#i also still need to apply for more jobs bc by the time i might get help w that its either december or january at the very least

[guinevereslancelot]

not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol

[luffyvace]

Akutagawa as your boyfriend ☀︎

Umm happy late b day Aku…😭 I’m totally super late for this I KNOW. But! I’m doing it anyway! >:3 late or not :P Plus I Just wanted to write for him since I really like this dude (〃ω〃) (Light blood, death and killing mentions but not in detail)

Akutagawa b day hcs first >;}

planning everything out and hiding it from him is kind of a task. 😅 the guy’s pretty stealthy himself so ya gotta make sure he doesn’t sneak up on you while your prepping things.

Buuut with the help of everyone from the port mafia (except Mori- joking! he does help but Elise does 90% of the work) you planned a mini party <3

Gin got the food! (Figs and tea enters chat)

Higuchi got the decorations! (streamers, balloons, tables, chairs)

Hirotsu keeps akutagawa busy (tea and chatting LOL)

Elise makes the banners (hints poorly drawn dead versions of everyone—extra blood for aku<3)

Kajii makes (lemon shaped) confetti poppers!!

Koyo hosted/recorded it all 💗

Chuuya brought wine and the cake (both were really expensive and tasty good job Chuuya)

Q brought lots of presents!! :3

Annnnd Tachihara! Brought some ~port mafia style~ party games (you played mafia LOL)

now general relationship things 😚

He treats you like how he does Gin, there is peace between the two of you and you have friendly interactions. (Romantic as well, for you) he will even go as far as to do favors for you but we’ll dabble in that more later ☆)

acts of service is his #1 love language. There’s no convincing me otherwise. When I say ‘he will do anything for you’ besides killing this is what I mean. You really don’t have to ask either. I talk about this some more later but, examples: done with your plate? He’ll take it. He remembers you said you needed xyz, he got it for you. You said you wanted to ____ but you fell asleep, so he did it.

hope you get along with Gin because to continue a relationship with him past 2 minutes, you need to. He will never choose friends over family. I stand on that.

honest man.

Its canon, of course this would apply to a relationship too :)

you never have to worry about him lying, thankfullly. the bad news is…this guy isn’t just honest..he’s brutally honest 😀

which he’s not dumb, but he’s also not one to pacify feelings. So say you created something and you’ve been working on this piece for a while now, (whether your an artist, writer, sculptor, something else—whatever), he takes a look at it and singlehandedly points out all the flaws 🧍‍♀️

not in a rude way-

just genuinely telling your mistakes. Which- I know can hurt because you spent a lot of time on it…..but as lest you can fix it now..? 🤷‍♀️

He respects you. Of course he does! How could you love someone you don’t respect?!

why I’m mentioning this then?? Because to him, respect is very important. There’s few that he respects personally and not because of his job.

like Dazai (sorta bc of his job but shh), Gin or Atsushi (somewhat)

And just to clear it up those he has respect for because of his job would be mori or hirotsu

so the fact that you have his respect is a mile stone!! 👯‍♀️💃💃

He’s loyal but it ain’t a fault 😋🤪

seriously tho this dude is still chasing Dazai even after he “disgraced the mafia’s name” and left to the ada

So for you?? This is simply proof that he ain’t neva leavin you, and you ain’t neva leavin him 😙 (I don’t make the rules)

even If he disagrees with your actions/opinions he will talk it out with you 😱

now he might sound a bit upset, and if your acting absolute bonkers rn and need some sense smacked into you- he might yell too. But that’s mostly if it’s for your well being.

other than that, yes the hotheaded Ryuu will calm down for you (that kinda rhymes ☝️🤓)

Bonus!:

living with the Akutagawa’s! ( ✌︎'ω')✌︎

going more into acts of service, you and Gin hardly ever have to worry about chores or errands

he doesn’t really do it for the purpose of your validation, and genuinely doesn’t expect a thank you either

”hm? Oh…it’s nothing.”

Is his response when you try to thank him

he does it because he’s responsible not for praise

although I will say, seeing as though he has a lot of respect for you, as I said earlier, you may get a semi flustered/shocked facial expression

not necessarily blushing, just a expression that shows it caught him off guard ;P

Its not uncommon to see him cleaning around the house and asking if you have any laundry

housewife Ryuunosuke LOL 😂

When goes out to get groceries he asks you and Gin if there’s anything specific you want him to buy and if yes, he’ll get it for you

just like in the anime with Gin, he doesn’t mind doing favors for you as well <3

if you decide you wanna clean up or go to the store yourself he won’t stop you and be like ‘nonono I got it you sit down 🥺’. I don’t mean this in a bad way but he’s not a gentleman on purpose

I feel he’s the type of guy to do things that you consider gentlemanly but he just considers it being polite

oh it’s fine he’s got the groceries 👌

got a order for pick up? Oh well he was going out anyway, he’ll get it 🤷

he’s got the door 👍

don’t worry about the bill he’ll pay it (restaurant or house bill 😉)

another thing…! ♡

sometimes when you and Gin wanna watch a movie but Ryuu’s still doing the dishes….

Rashomon!

do the dishes :3 (while he watches the movie with you guys)

I wasn’t gonna write these at first but I’m real glad I did! I love these and finally wrote for our guy Ryuunosuke!!

WHEN I TYPED DAZAI’S NAME IT AUTOCORRECTED FO DASANI AT FIRST HAHAHHAHA

[altsvu]

more than just my intern

pairing: sonny carisi x fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

summary: sonny was eager to take you under his wing when he suddenly realizes he was eager for more…

tw: none i can think of 😅

a/n: y’all PLEASEEEE don’t be mad at me but this was sitting in my notes for ALMOST A YEAR bc i wanted to add smut but it was HARD. so i got rid of it, but if y’all want a part 2, i can definitely do it! also this gif is just *chefs kiss*💋 its so fitting for this lowkey

law and order svu masterlist! ✯ taglist!

✯✯✯✯

“I like you so much, I wish you were more than just my intern.”

“Well, those arrangements can be made.”

You enjoyed being a detective, but you wanted more. You followed in Sonny’s footsteps for as long as you could imagine and now it was your time to shine. You and Sonny had been partners for about 4 years when he announced he was applying to law school. You were there for Sonny when he got his acceptance letter, and when he had mentioned before his acceptance that he was applying to Fordham night school to become an ADA, it had become a surprise to you because you were actually looking at that school, among many others in the area. A few years after Sonny finished law school, you got one of the best news of your life.

“Sonny, you need to come over ASAP.” You said over the phone.

“Why, are you okay?”

“I just have something here that I’d like you to witness.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in 20.”

When Sonny came over, the both of you curled up on your living room couch staring at your laptop.

“I got an email from Fordham.”

The clock ticked slow from the time you opened up the email to the time you clicked on the link to log into the portal.

“Is that what I think that is?” Sonny said.

After you logged in there was another thing you had to click on in order for you to see your application status. Then, a whole bunch of confetti popped up on your screen.

“OH MY GOSH I GOT IN!” You screamed.

You and Sonny screamed and laughed for a few moments, living in the moment. You got accepted into law school!

“I’m so proud of you Y/N. You deserve it.” Sonny said, pulling you into a hug.

“Aww thank you.” You beamed. “And look at you, thriving as an ADA already. If anything I’m proud of you!”

Sonny also had a wide smile on his face. “It’s no easy thing, so thank you. These accomplishments deserve a little celebration, dont’cha think?”

