#i also literally cannot type on my phone it’s actually a problem

[rosaacicularis]

thinking strongly about them* right now

*scarian cuddling in the apartment in the scarland castle scar mentioned like one time

[gingerjunhan]

boyfriend headcannons - han hyeongjun

☆彡 EEEEEEKK it’s Jun Han time! :D 🩷

word count: 690 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: YouTube like is safe!!, all caps, (Hyeongjun’s) insecurities mentioned, eating mentioned, I love him, not proofread, lmk if I missed something

← previous member | next member →

obviously, I have a lot to say

here we go

first things first, Hyeongjun shows you how he loves you instead of telling you

there was some radio interview they did one time where the other members said he doesn’t say “I love you much”

so he makes sure to physically show his appreciation for you

what’s that? you were stressed from your workload? Hyeongjun made you dinner and cleaned up your place while you were out

you’re feeling nervous about a big job interview? he got you flowers to wish you good luck

stuff like that

I also feel like someone somewhere said that Hyeongjun is really good with dates?

idk maybe I’m gaslighting myself into thinking that

but he never never forgets anything!

birthdays, anniversaries, important events- he’s there

I also think a lot about the one Knock Down Debate that they did where Hyeongjun yelled at the others because they never pick up their phones when he calls them

so hey, at least he’s good at communication in that aspect

I don’t think Hyeongjun is one for pet names

I literally cannot picture him calling someone a pet name, but I could easily be wrong

if he did I feel like they would be simple

“honey”

“love”

“sweetie”

short and sweet stuff

he gets flustered easily if you call him something though!

I feel like it would be really easy to fluster him

STOOOPP imagine Hyeongjun meeting your pets

forget about your family- let this man meet your cat

okay but fr this man is sweating buckets meeting your family

he’s afraid that they would think he’s too quiet or too boring :(

but once they get to know him and once he warms up to them that’s obviously not true!

I mean, come on, look at the way that man can shred on the guitar. there is not a boring bone in his body

he’s a kiss on the cheek typa guy

no big fancy gestures

just something cute, simple, and sweet

he actually doesn’t strike me as a big gesture guy at all?

no wait let me explain

let me cook

not big on PDA, not the best with words, and he wouldn’t feel like his acts of kindness are very big

like, he let you hold on to kkito while he was away for a few days so you wouldn’t miss him- why are you crying?

ugh I wanna squeeze him :(

he will come to you with any sort of problem no matter how big or how small

he trusts you completely

he would literally be your friend first and your boyfriend second

Hyeongjun strikes me as the type to not need affection much, but when he does he’s a little nervous to ask

“Jun, what’s wrong?”

“I need a hug.” :(

you almost don’t hear him but y’all are so close that you can figure it out

you can basically read his mind

I feel like a relationship with Hyeongjun would go slow, and that’s okay!

why mess with perfection 😉

no need to rush first kisses or first I love yous

you’re just having fun together!

HE MAKES A PLAYLIST OF SONGS THAT REMIND HIM OF YOU 😭😭😭😭

“This song played in the restaurant during our first date.”

“This song was stuck in my head right before you kissed me for the first time.”

“This song was-“ STOP IT I can’t do this anymore

ALWAYS makes sure you’re taking care of yourself

making sure you eat meals and get enough rest

he’s so open minded!

I feel like he has strong opinions, but he’s chill with most things?

those two things literally cancel out but whatever

he buys clothes that he also thinks you would like in case you want to steal them 😼

pays very close attention to detail!

no new haircut or nail color goes unnoticed!

he draws little pictures of you in his sketchbook all the time :(

loving Hyeongjun is gentle, calm, and fun- like sitting in the grass on a sunny day

no pressure, no rush, just you two having fun being together 🩷

god I love him so much

taglist: @dazzlingligth , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

[multiwreckedmess]

Kinktober Day 4

Prompt: Teratophilia Pairing: monster!IN(Jeongin) x fem!reader WC: 3,395 (I literally said “what” outloud...no way) Summary: Would you still love me if I was a worm? Of course you would! But what if I had three tails and claws and teeth sharp enough to rip your throat out and black eyes? Would you still love me then? This is a work of fiction, it does not represent IN or any Stray Kids member. On top of this it is an 18+ work. For my comfort and boundaries please if you are under age do not interact with this.  Additional warnings under the cut.

TW/CW: Idk a great tag for this but Jeongin’s conscious is essentially trapped when he shifts into a monster (unwillingly), the monster is very enthusiastic about fucking, Jeongin is not so much out of fear you’ll get hurt. That said IDK where to rate on the consent scale.

Also I use italics to indicate conversations between the monster and Jeongin. Sorry if that’s annoying or unclear.

Simple warnings - monsterfucking, big dick, humping, unprotected sex, breeding, knotting.

 “Babe, I think you need to know something about me before you start fantasizing about our dream apartment together,” Jeongin sighs. He knew this day was coming. For as excited as he was to dream about the future with you, he was afraid. He knew if it got to this point he’d have to tell you. Mentally listing the number of people who knew and the number of people who’d stuck around he found the number could be held in one hand alone.  You don’t even look up from your phone, scrolling aimlessly, waiting for him. Your eyes flick up to look at him as he fails to continue further. “Mhm. Okay?   “You know how you have a time of the month and like, I am super understanding and buy you supplies and have no problem going out to grab pads or even, like, lay down a towel because a good orgasm can really help cramps? I’m going to need you to be just as understanding okay?   Finally you look up from your phone, concerned. “You don’t need the monologue, what’s up?   He takes another deep breath, hands gripping his knees. Staring straight forward he blurts his whole prepared speech, “I’m actually a monster. A real monster with teeth and fangs. Once a month I need to lock myself to a chair because the need becomes too strong and I could-I could hurt people.”  You’re a blank, expressionless. It worries him, it isn’t a reaction he’d prepared for. “Okay? Like a theoretical monster or-”  “No, like a schedule three restricted access elevated permissions type monster. As in only a few people and even fewer know who are alive. Real serious shit type of monster.   Your brows furrow, “like a werewolf or…?”  At least you don’t look scared. It’s only natural for you to have questions he tells himself. “It’s complicated. Not like one of those hollywood types. Technically I think I’m ‘otherwise unspecified’ but, to summarize, think scales and teeth and wings and talons and black eyes.   The fear and regret and panic in your precious Innie’s eyes is hard to miss. The rapid way he’s rattling through the worst as a nervous habit proves his sincerity. You smile softly at him, “I think I need to see for myself.”  “What no. NO. I could- did you not hear me? I could hurt you if I-” he shudders. “If I get free I don’t know-I couldn’t guarantee-I’m not myself.   You shrug and turn back to your phone, “I trust you. I just wanna see.”

  It takes weeks of working on him to get him to agree to let you join him on his formerly labeled “boys night”. It was not without a long list of compromises on your part. You were to only observe through glass of the french doors in his living room. He would wear additional heavy duty cuffs and chains to hold him back in case the first set failed.  “No matter what,” he reminded you as you locked him into the recessed hooks behind his couch, “no matter what you cannot touch me and you cannot leave the next room. Not even to leave the apartment. The apartment door is the last line of defense and if I get out-”  ‘I know. You’ve said a billion times Innie,” you say as you push his hair back. “It’ll be fine. I trust you.   Jeongin shakes his head, holding his tongue. So stupidly confident, he knew no matter what he said he couldn’t shake it from you. Stubborn and confident in the face of the unknown. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he looked over your handiwork. Everything was just the slightest big large, for now and not for long. The faintest shimmer crossed his forearm beneath the cuff. “Leave. Now.”  Tucking back his hair again you can’t help yourself, tilting his chin up to kiss him. “I love you.”  The kiss dries his mouth, he’s so thirsty he could die. His tongue presses to your lips, eagerly licking into your mouth as you grant him permission. You taste so sweet, sweeter than any candy he’s ever tried. Chasing your lips hungrily his teeth snap at you as you pull away. The sudden aggression making you both jump.  “Are you deaf? Leave!” Jeongin’s fingers dig into his knees, veins popping out all over. Grabbing you he tries his best to toss you backwards, chains cutting his throw short. It’s just enough to send you stumbling backwards. A split second of fear shines in your eyes, a split second that he hates himself for. “Leave,” he whimpers, head hung as he hears the click of the door behind you.

  It’s just in time. Jeongin’s arms start itching, he twitches and contorts to try to relieve the nagging flares popping all over his arms and legs. Slowly the iridescent shine stays, black scales tipping his arms and covering his hands. He screams as the bones of his finger morph curling back and up before lengthening into claws. The human part of him that remains is glad he can’t find you, hoping you left fully and locked the door behind you. Pain shoots through his spine, forcing him to curl in on himself. His jaw unhinges, gurgling through the spit pooling in his mouth, teeth turning to fangs as two feathery wings sprout from his back.  Panting and screeching he’s a half formed creature. Part lizard, part bird, part wolf, and still some human left to spare. The doctors told him it would’ve been easier if he had been able to fully transform, that being in limbo is what made him able to remember it all. This partial transformation kept the sliver of human unable to act and conscious of his state. Full shift meant the human portion wouldn’t know, could escape the pain of knowing and being unable to act.  The creature inside was pissed. It was always upset but tonight the cuffs felt particularly tight and heavy. Tugging with all his might the metal left raw impressions in the scales. Teeth snapping into the night air in desperation. He wanted to feed. He wanted more than food.

  You sat in the small what the landlord considered “dining room” just beyond the doors. Hidden in the pitch black dark beyond the doors you followed your boyfriends’ instructions to remain still and calm. Watching the pain and anguish crossing his face, you want to burst through the door. Despite the various ways he could rip you limb from limb or otherwise harm you, he looked sad. Your heart ached as you watched him struggle, magnificent wings beating and folding and flexing to try to assist his fruitless tugs. Beautiful. He was beautiful, an angel even.

 Almost an hour passed of him fighting frantically with his restraints until he wore himself out, scraped and bruised. Pitiful vocalizations were all that was left of his resistance. Feathers covered the floor, some falling from stress and others from effort. He was still beautiful. Hair hanging into his eyes, he was still beautiful. You watch him for hours, staring, though he really didn’t do much more than doze off and tug at the chains. The way the light falls on him is entrancing, dark scales seemingly twinkling at you like he was covered in stardust. Moreover he still looks like your boyfriend, despite the additions. Your heart ached for him, face covered in tear stains. The once loose cuffs looked far too tight.

