#i also thought about adding a 'would call me a slur'/'wouldn't call me a slur' point jokingly but i thought that it might be too soon

[keepyourpantsongohan]

I have a Venn Diagram to share

[haerni]

COULD’VE BEEN ──── 이희승 . the past is a blur, reality was harsher than it usually is. how deep does one could ever love a person?

. . genre : exes w lingering feelings · fem reader hurt comfort time motifs · word count : 1869 . notes . . im in love with heeseung lately </3

you love lee heeseung—you loved him, you did.

there was no denying it, he was an amazing boyfriend—perfect, even. your break up wasn't something you could call a bad ending, far from it. it was a mutual decision on both of you, it was something you both agreed on despite everything.

three years was all it took, three wonderful years of your life, three of it that you would come to treasure in the years to come. coming to terms of remaining as friends instead of strangers, your friends were even more bewildered. because really, who would still be friends with their ex? who would even want that?

“you still have feelings for him,” sunoo pointed out. “don’t deny it!” he shoots as quickly as you try to open your mouth with a quick retort with the high possibility of denying it, he surmised.

“i don’t have feelings for him, thank you very much.” you dismissed, getting back to what you were doing. “we’re really just friends now, acquaintances if you will.”

he narrows his eyes on you, not believing a word you say, but he lets it go with a puff shaking his head.

“you know what they say about exes staying friends. either you never loved each other at all, or you still have feelings—either way you’re not fooling me.” he says a matter of fact, helping himself in your fridge taking the mint chocolate.

you find your friend’s deduction to be ridiculous.

sometimes you catch yourself thinking of how he's doing. is he eating well? still staying up late until dawn because of his games? winning his league games? a small smile makes its way to your face at the same memories you share, somehow a bittersweet taste comes with it, yet it's still tucked away somewhere where your other moments lie, shaking your head away from it as quickly as it came. letting the thought simmer away to the backs of your mind.

lee heeseung was a fond memory you keep, but nonetheless he was just a memory still.

love was something you held for lee heeseung before, you don't really know what to call it now. maybe you wouldn't love someone for a long time as you have loved lee heeseung.

after all, what you knew as your greatest love was too great to be forgotten at all.

—

love was bound to find its way to you again, heeseung thinks.

you were like a force of nature that comes like you belong to everything, to every good little thing heeseung can ever name of. like everything was made to be the way it is just for you

—and somehow he also used to believe he was also made just for you.

that was before the fallout. now he believes that maybe after pining over you for many years and being your friend just the same, maybe this was where he should've always been. not to hold you like lovers do, not to kiss you as much as a friendship does not require, and definitely not to have you in any way that would be deemed more than what relationship you had returned to.

just friends. nothing more, nothing less.

it's useless, though. the glass in his hands is cold. misery was rather more of a warm company to heeseung, too familiar even. the lights at the bar were dimmed down adding more somber to the mood, and it is like the universe is playing some sort of twisted tricks on him. just to remind how hollow it is, how the world was actually big, it's too cold—it's lonely.

everything was becoming too much and not enough all the same.

drinking was never a good idea, it never was for heeseung. you'd always tell him that he gets so lost in it that he forgets just how many he downs and it leaves him away into the night with a smile and fits of giggles that are contagious and slurred words that he always tries to utter.

it's stupid, he was stupid.

but atleast he had you then, the one who would take care of him if he has one of too many or maybe crawl up into his lap when he's gaming away into the night and you'd just do it because you'd rather have his warmth near you than settle with the thought of having him in the same room. or times when you would just run up to him and like it's engraved in his veins to have you in his arms and hold you like forever was never enough of a time to describe how much he wants you. forever was too less of a time, a life with you would be more and to those other lives he will get to have you seems more promising.

forever is too much of a word for lee heeseung. if your lives were to part, may he always find you in the next and the comings. for him to never take another heart that does not belong to you. may lee heeseung love you to every time, to be born in the same universe as you, the same time, the same place.

three lifetimes, three wonderful lives you both had, and he thinks it is simply not enough.

he begs the heavens to let him be made just for you once more. because forever in one, will never be something to call what you have.

eternity suits you better, he thinks.

—

the night strolls, the stars are twinkling with the hopes of catching an eye.

this night feels a little more dreadful than the last. the drink he had down a few minutes ago keeps him warm in the night, setting itself in his stomach. heeseung has spent away the after hours this way, a routine that has eaten him alive to its core. it's not an ideal lifestyle, but he continues anyway.

he strolls without a place in mind, after all he has lost home once and wherever you are, his heart resides.

you are everything that heeseung has prayed for.

as familiar buildings meet his eyes and it brings back some memories he had kept away. treacherous. suddenly he finds himself in your street, a few blocks away from where you are. he can knock, he can ask you, he can stay, but he was a stranger altogether. so, the best thing heeseung takes rather than doing all of those things? was to sober up and leave.

mortality has never been kind to him. and everything he has kept in his heart was torn from its home and never to be returned like the sands that slithers away from the storm.

and he had begged at everything that would hear him. because the sand had gone out of the hourglass too soon than what he had always hoped for. time has never been his friend, after all, what time would be fond of something going against it? fate was too cruel to you. but you had embraced it just the same.

how could he ever subject you to the same fate once more? a string tied to you or not, he would rather see you with the colors of life.

and as if this time—for once, mercy has taken pity on him. because as his heel turns he hears the front door of your home, and he shouldn't look, he shouldn't stop, he should go. but you're just still you, right? the always loveable you.

“heeseung?”

oh how he has missed your voice.

against his very judgement he turns around.

there you are by the porch of your home wrapped in a blanket protecting you from the chills of the night and you seem comfortable, you always are. he stops just as his mind tells him the opposite (how could lee heeseung ever say no to your very being?).

and he couldn't stop—heeseung has loved you for a very long time and it feels like it's the only language he can speak to answer your call.

you descend down on your stairs, with a small shy walk on your feet towards him. he feels dizzy, have you always been this pretty?

he tries to say something, anything, but you seem to knock the air out of his chest every time, he releases a breath he's been holding, “hey.”

if you knew better you think heeseung seemed to be full of life when he is with you, like a flower who basks in the sun. you don't know what to say to him, is there any words to describe whatever you were feeling? he knew everything about you, he read you like a diary he has memorized all his life, when words fail you, heeseung comes to answer it.

you couldn't really remember now why you broke up, too many talks, too many faults, too many problems that pile up as time wanes. but you missed him, you miss him too much now to remember why.

“it’s cold,” he begins. its obvious, but what could he possibly tell you?

it's weird now, his eyes are still the same and yet you find yourself wanting it just the same, “yeah, it is.”

silence passes you, it's not uncomfortable, it's not heavy—you're relieved.

“i should probably go.” he should, but is it a sin to say you want him to stay? you pursed your lips in contempt, you should say something.

heeseung may claim to be someone who keeps his words, but right now his feet feel heavy, like his anchored to where he stands—in front of you. he waits for you to utter anything to him, a small hope of you stopping him. to make it feel it was okay to want you like this, to be in your presence.

the silence beckoned you to speak before you can even think of it. “it’s already late..” it's embarrassing, almost as if you were too left open in his eyes again, “..you can stay, if you'd like.”

a second clock and a pin drop, heeseung adorned a soft smile on his lips and as if he was on the same wavelength as you he utters words he thought he couldn't ever tell you, “i missed you.”

“i know,” and it's not obnoxious, it's a truth that you know well, its a fact that you know deep in your bones, “i missed you too.”

and everything was happening in the blink of an eye, his arms are around you and he breathes your scent in. despite the blanket around you, his warmth burns more and you love it—some things just never change.

lee heeseung will never meet what could’ve been, would’ve been, what should’ve been you in that lifeline. your first life together would always be a mystery to the both of you. he misses you, more than he remembers.

he hopes he doesn't lose you again.

“i’ve got a lot to pine about. i’ve got a lot to live without. so rest well, hm? we’ll see each other again.”

—excerpt from (1500’s), A Hundred Years And A Lifetime, letters of Evan Lee to his wife by a Nameless Laureate poet.

[deathofacupid]

faults | peter parker

summary: peter's a nice guy, you liked him. key word being liked.

warning: non-con, slut-shaming (no nsfw/smut)

pairing: dark!peter x fem!reader

word count: 1.4k+ words (i've never done dark!peter before, just playing around with the idea)

check out my masterlist!

this can technically be read as either a 2nd part to this, or a stand-alone!

if you want to be added to the taglist, let me know!

(first person)

loud music drummed in my ears as narrowly avoided people. if i'm being honest, i'm not quite sure why i agreed to this in the first place.

aliyah, my best friend of seven years, was dead-set on planning a party for me. what type of person would i be to let her down like that? so naturally, i agreed, right?

only now was i regretting this.

the thing is, when she said "party", i thought she meant a couple people. maybe some school friends. i thought that spencer, this guy i just recently started going out with would be there too, but he's just ghosted me. like completely.

i haven't heard from him or anything, sucks, kinda.

...peter. he'd was coming, too.

i wasn't sure what was going on between us. it was subtle flirting, and i thought it was platonic. don't get me wrong, i really did like him at first, but now i'm not sure.

yeah, he's hot. but also not my type. granted, i don't really have a type, though i do think we'd be better off as friends. also, he wasn't the same as he used to be. and i know something's changed, even if i can't pinpoint what it is.

but lately, i'm not sure if we're on the same page about that. everyone thinks we're dating, because apparently you can't be just friends with a guy.

i'm genuinely unsure how to break that to him.

we did try one date, if you could even call it that. peter took me to the movies, but he never quite clarified what it was.

technically, i was a minor at that time, so maybe it was a friendly thing.

it didn't matter though, i told him that i wasn't interested in him. also... spencer, right?

spencer was a guy i'd been talking to, and i won't lie, he's pretty cute. 

i don't know. i try not to think about it because it makes my brain hurt. so, uh, yeah. that's that.

lost in my ever loving train of thoughts, i wasn't watching where i was going, and i ran into someone.

not just someone.

peter, of all people. the one guy i was trying to avoid.

lovely. absolutely lovely.

"heyyy, birthday girl! how's the party?"

"uh. yeah, it's... awesome," i winced.

"not your scene? okay, but, like, bright side?" he paused, as if he were waiting for me to say something, but when i didn't, he continued. "you're a legal adult! not a minor anymore, right?"

he had this unusual twinkle in his eye, like there was more to unpack. peter pulled me close to him, chugging wherever it was in the red solo cup he had in his hand.

pete's hand... was lower than comfortable, but i figured it was best not to say anything.

it was obvious he was totally out of it, and i inhaled sharply at the sharp stench of alcohol.

"wanna get out of here?" he asked, gripping me harder.

"um..." i wasn't sure what he was implying, because he literally could. not. take me anywhere.

"c'mon."

"wait, i—"

too late. i was already being dragged out the door. pete brought me out in front of his car... well, his old truck.

"no, no, no. you're way too drunk to drive, peter. you aren't taking me anywhere."

he groaned, rolling his eyes. "buzzkill."

i inhaled sharply, stopping myself from getting upset. he wouldn't normally do something like this... right?

"all right, fine, fine," he slurred. "h-how about... ooh! let's go to my place!"

i hesitated, unsure of how comfortable i felt with that. especially since he'd been so weird, with all the touching. i knew that he didn't live in a dorm and—

wait, what?

no, no. peter and i were friends, and i could trust him, right? it could have been the alcohol that was making the edges of my brain turn fuzzy, but i finally agreed.

"um, okay."

"mm. it's like..." pete hiccuped, and mentally facepalmed. "somewhere here."

"you're lucky i know the way, dummy." i said, smacking his head. he did nothing but grin back at me.

we walked in silence, or i did really, while he babbled on about the most random things. i didn't mind it, considering he was drunk.

it was chilly outside, and the cold air nipped at my skin, making me shiver. peter must have noticed this, because he swung a hand over my shoulders, lazily pulling me close.

i thought it best not to say anything, and also, he was warm. so, i guess i wasn't complaining all that much.

eventually, we got to his place. he fumbled with the keys, trying to shove it into the lock. unsuccessfully, might i add.

getting tired, i took them from him, unlocking the door.

"there we go." i pushed him inside, shutting the door behind me. "how about we get you come water?" peter didn't argue as i pulled open a cabinet, grabbing a cup. i filled it up with water for him and handed it over.

"drink it. all of it."

"yes, mom."

it seemed like that helped him sober up slightly, and i flopped down on the couch. that party had exhausted me altogether. peter was quiet as he sat down next to me, rubbing his eyes.

he looked over at me, but i kept my eyes fixed at the tv in front. i was flipping though channels, trying to find something good.

"look at me," he whispered.

i sucked in a breath, turning my head to do so, "yeah?"

and then, that's when it happened. so quickly and roughly, i didn't even register it. because one second we were face to face, and the next, he was grabbing my face, kissing me.

instantly, i pulled away, looking at him in horror. "what the fuck, peter? you can't— you can't do that!"

"do what?" he stared dumbly.

i just blinked at him, confused. "i..."

he kissed me, without consent. that wasn't okay, right? peter just looked at me, raising an eyebrow. was this because he was drunk?

"well, i- you just kissed me?"

"so? i thought you were chill. besides, you were basically asking for this."

what did he mean? asking for it? i wasn't asking for anything. i didn't even like him like that, and i thought he knew that. well, i mean, i was pretty sure. kind of. 

"b-but i wasn't." i was trying to make my voice more firm, but it probably (most likely) sounded very pathetic. clearing my throat, i tried again, "peter, i don't like you that way. as a friend, of course, but not... not more than that. this one time it's okay, since i guess it's also on me for not making that clear."

"don't like me that way? are you serious?"

"well-"

"you come around, to my house, dressed in that, and you expect me to think we're just friends? i did you the favor of waiting until you were 'of legal age' and all that crap, so what the fuck are you on about?"

"pe-"

"you've literally been sleazing around like a slut, practically begging for attention."

no, he was reading this wrong. i met him at the cafe i worked at, and we hit it off. as friends. besides, he was older than me. well, not by much, but still. and what did he mean by "slut"? it was my birthday party! that i didn't even want to be at! peter was the one who invited me here, right?

"and, on top of that, you've been leading me on. now that's fucked up."

"leading-? yes, okay, maybe a little. and- and i'm really sorry about that, but-" i backed up into the couch, trying to move away from him.

"i love you, y/n/n. and," he scoffed, "and i can treat you way better then any of these other guys."

love? he loves me? how- we've only known each other for a couple months. 

i thought, if anything, this was platonic flirting. was this really my fault?

"i think i should go, peter, we can talk later." i was uncomfortable now. no, past that.

i was scared. 

peter was scaring me.

"i'm not into you, and i'm-"

"seeing that other guy?" he finished. "what was his name, again? spencer? ever wonder what happened to him?" there was a dangerous look in his eye, and that's all it took for me to understand.

"oh my god, what did you do?"

"what i needed to," peter pinned my hands above the wall, "i was gonna wait, and do this the nice way, but you've left me with no choice."

"no, please, peter," i choked out, tears streaming down my face. 

"this is your fault, y/n."

and it must have been. i hurt him, so this was only fair. 

right?

taglist!

