#i also only speak english and my head hurts so im sorry if those last lines arent right or smth

[starryybugs]

There's a man staring at them from across the room. More specifically, there's a man staring at Roier from across the room.

Roier doesn't need to turn around to tell, he can feel the eyes on the back of his neck, and he can see Cellbit's eyes looking over his shoulder. It's fine, Roier is more than used to staring at this point.

What he's not used to, is his date looking so upset over it. It's kind of cute, Cellbit's brow is furrowed and he's clearly trying to hold back a scowl. He looks almost like a disgruntled cat, and Roier's sure he'd be growling if he could.

He reaches forward over the table, taking Cellbit's hands in his own and wrapping his tail around the other's leg.

"Hey, gatinho, look at me," he smiles as Cellbit's attention snaps back to his face. "It's fine, relax."

"He's looking at you," Cellbit mutters, hands clenching in Roier's own. "He's staring at you."

Roier blinks at the way he says those words, as if the man across the bar is committing some great crime. Cellbit leans over the table to plant a kiss on Roier's head, right between his horns, unlinking their hands and gently removing Roier's tail from his leg.

"I'll be right back, guapito," is all he says before he slides out of the booth and makes his way across the bar to the man.

Roier's ear flicks as he hears Cellbit speaking, his voice low and dangerous as he asks what the hell he thinks he's looking at. His voice makes him shiver in his seat, resting his cheek on his hand as he turns his head to watch his boyfriend.

He's heard that tone only a handful of times, Cellbit's usually a pretty relaxed guy. But gods does Roier wish he wasn't as collected sometimes, especially if he gets to hear him like this more often. It's making his heart flutter and his tail thump happily against his seat.

He lets out a soft, dreamy sigh, his finger tracing small hearts on the table as he hears the man stammer under Cellbit's cold stare. If only he could see his face, he's sure he looks beautiful right now. He always does, but his anger is something else to behold.

Roier looks up as Cellbit walks back to their table and slides into the booth next to him, humming as he wraps his arms around his sexy, pissed off boyfriend.

"That was hot," Roier comments, snickering as Cellbit flushes.

"You heard that?" he asks, turning his head to look back at him.

"Sí. Muy hot. Sexy," Roier grins, nuzzling into Cellbit's neck and scraping his fangs against his skin to feel him jump.

Cellbit grumbles, but leans his head back against Roier's shoulder anyway. He lifts his arm off of Roier's briefly, allowing him to wrap his tail around it just the way he likes.

"Guapito."

"Hm?"

"You're purring," Cellbit looks at him, eyes soft and curious. "Did you like it that much?"

"Sí. Me gusta cuando soy tuyo."

"Bem, você é meu. E eu sou seu."

And isn't that a nice thought? It makes Roier purr even harder.

[kaisooconnection]

Hi!! Recently I've doubting kaisoo's relationship, i didn't mean to. I have anxiety and trust issues that's why whenever I'm seeing a post abt some of j*nkai shippers, I'm starting to lose my sanity and thinking some thought abt "what ifs" i just want toake sure that kaisoo is real, im going to risk everything to this matter but at the back of my head says don't expect too much, and it's hurting me.

Pls comfort me with some of their moments! They're my life!

Sorry for my english, it's not my first language

Hello darling,

I'm so sorry it took me a while to answer this. I don't usually get any asks so this came as a very pleasant surprise.

Sweetheart, it really sounds like you're suffering with this issue and I'm so very sorry to hear that. I want to give you some kind words to soothe your aching heart, but, before I can only give you my opinion and feeling on the subject. You are free to take my advice or completely ignore me. Just know that what I'm about to say comes from a good place of me caring for kaisoo and their supporters.

The part of your ask where you said "I'm going to risk everything for this matter" - I think this is the part that is causing you such heart ache. I have always felt that kaisoo is real. I have felt it in my bones. I have been in love before and I know what those subtle looks and touches mean. I could give you hundreds of kaisoo moments to prove to you that they are real because to us they look like two people who are truly in love.

However, to other people, they look at kaisoo and see nothing (we will come back to k*stal fans later....they are an exception to this). They just see kaisoo as friends who share a deep connection, some even look at them and think they are being fake and it's fanservice.

The point I'm trying to make is that it's all about perspective. Different people will look at the same situation and perceive it differently. This is why, when you look at a post that claims kaisoo are just friends and are not in a relationship, your heart sways a little bit. You feel like "ah, maybe they aren't real". It's because the comments that people that don't ship kaisoo make can also be reasonable. Maybe an accidental touch of the hand or stroke of the arm is nothing special between friends. Maybe they have a point.

But....

With kaisoo....

It's not just a touch of the hand. It's how long the hand stays there and lingers, savoring the touch. It's how the hands move towards each other like muscle memory, like magnetism.

The stroke of the arm that allows soo to feel all of the curves and muscles in jongin's arms. His hand then travelling all the way down his arm to squeeze his hand. This doesn't seem like a simple touch between bandmates/friends.

I think those kaisoo sceptics don't take the time to really watch those kaisoo moments and see them fully to see what we see. In the past I have tried to look at it from a sceptics perspective. But, I still just saw way too much love between kaisoo to just be a friendship.

The point I'm trying to make (and I'm sorry for taking so long to get there) is that it's perfectly normal to question kaisoo, especially when you read posts convincingly arguing that they are just very good friends. Don't be hard on yourself. It's good to question what you believe.

However, also in those moments ask yourself why you didn't look at kaisoo as just friends yourself? Why did you always see them as a couple right from the start? What did your intuition tell you when you first started shipping kaisoo that made you feel that they were a real couple?

And the answer is, most likely, that you saw something in them and in the way that they interact that convinced you they were more than just bandmates and friends. Trust in your intuition because there are plenty of people that see what you see and think the same about kaisoo. Please let that ease your mind. You are not alone. We all believe kaisoo is a couple.

Now, about the kxk and kxstal shippers....they are a special case because they use fake evidence and rumors to discredit kaisoo. They don't show any evidence of kaisoo being heterosexual. They also don't provide any evidence of jongin enjoying spending time with the girls he has had scandals with. After so much recent dating/marriage news coming from s*m and other companies showing blossoming couples, why didn't that happen with jongin? Simple. Because it was fake af. So, please ignore these shippers. They aren't questioning kaisoo's relationship. They are just pushing a heteronormative narrative on those boys. While I totally recommend questioning what you believe about kaisoo, I don't recommend listening to these shippers. They are spreading a toxic narrative that I take real issue with.

The last thing I want to say to you, my dear kaisoo supporter, is that you are beautiful, kind and loving and you have a wonderful heart. I know that because you see true love between kaisoo and I think you have to have an open heart and mind to see the truth in kaisoo's relationship. You have so much to offer the world. Please go and spread that love you have with the world. And one day when we are older and kaisoo feel comfortable coming out with their truth then let's celebrate together. Until then, please don't let the truth of kaisoo's relationship consume your life. You should let kaisoo inspire you to do great things. In the meantime can enjoy the moments we have of them already and savour those interactions until they give us their truth.

Let's spread the love that kaisoo share with those around us and the rest of the world. I think we all need a little bit of that love right now.

Take care of yourself, dear. And remember that you are not alone in this. Kaisoo supporters stand strong with you.

P.S. Please never apologise for your English. Your English is great and your ask was very clear! I'm always impressed by how fluently non-native English speakers are at conveying their feelings in another language. I wish I could speak more languages but I'm not that gifted. Kaisoo really have some gifted fans!

[ellieswhoreeee]

The Two of Us. pt 2

authors note; thank you guys for the support, it really means a lot to me! Im glad you guys liking the story so far! Anyways, here’s part two! Also, i’d like to apologize in advance for any errors or if something doesn’t make sense. English isn’t my first language so i’m sorry if there’s something wrong :)

Endgame pairings: Ellie Williams x fem! reader.

Warnings: Violence, marijuana, swearing, ect.

———————————————————————

It really hurt seeing them together.

You felt the disappointment, the hurt and the jealousy as they simply talked. Though you know there was a deeper meaning behind their seemingly innocent conversation. You know more than anyone about them. Being one Ellie’s best friends is both a blessing and a curse.

She smiled, looking slightly flustered after Cat whispered something in her ear, and you couldn’t help but clench your jaw at that.

It was a troubling sight, really it was. Everything seemed so off. Like it wasn’t real. But it was. Ellie was laughing with the cool girl who can do tattoos, one of your friends. God, it really felt like you were getting jabbed in the heart over and over again.

But you had no right to jealous at all. She wasn’t yours to be jealous about.

Cat looked around, making sure nobody was looking- but held eye contact with you for a moment before she leaned in and kissed Ellie on the lips. That’s when you finally looked away, continuing to fix Gemini’s saddle.

Gemini was tied to the fence by the barn and was close to the fence. Other horses lined up beside his right side. Today’s group was getting to leave for the morning. Earlier than usual.

Mondays are rough.

“How long have they been together now?” Jesse asked when he walked over to you as you were packing up for patrol. You turned to look at him so you could have an actual conversation. He looked directly into your eyes, almost as if he was trying to figure you out. Jesse was someone who could see everything with one look. You kinda hated him for knowing so much about how you felt about Ellie without telling him much about it.

“…I wanna say 2 months, but we both know it’s been longer than that.” You replied with a frown, continuing to distract yourself by finishing to prep Gemini for patrol.

“Y/n, could you stop looking so miserable? It’s starting to bum me out.”

You chuckled lightly, finally stepping away from Gemini and decided to lean against the wooden fence beside your horse. Jesse decided to the same, and he leaned against it with you. You looked down at your hands, deciding to pick at your cuticles just so you wouldn’t look at the couple. “Why don’t you look just as miserable as me? Didn’t Dina break up with you? Again.”

“Ouch, you really know how to turn on certain emotions.”

“I’m serious. Like, i haven’t been broke up with, yet here i am…” You paused, you stopped picking at your cuticles just to look across the street, where the couple was. Happily minding their business. Ellie and Cat were talking and laughing sweetly. Again, with that pain in your chest. “Utterly heartbroken.”

Jesse patted you on the back, it was his way of comforting you since he had no idea how else to help. “It won’t get easier. One moment you think you’re stronger than whatever you’re feeling but then… you realize it doesn’t matter how good you hide it. If you keep on hiding it, the pain will get to you before you can express those feelings properly.”

“I’m gonna be honest Jesse… I have no idea what you mean by that.”

“Of course you don’t…” He mumbled with a laugh. Again he patted you on the back and pushed himself off the fence. “Think about it clearly.” He then walked off, somewhere towards Maria and some other adults.

Again, you and Gemini were left alone together.

You couldn’t help but think about what Jesse brought up earlier. What did he mean by that? You’re not sure how to process what he meant. Either you were completely clueless- or Jesse tried to be all wise but failed.

“Y/n! Come over here.” You heard Maria’s voice, which broke you from your trance. You left Gemini tied to the post as you walked over to Maria and some other people. Mila and Benji smirk at you as you walk closer. Mila and Benji are your close friends and have been for a while. Though you haven’t seen them lately because of work. Everyone is extra busy lately. Mostly.

“Look who finally decided to join us.” Benji remarked as he wrapped his arm around you once you were close. He pulled you closer and walked towards Maria’s table that was used for placing maps for patrol.

You pushed him off of you gently and made a grossed out face at him. “You really stink, Benji. When was the last time you took a shower?”

Benji only smiled and raised his left arm up to smell his armpit and his clothes too. “It’s my natural musk, all the ladies love it.”

You and Mila looked at each other simultaneously. It was as if you were on the same wavelength. Both of your rolled your eyes at him. “As a lady, i will be speaking for everyone when i say you smell nasty.” Mila exposed truthfully while crossing her arms on her chest.

“Hold up, you’re not a lady, you’re a brute.”

“Oh, i’m the brute? You haven’t taken a proper shower in weeks. Jumping into lakes and rivers don’t count.”

“Says who? It’s more natural,”

“More like nasty.”

You ignored the two bickering idiots and moved closer to the table where Maria was. “What were you thinking Maria?” You asked, looking down at the map of the area. It stretched out for miles.

She looked up at you. “Have you ever done the urban trails? It leads up to the dam checkpoint.”

You shook your in response. “I haven’t. Do you want me to take that route? You should pair me up with someone who’s done that trail then.”

There’s a lot of trails, so there are at least 10 or 15 trails you’ve never done before. These type of trails are the longer routes. The reason you haven’t done those routes is because Tommy isn’t that confident in you to take on the longer routes.

But now it was different, not only are you older but more capable of handling yourself more than anyone.

“You’re right…” Maria paused, she was thinking, trying to slowly put some pieces together. “But there isn’t anyone on duty right now who knows the trails that i can think of.”

Jesse’s head perked up at what she said, smirking at you from across the table. He was right next to Maria like always. She trusts him a lot because he was also a natural leader. “Actually, Ellie knows that trail.”

You instinctively felt your heartbeat start to speed up, and your face started to warm up at his insinuation. You knew what he was doing. “Ellie and Dina are already planning on running their routes on chestnut drive. I can take a group and we’ll figure it out together.” You intervened, giving Jesse a look that said, ‘shut up’.

“No, Jesse is right. You and Ellie can take the urban trails. It’ll be much faster with you two clearing that area. We can’t send a group to one trail- especially not now when we’ve been getting reports of infected in the southern territories- the opposite direction of urban trails.”

You sighed, knowing that her words were always final. You scratched the back of your neck- feeling an inch. “I’ll go let Ellie know. Jesse talk to Dina.” You give him another glare and just he smiled, sending a wink your way.

You turned around, looking over at where Cat and Ellie were still talking. Lately, things have been awkward between you two. It may have something to do with the fact that you maybe- just maybe that you were avoiding her.

