#i also think being fully independent will give me the confidence i need to start expressing myself more authentically

[chiritori]

cannot wait to move in with my friends next month

[piko-power]

My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

[bywheeler]

This is gonna be long…you’ve been warned

So here’s my thing. I think that milkvan would’ve been cute had they established them into a slow burn. Let’s just say they had set up milkvan differently and had them develop slowly over the seasons. I believe that for it to have worked they could’ve kept them on a friend level in season 1 (maybe have subtext of their crushes but nothing more). Any sort of romance felt forced to me. I mean this girl literally has been locked up in a lab and gone through so much trauma. She needed more time to trust people. She also needed more time to understand what a romantic relationship is. Then in season 2, I don’t think they should have kissed. They could’ve danced together at snowball but I still think they should’ve kept it platonic. I loved how season 3 showed El learning about independence. Being surrounded by bad men all her life, I think it was important for her to see what it’s like to have a strong female friendship. Again, I don’t think El and Mike should’ve been together in season 3. Maybe El could’ve confided in Max about her crush on Mike but I truly think El needed to learn to love her self and find her true self-identity before rushing into a romantic relationship. Season 3 sort of touched on this but it was because her and Mike broke up. I just don’t think they should’ve been together in the first place. Now maybe season 4 could’ve been where Mike and El started coming together. Mike comes to visit them and sees what El is going through. They confide in each other about trauma/bullying. Then they are separated again and this is when Mike realizes how much he truly loves El. They’re reunited and then they have their big moment when Mike gives his speech. Don’t get me started on the speech. That’s a whole other thing I won’t fully get into. Instead of Mike saying “you’re my superhero” he could’ve said something more along the lines of “you’re not a monster, you are the strongest person I know” and brought up things to show he understands El. Personal things that show he really loves her as a person who is more than just her powers. Had they done this with milkvan’s story I would’ve possibly shipped them. However, the way they wrote them leads me to believe that El is meant to go on a journey where ultimately she becomes an independent women. I really just want her to finally see herself as the beautiful person she is. Because all her life she has been used by others for her powers and I want her to realize that she is more than that.

[geneviveleocardius]

light yagami (kira) headcanons

but he’s in love with the same detective as L

light’s interest in you begins as competition with L. at first, he views you as another obstacle—someone just as sharp and intuitive as L—but soon, he finds himself intrigued, frustrated, and drawn to your presence in ways he doesn’t fully understand.

his obsession with being the smartest person in the room complicates his feelings. he can’t stand how you often side with L during debates, yet he secretly relishes the challenge of earning your approval.

unlike L’s straightforward quirks, light’s affection is polished and charming. he uses his good looks and charisma to pull you toward him, offering thoughtful compliments or insightful conversations that make him seem genuine.

despite his composed exterior, light feels a simmering jealousy whenever you work closely with L. he hides it well, but his subtle glances or slightly sharper tone when L is around give him away.

light’s true feelings emerge in quiet, vulnerable moments. maybe it’s late at night, and you catch him looking exhausted, his usual mask of perfection slipping. for just a second, he lets his guard down around you.

he tries to outshine L not just in solving the case, but also in how he treats you. light will bring you coffee just the way you like it, offer support when you’re frustrated, and subtly ensure that he’s always there when you need him.

his possessiveness grows the deeper his feelings become. he’ll never outright admit his jealousy, but he’ll find ways to keep you close, like suggesting you partner with him on certain tasks or steering conversations away from L.

his love language is a mix of acts of service and words of affirmation, but both are tinged with manipulation. he’ll say things like, “i don’t know how l would manage without you,” while ensuring he’s the one you rely on most.

when L starts showing obvious interest in you, light becomes more calculating. he won’t confront L directly, but he’ll make subtle moves to undermine him in your eyes, planting seeds of doubt while maintaining his perfect image.

light’s internal conflict over you is intense. on one hand, he wants to win your heart as part of his endless quest for superiority over L. on the other hand, his feelings for you are real enough to shake his confidence in his ability to stay detached.

if he ever confesses, it’s in a moment of emotional vulnerability he can’t entirely control. “i didn’t expect this,” he’d admit quietly, his voice tinged with frustration. “you’re the one person who makes me question everything.”

light sees you as his equal, which terrifies and excites him. he admires your intellect and independence, but he also wants to be the person who influences your choices, pulling you into his orbit and away from L.

his rivalry with L takes on a more personal tone. every glance or moment you share with L feels like a blow to his pride, but light masks his feelings with his usual calm, using every interaction as a chess move to win your attention.

as his feelings deepen, light becomes conflicted about his plans as kira. while he tells himself he can keep the two worlds separate, he begins to wonder what you’d think if you ever discovered the truth—and whether losing you is a price he’s willing to pay.

[gordonradiotv]

A (Long Overdue) Celebration

Ah, hello, Readers!

It's Jox again! Some of you probably knew me as "Toony" back in the day, but it's been a looong while since I used that name. And it's been a long while since this blog ended!

On May 23rd, 2020 I started this little ask blog not expecting it to become much. But because of all of you, it blew up into something absolutely incredible! I wish I had the words to describe how this blog changed my life. I met my fiance because of this blog. I met lifelong friends. I gained the confidence to pursue independent passion projects like my webcomic Tip The Ferrymen and others. It's kinda insane to think a tumblr ask blog based on the haha funny HL youtube series would've had such an impact on my life.

So, I wanted to do something to celebrate the blogs 4 anniversary! Unfortunately we are a bit late to the mark due to some wild stuff that happened earlier this year, but better late than never! But finally it is done and finally Tumblr let me actually upload these lmfao. Without further ado, I want to announce:

GordonRadioTV's Soundtrack has been FULLY remastered!

With help from my lovely creative partner and fiance @stygiuscantus , the soundtrack for this blog has been fully remastered! Now, you can experience the whole story again with a fresh coat of paint. The tracks are also available on Selene's bandcamp, they're "pay what you want" as well! If you want to support Selene's work, here's a good place to do it!

I am also aware that some of you may be disappointed that the old tracks are gone, but for extremely private reasons that I will not be disclosing I no longer feel comfortable having those tracks up on this blog. To me, this is a fresh start to a project I hold dear to my heart and allows me to experience it all over again. I have loved every moment of working with Selene and she has put so much heart and effort into this, so cheers to new beginnings!

Selene herself also wanted to say a few words, which are included here:

"Four years ago, a friend of mine linked a little blog called GordonRadioTV in one of our Discord servers. Being fixated on HLVRAI at the time, I quickly checked it out, only for it to genuinely, actually make me laugh. I think I read all of the chapters up to that point (up to 3, I think?) in one go, because it was such a novel storytelling medium to me, and I was immediately enraptured. Little did I know that this little funny Half-Life blog would quite literally change my life, introducing me to new friends, inspiring me to experiment with my own art forms, and helped me find the love of my life, to whom I now life with together and am engaged to. Whenever Jox needed a new composer, I jumped in to help on short-notice, giving myself a brief crash-course on music theory to do so. I started this project months ago in the hopes that I would get it done in time for the anniversary, but, well, making 20 tracks takes a long time. I tried to put a lot of thought and love into each track, with each character having their own instrumental motif, and even some melodic motifs (namely for Gordon and Benrey). I truly hope that all of you like it; I am honored to be a part of the legacy of something that's so important to me."

-Selene Highchurch

Thank you all for everything. I have said it a million times, and I wish I had a new way to phrase it, but this blog means so much to me. This project means so much. Your support means so much to me. These stories are mine as much as they are yours, so much of this story wouldn't have existed without your participation. Thank you for being here. Thank you for playing.

And to alter the words of a certain scientist...

You've changed my life, everyone. I'd like to think it was for the better.

I don't know whats going to happen to us once this blog is done for good, but I know I'll never forget you. I hope you won't forget me.

Well...This is where I get off.

Goodbye, Readers!

[obsessedwithceleste]

Hi, I hope you're doing well. I recently found your page and absolutely LOVEEE everything about it. I'd like to kindly ask for a slytherin boy's pairing 🙈

ME:

I'd describe myself as an extrovert but it also depends on social situations but I find it quite easy to comversate with just anyone. I LOVE watching films and shows as it's a way to see people's creativity. I'm an April Taurus (had to be specific). I enjoy exercise and constantly being active because it relaxes me. I play sports on a regular basis and try to fuel my body the best I can in order to feel my best. I enjoy watching animated shows like Rick and Morty, South Park, ect. I love engaging in self-care like switching candles on and have good jazz or R&B music in the background. I love spending time with friendsand causally go out. I don't party much because I prefer calmer scenery like hidden gems in my city. I'm goal-oriented and ambitious about certain things I want to achieve whether it's career wise or in my day to day life. In summary I love to constantly work to improve myself and be the best I can be. I'm sensitive, caring, loyal and trustworthy. I'm smart, creative and artistic. I'm quite good at drawing and I'm independent but not afraid to ask for help when I need it. I'm able to make people laugh easily and come up with jokes quickly (humble way of saying I'm funny ���)

Extras:

My favorite season is Summer/Autumn

I love dining out

I dislike watermelon but love watermelon flavored things

I used to be super into astrology (SUPEEERR)

Physical appearance:

I'd like to believe I'm average height 😭 (I'm 5'4). I have a toned athletic body. Strong legs and a phatt @ss 😝 (had to add that 😔). I have black long 4C hair and a proportional upper to lower body ratio. I lean to the smaller side in terms of bust. I have a button nose (so I'm told), brown eyes and a warm undertone. I have a prominent beauty spot above my lip close to my cupids bow and almond shaped eyes. I have medium to full lips and and oval face.

That's about it... I'll most likely remember more things about myself after I send this 😂😂 but anyways take care and thank you so much! ❤️ God Bless 🙏

We love a confident queen with a phat @ss🫡

Pairing: Mattheo Riddle

Mattheo is firey, impulsive, and intense. He doesn’t do things halfway and fully pours himself into everything he does.

