#i also know my casual gender joking could be uncomfortable

[conceptofjoy]

how do u imagine the Dynamic between dave and davepeta postgame. ik ur more of a dsprite fan than dp but i think it could/would be Very fascinating. plays a role in cracking daves eggy loking thign

i love both very dearly :) i draw dsprite a lot more partly bc of the self imposed sprite rules i made for my pc au. seb’s an exception, lets just say some kind of splinter bullshit happened lol.

pre retcon dave had that convo w jade abt ds. the way he talked abt him’s can be easily summarized by saing “hes me when it’s beneficial and not me when it makes me uncomfortable/ makes me need to confront some things.”

he’d totally just compartmentalize any interactions in that way lmfao. oh so youre a catbird sprite thing? alright im an ally do your thing bro i mean they. nepeta’s side of things wants to just PRY him open and the dave side’s like this is going to be so much fun. dps wants to fuck with him SOOO badly but also doesnt want him to run away from the egg crackification process. dave keeps avoiding dps not so casually but jade keeps looking at him disappointedly so they have to hang out. jade knows that theyre pulling something’s so tells dps to ease up on dave but thats literally an impossible ask.

dps explains some stuff about the gender thing bc dave is only casually interested. totally.

DAVE: so like a boy and a girl came together to make a nonbinary person?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B//< ummm

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< something like that!

DAVE: i dunno it seems pretty clear cut

DAVE: oh shit unless the bird also had some kinda bird gender and shook things up

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: >B33< yeah i had to do all kinds of gender maths as soon as i came into existence

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< did you know bird gender and cat gender cancel each other out?

DAVE: no shit?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< no that was a joke dump ass!

DAVE: i knew that

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< sure

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< well i dont think the bird had anything to do with the gender maths. or the sword

DAVE: sword gender…

DAVE: wait wasnt the bird a mama bird?

DAVE: seemed pretty intent on keeping our game egg to herself remember?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B00< ohhh yeah

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< my bad

DAVE: you remember being a bird???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< no comment

DAVE: oh shit thats not very dave of you

DAVE: any dave i know would jump right into a whole spiel about how tough life is as a single bird mom

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: >B33< well dave thats because… im not you!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< we went over this before! lets go back to the gender thing

DAVE: yeah yeah

DAVE: ok gender

DAVE: so a human boy a troll girl a bird mom and a sword walk into two kernel sprites

DAVE: wait shit do the kernel sprite have genders too?

DAVE: kernel gend-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: XOO< holy shit i think i get what equius went through

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< do you see what youre doing to me dave? youre making me sympathize with a sweaty and incredibly silly 13 year old troll boy

DAVE: haha youre funny as shit

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< thank you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< yeah while the other components probably added some other gender stuff

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< it was mostly dave and nepeta’s gender that influenced mine

DAVE: yeah alright

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< like nepeta for example

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< grew up away from society and barely had to deal with the caste system

DAVE: sure

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< theres specifc roles assigned to each gender and caste but nepeta just didnt get the memo

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< despite the friend group being a pretty non hemoist

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B??< hemoist?

DAVE: sure hemoist

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< well despite the group being all “who gives a crap about your blood color and gender”

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< nepeta still felt like there was just something no one decided to tell him that dictated every interaction he had with everyone else

DAVE: yeah i totally get tha-

DAVE: wait “him”?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< …

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘833< what?

DAVE: wait was nepeta a boy???

DAVE: oh shit how did no one ever correct me this whole time-

DAVE: no wait pause

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘B33< paws

DAVE: paws

DAVE: no stop that

DAVE: if nepeta’s a boy and im a boy…

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘B33< …

DAVE: were you lying about the bird gender thing or???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< yes dave. i really am part boy gender and part bird mom gender

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< *SIGH* i think thats enough for today. i tried my best

DAVE: huh?

[seungsuki]

be a flower - your friend's own creative way of motivating you (gn! reader)

warning: mentions words like beautiful (to which i don't associate any gender but i thought i should add it ^^

note: i kinda gave up at the end cause i'm exhausted from my classes

“be a flower”

a simple line with hidden meanings ready to be discovered. perhaps itadori yuji was asking you to be yourself? to show your most beautiful side that you could be proud of? for now you didn’t understand why he would utter such a thing with a casual smile 

“wait a minute”,  you blurted out, stopping the boy before he could leave.

“what do you mean by that?” 

you looked at him with confusion written all over your face. for all you know, that exact line could have a completely different meaning. was he trying to pull a joke? you just had to know. you weren’t going to let him leave until he explained himself.

“oh well i mean that you’re beautiful the way you are! like a flower, you don’t need a fancy pot to flaunt your perfectness”, yuji elaborated with a soft chuckle, his warm gaze meeting yours.

you felt like an idiot. of course, yuji being a good friend, notice you were down in the dumps for many days. at first he tried to find the cause but he didn’t want to appear noisy. he also didn’t have the luxury to ask you directly, fearing he’d offend you or push you away. so he resorted to comfort you through words, hoping to uplift your spirits in a way that felt natural and genuine.

“you shouldn’t hide your pretty smile [name]!”, yuji added 

“yuji… you shouldn’t say stuff like that”, you facepalmed 

your cheeks burn bright red as you hang your head down, feeling embarrassment. while you appreciated the gesture, you never expected your own friend to be so open. he was only trying to cheer you up yet your brain decided to take it the wrong way. twisting his words, your mind settled with a new image, making your heart flutter

your heart only spoke the truth. you always had a crush on yuji. on the first day of school, he was introduced as the new student for the first year batch. from there on, he stole your heart with no effort spared. why wouldn't he? he was a gentleman who always put himself over others, a rare trait not many possess.  

his bright personality was something that drew you closer to him, yearning to understand him more. even if the world was against him, he’d never change his perspective. that was something you admired, a strong will you hope to copy. it was resilience that made him seem almost invincible.

“you should realise how wonderful you are! learn to love and take care of yourself more”, yuji voiced 

his eyes never left you for a minute, taking the time to admire every feature craved on you. he would never judge you, he almost was like a comfort spot. someone you could seek for help and a shoulder to rely on. he needed to believe in yourself as much as he did 

“if you need someone, i'm right here!”, a big smile followed yuji’s genuine tone 

“stop saying that… my heart can’t take it”, you muttered looking away 

“are you sick [name]? we should take you to a doctor!”, yuji panicked seeing you red face 

before you could protest, he quickly reached for you, placing his hand on your forehead. that alone sent sparks to your stomach, you could feel your body shudder from the sudden skin contact. his hands were rough yet they carried a strange comfort, like a reassuring presence you didn’t know you needed.

“i’m fine! i don’t need a doctor”, you brushed off his hand and waved him off 

yuji suddenly frowned, a look of concern crossing his face. he misunderstood your actions, thinking he had made you uncomfortable with his sudden move. he quickly apologised, stepping back in hopes that you could forgive his silly actions  

you understood his intentions, pure and simply worrisome. how you wished you could just shove him in your pocket and take him home, to keep this sweet boy close to you forever. how could you be mad at someone like him

“i’m not mad at you yuji”, you sighed reaching out to grab his hand 

yuji widens his eyes in shock, never expecting this in front of you. he never dared to retract his hand back but instead chose to give your hand a small squeeze. a silent message, a signal of reassurance 

“let’s go back stupid”

the both of you began walking back to the dorms, hand in hand. you could feel all your burdens being pulled off your shoulders. you took his words and engraved them into your heart, with yuji beside you, how could you not trust yourself?

© seungsuki 2024-25 -- do not repost, translate, alter, etc on any platform without permission. Any characters used in my work do not belong to me, they are created by their original creator.

[lenaperseveranceoxton]

Listen, I know I said in this post from June 15th that Emily is perfect as a civilian, and I was vindicated when the Invasion story missions dropped and showed that Emily is holed up in some bunker in King's Row with omnics and bigots alike.

but Blizzard, PLEASE, I need more Emily content. I am starving. She deserves to be given a canon voice like Iggy in the Underworld mission. She deserves to have a canon last name. She deserves the world.

It's so infuriating that the Lena and Emily spray even gets censored in Play of the Games and highlights. I mean, I get why (and you can ask the winners of the 2023 Overwatch World Cup if you don't) but damn it!

I am SO sick and tired of seeing people ship Lena with men, whether it be self-ships, generic nude models in Blender, or male playable characters. (If you fall into one of those categories, please let me know so I can block your disgusting ass.)

I need the cishets to know- to have it absolutely drilled into their skulls- that Lena is dating Emily Overwatch. Give me a voice line about her in the Hero Gallery. Give me a weapon charm version of the Lena and Emily spray, or at least a weapon charm of an orange heart that says "Emily" in the center. Give me a victory pose where Lena is bridal-carrying Emily. Anything.

Also, this is going to sound very weird, but the "Caught you staring!" voice line still makes me uncomfortable every time I hear it in game. I get that Lena is a playful person, but did we learn nothing from the Over the Shoulder controversy in 2016? (Even the current Over the Shoulder victory pose makes me uncomfortable. It's one of the few victory poses I don't have favorited in the Hero Gallery. Why would Lena be striking a pose from a WW2 pinup poster?) I remember hearing complaints that it's unfair that Lifeweaver, Baptiste, and Mauga get to flirt with each other while our lesbian characters don't get to flirt with women, but Lena is in a loving relationship. I think she should be able to express an aesthetic attraction towards female characters (like Sombra saying "You're cuter up close" to any gender like the bisexual icon she is when getting a melee kill), but she should not be alluding to her butt whenever you use all three Blinks. The internet is so quick to objectify Overwatch characters, and it's disappointing to see Blizzard fueling those flames.

Rant aside, I also want to point out that Lena tells Emily to let the omnics in the bunker know about Null Sector.

I remember joking in a Discord server with friends who don't go here but know Lena "Tracer" Oxton is my lifeblood about the idea of Lena having paparazzi that write articles such as "The Rumour Come Out: Does Tracer from Overwatch is Gay?" after seeing them casually plan to meet Emily at the pub in London Calling Issue 1. Does everyone in the bunker just know Emily is Lena's girlfriend? Either way, I love to imagine the conversation that would ensue.

"So, omnics, I've gathered you here today to discuss some important matters. As you may or may not know, Tracer from Overwatch is my girlfriend, and uh... A majority of the omnic population in Toronto has been abducted and possibly even had their minds wiped. Overwatch was late, so they couldn't do anything about it. Sure, Null Sector could very well be breaking into this bunker in no time at all, but Overwatch is prepared now! We're going to be okay... I think."

