#i also put a little rosemary to be crazy

[kil9]

the secret to good scrambled eggs is to use both black and red pepper #todayswisdom

[carolmunson]

the boy is mine (carol's edition)

you know i had to do it to 'em. if you'd like to take a crack at the 'the boy is mine' writing challenge, you can check it out here. you can also see the masterlist of everyone's works here. a/n: for me, how eddie was fleshed out in FOI has always been how i see him. hurting, but goofy, but snarky, but sweet, but loving, but scared, but all that. eddie 'has taken care of himself since third grade' munson just makes sense to me. in this ficlet, our romantic night in gets muddled when eddie doesn't know how to just let someone love him right. i've also always have written eddie as older than he actually is, so here -- he's 25. argue with the wall. tw: 18+, angst, hurt/comfort, some smutty references but no smut, references to smoking and drinking. some arguing but nothing crazy.

The day was hard on his shoulders and back, no one should be hunched over the hood of a car for this long -- and even being young isn't saving him from the grimace he makes every time he gets out of his bed with a decades old mattresss. Eddie cracks his neck each way while he chugs down the road leading to Forest Hills, slick and shiny with rain from the afternoon. The orangey yellow headlights on his beat up '71 Chevrolet bounce cheerily off the darkened asphalt, but the scrape, clatter, and growl of his engine and whatever else was a stark reminder that this van was on it's last leg. As bright as the headlights were, the gloomy purpled evening sky was a perfect match to his mood.

Today is Eddie Munson's birthday.

For the past few years, Eddie has spent his birthday working double shifts at the auto shop and then meeting the guys at the Hideout to get so drunk he can't see. Can't be sad about your birthday if you're too drunk to think about how your mama's dead and your dad won't call. Can't be sad about how you won't ever get to hear her sing you happy birthday, or put on a record, or dance with you in the living room. Or have your dad make dinner and put the six pack away if only for that night. To not run out on 'a job' or 'work a late shift' where he won't come back for days afterward.

He'd drink and drink until you had to hold him up to get him out of the bar, piling him into the back seat and having the guys follow you home to help load him into bed. He always looked forward to the greasy diner hangover breakfast in the morning where it could be just the two of you, and not his birthday, and not all the awful things he thinks he is.

The gravel groans and crunches when he pulls in at the side of the trailer he used to share with Wayne. With another roll of his head and shoulders he kills the ignition, hopping out of the van and leaning over to grab his bag. It's only when he slings it over his shoulder that he notices the warm glow of the kitchen light on, passing muted through the small curtains. He hip checks the door shut and makes his way up the steps that need repairing -- another thing to add to the list for 'Spring Cleaning' in a couple weeks that he knows he'll forget to do until you remind him or one of the boards rots out. Eddie's ring tap against the metal handle and he braces for the screech of the door, only to be met with the cozy blend of garlic, onion, and rosemary hitting his nose first. He swallows while he kicks off his work boots, turning the corner to see you in the kitchenette, putting the lid back onto the one large pasta pot he has and turning the burner off. "Oh!" you jump when you see him, shock turning into a smile, "You're earlier than I thought you'd be. Hold on!"

"What're y--" He's interrupted by you hurrying into the fridge, glass clinking when you pull out a Mionetto bottle that was already opened to reveal the cork.

"Surprise!" you ring out, popping the bottle with a little flourish, "Happy birthday!" He stands there, unsure at first what he's looking at, trying to take it all in. You in the kitchen with an apron on, the table set nice, a cake set on the counter to cool with a covered bowl of what looks like home made vanilla frosting next to it. To the side, a familiar small notebook lays opened to a buttercream recipe -- his mom's buttercream recipe, still scrawled in her loopy handwriting on yellowing pages with fading blue ink.

"Melvald's didn't have any like, nice cups," you say with a scrunch of your nose as you pour two glasses of prosecco into flimsy plastic flutes, "Is that okay?" "Uh..." he snaps back to reality when you hand him the cup, "Y-yeah that's okay." "Happy birthday, handsome," you smile, raising your drink before you take a sip, he follows suit.

"What is all this?" he asks, voice sounding like it's coming from someone else. Objectively, he should be falling to his knees right now, crying with adoration for you. Sobbing over the clear effort you've put in for a romantic night together at the trailer. "Um," you suck in your lips quickly, and release them, eyes lowering to the scuffed linoleum, "I uh, I made braised short rib and mashed potatoes, some broccoli. Wayne told me that um, that your dad used to smoke them for your birthday but we don't have a smoker so..."

"Why?" The swell in his heart builds from genuine affection to suspicious bitterness, this was way too much.

"Did you not check the calendar today or something? It's kind of a big day," you try to lighten the mood with a laugh, taking the apron off and hanging it on the hook by the hallway, "Sit, sit." He follows your direction, sitting at the table where the place setting is the best it can be with what you have. You even folded up the paper towels nicely. He silently sips on the bubbles, uncomfortable on the makeshift throw pillow cushion on the chair, while you take the plate in front of him and begin serving.

"I should um," he starts, voice gravelly, "I should wash my hands and uh, and change or..." "Yeah," you nod, voice higher pitched than expected, "Go, go ahead. It'll all be ready when you're done washing up." He leaves the glass behind, thudding into the bedroom where he notices a Frederick's of Hollywood bag sitting at the end of the bed. A small pile of gifts in shiny blue paper lay stacked up pretty on his dresser -- a card front in center 'Eddie My Love' - you write it in the same way you sing it to him absentmindedly every now and again. Flipping the lyrics every time. He swallows again, pulling in his cheeks and biting down while he peels off his coveralls and slips into what he was planning to wear to drinks later -- a band tee and some worn jeans. It feels cheap to wear this now, now that you've put in all this effort. Now that you're looking all sweet and put together in the kitchen for him. He rolls his shoulders again, trying to stretch the frustration out. He doesn't wanna be mad at you, you didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't wanan feel so sick in his chest over it -- but he does. All this work for what? Eddie takes his rings off to wash his hands, using the same Dove bar soap to wash the remaining grime off his face from work. Big inhale, big exhale into the towel on the door before making it back to the kitchen where the dinette table was ready for dinner, two tapered candles lit in old holders on the side. He sits across from you, your eyes glittering in the light of the flame.

"You didn't have to do this," he says quietly. Your lips twitch into a half smile, head cocking slightly to the side. "I know, but it's your day...it's a big one, too. The big two-five," your voice doing its best to soothe, "Can't just, I dunno -- get plastered at The Hideout every year..."

"Sure I can," he shrugs with a quirk of his brows, pushing the mashed potatoes around with his fork. He watches the melty pat of butter ooze off one of the edges like a volcano, pooling in next to the broccoli. "And you like that? That's fun for you?" you chuckle before noticing he's just playing with his food, "You gonna eat?"

"Getting plastered at The Hideout is like, tradition," he mutters, looking at the clock over the cabinets, "And we're gonna be late meeting the guys."

"Ed..." you say, a vapor of disappointment floating through his name when you say it. He winces.

"Like I said, babe," he says, "You didn't have to do all this -- y'know, spend all this extra cash on dinner and --"

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to -- I wanted to do something nice so that your birthday could be sp -- " "Okay, well I don't need my birthday to be special, it never is," he snaps, he doesn't mean to, "I didn't ask you to do this for me." You hold your soft gaze at him, shoulders round down while you rest a cheek on your palm. If Eddie's mama was still alive, she'd tell you to get your elbows off the table.

In the flame, your glittering eyes turn glassy. You let a soft breath out through your nose, a sulk clear in your posture. "You're right," you mumble, a soft squeak of a sound while you slowly stand, shaking your head, "You're right, you didn't ask. I shouldn't have assumed that you..."

You trail off while you flick the lights on in the kitchen, leaning forward to gently blow out the taper candles. Your hand swishes away the smoke and soot, pushing out out of the cracked kitchen window before the smoke detector catches it. The cabinets creak while you take out some Tupperware from the top shelves, the good stuff that the ladies in the park sold Wayne back in the 70s. They click and clack as the bowls and trays and their tops hit the formica counter top.

"Well--well, wait -- you don't have to pack it up, babe," he says, sitting up a little taller in the chair. When he hears the shudder in your breath he stands, "You don't have to put it away."

"No, it's fine," you assure, a small strain coming through from your chest, "It'll be like -- you'll be so excited when you get home and there's all this food. I just gotta call the guys and tell them to just go to the bar instead of coming here."

"Whaddayou mean, coming here?"