He’s always thought of himself as being emotionally detached. Affection is just a form of weakness after all (or at least that’s what his father says).

The first time the two of you go head to head is on the quidditch pitch. Mattheo takes the game quite seriously, so to see someone equally as passionate on the pitch that can give him a run for his money definitely intrigues him.

He notices you more after that. Chatting in the back of the classroom with anyone who will listen, bantering in the Great Hall with your teammates.

You seem fun and easygoing and confident. Mattheo can admire that.

Every time he sees you sauntering off of the pitch before his own practice starts, he has to force himself not to stare (discretion who?). He's not good at hiding it at all though, and Theo has a field day making fun of him for it.

After weeks of this, Mattheo happens to find himself out on the field at just the right time as you'd decided to get some extra practice in over the weekend.

Before he has the chance to over think it, Mattheo joins you in the air, quickly falling in line beside you. You're surprised at first. You'd seen him around of course, but he'd always kept to his own little group of friends.

You weren't going to complain either way though and soon enough, the two of you were bickering as if you'd known each other your whole lives.

After that, Mattheo seems like he just can't get enough of you, wanting to spend every waking moment of his day with you. He doesn't get close to many, so when he does find someone, he tends to latch on.

The first time Mattheo truly lets himself believe that he might be falling for you (he had been for awhile now) is when he finds himself sat in your dorm room, soft candlelight glowing across the room as music plays somewhere in the background.

You'd somehow convinced the boy to let you put a facemask (whatever that was) on him. He didn't think he liked it much. It was cold, and wet, and slimy. But he liked you, so he allowed it.

It's not until a few nights later though, while you're both lounging about by the fireplace that he asks the question. It comes out of nowhere. You had been discussing which professional quidditch team would win the world cup when he suddenly sat straight up and asked to be your boyfriend.

It takes you a moment to respond, you're so caught off guard, but the "yes" hadn't even fully left your lips before his mouth is on yours.

Once it's official, Mattheo is stuck to your side (even more than he had been). Theo gets a kick out of teasing him, reminding him of how he'd stared at you like a lovesick fool for weeks (a total coincidence of course, that one of his eyebrows was singed off that very week).

Anyway, Mattheo loves having his hands on you at all times, wrapping you in a tight hug, having his arm slung over your shoulder, hand possessively on your thigh.

The boy is completely and utterly obsessed with you. Hard to believe that he was once stoic and unfeeling when he's now tripping over himself to bend to your every whim.

[vexingviolet]

WATERPARKS TAROT READING

~General energy of the band currently~

Yeah, baby! I sense a weak spot and I’m here to exploit it! I love doing tarot and I love the things that I love. I figured I could always use the practice so here I am, doing tarot reads for whatever I want on tumblr apparently.

Just to state this clearly. This is to be taken as entertainment. I do not know them. I don’t know shit. I can’t speak for them. I’m going off of my interpretations of the cards and it’s all in good fun.

That’s enough of that. I wanted this to just be a tentative little read on the energy of parx because I am obsessed with the idea of hearing the country song. I’ve been streaming the fuck out of FAI2 and that means waterparks is always on the brain at the moment.

———————

So. To start off, the energy color/ vibes I’m getting are fucking interesting.

For the band as a whole I got this very very very strong creamsicle orange. Which??? Not what I thought I’d be seeing at all. I went in thinking I’d get a strong blue but no. Nope. Orange. This is the closest pic I could find but it’s still so different

Geoff has this lovely strong and rich green color. Like the ~good grass~ that’s super soft. It’s a very sure color as well.

As for Otto, he has this velvety purple color. It’s almost hypnotic like those water things you shake that have lots of shimmery stuff in it? That’s the vibe. Again a very sure color.

Now Awsten. Personal bias did me dirty for this. I figured Awsten would have a very “loud” or sure color. Because… you know… that would make sense. But no. The best way I can describe this color is like kids lipgloss. It’s just a lot softer and more honest than I thought it’d be. Kinda like these but more specifically the sugar sprinkle and the vanilla one (if you’re old enough to remember the snap-gloss we are best friends now)

Okay, now to the actual tarot part

The overall energy of Waterparks is the Empress reversed. This card speaks of anxiety and uncertainty as well as not being satisfied with the current state of things. Because this is the energy for the band as a separate entity sort of thing, I’d say this has to do with this current state of independence/ finding their footing kinda deal.

As for the things contributing to this Empress in reverse

We have the chariot card. This is very interesting because this card talks about lot about successfully conquering obstacles and being motivated and confident in your journey. Seeing this card in this context gives me the vibe of fighting for something and realizing that winning that battle, getting over that hurdle is just the start of this journey you’ve set out on. It’s being confident about being in motion but It’s also the feeling of relief that can’t yet be fully enjoyed because you see a long path still ahead of you. (Ever been on a road trip where you’re halfway through and you hit mad fucking traffic? When you get through it you’re so excited you aren’t going 5 miles an hour on the highway anymore but then you remember you still have half the fucking trip left?)

Moving on to the 6 of coins now. This card talks of a change in circumstance as well as give-and-take. At first I was confused… an then I continued to be confused so I pulled a clarity card. That was the 2 of coins which talks about a struggle for balance, needing clarity (lol), and a choice. I would say that this specifically to me makes me think that there was a big decision that they needed help with (being independent?) and they’ve been lucky enough to have people around them who are in a position to help steady/balance out their scale. It’s also giving a choosing the lesser of two evils. But more than that I feel like it’s a bridge between the chariot and this next card

The world reversed. This card talks about a partial success, disappointing outcome and a sort of doubt in your own capabilities. Womp womp.

The death card at the bottom of the deck is a foreseen end and accepting the inevitable. It’s transformation. This makes me think that this “change in circumstance” was always going to happen. Entirely unavoidable. It also feels to me like there’s some sprinkle of embracing uncomfortable truths regarding longevity, motivation and relevance.

To sum up, moving too quickly out of necessity(?) with possibly unrealistic expectations have left them anxious and dissatisfied as well as doubting their capabilities in this time of “death” and/or rebirth. They’re left in this balancing energy of having to give and take and juggle responsibilities and freedom and make “compromises” they’d rather not make (probably pertaining to comfort). Also, in a money sense it feels like an “in-out” kind of deal. Could also be them being able to put out music and do what they want in that realm at the cost of promotions and connections. But it’s also good! There’s a feeling of determination throughout this whole thing.

Also more reliant on give and take with fans (stream FAI2 for that fucking country song, baby)

I also wanted to get a feel for the energy between them all. For that I got 6 of swords, 9 of swords and 6 of cups.

6 of swords is about moving past comfort in search of growth. Something like an intentional shift in mental state. With the 9 of swords we see what is essentially nightmares. It’s being troubled by worry, anxiety and despair. The 6 of cups is memories of the past. It’s being happy and imaginative. It’s nostalgia for good childhood memories and friends.

So… there may have been a period of unspoken contempt or unchecked fear and emotions that created a bit of turbulence or friction between them? Obviously I don’t know them so I can’t truly speak to this but it feels a bit like they let these bad things fester between them, likely due to stress, and eventually either they talked it out (or will idk) or worked through those emotions individually. Reminiscing on the past could have brought them clarity and perhaps led making a very big decision involving the direction of the band.

Things that I thought of and may/ may not be relevant :

Hear, see, speak- (no evil?)

Purple- in the context of blue and red?

26 & 14

Car

Back and shoulder

Yellow- hair? Clothes? Like bright yellow

Daisies

Skeleton key, like a cool one. Apparently it should be kept by the front door?

Pink eraser

Hubba bubba (the stupid tape gum. The sour green apple was the best and I will die on that hill)

Grey pants blue shirt.

Open bottles.

1111

———-

That’s all for now. I hope you had fun reading. I want to do more readings especially for waterparks bc the new album and what not (also I want to know why Awsten has kids lipgloss energy lol) so I’ll be back eventually for more.

[decepti-thots]

re: meta again (again) - about old fandoms with no/little new input - do you think that there's a point where even though there's kinda more time for meta, the fandom becomes a bit detached from the canon material, maybe partially?

also, you made a really interesting point with developing confidence in one's own taste - I think I (and many others) are used to being graded on media analysis in school, so you'd have to find the 'correct' angle instead of finding the angle that works for you. it feels like it should be obvious that it can be different but I did kinda need you to write it down to get it, so thank you :) also, thank you for the discussion in general - I have actually started to grab screenshots of the comic panels that I've been having thoughts about, but here comes the final boss of writing meta (to me): lack of time, haha

I think it can vary enormously depending on the fandom, honestly. Some fandoms are built up around folks who are there to do textual analysis and as a result, I find that you don't tend to get that kind of "canon drift", because constantly revisiting the text is a large part of the communal fandom experience. (Again I invoke the daddy of all Western acafandoms- book-Tolkien and especially Silmarillion fandom spaces tend to go this way.) They can wind up in their own recursive interpretive bubbles in other ways, mind, but it's in no way a sure thing. I do think fandoms where it is possible to remain engaged without needing to revisit the source material can be prone to it, though. Transformers fandom (including e.g. specifically IDW1 fandom) gives you a lot of avenues for creative fannish outlets that don't need you to revisit the canon material for reference, so it's very possible for fanon environments to... drift away. (I'm thinking of drift here in a way that's a little like semantic drift, honestly.)

