#i also want to delete everything and disappear forever

[stellatenuem]

:(

[flowerandblood]

hiatus

I thought I might be able to write something now, but my priorities have changed so much that I feel like I need to focus on my new book publication now, my husband's PhD, and the fact that we're going to be parents in June. I haven't felt this good in a long time: my inspiration has left me when it comes to writing stories, but it's come back in my professional life, which is very important to me. My husband and I are closer than ever, so I want to focus on my real life to the fullest: I already regret that when I had a difficult time I waited so long to tell him what was going on inside me, instead sitting in front of the computer and writing, pushing him away so as not to burden him with my sadness.

Writing has given me two things: wonderful, devoted readers and the feeling that I can write an interesting story, and I will always be eternally grateful for that. I'm not going to delete this blog and I'm not saying that I'm disappearing forever or that I'll never write anything again: I just don't know when or if I will. I know you will understand this, as always, because I have managed to surround myself with very warm and kind people.

Tumblr also has a dark side for me though, and there is something in it that currently repels me every time I log in here. Some time ago I came to the conclusion that what I read here (I am not talking about stories, but text posts) makes me uncomfortable and often does not even stand close to "openness, equality and all other human values" as some people think.

I think that at some point in my time here I was a bad person, especially when I was involved in various dramas or when I got angry about things that, from my current perspective, were absurd: I allowed myself to be manipulated, but I also willingly distracted myself from the fact that I felt useless to my husband, myself and the whole world.

I found my happiness (a real one) only when I told my husband about everything that was going on inside me, and he offered me the support and understanding I needed. It happened before our vacation in Romania and, what a surprise, when all the stress went away and I finally rested by his side, after a month I was already pregnant with the child I had so longed for.

Every once in a while I'll probably let you know what's up and how I'm doing: I probably won't be in private messages anymore, but that doesn't mean that if you write to me, I'll never write back. Thank you for letting me go through the hardest period of my life with you.

See you soon!

[appleblueberry-pie]

Sweet Yandere Satoru Gojo Headcanons

I want to steer away from the regular Yandere Satoru Gojo for a second. I feel it is very common for us to believe that he is, in fact, deranged, selfish, hilarious, confident in his caretaking abilities, and nearly unbearable to be around.

But I also believe in Yandere Gojo Satoru, who almost seems like a sweet angel to you. I mostly want to pull this thought from when he was in high school so that you understand what I mean.

When you two first meet after the last class of the day, Shoko and Suguru already left him behind, not wanting to see him blend his possibilities of ever pulling a girl into a mango smoothie to be digested and never return.

You had your stuff packed and heaved your stuff onto one shoulder before you felt a soft tap on your other. You turn to face Gojo, your classmate you just met this morning and see how shy he looks. It feels like a thousand pounds weigh on his eyeballs to keep him from looking up at you. You're so beautiful, and he stared enough at you for this whole day. But for you two to link eyes??? He doesn't think he'd stand it. He's so scared to speak up.

"..........um......." His voice is soft and a little wobbly. He picks at his fingers. You tilt your head in concern, questioning his behavior. "Gojo?" God, he wants you to say his name again. He glances up at you, bringing his eyes back to the floor. But then immediately looks back up, linking eye contact. The tension in his face visibly disappears when he finally lifts his head to meet your gaze. His eyes are so pretty, you think to yourself. "Um.......oh...I-I just wanted to ask if we can be friends...? It's ok if not."

From then, a (slightly twisted) beautiful relationship bloomed. Gojo loved to watch you sleep. It was his form of therapy. Just watching you snore, vulnerable, and relaxed made him want to be with you. He wanted to breathe the air that you exhaled. He wanted to be in your skin forever to stay warm, in the comfort of your body for as long as he could.

He sighs longingly as he stares at you outside of your window. He looked very weird standing alone on the outskirts of the dorm rooms, peeking into a blocked window.

Everyone knew that he liked you. And everyone assumed that you knew that he liked you. It was hard not to see it. Every time you left, his eyes glossed over as if he were departing for college away from his parents for the first time. And when you came back, his grin held the shine of a thousand sun's, eyes twinkling in the sunlight.

He always bought and/or brought snacks for you, knowing you liked them. Whatever you wanted, he got for you, unless you gave him explicit directions not to. Chocolate? Chips? Gummie snacks? Cookies? Specific crackers? Seltzer water? What flavour?? He has 7 different kinds.

He learned to drive just to take you places. It felt like little dates, but you never thought too much about it. If you needed help with homework, he always knew exactly how to teach you how to do it. Need help with training? He'll spar you for as long as you like. Need a change of clothes? You can use his, and he'll take yours to wash them for you. No?? Too weird????? He'll apologize profusely, scared to death. He didn't want to ruin what you two had.

If anyone speaks about you in any way....platonically or romantically, he won't do anything in that moment. He'll pout. Hard. Keep silent and glare at whoever is talking. Will imagine killing them, but would never do so. He knows it would affect you and your relationship with said person, and the last thing he wants is to make you unhappy. The most he'll do is hack all of this person's personal accounts on their phone or computer or just delete everything they have in general. He'll be petty. He would probably get to harming people when he's in his mid-twenties. But we're not there.

You kind of like him, too. He's so bright, his energy is attractive, and he gives you so much attention and affection. It's hard to turn that down. You love how honest he is.

You try not to get lost in his eyes, knowing you'd never come back. His puppy eyes are so killer. You can never ever say no to him. No to cuddles?? "Pleeaaaasseee?" He'll softly say, a soft frown on his face, big big blue eyes distracting you from your homework. You turn away from him immediately to not fall in, but it's too late.

"Satoru...." You trail off. But then you sigh and get out of your seat, and he gives you that pretty smile once more.

You tell yourself that he's so cute more than you'd like to admit. You realized that you have a crush when he drove you out to the beach, burgers in hand while you sat on the warm sand. He turns to you with that nice smile once more and says how nice this is to be alone and spend time with you.

You turn to him and recognize his white eyelashes kissing his cheeks. His cheeks had a soft red blush to them when he realized you were staring. And his lips that you forced yourself to look away from. His white hair that framed his face, his eyes that made you smile whenever wrinkles showed at the corner. I think I love him, you say to yourself internally.

You look back down to your burger, quietly adjusting the tomatoes on there. "Yeah." This time, your eyes gloss over, and you keep silent. Satoru takes a bite of his burger, and the waves continue crashing.

[voltronisanobsession]

Hi hello! I hope your having a good day

This might be a little boring but what about a Percy x reader childhood friends to lovers?

Percy had a fat crush on reader growing up (and never gets over them) but then he was swept away to camp half blood so suddenly so he didn’t have time to say anything to reader, and because of the no cellphone rule at camp reader is like all up in their feels thinking their best friend just left without telling them. So when reader sees Percy at school in the winter they kinda avoid him assuming that he was doing the same, basically they drift apart.

But a year or two later, it turns out reader is also a Demi god just found out later in life maybe a child of Apollo or smt, so they come to camp and they see Percy and suddenly everything is making sense, like why he left on such a short notice why he never contacted them, etc. then Percy and reader just have this little catch up where they realize they still have feelings for each other ,but are maybe too nervous to admit because they don’t wanna ruin their friendship again?

It’s so cliché I know, but I’m such a sucker for the childhood friends to lovers trope.

