and ice cream. Joe was like an uncle too, but a much more untrustworthy one. Would he take her to the park, or would he take her to parts of downtown she definitely shouldn’t have been? Who knows, certainly not Kaoru...

Poor Kaoru can never get a minutes peace. Every second of the day she’s plotting something, waiting for him to let his guard down so she can pounce, scaring the shit out of him. When the others are around its 10x worse, all of them ganging up on him to pull pranks

As well as skateboarding, Kaoru tried to teach her how to do calligraphy. She ended up being awful, blotting the ink and smearing it with her hand. But hey, it was a fun art project that made it onto the fridge

At S, she was watched like a hawk. When Kaoru was competing,the others would be like her bodyguard, making sure no one got within 5 feet of her. She’d watch her dad with wonder, the look of awe never leaving her face since the first day she saw him skate. She can’t wait for the day she can compete, maybe even beating her own dad

The first time Lily called Kaoru “dad” was when he won a race, showing off some amazing skills and winning the insanely close match by a hair. He picked up his board, looking around for Lily. He saw her in the crowd, throwing her arms up and cheering “THATS MY DAD!! LOOK, RIGHT THERE, THATS MY DAD!” When she spotted him, a large grin spread across her face. “Nice job out there dad! You did amazing!! D’you think I can do that one day?”

Everyone was staring at her, she hadn’t even realised she had said anything out of the ordinary. Soon enough Kaoru was lunging at her, picking her up in a hug so she didn’t see the tears quickly forming on his face. With a smile he pulled away, his voice dripping with pride

“Of course you could. You’re my daughter, aren’t you?”

[adonis-koo]

Strictly Business

↳ Summary: When the price of your apartment shoots through the roof, you and your roommate become desperate for money and go to extreme measures to make it possible to afford living there. But it’s all strictly business in the end. Right?

↳ Genre: porn with some plot if you squint, it’s a pornstar AU essentially, sex worker au??? Roommates AU, it’s all platonic, or is it?

↳ Pairing: Jungkook/Reader

↳ Word Count: 13k

Tags: dom!kook, sex tapes obviously, dirty talk, pussy slapping, good girl!MC, sir kink, degradation, like if you aren’t into degradation just skip, vaginal fingering, size kink 😌, a little dumbfication, ruined orgasm, breath play, oral (m & f), sex toy, overstimulation, bondage, theres elements of BDSM but not hardcore,

Note: I never thought I’d write pwp ever but here we are you horndogs, I feel like this Oneshot probably deserves a part 2 tbh

“What!?” 

Jungkook cringed at your shouted words, you hadn’t meant to of course. Truth be told, you didn’t really know your roommate that well. But he was good in terms of keeping the apartment fairly clean, he was quiet, never brought any one night stands home. You did the same. But outside of talking over bills, a few mutual friends and occasionally watching a movie together you both didn’t really hang out much.

“...Look I know,” Jungkook sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, “They just spiked rent last month too…Maybe we should look for a different place?” He offered as you slumped on the couch. This place was perfect though, it was close to campus, close to your and his work and all while in range of plenty of fast food restaurants and the grocery store. You couldn’t get any better than this.

The apartment was already rather pricey when you and Jungkook found it, but you both made enough together that with that and making sure to grocery shop together it would be fine. But then your tenant had retired and gave his business over to his son who had spiked the rates last month and to be fair he warned he was doing a finalized rent this month but still…

Five hundred extra? How could you afford nine hundred rent a month when both you and Jungkook worked regular college level jobs? 

“I’m sure we could but…” you frowned as you fumbled with your fingers, “It won’t be nearly as close to campus or work…” 

Jungkook didn’t like the idea anymore then you but...what other options were there? He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, “Well let’s not worry about it tonight. I’ll start looking for other places. Who knows, maybe we can find somewhere better.” He offered you a tiny smile that you weakly returned before sighing, lips quivering before you stood up, running a hand through your hair before going back to your room, looking rather upset.

Jungkook frowned before sighing as his gaze lingered in your direction before making his way to his room. Jungkook began his search for different apartments but much to his irrigation everything was either the same price which neither of you could afford or it was nearly a half hour drive to uni. 

It was well into the early morning until Jungkook eventually gave up all together, to make matters go from bad to worst he inhaled sharply in annoyance at the strained feeling of his cock strapped inside the confines of his jeans he had yet to change out of. Seriously? He looked down at the bulge in his pants that decided to greet him at nearly twelve at night.

He looked back at the house listing before back at his pants he clacked his tongue exiting out of the page, seeing as he obviously wasn’t going to find any apartment options tonight and he had a raging boner he knew he could at least fix one of these things.

Kicking off his jeans he sighed in relief before typing away on his computer, putting on his headphones as he eagerly scrolled through Playhub.

Instead of finding a good video to jerk off too he paused at the side bar that usually held porn ads, instead it was advertisement for working on playhub...Jungkook gritted his teeth together, ignoring his hardened cock that was throbbing in need to be touched as he clicked on the ad...Maybe this night wasn’t such a bust…

Should he tell you? He felt nervous as you finished up drinking your smoothie, you were getting ready for work this morning, your hair tied up and you still looked pretty tired. Jungkook felt himself gulp, staring without even realizing it. But the longer he stared the more he felt his ears burning, sure he thought you were pretty when he first met you but…

“Are you okay?” He jumped at your soft voice, tilting your head a little as you glanced at your roommate, feeling slightly odd given he was usually still in bed or was already on his way to work, or even class. It was rare you shared breakfast together. Jungkook swallowed thickly as he rapidly shook his head without even meaning too. He was trying to get the courage to bring up his solution to you.

“Y-yeah I’m good!” Jungkook flashed you a strained smile but he was positive his cheeks were flushed. You pressed your lips together but said no more as you glanced back down at your phone. Jungkook could feel himself slump a little, he usually wasn’t this nervous around girls, god he felt like he was in middle school again. 

But again, he had never thought of you in this way before...I mean sure...Jungkook was a man, he had thought about it a time or two in passing thought. But he had never extensively thought about it. About you. About having sex with you. And it was frighteningly arousing, he wouldn’t lie. Had he always been so blind to how tight your sleep shorts were? Or how short they really were and how they strapped against your ass? 

Or the way you’d flash him timid sweet smiles when you’d pass one another in the house. Jungkook was thinking with his hormones now. But still...if he was going to do this, he wouldn’t want anyone else to be his partner going into it. 

Before he knew it his opportunity was gone as you left the table making him groan in defeat. To be fair it wasn’t exactly an easy question; ‘Hey would you consider making porn with me since we’re desperate to pay rent and can’t afford to stay anywhere else?’

Because that conversation could go well...Jungkook didn’t even know your favorite color, how the fuck was he supposed to go about this? He nibbled against his lower lip as he sunk in his seat, this was going to be more challenging then he anticipated…

Jungkook has spent most of his day at work mopping around and fretting about how bad your reaction could be, the worst would be making things awkward but...that wasn’t going to solve anything and this was a solution...sorta...It could also flop but this could work! Jungkook knows it can! 

He continued to affirm himself the whole day and even when he got off shift at nine o’clock at night and headed home. Yes! He’d go and he’d ask you if you were willing to do this because you both needed rent money by the 29th and that wasn’t going to happen unless you did something this something just so happened to be porn…

Jungkook gulped a little as he took his shoes off at the entrance before headed inside, making himself some cup noodles as he tried to calm himself. 

What Jungkook didn’t expect was for you to come out of your room, sweatpants hiding the nice sight of your thighs but the tank top was loose and low enough to spot the lacy bralette you sported that Jungkook never looked twice at until now. God he felt like a total pervert! He could already feel his ears turning red as he hurriedly slurped his noodles trying to ignore your figure the way you bent down to grab juice from the fridge.

You were about to leave when Jungkook jumped the opportunity, “Um-! Y/n!” He almost yelped, wincing at his tone. God why did he sounded like he was going through puberty again.

Usually when Jungkook wanted to get with a girl he was a lot more subtle, a few smirks here and there, some playful flirting. Smooth. So why wasn’t he being smooth? Probably because this wasn’t exactly what one would consider a one night stand…

You turned around as you tilted your head, giving him your full attention as you asked, “Yeah?” Jungkook felt himself freeze before he forced a cough from his lips. You could tell he had been acting up since this morning and for some reason it put you on edge...did he not want to be roommates anymore? Was something wrong?

Noting he hadn’t said anything yet you took the opportunity to sit down across from him as you raised your brows.

“I...um…” Jungkook sucked in a breath of air, calming himself down, “So...I found a way that could help us get rent….”

Jungkook felt bad at watching the way your eyes lit up in excitement as you bounced in your seat a little, clapping your hands as you asked, “What? Really!? What is it? I'd hate for us to have to move somewhere else…” Of course this little nerd Jeon Jungkook found a way for you both to get side cash! God you may not have been close to him but he really was a genius! 