  The scraping of metal against metal perks his sensitive hearing. The most delicious scent of vanilla and coconut wafts past his nose. His breathing accelerates as the pat of a bare foot hitting the ground echos loudly in the otherwise empty apartment. The door clicks and his head snaps to face the intruder.  Your stomach drops as his black eyes turn to you, grinning. His teeth are sharp and slick with saliva. “Innie, it’s me,” you whisper.   Eat. EAT. Take. TAKEtaketakeeatdevourpossess. His senses go hayware, newly invigorated to tear at his bindings. What a delicious offering. What a snack. If only this body could have her whole-   He snaps and growls in your direction, chains straining and cuffs cutting in. “Innie! Yang Jeongin! I know you’re in there!”  The monster howls, doing one last tug before settling again. Don’t hurt her, you can’t hurt her. I will kill us if you hurt her. She’s not for eating, she’s not an offering. She’s my girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend. The monster huffs, head twitching to his shoulder, eyes narrowing as he gives you a once over.  “I’m going to come closer. I’m-we need to be able to get along.”  He sneers and growls at the thought. This tiny thing is right. No eating. Girlfriend. Fine. No eating. The monster appears to sulk as you draw nearer. What used to be your boyfriend’s body has grown much larger than you originally thought, almost completely covered in a pattern of smooth scales.   “I’m going to touch you, the cuffs look tight. I want to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself.”   Please no please no please no I can’t control it, I’m not- he’s not in my control. The monster gives you a sideways glance but makes no movement as you reach your hand out slowly. The scales vary from slick and soft like a snakes underside to thicker and more protective where callouses used to be. In particular where the cuffs encircle his legs and arms has built up a layer of armor. A small chirp noise eminantes from his chest over a deep rumble.   “Are you purring? Do you purr?” You smile as you continue to stroke the soft side of his body. “Is the big scaly boy purring?”  A small click comes from his throat, head shaking back and forth. Moremoremoremoremore this. Need this. Good. Hunger. Want tiny thing. Everywhere. Yes. Want everywhere. More everywhere. More now. More fast. Moremoremoremore. Practically panting his eyes slide closed into a state of bliss. Suddenly he flinches and pulls from you with a snap.

  Your blood runs cold, teeth inches from your shoulder as you throw yourself backwards to the wall. ���Hey! Innie! Be nice!” No leverage to hold over your words, a rush of adrenaline has you giggling. “I know you don’t mean it. I know my Innie won’t let you. I trust him so I trust you.”  Stupid tiny thing. Pretty. Want. Want more. Need. He whines and hangs his head.  “It was my fault, I went too far and you didn’t know how to handle it. Just warn me next time, okay?” You approach him again, speaking in a low soothing tone. He’d been overstimulated, he didn’t know kindness, he acted out of fear not out of a wish you hurt you. You made every excuse in the book. Heart beating wildly you were closer than ever before as he leaned back, shaking his hair from his eyes.  Closer close, yes, close. Do not fucking hurt her, you know what will happen to us if you hurt her. Closetastytinyclosetastytiny. DON’T.  Both of you barely breathe as you stroke his hair, slowly pushing it back so that it doesn’t bother him. You’d politely not looked at his boxers, previously loose now stretched to the max, but it was hard to ignore the twitch at your thigh. His eyes slide closed again and you withdraw your hand, his mouth twisting into a frown. “This time you’ll warn me right?”  He chirps again. Stupid tiny thing more now more.  Instead of returning to his hair you start touching his chest. He’s still human here, morphing into fur on his stomach and then to scale on his thighs. Your hands shake as your fingers caress down to the band of his boxers. The faint rumbling starts again. Long strokes from chest to waist, steady as you feel the muscles below relax. As your fingers ghost over the band he growls. “Not there?” You ask softly, shortening your path.  Claim. Hurt hurt need claim. Tiny human need. Need. Breed. Spawn. Offspring. Yes. Tiny thing carry spawn. “Touch. Hurt.” The words are mumbled and unclear, monster unsure of the shape of the words when spoken.   Your eyebrows shoot up. “Hurt? Where, how can I help? What can I do?”   His head hangs down, staring at the nearly destroyed boxers. “Hurt.”  Thumbs slipping below the waist band you watch his face, his mouth, his claws as you tug downwards. The soft thud of muscle against muscle as, whatever is going on down there, hits his furry lower abdomen. The noise he makes is new to your ears, a pleased trill traveling high to low. Pheromones flood the room, musky and masculine. Your head rings, blinking to clear your vision. “That help?” You don’t dare look down. Whatever it was sounded as monstrous as the being that had changed your boyfriend.  Don’t you dare, don’t you dare let her. You can’t have her. You can’t. You’ll hurt her. The monster huffs.  Eyes glued above his waist you continue to pet him, opting to skim his collarbones and shoulders instead of lower. “How is that my sweet thing? See we can be friends. I can help you. You don’t need to be afraid of me.”   Purring, his head droops again, chin to chest, “more.”  You gulp, heart dropping into your gut. “Oh-okay. If you’re sure.” Holding your breath your eyes flick south. “Fuck, more? More?” Your voice trembles. Innie wasn’t normally anything to shrug at, perfectly average length and just a little bit thicker. This, whatever the monster did to his body, this was the most. Your abs flex, walls of your sex clenching. His dick looked mostly human, deep purple and blue veins ran the thick shaft, all the way up to the head, tapered and an angry red.  “Touch,” he insists. You’ll hurt her. She-I-. Your spawn too. Our spawn. Our brood. We breed. We spawn. He lightly growls as you hesitate.   Shooting a glare at him you scold, “be nice, or I leave.” His claws grab what he can, the lower half of your calves, sharp ends carefully pressed. You weren’t going to leave him. Whining he almost looks sorry. “You manipulative little shit.” Pressing your palm to the base his cock easily passes the length of your fingers. “There’s just no way-”   “Find. More. Moremoremore,” he moans and thrusts against you. The tang of need on his tongue. The chains rattle ominously. “Find. Hurt.”   “Let me just take,” you try to scoot away from him, his claws scratching lightly as he tenses. “I need to take these pants off. To help. If you want me to help--” the grip drops immediately.   Growling and snapping as you leave him he looks more like a feral creature than your beloved. Hair wild and wings stretching to his sides. She won’t leave. She should leave. God damn it, can you just control yourself? Listen to me and we can get through this. You’ll have her, fine, you’ll get to have her. My rules, her rules. You get your fucking claim can you just listen for once? The monster leans back, heels pressing into the floor.  Naked in the moonlight you straddle him, bolder than before as you hear the familiar clicking and rumbling. “I promised. I kept my promise. Now promise, no bite, no scratch, no eat.” Your elbows rest on his shoulders, pressing his hair out of his eyes to stare into him, trying desperately to reach the boy inside the beast.   He growls, burying his head in your chest. You heard her.  Tentatively you wrap your hands around him, needing both to cover his circumference. He’s already sticky with slick. Self lubricating perhaps, or from the steady stream of substance trickling from his slit. You squeeze and pump him as you rub against his scaled thigh. IN looks pleased at least, head back and eyes closed as he purrs. However your arms quickly start hurting, range of motion and girth a challenge to your muscles. Meanwhile you’re practically dripping down his thigh, quickly growing desparate.  Your scent is potent in the air, drool leaking from the sides of his lips. Delicious devour defile deep so deep want need wantwantwantwant candy dumb stupid tiny. Fragile mine mine have need mine. He grunts and whines, arms tugging again at the chains. For some reason despite the closeness, despite the fact that he could easily bite you, you aren’t afraid.  “Normally you’d prep me but,” you smile adoringly at his pleased expression, “I somehow don’t think that’ll happen huh.”   He chirps back, hips bucking enthusiastically upwards as your grip loosens.  You’re glad for the tapered tip as you position him at your entrance. It’ll still be a stretch no double but at least it wasn’t a blunt one. Baring his teeth IN growls, writhing and thrusting up into your wetness. “My speed!” You yelp as the head pops passed your entrance.  Her speed jackass go her speed! Warm, want more. Deeper need, need deep. Tiny thing is small tight warm warm tight need. He pants and groans as you slowly slip down, his hips canting and bouncing, eeking out whatever extra depth he could. Finally you settle, only able to take a little over 3/4th of him, leaving the bulbous, calloused base exposed. You bend forward and wrap your arms around his neck, rocking your hips as you get used to the burning stretch. With your ear to his neck you can better feel his pleased subvocalizations, trilling as your fingers scratch the leathery base of his wings.

  “Good boy. You’re being really good for me,” you mutter as you feel him tense and shudder. “Doing well, going my pace. Feels good. Good right?” Leaning back you grind against his lower abs, letting the coil in your stomach wind back. “Just a little more and then I gotta rest, okay?” Your walls squeeze desperately around him. Your beautiful monster. Dangerous and hungry but yours.  More need moremoremoremoremoremoremore faster go faster deep fast. He grits his teeth and yips, frustrated. His muscles flex, as his arms tug again. Grab, grab tiny. Grab fill breed fill spawn. Mate mine mineminemine. Hungry. Twisting and tugging again a link pops with a bang. Throwing you off balence, falling foward to grab him by the shoulders. Your overstimulated clit spasms, orgasm rolling painfully over you. Your scent floods his nostrils, sweet and musky and a little spicy now. Delicious. No don’t you dare don’t you dare. She’s my girlfriend don’t you dare. He tugs again, the second set of chains popping open. Our tiny. Our.  The curve of his talons perfectly fit over your shoulder as his arms wrap around you. It all happens in the blink of an eye, the chains popping, his arms gathering you between them, the force of his hips driving forward as he locks you in his embrace.  You’re screaming as he forces the rest of himself inside of you, practically roaring as you both fall forward. Hanging off of him he cradles you as he pounds brutally quickly into your cunt. There’s no art or finesse to it, only aim to drive himself as deeply as possible into your womb. Every noise he makes is strange and animalistic, rough tongue licking away at your neck as if he was preparing you for something much more sinister.  You’re moaning, maybe, or choking on air, could be screaming. The blood rushing in your ears clouds your perception of noise. Cumming again on him, drives as deep as he can go, base of his cock growing thicker and locking inside of you. Whiting out from the pressure, your body is limp and vulnerable to the monster.  Bitebitebitebitebitebitebitebite mate bitebitebite. He waits for the other man to speak. Bite? The other man has quieted or left. He bares his teeth, your neck exposed. It would be easy. He huffs, another spurt of release emptying into you, stomach distending slightly.  The monster gathers you, sitting back and draping your form over his chest as he purrs. You shiver, locked to him naked in the cool night air. Two wings wrap around you, cloaking you in what little he can provide. The man will be back in the morning light, the monster is satisfied and so are you.

I was thinking about this one and as I was writing I feel like next year I’ll do fewer prompts but just...all monsters. Like monsterfucker october for kinktober. Assign different traits to all the skz and atz members.

[taralen]

🔥HOT TAKE: Spamton was always unhinged, but the phone incident made it worse.

(A theory by an actual insane person.)

I often see people think insanity is something that just happens and that all sufferers were totally sane before. This isn't necessarily true for a lot of people who truly suffer from debilitating mental illnesses. While some mental illnesses can be largely attributed to trauma (especially PTSD), others are "sleepers" that were always kind of there but escalated over time. Some of the most severe mental illnesses stigmatized by society (psychopathy, bipolar type 1, and schizophrenia) can have genetic predispositions. Being an oddball out of all the Addisons, it's highly likely he was already "predisposed" to becoming totally unhinged, almost like a game with bad code (ex, Yandere Simulator) that is prone to crashing or glitching out due to the code being faulty in the first place.

Spamton's personality type also made him susceptible to developing problems later on in his life. He shows the classic signs of someone who falls into personality types that are ambitious yet overly critical (i.e., Personality Type A.) Being too critical of yourself and others can lead to some rabbit-hole-level reasoning that pulls your psyche deeper into your own mind, causing reality and perception to blur.

