#i also have a hard time organizing things in a way that ill be able to remember where i put everything months later orz

[iatrophilosophos]

From a US perspective, I think a way more thoughtful and useful lens of critique is that this country did & is responding to covid in the best way that's actually possible for it-- CONTRASTS with the AIDS epidemic, lesser-known public health crises (like deadly weight loss fads!), the historical* management of + even the deeply violent eradication efforts against previously endemic diseases like TB, and the general state of non-contageous chronic illness management will lay this bare.

*within your grandparents lifetime.

This is actually the best this state, this way of LIFE, is capable of. That SHOULD piss you off, it SHOULD seem horrific.

The lens that this is an anomalous tragedy and not a massive R E L A T I V E """success"""" is contradicted by the historical record and leads nowhere. I suppose I have nothing to much to say to people who are extremely stuck on this "i have a right to never get sick ever" kind of idea, bc i think that's simply an unfeasible position to hold as a living body and betrays an unfortunate lack of thoughtfulness and regard for, uh, literally anyone with a genetic/ otherwise non-externally-aquired disability; but short of that like. There's ways of thinking about this shit that lead somewhere. There's ways of thinking about how civ is hostile to disabled beings, and causes certain kinds of disabilities certainly, while also rejecting the notion of a perfect Ur-body as a "natural state". Yever looked at a wild animal? A fucking TREE? those things are fucked up yo. To live is not to be made in the perfect image of an abled anglo-saxon God, but to be born through a chaotic and imperfect and highly variable smashing together of organic material; to get screwed up by time; to exist in an ecosystem of pathogens and physical dangers and bear their marks--NOT PASSIVELY! Not without medicine, an extremely basic activity of living beings shared by other animals, not without learning, strategizing, reducing spread; not without accommodation and aid; but these are all activities through which we *participate* in the ecosystem, not rise above it.

Yes, some diseases have been nearly eradicated, but they have been replaced by *new ones*, MRSA and other antibiotic resistant infections, covid, and so on. Open a niche and something else will grow there.

It is hard to go through, it is hard to learn to live with, but at base level it is not a tragedy to get sick. The horror, the tragedy, the injustice is a world that does not make *space* for the realities of that sickness; that doesn't support effective medicine; that doesn't allow for the neccesary reconfiguration of lives in response to sickness--where even with the prompt research and highly funded attempts at remediation that so many other people have been denied, the basic demands and structures of our ways of life result in mass death.

[puppyeared]

31!

31: are you messy or organized?

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

[emberwhite]

I spent the last 11 months working with my illustrator, Marta, to make the children's book of my dreams. We were able to get every detail just the way I wanted, and I'm very happy with the final result. She is the best person I have ever worked with, and I mean, just look at those colors!

I wanted to tell that story of anyone's who ever felt that they didn't belong anywhere. Whether you are a nerd, autistic, queer, trans, a furry, or some combination of the above, it makes for a sad and difficult life. This isn't just my story. This is our story.

I also want to say the month following the book's launch has been very stressful. I have never done this kind of book before, and I didn't know how to get the word out about it. I do have a small publishing business and a full-time job, so I figured let's put my some money into advertising this time. Indie writers will tell you great success stories they've had using Facebook ads, so I started a page and boosting my posts.

Within a first few days, I got a lot of likes and shares and even a few people who requested the book and left great reviews for me. There were also people memeing on how the boy turns into a delicious venison steak at the end of the book. It was all in good fun, though. It honestly made made laugh. Things were great, so I made more posts and increased spending.

But somehow, someway these new posts ended up on the wrong side of the platform. Soon, we saw claims of how the book was perpetuating mental illness, of how this book goes against all of basic biology and logic, and how the lgbtq agenda was corrupting our kids.

This brought out even more people to support the book, so I just let them at it and enjoyed my time reading comments after work. A few days later, then conversation moved from politics to encouraging bullying, accusing others of abusing children, and a competition to who could post the most cruel image. They were just comments, however, and after all, people were still supporting the book.

But then the trolls started organizing. Over night, I got hit with 3 one-star reviews on Amazon. My heart stopped. If your book ever falls below a certain rating, it can be removed, and blocked, and you can receive a strike on your publishing account. All that hard work was about to be deleted, and it was all my fault for posting it in the wrong place.

I panicked, pulled all my posts, and went into hiding, hoping things would die down. I reported the reviews and so did many others, but here's the thing you might have noticed across platforms like Google and Amazon. There are community guidelines that I referenced in my email, but unless people are doing something highly illegal, things are rarely ever taken down on these massive platforms. So those reviews are still there to this day. Once again, it's my fault, and I should have seen it coming.

Luckily, the harassment stopped, and the book is doing better now, at least in the US. The overall rating is still rickety in Europe, Canada, and Australia, so any reviews there help me out quite a lot. I'm currently looking for a new home to post about the book and talk about everything that went into it. I also love to talk about all things books if you ever want to chat. Maybe I'll post a selfie one day, too. Otherwise, the book is still on Amazon, and the full story and illustrations are on YouTube as well if you want to read it for free.

[girlcowboy1]

I think gen z ultimately lost the war against mental illness when they decided to adapt the older generations rhetoric of "mentally ill ppl who have noticeable symptoms are bad and evil and must be avoided at all costs, they deserve to be alone and die alone" which... most people are not saying that outright, but that IS what they're saying, whether they realize it or not, when they choose to discuss these issues based on personal concepts of morality and punishment instead of approaching it with a mix of empathy and an understanding of science, and how the brain operates.

"Having a mental illness isn't an excuse" is true to a certain extent, but I think a lot of people don't understand that to an extent, it also IS an excuse. The only reason people like to believe that it isn't in any capacity is because mental illness is an invisible disability, and if there's one thing that people love to dismiss the impact of, it's invisible disabilities. Because we can't see what's going on beneath the surface, we struggle to understand the issue, we struggle to empathize with the affected person, whom we may prefer to instead write off as being lazy or malicious, when in reality they are in pain and/or are missing an important tool that helps them function the way they'd like to.

Before getting on medication, I felt and (still sometimes feel) as though I existed behind an invisible glass that separated me from everyone else. I could not understand the point of a lot of mundane things, I couldn't relate to those around me, I felt like my existence was a mistake that should have never happened and the universe was attempting to expunge me by making my life so hard I would kill myself.

And then I got on medication, and suddenly I was able to see things that I had never seen before but had existed in front of me the whole time. I was able to be kinder to people, to be more patient, to talk myself out of bad thoughts I would previously ruminate about for days and weeks. I was able to communicate more coherently, to express my feelings in a way I couldn't before. I wanted to do things again. I wanted to dress up, look nice. I wanted to BE nice.

Of course, these are all still things I struggle with. Like with most tools for disability, medication is helpful in giving me the ability to function in a way that makes life more enjoyable— but it doesn't completely cure the issue. The point is. I tried so hard, time and time again, to change on my own. I tried taking supplements, I tried mindfulness, I tried changing the way I eat, I tried self-help videos/books. But I was a deeply depressed, deeply agitated person whose brain was not wired the way it should have been. So none of what I tried would stick. I would act out in ways I KNEW was wrong, but when you get into a certain state of mind, it's difficult to speak to yourself, to talk yourself down from doing or saying things you know you probably shouldn't. Especially when you feel so isolated from others, and struggle to see the point in anything.