Oddly enough Jungkook didn’t seem to share your sentiment as he dropped his gaze, looking somewhat ashamed which made your brows furrow. 

That was weird…”Well...here’s the thing…” he gave you a funny smile as he rubbed the back of your neck, “...Did you know Playhub pays users who put up content.” Jungkook wasn’t even sure how he managed to get those words out but he could tell that was the last thing you expected him to say.

It looked like your brain was frozen for a good few minutes before as you opened and closed your mouth several times...He did not just say what you think you heard him say…”You’re...you’re joking...right?” You forced a smile on your lips, feeling like something was caught in your throat as you forced a laugh despite your face suddenly feeling hot.

Jungkook sunk into his seat a little which only confirmed he wasn’t joking about this, he ran a hand through his hair as he looked away apprehensively, “I understand if you don’t want to do it but…! Just give it a thought-“ 

“Jungkook that’s insane! Who would sell porn?” 

“I would,” Jungkook replied somewhat defensively before he realized what he said, his ears burning as your jaw dropped a little and your brows rose, “...If I’m desperate enough and I’m pretty desperate right now Y/n...I’ve already checked for different apartments but anything in a half hour radius is around nine hundred as well and unless you wanna find two other housemates in the next two weeks we’re gonna be living in your car.” 

Jungkook’s brows were pinched and you wanted to whine at how serious his expression was. Porn? Together….Seriously? Just the idea was making you flush. You wouldn’t lie, Jungkook was an attractive guy, extremely attractive guy, you’d be dumb to not acknowledge that. Or the fact that you had a tiny crush on him when you first moved in together. But eventually you got over it, that didn’t erase the fact that it was once there though! If you slept with him...Dear god…that only crossed your mind when you were desperate while masturbating…

“Oh my god…” you sighed as you pressed your hands to your face.

“Like I said!” Jungkook replied hurriedly, “You don’t have to do it if you don’t feel comfortable but...we should start sending out advertisements for other roommates soon.”

Porn...Together…

You melted into your chair feeling somewhat embarrassed by the idea, what if somebody you knew stumbled across a video or what if your work found out…? “I…” You pressed your lips together before rubbing your temple, “Can I at least think it over tonight…?”

Jungkook’s lips parted, you...you were actually considering? Jungkook felt his face burn as he nodded rapidly, “Of course! Yeah! Just let me know in the morning.” Holy shit you were considering!

Holy shit, you were actually considering this…

But Jungkook had a point, you were kind of desperate as well...You really loved this apartment and you didn’t want to give it up…

It was nearly seven in the morning and you had a horrible time sleeping last night, there were too many thoughts in your mind that kept you awake. If you were to do this then...you’d have to lay out a lot of ground rules and would have to talk a lot of things over…

That’s how you found yourself sitting on the couch with Jungkook both of you sitting on the opposite end turned to face one another, “...How do we even do this? Setting up an account?” You flushed as you asked, hugging the couch pillow against your chest.

Jungkook was still waking up, steam wafting from the cup of coffee he had as he took a sip, oddly not looking as flustered as he did the day before, “Well first off we’d make an account then we’d apply for their amateur program, they’ll have an admin verify us and we’d go from there.”  You pressed your lips together as you nodded, “If we do this,” Jungkook continued carefully, “We should stop by the bank and set up a joint account so we can both access the account we use for this.” 

That was definitely agreed and the smartest decision, that way there was no fighting or over spending any money you’d make on this...God you were actually considering this, “That's if you actually wanna do this though.” Jungkook finished as he took another sip of coffee, his expression neutral but the way he eyed you made your face feel hot again.

Sighing you pressed your hand to your face, what was the worst that could happen? You bang your roommate and this flops and then you go on with your life pretending it never happened? “Ah fuck it. We need money, and now.” Jungkook looked a little surprised by your words making you more flustered, “What!? Do you want me to say no!?” 

“No…! Well...Yeah, if you really don’t want to sleep with me…” Jungkook looked a little awkward as he rubbed his head, he wouldn’t lie, his pride would be a little hurt if you didn’t but he handled rejection all throughout his school years, he had survived before and could do so again.

“Do you wanna sleep with me?” You countered cautiously as you both awkwardly looked at one another.

Jungkook felt as if he’d break out in nervous sweat any moment, “...Yes…?” It was posed more like a question than an answer as you groaned making him rush, “It wouldn’t be a bad thing! I think your um-! I think you're pretty and I wouldn’t mind- I’m just gonna shut up. Let’s talk

sex, condoms or pill?” You looked at him bewildered as he scratched his cheek before murmuring, “Most people find it hot when it’s raw...we should discuss all of this before we do anything at all.” 

It was embarrassing though! You groaned as you shoved your face into your pillow, this was going to be a long conversation, “Condoms. I don’t have a reason to be on birth control but I mean…” You weren’t a stranger to Pornhub you knew most people went raw on there but…”Actually- before we even discuss condomless we should both get checked out. If you have STDs this plan isn’t going to work. We can talk about birth control afterward.” You’d be willing to go on pill but you wanted to make sure both of you were clean before you do anything else.

Jungkook nodded, “Alright fair enough- I don’t have STDs by the way,” He watched a smile tug on your lips for the first time all morning, yeah...this could definitely work, “You know I already have a good camera so we don’t have to worry about that. No faces though?” 

You immediately nodded, feeling a little better at the idea of keeping your face out of any kind of porn just to make yourself feel better, “Yeah definitely….And I guess we should probably talk about Uh…” you coughed a little, “...Kinks and stuff…For entertainment purposes.”

“Are you vanilla?” Jungkook immediately quizzed, making your gaze dart away from him, suddenly becoming mute, “Because we can keep it vanilla if that’s what you want.” He really was a sweetheart, not just like this but his whole personality. He was always thinking about others.

You rubbed your head as you sighed, forcing yourself to speak, “I uh...Not really…” you offered him a weak smile when you noticed he seemed confused.

You...you weren’t into vanilla? Jungkook didn’t want to say he assumed your tastes but well...he did a little, you were considerably quiet and timid, only open with your friends but over all a kind and sweet person. Jungkook figured girls like you probably liked something slow and sentimental. And there was nothing wrong with that! 

“And even if I was vanilla it wouldn't get views. Just throw me around and shit.” You laughed at the way Jungkook choked on his coffee, coughing as he pressed a hand on his chest, “Degradation, pain, bondage, all that stuff. Unless…! You’re not into that…” What surge of confidence you had suddenly wilted at the idea of Jungkook not being into these things.

Rather it was the opposite, the more you spoke the more aroused Jungkook felt, “...Are you saying you’re a submissive?” Jungkook could feel his cock throb in excitement. Sure he could find people who liked rough sex but not everyone was a submissive and the idea that he had been living with one for a year and a half was driving him up the wall. 

“Are you saying you’re a dominant?” You suddenly felt nervous at the idea, you could label yourself a sub but you had never actually been with a dominant before. Sure you had a great time with plenty of people but...The air in the room shifted a little, Jungkooks gaze a little more sultry then before, those usually innocent doe eyes looked lidded in the moment and the air around him suddenly looked a thousand times more confident as he gave a nod with a shrug, “Yeah, I am.” 

You wanted to screech at his words, his voice sounding a tone deeper than before.

Three words and it felt like you were squirming, of course he was dominant! Of course! You should’ve known! “So does that mean you like getting thrown around and shit?” Jungkook tucked his tongue into his cheek before offering a cocky smile that made him look a little more predatory than you were used to, he didn’t make a move to get closer to you but your body felt hotter then you remembered.

You managed a stiff nod, refusing to meet his gaze anymore and you were sure you looked embarrassed, you had to…You had never met someone that considered themselves formally a dominant but the energy just continued to ooze from Jungkook. 

“Oh? What about overstimulated,” Nod, “Toys?” Nod, “What about title kinks? I prefer to be addressed as Sir.” Jungkook wasn’t even hiding his arousal or interest anymore. His pupils looked dilated and he was licking lips at the way you squirmed in your seat, lips tugging into a pout and you refused to look at him anymore. Cute. 

“Sir is fine.” You mumbled as you rubbed your hand against your cheek, trying to stop your thighs from rubbing together in excitement. Maybe this wasn’t a terrible idea as you thought…

Finding out that you and Jungkook were both sexually compatible seemed to really fast track your progress. You both went out the same day, opened a joint account together, you went to get tested and meanwhile bought birth control for you to start taking. Things seemed to be going well the last few days but you couldn’t help but feel nervous, the 29th would be arriving soon and if this flopped you’d either be cramming two extra people in the apartment or you’d be sleeping in by the back of your car. 

“Well I don’t know, I guess we’ll just have to play around with camera positions,” Jungkook frowned, messing with his tripod as you laid on his bed so he could try to frame it without your face in the shot, “I think this should work.” He seemed satisfied with his work as he leaned back on his hands as he sighed in contentment. 