The one pulling the strings elevated him and satisfied his desire for success. When this was taken away from him, his entire self-worth and sense of being were destroyed. Spamton was never not ambitious. The fact he took such a dubious call and offer shows his desperate, unhinged nature. Maybe it wasn't severe enough yet to consider "insane," but he was impulsive and didn't think it through. Impulsivity and lack of control are more classical symptoms of someone at risk of or already suffering from a mental illness.

When he finally snaps, he gets so unfathomably unstable that people finally acknowledge him as being truly "mad." This is largely due to him expressing and experiencing all the hallmarks of mania.

Now, let me say this as someone who experiences mania firsthand. Mania is something you cannot control, and it's like falling in and out of consciousness when it's severe. People experience it differently, but it feels like being on a stimulant drug without needing to take anything. Spamton does all the following (which are associated with mania):

Talks rapidly and usually about himself.

Uncontrollable and inappropriate laughter.

Grandiosity (BIG SHOT!!!)

Impulsivity and risky behavior. (He invites someone he literally just met into his place without fearing any consequences.)

Irritability Now, take your understanding of what these are and dial it up with hyperactivity, racing thoughts, and feeling like you're half-dreaming. Congrats! You now have a better idea of what mania is.

His moments of lucidity are characterized by bouts of sadness and self-loathing. This is caused by a lull or (worse) a crash from mania. Severity depends, but it's something also uncontrollable.

What the phone incident did was make him unable to regulate himself, and so all his high-risk traits come to the centerfold. It doesn't help, either, that he was abandoned by his friends. Without social interactions, symptoms can become worse, which is why he's manic damn near 99% of the time.

This is a lot, but my hope is that it reframes how some people may interpret the character through someone who deals with mirroring issues.

💛

[stupidstrawberrystars]

hi. so. I NEED MORE OF THAT TIKTOK AU

While I am writing this for me, to try and remind myself why I love writing, I also love that other people loved it too ❤️ I promised myself i wouldn’t answer this until I finished the next bit, so I have :) So thank you 😊

Wolfstar tiktok AU- Part Two (sorry if it’s unrealistic how often they go on “lives”. The next one will likely be them accidentally creating a couples trend).

Previous (Part One). Next (Part Three).

Oh and… this is 3k words. So i’m thinking of putting it on ao3. BUT ITS GOOD. I promise. Please read it (if it’s ur thing). They flirt embarrassingly and then Remus gets Sirius a super cute birthday gift!

Half their fan base are “Wolfstar” fans now. Thank James for sharing the ship name Marlene came up with a couple years ago. Luckily, Sirius is reassured that Remus has none and will not get any social media, due to his constant slander of it. So he’ll never find out about their fans.

But their platform is pretty great, it’s a community already and there’s almost no toxic people. Which is exactly why Sirius feels comfortable with this stream on his birthday. Him and James have been trying on skirts. 

They’re on the final ones now. Pete’s in the background ranking them. James has on a kind of ugly red skirt, it passes his feet and has weird frills all over it. But Sirius likes his skirt. The most actually. It’s a pleated, green mini(ish) skirt, the type that goes perfectly with his leather jacket and boots. 

He doesn’t have a super feminine build (except maybe his long hair- it’s all dumb stereotypes though) and he’s certainly not as thin as skirts are often designed for, so he was worried they wouldn’t suit or fit him. But James offered to do this, and he’s really enjoyed it. 

And now Sirius is tempted to wear it to the mini birthday celebration Marlene’s organised for him tonight. Only there’s a slight problem, it’s a little cold outside and none of his shirts go with the skirt.

“Padfoot, you literally own everything, how do you not have anything that goes?” James cannot even say that right now, he’s wearing a football top over the skirt. Football tops can go with skirts, but definitely not that skirt.  

“They do go. But it’s so cold and Marls planned a mostly outside thing. Usually i’d sacrifice my temperature for my style but it is my birthday. Shouldn’t I just get my perfect outfit?”

Pete warned him. He said that wearing the skirt outside wasn’t the best idea in November. But it hasn’t been too cold recently. Plus, it really looks good with his boots.

“Hey how about one of Moony’s jumpers you stole? They’re thin enough to fit under the jacket, would go with the skirt and would keep you warm. Plus you love them.” Sirius feels his cheeks warm a little. Trust Pete to simultaneously contribute a good idea and embarrass him. But regardless, he goes into his room and comes back out with two jumpers.

“I’ve only got red and orange? Neither go with green. I need like a- a brown one. So never mind.”

And as Sirius contemplates his outfit, the door opens.

“Sorry i’m late I had to pop back to my place to grab your gif-“ Sirius looks over when he hears Remus trail off.

“You alright Moons?” Remus is frozen in place, staring at Sirius like a deer in headlights. From their camera placement, the phone is recording only Sirius and James, with Pete popping up in the background. So Sirius steps out of frame to go towards Remus at the door. “Hey Moony.” James yells from behind him and it seems to snap Remus out of whatever caught his attention.

“Fuck, shit, sorry. Got erm- distracted. Hey, Happy Birthday Pads! I like- hah- the skirts. They suit you both. Well. I’ve got the drinks demanded by Marls and your gifts Padfoot.” It’s not even a compliment towards him and yet Sirius blushes.

“Yeah Remus is right, you’re really pulling of that long fucking red thing there James.” The compliment was probably just Remus trying to be nice. Petes right, James has pulled of many of the skirts so far but this is not the one.

“What the compliment, thanks Wormy.”

Full disclosure, they had to admit the background story of all their nicknames to the internet, lest their fans think they’re bullying Pete.

Sirius steps back into camera, with the whole living room behind him, placing the drinks to the side and grabbing his gifts. There’s two. A small box and a bigger, less obvious-shaped gift. 

“So everyone, I haven’t seen Moony alllll day since he had class and tests without stopping and he had to revise. But, worry not, he did text me Happy Birthday between each class cause he knows I want attention. So, how’d they go Moons?”

Sirius is inspecting the bigger gift, it’s an odd shape, and vaguely squishy, perhaps clothes, and when he looks back up at Remus, he’s got a little blush on his cheeks and his neck, and Sirius (not for the first time) wonders how far down his body it runs.

“Oh we don’t- it doesn’t matter... Oh okay stop glaring at me. All three tests went okay. I was really happy with my essay one though. So yeah, not so bad.”

“Congrats Moony, knew you’d kill it. Since we’re sharing news, I got to cover for the missing chef today, above all the other interns, so...” He’s told James and Sirius already. But there’s something about telling Remus news that matters more (at least to Sirius).

“Holy shit Pete that’s awesome. I knew they loved you. Good job. Hey, let’s see the cake you made. We’re so lucky to have a cook, I swear i’d starve to death without you.” Pete smiles at Remus’ compliment like he doesn’t say the same sort of thing every time Remus eats Pete’s food. And they live together, so that’s very often. Remus is just always so genuine.

Pete lifts the lid of the cake box to show Remus, and they fall into a little conversation in the kitchen, just to the edge of the screen of their live.

“You gonna open his gift now or later Pads?”

But Sirius isn’t even listening. He’s got an idea.

“Hey Moony come over here.” Remus walks towards Sirius with a doubtful look on his face. He clearly knows the tone Sirius takes when he wants something.

Sirius places the gifts on the table beside him, he’s desperate to know what they are but it’ll have to wait. 

“So... i’ve been trying to figure out what top can go with this skirt-“ There’s a joke about Remus topping him in there someone, and that’s obviously what James is thinking, “But nothing I own goes with it. I was going to wear one of your jumpers, but the ones i’ve got here are the wrong colour.”

Remus furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head as if to ask where this is going. It’s a bit far to go to Remus’ flat to steal his jumper. That’s not the plan though.

“And then in you walked, like the answer to my dreams,” Remus attempts to lean on the mini table behind him but it pushes backwards easily and he stumbles forward, sort of recovering. “And I realised the jumper you’re wearing right now matches absolutely perfectly with my skirt and my jacket.” Sirius takes a step towards Remus, and grabs onto the jumper ever so gently with his hand, and then looks a little up at Remus with what he hopes is a cute and not at all guilty smile.

“You-“ Remus chokes on his own words as he tries to speak, “You want the one i’m wearing righ- erm- right now?”

Sirius isn’t stupid, he knows Remus gets flustered sometimes when he’s a little flirty (Remus is gay, and Sirius is fucking hot, anyone with eyes would want to fuck him, so no James, it is not proof Remus loves him back). And he knows Remus never refuses anyone cause he’s so lovely. Especially not on their birthday.

“Come on Moons. It’s my birthday. Please.” Puppy dog eyes never fail. It’s funny actually, cause when anyone else sends Remus cute eyes in order to persuade him, like James, he usually just rolls his eyes and ignores them. But it always works when it’s Sirius.

Maybe he’s just really good at it. Pete always said Sirius was a dog in another life.

“Don’t you think I should wear the skirt? Or do I not actually look good?” For the record (he’ll be accused of this later by fans) he was not guilt tripping Remus. They both know he’s going to agree. Sirius just has to jump through a few hoops so Remus can feel like he has willpower. “Pads you- you look great.” Sirius raises an eyebrow. “You look hot okay. Really hot. But what- erm- what’ll I wear if you take my top?”

That was easy. And yes, he does look hot. Good of Remus to notice (James is shooting him the look, as he always does. It means “It’s reciprocated you idiot”. But Sirius still isn’t sure. That was just a compliment after all).

Sirius wraps one hand around Remus’ arm and keeps the other one buried in his jumper, and then tugs him. Remus trips over a little but follows behind.

“I’ll find you something.”

“Wait Padfoot- I just-“

“Oh come on,” Sirius spins back to meet Remus’ eyes, “You’re the one who said I should wear the skirt. You said I look hot. Hot enough to have earnt it?”

Remus coughs and turns red, again. He blushes so easily. But he tugs Sirius into his bedroom so they can trade.

That’s for sure a win.

And while they’re in there... let’s just say James makes plenty of innuendoes. And Pete laughs his head off.

“You are going to give me the jumper back... right Pads?” Remus walks out the room in his red jumper that Sirius stole a month ago, and Sirius in Remus’ brown jumper. To be fair, it does go with the skirt perfectly.

“Really Moony? It’s my birthday.”

“Yes and usually the rule is I pick you a gift, you don’t just steal one of my belongings. Which I have by the way, two actually. and you haven’t opened either.”

“I’ll give it back eventually Moony. But don’t I just look lovely in this? Or- do you not think I look lovely?”

Sirius reaches to where he left the gifts and picks them up. It’s got a card stuck to the front of the wrapping. He’s ignoring the slight insecurity in his voice. It’s never an easy thing to dress more feminine after being raised the way he was. But he loves fashion and makeup. And he believes it’s for everyone. So he won’t let his past prevent his future. 

“You look-“ Remus grabs Sirius’ arm and turns him so they’re facing each other. It throws off Sirius’ balance a little and now he’s definitely close enough for all the fan edits to take advantage of. Plus he’s in Remus’ jumper. And it smells so much like him. He really must’ve been a dog in another life. “You look absolutely gorgeous Pads”. 