It was only after medication that I made long-term improvements. It was only after my brain chemistry was physically altered in a positive way that my brain could begin to function better, and that my outward behavior improved.

How the anatomy of the brain effects a person is a crucial part of mental health that gets left out of relating discussions too often, I think, and its where I believe gen z unfortunately tends to overlap with gen x and boomers. The brain is an organ like any other, and if it is damaged, or sick, or lacking somewhere in its anatomy.... it will not function properly. The person whose body it inhabits will not function properly.

[pinkpigtailsprincess]

𝜗𝜚 ݁ ˖ Summer Glow up: creating new habits 🎀⭐️ *࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ!

Hi Dolls!! Welcome Back 2 Dollies 2 Months of Summer Glow Up !! 🎀⭐️ Today im gonna talk all about implementing brand new habits in my life !!

> Hobbies !! 🎀

> Academics !! 📒

> Beauty Care !! 🧖‍♀️

> Scheduling !! ☀️

> Taking Baby Steps !! 🛼

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Hobbies!! 🎀

…: This Summer I Plan on Taking up Some brand New Hobbies to keep my self busy and learn about brand new things bc everyday is useful!! and so i can use my time more wisely some hobbies i have in mind are…

- Yoga

- Painting

- Creative Writing

- Learning Japanese + Spanish

- Reading

- Puzzles!

- Blogging

- Learning To Code

- Doll Collecting

- Book Collecting

- Sewing + Crocheting

- Digital Art

- Piano

and obvii im already a blogger but i still added it anyways i will watching videos on how to get into these hobbies and videos on learning Spanish and more Japanese, also fun fact i’ve actually been studying Japanese sine 2021 but i stopped bc it got to hard but im starting back up!! anyways, after i watch the videos im gonna set up a financial list bc i have the fund all of these but its okay bc i can easily get money!! 🎀

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Academics !! 🎀

More Goals of mine are to raise my grades in an academic space bc i do have decent grades but i wanna aim higher and have PERFECT Grades so in turn that means i must study more and have more discipline and not so irresponsible with my time!! and i also wanna study subjects outside of school bc its always good to learn something new!! now for learning tips so far i have..

- Flash Cards

- Practice Methods

- Teaching Someone Else

- Trying to explain it to a 5 yr old

- Study a Week Before

- watch ted talks on topics

- SLEEP

- write out notes

Now i Also Have a list of subjects i want to learn about!!

- drawing facial expressions + bodies

- Sewing Stiches + How to Hem and Crochet

- How 2 Draw Bodies + Poses

- Full Anatomy 4 Both Genders

- Japanese + Spanish + French + ASL

- Color Theory

- Learning Cursive + Improving Handwriting

- Expanding Vocabulary

- Religious Cults

- Case and Law

- Poison and Toxicology

- Astronomy

- Medical Surgical Instruments

- Matriarchal Societies

- Socialism Societies

Now i definitely won’t be able to do all of this all at once bc it would definitely we too stressful so im gonna choose as least 2-3 to start with and study them and just learn! 🎀🧁

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Beauty Care !! 🐬

📧: Now I already have my regular beauty care regime skin,hair,eyebrows,eyelashes etc. but im also more focused on getting weekly treatments & weekly beauty care habits like…

- Nails

- Hair

- Eyelashes

- Face Mask

- Hand + Foot Mask

And i wanna try and find people in my city that can do this especially for nails bc i would go to the nail salon but i feel like they won’t be able to do it exactly how i want it to be !!!

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Scheduling !! ⭐️

Now That im gonna be so busy i need to make sure i also stay organized with my time so it doesn’t lead to stress so ill have my regular school classes on my regular schedule then making dedicated hours to studying Things i wanna learn about + Language Learning!

My Workouts are always early morning before school in the evening hours before i got to bed so i won’t have to worry about that affecting my academics. With my Hobbies i feel like only some of them really need scheduling so ill also make time dedicated to those as well !!!!

Beauty Maintenance will probably always be on weekends for the stuff that weekly/bi weekly like face masks,manipedis,hair etc!!

and last but definitely not least!!

❤︎ ໋𓈒 Taking Baby Steps !! ⭐️

This whole process is still all new too me so i’ll definitely only be doing a little at a time and working my way up and i get more familiar with the change in my daily life and i won’t pressure my self to complete everything extremely quickly and just take my time with everything! bye bye dolls tysm 4 keeping up with me while doing this kisses 4 all of u!!! 🎀⭐️

[d0ngmnzzz]

heyy could u please do one for leehan? have a nice day!

boynextdoor leehan mini personality analysis

(natal chart reading)

placements: libra sun, capricorn moon, scorpio mercury, virgo venus, libra mars

- unfortunately I do not have his birth time so this reading will be based on planetary signs and aspects

GENERAL

Leehan has something very interesting about his chart. 4 out of 5 of his personal planets are in their detriment or fall ! meaning these planets do not function in the proper way that it’s meant to…however, this is very fitting for him. He is an offbeat outside the box person and he tends to go against the grain than most people. He is very receptive to the needs and words of others however he may have a difficult time taking care of himself as much as he does others. He has an interests in metaphysical and maybe even supernatural aspects of the real world. He has a very set idea of order and organization. He prefers peace and passivity and to view thing with an understanding lense and has an ability to find a way to relate to others.

EMOTIONAL COMPASS

his feelings tend to go inward and he tends to be more contemplative and introspective. The moon shows how we nurture ourselves and others and with his being in capricorn he may feel a need to be responsible and to be a rock for those around him, however he may neglect himself. His moon is trine venus making him very caring and wanting to maintain peace and affection in his social groups and being very empathetic. It’s also square his libra mars…causing an innate sense of justice and passion for causes he cares about

SOCIABILITY

his sun is conjunct mercury, meaning communicating with others is easy and not a problem, he also tends to speak his mind and truth; however his mercury being in scorpio can indicate not being too talkative or preferring to speak when he deems in necessary. his mercury in scorpio he may have a tendency to probe or be nosy or seek out info that is unknown or secretive..people might also be comfortable telling him their secrets or problems. his moon trine venus and libra stellium makes him very well liked and it’s easy for him to establish positive relationships with people

GREEN FLAGS

I keep mentioning this aspect but his moon trine venus is a very auspicious placement 😭, he is easily able to cater to others needs and be there for him, and he is likely very empathetic or can understand povs of others,, he also has a deep appreciation of beauty not only in art but also in nature since both planets are in earth signs. his virgo venus makes him show his care through being able to help and fix others problems. his libra stellium shows he wants harmony in his dynamics with others and tries to be a mediator or “bigger person”

RED FLAGS

with his multiple ill planetary placements, and sun square saturn and chiron, he may be constantly aloof or be disconnected from everyone due to being out of place or not being able to fit into social cues and standards . there might also be a struggle of being overly disciplined with himself whilst also trying to expressing himself. this aloofness paired with his preference for passivity may make some people feel like he isn’t entirely present. he also might have a “holier than thou” ideology in his head and with his venus being in detriment he may have difficulty expressing affection in obvious ways.

EXTRAS

him raising fish is such….a moon in capricorn venus in virgo thing 😭 the moon shows how you nurture and venus shows how you care for others and where you find enjoyment…his moon in capricorn shows the act of being responsible and venus in virgo can be associated with being of service and purification so him being responsible and taking care of fish and routinely tidying and decorating their tank is so…YOU GET WHAT I MEAN also both placements are associated with having a hard time connecting with people so him connecting with fish !!

