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borathae · 1 month ago

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↳ Index [Day 12 - Sensory Play]

Pairing: Soft Dom!Yoongi x sub f.!Reader

Genre: established relationship!AU, second chance!AU, Gangster!AU

Kinks: romantic love making, morning sex, somnophilia, he wakes her with oral sex, multiple orgasms (f.receiving), hair pulling (m.receiving), biting (m.receiving), finger sucking (f.giving), body worship, sensory deprivation with a sleeping mask, praise kink, good girl kink, sensory play, knife play, wax play, but nothing of it hurts her, use of a vibrator, orgasm control & edging, subby girl tears, lots of begging, he is so gentle and loving with her, penetrative vaginal sex in missionary, hand holding, choking (f.receiving), loving dirty talk, creampie, strength kink, protective!Yoongi, she feels so safe being his sub, loving aftercare, some plot: mentions of past struggles with sex because of bad mental health, mentions of corrupt police work, the character growth we all wanted from Yoongs

Wordcount: 5.4k

a/n: all you had to say was say gangster!yoongi and vanilla sex and I KNEW I had to give you the sequel to TCOFU about their mountain holiday. like! do we all get her now and why she couldn’t leave him? like he is really that man omfg oh lord

Yoongi regrets a lot in his life. Quite frankly, he regrets most of his life. He regrets the choices he made and the consequences they bore. He regrets the people he killed because he couldn’t save them and regrets the people he killed because he was reckless. He regrets the hearts he broke and the dreams he crushed. He was a good person once, someone with ambitions and dreams. He was someone who wanted to change the world for the better and he truly thought that he could. And then reality woke him and turned him from a dreaming boy to a hopeless man.

Yoongi still remembers the breaking point. The true, actual breaking point. He remembers what lunch he had that day. Bibimbap with sausages because you ran out of beef the day before. Yoongi loved eating it, but soon felt it sit in his stomach heavily. Yoongi remembers what he wore that day. His uniform with his favourite pair of socks, which he couldn’t look at after that day. Yoongi also remembers that he cried on the toilet that day because that day was the moment he felt helpless for the first time. A crime happened in his precinct, but the criminal was never punished because it was his boss. His former captain, who was caught with pornographic images of non-consenting women on his hard drive. It was swiped under the rug because he was friends with a politician in a rather high position, who just so happened to know some vultures which called themselves reporters from the press. The women were never allowed justice and the captain ended up working for another three years. Yoongi woke up that day and then began making decisions which were so right at first before he was blinded by the power they brought him.

He became a cop who lived two lives. By day he tried to serve the law and by night he disobeyed it for the sake of helping those who were forgotten by it. It was honourable at first but then he became greedy and the decisions he began making were regretful.

Yoongi regrets a lot of the things he did. He regrets the choices he made, the choices he didn’t make and most of all, he regrets how he treated the person he loved most.

You.

He regrets most how he treated you.

He became cold, distant and took your affection for granted.

He regrets it. He really does. You have always been the person most important to him and yet he treated you like shit. When you broke up with him, he expected it but never welcomed it. He knew he needed to change for your sake. For his woman and his love. He never thought that you would take him back, but you did and he swore to himself to make you not regret it.

Yoongi woke before you from the thunderstorm outside. The thunder ripped him awake, making him think for just a moment that he was in danger until he remembered where he was. In the mountains with you far away from the cursed city with its disgusting people.

You wanted to leave it behind and he wanted to make it possible. He knew that you were struggling for quite awhile now. He also knows that it was mostly his fault and regrets it so deeply that it hurts, but he also knows that the city was at fault. It is dirty and corrupt and filled with suffering. You always had a good heart and an empathetic soul and this city ruined you. Yoongi thought that he could fix it for you, he hoped that he could, but he sometimes thinks that he only made it worse. You said so yourself. He fucked it up, just as much as he fucked you up. Yoongi truly regrets a lot in his life.

Thunder cuts through the silence. You flinch in your sleep, instinctively drawing closer to him. Yoongi shushes you quietly, brushing his hand over your head in soothing. Your body instantly relaxes, a content sound leaves you in a sleepy sigh. Yoongi feels happy witnessing it.

He thinks that he might have finally done something right with this holiday. Yesterday he watched you take a deep breath and relax your shoulders afterwards. You haven’t done this in so long. The day before that, you ate two portions of lunch because you finally had an appetite again. In the car on your way to the mountains, there was a moment where you talked about how beautiful the landscape was. And right now, you are smiling in your sleep as he pets your hair slowly. You are starting to feel like the woman he fell in love with all these years ago. Not burdened by the suffering of others, not suffocated by the toxic fumes of the city, not shackled by your own thoughts. You feel like you and you look happy.

You look really happy.

Yoongi traces your eyebrows, heart taking each beat just so he could gaze at you for longer. You are the very reason he breathes. From the very first moment he loved you, he knew that he would do anything for you. He would set the whole world on fire for you. Even kill and he has done so in the past. The scar running down his face will be a visual reminder of it for the rest of his life. On most days, he hates looking at it because he feels ugly with it, but on some days he remembers that if he wasn’t carrying this scar right now, you would have to run around with the memory of being violated by cruel monsters which call themselves men. He stops hating the scar then and swears that he would do it again. He would take a knife to the face over and over again if it meant that you will always be safe. He took this oath years ago and swears to never break it.

Another thunder cuts through the silence as if God Herself was whipping the sky. You flinch awake from it, taking a deep gasp of fear. Your eyes show your feelings.

“Hush, it’s okay. It’s just thunder”, Yoongi whispers, cradling your cheek.

Your fearful eyes lock with his’. Your voice doesn’t want to come out as your lips form his name.

“It’s okay. You’re safe”, he promises and kisses your forehead.

You exhale deeply, touching his chest. His skin practically comes alive where you touch him. You are so warm from sleep.

You crane your neck so you are looking up into his eyes. Thunder and lightning. You don’t flinch anymore, instead, your lips curl into a toothless smile.

Yoongi retorts it, brushing his thumb under your eye.

“I’ve been awake for a while. The storm woke me. I thought someone was trying to fucking shoot me.”

You agree with a knowing snicker and a nod of your head. He chuckles with you.

“I watched you sleep.” He traces the slope of your nose, forcing your eyelids to grow heavy. “You smiled in your sleep.”

“It’s because I’m happy”, you get out and shiver with your entire body, “Yoongi, I feel comfortable”, you confess, cuddling into his chest.

Yoongi hugs you, kissing the crown of your head and closing his eyes. Comfortable might be a normal state to most people, but you haven’t felt like this in too long. Yoongi cherishes your confession deeply.

He begins running his fingertips up and down your back. It draws you closer to him and for your happy purr to meet his ears.

“Do you like this?” he asks you in a barely there whisper.

You nod your head, humming your answer. He answers you in a hum as well, continuing his touches.

You fall back to sleep like this, cradled in his strong arms and against his safe chest as he pets you slowly. The rain and thunder lull you back to sleep as well, now that you know that nothing can hurt you. You are with him and he will always keep you safe.

You don’t quite know how much time passed, but it must have been enough for the thunderstorm to stop. Only rainfall can be heard now. But that isn’t what wakes you. No. Warm, slick pleasure between your legs does.

“Ah”, you get out, sleepily arching your back and reaching down to see what is making you feel so good. Your legs close around a head, your fingers meet bundles of soft hair.

Strong hands touch your inner thighs and push your legs apart again. The warm, slick pleasure stops in a sucking sensation. Lips against your inner thigh, teeth in soft bites as well. Sucks and licks and kisses.

“Good morning, beautiful”, Yoongi rasps between his kisses, “don’t let me wake you, just relax”, he breathes and connects his eager mouth with your pussy again. He sucks and licks, moaning softly each time your clit is between his pouty lips.

It feels so good that you can’t help but whimper. He is so warm and soft. Judging from how wet you are, he has been doing this for quite a while. That explains why your dreams started to become so sinful.

You are delirious from sleep, both numb and sensitive, so what he is currently doing is a lot. You can’t talk yet because you are too tired, making a small sound and twisting his hair. You do it so weakly that Yoongi barely feels it.

He smiles and tongue kisses your clit with his eyes closed in bliss. You are especially precious when you are sleepy. You get so weak and quiet despite trying to be so strong and loud. Yoongi swears he would do unspeakable things to anyone who dared to disturb you in this state. His protectiveness almost makes him feral.

But he doesn’t let the feralness consume him. No. He runs his big, strong hands to your waist and places a protective touch on the softest part. Your skin dimples where his fingertips lie. Yoongi knows the meaning of to have and to hold when he can hold you like this, when he can have you like this.

Your weak body writhes helplessly, your throat produces a small sound. Yoongi soothes you by rubbing your waist and purring around your clit.

“Oh my god”, you get out in a breathy whisper and whimper, legs closing around his head in a quick twitch and body convulsing in the sudden high his purrs drag out of you.

Yoongi moans, wrapping his muscular arms around your tensing legs and moving his hot tongue on your clit eagerly. Your noises are heaven to him. So sweet, so cute, so perfect. He loves nothing more than making you feel good.

You sob softly, overwhelmed by what he makes you feel. You aren’t even properly awake yet to take in the sensations and now he has you orgasming. It feels like too much and yet so good.

He expected you to orgasm quickly, but not that quickly. He is delirious, rutting the sheets with his aching cock as his tongue makes sweet love to your pussy. This is heaven to him. True heaven.

“Sto…stop”, you breathe out after your high turns into overstimulation. “Plea..stop…”

Yoongi listens to your begs, kissing a path up your naked body. It wasn’t always naked but he undressed you so he could gaze at you and worship every inch of you. He missed you a lot in the three months you and he were separated. He needs to truly appreciate every second with you and memorise it so it will always stay with him.

He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, kissing your tender skin slowly. Like this, his hard cock rubs against your thigh. He is naked as well because he wanted to share the state with you. Perhaps there is even a chance that he spent a good ten minutes holding you as you slumbered so his skin could finally feel you again.

You sigh and chase him. Yoongi understands, giving you what you crave so deeply. A kiss. A slow, deliberate tongue kiss where each second counts and each movement is filled with emotion.

You shiver, burying your hands deep in his soft hair and making him shiver with it. You and he draw closer, skins touching and lips moving with so much more passion. This is the first time you and he have sex here.

Yoongi has been wanting, craving, you ever since this holiday started, but he knew not to pressure you. You seemed drained and in need of healing. He wanted to give you time to do so. He held back, but he can’t hold back anymore.

The way you kiss him, lets him know that you don’t want to hold back either. You bury your fingers deeper in his dark hair, making him purr contently.

Yoongi has the thickest and healthiest hair ever. It is dark black, except for when the sunlight hits it and turns it a warm dark chocolate brown. He wears it slicked back on most days because he wants to look his best as police captain. When he is with you like this however, tangled in the sheets with your bodies still warm from sleep, his hair is unstyled. It is messy and it is soft from the lack of product. It hangs into his face or gets ruffled when you play with it just right. You could honestly write songs about his morning hair.

You break the kiss to look at him in his pretty state. You open your eyes. Darkness. A nervous sound leaves you, fingers coming up to touch your eyes. Soft fabric. How peculiar.

“Don’t be scared. It’s just an eye mask. To heighten your senses”, Yoongi assures you, tracing it gently and with it, ridding you of your fear. “Do you want me to take it off?”

“No.”

You drop your hands again, sighing his name. He kisses your neck, talking to you like this. He rests his hands on your wrists, long fingers stretching along your palms. There is no pressure involved, neither strength, and yet you still feel so claimed. In a good way of course.

“I want more of you”, he purrs, running his thumbs up and down your tender wrists.

You whimper and squirm, legs opening.

“But don’t worry, I know you’re not ready yet. Let’s play a game.”

“A game?" you talk in the kind of voice you only possess when you are in subspace. It is soft and a little higher in pitch and brings out Yoongi’s desire to protect.

“Yes a fun game. You’ll like it.”

“Please.”

Yoongi begins kissing your face as he talks. It feels so good to receive. Everything he does and did to you feels so good. This is what you needed from him for months.

“Okay so, next to us are five things. My necklace, my knife, a candle, your makeup brush and a leaf. You have to guess with which of the things I’m touching you. How does that sound?”

“Fun. Really fun.”

“Yes?”

You nod your head, putting your hands above your head in a submissive squirm. Yoongi smiles, heart skipping a beat in giddiness. He would do anything for you. He really would.

“I knew that you would like it. Any of the things you don’t want me to touch you with? I guess most are soft, except the knife and wax. I won’t cut you and the wax will be hot, but not painful. Is it okay for you?”

“Yes, really okay.” you writhe and sigh, parting your legs for nothing in particular.

“Good, that’s good. You can stop this anytime you need to. Your voice matters, sweetest. Your safety does as well.”

You whimper in emotion, healing from deep wounds. This is exactly what you needed from Yoongi. This kind of care and love and safety. You were so scared that giving him another chance will end in your heartbreak, but instead he is proving to you how honest he was in his promises to change.

“You’re important to me”, he kisses your cheek, “you’re so fucking important.”

“Yoongi”, your voice trembles as it leaves you.

“Mhm, my sweet girl.” He kisses your ear softly and straightens up. He rubs his hands up and down your stomach gently. “Ready for the first item?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be scared to guess wrong. There won’t be punishments, just rewards.”

“Rewards?”

“Mhm, guess correctly and you’ll find out.”

“Okay”, you sigh.

Yoongi climbs off your lap. You listen with bated breath. The sheets ruffle as he gets comfortable. Then sudden silence which he breaks in a soft rasp.

“Ready?”

You nod your head.

“Use your voice, sweetest.”

“Yes, I’m ready”, you whisper cutely, sending his heart into overdrive.

With a racing pulse, he lowers the brush to your collarbone.

“Oh”, you gasp with the first touch, chasing it.

Yoongi lets your skin soak up the feelings, guiding the brush up to your shoulder and down your arm. He dances it over your chest, circling your nipples. Then he guides it up your other arm, over your shoulder and back to your collarbone.

“What’s the first item?” he asks you in soft spoken voice, guiding the brush back to your nipples to circle them. He is obsessed with the way your body reacts. Goosebumps and swollen nipples. You are so beautiful with the most perfect reactions.

“Feels nice.”

“Of course it does, but what is it?” he is chuckling his words, finding you beyond adorable.

“Uhm..”, you shudder as he tickles your neck with it, “brush?”

“Mhhm good girl”, Yoongi praises, placing the brush aside to get your reward. He turns it on.

You instantly move your head into the direction of the sound, gasping his name.

“Can you guess your reward?” Yoongi asks, guiding the vibrator down the inside of your thigh.

You moan weakly, writhing on the sheets. You nod your head because you can’t talk. The vibrations feel so good and they’re coming close to where they feel otherworldly. You are so excited.

“Do you want it?”

“Please.”

Yoongi takes your consent and connects the vibrator with your clit, rubbing circles on it. You wail up weakly, hands instantly reaching down to grab his wrist. Your legs close around him, but fall open a moment later, toes curling in the sheets.

“Is this nice for you?” he asks you, eyes flitting between your pussy and your face. They linger on your chest as well, soaking up the view of you writhing in pleasure.

“Nice”, you whimper, rolling your hips up into his touch.

“That’s good”, he says and then falls into comfortable silence with you.

Not that the moment is truly silent. The pitter patter of rain enters the room. The low purr of the vibrator mixes with your quiet moans and breathy sighs. Yoongi’s own heightened breathing matches you. But there is no traffic, no loud neighbors, no emergency sirens or people cursing on the streets below. There is no city. No burden. Just you and him and nature.

Yoongi knows from how quickly he brings you to the edge that you are truly enjoying the sex you are having. When he fucked in the past, trapped with you in his penthouse or your small apartment, you often struggled to reach climax. Sometimes you didn’t orgasm at all, no matter what Yoongi tried. And be certain that he tried. Your pleasure has always been important to him. He tried, you tried but the city had an awful grip on you, keeping you tense and nervous and too anxious to truly be in the moment.

But not anymore. You gasp and tense in the way you always do when you are close. It happens so fast that Yoongi feels high. You are so into this, so relaxed. He is doing this to you. He is making you feel good. Yoongi wants to give you an orgasm, but knows not to rush it. If you climax, you should really enjoy it. You should crave it so violently that you have nothing else on your mind.

He takes away the vibrator, soothing your squirms with gentle touches.