He whispers it, like it’s a secret, and yet also like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Trust Moony to recognise the slight worry in his voice and go to extra effort to reassure him.

“Th-Thanks Moons.” Sirius never used to believe books or tv when they claimed the world fell away when they locked eyes with their soulmate. Frankly he never even believed in soulmates. But if soulmates aren’t real, what the bloody hell is Remus Lupin? 

Because Sirius has never been more sure of anything in the world, than this. Than that he meets Remus in every universe and in every time and in every life and Remus ruins him. In a heartbreaking, life shattering, incredibly brilliant way. 

Because when he meets Remus’ eyes, time becomes a simple construct, a useless concept unnecessary to his thoughts. And other people become 2D, folded flat and barely visible. Sound falls away and all he can hear is Remus’ words and his gentle breathing. 

“Wanna open your gifts now Pads?” Remus’ hands are still ever so slightly on his hips, and his right hand has slipped just low enough that one of his fingers is resting on Sirius’ skin. It’s electric, and yet also calming. He’s buzzing and yet peaceful. And he still can’t look away.

Sirius is convinced he’s never once been the first one of the two to break eye contact. Because how the fuck could he ever look away from Remus’ eyes.

“Okay.” I’ll do anything you say. You don’t even have to ask. 

Sirius stares into his eyes until he looks away, as always, not breaking eye contact first.

Then he carefully takes the card of the paper and opens it with his nail the way his mother trained him to do.

It’s got a tacky 21 on the front but when Sirius opens it, it’s got quite a bit written inside. 

Dear Pads 

Happy Birthday! 

I know we don’t usually write much in these dumb cards, the gift and the day itself are the point right? But I thought maybe this time I should add something extra. 

Your 21st birthday is important Pads. And not because you can now drink legally if you ever go to America.  

Today marks 5 years since you were brave enough to leave home, sorry that’s probably not something you want me reminding you off. And yet here I am. 

You pretend like today doesn’t hurt you. But I know you. So I know it does. And that’s okay. 

You don’t listen to James or Reg when they tell you, so please listen to me, to this. You are brave Sirius. You are brave and you are sweet and you are tough. Tougher than me. And you’re so fucking smart. 

You are the most incredible person i’ve ever had the luxury of knowing. And hey, i’m not saying this out loud okay? God knows your ego’s big enough ;) So just… believe this Sirius. Believe me. Please. I’d go through anything to know you. I’d do all the dumb shit i’ve done again and again as long as I knew i’d get to keep you. 

This world is boring as shit half the time and too painful to live in the other half. And yet with you, it’s a fairytale. 

I guess you’re just magic Pads.  

So I hope you enjoy today. And the rest of your birthdays. And I hope I get the pleasure of being there for them all. 

Love, Moony ❤️

“Jesus Moony-“ Sirius chokes on a slight cry. “Fucking sappy git.” He tugs Remus’ jumper and pulls him into a hug. Remus just chuckles. 

“Open the fucking gifts Pads.” Sirius laughs.

“Damn alright Moony.” Looking back down at them, Sirius still isn’t sure what they’ll be.  

Ripping open the paper to the bigger one (James bullies him if he uses his nail to gently open it like his parents used to make him) Sirius feels its clothing. And it’s black. He takes it out to find… 

That fucking sneak. A few months ago Sirius wanted to order this old leather jacket, from a brand that went bust, but to get it he had to consistently outbid this random guy on ebay. He didn’t have the time. Remus offered to take over for him but Sirius refused, deciding (disappointed) that it wasn’t worth it.

But he must’ve done it anyway. Even when he was feeling sick. Just to win Sirius a fucking jacket he adored. 

“This is the jacket I wanted.”

“Yeah.”

“That I couldn’t get cause I had to outbid someone all day.”

“Yeah.”

“That I told you not to try and get for me cause you were sick.”

“Yeah…”

He’s blushing. Well- they’re both blushing. Sirius is blushing because Remus fucking Lupin worked so hard to get him an amazing gift, and Remus is… well he’s probably blushing out of embarrassment. He hates it when people compliment him, which technically Sirius hasn’t done yet but the intention is there. 

“Thank you.” He tries to sound as sincere as possible. He wants Remus to understand how much he appreciates him.

“Just open the other one.”

Sirius looks at the small box. He has no idea what could be in it (within reason, it’s obviously some sort of jewellery). 

He unwraps it and opens the box.

And it’s his old rings.

The ones he left behind, at his house, when he ran away. 

He’d gotten them at a one-time, random stand in London with Remus when he was 15. They were expensive but fucking good quality. He wished he’d remembered to grab them when he ran. He’d searched forever to find the people who ran the stand. And no rings since had felt the same.

“What the- Moons how the hell did you get these?” There’s silence for a moment before-

“What are they?” If he’s being totally honest, Sirius forget James was even there.

“Look-“ Sirius tips the box towards James, and he gasps, “That’s the rings you lost!” 

Sirius looks back at Remus.

“I just- you bring them up sometimes. You got most things when you left, and Reg brought some things, but your parents bragged about burning them, and I can tell it bothers you that you lost them. Not that it was at all your fault. Anyway, I had a picture, of the inside of one. I’d sent it to Lily after you bought them. And I noticed the photo had an engraving on it, I zoomed in and it was the name of this company. I checked it out, turns out it was a little family company and they still had a little ring shop in Italy. So I had my friend Grant, he’s in Italy for uni, drop by the shop and look. Turns out they did all their work as custom designs but I had some photos of the rings on your hands, so I sent them to Grant and the people there recreated them. That’s why I stole a bunch of your rings 4 months back. To photo them with a coin, for measuring. So they’ll all fit on different fingers.” 

Remus is staring at his feet the whole time as he speaks, as if Sirius is going get mad that he went to so much effort to get him the most thoughtful and lovely gift of all time. Fuck. Remus Lupin. How was Sirius ever supposed to not fall in love with him? 

“I- I don’t know what to- thank you Remus. Thank you so, so much. Fuck, you’re so amazing, and sweet-“ And there’s the blushing from the compliments, “You are so fucking lovely and kind and thoughtful.” Sirius can think of anymore words so he pulls Remus in for yet another hug. 

It lasts longer than it probably should.

“Erm- not to interrupt or anything- but we’re totally gonna be late and this is erm- is sort of still going.” Sirius turns around to James. 

“What’s still going?” James blinks and then Sirius remembers. 

“Oh the live thingy.” They’ve probably been half in shot the whole time. Remus doesn’t seem bothered, but Sirius is kinda pissed off. This is a moment for them, the internet doesn’t need to see it.

“There’s plenty of things they don’t see Pads. It’s okay. We still have our privacy.” Remus whispers in his ear. Fucking mind reader. 

“Right. Well. We’d best turn it off so I can put these rings on and go to Marlene’s. Bye.” 

Sirius shuts it off before James even gets the chance to say anything. 

He turns to the others with a smile, “Text Marlene, tell her we’re about to leave, i’m just gonna put these on.” Sirius holds up the box and runs to his room.

All the rings fit perfectly. 

Thanks for reading ✨❤️ (I hope you can’t tell I know nothing about jobs or chefs or fashion or university tests or clothes or rings) 

[softhairedhotch]

no, thank YOUUUU <3333 and it's okay HEHE remember to take it easy!!! 🫶 i can tell u for sure i will be here ready to absorb and consume n love anything that u create <3333 ive already read ur new fic Too Many Times . it struck sooo many chords like . I WOULD REALLY DO ALL THAT 😭😭 n ya fr there's too many good ideas out there to explore n there's only so much you can do at One moment. i personally have this long standing problem of starting sooo many things that i cannot finish bc i'm a master procastinator... so the only way i function is with looming deadlines ☠️ wish i was getting paid to just sit down n think about aaron bc man... i'd be a millionaire by now 🗿

TEHEEHHEE OMGGG PLEASEEE PHONE SEX . another big weakness of mine . idk how many times ive said smth is my weakness BUT like there's just some tropes that NEVER GETS OLD ... also sometimes i focus so much on aaron n how he makes you feel that i don't think about how HE would be so affected by everything about you GOSSHHHHHH please . like you're captivated by him but he's literally also soooo smitten and down bad for you to that he has to fight his urges to just give into anything that u want 😭😭 but unfortunately he can't always magically teleport to wherever you are so he just talks you through it and gives you such clear instructions BRRRR IMAGINE IF HE USES HIS WORK VOICE BC HE WANTS YOU TO LISTEN TO HIM EXACTLY STEP BY STEP . like my god i can't believe how i can giggle n kick my feet whenever cm has a scene of aaron giving instructions n delegating work to the team... like it's just so hot . n when he shows off his intelligence WOWOWWEEWW major turn on . n wooooof.

AND??!?$$;&; him sending pictures of himself 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ also i love the idea of aaron being away from u but being soo pent up that he takes the initiative to surprise you with a special video of him jerking off or using a toy <333 and u BET he knows to send it with sound so you can hear all the sounds he's making <333 bc what is nut videos without SOUND 😤😤😤

omg.. i luv daddy kinks BRRRR n sometimes it just especially HITS SO HARD . like omfg got me actively looking for those daddy asmr porn audios 😭😭😭😵‍💫😵‍💫 sometimes it takes awhile to find a good one but when i strike gold... Wow . GODDD i know aaron would say such filthy things that are downright insulting n degrading... BUT HE DOES IT IN THE SOFT AFFECTIONATE VOICE sparkled with some praises... AGRGRHRHHH .

omg REALLLL he's SOOO the type to make you say what you want directly in words. he isn't going to budge if you're just whining n hoping he'd take the hint bc he himself also loves to hear such filthy things come out of your mouth <3333 "you know daddy really loves to give you whatever you want... but not if you don't use your words. come on, does your pretty little mouth only function as daddy's cocksleeve?" HARGRHRHEHEJE i am Dead . n STOPPPP ENCOURAGING MEEEE ure gna make the can of worms EXPLODE ABOUT ALL THE FILTHY THOUGHTS ABT AARON'S CUM PLSSSS (not actually complaining ! i am Egged)

also omg... TEEHEE... i will tell u more abt my lovely male oc soon!!!! omfg im SO EXCITED . bc i literally have never talked about it to anyone even though i've thought abt it in such detail LMFAOOOO its just hard out there to find someone who shares the same brain ... damn 😭 i'm really glad i happened to stumble across ur page n decided to send an ask <333 bc i rly enjoy talking to u too!!!!! <3