I think the idea that it relates to experience with media analysis in school- and I assume you mean school and not higher education here?- is interesting. While my time before dropping out of university wasn't spent in a literature course (I studied linguistics), it was adjacent enough and I spent enough time trying to self-study in it academically that my default understanding of this stuff trends towards my experiences there rather than high school, where I feel like the "right vs wrong" dichotomy is at least less emphasized. But of course those bad educational settings where the idea of "right" analyses are taken for granted bc Teaching To The Test must loom large in most peoples' memories bc it's, you know, the default for most people- like they exist ofc. All I can say to that is that a majority of high school/etc experiences with "media analysis" are so far from what it looks like everywhere else that you deserve to feel comfortable punting it into the fucking sun. Not just in the sense that "academic analysis" doesn't do that in higher education environments (though it shouldn't! i swear to god it shouldn't be like that!!!) but also because so much exciting analysis of art is done fully outside academic environments. ...I just realised that my longstanding investment in artistic analysis of video games as a medium probably helps me here because it ranges from "academic analysis is rejected by the mainstream as Not What Real Games Are About so gamers hate it" to "academic analysis of video games has no room for most indie work and neither does pop culture so it has to exist independently without following convention so academics dismiss it", which means I'm just. Really used to analysis of non-prestigious media that is fully outside "the academy", haha. If you want to get comfortable analysing art when you haven't done it since high school handed you a stupid letter grade, peruse Critical Distance for media analysis that is largely divorced from the idea of consensus among Important People TM, genuinely; critical artistic analysis of video games is a great place to find intelligent, interesting work that ignores a lot of what is conventionally considered "obligatory" for Real Art Criticism TM. (video game crit is like, my default mileau, ngl.)

As for time, I personally write most of my work while doing time theft (this is why you see me on here less at the weekends), but regardless: recommended post on one (excellent) fandom-writer's process. also, take as long as you need. take months if you have to. it's good and fine. write three words a day. write one post a year. or post seven a day, whatever. i will say that folding meta-writing into my 'reading for fun' time helped me a lot, though- meta as an extension of re-reading for fun, rather than something in addition to it, was very helpful to me! don't re-read in addition to planning meta, basically; try and meld the two into one experience. you aren't doing an academia, and you can go off the cuff as you read! make meta into a liveblog, and get meta out of livetweets! same hat!!! etc. but also it's just fine to. take time. yknow.

[nattatanker]

To: me, november 24th 2025

Today is 24th of november 2024. Or rather, it’s 00:22. the 24th will be tomorrow. It’s still a month to this year, but I’m so done with this year that I’m writing this post a bit early. I want to give a recap of 2024. And on this day in 2025, I can look back at some of these events and laugh about them. But most of them are no laughing matter as I’m writing them.

this year I started off being single. It didn’t end exactly as 2024 started, it did end before. But i still entered 2024 a single woman. For the first time in many years, I was no longer committed to anyone. I didn’t care what he did, all I knew is that I had to make the best of my year and my life.

I started the year by working out 5 times a week. In January I could do a 50 kg deadlift. As of writing this, I this week deadlifted 90 kg for 4 reps. I also squat 70 kg for 5x3. I have a defined back and my physique has never looked better. As of writing, I have completed 159 workouts this year. A huge accomplishment.

I really focused on myself. I stayed alone. We still talked, but I cut you more and more out of my life until I completely blocked you out in May. After that, it feels like my life started. The following three months were some of the best of my life.

I went on the best vacation in my life. Ten days with a huge group of friends. I slept with someone. The day before my flight, then with someone else during the vacation, and then the first guy again in the following three months. I was cured from my issues. I really felt liberated. Like I could take on the world. My body had finally healed and I felt so in touch with my own body.

I then broke the guys heart. He wanted more, I didn’t. I actually just wanted the sex. I couldn’t care less.

I lost my mother. Not in a literal sense, as you know, but i had to cut her out. I didn’t talk to her for 6 months. As of writing this, she’s waiting to start her sentencing. I no longer have a mother.

In September, we started talking again. It was exciting seeing you nervous. I felt like on top of the world, yet again. Sleeping with you was liberating too - because for the first time, I felt in control. You wanted to impress me. You charmed me again. Unfortunately, my newfound independence didn’t last long around you. And when you pulled away, I eventually followed. And we were back where we were. It all came to a head this Friday as we fought in your car. I ended it. Whatever it really was. I was no longer the independent person you were intrigued by, I had resigned to the angsty person I was last time. I hated myself for it. And I think you hated me a bit too.

I have obviously gathered enough evidence now to fully be able to conclude with the fact that we do not work together. Partly because of me, but partly because of you too. It’s unfortunate. I really wish you were my soulmate.

So this year has been a journey of self discovery. It’s been a journey of loss. For the first time I’ve stood on my own feet and not been afraid. I’ve truly enjoyed the feeling of being completely free. Peace of mind. But the fall was cruel. It’s been gut wrenching. The loneliness came creeping in as the temperatures started to fall. I’ve been clinging to you to not have to face how lonely I really have become.

The first half of the year was amazing. Truly like taking off a heavy backpack and breathing in fresh air. The summer was full of sex and flirtation and just insane self confidence. Truly unmatched. I’ve never been as high. And then the lows of the fall hit. With desperation, loneliness, day dreaming and fantasizing about men and gestures that doesn’t exist. Not in the real world.

I got better. Physically I’ve never been stronger or more in shape. My body is awakened. I’m in control of myself. It’s been the best year of my life. But i have lost. I have lost so much, and loved so little. All the things I’ve experienced are superficial. At the time they were extremely meaningful. It was needed. But now I want something real.

He can no longer be my goal. Or my end stop. The train moves a long. But how long till I reach my stop? Soulmate, are you out there? Do I even have the eyes to detect you? Or the heart to embrace you?

[meowmeowbeepy]

A reflection re: Ben

Inspired by conversations re: love, relationships, soulmates, trials, tribulations etc. circa Lillian

Dear Ben,

I am experiencing a very new state of being where I feel untethered to the idea that my soul = Ben and Catherine. Sorry to start off this letter so abstractly. This "state of being" is not one I have felt before in romantic relationships. The failure and pain I had from those previous relationships I THINK partially came from the inability to separate my individual security and happiness from the security and happiness my relationship gave me. I.e. when things between my love interest and I were good, I was happy. When things between my love interest and I were rocky, I derailed and felt very unpeaceful in all aspects of my life. I remember being uncomfortable in class, at home, at work, going to bed, in the presence of friends, everything and everywhere- even when he was not physically there to directly cause immediate strife. When I say I was not independent of my relationship, I am not saying I needed to be with this person every waking moment. I really did not. But I needed everything about that relationship to be good in order to be fully functional in the other parts of my life. I did not like that, and I am glad this is something I don't have to feel with us. So, the lesson that Ben and Catherine (henceforth referred to as B+C) has taught me is that Catherine can watch B+C, tend to B+C, reflect on B+C, and treat B+C... like a plant. I hope this is a healthy form of love. But I think this reflection has been on my mind recently as Lillian has been profoundly reflecting on her relationship. Also further fueled by the fact I am more acutely aware that we are spending more time apart than together. When we do spend our weekends together, I don't feel like a Catherine watching B+C. I feel like one thing = us!! And not just Catherine, or Catherine watching B+C. I quite like knowing and truly feeling a difference between these states of being. To give you a specific example of the moments I feel "untethered". I have developed this idea from my new reactions to our disagreements. This was not always the case, but in the most recent times where we philosophically disagree, I feel like Catherine watching B+C. And I know that while B+C are discussing and disagreeing and butting heads, Catherine herself does not need to take her upset to the next level or even personally. Does this make me seem sociopathic? I feel like this is a highly effective form of compartmentalization. I do get fussy in my head a little, but I try to come down from it by reminding myself that this is not a change in B+C. Instead, it is Ben (alone) and Catherine (alone). But B+C can and will recover and love each other anyways. With your recent sick series, I have been challenged to understand that sick Ben is not a sick B+C. It's been harder for me to untether your health from us. But I am trying to find a way.

I wish I could remember more of our early courting days. From our happy, talkative and chatty dinner at Barcenas, cocktails at DTO that very romantically extended to a big walk to Mama Teresa's and back to your place where you were so forward and confident, to never really going a day without talking or a week without dating. I knew I was lucky then to have such a fun and non-dramatic relationship. I remember saying "we somehow have such spontaneous and great dates every weekend!" I even showed you some of my crazy! I am glad you accidentally told me you loved me, and I am glad you reminded me (verbally) how much you liked me and thought we were progressing well. It kept me on track, especially since I was definitely trying to run the course too fast. I can always rely on you to not get lost in my clouds. We are compatible in that way. I give you fun and endearing cheer, you give me back the silliness I crave and consistency and stability. After the first 3 dates, I cannot specifically remember the timeline of what happened after. I vaguely remember the surprise I felt that each weekend we didn't just lounge around and do nothing- we had activities! Events! In Texas City, in Galveston, we were young and easily happy together. I also vaguely remember the instability I felt before you asked me to be your girlfriend. Or rather, I asked you to ask me to be your girlfriend. I was grabbling with not knowing when we would be official despite getting closer every week. I should have been happier to enjoy the ride, especially since the ride was smooth and without conflict. Instead, I felt unease there was no absolution or security that we were NOT going to break up. You were easy going back then. I am grateful for the patience you had with me. I came to love and learn how wise you were through my weekly freak outs.

I have some other memories, TKY parties, going to the beach, feeling shy just dropping by the house, going to Oktoberfest and seeing you socialize with people you went to school with. I don't know why I felt so shy, but I was meeting a lot of people (formally) really fast. And I think I was nervous that all these put together were white, mostly attractive, had more in common with you, and would have more in common with me if I was also white. And I felt awkward thinking people were initially thinking we don't match. I was just projecting. Because in my head, I was struggling frequently about us not matching. It wasn't the same critique Lillian had earlier on about how we were "settling" for each other. My overthinking, unfounded, unmaterialized fear was more that we would blow up at each other for the same disagreements we were having then, in the future, and it would get REALLY ugly. Like in 5 years, we would continue to have the same tensions (that we were not letting completely tip us over at the time) but suddenly, we would both stubbornly not back down. And by then, we would look back and feel guilty we "ignored" this for 5 years and now had to be BRAVE to break up. I know I am not brave like that. But I think you are. It is still a fear I have, but after almost 2 years of working through these things and not having any less love (actually, having more love), I think "WOW. We are 2 out of 5 of those scary 5 years I imagined, and it actually has only gotten easier." Hence the B+C theory.