It didn’t really matter, Ellie hasn’t noticed anything differently anyways. Or so you assumed.

“Ellie!” At the sound of your voice she quickly turned away from her girlfriend. She dropped Cats hands and fully turned to face you. Her full attention was now on you. But of course, you didn’t notice that either. “Assignments! Let’s go, kiss your girlfriend goodbye and get your ass on shimmer!”

It was getting easier to hide your feelings, even your distain for the couple and how you felt about Ellie.

“Fuck… Alright, just give me a minute!”

You gave her a thumbs up, and turned away. You walked towards your horse, seeing Jesse waiting there for you. He must have finished talking with Dina. He held out a hunting rifle and a shotgun towards you. He looked between both guns. “Which one do you prefer?” He questioned.

You smiled, looking at both guns. “Quite the tough question, Jes.”

Ellie walked up behind you, looking right over your shoulder. She was so close to you. Your breathe hitched lightly as she observed both guns. “I think you’re more of a rifle girl. It suits you more than a shotgun.”

Jesse grinned, and his eyes sparkled for a moment when you looked at him. He then nodded, agreeing with what Ellie had said. “That settles that then.” He held the rifle for you to take, which you did. Jesse then passed the shotgun to Ellie.

With the help of the sling, you tossed the rifle over your shoulder. Ellie was staring at you, trying desperately to get your attention without having to say anything but you were occupied with Gemini once again. She sighed, and decided to just start the conversation.

“So… Where have you been lately? I haven’t seen you around, not even in the mess hall.” Ellie hesitated but walked over to Gemini’s mane. You were by his saddle, and when you stared into her eyes it felt like it was only you and her. Instinctively, your eyes trailed from her eyes to her lips. You couldn’t help it. She was so close. Ellie shyly looked down at her hands as she continued to mess with Gemini’s mane. “I’ve uh… Missed hanging out with you. We still haven’t finished our halo campaign.”

You bit the inside of you cheek, and decided that laughing nervously would help ease your nerves. “Yeah, i’m sorry about that. I asked Maria for more assignments since… You know, i have nothing better to do.”

Ellie wanted to say something but held her tongue. She wanted to say something to continue your conversation but you interrupted her instead. “Listen, Maria wants you and me to handle the urban trails. Pretty sure we have to replace Danny and Axel at the dam checkpoint …”

“You and i,” Ellie corrected suddenly, making you stare at her in disbelief and confusion. She gave you a smirk. “You said ‘you and me’ but that isn’t proper grammar.”

You rolled your eyes playfully at her. “Fuck off, Williams. Did you even listen to a word i said?”

“So, we’re back to last names? Since when?”

“Since you decided to be a grammar queen, you dick.”

“Woah! Language, there are children around, L/n!”

“The only child i see is you.” You replied with a happy smile on your face. You and Ellie climbed on your horses and waited by the gates. Ellie continue to talk to you like nothing was wrong- well, not like she knew if there was something wrong anyways. You kept stuff to yourself.

You missed this. You missed hanging out with Ellie. You just… Missing having her by your side, kicking the worlds ass together but now… Ellie was with Cat. Her relationship put a wedge on your friendship. You felt farther away to Ellie then ever.

Everything has changed. Which sucked because you weren’t sure how to deal with the changes. It was all going by so fast. You just wished everything was different. It was selfish of you but… You didn’t care.

“Y/n, you with me?” Ellie snapped you out of your thoughts. She looked back at you as the gates opened.

You nodded. “Always.”

[burnedbyshoto]

Character of your choice dying in battle and leaving behind a letter telling reader how much they loved them but never said

“this is addressed to you.”

your eyes stung when you stared at the man before you dressed in a government official outfit.

“im sorry, but whats going on?”

“while we were clearing out Mindjacks... Shinsou’s place, we came across this letter and it was addressed to you.”

you took the letter, your heart in shreds at the sight of the neat scrawl of your name on the aged and soiled envelope. the man left without a word more leaving you in your doorway with a letter from your best friend who you had lost a week ago.

but you couldn’t put yourself through reading this letter, not when every time you thought of him your head hurt.

his quirk was powerful, extremely powerful.

without him the world would have gone under multiple times over, but always got the upper hand. he always got the upper hand... but when it came to fighting a group of villains with one whose quirk who took away the ability to speak — something specifically to counter shinsou — your best friend sacrificed himself for the greatest good.

you didn’t even get to say goodbye.

one week went bye and the unopened letter sat on your kitchen counter.

one month later and it went opened but the letter never made it out of the envelope, sitting instead in a drawer because still it made you cry when you saw it.

three years went by and you were packing up your apartment. you had found someone you loved, and you were moving in together officially. while the thoughts and memories of shinsou no longer haunted your mind in your apartment, it was something you actively ignored.

but in the middle of shuffling through your papers that sat in your desk, you came across the same soiled and aged envelope addressed to you.

“what do you want me to do with this?” came the voice of your lover, and with a second of thought, you addressed what you were doing with it.

but the letter felt heavy as lead in your fingers.

you were strong now, you thought.

you could do this, you nodded.

but your fingers trembled strongly, your stomach twisting and turning while you pulled out the letter with tears already pressing into your eyes.

the letter was in the same state as envelope. soiled, aged, but with plent upon plenty of crossed out words, tears in the paper, water marks on the paper. it had obviously gone through a lot and you didn’t know why it made smile.

shinsou always carried himself with an air of perfection, and the state of the letter just confirmed that he was just as big of a disaster as any other person here.

a sharp inhale through your lips, and you began to read:

“y/n,

i’m doing this because writing you this letter because i’m not good with words. we’ve been friends since forever high school and you’ve been a beautiful stupid and weird person since day one. you were the only hero course student who saw me as an equal, which if i’m being honest there’s probably more who did too, but you were the one I cared about most.

I promised that on your eighteenth birthday I was going to confess to you. to tell you that of everyone in the world you were the one I wanted at my side the most because in a crowd of a million people that I only cared for, your reaction was the only one I wanted to see the most.

I like you.

I have feelings for you.

I like like you.

do you remember that night where you found out that i’d never been karaoking before? you took me along with those annoying guys from our class? okay, they’re not annoying. they’re great, sorry. but that was the night I didn’t want to do anything at all, I remember not wanting to go out with you or the others, but because there—

when you smiled in the middle of that horrible, horrible english rock song, I realized then how much I appreciated you as a friend.

but as I grew to be your friend more, the more I became aware that I didn’t want to be just your friend.

as time went by I became obsessed with your stupid smile, your horrible jokes, the way that your eyes always brightened when I learned how to imitate people’s voices outside of my gadget.

I love you.

love you.

but again, i’m writing this letter because there’s something i’ve been needing to tell you, but find myself fumbling whenever I try to confess to you.

i’ve attempted to confess to you over twenty times, and I keep messing that up. you have a really horrible way of twisting my tongue when I want to be honest, and well, writing this for you is sometimes easier although I do keep fucking up here.

i’m in love with you. I love you more than anything in this world, and I don’t know when i’ll gather the courage to leave this for you to read, but I know even if it’s within two days or twenty years, i’ll never ever stop loving you. you are the reason why I am a pathetic mess, but also a reason why i’m so much better than I ever thought possible. I love you so much, stupidly so, and I hope that one day i’ll give this to you.

- shinsou (2/5)”

the tears wouldn’t stop falling from your cheeks, but there was no audible sob while you read the date. three years since his death, seven years since shinsou had apparently written this letter.

he’s been in love with you for years and you never knew. you had also loved him. since the first moment he opened his big dumb mouth in apology you had loved him, but he was still gone. he haunted the halls of your apartment and the depths of your heart, but still, you couldn’t let this hurt you.

but even with the logic behind this all, and his last words telling you to keep moving no matter what, you couldn’t cry louder than a soft whimper, and you couldn’t move no matter how hard you tried.

[burgerkang000]

Email for better love lives

I HAVE A NAME FOR THIS ONE YAAAAAY

im doing the read more thing, cuz u know scrolling ugh

@beyoncesdragon @aixy-hpsa (if anyone else wanna be tagged, let me know!!!)

This is a Yunho fic!

enjoy?

You met San at a compulsory public speaking class, where only you both had to attend for grades; it was filled with nerds who came voluntarily. And your bond begin with bored out glances at each other and loud sighs exchanged. And after that you guys hung out a lot, went to get coffee while doing homework, caught rides with each other, and waved whenever your paths crossed.

You met Yunho when San wanted you to meet his friends that he wouldn’t stop talking about, which made you slightly jealous; you yearned for a bond like that. You pushed that thought away, nothing good comes with jealousy. And while San and his friends would go about their own business, you would stick to the side-lines, not knowing what to say or do, even though they try their best to include you.

Yunho would be the one to keep you company, actively telling you about his day and attentively listen when you were asked about yours. He would also help you study and take you out to grab coffee when San would be too busy.

Anyone would be a fool to not fall for Yunho, with his smile that make his eyes crinkle at the corners, teeth on display, fluffy hair. Who wouldn’t fall for him, at least you could keep it inside, and no one had to know.

“Look at Yunho in this picture, he looks so handsome” San shows you the pictures from your quick break before the exams to the arcade. You take a glance, damn. You know that the moment you open your mouth, you’re screwed.

“Hmm”

“I don’t like it when you’re vague” 

“Yes Yunho is cute” That’s all you plan on saying anyways, but you had to panic, because what if San thinks you’re not commenting on it too much and picks up that you’re crushing on Yunho? Ok, so you were overthinking.

“Too cute that it’s impossible he exists, I mean I see him every day but it’s not like I believe he’s real, there is a limit to being cute and all. I mean a recreation of a Greek god- I mean he should be a Greek God himself-”

You were cut short by San’s exploding laughter and as you voice your confusion to him, he still laughs until you violently shake him-

“Yah! Why are you laughing?”

He finally calms down enough to tell you-

“Just say you have a crush on him”

You open your mouth to deny-

“Admit it~” He says scrolling through his phone again.

You huff out, San was your best (read: only) friend, it wouldn’t hurt to tell him, so you nod the tiniest bit, and San grins from ear to ear.

“I mean, I didn’t see it coming, but when you started rambling off like that, it was obvious.”

You sigh.

“You tell this to anyone, I will personally murder you”

“Sure sure”

And after that, he thankfully let you change the topic.

 .

.

.

Ever since then, whenever you’d meet Yunho, right after that, you’d whip out your phone to text San; something vague like-

“He’s wearing a red sweater”

“He dyed his hair blue!”

“Kill me”

And then you’d go home and text San about how a person; a human, cannot simply be so beautiful, and ramble off about him.

 .

.

 .

“But sir, I don’t have an email” You tell the professor, who has just asked to submit your assignment by mail.

“Don’t whine to me, and make one, is there a student your age without email? How do you have social media accounts?”

“I don’t have them” you reply

“Just make one, it’s extremely useful, and won’t take much of your time” He said, in a brushing off manner, guess he doesn’t believe you.

You nod and sigh as you leave to the next class. If you can’t whine to your professor, you can whine to Yunho. Who listens to the whole thing like the god damn angel he is, and as you open your phone to create one, he gently coaxes it out of your hand, asks you if it’s okay if he creates one for you instead and when you nod he turns his attention to the phone, while you’re just dumbly staring at your hand, where Yunho’s hand made contact with yours.

“Look, I sent my self a mail using yours, lets chat on mail for a while, you can get used to it” He says, you nod, and talk for a while, and then Yunho had to go. You wave at him while he leaves and you text San.

“What’s your mail?”

And when you finally get it, you send him a mail.

URGENT: JEONG YUNHO TOUCHED MY HAND, I REPEAT JEONG YUNHO TOUCHED MY HAND, MOM COME PICK ME UP PLEASE.

I MEAN HE WAS FABULOUS TODAY TO, IF IT WASN’T OBVIOUS; HIS HAIR WAS SO SOFT I CLIKED A PIC, LOOK:

[Image attached]

DO ME A FAVOUR, WHEN I DIE, SIT ON THE VERY SAME CHAIR HE’S SITTING ON, LOOK AT THE SAME DEIRECTION HE’S LOOKING AT AND BURY ME THERE, WHILE YOUR AT IT PRINT THIS ON MY GRAVESTONE.

WHEN I DIE PLEASE TELL HIM I LOVE HIM IN THE OTHER WAY.

BYEBYE

Later that day you get a reply from San saying that you’re too dramatic and an email from Yunho, which you didn’t think much about the time. He was the one who wanted to talk in mail, so you open it and-

And you realise you accidently send it to him too.

*cue freak out*

“So I must have send it to him too-” San blinks at you for a while and then-

Laughs at your face saying random things like

“This is gold”

“Nonononono”

“Never in my life- never”

At this point, you think he’s just spewing English vines that he’s been watching a bit too much to be considered healthy. And now you’re overcome with sadness, and as soon as he notices, he starts apologising and you bow you head, you think you look like a rag doll, and then cry. And san runs circles on you back, occasionally tucking strands of hair behind you ear and wait till you finish.

After a good while of snot- running type of crying, puffy eyes and ringing ears, you start to ramble, a habit that got you here in the first place.

“I don’t think I’m ready for rejection, I mean I was perfectly fine watching him from the side-lines. Heck I would watch him get married and I’d probably say nothing, like I’m not dying inside, proceed to get married, I’m crying tears of happiness-”

“What makes you so sure that he’s going to reject you?”

“I don’t know ok? But this isn’t a movie, he sees me as a friend and I had to go and catch feelings for him.”

San sighs.

“So, what’re you going to do now?”

 .

.

.