“Oh yea,” You agreed.

And with that, your life changed.

•••

Fast forward a few months, you went through orientation and all those get to know you stuff and you were now taking your official classes. Sonny on the other hand was doing great as an ADA and you were extremely happy for him. Juggling law school and working as a detective, not to mention you got promoted, was something you were learning to handle one day at a time. You didn’t know how Sonny did it.

Throughout the semester, Sonny occasionally popped by to check on and see how everything was going, and he even helped you with some of the classes that he previously took. When you had your spare time on the job you went to visit Sonny to see how he was handling Hadid and the cases he had to work with. On the days he had to work late to prep for trial, you were reluctant to leave him, you were curious about this aspect of being an ADA. He gave you advice and other words of wisdom that you kept with you throughout your time in law school.

A year and a half passed by and Sonny was taking off with his career and you were still in school, doing everything you could to get high grades in your classes. On top of that, dealing with all the changes Manhattan SVU was going through was taking a toll as well. It was about that time for you to start gaining experience. Sonny let you sit in cases, live cases, in the courtroom, as you took notes on his techniques, just as he did when he learned from Rafael.

“You know, you might as well be an ADA now with all these cases you’ve sat in with me.”

“Not yet, Counselor. Give it about two more years. For now, I’ll be your little intern.”

That brought a smile to Sonny’s face. “Intern, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“If you’re serious about it, I can make arrangements with the DA… it can be your part time.”

Your eyes widened. “Sonny…”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to act on it right away, I just want the best for you. I didn’t get the chance to do this, but I want you to have it.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you hugged Sonny.

“Thank you. Seriously, for everything.”

“Of course. Anything for my partner.”

•••

After many conversations with the DA’s office, the bureau chief, and even Benson, you got your official position as ADA Sonny Carisi’s intern. Part time internship kind of situation. It was needed as one of the requirements for one of the classes you were taking so it fit.

Your days consisted of looking over some of the cases Sonny had on his docket, taking notes for your own practice, as well as observing during cases. You did get paired with other ADA’s on the eighth floor, but you always drew yourself towards Sonny.

•••

One night, you were in Sonny’s office looking over a case with him when he decided it was best for the both of you to have a nightcap.

“Hey, you’ve been taking notes on that case file for a while. Unwind with me.”

You looked up and saw Sonny pull out a bottle of wine and glass cups. You watched him pop the bottle open and pour the red liquid in both of the cups. He handed one of them to you, hoping you would accept it. You sighed, plopping the case file on the table. Taking the glass with a smile on your face, you followed Sonny to the couch he had in his office.

“You know, I don’t think I ever told you this, but it’s beautiful how dedicated you are to becoming an ADA.”

“Aww, you think so?”

“Yes.”

“I appreciate it a lot. I think a part of it was also your doing. You inspired me to go further in my career. Further helping victims of all walks of life that don’t have a voice of their own, victims that want to be free from the shackles of their toxic situations, victims that are tired of their bodies being used forcefully for sexual desires.”

“Maybe I did inspire you. You’ve really been a great advocate for everyone that walked through those precinct doors and it shows.”

“Cheers to that.” You smiled, raising your glass.

Sonny clinked his glass with yours and smiled. “Cheers.”

“I’m glad you’re my intern.”

You raised an eyebrow, setting your glass down. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I get to spend more time with you, for starters.”

“Mmm, yeah, I miss you at SVU sometimes. It’s not the same without you.”

Sonny nodded. “I get that.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, just completely comfortable silence and long looks.

“I like you so much, I wish you were more than just my intern.” Sonny admitted to break the silence.

You were startled at first, but then a smile crept on your face as soon as you knew what he meant.

“Well, those arrangements can be made.” You whispered. You took one more sip of your wine and scooted closer to Sonny.

“Oh yea?” He said in a hushed tone, moving closer to you as well. At this point, the both of your thighs were touching each other. You felt a major spark between you and him. You were feeling a certain type of way and it wasn’t from the alcohol.

“Yea.” You whispered.

Sonny gently took your face in his hand and kissed you.

After the kiss, the both of you were smiling, holding each other’s faces in hands and touching foreheads.

“I want more,” you said. “That was beautiful.”

“Beautiful indeed, my little intern.”

✯✯✯✯

taglist: @detective-giggles , @lapaquerette , @itsjustmyfantasyroom , @ssaic-jareau , @averyhotchner , @blackbeautifulqueen , @redlipstickandplaid, @storiesofsvu , @hotchsbabygirl-blog, @deiondraaa, @wandas-wife , @ellevandeberg

[cool-person-yey]

ok but what are the puter voices trying to say????

or: my theory on what the fuck Chester&Norris have going on

so first of all, the voices are trying to communicate with the OIAR through reading the incidents, that's something that basically everyone has noticed, now here's the thing: what are they trying to say?

we only got one Augustus case ( at the moment I'm writing this) so I'm gonna leave him out of this.

anyways, now to the good part, first off let's start with our favorite whiny little toad:

Norris

Norris speaks in episodes 1, 3, 8 and 12

my theory is that Norris is trying to warn them of the consequences their actions (and choices because this is the "at the end of the day, you just need to make a choice" podcast) could have.

in episode 1, this one's a bit obvious, but it shows the consequences ( only " some parts" of their loved one coming back) of them trying to get the person they loved back.

in episode 3, it shows the consequences ( the guy turning into a fucking tree) of the ' statement giver' ( can't think of a better name sorry) killing his ex.

in episode 8, this one I'm not 100% sure tbh, like yeah the consequence is the guy getting a part of their body eaten, but the cause I'm not so sure. maybe the fact they accepted to go in the building ( even if they didn't understand why they did it. something something even if the choices are shitty you still made a choice), or maybe something relating to the ex-wife they mentioned earlier in the incident? that'd be a bit of a far reach, but I'm not discarding anything. It could also be just the fact that they applied and got hired for the job.

in episode 12, the consequences ( whatever the fuck that was. I'm still not over that) of Gwen giving Mr Bonzo that envelope. do i even need to say anything else?

now, to our beloved Archivist Spooky Computer Voice!

Chester

Chester speaks in episodes 1, 5, 7, 9 and 11

my theory is that Chester is trying to warn them to not fucking mess with that type of stuff, and if you're going to, fucking be ready

in episode 1, this one's a bit obvious, RedCanary choosing to explore the magnus Institute, and that resulting in... well, we still don't know yet it but it sure as hell didn't go well. that was a very clear " do not go to the fucking magnus institute manchester" and what did they do? go to the fucking magnus institute manchester

in episode 5 a warning about being desensitized to horror, the characters ( especially Alice) have mentioned dozens of times how they just don't get scared that much anymore, that episode was showing that that isn't always a good thing. also the more obvious don't trust spooky shit but eh

episode 7 it's a bit tricky, I'd say it's a warning to either a) hiring new people (aka Celia? maybe Chester doesn't trust her? idk) or b) trusting people, just like, in general?

episode 9, a warning about making choices, and how ppl are gonna make shitty choices bc they're in shitty situations— but hey, at the end of the day, you still made a choice. or simply about Spooky Artefacts™

episode 11 this one seemed to be very much targeted at Alice, and it seems to be warning her about the paranoia that a paranormal experience can give you. And considering Alice's earlier comment about being followed, I'd say the tattoo being the boat bring hunted by something is definitely something to consider.

but well, this is just a theory, a magnus protocol theory.

seriously tho, i love this initial point of every series cuz i can just make up a lot of connections that in the future prob won't make sense but like, we don't have shit so might as well make up our own lmao.

that being said, maybe i got a few things right! only time will tell. my goal is to say as much random theories as i can until i get atleast one (1) thing right.

thanks for reading all of this, and if you have any addition that you'd like to make feel free!

