#i also moved home to help my mom take care of my grandma

[goatsorcery]

ive been on the verge of a panic attack all day that was caused by the fact that ill soon be moving out and living off my own earnings again and im terrified. im really looking forward to moving since i won’t be living in my childhood home with my mom anymore, and ill be moving in with my sister, but i don’t know if im mentally ready to be living paycheck to paycheck again. at least this time i have some savings but the thought of being back to living in a constant state of being one bad day away from not making rent sends me into a spiral.

[talekinesis]

I need Stan and Ford to see their mom again

Like let's say she's still alive and in her 80s, she's in a wheelchair (ambulatory, she has customized canes) she still lives in their old home because a part of her hoped Stanford would come back, and she didn't want to leave their home, so he'd know where to go back to.

She wanted to stay put in case Ford came back.

So imagine her shock when both her boys come back home to her

Obviously Stan immediately starts apologizing for faking his death, putting her through grief, her arranging and attending his funeral, but she stops him like "I'd much rather it be fake than real." That's her baby boy, back from the dead, something most people don't get, so to her it's a miracle.

Her Jersey accent is thick, and it actually brings out the twins' accents that had faded over time (Stan's sounds natural to him since he always retained it a little, but everyone finds it funny when Ford's accent comes back because he just doesn't seem like the type to speak like that)

THEY MOVE HER INTO THE SHACK

The boys wanna take care of their mama and keep her around since it's been so long, and Caryn is delighted to be moved out of a loud city with rough memories and into a quiet little town where the people are odd but nice. Ford and Stan both work together to make the Shack accessible for her. Ford actually sat in her wheelchair to test everything and make sure she could get around on her own.

They catch her up on everything, and at first they don't think she'll fully believe them but she's like "Stanford built an international portal and got lost for 30 years? Stanley took his place and turned his home into tourist trap? Yeah, that seems like something my boys would do."

When she learns Stan taught himself engineering to re-build the portal, she's obviously very proud of him. "You were never dumb, Stanley, ya just learned different. Honestly, I always thought ya had A-D-H-D but Pa never wanted ya tested. But look how smart and creative ya turned out, son! I think ya did good." And Stan is definitely not crying.

Personal headcanon: Caryn was also really smart and picked up on things quick. The boys had to have gotten it from somewhere, and it wasn't Filbrick. He just took the credit because 1) he was the worst, and 2) times were different back then and no one would have really taken her seriously. But she's the one who would fix things around the house since she taught herself how to keep the place together and running since Filbrick wouldn't pay anyone to come and repair anything.

Imagine little Stan standing behind her with a flashlight while she fixes the wiring in the wall because an outlet stopped working. Both of the boys helping her while she fixes the car for the third time that week because it keeps breaking down. Mama Pines taught herself how to keep things up and running because no one else would or could.

Caryn meets Mabel and Dipper when they come back in the summer, and Mabel is THRILLED

She's technically met them before but they were still newborns at the time so they don't remember her, and she hadn't gotten a chance to see who they'd become

Mabel makes her a sweater and she wears it with pride. And I really think it would go like that scene from Elemental

Caryn: You made this?

Mabel: Oh, yeah, it's nothing-

Caryn: Nothin? Babygirl, my designer dresses were made by 'nothin.' Oh sweetie, you have got to do somethin' with this skill. And to think, I have an original 'Mabel Pines.'

And don't think I'm leaving Dipper out of this, he gets his great-grandma's attention too. She loves talking to him and listening to him tell stories about the monsters they've encountered in the past. She sees a lot of Ford in him, but she also sees a lot of Stan in him in other ways.

I think Dipper's love for "girly" music is something Stan used to share before Filbrick "disciplined" him for it. Child Stan used to sit in the kitchen with his Ma and sing along to the radio, usually listening to whatever she had put on.

Now all three of them sit in the kitchen and listen to the radio while Stan cooks.

Ford feeling like a failure for putting everyone in danger, and Caryn just goes, "Come talk to your mama." And he does. He goes and talks to his mama, like he always has in the past. She's in her 80s and they're grown men in their late 50s, but she's still their mom, and you never really quit being a mom.

I might actually write a short fic about this, I love it so much.

[sprite-writes-fanfic]

Ok so I wonder how the TMNT boys (any version you want) would react if they had an S/O who they loved a lot, and they get sent to the future and in the future they get to meet their grandkid, and sadly their now old S/O who waited for them the whole time and never moved on. it turns out the S/O had been pregnant before they went on the mission and technically lived out their life raising the kid on their own.(due to the turtles being in the future) Also said kid is now an adult and is very unhappy with said turtle but the grandkid is over the moon to meet his cool ninja granddad of course its resolved they eventually go back to their past S/O who didn't know any of this but of course is happy to see them again.(and said timeline is avoided) I wonder how the boys would react to that scenario Also sorry if this was super long winded or a not very well written request, its my first time asking one, Thanks for your writings!

Okay first of all anon, this is probably one of the coolest asks I’ve ever seen, I love your imagination dude!

Second, I AM HERE FOR THIS ANGST AND FLUFF DUDE CRYING. Also thank you so much! I’m glad you like my writing!! 🫶🫶🫶

Sent to the future!

🐢💙❤️2003 TMNT x Reader💜🧡🐢

Word count: 2374

CW: This one is a long one, AFAB reader due to pregnancy, being mom/grandma, still tried to keep it gender-neutral. I haven’t gotten far enough into the 2003 series where they actually go to the future, so keep in mind this is my imagination going into overdrive, angsty, lots of crying, minor cussing, it gets fluffy in some moments though!

🐢 T/N stands for turtle name.

Tags: @sharkie-inthesea, for looking over this before I posted! <3

Sorry for the longer wait, I spent a lot of time the first day writing, then yesterday I was out of commission unfortunately 💔 But I finished today, I really hope you guys enjoy, because man, I enjoyed writing this!

Due to some circumstances, unfortunately the turtles had to travel to the future for a very important mission, I mean it’s not everyday you receive a hologram from a random stranger urging you to come save the future. And the idea of their future being in danger, meaning you, everyone they knew and New York would be in danger, so they had to take this mission.

You couldn’t help but bite your lip anxiously as you watched as they geared up, you wanted to hold them back, tell them to stay, tell them New York needed them here. The growing pit in your stomach telling you that you’d never see them growing much larger and even agitated, you absolutely hated the thought.

You looked at your lover, the feeling growing even worse, “T/N I—” you started, but was interrupted, “Hey, we have to go.” One of his brothers said, and your heart dropped as he turned to you and smiled. “Hey, I’ll be back, Y/N.” He pulled you close and pressed one last kiss to your lips, “I’ll be back before you know I’m gone, okay? I love you.” And that’s when you knew, you couldn’t talk him out of it, and with a defeated sigh you said with a forced smile, “I love you too.”

He squeezed you closer before finally pulling back, nodding at his sensei, before walking into the TV that took them to the future with his brothers, and just like that… They were gone.

“No…” you start, tearing up, before Splinter placed a hand on your shoulder. “It will be alright, my child.” He tried to soothe you, “It is okay to cry.” He said, and right then and there, you cried into the older rat’s shoulder as he comforted you. He stared at the TV and hoped for his sons safe return home…

Once the turtles arrived in the future, they were all honestly quite surprised how the world turned out to be. For Donnie, this was ABSOLUTE heaven! Everything is made from the ground up with technology! How amazing! The turtles couldn’t stare in awe for long, they had a mission to take care of.

They split off to cover some ground, and as T/N searched, something peculiar caught his eye. In a nearby alleyway, some cyberpunks came flying out, and they looked awfully familiar. He jumped down and took a closer look and saw an all too familiar tattoo. “The Purple Dragons…” he muttered bitterly. A sinking feeling grew in his gut, so it seems that Shredder’s influence didn’t die in the future and even to this day, they were still here to give New York trouble.

“Hey!” An unfamiliar voice called out to him, and a teenager came out, holding his weapon(s)?! The teen looked awfully similar to him too… Turtle features but had human features too, such as hair that looked a lot like yours, tied back, he had your eyes too, he wore a torn cloak around his shoulders and he eyed the turtle suspiciously. The teenager pointed his weapon at him, “What’re you doing here?! Helping those Purple Punks?!” T/N’s eyes widened. “No! Never! I never liked them much in the past, why would I ever like them in the future?!”

The teenager paused and eyed him suspiciously again, “Past?” He did a quick once-over before the kid looked shocked, “Wait… GRANDPA?!?!”

And that’s what led T/N to sit in a house, sitting on his knees in front of the low-dining table, walls covered in family photos. Some he could make out as, it was the teenager, which he came to learn his name was Lucas, with his father. Another turtle who Lucas obviously took after in looks.

Lucas came back into the dining room, basically dragging his father as he was babbling non-stop about who he just met. His father’s ridges were furrowed in confusion, “I thought I told you to stop fighting those stupid—” before he looked up and everything seemed to stop, his eyes widening at the sight of his own father who sat in front of him. “Lucas, who is this?” He grit his teeth as he held back his rage. Lucas would go on to cheerfully say, “It’s grandpa T/N! He said he came here in the future to help save it!” The young lad beamed excitedly.

“Get out.” He said in a voice full of anger, directed all at T/N, catching him by surprise, “What—” he started before being yelled at, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU SON OF A BITCH!” He raised his fists, about to fight his own father when he was stopped. “Giovanni, what’s going on?!?” A familiar voice spoke out as an older version of you rushed out and stopped, eyes widening at the scene in front of you. “T-T/N…?!” You stared in shock.

🐢💙Leonardo💙🐢

💙 Leo’s whole world stopped once he saw you, and he was quick to stand, “Y/N…” his heart ached when he saw the tears form in your eyes, “Leo… You finally came back to me?” You would rush to him, hugging onto him tightly, “It really is you…!” You sobbed out. Leo was quick to hug you back, holding you close as he comforted you. “Y/N, what happened?” He asked as you pulled away, cupping his face, “So much…” You whispered.

💙 Once everyone settled down, you sat across from Leo with Giovanni and Lucas beside you. Giovanni was giving Leo the harshest glare he ever gave someone, meanwhile Lucas was practically bouncing in his seat. You take a deep breath before looking at Leo, who waited patiently. “When you went to the future, I found out I was pregnant… I didn’t think it was possible, but… I had Giovanni.” You start, “Master Splinter helped me name him because I wanted to keep the line going with naming my kids after Italian artists, like he named you all…” you would lower your head, Giovanni placing a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “Master Splinter passed away a few years later after you all went into the future and never came back…” you tear up again, “I don’t even know if in that future you’re still alive or not.” You began to weep softly, making Leo’s heart ache at even the idea of him ever abandoning you. He would never, and he knew that.