It was hard, but you finally managed to blackmail San to help you avoid Yunho situations.

“And how long do you plan to do this?”

“Until my plane ticket and Visa to Alaska are approved and I change my name to Veronica Fall”

He looks at you, and the look speaks for itself, you’re being dramatic. You raise your arms in mock surrender and flop on top of the bed.

“Tomorrow everyone is hanging out, Yunho will be there, you coming?”

You pointedly grin at his cheeky expression, and he mimics the way you had surrendered just a few moments ago.

 .

.

.

You stare at the response you had given to all the missed calls from Yunho.

I’m busy

Sorry, I was showering

I’m going to be busy for a while.

And you watch as the three dots move, and then stop and then move again, you feel as if your heartbeat moves along with those dots, stopping when it disappears, and then finally a response.

We need to talk, I gave you your time, and it’s not fair.

You feel like this is a new side of Yunho you haven’t seen, an assertive one. And you realise, just because you’re a coward, doesn’t mean that you can leave Yunho in the dark, even though you have fears of Yunho leaving you, getting awkward; deep down, you know, that Yunho, he’d never treat your feelings as something useless. And that makes you feel more in love.

And who knows unrequited love may not be so bad, maybe, just maybe; for Yunho it might not be so bad.

Fine

After sending the last text, you get up to clean the place, take out boxes littered about, and books and papers all lying about that you haven’t cared to put away. You do the dishes, and tie your hair into a pony, you’re distracting yourself from the real problem of facing him, for now you let yourself do it; later, you can scream at yourself.

And a right when you reach for the broomstick that you had tucked in deep behind the storage room; you hear a knock at your door.

You don’t think much about it, until you open the door. Low and behold; Yunho was standing at the doorway, a determined look on his face and he walks past you into the house.

You can’t help but think; geez, come on in. But you’re just salty.

And he opens his phone and shows it at your face, too close to read, practically in between your eyes, its touching your nose too. And you’re the dramatic one.

“Explain; explain this email, that was, I figure, supposed to be sent to San, explain why you’ve been avoiding me and my calls, and wherever I go right after I replied to this, I’m not going or letting you go until you do.”

And his voice cracks at the end bit, but you don’t notice, you’re in a bubble of thinking; thinking how to phrase this, just overthinking; maybe.

And moments which feel like hours pass, and you decide to do this the ripping off the band aid way. But it turned out more like the ramble it off way

“I like you? No, no that came out wrong… I love you? Yes, I’m pretty sure I love you, and don’t worry I know you’re not into me that way-”

And you don’t know what really happened; there was a hand on your face, right under your nose, and he was right in front of you.

“Sometimes, everything you say is nonsense.” He breathes, you open your mouth to respond, and he applies more pressure with his palm, to keep you quiet. You can’t help but think of the way your lips mouthed at his palm, not the time; not the time at all.

And then he continues.

“You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that, the moment I got that email, it took me a few minutes to understand, but when I did, I already pictured our five adopted cats, not gonna lie”

Your eyes widen in shock, did he just indirectly say he like you back, in the form of cats? This is why you fell for him in the first place.

“Did I creep you out? I must have creeped you out, forget I said that.”

And you laugh behind his palm, and he slowly removes it, moves it to your shoulder, drags it down the length of your arm, and interlocks it with your hand, a sweet smile on his face, the contagious one, so it’s only law that you smile back, teeth and all, since you can’t hold it back.

“We should go on a date.”

“That; we must.”

.

.

.

You were on one of your many dates, too wind up in each other to not notice the others who also wanted to hang out with you, you totally kept the news from San; you and Yunho are in this together, so he needs to also be comfortable with telling San, after a lot of thinking, you both settle on letting them find out, which may take years to get in their daft heads, but for now, you both have put fate in them.

 .

.

.

San caught on way too quickly, the moment you enter the café and sit down, he says-

“So you’re not moving to Alaska? Or is your husband; Yunho moving with you?”

You blush and look down-

“Look, I can explain-”

And he breaks into a wide grin,

“I’m happy for ya”

.

.

.

You and Yunho were scrolling through many of the messages you have send to San; the ones fawning over Yunho, as much as he likes to get you flustered, he himself also gets flustered, so it’s a win-win situation.

“They haven’t caught on yet” you suddenly say.

It’s true, other than San none of them have caught on yet that you both have been dating, and that’s kind of weird, since it’s been almost a whole year.

But it’s not like you’re gonna sit them down and tell them. You and Yunho have a better plan.

Well you have a better plan.

“-and they walk in on us!”

“…..”

“Or not?”

“No”

You end up inviting them over for dinner, and as they take their first bites, you happily chirp in that you’re dating and Yunho adds that you’re moving in with, leaving everyone to choke on their food, except San, who had a cocky expression, which soon turned into a choking fit, who’s cocky now?

And Wooyoung looks up, and goes “Wait, you’re serious” and continues choking, this time on nothing.

 .

.

.

[awesamblr]

PART TWO OF GHOSTBUR!!! Since you seemed to like the first one! :D

They all pause for a moment to take in what they just heard.

Wilbur...? Doesn't remember them...?

Tommy is the first one to speak up, sounding more hurt and confused with just an edge of anger to the words. "We...We're your family, Wilbur!! Wil- ...Wil are you-" Tommy doesn't want to believe that Wilbur doesn't remember them, he doesn't want that... "Wil, you better not be fucking with us-" he starts again, sounding more angry, fresh tears beginning to fall. "Cause if you are, I swear to god-"

And he stops as he finds a hand on his shoulder. Tommy turns and finds Techno.

"Tommy...he doesn't remember us Tommy..."

Wilbur shifts around, floating around slightly and awkwardly. "Y-you all seem to care a whole lot..." his hand moves to his chest. "I can't remember how I died...I can hardly remember anything...I'm so sorry if you knew me well..."

Tommy gets angry again- calling it anger is a disservice to the emotional turmoil, he was upset and scared and happy and so so sad- and Techno gets ready to hold him back again when another voice interrupts them.

"Knew you...?" It was Phil... "Knew you??" He pulled up his hanging head and tears ran freely. "Hell, Wilbur- I RAISED YOU!! I know you better than I know myself!! Wilbur, don't you recognize me? Recognize us?" He takes a step toward Wil and so much pain and hurt reflects in Phil's eyes- it hurt to look at them. "Wilbur we're your family! Those are your brothers...!! And I'm-" he remembers the explosion, the pleading of his son- kill me, kill me, please kill me- and takes a shattered breath. "And I'm your father."

Wilbur looks around at the broken family.

A boy who looks as if he once held his entire world in his hands, only to have it melt through his fingers and spill to the floor.

A man who looks like chaos incarnate, now heavy with guilt and shame, a horrible tiredness running through him endlessly.

A boy who looks as though he'd been through hell and back with a smile on his face, still trying to be happy for others around him.

A man who looks as though he had the world. As though he had absolutely everything. And now his everything was gone.

And Wilbur speaks. "Was..." he gulps in a breath at the teary eyes, almost not wanting to know the answer to the question on his tongue. "Was I a good brother?"

Memories flood the minds of the family.

Tommy recalls times of when him and Wilbur would make huge pillow forts when they were younger and of how whenever Tommy was upset, Wil would come up behind him and lay himself over his shoulders in a lazy gesture- not quite a hug, but something that felt the same.

Tommy also remembered Wilbur, eyes alive with insanity and agressive cruelty. The Wilbur that would scream at Tommy and pound his fist against the wall and tell Tommy that he was hopeless.

Techno remembers times in his life where him and Wilbur would sneak out of the house together to go hunt mobs- Wilbur never really wanted to be there, but Techno would never have gone without him. He remembered how when Techno would lock himself in his room and quietly panic, only to hear the calm strummings of a guitar from the other side of the door until Techno calmed down.

Techno also remembered the Wilbur that wanted to blow up Manburg, that wanted Techno's help in it's destruction. The Wilbur that craved chaos and hurt and pain. The Wilbur he had helped to destroy good.

Tubbo recalls times after he was adopted into the family, times where he would struggle with reading and writing and Wilbur would silently walk over and help him. He remembers times when he feels lost and Wilbur would pass by him humming a tune Tubbo would recognize, and soon the two of them would be singing loudly in the livingroom and laugh when Phil came down and yelled at them.

Tubbo also remembered Wilbur, actions shaky and plagued as he spouted on and on about Manburg and L'manburg and would sing stuttering and manic lyrics to a half-finished song and scribling them to a wall of his insanity.

Phil remembered Wilbur, the moment he came into Phil's life, the moments that he would have to wrangle the pure-hearted chaos of the boy with eyes that sparkled with neverending wonder and curiosity and passion. He remembered moments when Wilbur would begin to cry or leave the house telling the others he was "going for a walk" when they all knew he would break down the moment the house left his sight- he remembered the way he once cried for an injured bird when Phil told him the animal wouldn't make it, and remembered the way that Phil wasted a health potion on the little bird that night, just to see him smile again.

And Phil remembered the Wilbur in the control room. His eyes, his voice, his actions- a shattered and twisted version of what Phil had known him to be. The way his voice cracked and the way his eyes were alive with pain and madness and the way he fell to his knees as the home he had built was blown to bits. Phil remembered the way that on his knees still, Wilbur grappled onto Phil's coat and begged him over and over to end him, so much pain and hurt and trapped craze in his voice it shattered Phil.

"Was I a good brother?"

They were silent.

And then a small word from a small boy- a boy now president of a ruined land. "You were the best big brother anyone could ask for, Wilbur." They looked to Tubbo, who hadn't spoken a word the entire time. His eyes still dripped tears, but he had the most wonderful smile on his face. "You were the coolest big brother in the world. Why do you think we're so happy to see you again?" He gave a wet laugh. "Hell, you were amazing! Did you know that you used to help me with my english homework cause I couldn't read? A-and you would sing songs with me when I was sad!! You were the kindest brother a man could ask for."

"For real, Big Man!!" It was Tommy's turn to speak as he tried fruitlessly to dry his eyes. "You don't remember, but you and me made the most massive forts and we would hide there for hours and scare Technoblade!" Tommy laughed fondly. "I remember one time Techno was carrying a stick and hit me on the head when i scared him. You sat down with me and told me that I was okay and that we were gonna whack Techno with a billion sticks when I felt better."

"You..." Techno was hesitant for only a fraction of a second. "You used to help me sneak out of the house and we'd do all sorts of crazy things. You always said you were watching after me to make sure i never got hurt." He gave an amused chuckle at the memories. "You would play guitar in the hallway when i was upset, no matter what time it was. You got in trouble a lot for that, but you never stopped."

"Wilbur..." They turned to Phil as he adressed his son. Phil remembered and remembered and couldn't stop remembering and everything he remembered was good and every single memory was filled with thoughts of Wilbur- that's my son!- even in his last moments, and even the moments after when Phil had known he was long gone but held him closely anyway, he remembered the way he felt. Wilbur had never stopped being his son, Phil had never once stopped loving him. "Are you proud of me, Phil?" And the blonde man let more tears roll down his cheeks.

Phil tugged the ghost man into his arms and held on as if he ever let go, Wilbur really would disappear and be gone forever. "I'm so proud of you, Wilbur..." He spoke into the ghostial yellow sweater his son wore. "You were and still are the best son a man could ask for...i know you forgot that. But you know now and that's all that matters. I'm sorry i wasn't a better father, but know that i am so proud of you...so so proud, Wilbur..."

And Wilbur hugs him back.

It's hesitant, but it's there.

And Phil's other sons will know that as Wilbur embraced his father, tears rolled down his face in an unstoppable flow of emotion that Wilbur himself didn't understand completely, but his brothers did.

Wilbur doesn't know why he was crying. He didn't remember these people. But their emotions and connections were so so strong he felt the hints of distant memories flood him.

Someone giggling as they stacked things together.

Someone singing loudly with him as they danced around a room.

Someone chatting and joking with him under the stars.

Someone there, always always there. They never left...and they loved him so much.

"So..." Wilbur tried to keep his voice even, but found he could not. "I was a good brother?"

He was flooded with more arms- the embrace of his siblings, all shouting and telling him he was wonderful.

Tubbo...he remembered the name and he felt emotions attached to the name and the face, but he couldn't remember why.

Tommy...he could recall emotions attached to that name and was flooded with involuntary emotions when he looked at his blue eyes.

Techno...he could recall the name like an old friend and knew immediately that he was a comrade- a friend- a brother? He knew that name but couldn't understand why.

And Phil...he knew Phil. The memories were so blocked and so fuzzy and he could only just make out a smiling face, but it was Phil. He didn't know why and he didn't know how but he loved that name.

He loved all their names, and was overcome with inexplicable emotions when he saw them.

"...Dad...?" Wilbur finally let the word fall from his lips.

Phil held him closer.

"You were the best son I could have ever asked for..."

(I can keep the story going if you want! I really like drabbling this it's so much fun lol! But for now this is a good stopping place cause the ask is hella long.)

MANNNN I AM IN L O V E. THE WAY YOU RIGHT IS SO NICE AND FLOWY AND IT ALL JUST WORKS SO OERFECTLY TOGETHER! AND THE PARALLELS??? MMMMMMM

PLEASE KEEP GOING IF YOU WANT IM BEGGING

[tofallinlovewithshadows]

Liveblog — St. Paul, Roy Wilkins Auditorium, 1999

Thank you to @theelliottsmiths for the recommendation!

Ah, is this the infamous drunk show? I suppose we’ll find out

WARNING: It’s a lot of me thirsting after Till. But I gotta be me, right?

Spiel mit mir

God, I love “Spiel mit mir” a little more every time I hear it.

The burning drum opening is the level of extra I have come to expect in my relatively short relationship with Rammstein.