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Heathers Candy Store AU

This is another completely random AU that I thought of

An alternate title is The Heathers bribe Veronica with candy AU

In this AU Veronica never meets the Heathers in the bathroom and so she never joins the Heathers and stays a loser

She graduates and goes to a college near Sherwood with Martha and Betty

She moves into an apartment with them and to make rent she starts looking for a job

After a bit of searching she sees that there's a job opening at a store called Heather's Candy Store and she thinks 'why not its a candy store how hard can it be'

It turns out she got the name of the store wrong

Its actually Heathers' Candy Store

If she had saw that then she would never have applied

She shows up one day after she gets called in for an interview

Its a quaint little store in the Sherwood Mall, its not super big but it smells amazing

She goes in and who is at the register but Heather McNamara

Veronica does a double take whenever she sees her and she prays that she doesn't recognize her

She doesn't

She goes up to Mac and explains that she's here for the interview and Mac yells for Heather to come out bc the interviewee is here

At this point Veronica puts two and two together and realizes that the name of the store is not Heather's but Heathers' and that this is the Heathers' store

She debates just bolting but she decides to just go to the interview and then politely decline the job and look somewhere else

While she's waiting she looks around and she sees Duke working behind a glass screen making some kind of candy

At this point she's just more confused that the high school bullies opened up a candy store at the mall instead of like, she doesn't know, getting rich people jobs or just living off their parents wealth

Then the mythic bitch herself, Heather Chandler, walks out of the back room and Veronica's suddenly taken back to high school, doing everything in her power to keep her head down and stay out of the warpath of the color coded cunts and to protect Martha and Betty from their wrath

Internally panicking, she awkwardly shuffles into the back room, wishing the interview was over already

She expects to be relentlessly grilled about her qualifications and what she can bring to their store and laughed out after she gets rejected

Instead Chandler comes to her with a pleasant attitude and smiles and tells her how they would be happy to have her at their store

Veronica is taken aback at the emotional whiplash and she wonders if she entered an alternate timeline where the Heathers are nice

She still initially wants to reject the job offer because she's not fully sure if this is a troll and she doesn't trust them despite their friendly demeanor

But then Chandler tells her about their flexible working schedule, decent pay and free candy with every shift

Veronica takes a moment to think about it and she realizes that this is probably the best deal she's gonna get as a college student seeking part-time work so against her better judgement she agrees to work there

Also the free candy is a good incentive too, she has a big sweet tooth

She goes back to her apartment and tells Martha and Betty about how the fucking Heathers opened a candy store and they are just as shocked as she was

They both think that this is a trap of some sort and she needs to quit but then Veronica tells them about the pay and free candy and they admit that those are good benefits

Martha pulls her aside later and tells her to be careful, the Heathers might try and trick her like they did with her and a fake note from Ram during homecoming last year

Fast forward to her first day of work

She arrives at the store when the mall opens and she gets her uniform which is like one of those classic striped ones

Everyone's is color coded obviously

The way the store is set up is that Mac runs the register bc she has people skills, Duke is the one who actually makes the candy, and Chandler does the administrative stuff plus paperwork and all that other bs

The plan is to teach Veronica both the register and how to make candy in the event that Duke or Mac can't work or need extra help

To say it goes poorly is an understatement

For the register, Veronica has no real idea of what she's doing and theres all these different measurements and prices she has to remember and the store is much busier than expected so she had less time to learn than expected

Mac is constantly having to come over and show her something or fix a mistake she made

They decide to move her over to the making candy part and somehow she does even worse

She mixes up a lot of things and ruins a few batches of different stuff

By the closing she feels super embarrassed that she couldn't do some simple stuff and she's pretty sure she's gonna get fired, especially considering that she screwed up in front of the Heathers

But to her surprise the Heathers apologize to her

They say they should've known that Saturday was gonna be a busy day and not a good day to start her training and they take the blame for her failures

They say they're all gonna come in early tomorrow and teach her right this time

Veronica is just dumbstruck that the motherfucking Heathers actually apologized to someone and just goes uh huh yeah before running off

She goes home and tells Martha and Betty and they're convinced that the Heathers are gonna pull some kind of trick to get their revenge for her messing up

Veronica is not fully convinced, sure the Heathers were mean in High School, well mean is an understatement, they were downright evil, but they were still just teenagers and they have had time to change

Even still she goes into work the next day keeping an eye out for any funny business

She goes in half expecting to see the Heathers just standing there ready to laugh at her

But instead they take the time to teach her everything and point out little tips on how to remember certain things

Mac even took the time to print out a sheet and tape it next to the register with all the prices and instructions on how to ring up different candy

Veronica is the first employee they've had and so they didn't really realize that a new employee would need time to learn the ropes

By the time they open Veronica has a handle on most things and while she still needs a little help here and there she's got a hang of most things

From then on things start to improve

While they work the Heathers talk to her about whatever and she learns a lot about them

She learns that Mac loves animals and has a pet rabbit named Munchkin and that she donates a portion of the profit to the local animal shelter each month

She learns that Duke likes to read classic books but they also bond over their shared love of all things creepy and just plain weird

And while she doesn't see much of Chandler she learns that she is truly dedicated to their business and that she really just wants to make candy that people will enjoy

Every day she comes home with her bag of leftover candy which her and Betty and Martha just consume

Things are looking up that is until she sees something she probably wasn't supposed to

She came in early one day bc she just happened to get to the mall early one day and she sees Mac and Duke making out on the counter

She quickly walks away and prays that they didn't see her, which luckily she didn't

She assumed the Heathers were just allies, they didn't strike her as gay, but she knew they weren't homophobes because they had made some rainbow candy and specifically sold it as pride

In hindsight that and the color coded outfits should have tipped her off but at the time the idea that the Heathers were anything but straight never crossed their mind

***Break bc word count limit is stupid***

If they would have been out at Westerburg they would have been even lower on the totem pole and Veronica and her friends, so the very idea that they were gay was unthinkable

She's a little awkward around them for the rest of the day but she eventually forgets about it and moves on

That is until a few weeks later the same thing happens but this time its Mac and Chandler that are making out

Luckily they don't see her either but Veronica is outraged that Mac is cheating on one of them, she doesn't know which but she's angered on behalf of whichever one

She's really cold to Mac that day, she doesn't respond to her attempts to make conversation, etc.