I'll finish this off by saying that, if she can't come to Watchpoint: Gibraltar, Emily should at least be added to the Miscellaneous section of the Intel Database.

Thank you for listening to my TEDTalk.

[iamfuckingsorry]

So I know the fandom loves seeing young Kim as a punk, with leather jackets and combat boots and a million pins and patches and in general fairly anti-establishment and also somewhat openly gay at least within the community

And I'm not gonna lie I love it too

But there's also this idea that I can't get out of my mind, and it's Kim in what is called "epa-kultur" over here. 15 year old kids too young to have a driver's license or a car, but one of the friends in the group has six older siblings and managed to get one of those cars that are only supposed to go up to 40 kmph that you can drive with a moped license, but that can definitely go up to like 150 if you flip the right switches. It's 30 years old and absolutely shit but you all love it anyway. You drive around, a shitty speaker in the back playing terrible electronic music too loud to really hold a proper conversation while inside, nine kids packed like sardines sitting on each other's laps (one of the backseats is taken up by a speaker), ending up in an unused parking lot to get drunk on 3% beer. The car's broken half of the time but that just means you play bad music and get drunk on cheap beer while trying to fix it with random parts you got from a friend of a friend of a friend, always fucking up in some way no matter how hard you try so the car will inevitably break down again within a week. Until you eventually really do get fairly good at fixing it, and then you just end up checking all the bolts and connections all the time instead. And like it's definitely a small town/rural thing over here. It definitely would not be a thing in Revachol, and especially not in the part of Revachol Kim grew up in, where you're happy to have a roof over your head and food to eat and you're probably reasonably rich compared to your neighbours if your family has a car. And while it's very different nowadays especially with younger kids you could still get a lot of the ideas common in more conservative areas, about gender roles and queer people and whatnot.

And I just love the idea of 15-year-old Kim with a group of other kids like this, feeling a tiny little bit like he finally belongs somewhere for the first time, trying to figure out a way to get some money for a car part for his friend's car, drinking even though he doesn't really want to because that's what you're supposed to, casually making sexist jokes that make him strangely uncomfortable even though he doesn't really understand why, fully convinced the only reason he tries to find any excuse to spend time with this one guy that is so impressive and knows so much about cars is because it's the first time he's found a good friend, because why else would you feel this way about a guy

and then after a couple of years maybe he does bring up possibly feeling a certain way about men when he's a bit drunk and he immediately gets made fun of, and when he doesn't react fast enough and say that obviously he was kidding, eww that would be so gross, he gets called a hundred different slurs without hesitation, not just homophobic ones but racial ones too, and he realizes once again that there really isn't a single place in this world where someone like him could truly belong, no matter how it might feel in the moment.

(and then maybe he does get a leather jacket and some patches a few years after that lol)

[justalilpearlie]

!! Intro !! (updated)

Hello everyone, my name is PearlescentMoon

Hihi! I'm Pearl! Magic is quite a fine name aswell. Although I'm a man of many names ;)

I am a minor, my gender labels are gendervoid verinix, tho I also ID as bigender and ftm (fem presenting tho! not transmasc, just trans man)! I'm queer, leaning on mlm, tho I also like girls here and there.

I go by He/Xe. I can She/Her myself + close friends/mutuals are allowed, but refrain from doing so without explicit permision please. (I also use neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)

I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.

I'm autistic and I have ADHD aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)

- -🌄-📀-🌙- -💚- -💛- -✨-🌄-✨- -💛- -💚- -🌙-📀-🌄- -

I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), c!Magic(outsmp+psmp), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)

I like to stream, roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are the Outsiders SMP, The Hatchetfield Musicals, Life Series and Empires 1.

I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any mediamates!! Specially from Outsiders <3

Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!

- -💥-🐺-🌙- -❤️- -💛- -✨-💥-✨- -💛- -❤️- -🌙-🐺-💥- -

DNI prefferably:

- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)

- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.

- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.

- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much

CCs I'd rather if you didn't interact, but if you shall do so anyways, do so at your own risk, you've been warned. /lh

- -🪸-🐸-🌙- -💙- -🩵- -✨-🪸-✨- -🩵- -💙- -🌙-🐸-🪸- -

"Disclaimer"

- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref

- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp outsiders/life series/empires/fnaf u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.

- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.

- -🌸-⛰️-🌙- -💚- -💙- -✨-🌸-✨- -💙- -💚- -🌙-⛰️-🌸- -

Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)

Family! <3 🌼 @pehpurr* SISTER!! YOU'RE AMAZING, DAISY. SO SO GREAT. YOUR ART IS INCREDIBLE, YOU ARE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DO, YOU ARE SO VERY CARING FOR OTHERS, SO KIND AND TALENTED, A GREAT WRITER AND THE BEST BEST SISTER I COULD EVER ASK FOR!! Scar, you changed my life, you were there for me when I needed you the most, I know you ALWAYS have my back. You're kind to me even when the world isn't, and know that even if we fight or if you do things I disagree with (ehem forgiving too much ppl /lht), I will never leave you, and I will never stop coming after you. I love you, Kanna. You're the best Peeps, keep it up, for you're a beacon of hope in everyone's lives. I'm so proud. ♡ ⚙️ @gentlexmadman DAD!! I FREAKING LOVE YOU DAD OMG!! I am SO very happy we got to spend our first fathers day together even if just a little, you made this the first year I was actually happy to celebrate it, looking forward to it and making a gift of my own :) Im so so happy to have you in my life. You are, likewise to Pepper, an AMAZING artist, so much detail, just so awesome in general. I love hearing all your silly stories about work and the people you know, old man. Thank you for being with me, papá, I never thought I'd actually find you again. Thank you so so very much. ♡

🐸 @bigb-enthusiast SIBLING!! MY SIBLING IN ZAYA OH MY GOODNESS IS THAT USER BIGB ENTHUSIAST?? YES IT SURE IS!! Bro I could listen to ur analysis and rambles til the end of the world u got the best ideas ever wtf!!?? Ur very freakin insane but also ur my best buddy, my nosey neighbor for life!! I appreciate u a lot, Bee, my favorite insane asylum escapee ♡

🔪 @skywardspecter OECAAAAA HEY ZACH ILYSM BROTHER!! YOUR ROLEPLAY AND WRITINGS ARE AAAAA-MAZE-ING !! I RLLY WANNA MEET U IRL!! UR SO GOOD AT ROLEPLAY AND ART, YOU'RE SO CREATIVE AND BRIGHT UR LIKE A BALL OF SUNSHINE!! U PUT UP W A LOT RUNNING SM SERVERS BUT U ALWAYS GET BACK UP AND I THINK THATS ADMIRABLE!! AND IDK VIANS TUMBLR BUT SHOT OUT TO VIAN AND ORCA TOO !! VIANS SUCH A GREAT SUPPORTIVE FRIEND FR NO MATTER WHAT AND ORCA IS SUCH A KIND AND FUNNY GUY, VERY UNDERSTANDING <33 I LOVE U GUYS!! U MAKE ME FEEL SAFE, LIVE LAUGH LOVE MAGIC MAZE ♡

🥣 @rennyus SOUP OMGGG HAI SIBLIIIING ILYSM !!! GGHHH YOU. YOU ARE SO GREAT AND PATIENT WITH ME, YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED YOU AND YOU'VE NEVER EVER JUDGED ME FOR ANYTHING!! I LOOOOVE HEARING ABT UR MEMORIES THEYRE ALWAYS SO SO SWEET <33 I RLLY HOPE U FIND UR WIVES SOMEDAY CAUSE ALL I WANT IS TO SEE U HAPPY SIB ♡

🐟 Aussi, MY AMAZING COUSIN OMG?? IDK UR USER HERE BUT!! WE'VE BEEN THRU SOOO SO MUCH TOGETHER, EVEN WITH THE PERIODS WE DONT TALK MUCH IN, I LOOOOVE GETTING INTO THINGS U LIKE OR WHEN U TAKE THE TIME TO GET INTO THE STUFF I ENJOY TOO!!! UR FRIENDS ARE ALSO VERY SILLY N I LOVE PLAYIN PHASMO WITH YALL! I LOOOVE ALL THE MEMORIES WE SHARE TOGETHER AND THESE TWO YEARS OF COUSINSHIP HAVE BEEN AMAZING!! TO MANY MANY MORE YEARS COUSIN!! LOVE YOU TONS ♡

Simply special <3 ☕ @insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love every second we spend together. I love seeing yall thrive. I love your insane yet endearing behavior. You might be a bit unhinged sometimes, and admittedly not the healthiest person when it comes to your schedules, but I'm just so proud of everything you create and accomplish. I hope you get to accomplish all your dreams, and I hope I can be here to see that happen, if you let me :)! For many years more, cause I'm just oh so glad I met you. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊 Jack***, Oh my dearest, where do I even begin with you, sport... you trully are my soulmate, my other half... mi media naranja, if you will, heh.. Every second I get to spend with you is like heaven, no matter whats going on, I know everything will be alright cause I have you. You mean absolutely everything to me, my Hero, I know you'll always be there for me. You are the sweetest man I've ever met, and I'm so proud of the person you've become. If I had to choose between you or the world I'd choose you 10 times over, and I can say surely, that you'd do the same. I love every single detail about you, thank you for being so patient with me, you're wonderful, cielo. I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and stupidness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. ♡

Friends! 🏜️ @thecranewivesrpf My right hand man!! OMG we havent talked in a WHILE but ILYSM !!! MY SECOND IN COMMAND IN THE MAJORMOON SERVER FRFR!! WE SHOULD TALK AGAIN, I MISS U POOKIE </3

- -🪻-🍂-🌙- -🤎- -🩵- -✨-💒💍-✨- -🩵- -🤎- -🌙-🍂-🪻- -

Badges I've earned:

(More TBA)

That's it for now folks, love yall and see you around!

[eteru-roses]

"No matter how the wind howls, the mountain can not bend to it."

(^ quote from mulan :p)

hello!!!! welcome to the blog!

this is a disney-twisted wonderland oc roleplay blog! we're all here to have fun but before you interact, please thoroughly read the following section

🌿 BEFORE YOU INTERACT 🎧

before you interact with my blog, there are a few rules and disclaimers on this blog. they are listed here

🌿 first and foremost, any type of homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, fatphobia, etc. is not permitted on my blog.