@whatsupstark

[stardustmade009]

12/29/23 Hasan Piker said to please defend him more, finally I have been given the permission I need to sephiroth post. Late Christmas Early New Year Miracle!!!! Drama frog rejoice

(cross posting from reddit)

Hi long time lurker. And look, this is a page about HASAN PIKER. This is the place for what I'm about to do, I'm a girl with a bunch of interests and sometimes those interests intersect in ways I just sit on for years cause quite honestly I'm using "girl" v loosely and I'm 31 woman and I know what "cringe" is because I wrote the book, so I just kinda shit post in comments on twitter to release the stress of being a fan of Hasan, and I don't have a twitter anymore, so I thought I was just going to have to die on this.

But finally, on this day I was watching a clip from the 12-29-23 at 4 in the morning cause I got off work early (https://youtu.be/kMwQQmVMcAw?si=XhjWf6R_O5UgH9MX&t=294) and I got all I need to let out about 4 years of built up Hasan drama. So mods, Daddy said I could so please please please don't delete this. This is perfect fodder on who to block personally and as I will elaborate, I done my time in this community, just let me have my soap box.

Who am I and what give me this authority? (a disclaimer) As stated above I'm up at 4 am, and this is "off early", I work nightshift factory job in middle america who's worked there for 10 years with a long side story I will not bore you with. I found Hasan when he did the breakdown on fb and just liked the way he broke down the news. Is he a perfect person? No. There are many things I wish he didn't do. (Hoobastank) But on the whole, solid person who's world view is refreshing to listen to and I don't lose sleep in supporting my like in him because he tries to be ethical with his spending and its like $5, come on, I can spend $5 to enjoy myself ad free at that top of the hour if I want. I work 12 hour shifts.

But as I said, I work 12 hours, and where Hasan sometimes makes 10 hours of content, I also have other interests and sometimes I'm doing that, sometimes I'm a drama girlie (and it's super sexist if you judge me), sometimes I'm a goblin. And boy howdy how I wish the drama girlies would rally around Hasan because he's chill with QT and Rae, cause then I wouldn't have to do this myself. But alas, we must all sometimes be the change we want to see in the world, and the drama girlies don't know about this filth, so here I am. Youtube channel-less and angry. So I'm gonna vent about the latest drama here for a moment cause I've been sitting on this need since Hasan's biggest mistake, befriend the worlds more admired online deadbead father since Onision, Steven Kenneth Bonnell II (wiki).

The Meat and Potatoes (If you don't want my auto-bio but wanna be a drama goblin with me) I find it ABSOLUTELY INSANE that ANYONE in the dgg orbit thinks they get to get their fucking panties in a twist over "edgy jokes" like mocking Claira "Harassed a woman over a tweet about a cookbook for two years" Sorrenti doing cocaine with a Road Runner gif when she went on a very public bender and harassed every fucking person she could and hides behind being a fucking addict instead of showing even a drop of remorse for her action past the "I want to keep my job and keep calling myself the one true leftist so I'm sorry uwu" video/clip from a stream she didn't even have the time to do on its own, I don't remember but I watched it and she was full of shit cause I don't believe the cocaine bender was 2 years, aka the amount of time she harassed Roslyn Talusan, unless those "tasty noodles" has the flour subbed out with cocaine.

"Oh but but but Hasan said the r slur that one time" harks the orbitor. oh, wow. The community where if I even could edit there is no program around that could make a montauge of the amoung of time even one of your favs has said it, and Hasan has, say it with me, changed and tries not to be a fucking asshole, something you orbitor fucks could never understand.And the most insane of it all is the worse thing you could list of things Hasan REALLY did and has shown zero remorse for, beside the cracker thing, they cheered gleefully because they liked his more dirtbag shit. Hasan having the most unhinged reaction to being asked to not do a fundraiser with Hogwarts Legacy for the trans community, I've never seen them gargle balls harder. WHY?? Cause they wanted to bully Jessie Gender, a truly respectable person.

That was the only real thing. (a bit tongue in cheek I'm too high and this is much longer than I planned on he has done some other things. but they were mouth to sack there too)

"Oh but he was wrong about RUSSIA!!!!!" Do you fire the weather person for being wrong? Shut up.

So to all of them, either get a real job other than being the most annoying online cult or hurry up and drink the coolaid or whatever your own cults endgame is. I've blocked you and you're still leaking through. Idk. Idc. Just leave Hasan Piker Alone.

[melspuppies8282]

Gamzee - I feel absolutely feral over any of the purplebloods, but especially Gamzee. I love him so much. Probably a big part of it is that he's a capricorn and that we both have similar home lives. But I've always found him to be the coolest character, I wish he had more screentime. I love that he's a look into childhood trauma and religious trauma, something that a lot of people, especially where I live in America, are subjected to. He's so loyal to his religion, and there's a multitude of reasons as to why that could be, but he doesn't have an identity out of it, which is how a lot of people with religious trauma feel. You lose not only yourself but the people around you due to religion, and I think all the purplebloods are a prime example of that and the mentality that "the church knows what's best for you, others don't". Also Gamzee in homestuck is very passive most of the time, he offers advice no one takes, he is always there to listen but no one asks if he's good, and he's kind of tossed aside until he has a meltdown/goes sober. I think it's relatable to a lot of people because once you stop being the chill friend and you start setting boundaries or you start cutting people off, suddenly you're the bad guy. If me and gamzee met I think we'd be cool with each other, not even joking. I think I'm open minded enough to listen to this fool talk about rainbows for 20 years OR to just make sure he's good (after the sober shit). I am pissed off tho over HS².

Eridan - ERIDAN MY BELOVEDDDDD. I love Eridan. The fandom does this man so dirty. Eridan literally only needed a friend. And not a friend that just tries to make him do what they want (*cough*fef*cough*). He needed a friend like Karkat (and I got hella BEEF WITH KARKAT OVER A LOT OF HIS SHIT but that's for another day). Eridan literally felt like he was more friends with Karkat and anyone else, and it's because Karkat literally gave him his own options, not just tell Eridan what to do. He literally couldn't stand Sollux, and not even in a kismisis way, but like a genuine distain and whenever he tried to express that people tried to force a relationship on him that wasn't even true. It wasn't like what he had with Veiska were they wouldn't hurt each other, like Eridan literally wanted Sollux dead and his friends were like "we get it you wanna fuck—" NO B HE DID NOT WANT TO. LISTEN WHEN HE TALKS FFS. Eridan deserved so much better, bro. If we met he'd call me a slur but I think just like with Gamzee I'd have the patience to listen to him and actually be like "well why is that" and he'd be able to let off steam. I miss the bastard.

BONUS:

Chahut - adding hiveswap too just for the fun of it. But like I said, I love the fuckin clownsssss. I love how relatable chahut is because like this girl is going through hard emotions with going off planet and being an adult. She's so terrified of growing up that she's reckless. It's literally all over her pesterquest that she's doing stuff TO get in trouble or the possibility OF getting in trouble so she has an excuse to not grow up. Which I totally get as a 23 year old, I'm absolutely terrified of being 25 and the thought of it terrifies me due to trauma. I love her character because she has this front and it's so clear it's a front but it's also not COMPLETELY a front. Like, she's playing a character and the character is herself type stuff. If I met her in person though she'd either kill me or we'd go to church together and I'd get the shit beat out of me there, tho.

Zebruh - I just like this dude because he's a stinky, filthy, evil, awful Stan. He's manipulative and horrid. I like that in a man. If we met he'd probably get in my pants bc I'm too nervous to say no, tho. Also his dad would terrify the crap out of me and call me a slur.

For your favorite Homestuck character, how is it that you feel towards them? Why is that?

What do you like about them?

Do you relate to them or just like them?

If you could meet them what would yall do? How do you feel about how the fanbase or even writers perceive them?

Feel free to ramble and overshare if you want, I'd actually love to hear all of it from anybody who's willing to share, because I'm very curious as to why people love the HS characters they do so much. We all kind of fixate on that one character, and tbh most of the characters I don't really get, so I'd like to hear what makes each character special to yall, so that maybe I can understand the appeal of more of them. :)

[thoughts-of-a-heathen]

Werewolves in Scandinavian folklore

Forget all that you thought you knew about werewolves; this post is about Scandinavian werewolves, and they are quite different from the werewolves you can find in modern pop culture.

First of all, Scandinavian werewolves aren't necessarily wolves. According to Isof (the Swedish Institute for Language and Folklore), people transformed into the type of carnivorous animals that could be found within the local region. In southern Sweden, people turned into dogs, in central Sweden they usually turned into wolves, and in the northern parts of the country, people often took the shape of a bear. There are also stories of people turning into other animals, for example wolverines, but these are far less common. In Norway, it seems like people mainly turned into bears or wolves.

There are many regional names for werewolves:

hamnvarg (hamr wolf)

hamnbjörn (hamr bear)

hamløper (hamr runner)

fähusbjörn (cattle house bear)

knivskedsbjörn (knife sheath bear)

lappbjörn (racial slur¹ + bear)

manulv (man wolf)

manvarg (man wolf)

mankuse (man devil?²)

marulv (mare wolf)

vittvarg (vittra + wolf)

The act of being a werewolf could also be described like

gå björn (walk [around like a] bear)

gå i björn (walk in bear [hamr])

spå i björn ('divinate in bear'³)

löpa i björn (run in bear [hamr])

gå i björnham (walk in bear hamr)

vänd till björn (turn [in]to [a] bear)

(In cases where the person turned into a wolf, it would of course be called "löpa i varg" etc.)

(In standard Swedish, werewolf is 'varulv,' which means 'man wolf.')

"Stundum i vargs ham"

In Strengleikar (which probably was created around 1250), the Norwegian translator of Bisclaretz ljóð/ Bisclavret has added his personal experience to the story. In his childhood, he had known of a rich farmer who was "hamskiftisk" (a shapeshifter). "Stundum var han maðr. Stundum i vargs ham." ('Sometimes he was a man. Sometimes [he was] in wolf hamr.')

Three legs

"The werewolf looked like a large, shaggy dog with fiery red eyes, and who was running on three legs. The person who [...] has the tragic fate of trotting around at night as a werewolf, was transformed as soon as he fell asleep in the evening, [in such a way that] one of his arms turned into a tail, the other one a leg, and the head was made pointy like a wolf's head, and after [the transformation] was completed, he jumped, on his three legs, out of the bed, and began his horrid night walks."

- Nicolovius, Folklivet i Skytts härad

Now is probably a good time for me to mention that Scandinavian werewolves don't spread the curse by biting people. So put that notion aside for the rest of this read.

In Scandinavian folklore, people turn into werewolves because of magic. Werewolf transformation can be divided into two groups: voluntary and involuntary transformations.

Voluntary Transformations

The voluntary transformations usually involve magical objects - a belt, a salve, the skin of an animal etc. Many sägner talk about belts that were made of human skin. But any old belt made of human skin wouldn't suffice - oh no! The crafting process included several magical rituals, performed under the right circumstances, by the right kind of person. It must also be used correctly, or it won't work. The older generations often made sure to teach the younger about these (and other) rituals and spells before their confirmation. If people had "learned some of God's words" before they learned the traditional spells and rituals, the magic wouldn't be as powerful.

Some examples of voluntary transformations:

"If they put on a bear skin or wolf skin, they could turn into bears or wolves. They threw off the skin when they wanted to become human again."

Västra Emterviks socken, Värmland, Sweden

"[At Vargkluggbacka] there lived a merchant from Tukkum, Estonia, who had a wolf skin and inhabited [the shape of] a wolf, until they shot him dead. It didn't work until they made a bullet out of a button that was made from inherited silver."

Runö, Saaremaa, Estonia

"I don't know of any other werewolves than the one that spent a whole year hunting in Transtrand and Lima in Dalarna. They shot it here in this area on a Christmas morning. An old man had made a bullet from his wife's wedding ring, and that was the bullet that killed [the bear]. [....] It was a boy who had turned into a bear. It is said that they found the knife and the belt inside of the [bear] skin."

Dalby, Värmland, Sweden

"Some men had a bear skin [that they would] crawl into."

Mora, Dalarna, Sweden

People would typically want to become a werewolf so that they could get revenge. Therefore, they often turned into the animal that would cause the most harm.

Another reason could be starvation - people who didn't have enough to eat would allegedly turn into bears. (This explanation is very uncommon.)

The voluntary transformations could usually be reversed by performing the transformation ritual again, but - you guessed it - in reverse. People who shape shifted with the help of an animal skin would simply remove it when they wanted to return to their human form.

People who turned themselves into werewolves often went mad.

Involuntary Transformations

Involuntary transformations could happen for a number of reasons. It could be the result of a curse. These types of curses are common in medieval ballads, as well as in sägner. However, the most popular cure in the ballads (drinking the life blood of a family member) is almost unheard of in sägner. But the belief that a werewolf can lift the curse by eating a fetus from a pregnant woman can be found in medieval ballads and sägner alike.

In the ballad of the enchanted knight (Den förtrollade riddaren), the two gory cures are combined:

[A stepmother abuses her step son, and the turns him into a wolf and tells him to go live in the forest. He ambushes her and pulls her off the horse]:

"Then I with resentment / ripped the fetus out of her body.

When I had drunk my brother's blood / I turned into a good and noble knight."

In the Danish version of this story, the werewolf/protagonist is a young maiden. She rips her unborn brother out of the stepmother's womb, and then runs into the forest with the baby. But she doesn't kill him:

"I bit him in his pinky toe / [because I wanted] him to be baptized and christened."

It is said that a pregnant woman who got attacked by a werewolf could save herself by throwing a piece of clothing at the beast. The werewolf had to rip the garment to shreds, which hopefully would give the woman enough time to escape.

This is seemingly what the maiden is trying to do in the medieval ballad The Werewolf (Varulven):

[The maiden is going to meet her beloved in the forest. They have had premarital sex, and the maiden is pregnant. In the forest, she is attacked by a (were)wolf]:

"Dear wolf, don't bite me. / I will give you my silken sark.

- I don't care about your silken sark / Your young life and blood has to go."

[The maiden keeps pleading for her life, but the wolf refuses to listen. She climbs into an oak tree. The wolf digs up all the roots of the oak, and the tree falls over. The maiden screams. Her beloved hears this, and saddles his horse. But even though he is riding "a little faster than the bird was flying," it is too late]:

"On his way to the blooming grove, / he meets the wolf with the fetus in its mouth."

A band called Garmarna has recorded a version of this ballad (that doesn't include the verse about the fetus):

The belief that werewolves attacked pregnant women was so well established that some versions of these ballads don't even mention pregnancy or fetuses.

With this in mind, it's no wonder that many pregnant women didn't want to leave their homes alone, but would insist on bringing a man with them for protection:

"Werewolves were considered to be particularly dangerous to pregnant women, who they wanted to rip apart; and because of this, such women rarely dared to go out in the dark without being accompanied by a male person."

- Nicolovius, Folklivet i Skytts härad

But in some sägner, the werewolf (or rather: werebear) doesn't harm the fetus, because the werebear can break the curse by raising the child that it has ripped from the womb.

According to Dagligt liv i Norden i det sekstende århundrede by Troels Troels-Lund, this was a telltale sign that the bear was a transformed human:

"Rigtige Bjørne var derimod kendelige paa, at de med største Velbehag aad Fostret."

(Loosely translated: "Real bears, on the other hand, could be recognised by the fact that they ate the fetus with great pleasure.")

That being said, there are plenty of stories about real bears ripping fetuses out of the womb and raising them as their own.

Scandinavian folklore is diverse, and a little bit contradictory.