I have a feeling he’s either an air or water rising,,,or it would have to be a mutable or fixed sign no matter the element …I could see leehan either being very willing to adapt or also sticking to his methods and what he thinks is best

when I look at his libra mars I think about the time where taesan was mad at him and though taesan was mad and sulking leehan was just sat there “😅😬”

his pluto is square venus which can show a possible addictive personality when it comes to the things that he enjoys and finds pleasure in

[jitterbugjive]

Okay... I'll Accept Holiday Letters...

So, anyone who has followed me long enough knows by now how I get around the holidays. Seasonal depression kicks in, and bad memories of old toxic Thanksgivings and Christmases flood my brain any time I see or hear reminders of them. Plus there's some trauma from living in poverty and having very little around the holidays and the only people willing to exploit my mentally ill mother for work was the Salvation Army who basically pay pennies. And there's a whole lot more I don't like, like the cold, Christmas Carols, etc.

However.

The last couple of years I finally got to have proper family holiday get togethers since the toxic people in the family are gone now, and it was very healing for me. I still despise the holidays, don't get me wrong, they are mostly miserable for me. I generally tell people to not address the holidays with me.

But... I've been going through a LOT this year. Especially the last 6 months with my mother being manic and getting her whole life messed up. I've also been dealing with another family member experiencing psychosis on and off as well that I haven't felt comfortable talking about. The results of the election and things Oregon was voting on are not helping me feel any better, and I fear that winter depression is going to be hitting me like a truck. I can feel it creeping in already now that the weather is getting under 40F. On top of that, my family isn't in a state right now where anyone can feasibly host Thanksgiving or Christmas, so it's a bit of a lonely one this year. Sure, I have friends I can spend time with, but I was just getting used to the family dinners. Overall, this is just going to be a very hard winter for me.

And for once, I'm going to ask people to lend a bit of the Holiday Spirit (tm) my way, because I really need some pick-me ups to get through the rest of the year. Basically all I'm asking for is for people to send me letters of encouragement through my PO Box. Gifts and fan art are welcome too, I keep all my fan art safe. I'd prefer not to get flat-out christmas cards unless the cards are really nice or creative and have a lot of thought put into what's written in them. I could just really use some kind words and there's something that feels a lot more personal about physical letters that I can store away and pull out on a rainy day.

Please note I have a pea brain that can't read cursive very well, so if possible I'd prefer it be in plain print or typed out.

If you send treats they need to be shelf stable and properly sealed, no home baked goods.

My P.O. Box: (Can be addressed to Jitterbug or Jack)

16055 SW Walker Rd #274Beaverton, OR, 97006

And if anyone's feeling generous I do have an amazon wishlist that people should be able to buy and send stuff from without needing to be the middleman. I don't update it much and a lot of stuff is outdated but you should be able to organize it by priority to get a better idea of what things I'm most interested in. You can even add other stuff to the order that isn't on the list and it will still be shipped to my P.O. Box!

AMAZON WISHLIST

[asktheritochampion]

please teach me about Rito anatomy dude I’m so lost what the freak are your finger feather-wing things

Ugh. Do I look like a bioligy teacher to you? Why don't you pick up a book for once in your pathetic life?

Fine. I shall explain this exactly once - and only because clearly I am the only Rito many of you fools seem to know, and it is important that you understand in which the ways we differ to Hylians -considering the fact we shall likely be fighting side by side in future battles. You should understand the workings of your allies and the way they move and fight.

This is the anatomical structure of a Rito skeliton.

As you may see, it is not drastically different to your own. Yes, we have very long wings and fingers compared to Hylians. We also have a pelvic bone called a synsacrum, a much narrower ribcage, and our knees bend in the opposite direction to yours.

Our upper maxilla is technically not part of our skelital structure, but rather a keratin structure similar to Hylians having teeth and nails, however we still include it within structual sketches.

Rito bones are hollow, not containing the marrow that Hylian bones do. They are very brittle, however very quick to heal.

Next we have the Rito muscle and organ structure. This is where we really vary from Hylian anatomy.

Rito have large, flat wing and back muscles for flight, we also have incredbly thick muscles around our thighs. While an at-ease Hylian may be standing straight, the Rito leg muscles are elasticated at tensition and are at ease when crouching. This is to cushion landings.

We also have cresting muscles at the base of our skulls and tails, which can lift the crest or tail for intimidation or mating purposes.

Rito eyes are different to Hylian eyes. Hylian eyes vibrate very slightly so that they can constantly percive depth in their surroudings. However, Rito eyes are stationary, thus we will often bob our heads silently while watching prey or enemies to enable ourselves to correctly detect where they are. Motionless, Rito have a hard time observing things which aren't moving. However, we are able to perceive a great deal more colours than Hylians can - including ultraviolet and infrared. Rito feathers contain a huge amount more patterning than Hylians are able to see.

Our internal organs are far smaller than most races in Hyrule for the purpose of keeping us as light as possible for flight, however this does make us susceptable to a variety of diseases and illnesses.

Rito have three 'stomachs'. A gizzard, which acts similarly to a Hylian mouth, grinding up the food we swallow into a digestable paste. Often we consume small amounts of gravel with our diets to provide roughage for this organ. A regurgitation pouch, for collecting and spitting up undigestable matter like bones and fur, and for feeding infants post egg-laying. And a regular stomach for digesting the paste-food and distributing nutrients to the rest of the body.

We have one intestinal tract instead of Hylian's two - for efficiency, of course. If it's all waste anyway, why do you need to seperate it?

Rito also function similar to Zora, with a cloaca instead of external genetalia. A female Rito will have a uterus which can expand up to fifty times its size to accomidate a growing egg, while a male Rito will have internal testis which produce a mucus-sac containing semen which can be deposited from the body during reproduction. Rito are incapable of knowing whether they're male or female until adolescence when they either begin laying eggs every three or so months, or do not.

Then we get onto the Rito feathers - which is a similarly important part of our anatomy.

Rito are covered in four different types of feather. Our primaries and secondaries, needed for flight, and our base and resistance, needed for sustaining body heat and the elements.

Chicks are born with little to no feathers, then typically grow an entire body-coating of base feathers within their first week or so of life. These are incredibly thick, downy feathers that trap warmth to keep our internal structure safe from the low tempretures.

As a fledgling grows, they will start to gain their primary feathers first. A thicker, sturdier kind of feather which cover our wings and make up our tail. Fledglings can start learning to fly as soon as they have all of their primaries grown in - however they are incapable of flying more than a short distance until their secondaries start to grow, as their wings are not thick enough to hold their weight.

Tail and cresting feathers begin to grow during adolecence, as do resistance feathers, which slowly begin to replace the base feathers of your upper body with each moult. These are a sleek, waterproof feather, much sharper and thicker than a base feather, and they act as a protective, waterproof layer for weathering the elements.

Throughout our lives, Rito do not tend to grow resistance feathers in their lower regions, which remain downy and soft. While Rito can be suprisingly strong swimmers, too long in a body of water will soak these feathers and cause them to become extremely heavy, and they'll take several days to dry out.