You turn around, eyes wet now but not crying, a tug on your brow and taughtness in your jaw from where you try to hold it back.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," you shrug, "But like, it's not important. Lemme just pack this up and I'll get it figured out." "What's the surprise?" he asks, tilting his head to get a better look at you. "Well I..." you let out another breath, lower lip wobbling; an action your stop with a sharp inhale through the nose. "Well I thought it would be fun if the guys came over and did a birthday oneshot campaign with you. I helped Gare and Jeff write it and Jeff was gonna DM," you let out in one breath, "And it was gonna be like, a silly drinking game version." "You were gonna play?" he asks meekly. You nod. You rarely play, always watch. Always make snacks or help him clean up the trailer, always order the pizza because Eddie forgets to. Always add extra mushrooms on one because Richie likes extra mushrooms. Always make sure to get one with white sauce cause red cause doesn't sit great with Dustin.

"Did a, um, did a character sheet and whatever," you say, defeated, while you open the utensil drawer to pull out an extra pair of tongs and a serving spoon, "Drew her -- it's in your card."

You start to pack up the food and the tears start up again, welling in your eyes but still not spilling over. Eddie steps forward, getting between you and the pots and pans on the stove.

"Hey, wait," his voice bare audible, "Babe, don't."

"It's okay," you sniffle, "I just have to call them."

"No -- baby, stop," there's an edge now, ring hand falling on your wrist, "Stop packing it up."

"It's fine--"

A waltz between you, him, and the tupperware on the counter.

"Don't make me..." he huffs, trying to maneuver the tongs out of your hand, "If you don't stop, we're gonna have a pr--"

"Ed, enough! We will go to the bar, it's fine," you urge, anxiety heightening in your chest where it bursts, you start to cry, "Please, let me put it away. It's fine. I just -- fuck --"

"I feel like such an asshole," you sigh, breaking. You relent, letting go of the tongs where he takes them and leaves them between the burners on the yellowed stove.

"Don't be like that, you're not," he soothes, closing in on you against the counters edge, "You're not, I'm sorry."

"I really just wanted your birthday to be special," you weakly murmur, wiping at your eyes.

"You know how I get," he says, rough hands coming up to cup your face where he leaves a soft kiss to your cheek, "M'just not great at bein' fussed over."

"You deserve to be fussed over, doofus," you garble out, his thumbs replacing your fingers to catch the tears as they fall.

"It's hard, babe," he nods, "You knows it's hard for me. Y'know with my mom's stuff gone and my dad being...who fuckin' -- who fuckin' knows. The Hideout just makes sense. That's y'know -- that's what I deserve."

"That's not even true," you shake your head, "Don't be stupid."

"Well, I barely graduated so," he offers you a peck to each salty, wet cheek, "Stupid's my middle name." "Don't cry, sweetheart," he breathes, leaning in with a slow kiss. A kiss drenched in apologies and thank yous, breaks away just to kiss again. And again, and again, and again until you're both breathless under the sickly yellow green glow of the overhead kitchen light. "How about I change into something nicer than this, and we'll pop these plates in the microwave and start over," he asks, a smile toying on his full lips, "'Kay?"

You nod back, getting another peck stolen from you, and following him down the hall. "Oh, yes, yes, allow me to slip into something more..." he announces with flourish, posing half sexily half awkwardly in the doorway to his bedroom, "Uncomfortable." You snort, giggling while you follow in after him, settling on the end of his bed, "You don't have to dress up fancy." "'Course I do," he tsks, brows furrowing, "M'going to a five star restaurant doll, I can't look like a slob." He pulls out a pair of slacks from a funeral he went to two years ago, discarding his jeans and sliding them up over his pale legs. To your dismay, he plucks the t-shirt with a screen print of a tux out of his closet, and exchanges the worn Dio tee with that. You'll always prefer the Dio tee. "Classy," you tease. He winks, and that's enough to make you okay with the tux shirt. His fingers trail over the stack of presents and land on the envelope.

"Can I open the card?"

"Sure."

"Am I gonna cry over it?" he asks, looking at you over the dull paper when he flicks open the top.

You shake your head, "Nah, it's not sappy. You're the sappy card writer."

"I'm so sappy," he agrees, pulling out the card, "I gotta work on that, huh?"

"No, I like when you're sappy, ya sap." You watch him read the card, blush evident in the warm wash of gold from his bedside lamp. You're not a sappy card writer, but you always know how to make him feel like a kid with a crush. When he opens up your character sheet his bottom lip tucks between his teeth. "Shit," he grins, "Rogue tiefling, huh? You tryna kill me?"

"I thought it could be fun," you titter, standing up to look at the pages next to him, "Chaotic evil. Look at me."

"Ugh, baby's first villain," he gushes, "I love it."

"Look at the picture," you bounce on the balls of your feet while he goes to the next page. A much quieter 'shit' falls from his mouth. It was not a drawing that was for the rest of the guys to see, a sketch of a tiefling version of you in an outfit meant for his eyes only. "So you are trying to kill me," he asks, fingers tracing the curve of 'your' hip on the page where the outfit digs into the fat of 'your' hips.

"No, that'll be later," you smirk.

"Hm?' his brows raise.

"What do you think is in the Frederick's bag?" you ask, faux innocence smattering into your tone.

"Ah, you put a little costume together for me?" Eddie's mouth waters at the thought, brain fuzzy as he looks at the picture and then at you.

"Something like that," you tease, making your way back out into the hallway. "Something like that?!" he repeats back, hurrying back out to pull you into a searing kiss before you can make it back into the kitchen. The kind from the movies where he dips you down toward the faded carpet. As he pulls away, he nuzzles your nose against his, staring at you through lowered lids, "Thank you."

"You're very welcome," you nod, both of you making it back to full height, "Happy birthday."

You relight the candles on the table and nuke the plates of food, topping off each others plastic flutes with the left over Prosecco. There's three cases of beer in the fridge and you know Gareth is bringing Absinthe and it's something you pray doesn't mess your boyfriend up too much.

Dinner is the best meal Eddie's had in years, unable to keep his eyes off of you in between bites while you rehash your day and him, his. You're picking up the dishes off the table when the boys show up and they deliver. Taking the heat off you, they provide the snacks and even more extra booze. Jeff passes out party hats that make you all look ridiculous -- Eddie can remember laughing this much on his birthday, not even when he was a kid. Not even when his mama was alive.

After the oneshot completes and everyone is ankles deep in a tipsy haze and the smoke from a few joints lingers in the air, you walk in with the cake that is finally frosted -- the 2 and 5 confetti colored candles dancing in front of him while the rest sparkle in the middle of the coffee table. He makes one thousand wishes that he knows will come true because his friends are all still there with him and so are you. You're one room right over, cutting the cake and plating it up, and you'll be there when the boys leave in your skimpy nerdy costume that you bought just for him. And you'll be there while he sleeps and you'll be there when he wakes up. You'll be there across from him the next morning when he feeds you fries dipped in chocolate shake at the diner.

Today is Eddie Munson's birthday. And his mother's buttercream frosting is the sweetest it's ever tasted.

[brainrotbabe24]

Idk about this idea but I’ve been thinking about like- reader who’s similar quicksilver from the X-men. Like super fast, fast metabolism, ADHD to the max. Basically just the dwarves dealing with reader constant yapping and need for sweets.

Hi! Thank you for the request!

Okay, so you get a two-in-one, lol! I went a little crazy with this one and interpreted it into two scenarios.

The company reacting to the reader's ADHD craziness

How the company would react to the reader having superpowers

I also wrote a scenario yesterday about the company finding out the reader has ADHD. That felt like a prequel to this ask...it will be linked below

Thank you for such a fun idea. I hope it's okay I wrote it like this and not one scenario!💖🎉

The company reacting to reader's ADHD craziness

Balin: Just watches from afar and laughs at your shenanigans. Loves the energy you give the group, always keeping them on their toes!

Dwalin: Loves you, but every so often he needs quiet lol

Óin: Oin would send you on wild errands! He found out the hard way that boring adventures get you distracted…so the crazier, the better. 

“Y/N, I asked for rosemary, and you literally came back with a bag of potatoes and a bloody nose. What did you do????”

Glóin: He just lets you do your thing. "Y/N will run out of steam at some point." Tired dad vibes…

Bifur: Bifur would gift you fidget toys! I bet he would take the time to make them for you too! How sweet 🥺

Bofur: Jam sessions/singing constantly! Due to your ADHD, you guys would switch up the genre quite a bit. It would be a total production, too!

Bombur:  Would be down to go on crazy little side quests with you! You usually take him on the quests Oin gives you. Y'all would be like Merry and Pippin in LOTR

Ori: He would try to get you interested in hobbies to help keep you focused…like knitting. It doesn’t work, but you’ll still sit with him while he knits because he can keep up with your conversations and constant changing of topics.

Side note: I could not find a GIF of this exact topic...so imagine the reader is Homer and Ori is Marge trying to keep up with the conversation. Bart and Lisa are the rest of the company, lol 😂😂

Dori: Dori would be a helicopter mom! He would be scared you would get hurt, and worried other people in the company would influence your recklessness. You would basically be absorbed into their little family, lol!

