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fullmoonremus · 4 years ago

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Beyond Our Dreams | Remus Lupin x Reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: None

Time/Era: Marauders Era, Aged 19

Word count: 2.3k

Summary: Remus Lupin finally gets to meet his American soulmate, Y/N, after seeing eachother every night in their dreamscape.

Request: can you do a remus lupin x gender neutral reader soulmate au where they see each other in their dreams

A/N: I adore Remus so much. He’s such a special character to me. So, thank you for the request! Enjoy! I also attached my Remus Lupin playlist, which is full of songs that remind me of this perfect boi :) Check it out if you want!

masterlist | my remus lupin playlist | read on ao3

The apartment they chose to meet at was always the same; it was a small room with a comfy, forest green couch, a cozy bed, a small kitchenette, and a door that led to a bathroom. It was rather plain as well, with dark red walls and a plush carpet below their feet. On one of the walls, there was a large window that overlooked a calm city. The normal hustle and bustle of city life was extinguished by a heavy downpour.

While most people made their dreamscapes extravagant and complicated, as it is their mind after all, Remus and Y/N found comfort in the simplicity. The pair just needed a comfortable spot to talk and get to know eachother.

“And then Lily just sort of dropped the bomb,” Remus stated, sitting on the couch opposite of Y/N. His long fingers wrapped around a white mug and he held his tea close to his body.

“I can’t believe she’s pregnant!” Y/N had her legs crossed and a plate of chocolate chip cookies situated in her lap. “We haven’t even met yet, but people our age are already having kids.”

Remus heartily chuckled, raising his mug to his lips and taking a sip. “It’ll happen in due time, darling. Besides, it’s nice to have you to myself without outside influences,” He coughs. “My friends skewing your views on me.”

“I know your friends are lovely, based on how you speak so fondly of them.” Y/N took a big bite of one of the chocolate chip cookies. It was chewy and gooey, making it absolutely delicious. “Why are dream cookies so good? Like, seriously, these things are to die for.”

“Because they’re a figment of your imagination. They can be as yummy or as disgusting as you make them to be.” Remus pulled at the collar of his gray t-shirt, making the seams rip. “Do you ever wish I was more, I don’t know, exciting?”

“What do you mean?” Chocolate smudged on the corners of her mouth.

Remus grinned and licked his thumb, rubbing it over her delicate skin to clean her face. “I mean, our dream world is a one-bedroom apartment and all we ever do is talk. I don’t know, I hear Sirius has a rollercoaster in his dreamscape. I fell dull in comparison.”

Y/N fondly smiled at her soulmate, moving so she was sitting directly next to him. “Rollercoasters are overrated. I like the comfort our little apartment gives us, it’s nice and warm in here and I have you next to me.” She set the cookies on the coffee table in front of the couch. “We don’t need to go on extravagant adventures, you seem to have enough of those when you’re awake.”

“You deserve better, though. Not a guy in his late teens that is constantly tired and would rather sit on a couch drinking tea than going on a rollercoaster.”

“I deserve you, and you are more than enough for me.” Y/N sighed, moving Remus’ hair out of his eyes. He couldn’t feel her physically, but it was still a nice gesture. “I’m not exactly itching to go on grand adventures. That’s what meeting you is for.”

“You’re only 5,437 miles away, anyway.” Remus’ mouth twitched into a sad smile. “That’s nothing.”

“Hey, it’s better than 5,438 miles.”

“You got me there.”

“What would you do if I came to London and surprised you?” Y/N laid her head on Remus’ thigh while he moved his hand through her hair, trying to imagine what it felt like.

“I’d probably get rather quiet and not know what to do if I’m being honest,” Remus observed how Y/N’s locks flowed through his fingers like water and how it contrasted against the forest green upholstery of the couch.

“Maybe let out a few cuss words?”

“Why are you so obsessed with me cussing?”

“Your accent is hot, especially when you say ‘fuck.’ I like to hear it.” Y/N smiled cheekily and watched Remus’ pupils dilate.

“Fuck,” The words fall off his tongue with his Welsh accent. Much of the Welsh had faded, due to living at Hogwarts and now London, but it was still very apparent in his speech. Y/N giggled and squirmed.

“Yeah, like that. Sometimes you just slip it into casual conversations and I have to compose myself.”

“Americans are weird, it’s just an accent.”

“No, it’s not just an accent. It’s your accent so I like to hear it. Sue me!” Y/N threw her hands up in false anguish, lightly bumping Remus’ stomach.

“You’re so dramatic, love.”

“I am not dramatic! Just every time I compliment my favorite person in the world he says I’m weird! Maybe you’re the weird one, Lupin!”

“Fine, I’m the weird one. Does that make you happy?” His voice sounded exasperated, but he was staring down at her with the fondest expression.

“Extremely.”

“Do you think Sirius, James, and Peter would like me?” Y/N sat on the counter of the dream kitchenette.

“They already do like you, dear.” Remus stood between her legs with his hands resting on her thighs. With her sitting so high, they were almost the same height. “Why?”

“Well they’re important to you, and you’re important to me, so I want them to like me. It would suck if your friends hated me.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. They even have a nickname for you,” Remus looked away, his cheeks turned slightly red. This piqued Y/N’s attention.

“A nickname? What is it?”

“Button.” Remus’ cheeks were dusted a light rose color and his ears were bright red.

“Button? Why Button?”

“Well, a few years ago we were all going around and describing our soulmates. I said that you were as cute as a button and I guess the name stuck.”

Butterflies erupted in Y/N’s stomach and she planted a kiss on his cheek. “Why can’t I just apparate to you again?”

“We talked about this, love. You’ve never been here and I’ve never been there so you can’t apparate straight here. And the plane ride between us is almost 11 hours.”

“Fucking hell.” Y/N sighed in frustration.

“Fucking hell, indeed.”

“I did something, and you have to promise not to be mad at me.” Y/N paced around the kitchenette while Remus lounged on the couch. His head shot up at her words.

“What did you do?” His mind raced a mile a minute and he prepared himself for the worst. Y/N probably found someone better than him and wanted to cut off contact.

“It’s nothing bad, relax.”

“Well if it’s not bad, why would I be mad?” Y/N sighed and sat next to him on the couch.

“Well, in the real world I’m sort of on a plane to London right now.”

Remus’ eyes bulged and he jumped off the couch. “You’re coming? Here? Really? Now?”

“Well, I’ll be there in about four hours.” Remus was now pacing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?! Mine and Sirius’ flat is a wreck!”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to back out for a silly reason like a messy apartment.” Y/N stood and reached for her boy. “I love you and I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“Four hours?”

“Yes, four hours.And I need a ride from the airport.”

Y/N stood atop the escalator and looked at the crowd below, scanning all the faces for her love. Her face crinkled when she didn’t see Remus but two young men holding a piece of cardboard with her name written in black marker on it. She realized that the two were, in fact, James Potter and Sirius Black.

“Sirius and James?” She said walking up, suitcase in hand. Both were much taller than Y/N and extremely handsome, making her feel slightly uncomfortable under their gaze. Both young men grinned down at her.

“Ah, you must be Button. Nice to know Remus talks about us enough for you to recognize our handsome faces,” Sirius exclaims, putting the cardboard under his arm and nudging James. “You’re even prettier than Rem described.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Well, you aren’t exactly hard to miss. Long hair, leather jacket, combat boots, overly flirty,” Y/N turns to James. “Glasses, The Beatles shirt, tired expression. Obviously, you’re James Potter and Sirius Black.” She smiles and pulls her hair behind her ear. “Congrats on the baby, by the way.”

James beams, “Thanks! Kinda crazy considering the circumstances, but you know how it goes.” He takes Y/N’s luggage and starts walking towards the exit. “You threw Moony into quite a panic, you know. It was one of the best things I’ve seen in a while.”

“It had to be done, he’s been putting it off for years. Something about not wanting me to be disappointed, whatever that means.”

“Ah, classic moons. Glad you came though, really shakes up our daily schedule.” Sirius responds. The three make their way to a Volkswagon Beetle and James pops the trunk to put Y/N’s luggage inside.

“Why didn’t he come and get me? Not that I mind the company, of course.” Sirius crawls into the back middle seat, leaving Y/N to sit shotgun with James driving. “Woah, I forgot it’s on the wrong side.”

“He pussied out, I’m sure you know how nervous he gets,” James pulled out onto the street and down the road. “And what’s on the wrong side?”

“Your car and the road, James. It’s on the wrong side.”

“It’s not on the wrong side, maybe you’re on the wrong side. Ever think of that?” He turned his head to look at her, the thick frame glasses on his face sliding down his nose.

“See! You agree! I am currently on the wrong side!” Y/N giggled and hugged her backpack to her chest.

Sirius also lets out a loud, bellowing laugh. Y/N felt as though she had known these two her entire life; in a way, she had.

The three pulled into a parking structure and she exited the beetle. (The car, she had come to discover, was named Lennon, after John Lennon himself.) She hadn’t been nervous up until this moment, staring at the apartment door. James patted her shoulder and smiled.

“It’ll be okay. He’s the same Remus you’ve been talking to for the past however many years.”

“Yeah, if you even get him to talk,” Sirius pushes his way between the two and towards the door, lugging Y/N’s bag into the flat. He drops the luggage in the middle of the living room and flops onto the couch. “Oh, Moonbear, your lover is here! Get your fine ass out of your room, before I take it out here myself!”

Y/N cautiously pads into the house, taking in the atmosphere of the home. It was very similar to their dreamscape, very small and sparsely decorated. However, the flat seemed to have 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, as well as a few closets. The livingroom had various framed band posters hanging on the walls, as well as a big framed picture of the entire friend group. Y/N could point out who was who easily as she observed it.