“Have you heard back from them yet?” You glanced up at Jungkook as he frowned, shaking his head. You had created a pornhub profile together the same day you agreed to do this and you had yet to hear back about getting verified. But a part of you wondered if you’d have to build a following first. God this sounded time consuming…

“Hey, come on it’ll be fine.” It was like Jungkook could sense your nervous energy as you sighed, rolling into your stomach as you buried into his pillow, “If the video does well we’ll still get a cut regardless of verified or not. Verified probably just means more exposure.” 

The bed dipped a little as Jungkook sat on the edge as you sighed, mumbling into the pillow, “If it does well. Pornhub is like any other platform, there’s millions of videos on there. What’s one more have to offer?” It was true, the likelihood that this was going to work was….not high.

Jungkook frowned as he shrugged, he had been the more optimistic one about this then you and he’d continue to do so, “Well maybe…” You could hear the hesitation in his voice as you glanced up at him in front of your slumped position, his eyes a little nervous as he shrugged, “Maybe we should try a practice run.” 

You could immediately feel your face become hot at his words, there wasn’t any reason why you couldn’t. You got your test results back and you were both clean of STDs and you had been making sure to take birth control every day for the past four days and today as well, “Maybe we should…” you mumbled letting your face press against the pillow once more. The fact was nobody was going to watch to two awkward college kids act like they were virgins, you needed to have confidence in having sex with Jungkook and vice versa, right now that wasn’t looking too hot, “We can’t make anything decent until we’re used to banging each other.” 

You could hear Jungkook laugh a little, sounding a little less nervous as you felt the bed shift again, a hand hesitantly rolling your over into your back to look up at him, his cheeks were pink despite hovering on top of you, “I think we could make something decent right now.” Jungkook offered a little smirk as you glanced at the camera, realizing the screen had been flipped and record was on making your ears burn as you squirmed beneath him a little, “We’ll take it slow.” Jungkook was going to be the dominant in this scenario so he felt obligated to be the one to lead you through this despite not being experienced himself.

“Listen...ah...If you wanna stop at any time just tell me okay? Remember, we’re just getting used to one another.” 

You swallowed thickly despite looking away from him, feeling too embarrassed to look at him directly, “Same applies, if you wanna stop then we do.” Jungkook felt reassured as his lips quirked into a little smile, but admittedly all business aside, he was aroused by the sight of you beneath him. Jungkook was eager to get you naked and soaking wet beneath him, he had a lot of things he wanted to experiment with today and he had the feeling you’d be a good girl and let him.

Your breath hitches a little at his hands immediately pushing your top over your head, you felt semi embarrassed you weren’t wearing any sort of lingerie, just your usual bralette and panties that weren’t even matching but Jungkook didn’t even seem to mind as he quickly undid your bra. 

Your first instinct was to shy away from him attempting to cover yourself but shockingly Jungkook’s hands were faster, “Dont.” His voice was husky and deeper as he spoke causing your core to ache with a gush of arousal, “Let’s make one thing clear,” Jungkook let his lips press against your ear as he purred lowly, “I’m the dominant here. So be a good little girl and obey.” He growled lowly keeping your arms pinned to the bed as his mouth dragged down your neck, a whine suddenly escaping you at the feeling of his mouth capturing your sensitive nipple between his lips. Suckling it as a soft moan escaped you, your back arching a little to try for a little more friction.

Your panties were practically soaking and you hadn’t even started yet, Jungkook held your wrists over your hand with one hand and the other squeezed against your waist before petting down to your hip, his lips suckling against your tits before you squeaked at the feeling of his hand cupping your cunt, “Fuck,” Jungkook grunted at the feeling of your hips immediately thrusting into his hand for friction, “So fucking needy.” He growled against your skin, letting go of your wrists to tug his shirt over his head, “Should’ve known your little ass was a good girl,” He cooed snidely, a sharp sting against your pussy as he spanked it making you moan louder then you wanted too as he his smirk widened, “What a cute little sub.” You whined as you felt a sharp slap against your clothed clit, throbbing in excitement as pain flushed against it. 

“Sir! Please.” You hadn’t even consciously realized what you said but it made Jungkook’s muscle tense and a growl to suddenly escaping him at being formally addressed. His cock suddenly throbbing in need as he bit against your skin, “Please what? You desperate whore.” He wanted to hear you say it, to listen to that sweet little voice beg to be fucked. How could Jungkook life with you for this long and never think about how nice and wet your little cunt was?

“Ah!” Your hips bucked at the harsh slap against your clit, pleasure making you whine and squirm as you fumbled, “Please! Please sir!” Jungkook gritted his teeth as he roughly cupped your cunt, massaging against it as your panties soaked with arousal.

“Answer my fucking question,” Jungkook growled against your ear lowly, his thumb pressing against your covered clit harshly, your loud surprised squeak like music to his ears, “What do you want? What do you think you deserve? Hm?” 

Jungkook wanted to moan at just the sight of your fucked out submissive face as your hips kept needily grinding against his hand, “Tongue! Sir! Please! Want fingers! Anything!” Your eyes squeezed shut as you whined feeling his fingers pinch your clit, “Ah Sir…!” Jungkook was already stuffing his hand down your panties his long thick fingers dragging over your soaked cunt before pushing a single digit inside you, your lips immediately parting and your little hole clenching around him with a whine.

“Is this what my little slut wants?” Jungkook cooed out mockingly, a wicked smirk on his face as your eyes met, your expression twisted between shy and needy as various whines escaped you as his finger roughly hitting up against your g-spot, “Fuck you’re so tiny baby, I don’t think you can take my cock. It’ll split you right in half.” Just to emphasize Jungkook squeezed another finger inside you making your body jolt and walls clamp with a loud cry as your hips began to fuck yourself with them.

Jungkook paused his movements just to watch your hips buck up against him, your tiny walls squeezing so tight and snug around his fingers that covered in your arousal, “Do you like fucking yourself with my fingers you desperate little whore?” Jungkook growled with lidded eyes, watching your tits bounce with each thrust of your body and your little squeaked moans. 

“Y-yes! Mm love it!” Jungkook licked his lips at the feeling of your walls squeezing as you whimpered, “Ah! F-feels good! Sir, cum! Want cum!” Your body withered due to edging yourself with his fingers that teasingly brushed up against your g-spot each time. Jungkook shoved his fingers inside you all the way causing you to whine as you scrambled to frantically fuck his fingers making him growl, his non working hand finally releasing your wrists only to grab your hips with a sneer, “Be still you needy bitch.” 

You whimpered but stayed still obediently as he used his free hand to peel off your panties, a low moan escaping him and his cock was pressed thick and bulging against his sweatpants at the sight of such a pretty wet cunt stuffed full of his fingers. Your legs immediately spread as your hips couldn’t resist rolling into him, having full motion to feel his fingers drag against your g-spot as you cried out with a moan, “I said stay fucking still,” Jungkook snapped, his hand spanking harshly against your thigh making you jump with a cry, body squirming against his fingers as he shoved them back deep inside you, “You like getting fucked by my fingers? Say it. Say how much you don’t fucking deserve it.” Jungkook demanded, he shifted your body slightly more towards the camera as he kept your legs spread, in perfect few for watching you get stuffed with his fingers, “Say it.” Jungkook snapped, his fingers roughly thrusting inside you causing a loud moan as his jammed his fingers up into your g-spot pleasure was rapidly blossoming in your body as you cried.

“I-I don’t deserve it! I’m a dumb needy slut that doesn’t deserve your fingers Sir! Ah! I’m worthless and shouldn’t be allowed to cum! Sir please…!” Your body was withering as his fingers pounded into you, his thumb skillfully rubbing circles into your clit as your walls rapidly clenched and relaxed, “Sir!” 

“That’s right,” Jungkook growled his fingers harshly rutting up into your g-spot sloppily and his thumb rubbing into your clit as he snarled, “You don’t deserve it you worthless cumdumpster.” Your body was so close, Jungkook could feel it, you were squirming and mornings hotly escaped you before a loud cry left your lips the glorious feeling of his fingers escaping you just at the edge of your orgasm, a sob escaping your lips as your body began to tremble. 

“Sir please! Please! Let me cum! Sir!” You sobbed with blurry eyes as you glanced up at Jungkook’s dark daunting figure, his fingers in his mouth as he licked them clean, as if he didn’t so much as care about your sobbing figure that trembled beneath him. 

His hand suddenly wrapped around your throat with a harsh squeeze, “Shut up you pathetic bitch. You said it yourself, you don’t deserve to cum,” Jungkook gave you a lopsided smile, “But if you really think you deserve to cum get on your knees.” He growled, getting off of you as he pulled his shirt over his head. Your mouth was watering at just the sight of his body, thick and taunt muscles all up and down his arms, his sweat pants hung low enough to show off his v line and you could even see the distinct display of abs when he crunched slightly before sitting with his feet on the ground at the edge of the bed, right in front of the camera. 