“I was close”, you whine.

“I know sweets, I know”, he kisses your neck, “it’ll be worth it. I promise.”

“Oh god.”

He kisses your cheek and sits up, “next item. Guess whenever you are ready.”

You wait with bated breath and an aching pussy. You really wanted this orgasm. Sheets ruffles, silence. The sensation.

“Oh god”, you get out, arching your back to chase it.

Something metal and tangly. It is cold and light. He guides it down your sternum and stomach, letting it tickle your belly button before he guides it up to your neck.

“Chains…” you moan, writhing from the memories of feeling them hit your skin whenever he fucked you deep.

“Good girl”, Yoongi praises, rewarding you by tangling them over your face. He makes sure that they hit your skin in the ways they sometimes do when he is buried inside you.

You chase it, moaning his name.

“You’re thinking the same, right?”

“Yes. Yoongi…”

“I fucking love being with you, my sweet girl”, he says, tickling your face one last time before he gives you your true reward.

The vibrator. He keeps the same setting and the same spot, but rubs your stomach the entire time. Your moans are louder than before, your pussy so much wetter and your hips a lot more restless.

It also takes you way less time for your orgasm to be close. Yoongi really draws out the moment he takes it away from you, keeping you on the edge until the last second.

“No please”, you beg, bucking your hips against nothing, “please.”

“Patience, sweetie, patience. You still have three more items to go.”

“Please.”

“Patience”, he whispers and lifts the third item, “time to guess. Focus on the sensations, not your pussy. Do it for me, sweetest.”

“Yoongi, oh god”, you whimper, almost spilling tears.

“Take a deep breath for me.”

You obey only to have it knocked out of you when sudden burning warmth hits the skin of your chest. You sob, arching your back and twisting the pillow edge.

“Wax, aah”, you mewl, feeling dizzy. It is hot, but it’s not painful. Exactly how he promised. You still weren’t ready for how good it will feel.

He starts at your sternum, leaving a puddle of it on your skin. Next he covers your breasts with it, your soft flesh first and your nipples last. You sob again when he covers them in the hot wax, pleasure soaking so deep into your fibers that you find it hard to breathe.

“Good girl, correct again. Is it too hot?”

“No, feels so good. Yoongi please fuck me, please.”

“Patience, sweetie. First you need your reward.”

“Please…”

As the wax hardens on your chest, Yoongi presses the vibrator against your clit again, rubbing it up and down for a change. You mewl his name, digging your heels into the sheets and thrusting against the toy. Judging by how much your voice pitches, you are already close.

Yoongi takes it away, pinning your hips down easily as they try to squirm.

“Please no more edging, please”, you beg in desperate croaks.

“Sorry sweetest, sorry”, he rasps, kissing your neck and jawline. “It’s soon over. I promise.”

“Yoongi please just fuck me, please.”

“Soon, sweet girl, soon. Two more items. I promise.”

You mewl, squirming in agony. Yoongi sits up and gets the fourth item. He decides to guide it over your stomach and thighs. You instantly open them wider, skin covered in goosebumps.

“Your knife. Feels so good.”

“Good girl. Mhm your skin is so soft. I could cut it, mark it as mine, but I won’t”, he lulls, tracing the inside of your shaky thighs.

“Please do. I’m yours.”

“Another day. promise”, he says and picks up the vibrator. He puts the knife aside, using his unoccupied hand to pin down your squirming hips.

He managed to edge you to a point of such sensitivity that he only has to keep the toy on you for a few seconds before your body tenses in your approaching high.

He takes it away, shushing you lovingly when you keen in agony. He lies down next to you, cradling you against his chest and kissing your cheek.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I can’t do it anymore please”, you beg, “please I want to be with you, please.”

“One more item, I pro-”

“No! Please. I want to be with you, please.”

Yoongi sighs in defeat.

“Okay. You can”, he gives in.

“Please I wanna see you, please Yoongi.”

“Okay, sweet girl”, he whispers, pulling the blindfold off your eyes. When you beg like this, he can’t say no. He has to fulfill your every wish.

You instantly look at him, spilling tears because of how happy the view of him makes you.

He wipes your tears away, speaking to you in a soft voice.

“Why are you crying, my love? Is it getting too much for you? Should we take a break?”

You shake your head and open your legs.

“Please. Be with me.”

Yoongi smiles in order not to tear up. He hums a yes, nodding his head vigorously before dropping it against yours. His right hand cradles your cheek safely.

“I’ll always be with you, my love.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise you”, he says and climbs between your legs.

You roll to your back, following him this way. He takes your hands and pins them in the pillow above your head, holding them tightly.

“I'll always be with you.You have me”, he says and seals his promise by finally connecting with you.

You and he moan together, hands squeezing the other’s and eyelids fluttering. Both of you refuse to close your eyes, wanting to see the other.

“You have all of me, my sweetest girl”, he says and picks up a deep and gentle pace. “All of me, you’ve got all of me.”

“Yoongi”, you whimper, body shaking instantly. You spill tears, sobbing softly.

“Does it hurt? Are you getting tight again like you sometimes do?”

“No, feels so good”, you sigh and place his right hand on your throat.

Yoongi moans your name, hips stuttering in shock.

“Please”, you beg and Yoongi knows what to do.

He applies pressure on your veins, watching the last piece of sanity disappear from your pretty eyes. You roll them back and moan. You moan in ways you haven’t moaned in too long. Quite frankly, Yoongi already forgot that he could help you make such noises.

“You know I don’t believe in god, not with the kinda suffering the motherfucker allows to happen to innocents, but holy fucking god”, he gets out and picks up speed. Not too much. Just enough to make your back arch and your toes curl.

He drops his forehead against yours, resting on his one elbow. His fingers are still holding your neck, feeling your pulse race uncontrollably.

“Holy fucking god, baby. Fucking god.”

You reach up with your free hand, twisting his hair. It feels so good. All of it feels so good. You don’t know what is happening to you. Sex hasn’t felt like this in so long. Can it really feel that good? Can you really be so without burdening thoughts?

“Don’t stop please.”

“Mhhm never. Gotta make you feel so fucking good.”

“Good. Yoongi. Ah!”

“Fuck I was such an idiot, fuck I forgot how alive I feel when I dedicate my all to you.” He thrusts into you deep and passionately. “I’m on a high, my sweet girl. You feel so good”, Yoongi gets out, letting you taste each word.

“Yoongi please.”

“Too much?”

“Please can I cum? Please.”

“Fuck”, he curses and growls, kissing your nose softly afterwards. “Do you need more?”

“No, just please. Soon.”

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetest. I’m right here. Your Yoongi’s right here. I’m not fucking leaving you again. I’m here.”

“I love you”, you sob and break. He didn’t even get to let go of your neck before you fell victim to your high. You simply feel way too good. There was no other way.

“I love you too. Ah, I’m-”, Yoongi’s voice breaks and turns into desperate whimpers as your intense high throws him over the edge as well.

He makes sure to keep moving, so you could really enjoy yourself. And oh how you do.

You are so lost in your pleasure that you pull him close enough that you manage to bite down on his shoulder.

Yoongi mewls in pain, guiding your mouth away gently with the hand he once had around your throat. You instantly take his fingers inside your mouth, sucking them eagerly as you and he ride the waves of your shared highs.

Once you and he come down, his fingers are messy from your drool and you seem so deeply satisfied that you can’t help but cry.

Yoongi instantly cradles your face, kissing your tears away.

“What’s the matter? Too tight?”

“No, I feel safe. Yoongi, I feel safe.”

“Oh.”

You haven’t felt safe in so long. He knows that you don’t mean physically safe, but emotionally safe.

He smiles and rolls to his side, taking you with him in his arms. He lets you cuddle into him and use his chest to get through your tears.

Yoongi knows that you need this cry. He put you through so much and you went through twice as much on your own. Knowing that you can finally cry about it, is healing to him as well.

Once you calmed down, you feel sleepy and cold. Yoongi cocoons you and him in the blanket, allowing you to rest your head on his arm while he traces your face. His head rests on a pillow which he folded up half to make it sturdier. You are looking up at him. He smells like him. Good, clean, masculine, familiar. He smells so calmingly familiar.

“What are you thinking?” he whispers, tracing your brows and nose.

“Just that I’m happy.”

“You are?”

“Very. I haven’t felt like this in ages.”

“I know. I…” he struggles with his words, gnawing on his lower lip.

You reach up and begin tracing his scar. He instantly knows that he is allowed to talk freely.

“I know you’ve been struggling with enjoying sex. I could beat myself because I know it’s partially my fault.”

You shake your head, “it was never your fault. You tried to make it good for me. I could see that you did. It was the only time I felt like you actually tried for me.”

He furrows his brows, “I’ve done so much wrong in my life and most I’ve done to you. I’m so sorry, my sweet girl.”

“Thank you. I know that you’ll be different from now on. That Us will be different again.”

“I will. We will. I fucking promise you. And I-”

“And you never break a promise. I know”, you interrupt him in a soft whisper.

Yoongi’s smiles, nodding his head. You giggle because it feels good to know him so well and be known in return.

“I felt so good today.”

“That’s good. That’s all I want when I’m with you like this.”

He brushes his thumb over your eyelid gently. You close your eyes with a smile, enjoying his tender touch for a moment.

Once it passes, you look up at him again.

“I’m scared of going back.”

“To the city?”

“Yes. I’m scared.”

“Don’t be. I’ll take care of it. I promise I’ll make your life happy again.”

“What do you mean?”

“You won’t have to return to the city if you don’t want to. I meant it when I said that I’ll fucking set it on fire if you want me to.”

“What about your job? The things you keep hidden from the law?”

“I’ll take care of it. You won’t get hurt, I promise.”

You cup his cheek, eliciting a shaky gasp from him. Your eyes widen as you stare deeply into his eyes.

“I’ll kill whoever needs to be gone. Just tell me.”

“Oh sweetest”, he kisses your forehead before cradling you against his chest, “don’t make such promises. I don’t want you to have to get your hands bloody.”

“But-”

“No buts. I’ll get my hands dirty, so you won’t have to. Now enough about the future, right now I wanna hold my woman and let her know I’m entirely here for her.”

“Good. I’m glad you are”, you say and melt into his strong embrace.

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daycourtofficial · 11 months ago

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I Know Something You Don’t Know

Summary: Everyone else finds out you and Azriel are expecting a baby before you and Azriel do.

Author’s note: this is something? Isk where it came from, just went with it.

Cassian loved calm mornings. Coming home from training, cleaning up, and enjoying a few hours of calm to himself. He usually just lounges about the house, in various rooms, soaking in the silence, thinking about his day, his family, anything really.

He was sure this was to be one of those mornings, until he hears you bustling down the stairs in a quick pace.

Upon seeing Cassian at the table, calmly eating his array of sausages and bacon, you give him a nod.

The general laughs at his brother’s mate, whose arms are full of supplies to do mother knows what.

“Do you still have a body under all that stuff or are you just a tent with legs now?” He asks, laughing.

“Har har,” you reply, walking briskly through the room, “I told my nephews I’d teach them how to set up a tent and I’m running late. Can you open the door for me?”

Cassian rises, obliging your request. He loved ribbing you, but he also adored you as a person and as Azriel’s mate. You and Feyre were the best people to have as in-laws, a sentiment his brothers likely don’t share about his own mate.

“Well, I hope you all have a great time camping, don’t get eaten by any bears, please.” He says, opening the door for you.

“Ah, we’ll just be in my sister’s backyard camping, but it’ll be loads of fun. See you later, Cass!” You say, walking through the door.

Once the door is shut behind you, Cassian freezes as your scent lingers in the doorway. Your usual scent, of course, with a very soft, delicate undertone of flowers mixed in. So soft, he didn’t notice it while you were here.

Pregnant.

Cassian got the relaxing morning he thought he would. No one else came back to the house for several hours, an opportunity Cassian would usually relish and take delight in. Today his thoughts would only allow him to think of his brother and you and your babe.

His first thought was if Azriel knew, and knowing his brother, if he had any inclination you were pregnant, he wouldn’t have let you leave alone.

When the two of you mated, Azriel was insufferable. He was certain you would die from suffocation due to his hovering. On your first time seeing everyone after the frenzy, Cassian went to hug you and Azriel growled at him. You were incredibly patient and understanding, recognizing that it came from a mixture of his instincts to protect and his fear of anything happening to you.

It got so bad at one point you started bringing a spray bottle and would spray him when he was being too territorial.

Nesta and Feyre had walked into the house to find Cassian sitting at the table, pulling on his hair, a mixture of excitement and concern on his face. It was obvious he’d been sitting there for hours, his long forgotten breakfast gone cold hours ago.

“Cass, are you alright?” Feyre asks, coming to sit next to him.

Feyre’s voice breaks him out of his stupor, “Pregnant,” is all he can muster.

Fwyre looks at Nesta, “no no, not me,” Nesta replies, sniffing the air, “not you either.”

Feyre looks back at Cassian, “are you the pregnant one, Cass?”

“Azriel is.”

Feyre’s smirk drops from her face, “w-what?”

“Well okay not Azriel, but she is. She’s pregnant. They’re having a baby!”

Cassian feels ten pounds lighter being able to share this with someone. He jumps from his chair, standing in front of Feyre and Nesta.

“They’re having a baby, and neither of them know it.”

This day was absolutely rubbish for Azriel. Boring meetings, messy work, and stupid paperwork had him leaving early and staying incredibly late. All he wanted was to come home, eat dinner, and lay in bed with you on top of him.

He walked into the doors of the house, not expecting to find anyone, let alone finding his whole family in the foyer bickering like children.

“Okay but where will the banner go!” Cassian yelled at Mor.

“We already have a banner, we don’t need yours!”

“Yeah but I hand painted mine! I want them to know I was the first to know and that I’m the most excited for them!”

Feyre scoffs at Cassian, “if you’re the most excited, then why have Rhys and I already hired a team of nursemaids and nannies and have been gathering nursery supplies all day?”

Cassian rolls his eyes at his sister in law and high lady, “okay fine, you’ve spent the most money on the child, but I’ll teach them how to fly and all the best swear words.”

Mor starts to rebuttle, “yeah but I’ll be the best aunt, we’ll go shopping and,” she pauses, the first to notice Azriel’s return home, “Az, you’re home.”

All eyes snap to Azriel in the doorway, and he is no closer to figuring out what he’s looking at. Balloons are strewn about, as are streamers, there’s confetti, cakes, and what look like two banners that he can’t see what they say.

“What’s all this? Is it someone’s birthday?” He asks, walking forward and swiping some icing off a cake as Elain tuts at him and swats his hand.

“Uh,” Cassian replies, “it will be someone’s birthday.”

Azriel looks at him, “what does that mean?”

Cassian walks towards his brother, his arms outstretched, clamping down on his shoulders.

Looking him the eye, Cassian says, “do not freak out in that Azriel way you do when big things happen.”

Azriel scoffs, trying to shrug off Cassian’s hands. “I do not ‘freak out’,” his last words in air quotes.

Cassian continues speaking, “yeah says the guy who hid for two weeks when the mating bond snapped for him.”

Azriel opens his mouth to argue, but Cassian continues. “Speaking of, I saw your lovely mate as she left this morning.”

Azriel looks at Cassian, waiting for him to continue. “And after she left I realized there was a… scent.”

Azriel stiffens, his instincts kicking in as he responds, “what kind of scent?”

Cassian immediately shuts down Azriel’s thoughts, “whoa nothing like that, no. She’d never smell like another male, she’s too obsessed with you. No, it was a-a baby. She’s pregnant.”

As Cassian’s words were registering in his brain, Mor slowly lifted the banner so he could see that it said “Congratulations Bat Baby!”

Azriel looks at Cassian, deep-rooted fear of allowing his hopes to rise just to have them taken from him, “you’re sure? Absolutely sure?”

Cassian, unable to gauge Azriel’s reaction, replies with a quick, “yes.” Azriel wastes no time, sweeping Cassian up into a hug, lifting him off the ground. This show of affection was abnormal for Az, especially initiated by him, but Cassian gladly enjoys the moment.

Cassian can feel Azriel laughing into his chest as he sets him down, and everyone in the room is smiling at him, feeling his joy.

Azriel looks at Cassian, “but wait - do all of us know? Except for her?”

Cassian looks a bit sheepish, “well… maybe?”