“Lily is so pretty,” She said aloud and pointed between two blondes. “Which one is Marlene and which one is Mary?”

Sirius and James look at eachother and share a laugh. “Merlin, he really does talk about us.” James points at the girl with the big, poofy hair. “That one’s Marls, the other is Mary.”

“Makes sense, since I’m assuming that’s Dorcas?” Y/N’s gaze moves from the blonde to a pretty brunette next to her.

“Oi, Moons, I didn’t realize you spoke about us so much,” James says, making Y/N turn around. In all his glory, Remus Lupin stood in the living room, decked out in jeans, and a The Smiths shirt. He was perfectly imperfect, and Y/N’s entire body warmed. His gaze didn’t leave Y/N as James spoke but he allowed his jaw to grow slightly slack and his hands to pull his shirt down.

“You’re even more beautiful in person, how is that possible?” His voice was breathy and light as if he was in complete awe. The light from the windows highlighted his cheekbones and made his features look unbelievably sharp, creating shadows that danced down his neck. He looked heavenly in absolutely every way possible, and this moment made her entire travel day worth it. Y/N blushed and stepped towards him.

“Nice shirt, missed you at the airport, though.”

Remus rolls his eyes and pulls his girl close to him. “Sorry ‘bout that, sunshine.”

Y/N nestled her face into his chest, taking deep breaths of his cologne. He was even better than she expected, all the way down to the wool socks he wore. Remus’ hand came to gently stroke her hair before looking up to see his friends. Unsurprisingly, though, the living room was now empty and Sirius’ bedroom door was closed.

“You smell so good, is that weird to say?” Y/N mumbles into the fabric of his shirt. “Like pine, and candy. I don’t know how to describe it.” She felt his chest vibrate as he laughed.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here.”

“Had’ta be sneaky, catch you off guard.” Y/N looked up into his eyes and glanced down to his lips.

The soft look of admiration she had seen so many times crossed his features as he leaned down to capture her lips in a kiss.

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yououghtaknow · 4 years ago

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skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff.

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop.

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck.

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap.

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them.

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

#skam brighton #skam brighton spoilers #isaac speaks #who wants my two page long essay on you oughta know but specifically for MY nonbinary comic relief character with christian trauma #i am fucking crazy BUT i am free :)

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spxllcxstxr · 4 years ago

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hi love! I’m so so proud of you, congrats on hitting 300 followers 🥺

can I pls get a ship with a boy from marauders era?

my pronouns are she/her. I’m a gryffindor.

I would say I’m a cheerful person and loyal. I would do anything for my friends. I set really high standards for myself. I study a lot, however I would like to study more - my education is really important for me. I’m an open-minded person.

I’m an extrovert, I love meeting new people and talking to them. I’m a positive person, I think I have a lot of love to give ;p amongst my friends I’m the one who brings everyone together when there is some kind of conflict.

I fake my confidence 🤪 I think I also underestimate myself. I’m stubborn and overthink a lot. I love music and singing (I can’t sing but shh). I go to a theater class. I like makeup, reading books and partying. I would say I’m a passionate person and I collect Harry Potter stuff 🥰

I’m 5’4, brown hair. Those who met me always told me that I give off a mean vibe, and some say that I actually look really innocent- so there is no in between haha.

hope it wasn’t too long, love you🥺✨

Ahhhh thank you love, I love you too! ❤️🥺 and it was perfect, don’t worry! (Under the cut)

Celebration

I ship you with: James Potter

I read this and automatically thought James

He loves having someone to share his cheerful energy with

You’re his ray of sunshine

“Ah, here’s my sunshine!”

Just seeing your smile brightens his day

He will always smile back when he sees it

James is a giant combination of cheerfulness and loyalty

So he will do absolutely anything for you. Anything!

He loves you so much and he wants to show you

James doesn’t study a lot

In fact, usually it’s all last minute

He still gets good grades of course, but he doesn’t study a week in advance

That being said

He will 100% sit with you in the library while you read up on your notes

He will, however, be an annoying little shit

He’s doing to doodle little hearts on his parchment and show you

James will crack jokes

Probably get kicked out of the library

But he absolutely loves spending time with you

And he is here for you the instant school and work get overwhelming

He is going to PAMPER you

Study breaks are always fun with him

Maybe you’ll even get him to look over his notes???

Wait hold on

REWARD SYSTEM

“James, if you manage to study for fifteen minutes, I’ll give you a kiss”

“Why can’t you just give me a kiss now, dear?”

“Because that’s not how it works”

“Fiiiine. I’m irresistible anyway, you won’t last.”

He pouts the entire time

A child, honestly

Hopefully you love parties

Because man, there’s always a party going on in the Gryffindor common room

And James will be at every single one

He also loves just floating to different groups of people and striking up conversations

Will always hold your hand

He doesn’t want to lose you in the crowd

Likes to casually slip in that you’re his girlfriend

“Have you met my absolutely radiant girlfriend?”

Loves it when you steal his quidditch jerseys so please wear them at all times

A lot of love to give, you say?

James and the rest of the marauders adore you

Your positivity is always welcome, they never find you annoying or too much

Love them because they’ve all got some issues

You are always welcome to hang out in their dorm room

There isn’t always a huge conflict between your friend group, but sometimes Remus will snap at one of you before the full moon or Sirius will push people away

So it’s good that you’re there along with James as the mediator

You and James are totally the mom and dad of the group

You fake your confidence (ayyy same though) and as time goes on, James sees that

But he’s always here for you to talk to him

Or when he sees that your struggling he’ll drop everything to snuggle in the dorm

James acts like a wounded puppy when you’re hurting, he wants his ray of sunshine to be happy again

James is your #1 hype man, though

He will absolutely cheer you on

Even if you’re literally doing nothing

You’re everything to him, honestly everything you do is amazing to him and he will never let you forget it

When you overthink, talk to him!

It doesn’t matter if it’s barely coherent or about how deep the ocean is or about struggling with school work

James is here for you

Always

James also loves music and can’t really sing for shit

Yeah he can sing to the Beatles, but he’s no Paul or John, that’s for sure

James will listen to your favorite music as long as you listen to his as well

Music is super important to him

He loves your singing voice, sing him to sleep on his bad days or when he loses his quidditch match

It’s really comforting to him

DO HIS MAKEUP

He’s always wanted to have a make over

He would be willingly be your test subject for any new products

You guys make a date out of it

You’ll do his make up

He’ll do yours

It’s a disaster

James loves how passionate you get with everything you do, theater, reading..everything!

He can listen to you talk forever

Ok the height difference though

(Just noticing how short all of you are damn)

Piggyback rides all the time. I promise.

James loves running his fingers through your hair

He also loves when you do the same for him

James is your #1 fan and loves you so so so so so much

Hope you like it ❤️❤️ and thank you so much again!

#spxllcxstxr 300 followers

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sternerstufftoys · 5 years ago

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In which nothing goes wrong for these tragic doomed lovers ever ever

Question: as a child, who was the hero in your toy collection? It's really more a question for the older among us, who were collecting during G1, and were rather dependent on precisely when they were at the right age for buying transformers. These days getting a Bumblebee is so easy you'd have to make a concerted effort to not buy one for your robot-loving kid, but in the mid 80s it wasn't so cut and dry. When you tipped the toys out onto the carpet and set the goodies versus the baddies, who was it that led the charge? Blurr? Smokescreen? Sunstreaker? Or were you one of the lucky ones to have a Hot Rod or a Jazz?

Unsurprisingly, mine was Chromedome. My brother's Ultra Magnus was in charge of course, but Chromedome would be the one to go out on all the important missions. This was simply by virtue of being a large, straightforward carbot who stood proud and tall over his comrades. There was nothing at all to base this on from fiction - he had a handful of lines in The Rebirth and was just one of the lads in the Marvel G1 comic, no more or less important than any other headmaster. But then, there was never much to go on with the Autobot headmasters, whose characters can be summed up as The Smart One, The Smart One, The Smart One and the Not Smart One (much like the Beatles).

So consider me gobsmacked when James Roberts spun the roulette wheel of characters for More than Meets the Eye and it landed on a familiar brown boy. And for once, for once he was genuinely interesting. Gone were his cool-guy twin sniper rifles (I mean honestly) and in came extendable creeper fingernails and an adorable shortarse for a boyfriend.

So the toys. Titans Return Chromedome is of course a remould of Combiner Wars Dead End, only with the combiner peg replaced with a seat for his titan master Stylor. You can't really go wrong here. Dead End was the best deluxe car mould to come out of the entire Prime Wars line, and while you can't say they didn't get a lot of use out of it, it does a damned good job as Chromedome. You do gain a bit of kibble by having the car bonnet end up on the back rather than become the chest, but this does at least make it easier to give the robot mode better proportions than it had back in 1987, which was marred by rather stumpy arms, though was hardly the most egregious of its day. He comes with guns which are best shut away in a drawer. Chromedome doesn't fight. He does the mnemosurgery thing. He'd have been much better with a set of clip-on needles, but we can't have everything now, can we?

As for Rewind, well, it's about as good as he was going to get. The old problem that a cassette is no longer a sensible alt mode remains, so he gets to be a sort of smartphone / tablet thingy that also turns into a tiny tank. Neither mode is much cop, but at least he can get around slightly faster than walking now. I like to think of the tank mode as being one of those land drone things that gets military hardware fanatics all moist in their underwear, and that it's the sort of mode that someone like Rewind would absolutely hate. Ironically Eject would probably be fine with it.