💙 He placed a hand on yours, “Y/N, I loved you more than life itself, I would’ve come back to you if I was still alive.” You look up, tears still falling, “I know.” Leo squeezed your hand gently, “Good…” he then finally stood, “I’m going to fix this, I can’t stand to see you suffer because of me.” He smiles at you and gently kisses your hand, “I’ll come back home to you.” You smiled as more tears fell, “Good.”

💙 Leo would leave after giving you a tight hug and wishing his future family well, despite the fact Giovanni barely wanted him there in the first place. Once meeting up with his brothers, they’d work hard to save the future so he could get back home to you, and to start that family together.

��❤️Raphael❤️🐢

❤️ Once Raph’s eyes laid on you, he felt a sudden rise of emotions that made him want to tear up, but for your sake he held back. “Dollface…” he stood up quickly and hurried over to you, Giovanni wanted to protest, but stopped himself when his mother hugged onto Raph tightly, crying into his chest. “Dollface, what happened?” He asks softly, stroking your cheek as he stares at what seemed like a hollow version of yourself. What had happened to you while he was gone, and why on earth was he not with you?! He was supposed to be here protecting you…

❤️ “Oh Raph… After you left, I found out I was pregnant and ended up living with Master Splinter.” You sigh, “He ended up passing away a couple years ago, after Mutants became more accepted here.” Raph’s brows furrowed at the thought, his father was dead, of course that would happen, he was an old rat after all, but it still hurt to think about. He shook his head, “And where was I?” He asked the burning question, watching as your face fell more, “You never came back. None of you guys did, and I fear you might’ve died in the future.” You whisper shakily as more tears escape you, and Raph could only hug you tighter to himself.

❤️ “Oh Dollface…” he would pull away, gently grasping your shoulders with a determined look, “I’m gonna make it better.” He says firmly, “I’m gonna finish this mission, and I’m gonna get back home to you.” He teared up, “I’m gonna help you raise Giovanni, and I’m gonna take care of you. I’m gonna grow old with you, and you can count on it.” He promised as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, a soft sob escaping you as you hugged onto him tightly once more.

❤️ Soon it was time for Raph to go, and as he walked off to meet up with his brothers, he looked back and gazed at his family one last time, he vowed to you, Giovanni and Lucas that he would make it home, and he would make sure of that. When his brothers saw him, they saw a certain fire in his eyes, and the boys knew it was game time, and he sure as hell was gonna keep his promise.

🐢💜Donatello💜🐢

💜 When Donnie saw you, he was still processing everything, how did you two have a baby? How is that even genetically possible? But his mind finally stopped and his heart sank when you came rushing towards him, making him quickly stand up and holding you close to his person. “Y/N…” He whispered breathily, pressing soft kisses to your temple, making you cry harder.

💜 “I’ve missed you so much.” You say, and Donnie knew, he put two-and-two together. “I never came back, did I?” He asks, pulling away as he gazes into your dull eyes, “No.” You shake your head with a whisper, staring back into his eyes. “And you never moved on?” He asks again, his heart breaking at the thought. “No.” You whisper again. Donnie would rest his head on yours as he would rub his hands over your arms, before gently taking your hands, seeing the ring he had crafted for you many years ago, still resting on your finger. He bit back his emotions and inhaled sharply, “Why? Why didn’t you move on?” He asked.

💜 “I don't think I could ever have found anyone who could fit the role that only you could fill.” You would cry again, making him finally break down and cry with you. He hugged you tightly, whispering how much he loved you, promising you that he’d go back to you, that he’ll come home to you. Promising you that you wouldn’t have to raise Giovanni alone. You would have him by your side…

💜 Finally off, he waved goodbye to you, his son and his grandson, and he held his head high, ready to take on this mission, to go home, and to kiss you. To spend every night with you like he always did, to hold you, to create with you, to enjoy peace and life’s gifts. Once he found his brothers, he got straight to work with Leo to make a plan to ensure they all made it home safe and sound.

🐢🧡Michelangelo🧡🐢

🧡 Mikey would immediately begin to cry when you cried, the way you looked so sadly at him, the years of pain without him was more than apparent. “Babe…” he stands up quickly, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, I’m here.” He smiles, holding you to himself, but he couldn’t stop those cries, and he couldn’t stop himself from crying either. He held you tightly, letting your emotions run free. He glanced up and saw Giovanni glaring at him but keeping his distance, he knew his mother needed this…

🧡 Mikey pulled back and would place kisses along your face, trying to cheer you up, “I’m here… You don’t have to cry anymore.” He tried to assure you about everything that happened between sobs. He would rub your back soothingly as he hummed a soft tune to try and see your mind. You felt complete once again when he hugged you, and soon, you calmed down. You guys spent a lot of time in each other's arms, mostly Mikey trying to cheer you up and make you smile, making you relive the old days of when it was just you two being dumb and in love, and the thought made you smile.

🧡 Forgetting about the mission for a while, Mikey instead spent time with his soon-to-be family. Playing board games, getting to know Lucas, and trying to get Giovanni to open up, which he refused, as he very much disliked his own father for reasons such as he left his mother and never came back, not something Mikey could control, but Giovanni still held a grudge. Lucas on the other hand was thrilled to get to know his grandpa, and overall, thought his grandpa was amazing.

🧡 Soon it was time to leave, but Mikey wouldn’t leave until he gave you a sweet departing kiss and, against Giovanni’s protests, gave his son and grandson a big hug, promising to fix everything, to make sure that they don’t live a future without him! And off he went, being sure to fight his hardest on this mission to get back home to you.

……

Once T/N made it home, he didn’t hesitate to hug right onto you, leaving you surprised by this sudden burst of emotions, “T/N…? Is everything okay?” You ask, noticing his injuries, you pull away. “T/N, we have to take care of those—”

“No.” He says, “Just let me hold you.” He says as he hugged you tightly, resting a hand on your stomach as he did so, feeling his own chest swell with gratitude to be here again. This was the beginning of something new, and he was happy to be here with you, and to start this family with you.

[angel-shaw]

OK! TMA child AU! Cuz some people showed interest!!

Ok so the basic idea is that a bunch of the TMA crew are kids under Elias and Gertrudes care.

In order of adoption we have

-Michael Shelly. Gertrude adopted him at a very young age and he has no memory of his birth parents or how exactly Gertrude found him

-Gerry, Gerry is an slightly older teen who still technically lives with his mom but he spends most of his time at the manor (the manor is basically just a big house idk). Gertrude knew Mary but lowkey hated that bitch so she stole her kid.

-Jon. Again Gertrude knew Jon’s grandma so when she couldn’t, or didn’t want to, take care of Jon she took him in. He still visits her.

-Martin, Gertrude was very close to Martins mom so she already knew Martin, when his mom got hospitalized she agreed to look after him. He vists as oftan as he can, even some of the other kids do.(his moms not a total bitch in this btw…yet)

-Sasha, she lived on the streets and tried to mug Elias. She did fail but only cuz Elias is who he is. He thought she was adorable and was tired of the other kids he needed to care for so he brought her home and legally adopted her.

-Tim + Michal(distortion). Tim and Michal were found together. They both were found by Gerry after excapeing their situation. At first they were very hesitant but recognized Sasha from her time on the street so they agreed to stay there. They are very close to each other and don’t trust easily (well Tim doesn’t, Michal has no sense of danger)

-Jane, Martin found her under a bridge wejile playing with bugs one day, she looked cold so he brought her back to the house. Gertrude helped clean her up, she had extremely matted hair and a lot of bugs attached to her. She wouldn’t let go of Martin until hours later.

-Melony, idk when she showed up or how or what her family situation is, she is here tho and I love her.

-Georgie is friends with Jon but doesn’t live with them, she has parents and house. She does come over often tho because Elias is rich.

-Basira also doesn’t live there, but no one except Daisy knows where she lives. She’s really only over if Daisy is.

-Daisys dad is a cop who works by the manor, she goes with him to work and wonders as she likes. She ends up at the house a lot because there’s always something interesting going on.

Then there’s Michael Crew who’s dateing Gerry. (I saw a tictok and I love them together now, leave me alone)

-Not Sasha is also here btw, the kids say her name in a very heavy American accent and that’s how they differ the names between Sasha and her, I will just say it’s not Sasha cuz idk how to show it’s different 💀. I don’t have a very solid idea for how she got picked up but I think she would be trying to impersonate Sasha in someway, maybe online or something and somehow just ended up moving in

Elias is dateing/married to Peter. He’s around sometimes

There is everyone who is included this far!

I do have a separate house that is run by The Angler fish (in a human form obviously) and he cares for kids as well, like the med students, Nicola, N!Sasha (kinda), Jane(eventually she walks between the two places to just hang out so he cares for her when she’s with them), and one suprise kid! :D (Guess who!)

I haven’t actually written anything but I have a lot of story and head canons:) but I don’t wanna make this to long so if y’all like this I’ll post more!!

Tag list for those who responded to my original post so y’all can see this!!! :D

@frontflip-somersault-express @jubjubbird @thehistoryone @aboxisonmyhead @nonbinarytoast @moonvalley94 @pigeons-with-jello @riddle-on-the-milk-carton

I hope I got y’all’s tags right!!! Please leave comments and suggestions!!! I love reading and hearing input!!! Plus if you wanna ask questions about the AU that will help give me something the jump off on!

[pots-sibly]

I woke up today, both expecting and not expecting it to be the worst day of my life.

It's my last day in the city I thought I would call home. The last day of moving out of an apartment I thought I would be able to live in for a long time on my own. The last day to see the few friends I have and experience things that I won't get a chance to in my hometown.

I got little sleep, and a horrible digestive flare in the morning that put me in an immense amount of pain. Upon walking into my now empty apartment, I burst into tears in front of the movers. I sat on the floor in my barren bedroom and cried, telling my mother how much I just wanted to give up, how I am so tired of fighting.

Then, I remembered I still had to say goodbye to one of my neighbours. We haven't interacted much, but she's been extremely lovely and helpful to me. She kept me company during the apartment yard sale. She let me use her stapler the night before a big assignment was due. She spoke to me about her health issues and gave me advice.

She surprised me with a card, and we stood outside her apartment and talked for nearly an hour. She told me about her friend with EDS who is going through a nasty divorce with a horrible man. She talked to me about her cancer treatment. I confided in her about how scared I was to be going back home to live with my extremely conservative, religious parents.