You feel so familiar to me now. It actually gives me butterflies in my tummy when I think of this. Your uncontrollable urges to redecorate, move furniture around, devote yourself to new hobbies like cookbooks, planting, coffee making, scavenging eBay and sellers online for clothing, Toyota Matrix's, and much more... they make me giggle. I know my Ben can get excited by something so small that brings him joy. It is so fun to watch. I like to make fun of you for these things, but I see a future father who will want his children to experience and find small tasks to devote to. And I will be in the back thinking... "how long will this one last?" But it makes me smile. And excited. I still daydream about our future so much. While your ADD presents in new hobbies, mine presents in new daydreaming topics. I think about the future so much. How will our wedding dinner look? How will our photos look? How will the photos of us looking at each other look? How will the proposal look? How will our first home look? Your residency? Our dates in the next phase of life? Our kids?

I trust that God brought us together, and I hope we can both be blessed by God. I hope He smiles down on our love. I hope we have a Christian and honorable life together. I idolize our future too much. Like my earlier mistakes, I know I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride. But I am giddy with anticipation. I am so thankful for everything and every feeling you have given me. I want to be less selfish, and do better at giving to and supporting you.

I think I am done. I love you!

[f1]

Dad was also quite decent in the wet says Verstappen after taking pole in rain | 2023 Canadian Grand Prix

Max Verstappen credited the training his father gave him when he was young after claiming another pole position in wet conditions at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve. The Red Bull driver beat the field by 1.3 seconds when the rain came down in Q3. The 25-year-old is the son of former Formula 1 driver Jos Verstappen, who guided his junior career. “In general it helps if you are confident in the wet,” said Verstappen, “but… it’s a lot of feeling as well. Knowing how to drive it, what lines to take. It’s difficult to fully explain why that happens. “But it’s something [I] have been learning since [being] a little kid. I remember back in the go-karting days, my dad was the guy standing on the track telling me where to drive in the wet because I think back in the day he was also quite decent in the wet. “So just learning and then at one point understanding yourself what is going on and what you have to do and how to drive fast in the wet.” The levels of water on the track varied throughout the session. The track was already wet when qualifying began, and drivers spent Q1 on the intermediate tyres. “I think Q1 was quite straightforward with inters,” said Verstappen. “The track was quite dry in some places, so there were not many things that could catch you out because the tyres were getting up to temperature quite quickly, so that was good.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free Q2 was a more complicated affair, as the track briefly dried out enough for slick tyres to be a possibility. However the rain soon returned, and those who were too late to switch to slicks were caught out. Verstappen was among those who got the call right. “You had to make the call in Q2 with when to switch to the slick tyres,” he added. “I opted to initially go out on the inters just to get a lap in because they work a bit better than slick tyres on a bit of a damp track. “But then, it was quite clear that I needed to go to the slicks so we did a pit stop. Those slick tyres, the first lap – first two laps so out-lap and first time – it’s quite tricky knowing the grip levels and knowing how hard to push. So you’re a little bit under it. “Luckily then we got a decent lap in at the end, which was enough of course then to go to Q3. At one point it was not possible any more to try for the slicks. But overall I think we just had good communication with the team throughout Q1, Q2, which I think is the most important, and we were clear with what we wanted to do.” The rain intensified before Q3 began, and the session was red-flagged within a few minutes of it starting after Oscar Piastri crashed. “In Q3, of course, it kept on raining so it was very important to be out there quickly and get the laps in,” said Verstappen. “Of course I had to wait a long time at the end of the pit lane, the tyres are cold, but it does give me clean air and good vision which I guess also helped to put the lap in. “From our radar it said that it was continuing to rain throughout Q3, so we just really wanted to be up front and just wait.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 Canadian Grand Prix Browse all 2023 Canadian Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Father of Mine – 2/2

Character: Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Summary: With the tragic passing of her mother, Y/N learns to the truth of who her father is.

Word Count: 4,100+

Warnings: absent father, subtle violence, mention of family death

A/N: The reader is described as tall in this fic. Bruce Wayne is 6′2 and I’m tall, so I’m indulging myself with no apologies. Read it or don’t.

Part 1

Bruce was working in the cave when Alfred interrupted him.

“Master Wayne, a guest has arrived unexpectedly.”

Bruce gave him a strange look. Hardly anyone showed up to the manor unannounced.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” Alfred added.

“Right,” Bruce sighed.

“She’s waiting for you in your office.”

Bruce found Y/N pacing in the room, refusing to take the seat that he was sure Alfred offered her.

“Y/N,” he greeted, remembering how she disliked the formalities last night.

She whipped around at his greeting. “Am I your charity case now?”

He feigned confusion. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

She looked offended by his lie. “Don’t insult my intelligence. You paid all of my outstanding expenses that my mother left me.”

Bruce opened his mouth.

“Don’t try to lie to me,” she warned.

Bruce closed his mouth.

“Look, I don’t need your help,” Y/N sighed in obvious irritation. “Did you or did you not pay them?”

He took in a shallow breath, “I did.”

Y/N clenched her jaw as Bruce finally admitted his deed.

“I was only trying to help.”

“You can’t just throw money at me and expect it to make up for being a no-show.”

Bruce tensed. 

Did that mean…Did she know?

“You read the letter?” He asked.

“No,” she clarified. “But I figured it out.”

“I had no idea,” he tried to tell her.

“I don’t care,” she almost snorted.

“You have ever right to be angry with me…”

“I’m not angry. I’m annoyed.”

She took a defiant step toward him and crossed her arms.

The heeled boots she had on caused her already tall height to make her be eye to eye with Bruce. 

How many people had faced off with Batman and cowered with fear? 

But she didn’t submit or show any signs of intimidation.

“Do you think I cried myself to sleep every night as a child, wondering where my dad was or why he didn’t want me?” Y/N hissed.

Bruce didn’t respond.

“You think I give a fuck about the father-daughter dances? Or whatever the hell people think dads are only capable of doing?” She narrowed her eyes. “The thing is…I didn’t need you. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now.”

Bruce felt sick as he listened to her.

“I have the sneaking suspicion that you wouldn’t have been there for those anyway,” she added roughly. “My mom loved me more than enough. I didn’t need anyone else. And she made damn sure of that.”

“So I’m not your charity case to make yourself feel better after my mom made it clear she thought it was better to keep me from you, than to ever tell you that I existed. Says a lot about what kind of person she thought you are, huh?”

When Y/N finally stopped, she was taking deep breaths.

Bruce wondered how long she had that all bottled up. He didn’t think anything she said was a lie. Y/N didn’t need him. That had become clear.

She had grown up to be a successful, intelligent, and independent young woman.

And she got that way without a father figure of any sort.

After a few moments, Bruce finally bowed his head and cleared his throat. “I never intended on making you feel like a charity case.”

Bruce saw as Y/N took in a deep breath and the guilt slowly took over her expression.  

“Look,” Y/N sighed, “we finally know the truth. Let’s just…let’s just move on with our lives. OK?”  

Bruce couldn’t deny that the suggestion hurt.

After processing the news over the past week or so, he realized he wanted to get to know her. This wasn’t the first time a child of his had been dropped on him far too late. He had failed Damian in so many ways because of it. 

But Y/N was a young woman, fully developed and independent now. And Bruce couldn’t help but wonder that him being absent from her childhood had only benefitted her.

“If that’s what you want,” he finally told her.

Y/N didn’t know him well enough to hear the underlying pain in his words.

So she simply nodded and walked past him, having nothing more to say.

——————

Bruce adjusted his tie. He wanted nothing more than to rip it off his neck.

But he was on his best behavior tonight.

This year, the Gotham Gazette was given the honor of hosting the Pulitzer Prizes. And since Bruce and Wayne Enterprises donated quite a large sum of money to the Gotham Gazette, they felt inclined to invite him.

Bruce had every intention of skipping, until he found out that Lois Lane was receiving an award and Clark would also be attending.

He figured the least he could do was congratulate her and say hi to both of them.

That’s why he was trying to find them as soon as possible so he could and get the hell out of there.

Bruce finally spotted Clark talking to a woman whose back was to him. All he saw of her was the black dress and y/h/c hair. 

He made his way over.

Clark noticed him when he was a few feet away.

“I see you’ve finally left your cave,” he teased with a lift of his brow. “I honestly didn’t expect you to show.”

But when the woman Clark was speaking to turned to look at him, Bruce swore he felt his heart stop.  

Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, clearly just as surprised at seeing Bruce.

None of this went missed by Clark. “Oh, do you two know each other?”

Bruce didn’t know how to respond. What would Y/N want? 

So he hesitated.

“I shot him for a cover once,” Y/N answered quickly.

She was a shockingly smooth liar.

Maybe she got that from Bruce, too.

But she didn’t realize that Clark could hear her heart rate quicken, catching the fib.

“And how exactly do you two know each other?” Bruce asked, recovering quickly.

“Y/N works with Lois a lot,” Clark answered. “She basically refuses to work with any other photographer.”

Y/N managed to force a smile.

“I should actually go find her and say my congrats,” she answered. 

“And I need to hunt down a drink,” she mumbled. 

Both men caught it.

Clark was rather taken aback by how she fled.

The Y/N he knew was always charming and kind, usually life of the party. He’d never seen her dodge a conversation in such a way before.

As soon as she was out of hearing range, Clark gave a intimidating glare to Bruce.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” He asked Bruce.

But Bruce only clenched his jaw.

“Past fling?” Clark asked with a somewhat disappointed tilt of his head.

“No. Nothing like that,” Bruce quickly corrected.

Not only did the idea make him feel sick. But if rumors started of the two of them being romantically linked, Bruce knew it would only make Y/N hate him more than she clearly already did. 