Sure, Chromedome and Rewind remained two of my favourite characters in MTMTE, if only because of how nice it is to see a childhood friend go onto bigger and better things, but in a way Domey very much outgrew me. The importance of thoroughly normalised gay couple in a mainstream comic about plastic robot men cannot be understated, giving a hefty smash of representation to a part of the community who were in urgent need of it. Chromedome, Rewind, Cyclonus, Tailgate, and even Drift and Ratchet mean more to LGBTQ fans today than they could ever do to me just because I had a toy as a kid. That's pretty wonderful. It's tempting to take the Toys that Made Us route and treat our formative years as sacred and unimpeachable, but I would happily let all those memories of the past go in return for people in the present being happy today.

Christ, I feel like a parent giving away their son or daughter at a wedding. NO YOU'RE CRYING. SHUT UP.

#transformers #macaddam #toy review #chromedome #rewind #lost light #more than meets the eye #mtmte

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sunsetstudiesx · 5 years ago

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Film Recommendations!

I thought I’d recommend some of my absolute favourite movies, because I love sharing my love of movies and just things in general with people. So, in no particular order, here is my list of recommendations:

1. Tombstone (1993)

So I just watched this movie a couple days ago and absolutely loved it. Yes, it is a western. Do you need to like westerns to watch it? Nope. That’s why it’s great. And, it’s based on real people/real events. I sobbed hysterically at the end, but I’m also a huge sap. Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday is perfection. I love love love him.

Here’s the plot summary: Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) and his brothers, Morgan (Bill Paxton) and Virgil (Sam Elliott), have left their gunslinger ways behind them to settle down and start a business in the town of Tombstone, Ariz. While they aren't looking to find trouble, trouble soon finds them when they become targets of the ruthless Cowboy gang. Now, together with Wyatt's best friend, Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer), the brothers pick up their guns once more to restore order to a lawless land.

Quotes:

“I’m your huckleberry.”

“Why, Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.”

“You gonna do somethin’ or just stand there and bleed?”

2. Fight Club (1999)

Okay. Okay. I just watched this one, too, and let me tell you. If you haven’t seen it/haven’t been spoiled for it, you have no idea what it’s really about. Honestly. It’s so fuckin’ weird and it blew my mind which is something I thought only M. Night Shyamalan could do. Wow, just. . . wow. Watch it, I implore you. I think everyone essentially knows the basic plot, but here it is if you want it, straight from google:

A depressed man (Edward Norton) suffering from insomnia meets a strange soap salesman named Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) and soon finds himself living in his squalid house after his perfect apartment is destroyed. The two bored men form an underground club with strict rules and fight other men who are fed up with their mundane lives. Their perfect partnership frays when Marla (Helena Bonham Carter), a fellow support group crasher, attracts Tyler's attention.

Quotes:

“You met me at a very strange time in my life.”

“The things you own end up owning you.”

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

3. Unbreakable (2000)

Speaking of M. Night Shyamalan. While every one of his movies I’ve seen (Split, Glass, Lady in the Water, The Visit) have all been fantastic and mind-blowing, Unbreakable still has my favourite premise and my favourite Shyamalan twist ending. I love this one, even though I don’t really care for Bruce Willis.

Plot summary: A security guard, having been the sole survivor of a high-fatality train crash, finds himself at the centre of a mysterious theory that explains his consistent physical good fortune. When news of his survival is made public, a man whose own body is excessively weak tracks him down in an attempt to explain his unique unbreakable nature.

Quotes:

“Do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world. To not know why you’re here.”

4. This is the End (2013)

Seth Rogen. Jay Baruchel. James Franco. Jonah Hill. Danny McBride. Craig Robinson. Playing themselves. The apocalypse. Hilarity ensues. Cameos from Emma Watson, Kevin Hart, Michael Cera, Rihanna, Paul Rudd, Channing Tatum, Aziz Ansari, Jason Segel, Mindy Kaling, and the Backstreet Boys. It’s so funny, I absolutely love it.

Plot summary: In Hollywood, actor James Franco is throwing a party with a slew of celebrity pals. Among those in attendance are his buddies Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride and Craig Robinson. Suddenly, an apocalypse of biblical proportions erupts, causing untold carnage among Tinseltown's elite and trapping Franco's party in his home. As the world they knew disintegrates outside, cabin fever and dwindling supplies threaten to tear the six friends apart.

Quotes:

“I don’t want to die at James Franco’s house.”

“Oh, no, no, no. I’m drinking and smoking weed. I’m on a cleanse, I’m not psychotic.”

“Take it easy, Dumbledore.”

5. You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. This might be my favourite romantic comedy, and I watch a lot. They’re adorable, and Meg Ryan is everything. This one made me cry twice. Once from sadness, once from happiness. Also it has Dave Chappelle in it, who I absolutely love.

Plot summary: Struggling boutique bookseller Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) hates Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), the owner of a corporate Foxbooks chain store that just moved in across the street. When they meet online, however, they begin an intense and anonymous Internet romance, oblivious of each other's true identity. Eventually Joe learns that the enchanting woman he's involved with is actually his business rival. He must now struggle to reconcile his real-life dislike for her with the cyber love he's come to feel.

Quotes:

“There’s the dream of someone else.”

“But I just wanted to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”

“I love daisies. They’re so friendly. Don’t you think daisies are the friendliest flower?”

6. A Hard Day’s Night (1964)

For anyone who loves The Beatles. Here they play themselves, and show what their lives are like. It’s ridiculous and hilarious and god, if I didn’t love them before I loved them dearly after watching. It’s such a fun, easy watch and I adore it.

Plot summary: Over two "typical" days in the life of The Beatles, the boys struggle to keep themselves and Sir Paul McCartney's mischievous grandfather in check while preparing for a live television performance.

Quotes:

“How did you find America?” “Turned left at Greenland.”

“Hey mister can we have our ball back!”

“You’re a swine.”

7. Dazed and Confused (1993)

My favourite movie to watch at the beginning and end of the school year, and let’s be honest, every month in between. I’ve seen this movie more times than I can say. I love the ‘70’s setting, the actors, the plot. Another wonderful, easy watch that just makes me happy. Killer soundtrack, too.

Plot summary: The adventures of high school and junior high students on the last day of school in May 1976.

Quotes:

“You just gotta keep livin’, man. L-i-v-i-n.”

“It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”

“I just wanna look back and say that I did it the best that I could while I was stuck in this place.”

“I’d like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, is some minor, insignificant preamble to somethin’ else.”

8. Dirty Dancing (1987)

Anything with Patrick Swayze is wonderful, and this is no exception. Johnny and Baby are perfect. This movie also has the best soundtrack of any movie I’ve ever watched. Fantastic love story, fantastic movie. Watch it.

Plot summary: Baby (Jennifer Grey) is one listless summer away from the Peace Corps. Hoping to enjoy her youth while it lasts, she's disappointed when her summer plans deposit her at a sleepy resort in the Catskills with her parents. Her luck turns around, however, when the resort's dance instructor, Johnny (Patrick Swayze), enlists Baby as his new partner, and the two fall in love. Baby's father forbids her from seeing Johnny, but she's determined to help him perform the last big dance of the summer.

Quotes:

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

“Fight harder, huh? I don’t see you fighting so hard, Baby. I don’t see you running up to daddy telling him I’m your guy.”

“You’re right, Johnny. You can’t win no matter what you do.”

“Go back to your playpen, Baby.”

9. The Sound of Music (1965)

This is such a beautiful movie, and I love it so much. My mom and I try to watch it every Christmas as our little tradition. Julie Andrews as Maria is so wonderful, and all of the songs are so, so good. I love all of the children dearly, and oh, do I love Captain VonTrapp.

Plot summary: A tuneful, heartwarming story, it is based on the real life story of the Von Trapp Family singers, one of the world's best-known concert groups in the era immediately preceding World War II. Julie Andrews plays the role of Maria, the tomboyish postulant at an Austrian abbey who becomes a governess in the home of a widowed naval captain with seven children, and brings a new love of life and music into the home.

Quotes:

“You cry a little, and then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does.”

“God bless Louisa, Brigitta, Marta, and little Gretl. Oh, I forgot the other boy. What’s his name? Well, god bless what’s-his-name.”

“I want you to stay. I ask you to stay.”

10. Gladiator (2000)

“Are you not entertained?” I think everyone has heard that line, from this amazing movie. One of the many that has made me cry, it’s such a beautiful story. Also, gladiators. That immediately sells it for me. All of the performances by the actors are top notch as well.

Plot summary: Set in Roman times, the story of a once-powerful general forced to become a common gladiator. The emperor's son is enraged when he is passed over as heir in favour of his father's favourite general. He kills his father and arranges the murder of the general's family, and the general is sold into slavery to be trained as a gladiator - but his subsequent popularity in the arena threatens the throne.

Quotes:

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance. In this life or the next.”

“What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

“Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.”

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thevintageconnection · 5 years ago

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My Favorite Vintage Music: Part I

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Hey, guys! Before we get into some of my favorite vintage music, I want to introduce myself and this blog!

Welcome to The Vintage Connection! I’m Morgan, a college student studying Digital Media and Spanish, who loves vintage aesthetics and content. After helping my grandma at my hometown’s historical society since I was ten, as well as growing up influenced by my grandparents’ and parents’ tastes, I developed my own interests in old music, movies, fashion, and more.

I am often known for recommending old artists like Fleetwood Mac and Sinatra over most current popular music and am ready to share some of my vintage favorites from the 1940s and on to a wider and younger audience via this blog, The Vintage Connection! The blog introduces audiences––anywhere from vintage novices to diehard vintage fans––to my favorites, and how to incorporate history and vintage aesthetics into the modern-day.

As an advocate for equality and activism, I also analyze the relationships between my vintage favorites and similar things today. What does it teach us in the present day? How do we feel about it now? How can we access or incorporate this content into our lives today?

The Vintage Connection is all about the various ways that we are still connected to the past, and how we can ensure that connection remains strong.