🎧 please do not bring politics on my blog.

🌿 absolutely no pedophilia or zoophilia

🎧 i ask you not to mention wars on my blog. its triggering to me

🌿 i ask you to please respect boundaries.

🎧 do not cause fights on my blog, with me or with someone else

🌿 there could possibly be mentions of alcohol, self harm, suicide and drugs on my blog. i try my best to put warnings on posts in bold red text but please notify me if you think something show have a trigger/content warning

🎧 there will be foul language in my blog, in which will not have a cw/tw. if it bothers you, i think youre too young to be on this app

🌿 I ask you not to use any slurs. even if you are able to use them, i do not truly know if you can, and they make me rather uncomfortable.

🎧 please dont bring heavy NSFW stuff on my blog. this means i dont want to read smut, lemon, lime etc. suggestive jokes and asks are fine. they're rather funny infact

🌿 If i do anything that crosses a boundary, discomforts you, or makes you upset, please, immediately message me. i want to be a mature person. i want to be a (atleast) decent person. i hate loosing friends.

🎧 you can absolutely dm me. you can rant about your ocs to me, show me art, go ahead!! i love hearing about other people's ocs. you can also vent in my dms, but please ask first.

🌿 when sending an ask, please specify who its for. if not specified, it will be answered by both atamai and rida, or whoever i think fits it best. if you want to ask me, ren/guy behind the screen, specify so.

🎧 im absolutely terrible at reading tone, so i ask that you please use tone tags

🌿 This is a multiship blog 🎧

there are more rules when it comes to this!

🌿 relationships will not under ANY circumstances intersect with eachother.

🎧 this also means that i won't be having poly relationships with my characters. i don't know how to handle them.

🌿 i, the mod won't be getting into any irl relationships

🎧 as stated in the previous section, please, no heavy nsfw. suggestive jokes are fine. be reminded both my characters and i are on the acesexual spectrum

🌿 if you would like to start a ship with one of my characters, please privately message me. I would like to set something up with you.

If any of the rules stated are broken, i will first privately contact you, giving you a warning. the second time i will send you a dm, then block you.

okay now all that stuff is over, we can talk about my characters and i now :3

🌿 atamai ēteru 🌿

🌿 atamai speaks in blue text

🌿 age: 18/eighteen

🌿 birthday: december 12th

🌿 year: junior / third (3rd)

🌿 height: 5'8~5'10 / about 175 cm

🌿 dorm: octavinelle

🌿 class: 3-A

🌿 gender/pronouns: amab, he/they

🌿 sexuality: omniromantic demiromantic (masc preference) demisexual

🌿 Iikes: old/classic literature, his plants, gardening, his cat

🌿 dislikes: loud places/noises, crowds, bright lights, unconsentual physical contuct

🌿 least favorite food: any seafood/fish

🌿 favorite food: spring/hanami/tri-color dango

atamai ēteru is a quieter young man. he tends to have a more formal/proper way of speaking, and is rather short with his responses if he doesn't know who he is speaking to. once he gets closer to someone, he speaks more casually and freely around them. he has a more business casual way of dressing, typically wearing collared button-up shirts and vests, along with dress pants. he has a small white cat in his dorm named jasmine. he enjoys plants, especially interesting ones. his favorite flowers are snapdragons. he has autism, ptsd, and adhd. he tends to speak in a more formal way, i promise he doesn't hate anyone.

his backstory can be found here

you can find picrews here

pintrest board of his clothing taste here

🌿 atamai's relationships

friends/platonic

🌸 @/nrcbookclub 🌿 trystia sullivan 🌿 considers her a sister in all but blood 🌸

🌸 @/official-nrc-prophet 🌿 atlas cassandrasan 🌿 conaiders him a friend 🌸

🌸 @/official-vil-schoenheit 🌿 vil schoenheit 🌿 considers him a friend 🌸

🌸 @/floyd-leech-thing 🌿 floyd leech 🌿 considers him a friend/co-workers 🌸

🌸 @/jadeleech-official 🌿 jade leech 🌿 co workers 🌸

🌸 @/seven-seas-octavinelle 🌿 azul ashengrotto 🌿 friends? he's mai's boss 🌸

partners/romantic

🌸 none yet! 🌸

🎧 rida ēteru 🎧

🎧 age: 17

🎧 birthday: may 20th

🎧 year: sophomore/2nd(second)

🎧 dorm: heartslabul

🎧 height: 6'1 / about 185 cm

🎧 gender/prns: trans male/afab he/xe

🎧 sexuality: panromantic asexual

🎧 likes: talking, horror games, listening to music

🎧 dislikes: unconsentual touch, getting yelled at, dogs (they scare him)

🎧 fun facts: he has a ginger cat named pepper, along with liking horror games, he likes games similar to splatoon

rida is a very extroverted, talkative young man. he has a bright and happy personality. he enjoys horror games, and can play most of them without flinching. he is rather smart for someone as talkative as himself. he is the younger brother of atamai. he has adhd, ptsd, and bipolar.

backstory has not yet been written.

you can find his picrews here

pintrest board of his fashion taste here

i also made him a spotify playlist here

🎧 rida's relationships

friends/platonic

🎧

partners/romantic

🎧 @/nrcbookclub 🎮 harvey moore 🎮 his boyfriend <3 🎮 #rida's butterfly 🎧

✩ about mod/ren - dude behind the screen ✩

hi!!! im ren (nickname) , so hi! i speak in purple text. i have medically diagnosed adhd and autism, please be patient with me. i dont have the brightest past, please dont yell(or all caps in this case) at me when upset. it is very VERY triggering. i use he/they and im a transmasc demiromantic omniromantic asexual

i love making friends, dms always open!!

say hi boys!!

hello.

hi!!!!!

credit for the dividers go to @/cafekitsune

also if anyone's wondering about the quote its because both of them are based off mulan :p

[diezmil10000]

what was your dave hc for that davekat comic? just curious

okay so. two things. first of all a content warning for discussing homophobia and child abuse (i mention child sexual abuse but don’t go into detail). second of all, i read homestuck for the first time last month and i’ve never read any analysis of dave’s character, so i have no idea of what the general opinion is!

this is insanely long so it’s all under the cut, sorry if you didn’t expect this wall of text anon

i think it's pretty much explicitly canon that dave has a complicated relationship with his attraction to men, both because of internalised homophobia and because of the abuse he suffered as a child from his bro. as someone who didn’t pay much attention to dave until later pages, i want to say that his first meeting with dirk was the only moment in all homestuck that made me cry and left me with my heart stinging. i had to stop reading for a while

my comic was the result of days of thinking of how dave is a deeply repressed and traumatised boy who left earth thinking being gay is a joke, only to fall for another boy whose entire species is bisexual by default. i like to interpret dave as someone who is simultaneously uncomfortable with and yearning for intimacy – he is kinda okay with having a partner, with casually making out, but he freaks out the moment he has to talk about his feelings or take things a step further. the fact that he (as davesprite) suddenly breaks up with jade, unable to put his feelings into words for a proper explanation; the way he (pre-retcon) describes his relationship with terezi on the meteor as “a thing” and refuses to talk to karkat (or anyone) about it; the whole goddamn conversation between him and karkat and john in the final arc… this poor kid has gone through a lot

a lot of the abuse he’s suffered because of his bro is very explicit, like being denied privacy, but a lot of it is also left implied. he’s weirdly fixated on dirk being gay, not only because he wants to know how he came out, but also because learning about it made him have a realization about his bro that he refuses to even bring up in the conversation. the first though i had was that he went through some kind of sexual abuse, not necessarily involving physical touch (though it could be) but strong enough to damage his perception towards his own body. even for a headcanon in which that doesn’t happen, dave says his bro never truly loved him, and i can imagine him having never received any kind of genuine physical affection

we also have to take into account that dave’s last sight of earth was 2009’s earth. we’re in 2023 as i’m writing this and men all over the world still have a complicated relationship with affection and feelings, especially straight men towards other men. dave grew up in a time in which gay marriage wasn’t legal in the united states, in which a lot of feminist ideas were outright discarded as crazy, and he never had to question lgbt issues because all of his crushes before karkat were girls. so he left earth being not exactly homophobic but finding jokes about gay people funny, and then he was forced to live with aliens that don’t understand heteronormativity because they quite literally don’t care about gender. and on top of that, the only other human in the meteor who happens to be his sister is suddenly a lesbian, and he feels like he’s the only one who can’t come to terms with his own sexuality

as much as it’s tempting to think that dave and rose had some conversations about the topic on the meteor, to me it is much more interesting to think that they haven’t. rose is another can of worms, and i personally love that the way she sorted her feelings out is 100% up to interpretation (i have dozens of explicitly repressed lesbians to read about in other media) – however, in every possible scenario i imagine dave dying to ask her personal questions, but ultimately deciding against it because it would put him in a vulnerable position. he isn't alone, but he's been taught to believe he is

so, finally coming back to how i envisioned my davekat comic: they have made out more than once but they have never talked about how they feel about it. karkat is afraid to death of hurting dave because he apparently can’t stop hurting his loved ones! but he guesses that at this point they are both on the same page and they should take it a step further and maybe dave just needs someone else to silently take the initiative? which isn't entirely wrong (they are horny teenagers physically craving for touch), but the sudden skin-to-skin contact is too much for dave, who isn’t mentally prepared for this. and he won’t be prepared until he talks about it, but he will eventually. because he will learn that he isn't alone and he will never be

honestly, out of all things i didn’t expect when i read homestuck, the last one was a well written teenager coming to terms with the fact that he’s bisexual. i really don’t want to hear any debate about this topic, because i was genuinely touched by how human dave’s development felt and that’s the emotion i want to remember. i too have been a lgbt teenager with no words to describe my experiences, afraid of coming out to my friends, and it was very nice to read that two of the four main protagonists of homestuck are explicitly lgbt. sorry if the wording isn’t the most pleasing, i know that literally almost every homestuck character is explicitly lgbt (you could argue that all kids are), but i guess that rose and dave being *inarguably* lgbt while being so important to the story makes my heart warm. we don’t usually get stories like this that get so insanely popular. also, i hope this hasn’t come across as me reducing dave to his insecurities and sexuality, it was after all a reply to a specific question!!

thank you for the interest anon, and thank you for reading all of this to anyone who has :)

[yes0another0outsiders0blog]

Hey, I am working on longer headcanons and stuff currently. Work is being a lot, though, and my brain isn't staying still long enough to do more than a bit at a time. So, in the meantime--

The Outsiders Queer Headcanons : (Part 1)

Kind of modern au? Most of these labels didn't really exist in the 60s and they probably wouldn't be thinking of labels or processing their queer feelings like that back then, but I think if they had the labels and were in a more accepting society this is what they'd identify as.