Other werewolf cures include:

telling the werewolf that they are a werewolf

calling them by their real name

showing them compassion and giving them food

hitting them across their mouth

convincing the person who turned them into a werewolf to lift the curse

destroying the magical objects that had been used to turn them into a werewolf (in case such things had been used)

In some cases, the curse is lifted automatically after a certain amount of time (usually seven years):

"The old woman in Sofigården turned her own son into a wolf. She was angry that he felt compassion for the wolves. When they were hungry, and approached [the house], he usually made sure that they got something to eat. One time he fed them a cat. Then the mother came and said: 'You will be allowed to [stay] with them too." He was transformed into a wolf, and traveled with the wolf pack. He was gone for seven years. Then he came [back] to Sofigården. When he walked through the door, the wolf skin fell from him. The mother took it and burned it. But then the boy started digging in the ashes and howled like a wolf. When it was the time of Christmas Eve, a throng of wolves came to the farm. When the boy saw the wolf pack, he cried and went out to them. He understood the language of the wolves. He took the largest goat and carried it out to them. Since it was Christmas Eve, his mother didn't scold him for it. The animals on that farm never ran the risk of being killed by wolves."

Norra Finnskoga, Värmland, Sweden

Xenophobia

Many sägner about werewolf curses are xenophobic. The Sami, as well as Finns, are often accused of turning people into werewolves:

"He got [the curse of being] transformed into a wolf in Finland. He obviously must have spoken with some Finnish woman and been cursed [by her]. He had to be a wolf until someone called him by his real name. His name was Lasse. His wife waited for him, but he never returned back home. One time, the wife was baking. Then she saw a wolf outside [the house]. She went out with her baker's peel to scare away [the wolf]. 'Why are you roaming around here?" she said, "Shoo on you, Lasse!" Then the man appeared in front of her. He was released from [the curse], but the tail was still on him, it never disappeared. Someone from Appuna told me. It is said to have happened during her grandmother's lifetime."

Högby socken, Östergötland, Sweden

"My aunt told me so many times about the one time, when she was standing by the Mösch lake, and she saw a wolf on the other side [of the lake] who was looking at her in a cunning way. My aunt was young back then. She said: 'Poor you, Per, are you standing there?' Then the wolf cloak fell from him, and he went around the lake and thanked her. It was [racial slur for Sami people] hags who turned people into critters. [People] could turn into wolves, and have to be with other wolves, and when they killed an animal, they had to eat, even though they didn't want to."

Älgarås socken, Västergötland, Sweden

The Sami and Finns were thought to have the ability to talk to animals. The story from Värmland that I have already quoted continues:

"There where wolves everywhere around here a long time ago, they came from the place where the Finns lived, they were wearing [animal skins] (transformed from humans!) Then a Finn came down here once, and when I told him how I dreaded the many wolves, he sent them back to the place they came from."

Västra Emterviks socken, Värmland, Sweden

The Roma people could also be accused of cursing people and turning them into werewolves:

"[...] a group of g*psies appears, and an old woman, who is their leader, enters [the house] and begs insolently. She is rejected and threatens [the tailor], but is driven out with a cane. Then she hits [the tailor] three times on the head with her magical wand, and he turns into a wolf and runs howling into the forest."

- En mycket märkwärdig Historia om en Wandringsman som i sjuttonde seklet blef, i tio års tid, förvandlad till en Warg. Mycket förunderlig att läsa (1846), as told by Ella Odstedt in Varulven i svensk tradition (1943)

These beliefs are racist, and they are understood and identified as such in Scandinavian discourse.

However, it is important to keep in mind that the folklore surrounding werewolves is older than the racist narratives that have since become a part of it. The xenophobia can often be traced back to specific historical events, like wars or societal changes. After a war with Russia, people in Sweden accused the Russians of turning Swedish soldiers into wolves and then sending them to terrorise Swedish farmers...

Werewolves tales that mention the Sami or Finns are more common in the northern parts of Scandinavia.

In some sägner, a Sami farmhand/servant/similar turns into a wolf or a bear at night, eats the livestock of the farmer who hired him, and then turns back into a human and goes back to sleep in his bed in the farmhouse.

It should be noted that members of any marginalized community could be accused of turning people into werewolves. This is a friendly reminder that the term vargamor is a slur in this context. The way it's currently being used on Tumblr has no basis in Scandinavian folklore.

But yeah. When society is destabilised, or things change, or when people feel scared, it's always handy to have a scapegoat.

Since the majority of my followers aren't from Scandinavia, let me give you some historical context:

Most people were either farmers or city dwellers (living in one place, not moving around)

The Bible (allegedly) tells people to live and work as farmers

Therefore, traveling people are not Good Christians™️

Criminals could literally be sentenced to "be driven out of town"

Which sort of explains why people didn't trust travelers

The world was also divided into cultivated land (where humans lived) and the wilderness (where animals and magical beings resided)

Travelers, or people who lived outside of the "human" realm were looked upon with suspicion

The Sami usually lived in "the wilderness"

So did many of the Finns who migrated to Sweden in the 17th century (they started cultivating forest land)

The Roma people traveled (because they weren't allowed to stay anywhere, basically)

Poor people often had to live in huts in or close to the forest

Lots of poor people also had to wander around and beg for food, clothes, shelter and so on

You cannot separate our folklore from our history - they are intertwined

Anyway, werewolves...

People who had been turned into werewolves, but then had the curse lifted, could still understand what the animals were saying. A different version of the story of the cursed tailor goes:

"A human could be forced to take the shape of an animal. It happened through someone else's magical arts. It is said that there was a tailor who got transformed into a wolf. But once the curse was broken, and he had become a human again, he understood the howls of the wolves. One night, he and the farmer who he was sewing for stood out on the porch and talked. Then the wolves started howling in the forest. "How the wolves howl! I wonder what they're saying?" said the farmer. "Oh, they said that they're going to kill your white mare tonight, so you should probably bring her home," the tailor said. But the farmer didn't listen to him, and left the mare out in the enclosure for the night. But in the morning, the wolves had been there killed her."

Lenhovda socken, Småland, Sverige

As mentioned in the sägen from Älgarås, [most] people could no longer control their own actions when they had turned into werewolves. This made them dangerous to the people around them:

"They didn't know where [Gråbein-Arne] came from. But there was still a rumour that said that he was a werewolf - that [someone] had cursed him in such a way that he sometimes turned into a wolf. And then he could become a danger to both humans and animals. One day, when Arne and a maid were harvesting hay together, he felt that the curse was coming over him. Therefore he warned the girl that he had to climb up in a tree. And no later than she had climbed the tree, Arne threw his scythe and clothing, and slipped into a wolf hamr, started howling like a wolf, and set off into the forest. It wasn't too long before he returned, in human form, put on his clothes again, and continued his work. But he told the girl that she had escaped up into the tree at the last minute, because when he had his wolf hours, he couldn't stop himself from ripping apart every living [thing]. After this kind of wolf hours, he was pale and limp, so it probably tool its toll on him. But otherwise he was compliant and friendly."

Tresfjord, Møre og Romsdal fylke, Norway

The notion that people could sense the transformation before it happened is quite widespread:

"At the farmer H---- [...], a beggar entered one night, who with the permission of the [farmer and his wife] lied down to rest on the bench next to the tile stove, while the farmer, his wife, and the servants, worked in candlelight; but as soon as [the begger] had fallen asleep, he yelled in his sleep: 'here grows a tail'; which made everyone who was present jump to their feet, as they knew that these words always⁴ preceded the horrible transformation, and watched in terror, as a large, thre-legged werewolf snuck out of the house."

- Nicolovius, Folklivet i Skytts härad

Interestingly enough, a sägen from Asarum, Blekinge (Sweden) states that "such a förhamning ('changing of hamn') didn't pose a threat to livestock, but to women."

"Through the Light-Headedness of the Mother"

Curses weren't the only thing that could turn people into werewolves. In southern Sweden, it was believed that you could make your labor process less painful if you crawled under a mare, gave birth to the baby on a spot where a mare had rolled around, or if you crawled through a horse harness or the foetal membrane of a foal. By doing this, giving birth would be just as easy for you as [people thought] it was for a horse. However, this practice was frowned upon, as it was believed that it harmed the unborn child. If it was a boy, it would become a werewolf. (If it was a girl, it would become a mare.)

(The mother would be blamed for all kinds of birth defects - real or imagined. Don't look a hare in the face while you're pregnant, or your child will have a cleft lip...)

As I have already mentioned in a post about cats, it was believed that a newborn baby would become a werewolf if a cat stared at the babies crib. And if a cat walked under a coffin, and then under a bed where someone was giving birth, this would also turn the child into a werewolf.

According to Isof, certain physical characteristics could be a sign of someone being a werewolf: monobrows and bushy eyebrows, worn down or damaged teeth, facial scars, a lack of beard or body hair... If a person didn't have a shadow, that was a clear sign. If people ran up stairs or hills on all fours, they were probably werewolves. People who were tired during the day were also suspected of being werewolves.

The full moon isn't mentioned in Scandinavian sägner about werewolves. It is common for the transformation to happen at night, but it could also happen during the day. Some werewolves would transform every evening, others would have specific days, months, or times of the year (like Christmas). Some, like the boy from Sofigården mentioned above, would be werewolves for years.⁵ In other cases, they were cursed for life.

Killing a Werewolf

It was hard, almost impossible, to kill a werewolf:

"A [person] who walked in bear hamr was almost invulnerable."

Lima, Dalarna, Sweden

This was especially true for werewolves who had transformed voluntarily. During the transformation ritual, they would mention all human weapons, which would make the weapons ineffective and harmless.

Werewolves could be killed with silver bullets, or with ammunition containing pages from a psalmody, communion wafers, or other sacred [Christian] things.

Sometimes the werewolf was killed by a (seemingly random) household object that they forgot to mention during the transformation ritual. In one sägen, the werewolf is killed with a flax rippler.

Flax rippler, Nordiska museet

However, killing the beast wouldn't necessarily break the curse:

"If you shot a werewolf, he would die, because [the bullet] hit the person, and the hamr would stay [intact], [and therefore] nobody would know that it was a human [that had been shot]."

Älghult, Småland, Sweden

The plethora of phrases used to describe the hamr concept suggests that different regions/people had their own (local) take on it. (I will probably make a separate post about this eventually.)

Gender

Even though it is more common for men to become werewolves, there are some cases of women being transformed:

"[...] but still I remember that in my youth, there was a horrid old woman who was said to sometimes 'löpa björn' ('run bear'= turn into a bear), and who for that reason was called Biörngäntan ('the bear girl⁶').

- Glysisvallur by Olof Broman, Hälsingland

"A sägen has been told in Rissätra, about how someone from the village once shot a woman who had 'worn [a] bear hamr.' It was revealed because the she-bear had braided hair like a woman."

Rissätra, Dalarna, Sweden

This post is getting ridiculously long, so let's end it with an incredibly vague story:

"In Russia it is quite common for the entire wedding entourage to be turned into wolves, and afterwards, you can recognize the bridal couple by the white wreaths around their necks."

Ormsö, Läänemmaa, Estonia

TL;DR Scandinavian werewolves

Appear in the shape of wolves, bears, dogs, or wolverines, depending on the region

Usually have three legs

They aren't affected by the full moon

But it's common that they transform at night

They don't spread the curse by biting people

People become werewolves because of magic - their own or someone else's

There are many different ways to break the curse

¹This name probably comes from the belief that the Sami people were able to turn people into animals. You should under no circumstances refer to anyone (or anything) Sami using the word "lapp." However, "lapp" can also mean something like "a small piece of a flat material" (like paper or fabric); a note or a patch. You need to look at the context. This is especially true for compound words - "lapptäcke" just means quilt...

²Kuse has many translations. It could also mean wolf, thug, insect... (SAOB)

³But what this really means is "using magic to transform into a bear"

⁴This obviously isn't true for all of Scandinavia (or even Skåne). Folklore is very diverse and inconsistent.

⁵Usually seven years, according to Isof.

⁶Alternatively: the bear spinster

Sources:

Isof

Ella Odstedt: Varulven i svensk folktradition

[vyeoh]

I need to rant about how terrible twitter is because I once again made the mistake of looking at quote tweets (specifically the ones on scott's tweet) and I am now pissed

HUGE TW for mentions of suicide, self harm, homophobic slurs and twitter bullshit.

I'm still so fucking pissed about twt harassing scott smajor for literally anything he does. He made a funny tweet today about how this barista thought that him and Jack were a couple and the quote tweets were absolutely awful.

A few points right off the bat:

1) notice that most to all of these people are bench twt. Thought that was interesting to point out. Should we be surprised that they are like this when they don't even respect their own streamers' boundaries?

2) A lot of these people are implying that Scott is being weird by tweeting this about him and his roommate because Scott's an older gay man. First of all, he was literally born in 1995 thats not that old?? Second of all this is so goddamn homophobic. Would you say the same thing if Wil and Jack were roommates and Wilbur tweeted about someone mistaking them for a couple? Likely no, because they are both straight men and stan twitter finds wilbur hot. Do you know what one of the most common, long standing bigoted take on queerness is? That its transmissable. So many people (me included) have been harmed by this notion, and the fact that these twitter users are just,, throwing this shit around just shows how fucking sheltered and privileged they are.

3) some of the replies are saying that some stuff scott said in the past made them uncomfortable which. I have some thoughts on holding words from years ago to today's standards that I dont wanna get into but. Being offended or uncomfortable is not a free pass to be homophobic or tell someone to kys?? What the actual fuck??

4) a reminder on reclaimation: reclaiming a slur does not mean that someone of that community can weaponize it against people in their community. It is giving a word a different, positive or neutral connotation, and using it in the context of that new connotation. Being gay does not, in fact, allow you to call other gay people the f slur as an insult.

5) let's not pretend that this isn't also tied to Scott being a more "stereotypical", very openly gay man. There's such an emphasis on how lgbt people aren't stereotypes to the point where is you do follow stereotypes, its something bad. There's also the emphasis on assimilation, and how if you're visibly queer and don't fit into the cishet establishment, you're seen as dangerous not only by cishets but also some other lgbts for being "too gay/trans/etc". If Scott wasn't as loudly gay as he was, there's not doubt in my mind that people wouldn't hate him as much as they do.

6) adding this: Scott checks his quote tweets. I know for a fact he does because he's replied to my and other people's quote tweets before. I really hope he stops soon because as much as I adore him for being so engaged with his fanbase, there's gotta be better ways to do so that allowed for less harassment.

I was super into mcyt during the og era, and scott was one of the first lgbt people I saw, like, ever. His coming out video genuinely helped me so much, and his general constant presence as a lgbt content creator in a community that was known to be 10 year old gamer boys meant (and still means) so much to me. So yeah. Scott Smajor supremacy.

[cherryskyies]

Hiraeth

Part 1 of a 2 part series.  

Albedo x Fem!reader

Pt.1 // Pt.2

Caught up in work, Albedo doesn’t realize he’s neglecting you.

Word count: 900

Warnings: Alcohol, angst, not edited

Main Masterlist

"Where do you plan on going tonight?" Albedo asked, his hair falling into his eyes slightly as he looked up to see what you were doing. 

You shrugged, continuing to place the bobby pins in your hair, "Not sure, probably Angel's Share with Kaeya and Venti."

Albedo hummed in acknowledgment, though if you were to ask him to repeat what you had just told him, he wouldn't be able to do it as his focus was on the bowl in front of him.