This really upsets Mac bc she doesn't know what she did or why Veronica is being so cold to her and eventually she starts crying

This pisses off Duke and Chandler and they demand to know whats Veronica's damage

Veronica admits that she saw Duke and Mac kissing one morning and this morning she saw Mac and Chandler kissing and that Mac is cheating on one of them

They all look at her and then they all just start laughing

Veronica is super confused as to why they are laughing at this really serious thing

It takes a few minutes before Duke calms down enough to explain that they're all in a polyamorous relationship which they explain to her is when multiple people are dating each other which the other's consent

Veronica goes ohhhhhhhh and apologizes to Mac which she accepts saying that it was perfectly reasonable, if she didn't know and saw what she say she would act the same way

They decide to tell her the story of their lives and why they decided to open a Candy Store

They assume she went to Westerburg and that's why she was so weary of them in the beginning (Veronica didn't notice they picked up on that) so they made an effort to be nice and welcoming to her to show that they've really changed since high school

They say that they've all been dating since Junior Year, Mac and Chandler since Freshmen, friends for years before that, and that they've always had a dream to open a Candy Store and just make and sell candy all day

Candy makes people happy and its just plain fun to make and in a way it makes them feel better about how they acted in school, they've hurt a lot of people but with their store they can put some good back into the world

Another first but they apologize to her for how they acted in high school, they didn't do anything to her specifically but they know how awful they were, but it was a kill or be killed situation which Veronica understands

She tells them that while she accepts their apology, there's someone else that they really need to apologize to, her friend Martha

The Heather's eyes widen as they remember who Veronica is

They tell her that one day they will apologize to Martha and explain everything, and Veronica says thats good enough for now

Now that the secret's out the Heathers are a lot more affectionate with each other around Veronica and it starts to make her feel a certain way

As a bisexual disaster herself she's always thought the Heathers were attractive, but with how genuine they were with her and how clear it was that they had changed and were remorseful for how they acted back at school she starts to develop feelings for them

As it turns out the Heathers also feel the same

It starts out with light flirting, just jokes that they say they can make now that the secrets out but it slowly turns into something more

Mac was always physically affectionate with everyone, but her touches start to linger and little longer than usual

When her and Duke talk about whatever and she makes Duke laugh and she looks Veronica in the eyes and it lasts just too long to be friendly

And she sees Chandler watch her interact with her gfs with this small smile on her face

Eventually there comes a day where things are really slow and her and Mac are standing at the register just talking and she makes Mac laugh and when she calms down she leans in for a kiss

Veronica, on autopilot bc this pretty girl is kissing her kisses back until her brain wakes up and goes 'VERONICA YOU IDIOT SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP' and she pulls away

Neither Duke or Chandler seem mad, they're more annoyed with Mac and they're like 'goddamnit Mac we weren't gonna tell her yet' and Veronica is just so confused

Basically they admit to her that they've liked her for a while now and they were planning to make this whole big surprise involving a crap ton of candy to ask her to join their relationship

Veronica, obviously going to join the relationship is like you guys didn't have to do all of that of course I'm gonna join

They decide to close early that day and just spend the entire day just eating candy and making out

However, Veronica knows they'res one last thing they have to do before she'll fully join

She invites the Heathers over to her apartment to finally make good on their promise to apologize to Martha and Betty for how they acted in high school

They decide to do it over dinner, and its really tense

No one is saying anything, and they're all just waiting for someone else to start talking

Eventually Veronica breaks the ice to tell them that the Heathers have something they would like to say to them and before they can open their mouths Martha launches into a rant about how horribly they treated her and her friends and how they tugged at her heartstrings and just layed into them

Once Martha calms down the Heathers begin to apologize

They say how they know what they did was wrong and that they wish they could take it all back but they can't and that all they can really do is move forward and try to make peace with the past

They also tell her their rationale for opening their store, the same as they told Veronica

They also offer her a pass which would allow her to get as much candy from their store as she pleases for free as a sign of goodwill

Martha stays silent for a moment before saying that she doesn't forgive them and probably never will, but she can't spend the rest of her life hating them and that she would also like to let the past be in the past and move forward

Veronica shows up to work a few days later when she is intercepted by Mac who puts a blindfold around her eyes and walks her towards the store where Chandler and Duke are waiting

The blindfold is removed to reveal that the store has a new sign stating "Heathers' + Veronica's Candy Store"

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[dvrtrblhr]

I have anxiety and have been dealing with it for as long as I can remember, although I will note how anxiety works varies for each person, as do ways to cope with it, so what works for me might not work for you. But in general when I'm going through a really bad phase of anxiety I fall back to a few different methods to try and reel my brain's responses to it back in.

First, I try to figure out the root of the anxiety (i.e. upcoming doctor's appointments, applications, stuff at work, family stuff, etc.), and then I run myself through a mental flowchart of yes/no questions such as: Have I eaten recently? If yes, move on to next question, if no, go get a snack. When did I last drink water? Dehydration can exacerbate anxiety, so it's always good to go get some water. Is [thing that is causing the anxiety] something I can do something about right now? If yes, then I go on to ask, "What needs to be done to resolve the issue and what are the exact steps I need to take to get that done?" If no, the thing causing my anxiety is not something present me can deal with, then I tell myself there's logically no reason to be wasting energy stressing over future me's problems or over problems that I have no ability to change, and I will deal with what I need to deal with when the time comes.

Whether the underlying cause of my anxiety is something only future me can deal with, or if it's something that is simply out of my control in general (i.e. general state of the world, possibility that the company I work for might go under, etc.), I know I'll still be anxious about it bc that's how my brain's wired, for better or worse, so to ease the anxiety I start coming up with step-by-step plans. For example, if my company goes under and I lose my job (something out of my control), then what are the steps I need to take afterwards? I start coming up with plans based on my knowledge.

(i.e. Plan A) If I cannot find a new job before getting fired, I should try to secure whatever documents I need to apply for and collect unemployment so that I still have some income while I search for a new job. Plan B) If I am given enough notice ahead of time to search for new jobs, or after applying the steps of Plan A, I already have a list of local businesses that I've seen hiring banners/signs for, and a list of various jobs offered around my state which I can then start applying for. I have this list of jobs ready bc I have been actively keeping an eye out for new jobs ever since my hours got cut, which is also a type of "planning to deal with an issue" except it's more of a preplanning thing I do to keep my anxiety in check in general).

Basically, for most things that cause me anxiety I spend a lot of time trying to think up potential solutions or workarounds and exactly how to implement those solutions/workarounds. These plans of mine do not always pan out, and sometimes I've had an issue surface that I simply do not have a plan for, but having multiple plans already thought of puts my general anxiety at east, and because I spend so much time coming up with plans for what-ifs, I'm usually observant and adaptable enough to find a solution to unexpected problems bc I have slowly built up analytical problem-solving skills over the course of my life through these planning mental exercises.

Both for figuring out the underlying cause of my anxiety flare up, and for drafting plans, I have to talk myself through my anxiety and really turn it over in my head a lot. Sometimes I try to imagine explaining why I am anxious to someone else, and the dialogue in my head helps me sort out the facts, but sometimes it's more like going through a checklist (have I eaten recently? when did I last drink water? am I having any physical issues like IBS that might be setting off my body's warning system? how much sleep did I get last night? etc.) and going over facts (lots of rumors at work lately, seen some weird posts online recently, haven't talked with friends in a hot minute, etc.). And sometimes the process of talking things out w/ myself will help me calm down.

Unfortunately sometimes no matter how many backup plans I have or how much I understand the cause of my anxiety, an issue will sometimes still cause me a great deal of anxiety. In these cases there's a couple of things I can still do. One is to try and step back and figure out if my brain is going haywire (i.e. asking "Am I really in danger of [thing] right now?"), and if I can get that clarity I can tell myself, "Okay, the anxiety part of my brain is overreacting, I am not actually in danger but I can't turn off that part of my brain that thinks I am." Sometimes figuring out that my brain is overreacting is enough to help the more rational and logical parts of my brain take over so I can sort of ignore the anxiety part until it calms down.