Then, I met my friend (also a neighbour) upstairs. This time, walking into the apartment didn't feel like a punch in the gut. We went to a craft store that I won't be able to visit for a while, but didn't find what we were looking for. She showed me some of her favourite songs, and we sang Honeybee together in harmony. We went to our next stop - a bubble tea shop, as there is nowhere to get bubble tea in my province - when we both realized we were hungry, and she asked if she could take me to her favourite Chinese food place.

She told the waitress I've never had soup dumplings. The waitress was just as excited as she was, telling me how much I would like them. When I asked if the tea was caffeinated (and then said I couldn't drink it, as it was) she offered me a glass of water.

My friend filmed my first time eating soup dumplings. I did pretty good. I was expecting an upset stomach, but they were delicious. We also had pork buns that smelled like my grandma's homemade bread. I dropped an entire dumpling in the bowl of vinegar and laughed until I was dizzy.

We got bubble tea with popping boba, the only kind I've found that doesn't upset my stomach. It was her first time trying the popping ones and she loved them. She dropped me off at the apartment and got out of the car to give me a hug. I reminded her that I plan to come back with giant muscles. She yelled goodbye out of the window of her car, and I yelled it back. We said I love you for the first time.

After finalizing the paperwork, I took an Uber to the Airbnb my mom and I are staying in before our flight tomorrow. The driver asked if I was working or in school, and I told him I was actually moving home due to health issues. He asked what was wrong, I told him: I have an autoimmune disease that affects my whole body. It won't kill me, but it can't be cured. He told me his story about a dangerous heart condition he had a few years ago, and how he's fully recovered and takes fantastic care of himself. He told me I reminded him of his daughter, and that he would pray for me to be healed and get everything I want in life. I almost cried again. I told him I'd pray for him too.

It's cold and raining. I'm having a hot bath and then am going to lie down for the rest of the day. We fly early tomorrow, and I already know this week is going to wreak havoc on my body, but I have the entire month of February to rest. At the end of February, I start a physical therapy routine specifically designed for people with POTS.

This move is devastating. All I wanted to do growing up was to get out as soon as possible. And after having a taste of freedom, of the city and all of the experiences open to me, going back feels like a death sentence.

But there is so much good in the world. In my world. I fully plan on coming back once I am stronger. I have a list of things I want to do once I am able to manage my symptoms (continue learning to box, try Indian food, jump in puddles, build a snowman.)

It is not fair that I am sick. I want nothing more than to stay. But I also know that if I were to stay out here, if I were to continue to try to live on my own, pushing and pushing and pushing - it would kill me.

I am sick. I am, at this point in time, incapable of most things. My independence is gone. My world has shrunk to the inside of my childhood bedroom.

But I have time to write. I have time to draw. I can share my story and try my best to help others in my situation. I can get involved in helping kids and parents and educators learn about conditions like mine, and how to catch them early. I can text my friends and get good rest and see my doctor and slowly get stronger.

My life is not over. Right now, it's on pause. But I will come back.

And I'll have gigantic muscles.

[autumnvine]

She's Gone

Summary: This was the first time you'd ever had a whole movie to shoot, a chance to work with Tom Hiddleston. Tom became your best friend, your saviour. He was always there for you, especially when you needed him most.

Tw: Death of yn Grandparent, mentions of blood in the crimson peak movie scene.

"Well, that's a wrap for today! I just wanted to personally thank everyone one of you for your amazing work. You guys have put in a tremendous effort, go home, rest up, see you all Monday morning bright and early." The director called cut on the scene, everyone was smiling all day filming with no hoovers, no retakes, no cuts. Everyone did so well. Youwere proud of your team, Tom was your best friend he really cared about you as you did him, his girlfriend was just lovely and you couldn't be happier for them, it was nice seeing them both happy together. For all you were single, you were okay with it, choosing to focus on your career right now over relationships.

Tom always looked out for you, he helped you through everything, on your first day he asked you to get coffee with him so you weren't alone, on days you had filmed intense scenes together he made sure you were alright and day where his character shouted at yours, he made sure to check on you and apologized for yelling eventhough it wasn't him, it was the characters but he wanted to always make sure you were alright.

You confided in Tom with everything, when your parents divorced he was there, when your best friend moved away he was there for you, when you were ill his was the shoulder you lent on. Tom knew your whole life, he knew absolutely everything that happened in your life, just as you did his. The bond between you was unbreakable. Rock solid.

"Yn you did amazing today, I'm so proud of you, how is your shoulder after landing o n it today?"

"Thank you Tom, you did great also, you always do your scenes amazing, my shoulder is okay trust me I had a soft landing on the mat, so what's your plan for the weekend are you and Zawe going out?"

"We are yes, I'm taking her out on Sunday for our anniversary. She's working tomorrow or I would have taken her away for the weekend."

"Awh Tom that's lovely have a fabulous weekend, congratulations on your anniversary."

" Thank you darling, What about you? What is your plans?"

"I'm not sure I might call home see what's happening there and how everyone is doing."

"Have a great time, say hi to your parents for me, be safe"

"Thank you have a great time too." You hugged Tom and left for your separate trailers,

Your trailer was almost as big as your apartment, a dressing table, wardrobe with your everyday clothes, some of your makeup and sprays. Sitting down in front of your mirror you took the rollers out your hair, took off your makeup and removed the dress from your last scene, you'd be in serious trouble if it got dirty or lost at your apartment. Slipping into some leggings and an oversize comfortable jumper with your trainers.

Gathering your belongings and driving home, you took your golden retriever out for a walk as soon as you got in, she was so excited to see you, as you were her. There was a great little walk around your home, through the feilds and trees, giving her some time offf the lead to run free without anyone getting knocked over by the speed she runs. IIt had been over an hor since you finished filming for the day, not once thinking to check your phone.

Missed call x5

message x 5

"Call me, you need to come home now"

"Yn answer your phone, we're at the hospital"

"Are you working, hurry up before it's too late"

"Yn call me right now!"

"She's gone Yn, your grandma passed at 3.15 this afternoon, she just wanted to say goodbye to you, but you wouldn't answer"

Trying to call your mom back a few times but no answer, Crying at the horrific news, your grandma passed away, yous had always been so close, when youy were ill when you were little she made you soup and scones, insisting it made you feel better. When you fell off your bike and broke your arm when you were nine she came over while your mom worked, gave you the controller for the Tv and let you eat so much sweets and cakes as you wanted. EVery birthday she was the frst one to call you, as well as christmas, and when your grandpa died last year you insited upon staying with her so she wasn't alone, but when she needed you most you didn't even know, you weren't there.

Leaving to go for a walk along through the town, the silence was making you more upset, knowing you can't call her, see how she was doing, or being able to get ahold of your mom, you found the beer garden she took you to the day after your 21st birthday to celebrate and drink with you. Sitting in the same table, drank exactly what you had that night of your birthday, having a coctail a passionfruit martini "I'm sorry Grandma I hope you found your peace" raising your glass to the air you toasted each drink in her honour. Drink after drink, hour after hour, "I hope your happy up there with grandpa"

"Hey just leave the bottle for me yeh?" you asked the bartender while passing over $40 to pay for it.

After a few hours you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder

"I'm sorry ma'am you have to leave were closed.

"I'm sorry, I'm going I'm just going"

Grabbing your purse and of course your bottle you walked home, eyes red raw from the tears shed for your grandma, your dog greeting you at the door, tail wagging, running around you as you kicked off your trainers,

"Come on babe lets go to bed."

The following morning you tried to call your parents again, who didn't answer again, they never text you back from last night. "Babe want to go for a walk?" youasked your beautiful golden pooch laying on the bed beside you, as soon as she heard walk, she ran for the door.

Strolling through the streets with your dog trying to call over and over, trying to take your mind on your grandma, it wasn't working. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes again just at the though your grandma was mad you never answered. All day you walked around with your dog throwing sticks for her, and playing chase, getting some water for her as you had been out for a long time,stopping in for a wrap on the way home.

You went for a shower, got some comfy pyjammies on and curled up on the couch with a blanket, tear falling onto the blanket, one after the other after the other until there was no stopping it, babe jumped up onto the couch and nuzzeled her face under your arm and layed over your lap trying to comfort you.

Monday morning had came around, no word from your parents, you had to drag yourself out of bedget up, get dressed, kissed babe goodbye "I'll be back in a few hours okya, I love you" you always spoke to your dog like she could understand you. You knew she could.

"Alright guys hope everyone's weekend wasn't too crazy, now I need you to be ready Tom for the last scene in the film, so get ready, get dirty, remember exactly how the hair and makeup wasbut your team will support you with this. Yn I need you ready in fifteen minuites, hair, makeup, dress everything, get whoever you need to have this done and go. The rest of you I need some clothes scattered over the floor on scene, I need everything done ASAP people, come on, last scene we can do this!" Shouted the director possitively encouraging all of you.

In your trailer you pulled the dress overhead, two ladies working on your hair, one lady working on your makeup and a man filming the behind the scene documentary. "Getting ready with Yn" Walking on set you waited for Tom running over your lines in your head, preparing yourself and trying to keep your tears at bay.

"Hi Tom, how was your anniversary?"

"Yn darling it nice to see you this morning, it was lovely Zawe and I had a wonderful time, how was your weekend?"

"It was fine" coosing not to tell him the truth or you'd cry

"ALRIGHT EVRYONE PLACES, PLACES......AND.. SCENE"

Tom's line "McMichael is still alive, he's alive"

Yn line "You lied to me"

Tom "I did"

Yn "You poisoned me"

Tom "I did"

Yn "You told me you loved me"

"I do, please trust me this one more time, let me make this right,you can leave if you want, or you can wait for me here, I'm going to get those papers back, I'm going to finish this, I'm going to get us out of here"I'm going to save you Tom kisses you "Now hide, don't let her find you, I will finish this and we will all be free, we sell the house and let themmines and the Sharpe family name die"

You kissed Tom and ran off scene as scripted, still watching from the side, he ran through the halls of the mansion

"Lucile it's over, she's gone, burn the papers and we will all be free"

"It will never be over"

"Lucille it's over pleae, pass them to me" reaching over to pick up the papers

"Nooo" Lucille shouted, cutting Tom with a fake knife as scripted "You did this, you made this happen, you were never supposed to fall in love with anyone, you were supposed to love me, you were only supposed to love me, it was perfect, it was us, and you fell in love with her!" Lucille shouted repeatedly stabbing into his shift as scripted. Obviously not hurting Tom but watching it hurt you.