Nori: Nori would team up with you to do some wild shit. He is the bad influence Dori is scared about

Thorin: Tired. Realized at this point that half the company has ADHD. Y'all ain't getting to Erebor any time soon.

Fíli: I think he would enjoy the late-night chat session! He would make sure to sleep next to you during the adventure because at least twice a night, you would wake him up and ask him random questions.

Kíli: He has ADHD, too. So, the fact that both of you have it makes me feel like Kili would see that as a deep connection—like soulmate material! I wouldn't put it past him to propose…

Bilbo: Would make you a cute little journal to write down your to-do's!

Gandalf: Gandalf would be a provoker like Nori. Imagine everyone is calming down for the night, you are all tired out, and then out of nowhere, you hear him whisper, “Psst Y/N ask Kili why he can’t grow a beard.” or “psst Y/N I heard Thorin wanted to hear about your super specific hyper fixation that takes hours to explain…(like one piece lol with all its episodes 😭).”

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How the company reacts to reader having superpowers

Balin: He can’t keep up. You are too fast, and it hurts his brain. He does appreciate the hard work you put in when there is an orc ambush. 

Dwalin: He loves it! He thinks you are a strong, courageous badass. He is happy you are on their side. Will cheer you on in battle!

Óin: Tries to figure out how you do it … isn't convinced fully. Is it magic? Are you eating something?

Glóin: He blames the food or candy you were eating. He does not believe you have powers… that's all nonsense. 

Bifur: Couldn't care! Like Dwalin, he is just thankful you are on their side. 

Bofur: Comes up with nicknames/superhero names for you - a true fanboy, lol!

Bombur and Ori: Would think it’s magic!

Dori: Would make sure you got enough rest.

Nori: Tries to convince you to use your skills for evil, like stealing or cheating at games...maybe not evil but definitely his gain lol

Thorin: He's super excited! He wants to use your skills to help reclaim Erebor and constantly asks you to do recon.

Fíli: He's excited like his uncle, but he would want to train with you so he can keep up, lol. 

Kíli: Kili would want to compete! “Come on, y/n, let's see who's faster! I know I’ll beat you.” Maybe he is a little jealous that his uncle likes you and trusts you to do recon and other cool stuff.

Bilbo: He would think you also had a “special” ring and get paranoid. He would also ask you a lot of questions to see if you know about his ring. 

Gandalf: Suspicious! He doesn't believe you are from this universe. It leaves more questions than answers.

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Link to the ADHD one I was talking about above:

[feyburner]

tumblr user feyburner, i have a confession. i don't know how to roast a chicken, or do anything with a chicken, and at this point i'm afraid to ask.

I can tell you're afraid to ask bc this isn't really a question. But I will answer it anyway. I'm always happy to talk about chicken.

You’ll be pleased to learn that roasting a chicken is so easy. The below explanation is quite long bc I am including all the information I can remember, to set you up for chicken roasting success. But, essentially, you’re rubbing a chicken in oil and seasonings and putting him in the oven for like an hour. Done.

Remember that people have been roasting whole chickens since the dawn of time using whatever they had around bc it’s the most low effort, high reward meal ever. You could say the word “salt” in a chicken’s general direction and toss him at a candle flame and he would still turn out great.  

To roast a chicken:

Buy a whole chicken, however big you want. 4-5 lbs is enough to feed 3-5 people with leftovers.

Prepare a workspace with a plastic cutting board (not wooden bc raw chicken juices) and paper towels. 

Remove the giblets, pin feathers, extra flaps:

1. Stick your hand up his primary orifice and pull out anything loose. There is usually a handful of little organs like heart and gizzards and sometimes these strings of pale bean looking things (tbh not sure what those are). Save these for stock, except the liver (super dark squishy organ) which will disintegrate. You can eat the liver separate if you want.

2. Trim off any sticky-outy bits that have pin feathers on them, and the flaps of fat/gristle over his orifice. Save the fatty bits for stock. Leave the triangle of fat directly above the orifice (his tail). 

Pat the chicken dry with paper towels inside and out. Get him as dry as possible. 

Spatchcock: You don’t have to spatchcock/butterfly but I like to, bc it maximizes outer surface area for that good good crispy skin. Also easier to get breasts and thighs done at the same rate.

All you have to do is cut the backbone out of the chicken with poultry shears or kitchen scissors if you’re desperate. Then push down hard to crack the breastbone so he lies super flat. Save the backbone for stock or jus. How to spatchcock step by step guide.

Dry brine: Prepare a bowl of coarse kosher salt. More salt than you’d think. Like 1 Tbsp per lb of meat. Rub salt over the whole chicken inside and out. Don’t skimp on the salt especially on the inside. It will not make your chicken crazy salty, it doesn't penetrate the meat that deep. Also some will be wiped off before you cook. 

Put the chicken on a wire rack on a baking sheet and chill uncovered in the fridge for 2-24 hours. The point of this step is the salt draws moisture to the surface of the chicken, which then evaporates in the circulating fridge air. It helps you get crispy chicken skin.

Dry brine + resting isn't 100% necessary, if for some reason you must produce a roasted chicken on a time crunch. But it's a good practice.

Roasting time:

Pat excess moisture off chicken inside and out. If you did not spatchcock you can stuff the inside with a halved lemon or garlic head, herbs, whatever you want. 

Seasoning rub: Prepare a small bowl with olive oil (maybe 1/4-1/3 cup?), salt, freshly cracked black pepper, and whatever dried herbs and spices you want. A good starter is: salt, pepper, parsley sage rosemary thyme, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder. I love me some Cajun spice mix like Slap Ya Mama. Start with like 1-2 tsp of each (1 tsp spices, 2 tsp dried herbs) and build from there. Don’t be shy. Recipes on the internet are like “Use 1/2 tsp herbs for this whole recipe” because they’re heading off 1-star reviews from annoying people who can’t handle a molecule of flavor. Season with your heart, your pussy, and your balls. Don’t be ashamed to use a store-bought spice rub. It’s not lazy, it’s efficient. Also, who gives a shit.

Rub the oil all over Mr. Chicken like he’s an Ancient Greek warrior-prince you’re preparing for the Olympic Games. 

Some recipes tell you to use butter, or slip butter under the skin, but butter has higher water content than oil and might not get you the ideal crispy skin. You can do whatever you want though. It’s your chicken. 

Preheat the oven to 425°. People will tell you a billion different temperatures—screaming hot, low and slow—but I’m here to tell you that it is so hard to fuck up a roast chicken, you can experiment and the results will always be great. 

I like to start at a high temp for 30 minutes to get the skin crisping and then reduce to 375° for the rest of the time to avoid burning. Sometimes you’ll have to cover him with foil if the seasonings start charring. That’s fine.

General cook time: 20 minutes per lb of meat, give or take 20 depending on oven temp. A 4-5 lb chicken at 425° -> 375° generally takes me ~1 hour 20 minutes. If you do low and slow at like 325° it might take 2+ hours. Just check on him periodically. Tbh it’s harder to overcook a chicken than you probably think. 5 minutes, or even 10-20 minutes, is NOT the difference between beautiful tender juicy chicken and a bone-dry tragedy. Chicken is not turkey. He is versatile and he can take it.

Pull the chicken when a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part reads 145° or above. (160° is the “safe temp” but 1. The temp will continue to rise for a few minutes after it leaves the oven, and 2. 160° is the temp at which bacteria dies immediately. 145° is fine for eating. Disclaimer: I am not a scientist just a guy who makes a lot of chicken.)

If you don’t have a thermometer, pull the chicken when you insert a knife into the thickest part and the juices run clear. Gorgeous.

Let him sit for 10-20 minutes before carving. When carving, find the oysters and give them to your favorite person or take them as the Cook’s Bounty.

**********************

Again, this explanation is quite long because I included lots of detail. If you do it even one time, you'll realize it's incredibly easy and intuitive and doesn't take much time at all.

Godspeed!

[thechaoticdruid]

The Pale Lady

F!Astarion x F!OC (Winnie)

Plot: After Winnie and the others are attacked by a group of drow. Astarion steps in to assist using the mask of the shapeshifter to dawn a rather intriguing disguise.

Warnings/Content: Sexual content, tooth rotting w|w fluff, Astarion is referred to with he/him pronouns despite taking a female form, honestly I'm not too crazy about the plot since there isn't much of one. Possibly ooc moments. Boobs. Winnie being hetero-flexible. I'm also leaving the time of when this happens ambiguous since in my canon Winnie and Astarion don't confess feelings until act 2 and there is some talk about that.

Light implied (?) smut at end.

The mask of the shapeshifter. 

Winnie wasn't exactly sure where they'd picked it up if she was honest. She just found it amongst their equipment one day and since then it had been a rather useful tool. Not that she herself used it too much, given she already had shapeshifting abilities of her own. She didn't need to mask herself with another face when she could be any beast she liked.

Granted there were such times when there was the need for a more humanoid disguise. Astarion was usually the one to dawn the mask if the opportunity arose.  

