#i also think its funny how i dont remember any of the things i prayed for - but tbf i had a relatively easy childhood thankfully

[zeltqz]

This might be late because tr has already ended, but what do you think should the ending have added in terms of loose ends and in what part should have ended? I don’t remember if you had any thoughts on the ending and I’m sorry if this is super long!! ❤️

AH yeah i already spoke abt this when it ended but idm going over it again

ahem

so i liked the ending a lot, just hated how it was executed. there was so much wasted potential there and im not mad because i know it wasn't just lazy sloppy writing, wakui was on a time limit with shonen jump apparently and had to rush it so i 100% get it and im not mad because of that

but it is a little disappointing having hearing all these cool theories about hanma and the haitanis and the whole reaper and pierriot shit with shuji and sanzu. it was such a good fucking theory and it almost feels canon. i felt like those theories set the bar so high for me so for the ending to be that simple instead lowkey just ruined it for me

i also hate how shuji did all that cuz he was 'bored' like its funny and stuff but i hope he had a bigger role and still hope he does. like i still dont beleieve he had no set purpose in the story aside from just comic relif yk? he was so shady and it wouldve made so much sense if he was the leaper, and even if he wasnt a leaper, he could've still had a role in it

and i hate how the side characters are so cool yet we dont know shit about them. especially the haitanis and kakucho. the most we know about them is so short and brief statements and i feel like there is no canon them. its all fanon versions we all created using small statements and facts from their sheets to create a version of them inside our heads

like before the character sheet, the way we viewed ran was WAY different to how he actually is, just a lazy ass mf that sleeps all day lmfao

and though i hate takeomi, i wanted to know more about him story wise like what was the final thing that set haruchiyo off to the point he abanonded them, changed his name and went to mikey instead. and where was he staying during all that? who was he living with? mucho? did he live alone? how did takeomi get that scar? we know now because of the recent charcater book but its not enough infomation

like if all this stuff was included in the main plot of the story, the manga wouldve been so much better and more inclusive to the side charcters

even shion. i dont care abt him at all but i wanna know his backstory. are his parents alive? does he have siblings? are the haitanis parents alive? who were kakuchos parents and whats that mans birthday like

theres so many questions and i dont know shit abt half the characters that aren't the main group and it rlly feels like wasted potential

but i understand the circumstances that wakui was put through so im not that upset about it but i really am hoping and praying he realises smaller stories about different charcters and there full backstories, how they became delinquents, how they went to juvie, how they found juvie, any small intersting things that happened to them that make them more of an actual character rather than just a side character with bits of info thrown at us

[spacetimeodysseyofjane]

From The Vault: 11 Mar 2019

Having fun, eh? How are you doing? I am sure that you are still hurting but kudos to you! getting better each day! You have already did a lot of things, I know its a long long way, but youve already started it.

Its okay to be sad at times, no one is stopping you from feeling that way. Your feelings are valid. And dont ever think that you are weak for feeling sad. Just dont go back to anything/anyone that brought you pain.

Keeping yourself busy is helping you, please, please, continue being productive. Dont let any frustrations get into you. You need to build yourself up again.

You did it before, you can do it again.

Fast forward! I did it! Visited my old journal and I found this. Grabe! it felt like a century ago! To be honest, I have forgotten most of what happened! One of my bestfriends told me that I am so good at repressing memories! hahaha! I guess, it was legit painful for me that my brain pushed all the bad things to my unconscious. lolz.

I am trying to recall events, but I can't clearly remember. I just know that it hurt so bad that I want to start anew. I deleted everything, didnt leave a single convo from any social platforms. I also unfollowed and unfriended people who are not good for me. During those times, I want to disappear! I was even praying to God to give me amnesia! hahaha!

What happened last 2019 was super strange to me, I wasn't broken because someone left me. I was heartbroken because I failed myself. I betrayed myself in many ways. I allowed things to happen even though I am aware that I'll regret the outcome. I was heartbroken because I hurt myself and I hurt other people.

_________________________

2023 UPDATE!

i'm cleaning up my tumblr drafts, i wrote this last year. i dont know why i didnt share it. lol. i just realized that i've been blogging my life since i was a teen and here i am, turning 30 and still doing it :D i'm glad i documented my life. i know it's weird coz i dont want this to be out in the public but writing is therapeutic for me and i'll never get tired of blogging.

anyway, there's a strange feeling after reading the post. i know that it happened but i cant remember the exact feeling. and i am happy about it lol i sure dont want to experience that again. but there was a point in my life before that it hurts so much that i thought i will never get over the pain. and now it's gone. everything will pass. :)

funny coz while writing this, so yesterday by hilary duff is playing

Laugh it off and let it go and When you wake up it will seem so yesterday, so yesterday Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay?

[violentdevotion]

when I was a kid and I wanted smth enough to pray for it I would make barters with God, like small stuff like "if I get this ill do the dishes everyday for a week" the big one I used a lot was id learn my native language, which in hindsight makes no sense cos why would God care if I can speak apni or not, but it was smth my parents were constantly making me feel bad about not being able to do. and I was never really taught how to pray for something so during Ramadan I had asked my mum and she said you just gotta ask and if it's good for you it'll come

[trvncyz]

Jujutsu Kaisen characters during Ramzan || random headcannons || part 1

PART 2 OUT NOW

note: before i start, i would like to clear out that these are just some things which happen in my house and may differ from your culture. this is just how i would imagine the jjk characters to behave during ramzan. hope you enjoy!

-4/27/21

part 1- nobara, itadori, megumi, gojo

part 2

1. Nobara Kugisaki

very excited to fast because it reduces weight!

the kind of person who sleeps through the fast and only wakes up for namaz.

eats most of the fruits during iftar

doesn't want to miss any fasts because she had a bet going with itadori to see who could keep the most number of fasts. (being a girl, nobara knew she would lose but she's not the type to back down from a fast either.)

she regularly gets scolded for not helping at all with the making of the iftar.

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK WHEN I'M SLEEPING?!"

"IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERED A FAST IF YOU COMPLETELY SLEEP THROUGH IT" (dadi™)

she's very excited for eid to come because... who isn't? new clothes, eidi (money) and good food? i think yes.

the type to stay awake till sehri so that she doesn't accidentally miss it.

i think she keeps most of her fasts, leave for her periods or a few days where she threw up because of the long day or something.

2. Itadori Yuji ft. Sukuna

alright hear me out, he's the type of person who blocks Jennifer Lawrence, Kylie Jenner etc on ramzan chaand raat and unblocks them on eid chaand raat. (did that make sense?)

has a bet going with nobara to see who can keep more fasts. doesn't matter if he's absolutely dying, he wont miss a fast. (that's good tho?)

accidentally saw one of his bikini posters and chanted "Astaghfirullah" for the rest of the day.

he was teasing nobara for not fasting and got a pillow straight to his face

he starts taraweeh in hopes of praying next to his crush's father but dips midway

like nobara, he's very excited for eid. the type to put his eidi pictures on snapchat

almost swore at sukuna in his head but he held himself back

sukuna keeps talking about food in his head. like dazai in that bsd wan scene where he kept whispering 'curry, curry' in ango's ear.

the type who complains about not enough iftar being made though he barely eats any.

"iftar bohot kam bana hai."

"tum itna toh kha k dikhao"

"there's barely enough iftar" "try to finish this much first"

(the english translation isnt funny at all pls-)

3. Megumi Fushiguro

perfect boy

keeps all his fasts

wakes up on time for sehri. sometimes also goes out to get the yoghurt.

opts for a whole 27 day taraweeh

prefers wearing full sleeve shirts/tshirts and fully covered trousers if he's not wearing a kurta pajama or something like that.

BLACK KURTA WITH ROLLED UP SLEEVES (SCRREEEEAAAAAAMMMMSSSSS)

sometimes helps out his mom with iftar

cooks for his sister when she's not fasting

it was very hard for him but he completely stopped hitting itadori during the month. he was back to normal from eid.

speaking of eid, he isnt overly excited about it but he's looking forward to the sheer qorma.

megumi (to me) is someone who always needs something playing in his ears. its his way of concentrating and stimulating his brain and it really eases his stress (am i talking about myself? absolutely.) during ramzan, he decided to switch to random podcasts or recitations and stuff.

if he's tired or feeling a bit sick, he sometimes sleeps during his fast.

MAJOR HEADACHES™

i dont know what i can write about this boy, he's absolutely perfect in my eyes and i dont know what he could do wrong except hit itadori.

4. Gojo Satoru

the ultimate cause of megumi's headaches

totally sleeps through sehri

he might be fasting but his energy level never goes down like HOW?! others are almost dead but he just keeps jumping around like he's hinata shoyo or something

halal pick up lines which make you swear

"I want your feet to be my kid's jannah."

"I want my feet to straight up meet your nose."

fr if you spoke to him during your fast, keep muttering "la haula wala quwaita illa billah hil ali al azeem"

always looking for excuses to skip his fasts but nanami keeps him in check

has to be constantly nagged to pray. never does it in time. often his namaz gets qaza-ed. (what's that even supposed to mean?)

he once tried to make iftar for the children. everyone ate iftar about 2 hours after sunset. (pain)

he too, is the type to pray taraweeh next to his crush's father.

speaking of taraweeh, he's just lying there after his iftar feeling like he's missing something when he suddenly remembered that he didn't turn up to taraweeh that day.

complains a lot about how he's thirsty while he's fasting and get's a scolding from nanami everytime.

shoko tried to tell him the positive effects of fasting but he just ended up telling her that "girls use their periods as an excuse to skip fasting." shoko didn't let him eat iftar that day.

weird food combinations even during iftar. cucumber with ketchup? rooh afza on watermelon? you bet he does that daily.

(both of these are very tasty, you can try it out if you want to.)

starts counting down to eid the day ramzan starts.

his RICH GUY EID FLEX PLS. he got his new nike shoes stolen from the mosque and it served him right.

gives everyone lots of eidi on eid because he's RICH™

-----

got a little carried away but i loved writing this! gonna do a part 2 in the future with other characters. maybe even a part 3 but thanks for reading. if you have any questions about this post, feel free to ask me!

ramzan mubarak to everyone and happy fasting!

[holding-infinity-and-a-book]

I posted 9,273 times in 2021

2688 posts created (29%)

6585 posts reblogged (71%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.4 posts.