"AND SCENE! THATS US GUYS WELL DONE" The director shouted, everyone started clapping and cheering, hugging and dancing with achother, but you stood crying watching as your best friend was stabbed oer and over, which you knew was fake and just the scene for the movie but it was all too much, "Tom" you shouted running over to him, wiping your tears and helping him up, "Darling are you alright?" Tom pushed a strand of the wid behind your ear oaway from your face, tears streaming down your cheeks, "Oh darling what's wrong?" Tom sympathised with you pulling you into his arms holding you against his chest

"Darling you did so well, your scene was amazing, are you alright? What's wrong? Did I upset you, I'm sorry my dear"

Sobbing in his arms he helped you up "Come on lets go outside, somewhere more private, get you some air"Tom was fully aware that everyone was watching your heart break in his arms, you nodded and walked outside with him but the tears wouldn't stop no matter how hard you tried.

He guided you over to your trailer, politely asking the makeup and hair crew to leave,.

He helped you sit on your front trailer stap with him sitting just infront of you, holding your hands runnign his fingers up your arms,

"Darling whta's going on?" Talk to me"

"I saw you, and she hurt you, and your bleeding and I'm so sorry"

Tom looked down to see the bloodstained shirt he was wearing, obviously fake blood from the scene, none the less he removed it, sitting infront of you topless

"Darling I'm alright, look she didn't hurt me it's alright, it's all fake, you know that."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Tom"

"Yn don't appologize it's alright, just take a deep breath, dry your eyes, tell me what's going on. I know this didn't upset you this much."

Taking some deep breaths of fresh air, looking at Tom's blue beautiful eyes

"She's gone Tom, my grandma, she's gone, my mom won't talk to me because I never said goodbye to her, i didn'tknw, I was working, I was filming I din't know. And now noone will talk to me,I feel completely alone and she's gone and nothing is going to bring her back. She was 86, it's her birthday in a few weeks, or at least it was. She's gone I don't know what happened, my mom text me saying there atthe hospital friday lunch time and at the three she text me again saying my grandma is gone. I'm so sorry I never ment to get this upset, or ruin your filming party, I'm so sorry Tom"

Tom gently held you in his arms as you spoke about all the times you had spent with your grandma, and how she adored you, Tom comforted you explaining to you that eventhough you were working when she passed, it's what she prefered, she wouldn't want you to get upset talking to her, and she would want you to be happy. "You darling I bet she's up there right now looking down on you, sitting with your grandpa, sh's reunited with her love. You finished your first film, both she and I are so proud of you." Tom kissed your head, he always knew exactly what you needed to hear.

"I want you to come have dinner with Zawe and I, I don't think you should be by yourself."

"That's so kind of you Tom thank you, but don't worry I have babe and I can't leave her by herself all night."

"Alright, well I'll drop you home and stay with you for a while until I know babe will take care of you."

"Thank you Tom"

"You are my best friend Yn, you are never alone, you always have Zawe and I, we are both just a phone call away alright"

"Thank you"

[otakusheep15]

Winter Holiday with Twisted Wonderland

Hi everyone! It's been forever since I made an actual post. I've been trying to write for the past month, but the world just does not want me to lol. But I made it through 2023 and now it's the new year, so I thought it was time I post something again.

This is basically little blurbs of how I think the boys would spend their winter holidays. I'm trying to keep everything ambiguous since I don't know what they celebrate, and I also want everyone who reads this to feel somewhat included at least, so this is me trying my best. If it feels a little rough, that's largely because I'm still trying to fight the writer's block lol. Still, I hope y'all enjoy!

First Years

Ace Trappola: He mostly spends his time relaxing. It's not much different for him than any other season. He enjoys the vibes of winter, but he's not the biggest fan of the cold, so he does his best to stay inside. A big secret of his is that he'll secretly binge all of the cheesy romance movies airing around this time. He'd never admit it though.

Deuce Spade: A lot of his time is spent with his mom, as per usual. Lots of shopping days and going to winter farmers' markets. They also spend time at home drinking hot cocoa and watching holiday movies. He does also enjoy a good afternoon jog through the snow if it's not too much.

Jack Howl: He loves the winter very much. It's his favorite season. He spends most of his days outside playing in the snow with his siblings and enjoying the cold air. The one thing he dislikes his how he grows a double coat to keep him warm, meaning he sheds a lot more than usual. Other than that, he's having fun. Anytime it snows, his tail is going wild with excitement.

Epel Felmier: From dawn until dusk, he's either in the fields tending to crops or out in the crowds selling products. When he's done with work, he likes to curl up in front of a warm fire and work on his carvings. His hands always have to be moving, even when he's meant to be relaxing.

Ortho Shroud: He's spending time with his brother. Idia is not the best at socializing, so he does his best to make sure Idia has someone during these months considering how bad seasonal depression can get. He's also trying to help Idia get more out there, and enjoy the festivities of the season, even if he knows it won't work.

Sebek Zigvolt: He spends winter the same way he spends the rest of his time, with Malleus. Or, that's what he wants to be doing. Instead, he's given a vacation, much to his displeasure. So now he's spending time with his family. It's a little awkward being gone from his station for so long, but he will admit (to himself, begrudgingly) that it is somewhat nice to have a break.

Second Years

Riddle Rosehearts: Winter is always a bit strange for him. He's so used to spending it at home under strict conditions that it takes him some time to get used to the freedom he now has. He likes to spend his time sitting by a fireplace with a book and some tea. Now that he's independent, he likes having this time to relax instead of worrying about family.

Ruggie Bucchi: He spends time back in his childhood home. He visits his grandma and helps take care of the neighborhood kids. They're full of energy and like playing around when it snows, so of course he joins them. He'll also spend time cooking warm meals with whatever ingredients he can scrounge up.

Azul Ashengrotto: Winters are a busy time for him. It's the season of giving according to some, so he's taking full advantage in any way he can. He's striking deals with anyone he comes across and just generally doing the same shady things he usually does. However, he is also consciously taking breaks and making sure to spend time with his family, or at least calling them if he's above the surface.

Jade Leech: He's tending to his terrariums. Winter is not the best for a lot of his plants, so he has to give them extra attention lest they wilt. It's a lot of hard work, but he's very dedicated to them and he's willing to put in the effort. He also begins working on winter-specific plant life and fungi as well so that he can grow his collection.

Floyd Leech: He gets the winter zoomies. The cold makes him extra hyper and excitable, so he's running around a lot more than usual. Ever since discovering snow, he's loved it, so he's spending most of his time rolling around and playing in it. He also loses whatever loose sleep schedule he had and just passes out whenever his body physically can't anymore.

Kalim al-Asim: He prefers summer, but winter is fun too! While he is busy helping his dad and getting trained to succeed him, he still makes sure to take time to have fun. He and his siblings will go out and play around in the snow and just have fun however they can. He can't always handle the cold like his siblings can, but he does his best to keep up with them.

Jamil Viper: He's given a vacation on the request (read: demands) of Kalim, so he's relaxing. For once he has no responsibilities, and he's living his best life. He's making warm curry for himself and catching up on books he's never had the chance to read. He does have the urge to go back to work early, but he forces those urges away.

Silver Vanrouge: He's spending time with his father. Winter makes him extra tired, so he spends a lot of it inside sleeping. Lilia stays with him for a lot of it, and they bond. He'll cook warm meals and they'll watch movies together. They also make sure to visit Malleus often so that he isn't lonely.

Third Years

Trey Clover: The bakery is busy this time of year, so he's mostly occupied with that. He's baking, running the store, making deliveries, and keeping up with orders. There's very little free time, but the time he does have is spent with his siblings. They play in the snow together, watch movies, and drink warm cocoa by the fire. His parents will also join in if they have the time, which is even less common than him.

Cater Diamond: He's keeping up with all of the winter trends of course. He's taking selfies in the snow, reviewing all of the winter exclusive products available, and blasting classic winter music. He loves this time of year because of how festive and fun it is, but it also drains him very quickly on the inside, so the seasonal depression hits quick as well. He won't let it show though, at least until he's alone.

Leona Kingscholar: He does not care. The only difference is that winter is cold which makes him more tired than usual, but that's it. He might stay inside more to avoid the snow, but when you live in a castle, there's plenty to do inside as well, so he's fine. Cheka might force him outside, but he's not enjoying it at all. The snow bothers him and so do the festivities.

Vil Schoenheit: Most likely, he's working on a winter-themed project. A movie, play, photoshoot, something along those lines. It's tiring work, as per usual, but it's what he's required to do, so he does it. What he would like to be doing is relaxing, however. He actually quite enjoys the wintertime, so it'd be nice to spend it alone and without stress. If he could, he would relax at home, maybe even with his dad if he were free. They could finally spend time together and just be normal.

Rook Hunt: He's spending time with his family. It's so rare for all of them to get together, so it's nice to be able to see everyone at once like this. They are also a very competitive family, so many days are spent playing games and having fun competitions amongst one another. Board games, games in the snow, or just random games made up on the spot. It's fun for everyone.

Idia Shroud: He is, as expected, by himself playing games. He may go back to S.T.Y.X. if his parents request it, but he's not leaving his room. In his own way, he is being festive. He's playing winter-themed games, watching anime that takes place in the winter, etc. etc., but that's as far as he'll go. He's not the most fond of the winter festivities because that's normie behavior, but he might be convinced by Ortho to come outside and be festive at least once, as a treat.

Malleus Draconia: Usually, he's alone. Winter can be a lonely time for those without family. However, this year, he does have a family. He has Lilia and Silver, and Sebek too. They all make sure to visit him whenever possible, even if they can't be with him all the time during winter. After all, they do get their time off, so they're allowed time to themselves. However, they still visit him, and that makes him happy. He also spends time with his grandmother when she is available. Still, for a good majority, he finds himself alone, wandering the halls as usual. Sad.

Lilia Vanrouge: He's spending time with Silver at home, mostly. He makes an effort to visit Malleus when possible, but he's mostly relaxing on his own. He and Silver have fun bonding together, something they don't get to do often. He also makes sure to see Sebek and his family too. He tries to cook some hot meals for Silver, but Silver will not let him in the kitchen, so he's upset, but he's still having fun with his time off.