If you’re a newbie to the vintage world, or you’re a huge fan, or you are older and actually lived through some of these times, welcome! There’s room for everyone here.

Alright, let’s get into some of my favorite music from each decade, beginning with the 1940s, and how these connect to today!

While I’m not well-versed in much music from the 1940s, I couldn’t leave out some of my favorite pieces of all time!

Billie Holiday - “I’ll Be Seeing You”

What an absolutely gorgeous song to begin the list. It makes me feel a certain nostalgia for a time and a love I’ve never experienced. The piano, the trumpets, her melancholy tone, and the crackle of the old recording all produce such a calming and languid sound that makes you melt into your seat.

Édith Piaf - “La Vie en Rose”

Even though I’ve never been to Paris, I have an enormous adoration for that city. It’s at the top of my travel bucket list. This song makes me feel as if I’m strolling down the cobblestone streets of Paris at night, cafés glowing around me, while the Eiffel Tower shimmers in the distance.

Frank Sinatra - “I Fall in Love Too Easily”

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I have no clue how many times I’ve listened to this song. Whenever it pops up on my playlists, I’ll repeat it over and over and over again. Sometimes when I think of it, I’ll search on YouTube for the clip of him singing it in the movie Anchors Aweigh. I had to link it for you guys so you don’t live any longer without seeing this gorgeous scene. What a beautiful soul. I have a soft spot for young Sinatra, especially in this song.

Ugh. So many favorite songs and artists from this decade! 50s music is often so dreamy.

(Be prepared to read “dreamy” a lot from now on in this post and on the rest of my blog and other social media. It’s one of my favorite words, and I love dreamy content!)

Billie Holiday - “Blue Moon”

Here Billie appears again with another song! I have a particular fondness for the moon, and this song also makes me feel like I’m daydreaming when I listen to it, so it will always be one of my favorites.

Ella Fitzgerald - “Dream a Little Dream of Me”, “I’ve Got a Crush on You”, and “These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You)”

I meant to choose just one to share, but I love Ella too much. Her music is always so dreamy and wistful. I can listen to it when I’m doing homework, just hanging out, or doing literally anything.

Paul Anka - “Put Your Head on My Shoulder”

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THE EPITOME OF DREAMINESS. This song makes you reminisce of young love, even if you’ve never experienced it. My favorite version of this track is the 1959 version, which features a young Anka. He definitely maintained a beautiful voice in the years following, and still maintains it today, but there’s just something about the original version that is so endearing and calming. Just like with Sinatra, young Anka holds a special place in my heart.

The linked video above is a live performance from 1962, a few years later than the 1959 recording, but it perfectly captures just how people––not just women––were so enamored of him.

Elvis - “Love Me Tender”, “Are You Lonesome Tonight”, “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, and “Suspicious Minds”

Okay, here I ran into the same issue as I did with Ella Fitzgerald. I tried to not list too many tracks in one decade, especially several from each artist, but I couldn’t help myself with these. And of course, some of my favorites of Elvis’ are his sad songs. I have a weird obsession with sad songs, and even have a Spotify playlist full of sad music. My love for Elvis definitely comes from my dad, who loves him so much. Thanks, dad! ♥

What a beautiful time for music. I have waaaaay too many favorites from this decade, but I managed to narrow it down to a few!

The Beatles - “Here Comes the Sun”

Do I even have to explain why I love this one? This song always gives me that euphoric feeling of that first day in spring where it’s finally sunny again, you don’t need a winter coat, and the snow is mostly melted.

The Drifters - “This Magic Moment”

As expected from the title, this track is pure magic. The swirling instrumental at the beginning before the vocals come in, and that repeats often during much of the number, reminds me of a Disney movie. This is one of those songs that I would love to twirl around to in a 1950s a-line dress until I fell over from getting too dizzy.

Frank Sinatra - “My Way”

Sinatra appears again, this time with one of his more well-known songs. If this music doesn’t make you want to get up and scream the words, I don’t know what to tell you. This track was an original power anthem.

Etta James - “At Last”

Ah, everyone’s favorite wedding song, even to this day. I love how timeless it is. Even if you’re single this song will make you feel like you’re in love.

Ben E. King - “Stand By Me”

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To end the first part of this list here is one of my absolute favorite songs of all time. I don’t know exactly what it is about this piece, but it is one of my favorites of all time. This is another one I can play on repeat nonstop for an hour. Hearing this song always puts a smile on my face, no matter how I’m feeling.

This is a section that I will feature on most, if not all, of my posts, that connects my vintage favorites to today!

I think when people look back on old songs, they tend to focus on the popular white artists of the time and forget about the minorities who often paved the way for various styles of music. I’m always looking for different music to listen to, especially by lesser-known artists and minorities, so if you have any suggestions––and not for just songs––send them my way!

When I listen to some of these songs, especially “This Magic Moment”, I always picture a 1960s dance floor filled with dancing couples. Images like these from movies and old photographs make people of younger generations wish dating, and sometimes life in general, was still like how it used to be back in the day. I do still sometimes yearn to be at a 1950s/60s dance, wearing a gorgeous a-line dress, but I try to not hop on the bandwagon of “I was born in the wrong generation”. I think most of this wish comes from the want to experience a time without modern technology, so I can kind of understand where people are coming from. I never sympathize too much, though, as society is still full of issues today, and I could do without the extra racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. of the past.

Thankfully, all of these classics are fairly easy to find online today: on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes, Apple Music, etc.

For convenience, here’s a link to my Spotify playlist of these songs!

If you are looking for a more comprehensive list of vintage music from the 1940s to 1960s, check out this other playlist of mine, called “Darling”, that features almost 100 vintage tracks. I add to this playlist all the time!

I absolutely adore creating playlists for different moods and situations. Follow me on Spotify (it’s on my personal account for now) and check out any of my 50+ playlists!

Stay tuned for Part II of my favorite vintage music, which will continue from the 1970s to 1980s! I’ll update the Top Vintage Favs playlist when I post Part II!

Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

Morgan 💕

Social Media Links!

Twitter: @connect_vintage

Instagram: @connect_vintage

(Personal) Spotify: Morgan Krull

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geekiary · 6 years ago

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Yesterday is such a lovely movie, told in such a simple but beautiful way.

The premise is simple; what if the whole world has forgotten about The Beatles, and you are the only one who remembers they exist?

⚠️SPOILER ALERT⚠️

And yet that simple premise turns into an interesting movie about Jack Malik (Himesh Patel), an unsuccessful musician who is also the only one who has the memory about The Beatles. When the world had 12 seconds black out one day and he got hit by a bus, everyone suddenly had no idea who John, Paul, George and Ringo were, but weirdly, Jack remembered them. Jack--who actually wanted to stop being a musician to pursue another career since he was aware that he was a failure--sang the supposedly famous song Yesterday, and nobody ever heard that song before. And now, getting praised over singing The Beatles' songs--which people thought were written by Jake himself--Jack tried to pursue his music career again. But at what stake?

First thing that I love about the movie is the cinematography. The camera captures lots and lots of beautiful sceneries with beautiful angles, lightings and colors.

And then of course I love everything about the casts! I've never heard of Himesh Patel before, but he is adorable! I love how he portrays the paranoia of Jack, afraid to get caught over his obvious plagiarism even though everyone clearly has no idea who The Beatles is. And Lily James! Oh my God, she is perfection. Her character is so lovely and beautiful and everything. I can see her character pining over Jack since the very first second and damn, pining looks beautiful on Lily James. Then Kate McKinnon! I love her so much and this movie makes me love her even more. Her character is interesting and I love every second of her performance. And, ED SHEERAN! I didn't think that he would appear this much, but hell, he delivered. I absolutely love it when Salty!Sheeran made his appearance. And lastly, my absolute favorite is, Joel Fry as Rocky! His character is so pure and adorable and my most favorite of all. Always manages to make me smile whenever he appears on screen.

A thing that I don't like about this movie is the one moment where Ellie (Lily James) is trying to move on from Jack by dating another guy, but then Jack is making big confession and Ellie broke up with her current boyfriend after that. Sure, her boyfriend is cool with that, despite being a little bit sad, but still. In my basic principal, I don't agree to that kind of behaviour. But this is just a movie and in the end I ship Jake and Ellie anyway, so I'm happy they got the happy ending they want.

Despite all of those compliments coming from me about Yesterday, I can't help but notice that the IMDb rating for this movie is not that high. To be honest, I can understand why. Yesterday is not the kind of movie that needs conclusion. Not all questions need to be answered. Just let it be. However, I can understand why that kind of thing is not very appealing to people. Because seriously, there are quite a lot unanswered questions. Like, what happened in those 12 seconds blackout? Why it happened? Why Jack and only 2 other people in the whole world remember about The Beatles? Why the blackout erased The Beatles? Oasis? Coke? Harry Potter?

But, hey, I'm okay with wondering and filling the answer those questions myself.

#movie #review #yesterday

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sunshineofyourlove1967 · 6 years ago

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i was tagged by @flying-overseas to answer these questions, thank you so much!! i love doing this so much lmao

1. A song you like with a color in the title

lana del rey - the blackest day (i am o b sessed with this song)

glass animals - black mambo

hippo campus - violet

2. A song you like with a number in the title

lana del rey - 24

one after 909 - the beatles

3. A song that reminds you of summertime

milky chance - flashed junk minds, a lot of their stuff reminds me of summer

basically the entirety of suck it and see by arctic monkeys

from eden - hozier

peach pit - peach pit - they’re such an underrated band, i discovered them before they put out their first album (that is bomb btw), while i was writing an essay one evening and i have loved them ever since!!