Why do I love pigeon-toed Till so much? Such a masculine man, such child-like behavior—oh, there he is sucking his thumb again.

Watching Schneider drum is a sight to behold. That is all.

Tier

Aww, I always feel so proud of Till when he interacts with the audience. As someone who got a C in her public speaking class in college, I empathize with the stage fright.

I see you bobbing your head there, Oli.

Is Reesh wearing that coat or is the coat wearing him? Hard to tell.

Oh, Flake, when you dance, you remind me of one of those toy birds whose only function is to dip their heads in the water.

Intermission as I watch the Bachelor. Trust me, I’d rather be liveblogging this concert, but I’m in a group chat with my friends and it’s a complicated situation lol

Bestrafe mich

Okay, but that “OHHH” at the beginning did something to me.

I’m fairly vanilla, but there’s something about Till whipping himself?? I felt it for the first time when I watched the Rosenrot video and making of??

Fuck, his body. So nice. So foine. I love Chumby Till, but Ripped Till is gorgeous as well.

Sorry to be so thirsty...

Weisses Fleisch

The sparkler shoes. I would cause mass destruction if I ever dared wear those.

FLEISCH FLEISCH FLEISCH

Honestly, being at a Rammstein concert would be a hell of a way to find out you have epilepsy.

Schneider’s hips and Flake’s legs. That is all.

Sehnsucht

Yet another song that I enjoy the more I hear it.

Till standing still onstage always makes me feel like he’s mid-panic attack and I just

Is it the lighting/quality of the video or is Oli (supposed to look like he’s) covered in blood?

Not complaining, but why do Paul and Oli swap places onstage? Is this song more bass-heavy than I’ve ever noticed?

I love this bridge with the clapping; it makes me happy for reasons I cannot articulate.

Fuck, he just wrecked that microphone.

Asche zu Asche

It makes me happy when Richard and Paul stand in the middle of the stage and riff :’)

I can’t say this is one of my favorite songs, but I appreciate its energy.

FLAKE IS BREAKING IT DOWN AT THE KEYBOARD FUCK I LOVE HIM WHAT A CHARACTER

Yeeees, spotlight on Oli. So underrated. I see you, Lars.

Why was I surprised to see the mic-stands on fire??? There has never been anything to lead me to believe that something like that wouldn’t happen?

Ooh, the slow-down of the drums. I am a fan.

Seemann

Okay, this is one of my favorites. I absolutely love the softer side of Rammstein. Also, way before I even knew what the lyrics meant, this song made me want to cry. And I rarely cry over music. I did two years of German in high school and I vaguely knew what the line “mit Tränen im Gesicht” and it just

It me

It me mit Tränen im Gesicht

Okay, I feel like some people are not fans of the Slow Hammer, but I am a fan of Till’s back, and it highlights it, so I’ll take all the Slow Hammer I can get.

“HELLOOOO”

God, this song is fucking beautiful.

Was not expecting the🎵La-la-lalaaa🎵 but I am here for it.

Stripped (intro)

Let me see Till stripped

So sad this was cut short, it’s one of my favorites.

Someone’s string broke, correct? A shame.

Du riechst so gut

Another one of my controversial “not favorites” I’M SORRY

I keep thinking Flake and Schneider have 16-pack abs, but it’s just their outfits.

Why does this sound so off to me? Is it because they’re shit-faced or am I just tired after watching the Bachelor? There is no reason that show needs to be TWO HOURS LONG, but I digress.

Flake’s doing his toy-bird dance again lol how does one have so little rhythm, yet is such a compelling dancer?

Oh no, fucked-up guitar. Can’t blame the Bachelor on that one.

And the spotlight shines on Richard’s torso. As it should. Fuck, he has a lovely chest.

Du hast

Okay. I know. “It’S oVeRrAtEd AnD oVeRpLaYeD.” But I could not give less of a fuck???

It’s overplayed because it’s fucking catchy? And it’s a lot of people’s gateway into Rammstein, and I think people should let people enjoy it.

Anyway

I love when Till laughs :’)

The reverberating phone cracks me up and I’m not sure why?

Till spitting up that water like a fucking whale and its blowhole.

Lol what is Oli doing? Whatever he wants? I love it. And I love him.

Bück dich

Don’t be mad at me, but I like the Woo-Machine part better than the actual song

Woo-w-woo, indeed

Oh, there’s Flake on the leash.

Are Flake’s legs even real?

Oli’s over there looking like he just climbed out of some radioactive waste and is going to be a comic book villain.

Okay, yes, simulated anal sex, but Till’s little wiggle to distribute the “semen” was adorable.

Aaaand Oli’s getting a drink. Gotta stay hydrated??

Engel (cut)

I absolutely love Engel. It’s one of my “let me listen to this on-repeat for ????” songs

Sad that it’s a bit chopped up :’(

Till directing the fire always entertains me.

YES SPARKLER DRUMSTICKS

I fucking LOVE how extra these boys are. Like, I know it’s because they know a lot of their fanbase doesn’t speak German and it’s for entertainment purposes. Honestly, I feel, as an American who only speaks English, the music can stand on its own. But the spectacle is still MUCH appreciated.

I’m not sure if that last bit made any sense, but we’re running with it.

I love Flake’s extended outtro. (Is that a word? And is it the right one? I’m running on fumes at this point.)

Rammstein

This song gives me so much nostalgia, but I honestly don’t remember the first time I heard it?? I just remember knowing it.

Watching Till stand there in that coat with his arms out makes mine HURT.

The way the coat lit up made me happy in a way I cannot explain.

Yes bb show it OFF

Those drums. Simple, but effective.

In my limited experience, I feel like this a song that Till is pretty hit-or-miss on live. I think this is a hit. But what do I know?

This is the first time I’ve ever noticed/paid attention to the harmonies on this song.

Aww, Paul and Richard are doing the riff thing again, I just love it.

OLI and the giant stomps. God, I love him. And I just realized he’s wearing short-shorts???

Also, not hating Paul’s hair?

Laichzeit

Loving Paul and Schneider’s head-banging.

Also, Till looks zoned out? Drunk?? Panicked???

🎵AUUUGENNNN🎵

This is usually one I skip over when I’m listening on my phone, but I’m super digging Flake’s contribution tonight.

Till ululating was not something I thought I would ever hear??

Yes, Flake, earning that spotlight.

This auditorium must reek of sweat and fuel at this point.

But mostly sweat.

Ssssssllllloooowwwww eeeeeennnnddd

Wollt ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen?

Ah, one of many songs where they chant their own name.

I’m trying REAL HARD not to say that Till can set my bed on fire whenever he wants.

I love this song, but the Doom noises just

Richard, I adore you, but I am not a fan of the bell-bottoms. I know it was a different time. But please.

Till’s ruffled hair is...lovely.

Is this the show they played before that elevator clip?

Aww, the sparklers. I don’t think it’s supposed to be as cute as I find it??

Paul is adorable.

Fuck yeeees, I love when the flamethrowers get brought out.

Especially when used so phallically. I see you, Till.

“We love you. Thank you.” I LOVE YOU TOO AND YOU’RE WELCOME.

Well, it happened. I have no regrets and if you made it this far, then I hope you have none either.

[psyche13]

So whenever I watch a new movie I like to record my thoughts and reactions just for fun. Since I’m writing stuff for the Final Prayer I thought I would post what I wrote when I watched it for the first time.

-They are not speaking English yet, oof that guy is angry at the camera man.

-Chasing sugar with red bull is a total mood

-teehee he locked himself out in the most British way possible. I already love him.

-“We’re sharing?” Haha too funny.

-wait a minute wait a minute…the sharing guy is the guy from the beginning who yelled at the camera. What’s he doing here I thought this was found footage from the recorder they found in the wall?

-“I’ll put the kettle on” is just about the most British thing I have heard all day. Love it.

-Deacon looks really familiar…where have I seen him before *pauses movie to look up imdb.com* yessssssssssss Sherlock, must watch that episode later…omg AND Robin Hood? Okay I gotta watch this show now and also Richard Armitage it’s a sign that I will most definitely love it.

-why are they cutting to black when it is a found footage movie? Who is watching this other than me, the viewer? Can anybody log into the Vatican website and watch investigations go forward in real time?

-Chill about the head cam, dude.

-WTF is a betting shop? *pauses movie* I’m not from the UK so…yeah Im guessing it has something to do with fishing? *looks it up on google* oh duh betting like gambling guess that makes sense.

-have you just bought booze is also such a mood.

-Aww he’s teaching him about the map, that’s kinda sweet. Also Ball….combe :P

-hahaha the puzzle and “See you around March”, this movie is kinda funny, I like it :)

-church bells remind me of when I was living in Rome.

-those people outside are kinda creepy, getting paranormal activity vibes.

-teeheee delicate equipment

-man they are awkward car drivers.

-are we there yet? Point for sarcasm 👍

-have a cracking good day mate haha

-is that really what the tapes are used for or is he just being sarcastic? Maybe a point for sarcasm?

-OMG Gray you NEVER eat in a church, hearing that sound is giving me anxiety. Growing up I would have been whooped good if I was ever caught eating during church.

-CHUNKS OF LIVING FLESH!!!!!!!!

-Haha the cow thing was funny. Is that how British people smoke cigarettes? When I went to London I didn’t see anybody do that…. But then again I was only there for 2 days and it rained the entire time. Not that that has anything to do with smoking. Man, what a trip that was.

-Barry is totally another mood.

-Whats happening now? Oh wait this is a flashback awwww look its a baby! EARTHQUAKE!!!! Why isn’t anybody running? Do they have earthquakes in England?

-Fancy a drink eh? More British talk, I love it.

-What’s stigmata? *pauses movie* oooohhhh ouch. Poor girl.

-No offense to him or anything but Mark is being kind of a dick right now….if he was delayed then why didn’t he call them? So rude.

-Wait wait, so Mark got to the cottage and then just decided to snoop in Deacon and Gray’s room without them? And touch their stuff? Once again, how rude.  And the fact that he is treating Gray as just a techie and not an important member of the investigation. I feel ya, Gray sometimes that’s how I feel at work too.

-Fish n chips, awkward strangers eating dinner vibe going on.

-OMG WHO WOULD CATCH A SHEEP ON FIRE LIKE THAT!??!?

-Mark definitely made it seem like in his report that Deacon had been the one that killed the sheep.

-Who puts water in a coffee mug? Sorry I’m judging just a little bit.

-So I think Gray’s shirt is of a knight riding an ostrich. Would that make Gray a fan of the game Joust? *inner geek squeals*

-Gray is wearing a gold wedding band, and Deacon has  a silver pendant necklace and a watch. Im always curious about jewelry choices in movies. I wonder if they will mean anything near the end?

-Mark really doesn’t know what earbuds are?

-Yeah, I’ve heard that sound before and do you know what is it? It is a RAT in the wall just crawling around. Those MFs can get huge, and it takes forever for them to die and that’s just if you are lucky sometimes they decided to live there and have millions of rat babies. I hate rats.

-Gray: HHEEHEEEWHHHOOLLLLLAALALALALALAWHOOHWHOOOOO! Deacon: *really?*

-Priests most definitely are an uptight bunch but they sure do know how to party. Trust me, I went to catholic school.

-Okay so that dog actually looked really friendly, I could see his tail wagging.

-Ouch, poor mark that look like it hurt a lot.

-Gray’s concern is so sweet, and he is right Mark should really go see a doctor. Bleeding ears are not good!

-Okay so what is he saying about Belem? Curse my hearing loss for making it so difficult for me to understand what anybody is saying without the freaking subtitles on….rewinding now.

-I think I get it now, when Deacon was telling Gray the story of what happened in Belem he made it seem like he wasn’t there, that he was at the Vatican receiving reports from Renaldi but never was in Brazil.

-Haha the bottle trick was cool. How did he do that?

-Krellick is getting kind of weird, and what is up with all the earthquakes at the church? I think they need to talk to a seismologist.

-That baby crying doesn’t seem to be coming from a baby monitor.

-Oh no….not Father Krellick! That was very unsettling and I am going to have to update the DDD report to include suicide. Damn.

-Those kids totally got what the deserved.

-Okay here we go again, what are they saying? Gotta back up and put on the subtitles again. Why won’t my stupid ears work right?

-Sorry about this bit I kinda tuned everything out because I was painting my nails and also it got scary way to fast for my liking.

-DEACON WATCH WHERE YOU ARE DRIVING! Oh never mind he is the passenger I forgot they were in England.

-this is the last time that any of them are ever going to see the sky, and that’s kind of sad.

-Gray and Deacon kind of sound like an old bickering couple…..I totally ship them.

-He actually sounds really scared, poor darling. I would be scared too, caves are terrifying and I have probably the worst claustrophobia ever. Should I really be watching this movie when my MRI is tomorrow? Nahhh I’ll be fine (UPDATE: I was not fine).

-WTF was that? That’s it? That’s the end? NO it can’t be the end. WHY?! OMG that’s such an awful way to die. Why would they do that? So this isn’t the same church that was in the beginning? That’s so confusing, so then who found the cameras? I must watch again but this time with the subtitles on through the whole thing.

-*while walking the dog* why did they go down there when Gray saw that father what’s his face was dead in the church?

-*while driving to work* OMG the orphanage was there so they could sacrifice the babies to the pagan god monster.

-FOUR DAYS LATER at 2:30AM *pulls up blank word document* muahahahahaaaaaa this will be fun!

[incredibeale-archive]

Aubrey is Beca's older step-sister but they're pretty close. Aubrey is overprotective of Beca because of???? (insert secret here). Chloe is Aubrey's BFF but they only met at Barden. When Beca comes to Barden and meets Chloe, Aubrey senses the connection between them. She's torn between wanting Beca and Chloe to be happy, keeping Beca's secret, and not wanting either of them to get hurt.