[edenfenixblogs]

Personal life stuff

It’s been so funny to track my mom’s ideas around me being an SMBC. It’s all gone about how I expected (generally my mom takes awhile to come around on things), but the specifics are hilarious. It’s also a study in how (many) Jewish mothers demonstrate support. *

Bringing it up about 1.5 years ago | Mom: this is the worst idea you’ll change your mind babies are expensive babies are hard don’t do this here is a list of every medical issue related to pregnancy by the way are you sure your aspec cuz this would be easier with a partner have you thought about…

Digesting info about a year ago | Mom: I will not speak about this I don’t want to talk about this I will not deal with it you cannot make me

After I told her “This is happening with or without your support, so get on board or don’t interact with your future grandkid,” about ten months ago | Mom: If you’re gonna have a kid here is a list of things to take care of both health wise and financially beforehand

After talking to a friend of hers about my goals, about 9 months ago | Mom: My friend S is an SMBC. I want you to talk to her about your goals cuz she has insight I don’t.

After her friend told her what we talked about (which I fully expected), about 9 moths ago | Mom: S seems to think you know what you’re doing. But where are you on that list I gave you.

After talking to my aunt who already has grandkids about my goals, about 8 months ago | Mom: Your aunt is excited for you. Here are several articles I’ve read about baby proofing your home.

A month later | Mom: Here are Instagram videos of cute babies.

A month after that | Mom: …your office would be a good nursery.

A month after that | Mom: You should pick a sperm donor with a different ethnic background. Let’s avoid passing on the same anxiety to the next generation. (Note from Eden: Don’t worry. I know it is not advised to stray too far into different ethnicities so kiddo doesn’t feel disconnected from the parent they do have access to. I know kiddo is going to want answers about their cultural history and body and genetics and I wanna be able to fill in those gaps. I do my research don’t freak out, friends.)

A month after that | Mom: Don’t name your kid [Insert name], because it reminds me of someone terrible.

A month after that | Mom: You know, if you move home you might be able to move up your timeline on when to start TTC.

Two months ago | Mom: One good thing about moving home is that I’ll be closer to help you with pregnancy.

Last month | Mom: If you get a house near me, then your kid will be in walking distance of grandma’s house.

Today | Mom: Did you know that for the cost of raising a child for one year, you could have SIX DOGS?! (I told her ideally I’d have two kids) YOU COULD HAVE TWELVE DOGS!**

* For the record, the entire time, my dad’s response has been: “I didn’t know you wanted kids. Cool! Good luck!” Lmao

** This is especially funny because I have a dog now and it took her a year to come around to the idea of me having a dog at all.

It just really makes me laugh. The journey from hard opposition to concern trolling to concern supporting to blatant support and joking is such a funny journey to me.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Did I tell you about the -first- time I broke into a house?

Because I have done that a lot, but only with the owner/tenants permission and usually because they locked themselves out... 100% legal break ins.

But the first time I was like 7 ish?

One of the guys mom was dating and grandma -who lived with us at the time... or was about to- both decided we were someone else's problem at the same time on the same day when we were getting home from school and my mom was at work.

Maybe they told my mom they didn't want to show and maybe they didn't but she was at work and couldn't leave, and if she told one of them to stick around for a few hours, they didn't.

So we get off the school bus and get to the door and no one is home. We're locked out. It's sunny as shit and I can't see, because I've never been able to see outside very well, but it might have also been cold, I think I remember winter clothes and personally being too hot in them, and my sister was crying that she was hungry or something, otherwise panicking, she used to freak out kind of easily. And I was a skinny little kid... But I 100% kicked in the door. Kicked where the lock was stupidly hard and slammed my whole little body into the thing at a run. First I think I snapped the cheap metal latch on the screen door on the outside of that and I am not sure it ever latched again. It's the metal composite stuff you aren't even sure is entirely metal because it's like too bendy and grainy?

No recollection of the second door, as getting that far only got us into the sun room, but my mom came home to find the door broken in... And my sister and I calmly sitting at the dining table with toast or something.

And I do very much understand my mom being emotional and angry about that one. Imagine you get a call from this guy you have been seeing and he tells you basically "I know I've been getting some fuck out of this but I did not sign up to watch your kids, see ya lady" and you tell that dipshit "Tough luck, you are going to stay there until I can get back"... And then you get back, and your kids aren't outside, but there's 2-3 busted in doors between you and the inside of what was a secure house. You are calling out for the dipshit and he's not answering because he isn't there, your kids aren't answering because well, you aren't calling out to them... You get in through the busted doors and look around not knowing what to find or where your fucking kids are and... They are sitting at the table eating toast [the one thing your eldest is allowed to make on their own, after a fun conversation]. No one else is there or ever was there. [Do you want some toast too mom?]

It was one of those times my mom was pissed and I expected it to be directed at us, at me, but instead she was -mostly- pissed at whoever backed out of watching us at the last second... I think.

Unexpectedly what I got was a pat on the head for making sure my sister got inside, even though she was super pissed about needing to replace the lock on the door and maybe wasn't careful about making sure it didn't sound like she was pissed at me for it, and then a lot of side-eyeing. I think there were a lot of things my mother was counting on us being too weak to get into when her mom was "watching" us [watching tv in the living room, smoking, and painting her nails]. And -a lot like the baby gates and locks when I was a toddler- my mom was freshly realizing that it wasn't that I couldn't get into it, it was that I was taking the precautions as a polite request not to.

I can't help but feel like if I had been a boy as a child none of this would have been a surprise or an issue. I'm pretty sure that it would have been expected I'd be that strong and that it wouldn't have caused any alarm or any need for adjustment, new rules, hiding things in new places or like, getting my grandmother to move in with us as child care in exchange for cheap rent. I'm pretty sure that was the first major hint to my mother that if I wanted to do damage to something or someone I very much could, and was very obviously choosing not to. [And maybe my sister too? She used to punch me for fun for like an hour and then start screaming like I was hitting her -while still punching me- until she could hear my mom approaching, then she'd punch me a few times really hard so i would get up to try to stop her just as my mom was walking in, and it was always "if you weren't hitting your sister why is she the one screaming?" And a lot of acting like it was -us- "fighting" like "two sided" thing... And never questioning why I was always the one coated in bruises? And my sister generally didn't have a mark on her? That stopped at some point around that age.]

After that it was all "I locked myself out of my apartment and I can't get back in, you look like you know how to break into a house/ you look like you can fit in that window" [thanks?] and "I'm out of town for another week but the guy who was supposed to feed our cats bailed, can you break in and feed them for the week until we get back?" with a side of implied "I am assuming you know how to break and enter"... When like... I have never illegally entered a home guys. I learned to pick locks a little bit for when my sisters stole my keys to -my- stuff. I happen to fit in through windows that most people don't, and the only time I actually *broke* anything to get into a house I was a panicking child... But thanks [this is what happens when you wear a leather jacket, fr].

[razor-tits]

A very long and over due life update.

So, to start this off I guess I need to back up. Let's start in October. It feels like yesterday but also a lifetime ago. Things were...ok I'd say. Boring, routine, the only shake up was my hormones ran out and my job was changing our insurance, so I had to cancel my follow up appointment for bloodwork and a refill. But then I got some bad news from my parents.

My dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital. He was ok, but he needed surgery. First they thought just a stent, but then decided he needed a triple bypass. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, but we're kind of distant. I live a few hours away and only see them around the holidays but we talk on the phone weekly. My dad can lean a little on the conservative side but both of them are the absolute salt of the earth. They're done so much to help me and I felt powerless to be able to help. I couldn't leave work and felt like there was nothing I could do.

The next couple weeks were rough, my dad was staying in the hospital, my mom was going back and forth staying with him and taking care of my grandma, who is in her late 80's and has a litany of health issues. On a Friday I finally managed to make the drive home and spend the weekend there. Seeing my dad laid up in a hospital gown tied to machines is something i'll never forget. He could get up and move and acted like he was ok. But he's one of those guys you meet and you think he's invincible. The kind of guy that put a new roof on our house with a broken finger and can't turn away a stray animal at the door. Some family members I hadn't seen in a long time came and went over the weekend. Thoughts of our own mortality set in and I realize this could be the last time I see any of them.

I've lost people before. Some of them suddenly and unexpectedly. Others who's death was almost a sigh of relief after fighting for so long. I never got to say goodbye when my friend died and I hope he knows how much he meant to me. I don't want to feel that again, ever.

The day of surgery came. He was in the OR for 3 hours but it felt like an eternity and a second at the same time. A few hours after that my mom and I were able to see him. He was extubated already, which was a good sign. But he was on heavy medication, incoherent, coming in and out of sleep. But he knew I was there and that's all that mattered.

I had to leave and make my way back to my parents to get my dog, and then make the 2 hour drive back to Ohio and go back to work in the morning. At this point I knew my dad would be ok, he just had to get through recovery. But now thoughts of my own health were worrying me. I'm not in the best shape, I don't exercise or work out. I've already had surgery to fix stomach problems. Everyone on my dad's side has heart problems, and everyone on my mom's side has cancer and diabetes. There's not much I do to prevent any of that. I'm in my 30's and I feel it, maybe more than I should.

Over the next couple months my mental health continues to fall. I had a birthday and spent it sick, as I always seem to do. It's always a rough time of year for me. Seasonal depression kicks in, I get older, and another year passes. My dog, my best friend, the reason I kept myself alive, is getting old. I see it more and more every day and it breaks my heart.

The holidays came and went. I saw my grandma for the first time in a few years. Always wondering if it will be the last. Despite that, this year I never felt less in the holiday spirit. I used to love this time of year, now I desperately try to enjoy it, but part of me just wants it to be over. The best part seems to be a few days off work.

At this point it should be noted I have not restarted hormones. My identity has always been more in flux than i've let on, and maybe that needs to be it's own post, but I don't know if I want to start again or not. I don't know what I want, I don't know what my goals are. I don't know who i am. Beyond basic hygiene, I really don't even feel like taking care of myself most days. I pretty much always feel melancholic. I'm not angry, I don't get excited, I don't have much joy. My sex drive is non existent and I have no desire to do...well, anything.

New year's comes and I honestly couldn't care. It feels like another day. My gf and I go out and have an Ok time. I'm just so tired all the time it's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself like I used to.

And then, a couple days ago my landlord calls. We have to move out. Not sure when, but probably soon. I'm heartbroken and panicking over it. We absolutely love our house. We've only been here about a year and a half but it's been wonderful. It has plenty of room, privacy, it's quiet. We can leave our doors unlocked and packages aren't stolen off our porch. We're allowed both of our dogs and all 3 of our cats with no issues. We've invested so much time and money here. My gf is close with the owners and their children, who were the previous tenants. We even thought about trying to buy this house off of them when their other kid moves out of the downstairs apartment. And it's affordable. Anything else like what we have now will cost double and we can't afford that.