You scrambled to get off the bed, kneeling down between his parted legs as you folded your hands glancing up at him for direction, Jungkook snorted as his hand came to touch your hair a pleasant noise escaping you as his hand stroked down to your cheek.

A harsh smack against the same skin he previously brushed as you jumped with a whine, your cheek flushing with a delicious sting of pain as Jungkook gritted his teeth, “Don’t sit still and look pretty baby take out my cock.” Obediently you fumbled with his waist band before tugging it down. Pausing for a moment as his cock bounced and laid against his abdominal, he was so thick, perhaps not the longest you had seen but certainly not the shortest either. His head was bulbous and round weeping with precum. You didn’t stare for long, wanting to cum more than anything as you let your lips get to work.

Gently licking the precum off his head as you heard a moan of approval from him, delicately you let your tongue press against the base of his cock, squeezing his balls as you let your tongue work it’s way up his cock, another moan escaping his lips as he growled, “I said suck baby not tease.” 

Whining a little you huffed, gripping his cock a little tighter then necessary earning a grunt from him before you obediently parted your lips, slowly taking his thick tip into your mouth as you heard a sigh of relief from him. Your hands tugged against his base as you let your head bob against his tip, letting your tongue messily rub into his slit causing his hips to buck a little, “Fuuck, guess that bitchy little mouth is useful for something.” Jungkook moaned, pride swelling in your chest at making him feel so good, a whine suddenly escaped you at his hand tangling in your hair, pushing you to take more of his cock. You obediently let him, taking more of him into your mouth but not without a vibrated whine. 

Jungkook began to guide your movement with his hand into a slow bob as he moaned, pushing you to take further of him as his cock hit the back of your throat. 

Pausing a moment Jungkook moaned, “Can you deepthroat sweetheart? Fuuck.” He’s brows scrunched together as he glanced down, another breathy moan escaped him at the sight of your watery eyes glancing up at him a small nod making him moan again as he regripped your hair, somewhat more tender this time as he guided your mouth down his cock. Your throat burned and your jaw ached as you felt tears begin to well in your eyes as you hollowed your cheeks and let his shaft slide further into your mouth.

“Mmm shit, good girl,”Jungkook moaned his hips lifting a little as his hand tangled in your hair, his hand eagerly encouraging your head as you whined, letting your head bob against his thick shaft, gagging a little as his hand pushed you further down until your nose was pressed against his pubic bone, “You take me so well baby fuck.” Jungkook moaned lowly, his hand yanking your hair making you muffle a cry against his cock as he sloppily made you bob your head, saliva dripping down your chin and tears beginning to trickle down your cheeks as you gagged.

A loud moan escaped Jungkook at the feeling of your throat squeeze around him, “Fuck baby. That’s it. Good girl.” Your head was becoming light as you continued gagging on his cock, your nails digging into his thighs pleasantly and you could feel his cock throb and his hips lift. 

Jungkook harshly pulled you up from his bobbing cock that looked ready to cum from even the slightest contact, “What a good girl,” Jungkook rasped, cupping your cheek as he thumbed away the tears that trailed your cheeks, “C’mere.” 

You squeaked as Jungkook grabbed you, pull you up into his lap before shifting you onto the bed, your body trembled in excitement as Jungkook placed you on all fours, suddenly shoving your back against the bed and your face on the mattress as you whined, your ass presented for him as he moaned, “Such a good fucking girl. I should’ve fucked you sooner then this if I knew what a good little slut you were.” Jungkook let the tip of his cock sink inside you as let out a muffled moan, even being stretched wasn’t enough to prepare for his girthy cock.

Jungkook grunted was he pushed further inside you until his hips met yours, your walls squeezed snug around him but took him well as he moaned, “Fuck baby.” It’s all he said before he suddenly slammed into the bed, your weight completely thrown off and you had no choice but to let your face bury against the bed as you let out moan after moan, your walls excitedly clenching around him as he thrusted roughly inside you. Just hearing his balls slap against your skin, his cock splitting you open as he moaned, “Who knew my little slut would be so tiny. I’m gonna fucking break you baby, you want that?” 

Jungkook leaned down as his hips roughly rolled yours, his hand wrapping around your throat making you wheeze before you could even answer.

“Hnngh! S-sir! Sir!” You could hardly even speak when Jungkook roughly squeezed your neck once more, your walls clenching around him in excitement as his cock rubbed into your g-spot pleasantly, “Fuck me please. Harder. Ah! Harder!” You whined, needing friction desperately.

Your wish was his command and it even fully expecting it Jungkook’s hips became sharper and faster with each thrust, “This what you want baby? You wanna be my little fuck doll now?” Jungkook growled in your ear, his hand squeezing around your throat once more making you moan as your upper body completely collapsed, letting Jungkook pound into your cunt as he moaned, “Thats it fucking take it you worthless bitch. Are you gonna cum all over my dick?” 

Jungkook let go of your throat in trade for your clit, his thumb rubbing against your sensitive bud making you cry out, walls rapidly clenching around him as his cock slammed into your g-spot, your body withering at such an intense speed you weren’t sure you could stop yourself from cumming, “Ah! Sir! Sir! Ah!” Your walls were rapidly squeezing around his cock as your face scrunched, a loud muffled scream escaping you at your orgasm that snapped.

“Mmm fuck that’s it. Good girl.” Jungkook growled as his hips rolled into yours, letting himself sink inside your body milked his cock. His hands squeezing tightly against your waist as he moaned, hot cum shooting inside you as his hips grinded against yours, coaxing a few more spits of cum as he moaned. Your body trembling and exhaustion setting in as Jungkook inhaled sharply, his cock beginning to soften inside you before he pulled out. 

Your body slumped as you felt the bed shift his weight no longer on the bed. You glanced his way only to realize he turned off the camera before laying back down, collapsing on top of you as you whined a little. It was quiet as he pressed his face into your shoulder as he sighed, “Well, at least we don’t act like virgins.”

“I’m glad that’s what you took away from that.” You huffed, you could hear a muffled laugh from Jungkook making a smile tug on your lips as well, he certainly wasn’t wrong.

“Fuck me please. Harder. Ah! Harder!”

That...was you…? You couldn’t help but cringe, you couldn’t even stand your own voice let alone making a whole porno, Jungkook’s eyes weren’t trained on your sinful words or even your sloppy body movements in sync. He was too into his videographer self to care about the actual content.

“At least I sound like a pornstar.” You wrinkled your nose as you looked over his shoulder. This seemed to pull Jungkook out of his thoughts as he snorted, a smile tugging on his lips as he glanced up at you with a shrug.

“I don’t think it’s bad honestly, I mean I think we’re past TMI at this point so truthfully? Out of all the home made porn I’ve watched this is pretty good. We have nice camera angles, microphones make the sound high quality-“

“Oh yes,” you replied sarcastically, “Just what I wanna hear- your balls slapping me at the speed of light.” That earned a rather proud look from Jungkook as you huffed, looking away from him.

“I think we should post it, just to test the waters. I cut out any clips of our faces, we could still use a little work on making sure to not show our faces with our angles but I think that will take time.”

You frowned a little as you wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling unsure if this was a good idea, “...You really think it’s that good?”

Jungkook raised his brows as he turned his chair around to look at you, sensing the shift in your demeanor as he relied, “Well we don’t have too if you don’t feel comfortable with it,” he offered a small smile, “But personally? I don’t see why not. And if it doesn’t take, we can always make more, feel out what people enjoy watching more.”

In most cases you would’ve said you didn’t feel comfortable with this, with the idea of strangers on the internet masturbauting to your private sex life but...there was something so sincere and comforting in Jungkook’s eyes, maybe it was just the dom in him wanting to prioritize your comfort over anything else. You weren’t sure, but it was that look that made it okay, “Alright, what the hell.” You sighed, “I didn’t let you blow my back out for no reason.” 

Jungkook snorted as he turned his chair around, “Maybe it’s just me but I felt you clenching around me hard when you came all over my-“

“Shut up! Just because you fuck me doesn’t mean you can go into graphic detail about it! Jesus Christ!” You covered your ears, feeling hot all of sudden as you glared are Jungkook’s dumb coconut hair, though you couldn’t see his face fully you were positive there was a dumb little smirk on his lips as he hummed. God what did you get yourself into? 

You had a hard time going to bed that night, rolling around as you briefly wondered the what if, what if it was an overnight sensation? What if someone you knew recognized it was you? What if...god you’d never show your face at campus again…

“Well?” You hadn’t gotten a blink of sleep as you bounced behind Jungkook who hummed, logging in as he yawned.

“It got ten views.” Jungkook clacked his tongue before shrugging, “But I mean hey! We got two dollars!” You deflated as you smacked your forehead. That would be great if your rent was only two dollars higher rather than two hundred!