Walking back towards the house, you walk through the open markets of Velaris, loving the smells of all the flowers and fresh bread. Walking through the vendors, several of them stop you, giving you gifts. You try to decline them, unable to accept their flowers, their chocolates, their breads. But they won’t let you give them back, and they absolutely refuse to allow you to pay for the gifts.

“I can’t just take these without paying!” You tell one vendor you frequent, Lila.

Lila scoffs at you, “it is called a gift! Have you never received one before?”

You roll your eyes, “of course I have, but this is different-“

Lila interrupts you, “it is not different. This is a gift. Accept it. Congratulations.”

You look at her in bewilderment, but a customer comes in at that moment and takes Lila’s attention. You walk through the market, your arms full of gifts from the vendors you frequent, confused as to why you have them.

You walk up the steps into the townhouse, toeing open the door after spending several minutes trying to find your keys.

“Honey?” You call out, removing your keys from the door. “The people of Velaris have gone nuts.”

You start making your way into the living room, still carrying what feels like 50 pounds of flowers. “They kept giving me things. We have like 20 bouquets and 10 loaves of bread!”

You feel him approach, helping grab things out of your arms and setting them down. “Did something happen and I missed it? Lila even congratulated me-“ Your words stop as you see the banners over the doorway.

“CONGRATULATIONS BAT BABY!” in beautiful writing, with little bats painted all over it.

Another one reads, “CONGRATS ON THE BAT!”

One written in what appears to be Cassian’s handwriting says, “I’M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!”

You look at Azriel, still not understanding. “What’s happening?” You finally take a good look at him, and he is on the verge of crying.

“When you left this morning, Cassian smelled you. I didn’t want to get too excited until I smelled you myself, but oh gods.”

He wraps you in his arms, deeply inhaling you. “You’re pregnant,” he laughs into your shoulder.

“Pregnant?” You ask him, clearly not having heard him correctly.

You and Azriel stopped taking contraceptives a few years ago, knowing it would probably be a century before you had a baby of your own.

“Me? Pregnant?” He laughs, “yes.”

He pauses, thinking about something. “Is this still something you want? We jumped the gun a bit with the decorating, but I assumed because we talked before.” He looks into your eyes, “if you’ve changed your mind, that’s okay. We’ll figure something out. It’s-“

You cut him off, “I haven’t changed my mind, I’m just..” you trail off, looking around you, “amazed I’m the last one to know!”

The both of you laugh, Azriel grabbing your face and kissing you deeply. When you pull away, all of the inner circle has winnowed in, Cassian shooting off confetti.

“Surprise!” They all yell, laughing. The joy thrumming through the bond with Azriel is all consuming from both ends, and you’re sure everyone around you can feel it.

Cassian approaches you, embracing you in a big hug. He kisses the top of your head, then crouches down so he’s eye level with your stomach.

“Hi Cassian Jr.” he says. Azriel scoffs, pushing him so he falls on the floor.

“What? I figured it out, I get naming rights!”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, dummy.” Mor tells him, giving him a pointed look as she sweeps you into a hug.

“I’m so happy for you,” she says, pulling back to look at you. “Me too,” you tell her. She looks at Azriel, who has let the happiness fade enough for his instincts to kick in, “not happy to deal with him during your pregnancy.”

You laugh, “it’ll be a miracle if he lets me leave the house.” He scoffs, as if he’d ever let you out of his sight again.

Feyre approaches you, cradling Nyx in her arms. “They’ll be, what, a year and a half apart?” You smile at her, cooing at the baby in her arms. “They’re going to be best friends,” you tell her.

All of you spend the evening laughing, drinking, eating all the sweets Elain baked, and soaking in all the joy from the newest addition to the family.

#acotar fanfiction #azriel #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel fanfic #azriel fluff

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diremoone · 11 months ago

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whipped cream apology | r. sukuna

fights are uncommon between you and your fiancé, but there are times they do happen. you know you’ll never hear a verbal apology come from him, but you know he’s sorry; Sukuna’s apologies always come in the form of gifts, food, or acts of service. this time is no different :3

w — modern au, chef! sukuna (he owns and works in his own restaurant but that’s not elaborated on), itsy bitsy sprinkles of angst bc of a mentioned fight, fluff, this is super duper short haha, food and food descriptions bc I am a woman who loves her food so sue me :3 this is just a random lil fic I wrote in like a day so i won’t be surprised if this flops lmao

[ divider credit to @/inklore ]

You don’t know how you go to sleep angry, but you do.

Last night had been awful. Maybe you’d blown everything a little out of proportion, maybe not. Your energy hadn’t been so great coming through the front door of your home. You’d just been stalked by a couple of guys that wouldn’t stop leering at you, and to top that off you had an old woman at the register of the store get ugly with you. All you wanted was the nice dinner you know would be awaiting you and to not be bothered for awhile after that.

Problem was, was that Sukuna was also in a bad mood. Someone at the kitchen of his restaurant had put him in a super bad mood by not following orders, and a food critic was to be coming by in a few days. And when you mixed his bad mood with yours, it led to you two going to bed on bad terms.

But now, you’re not even sure that Sukuna had come to bed.

Did that idiot sleep on the couch?

Just as you’re about to get out of bed, you see a note on the nightstand with your name on it. You grab it, unfold it and read: ‘Stay in bed and text me when you’re awake.’

Your sleepy brain goes blank for a moment, but you oblige your fiancé’s request anyway, texting him that you’re awake with a pink heart afterward, hoping he still wasn’t upset with you.

Sukuna’s answer is almost immediate.

Give me a few more minutes and I’ll be upstairs.

But you do need to pee really really bad. You make your bathroom trip as quick as possible and hop back in the bed, miraculously just as Sukuna comes through the door with a large tray of what you smell to be food.

“Morning, baby,” he greets you.

You can see the solemn look on his face, one of upset. He’s still bothered about last night.

“Morning, ‘kuna,” you reply, smiling at him. It seems to partially work, the corner of his mouth quirking up.

You flatten out the blanket as he sets the tray over your legs. Your eyes can’t help but blown open so wide in shock and excitement that you accidentally make them hurt. To your expression and blinking eyes, Sukuna chuckles.

“An apology, for my shitty behavior last night.”

There are several plates of food on the large tray. Perfectly cooked eggs, bacon, sausage; all of your favorite comfort foods all sit before you.

But right in the center is a heaping pile of one inch-thick, fluffy pancakes the size of your head, four stacked atop of another. Butter runs down underneath the sweet maple syrup. Neatly placed around the edges of the plate are bananas and strawberries. And on the very top is a generous pile of whipped cream in a fancy swirl.

You grin at his meticulousness of making such a wonderful plate that’s only just going to get messy.

“Sukuna—”

He scowls. “Don’t even bother me with apologizing back. I don’t wanna hear it. I’m the asshole. You did nothing wrong.”

Love swells in your heart and soul for the man you’re soon to marry. God, you love him.

“You’re sure?”

He tsks. “Positive.”

You smile brightly. “I love you.”

His cheeks and ears go pink. “Just eat.”

“Cheeseball,” you call him, cutting into the pancakes. “But don’t mind if I do.”

“If you can’t eat all of that, I’ll eat the rest.”

“Fuck off, it’s mine.”

taglist: (no longer adding)

#sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna fluff #sukuna fic #chef! sukuna #jjk fluff #jjk sukuna

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tiredofthehumanlife · 7 months ago

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He bloody kissed me😱

Barbie dolls: rosekiller x you (Evan rosier, Barty crouch jr, and your gay ass)

Words: 6.7k ish

Summary: gn!reader btw but so basically Barty and Evan decide to include you in their sex life so yeah

Warnings: allusions to Jegulus, Barty gets called a fucktoy, choking, Barty is v submissive and then Evan is like dominant?? And then r is like the medium between the two, KNIVES KNIVES, blood lots of blood, they lap up the blood like hounds, Barty cried during sex but like he's chill dont worry about him, handcuffs Barty is restrained, Voldemort mentioned, Evan quite enjoys degrading Barty, lots of praise, choking with a belt, Barty is the only one who cums, I don't think you people read these, Barty gets called a slut, cumslut, and a whore, cuckolding undertones srry ig, Barty's comes in his pants, is it comes or cums?, Barty's happy trail is mentioned so often it deserves a space in the credits, scarring, cannibalism undertones (they aren't under they're very present), AFTERCARE INCLUDED SUCK MY DICK ITS PART OF SEX, if you know me ��not anymore

Being friends with Barty and Evan was enjoyable. They were funny, they were nice on occasion, however they were also insane. More specifically they were insane in bed. It wasn't even something you wanted to know. Everything you learned about their sex life was involuntary.

Barty would come in with a new bandage and an impossible to recreate grin. You'd get worried that he got into trouble and ask his what happened. He give you a bright smile and mutter 'ask my boyfriend'. You fell for it everytime, too. Your love for your friends often trumped your common sense. Always so worried for him you'd forget he was a physchopath dating a psychopath. He had shown up with bruises before, a hickey, a bruise on his arm in the shape of a hand, yada yada. If you didn't know them as well as you wished you didn't you would've thought Evan was beating Barty without his consent. Unfortunately you did know them, you knew they were a match made in hell. Bruises and cuts before, sure but never this bad.

From the second Barty entered the Great Hall, you were zoned in on his neck. A long blue stripe spanned across his throat, with more purple in a squarish shape. Evan was happily holding onto Barty's arm over his shoulders. They split when they reached the table, Barty coming to sit next to you and Evan across from him. Dorcas and Pandora were deep in a conversation about the way someone would go about turning into a tree. Regulus was ignoring all of you, deeply focused on his breakfast and the book in his lap. You gripped onto Barty's shoulder staring at his neck.

"Barty, what happened to your neck?" You whispered. Evan snorted across from you. You sent him a glare, assuming he was laughing at Barty.

"Belt." Barty said, reaching around you to steal a sausage off Regulus' plate.

"A belt? Barty, what? Who the hell did you get into a fight with? Who rips off their belt in the middle of a tossle? The fuck is wrong these people?" You started glancing around the Hall to see if you could find someone with a black eye or two.

"Who you looking for, baby?" Evan asked. You turned back to the table to stare at Evan. He raised an eyebrow at you. You looked between Barty's cocky grin and Evan's teasing look. The realization finally hit you, your shoulders slumping. You sighed and ripped your hand away from Barty's shoulder, wiping it off on your shirt.

"You two are filthy. Truly." Barty shrugged. Evan sneakily pulled a slice of toast off of Dorcas' plate. She continued arguing with Pandora about human trees.

"Well you can't lie, you think it's hot." Barty said, leaning in to your personal space. "Don't you, baby" You felt your ears go red. You stared at Barty's smug face. You reached up and pushed him away from you.

"No comment." Evan laughed at you.

"See that's basically a yes." Evan muttered. You shook your head.

"I think you two are disgusting little parasites. It's filthy and foul." You said, crossing your arms. Barty leaned his head on your shoulder, blinking up at you.

"I love it when you talk sexy." You shoved Barty off of you. Evan shrugged. You three went to your regular conversation over your assignments, most of which Barty didn't do and still aced the class.

In fact it wasn't until a week later they brought up their sex life to you, again. This time you shockingly hadn't fallen for their tricks. You were all piled in the boys' dorm. Dorcas, Pandora, and Marlene were all sat on Evan's bed. Marlene was painting Pandora's nails, not that she was very good at it. Dorcas had her head resting on top of Marlene's thigh, 'resting her eyes' as she said. Regulus had laid down for a nap hours ago. He had a very exhausting day, having to speak to Potter and all that. His curtains were drawn and you were glad the others had all silently agreed to stay quiet while speaking. You were sat on Barty's bed, which was next to Evan's. Barty and Evan were sitting next to you. Evan had his head rested on your shoulder, as him and Barty quietly whispered to each other. You were focused on your book, blocking out everyone's voices.

You kept your full attention on the story, the words sweeping you away into another world. Just as things were ramping up, a fight sparking between two characters, Marlene interrupted your train of thought. Her voice dragging you out of the world.

"Are you really going to let them do that next to you?" You gave her a confused look, tilting your head.

"Do what?" As you spoke you turned to look next to you. You found your boys with their tongues down each others throats. Barty had his leg thrown over Evan's lap, pushing Evan's shirt up. Evan yanked at Barty's hair. You were suddenly aware of the wet noises right next to your ear, their moans sending a chill of disgust down your spine.

"Oh! Boys, cut it out." You swatted them with your book. They broke apart sitting straight again. Evan pulled his shirt down. You noticed them both readjusting their pants, much to your dissapointment. You muttered about how nasty they were as you turned back to your book.

"Nothing was stopping you from joining, sweetheart." Evan whispered. You shuttered. You stared moved back to read where yu left off, though now you were unfocused. You could only think of the image of Barty running his nails down Evan's stomach. Evan biting down on Barty's tongue, his hand edging towards the band of Barty's pants. You kept restarting on your paragraph, trying your hardest to focus on the words. All you could think about was them. Within a second you realized your disgust was a red herring. You pretended to gag, you called them gross, you told them they were filthy rabbits, you told them to get a room, but really deep down you were...

attracted to them.

Oh god. Oh god, Oh god. You were attracted to not only your best friends, but your best friends who were dating. Not what do you do. Tell them? Have them stare at you with their 'I'm actively sitting next to my boyfriend' eyes? Ignore it? Just have them be all gross and loving and stuff in front of you all the time? You sighed deeply. It appears your best choice of action is to ignore it. You felt Evan wrap his arm around yours, using it as a pillow.

So you did ignore it, mostly. You really just stared at them wistfully as they went about loving each other and leaving the evidence of their long nights out in the open. It felt like they were taunting you with their hickeys, bruises, and kisses. Their gentle touches, showing the other they loved them, burning your own skin. They were completely clueless, just being in a happy realationship. All the while their best friend was yearning for them to touch you in the way they did each other. They did seem to catch the shift in tension. They hadn't said anything yet, but they'd share glances with each other.

Finally they did sit you down under the impression you were meeting up to get Regulus to confess his feelings. Barty held onto both your hands as he revealed that this meeting wasn't about Regulus, it was about you. Evan asked what was wrong, what was going on. You gave them both a confused look, lying and saying 'what i have no ideaaaaaa'. They both glared at you, giving you time to gather your own courage. You three sat in silence as you sucked in a deep breath.

"Okay yeah, well so basically-" You paused suddenly feeling like you should lie more to get yourself out of this terrible situation. You stared at the dormitory floor, wishing you were anywhere but Barty's bed.

"I am totally into these two hufflepuffs. I just I can't pick which one I want more. I just- It's all I can think about. And I know I've been distracted. But I will be working on focusing on my friends more. I know it must've been putting a strain on our friendship but I'm working on it." Lies, but hey why communicate when you could fib. Barty squeezed your hands. Evan sighed and rolled his eyes. So mayhaps they saw through it. Mayhaps they'll ignore it and let you slide.

"Do you genuinely think you're good at lying or do you just think we're stupid?" Evan asked. You gave him a confused look. You shook your head.

"I don't- I have no idea what you're talking about right-"

"Be serious."

"Okay so I lied. I'm a fibber. What about it?" You caved the second Barty spoke up. You had the backbone of an uncooked spaghetti noddle, but you still gave it a shot.

"Can you just tell us what's going on? You keep being weird." Evan groaned, crossing his arms. You sighed and pulled your hands out of Barty's.

"Alright fine, so maybe the Hufflepuffs were you. But maybe we don't need to talk about that or address that at all. Maybe ignoring it all was the friends we made along the way." Barty grabbed onto your hands again, Evan squatting down in front of you.

"Well, darling, have you considered that maybe we're totally into you too?" Barty asked, lightly squeezing your hands. Evan rested his hands on your knees.

"Obviously not." Evan muttered.

"Listen, the feelings are mutual. We've discovered this now. We're also sitting on a bed." Barty gestured to his sheets underneath you. Evan scoffed.

"Of course you're suggesting intercourse at a time like this." You whispered.

"You're not saying no." Evan pointed out.

"I am not, I am saying though, not now. Give me like a week or so to wrap my head around all this jazz." And with that you left to think. You retracted. You stayed quiet and ignored you friends. All of your energy put into figuring out what you wanted to do. It ended up only taking you about 3 days of silence for you to realize what you wanted to do. Which was to fuck them for a month straight, but you'd settle for a few minutes.