Warning : homophobia, I can't write about a group of men from the conservative southern 1960s and their queerness semi-realistically without touching on it

Ponyboy -

biromantic, demisexual

preference towards men, but not a strong one... like, 60/40 split

personally, I ship Purly, so there's that. also, Pony 100% really started experimenting in college. like, him and Curly had some mutual feelings before, he went to college and came back like "OH, okay, yeah I like guys, cool," and an actual relationship came from that

Sodapop -

pansexual, doesn't care about gender in the slightest

is probably the most chill with lgbt stuff from the beginning. even outside of modern au, if someone was openly queer around the gang then everyone else would be at varying levels of uncomfortable (because, uh, conservative southern 60s), but Soda would just be like "you know what, good for them!! they seem happy!!"

wouldn't seek it out on his own, but if he was introduced into the lgbt community he'd DEFINITELY get into experimenting with gender. still cis, but plays with drag occasionally and gets damn good at it.

actually doesn't really care about gender at all. won't consider himself anything other than a guy, he was raised a guy and doesn't have any issues with that or any reason to say otherwise, but also doesn't have any strong connection to it. you could call him anything (gender-wise) and he'd be chill. technically, cassgender would describe him accurately, but it don't think he'd use the label because it wouldn't really be saying anything important to him.

Darry -

unfortunately, that is a Heterosexual Man. (nothing wrong with straight people, I'm just a gay genderqueer femboy that happens to lowkey be a Darry simp, so it's unfortunate that I can't see him any other way--)

tries really hard to be an ally because his brothers very much date men, but struggles a tiny bit

wouldn't be mean to a queer person, but is very confused and uncomfortable with the topic because it's unfamiliar to him

asks a lot of kind of awkward questions. like, wants to understand and is trying, but it comes out so weird.

bless his heart

Two-Bit -

probably straight... heteroflexible?

has only dated women, has only been attracted to women, but is open minded

when he's single, he talks about a future partner pretty neutrally or says things like, "when I have a wife, or husband idk I'm not a psychic--"

makes really homophobic jokes out of discomfort, uses humor to cope and is just super not use to gay people. not doing it maliciously, but sometimes says things that are pretty terrible without meaning to

if called out, he'll stop (to an extent, he'll still take the easy opportunity for a dumb joke, but he isn't saying anything horribly offensive anymore), he just genuinely did not know that what he was saying was actually really awful

Steve -

bisexual and incredibly homophobic

so mad about being attracted to men. the fact that he PREFERS men? disgusting.

all of the characters have internalized homophobia, but none half as powerful as this man's.

the type to say that he'd "never choose to be gay" and honestly does think (or maybe just convinces himself) that it's a choice. thinks that everyone is essentially bi but "chooses" their sexuality based on which attractions they act on. desperately does not want to be wrong (but is very much wrong)

would probably have a secret "casual" relationship for a LONG time before he can't do it anymore and is forced to accept that he's into men for real

you'd think that being best friends with Soda, the most chill person ever with this stuff, would help. maybe it does and god knows how long it would take Steve to come around without him. but it still takes him SO long to just be okay with any of it.

he does grow out of being terrible about it (maybe not fully, but at least mostly), it just takes a TON of time and a good handful of mental breakdowns to get there

Johnny -

unlabeled, struggles to tell if he's aroace-spec or if he just has trouble being close to people due to trauma. isn't sure if the two are connected or how, doesn't really like thinking about it for too long.

he also has trouble distinguishing different types of attraction at all.

basically just along for the ride whenever it comes to his sexuality. if he's attracted to someone, then alright. he's spent a long time trying to figure attraction out to only end up more confused, he might wonder about it when he does get a crush but he isn't actively deep-diving into his feelings and searching for accurate labels.

Dally -

bisexual, heavy preference towards women though

would probably never act on feelings towards a guy, those kind of really scare him. but he has seen a good handful of guys that he's just fully, undeniably attracted to, so he knows damn well it's a lie to call himself straight

(he's still going to, tho)

also, demiromantic

denies that he's romantically interested in anyone ever, but he does feel that attraction. he just has to have a bit of trust before he can feel it.

not actually explicitly homophobic, genuinely does not care what other people do with their lives, but he's a piece of shit in general so he'll definitely see a queer person as an easy target. he's the type of person to use anything he can to start something, he's going to use someone being a minority against them just because he's a fucking ass.

[icharchivist]

I feel (hope?) like gaybaiting is less prevalent nowadays because back then it was a bit of a tongue in cheek joke to imply that two men were gay, because that somehow made them less manly

So if a guy displays stereotypically female tendencies, like caring about his appearance, or caring about other men, he's gay, so he's a cissy and then we laugh because haha, only women care about their appearance and men

Then came the slightly more "woke" queerbaiting where it was less hated but being queer was still not taken super seriously and networks weren't comfortable just showing off gay people just for the sake of being gay, so there still had to be a joke in there

So we often got the straight man being mistaken for gay, so he can say "we're not boyfriends". Hilarious

Also, bi people don't exist, obviously /s

I feel like the 2010's moved from the obvious gay jokes to more subtle gay jokes, but also adding some gaybaiting, either because the showrunners couldn't get away with more, or, and that was probably more frequent, to drive engagement. Get the rabid yaoi fangirls and keep them shipping and voílà

Idk that just popped into my head

Anyway, Grimnir good

Idk

mhmmmm

so like, i lived through the 00s and 10s as a LGBT person and there's a few things here and there about the whole queerbaiting thing that is just... difficult truly to explain. I think you're right in some points but i might end up sounding contradictory.

(also i really hate the term rabid yaoi fangirls to represent a group of people who are mostly looking for representation of validation yaknow).

the 00s were extremely homophobic. Like, extremely. It was the time where more men were playing with their gender, being more effeminate, and homosexuality was becoming more and more of a threat to casual masculinity. Gay was readily thrown around as an insult to anyone who wouldn't fit through gender norms.

while various shows or movies (esp on the western front) has been trying to involve some gay rep, it was not the majority and all, but, idk, the memory i had of the 00s was this viciousness, this desire to refute homosexuality anywhere you were seeing it.

Enters a lot of 00s show and you get into a point where being gay is a joke. It's a punchline. Men being thought as gay was emasculating and it was funny.

Eventually there was backlash against that. with the rise of the internet LGBT+ community could organize a bit more and actually discuss this type of problems directly where the showrunners could read them.

There was also a time where queer fans were so starved for queer content that they would take the joke for the desperate need to be validated. Like. Sorry i was a fan of supernatural since it first aired and i have this vivid memories that the reactions to the first gay jokes in it, which were meant to emasculate them, was welcomed by fans as "it's nice to be seen though".

But well. With the internet came the realization that people who look for queer content is a non negligeable part of the fanbase. you want to cater to them, because they keep your show rolling and you know they do from engagement online. But the society is still homophobic, and held back, and your directors are still telling you to play it safe and to keep what they believe to be the center fanbase: straight men.

Supernatural has a long history in queer baiting which i could talk about a lot more esp in the fact they were always opened about making meta episodes about the fandom which gives you a good view on how the show interreacted with the queer fans through the decades. But imo it's esp important to note that they mentioned that everytime they would want to do something else, the CW would remind them that their "core audience" were straight men who would be uncomfortable with gay content. Something anyone who has been online would argue otherwise. how do you do then to throw a bone to the people who actually keep your show running while the executives don't see it? you queerbait.

Not all shows are created equal on this though. Merlin was a major queerbaity show, with the last knife in the wound being how the director commentary was that he wrote them as a love story, and yet. But where does it fall when you learn the showrunner was a gay man? at what point is it intention, at what point is it studio interferrance, at what point is it you holding yourself back because the culture feels unsafe to you yet?

(the exact same argument can be made about queercoding in 90s Disney movies, which was the time where a LOT of the creative teams were actually made of queer people who were or weren't out at the time. Is it playing with the audience expectation or demonizing gay people when you queercode villains as gay, when it's done by people who are trying to sneak their identity in contents that are otherwise hostile to them, and therefore demonizing themselves is one way for the casual audience to accept them as long as they're bad, but it means also that they're here?)

I don't go to House MD, but just the extract i saw showed the executive producer is an infamous gay man in the industry (and a rapist but that's a whole other conversation). in the early 00s. Can you normalize gayness in a society that is still hostile to it, can you make jokes and plotlines to showcase this gayness, but also being sure to not commit as to not alienate the community you're meant to write for?

and it's not actually like a showrunner being gay actually makes things better or whatever. Sherlock was infamous for all of those "oh we're not gay" jokes, despite being co written by a gayman, but i don't think anyone can watch the first episode of season 3 and feel like the showrunners don't absolutely hate their queer fans. They literally say to their face that people actually reading queer subtext in this show are insane people no one wants to have as fans. They like the attention, but not the expectations.

Some shows did use it purely as a marketting ploy. the more fanbases were getting loud about queer content, the more some companies actually thought to take advantage of it. I think of Teen Wolf that used to literally show edits of two fanfavorites characters who were heavily shipped together in promo material, only to learn watching the episode that the promo was misleading on every single one of those scenes. This is the type of period where they realized they could weaponize their queer audience without actually committing enough to alienate their core audience.

fans grew tired of queerbaiting and would call out the companies for that -- so eventualy they had to change tactic... while sitll not wanting to alienate their core audience. It still comes from the fact companies genuinely believe the straight audience is actually the only one that matters.

after the queerbaiting era we had a tons of stories about Bury your Gays. The 100 was one of the most notorious exemple, where they canonized a wlw relationship only to kill the lesbian the next episode so the bi protag would move on to better (straight) future. It's another form of queerbaiting but it came from a society more accepting of queer stuff, and trying to bank on the queer fans, while actually still considering them a minority that isn't worth actually alienating the bigots for.

I think queerbaiting is really just indicative of the changing society and perception about gay rights, while also evolving on a culture/system/personal belief that they should not be the core demographic and you have to do everything to not alienate the core -phobic audience. It's the illusion of progress while not ruffling too many feathers, but throwing a bone to a community you know is so starving they can substain you just by giving them subtext.