I added 4,540 tags in 2021

#asks - 2289 posts

#gobi - 411 posts

#saved - 354 posts

#chocie - 272 posts

#anon - 267 posts

#siya speaks - 219 posts

#uvi uwu - 201 posts

#absolutely mind boggling - 188 posts

#tanviii - 179 posts

#pista - 160 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#its this like free show with no drama and just high level jokes that sometimes i dont get but i do and its fun and ykw im gonna take a nap

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

“My child is fine” your child is in a cult and snorts maggi masala with people on the internet

348 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 08:45:40 GMT

#4

Whatever you can eat with a spoon, you can eat with a fork.

362 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 16:09:07 GMT

#3

I’m so sick and tired of people saying dance isn’t a sport, it’s just a side thing, dancers can’t be taken seriously yada yada yada

like bro

have you seen classical dancers? With the amount of body and strength training it takes to do what they do they could easily kick your ass to China and the reason they don’t is because it also takes patience and willpower to dance like them they could easily kill you and look like a divine entity passing judgement while doing it

and Bollywood/hip hop dancers? or basically those who do the upbeat western styles as well? have you seen how fast they pick up the new steps? or their speed and coordination? have you seen their determination bro if they put in half the energy they put in here they could easily rob you and your bank and you wouldn’t even notice

and contemporary/ballet dancers? bro they’re sirens in human form they’ll dance around you and you’ll gaze at them, enraptured by their movements and you won’t even know you’re dead until you look down and see a knife passing through your stomach

and the people who dance for fun? those who dance just cause they like it? like to move, feel the beat? they’re the most dangerous because they do not give a shit what people think. they’re merciless and are not bound by any code of conduct except their own and will destroy you by hook or by crook if you cross them

fear dancers dude. its not a sport. it’s much more than that.

373 notes • Posted 2021-01-26 06:25:55 GMT

#2

Listen

Things are bad rn. We all know it. The country is suffocating. Our leaders gave failed us. But we are all contributing in whatever way we can. It is horrible right now yes but there is a glimmer of hope. And it will grow. Things WILL get better. Trust me. I know they will.

Setting the skewered politics aside, everywhere there are just people who will pray for each other, even in different countries. We have each others back.

Till then, remember to prioritize your health as well. Physical and mental. Dont open any social media, even tumblr if you feel like it. These posts can be overwhelming especially cause most of us cant donate. Even if you can, the helplessness can still affect you. Don't worry. Watch funny movies, sing along to songs and don't feel guilty.

Have some hugs from me *big hugs*

386 notes • Posted 2021-04-24 14:41:52 GMT

#1

4708 notes • Posted 2021-06-15 03:07:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[css1992]

could u do more high school au's pls? I was thinking maybe rich popular peter who seems untouchable and then grungy tony who just doesnt care for appearances and hes been pining after peter his whole school life

+

could u make it so that tony is rich and everyone knows it but he just doesn't care about his money and doesnt act rich so it's one of those things that u know but dont acknowledge. also if tony's daddy issues made an appearance id be so happy ty.

I’m so sorry for the delay, but I really do hope this scratches your itch! 

***

He had that sort of beauty that almost hurt to look at. So pure and soft. Pink cheeks, small eyes that squinted when he laughed – which was often –; brown, wavy hair, so shiny and silky-looking; thin, pink lips, always stretched in a smile. He had the most beautiful smile Tony had ever seen, too. Honest and wide, happy.

He was never alone. Of course he wasn’t. He was too magnetic, there were always people drawn to his light, following him around, laughing at his jokes, making him laugh in return. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him, a scrap of his attention. And he, being the lovely human being that he was, made room for anyone who wished to bask in his light.

Jocks liked him. Peter was great at team sports, he was light on his feet and good with his hands. He wasn’t in any teams, though, claimed he didn’t have the time, but he was always picked first in P.E. group activities. Tony knew, watched him at practice way too often – from a distance, of course, as he did his stretches and sit-ups with Rhodes.

Nerds liked him, too. He was really smart, an asset to the Decathlon team, and was always willing to help anyone having trouble in class. Even the weirdos from drama club, glee club and the school band loved him – he never made fun of them, on the contrary, he was always very vocal about how talented they were and how he wished he could be a part of their clubs, too.

Girls swooned at him. He was kind and sweet, a good listener, and gorgeous. Guys weren’t immune to his charms, either. The ones Tony knew for a fact that were gay or bi didn’t even try to pretend they didn’t watch him when he walked down the halls, but even supposedly straight guys, like Steve Rogers, sneaked a peek now and then, face flushed, if he was wearing specially tight jeans.

Tony was jealous of all those people, but he learned to deal with it. He’d been, well, admiring him from a distance for years. He was used to seeing people make passes at him, ask him out. Peter was discreet, though. If he ever dated anyone, nobody ever heard anything about it. He was a mystery, Tony wasn’t even sure if he was gay, straight, bi or whatever – there were rumors that he had made out with Wade Wilson in freshman year, but neither of them confirmed or denied it. Tony hated the guy anyway.

“If you keep staring, people are gonna know you’re in love and not actually dead inside,” Rhodey spoke up right next to him, taking a huge bite of his tuna sandwich. Tony averted his gaze from Peter’s table for a minute and looked at his friend, annoyed. “It’s gonna ruin your whole aesthetic.”

“Very funny,” He rolled his eyes and looked back at Peter. There were so many people around him he could barely catch a glimpse of his smile, which was annoying.

His dad’s company, Parker Innovations, had just released a new phone a few weeks earlier, it was ridiculous how many people thought they could get one for free if they kissed his ass hard enough. At least Tony didn’t have to endure that kind of nonsense anymore. People in that school learned very early on that even though he was related to Howard Stark, he wanted nothing to do with the guy – or his company, or his money. They also learned sucking up to him did nothing but annoy him, so they kind of just forgot he existed over time and he blended right in with everyone else – a blessing in its own right.

“Rhodey is right, you’re drooling, it’s a little embarrassing,” Natasha looked at him with boredom as she nibbled on her fries. “You should just ask him out, you’ve been pining for ages.”

“I’m not pining,” he huffed, irritated, and the redhead smirked, raising a perfectly manicured brow.

“Right, yearning might be more accurate. Bruce?” She glanced at their other friend who scratched his chin, pretending to think about it.

“I think obsessing sounds more like it. Rhodey?”  

“Fuck you guys,” he barked before they could keep the game going, and all three laughed at him. Someone got up from Peter’s table and he caught a glimpse of his beautiful face, their eyes made contact for half a second and Tony looked away.

“No, but seriously, Tones. Just go talk to him, he’s a great guy, I’m sure he wouldn’t be an ass about it.” Bruce adjusted his glasses and said that like it was simple. Like he would have the guts to do it if he was in Tony’s position – he wouldn’t, he’d pined for Thor, an exchange student, for a year, and never worked up the courage to ask him out. The guy went back to Norway or whatever and Bruce never even said hi to him.

“I know, of course he wouldn’t, but I don’t wanna be one of those people begging for his attention, just look at that.” He pointed at the little crowd around him, people were almost literally fighting for his attention, the poor guy could barely finish his lunch. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you’re not them,” Natasha said that like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Tony frowned.

“How am I different?”

“You’re a certified genius, you and him have similar interests and you look hot in a ‘I’m gonna fuck  you raw in the back of my car’ kinda way. I don’t know, maybe he’s into that.” The redhead shrugged, again, saying all that like it was obvious and an unquestionable truth.

“Yeah, right, sounds just like him,” Tony scoffed.

Peter was perfect in so many ways – perfect face, perfect body, perfect grades, Tony was sure he pooped out candy or something – of course he wouldn’t go for a guy like him. He had a bad reputation, he was in detention more often than not and people in general considered him an asshole – all because he didn’t partake in their little games of social climbing or whatever. No, Peter wouldn’t go for his grungy ass. He’d probably go for all American, apple pie, boy-next-door Steve Rogers.

“No, she’s right, I’ve seen him looking at you several times.” Bruce pointed out, not for the first time, and Tony scoffed.

“Oh, yeah? When?”

“AP chemistry class. I’m his lab partner, remember?” How could Tony forget? As Mr. Erskine called out their names, Tony prayed to a God he didn’t even believe in that he’d be paired up with Peter, but no such luck. “He stares at you whenever he has a chance or an excuse. You know, when you blow things up, for example.”

“Yeah, which is why he must stare, he must be afraid for his life.” Tony hated to admit that he was way more prone to causing explosive accidents when Peter was in the room. It was fucking embarrassing.

He sighed, drinking the last of his coke. No matter what his friends said, he knew he didn’t stand a chance with Peter. He was… Untouchable. He was too good for him, Tony wasn’t even sure he’d want to taint him if he had a chance –  no, scratch that, he definitely would.

He chose to watch him from afar, allowing himself a few fantasies and daydreams. He had this really stupid and lame one, where he walked up to Peter in the hall, people just parted to let him through, then he gave him his trademark, lopsided grin and asked him out. Peter smiled brightly up at him, holding his books to his chest, cheeks flushed, eyelashes fluttering as he whispered a shy “yes” and leaned up to kiss him. Yeah. That was the whole fantasy.

Peter was so untouchable to him that he didn’t even dare to dream further than that. Of course when he was alone in his room, late at night, relieving himself, a few… less pure fantasies popped up unsolicited, but he felt so guilty then, dirty even, like he was disrespecting him somehow. It was all very confusing, but he still came, shamefully, to the thought of his beautiful face scrunched up in pleasure as dream-Tony fucked him.

The bell rang and everyone hurried to get to their next period, Peter was no different, he gathered his things and stood up, looking around the cafeteria like he was looking for someone. Their eyes met again for a second, but Tony quickly looked away, grabbing his backpack in a hurry to leave.

It was Thursday, the worst day of the week for him, none of his friends were free to hang out with him until later, so he either had to head home and deal with Howard or he had to find somewhere to be for a couple of hours, until Rhodey was done with football practice so they could go to his place. That day, Tony decided to just stay by his car, smoking a cigarette and singing along to Black Sabath’s Iron Man, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go. He was so distracted watching the smoke dissipate into thin air that he didn’t notice when someone approached, and jumped almost a foot in the air when they spoke.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting caught smoking on school grounds?” Tony almost dropped dead when he registered the angelic voice. He was already having a heart attack as it was, but the boy was so close and he had that beautiful smile in place, blushing cheeks and all. It took almost a full minute for him to calm himself down.  