-🤲

you're so sweet bless <3 hehe i'm glad you liked my new fic!! and YEAH I GETCHA omg that used to be me, like i couldn't do stuff without deadlines, AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN DO THINGS WITH DEADLINES LMAO. sometimes i can, but if i set it myself then you best believe it ain't getting done. i procrastinate sooooo much it's painful. like i could sit here and write for most of the day because rn i currently do NOTHING ELSE in my life (rip, i'm working on it lol) but do i??? no!! i mean that's just a lot of effort innit lol, writing constantly sounds exhausting even tho it's all i wanna do

phone sex my beloved <3 and awwww yeahhh he'd be sooo so so in love with you and he'd wanna do anything and everything you ask :') but GOD YEAH him using his work voice?? all stern and professional and demanding?? goddd i need that so bad. and YESSS when he shows of his intelligence it's soooo hot, like that one scene where he does the maths and penelope goes "is this reid?" and he goes "what, you impressed?" YES I AM BABE I LOVE YOU SM

i loooooove the idea of his sending pics <333 that's why i love looking at nsfw stuff sm bc sometimes i strike GOLDDDDD and its like the most aaron pic ever and it makes me lose my mind. once i found one that was so him i fully forgot to breathe and was blushing like mad (this one i think!). it was... a lot LMFAO. but god god GOD him sending a video of him jerking off when on a case??? i need that soooo so so much. and yes FR there needs to be sound in nut videos. once was sent one from a guy WITHOUT SOUND like babe? dude? what are you doing? where's the fun in that? i mean it was hot don't get me wrong but i was like "buddy wheres the sound at 🤨" LMAOOO

YESS I KNEW YOU WOULD BE INTO DADDY KINKS LMFAOOOO. and omg real, they're sometimes so good and for what. or any video of someone with daddy vibes,, godddddd sometimes it just HITS FR. YESS HIS VOICE WOULD BE SO SWEET AND GENLTE AND LOVING BUT ALSO DOMINATING AND THE STUFF THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH IS SOOOO FILTHY N HOT

yessssssss he'd looove to hear you say what you need. "come on, little one, let daddy know what you want, hm? i need to hear you say how much you want my cock" and "you want me to ride you, sweetheart? want daddy to ride you until you can't cum anymore? hm? let me hear you say those words, baby, i need to hear you say it."

and yayyy i'm so excited to hear about your oc!! i can't WAIT it's gonna be soooo good i just kNOW IT. i'm also really glad you stumbled across my page too <33 thanks for sending me all these asks!!!!

[morroodle]

Oh god oh fuck I have to make an important decision

Turns out my bed fucking broke a few days ago and I've been sleeping on its corpse ever since. The good news is that I actually already looked into new beds for other reasons, the bad news is I'm stuck between 3 options and am very bad at making decisions. So I'm gonna make people vote for it. Read on if you care.

Option 1: 6 drawers

Pros: has 6 drawers and bonus little cabinet thing that opens to underside of the bed. Tons of storage. Has 5 compartments in the headboard + the top. Could potentially put legos on top and in upper 2 compartments. Has 2 USB ports (my current phone charger does not use USB but that can be fixed)

Cons: I don't like the curve on the underside of the top shelf. Not a lot of space between mattress and start of shelves which is an issue because I like to build a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals. This could potentially render the lower compartments unusable. I could fix this if i stopped being weird but i will not. Not a fan of how the handles look but that is fixable. Would be hard to actually access the hidden door because of how I usually set up my room but not impossible and I would probably not use it for regularly needed things anyway so that's not a real con.

Option 2: big shelves

Pros: 3 big drawers, same as my current bed. I love the look so very much. Big shelves, could potentially put legos on upper shelf compartment and on top of headboard. Has a hole for all types of cords. Could plug in my noise maker :D

Cons: same problem with the distance between mattress and shelves as previous option. Only has 3 drawers and no hidden door.

Option 3: funky headboard

Pros: 3 big drawers. The weird door cabinet compartment things on the headboard deal with my pillow mountain issue while still having a good amount of storage! Could put legos on top shelf

Cons: only 3 drawers and no hidden door. Much less potential lego space. No holes for cords (not actually a massive issue/need)

If you would explain your reasons I would greatly appreciate it :3

I should note that I use the drawers under my bed as my wardrobe (my room is tiny and I don't have space for a real one) so I do need some drawer space. 3 is what I currently have and I make it work just fine but I would love 6 for better organization purposes. Also I hate trundles as I have absolutely no space to open it why are there so many beds with trundles it's annoying.

My current (dying) bed

This piece of ikea garbage. Sorry that's mean it actually served me really well for a while. Pros: drawers. Cons: has a stupid trundle that i literally cannot use there is no space in my room. Has weird walls around 3/4 sides of bed which I liked at first but I hate now that I have grown a bit taller. My feet touch the end wall sometimes and it's annoying. I often try and use the side wall as a shelf for my water but it's not actually big enough and has resulted in me soaking my bed way too many times. Also it is broken.

[quibbs126]

What am I doing?

Here I am, on a walk in the middle of the night. I don’t actually know where I am (I’ve been to this area before, I just don’t actually know what any of these buildings are) and I’m walking here, having inane scenarios play out in my head for fictional characters, scenarios that I will repeat over and over because I have nothing else to think about. While music plays to get my brain thinking about said inane things

I suppose I should probably think about the real world. But also when I do I just think about things that make my chest hurt like my actual impending problems that I need to deal with. So I suppose I do it so that I don’t have a breakdown and don’t experience the living hell I did last semester. I suppose that makes sense

Why am I typing this? I should just say it out loud. Hm, but then I wouldn’t have music playing

But maybe if I thought about the real world more I’d be able to solve my problems, actually care about my life and see that any goals aren’t just far off pipe dreams, I can actually do them and I shouldn’t stop waiting for something to happen

But also I want to stay in my cocoon of literally anything else. And besides, my only taste of the real world is here at college. I can’t leave the house at home and I can’t just do things on impulse. Also if my parents knew I just take walks in the middle of the night they’d give me a right telling off

And also I just generally feel like I have no one to talk to. In the real world I mean, I know online I have people. But that’s not really the same, is it? It’s still rooted on that fantasy world to me. But the people I talk to are people who don’t have the answers or have answers I shoot down because they don’t get it. Though I suppose it’s my own fault, I don’t think anyone has a right clue what goes on in my head. Mostly because I don’t say. Because I’m horrible at explaining things and frankly my explanations only serve to confuse people further. In spoken form at least, I cannot talk to people. So I don’t

Anyways, I want to enjoy my walk and talk instead of writing this all down. So I’m gonna put my phone down and go back to listening to music and talking to myself about inane things 

[power-chords]

I love my little brother so much and I would literally die for him but he was being such a brat this weekend. I'm grateful we have the kind of relationship where I can tell him he's being a brat and 24-48 hours later he will calm down and text or call me to be like, "Sorry for being a brat!" But he's the type of kid — yes I know he's 28 but he's my kid brother — where if one thing is going wrong in his life, everything is going wrong, and he sublimates guilt and anxiety into anger and cannot control the blast radius of his anger (wonder where he got THAT from lmao).

He is having a crisis because he just started a new job and doesn't feel emotionally prepared for an upcoming visit from our parents, and he wants to call it off and/or curtail it significantly — ENTIRELY reasonable in and of itself. But instead of just doing that, he's lashing out at them because he feels guilty about possibly disappointing them, and because instead of reading his mind they are experiencing the normal parental urge of wanting to see their kid, and now he has to set his own boundaries and be responsible for his own discomfort about doing that. So I spent an hour on the phone explaining to him why that part is a You Problem, Actually, and he needs to knock it off. It would be one thing if our parents were being hostile about it but they are both being incredibly sane and gracious. Like, "Oh, we get it, obviously we're bummed out if we don't get to see you, but we understand and we'll figure something else out for when shit calms down."

I'm trying to be sympathetic because I get stuck in my own head, too, and he's under a lot of circumstantial job stress and mental health stress. And it's important for me to remember that he has not repaired his relationship with our father the way that I have, so the prospect of dealing with any moods should they arise is A Lot. It is A Lot for him in a way that I am pretty sanguine about now, and while it's not quite water off a duck's back I am very good at removing myself from and/or deescalating the situation if it reaches a point I can't deal with. Matthew still feels terribly raw and resentful about having a Mad Dad and remains in a constant state of high alert over it. I can't say I blame him, because growing up with our father was a kind of Ashkenazi Jekyll/Hyde situation where 85% of the time you got the most generous, principled, intelligent, protective, funny, and genuinely loving guy, and then the remaining 15% there was rage and yelling and breaking stuff. That ratio is now closer to 95%/5%, thank god, because the man has enough emotional insight to recognize a problem and do therapy. But my brother mistakenly assumes that the remaining 5% or in fact any negativity at all is something he can control, or is a response to his own personal failings, rather than Dad just being kind of insane.

Also important for me to remember that because Matthew is the Younger Son and I am the Eldest Daughter we had distinct experiences of our dad growing up. He always was and can still be an intense, intimidating guy, but I was never discouraged from expressions of emotional vulnerability around him (a good thing and a bad thing, but mostly a good thing), whereas my brother frequently got the "toughen up and be a man" treatment in addition to like, having to endure the bomb going off whenever that happened.

With that said I have literally spent hours upon hours of my life in church basements with people telling stories about their asshole parents, and like, I'm sorry, but we still won lotto!!!! And my brother will absolutely attest to that when he's not actively pissed off, he's said it time and time again the same way that I have, so it's not like I'm trying to invalidate his emotional wounds or his need to attend to them in a different way. I understand why he wants to live way out in Colorado and see our folks a few times a year. But the absolute worst that we lived with is a fucking joke compared to kids who had their parents get drunk and beat the living shit out of them, or who threw them out of the house for being gay, whose love was conditional instead of total and frankly sacrificial.

If anything, and I mean ANYTHING happened to threaten my livelihood or my brother's, if god forbid some catastrophe occurred where he or I were in need of serious financial help or a place to go, they would never ever ever turn their backs on us. Ever! Under any circumstance! Without question! The reason my husband and I are not in like $16k of medical debt after Adam's lung collapsed in 2021 is because they said "absolutely FUCK THAT" and paid the whole bill without us even asking. This is but one example of so many where they have stepped up in ways that are above and beyond the call of duty, and not just for me and my brother, but for our friends and loved ones as well. Yes, Mistakes Were Made or whatever you want to call it and people fuck up and nobody's parents are perfect, but we are and always have been utterly adored by both of them and the good outweighs the bad by a mile. Miles upon miles upon miles.

[mariska]

hi queer friends in my phone i hope u have all been having an ok month so far 💖 im sorry i havent been online very much lately, its like 80% just me being forgetful except to hop on my phone app for like ten mins to browse my dash and reblog something and get distracted by another non phone related activity LOL. my bestie Eli is here still until the rest of the month and we finished our rewatch (their first watch, my like......who even knows the specific numbered rewatch) of Avatar The Last Airbender a couple days ago and that was very fun and exciting, it was wild getting to those last few episodes in the final season and just totally getting brought back to being a kid in my head when the show was actively airing on tv and i was sitting in my bedroom exploding from sheer special interest excitement watching the story wrap up on the super small box tv i used to have like 15+ years ago 😭🫡 we haven't started watching Legend Of Korra yet since we just finished ATLA and need to like. take a lil Avatar media break before jumping into another entire finished series fhdhdhsfsshhgd but excited for whenever we start that too!! Eli showed me a fav movie of theirs the other night called Thoroughbreds and i REALLY liked it, fellow toxic yuri enjoyers i truly cannot recommend that one enough those girls have Problems In Abundance and i love that for them and also me.