4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

imagine dragons - bleeding out i guess lol, and take the night away from me by miles kane, but otherwise none

5. A song that needs to be played LOUD

adam lambert - ghost town

oasis - supersonic and the i am the walrus cover

the stone roses - i am the resurrection

fried my little brains and fuck the people by the kills

6. A song that makes you want to dance

when the sun goes down - arctic monkeys

the beatles - twist and shout, i saw her standing there

the contours - do you love me, such a jam from the 50′s and it’s from dirty dancing ❤️❤️

oscar peterson - mas que nada, we got this on old vinyl and i always dance to it when no one is home lol

7. A song that makes you happy

the doors - people are strange

i feel good (i got you) - james brown

should have known better - sufjan stevens

8. A song that you never get tired of

daft punk ft. julian casablancas - instant crush

the stall - warpaint

9. A song that you would be played at your wedding

hmmmmm i don’t know really, i’ve thought about some suitable songs a few times but absolutely nothing comes to my mind now

10. A song that is a cover by another artist

the white stripes - jolene (originally by dolly parton)

the last shadow puppets - wondrous place (originally by billy fury)

arctic monkeys - red right hand (originally by nick cave & the bad seeds)

11. A song that you would sing a duet with on karaoke

nick cave & the bad seeds, pj harvey - henry lee

used to be my girl - last shadow puppets

12. A song that makes you think about life

a lot of voidz and strokes stuff, 11th dimension too

hard to explain - the strokes and permanent high school - the voidz, especially

by the wall - tomáš dvořák, it’s a soundtrack to a czech videogame called machinarium, and it’s so peaceful and nostalgic and heartwrecking in such a simple, non-demanding way

13. A favourite song with a person’s name in the title

arctic monkeys - arabella

pj harvey - claudine, the inflatable one

pj harvey - angelene, lol a LOT of songs by pj harvey

14. A song that you think everybody should listen to

the stone roses - i wanna be adored

joy division - decades

basically almost everything by the voidz, escpecially human sadness

the entirety of sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band by the beatles, also revolver and abbey road, strawberry fields forever, how soon is now by the smiths, where did you sleep last night by nirvana

15. A song by a band you wish were still together

catching the butterfly - the verve

slide away - oasis - god that song is fucking perfect, i cry every time i listen to it

16. A song by an artist no longer living

john lennon - working class hero, how do you sleep (that song is so mean but i love it)

problems - lil peep

17. A song that makes you want to fall

the memory band - demon days

radiohead - pyramid song

daughter - new ways

m83 - wait

18. A song that breaks your heart

warpaint - stars, i discovered a lot of their songs a few days ago and oh boy do they make me cry, they’re amazing

seafret - oceans

daughter - smother, god it hurts to just remember that song lmao

lana del rey - black beauty, god this song used to w r eck me

19. A song that you remember from your childhood

hana hegerová - lásko prokletá, she is an amazing czech artist and we always listened to her songs with my mom when i was a child, that was awesome

james arthur - impossible

a lot of stuff by lenka dusilová, she’s an another czech artist who also sings in polish sometimes and me and my mom absolutely love her

new radicals - you only get what you give

20. A song that reminds you of yourself

noel gallagher’s high flying birds - while the song remains the same

a lot of strokes stuff, especially from is this it

despair in the departure lounge - arctic monkeys, this song hits too close to home

i tag @crimson-stain, @turneresque , @yufkasaur , @whiskyontherocks , @goodnightsocialist, @thebatphone, @antijulian if y’all wanna, and anyone who wants to do this!!

thank you for tagging me!!

#so many songs but im sure i forgot a ton of them lol #tag #answered

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mon-chert · 7 years ago

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19, 23, 25, 29!

19: A song that makes you think about life

Oh haha that one would definitely be I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) by James Howard, I was such a Treasure Planet kid and I absolutely adore it

23: A song that you think everybody should listen to

No question The Bird Song ((with the Bird Song Intro)) by Florence + The Machine, the intro is so beautiful and I also love singing it cause I can actually match up w/ the pitch, nothing beats an unassuming song with unsubtle implications of murder

25: A song by an artist no longer living

Idk if this counts but probably Yesterday by The Beatles, I remember learning it on piano, a Ukrainian version too lmao ((it’s called Вчора in ukrainian :P))

29: A song that you remember from your childhood

Oh man that would be either I’m Still Here or this one song that my dad would play on the piano all the time but my answer is Comptine d'un autre été: L'après-midi by Yann Tiersen from the french movie Amelie, my mom would put it on all the time in french w/ subs cause she was learning french at the time and I hated watching it so much but now its so nostalgic lol I can also play it on the piano too it’s so pretty

________________________________________________________________

Thanks for the ask, these were very interesting :D ((btw congrats now you’re officially the first person to send me an ask))

#ask #answered #abnormelody

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justniggatrynahelp · 7 years ago

Conversation

The Gang As Girls (Headcanons)

Ponyboy:

-she’s so adorable omg

-has freckles

-her hair goes to the level of her shoulders

-Soda always makes the most adorable braids of her hair

-likes to craft all sort of stuff

-has flowercrowns she made herself

-she just loves adding stuff to anything

-got plain jeans? give it to her and she’ll make a miracle out of it!

-doesn’t like to show off

-wants to grow longer hair like her sister’s

-small bit jealous of Soda’s hair

-pretty tall for her age

-doesn’t like loud music

-kinda insecure about her freckles

-but everyone loves them and finds them so ultra super couper extra cute

-gets nervous while talking about her crushes

-johnny’s bff

-just the cutest girl you’ll ever meet

-won’t admit but loves The Beatles

-would marry all 4 of them

-no question

-they’re the reason she has bangs

-Two-Bit has all their albums and she’s so jealous

-she has a diary

-her favourite actor is Marlon Brando

-favourite actress is Audrey Hemburn

-there isn’t a movie on this planet that moves her world as “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”

Sodapop:

-has long soft & shiny hair

-big baby eyes

-how does she do it???

-wears a lot of different hair clips

-uses hair spray

-takes good care of her nails

-everyone just loves her

-has a very weird fashion sense

-she can go from pink girly dress to guerrilla pants, denim jackets and big boots

-has a tini tiny crush on Steve

-no one knows it

-besides Ponyboy

-and he’s teasing her about it when they’re alone

-likes taking ponyboy’s stuff

-she still didn’t return that flowercrown she took last month

-Pony’s reminding her 24/7 that she has to give it back

-she acts like she’s keep forgetting to give it back

-she actually gave it to Steve

-so, Pony better say goodbye to your beloved flowercrown

-tried cooking

-failed

-Darry’s been on edge of nerves to learn her to cook

-nope

-still failure

-has a huge poster of Elvis in her room

-would sell her soul for it

-acts like she can wear heels

-no she cannot

Darrel:

-100% wonderwoman.

-she has hair which goes to the middle of her back but most of the time she keeps it in a tall ponytail

-usually wears baggy jeans and wide shirts

-COOKING LEVEL OVER 99999999

-makes the bEST brownies in whole Tulsa

-it’s like a social gathering whenever she makes brownies

-very protective of her sisters

-secretely knows about Pony’s “beatlemania” but won’t tell

-always there to save her sisters from any kind of trouble

-wishes they could do more stuff on their own

-cracks puns on a good day

-cracks pans against somebody’s head on a bad day (jk jk jk 😂)

-loves to get dressed real nice when going somewhere important

-her mother left her pearls and she wears them only on special occasions

-loves wearing bracelets

-for her last birthday Soda & Pony bought her a small box full of different bracelets

-each one for each day

-she was extremely happy with the present

-she wears them everyday, making sure they know how happy they made her with it

-Two-Bit is her bestie

-they didn’t hang out that much in since Darry started working

-she misses those days

-but they still get to hang out sometimes

-also listen to records

-she loves listening to The Who

-has 2 albums under her bed

-would wear bell bottoms 24/7

-makes her legs look longer

-plus comfortable & fashionable

Dallas:

-has boy-short hair

-has a blade in her backpocket

-cheekbones as high as her ego

-porcelain pretty clean face

-if you don’t count few bruises from last week’s fight

-not into girly style of dressing

-rocks leather jacket

-owns a collection of chokers

-has wild hair

-Johnny tried putting hair clips to make it look decent

-nope

-the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

-sometimes she goes out in a skirt

-rarely but it happens

-the girl got all the whisles

-and she punched every guy who even dared to say something about her look

-her favourite actor is James Dean

-she rewatched “Rebel Without A Cause” too many times

-feels kinda insecure about her teeth

-she tried not to smile too often

-Johnny noticed this and told her she has the prettiest & brightest teeth she ever saw

-since then Dally’s been laughing like crazy

-a huge fan of The Doors

-would kill if it meant she can go to one of their concerts

-has posters of Jim Morrison in her room

-and if you look a bit closer you can also see a few photos of Marilyn Monroe

-she absolutely adores her

-she and Johnny sometimes recreate scenes from “Some Like it Hot”

-of course, Dallas is going as Marilyn Monroe

- “I swear to god, if you tell anyone what we just did, not only I will beat you up, I’ll beat you up for good!”

- “You’ve got my word!“

-professional at doing makeup

-not many people know this since she only wears makeup during night’s out

-Soda is jealous of her skills

-has a small plant which is placed on her room’s window

-loves the plant

-she even caught herself singing to the plant so it’ll grow faster

Steve:

-a bit shorter than Soda

-has curly hair that goes a little above her shoulders

-loVES sweets

-specially anything with chocolate

-she looks tough & masculine

-but still adorable and effortless

-when she was younger she didn’t like her nose

-no one would even think about it but she she stood in front of a mirror, stared at her face and cried

-one time Soda came in and saw her crying in front of a mirror

-Soda walked closer to her and pulled her into a hug

-they sat in Steve’s room for few hours

-Soda didn’t wish to leave until Steve was completely satisfied with her look

-“Why would you even think your nose is ugly? It’s beautiful the way it is, just look at it! Look how beautiful is your whole pretty face!”