Within a flash of an eye you were searching for them all over the castle. You evenyually found them, sitting on the couch with Barty's head resting on Evan's shoulder. They were both decked in their pajamas, cozily curled up against each other. You stood in front of them waiting on them to look up at you. Evan did first, Barty's eyes closed. As they both stared at you, you steeled yourself.

"I know what I want." Evan nodded, giving you encouragement to finish your thought. "I want you to show me everything." They both looked at each other before standing. Evan latched onto your hand before grabbing onto Barty by the back of his shirt. Evan dragged you both up the stairs, his grip gentler on you. You were smiling the whole way up the staircase. Barty caught a glimpse of your face and blew you a kiss.

Barty moved to his bed, taking you with him. He laid down on his back and patted the mattress next to him. You sat next to him and watched him unbutton his shirt. Evan squatted down next to his bed digging under it. Barty smiled up at you pointing to his lips before puckering them. You met his demands, leaning down to him. Barty quickly buried his hand on the back of your head, tugging the hair between his fingers. You groaned into his mouth. Barty took the opertunity to slip his tongue past your lips. You felt Barty's hand leave your head, only to be replaced by another hand. Evan pulled your head back, your throat being fully exposed. Evan dipped his head down, dragging his teeth down the column of your neck. You heard Barty sigh under you both. Evan pulled back and set a shoebox on top of Barty's chest, using him a table. Evan pulled the lid off, glancing up at you to make sure your attention was on him.

"This is most of everything, babe. We're still learning what's enjoyable and what's not. I thought we'd start here. Barty is our test subject, for today. Trust me, he wont mind." Evan said. You leaned forward peering into the box. What you found wasn't really all that intresting, a belt, lube, condoms, a knife, handcuffs that looked particularly cheap, but it was more the gaurentee of what was to come, Barty. You felt a grin grow, looking up at Evan. He nodded.

"Knew you'd be curious. So here's my preposition, I'll do something and you watch. Then if you wanted to try, I could talk you through it, yeah?" You nodded excitedly at Evan. Evan removed the box from Barty, instead setting it next to you on the bed. Barty sat up and slipped his shirt off entirely, dropping it to the floor. Evan straddled Barty's hips. Barty pinned his hands underneath Evan's legs. Barty looked giddy. You sat next to them, watching them intently. Evan sighed, running his hands up and down Barty's chest.

"Barty doesn't really need much of anything, he's truly just a fuck toy. He quite enjoys choking, but the belt is really something that needs more buildup." You listened intently to Evan. You wanted to pay your full attention to Evan but he kept tweaking Barty's nipples while talking. Evan slid his hand up to Barty's throat. Evan squeezed, watching Barty's grin grow. Barty stared up at Evan. His eyes slipped away from Evan's to yours. Evan squeezed harder making Barty's eyes roll back.

"How do you know you're not hurting him, more than he wants I mean?" You asked, looking away from Barty to look at Evan. Evan smiled at you, glad you were excited to learn.

"He'll tap me three times if he wants me to stop, or he'll say 'snakes'. " Evan turned his focus back to Barty. Barty's mouth had gone slack, staring up at the ceiling. Evan looked back to you.

"Do you wanna try?" You felt a wave of warmth pass over you at the question. You nodded. You were slightly concerned that you'll do it wrong. Barty's face and Evan's muttered praises as you took Evan's place. You straddled Barty as he breathed harder, catching his breath.

You felt his bulge pressing into your leg as you settled your hands on his stomach. Evan sat where you were, next to the box, off to the side. Evan rubbed your shoulder as you traced Barty's happy trail. Evan gently grabbed the back of your hand pulling it up towards Barty's neck. You looked to Barty, uncertain that he didn't just enjoy choking because Evan was the one doing it. Barty smiled up at you, nodding eagerly. Evan pressed a kiss to your shoulder, placing your hand on Barty's throat. Evan took his hand off yours, giving you a moment to pull away if you needed. He placed his hand back on yours, squeezing on the sides.

"Squeeze him like that, yeah?" You nodded, mimicking Evan's force. Barty was smiling at you the whole time, egging you on.

"Harder. Pretty please, darling?" Barty muttered. You glanced at Evan, out of the corner of your eye. Evan nodded, reasueingly rubbing your arm. He ran his hand down to yours, showing you how to add more pressure properly. When Evan removed his hand and you took over, Barty moaned. He opened his mouth again. You wanted to lean over to Evan and ask why Barty did that but it felt mean. You were enjoying the look on Barty's face. You looked over at Evan with a growing grin. Evan smiled at you.

"Yeah?" You nodded, looking back down at Barty. You realeased your grip. Barty opened his eyes watching as your hand returned to his happy trail. Evan ignored Barty's whining, focusing on you in stead.

"What's next? You wanna pick from the box?" Evan asked. You nodded, although you were starting to feel like Evan was babying you. You leaned over Barty to look inside the box. You pulled the handcuffs out, showing them to Evan. He took the out of your hands.

"Barty, hands up." Barty raised his arms from his sides. Evan pulled the handcuffs through the top part of the headboard. You helped move Barty's hands to the handcuffs. Evan pulled Barty's wrists into them, locking the cuffs. Evan noticed the worring look on your face.

"He can get out of them if he wants to, they're actually a toy from like a random gas station in the middle of nowhere." You looked back to see Barty waving around his free hand. Evan tsked pulling Barty's hand back towards the cuffs. Barty grinned, leaving his hands above his head. He sent you a wink as you looked back into the box. Evan looked with you, curious it see what you would pull out next. You glanced over at him, meeting his eyes. He gave you an encouraging look as you reached into the shoebox. You pulled out the knife, holding the handle out to Evan. Evan smiled at you, taking the Knife out of your hands.

Now that you were actually looking at it you could tell it was less of a knife and more of a dagger. The handle and sheath was green, tiny gemstones forming flowers. If you didn't have an impatient Barty bucking his hips up into yours, you would've marveled at the beauty.

Evan pulled the sheath off the dagger, who knew a knife could get prettier with its clothes off? It was very pretty, two small slivers of space in the middle dragging from the handle down towards the tip. If you were Barty, you'd be quite excited. Evidently he was, moaning at the sound of Evan pulling the knife out of the sheath. Evan looked up at you to make sure you were paying attention before moving the dagger towards Barty. Evan gently dragged it over his skin, doing nothing more than enticing Barty.

"Pay attention, baby. You have to be gentle. You don't want to hurt him, more than usual." You followed along, watching Evan's hands. Evan placed one hand further up Barty's chest, the other one spinning the blade around. Evan pointed the tip down, pressing the metal into Barty's stomach. He dragged it down slowly, a small trail of blood following it. Barty groaned. You ignored him, focusing on Evan. Evan looked up at you as he pulled the bloody blade away, showing you the small mark he left. It was barely two inches big, off to the side. You stared at the red on the side of blade. Something deep inside you told you to lean forward and run your tongue over the blade. You didn't.

You gently took the blade out of Evan's hand. He nodded at you, whispering something about 'being good'. You didn't catch it but felt it was an inappropriate time to bring up your chronic 'huh?'-ing. You stared down at Barty, checking with him again if he was ready. Barty smiled at you, bucking his hips up. You groaned and shot your hands down to his hips. You pushed them down into the mattress.

"Sit still." You ordered, your tone biting at Barty's grin. He wanted to roll his eyes but your and Evan's wicked smiles made him reconsider. Barty stayed still, waiting. You brought the knife down towards his stomach. Off to the left side of his bellybutton closer to his hipbone. You watched Barty's reaction as you made a small cut in a downwards angle. Evan encouraged you with a kiss to your cheek as Barty whimpered underneath you. You watched the cut dribble out blood, a swam of excitement passing over your skin making you flush more. You looked up to Barty's contorted face. His eyebrows pushed up, his teeth digging into his inner cheek, eyes squeezed shut.

"Good?" You muttered, patting his face. Barty opened his eyes, looking up at your concerned face. You saw tears swelling in his waterline. He nodded egearly, flashing his teeth to settle your worries.

You pulled back, looking back at the cut you made. It was smaller than Evan's on Barty's other hip. You glanced over at that one to compare the two. Just to make sure you were doing it right. You noticed a scar under Evan's cut. It was two letters, ER made out of small cuts. You glanced over at Evan to see his cocky grin. He raised an eyebrow at you. You turned back to your cut, deciding you'd make a similar mark. Although you expected it to only last for tonight, a wand's flick and it's gone. You pressed the blade to the end of the last cut, pulling it up. Barty whined again, tugging at his cuffs.

You pulled the blade back admiring your downward pointing arrow. You stared at the blood making a mess on Barty's skin. You checked on Evan, finding him watching the blade with all the intensity of a man watching his best friend butcher his boyfriend. Consensually, of course. You glanced at Barty's face, seeing his tears rolling down his cheeks in a mess. He seemed to sense your concern immediately speaking to you.

"Good. 's good. So good, please keep going, please." His words pushed against each other, mixing together from his desperation. You focused back on his side, wiping away some of blood that was obstructing your view. You made 4 more cuts, turning the downward arrow into a small heart. With each stroke of your hands, Barty let out a whine. Evan started to coo at Barty, the longer you spent at his hip. Evan leaned towards Barty's face, brushing his hair away from his sweaty forehead. Evan muttered to Barty degradation in his soft tone.

It was quite confusing, his tone made it sound nice but when you focused on Evan's words you felt sick to your stomach. When you finally pulled back from Barty's hip there was a lovely little heart on the opposite side of Evan's initials. You looked up to see Barty's face wet with his tears and his eyes red. You creened, leaning forward to kiss Barty's wet cheeks.

"You're such a good boy, Barty. I'm so proud of you, doing such a good job for us." You muttered in his ear as Evan called him a slut in the other. Barty whined at the contrasting words. You pulled back from his face, looking down at the heart. The surrounding area was red with blood and flushed pain. You met Evan's eyes. He left a kiss on Barty's cheekbone before leaning towards you. He stared down at the heart, complimenting your good work. While you enjoyed how the cuts had effected Barty, his bulge pressing into your inner thigh desperately hard, you liked seeing his blood more. You wanted to lick Barty's stomach clean. You stared at Evan. He looked at you confused.

"Can I lick it?" You muttered, scared to ask much louder than a breath. Evan stared at you for a second as a grin that would make Voldemort himself quiver with fear. He gave you a small nod. You looked to Barty, his chest was heaving, his eyes still red and his arms still held tightly above his head. He nodded aggressively, trying to get his message across as fast as possible.

"Do it." Barty whispered. Evan tsked at Barty.

"Manners, Barty. Be nice to our quest." Evan chided Barty, pushing his hair back again. Barty nodded against Evan's hand.

"I'll be good. I'll be good, I promise. Rosie, I promise." Barty whined, his words mashing together again. You ignored Evan's coos as you dropped your head to Barty's hip. You tentatively swiped the tip of your tongue over a small drop of blood away from the cuts. You heard Barty moan as your eyes rolled back from his metallic taste. You were no longer taking small steps, he was too good to not spoil. You flattened your tongue out licking up every drop of Barty's blood. Loud moans rolled off Barty's tongue as you continued your work. You loved the extreme intimacy of it, also the bloody taste but that's a separate matter.

You felt Evan's hand met the back of your head again, pulling your face away from Barty's stomach. His eyes snagged on the dark shadow smeared over the bottom half of your face.

He always scolded you for being a messy eater. Evan never considered he'd find your freaky grin splattered with his boyfriend's blood so attractive. The room had gotten darker somewhere between choking Barty and now, though you weren't sure when too focused on Barty and Evan.

So no Evan couldn't see the exact shade of red on your face but he could still taste the copper on your lips. Barty told Evan he was a messy kisser, clacking teeth and sloppily slipping his tongue into Barty's mouth. But Barty had never seen Evan like this.

Evan was swiping his tongue everywhere but your mouth it seemed. He was rabid, more than usual. Evan was messily and harshly kissing you, his hand holding onto your hair tightly. Evan was moaning into your lips as he tried to get more of the coppery taste of Barty's blood in his mouth. Evan liked the taste the Barty, but he thinks he might like the taste of Barty more when he takes it from your mouth.

You pulled back from the kiss, dropping to Barty's hip again. You swiped your mouth over the surrounding area of Barty's cuts, occasionally tracing the lines with the tip of your tongue. The feeling of warmth from your mouth around his wounds made Barty wail in pleasure. He wanted to yank at your hair as much as Evan already has.

Barty pulled at the cuffs above his head. You lifted your head, looking up at Barty. He understood why Evan pounced on you like that before. The sight of his blood smeared across your mouth made him want to kiss it off like Evan already had. You leaned in towards Barty's face. Barty could smell the copper on you as you tilted your head. Barty learched his head forward, colliding his lips with yours.

He moaned at the taste of his own blood invading his mouth. Evan rubbed your back as he moved behind you. You nipped at Barty's bottom lip. He messily tried to lick at the blood around your mouth as he kissed you. You pulled away from his lips, sliding down to his neck. You swirled your tongue around him as you dragged your teeth over his skin.

Barty moaned, yanking at the cuffs holding his arms up again. You slid your free hand up Barty's throat, over his chin, and to his mouth. You slipped two of your fingers past his lips. Barty reacted instantly, swiping his tongue over your fingertips. You could feel the blood on your face smearing onto Barty's neck as you made yet another hickey. You pulled back letting his skin go. Evan helped you sit up straight, holding on to you by your waist. You pointed the tip of the dagger at Barty, making him whimper around your fingers.

"You'll be a good little slut and listen to us, won't you?" Your tone was edging on pity. Barty nodded, his movement restrained by your fingers pressing into his tongue. Evan pulled his chin over your shoulder, pressing his lips to your ear.

"You're doing good. Do you want me to show you the belt now?" You grinned as you nodded. Evan lightly kissed you before focusing back on the box. He plucked the dagger from your hands, much to your disappointment. You pulled your hand away from Barty's mouth back to his chest. Evan put the knife back it's rightful sheath before taking the belt out from the box. He tapped Barty's chin. Barty lifted his head up. Evan slid the belt behind Barty's head. He glanced at you as he slipped the end through the buckle and pulled. It wasn't tight enough to squeeze Barty yet but it was close enough that it wouldn't slip off. Evan held the end of the belt out towards you. You took it, still straddling Barty's hips. Evan moved behind you, running his hands up and down your back as he whispered to you.

"Now pull." You listened to Evan, yanking on the strap. The leather around Barty's neck tightened as his jaw went slack.

"Good. Tighter." You turned your head, looking back at Evan. He gave you a nod. You pulled on the end of the belt again, this time gentler. Barty's eyes rolled back before he refocused on staring at you. He looked like he was going to cry again. Evan hummed running his hands around from your back to your stomach.

"Release it." You loosened your grip on the strap. The belt around Barty's throat quickly loosened as he sucked in a breath. Barty's chest heaved up and down as he caught up with his lungs. Evan nodded against your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. After Barty finally evened his breaths Evan whispered to you again.

"Again. Pull." You stared into Barty's eyes as you pulled again, this time getting the right tightness on the first try. Barty let out a strangled groan. You watched Barty's face as Evan's hands traveled upwards. Your shirt gathered around his wrists as Evan moved his hands up towards your nipples. Evan pressed a kiss to your temple.

"Release." You let the end of the belt slide through your hands. Barty gasped as his breath returned. Evan nodded. As Evan gave you his repetitive instructions, you found the pace of the pulling and releasing. You were able to torment Barty's airway without Evan's instruction. Evan seemed to be quite proud of this, kissing along the curve of your neck. Barty was enjoying this more than the two of you combined, his eyes rolling back and moans slipping past his lips everytime you tightened the belt.

You liked it. A lot. You liked watching the belt dig into Barty's skin. You liked his moans. You liked his erection pressing against your leg. You liked how he left his life in your hands with the hope for pleasure. You liked how Barty's moans encouraged Evan to roll your nipples between his fingers and suck harder on your neck. You liked how Evan's motions made you grind down on Barty's lap, making Barty groan. Starting the cycle all over again.

You kept your pace with the belt, giving Barty time to catch his breath and not die. You leaned back against Evan's chest. You pulled your arm back, resting your hand on the back of Evan's head. You watched Barty's eyes focus on you again, staring at Evan's hand as it slid down your chest. You yanked on the belt again. Barty tilted his head back, whimpering loudly. Your hips moved on their own, grinding down on Barty again.