Percy with a Childhood Friend

Omg this is so CUTE ARGGH!! This is my second time writing this cuz I accidentally deleted everything the first time </3

It’s a little long since I wanted to somewhat incorporate a story🔥 not proofread🔥🔥

Edit: I finished proofreading this and DAMN there were a lot of errors💀💀 do not write when ur about to pass out guys💀

This is literally the cutest idea EVER!!

You guys would totally become friends because of your mutual confusion with school💀 Like you both bond over struggling with school and immediately grow closer

Since he could remember, Percy always had a harder time learning the materials in school and was outcasted for it in a way

So when you sit next to him during recess and start talking to him out of nowhere, he knows you guys are gonna be stuck with each other for a long time

Since you're basically his first friend, in like forever, he can't help the growing feeling he has for you

The way you brightly smile at him when he asks for help on a reading he can’t quite seem to grasp, or the way you patch him up after getting into a fight with one of the bullies

You’re just like the light in his life, you’re warm presence immediately settling his anxiousness

You guys are stuck together like glue and no one can seem to separate you both, something that many have tried to do

Percy believes that nothing can get better than this honeymoon phase in your friendship, swearing that he’s going to confess his small crush on you and everything😭

Until he’s kicked out of school and your family moves away and you begin attending Yancy Academy💀💀

Percy is obviously just as heart broken as you

So for the next few years, Percy faces all these new schools alone and gets kicked out of all them

And when he’s sent to Yancy Academy and finally reunited with you again, he quite literally JUMPS on you

Like this boy is SO HAPPY to see you omg

That spark never left between the two of you and you both make up for lost time

So while school is still the same, getting to see you everyday now is a game changer for Percy

The buried feelings come back full force, your warm and bright smile still making him feel gooey inside after all this time

And you’re just as nervous to him too cuz AHHH!! Childhood crush is back!!

Of course we all know how this ends, Percy is unfortunately kicked out of school again and you’re both heartbroken in the end

Percy leaves mysteriously while you’re wondering where he went

You question Grover on the boys disappearance, the satyr giving you a nervous look while saying Percy didn’t feel quite right attending the school

Which confused and hurt you because Percy had said you made going to this prison worth it

Percy never got to say his goodbyes and is suddenly dragged into the half blood life, continuing his life with danger at every corner

Even after going on all these exciting and dangerous quests, years later Percy will never be able to stop his mind from straying to the one he let get away

He feels regret for the most part and probably thinks you hate him for leaving you so suddenly💀

He often wonders what your doing

Maybe your reading a book from that one author you like

Or maybe you’ve picked up a new hobby. Last time he saw you, you did mention you’ve had this strong urge to learn archery

School starts again and Percy is once again sent to a new school

He’s already anticipating going to camp next year but is immediately caught off guard when he sees you in the distance in one of the school halls

It’s LITERALY like time slows down

His eyes widen when he makes eye contact with you, the light hitting your face in a certain angle that makes you look ethereal

He feels his heart speeding up when your recognize him from the distance

Your face is scrunched up in confusion and then hurt, quickly looking away from him and walking down a different hallway

He’s so happy to see a familar face that he doesn’t even think about how you might be feeling after not seeing him these past few years

Percy looks different. Hes way taller than he was before. His hair is longer and messier, but makes it work. His face is more defined, skin glowing even under the florescent lights

You can’t deny the way your heart skipped a beat at seeing Percy again but everything crumbles down when you remember his unannounced departure from Yancy Academy

‘He could’ve at least told me’ you bitterly think while slamming your locker

Yeah you would avoid him like the plague while school’s in session

Walking in the opposite direction when you see him and avoiding his eyes when he tries to get your attention during class

It isn’t until when a monster interrupts the formal winter dance that you finally speak to him

Percy is trying his best to fight off the monster when it knocks him to the ground with a force that has him hackling for air

That’s when you come to the rescue

“Percy get down!”

“Y/N?!”

With a bow and arrow in hand, you aim for the beast with such precision and confidence, he stares in amazement as you single handily slay the monster with one arrow

He unfortunately has to flee the scene when he hears people barreling down the hallways, anxious to see all the commotion he caused

Yeah he gets to camp early that year💀

And when this guy sees you at camp during the summer, everything suddenly clicks in his head

The way you could see the monster and WERENT affected by the mist

Your scary accurate hit with a bow that seemingly came out of nowhere

And even the way the sun would shine in your favor in random moments

When you see Percy though, your confusion is maxed out. Was this why he left? Why you were never able to get ahold of him?

Yeah things are a little awkward during this time

While you’re put into the Apollo cabin after being claimed and adjusting to camp, Percy finds a hard time to talk to you

He’s SUPER excited knowing you’re a half blood too

He doesn’t have to worry about keeping any secrets from you and can tell you all about his journey throughout the years!!!

But fate seems to pull you and him further apart, bit by bit

He’s forced to hear your contagious laughter from afar during dinner, watching with soft eyes as your siblings surround you, nudging you suggestively when they catch him staring at you

You look over to him and send him a shy smile, in which he would perk up at finally getting your attention :D

After that night, things get a little easier

He’s still dragged away whenever he tries to approach you, but now he isn’t the only one trying to talk

You both wave whenever you see each other

Percy still stares at you whenever a camper tries asking him a question

While you try to walk up to him, he’s magically bombarded by other campers crowding him

He would push past them all to finally get to you after you nod your head to the side, urging him to follow you

“Yeah you know what guys? How about we catch up with this during the campfire! Yeah yeah, totally, see ya!”

He’s jogging up to you as you both walk the shore

“Well aren’t you popular here.” You say with a sly smile

“Oh yeah, I’m kinda known around camp. I’ve had a few uh, memorable, moments.” This dude is blushing like crazy cuz FINALLY! He’s finally alone with you!

After settling everything between you two, once again you’re stuck together

Training together despite your different weapons, doing activities together is a new norm

Except things are different this time

Percy isn’t the shy boy he was when he was young

He’s more confident and wants to make his intentions know to you

While he shows you how to use his sword during training, you guys already know he’s placing his hands over yours to show you the ‘correct placement’

So sly teehee

During the art and craft activities , he’s suggesting you guys to make a matching bracelet

His smooth flirting isn’t missed by you and you’re literally having a HEARTATTACK

You aren’t used to Percy being so bold, buts it’s honestly such a nice change of pace

He would definitely confess his feelings after dinner near the shore

And despite his suave attitude the past weeks, he’s so clumsy when he reveals his feelings for you

“So um, I like y- wait. Ok ok, sorry. What I wanted to say is that like, I like you. A lot actually. For a while. And you know it’s completely fine if you don’t, but I hope you like me the same because this would be really embarrassing for me-“

“Percy! It’s ok um! I like you too. A lot.”

It’s SUPER CHEESY BUT LIKE

COME ON

HES GIVING YOU PUPPY DOG EYES WHEN YOU SAY THAT AND UGH

He’s would totally lift you up and spin you around because he’s so HAPPY

Bro finally got his crush😭😭

He’s so sweet to you like bro

Always hyping you up during mock battles, cheering you on during camp games even if you’re aren’t on the same team

You already know he’s willing to lay down his life for you😭

And you wouldn’t hesitate to do the same even if he begs you not to say that (he doesn’t want to even think of the thought of you leaving him)

He’s an extremely affectionate person, pda is his middle name

If you aren’t that comfortable with pda though, he’ll settle with just holding your hand. He’ll just cuddle you later in private😻🔥🔥

But of course you guys are still best friends so you both would still clown the other if one of you does something stupid

He would love it if you play with his hair

He would be sitting in front of you during the campfire while you’re on a log seat when you brush some hair away from his face.