OH OH OH ALSO on my birthday after we got home from out of house activities we watched that Nic Cage movie 'Dream Scenario' that i've wanted to see so bad since the first trailer for it dropped online a while back, and i am truly not just being dramatic when i say i think that is my favorite movie i've seen this year and it will be Difficult for another movie to win over that 2024 Fav Spot in my mind, it was exactly what i wanted it to be and MUCH MORE LMAOO IT WAS SO GODDAMN FUNNY. very specifically Me And Eli's Kinda Stupid Sense Of Humor throughout the whole run time we were fuckin losing it at every other scene. that was a wonderful lil birthday treat.

also the antique mall we were gonna go to ended up being closed on the day of my birthday so we went to a big mall off-Cape that i like instead and have been to a few other times for past birthdays cus they actually have a bunch of different types of stores with stuff i actually enjoy unlike the more local mall we have here that is 100% dying a slow agonizing Mall Death lmao. went to Build-A-Bear and they had that one bear style in stock that literally just looks like a femme lesbian with the lesbian flag colors and perfect lil eyeliner so i made a Chappell Roan inspired pop star outfit wearing lesbian colored bear (saw someone else online do that a lil while back with the same style i chose so i couldn't resist doing it myself when i saw it was at the store hfsfgsvsgshshdg) and the ppl working there that day were all super chill and friendly and most likely around me and Eli's age or maybe a few yrs younger than us, the person who helped me make my bear specifically was really friendly and fun to talk with cus while we were in there it was pretty much just us and the employees for the majority of the time, he like immediately picked up on me being A Very Obvious Femme Lesbian on account of The Femme Lesbian Bear and also The Very Over The Top Femme Alt Outfit I Was Wearing and we chatted abt being gay and trans while he was stuffing the bear it was such a genuinely sweet and wonderful interaction, he was also autistic and we got to briefly bond over Build-A-Bear being mutual life long autistic special interests of ours and he seemed rly happy to hear that i was turning 27 that day and was still actively wanting to spend birthdays making custom stuffed animals there it was just really great all around 😭💕 also before the mall closed later on we did a quick stop at the FYE store that was there (i always get very excited when i see a still active FYE store anywhere cus it was a childhood fav place of mine to shop but our local mall closed ours when i was a teenager lol) and there was a small stand set up with some ATLA merch and i got a fully functional Momo backpack/crossbody style bag that i am so incredibly psyched about having fjdgedfdhsshfg it is very cute. and anyone who knows me knows i love adding a silly lil functional novelty bag to my collection of silly lil novelty bags. so it will be getting much use from me out in the world

anyways!!! thats pretty much what i've been up to, just figured i would hop on and write a mariska life update so everyone here knows i didnt just like. drop off the face of the earth lol

[aprillikesthings]

ONE MORE TODAY gghhhh I just want to finish out the first season

s1 ep13 The Battle of Bright Moon

Dear netflix: what the fuck. this show is only really four seasons.

it's like the opposite of what cartoon network did to Steven Universe:

TRUE STORY the actual over-arching plot/backstory of SU doesn't start until halfway through its first season, literally episodes 25 and 26, which were MEANT to be a cliffhanger and then the first episode of the second season, instead of partway through season one.

But a lot of character and world-building does happen before that. So when people aren't sure whether to attempt to watch all of SU (it's......a LOT) I tell them to watch until Lapis Lazuli shows up, because if they don't like at that point, they're not going to --but 90% of the people I know get to those episodes are are like WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???? and keep watching and meanwhile I just cackle because congrats, you're one of us now, have fun being confused!!! It only gets worse!! :)))

(Like seriously every tiny bit of the plot being pushed forward is dependent on more of the backstory/lore being revealed. So much of the plot is just dependent on huge amounts of history and trauma that we learn about at the same time as Steven.)

Also keep in mind each episode is like 11 or 12 minutes, and that's including the intro/credits. It's painfully easy to marathon SU because any single episode is short so you always think "oh just one more" and the next thing you know six hours has gone by.

OKAY back to she-ra

you cannot actually be surprised by this

also everyone's freaking out specifically at the snow/ice, and I keep wondering if Etheria has seasons at all??

She's a little grotesque!

(Gargoyles are specifically water spouts, and called that because of the gargling noise they make. Yes, really. Grotesques are the ones that are decorative. So Catra here is a grotesque, not a gargoyle. /pedantic nerdery)

oh that's just living in Oregon eyooooo

I can't get a good screenshot but Entrapta is yelling into her tape recorder and spinning around in a wheely office chair, I love how much they leaned into her being autistic, she's so happy and stimming like mad.

But also SPEAKING OF SU AGAIN I can't see her with that tape recorder and not think about Peridot ahaha

"April is that from Too Far, the episode that started your OTP" yes. yes it is.

Also I used to have a phone case meant to look like it until I ran it over on my bicycle ):

ANYWAY

plot: activating the Black Garnet runestone is sucking power from the other runestones and making the weather "go screwy."

Having Catra say "IN ENGLISH PLEASE" after every one of Entrapta's infodumps is such a great way of allowing Entrapta to make technical-jargon infodumps and then making them easier for the viewers to understand

oh that's right Entrapta doesn't have a runestone. Makes sense. Her abilities are all technical knowledge, not magic. Which means "Princess" doesn't necessarily mean "has a runestone/magical abilities."

Catra: "We're going to take out Bright Moon's runestone!"

gee, why that one, specifically, i wonder

(i do not wonder)

Bow: She-Ra can't fight off the entire Horde???

SIGH

this is just a nice contrast to the shot of Catra I got earlier

yeah but ALONE?

oh shit she hadn't told everyone Catra had been in the Crystal Castle. And Adora blames herself for Catra getting worse. because of course she does.

STAAAAAAHP

Angella: "But you're too stubborn and hotheadead...and brave, just like your father"

Me: huh I'm really starting to like Angella Me, remembering later plot events: ah right so it hurts more

that thing is pretty

awww they all have some armor now! nice

paused it here by accident, but she looks so fucking DONE, either that or kinda high, hard to say

also I made popcorn

Angella made the Moonstone do a cool sonic wave thing, nice

So this is a problem all shows of this type have: when Adora/She-Ra makes those ships blow up, there's likely Horde soldiers IN them, and does she ever think about those people? that maybe she knew them? that they were forced into being soldiers just like she was?

WAR IS BAD, KIDS

I knew she was gonna be there and I startled anyway

Catra: Y'know, I'm actually glad you made it out of there alive Adora: *moment of visible but short-lived hope*

oof

This whole fight scene is why I'm not the only fic writer to assume at least one of them has nightmares about them trying to kill each other

the temptation to re-write the specific dialogue in my fic to match this scene...

OKAY so it all happens so fast (and animated in a way that makes it clear how much it hurts but also makes it a bit less bloody) but Catra just straight-up drags her claws down She-Ra's back with her full weight behind it, and She-Ra responds by--well, screaming in pain first, but then backing up and slamming Catra into some rocks so hard they shatter, and then they both have a moment of just gasping in pain:

And lemme tell you, I have seen both of those mentioned in fics repeatedly. Mostly Catra seeing Adora's scars and feeling guilt and shame. But one fic has Catra realize she never told Adora that the smashing-on-rocks thing broke a few ribs.

owwwww more scars but on her face this time

Not gonna type up Catra's vicious little speech here, but oh MAN

ow

What is it with these two and CLIFFS

well no but you do tend to distract her (something something Light Hope something something "attachments")

not now Scorpia omg

another example of Cartoon Bondage

part of me was like "WHY does Catra look unreasonably hot in this shot" and then remembered we're literally seeing her from Adora's POV, like we see through her literal eyes as they open and focus on Catra, ahahahah

(Reminds me of a post I saw about why Blackbeard looks the way he does when he meets Stede Bonnet in Our Flag Means Death--there's that slow shot panning up to Blackbeard's face and he's framed in the most attractive way possible--because that's how Stede sees him.)

fAcE tOuChInG

ow

MERMISTAAAAA

PERFUMAAA

She-Ra finally found her healing powers!! WOOOOO

BAHAHAH okay so all the runestones are healed and get little bubbles of protection or something, but this includes the Black Garnet, and all the tech shit attached to it gets blown off, the room goes dark, and all you see:

Entrapta's goggles

ANYWAY the princesses are all back to full strength and there to fight together and woooo VICTORY

defeated by the homosexual agenda

I've hit the image limit despite deleting a few and didn't want to do another two-parter but there's a moment when everyone's like YAY WE WON WOOO and Scorpia and Catra take off in a skiff and Adora watches them go with a face that shows her mixed emotions.

(I have so many thoughts on this, like yay she saved the world (for now), but her friend she's known the longest hates her guts and refuses to be near her except to do a violence, like at least Catra's alive and clearly going to be okay, but I'm sure Adora's trying to do a whole "but we won, so it's fine, everything is fine")

Also Mermista lets Sea Hawk put an arm around her and actually says "Really good job" to him in a way that sounds genuine (given their expressions they totally boned later)

And then She-Ra gets hugged and thanked by Angella and her eyes do a "omg I'm so happy" as she turns back into Adora

And then Catra and Entrapta and Scorpia have a chat with Hordak and knowing what I know about later plot I'm laughing bc this is the first time Entrapta and Hordak interact, and Hordak is like ">:( you failed" and Entrapta's cheerfully all ":D no we didn't! I learned SO MUCH!!", she's just incapable of being afraid of Hordak here

Anyway now Catra is officially second-in-command

AAAAAND END OF SEASON ONE

which means (given the list up there) I am actually 1/4th through the show, NICE, tho I will continue to use Netflix's season numbers on the posts for clarity

[susie-dreemurr]

Arcane s2 ep 4-6 reaction

My last lines in this ate btw.

Ep4

DID CAITLYN IMMEDIATELY GETA. REBOUND HAHAHHAHAHA

While I do admit to finding the isha and jinx connection rushes it’s still so cute. Jinx herself doesn’t want to carry her legacy so Isha is doing it for her. Child endangerment lets fucking gooooo

We’re gonna be seeing more of the place Vi spent years on, huh? Bleak…

Aw fuck that’s so fucking genuine man.

VANDER OUGHHHH

Ep5

I’m not gonna lie the entire ep 4i was just like “where is vi” so I’m glad to see this one starts with boxing

Not the song 💀💀💀 also my fuckign phone cannot take these flashing lights guys I cannot see all the details bc my screen keeps going dark I’m so sad

Vi please please please hallucinate Powder Mylo Clagger and Vander please please please— JINX,?????

While I do have my problems with the writing in this it’s just so ough. Vander bringing them both together again. If only for now.

Caitlyn…. I’m…. *nick zootopia facial expression*

MEL MEL MEEEEL YOURE BERE MY BELOWVD

Haven’t been live-blogging the jinx and vi and isha interaction and everything bc I’ve been too busy trying not to cry

“How did you know to do that?” She’s just cool like that.

Literally everything is always about siblings all the time forever

o(-( violet…… Silco and Vander fulfilling their duty as parents to at east one of the kids

Lmao just when I was like “where is ekko” the fucking hextech shows up. Pls pls pls

God fucking damnit. Viktor you could have freed ekko too yknow

Ep6

I already thought Sky was there too because the hexcore absorbed her completely but damn

LETS FUCKING GOOOO THE VIKTOR CULT AND THE VIKTOR

FUCKKKKK the commune is built upon their old house….. the one we saw….