Our last apartment was tiny, cramped, dark and ran by an awful property investment company. And now we have to deal with that again. If we can even find a place where we can take 5 animals. We can hide 2 of the cats, but not all of them. We're in no position to buy nor do we have the time to go through the process. My gf said we may have to find 2 different apartments and live separately for a while. Just the thought of that brings me to tears. I can't live without her, I can't live without our pets. We're a family. I don't know what to do.

Since I got the phone call I've done nothing but panic, contact rental agencies and weigh my options. None of them are good. Best case scenario is we move in a smaller, worse place, paying more rent.

Nothing is going right for me. I know this isn't insurmountable and nothing that people haven't gone through before. But...god damn I need a break and I can't get one.

[shroomerr]

Shroom, darling! It's me! In your inbox! I hope you're doing alright! I got questions about Anh!

1) Was she born in South Park, or did her family move in? What is her family life like?

2) You mentioned before that her and Craig are close, even touched on their dynamic a little bit! What do they do when they hang out? Do they remain close after high-school?

3) When she's an adult, what do you think she does for a living? Is she happy doing it?

4) I am absolutely in love with that picture you drew of her and Kyle where she's the witch! What school of magic does she master? Is that her TSOT outfit?

5) Have you made a Playlist for her yet? If so, gimbe 🤲 please!

Present day shroomer here: I'm so sorry this took so damn long you can tell exactly how long ago this was written because I talk about my assignments SJDLAHA WHATEVERR TIME IS A CONSTRUCT ANYWAY

AHH DUDEEE 💓💞💖 THANK YOU SM FOR THESE QUESTIONS!!! Other than these assignments making me low key tweak, I'm doing good esp now that there's only one week left (it is now past the semester oops)!! Having these asks is such a nice distraction from all of the monotonous work. It makes me so happy that you want to know more about Hanh!!

(also no youre not going crazy haha, I changed her name from Anh to Hanh. Her full name is Dao Hanh Tran! Tran being her last name)

Ok, onto the questions!!

Was the born in South Park, or did her family move in? What is her family life like?

I mention it briefly here, but Hanh and her family moved into South Park! Timeline wise, I imagine that this move happens before the town became gentrified and people from all over started moving in. They're originally from Michigan and moved to Colorado in order to be closer to family, and South Park seemed like the perfect place to call home (but mostly because her dad found a ridiculously cheap house listing that was too good to pass up). To which Hanh was sorely disappointed, seeing as they just went from one cold climate to an even colder climate, but this time with nothing but mountains and rednecks all around.

Her dad is a restaurant owner and her mom works at a nail salon that's owned by one of their relatives. I think it would be pretty funny if her dad owned the City Pho that we see in Post Covid and if he had a sort of rivalry with the Lu Kim from City Wok, lol. No siblings. When she's young, Hanh has a good relationship with her parents. No tragic deaths or backstories of the sort (yet). She kind of has the perfect life, despite their busy schedules: they bring her out to go a lot of places, spend a lot of time with her and are financially stable. When they first move to South Park, her parents would usually pick her up after school and bring her to the nail salon or at the restaurant either to do homework or to help out with the business (because you're not truly Asian until you participate in child labour! Whoo!).

It's only after integrating themselves into the town more and becoming familliar with the neighbors (aka the M4) that her parents trust her to stay at the boys' houses more, only after getting to know their parents well enough. This is mostly because their workplace is outside of South Park and their closing hours are relatively late, so they don't want to make her stay up too late with them.

As she grows up, her relationship with both of her parents becomes rocky. Around when she reaches Middle School, her parents start putting a lot of academic pressure and expectations on her, especially her mom. Their dad also starts becoming more distant, not only from working on expanding the restaurant chain but also because of family issues stemming from Hanh's grandma on their dad's side: a lot of back and forth trips from South Park to Denver, who takes care of grandma because no nursing home would take her, their grandma's dementia making her incredibly difficult to talk to, etc. It starts causing a lot stress for Hanh's dad and subsequently causes a lot of problems at home, where now both parents are constantly fighting (with very poor attempts at hiding it). Pair that with stubborn attitudes, insecurities and blame games? Yea, nothing constructive is coming out of this. Around this time Hanh tries to avoid being home as much as possible: spending time studying at the library, Kyle's house, hell even at Stan's farm if she can. If I ever get to explore this in a story or comic, this would be a major plot point of what I would want to explore, along with the other boys' problems and dynamics.

Maybe someday I'll figure out a happy ending for them...

You mentioned before that her and Craig are close, even touched on their dynamic a little bit! What do they do when they hang out? Do they remain close after high-school?

Oof that last one was kind of heavy, so let's talk about something more light-hearted! So I'd like to think that Hanh was close with Tweek before they became close with Craig. Speaking of Tweek!! I feel so bad that I completely forgot about him in the best friend ask, but he's arguably one of her closer friends. At the very least, closer than Wendy. But yea, since she became close to Craig thanks to Tweek, usually all three of them hang out together: either studying (very rarely and very begrudgingly: Tweek has barely any time for studying with working at the coffee shop and Craig just doesn't care), or usually their main activity is just going to Craig's place to watch Red Racer for the 100th time (shh don't tell Craig but at this point Hanh barely pays attention and she just draws the whole time, lol). They do this pre-Creek and even post-Creek, because both Craig and Tweek find it stupid to let their relationship affect their other friendships, so they still stay close to each other. They tried doing a group miniature model assembly thing with one of Tweek's sets, but he got too stressed out trying to tell them all of the instructions and seeing them mess up that they never tried it again, lol. If Tweek is busy at the coffee shop, both Craig and Hanh will go there to visit him and keep him company (though Hanh tries not to go with Craig too often just so that the two love birds can have some alone time 🤭). But for specifically Hanh and Craig, I think the two of them are the types of people to not want to do anything too extravagant when hanging out together because just the thought of it can be exhausting: so they stick to just hanging out, watching cartoons, maybe play video games (trying to beat each other in Smash, Mario Party, fighting games, etc.) and sometimes just silently doing their own thing but in the same room. I think after high school, they'd definitely talk a lot less since I imagine that Craig and Hanh would move out of South Park so that proximity aspect does affect their friendship. However, conversations always get picked up as if no time has passed. So, yes, they still remain close even after high school :)

When she's an adult, what do you think she does for a living? Is she happy doing it?

When she grows up she becomes an artist! Specifically an illustrator, so not the kind that makes paintings and puts them up in galleries, but the ones that work with clients, does commissions, work for certain companies, etc. I'm not too sure specifically what kind of illustrator she'd be, since there's so many different kinds. Maybe she'd work as a concept artist for a game company, or as a freelancer picking up odd job offers from different indie studios, or maybe she'd even try to establish her own brand and sell her own merchandise! If after high school she's still hesitant on choosing that path, she'd probably study psychology just to have a fallback plan, but the final goal will always be illustrator! And yea, it's definitely something she's happy doing.

I am absolutely in love with that picture you drew of her and Kyle where she's the witch! What school of magic does she master? Is that her TSOT outfit?

Ok I had to look this up because I am a DnD NOOB I only know like....... the very bare minimum.

So I didn't really have a specific school of magic in mind of Hanh when I made that witch design. I just kind of thought "haha funny witch" and rolled with it because I love witches HAHA so I think she's kind of got a bit from every school of magic? I'm so sorry if this isn't the answer you were looking for, I really didn't think too hard about it when I made that drawing haha

But I can tell you more about the other question! So no, that isn't her TSOT outfit. I guess you could say it's her in a Monster AU? Since we have Vampire Kyle that originated from the Pinkeye Halloween episode, I kind of thought "oh if she was celebrating Halloween with them, she'd have a witch costume for that episode. Oh, what if I turn that into some sort of Monster AU?" And since a lot of the inspiration was taken from that fic I mentioned in the original post, it just got the synapses sparking HAHA

Her TSOT version though.... ooo.... I've been working on it for a while, and I've still got the game to play but I think I've got a pretty concrete idea of how I want it to look? There's just some kinks I'm not 100% sure on, but I've mostly got the lore figured out.

Have you made a Playlist for her yet? If so, gimbe 🤲 please!

ok, so funny little story uh.......... im a "liked songs" kind of person and i NEVER make playlists. ive actually only started making playlists like 2 months ago (and only started using spotify like 2 weeks ago) when i got sick of scrolling through my liked songs and i didnt even have any playlists for my characters UNTIL THIS ASK LOLL

But!! I've learned since then!! So let me show you what I've got so far:

In terms of a playlist that she'd listen to, I cannot give you an answer to this because this girl will quite literally listen to everything lol (not me projecting but eh whatever this whole character is me projecting anyway). It'll go from Beabadoobee, to Mother Mother, to Sleep Token, to Tyler the Creator, to New Jeans, to JVB, to DPR Ian, to Nothing but Thieves, to Tame Impala, to the Beastie Boys, to Charli XCX— yea ok you get the picture. It's rare for her to like everything from a single artist and she has songs from every corner. She's a fan of pretty much every genre, it's just that she'll be picky about what songs she ends up enjoying. So yea, her music taste is my music taste!

As for the actual playlist I made for her: it's a mix of both songs that I think fit her vibe and songs that relate to her story. Good luck figuring out which is which, though, because I put both of them together HAHA

Some songs are not related to her story/do not fit her characterization at all (ex: i think there's a beabadoobee song that talks about one night stands? and that is nottt the kind of person she is). It's also because I haven't had the time to check all of the lyrics for each song to make sure they fit her vibe, so I just decided to lump the both of them together lol.

(Some day I'll make one that's specifically works for her story, but I'd have to actually write it out first. But for now, this works.)

[whibleysims]

*knock knock knock*

Michiyo made an involuntary "Huh?" at the sound.

She opened the door with her guard up but nothing could have prepared her to see her mother in law.

"Hi, Michiyo," Sandra Sato smiled. She gripped her own hands together for steadiness.

"Sandra?"

"I know this is a little out of sorts, but may I come in?"

"Genji isn't home."

"I was hoping to speak with you, if that's alright?"

The women talked over fresh coffee and stale pancakes. Sandra explained her intentions to make amends and bridge the gap between her and Genji. She also expressed desire to learn more about Michiyo and their growing family, careful to acknowledge that trust needs to be earned over time and how committed she is to doing exactly that.

Then Sandra proposed an idea to help accomplish everything in one move.

A little while later, Genji returned from work early. "Mom?"