"Have fun doing that, and take Kaeya or something with you so you aren't alone." 

Shooting him a confused glance, you finished your hair, "Did you even hear what I said to you?" 

No, the answer was no.

Pausing his study for a moment, Albedo looked up, "Sorry, this is just really important right now. Have fun though."

If he had continued to look at you for a split second longer, he would have seen the hurt flash across your face at his words.

"Right, right, because that's so much more important," you said sarcastically, though Albedo wasn't able to recognize the sarcasm. 

With a sigh, you grabbed your money, "I love you, don't overwork yourself or anything."

"Mhm, love you too." 

You stood in place for a second longer, upset with the lack of attention and care. Normally, you wouldn’t be so upset over something this small, but seeing as this is a daily occurrence, you can’t help but feel neglected. I mean, he didn’t even bother asking what time you’d be home.

Pushing your thoughts to the back of your mind, you left the house. This is your night and Albedo isn’t going to ruin it, you refused. 

“Kaeya!” you yelled, engulfing him in a hug. “How have you been? I think it’s been a month since I last saw you. Dragonspine is hard to get out of sometimes.” 

Kaeya laughed, hooking an arm around your waist as he went into detail about his month. If it was anyone else, you would’ve felt uncomfortable with the skinship, but you knew Kaeya didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just the type of person he is.

“And then I almost fell off a cliff. You should’ve seen it!” Kaeya finished, pushing the door open and allowing you to enter first. “You know, you should think about coming back to Mondstadt. It’s painfully obvious you hate Dragonspine.”

You looked at him, a sad smile on your face. He was right, you absolutely despised Dragonspine. It was too cold, too harsh, and unwelcoming. “You know I can’t do that-”

“Kaeya! (y/n)! Over here, I saved you guys a seat,” Venti called, waving his arms obnoxiously on the other side of the bar. When neither of you looked at him, he was ready to yell again, thinking he wasn’t loud enough the first time. “Kaey-”

Kaeya waved his hand, finally acknowledging the bard and stopping him mid yell. 

You were on Venti’s left and Kaeya on the right, “I’m pretty sure the entirety of Mondstadt heard you yelling for us, Venti.” 

The bard shrugged, obviously drunk, “I wasn’t sure at first, neither of you acknowledged me.”

Kaeya rolled his eyes, “What do you want, (y/n)? I’ll get us drinks.”

You scanned the menu for a moment, none of the names sounding familiar, “Uh.. I’ll just get whatever you get.”

“I will also take whatever you get,” Venti added. 

Kaey left to gather your drinks, leaving you alone with Venti.

“So, how's the boyfriend.” Venti managed, slurring his words ever so slightly. “Al..Albedo Is it?” He questioned, unsure of himself.

You nodded, “Yes, Albedo. We aren’t too bad, could be better.”

“Uh oh, trouble in paradise?” Kaeya cut in, setting your drink down in front of you. “What happened?”

The drink was clear, strong enough to make Venti scrunch his face as he took a sip. Vodka, you decided. 

“Nothing too bad,” you started, stirring the contents of the glass with your little blak straw before taking a sip. “He just- wow, warm vodka. Really, Kaeya?” 

He rolled his eyes, “Continue. He what?”

Right, you thought. 

“He’s just been neglecting me lately,” you finished, taking another sip. “I understand this is his job and that he has dedicated his entire life to it, but I wish he could dedicate some time to me too. It’s lonely up in Dragonspine.”

Kaeya and Venti were both silent, you could tell they felt bad, “Have you tried talking to him about it? Explaining how you feel, how he makes you feel?”

“Yeah!” Venti agreed. “Communication is important.”

This was one of those times where you can’t count on him getting the hint, you suppose. Albedo isn’t equipped to read between lines. If you want him to understand something, especially feelings, you need to tell him straight up. 

Shaking your head, you downed the rest of your drink, “You’re right, but what if the little bit of stability we have now crumbles if I do that?” 

“Then it crumbles” 

You glared at Kaeya. Even though he was right, he didn’t have to say it like that, “Fine, that’s what I’ll do when I go back.”

Which part of you didn’t want to do. Going back to Dragonspine is going back to being alone, and you aren’t so sure that’s what you want anymore.

[reidgraygubler]

Spoonful of Sugar (spencer reid/reader)

Title: spoonful of sugar

Request: yes! (a super fluffy spence x reader one shot in which she's sick with the flu, a high fever or something similiar, so he has to take care of her. Usually i'm not that super whiny and wouldn't request things like that buuut i'm in a desperate need for spence to take care of me while i'm ill and home alone.)

Couple: Spencer Reid/gen-neutral!reader

Category: fluff

Content Warning: spencer’s pov, anxiety about an ill partner, none that I can think of. If something does need to be tagged, please message me

Word Count: 1,638

Summary: Spencer stays home from work to take care of his partner, who’s sick with the flu

A/N: sorry this took so long to get posted. i forgot I had it written and it was just sitting in my drafts. it is a little on the shorter side... thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

The person who usually slept beside me did not sleep last night. I only know that because whenever they tossed and turned, it’d wake me up. But also, they kept stealing all the blankets from me. Whenever I tried to take them back, they’d wake up and steal them again. Or they’d be suddenly up in a coughing fit. And then, they finally fell asleep around the time I had to get out of bed for work. Leaving me with another restless night of sleep. I was used to it at this point, but not because of them.

When I left the bedroom, I made sure to be as quiet as possible. I didn’t want to be the reason why they woke up for the day. Clearly something was on their mind and keeping them up. I also made sure they had all of the blankets on their body. While I did that, I sneakily rested my hand on their forehead, and the back of their neck, just to check their temperature.

They were on fire. I’d never felt someone as hot as that in a very long time. It would explain why they got no sleep and kept waking up, and stealing the blankets. They’d need to get medicine and fluids in them, and quickly. But I’ll do that when I’m finished getting ready. They just fell asleep and I’d rather them sleep off their fever.

So that’s what I did. I quickly got ready for work, doing all the necessary things I had to do. I wanted to make sure my person had everything they needed before I left for work.

Which meant a quick stop at the market down the street. The market had their favorite soup, juice, and snacks. If I was going to go into work today, I needed to make sure they had everything they needed before I left for the day. And if they wanted me to stay, I’d do that for them.

“Hey Emily, I’m going to be late to the office today,” I said into my phone as I grabbed a basket. The store had several people, just enough for me to be cautious of where I was going. And it pressured me to be even quicker inside.

“Oh! Of course! Is everything okay?” Emily asked, the concern in her tone sounding genuine. I sighed before nodding.

“Yeah, just... Just need to take care of someone who’s sick,” I explained as I grabbed a bottle of orange juice.

“Take all the time you need! We got everything covered here.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Of course, call me if you need anything!” She proclaimed before bidding farewell. I sighed deeply before pocketing my phone and headed towards the deli to get some soup. They always gave me chicken noodle, with the good thick egg noodles. Since they also enjoyed White Chicken Chill, I got that for them, too. Anything to make them feel better sooner.

Once I got both soups, enough juice for a small household, and plenty of healthy snacks, I made the trek back home. Whether they enjoyed the things I got them or not, I knew they’d enjoy the thought. Because that’s all that matters, right? The thought?

When I got home, I prepared the chicken noodle in a bowl, and grabbed a bottle of juice with electrolytes, and brought it to the bedroom. They were still asleep, however slightly stirring. Instead of just leaving right away, I waited a moment for them to wake up.

“My head is pounding,” they groaned as they brought a hand to rest on their forehead. “Like I drank a fifth of whiskey,” they added. I held back my chuckle and sat on the edge of the bed.

“You’re hot.”

“Thanks so are you,” they blew me a kiss. I rolled my eyes before shaking my head.

“You have a fever, Dear,” I corrected as I handed them the bottle of juice. “I got you soup, juice, and healthy snacks.”

“You’re too kind, Spencer,” they hummed as they struggled to open the bottle. I watched as they sighed and handed the bottle over to me. I smiled as I cracked the bottle open.

“I have to go in, but if you want me to stay I can.” I handed the bottle back to them. They smiled brightly before taking a big sip of the juice.

“No, no, you’re the breadmaker here. You’d be no use to me here.”

“I can help you,” I breathed out a laugh. They lazily smiled before shrugging. “I’m gonna get you medicine.”

“If you don’t come back with Day and Nyquil, don’t come back at all,” they teased. I laughed as I looked back at them.

“Eat your soup, I’m getting you medicine,” I repeated as I pointed at the bowl of chicken noodle on the nightstand. They glared at me before picking up the bowl. I was quick, grabbing the medicine they asked for and a bottle of Aleve.

“Do you need anything else?” I looked down at them as I placed the bottles on the nightstand. They shook their head as they looked back at me, watching as I sat back down beside them.

“I’m all good here.”

“I can stay if you need me to,” I whispered as I looked over at them. They looked away from the bowl of soup with wide eyes. “Surely Emily won’t care. Family first.”

“As much as I’d love for you to stay, Spence, they need you just as badly there,” my person slurred their words. I could only imagine just how congested their sinuses and how blocked their nasal passages were. Which would only cause a migraine. “Besides, I don’t want to get you sick. You’re a baby when you’re sick.” They smirked at me.

“Am not!” I exclaimed as I looked at them. They shrugged before rubbing the underside of their nose. Should have grabbed them tissues while I was at the store. “Seriously, I’ll stay.”

“Seriously, go to work.”

“If I didn’t know any better it sounds to me like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“I am,” they mumbled as they blew softly onto their spoonful of soup. I rolled my eyes before standing up off the bed.

“Okay, okay, I’ll go.” I lifted my hands as a sign of surrender. They looked up at me with a soft smile. “Good to know you can get rid of me so easily.”

“I’ll call you if I need anything.” They placed the soup back on the nightstand before shifting down the bed.

“And I’ll let Emily know I’ll be on desk duty.”

“Spencer,” they warned.

“I’m going! I’m going! Gone! See! Gone!”

“Love you!”

“Love you, too!”

I should have stayed home.

{***}{***}{***}

Okay, maybe Spencer should have stayed home because… I really miss him. I thought I’d be fine if he went in, and I’d get by… But I really want him. God I’m never whiny and asking for things, and the only thing I want… I sent it away.

I could call him… He’d drop everything and come right over. But… He should work. There is a reason why I sent him to work. That was where he was most needed. What if I was wrong though? What if he was most needed here, with me? No, no he’s the brain of the BAU.

But it’d be really nice if he stayed home with me.

Yeah, I made a mistake sending him to work. I’ve never felt so clingy in my entire life. Damn my stupid clinginess.

Did he know I was thinking about him? I must’ve, because he was calling me. Probably just checking in on me. I could ask him to come home. Unless he’s in the middle of helping a case and can’t come home.

“How are you feeling?” Yep, just calling to see how I was doing. It was probably a good thing that he was calling me. He probably just knew I wasn’t feeling any better.

“Could be better,” I paused as I looked over at his side of the bed. It was made but a little tousled around because of my sleeping. “Kinda wish you stayed here,” I whispered, mostly to myself.

“Already on the way home,” he stated like it was no big deal.

“Really?” I asked, feeling a little bit of excitement in my tone. Surely it just sounded like I was stuffy to Spencer. He laughed.

“Finished early. And… Emily noticed I was too distracted thinking about you. I’m about halfway there, do you need anything?”

“You… To get here quickly and give me all the cuddles in the world,” I dramatically sighed as I curled in on my side. “But… Safely!” I quickly added.

“I will be there soon, Dear,” Spencer mused before chuckling lightly. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I should be okay.”

“I’ll be home soon."

“Okay, bye,” I whispered before hanging up. I tossed my phone into the empty space beside me before curling back onto my side. Now that I knew Spencer would be home any minute, maybe I could sleep. Or maybe I should stay awake and wait for him.

Whatever, it didn’t matter. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Spencer was crawling into bed beside me and I was slowly waking up.

“Shh, go back to sleep,” he whispered as he pulled the blanket back over me. Although it felt like I was on fire, the blanket felt safe over me. Or maybe that was Spencer’s arms wrapped around me that made me feel safe.

“No, no,” I mumbled as I moved as close as possible to him. Spencer laughed lightly before pressing his lips to my forehead. “Don’t leave me again,” I whispered into his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

{***}{***}{***}

if you have any comments/questions about this part, let me know here! please consider reblogging or leaving a comment if you’re a part of the taglist. it’s so much work tagging everyone.

not able to tag: @isabellasimps

@thebluetint @mggsprettygirl @muffin-cup @misshale21 @spenciegoob @reidspoet @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @flipperpenguins @kuolonsyoja

@broken-stardust @beepbooptoop @ray-lia

[rickywritesstuff]

walk to the park - bill s preston esquire x ted theodore logan

notes: evil bill and ted are also in this fic and are unbearably gay for the first like 2 minutes but this fic mainly revolves around human bill and ted, bill and ted have a swanky little therapy session while the robots have sex

warnings: mentions of "not wanting to live" and internalized homophobia, implied sex

desc: With no way to contact Station nor the good robot Bill and Teds due to the battle of the bands being over and them leaving, the Wyld Stallyns leads are now stuck with their evil robot counterparts, whom they thought they killed, as their roommates. That, of course, is bad enough, but it gets about 10x worse when the robots start dating. Bill and Ted, now face to face with the fact that they might not actually be as straight as they seem, talk a walk to the park to figure everything out.

"Well, maybe, next time you kill two totally evil robots, make sure they're actually, y'know, dead," Evil Bill stated, a wide, mocking grin on his face as he sat tangled up with Evil Ted on the couch, his right leg hanging off the edge.

"Dweebus," Evil Ted added, also grinning, holding Evil Bill so he wouldn't fall off the couch.

"Jesus, your heads flew off, I figured that was enough to prove that you were gone for good," Bill argued. "Sorry I don't know the signs of a robot being dead. Would you rather we had really killed you?"

"Our heads reattach, dumbass." Evil Bill rolled his eyes, kicking his foot back and forth lightly.

"Listen, dudes, we just want you to be respectful. This is our apartment, after all," Ted said calmly. "So could you... not trash it?"

Evil Ted groaned. "It's already a shithole, anyways, what difference is it gonna make?" he said with a smile.

"Dudes, you threw all our dishes while we were dead and now theres broken glass everywhere. It's a damn hazard just to walk around without shoes," Bill said, trying his best to remain as calm as possible.

Evil Bill rolled his head back, groaning impatiently. "Fine, whatever, we'll clean the stupid dishes, but we're not buying you new ones. Can we move on now? ET and I have got an announcement to make." He smiled, clearly anxious to make whatever announcement he was going to make.

Ted shrugged. "Alright, what's the announcement, duder?"

The evil robots exchanged glances, both grinning ear to ear, before Evil Bill exclaimed, "Me and Evil Ted are totally dating, dudes!"

Bill and Ted stood, both shocked at the news they'd just heard. "You're... what?"

"Dating, dweebus, did you not hear him?" Evil Ted asked as Evil Bill adjusted himself.

"I'm sorry, you called us a homophobic slur and now you're dating?" Ted asked, looking back and forth between Bill and the robots, as if making sure what he was hearing was real.

Evil Bill shrugged. "Yeah, sorry about the whole slur thing. Evil programming or whatever."

"You mind telling us what happened in between then and now that changed your point of view on dating dudes?" Bill asked, his face scrunched in thought and confusion.