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” The older teen answered when he finally found his voice and got his breath under control enough not to make a fool of himself. Peter smiled wider, biting his lower lip.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He fake whispered, leaning a little into the older boy’s space and he almost choked on nothing. Peter’s smell was inebriating, expensive and sweet, but not overly so – perfect. He recomposed himself quickly, though, and nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure why Peter was talking to him and, frankly, he was too fucking nervous to think of anything cool to say. The younger teen deflated a little faced with Tony’s silence; he looked around, seeming a little lost. “You’re Tony, right?”

Fuck, the way he said his name. His name. It was fucking music to his ears, the most beautiful tune. But how did he even know his name? Sure, he was Tony Stark, so not really anonymous, but people often forgot about it.

“Yeah. And you’re Peter.” Tony didn’t play games, he didn’t even try to pretend like he didn’t know who Peter was. It would be dumb anyway, everybody knew him. The other boy nodded shyly, it looked like he wanted to say something else, but he kept biting his lips and looking around nervously. Tony frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“No. I mean, yeah, sure, it’s fine, it’s just, uhm. I have a flat tire and the wheel bolts are really tight and I couldn’t get them off, so I thought – I mean, could you, uh –“ He gestured wildly as he stuttered out his answer, looking in the general direction of his flashy, cherry red sports car. “I mean, it’s okay if you’re busy, but I –“

“Sure, I’ll help, don’t worry.” Tony threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it. He was a little more at ease now that he knew why Peter was talking to him – he just needed help – and the best thing was, Tony was really good with cars. Of course, one didn’t need to have a PhD in mechanics to change a tire, but it still made him feel really good that he would be able to help properly.

“Thanks, you’re a life saver.” The chirpy attitude was back, as well as the smile, it made Tony’s heart flutter. He nodded sharply, looking away from his face, and gestured for Peter to lead the way.

When they reached his car, Tony whistled lowly, crouching down to look at the completely flat tire, as he tried to find the source of the problem. He was surprised to notice a two-inch cut on the surface of it, and it didn’t seem accidental.

“Fuck, Peter, it looks like someone sliced your tire.” When he looked up at the younger boy, he didn’t look surprised, but nervous. It was an odd reaction. Tony wondered if Peter already knew that – maybe he knew who did it and was scared of them? It made Tony’s blood boil. Why would anyone do that to Peter?

“Wh-what? How do you know that?” He bit his lower lip nervously, scratching his arm, and Tony frowned, worried.

“Here, look.” He gestured for Peter to crouch down next to him and pointed at the cut. “This is clearly a stab mark. Judging by the size and shape of it, I’d say this was probably done with a pocketknife.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. Clearly.” He face-palmed, like he felt stupid, maybe for not seeing it before, but Tony still worried.

“If you want, I could go with you to the administration. We can ask them to check the security cameras. I think that one might have caught whoever did this.” He pointed at a security camera nearby, Tony knew where all of them were in the parking lot area – he’d been caught smoking way too many times not to know.

“What? There are –? I mean, look, it’s okay, it’s probably just someone trying to play a prank, it’s no big deal, it’s fine.” He stood up quickly, shaking his head, and Tony was positive he felt threatened somehow, he was acting so weird.

“If you’re sure… But if you change your mind, I’ll go with you, ok?” Tony stood up and took off his leather jacket. The weather was nice, just a bit chilly, so he was wearing a thin, white t-shirt with short sleeves underneath. He thought he heard Peter’s breath hitch for a second, but it was probably just his imagination. “Can you hold this for me?” He held out his jacket and the boy blushed, blinking rapidly.

“S-sure.”

Tony bit his bottom lip to refrain from asking, again, if everything was fine. Peter looked so freaking nervous, he was even sweating a little at the temples. Tony was positive he knew who did that to his car, but didn’t want to tell him for some reason. Maybe he wanted to protect whoever did it, maybe it was a boyfriend, or an ex. He gritted his teeth, hands closing in fists, but didn’t say anything, just crouched down and got to work.

The first bolt came off easily, it wasn’t tight at all, so he thought maybe Peter had already loosened it when he tried earlier. The second and third ones came off just as easily, though, only the fourth one was a little trickier, but nothing the younger teen couldn’t have handled himself. Tony thought maybe he hadn’t tried too hard, maybe he was afraid the person who did that would show up or something. He was so glad he was there to help, he wondered if Peter felt safe with him around, and the thought made him feel oddly proud and protective of him.

He made quick work of changing the tires, making sure not to screw the bolts too tight, then put the sliced one in the trunk of the car. When he turned around to look at Peter, he was looking intently at him, almost hypnotized, holding his jacket close to his chest like it was a puppy.

“All done.” Tony smiled and the boy seemed to snap out of a trance.

“Oh, thank you so much, really, you’re too kind.” He smiled broadly and the older teen scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Don’t mention it.” They were silent for a few seconds after that, but Peter kept holding his jacket and didn’t make any move to give it back to him. “Uhm, could I–?” He gestured towards the jacket and again the boy jumped up in surprise.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here.” He handed it to him and quickly crossed his empty arms over his chest. “So, uhm,… Your dad is having a gala this weekend, right? Are you gonna be there?” Ah, so Peter did know who he was, not just his first name. The older teen leaned against the car and stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging.

“Not if I can help it.” He smirked, trying to act cool, but now that he didn’t have anything to do with his hands, he was growing nervous.

“Oh,” Peter looked… disappointed? He dropped his gaze to the floor, shuffling his feet, and Tony stood up straight, frowning.

“Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just – my parents are going, so I thought I’d tag along to, you know... but it’s okay.” He kicked an imaginary rock and avoided Tony’s eyes. The older teen stared at him with wide eyes, heart beating fast – what was the end of that sentence? Peter couldn’t possibly mean–

“I don’t – what, you’d go to, like, hang out with me or something?” He felt stupid when he stumbled on the words, but Peter didn’t seem to notice, his cheeks were burning red and he was looking anywhere else but at Tony.

“I mean, you must have much better things to do, of course, I was just –” He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head, finally looking up at Tony. “Sorry, just forget about it, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, wait!” He rushed to interrupt him and Peter looked back at him with huge, Bambi eyes. Tony coughed awkwardly, blushing a little. “I mean, like, uhm… If you – would you wanna go as my date? To the gala?” He blurted out, finally, because what the hell. The worst that could happen was Peter say no, and he could deal with it. He would survive, for sure. It wouldn’t be a big deal. Really. It wouldn’t.

But he didn’t say no, he smiled broadly, eyes twinkling in excitement.

“I’d love to!” He answered quickly, and Tony’s heart fluttered, Peter looked genuinely happy.  “Could you – uhm, text me what color of tie you’ll be wearing? If you want! I understand if you think it’s lame, but I thought–”

“No, it’s fine.” His heart was beating so loud, Peter Fucking Parker wanted to coordinate ties with him, it was fucking corny and cliché and he loved it. “Uhm, here, give me your number.” He fished his phone from his back pocket and gave it to the younger teen.

“Cool.” Peter typed in his number and as soon as he gave his phone back, Tony sent him a smiley face so he would have his number, too. “Cool, cool, cool...” He rocked on the balls of his feet and looked around, like he was looking for something else to say.

“So… Do you have to be home soon or…?” Tony stuck his hands in his pockets again, wondering if maybe he was pushing his luck, but Peter shook his head quickly.

“Not really, no, my parents don’t really mind what time I get home as long as I let them know. You?”

“They don’t really care.” He shrugged, taking one step closer to Peter. “So… are you hungry, by any chance?”

“I’m starving.” He nodded, looking up at Tony in anticipation. It drove the butterflies in his stomach crazy.

“I know a place where they serve great burgers. We could go in my car and I could drop you off here on our way back, I’m just a little worried someone is gonna try to fuck up your car again. I mean, what if they’re targeting you or something?” Just the mention of what happened earlier made Peter nervous. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket and shook his head.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’s fine.” He didn’t look worried, though, at least not anymore.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, trust me, I am.” Tony found the sudden change odd, but thought maybe he was just trying to play it cool, so he let it go.  

“Okay, then, c’mon, my car is right there,” Tony gestured to his car and Peter smiled, taking his hands off his pockets. When he did, though, something slipped out and fell to the ground with a metallic noise. Tony quickly crouched down to get it for him, when he noticed what it was. “Wh – is that…?” He frowned, examining the pocketknife as if it was alien material. He was confused at first, because Peter didn’t seem like the kind of guy to carry one around, but then it dawned on him. When he looked at the younger teen, his face was so red it looked like he was about to explode.

“Uhm… If I told you I’ve never seen this before in my life would you believe it?” He chuckled nervously, scratching his arm, as Tony stood up. The older teen raised a brow at him.”Sorry, I just – I wanted an excuse to talk to you.” He said quietly, dropping his gaze.

“You know, you could have gone with the weather or whatever.” Tony answered, amused, and it made the younger boy look up at him.

“You’re just very intimidating,” He looked at him with huge, scared eyes, and Tony cocked his head to the side.

“Me?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah.” Peter answered pointedly, and Tony smirked, offering him his knife back.

“You do realize you just sliced your own tire so you’d have an excuse to talk to me, right? And I’m intimidating?” He joked, but Peter didn’t seem to find it funny. He winced and covered his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed.

“You must think I’m such a freak,” He groaned, voice muffled by his palms.

“Hey, hey, yes, I do think you’re a freak.” He grabbed Peter’s thin wrists and marveled at how perfectly they fit in his hands. He definitely saved that thought for later. “But you’re a really cute one.” He grinned and Peter chuckled, a delicate flush rising onto his cheeks.

“I feel stupid.” He admitted, worrying his bottom lip, but Tony shook his head, working up the nerve to cup Peter’s face in his hand.

“I feel flattered,” He said, honestly, and Peter’s breath hitched. He stared up at Tony, eyelashes fluttering, moist, pink lips slightly open. The older teen leaned down slowly and when the Peter closed his eyes, their lips touched. Just like in his fantasies, Peter tasted sweet, his lips were soft and his arms circled Tony’s neck in a warm embrace. When they parted, Tony smiled down at him, stroking his blushing cheek. “Just promise that if this doesn’t work out you won’t, like, key my car or something.”

“Oh, God,” he groaned, but they both laughed out loud, as they walked hand in hand across the parking lot.