I don't particularly think it changed. I don't think companies are seeing LGBT+ communities as profitable enough to alienate the LGBT-phobic audience. Mocking things is a bad look, but committing proper stories is not exactly in their best interest either. So eventually we either get stories that still function on subtext to keep fans engaged, or we get gay couple with very little focus and/or development just for decorantum in the background enough so it doesn't ruffle some feathers by being TOO important for the people who just want to ignore them.

It was a different time. Looking back with nostalgia feels a bit like a fever dream and it's why i can't help laughing at it, but i remember those things used too make me sad when i was a queer teen. (esp since i was actually reading BLs personally on my free time way before American shows started to even think about TEASING gay ships. Say what you will about problematic BLs can be but it always gave me a major whiplash seeing how little mainstream seemed to care about committing when they were teasing things.)

idk. it's complicated. i'm not an expert i'm just someone who lived through it and had confused feelings about it.

They don't do it like that anymore because society has changed and it's a bad look to just make fun of it. 't's not like it's been replaced by real acceptance either tho.

but yeah personally i think the rise of the internet is the one thing to not neglect here. Once it was easier for LGBT+ communities to organize, discuss, make themselves heard to the showrunners, they couldn't be ignored anymore as a possible customer group. And the past two decades have pretty much been about how to actually take advantage of this group without losing the bigot demography either.

You can make jokes: gay fans will laugh and will wonder if there is maybe a bit of truth, and bigots will laugh because yeah isn't being gay so funny? until gay fans grow tired of being the butt of the joke and bigot get tired of still having to acknowledge "the way to humiliate men" that gay jokes always bring. you can make subtext: gay fans will feed on it and overread it, and bigots will ignore it. Until gay fans get tired of having to fight for their interpretation and for crumbs, and bigots will get annoyed by fans talking about that gay shit online. you can make some token characters: gay fans will be happy to be seen, and bigot will tolerate it as long as it's not too in focus. until gay fans get tired that their experience is so superficial, like just putting a still picture on the screen, and bigot will get angry of the woke shit being thrown at their throat.

And that's just the systemic analysis - it doesn't account for how some showrunners' own desire in the way to approach a story.

idk man.

aayway yes Grimnir nice indeed.

[cassidyawesome]

Cassidy reviews shows #1!!!: My dress-up darling

TL;DR: CUTE GIRL DOT DECK, insanely charming, cute outfits, good relationship, really funny zoomer talk /srs.

This show….rocks beyond belief!

I’m all things considered a casual anime fan, a lot of stuff i’ve watched is pretty in line with dress up darling (Bunny girl senpai, rent a girlfriend). I hold bunny girl senpai extremely high as a thing i love, and i was holding this show to that level of standard…and it met it very easily in my opinion.

I went into this show expecting some ecchi trash, like some real shit that’s gonna make me uncomfortable. Thats not what i got (well it kinda was) i found myself watching an extremely pleasant and FUNNY show. This show is chock a block full of people just…enjoying what they like AND ALSO LEARNING TO LIKE THINGS, WHICH IS EXACTLY THE ARC I AM HAVING IRL. It was an extreme comfort seeing Gojo and Marin just be friends, they warm up to each other, Marin gets Gojo into stuff she likes, they bond over it.

The standout detail to me about this show is that…Marin and Gojo are just people. Normal dudes (At least until Marin drops that she’s a model on the low and acts like it’s nothing), like i could both meet and be Marin irl. She literally canonically has multiple blorbos. She talks in crazy zoomer speak that i found funny and incredibly endearing. Gojo is an average guy, he’s got a goal, he doesn’t like stepping out of his comfort zone (until he meets Marin).

The real Shmeat of this show is the outfits, the cosplay the dress-up in the darling. And well, it’s cute! Marin’s cute in her obsessing about characters she loves and wanting to be them (i relate to her so much in this area). Gojo’s cute in he wants to make Marin happy, which then leads to him wanting to make himself happy by pursuing his new craft. My favorite of Marin’s cosplay’s is Shizuku-tan.

The one thing i don’t like about this show is the arc(?) with Juju and shinju. It felt very unnatural for the flow of the show for them to introduce two characters - one of which is pretty similar to Marin but kinda just more annoying. The thing that rubs me the wrong way with this is the little sister. She’s the “reverse loli” trope that’s kinda just uncomfortable to watch. I was terrified she was gonna just a joke like “haha girl is tall girls aren’t tall how weird”. This isn’t what happens but what does happen is still kinda uncomfortable and just kinda made me weirded out. Luckily this arc is short and results in some good positive character development for Marin and Gojo.

—-final thoughts—-

(Spoilers for this part) Some last comments i have is This scene at the very very end . Marin has gojo fall asleep while on the phone with her to calm her down, when he’s asleep she tells him she loves him. Not only was this extremely satisfying ending but also very natural feeling.

(No spoilers for this) My last comment is about the Ending song (i know there’s a word for these but idk it). Long story short it’s the cutest shit. The little art style it’s in is adorable, the colors, the expression, THE MOVING PATTERN ON HER SKIRT. The little fish that are just hanging out. Effervescent.

My overall opinion is that this show is incredible. I’m gonna give this a 9.3/10. Both mc’s are insanely relatable to me. Marin is a very gender affirming character to relate with for me. Great story. Incredible aesthetic and settings. GREAT HUMOR! this was my favorite part of the show, the way Marin speaks made this show stand out so much. Watch this show if you like any of these things.

[michaels-office-hours]

So… I recently found a streamer called F1nnster? And that guy is making me think way too much about things.

(I wouldn’t be tying him into this post if it weren’t for the fact he’s funny and I think needs more recognition.)

Gonna put under the cut cause man alive this is a long rant and I’m gonna be rambling.

Keep scrolling! Enjoy your day! Go get some hot coco! Hope you know you’re loved.🫰🏻

Ok. Now onto my existential crisis.

So… he started by cross dressing as a joke. Small at first. Then it became “girl month”. Then it be a,e people paying him donos to meet the goal to keep girlmonth going. Then it became all the time. Then it became him quietly taking HRT. And now he’s out as Gender-fluid (I’m still using he/him cause he said he still feels like majority “boy” which I feel that man)

How does this tie into me? Well……

Jewels in the latter half of 2022 started wearing more button up shirts, and jeans and belts. Kinda business casual… but also really masc. and a lot of hoodies. I’ll admit? That was me XD. She didn’t know about us at that point, so Olivia and I were getting a bit desperate to get her attention. She’d literally go from full on dress and cutesie, to hoodie and looking masc one second later. It was hilarious.

Me and Olivia still do that between ourselves.

I’ve been host for a while now… and the way I dress really shows it. I have short hair, Jewels used to have it down to her waste. Haven’t had that for nearly two years. I legit have MatPat hair most of the time! lol.

People will walk up and say sir if I keep my mouth shut. My voice is pretty much the only thing that gives it away.

Which is why F1nnster and all makes me think too much.

Since I’ve been online, I see the trans community, and it itches my brain. I’m not a man. I’m just a guy. I got over the manly man thing before I joined the system XD. But… I do get body dysphoria. I freak out at the sound of my own voice, because it really is a woman’s, no mistaking that no matter what I try.

But… this body also isn’t mine. Or… if you wanna get specific? It’s not only mine.

I share it. With both Olivia and Jewels. Both of which are fem presenting, or VERY feminine.

Jewels has issues with her voice because of bullying… but doesn’t want to change it that much, or her body.

Olivia’s voice is Jewels’ but pitched up even higher, and with a more feminine flair. And she sometimes gets a bit of dysphoria the other direction, because we aren’t the most curvy or conventionally pretty girl… (I beg to differ. And in fact most people rave about how we’re gorgeous if Olivia picks the outfit… soooo. With the long hair people thought we were a celebrity or something.)

In both cases? I’d rather die than take something from either of them.

Because of messed up alter stuff? I know what it’s like to have someone else running you like a puppet, and you have no control over your own body. I hate that I’m even host sometimes, robbing Jewels of her own body, I couldn’t imagine trying to make it more comfortable just because I’m a little uncomfortable.

And I’ve heard voices on T? They aren’t really what I want. I want the extra deep, smooth, voice. … I doubt I could get that from the starting point I have. And I would hate to never hear Olivia’s voice again… that’s some of the reason I’m still here… cause she said one thing. I couldn’t do that.

Btw. This isn’t an anti trans post in the slightest.

It’s more of a … “y’all make it look so nice, I wish I could. But it’d mean giving up things that means so much to people really close to me so I can’t. I’m so interested in it. But man it makes brain itch in weird ways I don’t need to think about”

I hope y’all can live your dreams. I- can’t. Heh.

Am I screaming into the void in a vague attempt that someone will tell me I can have my cake and eat it too? No nooooo not at all/sarcasm drools on the floor in a desperate attempt to sound normal

I love my fellow headmates too much to make them give something up for my two second, three years, or even life of glory. Cause either won’t be host all the time. Things change. And I know how much this hurts. I’d rather take that pain forever than ever give it to my girls.

Ok so I’ve been rambling a while. Gonna shut up and actually get something to eat and stop beating myself up and daydreaming about the impossible now XD

[erosephalopod]

It's interesting to me, the discourse that 'based on my likes!' apparently I should be seeing - the stuff about reclaiming queer slurs. Who can. Who can't. Which ones. Kinda exemplifies for me this idea that there is one highly specific prescribed "good" way to be and if you don't live exactly like that then you're bad. Like I get kinda Doug Forcett from The Good Place vibes from it and all BUT it does remind me of an anecdote I have.

So, god help me, I'll share it. Because I want to assuage my professional imposter syndrome by tooting my own horn about adding a bit of depth to something professional more than I don't want to be dragged into discourse apparently. Which means it's story time!

I facilitate a domestic violence group for men as part a local community agency. So we're at a goddamn mouthful of an anecdote already. It's curriculum based, and I generally like the curriculum but it could stand to have some more depth and connections or themes could be teased out and highlighted better. I imagine this is because it's designed as a "process group" (lots of participating) and we end up having to run it more like a psycho-educational group (so it's a bit thin sometimes). But I digress again. One of the lessons I teach - the one I taught literally seven hours ago - is on apologies.

Apologies are actually a pretty specific skill, and even people that AREN'T in unhealthy relationship patterns can benefit from learning about them. Who'd'a thunk, right?