Evil Ted shrugged. "We were bored, we made out, now we're dating. End of story."

"Wh- end of- y- what the hell?" Bill stammered, unable to put his thoughts and questions into words.

Ted stood, completely silent. Then, quietly, "I'm gonna... take a walk." He went to grab his coat, which was lying messily on the couch, then turned to walk out the door.

Bill shifted on his feet, suddenly slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah, me, too." He grabbed the nearest sweatshirt, one of Ted's, labelled with the name of their high school, threw it on, then walked to the door. "Wait for me, dude!" he called.

"Don't come back for a while," Evil Ted called out with a grin, before Bill heard the thump of both the robots' bodies landing on the couch.

"Gross," Bill muttered, before closing the door without turning around for even a second.

He ran after Ted quickly, who was already in the parking lot of the apartment complex. He turned his head as he heard the thumping of Bill's shoes against the pavement. "Oh, hey, Bill."

Bill smiled. "Hey. Where are we going?"

Ted was quiet for a moment. "I don't know. Nowhere, really, I guess. I was sorta just gonna clear my mind after- that."

Bill laughed. "Yeah." He paused. "Uh- 'clear your mind'? Like, in what way?"

Ted went quiet again. "I don't know." He laughed, trying to shrug off the awkwardness of the whole situation. "Try and get the image of the robots making out out of my head, I guess."

"Oh. Yeah." Bill tried to focus on his feet instead of the obvious tension between him and Ted as they walked. He tried to make conversation about anything that wasn't that. "Nice night," he stated awkwardly, mentally kicking himself over how stupid he sounded.

Ted nodded. It was quiet, the only sounds being crickets chirping, the sounds of their feet hitting the pavement, and the occasional car passing by. Streetlights and the moon were the only things illuminating their path. Ted looked at Bill as they passed under a streetlight, then laughed, startling Bill. "Dude, is that my hoodie?"

Bill laughed, too. "It was the closest coat I could find. Besides, it's comfortable." He shrugged, grinning jokingly as he showed off the oversized hoodie. It grew silent again, but the silence was more comfortable this time, then Bill spoke again. "You wanna go to the park?"

"The park?"

"Dude, come on, it's night, so it's not like anyone'll be there, except maybe, like, graffiti artists or something. Besides, we'd get a totally excellent view from the top of that big play-thingy."

Ted laughed, staring at the park as it came into view. "Alright, I'll race you there," he said with a grin, before bolting off towards the playground.

"Wh- hey, no fair, you didn't even give me any time!" Bill called out, smiling widely as he chased after Ted.

The two panted heavily as they made it to the park, leaning against the fence. "Dude, why do you run so fast?" Bill asked in between heavy breaths.

"You've just got short legs," Ted joked, also panting. The two giggled, clutching their stomachs. After they had basically fully recovered from the run, Ted pointed to the plastic playground. "Come on, let's go sit up there."

The two walked up the stairs, to the very top of the playground, the part just before the roof, and sat down by 2 large slides. They remained silent for a few moments.

Both of them knew what they had to address. Neither of them wanted to address it.

Finally, Ted spoke up. He tried to talk about it in a joking manner, which didn't exactly work. "Pretty crazy how they can go from homophobic to making out on our couch that fast, huh?" he said awkwardly.

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Crazy."

Shit. Back to awkward. Ted sighed. "Dude, you know we can't just pretend like it's not happening. I mean-" He paused, his voice quieting. "They're basically exact copies of us, Bill. And they're dating, and they seem- y'know, happy with themselves. Doesn't it make you think? Just a little bit?"

"They're not exact copies of us, Ted, they're totally evil."

"It's not evil to be gay, Bill."

"I know, that's not what I'm-" Bill sighed. "What the hell are you trying to get at, anyways?" he asked, looking at Ted now.

Ted was quiet. He couldn't avoid it now, he had to say what he was thinking. "Would it be so bad to- to, y'know... date? Like, each other?" he asked quietly, fidgeting with his jacket zipper nervously.

Bill fell silent. "Ted, what-" he started quietly before being interrupted.

"I just- I'm sorry, Bill, I can't just not tell you, I- dude, I've had a crush on you since we were kids, and- I mean, I don't want to ruin our friendship or anything, but- with- with the robots, do you think it could be possible? You and me?" Ted stammered quickly, hiding his face. The fidgeting of his zipper grew faster as he waited anxiously for an answer.

"I- I don't know, dude," Bill answered quietly.

Shit. Ted fidgeted more, hoping they could change the subject and forget about it all. "Th-that's fine, dude, you-"

"How did you find out? About how you feel about me, I mean."

Ted paused. Bill didn't seem at all negative towards Ted's feelings about him. Just curious. "Uh- I don't know, I guess I just sorta-" He paused. "I think I've sorta always known, I guess. I mean- when we were in middle school, my dad gave me that totally bogus talk about dudes liking other dudes and how it's 'wrong' or whatever, and ever since then, I-" He trailed off.

Bill reached out and touched Ted's shoulder. "You what, Ted?" he asked.

"I- uh- anytime I saw, like, a cute rocker dude or- y'know, you, and I got that woozy feeling in my stomach, I-" He swallowed, letting himself cry as Bill wrapped his arms around Ted, pulling him into a hug. "I hated myself for it. Jesus, I wished I was dead, and it's all because of my dickweed dad." He cried into Bill's shoulder, wrapping his arms around him as he did so.

Bill closed his eyes. He didn't know what to say, but he knew he had to say something. "I-" He paused, thinking hard about the right thing to say. "I'm sorry, Ted. Maybe Rufus'll let us burrow the booth and we can, like- go back and tell young you it's cool to like dudes? I don't- I don't know. That's a stupid idea."

Ted laughed, sniffing. "I don't think 14 year old me would take anything we say seriously, Bill."

Bill laughed, too. "Yeah, probably not. But, like- look on the bright side." He seperated from the hug slightly to look at Ted better. "You don't have to see your dickweed dad, like, ever anymore."

Ted smiled, wiping still-falling tears from his face. "Yeah, I guess that is pretty good." He paused. "I didn't, uh, fully accept my feelings until I moved out with you, y'know."

Bill nodded. "So- how are you supposed to know when you're in love with someone?"

Ted thought. "I don't know. You just sorta... know, I guess."

Bill sighed. "That's the problem, Ted, I don't know. I've never really been in love with anyone before. I mean, the princesses- they're hot babes, and that's what I'm supposed to like, y'know? But- it just doesn't feel... right." He shrugged.

Ted nodded. "Yeah, I get what you mean." He thought for a moment. "Maybe we could ask the robots about it?"

Bill shook his head. "Dude, they're evil robots who made out with each other to find out if they were gay. I don't think they'd give the best dating advice." Ted laughed. Bill scrunched up his face in thought. "I think- I don't know how to explain it, but- this, just- sitting here with you, doing nothing- it just seems... right? I don't know."

"Like everything we'd ever done before has led up to this moment."

"Yeah. That whole fate thing or whatever."

Bill looked at Ted again, his face illuminated by the moonlight. Gently, slowly, he set his hand on Ted's cheek, feeling it warm slightly. Smiling, he kissed Ted's lips gently. This felt good. This felt right. This felt better than any experience with girls he'd ever had, and he knew that what he had always felt when he was with Ted since they were kids had been love.

The two stayed sitting like that, Bill on Ted's lap, his legs dangling through the bars behind Ted. Their faces were only inches apart. "Do you wanna go back home?" Ted murmured, staring at Bill, then his lips, then Bill again, then his lips again, over and over and over.

"No. Let's stay here until the sun comes up."

Ted laughed. "Dude, that's not for, like, a million hours."

Bill smiled. "So? Sunrises are pretty and romantic."

Ted giggled. "Fine. Can we at least get snacks?"

Bill planted another kiss on Ted's lips. "Deal."

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

 Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

 "I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

 Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act in accordance to the likes of said person.

 "Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

 Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

 Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

 And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

 Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

 You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

 You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

 He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

 Red.

 Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

 This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

 It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

 "Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

 He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

 Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

 "That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic. 

 Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

 You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

  Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

 "Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

 "Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

 "C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

 You flinched.

 How dare he ask something so insensitive?

 "Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

 Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

 You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore. 

 You were back to your old self.

 Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

 "I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

 Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

 "Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

 Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

 There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

 Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

 "You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

 "What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

 Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

 You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

 Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

 "You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

 You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

 Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away? 

 And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

 "You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

 No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

 "That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

 You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

 "What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

 It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him. 

 "Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

 You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

 Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

 Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

 "I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

 Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

 He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

 "Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

 Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

 It broke him more.

 "Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

 Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

 You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

 "Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

 Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

 You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

 "Or am I not buying you enough things?"

 The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

 "Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

 "I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

 Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

 "You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

 "Yes."

 It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

 How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

 Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

 "I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

 "But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

 Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

 "Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

 "You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

 You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

 "Why would I lie—"

 "Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

 Why couldn't you just let him go?

 "And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

 Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

 "I love you so please don't leave me—"

 "You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

 "I do, Guk. I love you—"

 "No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

 Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

 "You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

 "You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

 Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

 "I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

 He was the one being blinded here, not you.

 "You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

 This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

 But he used this against you.

 "I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

 You stopped breathing.

 "Your eyes tell." He repeated.

 Your mouth felt dry.

 It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

 If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

 But no.

 You still see in black and white.

 Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

 Your Eyes Tell.

[sunfoxfic]

“By the way, I am bleeding. I think it’s not badly, but things are getting hazy, so maybe it is?” for Marichat please

So sorry it took me so long to get back to these, I'm doing them in order and I wasn't exactly sure how to approach this. But! I got the idea last night! Also don't yell at me everything I know about weapons comes from Skyrim. Also bonus Ladynoir.

Edit: I'm. Not even to the quote yet as I'm adding this piece of information and. Yeah. This ended up being long.

They shouldn't have gone to Germany.

At home, in the middle of crisis, it's easy to take it for granted just how cartoonish some powers can be. Or maybe Hawk Moth was afraid of seeing blood, or maybe the Miraculous didn't allow for powers to be too gory, or maybe....

It didn't matter. What mattered was that at the end of the day, Ladybug and Chat Noir had never dealt with a villain wielding more than his share of dangerous weapons. They'd been pelted with arrows from a crossbow, forced to dodge and weave beneath a longsword, and now, Chat's leg had been bashed with a mace.

A mace.

They really shouldn't have come to Germany to help the local German superheroes at all, but they'd taken their cartoonishly nonviolent, if persistent and otherwise dangerous, superheroes for granted, and now they had no way out.

Ladybug called her Lucky Charm — baby sling. Chat was sprawled out on the ground, head on the concrete, squinting his eyes. Ladybug sighed and walked over to him, shimmying the unfurled fabric beneath his back, until she could use it to hoist him up — he would be able to lift her no problem, but there was no point in dwelling on that now as she pulled him into a seated position then moved the fabric lower, beneath his tailbone, so she could maybe get him into a standing position —

He barely seemed conscious, his eyes falling closed and movements slow, but he winced when she tried lifting him up.

"I know this hurts, Kitty, but we need to get help from Electric Arrow, so please just work with me."

He nodded and heaved upward as best he could, wrapping his arms around Ladybug's chest, while she supported him from his bottom, trying to take the pressure off his legs from standing up. All in all her back was aching.

Her earring rang, not once, but twice in the process to get him up.

"Alright, let's go," she said, limping out of the street. The villain — she didn't even know his name, something German — seemed distracted by one of the local heroes, enough to ignore them as they ducked through alleys and sideroads. Ladybug could hardly remember where they'd come from, and whenever she got lost, Chat would wearily nod down whichever path they needed to take.

Before they could get to the safe space, though, Ladybug's earrings beeped the final time, and she had to quickly let go of Chat on a bench and run off, around the side of a building, so he wouldn't see her.

Someone will get to him, she thought as her transformation fell. One of the German heroes, or a civilian....

He didn't speak German, though, and the heroes were probably all caught up with the villain.

She looked at Tikki lying weakly in her hands, and they made eye contact for a moment. The kwami's eyes were stern but she didn't shake her head — less don't do it and more behave yourself.

"I have to," Marinette whispered, and before Tikki could respond, she was stuffing her in her purse and running around to the opposite side of the building, fast as she could, sprinting, panting.

Chat was calling out weakly, "Help," when Marinette got there. She stepped forward and grabbed his arm, pulling it over his shoulder, sure to support the weight under his bad side. Without her transformation, he was much heavier, but she had to get him through this.

"Mari...nette?" he asked, words slurring.

"Hi! I, uh, saw that you and Ladybug were in Germany! And so was I, you know, because I have, uh, German cousins, distant ones, and I was visiting them, but I wanted to come see if you needed help or if I needed to be Multimouse since no other heroes are around, and then I found you, and... yeah."

"Left," he said, quietly, breath shallow. She'd already been veering that direction — Ladybug knew the rest of the way, but Marinette shouldn't.

"Are you okay?" she asked, glancing over at him, his head falling over, drool leaking on his chest.

"All....good," he lied.

He "led" her to the safe space for heroes, where Marinette shouldn't be. It was a bar, anyway, with a side door that led to a basement, and Marinette opened it up, struggling to get him down the stairs.

"You have a concussion," she said. "Is there anything here that can help with that?"

"I can!" the robot butler, Casper, announced loudly, zooming into the room. "Come here. Chat Noir will need to sit in the chair, La....."

Marinette opened her eyes up at him and shook her head.

"...Lady I've never met!"

Chat hardly seemed aware of it, though, as Marinette took him over to the chair which had a sort of contraption over it, like a hairdryer, or a... brain scrambler. Regardless, when he sat down and the dome sat over his head, he sighed in relief.

"It will take a few minutes to work entirely," Casper said. "Please, relax as it takes its time."

Marinette immediately took up a circular pattern around the room, chewing her nails, as she walked. The drone of the machine was consistent, if not loud.

When the machine let up and the cap popped off, Chat immediately said, "Are you okay, Marinette?"

"Fine."

"You don't look okay."

She was still circling, but this time, when she passed the chair Chat sat in, he grabbed her hand, pulling her back and preventing her from pacing more. "I'm okay. You got that? I'm okay."

She looked at him, at his distinctly un-dilated pupils, and breathed out. "Okay. It's okay. I should... go. I shouldn't be here."

Suddenly, Chat stood up, and Marinette looked at her hands, felt for her purse, anything but acknowledged him standing here.

"I should go with you."

"No —"

"Really." He walked onward, out the door, and did a salute to Casper. "Thank you, friend."

Marinette really had no choice but to follow him, and they continued through the streets of Germany.

"Where are you headed?" he asked.

"Uh... well, my cousins live...." Shit, she had no idea what to say. "I don't know what the neighborhood's called, but I can lead us there!" Or get us both miserably lost, she thought.

As they walked, brisk at first, but slower as they continued, Chat was uncharacteristically quiet. The only sound was his bell.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, I — I'm good," he answered, slightly out of breath. Marinette stopped in her tracks and stepped back from him, looking him up and down, until she landed —

His leg. He'd hit his head when he'd gone down, but his leg was still bleeding out.

"By the way, I am bleeding. I think it’s not badly, but things are getting hazy, so maybe it is?" He said it with an awkward smile.

Marinette groaned before grabbing him under the shoulder again and turning back to the bar.