Sometimes this doesn't work, so I have to figure out a way to trick my entire body out of the anxiety response (bc I end up holding a lot of tension in my muscles when I'm anxious, which is physically exhausting). In this case I have to do something to actually make my muscles relax, which will trick my brain into thinking the "threat" has passed and the anxiety will calm down. There's lots of different ways to do this, and what works to make a body relax varies a lot from person to person (physically intense activity or exercise, yoga/stretches, controlled breathing exercises, focusing on certain types of puzzles or games like sudoku or tetris, organizing or cleaning things, drinking herbal teas, etc). For me personally, if I cannot get my body to relax I'll have a cup of tulsi tea, which works as a muscle relaxant and helps me feel mellow, but herbal teas are really hit or miss (kava and chamomile teas are also often recommended for stress-relief, but kava tea is hard to find for me and chamomile tea gives me headaches; some teas do absolutely nothing for someone). So figuring out what will help you muscles relax the most will be a lot more individual, since again, everyone's bodies work differently, and different things interact w/ medications and stuff differently.

Ultimately there's not really a "right" or "wrong" way to deal with anxiety flare ups, and what works varies a lot from person to person, so you might have to experiment with different management and coping techniques to figure out what is going to trick your brain into not being anxious.

Don't feel like you have to respond to this, esp. if you don't feel like any of it applies to you, but I wish you luck with finding a good way to manage and alleviate your anxiety. It really sucks to deal with, but keep holding on, things will change and maybe even for the better.

thank you very much for sharing your processes with me! I found the mental workflow a very interesting aproach i might try. i am, usually, a weird mix of analytical and intuitive. when i'm anxious though, i feel like i can't rely on my intuition as my perspective is 'skewed' by anxiety. in times like these, i really need to rely on my analytical part more and create these sort of mental tools i can depend on, so i don't feel so lost.

i'm actually a pretty big planner nowadays (a tool i painstakingly developed to control my adhd as an adult) and, honestly, it's one of the things that keeps my anxiety in check. though sometimes things get out of control no matter what (sometimes the brain just decides to ignore all previous instructions and go wild). in times like these, i always find important to try out new things, new mental exercises, apps, teas etc. no tool is perfect so it's good to read what everyone does to calm down!

[broodsys]

yelling into the void

my biggest issue lately is a deep fear about my future being uncertain. i'm very disabled, i'm easily fatigued, and i know i wouldn't be able to do any kind of "typical" job, although i might be able to do a full-time office job, but it'd wear on me a lot at the same time, esp re: getting there and back

but i don't think that, realistically, i can just... avoid having a job. i need to work

and part of my big spiral lately is that i recently found one job that actually seemed feasible, and, bonus, like something i'd actually enjoy doing and had some experience with. i knew it was unlikely that i would get it, but i still hoped, y'know? i just really wanted this one thing to go my way. but, no. got rejected for it. and i've been really bad about applying around, but it feels so pointless, y'know? like there was a time i was submitting 40+ apps and getting nothing. so now i'm being choosier and trying to do better at them but it's still getting me nowhere

and i'm just. really scared and exhausted and demoralized

i've thought a lot about applying for disability, but there are a lot of limitations if i go that route. plus it would be a Process and i'll probably get denied multiple times and may have to fight to retain my coverage and all these other things

and yknow. unmedicated adhd sucks. it sucks! i have so much trouble doing shit but i'm wary of getting medicated rn because of the shortages and all, and i honestly think it'd be worse for me to find something that works and have it be taken away than to continue on with all my weird structures and routines that sorta-kinda work

add to that a lot of continuing tensions in my household, a lot of... i won't get into it, but health risk factors also in my household... and a serious inability to prepare food and eat well regularly that isn't even so much linked to my disabilities as it is to my family situation, it just sucks. it's hard af and there doesn't seem to be a way out except a job... which i can't get

and what's extra frustrating is that i actually want to work. i think having a job, so long as it's something i can do wrt my disabilities, would help me a lot, even aside from relieving the fear. i do much better with external structure. i try to build my own strict routines and that does help, but external stuff has always worked better for me. i've thought about returning to school but finaid is already a little :/ about giving me more money bc i've gone through the dental assisting program only to immediately return to school to get my BA, plus honestly i wouldn't even know what to do besides use school as an intermediary external structure

but i want to work. i want to do things. and in an ideal world, i want a job that lets me help - people, the environment, whatever, just to do some good. i want money that i can donate to causes. i want to have a sense of even relative security in my life and future. and i can't get that by doing nothing but holy shit doing anything feels so pointless rn

so yeah, that's the biggest, most immediate hurdle i gotta get over now. have to pick up my hope or at least my stubbornness and try again and fail again and try again anyway and it sucks so much and i'm so tired but there's no alternative

[rgr-pop]

we had literally just had a user services meeting where my supervisor said the library decided not to put any high time sensitive stacks project on the agenda for the summer. she was like please use your vacation time!

the next monday at 3pm our director read our meeting notes, became mad, and decided unilaterally to assign us (just me and my supervisor plus my students if i have them) to shift the whole general collection by august starting now. more or less out or nowhere (i spent last summer and fall outliningwhat we’d need to do and getting trained up while i was creating a whole oversize collection from scratch but was told up til a few weeks ago that it wouldn’t go on the calendar—primarily because we don’t have the staff.)

we asked for the plan and he said “shifting ldoesn’t need a plan. just move the books. distribute the evenly across the shelves with each shelf at 60-75% fill capacity.” (WHICH and okay math?)

please if you’ve ever planned or participated in a collection shift chime in. not sure i can possibly explain how deranged this is

fun fact TS isn’t sure how many volumes are in our collection due to not being inventoried in about a decade. the director didn’t have a sense within 10,000 of how many books he was asking us to move even if a shift was just moving books from one location to another (it’s not). we were gonna focus on missing and inventory over the summer (fun fact we have a missing list about SEVEN PERCENT OF THE COLLECTION!!!) it’s good practice to always measure the materials on the shelf for a shift but it’s essential when you don’t have a well maintained collection— the other way we would make the estimation of how to distribute a collection evenly would be to use a formula estimating volumes per linear inch in various collection types. but again we have a 7% missing collection lmao

so over the past two and a half workdays i’ve been working a 10 page project plan all by myself — planning stacks projects is not my job. i’m still a clerk with some extra technical duties on paper. i make about 24k in a year working part time. the people doing this task at msu make 2-3 times what i make. there are two administrators above me, one who is lying about the work itself and being insane (also the worst at his job or anyone alive), the other doesn’t know how to do any of this. and she’s dedicated herself to getting caught up and this makes me feel a million times better but in theory on principle i should not do this (he will make me “move the books” regardless sooo)

we have this thing in my unit called responsibility dollars you can apply for to get a small bonus for a project outside your job description. if i was full time i would be eligible for an extra $3.25 or so, but as part time i can only get $1.20. so onward requesting my $33 per week summer stipend.. my director might block admin from approving it because he doesn’t believe a plan is required. i should just move the books! (google how to plan a library shift if you’re interested in my work)

anyway the problem is that i really enjoy doing this and would love to do a good job at it. it’s not happening in august lol be real. what rows this man want us speed shelving for. TO WHAT END?? WHY?? i will see this through and start applying to archives jobs—the real core of the “thrown into the most chaotic situation imaginable and plan a lil system” field—it’s what i’m good at and i’m putting this stupid shit in my portfolio. all i actually want is to not have my work openly disrespected by a man who wants the library to literally crumble because he hates queer people so much ! he still by the way refuses to speak directly to me or read anything i produce 🤷‍♀️

my supervisor texted me this morning at 11 am asking me if i was at work (i was in the staff kitchen and didn’t see it til hours later bc i was AT WORK not ON MY PHONE and she didn’t use work communication) so now i’m paranoid that they’re watching my time, which is insane bc i’m so much more productive… he tried this last year too around the incident. challenged some hours i worked out of nowhere and said he didn’t remember me being here and i was like ok there’s nothing i can do to demonstrate that?? so i had to take hours i worked off my timecard. to my knowledge no one else but me is required to do time tracking or has had their time challenged —only Me who accused him of homophobic retaliation and got disciplined for it and can now get fired for any reaaaason :’) so anyway i worked til 11 pm monday and i will be here til 8 every night the rest of the week due to paranoia