“Hey remember what I said,” Jungkook rubbed his eyes as he offered a sleepy smile, “We can always try different things, the more we post the more a viewership will build. Overnight sensations never happen anyways.” He seemed more relaxed about this then you. Sighing you collapsed on his bed as you curled up, “Well what do you propose we try next?” 

Jungkook gave it some thought as he spun his chair around to face you before shrugging, “I don’t know...I mean, not to sound sexist or anything but I think we both know pornhub is pretty male dominated in viewership…” he offered a weak smile as you shrugged, “So...I don’t know, how would you feel about forced orgasms and bondage.” 

Your head shot up to look at Jungkook’s pink cheeks as he gave a sheepish smile, choosing to not look at you as he rubbed his neck, “That took a sharp turn real fast...Maybe you shouldn’t be so vague though, a lot could happen during a scene like that.” It never failed to amuse you the way Jungkook would straighten up at the sight of your interest.

“Well, do you have any toys?” Jungkook asked as you gave him a face, “Oh come on, I won’t judge you,” he curved a brow as he gave a cocky smile, “It’s not like I haven’t blown your back out already. Do you even own any toys?” He decided to take on a new tactic as he held challenging mock in his tone, “Or were you just in that big of a drought-“

“Okay you asshole!” You glared at him as he gave a cheeky smile, “Yes I have a one. Just a bullet vibrator. Do you even own any bondage gear?” You curved a brow as he parted his lips, brows pinched almost in defense but no words escaped him.

Sighing Jungkook dropped his head in defeat, “No...but I bet we could prime some!” He suddenly jumped back up as you buried your hands against your face, “Hey I can’t help it! Most girls usually get freaked out when I try and start tying them up, I figured I’d just get proper bondage when I found someone to do it with.” 

“Oh great.” You muttered under your breath as you curled up, “Glad I could offer the opportunity.” To that Jungkook gave an endearing smile. What had you gotten yourself into? 

Despite the bondage handcuffs only taking two days to arrive, each day that passed made you more anxious, you really didn’t have a lot of time to be wasting. You and Jungkook and respectively kept your hands to yourselves meanwhile, but had discussed plenty of things, mainly camera angles, future ideas. Jungkook was sure this would work and hey, if he had that kind of faith, the very least you could do was admire it.

“You wanna use any safe words or?” Jungkook was currently straddling on top of you as he grabbed the cuffs that were laying beside you. They were leather, or faux leather- not the most comfortable feeling but durable for the next fifteen minutes.

You frowned before shrugging, “Why don’t we just use traffic lights?” It was fairly common in BDSM, “Unless you forget to check in…” you squinted a little suspiciously as Jungkook snorted, looking somewhat offended at your words.

“I always check in on my partners thank you very much-and yes that’s fine. Alright top off,” He gestured at your oversized sweatshirt, you glanced away from him as you shuffled a little, hearing him sigh as he spoke up, “It’s not like I haven’t seen boobs before- especially yours.” You scowled at him, “It doesn’t make it any less embarrassing!”

Jungkook’s nose scrunched, “How's it embarrassing?” He tilted his head looking oddly innocent despite having a vibratior laying next to him and a pair of handcuffs in his hands.

“Just take it off for me!” You blurted out before realizing what you just said, swallowing thickly before whining a little at the noise he made of contentment.

“All you had to do was ask, princess.” Jungkook’s hands were already pushing under your sweatshirt before pulling it over your head, “Awwh you were ready for me? Not even wearing anything underneath.” Jungkook was obviously setting the mood now despite the camera not being on, or maybe he was getting into his dominant head space, whatever it was it was working wonders on you.

Jungkook grabbed your hands before putting them above your head as you whined a little, “...maybe…” you squeezed your legs together in excitement, you had never had a partner use any toys on you before and, you couldn’t help but wonder how many times you’d cum in this session. Jungkook had already proven himself good in bed just by making you cum all over his dick.

You had discussed the scene in further detail yesterday, Jungkook had asked if it was okay to use fingers and tongue as well spanking and- you had embarrassingly said yes a little too fast, fast as in before he could even finish his sentence...you felt warm at just the memory or maybe it was from your binds being tightened as Jungkook hovered over you, “Is that good princess?” He whispered in your ear, you could feel the smirk coiling on his lips as you shifted.

Your thighs rubbed together and you had come prepared today in pink lacy panties that were undoubtedly wet now, “Yes...sir.” You mumbled as you heard his deep chuckle against the shell of your ear.

Sitting up right Jungkook licked his lips as his eyes slowly raked from your face, to your lips, all the way down to your chest were your nipples hardened against the cool air of the room, “Always so obedient.” He hummed as he say off of you, parting your legs a little so he could sit in between them as he asked, “Are you excited? Your clits gonna be numb by the time I’m finished.” His smile was cocky and arrogant, long gone was the sweet room mate you knew.

You wiggled your arms against your restraints as you whined a little, Jungkook’s body straightened a little before he pressed play on the camera which was held in a tripod at the edge of the bed right where you were placed.

He said it would...be perfect to see everything. 

His hands placed against your thighs as he chuckled once more, “You’re so squirmy, are you excited to cum princess?” Your thighs were practically shaking in excitement and if your face was anything to go by the answer was obvious.

You nodded frantically, opening your legs a little more for him as he clacked his tongue, “I can’t hear you princess.” 

“Please!” You immediately whined, a small smirk tugging on his lips as you continued, “I’ll be a good girl! I’ll cum when you want…!” Jungkook hummed as he pushes up the small skirt you were wearing, letting his fingers stroke against the lace as you jumped a little, trying to keep yourself from bucking against him.

“I’ll hold you to those words, little girl.” Jungkook gave you a sadistic grin and briefly, you realized he was right. Your clit wasn’t going to survive this, “I’m gonna edge this little clit of yours until you’re begging to cum. But you aren’t going to do a thing until I say so. Understand?” 

He picked up the small bullet vibrator, usually you were excited when you heard the buzz of it coming to life, today however, you knew was going to be rough, “Yes sir.” You mumbled as he pulled down your panties, tossing them to the side as he pushed your skirt up, opening your legs as he moaned a little.

“Look at you, all wet and excited at the idea of this. You know what princess,” You jumped a little at the vibrator dragging along your inner thigh, “I think you’re looking forward to this. I think you’re excited to be edged until you’re crying. Isn’t that right princess? Are you gonna be a good girl and listen to me?” 

You nodded frantically as you squirmed at the vibrator getting closer to your throbbing cunt, arousal was gushing from your entrance as Jungkook dragged a finger up your slit, inspecting his glossy finger pad before letting it drag over his tongue, a devilish smirk on his lips as you whimpered are the vibrator pushing against your entrance, “So wet baby, I could just push it right in.” 

He pushed the tip inside you, the thrum of vibrators making you squeak a whine as you tries to instinctively close your legs, Jungkook immediately stopped you, forcing your legs back open as he chuckled, pushing it a little further inside as you clenched around the small pulsing toy, “Sir! Please! Please!” You whimpered as his thumb began to circle your clit, your toes curling and your lips parting as you went to grab his hand to grind it. Your range of motion was immediately cut off by your binds as you whined.

“Oh you like that baby?” Jungkook’s lips tugged into an animated pout as he mocked, “You like your clit being rubbed while you get fucked with your little vibrator.” He pushed the vibrator half way inside you as you squeaked loudly, jamming the tip into your g-spot as you let out a loud squeal, goes curling once more as your eyes snapped shut. His thumb tenderly stroking your clit until he found your sweet spot that forced breathy whines from your lips.

“Please! Please sir! Sir! Need cum! Please! Cum!” Your body withered and it was difficult to focus on anything when the vibrator was being jammed against your g-spot and Jungkook had a certain lazy touch against your clit that had you begging.

Jungkook as if sensing you were close, immediately pulled all contact against you as you whined in objection, “Oh we’re just getting started sweetheart.” Jungkook let the smirk tug on his lips as he shifted your legs back wide open for him, “Look at this mess sweetheart,” He growled, placing the vibrator back against your wet folds as you whimpered.

Dragging it against your slick cunt you let out a sharp cry at Jungkook placing it against your delicate clit, pleasure deliciously burning in your body as you squeaked and whimpered, “Ah! Sir…! Ah please…!” You squeaked, your toes curled as you whined, your eyes snapping shut as you tried to focus on anything but cumming immediately.

Jungkook, not feeling merciful pushed a finger inside you as you whined a loud moan, your walls clenching harshly as he shoved a second finger inside you, “That’s right baby, clench. You wanna cum yeah?” He growled once more, his voice even deeper then voice. Your back was arching and your legs thrashed as you choked on your moans.

“Please! Please! Let me cum sir please!” Your voice was bubbling and frantic as your hips jerked up to meet his second finger that pushed inside you, your hips trying to fuck your self on those thick long fingers he was slowly fucking in and out of your clenching tight cunt as he slowly dragged the vibrator along your clit in search of your sweet spot.