You rub his head a bit and Percy would lean his head into your hands.

When you’re done you pull away only for your boyfriend to bring your hands back to his hair, silently asking you to continue (UGHHHH MY HEART)

Sally loves you and is supportive of you guys (your number one supporter)

She invites you to have dinner with them and how could you refuse😩

Percy is so down bad for you and always brags about how long you both have known each other and how close you are

Like no one cares but he’ll just keep and talking about you to anyone around

Sometimes when you bunk in his cabin for a night or two, he likes talking about the past and how far you’ve both come

It’s during these nights where he’ll get emotional, maybe cry because he’s so grateful he has you in his life

You would kiss his tears away (SCREAMING)

Overall, childhood friends to lovers works out PERFECTLY with Percy. He values your friendship as much as he values your relationship

He knows you better than anyone in your life, has seen different versions of yourself and has always stuck by your side, through thick and thin💔

[e-hv]

Maybe

this is a repost cause i deleted most of my fics except up which was for a friend

Alexia Putellas X Reader

Tw: Cheating ,Angst

Summary: Maybe in another life

“I never thought i’ll see you with out me ,but i also never thought i’ll be seeing you at your wedding marrying her. My best friend”

You were going through your mail in the morning when you saw an the invitation, from Jane to her wedding with Alexia. You decided you weren’t going to go, unfortunately the universe had other plans for you. When you got to the training grounds, your teammates were already talking about Alexia’s wedding. You knew about her engagement to Jane, after all it happened right after Barcelona won the champions league, the proposal for all to see including you.

You greet your teammates and went to stretch, but when Alexia came in and reminded the girls to RSVP for the wedding before 25th of June, and then asked you if you received the invitation for Jane it was when it all went downhill. You said yes , but that you were not going to the wedding.

She had the nerve to ask why and stated that Jane was your best friend and really wanted you to come, and that you shouldn’t hold grudges for things that didn’t really matter. You told her that you had made your decision and that you weren’t going, when Mapi chimed in, that you should come to the wedding, it’s childish to not come to your best friends wedding just because you used to date Alexia. You didn’t want to hear anymore stupid reasons so you just said you will RSVP today after training, and walked to the weights.

It was the day of the wedding ,you wore a simple dress and attended it. When it was time for the wedding ceremony you wondered if it was too late to walk out, but you decide against it. When they exchange their vows you wanted to cry, because everything Alexia said you thought would be said at your wedding with her. But you took a deep breath, and blink to get rid of the tears, after the Wedding ceremony, Jane and Alexia went up to you, you gave them your well wishes and congratulated them on their marriage even though you wish they would just disappear from your life.

“Maybe it’s my fault for believing in you”

“Hey hermosa, what are you reading.” Alexia asked.

“I’m reading a book, where the girl gets dumped by her girlfriend for her best friend.”

“Why are you reading a book like that ?”

“Dunno, was just feeling sad, but I know you won’t do that to me.”

“Of course, not why would you ever think, that i’ll never leave you it’s you and me forever.”

Alexia said, and you believed her, because why would she lie, in your eyes she was the perfect girl, who you couldn’t believe loved you.

“Maybe it’s my fault for falling into that day.”

It was your first day at Barcelona, you wanted to make a good impression on your teammates. Hence why you were, looking at your phone trying to find the locker room. When you trip and fell into someone, they spilled their coffee. It was Alexia, you apologized profusely, she said it was okay and asked if you were the new signing to which you said yes to. She asked if you needed help finding the locker room and you said yes.

“ Maybe i shouldn’t have trust you when you said you’ll love me forever”

It was your one year anniversary, you and Alexia had reservations for an expensive restaurant. You decided you were going to tell her you love her today. You decided to wear a black dress and when Alexia saw you you knew it was the right decision because she couldn’t stop staring at you. When you got to the restaurant, you took a seat at your table and asked Alexia how lunch with Mapi was she said it was fun, and she had a great time talking to her. When the waiter came she ordered for both of you. She was in the middle of telling you about a football tactic she thought of when you blurted out, “I love you.” She stop talking, and just stared at you, you took that as a bad sign and immediately said, “I’m so sorry you just looked so pretty talking about something your so passionate about and I wasn’t thinking straight, but you don’t need to say it back but I just wanted you to know I love you.” you quicly say.

Alexia gazed into your eyes and said, “You don’t need to worry about me not saying it back, I was pretty sure I was in love with you after our first date, and I know I’ll love you forever, I’ll never hurt you.”

And you trusted her, because she was the first person you said I love you too and if you were that in love with her you decided that you should be able to trust her especially when she said stuff like.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have ask you for your number to buy you the coffee i made you spilled”

After your first day at Barcelona, you asked Alexia for her number so you could buy her another coffee to make up for the one you made her spill. She said it was a date, and you blushed. She gave you her number and you asked her if she wanted to meet you Saturday morning to get coffee and she agreed. You guys talked a lot, it was you mostly asking her about what Barcelona was like and her replying. After you pated ways she texted you asking you out on an official date.

“Maybe i shouldn’t have introduced you to her”

You were having lunch with Jane she came to Barcelona to see you. You guys were talking when she ask to meet Alexia she said she wanted to see the girl who captured your heart. You told her you’ll introduce Alexia to her on Wednesday. You asked Alexia is she wanted to meet Jane and she said sure. So you introduced them on Wednesday and they talked the whole time basically ignoring you. But you told yourself it was normal as Alexia was just trying to get to know Jane because she was your best friend and vice versa.

“Maybe i shouldn’t have asked you to spend time with me Maybe i shouldn’t have asked you to buy me flowers during valentines Or maybe i shouldn’t have been a fool to think that you not doing romance or spending time with me was just how you were “

It was valentines day, you asked Alexia if she wanted to do something with you. She said that she had to call someone and was busy. So you decided to read instead, when you saw that Alexia was going out, you ask her where she was going she said she was going to the supermarket and you asked her if she could buy you flowers. She laughed and said that she wouldn’t and it was pathetic that you asked her that. Once she drove off, you started crying wondering what you did wrong and told yourself she was just not a romantic person and that you were over reacting.

It was your birthday today, you were turning 25, you woke up and saw Alexia dressing up you asked her where she was going. She said she was going to meet a friend, you asked her if she remembered what day it was and she got irritated and told you that you should just tell her and not make her guess and that she doesn’t want to know. You wanted to cry but reminded yourself that it was your birthday and you shouldn’t be said today. So you decided to go to the bookshop and then go eat at your favorite restaurant. You texted Alexia that you would be home by six.

You finish eating early and when you reached the front of the house it was only 5:20, when you stepped inside you heard Jane’s voice and smiled. You though that Alexia didn’t forget your birthday and was actually surprising you with your best friend. Little did you know it was quite the opposite, when you reached the living room you saw them kissing each other. You dropped the bag you were holding on to. They looked at you, and Alexia immediately apologize and told you she was sorry. You asked how long it had been going on and Jane said it had been 5 months, and then she said it wasn’t their fault that they were in love and that Alexia was never truly in love with you. You saw red and tried to slap Jane, Alexia stopped you and asked you not to be so selfish and that you should just accept the truth, she also said she was breaking up with you and asked you to move your things out of the house by Monday. You walked out of the house and booked a hotel room.