[furvillaconfessions]

/post/694346179184558080/ hi katieisgod! i'm not the anon who sent the original ask but i read your reblog and reply on post /post/693954560799178752 and i had some... concerns, i suppose.

but i don’t see the issue in joking abt homophobia i very much face irl. i don’t encourage calling other people slurs but my oc aaying it really isn’t too big a deal to me..?

first things first, i'm so sorry you have faced homophobia irl. secondly, it's not a big deal to you. that's good and i'm happy to hear it's not an issue to you. but for some people, this is a huge trigger so they will have an issue with you joking about homophobia. to me personally, it's not a trigger but it's not something i'd personally joke about as homophobia isn't a joke. still, i understand why your character does these homophobic jokes, it fits the theme of him being an incel. here's the thing, while some people might roll their eyes at the thought of an incel character, you are free to make a horrible character! how else would people have characters who are murderers, rapists and the like? so an incel is fine. i do believe the problem is that there was no content warning on your character's profile. if there would have been a content warning warning people about the content they might not want to see, they would have known about it and clicked elsewhere (or checked the page anyway and then get offended because *gasp!* it has the content they were warned about). i see you've added a warning on the character now and that's great! if anyone still gets offended, well, they were warned and that's on them for checking something they'd know would offend them. also for the art that you deleted, i believe toyhouse has this filter for other content which allows you to write your own custom warning, you could write a warning for a homophobic slur for an example and people who don't want to see it wouldn't need to see it.

also about your reply:

this post is so confusing to me. like…people are allowed to make ocs that are shitty people.

this is also true. however it's also okay for people to get upset about shitty characters. again it's like i mentioned before, people have characters who are murderers and rapists and the like and while some people will scream about it, it's 100% okay and normal to play around with shitty characters like that. just don't glorify them. this why i believe adding content warnings to characters like that is important - you need to acknowledge that while you're fine with the character, someone else might not be. it might be due to trauma, due to personal preference, whatever, i believe people should be allowed to make bad characters and people who don't want to see them should be allowed to see a warning about the bad characters. again, if there's a warning and they check the character anyway and get offended, that's on them. content warnings exist for a reason. if you check a 18+ page and then get offended that it contains 18+ content, it's your own fault for doing that. that's what the warning is for, so you can turn away if you don't like what you might see.

have fun with your ocs and stay creative! don't let some puritans ruin your fun, if you only make happy and perfect characters, it gets boring really fast (not saying it's a bad thing to do just that but i personally think awful/shitty characters are more fun to write).

[hot-wiings]

Leave An Ask Or Comment To Be Added To A Specific Characters Taglist.

Requested By: Anonymous

Edited: 11-5-2020 

Katsuki Bakugou fidgeted with his hands as he sat on his couch. He was nervous, a foreign feeling for him. He didn't get nervous, he didn't get scared. Katsuki was confident. Confident and bold. Yet, here he was, acting like a nervous little baby.

“Kacchan...?” 

Your voice called out to him from across the house. Your voice was soft and sweet, a reminder to Katsuki how nervous he should be for what he was about to ask of you. It was big, it was huge, something you both promised to never ask for. 

You made your way over to him and knelt in front of the brown couch. With a concerned look on your face, you grabbed your boyfriend's rough, fidgeting hands. You had never seen Katsuki so nervous and you'd been with Katsuki for a long time. You had been there with him for every fight and stress since the beginning of UA high. You had been there for every struggle on his journey as a hero. It was you two against the world. 

“Babe, what's wrong?”

“I- I want a baby.”

As if his words had burned your skin, you immediately let go of his hands and stood up. You soon began pacing the room nervously. Betrayal and hurt ran through your veins as you turned to him and threw your arms up in the air. 

“You can’t just spring that on me. You never even hinted at the thought of a family.” 

“I thought the feeling would pass... But every time I see a child, I realize how much I want one.”

“We can't raise a child katsuki. We wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner. We barely even have the time to make one! Children, they require a lot of attention.”

He knew that. He knew they required care. He knew they needed attention. But he wanted one so bad. He wanted one with you. He wanted to be a father. He wanted a mini-him, someone to look up to him. Someone he could teach right and wrong.

“I know. I know they need attention, and I know we promised each other kids would never be in the books for us... But I want one, so bad.”

Your hard gaze on Katsuki softened as you took a spot on the couch next to him. You slipped your hand into his warm one and squeezed it. 

“Look, I'm not ready for a baby. I'm not saying never, just not right now. Maybe in a couple of years, maybe once we're married.”

A deep frown made way to Katsuki's face. You weren't ready for children and you wouldn't ever be. You weren't a kid type of person, you hated them. You would never be happy with children, you would force your self to have them for Katsuki's sake, but you would grow to resent and hate him. 

With a deep sigh, Katsuki squeezed your hand then withdrew it from your grasp. There was only one thing he could do in this predicament. 

“We should break up. I received an offer to work in America and I'm gonna accept it.”

“What the fuck Katsuki? What about us? You don't even wanna try long distance?”

“As far as you're concerned, there's nothing holding me back here anymore.”

He didn't want to hurt you. He hated himself as he saw the tears dribble down his face. He felt sick and disgusted with himself, but this was the only way you'd let go of him. 

With a loud clinking sound, you slammed down a shot glass you had previously downed onto the bar top. Quickly, you waved over the bartender and yelled to get their attention.

"Another one! Please and thank you!"

The barman immediately hobbles over and pours you a new glass. In all honestly, he probably should have cut you off, you were loud and obnoxious, not to mention so wobbly and unstable it was a surprise you were still sitting on the barstool. It was good publicity to have a hero of your caliber in his bar, you'd also been his best customer all night. In fact, you'd been his best customer all week.

You'd been crying over Katsuki for the last two months. During the first month, you were sad. He had started staying at Deku's place and you were sure he'd finally get fed up with his old friend and come back. You were so sure he'd change his mind about leaving. That he'd change his mind about leaving both the country and you, but he didn't. As his plans progressed, he slowly moved more things out of your once shared apartment. During the second month, all you did was cry and drink. Or drink and cry. He was leaving you, he was really leaving you tomorrow. He was at his mother's tonight, and he was heading straight for the airport in the morning.

You down the shot and you're about to flag over the bartender again but you're distracted by the back of someone's head. Dark green hair, even in your drunken state you'd know him anywhere, Izuku Midoriua was in the same bar as you.

"Deku!"

He turned at the sound of his name and smiled as he walked over to you. You both stumble as you walked closer to each other, it looked like he was as drunk as you. Izuku was usually so responsible, guess there really is a first time for everything.

"Hey! I saw on snap chat that you were here, figured you could use a drinking buddy."

His words were slightly slurred but you understood him. It was a surprise Deku was this drunk. While he liked getting a drink after work, he never, never, ever, got plastered. Although you weren't surprised, Kacchan was leaving. His childhood friend was leaving. Though they acted like enemies, they still had their friend moments, they worked in the same agency, they seen each other every day.

However, Izuku was not drunk for the reasons you thought. He was angry and upset, both at himself and Katsuki. He had been the one who introduced you to Katsuki in the first place. Deku had strong feelings for you back then – he still did. He had feelings for you, but you and Katsuki hit it off. He trusted his friend with you, but to see him so callously hurt your heart pained him.

He put you both together, but here you were crying your heart out, the same way he did when you and Katsuki first got together.

Izuku is about to take a seat and buy you a drink when the bartender turns him away.

"You're both drunk off your asses and I'm not properly equipped to deal with a bar fight with a prohero like him in it."

Girl heroes were often underestimated. You surely weren't coming back to this bar or paying your tab.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the fact he's been thinking of you for years. Maybe it was the wanting feelings he had stored up since the day he brought you to Katsuki. Izuku grabbed your hand and gently tugged you towards him a huge smile on his face.

"You want me to call you an Uber? Or take you somewhere else?"

He offered you an Uber. Even drunk, Izuku was still a hero who cared about civilian safety.

"How about we go back to your place?"

It was an innocent question to a friend, but it was a bad idea. You were both drunk, and things were bound to happen. You were both tipsy and weren't thinking straight. Yet you both entertain the thought and walked out together, hand in hand, like a drunk couple.

Katsuki didn't cross your mind as Izuku took off your clothes. Katsuki didn't cross your mind one bit as you let Izuku fuck you. All that you thought about was the way Izuku grabbed, held, and pounded into you. Katsuki certainly didn't cross your mind the next morning either when you woke up with a naked fucked mess next to Izuku.

Despite the hangover, one thing was for sure. Izuku could fuck.

"So we..."

"Yeah..."

You both had blushes among your cheeks. It wasn't every day you woke up naked with you coworker and friend.

"Do... Do you regret it? I'm sorry, I'm not much of a hero am I? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable, I should've never gotten drunk."

"No, you're a great hero Izuku! It's not like I said no... I didn't push you away, we both wanted that."

You grabbed Izuku’s hand and intertwined your fingers.

"I'm undecided on if I regret it, but I definitely did enjoy it... I hope you did too..."

"I did... Maybe we can in sick to the agency, we could spend the day together. You know, to decide if last night was worth regretting?"

"I'd very much like that."

You looked up at Izuku and smiled at him. It felt good and domestic. You in his bed with a shining smile. It felt like you were his. Like he never lost you to Katsuki. He was determined not to lose you to anybody again.

Katsuki Bakugo maneuvered around people as he looked for you. It had been five years since he last saw you. Five years since he broke your heart and ran away to America. He was back now, and you were the first person he wanted to see. He didn't just want to see you, he needed to see you. 

He had hurt himself as much as he hurt you that day. He thought it would be better to break up, but five years in America taught him that he would never find another person like you. He would never find another woman that could measure up to you. You were so perfect, and in return, he was so shitty. 

All for what? Because he wanted a family and he didn't think you'd be happy giving him one? It didn't matter now. He didn't need a family. He didn't need kids. He just needed you. He didn't have to have kids if it meant he couldn't have you.

Seeing as he doesn't have an apartment, Katsuki had been staying with Eijirou since he got back. They had immediately fallen back into a bromance as if they hadn't been apart for five years. That was how Katsuki got to where he was now, discreetly standing in your home. Eijirou had told him about how you were having a house warming party, despite their friendship, Eijirou couldn't tell Katsuki about the truths and secrets he wasn't privy to in America. All Eijirou could do was stare in sympathy as Katsuki got ecstatic at the idea of seeing you again.   

Katsuki had been there for about fifteen minutes and he still hadn’t found you. With every person he passed, he got annoyed. Most of them were people he knew, Denki Kaminari, Mina Ashido, Ochako Uraraka. People he used to work with, people he went to school with. They all gave him weird, sympathetic looks as they said hi and stopped him to catch up. It was as if they were all apart of some big elaborate secret. Although, he supposed five years apart will do that.   

Katsuki excused himself from a conversation with Denki, who practically begged him to go out for drinks with him sometime. Apparently, he had developed an American accent and Japanese chicks dig that, Denki hadn't changed much. With one swift turn, Katsuki stumbled into a little kid. 

“I-I'm sorry, sir. I was looking for my dad he said he was going to the bathroom and he'd be right back but there are so many people and me- I- I-”

Katsuki could tell the kid was on the verge of a panic attack so he crouched down to the kid's height to speak to him. He had green hair and freckles, for a second Katsuki was taken back to that wanting need for children. He wanted one so bad, but he was prepared to give it up for you. 

“Don't worry about it kid, how about I help you find him?”

Katsuki took the kid's hand. While he didn't want to deviate from his search for you, he couldn't leave this little kid on his own. Although most of the people here were heroes, he couldn't be too safe.

Katsuki had thoroughly searched the downstairs of the house already on his endeavor for you and he hadn't seen a bathroom. He had no choice but to look upstairs, maybe he could find you and the kid's father. Two birds with one stone.

While holding the kid's hand, Katsuki guided him upstairs. He made sure not to pull or yank the kid, he had to go his pace.  

Katsuki couldn't help but look at your house. It was nice and pristine. He felt remorseful for breaking up with you. If he hadn't you two would just be at home, chilling together in the old apartment you used to share.

Katsuki reached the upstairs floor and made his way to the nearest door. He knew it was rude to open random doors and pillage throughout your house but he hadn't a clue which room was the bathroom.

Katsuki turned the nob and pushed the door open. It wasn't the bathroom, however, Katsuki wished he hadn't come in.

This room appeared to be your bedroom. You were inside leaning against your dresser and in front of you was a man. Not just any man, but Katsuki's old childhood friend, Izuku Midoriya. He had his hands on your hips and his face was in your neck, leaving little kisses and whispers into your ear. Worst of all, you were laughing and smiling as he let his damn hands wander over you.

"Dad!"

The little kid rushes over to you and Izuku with relief laced in his voice. Izuku breaks away from you and crouches down to the kid's level. The kid immediately grabs onto Izuku as if his life is hanging in the balance. You crouch down to and rub the child's back soothingly. The way Katsuki remembered you rubbing his back when he was sick and puking his guts up.

"What's wrong buddy? Are you hurt? Are you okay?"

"I- I couldn't find you and there were a bunch of people! This house is so big, I wanna go back to grandma Inko's."

The child buried his face in Izuku's chest and you were both so enamored with him. Worry and concern dripped from your voices. Katsuki didn't know how he didn't notice earlier. This child was obviously Izuku's kid, but he just couldn't believe that he was yours. He couldn't believe it. He refused to believe it.

"Bud, we were only staying with Grandma while we finished moving, you'll get used to the big house, I promise."

"Once all the guests leave you'll feel right at home. Besides... You know me and daddy will always protect you, right?"

With his sniffling and tears now coming to a stop, the kid rubs his face and nods at you.

"I know."

It was then that you looked up and saw Katsuki. He hadn't aged much these five years. He wore the saddest face as he watched you and Izuku interact with your child. His heart was breaking and yours broke with it. Of course, it did. He was your first love. He was what led up to the events of your pregnancy.

"Katsuki?"

Izuku's head craned up at the mention of his old friend's name and he frowned. Truthfully, he felt bad for Katsuki. He had what Katsuki wanted, a family. Not just any family, but one with you.

"Hey bud, let's find you some food while mommy talks with her friend."

Izuku picked his son up and carried him out of the room to give you two privacy. He knew how loud Katsuki could get when he was upset, and he did not want his innocent son to experience that. While Izuku didn't want to leave you alone with your ex-boyfriend, he knew you and Katsuki needed to talk. You were each other's first love. There was deep history there, along with deep hurt.

"What are you doing here? It's been five years."

"I missed home... I missed you."

"You broke my heart five years ago. You hurt me, you left me."

The feelings you had for Katsuki were gone, but you still had the urge to cry. He was your everything, you would've married him, but he broke your heart and ran away to America. If it wasn't for Izuku, you would be a drunken hero. If Izuku hadn't been at that bar that night, if you hadn't slept together, if you hadn't gotten pregnant, you would've continued down your path of destructive behavior.

"You broke my heart, you broke me. You don't get the right to come back five years later acting like everything is fine."

"I know that! I know I hurt you, I know I broke you. I can fix it, let me fix it. Leaving you was such a mistake. I never should've done it.

Tears were brimming your eyes as you twisted the gold wedding band around your finger. Katsuki hadn't noticed the band before. He had no choice now but to believe the kid really is yours. Yours and Izuku's.

"You can't fix what's already been mended."

"You married him."

You smiled over at your former lover as you talked about your new one. Katsuki was seething on the inside. Once again, Katsuki had lost to Deku. He was the world's greatest hero, and now he had you.