Here in the Underdark was such a time.  Winnie, Astarion, Lae'zel, Gale and Karlach had been venturing through the Underdark. Astarion had split off from the others to go and search for a snack. Unfortunately pickings were rather slim in the Underdark.  It wasn't as if there were rabbits or deer roaming about.  As Astarion searched through the area, his ears perked up at the sound of fighting nearby. The others must have run into some trouble. The elf quickly moved in the direction of where he left the others, his bow was drawn and ready to attack.

Off in the distance Winnie and her group were holding their ground against a group of drow men. Winnie kept her scimitars drawn as she backed up. After having to fight off a spectator, the drow who had been trapped by the beast turned on Winnie and her group, convinced they were after the same treasure as them. The fight with the spectator had left them exhausted and barely able to catch their breath. “Easy. We're not interested in whatever it is you're looking for. Let's just put this behind us and go on our way.”

“Don't think you can deceive me!” The leader of the group of drow growled out. He was preparing to attack when suddenly someone unfamiliar appeared. A tall, drow woman with long curly white hair and red eyes.

“And just what do you think you're doing with my servants?” She crossed her arms. Winnie blinked a bit. Her voice was a bit deep and sounded rather familiar.  

“Your servants?” The drow leader said in confusion.

“Servants?” Winnie piped up in confusion. The lady turned to Winnie with a seductive looking smile. The woman's familiar scent hit Winnie's nose. Bergamot and rosemary.  

“Yes MY servants.” The drow woman wrapped an arm around Winnie. “This adorable little thing is my pleasure slave. The rest are just bodyguards.”

Um…What now?!

“She chose that ugly vermin as her pleasure slave?” One of the drow men said.

“Of course. My pet has such a talented little mouth. Her tongue is quite gifted. And I for one think she's rather adorable so if you don't want your own tongue cut out you’ll be silent.” Winnie stood there, face burning red in embarrassment. 

“Ah-y-yes of course M-Mistress!” 

“I should think you'd show the future matriarch of house Xorlarrin.” The ‘female’ drow flipped her hair behind her shoulder. The drow men all gasped in shock while Winnie just stood there, face burning bright red with embarrassment.

I'm going to kill him….

“M-Mistress, please forgive us! We had no idea!!” 

“Did they hurt you, my pet?” Astarion tilted the druid’s head up. 

“Uh…I um…” Winnie was a bit taken back as she was put on the spot, but eventually played along. “Yes…They attacked us. I was so frightened! I thought I was going to die!” Winnie exclaimed, clinging to Astarion’s waist and laying her head against his now bountiful chest. 

“Mistress please! Here take this as compensation!” The leader of the group took out a large bag. 

“Perhaps if you hand over the gold and get on your knees and beg I may be willing to forgive your transgression.” Astarion ran a hand over Winnie's head, petting her hair. 

The drow leader hesitantly dropped to his knees. 

“Mistress please forgive our foolishness…” Astarion gave a wicked grin, rather enjoying the man's pathetic submission.  The leader moved closer towards the disguised spawn’s legs, leaning to kiss his boots.

“Alright that's enough, you're just being embarrassing now. Take your lackies and leave before I change my mind.” Astarion snapped. 

“Y-Yes mistress! Thank you!” The drow male said before he and his followers turned tail and ran off. Astarion watched them run off with a smug grin, arm wrapped around Winnie's shoulders.

Winnie waited for them to be out of view before pulling away from Astarion with an annoyed look.

“Pleasure slave?! Seriously Astarion!!” Winnie snapped.

“Oh don't be so dramatic. If I hadn't put on a little show for those idiots you’d be on death's door right now.” The disguised elf exclaimed before suddenly the spell dissipated. Astarion removed the mask and was once again his pretty boy self. 

“You didn't have to tell them I go down on you!” The druid snarled, face full of embarrassment.

“I needed to be convincing. If it bothers you so much we could always hunt them down and kill them later.” The vampire suggested. Winnie let out a sigh. He was lucky she loved him otherwise she would have punched him right in his pretty face (multiple times) already. 

“No, no it's better we stay on track. Let's return to camp and get some rest..” The human female rubbed her temples. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Later that night the party had all settled down as the fire crackled away. Winnie set up her bedroll a little ways away from the others, underneath a particularly large mushroom. She took out her journal and sketched an exaggerated picture of the spectator they had fought previously that day. 

Astarion eventually approached Winnie leaning on the mushroom behind her. He stood there for a few moments before letting out a long sigh.

“Are you still upset?” He asked, looking down at her with sad round, puppy-dog like eyes.

“No. I know you were just trying to help.” Winnie replied as she continued to doodle. Astarion stayed quiet for a moment then huffed. 

“Oh come on. I know you're still upset. You…Didn't stop by my tent.” Astarion crossed his arms. 

“I needed some time to myself.” The druid turned the page on her journal.

The vampire bit down on his lip before letting out a sigh. 

“You know I'm bad at this. I'm…Sorry, Winnie.” Astarion moved to sit down next to Winnie on her bedroll before wrapping his arms around her chest and resting his head on her shoulder.

“I forgive you, but next time. Think a little before running your mouth.” Winnie reached around and ran her fingers through his curly locks. Astarion closed his eyes and let out a sigh of pleasure as she played with his locks. The two of them curled up together, just enjoying each other's company for a few moments. The silence was pleasant, relaxing as the two of them just enjoyed one another’s embrace. However, eventually Astarion broke the silence.

“There is something else I'd like to discuss. You seemed rather comfortable nuzzling into my chest when I was in my lovely disguise earlier. Quite peculiar for someone uninterested in the fairer sex.” 

“Perhaps I'm just a good actress.” Winnie rolled her eyes at his teasing.  

“Oh, is that so?” Astarion said before reaching into his pack and taking out the shapeshifting mask. Within moments he placed it on and changed form. However he did not change into the drow disguise he had on earlier. 

Instead he was this angelic looking high elf female with long white curls that went down to his shoulders. From what it looked like Astarion had shifted into a female version of himself. (Although Winnie was pretty sure he took some liberties to make this form curvier than he actually would be if he were born female.)

“So you're saying you wouldn't want me if I was like this?” Astarion hummed, looking at the brunette haired druid with a soft pout. 

“I’m not sure…If I'm honest.” Winnie admitted.  Astarion looked at her with a puzzled expression before snuggling back against her, pressing his chest against her back. “I don't think I'd be as sexually attracted to you, but I can't imagine not having you by my side. You're very important to me. I see you as more than a lover.” The druid looked back at the vampire. “And my feelings for you go beyond anything physical. I hope you know that.” 

“I think I do.” Astarion smiled and pressed his lips against her cheek before pulling her onto his lap, hugging her close. Winnie felt a bit awkward given he was still shape-shifted and hugging her against his chest, but eventually she relaxed into it, pressing her forehead against his own as they cuddled.

 Astarion then removed the mask and let it drop to the ground as Winnie moved away from him a bit. “But as lovely as that form is. I'm much more comfortable like this.” Astarion said, running a hand through his hair. 

“You do make a pretty girl though.” Winnie hummed. “But I'll admit I did miss a few of your more…. What's the word you used before…gifted features?” Winnie teased a bit, a blush creeping onto her face. 

Astarion smirked, “oh don't worry dear. They missed you too.” The elf took her hand in his before placing it on his groin, letting her feel the growing bulge beneath his trousers. Winnie looked off to the side, face reddening even further as she slowly rubbed him through his pants. 

“I-I just talked about how my feelings for you are more than sexual. Having sex afterwards kinda makes it feel less meaningful.” Winnie huffed. She acted a bit annoyed but was still stroking him gently. Astarion tilted her head up to look at him.

“Mmm…We won't be having sex darling…We'll be making love…” He purred. Winnie rolled her eyes before pushing him down on his back playfully with a slight smirk. Astarion looked back at her with a pout as she unbuttoned his pants, burying her head between his legs. Astarion tilted his head back, eyes closing in bliss as he let out a soft moan. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

~Druid

Welp, I got this finished just in time. I hope it's good. I kinda had a few worries about it but honestly that's how I feel whenever publishing anything.

Tagging @vixstarria because she wanted to see the Astaritiddies (I apologize for creating that word) and @paganwitchisis because they like to read all my stuff.

[babysfirstpentagram]

A Few Witchy Ways to Witch Up Your Wedding. 

A Few Witchy Ways to Witch Up Your Wedding. 

Are you a witch? Are you getting married? Do you want to honor your practice in your wedding with or without pissing off your extremely religious in-laws? Then please stay tuned!

There are many ways to incorporate your beliefs and practice into your wedding, and many ways to alter the ritual to either appease or hide it from those who may not agree with your practice. There are many cultural practices you can follow (just make sure you are researching closed practices and stick only to the ones you can follow), and many ways to include your gods and goddesses to your wedding with little to no speculation. Unless, you want people to know, then I will make sure to write about those as well. 