“Maybe then i wouldn’t have been so hurt to see you do everything thing i ever wanted from you to her”

It had been a month since you guys broke up and you didn’t tell anyone what happened, all your teammates thought Alexia broke up with you, but didn’t know she cheated. You tried to tell yourself that it was actually okay cause, you wanted someone who could romance you and Alexia wasn’t like that. But then you saw Janes Instagram post, of Alexia giving her flowers and bringing her to a restaurant, and then you saw Alexia’s comment and her own Instagram post. You unfollowed both of them and switched of your phone, then went to sleep. You thought doing that will stop you from seeing the two of them how stupid that was, the next day Jane showed up after practice, and kissed alexia. You just rolled your eyes and tried to ignore them, but Jane said hi to you and everyone was staring at you so you said hi back, and walked to your car. But it wasn’t just seeing their interactions in person, it was seeing it everywhere online whether it be on twitter, Instagram, TikTok or tumblr they were there what made it worse was all the comments about how they were perfect for each other.

Three months later,they were engaged every news outlets featured their engagement photo and everyone congratulated them.

“But Maybe Just Maybe In another lifetime i wouldn’t be so stupid to fall for you”

After congratulating them you left the venue, and went home. You checked the time then took your luggage and headed to the airport, you look at the now barren house and closed the door. While waiting for the announcement for your flight. You thought about everything that happened, while you were devastated about everything that happened, you also knew that you had to accept the truth. But you still hoped that maybe in another lifetime you wouldn’t be so stupid to fall for her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? This is a final boarding announcement for passengers traveling on flight GA123 to London. All passengers should proceed immediately to gate 12A, as boarding is now closing. Once again, flight GA123 to London is now boarding at gate 12A. Thank you”

You snapped out of your thoughts and boarded your flight, and as the plane soared into the skies, carrying you away from the shattered pieces of your heart, you whispered to the winds of fate,

"Maybe in another lifetime, I'll find the courage to write my own love story worth telling.”

[enmi-land]

THANK YOU, TUMBLR

hello everyone! if you’re seeing this, it’s because i (dia) am no longer going to be in tumblr starting from today onwards. it was a difficult decision to make, but for a multitude of reasons. i feel like I’ve started to become more detached from tumblr as a whole, and it’s not anyone’s fault in particularly, but writing here doesn’t bring me the same joy as it used to, and I’ve lost a lot of motivation for it over the time I’ve been here but especially because of all the hiatuses i had to take for uni. which brings me to my next point, but this blog was my safe space, but now I’ve been finding new ways to cope with everything, and I’ve started to focus more on my life irl. but the main reason is just because i’m getting busier and even if I’m on a break right now, next year is going to be one of the most important years of my life, and i think it’s best that i get rid of all my distractions—which unfortunately includes writing. but that being said, i’m going to miss all the amazing people i’ve met here on this site, and thank you to all th people who have continuously shown me love and support! I’ll always remember your kindness, as they’re the things that encourage me to be at my best even when I feel low. I hope you will also receive the same love and compassion that you’ve shown me, and I’m forever grateful for the chance offering you at least okce in my life—and damn this makes me emotional just writing this. thank you to all my readers who have been on mila’s journey to witness her grow!! even tho i won’t be writing for her anymore, I’m glad that while I did, people were able to enjoy her stories as much as I enjoyed writing them. i’ll be leaving this blog (enmi-land) in the hands of my lovely wifey selene to decide what to do with, but otherwise I’ll be deactivating my main accounts to make sure i stay away. selene you already know how grateful I am to you but thank you again for everything, and for putting up with babysitting this blog for me when i disappear. I leave it all to you to do what you wish with it!! but feel free to save all the fics I’ve written before the time ever comes where all of them will be deleted for good. I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver on a lot of the requests and story ideas that I got your hopes up for—but maybe one day in the future, when I’ve worked out the things I want to, I’ll have the urge to come back and revisit my once favourite hobby. but until then—I’ll be signing out with this final note! ^^

thank you for everything! —love, dia

[anxiousbrazilianstuff]

INTRO POST!!😼😼

My name is Rafaela, Rafa for short, but you can call me whatever you prefer, if you want to call me Optimus Prime you can too‼️

I'm an aroace girl, and I prefer to stay that way, there are days when I can't stand even myself, imagine other people

I am a minor, and as in my other intro post, I will not reveal my exact age for security reasons, and I will not hesitate to report anyone who have ulterior motives with me in my DMs or in my comments😾

I am very insecure and EXTREMELY anxious, and so any offensive comments to my posts will, again, be deleted and reported, because I WILL cry and I WILL want to delete this blog and disappear forever

Try to be as objective as possible with me, I'm a bit slow and I only understand things if they're explained to my face, especially sarcasm and irony, So sometimes I will respond to your post the way I interpreted it, just explain it to me and I will understand 😼

Just by looking at my profile you can see that I use pictures of cats, usually of questionable quality, in my posts because it's a way for me to express myself better in my posts, so, don't be surprised 😼

I'm an aspiring writer😸 I've never written anything great, but I plan to in the near future! If you look at my posts, you'll be able to see some of my work, they're not constant because I get exhausted very easily with this kind of thing, so there's no point in asking too much 😿

I'm Brazilian!😼😼 And if you notice, I use my Latino beam on several characters in Newsies, because everything I like I have to reflect myself in it

DNI;

— People who are ethically and morally wrong, such as pedophiles, homophobes, racists, sexists, and especially xenophobes, for fairly obvious reasons.

— People who don't like what I post here, if you don't like it, what are you doing here? 😿 Just get out of my account without saying anything

— Disrespectful people, because as I said, I'm insecure and I can take any word poorly explained personally, so let's avoid disrespect in my posts 😼😼

— People who don't agree with my headcanons and make a point of showing it without me having asked

— Finally, people who don't understand my space, I have a very non-linear posting frequency because of school and projects there, and other things too, so don't nag me a lot to post every day because sometimes I have no idea what to post

— Along the same lines of not respecting my space, people who pressure me, I don't function well under pressure, I'm undergoing treatment to be able to deal with my anxiety, but for now, don't pressure me or try not to make me nervous, I might have an anxiety attack and it will get much worse for me to handle the situation😞

— Lastly, rude people in general, as mentioned, I am very insecure, and I try hard to adapt to people so I can evolve and get rid of my shyness, so when you are rude or dry with me, I'll just go backwards in my improvement😞 (But this has exceptions, if you were also introverted with me, that's okay, I'll understand, just try to talk to me about it and I'll understand your space)

I like:

Newsies, if you didn't notice;

The Outsiders;

The Phantom Of The Opera;

Frankenstein;

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde;

Dracula;

EPIC: The Musical;

Percy Jackson;

Bonnie & Clyde ( Both the true story and the musical);

The Great Gatsby;

LSOH;

Hannibal;

Hadestown;

The Hunger Games;

Maze Runner;

Good Omens;

Mouthwashing;

And MANY more

Tags!!

Normally my posts not related to any fandom will have the tag "Rafa's complaints" or similar!