Rito also have plumes which grow at the back of our heads - a different kind of feather all together which Hylians often mistake for hair. While these are not included within anatomical structure illustrations, our plumes play an important part in our cultural practises. We never cut them and they never moult, but rather we grow them our entire lives, and longer plumes are considered a sign of wisdom and power. Warriors often wear them braided for efficiency on the battle field, however traditionally Rito captains will style them high above their heads to display their length to intimidate opponants.

Thus ends my explanation. I hope this offered you some valuable insight so that you may better understand the biological workings of your Rito counterparts.

[astranite]

Love is Stored in the Pasta

Scott, John and pasta.

This started off from a tumblr post 'cause somebody needed to cook that guy some pasta!!

Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, really very mild scott is hangrysad, ft john's space issues, Chronic Illness, as thats what im treating it as and its not the focus here he's just living with it, Scott Tracy has ADHD, this is important, Autistic John Tracy, lowkey here but also Important to me, this is fun and fluffy and i love them, i hope this is like a warm comforting bowl of pasta to you too

---

“We need to talk,” John said.

On the other side of the call, Scott’s hologram slumped over his desk, his head landing in his hands. “Oh God.”

“I found your search history…” John began.

Scott peered out sheepishly from behind his fingers. “I can explain!”

“It’s just pages and pages of pasta?” 

John was puzzled, honestly. Five to ten recipe blogs and that was Scott trying to decide what to make for dinner during a meeting or while he was struggling to concentrate on work. During lulls between callouts, he and John would sometimes debate options together. More than forty separate sites visited at 3:12pm on a Tuesday afternoon and Eos had flagged it for John, on suspicion that Scott’s computer had been hacked by a malicious entity or some other AI virus.

Scott went from double facepalm of despair to full on faceplant, his head hitting the desk with an audible thunk.

“Why so much pasta?” John questioned. Now his curiosity was piqued, he couldn’t let it go or he’d be doing EVA work later, still turning over possibilities in his mind, which wasn’t conducive to the constant concentration needed while floating around in the vacuum. Outside, any misstep would be your last.

“I dunno. I just feel like pasta,” Scott mumbled into the wood.

Scott sounded…weird. Like he was about to start laughing, or coming down with a cold.

“Scott? Are you okay?”

It had better not be another flu; corralling Scott to take care of himself was hard enough even if he wasn’t feverish. John wouldn’t be able to come down either, quarantined up in Five unless he already had it. Was the slight tug of a headache at his temples from his sinuses beginning to clog up too?

Scott hadn’t looked up yet; his shoulders were shaking. John wiggled his fingers anxiously.

“Scotty?”

Big brother’s head shot up at the nickname John so rarely used. Had John intended to provoke that reaction? The name had been a slip of the tongue but if he was was honest, he sort of had meant to jar Scott out of his thoughts. He never called Scott, Scotty unless he was scared though. And Scott not answering him did tick tick tick up his system from yellow alert into red.

“I’m fine, it’s okay. Don’t worry about me.” Scott’s words ran over each other in an attempt to come first. His voice sounded oddly wet.

Tears, yes those were indeed tears dulled by holographic format, tumbled down Scott’s cheeks.

As soon as he saw John looking, Scott turned away.

Suddenly, John landed on the spark of insight that he had a hunch would crack the code to his big brother’s distress. “Have you eaten anything all day?”

Scott dug around for tissues in a drawer of the desk and gave a half shrug. “I guess not—not really? I tried to before you say anything. Got a mouthful of breakfast in and then there was a call out. Lunch didn’t happen, there was a meeting, I had to make coffee, I ran out of time. I don’t really feel hungry though…”

That did explain a few things. It was well known family lore that Virgil and Alan got hangry, and Gords went all sad and mopey. Scott and John himself though, they got …really, unstably emotional. 

So yeah, hence the unexpected bursting into tears. John got the whole shit interoception and not even noticing if you needed to eat while you were buried in work thing; Scott was way too used to ignoring his body too. 

John took a deep breath. “Scott, and I’m one-hundred percent serious about this, do you want me to come down there and make you some pasta?”

Thunderbird Five systems whirred around John in the quiet as Scott hesitated.

“Maybe,” he whispered. “Or you don’t have to, I’ll wait, Virge’ll be doing dinner in a bit anyway.”

“Virgil won’t be up until past sunset after the hours Thunderbird Two was out yesterday and into this morning,” John said gently. “You need to eat before then.”

Nor would an overwhelmed Scott and the kitchen be a good combination at this point, and John saw the moment Scott realised this, while fidgeting with the rubix cube on his desk. 

“I want to do this for you,” John told him.

Scott dashed at his eyes, sniffled a few times and finally capitulated. “Okay. Thanks, Jay.”

John smiled and signed off, heading for the space elevator. He was usually so far away, he was right now, but it was in his power to close off that distance when he needed to and today he could use that. 

He farewelled Eos; she so often missed him but the opportunities to run the space station on her own that weren’t emergencies where he was incapacitated excited her. They showed how much he had come to trust and rely on her. Plus she got full reign of their virtual chess set.

On Earth, Scott was waiting for him as the elevator docked, his hands stuck casually in his jeans pockets but looking as pale and wobbly as John felt. His face was still tearstained.

“Hey.”

“Hey to you too.” John took a few heavy steps before throwing himself at Scott, wrapping his arms around his brother tightly, all the while careful not to knock him off balance. Scott stiffened then melted into John. 

Usually that interaction went the other way around. 

Scott used the extra height space gave John to rest his head on him without having to duck down like with everyone else. John hugged him close and comfortingly as his fingers tap tap tapped their rhythm at Scott’s shoulder. All of it meant I love you.

“Pasta time?” John said eventually.

Scott nodded silently, following when John started off towards the kitchen. The raw rock wall of the hanger was rough and vividly solid in its three dimensions, as John ran his hand along it for balance as he walked that initial part. He was touching the Earth, he was in the Earth, he was on Earth.

With cold water from the fridge dispenser and the fizzy, brightly coloured tablets shook out of their tube, John made up lidded cups of electrolyte drink for himself and Scott. John needed to be sculling the stuff perpetually to stay upright down here, and he would not be at all surprised if Scott was dehydrated too. It might to something for John’s headache, could go either way for the nausea coming on.

He put a large pot on the heat. One advantage of having a stove so high powered that it could nuke anything it touched was that any volume of water boiled fast. 

An entire packet of fettuccine got tipped into the enthusiastic cacophony of bubbles. John poked at it with a pasta scoop, regretting that he hadn’t snapped the long pieces to actually fit in better. Ah well. 

He shook in an excessive-to-anyone-not-him amount of salt with a shrug ‘cause he needed it, before having another go at separating the pasta. The pasta scoop was quite an effective implement for that, there were reasons after all it was Gordon’s favourite utensil as John remembered from previous discussions. One could also use it to mash potatoes when held vertically, if one so pleased. His second favourite was the tongs as they could be clicked like crab claws and used to pinch unsuspecting siblings. 

Scott watched from his place slumped over the kitchen bench on a stool, chewing on the ragged skin at the edge of his thumbnail. He was trying to work on a couple of screens pulled up as holomonitors, as unsuccessfully as could be expected. John came over and hopped up to sit on the bench, clipping through the projected email inbox and meeting minutes so Scott dismissed them. It was with a sigh of relief.

They smiled tiredly at each other.