Jungkook chuckled at the pathetic sight of your hips, “Look at you, you’re so fucking despesate to be fucked you’re even willing to do it yourself, this little pussy is clenching so hard baby do you need to cum that bad?” His lips twisted into a mocked pout as he roughly jammed his fingertips into your g-spot, the vibrator pausing on your clit as he heard the loud shriek escape you, your back arching and toes curling at the overwhelming wash of pleasure that struck through your body.

Your lips parted and your walls were rapidly clenching as you cried out, “F-fuck….! Please! Sir! Fuck! Ah…! Ah! Cum…!” Your legs were kicking as his fingers shoved back inside you, his pacing picking up a little more as pleasure burned against your sensitive bud. 

“Mm fuck, I can feel how bad you’re trying not to cum baby.” Jungkook licked his lips as the smirk formed on his mouth, his cock nearly rock hard at how tight your walls were becoming making it nearly impossible to move his fingers.

Your head was moving and your arms kept shaking as gasps and moans escaped you, it felt like a fucking demon was possessing your body due to this mans fingers shoving their way against your g-spot roughly while this vibrator continued drilling into your clit, your mind had turned to nothing but frantic cries and moans, “Cum! Please! Sir…!” You weakly begged.

A sudden gasp escaping you at the height of your pleasure, there was no way you’d be able to hold back, not with his fingers stuffing your cunt full and knowing just how to hit your sweet spot while he carefully hovered the vibrator over your clit, your thighs were jerking and your eyes snapped up before you let out a cry at everything suddenly being removed.

You kicked your legs in frustration as tears welled into your eyes, “What did I say princess?” Jungkook chuckled, leaning up to grab your face as he squished it between his hand, “You aren’t cumming until I say so.” His face went cold as he grabbed your thighs, forcing them back open as you whined, “Don’t be so fuckinf patehtic.” You jolted at the wad of spit that smacked against your dripping cunt, a loud cry escaping you ag the vibrator being shoved back inside you and aimmed directly against your g-spot, your back immediately arching as you whined as his lips attached to your clit.

His moans vibrates against your sensitive clit causing you to twitch and squirm as your lips parted at the feeling of his tongue flattening and rubbing against your bud as he stares up at you with a cocky lidded expression at the noise of your loud moans. Jungkook felt like it was music to his ears that he just needed to hear more of as he began thrusting the little bullet inside you making sure it was jabbing into your g-spot each time.

It illicted the exact reaction he had hoped for, that being your head being thrown back against the pillow and your thighs twitching as streams of moans escaped you while pleading, “F-fuck! Sir- please…! Please! Ah! Ah!” Your body was twitching in ungodly positions and he kept hearing your bonds rattle as you whimpered beneath him.

“Mmm that’s right baby, are you gonna give me your first orgasm?” Jungkook moaned as he pressed his tongue back to your little clit, flicking and playing with the little bud, “That’s it princess, I know you wanna cum.” And you sure did, your voice was high pitched and needy as your walls were rapidly clenching around the vibrator that was drilling into your g-spot.

Jungkook’s wet, warm tongue playing with your clit as he suckled against it, purposely prodding against your sweet spot before your body nearly went into shock at the orgasm you experienced. Your back arching and loud shines escaping you as you moaned, “Fuck! Fuck! Mmm! Ah! Ah…!” You had never in your life came as hard are you were right now, in fact, you were sure you blacked out for a half a second due to how amazing it was.

“Aah! Sensitive! Ah! J-sir! Sir! Yellow…!” You whined out as your legs squirmed at the overstimulation. At the sound of the yellow marker Jungkook pulled the vibrator from your cunt, letting out a soft laugh as he pressed a kiss on your inner thigh, “Mmm yellow baby? What about just another orgasm for me while you recover your guts?” Before you could even process his words his tongue was already back on your clit was a moan.

You squeaked loudly at the overstimulation once more which hurt but was admittedly much more tolerable especially after the first twenty seconds of whining before they quickly turned to moans and your legs kicking against his back as he hauled your lower body up, his fingers pushing back inside you as he moaned, “Fuck baby c’mon cum, cum all over my fingers princess I can fucking feel it.” Your eyes scrunched closed as you whimpered loudly, your body was frantically becoming overwhelmed at the feeling of his fingers fluidly thrusting, letting his pads drag over that little spongy spot that had you kicking your legs as your hips brokenly jerked against his tongue that lathed against your clit.

Your body was frantic and quickly becoming overwhelmed as you came hard once more, your toes curling and loud cries and moans escaping you as your back arched and your muscles rapidly contracted at the pure overwhelming pleasure your body was experiencing at the moment. Jungkook suckled your clit tenderly, his fingers sluggishly pumping inside you a your walls twitched and tightened around him deliciously making his cock throb in his pants, “Mmm that’s it baby, feel your tight little cunt wrapped around my fingers. How are you feeling baby?” 

Jungkook pushed his fingers fully inside you once more making you whine a little as your walls clenched around them once more. Fuck you could hardly even think with his fingers stuffing you full, “Princess,” Jungkook said in a teasing sing song voice, a third finger tracing your little hole that was stuffed with his other two fingers, “How are you feeling.” He chuckled under his breath at the feeling of your cunt rapidly squeezing around his fingers at the feeling of his index finger teasing your entrance.

Your lips were parted and drool was nearly dripping down your lips as your hips lifted a little at the feeling, wanting to be stuffed as full as possible by this man, his third finger suddenly pushing inside you making you squeak out, “Green! Ah mmm! Green fuck!” Your hips tried to fuck up against him desperately in need to be filled by more then just fingers, your body was now fucked to the point of want that fat cock inside you and at this rate you knew you were going to start begging.

“Awwh my little cum whore wants to keep going?” Jungkook mocked a baby voice as he picked back up the vibrator, purposely pumping his fingers slow as your eyes snapped shut at the feeling of being nice and full of his fingers. Cries suddenly escapes you at the vibrator feathering over your clit making your squirm, “Please…!” You legs kept clenching and your clit was hypersensitive so even the slightest touch.

Your hips jerked and squirmed as Jungkook placed the head of the vibrator back against the sweet side of your clit, nearly moaning at how harshly you reacted your walls desperately clenched as pleasure seeped into your clit with every little thrum.

Your hands were trembling and weak having given up against your restraints as you whined weakly at the feeling of three fingers roughly shoving against your g-spot. This man was wrecking your body alive and you had no choice but to take it like the little bitch you had been turned into.

Your eyes were becoming watering and your squeaks breathy and whimpered as your body twitched violently at the slight shift in the vibrator pressing into your gorged bud. It had you spiraling out of control paired with Jungkook’s rough fingers making you cry and yelp, “ah….! Fu-fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Cock! Need cock! Need!” You were kicking and sobbing, fat tears trickling down your face as you moaned rapidly at your body violently cumming, almost too much for you to handle but Jungkook skilled as ever carefully guided you through your orgasm, “That’s it babygirl, that’s it.” He cooed out, your hips following each stroke of his fingers as your body came down from its peak it had hit.

“Such a good fuckin’ girl. What was that about my cock princess?” Jungkook’s smile was cheshire-like as he quirked a brow, just drinking up those big eyes brimmed with tears as you sniffled.

Kicking your legs a little you whined, “I- I need more! Please!” You managed to roll yourself onto your stomach, the chains twisted at the bar now but you had enough room to still be comfortable as you somehow managed to push your knee’s up to support your lower half to display your destroyed pussy.

Your legs were trembling and you admittedly felt pathetic right now, one thrust and this man was probably gonna make you collapse, especially after experiencing that dummy thick fire hydrant once already.

Just the idea had your legs trembling that much more though, you were ready to be destroyed. Your body stiffened at hands cupping both cheeks of your ass, “This is pretty fucking pathetic baby.” Jungkook chuckled, a loud smack rang out as you wiggled your ass a little at the sting of his palm meeting the soft flesh, “You need my cock that fuckin’ bad?” 

“Please…!” You whined as you pressed your face against the bed, your pussy felt too empty right now clenching against nothing and you needed this man to rail you until you physically could not stand.

After a moment you let out a surprised squeal at the familiar fat cock smacking against your pussy, “Shittt baby, are you always gonna be this hungry for my dick?” Your face was burning at his whispered words in your ear, you could feel his smirk as you whined, backing against him as he moaned softly, letting his cock coat in your arousal before he lined himself up.

Jungkook wasted no time pushing inside you with ease, even anticipating it you forgot just how thick he was, biting your lip you moaned in relief at finally being filled the way you were craving. Even if you didn’t cum again you just wanted this monster cock to fill you up until you were leaking cum.

Jungkook pushed all the way inside you as he groaned, pushing his hair back as he gathered himself, “How are you feeling baby? How hard do you want me to go?” 