[Hey, so i’ve had this in my drafts since like almost the beginning of this blog. yikes im terrible  anyway, i don’t remember what the fuck my original plan was, but the new plan is this: I’m gonna post this in parts because it’s already super long? (it seems long anyway) and i have a plan. sort of. i’ll try to post the next part tomorrow night. enjoy???]

( part 1 of ? )

(Part 2)

“Bree?” Aubrey knows that voice. Her heart nearly stops in her chest as she turns in time to see her step-sister, smiling brightly at her.

“Beca!” The blonde moves quickly and wraps her arms around the smaller woman in a bone crushing hug. It’s been a few months since she’s last seen Beca. Not since mid summer, anyway – when Aubrey had gone home to spend time with her father and step-mother and of course, Beca. 

During that time, Beca had surprised her with the news that she’d be attending Barden next year, with Aubrey. However, the brunette had kept her arrival time a secret.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but…” Aubrey pulls back at that, though she doesn’t release Beca entirely, her arm moving to loop itself with the tiny brunette’s as she offers her best friend a sheepish smile. Chloe just smiles brightly back, blue eyes darting between the two of them curiously.

“Chloe, this is Beca– my sister. Beca, this is Chloe–”

Chloe holds out her hand eagerly. “The best friend.” She interjects excitedly. “I’ve heard a lot about you!”

Beca smiles bemusedly for a moment, staring down at the hand hanging between them before she finally takes it, shaking it hesitantly. “Uh– cool. Nice to meet you, dude.” She raises a brow at Aubrey who looks away with a small grin.

“Oh, don’t worry!” Chloe chirps with a wide grin. “All good things.”

Beca chuckles. “I’m sure.” Her lips curve into a crooked smirk. “I’ve heard about you, too.” Aubrey watches as Chloe raises her brows expectantly. “Oh, don’t worry.” Beca starts, her smirk growing. “All good things.”

“Well, obviously.” Chloe says in a ‘duhhh’ sort of tone. “I’m aca-awesome!”

“And humble, apparently.” Beca quips in amusement. “Also, we’ve got to talk about both of your apparent annihilation of the English language. ‘aca’ is not a real prefix, guys.”

“Aca-scuse me?” Aubrey shoves Beca playfully.

“Oh it totes is!” Chloe says, nodding her head sagely.

Beca just smirks. “Wow. I can feel my IQ dropping just standing here.”

Aubrey scoffs and rolls her eyes in amused affection. “Please, like you had any to spare in the first place.”

The smaller woman feigns a gasp, hand going to her heart. “You wound me with your words, Posen.”

Meanwhile, Chloe watches with a mixture of curiosity and amusement.

“Shut up Mitchell.” Aubrey shakes her head, but her expression soon turns to one of concern. “Now, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? Do you need help finding your dorm or unpacking? How did you even know where to find me?”

Beca’s smile turns soft as she places a reassuring hand on Aubrey’s arm. “No worries, dude. I’m good to go. I’m already unpacked over at Baker Hall. First floor, room 6. As for how I found you– Bree you’ve been talking about this– activities fair thing nonstop, every time we talk on the phone or skype.”

“Speaking of–” Chloe says before Aubrey can reply. “You should totes join. Bree says you’ve got an amazing voice and you’re crazy talented.”

Beca raises a brow at Aubrey who shrugs like, ‘so?’. “Don’t look at me like that. You are crazy talented.”

“See? So, you should totes audition. We could really use you.” Chloe says, taking hold of one of Beca’s arms. Aubrey internally winces as Beca’s body visibly stiffens. Sometimes she forgets how… personable Chloe can be. She prepares for Beca to rip her arm away, but to Aubrey’s surprise, she doesn’t.

Instead, Beca just kind of stares up into Chloe’s eyes, body slowly relaxing, while Chloe stares back, smile bright and completely oblivious to Beca’s unease.

“Please?” Chloe pouts, giving the arm in her hand a gentle squeeze.

Beca blinks after a moment, cheeks tinging pink as she stumbles back a little. “I– uh– I’ll think about it, red.” Aubrey is torn between being concerned and amused. Her step-sister is kind of a useless gay when it comes to pretty girls and Aubrey usually teases her relentlessly for it, but this– this has the potential to be a nightmare waiting to happen. And not because she thinks Chloe would break Beca’s heart– no, Chloe isn’t the type. She loves without reservation, she loves hard. No, it would definitely be Beca who did the breaking– and most likely not on purpose, either.

Plus, she cares deeply for these two people, and the last thing she wants is for either of them to be hurt. She pushes these thoughts aside, though– choosing to hope that something like that doesn’t happen.

“You better!” Chloe finally releases Beca’s arm and turns toward their table to grab a flier before thrusting it into Beca’s hand.

—

Beca ends up auditioning, much to Aubrey’s (delighted) surprise. What Aubrey isn’t too delighted about is that Chloe seems all the more smitten with Beca. It’s why she keeps a close eye on her step-sister during hoodnight. Her protective instincts really rise to the surface when Beca becomes visibly uneasy as one of the new Treble recruits approaches her.

“– It’s inevitable. You’re one of those acapella girls and I’m one of those acapella boys, and we’re going to have aca-children together.” Aubrey hears the Treble-boy say as she walks up beside Beca. 

Beca makes a face. “Yeah, no, dude. I don’t see that happening.”

“How do you know if you don’t give me a chance?” The Treble-maker pouts, wobbling a little, clearly on his way to drunk. 

Aubrey chooses that moment to make herself known, looping her arm through Beca’s and shooting a glare toward the boy in front of them. “She’s not interested.” 

A frown mars the boy’s face. “Who are you? Her keeper?”

Aubrey steps in front of Beca and towers over the Treble-maker. “No, but I am her sister, and not only that, but I’m also the captain of the Barden Bellas and it’s against the rules to… fraternize with a Treble-maker.” She narrows her eyes and inches forward a little more. “And I’m pretty sure I heard her say that she isn’t interested.”

“Bree–” Beca tugs gently on Aubrey’s arm. “It’s okay. I got this.” 

Aubrey glances behind her, taking in Beca’s slight half smile and the way she gives her a soft little nod. After a moment, Aubrey nods back and steps aside, but crosses her arms and glares at the puppy-faced boy from behind Beca. 

“Listen, dude. See, it’s not going to happen, because I’m like– really gay.” 

It seems to take puppy-face a moment to process Beca’s words, but Aubrey sees the exact moment that he realizes. And if Aubrey weren’t trying to be intimidating right now, she’d laugh at how his stupid face drops in embarrassment and what she assumes disappointment. 

Beca on the other hand, seems to be holding her breath, muscles taught with tension; ready to bolt. It breaks Aubrey’s heart and she vows that if this stupid boy says something mean, she’ll punch him. Or at least give him a verbal lashing. 

But then Jesse offers up a sheepish smile. “Oh,” He scratches the back of his neck and glances away. “Shit, I must’ve come off as such an ass. I’m sorry.” Aubrey blinks. Was he–? That… that wasn’t the reaction she was expecting. 

Apparently, neither was Beca. She stands there, looking unsure of how to respond. But before either of them can even think of a good response anyway, Jesse’s smile turns bright. “We could be lesbros!” 

“Oh my god, dude.” Aubrey watches as Beca’s body relaxes slightly, her tone full of cautious amusement. “No way. We are not being that, and if you ever say that again, I’ll smack you.” 

Jesse seems unperturbed as he shakes his head. “Nope, it’s happening. We’re lesbros. I’ll be your wing-man, and you’ll be mine– it’ll be great!”

“You’re drunk.” Beca says, a small smirk creasing her lips. But Aubrey can still see the hesitation in her posture and she frowns. 

“Nah, I’m just tipsy.” He goes to take another sip of his drink and frowns. “Empty,” His frown turns into a full blown pout which Aubrey thinks looks ridiculous on him. “Time for a refill. Do either of you ladies need a drink?” 

This time Aubrey steps up. “Uh, no… but, thanks.” She tries to smile politely because this dumb treble was nice, but she still doesn’t like him. Or his stupid puppy face. Jesse shrugs and turns away, heading down toward the keg. 

Beca sighs audibly and Aubrey watches as her shoulders droop. Concern washes over Aubrey and she takes her step-sister’s elbow. “Hey, you okay?” 

“Uh– yeah, yeah. I just–” She frowns, running a shaky hand through her hair. 

“I know, I was expecting more of a scene.” Aubrey frowns at the way Beca trembles slightly. “Can I walk you back to your dorm?” Beca looks like she wants to refuse, but instead she gives a jerky nod. So Aubrey loops her arm through Beca’s a leads her away from the amphitheater. 

Beca sighs and lets her head drop against Aubrey’s shoulder. “Thanks. I think the build up of it has my anxiety really high.” She admits quietly. 

Aubrey knew that. She was– is afraid it’ll send her into an episode, but she doesn’t point that out. Instead, she wrap an arm around Beca’s waist and presses a chaste kiss to the other’s temple. “You did good.” 

Unbeknownst to the both of them, someone watches with a worried little frown on her face from her perch on one of the higher amphitheater seats. 

[lifecftheparty]

━ ☾ ✧･ﾟ “ he was full of light, in whom is no darkness at all”

  ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our  environmental club     ,   FAZIL IMANI .  this   CISMALE CANCER   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   4 MONTHS  and  is  currently  a  21  year  old   JUNIOR.   through  the  halls ,   he/him  has/have   always  reminded  me  of  aria shahghasemi   ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  he sells his dad’s pharmaceuticals to fund his own drug addiction .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ      (   muse 15 ,  aubrie ,  19,  pst,  she/her   )

↪  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 𝕗𝕒𝕫𝕚𝕝 𝕟𝕒𝕫𝕖𝕖𝕞 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕚 

BASICS:

nicknames: fazi

pronouns: he/him

age & dob: july 14, 1998 ( 21 )

origin: carnegie hill, new york

nationality: american

ethnicity: iranian

fluent in: english, persian & a bit of arabic

occupation: drug dealer freelance artist

height: 5′11

sexual orientation: ???

major: biology & art

clubs: environmental club

↪  *:✧ background

trigger warning ! drugs, drug abuse, car accident, death

IMANI PHARMACEUTICALS  ━ a name you MIGHT recognize from the side of your zoloft bottle. from benzodiazepines to amphetamines, they specialized in at all -- A GREAT EMPIRE, built off of other’s sorrows and fazil was happily perched next to the throne. a family portrait, four heads adorning a thin-lipped line -- not a smile in sight. and just by glance, you could tell the family meant business. a serious group, all doctors, all their own achievements; a glistening image of PERFECTION, if not for the taint they liked to call FAZIL.

he didn’t mean to be a fuck-up, but alas, his body was completed with error and corrupted by bad decisions. THE FIRST BEING  ━     his art. an adorable skill, at first. though, like a flower, it started to blossom into more than a childish hobby, and that was when they tried to uproot it from the ground. oh, how his family DESPISED his art ; oh, how fazil despised his FAMILY -- it was a mutual passage of hate. really, painting was the only thing he had ever felt ambition for, otherwise a foreign feeling to the sullied son. he could care less about doctorate programs, but it was the path he was set on since birth -- a forced burden he could NEVER get rid of.

he lived to reject everything his family represented; the happy-go-lucky, irresponsible, reckless boy mirrored the solemn and dignified imani clan. taking to extremes to separate himself from those around him, he dived head first into the deep end. he began to get involved with drugs -- and lots of them. cocaine, xanax, morphine, you name it   ━ all were party favors in the new york night life, those in which he was more than eager to dabble in. the feelings of euphoria that would shine down on him where storm clouds once reigned, the wide smile that would stretch across his face, and the body, that almost felt weightless. the highs they produced were those of which he could not experience on his own, and like a foolish wanderer, he followed them down a rabbit hole -- their effects so tantalizing even fazil could not resist. OF COURSE   ━  he could stop if he wanted, but what happens when the bleary-eyed teen refuses himself paradise? shivers, aches, pain so sickening it would spew from his mouth. no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he couldn’t stay away. it held him in a choke-hold, ever-so slowly draining his life.

the result of making an already irresponsible boy forget the bounds of consequence? a totaled ferrari and a DEATH-- no, no, no, fazil wasn’t prepared for that. an unforeseen causality in the war with his family. god -- his family, how ENRAGED they were, his father noting that he had wished it was fazil that was the one lying lifeless on the ground. a plan had to be put into place, NOTHING could ruin this family’s image; not fazil, and definitely not a murder. a cover up was devised, could you be surprised? the imani’s were saturated with money, and with money, bought ignorance. and to save face, he was booted out to live with his brother in maine, and made to attend CAPE CORAL. nasty habits die hard though, and fazil’s fought back, refusing to lie dormant. no way could he be sober now, but how do you maintain your ever-growing addiction? WELL  ━   it’s crazy what a last name and a forged signature can get you. 

↪  *:✧ personality

on the outside fazil presents himself to be this happy-go-lucky, fun-loving guy. which, to an extent, he is. however especially since the accident he festers a LOT of shame, embarrassment, and remorse. he is so full of regret and it really does haunt him on how things went down. 

as said, he has a lot of shame. not only for the accident, but also his addiction and how bad it is. he would absolutely hate anyone finding out about either of those, and would probably get really aggro with whoever did. especially if said person tried to take his drugs away or something of that nature?? would not be a happy camper. 

speaking of, he cannot go without his drugs, and will literally do anything to obtain a high.

while he tries to reject his family, it does hurt him that he cannot appease them, insecure about the fact he really doesn’t live up to the family name.

on a happier note -- loves, loves, LOVES painting. really is one of the only positive things in his life, will gush on about it for days. if he shows you his art, he’d lowkey be so anxious for approval ( though he wouldn’t admit it ).

plant dad™ loves plants and the earth. if he sees you liter he WILL pummel you.

total flirt, has commitment issues and doesn’t realize it. kind of a fuck-boy but isn’t so brazen about...which is kind of worse? 

in general, he’s a pretty laid back guy, doesn’t care too much about status. but really what you see is what you get, he will not let anyone past the front he puts on! 