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 12, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

I think we started this episode with a strong scene and phrase. First, the parallel between people in Corea and Korea (LR minion, JES-MSA, JY-Nari), second, SJH words “you are incredible. You are killing people, but keep me alive every time i try to die. I guess, you will really become a God” to LR (also i think we knew now that this is what LR is after now, not to be a king. But God) and third, Nari explanation about dejavu “a deja vu occurs when our frequency matches that of another world and you get a glimpse of yourself there”

We saw more scene on JY meets PM in Korea. Damn WDH and JEC acting here was great. Subtle shocking face when both eyes meet but then, they just try to chill 👏🏼 after PM leaves The Alley, JY run after her borrowing Nari’s beautiful sport car. The scene was one of my fav because its so cool and well shot. Also we can saw JY got shot here, i think LR minion try to protect PM

Meanwhile in Korea, Gon is searching for JTE or Luna anyone with the same faces. I love how he said to the team in NSA that this is not a King’s order but him asking for a help 부탁합니다 . Because its rather personal request to him, im soft 🥺 finally he found her. Im sad to see him cried when he found JTE with the help of police.

Moving on to the palace, the lady royal guard and Lady Noh found LR minion inside the palace. I need to gave Lady Noh (real name: Kim Young-Ok) standing applause because in this scene she nailed it. She is very angry and she is heartless actually. Definitely characters you want as a head court lady of the imperial household and also as a closes to mother figure for Gon. Also actually here we had a clue that she is actually coming from North Korea (just my thought), because she says anyone gossip about what happen in the cafetaria will be punished for 3 generation 😨

Back to Korea, KSJ helps JY after getting shot. We got a lot of good insight here. First, We need to know that the vest from Corea was very well made because it really can witstands bullet without causing serious damage to your body. Please remember it, we need it later 🤓 second, JY have a hot body 🤣 third, JY honest confession about him wanted to protect the King with all his will, because the King constantly on a battlefield ever since the treason, and now seems like his destiny leads him to a new battlefield and he will be there for him. KSJ jokes whether thay dating 🤣 and JY basically says the rumors does exist. But just as KSJ and JTE who protect the law ans justice, JY protect the King the same. The script was amazing 👏🏼

Then the reunion scene. What i love about this next scene is how they use JY voice at the beginning of the fight to describe Gon battlefield and move on to the reunion scene. Also Gon and JTE finally see each other after a long time but in a very dangerous and dramatic situation. I love the acting, i love the place they done this scene, i love the camera filter, i love the smoke, the circumstances, i love the camera angle, but most of all i love LMH and Gon acted their character so perfectly. The HUGS. the way JTE said i missed you, they way she reaches Gon hands, the way Gon lift JTE body then drown his face into her. Everything is very intimate and endearing. Also the instrumental of My Love and I... Go watch it yourself 💯

Gon takes JTE to his chamber to get treated. And we got a very soft conversation between the 2 lovebirds 🥺 I love how soft both to each other here, from their voice, them looking each other, the jokes, the forehead kiss 🥺. This is what i want to see in a movie or series, the characters actually talk to each other and have an honest conversation. They know they have limited time and they dont waste it for some unnecessary drama. I love them to the bone 🥺 please love them too y’all

After many scary scene, we have been blessed with sweet and funny scenes after. Gon is basically keep his promise to wash the rice with his navy uniform, i mean, how is this the same Gon from eps 11? 🤣

Another insight, we got to see the coat of doomed where we knew bad things will happens when Gon wears it. Also i just realize this coat was also what Gon wears at eps 1. Still pretty much a riddle but bring out more curiousity here 🤔

They went to see JES, he is so happy to see JTE. At first i think this scene is rather not quite important until the latter we saw that JES actually found something here. But actually any scenes with WDH are worth to watch anyway

Then after here they go to investigate the place LR used to keep JTE before. Gon is ahead of LR in Corea now. LR basically dont really have place to hide in Corea i assume. In this place Gon finally tell JTE that both can back and forth to each world because of the flute. The battle now is between them whether LR will get the whole flute or Gon will or at least not to lose Gon’s. JTE feels this is way to harsh because Gon need it to see her as well and Gon softly jokes that “that is why you shouldnt treat me harshly” 😔 why god why

Gon said “dont worry, i never lose whats belongs to me, but if you still worried. Lets pray” 🥺

To be continued..

[bakugous-abs]

Day 5 of Halloween 2020

~Brought to you today by Admin Bomb!

~~~

October First

Halloween. God, Bakugou couldn't tell if it was his favorite or least favorite time of the year. 

No, he definitely wasn't one to wear a costume and go out trick or treating. That time was way past him and he couldn't remember why and how the hell he was able to trust getting candy from strangers. Frankly that whole aspect of Halloween seemed so hypocritical!

Every other time of the year we’re told to not take candy from strangers. Never ever once were we allowed to take candy from them. But on this specific day? Sure! Go right ahead. Infact, take candy from MULTIPLE strangers!! Nothing could go wrong with that.

The countless reports of needles being stuck in licorice and suckers already being sucked in told a different story.

And the fucking  k i d s. They were so annoying. Screaming and running after each other. Throwing a fit when they didn't get the kind of candy they want or when their siblings got one extra piece. The snot and tears. It was so gross.

That part of Halloween, Bakugou said fuck off to.

However the scaring? And the terrified faces? That's something he could look forward to. 

Seeing the look of horror Pikachu got when he prayed on one of his fears was so exciting. The heightened anxiety in the Yuuei hallways made for some easy targets to make scream and run away.

That, is why Bakugou liked Halloween. 

“Yo Bakubro, we’re gonna head out and get our costumes. You wanna come with?” Kirishima barged into his room, flicking on the light.

“Fuck no.” Bakugou cursed. The sudden brightness was stinging his eyes, the red irises struggling to adjust to sudden change. “I already told you last week you dumbass, I don’t do trick or treating.”

Kirishima's shoulders visibly went limp, a pout occupying his lips. “Come on man, it’ll be fun. You even get to scare some little kids.”

“I can do that without the help of a costume. Now get out.”

He huffed. “If you say so, man. We’ll be back later! See ya.” And with that Bakugou's door shut with a click, the lights left on.

The blond cursed the redhead under his breath. Why was it so hard to shut off the light when they leave! He has it off every single time they open the door, so why not shut it off again when they leave!?

Bakugou got up to shut the light off, but stopped in his tracks when he noticed a letter on his neat floor. When did that get there? Did shitty-hair leave it there when he left?

It was a pretty white envelope with a splotch of red to the left of the center. As he got closer he read his name in very intricate cursive. Had it not been for the date in a nice fine print, and the fact that he didn't like anyone and fully expected no one to like him back, in the upper corner he would have assumed this was an old valentines letter.

He picked it up. What the fuck was this doing here? The handwriting was very obviously not Shittyhairs. His was too rough and sharp to ever resemble something like this. 

“10-1-xxxx <3 Bakugou”

Hesitantly, he turned it around and found a wax seal on the back. A simple circle, nothing more.

The letter was ripped open, the wax seal completely forgotten. If the letter inside got ripped, that wasn’t his problem. Unfortunately, the letter went completely unscathed.

He took it out and unfolded it, careful to hold it horizontally in case this was a prank gift from one of the dunces that called him his friend, but there was no such thing. Infact, the letter seemed virtually empty except for right smack dab in the middle. A small word written in what seemed to be a font designed to replicate human writing.

“Hi”

Bakugou's eyebrows crinkled. That's it? He turned the paper over, flipped it back, then turned it over once more. Nothing.

“Such a waste of fucking paper.” He muttered, crushing the note within his palm and lit off his explosions, a caramel scent wafting through the air and black smoke trailing along with it.

He threw what was left of it into his trash, dusted it off his hands, and flicked the lights back off.

Whoever wrote that letter had a pretty terrible sense of humor

~~~~~

October Second

Bakugou woke up the next morning like usual. Stretch, pop his joints and spark a few explosions, then sit up and get ready for school. The letter from yesterday lingered in the back of his mind, still annoyed that someone thought something like that would even be considered funny.

How the hell just writes a tiny Hi on a whole sheet of paper. Its such a fucking waste! It was irritating him more than anything.

That's why when he got a second letter this morning, also slid underneath his door, he just threw it on his bed to be dealt with later. He didn’t need to get any more pissed off about something before going to school and getting pissed off even more. No, that can wait till after he got his homework done.

And it did wait. During the day he completely forgot about the existence of the letter. Going to classes, almost blowing Dekus face off in training, shouting at the group that seemed to be stuck to his thighs, going to more classes. Completely normal.

But when he got home and locked himself in his room to do homework and calm down, he saw the letter on his bed and immediately became pissed again.

He marched on over to it and picked it, opening it in the same fashion he did yesterday and again, the letter managed to come out unscathed.

He opened the paper, preparing to see another waste of paper. Unfortunately the universe was granting his wishes, but not to the extent he was thinking.

This time, there was a sentence, a sentence that made his heart stop for a second. 

“You have lovely skin.”

What. The actual. Fuck.

Who the hell is this? Why are they talking about his skin? How do they know anything about his skin?

Subconsciously his eyes darted around him. Everything looked the exact same. He looked behind him, no one was there. But there was a nagging feeling in the middle of his back, like someone was staring there no matter where he turned.

Fuck this.

His eyes glided toward the balcony. The curtain were wide open. But they were facing the 1-B building. No one could be watching him…

The curtains were closed in a matter of seconds.

~~~~~

October Seventh

The letters kept coming. Every day they got creepier. Complimenting a feature about him and details this person would only know if they got close to him.

He was losing sleep. His eight hour nights shortening rapidly to only around four hours and it wasn't consecutive. 

Yesterday he became so sick of it he grabbed the five letters he had received, first still burnt in his trash can, and stomped down to the lounge room, confronting them of the letters asking whoever it was that was sending them to step the fuck up.

No one had any idea what he was talking about. 

He attacked all the girls first, not physically no, but yelling at them to confess who done it. No dude in their class would have this good of handwriting other than that belly button laser guy.

But he had no idea later, saying Bakugou was not exactly his type, which he got a yelling for as well.

Todays letter… wasnt any better than the last.

"This is almost as much fun as watching you sleep."

He held the latter in his hand, not noticing the grip slowly getting tighter and tighter, and suddenly the ends were crinkled and charred, the only thing left was a single word.

Fun.

~~~~~

October Fifteenth

Bakugou finally cracked and told the teachers about the letters. To say they overreacted was,,, actually just about right.

There were now teachers stationed on top of the buildings, around the perimeter, and on Bakugous floor.

He hated to admit it but having a few pro heroes there eased his edge a little. A felt safer. Safer than he had in the last two weeks.

But unfortunately, that wasnt enough.

For in the middle of the night, to his absolute horror, the rustling of paper was heard across his room.