[whoslaurapalmer]

my cousin's wife came over today and we all talked a lot and. I do feel a little better. she was totally open to me owning a house and making that happen if that's what I really want. and lots of programs for low-income to apply to for help with bills. which like I knew existed but my mom and I never applied for them because we always combined our incomes so we always made too much for them. but I am eligibile! and that shouldn't feel scary bc that's literally what they're for. there are lots of things that are supposed to help and that can help. my mom also set her will up Perfectly so that anything we got would go into specific special needs trusts to not affect my brother or my's disability payments, which my cousin's wife will man

her: unless you don't want me to!! it's okay!!

me: well! I trust you!!

her: you got it!! but feel free to fire me too whenever you want girl it's all you and you got this!!

me: THANK YOU.........😭😭😭😭

we all went to the bank and got some stuff rolling for getting my accounts in only my name; there's a lot we can't do yet for various paperwork reasons but things we can do too. Phone calls my aunt can make and I can make. my mom also had a pension, of course, and there's a possibility it might be set up for survivor's benefits, which would. really help a lot too.

me: so you don't need my birth certificate?

the woman at the bank, who has clearly seen things in her time: oh no, but, like, thank you so, so much for bringing it.

my cousin's wife: omg of COURSE your mom rounded up in her bank records so she always had a cushion. god she was so smart

me: !!!!! 🥺🥺🥺...............

(my aunt: she didn't do it to the penny?????

me: nancy, YOUR mom does her bank records to the penny and has literally fucked up her records TWICE

anyway. consider rounding up in your personal bank records, so you always have a cushion. just like, remember there's a cushion, and add some of it back in sometimes!)

(also that made me feel really good. my mom always felt like. people judged her in the family for the way she handled money. and she wasn't always perfect at it either!! but she did a really good job!!!!!)

she also knows someone to help me pick a new insurance plan that will work the best for me. which is a relief. so I do feel. okay. MORE OKAY THAN CRYING ABOUT DETERGENT, SO!!!!! it's. it's gonna be okay. my brother and I had a really fun dinner (egg salad but we both went in different directions with what we added to it so that was nice). I asked best friend to hang out soon. loss is still like. a literal knife in me it's been six days and I want. to show my mom the new cake pusheens (I showed my brother, but he does not have a Cuteness Radar). I want to reread fruits basket but I don't think I can right now. I get anxious and I have to convince myself I'm okay instead of asking her. but that was something I'd been working on doing for the past year and she was really proud of me and I can like. picture the little wave we'd give each other sometimes while sitting in the living room together. I found a video she recorded of me on her phone last year when we were talking and I love that video a lot. my brother is loading the dishwasher so I don't have to. I got to sing today when he went home for a while and that was nice!! I want to look at my fanfic and finally reblog everything for woevember. I miss my mom. just writing mom is hard. and that's okay. tomorrow still happens.

and I did message my sister, because my brother submitted the obituary today and i wanted to tell her before any of her friends back here mightve seen it and talked to her, on that incredibly off chance. and I did include my mildly scathing sentences, which my brother approved of. and then I blocked her. because I do not have to have her in my life! which! my mom was also fine with!!

aunt linda: you know, it happens in every generation of the vandelays, back to my grandfather. someone just winds up not talking to someone else in the family!! (her own son has not spoken to her for 22 years.)

me: i.....................feel like that's reaching curse standards.

aunt linda got way too excited about that. thanks aunt linda!! 💖

[asexualjedi]

Have to figure out in the next couple of weeks if I want to take the bar exam bc apparently it’s a pain just to apply and like a fight against god to try to get accomodations. And I’ve been trying to get accommodations for the mpre since April so like :/. Pain. Idk. It’s. Haha I didn’t think I could get more disillusioned with the legal system by coming to law school. And like I feel like it didn’t?? Idk. I’m just. It’s just only so much you can see and understand how the system not only sucks but is also designed to make lawyers lose empathy, and like pretend they are above politics even though the profession is inherently political and. Like. It’s a nightmare huh. Like. Idk. I don’t want to be part of such an awful system but like if you don’t then liek it’s all filled with people who don’t care or don’t have the capacity to care. Idk. I think I need to talk to my clinic professor bc she said she came to law school intending to not like take the bar and be a human rights advocate. But ended up becoming a juvenile public defender after being in a clinic. And maybe also like my restorative Justice professor bc she is also very disillusioned by the ideas of lawyers. I feel like I was having this falling apart like. In her class haha. But. It just I thought I’d have more time to decide!!! Like I signed up for a class where you meet lawyers each week who do soemthing different so you can learn what you want to do. But… you can only take it your last semester and it’s like ok at that point you’ve already signed up and paid for the bar exam. And applied haha. And like yeah you can start anything at any age but it feels like. Ok I’m going to be 27 and still have no clue what I’m doing. Like. Idk. But. It’s also just like. Everything you learn about the system you realize how resistant to change it is and how slow it is to get anything down like 7 years on average to pass a regulation for the environment sort of shit. And it’s like ok ok well we don’t have that long on this bitch of an earth. But also like?! Idk. and idk how much of this is me just having bad shit happening with my mom, no free time at all bc of my schedule, and losing sleep bc of both things clouding my judgement. But like ??! I’m going to have to decide either way. I just. I guess I could take it and then decide after wards but like!!! That would be like 3 months of my life studying and like thousands of dollars to study and take the damn thing and like. Ahhhhhhh. This is how I felt graduating from undergrad I was like surely I’ll figure out what I want to do. But then I was just like the world is terrible idk if I can be an artist with such horrors and even if I did I want like health insurance and not to have to find a new job every 3 months and that has started to not be a thing sny the time I graduated and it has only gotten worse on that account since the years have passed haha. Idk I’m spiraling and I have a paper to write and parole hearing to prepare for so I’m going to do my deep breathing. Remember that maybe. Uhhh I’ll have a week after Christmas to make a fun dress inspired by commander cody. God if only I could make silly dresses for a living but I fear my environmental code re fabric purchasing and also my slow nature make that something that wouldn’t work and also again. I want health insurance. Honestly my entire life has me been running from having to be a freelancer and it’s honestly. Just. I think that’s what I’m going to have to do. Law degree or not. Idk. If I don’t be a lawyer. It. Idk. I’ll. Focus on paper lock in. And then. Idk. Get through the semester try to not break down over my mom. And uhhh. I think after Christmas. I might have free time to break down? Maybe I can move some shit around and try to have sometime to figure out what I’m doing but honestly like I’m so busy ignoring that my clinic has me doing shit after the semester ends. Ok.