After going over the steps of a good apology, the next stretch of material covers common pitfalls. The first is "not being genuine". Because yeah, obviously, right? But a lot of our social role models and structures teach us to be disingenuous. Every elementary/primary schooler who's wound up in a spat with another kid and they were both made to apologize is keenly aware of that. So it's a good reminder, but also we tack on to that the constant reminder of "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry that hurt your feelings" is bullshit.

And then the material takes a sudden turn and allows that this is sometimes acceptable, but you need to be careful with it.

Now being the neurodivergent asshole I am, I feel the need to explore this. It's a truism. Even if I can think about it and be like "okay maybe", I can't just casually dispel a truism in DV group without backing it up. AND a good example would illustrate some of the underlying critical thinking social skill stuff that connects a lot of the lessons. So I pondered. And I've piloted one I think is good a few times, which The Discourse™️ reminds me of.

A key reason to NOT use those kinds of apologies is that they ultimately shift value judgments from your behavior and reduce it only to the impact it has. They say "well what I did was fine, but apparently you're a big baby so sorry you can't handle stuff I guess." When might a message like that be okay? When your behavior wasn't inappropriate, and this doesn't need to be stopped, but your behavior caused problems for someone and you want to let them know you'll be careful not to cause them problems again. Not because they're a baby, but because everyone is different. (And you still use all the rest of the steps.) So:

My friends and I are all queer of some variety. Some of us about gender. Some about sexuality. Some both. It's a neat bag. And we joke all sorts of ways when we're together. We call charcuterie "cheese faggotry". We make jokes around queer people not being able to sit right (most of us don't in my group lol). I script The Grand Budapest Hotel's "that fucking faggot!" and "I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot?" -> "You are, but you're bisexual." Etc. In our subset of queer life, we're all fine with that. But say I invite a new friend over. The rest of us carry on like normal. New friend is VERY uncomfortable hearing "faggot" used so casually, as an example. Say it's for trauma reasons. Say it's just because they disagree I should use it. I would not apologize for using it. I'm not sorry. I will do it again. I don't think it was wrong to do in general. But I WOULD apologize for doing something that made them uncomfortable. I'd recognize what makes them uneasy and I'd let them know I won't do it again around them because it matters to me that they feel comfortable. I'd say "I'm sorry that I did something that made you uncomfortable" and move from there.

It's a weird example to give to a group of men I barely know, but it's what I've got. "Okay, fuck, but what's the point, Squid?"

Whoops. Does there have to be? But I guess it boils down to this: The guiding principles isn't "always do this" and "never do that" and "follow this list of rules". The rules - and their exceptions - exist to serve a simple interpersonal principle: "care about the people around you and interact in a way that strives to recognize what matters and how you impact it". Everything in the skills portion of that book, from the assertiveness skills to the active listening to the tips for nondefensive and respectful disagreement to even the stuff about attachment style and communication, rolls back to that same idea. "If you care about this person, then you both benefit most from collaboration and engagement". Things like the slur reclamation carrd drift so far away from core principles that they can seem baffling. I don't think the world is as simple as "does this behavior hurt anyone? is this my business?" but, even as an autistic person, I find the idea that there are bylaw-style guidelines to the correct human experience not only silly but undesirable. And I promise you don't win points by dying on an ideological hill that isn't quite connected to reality. If you and your other queers use slurs and nobody's being upset or oppressed by it, then it isn't anyone else's business. Similarly, if you're wading through territory with lots of perspectives and around people who have diverse experiences and something you do makes someone uncomfortable, you don't do more good in the world by telling them "too bad".

Learn to say sorry. Learn to communicate your needs and perspectives. Collaborate with your fellow humans to make sure you're having a positive experience. Life isn't simple, but sometimes

[doppo-hot]

Heyo, I’m the trans girl who was getting rubbed the wrong way about your transwomen headcanons, sorry if I did kinda come off as rude, it’s just that a lot of enbys (especially on Twitter) always headcanon male characters as transwomen to make them lesbians instead of gay and it always rubbed me the wrong way, but I really am sorry if I said something I shouldn’t have, but it doesn’t kinda make me feel like you’re making a joke out of us

Oh no it's alright!! There's nothing wrong with you feeling uncomfortable with something like this or anything, and i don't think you were rude about it or anything. It's just a tough thing to talk about in general without it feeling emotionally charged. For me it kinda came to be bc hypmic is such a male dominated cast that it started to make me uncomfortable, so when i started to think "what if" i ended up getting really attached to the idea, if that makes any sense. I usually try and avoid the making male characters trans women thing, i think it requires a lot more context to do it that way and I realize it can come off as insensitive. Honestly I am so far removed from the twitter scene, so I have no clue about that added layer, but I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with that.

[sugrbugz]

their reaction to you coming out as trans!! : BOKUTO, KENMA, AKAASHI, OIKAWA, TSUKKI, & ASAHI ♥︎

CW: this covers topics such as gender dysphoria, transphobia, and ignorant parents. please be safe my loves!!

transphobes get the fuck outta here right now

also i’m ftm myself so i’m writing from my own experience! if you want a non binary one or even mtf let me know! ♥︎

BOKUTO

would be so very excited to go clothing shopping with you but also giving you all of his hoodies in the mean time-

would love to show you off as his official boyfriend, would fight transphobic people for you

“hey bo, can we talk?” you asked softly, only causing him to open his arms wide from where he was sitting on your bed. you crawled into his lap like you always did, your hands shaking a bit when your wrapped your arms around his neck. “what’s up little owl!” he smiled wide, flashing you that beautiful smile of his. “it’s sorta serious love..” you mumbled making his smile fall only a bit, it falling completely when you started crying. “lovebug? what’s wrong..you can talk to me baby” he soothed making you nod. “i know we’ve talked about your preferences before and i don’t know where i fall but-“ you hiccuped, trying to figure out how to say it. “i’m transgender..i want to be a boy” you sobbed out, ultimately terrified he’d leave even though you knew he wouldn’t. “no..” he started making you cry only harder, not even three seconds later were calloused fingers there to wipe them, “you are a boy..not want, right baby?” he smiled softly, kissing your nose.

KENMA

his emotions would hurt him first only because he wouldn’t fully understand why you’re so upset

best hair stylist in the game!! he’d do your hair so you don’t have to deal with judgemental old ladies and weird barbers.

would 100000000/10 drop anything hes doing to snuggle you since he knows how much of a bitch dysphoria can be

it actually happened by accident. currently you were in the bathroom, shaky hands on a pair of scissors you’d found in the kitchen. it was one of those moments. you weren’t officially out to anybody, not even your boyfriend just simply out of fear of being disliked. however when kenma came to use the bathroom after doing a five hour livestream her heart almost shattered right then and there. you were too into your head to even notice his presence, snapping back to reality when he took the scissors from you. that’s when the tears started. he was quickly to pull you close, kissing your head. “i think i understand..but if i don’t, please explain..” he whispered softly into your ear. “i-i..” you stuttered, you didn’t even know how to say it. “i’ve been dealing with my gender for awhile and came to the conclusion that im a boy..” you sniff, snuggling into his chest since the comfort felt good. “okay baby, you’re still mine okay?” he spoke so soft it was reassuring. “but come to me instead of butchering your hair, you know damn well i could cut it better. dork.” he winked sitting you down to actually cut your hair properly.

AKAASHI

wasn’t totally surprised even though he is oblivious to most things

he would be so sweet about it??????? he wouldn’t even question you???? just accepting right away

after you were ready to come out? god he would be so overbearing with how supportive he was. “hey have you seen my BOYFRIEND?” or “are you doing okay, pretty boy?” he would do it all the time

he already knew. you’d asked him to pack your laptop in your book bag since you guys were going to study at the library. he usually didn’t snoop and honestly minded his business, but when he saw what he thought was a dildo his curiosity was peaked. you had millions of tabs open, all pertaining to the concept of gender identity. his heart softened sadly, upset by the fact you did this all alone. you came up to check what was taking him so long, face dropping when you saw what was open, “i-i promise i can explain-!” you rush forward but he quickly wraps two arms around you, kissing you softly. “shush. you don’t need to explain.” he smiled, “your preferred name and pronouns my darling?” he hummed in addition, grinning from the blush on your cheeks. “uhm..y/n..and he/him..please..” you whisper making him nod, “i’ve got the cutest boyfriend every yanno that?”

OIKAWA

would make fun of you for a bit until he realized this was actually serious

he would also apologize profusely for doing so.

would go out and buy you 67963334 slacks just to see you in them i know it

“tooru i’m serious!” you’d whimper, genuine tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. that’s when he knew he took it too far. “hey..i was just joking around…does me calling you girlie actually make you uncomfortable? why?” he was confused but then again you couldn’t blame them. you’d told iwa you were trans, hoping to get someway to tell oikawa but there wasn’t much acknowledgment of him at all. “yes..it does” you nodded wiping your eyes. “is it because you’re trans?” all the air in your lungs was knocked out of you at this. “how did you..” you’d ask softly, “i dunno! i’m just really good at this!” he giggled before kissing your head and getting off the couch you two were on. “one minute!” he ran upstairs and about five minutes later came back with all his old clothes he outgrew. “here! ‘ma saved them for donating to relatives but your more important” he hummed making you blush, “tooru you don’t-“ “and what’s your pants size?” “uh-i-“ “it’s okay doesn’t matter we’ll get all of them.” “ALL OF WHAT.” and that’s honestly how the rest of your night went.

TSUKKI

he wasn’t totally surprised but then again he knew how your parents were and would understand your hesitation for coming out

it didn’t really phase him at all. have you seen his gender nonconforming best friend? tsukki wouldn’t care unless you were authentically yourself.

would always give you reassurance, no matter how much you needed.

you’d come to your boyfriends house for the third night this week, his mom more than happy to let you stay. “he’s upstairs!” she’d smile from where she was making dinner. you already knew where to find his room, so coming inside and throwing your bags down casually wasn’t an issue at all. “y/n how many times do i have to tell your messy ass that you don’t put bags in the middle of the-“ he spun in his desk chair to look at you, his face falling the second he saw your face go red and tears streaming down your face. tsukki fucking SUCKED with emotions but he wouldn’t be pathetic and not try. “cmere moonie, what’s wrong” he frowned getting up and sitting on the bed, pulling you down with him. “i told them” you stated simply, his own anxiety kicked in. “and?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “they kicked me out.” you nodded towards the fourish bags you had dropped. “well..fuck them. here you’ll be loved and respected. they don’t deserve you. no one does. now, ill ask mom if we can move in the old dresser from akiterus room..you make yourself comfy. change, take of makeup, whatever it is. here? you’re allowed to be who you are.” and with that he was gone. tsukki may look like an asshole but he tries his best not to be for you.