"Hi, son."

"What's going on here?" he asked his wife.

"Genji, it's okay!" she laughed lightly. She adjusted a fussy Naomi while she explained, "Your mother came up with a wonderful idea."

"I find that hard to believe," he muttered as he pulled up a chair.

"It's true, Gen."

"It's okay, dear," Sandra offered. "Thank you, but I have to speak my peace with my son now."

"Good luck," Michi said to Sandra before taking Naomi upstairs.

"What's this about, Mom?" he asked with a mean scowl.

"I want you to move in with me!" she announced.

"You're joking." Genji became legitimately concerned for his mother's state of mind.

"No," she laughed, "don't let my smile fool you, I'm very serious. Michiyo seemed to really like the idea."

"What--?"

"Genji, son, I have a lot to make up for -- too much for what little time I have left."

"Mom?"

"If you move in with me, I might have a chance to make amends for some of it, at least; be a grandma to Naomi, a mentor for Michiyo, and a good mother to you too. Please, I'm only asking you to just consider it for now. Please?"

Genji was stunned, but witnessing nothing but sincerity in his mother's tone he promised to talk it over with his wife.

"Thank you, son."

[royalchewy]

Brozone Parents

my personal take on the Brozone parents. Got the idea while matching Brozone to AJR songs and thought “how can I make JD even more sad” and then ‘God is Really Real’ came on and I thought “perfect”. Please let me know any thoughts you have if you read the rest below

Brozone is in its early years, Floyd is getting ready for his debut into the band. Everything is going well, their parents are so happy with how the band is already taking off and their boys are so happy to be performing together. Everything is perfect. 

Then, their mom is taken during trollstice, and their dad is taking it badly. He doesn’t know how to continue without her, they had built a family and home together, she was his true love. He turned grey, he won’t eat or speak, he won’t even leave his bed. He is essentially dying of a broken heart.

Rosiepuff and JD are doing everything to give the other bros a sense of normalcy, they’re still working on new music for Floyd’s debut. Rosiepuff is old though, so JD is stuck with a lot of the responsibilities. This includes keeping the egg that had been in his dad’s hair safe, since being grey means he’s less warm and the trolling in the egg would die if JD doesn’t step in.

JD is doing his best to take over raising his brothers. Grandma handles more of the cleaning and providing a home, while JD does a lot of the parents. It’s a lot of work and always chaotic, but he always takes time at the end of each day to give his dad an update on everything happening and also tries to get him to leave his bed.

Eventually, his dad is put in a medical pod, to give him around the clock care to see if any forms of therapy help, but nothing is working. JD is gradually begging more and more desperately for him to get out of bed and to get better, because he isn’t ready to lose both of his parents. He’s hyping up his newest song, but says he’ll only play it for his dad once he gets out of bed.

One day, he walk into the medical pod and his dad isn’t there. A couple of options from here:

1)Their dad just up and left, and they have no idea what happened 

2)He died from his broken heart and the medical staff moved his body to hopefully prevent JD from turning grey 

3)It’s Trollstice and he is willingly sacrificing himself to be with his love again 

4)He leaves a note to say he’s going to the Neverglade trail, where the two met, and when he feels her spirit is roaming and he’ll feel the greatest connection to her.

All of these leave JD feeling like he failed his mother and brothers, by not being able to get their father back. It’s also why he puts so much pressure on the band, because maybe if they’re successful and can hit the perfect harmony, he’ll make their mom proud from where ever she is, and maybe, just maybe, their dad will come back (in scenarios where he didn’t die).

4 though, is why Clay holds so much resentment for JD. Because he left them for the same thing their dad did, which means he lost all his parental figures (in a way) to the Neverglades. Bruce had the same resentment for that reason too, but it fizzled out a bit over the years and after finding his own true love and becoming a dad.

I wrote a majority of this at 3am one night, so I’m sure some of this needs adjusting, but let me know any thoughts/questions

[weirdthoughtsposts]

One thing about school that always bothered me is history class, not because it’s history, but it was only talking about things that happened 500+ years ago, which I get, but also, my country has only became a country in the last 100 years, and already went through four different types of government in that little amount of time, one of them fucking up the country socially, economically, environmentally, and it’s relation with other nations, that government only fell 20 years ago, my generations parents remember that, they remember not being able to express their political viewpoints or they’ll get abducted and tortured, maybe even on live tv, they remember their men disappearing, they remember being attacked for their race and religion, they remember how shitty it was, like only two years ago did I learn that my mom’s uncle was kidnapped because he had the same name as someone who publicly opposed the government, although thankfully releasing him before he was tortured because they realised they had the wrong guy, but I was never taught that in high school, only in college, which seems so wrong, this is something that is still affecting the current environment here, why aren’t we talking about that? Why aren’t we talking about how fucked up the old regime was? Everyone agrees so damn it in the history books that everyone has to read. Me and everyone else in my age group doesn’t care that our country’s land was invaded 300 years ago, but we do care about why our home is the way it is, why is it so fucked? Why were we never taught that? Talk about the tortures, the violations of human rights, the mass graves that were found, the chemical attacks on areas that caused high levels of cancers and malformations in newborns, that specific races up north that were targeted and had multiple mass disappearance cases, that’s not talked about, sure the British fucked us up, but they fucked up everywhere else too, tell us how a few horrible people from our own home destroyed it, that’s what we care about.

And it didn’t end there, foreign forces that came to “help” us, only abducted men and stole from our people, my mom tells me how her and my grandma had to hide their gold jewellery or our “saviours” will take them, the way my country and people from my country are viewed in the world is really bad, I hate having to defend my people from bigots who only believe what the west tells them, tourists who visits say that the people are some of the most hospitable and kind that you could meet, which talking from someone who’s lived here since birth is absolutely true, I’m not gonna say there isn’t horrible people, but if you’re in public even if you’re a woman you’ll probably have a positive experience as well, my country is full of beautiful sites and a rich history that extends beyond what Europe and the west did to us, we have some of the oldest recorded history in the entire world, a lot of old scientists came from here.

Another thing the west ruined was that rich history, our national museum was ransacked after the old regime fell, so many of our artifacts were stolen, entire statues were stolen and put in the British museum, Louvre, the Met, even somewhere in Berlin, the few they didn’t take were ones that were excavated after or that were too big to move.

The most wild thing that they did was prevent us from learning about our own history, two years ago, me, my mom, my aunt and her son, all went to one of our national museums that showcased how life was in the past, then we went to another historical site nearby, this site is important because it’s one of the oldest schools ever known, at first we went around on the outside (technically inside cause the building is a giant rectangle without the middle, but like, not inside the building just inside the premises) cause that’s all that was open to the public, then a guard saw us and came to talk to us, we were talking and when he realised my aunt and her son were only visiting since they lived in another country, and that my aunt is an architect, he took us on a tour on the inside of the building that wasn’t open to the public, he explained why the building was built the way it is, what certain rooms and perches for, he even gave each of us a little booklet that wasn’t given to just anyone, then he took us to the last place of the tour, he pointed us to a room and told us that that’s were someone very important to our religion in our country was murdered, both my mom and my aunt then went into the room separately to pray before they came out crying, and the reason none of this is allowed to be public? The goddamn west. I’ll honestly never forget the kindness of this guard and I’ll forever be grateful to him, because if it wasn’t for that tour I probably won’t remember that visit in so much detail.

[mamasplat]

Hi, I'm new to your asks, and I just wanted to say that you True Serena True Run and Calem Run are my favorite things right now! I love them so much, I simply cannot wait to check out your blog.

I was just wondering if you still took writing requests?

If you do, I'd love to see a scene between Calem and his dad (we've already seen his mommy issues, now we need to see his daddy issues)

[also, a smidge of Kalosshipping with slowly creeping demi realization just for me? pretty please?]

Oh my god I’m so sorry it took me this long! But hey luckily for you we’re on the heels of a holiday that fills me with a grudge strong enough to kick my writers block aside for the sake of me venting my past frustrations through that reformed emo boy.

Calem doesn’t really have much in way of daddy issues, Louis is a great father! Catrina just does enough damage for two which he is trying to fix.

Quick notes!

You will notice Shauna is mentioned here, and while I’ve hardly brought it up I have given her and Calem a sense of solidarity while being total opposites. Shauna was seen in fanon (at least on wattpad) as an obstacle to a lot of die hard shippers and I lost track of how many comments I’ve spotted that label her along the lines of being a slut or whore. Much like I do regarding Magma Admin Courtney’s fanbase interpretations I take this into account and give Shauna the tragedy of girlhood: catty teenage gossip getting you ostracized at least a little.

I don’t get to explore it in this little oneshot but the idea of Shauna being a romcom obsessed girl and being the one to try and help Calem understand himself and his differences makes me feel very fuzzy inside.

more of a chekhov's gun to my kalosshiping stuff- it gets a solo upload outside of the main dabble collection. I do have one scene written out on my true kalos run based irl blog which is the scene where Calem would have his realization, or more accurately, Shauna calls him out on what’s happening- regarding his feelings towards Serena and how they’ve shifted in a way that’s entirely unfamiliar to him.

Sooo I could flesh that out into a full one! I already have a wip. Ya know…if you guys wanttt

◇─◇──◇─◇

The Combees and the Fletchling are Using Evasion Strategies (Hey That’s Banned in Tournament Scenes!)

◇─◇──◇─◇

Dad wasn’t always home, it used to be family trips.

Calem, mom, dad, the fresh snow of Anistar and Snowbelle.

It was mutually beneficial, dad’s ace needed cold climate somewhat regularly, mama’s Glaceon would never turn her nose up to the chilled breeze.

The only thing keeping them in the town of Vaniville was the deed to the house.

If not for the old time-y HOA they’d have the rights to do whatever they wished with the land as well.

It was his grandma’s, when she passed then it went to his mom, and one day it would be his.

And when the home is his to care for, he’s sure his parents will finally move to their snowy escape.

When his mother started to take his training seriously the house went on lockdown.

Hardly leaving, rigorous daily routines, not a moment to breathe.

It’s worth it, it'll all be worth it.

The abnormal cold of the yard in the summer, the mesmerizing mane of a neck that went far over the privacy fence, the rain created by the hose in his hand to get his father’s Aurorus prancing a ‘bout. Her trainer tending to his Hippowdon.

The neighbors always knew when Louis was home.

His mom never was one to talk to about feelings, let alone anything related to romance- it would earn him nothing but scorn for not having his full focus on his career. She wouldn’t let him be dulled by a pretty face.