↪  *:✧ wanted connections

i want to say, first off, i am REALLY up for anything. pls feel free to throw any ideas my way i am sure we can work something out <3

best friend !! : someone that he just connects with more than everyone!! while he wouldn’t disclose much about his past, he’d probably let them in on more than he does with everyone else. and i mean lets be honest...there will be a point they find something out. imagine the angst....

someone he fools around with : i mean...im sorry he really is a fuckboy. he doesn’t mean to be though!! i think it’d be interesting to have someone he has a strong flirtationship with or something a little more ifyaknowwhatimsayin. i think it’d be cool for it eventually reach an unrequited love type of thing..whether that’s on his part or your muse. unless you just wanna keep it like they both kinda know what it is..and they’re both okay with leaving it like that. really up for whatever!

frenemies : yOU ALREADY KNOW!! the banter!!! the bickering!!! the annoying the hell out of each other!!! I WANT IT ALL

deep romantic connection : aka someone that really makes him tap into his feelings/emotions. really tests him as a person, and forces him to just really care?? this would be a slow burn thing but again....imagine the angst....

someone who knows/finds out about his secrets : this can tie into plots and doesn’t have to be just it’s own standalone ( if that makes sense ). but i think i’d really like someone just eventually figuring it out and kinda being like fazi ???  what are you doing ?? now this can come at an angle of concern OR maybe your character finds out somehow and hangs it over his head. I would also like to note that fazi came into the school randomly, showed up in the middle of the school year like nothing, and when asked about it he has a bullshit excuse. so mayhaps someone tries to really look into it and pesters him about it. and it makes him turn into the panic emoji 

customer : someone he sells drugs to, which btw! would only be over the counter meds his father makes !! the harder drugs he buys himself for his own collection 

anyhoot, that’s all i could think of rn but i’m sure i’ll add more in the future! and like i said, i am open to ANYTHING. please please hmu <3

[yojiro-kimura]

Chapter 1

The green-haired girl was lying on the bed, reading some books that had been found in the library, after reading some, found one of a black color, it did not seem striking unless it was orange or an emerald green, but she decided to give it an opportunity. It contained some obscure things and among them the instructions on how to invoke demons.

Emi: This has to be a joke. -She laughs and continues reading- Let's see if this is true.

The young woman takes bright red paint, some old candles inside her kitchen, as well as salt that would serve as protection.

After drawing that star in the book, she place the candles on each end of it, likewise surrounded with salt.

After igniting them and repeating that prayer between laughter. Unexpectedly, a smoke began to invade the room. A demon with pale skin and dark hair appeared with a bright crimson gaze.

Shota: Another naive human who gave his soul in exchange for something stupid. —look to the girl— What are you going to want, silly human? money? Fame? Many sell their soul for that last thing.

Emi: Honestly ... —laught— I didn’t think this would work ...

Shota: What? —look the room surrounded by happy faces— You don’t look like the person who would give up his soul ...

Emi: No ... but you can take it ...

Shota: So, do you ask for something? —Laughs—You're human after all ... — he take a sit—tell me what you want?

Emi: First of all ... I must make sure that you will give me whatever I ask ...

Shota: I'm a demon ... —Smile—Don’t expect much from me, but I'm forced to comply anyway.

Emi; Then. —Laughs—I want you to be my boyfriend.

The devil laughs, thinking it was a stupid joke, but when he saw that she was still smiling, without reacting, he thought she was serious.

Shota: are you serious? —he blushes— b-but ... it's not possible, oh well, it's not right.

Emi: Why?

Shota: Well, you‘re human, I‘m a being of darkness.

Emi: I still don’t see the problem. —She crosses his arms.— Will you comply or not? Or it’s that I should speak with administration?

Shota: Don’t do that, please!

Emi: T-there is administration in hell?

Shota: Of course ... a very difficult to keep happy. -blow-Well, you win. I will fulfill what you want ... but your soul is mine from now on.

Emi: If you want it, you can also take my body.

Shota: You’re a very weir woman, do you know it?

It had been a week since he had been invoked in the human world, he saw the young woman doing her homework at the desk.

Shota: Hey, if you don’t mind ... I'll go see how things are down there ...

Emi: Mmm ... -Writing-You're going back for dinner, right.

Shota: Hmm ... yes, of course .... -This is wrapped in flames and then appear in hell. -Tch ... what annoying ... Why she want a boyfriend if she’s just going to be doing his fucking homework?

Two guys appeared behind him so this tour surprised.

Shota: What are you doing here? That they do not know that it is rude to listen to someone else's conversation?

Hizashi: W-Well, a conversation is between two people, so you may have talk some of us. -Expressed- And where have you been, Shota?

Shota: Hmm ... - He scratches his neck - In the human world.

Toshinori: Oh, that's ... great ...but, I heard you mention the word "boyfriend", do you have any courtship with any human?

Shota: w-well ... she has forced me to be her boyfriend, but I don’t see it as interesting, I don’t understand why humans take the trouble to look for another being with whom to share their miserable life.

The two blond demons look at each other and then return to see the dark haired man with a smile.

Hizashi: It's because you're "testing" the wrong side. —Expressed the green-eyed demon.

Toshinori: Of course, long ago I had a relationship with a beautiful human woman, she had a big heart but she was also a wonder to give pleasure. —The blue-eyed blonde commented while his cheeks blushed.

Shota: Pleasure? I don’t understand anything.

Blondes surrounded him to start whispering the things they had experienced with their respective human partners, the black haired away from these after finishing the conversation.

Upon returning to the human world, he leaned back on the green-hair girl bed.

Shota: Tch ... I don’t think those "pleasures" are the great thing ...

The girl went up to her room and found the young demon on her bed.

Emi: Wow, I thought you would not go back.

Shota: Well yes I did. -Bufa-Hey, girl ... —He look away — What things are done as boyfriends?

Emi: Mm .. well several things, why the question? — she sits next to him.

Shota: Tch ... —he moves away a little—W-well ... simple curiosity, we've been with you for a week and well, I've only been in this room watching you write.

Emi: I'm sorry. I had been busy with my homework, but I am already free. — Start caressing the young man's leg —This is the same as petting my dog, even though the hair is longer.

Shota: Tch ... Nice comparison.

The young girl laughs to then take the young man's chin and turn it towards her to kiss him.

Shota: Tch ... at least let me know when you do that ... —Expressed blushing.

Emi: Hey, Shota ... there's something I want to ask you ... you, demons, how they make their babys?

Shota: Well, our queen uses her blood and flesh to create us, leaves her a few years in a sphere of amber until we are ready. What about you? How do they do their babies?

Emi: do you really want to know? —She blushed.

Shota: Sure, if it's not annoying.

Emi: -She trow the creature to the bed —i want to know, do you have that thing?

Shota: What thing? —He question confused.

Emi: You know. —Low her hand to reach the abdomen of that creature— A penis.

Shota: Ah ... -flushed-Y-yes ...

Emi: That’s good ... —she continues until she feels the belt and the cloth that covered his crotch.—Can I see?

Shota: i-I think so. *This is different from what those two said, I didn’t think that she was wants to do this ...*

Emi: - This low of the young man to be placed in his crotch - mm ... — Discover the fabric that covered the genitals of the demon, they felt velvety except the organ that began to harden in their hands — It‘s the first time I touch one ...

Shota: W-what does this have to do with what I asked you?

Emi: Well ... I'll show you ... —This begins to lick carefully around the penis, causing it to shudder.

Shota: Tch ... —sight, without losing sight of the young girl-girl— W-what are you doing?

Emi: Enjoy it ... —Expressed by taking that member out of her mouth for a moment.

This began to lick that organ and to suck it with desire. She slid his hands caressing the hair of the young man's legs. He moaned while watching her.

Shota: W-What is this supposed to be?

Emi: Don’t you like it?

Shota: Y-yes ...

Emi: That's what matters ... —He pulled the organ out of his mouth and leaned on the edge of the bed.—Come on, come here ...

Shota: -stands up and approaches her—w-what happens?

Emi: —point out her mouth—now try to put it you, as if you fuck my mouth ...

Shota: F-fuck ... is it human thing?

Emi: Y-yes ... now just put it ... —This leaves your mouth open.

The young man was surprised at the disposition of the green haired girl. He gently took his head and began to introduce his member into his mouth.

Shota: Ah ... it's .. it's so warm ...

Emi: Now move from the back to the front-Little barely understandable.

He obeyed by starting to thrust his throat, as he raised the intensity.

Shota: I-it's delicious!

He instinctively scratched the ground with his hooves as it fitted more and more into the young woman's throat.

Shota: G-girl! I feel weird ... —He shuddered to the point of letting out a roar as his organ delivered its fluids into the green-haired throat. After this, he ended up moving away until he fell to the floor— that felt very good.

Emi: -Expel from your throat white residue on the floor— This that has come out, by leaving it in my belly can give us a child.

Shota: —It feels a little agitated— In your belly? And how do i leave it there?

Emi: —open her legs— Around here. —This separates her underwear and points her genitals.

Shota: —It approaches with curiosity— Here? Is not the entrance too small?

Emi: -Smiled- T-that you think?

Shota: - Try to introduce his fingers but the girl stops him- What? what's going on?

Emi: well ... I'm not ready for that yet.

Shota: I understand.

Emi: And ... — She blushes and plays with her hair— H-how have I done it?

Shota: -He blushes- F-felt very good. —Look at the scratches on the wooden floor—Im sorry, I think I could not control myself

Emi: Awwww—Hugs him—Seriously, I can‘t believe you're my boyfriend. — kisses his lips.

Shota: I-I still think you should not go out with me.

Emi: Why? You don’t like me?

Shota: You're so cute and kind and i ... well ... Did you see who I am? I'm not like you. You should go out with someone ... of your kind.

Emi: You promised that you would go out with me.

Shota: I know, but ... I don’ want to hurt you.

Emi: You do it by telling me these things.

Shota: Sorry, I don’t know much about these things, but I can assure you that you make me feel good. —he approaches to the girl slowly to give a kiss on the forehead— I will continue with you until you don’t want more, you understand?

Emi: Okay. —She clings to him as he stands up.— I need some sleep.

Shota: -He get on the bed- Sleep well, girl ...

Emi: My name is Emi ...

Shota: Nice name ... -think a moment- it's funny that you allowed me to do that to you and I didn’t even know your name.

——-

Sorry, my english is so bad xC

[depressedgamerxx-blog]

Coffee and Mental breakdowns

Summary: It's 3 am and Scout is not have a good night, he's comforted by someone unexpected.

An: Hey guys! I thought it was about time I wrote something with Medic cuz I love him. This fic is also sorta like a stress reliever, in other words I'm projecting my own self experiences on poor Scout lol.

Words:1630 

Scout stared into the dark waves he created by stirring his spoon in his cup of coffee, watching as he created dark swirls with the bitter liquid.

A few drops splashed out onto the table, but Scout didn't pay them any mind. He would clean them up later. After a few more moments of his rhythmic stirring he reluctantly brought the cup up to his lips.

He always hated the taste of Coffee, it was always so bitter and it didn't matter how much sugar or cream he added.

He sipped the coffee and swallowed it with a grimace, for now he would just have to deal with the bitter taste. He didn't have anymore energy drinks so coffee was the only thing keeping him from passing out.

And he was certain that falling back to sleep was not what he wanted to do.

He rubbed his tired eyes, glancing at the clock on the microwave. 3 am flashed on the clock, creating a sort gentle glow of light, just enough to give Scout some sort of light source.

3 o'clock in the morning, In about 3 or 4 hours from now he would most likely be joined by Engineer or Sniper, and later the rest of the team.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His normal uniform was replaced by his sleeping wear, which consisted of an over sized Red Sox baseball jersey and black basketball shorts. The only thing that remained were his wraps which he almost always kept on.

Always.

He rested his head atop his folded arms; blue-grey eyes wandered around the kitchen. A place he knew as well as the back of his hands having spent many breakfasts and meetings in the room.

He felt his eyes begin to sleep close and he sat up with a jerk, quickly reaching for his cup he downed the rest of the bitter coffee. Nearly choking on the bitter taste as it burned the back of his throat on the way down.

He sat the cup down on the table and wiped his mouth with the back of his bandaged hands. He knew he should be asleep, he knew it wasn't good for him to force himself to stay awake but he couldn't help it.

It didn't matter if he drank warm milk, it didn't matter how many sheep he counted. Every time he closed his eyes he wasn't met with the bliss relief of sleep. He was left with nothing but his own thoughts, his insecurities. And he hated it.

this wasn't the first time his thoughts had kept him awake, sometimes they would keep him awake for days on end. On those days he would give in on his exhaustion and ask Medic for something to help him sleep.

Scout didn't understand why this happened, but it was like a routine.

Some days he could look in the mirror and see this super cool guy who could do it all, but some days when he looked in the mirror, all he was was someone who just...wasn't good enough.

That, no matter what he did none of it would matter in the end. He was gonna die eventually, so what was the point of even trying? It was routine, fighting, dying, respawn, repeat. Eventually he just ended up feeling numb.