ASAHI

wouldn’t initially get it, but it would take some explaining and he’d be absolutely on board

would probably smoother you in love and affection for being brave enough to tell him how you’ve been feeling

similar to akaashi he’d be quick to correct those who use incorrect pronouns (unless you tell him not too) while expressing love for his boyfriend

dating asahi had plenty of benefits, most importantly his ability to scare those off who were rude to you. you had come out to him a week ago, he needed some help understanding the process but soon he was very on board and understanding. now you two were eating lunch with noya and tanaka, watching a group of girls who ever now and then looked back at you to laugh and point. you’d just gotten your gender affirming hair cut the night before. you began to feel very self conscious about everything, just slowly tucking yourself into asahi who immediately realized something was wrong. “what’s up babe?” he asked watching you nod towards the group. with that he gently passed you over to noya who was very excited for the hugs he was allowed to give his close friend. needless to say asahi scared the living hell out of those girls. when all was said and done, he took you to the boys bathroom and locked the door. he simply hugged you, rubbing your back while you almost immediately cried. “it’s okay bunny..i’m sorry people can’t mind their own business-not that it’s my fault-i dunno why i apologized-sorry-i-“ he took a deep breath but his nervous rambling had made you giggle. “thank you, you giant teddy bear” you smiled leaning up to give him a nice soft kiss.

[citronsblog]

Requesting because Tumblr is a bitch and ate my last one tf.

Teruteru, Ryoma, and Mondo proposing and/or getting married to their male s/o.

If this request makes you uncomfortable please do tell me and I can send in something different!!!

×Vex ∆

Notes: YES YES YES A MONDO REQUEST. I NEED TO WRITE FOR HIM MORE 😍 (also your request don’t make me uncomfortable, Although I do prefer writing for gender neutral readers so everyone can read it I enjoy writing for guys so I can feed all of my male audience and it gives me a small challenge)

Warnings: none

Characters: Mondo Owada, Teruteru Hanamura, Ryoma Hoshi

Mondo Owada

Mondo is normally able to be calm around you, that’s one of the reasons he fell for you in the first place, but right now he was stressing.

He is deeply in love with you, his wonderful boyfriend. You guys have been together for awhile now, through the thick and thin Mondo is so grateful for you.

Back to the reason on why he is stressed. He was planing on proposing to you. He was nervous, he didn’t know how his favorite person in the world, you, would react to all of this and frankly that’s what made him scared.

Mondo got snapped out of his thoughts by the lovely sound of your voice,

“Hey Mondo? You have a second?”

“Yeah? What is it hot stuff?”

Swatting at his hand you let out a sigh and continue.

“You said we have a date tonight, I just wanted to know if I should dress up in my tux or if it’s just a casual date?”

Mondo got flustered in the thought of you in a tuxedo. He’s seen you in them before, but oh man he would be lying if he said you never looked so sexy in them.

“Mmmm- huh?! Oh Y-yeah that works.”

Chuckling at your boyfriend you give him a kiss on the forehead and walk off with a ‘thank you.’”

It was later on that evening that you two had been sat down at your table. It was a beautiful view. The restaurant was an average size, you were seated outside with a view of the town.

“Wow I- Mondo I didn’t expect this. Thank you.”

“Tch, it’s nothing really. I’m just glad you like it.”

You two spend that evening eating your delicious meals and by the time the two of you were done the moon was in the sky. There was a soft breeze and the smell of fresh air blew around you.

“Hey, S/o. One more thing before we go…”

You took your hand in his,

“Yes?”

Taking in a deep breath Mondo mustered in all of his courage and started.

“S/o, the love of my life. You have been with me through just about every bad day I’ve had. You’ve never left me no matter what and I’ve always admired and loved that about you. God, what am I doing just rambling on-? S/o, will you give me the honor of being your husband?”

Pulling out a box, Mondo opened it and revealed a black wedding ring lined with silver on the outside and eight small diamonds in the middle.

Mondo, still on one knee, started to get even more nervous as anxiety bubbled in his stomach.

“You Can say no s/o..-“

“Are you kidding me?! You are the one I want to spend my time with Mondo! I love you.”

Mondo slid the ring one your finger and lifted up your chin to give you a sweet and loving kiss.

“I love you too.”

Teruteru Hanamura

Teruteru Hanamura, the most bold, flirtatious, funny, good looking man you’ve ever met, and possibly right now the most anxious.

He seemed to be walking around while mumbling stuff to himself. He seemed anxious about too many things so you decided to step in.

“Hey, Teruteru. Are you doing ok? You look, well um, stressed.”

“Huh?! Ahh- nononono Im perfectly ok love bug don’t worry about me hun!”

Rolling your eyes at him you Pat the spot right next to you on the bed.

“C’mere.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say no, so he sat down next to you and tried to relax. You could still see how tense he was so you started to massage his back slowly.

“Hey.”

“Hi…”

“Teruteru if you need to talk I’m right here. I love you a lot and I hate to see you taking the burden if something alone.”

“Thank you, sweets. I’m so lucky to have a boyfriend like you.”

Smiling to him you nod and stand up.

“Waitwaitwait! Do you mind if we have dinner later? I’ll make it and there’s this one really beautiful spot to eat it at?”

Chuckling you nod at his slightly jumbled words and walk out the door sending him finger guns.

“I’ll be there.”

Teruteru spent the rest of the afternoon preparing your favorite meals, he even made desert for you!

He went ahead and left before you to set up the spot. He put down the softest blanket he owned. He set out each dish and before he even knew it, it was time for you to show up.

You two had an amazing time. Sharing stories, an occasional kiss on the lips, compliments here and there.

The sun was setting and Teruteru knew he had to say it sooner or later. He stood up and gently placed a kiss on your lips and grabbed your hands.

“S/o, do you mind if I speak from the heart?”

“Of course Teru, I always enjoy it when you do!”

He gave you such a gentle look and smiled.

“S/o, you were my very first boyfriend. You never said anything bad about me, in fact you laughed when I made jokes or small comments. That always made my heart race, you’ve always made my heart race. S/o this is a big question and I want you to give me an honest answer,”

Getting down on one knee he made eye contact with you. Smiling to you he continues with the heartfelt speach

“Will you marry me? You make me so happy and I thought maybe we could take everything a step further.”

“Teruteru- Of course! Are you kidding me?! I love you!”

“Sugar- I love you too. Come here.”

Let’s just say you two had a fun and eventful evening.

Ryoma Hoshi

Ryoma was acting strange today. He seemed to be checking his phone a lot, getting some calls, and even acting a bit jittery around you.

You knew something was up but you didn’t want to make him anxious about everything. Deciding to lightly ask him about the topic you head to your shared room.

“Hey, Ryoma?”

“Gh! Oh, hey. Surprised me. Hey do you mind if we go to this restaurant later on? I know it’s last minute and such but- never mind… is it ok if we can?”

Cupping his cheek you give him a grin and a peck on the cheek.

“Of course we can sweetie. I’ll go ahead and get ready?”

“Yeah… I will as well.”

Ryoma checked his phone one more time. His friends were all texting him, wishing him good luck! He was really lucky to find such a supportive group of people to hold in his life. He was especially lucky to have you. You gave him a purpose again, you helped him to keep pushing through the worst days so he can find the better ones. He absolutely loved you.

“Hey ryoma im done-“

You saw him in the mirror looking at himself with a unreadable expression.

“Hey, if your worried about how you look don’t be. Remember I chose you to be my boyfriend for a reason. I really love you ryoma.”

“I wasn’t worried but thank you I think I needed a pep talk before we leave. I’m glad to have such a strong boyfriend.”

You both arrived on a restaurant that was overlooking the town. You could see just about everything, it was wonderful.

Ryoma and you had a very fun evening basking in each other’s company and just talking about what ever comes to mind.

You saw ryoma fiddling with something so you curiously asked about it.

“Hey, what is that?”

The question clearly caught him off guard. He took in a breath and looked at you with a loving look.

“S/o you’ve given me a purpose. You have helped me through my worst and I’ve never felt…. Happier. I wish to be in your life for a long time so S/o, will you be my husband?”

You couldn’t help the grin that seemed to settle on your face. Standing up you lean in to gently kiss him.

“I would love too.”

You two were happy, Ryoma texted all of his friends about the good news.

“Hmm… S/o Hoshi… has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?”

“Heh, it does.”

Bonus! Here are the wedding rings the guys would give to you!

Mondo’s ring for you

Teruteru’s ring for you

Ryoma’s ring for you

[thechangeling]

She burns like rum on a fire

Why did I do this to myself ughhhhh?

So @adoravel-fenomeno and I were talking about Kit potentially getting into an abusive relationship given that he's statistically likely too given his roots. So now I give you this fic! Sorry. Kit is using he/him in this fic because he hasn't really gone on his gender quest yet.

The title is from Cherry Wine by Hozier. I reccomend you listen to Cherry Wine and Trauma by NF while reading this.

Cw: Mentions of physical and verbal abuse, abusive, controlling behavior, negative self talk and extreme denial. Also brief mention of blood.

2013

Don't cry.

Don't cry Kit told himself over and over inside his head as he tried to get a hold of his breathing. As he lay on his bed at 2 in the morning, desperately refreshing his conversation with Autumn.

Autumn or as his best friend Janessa liked to call her "the virus" was Kit's girlfriend. His very first. A mundane with the sight. They had been dating for a few months now. When they had first gotten together everything was amazing, it so it seemed.

They had some much in common and they had fun together. Autumn was hot, funny and charasmatic. She had this way of making him feel like the only person in the room. She showered him with gifts and complements that made Kit finally feel worthy for the first time in his life.

But as time went on things shifted. Autumn insisted on spending almost ever waking second with him. Kit didn't mind at first, he loved hanging out with her. But he missed his parents and his sister, and he knew they missed him too. Whenever they had family movie night, or they wanted Kit to watch Mina, Autumn threw a fit. She insisted that he was ignoring her.