Thankfully, Clark took his denial seriously.

“She’s not my biggest fan,” Bruce added darkly.

“Y/N is a good friend,” Clark told him – almost in warning. “Lois and her have become rather close over the years.”

Then Clark smirked. “She does know how to hold a grudge though. And she’ll make your life hell...if you deserve it.” 

Bruce’s brain hurt as he realized how easily Y/N and his path’s could’ve crossed. She had been friends with Clark and Lois this whole time?

“I’m happy for her,” Clark added.

“Happy for her?”

Clark looked at Bruce as if it was obvious. “She’s being awarded tonight, too.”

How could Bruce not have realized? Why didn’t he think of looking at the list of people being awarded tonight? He’d been dreading attending so much that he didn’t even consider it.

“Bruce?” Clark asked with concern.

“Hmm?” He was not one to hum or mumble.

“You alright?”

Bruce didn’t have a lot of friends.

But Clark Kent was one of them. And him and Diana had noticed how Bruce was acting off for weeks now. Bruce was notorious for remaining stoic and giving nothing for people to try and guess what he was thinking or feeling. But they both knew it was something different. 

Someone over Bruce’s shoulder suddenly waved Clark over.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Clark told Bruce politely.

Bruce’s first instinct was to leave now that he knew Y/N was also in attendance.

But he knew he couldn’t act so cowardly.

Was he really that scared of his own daughter?

His eyes glanced around the room looking for her.

He spotted Y/N at one of the bars.

Either her conversation with Lois had been quick, or she simply used that as an excuse to get away from Bruce.

Bruce walked up beside Y/N at the bar.

He knew she felt his arrival by the way her body tensed.

“Had I known you would be here I would not have attended,” he told her while looking straight ahead.

Y/N ignored his apology. “How do you know Clark?”

“He’s a friend,” Bruce answered casually.

Then he allowed himself to take a sideways glance at her.

Her jaw was clenched.

He wondered what thoughts she was holding back.

Y/N really did remind him of her mother.

When they were together, Bruce was convinced she was the prettiest girl in the world. He wondered if Y/N had found someone in her life who told her the same.

“Congratulations on being honored tonight,” Bruce offered sincerely.

“Thank you,” she answered shortly.

A beat passed between them.

Bruce was about to give up and leave her be.

“Does Clark think I’m one of your one-night stands now?”

Y/N might not know Bruce well, but everyone was familiar with his romantic history. He wasn’t one to keep the same woman around for long. 

“No,” he quickly answered. “I made sure to prevent such a rumor from starting.”

Y/N finally slowly turned to him, her annoyance clear. “And you’re convinced that he really believed you?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, Clark has always been rather good at detecting a lie.” His tone was so confident that it left little room for argument.

But Bruce knew a losing battle when he saw one.

He dipped his head. “Enjoy the rest of your night. Congratulations again.”

But Bruce lingered, debating if he wanted to say what was on my mind.

“You look very beautiful. Just like your mother.”

There was nothing creepy or contrived about it.

Y/N blinked at the compliment, completely taken aback.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Bruce dipped his head and finally surrendered, leaving the party.

Y/N felt a presence behind her shoulder as he watched him leave.

“Was Bruce Wayne just hitting on you?” Lois asked with amusement.

“No. Not at all,” her tone was dazed and confused.

“He’s a good guy,” Lois told her lightly.

“Doubt it.”

“I mean it,” Lois insisted. “The media has given him a bad image. But I think he likes it that way,” she shrugged. “It’s not easy for him to open up. He’s not quick to trust.”

Lois thought she was building up a possible suitor for Y/N, having not a clue that she was describing Y/N’s father to her.

But Y/N was too busy thinking about how much Bruce sounded like her.

—————

A few weeks had gone by since Bruce and Y/N had run into each other at the ceremony.

It got Bruce to thinking: would he and Y/N had run into each other at some point in life – even without her mother’s posthumously confession?

Y/N knew Lois and Clark, lived in Gotham, seemed to know the same people through her work that Bruce was forced to interact with to keep up his persona.

Would he have sensed a connection had that been the case?

The possibilities kept Bruce up at night…along with the guilt that had already been eating away at him since he first read the later. And he’d read it 100 times more since.

Of all the boys, Dick was the only one that knew of Y/N’s existence. And if he hadn’t been at the right place at the right time, Bruce never would’ve told him. He had just been in shock after reading the letter that he blurted out the realization while Dick was in the same room.

Since then, Bruce didn’t linger in a room alone with him, knowing Dick would finally let all of his questions loose. And Bruce wasn’t ready to answer them.

While Tim was the one to connect them, he never followed through with what the situation was. He already had too much to deal with on a daily basis. Tim simply thought he was doing a nice favor for a beautiful woman. 

But if Bruce had told him, Tim would immediately do every possible background check on Y/N. He would be suspicious of the timing and underlying motives. He would probably assume that Y/N’s end goal was to get money or fame – or both. Bruce knew eventually Tim would come to the conclusion that Y/N wanted neither of those things. But it would still get an unnecessary rise out of the boy.

Bruce didn’t even want to think about how Damian would handle it. He knew his son felt a certain level of pride from being the only blood-son of his. Knowing he had a sibling – and an older sister at that – would most likely enrage him. And that wouldn’t make anything better. 

Jason…Well, Jason would get a kick out of Bruce letting down yet another child. And it would just be worse that she was blood related. He’d be curious about Y/N. Hell, he’d probably be tickled by the no-bullshit attitude Y/N had towards Bruce and her harsh efforts to keep him out of her life completely.

Now, Bruce sat at a Justice League meeting.

They were only a few minutes into a council session when his communicator started going off.

The boys knew not to contact him unless it was an emergency. So, he quickly excused himself and stood to leave the room.

“What is it?” Bruce answered, his Batman voice in full form.

“There’s been an attack at city hall,” Dick reported back hurriedly.

Bruce frowned. The boys had handled much worse things on their own before. There had to be more to it than that.

“Scarecrow,” Dick confirmed. “He released a fear toxin. It’s bad Bruce. The mayor has been infected, along with half of their staff. I think it’s a new string. Our antidote doesn’t seem to doing anything. Even if it did, we don’t have nearly enough for the amount of victims.”

“The others?” Bruce asked quickly – meaning Damian, Jason, and Tim.

“They’re fine. Jason’s trying to get everyone out before they inhale too much. Tim and Damian went after Scarecrow. GPD is in a panic.”

Bruce turned to see Clark had raced to his side. Clearly he had been eavesdropping on the conversation. But the expression in his face prevented Bruce from getting into an argument about it.

“What?” Bruce asked him, knowing something was wrong.

“Lois and Y/N were at that council meeting,” Clark breathed out.

“We’ll be there soon,” Bruce told Dick before hanging up.

—

Bruce thought he knew fear from the few times his boys had been in trouble. But it was nothing compared to the fear he had knowing it was Y/N this time. She wasn’t a trained vigilante; she was just an innocent civilian. Bruce had not insured that she was trained and could take care of herself.

As soon as Clark dropped them on the ground, they were in the midst of the chaos.

“Lois!” Clark yelled.

People were too distracted to notice Superman and Batman had arrived.

Bruce looked over to see Lois rushing to Clark. He could tell it took all of Clark’s willpower not to embrace Lois from his relief.

“Are you OK?” Clark asked as he dipped his head and his eyes raced across his wife’s body.

“I-I’m fine. I got lucky. Somehow I was out of range of the gas explosion.”

“Y/N?” Bruce interrupted. “Did you see Y/N?”

“She was helping these kids get out and I was getting shoved out of the building. I tried to get to her but it was impossible with everyone’s panic. I think she’s still in there.”

Before Bruce could turn to Clark to come up with a plan, Clark flew into the building. A few people finally noticed the presence of superheroes and started murmuring.

“Nightwing, Red Hood – I’m at the front entrance of City Hall.”

Clark flew back to them not even 30 seconds later.

Y/N was unconscious in his arms.

“Oh my god,” Lois muttered at Y/N’s condition.

“She’s gone into shock. We need to get her to the medics,” Clark informed them. “She was exposed to the toxin more than the others.”

But Bruce was already shaking his head. “They won’t be able to help her.”

Clark gently handed Y/N to Bruce as he explained, “There are others in there.”

Just then Nightwing and Red Hood dropped in front of them.

Nightwing immediately recognized Y/N and his eyes shot up to Bruce with worry.

“Nightwing, I need you to take her back to the cave,” he tried to sound as controlled as possible.

Bruce was confused why Dick hesitated to take Y/N out of his arms.

“Do you have the batmobile? I brought my motorcycle,” Dick sounded apologetic when he explained.

Jason stepped forward before Bruce could answer. “I got her.”

As if she were the most fragile being ever, Jason carefully took Y/N’s unconscious body from Bruce’s grip. He could see in Bruce’s gaze that she was someone special. How and why, Jason would figure out later. 

Jason had seen Y/N trying to help as many people before she was completely poisoned from the toxin. She’d risked her life to help. 

Watching Jason cradle her into his body caught Clark off guard, always seeing the brute strength and almost animalistic energy from Red Hood whenever they so happened to fight beside each other.

“Meet us at the cave,” Bruce clarified. “Alfred will know what to do. We have to help out here more.”

Jason nodded before he hurried away with her and rushed to his hidden car.  

——————

Y/N’s eyes snapped open and she shot up, sitting in a cot.

“Hey, hey, hey,” a voice she didn’t recognize said beside her. “You gotta relax.”

She turned to see a mammoth of a man sitting beside her, wearing vigilante gear with at least two guns being displayed at his sides. But it was the red helmet completely hiding his face and true voice that made Y/N feel uncomfortable.

“What the fuck,” she groaned at the sight of him.

Just a few seconds later, two men rushed into the room.

Bruce walked in still in his Batman uniform, but without his cowl – to Jason’s shock.