[johannacantsing]

ok I’ve been having more dental pain recently and my plan was to not have any more dental issues/emergencies for another two years (or more would be great) but ice hasn’t even stopped the pain some nights so obviously I’ve been freaking out bc I only trust one (1) dentist (I’ve had so many bad experiences and now I need to correct all the shit that was done to my mouth) and it’s a ~holistic~ dental office with like mercury free procedures and ceramic implants and all this shit so it’s like walking into the damn waiting room is eighty billion dollars so I was muscling thru the pain (tough guy) until I had (embarrassingly this was my actual plan) more money saved up from my new job that I’m applying for now in Korea AND getting a book deal so I’ll have some capital to put down so I won’t need (quoted 40k) to put the entire restoration on a loan bc 1 they’re gonna get all up in there and it’s probs gonna be some problem that makes it more expensive and 2 a lot of it does actually need to be or should be done at the same time for the best result which sucks the most ass ever PLUS my thought was the more my book deal is the less I need to take out bc personal loans have an insane interest rate 😭 and also I would put some in saving so that if I need help paying the loan each month then I would have something to pull

I did (and still am a little tbh) consider getting a personal loan for the whole restoration and then telling the lender that I won’t pay it back bc I don’t have the money and then it will go to collections and fall off my credit in seven years BUT since it’s such a big amount they’ll probably go after me for it so it’s almost definitely not worth it-I’m like 98% sure it’s a really bad idea but when I needed my first emergency tooth extraction I would have pulled it out myself if I had had pliers and I honestly to god thought about going to Home Depot during the day (good thing I didn’t bc I would have pulled the wrong tooth that will need to get pulled eventually so that part wouldn’t be too bad it just wouldn’t have fixed the excruciating pain and also I told my dentist that and apparently for molars if u don’t extract it correctly u can tear the fuck out of the gums and then u won’t be able to place an implant which is lowkey my main goal in life a little to get my mouth fixed so yewouch! that would have sucked if I ripped both out and couldn’t get implants. I think I might have been able to too which is fucking nuts. like the most desperate of times to be sure but if my dentist couldn’t have seen me on Monday I really might have 😅

I wandered-but the good news is it seems like there’s at least a few holistic dentists in Korea so I could at least get an extraction with the prep for an implant if needed (I’m gonna try to do a bunch more research and try to find a dentist that can do the implants the way my American dentist does them bc even if it’s more expensive compared to the titanium ones or whatever it’s still way cheaper than in America bc this country is a shithole in some ways and that’s maybe number one)

so I’m freaking out a lot less knowing I can get at least the basic extraction and shit done if I need to 😫

[atalana]

okay im sorry but did you seriously just say "'dont let your disability stop you' only applies to things like becoming a master artist!!!" what. in what world is becoming a fucking master artist easier to do than walking. in what world is that not something that a disability can prevent. what kind of fucking logic are you even operating on. lol. lmao

okay you have waaaaaay misinterpreted my words on quite an old post but i do remember the post in question so on the miniscule chance you're asking in good faith let's clarify what i meant

as a disabled person, and an artist, of course your disability can prevent you from going about things in a conventional way. there are some people who will never be able to hold a paintbrush, for example. hell, i consider myself quite lucky that im able to get close to conventional art methods, but i still have to reckon with my dyspraxia, which means im never gonna make a speed paint bc people don't need to know it takes me three times as long just to make a smooth line, or my fibromyalgia, which means i can't sit upright in a chair for more than about two hours without needing to lie down and/or causing me serious pain

but the distinction i was trying to make is that becoming a master artist is not a physical skill. art is inherent to all human beings, and we work with what we've got. frida kahlo painted from her bed. people who are lacking limbs have made art with their feet or their mouths, people lacking motor skills have made art from typewriters, or computers, or made paintings that took advantage of their disabilities rather than being weakened by them

if your dream in life is to become an artist, then you will find a way. and i know it can be despairing, because i'm an actor, it's the only thing in the world i feel like i was born to do. and when i got the fibromyalgia (and was also diagnosed with endometriosis around the same time), i thought i'd never get to where i am because i didn't think i'd have the energy for the kind of rehearsal schedule and flat out show week a show demands. hell i quit my first agency when i was 19 because i couldn't handle the audition notices knowing i wouldn't be able to manage the job if i got it. but i adapted. and i found things that work for me. and i did an entire theatre degree followed by a successful fringe season, and while i may not move as quickly as others in this field, im going to keep going, and i'm going to do more

that is what the phrase "don't let your disability stop you" should be used for. for when you know in your heart that this is the only thing you were put on this world to do, but you feel like it's impossible because you can't do it the way other people do it. what you've got to learn for yourself is that it doesn't matter how other people do it. do it how you can do it. because if this is what you were meant to do, you might as well try

however, what i was criticising when i said that, is that abled people have got a hold of that phrase, and are using it to deny peoples disabilities. if someone can't walk, saying "don't let your disability stop you" is not going to magically make them walk, it's just going to make them feel bad about letting their disability stop them. which is stupid, because disabilities do stop you, that's why they're called disabilities. and pretending they don't exist just hurts disabled people. in either situation, i'm encouraging people to work with what they've got, rather than trying to force what doesn't work to work, which is how one learns to live in this world with a disability (or several)

abled people don't want us to work with what we've got, they want us to do it how they do it, even if it causes us serious pain or injury, or even if we're straight up physically unable to do the thing they want us to do. and those are situations in which i want abled people to shut the fuck up, and in which i want disabled people to know it's okay to go at their own pace, and to do it in a way that doesn't hurt, even if it seems bizarre and backwards to the people around them

also for some people art is easier than walking. we all live in a world governed by our own limits, and trying to fit a cookie cutter mold helps no one

[perks-of-being-a-nurse]

What made you want to become a nurse ?

hey @coldbrewman1 ! sorry I'm not sure when you sent this, I'm not super active on this blog anymore and mostly just post a mash up of things on my main @starfish-enterprise .

anyway! I don't have a super profound answer to this question. I've always been interested in medical things/the human body as long as I can remember. I remember looking at human body books I had as a little kid and stuff like that. this turned into watching medical shows, reading lots of random stuff, and sneakily watching medical reality/reenactment shows when I wasn't supposed to be watching TLC 😆

I've been pretty involved in scouts Canada since I was six going up through the program, and through scouts I had opportunities to do first aid training which I really liked. I also met a lot of amazing people who are lifelong friends who shared my same interests, and starting in highschool I was able to be involved in a "vocational program" focused on first aid and medical training and providing volunteer first aid for camps, scouting events, and community events. I have been able to be part of the medical service for three national scout camps with thousands of kids and it's amazing!

doing this volunteering kind of solidified in my mind like okay something medical is definitely what I want to do. originally I really wanted to be a paramedic, and the year after I graduated from high school I got my emergency medical responder license. I never ended up getting paid to work with that license (I did volunteer,) but I did volunteer under that scope. where I live it can be difficult to make a good wage starting out as a paramedic. BC has a provincial paramedic service, and it's a union (which is great) so it's all seniority based, so getting a full time position in a city can take a long time. on call hourly pay is terrible, and you usually start in a rural area where you might not get a lot of calls, so if you don't get any calls you could make just $14 for a 12 hour shift.

my mom discouraged me from pursuing that for various reasons, and she also really encouraged me to get a university degree, which is what most people do in my family. I didn't want to do just like a random biology degree, because I don't necessarily work well when I can't see a clear trajectory and a concrete end goal of what I'm working towards, if that makes sense. even doing a degree with the goal of med school still has a lot of possible routes to get there, and it's so much school, which is not my favourite lol. I also knew I still wanted to do something medical/health care related, so that led me to nursing! I applied to a few universities in my last year of high school, and I was accepted to nursing programs at Queens and Western universities in Ontario. I almost went to Queens, but I didn't feel ready to go straight into university after high school.