The pasta! John tapped at his uniform comms watch. “Eos, set a timer for the pasta, please?” John shaved the minute that had already passed off of the box time and then another couple to ensure it wouldn’t come out mushy.

“So what sort of stuff on pasta do you feel like? There’s a good lot of options you were looking at earlier.”

“We don’t have the ingredients for most of those, I checked. No eggs and no mushrooms so no carbonara. Technically that wouldn’t be authentic carbonara though. No cream cheese. We missed this week’s supply run so we don’t even have any frozen peas!” Scott threw his hands up in the air.

“Hmmm. You feel like something creamy?”

“Yeah. Honestly at this point I’d eat anything.”

John swung his legs and tapped his fingers on the counter while he thought.

“I believe some bacon is hiding in the bottom of the freezer so that’s something. And…” he trailed of as he moved his head too fast and set off a wave of dizziness as he looked around the kitchen.

“Avocado!” Scott exclaimed.

“Avocado?”

“Funny story, we ended up with several cases of them after that rescue on that farm where we saved the whole village and nearly all their trees from catastrophic flooding. They really need eating too and there’s only so much toast you can stand.”

“I have heard theoretically of putting avo on pasta and it does sound good. Mmmm bacon and avocado, John hummed. “Worth a shot?”

Scott reached towards the fruit bowl in answer, grinning at John. “Soon we will have pasta!”

John peeled off the upper half of his uniform and tied the arms around his waist in preparation. In the subtropical summer down here he was already getting too hot and while the temperature regulation built into his suit would do its best to make up for his own body’s lack thereof, it felt weird to have everything covered up from fingertips to neck down here while he was cooking.

Scott began to giggle.

“Huh?” John said, extremely eloquently.

Scott gestured at him. 

“My suit?” Was something up with his suit? The full gloved hands and sleeves flopping about without John in them had been known to amuse the lot of them on occasion, ever since he’d used the empty suit as a phoney decoy of himself to trick Eos. It was pretty funny now no one was in mortal peril and Eos was his friend.

“Your face!” Scott exclaimed.

“What’s wrong with my face?” 

John frowned. Was it his fringe that never could survive true gravity? He hadn’t gotten freckles while he’d been down all of half an hour and inside, had he? Then he looked down.

His t-shirt had a photograph of his face printed on it, and across the chest, emblazoned in neon orange read the words ‘Space Face’, courtesy of one particular fish brother. Ah yes. That.

John sighed, resting his chin on his hand to hide the smile he couldn’t quite control. “Not exactly subtle, is it? In my defence this was the only one in my closet that was clean and you can’t exactly see it beneath my suit. It’s all Gordon’s fault anyway!”

Scott was still laughing, albeit a touch hysterically and at him, but John took it as a win regardless.

Eventually Scott grabbed himself a cutting board and knife to get to work on the avocados as John carefully slipped off the bench, steadying himself on the counter as his ankles went noodley so he could handle the bacon. 

Bacon, bacon, now where had he seen that bacon? He had the image of it in his head, but that was only one piece of the puzzle, a photograph, humanly imperfect, memory woven out of instinct. Digging about in the deep freeze which the evidence pointed to as best John could tell had his fingers feeling like he’d stuck them out in space with out gloves on. They ached sharply as John cursed his crappy circulation. 

He gladly found the bacon though, lurking at the second darkest depths. He would not be willing to venture into the midnight zone of Unidentified Frozen Objects and charred dinner leftovers put away for ‘later’. He chucked the packet into the microwave and thawed out his hands by running them under lukewarm water, wincing all the while. If he’d thought this through, if he’d been smart enough, he would’ve put his suit gloves back on—his space rated, cold proof, most definitely impervious to domestic appliances gloves— and saved himself the pain.

Scott came over to rinse his avocado green hands. He dried them off then wrapped his arms around John’s waist so he could lean on him, giving in for a moment in face of daunting gravity. With Scott, he could because Scott got him; they both could.

“You alright?” And there was big brother smotherhen coming out.

John flexed his defrosted fingers. “I will be.” He turned and smushed his face into Scott’s neck for a little bit, hugging back, Scott rested his head on John’s, and they stayed there for a while.

They were both fading. The pasta would help with that, Scott really needed to eat and so did John at this point, the half a dry bagel for breakfast and another at lunch hadn’t really been enough. The trick now was finishing the task that felt as if it expanding faster by the second than the Universe, as measured by the Hubble Constant was. They could do this though. Together.

Scott chopped up the bacon roughly and John cooked it, hissing back when it spat hot oil at him. 

When Eos notified them the timer had gone off, and John had very scientifically tested the pasta was done by nomming on a bit, he called Scott over carry the large pot to the colander in the sink to strain. 

“Gravity plus boiling water plus my space noodley arms are probably not a good combo,” he laughed. 

He was getting better at knowing his limits. Scott’s smile was small and proud, he saw John.

Scott stared at the bacon with the intensity of a starved wolf with its mouth watering, then stole some pieces hot from the pan and burnt his mouth. Scoff Tracy strikes again. 

They dumped the pasta in a big mixing bowl with the mashed avocado, a little lemon juice, the bacon, and a whole lot of salt, pepper and parmesan cheese, mixing it together with the big pasta scoop.

John swayed on his feet then, grabbing onto Scott to stay upright for long enough to decide actually the best place for him right now was sitting on the kitchen floor just here. John folded himself down to the ground in a slithering pile of too long, too bendy limbs, Scott wordlessly guiding his descent. 

“You want me to grab some sporks to eat with?”

“They’re splayds, technically,” John remarked. He gave Scott the thumbs up anyway, while he rested his spinning head on his knees.

Scott waved about his ‘sporks’ acquired from the cutlery draw with a victorious grin before he sunk to the ground to join John.

John took one, passing the pasta to Scott once he was settled, lanky legs stretched out for miles, bumping into John’s.

“We forgot plates,” Scott said.

John shrugged. “At this point, who cares. We have pasta.”

“We do.” Scott blinked for a moment. “I didn’t before and I wouldn’t’ve but now we do.”

He hugged the warm pasta bowl to his chest, and when John observed more closely he saw the tears collecting on Scott’s eyelashes, sparkling in the kitchen light as he looked up at John.

“Thanks. I love you so much, Jay.”

John gave him a gentle smile, ducking to knock his forehead against his brother’s shoulder like a cat. “Love is stored in the pasta.”

Scott smiled back at him and they both dug in.

It was good pasta.

Really good pasta, because he was here with Scott and through everything they had made it, together.