Clark was beside him, making Jason confused as to why he was still here. Surely he would want to be with Lois. 

Y/N took in the sight before her.

“You were poisoned with a new strand of Scarecrow’s toxin,” Superman explained.

Y/N had seen plenty of pictures and shaky video of him. But now that the man stood before her, she immediately recognized him.

“Clark?” She gasped.

He didn’t say anything. But his expression didn’t fight her realization, just silently waited for the truth to settle.

“Does Lois know?” Was her next question.

Clark smirked at that. “Of course.”

Y/N gave a slight nod.

But now her attention switched to Bruce. 

The Batman symbol was large across his chest, and his cape was still intact.

She looked around her surroundings and then up at the ceiling.

They were in a cave.

“You’re…you’re…” she couldn’t finish her sentence.

“Batman,” Bruce finally offered.

Y/N’s eyes were wide with panic.

How was this possible?

Now that the others had exposed their identity, Jason felt inclined to take off his helmet. Clearly, it was making her uncomfortable.

The hiss of his helmet being removed caused Y/N to finally look away from her father and to Jason, who still wore a domino mask. But it was far less frightening than the helmet.

“We’ll give you two a moment alone,” Clark spoke for both him and Jason.

Jason nodded and stood up from the seat beside Y/N, and walked out. 

Clark lingered in the doorway. “I’ll be right outside if you need me,” he told her.

He might’ve revealed his Superman identity to her, but she was still his friend.

Y/N managed to nod in thanks, but was clearly still shook by all this news.

Bruce very slowly made his way to the chair that Jason had just been sitting in.

“How are you feeling?”

She shook her head. “Body’s sore. Migraine is killing me. What happened?”

“You were more exposed to the toxin more than the other victims. Jason brought you here. We had to make a new anecdote, and quickly.”

Bruce wanted to add that she could’ve died. But he didn’t see the use in scaring her.

“Oh,” was all she managed to mumble.

An awkward silence settled between them.

“Very few people know the truth about me,” Bruce explained.

Y/N’s gaze flickered up from her lap to look at him.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I figured I couldn’t ask you to allow me into your world if I didn’t allow you into mine.”

She was silent.

“Y/N…” Bruce cleared his throat. The time had come. “The reason I left your mother was because I was starting this life. I pushed her away to protect her. I knew I couldn’t be the man she deserved while also being Batman. Had I known the truth…”

His words died out. It was starting to become harder to control his emotions.

He leaned forward in his chair, just getting slightly closer to her.

“Had I known about you, I would’ve…” He cleared his throat to try and hold back his tears. “I never would’ve abandoned you or your mother.”

He leaned back then. “But I know those are just words. And to you, they probably sound like empty promises for the past.”

“She never knew?” Y/N whispered.

In the few moments she was allowed to process this information, her mind immediately wondered if her mom had known about Bruce’s double life all along. And that’s why she kept him away from her.

Bruce shook his head.

“Thank you…for trusting me enough to tell me your secret,” Y/N finally told him. “I promise I’ll never tell anyone,” she quickly added, feeling like she just needed to clarify that to him.

He gave her a small small, “I know.”

Y/N winced as she thought about how terrible she’d been to him all this time. Now that she knew the truth – the whole truth – she was looking at everything with a new perspective. Even what she knew about Bruce Wayne, the spoiled socialite... it was clearly all wrong. 

He used it as a cover. It was all a cover.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you,” she whispered shakily.

But Bruce shook his head before she could even get the apology out.

“Do you think it’s too late for us?” She breathed. 

Could they ever find any fragment of a father-daughter relationship?

Y/N was an adult – she had been for years now. And she made it clear she didn’t need nor want a father.

“Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me,” Bruce sighed.

Her brow furrowed. “This meaning…?”

“My son, Damian. His mother kept him a secret from me. She didn’t reveal his existence until he was nine. And she only did it in an attempt to disrupt my life.”

“This seems to be a rather strange pattern in your life,” Y/N couldn’t help but point out.

Bruce glared at her, causing her to chuckle.

“My point is,” he continued, “I don’t think it’s ever too late.” And he cleared his throat quickly. “That is, if you want to try.”

“I think I do,” she answered with a shy smile.

It was the first time she’d done so in his presence.

“I don’t know anything about raising a daughter,” Bruce rubbed his face as he attempted to make the joke. But she could tell there was sincerity there, too.

“Well, I’ve already been raised,” Y/N laughed.

There.

That laugh.

It brought Bruce back to his teenage years. It sounded so much like her mother. Her face lit up just like her’s had.

“You remind me so much of your mother,” he gasped.

Her face dropped at his confession.

“Really?”

He nodded. “She said you were just like me. But there’s more of her in you than I think she ever realized.”

Bruce saw his much his words effected her.

Y/N’s eyes were shiny with tears, but she managed to hold them back.

“So what now?” She quickly asked, obviously trying to distract herself so she wouldn’t have a complete emotional breakdown.

“Well, Alfred should have dinner ready soon. Would you stay?”

She gave him a tear-filled smile. “I’d like that.”

“You can meet the rest of them,” Bruce told her casually as he stood.

“The rest of them?”

He nodded. “Well, you only have to meet Damian now. You already met Jason, Dick, and Tim in passing.”

“And here I thought you had no idea how to be a father…” Y/N muttered with amusement.

Bruce helped her get out of bed, making sure she was alright to stand and walk on her own.

“Well, depending on which of them you ask, they might tell you that you’re right.”

--------------------

Thank you to everyone who read the first part. Let me know what you think <3

BONUS: This Game of Ours

[astroseri]

The North Node ☊ Through the Signs

What your north node says about you...

Aries ☊ (Also 1st house) 🔥🍃

“I’m learning to rely less on others and more on myself. I’m developing the ability to make things happen on my own. I’m no longer being held back by others. I want to lead rather than play the supportive role.”

Nobody has to agree with me or support me for me to take action.

Taurus ☊ (Also 2nd house) 🧘‍♂️

“I’m developing self-esteem, wealth and contentment. I’m no longer relying on others for sustenance. I’m acquiring material and emotional independence. I’m leaving behind negative situations, debt, and my lack-mentality so I can acquire peace and abundance.”

Gemini ☊ (Also 3rd house) 💫

“I’m starting to unfollow the things others have told me and many things I’ve learned. I am starting to think for myself. I speak my mind rather than follow things I learned from outside sources. I feel confident asking questions and challenging an authority. I’m developing confidence in my intelligence. I no longer have to believe or listen to everything people tell me to do.”

Cancer ☊ (Also 4th house) 🌙

“I am finding emotional fulfillment, rather than only seeking material achievement. I am learning to care more about my wellbeing, rather than how others will feel about me all the time. I am no longer allowing how others will feel to govern my actions. I am trusting my intuition rather than the general consensus. I don’t always have to take responsibility, sometimes it’s ok for me to be taken care of.”

Leo ☊ (Also 5th house) ☀️✨

“I am learning to receive attention and validation for what I say and do, even though it feels uncomfortable to be in the spotlight. I express what I know to be right even if it can’t fully be explained using logic. I no longer need to prove that I am right or be saying something important for me to express myself. I am developing the ability to enjoy myself more and be a source of pleasure to others. I am finding my inner child.”

Virgo ☊ (Also 6th house) 🩰♍︎

“I am developing a more practical approach to life in order to make my immense dreams happen here on earth. I am maximizing my health and self-discipline as well. I am developing the ability to materialize any goal through organization, routine, skills and self-discipline. I am developing the will to serve myself and others with my immense creativity.”

Libra ☊ (Also 7th house) 🐚⚖️

“I am learning to utilize others, rather than carrying all of the weight myself. Sometimes this is difficult to do because then I feel like things won’t turn out the way I envisioned them. I tend to avoid partnering because I don’t want to deal with someone else’s problems... But imagine how much further I’d be if someone was dealing with mine.

I do a lot of things by myself so I’d make a fantastic teammate. But people aren’t aware of this yet because I rarely ask for help. Imagine if I combined forces!”

Scorpio ☊ (Also 8th house) 🥀

“I am learning to experience personal exchanges and deep bonds, rather than keeping to myself. I am learning to give and receive openly, rather than holding on to my security and wealth alone. I am self-sufficient and I feel as though I do not need or desire what others have to offer however I am learning to become comfortable asking for things and being indebted to others. It makes my life so much easier to be able to ask and receive things from someone else I trust. Usually I am always the provider.”

Sagittarius ☊ (Also 9th house) 📚

“I am learning to understand how others think and to acquire knowledge, rather than attempting to figure everything out myself. I am also learning faith. Being able to believe what someone else has concluded puts less pressure on me to figure everything out firsthand but this is hard for me. I tend to overthink. I am slowly opening up to alternative ideologies and perspectives than my own. Listening to what others say is difficult for me but it would be relieving to believe in something for once and not always have to rely on my intelligence.”

Capricorn ☊ (Also 10th house) 🧗‍♀️👮‍♀️

“I am taking a more constructive approach to life. I want to build security and structure for myself and others, rather than relying on the security and care of somebody else. I am learning to put the feelings of others before my own, that way I can acquire their respect and compliance. I want to take responsibility for myself and others so that way I can enjoy the privileges of authority and success.”

Aquarius ☊ (Also 11th house) ⭐️🕶

“I am learning to express my unpopular ideas and opinions and to not be trapped by the need for validation all the time. I’m learning that the things I do matter even if others don’t immediately understand them or see their value. I am becoming a trendsetter. I can convince people that something matters even if they don’t feel it at first. I am learning to stop presenting people with what they want to see and to present them with what they need to see instead. I pursue my unique interests and express my mind, even if I don’t immediately get validation and emotional support. I know I am making a difference.”