His body went cold. Eyes wide as all hell. He used his feet to curl all his blanket away from the edges of his bed and under his legs and over his body. 

'Please,' his mind pleaded. 'Please fucking tell me thats not another letter.'

And to his absolute horror, when he sat up, just a little bit… there, visible in the light shining under the crack of his door, was a letter, with the same red heart and perfect cursive handwriting that spelled out his name.

"Please dont scream, they'll hear you"

~~~~~

October Twenty-sixth

Its been a few days since hes gone out of his room. The pros thought hed feel safer in his room where they could keep an eye on him but in reality.

Bakugou didnt feel safe at all.

Everywhere he went his anxiety told him someone was there. With beady eyes that went unblinking just… staring at him. Like he was a slab of meat for a hungry starving lion.

But he wasnt allowed to complain, even though he did, and was expected to remain still. 

He was expected to wait.

Wait.

And wait.

He didn't want to wait. He didn't want to be here anymore.

He was behind on his classes, but he couldn't focus long enough on the work to get it done anyway.

He had nothing else to distract him. Hes read through all his books, played all his games, watched all his movies. There was nothing else to do other than wait like a sitting duck.

So what the hell was he supposed to do?

And while he had his door shut, he finally broke down, tears streaming down his face and fear coursing through his veins as he knew, by the sound of paper sliding under his door, that he wasnt safe anywhere anymore.

"Dont struggle, I hate when they struggle"

~~~~~

October 31st. Halloween Night

Halloween...

Halloween. Bakugou hated Halloween.

He hated Halloween. He hated being scared. Scared all the time. 

He couldnt handle the sound of paper anymore. Not the sound of it wrinkling, folding, unfolding, ripping, he hated paper.

All kinds of paper.

Wrappers, notebook, printer.

It was all terrible.

And now… he can't even handle unwrapping his own candy.

Bakugou hated Halloween.

And has another letter slid under his door, now in direct daylight, and got up and looked at it.

The cursive was now just scratches. The heart too dark to be artificial. 

He opened it, slipping the paper out and reading the note. One word. Tiny in the middle of the paper, resembling the first ever note he got. One word.

'Bye…'

However, this time, when he turned the note over, he found something else. Another word- no, a sentence.

'Till next year… Bakugou Katsuki.'

And just like that, his body ran cold, and his vision went dark.

[childhoodgrave]

whats dtl about ifff ud like 2 talk abt it i see cute sprites & decide i wanna know things.. hehe the top hat n cape guy gif is in sync w my music hehe

IM SO GLAD U ASKED this game is probsbly my favorite game ever its been a special interest if mine since i was 7 and i dont think its a GOOD game per se bt i love it a lot and it impacted me a lot as a little kid w a mild interest in art :)

so basically the game is a little 2d adventure platformer where u get to draw and design the character u play as. its p clunky and the way ur character moves looks rlly silly bt again this game was released in like 2010 on the ds so its ok .. the game also gave u templates to go off of and use too just in case u didnt want to design a character from scratch

the story of the first game is abt this world that was drawn into existence by “the creator” in the book of life. u hav this little sequence where u get to draw the world, and the forrests and the creatures tht wld inhabit it. the creatures tht inhabit the world are callec raposa and they r little fox creature w funny ears :)

like this guy (his name is zsasha and hes a thief but hes like a bad one who ends up returning all of the stuff he steals and also watching over a little orphan girl who he basically adopts LOL)

in the universe if the game the “creator” eventually went silent and the raposa lost hope in them ever returning. the world was slowly shrouded in darkness and gradually all of the raposa inhabiting this little village were either lost or left on purpose bc it was slowly falling apart. the game starts when one of the remaining raposa, mari, prays to u, the creator, to come back and help restore her village, saying that everyone else has lost hope but she still believes you can return to her. u can answer, and either say that u will help or you wont, but either way u end up agreeing to help her and she goes to tell her dad, the mayor, abt it. you create a “hero” to be the vessel you will speak thru, and thats the character u end up designing and playing as. the game is abt going to various areas from the village and rescuing all of the raposa that are lost there, as well as restoring the village to what it used to be and drawing in bits of the landscape, like the sun and plants and stuff.

the villain of the story is a guy named wilfre, who was another villager in the town who ended up drawing in the book of life bc he wanted to create things the way the creator had. he ended up making these big inky monsters and got consumed by them, and when u meet him at the beginning of the game he tears up a bunch of pages in the book of life which get scattered across the land and you have to collect them in order to restore the village.

so u basically just go around saving villagers, collecting pages of the book of life, and redrawing bits of the town that were lost to wilfres shadows. eventually wilfre ends up like, killing maris dad (the mayor) and then after youve restored a majority of the village you enter his realm and kill him!! yay :)

throughout the game you also meet these two weird npcs called heather and mike. heather is a little raposa girl who has half of her face covered in shadows, and shes mostly mute. shes found early on in the game and is taken care of by another one of the main characters named jowee

mike is a character u end up rescuing later on in the game, hes p confused and doesnt know how he got where he is, and hes also different from the other raposa bc he doesnt have ears like they do and kind of just looks like a normal human (even tho none of the raposa know what that is and they just think he looks rlly weird)

in the first game heather is shown to take a liking to mike but it isnt explained why and she doesnt talk to its left unexplained

so yah the first game ends with you, the hero, defeating wilfre. mari takes on the role of her father and becomes mayor of the town, and all of the raposa (+ mike) live happily in the town youve restored. the hero goes dormant because theyre no longer needed and u get a scene at the end of the game w them sitting by the ghost of maris father.

the SECOND game takes place a while after the first game, in which wilfre returns and captures heather at the beginning of the game. he also kidnaps a bunch of the other villagers and transports them somewhere else, and he drains the color out of the village the raposa were in. they end up fleeing on a giant turtle with an abandoned town on its back that appears while the color is draining from the village. inside mari and jowee find another mannequin similar to the one the creator had drawn the hero on in the first game. they pray to the creator for help and thats when u draw the hero u get to play as for that game!! the hero doesnt seem to remember mari and jowee or any of the events of the first game, but they agree to help them rescue heather and all of the villagers wilfre stole.

jowee also has like, this magic pendant that belonged to heather that he found after wilfre took her, which seems to be leading them to where heather is. they use that to navigate the turtle thru the ocean to a bunch of other islands on the world. the second game is basically about traveling to different islands and helping them restore the color thats been drained out of them by wilfre. you also meet these two characters, salem

who is a villain in the first island u travel to, and sock

who is a villager on the first island u visit who ends up befriending jowee and traveling with them while they try to save heather.

so ur doing all of that but THEN, halfway thru the game mari is shown to be talking to wilfre, and then she dissapears. jowee assumes wilfre has captured her too, but shes later seen on the turtle again, and rips out a bunch of pages in the book of life the way wilfre did in the first game, and then wilfre appears to take her away and says that shes working with him now. jowee is heartbroken but resolves to get her back as well as heather

THEN, sock, jowees friend from the first island whos been tagging along and helping out, is ALSO revealed to be wilfre in disguise and he betrays jowee and steals heathers pendent, leaving jowee with basically no means of finding heather and wikfre and mari by extension.

so eventually they do end up finding where wilfre is and mari is like “jowee you dont understand wilfre has shown me the truth of our world and who the creator is and thats why im helping him” and jowee is like “i cant believe yoy are helping him how could you i cant believe you bla bla bla” and so wilfre is like “FINE ill show you the TRUTH of this world” and takes jowee and then the hero is kind of left ln their own for a bit to like wander around the world and try to keep rescuing ppl and such. and eventually jowee comes back and is like shaken up but kind of vague abt what wilfre showed him, but he still decides to side with the hero and the creator and eventually mari is convinced by him to join them again as well

so u fight wilfre again and EVENTUALLY wilfre reveals that if you defeat him basically the entire world will dissapear and thats what hes been trying to avoid by fucking w things and messing with the book of life. so all of the raposa have a bunch existential crisis abt them ceasing to exist if they go thru with this but then they decide to to it anyway bc the alternative is just as bad blah blah and u go and kill wilfre and he does this when he dies which is cool

[the gif was fuckjng broken im sorry but like look up his sprites and youll fjnd it 💔]

and now heather is back!! and her and mari and jowee are all talking about mike and how important he is and meanwhile mike has no clue whats going on and is kind of freaked out by all of this, but theyre all like “mike you need to wake up” as theyre all fading out of existence and shit around him and eventually him and heather are the only ones left and they dissapear too

and THATS when you get the ending and find out it was all like a dream mike was having while he was in a coma after a car crash anx this plays while the credits role lol https://youtu.be/Kur0qaYM1jM

^ they ended up releasing different versions oft he game w a less dark (but still w the whole ‘it was all a dream twist’) and thats it!!

there was also another game released for the wii that like gave wilfre a girlfriend kind of but i never played it to completion bc it used the wii remotes motion controls to like draw and shit and it was rly janky and hard so i never finished it and most ppl did the same. i kind of rlly want to try playing it again tho bc it was a p cute looking game even if the controls were fucked up

AND YEA thats drawn to life its a weird silly little series tht i was obsessed w when i was a kid and it still holds a special place in my heart :) i basicaly just spoiled the entire series i guess but if u have a ds or a 3ds (bc the game is backwards complatible ! ) id still suggest like getting a cartidge off ebay or something and playing it bc its honestly a rlly sweet and beautiful looking game and i think a lot of it still homds up even if the controls r rlly janky now

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

[spnsmile]

"I believe in her."

Cas couldn't take his eyes away from Dean. Even when Sam left, all he could do is stare and when Dean notices, he returns it with intent.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You don't really believe her, right? Billie?"

"Why the sudden change of mind?" Dean takes a sip of his beer. Castiel looks at him thoughtfully.

"Sam's just... Asking the right question, I mean. What's her end game? What happens if Jack succeeds? What's next...?"

"Ain't it paradise?"

Castiel pauses. He didn't think Dean would remember so continues frowning and watched Dean straighten himself as much as his bowlegs would allow.

"Well, no choice but go with the greater of the two evils, Cas. And right now the guy who's planning the old comedy "wipe out the world" takes the cake."

"Dean, she's Death. As far as I'm concerned if any entity out there wants you dead for good, it's her. You're not worried she could use this opportunity to get you? Like killing two birds with blunt force of one stone... in one very violent throw... Don't laugh, she of all people wants you dead."

Cas swallows hard, the idea cementing in his brain now he's vocal about it.