Evan groaned in your ear, dipping his hand down to the waistband of your pants. You shook your head against Evan, dropping your hand from his hair to the back of his hand. You dragged his fingers back to your chest. Evan easily accepted this, going back to tweaking your nipples. You keep pulling and releasing the belt while you bucked your hips against Barty's. His pajama pants were thin, which made it all the more exciting. You released the belt again, giving Barty time to catch up with the world again. Evan pulled his chin over your shoulder to stare down at Barty.

"You're loving all the attention, aren't you? You're such a pathetic fucking cumslut." Evan mocked Barty's moans, as Barty yanked at his handcuffs again. Just as Barty was about to bite a quip back to Evan, you yanked on the end of the belt. The leather dug into the skin of Barty's neck. You realized now why Barty's neck was always bruised, he talked too much. Evan chuckled. His laugh vibrated through you, his chest pressed against your back.

"Look at you, learning so well. Shutting Barty up like that, I'm proud of you." Evan whispered, his lips pressing against your ear. Your grip on the belt faultered from your shiver. Barty let in a fast breath. Evan tsked next to you, holding onto your hand with his. He tightened the belt, pecking your jaw.

Evan turned his attention back to your nipples, as you focused back on grinding down onto Barty's lap. You picked but the pace of tightening and releasing easily. As Barty started to get more desperate, bucking his hips up, you quickened the pace. Evan licked up your neck, nipping under your chin. You moaned, dropping your head back on Evan's shoulder. Through the split seconds of peace, Barty liked the image of you grinding against him with his boyfriend sucking at your neck.

Your tightest squeeze around his neck, coupled with your loudest moan from Evan, was what pushed Barty over the edge. Wetting his boxers and thin pajama pants. His head was light from the lack of air and the heavy pleasure. You dropped the tail end of the belt, giving all your attention to Evan. You pulled him back from your neck, meeting his lips feveriously.

Barty watched you both intently as he ignored the feeling of his underwear sticking to him. You nipped at Evans bottom lip as he slipped his tongue past your lips. You dragged your teeth over it, before pulling back to stare down at Barty with a mocking look.

"Awe did our little whore cum in his pants? All untouched. Pitiful." You mocked his blissed outface. Barty lolled his head to the side, letting it rest on his bicep. You gently dragged your finger over his happy trail. Evan moved out from behind you, sitting next to Barty's tired body. You traced around the little heart by Barty's hip. Barty let out a whimper, nuzzling his face against Evan's hand.

"Yeah? Baby's tired?" Evan said, in a high pitched voice you'd used on a dog with a broken leg. Barty made a pathetic noise, nodding his head. You gently slipped your fingers between Barty's bruised neck and the leather belt. You pulled, slipping the belt off of him. Barty closed his eyes, leaning further towards Evan. Evan reached up to the headboard, releasing Barty's wrists. Barty dropped his arms, if you didn't know better you'd mock him for his broken marionette position. You rolled the belt up, gently placing it in the box. You held your hand out for the handcuffs from Evan, dropping those into the box as well.

You helped Evan, help Barty up onto his feet. You both gently lead Barty to the bathroom, taking the box with you.

When you three entered, turning on the light, you looked to the mirror. You found your face was still tinted red from Barty, as long as your hands. You looked over Evan. He had a red tint too, spefically over his lips, you wondered if he'd still taste like copper. Barty was the worst of all, he looked like he tried to make great friends with a bear. His neck would most definitely be bruising, his hair was sweaty and pointing in odd directions, his own blood smeared and dried around his bottom lip and down his throat. He had a smile on though, gazing at you both with loving eyes.

Evan turned both bathtub knobs to the max, dipping his hand under the water before tinkering with the temperature.

"Oh, Evan Darling, where is your wand?" Evan gestured to his bed, helping Barty step out of his now soaked pants. You quickly fetched it before handing it over to Evan. Evan pointed the tip at Barty's stomach. Barty grumbled, yanking the wand out of Evan's hands.

"I want the scar. It's a little heart, how could I not love it?" Evan hummed at Barty's bargaining. Evan glanced over at you. You shrugged and held your hands up, instead focusing on making a warm bubble bath for Barty.

"I suppose." Evan muttered. You know if Barty had access to all of his Barty brain he'd 'yippee' though now you settled from his little sigh of triumph. Evan pointed his wand back at Barty's cuts, quickly scaring over them like they've been there for years. Barty smiled happily running his fingers over the new heart scar. Evan turned back to you, finding the bath dyed acid green and a pile of bubbles on top. Evan gave you a grimace. You scoffed at him, latching on to Barty's hand.

"Have you never heard of fun? Whimsy? Joy and all things nice? Party pooper." You muttered as you helped Barty into the bath. Barty grinned up at Evan.

"It's great. Love, love, love green." Evan rolled his eyes at Barty. You both assisted Barty through his bathing routine, praising him for how well he did tonight. Evan focused mainly on Barty's hair routine as you whispered to Barty appreciation for his hard work. You switched roles when it came to washing Barty's body.

You worked on the stains, being gentle to his bruises. Evan's praises made Barty hide his face in your arm, as you rinsed him off.

As you drained the tub Evan set out pajamas for Barty on the sink counter. You helped dry off Barty. You asked if he wanted to blow dry his hair, Barty said it was 'too mother fucking loud'. Evan dressed Barty, sealing his new outfit with a peck to Barty's cheek. Barty hopped up on the counter, watching as Evan wiped your face clean. You cleaned his chin with the same wet rag.

Then you three brushed your teeth, Barty trying to fight you over the sink territory. You did not amuse him, rolling your eyes at him and moving to Evan's sink. Barty tucked himself into Evan's bed. Evan washed off the dagger in his sink as you scrubbed under your nails.

"Are you guys going to come give me love or just stand in the bathroom all day." Barty yelled across the room into the bathroom. Evan scoffed and wiped the knife off with a towel. Evan leaned his head out the bathroom door.

"Barty, respectfully, shut your fucking mouth." Evan turned back to the dagger, sheathing it and putting back in its place.

"Make me, bitch." Evan stared up at the ceiling when Barty's voice chimed again. You continued to run the tiny brush under your nails as you stood in the bathroom door frame.

"We're almost done, Baby. Just be patient." You said towards the Barty shaped pile of blankets. You moved back to the sink, rinsing the suds off. Evan closed the shoebox, flicking his wand at it. The box flew out the bathroom and tucked itself under Evan's bed, as you assumed.

"I'm no good at that." Barty said, although it was muffled from the 900 blankets stacked on top of him. Evan kissed your cheek, smiling at your now unstained hands.

"We can tell." Evan muttered. Evan turned the bathroom light off on his way out. He dragged you towards his bed, pointing at the mattress.

"I heard that."

"I know." Evan rolled his eyes as he walked over to Barty's bed. You tucked yourself into Evan's bed. Barty quickly snuggled up against you, wrapping his arms around you, squeezing tightly. He intertwined your legs.

"Alright give me a little oxygen." You whispered. Barty grumbled, loosening his grip. You glanced over at Evan watching him swish his wand at the mattress. He came back muttering about clean sheets. Evan spooned Barty, reaching over him to hold your hand. Barty fell asleep first, snoring loudly. You were next, falling asleep feeling Evan press a peck to your temple.

Part two

#rosekiller x reader #evan rosier #evan rosier x reader #evan rosier x barty crouch jr #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr #barty x evan #barty x reader #barty crouch jr x reader #rosekiller #the marauders era #the maraunders map #marauders era #marauders #the marauders #dead gay wizards #evan x barty #evan x reader #yeah okay

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akookminsupporter · 2 months ago

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ARE YOU SURE?!: SIXTH EPISODE

MY IMPRESSIONS

Preface: This is not an analysis post, and honestly, I don’t want to overanalyse their interactions or everything they said and did—many others are already doing that. My intention with this post is simply to share my thoughts on the episodes, my impressions, and perhaps my conclusions.

I’m writing this as I watch the episodes for the second time.

Oh no, just from the intro, we can already tell we won’t survive Sapporo. I mean, that alone screams COMFORT.

So, no clips or mention of the time they spent in Tokyo? I wonder if we’ll see that in Jungkook’s documentary? Will Jimin be there too? Not just in Tokyo, but in New York as well. Oh, will we see Jimin celebrating with Jungkook when he released his single "3D"? That happened while they were in New York, right?

It seems unreal that we’re going to get so much content of blonde Jimin and black-haired Jungkook together.

How do you subconsciously say something? Hahaha, when did they say that? I wonder if the original plan was for the show to end in Jeju. The fact that there’s no clip of them deciding to go to Japan before actually going, like what happened when they decided to go to Jeju, makes me think that the trip wasn’t part of the initial plan. I wonder if, when it was confirmed Jungkook was going to Japan for work, they said something like, "Oh, I’d love to go to Japan one last time" or something similar, and the agency didn’t think it was a bad idea.

God, Jungkook mentioning their trip to Tokyo and then saying THAT'S WHY he wanted to go back… my heart! Plus, the tone in which he said it, while massaging Jimin’s neck and looking at him, not the camera… How do people expect us not to be… hopeful?

I don’t know if this is weird, but to me, Jungkook looks great with a mask and a big hoodie. It reminds me a lot of the picture I have as my profile picture. That’s one of my favourite photos of him.

Jimin reminding Jungkook to walk slowly (because Jimin walks slowly) is adorable. Did you notice how Jimin was holding Jungkook’s hand while it was inside his hoodie?

Okay. Them in the car. The angle. The closeness. Jungkook’s expressions. They DO NOT HELP CALM MY IMAGINATION. Also, I don’t understand their seating arrangements. Jungkook looked HOT in that clip. Bro, the car was spacious. Why did they decide to film the clip like that? Oh, Jikook.

Jungkook loves getting the camera up close to Jimin’s face. I guess he loves his eyes. God, saying he can see a lot when Jimin asked if he could see anything… JUNGKOOK!

It’s no longer "Ppeuri" but "standing next to you". I guess this is my tinhat moment of the post. Do these songs, especially the words or parts of Jungkook’s songs, have double meanings for them? Because the way they said them and the way they looked at each other while doing so tells me yes, but I don’t know if it’s just what I want to believe or…

Jimin and Jungkook sitting in their hotel room, deciding what to do or eat, is everything right with the world. I LOVE these moments in the show. I appreciate that the editors decided to include more of this. They should’ve done the same when they were in the US.

Ahh, Jungkook’s best ship will always be him and food hahaha.

Sharing sausage is fine, and even beer – though Jimin didn’t end up drinking any because Jungkook had already drunk it all – but Jungkook crosses the line by eating the potato skin just because Jimin touched it with his fingers. Okay, Jeon Jungkook.

Jungkook, what video did you watch? When did you watch it? Didn’t Jimin film the video he was talking about the day before the trip?

Jimin forgetting about the camera and, with it, the fact they were filming a show told me he was comfortable enough on the trip not to see it as "work".

They don’t know the concept of personal space, do they?

Them making jokes or comments about when they’d be in the military is both funny and sad. Why did they make them do that? They should be on stage, not on the border with the crazies from the north!

They love snow.

When the clip of Jungkook falling came out in the show’s trailers, I thought he was imitating Jimin’s part from "Spring Day", but it turns out he actually fell hahaha.

Jungkook being sure that Jimin would love the gimbap triangle he chose… he knows him well!

Again with the "standing next to you", and this time Jimin said part of it, paused, and Jungkook continued. That means something more between them. Either that, or I’m going crazy hahaha.

Jimin and Jungkook bickering over the most mundane, often domestic things is everything.

Fluffy Jimin and Jungkook!

I’m confused. Was Jungkook talking about the restaurant they went to in Tokyo in 2017? But then Jungkook said he went there that day, and Jimin said he’d gone a few days before. So, they were saying that they went back to the restaurant recently, right?

Ahhh, so Taemin recommended that restaurant to Jimin, and that’s why Jimin and Jungkook went there when they travelled to Tokyo in 2017. Each of them remembering things from the trip the other didn’t is what I call teamwork, or I guess it’s team memory hahaha.

It’s too sweet seeing the hyung line, especially, almost in denial of the fact that Jungkook is all grown up, that he’s an incredible person and an amazing artist. They’re all proud of their maknae.

I really appreciate how Jungkook never makes Jimin feel bad for wanting to eat more or anything like that. On the contrary, he’s always cared about Jimin eating well and eating enough.

Jungkook calling each destination a season - no pun intended - is hilarious. Jungkook, I need more seasons, please!

Jungkook with a headband is too cute.

Jimin and Jungkook love the snow. And Sapporo. Also, they’re great ambassadors for CD and CK, hahaha.

We’ve all been Jungkook, scolding ourselves for eating and drinking too much. I’m like Jungkook almost every day, hahaha.

Jungkook saying he’ll remember those moments from the trip, aka being with Jimin when he’s in the army… with Jimin, that’s everything. Jimin’s comedic timing is everything.

Jungkook predicting Jimin’s intentions… again, hahaha, they know each other so well. Oh, and Jungkook taking a few minutes to choose which glasses to wear because, according to him, none looked good on him. Then Jimin just picks the first pair Jungkook chose, and they look great on him – that’s comedy gold. The way he looked at him, like “Really?” Hahaha.

Jungkook loves the snow. The cold. The winter.

They seriously don’t know the concept of personal space. Also, their bickering is always super funny.

By the way, Jungkook’s bag or pouch or whatever it was – it’s so cute!

Jungkook made Jimin do the sign of the cross over his food with the camera? I mean, I guess that’s some kind of ritual? Hahaha.

I don’t care how this sounds: Every time Jimin talks down about his looks or his body, I just want to slap him a couple of times to make him understand that he’s beautiful, handsome, lovely, incredible. Gorgeous inside and out.

Jungkook’s mission was to make special memories to remember during his military service. And it’s sweet that those memories were made with Jimin so they can reminisce about them together while they serve because they enlisted together. Will they talk about that?

It makes as much sense as Jungkook not wanting to eat the potato skin because Jimin touched it with his fingers but was totally fine with those same fingers in his mouth. That logic is slightly illogical, but I guess it makes sense to him.

Jungkook loves Sapporo.

Joking about their military service was their way of coping, hahaha. It’s not funny, but I’m laughing.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up living in Japan, hahaha. They really do have a special connection with certain cities in that country.

Was it really that hard for the editors to give us more of this in the USA? Like, I want to see the everyday Jimin and Jungkook. Not in a rush, just enjoying everything. Being happy simply by… being. That said, it’s hilarious seeing Jimin and Jungkook acting “normal” in Sapporo, with security and their managers behind them, hahaha.

Wait, so Jimin saw the same video as Jungkook where someone was talking about how to talk to cats or something like that? Do they share accounts, and send each other funny videos all the time, or are they really just that similar? Which is it?

The editing the team did to avoid showing the inside of the train station and the train is hilarious, hahaha.

I love how Jungkook will always be gentle with Jimin.

Jimin covering his right ear because he was wearing one of Jungkook’s AirPods, even though he’s a Samsung ambassador, is so funny. And it was even more obvious – and therefore funnier – when Jungkook said they were listening to a Japanese song and he was only using one AirPod, hahaha.

Again, do they have the same 'For You' pages on every video platform, or do they constantly send each other links, or are they really that similar that they watch the same content? Because Jimin always gets the meme or joke references Jungkook makes. And he always plays along. And vice versa.

Jimin deserves an award for not showing that AirPod, hahaha. My question is, wouldn’t it have been easier to just use Samsung headphones or something?

JUNGKOOK RESTING HIS HEAD ON JIMIN’S SHOULDER IS TOO CUTE. ONE OF THE SOFTEST, SWEETEST, SHYEST, AND MOST PERSONAL MOMENTS BETWEEN JIMIN AND JUNGKOOK.

Sapporo, you will always be special.

Jimin and Jungkook don’t know the concept of personal space.

Awww, Jimin talking about having a daughter. I’ve no doubt he’d be a great dad.

Jungkook telling Jimin he didn’t want him to drive without actually saying he didn’t want him to drive is peak Jungkook when it comes to Jimin.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Jungkook do that hand gesture he and Jimin use when they’re telling themselves to focus on something, hahaha.

Jimin really loves the song 'Hate You'. I remember how, during Jungkook’s concert, he said in the comments that it was his favourite song.

That’s right, Jungkook! Screw society’s standards. It’s a shame we couldn’t hear 'Christmas Day'. As compensation, they should give us another song together.