-since then, Steve hasn’t let even a tear

-her favourite movie is “Gilda”

-she’s a pro at fixing cars

-and she looks super cute in her working suit

-specially when she wraps a ribbon around her hair

-you wouldn’t even believe what kind of beauties work at DX

-there are times she walks out in a dress

-her favourite dress is dark blue with white dots all over it

-her favourite thing to wear on her head beside her ribbon is a flowercrown soda gave her a month ago

-simply loves wearing everything

-from all makeup, she only uses lipstick

-her car is the coolest car in whole Tulsa

-has her name written on back of it

-she dreams about being Rita Hayworth

Two-Bit:

-goofiest of all the gang

-has straight hair which comes to level of her shoulders

-her hair is most of the time tied in piggytails

-her dream is to go to Disneyland

-she’d take all her friends with her

-has a big jewerlly box she made herself

-she filled it with all kinds of badges

-she has her own collection of badges

-gang only knows about it

-she has all albums by The Beatles

-has no idea Pony is head over heels crazy about them

-she likes to wear denim jackets

-some of them has a mickey mouse drawn on them

-she likes to draw

-she made her own little comic series just like mickey mouse

-she called the comic: “Two & The Bit”

-she had nothing else on her mind so it was more than okay

-used to be very close with Darry

-hopes those days will be back again

-a big fan of color blue

-Paul McCartney is her idol

-John Lennon is her saviour

-the movie she enjoys watching is “Sabrina” with Audrey Hemburn

-she and Pony watched it together

-both fell in love with it

-Steve gave her a lolipop with Mickey Mouse’s face on it

-she stared at it so long

-she didn’t want to eat such a masterpiece

-but still ate it since Dally said he’ll eat it if she won’t

Johnny:

-her hair is little longer than Dally’s

-she has beautiful dark skin

-such a cutie beautie

-big dark eyes

-small nose with few smaller moles on her face

-she wears whatever she finds in her closet

-she and Pony are like the cutest duo in history

-she reads a lot

-her favourite book is “Sherlock Holmes”

-she watched every movie based on the book

-Pony lets her take some of her jewelly

-and Johnny lets Pony some of hers

-SLEEPOVERS

-she’s amazed by Pony’s designs, like the flowercrows she made

-Johnny even tried writing poetry

-she really likes Jimi Hendrix

-she knows the lyrics to all his songs

-she even got Dallas to listen to them with her

-she really admires Dally

-but thinks she should try to not get in so much trouble

-really quiet

-doesn’t like attention

-wishes she could get to go to London

-she loves doing impressions of Sherlock Holmes

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pinupgalore-lanadelrey · 7 years ago

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Lust For Life Review

*I put this as “personal” and more private because I honestly don’t want to be very public about negative opinions and such and I feel bad that I don’t love the album as much as all of her other albums and felt in a lot of areas that it was lacking - despite having some songs I adore. These are just my personal opinions and I don’t want to be attacked for them! I’ve made an album review for the last 2 albums when they came out and wanted to do one for this one too but was hesitant - which is why it took so long.

13 Beaches (9/10) - Rhyming beaches & peaches is corny but who cares when Lana sounds so beautiful? I love the orchestral intro with the monologue.. it’s just haunting. “Can I let go and let your memory dance in the ballroom of my mind?” *goosebumps* Now that is easily one of the standout lyrics from the album. When she starts belting out the 2nd half of the chorus she RIPS YOUR HEART OUT. The second verse is so beautiful.. the instrumental (aside from the electronic chorus) is so haunting. I get Honeymoon album vibes.

Love (8/10) - A nice and uplifting departure from sadder songs. Not a whole lot goes on with the instrumental aside from a few random noises. The song is beautiful despite a couple corny lyrics “look at you kids, you know you’re the coolest.” But having such a gorgeous, dreamy, and artistic video makes me appreciate the song a lot more (adding a point for the video alone). “mmmm oh oh mmm oh oh oh oh don’t worry baby” literally makes the song for me. I LOVE that part so much and how ambient it is before it goes into the chorus again.

When The World Was At War We Just Kept Dancing (7/10) - When I first heard the snippet of this song I thought it was going to be one of my favorites. I love the acoustic verses so much. So beautiful and nostalgic. I thought the “fucking youth” “fucking truth’ wasn’t necessary. I don’t like how electronic it gets when she sings the song’s title. I do enjoy the message of the song “boys don’t make too much noise and don’t try to be funny” telling them not to harass women. “Is this the end of America? No it’s only the beginning. If we hold onto hope we’ll have a happy ending” <3

Heroin (9.5/10) - This song is really something else. Totally unexpected.. and not totally fitting with this album but in the best way. So dreamy & reminiscent of Barrie James O’Neill’s music. “I’m flying to the moon again”... I can only imagine how amazing this song would sound when high. The way it echoes is so haunting and gorgeous. The 2nd verse gives me UV vibes.. sort of like Sad Girl. I love the guitar added during “like the metal that you hear.” I understand that some fans don’t like the “It’s HOT HOT” part.. it sort of took me off guard at first too but in the right mindset it makes sense. The instrumental & lyrics lend to this sort of manic state of mind & also sort of retro psychedelic.

Cherry (6/10) - I know at least half of the fandom disagrees with me and that this is their fave. I like the guitar and her voice.. but the “yuh” "hey” take away from the verse.. I’d like it a lot better if it wasn’t a synthetic bass.. maybe a bass chello instead? I like how dark the first verse sounds. I think “bitch” and “fuck” are so funny/ corny and take away from the song a little bit (to me.) I feel like this song could easily be a 9 to me if she took out the bitch/fuck, changed the trap beats to a drum, and added SOMETHING to the instrumental.. Imagine more of a UV (guitar) or BTD (orchestra) sound. I feel like the hip hop element just doesn’t fit this song? It’s just my personal opinion. I feel like it has so much potential and has a gorgeous song underneath it all.

Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems (8/10) - This song even starts haunting and deep. The fact that Lana did a song with Stevie is so iconic. “My heart is soft, my past is rough” GOOSEBUMPS. The harmonies & piano backing.. simply beautiful.

White Mustang (6/10) - I feel like White Mustang has / had so much potential. It starts out with Ride / AFFA / Starrey Eyed / Black Beauty vibes.. I like the melody and the way she sings it but the instrumental is so lackluster. :/ It just feels like it’s missing something.. and then the beats sort of take over/ drown the entire song... Like Cherry I also feel like this song could have easily been a 9 or even a 10 for me if this had real strings instead of the snyth & beats it could easily be Ride 2.0 but it fell short :/

Change (8/10) - I feel like we were overdue for a stripped piano song from Lana, like Old Money & Bel Air. I don’t think the song needs anything added to it. I think her voice sounds perfect with piano. I think the message is featured and the song feels intimate and personal. I’m glad her voice isn’t drowned out by beats or anything. I think it’s simply beautiful & I love the “I can taste it turning sour” part.

Lust For Life (6/10) - I’m not big on the talking parts but I do like the doowop vibes. I love the “we’re the masters of our fate..” lyrics & instrumental during that part.. but the chorus is super repetitive & the instrumental is extremely underwhelming to me. I do feel like it sounds like a pop The Weekend song for the majority of it. I do enjoy the instrumental for the 2nd verse & the doowop mixed with Abel’s voice. I think I’d be much more in love with this song if it wasn’t so electronic & repetitive.

Tomorrow Never Came (10/10) - THIS SONG MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. I love the instrumental. Her voice sounds so beautiful with an acoustic guitar and then the surf noir guitar comes in and sounds HEAVENLY “Lay lady lay” iHAVE GOOSEBUMPS EVERY TIME. Everything about the instrumental is perfection. Acoustic guitar, bells, surf noir wah wah guitars.. Then Sean Lennon comes in and sounds so much like his father & like a Beatles song and I start CRYING. This song is as nostalgic as it gets. I knew the second I heard the snippet this would be my favorite. I get that some think it’s corny that she sings “now that I’m singin with Sean” but when you think about it, and listen to just how Beatles-like the instrumental is during that line.. it’s just so cool. Like a peice of the Beatles is really in that song.. and as a Beatles fan.. it is crazy!

Summer Bummer (6.5/10) - I did not want to like this song.. at all. I am not a fan of rap. I’m not a fan of the rap in this. I think the “what what what what what what what what what what what what yup what what what what” is extremely annoying and honestly.. terrible. But I like the piano and love Lana’s haunting and “menacing” backing vocals. It’s so catchy / repetitive I can’t help but turn it up and jam in the car. I also love the high pitch “high tops in the summer” and added beautiful sounding instrumental mixed in the with beat towards the end. But I feel like the production could have been a lot better as well.

God Bless America (7.5/10) - I LOVE how this song starts. This song just brings you to New York. I like the instrumental to this song, I just really wish the loud trap beats and gunshots didn’t overshadow it. I would have probably given it a 9 w/o them (and maybe 1 less chorus). I love that she wrote an album for the women in this country. It really shows how far she has come. The bride of this song is fucking gorgeous. Her vocal layers & mandolin(?) and “ohhhs” are heavenly. The last 90 seconds of the song adds so much more it it. It becomes epic and bringing back the spanish guitar and her voice <3

Groupie Love (6.5/10) - This song gives really strong Honeymoon album vibes. I love the guitar part & her voice “and every time I look up I know what you’re thinking of.” Plus I love the lush strings during “groupie loooooove” despite disliking the beat and the wub wub wub wub going into the 2nd verse.