[genderqueerdykes]

re: gallbladder stuff i'm sorry you're dealing with all that, I know you already know it's all BS, but i just wanted to share my experience with gallbladder surgery that really emphasizes how BS it is: -my surgeon didn't ask me to lose weight in order to operate even though i was also over 300lbs at the time -they treated it as an urgent surgery even though i had to get it done during COVID lockdowns -the doctor told me that it was almost certainly genetics that caused me to have gallstones, there was nothing i could have done to cause it -the doctor told me i should stick to a plain diet leading up to the surgery to reduce the chances of passing another gallstone, but told me that once you pass one stone it's not a matter of if but when you'll pass another. the only way to stop it completely is to remove the organ your doctors are treating you terribly for actually no reason and i'm sorry they're doing that to you. i wish there was a way to hold healthcare workers accountable for these things.

thank you SO much for this ask, holy shit

i'm so glad they didn't ask you to lose weight and treated it like an emergency, which it was. i'm really glad they actually treated you. nobody should have to put up with having a diseased organ stay in their body because of someone else's prejudice. i've been considering asking fatphobic doctors why they are even in the medical field to begin with if they can't wrap their heads around the fact that fat people need medical help as well, whether it's related to their fatness or not doesn't matter. many fat people WILL need some form of medical attention in their lives. why would anyone who actually cares about helping others go into medicine if they knew they couldn't handle a little bit of cellulose

also thank you for confirming that there's a genetic factor and that if it happens once, it'll happen again. that's what i was showing in my research. i mean it makes sense, it's not going to do that just once, and i have multiple stones in my gallbladder. i don't understand why multiple stones isn't cause for concern. my mother had to have her gallbladder removed as well. and i've also shown in my research that there's very little to nothing a person can do to cause themselves to develop gallstones, unlike kidney stones which can be caused by severe and repeated dehydration

thank you so much, i've felt absolutely horrible in the wake of this. it made me feel as though my pain was somehow my fault, as if it wasn't worth looking into. i don't think anyone should have to feel like that, especially when they have a diseased organ that needs removed. it was like she didn't even see it as a matter of disease and illness, but rather something completely caused by me. i could tell she thought it was my fault due to eating a "high fat diet" and not because there's a genetic factor.

the "high fat diet" affects my liver way more than my gallbladder, and even then: i do not routinely eat a high fat diet. my liver is the one who got upset when i ate a lot of high fat and processed foods while i was homeless. my gallbladder is not the one who's having a hard time with anything that i choose to do of my own volition. the organ itself is literally diseased and no amount of kale smoothies and celery could ever fix that

thank you, i really appreciate you. i'm glad you were able to get treated without pushback. i think what i'm going to do is call that office and ask to consult with one of their other surgeons to see if they all believe that, or if it's just the one surgeon i spoke to. i also want to report her for medical malpracitce because she's choosing to let me continue to get violently ill because of her own personal issues. she's allowing me to remain sick and potentially be subject to even worse things like you mentioned

again, i really appreciate the amount of support i've gotten over this. i didn't realize that i was being treated this poorly. i really appreciate you, i'm going to do whatever i can to advocate for myself so i can get this removed ASAP. i want to be able to eat regular meals again without pain or vomiting. i want to be able to sit and stand upright without severe stabbing pain in my abdomen. i want to live my life again. i appreciate you, take care of yourself, thank you for your kindness and reassurance

[herotome]

Hi! I hope you're doing well! I was wondering... how would the ROs + Daeng if you don't mind deal with MC who's having an anxiety or panic attack? I'm pretty reluctant to reveal that part of me to others bc the ppl around who don't really take that stuff seriously or just see it as a nuisance. I can usually calm down on my own, but it's hard sometimes. I hope the cast are more kind about those sorts of things...? Thanks for such an amazing VN btw!

Aw man, me too. I still remember the first time I really sat down with my mom and discussed my anxiety with her and explaining how getting on medication was helpful. I knew that if I told her when I was younger, she wouldn't have taken it seriously or just hoped it would go away on its own somehow -- it was really up to me to pursue treatment as an adult.

Invisible illnesses can be difficult for others to imagine and understand. It was a little... "easier" for my mom to understand when she saw firsthand before & after of my panic attacks vs management via medication; it sucks that that's what she needed to really be empathetic, but that's how people are sometimes.

Anyway.

Warden: I don't think he'd know what to do...! Deer in the headlights. If MC can muster up the strength to ask him to fetch something, he'll provide it in a heartbeat. Or heck, best case scenario, give him a list of what he can do next time lollll. He wouldn't understand at all, but he'd be caring and want to help.

Griffin: Has a better understanding of anxiety and is interested in discussing preventative measures; how can she ensure MC is able to minimize situations that panic attacks? He'll find all the ways. Healthcare, therapy, all of it will be researched and organized for MC if MC permits it. Griffin will happily make all the phonecalls, too.

Mia: lol she kinda panics in tandem. Er, sympathy panic? Like how someone might experience the same symptoms when their partner is pregnant. 😂😂😂 She'd be Very Worried and checking on MC for the rest of the day, even well afterwards. Particularly loving and coddly once the panic attack has passed.

Dart: He will offer a hug and a calm conversation about how MC is feeling. (It's very nice.)

Jade: As someone with anxiety also, she knows all the anxiety hacks. Want to bite into a lemon? Do breathing exercises together (like in the game)?? Or do a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique?? She'll find something that works for you.

Daeng: ????????? What do you want from HIM??? Hahaha.... I guess he'll awkwardly fan MC with his hand and ask if MC wants water or something.. And will remind MC that MC still has to pay rent..

Best he can do is to offer to get "the furball" Katie for MC to hold, but it's unlikely he'll think of it.

[k0dster]

OK question, who is everyone personal favorite, well written, mentally ill character?

Bc to this day nobody has topped Lucas Baker for me. I was kind of thinking about this Re7 au I had with an old friend today and started thinking about him again. Capcom has always done such a wonderful job with writing their characters, but something about Lucas makes me think about him every once in awhile.

It's hard to explain in words but the way he was written is just so scary. Not because he's got a bunch of molded henchmen and that creepy barn, but because he's so unpredictable and yet so smart and tactical. The kids a genius and shows it all throughout the game and his DLC, but he's also probably got some form of severe schizophrenia that has clearly gone untreated for near his whole life. He's incredibly smart and resourceful though - as in most cases - is limited by his mental illness.

The whole thing was a clear episode and I almost wanna pressume it happened before the doctors visit. Though that isn't really the point, I think alot of his issues stem from Jack. Not because he's ill too, but because he doesn't take it seriously. I live in the south myself and the stigma around men and their mental health here is so awful I don't even wanna start to imagine what it would do to a kid with schizophrenia who's dad choses to ignore it. I personally think Lucas would have grown up to be alot better of a person, hell, he might not have been in the house he was so well off if Jack had taken the time to acknowledge him. From just the look of the house and the way he acts in the daughter's (?? Sorry i seriously haven't played this game in almost a year) DLC really gives me that 'man of the house' 'men don't have feelings' kinda feel. I can only assume, the only other people in their home being women, that Jack really tried to drill that mentality into Lucas and completely glanced over Marguerites worries about him.

I almost feel bad for him. He's smart, talented, "gifted" if you must, though clearly limited by who I'm guessing to be Jack. There's a whole little story in game that really stuck out to me, when you're in Lucas's old room looking through his old journal entries he writes about Marguerite taking him for what I assumed was probably an MRI or maybe a CT scan of his head showing she clearly thought something was wrong with him. In an entry pretty close to that one he talks about his friend, Oliver, who keeps messing with him so he locks him in the attic. He talks about how he could hear him banging and screaming for help for about a day before he stopped and was eventually presumed dead to Lucas after he started to be able to smell his corpse. (I actually feel as crazy as him rn I can't find it but ik somewhere there's a document talking about how bad the smell was to him. I almost wanna say he talked about something dripping from the attic too on the same page but idk maybe i made that up)

EDIT: after 18 million years I found it so I was in fact not just loosing my mind

"Untreated schizophrenia can cause severe problems that affect many areas of life. It can disrupt how the brain works, interfering with thoughts, memory, senses, and behaviors. This can lead to difficulties in daily life, such as trouble organizing thoughts and behaving in ways that increase the risk of injury or illness." Which would explain Lucas's entire character during the game- minus the mold.