That was it for now, THX!!😸

[marali-iin]

Would you mind writing a one shot fluffy fic on Zeus x Hera from BoZ during their early relationship days? Please?

Dude, you have no idea how happy I am to see so many of you actually wanting something happy for Hera, I've like literally never seen that on the BoZ fandom before (not that I mind though, a happy fic is a happy fic)

Also I didn't have the energy to make a Zeus and Hera banner, and couldn't find a pretty one so have a random pretty one instead

(I had a draft with a different story but it got fuckin deleted and I lost inspiration, my bad)

A perfect bouquet

"you're late" it wasn't that much of a statement, but more of a question, a worried question. It was barely a few years from when they finally defeated the giants, but they still couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else lying underneath them, maybe a third race of doom they'd overlooked until now. It felt like a certain unease, under the beautiful orange colors as the night brought by lady Selene and Nyx approached. "Did you find something?"

"The body of the giants are deep down into the sea, Poseidon's taking care of that." He shook out some bits of dust laying on top of his tunic, one of his hands hiding behind his back as he entered the room. It was clear he was hiding something, it ached her mind with worry that something could be happening that he's not telling her. Even the miniscule possibility of the man in front of her not being her husband, but another creature taking his form as a trick. "But don't worry, my queen. I promise you, everything will be alright"

But then, with his voice, the caring undertone of it, the pure adoration dripping out of that man's mouth, it lured her into a sense of comfort, of simply wishing to believe him and listen to his every word with care.

He knelt before her, carefully taking her hand and bringing it to his mouth, leaving a soft kiss on it. It was as if the entire world had disappeared, if nothing else mattered but them. Maybe it was the feeling of being newly wed, but she simply wished to stay there forever, that look on his eyes, it was clear that to both of them there was nothing more important at that moment than their partner. Not the giants, the titans or the humans, even the other gods themselves mattered little to nothing right now, in that perfect moment between them.

"actually, I know how worried you've been. You've been working so hard lately, being our perfect queen, so great that you deserve a little something. I brought you a gift" he took out from behind him a bouquet of flowers, carefully decorated with a lavender fabric wrapped around the stems of the beautiful plants. He guided it to her hands, encouraging her to take it, to accept his little gesture of love that to her, meant everything in the world at the moment.

"Water lilies, to represent the abundance and purity of our marriage. Our purest form of love to ever exist, that not even the primordials will be able to deny, my utter adoration and devotion for you is as bright as the petals of these flowers"

"Lotus flowers, the drug of many, but to me, the only drug worth getting lost in is the fierce and eternal look in your eyes. The symbol of beauty, that at your side looks like a mere child toy, because no plant in this world will be competition for you. "

"And Pomegranate, to bring fertility. I know you long for a child, and I might be rushing into thinking of it, but the mere idea of seeing a god walking one day around Olympus, one that will look like the perfect combination of my best features and your perfect self. Every being in this world and the next should adore them, as they will be the living presentation of our sworn love, our blood and passion combine into a perfect being. If you'd give me the honour of course, my queen"

[chaoskirin]

Today, While I was in the middle of typing an email, Microsoft Outlook 365 popped up a window demanding feedback. And boy did I have shit to say.

I had to keep the swearing out, because apparently any report I make is duplicated and sent to the IT department. But the text I ended up sending follows:

---

God, I have so much to tell you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. First: Stop messing with everything. Outlook works fine, but you keep changing things that don't need changing. Moving buttons around. Turning on features that I have explicitly turned off for not working before. Just today, you turned on the auto-suggestions again, which would be great if it actually worked. Instead, when it suggests anything you don't accept, it just mashes words together. Do you know how it feels to be typing a professional email and you miss one of those failures and send your email anyway? I mean, to be fair, I caught ten, so I still got a 90% on the ol' Microsoft-sanctioned-typo-factory. But the person I emailed doesn't see it that way, do they? They see that I mashed three words together like there was a wasp on the space bar.

Plus, my signature keeps getting deleted. Not just switched to nothing, but completely deleted. Which means I have to re-make that every time your developers get bored and decide to re-haul a program that absolutely never needs re-hauling. I remember once a couple months ago the attachment button just disappeared, and there was no way for me to attach a final bill. I had to actually use my personal gmail address to send an email to a customer because for about 16 hours, it was impossible to attach anything.

But, you say, I should have sent error reports. And I did. But the question in my mind always comes back to "why are you messing with something that does not need changing?" The only thing that ever happens is that you change aesthetics. Colors. This time the boxes are gone. Do you think you're at risk of losing customers? Do you think you have to keep things new and fresh? No. People are shackled to you. You have a quasi-monopoly and a stranglehold on a whole lot of workflows. People cannot leave you. In the world of word processing and spreadsheets, you are Alcatraz. You don't have to change things to keep people here.

Instead, long-time bugs continue to plague everything I do within this hell-suite of software. Sometimes when I try to start typing in the body of the email, outlook decides that, no, I don't want to type an email! I want to send the other emails in my inbox to the archive, where, if I don't notice this, they will sit and fester forever. There's also the bug where I create an email and it duplicates it and puts it in my drafts. Or the bug where it just creates a blank email and puts it in my drafts. Do you want to know how many blank emails I've deleted from my drafts folder? There are not enough numbers in existence to count this.

If you REALLY want to know how to improve Outlook and this message isn't just going into the wilderness like all those notebooks from the hit-TV-show-where-nobody-liked-the-ending, LOST, then please. Listen. From the bottom of my heart and from the top of my lungs: Stop changing everything. Nothing needs changing. Just run a good service. Get your programmers onto fixing longstanding bugs instead of trying to make an email and scheduling program look like a fashion show in Paris.

And if I seem a little ticked off in this message, it's because your request for feedback popped up in the middle of me compiling an email, which was just about halfway done. Outlook, in all its wisdom, decided that I didn't actually need that email and went ahead and deleted all the text in it. All of it. So after I finish giving you an earful, I'm going to have to retype it.

Hope this helps. Have a wonderful day.

[laeliana]

Artemis Fowl Tag

Stolen from @tengirl, since the blog appears to be deleted I cannot repost it directly, so I copied and pasted it:

so, i made an artemis fowl tag forever ago on my old blog & thought i’d made a new & improved version! feel free to tag some peeps who might want to do this too, if ya want. without further ado, the artemis fowl tag 2.0!

1) who’s your favorite character & why?

2) what’s one of your favorite scenes in the books?

3) if you could be any species of fairy, which one would you be?

4) do you read af fic? if so, drop one of your favorites!

5) give your ranking of the books from best to worst!

6) if you could say anything to any of the characters, what would it be?

7) if your comfortable w it, share one of your favorite headcanons about the series <3

8) what’s one thing that you would change about the series?

9) if we’re not counting book one artemis, who’s your favorite villain & why?

10) how did you get into the series/when did you first read it?

1) Artemis and Minerva. I mean, everybody loves Artemis and we all know why, so I'm gonna spend a couple of words on Min. I find amazing the idea of another genius who is a foil of what Artemis could've been was he born in a more normal family. I think most of the problems Artemis has stem from his family, so having Minerva could've helped him realize he could still be a genius, but different, less reliant on his mother and his father. Sad thing she disappeared (Fowl Twins does not exist).

2) I think Butler and the troll. One of the best fight scenes I've ever read, period.