Fuck. Aw come on huyssss leave viktor’s gay ass cult alone, Vi and jinx are somewhat happy here

“The final glorious evolution” say the line Simpsons meme

Vi saw Singed and is following him out. Beat his ass vi. Nobody said anything about weapons OUTSIDE of the commune

Caitlyn is just digging herself further and further into this hole huh

… Isha’s gonna die isn’t she

I do like that any “reconciliation arc” with Vi & Caitlyn aren’t actually. Solving things between them. They have goals and things they want to protect and they’ll accomplish that but they ain’t actually making up or talking. This kinda applies to vi & jinx too

Honestly my thoughts on part 2 s2 so far is that things are going TOO well. TOO happy. And Caitlyn isn’t TOO corrupted. Either things will go wrong real fast or it won’t feel like arcane anymore

…literally right after I type that it seems like Caitlyn has realized The Implications of jinx being here w vander and vi being amicable with them. It’s jover <- excited and nervous and already regretting and oughhh

GODAMNIT JAYCE

Viktor… Oj no….. Jayce you ruined everything DIDNT you

And again, a Powder uses the arcane to save her family, to help… and it brings about the catastrophe. And again, Powder dies and leaves her family a ruin.

[may-bonne]

Assignment anon. I'm shy 👉👈 lol. Looking forward to 2nd fic!

-A nervous duck going for a handful of cheerios is the perfect way to describe that kiss lol. I also like the uncomfortable shifting and loud awkward sniff when he meets Johnnie in the diner a second time. The way he leans down super far to sip his coffee too

-The "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" is so funny. Imagining myself as the person who heard that coming through the walls and complained

-I know Frank is supposed to be tough or whatever but I wish we could've gotten a few tears while destroying the room. Not actual crying but just wet shiny eyes from the anger and distress. I mean he did suddenly wake up with tits he didn't ask for and his dick gone

-I think another good part of the accent is when he calls Johnnie and goes "Ya wanna meet for a CAWFEE?" There was serious emphasis there

-Frank is 100% not the type of guy to wear a real binder (idk maybe somebody could convince him to wear the kind that look like undershirts) but why does he have to do the sloppiest binding job known to man with that tape. Why not use ace bandages at LEAST

-He slipped into acting like he was willing to show creep assistant his rack too easily. I really needed him to seem more awkward. You know he's a shitty actor

-There should have been more scenes of people not recognizing him or generally being all ummm...

-What year is supposed to be if they're using flip phones and pay phones? It doesn't feel y2k

-I cannot blame the curly haired doc for seeming like he hated his life when he had to listen to Doc Jane ramble

that's okay anon i'm grateful for you anyway <3

since yesterday i've had 1000 more thoughts about this movie. i had to save this as a draft and switch to computer 'cause my thumbs started aching

the breast grope/fingering/darth vader NOOOO sequence is honestly the best part of the whole thing. egregious she didn't get an oscar nom but the academy snubbed girlfight too so what can you expect, really

the accent is consistently rough but there's not a single pronunciation as ridiculous as the way katarin bloodrayne says "my FAHthuh" so i'll let it go. i just commented this somewhere else but i think a director thinking mrod is a good choice for convincing accent work is a strong indicator that some other questionable choices will be made

the tape made me wince. that skin is already stretched THIN. he's gonna rip his nipples off. also i think it's kind of funny that because they were working with mrod's real breasts it looks like the doctor really exercised restraint. yeah maybe it was more conducive to her experiment to give him something realistic but if i were her i'd be giving frank fat fucking tits just for the hell of it

yes there was WILD vacillation between him being supremely awkward with johnnie and then seeming very chill about being a chick in literally every other situation. i'm glad this movie exists just because i think it proves that maybe portraying convincing sexual chemistry is just not mrod's strong suit no matter who she's playing against and it's not just a guy thing. except when she rested her forehead against johnnie's. that was cute

related: i would love to know what the fuck frank said to johnnie the first time they met considering he seemed to think "i want to take off your clothes" was a compelling offer

also related: i guess that first scene with johnnie was supposed to establish frank as some kind of suave womanizer but i CANNOT imagine he was that great at sex before. when johnnie tells him that she prefers being eaten out or whatever to just having that thing rammed into her it's going to knock his fucking socks off. i'm going to write that into the next fic actually

no idea when it comes to the year. it doesn't look like 2016. i thought maybe they were using flip phones for crime reasons but in my head it's maybe like 2009

anyway: to me the core problem with the plot is that it's not clear what the point even is of the whole revenge spree!! i understand killing honest john and jin tao but what the fuck did earl and joe and vladimir and the nicaraguans whose names i can't remember have to do with anything? they had no part in actually getting frank to the doctor. and frank can't have been that opposed to dogfighting or pimping or whatever because he was working for those guys! killing them just to get back at honest john barely makes any sense either because it's not like we saw them all having a family dinner or something. when frank finally confronted him, john didn't seem cut up at all! if the plan was to cripple him financially or intimidate him i don't think it achieved shit because she straight-up killed him like a week later and also i can't imagine that the result of just murdering the top brass was that all the girls and dogs got to go free. i'm not saying she can't just be acting irrationally but that's not how a movie is supposed to work. we're supposed to have some reason to care

(as a side note i feel like that syndicate should have consolidated its operations. i'm imagining one of those problems where you have a prostitute, a machine gun, and a pitbull on one side of a river and you can only fit two of them in your boat or whatever. and what the fuck even was that "dry goods store." why were we suddenly in a spaghetti western?? i guess i find it vaguely plausible that they have those in san francisco but in that case it couldn't just operate as a front. he would actually have to be selling organic granola and shit)

okay i know you didn't ask, but here's how i would fix all of that. first, at the start, frank should ONLY be trying to kill honest john and the doctor. second, i think johnnie actually should be an ex-prostitute! i'm not saying it would be the greatest most realistic portrayal of sex trafficking, but i think it would make a lot of narrative sense. she can still be a nurse; frank just has to find out that in the past, she was pimped out by one of the guys under earl. then we would get to see frank realize that he's not honest john's only victim AND he would have an actual reason to start with earl! and then once he kills earl he can think critically and come to the conclusion that every arm of this gang is hurting people and THEN he can decide to pick off the leaders one-by-one. obviously he would understand that in the abstract because he's not a moron, but if johnnie's the first person he's ever really cared about (which is what i think they're trying to imply with the ward-of-the-state thing), it would make it tangible for him. right now i think the dog is kind of clumsily serving that function, but by the time frank gets the dog he's already killed four people. also for ~parallels~ he could "rescue" johnnie from earl (symbolically, through love and sexual healing or whatever), a gun from the nicaraguans, and pancho from vladimir. then he could use that gun to commit all subsequent murders, get his revenge as originally planned on honest john and the doctor, ride off into the sunset with johnnie and the dog, and in that way build a new life from the results of all this killing. then it would feel like it was all building to something. i'm not a scriptwriter or anything but i think that would be a much better movie

(also being a sex trafficking victim would help explain why johnnie needed money so desperately. san francisco is expensive but i'm not convinced that nurses living in studio apartments must resort to crime)

and i would just cut joe entirely. i don't know why the fuck joe is even there. i would also shorten the doctor's monologues by at least a hundred percent and replace that lost time with scenes of frank and johnnie in bed together

christ that was a lot. anyway send me any thoughts you have about this dumb movie anytime <3 <3

[missusdiary]

Feeling like a broken record

sep 5th. 2024

i was gonna wait to talk about this but i feel like tonight is as good as any.

i started talking to this guy almost 2 weeks ago, and i don’t have any bad things to say about him (shocker).

he’s honestly the nicest, most emotionally mature male human i have ever spoken to. he’s so sweet and affirming and it’s so easy to talk to him and feel comfortable in his presence, i’ve never actually felt that way about someone i’ve only just met.

he somehow reads me very easily…like to the T. which is creepy.

he says he feels the same, and we do have many similarities that are honestly eerie because i don’t feel like the things we have in common are…common. objectively.

we met last week and had a good time that exceeded my (very low) expectations. we did a few physical things and talked about some trauma briefly, and it was very wholesome as well as hot as well as comfortable.

i have seen him again once and i was super nervous because of embarrassment, but we talk on the phone often and i realized that talking to him is the highlight of my day, which is not good at all! :D

he recently got out of a serious relationship like 2 months ago. i believe him when he says he is over his ex (with my past experiences i think i can tell when someone really is over their ex or not) and he says he learned a lot about himself and is currently doing so.

he doesn’t seem very insecure about the mundane things most people are and he’s very understanding when it comes to other people.

HOWEVER

he says he isn’t ready for a relationship and we spoke about the nature of our “friendship” and decided a fwb type of situation would be best. i asked him if he wanted to do exclusive fwb or messing w other people fwb and he said he would like to wait a bit before coming to a decision. totally understandable!

my problem is me :3

i believe that, spiritually, i am ready for a relationship. but physically, emotionally, financially? hell nah. but i’m afraid that i will get to attached to this man -who probably doesn’t even actually like me that much- because of how comforting i find his presence.

one thing about me is i lack comfort. i have depression, adhd, some other things that are undiagnosed and i share these similarities with every single person i’m surrounded by. i have no support systems which is why i am so desperate for that comfort. physically i cannot take medication to manage my symptoms, so i kinda just float through this numb limbo so i don’t become manic like i was a few years ago.

i let it slip one day that talking to him was the highlight of my day and he said “that’s not good.”

i immediately agreed with him. i know for a fact that i’m not ready for serious commitment -because i have pre existing commitment issues- and i hate jumping into new things because i’m excited only to realize i was actually never ready to begin with.

idk how to even fix this problem because i know the problem is there. i know how to not act on those impulses, but? the problem never goes away??

i have never been someone who likes to be dependent on others, especially when i know that the feeling is not mutual. and the feeling i get when i wait for him to text me or call me pisses me off so much.

like he literally just texted me and my heart skipped a beat. PATHETIC! i’m actually disgusted with myself because i hate when i act like this over people, and it’s literally only been 2 weeks.

on one hand, i’m glad that i met him and that i get to experience his personality, especially after literally praying for someone exactly like him.

but that’s my other problem.

i prayed for someone EXACTLY like him and here he is, in reach but also out of reach. i see so much potential for the two of us but at the same time there are boundaries within myself, and that he has laid that i can’t cross.

i’m sad that it feels so muddled and confusing and i just want things to be simple for once. like why does it always have to be this way? i don’t understand.

[randomsebs]

You really are one of the worst humans alive. Imagine trying to sell your hate for an actress (bc she fucks your celeb crush) as some sort of morally driven public service. Nobody needs this. Nobody cares about the past dirty laundry of some B list actress, except for jealous fangirls like you who are looking for ammunition. Nobody needs you like this. You are useless, a burden, with what you are doing. You could use the time and effort that you put into this into helping your local community instead (and don't lie "I AlReAdY dO ThAT", we all know people like you don't gaf), or learn a new useful skill, literally ANYTHING that'd be a net positive for society or even just for yourself, instead you do this. Delete this blog, ask yourself what is mentally wrong with you that you feel and think the way you do, go get help and actually live a life worth a damn.