I took a year off, did that EMR course and licensing, worked at a grocery store and as a nanny, and did volunteer ski patrol (more first aid) at my local ski hill.

during that year I applied to my local nursing program which I wasn't able to apply to straight out of high school due to various course credit stuff which they have since changed. I was lucky enough to get in on my first try, which is amazing because there's often a long wait-list for this program. then I finished and became a nurse!

tldr: I like medical stuff, becoming a doctor is a lot of school, and paramedics don't make as much money 😆

anyway, I don't a have a super profound answer or anything, it was just a good career choice that worked for me. nursing wasn't a calling to me, its not really my passion, it's my job. it's a job that I really like and sometimes love, but it's my job, not my life. I think we need to hear more of that because it will help nurses get paid more and change public perception. I'm not nursing for altruistic reasons, and honestly I don't know anyone who is. the narrative of nursing being a calling or whatever needs to change imo.

sorry about my little diversion at the end there! there's the long convoluted answer 😆

[goosegoblin]

Hi jess. Hope you’re well. Asking you this because im honestly not sure who to ask in my life and ive liked the advice you’ve given to others in the past. So im an american poc, 21 and in college, as is my white bf. We’ve only been dating 5 mos but im more in love and secure w him than anyone ever and he feels the same. We’ve started talking about postgrad plans since we’re going to enter our last year of college. He is planning on a phd whereas im going corporate. He wants to live together after graduation and be in the same city. He’ll heavily consider my choice for location when it comes to grad school and wants me to apply to jobs in those cities. I really want to be with him and I can see a future w him but at the same time it’s really scary. Especially the thought of moving away from my state and moving in with him and starting a life together. I feel like im still young. But i also dont want to be long distance, esp because wherever he picks for grad school he will be stuck at for a few years. Are we crazy to be talking about all this and considering living together (a year later) when we’ve only been together for 5mos? Im aware we could break up before then and my immigrant parents will present MANY issues, but there’s hope in my heart that we’ll work thru all of it together. Or am I being delusional and need to chill out? We still have a few mos but I’ll need to start applying to jobs in the fall and will need to figure out which cities by then. Idk. It sounds crazy to me. He could be the one or he could not. I dont know and my heart wants to run w this but also scary to make decisions when we haven’t known each other that long (even tho it’s been wonderful. Not perfect bc many external obstacles but perfect btwn us). Any advice is much appreciated!!! Sorry this is so long

Hello my friend,

I think to a certain extent this depends on how much this would limit your career options. Are we talking about a career where you can pretty easily find jobs in most cities? Or one that's quite niche, where limiting yourself would make life a lot harder? If you weren't moving to be with him, would you consider moving to another state at all, or would you strongly prefer to stay where you are?

A few other things to consider- if you make these plans and then you break up beforehand, will you have somewhere to stay? What if you break up after a few months of living together- who will leave and who will stay? Will you be alright for money? Will you have a support network outside of him, even if not in person? You say there will be issues with your family- if they're currently an important part of your life, will you potentially lose them if you make this decision? Is that okay with you or not? None of these are leading questions, by the way- they're just things I think are worth consideration.

For reference, I moved in with my then-boyfriend and two other people in a shared house after dating him for around six months. We're now married, so it went pretty well! That being said, it was in the same city I was living in anyway, we were also living with other people, and we were both still attending (the same) university. I am sure many people have stories of moving in together early and having it work; I am sure many have stories of moving in together early and it not working (I suspect, sadly, there are many more of these). Nothing in life is risk-free.

I think if you do go through with it, it's sensible to think of and plan for worst-case scenarios- but I don't think this is a situation where I can tell you what's right or wrong. I think it depends on a lot of different factors. Are there friends or people in your life that you could ask that might know you and your partner better? I'm sorry that I couldn't give more specific or useful advice.

Best wishes and lots of love,

xx

[eleni-cherie]

ok nobody's gonna see or care this but I'm gonna rant bc I am sick of my life and maybe someone can relate: so long story short, I'm a 27 year old graphic designer who was working 2 years at a big e-commerce shop until the new asshole supervisor didn't want to continue my contract that expired bc of his hurt ego bc I (along w pretty much everyone else bc he liked to pick fights w ppl from all departments bc he got into everyone's business) dared to argue w him BC HE KEPT CHANGING HIS MIND EVERY TWO MINS AND KEPT CONTRADICTING HIMSELF ALL THE TIME. so I lost my job last October and ever since I'm unemployed. I live in germany (Berlin) so I get unemployment money, but it only lasts for a year and it's already the end of July and I still can't manage finding a job although I've probably applied to 90 jobs by now of which only about 10-15 turned into job interviews - or the new trend "getting to know you meetings". of which only 1 invited me for a 2nd interview. now I get there's sadly so many designers, the job market is kinda oversaturated and for one job probably 20-30 ppl apply. but then sometimes this isn't even the problem. I had an interview for what seemed to be my dream job so I was super excited for this but then when I met the two guys doing it, they were very underwhelming. I mean little to no reaction to what I was telling them about myself and at the end they only asked 3 quite superficial questions. that's it. meanwhile others for companies I'm less suitable for, ask me like 20. then there's this other case, where they give you tasks and I don't mind tasks but one time I'd have needed the whole creative suit for them and like - hello? I'm unemployed and don't have the extra money to spend 60 euros every month on Adobe? I only an old Photoshop Version and that's it. then another time they gave me tasks that were only 40% graphic design related (but very vague descriptions/no real info) and 60% marketing/copyright related and like sorry, but I only have basic marketing knowledge and I'm not a fcking ad writer? there's this trend nowadays, they say they want a graphic designer but what they really want is a graphic designer / marketing expert / social media manager / copywriter / photographer / editor / etc. but still w only a graphic designer salary, so they don't have to pay five different ppl. like FCK YOU!

and thing is, in my desperation I even applied to random jobs (which said "No experience needed" in the description) like vendor or barrista. even in a copyshop where I thought I should fit in bc of my knowledge of print products, but either no response at all or I "lacked sale experience". bc Idk how it's in other countries but here you need a certificate for anything. even for a shop vendor you need a 3 year long apprenticeship. for a moment I contemplated going freelance or self-employed but a) I got no fcking clue how and what I have to do and b) taxes and insurance system in Germany is insane, I read an article and was overwhelmed.

So yeah, I'm getting fed up and sad and mad mostly also very anxious about my fcking future bc it honestly seems like I'll end up just moving back to my parents at this point. idk what to do anymore. I try and try and try, but nothing happens and I'm just done. the pressure is overwhelming and the sad thing is, I purposely decided not to visit my relatives/my grandparents this summer (the live in greece) thinking I "might find a job" and even if not, I don't have the extra money for plane tickets! they're extremely overpriced. and it's sad bc whenever I talk to my grandparents they say they miss me and how they're worried about me being unemployed. and my grandparents aren't the youngest anymore either (83 and 89) and I haven't seen then in a year, so that only saddens me more on top of feeling like an overall loser.