3) But I don't want to, I like being human ç ç

4) Hell yes. altus, alti by @pokegeek151, Artemis Experiments Weird by @eldewinddolly, Different by Opal Roseblossom, All in an Instant and Before by NovaWasTaken, The Face I Wear by @piscespixiewastaken, The Truth About Santa by ArtysSexKitten

5) The Lost Colony - Artemis Fowl - The Opal Deception - The Arctic Incident - The Eternity Code - The Atlantis Complex - The Time Paradox - The Last Guardian

6)

to Artemis: by the love of God GO GET MINERVA, SHE'S THE ONE (everything else I would like Artemis to do will cascade down from that)

to Holly: stop thinking Artemis is something different from what he is. You're only gonna hurt yourself.

To Butler: I'd like to say him "Relax, your charge will do fine", but it'd be a lie :D

To Foaly: get down your pedestal and realize there are others that are just as smart or smarter than you. It's a lot less hurtful than realize it after they've tricked you

To Angeline and Artemis Sr: you owe everything to your son, so leave him be. He'll be himself his own way, not everyone else

To Minerva: go slap some sense into Artemis. You're prolly the only one smart enough to do that.

To the People as whole: you're no better than Mud Men, deal with it.

7) easy: Artemis and Minerva stood in close contact (be them friends or lovers, it doesn't matter), because there's no way Artemis finds the only one person that could stand toe to toe with him in a scientific debate and then forgets about her. It would be like for us to discover for the first time that fandoms exists and that there are other people that share our interests.

8) As you could very well understand at this point, more Minerva (I'm working on that). But also Artemis moving away from his family and Holly staying well away from the LEP. Also I'd rewrite the entire interactions of TAC because come on, that's not how you deal with someone with mental illness. Also I generally think that latter books suffer from too many villains, and one of them per book (Minerva, Young Artemis, the Complex) would be more than enough and would have its time to shine. Also, enough of Opal.

9) Again, Minerva (don't know if t counts, and I've already annoyed you more than enough with her) and baby Artemis from TTP, I think the juxtaposition between him and his older self is one thing I really like from TTP. ANother thing I'd change is dump the entire Extinctionist and Opal subplots, and let yong Artemis be the only villain of TTP. He desperate for the money to save his father, and his older self desperate for the lemur to save his mother. Let them clash.

10) Who even remembers lol? It must've been more than twenty years ago

[sweetpea-sprite]

i love that a large part of oliver's character arc is coming to love ni no kuni over time until the journey is no longer only about saving his mother to him but about defeating shadar. and i will forever be pissed that level 5 got rid of most of it in wotww. btw.

accidentally wrote an essay about this so i'm putting it under a read more

they didn't get rid of all of it. he has his soulsnare moment. he. uh. i'll be completely honest with you i'm entirely blanking on ANY other moments. like obviously he willingly sacrifices himself to defeat shadar but that's like the culmination not the build up. um. what other. uh.

okay anyway in dotdd you can SEE him get more attached to ni no kuni. literally the first cutscene you see of him after gateway (the deleted ghibli scene. you can see it in the casino in wotww) is him staring at the world in awe. it's emphasised. there's a zoom in on his face. in wotww he has a moment like this but it's a lot less focused on oliver's reaction and more on showing You the beauty of it. (the ghibli scene is prettier anyway...)

in general dotdd does a much better job of showing oliver falling in love with the world and its inhabitants. listen i am the fairyground's #1 fan but in the arc it replaces there's a scene where swaine protects esther, and then immediately after they start fighting again, and oliver starts laughing because he's FOND OF THEM. they're FRIENDS. it does a much better job of showing the party's bonds with each other than the fairyground does. (in a perfect world we would have both the fairyground and del mokahl.)

it's even little thingsss. stuff like swaine directly saying he wants to go with oliver. the tombstone trail where oliver makes friends with a ghost and cries when she disappears. it's so much more obvious that he's getting more and more attached.

and then in xanadu when they discover that mornstar's stones are scattered and they have to find them there's a TURNING POINT. where oliver steps forward and stubbornly says well i don't care that it seems almost impossible. there's a CHANCE. we can do this. think of everyone who's out there suffering we have to TRY. otherwise what was the point of everything we've done up until now? (foreshadowing for his soulsnare moment!) and he doesn't mention alicia ONCE.

in wotww the only stone guardian where you clearly help someone in need is aapep, where you help ali and yasmina break their curse. in dotdd it's all three - oliver promises to look after grey/cerboreas for his past owner, and also, um, organises a union during crossbones. it's just a lot more obvious that oliver wants to help people. he had an ulterior motive for coming here but now he genuinely wants to help and it's OBVIOUS.

and then oliver gets really fucking angry at shadar in perdida. he gets more pissed off in general in dotdd (yet another trait i wish wotww oliver had...) but specifically at shadar he starts shouting about it to the sky. he gets PISSED. it's set off by them discovering a girl who had a piece of her heart stolen by shadar due to her grandmother, on purpose. oliver shouts to the sky that he is "going to SAVE that little girl!"

even the SOULSNARE isn't only about alicia! esther and swaine get trapped in there too and oliver tries to run directly into the poison marshes HIMSELF to get them back and is only stopped by drippy who rightfully points out that he will DIE.

when he finally frees the souls in the soulsnare he has the wotww moment of "everything we've done up until now was for nothing" and then is reminded of everything they've done, and his reason for fighting CHANGES ENTIRELY!!! and it changes in wotww as well - this is the most important part of oliver's arc, after all - but in dotdd. it's already changed. they don't even need the pea montage because you already know how much oliver loves this place.

and then he SACRIFICES HIS LIFE FOR IT!!!!!!! he came here to save his mother - remember, he SAID NO when drippy asked the first time, until he learned about alicia. but he's become so attached and in love with ni no kuni that he heads into a battle he knows he's not coming back from to keep it safe. it drives me NUTS. this world isn't his own and he's killing himself for it because he adores it so much. it's [SCREAMING]

and then in wotww they get rid of almost all of this and oliver is still a fantastic fucking character. they got rid of all of his anger and most of his tears and he's still phenomenal. isn't that crazy. like dotdd oliver is superior but wotww oliver is still really good is the thing

god. anyway. this is your sign to play dotdd. please. please. please. pl

[lukaherehelp]

Do you believe there is going to be a love story in Playboyy and if yes, who is it going to be ? I would say Zouey and Teena based on the character description and what we saw. Zouey is Zouey but Teena is a hopeless romantic, however I fear that we might get the cutie that turn bad with Zouey. Also do you know more about Captain/Puen/Aoab, I don’t get who is the pairing, are they going to be in a threesome. I noticed the actors were interacting together yesterday.

I was halfway done answering this and I deleted everything I had written so let's see if I remember.

Do I believe we are getting a love story and who?

In theory, we are getting multiple. The catch is what couples will be endgame, if that's even a possibility.

My money for now is fully on NuthPhop due to their character descriptions and the little addon of information they gave us. I know y'all haven't meet them yet, but trust me. However, something tells me there's not going to be a happy ending for them. I truly wish do, cause their teaser photo is the most beautiful one so far:

Another couple I feel it could be endgame is KeenCaptain. They are a really common archetype (brat/brat-tamer) and their storyline (Captain blackmailing Keen with a sextape) is one that, added to the accusations by Nont that he might be the reason Nant when missing, give foot for their love story to work as redemption arc for Captain's character. There's also this teaser photo:

which gives me major "we can work things out, I care about you". Really suits Keen's statement in the Foreplay video (now forever gone to the ages) saying that he has Captain's heart in his hands.