And Dean just chuckles?

"She could. But if she's using us to get rid of Chuck, then that means wanting me dead also takes the back burner. For now we see eye to eye. Chuck has to go first dibs. If she needs to use us then we gotta hold hands, run up to the sunset and see where she takes us."

"That is highly optimistic view, even for you, Dean. Considering she's been trying to get you killed

"She's death, it's her obsession, Cas. Talking about death." the hunter smirks, making the angel bristle.

"This isn't funny, Dean."

"I know, Cas. You know I get it, okay. But whatever she's got drawn up her blue print, doesn't change the fact that she still gotta line up the queue." Dean shrugs and it's not nonchalance that Castiel sees in his eyes.

It's absolute faith for this cause. One where Dean will be fighting with him until the last battle.

Until his last breath. After that, what?

Castiel closes his eyes.

"I'm saying I don't want you to die." he finally says, all raw emotions out. He feels Dean look his way, know the startled expression is in there without needing to look and hates it.

Why Dean always need to be surprise when someone tells him they don't want him dead never ceases to anger him.

Like Dean believes everyone wants him dead. Then again, considering things he's been through...

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel engages the man with a look.

And like its not enough that they've been throwing furtive looks at each other in the presence of Sam, the man has the gall to stand and seat in that distracting position where he can fully see the man's lips and thick bowlegs presenting just within his reach while smiling like he know what he's doing.

The way Dean can look so full of affection with green eyes that just flickers expressively towards his direction with long lashes dusting his freckled cheeks. The way he opens his emotions to Castiels without restraint, letting him glimpse the soul so bright in its form he once rebuilt

I want closer

But he stays where he is, even when Dean openly invites him silently to come closer, his eyes expectant and soft and full of love.

Cas remains where he is perched.

Control. He gives it seven seconds count to take over the reel of feelings pulling him to Dean. The same way when Dean's eyes were grateful and bursting and happy, almost singing praises when they reconciled after his solemn prayer. Dean is gazing at him with the same adoration same loving affection overflowing and so full of hope.

So full of love. Something Castiel knows he cannot accept so he ducks his eyes. He knows exactly why the pull is strong this time. It's Dean. Dean's longing.

Dean's prayers.

So loud and intense. It wants him.

It's madness how the tables have turned. Unlike before where the boat is tipping on his side, this time, Dean's the one putting the weight. Dean's the one screaming in silence of his love.

But he can't. Not yet.

He has a mission here otherwise... He thinks of Jack and the mission.

Focus...

But it's too late when he looked up, he only sees Dean smile sadly and nod, before finishing the last whiskey on his glass, the sparks in his eyes dimming.

Dean wipes his chin with the back of his hand, his lips making smacking sound too loud to ignore.

"See you later, Cas." he says quietly, monotone and Castielf, angel that he is feels the swift slap of coldness on his skin. The worst was when Dean turns to go without meeting Castiel's eyes even when the angel has pushed himself off his wall and was waiting, but Dean goes- moves away.

Dean is leaving him and thwe sharp jab on the organ functioning as his heart makes Castiel call Dean back.

"Wait." He finds his hand curling on Dean's elbow, pulling him back.

"Dean." he hesitates, unable to pluck up the courage to say in fear that he might say too much. But ever as it happens, it's Dean who easrs him out of his misery with a simple flicker on his eyes and careful smile.om his lips. Castiel relaxes. Dean is still looking deeply in his eyes. "I want some."

"Want something from me?" Dean licks his lips, then raises both eyebrows when Cas eyes empty glass he's holding. "Oh." and Dean laughs in embarassment for some reason, the flush color on his cheeks gives Cas a wonderful view of his tanning freckles.

"Wanna drink with me?"

"Yeah, so bad, I'm thirsty for you."

Dean is in love with him and the hunter isn't even trying to hide it anymore. These are the thoughts that played across Castiel's mind as he sit with Dean in the library, listening to Deam praise him, Dean giving him all his attention and Dean being just too endearing.

Tried as he might not to fall for it like when Dean was praying to him in Purgatory, Castiel can't help gazing back with the same contentment and joy. Overflowing happiness of just sitting here, talking and talking like they haven't spoken to each other in years.

And the best part?

Dean's smiling unbiddenly with eyes just taking in Castiel. He sees the way Dean catches him smile, the way Dean's cheeks blushes. Castiel was glad there was a table between them or he was afraid what his instincts might do on impulse with Dean being like that.

He wants to kiss him. Instead, grabs his glasses without really drinking. He just listens to Dean's voice. Listen to Dean talk to him and it reminds suddenly of his fear of losing everything.

He realizes there's too little time to be with Dean so he memorizes everything. He memorizes a lot, even the exact moment Dean throws that wonderful look and raises a glass in his direction.

Cas' heart leaps in the air and he too is smiling and loving Dean so much, the only pull back to his heart when they toasted is the fact he can't tell Dean.

He wouldn't think about it for now. He too has faith in his choice and that is Jack. He is choosing Jack. Jack who is the answer to Castiel's crumbling faith whenever he thinks of the number of ways he can lose Dean.

"Hey."

Castiel looks up. He didn't notice Dean already standing in front of him. The angel blinks.

"What?"

"I was just telling Jody good night. She just called, asking how everybody is... And i told her I'm a very good kid today. She told me I'm drunk." Dean pouts.

"You want me to detoxify you?" Castiel tilts his head inquiringly. Dean stares with heavy eyes.

"Yeah, may need to drive."

"Where are you going?" Castiel frowns, a hand already raised. Dean blinks then slowly levels his eyes on the angel sitting in the chair.

"Somewhere. I feel happy, you see... But sad too... So I already spent my happy here with you. Time to go crush the bad. So driving."

"Why are you sad?" he cups Dean's face in alarm, his little world on his hand. So he wasn't mistaken. Behind Dean's eyes...

"It's okay..." Dean smiles, "Everyone's a little sad inside."

"Why?" he insists.

A long pause. Dean blinks slowly.

"Can't be together, you and I... So i gotta... Uh... Have to deal the sad without you...if we can't be together..."

"But we're together here."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm choosing. So are you. In the end we're gonna... I'm gonna have to deal with myself alone. There's no you out there. I have to prepare."

"Dean, what the hell are you talking about?" he hears him but he cannot understand him. Dean kneels in front of him all of a sudden, both hands taking Castiel's hands and clasping them with his own. The look Dean gives him after that is pure and honest, like souls bursting of its true form.

"I'm saying I understand why you can't... We can't. I understand it's the world or us... And that's not even a choice. I'm saying I understand you're the only angel who can save the world. So i want you to do it without holding back. Without thinking about whether I live or die. I want you to do that, Cas."

Castiel gasps. He sees no doubt in Dean's eyes. Watches as Dean brings his hand to his lips gently.

"Me dying doesn't compare to the world, Cas. So dont worry about me or Billie or whatever hell. You got your hands full, I got mine. So... i gotta drive."

Castiel sighs, then kisses Dean on the forehead. Clarity returns in the green eyes that blinks at him in surprise. Then Castiel stands up, nearly knocking Dean on his feet.

"I'm going with you."

"No, Cas. This is not the point-"

"I don't understand the point alright. I don't." Castiel grabs Dean's collar, sharp eyes full of meaning. "Don't make me understand why after everything... why after everything I've done, I'm still not going to be allowed to stay with you. I won't understand. And if this universe insists that? They're going to have to make a different bargain because I want you at the end of the road, Dean. It's you I think about when I think of win. And when that happens, I'll tell you loud and clear. I'll tell you what you already know. What I can't tell you now. I will. And it's not goodbye. So hold on to me. I will always find you. Do you believe me?"

It takes one smile from Dean and their foreheads pressing together.

"I believe you, Cas." ✨

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

Little AU of mine: MC has a YouTube channel where she makes covers of songs. She sings songs she really likes and she’d even make her own songs. This time, she made a song called “Death Bed”. The lyrics are the same as Death Bed by Powfu. It made me emotional so I’m making this fic! The background of the song is MC is dying in the hospital because of Hera trying to take over her body from their season 3 and she’s singing to Alex and how she hopes they’ll be happy. Listen to the original song and yeah🥺. But in the beginning of this fic (and when it switches to Alex), shes already dead so just gotta say that So yEAH. Hope y’all like this and @megatraven hope you cry like I almost did listening to this song!

They opened their eyes to another lonely day. They were in their apartments bedroom, sun shining through the window. If it was a normal day, then they’d smile at it and turn to their side to see MC. Their beautiful fiancé. Someone they loved with all of their heart. But...life wasn’t normal anymore.

Their fiancé was dead and they missed her.

They turned to their side to only be met with more room on the bed. The body that used to take up that space was no longer there.

It hurt. Gods it hurt them. They loved her with all their heart, and to know they couldn’t save her...crushed them. They sometimes went to her apartment and stay there. They felt a little comforted to be surrounded by things that were hers, but their apartment was also hers. Almost everything they had was hers. But now...they were on their own again. Well, not completely on their own.

They had their mother, Hades, May, and Josh. They all comforted each other and Alex knew it would get better with time, but they still felt so much pain. They missed her and they wanted her back. They almost turned into their mother. However, they didn’t have any favors to trade in to Hades to see MC again. They gave all their favors to save MC...but it didn’t work.

They got up and changed into their tank top and some black shorts and went into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. As they watched the coffee be made, they grabbed their phone and went to YouTube to pull up a very familiar channel, with a very familiar voice. She made a song while she was in the hospital, and refused to show Alex until she was done with everything. It was a little surprising how she got everything to sound so good, but she was great at doing miracles to Alex. They pulled up their favorite song by that creator called “Death Bed,” and they listened as MCs voice filled the kitchen.

They sang the intro, “Dont stay awake for too long, don’t go to bed. I’ll make a cup of coffee for your head. It’ll get you up and going out of bed.”

At the mention of coffee, they pause the song to get their coffee. Everyday since she was gone, instead of making their coffee like they should, they made it like she would make it for them. Always a little too much of everything. Once they had it in a cup, they resumed the song, closed their eyes, and listened to MCs beautiful voice.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna fall asleep, I don’t wanna pass away.”

They remember holding onto her hand in the hospital, her trying to avoid everything about herself. She told them to go to work and to come back and tell her about everything. She didn’t want to die and it caused her to fear falling asleep. Alex would notice he dark rings under her eyes and they’d kiss her on her forehead, and try to help her fall asleep (they almost always did).

“I been thinking of our future, ‘cause I’ll never see those days.”