Okay, but being a bit serious, them walking in that place under the snow, with their coordinated outfits, huge smiles, and constant giggles, it almost looked idyllic. Romantic. Sometimes it’s not our imagination – it’s them giving our imagination material, hahaha.

Them going to a… museum? I think it’s a museum or something like that, about whisky, it's so… hahaha. Yoongi would be proud. They’re so funny, so chaotic, and so quirky. And the most impressive thing is how well they match. Also, they really like role-playing. Like, it’s one of their things.

Nooo, they forgot to pay! They probably thought the staff would handle it, hahaha. Jungkook giving the card to Jimin is so relatable – I’d do the same out of embarrassment. Jungkook having to pay in cash at the end is hilarious. Seriously, they’re funny without even trying. My question is, was that their personal card or the company’s? Hahaha.

Jimin and Jungkook don’t know the concept of personal space.

Jimin and Jungkook seriously love the snow. Like, really, really love it. They just click, you know?

When the clip of them playing in the snow came out in one of the trailers, I remember someone on Twitter saying they’d bet that after Jungkook threw the snow block at Jimin and dusted off his hands, he went straight over to help Jimin brush the snow off himself – and damn, they were right. And I don’t know if that means we know their dynamic that well, or if Jungkook’s just that predictable when it comes to Jimin... although, isn’t that basically the same thing?

Honestly, it’s impressive how they instantly get references from memes or viral videos the other made because, how on earth did they even find that video of... Ken? Saying "good" every two seconds? Seriously, how? Did Jimin send it to Jungkook or did Jungkook send it to Jimin? Because I refuse to believe they’re that similar, to the point their 'For You' pages or video recommendations are practically the same.

Jungkook, you didn’t eat the potato skin because Jimin touched it, but you’ll... never mind.

The fact that they pointed out they think the same way is funny to us as fans, because it’s like, wow, Jimin and Jungkook just said that if you put your hand in a glass of water, it’ll get wet, hahaha.

It’s hilarious that Jungkook wondered what it would be like if they were the same age. I suppose he was talking from a cultural POV and it's funny because their dynamic doesn’t really fit that context, and that’s one of the main things that sets them apart from the other members or their dynamics with them. Jungkook often comes across as Jimin’s hyung, and Jimin’s fine with it – which is crazy when you remember that’s something Jimin really respects. Jungkook often drops the honorifics with Jimin or speaks informally to him, and it feels natural like they do it all the time. So, him saying that is funny because their relationship would probably be exactly the same as it is now, except Jungkook would never call Jimin hyung.

Jungkook, YOU TWO ARE ALREADY EACH OTHER's COPY!

Jungkook, I need you to keep your promise and tell us the real story about that fight between Jimin and Tae, hahaha.

Hearing them talk about their future plans, touring again, and all seven being together is beautiful. I can’t wait for 2025. Damn, I need money.

MY CONCLUSIONS ON THE SIXTH EPISODE

I loved this episode. Like I said in another post, it’s my second favourite episode of the show so far.

Here, we returned to that normality in their dynamic and the show, that we saw in the first two episodes. We went back to the calm, the tranquillity of their trip. I loved that the editors decided to show more of Jimin and Jungkook’s day just… being. Discovering or exploring their surroundings.

I loved that domesticity that many of us were craving to see again.

Sapporo feels different. More intimate, more… melancholic. I suppose it’s because of the moment they were in, in their lives, and what would happen a few weeks after that trip. That said, I also think it’s because of Jimin and Jungkook. Here, we didn’t see that little awkwardness we saw in the first episode. Here, they weren’t adjusting to anything. They weren’t reconnecting, so to speak. They were just them from the start. Literally, from the beginning of the episode, I loved that. I loved seeing them happy and more in sync than ever in this show, honestly – and that says a lot when we’re talking about Jimin and Jungkook.

Something I love about AYS is that it gave Jimin and Jungkook the chance to be “normal”, and to do ordinary things like go to a supermarket or ride a train. And yes, I know they do that kind of thing in Korea, especially the two of them, but maybe not with as much freedom. And yes, I know they had a security team with them, but I hope you get what I mean.

Something I’ve really appreciated seeing is how much Jimin and Jungkook validate each other’s wants. And I don’t mean anything dramatic or anything like that, but the little things like Jungkook wanting to eat more and Jimin saying it doesn’t matter, go ahead, or asking if they should order more food or saying he should get his beer like it’s no big deal. Jungkook telling Jimin it was fine if he wanted another gimbap triangle, etc. They validate and encourage each other to do things they’re hesitant about, whether it’s buying something or eating something – they don’t mock or criticise the other for it. That’s so sweet and important to see in any relationship. Validation and words of affirmation. These are two fundamental things in any kind of relationship, no matter what type. And not just that, I love how throughout the whole show they made sure the other was happy, asking if they liked what they were doing or what they did. The subtle way they care for each other, not just from a material or physical standpoint but also emotionally, is so beautiful to watch.

I loved Sapporo. I loved Jimin and Jungkook in Sapporo, and it makes me sad to think that the show is coming to an end, but I’m treasuring every smile, every moment, every laugh. I’m going to cherish the fact that they shared all those moments with us.

I can imagine many people are happy with this episode because it gave us the same feeling that the first two episodes did. And I don’t blame them. I still think the Jeju episodes were good because they highlighted the difference in the dynamic between Jimin and Jungkook compared to how they interact with other members but Sapporo will always be special. I can’t wait to see the next episode.

Jimin and Jungkook could totally pull off the funniest thing in the world at the end of AYS by releasing a song together. Actually, why just one song? An EP would be amazing!

If you’ve made it this far, I’m sorry and thank you—I just couldn’t stop writing ajajajajaa.

#ask #anon #jkk show #rosie's thoughts

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engeorged · 11 months ago

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Santa’s Otto

This is a sequel to Obi's Place and a prequel to Aster's Maze. Also now The Sugarman’s House

It’s been a while since I last posted, and a fair bit has happened with me and Aster, but that’s something that’s still developing. Being in a relationship with a magical being is not something that’s been mapped, outside of Greek fables, so we are still finding our way with it. Suffice to say we are both very happy and very together. Both of us have grown quite a bit. Physically, mentally and spiritually shall we say. (And by that I mean quite a lot more physically than the other two). But I think that that's a story for another time. I want it to be mine for a little longer.

Anyway, as Christmas is coming up, I thought I would tell you about an encounter I had, just a few months before meeting Aster. As it turned out, it wasn't actually me meeting a fae, but it definitely gave me some confirmation, and I think some of you will really enjoy this story! It’s about the time I met Santa in Germany. Yes, I know how that sounds, but you’re going to have to bear with me.

I’d headed to Europe a few months earlier and was working my way through some possible sightings. I hadn’t seen or met another being like Obi yet, but I’d definitely picked up some promising clues. A few things which I thought were legit, had led me to northern Germany where I immediately hit a dead end. German Christmas’ are some of the best in the world so I decided to stay a few weeks and have a break from the search. I’d been enjoying the sights of some famous local castle, and was feeling a bit hungry so I popped into a medium sized shopping mall I’d seen earlier and headed in. It was pretty quiet, which was strange considering it was the Saturday before Christmas but as I was walking through looking for something to eat, my eye was drawn to an incredibly hot man doing some maintenance work. He was dressed in an overall but it was open all the way down to his waist, revealing an incredibly toned physique. His very worked on, defined abs were covered in a delightful amount of belly fur all the way up to his thick neck and he was very much my type. I paused for a moment to drink him in and watched as he heaved some large boxes as if they were nothing. He was maybe an inch taller than me with broad shoulders and a thick head of dark messy hair with a fade at the sides. His beautifully pale European skin along with his darker hair and smattering of freckles was very striking. His face was covered in just the right amount of stubble to make him look rugged but not scruffy. But the crowning glory was his eyes! They were a vibrant pale blue that practically shone out from his face. As he turned and bent down to pick up the next box, I was surprised that his rounded meaty ass didn’t burst out of those overalls. They were unfortunately doing a good job at holding back all that muscle. I shook off my horny reverie and made a note to come back round after lunch to see if he was still there. Following my nose, I headed in the direction of food and found a little pop-up Christmas food court. I indulged in a few thick sausages and some delightful potato and apple cakes which were not bad at all. I took another couple of sausages to go and headed back the way I’d come, hoping to catch the hot maintenance guy again.

I hung around near where I first saw him for a good twenty minutes before I heard a commotion a bit further down. I walked over to where the sound was coming from and saw the festive grotto. Santa had arrived for the Christmas display. Kids were clamouring round excitedly and as I watched I saw Santa make his way through the crowds. I was yet again surprised to see that this was not your average sad old failed actor, living out his last working years as the big red fat man for a few euros an hour. This guy was young and vibrant. His broad shoulders were straining the limits of the outfit, with the white fur trim (probably real, this is Europe after all!) curving round and showing off the enormous belly. At first I assumed it was padded but it definitely caught my eye. The guy was so clearly stacked that the belly looked almost comical. It was almost perfectly round and stuck out a good foot and a half from this guy's toned body. As I watched him moving around I started noticing that the belly wasn’t squishy like a pillow would have been. It had a certain heft to it that I was very familiar with. I moved forward to get a better look and saw a kid, who wasn’t paying attention, get under his feet, tripping him up. He fell backwards onto a small elf house and levelled it. As he fell, his red coat came undone and I got a good glimpse of the huge round furry belly that was contained underneath. It was a thing of beauty, rounded and perfectly formed. Covered in dark thick hair with a small and neat belly button. He quickly pulled himself up and closed the coat, laughing it off. As he adjusted his fake white beard I caught a glimpse of his piercing pale blue eyes. I’d seen them before. Was the maintenance guy? What the fuck? I’d seen him an hour before and he was practically an underwear model. Either he’d got a Hollywood level makeup and prosthetic artist hidden round the back or there was something fishy going on.

My mind was racing. If that belly was real, it had to have grown in less than an hour? Who was he? Was this guy somehow a Fae? A crazy thought passed through my mind, was this actually Santa? I know I’d chased round the world for less weird ideas but the idea that Santa might have been real, was still a bit out there, even for me. Also, more importantly, did I have a crush on Santa?

I waited around till his shift ended. I couldn’t keep my eyes off this guy's belly. It was incredible. There was no flab or excess blubber, it looked like a solid mass of muscle over a huge sphere of gut. Well, like I was after Obi! I couldn’t lose this guy. This was the closest I’d come to answers in months. It was fascinating to watch him in action, the kids were captivated by him, and so were the parents. I couldn’t help but notice that he paid a fair bit of attention to some of the more hot dads, often touching them on the arm as he laughed at their bad jokes.

A few hours later, I saw him waving goodbye to the children before disappearing behind the grotto. I followed him and waited till he was alone. I approached him quietly so he didn’t have time to bolt and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped out of his skin and span round, yet again revealing his massive ball belly as his coat flapped open. I introduced myself and told him I’d enjoyed his performance. Fortunately, he spoke very good English and understood me. He cautiously introduced himself as Otto and shook my hand. He took his beard off and I saw his face up close. It was so odd to see such a handsome and chiselled face sporting such a huge gut but there they both were. I didn’t really know where to go from there so I simply came out with it. I saw him an hour earlier and he had no belly. Now here he was with a 150 lbs beer gut. What was the deal? Was magic involved?

He stared at me for a little while, clearly weighing up what to say. I wasn’t sure if he was gonna bolt so I got myself ready for a chase, but suddenly he burst out with a hearty laugh and pulled me in for a hug. His belly pressing against me hit home how real it was. Our bellies pushed against each other with a satisfying thunk. As he pulled back he put his hands on either side of my belly and gave me a squeeze. As you know I’m not skinny myself, a few months of trying to eat myself into the same state as I was when Obi finished with me had added a few pounds to my bulk. Simply by touching me, Otto knew instantly that something magical had happened to me and asked me who I’d met. I told him about my encounter in the cafe and he nodded and smiled as if he understood. When I’d finished, he told me that my story was familiar and thanked me for telling it and turned to go. I reached out and grabbed his arm and asked him to tell me his story. He smiled and told me that it wasn’t going to be that simple.

We chatted for a while and worked out the terms of our agreement. As is always the way with these magical types there was always some sort of bargain or deal to be had. He agreed to answer 5 questions but to answer the questions I would have to eat something of his choosing. Now I’m not able to eat the amount I did when Obi was around but I’m still an accomplished eater. I agreed to the terms and we headed to the Christmas food market. He found us a delightful booth made from wood, with garlands of holly and pine branches covering the roof and headed off for my first meal. He returned with three of the sausages I’d already eaten. They were so good I was happy and I set about eating them whilst he sat there with a smile on his face enjoying a large European litre of beer. I thought about my first question and went with it. ‘Are you Santa?’ He scratched at his stubble and smiled a wry grin. ‘No’ he said smugly and lumbered off to get my next meal. I was pissed that my question wasn’t quite right. I needed to ask something more open ended. I was still thinking about what to ask when he returned with a thick crepe, stuffed with cheese and bacon and covered in more cheese. I grabbed a wooden set of cutlery and started eating.

As I finished, I began feeling a little full. Seven hot dogs, a pancake and some of those amazing apple potato fritters were heavy and not insignificant. I leant back and gave my belly a rub whilst I formulated my question. I needed a question that would make him give me more information than yes or no. I needed to find out if he was human and if not what he was. It came to me. ‘When did you first find you could grow an instant belly?’ His blue eyes twinkled, clearly impressed by my question. Draining the last dregs of his beer he leant back to match my position and began.

‘I was just out of university and was back living with my parents. I’d decided by then that I wanted to do something practical and started training as an electrician. It was Christmas Eve and I’d been out with my friends and came home pretty drunk and I crashed. Now I was pretty into the gym at the time and I had a killer body. Well, I guess you'd have seen it if you caught me earlier? Anyway, I woke up Christmas morning with this thing pinning me down!’ He grabbed his belly and attempted to shake it but it didn’t really move.

‘I had no idea what had happened and if I’m honest I sort of assumed it was the beer from the previous night. I thought I’d had an allergic reaction or something. Anyway, I went to the hospital to get checked out and they were baffled. No one could explain what had happened to me. With no answers I headed back to the gym and started training. I had 160 lbs to lose and I wanted it gone quickly. I hadn’t lost my muscle mass and so training was relatively easy. It took me 10 months in total but I managed it and got back into shape. I was maybe 20 lbs more than when I got the gut but it was all muscle mass so I was very much back in shape. I thought it was all behind me and then a few months later I woke up on Christmas morning yet again looking like I was pregnant with triplets. No one could tell me what had happened and so it all started again. Five years that happened for. Five years.’

I waited for more but that was all he was giving me. I went to ask another question and he stopped me and headed off. So he wasn’t a magical being. Something had happened to him? And why did it always happen on Christmas Day? What was the link? He returned with a huge turkey sandwich, dripping with gravy and cranberry sauce, with a side of roast vegetables. Yet again I dove in, all the time formulating my next question. Something was not quite right here. How did he go from ballooning every Christmas Day to being able to do it seemingly at will, in an hour? I was missing something here? I had three questions left and I didn’t want to waste one of them. I finished the sandwich (best one I’ve ever had by the way) and posed my next question. ‘Did you find out why this happened to you?’ He smiled again and nodded. I instantly regretted my wording. I’d given him a yes or no question again. He paused and offered me a lifeline. ‘Ask me about him?’ He pointed at the mural painted on the ceiling above us of a jolly Santa riding his sleigh across the sky.

That was all he was willing to give me and he left me to work on my fourth question. I needed to ask something about Father Christmas and how he was involved. So Father Christmas was real? My mind raced as I tried to get comfier in my chair. I was feeling the bloat now. The cheese in that pancake was sitting very heavily on my stomach. Otto returned with a bowl of steaming Christmas pudding. He’d brought me a whole one covered in custard that could have fed a family of six. I settled in to eat the fragrant dessert. I was struggling a bit now. It was a heavy thing to pack on top of what I’d already had. Otto was clearly enjoying watching me eat it though. He was on his fourth beer at this point and wasn’t really showing any signs of being drunk. Apparently Germans can really handle their beer.

Finishing the pudding I dropped my spoon into the bowl. ‘Alright.’ I said, belching deeply under my breath. ‘You’ve just told me Santa is part of this. If Santa is real then he’s obviously some sort of magical being or fae. Here’s my question.’ I reached over and put my hand on the top of his massive belly shelf and patted it. ‘How does Santa give you this belly every Christmas Day?’