Ik this isnt my usual posting and an absolute yap fest but I seriously needed to talk about him again. He's so well written it makes me wanna foam at the mouth.

[avpdvoidspace]

Since you've mentioned a couple of times having comorbid OCPD, would you mind explaining more about the effect that disorder has on you? Out of every PD, it's the one I never find people talking about. Due to that, and the diagnostic criteria itself being (as ever) exasperatingly superficial and vague, It's hard to know where to even look for information about it..!

Sure. I agree that it's very difficult to find information about ocpd online. I guess I could categorize my experience with ocpd into three categories: things that are absolutely recognized symptoms of ocpd, things that overlap with other obsessive compulsive spectrum disorders (like things more traditionally thought of as OCD symptoms), and things that I have to assume come from ocpd because they seem to but I don't know if they're universal because I don't see other people talking about having ocpd. So in terms of things that are definitely ocpd experiences: I really don't feel safe or comfortable in situations I don't have at least some control over. I need to control my space, my food, who is around me, etc to feel safe. This also applies to my time and schedule. I get very agitated when it's interrupted, even if I don't show it. I tend to plan my day's activities pretty rigidly and it stresses me out when I'm not able to follow through. I also have very rigid ways I like to do things, and it stresses me out if I have to do something with someone else's method or if someone in my apartment does something differently to how I would do it, especially things like eating without washing hands first, not taking shoes off before coming in, etc. I try to keep this kind of thing in check because I don't want to be controlling or obnoxious, but it causes me a lot of stress internally. This has been very difficult when I've had a job and I'm being told to do things a particular way but it's not MY way. It's also difficult when I'm intentionally trying to push myself to try a different method for, say, drawing something. Even though I'm making the choice, I'm breaking my method and it feels extremely Wrong. The next category is overlap with other obsessive compulsive spectrum disorders. I definitely get intrusive thoughts and the anxiety inducing spiral of 'something bad will happen if I don't have the tv volume set to an odd number' and 'I feel compelled to make sure my foot touches to the floor in a very certain way right now for Reasons'. I also have health anxiety that gets worse if I try to engage in reassurance seeking behavior (but this only started after I got diagnosed with a chronic illness, so it could be a combination of ocpd and trauma). But you can apply the mechanics of health anxiety to other things that pop into my head to frighten me with no basis in reality that start the reassurance seeking/me becoming more convinced the terrible thing is true cycle. Then the third category, which is random things I think are ocpd but who knows because there aren't a lot of other people out there talking about their personal experiences with it: I like recording things. Every day, I write the weather conditions down in a notebook. I also have very rigid records of my drawing time and draw with a stopwatch going to make sure I'm keeping track and write everything in a notepad++ file like so

I get extremely stressed out if anything gets in the way of this process! You could say my life kind of revolves around this actually. I've actually drawn at least an hour a day for about a decade (knock on wood...), and I track it every day. In general, I have a lot of fun creating methods and systems to follow rigidly. It's like a game even. Maybe why I like playing games with a lot of organization/time management... Love giving myself a list of tasks and completing them. Speaking of games, I love Pokemon Legends Arceus because it is essentially a checklist simulator. Also, I experience something similar to special interests but maybe not exactly the same. I wouldn't say hyperfixations either because they're not fleeting. They're very enduring. I wish I could explain more about how they're unique from either special interests (in the autistic meaning of the phrase) and hyperfixations (like with ADHD), but it's kind of hard to explain without feeling like I'm explaining it poorly. And last, something that could go in either this category or the second because it's something I've heard people diagnosed with OCD talk about experiencing is I have a weird thing with my memory where my visual/auditory memory are weirdly strongly connected. So if I'm listening to something while drawing, if I listen to it again, I can 'see' what I was drawing at the time. If I look at the drawing, I'll remember the part of the audiobook or whatever I was listening to. It's to the point that if I was listening to an audiobook while playing a certain video game, hearing the audiobook again will make me crave playing the video game really intensely! It's like I can see exactly where I was in the game as if I was playing it right now. Anyway, I hope that was helpful. I tried to include everything I could think of. My life is very rigid, but I guess if there's one more thing I could say about that, it's that the rigidity excites me and feels like it lights up my brain with feel-good chemicals. I think having ocpd is like a combination of extreme anxiety and the ability to create fun engaging activities all by myself and with very few resources.

[cannoliparty]

jadekat & why i love it

jadekats this really interesting homestuck pairing to me! i feel like its because both jade & karkat are cool characters on their own, but their great strengths come with great flaws, and their dynamic balances out these flaws so well. it's a strangely underrated pairing too, considering jade is probably the character karkat most obviously flushes for in the comic, next to terezi. ill be explaining why i think this bond is so overlooked.

jade has a variety of strengths. as a witch of space, it makes sense. space is on a more grand level of intuition and clear knowledge on a vast amount of things, leading to space players sometimes not being able to explain the way things are in detail. this vastness also comes with a "wait-and-see" approach, as space is always growing organically, like an organism/plant. as a witch, jade followed through completing time loops with eagerness and a loss of wanting to know exactly why these loops must be fulfilled, simply believing things like fate knew what they were doing, and everything would come into order. shes also very well-versed in science, rifles, childhood cartoons, plants... she does everything she possibly can with the space around her, manipulating it (therefore "manipulating space") to her own will!

on a more characteristic standpoint, jade is socially isolated. shes nice to everyone she comes across (until theyre mean) but she has isolation problems. living on an island alone has made her used to having things done in her own methodical and scientific way, simply because thats the way she believes in. shes at a loss when it comes to chaotic, unorderly things like karkat's memos with his future/past selves! she just doesnt know how to handle it because she's only known how to be in tune with her own thoughts & feelings.

karkat is well-versed in the way relationships are supposed to go. he's watched an abundance of rom-coms and dealed with all his friends as a leader. it makes sense why he's so good at knowing how others feel and how to care for them. the problem is that he doesn't know how to outwardly express his own feelings or care at all. he doesn't know how to approach terezi without fighting with her, but still constantly pesters these people he likes with his angry, nonsensical ways.

when jade and karkat interact in the comic, it's confusing at first. karkat is constantly pestering jade at random intervals of time, and this ruins her ordered way of working around stuff. she develops these "conversation passwords", an intuitive way of staying on the same time track with the trolls. karkat is obviously angered by jade's action, but after realizing jade won't budge about it he goes along with it. in openbound, it's even revealed he used one of these conversation keys as a password for his own memories in a dream bubble!

in the memos with karkat's multiple selves, jade learns not everything can always be so orderly and clear, and this is very hard for her to stomach. she wants to quit dealing with it, but karkat's stubborness makes her deal with these messy, personal feelings.

in summary, jadekat's this great, balanced dynamic. jade teaches karkat to be more open and true to himself and his own feelings, while also getting him out of trouble with ridiculous things like future selves and all-over-the-time-loop conversations with clear solutions to get him back into the big picture. karkat teaches jade to consider the smaller details and how the more orderly paths can't constantly be taken to solve something.

this is all i have right now, i hope it makes sense!! i tried not to connect this to a lot of classpecting cuz i feel like jadekat's mainly about focusing on the very feelings of the characters (whether clear or messy) instead of just connecting them to a grander thing. lmk if u have any thoughts on jadekat or just jade/karkat in general ^_^!!