They knew she was thinking of how she couldn’t get married to Alex. She was always thinking of the future when they started dating, so the future was never far from her mind, especially when she was in the hospital...her life dwindling away. She wouldnt be able to have kids with them, she wouldn’t even be able to get married. They tried to keep hope, but they think secretly deep down they knew they wouldn’t see much longer with her by their side. It hurt...and from this song it hurt her too.

“I don’t know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it. I tried to do my best, but you know I’m not perfect.”

Everytime they saw MC in the hospital, they knew she blamed herself. She even told them that she blamed herself. She believed this was just karma coming back at her, but they still believe differently. They believe-no they know she was an innocent woman being killed because of the gods selfish desires. And they know she tried her hardest when she was in the hospital to get better, but nothing was working. No medication or time could heal what the goddess’s power was slowly deteriorating.

“I been praying for forgiveness, you’ve been praying for my health.”

Alex would sometimes hear MC mumble, “I’m sorry,” to them. She was apologizing because she knew she didn’t have much time with them. She knew she couldn’t be there for much longer, and she felt guilt. She prayed to them for forgiveness and hoped they’d forgive her when she’s gone. However, Alex always focused on her health. They remember doing anything she wanted them to do and doing anything for the gods to see if they could fix this. To see if they could save her...

“When I leave this Earth, hopin’ you’ll find someone else.”

As they listened to her sing those words, their heart shattered a bit more. They couldn’t love someone else. It was almost impossible. They loved her and gave their forever to her. Even if she was gone, they’d wait. They’d wait for their end or for her to somehow come back one day. They’d always wait for her.

“My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine, it sucks that it’s all ending.”

MC always said she loved Alex, but to hear it in a song made them fall deeper in love with her. To hear her consider them a blessing, made their heart so happy but also hurt. They always wondered if she knew that she was a blessing to them. She was the most important thing to them, and hope she left knowing that.

“I’m happy that you’re here with me, Im sorry if I tear up.”

Alex remembers staying beside MC almost everyday. She was in the hospital for around 6 months, and they almost never left her side. Only to go take a shower, change clothes, or to eat. They just couldn’t leave her side. They wanted to be there if she needed something and they were happy that she was happy with them there.

“When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up. Taking goofy videos and walking through the park. You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark.”

Alex smiled as she sang those lyrics. She remembered all the times they had together as kids, even in her final moments. They remembered cheering her up if she fell down, showing off their aura to cheer her up, taking funny videos together (sometimes Josh would join), and they remember an embarrassing moment. They were on the surface and they heard a dog bark...and they remember clinging onto her a little bit. They didn’t hate dogs, but they weren’t used to them, so it scared them a little bit. MC always held onto them back and told them it was okay. They were so happy she remembered happy times with them together.

“Soon you’ll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me.”

As she sang that part of the song, it hit deep. They both knew she was dying in the hospital and that there was nothing to do about it, but only one of them was denying it. Alex would keep hope that she’d be alive and could live their future out, but she accepted it and tried to do things she loved. She’d draw, she wrote this song, she talked to everyone she loved, and she comforted Alex the best she could. But she would always say sorry. It wasn’t that much of a surprise to hear a ‘sorry’ in here.

They then sang the outro, “Dont stay awake for too long, don’t go to bed. I’ll make a cup of coffee for your head. It’ll get you up and going out of bed.” And repeated it as long as the song did. Their voice mixed in with MCs voice and they felt tears slide down their cheeks.

They missed her so much, and this song was just a reminder of her life and how she loved them. Her memory and voice would live on for the rest of their life, and they picked up the phone, moved to the living room, layed on the couch, and closed their eyes as they listened to the song on repeat. Just like they did

Every day.

OkAAAAAY. I don’t think this was as good as I wanted it to be, but I hope it was good! I didn’t want to include ALL the lyrics bc that’s just a little hNNNNbn. So I just included some of them and yh. Go listen to the song but now with MCs POV and go cry >:) @megatraven. But I hope y’all liked this! Feedback is appreciate (but you don’t have to lol).

Once again, its late, and I don’t want to proofread right nOW SO YEAAAH.

[nathalie-sancoeur-assistant]

Loveater

Here’s my analysis on Loveater, spoilers are below- and there may be some Miracle Queen ones as well.

“Experiencing loss is a part of life. Some people lose their first love. Some lose the harmony of their relationship. Some people lose hope. Others lose patience. While others lose their soul. Some lose their certainties...and some have nothing to lose”

Let’s look at this intro sequence, shall we? 

I believe each and every one of those lines have meaning and foreshadowing in them for each character they were about. 

My evidence:

“Some people lose their first love” it shows Master Fu staring longingly at Marianne. And in the very next episode ( MQ spoilers) even though he’s lost his memories, he’s finally able to be with the woman he loves. 

In this very episode, the loss of harmony between Andre and Audrey’s relationship is what starts off the whole plan Hawkmoth has in store for the next 2 episodes. 

Some lose hope- Chloe, losing hope in Ladybug that she will ever have her miraculous again. And that loss of hope is what fuels her to (MQ spoilers) follow along with Hawkmoth.

So what are we left with that didn’t quite have any resolution in this episode? 

Chat Noir, losing patience. 

Nathalie, losing her soul. 

Gabriel, losing his certainties. 

And Luka, having nothing to lose. 

Before I go on, I would like to point out that the only time we have heard of someone having “nothing to lose” was in Heroes Day, when Hawkmoth claimed HE had nothing to lose....and yet, if he had nothing to lose, he wouldn’t be losing his certainties. So how does Luka have nothing to lose, pray tell? Moving on- these are the 4 unresolved lines of this episode, and I can’t help but feel as if there’s going to be more at play to them later on. 

Chat has been basically waiting for Ladybug to fall in love with him this whole time. If he’s losing patience, that may very well cue his attempt to move on through season 4. 

Nathalie, losing her soul- Nathalie Sancoeur. Nathalie “Heartless”.Soulless? And directly after it’s said, she begins coughing, because she’s still sick. This could be implying a couple things. 

1.) Nathalie’s body isn’t the only thing being effected by the miraculous. Her lifeforce and very soul are being effected and potentially drained. 

2.) By soul, they’re referring to how she’s willing to give up anything for this family. How she’s essentially allowed herself to become their servant, willing to do whatever they ask of her and essentially, giving up her soul for them. 

And if it’s the first then we know that Emilie isn’t just comatose or dead. She’s practically soulless. 

No matter how you take it, it means that she has been willing to give up her very soul for Gabriel and his family. 

Gabriel, losing his certainties- when she says this, we get this scene. 

So this I feel kind of obviously implies that Gabriel’s certainty on both what he thinks is right and what he wants is wavering. And if he’s losing his certainty, his determination is going to waver...which means he might start occasionally skipping over potential akumas for Nathalie’s sake.

Now of course (MQ spoilers) by the end the peacock miraculous is already fixed, giving him less reason to doubt his intentions and actions, but what about what he wants? This is the episode after Felix chronologically if I remember correctly, so this is directly after Adrien told Gabriel that Nathalie was practically part of the family. And we see how intimate things get between them throughout these two episodes. He may have no reason to back down anymore, so it would be interesting to see him still doubting himself. 

And lastly, Luka...honestly, this is likely a really big stretch...but the only other person who’s been implied to have nothing to lose (despite having a son who needs him, a woman who loves him, and a business that can’t run without him) was Hawkmoth. And now we have Luka, someone with a sister who needs him, a mother who loves him, a girl who needs his support that he cares very much for and a bright future ahead of him, being implied to have nothing to lose. As soon as I heard that, my thoughts went to the new Hawkmoth actually being Luka. Which...I have no clue how they would do that. But...he’s the person no one would suspect. He’d be practically safe from suspicion until some solid evidence came into play and even then folks would doubt. It would be the biggest plot twist MLB could pull, I’ll tell you that. 

---

I don’t ship Lukanette, but this is very cute.

And this...oh my gosh, Gabriel in this scene. He just seems so happy to present this love cloak to Audrey and Andre. It’s one of the happiest sounding voices I can recall him using and it’s because he did this on purpose, he know’s exactly what’s going to happen. He’s just waiting for it to unfold. And you have to admit it’s pretty funny. Especially when you realize that...he did it on purpose. (and he made it a cloak because he wanted to akumatize both of them.)

They both know what’s up.

And you know what, I actually like it quite well, but Audrey is right...it doesn’t look good on Andre. 

“A symbol of eternal love...”

Sooo if someone were to order that in a dress form for themselves....would it symbolize their self-love too? 

---

Adrien: Can we help you? *puts hands together* please?

Pure. 

“The secret to a long lasting marriage is-” “Distance!” 

Nathalie:

That smirk.

Even if no one dates each other in the Kagami/Adrien/Marinette/Luka square, they have a very wholesome friendship deserving of recognition. 

Scooby dooby doo, where are you, we’ve got some work for you now 

This was a shout-out to the cliche of all older cartoons when folks are sneaking around, wasn’t it?

She’s still the one out here on the field doing the dirty work. 

Pure. Nothing to see here, just two broken rich kids finally having a chance to enjoy themselves with their good friend Marinette. I love their friendship.

My resting face.

She really is quite pretty with her hair down. 

Gotta go fast

She pressed one button and spoke to Hawkmoth. She has Hawkmoth on speed dial.

I ship lovesquare but the more we get of Lukanette and Adrigami the more I appreciate it. And the more Luka grows on me. I don’t ship it, but I’m not mad at it at all. 

I love the Mari-vision. Its like watching a lightbulb go off in her head.

Also! I love how Heart Hunter/Loveater doesn’t just target romantic love. I mean, sure romantic love is cool and all but they were even able to recognize the love and bond between an owner and their pet. Self-love counts. I’m honestly really disappointed they didn’t get a chance to corner Nathalie, though...not that I want Nathalie in harms way, but I would have loved to hear them say something like “This one is just absolutely filled with love.” “Yes, unrequited...” “Love for a family that can never be her own. What a shame...” and right before she gets devoured, Chat Noir dives down and gives her a chance to get away. 

I have nothing to say about this, I just wanted to include it. 

They still look like night and day even without ones transformation.

“I dont believe in those kids of myths...but I do believe in ice cream” I agree.

“I wish I didn’t have to involve you in this”

Poor thing- I love this scene though. As soon as we see them together it starts with him reaching for her- seeing them out in public, in the daylight, interacting like that, it’s quite pleasing. 

Does he even realize how close her is to her?