‘Now we’re getting somewhere!’ Otto added. He drained his beer again and I swore under my fingers I could feel his belly swelling a little bit more. ‘After year five of doctors and experts not knowing why I gained nearly 200 lbs every year, I started getting desperate. I did some research online and put some feelers out there. I wasn’t expecting to find the answers I found! Turns out there are loads of guys like me around the world and we all have several things in common. All of us are over 6 feet tall, and all of us are pretty into fitness or sports. Big solid strapping men. Not one of them knew what was happening to us. That was until I found a guy in Norway who has a theory. He told me this crazy story. He’d heard rumours of this happening for hundreds of years. There were some Norwegian folk tales of trolls who would trick mortal men into being their ‘Magebror’, literally translated as ‘belly brother’. The trolls would then go off and gorge themselves all night and the poor magebror would begin to get fatter and fatter until they would burst open. He thought that we were cursed by trolls and we should simply thank the gods we weren’t bursting open. Obviously I ignored him but the more research I did the more I found out that there were some truths in these myths. It wasn’t something he’d invented but a real fable that appeared in several different folk laws across Scandinavia. I got back in touch with him and he’d vanished, so I headed off to Norway to try and find him. It took me a while but eventually I did. And low and behold he was 6’6 and stacked but with a huge pot belly twice the size of mine. He told me he’d been investigating more and more and had uncovered the truth. It wasn’t trolls doing this to us, it was Father Christmas. I could have punched him in the face. I’d gone all this way only to find that the guy truly was mental. I didn’t even say goodbye. I headed straight back home, gave up the search and tried to lose the weight again before Christmas.’

‘Christmas Eve came and I couldn’t quite shake the idea that this guy had put in my head. I decided to sit up and see if I could stay awake to see what would happen. I nearly didn’t make it but as the clock struck midnight something changed in the house. I felt an electricity in the air and you can imagine my surprise when he landed with a thump in my fireplace. And he was not how I imagined him to look. In front of me was not a fat old man with a grey beard, but a total hunk. He was tall and muscled like I used to be. Clean shaved but with some incredible big dick energy. Like some sort of daddy stud. I don't quite remember fully but I think he did have some ram horns sprouting from his head but they might have been part of the costume? It was a lot anyway. He smiled as if he recognised me. We waited in silence for a few minutes. I was totally enthralled by how attractive he was. I almost didn’t want to ask my question. Eventually I managed to speak and asked why I was gaining weight every Christmas Day. He seemed all too pleased to tell me as he launched into the explanation. It was simple, he had a few billion homes to visit every year and in every country, there was a tradition to leave food out for him. He had to eat millions of cookies and mince pies and treats in just a few hours as he travelled. And so he used magic! He would choose a load of men, all who had the frame to handle the mass, and they would be his magebror. He’d learnt from the trolls how to do it. He would eat the food and they would get fat. I was simply one of a few hundred guys who would wake up with bellies packed full of treats every year so he could stay toned and handsome. And that's why I got fat every year!’

So it wasn’t just me that had encountered these guys. This was finally some proof that what happened to me in that diner was real! The relief for me was immense. I wasn’t going mad. My mind was pulled back to earth as Otto stood to get my final meal. I had one more question. The one thing I didn’t know was how he could do it at will. He’d obviously found a way to control how and when he bulked up. And the intimate question, could he teach me how to do it? He returned with the final meal. A huge ironic plate full of cookies. There were at least a dozen and they were big ones. He slapped them on the table next to a large jug of milk. Obediently and greedily I started eating them. Dipping them in the milk,I was determined to get through them. One by one I swallowed each one down. Adding to the knot of pressure in my already overpacked stomach. My belly was feeling every bite as it distended outwards. Finishing the cookies was tough but I still had a few litres of milk to chug. There was nothing for it but to go for it. Lifting the jug to my lips I poured the cool milk into my stuffed gut. It felt good and horrible at the same time. I could feel my belly actually swelling out and straining my taut T-shirt. As the last of the milk drained down my throat, I slammed the jug on the table. Out of breath I posed my final question. ‘How do you control it? How come you can make your belly swell out when you want it to? How can I do that?’

His eyes sparkled. ‘That was three questions!’ He laughed. He reached over and gave my belly a stroke. He was firm but it was the touch of someone who knew how to handle a distended gut. ‘You’ve done well though! I’ll answer them. When I caught Santa out that night, I was the first one. No one had tracked him down before and he was pleased with me. I don’t wanna kiss and tell but let’s just say I sat on Santa's lap and he gave me a gift! He gave me the same ability that he has. The weight of food he eats, I can manage myself. Meaning I can gain his weight at will, whenever I like. Then all I have to do to get rid of it is touch a guy like he does and he becomes my magebror! I’m not magic so it’s not quite as strong as his abilities are. My magebrors are only temporary and one offs.’

I was so stuffed I didn’t quite pick up on what he was saying but I nodded anyway. That explained why he was touching the hot dads in the queue. The idea of a load of guys walking up tomorrow morning a few pounds heavier was kinda hot. To be honest, I was just relieved that I wasn’t imagining things. He helped me up out of the booth and we walked back through the mall. We chatted a bit more about my experience and some of the leads I’d found. All the while I was painfully aware of how full I was. I couldn’t stop belching as we walked, the movement dislodging the gas. As I walked, I kept one hand on the top of my gut, rubbing my bloated belly to try and ease the pressure. I’d not felt this stuffed for a while and it felt good.

I walked him back to his truck and he jumped in. As he jumped up I realised he was back to his original toned and lean self. I pointed it out and he just smiled as he drove off. As I stood in the snow processing the information I’d just been given I was interrupted by a ping. I was confused until I realised my trousers had become loose. The ping was my top button from my jeans. I looked down to see my belly was twice the size as it was when I had finished eating. I realised that he’d touched me as he helped me out of the booth. I had become his magebror! My belly had to be close to the same size it was when Obi had his way with me. I smiled as I explored my swollen belly with my hands. Also, it wasn’t lost on me that I’d just had a conversation with someone who had fucked Santa.

For the rest of my stories click here

#belly expansion #gainer fiction #gay gainer #stuffing #belly fiction #gainer stories #male gaining #stuffing art #gainer story #gainer artwork

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kalechipswithasideofkale · 5 months ago

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my adrenaline has gone down finally so i feel i can give my thoughts on this season

no more faks! no more! please!

i think the series is taking inspiration from different art movements and genres. season one - surrealism?, season two - modernism?, season three - baroque? im not well versed on this stuff but i definitely noticed they use different forms of art to make the seasons feel different from one another

piggybacking off the earlier bulletin; i think thats also why this season feels like all flash and no substance. whatever movement or era they decided to do with season three is very ou la la oui oui i zam an artist bonjour /nm its very different from the movements they went with in the past seasons. this one feels serious and fancy smancy

i still think they’re going to go through with sydcarmy and this season just solidifies it. syd and carmy are severly mentally ill with issues they need to work out. they dont handle stress and expectations well if at all.

i think some of the things being said by the characters are being taken at face value specifically carmy calling claire peace. i dont think the writers are writing claire to be a source of peace for carmy; hes just so in denial and confused about his emotions he knows he supposed to feel peace from claire but cant figure out why he doesnt

i missed marcus sweeps and tina in this season so much. and syd! i was excited for sweeps to go to wine school only for it to be a one off thing. the tina episode was good but thats the only thing i can think of from the top of my head that she stood out in. marcus’ mom died? but it feels like she didnt die at all? like the weight of his moms death isnt being felt in his character and that made me really sad. i wanted a little more with syd and marcus with their moms :/

im not angry at carmy somehow? i just feel this deep sadness because he is so unlike himself. my initial frustrations with the season made it hard for me to look at his character. now that ive calmed down, he just makes me sad. like thinking about him makes me feel like a wet sausage dude he needs serious help and im scared he’s gonna do something very bad in this next season/part

i was really hoping there would be more parallels between new york carmy and current syd. they might explore it in season 4 and i really hope they do!

where tf was everyone else in the emergency room and why was it the two faks. there is no dissection in the world that will make me okay with those losers being there im sawry

syd being the first person sugar called and claire being the last mhm yup 🙂‍↕️

a good chunk of claire and carmys scenes being muted or cool colors once again!

RICHIE AND HIS DAUGHTER AA!! i wish they had an entire episode dedicated to them theyre so cute!

theres something to be said about loneliness and isolation this season? again i would need to rewatch the season. something something carmy pushing syd away something something nat fearing giving birth because of her mom something something syd having a breakdown and isolating herself from the rest of the fam something something

pete ❤️

chris you have reached ur limit on white male characters enough is enough theres NO MORE ROOM

ngl i actually liked seeing john cena on my screen yall pls

why are we so close to everyones face i zont like zat at all

i thought they were going to bring louis back and got so excited!!! BRING BACK LOUIS

they wrap up the claire storyline by season 4 or part three?? whatever theyre doing idk

LUCA!!!!!!

as much one sided beef i have with jlc she delivered i crode very hard

backseating the characters of color is very lame and bogus! i hated it! what happened to tinas friends she met at school? does ebra not have family? syd and her dad? marcus and his roommate? so many characters they could introduce from sydney marcus tina ebra fuck even angel and manny but they insist on introducing characters that have ties to the berzattos. i hate it! i really do!

syds apartment? where did you go fren….

i wish they were more artsy fartsy with carmys internal struggles give me cringe film student vibes please ill take anything

FUCK CICERO he didnt do anything but PISS ME OFF >:(

why didnt they have syd work out the economics (or whatever tf that computer dude did do). didnt she do something like that in season one? i guess since cicero called him it makes sense

richie and nat are so adorable i love them!!!!

overall pretty mediocre season. it was okay for a show like the bear. i don’t agree with having an entire season dedicated to build up! or atleast in the way they’ve done it in season 3. season 1 was a prologue for the entire show yet it still felt like a complete season. alot of the things that went down in season three either could’ve been compressed into a shorter span of time or they could’ve gotten more episodes (as if its that easy lol but the pacing wouldn’t have suffered as much if the season was longer). um decent season? i dont hate it! i dont love it either. like i said it feels soulless and maybe thats the intention? idk man 😔

i will most definitely be seated for season four TRUST

#the bear spoilers #sydcarmy #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #tina marrero #gary sweeps #marcus brooks #luca the bear #richie jerimovich #i am calm #i think #that was a season!#there was some good #there was some not so good #the bear fx #how did i forget to tag the literal show #ebra the bear

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thesoftboiledegg · 1 year ago

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I wasn't sure what to make of "That's Amorte" before it aired. When signs pointed toward "the spaghetti comes from aliens," I wondered if we had a rehash of Futurama's "The Problem with Poppers," where the crew finds a delicious treat on a planet only to learn that the "popplers" are underdeveloped alien offspring.

Rick and Morty's take on Soylent Green also seemed likely. Everyone knows the twist: Soylent Green is people! A dark sci-fi concept like that could be a ripe parody for this series.

However, "That's Amorte" adapted a concept that other shows have referenced a thousand times and took a right turn. No one's angry at the humans for eating their suicide victims: in fact, they love the spaghetti and turn it into a corporate product.

This is an obvious shot at capitalism and how companies will destroy the environment, brutally slaughter animals and turn cities into concrete wastelands just to make a buck. And I mean--chowing down on this spaghetti isn't that different from eating meat. I'm an omnivore, but I kept thinking that at least these pasta producers chose to die.

The suicide element gave this episode a poignant touch instead of turning it into an edgelord slog where the humanoids kill people and throw them in a meat grinder. Admittedly, the clones leaned in that direction, and that scene also shows how Rick struggles to understand the world outside himself. He doesn't react when the clones kill each other, but one of his daughters is a clone, and he'd be horrified if anything happened to her.

On its own, "That's Amorte" is a great episode. However, when you take the whole series into account, the plot retreads the same old Morty narrative: Morty tries to do the right thing, it backfires, Rick dodges responsibility while antagonizing Morty to be petty, Rick gets stuck fixing everything and Morty tries to pretend it never happened.

I keep waiting for something good to happen to Morty. Rick has plenty of episodes where he makes positive changes: going to therapy ("Analyze Piss," "Air Force Wong"), improving his relationship with Jerry ("Final DeSmithation," "The Jerrick Trap"), trying to do right by Beth ("Bethic Twinstinct"), being kinder to Morty ("Full Meta Jackrick"), etc.

Season five doesn't emphasize his character development as much, but plenty of scenes show how much he's changing. Even season four has moments where he's gentler.

Rick's being his petty season-two self in "That's Amorte," but even here, he does the right thing by showing the world exactly what--and who--they're eating. In earlier seasons, he would've done that just to be an asshole. Here, I don't think that he was trying to torment people as much as he just knew that this spaghetti shitshow had to end.

Same with the spaghetti itself. He didn't feed it to the Smiths, then show them the dead body just to torture them. I think he genuinely wanted to share the spaghetti because it was delicious, but he also figured that they don't want to know where it comes from.

On a similar note, I enjoyed Rick's moments of physical gentleness. Great animation detail.

So Rick gets a little character development and saves the day again, and Morty gets...nothing. Just a rehash of old storylines. "Mortynight Run" in particular has almost the same plot, beat-for-beat.

"That's Amorte" touched on Morty's depression and his family's coldness toward him but didn't go further than that. Morty keeps cycling through the same issues with no resolution. He blows up in one episode, then shuts down the next. His attempts to do the right thing go astray. When's this kid going to catch a break?

Again, this episode isn't bad. It's funny, original and well-written and has a lot to say about ethics and capitalism. Still, I don't understand why reviews on other sites keep emphasizing Morty's character development because I didn't see much.

I will say that everyone's horror at where the spaghetti comes from was a great takedown of the meat industry. Everyone loves sausage, but nobody wants to see how it's made!

Still, next time we get a Morty episode, I hope that it says more about him and less about the world outside his cartoon.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #that's amorte #season seven #review

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thecr0wthatjamz · 5 months ago

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Thinking real hard about being Load!Era Jason Newsted’s partner rn…

Sfw

•He’d come home after rehearsals and be so tired! But you’d be greeting him with a hot meal, takeout, or fast food and a hug that makes it all worth it!

•He’d love, LOVE, LOVE to lay his head on your chest. Bonus points if you scrape your nails against his scalp and/or neck!

•He wouldn’t be the best cook. But I think he’d make the best scrambled eggs and pancakes! So every Sunday he’d either wake you up for breakfast in bed or would wait until you woke up so that he could make eggs and pancakes and you could make bacon and sausages!

•With all the crazy things that have happened on tour, one of his favorite past times with you became you doing some gardening while he painted in the yard in a comfortable silence! Sometimes he’d bring out a boombox and play cassette tapes of either Bob Marley or Elvis.

•On his days off from touring that he came home, you two would sit in the bath together. He’d be leaning back against you and with the damage he’s done to his neck, you’d be massaging his neck as well! Added bonus; he loves bubble baths.

•He loves giving you forehead kisses.

•When he’s away on tour, he’d leave you one of his Sepultura hoodies, since it smells so much like his cologne!

•Whenever he holds you, sometimes he’ll let you steal his glasses and wear them. He’d think you’re absolutely adorable.

•During this point in his life, his love language is either words of affirmation, physical touch, or acts of service. With all he had to go through with the boys in Metallica, he would do everything in his power to make sure that what you do, and just your presence alone, is greatly appreciated by him!

•I am a firm believer that when he receives a compliment, he gets a dumb little smile on his face with a blush before looking down at his hands or feet, awkwardly saying ‘thank you’! But I also believe that on nights where his confidence may be particularly low or his depression was really bad, he might tear up a little bit and would hide it with kisses.

•On nights where he can’t sleep due to his insomnia, he’s love to stare at you and at some point in the night, will start to trace your cheek with his thumb! Sometimes when he does that, you’d wake up and will always cuddle close to his chest.

#metallica #jason newsted #heavy metal #jason newsted x reader

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creat0rstudi0 · 3 months ago

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The Vigilante - Too Bad, There is No Rifle

Vigilante is the caretaker at the very cemetery where his grandfather and Pepperman are buried. His grandfather also used to work as a watchman, but he died because one day he was killed by wolves when he was returning to the village

- I confess, brothers, to you, I loved my grandfather.

- So, he beat you, didn't he?

- I swear, he beat for the cause.