Number One: A Handfastening. 

What is a hand fastening? A hand fastening is when you intertwine three pieces of rope into a braid across your hand and your partner's hand. It is typically found in traditional Celtic Pagan weddings, however many religions are now adopting this practice to add it to their own weddings. It doesn't have to just be a Pagan wedding, as I have seen Christians do it and use God/Jesus as the center rope and themselves as the other two ropes. You may choose to use a deity you worship to be the center rope, you can simply dedicate the center rope as your life or your love for one another wrapping around the two of you. The possibilities are endless and it is an easy and very down-low practice to do. To add a little more magic to it, braid your own cords and add protection charms with your fiance. It not only makes the cord more meaningful, but it is a bonding experience and you get to put all the love and happiness you feel for each other into making it. 

Number Two: Crystals. 

Crystals are cool, they look like shiny rocks, and most people wouldn't look twice if there are a few crystals on the tables or in your flowers. I will be giving everyone in my bridal party selenite (to protect and cleanse) and rose quartz (to bring in love). This is a cute idea and you can even do a ritual before you go out to calm your nerves with quartz and amethyst. 

Number Three: Veils

Veils were used in ancient times to confuse spirits and to protect the bride from spirits that wanted to take her. This is a very easy way to add a layer of magic to the wedding, as you can enchant the veil to repel negativity and harm. Also, veils are so widely used these days that people would be considered crazy if they questioned why you were wearing a veil. 

Number Four: Set up a Wedding Altar

A wedding altar can be as simple as the table you set up for the guest to sign the guest book. Add pictures of you and your fiance, pictures of married couples in your family that have passed, crystals, candles, the works. People will simply think you have a very nicely decorated table for the guests. You can also add small tokens of your deities to the table to tie it into the over all theme or to just add a pop of color. I am having a slightly Tangled themed wedding so I will be adding little suns to the table for Apollo!

Number Five: Spell Satchels

You can make a small spell satchel to wear under your dress for protections and love. Rose petals, rose quartz, rosemary, bay leaves with intentions writen on them, and pink salt would be good to add. You can tie it to your garter (if wearing one/wearing a dress) or put it in your suit pocket. They are small enough to not even be noticed by others. 

Number Six: Exchanging of Swords

The exchanging of swords was very big in Norse Weddings. To sum it up, the Groom and Bride exchange swords to vow to protect each other until and past death. Another wedding tradition is to gift the Bride with a kitten to promote protection and to help catch mice and rats. I, personally, don't think this practice should ever go away. 

Number Seven: Go barefoot.

Connect to the Earth as you walk down the aisle. Feel the ground and let it center and ground you to the moment. 

These are just a few ways you can connect your practice to your wedding. If this blows up enough, I may make a part two! I will also be starting reguluar updates about my own wedding and how I am witching it up! Stay tuned and drink water!

[tomorrowsgardennc]

garden update // september 24th

phew! today was busy! rain is supposed to fly right on thru our area very quickly because of Helene so i have been busy shifting gears into prep mode for that.

the biggest deal was getting these basil seeds inside. i would rather have them sit on the plant for another 3 or 4 days... but i also would rather not have them drenched in downpours and end up rotted. so i cut a majority of the basil heads and will let them dry inside in a paper bag before processing. it's spicy globe basil - my absolute favorite basil variety ever - and since it's so tight and compact the bees love sleeping there at night, like this little guy. so i did leave some for them, especially the not-too-developed seed heads. hopefully it'll all be ok.

a lot of the no longer baby plants in the greenhouse are now in their semi-final home. transplanted like crazy the past two days! the cilantro doesn't have true leaves uet, but they were stretching like cray cray in the greenhouse since i have shade cloth on it, so i went ahead and put them in their pot. i say semi-final home because it's their final home in my garden before they are sold at the market. typically i transplant, let them grow in their new pot for 2 weeks, then consider them for market inventory. those 2 weeks allow for root growth and for them to get used to their new surroundings outside the greenhouse. kinda like hardening off, but not really.

went from 8 trays down to 4 in the greenhouse. the heating pads are NOT on, just don't have anywhere to store them so they just stay put. next week this will be back to full after i start more seeds. these were the only babies left without any true leaves. kohlrabi, cabbage, lettuce, collards, and celery.

so early this spring hubs and i pruned a pomegranate tree that's at the farmers market. not the best time to prune tbh but that's ok. i took 50ish cuttings and tried to root them. only these two did so. admittedly i'm a novice at rooting cuttings so honestly surprised i got these two. now i need to find a final home for them by next fall... for this winter they'll go in the greenhouse.

pro tip (like, the only tip i know about cuttings): the best way to tell if your cutting is still alive or transformed into a stick is to take your thumbnail and scrape a tiny dent into the bark. if the layer underneath is green, it's still alive and would prefer to not be knicked again plz thank you. if brown, then it's now a stick and you can toss it in the compost pile or to your dog. they are still babies so they don't like to be knicked so do this test as tiny as possible. its like checking to see if the chicken is raw after cooking... if you have to squint and hold it up to your face to try and tell, then its cooked dont worry. if you have to hold the cutting up and squint at it to find the green layer then its cooked, too.

peas are happy. the daikon totally wasabi *wink wonk* radishes have transplanted well. the cantalope from the compost pile is photobombing the peas and daikons.

last but not least, cascading over the raised bed edge appreciation photos. although deer have been coming by to eat the sweet potato leaves. but that's ok. and the creeping rosemary is absolutely loving its spot under the blueberry bush. i have had horrible luck trying to grow normal rosemary, but this creeping variety is more visually fun.

hopefully next week we will get a break from freak pop up tropical systems and i can finally get my two new metal raised beds in place! yippee!!

[pigeon-behavior]

I thought I would put together a little reading list.

This is SUPER not comprehensive, but if you're looking to build your knowledge a little, here's at least some sort of place to start.

Not all of these will be directly about pigeons, but the concepts they teach can be applied to animals of all kinds.

Here's those more generalized books:

Don't Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training by Karen Pryor.

This book came out in the 80s, and it is still one of the best resources there are for learning how training and influencing behavior works. Even if you don't intend to be training, the principles in this book can help you learn how to bond with your pigeon by following rules it can understand.

The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are - The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology by Robert Wright.

This book is about humans. But truthfully, it doesn't matter. The core concepts discussed will help you to look at behaviors in all sorts of species and to make more educated guesses about why they exist. Sometimes, knowing what the problem is is half the battle. I think I'm personally just well suited to learning pigeon behavior, but I can't lie and tell you that this didn't help me a lot.

Here's a book that is about birds, but doesn't focus on pigeons:

Handbook of Bird Biology 2nd Edition by Cornell Laboratory of Ornithology

DO NOT GET THE 3RD EDITION. Much of the substance has been stripped from the 3rd edition, quite bafflingly. You want the edition that came out in 2004 and has a green cover.

This is a fairly comprehensive educational textbook about birds as a whole. You will find pigeons mentioned throughout the book but no bird is a direct focus. No matter your questions about birds, I'm sure at least one will be answered in the book. Maybe not even one you knew you had.

Books that do focus on pigeons:

A Pocket Guide to Pigeon Watching: Getting to Know the World's Most Misunderstood Bird by Rosemary Mosco

This is an extremely charming but well-researched little book of facts accompanied by very cute illustrations. I bought this the day it came out, and I do not regret it. If you want an easy-but-informative read, this is it.

Pigeon Genetics: Applied Genetics in the Domestic Pigeon by Axel Sell

This is sort of the current genetics book for learning about what is happening genetically with our birds. Depending on your education you may find parts of this book inaccessible, but I think there's probably still plenty that you could absorb, and it is filled with pictures of beautiful and interesting birds.

Unfortunately it can be really hard to get your hands on this book. I don't know if it is in active print. It is also from Germany, so getting it elsewhere can be extremely costly.

And it's definitely not here -> link <- You definitely shouldn't go into this link and download anything

And, just as a bit of a swerve, a website:

If you need to learn the bare basics of pigeon genetics, this website is crazy good for that. You should be aware that not every gene is as cut-and-dry on-or-off as they present it for the sake of learning, so you aren't extremely confused a bit later when you have some of this knowledge down and are trying to apply it.

If you enjoy my posts, please consider tipping me on ko-fi!