You were so impatient you truly couldn’t help yourself when you began fucking yourself on his cock, your lips parting at how much your walls were clenching around his large size that kept sliding inside you with so much ease, “Hard…! Fuck! Fuck me until I’m leaking your cum please sir!” 

You nearly screamed a moan at the force you were met with, your legs just as you suspected nearly crumbling like a two week old pack of crackers at the bottom of a purse from the god tier power this man was using to thrust.

His cock was slamming into you, his fat bulbous head continually jamming into your g-spot in a way his fingers couldn’t compare too as you rapidly clenched around him. The sound of his balls slapping on your skins and moans mixed together could beat your hands any day of the week, “You’re such a horny little slut.” Jungkook snapped as he slammed his hand against your ass making you cry out. Your legs violently trembling and aching in pain as he growled, “I made you cum until you're about to pass out and it isn’t enough baby? You still need this fat dick filling you up? You cock hungry little whore.” 

Jungkook, keenly noticing how excited you were vocally but your body failing to keep up he quickly eliminated this problem. Grabbing both your thighs you were confused for a brief moment before letting out a loud squeal at the way he picked them both up leaving your upper body in the air and left mercilessly at his force allowing him to thrust into you that much harder.

Your lips fell open at the way he was forcing your hips to bounce on his clock roughly, his fat shaft sliding in and out of your soaked cunt that sucked him back in desperately each time, “Fuck! Fuck…! Ju- sir! Sir! Mmm! Cock! F-fu-fuck.” 

You couldn’t even spew a sentence out anymore with your head filled with only thoughts of how he was holding your entire lower body up by your thighs and just kept drilling into your cunt like you were a feather weight. Drool was spilling your lips and you could no longer speak. Only able to make whined and moans now.

“That’s it baby, are you too fucked out on my cock to speak? Hm? Are you turned into a brain dead little cock monster now? My insatiable little cum dumpster.” All of his degradation was just fueling your further and further to the brink of an orgasm that your body was in no shape to handle.

His cock didn’t relent though, contially drilling into you like no tomorrow as he growled, “Fuck! You want me to use this little hole like a cum dump baby? Want me to make it nice and full.” You were filled with excitement all different kinds of whines escaping you making Jungkook’s moan, forcing your hips to bounce on his cock, his shaft rubbing against your g-spot with each stroke causing your body to contort and squirm, the orgasm flooded your body had you sobbing and whining, briefly black filtered your eyes before you opened them to feel hot liquid entering your body as Jungkook moaned, his hips lifting in chase of your cunt that sucked every little drop form him body. His body was floating on a euphoric high he had a difficult time coming down from when your cunt was clenched around him so hard.

He let his head drop a little as his cock began to soften, slowly slipping out of you before he set down your thighs, tucking himself back into his sweatpants Jungkook leaned over to grab the key off the nightstand he moved up a little more to undo your bonds and a small smile threatened to break on his lips at the sight of your completely fucked out face.

Your thighs were harshly trembling and you could hardly formulate a sentence let alone a single word, Jungkook whistled as he laughed, a hand tenderly rubbing into your hair, “You are so fucked out sweetheart.” He leaned down pressing a kiss against your forehead, “Let me go get a cloth and a towel to clean you up with okay baby? How does a nice hot bath sound.” 

“I’m- I’m not completely useless…” you somehow spewed out an objectification making him laugh, “I- I can…” you grabbed the toy before slowly wobbling out of the bed.

“Woah woah woah.” Jungkook scrambled out of bed after you, your legs wobbling and you immediately knew there was no way you could possibly stand. Jungkook quickly scooped you up as he looked down at you bewildered, “I just rearranged all your intestines, you seriously think you could walk after that let alone stand.” 

You pressed your face into his shoulder letting out a muffled giggle, embracing the skin ship that was much needed, “Yeah I just have this massive chicken brain that needs proof that it was good enough.”

“Good enough…?” Jungkook scrunched his face not understanding.

“Yeah it’s like my head needs proof that my body actually got destroyed.” You giggled against at Jungkook’s expression that was so obviously at a loss of what to say, having obviously never heard that before.

“...and was it proved…?” He quirked a brow.

“Clearly.” You looked at him before his arms that had you scooped against him causing you both to laugh once more as he placed you back on the bed were you nearly crumpled up immediately.

“Then stay there for real, I don’t wanna come back to seeing you sprawled out all over the floor because you needed hardcore proof.” You waved him off before shouting for him to bring water.

When Jungkook came back shortly after he snorted at the sight of you having made yourself comfortable on his bed, not only that but wearing his sweatshirt as well, “I turned off the camera by the way. My throat is so dry! Gimme.” You raised your arms as you grabbed the bottle from him as you opened it, closing your eyes as the cool liquid slid down your throat as Jungkook sat between your legs as you felt the urge to smile.

“...Did you get cum all over my bed?” Jungkook’s eyes darted around his comforter suspiciously as you shrugged, making him eye you suspiciously.

“Please- I feel like I’m a fucking gyno appointment right now, do I need to clean myself now too?” You whined kicking your legs a little, your pussy was literally right out in the open and this man could only focus on why you weren’t leaking?

Jungkook reluctantly began cleaning what left over cum remained in your thighs as he asked, “Did you stand up again?” 

“I didn’t!” You protested, lips parted in offense that he really thought you’d pull another chicken brain moment. Jungkook only rolled his eyes, a smile threatening to tug on his lips as he stood back up, tossing the rag into his laundry hamper before walking over to his dresser. Putting the bottle of water on the nightstand you briefly admired Jungkook’s physique, his waist narrow compared to his broad shoulders and muscles sculpting his back….you knew he was kind of a gym rat but given he was always in such billowing clothes you never realized how defined he was. 

If you were gonna make porn for the next two years you were glad you at least had a hot partner to do it with. Jungkook pulled the large shirt over his head.

You popped up into your forearms when he began disassembling the camera equipment making you pout, “Hey! What happened to my aftercare and bath I was promised?” 

“God you are such a pillow princess after sex, I never would’ve thought.” Jungkook crawled up onto the bed before collapsing on top of you, making you laugh as you closed your eyes, “You know I did all the work this time.” 

“Voluntarily might I add-“ you pointed as Jungkook rolled off you only for you to attach yourself back against him, “Also I didn’t realize you were THAT fit like seriously, you fucked my entire lower body up in the air. It really was a porno moment.” You snorted at the sight of Jungkook’s ears turning red and his cheeks looking a little pink at the compliment.

He shrugged a little, unable to say anything or more like he was just too shy to. Regardless he pulled out his laptop and lap stand already excited to edit the video despite just creating it. Yawning you crawled on top of him, collapsing against his chest as you closed your eyes, really wanting that bath but also incredibly tired. 

Jungkook had straight away begun editing through the clips, watching them back over before his mind began to wander...Sliding through the time stamps Jungkook let it go at the end of the clip, watching you wobble as you stood on your knees on the bed. He furrowed his brows in confusion though a little amused at the way your legs wobbled up to the camera. Oh you must’ve been going to…

He mouth parted at watching you take the camera off the tripod, aiming it at your legs before spreading them to show off the white sticky substance leaking from your cunt before your fingers scooped it up, pulling the camera up to your neck and only your mouth was visible showing off the cheeky smile you had as you plopped your fingers into your mouth, sucking them clean before popping them out of your mouth before the screen went black.

Jungkook was partially speechless and admittedly a little hard, it was tempting to not ask if you genuinely didn’t have any experience in sex work. Jungkook twisted to look down at you, deciding to interrogate only for his expression to fall at the sight of you slumped on top of him, your eyes shut and he felt a little bad at how much you wanted aftercare. 

Pushing a strand of hair from your face he made a mental note to make up for it in the morning. Going back to editing he placed one hand in your head as he tenderly stroked your scalp. This would be posted in no time.

You loved aftercare, you always craved it after a nice round of rough sex even if it was a one night stand. It was just payment for letting a man spit in your face and call you a whore- quite literally. Jungkook, wasn’t the greatest aftercare but hey, he was making it up this morning. He had gotten you a bath drawn first thing in the morning, massaged your back, gave little kisses all over your skin. You were in heaven. 

“Is this making up for me being a horrible partner last night,” You were laid out, sleepily with your eyes closed as Jungkook tenderly worked his palms back on your shoulder blades, “I saw what you did by the way. Not impressed.”

You tucked your tongue into your cheek as you smiled playfully, looking up at him over your shoulder, his head shaking as you giggled, “I thought it was a great touch to end the video. And yes, this makes up for it but I’ll only let it slide once, I’m a big aftercare slut which means you put me first before our videos. No exceptions.” 

“Even if we’re desperate for money and need a video up quickly?” Jungkook raised his brows, obviously amused at your dim expression, a wad of the blanket was set for your chin to rest on as your lips jutted a little. 

“No exceptions. Especially after a session like that!” You whined, admittedly you didn’t care that much, it was late at night and you were passed out anyways but still, you needed to make that clear if this continued in the future, you liked being held and told a lot of praise. It was the only way you didn’t feel gross after sex. 