The fact you all still defend Annabelle, so fucking funny.

You all are sick Zionists who have found their personal idol.

What the FUCK?! What brainwashing did she put you all through? You all are suck-asses. Sick.

The terrible things this woman has done: racism, fat phobia, lying to her fans, supporting her deluded fans to dox her “boyfriend”, supporting Israel (and lying by saying she supports Palestine, you cannot like both sides. That leaves you in the wrong, I’ll get into it later.), posting photos of random people (she doesn’t know) without their consent, and is rumored to be mean towards her fans in real life (speaking from RESEARCH), etc.

About the Palestine issue:

All of Seb’s fans (as I know of) support Palestine. The specific fan pages I am talking about are Soorwellystan and Wintersbucky, they claim they support Palestine yet don’t do shit after she posted about how the Israel people were also being attacked too. Like no shit they’re both being attacked, it’s war. And it’s sad. I support and stand by Palestine, whilst she all of a sudden supports both?

You guys go back and forth like with a man with a fly swatter.

She could commit any crime and you’d all take it and say: “She’s just letting her anger out from all these problems she has going on!”

Wow. Who knew?

You all cower at her feet like a bald chihuahua.

You’d kiss the ground she walks on just to get noticed by Sebastian.

You guys seriously hate him this much, that you hate all his GOOD exes (that did nothing wrong - except for ale), and all of a sudden worship Annabelle like some type of mythical being.

When his next girlfriend comes you all are going to scream and scream, hate and hate, until he breaks up with that girlfriend. You guys all know he isn’t happy with Annabelle, you all know it, you only like it because he’s very visibly miserable!!!

(80% of the time on his phone or having a forced smile for pap)

This man made multiple comments on how New York changed his life, made him the man he is, how he adores it, and how he could never dream of leaving it. All of a sudden, in the most toxic relationship I’ve EVER seen, he supposedly moved there? No he didn’t.

He is still in NYC he’s just busy currently, currently on jobs, interviews, conferences, Q&A’s, and photoshoots.

In 2020 he switched to the agency: CAA (who is known for making their clients/actors/celebs in the business do PR relationships)

Ale was supposed PR he seemed way happier with her then with Annabelle, body language. It’s all about vibes and body language, not to mention the photos that give his miserable emotions away.

You either are all hired, all just want him to yourself, hate him, or you’re just a brainwashed sheep.

You guys barely do ANY research on it before starting an argument about her so called “innocence”. Talking to you guys seriously melts my brain, I have no clue on what you guys are talking about.

At this point it’s always the same excuse:

“You’re just jealous”, “you’re crazy”, “you need help”, etc.

Here’s my answers to these.

1. I’m taken and in a very healthy, happy relationship. I love my partner and I do not plan to ruin it for a dream that will NEVER happen because he’s a celebrity.

2. I’m not crazy or schizophrenic. My father has BPD and schizophrenia, so thanks for reminding me of that. I got evaluated because I DO have issues going on (as everyone does, and I’m a human being with emotions) and the mental disorder i do have isn’t schizophrenia/psychosis/ASPD. Plus I’m a well-educated person. I don’t speak up about things unless I’m positive about it.

3. I think we got it wrong here. YOU GUYS need help, sending me death threats, insulting me for giving PROOF, other threats, fat shaming me (when you guys have no idea what I look like?), calling me ugly (again, you guys don’t know what I look like), and calling me a narcissistic/schizophrenic weirdo. You all have the proof in front of your face, you all ignore it and take your anger out on us (fellow exposing accounts), because it makes you have some sort of closure.

Anyways…

The photos that we have of them together, Sebastian looked tensed and like he smelt something rotten. I’ve never seen this man act this way before towards any of his girlfriends.

You all hated Margo, Ellie, Leighton, Jennifer, Dianna, and even ale (but ale was also a bad person either way) because he shown adoration for them. You all wish that was you.

You all claim that we’re jealous but in fact we’re not, we’re not kissing Annabelle’s ass to get some kind of “recognition” and “thank you” from Sebastian. It’s desperate and pathetic!! I’ve never seen anything more cringe. You guys are the type of people to be insulted by Annabelle and say: “It was such an honor to be insulted by her”, while tears stream down your faces in happiness.

You guys are the types of people to say: “he won’t ever fuck you” to an exposing account and then open twitter to read thirst tweets about him, read Y/N x Sebastian Stan ao3/wattpad, not to mention the LOADS of thirst edits.

You all claim you support Palestine, yet when Annabelle posted that post for Israel, you ignore it and dare to keep your Palestine flags in your bio?! You stick up for this woman, who is VERY problematic with 10000. POUNDS. OF. PROOF. POINTING OUT SHES HATEFUL (racist, rude, fat phobic, alcoholic, narcissistic, egomaniac, liar, two-faced, Zionist, etc) AND A LIAR, AND CLAIM YOU SUPPORT PALESTINE ?!

You all need to get your ducks in a row and understand what this woman does is on purpose, she made the decision to do this shit, she wants fame, she wants attention. She’s an attention seeking, leech, of a whore. She grew up privileged, she grew up in the business, she knows how to get attention and fame and she knows WHERE to get it from.

The fact she acts like a spoiled, whiny, un-disciplined 13 year old says it all. She’s served shit to you shippers on a platter, you guys would dare to eat that shit. Literally.

It’s so annoying to see you suck up to her as if she’s some type of Greek God. You guys would hold her 100 inch dress up for her if it dragged on the floor. She could bat an eye at you all and you’d scream because she’s the “girlfriend” of Sebastian.

But we all know why you do it. You all do it to be a suck ass.. you all do it for brownie points with Seb. It’s not happening. He doesn’t give 2 shits about her, let alone the attention she’s getting from all of you zombies. You don’t care about her, you guys just like her because he’s visibly miserable with her. You all like that because when he was with Margo, he was visibly obsessed with her, posting her (and captioning it the sweetest things), caught kissing, his eyes would sparkle looking at her, his smile would reach his eyes (and scrunch his nose) with her, and etc.

The fact that she could do/say anything… and you’d all adore her because she’s Sebastian’s girlfriend, it’s disgusting. You all like him with this rude, hateful, and problematic girl because you all know she’s the polar opposite of everything this man stands against. We all know he’s unhappy but the fact I have to personally come out about here like this and point out the flaws of this - forced relationship - out to you guys, is truly funny. You all know what you’re doing, you all are just too excited.

I hope he has a secret girlfriend behind the scenes and I HOPE some people expose that (if it is true).

This is how some of you seriously act:

[audioandart]

The New Comment Section Sucks

Or at least, it appears to be new, I got it a couple days ago (read, just a little over a week ago). It could be I just got it late 🤷‍♀️

I've sat with it. I've tried to see if it has merit. Any pros. I don't usually like change so I tried to be conscious of that and not let that cloud my judgement. I tried looking at Tumblr on multiple devices to see if perhaps any issues was my phone (it wasn't.)

The new comment section does not work. I haven't seen anyone else say this so honestly who knows, maybe it's just something with my account, but in case this is an actual problem and maybe there's someone else out there who's noticed it doesn't work and feels like they're losing their mind because they don't see anyone else talking about it, here's this post.

I'll start with the only pro I've noticed. The fact that you can immediately see which comments are in reply to other comments. Great! Something I've bemoaned in the past was the difficulty to find the start of comment chains. It wasn't too difficult or upsetting for me but it could definitely be a chore. It is pretty nice to immediately be able to see what is from where.

The cons. Oh dear. I'll go in least bad to absolute worst imo

The replies are not seen automatically in some chains. I'm not sure why some chains they are automatically visible and in some they aren't but I don't think it's good? One of the ways people communicate here is jumping into a conversation they see in the replies, but they don't do that if the effort to see the reply is too high. In many situations it's too high to press the small button (that I doubt people with vision issues of any sort can see) that also for some reason some times breaks the comment section and launches you back to the top. Most of this is a nitpick but the broken button and its size is a problem.

The new background. I don't have vision problems but I can't see, I cannot imagine it being good for anyone who does have them. The greyish blueish color behind black text is NOT helpful. Idk, I do know there are some people who this would actually be good for, but I think it's very important to at least maybe have to option to have the normal black and white, because some people need that to see. (Including me, please bring it back.) Honestly, the comments have just been made endlessly less accessible. I genuinely have to reread things multiple times because I cannot retain what I'm reading. Long story, but yes the background color affects what my brain retains. Iirc it affects everyone's brains but I digress.

When typing, the comment box (where you type) no longer stays at the part you're typing, but at the very top. You can no longer see what you're typing past a point. I'm also not sure this is or isn't my device, but I checked this on multiple and it still happened so I'm leaning towards the site. This started gradually before the change.

I cannot find my comments. This also started gradually before the change, and is why I thought my account was broken, but I was since informed by multiple people that my comments are genuinely just disappearing. Deleted it would seem, however it hasn't been staff. Small simple things like a little compliment on art. Literally just a "good job!" gone from the site. (And just in case someone thinks it might be the op deleting something on their post, about half of the people who informed me my comment was gone was the op. They were trying to respond to the comment I left for them and found it was no longer there, so it isn't them.) And it happens days and even months after the comment was posted, as well as completely randomly. However, some comments I've posted aren't deleted, because I'm receiving replies to them. They just aren't visible to me (and ONLY me) anymore. I also assumed this could have been my Internet, but I've tested that multiple times as well and found it is still just Tumblr. I've literally been in the middle of a comment convo when the person trying to respond to me will have to ask what I said because my comment(s) are suddenly gone. And I usually can't remember! This is usually at least a week or two after I posted it. This is not good. I also only was able to respond because comments weren't linked, and now that they are I won't be able to respond to the people asking about my comments because if I can't find the start, I can't find the replies.

Replies are also gone. This is the worst offender. Every single reply someone has left on any of my comments are GONE. I receive notifications on them, and not only are MY comments straight up gone, COMPLETELY, because for some reason all of a sudden, after this change ALL my comments no longer exist, but any reply left on my comments I can see don't exist. To everyone who's tried to reply to my comments recently and I haven't gotten back to you, this is why. I'm being super serious. I've received probably about 10 replies since the change. I know, I'm so popular. I haven't been able to find a single one. And from the little notifications I got, these seem to be pretty important replies! I would very much like to reply! But I can't! It's not just aggravating, or frustrating, but also very concerning. Someone out there, anyone, have any of you had this happen or is this one really just me? Etc etc if anyone has had this happen please feel free to reach out to me, I would appreciate the examples for if I bring this up again, thank you very much.

Basically, @staff, I say this out of frustration but also concern. While it's nice to have the comment sections just that tiny bit neater and slightly more intuitive in the sense that you immediately know what is in response to what, this feels very much like a monkeys paw situation. The rest of the comment section has broken. Almost in it's entirety... Please, PLEASE for the love of god fix this. I'm hoping that if anyone comments on this post, something about it being my post will let my actually see the damn things, but I don't know. We'll see!

And to everyone who's NOT staff, please if you have examples I would love to hear them. If I'm not responding to your comments below, send me a dm because I probably can't see them. I'm serious about appreciating any stories because it would help greatly to know it's not just me... 😅