[skunkdrawer]

i realized just never posted my garden oops

please observe it in its half full glory!

don’t ask me why i planted alumroot that prefers partial shade in my afternoon sun receiving back garden ㅠ.ㅠ i wasn’t thinking practically i was just like WOW THEY HAVE SO MUCH ALUMROOT HERE and loved how curly and light these are. they’re called Dolce “Apple Twist” and the picture on the label shows they might get a little red in the centers :0 ALSO when i got these at lowes they let me pick out a free mum at checkout so now i have orange mums and no pot for them…. :D

here’s a closer image of my crazy flower corner. sorry for the patio umbrella shadow, the sun was sunning. also, don’t ask about the placement of these guys. idk what i was going for and why everything is so close, but i don’t really care i just want it fluffy and bug friendly >:3

we’ve got some multicolored asters in a row towards the front. there are little clumps of mixed wildflower seedlings trying their best but not getting very big. one bachelors button has shot up right next to the bush of catnip, u can see its tiny bud amongst the catnip if u zoom :P there’s a random baby catnip next to the bush. then, we’ve got some butterfly weed, and even more random wildflower mix babies.

in the empty space in front of the crazy flowers i have planted some SPINCH seeds!!! bloomsdale long standing spinchers to be exact.

lastly, THE HERB SPIRALLLlllwjwja!!!!!!!!!! i’ve been wanting to build one for soooooyyyyy long and i finally did it!!!!! there are dill and cilantro seeds on the lower side of the spiral. i’ve got oregano, chives, rosemary, and thyme seeds in my 4x4 seed tray. those are gonna go in the spiral obvs. i’ve also got some genovese basil in a planter i’m considering plopping into the spiral but am not sure yet…

BRO I ALMOST FORGOT. i put some peppermint seeds in a pot and two types of lavender seeds (munstead & something?...) in little nursery pots since my previous lavender seedling attempts mmmDIED </3.

also the saucer/dish with rocks is supposed to be a butterfly puddler but i’m not satisfied with it yet…suggestions welcome if you made it this far, also thank youuu byeeeee :3

not proofreading sorry i type kinda sporadically

[arpmemething2]

Quotes from Firefly/Serenity Sentence Starters

Send one for my muse’s reaction.   Feel free to change pronouns as needed.

“Let’s go be bad guys!”

“Ten percent of nothin’ is … let me do the math here … nothin’ into nothin’ … carry the nothin’ … ”

"We’re crooks. If everything were right, we’d be in jail.”

"Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash."

“Like woman, I am a mystery.”

“Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.”

“Every man there go back inside or we will blow a new crater in this little moon.”

“Well, maybe I’m not a fancy gentleman like you, with your … very fine hat. But I do business. We’re here for business.”

"How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?"

"Um, I’m trying to put this as delicately as I can…how do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?"

"Go to blackout! We're being buzzed!"

"Well, I guess death will solve the issue to everyone's satisfaction."

"Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We play parts."

“Did something just fly off my gorram ship?”

"You guys had a riot... on account of me? My very own riot?"

“We’ve done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.”

"It's been a big day, what with the abduction, and all."

"I'm not sure you'd be safe."

"Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man."

“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

"Seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers."

"Maybe. Or maybe you're exactly where you ought to be."

“Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?”

"If you take sexual advantage of her, you will burn in a very special level of hell. The kind they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

"Go play with your rainstick."

"Don't make yourself sick."

“Mercy is the mark of a great man.”

"I don't suppose you'd find it up to the standards of your outings. More conversation, and somewhat less... petty theft and getting hit with pool cues."

"You gonna give us what's due us and every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the misses."

"I cannot abide useless people."

"Mmm. You missed a spot."

“Man walks down the street in a hat like that, you know he’s not afraid of anything … ”

"This is the place. We'll buy you the time."

“Also? I can kill you with my brain.”

“Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.”

"It’s not embarrassing to be a virgin. It’s simply one’s state of being."

"That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth."

"I been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you my guns."

"I'll be in my bunk."

"They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself."

"Drunks are so cute."

“Going on a year now, nothins twixed my neathers not run on batteries.”

"He's not wildly interested in ingratiating himself with anyone, yet he's very protective of his crew. It's odd."

"How we treat our dead is part of what makes us different…than those did the slaughtering."

“The important thing is the spices. A man can live on packaged food from here ’til Judgment Day if he’s got enough rosemary.”

"I think you have a problem with your brain being missing."

"Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere."

“First rule of battle, little one … don’t ever let them know where you are.”

“Terse? I can be terse. Once, in flight school, I was laconic.”

"Don't you just love this party? Everything's so fancy and they have some kind of hot cheese over there!"

"I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta go."

“I don’t think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though, I have a mighty roar.”

"You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle."

"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."

“I aim to misbehave.”

"Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man."

"Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this little moon."

“You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who’s in ruttin charge here.”

“I cannot abide useless people.”

"I I ever kill you, you’ll be awake, you’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed."

"You are very much lacking in imagination.”

"Call me if anyone interesting shows up."

"Very well-bred petty crook knows that the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting."

"This must be what going mad feels like."

"You don't seem to be lookin' at the destinations. What you care about is the ships, and mine's the nicest."

"Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?"

"Someone's carryin' a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is, die of old age before it finds you."

“If anyone gets nosy, just …you know … shoot ’em. “

“WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!”

"I'll do anything you want me to. You know how I can make you feel."

"I need this man to tear all my clothes off."

“Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill ’em right back!”

"Sorry to interrupt, folks, but y'all got something that belongs to us, and we'd like it back."

“Next time you want to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.”

“I’ve been under fire before. Well … I’ve been in a fire. Actually, I was fired. I can handle myself.”

“I’ve been out of the abbey two days, I’ve beaten a lawman senseless, I’ve fallen in with criminals. I watched the captain shoot the man I swore to protect. And I’m not even sure if I think he was wrong.”

“In the maiden’s home, I heard talk of men who weren’t pleased with their brides…”

"Got your next heist planned?"

"It's good to be home."

"She still has the advantage over us."

"Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed."

"Yeah, but she's our witch."

“We’re not gonna die. We can’t die. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.”

"Can you stop her from bein’ so cheerful?"

“How did your brain even learn human speech?”

“Yes sir, Captain Tightpants!”

"You are such a boob."

"You don't need strength as much as speed. We're fragile creatures. It takes less than a pound of pressure to cut skin."

"Your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that.”

"You guys always bring me the very best violence. "

"Every problem is an opportunity in disguise."

“We got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss.”

"I'm assumin' y'all were listenin'? Did you hear us fight?"

"I... I threw up on your bed."

"I swallowed a bug."

"I'm... trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just... it's not coming."

"It sounds like the finest party I can imagine getting paid to go to."

“Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.”

"I said you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are you gonna do about it?"

"You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?"

“I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.”

“Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain words were exchanged. Also, certain… bullets.”

"You were truthful back in town. These are tough times. A man can get a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation like ours... well... then he has a choice."

"So you had to be naked?"

"So… are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl?"

"Just keep walkin', preacher-man."

"We crashing again?"

“No power in the verse can stop me.”

"I know something ain't right."

“‘Course, there’re other schools of thought.”

"Can't miss a place you've never been."

"Tell me I'm pretty."

"Physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly. You look for compatibility of spirit. There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide.You try to feel that."

"Can we fly somewhere with a beach?"

"What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?"

"I think I've been kidnapped."

"Money wasn't good enough."

“Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle.”

"Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?"

"See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."

"What was that?"

"Well, you were right about this being a bad idea."

"Haven't you killed me enough for one day?"

"You save his gorram life, he still takes the cargo."

[figuring-out-witchiness]

Recipe- High Protein Strength and Protection Soup

Recently in Hong Kong we had a level Typhoon 8 (really bad storm) come our way. Since I moved into the new apartment and I was by myself I wanted to add a little protection to myself and my place. Ultimately the typhoon ended up not hitting so bad and my area was fine other than some heavy rain and wind. This is the recipe I used as the first storm warnings were put in place.

PLEASE NOTE: Do not only use a spell to protect your house. I also taped my windows and was prepared with resources in case I would be stuck or needed to leave the apartment. Listen to your weather authorities for the proper info. This spell is only to give a little boost to your existing precautions.

This recipe is intended to give you an added boost of protein to help strengthen your body while using the herbal power to infuse your home with peace, strength, and safety.

Ingredients

Bay leaf

Rosemary

Thyme

Salt

Black pepper

Cumin

Basil

Onion

Garlic

Pepper

Potatoes

Beans (any kind) I used white kidney from a can

Vegetable (preferably local and in season) I used Chinese cabbage

Chicken (meat is completely optional)

Cooking instructions

Heat your pot. Then add some oil.

While waiting for your pot to heat, chop up all your sauteeables (garlic, onion, pepper)

When the oil is hot add the chopped garlic, onion, and pepper to the pot and turn heat on low. Stir occasionally until softened and onions are translucent.

Also add in your seasonings. Cooking your aromatics in the oil first will ensure the flavor can bloom. The smell and taste will be more intense.

Chop up the chicken into the desired size pieces.

Season the chicken with the salt and pepper. The. Add the pieces to the pot.

Wipe down your surface and sanitize immediately after handling the chicken to avoid salmonella risk.

Chop your remaining veggies. ( Potatoes and cabbage in this case)

Since in my case I used cabbage, when the chicken was about 50% cooked I added it in to give it a little extra cook. If you're using something less hearty like spinach you can wait to add in later.