“Fine fine! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were such a needy baby,” You squirmed at Jungkook pinching your waist making you jump, “What? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”

“No! No! No!” You screeched at his fingers relentlessly prodding your sides as you squirmed up, pulling the sweatshirt down as you glared at him, “Get off of me!” You whined pushing him away, “I’m fine! I’m great! No need for anymore.” You rubbed your sides with another pout. 

Jungkook snorted as he leaned back on his hands, “That’s what I thought.” Leaning over he grabbed his laptop off the nightstand, crawling over you collapsed against his side as he typed in the password for your account. 

You didn’t expect much truthfully until your eyes lit up at the 10+ notifications you had, “Looks like our luck is up this time!” You bounced in excitement as Jungkook clicked on it only for yours lips to drop. 

33,623 Views

“No way!” Your jaw dropped as you scrambled for your phone, Jungkook just as shocked as you as he scrolled down through the notifications of people commenting and sharing the video. There was no coming back from this at all. You couldn’t help but feel daunted at the greasy comments people left. 

Your brows shooting up as you logged into your joint account, “How much did we make?” Jungkook asked, his lips parted as he clicked through the account attempting to find the salary you both had made. 

“We...definitely covered the cost of our rent.” You could hardly even speak as Jungkook leaned over your shoulder to peer at your screen, over six thousand dollars in the account at the moment, you could do a lot with that kind of money…

Jungkook could hardly believe it himself as he leaned back on his hands, letting out a breath before running a hand through his hair, “Holy shit.” 

It was silent between you both, still staring in disbelief at the money piled in your bank account before you looked at him, “We’re totally eating out tonight, at one of those bougie ass restaurants. My pussy earned it.” 

Jungkook let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head as he gave you a smile, “Fair, not too fancy though, they’ll think we robbed a bank.” You couldn’t help but giggle, feeling relieved as you collapsed against the bed. You could totally do this, and when it was all said and done. You could just delete your account and it’d all be over

[hybeboyenthusisast]

Background Character Vibes: 27. Sweeter than Any Macaroon

A Choi Yeonjun x Reader smau

Rating: 18+ for swearing, mentions of alcohol and drugs, and eventual smut

Disclaimer: Ages of real people have been adjusted to suit the story better. MINORS DNI!

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SYNOPSIS: Y/N is always the sidekick and never the hero. It's always about her friends and their drama, but she doesn't mind. It's better to just be quiet and blend in when your brother is THE Jungkook, the most popular singer of last year. With spring semester of her junior year of university approaching, yn is not ready for classes or for her crush Choi Yeonjun to notice her.

Or, Yeonjun finds himself captivated by the quiet psychology student that keeps rejecting Soobin's request to become a tutor.

DONT MISS THE WRITTEN PART BELOW ♥

You were excited to see your boyfriend more than you were excited to study, and more than you were excited to see his surprise. However kind and thoughtful, you were enchanted by him all on his own, and it was always his mere existence that set your heart aflame every time you thought of him or looked at him. If you were being honest with yourself, you were feeling rather down the past day or so. While everything going on with Dispatch and your brother was happening, you felt constantly supported by your friends and by your brother, Taehyung, and Sunoo. But, you didn’t have the support of your boyfriend, because he couldn’t know. Not just yet. You were terrified of telling him who your brother really is to begin with, and now that there’s the chance someone is trying to see your reaction to find out if you are truly Jungkook’s sister? Extremely terrified. You trusted Yeonjun enough to believe he was not the person behind everything, but you were worried someone was using him without his knowledge.

You desperately wanted to be comforted by your boyfriend and told comforting things, but there was just no way to have these things without putting yourself at even more risk for your whole life to just... explode. So, you had been pretty down. You were sure you were doing your best to hide it, as none of your friends had mentioned anything about your behavior or your attitude lately, and they were doing their usual check-ins to see how you were doing. Zoa, of course, always knew when something was up with you, and you knew that she knew you were feeling sad, but she was kind enough to not bring it up. Your best friend for so many years, the owner of a tattoo matching your own, she knew that you were upset because you couldn’t go to your boyfriend about everything going on. 

Yeonjun also hadn’t picked up on your less perky than normal attitude, or at least, that’s what you were thinking. When you met him at the library in the same spot where you had always tutored him, he sat at the table waiting for you while playing a game on his laptop (you could hear the sounds of the game as you approached). On the table with his laptop was his backpack, books, a notebook, and a small box that had birds and flowers on the lid.

 “Are you winning?” You place your backpack on the table next to his, moving to stand behind him and wrap your arms around his shoulders and neck, giving him a small squeeze. You weren’t sure what game he was playing, as it was one you had never seen him playing before, but you really cared more about the feeling of his lips on your skin as he dipped his head down briefly to kiss one of your arms.

“Oh, I definitely am. I’m winning in the game too. Give me a minute, yeah? Then I’m all yours,” though you couldn’t see his face, you knew he was smiling. Just picturing his beautiful smile had you melting. You watched in silence as his player ran across the screen, picking up objects and throwing them down. The retro sound effects and music, as well as the graphics, made you want to tease him for being older than you, but you opted to keep quiet and run your hands through his hair. True to his word, he finished the level of his game within a minute or so, and as soon as he was finished, he shifted in his seat to face you as much as he could.

His hands grabbed yours and tugged on you gently, pulling you into his lap so he could hold you close. His warmth was definitely welcome in the cold of the library, and his warm lips were almost a necessity. You really could never get enough of his kisses. Pressing your lips against his, Yeonjun hummed happily as he gripped your waist and kissed you back eagerly. Little pecks turned to open mouth kisses, to your tongues fighting for dominance, to you straddling him as you made out.

Kissing him was so addicting, as was the feeling of his skin against yours, his lips on your neck. You found yourself constantly craving him, craving more and more, and you were sure that if he hadn’t been the one to pull away from the kiss when you started grinding against his hardening bulge, you might have just fucked him right there in the library.

“Baby,” Yeonjun kept his eyes closed, fingers digging into your flesh as he cupped your ass. “Trust me, I wanna keep going. So fucking bad. But I really do need your help studying.” You pressed a kiss against his forehead, and he sighed contently before opening his eyes to gaze into yours. His pupils were blown out and he looked wild, absolutely dripping with sex appeal and desire. You knew if you ignored his wishes and kept kissing him, he would eventually give into you, but you knew better than to be selfish and, well, an asshole.

Finding your seat across the table from Yeonjun, the two of you took a couple seconds to catch your breath and to calm yourselves down. “If you do well on your test, then we can finish what we’ve started here,” you teased your boyfriend as you began taking your laptop and study supplies out of your bag.

“Oh! Before we start, I told you I got you a surprise!” Yeonjun beamed at you, positively elated with his present for you and your reaction. He nudged the box covered in birds and flowers towards you and leaned over the table to kiss you. “For our three week anniversary, and because I know you’ve been feeling down lately.”

“How did you know?” You were surprised to learn he was aware of your recent emotional turmoil. You were sure he had no idea, but maybe he was just very good at respecting your privacy and understanding you all at the same time. “You never said anything about it.”

“I didn’t wanna overstep, I figured you would, and hopefully will, tell me what’s going on when you’re ready to. So, I’m not asking you to explain what’s going on or demand you come to me when you’re feeling sad. I respect you and your boundaries, and I will be here for you to hold you and kiss you and comfort you when you do come to me. Until you do though, I’ll do my best to make your days a little bit happier. So, I hope this little present helps with that.”

Your eyes were watering at his explanation, and you were so sure you were almost truly, fully in love with the man you had only known for a few months, had only dated for three weeks. You knew others would say it was too soon for love at all, but you knew real love does not exist on a timeline. You were scared for your continously growing feelings of love for Yeonjun, but you were so excited to feel something so strong. And maybe, just maybe, this absolute kindness and respect Yeonjun was demonstrating for you meant he was feeling all the same.

“Thank you,” you leaned over the table to kiss him once more. He chuckled, squishing your cheeks as he nodded at the box on the table.

“You haven’t even opened it, princess,” his hands found yours and guided them to the box. He was so excited for you to open it. And when you did, you gasped and that’s when the tears fell. Inside the small box was white and pink macaroons, your favorite sweet treat, and beautiful pink flowers, possibly carnations and tiny roses. It was beautiful and so sweet, so god damn romantic. You honestly had never enjoyed a study session so much before, but sharing macaroons with the man you were falling in love with was one hell of a way to learn.

Background Character Vibes Taglist, (OPEN!!): @carateum1 @yunyunatz @staysstrays @ashxxkook @junnmizz @gyufemboy @ioszzn @imcoenffl @130999 @qghosty @hwasatiny @arizejkt19  @yla-aira  @kajysstuff @igotkpoops @knisterlicht​ @nishmrriki​