Pisces ☊ (Also 12th house) 🦊

“I am learning to find more freedom in life and to follow my dreams. My tendency (south node in virgo) is to resort to routine, work and mundane tasks and lose sight of the big picture. I tend to be overly realistic and logical in my approach to life. I am learning to let go of the reigns or to step out of routine, to get more in touch with my spirituality and creativity. I am learning to pursue my dreams and creative vision rather than always appearing practical or realistic to others.”

Developing an open-minded point of view, rather than getting lost in details . reaching a more meditative state; reducing stress and physical overload.

Thanks for Reading,

@astroseri

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[clavissionary-position]

Fanfic idea dump, volume 1.1

Would love nothing more than to be able to write these one day, but let me at least put them out in the world for now.

Since the AU challenge recently ended, here's some of the things I'd brainstormed for it but then never wrote out because I am me.

(minors dni)

For the Modern AU prompt, I'd wanted to write a fic where Chevalier is an astronaut. He is a French national with the European Space Agency, but he's working with NASA. The main scene was going to involve him dealing with a malfunction while on a spacewalk, because what's cooler than seeing a veritable genius troubleshoot a life-threatening problem in the desolate environment of space? But I need to do a lot of research before writing it. I want it to be at least somewhat grounded in reality, although not filled with so much jargon that it's off-putting to the reader. It would also be really interesting to have the reader work at mission control and be on headset with Chevalier the entire time this crisis unfolds and gets progressively worse.

Also for the Modern AU prompt, I wanted to write a fic where Jean is a late-night news anchor who has to go on one night and report that vampires are real, even though he's secretly a vampire himself. You work at the station with him, and though you don't know him very well, you've gotten closer to him over the past few weeks. One time you made a silly flub during your weather report and caught Jean smiling at you, and while you would have been mortified under any other circumstance, seeing this normally emotionally-reserved man betray such an expression makes you start simping hard for him.

Anyway, in an effort to ease the anxieties of the public, right after announcing the existence of vampires, Jean confesses that he is one too. He gives a emphatic speech about how there are both good and bad vampires in the world, just as there are good and bad humans. Then he implores his viewers, implores the crew behind the camera, that he will do whatever it takes to earn their trust again from square one, but that it's a two-way road, and if coexistence can happen, humans need to show that they are trustworthy as well. And then it feels like he's pointedly looking at you because you'd arrived at the station late that day and confided in Jean that you'd seen a small, starving vampire child had come up to you begging for food, but it had terrified you and you'd run away :') :') :')

Also also for the Modern AU prompt, I'd wanted to write a fic where Gilbert's a master plumber (he was the youngest in the world to have gotten his license, at the age of 18; you even see his picture in the book of world records many years before you meet him lol). He worked in commercial-industrial plumbing for the first few years, then lost use of his left eye in a workplace accident, left the company he worked for and started working as an independent residential contractor.

Ngl tho this fic ended up just being an excuse to put him in black coveralls with blood-red utility gloves, but truly just an excuse for you to invite him into the shower fully-clothed for some intense making out, then some more making-out, then le sexy sex. As a SIDE B to that, I was also thinking about a cozy sort of scene where you're laying inside his van with him, snuggled beside him, watching plumbing tutorials on youtube on his phone-screen. He has one of those high-end tech-bro hyper-phones that do everything because he's an engineering geek.

Also also also for the Modern AU prompt, I wanted to write a fic where Silvio works in maritime search-and-rescue. You get trapped in a dangerous underwater cave during a diving excursion, and naturally I have to throw in a scene where Silvio gives you his air-regulator before you, like, you know, die. This is another fic that is going to take a wealth of research and hours of binging Dive Talk.

Also also also also for the Modern AU prompt, I wanted to write the reader being a commercial airline pilot and Nokto being the flight attendant and... that's all that needs to be said because the story basically writes itself. But if it writes itself, why have I not written it? Writing paralysis my friend. One day!!

Also also also also also, I wanted to write Leon as a tornado chaser, Keith as a coroner, and Licht as a Hollywood stuntman. Fuck those are such cool ideas. Please, my brain! Write these!! Draw these!!

I started writing this post because I wanted to share my idea for Chev and Gilbert for the Celebrity prompt, but this post is long enough :')

[aphrostarot]

The Hermit Pick a Pile

What needs to be illuminated in your life right now, what mask do you wear in public, who are you truly, and how can you embrace who you truly are?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

Pile One (Rose Quartz):

What needs to be illuminated in your life right now?

Knight of Wands:

I think you aren't aware of how fast your life is moving right now. You recently experienced a change in your life that has caused everything in your life to accelerate rapidly. I think that thing was a choice you made. You may have hesitated when it came to making that decision, but now that you have, your life is moving quite quickly.

What mask do you present to others?

Six of Swords:

Out in public, you would much rather have others see you as someone who uses their brain instead of their heart. You think that if you were to show emotions to others then that would give them the ammo they need to damage you. You are a great problem solver, and you want everyone around you to come to you for answers to their problems, not for emotional support.

I am getting strong Virgo energy here.

The Alien:

You like to be mysterious and not fully understood. You want people around you to not know the real you. Your curiosity leads you to become involved in other people's affairs, wanting to solve their problems but never showing who you truly are in the process. You don't let people get too close to you, just close enough for them to be satisfied.

Who are you when you’re alone?

King of Cups:

When you are free from the judgment of others, you are an extremely sensitive person. You have a very kind, loving, and generous nature. You have a pure heart and pure intentions. It's quite different from what you show in public, which is interesting.

The Gamine:

You are quite unconventional. Many times you reject what society wants from you, choosing instead to follow your own path. Your style is quite bohemian and independent. You have a whimsical way about you that draws people in and makes you extremely charming.

What is your potential if you could embrace your true self?

The Star:

A choice you made may have emptied you of hope in life, preventing you from seeing how fast your life is moving towards your goals, as well as who you are. As soon as you begin to embrace who you truly are, you will begin to find hope in your life again. Soon you will embrace your more optimistic side.

Pile Two (Amazonite):

What needs to be illuminated in your life right now?

Queen of Cups:

Currently, you may feel that there are people in your life who do not have your best interests at heart. You believe they won't be loyal to you and will take advantage of you in the long run. Your guides are telling you that this is untrue by bringing this card out. You are incorrect in your suspicions of this person. You can count on this person to be loyal to you and to look out for your interests.

What mask do you present to others?

Seven of Pentacles:

When you are out in public, you come across as a very hard worker. Due to your strong work ethic, you want people to think that you are driven towards success. You are also a very patient person, constantly planting seeds that will flourish in the future.

The Witch:

The Witch strives to educate herself constantly in order to further her success. It is her goal to manifest her dreams and be the strongest person she can be. In public, surrounded by the judgments of others, you present yourself in this manner.

Who are you when you’re alone?

Page of Wands:

Whenever you are alone and free from the judgments of others, you are a free thinker and a thrill seeker. You are always looking for new adventures, especially in exotic locations. You have a very youthful spirit and are very cheerful.

The Career Girl:

Career Girls are driven to succeed and are always striving to climb the career ladder. They are very independent and are willing to preserve towards their desired outcome no matter what. According to your guides, this is who you are when you are alone, and it's very similar to who you are in public.

What is your potential if you could embrace your true self?

Two of Wands:

Once you embrace your true self and start to show your true self to the public, you'll be able to see that this person who you are suspicious of is actually loyal to you. With this person, you will be able to work better together and create a better partnership.

Six of Wands:

Once you do this, you will also have more success in your life. All your endeavors will be rewarded with victories. At this point, all you have to do is accept who you are and start expressing yourself publicly.

Pile Three (Amethyst):

What needs to be illuminated in your life right now?

The Moon:

Having this card come out is a bit redundant but it is your guides saying that there clearly is something in your life that you are not viewing correctly. You are thinking one thing when in fact it is actually a completely different thing.

Four of Pentacles:

Currently, you may feel very possessive over certain things in your life. Perhaps you believe that something terrible is going to happen that will cause it to leave your life. It might also be that you feel others are not worthy of experiencing what you have, which makes you unwilling to share. Regardless of your reasoning, your guides are telling you that these views are incorrect.

What mask do you present to others?

The Fool:

Publicly, you appear to be a very youthful free spirit. You wear the mask of someone who rushes into every situation that life throws your way, never too worried about what the future holds, living in the moment.

Queen of Pentacles:

In addition, you present yourself as a loving, sensual individual. With a heart full of love for nature and animals. You have a very kind heart and love to share with the people around you. You strive to make sure everyone feels comfortable around you, so you do everything in your power to make sure everyone is taken care of.

The Spinster:

You present yourself as someone who is highly independent, preferring to be alone. Some may think you are lonely that way, but you aren't. You enjoy being alone and spending time with your animals and plants.

Who are you when you’re alone?

Knight of Wands:

Your charisma and confidence are enhanced when you're free from the judgment of others. You never back down from a challenge and aren’t afraid to take action. When you are alone, you still exude that Fool's energy, but you are more mature.

The Alien:

You like to be mysterious and not fully understood which is why you rarely show your true self around other people. You want people around you to not know the real you. Your curiosity leads you to become involved in other people's affairs, wanting to solve their problems but never showing who you truly are in the process. You don't let people get too close to you, just close enough for them to be satisfied.

What is your potential if you could embrace your true self?

Three of Wands:

Your guides are saying that once you fully embrace your true self and start to show others who you truly are, you will work much better in groups. With time, you will surround yourself with many people who love and support you for who you are. As a result, you will no longer feel possessive over the things in your life. The closer you become to others, the more generous you will become.

Pile Four (Fuchsite):

What needs to be illuminated in your life right now?

Ace of Pentacles:

You may be unaware of new opportunities entering your life that will be bringing you more wealth and abundance. Or, you may be unaware of the effects that these new opportunities have on your life.

Six of Pentacles:

If you happen to be unaware of the effects that these new opportunities are having on your life, it seems that with this care you are becoming more of a generous person. If you are already aware of your generosity, then you may not realize that it is actually hindering your life right now. You may be giving more than you're receiving.