Get Free (10/10) - I did NOT expect this at all. This song is everything. Just everything. No trap beats, heavenly vocal layers, and Doowop vibes. Then she breaks out the surf noir vibes and I’m hearing serious Lana Del Rey aka Lizzy Grant vibes and I’M IN LOVE. This song is optimistic, upbeat, without lacking instrumentals, has a great lyrics/ message.. Every time this song comes on I crank it up and dance / sing along and have to play the song twice. The beach/ seagulls / ambiance at the end.. just the perfect PERFECT way to end the record. I want this song to get a video so bad. This song FREES ME. I thought Tomorrow Never Came was my favorite.. I think it has the best instrumental & is the most beautiful.. but Get Free is my favorite.

In My Feelings (4/10) - I’m sorry.. but I cannot get into this song. I think it’s the worst one Lana’s ever released and the lyrics are super corny, the instrumental could have been on Miley’s Bangerz or Selena Gomez’s.. or Kesha’s old stuff.. or any other pop singer.. It’s easily the black sheep of the album. “I’m runnin on the treadmill” “sobbing in my cup of coffee” “I’m feeling all my fucking feelings” “I’m crying while I’m cumming.” As a 25 year old woman I find it so cringey... maybe 10 years ago I would have found it edgy and cool. “who’s tougher than this bitch, who’s free-er than me.”

Coachella (6/10) - I wasn’t a fan of this song at first but compared to IMF it’s amazing. I have to admit I think it’d be a lot better as an acoustic song. The acapella version she sang on Instagram was gorgeous. I think the synthetic instrumental sounds fairly nice but I do not like the beat at all. Having a song named Coachella is corny enough.. but I could see how she could relate to Woodstock with Father John Misty playing.. his latest album is absolutely brilliant. I would have figured they would have left it off the album or at least added to the instrumental/ production before putting it on the album. I do really enjoy the bride though. “A stairway a stairway. I got a few things I wanna say, what’s it all for, will it be okay?” and her heavenly “oohs’ echoing in an out.

*FYI* This is my own personal opinion..

I’m not an expert. If you’ve been following my blog for years you know UV is my favorite album. I’m into classic rock & indie music and instrumentals can make or break a song for me because I was raised by a musician who showed me some of the most amazing music out there. I don’t care for radio music or most simple music. Everyone is allowed to have different tastes.. I posted this on read more because I know there are people who love simple upbeat fun songs and are going to be pissed that I think IMF is a crappy song and that I’m not crazy about Cherry, Summer Bummer, White Mustang, Groupie Love or Coachella.

#personal #album review

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fullmoonremus · 5 years ago

Text

He Decided Purple Just Wasn’t For Him | Sirius Black x Reader

Warnings: HARD ANGST without a happy ending, death, mourning, drugs and drug abuse, dark themes

Time/Era: Marauders era

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: After James and Lily die, Y/N watches Sirius fall into insanity.

Request: Hey could you possibly write young!Sirius Black x reader imagine based on song Colours by Halsey? Thanks a lot xx

A/N: I’m sorry in advance. Sirius doesn’t go to Azkaban in this.

masterlist | read on ao3

Sirius was the most vibrant soul Y/N had ever met. Everything down to his smile was full of color. She absolutely adored him. Sirius could touch her arm or look in her direction, and her dark blue soul would turn into a light lilac.

Y/N came from a family very similar to Sirius’; she was the heir of a very strict pureblood family, and she was expected to follow her family’s expectations. She had lived up to the expectations perfectly until she hit the ripe old age of eleven. She was sorted into Gryffindor alongside Sirius and suddenly the Noble House of L/N had no daughter. You are no daughter of mine. A howler was sent on the second day of school. The red envelope twisted into the hideous face of Y/N’s mother and filled the entire Great Haul with her shrewd voice. You are an embarrassment to the name L/N. I have never been more disappointed. Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and tears well up in her eyes. This was the most embarrassed she had ever been. That was until a young boy sitting down the table opened his howler. How despicable. I knew you were a problem child but I never thought you would betray your only family like this. The entire Slytherin table snickered at this. The woman’s voice was very similar to Y/n’s mother’s. It was thin and nasally but it spoke with a keen sharpness. When you return home don’t expect to be welcomed with open arms. The young boy looked over at Y/N with a matching sorrowful expression.

When it came to leave the Great Hall, Sirius came over and spoke to Y/N. She was a good few inches taller than him at this point and he had to raise his head to look her in her eyes. “I’m sorry about that,” He spoke as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “What happened, I mean.” Y/N smiled with half of her mouth, making one of her cheeks puff. “Me too, but hey, at least we can get murdered together.” This made a small smile grace the boy’s face. For some reason, it made Y/N feel warm.

Sirius’s hair covered his eyes and curled in perfect spirals over his forehead. And no matter how sad he was in the moment, he still had a brilliant sparkle in his eye. Y/N had heard a lot about the Black family as Sirius and Y/N’s parents were friends. She knew that they were one of the most regal families within the wizarding world. Y/N didn’t have the biggest expectations for meeting Sirius.

Sirius had also heard a ton about Y/N’s family in passing; they were known for owning part of and sponsoring Gringotts bank. Her father was rumored to be in special talk with some of the goblins, thus making the family name worth millions. Sirius didn’t have the best first impression of Y/N, but seeing what happened in the Great Hall, his hopes of friendship rose. Finally, maybe someone would be able to understand some of the deep thoughts whirling inside his head. “I’m Sirius Black.”

“I’m Y/N L/N, nice to meet you.” ~

“Do you think he likes me?” Y/N asked Sirius one night during their fifth year. The boy had been picking feathers out of a pillow in the common room, but his fingers stopped immediately at the sound of his companion’s voice.

Y/N couldn’t help but admire how he looked in this moment. It was 4 am on a Tuesday; the fire was mere ashes in the fireplace and the half-moon shone through the common room window. A moonbeam reflected across Sirius’ features and cast a deep shadow across the bridge of his nose. The low light defined the dark bun on the back of his head and the various fly away hairs that framed his face. He was effortlessly beautiful, even in his striped boxers and ratty Beatles t-shirt. Especially, even.

Something about the picture in front of Y/N made her feel safe. Sirius sat upright with one leg lazily draped over the arm of the couch, pillow in his lap. Maybe the casual deminer of her best friend comforted her, or maybe it was the lack of school uniform. She didn’t know. Sirius’ head lifted and he made direct eye contact with his best friend.

“Does who like you? The giant squid?” Y/N grew bashful and twisted in her chair a bit.

“No, love, Moony.” Y/N’s cheeks dusted a light rose color, which was only intensified as Sirius remained silent. A deep hatred for Remus Lupin filled his stomach.

“No,” Sirius spat, throwing the pillow onto the cushion next to him. “He doesn’t.”

Y/N is taken aback by the sudden aggression towards her. She crosses her arms and sits back in the chair. “Why not? I mean, he keeps walking me to class, he gave me some candy, he-”

“No, he doesn’t. Honestly, Y/N/N, he’s just being friendly.”

“Are you sure?” Y/N’s face twisted in disappointment. “He hasn’t really done those things for any other girl.” “I know him better than you do, Y/N. Trust me.” Y/N couldn’t describe it, but her beautiful, colorful Sirius turned to gray at the moment.

Remus and Y/N ended up dating for the majority of their 5th year. It was sickenly sweet; the two complimented each other perfectly. Remus loved her with all of his heart, and she loved his company.

This was around the time Sirius started to distance himself from Y/N. She had no idea what she did wrong. One moment the two of them were staying up late in the common room just to talk, the next moment he wouldn’t even meet her eye. “It’s something at home, it’s not you,” Remus had assured her. That’s the thing, though. He would always tell her about his home life.

Y/N began to feel empty without Sirius in her life. She would see him in the common room or hanging out with James, and her stomach would rise to her throat. After a while, this began to impact her relationship with Remus. It started off small, but soon escalated into large arguments.

“Can you stop staring at him? You’re here with me,” Remus said one afternoon as they ate at The Three Broomsticks. They were out celebrating their seven-month anniversary and Sirius just happened to be on a date with a Ravenclaw girl. The two sat four booths away from Remus and Y/N, and they were in Y/N’s direct line of vision. The girl was chatting animately while Sirius pretended to listen. Y/N turned to look at her boyfriend.

“I’m not staring at him, love, I’m just thinking.”

“Yeah, thinking about him. Come on, give me a break. It’s our anniversary.”

“I am not thinking of him, Rem. I’m just daydreaming.” Remus pressed his back into the booth and covered his face with one of his large hands. Y/N loved his hands, but they were poor in comparison to Sirius’.

“I don’t deserve this,” Remus said, gripping the edge of the table and pulling himself to a standing position. “I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. And you love Sirius.”

Y/N stood up too. “I don’t love Sirius, I love you.”

Remus lets out a single, harsh laugh. “Listen, Y/N, you deserve happiness and it’s very obvious I can’t give that to you,” He looks over to Sirius’ table to see the boy’s gaze fixed on him. “But he can. Please, save me the additional heartbreak and just get on with it. For the love of Merlin.”

“Does that mean you’re breaking up with me?” Y/N sniffled. Remus had been her first boyfriend, and to have it end so badly was a shame. She couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t expecting it, but it still stung.

“Think of it more like...setting you free.” Remus leaned down and kissed her cheek before walking out the door. Y/N now knew what it felt to be gray.

As time went on, Y/N’s gray soul started to morph back into dark blue. She thought a lot about what Remus had told her, setting you free. Maybe he was right, she didn’t exactly know. Y/N spent a lot of time at the lake. There was an old, splintered bench near the shore that had an excellent view of the water. Especially at night. The moon would reflect against the water and make the surface look like liquid silver; sparkling, and swirling against the dark depths.