"I did... One drunken night after you left led to a pregnancy. [Son's Name] wasn't even intentional, he was an accident but Izuku stuck by me. He stayed by my side, he's made me feel loved and safe."

He would beg you. Beg, and beg for you to be with him. Fuck, he wouldn't even care if he had to be a stepfather and share your kid with Deku. He would do it because he wanted a kid, a kid with you. But he couldn't. It was too late. You and Izuku were married, you had a family now. Maybe, had Katsuki stuck around and waited for you to be ready, maybe you'd be a family with him, but he didn't wait. He left. He broke you and left.

With deep regret, Katsuki smiles at you and pulls you into a big hug. He missed the way it felt. The way your body felt against his. He knew he'd never feel it again after this, so he pulled tight and did what he never did. He apologized.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

Katsuki pulled away from you and walked to the door.

"The kids cute, I'm happy for you."

[touyota]

Catfish

☁ Summary: Tomura is hopeless when it comes to relationships, and soon that’s all subject to change. With the power of Tinder, Touya and one oblivious chick on his side, who knows what can happen. 

A/N: omgggg, i’ve lurked on my priv for the past year and finally decided to stop being a narc and post something. i haven’t written in forever and it shows lmao, but uh yeah pls give me feedback if you’d like. (also idk if this has been. done before, but sorryyy if it has)

☁ Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x fem!Reader

☁ Warnings: Non-con/dub-con, manipulation, dumbfication (if you squint), slapping, yandere, catfishing 

"Fuck I'm horny." 

Tomura groaned into his pillow, conflicted with whether he should be agitated or turned on. Due to his third nap of the day being interrupted by the excessive lewd noises coming from the shared living room. Tomura's roommate, Touya, had no real understanding of boundaries and was often more bothersome than helpful. Still, without his portion of the rent, he'd be on the streets struggling to find an apartment within his meager budget.

"Keep fucking me, Touya-san!" The plea echoed through the thin walls of the shoddy apartment. At least someone was getting laid. The last time Tomura had gotten lucky was at an impromptu Halloween party thrown by Touya at the apartment. 

He went as Jason Vorhees using a dingy hockey mask he found in Touya's closet. The poor girl in question, who came dressed as an angel, was drunk out of her mind. She clung to Tomura's scrawny body incoherently, slurring about "How hot it would be to fuck a murderer." The fling hadn't lasted long before the young lady in question toppled over the side of his bed and hurled her entire cup of jungle juice onto the floor. Poor Tomura had to spend his night nursing her head over the toilet. Making a mental note to tell Touya that he couldn't invite any freshmen to their parties ever again.

Tomura ended up seeing her again in passing on campus, giving a small smile as she walked by. Only to be met with an eye roll as she turned to walk in the opposite direction. Fucking bitch... Other than that, Tomura had found himself too busy writing code, playing video games, and browsing Reddit to dedicate any time to dating. The polar opposite of his roomie Touya-san, a communications major whose schedule consisted of dating? If you considered fucking the same chick for a week before ghosting her dating, sleeping, and eating and drinking Tomura out of a house and home.

"You ready for my load? You're my little cum dump, right? Say you're my cum du-"

Speaking of fucking, Tomura's hard-on was starting to hurt, and what better way to relieve himself than to beat off to the action in the adjacent room. 

He started to palm himself over his sweats, erection already beginning to poke through. Figuring that he's teased himself enough, he lowered his boxers, allowing his cock to slap against his stomach, throbbing and angry. He slowly stroked himself, gathering the pre-cum spouting from the tip, and used it to lube the rest of his cock.

"Pleaseee fuck! I'm your little cum dump! I swear Touya!" 

Tomura started to stroke his cock faster, leaving a squelching noise with each stroke. He was barely managing to suppress his moans. Knowing how Touya wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he got caught fucking his hand to the sounds of their subtle lovemaking. 

"Fuckfuckfuck... I'm cumming!" Touya grunted, giving out after his final stroke.

Tomura followed suit, flicking his wrist with each stroke. As his orgasm finally took hold of him, biting into his shirt to stifle his moan as he came all over his fist. 

"Are you fucking serious, Touya?"

"What?" 

"I didn't get to cum?"

"Um… I'm sure you can take care of that when you get home."

"You're such a piece of sh-"

Tomura tuned out the rest of his roommate's performance. Really hoping he'd wrap it up cause he really needed to take a piss and couldn't make it to the bathroom without passing through the living room. 

After hearing a respectable amount of silence, he figured it was safe to leave the room. Of course, he was wrong; he was met with a staredown between Touya and a petite blonde woman.

"I'm sure your roommate Tenko wouldn't leave a lady hanging like that."

"It's Tomura," he muttered.

"Same fucking thing, my point still stands," The mystery woman huffed. There was a pregnant pause before Touya doubled over in laughter, clutching his chest.

"You think this cuck knows how to take care of a lady? Yeah, it's time to go, Tara."

"It's Toga, you shit stai-"her statement was abruptly interrupted, the door slamming in her face. Touya's back slid down against the door as he sat facing Tomura. 

"Chicks? Am I right?" Touya sighed, peering over at Tomura, who had just left the bathroom. "Speaking of chicks, when's the last time you had sex, Shiggy?"

"It's been... a while." Tomura shrugged, not wanting to indulge his roommate with the details of his sex life.

"Well, we can't have that, can we? Let's make you a Tinder." Touya proudly announced, excited at the prospect of playing matchmaker for his roommate. Tomura reluctantly gave in, knowing once Touya was set on something, it was bound to happen one way or another. 

Two blunts later, Tomura and Touya were strewn over the couch, mulling over his profile's final details. It consisted of three pics, one from the Halloween party, another from their most recent function. The last pic is a selfie of him in a black hoodie with sunglasses on. The icing on top is the bio that unironically stated, "Freak in the sheets, gamer in the streets."

"You're gonna be a real pussy magnet shiggy. Just wait, you'll have to fight the chicks off with a stick after they see this." Touya chuckled as he took another puff of the blunt.

"Go to hell and stop hogging; you didn't put shit in on this anyways," Tomura muttered as he snatched the blunt away to take a pull. Maybe he would find some success, he entertained the concept of having a consistent fuck buddy, but sometimes he was lonely and just wanted someone to lay up with. He wanted to be optimistic about something for once, taking his final pull and ashing the blunt out. The smoky haze and intoxicating scent lulling him to sleep. 

Fuck optimism, Tomura thought. It had been three days with zero matches or messages, and he was starting to think there had to be a glitch in the system. The only time he had seen a match is when he accidentally swiped on Midnight's profile, a famous Only fans content creator who specialized in BDSM. The same Midnight that he happened to be a top donor for and occasionally bought panties from, but that's beside the point. The profile was poorly made with blurry, uncropped pics taken straight from her social media profiles. The lack of detail and legitimacy was apparent. Tomura felt terrible for the poor soul who probably fell for it, but it made him think… 

Why not see how different the response would be if he ran a profile under someone else's guise.  Someone more attractive, someone more affluent, and someone more famous. This was simply a social experiment; no harm would come from it of course. He would simply ghost anyone who wanted to meet, keeping all interactions virtual. Now who could he possibly pretend to be. without getting caught. Tomura's eyes finally settled on an Axe ad playing on tv featuring male model Keigo Takami. Mr. tall, blonde, and handsome would definitely attract the feminine masses.  

Ding ding ding, it was like a bell went off in his head; he had found his new look. He started to scour the internet for any pictures of Hawks that weren't already posted to his socials and be sure to crop any evidence out. A few hours later, Tomura gazed over his final product. He thought it seemed too good to be true; he was sure that anyone with a working brain would know the profile was clearly a catfish. It was too clean, too pristine, and too perfect, but Tomura was tired of the profile's nit-picking details and saved his last changes. It was starting to get dark, and he had to begin his Comp Sci homework soon so he'd have time to play zombies on Call of Duty later. 

Tomura woke to a multitude of buzzes notifying him of the several hundred matches he'd accumulated overnight on his Hawks profile. Apparently, no one had a working brain within the 15-mile radius. The messages were filled with tons of chicks he had seen on campus or in class. He even recognized the one from the Halloween party. He spent his morning smoke break, siphoning through the various contenders.

Too tall.

Too blonde.

Too ugly. 

Until...

He finally stopped scrolling when he reached your profile; he had seen you before in his Major classes. You were a somewhat modest girl, always working to be an overachiever and teacher's pet. You hadn't spoken to him before, only forcing a smile when Tomura was caught staring at you in class. You were talented, beautiful, quiet, and you hadn't encountered Touya yet. You were everything he had wanted, and more. He started to type a message awaiting your response.

Keigo: "What's keeping you up this late, love ;)" 

Tomura thought to keep it casual enough to fit his suave persona.

Y/N: "lol, just sum late night studying keeping me up."

Y/N: "won't lie im very nervous to texting you rn, i'm a big fan 

Keigo: "it's gud knowing i have fans as cute as you ;p"

The conversation seemed to flow from there between you two, texting for almost two weeks strong. Tomura had learned so much about you in a short time, your favorite foods, your favorite color, favorite music, and your dislikes as well. Touya often came by his room to check in on Operation: Get Shiggy Some Pussy, only to be met with a "Fuck off," and yet another door slammed in his face. 

You gushed over how lucky you were to be texting the one and only Keigo Takami. Of course, you were skeptical at first, but what kind of fucked up person would take the time to pretend to be another person? The conversation between you two was great and always kept you on your toes. Still, sometimes days would pass before you received a response; you chalked it to the fact that he was always busy as a celebrity and didn't always have time to respond to you. 

You were currently lying in bed and unable to fall asleep; you peered at your phone to see that it was 2:05 am. You let out a sigh, preparing to stare at your ceiling until you finally fell asleep, only to be interrupted by a chime from your phone. It was a message from Keigo. 

Keigo: you up? ;(

You instantly typed a response, scared that you had done something wrong.

Y/N: yup, what's wrong…?

Keigo: i'm so fucking hard rn baby ;(((

Oh shit, you hadn't prepared yourself for that response; maybe he injured himself at work or-

Keigo: you still there babe? send a pic ;p

You definitely hadn't prepared for that, but who were you to deny him. Keigo could've asked anyone else in the world, but he asked you. Not wanting to leave him waiting, you quickly shucked your shirt off and used your arm to push up your breasts, giving an illusion of the perfect push up bra. You promptly took several pics, taking the time to edit and select the ideal filters to complement your skin tone.

Y/N: 1 image sent

A bubble indicating him typing popped up instantly 

Keigo: 3 images sent

Keigo: fuckkkk babe, ur such a tease

You opened the pics, feeling your panties dampen slightly. It was a cock, well Keigo's cock, fat and engorged, leaking pre-cum against his toned belly. He was mostly well-groomed, but a prominent white tuft of hair appears in the picture, making you wonder if Keigo was actually a natural blonde.

Keigo: 1 video sent

 let me see that pretty pussy baby, 

It was a video of Keigo languidly stroking his cock, how romantic. It was only right for a gorgeous man like Keigo to have a pretty cock to match. What he lacked in girth was definitely made up for in length, complemented with a slight curve that could definitely reach that itch that none of your toys could scratch.  By now, you had ditched your panties and started to slowly start to fuck yourself open with one finger at a time. You started recording and angled the phone against your pillow, trying to capture you desperately fucking yourself on your fingers, letting out a small whimper with each thrust.

Y/N: 1 video sent 

You began to fuck yourself vigorously, dragging the accumulated slick over your clit with slow, circular strokes. You felt your orgasm on the brink, growing more restless and desperate, humping reverently at your fingers, whimpering desperately; you were so close...There was a sudden surge of fluid from your core, incoherent mumbles leaving your mouth as you kept carefully fucked yourself through your climax. The post-orgasm bliss lulling you to sleep, your eyes had finally fluttered shut, only to be awakened by another chime. 

Keigo: 1 image sent 

look @ all that cum baby, its all for you ;)

Y/N: when can we meet? my fingers can only work for so long :p

Read: 2:53 am

Aw man, maybe he fell asleep. You were definitely fighting sleep at this point as well, finally closing your eyes, satisfied for the night. 

Tomura struggled to catch his breath, reaching for his discarded shirt to wipe the sticky cum off of his stomach. That was the third time this month you'd ask about a meeting, and it was frankly starting to piss him off. He'd have to come up with something fast if he wanted to keep you around. Even though he didn't have much of a moral compass left in his body, the feeling of guilt was hard to ignore. You didn't deserve to be roped into his fucked up social experiment… 

A yawn interrupted Tomura's guilty thoughts. He could continue to feel guilty when he wakes up tomorrow.

 The following week your prayers had been answered, Keigo finally agreed to meet! It had been such a bittersweet feeling. What if he thought you looked nothing like your profile pictures? Would he reject you and run the other way, screaming? You tried to push your doubtful feelings down by distracting yourself with running errands. Finding the perfect outfit to wear, getting every inch of your body waxed, and picking up a lacy red lingerie set. 

Upon getting back to your apartment, you found a red bouquet of roses on the doormat. They were clearly store-bought and not of excellent quality… but it's the thought that counts! 

Lots of celebrities were frugal, and of course, Keigo was no different. After further inspection, a small white card with an address and time. You searched the address finding a mid-grade hotel on the outskirts of the city. Keigo was definitely a (cheap) frugal man dedicated to his discretion. Soon realizing that the time on the card was approaching, you quickly ran to shower and primp yourself for the evening. Not even thinking to question how he found your address in the first place...

You had finally arrived at the sketchy hotel, noting that there were little to no cars in the parking lot and noting that none of them looked like they belonged to Keigo. You wandered through the lobby until you finally reached the elevator, tapping the button for the 5th floor. You tried to shake off your pre-meeting jitters, you already knew everything would be fine, but you couldn't shake the feeling of something wrong...

Those intrusive thoughts were soon interrupted by the chime that indicated you had reached your floor. You took a deep breath as you stepped off the elevator, pacing yourself as you walked to your destination. 

Room 555 

How fitting, you thought. Your knuckles rasped against the door several times.

"Come in." A voice sounded through the door.

You peeked your head around the door before taking a step in the room, not being able to locate the owner of the voice. You gasped after taking the appearance of the room. The room had rose petals haphazardly strewn across the floor. Candles flickered on the dresser, a bubble bath was run in the bathroom, and to top it off, a too cheap bottle of champagne on ice. 

There was clearly an effort made, which made your heart swoon, hoping to put a real face to the man you've been speaking to for the past few months, you said out into the empty room.

"Keigo, I like what you've done with the place. You can come out now," you giggled.

"I'm glad you got the flowers," a raspy voice responded.

.......Huh?

Your joy instantly crushed, having heard Keigo's voice multiple times in the interviews you've seen, it sounded nothing like that. Unless he'd suddenly started chain-smoking within the past few months. A loud alarm started going off in your head. It was definitely time to go.

You twirled on your heels and reached for the doorknob, only to be stopped by a hand gripping your upper arm.

"Leaving so soon? The bathwater is still warm…" The mystery voice informed.

"Oh… I think I have the wrong room, so sorry about that." You squeaked, attempting to reach the door again only to be dragged into a bony chest. 

Your chin was tilted, forcing you to meet eyes with "Keigo." Who was actually a porcelain-skinned tower of a man with shaggy white hair that had an oddly familiar look to him? 

"Let me go! You're not Keigo!" You screamed, hoping to alert any other guests on the floor.