For AobPuen, JumpPorche and PromNont I cannot say anything yet cause we have seeing almost anything from them yet.

Now, TeenaZouy feels like it can be endgame. It has all the cards to be. It truly depends if neither of them had anything to do with Nant's disappearance.

The same could be said about SoongFirst, unless something major happens, I also feel like they could be endgame but I want to be cautious about it.

About Captain/Puen/Aob and the possibility of a threesome:

I think you got confused and that's okey, this is all a mess. Let me clarify things:

The guys in yesterday fuckery (cause that what happend in that club last night) are the actors for Captain (Vivit), Keen (Boat) and Puen (Parm).

which we have already seeing together in the show:

Could something happened between this three? Maybe... I mean, we are talking about three sports guys in university... The changing rooms are right there, if you know what I mean ✨👀

As far as we know, there hasn't being any info or hint about a trio, so we'll have to wait if anything happens.

[nikeiyomiurioverthinker]

Mikado Sannoji is such a weird character, man.

He is such a big ball of mental health issues, but I'm honestly unsure if Linuj even planned for him to come across as that (although, considering the creator we are talking about, I doubt it was on purpose).

Like, Mikado tells us that he believes himself to be some sort of superior being thanks to his non-human nature, but everything else about him proves that notion to be completely wrong: Mikado desperately wants to be human.

And who can blame him? He was born as just some guy's alter ego, he had all his memories and yet he was intimately aware that all these experiences weren't really 'his'. He was just a test subject, to see if the technology could work, and then he would have either been forgotten forever or, worse, completely deleted, once they moved onto making the Utsuro alter ego.

He refers to Human Mikado and Kokoro as his parents, though it is unknown if he ever used such terms to their faces, because of course he did: all children have parents, no matter how absent or abusive, so by referring to them as his 'parents' he is humanising himself. And that also shows his desire to be a separate person from the 'real' Mikado Sannoji: he is his father, but they aren't the same person.

His desire to be his own person also explains why he is blonde in the VR: it makes him different from the other Mikado. And then he puts on a cape and a silly hat, becomes a wizard and covers his face, the only thing he cannot change and that will always make him look like the 'real' Mikado, with a mask.

So clearly, Mikado is dealing with identity issues here. Issues that keep on getting worse as the other Mikado continues to input more information, making him more and more aware.

And then he finds out about the plan to make the Utsuro AI, and Mikado AI finds it absolutely idiotic. He almost immediately comes up with a better plan, one that had more opportunities to actually work that IRL Mikado's.

And here AI Mikado starts developing a sense of superiority: he is the smarter one, the one that actually can bring Utsuro back from the dead, so he deserves to be the only Mikado. Two of the same person simply can't coexist in AI Mikado's mind, and the lesser one has to disappear.

And that is then the reason why Mikado pays Syobai to commit the murder.

It's completely unsurprising that Mikado's mind went to murder as his first instinct: even if his entire self wasn't based on some dude that set orphanages on fire just to see his saviour again, he was surrounded by nothing but enablers. Kokoro just ignored all the red flags, interested by the fact that an AI could develop the desire to kill his creator, and poured her attention into helping him, effectively reinforcing his beliefs, and Syobai... Well, he just cares about getting paid.

It's implied he never even met the rest of Void face to face, let alone actually have conversations with them outside of business, but they all also reinforced his beliefs by simply going along with his plan.

And then, his plan was to kill Utsuro in the end, steal his powers, and then take over Akane Taira's body and live as a real human being. Which I find interesting, actually, that he would choose her body specifically: out of all the people stuck in the VR that died, he went to steal a girl's body, huh.

The closet is glass.

So yeah, Linuj wrote (probably accidentally) a character with identity, superiority AND inferiority issues, and that's without touching all the other fucked up things that make up Mikado Sannoji.

I can somewhat understand Kokoro tbh, I'd also love to study this guy.

[thatbanditqueen]

hi! i was wondering if it was okay to ask you if you’re still updating your big daddy fic? 🫣

Hey lovely lover love,

It is always OK to ask me anything. Late night true confessions, I have sort of been taking the Elvis approach to discussing No One Walks Out ... which is complete avoidance. The truth is I don't know. I have a bad case of writer's block on that one, and I am in a different place in my love affair with Elvis than I was when I first started writing.

Sometimes it hurts that the other stuff I write isn't as "popular" but I feel like I connect with the right people who are into what I am into and that is why I came here in the first place.

Since it's late and I am a bit cracked out after a weekend of a lot of activity and caffeine I'll also share that I am generally in a weird emotional place with fic writing. At least once a day I consider deleting everything and disappearing completely. But that is crazytown norah and this is my hobby, my pastime, and my obsession, I am somehow incapable of leaving.....

So I guess right now I am going to be honest and just say that I am not actively working on a chapter. I hate to say I am shutting it down forever, because even if I feel that way, I could wake up next week and want to come back to it.

I am so very sorry to disappoint you and anyone else who was reading No One Walks Out, Becky is an OC near and dear to my heart and 1970s Elvis lives in my fantasies.

Since I first wrote my first chapter last Nov, the whole BDE fic has exploded, I can think of a few off the top of my head that are very similar to mine, they may even do it better. Sometimes reading so much of the same sort of genre/era puts me off writing it myself, I do think Elvis fic is a big sandbox where all authors can coexist and write our own work. But I have to follow my um, spirit shall we say? And write what interests me, and right now it is my new series about Elvis at Fort Hood in 58 and my Hollywood Elvis series, and any one-shots that strike me......

This was not an easy ask, but i do feel like you deserve to know where i am at with things.

xoxoxoxxoxo

norahhhhh

[lunar-solstice-plur]

! Important Announcement !

TL;DR: This blog is going on indefinite hiatus, due to dramatic changes in system functions.

There has been a lot of change in the past month and a half. Now, I know that doesn't seem long enough for this to be a big deal, but I can only say that it *feels* like this is the new normal, and that it isn't going to go back anytime soon. Who knows, maybe tomorrow things will go right back to how it was and I'll feel really stupid for having made this post.

Right now, there are only three active members, and the majority of the time, its just Red fronting. There are some vaguer influences sometimes, but 99% of the time, its just us three. Anyone else fronting has actually been causing ✨ severe mental distress ✨, so this is a necessary thing in order to function.

They really were expecting to use this blog a lot more, and interact with the plural community a lot more, so it is painful to post this, don't get me wrong. But I'll be honest, I'm not so into this whole plural thing like the rest were. So I have little interest in continuing to keep up this blog for appearance's sake. I know this isn't news that everyone would've liked to hear, but I would rather just tell the truth than disappear without a trace.

It was very chaotic with 44+ people switching in and out without rhyme or reason. We would go weeks on end without knowing who was fronting at all. It is much more lonely with only two people directly fronting, but also much less confusing and easier to pin down emotions.

This does not mean that we're deleting this blog. We don't know how long this will last; maybe forever, or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be right back to routine and I'll feel really stupid for making this post. If things ever do go back, we'll start using this blog again. And even if we never do, deleting it would be sad. The joy experienced through this blog is still relevant, not just for us, but for others as well.