“Hey,” A familiar voice said one night. His voice was smooth and silky like he had just finished drinking a warm cup of tea. Y/N could sit and listen to him talk for hours.

“Hi, Sirius.” Y/N responded, pulling her knee to her chest and tucking it under her chin. She suddenly felt insecure under the gaze she once felt most comfortable.

“I heard you and Moony broke up,” He said casually, as if he was discussing what he had for dinner.

“Yeah, you watched it happen.”

An awkward silence fell over the two.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. Y/N sucked in a harsh breath. “Yeah, why did you do that?” There was a pause.

“I don’t know, Y/N.”

“Yes, you do. Don’t lie to me.” She turned her head to look at him. The moon was casting a dark shadow over his nose, like that night in the common room. Y/N observed how it danced across his skin as his head moved. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and Y/n could see a hint of the colorful boy she had known for years.

“It’s embarrassing to admit if I’m being frank,” His fingers fidgeted with a loose thread on his shirt. “I guess I was a bit jealous of Remus.” “You, Sirius Black, was jealous of Remus?” She couldn’t believe his words.

“I know, it’s stupid.” His back slouched against the splintering wood. It pressed into his skin through his clothing but he didn’t want to move and disrupt the still atmosphere.

“It’s not stupid, love. I just missed you. Besides, my relationship wasn’t exactly the best, there was nothing to be jealous of.”

“What do you mean?” His eyes met Y/N’s for the first time since he sat down.

“I don’t know, I think the entire time I was wishing it was someone else? Every time we kissed I wanted it to be someone else. Every time he called me “baby” or “love” or “darling,” I wanted it to be someone else.” Y/N looked directly into Sirius’ eyes. “Every time we fucked I wanted it to be someone else.” Sirius’ eyes grew dark.

“Who did you want it to be, Y/N?” She scooted closer to the boy and turned so her body was facing his straight on. She reached out her hand and cupped his cheek, her thumb running against his lower lip. “I think you know the answer to that question,” “Say it, I need to hear you say it.” “You, Sirius. I wanted it to be you.”

The look in Sirius’ eyes was the most colorful look Y/N had ever seen.

“I think it’s him,” Sirius paced across the floor of his and Y/N’s bedroom. “Remus has to be the spy.”

Y/N placed a gentle hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder and led him to their shared bed. He was wearing all black clothes, having just returned from an Order mission with James. Y/N wondered if Lily was dealing with the same sort of conspiracy from her husband. She thought of Lily bouncing baby Harry on her hip while James paced across their living room floor.

“Remus is not the spy, darling,” Y/N ran a comforting hand across Sirius’ back. His muscles were tensed into tight knots.

“It has to be someone close to us, and we haven’t even heard from him in weeks. He’s out to get our godson because James didn’t choose him. Or maybe he was manipulated by the werewolves. Completely brainwashed.” “It’s not Remus, end of conversation.” Y/N glanced out the window at all of the Halloween decorations. She loved this time of year. The colors were gorgeous, the atmosphere was spooky, and the weather was amazing.

“Prongs said him, Lily and Harry are going into hiding,” Sirius said. He took hold of Y/N’s hand and began playing with her ring-clad fingers. Still not the ring she yearned for, but she was more than patient.

“Hiding? What do you mean?”

“Apparently, You-Know-Who is planning on killing Harry.” Sirius looked solemn. “They asked me to be secret keeper, you know. I couldn’t do it.” “Kill Harry? Why him out of everyone? He’s just a baby…”

“I guess there was some prophecy that included a boy born in July, and it matches with Harry perfectly. The Longbottom’s kid, too.” Sirius let his back hit the mattress and his hands ran down his face. How Y/N loved his hands.

“Who’s the secret keeper if it’s not you?”

“I’m not sure. James picked someone,” Sirius lied. “It’s not all bad, I guess. Keeps the spotlight off of you. Us.”

“It doesn’t matter if the spotlight is on me or not, you know that. I would happily die for any one of you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, love.”

Sirius was with Y/N on Halloween night. He insisted that the two of them hit the hay early that night as he had been awake for almost 72 hours due to a particularly hard mission. He never spoke to Y/N about his missions, but she knew that this one would take a long time for him to process. Sirius had fallen asleep at such an early hour, that Y/N hadn’t even eaten dinner yet. Still, she tucked him into their bed, kissed his forehead, and turned out the light.He had only been asleep for almost four hours when the doorbell rang. Y/N was finishing a cup of tea in the kitchen when it happened. Puzzled, she grabbed her wand and opened the door. “Ms. Y/L/N,” Albus Dumbledore greeted, pushing his way into the small house. “May I help you?” Y/N had never been particularly fond of the old professor, and his presence made an uncomfortable feeling overwhelm her senses.

“I actually come baring some unfortunate news.” The way he talked made Y/N uneasy. Why was he so casual about it? “May I ask where Mr. Black is?”

“He’s asleep upstairs, I am sure I can handle the news by myself.” “As you wish,” The old man takes a deep breath. “The Potters have been ambushed…”

“Babe, you have to eat something.” Y/N said, pushing a bowl of cereal towards Sirius. It had been six months since James and Lily were murdered. While it was hard for Y/N, it was devastating for Sirius. His smoking had taken on a mind of his own, acting as a gateway drug. He had attempted to hide his activity from Y/N, but that proved to be difficult when he started using every single day. Whether that was alcohol or drugs, he was just happy to be sedated and numb.

More times than not, he would lash out at Y/N. He blamed her for Lily and James’ death, saying that she should have talked him out of rejecting the secret keeper job. And when she would find him on the bathroom floor, eyes bloodshot with his head in the toilet, he blamed her for not taking care of him.

The thing Sirius didn’t seem to understand was that Y/N was mourning just as much as he was. Similar to his situation with James, Lily had taken Y/N into her wing and added her to the family. It felt like a knife being stabbed through her heart when Albus Dumbledore had declared Lily dead. Sweet Lily Evans with the quick mouth and heart of gold. Lily Potter, the woman who dropped everything to protect her son and loved her husband more than anything, was dead. Even just the thought made Y/N’s stomach twist in knots.

All of the color within Sirius and Y/N’s lives had vanished. Any beauty had been ripped from their brains and replaced with deep feelings of regret, guilt, and depression. At month four, Y/N decided to visit a therapist to reorganize her brain. She had tried to get Sirius to come with her, but he wouldn’t move off of their sofa.

“Stop bossing me around,” Sirius responded, pushing the bowl away from his body. His mind seemed to be clearer today, but his skin still had a sickly yellow hue and his eyes were sunken in. Somehow, she had managed to convince him to shower the day prior, so he did not reek of body odor.

“Sirius, please. You haven’t eaten since yesterday morning.” Y/N was trying to cope as well as she could. Not only was she mourning her best friends, but she was also trying to watch over Sirius. Between therapist visits and tending to her lover, she had taken up journaling and meditation. It wasn’t a cure, but it sure did help.

“You know what? I’m tired of you acting like you’re so much better than me, with your fancy therapist visits and mental health bullshit. You’re not better than me, Y/N.” His voice was loud, but she knew it was just his sick mind talking. She tried to take everything he said with a grain of salt.

“I don’t think I’m better than you, baby. What I do think, though, is you need to eat your cereal.” She pushed the bowl closer to him and he snatches the spoon from inside the bowl.

He shoves multiple heaping spoonfuls into his mouth. “Fine, if it will make you get off my back.” Small bits of chewed cereal spray all over the table as he spoke.

“Y/N, I think I need help,” Sirius said one evening, an empty bottle of vodka in his hand. His cheek was laying on her shoulder and his drool was dripping down her shirt. He was dressed in striped boxers and a raggedy Beatles t-shirt, but this time, the fabric had various stains and burn marks. Y/N wiped some of the sweat-soaked hair off of his forehead.

“Help with what, babe?”

He lifts the bottle in response. “I want to be happy again.”

The following day, Y/N contacted a drug rehab center. When they arrived, Y/N kissed Sirius’ cheek.

“I’m proud of you for getting help,” She whispered so only he could hear. Sirius looked as if he couldn’t understand what Y/N was saying.

“I don’t want to be here, Y/N. Please don’t make me.” His voice came out as a whimper, making Y/N’s eyes grow damp.

“I know, my love, but this place is going to help you.” Y/N wiped a tear from her cheek. “I love you.”

Sirius stayed in rehab for three months before he was released.

The first time Y/N saw him was magical; his hair was cut short, he had shaven his beard, his skin was back to its normal color and his eyes had regained their sparkle. He seemed to get his colors back. When Y/N ran to hug him, though, he didn’t hug back.

“Sirius! You look so good!” Y/N exclaimed, taking in the new look of her boyfriend.

“Thank you, you do too.” His voice was monotone and flat, his eyes landing on anything but hers.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think we need to talk, Y/N,” He led her to sit down on a bench outside of the rehabilitation center. He took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to talk to different professionals. I don’t want you to take offense to what I’m about to say because it is anything but your fault.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, my therapists said I need to take a break from things that are bringing me distress so I can move on and heal.” He looked down at his hands. “And that’s James and Lily’s death. Y/N, every time I look at you I’m reminded of them and the good times we had. I think about how we’re Harry’s godparents. I think about how James always used to kiss your cheek to make me jealous. I think about you and them, Y/N.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Y/N felt her entire world begin to collapse.

“I think we need time to heal separately, to deal with this in our own ways. I love you so much and I am so grateful for what you’ve done for me, but I need a break.”

Y/N felt her chest close and her shoulders shake with a sob. She got up from the bench quickly, pushing past Sirius and towards the parking structure.

She was no longer purple or even blue; she was the color of a thunderstorm. She was the color of a bad day, of paying taxes and skinning your knee. Y/N was the color of pain and she wasn’t sure if she would ever be purple again.

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