"Fucking took you long enough. I thought you were smarter than those other bitches on campus. Tomura balked, struggling to keep you still in his grasp.

Campus. That's where you recognized the face and voice of your captor, you were both in the same Comp Sci class, and you'd often caught him staring as you worked, chalking it up to you having something on your face or in your teeth. The realization caused tears to spurt from your eyes.

"Poor baby, didn't mommy and daddy teach you to not speak to strangers on the internet?"

"I-I thought y-you were K-Keigo," you gasped, struggling to control your sobs. 

"Well, I'm not. Get over it." Tomura slurred, placing sloppy kisses over your collar bone, slowly backing you towards the bed. 

You couldn't bring yourself to move or fight anymore, body stiff with fear. Your sobs increase in volume after feeling your legs make contact with the edge of the bed. You didn't know this man from a can of paint, and here he is about to assault you. 

"Stop crying before I leak those sexy little videos you shared with "Keigo." Imagine if everyone in the class knew how much of an easy slut you are?" Tomura hissed, shoving you unto the stiff mattress, springs squeaking as you bounced. 

You cradled your mouth, struggling to stifle your sobs. Why hadn't you recognized the signs sooner? You spent so much time looking at the situation through rose-colored lenses that you had utterly neglected your safety. But it wasn't the time to feign sympathy for yourself. You needed to take action, and soon—the shaggy haired stranger dragging your motionless body towards the end of the headboard. 

"Wait!" You gasped, hoping that you could possibly reason with your captor.

"What's your name? 

This was your final chance to escape. You suddenly kicked forward, aiming for his face, failing miserably as it was blocked. Both legs were then shoved into a mating press, granting Tomura the space to press himself even closer to you.

A groan left Tomura's mouth, frotting against your clothed mound, smothering your neck with sloppy saliva drenched kisses. You cowered at the feeling, curling away from his advances. The dry humping continued until a final groan of desperation was released. He was too grown for this shit and didn't feel like going home with stained boxers when your sweet heat was right in front of him.

The red bodycon dress you decided on was shredded down the middle, leaving you in your lingerie set. You added that to the list of things you were already regretting, moving to cover yourself the best you could. Your efforts to preserve the crumb of modesty you had left were futile, both hands knocked out of the way.

"You don't have to hide princess, I think Christmas came early.” “You're wrapped so pretty, baby." He chuckled, moving to fondle your breasts. Taking the time to pinch and pull at both nipples, drawing small hesitant gasps. 

"I'll play with these more later. You don't know how long I've waited to play with that cute little pussy in person." You felt your panties tugged to the side, embarrassed with the amount of arousal accumulated below. The feeling was soon replaced with horror after feeling the tip of his cock dragged between your slit.

Tomura used the residual slick to grease his cock, bypassing the need to stretch you out. He pressed forward, forcing himself inside, pausing to catch his breath. Damn... it's been a long time. 

You yelped in pain, closing your eyes in hopes of blocking out the situation at hand. You felt him start to pick up his pace, causing small tinges of pain to course through your body. 

"Mmmm, open your eyes. I want you to watch me fuck you." He gasped, realizing you hadn't complied yet, he landed a firm slap on your cheek. "Not only are you dumb, but you're also deaf too… open. SMACK your. SMACK fucking. SMACK eyes." 

Your eyes shot open, brimming with tears, finding yourself face to face with your captor. His eyes were closed in ecstasy, dainty white lashes framing the lids, traces of dry patches on his face. He wasn't ugly. You'd honestly give him a chance if he asked you out like a decent human being.

His pace had gained traction, hips crashing against yours. You found yourself slowly succumbing to the pleasure, discreetly fucking yourself against him. You wanted to protest and resist against him, but with your inhibitions lowered, you found it hard to comply. Each thrust pulling you further into the abyss that was your impending orgasm. Your lust-filled thoughts being interrupted by the stranger's incoherent mumbling.

"Tomura."

"Huh?" you whimpered, not fully understanding what he said. 

"My name is Tomura."

"Okay and mine i-"

"Shut up and say my name." Tomura's thrusts were sporadic, signaling his impending climax. "Beg me to cum…... please." 

You barely registered the final demand, not recognizing the soft tone of his voice.

"T-tomura, p-please let me cum!" you begged, right on edge needing something, anything to push you over.

Two nimble, callused fingers drew delicate circles over your clit, forcing you to writhe and sob as your orgasm coursed through your body. The feeling that followed was one of warmth as Tomura came, slowing his thrusts until he collapsed, encasing you in his arms.

Your eyes fluttered shut with your post-orgasm haze lulling you to sleep until a wet, sticky substance trickled along your inner thigh... 

What the fuck....

You nearly launched yourself from the bed, fighting to separate yourself from your captor's arms.  

"What is wrong with you?"

"You didn't use a condom," you wailed, tears perched at the corner of your eyes. You didn't have the time for a child, you were doing great in classes, your parents would reject you, you'd be stuck playing house with some stranger and-

"Stop muttering. You're fucking up my nap. I'll buy a Plan B when I wake up." Tomura mumbled into the pillow, dragging you back into his chest.

You continued to fight his grasp, pausing after feeling a firm pinch to your side. Fighting was futile at this point, and you couldn't fully assess the situation until you had some decent sleep. 

Closing your eyes for a few seconds wouldn't hurt…right?

[perfumedhotels]

Slow dancing

(I'm trying writing again! Please be kind. It's been years since I last wrote something. :) I do not own Blofeld or Spectre. But Holly/Rita is mine.)

It was almost 2 in the morning as they walked in the narrow corridor that led to her unit in the complex.

Ernst had organized a celebration for the night in light of securing an alliance with the Cosa Nostra. This was important to him, to SPECTRE in general. There was so much they could achieve from the alliance. They were after all a massive criminal organization, with influence in both America and Italy. They had killed two birds with one stone. And it was all thanks to Holly. Aside from that, he was happy to be reunited with her.

She was a remarkable agent. Especially since she was not as criminally talented or even technologically or medically a genius.

He had heard the whispers of his employees calling her a prop. And, he would agree. She was a prop. But sometimes the best thing a show has or the thing it needs the most is a prop.

Holly had been a great help to his operations. He'd dare say she was one of his greatest investments ever since Spectre was formed. She was worth every dime he'd put into seducing her to join him and his organization.

Aside from that, she was a great company. She was very sensible and passionate. And overall, a lovely person to hang out with. Not to mention, Princess loved the girl. She was a friendly cat of course. But it was rare for her to enjoy another person's presence to the point of ignoring him when called for food.

But he wouldn't deny that it came off as a surprise to him when Holly admitted her feelings to him and asked him to get in a relationship with her.

Ernst was rather surprised. It wasn't the first time someone had brought that up to him. But he always thought that he was feared greatly by his employees. And to have a woman as young as her ask that shocked him immensely. He should've expected it, honestly. And to say that he wanted that was an understatement. But he simply couldn't let it happen. She was too young.

But eventually, he agreed to a sort of friends with benefits relationship. It wasn't exactly what either of them wanted but it was the best. And frankly, the most he could do. He had to, after all, be careful about his image among his men. Not to mention this was also the safest option for Holly. He'd rather die than letting Bond catch wind of her.

“Be careful," Ernst commented as she almost tripped while entering her apartment. She was rather intoxicated. "I'm fine..!" She slurred, plopping onto the nearby couch. "Get me a glass of water?" Ernst nodded and walked to the kitchen counter and poured her a glass of water. She always got nervous in ceremonies. But it was unusual for her to get this drunk. He figured it might be because of the way men stared at her tonight. She was wearing a red silk dress that complimented her figure quite well. And unfortunately, he wasn't the only one who thought that...

"I sincerely apologize about tonight." He handed her the glass and stood aside as she chugged down the water. "But I truly appreciate your great work. Thank you." He added with a genuine smile and watched as she returned the gesture and got ready to stand back up. "Wait!" He said when he noticed her struggling with her balance. "Huh?" She looked at him with her deep brown eyes that were reddened due to the alcohol.

"These are getting on my nerves." He mumbled with annoyance as he kneeled down and slowly removed her heels. He didn't understand why she liked them very much. They looked painful to walk in. They were stylish, of course. But to wear them to missions seemed rather extreme.

"There." He said as he got back up on his feet and offered her his arm which she gladly took. She barely had a balance on her own.

"I expect you at tomorrow's conference." He said once he had sat her on her bed.

She gave a careless nodded, still holding his hand. "Stay the night..?" She mumbled, more in a commanding tone than a questioning one.

"I can't." He shook his head. "I have some unfinished business."

"Come on..!" She mumbled and slowly started to undress, slipping each sleeve off her shoulders. "At least fuck me before you leave."

Ernst's eyes were almost bulging out of their sockets from shock. "Holly, what the hell?! You're drunk!" He said and quickly stopped her, frantically fixing her sleeves.

"It's Rita!" She snapped, pushing his hands off her body. Right he should've known she was uncomfortable with him using her real name.

"Right. Rita. I'm sorry..." He said, holding his hands up and stepping away from her.

"It's fine... Say... Get comfortable... I'll go grab the champagne." She mumbled, getting back up and almost stumbling.

"No. Fraulein, you're drunk. We can't and won't have sex. I am deeply uncomfortable with sleeping with someone intoxicated." He said softly, holding her by the arms. He wasn't lying. He might be a criminal. But even he had lines he'd never cross.

"Right..." She sighed and sat back on the bed. "Sorry... It's just... Forget it. You said you have work?" She said, trying to change the subject.

"Yes... Is everything alright? You're acting rather strange." Ernst said cautiously and sat next to her, making sure to keep his distance.

The girl gave him a quick nod and rubbed her temples. "it's just that... I don't know... It's probably because I'm drunk... But I don't feel appreciated..." He took note of her words, panicking silently. Had he done something wrong? Had he crossed a boundary?

"... I feel like chopped meat... Like I'm just a good fuck... I feel like I'm not important to you past being a warm body or a way to relieve stress..." Her words caught his attention, making her panic even more. What had he done? He hadn't forced her into this arrangement, had he?! He had made it clear that she could call this off anytime and it won't affect her position or the safety of her family.

"Rita... I-I'm sorry..." He gulped fearfully. "I am truly sorry... I never meant to make you feel like this... We can call off the arrangement right now and I'd walk out the door and we won't have to meet again." He said.

"This is not necessarily about sex. I enjoy sleeping with you. And I appreciate your attention to consent and I love how you treat me after we're done. But I feel like we aren't even friends. I want things friends do... Not just sex..." Rita mumbled, watching as he relaxed a bit and let out a deep sigh.

"Alright. Thank you for clearing that up." He said after remaining silent for a bit. "Regarding what you said... What can I do for you? I'm sorry I made you feel insignificant..." He said honestly. He was yet to recover from the shock and was holding his hands tight on his lap.

Rita took her time to think of a request before she finally said, "Dance with me. You never dance with me."

His mind flashed to all the instances he had brushed her off. Even tonight he had ignored her when she had cheerfully walked to him, asking for a dance.

"Dance..?" He echoed, quite unsure of what he had heard.

Rita gave him a quick nod. "I can wear another dress if you want. I know you think red is a cliché. Did you say you like blue?" She said, standing up again and walking to her closet.

"No! It's perfect." He said and quickly rushed to her grabbing her by the wrist. "I will gladly dance with you... Just, would you please put on some music?" He said softly. She gave him a quick smile and walked to her desk where she kept her laptop and after some browsing, put on a slow song.

"Darf ich diesen tanz haben, fraulein?" Holly looked up to see Ernst extending a hand towards her, a big smile playing on his face.

She returned the expression and placed her small hand in his, nodding at his words.

He led her to the middle of the room and slowly placed both hands on the small of her back, noting how her small arms wrapped around his neck.

"Is this alright? Should I move my hands higher?" He asked cautiously.

"It's perfect..." She whispered with a smile and started dancing with him.

The music echoed in the room, somehow drowning out the sound of the sandstorm that was happening outside. It was rather relaxing and it was able to calm him down after everything that had been going on.

But the best thing about this was Rita's eyes. He'd never seen them like this. So glossed over and in another world. Yet so happy and dreamy. It was worth it. And the feel of her skin was amazing as always. It was always so soft and warm.

They had never been so close unless when being intimate. But this was somehow better. Maybe because they were not distracted by animalistic desires and were able to solely focus on each other and the moment.

"Is this your first time?" Rita commented, looking up at him as her hand traveled to his chest.

"Hm? Not really. But it's been a while." He responded with a smile after snapping out of his daydream. "Is it obvious?" He smirked. "A bit." She joked. They both laughed and remained silent before she spoke up again. "Are you embarrassed by me?"

"What gave you that idea?" He frowned, slowing down his movements. "you never acknowledge me in crowds. You always push me aside. Are you ashamed of me?" She clarified, keeping his gaze.

"Of course I am not. It's just that there's a lot of rumors going around about us and I don't want to fuel them." He said bluntly.

"I see..." She sighed, looking down. "So I was right then. I'm just a fuck friend, correct?" She mumbled.

"Fraulein... I'm sorry but I can't do much more... And if you feel used in this relationship you can easily stop everything. You are in control here, Rita." He said, placing a finger under her chin and tilting her head upward so she faced him.

"Ernst..." She sighed and pressed herself to him, snaking her arms around his body.

She was crying. He could easily feel it from the cloth of his shirt that was slowly dampening. And from her breathing, that was significantly slower. But he didn't know what to do or say to calm her. Well, he did. But he couldn't let it happen. Or he was rather ignoring it because the thought of it scared him.

"Come now... You need to rest. Things will be better when you wake up..." He said in a soothing tone and slowly pulled her from his body. She looked at him, her brown eyes glassy with mascara running down her eyelashes and her chestnut hair matted to her face with tears.

They looked at each other with pity, both apologizing silently.

Slowly, Rita moved even closer to him, pressing her hand to his chest. And he was about to speak when a pair of soft lips pressed against his in a sudden yet soft kiss.

He was completely frozen and it felt like his heart will break out of his ribcage. He was nervous and scared with a billion thoughts running through his head at the speed of light. Should he touch her? Run his fingers through her hair? Hold her hands? Or should he push her away? Should he kiss her back? Could he? And right as he decided to kiss her back, she pulled away and he almost went with her like a drunk who was fooled by a bottle of rum.

"Rita-" He went to speak but was silenced by a single digit being pressed against his lips. "Don't. Please. Let me have this fantasy." She sighed. "I'm sorry..." She backed away, stumbling back on the bed.

Ernst let out a heavy sigh, finally snapping back to reality by the sounds of her cries. "There, there now... It's nothing..." He said, helping her lie down. "I'm sorry..." She sobbed. "For what?" He gave her a warm smile pretending that nothing had happened. "Have some rest. I'll see you tomorrow." He watched her relax a bit. But she didn't stop crying. "Things will be better tomorrow." He whispered, playing with her hair.

She just gave him a tired nod and watched as he walked over to her laptop and shut it down before walking to the light switch and turning down the lights. "Ernst..?" She called as he walked to the door to leave the room. "Are you saying the truth when you say that things will be better tomorrow?"

He turned and looked at her. "I'm not sure. But we can hope."

"Does that mean you'd change how you feel about me? Love me as I love you?" She sat up halfway.

"You're drunk. Get some sleep. You're not thinking straight." He sighed. "Guten Nacht, fraulein." He said before leaving her unit. He'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't already love her. But it was the safest option for them both.