And on those days, he had to fake it. All of his stupid jokes and cocky attitude, his confidence. He had to fake all of it, and it always made him feel gross. Like he was lying to everyone, like he was just a big faker.

He blinked a few times to clear his vision which had blurred just a bit, and he considered getting another cup of coffee; but his stomach seemed to twist at the thought and he decided against it. Not wanting to make himself sick.

Instead he began to pick at his bandages, an old habit of his. He probably shouldn't do it because it messed up his wraps, but it distracted him.

Plus it was better than him picking at his skin.

He pulled a small string, causing the end of the bandage to unravel and fray. He sighed, now he'd probably have to get some new ones. Great.

"Having fun sitting alone in ze dark?"

Scout jumped a very un manly squeak sounded from his throat as he whipped around in his chair in surprise , nearly tumbling out of it.

Medic stood in the doorway of the kitchen, somewhat illuminated by the light of the microwave. He gave Scout a somewhat sheepish smile.

"Apologies! I didn't mean to scare you"

Scout relaxed slightly when he saw who it was, he let out an annoyed huff. Mainly embarrassed that the older man had snuck up on him.

"Geez dude gonna give me a fricken heart attack, how long 'ave ya been standin there anyway?"

Medic shrugged " Not to long, just long enough to watch you as you sit alone in ze dark"

In a few long strides he sat himself in a chair in front of the younger, resting his chin on his hand.

"So please do tell me vhat bothers you"

Scout blinked in surprise, slightly a taken back by the Doctor's sudden interest in his well-being "

"Wha...What da hell makes ya think sumthins wrong wit me?"

Medic rose a brow "Vell, for starters it iz three in ze morning and you are drinking coffee. Plus your expression isn't exactly cheerful"

Scout sputtered slightly, narrowing his eyes.

"Y-Yeah, well you're up too aren't ya?"

Medic shrugged "Vell yes, but I waz finishing up some vork. And I vaz heading to bed, you however look like you plan to spend ze rest of ze night here. So please.."

He leaned forward slightly " Tell me, vhat bothers you? "

Scout scowled at him, before he sighed. Shoulders slumping in defeat, he mentally cursed the older man and his ability to read people so well.

"It's..It's just...nothing...really, I'm just....being stupid"

He gave an awkward chuckle, squirming in his seat under the doctors gaze.

He swallowed thickly.

"I..just uh...I've just been havin a rough night ya know?"

Medic gave a sympathetic hum " And vhy iz zhat? "

Scout shrugged, looking down at this bandaged hands. Clenching and unclenching them into fists.

"Hey, you uh..remember awhile ago when ya found those..things under my wraps?"

The doctor's eyes widened slightly in surprise, sitting upright his gaze turned serious.

"Vhy...Yes Scout..I do"

Scout glanced up to meet the doctors gaze almost shyly.

"And uh..remember how ya told me that I could always talk ta ya it I needed too..?"

Medics gaze softened as he smiled at the younger man sitting across from him, placing a hand over the others smaller bandaged one.

"Of course Scout, you can tell me anything."

"And you promise won't tell anyone nuthin?"

"I promise"

Scout took a deep shaky breath.

"I..I don't know man, it's just been one of those night ya know? I just couldn't sleep and every time I tried my mind just kept sending all these negative thoughts to my brain man"

"What kind of thought Scout?" Medic inquired gently .

Scout half heartedly shrugged his shoulders, he hated talking about this stuff. Or more so that he was terrible at expression his thoughts and shit.

"I don't know, like just bad thoughts ya know? Like how I'm not good enough or how I'm gonna die alone a-and how everything gonna leave and shit and how I'm nothin but an annoyin brat and..and"

Scouts rambling was cut off by his voice cracking, struggling to swallow last the lump that was steadily growing in his throat he choked back a sob. He brought a fist up to his mouth and bite on it, turning away.

Fuck Fuck Fuck, why the fuck was he crying for? He wasn't some little kid! Yet here he was gettin all emotional shit, in front of fuckin Medic of all people.

"I-Im sorry Man, I just -" his breath hitched as more tears sprang to his eyes, threatening to spill over.

Suddenly next thing he knew he found his face being pressed in the familiar white lab coat as Medic, who had made his way to Scouts side of the table while he had been speaking, wrapped his arms around the runners smaller body. Gently pressing the boys face into his shoulder.

"Shhh, it's alright Klein. Go ahead and cry, it vill be good for you. You'll feel better afterwards."

Scout choked out a sob, clutching at the man's shirt he buried his face in his shoulder. His own shoulders shaking as he sobbed. Medic gently rubbed the boys back.

"Shhh Shhh easy Das Kind, I am here " Medic cooed softly.

"I-It just fuckin hurts man! A-And I'm just so fuckin tired"

" I know kleiner hase I know"

Medic continued to coo softly in both English and German while Scout continued to cry into his shoulder. After awhile Scout pulled away sniffing and rubbing his now red eyes. Face flushed slightly from embarrassment.

He rubbed the back of his neck "T-Thanks man" he mumbled.

Medic smiled at him, gently patting his cheek.

"See! I told you, you would feel better "

Scout laughed slightly "Heh, yeah...sorry bout messin up your shirt"

He stood, saving the younger man off.

"It's nothing, it's just a shirt after all"

Pulling the younger to stand he began pushing him gently towards the door.

"Now! Time for bed, might as Well gets some sleep vhile you can"

Scout rolled his eyes "Alright Alright Ma, I'm freakin goin"

He made his way to leave but paused in the doorway.

"Hey uh, goodnight Doc"

Medic smiled at him .

"Goodnight Scout"

[mariaaamaaarquez]

the second one- where does this start?

okay okay so I guessss this is the part where I kind of have to talk about myself since honestly truly now that I think about it- not a lot of people know MY story.. its usually me asking to someone else what theirs is and why they are the person they are, but sometimes not even my closest best friends know, because they never asked? weird, I know lmao. buuuut okay where to start right? well I was born in Guatemala, September 21st 2001, for the ones who didn't know hahah aaaand I was a happy kid. always a happy kid. to keep the long story as short as possible, moms filed for a divorce, father said no. for my fifth birthday though, they both wanted to take me to Disneyland, in Cali. this meant that we had to get a tourist visa from Guatemala granting us permission to leave the country, which for those of you who don't know how that process works, its HARD. somehow we managed to get it, and a few weeks later I was celebrating my birthday in Disneyland. that was when my mom made the decision to run away from my dad. obviously telling this story now, I know we had family in Virginia. and being an immigrant traveling with your also immigrant daughter as you're already in the United States- not so hard. I woke up to my mom packing bags, she just told me to go back to sleep and that we were going to the beach later that day. I, listened to my mom, and proceeded to waking up basically in an airport. just like that my life had shifted. we flew into Virginia, and proceeded to living there, hiding for six months. hiding was tough. my father had even filed a missing child case basically saying I had been abducted. Amber Alert who, right? During my time there, I did start to notice money coming in, we would go shopping, and I would get random presents out of nowhere. AAAAnd thats where my stepdad comes in. Once again, to summarize, my (now stepdad) had been in contact with my mom ever since they were high school teenage sweethearts. when my mom split up with him, it was because he had decided to flee to the United States and stay as an illegal immigrant. that’s when she met my father and had me- talk about a cockblock. anyways I soon came to find out that all the money and presents coming in, were from him. he came to Virginia for Christmas, also took me to New York for the first time and I got to get hello kitty EVERYTHING inside that Toys R Us- and then we came back home to Virginia and I was completely in awe of how good this man was treating me and my mom- aaaandd thats when they dropped the bomb on me. We were moving to Seattle. shortly after making that decision, it was January of the year 2006 and I was on a plane (again) and headed to my new life, with a new dad, and SOOO many new toys. I was happy. 

Fast forward a few months, moms is pregnant, has my brother in 2007, I can suddenly speak and understand English FLUENTLY, and I have an entire new family. As if it couldn't get crazier, my 3rd grade year, my biological dad reached out to my mom, told her he was in town. I had no idea until we stepped into the closest mall by my house, and there he was. Live and in the flesh, it was my father. I ran into his arms and obviously balled my eyes out, and I just couldn't believe it. 

Fast forward a few years, he visited again and then after that visit went kind of MIA. No more emails, or letters, and most definitely no calls. When I turned 13, I still waited for that phone call, waited all day for my mom to tell me “your father’s on the phone” and nothing. Until it was 1AM, September 22nd, and my mom told me THATS when he called. 1 fucking am here, meaning 3 am over there, basically the day after my birthday. After that year, noting stayed the same. No longer waited, or anticipated, just- nothing. I later came to find out through social media, that he was having a daughter. Insane. I couldn't believe it, but part of me saw it coming. I mean this is what I wanted right? for him to move on and start his new life, and I didn't care anymore if I was a part of it... right? On my 16th birthday, he called. By this time I wanna say my little sister was probably around 3 or 4, (still hadn't gotten a call, until now.) When he called me I was in the middle of a small get together with just family, my boyfriend and bestfriends at the time had already left and I heard the phone ring. my mom looked at it and went silent, and showed me the phone. I knew who it was. I recognized the number. and I didn't want to answer, but I needed answers. 

so I pick up.

“hello?”

“hi mija, god how I've missed you I can't believe I actually got a hold of-”

“stop.”

you can’t believe you got a hold of me? you never tried.

I proceeded to basically cussing him out, and asking about my sister. You know when you accidentally rat yourself out to your parents by saying something you shouldn't have? yeah thats exactly what happened to my not so dearly beloved father. he basically spit out that my sister’s mother was the same bitc- lady, that my dad had cheated on my mom with- go figure! no wonder the woman ran away from you, jesus. 

“look, im sorry. god I am so sorry for everything I promise I will make it up to you what do I have to do?”

“never speak to me ever again. just like how I was basically dead to you and had no right to know the truth about everything, as far as im concerned the only thing that connects us is blood.”

he ruined my 16th birthday.

never talked to him ever again.

fast forward to my senior year- tf when did that happen?

I’m in Washington DC on a school trip (so much fun by the way AMAZING) and I call my mom to say hi and catch up (actually just calling because she was across the country and if she didn't hear from me she’d think I was dead inside the White House or something, hispanic moms, you know) and she then proceeds to tell me that she saw on Facebook (once again this damn social media) that my dad had just became a father, again. another baby sister. also that he had been living back and forth from Germany to Guatemala. 

sounds like a blast daddy dearest. 

(yeah he has a lot of money by the way, still waiting on the child support from the past decade but its good HAH) 

FAST FORWARD AgaIINNN to March of 2019. 

I became a legal resident of the United States, free to travel in and out of the country without a problem, free to work wherever I wanted, free to go to college and actually have a social security number when im asked for it- just simply free. 

April 2019. 

The month I got the chance to go back to my beloved Guatemala for the first time in thirteen years. THIRTEEN. To not bore you with all the details of my trip, on the last night, fate decided that it was time, and yes ladies and gents, there he was, in the flesh, my father. I always call him “father” and my stepdad “dad” just because all that other guy did was help with the process of me being born he was never a real dad to me ever, as heart wrenching and harsh as that may sound. so fuck him. seriously, fuck him. I saw him, with tears of anger streaming down my face and my entire body shaking, and he walks up to me crying.

he leans in for a hug.

“not a step closer don’t you dare touch me.”

he walks away and disappears into the crowd of hundreds of people, and I proceeded to having the worst panic attack I have ever had. paramedics asking if I was okay, my mom on the floor with me as I was sobbing and screaming, and everyone scared out of their minds because suddenly I felt trapped in a ball of water with no air as everyone watched the color of my skin slowly beginning to fade until I became white as snow. when I snapped out of it and finally calmed down, I cried. god I cried so damn much. I was so hurt, mostly because part of me thought he would take a stand for once and try. just try. even though I told him not to I knew a part of me wanted him to, but he didn't. and he disappointed me- just as I expected he would.

haven't heard of him since.

that was almost five months ago. and that leads us to today, the present! and thats my story, without all the minor details because with those included id have people reading for hours. But, even after this longgg ass post, if you're still here hi! thanks for reading, and for being interested in my story? not a lot of people tend to be, but if im gonna be writing on here I might as well include it- right?  

anyways- yep thats me, this along w other crazzyyy things are part of what shaped me to be the person I am today. As for my family? My mom, my dad, and my little brother? I’d take a bullet.

and as for my father? 

I don’t know,

I don’t bother to ask,

I don’t care.

besitos,

ria.

[trinkets-and-spirits]

Get to Know Me! (Tag Game) 🎲

O o f. Considering the fact that I never get tagged in stuff, I’m hella all about @meek-minded-masochist tagging me in a get to know me. I feel honoured.

RULES: Answer seventeen questions and then tag twenty one blogs you’d like to know better!

1) Nickname? Free, by online friends made on fanfiction.net ; Eph, as a reference to the previously mentioned, tho spelt differently to match the spelling of my first name ; and Marie...’cause it’s my middle name lmao. 😊

2) Star-Sign? Taurus~ ♉

3) Height? 5′5″ (Altho I just got these k i c k a s s platforms, which rock me up to above 5′8″ — so you can BET that I’m hella happy about top shelves, lmaoo.)

4) Last Film I Saw? Uh...Barbie as the Island Princess. 😂😂 I’m reliving my childhood memories at the moment, rip. Usually I don’t really watch movies tho; so I’ve been watching mostly Riverdale, re-watching RWBY bc I need my fix, and I’m currently plotting out the best time to watch the newest episode of The Walking Dead. I don’t wanna be disturbed, when I’m screaming over JDM. 😉

5) Favourite Musician? Hm. I’m pretty much a fan of anyone who sounds good, w/ a kickin’ beat & all of that—but my current top three? NF, Billie Eilish, Hozier. Oh! I’m also a huge Dropkick Murphy’s fan, but I haven’t listened to them much lately. I love them to shreds tho. ALSO!! Daughter & Caravan Palace, bc…yes.