Although he was strict, he taught me.

I got everything I know from my grandfather.

Well, when I wanted to mess around, I,

So here it's holy to hit a stick on the back.

My grandfather is gone, and I'm sad about that,

That his head is missing.

- So, what kind of trouble happened to Grandpa?

After all, he had at least a lot of health.

- Alas, there are no hunters in the area now,

And the beast began to disturb us more and more often.

I thought I'd make a sausage out of a wolf!

Yes, where will you find the offender now in the forest?

#pizza tower #pizza tower au #Pizza King and Jester Tower #the vigilante #art #my art #король и шут #Spotify

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ofc-vi-writes-too · 4 months ago

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a continuation of things that i think happen in my favorite fucked up silly little city (gotham)

• In hosptials in Gotham there’s another wing dedicated to super villain attacks Like how theres the ED, NICU, L&D, ICU, etc., theres another branch called Excessive Villain Attack Department (for) Emergencies. Also known as EVADE for short. it’s a brag to say you work in EVADE for doctors/nurses because A. the pay is ridiculously good, and B. how much extra stuff you had to learn to work there. People who work in EVADE have to go through weekly psych evaluations as well as physical testing to make sure they are still fit for duty.

• there are EVADE pop ups all around gotham so it’s citizens ares never more than 5 minutes away from medical attention. You have to work at a pop up before you’re allowed to work in EVADE in a real hosptial. People say working the pop ups is a lot harder and a lot nore stressfull, because people can come to you in really any condition out there.

• Similar to how kids in some areas cant wear certain colors like red or blue to school because of gang affiliation, gothamite students cannot wear anything superhero, vigilante or villain adjacent. No birds, bats, clowns, etc. Its a way for schools to try and stop kids from being targetted by their peers/ crazy adults who will attack them for supporting a specific person or party. Hero or otherwise.

• A lot of mom and pop diners/townie bars have foods named after vigilantes and specialty drinks named after villains. Some examples are:

Red Hoods Hot Chicken and Mac: bufallo mac and chicken with house hot sauce, so hot and tasty it will bring tears to your eyes! (this is true. jason tried it and he literally couldn’t feel his face. He couldn’t tell if he was blinking or not. Dick swears up and down he wasn’t.)

Nightwings: boneless chicken wings with a honey barbecue dry rub, with bleu cheese dipping sauce and chips and a blue corn dip. Dick can and will order 4 and eat them all by himself in one sitting.

Robins Eggs Breakfast combo: 2 sunny side up eggs, strawberry french toast, vegetarian sausage, house salad and an OJ. They tried to make it vegan but no one in Gotham wants breakfast without eggs. Robin said he appreciates the thought anyway. He is very smug and protective of his meal and the restaurant that made it. When he has the day shft he stops by there for breakfast, which isn’t often but still.

Signal soup: a classic squash soup, house focaccia and a garden salad. Its a seasonal meal that comes around every fall, and sells out almost every day for the entire season.

The Scarecrow: literally a long island iced tea with black liqueur in a martini glass with 3 olives. It tastes fucking horrible but will get you beyond hammered

Poison Ivy: shot of pochteca lime liqueur and pink whitney. Very tasty.

Regulator: its a blue margarita with coconut milk in it. Its a little sweet but its yummy. It’s common to black out on these because you cant taste the alch and by the time it hits you its too late and its the next morning and your naked in a strangers bed. Darn those regulators for a night you wont remember! at least the guy is handsome…

• See also the Condiment King challenge: A pint size glass of equal parts ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, mayonnaise, hot sauce, soy sauce, honey mustard, sweet and sour, bbq, salsa, fish sauce, vinegar, ranch, and wasabi. Hell in a cup! If you can drink it within 10 minutes without throwing up, you eat free at the dinner for a month and you get a t shirt that says “I completed the Condiment King challenge at Jimbo’s Dinner!” With a poorly drawn picture of condiment king on it. There has only been one winner: Timothy Drake. Jason dared him to try it after he hadnt slept in 3 days. Tim didnt puke, but Jason did. There were threats of violence if Tim ever told anyone that. Tim didn’t believe him, told Dick and magically ended up with a broken finger. “No AlfredI have NOOOOOO idea how it happened! Must’ve had a bad fall on patrol :3”

• taxes in gotham are shit-your-pants-when-you-see-it-the-first-time high. Gotham has to be able to pay for all the damages somehow, despite Bruce Wayne paying for about 15% of those damages out of pocket, its still not enough to stop prices from skyrocketing. To try and combat this, there is a Gala held anually for the top 10% of Gotham to fundraise for emergency city repairs. It helps a lot but doesn’t solve the problem.

#ofc vi writes too #headcanon #biblically accurate headcanons #dc #dc comics #batman #robin #red hood #nightwing #gotham #gotham is like my little snow globe that i shake to see what happens but instead of snow falling its actually mass destruction <3

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seat-safety-switch · 10 months ago

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Visiting actual civilization is fun. In most cities, things don't start happening until you leave the endless expanse of suburbia and go to the inner city. Downtown haters will tell you not to do it, of course. It's "unsafe," but so is driving a fifty-year-old car without airbags or the ability to turn left. Joke's on them: not only will they use more fuel over the lifetime of their car idling at lights waiting for a green arrow, but they're also going to miss out on my favourite part of downtown, the sausage cart.

Long ago, according to local legend, this sausage cart was opened by a dude from Poland whose name is lost to history. His descendants now own a network of sausage carts all throughout downtown, but this one – the true original – is the only choice of the tube-meat connoisseur. I love to visit, get a smokie and a questionably-branded pop, and be back on the road, before the parking patrol has even twigged to the fact that I left my car in the memorial fountain once again.

Last weekend, I went down there and there was a problem. The operator, whose name will also be lost to history because I ain't no snitch, was worried that his customer base was starting to get pulled away by the falafel cart across the street. This was a valid worry: not only was the falafel cheaper, more flavourful, and more delicious, but they had a guy dressed up as a giant foam gyro breakdancing on the sidewalk. It was a nearly irresistible combo, one that I could only pull myself away from out of blind loyalty to the Sausage King's bravest foot soldier.

Now, I'm not one to get involved in petty squabbles like this normally. I would have just left, but the dude in the gyro suit started chirping at me as I approached my car. My attorney has suggested that I not repeat the words he spoke about my humble Volare, but I assure you that he ate said words, as I set about doing a spiteful, highschooler-grade one-wheel-peel burnout to enshroud their business in tire smoke. Of course, that burnout then resulted in the half-century-old automatic transmission letting go and splashing white-hot Dexron III® all over the cart full of ingredients, but it got results nonetheless. I don't know what they're complaining about, it didn't even taste bad when I helped myself to a free sample after they ran away.

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tubbytarchia · 2 months ago

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The thing about Evo Jimmy that makes me happy is that he’s so much more of a menace and messes around with people!! Sure everytime he does it he loses or something goes wrong but he’s not afraid to do it and doesn’t even think of the consequences!! He only acts civil is when Martyn’s there and if he’s not, no one is safe.

Netty and Jimmy’s friendship is also really sweet because she likes to join in on his mischief and follows him without hesitation,same goes with Jimmy. They both share half a brain cell and they couldn’t care less!! I also love the fact that they both had the most episodes on Evo, they quite literally ran Evo together. Even if they weren’t that lore based or whatever,it was still there and Jimmy’s listener lore needs to more appreciated!!! I wish Evo went on longer so I could’ve seen what would’ve happened. Jimmy also out right hated the watchers and didn’t care at all what they said. After the Listeners gave him his little mission he realised it immediately that the watchers weren’t good people. I also love how Jimmy makes small hints of the watchers but never outright says it,or he mentions them and just brushes past it.

To sum it up: I want Jimmy’s mischievous ways back. I miss him being a little asshole and messing with people

I wholeheartedly agree that I wish Jimmy was mischievous more often like he used to be even if he would often get punished for it, although I do think we've been seeing a bit more of that in places, and I also very much miss Netty and her and Jimmy's banter. I don't think Jimmy was that much of a menace though, rather he just sassed people back, especially those who he felt had done wrong by him, but his entire shtick in Evo was to be a cop and he did very genuinely try to be one, setting out to prove himself to be good rather than a troublemaker when Martyn wasn't around; to prove to Martyn that he was good. Eg when he helped mine resources for Netty's library, gave every piece of it to Netty, surprising her, and then said something like "did you get a picture?". But that might be the culprit, that he was overly punished for any mishaps and quips to the point that he wanted to prove his potential and capability till the end of Evo and started feeling progressively more culpable over the course of future SMPs

This is a trend in most of Jimmy's playthroughs where he just gets caught in other people's crossfire and painted as bad rather than doing anything actually worth punishing himself. I like when he has the assertiveness to get back at people, to turn pranks back around like he did in Legacy and for some of X Life, to hold Martyn accountable in Evo rather than always taking the blame himself, to almost beat Sausage to death in SOS after everything Sausage had said and put him through, when he rejected Scott's poppy in RL and proclaimed that Scott wasn't forgiven for getting him killed. I wish he'd gotten back at people in ESMP2 calling him a toy the same way he did at the Mafia in Evo which continuously villainized him. I like when he's sassy, I like when he gets back at people, I like when he stands his ground, I like when he does pranks, I like when he doesn't let himself be shot down, especially when trying to take charge (another trend, where he keeps trying to take charge as he sees necessary in relationships and otherwise, only to be knocked down 500 pegs). I like when banter involves him rather than just being aimed at him. But I genuinely don't think he's ever been a proper asshole, he deserves to stab and kill and I wish he did but he's only done so when he believes to have been wronged, or he'd stop himself and often apologize or feel guilty etc. I wrote a long post on my thoughts on Evo awhile back where I went more in debth

Don't have much to say about the Listener stuff, the time that Jimmy spent without Martyn at the end is important to his character imo but the end of Evo just kinda lost me in general, any kind of watcher/listener lore passes me by unfortunately but if other people enjoyed that whole bit then more power to them absolutely

#blabber #jimmisery

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olderthannetfic · 10 months ago

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I know about the origins of the Bechdel Test, but I do think it's inaccurate to say it's not meant as a criticism of movies that don't do that. I think that when people stop thinking in binary terms of "is this feminist?" or "is this anti-feminist?" and instead look at things more holistically, that you can recognize both that a character like Mako Mori is great, a step in the right direction for female characters in action movies and especially WOC, go forth and stan her and write all the fanfic you want.... but yeah, it is also a valid criticism of the movie (and many others like it) that she doesn't talk to or have relationships with any other woman in the film.

I think one thing to help people realize just HOW much of women's lives are being left out of media representation when we never talk to other named women about something other than a man in movies, is to just think about your own life. I talk to my mom every day, and if we are not talking about my stepdad or my brother-in-law (and I don't think we've ever had a conversation that wasn't at least IN PART not about them or another man), then it passes the test. I'm a professor and when I talk to a female student about her homework or project (which is, again, something that happens pretty much every day I teach), that's passing the test. If I order food from a female cashier and she has a name tag, that's passing the Bechdel Test! It's literally just constant for the vast majority of women on the planet, and that's what's being left out of our stories.

Like, I like the takes I've seen about how part of the joke in Dykes to Watch Out For is that this is *particularly* alienating to lesbians - as a lesbian myself I agree - but I also think it should be frustrating to straight and bi and ace women as well, because like unless you are like exclusively interacting with your husband or male relatives every single day + you work in a workplace where you are literally the only woman, you are almost certainly passing the test constantly. That's a pretty big part of women's lives that Hollywood is leaving out!

But I think it's important to view it as just one piece of the discussion about feminism and women's representation in film, not the final judge on if a film is feminist or not. Which it wasn't intended to be - as you said, it was mostly a joke on the extreme maleness of 80s action movies. Honestly, I do not miss those days on Tumblr where people were obsessed with declaring certain movies/TV shows/other fandoms they liked as "feminist" or "anti-feminist" and the really bizarre granular discussions people would have between two works that BOTH had a long way to go in terms of representing women. I remember people in the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom would use this to argue about if the original anime or Brotherhood/the manga was better - when both have some fantastic female supporting characters, but are ultimately male-centered stories where even a lot of those women's lives and stories are centered around their male love interests and family members. It's better than a lot of shounen, but if that's your bar for feminism - either version - you have a long way to go (and need to watch WAY more anime because there's sooooo much of it that is female-centric). I also remember people coming up with other tests that were blatantly silly: like I thought the Mako Mori test about "if a woman has a motivation/story that isn't centered on a man" was fair because it did point out a legitimate criticism, but there was that ridiculous "Tauriel Test" where it was "a woman who is good at her job." And it was entirely about someone just disliking that movie critics and feminist commentators alike were down on the Hobbit movie trilogy, which a) were bad movies, sorry you have bad taste, b) are absolutely not where you should focus your attention if you're so concerned about women's representation in film, Tolkein has always been a sausage fest! And her big thing was being mad that people thought Judi Dench's M in Skyfall was a better female character, and so she arbitrarily decided she was "bad at her job" and Tauriel was "good at her job" even though that's completely subjective and can be challenged in both cases.... but also, once again, why are you looking to the fucking JAMES BOND franchise for movie feminism! There's nothing like comparing the relative "feminism levels" of JAMES BOND and LOTR to make it obvious that this is 100% about validating your subjective taste preferences by giving it a "progressive" excuse, not actually about feminism and not actually caring about women's representation beyond how it makes you look good. And yet SO many people took that transparently stupid post seriously. I'd see professional articles mention the Tauriel Test as "one of the new tests" like there was anything serious about it.

And then on the flip side, over-reliance on the Bechdel Test alone led to some clueless conclusions especially in anime fandom, given that anime has an abundance of shows that exclusively feature female characters in school clubs being cute, where those characters are nonetheless two-dimensional archetypes designed for the male gaze. Someone like fandomsandfeminism did a presentation at an anime con that called one of those types of shows "feminist" and some Japanese user eviscerated it, but that just led to the equally shallow fandom analysis of "everything a Japanese person says about anime is automatically more valid" and "any Westerner who wants to criticize anime on feminist/progressive grounds is culturally appropriating and ultimately coming from a place of ignorance, even if they literally have a degree in Asian studies."

Wow, this turned into a rant about the history of bad "feminist media criticism" on this website. Sorry about that, I think I had a point in here somewhere. I guess that the Bechdel Test is indeed a joke and those origins should be understood, but also, I don't think it's wrong to say that it identifies a real problem and one that people could probably take MORE seriously than they do - but as just one part of the conversation, not the Feminism Litmus Test, and certainly not as a dick-measuring contest about whose fandom gets them more progressive brownie points.

I think as long as we grasp that the joke is "The bar is so far under the ground that we might as well go home and eat popcorn there", it's fine.

The real issue with the test is that people started thinking a pass was meaningful.

If you say something like "X% of 2020s movies can't even manage this weaksauce level of women existing", that's a meaningful statistic. Even if you got a couple of data points wrong, you're not factually wrong enough for it to matter because X is going to be some massive, massive percentage, and the overall trend is so clear.

But a pass is nothing to celebrate, and that's where we went wrong.

Like you say, litigating which of two big franchises that barely do anything with women wins on tumblr points is idiocy.

I think people are so unaware of what media that genuinely centers women even looks like that it's hard for them to even begin having a discussion.

I personally have been a massive fujoshi type from adolescence, and media that centers female characters isn't actually what I typically want. (Though media that is by and for women and that doesn't give a fuck what men think of this is.) I am also not much of a fan of slice of life in general...

But when I was coming out and figuring my shit out, being able to go buy collections of Dykes to Watch Out For was incredibly valuable to me.

Ditto the other lesbian comic books that were just sitting there in the bookstore. I'm sure if I went back and reread them all now, I could find things to nitpick or ways they were more for lesbians and less for me as a bi girl, but the really distinctive thing they did was let me exist in a world where media isn't all 80s sausagefest action movies where women are not people.

In fact, they were a world where men don't matter terribly much—not because they're dramatically rejecting men in some facile and reactionary way but because... who cares? They just had other priorities... and this was normal.

It feels like people who've never taken a vacation from really mainstream media just have no concept of what it would feel like to exist in some other space.

And I think that's a pity even if, like me, they later choose to go read mostly BL later instead of focusing on female characters or they genuinely love trash 80s action movies despite everything wrong with them. It's not just sexist media that's the issue: it's that feeling like the fish can't see the water it's swimming in.

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