And when you zoom further out, he’s got a hand resting on her shoulder...

It’s quite beautiful. 

An awkward screenshot, but I love this running sequence. “Bye bye little bird”, love it.

And...she fell right into their trap. They knew they’d never be able to find the guardian if she managed to detransform and be her civilian self- they were rushing and confusing her so she’d forget to detransform.

“My dear guardian” Okay so what does Hawkmoth have a thing for Master Fu now? 

“My dear Pigeon” 

“My dear Mayura”

“My dear Guardian”

It’s like with me and calling everyone “Hon(ey)”. And I have to admit, the first time seeing this- 

It was quite terrifying. Because I couldn’t help but imagine/compare it to looking up and suddenly seeing something like SCP-096 looming over you, or slenderman or you know just...something really chilling. Looking up and seeing someone or something with the capabilities of ruining and uprooting your life, when you’ve been trying so hard to avoid them all this time. It’d be spooky.

---

The conversation they had here was kinda heartbreaking. 

“There’s only one person I don’t want to hurt- Marinette. She’s the only other friend I have.” and yet “I can’t give him up, even for the sake of friendship”

Maybe I find it heartbreaking because I value friendship over romantic feelings. If I found out a friend had feelings for a guy I also liked, unless that guy approached me first, it’d be given up for the sake of my friend. And even if the guy approached me first, it’d still be a complicated process for me to be willing to accept. I’m so used to hearing about Friends > everyone else that I forget that there are people who don’t have those same values. 

Aw yeah, Master Fu finally out to kick some shell.

And the fact that Hawkmoth assumes that old people have the same time limit that children do, goes to show that hey, he still doesn’t know everything about the miraculous. He still has a lot to learn. 

Oh gosh I love going through and pausing this show frame by frame because then I get gems like this

I can’t stop giggling at this omgosh

“You talk a lot but you haven’t achieved much so far” Master Fu’s really out here to roast Hawkmoth. 

Maymoth are a power couple.

Okay so....I love this? It’s actually really clever if he’s looking for more allies. I like the way he went about it here. Offering her something she desperately wants and can boost her power...and in return she fight by his side. And targeting her once all her hope is down the drain, when her doubts are at their highest...yes, yes, it’s twisted as heck but I like how you can see the thought he put into this. He’s even willing to go so far as to call her “My queen” just to further erase all doubts she might have and cement the idea that if she follows through and does as he asks she can have everything she wants.

ngl this gave me strong Sebastian Michaelis vibes (a demon off the show Black Butler). 

And I like how they were sure to incude the detail of the akuma not only just flying out of the cloak but also lsing the energy it had been infused with.

And Marinette’s emotional breakdown...

Finally, we get to see some of the effect that owning the miraculous and having to constantly hold back her negative emotions has had. It can’t be easy, having to constantly lie to people you love and trust, not being able to show them a side of yourself that really is a part of who you are. Never being allowed to feel overwhelmingly sad, or mad, for fear of destroying your home and family with no one to stop it. And on top of it, feeling as if you have to give up on the person you love because, they love someone else, and someone else loves them more than they love you. Feeling as if Adrien can’t be trusted for fear of spreading her deepest secret, as if Kagami doesn’t care about her as much as she may have hoped, and she ends up rambling about something tht Luka can’t begin to understand unless he knows her secret. 

And Luka, “You can tell me everything, or nothing if you prefer” that is so important, Luka has officially gained my utmost respect. His personality, values and mindset are starting to really come out and I respect it. He knows that sometimes people just can’t talk about something right then and there, that sometimes they’re just not ready, and that it’s okay. I like how they used that to showcase part of Luka and it’s really important for kids to learn that too. 

[theangrypokemaniac]

its fine if you dont like alola but can you not make incest jokes?

I'm not joking. I'm serious.

Alola, or, as I prefer, La Boca del Infierno, ain't all sunshine and smiles as it pretends. Beneath that plastic exterior lies true darkness.

What am I meant to think when I see this?

There's swimming pools bigger than the gene pools down their way!

Although described as 'twins', it's really triplets, but Lana suffers a prematurely ageing growth abnormality.

Children I expect to bear a similarity to their parents, but the moms 'n' dads ain't meant to look like each other!

Everyone here has blue barnets and Inside-Out Eye, where the pupil's the white and the white's the pupil.

Sight defects are notorious in the 'close-knit' communities.

Each insists on hair decoration, but it's almost part of their heads, which you can call bad animation or deformity resulting from too much intermarriage.

Momma's 'thing' just resembles lumps.

It's them space ticks at it again.

Even the hedgehog is round in this house, which may imply he's an illegitimate offspring of one of 'em.

What about inbreeding suggests practitioners won't stoop to even greater infamy?

Stufful's dad never arrived did he?

Funny that, and a bachelor like Oakie-Dokie residing nearby knew nothing about it.

All that bathing in Cuprenol does terrible things to a man.

Ever wondered what'd go down in the marriage of Tweedledum and Tweedledee? Well here you are, yer deviant.

A pair of pudding-faced, gormless Cabbage Patch Dolls, each with snouts, black button eyes and glandular issues, and they don't share DNA even when they do?

Oh yes, Lusamine met a total stranger also possessing her lime pies and effusive mane of unruly, ice-blonde slats.

Total coincidence there.

He came to Alola, he says. On a prison ship.

It's just one head in triplicate!

Oversized an' all: sure sign of genetic tomfoolery.

Dot Nose, Bridge Nose, Fish Eye: bloody serious case we have on our hands.

Now you understand why she failed to remarry: no other brothers cuts yer options ter nil.

Incest is of course, relative.

Whatever dæmon they worship, some are more pious about it than their fellow perverts.

The more dedicated the believer, the greater insistence on keeping things running in the family.

They'll show off their interwoven connections to the neighbours in a smug game of one-upmanship.

The more lapsed follower will tolerate copulation with distant kin.

These sinners are naturally despised and forced into menial labour, whereas the fanatics just so happen to be rolling in wealth.

Consider:

• Lana's family get by on a fisherman's salary, apparently.

Yeah, yeah, as if the state doesn't have to subsidise their medical bills.

• Sophocles don't go hungry, he has a lab, a giant hamster wheel, a portable hologram in a Pikachu, and he's so rich he not only had the roof fixed, but can move down the road in the meantime.

Oi! The rest of us get by putting a bucket under the leak!

• Lillie has every material possession possible, but no spine or company.

Oh the irony that top sickos should be so resistant to the lure of family obligation.

Hey, yer didn't say that earlier!

• Lusamine is fawned upon for her pwehshush research to the extent she can abandon her children, turning her daughter into a nervous wreck and her son a moody, absent drifter, and it's up to them to understand her work comes first.

• Mohn (by name and nature) fannied about with worm holes until he got sucked off by another dimension.

What did yer think would happen?

Yet on his return, is he knocked on his arse as he deserves?

No, because of incest privileges. The in-group take care of their own, and worse.

Mallow's mater and pater both share hair, thick brows and close-together peepers of murky green.

The contrast in noses suggests something lesser than siblings, but then again other differing aspects are forgivable.

She is of a lighter pallor, being dead, and wanting an open coffin, had a shave beforehand, which is a frightening nod to morality.

Woman, are you ashamed of our love?

Well Abe went along with it, thus is also culpable of this grotesque bristle denial.

Being unclean, he's gotta cook the dinner.

And this lot milk the cows.

On the surface, Kiawe's old 'uns aren't identical. You might think some heretical decency has finally sneaked in under the oppressive Alola regime, but it ain't that simple.

These people pray to a volcano as if an earthbound deity, so are nutters.

One aspect you must remember:

Ol' Granpappy the Island Kakuna, i.e. a dried-up chrysalis.

'Cause Pappy got Momma's tufts...

And Dadda's humourless mouth, oblong head, straight-line nose, rectangular eyes and pin pupils.

Well that's not how it's s'posed to go!

I'm thinking Granpappy, as one of them there Kakunas, is in a position of power high enough that he's able to wilfully flaut the laws he imposes on others, like how popes had kids in the Good Old Days and no one took a blind bit o' notice.

He's a rebel I tells yer.

He don't play by the rules.

No sister-wife for him.

Not when he's got a sexy cousin a-waitin'.

A little bit of new blood's crept in, disgracefully so, that's why the whole lot's punished by living near an active volcano.

Surrender 'em to the flames!

Kiawe makes such a big deal about Pappy, and sod the other three grandparents.

Except he only had two!

What is the explanation?

1. Bone-idle writing team.

Character design is foundational stuff. If yer can't even be arsed to do that properly, nothing you do is worthwhile.

I mean, come on, repeating the same model that blatantly?

Halfwits so limited in imagination shouldn't be working in any creative industries.

I blame modern diets.

A whole generation's grown up timid and risk averse because they were taught to fear E. numbers as kids.

I make it a rule to suspect any sod unaware of the joy of a blue tongue.

They've never lived, man!

Where did you think it'll end when dangerous, pretend edibles like houmous, avocados and quinoa replace the wholesome, nourishing fare of biscuits, cake and crisps?

Stop toying with the fundamental principles of the universe!

The mess of the modern era screams systematic abuse of too much kale and not enough sugar.

2. Incest

Alola is extremely insular.

It's implied to be a tourist destination, but no amount of degenerate outside influence appears to have diluted the weird customs it still upholds.

They didn't even think of starting a League until Ash turned up with all his wild exoticism, and why's that?

A. Inbreeding has destroyed their capability for innovation.

B. Many thousands of years ago, Alola got well annoyed its dirty habits weren't exactly catching on as it strove to spread the Satanic message.

Thoroughly confounded in its plans for world conquest, Alola shut itself off in a purification ritual, which is why later developments popular  elsewhere, such as replacing beasts of burden with machines, never caught on.

3. Alola isn't Hawaii, it's a combination of Australia, a penal colony, and Crete, where lived the lepers.

Specifically it's a dumping ground for all the regions' sex offenders to keep their own societies clean.

Of course, the guilty took their nearest and dearest along too, since they were on the receiving end, and loved it.

This explains the large amount of foreign Pokémon, since the owners are also from abroad.

Now I think 'anging's too good for 'em, but these wet-willy countries insist on storing up trouble for themselves, for if cinema has taught us anything, it is that mutants will always escape.

Nature finds a way, however abominable.

Since so many on Tumblr simply love Alola, they aren't about to admit the slightest weakness in the creators' abilities.

Therefore, incest is the acceptable answer to all and sundry.