She didn't want him seeing Janessa either, or Nessie as Kit called her for short. Autumn always insisted that she was plotting to steal Kit away from her, which was ridiculous but nothing could change Autumn's mind when she was in a mood. So Kit had found himself blowing Nessie off to hang out with Autumn and making excuses for it.

Kit always felt super guilty for making Autumn so upset. He tried to get out of his agreements if it to stop her from crying but sometimes Tessa and Jem wouldn't let him. It was frustrating when they didn't understand. She would rage for awhile, calling Kit stupid and worthless. Sometimes she would make comments about him being adopted, telling him that Tessa and Jem didn't really love him and they only saw him as a free babysitter for their real child.

She would make jokes about all kinds of things. How Kit wasn't a real shadowhunter, his weight, his past, his bisexuality, his ADHD. Kit knew that Autimn didn't really mean anything by it. It was nothing personal and she didn't really mean it. She loved him. And he loved her.

Tonight had been different though. His grades had taken a turn for the worst because he had been blowing of the tutoring sessions the school had payed for as a part of his accommodations. Because he had been spending that time with Autumn. Kit knew it was a bad idea to miss those, but his girlfriend needed him. She didn't have anybody else. She couldn't count on her parents like he could, and she didn't really have any friends.

But Kit was in big trouble. Tessa and Jem were mad. The school was mad. People were saying that Kit was ungrateful.

Ah yes because every disabled person should just bend down and kiss the feet of every person that deigns to give them what they're legally entitled to.

But Kit knew that he had really screwed up this time. He tried to explain to Autumn that he couldn't see her as often as he used to anymore because he needed to fix his grades. And she absolutely lost it. Which he had been expecting.

However what Kit hadn't been expecting this time was for her to hit him.

And she hit him hard. Punched him straight in the nose. And sure it wasn't that big of a deal. Kit was a shadowhunter and he was pretty much used to being hit. But he hadn't been expecting it.

And there was just so much blood.

Autumn of course instantly apologized profusely. She kissed him over and over and told him that she loved him and she didn't mean to. And Kit knew she was telling the truth but-

But he still felt a sinking feeling in his chest that he couldn't explain.

But Kit had applied an iratze, wiped off the blood, and now everything was as good as new. When he had arrived back home, his parents had noticed anything or asked him any questions.

Now he was lying awake at 2 in the morning, filled with guilt and worry as he waited for Autumn to text him back. He gnawed on his bottom lip anxiously as he tried not to over think things.

Maybe she was still mad at him? Was there something else Kit was supposed to say or do? Or maybe he should just leave her alone for awhile?

It was maddening.

Kit turned off his phone and threw it down in frustration, pulling his giant red and black flannel over his shoulders and curling in on himself. He felt strangely exhausted, but unable to sleep. His nose and left eye socket still throbbed a little despite the fact that they should be healed.

Kit thought about using another iratze but his steele was across the room and he couldn't bring himself to stand up to go get it.

God he really was pathetic. Maybe he deserved this. Tears welled up in Kit's eyes.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

This time Kit couldn't hold it back. So he let himself cry. Tears came streaming down his cheeks as he tried to muffle his sobs with his hand. Deep down he knew it was his fault. It was always his fault.

But with Autumn he had really tried. Sure he wasn't perfect but Kit really cared about her. And it wasn't good enough. He wasn't good enough.

Kit couldn't help but think of the last time he felt like this. The last time he was rejected. He had been careful about trying to keep all thoughts of Ty Blackthorn out of his head for awhile. Autumn was a good distraction, even when she was screaming obscenities at him. It was still a distraction.

Kit closed his eyes and conjured the memory of holding Ty up on the roof. If he squeezed his eyes tightly enough, Kit could still feel the softness of his hoodie and the slight tickle of Ty's dark hair against his skin. He could conjure the smell of Ty's skin and the way he had trembled slightly against Kit's body.

I should have kissed him. Kit mused, hugging himself tightly. Just once. Even if Ty had pushed him away in disgust, it would have been worth it. Just to know what it felt like.

Suddenly from the bottom of the bed, Kit's phone lit up with a call. He scrambled to grab it, thinking it was Autumn, but it was actually Janessa. Kit cleared his throat, trying to make his voice sound normal as he answered the phone.

"Why are you calling me at 2 am Nessie?"

"The better question is why are you still awake at 2 am," she pointed out, sounding smug. "I'm a vampire. Creature of the night remember? It's kinda prime time for me Kit Kat."

Kit smiled as he felt the previous angst wash away. "Yeah fair enough. But still, why are you calling me?"

Kit heard her sigh into the phone. "Well honestly because this is probably the only time you're free now a days," she said spitefully. "You know thanks to she-who-must-not-be-named." Kit rolled his eyes.

"That's my girlfriend you're talking about, Janessa!" He snapped.

"Well your girlfriend's a total bitch!"

Normally Kit would argue with her and tell her that she was way off base. That Autumn wasn't so bad and that she was trying. That she loved him. But today he just couldn't.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "We got into another fight tonight," he admitted. "Just a few hours ago actually."

"I'm sorry love," Janessa murmed. Nessie wasn't British. She was actually Canadian. But she had moved around the world with her previous band before settling in Devon and leaving them to go solo. She had picked up on some British expressions though.

"I wish you weren't going through this. But Kit, you gotta break up with her! She's bad news!"

Kit rested his face against the palm of his left hand. "I can't," he groaned.

Janessa let out a frustrated yell on the other end of the phone. "What the hell are you planning on doing Kit!? I mean are you just gonna wait into she hits you or what?" She spat.

"She already did," Kit responded instantly without missing a beat.

He gasped and slapped a hand to cover his mouth. Kit had no idea why he actually told her. Impulsivity maybe? Or maybe he just needed to get it out. But he instantly regretted it.

There was a long uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone. Kit was just about to ask Janessa where she went when suddenly she spoke.

"I'm coming over."

Kit tried to protest but she hung up on him.

Before he had time to panic or scream or throw something, there was an aggressive tapping on his window. Of course. Janessa had vampire speed. He looked up to see Nessie perched on his windowsill looking solem.

Her long black curly hair was pulled into a high ponytail and she wore what by her standards was probably a casual outfit. A black long sleeved low cut crop top and white ripped skinny jeans tucked into thigh high heeled leather boots. And of course, she wore a full face of makeup. Even after the facial feminization surgery she was still a little insecure about going out without makeup on.

Nessie banged on his window again, more impatiently and Kit jumped up to let her in. She landed on his bedroom floor with the grace of a cat, making no sound. She stared at him silently with an expression that Kit found hard to decipher.

"Show me where," she whispered in that deep raspy voice of hers. She reached for his face and Kit let Janessa cradle his face with her hands and tried not to wince as her cold skin came into contact with his.

He shook his head. "No you won't see it, I put an iratze on it already. It's done." Janessa scoffed and stepped back.

"You know the damage isn't just skin deep Kit," she said pointedly. "No matter how much you want to pretend it is."

He glared at her. "Wow that's so insightful Nessie!," he said sarcastically. "What else you got?"

"Oh come on Kit you know I'm right," She hissed. "You have to end it!"

Kit shook his head. Why does she keep saying that?

"No. Why should I?" Kit retorted. "She loves me." He tried to sound as confident as he could, but truthfully he wasn't so sure anymore.

Autumn had gone above and beyond to make Kit feel loved and appreciated yo the point where she was almost obsessive. But she could also be cruel and spiteful. Kit had convinced himself that he should be happy with what he had because it was as good as he was gonna get.

And the sad part was that was still true.

"No she doesn't," Janessa breathed desperately. To Kit's horror, it looked like she was about to cry. Kit couldn't remember if he had ever seen her cry. Not once.

"Somebody who really loved you could never hurt you like that!" She protested shakily, her voice warbled as tears spilled down her face.

Kit could feel his tears returning at the sight of Nessie crying. He rushed towards her and pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her neck. In the comfort of his best friend's embeace he allowed himself to finally sob. He cried for that broken niave part of himself that kept getting hurt.

She rested her chin on the top of his head, (she was taller then him,) and held him close. "Please promise me you will break up with her," Janessa begged.

"I just don't get it," Kit whispered against her skin. "I did everything right. I did everything I could." He blinked back tears. "Why doesn't she love me Nessie?"

He felt her shake against him. "I don't know Kit," she sobbed. "But I love you ok? I love you and your parents love you, and Mina loves you so much!"

Kit sighed, pulling back to wipe his tears. "I know, but what if I, you know-. What if I never find someone? Like romantically?"

Janessa studied him, raising her eyebrow. "Well do you need to find someone? Who is this arbitrary someone who can give you something a friendship can't?"

That's actually a good point.

"I mean," Nessie continued, crossing her arms and shifting her weight. "If you do end up in a relationship then cool, it's whatever. But the way I see it is you shouldn't focus all of your energy on looking because you're gonna end up missing out on some pretty cool stuff in the mean time." She smiled.

Kit thought about it. He knew logically Janessa had a point. But he just couldn't feel it. He was too depressed and defeated. And as ashamed as it made him, Kit still missed Autumn. He tried to smile along with Nessie but it must have looked weak because she looked concerned.

"Hey," she cooed, reaching for him.

"Can you sing to me Nessie?" He asked. Kit  felt a little pathetic but hopefully she wouldn't judge him.

She smiled lovingly at him. "Sure." Janessa took his hand and led him to his bed.

"Any requests?" She asked as she pulled off her boots and lay down on Kit's bed. He followed her, snuggling up against Nessie with his back to her.

"No not really," he murmered, closing his eyes. Kit was finally starting to feel how exhausted he really was.

Janessa wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, resting her head slightly against his shoulder. "Ok," she whispered very softly.

Kit heard her clear her throat softly before the sound of her breathy angelic alto filled his ears.

"I'm turning out the lights, to remember how to see. Till the renaissance takes place, Until a renaissance takes place, and resuscitates the color of paint and divinity."

Kit smiled sleepily at the sound of his enneagram song, something Janessa had introduced him to.

He yawned and let the sound of Nessie's voice lull him to sleep, putting all thoughts of Autumn behind him.

In my head Kit is like 5'4 and Janessa is 5'9. Originally I had her at 5'11 but I wanted her to be closer in height to Kit. Also did I name Kit's abusive girlfriend Autumn after my toxic controlling ex best friend? You bet I did!

Tag list: (you know the deal) @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies   @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @queenlilith43 @arangiajoan @hardlymatters @the-wckd-powers @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @adoravel-fenomeno