Thank you to those who have followed this blog. Maybe in the future, things will return to that normal. But for now, things are moving in a new direction. And we- not just me (believe me, NOT me)- would like this to be the normal for now.

If you want to follow us somewhere else, we do still have our normal art blog, @blueyouaway-art , that you can look at. (Yes, a shameless advertisement lol).

[jazlynriddle]

Deleted Scenes Ch 7:

In light of Revelation

Summary:

Anne wasn't the only one who changed after the curse, Ominis swallowed the words, grieving once more for the brief happiness they'd had together.

A series of fill in snippets of interactions between Sebastian and Ominis in-between quests, starting with Ominis confronting Sebastian after he catches Main Character leaving the Undercroft.

Ending with a longer epilogue chapter that takes place post-game, where Sebastian and Ominis find a way to move on and mend their friendship.

Warnings: Spoilers

Link to AO3 can be found here (with additional tags)

Notes:

This chapter takes place directly after the last, I was going to make this the last chapter, but then I started writing one more, so there'll be a fairly long epilogue chapter after this one xD

I actually wrote the first chapter and this chapter before everything else, so I hope the snippets have managed to flow from and to this point smoothly, I also made some art for this, hope it looks good haha

My art can also be viewed in HD for free on my Patreon here!

Sebastian looked up at the sound of the iron grates lifting. He shuddered, caught between wanting to leap to his feet and run over to demand that Ominis tell him Anne's verdict immediately, and wanting to run in the other direction or perhaps disappear into the floor under the bench entirely.

He settled for simply staying put, every one of Ominis' quiet footsteps felt like a drumhead judge laying down his sentence. Sebastian heard, more than saw, Ominis come to a stop a few steps away from him.

"Ominis…"

"Sebastian…”

"...I'm sorry." Sebastian felt his heart stop. Ominis shook his head as he continued. "She can't bear to see you. She won't turn you in, but…she may never be able to face you again."

Sebastian closed his eyes in pain, a part of him was relieved that she didn't hate him enough to send him to Azkaban, but it was swallowed up in a sea of agony. He might never see his twin again.

What was he supposed to do now? He'd never allowed himself to even entertain the thought of losing her for good. Now he was going to lose her forever and she wasn’t even dead. She would rather die before seeing his face again. Somehow that hurt far worse.

Sebastian covered his mouth with a hand, choking back a sob, feeling Ominis sit beside him on the bench. He wanted to lean into his best friend for comfort but didn’t know if he would be welcomed. If Ominis pushed him away right now, Sebastian wasn’t sure he'd be able to keep what was left of his sanity.

Ominis sighed, hearing the heart wrenching sounds of despair. As much as his mind told him that Sebastian had done this to himself, his heart longed to soothe that pain.

"Anne wrote this for you." Ominis murmured, offering Sebastian a small rolled up parchment.

It took every scrap of Sebastian's willpower to force himself to take the parchment, unrolling it with trembling fingers to read the short writing. Praying, hoping beyond hope that there was some form of salvation on this paper.

I will always love you, but I don't know if I can ever forgive you.

The parchment fell from Sebastian's hands, which immediately seized up, his arms trembling from the force of his convulsions. The tears he'd been holding back filled his vision, spilling down his cheeks in streams, and a broken whimper forced its way past his throat.

Sebastian barely noticed his body collapsing under his grief, until he felt a firm grip around his shoulders.

Sebastian was confused for all of a split second. Before he realised that Ominis had pulled him into a side embrace, stabilising him, and preventing Sebastian from falling off the bench. He couldn’t stop himself from grasping onto the arm supporting him across his chest, clinging to the familiar quiet strength of his closest friend.

"Why…what did I do wrong? I was just trying to help, I was so sure…where did I go wrong?" Sebastian choked out the words, his usual mask of confidence completely shattered, the stubborn self-righteousness he'd worn like a cloak for the past year turning into vapor, leaving him as exposed as a featherless chick in a storm.

Ominis sighed again, resting his head against Sebastian's. "That's the problem, you've been so caught up in thinking only about saving her, you forgot to ask what she wanted. You forgot to ask if she would ever forgive herself for even existing if it drives you to hurt other people just to save her. Having bad things done in her name shifts the blame to her."

He felt Sebastian balk at that, but he was still listening quietly, that was a good sign. Ominis continued.

"And you may have felt that Solomon was never there for you, but he was caring for her this whole time, he was there for her, and she loved him." Ominis rubbed a thumb against Sebastian's collarbone.

"You showed her that you didn't care about how she felt or what she thought, and then you selfishly satisfied your own personal hatred in a way that took a loved one from her." Ominis had never wished so dearly that he could see, that he could watch Sebastian's face, to see if his words were getting through.

"That- that wasn't what I was trying to do..." Sebastian's voice was strained and desperate, wavering and small.

"I know." Ominis shook his head. "But that's what you were doing regardless."

This was the breaking point. If Sebastian still couldn’t recognise and face his mistakes, Ominis was sure that he would regret convincing Anne to not turn Sebastian in.

The seconds turned into minutes as Ominis waited with bated breath, feeling Sebastian shudder and sob against his side. Every second stretched on to infinity, fear tightening his grip on Sebastian's shoulders, Ominis desperately didn't want to lose him.

"...how can I possibly make this right?" Sebastian's voice was so small, so lost and so full of regret. Ominis felt relief crash over him like a wave, he felt lightheaded as oxygen rushed to his head. Sebastian got it. He understood.

Sebastian shook his head. "...I fucked up so bad and I didn't even realise… I should have listened to you… how can you even stand to be by my side after everything? You must be so angry with me."

Ominis straightened as Sebastian lifted his head to stare into his cloudy eyes searching for answers.

Ominis smiled sadly. "I was angry with you because you put yourself in danger. Because I didn't want to lose you. I've lost everything I ever loved to dark magic. I was terrified that I would lose you too."

Sebastian's breath caught in his throat at the gentle expression on Ominis' face. He saw everything he needed to see in those pale eyes, understanding, care, and a forgiveness he hadn't even properly asked for yet.

"...I'm a fucking moron, aren't I." Sebastian gave a watery laugh, relieved when Ominis huffed lightly in return, pressing their foreheads together.

"Yes, you certainly are."

Notes:

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I do not acknowledge the option to turn him in, I think it's absolute rubbish to turn Sebastian in for Solomon’s failure to support him and his inclination to take out his own personal frustration on a child he is caring for. Solomon is responsible for provoking a child to violence, and honestly, after he attacks us alongside the Inferi, I would have loved to kill him myself.

I also feel that Sebastian might have been caught in the heat of the battle as well, I mean he’d been fighting Inferi and in battle mindset, if something’s in the way? Kill it. In war soldiers on the other side cease to be people, they’re just enemies, they’re just NPCs, it’s how the human brain deals with the stress of killing people like that.

We even see Sebastian drop his wand after casting the killing curse. he also refers to his actions with “I never wanted to hurt my uncle”, he can’t bring himself to use the word “kill” at all, and he keeps fixating on “being with Anne” to escape the situation, showing a clear disassociation with his actions, the inability for his mind to reconcile what happened with his conscience.

This is basic criminal psychology, when determining if someone committed premediated murder. Behaviour like this is evidence that he can’t take responsibility for his actions. Which of course follows that he should never have been allowed to take action in the first place, poor kid’s brain is fucked. He needs a psychiatrist.