What mask do you present to others?

Knight of Wands:

When you are in public, you come across as someone who is very charming and confident. Because you don't want others to see the true you, you act as if you are extremely confident. When you are around people, you tend to take on whatever is thrown at you since you don't want them to think you are anything less than capable.

Four of Wands:

You are the party planner, the person who is always in close contact and brings people together. When around others, you tend to be pretty cheerful, even if it's an act. You are known as the friend who is always up for a good time and is always happy, which can sometimes be a burden, especially when you don't feel like entertaining.

The Dancer:

You have a lot of energy when you are surrounded by others and you are willing to freely express yourself. Also, you are always eager to understand and connect with everyone around you.

Who are you when you’re alone?

Six of Wands:

You seem to genuinely show your true self when you are around others. The only problem I am getting is that you tend to overdo the cheerful nature of yourself. You do not want people to think that you are anything less than happy. When you are alone though, you let that facade drop. You are more willing to express your darker side. You, however, are still a very confident person when you are alone. You love being in the spotlight and are a great leader.

The Earth Mother:

You have a strong connection to the earth and this side of you shows when you are alone. You may love gardening, or just being in nature. You have a very sensitive nature which only shows when you are alone or with people with whom you are comfortable.

I am getting very strong fire and earth energy here. You may have Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Taurus, Capricorn, or Virgo somewhere in your chart.

What is your potential if you could embrace your true self?

King of Pentacles:

When you begin to embrace your truest self, and it seems that you are not far from doing this, you will begin to embrace the King's energy. While you will still be very generous, you will be more aware of how generous you are. Also, you will have more abundance and wealth than you do now, which will enable you to fully embrace your leadership qualities.

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[pies-writes-and-more]

infatuation

word count: 1,779

pairing: Bokuto Kōtarō x Fem!Reader

warnings: maybe some swearing, a sad boi Bokuto but just for a bit promise haha also i haven’t fully proofread this so im sorry if it makes: no sense LOL 

a/n: i am falling more and more in love with this adorable himbo just look at him lol. This fic idea is honestly all thanks to @satan-ruler-of-hells​ because they are practically my muse in life so thank you satan ilysm <3 i hope you guys like it! Gif below is not mine - credits to the original creator!

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Bokuto knew from the very second he laid eyes on you that he would love you with every cell in his body. He finally understood what it meant to be infatuated with someone (Akaashi had told him just the other week about the English and Japanese words for infatuation and almost immediately, Bokuto knew that that was how he felt about you). He looked at you and felt like his whole life had led up to this moment.

He spent weeks trying to get on your good side, though you just laughed a little at him and awkwardly slid away. But just like most people, you couldn’t avoid his happy-go-lucky attitude forever. He always seemed to leave you alone if you truly wanted him to, but he bounced around you like a golden retriever, grinning from ear to ear. You knew that Bokuto had quite the reputation to go 110% for anything he wanted to, and so you weren’t that surprised when a bouquet showed up at your desk before school after weeks of him flirting with you.

The volleyball captain stood awkwardly in the doorframe of your classroom as you stared at the flowers, a glow to your skin as you gently touched the petals. You liked him - you liked how honest he was about his feelings, how unafraid he was to show you, you liked that he talked so highly about his team members, that he even told you about some kids at another school that he had mentored for a bit. You really liked him, even if maybe you weren’t as enthusiastic in your actions. You turned to look at him, a smile on your lips making him sigh from relief. He shot you a wink and started to come into the class before Akaashi dragged him away, saying he also had class to attend to. 

When Bokuto finally asked you out, confessing to you with a grin on his face, “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I really like you, Y/N-”

“Bokuto, you left presents for me every day this week and you’ve been screaming it across campus that you like me,” you pointed out with a laugh. “I think I noticed.”

Bokuto’s jaw had dropped but he still managed to pull off that wide grin of his, “Oh! Good! So you got my signals! Would you like to go out with me then? We can go anywhere you like!”

How could you say no to that adorable sweet smile?

Everyone was well aware that Bokuto was infatuated with you, he looked for you at each of his games, spun you around in tight hugs every time he saw you acting like it had been forever since he had last seen you, and you were the second most thought about topic on Bokuto’s mind (besides volleyball, of course).

He talked about you non-stop, sometimes enough to get on the Coach’s nerves and earn himself a few extra laps. 

“-and then after practice today I’m going to go study with her because I’ve got that math testing coming up and she said that she would help me and-”

“Bokuto, you come off real strong ya know that?” Konoha chuckled, shaking his head slowly as he picked up another ball to practice serving with.

Bokuto tilted his head slightly, trying to decipher what his teammate meant, “Strong? What do you mean?”

Konoha just glanced at the team and smiled a little awkwardly, “I mean... don’t you ever think what you’re doing is a lot?”

The captain considered these words for a moment, a furrow in his brow the more he concentrated, “But... how is she going to know how much I like her if I don’t show her?”

“Just be glad she isn’t feeling suffocated by all your over-the-top acts of love,” Akaashi piped in, though almost immediately regretted it. His eyes glanced over at Bokuto, seeing the quick droop in his hair and expression.

“Suffocated?” Boktuo repeated with wide sad eyes. Could it be possible that you didn’t actually want him to do all the things he was doing? Could you actually hate everything he was doing and wish he would be different?

Akaashi tried to insist to his best friend that you obviously liked his actions enough to go out with him so he probably didn’t have anything to worry about, but it all fell on deaf ears. But the next morning, Bokuto decided that if it meant keeping you next to him, he would change how he was.

The next day, you were surprised to find no Bokuto standing at your locker with a smile and an eager story about something that happened at practice. You hung around just for a few minutes longer, wondering if he got held up somewhere, but eventually just shrugged it off, assuming he and Akaashi were busy.

But even throughout morning classes, you didn’t get any text messages, no memes being sent through any social media platforms, no snapchats of his bored expression when he was clearly supposed to be learning.

Was... something wrong? You thought back to the last time you saw him, just before yesterday’s practice, when he had covered your face with kisses like he always did and beamed when you told him you’d see him tomorrow. “I can walk you home if you’d like!” He had offered.

“You’ve got practice in like 5 minutes, Bo,” you rolled your eyes with a smile. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry!”

He had shouted some compliments at you as you left making you laugh more as you waved goodbye to him.

Had something been wrong then too as you hadn’t noticed?

Bokuto seemed to be dodging you during break times. You’d see a flash of his dyed hair and by the time you got to where he last was, he had disappeared again.

Was he avoiding you? Was this his way of trying to break up with you? Your expression tightened into a frown - after just a few weeks, was Bokuto trying to ghost you in the most immature way possible? Sure, you knew he was childish and didn’t like to hurt people’s feelings too much, but you never expected him to try and disappear from your life like this.

You knew he had practice tonight so at the end of the day, you waited by the gym, awkwardly giving smiles and waves to his teammates as they walked in.

Soon, Bokuto’s eyes caught yours and he froze, looking around for some sort of escape. Your heart dropped just a little - so he really was trying to avoid you.

“H-Hi Y/N,” he smiled nervously, slowly walking towards you and trying to see if he could maybe slip past you.

“Are you trying to break up with me?” You demanded, searching his eyes for guilt or sadness, or any sort of emotion really.

But Bokuto just stared at you with shock, his head tilting the way it did when he was confused (which was often, to be honest), “W-What?”

“You’ve been avoiding me all day. And you didn’t come find me in the morning... or at lunch... and you haven’t texted me all day. It feels like you’re trying to run away from me,” as you spoke, you felt a bit of shame growing in you. Were you just being clingy? Were you overreacting for no reason? Maybe Bokuto was just busy today. Maybe he just needed space. Maybe you had gotten used to him being around you had started getting too clingy to him and he needed to get away from you. “If... If you needed space you could’ve just told me.”

“I don’t need space! I thought you did!” Bokuto gaped at you, reaching out for your hand but hesitating and pulling his arm back suddenly. “I thought... maybe you thought I was too much. Or suffocating you with how much I like you. I know you’re very independent so... I didn’t want to chase you away because I like you so much.”

“Suffocating me?” You repeated in surprise. You hadn’t ever really considered that. Sure, Bokuto came on strong but there was a sort of confidence in it that you really admired. You loved that he told you what he thought with barely a filter sometimes, you loved that he showed you all the time how much he loved you because you were honestly sure you were unlovable for a while. But where you felt like you were the darkness, he was a gleaming sort of light. A happiness that you never understood but always envied, a courage embedded in him that you wanted to get to know more and more, a gigantic heart that you could never understand how or why it chose you. “Bokuto, I am... completely infatuated with you.”

Bokuto watched you, his eyes getting bigger and bigger as the seconds passed. He knew that word (now in two languages) and he knew that was exactly how he felt about you. He grinned and quickly picked you up into a hug, squeezing you tightly, “I missed you so much today. Trying to keep away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” he whined, his smile not letting up the whole time.

You laughed and snuggled into his neck, squeezing him tightly, “Don’t go ignoring me like that ever again okay! I missed hearing from you all day. You’re the best part of my day,” you told him with a loving tap to his nose, making him beam all the more. 

“Never again! I promise! I’m much too infatuated with you to ever leave your side again, I swear!” he laughed, emphasizing his fancy new vocabulary and making you giggle. 

“Okay okay, go practice before you’re late. Then you can walk me home okay?” You told him and he jumped up excitedly, running off to make sure that practice went by quick so he got to be with you. You just watched him with all the love in your eyes, sitting in the gym and focusing on how he moved, how he soared, how powerful he was.

As practice went on, you couldn’t contain your laughter as Bokuto scolded Akaashi and Konoha for making him believe that he was too much and coming on too strong, insisting that you were the most perfect girl in the world so of course he had to show you how much he loved you.

His words just filled you up with so much joy, you could barely sit still. You were completely in love with Bokuto, but until you were ready for those words, infatuation really did seem to fit quite nicely.

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