Dad was easier to talk to, a lover boy in his own right who held no shame to brag about his teen years with Catrina and just how much Calem’s grandparents hated him.

His mom sounded like a much friendlier person when dad gushed about her. And maybe she was. He remembered his mom being much more caring when he was still too tiny to train. She means well, he thinks.

“You said if I needed to I could talk to you about anything, not as a parent but as an equal.” It’s never easy starting this kind of conversation, sitting there in one sided uncomfortable silence waiting to find the right stepping stones… “is that still true?”

“Of course, what’s up?” Casual, friendly, not uttered like a dog's command to speak. An easy flow.

He won’t turn away from the gentle giant of a fossil before him, not unless prompted at least. “When did you start like…..liking people..?” Stumbling far too vague to truly get his concern across.

“What do you mean? Like romantically because oh boy i-”

“Sexually.”

…and now the silence formed a new.

“Well, hormones are a natural thing.” His father reassures before he sees the full picture, “normally people start experimenting young, i think i was around 13 when i started getting into my own feelings. But I was a little younger than you now when I actually got physical.”

“And you know me and your mom were real sneaky back-”

And he already knows where he’s trying to lead the conversation, protection, finding the right person, all advice under the pretense that Calem’s interested in any of it.

“Gross.”

“Alright alright-”

He would rather die than learn any more about his parents sex life, his mom’s mom already said too much and nothing nice of it either.

“Look at glaceon and hippowdon, they like each other a whole bunch! They sneak around to keep us from getting onto them. And that’s all fine but-”

“They’re in the same egg group…” His words an unpleasant drone.

“Yup! And when they get too much alone time we have to call the professor to rehome the egg,” or they could’ve just given the egg to Calem- but his mom insists he isn’t ready for anything beyond his espurr. “it’s not their fault! But people can prevent that with condoms and birth control.”

“You know you could just get hippowdon neutered.”

His father chooses to ignore him. The same way he’d ignore his mom and the professor. He would not neuter his hippowdon out of a deep sense of dick sympathy-

“You have a major advantage because you can use modern advancements.” He expressed like some…weird car salesman for condoms.

“I mean like, I don't want to.”

“Don’t wanna what?”

He hears the amusement in his fathers voice and it makes things harder. He shuts off the hose much to the Ice type's confusion.

“Why don’t I feel this way?”

It’s a cutting tone, it’s a tone his wife spoke in. It gets him in gear. Turning his attention fully to the boy, crouched with dusty knees on the path of their front yard.

“Hey there’s no shame in it. What’s got you so worried about it?”

He lowers the hose, the fossil lowering her head sorrowfully.

“Why am I like this.”

Homeschooled since 3rd grade to be ran like a competitive race horse by his own mother. And even when he was in school he wasn’t well liked. His inflections didn’t come out right, his expressions didn’t seem natural, his smile only quirked at one side. Hiding behind teachers legs, under tables, trying to hide in closets to avoid eating lunch around others-

Louis tried, god he tried. While Catrina didn’t see reason to worry Louis did. Kids need friends- he got him into gymnastics for a few years, got a girl to go be his friend and got lucky enough that she’d stay around regardless of Calem’s lack of conversation.

It’s not enough to soothe the obvious.

“You’re just a little behind your peers, that makes you smart. You would not believe how many of my friends were teen dads.”

A different time back then, wild times where he and his ruthless wife ran the battle scene like a block party.

“I’m not behind, I’m not even there. I’m not in the race- whatever other stupid metaphor people use to avoid saying what they mean.”

He’s not a saint, but he’s not interested. He’s a guy- he had some guy friends and more so he had guys who picked him like a scab. He was best friends with a girl who had been randomly labeled as easy. He had a target on his back; the only difference now is that he’s learned to sneer at the crude comments and explicit suggestions.

Magazines, TV, videos, photos, online, physical media- sex sells and it’s all people expect of someone his age.

“You can’t rush love, son.”

Boots thudded with more weight as the conversation went, his movements and minuscule gestures quick and hasty. Not out of any aggression but rather to distract from the heavy weight in his stomach that made everything just a little too much.

“It’s not just sex. I’m not self conscious, I'm indifferent. Why does everyone think that.”

The words bark and crackle, frustration mounting and fracturing a stoic facade as his meaning is lost in translation time and time again. More like a blurt defense to his mother rather than a conversation with his father.

“Oh that’s not what I meant, I just mean…you can’t knock what you haven’t tried, Cal.”

His father’s words are laced in a low chuckle, earnest and kind. And it does nothing but salt a wound Calem can’t identify.

“You don’t get it. No one gets it.”

He’s only leaning into the stereotype, but maybe there’s a reason the stereotypes exist. Maybe hard headed teenagers are just some projection of adults who refuse to dig deeper into the uncomfortable truths of maturing, from adults who forget what it’s like to be young and confused.

The door shuts a little louder than he wanted. And his dad simply sighs. Shaking his head with a dulling smile.

He’s not mad, he’s just dejected.

◇─◇──◇─◇

[lackadaisyx]

Queenie was born a long time before I got to take her home at the end of her life.

She was born when I was a child that had no control over my life or the kind of care she could/should get. I don't remember much other than she was born less than a year before I moved with my Mom to Manteno into a trailer park and out of my Grandmother's house.

Prior to that, we also lived in the same house with my Grandma.

Queenie was born of Diamond, a very petite girl cat that my Grandma had failed to fix and didn't keep indoors. Diamond had a mostly white coat with black spots that included a little black diamond on her nose! I loved her very much. She lived with us in the trailer for a while after my Grandma passed, but unfortunately my Grandpa (who had to come live with us for care needs after his wife died) let her out during one of his less lucid episodes. Or, rather, put her outside thinking he was doing her a good thing. She never came back. I wish I knew what happened to her.

Anyway, I don't remember many of the other littermates, I was so young. But I do remember, as a child given too much access to kittens (lol), that I was with Queenie on the bed and helped Queenie learn how to walk. I was never believed about that, but I know. She was walking before her littermates after some helpful, gentle, finger nudges and support hehe.

Later, she was 'the fastest cat in the west'. Now, I was too young to know if I was terrorizing the poor thing when we ran around the house and I chased, but she never growled or hissed or hid. So, I guess I like to think she knew I was a kitten too and we couldn't wrassle, but we could run!

She didn't have a name other than that.

My Mother later moved us to Manteno into the trailer, like I said. In 2001, I remember that. I was eleven. My Mom thought she was a boy when she took her to her first appointment for shots, but found out she was a girl. Her name was Queenie and my Mom, really wanting a boy cat for some reason, brought home a littermate that also turned out to be a girl! Named Lady after that.

I'm going to be honest, I grew up in shit circumstances. My Mom was not very good at keeping the litterboxes, didn't fix them when they needed to be, and let them being indoor/outdoor. The park was in the middle of cornfields and country roads and coyotes and mean people with BB guns and worse. And I was....so depressed even then. Wasn't a year or two later that my grandma died and Grandpa came to live with us. I was heavily parentified before I was ready to deal with responsibility like that and I--I just wasn't able to give the cats the attention or care they should have had.

Queenie was a beautiful little girl that liked no one in the house except for me. My Mom never liked that. She wasn't a good person.

My room was trash. It was an add on that leaked all the time and never got heat or cool air. Queenie always spent the night with me. Kept me warm and...later, as I got older, she was always keeping me company when all I could do was sleep any time I wasn't' taking care of my Grandpa, at school, or doing the few chores I could muster from myself to maintain the house. My Mom, you see, when my Grandma died, went into a grief spiral and...I guess, never came out. At the very least, she turned to addictions instead of dealing with it. Which left me the only one cognizant enough to handle the home.

I ran away at 18 to my other grandma's house where my father also lived. I had to leave Queenie behind. My Grandma was anti-cat because 'they stink' and are 'dirty'. :/ Grandma, have you seen a dog? Or any pet? WE are fucking stinky and dirty, dude. (I'm not anit-dog, to be clear. Just don't have the energy levels needed to care for a dog.)

It wasn't until 2017 that I got to take Queenie home. Only because my Grandma had been living out of the house with her boyfriend for a couple years and I could sneak it. I, of course, asked my Dad's permission.

I finally had a car and visited my Mom, even though I didn't want to, and Queenie got in my car as I was leaving. I don't think anyone could have stopped me that day.

I took her home. I felt so bad for leaving her behind, but she was quick to remember who I was and after she got used to the house and my Dad--they became very close buds too. c: She loved us both so much, I know. I loved her too.

At the time, I was still very depressed and poor. I still wasn't able to care for her the way I wished I could. But she lived content for constant cuddles and pets and mutual naps. If I still slept all the time and escaped in my medias, she was still there. Close and loving me and keeping me warm.

I gave her, I hope, the best last 2 or 3 years of her life that I could give her. Imperfect, but surely better than living with my screaming mother that put her outside for her crack snorting, abusive, and 'allergic' boyfriend.

My baby.

I miss her.

One day, she had some kind of eye issue. She hid in the closet, something she never did before, and wouldn't come out. When I took her to the vet, dreading it was the end, she was unresponsive to stimuli. Didn't meow on the way, didn't react to the hand test, nothing.

I never got answers. I'll never know if she could have been helped. I didn't have the money to help her if I could have. I had to let her go. She wasn't living or comfortable anymore.

I was a wreck. Still am.

I was supposed to hug her while she was passing away, wasn't I? I couldn't. I couldn't. I panicked. I don't think I could have felt her life slip from her body. I love her so much. I miss her so much

She's gone. That's it. Still. I cry and weep even as I type this little memorial in hopes it helps someone that's gone through something similar recently.

The only thing that helps is a little prayer like mantra to her memory; I love you. I miss you. I hope I see you again.

Took a while for me to adopt another cat. Two years, I think. And I still cried when I picked up the two new cats.

Hershel and Jojo were black cats from the shelter.

Poor Hershel was abused and it took him two years and two kitten friends to come out from under my bed when I was home, lmao! He's a goober now, I'm so proud of him.

Tomorrow, Jojo, a real fluffy girl, goes to get some trouble teeth managed. I have the money to take care of my kitties! (I'm still often depressed, but my Dad helps and we manage to take care of them much better.)

The other three, Behr, Salem, and Peeper, were happy accidents. I love them.

They don't replace Queenie or the love I felt for her, but they make my life better. I'm sure I make theirs good too.

I hope they all meet Queenie too, after everything is said and done.

I've given myself a headache, but I guess it was about time for me to make this post. For my own heart and mind.

Thank you for reading.