6) Song Stuck in my Head? This Life is Mine by Casey Lee Williams, and every possible version of Country Roads. My head is...i n t e r e s t i n g.

7) Do I get Asks? Nah. Nobody interacts w/ my blog unless I’m offering free tarot readings, tho I used to get one or two asks from beginner witches. …Not any more tho. Not that I’m complaining. I hate answering ‘does X love me??’ & having people flood my ask box w/ ‘so J hates me, but im gonna use a love potion on them to force them into having romantic feelings. thoughts?’ Like. Eck.

8) Other Blogs? Not right now!! But I’m planning on making a RWBY RP Neo blog this week, so I’ll likely post a promo or two, but we’ll see. 🍦

9) Blogs Following? Followers: 222 ; Following: 414.

10) What am I Wearing? Grey doggo themed pyjama pants, black inspirational-esque tank top about the sun; moon; and adventure, and a grey hoodie bc I’m fuckin’ freezing. I’m also wearing blue fluffy bed socks, bc splash of colour.

11) Dream Job? I’d love to be a published author, but I’d settle for being a commentary YouTuber, or even a free-lance photographer. Options are open.

12) Dream Trip? I’d love to travel through Scandinavia; Asia; and Europe. Anywhere with beautiful scenery, fascinating culture & history, m y t h o l o g y.

13) Play Any Instruments? I used to play the clarinet, as well as the flute, but I fell outta practise. I’d love to get back into the flute, bc it’s literally so pretty. ❤

14) Languages? English & BSL. I studied Japanese, but I...forgot most of it, rip. I also grew up in a majorly Welsh-speaking family & neighbourhood, so I know a lot about my mother language, but the ability to speak it is...another horror story. I’d also be hella down to learn German & French, tho!! Such pretty languages!!

15) Favourite Food? …Stir Fry. 😍😋 I’m also a sucker for anything sweet; sugar is my aesthetic, to say the least. But I’m slowly balancing my diet out, lol.

16) Favourite Songs? O H J E S U S. I have way too many, so I’ll just list my top 4 favourite songs from the previously mentioned artists, bc…anything else is just downright cruel. Whoever made this tag is clearly working for the devil.

NF: 

WHY  Mansion    Outcast and Green Lights.

Billie Eilish: 

Lovely Bellyache  You Should See me in a Crown  and Copycat.  (I honestly love all of Billie’s songs, tho. She’s so fuckin perfect.)

Hozier: 

Work Song  Cherry Wine From Eden  and Arsonist’s Lullaby.

Dropkick Murphy’s: 

Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya’  Rose Tattoo Dirty Glass and Going Out in Style. 

(These boys are literally what got me through my depression when I was a wee kiddo who didn’t even know what depression was. I love them so much.)

Daughter:

Youth Flaws Burn It Down and Medicine.

(Life is Strange: Before the Storm was the best fucking game, and I’m so happy they used Daughter’s music so heavily!! It fits the game so well!!)

Caravan Palace: Black Betty Lone Digger Rock It For Me and Wonderland.

17) Random Fact? My niece & I snorted sherbet once as kiddos, bc we were dumbass kids who had this image of drugs being cool, thanks to TV shows & other influences. We cut the lemon sherbet into lines, and did it at the same time, and it hurt like n o t h i n g e l s e. Both of us were sobbing; it was a horrid gritty sensation; and both of us temporarily lost the ability to smell bc of that shit. My mother came rushing in; and I blamed it on my niece, and got away with it... Yeah. Don’t do sherbet or drugs, kids, it’s fucking painful.

Tagging: @deltanoid @smolpocketmonstercoffee @lunastreia @theheartofatrickster @lulloph @teaberrymagic …and those are the only blogs that come immediately to my mind. 😅😅 Sorry if anyone doesn’t like being tagged in stuff, but I always feel obligated when prompted, rip. 

[sharkytrash7]

My last say. Hopefully not my final essay.

So I've been watching YouTube videos of how to get over ex's and how to deal with break ups. In my heart, I know we belong together. I know the fact that I'm not Christian is a problem. My arguement is that you never fell in love with an atheist. You fell in love with me. Its tough when you refer to me as atheist because I'm so much more then that. You of all people know that. I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you still. I'm not of being alone or being without you. I'm scared of what I am without you. To be honest you were and still are my guardian angel in my eyes. You've changed my life and I hate to see you leave. You keep emphasizing that we might not be together but I still have hope we'll be together. After all, you have my rib. I know things are hard for you at the moment with God. Its tough for me 2. I go to afda and put on a smile pretending I'm fine. You want to be with a Christian. I get that. But no Christian will be as good as I am to you. Even tough I'm not a Christian, I can try to be the best person in the world for you. I dont love for your looks or your voice or cause you give me affection or cause you buy me stuff or cause you did things to me. Its all those things and more. I love you cause youre you. I would never change anything about you. Even your cute toes. Once upon a time I promised you I'd convert for you. I want to make this clear ! I am not trying to manipulate you in any way shape or or form ! Im just venting to tumblr. I'd keep my promise. It wouldnt be for you or for me but for us. Cause your right woman ! Its just better if we're both Christian. I know your gonna be thinking, "hmmmm, hes probably just saying this so I get back with him. He just wants me back. What an ass" and it does look like that. Thats why. Huh. Idk actually. I guess it is kinda fucked up to say this. Kinda shity cause then it would make your life 10 times harder. Okay so ignore that bit. Im not deleting it because effort AND because I said it / typed it with meaning and for a reason.

I get why we dont talk because if your parents find out they'll lose their minds and also because I'm pulling you away from your God things. But like when will I be able to date you. Ya know. Like even if I was Christian, your parents would still hate me. And if your parents forgave me. I wouldnt be Christian. So i get your side of life. Cause thats tough cookie. I wish our love could be enough because it is lowkey for us. Its a rough one. I wanna tell you so many things but i dont wanna jinx your future. I just find it crazy that you think your going to marry someone else. People have been saying its just because your my first girlfriend but I dont believe em. I felt a connection with you. Something I dont see happening with anyone else. You keep telling not to wait for you but its what I feel is right. Just like how you said it feels right to break up. I dont think this will last forever. We'll I wont be able to last much longer but. I feel like we've got this. We've been through a lot together and I'm positive about us. When I said us not being together would be a watse I didnt mean a waste of time or money or anything. I just meant it would be crazy for us to go through everything we did just to let (a big deal) get in the way. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU MY BOO !

Lowkey in the back of my head thinking this

I know I said these things but I cant hold you to anything. You could be over me and my shit and want another relationship. I have to deal with that. If you want some buff white english indie guy to come love you then that the way it'll be.

Deep down I want it to be though. Like I want to be your knight. Your dark knight _wink wink_. I know eternal life is a big thing for you and I'd like to be there with you to. I dont really know if I'll be accepted up in heaven. Even if i am a Christian. Im hard on myself like that. Id rather let more deserving people go to heaven. Idk why I put myself. Its just me. I just see potential in others. More so than in myself. I see my purpose on earth as a chance to help others. You know. Plus im sure when (i cant remember the name of it) the blue lights come down and take people to heaven. Im sure I'll meet you up there. Your just so scared of messing up like one thing and I get it I was like that 2. Id make sure everything was planned out. Truth is. I hd to stop being scared in order to move forward. Like after my car accident. I was terrified to drive again. I couldnt deal with driving. But i had to get over it. And I know you blame yourself and God for what happened. Please dont. Everything happens for a reason. I feel like that stuff taught me a lesson about being calm and calming myself down. It definitely wasnt God punishing you for being with me. Again not trying manipulate you or preach to you or try to change your thoughts. Its just my opinion. All I'm hoping you do is consider what I'm saying. I really truley am sorry about everything but at the same time. Everything that happened has happened and its made us who we are. If given the chance I'd do it again.

Also lowkey I'd love to celebrate 2 years with you. #nopressure. Like seriously I'm being serious but at the same time dont stress you cute little head about it. If it doesnt happen it doesnt happen.

My eating habits have gotten worse. Idk. Im lowkey scared im dying. I want to go to the doctor but its expensive and I've been such a burden on my parents. I'm pretty sure I can wait a couple years before getting it checked up.

My new glasses are cool. You have to see yhem in person. That another thing. I thought i wouldve seen you by now just driving or something. But i guess you only really drive to church and home. Or to someones house or like a party thing.

Happy 21st birthday baby. Wow. Your getting like so old. I still remember falling in love with the 19 year old you. Look how far we came. A whole 2 years. Youve grown so much since then. Firstly you don't bump into cars xD. Jk. You really have become such a grown up and I've been blessed being there with you. You became independent and youve become yourself. Its was a wild trip but to see you come out on top has been worth it. You deserve the world. And if anyone tries to hurt you / stop you, send em my way. Youre one of the most beautiful intelligent cutest amazingest bestest person in the whole world. Happy Birthday Boo.

The boo tattoo. We getting em together ? Also all your stuff is still here so if you do move out invite me over sometime so i can drop off these things. Lowkey your life is amazing and spontaneous and I have huge FOMO (fear of missing out). You don't to worry about me tho. I've been waiting to do things with you.

Moving out. Yeah. Its a big possibility next for me. I remember you originally said we can't live together which sucked but made sense. So. If you ever need a place to stay. Call me. I'll set up a guest bedroom for you.

I wasnt going to with your dad a happy birthday because you never with mine I dont think. But im not a monster like you. Jk lol. You probs just forgot.

Also it really sucks you cant speak 2 me. Your not an asshole. I just wish you could've helped me calm down.

Im sorry this was so long. I'm sure Ive forgotten things and said things I shouldnt have but tbh its been kinda theraputic for me. Like I feel a lot better having got thise things off my chest. You dont have to reply to anything yet. Cause I know your brains busy atm. If you can acknowledge that you seen it that would be nice. But ja. Please dont take anything Ive said personally or strongly. I just blurped things out and yes things do have meaning. But it takes two to tango. I desperately want to tango with you though.

Ps I love you

Pps Im sorry

Ppps take me back

Pppps jk. not jk

Yours truly

Triston Kyle Pillay (Penguin)

3:36 Vala is today. Shhhh

[marylqa]

Tagged!

Tagged by: @gentledreaming (thank you!!)

Rules: Answer these questions and tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better!

Nickname: Mara, Mery, Meryr and Maria

Zodiac: Sagittarius! Honestly I agree with almost everything people say about those whose zodiac is Sagittarius lol

Height: 165cm

Time: 12:23 am

Favourite band/artist: WHAT A TOUGH QUESTION!! AGHHH!! I guess I will have to go with Green Day! Fell in love even more with them at their concert 💕 (but I also love P!ATD!!)

Song stuck in my head: UHHH ABBA’S MAMMA MIA AND FERNANDO

Last movie I saw: I think it was “How to be single” though I didn’t really enjoy it that much :(

Last thing I googled: tbh what type of a person are people who are Sagittarius XD

Do I get asks: unfortunately very rarely:(( I love being asked questions sorry

Other blog: that’s my only one ☝️

Why did I choose this user name: well, it all happened when one of my best friends called me Meryr and I was thinking about changing my nickname on instagram, so I’ve chosen to add “qt” (you know , like cute XD) and meryr, and I kinda liked it so I changed it on tumblr too.

Following: oh man unfortunately a lot XD when I started this whole tumblr thing I followed every person that was reblogging/liking the same stuff I like and now I’m following over 5000 people X”D. Unfortunately because some of these blogs are now reblogging let’s say not good stuff and I’m currently working on unfollowing those inactive or “bad” blogs.

Average amount of sleep: I’m usually sleeping about 8h but sometimes I go sleep way later than I wanted to and sleep less than 8h:(

I Lucky number: 20 I think, it just reminds me of my birthday haha

What am I wearing: cute socks with lemons, grey sweatpants and grey t-shirt, just chilling man

Dream job: director or camera operator!! Generally something connected with movies

Dream trip: I honestly would love to Italy again, because it’s so beautiful here and also I’ve been learning Italian for like a year maybe! I’d love to meet some Italian people, eat pasta, tiramisu ahhh 💕💕💕 But I also would like to visit Norway for the first time! On photos it looks really great!

Fave food: wellCOFFEE OF COURSE, but I honestly love Lasagna bolognese and I could eat it everyday lol

Play any instruments: I wanted to learn how to play piano or guitar but let’s just say that it’s not for me XD

Eye colour: dark brown

Hair colour: naturally it’s dark brown, but since 2015 I think,it’s blonde (and honestly I love myself more with this colour!)

Describe yourself as aesthetic things; dogs; games; movies; flowers; photos; pastel colors; also SNOW A LOT OF SNOW ❄️

Languages you speak: Polish, English, Spanish and Italian

Most iconic song: that would be I guess Eric Clapton - Layla; Elvis Presley - can’t stop falling in love with you; Led Zeppelin - stairway to heaven; and Pink Floyd - time [IM SORRY I CANT CHOOSE ONLY ONE ICONIC SONG I REALLY AM]

Random fact: I’ve got a little, now almost invisible scar on my wrist because I’ve cut myself while sipping my jeans :))))))))) (please don’t comment)

Tagging: @jerrychos @devianttruther @heartsarecompatible @magicalicefairy @connor-rk69 @detroit-become-hurt @isleofandroids @randomfandomimagine @magical-musical-imagines @kdottp @magnolopsida @almostrealdudes @prettysteve @pewff @thirium-fiction (I know it’s not 20 people but I honestly don’t know that many lol)