When the chicken is about 70% cooked through, add water (or stock if you have that on hand)

Add in the chopped potatoes (and veggies if you didn't add with the chicken)

Simmer on low heat and continually stir to make sure nothing sticks to the bottom. Make sure you taste along the way. Let the seasonings guide your instincts and add whatever you feel is lacking.

When the potatoes are cooked through (can easily poke them through with a fork) then the soup is ready!

Casting Cooking Intensions

I laid all my ingredients out and focused on what I wanted to receive from each of these ingredients. I also acknowledged how they got to my kitchen or the life that went into providing me my meal (chicken in this case since I am flexitarian)

Acknowledged the storm starting outside. I opened a window and listened to the sounds of the nature and city around me. Focusing on the strength and power that comes from the thunder storm.

I organized all of my cooking utensils, pots, and bowls to be used. I sanitized them with boiling water while saying a positive words about the utensils ability to help me cook my meal.

Used my favorite cooking utensil. Many witches lean towards a wooden spoon that they are drawn to, or perhaps add their sigils on. But for me I use my favorite pair of wooden chopsticks! Same intent but different cultural variation based on what I'm drawn to use.

When stirring I stir in a clockwise position to draw in my intentions and counterclockwise to banish negativity or worry thoughts.

It may sound crazy but I speak to my soup. I think about being strong and visualize my house having beefy gym arms to push against the storm. I acknowledge the actual protection my home gives me daily and thank it. I ask my house to use the smells and energy from the soup to give it a little extra strength. I also visualize myself in the gym hitting my prs. And visualize eating my soup and it giving me strength. I also say things like "this soup is going to be so tasty and make me feel so comforted safe and warm while giving me all the protein and vitamins I need to be super strong and healthy" I kinda just say and think these positive things doing what feels right.

When I finally eat the soup I think of it powering me up and I focus on the flavors and all the energy that went into the ingredients that are now being passed on to me!

I save my scraps. The food worked hard to make it to my table and I believe every part should be utalized as much as possible. To reduce waste and show a little love to the earth I collect all the scraps for my freezer and make it into a veggies stock when it's full.

[tooti-fruiti]

WALTEN FILES THEORY

Some people are trying to decide who or what "Bon" is.

I personally believe "Bon" is a demon.

Demons can't give away their real names because that would give power to the person (or people) who knows their name.

So this demon goes by the name "Bon". (Which would explain the quotation marks)

"Bon" also does some really fucked up things in the name of "beauty".

As he says "you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."

Now some people think "Bon" is Jack Walten's ghost. Which can't be the case, because as of right now, Jack is still alive.

(I know this because of the little scavenger hunt Martin Walls made called Find Jack Walten. And in that scavenger hunt it says something along the lines of "Jack is not dead. He is still alive. Find him.")

And I saw a theory that said "Bon" is the embodiment of Jack's anger and sadness. Which is an interesting theory, but doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

"Bon" isn't an embodiment of rage. If he was, he wouldn't be taking the time to try to comfort Susan into her new life as Banny.

I also think that if he were an embodiment of rage and sadness, he wouldn't be talking about making the people he's killed beautiful."

For the longest time, I thought Bon was Felix. I thought that Felix drove himself crazy because he accidentally killed Edd and Molly, ended up killing himself, possessing Bon, and killing everyone who knows or is affiliated with what he did.

Which would explain the scene in Walten Files 3 where Bon is kind of shaking while flashes of Edd and Molly surround him.

But now that we know Bon is possessed by someone who calls himself "Bon", it makes everything more complicated.

I'm happy we know who's possessing Bon now because we've been wondering that for years.

But that does make the aforementioned scene a little confusing.

Unless this demon is somehow affiliated with the Walten Family, I don't understand why Bon would shake around like that and then hide in his hands at the death of Edd and Molly.

Maybe the original plan was for Felix to be Bon when Walten Files 3 released.

But then as years passed, maybe the story changed just a little bit because that can happen.

And Martin Walls decided to go in a new direction with Bon and who's possessing him.

But then again, maybe not. Because we can see "Bon" possessing Bon in the first episode.

The eyes we see in Bon in The Walten Files 1 are "Bon". (It's also worth mentioning that I don't think "Bon" likes light)

(Another small thing I wanted to add is that in the Walten Files 3, during Susan's death, we see Bon with his hand right in her face. Which is a really cool detail because in the next episode, we see Bon reach for Susan's face to mutilate it [or it could be when Bon goes to snap Susan's neck because we see a similar frame there as well])

(Another thing that has nothing to do with this. The song that plays when Ashley is killed is called "Ashley's happy hour" which implies that it took an entire hour to dismember her and stuff her into Billy. However, in a discord server that Martin Walls made, he said that he thinks during Ashley's death, when she saw Bon, she passed out and woke up 30 minutes later to being torn apart. So she didn't suffer the whole hour which sounds better than being tortured for an hour)

(One more thing, when Sophia plays Spot the difference, there's one picture of Billy plays with a car. In the second picture, there's two red figurines and Billy is holding a black one. Which makes me believe that Felix is the shadow man)

Also I think "Bon" knows who he wants to put each person inside. Susan for example has a long face kind of like Banny. Charles kind of looks like Boozoo. Rosemary has hair like Sha. And Ashley kind of had hair like Billy.

I don't know, I just woke up and my brain is fried.

I'll make another post in a few minutes showing all the secrets I find in each episode

Please let me know what you guys think in the comments

[henrywintersdearestgirl]

The Other Winter

This was so refreshing to write, prepare for more small fluffies in the future:)) xx, Rosemary

Henry woke up to an empty bed. His little doe nowhere to be seen. He turned around in the sheets and saw the messy side where she was sleeping in his embrace, he could feel the warmth that she left there and the of her scent, a sweet vanilla scent that made him crazy whenever he felt it.

However, he could feel a good breakfast scent in the room also and heard the noises from the kitchen.

That must be y/n, he thought.

He got himself out of the warm sheets, he didn’t even bother putting on some pants or a shirt, his boxer shirts will do fine.

As he got to the kitchen, light jazz music was playing on vinyl, and there she was in all her beautiful glory. Swaying her hips to the rhythm of the music, her hair was poofed up from turning in her sleep and cascading down her back. She was only in her panties and his usually crisp white shirt that was now wrinkly and clumsily buttoned in the middle, so it can weakly cover her flushed bosom.

He was absolutely and utterly in love and mesmerized with her. Although the shirt was huge on her, her silhouette was prominent in it. He found himself longing after a tiny touch of her skin.

He walked up to her and hugged her like a bear from behind, it was followed by a squeal of surprise from her, but then she melted in his arms. He nuzzled his face into the top of her hair and enjoyed the sweet scent of her all around him.

“Good morning, little doe. What are you doing up this early?” He was an early bird himself and she was the opposite, she enjoyed sleeping in when she could and she loved spending a day in between the sheets lazily.

“I wanted to make you breakfast, and oh-” she turned around and fetched a mug from the upper shelf so she could pour him a fresh cup of coffee. She pushed into his hand and stared up at him with awaiting doe eyes. What an adorable little thing she was, he thought.

He sipped the coffee and it was exactly how he liked it, no milk and two sugar cubes. He was very picky with coffee and she could always make it for him perfectly.

“You know just how I like it, thank you.” He smiled down at her and his fingers grazed her cheeks, he put the mug down and let his other arm snake around her waist to pull her body closer to his.

He suddenly put her on the counter and kissed her deeply, and she obviously returned his enthusiasm.

He started caressing her jaw and planting little loving kisses to her neck. Then he kissed her forehead and stroked her head, she never felt more relaxed, especially if she didn’t have his warm hands touching her.

“What a good girl you are, my good little doe. Always so good to me, spoiling me, loving on me. Letting me make you mine, and you enjoy it deeply too. You enjoy knowing that everyone envies me because you are mine, not theirs, I have the pleasure of having the sweetest girl in my bed every night.”

He leaned into his hair and whispered. “Imagine if they knew our little secret, Mrs.Winter.” He lifted her left hand and kissed the subtle diamond ring on her finger, the ring that he proposed to her with. They didn’t plan to marry until they finished their studies, and that could take years. They already thought of themselves as husband and wife. “I will give you everything you want, everything you could imagine.” His hand slipped down to her tummy under his shirt. “One day, I will put my baby in here and make you a mother, the mother of my child.”

She couldn’t help herself, she had to pull him down by his hair for a couple more kisses, he knew that babies were her weakness.

She served him breakfast and they ate together, her in his lap and nuzzling into each other’s warmth, occasionally feeding bites to each other here and there.

They couldn’t think of a more divine future together.

In love, as Mr. and Mrs.Winter.

[pupilofbast]

🔮🏠☕️🧹🌿💎 💫 ⭐️

🔮 What's your favorite form of divination? What's your least favorite?