[invitationtoher]

You're in my Way, Cage. | Chapter 1: Kitana

Masterlist

Summery: Kitana Edenia, smart, beautiful, and stressed. With dreams of becoming a doctor due to her sister, Mileena, having a major case of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). Throughout her entire school life she's been focused on her goal of getting into the very same college that her mother and father went to and fell in love at, Mortal Kampus University (MKU), an ivy league school where the only people are intelligent as they are talented. Kitana vows to make her mother proud with no distractions, at least that was the plan until she met an obnoxious dirty blonde in her English Class.

Jonathan Carlton? No, he's Johnny Cage! Hollywood's next big star! He may not act as smart as he actually is, but he shines when it comes to entertainment, if it's on the screen or behind the scenes Johnny can do it all, thanks to the Carlton family being in the film industry for generations. Thanks to his parents money and his acting and martial arts talents (as well as writing), he got a scholarship to MKU's theater department! He knows MKU will be a good time, it's his chance to make his own name. When he sees a pretty girl in his English class whose walls seem unbreakable, he vows to break down those walls and see the real her by showing her a film.

            I always knew I was going to get into an ivy league school. My father always told me and my sister that we were born to make the world a better place, and that if he could become a governor, we could too- hell, possibly even more. So, when I got my acceptance letter to MKU, I just showed it to my parents and let them do the celebrating for me. My sister, Mileena, was also incredibly happy for me, since she is not able to attend a physical campus due to her illness.

            “I swear, you’re like a robot!” Mileena teased at my nonchalant response of getting into one of the best schools in the country, I smiled and rolled my eyes at her teasing. Of course I was excited, just not as excited as everyone else since I knew it would happen. It sounds super cocky, I know, but I was a firm believer in working hard to get what you wanted, and I worked damn hard to get into MKU. It’s like MKU was the only thing on my mind, I was volunteering constantly, I was taking college classes at a local community college, I was working jobs, joining clubs, job shadowing, and making connections within the already busy schedule of a high school student that was also attending a technical school to get a head start on their career. Although, I wanted to follow my father’s footsteps to a T, and that is exactly what I did with a different goal in mind.

            “Oh, Kitana, we’re so proud of you!” My father exclaimed with his phone in hand in front of the house, I could hear him trying to hold back his tears as Mileena teased him about it causing playful bickering as my mother fixes my hair. I scrunch my nose in slight annoyance as she messes with my long, black locks that were in my usual half-up half-down hairstyle. Although I know there was nothing wrong with my hair (and she knew it too), I would be a fool to protest my mother. When she stepped back, squinting her eyes a little to see if she missed any of the “imperfections” of my hair.

            “Smile, Ki!” My father said, on instinct I smiled brightly, the way I did during school pictures. I tried my best not to squint at the flash of my father’s phone, the bright lights blinding me in the still dark sky. He lowered his phone once he finally got a picture he was satisfied with, I blinked rapidly to get rid of the little black dots that scattered across my vision as Mileena quickly walked over to me and squeezed me into a tight hug.

            “Kick ass today, Kitana.” She whispered into my ear so mother would not hear her, a small giggle escaped my lips as I hugged her back and nodded my head, my smile dropping into its usual neutral position.

            “I will, if you need anything at all, call me.”

            “I’ll be okay, it’s a good spoon day.” She replied, I let out a small sigh of relief while she pulled away from the hug, her eyes looking into mine. “Good luck on your first day.”

            “You too, Mileena.” I say as I adjust my black puffer bag on my shoulder, I walk over to my father and hugged him tightly. The hug was bittersweet, my father had a trip to Washington D.C. for work, meaning that I have no idea when I’ll get to see him again. We were slow to pull away from each other, I gave him a melancholic smile and a small nod.

            “Good luck, father.” I said, he nodded back at me as he cleared his throat, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he did so.

            “Good luck, daughter.” I let out a small laugh at his lame attempt to mock my formalities, he wiped his eyes before leaving me and walking over to Mileena to give her a goodbye hug. My smile slowly flattened as I walked up to my mother, preparing myself for her advice.

            My mother was one of the smartest people I know, Sindel Edenia- who also went to MKU like my father, though she majored in law- is everything I wanted to be: strong, intelligent, intimidating, the list could go on. Although she is kind to me and my sister, she is also very intimidating, never putting the lawyer’s act away. She’s blunt, and she could pick you a part layer by layer like a cat with a dead mouse, she’d gut you until she got the truth.

            “Kitana, I expect you to do your best.” She said, folding her arms across her chest and pulling her purple knitted cardigan close to keep herself warm from the chilliness of late August. I bit my bottom lip gently, tasting my strawberry flavored Glossier lip balm.

            “Of course, mother, I worked too hard to disappoint.” My response earns me a small smile from my mother, she hesitantly opens her arms wide and steps forward. She hugs me, not as tightly as father or Mileena, but enough to where I can smell her elegant perfume that had the comforting smell of vanilla and jasmine. My body tenses up a bit, but I eventually hugged her back, it’s very rare that I receive hugs from my mother after 6th grade. She only hugs us for special occasions or for family photos.

            “Don’t go messing around with those foolish college boys either, you’re too smart for that.” She whispers in my ear as she runs her hand through my hair. I nod my head again, a small, shaky sigh escaping my lips.

            “Of course, mother.” I say as we pulled away from each other, I give everyone a final wave before walking to my car, pulling my keys out of my bag and fiddling with the little blue fan keychain on it that I got from my grandparents when we visited them in Taiwan. My mother’s words echoed through my head as I get into the driver’s seat of my blue 2019 Chevy Malibu, I placed my bag on the passenger’s seat before pressing the push to start button and buckling myself up. I hooked up the Bluetooth to my phone and put on my playlist before I backed out of the driveway and made my way to school.

            I never had a boyfriend before, I thought I was way too good for the boys in my grade- thanks to my mother putting that idea into my head- of course I had crushes, everyone has crushes. But I would never act on them, I felt like I would’ve disappointed my mother with my choice in men. She expected Mileena and I to get with men with a financially stable job, one that can take care of us and our children; however, I feel like Mileena has already found that person. As for me, it sounded nice, it sounded like something I should be striving for- but it just felt… off in a way. I can’t really explain it to myself, maybe it’s me being jealous of my own suspicions of Mileena finding someone to love just by her blushing and giggling at her phone screen as she typed in rapid fire speeds. I guess I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.

            The college was roughly a twenty-minute drive from my home, it’s not a bad drive except if I’m driving behind someone who doesn’t know that you don’t have to go under the speed limit. I was lucky since it seemed that people were in a rush this morning, guess I’m not the only one who didn’t want to dorm and were close enough to commute.

            I was lucky enough to get a parking spot close to the technology building, I only had four classes today and my first one was Intro to computers, then Chemistry, then Microbiology, and then finally English. It didn’t seem like a bad first day, I’d keep my head low, do my work, and then I should be out in no time, nothing’s going to distract me from getting what was barely in reach now.

I worked too hard to let anyone get in my way, and I won’t let anyone get in my way.

© invitationtoher 2024