I love my tarot and oracle decks. I'm also beginning to really enjoy my pendulums

I wouldn't say "least favorite" but I'm not crazy about astrology or numerology. I'd still like to learn them but I'm like terribly skeptical about those

🏠 Do you have an altar? What do you keep there?

I do! I have one for Bast, Sekhmet + any guests, a general working altar, and an ancestor altar. I keep imagery of them, statues, crystals, card decks, perfumes and oils, journals, prayer beads, and art I made for them.

☕️ Coffee or tea? What's your favorite brew and how do you take it?

Coffee, but I like both. I just like any coffee that's like medium-dark. I don't like it too light

🧹 What's your favorite cleansing method?

Smoke, but if it's late at night or my parents are both home and will complain I'll use selenite or tourmaline. Although one time I was sick with covid and couldn't do smoke of course, so I used my humidifier. It worked just the same

🌿 Do you incorporate plants or herbs into your practice? Which do you work with most?

A little, yeah. Mostly as offerings to my deities, but I'm also trying to bond with herbs right now through putting them in my food more often. I like lavender and rosemary. I'm trying to get into working with mugwort but I haven't found the time to start

💎 Do you use crystals or rocks in your practice? Which do you work with most?

Yes lmao, like on the cleansing question. I've used them for spells a couple of times. It's mostly as offerings or for cleansing and protection. I think selenite is the most used, but if you wanna count my first pendulum I also have bloodstone

💫 Is there a common practice within the witchcraft community that you are skeptical of or disagree with? If so, why?

That deities or spirits have to reach out to you first. I think more people should just hit them up and go "Hey I think you're awesome, I brought you some water. Can we hang out?" You can get some pretty good results this way, surprisingly

Also the way people will stick herbs and crystals on a melted layer of a glass candle. That makes me so anxious. I want to support your business and get my spirits some candles, but I don't want a fire hazard in my house

⭐️ When and how did you start practicing? What drew you to witchcraft?

I always spent a lot of my atheist life wishing I had something to believe in. Something to fulfill me. Then in like early 2022 when talking to my wife I was like "I wish I was like those witchy people on TikTok they look so happy to have this life" and my wife was like "You can just do that right now" and I was like "But I'm too skeptical :("

But it stuck with me and I wanted to try anyway. I consider October 2023 the time I actually started. It's been a great year of learning, exploring, and connecting

[f-m-radio]

more about me!

Fun fact I AM A HORROR MOVIE ADDICT here is whyyyyy:

I love horror movies there’s something special about them, they explore so many topics that I feel like aren’t often put on a viewers plate or just aren’t often discussed (which is why I love a good psychological horror). Not to mention how broad the «horror » category is, meaning there’s just so much that counts as horror you cannot get bored. One minute you could be watching blood and roses ( a personal fav) about lesbian vampires (OMG LESBIANS TERRIFYING ;) and next something like American psycho about a narcissistic investment banker by day and serial killer by night ( in the day time I’m Marinette I’m so sorry it just popped in my head). Another really fun thing about horror movies is websites like tubi where I purposefully seek out crappy films that call themselves horror. Some personal favs are « thanks killing », and the « evil bong » series I’ve only watched one but I’m pretty sure there is more. these films are so bad that they’re good yk, they’re what you watch when you want to zone in and out and here some crazy out of context stuff eg. A turkey wearing a little girls dads face and convincing her it’s her dad ( little red riding hood core🤩) mostly they are gore and blood but they can also be full of funny cliches and basically be horror comedies, the only issues with that tho would be they become infinitely less funny if they try to be. ANYWAYSSSS there is atleast 100000 more reasons but I chose not to talk ur ear off here are some recs of my favsssss

Cabin fever

sleep away camp

silence of the lambs ( absolute classic)

Lights out

Midsommar (everyone loves it for a REASON)

Reef (ok it’s a shark movie you got me but I swear it’s good)

Rosemarys baby ( LOVE LOVE LOVE)

The thing

Evil dead ( 1981, all want down hill for me when Linda started singing lullabies)

Wickerman

Get out

Babadook ( AUSSIE HORROR REPPP but also I watched this in a bnb at 1:00am and that shit scared me for real)

thx for listening to my rant and suggestions Pookie 😋

[armed-saphire]

if you had been writing the women in metal gear what would you change with them (a lot i know) because i feel like just the idea of women being written well in metal gear will benefit us all

I'm answering but just so we all know my qualifications here are just that I'm a woman I am not a writer or game designer or whatever also as it goes on I get more pissed off so it gets a little messy structure wise hope that's ok anyways here's what I wrote:

Um ok, so it would take sooo long to write a full structured analysis so I'll give little things for each character. Uhh mgs1 make Meryl less of just a flat love interest stand-in because the rest of her backstory in that game feels like it’s shoehorned in to make it seem like she has actual character when she's just meant as the glorified damsel in distress (not to say she can't need help but a lot of it felt like a bunch of "leave me Snake, I can't help you I'm just a GIRL!!"). Also, this is just my personal HC but it would add so much to her if she was transgender but it's not like NEEDED- anyway also Naomi was meant to be brown idk what happened but I would return her melanin to her I think. Mei Ling is mostly fine character-wise but I would remove all of Snake's weird advances and comments about her. I would actually remove that from all of his interactions with women in that game I think. OH and Sniper Wolf should put the thangs away I'm thinking like a fur coat and also I want her whole character to be more than just a sexy lady with a tragic past. her speaking in a seductive voice 80% of the time and just being honestly creepy was stupid. I think she could just be a person maybe. that would be cool I think. She could've been just tough and standoffish and then revealed her true feelings as she was dying instead of all the weird seductive stuff

Ok now Mgs2, Fortune is pretty much fine but I wish she didn’t have her booty cheeks out on the seemingly cold big shell bc Raiden was shivering and sneezing like a little wet dog when he lost his suit so I'd assume she’s cold too. if she was wearing some cool pants or something that would be neat but other than that I think she's pretty well written. next Emma ummm her personality itself isn't the issue to me but I didn’t like how Raiden was kind of creepy towards her (not really but like. “You should wear contacts” I'll punch him maybe). Also, she should've had a cooler outfit but that's it. Honestly, I’d have to rewatch or replay Mgs2 to get a good grasp of her character but I see no crazy issues. Rosemary omg I think she’s fine but I hated how it kind of felt like it was Raiden and Campbell vs Rose and she always loses even in non-canon codecs it was so annoying. Other than that once again I will have to listen to the codecs again because I haven't heard all of them in a while. Actually, I just remembered I didn't like how she was kind of written to be oddly insecure?? Ig?? I mean she spent a lot of time in codecs talking about personal stuff and not the mission which I guess was intentional but I found it odd. Olga’s fine no notes. Don’t think there's anyone else. (skipping mgs3 bc it only has 3 women and I think they’re all written ok I don't have many issues.) Ok, mgs4 for the B&B unit I will refer you to this post because I’ve already talked about it. other than that Meryl was actually really good until the final part on outer haven that was so bad “I can't protect anyone” or whatever she said girl fuck off the only reason she said that was so that big strong man Johnny Sasaki could come to save her omg fuck you also Johnny Sasaki should die that's crucial to this anyway, Mei Ling was fine but I’d remove the codec call where Otacon and Snake say that Mei Ling probably just slept with older men to get to her job position I just think I wouldn't have that in the game probably. Naomi ok so I haven't finished mgs1 so I can't tell you exactly if what she does in Mgs4 is fucked up compared to how she is in mgs1 I mean personality wise but also I was eating a really gross ass sandwich when I watched one of her long cutscenes and it skewed my perception of her a bit oh also I would personally like to button her shirt up for her. uh idk Rose once again was fine but also I’m killing everyone for the mistranslation from the JP version of mgs4 that in English made her seem like some evil liar idk anyway you look that up if you really wanna know it’s on Twitter. uh who else does Sunny count doesn't matter she's fine no issues. 

GZ you already know what I'm going to say also TPP so I'm skipping it also I'm not wasting my time getting triggered for no reason so like read my mind or something

Because I skipped 3 games I’ll do MGR Courtney her character itself was fine I didn't like the codecs where 1 Raiden jokes that she should get lipo and 2 the call that's just Raiden and Kevin talking about how much they don't wanna date her also her design is so like beauty standards boring as shit at least make her look cool or something idk. and Mistral I’m so tired of femme fatale characters in Metal Gear it’s not cute it’s not like empowering the way it’s done her entire character is sexualized and it is JUST because she's a woman. I said this about Wolf too it’s hard to feel bad for a character’s sad war backstory when it is also very clear they’re just meant to be a sexual object with no substance it’s not cute either it's just stupid. Also, there’s other stupid sexist codecs about her too obviously lastly uh Sunny’s also in it she's fine whatever

also i just noticed i skipped peace walker but like whatever its fine lol